#and i think it speaks enough for itself (bUt whAt abOuT cHEm

[definitelynotshouting]

(Hunger au) I'm going into ecology and it's fascinating looking at your au's ecosystem, especially since this doesn't necessarily seem driven by natural selection and instead by just. The universe creating what it needs, with a purpose in mind. That's so different from our world that it's fascinating to think about the implications. Rather than existing to take advantage of and respond to resources and selective pressures, theyre basically creating said resources/pressures. The watchers are having to manually adapt to survive after a bottleneck effect, which to be fair even if there was natural selection they'd probably have to cuz adaptation takes a looong time in species with long reproductive cycles. Do they have a genome? Or are they just being arbiters of mutation themselves (by that i mean theres no genome so theyre changing their species themselves since theres nothing to mutate)? Do offspring inherit traits? What does this mean for natural selection (cuz like. If they survive differently depending on how their traits match up to the environment and selective pressures there is)? With the seekers gone are expected to have a population rebound barring any other selective pressures/fitness independent factors on their population? Their reproductive strategy seemingly aligns with the low pressure they're facing... I read a paper to understand this and it's really cool:

(From https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-019-42562-7)

They seem to be an r-selected species and invest a lot in their offspring, but they just naturally have low infant survival rates. This is the sort of species that does not do well in the long run so that adds urgency to their efforts to edit themselves.

All this to say that I'm rotating the concept of an ecological system that has one of ecology's core tenants (evolution) heavily altered/removed. Tis fascinating.

between you and chem anon im going to have a heart attack over sciency people looking at my silly au /lh

I really did want to go like vastly different from how our world works since this is such a video game setting-- it was really fun to noodle about what a universe made out of code instead of DNA would look like!!! and having the universe be quasi-sentient, affected by a form of evolution itself as well (thank you julien gough for the universe evolution theory that i have wholeheartedly adopted into my worldview).... idk its led to some very interesting worldbuilding for sure 😂😂😂

Watchers-- or any entity in this universe, actually-- dont really have a genome like we'd understand it. Instead, theyre made up of code and code blocks, which i guess would sorta mimic that to a certain degree, but its more tipped in favour of computer programming than biology. The whole au sorta just wholesale marries the two together, along with physics and chemistry (i am currently percolating on how crafting works in this au rn and my current idea involves the concept of the crafting table acting somewhat like a catalyst, which. okay dont take that as gospel yet i havent fully cooked on that one) etc etc etc.

But the Watchers did intentionally change their coding to help defend against the Seekers when they were being hunted into extinction!!! Watchers already had a natural affinity for deep coding, so while it took a lot of effort and caused a lot of damage to themselves, they managed to rapidly change their code structure (aka this universe's version of genetic makeup) to get better at, well. Watching. Seeing the Seekers coming far enough in advance to run before they got there became their primary defense against getting voraciously hunted, and by the end of it the Seekers starved out and went extinct bc they'd gotten so adept at avoiding them.

Offspring is interesting because in my mind at their base level (so genetically/code structurally speaking), Watchers are identical clones of each other. They reproduce asexually-- think uhhh mourning geckos and some species of aphids, which reproduce via parthenogenesis. So yes, in a sense they do inherit traits, but its in a direct line from the parent as a genetic copy. Their memory codes and surface code layers are what differentiate themselves from each other

Reading this chart is so interesting.... i'd say you're right in that Watchers would be considered an r-selected species!! I think if they werent like. Essentially made out of tissue paper thats constantly getting damaged and having to be repaired, they would be able to bounce back to the point of population rebound for sure. The problem with that though is there are only about 40 Watchers left-- thats how bad and out of control the situation got. And since they have such a long reproductive cycle, and such a high infant mortality rate, and their experiment with Grian went so wrong, AND the universe formed Listeners to replace them via direct competition (Watchers cant feed from Listener-infected Players!!), they are unfortunately headed right for extinction too.

Hopefully this makes a modicum of sense and isnt just me totally talking out of my ass wkdnjedjkejdke but i hope this answered most of your questions!!! Im really glad you like the direction ive taken this, its a lot of fun to conceptualize a world that works on different rules than our own :]

#shouting speaks #asks #hunger au #evo watchers #minecraft worldbuilding #mcyt #long post #i need u to understand how insanely intimidating it is to have ppl who actually study this stuff eyeballing it AKDNAKDJKSKS /LH #I NEVER WENT TO COLLEGE!!! IM OPERATING ON A HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL EDUCATION HERE!!!!! #i just also supplement it with a metric fuckton of research and bullying my brain into understanding hyperspecific terms #me reading these incredibly dry papers like i WILL force myself to get it. gun to my FUCKING head #😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 #txt

[damianogender]

i love how Math People™ all collectively lack basic comprehension and communication skills and yet understand each other perfectly:

-the only two messages in the group chat-

17 august: if everything goes as planned, face to face education will be starting on 31 august

23 august: the classes will be starting at 13.00

APPARENTLY, i'm the only one who thought the classes will start on 31 august and not 24 august

#oops forgot to post this #btw all of my friends and a majority of my teachers are ''math people'' #so lemme explain what a math person is #it's not when you're good/excel at maths. i'm also good at maths. #no a math person is someone whose whole academic success revolves around math and looks down at social sciences/lit/language etc. #an average math person claims that those classes are 'too boring' and 'too much memorizing' and says they'd excel at them if they studied #but we all know that isn't true don't we? as you've made 3 grammar mistakes and misused 5 words while saying these #they're ''boring'' and ''just memorizing things'' because you don't get them. #they're ''simple if u study but i dont bc i don't like them. they aren't important anyway'' bc u need an excuse for ur inadequate knowledge #also let me give you a secret: (speaking for our ed system) math is the subject that requires the most memorizing #you can't excel at math unless you CONSTANTLY solve questions + what do u do with formulas exactly? do u go through its proof everytime? #what they're doing is literally memorizing question types so they can solve them faster. mind you given enough time Anyone can solve them #the thing that makes them excel at math is their speed which is experience = basically memorizing questions or muscle memory at this point #plus i know it's nothing to brag about but i don't study regularly for anything and yet the only classes i get bad grades are math and chem #and i think it speaks enough for itself (bUt whAt abOuT cHEm? it used to be my fav then i didnt understand mole & now im horrible at it ok? #anyway this was a looong rant but i've spent 3 years among these people who looked down at me bc of my math grades #and bc i'm actually good at & enjoy 'unimportant classes'. yeah. they're Like That. idk who raised them. #''ur math grades are low and you're good at social sciences why don't u like be a [insert 'unimportant job' here]'' #(unimportant job: any job that's not doctor or engineer) #like i'm totally fine with those jobs and some of them are right i WOULD make a good psychologist or lawyer or whatever #what makes me mad is that they look down to those jobs and basically tell me that i couldn't pull off being a doctor or engineer #''so just... you know... i think you should consider these jobs. u don't like math anyway right? u wouldnt like engineering'' #lets get one thing straight: i like math itself. i dont like Math Class (&i hate the education sytem overall but thats another conversation #ok i'm done finally. but am i wrong to rant this much??? DO U KNOW HOW INFURIATING IT IS TO BE CONSTANTLY AROUND THESE PEOPLE #look (again nothing to brag but) i'm like zuko level obsessed with pride and honor but these guys are just testing me. #haha stfu and stop acting like you're better than me i'll literally make you eat your own spine :) ❤ #you can't even properly speak your own fucking language!!!!! :))) #please tell me you didn't read all this

[danses-with-dogmeat]

romanced hancock reacting to pregnant sole? (obviously not his baby, but a donor's haha)

Hancock x Pregnant! F!Sole Headcannons:

Oh look! I've been enabled yet again! No, but this is great though, I love thinking about happy companions starting a family with Sole ❤

Also, if y'all want any headcannons or anything for companions as parents please hmu, cuz my brain just naturally seems to consider that after doing these pregnancy prompts anyway 😅

Anyway, thanks for the ask, I hope you enjoy!

The ghoul always wondered whether or not his tear ducts would still work after his whole ordeal, and the news that the love of his life was ready and willing to start a family with him would certainly seek to find out. As soon as she gave the word that the donorship had worked, Hancock would be grinning wide and tearfully, with upturned brows and a trembling lip. Unable to speak at first, he would pull an equally tearful Sole into the tightest hug he could muster, their bodies flush, his arms enveloping his love as his roughened cheek pressed insistently against her smooth one. “You just made me the happiest ghoul in the whole damn world, you know that, sunshine?” He’d say just before touching his lips to her cheek in a long, drawn out, tender kiss. (The action may or may not escalate into a long trail of kisses spanning across Sole's entire face as mirthful giggles escape her lips.)

Who would've thought that this was in the cards for him? Certainly not Hancock. He thought he was lucky enough just to be in the presence of someone like Sole, but for her to return the feelings he had for her? To enthusiastically agree to being in a relationship with him? To want to start a family together? Hancock was sure he was dead, or riding the wildest high of his life, for how could this be reality for someone like him? A junkie, a bachelor, a coward, a ghoul, a flimsy torn page with "bad news" written all over it. Nah, he didn't deserve this, but damn was he overjoyed at the fact that Sole thought he did, and who was he to question her judgement?

Hancock had never thought this would be possible, the whole "baby" thing… even though he knew about donors and such, he always thought it would be too painful for Sole to consider having a family again. And with him? Of all the folks in the Commonwealth and beyond, she wanted the infamous ghoulified mayor of Goodneighbor to be a father? To her kid? He was fucking ecstatic. He didn’t quite understand why she wanted to raise a baby with him, why she thought he’d be any good at it, if she thought that. He knew he wouldn’t be the perfect fit for this kinda lifestyle; that he knew for certain, but the fact that she wanted him to try… that shit made his whole body tingle with warm gratitude from the inside out.

He would try to be calm, collected, and altogether nonchalant about the whole process in order to keep Sole relaxed. From finding the donor, to the fertilization, to the pregnancy, and all the way through to Sole going into labor, he would try to be as calm and cool as a November night. And on the outside, he'd do a damn good job, but inside? Nah, inside, this ghoul's worried sick. If anything went wrong with his sunshine, he wouldn't know what to do, he's not sure he could take a blow like that.

So, he’d try not to think too much about what could go wrong, since he knew that would only make it harder for him to be there for Sole in the way that she needed, but occasionally he’d just have those kinda days. A bad trip, a fitful night fraught with horrific dreams, a bout of horrifying overthinking as Sole uttered a pained sound from one little thing or another, or a stint of morning sickness that seemed to last just a bit too long for his liking. All of these would have the poor mayor on edge. Normally, when he was stressed, Hancock would try to chill out with some jet, or calmex, but he really was trying to give up the junkie life to the best of his irradiated abilities. It was a vicious cycle of anxiety every once in a while, but Sole was always there to help him through it. To remind him that this wasn’t her first experience with having a baby, to tell him that he was doing a wonderful job, despite his anxieties, and to remind him that they were the Sole Survivor and the Mayor of fucking Goodneighbor, and that they could face damn near anything when they were together.

Those were only the bad days though. On the good days, oh, hon... Hancock was simply blissful. Sole really is in for a treat, as she is absolutely 100% pampered and loved on, coddled and looked after for 9 months straight, and then some (minus the couple of bad days, where she has to be the one doing the coddling, but really, how could she mind?). As soon as the pair finds out that Sole really is going to have this baby, Hancock is already offering her anything she may need in order to stay safe and comfortable for the next 9 months.

Hancock’s chill personality really shines when it comes to any mood swings Sole may have, and a lifetime of chem and alcohol use has rendered the ghoul particularly skilled at cooking foods that are comforting and easy to make/eat that come in handy after bouts of morning sickness. Who knew that all of his hangover experience would come in handy like this?

While Hancock loves nothing more than going on adventures in the Commonwealth alongside his beloved, he wouldn’t say it in so many words, but would be more reluctant than usual to leave Goodneighbor or Sole’s house. When, before, he would have leapt up at the prospect of hunting down some goons and making the world a better place through some good ole fashioned violence, Hancock couldn’t think of anything worse than having Sole get injured, or potentially losing the one he loves more than anything in the world, and the possibility of a future family with her if some shit went wrong. So, while he absolutely knows she is capable and an complete beast in combat, and he recognizes that Sole can’t stay cooped up indoors for the whole 9 months, (and let’s face it, he certainly doesn’t want to either, but he’s not about to leave his love behind so he can get outta the house once in a while) he definitely steers the pair away from the areas he knows to be more sketchy than others.

Hancock just loves showing Sole off. He did this before the pregnancy as well, but man, now if anyone comes up to the pair when she starts showing, you know Hancock is already beaming as he tells the inquiring stranger just how far along she is, whether it’s a boy or a girl (if they know), or even what they think the baby’s gender is if they don’t want to know/can’t find out, how often the baby has been kicking, and he may even ask for opinions on baby names from certain kind folks who come up to chat with the parents-to-be. It’s also quite likely that he uses these passer-byes as an indirect way to further compliment Sole, saying things to them like, “Doesn’t she look gorgeous?,” “Just look at how she glows,” or “It’s just incredible how you/these ladies do this, isn’t it? Damn it if she's not the strongest person I know,” just to showcase his admiration for her. Does it sometimes result in strange looks from the strangers? Of course. Does Hancock care, or even seem to notice? Not remotely. He's too busy gawking at the love of his life and her blushing, embarrassed glory.

The mayor tends not to be rude about it unless the person ignores him, but if he notices someone smoking nearby, he will ask them to put out whatever it is, or to simply move if he and Sole were there first. In addition to that, he will make quite the lifestyle change for himself, voluntarily giving up chems to the best of his abilities so long as withdrawals don't prevent him from caring for Sole, and when he does partake, Hancock won’t do it around her, he’ll move outside or to another room. He would also offer to give up alcohol, since he knows that she won’t be able to drink with him anyway, and leave it up to her if she wants him to go cold turkey like her. Even if she doesn’t mind, he still won’t drink in excess around her during her pregnancy. It's kind of a respect thing for him, and there ain't no one he respects more than the future mother of his child.

(little bit of NSFW content here) When it comes to sex, Hancock is even more generous than usual in the bedroom (if you can believe it's possible). His every movement acts as a tribute to his appreciation for the woman he loves more than life itself. He’d be sure to be gentle, but in all honesty, Hancock wouldn’t change anything too much (no need to fix what ain't broken, ya know?). He has always paid particular attention to Sole beneath the sheets, since he’s quite experimental, and comfortable with most kinks and things himself, so he tends to let her choose positions, location, duration, and pacing, and would definitely keep it this way during the pregnancy. You think this man used to really get into body worship before, this is just a whole nuther level. As Sole puts on weight later into her pregnancy, he takes full advantage of her swelling plushness, running his hands over her body, taking the time to squeeze and palm every bit of her growing softness, constantly complimenting every bit of her as his starving eyes eat up every inch of her beauty. Especially if Sole is self-conscious about any of the changes in her body, Hancock will be sure to constantly remind her that she’s the most captivating and gorgeous person he’s ever met. No stretch mark appears on her body without being lovingly kissed, no soreness will develop without the offer of a nice, long massage (this perhaps is just another excuse to get his hands on her), no tenderness will go unnoticed and will be accounted for when his hands are roaming her body. In general, he’s as loving and doting as ever, but he's also on high alert for any signs of pain or discomfort coming from his other half.

He’d be SO excited every time the baby kicked. For some reason, the babe seems to wait until he’s around to do it, and he’s thrilled. Sole is a little weirded out by it, but she honestly takes it as a good sign. But oh man, Hancock's hands will be all up in that shit, not wanting to miss a thing as Sole smiles at him like this isn't the fourth time this has happened in one evening (does he use this as yet another excuse to touch Sole? Hmm, who knows [the answer is yes]). Sometimes he forgets to be sympathetic when Sole can't sleep due to the fluttering in her belly, but his roughened hands smoothing rhythmically over her stomach throughout the night might just help her catch a few Zzs after all.

He’s admittedly quite nervous as she approaches labor, becoming ever more protective as her belly swells to its largest point, ensuring she avoids any kinda gun fight, crazy high heights or unneeded stress, and he would be adamant about Sole sitting out any outings, missions, or other activities in the dangers of the Commonwealth. But man, would he make an environment she didn’t want to leave. Pillows, snacks, dim lighting, good conversation, music, soft touches, compliments galore, and a man who is at her constant beck and call, willing and happy to do anything and everything she might need or want? Yeah, here’s to say, Sole didn’t really want to leave anyway.

By the end of the pregnancy, Hancock has a strange mix of apprehension and denial going on. He’s used to Sole being pregnant now, he knows how to deal with everything, how to take care of her, what makes her uncomfortable and how to fix it. But a kid? An infant? He doesn’t know how babies work, doesn’t know how to tell what they want from him. He’s excited beyond belief at the thought of being a father, but he just doesn’t know how to do it. He tries to think back to his own dad, and the way that he was brought up as a kid, (though, he's not sure that's a great frame of reference given the way he turned out) and definitely goes off of Sole’s judgement, but he can’t shake the feeling that he was never meant for this. To settle down and have a family. He isn’t his dad, he’s Hancock. He’s not a “family man,” not a picturesque pre-war looking man with a normal job and a cookie-cutter backstory; he’s a self-made ghoul, a junkie, a deadbeat whose earned his position of power by bathing in the blood of tyrants who died by his own hand, and shooting his veins up with every kinda poison the wastes have to offer. How do you explain that to a kid? That he made himself the way he is, cuz he couldn’t stand the man he’d grown up to be? What the hell kinda example is that? He wouldn't doubt for a second that his baby would be the center of his world from the moment he sees it, but if anything, that only ups the anxiety that he'll do something to mess the kid up. Hancock would be nervous as shit, but if Sole had confidence in him, well… he trusts her judgement more than he does his own, so if she thinks he’s "daddy" material, he ain’t gonna argue with that. All he can do is hope she’s right, follow her lead, take it one day at a time, and hope that him trying his absolute hardest will be enough.

#fallout #fallout companions #fallout companions reactions #fallout companions reacts #fo4 #fallout 4 headcanons #fallout 4 companions reactions #fallout 4 companions #fallout 4 companions reacts #fo4 companions #fo4 headcanons #fo4 hancock #fallout hancock #john hancock #hancock fo4 #hancock x sole survivor #pregnant sole survivor #f!sole

[eternally-writing]

chain reaction 02 | jjk

genre: fluff and angst 

rating: PG 

pairing: Jungkook x reader

theme: college!au , enemies to lovers, series 

word count: 4.6k

warnings: light swearing

synopsis: A semester with your mortal enemy, Jeon Jungkook, as your lab partner was bound to be an experience to remember. 

banner by me!

read part 1 here! 

