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#and i know theres nothing ‘wrong’ with me or whatever but i cant help thinking wtf im doing wrong
the plot has been thickening too much lately. yeah it's too thick now. we should add some water maybe. thinnen that thick ass plot.
#one of her friends who she talked to after i asked her to prom#sits next to my two best friends in physics#and today he was like 'haha so yall found out who ruby likes then'#and they got to talking abt it and they told him how were just going as friends and he was apparently shocked bc of how she reacted#after i asked like what she said to him after#he thinks shes into me and i have no idea what to think bc the reasons we arent going as dates have nothing to do with me#but idk if theres a secret third thing 'im also not into u like that'#he seems to be convinced otherwise#im back at square one! i have no idea how she feels! except at least she liked me enough in general to be absolutely thrilled to go to prom#with me. god bless#im still overwraught with joy at that either way mind you. especially with all that our mutual friend says about what she said to him#but you see how the plot is too thick#i feel like its wrong of me to still be worried abt her feelings abt me when she clearly said with valid reasoning that she doesnt wanna#date or be dates to prom and just go as friends#but i cant help wondering bc if she wants to be with me but feels she cant for whatever reason i dont want her to feel that way#but i feel like this sounds like i dont respect her decision! i do!! and it seems ungrateful!!!! god the fact that she knows i love her-#and i told her i really like her but she must be able to tell i love her-#she knows i love her and she still cares about me. enough to be thrilled and happy about going to prom with me! and if its that she just#doesnt have romantic feelings for me thats OKAY i am blessed enough that shes in my life. that she WANTS TO BE IN MY LIFE.#and if its that she does but she doesnt want to act on them for reasons beyond me thats also OKAY i would wait a thousand years for her if#its what would make her comfortable and happy#just knowing she knows i love her and she still likes me is enough no matter what else but#its the not knowing thats killing me#its killing me. but i am so full of joy this whole day i have been full with it#my friends are proud of me i feel brave and fulfilled#i pass faces of people who know us both in the halls and i know they all know i love her#and i havent seen her since i asked nor spoken since she clarified over snapchat#tomorrow i will though. and i have no idea how things will be.#i feel like im going crazy but by god its wonderful
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requiemsystem · 2 months
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ADVICE FOR NEWLY DISCOVERED OR SUSPECTED SYSTEMS
if you suspect you may be a system or have recently discovered that youre a system, things can be confusing and hard. im making this post as someone who has been aware of being a system for about 5 years and has been diagnosed for 2. these are things i wish we knew and did. i hope it will be helpful to some of you and i wish you luck on discovering things about yourself and your system keep in mind everyone is different and systems are no exception, so what i list here might be incredibly beneficial for one person but do nothing for another. find what works for you. i will try to provide a variety of advice in order for you to see what fits you best DO YOUR RESEARCH research the disorder, try to find others experiences and things you think would help you. this is especially helpful if you are suspecting and not yet sure if you have it, researching symptoms and others experiences can be very helpful in determining START SYMPTOM LOGGING this can be as simple as "i blacked out today" or "i dont feel like myself right now", you dont have to be identifying switches or putting names to alters, theres no rush to be able to do that and some systems have no desire to do that symptom logging is useful because it can help you identify potential triggers and patterns in your symptoms. for example, if you can remember what happened before a period of amnesia and remember being exposed to a stressful event or something potentially triggering, this would be worth writing down to see if its a recurring pattern REACH OUT TO OTHER ALTERS this can be done in a variety of ways, but the easiest way would be to leave a note in a place itll be seen. for example, a sticky note on a mirror (if you live with other people and cant do this, try leaving a note on your phone in a frequently checked app) i would advise saying something along the lines of "hello, i am (name) and i would like to communicate with you. i suspect we have a disorder called (DID/OSDD) and we share the same body and mind. please write back to me in (location, can be a notebook or app etc) and tell me some about yourself if you feel comfortable" but you can say whatever works for you. i just think the main points to cover are having DID/OSDD and introducing yourself as well as asking for an introduction in return START WORKING ON COMMUNICATION this takes a lot of practice, so i always say its better to build up early rather than late. we have a whole post on it that can be found here REMINDERS AND THINGS TO REMEMBER if you do not remember your trauma, do not dig for it. it isnt safe to try to remember trauma without professionals help. if you happen to remember, thats one thing, but dont intentionally seek out triggers to try to remember denial is common and not a sign of faking, if you were faking you would know and would not be in denial. being wrong about having DID/OSDD (if you are suspecting but not sure) is not the same as faking no two systems are the same. you dont have to look exactly like some other system you know or online to be real its normal to not know everything right away. you wont know all your alters immediately, you may not be able to access (and you may not have) your innerworld, you probably wont remember all of your trauma without professionals help, etc. its all normal its totally ok to keep information about your system private. there is no need to share with anyone you do not feel completely safe and comfortable with switching at any frequency is normal, there is no "correct" amount to switch. any amount of alters is normal, there is no "correct" amount of alters. any level of amnesia is normal, there is no "correct" level of amnesia apps like simply plural and bots like pluralkit can be incredibly helpful for some systems, but there is absolutely no pressure to use them if you do not feel comfortable - grey
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itgomyway · 7 months
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(you)r sp and you ♡
i have already made a post about how you should love yourself and your sp will love you almost as much (bc they actually are you!) but lets go into more detail
a lot of you guys, including me, wanted to get into a relationship. and with that, youve discovered the law of assumption. the basics start off with whatever you assume will be. but after months of arguing, harassment, and bullying on twitter, you’re probably confused and too scared to ask.
FUCK THAT. let me be the one to tell you that none of it matters. you very much can and WILL manifest your sp. others false opinions (false because theyre not real) mean nothing. this isnt a loass post though im talking about non dualism (which is not the same).
“but wait… i want my sp and non dualism isnt about getting so why would i-“ because your sp shouldnt be someone that brings you happiness. they should be someone who adds to your quality of life. why does that sound like loass vs non dualism? because it is.
people use the law of assumption to manifest desires for their physical world. theres nothing wrong with that! that is how i manifested my current relationship. however, when we speak about non dualism, it goes beyond trying to get anything. youre just being. and “getting” into a relationship can very much help or make your false sense of self feel better. you as consciousness know relationships themselves dont exist because it is you but your ego, the false sense of self doesnt know that. it wants to experience love as part of the human condition. but youre still not getting anything. lemme explain.
you were trying to “get” something that was never outside of you TO make you happy. that doesnt make sense when not only are they you, but they are apart of you. everything your awareness is on “reflects” how you feel about yourself because all there is is you.
lets go back to non dualism’s basics. everything is consciousness = you creation is brought on by your awareness = you. “but back when x happened-“ the past and the future do not exist. the only thing that exist is now. you cant “apply” this way of thinking to something that doesnt exist. that makes no sense. youre just going to confuse yourself. i am telling you RIGHT NOW the only truly real thing is YOU. that is all there is and will ever be. you can control your awareness through observations meaning youre in total control. read that again.
