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canid-slashclaw · 4 years

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The Outliers - A Guild Wars Love Story

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapters 10 and 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16 , Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Six months passed since Kaleb and Amalthia had first moved in together. Since that time, she transferred some of her most important possessions from her father's place - including the ubiquitous workbench and welding components, which she set up in Ulfgar's back storage room. Kaleb, on the other hand, could not quite bring himself to return to his old homestead, especially considering the circumstances of his departure.

His tour of duty with the Seraph was over, so now he had far more free time available to establish his career options. During this time, both he and Amalthia began searching for hotspots throughout Tyria, hoping to cash in on their respective combat skills. Helping to clean towns of troublesome undead became a particular specialty of theirs.

***

Kaleb clamored up a small hill while waving a brightly colored banner that was attached at the end of a long pole. As he held the colorful object aloft, the mournful groans of the undead became ever louder.

"Hey! Over here you maggot shitters!" In spite of their various states of decomposition, they moved with surprising bursts of speed. So much so that one of them nearly snagged Kaleb by the ankle just as he was trying to sprint away. When he reached the top of the precipice, he found that his only avenue of escape had been blocked. The undulating mass of festering corpses began surging directly towards him as he threw down the banner then pulled out his revolvers. His weapons blazed as scores of the rotten creatures began to fall in droves. Seconds later, he saw a row of their heads explode followed by a thunderous crack.

"Keep up the good work, love. You're doing great," came Amalthia's voice from another precipice three hundred yards away. She waved to him while lying in the prone position with her high-powered long rifle tucked firmly against her shoulder. Several shots from her longarm destroyed half a dozen of the putrid creatures as they tried converging on Kaleb's position.

"A little more off the side, if you don't mind Miss Steelblade," Kaleb shouted as he felled several more of the creatures with his revolvers.

"Be more specific, Mr. Grimwald. Left or right?"

Twelve more zombies surged upon Kaleb's position. He quickly turned, reloaded then emptied all but two rounds in each gun as the corpses fell all around him.

"Whichever side is closest to killing me first would be great. Please and thank you."

Amalthia reloaded as well then lined up more heads for a multi-shot takedown. As the high-velocity rounds ripped through the row of skulls, showers of rotten brain matter splattered across Kaleb's face and clothing.

"Ugh! Well, that's one jerkin that's going to become a work shirt," he quipped as he tried his best to prevent the rest of his designer outfit from getting soiled from the remnants of the undead.

"Serves you right for wearing your church clothes to a risen slaughter," Amalthia shouted with laughter.

Kaleb chuckled at the comment and responded in kind. "Well, then I am appropriately dressed, cause this sort of thing is my kind of preying!"

"Pray or prey? Homophones are a bitch, aren't they?"

"Oh. Now you're just being factious. Clear my back."

Amalthia unleashed two more rounds, as one of the risen's body started to convulse after it had been relieved of its head. Reloading, six more to your left."

"Got 'em!"

He fired the remaining four rounds then as he reached down to reload, he found that his ammo reserved had been completely exhausted.

"I'm out. Hit me up for some reloads," Kaleb shouted as he locked his eyes upon hers.

She grabbed four bundles of replacement speedload rounds then, then using an atl ltl-type throwing device, hurled them in Kaleb's direction. With reflexes rivaling that of a cat he caught the reloads then promptly attempted to chamber a full load of them into each revolver. However, the undead were almost upon him by the time he was trying to reload.

"Looks like Bob is gonna get a workout today." Kaleb drew his longsword and began hacking away at the risen masses.

"Did you hear that? Something's coming, love - something big!" Amalthia's lower ears began to twitch from picking up the low frequency sound.

"My hearing isn't a sensitive as yours. You have any clues as to what it might be?" Kaleb asked as he finally had a chance to reload his guns.

Amalthia replied. "Nada. Surely even you can hear it now, because it's really, really close."

Kaleb readied for the next onslaught when, suddenly, a cluster of trees in front of him began to part. Rising up from the parted treetops, stood a massive humanoid figure that looked to be at least thirty feet tall.

"I may not have heard it, but I sure as hell see it. Giant... RUUNN!"

With a measure of speed even he had not dreamed was possible, Kaleb darted towards a mass of undead all the while firing wildly, hoping to avoid the giant that was rapidly coming his way. The creature's enormous stride quickly closed the gap as he tried desperately to avoid its grasp. It was too late.

The hideous decomposing monstrosity grasped hold of the young man, lifting him up towards its massive head. He fired several rounds into its skull but with no effect. As the creature's lipless jaws yawned opened to devour its prey, drawing Kaleb ever closer towards its foul-smelling mouth, the abomination's entire body began to convulse. Suddenly, the creature began to buckle to the ground. Kaleb looked up at its face and saw standing atop its head; the backlit form of a slender horned feline. When the monstrosity finally crumpled to the ground, Amalthia was standing over the creature with her longsword planted deeply into the base of its skull.

"Base of the neck. It's the only way to kill those things, silly!" Amalthia said as she loped off the vanquished foe on all fours. She then ran over to Kaleb and gave him a brief but passionate kiss.

"Well, I knew that. I was just firing for effect."

"Yeah, right. Sure you were. You panicked. Admit it!" She playfully chided him.

"Did not!" He stuck his tongue out.

"Bullshit. Did too! Be a man and fess up!"

"Okay, okay. I'll admit, I was a little freaked when a thirty foot monster was going to turn me into two-hundred and ten pounds of poop," Kaleb retorted.

"Um. The undead don't poop."

"They do too. Or else how else would they be able to keep eating so much."

"Well, I've never seen one poop," Amalthia shook her head while grinning in amusement over the nature of the conversation.

Upon gaining his composure, Kaleb pointed to the fallen giant. "Poop or no poop, that's quite a haul, there. Whaddya think? A hundred gold just for the big guy?"

Amalthia shook her head. "Nah. Fifty tops. You know how cheap town mayors are in these places."

"Y'know. If neither of us had a conscience, we could have let them snack on a few of the townsfolk first. I'm sure the mayor would have paid us double for each head we turned in," Kaleb stated as he began the grim work collecting the heads (or at least what he could salvage) from the fallen undead.

"Blah! It's going to take me over a week to get this stench out of my fur. Well, it looks like I trashed yet another set of flashy clothes as well," Amalthia grumbled as she began hacking off the heads from the fallen corpses.

Kaleb gathered up a sack full of heads as well then hurled them into the back of the dolyak cart. Any skulls that were fragmented or too badly shattered to be reconstructed were placed in a separate wooden box.

"I hope they don't chince us on our kill count. I know I must have blown up at least thirty heads."

Amalthia began her own meticulous count. "Perhaps you should use Bob a bit more, then. He does give a much cleaner cut, after all."

"That's all fine and dandy from your point of view. You're not the one standing just inches away from hordes of gouls wanting to have you for their next meal." Kaleb sounded miffed.

Her ears drooped. "I didn't mean it that way, Kal. I was just trying to be funny, that's all."

Kaleb came up to give her a reassuring hug. "I'm sorry, honey. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that."

She looked into his eyes then gently licked him on the face. "It's alright, sweetie. I think the both of us are just tired, stressed and exhausted. Tell you what - once we show the town mayor our bounty and collect our pay, we can go to Lion's Arch and shop for some totally new wardrobes."

"Um. Did you just lick me after cleaning the undead gunk off your fur?"

Amalthia planted her muzzle on his lips then ran her tongue down his mouth for a moment before pulling away. "Would you expect anything else?"

She smiled and laughed. Kaleb, on the other hand, hunkered over and spat on the ground several times.

"I think I'm gonna be sick..."

***

The couple headed on over to Lion's Arch the following day. Flocks of seagulls soared low over the fishing docks as Amalthia and Kaleb enjoyed the seaside atmosphere. They were strolling along the boardwalk, hoping to find some unusual decor for their new place.

Kaleb held up a giant bronze starfish sculpture. "Like it?"

Amalthia placed her clawed finger to her lips then shook her head. "Nah. The nautical theme is just not our style."

"Bummer. It would have looked great hanging over our bed."

"Um. That's asking for a death wish, you know. One good bump and that thing will go falling off and wind up gouging through someone's eye socket. I'll pass, thank you very much," Amalthia said as she turned away giving a dismissive wave.

"Do your people perceive everything as being deadly? I thought they loved sharp, pointy objects." Kaleb quipped.

"Weapons, yes. Poorly made, tacky sculptures? No so much."

The artist merchant gave her an angry glare. Kaleb carefully placed the tacky object back on the display wall.

"Hey. Didn't we come here to buy new outfits?" He said.

"By Buntfur's tail... you're right love! Let's head on over to Ariyana's place."

Kaleb and Amalthia headed towards the main shopping district. Each wanting to hold the others' hand, but knowing that open displays of romantic affection between their races would only invite unwanted trouble.

They finally arrived at the boutique named Roses and Thorns Apparel. The menagerie of custom-made outfits overwhelmed Kaleb - everything from norn wedding gowns to sylvari casual wear was on display. He especially liked the charr-themed human-sized apparel.

The owner happened to see them walking in. "Darlings! Why come on in!"

"Hi Ari. I'm back, as promised," Amalthia said as she waved to the chicly dressed sylvari woman.

Ariyana immediately recognized her client and strode over with a grace befitting a feline. Her large green eyes looked Kaleb over carefully as the patterns in her barklike skin glowed a shimmering pale blue.

"Oh my. Who is this specimen of a man?"

"Kaleb's the name." He reached out to shake her hand. With the regalness of a courtier, she clasped his hand with both of her delicate fingers as she greeted him with a wide smile.

"Kaleb. Your name is no stranger to my ears. Amalthia, darling - tis good to see you!" She reached out to give the charr a hug.

Amalthia returned the favor. "Good to see you again as well, Ari. How are things going here? Is Jestin around?"

"Fine, fine. My dear. As a matter of fact, things are going quite splendidly. One of the noble families from Divinity's Reach commissioned us to design their wedding apparel. They wanted a norn theme with a bit of sylvari flare thrown in. Oh. I almost forgot... my fiancé is downstairs putting the finishing touches on a business suit for a client."

"I'm glad that things are working out so well for your business. So you and Jestin getting... what's the word, love?" Amalthia struggled with the word as she looked in Kaleb's direction.

"Married?" Kaleb helped her out.

"Yes. Married."

Ariyana's face lit up when she heard Amalthia call Kaleb 'love'. "Goodness me. So are you and this lovely lad together as well?"

Kaleb held Amalthia's pawed hand. "Yes we are. We've been through a lot together and I'm very happy to call her my significant other."

"Just a moment, dearie." Ariyana ran towards the basement stairway and shouted. "Jestin my dear. You must come up now. You'll want to see this."

"Be there in a minute, dear."

Unable to contain her jubilation, Ariyana gave both Kaleb and Amalthia a big hug. Her fiancé came up the stairs a short time later. He was a slender human of long blond hair and soft porcelain skin complexion. He appeared to be somewhat shy and introverted, but when he joined his mate his demeanor changed dramatically.

"Jestin. You remember Amalthia, don't you?"

"Yes I do. Nice to meet you Amalthia." He shook her hand and only gave Kaleb a friendly stare.

"He doesn't bite darling. This is Kaleb, Amalthia's mate."

"Mate? Oh wow! Nice to meet you Kaleb!" Jestin eagerly grabbed him by the hand and shook it vigorously.

Kaleb clapped him on the shoulder and smiled as he returned the handshake. "Nice to meet you too, Jestin. Even nicer to see that there are more couples like us around."

"So true, indeed," Ariyana said as she remembered something else. "Oh how rude of me. Would you two like to go out somewhere to dine or have you already eaten?"

"His stomach is a bottomless pit and so is mine. We are game," Amalthia replied as she gave Kaleb a quick kiss on the cheek.

The two couples headed out of the shop then down along the main thoroughfare as they perused the various eating establishments. Ariyana noticed that her friends were not holding hands in public and decided to provide some encouragement.

"It's okay, darlings. People here don't think twice about cross-racial couples displaying affection with each other."

Kaleb seemed skeptical. "But a human and a charr? I have yet to see a couple like Amalthia and I."

"Well, someone has to start somewhere. Might as well be now, right?" Ariyana said as she clasped hold of each of their hands and joined them together.

"Thanks, Ari. I just don't want our open display of affection to be a source of trouble for you and Jestin," Amalthia said as she held Kaleb's hand tightly.

