#and i'm not really allowed to be sad. or vulnerable. it's others who count on me for me to cheer them up not the other way around

[lucifersimp333]

●MC with PCOS or Hormonal Imbalance●

Scenario: You are a MC with female anatomy who suffers from PCOS or a hormone imbalance. You have abnormal periods, painful cramps, and grow some facial hair. Here is how the brothers would respond!

TW: Facial hair on femine face, hormone imbalances, weight gain, food restriction

LuciferXmc, AsmoXmc, BeelXmc

As someone with hypothyroidism, I feel us hormonal imbalanced people need to be represented! We are beautiful,strong, and worthy of love! If you ever want to vent about the struggles of PCOS, hypo or hyperthyroidism, or any hormonal imbalance you may be struggling with I am all ears! Xoxo

ASMO

Went to go touch your face out of endearment, trying to give you a quick little kiss. You suddenly pulled your face away from his hands, you get embarrassed from people touching your face in fear they could feel some stubble.

He automatically looks so sad, how could you pull away from him? " Sweetiiiiieeee.... why did you pull away from me? Did I do something wrong baby?"

You admit that you don't like anyone touching your face because you're embarrassed about your facial stubble. You then explain you have PCOS and the struggles that come with it. He holds both of your hands and places them in his lap and rests his forehead on yours.

" My sweet darling.... You are absolutely beautiful in my eyes. I wouldn't want you any other way. I'm here to support you whenever you need."

He places both his hands on each of your ears, brings your head to his lips to gift you a soft kiss on your head. He wipes a little tear off you cheek and smiles gently at you."May I touch your beautiful face, my love?"

With your permission you allow him to touch your face. He doesn't go overboard , just places a soft hand on your cheek and smiles at you so lovingly. He looks deeply in to your eyes and gives you such a sincere, soft smile. " You are so beautiful, thank you for letting me touch yout face."

He takes his hands off your cheeks and looks at you for a minuet. " Don't tell anyone, but I actually have an insecurity as well."

Your eyes widen. What? Someone as beautiful as this demon, has an insecurity?

He pulls his sleeves up to show his arms. "Sometimes I think my arms look like noodles. Just so....thin! I try to lift weights with Beel from time to time, but I'm always so afraid to chip my nail polish!" He says with a slightly chuckle. " I guess I'll always have noodles for arms."

You smile at him. It was unlike him to share an insecurity and you really appreciate him being so honest with you to make you feel better. You both hug each other for a while, just enjoying each other's vulnerability.

If you're okay with it, he'll help you wax your lip and chin, following by using the best creams he has to take care of your beautiful skin. When you have painful cramps, hell hold you in his lap with a warm compress on your pelvis. He'll set reminders o his phone to make sure you take your hormonal medication so you don't ever forget.

Makes it a point to call you beautiful all the time ( like he didn't already). He doesn't do this out of pity, but because he genuinely believes you are so gorgeous. He doesnt want you to EVER think you are anything other than beautiful.

Beel

You were chowing down on some nachos with Beel when he noticed you were eating less than usual. Why are you counting chips? Why are you taking the most dry, naked chips out of the plate of nachos?

"Mc, why aren't you eating much? I know you didn't eat lunch today. Are you not feeling well?" He looks at you concerned. He places the back of his palm to your forehead, checking to see if you have a fever in fear you're not feeling well.

You mention that it's easy for you to gain weight due to your hormone imbalance. You gained a few pounds during the week and you don't want to gain anymore. You confide in him that you have always been insecure about your weight so you really try to watch what you eat sometimes. Just talking about this is making your eyes well up. You never really spoke about this to anyone and it's making you emotional l.

This demon is looking like a sad puppy. How could MC be insecure? They're stunning! Beel abruptly stands up, picks you up like nothing, holds you bridal style and looks you dead in the eyes after wiping away a teat off your face.

" I don't like..... I don't like that you feel like you have to restrict yourself just to feel pretty. You.... you are pretty..... the prettiest thing I've ever seen..."

He is hesitant at first, but while holding you bridal style he kisses you. It's the softest, most passionate kiss you've ever experienced.

He sits back in his chair and places you on his lap. You're both facing forward and he rests his head on your shoulder, rubbing your tummy softly. " I love your tummy, MC. I think it's so yummy! You know.... if I wasn't a demon, I would have a HUGE tummy!"

You giggle at his little joke knowing that what he said was true. He smiles after hearing you giggle, relieved he could make you feel at least a little better.

When he notices you staring at the mirror analyzing your body a little too long, hell go as far as to take the mirror away from you. He NEVER wants you to think low of yourself.

He makes sure you never skip a meal ever again. Even if that means he has to go hungry for a little bit, he'll make sure you eat first.

On really bad days when you imbalance is really fucking with you to the point you feel icky, hell sit you on his lap and rub your tummy. He'll give you every ounce of love that demon has in his body just so you feel loved and beautiful.

Lucifer

He was discussing the next vacation day with you and the brothers at the dinner table, deciding where you will all go. The brothers all agreed to go to the beach! Lucifed noticed you were awfully quiet on the subject, having a hint of nervousness in your face.

Once dinner was done, he walked beside you and rest his hand on your shoulder and bent his head down to your ear. " Come to my study in 10 minuets. I want to discuss something with you."

10 minuets later you are in his study sitting in the chair across the desk. He is doing his usual paperwork while speaking to you. " You didn't seem to be to pleased on the fact we're going to the beach next week. Is there a reason why, MC?"

You fiddle with hem of your shirt " I just..... I have a hormone imbalance which makes me a little more.....plump.... than a lot of woman. I don't feel confident in a swimsuit. I..... I also feel more comfortable wearing makeup to hide....." You get nervous and trail off in to silence. You can feel your eyes welling up.

As soon as you said you didn't feel confident he stopped writing and had all his attention on you. His gaze was soft, yet sadden. He felt his heart shatter in to a million pieces seeing your eyes get glassy.

" To hide what, MC?" His voice is gentle, but he wants you to release what you have pent up.

" I... grow a little facial hair which sometimes causes breakouts... so I hide it with makeup. Y-you can't wear makeup at the beach....." You quickly wipe a tear away from your cheek.

"Mc, look at me." He leans over the table and uses one finger to lift your chin up so you can look at him.

" I understand you may not be happy with how you look at times. But I assure you, there is nothing to be insecure about." He let's his word sink in for a moment before taking your hands and guiding you to his side of the table. He has you sit in his lap.

You lays your head on his chest and wraps his arms around you. " In all of the realms I've lived in, out of all the angels, devils, and humans I've seen.... you are by far the most beautiful being I have laid my eyes upon." He's stroking your hair out of your face and wipes away a stray tear. He lifts your head up to his and kisses you lovingly.

" I don't ever want you to hide who you are naturally. I promise with or without makeup, in or out of a bathingsuit I will find you breathtaking."

He goes with you to shop for a bathsuit you feel comfortable in, being so supportive the whole time. When he finally sees your face without makeup, he has the biggest grin on his face. You are beautiful, just like he knew you would be.

He never comments on noticeable facial stubble. It doesn't bother him one bit, and still finds you as irresistible as ever.

Makes it a point to compliment you on days where you finally decided you didn't need to wear makeup. His hear explodes with joy knowing that you are starting to feel as beautiful as he sees you. He is so proud.

#obey me shall we date #obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me nightbringer #obey me fanfic #obey me beelzebub #obey me asmo fluff #obey me fluff #obey me asmodeus #obey me beel fluff #obey me lucifer fluff

[little-tyrant-gortash]

Oathbreaker

Pairing: fem!Tav x Enver Gortash, fem!Tav/Astarion

Tags: Emotional Manipulation, Manipulation, Manipulative Relationship, Paladin Tav (Baldur's Gate), Vaginal Sex, Penis In Vagina Sex, Drunk Sex, Unrequited Love, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Scars, Blood and Injury, Injury, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy, Miscarriage, Torture, Psychological Torture, Implied/Referenced Torture

Word count: 1,504

Ao3 here.

Chapter 1.

Chapter 2.

Chapter 3.

Chapter 4.

Chapter 5.

Chapter 6.

Chapter 7. ⬇

Chapter 8.

Notes: The flu kicked my ass bad. I wanted to post this days ago. Sorry for the delay! I'm feeling better, so, hopefully, I'll have more energy to write. :3

Chapter 7: Three Conditions

The expression he donned was indescribable. Tav could detect so many things in the very same moment: regret, rage, boastfulness and then… sadness. Settling on a scowl one mere second later though, Enver shook his head.

"She'd rather gut me than letting me even consider fixing it."

"I'll talk to her."

Gortash stared at her for a long moment.

"On three conditions."

"Three?!"

"You've heard me."

Tav fought hard not to roll her eyes. She crossed her arms in front of herself with an expectant look on her face. Three conditions - they weren't much to give in exchange for her friend's life, but if it came to Gortash, who knew what he might ask for… Tav probably wouldn't sell her soul to a devil to save her, but she was willing to give this a try. After all, he couldn't claim her soul, at least, and that was a relief…

What was the worst to happen?

"I'm listening."

"One", Gortash raised his right index finger, then pointed at the Reaper's Embrace, "you're wearing the armour from now on."

Something stirred within her. What did he do to the armour, really? Why was it so important for him? She wondered… what was that dark purple gemstone he put in it's claws right over where one's heart would be?

Given the nature of their meetings Tav was trying to believe he wouldn't pull anything malicious when it came to her. But she couldn't be entirely certain. He'd tricked an innocent bard, after all, offering her gold in exchange for her "voice" – only for her to end up as a brain in a box. Surely, Tav shouldn't let her guards down, because she might find herself without a body, too.

That was the worst to happen.

She shuddered.

Still, she'd need Karlach with her, and perhaps she'd… tolerate Gortash more if he did them all such a favour. He'd ultimately save Karlach's life – of course, after he'd majorly fucked it up for her. In any case, if Tav wanted to really bring the fight to Orin, she needed Karlach. That was non-negotiable.

In short… she had no choice. Try and trust Gortash, or die.

"Fine. I'll wear it."

"Two: you'll visit me every day for dinner." Tav nearly smiled, as it wasn't necessarily a bad thing. She could have the others stay at an inn and she'd sneak out every night without anyone knowing… that should do the trick. Free meals? So far, every meal she'd eaten with him was glorious. She'd be mad to turn that down. "And", he added when he sensed she was looking at it as good news, "we will work on your traumas to toughen you up."

The absurdity of it all!

"You have absolutely no idea what I had to face", she couldn't help it, she snapped. "The things I've seen and done-"

"Exactly", he nodded, "and we need to get those out of the way. You can't feel vulnerable in Bhaal's temple. We can't allow that to happen."

"I can take care of myself. Always did, always will."

"I know that, but will you allow me to do the same for you? You don't have to do this all alone."

She stared at him for a few long seconds, trying to determine how serious he was about this.

"Dinner sounds nice, the other – not."

Gortash knew he'd need to be cruel. This was, really, a small price to pay in the long run. If she could get rid of Orin for him, and brought him the Netherstones… he was willing to sacrifice his free time to work on her, so she could withstand anything she might face.

"You either do this for me, or I'm not fixing Karlach's engine. It's up to you."

She wanted to snarl at him for being so stubborn. He reminded her of Raphael, bringing back an old memory; that how Mol had freedom… to choose 'freely' the only one choice she had. Tav growled lowly.

"Okay. What else do you want to extort from me?"

Gortash smirked at her question.

"A kiss. Not now", he held his right hand up, then motioned between them, "on my own terms. Where I want, when I want."

Tav furrowed her brows, sensing some sort of trick. And, at the same time, she hated everything about him, even the motions he made with his hand when he was talking. Not for long enough, though.

"One single kiss?"

"Yes."

"That's it?"

"Yes", he nodded, and chuckled quietly at her confused expression.

"Fine", she ran a hand in her hair. "Anything else? Or are you finished taking everything from me?"

"My dear, the payments I require are nothing in comparison to what I'm ready to do... for you." He reached out to touch her towel clad waist, and pulled her close to himself before he kissed her deeply. Tav nearly melted at his confidence, in his embrace. She reached up to touch his face, and gently ran her thumb over his scar on his chin. Enver hummed before he pulled away. "It's late, and it's dangerous outside. Stay for the night."

"Do I have a choice?" She asked playfully.

"No", he smirked as his hand slid down on her body and grabbed her ass.

"I'd like to remind you that I do not belong to you", Tav murmured, trying hard to look just as confident as he did, but his closeness and his hands on her body were distracting.

"You needn't remind me. You're not cattle." Cocking a brow, his eyes darkened with something different, something she knew from their previous 'meetings'.

"Glad to hear that", she purred softly.

As a reply, Gortash grabbed the towel at her back and yanked it away from her form before he reached down and picked her up. She gasped as she instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist and arms around his neck.

"…again?" Enver huffed in her neck, making her giggle when his breath tickled her skin.

"Oh, yes~"

It did not take long for him to relocate them in yet another lavish bedroom, but she didn't even really care where they were. He could've taken her in a bedroll in the middle of nowhere with nothing but their dinner to their names; the way he could make her feel was otherworldly and utterly dangerous.