so when it comes to your sp, romantic or not, they are never not yours. they were never not you or not a part of you. every thought, feeling, affirmation, or word you wrote down, they have received. because its you. think about it. are you ever aware of anything youre unaware of? (no). because things only exist the moment youre aware of them!
and remember, if something can come to our awareness like a relationship and leave our awareness it is not real. but you, as consciousness are infinite and are always here and always consciousness. so you are real!
after discovering non dualism i have thought about the feelings my boyfriend has presented to me and how they currently match the feelings i have for myself. i have always loved myself and will always love myself. if i didnt, how could i expect my creation, which is a projection of my own self image, to have different feelings than me? your sp isnt a separate person. Your relationships will always show how you feel about yourself, romantic or platonic. they’re not real because they come and go through your awareness but your ego as the false self believes they are. and thats okay. thats its job. let it be and observe them as consciousness.
nothing can happen outside of your awareness because the moment you are aware/conscious of something, it exist instantly. so if your sp is treating you the way you dont want to be treated then reflect on your own feelings about yourself. this DOES NOT necessarily mean work on your self concept. ask yourself if “you” think youre worthy of what it is your ego desires. a lot of my blockage came from that. i had to fall in love with myself so my ego could comprehend how i could be loved. because its still me.
lets talk about “free will”.
“free will” doesn’t exist. lemme tell you why. the idea of free will is a person outside of you having a say in their own life. the basic principle of non dualism means theres only one being, consciousness (you). so tell me how can “another person” “outside” of you have a say in their “own lives” when none of that exist in the first place?
your sp having or not having free will shouldn’t effect how you feel about them unless you see them as a separate entity outside of you. they’re not an “object” you control theyre your creation and another form of consciousness so of course you have control over your creations you have control over EVERYTHING.
your sp feels the same way you feel about yourself. always. if you dont feel good about yourself then i do suggest working on your self concept. not to “get” anything but for YOURSELF! why not love yourself? why cart that responsibility off to your creation?
at the end of the day, itll just be you surrounded by your creations. you can pick and choose what they are specifically BUT THE ONLY REAL THING IS YOU
© itgomyway
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kekisu · 2 months
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a very popular headcanon people have (i Think its popular. at least a lot of my twitter mutuals agreed with me a while back) is that joker comes from inaba, and if youve played p4 you know that theres literally nothing to do there
so a big headcanon that i used to be obsessed with is that he would spend a lot of his days skateboarding or biking around listening to music and exploring old dirt roads.. and he ended up getting a special interest in bugs and reptiles because hed come across so many during his little solo adventures. hes also very well versed in fishing its not a fixation or anything but just something hes pretty good at
this is why i tend to draw joker like some sort of skater boy. i think hes always stood out a lot in this small town even before the false assault charge, like he wasnt disliked or bullied but he just didnt really fit in. and this didnt bother him. i think he only realized how boring his life was when he became a phantom thief and got all these new friends in this new big city that understood him despite the circumstances that led him here. like man i really used to live like that and see nothing wrong with it? i didnt yearn for more?
it makes it even more painful when he has to leave and they naturally drift apart. because they all have dreams and ambitions, and the best years of their lives are waiting for them around the corner. but joker is back in this small town where theres nothing to do but hang out in some food court or poke around in the woods. i imagine this newfound loneliness is really hard on him, not to mention the guilt for feeling like hes somehow to blame for. well, whatever happened with goro
to me personally i think goro lived. i think he mustered up the perseverance to bite and claw his way out of shidos palace after seeing that even someone like him has a chance at being loved, he just didnt really remember this in marukis reality because it was all a blur. so both goro and joker were completely clueless as to what his fate would be if they went back to their true reality, which is what was so scary. the uncertainty. he could very well be dead but how could they know for sure? i just dont like the thought of him dying before he could truly live, even though i understand the tragedy of it can be poetic, i just cant stand for him going out like that because i relate a lot to his struggles. and i think it would go against the overall positive message of p5r. sure not everybody gets to have a second chance or a happy ending, but. man. anyways
joker fully believes goro is dead though. he wouldnt be crazy to assume this considering how they parted ways in shidos palace. but it eats away at him and maybe he really does go crazy. maybe his life feels like its stuck in time and while his old friends are out chasing their dreams, hes stuck. broken and shattered over feeling like he couldve done something to save him, knowing jokers savior/martyr complex
im running out of steam and i didnt mean to ramble on about my post-p5r headcanons but, to wrap it up: goro is in rehab somewhere and has a service dog to help with his dissociation and mood swings. and a couple other stuff. he feels like if he walks back into jokers life itll mess something up like joker will just break down or something. so he keeps his distance until they cross paths again. im just very obsessed with the idea of goro getting his life together vs joker wanting so badly to chase that high of phantom thievery again but failing and being actually so depressed
man morgana must be exhausted
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haemosexuality · 10 months
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im rewatching she-ra and naturally im gonna want to write about it a lot. starting by breaking down the catradora conflict origin story scene from s01e02 the sword part 2
people have said this before but the most important thing to keep in mind here is how different their understanding of whats going on is. theyre both approaching this with completely different views and so they misunderstand what the other means.
Adora: There's no time. We have to put a stop this.
Catra: What? Why?
Adora: Because this is a civilian town. Look around! These aren't insurgents. They're innocent people.
Catra: Yeah, sure. Innocent people who kidnapped a Horde officer. Now come on, let's get you back to the Fright Zone. Shadow Weaver is freaking out. [laughing] It'd be funny if she weren't such a terrible person.
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so immediately theres two things i wanna say about this part, about how catra reacts to stuff. first off, something we learn about catra throughout the whole show and especially in the portal-alternative-reality, is that shes big on Pretending Nothing Is Wrong. whenever shes feeling upset or angry about something, she will start joking around and acting like shes just totally super chill guys, dw ("Ugh, whatever. It's not like I even care. I just wanna get out of this dump at some point before I dieee of boredom). Shes acting like that in this scene. Adora was missing for hours, shadow weaver was breathing down her neck and threatening her, she was already worried adora might have left at this point. she cant let adora know how worried she was tho, so shes all jokes and fast paced conversation. To Adora, tho, it just looks like catra doesnt care, like she doesnt understand the gravity of the situation.
and the other thing is that honestly? I dont think catra does care. about the town, i mean. i think catra was ready for war in a way adora never was. theyre both seeing combat for the first time here, and adora hates it. training for war is completely different than being in the battlefield, and adora couldnt handle it. face to face with it she couldnt tolerate seeing people suffering and dying, houses being burned down, a whole village destroyed. when the horde brainwashed adora into thinking they were only doing the necessary to save etheria, she completely and fully believed it, and when faced with the reality of the horde she immediately realized how wrong that was. Catra, tho, could not care less. she never believed in what the horde said, she knew full well what the horde did, so this isnt a surprise for her. and i do think shes naturally a bit sadistic, or at least growing up among the violence of the horde made her so. either way, shes seeing battle here for the first time and shes completely fine with it. doesnt even spare it all a second glance. why would she care about these people she never met if the most important thing in the world is right here in front of her? (i think even if adora hadnt left that night and went into the battlefield as a force captain, she wouldve ended up deserting. she cant stand seeing people suffer and she cant stand not saving them. shes too good, too selfless for that. catra isnt.) (also she is so ready to kill at all times. she loves violence. i once saw someone say how shadow weaver thought adora was the "cutthroat, ruthless warrior" when that was actually catra and they were totally right)
adora is also trying something futile here, she doesnt need to explain to catra that the horde is bad and hurts innocent ppl because catra has known that all her life
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Adora: Catra, no. I can't go back. Not until the Horde leaves this town alone. You have to help me.
