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#and i have watched this video an absurd amount of times
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😇✨ Sugar Daddy Lucifer Morningstar X Gender Neutral Sugar Baby Reader ✨😇
SUMMARY: you're the king of Hell’s favorite influencer and he wants to make it very clear how much he appreciates you and loves your content, thus starting a transactional relationship between the two of you that slowly turns into something more.
WARNING: light stalker stuff going on for a little bit lol ┐( ̄ヮ ̄)┌ also some sugar baby catching feelings for sugar daddy nonsense
(also- i'm using the terms "sugar daddy" and "sugar baby" pretty loosely, and there are no sexual transactions in this story)
NOTE: I keep going back and forth between saying “livestream” and “video,” so just assume that in the story y/n mainly does livestreams and uploads them as videos later.
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•You started out as a humble influencer in Hell.
•What you didn't know is that you happened to be the favorite influencer of THE king of Hell Lucifer himself.
•I personally headcanon that when this man finds something he likes, he REALLY obsesses over it.
•I can imagine him laying in bed with a cozy blanket and a snack, kicking his knees while watching your latest upload.
•Not gonna lie Luci got kinda stalker-ish in order to find you and know you in person.
•He is the king after all, so therefore he has ways to find and keep track of his people.
•It started as him sending you money anonymously as a way to give his appreciation to his favorite content creator.
•You'd sometimes get small donations here and there from different people, but you definitely noticed the big donations you'd consistently get. Even though they were all anonymous, you assumed they were all from the same person because it was usually always an absurd amount of money to donate to an influencer.
•While livestreaming one day you mentioned that you wanted to find out who this anonymous donor was and somehow do something special to thank them.
•Lucifer NEVER misses one of your livestreams and felt extra fanboyish thinking about his fav influencer doing something special specifically for him.
•He knew he couldn't just message you and say “I'm your anonymous donor” because he didn't have a public account. If he were to message with his anonymous account saying that he's the king of Hell you'd obviously think he was lying.
•HERE is where his stalker era starts. 💀
•Luci comes up with this convoluted plan that actually somehow ends up working exactly the way he wanted.
•He happens to “find” you at a place he knew is your favorite café just outside of Cannibal Town.
•He pretends to just be casually walking by (well, as “casual” as the king of Hell can be)
”Oh hey! I've seen a few of your videos, I like your content!”
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•You're absolutely baffled that the man in front of you praising your content is Lucifer himself.
•Lucifer invites himself to sit down with you, and how could you possibly refuse.
(He knows using his status to get what he wants is a lil problematic, but he easily pushes any guilt aside cuz he gets to be in your presence. He honestly wonders why he hadn't done this sooner.)
•He uses this opportunity to ask you a bunch of questions he's always wanted to ask, as if this were his personal Q&A with you. You happily answer his questions and even ask your own, eager to get to know Lucifer.
•Eventually he asks the main question that'll set his plan into place.
“Have you ever done any collabs?”
Of course he already knows the answer is no.
•”I've never asked anyone to collaborate with me, I'm a little insecure and automatically think they'll say no.”
•”I'm shocked! I'd personally love to be in one of your videos!” He boasts.
•Even though you've been talking for a while now, your brain still hasn't been fully able to compute that you're not only talking to Lucifer Morningstar, he says he enjoys your content, AND he just said he'd like to be in one of your videos.
•”Wha- I'm sure you've got so much more important things to do!”
•”I've got spare time!”
•When he realized he was probably starting to sound desperate, he backed it up a bit;
“I'm not trying to invite myself into one of your videos, but what I am saying is that IF I were one of those people you were to ask then I'd definitely accept your offer!” He twiddled his fingers nervously under the table, his smile never faltering.
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•”oH I mean I do want to ask you- I am asking you!” You become just as nervous as Lucifer, fumbling over your words a bit.
•Before you can say anything else he raises from his seat and extends his hand out in agreement. “Sounds good to me!” You quickly stand to take his hand and shake it.
•The two of you calm down a bit and start discussing times and dates, even though Lucifer knows he's just going to accept whatever day you suggest and cancel any plans that he might already have for that day.
•Lucifer's little plot went perfectly.
•The day came when Luci got to feature in a video with his fav influencer.
•The video blew up super quickly, you gained a whole new wave of fame.
•Not only was he in the video with you, but he also got to spend the whole day with you.
•Somewhere along the way he kind of forgot that he was with his fav influencer and started to feel more like he was just hanging with a friend…which, honestly, he hasn't really had a friend in a long time.
•Also- you had noticed that during the stream with Lucifer you didn't get any donations from your special anonymous donor who never missed any of your previous streams.
•THIS MOMENT is where Lucifer knows he could potentially ruin everything with you, but he wants to be honest.
•He tells you that he's the anonymous donor, and that he can prove it with receipts. He admits that he didn't just casually watch your content like he said previously, and that he's actually a super huge fan. He doesn't go into detail about the stalker-ish extent he went to find you though.
•You take a second to process everything.
•I think if it were any other man you'd probably be a bit weirded out. It's definitely mainly because he's the king of Hell, but also he's just so charming that it's kinda hard for you not to be flattered.
•Now the king of Hell is in your phone contacts and you've got a viral video of the two of you together that shows literally everyone that you know him, it all feels so surreal.
•You still get donations from him on your streams, they still say they're anonymous but you know it's him.
•Lucifer calls you ALL THE TIME, usually to talk about absolutely nothing and everything at the same time.
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•Suddenly he started showing up at your door with random gifts. Usually things that you mention very briefly on social media.
•Like one day you posted a pic on your story of a cute pair of shoes that you'd like to have, and the next day he's on your doorstep with a shoebox in hand.
•This escalated to him taking you out to dinners quite frequently, and he'd always go out of his way to reserve a special private area or even book out the whole restaurant.
•Then he started inviting you to visit him. Movie nights at his place, or he wants to show you something new he made.
•Eventually it turned into you staying the night at his place sometimes. You'd fall asleep during movie night and he didn't wanna wake you, or your home is just so far away and he didn't wanna let you go home in the dark.
•THEN it became you staying at his place for multiple days in a row, and sometimes it felt like you practically lived with him.
•You’d always ask Lucifer what you could do to repay him for all of the stuff he does for you, and he just replies that your company is enough to satisfy him and when you aren't around he still gets to watch your new videos.
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•After getting to know the king of Hell over the span of almost a full year, you've come to realize that he was a pretty lonely man before you met him.
•He almost never talks to his own wife, whom you aren't even sure is his wife anymore. He rarely talks to his daughter, and is terrified of not being a good enough dad to her. Most of his time is spent home alone if he isn't tending to somekind of personal royal business.
•You knew Lucifer meant it when he told you that your company is enough to repay him.
•Somewhere down the line, you've started catching yourself contemplating your feelings for him.
•Don't get me wrong, he's always made you swoon and get flustered. It's really hard not to when a handsome man is literally handing you everything you want on a golden platter.
•There are much more raw moments you have with him, when you're just sitting on the couch together and you start to think about your possible future together.
•You usually end up getting slapped with reality when you remember who it is you're looking at. The king of Hell.
•Being in a relationship with a man of such status could never be in the cards for you. You're aware that you're basically just his sugar baby and that's probably all you'll ever be.
•You were definitely fine with the transactional relationship between the two of you, in fact you enjoyed it.
•Now, with these feelings constantly creeping up on you it made everything so much more complicated, and it made it hard for you to be around him knowing you'll never be anything more to him than a sugar baby.
•Lucifer is a sweet man, but you know there's another side of him that's a powerful king. His wife was an equally powerful queen. You're not enough for him, he just wants someone to keep him company.
•What you don't know is that while you're sitting there on the couch next to him having an inner depressive episode, he's got a box in his pocket that he's waiting for the perfect moment to whip out.
•In the box is a flashy custom engagement ring that he wants everyone to be able to see from a mile away.
•That man wants to make you officially his and he has been trying his hardest to make that VERY clear.
•You're just kinda insecure and don't think high enough of yourself. ಥ⌣ಥ
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barzysunflower · 2 months
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So y/n goes to this game like always everyone knows she’s barzal wife or girlfriend when the fight happens something snaps and she’s like yelling acting like there gonna hear her saying “HEY THATS MY MAN DONT TOUCH HIM LIKE THAT” people are recording her or she lands on the jumbo screen and the guys saying there’s go barzal gf or wife love to see this. They both end up going viral on Twitter mat was over the fight but y/n still was mad and going on and on saying wtf I would of squashed him if I was right there because no one grabs my man like that 😤 mat finds it entertaining because he’s never seen her this worked up and he’s kinda turned on by it knowing she would fight for him LOL even tho he wouldn’t allow it but he ends up kissing her by how in love he is with her maybe gets alittle smutty
now that fight last night was quite something and god Mathew I want you to do it again! but not too often, I need you to keep looking pretty.
wc: 820
cw: alludes to sex, but not really smut (sorry I’m working on other smut rn haha and didn’t have much time to write today)
gif made by @pyotrkochetkov
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You turned around from the conversation you were having with a friend to see Mat finally come out of the locker room area. When he was close enough, you could see there was a big red bruise coating his nose and part of his cheek from the fight he was in earlier. “Aw, baby, are you ok?”
“Perfectly fine.” His smile was sweet and crooked as he wrapped his arms around you. Your lips brushed gently against his bruised skin then finally landed on his lips.
Once you were sure he was fine, you pulled apart and playfully punched him in the chest. “What the hell were you thinking? Fighting? Maty! You know my rule, no teeth, no wedding.”
He laughed. “I know your absolutely ridiculously absurd rule. Don’t worry, I’ll have all of my teeth for the big day.” He kissed the top of your head, still getting excited at the mention of your wedding even after months of being engaged and it being pretty much all planned already. “And he attacked me. I wasn’t about the back down. I’m not scared of a little fight.”
A rush of heat flowed through you, seeing him get worked up again. And you had to admit, as much as you hated the fighting aspect of hockey, it was kind of hot seeing Mat defend himself and get into a little brawl.
“And it looks like you’re not as mad as you’re pretending to be.” He totally picked up on your vibes.
“Alright, so maybe it was a little hot to watch,” you admitted. “But don’t make it a regular thing.”
“Sure about that?” His eyebrows raised and a little mischievous grin appeared as he pulled you closer to him by your hips.
“At least not until after the wedding. I need you looking pretty for the pictures.”
“Alright, no more fights until the wedding.”
———
“Ok, so maybe I will keep up the fights if you’re going to be this turned on afterwards,” Mat mumbled out of breath when you rolled off him, back onto the mattress.
“You made a promise,” you responded, yelping when his lips were back on your skin in seconds. His teeth graded your neck, down your naked chest.
“It’s very hard to resist.” He came back up to kiss you passionately. You had lost count of the amount of times you had sex within the last few hours of coming home from the game, sleeping, and waking up to more sex.
“Alright, get off me I’m starving.” He fell back into the pillows with a laugh, but instead of getting up to go to the kitchen, you grabbed your phone for your daily morning phone time. Mat did the same.
To your surprise, there were a ton of notifications. Texts, instagram, twitter, etc. And also from people you didn’t even know. A quick investigation told you that you were in fact the reason for all the fuss.
“You seen this?” Mat had the same expression on his face, as he was looking through the exact same type of notifications. People sending a video of you from the game last night, yelling during Mat’s fight. The person who filmed it was too far away to pick up audio, but based on reading your lips, people could tell you were yelling something the lines of ‘HEY THATS MY MAN DONT TOUCH HIM LIKE THAT’.
You looked to Mat for his reaction, but he was just laying there, naked, watching the video over and over again, his jaw slowly dropping. You watched him nervously, internally cringing that a video of you like that was currently trending. Mat finally faced you.
“My girl.” He laughed and was back on top of you in seconds. “My feisty girl. And here I thought you were upset I was fighting, but you would have easily stepped in.”
“I was just trying to protect your pretty face.” He smiled wide and started attacking you with kisses, sucking and biting your skin.
“I had no idea you could get so worked up.”
“I’ve been hanging around you for too long.” He chuckled and kissed you deeply. You could never get enough of him.
“Protecting me. I’m supposed to be the one protecting you.”
“You clearly need it.” You loved teasing him, especially since his kisses got more intense the longer it went on.
“I’m pretty sure I won that fight last night, so I can protect myself.” He got on his knees and his lips wandered down your body. One of his hands grabbed your breast, massaging it, while his lips started assaulting the other. He licked around your nipple, sucking and biting it playfully. “But my job is to take care of you.”
He moved further down the mattress, getting ahold of your thighs and roughly pulling them apart. “Now be a good girl and let me do my job.”
