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#and if im gonna devote that much time to it i wanna show it off
bandgie · 5 months
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Language Barrier - SKZ
who I think is mtl willing to learn a new language/communicate with someone despite a language barrier platonic or romantic? I'll leave that up to you...
most
bangchan - so obvious he's on the top. loves talking to people with different experiences and points of perspectives. might be difficult at first, but Chris strikes me as the type to never give up, especially if he's interested in you. he'll also encourage you to learn his native language, but he doesn't mind just learning yours
changbin - similar to Chris, but I think Bin is super talkative. just wants to connect with everyone and anyone, loves talking and hearing people talk. As long as you're respectful, he'll even show you some things in his culture. he loves expressing his love for his country
felix - has to be in the top 3, bro loves learning languages in his spare time. I think it's so cute when he goes to different countries for tour and learns phrases of the language there. he's a sweetheart, and would love if you showed him the things your culture has to offer. teach him, show him, ugh! he loves learning new things (it's his first life)
seungmin - he'll absolutely learn some key words, but full on sentences is difficult. if he's super into you and really thinks you both click, he'll devote time to learn your language/culture. He would love if you learned his in return. very much of a give and take relationship imo. if you're putting in effort, he will too.
i.n - good memory, but lacks the motivation. I feel like he might remember random ass words rather than the important ones. it's kinda cute. I do, however, think he can be encouraged if he likes talking with you. kind of like seungmin, it would really help if you learned his language/culture too. it shows that you care just as much as he does.
hyunjin - I feel like he can be forgetful but if he likes talking with you, he'll make sure to remember. he would much rather explore your culture and learn the language that way (he would love study sessions with you rather than online) bro could sit in silence with you and be totally fine with that. watch him paint, draw, etc. he loves quality time over talking anyway
han - he mostly just kinda catches on from what you say and might do a little research on the side, but nothing more. once again, he needs to be into you, like really into you to learn even the simplest of expressions. will absolutely forget the words he learned the very next day, but you just have to have patience with him
lee know - he's just super fucking nervous. can be a little self conscious but he'll never tell you that. im not gonna lie, I feel like you need to put in more effort than him. he's such a scorpio ya know? he can be a little put off about it, but hearing you try to learn and fumble your words makes him wanna try. he'll come around on his own time, just have to be patient. totally the type to see a random item and say it in your native language and wait for your response. praise him a bit!!! even if he acts all shy or uncaring, he appreciates it
least
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imdoingsortagay · 1 year
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Agatha the housewife headcanons
a/n: i swear once this temp job finishes im writing but for now have this besties 
warnings: cooking and do the cleaning, some smut ( 18+ pls if i see anything below that im throwing a rock @ you ), fluff for sure , god i miss her 
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She’s lived a long life for sure 
besties has been through so much and her favorite decade is the 50′s for so many
the food, the music, but most of all something about being someone’s cute little housewife
But she didn’t think she’d ever find anyone to have that “ happy little ending with “ 
til she met you and all hope wasn’t lost
Did you think the universe would set you up ? No
Did you think Agatha would find you to be the most attractive person ever? No
Asking her out in the most casual way : a cute little note with a box to checkmating yea or no
Both of you were 3 years into your relationship when you decided to tie the knot
Very cute proposal, all out, dancing included
Once you were married, Agatha decided to be a stay at home wife and you did the hard work of being a breadwinner
Coming home to a cooked meal, listing to music while talking about what happened
Agatha taking care of the pets
Scratchy and your cat ( insert funny name here )
Not realizing she loved being your darling little housewife while you’re the “ perfect wife who earns for the family”
Turns into some 👀👀👀 things as you say a sentence drunk to her one night in the living room
“ every time I see you in your dresses I wanna fuck you babe “
Bottom fr
Giving you head ( with the strap you decided to wear around the house today)
“ pretty little things looks sexy bouncing on my cock for her daddy”
AGATHA PULLING OUT A MAID DRESS TO WEAR ONE DAY 
Shows off everything
Boobs boobs boobs
If she bends overs, lord you notice she has no underwear and fuck she looks hot
Her pussys all wet so you have to punish her :(
“ Did you really think daddy wasn’t gonna punish you sweetie ?” 
Agatha getting eaten out by you anything of the day at home 
Morning ? yea , the shower? oh sure, making food in the morning? yes
Obedient Aggie doing everything to be rewarded by you 
Soft moments happen besides all the sex
Weekly baking that happens 
Each week is a different dessert 
Being her “ assistant “ in the kitchen while an excited Agatha tells you what to do 
“ This is the only time you can boss me around honey” 
“ And i’ll use every moment to my advantage “  
sing alongs together before you leave for work 
She loves blasing out “ hopelessly devoted to you “ and you can’t tell me otherwise. ( sidenote harry sang it during harryween and the way i cried watching the video)
cutest little thing ever
Dancing together in the living room to her favorite songs
her favorite song is Dream a little dream of me 
Her slow dancing with you and crying that she actually got that “ happy ending “ she dreamed of 
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nerdstreak · 2 months
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I am extremely late but who cares being late is cool 😎
I looked over the songs you put in your pyg!au playlist, they're cool! Whenever you have the time and energy, I'd love to listen to why you chose the songs you did and what they represent! Whether it fits a personality trait, a story beat, or is just something you or Con.nor would actually listen to
(I enjoy making playlists myself, even if I don't do it much, and I do genuinely want to hear you ramble about it)
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ok,,, i suppose i could Go Off a little bit abt my song choices thank u,,,
but its still gonna be under a cut ok here we go
let you down: so this is p much connor's general feelings as he progresses through the cases, not succeeding enough to learn about deviants. since hannah is a part of cyberlife, he has another face besides amanda to put to any disappointment he feels is being directed towards him, even if she's never expressed that. this really culminates in the next chapter :3
all these things ive done: connor knows hannah is one of the very few people he can go to, also "ive got soul but im not a soldier" hits
beneath the mask: both of them sort of mask themselves and are afraid of showing their true selves around others
cold heart pnau mix: first verse is def connor catching feelings, also i just always like some good good elton on my playlists (another contender was goodbye yellow brick road, and while its not on here i like to think thats a song they like slow dancing to)
divinity: some future-y porter robinson and the simple lyrics fit well enough
i hear a symphony: PERFECT deviancy song no one can change my mind
i really wanna stay at your house: more future-y techno, definitely more of a 'songs they like to listen to' vibe than strictly plot-related
in her eyes: CHAPTER 4 NAMESAKE LETS GO it was called that originally because the first scene of 5 was supposed to be part of it and really played into the lyrics and emotion of the song
instant crush: more synths!! and again more vibes of just putting all your trust into one person you love
iris: WHEN EVERYTHING'S MADE TO BE BROKEN, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW WHO I AAAM!!! a recent addition thanks to my best friend having never heard the song before reminding me it fits for them
just the way you are (the less cheesy billy joel one): neither of them would change a thing about the other :)
lay all your love on me: who doesnt love some abba, plus like hell either of them are gonna share devotion to anyone else
like real people do: self explanatory waaaaa this song is just so soft
mr blue sky: hey you with the pretty face, welcome to the human race!! blame the prtl fic absolutely lol, but dammit if it doesnt fit both my favorite blue robots
once upon a dream: a small spoiler, but hannah did dream about connor before she went on to finalize his design
past lives: sort of an overall connah song with all the verses i have for this ship, finding each other and being intrinsically linked in every universe
rhinestone eyes: more of a beginning-of-the-ship song, where feelings are more distant but there's still that spark of attachment
somewhere only we know: before hannah started on the rk800 project, she was starting to get a bit jaded working for cyberlife, but he sparked her passion again and now wants to rely on him, and in turn he relies on her too, someone that can listen without judgement, just as he does for her
steal the show: purely put it here cuz that one scene in elemental made me think of them :)
yellow: gentle vibes of wanting to do anything and everything for the other person
you might think: no matter how other people might judge an android/human relationship, neither of them truly care what others think in the end, because all they need and want is each other
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alphabetboyluvr · 1 month
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Hey Holly!
How’ve you been? How was the trip? Saw some beautiful pictures on your ig story and got super excited for u!! <3
This is gonna be a long one but here goes!
I’m here because I wanted to tell u how much I love each and every one of the characters you’ve written. I’ve read most of your works and each one has its own beauty and aura(?) that is so uniquely its own. Bd!jk and B and so different from CV!jk and Annie who are so different to YU?!jk and Neva that it messes with my head sometimes. How you’ve managed to give jk such a distinct yet familiar personality is truly astounding.
I’m so happy seeing all the love you receive for BD (which is so soooo very well deserved btw) but i think we don’t talk enough about CV. I mean the plot. The characters. The attention to detail. The insane storytelling. Heck, even the chapter names leave me in such awe. I’m truly truly grateful to have found your work when I did and I know it’s silly to say that I’m a changed person for it. The kindness u show us and the love u have for the tannies is so heartwarming. Holly, I hope the people around u know how lucky they are to be in your presence. Your work is not just some silly little stories, it’s a piece of you that you’ve chosen to share with the world and it is such a privlidge. I don’t think I’ll ever stop talking about it.
The amount of times I’ve cried tears (good and bad ones) from all the emotions surprises me too. I constantly think about your writing and even though this past year I’ve given a piece of my heart to bd I think a bigger chunk will always go to color Vision. This is in no way a comparison of your work, it’s just something I’ve come to realize recently that cv just has a very special place in my heart. However, in my mind I’m practically married to bd jk and he’s MINE (sorry B :3)
Sorry for the rambling but I hope u know that u have a forever fan <3
-BG
helloooooo!!
my trip was really lovely thank you - it was a bucket list location for me, and I got to experience it with one of my best friends in the whole entire world so yeah, super special <33
before i get into it, i just wanna say thank u for sharing your thoughts with me - I know it takes a fair amount of time to send an ask like this and so I really appreciate it!!
i always like to think of my jk characters as multiverse versions of each other. there are similarities that run through (after all, they're all based on the same muse!!), but they all have different lives that shape them into the character they are.
ahhh cv <3 im currently in the process of doing some edits to it and honestly I wish I had more time to devote crafting it into an even better story. i love the world the world of cv - I'm constantly thinking about the spin off stories I could write (like hobis, gawwd I wanna explore his experience of colour!!)