Later on, she was thinking about that if anyone told her a month ago that she'd be laying comfortably in the arms of the Chosen of Bane, she would've laughed hysterically.

And yet, there she was. Nestled warmly against him. Tucked in, his arms and his blanket around her form. In his bed. In his bedroom. In his bloody palace.

And she'd never felt safer in her entire life.

Tav listened to the way he was breathing; rhythmically, calmly, his last words still hanging in the air when he was dancing between being awake and asleep.

"Together... we will be great."

He'd given her no reason to believe he was lying. So far, everything about him was surprisingly good; from their shared meals to the sheets, Gortash paid a lot of attention to what she liked. She didn't even need to say it out loud, and he knew. As if it was second nature for him. As if it was in his best interests to keep her satisfied and happy.

And it was, in fact, done in his best interests. He was doing this all to make her obey him. To make her submit to his will. To guide her. To prevent her from ever betraying him.

A part of her wanted to give in. She wouldn't need to do much, just follow his lead; let his hand guide her wherever he wanted her to be. Perhaps it'd be best, really; she was growing tired of being the leader, trying to hold her little band of vagabonds together, trying to figure out their next steps, trying to keep peace within the camp. Especially after how Astarion had left them. It'd be so much easier if she could just... lay back and let someone else do the brain work for once.

But she also was aware that Gortash was a Banite; the very Chosen of the God of Darkness, a god who valued people who crushed the weak under their boot.

Did Gortash see her weak? Was she?

Tav's brows twitched as she was questioning herself. From a point of view, she was. Gortash never needed to do much to get under her skin, but that wasn't entirely his fault. She simply couldn't help herself when she saw those dark eyes, messy hair and thick lips of his. And his voice. Gods, his voice. His brilliant, wonderful mind and well put-together plans - the fact he was ready to share everything he earned for himself with her of all people.

She closed her eyes.

I'll worry about my emotions later, she decided, I shouldn't let them distract me now. I'll enjoy this while it lasts.

#Oathbreaker #little tyrant [enver gortash] #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg 3 #enver gortash #archduke enver gortash #lord enver gortash #fanfic #Oathbreaker fanfic

[matthew-gray-gublers-babygirl]

Friends will be friends - Roger Taylor x Fem!Reader (Chapter One)

Summary: Roger and the reader are best friends, and friends must always be there for each other, even if stronger feelings come into play.

AN: I randomly thought of this while getting something from the fridge. Chapter two coming later today.

Warnings: Mention of breaking up, sad Roger, comforting, no swearing (surprisingly?), hidden feelings, friends to lovers

Word count: <1k

Enjoy!

On a Saturday night, you sat alone in your flat, slumped on the couch with a fashion magazine. You were expecting a drunken call from your best friend, Roger, complaining about how you didn't come and how you were missing out. You've known Roger for a long time. You were the best of friends.

Your girlfriends, and even some guys, have questioned how you are able to befriend such an attractive man while not attempting to date him. The truth was that you had feelings for Roger. You tried to deny your feelings for him, but there was nothing you could do about who you were and who you weren't attracted to.

You promptly answer the phone when it rings. "What's up?" you say into the receiver, assuming it's Roger. On the other end, you can hear heavy breathing, as if the person was hyperventilating. “Roger? "Are you there?" you inquire. "Jo... she..." he sobs, his breathing becomes uncontrollable. "Can you tell me what happened? Take your time," you say as you guide Roger through his breathing.

"She- she broke up with me," he mumbles. Would Jo really do something like that? They appeared to be a happy couple from your perspective. What could have caused that to happen?  "I'll be there right away. Are you home?" you inquire, and he hums. "Y-yeah, yeah, I'm back home." You say your goodbyes quickly and walk out the door. You speed over to Rogers, almost hitting three red lights in the process. 

You gained entry into his flat. Roger is curled up on the floor below where the phone is hung on the wall. You sprint over to him, taking him into your arms and letting him cry into your shoulder. You whisper soothing words of "It's going to be okay," and "I've got you."

Roger's agonizing sobs made your heart ache. Roger has never been struck by such emotion before. You had no notion that he could be so vulnerable.

You managed to get him onto the couch and off the hardwood floor. You take a pillow and place it on your lap while he rests his head on it. "I thought she loved me..." he murmured. As he speaks, you try not to cry. "Some people simply lose love, and there is nothing we can do about it. We're all human, and people change. But that doesn't mean there isn't someone else for you out there."

You adored Roger wholeheartedly. He had been your shoulder to cry on all these years, and now he had yours. You could confess your feelings for him and pour your heart out to him, but you wouldn't allow yourself to do it. You had feelings for Roger, but you were also his best friend. He could have called one of the guys, but instead, he called you because he knew you were always there for him.

Roger sniffles and wipes his eyes away as his sobs subside. "What if I don't find somebody?" 

"Perhaps they're looking for you." Your fingers run gently through his hair, and he hums at the soothing sensation. His breath smelled strongly of alcohol. You weren't surprised he was drinking. Roger had a minor drinking problem that coincided with his love of partying.  "Come on, let's get you up and into bed." He groans like a child, but you manage to get him to his room and put him down. "I should go home now, but I'm always around to talk. Okay?” 

“Stay,” he says. “What?” you ask, genuinely confused. “I- I can fix up the extra room if you want. I just don't want to be alone. Please don't leave me.” the desperation in his voice brings tears to your eyes. The room was far too dim for him to see. 

“I’ll stay. Roll over," you say. You lie down behind him as he rolls onto his side. You spoon him gently from behind, and he melts into your embrace. “Get some sleep, okay?” Roger gives a nod. You exchange a quick 'goodnight' before he drifts off to sleep. But you stay awake, staring into the back of his head as tears well up in your eyes with the fear of being only seen as a friend. Read Chapter Two -> Here

#roger taylor fanfic #roger taylor fanfics #roger taylor fanfiction #roger taylor #roger taylor queen #roger taylor queen band #roger meddows taylor #roger meddows taylor queen #queen band #queen fanfiction #queen fandom #roger taylor fandom #rogertaylordrummer #fanfiction #queen #queen band fanfic #friends to lovers #friends to lovers fan fiction

[arthuristhetargetdog]

Hi! I really loved your fics with arthur and john and was wondering if you could do something angsty for sean? Lately I’ve been really into traditional Irish songs and found myself imagining him humming some sad Irish ballad that reminds him of home (having drunk of course, 'couse i feel like only then he lets his guard down enough to allow himself to be sad) and Y\N, having accidentally heard it, tries to comfort him? Thank you soooo much if you actually decide to write this! Sending lots of love!

Pairing: Sean MacGuire x gn!reader | SFW

CW: Intoxication

Word Count: ~ 478

Summary: Y/n, new to the group, has never seen anyone really show any emotion, besides maybe anger and happiness. But when they find Sean during a dark time, they realize that the group is more than just their stealing and killing.

First off, I apologize for this being written so late, a lot of stuff has happened, and I just forgot to finish this, for that, I am sorry. I am very appreciative of your request annon, I hope you enjoy it!... Also, I have to be honest, I am not one to write angst very well, I tried but I'm pretty sure this came out more fluffy than angsty.

The night was full of celebration. Drinking, chanting, dancing, and singing the night away was rare for the Van Der Linde gang, but always mandatory after a big win.

You step away from the fire and walk into the woodland area. You are always the life of the party, but being so can wear you out. As you lean against the tree, you hear the quiet, somber hums of a song you weren't familiar with coming from someone.

Knowing that the noise wasn't coming from the commotion of the camp, you go deeper into the small forest, following the hums. Only when you saw the familiar hair under a certain hat did you know who it was.

"Sean? Is that you? What are you doing out here?"

The hums stopped immediately. Sean turns and faces you, the brim of his bowler hat covering his eyes. He's sporting a bottle of beer in hand, of course.

"Oh hey, Y/N." He drags on. His words are a bit slurry, but you don't recall seeing him drink till drunk.

"What are you doing out here all by yourself? I pegged you for the standing on tables and dancing kinda guy."

Sean shrugged and turned away from you, his head hung low to his bottle. You wanted to know what was going on inside of his fuzzy head. You reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, coming in closer.

"Hey...you wanna tell me what you were humming earlier?"

Sean huffed a short chuckle and shook his head,

"'Twas nothin' really. Jus' somethin' my da' used to sing sometimes... kinda reminded me 'a home, ya know? Before all 'a this..."

A hiccup comes from his mouth. You've never seen anyone in the group like this, let alone Sean of all people. You know what it's like losing your home, you feel Sean's pain and you want to take it away.

You move your hand from his shoulder and snake your arm around his back, you hand pressed on his waist. Sean looks over to your hand before truing back to you. He's tearing up.

You bring your other arm up, cupping his cheek in the palm of your soft hands, using your thumb to rub away the tears rolling down his drunk flushed cheeks.

"I know how you feel...Losing people you love, it's never pretty...You don't have to hide what was from me, I'll listen to whatever song comes to your mind."

Sean leans his head in and rests it in the crook of your neck, you rest your head on top of his. Low hums start to emerge and you close your eyes as you focus on them.

You don't know if you'll ever see Sean so vulnerable again, but this moment is enough to see that this gang, Sean, is more than just stealing, killing, and drinking crooks.

#rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 x reader #gn reader #sean macguire #rdr2 x gn reader

[thelostgirl21]

So, guess who ended up watching the whole "Jobriath A.D." documentary, crying her eyes out over a guy singing about Sunday Brunch in his pyramid, and making a whole video dedicated to Jobriath and Hugh's performance as Radovid?

Actually, I also made another version (unlisted) for those of you that are already familiar with the artist, and might want to enjoy some of his music and the visuals without being distracted by the text at the bottom:

But yeah, I'm kind of so sad and upset that I never got to know about him before (given how huge of a fan of David Bowie I've been since my teenage years), and that the gay community totally failed to support him, back then.

I mean, I'm not blaming them. We've had the same issue with feminism where we used to make it all about women assuming more traditional men roles; until we finally realized that it was just as important to give more social value to traditionally perceived feminine qualities, traits, interests, and professions - in men, women, and any other gender, really - as well!

So, I can recognize that the gay community attempting to distance itself from the whole "flamboyant fairy" image likely came from the rest of society attempting to reduce them to it (among others), and creating some kind of convenient "right" vs "wrong" way to be gay narrative (a divided minority is much less powerful and loud than a united one).

Even today, we are facing a similar issue with some members of the LGBTQ+ community claiming to be part of the "LGB" without the "TQ+".

Note: the "B" of that "LGB" is often barely tolerated as a "temporary transitional phase", though; a "stepping stone" towards either the "L" or "G", or a return to being "straight".

Ultimately, it's about our survival instincts making us fear losing the relative safety we've acquired by being positively accepted and valued by those that hold the most power.

i.e. The "TQ+" is too controversial and different from the cisgender monosexual majority to be readily accepted?

Well, let's distance ourselves from it to keep us "LG"s safe, then!

While, of course, reassuring the dominant majority that the "B" will eventually choose a side, so its okay to let them come along while they are still "searching themselves". No worry! We're still as "normal" as you are!

It's all very, very binary.

No, it's not. The world is filled with beauty, diversity and nuance...

And sadly, by rejecting a part of our collective identity to better "fit in", we are sacrificing a part of our very own soul and culture. We are hurting ourselves and giving up power, not acquiring it.

So yeah, I'm not "blaming the victims" by accusing the gay community of any intentional wrongdoing back then, but JFC! It hurts.

It really hurts that he didn't receive comfort, love, and support from his very own people, at the very least, when the mainstream audience lashed out at him.

Yes, the publicity and the hype built around him made everything worse and gave off the wrong image (he probably came off as being a bit of a "self-absorbed prick", rather than someone in a position of great vulnerability), but they freaking ate him alive out there!

And he deserved better not because he was incredibly gifted and talented, but because he was a freaking human being.

What his talent and giftedness had to offer us was a voice, though, that we allowed to be silenced, and the world and our culture became lesser for it.

Jobriath did pave the way for others to then succeed, but I'm against the idea that someone needs to fall and sacrifice themselves so that others may rise. Yes, it happens, but it shouldn't have to.

I don't believe for one second that it is or was ever necessary.

But if it does happen, then yes, I say make it count for something, at the very least!

So, maybe that's why I'm so touched by the fact that Hugh listened to his music and drew inspiration from it while portraying his character.

40 years after his death, you now have a young openly gay actor being offered the role of an openly gay prince (that later becomes king) on a major fantasy show that isn't specifically about LGBTQ+ themes (like, say, "Sense8" could be considered to be), who is listening to Jobriath's music to help him connect with, build, and embody his character.

And, while I am genuinely glad that some artists are doing covers of his songs (ex: Adam Lambert with "Imaman") and bringing people's attention towards his work...

In Hugh's case, I think that what I find really touching is the fact that there's an element of "practicality" to it, if I'm making any sense? A connection that seems to be more internalized / intimate between the two artists...

Art is a means of self-expression, and sometimes you are trying to express a message, an emotion, or an idea that you wish to share with others in the world, and allow it to take a life of its own.

So, it's like the music Jobriath created - that little part of himself and the things he wished to communicate with the world that he left behind - is being listened to and welcomed by Hugh, and then combined with his own creative sensitivities to be integrated within a theatrical performance.

