#and i'm really fucking proud of myself

[oklotea]

I wish I never made eye contact with you.

RAAGHHHHHHH LET'S SEE THIS THING REACH 13 NOTES!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOOOOO THANK YOU FOR ALL OF YOU WHO ARE HERE I HOPE Y'ALL ARE HAVING A GOOD EVENING!!!!!!

TROLLS NOIRE AU BY THE AMAZING @artroc-ity !!!!! READ COLD CASE OF MY HEART TODAY!!!!!!!!!

#*siiighhhhh*i want someone to look at me. it doesn't even have to be that look chaz is giving hickory i just want someone to look at me #and think deeply about me for more than 5 seconds #just trhink about meeeeeee #whatever. someone is probably thinking about me right now #i mean a lot to a lot of people and i love all of them #i hope im not just some random tumblr user..... but a memorable random tumblr user.... #okay enough monologing have somr gay yearning #are they going to punch eachother after this? are they gonna make out? will they just continue on in comfortable silence? #thats your choice #IM REALLY FUCKING PROUD OF MYSELF AND I LOVE THIS COLORING STYLE!!!!! #ITS STYLISH. ITS MOODY. AND EVEN BETTER ITS CHEAP!!!! #ive also been watching a lot of extremely useful videos about composition & in this specific piece i used all the knowledge ive gathered! #life is so beautiful. my art is wonderful. and im getting better and better #i hope one day i'm able to make commissions for people with traditional art #i'll send the actual sheets of paper #i wanna do that so bad #i need to open an etsy #trolls #chaz trolls #hickory trolls #chaz #hickory #chazcory #chickory #trolls noire au #tea art 🎨 #Spotify #oklo makes a post

[thedreadvampy]

The thing is I am definitely not happy or chill in the Immediate Sense lately but I am, big picture, so fucking happy with the person I am.

It's like. My brain was made by and for consistent trauma and since that trauma stopped about 5-7 years ago, it is incredible what the amount of resilience and cleverness and flexibility and thoughtfulness I developed to survive can do when it's not being all spent on surviving. like I had a hundred ton weight on me so I had to get REALLY STRONG to stay in the same place and not get 100% crushed, and when that weight came off I found I can use the strength it used to take to stand up and I can leap tall buildings in a single bound.

I was talking to my mum the other day and she said, "you've got the 'fuck it' energy at 30 that most women don't find until their fifties at least" and I'm like yeah man. Imagine how unstoppable I'll be in 20 years.

#red said #i don't know that i can express this clearly but it's the most encouraging thing in my life #my mum's always been proud of me but just lately she seems to actually really admire me #like she's genuinely impressed. she thinks I've surpassed her. i don't necessarily agree but it's a really nice quiet joy. #anyway like this sounds super up myself and it kind of is. #but also it's part of realising just how heavy the weight I've been carrying around with me for 25 years was #like not to be ridiculous but i have realised again this week. that it isn't that everyone's been raped that much and doesn't talk about it #i just have been raped an Unusually Consistent Amount. i have spoken to a lot of people who have had much more horrifying things happen. #I'm not sure I've talked to more than a couple of people who've had a similar level of total consistency of abuse from all angles #and the one is not heavier or harder to bear that the other. but. i think i spent most of my life listening to people's awful experiences #and going ok well nothing i went through looked that bad so it's microtrauma #obviously microtraumas build up but still. #then the older i get and the more i have these conversations the more I notice that stuff which to me is a microtrauma #is a lot of people's defining trauma. and they're reacting appropriately which means i am SO SEVERELY UNDERREACTING #told my friend the other day about a time someone who i still like and respect was having sex with me when i paralocated my hip #and then just kept getting really annoyed with me for not being ready to have sex again while i was literally crying with pain #until i caved and just tried to find the last painful position #and my friend was like pal what the fuck that's horrific #and i was like i mean no that's normal I've had sex with like maybe 3 or 4 people in my life who i haven't had similar stuff with #like i am genuinely thrown when i am allowed to say no to sex and have it be the end of the conversation. and not end up having sex #out of guilt or out of physical coercion or through physical rape. and i have had sex with probably like 40 people at this stage? #and I'm not sure it's as many as 4 i haven't had that experience with tbh #so like. I'm slowly coming to terms with the idea #that i may have actually been doing a hell of a lot of heavy lifting. #like i developed a sense of self that can survive being constantly crushed and at this stage is fucking diamond.

