#and i miss my friends

[levitiquee]

𝘔𝘦𝘢𝘨𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘶𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭

𝘞𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘴, 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘵e𝘭𝘭

Levi let out a sigh of relief the moment your silhouette appeared through the shadows, tensed shoulders relaxing. He turned his head, all focus shifting instantly to you.

“You.” He exhaled, a hint of exasperation in his tone, indicating that the little time spent without your absence had not been very fun. “Where have you been?”

“Hi. Went to scout.” You answered, reaching the little campfire to stand beside Levi. All your friends sat circling it. Levi’s subtle, not very subtle eagerness at your arrival seemed to have triggered something, making the already guffawing crowd of people laugh even harder. Concluded with Levi’s sour face, it wasn’t very hard to guess what the subject of amusement must have been.

“Oh, are we bullying Levi again?” You beamed, nudging Levi’s leg with your foot, signaling him to give you space. “Scoot over. I want to join too.”

Levi shot a glare, but shifted to let you sit beside him. As another wave of laugher sparked through your friends, you plopped down on the grass, folding your legs. It was a chilly night, and everyone wanted to stay near the fire, therefore, the circle was so tightly formed around the fire, you could barely squeeze yourself between Levi and Nifa.

“Sit on my lap, why don’t you?” Levi grumbled, scowling and squirming a little at the close contact.

“What? It’s cold. And you’re warm.” You said as you sat down. “What are you so pissy for anyways?” You pressed yourself tighter, curling yourself up against him, uncaring of the poisonous gaze. You’ve learnt a long ago, half of Levi's words didn’t mean shit, that if he actually was uncomfortable, you wouldn’t even be here right now, he would’ve broken a bone or two. Levi’s personal space wasn’t something he let anyone come through, but you’ve been an exception for that for a long time.

And he was warm. A warmth that surprisingly only the cold, cold man was capable of.

And as always, the low protest died soon and he adjusted to let you lean against him.

“Hange.” He muttered, answering your previous question. “They’re trying to convince people to marry me.”

“Wonderful.” You grinned, “I volunteer.”

“I hate you.”

Cue for a very drunk Hange cracking up again, leading the others to join in. Even Erwin, ever regal and solemn, couldn’t seem to be able to hold the small smile from forming. With Hange’s contagious laughter and Levi’s scowl, it was impossible to.

“Oh why’d you let Hange drink again?” You laughed, watching them as Moblit struggled, trying to pry the bottle out of the section commander's grasp. “They're gonna be terrible to deal with tomorrow.”

“They insisted it was one sip.” Erwin said solemnly.

“Well, that sure seems like one sip.”

“But seriously though,” Nanaba piped in, shoulders still shaking with the waves of laughter. “Levi’s got all that spunk, but no bitches.”

“Stubborn shortie-” Hange's voice was cut of as they hiccupped

“Shut up. All of you. Please.” Levi sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “

“Point stands. In your mid-thirties, Levi. How long are you going to wait?”

“Why,” He huffed. “Are you people so insistent on analyzing my personal life every damn time? Do you not have anything better to do?”

“Only well wishers.” She gave him a smug smile. “That’s what friends do, they care for each other.”

“No. You just want to give me shit.”

“Well, that too.” She shrugged.

“Iffff—if anything,” Hange stumbled in, rubbing their eyes. She glanced at you pointedly. “You could at least date her. That’d be nice.”

“So I keep telling him.” You feigned a disappointed sigh.

“Don’t fucking egg them on.” He hissed, face heating up at the suggestion. How could they even think it’d work out? He thinks, against the thoughts tugging. Ridiculous. They were ridiculous. You were just as ridiculous. So what does he do with this ridiculous fucking feelin–

“Oh but look,” Hange leaned forward, squinting to watch the two of you, their glasses reflecting off the fire and casting shadows on their face. “ Do mine eyes deceive me or is Ackerman over there blushing?”

“No.” The denial was quick. A little too quick.