I know it’s silly to say that I’m a changed person for it.
i'm always in such a state of disbelief whenever I read things like this. to know I've had an impact - and a positive one at that - is just wild to me, and you'll never know how appreciative I am.
writing these stories has really been helpful for me, and sometimes can be a way that I process my own issues. I'm a changed person for them, too.
thank you thank you thank you for this overwhelmingly gorgeous display of kindness.
im so lucky <3
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skeletonsinboth · 8 months
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Hello I'd like to sell you on Anne of Green Gables:
It's not just classic literature, it's classic kids literature which means it's a pretty breezy read
Anne is a blueprint for Taylor and her fans, quintessential girl-who-just-feels-so-much and demands beautiful things from a world that is cold to her
The series ages up as Anne does, by the end you're following her children and it's really beautiful
L.M. Montgomery was a complex and often depressed woman who wrote deeply and unbreakable optimistic characters to help her cope with her own doubts in the value of hope and love and if there's anything we could all use now it's a reminder that hope and love are worth searching for
Anne is a goofy little girl who makes me laugh so much
You can go as slow as you want because each chapter tells a whole story it's very episodic you don't have to devote your whole brain to reading it
Anyways I hope you have so much fun camping and when you feel like reading Anne if you ever do I hope she helps you the way she's always helped me ❤️
Thank you so much for sending this im 🥺🥺🥺
I didn't realize the series went so far into her life that's really cool! And it's great that the chapters are episodic thank you for telling me that bc my biggest problem with reading is my attention. Even if it's a book im really interested in, it takes me a long time to get through a whole book and it can be discouraging with novels when I forget where I left off. Everything the museum said about L.M. Montgomery was really interesting too!! The way you described Anne as a girl who just feels so much is so sweet and makes me even more interested bc that's ME!!
It's kinda funny bc my first introduction to the story was this girl I know wanting to show me Anne with an E and we watched the first ep together. And I liked it ! But this girl is,, not a Nice Person ,, and I associated the books and show with her from that. Which just made me kinda uninterested. But now that I visited the house (and it was so cool and pretty and I got cool aesthetic pictures) i think the association will change for me. And the edition I got is soooo pretty and that always motivates me to read more too 💀
I'm gonna try to start it today!! I really wanna get into it :) thank you for sending this and sharing about a story that's important to you seriously i was so 🥺🥺🥺🥺 reading this ily
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transskywardsword · 8 months
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Oh hey!! I've finished sksw so I was really curious and wanted to hear your thoughts about Ghirahim and Demise :DD only if you wanna of course!! I had no idea that Ghirahim's and Link's last confrontation was gonna be THAT dramatic lmao. Though there is one thing I'm curious about!! I've seen a handful of Ghirahim enjoyers saying that Ghirahim resented Demise for throwing him aside? When if anything Ghirahim looked more than happy to serve Demise even if I meant being back into a sword?
Really I'd just love to hear your thoughts cause there's So Much going on there that I don't have the slightest idea where to start sjsjsjs
okay im an totally out of it rn (gotta love heat exhaustion, i work outside and it was 105 degrees today and i got very heat sick) but i could talk about ghirahim for hourssss so THANK YOU
so, i think people so often simplify ghira to just 'minion', but that does both him and demise a huge disservice. so we know ghira is a sword spirit like fi-- she is the master sword and he is demise's blade. so just as fi was 'programmed' (for lack of a better word) to serve link and then grew attached regardless, i see the exact same happening with ghira. pre imprisonment, he served demise out of expectation, but throughout the battles and demise's temporary defeat, that grew into actual emotional attachment. the sheer amount of emotional outbursts he has in skyward sword is proof enough to me of his connection w demise, but i think hyrule warriors REALLY shows how he has grown past simple duty into genuine dedication. ghirahim serves hw ganondorf bc ganon is tied to demise, but his fight dialogue shows a very fast, very intense devotion. ghira isn't the type to jump to serving someone so quickly; i think his connection with hw ganon is a sign of his dedication to demise, even after demise is sealed permanently. he is desperate for any connection to demise, and hw ganon is a means to an end to get that.
i don't see ghirahim as tossed aside by demise right before the last battle as much as i see him be a little frightened of loosing the agency he had developed. he'd been given rule of the surface, and obviously enjoyed that, and demise returning him to the sword rips that away from him, which i don't think he enjoyed very much lol. BUT i also think he got over that reaaaal quick, bc to him, he means nothing in comparison to demise. demise is his master, almost godlike in ghirahim's dedication to him. if demise asked him to walk of a cliff, ghira would skydive off it. demise placing him back into the sword was a little upsetting to ghira, but ultimately was minuscule emotionally in comparison to the pleasure of serving his master.
ultimately, while ghirahim is a sword spirit, i see him taking the spot of demise's champion/hero, just like the first hero did for hylia. he seems too valued (based on him being made ruler of the surface) to be 'just' some spirit, and demise obviously trusts him to resurrect him, which ghirahim ends up successfully doing! they are not equals in any means, but i do think ghirahim is seen more as a companion to demise than hylia saw fi. (i could take for hours abt hylia and fi but thats for another time) After all, if he was just some spirit, why would demise give him a personality, especially such a big one? demise made him like that instead of a calculating robot, and that makes me think he did so with the intention of ghirahim being in a role of power, fighting beside him, more than he intended ghira to be 'just' the sword, ya know?
and a note on ghirahim and fate: i think demise goes after the triforce not bc he's ~evil~ demon king, but bc he's been forced to take up the mantle of a god of darkness by the golden goddesses and fate. hylia is a goddess of light, of purity, and in loz it is made explicitly clear in multiple games that light needs a dark. i see din/nayru/farore as creating demise to be that dark. he is fated to be evil, and wouldn't that piss you off? wouldn't that make your furious? to be born just with the intent to be horrible? to be fated to be evil? so i think demise accepted fate and went 'fuck it ill be evil'. seeing his master do so really convinced ghirahim that fate is real, and that things happen for a reason, though he still very much feels he has control and free will.
anyways, this is mostly word voimit bc im sick and can't think straight but ahhhhh ghirahim is my fav villain in the whole franchise i love him so much!!! thank youuuuuu
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orionsangel86 · 1 year
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Following the release of the pilot of that bloody Winchester prequel yesterday, a lot of people have been excitedly posting interviews and articles on it and starting up the meta and spec again. I thought I'd be able to avoid seeing it on here but this is the SPN website so clearly that was a bad assumption.
Thing is, I genuinely believed I was okay. This year has been SO GOOD for me for healing the wounds that SPN carved into me. With OFMD, WWDITS, The Sandman, IWTV, and now Good Omens 2 news I have been happily existing in a little joy filled bubble everytime I come on Tumblr.
I just scrolled past a post which had screenshots of an article from Robbie Thompson on the Winchesters. I thought I'd read it out of curiosity. I shouldn't have.
It brought everything back. Talk of the Winchester brothers and how "theres no Dean if there aint no Sam" and how they arent changing a damn thing about SPN canon, and how we will find out where Dean is, with the writer speculating he's telling the story from heaven...
I don't know why, but it hurt.
It was like something had decided to prod really hard at the old SPN scars, the ones that never really healed right to begin with, and are still jagged and tender even after 7 months of solid healing thanks to only consuming media that actually respects me as a person.
I haven't felt that kind of pain since Jared Padalecki last opened the hole in his face to spew bullshit about how the finale from Hell was so perfect and right for the brothers *gags*.
It wasnt even a bad article, but it acknowledged things I had tried to erase from my head. God. Im so fucked up. That horrible show fucked me up so much. I wanted to just shut down tumblr and mentally check myself out for a bit and put on the Dreamcast on spotify or something, but I had to get this off my chest, even if people read this and think im fucking moronic for caring so much and wasting energy on this stupid show and why do I care right?
7 fucking years I devoted to that horseshit show. 7 fucking years I held it in my heart and adored it even though the whole time it clawed and carved at me and hated me because I wasnt the audience it wanted.
One little article and I feel like ive been triggered even though that word should be far too strong for something as stupid as getting emotional over a TV show. Im having a minor breakdown in my living room at 10pm on a Wednesday night in 2022 over fucking SPN.
I dont even know why im openly admitting this on the spn website when I know its gonna subject me to hate and a whole mass loss of followers but I had to get this out. I had to write it down. Its so difficult to express how this show makes me feel. I dont wanna be the one you all roll your eyes at and call a negative anti but I also don't understand how everyone else seems to have slipped so easily back into old habits.
I wanna scream at everyone not to be fooled. But I dont wanna stamp on other peoples joy either. So I guess I gotta remove myself from the equation here. Fool me once etc etc.
Im gonna have to unfollow some long term mutuals, especially those that arent tagging content. If you correctly tag every winchester related post and reblog then at least my filters will block them, but if they slip through im gonna have to unfollow. I cant be having 10pm meltdowns over SPN at this point in my life. Not when there is so much good stuff out there to be focusing on instead.
