#and i was thinking it was just that my workplace was the problem

[virahaus]

Okay so I'm gonna say this cause I've just seen another post reiterating this narrative and I simply cannot comprehend the way people are going out of their way to make Tommy a villain when he's NOT.

First of all, the much discussed date.

It was clear that before Eddie and Marisol showed up Tommy was totally fine with Buck being a bit of a clueless baby bi and did not put it against him. He didn't say anything snarky to him, nor he questioned him being out or not, he teased and flirted with him even after the whole "I'm an ally" speech, which kudos to my man cause I couldn't have taken my date seriously if they said something like that.

It's clear that Tommy only took issues with the way the date was going after Buck made the horrible decision to say that they are going to pick up "hot chicks" and play it up like that.

Now, I don't think the issue here is Buck not saying he's on a date with him. It's clear by the way the dialogue has been constructed with all the hints about closet space and by Tommy's snarky line (which again VALID. He was not outing Buck. He was not trying in the slightest to do so. Eddie and Marisol are talking about closet space as in FURNITURE. To that for Eddie to take a leap and think that the closet is something more than it is, is frankly ridiculous. We know the double meaning because we are the audience. It's a joke for US, and for Buck only, not for Eddie who by the way was also clueless about Tommy's own sexuality);

The real problem was that Buck also shoved Tommy back in the closet. I don't think Tommy wanted Buck to announce there and there that they were on a date, especially after the whole convo and questions about being out in the workplace. It's an obvious hint to the fact that Buck is not out and it's reinforced by Buck also telling him that it's his first date with a dude. Season 7 Tommy hasn't been shown to be stupid or insensitive so it's obvious that he would have read between the lines.

So, it's clear that the issue here is that Tommy did not want to be shoved back into the closet, especially after years of unlearning bad behaviour and the journey to accept the fact he's gay. He doesn't offer it but he also doesn't want to be shoved back into a position where he has to deny he's gay. Which again, is super valid of him.

The moment most people try to use against Tommy is the fact that he cut off their date and left Buck alone outside the restaurant, which... Tommy had all the right to cut short their date. He was uncomfortable with how things were going and so he cut his losses. He's not rude or disrespectful, he even reiterates how he thinks Buck is adorable and in the same breath he also establishes his limits. Again, fair.

But some of y'all are acting as if he left Buck alone in the middle of the desert, not in fucking LA where Buck can call a cab anytime and go back home easily. Buck is not a kid, he's a grown ass man and can very well go back home alone. He's not drunk, nor under substance, he's not injured and he certainly can use his phone and call a cab.

You all have a thing about seeing Buck as completely incompetent, helpless and unable to take care of himself, and I must remind you that he's the same person who got out of his parents house and immediately took off and did a tour of the Americas, managed to live on his own, and was healthy and alive when he got to LA in season 1.

So you might want to remember that.

Another thing you all like to dangle over Tommy like "gotcha" kinda moment is the fact that in his past he was an asshole to Chin and Hen, some almost 10 years before what is being shown on screen now. It's clear that he's friends with Chim still and even if he did not keep in touch with Hen there's no animosity there either. In the flashback where he leaves the 118 Hen is the one to shove him face first into a cake. Do you think he would have taken it so well had they not been friendly? Or that Hen would have done that if she didn't think she could do so? It's already established in the flashbacks that they have worked through their issues and for you to demand Hen or Chim to be hostile with him rn or that he needs to "work for their friendship" it's simply madness.

The flashbacks already established him as having changed and being friends with both them and Bobby, since there's also a scene of them going out to a bar together and they all have fun together. For you to demand more without also having a Tommy Begins episode it's frankly ridiculous. He's not that important in Chim or Hen's lives as of now to need a further explanation but "they resolved their issues and there's that". And he was not obligated to come out to Hen at any time. You do not owe your sexuality to anyone.