The spirit of what was initially shared lives on, while evolving and taking on a new form that will then go on to connect with people in a different way.

It's not so much about celebrating the songs themselves and paying tribute to the artist's work by covering them, but becomes about honoring the artist's spirit and the emotions, themes, ideas, etc. those songs were covering.

And I am genuinely not saying that one way of connecting with the artist's work or expressing appreciation for it is better than the other, not at all.

Just that as a non-professional artist myself, the idea of leaving anything behind that would have the power to touch a fellow artist's soul, help them grow as a performer, and continue to express and explore certain themes that I personally connected with at that time in my life - even if I would no longer be there to personally guide them - would be incredibly moving and make me feel like art really has the power to transcend boundaries and even death itself.

Because Jobriath's songs tackled issues related to identity, gender, relationships and self-discovery, among others...

And Radovid, as a character, is very gentle...

He's sensitive, empathetic, boyish, openly admits to being scared, freaking huddles himself in a corner to cry when he finds out his guards have been slaughtered...

I mean, when it comes down to it, all Radovid really wanted, this season, was a pretty song and someone to love and belong with...

Someone that could see him as he really is, and see some value in who he is, too...

So Jaskier, sweetheart, listen to Milva...

Because, let's be honest, you're a bit useless in the whole "rescuing Ciri" venture. I mean, you're not useless now, since Geralt is still recovering from his physical and emotional injuries, does greatly benefit from having his emotional support bard around, and you're not quite entirely done holding out interviews to find him new useful companions to watch after him and help him on his quest (don't think I didn't notice what you were doing with Milva!)...

But ultimately, this is going to involve a lot of fighting, and that's not where you're at your strongest.

However, there's a King in need of some serious rescuing, too, that could really use your wits, ability to know, influence and inspire people, and your Sandpiper connections.

You're not a hammer, you're a fellow spoon, luv; and the whole mess that Radovid has been thrown into is a situation that would most definitely requires two spoons, at the very least!

Thankfully, you've already proven that you know how to make two spoons work together very well, and become an effective weapon to annoy the hell out of those trying to keep people trapped!

You and Radovid pooling your own respective resources and joining forces together?

Philippa and Dijkstra would be so fucked... So, so fucked... And not in the "fun way".

So, as soon as Geralt has sufficiently recovered and has enough people with him to watch his back out there, get back to Radovid ASAP and get your whole "spooning thing" on, alright?

Fair warning: He might specifically need a big spoon to help dig him out of the whole mess that's threatening to bury him alive right now... Just saying!

Anyway, getting sidetracked again!

I guess my point is that Radovid is displaying the kind of emotional intelligence, insightfulness, and empathetic qualities that are more traditionally associated with feminine characters.

And that, if they are to ever make him rise to a position of great power within the kingdom, the worst possible thing Netflix could do is probably make him lose those qualities.

If princesses, in fantasy, have been allowed to gain power and become beloved queens through their compassionate and nurturing nature, their ability to genuinely care about the fate of every living person (and even creature) on their land, and "triumph over evil" by building mutually beneficial alliances with said people and creatures, so should a freaking gentle and sensitive gay prince, I say!

There really is no need to "harden Radovid", and change the very core of who he is just to "give him power".

To have him become more confident and assertive in who he is and what he can do, absolutely!

But using his trauma as an excuse to make him become some kind of angry, "tough", paranoid, uncaring and controlling leader? No.

Especially in a context where Radovid is a character that people are expecting to become hard and cruel because of his videogame counterpart, please be brave enough to completely defy those expectations by letting him be his own person!

Because Netflix's version of Radovid, thus far, is a superb example of queer representation done right, too.

And I'm going to attempt to phrase that as best as I can, so hopefully what I'm saying won't be misunderstood, but having a queer actor portray a queer character does offer an added layer of authenticity to the role.

Don't get me wrong, I'm far from opposed to the idea of having straight actors portraying certain queer characters in a context where gay, bisexual, pansexual, etc. actors are also being offered straight roles.

I'm a huge fan of Malec (the pairing of Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood), and I think that Harry Shum Jr. and Matthew Daddario did an amazing job portraying a very realistic and domestic relationship between a bisexual man and a gay man.

They both approached the roles with lots of humility, openness, asked for the queer community's guidance and feedback on their portrayal of the relationship (the fact that some of their fellow cast members on the show are queer IRL - including Nicola Correia-Damude, that portrays Maryse Lightwood - likely helped), etc.

And, when it came to filming scenes requiring to show a lot of love and intimacy between their two characters, they didn't hold back, either.

So, I do think that you can definitely be straight IRL, and feel confident enough in your own sexuality and in who you are to explore and embrace other orientations through your acting.

Not to mention that having such actors show that they aren't afraid to portray queer characters on TV, and to openly support and associate with the LGBTQ+ community, is setting a positive example for other cisgender straight people out there.

It kind of goes to show that, just because one is exposed to diversity when it comes to love, romance and sexuality, it won't magically "turn them gay".

Because, trust me, if Matthew Daddario didn't magically "become gay" after all those steamy kisses and emotionally/physically intimate scenes he had to film with Harry Shum Jr., likely nothing will!

And most bisexuals I've personally discussed the character of Magnus Bane with did feel like he was an accurate representation of their own sexuality.

Just like, as a panromantic and pansexual person, I'm 100% "vibing" with Joey Batey's portrayal of Jaskier.

I have no idea what Joey's actual sexual orientation is, or why he decided to explore pansexuality with his character before they made it official, but I feel like "he gets me".

Even his decision to make Jaskier become specifically romantically attracted to the way he perceives Radovid's intellect (sapioromantic) - and swoon over how intelligent and insightful he is on screen - is something that I can viscerally connect with, since I'm personally exclusively romantically and sexually attracted towards geeks.

If you were to pay attention to the way I'm looking at my partner dungeon mastering a D&D game, you'd think I was watching him perform a freaking striptease! It's uncanny!

So, even if Joey was to tell me that he is straight, I'd be more than fine and happy to have my own romantic and sexual identity be represented by him. I feel like he truly "gets me", regardless of whether it's from personal experience, or because of his own ability to put himself in other people's shoes and intimately connect with their reality.

It's just that, in Hugh's case, knowing that he is gay, and that the role has a personal significance for him, offers another layer of appreciation for the character and the actor's performance.

He just seems to be so happy to be living at a time and age where you can get that kind of representation in a major fantasy show - where you can have queer characters that are complex, fleshed out, and not reduced to mere stereotypes - and to be given the chance to be a part of the people that are making it happen, that you can't help but feel it, too.

It almost makes me wonder if they cast Hugh Skinner specifically because they knew how different from the videogames their version of Radovid was going to be, and they needed someone that would look like he has such a wonderful time with this role, and is so grateful to be there and be given the opportunity to play him, that hating on the character would literally feel like kicking a puppy!

Me: I don't think I could ever feel as protective over a fictional character as I feel about Jaskier.

Hugh Skinner: Hold my - I mean Jaskier's lute, I've got this!

Me: Ah, crap. Here we go again...

And the sad part is that, back when the whole controversial romance between Radovid and Jaskier was planned and filmed, no one had any idea that it would be Henry Cavill's last season.

But now, they bascially introduced a version of Prince Radovid that is the polar opposite of what the writers of "The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt" came up with, and paired him up with a character that has never been established as being queer in the books and the videogames (Jaskier)...

...right at the height of the angry toxic gaming community's "let's all assume that Henry Cavill is leaving because of the showrunner's blatant 'woke agenda', and all of these outrageous changes that were made to the source material the games (ex: OMG! They decided that a splendid full-figured black woman could fit the book description of "Margarita Laux-Antille emerged from the pool with a splash.. Ciri could not stop herself from taking a peek. She saw Yennefer in the nude many times and she didn't think anyone could have a more beautiful figure. She was wrong. At the sight of a naked Margarita Laux-Antille even marble statues of goddesses and nymphs would sob with jealousy"... HOW DARE THEY?!?!?!), and call for the boycott and cancellation of the series" movement!

Do you guys ever wish that the LGBTQ+ community had some kind of huge "bat signal" to let fellow queers - that, in this more specfic case, haven't seen "The Witcher" yet - know that there's this absolutely amazing queer romance happening on a show that totally deserves their love and attention?

And that said queer romance could really use their love and attention right about now - and throughout the next season - if we've any hope that the show will keep on running and remain popular for as long as humanly possible, given that it has just lost its biggest star (that was playing the main character, no less), and there's a bunch of people that have decided that they would no longer be watching it because of that.

Somehow, I'm just heartbroken over the prospect of the show not having the chance to really further develop Jaskier and Radovid's stories (both their romance, and each individual character's journeys), and the actors not having the chance to fully really portray and develop them.

Radskier is basically "Malec material" being introduced in a show that has a disproportionately high number of angry right-wing ideologists and incels gamers "fans" that are dedicating entire YouTube channels to trying to punish the TV show for daring to have a more inclusive cast and broader view of beauty standards than its videogame counterpart, and making a womanizer keep the same impulsive drive to love and sexually connect with a bunch of different people he becomes spontaneously enamored with, but without said sexual drive being motivated by them being women.

And bits and pieces of that narrative is bleeding into the more moderate audience, without realizing how problematic or nonsensical some of them are at their core.

I wish there was some kind of "Malec fans hotline" you could call to say "Guys! I know this may not be your usual TV show genre, but there's something exceptionally good happening right here that you need to come and checkout! You have two lovers from two different worlds experiencing an instant soul-deep connection in one of the most adorable "meet awkward cute" of TV history. And that connection throws one of them a bit out of a loop, because he's never romantically fallen in love before (he's greyromantic)... And one of them is expected to basically sacrifice all of his own wants and needs to honor his duty, because he was born into a highly regarded and powerful royal family... And he initially tries to conform to his family's expectations, but realizes that it is not who he is... And there's this situation where he keeps some information from the man he loves, and the other realizes it, he becomes scared that he made a mistake trusting him and pushes him away... But then..."

How do we get the audience that is usually into these types of stories to migrate towards "The Witcher"?

*Heavy sigh*

But yeah, all I hope is that Liam Hemsworth's performance as Geralt will be well-received, and that the show will be deemed successful enough for Netflix to continue investing in it so that these storylines and characters will be given the chance to continue to grow and develop...

#Jobriath #Hugh Skinner #Radovid #Radskier #Jaskier #The Witcher #My Posts #My Thoughts #My Stuff #My fucking feels! #All of them! #Videos

[starsarefire824]

Just read the latest chapter and must I say I'm excited we made it to the New York arc (also excited to see the chapter count go up lol)

I really like how your version of Mike is less cagey when it comes to Will. Like if Will asks a question, Mike tries his best to answer, even when he is conflicted about it, compared to how he just doesn't do that for Troy until it's time for them to address his connection towards Will.

Can't wait to see how Will coaxes Mike outta his guarded state of mind/self-esteem issues while they're in nyc. Will has sooo much patience and I think you captured Will's grace that's in canon when it comes to Mike's flaws. Also happy to see Mike having his trip cuz he was so geeked about it in earlier chapters which was so cute for his usually stoic bad boy persona.

Was wondering if Mike didn't have either Troy or Will, would he be more self-destructive? Or would it be fairly the same since Max is there?

Hi dear Lex!

I'm glad you enjoyed the latest chapter. I have to say, getting to NYC after all this time feels like the ultimate feat so I am so happy ngl! The next chapter taking place in NYC I am very excited for.

I'm so emotional over the fact that you like that little aspect of Mike in Demons. I feel like that's very intentional on my part. Like we see Mike try so hard with other people, successfully in some ways with Max and maybe less so with Troy (not that he doesn't want to, just that they both have trouble finding the ways how because of their trauma) But in all of those instances he seems to instantly put up walls, to play things off, to deflect, to turn things around on the other person.

Where as with Will, for whatever reason, we see that he is unable to do that most of the time. Even when he's trying to lie, he isn't always successful at it.

And we see him deflect: say things like "don't worry about it" and Will can see right through this. Which in turn, I think, catches Mike off guard, and forces him to be vulnerable. Because Will will always be asking him the tough questions. Because, he's the first person in his life who's not afraid of the answer, the first person in his life who doesn't let him get away with it. And no matter how much Troy and Max love him, they still allow Demons' Mike to get away with not letting people know him, with refusing to be vulnerable. With sinking into the who he's been told he'll be.

I think, deep down, Mike wants that with Troy. And I personally think that there are small moments where the two of them reach that, but I also think that Mike is at this point in his life where he wants that with a partner from the get go, and all the time. Mike wants someone who's going to challenge him in the way he needs, and make him grow as a person, even if it fucking hurts. And Will is exactly the person who is providing that.

HAHA, I too, am totally in love with Mike just like fan-girling over going to NYC as if he's an 11 year old about to meet the backstreet boys. I think he is just so desperate to get out of Hawkins and experience something new, away from the people he thinks he needs to be away from, that he would have taken that offer, even if it was the devil himself.

The only thing is......it's Will Byers who's offered and I don't know, what teenager wouldn't say yes to their crush asking them to the city w/o parental supervision? To disappear into a city where no one knows him? I think that would be hard to pass up.