“I confirm.” Nanaba smirked. Miche grunted.

“No.”

“Oh, Levi.” Erwin’s eyes glimmered amusement.

“I will hit you. Don’t even go there.”

The roar of laughter only grew louder.

And the night rolled on, the nonsense bickerings and banters continued. Friendly faces and friendly voices, joking and teasing and laughing without a care in the world. Bottles clinked, the firelight glinting on them. At one point, you and Hange started singing some stupid song you’ve heard in the fair, rocking back and forth with the music. And you weren’t certain, but you could swear there was a hint of melody even in the wind blowing by. And it was cold, but with Levi beside you, you were okay. But that was okay, it was okay. More than okay, really. The happiness was overwhelming.

.

“You know,” Hange called out suddenly. They had taken to fully sprawl out on the grass. They’d been quiet a while, and you had thought they must’ve passed out, but appears not.

Everyone turned to look at them.

“This is nice isn’t it?” They mumbled, blinking up to the sky. “I mean, sure, we might die tomorrow, but this is nice. I wouldn’t really mind dying.”

“You know, what would’ve been nice, Hange?” Nanaba said, watching Hange. And despite the words itself, she was smiling. “To not mention death.”

“I know but,” Hange sat up, grinning. “This is not too bad as a last night of your life right? I wouldn’t mind.”

And for a second, no one spoke. Perhaps, it was because all were drunk more or less but that hit harder in that moment. Unsaid words were spoken in silence, the wind carrying the oaths away. And even Levi’s eyes had softened.

Only Hange could say words like that with that face, you thought. You weren’t sad, not really. Because Hange was right. Being a scout meant learning to appreciate every breath you can take, and nights like this were as good as they’d come.

“Aww Hange.” You sighed, grinning back. “Cheesy much? You’re making Levi all squirmy.”

“No, I am not—” Levi’s protests were buried as the group jumped in yet again another session of Levi leg-pulling.

But despite it all, Levi thought.

Pissheads, all of them were. But nevertheless.

He watched you with the corner of his eyes, watching you as you laughed your head off to something Eld said, shoulders shaking, the firelight making your eyes glitter. And you were so close, so close, he could hardly breathe. And the urge to wrap an arm around you, to pull you closer. To feel you against him.Would that be so wrong of him? If he leaned close, would you pull away? But it’s okay, he thinks.

Hange was right.

It’s okay if he dies tomorrow. He wouldn’t really mind.

He didn’t really mind right now either.

He finds it strange that he didn’t really mind it. Any of it.

He didn’t mind Hange or Nanaba or any of them.

He didn’t mind your stupid little jokes, clearly made with the intention to piss him off. He didn’t really mind that you were so close. He didn’t mind that your head on his shoulder. He didn’t mind a lot of things that he thinks he would’ve minded if it was anyone else but you.

He doesn’t really know how it works. He doesn’t like thinking about the strange little feelings in his heart that tugged everytime you smiled, or the way his stomach tightened whenever you flirted with him so casually.

And maybe one day he’ll tell you. Maybe he won’t

Does it matter? Is it not enough to only have you alive and close?

He’s here now. With everyone and with you.

He’s home.

#IM SAD OKAY #ik its kinda bad im just really really busy :c #I miss aot #and i miss levi #and i miss my friends #watching levi miss his friends made me sadder #also i believe their fav hobby was to bully levi #i also believe that levi would rather die than admit he's in love with you #stubborn little shit #ilhsm #levi ackerman #levi #aot #captain levi #levi heichou #aot fandom #snk #levi x reader #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction #levi x yn #aot levi x reader #levi x y/n #levi x reader imagine #levi x reader imagines #levi fluff #levi thoughts #levi x you #erurihan #Spotify

[oh-katsuki]

im gonna say something corny but... the profound effect that living in a women-only house had on me was and is insane. it was (almost) completely by chance that only women ended up living there, but i think moving in with my housemates was possibly the best decision i've ever made. i genuinely wish i could describe that kind of love and community, but i don't have the vocabulary. all that i know is that it's such a privilege to have gotten to live in that house and to love those women and to get to keep loving them. they're my most precious friends and i owe that feeling of safety and community to them. there was just something very special about that house. i was very lucky, i think. i don't think people get to love like this every day.