As the quartet rounded the corner to the next alleyway that led to another row of shops, Kaleb noticed a group of around twelve scruffy men approaching their direction. When they got closer, he could see that they had a number of weapons sticking out from under their jackets.

"Well take a look at this sight, boys. Two humans holding hands with a fleabag and a walking cabbage," said a large bearded man with a scarred face and rotten teeth.

A smaller man with a patch over his left eye reached into his overcoat for something sinister. "We don't like their kind. Disgusting!"

"Disgusting is right. Get 'em, boys!" The twelve men rushed the quartet only to be stopped in their tracks when Kaleb drew his revolvers.

"I've got enough here for each of you. Now let's just call this a cultural misunderstanding and we'll all be on our merry way."

The big man laughed. "Oh. I'm scared of your big, bad guns. Go ahead, boy, and shoot. If you do, it'll bring the full force of the Brotherhood and the Lion Guard on top of yas."

"He's right, Kaleb. Let's do this up close and personal. Ready Bob?" Amalthia said as she reached to draw her longsword.

Ariyana stopped her before she could unsheathe her weapon. "It's okay, darling. No need to draw that long, nasty object."

"Ariyana, please... don't!" Jestin shouted as he tried to stop her.

Ariyana calmly moved towards the men as she began to monologue.

"I have invited my friends to brunch. And those who know me also know that I hate breaking promises. Now you all be good lads and run along," she smiled with a strangely wicked gleam in her eye.

"Well. If they are going to lunch then they'll need to have some appetizers first, starting with a salad," the big man said as he drew out his shortsword and lunged towards the sylvari.

When his blade swung down, all it met was air. But before he had time to react, a slender feminine form emerged from behind followed by unimaginable searing pain. Ariyana's dagger thrust deeply into the man's side, causing his eyes to roll back just seconds before he fell on the ground dead.

The remaining eleven men had no time to react before the sylvari's fleeting shadowy form began slashing away at their vital areas. One of the last things the skinny man saw as a dagger going into his eye socket. When it was all over, twelve bigots lay on the ground either dead or dying.

Amalthia looked at Kaleb and confessed. "You now, if I were into doing women, I would ask her to be my mate right now."

Kaleb laughed in agreement. "I would too."

"Aren't I enough for you, Kaleb?" Amalthia teased.

"Well, you made the statement. So I just had to respond in kind." He laughed.

Jestin just sat on the ground quivering in shock. "I... I had hoped she wouldn't slip back into her old ways. Damn those narrow-minded bigots for doing that to her!"

Ariyana wiped off her twin daggers using the cloth from one of the fallen goons then deftly slid them away under her pantaloons. "Aww. I'm so sorry, dear. I had a momentary relapse. People like them cause me to do that sometimes. Please forgive me."

"I do," Jestin said as he stood up and held his mate close.

"Glad to know he forgives you. But I can't say much for the Lion Guard. Lookout!" Kaleb said as he pointed towards some approaching soldiers. "If you will, dearie. Be so kind," Ariyana said to her mate who pulled out a small staff.

Within seconds, an invisibility bubble formed around them. Jestin then beckoned for everyone to head towards the alleyway at the far end of the street.

"Hurry! It will only hold for another ten seconds," he said while trying to maintain the illusion.

Mesmers. Gotta love 'em, Kaleb mused to himself as they successfully evaded capture.

The illusion fell away once they were safely on the other end of the row. Amalthia looked at her sylvari friend and said. "That was some mighty fine dagger play. Where'd you learn to do that anyway?"

Ariyana casually smiled acting as if nothing unusual had transpired. "Well. I wasn't always a fashion designer, you know. Before my beloved found me and saved me from those dreadful Nightmare Courtiers, I used to be one of their best assassins, although I am ashamed to admit it now."

"You were part of the Nightmare Court?" Kaleb queried.

The sylvari bowed and shook her head in shame. "It was a dreadful time for me. To even think I was part of that vile entity. Anyway, my beloved saved me from myself."

"How'd he do that?" Amalthia asked.

Jestin held his mate close. "I will explain the rest. She still gets very upset whenever this subject comes up."

The young man began to tell his tale of how he and some elementalists from the Pact forces came across a Nightmare Court patrol in the Brisbane Wilds. During the engagement, Ariyana managed to kill nearly every Pact member except for him.

"There I was scared out of my wits. She held those daggers just below each ear threatening to thrust them into the base of my skull. My death was only moments away when reinforcements arrived. While she was distracted, I managed to conjure an illusion to slip away. By the time she realized what happened, she was already surrounded."

He continued his tale.

"The Pact commander wanted to execute her on the spot. I, however, wanted to see her live to see her answer for her crimes. It was during our trek through the wilderness that she began to break down and confess that she really didn't want to be a part of the Court. She was chosen because of her natural ability with the blade. So by the time we reached base camp, my perception of her began to change. I no longer thought that she was an inherently evil person, err sylvari I mean. Anyway, she was just caught up in a situation where she had to adapt in order to survive."

Ariyana interjected. "Out of all my captors, he was the one who took the time to understand me for who I was. I suppose it was then that I began to fall in love with that human."

"So what about you? Did you fall in love with her?" Amalthia asked.

"It certainly wasn't love at first sight. But after talking to her awhile, my feelings for her began to grow. It was then that I decided to vouch for her character. Several weeks later, she was put on trial for her alleged crimes. Through a miracle of good fortune, I managed to convince the judiciary that she was a victim of circumstance. In the end, the court ruled in her favor. We've been together ever since," Jestin said with a smile as he held Ariyana's hand.

The sylvari smiled and asked. "Fair is fair. Please, tell us your story."

"Oh my. Where to begin," Amalthia said as she and Kaleb took turns discussing the origin of their love affair. After exchanging stories, the two couples headed on over to one of the local eateries. They arrived at a local seafood cafe and each ordered their own local dishes.

"I wonder if they will launch an investigation into that incident back there," Kaleb wondered as he dove into his plate of shrimp pasta.

"Murders happen here all the time. If I confessed, they might actually award me a medal for cleaning up the city of its filth. Sorry if the comment may come across as cruel and insensitive," Ariyana said with a sheepish look on her face. She and Jestin shared a crab legs delight with several sides of cornbread.

Amalthia laughed as she poured her mead over a fourteen-ounce bloody rare dolyak steak. "It's okay. I understand. The old ways never truly die out. Learn to embrace them, my sire always says, because you never know when they might come in handy."

Kaleb raised his glass to offer a toast. "No truer words spoken, m'dear! To the old ways... and new."

"Here, here," came the chorus.

Once they were finished with their meals, the four of them headed back to Ariyana's place of business. Kaleb looked at his outfit then at Amalthia's and realized they had lost track of their main reason for going to Lion's Arch in the first place.

"Ari. Can you possibly hit us up for some new outfits? We need ones that are durable and can survive the rigors of our profession," Kaleb commented as Amalthia nodded with a big smile in agreement.

"Why of course, darling. Once we are in the shop, I'll break out the sketchpad and we'll work out a design that is suited to you both! Oh. I have a wonderful vision in mind already."

Amalthia's ears fluttered. "Ohh. I can't wait to see your idea! Bite-resistant body armor is a must, though."

"But of course! You will never know it was even there," the sylvari said with a smile.

Kaleb interjected another idea. "Oh yeah. Our outfits must be matching, if possible. It would be nice for people to see that she and I work as a team."

"Consider it done, dearie."

Kaleb and Amalthia spent the next few hours getting their measurements taken by Ariyana and Jestin. Once the measurements were finished, Amalthia began perusing the rest of her friend's shop hoping to find some additional inspiration. She looked at a long, white dress that appeared to be made for a petite human.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Kaleb said as he wrapped his arms around Amalthia holding her close.

Even though she was a head and a half taller at full standing height than Kaleb, she lowered her heels enough so his head could comfortably rest on her shoulder. He stroked her mane and kissed the side of her neck as she purred in satisfaction.

"Um. I suppose so. What exactly is it?"

Stunned, Kaleb gave her a brief explanation of human marriage rituals and mentioned some of the traditions and customs that went along with them. Upon hearing the information, Amalthia began to smile and gave her mate an affectionate lick on the face.

"So I guess that's what I'll expect if you have to kiss me," Kaleb said with a laugh.

Ariayana overheard the conversation and chimed in. "Ohhh. Wouldn't that be special? To have the two of you join under the banner of such a sacred tradition? You keep giving me ideas, my furry horned friend."

Amalthia turned to the sylvari. "It was actually Kaleb's idea to see me in one of those."

"My dear. You would look splendid!"

"I agree with Ari. That would look really good on you, with a few alterations of course," Kaleb said as he held Amalthia's pawed hands.

In the background, Jestin looked at his new friends and smiled as he walked over and stood next to his mate.

"It is truly the dawn of a new era in Tyria when a human and a charr consider getting married to each other."

Kaleb thought to himself as he held Amalthia close, indeed it is my friend, indeed it is. (All chapters have been posted to AO3. Chapter 24 is posted here.)

#gw2 fanfic #tyrias-library #the outliers #kaleb and amalthia #human and charr #guildwars fanfiction

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dragonwitch77 · 5 years

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Contractual Obligations

If there was one thing Snatcher was good at, besides stealing souls and making any poor fool do his bidding, it was making contracts. Contracts were legal binding, part of law and, well, his past somewhat. He didn’t really remember much about his old law school. It was such a long time ago and he never really liked thinking much about his past.

Memories of her left a bitter taste in his mouth.

But anything from his time at law school was treasured. His teachers, his tutor, studying the rules of laws and all its guidelines, legal facts and its systems. Oh how he missed it.

Now however, since he no longer was among the living, he couldn’t be a part of any law system like he once dreamed when he was still alive. That didn’t stop him though.

When he first realized that he was dead, it took some time for him to figure out how he worked and know what he could do in this new permanent form. The soul eating came as a shock but he soon grew used to it. But the most surprising and greatest thing Snatcher could ever find out about himself was the ability to make contracts. It delighted him to no end.

His first victims were his minions. All of them were Dwellers at one point, and he couldn’t miss the opportunity to get some free labor. And, what good was a ruler without some subjects? After that, it became much easier when intruders started showing up. Not all ghosts can do everything and it was always fun making some poor soulless sucker do all the work.

Nothing made his day more than having a good contract.

*^*

“Kid, what is this?”

“My contract!” Hat Kid beamed with pride. A little too much pride in Snatcher’s eyes. Peck, she was even doing a small pose with her hands on her hips and an obnoxious smile on her face.

“Contract? This thing?” He looked at the paper. It had crayon written all over, with scrawled symbols that he couldn’t understand in the slightest, and poor kid drawings of what looked like the kid and… was that supposed to be him with a colorful horn on his head? “Kid, I can barely read this. Much less READ your space language. And why did you give me a pink horn?!”

The kid’s smile faded. “That’s… a party hat.”

Snatcher blinked, glancing at the picture again. “Huh. I guess that makes more sense. Still, what is this supposed to be?”

“Your contractual obligation to my slumber party!”

“What?” Snatcher felt an eye twitch.

She climbed over to his seat, pointing at the paper. “This is my contract! You have to attend my slumber party tonight! Cooking Cat is going to be there and DJ Grooves also agreed to come!”

“This is more of an invitation than a contract kiddo.” Snatcher grabbed her by the cape and put her on the ground. “And I don’t like parties kid. Go bother someone else.”

“But you haaavve to! Our contract says you have to!”

“No. It says I have to be your BFF. Nothing about it says that I have to be a part of any social gatherings you’ve planed or give you little gifts or any of that stuff.”

“But the party won’t be the same without you!”

“You’ll live.” With that, Snatcher tossed the kid’s ‘contract’ away, pulling out a book and began reading.

Hat Kid pouted, tears pricking at the edges of her eyes. “Fine! If you won’t come then I’ll get someone else to!” She turned to leave when she felt a tug on her cape.

“It better not be someone from here kiddo. If you want someone else to go to your dumb party, why not try somewhere else?”

“And why would I do that?” She tugged her cape out of Snatcher’s grip. “You don’t want to go so why care who I ask.”

“I don’t care who you ask as long as it’s nobody from my forest. And don’t try asking any of my minions, they won’t go either.”

Hat Kid glared at him, tears threatening to fall. “YOU’RE SUCH A MEANIE SNATCHER!” She shouted as she took off running. Not towards the village as Snatcher hoped she would, but out the back way towards the old ruins of the forest.

