#and i need a fucking car to get to work

[descendantofthesparrow]

i want to fucking *scream* and break shit

#im so fucking stressed now #the fuck #i was gonna go to knotts this tuesday cuz today work was just so much #not any coworkers just like-dogs took crazy pills and i wanted to ride ghost rider to just scream without anyone thinking i was weird #NOW MY FUCKING ROOF THING FUCKING BROKE AND NO ONE BOTHERED TO WARN ME THE DAMN RETURN BUTTON DIDNT FUCKING WORK #MY FUCKING SUNROOF COVER IS FUCKING STUCK BETWEEN THE STUCK WINDOW AND THE CELING #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #AND NOW IM GONN AHVE TO PAY TO GET IT FIXED #WHICH IS PROB GON BE 100 PLUS #N FUCKIG- #i have to save for a fucking car but im stil lpractially living paycheck to paycheck and i havent worked long enough to be able to save up #from each check to make a difference #i would be less worried if i hadnt missed two weeks ago two days of work #1000 but that shit dont look legit #FUCK WHY DOES EVERYTHING COST MONEY #and i need a fucking car to get to work

[yikesharringrove]

hi i've missed you!

can we do something soft and just cute like going for drives and getting fast food and just talking?

“I’m picking you up,” came the crackling voice from the walkie talkie on the nightstand. “Meet me at the spot in ten. Over.”

“No, you freakazoid,” Steve barely moved from his blanket cocoon, only reaching one arm out to press the button on the side. “I’m asleep.”

“Clearly not. I’m on my way, Shithead. Over and out.”

Steve rolled his eyes, and contemplated going back to sleep for all of five seconds before he sighed, and heaved himself to standing.

Curse Billy for stealing that walkie from Max, for suggesting they stay on their own channel, different than the ones the kids use. Curse Billy for his insomnia and his late night drives. Curse Billy for the way he keeps on hand on Steve’s thigh while they go and always stops at the nearest drive-thru to get Steve a milkshake and wolf down a double cheeseburger (because his dad slapped him and sent him to his room without dinner. Again.)

Steve trudged around the side of his house, crashing through the well-worn path through the sparse trees to the road on the other side.

They both agreed that Billy’s car shouldn’t be spotted outside of Steve’s house, even if they were publicly friends now.

The Camaro was rumbling up the street, and Steve could practically feel the road of the engine shake in his chest before he could even spot the headlights.

Doesn’t matter how many speeding tickets Officer Callahan gives him, Billy’s never gonna be a sensible driver.

He stops in front of Steve, and he grins as Steve joins him in the car, leaning over the center console and burying his left hand in thick, dark brown hair to kiss Steve in a way that steals the breath from his lungs.

“You owe me.”

“Yeah, yeah, Princess. I’ll get you a damn milkshake.”

The car lurched forward, and they flew down the service roads, flipping off the Leaving Hawkins sign as they went past, on their way to a different little town.

A different little slice of life.

#idk if this is what you had in mind but it’s what I got :) #I’ve had such a nightmare week #so much crazy shit went down at work with some of our seventh graders #and some of our theater kids were in chat roulette (or ig the current equivalent) during rehearsal and saw a dick bc #they figured out how to get around our censors on their school chromebooks #and also my grandpa was given weeks to live #and I crashed my fucking car #so that’s cool I’m having fun I love everything <3 #on the other hand I saw one of my all time favorite bands again last night and it was really just what I needed #okay anyway that’s been my week hope you enjoyed #billy hargrove #steve harrington #harringrove #yikes writes

[mishapen-dear]

thinking about 4halo again and dying

they just. they used to be so sweet together. and then the election arc managed to genuinely turn them against each other (and bad is still affected by being caged in the museum) and i would NOT have been surprised if a rebellion had started within the next few weeks after their last fight and. they used to be friends and then they almost destroyed each other

and then the eggs went missing

and there are so many parallels between them, but one of the biggest parallels is how they're both protectors. they both protected the eggs (and, when he became president, forever extended that protection to the other islanders) but the eggs went missing and they had to put all of that aside. Forever was quicker to put it down than Bad was (it felt like only a very temporary truce, from Bad's end), but they put their problems on hold, because their eggs. were gone.