I think the thing of "not being known there" will be a huge thing for the boys in NYC, especially for Mike.

Hmmm, I think if Mike didn't have Troy or Max with everything that happened to him in this story, he'd be more self-destructive. I mean, like he admitted, it's almost a mystery that he'd even still be alive. I think maybe the jumping he talks bout, might have already come to fruition. WHICH IS SO SAD. T-T

I also think that maybe his relationship with Richards would have been even more dependent and fucked up? I think Troy is the person that grounds him in that, and without them having that special connection and protection and understanding from both of them, I think that without the other neither one of them would have made it to the age we see them at, 18.

#byler #will byers #troy walsh #stranger things #mike wheeler #demons of change #writing things #lovely asks

[uchidachi]

This is a story about mental illness stigma and DARVO

A few years back, I was crying myself to sleep, as happens when you have bipolar depression, and simultaneously being angry at myself for crying, as also happens when you have bipolar depression. So I swore to myself that I would not subject anyone, especially a future partner, to dealing with my crying. I made a deal with God that I would only bother a partner with my sad feelings every ninth time I cried. Even if things were really bad, and I cried every day, that's still only like three days a month they'd have to expend the emotional labor of comforting me, and it was unlikely that I'd ever cry that much, so it would be more like once a month or every other month! that's a pretty good deal when you think about it! I bet there's non-mentally ill people who require more effort!

A while later, I was on new meds and not in a depressive episode, and was in a relationship where I didn't even have to think about the "every ninth cry" rule because I wasn't crying at all! Thanks, Vraylar! Then COVID happened and lots of stress and sadness. And I had to start counting to nine.

And even though it was nothing close to once a month that I allowed my partner to witness my tears, I was never comforted. In fact, his most common reaction to any show of distress was to tell me I was being inappropriate, manipulative, or gaslighting. If I even so much as hinted that it was difficult for me to control my tears because of my disorder, he immediately said I was deflecting and making excuses for my bad behavior. One time he heard me crying myself to sleep in the other room when it wasn't one of the ninth times, and later accused me of doing it to hurt him. (He didn't know about my rule, but I kept to it anyway)

In hindsight, this was obviously DARVO. For YEARS I made a lot of excuses for his behavior, and many people can fall into that trap, but (and this is the reason I'm telling you this story) I realize now that I was especially vulnerable because I had, on a subconscious level, already bought into the notion that my tears were bad, and that my mental illness was something that was more harmful to others than myself. Anyway, I write this mostly because I sit here now feeling stupid AND crazy so don't be stupid like I was.

If anyone ever tells you your tears are manipulative, kick them to the curb, they are undeserving of your love.

#mental illness #bipolar #darvo #depression #mental illness stigma

[musicallisto]

i would like to reiterate that nina zenik and matthias helvar are the only reason i am still sane and capable of human emotion

#i don't think i have yelled enough about them. have i yelled enough about them? #THEIR INDIVIDUAL PERSONALITIES #THEIR CHARACTER GROWTH #MATTHIAS (DEROGATORY) MADE ME GO THROUGH A ROLLERCOASTER OF EMOTIONS IN THE BOOK AND I HAVEN'T RECOVERED. #AND NINA IS TOO POWERFUL AND SO STRONG AND AMAZING. I CAN'T DEAL. #she reminds me so much of me. i don't think i have actually elaborated on why i love nina so much. #she's so unapologetic. loud obnoxious and confident. she's brash funny and flirty. she makes jokes and she's exhausting. #she's everything that i am. or that i at least wish to be. #and oftentimes this type of character is The Best Friend. you know? the one who drags the Plain Main Character to parties and stuff #and doesn't have a life outside of being The Sidekick. doesn't get a character arc or much depth... #and all my life reading ya lit i was convinced that brash girls are the Best Friend and nothing more. #they are the lively counterpart to a timid main character and only ever serve the purpose to be their crutch. and give them cool outfits. #so all my life i thought i was the sidekick in my own life; i was second best in my own skin #but then nina came and the way she was handled - not like a side character here to assist the heroine and disappear #but as a HEROINE herself. as a MAIN character. with flaws and development and a romance subplot #and i just saw so much of myself in her personality and went hey! i can be badass too! i'm not a crutch! to anyone! #also i am kind of confined to this role of the Happy Friend. you know? super hyper and enthusiastic and hilarious. #and i'm not really allowed to be sad. or vulnerable. it's others who count on me for me to cheer them up not the other way around #(and also why i'm absolute shit at expressing affection in a serious heartfelt manner but whatever) #and that sounds more like jesper and i resonate with jesper as well but #nina being a girl + all the random little things about her #(her sweet tooth and appetite; the fact she's v good with languages) #(how she's curvy as well which made me feel better about my body - and im literally skinny so yay beauty standards) #(how she likes blond men AGAINST HER WILL (it's too funny)) #i just love her. that's all #shadow and bone #six of crows #nina zenik #clara tais toi #helnik

[hallelujahmeatgod]

"Do you want to talk about it?"

KEN "DRAKEN" RYUGUJI X READER

+word count: 1580

+warning/s: cursing

+genre: kinda fluff, kinda comedic

"He's in his room and he haven't left that damn room since he arrived"

"He didn't even spare a glance around like he'd usually do, he just went straight to his room. He'd usually help around first before disappearing in there"

You nodded in understanding, looking around the brothel which just opened a few minutes ago.

The people at the brothel called you out of concern for Draken, saying he's been moody and not his usual self. They asked you if you know as to why he's acting the way he is but you haven't got a clue yourself. Quite frankly, you haven't seen Draken yourself for a few days since you've been taking care of family matters.

They asked you to come by since you haven't been in the brothel for quite a while, also to talk to Draken since none of them wanted to deal with him.

"I honestly don't have a clue, but I'll try talking to him. I tried asking Mikey about it but that kid isn’t any help either" You replied, giving them a soft smile for reassurance.

You asked Mikey about Draken before you went to the brothel but that kid just gave you a petty answer, so you're convinced that they're not the bestest of friends right now.

"Honestly, what would we do without you? Anyway, go and talk to his moody ass cause he's getting a little annoying for our liking. Then when you guys are done come out here and let's catch up and eat the snacks you bought!"

You nodded and made your way to his room. Thankfully he didn't lock his door so you were able to just enter. You were expecting to see him splayed on his bed or be working out but he's nowhere to be seen.

"Ken" You called out softly. No reply.

You set your school bag on the ground and walked further into his room. Just when you're about to walk past the bathroom you hear water gently splashing a bit inside.

You slowly opened the door and there he was in the tub, head resting back on the tub facing the ceiling, with his eyes closed. You can tell he's not relaxed at all because of the tensed muscles on his arm and his furrowed brows.

"That tub looks relaxing yet there you are still looking like you're about to fight someone" You said to get his attention. You leaned on the door frame as his eyes shot open.

"Y-Y/n" He said, looking a bit surprised, sitting up straight from the tub.

"Ken" You gave him a small smile.

"What are you doing here?"

"Am I not allowed here anymore?" You asked not too seriously.

"You are. You always are. It's just that you seem busy these days" He looked down at the water.

"I'm sorry for not being around, Ken" You gave him an apologetic look.

He shook his head lightly, still looking down at the water. "No need, I understand"

You stayed silent and just observed him. How he's looking intensely at the water, that you swear he could probably boil that water right now just by staring at it. How he's muscles are still nowhere near relaxed. How his breathing isn't steady. How his brows are still furrowed. And how his lips pout a little bit.

You pushed yourself from the door frame, walked up to him and crouched down beside the tub so that you're eye level with him.

"Ken, what's troubling you?" You asked, putting your hand on his nape and caressing it.

He slowly looked at you, looking vulnerable. A sight no one often gets to see, even you. It honestly pains you a little to see such a look from such a strong, stern man who's always got his composure.

He sighs, leaned over the tub and drops his head on your shoulder. "I-I... I'm just not that okay nowadays. I don’t even know anymore.” He admitted.

You hummed in understanding, caressing his nape all the way to his hair, pulling his hair tie to let his hair loose. You ran your hand through his hair, untangling some knots, and for the first time since you saw him he relaxed. You saw his shoulders drop slowly as he let out a breath.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"There's just so many things bugging my mind. Life here in the brothel, the gang, and other things. It's just one of those phases wherein everything dawns upon you" He sighs, lifting his head just to hide it on the crook of your neck.

"I texted Mikey before going here and he just gave me a petty reply. That also bothering you?" You asked, massaging water on his head to hopefully help him cool down.

"Yeah, we ended up arguing cause he’s not in a good mood and so am I. It's all just chaos in my head right now really" He groans, lifting his arms from the tub and wrapping them around you. You're a little soaked now but you didn't mind, all that matters is him.

He hugged you tighter and tighter until you guys were literally flushed against each other, soaking you more.

"I'm sorry, it's just that I badly wanted to just go to you, to seek refuge in you and just to lay and hold you like this, to calm my mind. But I knew you were dealing with family stuff and that it means a lot to you, so I just bottled it all in."

"It's okay" You pulled away just enough to see his face. You held his face in your hand and caressed his cheeks. "I'm sorry I wasn't around. But now I'm here, you don't have to go through such tough times on your own. It’s okay to feel sad sometimes, just take your time, I’ll wait for you'' You smiled, making him smile. You kissed the corner of his mouth making him roll his eyes. He pulled you on a proper kiss, sighing against your lips.

"Thank you" He said when you pulled away. "Thank you for always being by my side and showing me affection even though I tend to suck at it and sharing my feelings. Just how would I repay you"

"Repay me by relaxing properly, dropping the attitude towards other people, and reconciling with Mikey" He groaned at the last part which made you chuckle.

"What? You'd be doing the gang a favor if you take the initiative, Ken. We all know Mikey wouldn't dare do it, and the longer you guys aren't besties the more agonizing it'll be for the rest of the gang. Imagine the captain and the vice captain being petty, ugh, I already feel bad for all of them" You said humorously, making him pull away completely and sit back on the tub as he pouts.

"I'm always doing it." He pouted even more.

You chuckled, ruffling his hair. "You know Mikey can be an extreme kid when he's not beating up someone."

"Why do I always have to be the bigger person?" He said under his breath.

"I mean you are 6'1 and Mikey's only 5'3"

"You're lame" He immediately countered before laughing lightly, making you laugh too. If being lame means you'll get to hear this giant laugh, well maybe being lame isn’t too bad.

"IS THAT THE GIANT'S LAUGH THAT I HEAR?!" You heard someone say from the outside. Suddenly the door burst open revealing Remi.

Draken rolled his eyes, flipping her off and she flipped him off too.

"Now that the giant doesn't seem like an asshole anymore Y/n let's go and catch up!" She grinned, pulling you up and out of the bathroom, not giving you time to reply.

"Hey! You can't just take her away!" Draken protested, standing up from the tub quickly wrapping his towel around his waist.

He grabbed your wrist and pulled you, restricting Remi from pulling you away. He and Remi immediately looked at each other with daggers as they kept on pulling you. At this point they could definitely cut your body in half.

"Well I already am, what are you gonna do about it?" Remi spat.

"Umm….Pull her away from you? You midget" Draken spat back but more calmly, which is honestly annoying. It's always the most annoying when people talk back in a calm manner...or is that just me?

"At least I'm not as moody as you. You act way worse than a woman on her period or a pregnant lady!"

They went back and forth with you still in between them. For every comeback they kept on pulling you.

"OKAY! Kindly shut the fuck up you two?" You smiled sarcastically at both of them, pulling your arms from them. They both pouted and huffed like little kids, turning away from each other.

"I'll go with Remi now since it has been a while since I saw them." You said, making Remi light up and Draken give you an offended look.

"WHAT--" Draken was about to protest but Remi burst into laughter pulling you to the door. You shrugged at Draken as he gave you a narrowed look and mouthed "traitor"

"Oh-- and when you're done, change the bulb in the lounge room, jerk!" She stuck her tongue out.

"Seriously, when will I ever catch a break-- you know what? Just get out you two!" He groaned, making you and Remi laugh.

#tokyo revengers imagines #tokyo revengers #tokyorev #tokyo revengers draken #tokyo revengers x y/n #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers fluff #draken ryuguji #draken #draken tokyo revengers #tokyo manji revengers #ken ryuguji #ken ryuuguji x reader #ken ryuuguji imagines #ken ryuuguji fluff #ken ryuuguji x you #draken x reader #draken fluff #draken fanfiction #tokyo revengers fanfiction #tokyo rev x reader #tokyo rev fanfic #tokyo rev x you #tokrev #anime imagines #anime fanfic #anime x reader #draken x y/n #tokyo manji gang

[honeycomb-cinammonroll]

SHE - L.E

SUMMARY: Through the years (Y/N) has fallen in love with Lily Evans while she falls for James Potter.

PAIRING: Lily Evans x femSlytherin!reader.

WORD COUNT: 1.7k

WARNINGS: Angst with a sad ending. OOC Severus Snape. Mention of death. I cried while writing this so beware.

✧✧✧

Am I allowed to look at her like that?

Could it be wrong when she's just so nice to look at?