 If you want to be tagged in future parts, send me an ask! 

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

When you had imagined what Jeon Jungkook’s apartment would look like, you had definitely thought it would look something like an evil lair (except messy, because Jungkook definitely struck you as the messy type). 

However, upon stepping into his surprisingly well-finished apartment, you found the exact opposite case. Before this, you had planned to make a ton of jokes based on whatever you would find in Jungkook’s apartment. And the truth was, you still could. 

Jeon Jungkook was an absolute neat freak. You watched the way he subtly shuddered as a fleck of dirt from your shoes travelled off of his doormat and you took note of how his kitchen counter was so clean you could probably eat directly off of it (which was especially rare from someone in college). If he had a roommate, there was no trace of him right now, as the apartment pretty much looked like a showhome.

“I didn’t know you were such a clean freak, Jeon,” you said with a smirk.

For the first time, you saw Jeon Jungkook look the slightest bit timid. 

“I like to keep things tidy, I guess,” he said while rubbing the back of his neck with his right hand. 

He gestured for you to enter his quaint but somehow spacious living room as he sped to the kitchen to grab you a glass of water (he may not like you, but he’d be damned by his mother if she found out he let a guest into his place without giving them a beverage).

You had a very clear game plan when it came to entering Jeon Jungkook’s apartment: Enter. Talk about the project (and nothing else). Grab the chemistry notes from the class you missed on Monday. Leave. 

It definitely seemed like an easy peasy 4 step plan  -  except that all seemed to flow out the window once you saw the photo Jungkook kept on his coffee table. From what you could decipher, it looked like a high school aged Jungkook in a music studio, right in front of the mic, with some of his friends around him. You had never seen Jungkook smile as big as he was in that picture, and it even managed to pull at your heartstrings.

Before you could open your mouth to ask about it, Jungkook had already come over to you and slammed the picture to be face down on the table, leaving smiley high school Jungkook out of sight. 

“An invitation into my apartment isn’t an invitation into my private life, Y/N. Don’t get it twisted.” he said coldly, dropping the glass of water hashly onto a coaster by the picture frame. 

To be fair, you kind of deserved that (and looking into Jungkook’s personal life definitely wasn’t part of your 4 step plan to seeing him today), but he didn’t have to be that mean.  As a peace offering you moved as far away from the photo frame as you could.

“Let’s just get this over with, Jeon. I have a pilates class in an hour on the other side of campus.”

Now Jungkook couldn't pass up that opportunity to make a joke. 

“Pilates, mmm.”  He let out an overexaggerated moan to make his point. 

“ Think you can slip my number to the hot girls there Y/N,” said Jungkook with a smirk. 

“In your dreams Jeon. You’re lucky if any girls will still want your number if you fail organic chemistry, which is what you’re going to do if we don’t work on this project.”

“I think you’re forgetting Y/N.” he said as he bent down, bringing his lips to your ear - “if I go down I’m taking you with me sunshine”. 

Ignoring how his close proximity to you was making your heart race (it was probably due to anger, right??), you jumped away from him and pulled out your macbook.

“Our group contract is due tomorrow so let’s just finish that up and then I’ll be out of your hair okay?” you said with an air of desperation and potentially sexual frustration.

For the most part, you and Jungkook worked in silence besides the occasional sound of you typing or clearing your throat. Looking at the live google doc in front of you and the progress you both were making, you were starting to think that working with Jungkook might not be the worst thing in the world. 

Jeon Jungkook and Y/N L/N : CHEM 251 LAB PRESENTATION CONTRACT

Topic - Green Chemistry 

1. Answer all communication from your partner (emails, messages) within 24 hours

2. Complete all portions of assignments at least 1 day before it is due. 

3. Any changes to your availability should be communicated to your partner. 

4. Y/N will handle the background literature and introduction of the presentation. 

5. Jungkook will look for future applications of Green Chemistry and direct applications of course material in the field of Green Chemistry. 

6. Don’t fall in love with your partner. 

As soon as you saw Jungkook type the last point on the document, you glared at him beside you on the couch. 

“Seriously Jeon? I forgot you have the mindset of a 13 year old boy,” you muttered as he looked at you cockily. 

You took a deep breath as your internal monologue started to run: 

Okay, Y/N. you’re not here to let Jeon Jungkook mess with you. 3 strikes and you’re out of here - there’s no reason to need to keep up with his bullshit (especially since at least the first part of your project was over).

Jungkook had then had to add more rules to your group contract. 

7. Y/N will give out Jungkook’s number to any hot girl at her pilates class. 

You groaned and hastily deleted off the document. 

That was strike 1 for Jungkook. 3 strikes and he’s out. 

Jungkook was still relentless in his attacks. 

“Seriously though Y/N, do you really not think I’m attractive at all? You really don’t want a piece of this?,” he said as he wiggled his eyebrows and gestured to his body all too suggestively. 

“Cut it out Jeon, I’m not dealing with your shit today,” you hissed, your eyes shooting metaphorical lasers into Jungkook. 

Strike 2: He’s getting close. 

“C’mon Y/N, what’s the chance that you’ll ever be able to bag someone as hot as me. I mean, look at me and look at you!”

Strike 3: you were DONE  with Jeon Jungkook today.

Not even stopping to put on your shoes fully, you took one last glance back at him before you walked out the door. 

“Fuck you, Jeon Jungkook.”

The glass of water he got you sat untouched on his coffee table, drops of water spilling onto the photo frame beside it due to his apartment shaking from you slamming his door.

Mirroring the new droplets on his coffee table, you found tears starting to drop across your face as well. 

--♡--

Even though you loved your chemistry lecture, you’re not sure why chemistry labs had such a bad vibe to you. The most obvious explanation for this would be having Jeon Jungkook as a lab partner (especially after your last meeting, the situation speaks for itself). But what could be is probably at least part of the reason is because of what happened in your first year 8AM chem lab. After getting through a grueling 3 hour titration (that you messed up and got no results for in the end), you walked back to your dorm to find your (now ex) boyfriend Jimin in bed with your roommate, Soomi. 

Needless to stay you left that day with one less friend, no boyfriend (and you had also gotten 16/30 on that lab… yikes), so chemistry labs did leave a little bit of a bad taste in your mouth. 

It had been months since that incident, but even after getting a new lease and cutting any ties you remotely had to Jimin, you still carried the insecurity that Jimin instilled in you by cheating on you with someone who you thought of as a sister. 

You had yet to run into Jimin against post-breakup, and had managed to successfully avoid him, until now.

“Y/N?” 

You knew that voice all too well. Turning around, you were met with the sight of your ex, Jimin. As if that wasn’t bad enough, as you looked him over you noticed your old roommate, Soomi, hanging off of his arm. You had no clue that they were still together (you had lost all contact with anyone remotely related to Jimin), and somehow seeing them together hurt you even more. 

Jimin looked even prettier than you had last remembered him; his prince-like hair shone in the afternoon sun, his charming smile seemed even brighter. Knowing Jimin was still with Soomi made you feel that he didn’t even feel a pang of regret for cheating on you, like he didn’t need to take some time by himself to reflect (like you definitely did) or stop to grieve your relationship. From your point of view, it seemed like you never even mattered to Jimin. 

You suddenly felt self conscious of everything under the judgmental gazes of Jimin and Soomi. Those baby hairs that you didn’t bother to pin down with a bobby pin this morning now felt like they were sticking straight out of your head and the pimple that was poking through your concealer on your forehead suddenly felt like a volcano. In your mind, compared to Soomi, you looked like a hot mess.

Your brain was on autopilot for all the small-talk you made with the two of them, and you didn’t snap out of your trance until you heard these words from Jimin. 

“I only wish the best for you Y/N”

You internally scoffed at this statement. Who the fuck was Park Jimin to say that he “wishes the best for you”. You took months to get over him and the hurtful words he said to you. Every mean comment and snarky comparisons he made to you felt like it was tattooed onto your skin and stuck with you forever. But now he was standing in front of you like nothing was wrong?

In a different world, you probably would’ve slapped Jimin across the face. But instead you rose above like your mom taught you to. 

“You as well Jimin.” you said courtly with a nod, trying to stop the tears that were pricking at your eyes from escaping your tear ducts. 

After receiving a small nod from Jimin as a response, you turned around as if you had somewhere to be (in reality, you didn’t have class for another 2 hours).

Getting as far away from Jimin was all you could think about at the moment, and you moved as far as your legs could take you in whatever direction you thought would take you out of your college’s quad, even as the tears falling from your eyes blurred your vision.

You didn’t know how to feel. You had imagined what seeing Jimin for the first time after the break up would look like; maybe he would grovel at his knees and beg to have you back (it’s not that you wanted to date him again or that you had feelings for him, but it would feel nice to feel wanted), maybe you would just throw a drink in his face and walk away like a bad bitch, maybe you could’ve flashed a new boyfriend in front of his face. 

All of a sudden your phone started to ring.  Your first fear (and somewhat hope) was that it would be Jimin calling you, but little did you know that it was something so much worse.

Incoming Call: Jeon Boy 

“as if this day couldn’t get any worse,” you thought to yourself as you pressed decline. You had yet to talk to Jungkook since that day at his apartment (you didn’t even call to congratulate him on his 

Incoming Call: Jeon Boy 

You groaned and hit the decline but at the speed of lightning again.

Incoming Call: Jeon Boy

Seriously, could this guy not take a hint? You were tempted to turn your phone off all together, but settled for hitting the decline button again.

Incoming Call: Jeon Boy

You realized that for whatever reason, Jungkook was not giving up, so you either had to answer him or listen to your ringtone of “Love Killa” by Monday X play every 10 seconds. Praying that your voice wouldn’t betray you, you took a deep (albeit shaky) breath and tried your best to wipe your tears before clicking “answer”.

“Look Jeon, I’m - uh - sorry but I really can’t do this right now okay? I’ll call you later.” you choked out, your voice obviously wavering as you tried to be as professional as possible. 

Before you could press the “end call button” you heard Jungkook’s concerned voice through the speakers.

“Y/N, wait, you don’t sound too good. Are you okay?”

Ah yes, “are you okay” - probably the most loaded question a person could ever ask. 

You probably could’ve kept it together if he had asked any other question, but his “are you ok” truly pulled at your heartstrings.

You felt your chest tightening but you tried your best to help the feeling subside. You had yet to show weakness about how Jimin had affected you to anyone, and you sure as hell weren’t going to start with Jeon Jungkook. Clutching at your chest and taking a few deep breaths in an effort to calm your racing heart, you continued on. 

“Is that genuine concern I’m hearing from you Jeon? Be careful, you’re losing your bad boy persona,” you said as you tried to make a joke to distract him. 

“Y/N, no. I’m serious. are. you. okay.”

You couldn’t handle it anymore. Sobs broke free from your chest and you heaved into the phone, your whimpers and whines striking Jungkook on the other side of the phone. 

“I, I can’t- I just-“

The words barely broke through your sobs. Your chest was tightening and you could barely hear Jungkook through the ringing in your ears. 

“Y/N where are you, I’m coming’” said Jungkook. You could hear the jingling of his car keys and the rustling of him putting on shoes. 

As if mother nature felt your pain, the rain started pouring down on you at the same time.

You barely got out any more words to Jungkook,  but he didn’t hang up on you. He just kept whispering comforting phrases, trying to calm you down from afar as you could hear his car engine roaring in the background (in another world, you definitely would’ve yelled at him for using his phone while driving). You barely even registered that Jungkook was there at all. Every memory of you and Jimin seemed to reopen like a fresh wound, and you couldn’t feel anything except the pain. All you could do was sit on a random curb by the edge of campus, your wails probably reaching the sorority houses nearby. 

You felt broken. The sound of the thunder overhead mixed with your cries as the rain pelted you, soaking your thin sweatshirt. You don’t know how much time passed there. In your head, it felt like time was frozen, while for Jungkook it felt like he was wasting hours zooming through campus (he truly was zooming - a month later he found out that he had accumulated 3 speeding tickets trying to find you, but he would never tell you that).

“Oh, sunshine,” he murmured, voice laced with pity and concern as he pulled over his car on the curb in front of you. 

You and Jungkook hadn’t even said a word to each other since the feud at his apartment, and you had absolutely zero clue how he even managed to figure out where you were through your jumbled phone call. But all you knew is that right now you needed him. You needed someone to give you a bit of comfort, and Jungkook was somehow here to do that for you. Despite everything between you twom you couldn’t hide the feeling of relief that ran through your body as you looked up and saw Jungkook in front of you.

Coming to your side, Jungkook crouched beside you. 

“Jungkook”, you wept as he pulled you into his chest. It was probably one of the first times you had actually addressed him by his first name, which came as a surprise to him. 

Holding you closer, Jungkook couldn’t help but feel protective over you. He couldn’t help but hurt with you as he saw your fragile figure shaking in his arms. 

“You’re gonna be okay now Y/N, okay? I’m here. I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere.”  

And in that moment, on a dirty curbside off campus, you weren’t Jeon boy and little miss sunshine,  mortal enemies and chemistry lab partners. Instead, you were just Jeon Jungkook and Y/N., and nothing else seemed to matter at the moment.

--♡--

To your surprise (and the surprise of anyone else who knows you), you and Jungkook had not been stepping on each other’s toes as much. What had started out as extreme, extreme dislike had turned into a mild dislike (maybe even a very slight enjoyment of his presence, although you weren't about to admit that anytime soon). And of course, you both refuse to acknowledge the “Jimin incident” that had occurred a week ago and you both refuse to believe that it may have had something to do with you and Jungkook not hating each other. Your emails stopped being signed off with “do your part Jeon, or else” and instead now usually started with “Hey Jeon!” and “Thanks, Y/N”

That brought you here, in your apartment on a Friday night, eating old pizza in an old sweatshirt, no bra, and some comfy shorts that had definitely been through the wash one too many times. Researching for your chemistry project, you chuckled at how much of a londer you would look to an outsider. Sending off the articles you found on Green Chemistry to Jungkook, you closed out the email with some casual pleasantries and then turned to continue rewatching episodes of your favourite kdrama. You definitely weren’t expecting a response from Jungkook until Monday. You were sure that someone like him was at a frat party (was he even in a frat? You had no idea). Either way, Jungkook probably was lounging around in some party house with like 6 girls on his arms, while you were doing quite the opposite. 

Surprisingly, Jungkook was actually doing quite a similar thing to you. Instead of watching kdramas, he was watching Iron Man (for what was probably the 50th time), and was huddled under a makeship blanket fort like a child and scrolling through reddit. Don’t be mistaken though, Jeon Jungkook was definitely a partier, but he also knew when he needed to give his head (and liver) a break.

He saw his phone chime with a gmail notification. He took a brief scroll through the articles you had sent over to him (those were definitely work for another day since there was no way he could digest academic jargon without at least 3 cups of coffee in him), but he was pleasantly surprised with what you had come up with. 

At the same time, the Facebook tab he had open on his Macbook also lit up. 

It’s Y/N L/N’s birthday today! Leave a message on her wall to celebrate!

Jungkook’s jaw dropped. 

It was your birthday and you were sending him chemistry research papers?? Jungkook chuckled because he could already think of 1000 bad jokes to make fun of you, but he also felt some other feeling that he couldn’t quite place.  

Jungkook’s mother had always taught him that it was important to celebrate birthdays, and that is was bad luck that it was  He wasn’t sure if it was just a farce that his mother had come up with to make sure that he still attended those family-wide facetime birthday celebrations once he went to college, but either way, he still believed it to some extent. 

He had no clue why he was doing this, or how he even got here, but somehow Jungkook found himself in sweatpants and a hoodie in front of your apartment door at 10pm on a Friday night, cake in tow in one hand, his other hand out ready to knock on your door. 

On the other side of the door, you were equally astonished. It almost felt like you were seeing a hallucination, as if your email to Jungkook had somehow summoned him to your door. You couldn’t help but rub your eyes in disbelief, just to make sure he was actually there. 

“Jungkook?”

Bashful Jungkook seemed to make an appearance again as he tapped his feet in anxiety. And before he could stop himself, words were already tumbling from his mouth”

“Happy birthday?” he said as a question , posing it as if he didn’t know whether facebook was just playing a prank on him (which he honestly didn’t know). “Can I come in?”

You didn’t even really know how to process this situation, but all you could mutter was a “uh, thank you?” in a similar inquirable tone and gesture for him to step into your apartment. If Jeon Jungkook showed up at your door at 10pm on a Friday night, he probably deserved to be heard out.

“You can make yourself comfortable on the couch. Sorry, I wasn’t expecting company otherwise I would have cleaned up a bit.”  You were sure that Jungkook’s neat freak brain was probably frying itself into overdrive based on the empty now-empty pizza box sitting on your coffee table and stray utensils and crumbs on your kitchen counter. You felt a little embarrassed that he had to see this.

Mirroring Jungkook’s hospitality last time you were at his place, you brought him a glass of water and hoped that this evening would go a LOT better than the last time you and Jungkook were alone together in an apartment. 

Jungkook’s cake was still held in his hands. It was a little cake from the 24/7 cafe on campus; he could only find one that said “happy” with little sunflowers and smiles, so hopefully the “birthday” part of it was implied. 

“I, um, I brought cake - for you. I mean your birthday.”

You sat down across from him. 

“Oh you didn’t have to Jungkook, uh that’s really nice but you didn’t have to do that,” you said as you leaned further away from the cake, as if it was an item that scared you. “I’m not big on birthdays anyways, just usually me chilling in my apartment!” 

However, Jungkook was not planning on taking no as an answer. He tried his best to plead with you, but was still getting nowhere. 

“you… you have to do it for my mom!” he said as he thrust the cake even closer to your face. 

You tilted your head in confusion at his statement. 

“I mean uh-, my mom says that it’s bad luck if you don’t blow out candles on cake on your birthday and that if you don’t do it then you won’t live to your next birthday. And um- i know we’re not friends Y/N but I’d rather see you alive next year”.

 Jungkook tried to look as nonchalant and cool as possible, and when he realized his statement was a little too thoughtful he followed it up with a “i mean you could do whatever you want i don’t care it doesn’t matter to me”. 