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guru-gu · 7 months
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commitment
hi yesterday i saw a blog post from ali abdaal saying that a really lifechanging exercise is writing 1000 words per day. so here i am. I'll first try to keep this up for 10 days and see where it goes. see as a student athlete i don't have that much time in my life. but if this is really as lifechanging as it says i'll try to make time for it.
see sometimes i think im really committed to shit. like i started gratitude journalling a little over a year ago and I'm still going strong. I'm on my second journal. when i do a chloe ting workout i have to finish it. but i feel like i exude a lot of characteristics of a low commitment character.
sometimes i feel like my commitment is fueled by my own ego. like there reason i commit is because i would be so disappointed in myself. i could do a chloe ting workout before. and it's only 10-15 minutes. but that means i only commit to things that are easy for me. i still think about that time i went to run, prepared to go for 5 kilometers, and ended up running like 1.5 miles before stopping and walking. i had more than enough time to finish—my mom was taking a whole ass to shop at wegmans.
there's so much stuff i do on the computer that's low-commitment. i feel like having wayyy to many tabs open signifies you don't want to shut the idea off yet but you're not devoted enough to take the time to look through it. having a watch list is low commitment when you ignore it for this new show you're introduced to, which looks hot and fresh. i almost sent a scheduled email today bc i wanted to give myself enough time to edit it before it got sent. the machine is committing for me, not me sending the email.
ok but i didn't start this thing just to complain about my commitment. tbh those were more observations, than wining, really. I'm trying to complain less because i noticed people tend not to like it—it brings the mood down or sum. but are people really that affected by what we say? if someone's complaining about something constantly, it starts to get annoying. i mean if it's a group collective oh-my-god this is horrendous, sure it's cathartic. but if it's only one person and we're all experiencing the same thing and it's really not that bad then nah. but if someone else feels sad, ofc I'm gonna feel sad that they're sad, but it's not gonna change my core emotions. like I'm not gonna be upset for the rest of the day, I've got my own life. is that just me? maybe i need to learn greater sensitivity. but i don't feel like that's necessarily a wrong thing to be.
ok commitment. hmmm commitment. i commited to writing 1k words today i really feel like i gotta finish this. i had a friend tell me today that writing 1k words is a hellla lot and I'll burn out. i was like psh whatever but now i can def see how it would drain me if i was tired or sum. 545 words so far. now I'm just stalling
ok you know what i hate i hate hate hate stalling. like time is precious don't you dare waste mine ON PURPOSE. i get rlly frustrated by stonewalling but i rlly gotta understand its not they don't wanna respond but its that they cant bc they're too inundated. well sometimes I've been with people who are hella passive aggressive and it gets on my nerves bc just communicate already?? I'm not gonna know and you're j making me anxious. if you're in the wrong i don't think anxiety should not be a side effect of another person's anger. i think regret and feeling sorry should be the right emotion. you know what?? i think passive aggression is just petty revenge. you WANT the other person to feel worried even though it's a totally irrelevant emotion. just because it eats them away bit by bit inside. it's like if you accidentally stepped on a person's flower bed (and now all their flowers are ruined and dead) and so you decided to chop down their favorite cherry tree. and oh my god don't even get me started if you have a rumination problem. think passive aggression is an anxious person's nightmare.
you know i think typing might be better for journalling than hand writing. because for hand writing i have all these thoughts sand emotions and i feel like i need a lot of words to describe them. brevity is not my forte. to me, almost all words serve some kind of purpose—like a buffer before you arrive at a stronger word, or a deeper exploration into the way the person forms sentences or sum shit—you can really pinpoint all the nuances in emotion. yes journalling seems purer. it's like getting water from a well, while i prefer my poland spring plastic global warming garbage.
speaking of which i have no idea how people even drink well water. it comes from the ground—it's gotta have some dirt in it. i remember in sixth grade we learned they operate on aquifers. some sedimentary rock or sum idk not a geologist.
hmmm 900 words. i cna't tell if this will get trickier or easier as time goes on. i told some people about this which makes me kinda scared bc I'm v much talking unfiltered. do not want to get #cancelled.
also i love talking with hashtags. can we bring that back?
bellbottoms, no. those can stay in the past. never a fan i j always thought they looked kinda disco garish and it was always a bit much, a bit uncoordinated, a bit of walk into the closest blind and spin three times. I'm sorry to anyone who likes the disco theme, perhaps you can teach me to appreciate it.
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Does anyone have spn cross stitch ideas? I've had a (quick) look online and I'm not really vibing w any of the ones I saw so any and all ideas welcome :)
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what do you think the boys think of marriage? i can’t lie, i am a simple person and just want to marry lester and dote on him for the rest of my life 😩
PLEASE NONNIE YOU GOTTA MARRY LESTER!!!!😭🥺❤️ as always, gender neutral reader, no coded language, “you” & Y/N used.
Bo is very much a family man, which shows itself in the ways he takes care of the town like it’s all one big house - HIS house - and looks after his brothers. In some way, he’s the father Lester never had, and he’s the reason Vincent doesn’t starve to death because he forgot to eat for the thousandth time. Bo doesn’t ever let himself think for even a moment that he’ll find someone who will accept the truth of the town and of his family, so he never really considers being a husband one day. If he ever found someone like that, though, someone kind and good to his brothers, devoted to Bo and to his town, then marriage would always be at the back of his mind and those words would be on the very tip of his tongue every time he speaks to you. His momma’s ring is in the back of his underwear drawer and sometimes you’ll catch him lingering there when he’s getting dressed with you in the morning, though you won’t know why for years… and by then, he’s probably convinced himself that you don’t care about marriage and he’s content with the way things are. So why don’t you propose, Y/N, and bring Bo Sinclair to his knees with love for you?
Vincent isn’t all that bothered by the prospect of marriage. He’s found his love - his sculpting, his art, the opera he plays at all hours - and while a relationship would be nice, he can and he will do without it if it never comes his way. He’s not gonna’ go looking for it, especially not with his momma’s work to finish. He and Bo are working so well on it, after all, and Lester is making it easier to find victims, too. He needs only what he already has. Fast forward and you’re in his life and he doesn’t know what he would do without you now that he knows what life with you is like. He starts small, wondering if Bo would let him borrow their momma’s ring ‘til Vincent can fashion you one out of the scrap metal in the sugar mill, and then he catches himself lingering in the doorway when you’re cooking dinner or doing some kind of chore, wondering if this is what domesticity was like for his parents before momma got sick and he and Bo murdered daddy. Vincent would be a quiet lover of the idea of marriage but only with you, Y/N - if it’s not with you, he’s not interested. He’d be a very loving, devoted, possessive husband, but, fuck, the difficulties - of which there would be many - would be worth it.
Lester spends so many hours alone on the same roads, the same weather, the same animals he has to scrape up off the roads, the same truck…. For days and days he can be alone and he talks to himself to fill the silence, singing along to the radio, but he wishes so much that it causes him very real chest ache that there was someone to live his life with, someone who was less dismissive than Bo and more present than Vincent, someone who loved on him as much as he does his best to love on his brothers. He feels sorry for ‘em but he doesn’t wanna’ fuckin’ be ‘em, though he knows he’s stuck in Ambrose just like they are. He dreams of a relationship, of marriage, and when he finds out that you want to marry him and spend the rest of your life loving on him, Y/N? Why, Lester drops to his knees so damn fast that the world spins and his knees are numb and YOU are standing over him and he’s right where he wants to be. He’s a husband already made, he just has to make it official with you. So hold still, darlin’, and let ‘im get somethin’ from the glove box, would ya’? If you’re going to love Lester forever, then he’ll do the same and then some for you, his one and only.
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sour-n-salty-citrus · 3 years
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Do you have any hopes for the season finale? I saw in another ask, you described the dynamic between rick and morty this season as "very weak, distant, and downright frankly boring" and I completely agree with you! I hope that, because this is most we'll see rick and morty interacting this season, it'll have at least a few moments of what makes their dynamic so interesting to watch.
(Ok i started airing my grievances with this season, which ended up being... long, so skip this paragraph (starting at / / /) to get to my thoughts on the finale)
Oh gosh I remember that ask (I think-). And yeah, maybe I'm being a bit overly critical. I'll probably look back on this season with retrospect, and a kinder, fonder view. Ik androgynousblackbox (think thats right) made a great point about it being the season FOR rickorty shippers. And sure, I agree on some bits, like Rick acting all pissy and partying the way you would if your ex got with someone new in the planetina ep. Overall though, i think my problem lies in that I was enjoying more individual moments than episodes themselves, especially the middle three. For example- Amortycan Grickfitti. Like, I really liked the idea of the Ship getting on a crazy adventure with Summer and Morty (and Chutback). I like the idea of a Beth-Jerry-Rick adventure. But put together, it's just kinda... meh? You know? I liked the first half of the Thanksgiving special... but it kinda dragged on after that. I get that they want to give other characters (particularly female ones) more attention, which is completely understandable and i encourage it(!) but I can't help but find it underwhelming. Like, Summer in the voltron ep was like- girl how are you STILL vying for Rick's attention! He's the worst! Haven't we done this already? (I will say though I ADORE how far Beth has come, props to her for continuing to seeing through her dad's BS. I was worried the character would relapse into a more typical s1/s2 Beth, and I'm glad she didn't). Some of these plots, funnily enough, seem more fitting of the comics (they actually had a voltron parody already). Fun and entertaining for two or three-something issues, not so much a 22 minute episode. i think most of my complaints come from the dynamic between our titular characters- ok, I know I'm very biased (I mean you can see it), but I came to the show primarily for their relationship. It doesn't even feel drama-fueled, just that they kinda... can't be arsed. I'm torn because on the one hand, they're unhealthily codependent and this separation is probably a good thing, but on the other... it doesn't feel natural? I'm not sure if that's the right word- it's like, season 4 had them practically joint at the hip, but all that's suddenly flung out the window. It just kinda feels like this "i got better things to do" vibe from both of them and its strange. The only time they both got a solo adventure (I'm classifying "solo" as an adventure where they spent a significantly large portion of time together, without the other family members) was in the sperm ep and Thanksgiving ep. And, well, in the Thanksgiving ep Morty felt like a side character in his own show, and the sperm ep... um. Yeah. I don't think it's AS bad as people were saying, but I was cringing the whole time (the second hand embarrassment for Morty was so strong I had to turn off the episode multiple times and return to it. It's just like- godammit MORTY). And I think there's good reason those two seemed to be the most disliked episodes overall. They're the ones RaM spend the most time together and it's... meh. Meh? Meh. I don't mean to say the season overall is bad (it has loads of good points, and its amazing for Smith family as a whole) just that if we're talking specifically about the dynamic between these two? Yeah, I wouldn't recommend a single episode from this season so far to use as an example of their relationship.