Catra: What are you saying?
Adora: I’m saying, this is wrong. They've been lying to us, manipulating us. Hordak, Shadow Weaver, all of them.
Catra: Duh! Did ya just figure that out? Manipulation is Shadow Weaver's whole thing. She's been messing with our heads since we were kids.
(the captions in the pics are slightly wrong, nvm that.) everything i said before. adora just realized all of this, while catra has always known, probably because the abuse adora suffered was more manipulation-and-brainwashing, while shadow weaver always made clear to catra that she didnt give a shit about her, so she suffered physical abuse with little attempt to convince her this was fine.
the "what are you saying?" is one of the things that show how different their perspective is. adora is talking about going against the horde and helping the town, while catra immediately gets more personal. what do you mean? are you saying that you might leave the horde? leave me?
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Adora: How could you possibly be okay with that?
adora means, how could you be ok with the horde lying about its actions, and killing innocent people? how could you be ok with the horde raising us to do the same? and catra hears, how could you be ok with shadow weaver and hordak abusing us?
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Catra: Because, it doesn't matter what they do. The two of us look out for each other. And soon we'll be calling the shots. Now come on, can we go home already?
catra replies: because, i love you. because you have my back and i have yours. because nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other, remember? and soon enough, we'll be powerful enough that they cant hurt us anymore. Adora hears, because i dont care about these people dying, the only thing thats important is you and i. and anyways, soon its gonna be Us killing them, isnt that good? lets go back home to the evil murder place.
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Adora: I'm not going home, Catra. I can't. Not after everything I've seen. Come with me. You don't have to go back there. We can fix this.
adora says: im starting to realize now how wrong i was about everything. we're not the good guys, and i cant stand for that. i cant stand around and watch people get hurt. i cant stand around and watch you get hurt. lets leave, together, and have a better life, please. lets do the right thing.
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Catra: Are you kidding? You've known these people for, what, a couple of hours? And now you're just gonna throw everything away for them?
catra hears, shes willing to leave me. after everything i did for her, all that i took, all of these years of us being together, she would still leave me. she would break our promise. she would leave me behind.
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and then she straight up electrocutes adora. ok
she says it was a reflex, but i dont know if i believe her. i dont think she likes hurting adora (not physically. not by this point, anyways), but i do think that shes the type to lash out when upset and immediately regret it, then feel guily about it. which just makes her more upset. :(
Catra: Oh, man. That was a lot stronger than I thought. Are you okay?
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Adora: Why are you doing this?
Catra: Because you left me! And if I don't bring you back, Shadow Weaver’s gonna have my head. So, enough with your weird little identity crisis and let's go home already. Or do I need to zap you again?
thats the last time they talk. adora gets teleported away by glimmer, and when they see each other again, its clear that they both made their choice.
the moment adora showed catra she was willing to leave her, there was no coming back for them. because catra would never get over that. she'd spend all her life in that hellscape, putting up with abuse and bullying and probably so much more we dont get to see, because of the promise adora made her. and, in her eyes, adora was ready to leave her on the first opportunity that came up. that hurt. that broke her. and that released something really ugly inside of her.
cue in 2,5 years of homoerotic rivalry and trauma. ok post over if you read this i hope you liked it <3 bye
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miiilowo · 9 months
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i feel like theres not a lot of great resources out there so i figured id just ask -- how would you recommend ways of living with/helping out someone else with npd? :)
youre right! most of the time when u look up NPD stuff its "THE ABUSER DISORDER: KNOW HOW TO RECOGNIZE IT AND DISABLE NARC DEFENSES SO THEY CANT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU" which isnt. Great
all it really comes down to is listening to them n addressing their needs if they've communicated them to you. ill try to simplify it so i dont get too into details, though i will likely fail, and most of this advice will be based off my experiences, so idk how much itll apply to whoever ur talking about BUT:
generally (and w me especially) you can safely say that NPD mostly has to do with ego dysregulation. Our [as in myself and people w npd] mental health and general happiness tends to rely on how people perceive us, and if that perception is anything but positive, we feel like poopy doo doo dogshit. we kinda need to be paid attention to in a way that feels meaningful, yknow? compliment them, make sure theyre included in conversations (esp group ones), and try not to ignore em in any way. if youre talking to them and youre busy, for example, make sure you include that detail so they don't feel like youre brushing them aside. stuff like that. if they make art, and you genuinely like it, try going into detail as to why, whether its the colors or linework or what have you. if they write, tell them what you liked about the story or poem, etcetera. Tag them in stuff that reminds you of them if you have their socials, or send them things, show it to them, whatever.
lots of us tend to actually be very insecure, even if it doesn't seem that way, which might be important to keep in mind. sometimes we can get whats referred to as "narc crashes" (im not particularly a fan of the term narc, though theres nothing actually wrong with it, so ill just call it an NPD crash) where for whatever reason, we go from feeling great and secure in our egos and our stability and happiness and security to falling 600 feet down directly into hell no recovery absolutely awful 0% joy 0% light 100% agony. dogs with human teeth screaming at you and shit its really just no good. calling you a dunderhead
they usually (though not always!) come after a high where we feel fantastic, and most commonly the cause of a crash is we get hurt by someone, humiliated, or made to feel lesser in some significant way. for me, they're the worst when i no longer feel confident that people like me, and i become incredibly worried everybody secretly hates me. which is a very very very awful train of thought to be experiencing when you have the "EVERYBODY NEEDS TO LIKE ME NOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" disorder. so if ur friend seems depressed or upset make sure to ask whats going on and bump up the praise and stuff up a notch. its the best way to recover for Me, at least. crashes dont have a consistent like. timeframe? i think it highly depends on the severity of what happened and whats being done to fix it, though im certainly no psychologist lmao
i feel like when folks w npd Are mean or unfair its because their needs arent being met, theyre doing awful, and they need support so they dont desperately lash out for it. god knows thats the case for me. thats another thing thats important to keep in mind i think
a lot of traits of NPD aren't pretty, and thats just a fact of the matter. its a disorder for a reason and all. even if we dont express the almost inherently negative traits all the time (usually because we are aware they are unfair to other people), its very likely that we are feeling them, and it does erode your brain after a while. The DSM-5 list of traits is probably the best way to go for this, as per this government website:
"A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and with lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood, as indicated by at least five of the following:
Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements, expects to be recognized as superior without actually completing the achievements)
Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, brilliance, beauty, or perfect love.
Believes that they are "special" and can only be understood by or should only associate with other special people (or institutions).[milo note: its hard for me to find something specific to make bold in this definition, but generally, i do not express that i think that i am better than other people even if i think it]
Requires excessive admiration.