You were beginning to like this side of Jungkook, the one that was more thoughtful than he was a selfish, inconsiderate dude.

Taking the cake softly from his hands, you muttered a soft “thank you”. At this point Jungkook didn’t know whether you took it from his hands to throw it on the ground or actually use it for its intended purpose. As you leaned over to grab the lighter by your candles on your coffee table, Jungkook let out a breath of relief. 

Throwing open the cake box, you lit the candle in the cake and stared patiently in front of it. 

“Well Jungkook, I believe if I am going to be blowing out candles there should be singing too, no?” You joked with a silly smile on your face. 

Knowing he had no way out of this (and to be honest, he secretly wanted to anyways), he began to sing. 

You had never heard a more beautiful rendition of happy birthday in your life. Jungkook turned the most mundane song, one that you didn’t have many happy memories with, into a tune that made your heart start to swell with joy. You wished the song was longer, because as he stopped to sing you wanted nothing more than for him to keep going. 

“Make a wish, Y/N” , he whispered. 

You didn’t know what to wish for. There were a lot of things that needed to be fixed in the world, and lots of things that you needed too (like a new toothbrush, or the experience of true love). It seemed fitting that since you were only blowing out these candles because of Jungkook, you should at least dedicate the wish to him. So all you wished for was for you and Jungkook to get along just like you were in this moment. 

You looked up at Jungkook from the cake, and from there all you could say was a sincere “thank you”.

The moment was all too sincere, and you and Jungkook could feel the atmosphere shift to one that was all too intimate and friendly for your relationship. As moving away from a hot flame, you both picked up your phones and mumbled excuses to move away from the situation. 

Jungkook was the first to break the ice again. 

“I don’t know how good this cake is going to be, the expiry date was at least a week and a half ago”

“Well Jeon Jungkook, if you brought an expired cake into my apartment, it feels like a right of passage that you have to try this cake with me.”

You couldn’t stop yourself from picking up a piece of cake on a fork and shoving it into his mouth. Immediately, his face scrounged up in disgust, and you could pretty much see him gag. 

“That cream is… very creamy to stay the least,” he said as he thickly swallowed it down, grimacing the whole time. 

His expression made you chuckle. There was something about the way his naturally fluffy hair seemed to move as he swayed like a piece of seaweed on your couch (a mannerism that you had picked up on quite quickly), that made you feel warm inside.

“Considering me sacrificing myself to this cake as a birthday present to you, Y/N” 

The laugh that bubbled out of your chest almost made that gross cake worth it to Jungkook. And some words of sincerity slipped out before you could hold them in. 

“Best birthday present ever, Jungkook, thank you.

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

Taglist: @apollukee , @mrcleanheichou , @monvieesdaebak 

If you want to be tagged, please send me an ask! 

 If you liked what you read, please interact/follow! Thank you for reading♡

- Emily

#bangtaninn #kwritersworldnet #btsghostie #thebtswritersclub #btscreatorscorner #jungkook fic #btsfic #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #bts x reader #armywriterssupport #bts x you #jungkoook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook #jungkook imagine #bts imagine #bts scenario #bts fanfic #bangtan sonyeondan #bts #jungkook fanfic #jeon jungkook #jungkook scenario #bts college au

[cno-inbminor]

a/n: drabble dump for our boy kuroo -- i love him loads and think about him endlessly. i also apologize beforehand for the awkward ending bc i’m terrible at ending things. hope you all enjoy! gonna go knock back a melatonin and sleep my wooziness away

w/c: ~2.4k; some angst, fluff, mentions of alcohol

you’re avoiding tetsurou, and he’s keen on figuring out why. college!au, friends to lovers.

“you’re not as slick as you think, y’know.”

instantly, a shiver creeps up your spine, electrifying you in quick, tiny bursts. those eight, nine words were more than enough to let you know who was standing behind you, peering over your shoulder in an effort to catch your gaze. his voice made your heart clench and lungs fight for oxygen – you begin to curse the high, intellectual level of tetsurou’s observational skills. you just wanted to make it another day without seeing his face outside of class, opting more for longer walks and just looking back to see the back of his stylishly mussed hair in the far distance. it frustrates you how much you’ve used the word ‘infuriating’ when it comes to him, but there’s no other better word you can think of without having to consult the thesaurus.

you have a few seconds to dart your eyes around, desperately searching for a way to escape. your productivity typically thrives within the library, but he’s always there, so with lots of pleading and promises of baked goods and decent coffee, you were able to borrow a close friend’s ID, a graduate student, and access the graduate resource room in a less traveled hallway. and in the expanse of that area, you’ve tucked yourself away into the back corner behind some shelves where almost no one visits. but it leaves you cornered and vulnerable – no matter which direction, in combination with his long legs, tetsurou would catch up to you in a heartbeat. you thought you had finally found a way to permanently escape his grasp, but apparently not.

much like you, he’s not supposed to be able to access this area. after all, you’re both senior undergrads so –

“how did you get in here?” you quietly hiss. you’re pretty sure you’d be booted out if you made any sound above 15 decibels, and you’re not about to let tetsurou ruin this haven for you.

there’s a rustle of clothing, a hand that rests on the back of your seat, and the hairs on the nape of your neck spike, before a delicate whisper informs, “you’re not the only one with grad student friends, love.”

if you weren’t so focused on keeping yourself rigid, body absolutely understanding of the effect that this man has on you, you definitely would’ve shivered from the proximity. but the gentleness in his tone sends you back to three weeks ago – you’re no longer under a fluorescent light tucked between cream-colored walls, but rather basked in a somewhat garish hue of crimson. your veins were tinged with alcohol, the substance leaving you feeling like you were on clouds, a silly smile breaking across your face uncontrollably. other bodies surrounded you but the only one you were focused on was the one in front of you, following your swaying movements to the beat of the music coming through someone’s speakers. even in the warmth of the house, tetsurou’s hands on your waist seared your skin, branding the feeling on you for eternity. his eyes twinkled with apparent affection, unbridled and screaming at you for you to understand the line he wanted to so desperately cross, that the alcohol pushed it behind his efforts to deny himself the one thing he’s been searching for in all these years.  

“i’m a little drunk, but fuck, you have no idea how bad i wanna kiss you,” he had murmured just loud enough into your ear, then ghosting his lips over the shell of it. everything around you dissolved into a blur as you could only focus on his breaths and the tightening of his grasp on you. his confession wasn’t completely unwarranted – not at all.

tetsurou and you had met in the quantitative analysis lab freshman year, having been assigned as partners for the semester just by how the ta’s drew the seating chart. he was a friendly, kind soul – had saved your ass multiple times from overshooting your titrations, prevented multiple beakers and graduated cylinders from falling over, always down to compare numbers to help ensure that neither of you were fucking up too hard.

coincidentally, the two of you were registered to the same ochem lab the next year and immediately gravitated towards each other, grateful to find some familiarity in all the anxiety. he witnessed your breakdown mid-lab, did his best to comfort you and salvage your sample so there was enough for recrystallization because you somehow got landed with a shitty, leaking separatory funnel, and stayed back with you when you had fallen behind in the cleanup process. from then on, it was a weekly habit to study together and work on your lab journals and reports together, not taking long to become close friends.

tetsurou did his best to keep his growing feelings at bay, knowing that you had explicitly mentioned swearing off relationships as you tried to figure out your future first. he wasn’t oblivious enough to think that you didn’t feel anything for him whatsoever – you were stubborn and tenacious at best. the house party at miya atsumu’s was simply a suggestion for the both of you to relax after a brutal midterm in your inorganic chemistry course, to let loose and treat yourself. he really hadn’t meant to say what he said, but just looked so good, so lovely and beautiful and enthralling, and you were looking at him like he hung the stars and moon in the sky – he knows he’s sent that same look to you multiple times when you weren’t looking, completely sober and unfazed.

he couldn’t stop himself from leaning close into you that night and you hadn’t stopped in – he knows he should’ve resisted, but feeling your soft lips against his was easily one of the top ten highlights of his college career, and his love for you only surged beyond his hold, overwhelming him to the point where all he could think about was nothing but holding your cheek in the palm of his hand so he could get a better angle and let himself indulge just this once.

that’s all it was – kissing and kissing in the middle of the makeshift dancefloor until there was no more oxygen left in either of your lungs. like a decent human being, he dropped you off at your apartment and bid you goodnight, hoping that you wouldn’t forget all the events that had transpired. and maybe, just maybe, he wished that you would let it happen again, that you could make him the exception in your plans.

evidently, you did remember it, because suddenly your responses to his texts were delayed and dry. you were picking up extra shifts, showing up to class at the very last minute, and leaving as soon as the professor dismissed you, allowing practically no room for him to make small talk. and while he would usually pass you in the halls of the chem building at some point, you were always too far from him and scurrying away in a different direction. tetsurou did his best to give you your space, but the less he saw of you, the more nervous and frustrated he grew. there was a wrench thrown into his daily routine, and your presence had always managed to bring some peace to him. so when he realized that you had truly abandoned your usual study spot in the library a week and a half later, he set himself on a mission to find out exactly where you were hiding.

it honestly had been sheer luck that he saw your figure ducking around into a hallway he’s never bothered to go down, and by the time he caught up, the door to the graduate resource room had just closed on your and there was no way he could get in without some help. luckily, his mentor who had stayed at the university for their phd was pretty nonchalant about letting him borrow it for a few days, preferring to study at home or in a coffee shop off-campus themselves.

he knew that since you were hiding, you were probably going to be in the most inconspicuous spot possible. so while there was some time dedicated to navigating the new maze of an area, he immediately felt a sense of relief when he saw your back hunched over your notes, hair tied up into a messy bun, and your laptop open with a spotify playlist.

after you’re done reminiscing, you begin to pack your stuff up, opting to just nor respond to tetsurou and ignoring the pleasant sensation that his term of endearment for you brought. he pulls back and stands straight to give you some room, but the tapping of his foot against the tile floor speaks to his blooming agitation at your silence. you’re still wordless as you weave between the shelves to the exit, knowing that the man plaguing your dreams is not far behind. the game of ‘follow the leader’ (or is it ‘cat and mouse’?) continues until you both have exited the main door, and right before you can walk down the granite steps, tetsurou seizes the opportunity to run ahead of you and stand in your way.

“tetsu, please,” you sigh, avoiding his piercing stare by fiddling with the sleeves of your jacket. “is there something you need?”

“you can’t play coy with me,” he chastises, bending down slightly in hopes that you’ll finally look at him. “you know why i’m here.”

it’s a bad habit of yours to nibble on the inside of your lips when you’re searching for the right things to say. tetsurou only picked up on it just last year – the action itself is very subtle to the outside viewer, and he hadn’t been paying close enough attention back then. “don’t bullshit me right now.”

“do we have to do this now?” you whine a bit.

“yes, or else i’m never gonna get you to talk to me. come on, you don’t do this, love.”

“what do you mean?”

“you’re running away. that’s pretty cowardly, don’t you think? you’ve had 3 weeks—”

you start to walk forward and around his tall, lanky figure. “i’m not humoring you with this—”

“with what—”

“—you’re doing that provoking thing, you’re trying to get me to think that i’m wrong in avoiding you—”

“so you have been avoiding me—”

“i said not now!” you protest in a raised voice, path once again blocked. tears of frustration are beginning to build in the corners of your eyes, and you’re cursing yourself for feeling so weak in this moment. part of you wants nothing more than to run into his arms.

it’s dead quiet for a few seconds – the ambient noise of the wind and the occasional passing car this late at night fail to make themselves known over the pounding of blood in your ears. only tetsurou’s first knuckle underneath your chin to raise you up grounds you, and you can no longer avoid his gaze. small crests of guilt wash over you as you recognize the uncharacteristic brokenness in his eyes – the last three weeks must’ve been much harder on him than you thought.

“just hear me out for a few minutes, okay? you can make your decision then.”

he takes your nod as a signal to continue, but also softening a bit at how nervous you look.

“i’m in love with you,” he softly confesses, a smile of defeat gracing his complexion. “and i have been for a while. i don’t think i’m bullshitting when i say i think you feel something for me, too, but i knew it wasn’t in your plans. didn’t wanna push or force you into making a decision when you weren’t ready. so i held back – but i couldn’t help it at the party, and…i’m sorry, love. i really am.”

tetsurou doesn’t miss the flash of hurt that crosses your eyes. “so does that mean you regret it?” you bite out, nails clenching and digging into the fabric of your jacket sleeves. he shakes his head.

“i don’t regret kissing you at all – it’s all i’ve wanted to do for the last two and a half years. but i’m just sorry that i did it without your explicit, sober permission. i went against your wishes in a time of vulnerability, and that’s pretty shitty of me – i’m not gonna excuse myself either just because i was a little drunk, so i hope you’re able to forgive me.”

he watches you sniffle and fight the grin that’s trying to creep across your face. “someone had their shot of respect women juice this morning, didn’t they?” you chokingly tease.

“five shots directly injected into my veins, every morning,” he jokes back, thumb sweeping over to catch your falling tears. “but i mean it though – i’m really sorry.”

“you’re forgiven, and i appreciate that more than you know. but if i’m being honest…it was something i’ve wanted to do for a while, too. i was just really scared because it was so unexpected and i wasn’t sure if i was ready for our relationship to change, or like if i would be emotionally available enough for you, y’know?” you blubber, hand reaching up to rest against his on your cheek.

“hey—”

“i really want this to work out.” tetsurou can hear your voice shake, and he’s sure you’re almost trembling. “you’re one of my best friends – i can’t lose you, tetsu. and what about grad school? what if we end up too far away from each other and video calls aren’t enough? what if you get tired of me or—”

“i know you hate it when i interrupt, but honestly (y/n), you couldn’t get rid of me if you tried. i’m gonna do everything i can to make this work, too, mmk?”

“okay,” you whisper. “okay.”

his thumb gently sweeps back and forth against your cheek for a little bit before speaking up again. “not to ruin the moment, but do i have permission to kiss you now?” his eyes shine despite the midnight sky, and you can’t help the small chuckle that leaves your chest.

tetsurou swears up and down that your kiss in response is much, much sweeter than the one at the party, and he can’t wait to see what the future holds for you two.

#kuroo x reader #haikyuu!! #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo tetsurou x reader #hq #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu angst #haikyuu kuroo #kuroo angst #i fully stan the fact that kuroo is highly respectful of anyone and especially women #no one can fight me on this #stay hydrated and get good quality sleep and eat some nutritious food and take your meds!!!

[thoi2020]

u have advanced??????? wow. tips to qualify mains please??? help me with my modules.how do i solve them?????????

hnnng idk bestie here's some short tips n like if u want something more specific u can send another ask or dm me?

pay attention in class. sit in the front. listen out for what things the teacher puts an emphasis on. ask questions. yes, even the stupid ones. especially the stupid ones bc those are fundamentals u cannot miss bc a shaky foundation leads to a shaky building. also pay attention to ur teachers. theyve been doing this since before u even knew about jee they know what theyre doing. most of them want whats best for u, and if not specifically that, whats best for them n their institute which are usually similar things. im not saying blindly trust them without criticism but have some faith. dont dismiss them they prolly know better than u. if id followed my teachers instructions i prolly wouldnt have had to drop (but thats a discussion for another day lol).

revise notes on a regular basis. like. the day u studied it in class. then the next day. then a week later. then 2 weeks later. then a month later. google the curve of forgetting for more accurate time stamps. use flashcards for formulae n stuff that u have to memorise like inorganic chem.

analyse past papers. recognise the most important topics. but also there are some small chapters that are quite easy and some people skip them thinking there wont be any questions from them. ive given 4 papers of mains, and i can confirm that is utter bullshit. 1 question each from units and measurements, mathematical reasoning, stats, chemistry in everyday life, polymers, are guaranteed. u can easily secure at least those marks by spending just a little bit of time on them. esp for jee mains its relatively better to cover a wide range of topics with medium depth instead of just some but with deep understanding (the latter works well for advanced tho).

make a friend or two whos in the same boat as u, preparing for jee n try to keep each other accountable. tell each other everyday what ure going to study that day n then check back the next day. remind each other hlep each other out. also be friendly with the class toppers sometimes they can solve ur doubts better than teachers just bc something they explain clicks better. whenever i get confused about logarithms i think back to what my 9th grade classmate told me when i asked him to explain in 1 sentence n had him repeat it slowly to me multiple times. its burned in my memory and helped me so much. 

practice tests. set the proper 3 hour limit and solve them. be honest w urself ure doing this for u. no point scoring 256/300 to impress ur teacher if u cheated bc on the day of the exam ure going to be screwed. in the beginning try out different strategies, different ones work for different ppl. like for me, math is my favourite and i find it easier than the other 2 so i do it first and it gives me confidence. then i move on to physics and then chem. some people look over the entire paper n solve the easiest from every section first, then the medium ones, then the tough ones. experiment in ur practice tests n figure out whats best for u n ur test taking. after the test, analyse. see what u got wrong, why u got it wrong. clarify doubts. mark problem questions to revise and solve again later. no point in solving more n more questions if theres no retention or learning.

for solving books specifically under the cut bc this is getting too long lol:

stick to 1 or 2 books max per subject. make them ur holy books and swear by them. if ure doing coaching then the modules provided by them are a very good option bc theyre specifically for jee and will cover what u need. coaching teachers will have a lot of experience with them too so u'll have an easy time with doubts clarification. if u choose other books tho, still consult with ur teacher and ask them to tell u what's relevant and what isnt and dont waste ur time on whats not. it might make u look or feel smarter to be solving questions on stuff thats beyond the scope of the exam but u literally dont need it and the syllabus is already very vast so ure just going to waste time and brainspace. like sure if ure interested study it in ur own time but dont make it an Important Must Do thing.

ok now that u have ur book with everything relevant to jee, make sure u devour them. study the theory alongside ur class notes. solve a few questions of corresponding topics the day they are covered so u dont have so many questions lined up at the end of the chapter. like if i studied friction in newton's laws of motion today, i'll solve the questions relevant to friction today itself. or u know this week. like,, keep it current. then while solving, speak out loud and explain the problem to urself like ure teaching someone else (or better yet, find someone to teach them to. stuffed toys, younger siblings, ur classmate, grandparents, online friend, whichever works). mark all the questions that took u longer than 5 mins or u cant solve at all. dog ear the pages. try them again the next day. then again a few days later. take the ones u still cant solve to ur teacher. try n ask for just a hint once and try again. and then if u cant then ask for the solution. DO NOT go on the internet. ur brain doesnt have to work for it then n u think u got it but u dont got it. make ur brain work for the solution so it'll remember. 

now that uve given a good shot to every question and figured out where u stumble. analyse a bit. find a pattern if theres any: like a certain concept that is weak or something ure not understanding. read the theory for it if u have to n ask questions to clarify. then solve these problem questions again and again until u know every question well enough to be able to explain to someone. skip over the easy ones u dont gotta do them again n again, focus on the ones u stumbled on. theyre the weak spots. no use strengthening whats already strong enough.

and uh keep a notebook of the solutions of the questions u solve so that u dont have to go crazy searching for them in an emergency. like ur paper is tomorrow and u cant figure out this question that uve been trying for 1 hour then its a good time to review ur previous solution and refresh ur memory. often if uve practiced enough n its just exam stress etc thats making ur mind go blank then just a hint will be enough to remind u.

also this is more general but just. be consistent. small consistent efforts over multiple days instead of a big one in 1 day. u’ll retain better and ur brain does better with multiple small chunks spread out over an interval than a lot of stuff in a small one. and its ok to to have an off day dont kill urself over academics ur health is more important always. not getting into ur dream college might fuck u up but itll heal but ur health is more precarious and not getting enough sleep or food will def fuck u up and the consequences are a lot harder to deal with. dont think about the big picture or u’ll freak urself out just think about the next small step u can take. getting 99 percentile feels impossible but solving 10 questions for it does not. dont get disheartened by test results if ure working hard n smart u wont fail. even if u dont get into ur dream college u’ll have an excellent work ethic that’ll take u places u never thought of in ur wildest dreams. more than anything, be kind to urself and work n play hard.