/ / /
There's one thing this season has been pretty good at, though. And it's showing us what happens when Rick is alone.
And that brings me to the finale.
"Who is Rick without Morty?"
Well... we already know the answer to that. Pathetic. Sad. Lonely.
This season has been phenomenal in humbling Rick. (And trust me I'm happy for it- every time someone beats the crap outta this shitty old man I'm like YES!!! IT'S WHAT HE DESERVES!). Ep 1 had his "nemesis" clearly besting him, ep 2 had Beth making constant digs (love her) and overall pointing out his extreme callousness and cruelty towards even himself(ves). Ep 3- when Morty shows interest in a girl and ditches him (like seriously it's not like he's moving out, chill) he immediately goes on a bender and develops a deep attachment to the first person he can (wearing yellow, funnily enough). Ep 4, he devotes himself to becoming an "honest man" for his new child, only for it to instantly be taken away from him. Ep 5 highlights how RICK is the asshole for making fun of and taking advantage of someone well-meaning and honest, if "simple", and how literally not cool that is. Ep 6 has his crazy rivalry with the president, and they both get smacked down a couple pegs for that. Ep 7 shows what happens when he allows himself to get carried away, and that he can end up driving everyone else away in the process (lucky they still wanted to save his ass when he needed them). And episode 8? Hooooo boy. Episode. 8. We see a direct parallel in Birdperson with Morty, and the whole "Rick and [insert] 100 years!" Rick has few people he cares about, arguably only one or two that he truly devotes himself to, but when he does, boy does he go HARD. We see younger Rick, optimistic, energetic, friendly and hopeful. And we see all of that crushed in minutes. Rick is desperate for a companion, someone to see the stars with. He needs someone there, someone he can trust and rely on to stay. Someone like Morty. So without Morty, who is Rick?
No one.
And the thing is, Morty doesn't need Rick anymore. Not like Rick needs him. In season 1, Morty was this bright-eyed kid who was new to the cosmos and the multiverse, who needed his grandpa there with him as they explored all these places together. But that's not him anymore. That's not them.
The promo has Morty using the portal gun to go somewhere w/o Rick's permission (i like to think it's boob world lol). It doesn't matter to me as much where he's going, as much as he's doing it alone. He doesn't just not need Rick there, he doesn't want him.
(Also correct me if im wrong but I've missed that sweet portal gun so much. I think the last ep was like- the first time this season we saw it).
Morty's response to Rick? "Replace me!". And wow. Wow. WOW. Morty doesn't give a FUCK! I think Rick thinks that because he's so smart, that he can offer so much, that Morty will come crawling back, and I don't think he will.
Hopes for the finale! Hmm. I mean, I definitely hope "evil" Morty makes a reappearance, haha. I think we all do tbh ;). I want to see some Morty development too, this season has been very Rick-centric (not that there's anything wrong with that!) so I wanna see what's in store for Our Boy. I really hope we get to see the Citadel again, and see the state it's in, but I doubt it. We know something super big is in store, it's just a question of what? Other hopes I have is some Summer + Beth action (please let them team up Im BEGGING) and Jerry too ahaha. I'd love if some other side characters made an appearance as well. Oh- I'm definitely expecting a dramatic cliffhanger at the end of the first half leading to the second half, with the kind of angsty music that leads into the credits (pls that shit is so good (OH WAIT imagine if it was like, for the damaged coda, but like- the chopin version or smth so it could be more subtle maybe bruhhhh)). Ok haha, maybe that's asking too much, the writers made it clear in the story train ep that they weren't gonna do that big dramatic showdown (... unless 👀). Oh, I'd also love some Premium Angst too, like someone getting kidnapped/nearly dying (like ACTUALLY nearly dying). These stakes better be so damn high I could spear a man on them! OH, also I remember androgynousblackbox (is that right? I hope it is) mentioned something along the lines that they could be driving Rick and Morty apart this season in order to have them come back together stronger than ever in an explosive finale, which, I'm strongly hoping for myself.
Thanks if you made it this far! If you have any thoughts on or hopes of your own for the finale please feel free to share! :D
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theautumnisnoble · 3 years
Text
we'll learn to swim in the oceans you made
After listening to Shirtsleeves by Ed Sheeran this scenario immediately came into mind, also heavily inspired by Jenn Im's pregnancy youtube video titled, "We're Pregnant!"
[Also a very big thank you to A (@solhwippedsubs on twt and holdoutandwin on ao3) for beta-reading this. I love you my solhwi fluff confidant!]
Word Count: 2k words
"Wake up!" Sol removes the comforter that was covering his husband's body and started shaking him. "Han Joon Hwi, ireona!"
"Mmm, Sol-ah. Why?" Joon Hwi covered his eyes with his arm to shield them from the rays of sunlight and wondered why the love of his life was forcing him out of their bed so early in the morning.
"Ireona! Jebal.." Joon Hwi immediately shot up as Sol's voice started to crack and he examined her face. Sol teared up and Joon Hwi noticed she was holding something tightly, stick close to snapping into half.
"Babe, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Joon Hwi held both of her arms and looked up at her.
Sol had been so emotional these days, well, more than she usually is. Sol always has been a passionate ball of fury, but Joon Hwi especially had it rough this week. He doesn't find Sol annoying or tiring for any of that matter, but he would wonder why Sol would suddenly cry or get mad at him for absolutely no reason, and if there was, then he avoided asking it as when he did that one time, Sol only got more mad at him. There was also yesterday when Joon Hwi sprayed on himself the perfume that Sol gifted to him on their wedding anniversary last April and Sol suddenly pinched her nose close and walked outside of their bedroom. And now, Sol was in tears, sobbing, at 7 am in the morning.
"Babe.. I'm starting to worry. What's wrong?"
"I told you to be careful!!!" Sol lightly punched his shoulder and bawled.
Joon Hwi raised his arm and wiped her tears using the sleeves of his sweater, pulling on the cloth with his fingers. "What did I do wrong? Calm down for a sec and tell me.."
"Don't tell me to calm down!"
"O-okay." Joon Hwi surrendered for a while and let Sol release all of her emotions. Moments later, her sobs started to simmer down and Joon Hwi opened his arms wide. "C'mere."
Sol bended down and let Joon Hwi's arms circle around her. Her lower body slowly went closer to him and then she sat on his lap, her shoulder against his chest. Joon Hwi wiped down the dampness on her face and caressed her arm. "Now, babe, talk to me, okay? I'm never gonna know what I did wrong if you won't tell me."
Sol faced him and tried to form intelligent words. "Well, you—"
"Hmm?"
"I'm—" Her mouth started to form into a pout and tears started fall again from her eyes. "Joon Hwi-ah." She released sobs again and buried her face into his neck. Joon Hwi sighed and patted her arm.
"Babe—"
"I'm pregnant."
Joon Hwi paused his movements and pulled his head back away, lightly pushing Sol by her shoulders, to let Sol face him. Sol's eyes wandered down to her left hand and Joon Hwi followed them, then he grabbed the stick from her hand.
It was a pregnancy test. Two red-dyed lines. Positive.
Joon Hwi faced Sol, his lips starting to form into a smile. "Babe—"
"I told you to be careful!!" Sol again whimpered, tears still falling.
"W-what? Is it because I—"
"Nevermind!" Sol wiped her tears in a rash way and breathed out to calm herself down. "I-it's actually not your fault." Sol now realized the irrationality of her internal reasoning.
Joon Hwi held back a chuckle and tucked a hair behind his wife's ear.
"Remember April?"
"When we shared a sloppy kiss under the rain?" Joon Hwi tried to lighten the mood by reminding her how they had to walk all the way to the bus stop under the heavy pouring rain, just right after they had their wedding anniversary date at a fine dining restaurant four months ago. It was a funny, but sweet memory.
"No! Before that, when I got diagnosed with PCOS."
"Aah."
It left Sol and Joon Hwi almost hopeless for a child when she was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. But Sol, even before that, was convinced she didn't need to have kids and that she was satisfied with her life with Joon Hwi, content that they'd be that couple with no children. They were already busy with their very time-demanding jobs and Sol— she convinced herself she wouldn't be competent with the whole mothering a child thing. But after knowing her condition, the question, "should I?" turned to "could I?". The condition that would possibly rob her of the choice eventually made her think about how it wouldn't be so bad, because Joon Hwi was there. So after the news of her condition, she decided on one thing.
"A-after that I got off birth control." Joon Hwi nodded and listened to Sol, who was still tearing up a bit, and he also wiped down those tears when he could.
"Then yesterday, when I realized I wasn't on my period yet, I got to read my period calculator and saw that I- I was 16 days late." Sol exhaled for courage.
"Then I bought the pregnancy test." Sol paused and looked at Joon Hwi, and her face looked like she was about to burst again. Her lips were shaking and her eyes were still crystal with tears ready to fall. She was scared.
"You can take it slow, I'll be here. I won't stop listening." Sol released a small smile, tidied her face and tucked in her stray hairs, preparing to tell Joon Hwi more while also now trying to relax herself.
"I didn't know if I should take it though. I mean, everything would change if I was pregnant. But I did wanna know, I wanted to be certain. And it said that I should use my morning pee for it so I waited until morning."
"But you hardly even slept.." Joon Hwi recalls her wife tossing and turning beside him, and then ultimately giving up trying to sleep then went downstairs. He bets on Sol reading up on her cases, which works as an alternative sleeping pill for her.
Ever since she was diagnosed with PCOS, Sol really took effort into having a more healthy lifestyle— like exchanging coffee for matcha, this among other things, and also trying to get some more sleep. So Joon Hwi knew that Sol would definitely try to catch up on sleep.