Has a sense of entitlement, such as an unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment or compliance with his or her expectations.
Is exploitative and takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends.
Lacks empathy and is unwilling to identify with the needs of others.
Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them.
Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors and attitudes."
Ive bolded the ones that would negatively affect people that, I, at least, try not to express but still feel, or feel the desire to do, near constantly.
As you can see, thats a pretty hefty chunk of them! I'm sure some people could take problem with every trait listed here, in which case they can suck my whole dick, but those are the ones I've noticed upset people the most, or make relationships the most difficult. I bring these up because if someone does express these, you need to keep in mind it is because of a personality disorder. That doesn't always make them acceptable, and if they are really upsetting, you should talk to them about it, but thats just like. basic relationship shit lmao. just try to be an eensy bit forgiving
Though the MAIN reason I wanted to bring up the traits is due to the 'entitlement/unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment/compliance' one. This can manifest in a whole lot of ways, but it is genuinely infuriating when someone ignores what i want them to do/what ive asked them to do/etc, especially if its for a reason that doesnt 'feel' solid enough, like them just not wanting to do it. it can be incredibly frustrating if someone with npd says they need something from you or want you to do xyz and it doesnt happen, so try your best to listen to them. if you cant do what they desire for whatever reason, make sure thats clear, and why. Most of us will recognize we're being unfair, but will still be mad; Just know its not because of you, its because of the disorder, and most people will not hold it against you because they're aware its unreasonable in some fashion.
i think thats like. the main things when it comes to meeting the needs of someone w NPD. to summarize and dumb it down:
make sure to compliment them in meaningful ways, especially when you really mean it
pay attention to them; try to prioritize them in conversation and such. it feels very nice. dont ignore them for the love of god
keep the crashes in mind, and try to uplift your friend as much as you can. reassure them you care about them, maybe not directly by saying "i care about you" but with your actions in general
listen to them and adapt to their needs as best as you can
remember that if they are being unpleasant its probably because of The Disorder and they are not doing well. dont let anyone be a prick to you but try to be kind. everybody goes through shit
if anyone has anything to add, or if you have any followup questions, feel free to ask ^_^ i very much didn't cover everything here, and again, this is mostly based off of my experience as someone w NPD, and everyone is different to some degree. The most important thing to do is ask about their needs, and try to adapt to them the best you can.
i think thats all i have to say for now tho so. sayanora. if i come up w anything else ill add it in an edit
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cosmicdream222 · 7 days
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sorry to be morbid again but do you think we can manifest passing away early? im honestly past the point of wanting to exist and just want to get over this thing that im supposed to be a successful person but im not so idrc if i do or dont live
so many ppl on tarot related blogs ask about their fs but if we dont meet them does it matter and would they just move on with their life? like i think u have to have ur life put together but its genuinely so hard to do these days so i hope my fs wont be sad at all when i die cause i wouldnt be able to make tnem truly happy anyway cause im not happy myself with how things have been
ideally i wouldve done something in a sport or music but that ship sailed long ago and now im so stuck but id hate to be reliant on someone else and i shouldve moved out into my own place but housing is ridiculously expensive where im from and taxes dont help anyone. it takes years and years to pick up a talent so i have wasted those years and ik im just going to struggle to get past 50 if i were to have my own place bc minimum wage jobs suck arse and i dont want to be doinng something lame not that its lame for others to do it, its just not what i wanted to have done at all
you cant even get a degree without needing to fork out hundreds and thousands so yeah none of its easy and sure you can try subliminals but lets face it the systemn we are in is fucked up big time so rn i cant even bother with daydream about how it could have been or the what ifs i had done smth differently or if i had any talent but then theres still the, im too old and too foreign to do any sort of music as most successful groups nowadays are korean and even if i tried to do what they did it would probs end up killing me some way or other
its just either about having to be wealthy or having some type of talent both of which id fail at anyway as i shouldve done it years ago like a normal person who goes from being so so at something to being great at something.
i truly think i was born in wrong generation or i just shouldnt have been born at all then i wouldnt have to fret constantly abt these types of things. i think if the government genuinely sorted shit out for once and helped society ppl would be happier to work for less but im not happy at all with the current state of things. i feel guilty for existing and i hate it sm like god just let me end my life pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee there is nothing worthwhile in store, ik we could try shifting subliminals but have those genuinely worked? like u exit this reality and straight into the one you wanted originally? but then i might as well just pass away cause id have to know what i want in another reality
My dude, take a deep breath. You’ve ranted about all this same exact stuff a bunch of times now and I’m just gonna repeat the same thing I said to you last time:
All of that stuff you mentioned about your current reality is an illusion. Time is an illusion. It does not matter what you’ve done in the past. The economy does not matter. Your present circumstances do not matter.
I’ll add to that: Whatever some tarot reader or TikTok psychic says definitely does not matter. Idk what fs means but I’m guessing something like a twin flame and that is especially 1000% bullshit.
The spiritual community has created an incredible amount of false narratives to make excuses and blame outside forces for why things aren’t going their way. None of it is real. Seriously forget everything you learned about fate, karma, astrology, or anything else that’s saying something else is in control. Reality is an illusion. YOU are in control.
You don’t have to identify with any old bullshit anymore. Stop repeating the old story and think about what you do want. You can have literally ANYTHING! You say you don’t know what you want, ok, but you know what you don’t want, right?
I don’t want to work -> I want to live in a reality where I don’t have to work.
There, you just figured out something you want! It’s that simple.
I totally agree that this society is a horrific shitshow and I don’t want to be aware of it anymore either. But it’s just one version of reality available. It’s not the only reality and it’s not the original reality. You don’t have to be aware of it anymore if you don’t want to be.
You also don’t have to involve death at all. There’s a lot of misconception in the shifting world which has lead to concepts like “permashifting” and “respawning”, but those just all assume this current reality is the original one. It’s not.
Have you watched The Matrix? It’s really more like a documentary than science fiction lol. Just like in the movie, we are being tricked by a simulated virtual reality, controlled by a society that’s using us for our energy. Just think of reality as an escape room. We’re escaping the Matrix. Once you figure out how to leave, you don’t ever have to go back. There are infinite realities available to you, and none are more real or right or original than any others. Remember, death is not an ultimate, nor does it exist in all realities.
I am scripting a utopian reality with my best friend where there is no death, aging, or illness. Everyone is a master manifestor so they always get whatever they want. Nobody has to work and there isn’t even a need for money because we can manifest anything instantly. We can just relax and get massages all day. Everyone lives in peace and harmony and abundance. Animals are treated as equals to humans, we can all communicate with each other, and we can all fly and teleport. Because why the f not? 🤷🏻‍♀️😂
And if you really don’t want to exist (I’m guessing that other ask from a couple weeks ago is you too lol) you don’t have to exist in this reality, or any other. Removing your awareness from all physical reality is known as entering the void. You exist there as pure consciousness, and you can stay there as long as you like. It is you as your highest self. There’s nothing negative about it.