[cowboyskeletons]

and sparrow's son loves the world so much and loves everyone around him and how can sparrow tell him that the world is cruel? how can he tell him that love will be punished and that cruelty is the only way to survive? normal's love scares him, he loves his son so much but that love scares him. he would do and has done anything for his son but he knows that it has led to his own ruin. and he loves his son but too much love has only ever harmed him and maybe he can take a model from his own dad and multitask.

maybe he can love his son but he hates him too, hates that normal can love and hates that normal can be loved and hates that normal can be so oblivious to the cruelty around him in a way that he himself lost when the world ended. he wants his son to have everything but loathes that fact that normal'll never try. that he just accepts life as it is. the way his dad did, when sparrow saluted henry and went along with the world's end and turned a blind eye to his wife's infidelity.

he sees himself in normal, maybe. maybe he hates that. because he lost himself, that day he lost his father's care and his mother's respect, and he can't bear to see himself lost again. normal needs to be cruel because otherwise he will be crushed and sparrow can't do that again. can't let himself be crushed again.

#dndads #dndads spoilers #i guess? #i'm sorry this is basically an extension of another rant i did on discord. so some points may not make complete sense but #i am so-- [wait i can't say normal fuck] regular. about the oaks #can you tell i think about them? can you tell?? did the art not convince you??? #sorry if this is incoherent i am supposed to be writing an essay due in an hour but instead i wrote this. #hashtag no beta (not even myself) we die like hermie #this mainly goes off of the most recent episode and when sparrow told normal he wasn't proud. that whole interaction #yet again the point turns incomprehensible halfway though but we stay silly #also “hate” really isn't the right word for what i meant? #like the strength of the word is #but the general sentiment is just left of hate. #idk man #can't stop thinking about them #asdfdhg edit because i just. wrote the wrong name for one of the sentences. oops

[wowifinallywatched]

Hoffman's really out here showing us his secret Pa-Strahm-i recipe

#I THOUGHT OF THIS AND I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING #THIS IS THE BEST JOKE I'VE MADE AND I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF #SAW MOVIES I LOVE YOU #Like fuck I really love you and I did not expect this #from randomly watching while organising old boxes to now hyperfixating and binging all the movies #this is the best #i'm in my happy place leave me alone #no please i want a friend to talk about the movies with #like these movies just make me feel so genuinely happy because these movies can be so clever and really catch you off guard and i love that #it's refreshing #saw vi #saw 6 #saw films #saw movies #just saw thoughts #saw memes #just saw things #saw franchise #sawposting #saw

[batfamfucker]

Appreciation post for 'girly girl' characters and/or shows that celebrate traditionally feminine things that girls and women are shamed for.

Characters on this list that love makeup, fashion, hair, etc. Characters that are still written as strong, intelligent, brave, etc. That told young girls that these interests are valid, they are not lesser interests. Being feminine and liking traditionally feminine things does not make them weak.