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sapphhicslut · 18 days
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☆loser!ellie headcons pt.3☆
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loser!ellie masterlist
cw: modern au, established relationship, bad writing, fluff, loser!ellie, mentions of Ellie holding your thigh🥵, noes bleed, talk of inappropriate messages, mentions of younger ellie, more focused on Ellie then Ellie and reader, not mentioned whether the reader is fem or masc, all of these are just self inserts, I feel like these are soooo long?? NOT PROOFREAD
an: OMGGGGG I love writing theseeee!!! Definitely making more?!!
DAILY CLICK | DON’T BUY TLOU | READ AND REBLOG THIS
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☆ always has to be holding your hand. On a walk? She’s squeezing your hand. Sitting on the couch or your shared bed? Holding your hand. In the car? One hand on the wheel, and the other interlocked with yours. Or😈 on your thigh🥵🥵🥵 giving it a tight squeeze;))))
☆ has a Minecraft axe, or sword. or or or both. And she just goes around whacking people with it😂😂
☆ her car is a literal trash can. Like she eats in it and then leaves the trash in there instead of throwing it out. And it has the most foul smell known to humankind, it’s a mix of weed and this other mystery smell that no one knows what it is. And all the trash in there just lays there until you tells her to get rid of it because there’s definitely roaches crawling around in there…
☆ gets the most violent noes bleeds EVERRR(literally me).
☆ got her ear pierced when she was younger, and now ears the most outrageous earrings ever. For example:
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☆ sends you WAYYYYY to many instagram reels. And they’re all so weird, and sometimes you question what she watches on there to get these types of videos.
☆ has an old TikTok acc from when she was a little younger, and got logged out of it and made a mistake by giving you the username of it and now you go on it every now and then to laugh at how cringe she used to be(she still is).
☆ can’t hear for shit. Like the two of you can be in public and you tell her something and she doesn’t hear you and just yells “WHAT? I DIDN’T HEAR YOU WHAT DID YOU SAY?”.
☆ snores, and talks in her sleep. You have sooooo many videos of her talking in her sleep in your phone, and most of the time she’s just speaking gibberish, but sometimes it could be something soo out of context and it’s the funniest thing ever.
☆ as a kid put liquid glue on her hand, let is dry, and then peeled it off, telling people that it was her skin.
☆ says she doesn’t get scared when watching horror movies, and then absolutely shits and pees her pants when you offer to watch one.
☆ has an absurd amount of pins on her bag. And the ones she has on there aren’t even half of them, she collects those and protects them with her whole heart.
☆ she definitely was trying to act so cool and tough when she first met you, but to you it was sooooo obvious that she was just a loser. Like the first time the two of you talked she just went on and on and on and on about ALL of her interests, everything from her hobbies, to how she broke her arm when she was 14 because she tripped on a rock. canon
☆ had a dream about you once and you died in it or smt, and she woke up in the middle of the night and just full on started bawling her eyes out to you because she never wants you to die. And you were there just comforting her telling ellie it was just a nightmare, and that your not dead. And that whole day she would not leave your side, being with you every second of the day, even if you needed to use that bathroom she’d stand outside the bathroom door with it open a tiny bit holding your hand.
☆ you know that one trend and it’s like the person in the passenger front seat goes to open the door, but the driver is like ‘no I’ll do it for you’ and climbs out the window and instead of walking over the car climbs on to the roof on the car and over to the passenger side and falling off the roof. Ellie would definitely does that and when she falls of the roof she falls soooo hard but just laughs it off, but then has the biggest bruise on her hip. pleaseee know what I’m talking abt🙏🙏🙏🙏 did any of that even make sense????
☆ I actually don’t give a fuck if you disagree with this, but it’s the truth. Ellie is a cat lover🗣️🗣️🗣️ as the biggest cat lover(this is totally not self inserted🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️) I can see Ellie as a cat lover. I feel like she’s okay with dogs but she LOVES cats. The two of you definitely have at least 2 cats!!!
☆ she definitely had an undercut at one point. I can just picture her with one😈😈😈
☆ when your in class or at work or with friends or wtv, Ellie will text you the most crazy thing EVERRRR something like:
“Let me eat that coochie🤓” and you’d be like “cum and get it then😈”
Or
“what would happen if my finger(s) accidentally slipped inside of you😂” and you would reply with a “what if my clothes accidentally disappeared🤣😂”
I just know the two of you have the most bizarre text messages.
☆ sleeps with socks on…(me too)
☆ complains about EVERYTHING. You could say it’s one of her hobbies at this point.
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an2: okay enough yapping. Part 4??? anyone???
Taglist: @3lli3l0v3r @readbydayana @tatestitties
MORE WAYS TO HELP PALESTINE
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munson-blurbs · 9 months
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Summary: While you and your church are protesting Corroded Coffin's concert, their lead singer shows you just how good being sinful feels.
Based on "Immaculate Misconception" by Motionless in White, requested by the amazing @offensiunculae 😘
WC: 2.4k
Warnings: smut (18+ only, minors DNI), fingering, oral (f!receiving), public sex acts, religious themes with an emphasis on sinning/Hell
--
The hot sun beats down, especially excruciating on this July day. You feel your arm start to sag, an ache in your shoulder from hoisting up a sign for so long, and you lower it slightly to massage it. 
A group of concertgoers jeer at you and your fellow protesters, flipping you off and hurling swear words your way. 
“You see that?” Pastor Tom hisses, eyes shooting daggers at them. “Do you see what you become when you give in to this satanic worship? You can practically smell the evil oozing from their pores!”
You watch as the friends make their way through the venue, flashing their tickets to the attendant at the door. The pastor continues shouting about Corroded Coffin’s blasphemy and condemns everyone inside the stadium to Hell while the rest of the protesters echo his sentiments, but you can hardly focus. In your attempt to keep yourself from dehydrating in the summer heat, you’ve consumed an absurd amount of water, and you’re feeling the repercussions right now. 
Quietly, you slip away from your congregation and walk over to the doors. “I need to use the restroom,” you murmur to the attendant, but he puts an arm out to bar you from entering.
“No ticket, no entry,” he snarls, a malevolent grin curling his lips. “Feel free to piss in the alley, Virgin Mary.”
You cringe at his crudeness, but when he crosses his muscular arms over his chest proudly, you turn back in defeat. There is no way you’re going to pee in the alleyway, absolutely not happening–
Your bladder has other plans, and you begrudgingly scamper off into the deserted alleyway, still choosing to take cover behind the Dumpster to shield yourself from passersby. You hitch up your skirt around your waist, shimmying your cotton underwear down your legs and grasping it in one hand. 
There’s a pinch of embarrassment followed by the sweet feeling of relief washing over you as you spread your feet a bit wider. The end of the stream can’t come soon enough, and just as you’re tugging back on your panties–if you can even call them that, considering they came in a pack of six from the local Wal-Mart–someone clears their throat.
“Don’t–Don’t look!” you cry out helplessly, fixing your knee-length skirt so it’s no longer bunched up.
“You know there’s bathrooms inside, right?” The person–a man–says, a lilt in his voice telling you that he’s teasing. “Unless you prefer the great outdoors. No judgment.”
You can’t bring yourself to meet his gaze, so you keep your eyes trained on the ground. “I, um, don’t have a ticket,” you mumble, standing upright and starting to leave. You have no desire to converse with a random stranger, one who listens to the sinful music of the band inside.
“Hey, wait,” the guy tries, and his footsteps are heavy against the cracked pavement. “You’re not with those Jesus freaks out there, are you?”
At this, you turn around, anger burning in your lungs that you try to quell with a deep breath and a reminder to be sweet, just like the pastor instructs. “Don’t call them that,” you say tersely, biting your lower lip.
The man before you laughs, shaking his long mane of curls as he steps towards you. “I’ll be damned–”
“You will be,” you interrupt before you can stop yourself.
“Little churchmouse pissing in the alley outside of my show,” he continues, as though you hadn’t said a word. “Call that the ‘Eddie Munson Effect,” he adds with a smart grin.
It takes a moment before you process what he’s just said. My show…Eddie Munson…
“You’re the guy from the video!” The realization hits you like a truck. You’d heard Pastor Tom say his name a few times, praying that the singer-slash-guitarist would repent and change his evil ways. “The one where you wore a crown of thorns and were crucified.”
Eddie takes a bow, stumbling slightly over his crossed feet. “The one and only.”
“That’s blasphemy,” you snarl, unable to hide your disdain. “And idolatry. And God will punish you for your sins.”
“Let me ask you a question,” he starts, once again ignoring your disruption, “did you even see the video? Listen to the lyrics?” When you only offer him a blank stare, he grins, digging into his pockets and pulling out a pack of Camels and a lighter. “That’s what I thought.” The scent of tobacco smoke wafts past your nostrils as he lights a cigarette and takes a long drag. 
“I didn’t need to,” you say, finally finding your voice. “My pastor told me–”
“Ah, your pastor,” Eddie mocks. “Tell me, Churchmouse–do you listen to everything your pastor says? Do everything he tells you to?”
“He speaks the Word of God.”
“Oh, bullshit!” Eddie slams his palm on the top of the Dumpster, startling you. His rings clang on the metal, reverberating through the small space. “Do you really think that God cares about a fucking music video? You think He’s up in the clouds, watching all the war and poverty and destruction, and He’s thinking about my music?”
Your mouth dries and you find yourself at a loss for words. “I, um, I…”
“But that’s not the worst part,” he continues through gritted teeth, shaking his head incredulously. “The worst fucking part is that you’re all too busy damning everyone to Hell to realize that you’re making their lives hell right now.” He looks at you, staring directly into your soul. 
“The fans out there? They’re freaks. They’re outcasts. They like our music because we sing about real shit. Abandonment, nonconformity, rejection. And when they listen to it, they feel seen. Heard. Not alone. 
“And you guys? Out there, fuckin’…tearing them down because they had the audacity to enjoy music that you don’t approve of?” He juts his forefinger in your direction, eyes blazing with rage. “Fuck. You.” He stubs out his cigarette though there’s still plenty left to smoke and pivots towards the door. 
You’re able to formulate a coherent thought just as he’s about to walk back into the venue. “You don’t know me,” you shoot back. “You don’t know what I do or why I do it. You just live in your own little bubble, surrounded by people who idolize you, never hearing the word ‘no.’”
“So tell me no,” he challenges you, closing the door and crossing his arms over his chest. 
“Ask me for something.”
Eddie barks out a laugh. “All right, churchmouse. You wanna fuck me?”
“Absolutely not,” you snort.
Eddie lifts his arms in surrender. “And are we fucking right now? No, we’re not.” He smirks in a silent I told you so. “Any other points you’d like to make?”
A scowl mars your face. “You’re infuriating,” you sneer.
“Then leave,” he says simply, extending an arm in the direction of your church group. “No one’s keeping you here. So you’re either sticking around because you like a good argument, or because you like what you see.” When you fail to respond, he takes a few steps closer. “Tell me ‘no,’ churchmouse. Any time, just say the word.” He glides the back of his forefinger along your cheek, and your skin heats up at his touch. “Is that okay?”
You nod, swallowing thickly. “Y-Yes.”
A large hand snakes around your waist, pulling you closer. “And now?”
“Yes.”
“How about this?” His lips are hovering above yours, breath hot on your mouth. You can taste the cigarette he just smoked; to your surprise, it draws you to him. You don’t realize you haven’t given him an answer until he murmurs, “Need to hear it, churchmouse. You’re killin’ me here.”
It shouldn’t be okay. You shouldn’t want this. These are the sins of the flesh that Pastor Tom warns you about, the feelings that are to be reserved for your spouse. And Eddie Munson is certainly not your spouse.
But the way his t-shirt ripples around his biceps, the hungry look in his deep brown eyes, the twitch behind the fly of his jeans that you can feel on your pelvis…
“Yes.” One word, one split-second decision, and his mouth is on yours. You’d shared chaste kisses before, but nothing close to what’s happening now. His tongue is warm and wet, and you accept it eagerly. It’s wrong, it’s so wrong, but it feels so right.
Eddie pulls back after a moment of you too lost in your thoughts to reciprocate the kiss. “Not good enough for ya?”
You shake your head. “It’s too good…I just don’t understand…” Instinctively, you bring your thumbnail to your mouth and chew on it, despite your mother’s constant disgust towards such unladylike behavior. “I’m not supposed to think it’s good.”
His hardened exterior briefly softens at your confession. “Who told you that? Your pastor? Your parents? Jesus Christ himself?” He bites the inside of his cheek. “It’s natural, churchmouse. Nothing to feel guilty about. And ‘m not just saying that so you’ll fuck me.”