#im having a lot of big feelings tonight #and i miss my friends #and my house and the way it felt to live there #and come home to them #i want to grip the world in my hand and tell them how lucky i am #and i KNOW this is corny #but y'all... i hit the fucking jackpot with them i really did #and i WISH i had the words to articulate it #if i ever write one beautiful thing.. please let it be about them #vent

[molly-ghuleh]

Hi Ghesties,

This is some personal stuff, so feel free to skip over this post. I just want to explain my absence and express my gratitude to you all.

TW: Mental health talk

So as you may have expected from the above TW, I’ve been struggling with my mental health since the start of this year. I hate to talk about it because it just seems like I’m fishing for sympathy or excuses. But it’s a big part of my life and it takes up a lot of my energy, to the point where all I do is go to work and sleep.

I haven’t been eating well. I haven’t been sleeping well. I haven’t been taking care of myself as I should. I know I’m extremely fortunate to have access to food and water and housing but I struggle to find joy in it all. The winter has been extremely hard on me this year, as it always is, but something about this year is particularly bad to the point of almost relapsing after seven years clean from SH. I’ve been neglecting my friends, online and irl, and I feel so extremely guilty for it.

Not being able to work on writing (or creating in general) is the worst part. I don’t find joy or enjoyment in it right now even though I know I love to write. I want to write. But the mental energy just isn’t there. I hate that I’ve neglected my fics for so long. I feel so awful that I haven’t updated, and I’m sorry.

Anyways. If you read this whole thing, thank you. I deeply appreciate each and every one of you. The crawl back up from the hole I’m in is long but I can see the top, it’s just a matter of how to get there. Love you guys ❤️❤️❤️

#mental health #trigger warning #Molly-ghuleh #I miss Camellia sm #I miss ghost #and I miss my friends #I hate that I withdraw so much

[wriochilde]

i feel sick

#im so tired dude i want to go home #i miss alberta and being able to wear a fucking button up shirt and cargos #and im so sick of these old cunts staring me up and down like im a fucking meal #and i miss my friends #and i dont want to have to feel constantly scared because of religious shit and online school #this is wearing me down #when i get back in june im not letting them take me away again #god they are such fucking bad parents #finn.txt

[sailorchiztec]

I want to go home

#real talk #personal #I’m just feeling really sad and a lone #I’ve been a lone in Mexico with only my mom #who is a child #and my grandma #who doesn’t kno how to communicate without being aggressive #and I miss my friends #I miss my cousins #I don’t speak Spanish so I can’t even make friends #I’m trying to learn Spanish but I keep having health issues on my lesson days #including days with my therapist #I’m trying so hard to stay positive #but I’m so lonely #I’m so tired #I just want to get on the right medication and go back to the ppl who actually give a shit about me #I just want my life back #I want to stay positive but Ngl I’ve been feeling that familiar suicidal ideation #chiz life #I just miss my people #I miss not being misgendered constantly #I’m just so FCKNG lonely all the time #and I hate complaining to my friends about it #bc I don’t want to bum them out #like I talk to 1/2 of them about this stuff sometimes #bUT ITS SO DEPRESSING ykno #like no one ever knows what to say #and then i feel bad #bc I’ve put them in this uncomfortable position where they feel like they have to be careful with their words #I just

[adamparrishdyke]

they call it SAD for a reason . because make you sad

#girl help it's so dark all the time #and it's so cold #and i miss my friends #i made blueberry muffins at 9pm . this helped marginally #my body hurts So much with the changing season????? Why???? . #.r

[alexs-moon-garden]