Anyway. There's that. My big rant for some of the things I've seen since the break. If y'all liked this I might do more dissertations of the other out of pocket takes I've seen around. And my ask is also open if you want to ask my opinion on something

#tommy kinard #evan buckley #bucktommy #tevan #henrietta wilson #chimney han #howard chimney han #evan buck buckely #911 abc #911 fandom #911 show #911 spoilers #911 season 7 #hen wilson #eddie diaz #my post #911 speculation #911 #911 spec #911 s7

[mariemariemaria]

Does anybody else feel like mental health awareness has done very little to help them in material reality

#i was gonna say done nothing to help but that seemed too harsh #like there definitely is more knowledge about it now. maybe more people feel comfortable speaking about it which is good #but personally i don't feel that. like idk. workplaces will post about mental health awareness and then do nothing to help employees #the same w universities. my uni cut back the already meager mental health support #and then the government is doing absolutely fuck all as well #like idk im just back in a place i thought id gotten out of long ago and i still don't feel comfortable talking about it with people #maybe that's a me problem or maybe it's cultural or something idk. but in the 10 years ive been depressed (🫠) i don't think it's gotten a #whole lot better. teenagers are still dealing with the same shit i did and they're still not being taken seriously #women's mental health is not even spoken about.....anxiety depression sh eds etc are still ignored or seen as hysterical behaviour in women #or just normal esp with disordered eating. society hasn't changed people still want women to be stick thin and weak #like i know 10 years is a short time and there has been massive improvements in mh awareness if we look back over the past 50+ years #but idk i just think that it hasn't gotten better for a lot of people #i think specifically of belfast and like god. the amount of trauma there is the amount of homelessness the amount of substance abuse #drug abuse in particular that has gotten visibly worse over the past decade or so* #and i connect the dots n see the 2008 recession + a tory gov defunding the nhs + dehumanisation of homeless people & addicts + the troubles #+ ptsd + generational trauma + a negative peace + classism + paramilitary drug dealers + parties linked to those paramilitaries #and its like hmmmm i think we live in a society. and a mental health approach based on individual actions like journaling and meditation #isn't the way to go. or at least is not the be all and end all which is what a lot of mental health awareness raising seems to promote #*visibly worse on the streets. it was always a problem ofc but even a decade ago my parents never imagined it would be as bad as it is now #and it's become so normalised. i do think there's less individualism here than there seems to be elsewhere which can be good and can be bad #but i think we are becoming more and more individualistic. slowly. there's still a sense of community here but i do think it's changing #and callousness towards homeless people is one of the most obvious examples of this. #love when i put a wee asterisk in the tags of a post. like i have A Lot To Say lol

[soldier-poet-king]

Fuckin screaming

My boss, after reading the RFP I wrote last week: oh but I didn't think the history section explained the use case well enough [well you didn't give me any info so I was going based on what I could piece together], your appendix didn't include xyz fields [YOU DIDNT TELL ME THEY EXISTED AND I HAD NO WAY TO FIND THAT OUT SINCE y'all aren't even following BASIC RM principles when it's not convenient], what about xyz problem [ITS IN THE FUTURE STATE REQUIREMENTS. DID U NOT FUCKIN READ THEM. THEYRE IN BRIGHT RED FOR A REASON], your questions for the vendor seem too vague, we need specifics and answers in 2 weeks [specifics in what sense??? You haven't laid out a plan for this!!! It's not MY FAULT y'all decided to engage a vendor BEFORE doing an RFP or even OUTLINING THE BARE MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS FOR YOUR PROPOSED SOLUTION. Like ofc it's gonna be weird and clunky YOURE DOING THE WHOLE PROCESS BACKWARDS. AND THE MFING COMMITTEE CANT GIVE ME A SINGLE ANSWER SO IM PULLING FUNCTIONAL REQUIREMENTS OUT OF MY ASS]

NOTABLY she did not comment on the requirements section. Y'know. The actual core and central purpose of this document. The whole reason it was given to ME (the only computer literate archivist in the group) like??? HELLO. Please. Please sit down and tell me what you think the purpose of this document and the process of engaging with a vendor is like. Please. Please tell me how you think ANY of this works, or how you expect it to work on your whack ass timeline

The IT guy?? On the other hand??? I asked him for a second pair of eyes on the technical requirements (BC unlike SOME people I know my fuckin limits and I'm primarily a records manager not a database designer) and he was like oh no it looks great you nailed it and it's exactly the type of document they should be using.