As for the whole subliminal thing, shifting subliminals are just one method. Shifting = manifesting = deciding what you want and experiencing it. It’s something we are always doing and is available to all of us. You don’t need any methods to shift besides intention. We just use methods to convince/calm the annoying human brain that is programmed with society’s limits.
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fruit-salad-ship · 5 months
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for those who do not wish to dive into the fallout AU for the best bit.
i think this is it, at least for me. less of a huge read, but the one section if you HAD to know, is worth it.
Plum’s notions about this woman she’s sat beside are proven correct when she’s confronted with a truth, probably the first honest truth Peach has said to her.
“Everyones done things they’re not proud of, Grey, myself, even you.” The big woman points the finger right back at Plum, not skipping a beat, not angry, just factual, she saw through her from the start, it wasn’t hard, continuing. “Are you so innocent? To have three factions come together to hunt you down? What must you have done to cause enemies to put aside such massive differences to end just one life?” Plum cannot answer that, cant find the words in time to defend herself. “The truth is everyone on this farm is a monster in one way or another, only difference is we’re trying to make up for it.” Peach turns a bit where she sits, leans in, earnestly, looking at her guest with a stern thinning gaze, trying to find a point within her that she saw in grey, that she sees sometimes in others on the road. A point of redemption. The offer is worth extending to Plum, despite her attempts to meddle since arriving, to put cracks in what is trying to be built here, Peach looks at her and holds out a metaphorical helping hand, an olive branch so to speak. “Stay, make up for what you did, whatever it is, we don’t need to know, but you can fix this. Make things better than when you found them.” A moral both her and Grey carry, and one she thinks might just resonate with this woman, even if only a little. Plum is still unable to answer, for once, her witty remarks and devious words fail her, watching as peach goes, gets her confiscated rifle from her room before placing it down on the table, putting a packed bag by the door that she’d already stocked, food, water, enough things to get her guest off to a good start if she leaves. Even extra ammo for her gun.
“The choice is yours.” And Peach leaves for bed.
Plum sits up all night, pondering in firelight, looking around at the life these two have started to build, a life she wanted once, when she was young and naive, but grew to believe it was impossible, and now, it was a life offered to her too. Here’s her chance, is she good enough to take it? To brave trying to change, to be more than she always has been? Its scary to consider, theres so much she could do wrong, these two are not like the rest, they can’t be bought, they don’t falter when given a choice that shakes their morals, whatever they were, wherever life took them, they’re trying to turn it around right here, right now. What if trouble finds Plum, what if these seemingly good people get caught in the crossfire? Was it worth the risk? So many questions, things Plum wished she had definitive answers for, but life not so easy, nothing is clear cut.
Peach wakes to find the bag she’d packed gone, the rifle not where she’d placed it the night before. ‘To each their own’, she thinks, ‘can’t do more than put the offer on the table’. A twinge of sadness settles under her skin, that she couldn’t pull another out of a bad life. Her day begins like many others, kettle whistling on the stove, coffee in hand as she steps out onto the deck, stares across the farm as her vision adjusts to the light out here, looks across her plants, but her steps are paused, her raised cup hovering at her lips, assessing what she’s looking at, not even taking her first sip yet. A stooped figure is crouched trying to pull a root from the dirt of an unused field. Plum didn’t leave, stands up straight with a stretch in her spine, noticing Peach, she’s far away but you cant miss that smile, not even with Peach’s bad vision. She’s got her rifle with her propped against a stump to one side, grabbed as she approaches, wiping her brow with a coy grin. Peach says nothing, just makes her a hot drink, both taking a seat on the deck in the early dawn.“I put the bag away. Don’t think I’ll need it just yet.” About all Plum could say, both women smiling into their drinks.
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gayspock · 2 months
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ok 1 menty b for me
i dont know. i think its just always been so alienating. i think theres something wrong with me and its unfixable. and sometimes, if i cant have anything else, i just want at least the fucking chance to express that without people thinking even less of me. and ik in reality nobody even gaf or sees me. but i also know know that if they did, 9times out fo 10 people would be rolling their eyes. whatever. idk. i feel so lonely and i dont think im ever not going to be lonely and its never going to get better because even when given the resources, the opportunities i just can never manage . i just cant . i swear i try . but every single time. my whole fucking life . i just walk away from everything with even less, it feels like. and its getting so much harderand harder. and i dont know how to express it liek ... i fucking feel myself SEETHE as ppl keep insisting "theres still a chance! there's still hope!" like sure bro. but i dont want to fucking keep living my life along the fucking asymptote of getting consistently closer to dying alone but "haha technically its not a certainty" and . like theres just something so fucking repulsive about me and i just cant seem to fix it no matter what. and im so exhausted all the time. and i genuinely dont think theres any way out of that . i go to work and i come home so burnt out and tired. and people are nice there but i dont think i can really connect with anyone . i just cant seem to get close to people . and i dont have it within me to meet anyone else because im so fucking tired all of the time .
and even if i did and i mustered all the energy and spent all the little time i had left in the world i dont think theyd have time for me. not just bc nobody in their 20s does but also because i dont know . it just never seems to work . and i cant do it again where i try to invest every little piece of me into it when its jsut always left me fucking miserable and pathetic. bro do you know what i mean. not to be 16 and lame as shit still. i feel like im always the idiot ppl take pity on at best . i dont think ive ever been real to anybody. like alwaysssssss...... and even now i feel like every time I HAVE existed within circles of others. its literally 10 times out of 10 just constantly fighting to be included and seen as someone whos not a fucking joke and i just feel like such a fucking . loser for caring so much about it when. REALISTICALLY. pretty much all the people ive met in life will have forgotten i exist. and ok. ok. i just dont think ... like its not like some trait within me right like ... im not As melodramatic to be like oh . oh theres an actual innate trait within me thats activated and stops people liking me. just. the contrary like. i just think theres nothing within me to actually like . or to gravitate towards. so likeyeah sure . that makes sense. why WOULD you want to bother with someone whos just kinda hollow or whatever.. something something or other. and i kind of wish i was more resilient about tht. but i jsut . i guess as is a Guy of that Nature, its just ... im trying to fucking not fucking spiral but i just feel myself fucking filling up with fucking . miserable SHITTY bile or whatever because i just wish i felt normal or whatever. its such a fucking human fucking thing that other people can MANAGE. but i cant . its so so fucking hard and i cant do it and i cant handle it. and i just feel so angry sometimes anyways . bc i hate it . and i keep trying bc i wanna make peace with it because i know theres no out . like ive long since given up on ever thinking its going to work out . because nothing fucking helps but makes it so much worse . anyways. i dont know. but i dont know bro. it drives me fucking insane when people always spout some bs about how "haha everyone has someone! everyone will find someone! like no they dont no they wont . its so .. so much more isolating. or like "EVERYONEEE feels lonely sometimes" like HOW does that help. HOW. and it makes it so MUCH FUCKING WORSEEEE when people tell you about how lonely they are too!!! like cool . i dont have a chance then. sorry i know thats such a bitter bitch thing to say. but idk if it rlly matters like ... at the end of the day idc when ppl have partners. or people they talk to. family who loves them. and youre still lonely. cool. thank you for letting me know, dude. go back to the people who will look out for you and love you whilst i sit in the dark and not speak to anyone for weeks whilst not a single person would even notice im gone .