#I'm so glad I got to grow up with these girls #I was originally gonna make a post of Barbie Daphne and Stella and be like. They remind me so much of each other #And how much I love characters like them #Because I do #But then I was like fuck it let's just make a post for all the girly girls because they're so good #So here we are. In a world of misogyny. We still have them. And I am so greatful #I'm sad I missed out on celebrating my femininity and stuff like this in my teen years because of just. Stuff I was going through #But I'm glad I'm doing it now. I've been getting into makeup for the past year. Mostly eye it's so fun #The Barbie movie. Dressing up for it. Being proud makeup and skirts and dressing up like I did as a girl. God it was so wonderful #I've not felt this connected to this part of myself in years. It has helped to much #It reminded me of my love for Barbie. The movies. The fairies and mairmaids. The bright colours and fashions #And my love for all of these shows. The outfits and designs I fell in love with. The friendships and sisterhoods in all of them. #Yes it's just Rarity. I know some of the others girls also fit. But some don't as much so I didn't wanna just put a group one #And I know Kim and some others aren't as girly as others. But she's still a good example. #Her and Monique's shopping trip and other stuff is engraved into my mind. I actually think about them a lot I love them #Daphne was also a masisve awakening for me. I had such a crush on her. And the Hex Girls. #If you're wondering why other shows aren't on here. Like Trollz or Powerpuff Girls or something. It's msotly based on what I watched #And I didn't really watch them I'm sorry but feel free to add more. #We're ignoring how I mispelled mermaids. I'm not going back to change that tag. #Anyway I love women basically. We're awesome. #Barbie #Scooby Doo #Bratz #Monster High #Kim Possible #My Little Pony #Winx #Mew Mew Power

[lovelaceisntdead]

So. Chappell Roan.

#my friend took most of these because my five year old samsung could not cope #i will be talking about this forever btw. i don't leave my house ever. #yeah these photos are awful sorry we were being in the moment #i had SO much fun #this was a HUGE deal for me too and I'm really proud of myself #i managed to stand the whole time! #didn't faint didn't lose any limb function didn't even really dissociate that much #also. does anyone know the bassists @. asking for a friend. #i also looked really fucking hot i would like that on the record. #posting these mostly for me and also B #Chappell Roan

[vera-dauriac]

Guys, I, um, well… I did it. I bought the comically large Maria Callas box set.

I’ve started with this Ballo I’ve never heard.

It's so good, I could cry. I'm so ridiculously happy right now!

#maria callas #un ballo in maschera #verdi #so #here's the thing #i really wanted this #and considering everything that is in it #it was a good price #even though it was kind of crazy expensive #but here's the other thing #i'm really proud of myself #and i recently got a promotion at work #so i'm calling this my promotion present #so i fucking deserve all the callas #and that's that #personal #opera

[99probalos]

siddex throughout the ages ...

#cw eyestrain #tw eyestrain #70sgi #im so sorry if sids guitar looks fucked up. #but anyways HAAYYYYY #i decided that bc i overzoom a lot that im jist gonna not let myself zoom in on art anymore for like. a while. at least until i get better & #more comfortable with it. for the sake of improvement #and i'm really proud of how this came out :]] hehehe #ahhh le 70s siddex. how ive missed thee #i still love drawing normal siddex too. its just been a while since ive dipped into 70s au art #but anyways. anyways #i hope u all enjoy... :] #rlm #gorilla interrupted #siddex #dex #sid #red letter media

[trashlie]

ILY FP 258

I can't believe we're actually passed episode 250 lmao I Love Yoo is truly the never ending story (affectionate). I appreciate how much of the story we really get to dig into at this pace and while I know a lot of people have long-since dropped it, I imagine the rest of us (those reading this post because why else are you here?) also appreciate it. And that's what is even more refreshing about this episode - if refreshing is even a word we can use to describe it. Getting the extra scenes from other characters, a look at their lives and from these glimpses, what we can glean in the unsaid between the lines.

Can you believe I used to prey on Kousuke's downfall? There's so many posts of me talking about him from a different view, believing that the only way he could grow and develop and make the changes necessary to make him a better person was for him to crash and burn, to fail so significantly that he would be forced to pen his eyes to reality. But here we are, me, fervently swaddling him up like a baby and shoving him into my pocket because GOD he needs to be protected.

I don't even remember when it was, that my view on him began to shift, when I went from "he's interesting but awful" to "GOD THIS IS MY SON AND I WILL FIGHT EVERYONE YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME" but.... lol there's no going back!

That's enough rambling, let's jump in.