So like. One of the only other ppl in the building who knows what they're talking about agrees with me. He however has the ability and a legitimate reason to recuse himself from this whole shitshow. *I* do not.

#franposting #i am genuinely like so mad rn. #WHERE IS THE COMPETENCY. OR AT THE VERY LEAST COMMON FUCKIN SENSE #OR LIKE #KNOWLEDGE OF HOW THE WORLD WORKS AND BUSINESS PLACES OPERATE #i know we're all la di da in non profit land but like #HELLO??? THIS IS NOT HOW WE ENGAGE TECH COMPANIES MA'AM #nor is it how we get FUNCTIONAL solutions to this ACTUALLY VERY EASY TO SOLVE PROBLEM YALL ARE JUST DUMB #im so mad im not doing ANYTHING else today out of spite #im gonna sit at my desk and listen to the tge audiobook #oh csevet we're really in it now. #truly the fantasy secretary trope appeals to me for so many reasons #but one of the biggest is just. i am a competent organizer and fast learner and logical thinker surrounded by IDIOTS ALWAYS #and its like. wrangling my superiors and higher ups into seeing sense #because they dk what theyre talking about. but you are just a lowly worm so ofc you cant just outright SAY that #you have to coach them qith obsequiousness into thinking they reached the conclusion themselves #bonus points for women not being allowed to be confident and prideful in their capabilities #i am going to fuckin. explode #once again. make me supreme dictator of information management in my workplace or die by my sword

[sonego]

i texted my coordinator at work (he knows about my cat) like we're gonna say goodbye to him today but we still don't know details i'll let you know when/if i can come in today as soon as i know i'm sorry ... and he just said to take the entire afternoon and "we'll see you tomorrow. a big hug" 😭😭

#it's wild i make myself feel bad over these things but then i get this and #i remember my workplace is a good workplace and my coordinators are understanding and they seriously do care about me as a person #which i've known since day 1 it's just kinda my default to assume i'm inconveniencing others by having needs and problems #but anyway. think i need this day off in any case #like i also have a cold but it doesn't even register it's just all a big Bad 😭 #gonna try to rest and whenever my mum hears back from the vet i'll go but like #i have to try to chill !!!!! doesn't help to stress over everything when we know and i can do something i will

[electrosquash]

Tf is wrong with my bosssssss

#wearing my hair open today (rare) and he suddenly goes on about the new applicant being a short-haired woman #and our former ceo would never have hired her because she's not a tall conventionally attractive blonde #but now that he's in charge there's no problem with women in the workplace because he's perfectly accepting??? why do you need to tell me #for the record our old ceo had no problem with me. his issue was just rampant corruption and weird business decisions. #i think my boss is conflicted with his own misogyny and projects it onto absent people whose opinions can't be checked.

[ratsandfashion]

I realize people are just trying to be nice and support me when I vent I'm having a hard day at work, which is what I want but this is the second person in as many servers who has joked I should burn the place down and like maybe I am just oversensitive af but like, they know I don't work at a store or something, I work in a building of people with cognitive disabilities, it hits a little different than that "joke" normally would.