“I-I know.”
“You don’t have to fuck me,” he reiterates. “But if you do wanna fuck someone, and they wanna fuck you, too…well, I just don’t think you should let some invisible man in the sky stop you.”
The phrase, virginity is a precious gift from God, sits on the tip of your tongue. You’ve heard it over and over since the moment you learned about sex. A woman’s purity is a symbol of her devotion to her Savior and her spouse. 
“I…I don’t wanna do that with you,” you mumble the half-truth. The fluttering in your most private area says otherwise, but you genuinely do not want to have sex for the first time with a stranger in an alley. “But I do wanna feel good. Can we…is there a way to do that?”
He smirks again, more knowing than devious, though it’s hard to differentiate between the two with him. “Churchmouse, if you’re serious, I can help you out. Can make you feel really good.” He swipes his tongue along his lower lip. “You ever…y’know…make yourself feel good?”
Your cheeks heat up, thinking of the nights that you caved to temptation and rubbed up against the unassuming stuffed animals on your bed. The utter shame that washes over you along with the wave of pleasure. It’s not as bad as actually having premarital sex though, is it? Pastor Tom claims that a sin is a sin is a sin, but surely that can’t be true. Lying to your parents, for example, isn’t the same as committing first-degree murder.
And if Pastor Tom is wrong about that, what else is he wrong about?
“Yeah, I have,” you finally say to Eddie, voice tinged with guilt. “N-Not, like, inside; just, um, touching…”
Eddie nods, grabbing your hand and leading you to a more secluded spot against the corroded brick wall. “Your skirt…” he starts, motioning for you to hike it up. You do as he asks, pulling it so the hem reaches mid-thigh. He lets his middle finger graze your panties, smile widening when he feels the damp spot that’s formed. “You’re wet already,” he muses, nudging the cotton fabric aside.
“Is that a good thing?”
He chuckles, shaking his head in disbelief that you even have to ask. “It’s a very good thing.” His finger wanders, and you clamp your legs shut when you feel him start to push it inside you. 
“N-Not inside.” Part of you is worried that someone—your future husband, your pastor—will be able to tell if you’ve ever been penetrated. “Maybe just…there?” You take his finger and bring it to the part of you that you’ve only touched shamefully, whimpering at the sensation. “Yeah, that feels s’good.”
Your slurred words only spur him on, and he increases his pace, rubbing frantically. His tongue pokes out between his lips as he remains focused on your sensitive bud. “Keep talkin’, churchmouse,” he says, both an encouragement and an order. “Make lotsa noise f’me.” 
You do as he says, whining and moaning with pleasure. Desperate for friction, you buck your hips slightly against him.
“There ya go,” he murmurs, amusement evident in his tone. “If you want a little more, I’ll use my mouth. Nothin’ inside, I promise.” He takes his free hand to cross an “x” over his heart. “I can just hide under this little skirt of yours.” 
Eddie’s eyebrows fly to his hairline in surprise when your answer is a resounding, “yes, please.” He gets on his knees, grimacing as the gravel digs into his exposed skin where his jeans have holes. Sure enough, he drapes your skirt over him, expertly parting your folds with his tongue. He licks up and down before wrapping his lips around the most delicate part of you. He hums against your core, sending delicious vibrations shooting through you. Your legs tremble, and Eddie grips onto the plush of your thighs to steady them.
The part of your brain that isn’t flying high on endorphins processes the sound of your name being called. It isn’t Eddie–he doesn’t know your name; regardless, his mouth is occupied–and you have the sinking realization that Pastor Tom is searching for you.
“‘M coming!” you call out breathily, the inadvertent double entendre making Eddie chuckle against you. His tongue flicks rhythmically, and you nearly cry at the overstimulation of sheer bliss and the adrenaline rush of possibly being caught. The noises that Eddie’s mouth makes against your sex might as well be playing on the venue’s sound system with the way they echo down the alleyway. You let out one final moan as the wave of pleasure crashes over you. 
Eddie slows his pace to bring you back down, only pulling away once you stop shaking. He emerges from under your long skirt, wiping your slick from around his mouth and chin. “I think you gotta go, churchmouse,” he laughs, pressing his palms to his thighs and standing up. “And I have a show to put on. Y’know, a very different type of show than the one I just performed.”
You can only nod, placing his hands against the brick wall and trying to grab on. You can’t go back out there, not after being defiled twenty feet from where they’re protesting. Eddie notices your hesitation and chuckles. “You wanna stay backstage and watch? Actually see the shit you apparently hate?”
“Yes.” 
He holds the door open for you with a little bow. “I fuckin’ love when you use that word.”
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whoetoshaw · 1 year
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FREEZY VLOGMAS | freezy
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summary: you make a vlogmas vlog ft. your boyfriend [3.6k words.]
pairing: reader x calfreezy
notes: I COULDN'T RESIST WRITING THIS, esp in time for xmas 😭 thank you for such a cute request, i hope you all had a lovely xmas!! 🫶🏼 idk why i'm surprised but SO many of y’all really love freezy and want more!! 😩 so here’s to hoping this fills that lil void 💗 don’t forget to reblog.
“GOOD MORNING EVERYONE. How’s it going? Welcome to Vlogmas Day 22.” You spoke dully to your camera, having only been awake for an hour tops and still struggling to function, you kept your voice low as you addressed the lens from inside the cafe.
“Today, the Freezy household has been forced out of our house, would you believe, to have some work done,” you glanced across the table and felt the laughter begin to bubble in you once again at the sight of your boyfriend's face. “Someone isn’t the happiest right now,” you flipped your camera around, revealing him balancing his head on his hand, the bored, blank, huffy face on show as he side-eyed the camcorder. “Cal’s actually going to be in this one a lot, whether you like it or not, we have to stay out of the house until our pipes or heating or—” you looked at him quizzed, “I don’t know, something needs fixed and the workers only came out today,” you have the unimpressed look. “Cal’s fuming.”
He looked at you, ignoring your obvious taping of him, not caring if you were videoing or not, confused as to why you found it so funny. “I just find it absurd they finally come out on Christmas Eve Eve Eve of all days after saying they'd be out as soon as possible - I phoned them back in November, Y/N!” He began his rant again, pointing with his thumb and everything as you tried not to yawn at the same argument you’d already heard 10 times already this day. You rolled your eyes at the camera, showing your amusement, “he’s said this a hundred times already. But anyway! It doesn’t matter because we’ve come to finish our last-minute Christmas shopping today, we need to get a few little things for our Mums and Dads and sisters and that. Shock, I know exactly what shops I need to go to but Cal doesn’t have a clue, so, we’ll see how it goes. Then, hopefully, we can get one last trip to the Christmas Market because we’ll obviously not be in again and then we’ll have to wait a whole other year for it to come back again,” you shot a hopeful look to your boyfriend, hoping he would be up for the idea and in a less grumpy mood by then.
You prepped your camera up so you could see the whole table, with Cal and you at either side, sitting amongst the busy coffee shop awaiting your coffees and little cakes. He’d have no choice but to be in on this video a lot, but you didn’t mind. In fact, you were convinced fans would lose it with the amount he’d be in it today – so much of a glimpse of him in your regular vlogs had them losing their minds. They. Loved. You. Two. “I’m actually so tired today. I was up so late last night wrapping everyone’s presents. A very special someone’s presents,” you tilted it to show the smug smile he was trying to hide with his hand. “They are now all under the tree, I have just a few things to collect in some shops today. I don’t know how prepared you are this year but I’m a little concerned because you haven’t asked me to wrap anything for you?”
“I don’t need you to, I'm on my wrap game,” he flexed, raising his brows.
“Famous last words.” You turned your camera back to you and confidently told them, “we’ll see about that.”
You walked about town, showing the Christmas decorations on display including the thousands of lights hanging above you and the massive Christmas trees decorated all around. Anyone watching would be in the festive spirit, especially when you’d managed to capture the light fall of snow, whitening the roads and paths and settling on top of your hair. And Callum’s. “IT'S FUCKING FREEZING!”
“It’s not that bad,” you tutted, knowing you had his favourite hoodie underneath your coat along with a scarf and gloves whilst he had refused to wear so much as a hat today. It obviously wasn’t warm but it was manageable, although, you couldn’t deny the idea of your bed being the most desirable place right now.
Walking around the many different stores, you seemed to film the progression of shopping bags filling Callum’s hands, being the sweet boyfriend he was trooping on despite the cold nipping his hands. Of course, the same bored face occupied him, especially when you dragged him into Superdrug or another makeup store to ‘just have a look’. “Oh my God, also, I forgot to add the clip of last night — I made gingerbread men,” you told the camera, “and they actually turned out so well, I completely forgot about that. I’ll edit that in here,” you waved your hand about so you knew where to slot the footage in.
And behold, you placed the footage just then: “HELLO everyone, good afternoon. As you can see it is so much darker now, I’m back from my Mum’s and I’m just done wrapping most of the presents, I still have more to wrap but I can wrap them later on. For now though,” you pushed it back to get everything on view on the kitchen counter, “I am going to take a little break from wrapping and make the gingerbread I said I would walk you through ‘cause I like making them from scratch.” You pushed all the ingredients into view. “If Callum’s feeling nice, maybe he’ll come help,” you teased, shifting to the very suspect who was getting ready to watch you bake (and see if he could get in on the action).
“She has a bottle of wine here and half of it is already drunk so,” he interrupted, holding up the green glass while you stifled a guilty laugh, “I think I’m really here to supervise. And make sure you don’t burn yourself or out flat down,” he laughed at you and your hazy eyes.
You pointed tackily to the camera.
“So first up we’re of course just gonna start by adding all our ingredients together to make the dough, so here we are,” you poured the sugar, baking soda, ginger, butter and everything in, the flour almost exploding over your face as you opened and poured it too quickly. And probably a little too much. “It’s fine, it’s fine,” you reassured as Cal stood over the bowl with the pile in his hand he’d saved, not knowing what to do with it as the bag was torn and trashed. “Add some salt and some milk,” you splashed some in, of course, some excess marking the countertop. “What are you doing?”
He looked to the flour and to you, and without a second thought, you pinched an amount and flicked on his face, powdering the left side of his face.
“Are you joking? What age are you?”
He tried to hold in his laugh while you lost it.
And then, the whole handful was thrown up into your face, stunning your laugh into silence as you became shocked at the action. The powder dusted your face and your hair, and clouds of flour occupied your home. You didn’t know what to do but laugh, “CAL ARE YOU FOR REAL?! You always take it next level!” You argued, wrestling him to keep the remainder in his hand while you both laughed at each other. “There’s flour all over my kitchen!”
“You started it, don’t start what you can’t finish!” He jested, still laughing at your attempt to get him to lower his hand. “Alright, truce! Truce!” he threw the rest on the counter, while you gave yourself a minute to laugh and collect yourself — and dust the powder from your face. “You’re actually an idiot, I’ll need that.”
“You look like Harry on a night out.”
“You’re sick,” you pushed him out of your shot, ready to resume your cooking show. You took another swig sip of wine. “He’s no help at all.”
“I'M GREAT HELP! I–I’ll have you, the viewers know! I am a good cook.” He accompanied you by your side, embracing his side.
“Debatable.”
“I am!” He actually was, you couldn’t argue, he was just being a nuisance.
“You can’t bake,” you specified, beginning to form the dough in your hands
He looked to you and to the camera purposefully sketchy, “. . in what terms?”
“CAL!” You hit his arm, and to let you know he was only kidding which you knew anyway, he wrapped his arm around you and shook you to his side, bringing his head close and above yours while you laughed. If you got demonetised. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. What are we doing now? Do you need this rolling pin?” He observed your movements and how good it all looked so far, and it smelt amazing.
“Yeah, and you’re gonna get a good whack if you keep up this funny business,” you threatened while he grabbed it for you.
“You’re such a gran.”
“I like baking my gingerbread! So do you!” You whined, flattening it out first with your hands. “Try this bit,” you picked a little off and held it over your shoulder for him to take it in his mouth. You watched his response, and the smile seemed to grow as he looked mightily impressed for it only being some dough. “Oh yeah. That is tasty.”
You turned to your camera and winked cockily.
After using the cookie cutter to shape your men, a time-lapse followed of the two of you decorating the biscuits with icing, showing the camera each time you successfully made a cute little character. “Okay, we’re gonna try and make each other as gingerbread men, see who’s is better. Don’t offend me, please,” you warned, stealing one of the bowls of coloured icing. You laughed and sniggered the whole time, trying to do your bests but you could only do so much.
“You are going to cry when you see this,” he tried to hold in his laugh while carefully icing around the figure.