There is something so painfully devastating about every time ILY confirms to us something we have long-since known or suspected through nuance, foreshadowing, reading between the lines, etc: That Kousuke isn't Rand's biological son, that Shinae was at the formal for Gun Kim, that Kousuke has been manipulated his whole life. Nothing in this episode regarding Kousuke is actually new to us. We have known, and talked about, for months and months long before the confirmation reveal that Yui drugs Kousuke - that he has been manipulated by her his entire life, that she orchestrated his life to manipulate him into situations she could take advantage of. It's the way she spoke about Rand's affair around Kousuke, the way she commodified Rand's love so Kousuke became convinced he'd never earned his father's love, the way she spoke of their family vs others and convinced him from such a young age that everyone was out to get them, to destroy them, and that he couldn't let them get close, couldn't let them near - and how Nol was very much a target planted in his mind.

But it's the fact that he is speaking of this and acknowledging it! Until now, Kousuke has heavily lived in denial. Again, we know this. We talk a lot about the chasm between reality and the reality he believes in. We talk a lot about how Kousuke couldn't face reality, even though on some level he knew everything he believed and was told was not quite true not quite real, but that he was so afraid of the truth, he couldn't do it. Kousuke admitting that he's been driven by fear and envy explains everything about him, and why he could not accept the only unwavering unconditional love he was offered.

A few weeks ago I saw a video on instagram of this father talking about a conversation he had with his daughter, who was feeling a little uncomfortable with her friend group. A new girl started to play with her and her best friend and she said she wasn't exactly jealous, but that maybe it was that she was afraid that there wasn't enough love to go around. Her dad had to explain to her that love is not like a pizza - it's not finite, a limited amount that could be taken and hogged by someone else. But Kousuke never learned this. His father's love was commodified and he was made to fear this other kid who he mistakenly believed knew a version of his father he'd never been privy to. He never learned that love is finite, that Rand could have enough love for the both of them, and feared that Nol would hog it all - that he WAS hogging it all because whether or not it was good or bad, Nol received more attention that Kousuke did. And that speaks VOLUMES about how Kousuke sees Rand, what he thinks of their relationship. In his mind, he is still unworthy, that he's not noteworthy enough.

This part gets to me so badly. We, as omniscient readers, know that Rand has tried his best, but that Yui runs a spectacular interference with which he can't compete, largely because of the roles their family have placed them in - Rand the busy businessman, Yui the mommy homemaker. But no matter how hard he tries, it isn't good enough. Rand tries to reach Kousuke, but the manipulation and paranoia are so far gone that the times Rand does have the chance to convey his feelings, Kousuke can't even believe it, because he thinks he's not good enough to deserve that love, that he hasn't fully qualified for it yet. And despite that, Nol, who Kousuke feels hasn't done half of what he has to deserve Rand's love, gets the attention. It doesn't matter that it's negative attention, that Rand barks at Nol, that Nol feels Rand hates and regrets him, because ultimately, it's still more than Kousuke receives. And worse, to him, every time Rand is busy reprimanding Nol, he turns away from Kousuke to do it.

I want to make it clear that this is a deep trauma point of Kousuke's. He's never learned healthy love and the only person who gave him healthy love was someone he was set to fear and fight. Something I think about a lot is the flashback to Kousuke, in the bushes, watching Nessa and Nol's display of warm affection, before Yui appears literally looming before him. In that moment, he witnesses something he's been deprived of. "We're not like other families"'. He's told from a young age he shouldn't compare himself to those healthy families, to warm and affectionate relationships that he will not cultivate in this household. From such a young age it is normalized, that they aren't like others, that they are cold and distant. From a young age, he's made to stuff down his feelings, his tender wants and desires, in order to earn them. To be a good little boy who makes his parents proud. To make his father look his way.

There's also something about the way he says "I've been a good boy" that echoes Shinae learning she's been manipulated by Yui, devastated and angry and yelling about how she's been a good girl so why do these things keep happening to her, all she wanted to do was help her dad. Two people who, from a young age, felt they had to be so obedient, so good, to not be a burden, and despite following the rules, despite doing as they were told, despite trying to be whatever version of "good" they believed in, the world still beat them up and mistreated them. The world still punished them.