#like my problems are not asshole customers or asshole managers #it's from one of the most vulnerable and frequently abused/targeted populations #they may be driving me nuts atm but the fact a lot of ppl genuinely want to do them harm makes me not find that funny at all #to say nothing of the fact that when they are targeted for violence it's often by their own caregivers #again I know they are not actually suggesting I burn my workplace and are trying to be supportive and just didn't think it through but #yikes you know

[live-laugh-lenney]

absolute waffle going on in the tags.

ignore (or read if you're that interested).

i just wanna speak but have no one to speak too so my tumblr tags are basically just nothing but my internal thoughts needing to come out.

sorry.

love to you all. x

#and it's also tmi so you REALLY don't need to read this #especially if periods make you feel woozy #but #my periods for the last few months have been extremely heavy #like EXTREMELY #to the point where it's in need of a change every hour instead of every 6... #which is worrying no??? #i'm terrified #really been through the ringer this week #thought i was pregnant - am not! thankfully #think i have a major fatigue problem - too scared for the doctors #definitely trying not to overthink these heavy periods... #but the cramps are crazy intense #i nearly passed out at work #and it's upsetting my stomach to the point where it's not actually sickness and diarhea but i'm not sick enough to take off work #like #when does becoming a women and having period cramps become a serious thing in the workplace???? #i'm struggling #thankfully i have the day off tomorrow but still #i have another few days of this and i just wanna cry about it #which i don't know is either hormonal or actually really upsetting #lord help me

[july-19th-club]

one thing about getting sick for me is that before covid (the first time) my colds and flus and whatnot all went in a very specific pattern: i would get a sore throat for a day or two, then violently congested for three or four days, then a runny nose/drainage for three or four days after that, and finally a cough, which was my favorite part of the cold (if a person can be said to have a favorite part of a cold) because it meant it was almost over AND that the problem was largely not in my face and neck anymore. but any illness i've had since that first covid has been all over the map - either i don't get the sore throat at all, just straight into the congestion, or the sore throat happens at a different time, or longer, or worse, or i have to spit a lot because otherwise i get so nauseous from sinus drainage that i throw up, or the congestion and the runny nose happen concurrently with not just each other but ALSO the sore throat (which is what's happening right now and i hate it) and like. because it doesn't follow the pattern i spent twenty-six years of my life getting used to, i'm always freaked out. which i would be anyway because ever since i had the first covid getting sick freaks me out. and it should freak more people out if im being honest. but this is a weird one bc like. i dont know how it did that but it disrupted MY trusty sick pattern

#i say 'first covid' because even though both rapid tests were negative yesterday there's a high likelihood they were false negatives #the most likely explanation is 'my brother brought covid to christmas and three days later i also got covid' #a perfectly reasonable chain of logic that my family refuses to entertain because it would make it His Fault #and nobody wants to blame mister perfect #he's my brother and i mostly love him. but the thing with him and me is that he's two years younger than me but has always had an energy of #i dont know. maturity? know-it-all-ness which comes off as maturity? emotional stoicism? < thats it probably right there #i was always a very emotional child. and undiagnosedly autistic. so he is in some ways the eldest child. and i resent it #like. we all know he's NOT the eldest. but he takes charge of things like he thinks he is. and when i take charge of things i am... #not authoritative #anyway he's the engineer and emotionally stoic and can 'beat' any problem by simply glaring at it hard enough (he thinks) and he's like #the oldest son. and i think somewhere back in the family hindbrain where they'd never recognize or admit it . that holds weight #oldest son holds just SLIGHTLY more weight than oldest daughter #although. had i been born a boy and been exactly the same personality-wise as i am already. he would still be like this #and we would still have this uncomfortable dynamic #anyway mister special can't get anybody sick and it's probably not his fault because i come into contact with people all the time! #sure. at my much more secure workplace where i spend less than five minutes with most patrons. and a lot more people mask #versus . him a foot away from me at the dinner table sniffling into his ham. hmmmmmm. you're an engineer. you do the math

[johnny-and-dora]