"I did, a bit." She smiled. "So, after that I took it just earlier. A-and I tested positive." Sol's emotions now returned to her and she closed her eyes, her eyebrows furrowed and tears started to fall again.
"I'm scared." She looked at him. "I don't know if I'm gonna be a good mother. I feel like I should be happy or something, but I'm just really scared." Sol now covered her face with both palms and cried, Joon Hwi pulled her in to embrace her.
"Babe.." He patted her back.
"What if I try my best, and our kid still doesn't love me?" That was it. Sol released another wave of sobs and her body shook against Joon Hwi's embrace.
Sol thought she wasn't ready. Even if it was her choice to get off birth control, she didn't think she would immediately become pregnant. After all, her doctor said it was now almost impossible to be. In her mind, pregnancy would change everything— from how much devotion she has to her work to maybe how her and Joon Hwi's relationship would change, and maybe for the worst. And she didn't like change, her idealistic plans for her future would need to be altered, and she also didn't like how it would most likely change their marriage. She couldn't have that, she couldn't live with a ruined marriage because she didn't want anything to change between Joon Hwi and her, and she also couldn't live with her child possibly having to live through all that. And what if he gets tired of taking care of me? And tons of other doubts and insecurities showered her.
Why does my mind do this? Sol asked herself. Why can't I just be excited? Joon Hwi is the father of this child. I'm sure he's disappointed in me right now.
Joon Hwi pulled away after she calmed down. He wiped her face, again with his already damp shirtsleeves. He placed short kisses on her wet cheeks and cupped her face. "Sol, I believe in you."
Sol melted and her lips turned into a pout, her face still showing fear and uncertainty.
"I'm with you, whatever your decision is. I will be always there for you as I always have. If you arrive to whichever decision, I will give you my opinion but at the end I will always support you. If you don't want to have the baby, I'll still be here. If you want to try and see it through the end, I will be happy and help you every step of the way. I'm your husband Sol-ah. I know you don't trust yourself that much yet, but trust in me. "
Sol put her arms around him and hugged him tight. "I love you Sol. We'll take it slow, step by step. I know you're panicking right now, but there's no rush. We'll do it together. You're never gonna be alone. I'll be there every single step of the way. And I'm sure our kid will love you. You were an amazing older sister to Byeol and you still are, she adores you so I'm sure our kid will, too."
"I love you Joon Hwi. I love you so much. I love you."
"You love me that much?"
Sol pulled away, annoyed. Joon Hwi released a chuckle.
"I love you too."
"You sure I can do it?" Sol asked. "Being a mom? What if I'm going to be too busy for it?"
"We can always ask Byeol to babysit. Or your mom, she has said she already wants a grandchild."
"You always know the solution to things don't you?" Sol rolled her eyes.
"That's why I'm the perfect husband to the ever worrier Eomma Sol."
"Eomma Sol?" Sol raised her voice, taken aback by the sudden nickname.
"And I'm Appa Joon Hwi. " Then Sol bursted out, laughing. Her tears were now drying on her cheeks and she was more relaxed now.
"See? It's cute." I just wanted to see you smile. Joon Hwi thought.
Sol pulled him into a hug again. "You better not regret being a father to our child, Han Joon Hwi-ssi."
Joon Hwi let himself fall into bed, taking down Sol with her. They both laughed and Joon Hwi pulled her into a kiss, tasting the bitterness and sadness of her tears. They made out, feeling at home and Sol, feeling assured and loved by the person in front of her. Joon Hwi kissed her, tasting the ocean, drowning in the one she made.
"I will never regret it. I will fulfill all the promises I made on our wedding day, to be by your side, To support you, to be a loving husband, to be always there to annoy you—" Sol laughed, remembering his one-liner during their exchange of wedding vows. "To always wake and sleep beside you whenever I can, and to never leave your side." They both smiled at each other and Joon Hwi placed a kiss on her forehead. They pull each other close, feeling each other's warmth. And Sol is now close to slumber, fatigued after her nonstop crying.
"I'll be the happiest father to our child. Of course I will, you're the mother, after all."
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glassartpeasants · 4 years
Text
I’m Sorry
Shigaraki x Reader
Warnings: Angst, like REALLY ANGST
A/N: I came up with this at work, i literally wrote down an entire plot to a story in about 30 minutes. I don’t know if i should feel proud or ashamed
~~~
You sat in your car sighing heavily as you put the seat down to look up at the stars, since you had opened your sunroof. Your arms going behind your head to create a make shift pillow as you waited for your boyfriends response.
Tomura Shigaraki, Leader of the League of villains was your boyfriend, and god did you love him. You loved him more then anything else in the world. But for some reason it felt like he was ignoring you. You look at the text your sent and just stared at it wondering if you said something wrong. You scanned over it again realizing he just hadn’t opened it yet.
You grab the necklace that was hanging around your neck and fiddle with it between your fingers. The metal reminding you of when he officially asked for you to be his.
The necklace was a symbol of devotion to one another. You always wore the necklace cause it made you feel butterflies every time you looked at it. Shigaraki always wore his too. It was so romantic,
Well it was romantic.
You had noticed recently that he stopped wearing it, or forgetting. You didn’t mind at first cause everyone’s forgetful sometimes but it did bother you when it became a regular thing. He’d always say he left it on his nightstand or took it off when he was going to bed. These were all rational explanations but he didn’t even bother to put it back on. It felt like you guys were drifting apart, which ripped a hole right through your heart.
Not to mention every time you went into the hideout, everyone gave you looks of pity. You don’t know why they did but you weren’t gonna question it. You refused to believe that Shigaraki would do anything to hurt you.
~~~
After your little session in the car you had gone grocery shopping for the League, something you would do often. They gave you a list of food they wanted and you got it for them.
You packed up all the groceries in your car and drove towards the building. You smiled all the way there. They didn’t know you were coming it was going to be a suprise! Oh won’t Shigaraki be happy!
You park outside the building and as you got out you see a lady coming out of the building you’ve never seen before. Normally you wouldn’t mind someone like that but...
She had Shigaraki’s hoodie on.
“Hey wait miss! Can i speak to you?” You said running up to her.
“Oh of course, what do you need?”
“Um i was wondering where you got the jacket from? I really like it.” You lie, you wanna know why this woman has your man’s jacket on, but you wanna hear what she has to say first before you go ape shit.
“Oh its my boyfriends! Isn’t it cool! That’s not the only thing he got me either, he gave me this necklace as well. He told me that as long as i have this on, it would show how much i love him. Isn’t that romantic!” Your heart shattered in your chest. You couldn’t believe it. No you wouldn’t, he said he only loved you. How long as this affair been going on? You needed more answers.
“That’s super awesome! How long have you guys been dating?” You smile holding back your tears and the burning urge to scream out of your chest.
“Almost 1 year!” She was so happy, could you tell her? Would she even believe you? She seemed even more happy then you been for the part 2 months, she seemed to be everything you weren’t.
Long hair, curvy, not an inch of skin imperfections, and lets not forget how much bigger her chest was compared to yours. She was everything a man could ever want. Hell she was there for most of your relationship, you guys have been dating for a year and 4 months.
“IM so happy for you! I have to go but i hope to see you later!” You lie through your teeth, you never wanted to see her again.
She drove off while you open the doors to the building looking down as tears streamed your face, your lungs burning with the need to scream and sob.
You open the door to the main room where Shigaraki sat with, Dabi, Spinner. Toga, and Twice. Your arms shaking as you could feel everyone staring at you.
“(Y/N) what brings you here?” Spinner asked before you pushed past him, you grabbed the necklace from off your neck, pulling it off letting bits and pieces of the chain to fall onto the floor. You throw the necklace at Shigaraki before slapping him across the face.
“How fucking dare you! Your such an inconsiderate piece of shit! You thought i wouldn’t find out?! Was she good huh?! Was she worth it?!” Your screams could e heard through the entire building, everyone’s eyes on you as you screamed at their leader. Shigaraki’s eyes were wide, you could see it behind father.
“I-”
“Don’t say a thing! I should have never agreed to be your girlfriend! Was it because she had a better body then me?! Did she satisfy your fucking needs?!” Your rage was outstanding as more tears streamed down your face, the pain of knowing your supposed love of your life was going around with other women. Shigaraki said nothing as he took the screams, his eyes soon looked uninterested and bored, which only fueled your fire.
“You know what fuck you, i wish i never met you. Enjoy that bitch cause im done!” You only cry more as you ran out of the room and out of the building, getting into your car and driving off.
Shigaraki didn’t move an inch as trying to keep his composure. But on the inside he was shaking. He was going to break it off he promised! He was going to the next time he saw her, why couldn’t you have come a little later? Why did you just show up damn you!
Your words cut like knives into Shigaraki’s skin, as the image of you crying kept replaying in his head.
“Nice job Handman.” Shigaraki turned his head towards the burnt male.
“IT’s not your place to talk so shut the hell up.”
“It’s not your place to talk either, must suck knowing the girl that would have taken a bullet for you left you. But can’t say i didn’t see this coming.” Shigaraki stayed silent. He didn’t want to say anything he just wanted to figure out a way to make you come back.
~~~
1 month later
Ice cream.
As stereotypical as that sounds, ice cream had become your best friend for the past few weeks. You just ate your heart away, not mentioning that you threw up everything you ate.
After your fight with Shigaraki you blocked him on everything. His number? Blocked. His gamer profile? Blocked. Everything was blocked.
You had even moved to another part of town, he knew where you lived so you just deiced to up and leave, your lease was over soon anyways. You thankfully found another apartment. It was small but it was perfect for you.
You’ve watched the news a few times looking for any sign of Shigaraki and his plans. But nothing occurred.
“Aw shit-” You ran to the bathroom as fast as you could about to throw up everything you ate that day.