and another parallel. the destruction. both of them with their plans to cause ruin because then, maybe, theyll get their kids back. bad caused most of the grieving arc damage directly, and got aypierre and antoine to help him. he dug holes in the ground. he placed mines everywhere and leapt into them. he started the lavacasting process of the fed building (and was interrupted by admins, so he stopped, but philza and fit were still right to laugh at him lmaoo). he drilled a hole through the side of the federation office from a huge distance away. he has chosen to hurt his friends and himself to get the eggs back. whatever the cost.

forever destroyed the island. or he planned to destroy the island. or he was interrupted just before he destroyed the island or or or. I don't know. but it was big, and it was bad. bad enough that the feds had to step in and forcefully drug him, and kickstart the happy pills arc.

and the happy pills arc..... oughghghgh as fucking awful as it was for their characters to experience i genuinely truly think that it saved them from each other. when he was first told about forever being fucked up bad was still in the "i need to kick his butt" mindset, and was all ready for an excuse to kill forever. and then he saw forever. and the first proposal happened. and bad was angry and he was sad and upset and he was careful. forever tried to kill him. bad decided to save him. forever kept trying to marry him. forever kept taking the pills. forever was so scared of his own anger and all of the damage he could and would have caused to his family that he kept taking drugs that kept him so out of his mind he hallucinated his son was just sleeping safely at his house.

and they both tried to kill each other. and they both failed.

and bad showed phil and cellbit (and tubbo) the item scanner that dapper discovered, which could destroy him, because nothing else was working. because they needed to save forever. because bad was reminded by then that forever was a victim of the federation instead of just a mouthpiece for it. and then when forever woke up he saw bad, suffering, and so excited to see him awake.

and now they're here on opposite sides again with forever projecting his protection urges onto the fed worker in bad's basement and bad frustrated that he isn't being believed and his evil plans of giving ron lemons apology brownies is being interrupted and. look at them. soft "i hate you" and the appreciation room and bad's quiet heartbreak when he learned about forever being missing and the "i miss you" book bad got mad at because it asked him not to torture fed workers. does anyone hear me im so ill about them. do you understand they care about each other so much and the happy pills arc reminded them of that. forever realized bad is colourblind and bad assumed forever was poisoning him and then forever helped bad cheat on another colourblindness test and forever was giving bad flowers and bad was accepting them and accepted that he was colourblind despite his previously constant denial and! i don't know if im being comprehensible and i dont really care i will be honest i just need you to know i am frothing at the mouth like a rabid little beast. they are a TRAGEDY of miscommunication and external pressure but they love so so much. platonic or romantic or qpp they CARE and it tears me to shreds

#qsmp #4halo #i feel like ive talked about this exact thing like three separate times but #its one of those things that really Kills Me #and its CRUCIAL to understanding them and their relationship #they were fighting and now have found peace in hell #and forever using his care for bad as a distraction to not focus on his Own woes #and the way he's so sure bad needs help the way he was helped that at heart bad is a good person who doesnt want to be hurting people #and in a Way he's right. bad doesn't want to hurt his loved ones. everyone else? yeah. in a heartbeat. but his family... #but he's still makign the choice to do it. it's not lashign out in desperation the way forever destroying the island was #bad is hurting people with Purpose. he's putting thought into it. he's testing people and their knowledge and their motivations and he will #use them all as tools that can be bent and broken if it means they get the eggs back. he'll do it to himself too #especially to himself #ghhhgrhrgh the way theyre both self sacrificial and self destructive the Parallels the fucking parallels #i can best examine their relationship from a bbh pov and it agonizes me because i can't get all the nuance of forever's pov #because i dont speak portuguese yet :c #so best i can do is talk crazy about them like a Lure for other analyst shippers #pspspssps dont you see my ship. dont you see how canon 4halo is !!! in 8 acts #dont you want to examine them and their parallels and the way they are both so strange about relationships but they're finding a way to car #in a way that works for them #pspspsps #like me talking about qbbh vacation arc got the fandom acknowledging his sillies and directly got me a friend to talk about him to (hi kia! #maybe it will work here also #come to the dark side we have complex relationship dynamics that are frequently misunderstood and mislabelled #YOU can help change the world

[wiisagi-maiingan]

Damn, getting copies of legal certificates is fucking expensive.