🚨OBLIGATORY MYTHIC QUEST SEASON 3 POST🚨

i’ve had some time to think about it and i enjoyed s3 overall - there was some really funny stuff, great performances (especially from charlotte and rob) and some really great episodes. it’s nothing that people haven’t said before (and probably a lot better), but if there’s one criticism i have, it’s the lack of character development/arcs for anyone other than poppy & ian. i love their dyanmic and it’s always been the central dyanmic of the show, but mq has such a great talented ensemble cast with such varied rich characters and most of them were criminally underused this season, ESPECIALLY brad in my extremely biased yet valid opinion. (more under the cut)

it’s just frustrating bc the s2 finale set up so many interesting things that didn’t really matter in the end. how did brad going to prison for jo not matter? why did rachel give up on writing so easily, espeically after cw died? why is dana suddenly just another version of ian now who somehow has the power and resources to start her own studio? tbh i’m mainly mad that they called an episode “to catch a mouse” AND had a brad/jo subplot and didn’t explore their wonderful unhinged mouse/shark dyanmic. it was right there!!! and why completely scrap the movie subplot in the last episode, becuase that just made it feel like a big waste of time. i think mythic quest: playpen is a great way of compromising and a great way to get ian and poppy to rejoin mq, i’m much more into the plot of mq vs another rival studio (i’m assuming we might see that with studio dana in s4) as i thought mq vs grimpop was going to be a thing this season that we...didn’t see at all

i really liked the christmas episode (reminded me of everlight, my favourite ep) and sarian (holy shit that was some insanely perfect casting for young poppy). charlotte was fantastic as poppy the whole season, she had some of the funniest stuff and she nailed the sadder scenes too. i just thought s2 built on s1 so perfectly by playing with new dyanmics and showing whole new sides to characters (specifically brad and cw) so it’s frustrating to watch what felt like a backwards step in that sense, especially when it comes to brad, who felt like he was just...there. the “oh i’m just the janitor definitely not up to something nefarious” and david being so paranoid thing at the start of the season was so funny, so why did that go nowhere? brad and rachel is a really funny dyanmic, but brad saying he manipulated rachel into abandoning her ethics for the rewards of capitalism felt so much like tell, don’t show. like where is the evidence for that? also fuck nfts lol but this post is already far too long

i really like this show, that’s still true after this season. i think the two season renewal was probably a blessing and a curse and season 3 will end up being a transitionary season, maybe it was a little directionless because they knew they had another one guaranteed, i don’t know. the s3 finale did set up a lot of cool potential arcs for s4, i’m paticularly intersted in how that brad/dana/jo dyanmic will play out and i also love poppy/ian/david as a trio so that could be really fun. i just wanna see more from the whole cast, there’s so much potential for comedy and drama too with all of these characters! 

#mythic quest #shut up sian #i just think that danny is so brilliant and i want to see the writers use his full potential #like lbr a brad flashback ep is the dream #manifesting a real breaking brad 2 for s4 #but s3 didn't just have a brad problem it had a nearly everyone problem #i still liked it a lot and so did my dad so that's the main thing. my dad finds mq extra hilarious now that he's watched welcome to wrexham #and knows that rob is essentially just playing an exaggerated version of himself #ANYWAY. it's nice to be unhinged about a workplace sitcom again brings me right back to the b99 days #to catch a mouse literally haunts me i still can't believe it wasn't even a mouse #okay BYE #no-one i know irl (except my dad) watches mq can you tell i needed to get this out somewhere

[cubeg1rl]

my new work fucks by the way! nothing is monitored and horrifying it's like a normal job and i get to use really nice office equipment (i love you shredder for stacks of documents i love you heat file binding thing i love you fancy scanner) also my bosses/coworkers are rly nice

#never going back to a call centre again if I have any other option #i have a lil bit of trauma from it i think???? #I don't want to cheapen the word i just mean I'm having like serious problems w adjusting & anxiety / being in A Workplace #bro the workplace is meant to be the scary place. i feel like i keep coming to my normal job like braced for pain 😅 #and then I'm like surprised and tense when nothing bad happens? #ANYWAY i might see if i can get a lil bit of therapy #also I think I'm starting to loosen up a bit! so overall I'm feeling rly good :)