He watched her go, her form getting smaller and smaller as she ran. “What is with that kid?” He mumbled to himself, settling back in his chair to read. Well, at least she wasn’t heading towards the manor. He didn’t need to worry about the kid. She was fine on her own. She practically knew the place like the back of her hand since she came here nonstop.

Something rustled behind him.

Glancing behind himself, Snatcher found the kid’s ‘contract’ stuck on his home. He plucked it up, looking at again. “All this because she couldn’t even make a decent contract.” He shook his head and sighed.

*^*

“Stupid, meanie, dumb Snatcher.” Hat Kid mumbled, sniffling and rubbing her eyes to get rid of the tears. She wasn’t crying! She was a big girl! And big girls don’t ever cry! She just needed some time alone and away from that big meanie Snatcher.

Stupid Snatcher. She worked hard on that inva-contract. She put a lot of thought into it and did a really good job on those drawings! She was so sure he would come once he saw what she made. Snatcher loved contracts! She didn’t understand how he didn’t like this one.

“Maybe it was the party hat?” He did seem a little offended that she drew a pink hat on him. But he looked nice in a pink hat!

Whatever. He wasn’t coming to her party because he didn’t sign the contract. He even threw it away! The big jerk! If he wasn’t coming, then she would invite someone else! But who?

Snatcher made it clear that his minions weren’t going. Probably told them not to. That big meanie! She could ask someone else, but, who? She wasn’t going to that creepy old lady. No way! She just needed to find someone. Someone who would like to come to her party and be thrilled that they were invited.

Maybe a Subcon Dweller? No, they couldn’t talk or do very much except float around. Fire Spirits? Na. They would just burn everything. This was going to be tougher than she thought.

She growled, kicking a rock. “This is hard! There has to be someone I can invite to the party! Just… anyone.” She pouted, sitting down on an upturned root to think. Sitting still helped her think better. It also made the world around her go slow like a turtle. It made falling leaves fly in the sky, and the wavy hands in the swamp even more slow, and the singing slower than…

Singing?

Hat Kid blinked, listening carefully and… yes. Yes! She did hear singing! She hopped off the root, looking around and taking off to where she was certain the singing was coming from. It wasn’t long before she found an open area. She could hear the singing here but, where or who was singing it? It was almost like it was above—

She looked up. And immediately fell down in surprise.

High above her was a strange humanoid creature with blue skin, a funny looking face, red clothes, and no legs. There were chains dangling from their wrists. They were high above her, swaying to and fro, humming a tune before breaking out into song.

“It's a cruel cruel world,

All you little boys and girls.

And a mean, nasty Snatcher

Wants to have you for his supper.”

Snatcher? Did this guy know him?

“But if you follow me.

You can all be free!

Free!

You can all be free!

It's a place where all of you can be free.

If you dream

If you dream my dream!”

The stranger threw his arms up high and suddenly Hat kid was floating upwards. She gasped, spinning around in suspended air as she went higher and higher. Did this guy have some sort of power?

“It's a cruel cruel world

All you little boys and girls

With some mean, nasty nasty people

Nasty

Nasty people!

But there's a way

You can make your day!

You can laugh!

You can smile!

You can come and stay awhile!

You can dream my dream.

You can have it all with me!

You can dream my dream!

You can dream—!”

“Um! Excuse me!” Hat Kid grabbed the nearest branch she could grasp. The stranger froze and gravity suddenly started working again. Luckily since she was already holding onto the branch, she managed to stop herself from falling. Which was a good thing. She was pretty high up.

“… my… dream…”

Hat Kid righten herself, dusting off nonexistent dust and looked up. She let out a startled yelp as the stranger was suddenly right in front of her, glaring down at her. His face slowly softened however as he got a good look at her.

“OH! Hello! I didn’t see you there! What are you doing way up in a tree? Did you climb all the way up here to say hello?” The stranger grinned, showing of his fangs. There was something about his smile that reminded her of Snatcher’s own grin.

“Uh, not exactly? I kinda floated up here?”

The stranger blinked. “Floated? Well that’s strange! You’re not even a ghost! How did you even manage… wait. You’re not a ghost.” The stranger leaned closer, looking at her top to bottom. “But if you’re not a ghost, how did you manage to get past… him.”

“Who?”

“Oh no one. No one to concern yourself with.” The stranger waved his hand dismissively. “Now what brings a small girl like yourself here to this part of the Subcon? Didn’t your parents ever tell you the dangers that lurk here? You’re lucky enough to have run into me and not that… PHILISTINE.” He growled lowly.

“Philistine?” Hat Kid tilted her head in confusion.

“No one important to worry yourself with my dear!” The stranger smiled, confusing the poor girl. This guy kept flipping his personality like a switch. “Anyways, as much as I would love to have some company, I’m afraid you must leave this place. A young girl such as yourself mustn’t wander in these woods. It’s full of dangers around every corner with monsters.”

“Like Vanessa.” Hat Kid nodded her head, remembering the scary old lady in the man—

“Wait-What?” The stranger got close to her again. “How do you know her name? No one ever DARES speak of her in this forest!”

Hat Kid back up, feeling hostility coming off from this stranger. “My… friend told me about her?”

The strangers face slowly lost its hostility, looking more puzzled and confused. “Your friend? And where would they hear about her? … Unless.” He backed off, placing a hand under his chin. “Unless the history of Subcon isn’t lost. This place is pretty secluded but not that secluded. Could someone have our history written down somewhere? Is it possible that not all our lost history is lost?”

Hat Kid watched as the stranger listed off different possibilities. She slowly smiled. He wasn’t such a bad guy! A little weird, but at least he was more friendly than Snatcher! Maybe he would want to join her party! “Hey! If you’re not busy, do want to come to my party tonight? I wanted to invite Snatcher but he didn’t want to come.”

The stranger froze. “… I’m… sorry.” He turned around slowly, frowning slightly. “Did you mention… Snatcher? As in, ‘Snatcher’ Snatcher?”

“Yeah. Big, shadow-like, grinning face, laughs like a lot.” Hat Kid listed the things on her fingers, unaware of the atmosphere slowly tensing up. “He also makes you these contracts and do these crazy chores and steals your soul. But he’s okay once you get to know him better! He’s my BFF!”

Hat Kid beamed, though, it slowly turned into a frown. The stranger was looking at her… oddly. “Hey, are you… okay? You’re looking at me really weird.”

“… heh… eh heh… eh heheheheheeehehe.”

The hair on the back of Hat Kid’s neck stood up. She frowned, taking a step back as the stranger continued to laugh. Though, it didn’t sound like a friendly sort of laugh. It sounded… hallow.

“Forgive me.” The stranger covered his face with one hand and placed his other hand on his hip. “But this. This must be some sort of joke. Snatcher. THE Snatcher. My immortal enemy.” He dragged his hand down his face, covering his lower half and glaring daggers at her. “Is YOUR best friend?”

Hat Kid felt like she was back in Vanessa’s manor again. Feeling the cold and terror creeping up on her. Only this time there was no scary evil old ice queen, but a stranger whose mismatched eyes were digging deep into her soul. “U-u-uh. W-we’re more of c-contractually obligated f-friends.” She tried stepping further back, but nearly lost her balance and her footing. She looked behind herself. There wasn’t much room left on the branch, and what was worse was that she was still very high up in the tree. She looked back to the stranger and tried to smile. “W-well it’s been fun but I need to get ready for the p-party.” She took out her umbrella, ready to jump down and run for it.

Only for her umbrella to suddenly jump out of her hands. “Wh-HEY!”

The umbrella flew into the strangers open palm, and with a stone cold face, clenched his hands into a fist. Hat Kid looked on in horror as the stranger merely opened his hand, letting the broken umbrella fall.

“We’re not do yet little miss.” The stranger spook, dusting his hands and slowly getting closer to Hat Kid. “You see, it’s been SOO long since I’ve had anyone to talk with.” He advanced closer, looming over the small cowering child. “So how about you start telling me everything you know about your… BFF.”

“HOW ABOUT WE START WITH MY FIST TO YOUR FACE?!” The stranger didn’t have time to react as a shadowy fist collided to his face, sending him flying backwards into a tree.

“SNATCHER!”

Snatcher hardly paid any mind to the hatted child. His main focus was on the stranger. “I thought I told you to get lost Moonboy. You know fully well that Subcon is MY domain.”

“It’s MoonJUMPER to you shadow.” The stranger, now better known as Moonjumper, slowly rose back up, rubbing his jaw. “That was certainly a nasty punch. Is that anyway to treat an old friend?”

“We. Are. NOT. Friends. Never have been. Never will be.” Snatcher growled, his hair flaring like a burning fire. “Now get out of my forest before you lose another limb of yours.”

“And leave without taking my new puppet? Oh Snatcher.” Moonjumper chuckled darkly. “You must be losing your edge.”

Something whistled in the air and before Hat Kid could blink, Snatcher’s hand shot out, snatching something in the air right in front of Hat Kid. Her eyes widened. In Snatcher’s grasp was a red string that was moving widely. It dawned on the small girl that if Snatcher hadn’t grabbed it—

“Who is it that’s losing their edge?” Snatcher remarked coldly, taking the string in his grip and snapping it in two. “First you enter into MY territory. Then you threaten my BFF? That’s low.”

Moonjumper angrily glared at Snatcher. He looked ready for a fight, but stopped. Hat Kid, curious to what stopped him, looked around. In the darkness around them, glowing eyes of minions, Dwellers and Fire Spirits were gathered around, all trained on the intruder that threatened to fight their ruler. She hadn’t even noticed they were there!

“Count this as a final warning Moonboy. Either you leave and never show your face here ever again. Or I turn your body into rags.” Snatcher threatened, extending his claws and putting out waves of his power.

Moonjumper looked around him. Many eyes were on him, glaring at him. He looked back at the living shadow and small child. “…” His mouth slowly turned upward. He bowed. “Till we met again shadow. I look forward to our next meeting.” With that, his body was consumed by… pixels? And was gone.

Snatcher waited for a moment, making sure that Moonjumper was truly gone before sighing and turning towards the child. “Well that could have gone better. You okay kid?”

Hat Kid was silent. She stared at the place where Moonjumper had been only moments ago.

“Kid? Hey, kid.” She snapped out of her thoughts, looking over to Snatcher.

“Hm?”

“I asked if you were okay. He didn’t do anything weird to you did he? Nothing bad?” He looked her over, poking at her which made her giggle a bit and push his fingers away.

“I’m fine.” She frowned sadly, looking down. “But he did break my umbrella.”

Snatcher glanced down, finding the broken item laid out on the ground. “That was rude of him.” He huffed, holding out his hand.

It took her couple of seconds to realize that Snatcher was asking her to step on his hand. With some worried reluctance, she carefully stepped onto the shadows hand, letting him hold her in his grasp.

Once the kid was in his hands, he turned to his minions. “Alright! You all know the drill! Make sure all the barriers are still up and no one is missing! If ANYTHING is out of the norm or someone is gone, tell me RIGHT AWAY!”

The minions all gave a salute and ran off into different directions. Once it was just him and the kid again, Snatcher sighed. He was tired and wasn’t in the mood for anything but a good law book to read, when he felt the kid tug on his hair.

“Um, Snatcher?”

He looked down at her. “What’s up kid?”

She looked scared, playing with her zipper. “Who… who was that? And why was he angry with you? Did you steal his soul at some point?”

Snatcher couldn’t help himself but chuckle a little. “Not… exactly kiddo. Let’s just say that he and I go back a looong time ago. We’re not the best of… acquaintances, you might say. He and I have been fighting for control over the forest since the beginning.” He stopped a moment, thinking of something. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen him again now that I think about it. And why did he chose to come out now?”

“Is he going to come back?” Hat Kid hugged herself. She didn’t want to meet that creepy guy again!

“Possibly. Who knows? It’s hard to predict what that floating corpse will do.”

“C-Corpse?!” Hat Kid squeaked, pulling her hat to her chest.

Snatcher’s widened. “Oh. Guess you didn’t know that. Well, better late than never I guess!” He chuckled a bit but it died away when the kid didn’t join in. He sighed, turning to head back to his tree. “You were lucky one of the minions saw you heading deeper into the forest kid. If they hadn’t alerted me, I wouldn’t have come in time to save you.”

Hat Kid mumbled something under her breath, though Snatcher was sure it sounded like a thank you. “Now, how about we fix that so called contract of yours and make a decent one hm?”

“My contract was perfectly fine!”

