#and i wish i wasnt ashamed of my interests

[steviecrowdude]

This is something more personal to me, so people can reblog it but like, keep in mind that this is soemthing im being vulnerable about, but i really wish, that it wasnt expected of me as someone who is asexual, that i would be fine with being around sex.

Now do not get me wrong here, i am all about being allowed to express yourself and be open about your sex life and explore and be happy. I think that that is a wonderful thing. I dont think that stigmas around sex are a good thing.

That being said, i need people to understand and be fine with sex repulsed aces who do not want sex to be apart of their life.

Lets take me for example, i am perfectly fine hearing people express joy in finding someone attractive, or wearing kink stuff, or just like, being open about that, im fine being around that, but im also not in any way comfortable with like "bringing water bottles to an orgy" or whatever.

Im not comfortable around sex. It makes me anxious. When it comes into my personal bubble i feel like boundaries are being crossed.

That does not mean i think sex is bad, something to be ashamed of, something to hide, it just means i do not want to interact with it.

I just want, to see a balance, of aces who are able to express themselves and be interested in sex and kink, and of aces like me, who do not want to interact with sex at all.

I guess i just wanted to put this out there because im tired of feeling like im the worst for not wanting to read smut, or feeling like shit for being uncomfortable when comforts i connect to are made sexual.

I am open for people to talk about this though, maybe i have some underlying issues with sex that make me like this, but i genuinely dont think that people should be shamed or demonized for not wanting something in their life.

Edit: when i say all this, also keep in mind that its complex as well, when i say i dont like sex in my bubble, i dont mean that as an overall thing, like, an example i can think of where it didnt bother me as much was Castlevania, and that was because it drove the plot and i hadnt projected onto those characters. (This is also where i mean that its personal to me and may just be a me thing)

#sex repulsed #asexuality #ace awareness #would this count as discussing acephobia #idk ill tag it as that anyway #acephobia #aphobia #stevie venting

[mihai-florescu]

When you said that Under the Icicle can be from little John pov it made me remember about a japanese light novel called "I am a cat".

I actually have read it 5yrs ago on a french textbook but I still remember that it was about a cat pov on his owner and the place were they live. So I think it's gonna be interesting if Under the Icicle is also like that.

The Soseki Natsume book wait i know it! Im really trying not to get any expectations before its release just so i dont get disappointed, but how fun would a little john pov story be pleeease akira i know you have it in you. And isnt the point of the lightnovels to give information in a way the game wouldnt have been able to...little john's perspective of the war and knights in general along the years would be soooo good. My other wish if not that it's for a Leo pov lightnovel...what even are the othwr options. Izumi? He's had one already.

I dont even know exactly what to expect from the title alone, other than the imagery that you can see the end coming, as the icicle melts and will eventually break and fall. But at the same time, the melting of the icicle can indicate the end of winter, arrival of spring, of new beginnings.

Or it could go back to ice, lack of warmth, going back to the strained conditions where izumi and leo were causing more and more people to resent them. It does say Under the icicle afterall, which is a precarious position to be in that you want to get out of before it falls and injures you. I dont know im just going through ideas ive considered but am not satisfied with any of them yet. For blackbird it wasnt hard to guess it'll focus on wataru based on the name alone, and for backdoor im ashamed to say i didnt really give much thought beforehand, but looking back it makes sense to be koga. Under the icicle, however...im sure theres something im missing

#ask #anon

[sanestparadisecitizen]

I NEED UR P1 HCS…..AND… ur edit of him holding the cat plush makes me wanna ask..do u think he has any certain comfort items ?! I’m a ‘he has a plush with him in his backpack when he’s in public’ believer

hehe tysm for asking!!! now i have an excuse to talk abt him >:3

its the most basic knowledge imo, that hes the autism. i refuse to believe otherwise. anddd i may be projecting a bit but ocd along with psychosis ofc (an awful combination tbh)

MEOWING VOCAL STIM!! IM RIGHT. lets absolutely dump my behaviors on him rn, stims also by fidgeting with his fingers, his coat sleeves (they are. a bit too long. for that purpose). and swaying back and forth.

and maybe nail biting. but he paints them black to prevent himself from doing that.

but he is very ashamed of any behavior that comes with being autistic. sadly

and the whole thing with the demon... i have my own thoughts abt it, mostly based on a real life situation. but exaggerated,my bestie would never kill the whole city...

here it goes: so, all these violent homicidal thoughts and tendencies come from dude himself. but he doesn't wanna acknowledge that, pushing away that part of himself. and thats where the psychosis comes in, showing it as a kind of separate entity, the "demon". it can generally be really nice! makes him feel better about himself, motivates him (to murder people :3). a weird kinda hallucination thingy.

(i hope its understandable lol)

man definetly tried to excuse himself in the mental asylum that "it wasnt me, it was the demon!!!" digging his grave even deeper. sorry dude, not everyone has an imaginary friend...

his special interest would be guns, i think

i think he would be more of a cat person (or a cat-person... meow)

that kind of person to overthink every possible situation so he can plan how to act

definetly has a map of the city marked with the safest and most dangerous routes, so he knows how to move around it. paranoid mf.

not immune to the dude personal hygiene pattern. he's gross!! (i love him either way)

definetly takes drugs too, but he's more of a weed / benzo person. anything that makes him more chill (tho weed may not be as good for it)

pyromaniac. i bet his favorite way of killing is with a flamethrower.

those glasses are perscribed. he cant see shit without them

man undeniably has a shitton of trauma. you dont go postal just for shit and giggles (maybe a bit of religious trauma too)

he tries to be nice to people but he's tall, weird and scary looking. so people dont want to interact with him :(

and thats actually canon but i have to include it. its 100% real that im his boygirlfriend, lover or whatevr i'll call it. we are so incredibly in love its unreal!!!

and about the comfort item ... you're right. i did the edit as a joke, but he definetly needs a cat plushie, or a tiger plushie. maybe not that big, but he does. i wish i could make him one!!!

also i think the trenchcoat could be a comfort item!!

#huh. not as long as i thought. #i have lots more but theyre purely for my imaginative selfship universe #so maybeeee not #or maybe another time #|| #asks #headcannons

[abimee]

theres always a part of me that has shame in myself because i have a lot of people who supported me and rooted for me back in the day of like my undertale stuff and i feel like in the pivot to 3 goddamn years of 14 content i. not like let them down or that i owe them something but just sort of feel as if i have nothing to offer them anymore after they spent so long giving me endless support and love and i feel bad for like. hm. [knits fingers together] this isnt a guilt trippy post dont take it as one. but i guess i just feel as if i got a lot of support because i was drawing media that my followers liked and not because they just enjoyed my art, so when i switched interests that support waned because i just wasnt drawing the show/book/movie/game they were into. and this isnt like a ''woah is me people only like me for FANART!!" way but in a ''i feel bad because people really put their time into sending me asks and messages and hyping up my art and now i have nothing to give back to them.'' like every time i get really into na groove of 14 art i think about how my major audience just isnt here for that and i feel as if im failing them because they got me to where i am now and i dont even have anything to give back for that support. all of my audience blew up when i switched and i just feel embarassed and sometimes ashamed for how into 14 i am because i feel like i owe a great debt to everyone who was very kind to me when i was a depressed teenager making utdr content and that i never paid them back for that. this isnt a guilt trip this is me saying i wish i could something to make it up to everyone whos been a supporter of my art but i feel like i have nothing to offer and im sad i dont HAVE anything to offer

#all of the art and kind messages and tags and i just cant make up for it #insane thought

[fictionkinfessions]

People reacting to my scars was always interesting.

Not the one on my face, people were pretty normal abt that one (and it had faded quite a bit over the years anyway so it was easy to miss after awhile)

But the burn scars from Abyss mages. From the time I got my vision. They were all over my arms. Was kinda hard to not react to them.

I was prone to long sleeves just because they were comfortable, but alot of people thought I was ashamed of my scars or something. Honestly I wasnt, I didn't mind them. Though covering my arms did help quell weird/concerned looks from strangers.

But. Here's how some people felt about/reacted to them them from my memory.

Mom was proud of them to an extent, but also seemed to have some guilt. She felt bad I was scarred obviously, but she always saw them as representation for the day I saved her life and got a vision for it. There was some back-tones of wishing she could have protected me properly that day. But well we both had mixed feelings about the day overall.