[terrainofheartfelt]

The thought of a fried chicken sandwich truly the only thing getting me through this day

#there’s a local place by my church job that’s just ahhhhhhhhhhhh #the workplace nonsense continues #followed by commute nonsense #and I am over ALL #of it. #I’m also hungry #but even if I weren’t I’d still be peeved #I’ve graduated to typing out rants in teams messages to myself #because I cannot keep sending them to the gc #because all they say is ‘get out!’ and it’s like BITCH i am TRYING #if I had the money I probably would quit. but I don’t. which is the problem #of course if I were paid more I probably wouldn’t be this frustrated #but since I am not being properly compensated for the work performance that is being demanded of me #i deserve the right to be cunty #I’m mad and ranting in tumblr tags bc I think everyone else in my life is weary of this #or I am weary of telling them

[orcelito]

perhaps also related to the fact that i am scheduled to close this weekend with the person who was apparently laughing about how a year ago there was a supervisor chat without me Specifically for the purpose of shit talking me

and im supposed to treat her graciously after that? get Fucking real.

#speculation nation #negative/ #like. i will. i'll treat her politely as is expected of me working with someone i dont like #even though that wasn't a courtesy extended to me by the people last year. including her apparently! #i dont know why she's come back. i want to gut her like a fish. #i dont think i mentioned that but i learned a few weeks ago that she was laughing about this to a few employees #who called her out for it. which makes me feel very grateful to them. #how fucking immature though. resorting to bullying and ostracizing in a workplace environment. #this was the bullshit that had me fucking Sobbing bc of it all. and you're Laughing about it? #you saw the day that girl screamed at me & how i cried for a half hour straight in storage #until i finally pulled myself together enough to work (though i was still next to tears for Hours) #me. a person who cries Maybe 4 times a year. if even. it had me struggling that hard to not cry. #and this is Funny to you? it's Funny that i was treated like that? just because you all didnt like me bc i was Too Confrontational? #a: im as confrontational as i need to be to avoid problems festering. as a grown fucking adult should be. #and b: even if you didnt like me that's still fucked UP #what the fuck is WRONG with you people??????? why do you take so much glee from my pain? #and again. in a fucking place of work. i know it's food service but Please. have some basic fucking professionalism. #i dont know how im supposed to get through this shift. im so fucking angry at it all. #the anger and frustration has been cycling faster and faster in my heart and i want to Hurt Things but there's nothing im allowed to hurt #so what am i to do? how do i get rid of this feeling? i know what ive done in the past but im not allowed to do that now #with nothing to do im just blasting this fucking song. maybe if i play it loud enough it'll fix me.

[morewyckedthanyou]

i barely slept at all last night because i was going through possible open jobs that i could apply for and then today i have just been writing and sending out several different applications to several completely different places and now i'm exhausted 😩

#also if any of those places now call me back... #i will be all ?!?!?! because yeah i applied to so many places and now can't even remember which place required what #that is always a problem #like i'm not lying in any of my applications that's not it #but depending on what the place is looking for of course i'm gonna highlight those skills while slightly downplaying the not relevant ones #and when you already have two different degrees like i have #and also other specific skills #i can't fucking remember what exactly i wrote in what application and shit #aaaanyways there are two - wait actually three - places that i would really like to get in touch with me #one is the best location wise and it best matches my latest degree - however it's only a temporary job #one is something completely different i've ever done and also the farthest away but sounds really fun and interesting #and one would be mostly customer service related but it'd be in a place that i just think would be really cool to have as a workplace #so idk #i also applied to several other places but those were just kinda... meh #but wish me luck #personal

[six-of-ravens]

okay so, it's already August and I realized I have to book my fall vacation if I want to have one. original plan was to triangulate the exact time in which I can cause maximum pain to my coworkers, but no one will tell me when that is and my psychic powers are failing :/