“In a good way or bad way?” You looked nervously to the camera and to him. He mirrored your actions, switching from you to the camera lens.
“Okay, 1,2,3!” You both slid them over, revealing your work to each other. Both mouths fell open with surprise, clearly underestimating the other. “Oh my God!” You said as he came over your shoulder, needing to explain himself. “So, this is – was supposed to be a dress,” he looked at you, “but, it looks more like a jumpsuit but whatever. These were . . the neckline?”
“The sweetheart neckline,” you nodded, holding up the biscuit.
“Yeah. Your boobs are a little uneven but hey,” he held his hands up, not letting it worry him. “Then we have some pink for your lips, but . .”
“She’s a little smudged! . . But it’s fine! Just got a little carried away under the mistletoe.”
“And here,” he was laughing at this, “we used the black for your lashes. The—”
You looked at the shakingly drawn lines around the eyes, “lookin’ a little bit like spider legs, but I see them. I like them!” You smiled at his artwork, “I like her! She’s adorable. I wish my lashes were that long.”
“You like it?!” He looked at you surprised.
“Yeah! I’m happy with it!” You praised. “Ok so obviously, you're a little hard to do. But I went with the Krox merch,” you pointed to the word iced neatly on them. “Some shorts, I tried to give you a bucket hat, going for that festival look, you know,” you babbled, seeing how Cal smiled at the cool gingerbread man representing him. “Yeah.”
“That’s dopeee,” he was evidently gassed by your creation. “Look at him– the Krox!” He showed it off to the camera, while you smiled at him in the back like a creep. Who knew a gingerbread man could bring so much happiness?
“What a cute couple,” you held them both beside each other.
“RIGHT! So, I’ve quickly parted from Cal ‘cause I need to run to a shop and collect one more thing for him, he has no idea,” you were rushing through town with the camera in your hand. “I told him to record on his phone to show what he’s doing in the meantime—”
It cut to said blond, holding the camera under his chin and then to the store in front of him, the displays of makeup on show that he didn’t have a clue about. “What the fuck do you get for a stocking filler? Who– what even is this?!” He picked up a tube of something. “Don’t get a girlfriend, fellas. They’ll buy you stockings with your names on them and then you're obliged to buy the pickiest presents thing for them every year, it’s not —”
“Cal is literally so lucky to have me, if he doesn’t kiss my feet when he opens this, I will b – I’ll be taking it back!” You tutted to your camera. “I wonder what he’s got me . . . I wonder if he’s got something for my stocking, yet, as well.”
When you met up again to go into the final few shops together, it was much darker and colder in the evening, but it built on the Christmas spirit and made you feel cozy being wrapped up in the comfiest clothes. You’d made your second stop to the car to drop your bags off before going into the final shop to buy something needed for the house. “Here. Just need to pay for it now,” you held up your bag as you both went down the escalator. “We’ll go to the – Oh!” You paused, holding the camera to the ceiling to show the little bit of mistletoe taped above the stairs for customers. You had to laugh, wondering how they’d even gotten it up there and why not in the elevator or something. “Strange spot for mistletoe.”
“It’s as well I’m not stood beside some geezer,” Cal laughed, the little joke pulled by the store not working for them.
“Unlucky for him,” you widened your eyes.
“ . . Do I not get my kiss then?”
You furrowed your brows at his sopping and looked at him ridiculously while he just laughed at your reaction. “You’re a joke.” You looked to your camera, “he wouldn’t kiss me on camera. He talks shit.”
“Excuse me—”
“He’s weird about that shit, he’d get embarrassed,” you taunted knowing it was true.
“We can’t pull it off, we’re not Zalfie.” He excused.
“We love you Zalfie, that’s not a dig,” you held a hand up apologetically, Callum adding, “we do love you Zalfie.”
When you dropped your camera to stop, Cal’s hand pushed you closer by your cheek where he smothered it in quick little smooches, melting your heart as you knew just how much he loved you. “I can’t believe you weren’t going to kiss me under the mistletoe.”
“Sorry. Is the camera a cock block?” You rolled your eyes as he continued kissing your cheek.
“Always,” he laughed, just about catching the corner of your mouth before you stepped off the moving staircase. You quickly gave him that kiss whilst there was no one around to disturb with your public affection. “Let’s go to the market.”
“Cal you’re not getting me drunk!” You warned.
On the way to the place, you had to stop once running into someone who recognised the pair of you with their cute little dog wearing a Christmas sweater. “Oh my God, guys, look at this cutie,” you cried, kneeling to stroke the little puppy sausage dog wagging its tail. “He is the cutest ever!” You exclaimed, standing up whilst Cal knelt to stroke him. “This is Denny and here is Emily, his owner,” you have her her 10 seconds of fame. “Here,” you passed her your camera, “live your vlogger moment,” you laughed as she held your camera and modeled like an influencer under the city lights of London. You both chuckled as she handed you it back, “so nice to meet you! Your dog is the most adorable,” you complimented, “you're a good dog mum.”
“Thank you! I’m sure you would be too!” She smiled, “so lovely to meet you, have a lovely Christmas!”
“Thank you! You as well!” You gave her a hug, as did Callum, before you quickly parted and sped on to the market place. “I would literally love nothing more than a dog. Every year I say to Cal for a dog but . . here we are, 10 years later, still no dog,” you told as you both followed the other through the streets of town.
“No! We had a dog!”
“No, Harry had a dog. He was Harry’s dog–” the never ending argument started up again, “Herb—”
“We all had to look after Herb—”
“YES! But he was Harry’s dog! If he was scraping at the door to get out, I was telling Harry to go take his dog out.”
“He was a joint effort and you didn’t bother—”
“I looked after that dog well for the year we had him,” you laughed, “when you went on holidays, I was left to look after him whilst you three were partying up in Ibiza. He loved me!”
“I doubt it.”
“Out of you, Callux and Harry, I was that dog’s favourite. I would have kept him.”
“I disagree.”
“Lux didn’t look after him?!”
“I seen him feed him more times than you.”
He was such a wind up. “You’re such a liar!” You scoffed. “You're evil.” He probably didn’t want a dog ‘cause of the attention you used to give that little spaniel.
He shrugged, not budging.
You turned your camera back to you. “Fuck you Harry. Ruining my chances of ever getting a dog.” Callum laughed loudly at that.
“Okay guys, we made it to the Christmas Market, woo!” You cheered, holding up the crepes in your hand and your camera high enough to get both you and Cal in the shot. He stood behind you, holding up the hot chocolate he’d bought to help warm him up as the background of the little market stalls and people walking around filled the view. “I got my crêpe. Cal’s got a drink but he’s trying to get me to the beer garden and I really don’t want to,” you groaned into your lens.
“She won’t go for just one! Last one of the year!” He argued.
“It’s never just one with you, though! With anything!” You answered, trying to be serious but not being serious in the slightest, not whilst talking to him. “I can’t afford a hangover tomorrow. No.”
You proceeded to walk around, going into the different stalls and looking at all the different things for saw. You’d ended up buying a cute keyring for your car keys and a nice little handcrafted necklace with a colourful stone. You were a sucker for some jewellery. “Oh! Don’t look now, Cal,” you playfully wanted as you found another jewellers; this time with diamonds and silver. You caught his unimpressed gaze on camera as you viewed the possible engagement rings, stunned by how shiny they all were. “Wow, look at that one.”
“This has been picked up the most by lots but not yet bought,” the salesman approached, picking up the sparkliest rock of a ring you’d seen. It was very, very pretty.
“Don’t be giving her any ideas, chief!” Callum called, sending them both into a ruckus of laughter as you were left to shoot a look to your camera lens. “Ha-Ha,” you mocked. So funny.
Ultimately though, you’d managed to be coaxed into going to Callum’s favourite place in the market — the famous beer garden. You’d finally have in as he led you both the way, not letting go of your hands as to not lose you in the crowds. “Just this way.”
“Guys look where I’ve ended up,” you showed the sign above your head. Callum was obnoxiously smiling next to you, clearly excited to get you in there. You knew it was a bad idea but even he knew you couldn’t resist a good drink in that atmosphere: I mean it only did come once a year. “I think I’m gonna end the vlog here. My cameras about to die anyway and I’m sure you’ll not miss much from here on,” you said truthfully. “If Day 23 doesn’t get posted, it’s cause I didn’t live to see it and was dying in bed all day because of this,” you pointed it to the blond, looking devious behind you. “Cal, I’m telling you, one drink.” You held your finger up to him.
“Famous last words,” he sang as you both went inside and got seated. You found a table and had your drinks brought to you and cheers-ed on camera. “Happy Christmas, darling,” he said in that matter-of-fast tone, as you grimaced bringing the drink to your lips, “Happy Christmas you fucking . .” you looked at him, unable to hold back the smile as he prepares to race you in a drink off, “sprout.”
After 2 drinks, you picked up your camera, forgetting to end it aa Cal had just placed your third down on your table. “See you tomorrow for Day 23!” You smiled, laughing at him imitate your sweet smile. “If not,” you held it up close to his face hovering over your shoulder, “his fault.” He placed a long, loving kiss on your cheek to aware your viewers he would actually look after you, permitting you to leave your camera in your bag for the rest of the night and allow them to come up with different ideas as to what you two got up to for the rest of the night.
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scientia-rex · 1 year
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People without medical training don’t know what they don’t know. You can have an exceptional amount of knowledge about specific things, especially conditions that affect you, but you do not understand the underlying mechanisms and interplay of different systems. You just can’t. I studied my ass off for seven years and spent the whole goddamn time doing reading and homework and practice and listening to lectures and watching videos, and I’m only DIMLY aware of how much I don’t know. And this is after my master’s in experimental psych and years working in research.
-How does an antidepressant work?
-What is normal flora for the vagina?
-What should blood pressure be?
You may think you know the answer to one or more of those questions. You might think it’s easy, or you might think it’s hard. You’d be wrong. No one knows the answers to any of those—not really. We have an absurd amount of knowledge about these subjects that takes years of education to even have the background to understand, and we don’t know. We’ve done research for decades on these questions. Very smart people have spent a lot of money and time on these questions. We. Don’t. Know. We have simplistic answers we give kids and surgeons, but we don’t actually know any of those things.
And that’s just the barest tip of the iceberg of what we don’t know. Modern medicine knows more than we ever have before by unbelievable orders of magnitude. And we know so little it’s like standing on the loneliest atoll in the ocean, staring out at the vast seas of our ignorance.
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seabysiren · 1 year
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141 Task Force Streamer AU!!!
the ghost force channel began with just you and Simon in the beginning. simon came to you with a proposal after hearing some of his coworkers chatting idly on their break.
simon works his ass off since graduation. he had to. to get him mom out of that hell hole. to help his drug addict of a brother.
normally he would’ve rolled his eyes at the slackers, but the conversation caught his interest. that someone could make a living off of playing video games and whatever else. (he had to search up markiplier and pewdiepie to fully understand)
simon had to ask you about the idea. he wasn’t the best versed in technology, nor did he have good, working computer. (each time he booted up the old hand me down laptop it sounded like it was about to blast off into space.)
you had jumped at the idea. you nodded happily as he slowly explained what he had overheard. then shyly asked if he could borrow your pc.
it was kinda funny though. simon would whip out his glasses and squint at the screen as you taught him the basics of how to video record and download games.
when you first opened the editing software he just slowly looked at you. blinking slowly like a cat. there was no way he was gonna be able to understand all this.
so you promised you would learn just for him.
it took a few recordings of you and him messing around to finally get him comfortable talking into a microphone. because this man doesn’t talk. he just sits in silence and observes most of the time.
you jokingly call him grandpa. in return he just gives you this dead stare.
it took a lot of time to think about the channel name. simon didn’t want it to sound dumb, nor too try hard. (you teased him about the new lingo)
he settled with ghost. because if this didn’t work out, he would just disappear. and because this was a side gig, something bound to fail.
you tacked on force at the end because you knew. you knew that whoever was going to watch his first video is gonna be a simp. I mean, have you heard his voice??
the first video recording was around thirty minutes of good old minecraft. seemed popular enough. and paired with simon’s deep voice and his dry humor, it was all set to go.
you reassuringly rubbed his back when he posted the first video. you could see in his eyes and from the way he wrung his hands he was a bit nervous.
that same day you ushered him home to rest.
that same night was when it began.
the simping.
you had to filter the majority of the comments in the beginning because you just didn’t have the heart to show him all the thirsty comments about his raspy, deep voice.
he was just happy to have a bit of extra cash. that he didn’t have to work himself to the bone if this channel grew.
and grew it did.
not only was everyone really liking his voice, but also his dry ass humor and dark jokes. coupled with the fact that for some reason he was really good at learning game mechanics, you were able to easily record and edit.
him angrily clicking on the red bed and being told there’s monsters nearby.