or like. bro. i dont think a single person has taken me seriously for long enough to ever fucking like me or hold me in enough regard to like... want to talk to me again nevermind like be with me in a certain sense so i jsut. i dont know. sits alone. every fucking day for years maybe. i dont know. i feel so fucking sad and angry knowing deep down that i can know all this and know its true but even then . i cant even have that . people wont even take THAT part of me seriouslyand think im just some fucking idiot whos not even trying. when i really reallyhave but its just so... worthless it feels like . it feels like im never getting anywhere and everyone thinks i just gave up when i didnt. and i dont know. thar makes it sound like people actually see me and really are laughing or something when i dont think its nearly that much. i think its like oh people see me make that as a snap judgement and i fall out of existence again. and i dont know. it shouldnt matter but i feel so fucking strung out and exist between these instances only and idk. idk bro. im trying to be okay with it. but as im getting older i just feel like theres so many more things that are revealing themselves as worse and worse. and im going crazy. im going crazzzzzzyyyy . whatever . insert the mental breakdown gifs . the funny ones where those guys aremoving really fast
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rotisseries · 7 months
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cough. idk if i explained how theo was brought back but basically . it was liam had the idea to bring theo back. hayden, his GIRLLLFRRIIIENND. was not on board. she used to be in his pack. anyway liam who literally almost killed scott ......... was like "we need something capable of absorbing a lightning bolt. or someone." and liam knew theo killed josh for his power. so he knows he could take a bolt of electricity. in theory he's risking a lot. (he needs someone to absorb lightning bc the ghost riders aka villain of the season travel on lightning and he wants to be able to capture one and then go from there.) he went to kira's mom and asked to bring him back. he was confused when kira's mom gave him the sword and said "youll have to do it yourself" bc he figured that she was gonna do it. and then she tells him "whatever happens...is your responsibility." hayden said she supported him in whatever but right before he put the sword in the ground where they left theo all those months ago, she said "WAIT" and he did it anyway and theo came from hell dirty and scared like a wild animal he IMMMEEEEDIATELY pins liam to a wall with his forearm on liam's throat. . listen. when i tell you he's looking around frantically and afraid its like they cant even talk to him. hayden is like "theo we're not trying to hurt you!" ans hes like . off somewhere. and he says "where's my sister?" <- in some weird growl because he is PETRIFIED RN. and they mistake theo's question for memory loss. liam says "your sister's dead. she died a long time ago." ans HAYDEN SAYS "you killed her ...remember?" hayden..... shut the fuck up. YOU DONT KNOW THAT.??? anyway and then theo says hes gonna kill liam and etc etc then liam holds out the sword as a obvious threat and theo backs off. says that they need his power to help them. AND THE DEAL ALWAYS WAS. THAT THEY USE THEO AND SEND HIM BACK. THAT THEO HELPS HIM AND HE GOES BACK. THATS HOW MUCH THEY HATE HIM. EVERY WRONG OR WEIRD THING HE DOES OR SAYS ANS SLMEONE SAYS "send him back" LIKE FUCKING CHILL GIVE HIM A MOMENT. anyway that was always the deal. but liam said "help us and you can kill whoever you want after. but if you kill US. then you're gonna be worse off than ever." <-ish. and theo says. "theres nothing worse than what ive been through." they do not respond or acknowledge that. do mind tho, liam treats theo with the most respect, more than anyone else does even tho he has good enough reasons to despise him. unlike hayden he recognized how scared he was. and didnt yell at him or accuse him of killing his sister. just said she died. anyway. so theres this contracption that they have able to hold all the jules or voltz of electricity in a lightning rod. they brought theo to it to TEST if he could handle a lightning bolt. liam tells him he can do it. he cant. he doesnt have  josh's power and he doesnt have tracy's power and hes back to classic theo. he thinks hes gonna get sent back by the way liam and hayden are talking so that mf starts going "hold hold hold on i can help" he has information on the ghost riders and he knows shit from the dread doctors and HE REMEMBERS STILES!!!!!! stiles got taken by the ghost riders and if you get taken you get erased from everyone's memory and basically reality. ans since he was in hell he . remembers him. and he also has exclusive information on the person liam ans hayden brought down with them to test the lightning. hes a science teacher at the high school. but in actuality, theo knows who he really is. i aint got time for all that rn. anyway liam lets him stay on account of knowing who stiles is and the fact he probably does know things.
imagine coming out of literal hell and some bitch is like "you killed your sister" babe one of us is going back down there and it won't be me
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selfundiagnosed · 4 months
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Its not funny or quirky youre taking ALL of the weight on your shoulders and offloading the entirety of it onto the shoulders of whoever is closest to you. whether they want to deal with it or not. When you do that you make other peoples lives harder. You can convince yourself its an unmovable part of who you are but thats just not true and you know deep down youre just flinching. you cant sit here and tell me youre stagnant and it cannot be changed. I 1000% believe you believe that and cant see a future that isnt what youve only known your entire life but i promise i swear on my life to you kill me if i am wrong it seems like hard work because youve psyched yourself into believing it is. It isnt. Its so easy. Its as easy as trying to get the end result, and the middle steps dont matter. No one is looking over your shoulder to make sure you do it the right way. No one. Not a single person. Take the easy way out if you must as long as no one else will have to deal with it its fiiine whatever you do to get from a-z is fucking fine, even if its out of order or a weird pattern that only makes sense to you. Nothing is going to happen to you. The most that will happen is someone will say next time do it like this instead. And you dont have to take that criticism personally bc u literally didnt know it before…. Youre not a mind reader and youre going to make mistakes. Thats a them mistake, not a you mistake. If theres a detrimental middle step that has to be done in a specific way when someone asks you to do something but they never mention that integral part and get mad at you guess what thats not your fault thats their fault for not telling you. like making mistakes is not a big deal. Idk if its the all or nothing mentality young people have towards mistakes and wrongdoings but its not… the end of the world to do something wrong. You cant help what other people dont tell you.. if they take it out on you just be straight up and say “sorry you didnt mention it” and if theyre still mad its a them problem not a you problem. Water off a ducks back. Ignore it. Shit its not like they can do anything to you about it…? they cant ground you. they cant put you in jail. They cant legally assault you. They cant do anything like the most that would happen is someone saying you cant do that thing anymore. I hope that helps some of you psyching yourself out into thinking you cant do something unless you have the exact specific steps spelled out to you. I ultimately feel like it comes from a deathly fear of rejection and mistakes.