Klee and Alice was all guilt. They both blamed themselves for me having them. Since I was trying to find Klee at the time the Mages jumped me, and Alice had left Klee in Lisa's care for the weekend knowing she'd come back to me with a Vision, but didnt know what I'd have to go through to get it. I never held it against either of them. Klee was like. 6/7 at the time, I'm just glad the mages didnt even try to go near her. And Alice's premonition was perposefully obfuscated from her to be the catalyst for my growth as a person. Thats not her fault, and she always wished she didnt leave Mond entirely that weekend. Though admitedly I was mad at Alice about it for a bit. But I was 10/11 when it happened. Of course I blamed the wrong person.

Bennett always painted it as us "matching" since he had so many scars from his adventures across his arms. I obviously had more at the beginning, but every time Bennett got a new scar on one of his arms he'd try to look over mine just to point out that he "now has an equivalent". It was funny, and he's honestly part of why I was so neutral about my scars after a few years.

Collei was really shocked by them. I had never shown my bare arms to her when we first met, so she didnt learn they even existed for 2-3 years (Mostly because of the region seperation). When she first saw them she thought something had happened after she left (Since my other scar happened while she was in mond). I gave a brief summary of how I got them. She looked so worried. Asked if they'd ever fade (They wouldnt, abyss magic is weird. They almost always looked freshly healed), if I wanted them to-(At that point I didnt really care) She asked a lot of questions and I answered them best I could. I adored her curiosity about everything.

Tighnari tried to ignore them for the most part. He tried really hard to not show his shock and worry when he first saw them one morning. We were in a bit too much of a rush for him to ask about or acknowledge them at the time. Later down the line he asked if they were ever treated properly due to the apperance. I told him I was pretty sure, but they're from abyss mages so it's hard to tell. He nodded, understood what I ment pretty well. He offered to help treat them should I ever need it for any reason. I appreciated it. He wasn't always great at showing he cared, so offering his medical expertice was like the closest he could get to it. It was nice, one of the first times I really felt fully accepted in Gandharva Ville, as a Forest Ranger, and as a friend of Tighnari's. He never acknowledged them again though, sounds like him to be honest pfft.

I don't remember anyone else's reactions right now. But I can probably guess how some would react. (Diluc and Cyno protectiveness Im 100% confident in that guess)

I hope to remember more. Maybe I'll get some more mems when I get around to drawing them out.

~Razor Minci 🕯♟(Please leave last name out of tags thank you)

P.S. Man I really cant stop submitting massive walls of text in this ask box huh- I know mpc typically likes all the text but I am so sorry to the followers, these gotta get annoying to scroll through xD

=

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #razorkin #genshinimpactkin #scars cw #face trauma cw #burns cw #injuries cw #arm trauma cw #mod party cat

[self-h-rmageddon]

i know i just said im not ashamed but im SO ASHAMED you have no idea. over what? it

i have this weird mindset where like. if someone gets to know me for one particular things, whether it be a specific fandom or even just DRAWING HUMANS, i feel like i can never ever share my other interests with them cuz.. what if they dont care? i wouldnt blame them i cant make anyone give a shit about what i do but. ITS TERRIFYING TO ME.. so i just avoid it but. its leaving me very.. unfulfilled? like HORRIBLY, ive set aside a lot of my other interests because im . i dont care what strangers think, fuck you suck my dick but. people i know? people im close with? i know why i do it, hes right it feels like a test and tests can go wrong!!!! what if i test the waters and its not received positively? i cant bear the thought of any part of me being unappealing to my loved ones, genuinely it keeps me up at night fearing that some small thing might just switch it all off overnight its the worst thing ever.

i know its not healthy to just... shove myself into this little box but in my head, thats why they want! in my head its a good thing, i need to keep myself presentable and perfect, as perfect as someone like me can get anyways

maybe thats why i feel like i dont exist without them? ive literally pushed away anything i think they WONT like or even wont care about, ive just.. dropped it all. fear, it just comes from fear, but whew!!!!! exhausting

im not proud of this, i wish that changing myself to fit what i THINK someone wants wouldnt come so naturally to me but it does, i wish my brain worked differently

i just. i need to LOOK OUT for myself. the worst pain i can experience is rejection, its amplified 10000% it feels like. i know ive said before id rather relive all my trauma than feel rejected at all, and thats still TRUE i cant handle it.. as unfortunate as it is, bpd just makes me sensitive. theres like no other way to word it, i am SENSITIVE my skin is fragile its made of glass, i cant take criticism even if its GOOD because it hurts me to think that something i did wasnt good enough, it makes me sick actually!! i need to protect myself, i need to hide the parts of me that could be damaged like that but.. hiding parts of yrself doesnt feel good, does it? im scared of that pain, i dont want to face it.. but it doesnt feel nice to lose myself cuz i think its what someone would want

in my head this is how it goes, i do something, its received poorly (rejected), ouch!!! first of all. second of all, rejection cracks my image, it opens me up to the possibility of being left behind. bpd is all about black and white thinking. the good is the best and the bad is the WORST. it feels shameful to admit how my brain works but it . its true, its the truth. if someone doesnt like something about me, even if its SMALL and they dont actually care, in my head it means they basically dont like me, they must hate me! they must hate me and theyre probably gonna leave me since theyre so disgusted with me for.. what? being a furry? yes!!!!!!!!!! it goes from 0-100 so fast, its scary

but.. i really DONT feel like i exist without them. if im not talking with them about our things, im working on my things they know and like alright im never really doing anything else anymore.. like. why am i so ashamed to just... be a human with interests? im scared, scared the smallest thing will just... take it all away from me, yknow? as much as id LOVE to ramble about my ocs and stuff that ive never really talked about, that shame persists. its too strong, i end up just deleting the post or hiding it in drafts, i cant bring myself to share because im scared

i know its really dumb but. its what we're working with rn!!!! mild disinterest = rejection = abandonment, what a vicious cycle!!! i get it now guys omg.... all the bpd girlies who mirror, i know i mirror too but i never really like. GOT IT until now, i mirror cuz im afraid to be something they wont like!!!! it is all so clear to me now. doesnt make it better but whatever. maybe ill be brave one day, but idk

[futurefind]

//dear god i hate anxiety in general but esp the positive feedback loop of 'no talk me anxious' -> extra anxious bc no Talking -> no talk me anxious-- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

(vent/neg below the cut :'))) aaaaaaaa)

nothing quite like missing my og tumblr career yeah bc more active rpc but also being able to be shameless and confident!!! bc i didnt have extreme trauma from ppl playing polite to my face and then HAVING to have shit talked me behind my back to organize an en masse blocking And Then give give me a reason you suck speech 'bc you asked for honesty (while having a breakdown on main) that!! explicitly blamed the new trauma thatd ACTIVELY fuck with me for a year on before i could even start to get better abt it!! being too excited!! and not being able to 'tell' that ppl wanted me to stfu/was 'pushing' shit and that ppl were lying to me abt interest!! AND that i was shitty and 'guilt tripping' by saying i felt unwanted/unwelcomed (when i WAS lmfao)!!!! and my first ever 'friend' group/social setting no less!!! on top of making me feel like shit for my Already shitty mh!!

i miss having the spoons and shamelessly to just Initiate and jump into ppls inboxes more!! :'))) i miss when we were ALL younguns w relative spoons and just Time for our blorbo sandbox hobby!!

and!! (esp wrt hellbrain/anxiety bs!! im not blaming anyone for anything at all but!! AAAAAAAAAA) having always always always felt like a Z Team chaser :'))) where if i'm not actively shoving myself in everyones face theyll just ignore me and feel i dont even exist until i myself remind them. and i Know!! its not personal!! and that everyone has their own lives and social circles but!!! i rlly wish i wasnt batting a like max 2% hit rate at Actually making friends to begin with least of all keeping them LEAST OF ALL getting to be a Part of their lives/social circles rather than just a passerby :')))

to say nothing of the hell that is having no irls and wanting to MAKE some....... post 2020. when theres like no third spaces anywhere. or rec centers. or just fucking School Clubs for adults. to say nothing of being unable to even try for Most of that time since then bc too ashamed to bc spent most of that time unemployed :'))) and think ur boring awkward etc etc :')))

to say nothing of pms + having a horrific fight w my bro sunday night just before moms birthday bc 'no one cares abt him/his feelings' and 'everyones gaslighting him' and 'what about HIS feelings'.......... when i all of tried to explain how/why he hurt My feelings like fucking great job dude way to fucking communicate like an adult and not use ur rsd/anxiety/mh as an excuse to bully ppl into shutting up. yeah its bad to tear down ppl and hurt their feelings but only if sb Otehr than you is doing it great talk way to validate me not feeling safe around you and refusing to indulge in you trying to bully/shittalk me into talking to you w passive aggression instead of just Trying To Talk Normally

just!! screams!!!!!!! wish i didnt have to feel cuz its all shit all the way down and!!!!! screams.