As Rin in our discord server pointed out, though, to some degree, Kousuke is very much a person who can - and does - act out, when he's emotionally high-strung. He's a volatile man, and it's largely to do with the fact that he's been drugged to placate him for so long. He never learned emotional regulation, he never learned how to deal with high-stress situations or to face conflict or to own up to things. This is something that some readers who hate Kousuke and expect him to act a certain way because of his age are missing. You don't just learn these things with age. You learn them with experience and Kousuke was deprived of the opportunity TO have those experiences. He never had to learn these behaviors, and now as an adult he cannot function when overwhelmed.

Idk this whole episode is just heartbreaking. It's devastating. I remember when I was someone praying on Kousuke's downfall and now I want to take it all back ;___; I always believed he had to crash and burn to be able to see the world for what it really was and to face his fears, but this is somehow so much worse.

And even though he's drunk, I don't think he's going to forget all of this in the morning. Rather, I think what he's voicing are things that have been plaguing him since waking up in the hospital. From that moment, we saw him wary and distrustful of his mother, we saw his concern for Nol rising above everything else, but grappling with the understanding that he doesn't deserve to stand in front of Nol anymore. These aren't epiphanies coming to him just because he's drunk; it's more like he's only voicing them because he's drunk. But even when he sobers up, he will probably still be haunted by these fears, these agonies, these truths, this understanding.

How does he face his mother after this? How does he face anyone? He may not even feel like he can trust Jayce - who while very kind to him, is still employed by his family. He may not even feel like he can trust Hansuke (though I really hope that's not the case).

He's so miserable and it genuinely hurts to have him lay it all out for us - everything we've known and suspected, like how it was so painfully clear he WANTED Nol's friendship, their brotherhood, but feared it, didn't believe that there was enough love to go around, that there could only be one of them and that even if it was for good or bad reasons, Nol cast him in the shadow. And all these years, watching as Nol, as Yeonggi, grew into this person who sounded so very much like this unknown version of their father, someone funny who makes others laugh, someone goofy, someone so boyish in the ways Kousuke was never allowed to be. Watching as he gathers friends, while Kousuke, so unlikeable, is wanted only for his money, for his status, for the clout.

He doesn't even know WHO HE IS! Questioning his own traits he's believed of himself, wondering if this is even him, if these parts of him are real or does he just act it, say it, pretend it, while trying to fulfill a role he was shoved into. That makes me feel SO deeply sad, because it's something I've been anticipating for so long: Kousuke wondering WHO he really is, how much of him is real and how much of it is the result of manipulation.

And that moment that he catches himself and says no no that's offensive and rude you can't be like that. ;AAA;

For him to admit how much he envies others, how much he craves the kind of connection others have, the kind of family others have, to feel that love and warmth that he's been deprived of, forced to endure this solitude because, as he believes, he didn't get the good parts of Rand. And what will happen when he learns that Rand isn't his father? That he never stood a chance to inherit any of those traits. Kousuke has operated on this belief that, if he tries hard enough, he can earn the things he craves, but I fear learning about his parenthood will make him think that no matter how hard he tried, he would never earn that, because none of it was ever him, could have gone to him.

I think this is where Shinae, in the future, will come in. I feel so very strongly that she will be someone who helps Kousuke to see that this isn't true, that these kinds of personality traits aren't something inherited, but rather something learned. For him to one day realize it's the paralyzing fear that holds him back, not his genetics. Of course, I acknowledge this will still take a lot of therapy but...