“good night moon. good night tree. good night zombie that i cant see but i fucking know you’re there.”
fucking hates dating sims. but his audience thinks it’s funny for him to dryly play the protagonist.
“goddamn it i dont wanna fuckin’ talk to you ya bloody muppet.”
he’s not allowed to play dream daddy anymore from the pure frustration that radiates off him. that and because you don’t want his blood pressure to rocket.
loves lying and tricking his viewers. makes up the most absurd background information about himself because he just thinks it’s funny.
“i wasn’t born for this fuckin romance. i was born for politics. been told i have great hair and i love lying.”
you chime in every once in a while and have funny little text chat comments. especially when you have a counter about the amount of times he insults something with the word muppet.
he’s british. his accent is too powerful for the simps. there are too many videos making fun of his british-ness. next video title is called damn Americans reviewing all their stupidity in return.
you call his fan base little poltergeists because damn do they make a tonna noise. their so vocal about his voice and dry humor. that and because they love clowning on him.
he gets bullied for playing valorant instead of apex. in return he mops the floor with anyone who stream snipes his games.
loves mystery games. and action games. anything in general he can shoot and lie and absolutely destroy other players
he’s a little too good at among us to be healthy.
overall 10/10 recommend coparenting a channel together with simon.
ps he’s known for this one quote that went viral.
“im going to defeat you with the power of friendship… and this knife I just found.”
part II
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shion-yu · 18 days
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Taco Fiesta 2.0
Quick story for fun ft. @wussifer's OC Jack and my boy Cliff who are actual soulmates in another life <3 Based on this. 1,287 words, CW: food poisoning, emeto, mucho fluff.
Jack's love for questionably safe street food had gotten him in trouble more than once over the years. Cliff kept telling him to stay away from those stands but Jack's memory seemed only to last a few months before he took the plunge again. This time is was "Phil's Philly Steaks" and Jack thought the name was way too funny to pass up trying. 
Cliff groaned and tried to tug him along. "Jack, please, Leo's got dinner at home waiting for us," he tried, but it was hopeless. The call of street meat with a terrible pun was all too powerful. 
"It's fine," Jack said casually as he handed over a wad of ones. "I have a different stomach for this kind of thing."
"You do not," Cliff rolled his eyes. "Just don't come to me when it's 'Got Taco to the Fiesta' 2.0, alright?" 
"Sure, baby," Jack said cheerfully, accepting the giant paper plate overflowing with steaming Philly steak that he was handed. "Thanks man," he told the vendor and Cliff followed behind him to a nearby bench.
Cliff looked at Jack's purchase with distaste. "That looks like brains," he said. 
Jack took a big bite and hummed with satisfaction. "Delicious brains though. Wanna try?" 
"Absolutely not," Cliff said, pushing the forkful Jack was holding up away and sticking out his tongue. He waited as Jack miraculously devoured the entire meal and threw away the plate with a satisfied burp. "You're so gross," Cliff whined as Jack laughed and appologized. 
They took the train back home and made it to Leo's apartment without further incident. Jack's belly was sticking out a bit but true to his word, he managed to shove down a whole plate of dinner made by Leo, too. Cliff had no idea how his boyfriend had such a bottomless appetite but he figured at least Jack was eating enough for the both of them, given Cliff no longer ate my mouth. After dinner they went to Jack's room where Jack sat at his desk to study and Cliff watched videos on bed. 
Jack was still studying when Cliff got sleepy and turned in for the night. "Night Jackie," he said. Jack blew him a kiss and looked fondly at his little family on bed, made up of Cliff, one cat in his arms and one dog at his feet. He had about fifty of the same exact picture but he couldn't help but snap another one with his phone, they were just so cute. 
Around eleven, Jack's stomach started rumbling loudly. He rubbed it and shifted in his chair uncomfortably. He had definitely eaten too much today, but it'd go down soon enough. Except an hour later, it certainly hadn't gone down and Jack felt even more bloated than before. He groaned and stood up, thinking maybe walking around would help. Did they have Tums in the bathroom? Jack located then and chewed two of the tablets. The chalky taste did the opposite of make him feel better and he realized very quickly that he was feeling nauseous. 
It was just too much food, he told himself. No way this was the tacos from three months ago 2.0. He hit his chest with his fist a few times and let out a loud belch that made his eyes water. He glanced at Cliff but his boyfriend was still sleeping soundly. The dog, however, was staring at him in startled disdain.
"Sorry Sabi," Jack said, rubbing his aching stomach. Sabi sniffed as if he understood and rested his head back down on Cliff's legs. 
Jack tried to go back to studying, but his stomach was really burning now and it felt like the words he was attempting to read were running all over the page. He had begun to sweat and groaned, pushing his chair away from the desk and pressing his forehead on the edge. He tried to breathe through the nausea but one thought about the neon yellow cheese sauce on that cheese steak today put him over the edge and he made a mad dash for the bathroom.
It was an absurd amount of food to have eaten, and it felt absurd coming back up. Jack threw up wave after wave of chunky, smelly vomit and swore to himself for probably the twentieth time that he'd listen to Cliff about the street food next time. After a few minutes it seemed like he was empty, and the dizziness was gone. Jack flushed the toilet and stood on shaky legs to wash his face and hands in the sink. He listened, but Leo's bedroom was too far away to hear and Cliff seemed to have manage to sleep through it despite the occasional very loud moan that had come out of him. 
Jack returned to the desk in his room, hoping that was it. Going back to studying turned out to be a no go though and Jack gave up quickly, crawling into bed next to Cliff and resting his head on Cliff's chest. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep. The attempt lasted about fifteen minutes before Jack was launching himself back into the bathroom for round two. That solidified it - it wasn't just overeating and Phil's Philly Steak was most certainly the culprit. Jack threw up until there really wasn't anything left but stomach acid. It took him another ten minutes to gather the strength to stand up and wash up again, spraying some air freshener on his way out to mask the putrid smelling combo of fry oil mixed with puke. 
Jack stumbled back to bed and lay down, clutching his stomach with a loud groan. Cliff didn't look so cute asleep anymore. He looked annoyingly peaceful while Jack was going through cheese steak purgatory. Jack shook his shoulder, whining. "Cli-ifffff." 
Cliff twitched and opened his eyes, squinting at Jack cluelessly. "What?" He asked, his voice thick with sleep.
"I threw up," Jack said pathetically. 
"Oh, sorry baby," Cliff mumbled, reaching for Jack and pulling him close. "Do you... need... Zzzz." Aaaaand he was asleep again. Jack sighed and cuddled against Cliff anyways. Cliff tended to be fairly useless between the hours of ten PM and eight AM unless Jack really set off the alarms, but he wasn't going to do that for another round of food poisoning by stupidity. 
"Thanks Cliff, you're so comforting," Jack muttered. Cliff's arms did feel nice though, and before Jack knew it his eyes had begun to sag closed. "Love you," he said.
The next morning there'd be plenty of time for scolding and then coddling and rubbing Jack's back as he threw up again. But at least until morning, the two of them managed to sleep - one much deaper than the other. 
"You should've woke me up," Cliff said the next morning while serving Jack plain toast in bed, hoping it would ease Jack's stomach cramps.
"I did," Jack said.
"Really?" Cliff asked, a look of genuine confusion on his face. "Sorry. I don't remember."
"It's okay," Jack said. "I'll forgive you if you make me a good Philly cheese steak at home."
Cliff made a face of disbelief. "Jack, you cannot seriously want to eat right now," he said.
"Not now! Later. To erase the taste of the poisonous version from my memory," Jack said.
Cliff shook his head. "Maybe you should try and remember the poisonous one next time you want street food," Cliff said. But then Jack gave him such kicked puppy dog eyes that he added, "Okay, I'll do it, just listen to me next time, please?" 
Jack grinned, gave Cliff innocent doe eyes and said with an incredible amount of confidence, "I always listen to you!"
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callsign-bunnie · 9 months
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gazrudy omega/omega for the betterment of the world my friend
This took longer than it should have and I will admit, a fair amount of it was worldbuilding. Yes, for a oneshot.
--
Rodolfo had been a camboy, a male omega sexual streamer, since he was 19 years old. He’d been struggling to pay his way through college and so a friend, Soap Mactavish, had gotten him into it. The friend was also an omega, and he had made a fuck ton of money doing “pleasure streams” where he essentially got paid to play with himself while lonely, horny alphas would watch and tip him.
Like Rodolfo had said, Soap made a ton of money. An absurd amount of money. So, Rodolfo had tried it. He’d apparently been exactly what a bunch of these alphas were looking for, because his first stream had secured him several “regulars” through the site he was using.
Then, that site shut down and left a lot of the streamers without work. So, Rodolfo and Soap had combined Soap’s computer science degree and Rodolfo’s business management degree and they’d started their own site.
They didn’t want to deal with employment laws or anything, so only they used the site, but they had had plenty of regulars, two of which actively fund Rodolfo and Soap’s individual lifestyles, so they had had enough revenue to keep going. 
Soap eventually moved away from streaming to just doing videos and he had even done personal meets with a couple of his regulars, now doing regular meetings and “sessions” with the aforementioned alpha, Ghost, that basically was Soap’s Sugar Daddy, and so Rodolfo was still the primary streamer.
Or, he had been. Then, Gaz came into his life. Rodolfo had wanted a bigger apartment, but he didn’t want to live alone, and he wasn’t quite ready to take the plunge and allow Alejandro, his regular, to become his Sugar Daddy, yet, so he would need someone to help him pay rent.
Gaz was, at first, a quiet and shy omega. Rodolfo had only needed someone to cover 1/3 of the rent, and he’d figured it’d be easier to find someone that way. Gaz was new to the area, a transfer from a different college, and apparently the luxury apartment that Rodolfo had chosen was a dream come true for him, which…
Well, Rodolfo wouldn’t brag but it definitely was a fantastic apartment. 
And, he was a pleasant omega. Gorgeous, Rodolfo would say, and fairly funny once he got used to you. He kept the two rooms he rented clean and while he didn’t cook much, he was very forthcoming in compliments when Rodolfo did. 
Well, Gaz had lost his job around six months into their living situation, and this was around the same time Soap had stopped streaming. A gap in the website had been opened and Gaz had came to Rodolfo and asked if he could start streaming as well and they’d came to the agreement that Rodolfo would just take his portion of rent from the revenue and give him the rest.
Gaz had been very popular, right off the bat, just like Rodolfo. He was tall for an omega, but he was, as Rodolfo had mentioned, gorgeous. All legs, smooth skin, and while he was a bit shy on camera, a lot of the viewers had eaten it up, calling it refreshing from Soap’s sultry personality. (Soap had had a few things to say, but he’d ultimately agreed that Rodolfo could play sultry enough for the both of them and that Gaz was a bit of a change. He had not appreciated Rodolfo’s challenge of him going back to streaming, though.)
They’d never streamed together, though. The other omega made Rodolfo feel odd things… He’d never been quite sure he wanted to cross that line, unsure he’d be able to come back from it.  
-
“Classes were awful.” Gaz groaned and plopped down on the couch beside Rodolfo, using a towel to try his hair. “I don’t know what bug has been up my professor’s asses, but with the exception of Price and Laswell… Ugh, I don’t even know. I’m sick of them.”
Rodolfo laughed, softly, amused with his roommate. He’d graduated a few months previous and wasn’t sure he wanted to pursue his master’s, yet. He knew the website couldn’t be his career, forever, but he doubted he needed a master’s as a landing pad. “I do not miss classes.”
Gaz snorted and slammed back into the couch, just wearing a towel. “What are we watching?”
Rodolfo shrugged, looking away before his head got distracted. “Something random. It was suggested on the front of the streaming site, so I just stuck it on. Honestly, it’s garbage, might as well be on the Lifetime channel.”
Gaz “ahhed” and then sighed. “I should do some classwork I have, but I think if I looked at it, I might throw my laptop across the room, so I think I might skip out, tonight.”
Most were shocked when Gaz was revealed to be more of a jock than an academic. He had fantastic grades, he was in the more advanced courses, and he placed a lot of emphasis on keeping his mind sharp, but Gaz was also head of the omega’s volleyball team, played co-ed football, and just, generally, seemed to prefer sports. 
Rodolfo laughed, again. “That laptop is important for making money, so maybe don’t put it in jeopardy of being broken?”
“That was my thinking.” Gaz smiled at him and then he shrugged. “So, no homework tonight.” 