#tbd // #vent // #to say nothing of how inaccessible / wild goose chasing mh help is :skull: #i asked doc for a Referral. she said shed send me a dr list directly. i ask her abt it. mssg manager tells me i need to look it up myself #i find a list of drs in my hospital. find my top candidate w e visits AND a 'make an appointment! :)' button. fill out that form #and 3 days later: 'lol lmao yeah u cant do that <33 u need to call <333' #lays on the floor. #smth smth the woes of zillenial coming of age in the now times #intersected with 'had no friends in school ever esp not meaningful ones usually their 'project'' bs

[muzdiir]

i wish i had had friends who were into the same manga genres (or at least not openly antagonistic of them?) i was into when i was younger bc i think i wouldn't be as ashamed of what i like now.

like the real reason why i try to tag all my one piece stuff is bc i'm convinced that everyone hates it so i'm just trying to idk appease the masses?? by keeping it to myself?

(this is what happened when i was into naruto. i knew of only 1 other person irl who liked it. everyone else treated it with disdain. this is why, for the longest time, i actively tried to force myself to dislike anime/manga, bc i was worried that my friends/peers would belittle me for what i liked lol)

like. even tho i havent spoken to any of these ppl in YEARS, im still worried that someone will come out of the woodwork to tell me the things i like are bad, actually, and i shouldnt enjoy them. almost everything i ever got rly into was always scoffed at or blatantly ignored by ex best friend*? so i just assumed that it wasnt good & i was just super weird & cringy for liking it.

i mean, ive always felt ashamed for my various interests bc of how intensely i like them. like, even when i was little, i used to get teased for my obsession w horses (by family!!!! lmao!!!!!!). my mother loved (still does) to make fun of my dad for his interests & whenever he tries to share said interests. ive learned to keep my stuff to myself for fear of ridicule.

im at a rambling point so im gonna stop but. i feel i needed to vent about unnecessary shame & how one piece has dredged up all my memories lol

*ex best friend was, for a very long time, my only friend, & therefore her opinion mattered way more to me than it ever should have. i am still recovering from this (if u couldnt tell lol)

#im ranting sry #im thinking too much about the shame that comes with Liking A Thing lmao #personal

[ques-e]

sometimes i remember that some people have really strong negative opinions about things that i enjoy and make me happy and i feel myself retreat into myself a little more.

#ope #ok now these are genuine sadposts #i should go to sleep #sbh #casey.doc #but yeah #this is on me loving tøp and homestuck and steven universe #theres just this sort of unspoken dislike towards people liking those things #and it makes me shut down #i just. i just like the things i like #and i wish i wasnt ashamed of my interests #but i am #casey rambles in the tags #actually casey just rambles in general

[megatraven]

it’s slow going, but every day i learn to love myself a little more, and every day it’s easier to be unashamedly me 

#meg speaks #do not expand tags if ur not prepared for a wall of them #idk i was htinking today like #i am lowkey Always singing at work under my breath and i noticed today i was a tiny bit louder than normal #but even when someone noticed and said something i wasnt embarrassed or ashamed #it jsut made me smile and i kept going #and today my coworker said that she was prepared to be angry all day but that i'd made her day by cracking a few jokes/letting her vent #which made me happy because i was just being Myself i wasnt trying to do anything in particular really #and ive been riding in the car with my windows down bc i dont have AC and i sing from the top of my lungs thw whole 20 mintue drive #to and from work #i look at myself in the mirror and i dont look away #and i dont look at every little imperfection and wish that no one had to look at me #and i like my hair even when it frizzes all up or sticks out awkwardly #my nails are long and far from perfect and people have been commenting on them a lot recently but i am perfectly okay with them and #its just #it doesnt..... it doesnt feel weird anymore. to like the way that i look or how i act #im not worried about my clothes or pikachu hat looking childish because of what cartoon or tv show theyre depicting #im not afraid to talk about my interests anymore #i don't shy away so much when someone catches me drawing- i dont hide the art away the moment someone approaches so they wont see it #i admit i still have a long way to go but its the small things. u know? im getting there. #the future isn't so scary anymore. #this was a lot of tags my bad but ive just been Thinking and i had to get it out vuv

[apeshit]

i wish i could talk about my childhood experience with “masking” because although im not positive if i have autism i feel like i definitely masked in one way or another based on what the word means - but like - i feel like i Overmasked. and i bet thats a really real thing. it cant be unique. i was so ashamed of my outbursts and unawareness and judgement from others that i completely shut myself down in most environments especially in front of any of my family or any peers that i wasnt already close with and knew had my same interests- i would ignore everyone and be as emotionless as possible and my own family didnt even know who i was or anything i liked for such a long time, and i still struggle with it

#canto i #like just acting as dimensionless and robotic as possible to avoid this shame because i was so so #ashamed of existing

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Bucky Barnes’ adoptive child

Bucky Barnes x child!reader

warnings: knife

a/n:

prompt: @multifandomlover121: “i adored your natasha romanoff’s child headcanons! could you do one with bucky barnes and him adopting a child? thank you!!”

bucky saw someone in need and wanted to help them

that someone was you

he would have wanted someone to do the same for him

“are you okay, kid?”

“i’m fine...”

“are you sure?”

“...no”

you kinda started crying and ran off

but that wasnt the last time he had seen you

the more he’d run into you, the more he’d check on you, offer you food/water/shelter

“i really don’t mind, it’s the least i could do”

“are you sure?”

“i am”

you began to trust bucky more as time went on, he really was helpinh you out of the kindness of his heart

and buck became more protective of you, of course

soon enough he saw you as his child and you saw him as your father, neither of you had had a bond like that before

“i’m going to the market, do you want anything?”

“uh, peaches?”

“got it, be back in a while, don’t answer the door for anyone”

“got it, pa”

that was the first time you called him “pa” and he shut the door behind him and stood there in SHOCK he was so ???!!!!

you asked him about his life, and at first he didn’t want to tell you much

“pleaseee? it all seems so interesting”

“well, i don’t remember it much. and everything i do remember isn’t very great”

“is that why you’re lying low?”

“yeah...that’s one of them”

“can you tell my how you got your metal arm?”

you tried not to pry but you were disappointed that he wouldn’t open up to you

he knew just about everything about the short past you had, all the highs and lows of your messy childhood before he met you

bucky lived in a one bedroom apartment, so he gave you the bedroom and slept on the couch

honestly you guys led your lives mainly inside the apartment just to stay safe

and filling the day was a bit difficult, but you managed

“can i watch tv?”

“after the news”

“you said that twenty minutes ago”

“well, it’s not over yet. just watch it with me”

“can i pleaaaase watch tv?”

that “pleaaaase” always makes him cave

you two also baked together! it calms his nerves

especially when he can smell cookies/brownies/cake/etc baking in the oven, it’s his favorite

“are you sure we’re making these right, y/n?”

“no, i am not.”

helping him clean his arm sometimes

he couldn’t get in the crevices

one day you were watching tv and it said that bucky was wanted for a bombing, which couldnt be true because that was in vienna and you were far from there

“so that’s what you didn’t want to tell me? you’re a...”

“a terrorist? an assassin? an 100 year old man? i...i wish i wasn’t, but i had no choice. i can’t remember everything that happened to me, but i don’t want to. this new life is good for me and you. and i promise i would never do anything to hurt you”

“i know, pa, i trust you more than anyone else on earth. but...what does this mean for us now? the whole world is looking for you”

“nothing, they wont find us here. i’m going to the market for plums, though. keep the door and windows locked”

“yes sir”

“love you, kid”

“love you, pa”

and the next thing you know the door has been opened and you do not know what to do so you hide because that’s the plan you and bucky came up with just in case and next thing you know there’s sounds of fighting, things breaking, yelling

it’s time to come out

“pa? pa, where are you?”