~~~
“Well fuck.” You look down at the home pregnancy test. A positive home pregnancy test.
“What do i do now?” You sat down on the bathroom floor looking up at the ceiling. You liked kids so having on shouldn’t be a problem right? 
But the fact that it was your cheating ex’s is the problem...
“No! I will not think about that crusty rat anymore! I don’t need him to be happy i have everything i need right here!” You say to yourself as you get up off the bathroom floor.
“I will take care of this baby and I’ll be the best mother that their could possibly be!” You hype yourself up as smile to yourself. He may be Shigaraki’s child ut that doesn’t mean you can’t love your kid. You would love the kid to the ends of the earth, and no cheating ex will stop that.
~~~
Shigaraki laid down on his bed staring at the ceiling, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He couldn’t help it, he’d actually lost you.
He tried contacting in in every form possible, once he realize you blocked his number. Once he called from a payphone only to find out you changed your number as well.
He broke off ties with the other girl, hoping it would bring you back. Which it didn’t. 
Now he was alone again, the feeling of emptiness crept back up from the depths of his mind as his bed was cold. Your body no longer there to warm it. It ate him alive, the realization that he would never feel your fingertips brush through his hair again or the comforting words you said that put him to sleep.
His thoughts were his own worse enemy, he hated how much that fateful day replayed in his head. Over and over again until it corrupted his everyday life.
His bitterness was soon taking over. The madness that was Tomura Shigaraki slowly crept into his thoughts. Corrupting them, warping his mind making it seem like you were in the wrong not him.
He couldn’t bare to handle the insufferable guilt that he felt so he occupied himself with work. Running the LOV to escape the fractured pieces of his mind.
Within 3 months you were no longer plaguing his mind.
~~~
We skipping to when reader give birth
As you laid down in the hospital bed with your newborn child in your hand you couldn’t help but tear up. 
You were 100% sure that your little girl was going to look like her dad, hell she even had the same eyes and mole. 
But you couldn’t dwell on the fact she didn’t have a single feature of yours yet all you could think about was the amazing smile she gave you as soon as she saw you.
“Aren’t you just the sweetest little thing.” You cooed at the baby as she giggled at you. She reached her little chubby baby hands at you and grabbed your nose. You chuckled before giving her a kiss on the cheek as you sung her a little lullaby in your arms.
~~~
2 Years later
You watch the TV as the war keeps going on. Fighting and war is all people seem to do nowadays. You were afraid, your not even scared to admit it. After hearing about Shigaraki and learning that He’s now the leader of a huge army made you very scared for your daughter. HE may not know she exists but it still scares you.
You sigh at the Tv before getting up and putting on your jacket getting ready to pick up your daughter from your parents house.
You step out of your door and lock it before going down to your car. Putting your purse in the passenger seat as you buckled up and started the car before pulling out on the road.
Little did you know someone was watching...
~~~
“Pwease! pwetty pwease!” Your daughter whined trying to convince you to let her play on the swings near your parents house. You looked at your daughter as she gave you the puppy eyes.
“Fine, your lucky i love you so much.” You daughter squealed as she ran to the swing and waited for your help.
You laugh as you put your daughter in the baby swing and push her a little bit. Her baby blue hair moving along with the motions. You were right when she got her appearance from Shigaraki but she had your facial features.
‘At least she got something from me’ You chuckled to yourself before you hear your daughters giggles grow quiet.
“Sweetie what’s wrong?” Concern wired in your voice. She kept on looking on the other side of the street, so you look too.
Once your eyes were scanning for a bit they blew wide open as a patch of similar blue hair caught your vision.
No it couldn’t be....you moved how did Shigaraki... how did he find you?
You pick up your daughter before quickly walking towards your car. You car was in eye sight before a gruff voice stopped you in your tracks.
“Is she mine....”You back stiffened as you felt his eyes burning into you. There was no escaping him at this moment.
“Mommy who’s that?” Your daughter asked, her little body trembling as she looked at the hooded man in fear.
“Shigaraki, take your hood off your scaring her.” Your voice stern, laced with poison as all the emotions waved over you once more.
“You know i can’t do that. Answer my question, is she mine.” His voice laced in the same poison you once spoke in.
“No shit sherlock.” You look at him as you hear him let out a huff of air.
“Can...can i see her...” His voice was weak as you saw his hand twitch. HE refused to look at you the entire time.
“You think I’d let you see her?! Shigaraki look at yourself! Your an S-Class villain! If people saw you with her they’d go after her! Im not letting you see her.”
“I know im a villain but she’s my kid too damnit!”
“You didn’t even know she existed! Why now huh?! Why after almost 3 years do you decide to show up now huh?!” Your voice shooting daggers into Shigaraki’s heart once more.
He happened to stumble by you guys on accident, he was walking home from getting a new game when he heard your voice. It may have been years but he could always remember your lullaby you use to sing him to sleep. He walked over to your location and dropped the game on to the cold concrete as he saw you holding a little girl in your arms.
His crimson eyes widen as he stared at the exact copy of himself. There was no way, how could you not have told him?
“Let me guess you accidentally saw us and now you want to be with me again?!” You screamed at him but immediately stopped when you heard sniffling coming from the little girl in your arms.
“Hey, Hey its okay Sayori, mommy’s just a little angry that’s all, im sorry for screaming.” You say as your run your fingers through her hair.
“Please...just...can i not even look at her.....” You could hear it, the pain in his voice. The tiniest part inside you begging you to give him another chance but the realization of having to protect your daughter over through your love for him.
“No. Shouldn’t have cheated. Not going to let my baby be in harms way because her father can’t seem to keep his dick in his pants.” You turn around and walk away leaving Shigaraki at the playground as you drove off.
Shigaraki felt his soul leave his body as his knees gave out. He started to sob uncontrollably. The once dormant flashbacks of your heartbroken face now replayed in his mind once again. 
Hiccuping as his sobs became much more inaudible. He felt like shit, the thought of his turning up like his father blew his mind as it only added to the pain. Images of what could have been a happy family replay in his head as he could just imagine a world where he has you by his side and his daughter in his arms.
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hanijunk · 3 years
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Alright boys, girls, and nonbinary folks of the world. It’s 5:36am (1/30 when I first started) as I decide to give up on my attempt to continue to focus on learning statistics, avoid studying for my two upcoming midterms, and put off my two actual essays for two different classes.
Instead we’re going into a dive about ✨ KazuFuuma ✨ . Is this me telling you you gotta ship it? No of course not, you’re entitled to your own ships! You don’t really gotta care about it as a ship. But I do want people to recognize it’s THERE canonically, and how disregarding it is extremely unfair to Kazuki as a character particularly. Also, I’m working on the assumption anyone clicking this at least knows the bare bones about what KazuFuuma (ex. You know they are a ship of Kazuki/Fuuma from Dolce, you know they are childhood friends, you know who Dolce is, you know about Honeyworks, etc.) I’ll be making references to specific things, but I won’t always go into heavy detail. Might just hope you know it or take my word for what it is, and go into analyzing it. Some I’ll put direct references to find, but some I’ll trust you can find it yourself. If you somehow read this MAMMOTH and want reference to a specific thing mentioned, hmu I can help you find it!!
Also I hate tumblr formatting sm if you legit wanna read this 7 page essay but hate tumblr format lmk I'll add it as a google doc link instead too. anYWHO
Before actually getting into the meat of things lemme preface some stuff.
Again it’s like almost 6am so this will be disorganized and very train of thought (and likely long due to the fact when I fly by the seat of my pants I’m known to get unnecessarily extensive). It’s definitely gonna be in large part why it’s important to recognize as a romantic relationship foundation and what about it shapes Kazuki’s character in particular. Maybe a bit of how it’s been built up and its general focus and implications. Dunno yet. We’ll see LMAOO
I say f*ck. Not a lot, just a handful of times. This ain’t something scholarly this is for my own enjoyment so if you don’t like that might not wanna read. And it’s not like spitefully I just curse a lot if you haven’t...read my tags before lol
Again this is through the lens of a Kazuki stan. Of COURSE I’m going to have some level of bias, but if anything that bias may help more than hurt because that means I become FIXATED and think a lot about Kazuki. Which plays into establishing just how important it is that Kazufuuma’s relationship is recognized, especially in a romantic light at this point. Lmfao. 
I’ll have a few more prefaces about the actual content below but to keep this from getting too long if you wanna read come below the cut owo
I have extremely limited knowledge of Japanese just taking a few classes in highschool (so like 3 yrs ago) and live in America. This means a lot of my knowledge is gathered through the english translations of the super duper incredible and lovely people in the Honeyworks fandom who provide translations (delaix and takanenene esp have provided so much for me being able to understand Dolce) and my own limited Japanese paired with Google Translate for things that remain untranslated.
This only will be drawing on information I have come in contact with and have access to and making assumptions based on that, most (if not all) of which is in the public domain. So things like the Dolce Manga Volumes released via Animate, exclusive 4komas, and Light Novels are out of my area for the most part (apart from again snippets of translations thanks to this fandom’s godlike and generous translators).
I will not be drawing on anything from the first Dolce album with the exception of Nade Nade. From a meta standpoint, I consider those songs as songs made as performance media as opposed to character explorations. Nade Nade is the exception because (1) it was released a whole year before the album and (2) you can tell it’s explicitly an exploration of Fuuma and Kazuki’s interpersonal relationship even if it’s in a slightly more performance based context than the songs that came out with the Dolce LNs. Easiest parallel I can make to show this is if you held Non-Fantasy, Yume Fanfare, and Samishigariya up against each other, you could tell the difference in intended audience and intended purpose the same way the Dolce 1st album, Nade Nade, and the songs of the LNs do respectively. Even if there is some basis to ground Kazufuuma, for the purposes of this essay I’ll be acting under the assumption the 1st album falls under the Non-Fantasy equivalent category.