Then, the other omega stretched out, closing his eyes and yawning softly. Rodolfo’s eyes immediately went over his limbs, following every inch of skin, and he grasped at the blanket he was under. He didn’t know what to call this, was it a crush? Whatever it was, it was on his last nerves and he needed to stop having to deal with it. “Let’s order dinner.” Gaz suddenly said, opening his eyes. This startled Rodolfo, so he quickly looked away. “Are you… okay?”
Rodolfo found himself blushing dark and he looked at the ceiling. “Yeah. I’m fine.” When he looked at Gaz, Gaz didn’t look convinced. “Anyway, you said let’s order dinner?”
“Yeah…” Gaz narrowed his eyes for a moment before shrugging and getting out his phone. “Our usual?”
“Yeah, sure.” Rodolfo nodded a bit, trying his best to turn back to the TV and focus on it. “Are you planning on streaming tonight?”
“No. I made enough off the last that I think i’m gonna take a break, tonight.” Gaz answered and set his phone down, again. “Why do you ask?”
“I don’t know.” He’d just been curious. “Just… was asking.”
Gaz “ahhed” and then they fell into an awkward silence. Rodolfo really needed to get a handle on himself. “Have you gotten any consistent regulars? I haven’t checked in on your streams, lately.” It was getting too much to handle.
“Yes, actually… A couple. One, I feel bad, but I think he’s trying to become like Ghost and Alejandro is to you and Soap. He’s very sweet, nice to talk to.” Gaz explained. “Hasn’t told me his name, yet.”
Funnily enough, Rodolfo wasn’t that jealous. It’s what made his feelings even more complicated. Because he wouldn’t be jealous if Gaz found an alpha like he or Soap had. He certainly would if Gaz got into an actual relationship, but not something like that. Soap and Ghost’s relationship did verge on romantic but… it wasn’t committed.
Rodolfo nodded a bit. “He sounds good. Spoils you, I presume?”
“Completely.” Gaz smiled. “I don’t know, he seems lonely, I… I feel like I’m taking advantage of him. How do you and Soap not feel bad about Ghost and Alejandro?”
“Fuck,” Rodolfo winced. Alejandro was complicated… Alejandro was a childhood best friend… He did feel bad. “I do feel bad. It’s why I’ve tried to back away from it. I don’t know how Soap does it… Well, I think he really likes Ghost, I think that’s how.”
Gaz frowned and then sighed. “I love doing this, but… it gets so complicated on my emotions. So many lines constantly get blurred… I don’t know where to set my boundaries and where to take them down.”
Rodolfo agreed that it could get really complicated. So insanely complicated. “Trust me, I get it.” He looked away from Gaz, again grasping at the blanket. When the food arrived, he took a breath and got up to go get it, handing Gaz his and then hesitating. “I think I’m going to go eat in room and then go to bed early.”
Gaz frowned and then looked disappointed before nodding. “Alright. Sleep well, Rudy.”
Rodolfo nodded and then went to his room, taking a deep breath. God, he needed to get a handle on himself. He shook it off and just turned something on the tv, trying desperately hard to get his mind off the other omega. Gaz was right, things got so overwhelmingly complicated.
With Soap, with Alejandro, and definitely with Gaz. He wanted a ton of things he couldn’t exactly have and it drove him mad. It didn’t feel fair, sometimes, how complicated things could get. He didn’t want to be dealing with all of these feelings… 
He made a frustrated sound and just focused on eating and whatever shit movie he’d put on. He fought his mind to keep it off of his roommate, and to keep himself from going out to the living room and opening a door he wasn’t sure he’d be able to close.
When he finished eating, he put his leftovers in the little mini fridge he kept in his room, so he wouldn’t have to leave his room, and just tried to settle into bed, tired anyway. It did cross his mind to stream, but… he really didn’t feel like it. 
He jumped when he heard his door start to open, quickly sitting up, and frowning when Gaz came into his room. “Gaz, I-”
Gaz didn’t give him a chance to speak, crossing the room and climbing onto the bed, his mouth immediately on Rodolfo’s. It startled and shocked Rodolfo, but he couldn’t find himself shoving the other omega away, either. 
Gaz’s hands were all over Rodolfo, clumsy but in a desperate way, not an inexperienced way. Rodolfo didn’t fight him when he was shoved down into the bed, and he just moved his hands to grasp at Gaz’s arms as he moved to kiss his neck, and Rodolfo keened up into him.
“I- What are you doing?” Rodolfo asked, almost not expecting to receive an answer.
Gaz shoved his hands up Rodolfo’s shirt, causing him to shiver as his cold skin touched Rodolfo’s always warm skin. However, then he paused. “I… I like you. I know you like me too, and I want… us to acknowledge that.”
Rodolfo flushed dark and he moved to be able to look at Gaz, easier, before touching his face and kissing him again. He softened when the other omega just melted and then his hands were touching all over him, again. 
Eventually, they found between his legs, thrusting under his panties and Rodolfo gasped as fingers pushed into him. He was already so slick and he whined as Gaz’s long fingers worked in and out of his body, gladly accepted by it. “Fuck, Gaz…” he moaned, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. 
Gaz purred and nuzzled into Rodolfo’s neck, biting and kissing over the skin that was there. “You’re so pretty…” It was almost whined into his skin. He flushed dark red as he felt Gaz grind into his thigh and he quickly scented him, gasping at the harsh bite he earned in response. 
Rodolfo arched his back as Gaz’s fingers shoved deeper inside him, digging his nails into Gaz’s back and grinding his hips against his hand. Finally, Gaz scented him in return and he just melted as the sensation of a hot summer rain filled his senses, moving so he could bite into Gaz’s shoulder.
Gaz continued to grind into his thigh, in time with his hand movements, and he moaned Rodolfo’s name, which had his stomach doing odd things, flipping and squeezing. Rodolfo continued to grasp onto him, rocking against his hand and shifting his hips so he could push his leg up against Gaz. Gaz’s movements stuttered a bit, before they seemed to pick up in intensity.
It wasn’t long and Rodolfo was tensing as he came, arching his back up and into Gaz. Gaz came shortly after him, his hips stuttering and jerking. “Fuck…” Gaz whined when he was done and then he moved to the side, hugging onto Rodolfo and nuzzling him. 
Rodolfo melted into the bed, panting softly, before turning and curling up into the other omega. “That’s certainly a way to acknowledge feelings.” He finally teased, softly. “Maybe a conversation, next time, corazón?”
“Maybe…” Gaz laughed, softly. “I didn’t hear you complaining.”
No, Rodolfo certainly hadn’t been. And he wasn’t, now. He yawned. “Sleep in here, tonight…” he murmured, nuzzling into the other’s chest. “Please.”
Gaz just nodded. “I will…” He murmured, and then Rodolfo heard his breathing slow as he, presumably, dozed off. So, Rodolfo joined him, smiling softly as he did so.
--
Do you want to be added to this taglist? Reply to this post that you wish to be added to the taglist and I will start to tag you in it every time I post it. You can also use this form!
Ship: @the-pluto-828 @lieutenant-storm @roachboy @del79jji
Oneshots: @thegodofsleep @the-pluto-828 @sinclairbrosbathmat @wittymanatee @vergilnelosparda @roachboy @del79jji @thisisthedarknessofmymind @thatnerdnamedtj
Omegaverse: @arwenprinses @vergilnelosparda @del79jji @thisisthedarknessofmymind @stardust-medic99
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ghostoffuturespast · 3 months
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People I Would Like To Get To Know Better
Tagged by @dani-the-goblin! Thank you! <3
Last Song: Anarchy - Biting Elbows (Guess the next chapter title of my fic lol)
Favorite Color: Orange
Currently Watching: Zilch, na-da. Have been playing Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom in between CP2077, which has been a nice change of pace. Aside from saving Hyrule, my favorite pastimes are foraging for ingredients and sighing every time I have to rescue a Korok. Those lil’ shits are always in trouble… But they're adorable and I love them.
Last Movie/TV Show: Errrr… I don’t remember. My brain’s largely been reserved for writing, playing video games, and procrastinating on adult responsibilities, which is why I’m very boring and I haven’t read/watched anything...
Spicy/Savory/Sweet: Spicy and savory, my favorite combo.
Relationship Status: In a relationship with an irl wizard. It’s very Howl and Sophie vibes over here.
Current Obsession: CP2077 and drinking absurd amounts of tea in the afternoon. Eating too much cheese. Going on afternoon walks.
Last Google Search: “hylian tomato location” (there was a spot I remembered picking a bunch of tomatoes, but then couldn’t remember where that was)
Tagging with no pressure: @baublekute @jackiemychoom @leota-nexus @spacervanguard
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coolgreatwebsite · 4 months
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Happy 1 Million Views to the Video That Broke Me
This is a repost of something I wrote over on my Cohost, but I figured a year later it should also probably live on the domain I pay money to have. Better late than never!
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This is the most successful piece of content I have ever created. At one million views it is the thing I've made that people have seen the most. It is the thing that the most people have seen my name attached to. And it's total trash.
It's 2017 and we're a week or so out from the release of Sonic Mania, a game that I'm, at that point, pretty damn excited for. A kindly poster from the Something Awful forums (that I have known from many forums previous) poses a challenge: be the first to beat his short kaizo Sonic the Hedgehog 2 ROM hack and he'll gift you a copy of Sonic Mania on Steam when it comes out.
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I was already getting the game on PS4 but I figured whatever, everyone else seems to be having trouble with it, I'm bored, I got nothing better to do, I'll give it a shot. I load up KEGA Fusion, start a low bitrate and resolution OBS recording because it'll probably take a few hours and who cares it's a forum contest verification video, and get to work. A hour and half-ish goes by and I'm finished with the hack. I upload the video to YouTube, post it in the thread, win my free copy of Sonic Mania, and that's the end of the story. Thanks for reading.
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Except of course it's not the end of the story. A few months after I got done thoroughly enjoying Sonic Mania, I realized that I'd been getting a weird amount of new subscriber emails from YouTube. I decided to actually look at my metrics and noticed a uh, highly localized spike of activity. Give you one guess on which video (hint: it's the one this post is about). "The Algorithm" had suddenly taken it and was running away with it at lightning speed.
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In the timespan between posting the video and this spike, YouTube had announced they were drastically raising the bar on the metrics you needed to hit to have your channel monetized. I was by no means a large YouTuber at the time, but I was meeting the old requirements for monetization just fine. I wasn't anywhere near meeting the new requirements until now and this video was blowing the hell up for whatever reason, so I decided to do what any good opportunist would do and made it an unwatchable experience.
I set the ad frequency on that thing to the maximum that it'd let me. I forget exactly how frequent that was but it was something absurd like an ad every 5 minutes. Maybe even more than that. I figured I'd either get rich or maybe it would make people stop watching and leaving the worst comments in the world. Seriously the comments on this thing are their own nightmare, a bizarre soup of people ascribing meaning to nothing, trying to suss out emotions where there are none, saying complete gibberish, I'd need an entire second post to unpack whatever the hell is going on there.
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Well, I wouldn't quite say I got rich. The money you get off what most people would conventionally call a popular YouTube video is just not much in the grand scheme of things. But holy shit they didn't stop watching. If anything they were watching more. Why didn't they stop watching? This video was less than nothing. It was an ordeal to watch all the way through. Why were they doing this? Why was the algorithm showing this to everyone? Why this and not one of the things I put effort into or something that was at least meant to be entertaining at all? I didn't have the answers and I still don't.
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Before this I personally wasn't lamenting the possibility of losing monetization on my channel as up until this point I had made around $40 total on YouTube in the decade or so I'd had a channel. But I had been spending a lot that time watching friends with channels around the size of mine who were actively hustling to, and unfortunately failing to, meet the new hurdle. They were putting out some really good shit. Way better than my stuff, frankly. And here I was getting launched to the finish line by... a throwaway, blurry, hour and a half long, commentary-free, save state abusing playthrough of a crummy Sonic ROM hack? That I had made as a means to a completely separate end?? That got promoted by a computer program for seemingly no reason???
It felt shitty. One of the friends I mentioned in that last paragraph was my longtime friend Fotts who was in the middle of getting their (sadly now dormant) series TAS Force off the ground. They were constantly tweeting about the ordeal of trying to meet the new monetization requirements and it was a damn shame because they were putting in a ton of effort and it was great. The kind of thing I'd watch even if I wasn't friends with anyone on it. It was a million times funnier than anything I was doing, and the complete opposite of my shitty contest video. If there was any justice in this world the views I was getting on this dumpster fire would be going to them. But as it turns out, there is no justice online.