#since my mom has gotten married then divorced then married again since she was enrolled #she needs to provide the tribe with BOTH of her marriage certificates to show a clear path of her name changes #and it cost $41 to order a copy of her previous marriage certificate. $41!!! #god damn #my enrollment form is more or less in limbo rn because i can't submit it until she gets her info changed #and after she gets it changed she'll still need to fill out a record release form for me #also the website we used for ordering her certificate was fucking creepy #because the security questions at the end were extremely specific things like 'what work licenses have you held' #and 'what car have you recently owned' with multiple choices and a correct answer from the list

[kingprinceleo]

Oh fuck me fuckme fuck me

#I'm going to start killing people #I need SLEEPY TYLENOL NOWWWWWWW #Mfer laying in bed for 8 hours full awake 🫠 eyes shut. Brain. ACTIVE #IM TRYING SO HARD TO SLEEP JUST BE UNCONSCIOUS #Too late now #Fuck me I have to be aware enough to not kill everybody in this vehicle #Mfing murder nightmare too what the fuck #Set the scene: YouTuber wedding #The man in charge of filming is an asshole to the minimum wage people working there #Like real mean. And one meek guy tries to tell the groom but the groom is kinda a dismissive asshole about it bc he's already paid the guy #So it's too late now. Meek guy keeps getting disrespected and storms out to the parking lot to just leave #Woman who has been witnessing this apparently is gonna kill on meek guys behalf. He does not want this #Woman gets into a fucked up death machine car and drives it into the groom #But not like. Runs him over. There's a fucking saw blade on the front that starts cutting through the bottom of his torso #He was screaming a lot. I'm not sure if he survived or not. But the atmosphere was not fun #Very muddy desaturated colors. Very wet and musty feeling. It was like almost a parking garage #I don't think I'll ever have a dream as scary as the um time-looping cannibal beach dream #But this was just the delightful cherry of not being able to sleep at fucking. ALL . #Literally cried I'm so distressed about not being able to control anything about myself rn #Hhhhh :((( #3rd night in a row I've slept like shit

[karda]

my birthday is in 8 days and i am n nnotttt feeling it . at all.

#i work the day before and day aftwr so i cant really go anywhere #i have nobody to invite if i could👍 turning 21 going to bed at 7pm and not drinking with no friends im like the ultimate loser #😁 #i was planning to finish my meet the artist before my bday so i can make like a yearly thing with it #but i havent been able to sit down and color anything in forever #art has been so shit lately. i just sit down and scribble and then get mad and stop #playing sdv like an addict for a week and then completely dropped it #reading random manga i found in my closet (love hina) #i really am like . not feeling it #im off center #i want a new tat but i got dentist bills next month #and i really need a new car. i think mines about to explode #and I really need to go on testosterone #but i cant even go to the doctor for my migranes #so how am i gonna ask for hormones #everything is baby steps away but im too scared to even try #i couldve been on hrt since i graduated #i couldve been trying to get into schools #i couldve . fuck idk? actually learned guitar by now? instead of dropping it and letting it rot in my closet #I've been on fucking autopilot since 9th grade #last tkme i had friends.