Snatcher’s laugh echoed throughout the forest, traveling back home as red eyes followed him in the darkness. “So it is true. You’ve grown pathetic shadow.” Moonjumper growled, digging his claws into the tree he hid behind. “… No matter. Enjoy your fun. For now.” He smiled, pulling out a doll that had a striking resemblance to the hatted child. “It won’t be long till Subcon is MINE.” With that, Moonjumper vanished, leaving nothing behind but the marks on the tree.

#snatcher week #snatcher #hat kid #moonjumper #a hat in time #day 2 #contractual obligations

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radioactivepeasant · 5 years

Text

Folklore Friday

Radio Explains Folklore/Fairytales/Cryptids Badly IV (we’re up to four now, right?)!

As always, I present this after just barely glancing over source material, because the idea is “how much do I remember off the top of my head, and how accurate is it?” Ok, here we go:

The South Carolina Lizard Man. Also known as the Lizard Man of Scape Ore Swamp, or The Lizard Man of Lee County. (Cryptids count as folklore, right? Sort of home-grown folklore, anyway.) Actually, I want to say this is the give-or-take 29th anniversary of the darn thing’s “origin story”, so...happy anniversary, Lizard Man, I guess?

So to start out, we have to go back to the eighties. I think I saw something that said it was 1988, so late-eighties. And there’s this teenaged boy driving his car out near the Scape Ore Swamp in Lee County. At night, mind you. This whole thing happens with no more light than however bright headlights were in the 80s. And according to the kid, a big, scaly, something ran across the road in front of his car. If I’m remembering correctly, he may have hit it. Possibly it scratched up his vehicle?

I wanna say it jumped onto the roof of his car, or somebody’s car, but I may be thinking of a different monster tbh.

So apparently what he saw was like...six, seven feet tall, scaly, and had red eyes. Or red eyeshine, I guess, since whatever he actually saw would’ve been caught in the glow of the headlights. Like an alligator with a short snout and standing on its back legs, he said. And if I’m remembering the right monster story, they went back and interviewed the fella years later, and he stuck to that story. But to be fair, that could also have been the story of the Loveland Frog or the Dover Demon. They all sort of got muddled in my head after ten+ years. (When I was like, 12, I was really into cryptids and figuring out what was plausibly real, what was Definitely Fake, and what was Probably Misidentified.)

Y’know what, I would be interested to know if anybody had any good Godzilla costumes in the late 80s. I mean, that would beg the question of why someone would be running into a swamp at night in a Godzilla costume, but I personally find that idea far more entertaining than “temporarily bipedal Reptile Of Unusual Size”.

So supposedly this giant lizard humanoid thing runs across the road and into the Scape Ore Swamp, and this teenage boy goes and he tells the police. Which, I suppose, would be a responsible thing to do in the circumstances. Like if you see a large animal that is Very Much Not In It’s Rightful Habitat, you should definitely contact someone about that. But, ah, “a gator went jogging on its back legs and messed up my car” isn’t...isn’t really going to sound credible to most people, I suspect.

Well the story spreads after this. I mean, it’s the eighties, and people around here were apparently like “Ah, we’ve got our local answer to Bigfoot now!” And so people start making a Thing out of this Lizard Man business. We’re talking t-shirts, merchandise, etc. And the chamber of commerce was actually like “yeah, this will probably bring tourists. Carry on, folks.” So he became the sort of Lee County and Bishopville cryptid.

Ok, full disclosure here, I have actually been down to Bishopville, just because I wanted to see if I could find like, some Lizard Man signs or merchandise. But I went down on a Sunday, and like everywhere we went was closed. Pretty much everything was closed except like this CVS and some gas stations lol. The most we ended up seeing in the area we were in was some interesting topiary and this one barbecue place that had the Lizard Man working a grill painted on the wall. (And let’s be honest: that kind of thing was exactly why we’d gone down there in the first place). We didn’t actually go into the swamp though.

So there have been a handful of reported sightings over the years since the eighties. Some happened in the years after I moved here, so I actually remember them. People made kind of a big deal out of at least one of them, so I’ll tell you the ones I remember.

This was about ten years ago, give or take. So like, 2007-2008. This couple reports some kind of animal attack on one of their vehicles. General consensus seemed to be that whatever did it was going after one of the cats that lived on their porch, which had probably taken shelter up in the engine area of the car. I think they said like the cat beds and fur were all over the yard? (The cat, as I recall, got out unscathed.) And the front end of the car was just shredded. Like, the whole edge of the hood looked like it had been munched, there were deep tooth and claw marks in the body, it was a mess.

And for some reason, this was attributed to the Lizard Man.

I don’t know why. Like, if the thing was real, it has hands. Why would it just bite the car when it could probably pry the hood up?

And I remember, there was at least one cryptid-type show where an “expert” claimed that what people were actually seeing was a Bigfoot covered in algae.

I wish I was kidding.

I’m not kidding.

But anyway, they actually did do some lab tests on the blood and the damage to the car and it came back canine. So yeah, not Lizard Man. Just a dog that had enough bite force to really mess up a car. (Which is probably several breeds, come to think of it.) Either way, somebody’s dog needs to work on their impulse control, apparently.

So after that, there was a “Sighting” in 2015. First of all, some guy said he’d shot and possibly killed a Lizard Man. And the police were like “...you shot a guy that looked like a lizard? Do you...do you have a license for a firearm in this area, first of all? And where’s this body?” And then the guy recanted his story and admitted that he’d made it up to “keep the legend alive” or whatever. Beats jailtime, I guess.

So that same year someone did this article about “Lizard Man sighting!” and I remember, I clicked it out of sheer curiosity, and there was footage of someone running around in a Godzilla costume. So that was pretty funny.

And then came the Eclipse.

During the Total Eclipse of 2017, some news station or other put out a tweet joking about the eclipse possibly drawing out the Lizard Man. Apparently some people took that seriously? Or they were pretending to in order to drum up tourism, either one is possible tbh.

So now the thing has its own festival. I wanna say it’s in April? And people evidently go and do scifi and fantasy cosplay there.

And that’s it, that’s what I remember about the SC Lizard Man right now. It’s not a whole lot, but the thing hasn’t been “sighted” that much since the 80s, I think.

#folklore friday #radio ruins another fairytale #explaining cryptids badly #sc lizard man #the lizard man #cryptids #monsters #apologies for how late it is XD

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codylabs · 6 years

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Chapter 16: New Missions

Links: P 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

The journal of the alien robot Ɖg@}Nᶌ (or ‘Barney’, as they called him), and the story of his life, love, death and legacy finally concluded. Dipper and Wendy’s scanned past the last words, and they stood up and looked at each other.

“Huh.” Wendy said.

“Oh.” Dipper agreed.

Wendy looked around the interior of the ship/house thing. Back in ancient times, this glass and metal chamber had served as the home of these two bizarre creatures. She found it kind of odd and kind of funny that in the end, they were nothing but farmers. Estranged and alien farmers, castaway from their home and hounded by trouble, but nonetheless their lives seemed oddly human, even ordinary in a way. And their deaths were now no mystery either; he had died in battle, out in the forest or deep beneath the ground. His wife and child had died in this very room; their blood still stained the mattress of the bed.

“So…” Wendy shrugged, and addressed their unseen ghosts out loud. “So… Wow. Rough life, huh? Hey… Hey uh…” She frowned. What do you even say to ghosts? “Like, what’s up? How’s it going…?”

From between and within the walls of the ship, there came echoing a clanking, scraping and banking, like a person stumbling across a room, then easing themselves to a seat. Dipper and Wendy’s eyes darted back and forth, searching for the source that wasn’t there.

The room’s lights began to flicker. Dark then light then dark then light, dancing and changing through the space. In between flashes, Dipper caught something in the corner of his eye; a pale figure reclining against the wall, not 10 feet from them. Wendy noticed it too and they turned suddenly, startled by its appearance. It seemed to flicker in and out of the room with the lights, just on the threshold of their ability to focus on it. Its head turned towards them, and stared with empty eyes.

From what Dipper could tell, the rest of its body was about what you’d expect: a very vaguely humanoid robot, with saws and spines and treads and claws; a wide head, thin arms with gears in the moints. Same layout and design as the lions, but smaller, thinner, upright, and with a piercing, intelligent gaze.

A second, slightly smaller figure could now be distinguished alongside the first, floating in the space above the ancient bed, as if sitting up on it without quite touching. The second figure rested its elbows on its knees, and cocked its head to one side.

The room went totally dark again, and Dipper began to notice noises. He heard the sound of his and Wendy’s agitated breathing. He heard the sound of his walkie-talkie warbling and cooing and clicking, as it responded to the whispered words of some incorporeal radio signal. Dipper thought the signals sounded like voices…

Then, quite apart from the radio, he heard the sound of typing. Invisible fingers at work on an invisible keyboard.

Wendy noticed as words began to appear on Ford’s tablet. She elbowed Dipper to draw his attention to them.

-Hello. The words read. -Now you know our story.

“Ooh.” Wendy said. “Duuuude…” She elbowed him again. “Type something!”

“I don’t know what to type—”

“Just say hi or something! This is, like, the first time in ever that a ghost isn’t actively trying to haunt our butts. I think they’re just saying ‘greetings’ or some alien thing.”

“Oh… Okay…” Dipper bent over and began to type. -Greetings. Hi. We read your story. How’s it going? My name is Dipper. I’m Dipper Pines.

“And this is Wendy.” Wendy added.

-And this is Wendy. Dipper typed.

The invisible hands began to type again. -Hello Dipper. Hello Wendy. I suppose you know me as Betty. And this is Barney. We welcome you to our home… Or what was our home once… It has been an eternity since we’ve had visitors…

-Thanks. Dipper typed, then tried to wipe the sweat from his palms. “Uh… Uh… What should I say now?”

“I got this.” Wendy bent past him, and typed. -We found the directions you left in the main wreck, and came here looking for answers. It’s nice to finally get some, and nice to finally meet you guys.

There was a brief pause. -We’re dead, by the way. Appeared on the screen.

-Yeah. Wendy typed. -We kinda gathered that part. You know, since it’s been a jillion years since you were alive and all.

-A ‘jillion’…? What’s that?

“Uh… Okay… I got this.” Dipper sat back forward, and began typing. -Figure of speech. He said. -And we’re sorry, by the way. We didn’t know this ship thing was haunted when we got here, so we’re sorry for barging in. And… This is the first time we’ve ever talked to a dead alien, so… Sorry if we sound awkward.

The signal from the walkie-talkie sounded almost like laughter.

-You’re good. Appeared on the screen. -This is my first time talking to whatever the you are, so… Sorry if we sound awkward too.

“Huh.” Dipper looked at Wendy. “They’re chill.” He said. “They’re alien robot ghosts, but they’re, like, totally chill…” -Thanks for being chill. He typed.

-So. The typing stopped for a minute, and when it resumed, it was lighter and faster. -This is Barney now. You both have read my journal. You know who we are, and how it came to be that we’re no long here. But now, if you don’t mind me asking, who are YOU? I saw your read blood, Wendy, when you first came in. From it, I knew that you are neither the mimic nor her spawn… So I just have to ask, what the heck are you?

“Oh, us…?” Wendy looked at Dipper.

“Uh…” Dipper looked at Wendy.

-We’re natives. Dipper typed, looking back at the ghosts. -This planet’s dominant intelligent race.

“Yeah.” Wendy agreed. “And we call ourselves humans. Type that.”

-We call ourselves… Humans. Dipper added.

“And the collective noun is ‘humanity’.” Wendy added. “Say that too.”

“Why would they want to know the collective noun?” Dipper shook his head.

-What’s the collective noun? Barney asked.

-Humanity. Dipper hastily typed.

-Wait. Barney typed. -You’re both humans?

“Uh… Yeah…?” Dipper frowned.

“Yeah… Well mostly.” Wendy agreed. “I mean, logically there’s probably some Sasquatch on my dad’s side, but, like, you can’t even tell.”

“Wait… What?”

“Never mind! Okay, just…” Wendy shoved past him and typed. -Yes. We’re both humans. Why do you ask?

-All I meant to say is that you two don’t look much alike, so I wasn’t sure if you were the same species or whatever.

-What do you-- Dipper began.

“Oh, hold on! I think they mean this.” Wendy set down her helmet and took off her backpack, and unbuckled her shoulder pads to show beneath them. -Yeah. She typed. -This is just armor and clothes. Humans always wear clothes, and then we put on armor too when we’re going somewhere dangerous. Our skin is all pinkish brown underneath though.