Lily was laying face down in your bed, she wore a long T-shirt that barely covered her thighs, while you changed your outfit. You tried not to look out of respect, however you couldn't help but worry for your sanity. After all, being in love with your best friend meant having to endure looking at her without being able to touch her or kiss her.

If someone asked you when you realized you were completely smitten with the redhead at your side, you would answer in a heartbeat. Fourth year, Slytherin had won the Quidditch cup after a rough game against Gryffindor. All her housemates were booing and yelling, but not Lils, she ran to the other side of the pitch and tackled me in a bear hug.

“What do you think?” You asked her. Lily dropped her magazine on the bed and turned to look at you, her bright green eyes roaming your body as she examined the lime green dress you wore for your friends date.

“Gosh (Y/N) You're such a babe.” You knew she meant it, but not in the way you would've liked. Still you smiled brightly at her. But deep inside you, you longed for the day when those words were more than just friendly, when Lily Evans looked at you with the same adoration and love that you had for her.

And she smells like lemongrass and sleep

She tastes like apple juice and peach

You would find her in a polaroid picture

And she means everything to me

Lily Evans always carried around that peach flavored chapstick everywhere. It was her thing, her perfume was a green apple scent that you gifted her for her birthday, you didn’t know, but she wore it everyday. It made her feel closer to you, her best friend.

You on the other hand were never seen without that muggle camera, your mother had given it to you and you carried it everywhere, most of the polaroids you took were of the daily Hogwarts life, studying at the library, hanging at the Three broomsticks, spending time with Severus and Lily.

The picture you cherished the most however, was a polaroid of the Gryffindor redhead, Lily appeared smiling at the camera, her head tilted a little bit to the right, her hair loose while her eyes were closed, the sunlight couldn’t have been more perfect because it captured her essence brightly.

“Are you ever going to tell her?” Severus asked, clearly annoyed at your lack of bravery and Lily’s obliviousness. You looked at the other side of the great hall, Potter was talking to her happily while Lily rolled her eyes, but you could see the smile that creeped on her lip.

“Let it go, Sev. You and I both know it would only end badly.”

I'd never tell

No I'd never say a word

And oh it aches

But it feels oddly good to hurt

“Merlin, When is he going to give up?” You said, your tone clearly showing how annoyed you were at James Potter, maybe it was the fact that he could express how he felt without the fear of judgment, of losing Lily because he never really had her. But then again, you didn’t have her either.

“I don't know, but he's getting less insufferable. Don't you think so?” You rolled your eyes, Lily was caught off guard by this, you were never one to act that way. If only she knew just how badly you wanted to tell her, show her how you truly felt.

“Are you alright, (Y/N)?” She asked, completely oblivious to the bad feeling that settled into your chest, you got a hold of your books and abruptly stood up. “I’m perfectly fine, I just remembered I have to go and ask professor McGonagall something about that essay.”

With that, you left the library, the tears that rolled down your cheeks went unnoticed by Lily, but not by a certain glass wearer Gryffindor that had been watching you from afar.

She smells like lemongrass and sleep

She tastes like apple juice and peach

You would find her in a polaroid picture

And she means everything to me

You loved to spend your nights on the Slytherin common room, especially when it was cold, you were wrapped around a warm blanket, laying on the love seat while the fire of the chimney brought you comfort, the book in your hand that narrated the love story of two naive teenagers spoke to you.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, (Y/N)?”

“Huh?” You raised your head from your book to look at Lily, she stormed into the empty common room, something she did since both you and Severus were Slytherins and you used to sneak her in. She was just back from her first ever date with James Potter, a few weeks ago she had asked for your opinion on her outfit, and ever since then, you both were drifting apart.

“I asked what on earth is going on with you lately? You haven't spoken to me in three days, you act distant, and all of a sudden James tells me that he thinks you're in love with me!”

You noticed the tears that rolled down your cheeks, your heart was beating so rapidly that you believed it would get tired and stop. “Would it be so bad if I was?” Your voice sounded so vulnerable, broken.

She stood there, just looking at you with her mouth parted, at a loss for words. “Wh-what?”

“You stood from your seat, fully facing Lily, her fiery red hair matched the fire that you felt at the pit of your stomach. “Would you be so disgusted by me if I told you that I love you? That I have fallen for a girl who happens to be my best friend?”

“ (Y/N) I-'' She tried to carry on but you continued talking, getting closer and closer to the girl you loved. “That the reason why I needed space was because i can't stand the thought of you and James Potter because that should be me and-”

This time, it was her who took the next step, Lily got a hold of your shirt and pulled you towards her, the movement so sudden you would have fallen if it wasn't for the pair of hands that held you by the waist.

All your life, you dreamed for the moment your lips met, and now that it was happening, your mind couldn't think about anything but her. Lily Evans tasted just like that stupid peach flavored chapstick, the smell of her perfume was so intoxicating and you felt like you were floating. And at the same time, it was such a bittersweet feeling that was installed on your chest.

Lily pulled apart just as abruptly as she kissed you, both of you had tears in your eyes, she wouldn't even look you when she turned around and without a single word spoken, left, leaving you behind. All you could think was how it was perhaps the ending of your story, one that never even had the chance to begin.

And I'll be okay

Admiring from afar

Cause even when she's next to me

We could not be more far apart

And she tastes like birthday cake and storytime and fall

But to her

I taste of nothing at all

A month had gone by and even if you tried to speak to Lily, she avoided you at all costs, by the second week you had accepted that not only had you lost a friend, you had lost your other half.

So, taking matters into your own hands, you stood outside the Gryffindor common room, trying to ignore the deathly glares you received from the other members of the house.

Once you spotted Lily leaving the common room, you got a hold of her hand. “I have to tell you something.”

All it took was a look into your eyes to know that this was your last chance of making things right between both of you, so she nodded as she said goodbye to Marlene and Alice.

As Lily guided you through the halls and into an empty classroom, you felt your chest tightening once more, what you were about to do had you in tears already. She opened the door and you threw yourself into her arms.

“I love you Lils,” You said, the tears that fell from your eyes right into her shirt were the last thing you worried about, her arms wrapped around your torso and she held you just as tightly.

For a couple of seconds that was all you did, hold each other.

And then you broke apart, looking into those green eyes once more. Shit, maybe green has been your favorite color for all the wrong reasons. You leaned in and pressed a kiss on her cheek. Your hands were intertwined together as you whispered once more. “I love you, Lils.”

“James asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes.”

“I know.”

“Then why did you-” You smiled, although it didn't quite reach your eyes, you promised yourself this was the last time you cried over her. Over something that never happened. “Because, it's my way of saying goodbye Lily, I'm sorry,”

After that day, the world was just a little gloomier, you would find her looking at you during class, cheering from the stands while you played Quidditch, but not once did you allow yourself to look back. Often you wondered if she too had been just as enamored by you as you were with her. Maybe she just couldn't take that leap of faith with you.

Had you known that it would be the last time you'd speak to her, you would have repeated those same three words until it stopped making sense, in the end, Lily Evans died young, and you went on to live with the memory of those piercing green eyes and the taste of that cherry chapstick.

She meant everything to me...

#lily evans #lily evans x reader #lily evans angst #james potter #severus snape #slytherin #slytherin reader #lily evans x fem!reader #angst #harry potter fandom #hp #the marauders #Youtube

[wackybuddiemewbs]

Haven't watched the entire episode yet, just the scenes involving Buck, Chim, and Eddie... and holy smokes, I didn't think we'd have that kind of outcome.

On a side note: Kudos to the actors, they really pulled it off. Kenneth has had me in tears, damn it.

To send this ahead: Chim is no villain or something like that, the man is desperate and even in his desperation made some very valid points that need addressing. Buck was in an impossible situation, caught between two parties, trying to make it work. Even though that meant he may have done harm instead of good, albeit well-intended. And Maddie needs help, and I hope Chim's gonna get her just that.

*takes a deep breath*

That being said, I honestly hope the narrative doesn't just brush the punching off as "that's how guys solve conflicts, so we can all laugh about it later, haha". Because I personally detest this theme - if you can even call it that - wherein physically harming friends (especially male friends) is somehow seen as gratifying, justified, or played for laughs.

We've seen it in Grey's Anatomy plenty of times, we've seen it in so many shows and films that I lost count of it, and I just crave different and nuanced ways to show particularly male characters expressing their emotions. That they aren't only ever reduced to the expression of great emotion via anger and aggression. As though violence is the only language man speaks. And while surely, they are out there, especially the narrative move to then brush it off and play it for laughs is something I find deeply troubling in many shows and films. Because it normalizes such behavior, or even worse, makes it out to be something good.

So I really, really, really hope we see Buck and Chim talking it out, both apologizing for the mistakes made on either side, and then moving on from this. And I hope that we see more nuance narratively in handling that situation instead of e.g. Buck becoming the buttend of jokes about his shiner, Chim getting nicknames revolving around boxing, or whatever else.

Which doesn't mean they can't laugh about it eventually. But I really hope we see them talk about it first. Like, real conversation about how that was a shitty situation for them both. And that it's not only portrayed in such a way that Chim was perfectly justified. Or that Buck is the only one an apology is owed to.

Because no, even if you are desperate, even if your friend did something that pains you emotionally very, very much, violence is not the answer. And I hope the show addresses that tidbit the same way it ought to address that Buck didn't make ideal calls either.

But I cannot overstress enough just how I hate that overused trope of the man not finding any other outlet for his anger, sadness, plainly his emotions, than to physically harm other people. Even more so the people he loves (and who love him).

Especially since I was so happy for a show to highlight men being vulnerable and allowing weakness - and showing the ramifications when you eat it all up until your only outlet, yes, turns out to be anger (see the street fighting arc for Eddie, etc.). So I hope they don't lose that for the sake of the drama or whatever else.

Putting that aside (I seriously loathe that theme, what can I say?), too, my heart goes out to all of them.

I'm curious to see whether we'll get to know how lack of information may mix things up. Buck seemingly knew some things Chim hasn't (including the hospital visit for Jee), but I'm not entirely sure whether Chim and Maddie have told him everything regarding her downward spiral. I'm not even entirely sure he knows she has PPD. Because that may have made him act differently, too. So I would find it narratively interesting to see that unravel a bit more.

It'd draw a nice (albeit bitter) parallel to much of the lawsuit arc, wherein much of the pain was caused by a lack of communication between people, giving room to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. This feels very similar to me here. Just like the callbacks to Buck Begins and Maddie having told Chim about Daniel and the savior sibling issue before telling Buck. It's not the same, but it is interesting that we now have the roles in reverse for Buck and Chim. So I am worried yet excited how that's going to pan out.

Being a Buck fan and a hoe for angst and hurt/comfort, obviously I have been fed (though I was still hoping that it'd be some rando at a scene and not Chimney to punch him - and for Eddie to tend to him on-screen with all of the hearteyes!). And as a Buddie shipper, the balcony scene has been all kinds of delicious, but I'm very interested to see how that works out for him. What it will do to him.

To me, it felt like Buck *thought* he was acting responsibly (as Eddie says, trying to fix things for the people he loves), focusing on supporting Chim and Jee - and helping Maddie by respecting her wish to get time alone. Again, I think much stems from the fact that he thought he had all information, though I'm not entirely sure he does. So to him, it may very well have looked like "okay, my sister just had Jee at the hospital for a little accident, she's upset, and normally, she needs some distance to sort herself out, so I'm going to have her back while she does that". Because he doesn't know what Chim has been seeing. So in the end, he genuinely thinks he is doing the right thing, that he is acting responsibly, that he's having his sister's back instead of relying on her. That it may have different effects (it does), is something that's always easier to see in the retrospective. So there is that. And I hope they make something out of it.

I'm still curious what headspace Buck's going to be in, moving forward in the season. I've rambled in some previous post how I thought he'd be spiraling because of Maddie leaving (not having anticipated to see Chim spiral instead, or that Maddie would call him instead of Chim).

I'm just worried Buck may wear himself (emotionally) thin. He's been worried about Eddie a lot. Now he's worrying about Chim and Maddie and Jee. He's triyng to fix things, he's trying to be there for the people he cares about. And he's brought closer and closer to the realization that he can't fix things, no matter how hard he tries, no matter how well he intends. So being that angst-craving hoe I am, I could see him starting spiraling in a different direction on his own thanks to that experience.

Because this is not about not being able to help other people on the job (as that motivated him to sue). This is about him not being able to help the people he cares about, the people he loves. Which must be a very, very tough blow for him (pun not intended).

As we've seen last season with Eddie getting shot, that sends the boy places. So I'm curious to see whether we're going to witness Buck finding different ways to deal with those troubling emotions, e.g. as a result of his therapy coupled with his character growth, or if he may find himself on a cliff edge emotionally all over again, needing some help, too.

In which case: Eddie to the rescue!

So yeah. Much to think about. Much to cry about. Much to worry about.

This weewoo show is upsetting way too many of my five emotions!

#evan buckley #911 spoilers #911 season 5 spoilers #911 season 5 #evan buck buckley #buddie #the random rambling continues!

[izukuwus]

One Conversation

A/N: day 23 of the Izumonth server collab hosted by Ashi @birds-have-teeth​.