Something else very remarkable to me is the way Kousuke recognizes Shinae in Shinhye, because their eyes "feel the same" and he opens up to her - on some level, whether or not he is consciously aware of it, Kousuke knows, or maybe just wants to, that he can trust Shinae. That she is someone who is safe. He even knows how she feels about his mother. I don't think we'll see a lot of Kousuke and Shinae's friendship until we're passed our timeskips, but it makes me feel a little hopeful about it, that she'll be able to reach him, because she feels like someone who is safe. It's the way he sees Nol in her and wants to try to have that do over, a relationship with someone who  has unconditional love for him. It's the way he knows he mistreated Nol, that it was wrong, that he took it all out on this kid he was so afraid of because he had no other outlet, and he wants to do better but knows that there's nothing to salvage anymore.

But also, it just makes me hope more and more that in the future we WILL see a reconciliation between the brothers. As I say every time, it doesn't mean they have to become brothers or friends, but I just want them to see each other fully. Kousuke knows what he did to Nol. He doesn't deny it, even if he might not say it out loud unless he's drunk. But Nol is still so in the dark. Yujing is trying to tip him off and make him aware of it, but I hope one day when Nol realizes it, when he finds out that Kousuke, too, was Yui's victim, that he wasn't the only one, that Kousuke was made to fear Nol's love, he might.... understand. I'm saying understand here loosely because I don't want people to get the idea that I mean Nol will forgive him and Kousuke will be justified, but rather that Nol would be able to understand why Kousuke felt that way, and move on. But I can't help but hope that it will lead to an understanding, a reconciliation, where maybe they can try to be in each other's lives.

I think it's also interesting that Shinhye was somewhat honest, even if she wasn't very forthcoming, with Kousuke about her own family. It sounds like her mother has been gone for a long time, that she's been on her own the whole while, and I think it reinforces the idea that she believes both that Simhan is her father and that he rejected her, that he didn't want anything to do with her. It lines up, too, with how she feels that he wouldn't react well if he saw her (although I think she credited that to looking like their mother). In the same way that Shinae has felt abandoned and cast aside by their mother, Shinhye probably thinks their father never tried reach out, to find them, to maintain a relationship with her. Or perhaps it's that her mother fed her lies about him, made her believe him a different type of man, made her believe there would never be anything of their relationship to salvage. And given that she's the one who Kousuke opened to, it makes me think that there must be some kind of parallel there; the way she mentioned her own mother feels like maybe her mother, too, was a manipulative - or at the very least, dishonest - person.

I don't speculate a lot on Shinhye because frankly I don't think I know enough about her to really try to talk about her, but I do think that it's very likely there's some kind of connection between Shinhye and the Hirahras or Gun. To be clear, I don't believe she's working with Yui at all. I think it's more like... Alyssa isn't the only girl who has been trafficked by Gun. What's the likelihood that Shinae and Shinhye's mother was? Given her history, the gambling addiction that was so egregious her reputation haunted Shinae and chased her to a new neighborhood and school, was she seeking money somewhere else, somewhere more dangerous? Is that part of why they had to change their name? There's so many questions left about them, and I look forward to learning more about her, but, much like with Alyssa, I think it will take time and be dropped in little tidbits like this - things to read into and try to glean something from.

And maybe we'll see more of this duo in the future? It would feel a little weird to give them this one single run in, but I'm not entirely sure. Quimchee likes to keep us on our toes. After all, Minhyuk and Shinhye have also had only the one run in. Still, I think it would be interesting to watch, if Shinhye ever felt.... I want to say maybe compelled? to dig in more to Kousuke, ever feel a kind of kinship. I don't think she'll open up to him at all, but rather, maybe she'd keep going back because a. he's wealthy and there's more she can nick from him (assuming he doesn't realize she stole anything while in his apartment, if he even remembers any of this) and b. wanting to gather more intel.

Like I said though, she's hard to read so I don't want to cling too hard to any ideas and, instead, sit back and enjoy the show.