Dipper hiked up his own armor, to show the similarity.

-Oh… The ghosts said. -Betty thought the armor was your skin.

-Common mistake. Dipper lied.

-And what’s that fuzzy stuff?

-That’s hair.

-Oh.

The four of them sat there in awkward silence for a good minute, while they thought about what to say next. Wendy picked her nose.

-Hi, this is Betty again. So, what brings you here?

-Curiosity. Dipper typed.

-Xenocide. Wendy typed.

Dipper blinked and looked at her worriedly. “Well…” He frowned. “I guess you could say it like that, but…”

-Xenocide? There was a sudden sound like glass shattering, and the ghostly image of Barney appeared before them, with his arms crossed, his eyes blazing, and his head cocked to one side. -Did your machine translate that correctly?

“Look.” Wendy buckled her armor back up, and bent over the computer. -I never expected to say this to alien robot ghosts, especially not ones as scary-looking as you guys, but honestly, you seem like decent people. Really. You do. I think that you did a lot of the right things for the right reasons, you were kind when it counted and you served justice when it counted… Kudos. Seriously kudos. You’ve had a rough time, and by my reckoning, you were the good guys.

Barney shrugged.

-That being said… Wendy continued. -You made some mistakes. Don’t hate on me for this, but look. The think you’ve built here… This overgrown metal farm thing. It shouldn’t be here. It’s bad.

-Why? Barney inquired.

-You know what we call it? Wendy asked. -We call it the ‘Forest of Daggers’. Why? Because every life-form native to this planet gets cut and sliced by it. See my arms? See all the little scratches? That was just from clearing the brush off the top of your house to get inside. And see my man Dipper’s face? Wendy gestured over her shoulder. -He got that when we were swarmed by your little Piranha Spiders about two hours ago.

The ghost of Betty appeared beside Barney, and bent over a computer terminal. -They must have gone wild… She typed. The buttons on the keyboard didn’t move beneath her ghostly fingers, but they sounded like they did. -We raised those for eggs…

-Yeah, well, sucks! Wendy spread her arms in an exasperated way. -The point is that your Piranha Spider Chickens are dangerous! They’re sharp and they’re aggressive and us native wusses are liable to get ATE. And that’s not even to MENTION the giant drilling worms that almost crushed us, and the smaller bugs that nibble us, and of course the lions…

“Yeah…” Dipper nodded. “One of your giant cat things really hurt Wendy’s dad. And hurt my sister too. Those saws are… Saws.”

“Yeah.” Wendy agreed, and stood up from the computer. “Check it out.” She pulled off the glove on her right hand, and then peeled the bandage off her index finger. Then she held up the stitched-up gash to show the ghosts. “See this? A little cub nicked me there the first time I picked it up. Just a touch. Just a tap. Tore me open. This is what your creatures do to our creatures.”

Betty nodded slowly.

-So this place you left behind. Wendy concluded. -It’s getting people hurt. So I’m real sorry. I know how much work you guys put into the place. I know how much it meant to you. Heck, you’re probably still really proud of it, even after you’re dead. But still… I think the best thing to do is destroy every last inch and ounce of it. She glanced at Dipper for support. “Like… You know… Help me out here, Dude.”

“Well…” Dipper shrugged, and began to type. -I think after all that’s happened, and everything we’ve all been through… She’s right.

The two ghosts disappeared. A shower of sparks erupted from the ceiling as the lights went out all through the ship, and the room fell dark again.

Wendy flipped on her headlamp, and sighed. “Welp. Guess they don’t like that.”

Dipper toggled on his flashlight, and unplugged Ford’s tablet. “We tried, huh?”

“Yeah… And besides.” Wendy shrugged helplessly. “What do you expect ghosts to do, huh?”

“I don’t know. Probably weren’t much more than a category 4 anyway…”

Robbie stopped the van in front of an utterly ordinary looking tree. “So… Like, how do you know it’s THIS utterly ordinary looking tree and not some OTHER utterly ordinary looking tree?” He asked.

“Oh, because THIS utterly ordinary looking tree is right where I remember it being.” Mabel opened the door and hopped out of the van. “And it has a weeeeeird little teeny-tiny branch way up there that kind of looks like a lever.”

Robbie got out and surveyed the lever. “Okaaaay…”

“So let’s throw rocks! You’ve thrown rocks at things, right?” Mabel bent down and picked up a rock.

“Well, maybe at people and cars sometimes…” Robbie picked up a stone as well.

“So getcherself a-lever-flippin’ sonny!” Mabel hurled her rock up at the lever, and it fell about 10 feet short.

As Robbie drew his arm back to throw, he got the strangest feeling that he was being watched. His eyes briefly swept the surrounding forest, but he didn’t see anything out of place. He didn’t even see the shadowy figure crouching at the top of a nearby tree, watching them with tired eyes.

Robbie snapped his arm back forward, and his rock contacted only 3 feet short of the lever.

Mabel threw again.

Robbie threw again.

So it continued for about 5 minutes, until their arms were sore, and Robbie was starting to consider whether there might be an easier way to flip an out-of-reach lever.

Finally one of their missiles contacted its target, and the weird branch was knocked upward.

With a click, a creak, and a hydraulic rumbling that seemed to shake the ground, the entire tree began to shift and shake and lower into the Earth. Mabel carelessly stepped up to the edge of the deepening gap as she waited for it to finish, while Robbie hauled the backpack of robotic samples out of his van and shouldered it over to the tree.

Eventually it lowered all the way, a staircase extended from the wall, and a door slid open at the very bottom. The noise stopped, and a deep hiss sounded somewhere far beneath.

Mabel found the entire thing charming yet overly complicated.

Robbie found it pretty sick all around.

“All right come on!” Mabel began to skip down the staircase with ease and carelessness.

Something rang true in the back of Robbie’s brain. Dipper’s words: If I ever again hear that you’ve accompanied my sister into danger, and haven’t protected her… I will find you. And I will beat you up…

“Hey, wait… Look… Hey Girl Dipper, wait up…!” Mabel turned around, but didn’t stop her descent. Robbie growled. “Look, just stop for a minute, okay!”

“Why?”

“’Why’? I mean I don’t know what this is! I want to know why we’re going down here, what’s down there, and… You know. What’s the plan? What are we even doing with these?” He pointed to the metal samples.

“Ah…” Mabel smiled and nodded, seeing that her loftly logic had fallen upon a deaf older brain. “So.” She said. “We’ve got to find a new and better, cooler place to plant the robot forest. We need some place where it will be totally safe, and where it will do a lot of good for humanity and science and bunnies.”

“Okaaay…” Robbie followed.

“But… I kind of realized we don’t have a great place for them yet.” Mabel explained. “We don’t have a place to move them were they can be happy. But since we don’t know what’s going to happen in the near future, and because basically my entire family went all paranoid-poopyhead about them… We need to save as many as we can now.”

“Sure… Okay…” Robbie frowned.

“So we’ll just start ferrying them down here!” Mabel gestured down the stairs. “Great Uncle Ford had a whole abandoned lab down here that he never goes into, and it’s got these really cool stasis tanks that can keep things harmlessly frozen for as long as we want! It’s basically perfect for what we need! Will you promise to keep it a secret, Robbie?”

“Uh… Sure…” Robbie shrugged. “But… I mean, why was it abandoned?”

“Oh… Ha! You know…” She shrugged and smiled, as if reminiscing of fond memories. “Probably just because everybody got sick of having to dodge the mashy-squashy security room that pulps anybody who can’t read alienese while playing hopscotch…” She pulled a paper out of her pocket showing dozens of bizarre hexagonal symbols, 4 of which were circled.

“WHAT.” Robbie said.

“Or maybe it’s because the stasis tanks are kind of prone to breaking down, and one of them holds an immensely powerful shapeshifting monster that’s strong enough to bend steel with its bare hands and hated humans ever since Ford found him as a kid and raised him in a cage feeding him nothing but beans and he also tried to murder us last Summer and made a hideous mockery of my flesh that still haunts me on dark nights when the wind is chill… That might be the other reason it’s abandoned.”

Robbie processed this slowly and steadily. “Um.” He finally said.

“Yeah.” Mabel smiled. “More importantly, I tried to get Wendy and Dipper to kiss by locking them in a closet, but instead they took a shower and fought Shifty. They never did kiss… I would have called it… Dipendy!”

“…Why not Wipper?”

“Ooh, that’s better, isn’t it? Or maybe Dipwenperdy! Just too bad it never worked out. But who knows what they’re doing now, AM I RIGHT? Wink wink!”

“They’re just off in the forest being all platonic and holier-than-thou.” Robbie groaned. “But back to the point: listen Girl Dipper: you seriously want us to go down into that dark, smelly hole there… Hopscotch aliensese or something dumb… And then just HOPE the crazy flesh-mocking monster hasn’t gotten out like it’s been prone to do…”

“Well when you say it like that it sounds like folly!” Mabel laughed. “But don’t worry; it’ll be fine! I think you’ll like Shifty anyway. He’s not so bad if you close your eyes and put caterpillars on your face.” She turned to continue down the stairs.

Robbie grabbed her arm.

She looked at him, confused.

“Uh…” Robbie stuttered. “Well… It’s just… Just no… Just NO! Look, we can’t go down there! It’s dangerous, and we don’t have cool weapons or grenades or dual-wielding rocket launchers or chainsaw whips or anything! What if we die??”

“Pssh! I’ve never died before in all the ones of times I’ve been down here! Trust me!”

“No.” He said. “We’re staying HERE.”

“Why?” She demanded.

“I… I made a promise, okay? To keep you safe.”

“Who made you promise?”

“…Your brother.”

“Oh…” She laughed it off. “He worries waaaaaay too much. And besides, what about all these metal plant and animals! We have to find a good place for them and you said you would help! We need to get them frozen down there.”

Robbie put on a scowl. A mighty scowl. A great, powerful, hideous scowl. A scowl greater than any scowl he’d ever scowled before; a scowl to put lesser scowlers to shame, and scowl itself right into the official scowling archives alongside the other legends of scowling history. Right as this scowl reached its climax, he spat out the word “FINE!”, grabbed the hopscotch code paper out of Mabel’s hand, shoved past her, and continued down the stairs.

She wiped his scowl-smelling spit off her face. “What…?” She frowned.

“I’ll do this!” Robbie explained over his shoulder. “You stay in the van and keep my dad’s shotgun handy! I’ll put all this stupid sci-fi trash into deep freeze and be out in an hour and if I’m not… Throw another rock and close it back up… Okay?”

“Oh…” Mabel frowned slowly. “But then you…?”

“Then get help or something! Your grandpa or that fat guy or Thompson maybe. But don’t you dare come in alone…”

He entered the door at the bottom, and it closed behind him.

Dipper and Wendy poked around the ship for about 5 more minutes, feeling more and more like unwelcome trespassers by the second. Finally Wendy gestured toward the exit hatch. “We should go…”

“Yeah…”

Just as they were about to exit, Dipper’s walkie turned back on, and emitted a single word, in a thick, mechanical accent. “WAIT…!”

They turned around, to see the two ghosts floating near the middle of the ship. Betty pointed back toward the computer console, and nodded toward Ford’s tablet.

Dipper plugged it back in. -S’up?

-We’ve been thinking. Betty responded. -And honestly, for a pair of hostile, heavily-armed aliens sent to destroy us and everything we hold dear… You seem like decent people.

-Oh. Dipper typed. -Thanks.

-And. Betty said. -Anyway, we’ve been thinking, and we’ve come to understand your point. Dipper, I’m sorry your sister got hurt. Wendy, I’m sorry you and your father were hurt. Both of you, we understand now. We didn’t think or plan that the lions would behave like that, and… I agree with you. And we think we may have a way to help.

Barney’s ghost stepped forward to type.

-You remember our journal? He said. -In order to move all the metal from the wreck to the farm, we had to modify the engines on the main wreck.

“Oh, yeah?” Dipper nodded.

“Wait, I was actually confused by that part.” Wendy turned to Dipper. “What exactly did they do? Use simple words for me; I’m not exactly a nerd…”

“Uh… The alien ships’ engines work by manipulating gravity.” Dipper said. “So they modified the ones on the big ship a little bit, and turned them into some kind of tractor beam.”

“A tractor beam… Like in Star Battles.”

“Uh… Yeah. I think so. Basically.”

“Oh.” Wendy nodded, happy that somebody used simple words. “Okay.”