“y/n, get down!”

“bucky, who is that?” -cap

“my kid”

steve immediately: ????¿???

ur WHAT

anywhooo you ended up running with them and not able to keep up bc they were kinda enhanced 100 year old men and you were baby

so the falcon, the REAL DEAL MAN RIGHT THERE had to give you a helping hand

“you doing alright, kid?”

“to be honest, i’ve never flown before”

✨getting arrested with pa and the crew✨

you sat next to steve rogers

“so, you’re bucky’s...child?”

“he took me in a while ago, we were both in a dark place”

“has he told you about his past?”

“i ask but he cant remember most of it, and what he does remember, he’s too ashamed to say. he just recently told me he used to be an assassin...and he’s and eldery man”

“hey, whatever happens to buck—your dad, i just want to let you know that i’ll be here for you, okay? he was my best friend growing up, i owe it to him”

it’s a feat to be a minor caught by the CIA but look at you go

you had to explain how you and bucky became family, which they were not buying even though every word was true

releasing you to steve bc he had some pull

oh yeah bucky kinda sorta went feral and you insisted you’d be able to calm him down but it doesn’t exactly work that way

“pa! i’m right here, it’s me! please, stop it!”

“y/n, you need to get out of here, it’s not safe!”

“i can’t leave him like this!”

escaping the CIA and waiting for your dad to wake up, this is where he regained his full memory

once he was free of the debris, he gave you a big hug and apologized with tears in his eyes (why the fuck am i rhyming)

“i’m sorry if i scared you, dragă”

“i couldn’t ever be scared of you”

steve was so happy that bucky was happy dhshshshhshs

being pushed in the backseat with pa

sharing your granola bar

since bucky remembered some good thinsg about his past, he thought it may be time to share!

“yeah, so me and steve were best friends, right? steve always picked fights with every bully he met, despite being less than half the weight he is now. i always had to swoop in and save the day”

“i can’t believe you were born in 1917. my father is a world war two veteran”

“how impressive” -sam, also a war vet

honestly they didn’t expect THAT much resistance at the airport but everyone knew you were off limits

excellent spiderman who webbed your hand to a car

luckily, your dad had taught you a thing or two and you got to hacking through these webs with your pocket knife

it took forever

but you finally escaped with your dad and who you’d soon call ‘uncle steve’

black widow nearly stopped you, you were very afraid :)

bucky made u stay in the jet “for your own safety”

“we don’t know what to expect in there, y/n. the last thing i want for you is to get hurt. i should have never dragged you into this”

steve casually talking to bucky about you being unofficially adopted by him

“so, you’re a dad?”

“that i am”

“what’s it like?”

“it’s like...finding a reason to get up every day. and a decent amount of compromise”

“sounds exciting”

“you have no idea”

finally being retrieved from the jet to see your dad with one arm

trippin out

but he told you it was alright

t’challa, new king of wakanda who was trying to end bucky’s life just a few hours ago had apologized and offered you sanctuary in his country

he SPECIFICALLY apologized to you, saying that it was unfair to you by trying to hurt your father because the pain of losing one is unbearable in his eyes

getting some much needed peace (not really bc you wanted to train with wakandan warriors)

and it paid off since you all had to fight off a hoard of aliens

“you think you can handle this, y/n?”

“oh yeah”

you definitely could not handle your dad turning to dust :)

:))))))

“y/n? steve?”

no nope no

steve had to take care of you on bucky’s five year hiatus from life (oh my god im sorry)

not a day went by that you didn’t think of him

it kinda sucked bc you didn’t have any pictures together or anything, only pictures from the 1940’s that steve pulled out every once in a while

“doing okay, y/n?”

“not really”

“do you want to come and watch a movie with me or something? im still not completely caught up on everything i missed”

after five years, there was a breakthrough and it was finally time to get your dad back

but he probably wouldn’t recognize you...you’ll find out soon enough

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedgiant // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisbisexual // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm // @ofthedewthesunlight //

#bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x child!reader #winter soldier x reader #winter soldier #winter soldier imagine #marvel #marvel x reader #marvel imagine #avengers #avengers imagine #avengers x reader

[somdachuvadenoite]

please svsss fans dont kill me okay i-

i finished reading the svsss novel bc i started watching the animation and was like hey this has an interesting concept! And a weird humor, which I enjoy so maybe i should read the novel, plus i really enjoyed mdzs so only good things and good thoughts. But i- i kinda hated it hahrbahshau

spoilers will be here from now on ok?

i was enjoying the book and stuff and i really liked the weird dynamic between sqq and the luo binghe and yeah its cool and then he died (for the first time) and i was like hell yea that was cool, kinda weird paced and kinda stupid (bc he got out of the prison then walked like 3 steps and got caught? ok sure) but cool, and then he came back being super strong and i was like hell yeah!!!! the main is not a wimpy boy lets gooo and then the whole "i was sleeping holding your corpse for five years " thing happened and the forceful stuff and the possessiveness and i was like okay maybe this demon dude is kinda toxic but ok its fine, and then the whole tomb arc went down and i was like BOY YESSSS cool traps, weird new characters, strong sqq using his stupid brain and luo being asleep for the whole thing kinda was a blessing bc i just dont get his character honestly he needs therapy and needs to stop being so jealous its weird. Anyways i think the pacing of the book was kinda off, scenes that should've lasted one second went on and on and scenes and actions that could've had repercussions that could bring a new and interest mood in the narrative, didnt. For example the whole thing with the plant growing out of sqq arm couldve been so cool but it was just a fun set up so that weird snake boy could be with the main dude with his shirt off while bitch boy was being jelly like Wow so crazy!!!! and the whole punishment thing with evil bitch boy was so dope i wish it brought some tense moments between sqq and luo B, like maybe at some point when sqq was waking up and he sees demon boy and he has this weird panic attack bc he actually remembers the feeling of having his fuckingggg arm being RIPPED out of his body by the same face that he wants to protect and kiss!!!! couldve been so interesting!!!!! but nah lets pretend it didnt happen and move on :) anyways, it just had so many cool concepts that got thrown out the window and hoooo boyzi dont get me started about the fucking eNDINGGGGG omg god fucking damn it!!!! are u serious, sqq being rapped, that's the fucking solution???????? it was so hard to read honestly, the whole thing was really brutal and i think the author was like hey isnt this true love he let himself get fucked on top of some stones and got incredebly fucked up and actually died without having a meaningful conversation with the man he (i guess now) loves , isnt this so selfless of him, truly not a scum villain huh?! im sorry but you cant justify this fucking ending to me, its so dumb PLUS its literally the same shit that happened the first time sqq died so , there wasnt even a plot twist argggggggg i was so disappointed honestly. The fucking airplane extra was better than the entire fucking book, sqh is so raw and not ashamed of being a bitch and i love that for him, get your fucking hot ice demon my man. the line "Call me Dad now" aaaa i cant its so good but yea anyways hahahahah i was debating if i should read heavens official blessing bc im just so disappointed with svsss that i dont wanna go through something like this again. Is it worth it ? please let me know if anyone even read through everything byeeee

#svsss #rant #heavens official blessing #sqq #svsss spoilers

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket Manga Review (ch 90-91)

Since I discussed the first few pages of ch-90 that contains kyo & tohru in my previous preview, this one will only be kyoko’s story.

Kyoko’s story brilliantly explores the effects of unhealthy domestic environment on children without the use of the zodiac curse as a metaphor for abuse. My first-reaction of kyoko’s story is the following:

I really enjoyed how kyoko’s descend into darkness was explored & how the psychologically-informed writing of her behavior was depicted.

I was troubled by how Katsuya was presented as the magical solution to all her problems. Kyoko was saved by romantic love in a more basic writing than machi. Both girls just needed a guy to listen to them vent abt their family issues once & tada~ they’re in love.

Kyoko’s story made me realize that Arisa is just a more modern & healthier kyoko.. The only difference is that Kureno didn’t save Arisa. She herself changed gradually due to kyoko & tohru’s influence.

1) Kyoko’s descend into Darkness:

Kyokyo told kyo that she was already “out of control delinquent before she got to middle school”, “ fell into the wrong crowd”, “ enjoyed beating innocent ppl”. subtly citing the influence of “delinquent peers” & the innate desire be noticed at home. I’m bad, notice me! love me, listen to me!