#good luck!!! #sorry for the unpunctuated typing this was long i cba <3 #anonymous #again this is just from my experience plus teachers' advice that i liked and saw worked #tw iit jee #lmk if u wanna know sth else? #hope this helps #long post

[thiswasinevitableid]

for the winter prompt fills... 24, ot4, sfw? i just feel like indrid's snowflakes would be stupidly intricate and bespoke but stern is so much more likely to get annoyed by it than duck would be

Here you go!

24: i’m absentmindedly making snowflakes in class and you’re the nerd who can’t quit glaring at me every time you hear my scissors

Joseph always finds the first day of the semester tedious at best; he reads any syllabus he’s sent, then has to spend at minimum an hour listening to the professor go over it again. 

Thanks to the guy sitting two seats to his right, it’s now tedious AND aggravating. He’s tall, with dyed silver hair that he obviously did himself, his red glasses and worn, mostly black clothing suggesting someone who is in this class to fulfill a breadth requirement. That alone is not what aggravates him. It’s the fact the guy has been making paper snowflakes for the last forty five fucking minutes.

The snip snip snip is driving him up the wall. He knows people need to do different things to focus in class, but this is ridiculous. He glares every now and then, manages to keep his calm with the thought that the guy won’t be doing the same thing come Thursday. 

When he is, Joseph glares a little more and resigns himself to a minor headache twice a week for the next ten weeks. Could he move? Yes, technically. But he likes sitting up front, and he’s not going to let the scissors win.

------------------------------------------------------

“It’s ridiculous! His whole room must be covered in snowflakes by now, if he does this in every class.”

“Maybe he just does it in yours? You said that lecturer isn’t the most, uh, engaging.” Barclay pulls on his coat, waving to Mama through the window of the Lodge; he’s moved from waiter to line chef at the small restaurant, and Joseph is so proud of him.

“Maybe. I’m sorry, everything is just so...much. Last year was miserable and it’s not as if the change of the calendar makes things better. It feels like it takes the littlest thing to set off my anxiety.”

Barclay pauses their walk down the street, pulling Joseph’s hand to draw him into a hug, “I’m sorry babe. Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”

“Thanks. Think I’m mostly in the mood for a distraction.” Barclay is warm and smells faintly of onion and butter, and while they should avoid causing a traffic jam on the sidewalk, he decides to stay like this a few seconds longer. 

“Good thing we’re having Duck and Indrid over for dinner tonight, then. I’m glad you’re finally getting to meet Indrid. He’s a weirdo, but he’s my kind of weirdo. Hope he’s yours too.”

“I’m sure it’ll be great.” They start back down the sidewalk towards the block of apartments where Barclay lives. Josephs met Duck a few times, usually at parties or group hangouts at the lodge. They bonded first over being in O-chem together, then over being trans, and now Joseph is always happy to see him when he walks into a party. He knows Duck is dating Barclay’s childhood friend, Indrid, but the other man having a semester abroad and working several jobs means Joseph hasn’t met him. 

He cleans off and sets the table while Barclay starts fried rice for dinner. Grabs the just-knocked door as Barclay plates things up, only to come face to face with snowflake guy. 

“Um”

“Hey Joe” Duck smiles at him from beside his silver-haired boyfriend, “this is Indrid. Indrid, this Joe. We ain’t too early, right?”

“No” he holds out a hand that Indrid shakes with a wide smile and an expression that indicates he has never seen Joseph before. 

“It’s very nice to meet you, both Duck and Barclay speak highly of you.”

“Likewise.”

Dinner goes well, once Joseph stops going in mental circles and makes the decision to not breathe a word of the fact Indrid is the mad snowflake maker. Indrid is a bit odd and awkward, but eager dives into a discussion of UFO sightings when Joseph offhandedly mentions them, and blushes charmingly whenever Duck kisses him. 

He also blushes when Barclay, in reply to a compliment about his cooking, says, “thanks, little moth.”

Joseph and Duck raise their eyebrows in sync. 

“Explain.” Joseph says with a smirk.

“It, uh, it was a nickname I gave him when we were kids. He’s always been smaller than me, and he was really, and I mean really, into moths.”

“That ain’t all that different from now.”  Duck loops an arm over Indrid’s shoulders. The taller man’s sweater hangs low around his neck, revealing at least two distinct moth tattoos. 

“I have a not always been smaller. I was taller in fourth grade.”

Barclay chuckles, “fair enough.” He sips his water and then adds, “little moth.”

Indrid chucks his napkin at him, laughing.

It’s such a nice evening that Joseph forgets all about the snowflakes. That is, until Indrid sits down directly next to him on Tuesday. 

“I thought I’d seen you before. What a coincidence.” Indrid takes out his notebook, spins a small ring on his finger, and smiles, “I’m glad we’ll have more chances to see each other.”

The tone feels almost flirtatious, but any appeal is instantly doused when he takes out scissors and a stenciled piece of paper. When he notices Joseph staring at the items, he cocks his head. 

“Would you like to try making a snowflake? It’s very soothing.”

“I, um-”

“I have spare scissors.” Indrid pulls out another pair.

What the hell, it’s a five hundred person lecture hall. No one will notice if two of the five hundred people are making snowflakes. He takes the scissors, and Indrid smiles brighter. 

-----------------------------------------

It turns out the therapeutic nature of paper snowflakes isn’t the only suggestion Indrid has for him. Which is why Joseph is now in the campus rec center awaiting the start of a boxing class. Indrid said he might enjoy it, and Barclay encouraged him when he mentioned it. And he has been looking for ways to stay in shape. 

“Fancy seein you here.” Duck, in a sweatshirt and basketball shorts, sets his bag down next to Joseph.

“So that’s why Indrid recommended this in spite of never doing it himself.”

Duck snickers, “Yeah, ‘Drid’s happy with his hot yoga, he tried comin with me once last semester and was so sore he swore off bein my gym buddy forever.”

“How’d you get into this at all?” He takes out his handwraps, starts trying to put the left one on.

“Minerva put me onto it, said it was good to have some cardio along with weight-liftin. Need some help?” He indicates the wrap that has quickly gone off the rails. 

“Yes, please.” Joseph holds out his hand. Duck takes it, hold gentle but firm as he demonstrates the correct motions.

“Few different ways of doin’ it, this is the one Minerva taught me.”

“I see.” He does, and is able to replicate the pattern on his right hand, but he also sees why Indrid looks like a cat melting in the sun whenever Duck holds his hand. 

Before his brain can careen down that track of thoughts, the class starts and all his focus goes to learning the proper stance, practicing ones and twos, and trying not to pass out from exhaustion. He;s not out of shape by any means, but the instructor does not mess around. 

When they’re done and dismissed to stretch, Duck holds up a hand, “nice job, man.”

He’s down to his tank top, flushed and sweating as beams at Joseph. Suddenly, he feels like he could do a whole second class without breaking a sweat.

----------------------------------------------------

“All I’m gonna say is that if I pull a muscle doing this, you get to tell Mama why I can’t come in to work.” Barclay eyes the yoga mats suspiciously.

“I promise, we will start with an easy one. Besides, half the reason we’re doing this is because it can help with the sore muscles that come with repetitive physical work.” Indrid brings up a video on his laptop, then pats the empty mat next to his own. 

Barclay sits down, crossing his legs to mimic Indrid’s position. He’d brought up the idea of them doing yoga together on the nights Duck and Joseph are boxing as a joke at first. All it took was the excited look on Indrid’s face for him to turn it into a serious suggestion. He’s never been able to resist making Indrid happy. 

In many ways, his friendship eith Indrid was how Barclay learned that what he wanted to be, more than anything else, was comforting and safe to other people. His friend was skinny and awkward, at times downright skittish, but he’d dive under the covers and cuddle up next to Barclay in an instant. Even the hormones and awkward crushes of puberty couldn’t drive them apart. Barclay’s always attributed that to the fact he wasn’t attracted to Indrid when they were younger, nor Indrid to him. 

No, his massive crush on Indrid emerged their first year of college. But Barclay was too unsure for the first semester and too busy deciding to drop out to be a cook for the second one to make a move. Then fell hard for Duck, and Barclay fell for Joseph not long after, and it seemed like everything worked itself out. 

As he struggles to focus on the screen rather than his best friend’s ass, he realizes he spoke too soon.

-----------------------------------------------------

“You’re not exclusive?” Joseph wipes his hands with a paper napkin. They’re grabbing a snack after their workout, the echoing Jamba Juice still preferable to eating out in the cold. 

Duck shakes his head, mouth busy sucking the straw of his smoothie and making Joseph wonder if his cheeks hollow that same way when he blows Indrid.

“I wasn’t when I met him, was still datin a girlfriend. We ain’t felt the need to change it. Both of us feel like, if we wanna be exclusive, or one of us wants to date someone else, we’ll talk about it case by case.” 

“That makes sense.” He feels the moment when all of Duck’s attention shifts to him. 

“What about you and Barclay?”

“We’ve never really talked about it.  I guess I...I’m happier with Barclay than I’ve ever been with anyone. If he wanted to be with someone else, I wouldn’t begrudge him that.”

“But would you be okay with it?” Duck’s drawl is softer now, and Joseph gets the sense he’s about to reach for his hand.

“I would. You’ve met him, the man has love to spare.”

“Comes with bein a big guy. Trust me, I’d know.” He winks at Joseph.

“Duck, you’re five’ six.”

“And built like a tank. Point is, you know what you want matters too, right Joe?”

What he wants? What he wants is to kiss Duck into the couch with Barclays arms around him while Indrid fucks the shorter man from behind. What he wants is to be with all of them. What he wants is too much.

“Right.”

------------------------------------------

“Indrid?”

“Yes, Barclay?”

“I hate you.”

A cackle rings out in the living room, Barclay unable to see it due to being in a pose that has them facing away from each other, “Nonsense, I’m your oldest friend.”

“Don’t care” he grunts as his leg twinges, “we’re getting a divorse. A friend divorce.”

“You wound me.”

Barclay growls, notices bare feet directly in his line of sight, “why are you-”

“Standing up like normal? Because the session ended while you were complaining.”

“Oh you little” Barclay pulls out of the pose, grabbing at the other man. Indrid hops back out of the way, only to trip over a shoe and fall onto his mat. He flips Barclay off with a grin, yelps when Barclay lunges forward and traps him with his body weight.

“Ooof, get off me, you menace.” Indrid laughs, shoving at him. 

“Nah, this is strength training. For you.”

“If you’re relying on my upper body strength to end this, I hope you understand we live on the floor now.”

“Uhhhhhh” Says a voice from the other side of the couch. Duck and Joseph are standing side by side in their gym clothes.

“I feel like we missed something.” Joseph, in spite of his pink cheeks, doesn’t look angry.

“Barclay is expressing his displeasure with this particular yoga sequence. Not that I mind.”  Indrid says from beneath him.

“Don’t seem in a hurry to get him off.”

“Not in the way you’re thinking, my sweet, no.”

He whips his head forward to stare down at Indrid. The other man smiles up at him, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“I, uh, I-”

Indrid reaches up and strokes his beard, “Barclay, we’ve been friends a long time. I can spot when you have a crush on someone, myself included. I mentioned it to Duck a few weeks ago.”

“Which, uh, works out well on a couple levels.” Duck and Joseph step around the couch, holding hands, “assumin that’s okay with both of you.”

“You already know my feelings on the matter.” Indrid sends a far filthier grin Joseph’s way.

Barclay wants to jump for joy, but more than that he wants to be sure.

“Is this what you want, babe?”

Joseph nods, “If it’s not too much to ask.”

Barclay sits up, opening his arms and Joseph kneels into the hug, “No, babe, not at all. I love you, love Indrid too, and if he and Duck both wanna be with you, they’ll get no complaints from me, just a compliment as to their taste in men.”

His boyfriend nestles closer with a relieved sigh, Duck and Indrid settling on either side of Barclay. Joseph murmurs that they should make a chart to figure out the details of everything, and he agrees. But they can do that in a minute. Right now, the four of them can rest and enjoying being here. Together.

#winter fills #OT4: Government Men and Their Cryptid Boyfriends #College AU #indrid cold/duck newton #indruck #agent stern/barclay #sternclay #duck newton/agent stern #agent stern/barclay/indrid cold/Duck newton #Indrid cold/Barclay #agent stern/Indrid Cold

[dogbearinggifts]

I wonder how many people who treat stringent content moderation and cancel culture as civilization’s first, last, and only line of defense against a world of widespread misogyny and racism understand how many of their favorite bits of entertainment would be unacceptable by today’s standards. 

And no, I’m not talking about books written in 1884, when Mark Twain could drop the n-word more often than a hyperactive squirrel with paws coated in butter would drop an acorn and have no one bat an eye. I’m not talking about movies released in 1961, when a white actor could play a racist caricature of a Japanese landlord to widespread praise from critics. I’m talking about 2006. 

That year, Markus Zusak gave us The Book Thief, an eerily beautiful coming-of-age book set in Nazi Germany whose virtues would be drowned out by the flood of trigger warnings modern gatekeepers would attach to it. Opening with the death of Liesel’s brother (tw:death, tw:child death, tw:parental abandonment) it includes a loud, abrasive foster mother (tw:abuse, tw:child abuse, tw:verbal abuse, tw:mental abuse) who is portrayed as a headstrong protector of her family (tw:abuse apologism) and the Jew they hide in their basement (tw:white saviorism), as well as a meek foster father who kowtows to his wife’s ways (tw:domestic abuse) and teaches Liesel to roll cigarettes (tw:smoking). It’s narrated by Death (are there even enough trigger warnings for that?) who, rather than condemn characters who have embraced Hitler and Nazism, points to the bitterness, grief, and misinformation catalyzing their fervor (tw:Nazi apologism). 

For those of you readying a barrage of rebuttals to that summary, scrolling down to the comments to tell me that I stripped the book of any nuance—that’s the whole point. The Book Thief is a very nuanced story that conveys its message in shades of grey. Few characters are wholly good or wholly evil. Death is a neutral figure, condemning the horrors of war while pitying those who fight it no matter their side, portraying the nightmarish consequences of hatred while showing the reader how it is born. But since when has nuance ever mattered to someone riding high on a wave of righteous anger? 

Moving on, 2006 was also the year My Chemical Romance released The Black Parade, which sees Death (tw tw tw) telling the story of The Patient, a man whose life was filled with war, depression, political unrest, PTSD, religious guilt, self-loathing, broken relationships, and near-constant suicidal ideation—a life that ends in his thirties from heart complications due to a long, painful, emotionally draining battle with cancer. Millions of depressed kids, teens, and adults have found catharsis in the album’s raw, honest lyrics, but those same lyrics would earn the band a #CancelMCR hashtag today. To wit: 

Another contusion, my funeral jag/Here’s my resignation, I’ll serve it in drag: Mocking drag queens and men who crossdress. Using a very real expression of gender identity for shock value. Blatantly transphobic. 

Juliet loves the beast and the lust it commands/So drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands Romeo: Toxic relationship. Probably violently abusive. #DumpThePatient, lady, and #MCRStopRomanticizingAbuse. 

Wouldn’t it be grand to take a pistol by the hand?/And wouldn’t it be great if we were dead?: Oh my fucking god, they’re romanticizing suicide now? How was this album even allowed to be made? Who let this happen and how soon can we #cancel them? 

If you’ve heard the album, you know none of the above interpretations are remotely true. You’ve probably shaken your head at the Daily Mail’s infamous claim that My Chem promoted self-harm and suicide, but the sad truth is that if The Black Parade were released in today’s climate, that claim would probably be taken up by the very people who now consider themselves fans. The raw honesty that resonated with so many could easily be taken as a stamp of approval on the very suicides its songs have prevented. The anti-suicide anthem, “Famous Last Words,” could be ignored or twisted into a mockery of those who condemn suicide, and the darkly wholesome “Welcome to the Black Parade” music video would likely be taken as enticement toward teens who want to end their lives: “Look at all the cool things you’ll get to see once you’re dead and gone!” 

Again, anyone who is even a casual fan of The Black Parade knows this is a deliberately malicious misreading of the material. My Chem’s music has been gratefully embraced by LGBTQ+ kids looking for a place to belong, and the band members have been outspoken in their support. They’ve been quoted, on multiple occasions, speaking out against suicide and self-harm. We know Parade is not pro-anything except pro-keep on living. But we know this because we gave the band a chance to tell us. We assumed good intent when we listened to their music, and so their intended message came across without interference. Were Parade released today, in the era of AED (Assume the worst, Exaggerate the damage, and Demand outsized retribution), the resulting furor (and refusal to hear their objections to the rampant misinterpretations) could very well have forced My Chem to vanish into obscurity. 