[mokeonn]

Job hunting is an absolute nightmare because it's like I have a million reasons to need this job and the money from it and it's basically like telling the job that I'm pretty much their bitch because I need the money, and they'll just reject you because you didn't downright worship a company or bc you were honest on the application personality quiz

#simon says #like please I just wanna work at this subway I need to pay so many bills #'why do you want this job?' it's a fucking subway. i need the money #im not super passionate about making sandwiches in a walmart subway I just need money so so bad #like yeah my cat has asthma that I need to treat my other cat has meds that he needs I need medical care I want to get a car #i would like to go on hormones in this nightmare anti-trans state I would like to save up to move out of my parents house #i would like to be able to afford car payments for said car I would like to be able to afford insurance for my healthcare and my pets #and honestly??? i would like to make sandwiches #but ough I am not worshiping the ground subway stands on therefore I shant get the job :( #how dare I admit I need a job for money in this capitalist society

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

the desire to do comms vs my inability to remember that i got a message FIGHT-

#its like 'oh a message! i will respond later' #and then later never comes cause i have no damn object permanence Or working memory #then its like... what do i even say #'hi sorry i ghosted your simple question for two days i forgot you messaged me' AGH #or especially lately #i mean to do things and then i get a New piece of distressing information about the way my life is going #which then consumes my thoughts and leaves no room for anything else #ahaha thanks! ill claw my eyes out now!! wow!!! FUCK! #trying to keep up the things i enjoy is. so tough rn #but ill flounder w/o em so! hard work that i am mostly failing at but i Keep Trying #yes i wanna do comms. yes i wanna draw. yes i wanna talk to people. can i? mmmmm...... #can't wait for this chapter in my life to be over. goddamn. #ive been in a perpetual state of intense stress since early childhood #but my fucking duck things lately have been taking the cake #absolutely unprompted #oh no this is turning into a vent post Look Away #well my mother called again last night and was all 'im getting you a car' #and uh. i started physically shaking while profusely thanking her (lying through me teeth) #GIRL!!! I DONT NEED A CAR THATS TOO MUCH RN!!! #she's always mentioning how the collective We are tight on money #and that rn i need to focus on making decisions and getting a job ill hold for like. a month #and then she slams this down outta left field??? thats so much extra stress i dont need right now??? #now i gotta worry about parking and maintaining it and gas money i dont have And And And- #i cant exactly tell her Dont Fucking Do That bc then she'll blow up in my face and call me inconsiderate & ungrateful again #me and my stepdad dont have the fucking TIME to get one! and then she was like 'oh i can always come down to help' #please dont. do not do that. i cant deal with you in person right now that sounds hellish #anyway. case in point #cant even think about messages and stuff i Want to think about bc all this bullshit is taking up my entire mind #metaphorically slamming my face into a brick wall till theres nothing left. aaaghhahsbkjadadj #its too much its Too Much everything is so much and its too much and can i be let be for two fuckin seconds please

[naamahdarling]

.

#got a cardio appt in the morning that's too early to sleep before and too late not to fuck up my schedule so that's going to be fun #and im worried about it #I'm only mildly worried about there being something wrong #but i am worried about getting on the 'furher testing' railroad because i have NO spare energy for more medical shit right now #im dealing with like 3 other specialists right now AND therapy and I don't have a car #and also i just can't do more than 2 appts a month AND deal with prescription bullshit and the inevitable clinic fuckups #just that much messes me up #i do not need more #god help me if something IS wrong because I absolutely do not have the spoons or the ability to deal with interventions #or god save me '''''lifestyle changes'''''' which they offer NO material support for but for which I need material support #ugh #i want to get this checked out but it had better be nothing just like last time #im also having one of those evenings where my hands are so unsteady i can't do fine work at all #but at least i got myself into the studio for a while even if i wound up doing something else

[eddiethehunted]

in case anyone wants to know how fucked the legal system is here in canada, 3 teenagers came into my work today and beat the absolute shit out of a random guy because he “looked at them wrong” like literally had him on the floor and were kicking him in the ribs and head REPEATEDLY. cops were called (as much as i dislike cops, it was necessary bc wtf are we supposed to do as random minimum wage retail employees lmao???) and these teens were charged with NOTHING, after leaving this guy bloody and unconscious and his face was so swollen it was hardly even a face anymore. they punched one of my coworkers who tried to stop them too and a bunch of products were damaged as well from them throwing the guy into shelves. and they were smirking and laughing to each other as they walked out with no fucking charges because they were underage. like i’m sorry and i DO TRULY HATE cops and i hate the prison system and but HOW can you just let this happen?? no consequences?? at all??? NONE???????? they COULD HAVE KILLED HIM and literally nothing is being done because they were under 18. like. they’re just gonna do it again. and some girls that were shopping were like “they go to our school, they beat people up like that all the time and no one ever does anything” like what the FUCK!!!! where are your PARENTS😭 why is nothing being done about this!!!! i don’t understand!!! like wtf are we supposed to do, just let teenagers literally assault people?? i guess so! 😭😭😭😭😭

it was so bad that multiple customers were CRYING???? or so scared we had to literally HIDE THEM AWAY from the teenagers