THAT WAS A LOT OF PREFACING CONSIDERING LIKE 2 PPL WILL PROBABLY READ IT I just have a tendency to anytime I do anything analytical lay down ground acknowledgements for myself to work on just...cuz it makes me feel less guilty for any accidental misinformation even if I’m writing towards my future self to read lolll IM SORRY WITHOUT FURTHER TO DO HERE’S THE BRAIN DUMP
First let’s go ahead and establish why it needs to be recognized as an important relationship. Again, I’m a Kazuki stan. He’s my favorite character not only of Dolce but also of the entire Honeyworks series, and as much as I love him for reasons outside the ship, whether you like it or not Kazufuuma is an essential aspect of his character and narrative. Of course there’s the fact that him and Fuuma are childhood friends, so that’s going to in part define their characters and interactions with each other and those around them. They’re both going to be relevant to one another and important to one another’s stories to an even greater extent than the rest of the members of Dolce. But on Kazuki’s side at least, it’s an EXTREME amount. A running plotpoint in Dolce Diary is the sheer amount of dedication Kazuki has to Fuuma and how much his thoughts and decisions are influenced by Fuuma, whether it be how he feels happiest spending time with Fuuma, how he decided to get his piercing to represent he wanted to protect Fuuma, how he doesn’t want to dislike food so he can eat what Fuuma dislikes, etc. Not to mention running jokes about his borderline overprotectiveness and downright possessiveness of Fuuma, how proud he is when Fuuma gets praised, or that one 4koma that literally explicitly states he can read Fuuma’s mind when he thinks motherfucking ‘dirty thoughts’ about his childhood friend (Fuuma). I still don’t know what the fuck to make of that last bit. Genuinely. Or the fact it’s a fucking running joke. As in it’s not a one off. It’s been brought up multiple times. Kazuki what the fuck. 
That’s not to say that he doesn’t have character outside of Fuuma or he doesn’t interact with people other than Fuuma. He’s great friends with Sara, Girisha, and Kippei and is shown time and time again to have fun interactions with all of them, generally acting as the best support friend for every member of the group, not Fuuma alone. For instance how he helps Kippei with his self confidence issues or stays over at Sara’s to protect him from a cockroach (which he fails at lol). Nor is that to say all his interactions involving Fuuma focus solely on his devotion to Fuuma, especially in instances where the manga focuses on Dolce as a group dynamic (though even in that setting there are times where jokes about his devotion are thrown in). He’s kind, he’s stupid, he’s friendly, he’s an amazing character in his own right, and I love him for all those reasons. But that doesn’t change the fact a major part of his character and his character interactions are rooted in Fuuma, and arguably some of his most interesting, eccentric, and notable behaviors and traits revolve around Fuuma (again the mind reading for example).
Hell let’s take it one step further. If you look at the character bios of the Dolce members, you get everyone’s motives for being an idol and interests. Of them, Kazuki is the only one to have another character mentioned directly, not to mention that supporting Fuuma is explicitly stated to be his primary motive as to why he became an idol. Not even Fuuma’s sister is mentioned, though two arguments can be made for this. The first would be that Fuuma’s backstory about wanting to fulfill his dream for himself and his sister was decided later to explain Fuuma’s choice to crossdress though it can be argued it was intentionally done to leave it as a reveal at a later date, to which I would argue I don’t think this backstory was a choice in post. While Fuuma’s dedicated Dolce Diary extra exploring that backstory was released a little less than a year after Dolce was revealed, the preview to set up Fuuma’s backstory was actually the first thing released after the character bios on the Dolce Official Twitter page if you exclude a drawing of Dolce from Yamako. The second argument could be that information about his sister was intentionally withheld to set up the reveal when Fuuma’s extra released to explore it. However, going by that logic (which I do agree with), that would also mean that Fuuma’s inclusion and importance in Kazuki’s character bio also set up his dedicated extra, which I don’t think would be incorrect to assume considering what his actual extra turned out being.
Which brings me to the thing that makes it inexplicable to write off the romantic implications behind Kazufuuma: Kazuki’s dedicated Dolce Diary extra, Suki. I shipped Kazufuuma before even knowing of Suki, sure. But the fact that Suki even exists is a shock to me and drove into me the fact that Kazufuuma wasn’t just my own projection. Again, it’s not a surprise that Fuuma shapes Kazuki’s life. They’re childhood friends, of course they’re going to be important to each other. But this extra explicitly brought Kazuki’s feelings towards Fuuma under a direct spotlight. At first I was thinking oh, this extra was just to acknowledge the fact that Kazuki and Fuuma’s relationship can have romantic implications, but the end of it the conclusion that we got was that it didn’t matter what type of “like” he felt for Fuuma. Originally, I thought it wasn’t anything more than saying there are all types of like, and it doesn’t always need to be explicitly defined, but I appreciated the fact they were aware that they were writing Kazuki in a way that conveyed romantic implications. 
Then I thought about it because, again, I love Kazuki of course I’m going to think about his character extra, and realized...that’s not how these character extras have worked. There are only three character extras out as far as I know and have read: Fuuma, Kippei, and Kazuki. If we look at Fuuma and Kippei’s, each extra had a conclusion, sure, but they didn’t have a resolution. Rather, they were simply setting up explicitly what each character’s primary character arc and conflict were. Fuuma’s extra brought attention to the fact that he’s particularly a crossdressing idol by exploring the motives behind it. His choice to be a crossdressing idol is constantly under fire both by himself and the world around him. He’s not immune to those who consider his crossdressing strange, and a part of his story is both finding people who accept his decision to crossdress and to succeed for himself as a crossdressing idol. It’s an essential part of how we understand and define him as a character and it’s a central part of how he interacts with the world around him. For Kippei, it lays the severity of his insecurity under the spotlight and his journey and motives for improving himself. Again, this isn’t something isolated and resolved in the extra; his extreme insecurity and negativity is constantly affecting how he interacts with practically everyone from his fellow Dolce members to his fans despite the fact in all honesty? He’s fucking insanely talented in his own right, his own brother mentioning how smart he is and how he has amazing reflexes. For Kippei, his negativity is an essential part of how we understand and define him and central to how he interacts with the world as much as Fuuma’s decision to crossdress is to him.
Which brings us back to Kazuki, of course. In his dedicated extra, in the chapter that’s supposed to explore and establish and bring attention to an essential part of his character, the aspect of himself under investigation is how he feels about Fuuma. It’s not just how he behaves around Fuuma, it’s explicitly an exploration of his feelings, on top of the fact it’s explicitly an exploration about whether or not he likes Fuuma r o m a n t i c a l l y. Literally the conflict is spurred on by someone outright asking “Do you like him?” and having to clarify “I mean romantically.” What they decided to focus on for Kazuki’s character and emphasize and establish is that Kazuki’s like towards Fuuma toes the line between friendship and romance. His ambiguous feelings towards Fuuma (if we leave them inconclusive as Suki did) are just like Fuuma’s crossdressing and Kippei’s insecurity in the sense the weight of whatever those feelings may be are seen in how he interacts with the world around him and influences his behaviors. It would be another story if they introduced the potential and shut it down all within the extra, because then his central conflict would to me be less directly open to romantic potential and more simply about how his arc was meant to explore the dynamic of the behavior of an extremely dedicated best friend. The fact that he may be romantically attracted to Fuuma or may be only platonically dedicated to Fuuma is instead something that looms over Kazuki in the same way Fuuma’s decision to crossdress constantly looms over him. It’s what Dolce wanted to point to and say this is Kazuki’s central character conflict and central arc: exploring what type of feelings he has towards Fuuma. 
Sure, it can be argued that there’s only three Dolce Diary character extras, there’s not enough to be sure about that being the purpose of the extras unless we get the other two’s extras. First, at this point I honestly don’t know if or when they’re going to release an extra revolving around Sara and Girisha just because not only has it been over a year and a half since the latest Dolce Diary Character Extra (Kazuki’s) was released despite the gap between the first and latest Dolce Diary Character Extra (Fuuma’s and Kazuki’s) were within a year of release but also because the Dolce 4komas and comics they’ve been posting to Twitter have decreased (last one being over half a year ago) potentially due to them deciding to focus on releasing Dolce manga content through the purchasable volumes instead. (This is not particularly related to the Kazufuuma argument, just wanted to put out there my two cents on what Sara and Girisha’s extra/focal arc would be. Based on a large part of the Dolce Diary in conjuncture with Can’t an Idol Fall in Love, I’d argue Sara’s would be his journey to regain his passion for performing, and if it’s not that I’d say it’d be coming out of his self-imposed isolation and opening up to people again. As for Girisha, I have less of a concrete idea but I’m assuming it’d be something pertaining to how people often misconceive him whether it be in tandem with his determination, his optimism and sociability, or his stupidity/ability to ignore those misconceptions and work past them. But Girisha is treated like the comedic relief 90% of the time so I’m not entirely sure, but his primary conflict is definitely rooted in misconceptions of him being his roadblock imo. #MoreGirishaContentPlz) That being said, I personally feel like the three are already enough evidence, especially considering it would be honestly even more cruel for Kazuki’s character-centric extra to be focusing on something that wasn’t essential to his character and character arc, anyway. And though it’s not explicitly stated that these chapters are extras exploring a central character, you can kind of tell based on how they are (to my knowledge) the only Dolce Diary updates with cover/title cards each which include their focal character front and center. So working off that fact, the Kazuki-centric chapter established that a pillar to his narrative was his feelings towards Fuuma and that those feelings are still open to romantic potential. 