And look. I’m not against content moderation wholesale. I actually think it’s done some good in the world of entertainment. Podcast hosts and book reviewers who warn audience members about triggering content allow them to avoid that content before they suffer an anxiety attack. As a librarian, I have personally and enthusiastically recommended Does the Dog Die?, a website (doesthedogdie.com) that tracks hundreds of anxiety triggers in media, to colleagues who work with kids so they can allow their students to request a different book or movie if the assigned one would cause undue distress. Trigger warnings can prevent anxiety attacks. Content moderation allows audiences to make informed choices. 

But some things are toxic in high amounts, and when it comes to content moderation, we’ve long since passed that mark. 

When trigger warnings are used not as honest labels of content, but as a means to frighten people away from material they might otherwise enjoy, trigger warnings become toxic. 

When self-appointed content moderators tell others what interpretations they should take from a piece of entertainment, rather than allowing them to come to their own conclusions, content moderation becomes toxic. 

When artists are afraid to produce their most honest work for fear their honesty will be twisted into something dark and ugly, the world of fandom becomes toxic. 

Content moderation is not bad in itself. It can actually be a valuable tool for sufferers of anxiety, PTSD, and other disorders. But when it goes hand in glove with cancel culture, it becomes a monster, keeping audiences from discovering something they might otherwise enjoy by twisting the content into something it’s not. 

By all means, tag your triggers. Warn about your content. But don’t tell your followers to expect something horrible that isn’t even there. 

#long post #the book thief #the black parade #markus zusak #my chemical romance #mcr #my chem #tbp #mark twain #breakfast at tiffany's #content moderation #cancel culture #anti cancel culture #trigger warnings #a warning about trigger warnings #misreadings #misinterpretations #meta #meta ish

[plasmacandle]

May I ask, if Afterimage ever became canon, and got his own episode, how would that go?

this is such a cool question, thank you!! i'm SO glad there's interest in him

i don't have a full script, but i have several key points in mind for how an episode with him would go! it got very long, so i'm putting it under a read more

i'm imagining it as another halloween special, only more lighthearted in nature because of who the villain is. highlights include a scooby doo-esque chase through krei tech. please enjoy

i imagine his intro ep taking place about a week before halloween. the team would catch a glimpse of a strange figure during night patrol on a foggy, spooky evening - but he seems to disappear before they can get a good look! but there WAS definitely something there, right?

fred is convinced they just saw a ghost; hiro of course is skeptical and looks for answers. based on the footage they have, the most baymax and/or basemax can come up with are a bunch of strange blurry "ghost images" that people have taken all over the city recently. hiro figures it's some sort of viral halloween prank, but the team decides to keep an eye out just in case

hardlight has also recently escaped, so they've got bigger things to worry about, anyway

one night during a battle with hardlight, bh6 manages to knock his glove several feet away from him but then it starts... floating? moving on its own? and somehow tosses ITSELF back to hardlight, in a series of motions that leaves the team very confused. they're even more confused when things start hitting them out of nowhere - gogo is tripped on something invisible and crashes into fred, wasabi's hit with lasers from thin air, honey's suddenly ensared by a net. hardlight gets away, for the time being, and the team is left wondering about all these new tricks he's got up his sleeve...

“could it be GHOSTS?” “we know for a fact hardlight is not a ghost” “but DO WE?”

the next day, bh6 receives a report from alistair krei that there's been a strange figure showing up outside krei tech for the past few nights. nothing's been stolen - yet - but it's worth looking into. plus, a rumor's been spreading that krei tech is HAUNTED, and that's not good for publicity!

using security cam footage, they recognize the figure as the "ghost image" that's been popping up around san fransokyo. they're also able to determine that the subject is wearing some kind of robotic armor, which they recognize as the buddy guard technology - and it's confirmed even more when the figure disappears on tape! everyone wonders what this "ghost’s” goal could be, and why they'd be using the decommissioned tech. bh6 asks for a list of everyone who worked on developing the buddy guards, which krei gives them (mel meyer, notably, is NOT on that list).

in the next days, people begin to report sightings of afterimage more frequently, usually with blurry distorted photo evidence if they catch him mid-vanish. he tends to show up at big gatherings and events and sabotage them, usually by cutting the power and sending everyone into a state of confused panic. strangely, it seems to affect personal devices too, and happens too often to just be a coincidence...

big hero 6 makes note of the fact that afterimage's appearances seem to line up with hardlight's - they tend to strike on the same day, sometimes even the same place. the same is true for the photos people have been reporting; they line up with hardlight sightings. however, hardlight hasn’t been near krei tech, so that seems to be the outlier

so the next time they face hardlight, the team are prepared to confront afterimage as well. luckily for them, hardlight's on the same page. there's a line like "allow me to introduce... my player two!!!" and afterimage makes himself seen, in a dramatic, but silent, flourish. he and hardlight do a cool pose together, and there's probably some fun sparkle effects

wasabi would say something like "...does he not talk?" and hardlight would reply that the two of them agreed it was more mysterious and threatening that way

and so the battle continues. with afterimage switching in and out of visibility so fast, hardlight's menagerie of light weapons, and the two of them protecting each other, it's difficult to get a hit on either of them! and the duo escape again, much to the frustration of the team

the heroes probably do a little pondering on how the two of them can be so in-sync. even if we don't see them react to it, i'm assuming bh6 knows that hardlight = ian, so they start looking for potential connections of his. they'd probably check out retired villain dark volt (who i headcanon as ian's father), olivia (who i hc as his half-sister), and even judy (under the assumption that them being co-workers means they might have co-conspired), but of course those are all dead ends

soon enough, it's halloween eve, and bh6 figures something big is likely to go down the next night, so they try reaching out to krei again for any more information. but they can't get through to him. uh-oh... the power seems to have been cut at krei tech!!

they rush over to check on krei, and find the building encased in one of hardlight's force fields. hardlight tells them that afterimage has been in tutorial mode, and now he's on his first big solo quest - the one he's been gathering XP for all this time!! and hardlight's NOT gonna let them sabotage it, so he'll just have to dominate them in single-player >:]

so of course they have to take hardlight down first. which they do, because all they have to do is get his glove and i can't think of a cool detailed way that they do that right now

with the light shields gone, they get into krei tech and - since baymax is scan-jammed - they have to search for krei and afterimage in the dark facility. on the way, they run into a few employees who have been trapped in the building, many believing the intruder is an actual ghost! hiro is still patiently trying to convince people it's not, but the others, to his frustration, seem to be getting more open to the idea

they finally reach krei's office and find him pleading with this mysterious invisible force to leave his company, and his face, alone. he doesn't deserve to have his company haunted, he says! is this a vengeful spirit come to throw his past mistakes at him, in the form of his own obsolete decommissioned tech?? :’(

a modulated voice finally speaks, to everyone's surprise. "oh, like you decommissioned ME??" afterimage is now visible, in the moonlight coming through the large window

"i thought you weren't speaking," gogo quips, to which afterimage stammers and replies something like "ugh, i totally messed that up. but anyway-"

he proceeds to let his lasers do the talking and battles it out with big hero 6 once again!! until honey lemon jams his blaster with a chem ball. and he realizes that while he may still be able to disappear, he doesn't have the advantage of open space in krei's office. so, amidst the chaos, he manages to slip out the door

the team proceeds to chase him down the halls of krei tech, each taking different paths (this part could be a little haunted house montage where they run in and out of different doors, if you wanted a little comic relief) and fred beats him to the door. as afterimage runs toward the exit, fred finally decides on the most effective way to fight invisible with invisible, and simply sticks out his tail to trip him

AND HE TRIPS!!

the team catches up as afterimage tries to collect himself. fred and wasabi quickly grab him. hiro, excited at the opportunity to prove once and for all this is not a ghost, removes his helmet, exposing him as none other than.....

former krei tech employee mel meyer!!!! cue GASPS from everyone. "sur...prise," he manages, still a little dizzy from all that

krei is, of course, extremely upset (and pretty embarrassed and trying to brush off having ever been afraid), and demands to know what's been going on

mel explains that ever since A Certain Someone convinced him that sometimes villainy is empowering and lets one do the things they can’t as a civilian, he'd been wanting to teach krei a lesson about how he treats people. you can't keep getting away with using others!! and that's why he became the ghostly apparation, because the REAL monster looming over san fransokyo is YOU, alistair krei!!! and he would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for these meddling kids and their robot!!! >:[

“you really think THIS is what would have stopped him? trust us, he’s seen worse.” krei stubbornly nods

and, frankly, mel's a little hurt that krei never even suspected it was him. to which krei responds that he forgot about mel entirely after getting him arrested, and so did everyone else, probably. big hero 6 nods sheepishly

...well, not everyone. cut to hardlight, who is Still standing outside, long after being subdued by bh6 - he’d had the opportunity to escape when they raced off to save krei, but clearly didn’t. he calls mel's name (and would be waving if he weren't handcuffed and surrounded by the SFPD at that very moment). mel is pleasantly surprised, and a little confused. "wait, you stayed and kept watch for my WHOLE mission? you didn't even try to get away?" he asks

to which ian replies, "of course not! i wasn't gonna let anyone break up our co-op, and i wanted to make sure you got out alright. after all, you're my... player two :)" they smile at each other, seemingly unaffected by the fact that they failed and are both getting arrested again, and it's a nice moment

cut back to krei and the gang. everyone is quite confused

so, the double damage duo is in custody (for now), and it's still the night before halloween. cue some jokey banter amongst the team about what they should do to celebrate - DEFINITELY no haunted houses, and no movies about ghosts. fred accuses hiro of being disappointed that it wasn't a real ghost, and by now the whole team is in on that joke, so he begrudgingly admits that, yes, maybe it WOULD have been cool if ghosts had been real this whole time :/ so there.

The End!

(but hopefully not the end of hardlight and afterimage - ideally there'd be more in store for them, even if they just got cameos!!! 😌)

#big hero 6 #big hero 6 the series #afterimage #mel meyer #ian hardlight #alistair krei #bh6 #double damage au #melian #at the end a little bit :)

[sendmyresignation]

You Got Blood On Your Money

Question: how do you make honest art? Is this not the eternal conflict as a creator- how to stay genuine to yourself and your art without tripping into the pitfalls that lay within fame or money or popular culture? Every creator must grapple with the fight between being seen and being sold. But very few artists struggle with this quite as visibly as My Chemical Romance has. From the inception of this band, which has always been more art project than musical endeavor, its members have tried desperately to convey a bone-deep sincerity fundamental to their work. From their very first song, the band proclaims itself as a savior to a generation that had been stripped of their will in the face of unimaginable horror. At the same time, there exists within their music a commitment to storytelling, a desire to fill the empty space in rock music with narrative and macabre and emotion that had been absent. Both of these elements manifest themselves into a band that very seriously considered it their mission to save people’s lives, as well as to create deeply meaningful art. But how do you save as many people as possible without being corrupted by the spotlight? And how do maintain genuine storytelling as you get further and further from the basement shows you got your started in?

These are questions that permeate their music at every turn, something that haunted each album and made itself known in each new project. And while there are many ways to dissect this particular struggle in their discography, nowhere is it more apparent than in the dispute between Thank You For the Venom and its reimagined successor- Tomorrow’s Money. These songs are noticeably similar in their structure as well as lyricism and imagery but instead of the latter building off of the other, they are inverses of each other. And they speak to My Chem’s long battle with becoming a legendary band in the midst of also attempting to keep their identities as artists and outsiders. And in analyzing their differences, it becomes reflective of the band’s main career-long conflict between the commodification of their art and the need to create something larger than themselves. And the question remains, were they successful?

Before we answer that, let's talk about Thank You for the Venom. To begin, it's important to note that Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge is an interesting part of My Chemical Romance’s discography because ultimately, it is unconcerned with legacy, but instead is centered on the immediacy of loss and the reactionary pursuit of revenge. In a record overwhelmed with death and grief, there is very little mention of the afterlife for either the living or the dead- characters are murdered but there is very little textual violence. Characters come back to life but there is minimal discussion of how they died or where exactly they were in death. However, that does not mean Revenge is not devoid of mythologizing- it just happens to be about immediate intention rather than a long-term commitment. It is because of this reckless drive forward almost to spite the odds that allows for Venom to exist as the band's declaration- it is their call to arms. Specifically, the track is a pronouncement of My Chemical Romance as renegades fighting against the fake, safe bands writing hits for money instead of survival or purpose: they “won’t front the scene” if you paid them, after all, but are instead running from their enemies. And not only are they an oppositional force, but they are pariahs, targets- something you can try to kill but will fail at. More specifically, in “If this is what you want the fire at will” there is an element of martyrdom, the idea that they are not just a necessary part of the very structure of society but also there is the implication that killing them is to concede to their influence and a necessary part of their lifecycle. Once you get big enough to become a target, you inevitably will be shot down- that is the final step of a great and honest band’s success. This also feeds into the album's wider ideas surrounding revenge as a concept as the greatest revenge is finding success in the aspects of yourself and, by extension, the things you create that other people thought were worthless (I don't think it's a coincidence so much of this album is steeped in comic book imagery and art and mixing punk and metal and theater when those are things the band would get shit on for enjoying). At the same time, this theme exists as the foundation necessary to create an anthem of survival- revenge is the fuel that keeps the protagonist, as well as the band, in motion. Look at the specifics of their thesis- “Just the way the doctor made me” and “You’ll never make me leave” are both reconciliations with the self in spite of the prevailing narrative against them. That connects to the way this song is a statement of a savior and a martyr twofold- “Give me all your hopeless hearts and make me ill” as a representation of the band taking on the pain of others to keep them both alive. All told, in Venom there is perseverance in the face of a large, unimaginable adversary. It is a threat directed at your enemies. It’s living as free and ugly and completely yourself as you can until they shoot you down in a hail of bullets. And then even that end is itself a victory.

Here, at its core, Venom is really the singular instance in the entire album where the band reconciles with an image. And the image the band creates for themselves is as outcasts in opposition to the "scene" and as a revenge plot, proving to their audience the value of authenticity and survival and rubbing it in the faces of those who doubted them. These themes about what My Chemical Romance is and what their goals are is something they wrestle with for the rest of their career- how do you say lives, reach an audience, and remain a fighting force against the societal norm when you exceed your mission and become part of the fabric of popular culture? But that is for later, at this moment, Revenge imagines no future. Only this desperate battlecry.

By contrast, Tomorrow’s Money is dealing with the aftermath. Functioning as a cynical reimagining of Venom, the song is structurally, thematically, and even lyrically reminiscent of Venom to an uncanny degree. First and foremost, the songs are structured the same- a slow build-up into a whispered intro, a multi-part chorus, the exact same chorus-verse layout, and a strikingly similar solo. Looking at the two Toro solos more closely, they both feature more building up as well as tremolos, triples, darker tones, and what sounds like a slide progression just ripping through both of them. Tomorrow’s Money is mimicking Venom pretty clearly here- either as a direct reference or because Venom is so reminiscent of the condensed MCR sound that they’re ripping off to make their point. And looking deeper at the themes present in Money specifically, just like Revenge, there is a clear lack of legacy- “we got no heroes ‘cause our heroes are dead” calling back to the very real disillusionment of Disenchanted that’s placed specifically in a song about becoming part of the machine, being heroes themselves, to nod to the fact that the very mission of the band is dead as well.

Simply put, Money tackles similar issues as Venom about fame and audience and creating art while using much of the same language and metaphors to completely invert the claims found in the “original”. To start with, both songs use the verbage “bleeding” to associate with a kind of suffering for your art that was an aspect of their previous band ideology. Namely, it’s the idea that the audience makes the band ill through the “hopeless hearts” as much as the “poison” does. The “what’s life like bleeding on the floor” of Venom is paired with “you’ll never make me leave” is a statement of defiance and survival against the odds while still bearing the burden of other’s pain. Money, on the other hand, explicitly says they “stopped bleeding three years ago” as a rejection of this leftover martyrdom prevalent in Revenge especially.  But it also refers to their newfound luxury of comfort, they have a way to stitch themselves together that they didn’t have before. These implications transition directly into the ideas surrounding health, vitality and living- specifically surrounding both doctors and infection. Speaking of the former, Money has an interesting lines in “If we crash this time, we’ve got machines to keep us alive” and "me and my surgeons and my street-walking friends" because they speak to both becoming a part of the “industry” by mentioning mechanization but also specifically evokes the living dead. In the MCR canon, the idea of the undead (both vampires and zombies) are antagonistic forces that represent the outside world, specifically fake people or the music industry. And zombies, in general, are already rife with allegorical connections to consumerism, like how Dawn of the Dead, a known mcr influence, is directly about materialistic culture. Vampires, subconsciously or not, are often representatives of exuberant wealth as well as beauty and desire. They’re also blood-suckers and leeches that someone in this narrative has fallen in love with, as if colluding with the enemy and allowing them to literally drain them and their life force. Thus, in describing themselves as essentially undead (when they crash, they’re revived) as well as directly collaborating with the undead, they are connecting themselves to the very forces they’ve been fighting. But perhaps the most interesting aspect of this association is how they specifically relate it to survival, the only way of staying alive is to accept them, to allow themselves to be hooked up to the machines that make them undead in the first place. Almost as if you make it far enough not to tear yourself apart, you’ll eventually assimilate into and become part of the industry. 

This idea of unavoidable assimilation is compounded with the multiple references to viruses- “You're loaded up with the fame. You’re dressed up like a virus” then being reemphasised with “We’re gonna give it for free. Hook up the veins to the antibodies, got it with the disease, we’re gonna give it to you”. Both these lines condemn fame but also implicates themselves as part of the contagion that is celebritidom at the same time it depicts this process as unavoidable. Not only that, they’re the ones spreading it at the same time they condemn it. This duality, possibly even exaggerated hypocrisy is buried deep into the foundation of Money. Even the ending line, as angry and inflammatory as it is- still names them as complicit as the "I’ll see you in hell" implies that they're going to hell too. Looking even deeper, there are multiple references to the dilution of their message:  “Choke down the words with no meaning” and “The words get lost when we all look the same'' both representing meaninglessness in the lyrics while “the microphone’s got a tapwire” is reminiscent of wiretapping or even the surveillance company Tapewire, suggesting their words are under scrutiny, they are being monitored and that could be one of the reasons for meaningless words. All of these lyrics reference, with subtly or, in the case of the last one, very obviously about the sellibility and how rigid the label of “emo” is and how they couldn't escape it - they may not have gotten paid to front the scene, but they sure did inadvertently lead a cause. And being put in that position was clearly very stifling, striping them of their artistry. Even looking at the response to Black Parade, it's clear that popular culture at large did not appreciate the record for its genuine message but for the moment in time it represented or the aesthetics it called back too. In many ways it was taken at face value- “words with no meaning” or just another dark, death obsessed emo record. What Tomorrow's money is is a rejection of the glorification of suffering and nativity of Venom in the face of becoming pop culture icons but it's also, in a way, reconciling with a perception of failure and loss of creative control that will haunt My Chem for the rest of their years.