#and it genuinely was random. like the guy was just picking up a prescription #and these teenagers flipped the fuck out out of nowhere #it was fucking insane i’ve never seen anything like it #and i got really scared but stupid and i was shouting at them to get the fuck out #and then security said they had to walk me to my car ‘just in case’ HUH??????? #WHY ARE THEY JUST BEING ALLOWED TO WALK FREE #LIKE WHAT #insane shit happens at my work all the time cuz i live in like one of the most dangerous cities in canada lmao #but i have never seen anything like this. just literal senseless violence #like i HEARD the guy pleading them to stop and then he just suddenly. was not pleading anymore bc he WAS NOT CONSCIOUS ANYMORE. #there was BLOOD. ON. THE. FLOOR. #watching the camera footage w the cops made me sick #bc like they were fucking beating the absolute shit out of him #like yall remember how bad steve looked after billy got him ? well obviously that was makeup #but i need yall to imagine something like that and then multiply it by 10.

[thenwethrowitonthefire]

Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family

#fucking hell #it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister #who was equally dreading the day #my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt #then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present) #multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way. #combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high #weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells. #this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing. #then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on. #my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence #i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum #who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?) #me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting. #Which amuses the bored and the deaf #but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed #they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes #finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism* #still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously #(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something) #me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room #and made things appear that should not be there #I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go #you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room. #i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear #I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that. #the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well #she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer #maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk. #can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important

[famewolf]

im punching and punching and punching my anxiety today

#[static] #man i need a new job but im gonna try my best to stick it out for the next year and a half so that im 'vested' - #- or whatever its called for my little tiny 401k money lmao #im starting to get anxiety about work on my days off more than usual #they just changed it from 5 years to 6 years fjgkdlghd #and im nearly at 5 years #also i think im gonna try and stick it out with the full time up until October and i'm going back to 4 days a week for my sanity #and also theyve been cracking down on ppl missing work and the winter time i have to call out a couple times a month for snow #they used to be understanding about it but it sounds like they arent anymore :) #in one breath they'll be like 'yeah it's no worries we work at a grocery store who cares! we're stacking cans this isn't life or death' #but the moment you gotta leave early due to snow so you can actually make it home in one piece they get butthurt lmao #mind you I have put my car in a ditch BECAUSE of work doing this to me and i ended up missing a week + covering repairs because of it #like ... would you rather i go home 2 hours early or miss 4-6 days of work and be in debt :) #and the answer is the 2nd one for them lmao i fucking hate them

[felicity-smoak-is-my-goddess]

#daniel ricciardo #i swear i am still practicing photoshop and it's kicking my ass #i have no hopes in getting that multimedia job i just want to learn at this point cause it might be useful in the future #gradient thing is kicking my ass why do i keep choosing colors and it still ends up gray and black like wtf #so anyway i only use google pics cause i am dumb and i think it ended up being decent whatever #seriously wtf is a gradient thing i can't make it work hoooooooow #daniel looked so good today we were fucking fed i just need that car to be a rocket ship #f1 #alpha tauri #vcarb #v-carb #which one is the right spelling???