Summary: You have a series of important conversations with your lover, and eventually you both must come to a decision. (god!Izuku x mortal!reader)

Warnings: some suggestive content (nothing explicit)

Word count: 2600+

"I still can't believe you're really okay with this," you murmur, snuggling into your lover's bare chest. "Human's lives are short, you know."

"I know," he sighs. His fingers are wound into your hair, toying with it lazily as he holds you close. "I'm sure about you, though."

You smile fondly, glancing up to his face. It's moments like these, when you can just look up and take him in, that you're truly reminded of the fact that you're dating a literal god. The light of the rising sun casts across his face, giving him a golden, ethereal glow and highlighting the subtle freckles smattered across his cheeks and shoulders. You're never quite sure whether or not the glowing effect is just due to the whole "god" thing, or if it really is a trick of the light in these early mornings with him.

"I guess you are the god of stuff like this, huh," you sigh with a smile. "If anyone knows these things, it would be you."

"Mhmm. I do know, thank you." He pauses. "Honestly, I'm more concerned about whether you're okay with this. I can't give you a normal life, you know."

"Mm, I don't want a normal life if it's not a life I get to live with you," you mumble, inhaling his scent (grass, rain, and something exotic you don't know enough to name) just a moment longer before you finally stand. "Unfortunately, I do need to get up today. Got fields to take care of."

"Do you want any help?"

You smile appreciatively as you wrangle yourself into a shirt. "Only if you wish to give it."

"If I help you, you'll come back to bed with me, right?" he teases with a smile.

You roll your eyes. "As if I could ever say no to you."

"You can, though," he insists. "Whenever you want. Please don't think that just because I'm—"

"It was a figure of speech, Mr. Deity, sir," you tease. "I mean that I don't want to say no to you."

"W-why's that?"

"Because I'm in love with you," you say as if it's the simplest thing in the world. "It's probably stupid of me, because in the end I am just a human, but I can't imagine myself ever feeling this way about anyone else."

Izuku hums, toying with one of the little white flowers in his hair before reluctantly equipping a loose pair of pants you'd bought for him a week or so into this relationship you have. (You'd insisted that it was too distracting for him to be hanging around your fields with everything hanging out while you're trying to work. Izuku still wants to know what else you'd expected from the god of fertility.) "I don't think it's stupid of you at all. Especially not when I'm also in love with you."

You give him a sad smile as you slip your pack onto your back. "Come on. I've got work to get done."

~

Not for the first time, Izuku wonders to himself whether he should ask you. He knows you love him, and he knows damn well he loves you. But he also knows that, eventually, your life will end, and he'll be forced to continue on without you, knowing that you could have led a fulfilling life if he was never in it.

He's measured in the power he uses to bless your fields–subtle as he works, careful to not let on to you how he's ensuring you'll have the best harvest this side of the sea, with plenty of seed left over to replant for free. It's better if you don't notice quite yet–you already hesitate to ask him for anything, even his company, and just once, he wants to do something nice for you, the way you do for him.

But he knows you're not completely okay with your little arrangement. It's in your eyes when you smile at him before changing the subject. It's in how lonely your back looks when you awake before him and begin preparing breakfast, how you occasionally allow the rare tear to slip from your eyes when the two of you are spending a night in each other's embrace.

And yet, no matter what, you won't speak to him about it.

He's considered every possible option for what could bother you so–in the beginning, you were never like this, or at least hid it so well he didn't notice until after he began to spend more time in your home than his. Now, it's rare he doesn't take notice of how bothered you are on any given day, and that saddens him almost worse than the thought of your inevitable death.

Izuku would love to figure it out without words being needed, to be the perfect lover who knows you even better than you do yourself so you never want for anything. But you are a human, and...

He swallows thickly as he returns his attention to your fields. Best not to think on that now.

~

It's not long before it comes to a head, but not on Izuku's word. No, it's you who confronts him. 

"Hey. Are you..." You sigh, setting down the knife you'd been using to carve up some meat. "Are you really sure? About this? About me?"

"Huh? Of course I am. You're a wonderful person, and every day I spend with you is like a dream."

"I just... It's not good to get attached to me. I'm going to die someday, and in relation to your lifespan, it'll be pretty soon."

"What if you don't have to?" he blurts, cursing himself before the words are even out of his mouth.

He's sure there's a better time to be having this conversation. Your hands are slick with meat and chicken blood, with dirt smeared on your face from a long day in your fields, and he's got so much time to wait for, until you're in a suitably neutral mood, until your hands are clean and your emotions are stable and you aren't sounding like you want to cut ties with him for his own sake.

You freeze, staring down at your half-carved bird carcass like it has answers for you. "...what do you mean, Izuku?" Your voice is level, cold in a trained way as you try to feel out what the hell is going on. 

"I mean," he pauses, breathing evenly. "I could–there's a way. For me to give you some of my divinity. You'd have eternal life, I'd be able to take you home to meet my parents. Eventually, you might even get–get devotees of your own. Become a proper deity of something. Maybe of love, I think that would suit you." 

A soft pink dusts your—and, he's sure, his—cheeks at his words. When you speak, your voice still holds that even, detached tone, though he's certain he detects something else there, too. "You could spend your life with me."

He nods. "And yours with mine."

"More life than I ever thought I'd have."

"I could show you every end of every realm, my dear," he says, smoothing a hand over your stomach to pull you into a gentle hug. "More than you thought you'd have, as much as you could ever want."

"...can I have some time to think about it, Izuku?" you ask, armor finally giving way to vulnerability. "I'm thrilled that you'd make such a sacrifice for me, but I... It's a lot, you know? You're offering to... to change something intrinsic to me, in a way. And you'd be giving up so much to do it."

"I've thought about it a lot, [name]. If I'm ever going to make a sacrifice like this, it's going to be for you. Take as much time as you need, love. I don't want you to make this decision quickly, because I know it's a lot, and I don't want you to feel pressured."

You nod, turning back to the meat you were cleaning. "No matter what I decide, you know I love you." It's a statement, clean and simple. He nods. He's never once doubted you, though your admission never fails to leave him shuddering.

Yeah. Love really does suit you best.

~

"I could be using you, you know." The room is silent, pitched dark. Izuku stirs at your words, not quite having been asleep.

"I know you're not."

"But how can you trust me? I'm just some mortal with a farm."

He buries his face into your back. "I want to trust you."

"And if I love someone else?"

"You're allowed to do that."

"You wouldn't be upset?" You pull back, wriggle around until you're looking at him in the poor lighting. Your brow is furrowed.

He sighs. "Of course I'd be upset. But it's your decision to make. Whether you love me, whether you decide to accept what I'm offering you. If you love someone else, it isn't my place to say you can't, my love. I'd be upset, but that's my problem. It wouldn't be fair to make it yours."

"Even if I accepted the divinity you offer me. You'd still allow me to love another."

"You don't, do you?" he says sleepily, brushing hair from your face. "But you can. I’ll be sad, but I won't hold it against you."

"You want to change something intrinsic to yourself to elevate me."

"Think of it like meeting in the middle."

You chuckle softly. "Unbelievable."

"You'll love me, but you won't believe in me. For shame, my dear. For shame." He doesn't have the cognizance to make it sound truthful, eyes threatening to droop shut at any moment. "I've never doubted your love for me, but it seems you doubt my love for you. What do I have to do to prove to you that I love you?"

"I just don't understand why."

"Must everything have a reason?"

You sigh, throwing an arm over him and snuggling up close. "No. No, I suppose not."

With that, you fall silent, and Izuku almost falls asleep.

"...will it change me, to gain this power?"

"Go to sleep, my little rabbit. I can answer your questions in the morning."

Finally, finally, you let him rest. You, however, lay awake for some time longer, mind racing with questions of divinity, of what it would mean for you. When the sun begins to rise, you let your eyes drift shut for a precious few moments of sleep.

When Izuku awakes not long after to find you fast asleep beside him with bags under your eyes, he can't help but feel guilty. Were you up all night thinking about his proposal? If so, there's only one thing to do. He slides out of bed, equips some pants, and sneaks out to take care of your fields while you sleep.

~

Disrupted sleep lasts the two of you only a week, but you're mulling the decision over for far long. A month comes and goes, and then before you know it, it's the end of the season and the beginning of the harvest and you still don't have your answer for Izuku. 

Who can blame you? It's a rough decision, and from what he's told you, there's no coming back from it. You can stay human, and at any time, he can choose to make you into a sort of... half-god, but once he does that, you'll never be human again. Bless Izuku (well, you suppose he is blessed) for never pressing you to actually make the decision before you're ready.

It's not until the harvest is over and you're bringing the bumper crop (always more than enough from your fields, since Izuku came around) into town to sell that you think you've arrived at a decision. Watching people go about their days, the occasional couple arm-in-arm, not to mention the lines of people looking to get into the temple when you pass, you can't help but wonder if you really belong here. Would it be so bad, to not be human? To be something other than mundane? If your worry for your relationship with Izuku is that you are human and he, divine, and he's given you an option to eliminate it entirely, isn't that an option you should take?

Whispers follow you wherever you go. They have for a while now—the mysterious farmer whose fields began to prosper after the loss of their parents, who comes into town to sell crops that are impossibly abundant for having been tended by a single person, impossibly high quality. Last year, shortly after you first met Izuku, a blight ravaged most crops in the area. Yours, however, came in stronger than ever before. You're sure you know the reason—you don't need to leave offerings at the temple, not when Izuku offers his help to you at every turn. But you can hardly explain to the strangers in town that the man who began to speak to you after you were found crying in the temple, at an utter loss for what to do in wake of your parents, turned out to be the very god preceding over all matters of fertility—fertility of seed, of soil, of humanity. You can scarcely sit for a meal at the tavern without feeling pairs of eyes on you.

No, you think to yourself, not being among humanity may not be so bad after all.

With your meal paid for and all your crops for the day sold, with orders for more to bring in on your next visit to town, you pay your dues and find yourself making your way to the temple. Izuku is very busy right now, it being the peak season for him with every farmer or gardener in the area suddenly deciding that now is the time to pay worship and make offerings to the god of fertility for a good harvest. You've considered telling them that it's better to ask for the blessing when planting their seeds, rather than just before harvesting them, but the dirty looks you get when you're recognized make you think twice.

Regardless, you walk into the temple as you are, the lines from earlier in the day having dispersed in favor of spending time at home. It's easy to find the shrine to Izuku, which is currently drowning in offerings, with the odd priest or two stationed nearby to discourage theft of any offerings left at the various statues to different gods around the temple. 

Contrary to those who visited earlier today, you have no offerings to give. All you can do is drop to your knees before the statue and try not to snicker. The statue of Izuku is almost perfect, if not for the fact that the sculptor slightly understated certain... proportions. Not that you could correct said sculptor on that little detail, if you even knew who he was. 

As it were, you're not here to ask for his blessing anyway. You simply figured that it's the fastest method to speak with him, if only for a moment.

"I need to speak to you, when you're available," you whisper in prayer. "I've made my decision."

The wind brushes through your hair for just a moment, and with that, you know he's heard you. You smile, whispering "love you" just loud enough for him to hear. If you're not mistaken, you almost hear him whisper "get home safe" in the wind as you leave the temple in silence.

You cross the temple threshold, smiling as you bring yourself forward and home, to where your world will change. All it’ll take is one conversation.

#my fics #midoriya izuku x reader #izuku midoriya x reader #deku x reader #bnha x reader

[buckyswheezes]

Perfectly Fine (Pt. 8)

Premise: “You know why I don’t like you? It’s because you’re a natural. You’re naturally kind, naturally good-looking; you can wear trash bags and still look perfectly fine. You’re naturally intelligent and excellent in everything you do. It’s like you naturally get what you want, you don’t have to work hard for it. You don’t have to pretend because people naturally like you.”

Or Bucky found out that the new oh-so-perfect Junior Accountant of Stark Industries isn’t as perfect as everyone thinks.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

"Oh my god, y/n! You're so gorgeous!"

"So, Ms. Perfect finally arrived looking more dazzling than ever."

"Y/n, you're about to get arrested 'cause you're killing all the boys in the hall."

You can't even count the number of compliments thrown your way as Wanda dragged you across the floor, past the lavishly-dressed people with champagne in their hands. At the same time, party music blasted through the giant speakers. You smiled and gave whoever complimented you your thanks. You were surrounded by people; all smiling, all are happy, all love you.

You listened to their stories, laughed if it's funny, replied when asked a question, and gave advice when needed.

"You know, I think I'm gonna give him a second chance." One of your colleagues shared. "He seems sincere when he promised he'll make it up to me." Her eyes twinkled in hope.

When she cracked a joke, you laughed.

It was always like that; you listen, you give advice, you encourage -it was never the other way around. You never shared your life's stories; you never cracked jokes. There was never a time when you ranted out your problems to them because what could you possibly say?

"Wanda, guess what? My goddamned mother, who left me when I was 6, married a rich guy! And you know what that filthy witch did? She didn't tell her husband that she has a daughter. Fantastic, right? Then, after all this time she's gone, my runway-model-like sister appeared on my front door and told me our mom wants to see me. You know why? Bingo! 'Cause, she's dying!"

Another colleague of yours arrived and complimented you. You smiled and said your thanks.

"Just like in dramas, right? I'm the cold-hearted child who won't forgive her mom. Well. Yeah, that's me. I'll never forgive her, not in this lifetime."