Ultimately Tomorrow's Money is representative of the band's response to the gradual shift of My Chemical Romance, as an entity, away from martyrs to an accepted part of the music industry and culture. How do you reconcile with that? In this moment, in a post-Black Parade era, they try taking everything down with them- becoming a whistle blower to their truth. But perhaps most importantly, this conflict lays the foundation for Danger Days as both critique of industry’s commodification of art, as well as the reutilization of the obsession with legacy and death in their next project -no longer can they let the machines revive them, they have to get out of the city, yell incendiary graffiti at the top of their lungs, and explode in brilliant colors. It was time to return to calls to arms. It was time to return to the power of not just of death but of living on long after it, the album the act of becoming folk heroes for a new generation. And while the bright lights didn't last forever, by scrapping Conventional Weapons and starting over in the name of artistic integrity they truly created a legacy of material unrivaled in its sincerity, reach, and cultural significance. 

As we know, the story didn’t end there. The final chapter used to be closed, and ending with "I choose defeat I walk away and leave this place the same today" as the conclusion of their career. This was not the explosion Gerard wrote about, not the doomsday device but a quiet goodbye, a silent curtain call. It's another round of disillusionment finally fully-realized. And yet, the Reunion seems to be a direct contradiction to their farewell- in some way they did come back because they were needed, because their absence was a gaping hole in music at large which suggests they did change things, that they do have a noticeable effect on the world they inhabit. Looking at A Summoning for even a moment, the picture illustrated to the viewer is that they are an otherworldly power. That they are an entity that you plead for the return of, the hero and the savior on clear display. And regardless of how you feel about the postponement, you can never talk away that fact- some force bodily brought them back in their narrative, that it was human interference that started the resurrection. And that it was primarily through art, especially that video, that they declared their forced-to-be unfulfilled intentions. I've always liked to believe that we've cycled back around, that the cynicism of Conventional Weapons and then later Fake Your Death has had its moment but now it's time to return to that world of rebellion in this era of the desert- the reinhabiting of reckless living and creation. Again, we must ask: what does it mean to make art for the masses? I don’t think we’ll ever truly find the right answer, but I think My Chemical Romance have always tried their best to solve the equation.

#you know the drill. Bibliography Post <33 #yes. i HAVE been thinking a lot about venom recently how can you tell? #my posts #mcr assigned reading

[suna-reversed]

Hey, love. So this isn't an ask, its more about something thats a troubling me, so I would like to know your opinion. So I have a home tutor, he is 3 years older than me, will be moving to study in australia and is currently my chem teacher's TA. Today when he came over our tutoring session, i was trying to blaze through the physics questions he was making me do and he mocked the way I said *twenty* because I was not taking my time to understand one question before trying to move on to the next. (Side note: I also have a huge crush on him and am kinda obvious about it) I thought we were idk comfortable enough to joke (?), I blurted out that *If my parents weren't here, I would have kicked you for that*. He was like *I am your teacher and you are talking to me like that? For the way you talked to me, I should just get up and leave*. I am a very anxious person and that combined with my feelings for him, i said sorry, hoping that he would understand it was a joke. He told me to think before i speak, not even looking at me while saying it. Then after some time of sitting, he told me that he is leaving. While getting up, I asked him again if he was angry with me, he said and I quote *I am actually*. I also asked if there was anyway I could make it up to him, he again told me *Think before you speak*. I said okay and again that I was sorry. Also asked him he will coming tomorrow and just said that he'll see.

I feel horrible. I have been crying after he left. I don't want him to stop teaching me nor do i want him to spread this around (The student community is really close, like almost everyone knows each other and he is kinda popular). I really really like him, idk why and I hate the fact i made myself look dumb. What should I do? How should I behave the next day when he comes for our tutoring session? I am already pretty insecure about myself because I don't fit the south asian beauty standard of being thin, light skinned and graceful with words and body. I don't know what to do.

TW- anxiety, discourse?

I am terribly sorry that you have to go through such a thing. As another person with anxiety, I know how tedious the burden of overthinking can be. However, I am absolutely no expert so all that I write down below is simply coming from a place of my own personal beliefs and opinions about this situation, in the end, I would suggest you to do what you feel is best for you.

First of all, while I do feel like there’s a boundary that should be maintained between student/teacher relationships, according to what you’ve mentioned, it seems as if you did think that the two of you were comfortable with each other, especially assuming that the age gap between you two is only 3 years and you’re both students ? If he feels comfortable enough to “mock” you jokingly- to me, that seems like an obvious tone indicator for why it makes sense that you’d feel like it was appropriate enough to joke back.

Personally, his response comes off as quite odd and a little passive aggressive, but at the same time I think it’s really hard to assume a person’s feelings in such a quick switch in their temperament . Maybe they just had a bad day? Maybe he knows that you have a crush on him and doesn’t want to cross any boundaries? Maybe he just genuinely wasn’t too pleased about the joke ? (which would be a little hypocritical per say). Either way, if he is still expecting you to treat him as a “teacher” then maybe he should’ve acted like one, because I know for a fact that none of the teachers I respect would ever give me such vague and clipped responses, especially if I repeatedly asked them about it or if they could visibly see that I was panicking.

I completely understand your worries about the student council situation and about his opinion considering your feelings towards him but I would have to say- no person who makes you doubt yourself as such or makes you feel threatened enough to have you so anxious deserves much thought ! Chances are, and I’m hoping- that the situation was only the result of a bad day or mood and it’ll be completely fine the next day, but if he goes around back-talking about you over such a small thing to the student council, I don’t think a person like that deserves your effort or time.

Lastly, and this is the most important, PLEASE DON’T HATE ON YOURSELF FOR SUCH A THING. You didn’t make yourself “look dumb”, and you shouldn’t have to blame yourself for the response of another person.

Again, I understand that insecurities would always play a major factor in worsening a situation like this. I’m south Asian too and I’ve struggled my whole life trying to meet the societal expectations only to realise nothing will ever be good enough- and if you’re going to get judged no matter how you look, why not just say fuck it and just look as you like? In all honesty though, if you do wish to get closure to calm your mind, you can bring up this situation again to him tomorrow if the environment is still tense but approachable. But personally, I’d say just act the way you normally do, he should be professional enough to not get petty over such a small comment especially if you’ve apologised repeatedly. And I truly hope that things go back to normal, if not for the sake of your feelings then at least for the sake of your education. Because at the end of the day, a person who you know may mock you or make you stress over something as such so much while also making you feel like you’re not good enough (even if it comes from a place of lack of self love) should really make one reconsider their priorities.

I hope this situation solves itself out, I’m always here to talk to whenever you need any help. You deserve so much better and I’m sending lots of love your way💕💕💕

#vee replies #anon asks #tw anxiety #tw discourse

[spaceskam]

follow up to this (ao3)

“Wait, start from the beginning.”

Alex let out a straight giddy laugh as he complied. He ended up skipping his programming fundamentals class in favor of pacing around Maria’s dorm to try to put together what the hell happened that morning. He’d done his best during Calc, but ended up being nothing more than a total waste of space trying to pretend he could think about something other than those lips and that tongue.

“Okay, so, I was sitting on the dresser, right? And we were just talking like normal and I was drying his hair and‒”

“I can’t believe he asked you to dry his hair for him and you thought he was straight.”

Alex pursed his lips for a moment and thought about. “Okay, but considering he’s a 5’11 baby, I feel like he’d have me do that if he was straight.”

Maria tilted her head back and forth as she considered it. “Okay, valid, continue.”

“So he just kinda stares at me for a moment and I was like ‘what are you doing?’ and he was like ‘I’m gonna go take my test’ and I told him to go and then he pulled me off the dresser,” Alex said, feeling flustered all over again as he thought about it. In the moment, it’d startled him due to the quick movement, but now it made his heart race for a completely different reason. 

“Like, by what? Arms, thighs, waist?” Maria quizzed, clearly trying to picture it in her mind. Alex giggled again and she just smiled at him.

“No, it was by my literal foot. I tried to kick him and he pulled me off by my foot,” he explained.

“And he managed to catch you?” Maria clarified.

“Yeah, he caught me and pulled me like real close, like, full-on chest to chest, I could smell his toothpaste and stale vodka kinda close,” Alex said. Maria gave an impressed look.

“Damn.”

“Right? And then I was like ‘hey, are you fucking with me because that’s rude’ and shit, but then he just kissed me.”

“What kinda kiss? Like, a peck or, like, the Notebook, kissing in the rain kinda kiss?”

“It was just a little peck,” Alex said, bitting down on his bottom lip as he played it over in his mind for the billionth time, “At first.”

“Oh my God.”

“I know! So, he gives me a little peck and then he pulls back just enough to make sure I was into and then I was just suddenly it was like all tongue and skilled shit that I barely knew how to follow and he was basically holding me up at that point because I think I was dying. Seriously, Maria, I know I don’t have much to compare it to, but he kisses like a fucking god,” Alex groaned, but he was still feeling fuzzy. She was smiling at him all the same.

“I bet, he’s got great lips,” she pointed out. Alex tossed his head back as he thought about them. They really were great. “So now what?”

“I have no idea,” he admitted, “I haven’t talked to him since it happened. He had a Chem test this morning and then he probably took a nap while I was in Calc, so no time to talk. Then he should be getting out of Philosophy and heading to his Calc class right now.” Maria snorted, shaking her head.

“You have his schedule memorized?” she asked.

“Well, yeah,” Alex said like it was obvious. Maria pressed her fingers to her lips.

“I don’t have my roommate’s schedule memorized,” she said, biting back a teasing laugh, “I don’t even know her last name.” 

Alex shrugged again. She knew that he was weirdly close to Michael and that he posed as some sort of caretaker, but she didn’t really know the extent. He didn’t want to share that he washed his clothes and pulled him out of bed and packed his backpack. He knew from an outsider perspective, he sounded like a pushover, but he wasn’t really ready to face that fact.

Instead, he’d much rather focus on the fact that he’d been kissed.

“Oh, you’re such a goner,” Maria laughed, “But he really hasn’t even texted you?”

“No,” he admitted, pouting slightly as reality slowly began to seep in, “What if he doesn’t actually feel the same and he just kissed me for no reason? What if it makes things weird? Or, worse, what if he moves out because he did it while he was drunk and he’s embarrassed?”

“Okay, now you’re just overreacting,” she teased, “I’m sure he’s just busy with school.”

“Knowing him, his phone is probably dead,” Alex said, blowing out a breath of air, “I’m kinda scared to go back to my dorm.”

“Why?” she scoffed.

“Because what if he doesn’t come back?” he pointed out, “He goes and gets plastered every night. What are the odds he’s going to actually come and have an adult conversation with me?”

“Oh, honey,” Maria said, “You expect a boy like that to have an adult conversation with you?” 

Alex stared at her for a moment and painfully realized she was right. There was no adult conversation to be had. They kissed, it was good, but that was probably it. Maybe it would happen again, but the chances were that he would be confused the whole time.

“I’m stupid for liking him, aren’t I?”

“It happens to the best of us.”

-

Sure enough, Alex was right. Michael didn’t come back after class.

Instead, he stumbled in at 2 in the morning, bringing the strong scent of weed with him and waking him up in the process. Alex didn’t show any signs that he’d woken up because he didn’t really want to speak to him again until he was sober. He knew he wouldn’t be getting the benefit of an adult conversation, but he could confront him Michael knew where he stood. 

And where he stood was this: stupidly in love with his roommate who he’d known for, like, two months and had already become his mother.

“Hey,” Michael said, voice soft as though he was trying to be quiet despite the fact he was literally right beside Alex’s bed. Alex tried not to react, keeping his face to the wall and staying still as he felt Michael touch his shoulder. “Hey, Alex, wake up.”

“Why?” he asked tiredly, “It’s two in the morning.”

“Prime time for talking,” Michael decided. That caught Alex’s attention and he rolled over, facing the man who was just high enough to look at him with a sweet smile. 

“Talking?” Alex asked, rubbing his fist against his eye, “You wanna talk about why you kissed me?” Michael searched his face with his bloodshot eyes, smile falling just a little bit.

“Thought you didn’t mind.”

“I don’t,” Alex yawned, “I do mind that you proceeded to ghost me for 18 hours after.”

“I didn’t ghost you.”

Alex pushed himself up onto his elbow and scoffed, “Oh, yeah? What do you call it when you kiss someone and then ignore them until you’re high again?”

Michael didn’t answer, just stared at him for a moment. It had Alex questioning why he even woke him up in the first place. Clearly, all he wanted to do was stare at him. Or maybe he was high enough to think this was a successful conversation. Alex wouldn’t put it past him.

Before Alex could tell him to go to bed, however, Michael leaned in for another kiss. His breath wasn’t great and the tip of his nose was fucking freezing where it pressed in beside Alex’s, but the idea of pulling away seemed beyond his better judgment. Because Alex was sleepy and desperate and he couldn’t seem to think of a reason not to kiss most boys back, much less this one in particular.

Michael’s hand reached for his face after the first, closed-mouth kiss, using it as leverage as he pushed himself up onto his toes to get in a better one. Alex could feel his heart picking up the pace and something low in his stomach turned as he parted his lips first this time. Michael smiled at the sensation and tilted his head, placing one open-mouthed kiss on his lips that seemed to only serve the purpose of catching Alex’s bottom lip between his teeth. He pulled back, bringing Alex with him just a little and just smiled at him when he let go. That’s when Alex should’ve stopped it, should’ve said, “you can’t just seduce me like that” and sent him to his own bed.

But, instead, he grabbed the back of Michael’s head and pushed his tongue into his mouth despite the fact he tasted like pot. If Michael was going to act like that, Alex was going to at least get something out of it.

So, they stayed in that uncomfortable position, Alex’s hand in his hair and kissing him feverishly. Michael kissed back with just as much desperation, his inebriated state causing him to make little content, desperate noises over and over. Each time Alex tugged on his hair or held him in place to kiss him harder or did something that should’ve been gross or sloppy but felt hot in the moment, he’d make those little noises and it was driving Alex insane.

Michael was trying hard to get closer, all but balancing on the edge of Alex’s bed by his chest and hands. It made it sort of hard for him to breathe and yet he still never stopped kissing him, choosing that over breathing. Alex moved his hand to his bicep, squeezing it as he pulled away slightly.

“Okay, you are basically panting into my mouth right now,” Alex whispered, “And that’s really only hot when you’re wearing less clothing.”

Michael blinked hard, seeming to marvel at him with a look that again had Alex feeling like it was a glitch. If he had any sort of faith that Michael liked him that way, he may have even considered it to be lovesick.

But then, in the blink of an eye, Michael hoisted himself up and scrambled onto the bed. Alex couldn’t help but laugh as Michael squished into the small bed with him, moving in for another kiss which he accepted willingly. His hand stayed in Michael’s hair and Michael’s hand went to his waist, legs interlocking as they pressed close. He wasn’t sure if it was required since the bed was so small or because he just wanted to be that close.

They kissed for awhile, kissed until fatigue started taking over again, kissed until Alex was too tired to kiss back. That in itself was strange. He couldn’t remember a time he’d ever been that comfortable. And, technically, this whole thing made him anxious because he had no idea what Michael wanted. But here he was, falling asleep.

“Hey,” Michael whispered, placing a hand on his cheek and smoothing out one of his eyebrows. Alex lazily opened his eyes to try to stay away for him, but he was tired and the feeling of Michael’s leg in between his was possibly his new favorite comfort method and his eyes closed right back. “I’m sorry I’m fucked up. I don’t wanna fuck you up.”

Alex hummed in response, fading even more until he was asleep entirely. Still, Michael pressed a kiss to his forehead and held him.

When Alex woke up the next morning, Michael had already gotten up and gone to class all by himself.

#malex #malex fic #michael guerin #alex manes #roswell new mexico #my fic #did you know vlamis is 5'11? #i thought that man was short #i guess he's like lily's height but i just ASSUMED #verse: and you make me feel sober

[danses-with-dogmeat]

Romanced companions react to an autistic!Sole having a meltdown because of sensory overload?

Romanced!Companions React to Autistic!Sole with Sensory Overload Anxiety

This was a great prompt! I hope I was able to do it justice, I wanted to get it posted, but I also desperately need sleep 😅 But thank you so much for the ask, Anon! I might expand on this more at a later date as well, when my brain decides to function again. 

This prompt with FO3 and FONV

Cait:

She understood Sole's reaction more than the specific cause of the overload. It seems like all Cait has ever been around are stressful and overstimulating situations, so it’s difficult for her to differentiate occurrences that will cause Sole distress and those that wont. Once Sole was able to specify what it was that was bothering them, Cait would put an end to it. Preventing whatever it may be from doing her partner any more harm. She’s not a particularly soft person, everyone knows that, but she can’t stand seeing Sole like this. She may not know a whole lot of fancy breathing exercises that are medical journal standard, but she knows enough from her own experience to be able to improvise something in the way of support for her partner. 

Curie:

She would be an absolute pro. Like, the perfect combo between health professional, and understanding romantic partner. If their surroundings were secure, she would focus all her energy on helping Sole, doing breathing and grounding exercises to help them through their breakdown in a clinical way. In the aftermath of Sole's overload, Curie would turn back to doting girlfriend as she looks after her love, helping them to come down from their nerves and maybe being just a tad too touchy feely for them in this instance. But she means well!

Danse:

If this were to happen in the midst of combat, Danse would instantly take a more defensive position, and would root himself firmly between Sole and any enemies they may be facing. In other instances, he would use what he had learned in the Brotherhood when it came to PTSD episodes that he would experience for himself. He would remove them from the pressured conditions they found themselves in, taking them for a walk to calm their nerves, engaging in breathing exercises with them, and encouraging speech when it seemed possible. He would try to be supportive in every way he could, but Sole would have to be patient with their partner when it came to more intimate forms of comfort, as Danse tends to turn back to soldier-type tendencies in these situations. As a more preventative measure, Danse would attempt to craft a power armor helmet modification that could aid in depleting noise during combat, and otherwise try and dull the senses to make the outside environment more bearable for Sole.