There are some elements in her story that faintly reminds me of yuki & strongly reminds me of kyo:

Kyoko’s parents gave her a treatment similar to “ yuki’s parents”: cold, neglect & devoid of love. Her dad, similar to kyo’s dad, felt ashamed & disgraced by her.

Kyoko similarly to kyo was angry, full of self-loath & self-destruction. However, kyo was never violent like she was. I believe kyo’d have turned like her if he didn’t have Kazuma to discipline him with love, care & attention. Hence, we saw kyo carry on a code of “ not beating girls, or ppl who aren’t hurting them, or don’t know martial arts”, like Arisa or the student council guy whop loves yuki.

Kyoko’s mom similarly of kyo’s mom talked abt the dad venting his anger on her after being pissed off with kyoko. So, a hint of domestic violence between husband & wife.

Kyoko described herself as “ made of shattered glass”. Tohru once said both kyo & yuki are very sensitive. yuki blocks the world behind the prince mask & kyo puts on the annoyed attitude to push ppl away from hurting him.

Society thinks that “delinquent/bad ppl” are always happy with what they’ve become. Satisfied with their destructive choices. When in most of the times... they’re as bewildered & confused as the community around them..

I really don’t blame the teachers for being defensive. Teachers aren’t supposed to be “life-coaches” or “saviors of students”. That’s sth the educators with their research gush abt & what society demands & what families wish for. The fixer-teacher!!!! Teachers are ppl teaching a subject, doing a specific job, underpaid & overworked most of the times, also, they come from various backgrounds, beliefs, & sometimes even if they meant good & wanted to “ save” a student, they aren’t equipped with the suitable psychological training. Yeah, there are ppl for that in schools, but so many students with lots of issues. Also, let’s be real, we love kyoko cuz she’s the “epic mother of tohru, we grew on her teachings thro out 3 seasons” but if you meet a loud, delinquent, gangster head, violent chair throwing student who rarely comes anyway, would you wanna deal with them?

2- Katsuya “ the magical savior”:

so, why did teacher katsuya helped a screaming delinquent? cuz he IS interested in kyoko. He said so. He approached her, talked & tried to help cuz he intended to “never let her go since he saw her honesty” ~ romantic? maybe to some.. I find it weird & creepy. him eyeing her & getting interested & approaching her & earning her trust. It is true that he has no intention of hurting her or forcing her & he DID save her in more ways than one. But why is this all wrapped in romance. He DID flirt with her intentionally many times from the moment he saw her until then.

If Im being honest, had he not be her teacher (trainee or not), & had she not be very veeeeery young! I’d be enjoying his flirting so much. He’s so smooth, playful & cool (not looking head over heels in love) which is normally such a fun dynamics. She was so head over heels, tho. Finally found someone who noticed her tiny efforts “ drawing eyebrows”, someone who listened & someone who didn’t forced her to do her “duties”. She tells him (her teacher) that she is ditching classes & he’s okay with that~ not lecturing, not urging. why? cuz He only wants HER. she comes to see him in the lunch break everyday. school? classes? that’s her choice~ not his business~ In a way, Katsuya is intentionally made not morally correct. Why? cuz a good moral adult wouldn’t be in love with a middle schooler & would care for her future as an independent person from him. He must be written with intentional desire to NOT care for morals or right or the likes. Yes, he later helps her to study & graduate but ONLY when that is HER choice & she made it ONLY to catch up with him. To cleanse herself & be “ like the other girls” . Kyoko deemed katsuya “ good person” &  herself “ bad person”. That’s why she was motivated to be good to catch up with him since she can NO LONGER see him everyday in lunch break. He fixed that. How? teach her in the weekends & provide better chances to flirt since he’s no longer a teacher & she’s his student. The issue is not teacher-student love... it is adult-kid love!! but hey~ they’re cute (they’re written to be, so they are) so it’s cool ( it isn’t at all..eww).. oh the dilemma that is Takaya-san’s love for weird big age gaps where one is an underage teenager...

Furuba’s has this big theme of “ love doesn’t heal or save”. yuki took tohru’s love & grew up by himself. Kyo’s love for tohru didn’t save tohru, she was scared to be in love & forget her mom. Tohru made the decision to be free from her past, herself.  Tohru’s love to kyo made his trauma 10 times more complicated & he acted based on his love for her & decided to leave her. It wasnt until he decided to face his trauma, past & bio dad by himself, that he accepted tohru’s love. Only two characters were totally saved by love:

Machi: has the excuse of being solely created to be yuki’s reward for acknowledging platonic love for tohru & everything abt her is rushed & made as a lighter copy of all yuki’s issues to quickly create shared grounds for them to connect. Machi needed to vent her issues to yuki once & all her issues were never brought back to the service again. She was happier, calmer & healed.

I expected more for kyoko. She IS a bigger character than half of the zodiacs! but she just needed katsuya to listen to her & she was in love & her issues solved.

I don’t deny that it IS true that sometimes all we need is someone to listen to us. Tohru herself said so & even yuki said it to kyo. But Even if someone listen to us & we love them, the issues that troubled us dont magically disappear until we face them or do sth abt them aided by those who love us. Kyo’s issues remained even with his love until he faced them, tohru’s too!

Katsuya:

had off-screen issues with expressing himself. He said that he loved kyoko cuz she was “honest abt her ugly feelings” while he pretended to “humor & please his dad”. He gave a wonderful speech to her parents abt the expectations of parents on their kids & the refusal of their “human weakness” again furuba’s main vision. Unfortunately, this was followed with confessing, marriage proposal & kissing her on the lips all while the whole issue is abt kids/ parents exceptions of middle schooler/ neglect & his own acknowledgement that she’s minor while he was “in love”.

Like the author wants to tie kyoko’s issues & katsuya’s issues so bad & present him as her ONLY chance for normal life. Kyoko was just repenting & understanding that her actions got consequences which is an epic moment! but romance triumphant & saved the day~ yay~! marriage!

The story would’ve been better romantically if it was given time for kyoko to “ grow up” just like katsuya himself said when they were at the beach. He said “ grow up, middle school is not the world”. He continued meeting her but never confessed & never crossed the line despite the flirting. But he KNEW what he was doing “ i never planned to let you go since I saw you”. He was cementing his place as the ONLY one in her world.

Had kyoko grew up, saw the real world, kept taps with katsuya, he helped her broaden her world, then they’ll marry without needing her dad to sign papers, then that would be a better love story than this.

Side Notes:

The writer didn’t shy away from confessing that pairing Katsuya & kyoko is problematic & stated it in canon (kyoko called katsuya “pedo”). She did the same with Arisa & kureno (Arisa thought the age gap is big & hana questioned if kureno is a married man). However, making the story acknowledge that as an issues doesn’t make it less uncomfortable, but at least, I respect when writers do what they plan to do regardless of fans. even if I dont agree with the writer. It’s way better than when writer becoming fans toy/ fans pleaser.

Still, couldn’t the author state that kyoko was held back few years in jmiddle school & failed & repeated school years? like make her i duno 17 or sth... this would at least lessen the big age gap... but no~~~ kyoko is what? 14? ... -_-’.

You bet this won’t change a bit in the upcoming anime spinoff abt kyoko. Just this year an anime abt an adult man & his high school love interest that he pursued stubbornly was highly popular & my real life friends were gushing abt “ him finally winning her/ being respectful & only kissing her lips once or sth/waiting for her to “catch up” with him”/ consent age differ in X & Y countries..I’m not dictating my beliefs on anybody or any country or saying my way of thinking is the just way. I’m saying, Personally, I think, there are better romantic stories than adults & kids couples.. The fact that this trope of (adults & kids romance) is still popular even today is sad~~

I dont mind HUGE age gaps as long as BOTH characters are adults. If any of them makes a crime, they’ll be held responsible by the law. & sometimes the younger adult is the one dominating the relationship. but “kids or teenagers” can’t. They’re easily groomed & manipulated, so it bothers me when a love story between an adult & a kid is portrayed as  “equal”. it isn’t.