-Yeah. We remember. Dipper typed.

-Those engines are still programmed on the settings we left them. Barney said. -So there is still a massive tractor beam focused on the farm. If you were to reactivate the engines, and turn them up to maximum power, the gravity flux would crush and destroy everything here. The bodies of the creatures here may be tough, but not that tough. The kinetic and potential energy of the implosion, combined with the mass short-circuiting of batteries, would generate enough heat to burn through the internal organs of every creature. Nothing would survive.

“Oooooh… Good plan.” Wendy pondered this new form of carnage. “Like a reverse nuke; crushing instead of exploding.”

“And no radiation; that’s convenient.” Dipper added.

“Yeah. Radiation would be inconvenient.”

“Yeah.”

-Okay. Dipper typed. -We get it. So we just have to get back to the main wreck, and turn things on?

-Well. Barney shrugged. -Not quite. At the other end of the home, a compartment on the floor opened on its own, tossing aside an ancient carpet and a layer of dust. Dipper and Wendy’s lights rotated to view it. -Obviously, we couldn’t have the shapeshifter using that kind of power against us. So we removed the power control coupling that runs the ship’s last reactor.

Wendy reached in to the open hatch, and removed a small machine; about the size of a motorcycle engine.

-You’ll need to reinstall that before operation, and that may be difficult. Do you know anyone with experience in this type of technology? Probably not…

-Actually, yes. Dipper said. -I think I might know a guy.

-Excellent… I think that’s everything you need…

-Sweet.

Barney paused for a moment in thought. -There is just one last thing I’d like to ask of you, Dipper and Wendy.

-What’s that?

-There was an act I never completed in my life, a mission whose threat has hounded my soul for an eternity now.

-Killing the shapeshifter. Dipper guessed.

-Killing the shapeshifter. Barney nodded. -After Betty died, I went out to face her… Well, she killed me. She’d learned from our first encounter, and figured out exactly how to annihilate me. It was rapid, it was painful, and I was powerless to stop it. The mimic is strong, fast, versatile, intelligent, and merciless… And the last time I saw her, she had an egg with her.

-I understand. Dipper typed.

-So… It’s a silly thing, I know. There’s no way she or her child could possibly have survived this long, seeing how the stasis systems in the main wreck are completely trashed… But… I would very much like some closure for that. For me, for my people, and for humanity too I suppose… I would like to know that she, and her spawn, are most certainly dead.

-Actually. Dipper chuckled to himself as he typed. -I don’t know if the mom survived, but we believe her child did… We have him imprisoned in a bunker.

-Oh. Betty and Barney exchanged a look.

-Kill it. Barney typed. -For your own sakes.

-I understand.

“So what is this stupid thing? It’s heavy.” Wendy said, and she hefted the power control coupling over her shoulder like a solid steel backpack. “Use small words, remember.”

“That’s… That’s the key. The key to start up the tractor beam.” Dipper said. “And we’ll probably need McGucket. And they also want us to find out how the shapeshifter survived for as long as he did, find out what happened to his mom, and to kill him.”

Wendy took this in. “Oh.” She nodded. “Okay.”

She turned and carried the coupling off toward the home’s exit.

-So I guess this is goodbye then? Dipper typed.

-I guess it is. Barney agreed.

-Don’t see a reason to stick around after my haunted house gets smashed. Betty added. -Boooooring.

-Ha ha. Yeah. Dipper laughed (although he had no idea how to relate with a ghost’s problems.)

-I’m glad I met you. Barney said, and gestured to Wendy. -Tell your brother that I think you’re both men of honor.

-Oh, uh… He’s not my brother. He’s a she, and she’s my partner. Just a girl I like. He sat there looking at the words for a second, wondering why on Earth he typed them.

-You old enough to marry?

-What? No! Well, I guess I'm old enough to date maybe, but I don’t want to ask her out. It’s awkward and I’m kinda scared and I don’t think she likes me.

Barney’s ghost leaned over and nudged him in the shoulder with an intangible robotic elbow. -Dude, don’t be a dork! Ask her out!

“Gah!” Dipper jumped, and tried to push the intangible robotic head out of his personal space, though his hand passed right through. “I don’t… Uh… Huh?!? Dude! Shush!” He said out loud.

“Huh?” Wendy looked back at them.

“Nothing!”

-Nothing!

“Ugh.” She turned away.

-Dude, come on. Dipper typed.

-Ha ha. Get out of here, man.

The sanitation airlock finished its cycle, and Robbie stepped hesitantly into the cave.

It was about 10 times scarier than he’d first expected, (which is really saying something because he was expecting a lava floor). But he took a deep breath or two or three, and continued carefully into the chamber. The only sound was the distant dripping of water, and the only light came from little red status indicators, and ancient florescent bulbs.

There were the stasis tubes… Some were intact, some were cracked, and some of them were in such a dirty, overgrown ruin that he couldn’t quite tell. He stepped up to one of the intact ones, opened the hatch, and tossed the pile of Mabel’s samples inside. When he slammed the hatch shut, the freezing process automatically started up. All he had to do was get back out to the control room and make sure everything was still in order. Easy enough…

But then he realized he should probably get eyes on the monster first, just to make sure it was still frozen. He began wandering around the cave, peering into tunnels and crevices, inspecting every tank, looking and listening for any sign of the creature.

Then eventually, he realized that he’d checked all the tanks 3 times already. Even the broken ones. There was nothing in any of them.

He began to feel the first hints of panic creeping up his spine. His breath started to quicken, and his skin began to moisten, and his eyes began to dart ever more rapidly around the walls.

A decrepit florescent light flickered tiredly in his peripheral vision, and he spun to face it with a gasp. Another one flickered to his right, and he spun again. Geez, it’s just the lights. This place is terrible on the nerves.

I shouldn’t have come alone…

I shouldn’t have come alone!

He turned about in a circle. Was it watching him? Was it stalking him? How big was it? How strong was it? How scary was it really? How many eyes did it have? Was it spidery? He wasn’t good with spiders.

He picked an old steel pipe off the floor, and held it at the ready. Dipper beat it once right? And if that scrawny brat can, how tough can it be?

I can take it…

I can take it!

“SH-SHOW YOURSELF!” Robbie demanded, and silently cursed himself for stuttering.

Much to his surprise and horror, a voice answered him. It was hoarse and angry, and it screamed at him from one of the tunnels. “YEAH?” It said. “Come and get me then, you freak! I’m ready this time!”

Robbie’s heart nearly jumped out of his chest, and he almost fell flat on his behind. But he wasn’t so startled that a voice had answered him; he was surprised that he recognized the voice.

“W… Wendy?” He asked.

“Yeah, it’s me! Woop-dee-FLIPPIN’-doo, you figured out my friggin NAME!” The voice screamed at him. “You tryin’ to scare me with THAT? Not working! Now come on! Come at me! I’m not afraid! Not afraid… I’m… I’M NOT AFRAID!” As if to prove its own point, the voice’s source stepped out into the open.

Robbie stared at what looked to all the world like Wendy. She was missing her jacket and her hat, though there were a few green-flannel bandages on her arms and legs. Her undershirt and jeans were stained and torn and sagging on her body, and as for the rest of her, she just looked terrible. She was emaciated and pale, with bags under her eyes and tangles in her hair, and scratches and scars all over her haggered body. Both her boots were missing, along with one of her socks. Her feet were tied in rags to replace them.

In her hand was clutched some kind of improvised bow, with a bent arrow cocked on the frayed string. A sharpened piece of metal was tucked into her belt, and another was tied to each of her wrists.

“But THIS time it’s DIFFERENT!” Wendy said, and took a few steps toward Robbie. “This time… THIS time I’m walkin’ out of here with your SKULL, you hear me, Shifty? I’m gonna KILL you and I’m gonna rip off your head and spit down your neck and I ain’t gonna be your plaything no more and I’m gonna… I’m gonna… Come on you freak, come on…”

“Woah, woah, woah, hey I’M not the shapeshifter!” Robbie took a few steps back from the feral Wendy. “Like… Like YOU’RE the shapeshifter! Like, they trapped you down here, and now you look like Wen-”

“WHAT THE HECK?!?” Wendy shook her bow threateningly. “The heck kind of game are you playing here? What do you want out of me? What you plannin’ on doing with me this time, huh? And dressed like that?”

“Like… I’m not the shapeshifter!” Robbie brought the pipe up between him and Wendy’s weapon, as if he honestly believed he could block an arrow in midair. “Stop calling me that, it’s me! It’s Robbie! And, like… Wendy’s not even down here so you’re obviously the shapeshifter…! Like, why are we having this convers-”

“WHAT?” Wendy took a few steps closer, and Robbie took a few steps back. Then he tripped on a pipe and fell on his butt, and began crawling backwards away from her. “You…” Wendy frowned, noticing his all-too-human clumsiness and fear. “You…” Her shaking hands slowly lowered the arrow from the bow. “You… Robbie…? You’re… Real?”

“Yeah I’m real, you’re the fake one!” Robbie staggered to his feet, and brought the pipe back up.

“Say…” Wendy’s eyes searched his. “Say something only Robbie would say!”

“Uh… Uh… Like…” Robbie frowned, and hesitantly admitted. “I’m… Sorry for hypnotizing you…”

Wendy shook her head. “Oh… Okay.” She said. “Okay… Okay dude if that’s really you then you need to get out NOW!”

“Wait… What?”

“It’ll be coming back at any time! It could… Okay, who knows you’re down here? Who sent you? Who tricked you? Was it something that looked like someone you trusted? Did it look like me??”

“I kinda came here on my own and there was just Girl Dipper…”

Wendy rushed up to him, grabbed his shoulders, and began shoving him toward the exit. “Then you need to get OUT! It’ll be coming back and…”

“Hold on, hold on!” Robbie put a hand against her chest and pushed her away. He was surprised by how weak and light she was. Wendy was usually kind of strong, wasn’t she? “Like, I think you have some explaining to do!” Robbie said. “You said you’re the real Wendy? Then how’s she up there too? Because last I checked Wendy was fine and wasn’t all… Crazy and sick and whatever and…”

“’She’? ‘She’ is up there? Come on! Come on… It… It took my life too…” Wendy sunk to her knees. “It took my life…”

“It… Oh… Uh… Really?”

“Come on…” Wendy shook her head, and there were tears in her eyes. She tried to wipe them away but instead they just smeared. “It… Nobody could tell? Nobody could tell the difference…?”

“Well…” Robbie shrugged. “I mean, you… Really? The Wendy I’ve been talking to was fake? How long did…?”

“You haven’t noticed anything different about ‘me’ in the past 6 months…?” Wendy sobbed. “REALLY?!? NOTHING?!?”

“Uh…” Robbie thought back. “I guess… You haven’t been spending as much time with us guys… And… You quit your job at the Mystery Shack… And you’ve been getting into a lot of adventures and stuff and… I thought that seemed cool considering all that happened last Summer… But it did kind of seem like you were becoming a dork… I guess…”

“And…” Wendy punched the ground. “AND YOU DIDN’T THINK ANYTHING WAS WRONG?!?”

“Well…” Robbie looked at the woman hunched on the ground in front of him. And it first really, truly dawned on him that this WAS the real Wendy. “Oh… Like, sorry… Uh… I mean, woah… I mean wow, I’m really sorry Wendy! Like, how did this happen? When did it switch? How did you get stuck down here?”

Wendy sniffled through her nose. “Nobody was looking for me… Nobody noticed anything… Robbie, did my parents notice anything?”

“Your parents? No-”

Wendy stood up. “THEN HOW ABOUT DIPPER?!? HE—HE MUST HAVE…”

“No.” Robbie frowned. “That moron didn’t see a thing. I was the first one to find you.”

She buried her face in her hands and walked in a short little circle, before picking up a rock and throwing it against a wall. “Okay…” She said. “Okay, you need to get out of here, Robbie. Get out of here, and play dumb to everyone else until you can talk to Dipper on the down-low. Then you can stage a rescue plan, but until then…”

“Wait, why can’t you come now then? I have the airlock all unlocked, and…”

“BECAUSE!” Wendy pulled up her shirt to show a crooked red scar across her chest. “It put a tracker in me! Believe me, I’ve tried to get out of here alone, and it doesn’t work! It…! It’s not pretty, okay?!? And it promised to do the same thing to my family next time…! So…!”

“What… Wait, what’s it doing to you? Why’s it keeping you alive?”