Deacon:

He would actually be really good at dealing with this situation? Given his own experiences in life, and the many interactions he's had with a variety of types of people (and synths) in stressful situations, he would be able to sympathize with Sole, trying to draw any attention away from them, knowing that'll only make it worse, and helping them recover afterwards. He wouldn't be phased at all by their outburst and would try to help calm them down by making a few jokes here and there, if only to let them know that it wasn't a big deal to him.

Hancock:

His mostly chill demeanor would work wonders on Sole's nerves when they were around him. He was just so easy going, and non-judgmental and he seemed to never strip their energy from them when they spent time with him. Should they get themselves into a situation where sensory overload does occur, he'd do his best to guide Sole to a safe place where they can unwind and focus on returning their breathing to normal. If they think chems will help, he'll be more than happy to oblige, even going so far as to specifically scavenge whatever type of treatment chem that Sole had in mind for these overwhelming instances and would always keep it on his person.

MacCready: 

He’s a little panicked himself in these types of situations, but he makes an effort to be the calm one of the two. He finds his way to Sole in whatever way he can, looking into their eyes and trying to ground them with his voice as he desperately tries to keep it from shaking. He’s never had any formal training or anything like that, but when his PTSD episodes flare up, he has a few tricks that he uses to get back to reality; identifying objects around him, breathing in through his nose, sitting down with his head between his knees. He’ll try and suggest a few ways Sole can deal with their overload, going through the motions himself as well, since his partner’s anxiety tends to somehow inject itself into him whenever these meltdowns occur.   

Nick:

He’s calm, collected, and used to dealing with people in distress. It’s like he was built for this. Though he isn’t as familiar first-hand with the reactions that the human body has in these types of situations, he knows how to help. He’ll quickly try and get them out of the environment that is causing their meltdown, or eliminate the person or thing responsible for causing their anxiety. Afterwards he will try to help them come out of it easily and on their own terms, trying not to pressure them, but acting as a source of unwavering support for however long it takes for them to settle down. 

Piper: 

The woman truly tries her best, but it always frightens her when Sole is panicked in this way. She’s just too damn empathetic when it comes to Sole, that she can’t help but dissolve into the same state of discomfort and panic that her partner finds themself in. She would try anything to calm herself down and would frantically gesture for Sole to join her as she works on her breathing, counting, and amateur grounding exercises. As the pair come out of their shared panic, she’ll try to return to her normal self as soon as possible. Once her breathing returned to normal and Sole calmed down as well, she would offer her companion some much needed verbal and physical support, as well as some snack material to replenish their strength in the aftermath of their overload. 

Preston: 

The man is the definition of “works well under pressure;” he knows what it feels like to let people down, to lose people because of his mistakes, and he doesn’t intend for that to happen again. Ever. Especially when it comes to Sole. When his partner is in a compromised position, feels uncomfortable, or looks like they're about to have a meltdown, Preston is immediately at their side, putting himself in harm's way in order to ensure their safety and comfortability. He tries to use his voice, which for some reason he can keep totally calm even when he's under great stress, to keep them grounded. Counting along with them as they try to stay focused and keep from becoming completely overwhelmed. He is usually able to calm them down before their discomfort can escalate to the point of a meltdown, but if for whatever reason he can’t, he’ll be there to support them through the entire ordeal. Afterwards, he’ll speak softly to them, taking them far away from whatever situation was the cause of their stress, and ask if there was anything more he could have done to help. 

X6-88: 

X6 tends to notice when Sole is becoming uncomfortable even before they themself know. He’s memorized the types of environments that tend to set them off, and if it’s possible, he tries to usher them away from the cause of their anxiety before it can become an issue. If he is unable to do so, X6 will then take control of the situation as best as he can, eliminating points of stress almost to the point of overdoing it. There may be instances where Sole has to pull him out of his protective frenzy as he relentlessly removes anything that could be causing Sole's distress. In that case, X6 tends to provide enough of a distraction himself to be able to help Sole focus and stay grounded as they try to aid him. Does he do it intentionally? If they ask, he'll insist he doesn't know what they're talking about. He’ll just thank them calmly for assisting him, and begin to tend to their needs in the aftermath of their distress, assessing their physicality and mental state before allowing them to continue their travels. 

#fallout #fallout companions reacts #fallout companions reactions #fallout companions react #fallout companions #fallout 4 #fallout 4 companions #fallout 4 companions reacts #fallout 4 companions react #fallout 4 companions reactions #fallout 4 headcanons #fo4 #fallout cait #cait fo4 #fallout curie #curie fallout 4 #fallout danse #danse fo4 #paladin danse #fallout deacon #deacon fo4 #fallout hancock #hancock fo4 #john hancock #fallout maccready #maccready fallout 4 #rj maccready #fallout nick valentine #nick valentine #fallout piper

[youmustbestrongernow]

You are always so kind when answering stuff. And you are very knowledgeable and explain it in a way that I always understand everything and English is not my mother tongue 🙈

Also you do give wise vibes of. And you do know a lot about gender, autism etc. but you also always stress how it is individual. You are not speaking for everyone. So yeah I admire that. You are a great person.

This comes of as Theo appreciation post and it should be. You are one of my safe blogs on here. Never drama, only kindness, helpfulness and beautiful heartwarming writing.

Also do you speak other languages? Like the 'they' does not really work in other languages like Spanish, german, french etc. Would you then go with the male pronoun? Or would you do something else?

Also please do tell us things about chemistry. What do you like about chemistry? What do you do with chemistry? Do you need math for chemistry? Do you look like a mad scientist? With spiky hair and stuff? Do you you have an evil scientist laugh?

Ah this message made me smile so much anon, you’re too kind. It’s so nice you think I’m so knowledgeable, but also that my explanations seem clear, especially when I think they’re kind of rambly.

I like wise vibes, I like to think that fits me. I do get called wise quite a lot. Actually I’ve been called wise since I was a little kid and definitely not all that wise. I think it’s more in the way I answer, rather than the answer itself. But that’s the thing, though, I am always happy to give advice, always have been, and to explain things that I understand. But with autism, gender and race or anything else really, sometimes there is a definitive answer, sometimes there isn’t, but either way I like to draw on my own experiences to help explain my answers, and also share how I experience and feel it. Now for some people that will click for them and be very helpful, but I always stress that it is my own personal experience because for others their experience will be different but no less valid and I never want to make anyone doubt themselves.

A theo appreciation post, I love that, it’s so sweet of you. But I like that i’m a safe blog for you, I don’t know I just feel like that suits me, like I don’t think I’ve ever been involved in drama, I’m not a very dramatic person. Funny thing though, I often see mention of drama and people talking about it, mentioning that they’re avoiding said drama, but I never see the drama itself so it always kinda passes me by and I just keep blogging away with my writing and random things I find funny, and of course answer these asks. So yes I’ll strive to remain safe and drama free, and continue to use this to share my stories.

I would say speak is pushing it but… I did learn German in secondary school (up to a-level no less) however it would be a push to say I could speak it. I would like to learn it properly, rather than for an exam because that's a different way of learning, for me at least. But yes I have been asked by a German friend what pronouns to use when she is talking about me to others in German, and for me I am happy for her to use male pronouns or just my name, as as far as I am aware there is little alternative for her to use, and the same applies to titles too, although that would be rather formal! 

But yes that’s what I would use, I would be curious to know what others use, especially if you have to navigate the language on a day to day basis, because for me it’s fairly easy, I use male pronouns comfortably but also I have the language for neutral pronouns in English. It would be different for someone who only had neutral pronouns and had no language for it. I did think about this alot when writing Tay, and then Matteo, (and one other character but thats a spoiler) as nonbinary, and how they would be called in German, but I tried not to get too caught up in it because I don’t have enough grasp of the german to figure it out. 

Ah chemistry, no I added that at the end because I always stress that I’m not an expert or qualified in most of the things I answer and advise on. I did however used to be a chemist so I wouldn’t have to make that disclaimer if asked a chemistry question, which amused me because I feel like I know more about gender and autism at this point. For me real experience is far easier than book knowledge. That being said I do love chemistry, well actually all science but chemistry is the one that clicked for me. I like the practical aspect of chemistry, working in a lab. When I was in a lab my job was analysing drugs, so it was performing lots of cool tests to get an answer. I think you need maths to study chemistry. I didn’t do maths for a-level, we’re only allowed to do three/four and I wanted to do bio, chem, physics and german, so I didn’t have space for maths, also it would have killed me. But I figured that I would get enough maths from physics. But when I got to uni anyone who didn’t do maths or physics did have to do a catch up course which was the equivalent of an a-level so I guess technically I do have maths. However when I was working as a chemist I would say no, nothing more than basic maths, excel did the maths for me. 

I don’t think I look like a mad scientist although I do have mad hair. I have an afro which is currently growing out of control because I can’t get it cut so it’s just getting bigger and bigger, and it’s usually purple or blue so I would say mad but not typical mad scientist hair. 

#so that got long #but it was really fun to answer #and as i think about it now #i guess probably the reason i love to give advice #is probably because i had no one to turn to for advice myself #so i always want to help someone who's feeling like that #but it's the same with answering questions in general #if it's something someone is just curious about #i do see a lot of asks on my dash answered quite harshly #and it's just weird to me #like if someone is asking me something it's because they don't know #being harsh or making them feel stupid doesn't help #not everyone knows everything or how to find it out you know? #Anonymous #ask theo

[brainsdivided]

Uncommon Questions for OC’s and Their Creators (1/2)

(Art by Yesjejunus!)

I saw @bloody-fists-beating-hearts and @socksual-innuendos​ doing it so I’m answering all of them cause I can and I love my boys. Original by @cassandrapentayaaaaas​

So I don’t take up someone’s entire dash, peep under cut for it :) 

ps. some warning: read tags for any mentions of triggers or things you find uncomfortable, Isaac and Ezekiel have had tough lives and since a lot of that occurs during childhood it may cause some distress for readers.

QUESTIONS FOR YOUR OCs:

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

Ezekiel? Never. If it looks like he’s doing nothing, he’s actually daydreaming or bouncing his leg or fiddling with pieces of his clothes. Isaac also cannot sit still. This starts to change as he gets older, but when he moves to Zion he needs to be keeping his mind active on a physical thing, like studying.How easy is it for your character to laugh?

Ezekiel will laugh at just about anything. He’s a child at heart and will crack a giggle and the smallest of things. Even when he’s in combat, you might hear a devilish chuckle. Isaac is different, because of his teenage years, he doesn’t feel as much happiness as he once did. Genuine laughs are rare and at most, he’ll give a weak light-hearted laugh, especially when recalling a good story. For kids, he’ll feign a belly laugh.

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

Ezekiel never puts himself to bed. It will always be Joshua or Isaac that reads or talks him to sleep just as Courier Six once did. If Ezekiel is alone, he will think himself to sleep. If Joshua is available and not willing to put Ezekiel to bed and depriving him of comfort items, he will scream and cry himself to exhaustion.  Isaac has cried and screamed himself to exhaustion on more than one occasion but will never admit it. he does his best to fall asleep to music on the radio or on a holotape.

How easy is it to earn their trust?

It’s not very easy to gain either brothers’ trust. Ezekiel follows the ‘If you’re a friend of theirs, you’re a friend of mine’ phrase. Isaac doesn’t trust anyone completely until he spends enough time around them. He believes everyone has good in them and will give them the benefit of the doubt, BUT he won’t be caught off guard if someone happens to turn on him. 

How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

For either brother, the second you turn on one of them or their family and friends, it’s game over. Ezekiel won’t take verbal or physical acts lightly, but if it’s verbal, Isaac will offer a second chance. He won’t give out a third.

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

Ezekiel will follow laws that he feels he doesn’t need to break at the time. If he can justify it, including ‘Cause I can, there’s no one to stop me’ he will break it. Isaac follows all laws, even the ones he doesn’t want to. For the ones he doesn’t want to, he’ll find ways to bend them, especially if they’re immoral/unreasonable in his eyes. Best example I can give is in the Legion, not sure if it’s actually a law, but, women are treated as breeding stock and that’s it. Isaac had slaves but would only treat them as such around the other legionaries. Behind closed doors, he cooks for them and looks after them personally. Never once did he use them as breeding stock.  

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

Ezekiel is in almost a complete state of nostalgia constantly as he unconsciously tries to live his old life in Goodsprings in Zion. Good food, sleeping in a quiet camp, hunting, learning from Joshua/father-figure, etc. helps keep him grounded in his world. Isaac often receives nostalgia from intrusive memories, but as a physical thing, probably his appearance. In a fit of fear and rage, he destroyed his mirror and where the river runs next to his home he added extra rocks to help disfigure his reflection when he’s near the water. It brings him great pain to see his own face and body due to the scars he received from the Legion. 

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?

Pre-story... Ezekiel was probably told to stop beating up kids for minor offenses and Isaac was probably told to not worry so much about Ezekiel doing dangerous things.

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

Both swear and neither remember when they first did.

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

Isaac’s most common lie is the typical “I’m fine.” a lie that isn’t spoken about except when before the story takes place, is that the Courier was very sick, but Isaac, Courier, and Cass made Ezekiel believe otherwise so that Ezekiel could continue to dream of the amazing man his dad once was. Which that in itself would be haunting, because he’s holding up a dam of terrible things. While Ezekiel would constantly say “No.” to the question, “Did you eat anything you weren’t supposed to?” 9/10, he ate something he wasn’t supposed to. That doesn’t haunt him, but he’ll regret lying when he ends up with intestinal obstruction or food poisoning. 

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

As soon as the confusion hits, depending on the scenario and how he’s feeling he might interrupt the conversation to ask for clarification or he’ll tune out what’s being said so that he can think on his thoughts. Isaac will pretend he understands if the conversation isn’t relating to something dire. 

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

Isaac will ask his brother or a friend for help but if he’s alone, he’ll use a stick or his wall. Ezekiel will go up to anyone and ask, but if not, he’ll turn into a yao gui and rub his back on anything. GOTTA GET THAT ITCH.

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

Ezekiel likes orange and Isaac likes white. I think they could both pull off black. Anyone can, black is a flattering color but who would want to wear that in the desert sun?

What animal do they fear most?

Ezekiel doesn’t have a lot of fear towards any creature, but I’d say feral ghouls or Deathclaws and Isaac fears spore carriers.

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

Ezekiel will always say what comes to mind. Isaac will think before he speaks.

What makes their stomach turn?

I’ve got nothing for Ezekiel, but Isaac would barf if he smelled or saw a rotting corpse. 

Are they easily embarrassed?

Ezekiel is fine being quirky but there are some situations that makes him a radstag in flashlight. Isaac feels more shame than embarrassment. 

What embarrasses them?

Ezekiel has been known to wet the bed even into early adulthood. Also, while he is fine playing with kid-oriented items, depending on his current emotion and he’s made fun of, he’ll either respond with embarrassment or anger. Isaac gets second-hand embarrassment from Ezekiel’s behaviors sometimes. He once wet the bed and was caught by Daniel when doing laundry but it was agreed to never be brought up or mentioned again. He mostly feels embarrassment/shame when doing or caught using chems.

What is their favorite number?

Ezekiel’s is the number 6 because Courier Six was his dad. Isaac does not have a favorite number.

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

Oh boy. Ezekiel might not be able to tell the difference. He might just say that romantic love makes ‘funny things happen’ so to speak even as an adult. All three might overlap for him. Though I guess it would depend on the person reading since my RP partner did not like when I had Ezekiel be affectionate towards Joshua (Hugging and asking to share a bed) as ‘boys don’t always ask their dads for hugs or to sleep with them, it’s inappropriate’ but if daughters can do that with their mothers, who cares? 

Isaac would go on a long shpeel about the psychology of romantic, platonic, and familial love, I’m too tired to write how he’d explain it.

Why do they get up in the morning?

Ezekiel gets up because it’s a new day and the second he opens his eyes, he’s a ball of energy! Breakfast. Also breakfast. Isaac gets up for the people he loves and for the people who need him.

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?

Ezekiel gets vocal. He’ll make sure you know that you’re spending too much of his time around his brother or Joshua. Isaac will get quiet. 

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)?

Ezekiel will take what he wants/intervene. Isaac might get bitter about it, but he’ll remind himself that there are others that are more important or who need it more.

Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom?

Their thoughts on this is pretty similar regardless of age, but speaking from age ranges 18-23, Ezekiel doesn’t really understand it, so he’ll talk to anyone about it. When he does, he’s blunt about it, too which makes for some comedic relief when Joshua is involved in the conversation. Isaac won’t really talk about it if he’s involved. If he does, it’s with Daniel or with whoever he ends up sleeping with. If it’s in a medical context, it doesn’t matter the person. 

What are their thoughts on marriage?

Ezekiel doesn’t have an opinion on marriage, but his brother and godfather would feel as though he isn’t ready for a relationship, yet. Isaac likes when others get married, but he himself does not feel worthy of a steady relationship.

What is their preferred mode of transportation?

Walking.

What causes them to feel dread?

When Ezekiel gets caught doing something he shouldn’t by Joshua. Isaac - when it’s night, his generator dies, and when his radio stops working simultaneously or when Daniel forbade him that one time from studying and working because he nearly worked himself to death.

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth?

Both would want the truth, but Ezekiel believes in a lie that his brother and mother once told.

Do they usually live up to their own ideals?

Ezekiel believes he’s the best at almost everything and Isaac knows he could do better, but it’s too late.

Who do they most regret meeting?

N/A

Who are they the most glad to have met?

locating Joshua was Ezekiel’s primary goal when running from Goodsprings so I’d imagine that he’d be glad to have found him. Isaac’s could be either Daniel or an unnamed Legion girl.

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke?

Ezekiel would try to talk casually about his parents’ death and of the crimes he’s committed. Isaac doesn’t have a go-to.

Could they be considered lazy?

Yes and no. To others, they’d be lazy, but Isaac has depression and insomnia, and Ezekiel’s behavior is similar to a child so he may just be stubborn.

How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt?

If the guilt was brought on by Joshua, Ezekiel would need some reassurance directly from him to fix it. Isaac is constantly ridden with guilt.

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive?

Both are supportive!

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?

Neither seeks romance. Isaac might look for partners for one night stands, but that’s it.

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)?

Both are very good at matching names to faces, but Ezekiel uses his fingers to count and sometimes uses melodies. Isaac likes to file things.