I’m not judging whoever loves such trope in “ fiction”. it IS fiction, & as long as you don't pursue a real kid/teenager in real life, you can like whatever in fiction. moving on~

kyoko’s delinquent life is well-written & if done right, would send a powerful message of being able to start over. But the romantic love aspect will steal the spotlight by (a) directing uncomfortable hate/disgust towards the story & hence all the discussions will abt the “pedo” aspect. (which is fair). (b) Perceived as so lovable romance since katsuya is the prince who to saved the neglected princess which is a trope that has stood thro time garnering lots of support & attention always, so all the discussion would be abt their “cute romance”. (which is fair since the author weaved elements that endeared their romance, such as: cute nicknames “miss no-eyebrows”, him giving her space, home & respect, saving her from the streets & poverty & having the most endearing tohru”. So, yeah, the romance will be the center of attention regardless.

I like katsuya’s character type in fiction generally: the flirty, mischievous & a bit cool guy who is so aware he’s wrong most times & plays his cards smart to not get caught red-handed. He’s a cooler version of shigure. It’s just the blatant fact that he’s been planning to “get” a middle schooler from the first glance & that she is wayyyy young for this, that is bothering me so so much~~ T_T.

I wont expect the anime to change their age gap cuz it is the essence of their story that she’s a lost kid with no protection against the world & he’s the savior providing everything at once!~ Remember kyoko went on to be the savior of an entire clan tho tohru~ So in a way, katsuya saved the sohmas by saving kyoko....

“ i’m like a stray cat that he looked after instead of chasing away”. kyoko with katsuya is like kyo with kazuma! >_<!. When kyo met tohru, he wasn’t a stray cat, most of how he dealt with her was cuz he already knew her & was tormented by remembering kyoko’s death & feeling guilty towards tohru’s constant pain. That’s why when kyo started falling in love with tohru, he unconsciously stopped pushing her away little by little & just wanted to be with her until akito said “ i’ll hurt her” that’s when he totally gave up.

the way katsiya appeared in the right moment to save kyoko from her dad~ oh the drama. XD

Hospital Discharge & chase. like mom like daughter~ but thank God the kids got a more balanced love story.

Comparing kyoko/katsuya to Arisa/kureno in the broad writing of their romance without diving into details: (a) I hate the age gap in both but at least Arisa is older & nothing happened until she graduates & become an official adult. (b) Kyoko/katsuya are more fleshed out & if you forget the age gap,m their dynamic is so cute & endearing. (c) the love at first glance, never meeting afterwards yet still sickly in love to the extinct of screaming made Arisa/kureno shallower. (d) now that I saw teenage kyoko, Arisa is really just her clone! I hate that this steals from Arisa’s uniqueness. (e) both couples ate ramen in their first meeting/first unofficial date signalling their blooming love.

I’ve said this more than once, but I was the high-schooler that fancied adult independent men growing up, I never pursued anyone tho cuz I understood it was a crush even tho I’m pretty sure my “ *_*” face was clear to one or two, but I’m definitely lucky none of them tried to woo me or influence me. Now that I’m a grown woman, I think back & laugh at my self. I fancied them cuz they were independent & mature compared to the silly high school boys, which is what those men are supposed to be (adults) & what those boys are supposed to be (living their young age). lol. Still, I wish I found someone somehow to be my life’s partner since then, it would’ve made my life less lonely~ T_T.

#Fruits Basket #fruits basket manga #manga reviwes #anime-only #tired paper #my thoughts are so scattered #& unorganized #I apologize for the mess #ch 90 #ch 91

[dahniwitchoflight]

Homesquared Chapter 16

Alrighty, that was a fun tangent, now back to John it seems?

Oh, no, Narration of John (So Actually Dirk, speak of the devil and he shall appear and all that etc etc)

“ leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had. “

pfft lol so Im not the only one that thought it would be funny if that scene was interpreted in a Pale Romantic light, even though that really wasn’t what was happening

OIh! but we still get Roxy, just the other version of Roxy

Roxy subtly being like “hey!! shit has apparently gone down, were not exactly close atm but I feel bad about you dying to want to know if youre still alive so im gonna message you while trying to make it look like i dont care about it as much as I do”

JOHN: trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so

and the wonderful question is, what IS going be happening with you now John?

Roxy looking nice and casual, but also yeah narration, why are you making this ominous, its not like Roxy’s out here to double spy on behalf of Jane, I don’t think Roxys on her side THAT much

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out

ROXY: but so far so good

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Roxy once again being a master of hiding how shes feeling, even when trying to open up, feeling pretty stressed about whats happening with Jane, understandable, the exclamation points give it away lol

The narration is really trying to make John nervous though

OH lol that was the implication haha no lol John it obviously wasn’t that

“John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced? He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.“

lol once again, Dirk has no idea how to read Roxy at all and just trips over himself and his assumptions XD

Yeah, looks like Roxy not on the Jane train and is doing some takesies backsies, shes glossing over her feelings on the matter still though, I know thats par for the course of how Roxy tends to handle stuff too but I wish shed open up a bit more, but maybe shes playing the smart game, yknow, knowing that Dirk has a hard time reading her, so glossing over stuff is how you protect yourself against the narrative force, confusion and vaguery in the narrative and her actions only helps her to keep control over it, because at any point, you can decide to “clear up” any narrative “miscommunication” or “confusion” and lay down what is it thats actually happening with you any time you want

Void working in the behind the scenes to do what they want

JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE.

JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house?

JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self?

JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know?

JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something?

JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames.

JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it.

JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late?

JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison.

JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good.

JOHN: but that’s just bullshit.

JOHN: it DID feel good.

JOHN: i DO feel free.

JOHN: sorry.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize

ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn

JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Im pretty sure you’re talking about a gender thing John, like, very 100% sure now this is what’s happening

because if you were actually a girl, of course you’re dad leaving all these notes about how one day hes gonna be so proud of the man youll become, yeah, that can feel a little pressuring, even if your dad didnt mean it like that, since he was unfailingly the kind of dad just bumbling around trying to understand their kid as best they could and leave encouragements everywhere, thats what his intent was, but all his notes come off a bit wrong in particular issues

remember the note under the fridge that was all like “SON. IF YOURE READING THIS NOTE, YOUVE FINALLY BECOME STRONG ENOUGH OF A MAN TO PICK UP THE FRIDGE.” not exactly that but that was always the vibe Dad’s little notes always had

Yeah, i can see how John would view it as a bit off, but if he hadnt the self awareness to realize it was a gender thing at the time, hed be understandly confused as to why such a thing would bother him

now though, he’s realizing, maybe, he doesn’t exactly want to be the man his dad always encouraged him to be

John does seem a lot happier here in his convo with Roxy than he did on his own when the house was burning, that conversation with karkat left me wondering if John was about to start dissociating he was so down, but here he says he feels freeing and happy about it?

ROXY: but like now that u mention it

ROXY: *meaningful pause*

JOHN: …

JOHN: i

JOHN:

John’s beginning to question stuff, or acknowledge that he’s questioning stuff, cuz it’s true, and hes feeling happy about it, in a way that he wasnt before, but he hasnt quite connected the dots here between the happy feeling and what exactly he has to be happy about

ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push

ROXY: we both got sick muscles

ROXY: no other adjectives necessary

JOHN: yeah ok.

Yeah Roxy’s 100% picked up on it, and maybe Dirk has as well if the narration is commenting on it

Alrighty then, to the secret lair under the bed!

oh I just noticed how kind of cute and interesting Roxy’s nickname for Harry is, “Lil H A” Harry Anderson shortens to Ha like laughter haha

and if Harry had Roxy’s last name, it’d be Harry Anderson Lalonde

Lil HAL

lol what is Callie doing under Roxy’s secret bedchamber XD

This whole secret bedchamber thing is turning into one big metaphor isn’t it?

That thing behind the curtain kind of looks like the Attic Portal shape from Hiveswap though

that’d be neat if that was it, like obviously we knew one of the cherubs had to have something to do with that portal just going by the design of it alone

Honestly it makes sense that Callie is doing it under the curtain of Roxy’s Void, it’s honestly the safest place to do something like that

lol Calliope has grown past writing fanfic about shipping and being in love, now the drama of broken relationships and divorce is all the rage XD character growth? haha

CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr.

CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point.

Calliope just burned him harder than his childhood home’s destruction

CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are.

have you been talking to Jake lol (I mean, probably Original Grandpa Jake tbh if that portal is actually the portal)

Alright so John is getting caught up on the major plot points, Earth C is indeed in the large black hole, his choice didn’t matter since both choices happened anyway yadda yadda

CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip.

CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads".

CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads.

yup yup yup pretty par for the course of timesplits in homestuck so far

CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are".

yup, this is true, the ending’s of both referenced the others, so it’s disingenuous to say one is “canon” while the other isn’t

one is simply in the realm of actual possibility, the other is in the realm of unlikely possibility

More than likely, John would have chosen to leave and go die and be the hero like in Meat, but there was still the possibility that he would stay, even if it was unlikelier than the other, but since both were possible choices for him to realistically make, both actually happened for real

CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity

that’s interesting, so there’s the original meteor that crashed into the surface of Earth C, and it’s in here that the singularity of what I don’t wanna call the Green Hole to match the Green Sun when I wanna talk about this specific Black Hole lolol

but yeah, here in this meteor lies the crux of the paradox it seems, interesting, also interesting again, this is where that Hiveswap Portal is

Hiveswap does have a plot point of “Joey must do thing in 11 days otherwise Earth and Alternia will be destroyed” and the only known destruction event of Earth and Alternia so far in canon is the Green Sun’s Creation from the destruction of both universes (and then later Callie’s destruction of the green sun into the black hole) so is Hiveswap gonna be a factor in the green sun’s destruction/creation as well? (Joey has the symbol of the Green Sun for a reason, I’m super curious as to what factor Joey has in relation to the Green Sun’s Existence, We still don’t know what the fact those black monsters are too, they’re like nega-first guardians, the kind of things that look like would come out of a Black Hole that came from the Green Sun tbh)

It’s all inter-related I tells ya

ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love

JOHN: aw.

You say that now but

CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them.

CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish.

CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart!

CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been.

yeah that’s basically how this multiverse’s reality works, the future is a thing that already physically exists, just in a different location in the universe somewhere else

time travel and spacial teleportation could be said to be the same thing all along

that’s why violating the events of the future has actual consequences, because its like asking to go somewhere that doesn’t exist but how has to exist because it’s the future, too much of that and reality starts cracking at the seams to make room

same thing happens with sessions and playing sburb

the planets and dreaming moons and all that simultaneously have always existed here, and started existing only because the player played the game and the planets were generated upon entering a session, but to the player involved, it looks and feels like you are just being teleported to a different location in the universe, because you also kind of are

CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary.

CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence.

CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon.

CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist!

So you’re just in a little seperated bubble, that’s not connect temporally to any other place of existence, you aren’t anywhere in the past or the future of anywhere else

nowhere leads here, and here can not lead outwards either, theoretically, and yes it exists, so it must also

JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...?

CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal.

CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific.

JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that.

CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U

CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley.

CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u=

CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So someone else definitely has managed to do such a thing

JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything?

JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal?

CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not.

CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm.

JOHN: oh.

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval.

CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality.

CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u

JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

yeah, so because here in the black hole neither affects the past or the future of anywhere else, being so disconnected, they are technically free of the reigns of the Alpha Timeline that exists elsewhere in the multiverse

the Alpha Timeline now being understood to simply mean, The Narrative

Things are the way they are because they are thus written to be so

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth.

CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher.

ROXY: its total bs is what it is

CALLIOPE: right, yes.

CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite.

CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Hmmm. It’s a dangerous idea to be playing with for sure, to decide all the black pieces in the game of chess suddenly become white, it is a very flip turning of reality upside down to be sure

To be honest, I’d think you’d need a powerful Doom player at your disposal to even try something like this

or actually, a powerful Doom user would be most likely to shut this entire thing down, knowing how bad of an idea it’d be, maybe it’s more you need a powerful Life player to do something like this instead

is that also why Dirk viewed Jane as an ally then? She would technically have the kind of power to upend the black and white doomy laws of reality if driven to her full potential, i mean obviously yes, we know this already because of the candy colored I-can-do-whatever-I-want-with-no-consequences lollipop

Is this what Calliope hopes to achieve with the Hiveswap Portal then? her goals for Joey and friends are to be the ones to prevent their universe’s twin destructions, and thus the Green Sun’s initial existence and then also the destruction into the Black Hole after the fact? that would be one way to prevent the Black Hole from existing, making it so the thing that creates the black hole never exists either

and that's certainly a canon event that would be difficult to tear asunder without major consequences

That would be a “Re-writing Homestuck from the very beginning” level of canon event

And if I’m correct, Joey is theorized by me to be a Mage of Life, if any classpect at their full potential was gonna do something like that, or have the impossible knowledge to something impossibly paradoxical like that, well..

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh

ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then.

ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense

ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail

CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity.

ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point

CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan.

CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more.

CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it.

CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.

CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself?

I mean yeah! makes sense! Johns major factor here is Freedom, Vriska’s is Importance

and yeah, I can think of no other wholly dramatic event that to mess with stuff with the Green Sun, everyone will have eyes on that, they have to, their whole existence the way it is relies on it

But, they could also mean something else, its only condition is that it has to be something so imflappably impossible, something so not-canon and so outrageous that it basically horse-shoes around to the other end of the canon spectrum to being something that truly exists again

and that could be literally anything and it’s nerve wracking and exciting to see what thing theyre gonna come up with to just directly kneecap Homestuck itself

ROXY: thx babe

ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or

JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine.

(yeah that’s because Babe can be construed as feminine June)

so, I’m basically convinced they’re doing June Egbert now

that to me was like, pretty severely on the nose

John: Hey Roxy, what it does mean when you find a sense of freedom when all of the symbolism of the masculinity surrounding your childhood burns down around you

Roxy: idk It’s probably a gender thing man

John: I didn’t say the word gender-

Roxy: It’s ok babe no pressure, we can hash it out later

John: Hmm, later then. :)

Roxy: (Turns and looks towards the camera with a knowing smile)

shit all that imagery makes me think of Roxy as that picture of the small kid smirking at the camera while a house burns in the distance XD

#Homesquared #june egbert #john egbert #yeah theres no way there not gonna bring up June Egbert as a apossibility now #Roxy couldn't have quirked her eyebrows harder at the fourth wall if they had tried #Homestuck #I'm basically convinced now lol #that plus my reaction to chapter 14

[idjitlili]

Blah its me

Kili x Modern!reader

Summary:Imagine Kili being sent to find you ,to only to see you dressing by a small river,spotting your belly button piercing. And him liking your earrings so much that he asks you to pierce his ears.

over 2280 words

You we apart of Thorin's company since you fell upon fron the sky ,whacking your head on a tree,landing face first infront of the company who rode ponies.You had used your arms to stop you whacking your face in the mud. You had groaned,standing up brushing the mud from your bottom."I have been falling for 30 minutes!" you had growled not noticing the bunch of dwarves,a hobbit and a wizard had been eyeing you. "d-did she just fall out of the sky?" the hatted dwarf had spoke ,in which in time you learned to know his name as Bofur.

The dwarves sat still on their ponies in spoke,until the youngest Durin prince spoke "did it hurt when you fell from the heavens of malah?" he spoke flirting while you as the older dark haired dwarf turned around and shot him a look,which he simply ignored. "I feel some stairs and ended up here not down from heaven..." the words slipped quietly from your lips ,the wizard had looked at you thinking before he spoke "it seems that this maiden is not from middle earth  ,Am I correct?" you wanted to know who the fuck he knew that."middle earth,what no,its just earth." he hummed at you. Soon after that you were apart of the company,to much off Thorins disagreement you were in.

Which led you to now you were in Rivendell already;Thorin didnt like that very much. You were quite happy with about ,Elrond had given you a room with a bath,you hadnt had a proper clean in a long while. Plus a cute elf named Lindir,had accompanyed you to your room,offering you his arm. You had happily taken it blushing,the dwarves werent impressed by this ,Kilis face scrunched up in jealousy.

It wasnt a shock to Fili that his brother had grown to have a crush on you,a strange girl from another world. He knew better to keep it to himself ,and only tease Kili about it quietly. Thorin was only just beginning to like you,Fili didnt want you being left on the side of the road if his uncle found out about his youngest nephews feelings for you.

You had thanked Lindir greatly for helping you to your room,he had smiled at you "you are very welcome lady y/n,Elrond has told me about you and wishes me to inform you that if you would like you can stay here in Rivendell." you didnt know what to say ,you loved it in Rivendell and Lindir was indeed bodacious,but you grown to like a certain prince. Not that you could do anything about it,he was royalty ,you were a mere human ,not that kili acted like a prince more immature than anything.