[front-facing-pokemon]

#bonus under the cut where they're just a tiny bit closer because i couldn't decide which one was better #lairon #lairon is also pretty good. they have this Really big nose thing happening here which i'm not sure if it's supposed to be a nose or not #but it definitely looks like one from this angle. it definitely Looks like they're snifsnifsnifsniffing that kind of vibe #even though it's kinda on the top of their head. either way lairon is a steel-type and that's inherently cool #i very much like steel-types that look less like Objects or Mechanisms and more like Creatures. Animals. but that's just my personal taste #notably it's also part rock-type because reasons i guess so 4x weakness to fighting my belovèd. just like weavile #and ground also. but at least the rock typing nullifies steel's weakness to fire! in exchange for. a weakness to water #ahh well i dunno anything about the stats of this bitch. i assume they're good and very tanky because steel-type but i'm not #gonna look it up. i usually do but i am tired this morning and i need to just get some coffee and take my meds so i can call someone to #come pick me up and take me to fedex because i don't have a fucking car anymore and also driving is very scary and hard #probably my grandma. which is ironic because she's the one i sold my car to. she'd be taking me to fedex in my own car‚ technically #i dunno y'all. i need to work‚ too‚ so i should probably stop writing. y'all have a good day. brits out there take care with the heat wave #if that's still going on by the time this posts

[batz]

.

#frank.txt #also shit is FUCKED rn . im so STRESSED #my landlord had a landlord moment so we're moving. also this place is getting unbearable #we live near freedom convoy folks and ive been called all sorts of slurs just trying to walk to 7/11 so . idk #maybe the next place will at least have homophobes that aren't as shouty and angry n shit bc GOD. GOD #that one guy that followed me halfway home just yelling slurs like yeah maybe moving out is a blessing in disguise #also this house haa no insulation which is awful in summer and winter #the next place we're going to is more expensive unfortunately but like. its insulated. doesnt have squirrels in the attic. or asbestos. #so uhm yayyy #its in a very secluded farmland area. tbh maybe thats what i need rn bc my physical and mental health arent super sturdy rn #physically feeling a bit bettr tho! just having bubble baths about it <3 #i only post now on my priv twit @dykefiend rn #once things are settled ill go back to posting art . #bc i RLLY want to draw my own stuff soon i just gotta work on commissions wnd then start PACKING #genuinely almost cried last night thinking abt how i'll probably be able to see stars at night again #its the outskirts of the city in a rural area. super rundown broken down house but gorgeous yard. all u can hear is wind ans birds #no sirens or yelling or cars!

[pepprs]

i literally need there to stop being situations circumstances events developments complications and happenstances. for the fucking love of god

#purrs #but there will never stop being any of those things so actually what i literally need is to learn HARD AND FAST how to stop getting so #fucking triggered over a situation i know is NOTHING so bad that im anxious for the entire rest of the day and can’t even get any work done. #like (jade from tesco voice) girls… im not gonna lie to you. i think therapy is not working. i think i am not mentally or emotionally strong #enough to work in this job and i think i am never going to get mentally or emotionally stronger. ive been stuck in the quicksand too long #and now im atrophying. i cannot develop the situational awareness and motor skills or awakeness (and i mean AWAKEness.) to safely and #consistently drive a car. i cannot develop the intellect and drive and courage to get an advanced degree or be in a leadership position that #everyone actually sees as a leadership position lmfao. and i cannot develop the emotional intelligence and inner peace to not get triggered #out of my fucking mind at work to the point where im having anxiety heart palpitations and fighting back tears. i am just stuck as i am #forever. and you know how i know that? BECAUSE IVE WORKED AT THE NATIONALLY RENOWNED CENTER FOR YOU-ARE-NOT-STUCK-AS-YOU-ARE-FOREVER FOR #FIVE FUCKING YEARS SINCE ITS LITERAL FOUNDING AND HELPED TO FOUND IT AND IM STILL LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!! i go back to square one EVERY #FUCKING DAY!!!!!!!! how am i supposed to tell other people who they are is what they bring and the world can change and whatever when i am #the fucking antithesis of that. when i don’t even believe my own words. like the way i want to punch out every window in this building rn i #HATE BEING LIKe this i hate being in the psychic prison of scared little girl mode all the time forever no matter what and being beyond help #and disappointing and burdening the people around me because i can’t be fucking normal about like. hierarchy and institutional politics LOL #delete later