I recalled a conversation I had with them a few years back while they, I, and a group of about 7 or so other friends were all wandering around an Orlando Wal-Mart wearing identical black t-shirts that read "MARVEL CAN SUCK MY COCK" in big block letters (long story). They had actually kind of gone through this sort of thing before. See, they're the uploader and one of the voices of this video you may or may not have seen with 6.5+ million views on it.
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They lamented to me many of the laments I was currently lamenting. "This was just a stupid throwaway thing", "why is this so much more popular than the stuff I put effort into", "it's just me making PaRappa the Rapper say the word 'Chinese' over and over". Ok maybe that last one was a bit more specific to them. Anyway, I responded with (and I admit a lot of the reason I felt this way was because I thought and still think the video is funny) something along the lines of "you can't pick what hits for people, it might have been throwaway but at the end of the day you posted it because you thought it was at least a little bit funny, try and focus on the fact that you have a popular video at all rather than the fact it's not one of the videos you're particularly proud of".
But yeah damn turns out that advice is easier said than done when it happens to you, and it's even harder done when it happens to a factually not entertaining video. One you could have uploaded as unlisted and achieved your intended result with. The runaway success of this thing genuinely broke me on this whole "Internet" deal.
I should stress I mean this in a good way. I realized that it's not so much that you can't pick what hits for people, it's that you physically cannot pick what gets put in front of people. The people cannot pick what hits for them. A computer does. You can try and promote and affect what gets seen in your own small sphere of influence, but ultimately we are, on YouTube and on all of our social platforms, at the mercy of a black box of computer programs that I'm not even sure the people who created them understand anymore. I'd obviously known this on some level prior to this video existing, but bearing witness to it all happening firsthand to this video in particular was another thing entirely. Anything prior that I had achieved marginally similar success with (there were a couple that had broken 100k) was meant to be entertaining. It was meant for people to watch and go "I liked that", not for one guy on a forum to see and go "good work solving my maze Superman". I could classify the success as "neat, people liked that one" in my brain. This defied classification.
The only logical conclusion was that it truly didn't matter what I uploaded. It's all decided by a random machine picking things at random to serve random amounts of people, and the people click on it and watch it simply because it is there. You can poke at the machine, prod at the machine, try to guess what the machine likes, try to iterate on something the machine has previously demonstrated that it likes. It's all an effort to get the machine to put it in front of the people who will click it because it is there. That's what all the bigger capital-C Content Creators do. From the high level stuff of "what kind of things do I upload" to the low level minutia of "how many curse words can I say in the first minute", making it Big On Line in any capacity is about trying to appease an unknowable mechanical entity and nothing else. It's either that or you're "old money" in a sense, established before this all became the case.
And again, the bigger names do this. Entire companies do this. If I were "smart" I would have pivoted my entire YouTube channel to nothing but hour and a half long commentary-free bullshit hard ROM hack playthroughs. Maybe another one would hit like this did. But for the life of me I could not and cannot think of anything more soul crushing.
I wouldn't say I had aspirations to be a Big Time YouTube Man, but at that time I would have maybe liked to be a Moderate Size YouTube Man. Or a moderate size Twitch man. Someone who had people watching but was still able to have fun with it and do his own thing. This newfound realization that it was truly a random lottery, even beyond the random lottery that most of human life is, that becoming any size bigger than Small Time was literally decided by an actual factual random number generator, freed me from the desire to do anything that I didn't want to do. If actively chasing success on these modern, algorithmically-driven platforms, actively going after "Kaizo Sonic 2 Full Run" numbers, meant putting aside the things I like and reinventing myself and the things I do down to the minute details in order to appease a literal ghost beyond anyone's understanding or control that changes what it's looking for on a whim, then I did not want to do that. I did not want to keep a timer for when I could talk normal, I did not want to announce my streams on Twitter with the link in a separate reply one day, in an embedded image the next, and in my display name the next. If there is absolutely one thing I do not want to do in my life, it's dance for a robot.
But the most freeing thing about realizing this is that it also meant if I just kept doing stuff I liked, maybe, someday, I could get lucky enough to where the unknowable internet robot would push that in front of a million or so people. In the grand scheme of things it's about an equal chance of that happening on something I like and am proud of versus something I made in a desperate cloying attempt to placate an algorithm.
Anyway damn this got long and rambly sorry about that lol. This was initially meant to just be a little toast to the 5 year-ish anniversary of me fully becoming an Internet nihilist. Remember folks, it's meaningless to chase success in an algorithm dominated landscape. In the words of a certain extremely Normal-type man, "real life isn't all just being true to yourself", but I reject the notion that the Internet is not or should not be, in spite of the legion of ghouls and freaks at the top of the chain actively trying to make that the case every day.
Be true to yourself. Do what you love, make what you love, post what you love, and maybe if you're lucky a computer somewhere will decide it's your turn, because that's the single deciding factor in all of this. In the mean time, you'll end up slowly and naturally surrounding yourself with cool people who get you, if only a little bit. At least that's what's happened for me so far. I've been pretty alright with it.
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nitewrighter · 8 months
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You don't need to answer if you don't feel like it, but do you have any random head cannons about Genji, mercy or any of the other OverWatch cast? (Like absurd meaningless things but still a part of their character, I personally just think those are some of the funniest/interesting headcannons sometimes)
I mean a lot of the time, certain things just kind of pop up organically in the process of writing fic. I'm not really in the habit of trying to tack things on to characters to make them more interesting, so much as extrapolating from canon to highlight what is interesting about them and how they contrast against the rest of that cast. So with that in mind...
>Mercy is fucking awful at a lot video games. I swear to god this isn't a 'healer mains can't aim' joke, it's really just like, as a surgeon, her brain has a very specific sense of reaction time and she really didn't play a lot of video games growing up. She's very good at puzzle games and brain teasers so long as there isn't too much sensory overload, but watching her attempt to play a platformer is painful.
>Genji tried to go into modeling work back in his playboy days and spent a stupid amount of money on professional shoots and headshots to create a portfolio before Hanzo had to tell him, "you are a fucking ninja, do you have any idea how stupid it is to have your face plastered on billboards?" It's not clear whether it was something Genji really deeply and genuinely wanted to do, something he saw as a possible means of leaving the clan while maintaining his lifestyle, or if he just liked doing it because it pissed Hanzo and the clan off, probably some combination of all three. But all of his slutty modeling pics are floating around the holo-net.... somewhere.
>As Hanzo gets more and more into whittling, his carvings kind of become his own weird little love language. He's still struggling a lot with vulnerability and like actively coming to terms with being around people and trusting them, but sometimes he'll be talking to someone very normally, very calmly and collectedly and with his usual seriousness and reserve, and then he'll leave and then there's just... a little thumb-sized wooden dog on their desk that wasn't there before. And like they didn't even notice when he put it down. And they're like, "Do other people get different animals? Is it a good thing that I have the dog? Who else has an animal?"
>Baptiste's one silly little collecting hobby he allows himself is corny novelty drink cups from different places he's traveled to. It's a little bit of Mauga's touristy quirks rubbing off on him, but he has a bunch of tiki cups, fake coconuts, quirky pint and shot glasses, and LED 'ice cubes' in multiple colors. He has a pachimari-shaped big gulp from the Pachimari theme park that Roadhog will--without hesitation--kill him to obtain. When Bap joins overwatch the staff mess hall becomes full of them, and like you know it's one of those things where actually yeah, they needed cups and it's not like anyone else really thought to bring them, but everyone is sitting in the mess hall quietly like, "Who the fuck brought a 'Party Naked in Key West' cup to the vigilante base?"
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madirablack · 2 years
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Turn the Kesha to 100 baby it's time for
JAYROY HEADCANONS
Singing full blast in the car like teenagers
"Dude, that's kinda gay can't lie"
Driving for hours on end when they can't sleep, or to have deep talks.
Roy has a truck he has in a random parking garage in Gotham, its red and has all sorts of random shit on the inside.
Jason has a beaten up old black muscle car that lives behind a 7-eleven in the middle of assfuck nowhere about 10 minutes out of star city.
Banned from 3 McDonald's as arsenal and red hood, for : chasing a mob boss through to the kitchen and in turn setting 2 small fires and breaking 3 ordering screens, dumping a scalding coffee down a creep's shirt for harassing underage girls, and trying to start the official #FUCKWAYNEENTERPRISES movement and setting up a shitty store inside with badly made buttons and bags
"Yeah can I get a [insert stupidly extra and long specialised iced coffee order]."
[Insert gallavich gif "You're under my skin man the fuck can I do?"]
They can both cook, but Jason's is better, in part due to being taught by Alfred
Neither of them actually make a point of going to bed to sleep at night, because sleep is a sensitive and difficult thing for them both
Roy can speak a surprising amount of Vietnamese, learned it to make sure Lian was still connected to her culture even when her mom wasn't around.
Know each other like the back of their hands, to a point that frustrates both of them.
If going to an event with Roy, Jason won't drink, and will probably avoid contact with those that have been.
Mama by MCR
Make an effort to have designated movie nights to just chill the fuck out, they watch like 3 movies each time and they're on Friday nights, each time a theme is picked by either one and they go for a random number on the streaming services category, usually the minutes past on the time. No matter how crap the movie is, they watch the whole thing. It's led to tons of inside jokes.
The main thing they argue about is drugs, and about ptsd, mainly triggering each other by accident.
Roy snores
Jason sleeptalks
Bruce fucking hates it when they turn up to galas or parties or stay extended amounts at the manor, because just when he expects them to be on their worst behaviour, they're perfectly polite, well mannered.
GOODBYE MY DANISH SWEETHEART - MITSKI
Jason only really cries when he's incredibly angry or when he has flashbacks. He drops from a angry sentient brick wall to that same tiny malnourished kid that died far too young, his hands up over his face, begging to not be hurt.
Roy cries very rarely, but when he does, it's infectious.
Tried impromptu Archery Lessons in one of the numerous weapons warehouses, resulted in an awkward trip to the ER
"I'm so fucking tired of this shit" "I know."
"Man, dude, bro, homie, my guy," only ever use romantic nicknames to annoy each other
Matching specific brand and type of Bluetooth earbuds, Jason has black and Roy has red
TATTOOS SMALL MATCHING TATTOOS
Small family run Mexican restaurant in the middle of Gotham is their fave, when it got robbed and bricked, they did a manhunt for 4 days straight to find the guys that did it.
Dumbass shit in summertime like jumping off of cliffs into the sea etc
Heaven's gate - fall out boy
Competitions as to who can annoy designated rich jla father more
Bro hugs all the time but the longer, genuine ones are few, but special.
Always make sure the other one eats in the morning, unspoken thing started by Jason, "if you wake up first, you make breakfast for us both, other guy cleans up"
Both have an absurd thing that makes them laugh hysterically for almost an hour every time without fail, (the intro to gangnam style and a video of 6ix9ine going "I let my nuts hang")
Play Apex together if they're apart (Jason Mains Maggie and Roy mains Mirage and is an actual bamboozle god)
Dancing in the kitchen to old 50s/60s stuff like an old married couple
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dailyfryes · 1 year
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Jack the Ripper DLC: a rant
Alright well, I always said I was going to write a rant about the Jack the Ripper DLC and how nonsensical it is. Since my boyfriend is playing it for the first time and I’m watching him play it... yeah well here’s my rant: 
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I don’t even know how to begin this, there’s an endless amount of plot holes and I’ll probably forget a few things. 
Let’s just start with the beginning of the game, you play as Jack and literally murder a cop in plain view of the public. In fact Jack kills a lot of people in this game who aren’t just the canonical five. It’s absurd. Obviously I know it’s for a video game but it just seems too over the top, I feel like there would be a bigger outroar from the public and more newspaper articles. But anyway this is the smallest gripe for me.
I absolutely hate how this DLC has Jacob being too soft about Jack to kill him. You’re kidding me, right? Yes, I know Jacob has a soft spot for the disenfranchised, but this is his empire he has built in London all at risk. His position as a Master Assassin, and no doubt a Head Assassin at the London Headquarters, all at risk. His FAMILY at risk. As much as he might view Jack as a son, he would love his own son and wife (and perhaps other kids if he has others) far more than he would care for Jack. God, they don’t even mention his family (or Evie’s!!!! She’s even still referred to as Miss Frye???)! We know for a fact he has a son (at the very least) during this DLC as Lydia is born five years after. Since Jaocb becomes a grandfather at 46 he would’ve had a wife by the time he went to India with Evie, Henry and Jack - yet she’s not in the photo. (Let’s be real though: Ubisoft is crap at keeping up with timelines.) And, no, I do not believe it to be in his character to be unmarried or a man who sleeps around (it’s not in his character: he is very devotional, and it’s also pretty biphobic to characterise him as someone who just sleeps around). I would assume Jacob sent his family away from London, but no we don’t even get a mention of them, or Henry. AND even worse: the entire London Brotherhood just dips?????????????????? This makes me assume Jacob is the Head Assassin because why else would the disappear? Even so, since when were Assassins such cowards?? It’s literally one man. 