Sooooo I've triangulated the best time to take off as the 10th - 18th of October. There's Canadian Thanksgiving on the 9th (planning your vacation around stats so you get bonus days off is Primo Adulting), and I'd also have my mom's birthday off so we could do something fun. And I think that'll be the sweet spot where we usually have our very short fall, so it'll be chilly enough to do lots of cooking and baking but not so chilly/such bad weather that I can't go for a hike/drive. (If it's one of the years where we have an extremely late summer or early winter I will just. Die. Especially if it insists on being 20+ C). I could also take the 3rd/half of the last week of October off, which might be more ideal weather-wise and spooky-enjoyment-wise, but I'd get one less day bc there's no stat to align my time off with.

Anyway sorry this post has no purpose other than I'm scared to book my vacation bc I don't want to use up my vacation days 😭 but also I really want to book it so I have something to look forward to...

#i also kinda wanted Halloween off but i realized it falls on a work from home day anyway #so i can still make slow cooker chilli or whatever and watch horror movies and be chill #also i won't have a week off during nanowrimo but. i haven't won nano since 2020 anyway and I don't think 'not enough writing time' is the #problem anymore. more like 'not enough motivation' or 'not enough ideas' lmao #anyway aaaaggghhhh decisions decisions #why can't i be like my aunt and get like 2 full months of vacation time. i need to be an independent contractor for the govt #(part of the reason she gets so much time is just A Good Job but also she's non-union but there IS a union in her workplace so... #... they got really good raises for their employees. but rhe govt funding didn't stretch to raises for non-union employees... #so the compromise was non-union employees get a ridiculous amount of vacation/personal days #anyway in conclusion a) bookin vacation time hard and b) unions are good for everyone actually

[xamaxenta]

Suddenly feeling incredibly dysphoric in this chilis tonight

#and like im faking this shit #as usual #i fucking hate gender lmao #i have so little love for physical gender #and outward identity #i just want everyone who ever encounters me to just say it or they or them or that person #at this point im so digusted i dunno if i even want masc pronouns anymore #🙃🙃🙃 when will my suffering end #whenever i die unfulfilled i guess. authentic self what the fuck is that? #the possibility to do anything for myself is extremely low. all the people in this country who are trans cant even get a good job #all the workplaces be like we dont discriminate!!!! yeah you do actually #i hate being closeted i hate existing like this. #i hate feeling like im lying to myself or something. #i hate the concept that if i try to help myself i wont be taken seriously #idk maybe im bitter the psych who was supposed to help me just dropped me and left the country and said theyre not doing online and gave #me no other contact to further whatever this shit is #also im poor so i cant afford insurance that could possibly even begin to cover any of my problems #negative sims symbol lol #➖➖🧍 #is it bad that i more or less think about dying every day????? #its bad right #i dont have suicidal ideation #i just think about it. #idk. i dk idk idkc how to continue fucking living like this

[hauntedpearl]

.

#hated'''''''' #having a i think ive pissed off all my friends and my online community day #which is rooted in absolute illogical bullshit it means nothing it us not REAL #but having a day all the same #maybe i do have a thyroid problem like it would explain having extrene mood problens like this #SIGH #ANYWAY. #IM SAD WHY DO I GET SAD LIKE THST LIKE THERE'S NO REASON YK IM SO MUHC BETTER OFF #objectively #than i was last year #and even if im '''''''''''''''' it's like. it's not a big deal bc there are some people who would never ykwim? #and like life is stupid #YOU JUST KEEP LIVING IT'S SO STUPID #maybe i need a vacation #i wanna go to goa but i dont have anyone to go with rn bc i wanna like do a staycation and most workplaces have opened back up :+( #ANYWAYZ #don't mind me im just. ventung #bc ive cried like four times today and it's so weird like bc i was so happy last night lmao