"I really couldnt,they would feel betrayed,"you spoke quietly.looking at your dirty shoes. "though its not only reason is it?" his voice was like silk in noise,golden smooth,his head high as you look up at him ,shaking your head no. "Im sure he returns your love." you almost choked ,as he left how could he known,damn. You turned into your room almost turning into sonic running to the bath. Soon scrubbing yourself with the rich soaps and oils,conditioning your hair.  

After you had wrapped yourself in one towel;another in your hair. Slowly dressing yourself in your short underwear,not boxers but they were were shorts and underwear. And your bra from your world ,about to put on the mint green dress Elrond had sent to your room,well was until the door knocked. "who is it?" (james franco pineapple express,yeah you sound like that ) "Bluh it's me" he stated ,je was still annoyed about Lindir,but he didnt hold it to you ,it wasnt his choice who you liked. You hadnt realised that you were fully dressed ,your wet hair now down ,water making your skin shine against the light.  As you walked towards the door,opening it to reveal Kili he hadnt yet bathed clearly.

His eyes quickly scanned your body,blushing as he say you in your underclothes,you looked at him confused to his facial expresion. "Im sorry , I disturbed you,its just dinner is ready," You had looked down to see what he gestured about ,you had blushed in embarrassment."oh god,yeah I'll be right there." you tried to play it off ,but his eyes still kept glancing ,he nodded turning to leave,but a jem catches his eye.

He turns back to you loooking down at your bellybutton gasping "Is that a jem in your bellybutton?"he beyond shocked he had never seen something like it before,he didnt understand why you hadnt shown it off,he thought it was beautiful. "oh..um its my belly button piercing?" he had looked even more confused ,looking down to see how it worked. You sighed pulling him in by his arm,making him almost fall over,sitting him on the side of the bed,you laying flat next to him. So your stomach looked flatter than when it did when you sat,not that you should be ashammed ,it was just so he could see. He had looked at you as you unscrewed the ball pulling out the bar. "see theres a hole,damn thats what she said." his hand went near before he pulled it away,you pulled it back assuring it was fine.

He had grabbed the bar eyeing it ,before popping back into its rightful placing securing the ball ontop. " do men in your world have that too?" he had questioned as you stood up pulling the dress on before sitting next to Kili on the bed. "no not many ,its mostly because they get made fun of by other men that claim its a gay thing to do aka ,men that like men  do it ,but it isnt anyone can do it,more women have it done. some people are just scared of the pain of having it done ,but inreality it doesnt hurt at all,just the same as my first ear ones," in the end you had pointed to your earrings that lay on the lobe.

kill had watched interest,he really thought you were the most beautiful thing you had ever seen. "i like it very much y?n it suits you very well." you had smiled blushing as he smirked at your reaction."thank you kili." you looked the floor not knowing what to say after that."do you think one day you will help me go get my ears done like yours are on that bit?" he spoke shyly pointing to your ear lobe. "I mean if you want.. I could now." you response now looking at kili whos face lights up like the moon in the night sky,nods eagerly,you run to your bag grabbing your spare unused hoops and clean needle and a slightly wet cloth,rushing back to him.

You jump on the bed ,bouncing slightly almost stabbing yourse;f with the needle,you kneel facing his left ear. "just the one ear?" at the moment you had one stud in your first hole and in the otherside a lego indiana jones figure dangling. Like who didnt play at least one lego game on the wii as a child,maybe you still do cough me. "what do you think?" he had questioned holding the needle and earring as you used the cloth to clean his lobe gently,he tried to stay still under your grip."I think the one for now ,so you can sleep on the other side,without aggravating it while it heals." you spoke quietly,standing up to put the cloth down on the beside table,pulling the dress up before sitting back down now comfortble on your knees thats what she said.

"alright then,just the one please." he looked at you smiling nervously,you smiled back at him excitedly. You lined the needle up to the appropriate position. "you ready?" you asked him."ye-Ow" you had cut him off stabbing the needle through,and placing in the hoop. "that did not hurt,youve been stabbed by a bloody sword,and made less of a fuss. did that go over your head?" you grabbed the cloth once again ,shoving his hand away from the ear as he rubbed ,now cleaning the piercing.

"Nothing goes over my head my reflexes are too fast, I would catch it." you snorted at his response pulling him up from the bed,discarding the cloth,leading him to the mirror standing behind him as he looked at the earring with a big grin."Ilove it!" he practially shouted turning around engulfing you in arms twirling you around, your face flashes red as does his when he puts you down embarrassed. "i-im sorry," he spoke looking at the floor you had grabbed your hand "dont be ,lets go the company will be waiting." you spoke pulling the blushing dwarf out the door with you.

You had let go of his hand once you had reached the others,sitting down beside bofur,kili beside you. They had stared at you brielfly."you look very nice ,lass." bofur had told you smiling next you ,you had blushed quietly thanking him. "Yes,,Y/n you look truly look more beautiful than when you were covered in mud,if that was even possible." fili smirked at you then briefly at his brother ,he wanted him to step up stop being so scared of you a shy guy,like you would go blurting out that you didnt like him,but you did. "t-thank you." you werent used to the compliments ,nor many people interacting with you.

"kili,what is that in your ear??" Thorin had interrupted the dwarves commenting on you ,his voice stern,his face almost a frown,you looked at kili nervously you didnt want to get in trouble from thorin.  "SO ,I basically accidently saw y/n had an earring thingy in her bellybutton-" "A what? lass show us." bofur had cut him off now everyone was starring at you, waiting ,you stood up. Only for kili to pull on your telling you not to do what you were about to do ,sending you a pleading look. You had shook your head ,assuring him it was fine ,pulling the dress up above your belly button.

You had just revealed to the whole company a f/c jem that was your bellybutton jewerly,also your bare thighs and underwear. That elf Lindir had smirked at you,causing kili to almost explode,as he saw it the dwarves were in shock as you sat down,they still said nothing. "why would you keep such beauty hidden?" Dwalin the least person you wouldve expected spoke up,you didnt think he thought anything was beautiful expect maybe I dont know his mother. "..uh b-because I cant wonder around with you guys in half a shirt ,I would definitely get stabbed easier." you spoke yet again quietly ,making bilbo laugh at your tone. Kili smiled before breaking the silence ,"so yeah anyways I made her pierce my ear,how do I look? more majestic than uncle?" he had mocked shaking his hair slowly ,like a hair product advert,making you giggle.

"So you two are courting?" Thorin asked eyeing down his sisters youngest son,you both sat there not knowing what to say ,until you did. "w-what do you mean?" you had questioned the dwarven king. "he means Kili saw you practially naked ,and then you gave him a body modification,and then supplied him with the jewerly,all pretty intimate it seems." Bofur piped up,taking a drag from his pipe. You blushed ,looking at the salad infront of you ,picking up a piece of cucumber chewing it avoid the scene, "y/n ,may I speak with you ?"you had turned to  kili nodding grabbing another piece of cucumber as he took your hand helping you up,leading you to a hall with the sword that chopped saurons fingers off.

He stood infront of you his eyes filled with panic ,and nerves ,as he literally lunged foward cupping your cheeks pressing his lips to yours,before pulling away embarrassed."y/n,im sorry,but they are right,I want to court you." he paced around ,until you spoke "dont be sorry" he stopped turning to look at you shocked, "i want to court you" thats all it took for him to pull you into a passionate kiss,before pulling away when you had heard someone clearing their throat.

"finally,I having been trying to force this for weeks." fili poopped out smirking,and soon after bilbo "and me"

"how??" kili and questioned,holding you in an embrace. "well we would accidently trip you into each other or get you both on nightwatch together ,or-" "okay we get it thank you very much "

"god damnit dildo gaggins and the jensen ackles ,john travolta love child."

a/n lets pretend i didnt pierce my mid ear with a safety pin at 14 or give myself an umbrella stick and poke at 14 because of tom holland dancing to umbrella. dont do it ,dont risk your life doing something stuipid like i did. yeah thats what this is based off.

#kili #kili x y/n #the hobbit kili #kili x you #kili x reader #kili imagine #kili imagines #the hobbit x reader #the hobbit imagine #the hobbit #the hobbit imagines #hobbit x #hobbit x reader #hobbit imagine #hobbit imagines