#ILY Brainrot #ILY FP #ILY Spoilers #I Love Yoo #Kousuke Hirahara #Shinhye #idk what to tag her as because we know she isn't known as Shinhye anymore #and because Simhan and their mother never married AND she was from a previous relationship Yoo isn't even her family name #so I can't really use Shinhye Yoo lol #alas #anyway this episode was DEVASTATING and quimchee said it's the beginning of the sad episodes meant to happen in March #literally said 'It's all downhill from here' #which I take to mean til the timeskip #BUCKLE UP BABIES WE'RE GOING FOR A BIG CRY SESH ;______; #i gotta say tho this episode didn't even make me cry - i guess because none of this is new and I've been bracing myself for it #Kousuke is so fucking wet cat it agonizes me ;_____; #I could write a whole essay on how Yui destroyed him and Nol in one fell swoop #i think a lot about precocious little Kousuke who tried so hard to be a good little boy and rushed through school because he wanted so badl #to hurry up and catch up to his father and join him in the workplace #all the opportunities he lost #the way he tried to fit himself into a personality a person he never picked out but just believed would get him what he wanted #he lost himself in the process #or maybe he never even got to know himself #i think too a lot about Kousuke who played piano and gave it up when he came to believe it wasn't important to his dad #that it didn't garner the attention and praise he seeked #so he dropped it to better mold himself into someone he thought Rand WOULD be proud of #FUCKING DEVASTATED #I'M GOING TO JUMP OFF THE ROOF SOBS

[arcaneyouth]

everyone please clap and cheer for me and tell me i'm the worlds most special boy i finished drawing chapter 7 of my comic

#i have to start applying to jobs like. tomorrow. so i don't really get to rest #but for now. i fucking did it. i did it i finished it i'm so proud of myself

[da-proti-toku-grem]

i was having a midnight talk with my brother yesterday and i told him that when i went out with my friend the other day i didn't have any anxiety attack (like it usually happens to me every time i go out of my house), and you know i wasn't expecting him to say anything about it, people would usually go "...okay? 🤨" like, that's what it's supposed to be like, why would you have anxiety because of that? but he went: "Good! 😁" and high-five'd me

and i- i didn't know what to say but it warmed my heart :(

#i'm might or might not be tearing up a little as i write this #like. i don't think anyone has ever reacted like that when i tell smth like this #i think no one that i know irl really understand my social anxiety and everyone is like 'oh she's just shy' #and when i gather the courage to do smth that makes me feel really anxious (but it's considered 'normal' and 'not a big deal') people just - #- laugh it off in front of my face and they're like 'oh look at her! she did [whatever]' #and idk if it makes me more sad or angry. definitely both #but i never say anything ofc bc my fucking anxiety doesn't let me be mean to anyone on purpose even if they really deserve it sometimes #(well. that might just be my personality in general more than my anxiety but oh well) #fuck i'm ranting again but yeah. i felt good that someone for once didn't just laugh and actually acknowledged that it is hard for me #but i did it anyways and i didn't feel bad about it (just this time but smth is smth) #and i should be proud of myself for taking these little steps (i'm telling this to myself to convince me that it's true) #(idk it's working really well lol) #maca speaks #venting #(the venting was more just the tags but you get it)

[mav-the-artist]

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY

#My art #ueeeerughgheeee i love wayneeeee my beloved handsome moon man uehheeheee *giggles and kicks my legs* #I'M ACTUALLY PROUD OF THIS??? #Like not to sound like I'm patting myself on the back BUT I really am getting better at drawing faces #AND just anatomy in general #PUTTING THIS IN THE TAG TOO CUZ AGAIN FUCK IT WE BALL #(although I hope the hylics fandom is welcoming of selfshippers...>///>) #I RARELY DRAW THIS KIND OF STUFF I'M JUST USING VALENTINES AS AN EXCUSE #Hylics #Hylics Wayne #Wayne Hylics #Wayne #Mav #Me #My sona #Valentines #Valentines 2024

[patchyworx]

I saw big man's frostfest outfit and had to draw it under any and all circumstances so woe fish man be upon ye

I am not bothering to remove petch from this btw.