Jack having influence over London, that’s why the Assassins left. This makes no damn sense. It is insane to me the power that Jack has over people in this game. Even so, why would a strong Brotherhood just leave because of one guy and some gang members? These London Assassins are stupid! So, Jack kills the canonical five, which he and both we know aren’t actually prostitutes, they’re Assassins. And yet Jack and his lackeys have a vendetta against prostitutes? He��s working with Lady Owers? Why? Why the hell would she work with him (like yeah I know she does it because she doesn’t want him to kill her: but why is he even after her??? She’s not a bloody Assassin!), he’s supposed to be completely and utterly anonymous. Not just anonymous in the form of an alias, literally no one is supposed to know who this man is. How did he even approach her to work with him anyway? Why is he going after prostitutes when he only wants to kill and get revenge on Assassins? Jack the Ripper was a misogynist who targeted prostitutes because he hated women. He mutilated them because he hated women. This DLC Jack is just after a vendetta against Jacob and the Brotherhood, so while I understand why the Assassins used prostitution as a disguise, it makes no sense that Jack continues to go after regular prostitutes. The writers made it clear he wants revenge, only does Evie at one point hint at him perhaps being a misogynist (”Do you hurt women to prove you’re a man, Jack?”) - this just seems like a lazy throwaway line to try tie in with the fact the real Jack was a misogynist, but again, this is not why he [this DLC Jack] killed the canonical five. So, it makes so sense. Also, I’ve said this before but, Jacob has not had a thing with Nellie like some of you in this fandom believe. 
Influence over the Rooks in Whitechapel, this I guess could be more believable. I don’t know about y’all but by the time I finished the main game I was rich as hell from all the races and boat raids etc. And as a Master Assassin in London I imagine Jacob (and Evie) would’ve done quite well with themselves and would be able to afford to live in the richer areas of London (I’m thinking the Strand, personally). So, perhaps the Rooks from poorer areas like Whitechapel are feeling left behind, and perhaps could be swayed to go against Jacob. But then you get to the hulled out war ships. It’s littered in Rooks. There’s no way in hell Jack has all these Rooks and all the ones in Whitechapel/London City following him. Jack won’t even be paying them! You’re telling me not ONE of the Rooks on the hulled out ships thought, hey this is kind of messed up? No one out of the hundreds of Rooks said anything, ever? Also what even IS this hulled out war ship place about? This makes the LEAST amount of sense. So Jack, for sadistic reasons, is taking a lot of people prisoner, paying a hangman and other lackeys, to ferry out his prisoners (even the game doesn’t know why he chooses his prisoners asides from him being sick in the head), watch over them in the hulls, organise their murder and then dispose of the bodies? This is dozens upon dozens of people missing. Yet there’s no outcry in the newspapers. Nothing. Also, Evie quite literally lets some of the prisoners free, assuming they got out by boat before Jack got there, they would be telling everyone they were held prisoner by Jack (the game really doesn’t make it clear if they got out or not). Not only that but Evie just took a boat out there, does that mean anyone could just accidentally stumble across these ships? I assume if they did they’d die too: their families would report them missing. But the dumbest thing of all, Evie phones in to the London Police to let them know what is happening, so the police get sent to investigate. Jack then comes back and kills them all. So these policemen, dozens of them, are not going to return and the London Police will know about it. They will go to these ships again and see a massacre of prisoners and policemen, it’ll be big news. Nah, nothing about it is even brought up again. It’s the dumbest thing about this stupid DLC.
Also, Jack goes back to the Lambeth Asylum to get revenge and kill the nurse who abused him as a child, Evie literally says “Jack’s trail of death continues”. Again... how is this not news, how is this not one of the canonical murders? Oh, because it makes no sense. He kills so many non-Assassins, so many people beyond the canonical five, that it makes no sense there’s such an outcry about five women being murdered. It’s like the rest don’t matter. The thing is it’s hard to make a game about Jack the Ripper the way Ubisoft is trying to, there’s too much murder at every corner, but it’s expected in an AC game; it would be boring if you didn’t have anyone to fight. I would’ve preferred Jack to be some elusive target for the Assassins: something the Brotherhood hasn’t dealt with: normal people. Not an Assassin, nor a Templar. Even still, a Templar would’ve made more damn sense than Assassin. However, I feel like even I could write a better DLC with Jack being an Assassin that wasn’t as nonsensical as this. My boyfriend, who doesn’t like AC as much as me, even said this DLC made no sense plot-wise.  
Side note: I would love to see how livid Evie and Jacob are at the pathetic London Assassins that come crawling back from their hiding holes. They left their stronghold, one of the most powerful cities in Europe, they left the citizens behind. Ugh. Obviously not all of them leave as Mary Jane Kelley is murdered on the Fryes’ birthday, but how could the majority of them leave their brothers and sisters behind to be murdered or to fend for themselves? Also, Jack’s motive being that his mother died... the dying mother trope is so overdone: think of BvS or Civil War. Yawn. Oh and Frederick put his head on the line by not revealing who Jack was - like think about it: he was hounded and deemed a failure by everyone. It’s a huge and unrealistic ask of Evie, in reality he would’ve exposed Jack but hey, we love Freddy. Freddy is the best associate confirmed. 
Oh and there’s some people in this fandom who believe Jacob lived in Whitechapel?? (Again he’s probably rich, so, LOL!) He obviously wants to be right in the middle of it: to try catch Jack. This is clearly temporary lodgings, and also a means to stay away form his family to keep them safe if Jacob hadn’t already sent them away by that point. I’ve even seen some talk about the photos on the wall there, like the one of a bride, those photos are copy and pasted all over this game, they mean nothing. Evie literally has them in her train cart in the main game.
Right now that’s all I can think about: I’m sure I left other points out. But please feel free to send me an ask if you want to keep talking, I love talking anything and everything about Syndicate. 
If you’ve read this far, thank you :) and sorry if there’s typos
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shrimpmandan · 1 year
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I honestly fucking hate when antis bring up that fiction DOES affect reality as a counterargument to proshippers bc the thing is they’re not even technically wrong. Fiction and reality are inherently intertwined on some level. For example, fiction often depicts the ideals and standards of the time, or the creator’s lived experience. Fiction can impact reality in the form of individual people, both positively and negatively. For example, a propaganda cartoon vs an educational cartoon. The thing is, antis refuse to acknowledge that the “fiction =/= reality” argument (in the context of proshippers using it) is a direct response to the incorrect assertion that fiction will make people act against their morals. This can be about anything from “incest/abuse/age gap relationships in fiction will normalize it irl”, “video games cause shootings”, “porn causes violence”, or any other amount of honestly baseless and reactionary assertions about the world.
I see propaganda brought up a lot, which is especially frustrating, because antis don’t understand how propaganda works. Propaganda is not something that you watch and suddenly, you’re racist. Funnily enough, propaganda on its own isn’t particularly persuasive or logical in how it’s presented-- it’s just manipulative. Propaganda specifically takes advantage of preconceived ideas, fears, and prejudices-- for example, anti-gay propaganda would play into the idea of gay men being predatory, deviant, and mentally disordered, because that was already the general consensus of the time. Propaganda, by nature, plays into existing emotions, or preys on the human fear of the unfamiliar. This is why the best combatant to propaganda is education.
You can apply this same thing to taboo fiction, violent video games, and violent porn. You could make the argument that these things could have negative influences on children, seeing as they’re much more impressionable and may have a harder time distinguishing between fiction and reality, but the bottom line is kids are not the target audience for any of these things. They are not supposed to be viewing NSFW writings, videos, or games. We already have things like ESRB ratings, “are you 18?” verification checks (as paper thin as they may be), and tagging systems in place for the express purpose of deterring kids (or parents of kids) from seeing something that aren’t meant for them. After a certain point, you really just have to place the responsibility on the parent for either not monitoring their children, or being careless about what kind of content they consume. Aka: NOT the fault of the adults who make or enjoy violent or explicit media.
Going back to propaganda for a minute, with taboo fiction in particular (incest, age gap, etc.), it’s already, y’know, taboo. Meaning people are actively discouraged from participating in, or even just talking about it, since things like incest and pedophilia are already largely considered immoral. Most Western citizens would agree that irl abusive relationships, rape, and the like, are all immoral. So why would reading about it suddenly make them go against the entire worldview and moral upbringing they had? That’d be utterly absurd! However, if someone who was already considering or apologetic towards something like pedophilia were to consume media depicting it positively, it might, and I repeat, MIGHT have a chance to influence them into actually committing an offense. And even then, any evidence of that is extremely flimsy.
There’s been a small handful of IRL cases around fiction and reality. One that comes to mind is the murder trial of Scott Dyleski, wherein the prosecutor asserted that the Invader Zim episode Dark Harvest inspired Dyleski to commit murder. However, this statement was hardly backed up with any kind of proof, and in my opinion, is a weak argument on the prosecution’s end. There just isn’t any psychological evidence that makes a strong connection between dark/violent/explicit media and moral degradation, and while there have been studies done surrounding things like “do video games cause violence?” and “is porn making young men misogynistic rapists?”, these studies either came back inconclusive or even outright stating that no, these things do not lead directly to IRL violence. Simply googling “do video games cause violence?” or “does porn cause violence?” will yield countless articles stating that there’s no strong link between the two things. And, at its core, this is what proshippers mean when they say that fiction =/= reality. To say that fiction is responsible for all of society’s ills, instead of the fact that fiction takes inspiration from the tragedies of the real world, is an absurd take.
Overall, I think I’m still happy with the “fiction =/= reality on a 1-to-1 level” wording that’s since replaced “fiction =/= reality”. It’s far less generalized and overall more difficult for antis to counter with actual evidence (which, let’s be honest, they barely use anyways), even though the only reason proshippers were using such a generalized statement to begin with was to counter another generalized statement: that taboo or violent fiction will always, or almost always, lead to irl crimes and normalization.
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Bread's Game Of The Year Honorable Mention #4: Star Wars Jedi: Survivor
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I'm pretty burnt on Star Wars. Since the Disney era began there's been five movies, an ever increasing amount of TV shows, and an endless parade of circular arguments of what Star Wars is supposed to be, and it all drives me near to madness. The video games though? Those have been plugging along at a high quality, and somehow, it feels like it's easy to miss that. I'm generally of the mind that video games, by their very nature and existence, are better than movies and TV. Usually, if some big media property has a game version, that's going to be the one I gravitate towards, because playing video games is more fun for me than passively watching something. Enter: Jedi Survivor, a fairly iterative and not all that revolutionary sequel to 2019's Jedi Fallen Order, but a good one nonetheless. In a year full of bombastic, 10/10 video games, it's so easy to overlook something that's just good, maybe not super remarkable, but good. Jedi Survivor has a fairly similar setup to Fallen Order. Cal Kestis is still on the Empires most wanted list. Still running missions that he thinks will further the cause of bringing down the empire, and still, frankly, being endearing as hell. The story is a bit of a surprise this time, as instead of diving further into the fight against the empire for the bulk of the game, as would be so easy, a lot of it is largely focused on the recently introduced High Republic era of tie in media. As such there's a lot more Jedi mysticism, old feuds and lost temples in this one. Not that there weren't those before, but they really get the limelight here. The gameplay itself is fairly similar, but they make some key changes that I do think results in this one being the better of the two "Jedi" games. There are more combat styles to chose from, resulting in more varied gameplay that can range from fast and furious strikes with dual lightsabers, to a two handed claymore type weapon that favors high risk with slow moving attacks. While it wasn't my favorite, there's even an interesting combat style that straight up favors Cal firing a gun with his left hand while using the lightsaber in his right. Alongside the new combat, the game takes a piece of advice from the last game that I personally had hoped for, and increases the frequency of the boss battles by quite a bit. A big improvement from the first games relative lack of them. even if some of the bosses are obvious repeats of ones that had come before, or souped up normal enemies, it still provides a fun end cap to bigger moments that sometimes that original game failed to provide. All in all, Jedi Survivor is, as I said, a fairly iterative sequel. In a year where the frequency of good games is frankly absurd, that doesn't exactly stand out. Still, it deserves a shout out, It builds on and improves the foundation set up in Jedi Fallen Order, and makes a really solid action adventure game from that. It's one worth playing. Also this game has Turgle in it. I won't spoil who that is, but this game has them in it. 10/10.
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