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hurrakka · 8 months
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oh man. theoretically in a l4d au luis would've helped develop the green flu yeah? sure it's a naturally occurring virus in l4d canon (maybe. we're not really sure where it comes from cus ceda doesnt say shit but ellis mentions the government using bio-bombs in one of his keith stories so it could be a bioweapon?) but this is an au we can do what we want.
anygays im just imagining leon getting infected. we know better-safe-than-sorry-guy (i call him scout cus his va is the same as scout from tf2) is human when we first find him but experiencing extreme paranoia and some compulsions then a few minutes later he fully turns, going from able to speak and function to choking and growling and fully mutated (either into a hunter, boomer, or smoker) so there's always the possibility of a rapid transformation too. im thinking leon falling behind a bit while theyre walking because he's coughing and chokin and shit n he falls to his knees and luis is all like "bro whats wrong!!" and he gets to watch as leon Turns Before His Eyes. even better if he turns into a hunter cus if you look closely at their models they don't have eyes. we can't be exactly sure what Happens to their eyes when they turn but the two most popular headcanons are both equally brutal-- either Luis has to watch Leon's eyes quite literally melt out of his skull or he gets to watch him claw his own eyes out. Fun!
BUT there's graffiti in one of the safe rooms arguing over how long it actually takes to turn-- whether it's 20 minutes, 2 hours, overnight, or some other wacky chunk of time. so there's also the thought of Leon turning slowly. progressively becoming irritable and irrational and confused and him slipping in and out of conciousness for days until Luis goes to check his temp one day and he fucking Lunges.
and if leon turns and luis makes it out alive imagine the Guilt. he feels awful enough in re4 canon when there's a cure,,, but the green flu mutates too often to develop a proper cure for it. if leon gets infected and he isnt immune then he's just. done. theres nothing that can help him at that point. and luis already feels so goddamn guilty about the millions of people he's killed and now leon's gone too and he cant help but visualize every single person who had somebody ripped from them by his hands.
oh man and if luis has to put leon down? its joever. that man would Never recover. i dont even know if he'd keep trying to survive at that point. maybe just for that shred of hope of developing a cure (even though he knows it'd be damn-near impossible but it's the only thing hes got, dammit) and stopping this whole disaster.
coughs. sorry for the rambling i simply have been obsessed with l4d for going on 12 years now so <3
I had to lay down for a moment bc of the feels and potential outcomes in the event luis lives on while leon well...yeah (thinkin abt how buddy from re damnation would jus turn as well since leon is no longer there and that made me big sad dgkrnekhbfgnjklh) Since the re verse has like morbillion viruses, the green flu existing would be plausible so its just another stonks moment for umbrella lol. But yeah luis would absolutely be devastated. He probably doesnt have the guts to pull the trigger, least he can do is to restrain leon for a while and tries to find whatever humanity he has left in his nonexistent eyes. Tho in my witch!leon hc I think luis may have a chance to keep leon around??? Since witches seem to have the most humanity among the infected (and thats not saying much) he could probs observe him a lil bit without getting eaten right away. It would just be a warm bodies scenario ngl (i just watched that movie recently so this is huge copium dksfghbshgndfh) Honestly Im glad l4d fandom still alive after all these years. That game will always be goated and it was one of my high-school obsessions. I used to do crossover stuff back then and Im back to doing it now. Time rly do be a flat circle
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caputvulpinum · 2 years
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Okay so. Sorry for the length here.
i used to think that atheist just meant that i dont believe in anything right?? But ive been following you and bones for long enough to know that thats not all it is cos that the ppl that claim that title are mostly annoying and also assholes.
i just dont believe in anything. And i was raised by a witch that was raised by a witch and so on. Like, i dont believe in anything but i also dont believe that theres any more proof that theres nothing than there is that theres something, yk?? And for me personally, i just dont care. Like a god or whatever could introduce themselves to me tomorrow and if they arent gonna or cannot improve my situation immediately i simply do not care about their existence.
i didnt realise that the majority of ppl that call themselves atheist were generally exactly as narrow and close minded as any religious extremist group. Thats genuinely fkn frightening wow.
i enjoy your blog so much cos even tho i dont believe in anything i truly think that having beliefs is overall a good and helpful thing and i learn a lot about what different ppl believe and how to be more like. idk ig accommodating?? To those things. i like learning about what ppl believe in cos i cant prove its not true, right?? All information is good and useful information. And whatever somebody believes in is a part of them so knowing and respecting it is just basic if you care even just a bit about them.
But im not just here to tell you about what youve taught me and shit i also wanna ask a question....if not atheist, what should i call myself?? Like in situations where i need to or care about explaining my position on these things?? Like i dont believe in anything but i also dont believe that theres any more or less proof that im 'right' than any religious person. Also, i was raised the way i was so ive seen magic and when i was small at least 30% of my friends were probably ghosts of some kind and ik that probably means something to a lot of ppl but it doesnt to me and even if its actually important i just dont care. Like ik that theres a lot going on its just not got anything to do with me. So what do i call that?? Is that agnostic?? Cos the way i understand that (which ig is probably wrong) is that the person believes in something they just dont have enough info to decide on what. Thats not me. So if i must give it a name what would you say i should call it?? Please and thank you.
First of all thank you for your thoughtful response!! It's always good to hear that sometimes I get listened to lmao. That said, I think a lot of the issue here might be miscommunication--atheist isn't like, a dirty word or poisoned concept. From what I can tell that you described, it fits you well. Apathetic atheism is pretty prevalent and to be clear these weirdos getting mad at me are best defined as antitheistic atheists--people who don't believe in the existence of higher powers and are against the idea of such in others.
It's admittedly a little tricky in your case specifically. Depending on exactly how the apathy is, agnostic might be a better fit for you, but at that point I'd just suggest you use the word you feel most comfortable with identifying yourself. Don't forget that you don't need to justify yourself to others when it comes to something as personal as this. So long as you aren't hurting people just do what you want.
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wanderrlust0 · 7 months
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-.-
idk why he says nothings wrong when i ask him, when clearly something is wrong. ik how he is & when somethings up but he still denied it. i understand if he doesnt wanna get into it rn or he just wants to let it go but like in this case, i pretty much know exactly what its about that could be bothering him & the only way to put him at ease is to talk about it….again! this one specific thing triggered his mood last night & i didnt even think it would. i noticed a red scratch mark on my chest and sent him a pic saying how i think his cat made the scratch. his reply was soo serious, like i could actually feel him doubting me thru the phone. i knew he was questioning if it was really the cat bc he said how he was close to my chest the other day and didnt see anything so that is odd that theres a scratch. !! i immediately knew where his mind went & that thought didnt even occur to me when i sent that pic..like if i knew that would cause him to think of this crazy scenario then i wouldnt have sent that snap in the first place tbh bc right after that, his tone & the way he texted just shifted. hes not the best at masking his feelings like me so i can tell when the energy feels different. i also posted some pics from the hangout on my ig story & he saw it later that night. i have a feeling that added to his misery and all of today it was so prevalent, even if he denies it. idc if he says nothings wrong bc its not convincing and its not just in my head. he went from msging me all cutesy & happy to immediately being more neutral & uninterested. we always send a snap to say good morning (unless we get busy but we still send a snap with whatever we’re doing). he didnt open the app, as well as reply to my snap, until 7:15pm.. around 4 was when i asked him whats wrong (bc i already knew he was ignoring me). his response was that nothing really is wrong and how he went straight to work and his boss switched his assignment. usually id let that go but not when its already past 7 and hes firsttt opening snapchat to answer me ? and i see that hes been on instagram. also.. hes always talking to me when hes either at work already, still at home, or driving to work. the only time he goes mia like that is when something is definitely upsetting him. also!.. when that happens, he will text me after a couple hrs to let me know how hes feeling & why he was silent. he didnt always do that but i told him to bc its not fair to me by feeling like ive done something or just the feeling of purposely being ignored by my own boyfriend. but yeah.. he didnt do any of that this time BC its this whole situation again. i really dont know what more i could do to reassure him about it. i feel like ive done and am doing all that i can rn. its mostly up to him now to let himself figure it out and honestly, just trust me. like just saying.. im not gonna be making that mistake that you (both) did and be stupid with it.. and neither will snow. theyre not a “friend” its actually becoming really genuine and sweet and i wont let it get ruined bc of him doubting me. i also wont let the friendship ruin me and him. i really cant help but compare it to what he did with his friend, especially since i just found out like a month ago. i also have this suspicion that it happened earlier that yr (when we were still together) than what he told me, but i dont even wanna think about that for any longer. i was told by her Husband! that it happened when they were still in school together. that means a year before. idk if i believe that. she mightve lied, but my suspicion’s still there. like i asked him if he remembered what month and he couldnt. all he knew was that it was during our break..-.- the what.…like 1 1/2 month long break. you dont remember which month..? i sound so salty rn omg i dont mean to. im just trying to understand. ill see how he is with me tm bc we barely talked today. kind of glad i worked most of the day so i was able to keep busy and not hyper focus on him ignoring me.