“Look, I don’t want to talk about it!” Wendy gestured down to the scars and scratches over her body. “Half of it I don’t understand, and the other half I don’t want to talk about! Look, just get Dipper!” She grabbed him again and shoved him toward the airlock. “I can’t have what happened to me happen to you too!”

“Oh… Okay…!” Robbie turned to leave, a little overwhelmed and horrified at the situation.

Before he could properly gather his thoughts, Wendy grabbed him again. “Wait… No… Wait.” She said as she brought him to a stop. Robbie turned back to face her. She met his eyes and held them for a minute. Slowly, her head sunk to his shoulder, and she hugged him. “Robbie…” She mumbled. “It’s… It’s really great to see someone… See you… Again… Thanks for coming… Thanks…”

“Uh… Uh yeah.” He hugged her back. “No problem. I’ll… Like, I’ll spring you from this joint, okay? We’ll kill the monster and then…”

“Like okay, what’s been happening?” She asked.

“Huh?”

“Back on the surface? How’s Dipper doing? How’s Mable doing? And… What’s been going on with you?”

“Oh… Uh… Well the dorks just got back into town like… A week ago… Yeah, a week I think… And Dipper and… The Shifter went off adventuring… Thinking it was you of course… They all thought it was you… And I’m not sure all of what they’ve been doing, but they found this… Like, weird sci-fi robot forest place off in the normal forest place… And there were giant robot cat things that sawed people… Girl Dipper tried to befriend one of them, but it ended up attacking her I guess, and then there was this whole big deal with the…”

Robbie summarized most of his experiences in the past week, relating everything he’d seen and heard of the Forest of Daggers and its denizens, bitterly recalling Dipper’s hostility and jerk-headedness, Mabel’s imaginary romance, his grudging promise to keep her safe, and everything up to the present hour.

Wendy listened, and she memorized every word.

“And how about you?” She asked. “You been holding up okay?”

“Uh… Yeah… Tambry and I are still going steady. I’ve got a part in a band, actually.”

“Oh wow, really? That’s pretty cool! Still playing the same instruments?”

“Yeah, still guitar. Got a pretty sweet new one, though… Man, it’d be cool to show you…”

“Any… Any gigs coming up?”

“Yeah, that’s the funny thing; I was gonna have a concert tonight…”

“Oh woooow… Where at?”

“Over in Boring. A little drive, but not too bad. I was gonna head over there once I helped Girl Dipper with her stupid thing…”

“Yeah… Huh… How’s things with… You know, your parents?”

“UGH don’t get me started…” Robbie shook his head. “You really didn’t miss a thing there; I’ll tell you that much… Still just the same douche-bags as always. Glad to get out of town for a while, really.”

“I feel you…” Wendy laughed half-heartedly. “How’s the…” Her voice got small. “How’s the sun?”

“The sun?” Robbie frowned, thinking that was an awfully weird question. Then he realized how long she’d been trapped here underground, and then he really understood her meaning. “Oh, it’s… It’s still the sun. Nothing changed there. Still hot; still bright. Still… Pretty beautiful, I mean… Okay, don’t worry Wendy. I’ll bust you out of here before too long…”

“Thanks…” Wendy took a breath and nodded. “Hey…” She wiped her nose and pointed to Robbie’s phone. “Maybe you could leave your phone with me…? I mean, you could find another one, and we could communicate…?”

“Uh… Oh sure!” Robbie pulled out his phone and handed it to her.

She turned it on, and began flipping through the apps, trying to familiarize herself with how the gadget worked. “I mean, can’t get wi-fi down here but…” Robbie shrugged. “I think I have like, 1 bar of cell service… Want me to bring down a charger too?”

“Naw, this’ll do for now…” After finding the messenger app with its text history, Wendy pocketed the phone with a little smile.

Then she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “Hey… Thanks for everything, Robbie.”

“Uh…” He smiled, and rubbed his cheek, not quite sure whether he should be thinking about Tambry or kissing Wendy back. “Yeah.” He shrugged. “No prob or whatever… If you need anything just call Tambry I guess…”

“Yeah… Hey.” Wendy straightened up. “Speaking of which, did you bring any food? Like, I’ve been living off of rationed beans down here and… I’m just really, really hungry…”

“Oh…” Robbie searched around in his pockets, but his hands found nothing but his wallet and a gothic keychain. “Girl Dipper probably has some candy up in my van, but I didn’t bring any food with me…”

“No food on you?” Wendy tilted her head to one side.

“Naw, sorry…”

“Well…” Wendy smiled. Her teeth were longer than they were a second ago, and razor sharp. She’d also become about a foot taller than normal. “I guess that’s one final time you’re wrong today.”

Mabel looked up as Robbie appeared at the top of the stairs from the bunker; still looking super slouchy and gothic, but minus one backpack. With a grumpy mutter, he opened the driver-side door, and settled in.

“Soooooooo…?” Mabel kicked her feet. “How’s Shifty? Still frozenified?”

“Yeah, yeah…” Robbie grumbled. “Still just sitting in the tube. Didn’t move an inch.”

“Hmm… Nevertheless, it’s time for my… Skepticles…” Mabel put on her skepticles and leaned over into Robbie’s face. “What took you so long down there?”

“Geez, get away from me.” Robbie shrugged her off. “I was watching the monster, waiting for to move, all right? Like… That thing is freaky, and I wanted to make sure it was frozen. Like, what if it was moving every time you looked away, right? Like those stone statue things in Dr. What or something… You know?”

“Yeaaaaah…” Mabel giggled. “I wouldn’t put it past him; he’s a pretty clever guy and…”

Waddles suddenly popped his head up from the back seat, and looked straight at Robbie. His nose wiggled, and he began to make a series of worried little grunting noises.

Mabel looked from Waddles, to Robbie, to Waddles, and finally back to Robbie.

“What’s his problem?” Robbie frowned at the pig with his characteristic distaste.

“Hmm…” Mabel stroked her chin. “I think he thinks you smell weird… Or different…”

“Well yeah, of course I smell weird!” Robbie growled as he held up his shoe, and showed her the bottom. “I was stepping through puddles of weird sci-fi ooze down there! Like, how long was that monster free? And did he ever have, like, a toilet to use…?”

“GROOOOOS! Robbie!” Mabel covered her ears as Waddles snorted, and ducked back down into hiding. “Waaaait…” Mabel glanced at Waddles, then put her skepticles back on. “Hmm…” She said. “Say something that only Robbie would say.”

“Oh GEEZ now I have to deal with THIS…! Look kid: I did what you said, I froze the junk, and now suddenly I’m the bad guy? Lay off me, all right? You know it’s me…”

“Hmm… That was pretty good… But now do something even more Robbie-like…” Mabel skepticified.

“I hope you choke to death on your own puke.” Robbie grumbled, and turned to regard the van’s steering wheel.

“All right all right, you’re Robbie!” Mabel giggled and swung her legs again. “Now… Back to the Mystery Shack, my valiant chauffeur! Yah! Giddyap! Full speed ahead! HARD-A-STARBOARD!”

“Ugh…” Robbie turned back to regarding the steering wheel, as if it slightly confused him. Slowly, a small smile played across the corner of his mouth. “Say…” He finally grunted. “Do you want to drive?”

“Wait… What?” She tilted her head.

“It’s been a crazy day.” Robbie shrugged. “A little more crazy won’t hurt anything. You wanna give it a whirl?”

“What, like a date?” Mabel frowned.

“Uh…” He didn’t really see how that logic connected. “Daaaaaate… Suuuuure…?”

“Then sure!” Mabel unbuckled and jumped up. “Man, this is so cray-cray…! Can I sit on your lap? I’m gonna sit on your lap! I need to sit on your lap because I can’t reach the pedals! That’s why!”

“Uh… Geeeez… Fine. Kay… But since you’re the one driving, you have to tell me ‘leftfoot/rightfoot’…”

“Mabel accepts this mighty challenge!” Mabel said, as she crawled across the center console to sit on Robbie’s lap and accept the mighty challenge. “Attention First Mate Leg Officer! Present to me the keys!” She held out her hand, and Robbie placed the keys in them.

The van started.

“Okaaaay…” Mabel frowned. “Now give me a hint!”

“No hints.” Robbie scoffed. “I’m just the Leg Officer.”

“Okay… Right foot then!” Mabel declared. “That’s the gas, right?”

Robbie hit the gas and the van revved.

“Oops, okay…” Mabel tried to shift it into ‘drive’. “Hmm… The lever doesn’t work… Oh yeah, you have to push the brake to flip the lever! Left foot!”

Robbie pressed the brake and the van shifted into drive.

“Right foot!”

The van revved again.

“Come on Robbie don’t be dumb! Un-foot the left whenever you foot the right!”

“Naturally.” Robbie said.

The van lurched forward.

“And not so hard!”

“Naturally.”

The van slowed to a crawl.

“Harder than that!”

“Naturally.”

The van accelerated down the road.

“Now where’s the turn blinker?”

“Well, I don’t know Captain; where IS the turn blinker?”

“You know what, Robbie?” Mabel turned them up the road, and toward the light of the sinking sun. “I was kind of thinking you’re not such a fun guy, but I was wrong! You ARE fun!”

“Qr irrg rq brx?” Zhqgb wlowhg khu khdg wr rqh vlgh.

“Qdz, vruub…”

“Zhoo…” Zhqgb vplohg. Khu whhwk zhuh orqjhu wkdq wkhb zhuh d vhfrqg djr, dqg udcru vkdus. Vkh’g dovr ehfrph derxw d irrw wdoohu wkdq qrupdo. “L jxhvv wkdw’v rqh ilqdo wlph brx’uh zurqj wrgdb.”

“Zdlw… Zkdw?” Ureelh iurzqhg. Wkhq kh qrwlfhg wkh fkdqjhv frplqj ryhu Zhqgb’v ergb, dqg klv vploh glvdsshduhg. “ZRDK, kxk??” Wkhq wkh wuxwk gdzqhg rq klp; wkh ixoo hawhqw ri klv huuru. “Qr… QR KHB! Jhw dzdb iurp ph!” Kh vwxpeohg edfnzdugv, dqg wxuqhg durxqg wr vsulqw iru wkh exqnhu’v halw.

Wkh fuhdwxuh zdv idvw hqrxjk wr vslq durxqg lq iurqw ri klp lq wkh wlph lw wrrn klp wr wxuq. Lw zdv rqob ydjxhob Zhqgb-olnh dw wklv srlqw, dqg prusklqj udslgob lqwr vrphwklqj zruvh. Ureelh wulhg rqfh pruh wr wxuq durxqg, exw wkh fuhdwxuh dsshduhg dkhdg ri klp djdlq. Kh wulhg wr edfn dzdb, exw klv edfnvlgh udq lqwr wkh zdoo ri wkh fdyh. Kh wulhg wr vzlqj klv slsh, exw lw erxqfhg kdupohvvob rii wkh fuhdwxuh’v ilup, zklwh pxfxv odbhu. “JHW DZDB!” Kh sohdghg. Wkh odvw wudfhv ri lwv Zhqgb irup kdg glvdsshduhg, dqg d vwudqjh, vkdus prxwk vplohg grzq dw klp.

Rqh ri lwv pdvvlyh fodzv vodvkhg iruzdug, dqg julsshg wkh iurqw ri Ureelh’v krrglh. Zlwk rqh kdqg, lw oliwhg klp lq wkh dlu. “Vhw ph grzq!” Ureelh bhoohg.

“Brx nqrz…” Wkh fuhdwxuh pxvhg, lq lwv wuxh yrlfh. “Brx fdph grzq khuh dorqh dqg xqduphg, brx dffhswhg pb olhv, brx wrvvhg dvlgh brxu vxvslflrqv, brx erxjkw lw doo xs… L wrog brx hyhubwklqj brx zdqwhg wr khdu, dqg lq uhwxuq, brx wrog ph hyhubwklqj L qhhghg wr nqrz… L zdqwhg wr odxjk iru prvw ri lw, lw zdv vr hdvb… Zkb wkh ghylo glg wkdw jluo hqolvw BRXU khos? Vkh vhhphg euljkwhu wkdq wkdw odvw wlph vkh zdv grzq khuh… Khk khk… Jhw lw? ‘Euljkwhu’? Ehfdxvh ri khu oljkw-xs vkluw? …Rk, qhyhu plqg. Gxpe sxq.”

“VF-VFUHZ BRX!” Ureelh jdvshg krduvhob.