Another colleague cracked a joke. You laughed.

"Yeah, I hope she dies and suffers in hell."

You continued to smile and laugh with the people around you. They're all happy. Even your selfish, cruel, and hypocrite of a mother became happy with her new family. Why is it as if you're the only one who can't get what you want? Why?

You're surrounded by people, but why do you feel miserably alone?

"You don't look good."

A familiar voice snaps you out of your thoughts. All heads turned towards James, who just arrived, and he stood there; frowning, worry evident in his eyes. He grabbed your hand and pulled you towards him. "If you'll excuse us."

"What's wrong?"

"What do you mean?" You asked back, still wearing your dazzling smile.

"Drop the act, doll."

In a flash, your smile vanished, and for the first time, you let him see how lonely and vulnerable you feel. You didn't care this time.

"How?" You whimpered. "How do you know? How can you see through me?"

And this was the real reason why you hated him; why you avoided him. He could see what others couldn't. He could see that your smiles are fake, that you're troubled, that you're angry, and that you're scared. James Barnes could see why you tried so damn hard to hide and that scared you.

You were scared that if he sees all of it, see you for who you really are; he would leave. But now that he knows, he's still here. Doing things you didn't expect. Doing things you didn't understand.

And when you don't understand something, you get scared.

James' warm hands came upon your face, cupping both your cheeks. The gesture comforted you, and you relished in his touch. Your peace, however, was brief, cut short by the ringing of your phone.

You took a deep breath before answering the call.

"Y/n, please. You don't have to talk to her or anything. Just see mom, please."

"I won't see her. She can die right now; she'll do me a favor if she does that." You spat, and before your half-sister could speak again, you ended the call.

"That was my half-sister. She wants me to go and see the woman who abandoned me."

"Do you wanna see her?"

You scoffed. "Yeah, right."

————

"What the fuck, James! Just what the fuck!"

You let your guard down for one second, and the next thing you knew, James was on the phone with your sister, then your halfway across the city, and now, here you stood, bickering with him in a hospital corridor.

James stared at you intently. It was the look you hated, the look that penetrated through all your lies and pretense. "Tell her anything you wanna say." You glared at him, but he didn't budge. "It doesn't matter what it is; tell her to go die, tell her to fuck herself," He paused caressed your cheek. "Tell her what you want; you owe yourself that."

James reached for your hand and squeezed it tight.

"Whatever it is you tell her, good or bad when you come out of that room, I'll be here for you." He promised, then pulled you into a hug before kissing your lips. "I'll be here."

With trembling hands, you reached for the doorknob and twisted it open. You were going to see the first person who ever left you, rejected you, and abandoned you. You felt a lump in your throat.

Forgive? How do you do that? How can you forgive the person who wronged your entire existence? She was the last person you believed would never betray you, but she did. She broke your trust; she abandoned you. How could you forgive that person? You don't know how.

Funny, you thought you would break down and cry at the sight of your mother; pale, sickly, thin.

The woman opened her eyes, focusing on you. She recognized you. "Do me a favor, y/n. Don't forgive me. Hate me, y/n."

You stepped closer to her. "Why? To calm your twisted conscience? To know that even in your wake, one person is cursing you until' your death; then you'd feel sad and that would make up for the years that you were happy?"

She didn't speak for a while, and when she finally did, she said. "Yes, that's what I want."

"You're really… something." You shook your head in disbelief. "You want me to keep hating you? Sorry, but no. I won't. I won't let you do that to me."

Feeling braver than you've ever felt in your whole life. You reached out and tenderly held your mother's hand.

"Because of you, I was in misery for many years. Because of you, a lot of insecurities ate me. I won't allow you to make me suffer again. I'll be free from all the misery and insecurities your abandonment brought me." You brought her hand to your lips and placed a chaste kiss upon it. "You're not worth my hatred. I won't let you make me feel bad in any way again."

"I forgive you, mom."

You know, with all your heart, that you mean it. You let your gaze linger on her face one last time, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. Finally, you let her go. You turned and walked away without looking back.

You're leaving the person who first left you, and you're embracing the first person to accept you -for who you truly are.

When you opened the door, you saw James standing there, waiting for you like he promised. You walked straight into his waiting arms.

"Thank you."

author's note: This series is ending soon. I wanna thank all of you lovelies for reading my first ever Bucky fic. Don't worry bc I have like a loooooot of fics lined up. Let me know if you wanna be tagged in my upcoming fics. :))

Tag: @crowleyqueenofhell

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky fanfic #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky #james buchanan barnes #au bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfic

[watchinglikeafangirl]

Light on me Ep 5&6

Okay, I think "Light on me" is becomming my most favorite show of the year so far. I love all the characters because they feel so very real. Each of them portray a different kind of personality and their complexity fascinates me. Tae-Gyeong looks like he's so smart with people but at the same time, he - of course - doesn't know more than people show and tell him. This show does such a great job in showing how much and how less we show of ourselves. They are always at school or at least not at each other's homes. They are always outside, so we don't know more private stuff about them than they say and show. We, as the audience, see them through the filter they put on themselves, the filter we are all putting on ourselves. And I find fascinating how authentic it is. It is not weird, we don't know more. Still, we are curious but just up to a certain extent, then there's a line we don't cross and from which we know, is not necessary to cross. Everyone of us has people around them they only meet in explicity one part of their lives like work or school and "Light on me" shows exactly this kind of group of people. Randomly thrown together, getting along very well but not oversharing and only knowing as much about each other as necessary. Is it even necessary to know our surroundings more than what they are around us? I don't think so. And this realism gets to me and my most favourite shows are the ones which are realistic or contain realistic actions and reactions of characters.

Filters

Da-On

When it comes to filters, Da-On is a pretty interesting character. He obviously hides his other emotions behind a smile and doesn't dare showing his weakness.

"I'm a bit distracted right now, so let's talk later. Pretend you didn't just see that."

He always talks nicely, keeps calm and stays friendly no matter what happens. It's his protection but also his greatest weakness, making himself hide even more and feeling even more lost. Even after rejecting a girl who told him to not treat everyone so nicely because it leads to false hope, he continues smiling shortly after. This obviously hurt him and got him thinking but he doesn't dare showing and sharing it. He has to learn vulnerability doesn't equal weakness. But that's a fight he has to have on his own first because that would mean letting his guard down plus not living up to expectations the outside doesn't really have but he has of himself. It's a false picture he draws and I was that kind of person myself and letting go of this is hard but you are rewarded with more love from your friends, so it's really worth it. But yeah, Da-On puts on a smiling filter and switches topics whenever something sad comes up, like his parents.

"I've never been complimented."

He isn't eager to talk about his parents and doesn't like them very much, but he doesn't seem to realize, he's a bit like them.

He doesn't talk about his inside as well, putting up a smile for the world to see and like him.

Shin-Woo

Shin-Woo is putting a filter onto himself as well. He doesn't hate Tae-Gyeong, more like the other way around. But to protect himself from any possible heartbreak, he choses to push Tae-Gyeong away and makes him hate Shin-Woo. This tells us a lot about him being shy and a loner. He's hardly coming out of his shell and has a hard time expressing his feelings. Not like Da-On, he is easy to read for the audience, but harder to understand for Tae-Gyeong. Unlike Da-On who is easygoing, Shin-Woo expresses his thoughts in other, more subtle ways. He hides himself pretty good, because no one knows anything about him, just like no one knows anything about Tae-Gyeong. They are the real mysteries of the show and that's why they like each other. Both are interested in lifting the veil of the other.

Shin-Woo actually takes a step forward later, making Tae-Gyeong understand him better, since he gave signs Tae-Gyeong somehow misinterpreted.

Touches and affection

Da-On

Da-On definetely likes Tae-Gyeong. He always seeks an excuse to touch him.

Tae-Gyeong is mostly flattered by it and also very confused. Even though he says "I can't just be friends with Da-On" he never touches him back.

The feelings are just one-sided here. Tae-Gyeong obviously sees something going on between them, he can't name, but dooesn't really want to have. I still don't quite know what he meant at the end. Yes, it's about him and Da-On being together or nothing at all but Tae-Gyeong coud've meant them ending up being nothing because he rejects Da-On when it comes to a confession. Tae-Gyeong seems to enjoy Da-On's company not in a romantic way.

Shin-Woo

Shin-Woo and Tae-Gyeong make the most progress here. First, they got closer when they were on the phone in the evening, but greeted each other very awkwardly the next day. This week, the touching becomes more and less overthought.

Tae-Gyeong is the first to touch Shin-Woo at a random, mostly out of rage, but it still counts because physical contact is always a sign no matter in which cotext. It always means some interest, if not romantically, then on a friendship-basis. But with people like Tae-Gyeong and Shin-Woo who are both socially awkward and hardly open up to others, touching is a big deal. Like I said, Tae-Gyeong doesn't touch Da-On, which adds even more meaning to him touching Shin-Woo.

Shin-Woo touching Tae-Gyeong willingly has the same amout of meaning. It means he overcomes his fear and acts on his feelings. The jealously mostly lurred him out of his shell, but the motivation doesn't count that much here. After avoiding Tae-Gyeong at first and then being awkward about it, he chooses to be more casual with Tae-Gyeong. He must have come to realize that Tae-Gyeong really doesn't understand him and since he can't just stand by watching Da-On, he stops being mad. I mean, Tae-Gyeong was pretty intimidating in the cafeteria...

"I don't hate you" totally breaks the ice and Tae-Gyeong can see him a bit clearer now. They talk like real high school kids... Nervous and awkward. Tae-Gyeong isn't like this when he's around Da-On. Da-On doesn't make him blush when he's around or let's him forget what sentences are, so he doesn't turn away to flee the scenery. I love Shin-Woo not being any better and even worse at talking to his crush. He's so overwhelmed afterwards.

Conclusion

So this week we discovered the filters all of them put on themselves because that is something humans do to appeal as a socially chameleon. Also, we learned about the importance of touches and how much they mean in real life.

An honorable mention here: I heard at the beginning, when there are scenes with Tae-Gyeong and Shin-Woo, there's light, happy music in the background whereas scenes with Tae-Gyeong and Da-On don't contain any music. But at the end when Tae-Gyeong and Da-On stand outside, there's suddenly music which I'm afraind doesn't verify my theory of Te-Gyeong rejecting Da-On later on...

A last analysis about the scene at the very end because it shows a lot about the characters:

You can see here, Da-On touches both of them but they don't touch him. This underlines how much meaning Tae-Gyeong and Shin-Woo's intentionally touching has. They let others touch them because it would be unfriendly to just deny an older person. Also, Da-On is BETWEEN Tae-Gyeong and Shin-Woo, do I have to say more? And Shin-Woo obviously looks at Tae-Gyeong who looks up to the sky like Da-On instructed, so that's of course forshadowing about the upcoming conflict. We already have this love triangle, so let it play out in the chaotic way it's gonna be.

Yeah, that's it because Tumblr doesn't allow more pictures in one post.

#light on me

[starktonyx]

Unfaithful - Steve Rogers x Stark!reader (part II)

Word count: 3.3k

Description: The aftermath of you finding out your husband Steve, cheated on you.

Note: As you guys requested here is part 2! As you can see I got a little carried away with this (angst warning) but I do like the way it ended up, hope you enjoy.

Part I • Masterlist

Steve knew he had fucked up.

He also knew you would need your space for a few days before he tried to come near you, so he didn't dare to visit Bucky's apartment even if he so desperately wanted to. He did try to call him though, to check on you and his kid, but not even his best friend would answer his calls.

Yeah, that was a bad sign.

So a day went by, quickly turning into two, two became four and all of sudden a week had passed since he had last seen you. Since he had last talked to you, hugged you, kissed you ... fuck how he missed his wife.

If only he hadn't cheated on his wife.

He couldn't focus on anything during those days, the house was way too quiet and instead of feeling peaceful he felt even more lonely. It was weird not seeing James running around the house, not stepping on the toys he spread on the floor, not hearing his laugh ... oh how he missed his kid's laugh.

If only he hadn't failed his kid.

So Steve had enough of swallowing himself on his own pity, a week was enough for him to finally get in his car and try to somehow recover his family.

He had to.

So he soon found himself outside Bucky's apartment, frozen in place when he realized he didn't exactly plan what he was going to say. Of course he could start with saying sorry, but he knew you would only get angrier and you had the right to, because a simple sorry was not enough after what he did.

For a second he thought about just turning around and leaving, he didn't even know if he was going to be able to speak when you were in front of him, but he quickly shook those thoughts away. After all he was the reason you ended in this position, and Steve really needed to see you.

He took a deep breath before raising his hand to knock twice, his heart beat increasing when heavy footsteps approached the door. A pair of angry blue eyes met his as soon as the door opened, and Steve could only feel himself shrink under his friend's aggressive gaze.

"Buck–"

"You're an absolute idiot! actually no, thinking about it you're just a fucking asshole" Bucky spat the words at his friend, although he kept his voice low as to not be heard by little James inside.

"I know that" Steve mumbled, he had expected that reaction from Bucky. Although that didn't stop him from trying to look inside the apartment.