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todayisafridaynight · 10 months
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like you know the theory about sohei not being daigos real father? i believe you mentioned it not that long ago somewhere (and if not well- my memory is a bitch sometimes) here and now readin your asks about yayoi... i just guess it could make sense
like she was nineteen right? its a fucked up age you barely adult but you still cant let go your childhood and then you thrown into yakuza business marrying some dickhead dojima? i cant even begin to think about why (like do you believe this dude was charismatic enough for her to fall in love with? ha! i dont) she did that. maybe out of necessity. maybe not by her own will. maybe maybe maybe but it leads us to nineteen- hell maybe even eighteen y.o girl being yakuza dudes wife expected to bring a child (HIS child) into this world
and dont get me wrong but i dont think he was all that gentle and kind with her. he gets what he wants how he wants. like yumi is the example. i doubt it was all that different in the family. the girl cant even have a proper family cant even have a loving husband or whatever you dream of when you get married.
and maybe just maybe there were others. kinder. gentler. and maybe - again just maybe - the young girl wants to be loved. and she lets herself be loved she allows that little glimpse of weakness just to eternally suffer from guilt and regret
and then she grows up gets stronger and swears her loyalty to her husband out loud (but can she hear it? believe it? say it with her whole heart when theres a proof of her weakness runnin around lookin nothing like his father)
sucks to be sohei tho like imagine neglect your son to the point when you cant even suspect the son in question is not yours lmao. funny little theory you got there folks like it! so much angst to unpack Love It
i just mentioned the theory a few asks ago, so don't worry your memory ain't trash :]
but yeah, taking a glimpse into yayoi and her possible reality can make things a bit more grim. yayoi isn't a perfect parent- hell it's awkward to even call her a parent if we consider how absent she possibly was during daigo's critical years. at the same time, we can acknowledge it probably wasn't easy to be a mother entangled with the yakuza
it helps highlight that parents are people too- that while of course their children should be their priority, there can be times where we can sympathize with their predicament or understand that they may not be equipped to be the best they can be
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svatleena-delvera · 3 months
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Hello! Today I rewatched Titanic for the hundredth time, so I had an idea:
https://youtu.be/3CfB23kVtdQ?si=0Nb9KzYVZkgMtIyq
do you know this scene in Titanic? In any case, here it is, if you haven't seen this movie (I highly recommend it, crying every time Imao)
So, imagine that Rose is a character (inosuke) and Jack is the reader (their s/o) begins to die/or turn into a demon, they are both very hurt, the character understandably end up next to the reader at this moment in a hope to stop the process, but then both realize that nothing helps, and before going completely crazy/or die, the reader begins to calm down characters (just repeat lines from this scene lol) How would the characters react? I want some angsssss yeahh
P.S. If it's not difficult, briefly describe how the characters will behave after the death of their s/o(I prefer romantic)
So sorry for my English is so bad!!! I am not speaking it, hope you having a good day/night!!
In another life
Inosuke x G/N READER DEMON!
Omg yes i have cried many times in titanic 😭, and its ok i dont know much English aswell
Warning: angst, slightly Fluff
🍓as always i don't know much English so if something is wrong correct me 🍓
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You've gone missing for 1 week already and the others are worried about you so they look everywhere
When Tanjiro's crow called that it saw you inosuke pay no time and just ran to where the crow saw you but when he got there he got scratch non other than you
"(name) what are you doing?!"
You were a mess you don't have your haori anymore and your hair is messy and your uniform had many holes
You attack him once again now his mask fell
When your about to attack again he was about drew(or draw whatever) his sword but he realized your he's s/o he put back his katana and punch you in the chest
Zenitsu and tanjiro got there and tanjiro hold inosuke
"what are you doing to (name) inosuke!?"
Then he release inosuke when theres a bit tears coming out of his eyes
Then you were back going to attack him again, zenitsu drew he's sword and now was pointing at you
Inosuke ran towards you and took the hit
"don't..hurt...(name)."
And they were there avoiding and they catch them tanjiro holding you while you is struggling
"please (name) stop"
Now tears forming in inosuke's eyes the other two was surprised to see inosuke like this
"they're.... they're a demon now inosuke you cant stop them and they cant control they're self..I'm sorry to say this but....we have to cut-"
"NO! NO YOU WONT CUT THEIR HEAD WITHOUT MY PERMISSION SHUT UP MONITSU"
"inosuke-"
"YOU TOO?! YOU ALL SHUT UP I...THEY...no.."
You got out of Tanjiro's grasp when inosuke catch you he hold you but ended up getting an injury again
And then giyuu came he was fast then the moment flash
"NO!!"
Your head....
Inosuke stand there then came running to giyuu trying to fight him only ended up going to pass out he layed on the floor then hear what you said
"inosuke..Iloveyou..don't forget th...."
He looked in to your eyes theres only sorrow to see
Then he passed out
He have been ignoring everyone mostly giyuu (sorry giyuu stans) aoi tried to feed him only him throwing the food out of the window
Tanjiro even convince him
"do you think (name )would like this..huh inosuke... please just eat."
He stared to eat like a boar he haven't eaten in 3 weeks straight
Out of all the demons to choose you
---------------------------------------------------
He ran towards you and sat besides you he had a. Two Rice ball and give the other one to you
He talks with you about everything he expirince
"DID YOU KNOW I FOUGHT MANY MEN AND I STILL WON HAH IM SUCH A GOOD FIGHTER... right"
He look at you rubbing the cement then leaning into you grave
"in another life i wish you were no demon..."
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This is the only thing i could think of hope you liked it!
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