“Qr, L’oo mxvw hdw brx.” Wkh vkliwhu fkxfnohg. “Exw vlqfh brx’yh khoshg ph, L’oo pdnh lw idvw dqg sdlqohvv. Forvh brxu hbhv.” Lw rshqhg lwv prxwk dqg uhdfkhg iru klv wkurdw.

“QR! QR SOHDVH! SOHDVH! KHOS!”

Vxgghqob, wkh fdyh zdv iloohg zlwk d eolqglqj iodvk ri eoxh oljkw.

Wkh vkliwhu eolqnhg dqg vkrrn klv khdg. Zkhq klv hbhv fdph edfn lqwr irfxv, kh irxqg wkdw klv fodz zdv hpswb, klv suhb jrqh. Kh iurzqhg, wklqnlqj wklv zdv d udwkhu xqfrqyhqwlrqdo wxuq ri hyhqwv.

Kh orrnhg ohiw. Kh vdz qrwklqj. Kh orrnhg uljkw. Kh vdz qrwklqj. Kh orrnhg doo durxqg. Qdgd. Wkh kxpdq zdv qrzkhuh wr eh vhhq.

Kh hasdqghg klv qrvh dqg hduv qrz, wr vfdq wkh fdyh zlwk doo klv vhqvhv. Mxvw rq wkh wkuhvkrog ri klv ehvw khdulqj, kh wkrxjkw kh frxog pdnh rxw d vwhdgb khduwehdw.

Dqg kh vphoohg vrphwklqj. Vrphwklqj rxw-ri-sodfh. Vrphwklqj… Kxpdqrlg? Vrphwklqj lq wkh edfn ri klv plqg uhjlvwhuhg wkh vphoo dv ydjxhob idploldu, exw kh frxogq’w txlwh sodfh lw.

Klv hbhv iroorzhg klv qrvh xs wrzdug wkh fdyh’v udiwhuv, dqg wkhuh kh irxqg klv wdujhw. Kljk deryh klp, fordnhg lq wkh vkdgrzv ri d zlgh vwhho ehdp, wkhuh furxfkhg d gdun dqg vlohqw iljxuh. Lw dsshduhg wr fduub vrph irup ri zhdsrq voxqj wr lwv edfn, dowkrxjk kh frxogq’w pdnh rxw pdqb ghwdlov lq wkh qhdu-shuihfw gdunqhvv. Kh frxog vhh uhiohfwlrqv iurp wzr hbhv.

Wkh iljxuh uhdfkhg lqwr lwv srfnhw dqg sxoohg rxw d vpdoo, ilvw-vlchg ghylfh.

Zlwk dqrwkhu iodvk ri eoxh oljkw, lw ydqlvkhg.

Wklv wlph, wkh vkliwhu ihow vrphwklqj lq klv fodz. D vpdoo vols ri sdshu, wkdw kdgq’w ehhq wkhuh ehiruh.

Kh xqiroghg wkh sdshu, dqg orrnhg grzq dw wkh zrugv zulwwhq xsrq lw.

-Ehzduh.

-Ydoldqw khurhv duh zdwfklqj brx lqwhqwob.

-Dqg brx gr qrw ghvhuyh wkhlu phufb.

Wkh qrwh zdv vljqhg zlwk d vlpsoh slfwxuh: d uhg krxujodvv, qhduob hpswb ri vdqg.

“Kpp.” Wkh vkliwhu vplohg edfn xs dw wkh hpswb udiwhu. “Zhoo phw, pb qhz hqhpb.”

Dqg zlwk wkdw, kh wxuqhg wrzdug wkh dluorfn wkdw Ureelh kdg ohiw xqorfnhg. Dw orqj, orqj odvw, kh zdv iuhh.

#The Forest Of Daggers #wendip #wendy x dipper #gravity falls #scifi #wendy corduroy #dipper pines #shapeshifter #see you next summer #fanfiction #fanart #alien #robot #ghost #wendipweek

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les-bi-katamari · 6 years

Text

SESSION 22 (6/17/18)

We flash back to the previous night [since Billie’s player is here].

Juna has invited Megs back to her and her family’s room. Juna and her family fall asleep quickly, but Megs lingers, thinking. It’s been a long time, she’s a long way from home, but she has made some friends out here.

Anchasra’s words still echo in her mind, those psychic whispers, taunting her. She remembers Ivandra’s face, the betrayal of confidence etched across it. But she’s here now, bringing some comfort to this woman. It can’t be all bad. She fades to a peaceful sleep.

That same night, before going to bed, Cadence sets up an offering to Mielikki – harvest vegetables, spirits, herbs, a wooden carving of a unicorn. She begins preparations for her ritual, almost as though preparing a meal for two, burning incense in the air. She reaches out for guidance – “Will everyone make it home after the big battle?”

Across from her, there is a space in the smoke, as if an unseen figure were seated across from her. The figure reaches out, and touches her, and her vision of the room around her fades out…

She sees a city, on a cliff overlooking the sea. She sees the terraces descending down to the sea level. The vision fades, then she’s on the streets. People around her look… empty. Gaunt. Tired and scared, looking over their shoulders. It fades again. She sees a keep, busy with guards and servants.

The vision is getting darker, now not so much fading in and out as pressing forward, inside, warping the inside of the castle, until it appears to be black, shadowed, writhing walls. She enters a deeper chamber, which is filled with bodies – many of them clad like the guards outside, many others. There is a man in fine garb writhing, on the throne – he has a weaselly look about him. He is sleeping fitfully. Next to him, whip-thin, is a bright red tiefling woman with a shock of blue hair. She holds a clawed hand to the lord’s forehead, smiling. Cadence can now see that what looked like shadows are figures, writhing, twisting. Now she sees Anchasra, and her friends fighting him, surrounded by shapeless horrors.

It fades to darkness. A voice speaks out. “I cannot say what the future holds. But the dangers are greater than you know. Prepare. Be ready.”

She writes all of this down, and remembers what one of the interrogee-s told us, about a wizard cultist doing research – the tiefling looks like she might be her.

Back to the morning – Cadence shares this with the group during the strategy meeting. It’s grim, but we can’t think of anything else to do, really – we’re on a time crunch.

Megs and Juna are watching over the kids during the meeting. There’s a lot of wrangling to do. Juna says, “It’s funny, I realized – we’ve kissed a lot, but I don’t really know much about you! We haven’t had the chance to sit and talk much. Where are you from? Can I ask that? I figure it’s as good a starting place as any.”

[We decide Megs is from Cerveaux, same as Nemeth.] She tells Juna as such. They spend some more time chatting and getting to know each other.

As we’re heading down to the docks, we hear a scream. We rush in that direction – there are some people gathered around a house in particular. As Ghorza asks what’s going on – “No idea! We just heard a scream from the neighbor’s house!” – Brianne opens the door, which was not locked.

We hear sloshing sounds from upstairs, and as we investigate, we see someone’s hand on the floor, sticking out of a door, twitching and spasming. There’s a horrifying snarl, and the sound of something wet and heavy being dragged. We head on up – [“Are you being stealthy?” “CLANGCLANGCLANGNO”] – and see a middle-aged woman, spasming on the floor. Ghorza goes to get a towel or something to support her head, and Brianne looks into another room – she sees a middle-aged man twitching on the bed, and then something else – and she freezes in place.

She’s now twitching, paralyzed, and not sensing the room around her quite as it was – it appears to have taken on an amniotic quality, black, fluid…

Ghorza asks ‘found anything?’ as she returns to place the towel under the woman’s head. There’s no response from Brianne, and she draws her weapon.

Apphia heads into the room and, past the twitching Brianne, sees an abomination. Hanging from the ceiling is this seething, bluish-black mass, at times looking shapeless, at others a humanoid shape, but with boneless, tentacle-like appendages. There is a nodule on it, with an empty, gaping darkness. Along it are rows of faintly glowing spots, winking in pale light, perhaps some kind of sequence? The nodule opens like an umbrella, rows and rows of glassy teeth inside, and it hisses at her.

Apphia launches a guiding bolt, and the creature’s body just – isn’t there? Rippling and flowing, the bolt slamming into the wall behind it. She screams out for the others.

Megs is the quickest to get to her, and she sees the thing – the FAMILIAR thing, that she saw before in the forest! It’s bigger now. She shoots it with a longbow.

Ghorza DOES manage to land two hits on the Remora, despite the cramped conditions – it feels like cutting through gelatin, and seems more solid and here as her magic weapon slices into it. But the monster screeches, reverberating into her mind, and Ghorza is locked in place as well.

Cadence and Nemeth get the paralyzed party members back up and running, thankfully, and we start dealing some damage to the horror, when the lights on its back brighten, and half the party is suddenly in that same viscous, dark room, surrounded by many of these things, and we’re fleeing for our lives. Apphia and Cadence, the only ones who didn’t get Fear-ed, are left on their own, trying to bring this thing down.

Ghorza and Nemeth manage to come to their senses as they’re running downstairs… with no memory of what happened when they were investigating the house! They shout out for Apphia and Cadence as Brianne and Megs continue to BOLT, and make their way back upstairs, seeing a grotesque horror for the very first time!

Apphia, meanwhile, fries the thing with lightning, which it DOES NOT LIKE. It vanishes, and Megs and Brianne are suddenly loose from the Fear – but once again, it tries to wipe all our memories. Only Apphia and Megs remember anything since the combat started.

Ghorza scoops up her dropped weapon and shield, following Apphia as she chases something, throwing a knife at it. “Apphia? What are you doing?” “It’s still here! It’s going this way!” “What is?” “The thing Megs saw in the forest!”

She hears the oozing invisible thing too, thankfully, and shoots a couple arrows before we remember that Cadence has Dispel Magic. She comes and casts it – and for the first time ever, Cadence and I see the form of this horrible abomination! As it oozes for the door, Apphia hits it with a barrage of magic missiles, and it bursts.

As it hits the ground, Ghorza says, “Well, that was fast! You managed to take it down in one hit!” Apphia turns to her with a horrified/outraged look. “I’VE BEEN FIGHTING IT THIS WHOLE TIME!”

Megs and Brianne catch up at this point, and the guards are on their way. Apphia prods the thing with her staff, splattering it more – it is vanishing as we watch, the stuff of its body coming loose from the world.

Apphia heads upstairs to check on the civilians. They are no longer insensate, but they are babbling and raving, and still too weak to get up. She’s very disturbed by their muttering. “They’re still here... they’re everywhere...”

Ghorza brings in the guard and tries to explain, but between her memory wipe and Megs’s... not being very good at describing things... they don’t do very well at all. Thankfully, Apphia comes down and manages to explain things properly.

[“…the jellyfish thing tried to vore our cat, it was this whole thing…”]

Ghorza heads back upstairs to comfort the civilians - when the woman sees her and the axe on her back, however, she starts gesturing frantically towards it and her head. She begs Ghorza to kill her, whimpering about how it’s still inside. Ghorza does not, and is suddenly seized with an idea - she lays her hands on the woman’s temples, and a soothing power starts to envelop them, passing into the woman - but there is no change. She shakes her head sadly, and Ghorza carries her to the bed, laying her next to her husband.

After the guards leave and the others come back, we send for a healer - Apphia goes to get Giselle, the woman she met at the bathhouse.

Meanwhile, Brianne heads out to buy a pearl as focus for a spell of her own that she hopes might work (though OOC we know it won’t). After asking around for a jeweller, she is directed to the halfling merchant who sold Apphia the Cloak of Billowing. He notes with some amusement that she should really try a jeweller, and Brianne is mortally offended.

The party reconvenes, and Giselle examines the couple as we explain what had happened.

She begins a complicated ritual, wrapping the red cord of her holy symbol around her hands to form a cats cradle, which she passes into the stricken woman’s head. As the priestess passes the cat’s cradle through her head, the woman spasms, and blue-black ichorous residue starts to seep out of the corners of her eyes, her nose, her mouth, her ears, oozing out of her and slowly fading out of the world. Giselle, horrified, backs the hell away until she sees the stuff is inert. The woman gasps suddenly, rubbing the stuff off her face (Apphia helps with prestidigitation), then curls up in the fetal position, crying.

“It… seems like that worked? That’s good, right?” G: “Can you do it again?” Giselle tries Remove Curse, which does work on the man. “It seems to be, not a disease, but purely magic, like a curse that burrows into the mind and grows into another one of the things you fought.” We are all extremely horrified.

Brianne also tells the party that we should ‘never visit that merchant again.’ We are all bemused and exasperated.

End of session!

#recap #day 8

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