It’s funny how the best birthday I’ve had, and what feels like the most memorable moment of my life, was my birthday back in 2019. It was the worlds smallest get together, with my absolute besties, we watched the Steven Universe movie two times that day, even though I was pretty much the only one fully invested in the series, and I just- I love my friends so much and every time I think about that day it kinda makes me cry--in a good and bittersweet way

#sorry i'm like having a whole moment over here #and I'm pretty sure I mentioned it before but I'll say it again #I had more to say but the key point here is #i love my friends #and I miss my friends #and I'm a big crybaby

[verycoolsnails]

whyyy why why why why whyw does this have to happen to me

#AGAIN . #i just. #i #i thought i had finally. gotten used to it. i. i FINALLY had a place where i could just be #where i could exist w/o the anxiety of being. of living #and EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. its taken away from me #and i havent moved on and i dont know how i can move on #and i feel so far away from everyone #and i miss my friends #i miss them so bad #i . miss . #i just want to go back to my tomboy phase or back to ballet class or trading ppoke.mon cards on the playground #and i miss my friends here (they arent gone yet but they might as well be) #and i miss my d.nd group. even if we have just started #and i miss everyone in my clubs (im not too social there anyways. i wonder if they would remember me) #and i. i still miss my ex. i hope shes moved on. i still want to find her again sometime #i just wanna go home. and now im going home but. #its not #its not home anymore and it NEVER will be home #i just. i dont wanna go through that again. i cant i cant i cant i cant i. should go watch something to distract myself #vent #go d im a mess rn hahah.

[greelin]

brother i’m going to be honest with you. i don’t give a fuck if he’s “redeemable” or not. what is this, the checkout counter? he’s not a fucking COUPON!!!!!

#i miss higgs. my friend higgs #this is about many things actually. welcome to my twisted mind

[troublegoblin]

i should be allowed to do whatever i want forever and get paid for it with zero qualifications. my friends should also live a five minute walk away and also I get to pet a cat whenever I want

#I'm tired #i don't want to be in school anymore #and i miss my friends

[hexgirlsgroupie]

honestly so glad i still have my account after being on here for over 10 years now

#i’m really so appreacitive to have a space where i’m able to rant and get so many things off my chest without having to worry #about people i know in real life seeing it #with that being said i cannot stand my situationship and hate myself even more for continuing to talk to them #and i miss my friends #even the ones that screwed me over and abandoned me :(

[griffynkitten]

Just wanted to rant a little and maybe ask for some advice (terrible place for that, I know lol). But lately I've been really anxious, especially when it comes to having to leave the house. Lately I've only really gone to work - nowhere else to go really - and I know that it'll be fine once I get there, I mean I like my job well enough (management is kind of a shit show but that's beside the point) and once I get into the flow it's really not bad, but the whole time getting ready and actually leaving makes me want to crawl in bed and hide under the covers for a week type nervous.

I've also been having trouble just answering my phone lately. Like I'll pick up calls and answer texts if it's work related/important, but I've been slow answering texts from friends and making excuses for missed calls from family. Hell, I used to be on instagram all the time because that's the main/only way I talk to some of my friends, but I've only checked it like, once, all summer. It's stupid, cause I really miss my friends and I do want to talk to them, but the idea of actually reaching out or even answering them back ties knots in my stomache and causes me to overthink until I feel like it's too late to even bother.

I don't know. I guess I just wondered if anyone else feels like this or maybe had any advice on how to not freak out about living, cause this is getting really annoying. Thanks.

#anxiety #stressed #personal rant #asking for advice #the outside world is scary #and i miss my friends #why is everything scary #mental illness #mentally fucked

[ollys-useless-rambles]

it’s been. two days and I’m already getting worse !!

#i hate school so much #and the people there #i only have two classes with people I know #and that’s after I changed my schedule #literally the only decent thing is the greenhouse and even that kinda sucks because of the kids in there #and I hate most of my teachers a couple of them are like actually insane #and I miss my friends #and I’m just gonna miss a ton of days anyways what’s the point #i dont even know what I’m doing anymore