"You seriously messed up this time Steve, I don't even know what you're doing here" He continued, before crossing his arms and standing in the middle of the door to block Steve's view from the inside.

Steve could only tense up at his words and protective stance, he sighed placing his hands on his hips.

"You know exactly why I'm here Bucky, I need to see them" Steve's voice came out more needy than he planned. "Please" He begged, hoping his friend would drop his assassin look and let him in.

Bucky squinted his eyes at him, after knowing Steve for so many years he could tell by his appearance that he truly seemed to be suffering from this. He almost stepped aside to allow him in the apartment, when he remembered how just a week ago you had come with James in your arms, barely containing your sobs asking to stay the night. So he kept himself firm on his position, and Steve realized it wouldn't be so easy to get through him after all.

"Come on Buck I made a dumb mistake, do you think I don't fucking understand that? I just can't be in that house alone anymore, I need to speak to her" Steve pleaded, but not even his sad eyes could budge his friend who only chuckled at his words.

"No Steve, you've made countless dumb mistakes before and this doesn't even compare to them. You have a family! You had a kid with the love of your life and you threw that away for some other girl? You've done some pretty stupid shit but now you really crossed the line"

"Don't you think I should be having this conversation with her and not with you?" Steve said, clenching his jaw now angry. "Let me in" He demanded giving a step forward, only to be stopped by his friend's metal arm.

"You know the only reason why I'm not beating you up right now is because your son is in here" Bucky admitted through gritted teeth, his metal hand still firm on Steve's chest.

Steve could only inhale sharply, if Bucky wasn't his best friend from his whole life he would've knocked him down right in that spot, but he knew better and stepped back. After all Bucky was only trying to protect you.

He still had a challenging stare fixated on his friend though, only budging when his son's laughter could be heard from the inside, who soon appeared running in the living room.

"James Anthony Rogers you need to shower right know" You playfully scolded running behind him.

"Noooo" James continued giggling, stopping for a second when he noticed uncle Bucky talking to his father. "Daddy!" The kid happily exclaimed running towards him, making you stop right in your tracks when you realized Steve was there.

Bucky turned around to look at you, somehow asking with his eyes if you needed help, you just shook your head and crossed your arms, watching how your husband picked James in his arms.

"You came back from your mission" James squealed excited, and Steve guessed that was probably what you told the kid to excuse his absence. "I think mommy is mad at you" The innocent kid secretly whispered in his ear so you wouldn't hear.

"Why do you think that J?" Steve asked, his features faking confusion.

"Because whenever I asked about you she would roll her eyes and leave. I do that when I'm angry" He explained. "She also cries every night when she thinks I'm sleeping" He finished, looking at his father with sad eyes.

Steve tensed up after hearing those words but tried to keep his composure, smiling to the kid to calm him down.

"It'll be alright baby, I just did something wrong and I need to apologize to mommy okay, why don't you go with uncle Bucky to play?" He offered and James just nodded.

"Steve–"

"It's okay Bucky" You stopped him from kicking Steve out nodding your head. He just took a deep breath before directing himself towards the kid.

"Alright, let's go soldier" He grabbed James from Steve's arms and tickled him to make him laugh. "We have some serious James' businesses to attend" He playfully told the kid named after him, discreetly glaring at Steve before disappearing into one of the rooms to give you some privacy.

Steve finally walked inside the apartment, standing awkwardly in front of you with slumped shoulders . His breath hitched when he took in your appearance, his regret only increasing when he noticed how bad he had hurt you. You had dark bags under your puffy eyes, a veil of dullness covered your joyless features. You didn't really care about your hair, as it tangled in a messy bun with hairs falling everywhere.You appeared to have lost some weight too, something that wouldn't be noticed to everyone else but he knew you so well, and was quick to notice those little things.

He also noticed the absence of a ring in your left hand, ignoring the way his heart ached at the sight. You shifted uncomfortably under his curious glaze, impatiently waiting for him to say something.

"So?" You asked in an annoyed tone, eyebrows lifting as you crossed your arms.

"Honestly I don't even know what to say" He confessed sighing, once again putting his hands on his hips, a gesture you knew he made when he felt helpless or frustrated. "I just want you to come home, please doll" The pet name escaped his lips naturally, realizing his mistake when you balled your fists on your sides.

"First of all, you lost your right to call me doll" You spat. "And I already told you I can't be in that house anymore, not after what you did Rogers" His last name rolling out of your lips harshly.

He couldn't help but let out a deep breath as he turned around, running a hand through his hair exasperatedly. An idea came to his head, he knew it was wrong, but he felt extremely lost at this point.

"Don't do it for me, do it for James at least" He suggested still turned around, not being able to meet your eyes.

"Do not bring James into this" You replied, knowing he wanted to use him as an excuse for you to come back. "Do you think I don't feel bad for him? I don't even know how to explain what's happening" You said, your brittle voice threatening to break in any moment.

You ran a hand through your face, the uncertainty from the situation was eating you alive.

"You don't have to, all I'm telling you is to please come home" He begged finally turning back at you. “I know I fucked up, hell, there isn't a damn day I don't regret what I did. But you're my family and I won’t give up on that, I can’t! We have to find a way to get through this ... please Y/n” The desperate soldier wailed, yearning for forgiveness.

He decided to take his chances and carefully stepped forward, continuing when he noticed you didn’t back off, until your bodies were only inches away from each other. His glistening blue eyes seemed to pierce right through your soul, leaving you vulnerable under his pleading gaze. You didn’t know what got to you, something inside your chest made you lunge yourself forward and collapse in his body, allowing you to finally break down in front of him, his strong arms quickly embracing you in a hug.

“You broke my heart Steve” You sobbed against his aching chest, his name feeling unfamiliar on your lips as it was the first time you used it in a while. “I gave everything to you, gave everything for you. How could you do this to me, why would you–“ You couldn’t continue as the lump in your throat made it impossible for any words to keep coming out.

Steve could only caress your head as he began sobbing as well, his heart breaking as he felt you fall apart right in his arms. He couldn’t help himself from remembering the vows he made to you, a specific part painfully pounding in his head.

‘I will always protect you, I promise I’ll never fail you’

The words tortured Steve more than an enemy had ever hurt him, the same arms he had swore to protect you with now held you in broken pieces. Because even though he had kept you safe from any villain, any monster that dared to cross your path, he had become the enemy when he couldn’t protect you from himself. He opened his mouth to speak as he pushed back the lump in his throat, trying to say something to fix the mess he had carelessly caused.

“I’m so sorry I failed you Y/n, I never wante–“

“Shut up” You blurted out between cries, stopping him from hurting you more. “Just shut up and hug me” You begged, trying to forget about everything for just a minute.

For the first time in seven days you felt safe back in his huge arms, having missed how his warm body embraced yours. Fuck how you had missed his touch, the way he controlled his strength around you yet still managed to hold you tightly as if he never wanted to let you go. Now more than ever. You couldn’t help the tears continuously falling, as you recalled the seven beautiful years you had been spent as husband and wife.

Steve was the love of your life without a doubt, you both were there for each other since you met, no matter what. That meant any tragedy that happened in Steve’s life, you were there.

You were the first one to help him adapt to the new world and introduce him to the technology, you had been the only one able to calm him down whenever he had a bad memory from the 40’s.

When he found out Bucky was alive who was the one that kept him sane through it and helped him look for his friend? You. When the whole Sokovia accords fiasco happened you were by his side, even though your brother was on the other.

Who had spent two years on the run as a criminal with him? you did, even though Tony had offered you an arrangement that would free you from any charges.

Then when Thanos happened and he erased half of humanity, you were the one who acted as a mediator between him and Tony for them to actually become friends again. Well, actually become a family since James and Morgan were born around the same time and they had to accept they would be uncles to the children.

Looking back you knew you were always there for him, that’s why you couldn’t help the sickening pain that pierced through your heart every time you thought about him betraying your trust the second you gave him your back.

Steve Rogers was the love of your life. Would you ever be able to forgive him?

Anger invaded your body once again as you abruptly separated from his arms, the cold instantly creeping through your body refusing his absence.

“I can’t trust you anymore” You firmly said, wiping the tears from your cheeks, praying for them to stop. “I don’t know if I can forgive you I ... I’ll need time”

“I promise I will give you all the time you need” Steve assured as hope invaded his body, resisting his urge to kiss you. “Will you ... will you come back home?” He asked fearfully.

“Yeah, for James” You replied, making sure you left clear the only reason you were accepting.

You had to do it for the five year old that innocently laughed in one of the rooms, oblivious to the situation his parents were in.

“That’s enough for me” Steve replied, a smile threatened to appear but he knew it was best to keep his composure under your intense gaze.

“James come here” You called out to your son, who came immediately running to hug your leg.

Bucky followed the kid, once again shooting at glare in Steve’s direction. Seriously, if looks could kill ...

“You weren’t watching a sad movie now, why are you crying?” James worryingly asked to his parents, knowing something was definitely wrong.

You couldn’t help but smile at your son’s wit, he really was Stark after all. You picked him up in your arms and loudly kissed his cheek, fixing a rebellious strand of hair behind his ear.

“Daddy just needed to apologize about something he did” You softly explained, hell, if only it were that easy. “We’re going home now” You announced making the kid smile widely and clap with his tiny hands.

You put him on the floor after telling him to pick up his toys, and the boy took no time to do so and leave the room. You took a deep breath as you walked towards Bucky and hugged him in gratefulness, Steve tried to look somewhere else and give a few steps back to let you say goodbye to him.

“Thank you Buck, I’m sorry we had to bother you these days” You said, he could only stare at you with worried eyes.

“Come on Y/n, you didn’t bother me at all” He replied as if your words offended him. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” He could only stare at you with worry in his eyes.

“I honestly don’t know because I’m still mad at him, I’m just doing it for James you know” You mumbled sighing, he just nodded understandingly.

“Okay, just let me know if he does anything stupid” Bucky said rolling his eyes, and you couldn’t help but chuckle.

“When doesn’t he though” You mocked, and everyone in the room knew you were right.

“I’m literally standing right here” Steve whispered to himself, and before you could say anything James came running back with his backpack.

You picked him up again in your arms, giving one last nod at Bucky before walking towards the door.

“I’ll wait for you outside” You announced before leaving, knowing they needed to ease the tension between them.

Steve walked towards his best friend, who still had the terrifying assassin look, yet that didn’t stop him from hugging him. He felt how Bucky dropped down the guard, and hugged him back.

“Thanks for taking care of them punk” He honestly thanked, stepping away from the quick hug.

“You’re welcome jerk” Bucky replied, emphasizing the insult. “Steve you seriously need to fix this, I don’t know how but you have to” The soldier scolded him.

“I have no idea either, but I’ll try my best” Steve promised just like he had done to you.

“Okay, because if you don’t I will make sure I kill you myself for being so goddamn stupid” He warned with a menacing tone, but Steve only chuckled. “I’m being serious, they didn’t call me the winter soldier for nothing” He said, his friend now nodding seriously.

The ride home was pretty quiet, except for the little noises that James made while he played with his toys. The sun was getting down when you reached the house, and you had to take a deep breath before stepping inside, glaring at the spot on the porch where you had found the pictures that ruined everything.

Nighttime came quickly and Steve found himself settling in the living room to sleep on the couch, only for you to be interrogated by your son when you tucked him in his bed.

“Why is daddy sleeping on the couch?” The boy curiously asked furrowing his brows.

You stared at him in disbelief, you couldn’t believe he had noticed it. You had specifically told Steve to be careful so this wouldn’t happen.

“Well sweetheart, remember when you do something wrong and we have to ground you for your bad behavior?” You tried to explain to him, hoping he would drop the matter.

“So daddy’s grounded? I didn’t know that was possible” He opened his mouth widely in amazement.

You had to contain yourself from laughing at his bewilderment, the boy looked as if he had just discovered the secrets of the world.

“That’s right soldier, and you will be too if you don’t sleep now” You warned bopping his nose, before leaning to kiss his forehead. “I love you J”

You turned off is light and walked towards the door, but before you could leave his little voice stopped you.

“I think you should just forgive him mommy” The boy innocently suggested, a nostalgic smile adorned your face.

“I’ll think about it honey, now go to sleep or I’ll sell all your toys” You playfully said before closing the door behind you, letting out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding.

You will think about it.

Because maybe there was a chance you could forgive your husband and pretend nothing happened, although you certainly didn’t know if things would ever be the same.

You just took a deep breath as you entered your room, collapsing on a bed that felt too cold without Steve by your side.

Fuck, you really had to think about it.

A/n: And that’s it! I decided it to leave it as an open ending considering I wasn’t really sure wether to write a happy or sad one, so it’s totally up to you guys! Let me know what you think, and thanks for reading my first Steve fic here <3

The ones that requested part 2, here’s your tag!

@benegrido @asgardiangurll @retrxbarnes @heyiamthatbitch @yn-the-reader @clockblobber @thequeenreaders @captainscanadian @what-if-i-am-weird @valiantdragonbeard @colie87 @cynic-spirit @wantingtobekorra @kaetastic @crist1216 @secretlyactivated @katiew1973 @lovely-geek @mdemontespan1667 @princess-evans-addict @hausofevans @xjaelee @lyrxbz @princessdancingonthesunshine

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