Closeup of his face + dumb notes under the cut

I was really struggling to draw this, not because it was difficult to draw, no, but because i kept giggling and kicking my feet at the way i drew his expression

It was like playing a stealth game irl because i worked on parts of it in front of my family and no way in hell am i telling them that I'm giggling and blushing because of some manta man design that i made for gay paint fortnite

#I'm really proud of the whole everything here #i made him so handsome... im so proud of myself #my favorite flat fuck ever <3 #big man splatoon #digital art #patchy draws #splatoon frosty fest #he's so fancy!!!! #drawing him in tight pants was fun for very normal reasons btw. i am very normal. super normal. #chewing on him like a marshmallow #i mean what?? who said that #i think i keep making his head fins(?? ears?? they're the thingys. yk.) steadily longer #eventually he's gonna look like an entire bunny

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

The Mafia Princess Masterpost

The mastposter for all information regarding my new story The Mafia Princess! Why should you care and be curious enough to check out this story? Because it's all poll based and you get to vote on what happens next (much to my delight and dismay).

AO3 Link (Because this is the easiest and best way to update a story/see the updates to the story).

Summary: Elsa is a twelve-year-old orphan living in a foster home. You would think that was where the cliches would end, but instead she accidentally ended up saving a mob boss and is now being adopted into a whole new kind of "family." Not exactly the dream family one asks for, but Elsa is willing to make the best out of an insane situation.

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Original Polls: The post that contains the original polls and the basic idea/summary for the story as a whole.

Original Parts I and II: The Setup and The Gunshot (Both of these parts have been edited and the most recent versions are the ones posted to AO3.)

Part III: The Meeting Part IV: The First Conversation Part V: The Escape Part VI: The Offer Part VII: The Jacket

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Background/Worldbuilding Poll Results

Main Character (Elsa) Age: 12 Mafia Boss Age: 35 Elsa's Living Situation: Foster Care Elsa's Parent Status: One Living Parent (custody revoked) Mafia Boss Location: Pacific Northwest (after tied vote)

#mafia princess #the mafia princess #my writing #original #masterpost #story poll #yall i am #so fucking proud of the cover i designed for this #that shit took effort and conveys the exact vibe i'm hoping for with this story #but also good lord i'm really setting myself up to write a story as dictated by tumblr #what have i done #also don't worry the chapters will be getting longer as we keep goign forward i promise we just gotta get a lot of setup done first

[gayformlessblob]

cleaning out

ID in alt text

#i've been deliberating over this piece for fucking ever #it took me so long and i'm not entirely sure how much i like it but i'm still pretty proud of ur #of it* #and there's nothing i can really change immediately so here it is #also yes i did make myself sad with this one #tma #the magnus archives #timothy stoker #tim stoker #tma tim #do i tag danny ? prob not right #i won't #tma s3 spoilers #sorta #blob art

[transmechanicus]

It is sunday night. I remain exhausted.

#my stuff #i tried everything this weekend and nothing is healing my Existential Ambivalence #like i know i cooked and i saw friends and i did my hobbies and normally i'd be proud of myself for all that but i just...don't care #i wanna call out sick or something tomorrow. I'm worried about my finances and i genuinely think im gonna have to move somewhere cheaper #like i was expecting my tax return to offset the slow bleed of money from my savings each month and that Is Not Happening #And its not like i have any way to Make More Money #bc im a grad student and we're contractually prevented from doing so #So that means i'll need to move when my lease is up this summer and i really don't fucking want to #i like where i live i just wish it wasn't so goddamn expensive on rent #even like $200 cheaper would be world changing for me #but no instead i gotta look at my bills after power and car insurance and food and be like oops guess i lost $100 this month #and god forbid i get coffee or eat out in the cheapest way possible bc somehow that adds up to like $100 the second i look away #im sick of being anxious about this!! im not eating enough as it is!! #i also don't wanna get a fucking roommate bc i don't want someone in a space i've come to consider my own #like sorry but im transgender do not fucking look at me stranger #so the only real solution is to move and that's such a fucking hassle and it doesn't solve the problem now and i just want this to get bettr #i wish all students a very $2000 raise forever #and all landlords a very Scrooge Moment that makes you cut my rent in half #ave omnissiah