What memory do they revisit the most often?

So far that’s been thought of, Ezekiel revisits the death of his parents most often and Isaac revisits the possible events that led up to him becoming a decanus. 

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?

Ezekiel is willing to forget them if they didn’t directly wrong him. Isaac never forgets, he just chooses to overlook them but still keeping them in mind.

How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

Ezekiel never really recognizes his flaws until they’re pointed out. As he gets older though he does start to acknowledge them more. A scene I’ve thought of is when he’s 22 and still playing with children’s toy soldiers. He plays with them with little enthusiasm, abandoning his amusements not by choice. Isaac is aware of his flaws but doesn’t try to better them, but instead tries to better others. 

How do they feel about children?

Ezekiel at times believes he is a child, and will try to engage with other children. Some find it creepy but those that know him are fine with it because they know he has good intentions. Isaac is passionate about children and will protect them with his life. While escaping the legion, he had recruits younger than him that he helped escape, some ending up being adopted out to Dead Horse, Sorrows, and New Canaanite families. Even in the Legion, Isaac showed all children he came across respect and kindness.

How badly do they want to reach their end goal?

Neither truly has an end goal. Isaac wants to see the Legion end in a way where it’s people can recover as quickly as possible, so by working with the Followers of the Apocalypse, he can help out stragglers. Ezekiel just wants to become someone Joshua can be proud of. Be the son he never had and never expected to have.

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so?

Isaac would say that he used to be attracted to women, but because he spent so much time around women who loved and cherished him for his kindness, he’d find it wrong to date someone who only loved that he was kind to them. He still finds women attractive, just not enough to act on it. As for men, he could tell you who is handsome, but in a platonic way. 

Ezekiel couldn’t tell for the longest time what he was attracted to, but in an alternative story line, when he thought it was women, he ended up finding himself feeling more for a man.

#Isaac cassidy #ezekiel cassidy #fallout new vegas #Joshua graham #daniel #honest hearts #tw: child neglect #tw: child abuse #tw: slavery #tw: scars #tw: parental death #tw: drugs

[secretsantasides]

Gift #18: Tutoring Sessions

Gift for  @problemtique​

Request: Analogical, Highschool au where Virgil is Super Smart but prefers to hide it Logan finds out and is GAY

Virgil sat at his usual table watching crowds of students bustle about. He eyed people who got too close to his table. Whenever someone caught his eye, they hurried along. He didn’t really mean to scare them. He simply had a resting face that screamed anger. During middle school, he tried to be friendly, but it never worked out in the end. So freshman year Virgil had found himself with Dolos and Remus- the two local delinquents. Everyone feared them and began to fear Virgil for being associated with them.

He didn’t mind. He adopted his closet to match their’s. Black jeans and tops. Dark purple hoodies and high tops. Heavy eyeshadow and dyed hair. After some time, Virgil found comfort in the dark aesthetic. He found comfort in the other’s presences. In Dolos’ dry and witty humor dripping sarcasm and how he always made sure people had somewhere to belong.In Remus’ loud laughter(albeit annoying as it was loud) and how he never judged anyone for anything. Everyone viewed them as bad and no good, but they were simply chaotic. And Virgil stuck with them throughout the past four years.

His thoughts came to a halt as a familiar face passed by. Virgil could feel blush painting his cheeks as he watched the boy. The other male’s blue eyes were framed by thick black glasses. He wore a dark button up shirt and jeans as he usually would. His movements were sharp, but fluid in a way that mesmerized Virgil. He could hear his heart beating in his ears and could only hope he was the only one who could hear it. The male continued to walk along and sat down at another table a few yards away. He nodded to the other two at the table before opening a book. He always read books during lunch. Virgil knew he had cooking after lunch so he simply ate then. Similar to how Virgil ate his lunch during his cooking period beforehand. And, oh, how he wished they had been put in the same class.

“Watching Logan again?” a voice startled Virgil. He jumped and glanced towards the direction where it came from. Remus grinned teasingly at Virgil as he sat down beside him. Dolos rolled his eyes as he took his seat opposite of the two.

“That’s a stupid question. Of course he was. When is Virgil not watching Logan during lunch?” Dolos chuckled.

Virgil cursed them under his breath before speaking louder, “You say that like I stalk him or something.”

“Why don’t you go talk to him?” Remus podded.

“Because he’s the model student of the school and I’m a delinquent maybe? Or have you forgotten that?” Virgil opened his backpack and pulled out two tupperware kits. He slid one to each of the others, “Here. We made Korean beef and rice today.”

The two thanked him as they began to eat. Dolos smiled, “I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again, you’re a really good cook Virgil.” He paused for a brief moment before exclaiming, “I know! How about you cook something for Logan? That might get his attention.”

“And paint myself as a weirdo? Like, ‘Hey, I know we haven’t properly talked since seventh grade, but I really liked you back then and I still like you! Have this cake I made for you!’? No thanks.”

The three fell silent as Dolos and Remus continued to eat. Virgil’s attention shifted back to Logan. He would glance up occasionally when one of his friends said something. Sometimes Virgil found himself jealous of Patton and Roman for being best friends with Logan. But he quickly tossed those feelings aside. There was nothing to be jealous of.

A shrill bell rang out announcing the end of lunch. Virgil shoved his tupperware back into his bag and waved goodbye to Remus as he headed off. Dolos and Virgil shared language arts after lunch so they made their way to the classroom together. The class was boring per usual. The pair sat next to one another and passed notes instead of focusing on the movie. Virgil had read the book plenty of times and seen the movie many more. He even owned the movie. He already knew everything about it and knew he would ace the test.

The class after that was chemistry with Mr. Sanders. Virgil dreaded this class, but it was also his favorite. The class itself was okay and Mr. Sanders was kind and friendly. Yet Logan was also in the class. While he wasn’t aware of it, he always managed to distract Virgil.

The purple haired teen walked into the classroom and made a bee line for his seat. It was several desks away from the door. He kept his eyes down the whole time to avoid glancing over at his crush who was seated four rows ahead of him. When the bell rang to begin class Virgil began to count down the minutes until it was over. Everytime he looked up to check the spelling of his notes or the clock, his eyes drifted to the back of Logan. He could see the other’s muscles moving through the black fabric as he wrote.

Virgil tore his eyes away from Logan’s back. He looked anywhere else. At the black tables lining the room that are used for experiments. At other students’ bags or shoes. At the cabinet full of various supplies. They landed on the clock. Thirty more minutes. Finally, he figured he’d tune back into the lesson. Every so often, he’d catch himself staring at Logan’s back again. And each time he’d force his attention elsewhere.

Just as the class was packing up, Logan approached Mr. Sanders. Virgil watched in curiosity as they spoke. Mr. Sanders smiled and clapped his hands together to gain the class’s attention. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked up at him.

“Class, Logan has just told me that he is now going to start offering one-on-one tutoring for those who need and- or want it. He is writing his number on the board so anyone who wants can contact him to set up a session,” Mr. Sanders beamed.

Logan sure enough had his number written on the board in large, clear numbers. Virgil realized this was his first time seeing his hand writing. It was crisp and neat and… Actually really pretty. The raven haired male spoke up, “Do not call or text me after nine o'clock or before five thirty. Please do not spam me nor call during school hours. I can help through text or over the phone if you can not meet in person. That is all.”

Without thinking, Virgil jotted down the number and made note of when not to message or call. He closed his notebook and shoved it in his backpack just as the bell rang. The male bolted for the door and disappeared into a crowd of students.

“You should totally text him!” Remus exclaimed, “This is your chance Virge!”

Virgil groaned. He regretted telling Remus and Dolos about Logan’s tutoring sessions. Now they’d find some way to force him to text Logan. They wouldn’t rest until Logan agreed to go out with Virgil- or reject him completely. He should have never let Dolos borrow his chem notes. They’re not even that good. It’s mostly just a bunch of correct spelling. He should have known Remus was going to also look at them and asked about the number. I should have lied about it.

Remus kept pressing for Virgil to text Logan or to even call him. The purple haired male didn’t notice Dolos grab his phone and start typing away. With a chuckle, Dolos placed the phone back down in front of Virgil, “There. That fixes the issue.”

Virgil’s eyes narrowed at his bleach blonde friend. He quickly picked up his phone, “What fixes the issue? What did you do?”

“Set up a tutor session between you and Logan after school tomorrow.”

“I don’t need tutoring. I-” Virgil started before being cut off.

“Good thinking Dol!” Remus laughed and high hived Dolos.

Virgil stared down at his phone. A conversation between ‘him’ and Logan stared back. He felt like telling Logan the truth and cancelling the session. Surely he would understand… But what if he takes it the wrong way? Like I don’t need his help? Or that I think I’m above his help? Gah stupid Dolos…

“Fine. I’ll do this one session with him and that’s it. Got it?” Both Dolos and Remus nodded. “But Dol, you need to to talk to Roman then.”

Dolos’ face flushed. He opened his mouth a few times before closing it. Remus snickered at the sight. After a minute, Dolos nodded, “Deal.”

The next day was agonizing. Virgil had hoped he’d wake up sick to get out of the deal. Luck wasn’t on his side. He could hardly pay attention to his classes- not that he did half the time anyways. During lunch, Dolos informed him that he had spoken to Roman during Spanish class. Virgil didn’t believe him until Roman passed by and waved at Dolos.

By the time chemistry class rolled around, Virgil’s stomach was in knots. He lingered outside for a few minutes so he went in just before the bell rang. He hardly took notes and barely processed the words being said. When everyone started packing up, Logan approached Virgil.

“Hello Virgil. I would just like to confirm that we will be meeting in the library at three for your tutoring session,” Logan’s voice was flat and monotone. Yet Virgil’s heart leapt into his throat at the sound. He swallowed back the lump.

“Yeah… Totally… I’ll see you there!” He hated the words the second they left his mouth. Why did he have to say it like that? Logan nodded and the bell rang.

Virgil walked into the library to find Logan already at a table waiting. He walked over to the raven haired boy and sat down next to him. His brown eyes scanned the table. Logan already had his chemistry book and notes out. He began to pull his own out of his bag, “Hey Logan.”

“Virgil,” Was all he received back. When Virgil put his notebook on the table, Logan grabbed it, “May I look through your notes to see what all you have already?”

The purple haired male nodded. He watched as Logan frowned. His blue eyes piercing through Virgil. The latter smiled weakly as he already knew what his notebook looked like.

“This is nearly empty Virgil.”

“I know, I just…” Have most things down by memory... “Get confused as to what is important to write down and what isn’t?”

Logan sighed. He flipped through the notebook again, “We’ll start with definitions then move on from there.” Virgil nodded.

The session went smoothly. Logan was fairly patient and explained everything thoroughly. Virgil played dumb and asked for 'clarification’ occasionally. The hour flew by fast for the pair.

Virgil packed his things away. He messaged Dolos that the session was over. He watched as Logan began to pack up as well. He raised an eyebrow, “Don’t you have another session? I mean, you’re top student so plenty of people must want your help.”

“Everyone else simply texted me their questions. You are the only one who asked for a one-on-one session so far.”

“Oh.”

The two began to make their way to the parking lot. Virgil hated the silence. It made him anxious and uncomfortable. He had to break it, “Do you have your own car or are you getting picked up?”

Logan glanced at him, “I have my own car. Parents got me one when I turned sixteen. You?”

“I have my license, but can’t afford a car. Dolos is picking me up though,” Virgil explained.

“Ah. I see.”

A silence fell between them. They reached the student parking lot. It was relatively vacant with about ten cars. Virgil looked around for Dolos’ vehicle and groaned. He wasn’t here yet.

“I can give you a ride if your friend doesn’t show up,” Logan offered as he realized what Virgil groaned about.

Blush painted Virgil’s cheeks and he looked away from Logan hastily, “Thanks for the offer, but I’m sure he’ll show. He’s probably just trying to get his little sister into the car. He has to watch her while their mom is at work.” Why did I just tell him that? He didn’t need to know why Dolos is most likely late. He just needed to know that Dolos will show up.

“Um, okay then. Well,” Logan shrugged, “How about we have another session since you appear to need the help.”

Virgil’s heart pounded. He didn’t need the help. But this could be his chance to at least befriend Logan. He would be an idiot to waste this opportunity. “Yeah sure. I’m usually free whenever so whenever you can…” He trailed off.

“Tomorrow after school? Same time?”

“Yeah. Sounds good,” Virgil smiled.

Dolos pulled up just then. He waved at both of them. Virgil rolled his eyes and began to make his way to the car. He turned around quickly, “Bye Logan! I’ll… See you tomorrow?”

Logan waved with a nod, “Yes. Goodbye.”

Virgil hopped into the front seat and looked at the back seat. He waved at Trinity, “Hey Trin. How was your day at school?”

“We had a party! And I got to eat cake! And drink soda! And candy!” Trinity beamed. Virgil laughed and Trinity joined in.

“Ssssooo, Virgil… How’d your lil’ study session go, hmm?” Dolos asked.

The purple haired male faced his friend. Dolos shot him a glance. Virgil looked down at the floorboard, “It was good. He thinks I know absolutely nothing since my notebook is nearly empty- or was. He had me copy lots of his notes. And we… Uh… We’re having another session tomorrow.”

“Ooohhh. Virgil! Look at you! Willingly doing another session!”

“Shut up.”

The following weeks, Virgil met up with Logan after school two to three times a week. Remus and Dolos always poked fun at him. He always brushed off their remarks. He was content with where he was with Logan. They weren’t necessarily friends as they barely talked outside of the tutoring, but they were talking. And they were getting to know one another. Virgil told Logan about how he was an only child and how his parents were often at work. How they didn’t want him to work because they thought he should focus on school. How Dolos and Remus weren’t as bad as everyone seemed to think they were and how he’d never trade them out for anyone else.

In turn, he found out that Logan had a younger brother who was an eight grader and an older sister who was in college. He felt overshadowed by his siblings as the middle child and that why he made sure to make top student. He wanted his parents to be proud. And they are. Virgil also learned that Logan also didn’t have a job, but it was mostly due to his after school activities. That Logan’s best friends, Patton and Roman, always supported him at academic competitions.

Break time was rolling around and report cards were handed out first period. Virgil looked at his. All A’s. A few teacher’s left notes saying the typically “pleasure to have in class” while others were left blank. He stuffed the paper into a random notebook once he was done and left for his next class. Teachers throughout the day had also been giving back past works and tests. Virgil would have preferred to toss them out, but his parents wanted to see them. They could just look at his report card to know he was doing well in school, but they also wanted to ensure he was doing his work. So he tucked all the papers into their corresponding notebooks as he got them.

Virgil had a tutoring session later that day. He felt a bit bad about lying to Logan. Yet it got them talking so it was something. Besides, everyone else assumed he wasn’t very smart anyways. They all assumed because he preferred to do anything other than pay attention in classes, that he was failing. In reality, Virgil didn’t need to pay attention. He usually got most things down by memory after going over the materials a few times. He was much smarter than he let on. It’s not his fault everyone made assumptions just because he didn’t actively show it.

 Once Virgil entered the library, he looked around for Logan. He found him at a table near one of the windows. Logan saw him and waved him over. Virgil bit back a smile as he made his way to him, “Hey Lo.”

 “Hello Virgil,” Logan started, “Today will be shorter since break is coming up. There’s not a lot to review as Mr. Sanders prefers not to give us lots of work.”

 Virgil hummed in response. He pulled his notebook out and placed it down without looking as he pulled out his chemistry book. He looked up as he found it. Logan was flipping through all of the papers cramped in the notebook. Shoot! I forgot about them!

 Logan’s eyebrows furrowed. He set the stack down with a frown. Virgil began to sweat as anxiety started to creep in. Logan fixed Virgil with a look, “You don’t need this sessions, do you?”

 Virgil shook his head. His voice escaping him before he could explain.

 “Then why?”

 “Uhhh…” Virgil’s mouth felt dry as he worked fast on how to explain, “Well… Dolos actually was the one who texted you at first. And I was planning on telling the truth, but… I don’t know…”

 He shrugged and ducked his head trying to hide the blush settling on his cheeks. It was silent between them for several seconds. Virgil was growing more uncomfortable and his stomach twisted into knots.

 “Why did you keep doing them then? You, yourself, agreed to keep showing up.”

 “Well… I… Uhhh… Reallylikeyouandwantedtogettoknowyoubetteranddidn'treallyknowanyotherwaytosoyeah?” Virgil rushed out in a single breath.

 Logan blinked, “I’m sorry. I didn’t get all of that.”

 The purple haired male drew a shaky breath, “I said that I really like you and didn’t know how to talk to you. So I decided to use this time as an excuse to hang out…”

 “Oh.”

 Silence fell between them again. Virgil reached for his stuff to start packing up. He felt like ditching all of his stuff and running away. Logan’s hand stopped him as he rested it on top of Virgil’s.

 “You realize a simple ‘Hey Logan want to hang out sometime?’ would have sufficed? I wouldn’t have said no,” Logan said in a soft voice.

 Virgil froze. His eyes were glued on their hands. He could hear his heartbeat drumming in his ears. He started to slowly process what Logan told him.

 The raven haired male sighed. He rolled his eyes, “Hey Virgil. Want to hang out sometime?”

 Virgil’s eyes slid from where they were fixated to Logan’s face. His heart skipped a beat at the gentle smile Logan had, “But I lied to you?”

 “Yes, well, it was nothing major that you lied about. So how about I pick you up sometime during break and we go out to eat somewhere?”

 “Um… Yeah sure! Sounds great!” Virgil laughed nervously. His heart pounded in his chest. Holy shit that sounds a lot like a date. I don’t think I’ll survive!

 “Great! It’s a date then!” Logan stood up and began to walk off, “I’ll text you details later.”

 “D-date?!” Virgil exclaimed. He heard a shush come from presumably the librarian, but ignored it. Items forgotten, he scurried after the other.

 “Yes Virgil. A date,” Logan smiled back at him, “I do prefer someone smart that I can have intellectual conversations with.”

 He ended the sentence with a wink before exiting the library. Virgil nearly fainted at the words. Dolos and Remus were going to lose their minds when he tells them. He himself could barely believe it. Virgil squealed inwardly as he went back to collect his things. Logan actually asked me out on a date! I can’t believe this! And I can’t wait!

#fanfic #secretsantasides #analogical #logan sanders #ts logan #virgil sanders #ts virgil #deceit sanders #ts deceit #high school au #sanders sides