But if you follow me, this is why up until Can’t an Idol Fall in Love With Another Idol’s release, I was terrified of them writing that off. I would have been ok if it was just an arc that was given attention then continued to actively work in the background, as all the character arcs have been over all of Dolce’s content. The fact that they might be giving Fuuma a love interest and giving Fuuma a love arc while Kazuki’s feelings were still up in the air and were still the primary highlighted narrative for him would have been fucking scuffed. To me, it would be like… why would they make him so Fuuma-centric to the point that even his dedicated chapter was not just focused on Fuuma but focused on the ambiguity and potential of him having romantic feelings for Fuuma, yet reduce him to being Fuuma's designated right-hand man. Don’t get me wrong, friendships are just as important as romantic relationships. But again, rather than conclude Kazuki’s answer in Suki to be that his feelings were of friendship, they left it open ended and allow audience members to be actively aware that Kazuki’s feelings towards Fuuma still had potential to be romantically coded. It would just be so weird to quickly close off that narrative by giving Fuuma a love interest as opposed to letting Kazuki conclude it himself. It would be fucking beyond frustrating for me, at least Eventually, I kept trying to drive my hopes that they would explore Kazuki’s narrative at all down to the ground because it was a Fuuma-centric novel; maybe if anything they’d explore those feelings in his own novel after the fact. But then they kept having little drops here and there of Kazuki being even the slightest bit relevant and I’d go back to questioning “Are??? They??? Is this on purpose??? Do they know what they’re doing or are they just doing this because Kazuki’s just so important to Fuuma as his best friend that he’s there as his right-hand I genuinely can’t tell???” And um. Welp.
Safe to say Can’t An Idol Fall in Love sold me on the fact that they know what they’re doing LOL. And to anyone who thinks that Kazuki’s feelings can still be read as ambiguous in CAIFILWAI as opposed to explicitly romantic - whether it be due to a fear they may pull the “I like him as a friend” card or due to the disbelief that they have an explicit mlm main character in the Honeyworks series - I’d like to cover any bases that may make you think this way. If you think it’s just Kazuki acting like a protective friend, why do you think he calls Yui a rival? If you’ve only seen the MV and think it’s ambiguous or can be taken as the "likfe" for friend, then does that mean you think Yui’s feelings toward Fuuma are also ambiguous or as a friend? With the way Yui responds, she is trying to rival Kazuki’s feelings towards Fuuma. She and Kazuki recognize whatever feeling it is that they hold towards Fuuma, both of their feelings are the same type. I don’t think most people would argue that Yui’s confession about Fuuma was one of pure respect and friendship. Plus, if anything I’d argue of the three characters in the MV, Fuuma is the one whose feelings are left the most ambiguous despite him being the central character. It’s heavily implied that he may be forming feelings for Yui, but nowhere is it established either in the song or in the MV, especially if you compare it to Kazuki and Yui’s declarations or if you compare it to Sara’s feelings for Uru in Can’t An Idol Fall in Love. Fuuma’s romantic narrative here is trying to figure out how he feels for Yui, while for Kazuki and Yui they’ve established a rivalry because they both have mutually established they like Fuuma romantically.
If the MV isn’t enough for you and Suki isn’t enough for you for...some reason…??? You can check out the snippets of the light novel which the wonderful takanenene translated: one which revisits the conflict set up in Suki and one that covers the confession scene in the MV in more detail. If the fact that the conflict set up in Suki (aka the lurking feeling of not knowing if all he felt for Fuuma was only platonic or more than platonic) was specifically reestablished in the LN for anyone who didn’t keep up with Dolce Diary didn’t tip you off that it was something important, his behavior in the confession scene as depicted by the LN definitely should have. He’s possessive about his spot by Fuuma’s side. He doesn’t want that spot to be taken by anyone else. Even if he knows that they can help Fuuma, he wants it to be him. And this line: “Kazuki then trails off his words, quietly saying ‘That’s why…’ and then gave Yui a slightly painful smile, his cheeks turning red,” before he declares Yui a rival and states he likes Fuuma. If you can tell me you read that line and are still on the fence about Kazuki’s “like” towards Fuuma being romantic, please message me and I will see how I can get through to you. Like it wasn’t even just a romantically coded confession. It’s just a romantic confession. That “like” is romantic. And I’m so proud that he’s not only come to understand for himself how he feels, but that he’s confident enough to ask the person he sees as a romantic rival to speak in private and not only clarify her feelings for Fuuma but before she can even do that firmly establishes that he loves Fuuma with conviction. Kazuki my boy I’m so proud of you. *sniffs*
And that’s it for establishing Kazufuuma as at least canonically one-sidedly canon and why there’s not only no reason to deny it but also why denying it is a fucking disrespectful move towards Kazuki. He’s a character, sure, but that doesn’t change the fact you shouldn’t write off his struggle to come to be convicted enough to say it out loud. This has been something weighing on him at least a year, if not more (all I know is it started when both he and Fuuma were in some year in middle school). And as a character in a piece of media, I’ve been saying this the entire time, but brushing it off as non-romantic is literally chucking a fucking pillar of his character’s story into the gutter. And to those who may be saying Kazuki’s confession came out of nowhere and is pandering reread this entire fucking essay again I dare you to do it and tell me to my face it’s pandering. Again. Writing off the buildup as pandering is disrespectful to him, disrespectful to his character and narrative, and disrespectful to the wonderful people who have been creating Dolce so diligently and have crafted this narrative for us. Saying his “supposed feelings” and “ambiguous confession” is pandering is like saying Fuuma’s crossdressing is pandering which. If you say either of those I will find you and I will shank you in the fucking gut. Even if you’re not fully into Dolce, recognize these characters are actually very well developed and executed amazingly, as per every Honeyworks character that has come to exist. I don’t blame you if you weren’t aware of the weight of Kazufuuma, but now that you read this I hope you are. That’s mainly what I needed to get out there, but as follows will be me more exploring how Kazufuuma has been built up and generally waving my hand off at where it may be going. If you want you can dip, thanks for reading up to here because I know I repeated a lot because it’s just. So important to drill into your head and has been something I’ve been hung up about constantly. LOL
As for where exactly they’re taking it from this point on, I honestly don’t know. In all honesty, I didn’t even expect them to take it the direction they did. But honestly, I think the direction they went with it is really interesting and better than I could have imagined, in my opinion at least. Honeyworks never ceases to amaze me with their storytelling and narrative choices, and I don’t think there’s any that stand out to me as being severely questionable that they haven’t reapproached at some point down the line. And, again, I think they’re treating this with a lot of care and deserved respect. So I’m just gonna be gushing about how smart they set it up and how smart they’ve been executing it and maybe my own hopes on the direction it could go.
Whether they make Kazufuuma reciprocated I have no real clue or bearings, but to me my gut reaction is they will. Of course, I’m biased, but again if you trace things all the way back to 2018 and step through Dolce’s content and growth from there, I’d say even if they didn’t know if they could execute it like this and see it to fruition, I’d argue that Kazufuuma has been at least heavily implied since the beginning as a relationship they wanted to explore from both sides of the relationship. Obviously I brought up Kazuki’s character bio already, but if you look at the *goes to count* 5th Dolce Diary update already has a joke jabbing at the fact that Kazuki is technically Fuuma’s type (and the way Kippei and Kazuki excitedly react is so cute). The fifth update. And as stated before there are tons of Kazufuuma moments in Dolce Diary, whether it’s played for comedic effect or played straight (and this is post Suki but oh my god I’ve said it before I’ll say it again get yourself someone who looks at you the way Kazuki looks at Fuuma oh my jesus). But song-wise, I mentioned the one Dolce album song I would bring up is Nade Nade and this is where it comes! 
Not only is Nade Nade specifically focused on Kazuki and Fuuma’s relationship as opposed to the whole of Dolce despite being the first song, it included the setup/preview of the Fuuma-centric extra prior to the full release of the Fuuma-centric extra itself and was released early as fuck. Literally between the 6th and 7th update to Dolce Diary. Sure, it could be to isolate them as a duo for marketing purposes (they’re very often the two promoted idols together if the whole of the group aren’t included), but the way it’s established as a perspective song as opposed to a general idol duet is what fascinates me. Anyone who didn’t know about Dolce prior and only followed Honeyworks for music would be first introduced to these characters through this song alone, and maybe this is where my Kazufuuma bias comes from but I was one of those people LOL. I thought it was just a cute one-off relationship that they had set up for the purpose of a song and that it was an implied friends-to-lovers story that would never get a conclusion. Also I mistakenly thought Fuuma was a girl oop-. In the full context of Dolce, this song in part helped establish Fuuma and Kazuki more solidly as a unique duo out of all of Dolce, but it also specifically explored through Fuuma’s eyes just how much Fuuma recognizes and appreciates the unwavering support Kazuki gives him to follow his dreams as he wishes. For Fuuma, he loves Kazuki too, though whether it holds any romantic potential in the same way Kazuki loves him has never been explored to nearly the same extent. But Fuuma appreciates how Kazuki’s remained by his side and does everything he can to support him, so Nade Nade explores how his way of expressing his love and thankfulness to Kazuki is by never saying that he needs Kazuki by his side. He’s glad Kazuki’s always been there for him, and his reciprocation takes on the form of being ready to unwaveringly support Kazuki and not ask for more than he already has, even if it meant Kazuki would be leaving his side, despite the fact that he really does wish they could remain together forever just as Kazuki does. The one point he lets himself say something vaguely close to always wanting to stay together, he gets a surprised expression out of Kazuki and says an ambiguous “suki dayo.” Of course, this it much less romantically coded than what we get from Kazuki in Suki and CAIFILWAI, but there is an interesting emphasis put on it nonetheless. Keep in mind, this is all established through the song, which released long before not only Fuuma’s character-centric extra released but also Kazuki’s character-centric extra released, so there is at least a substantial setup for Fuuma’s feelings towards Kazuki’s being strong as well and possibly grow to be reciprocated one day.
I think for me the most fascinating part about Nade Nade is how they tied it back around to Can’t An Idol Fall In Love with Another Idol. Again, without remembering Nade Nade, I still thought CAIFILWAI was brilliantly explored and executed, even if some people would have preferred no love triangle. But honestly, revisiting Nade Nade makes me trust even more the direction they’re taking with this. Whether or not they make Kazufuuma canon mutually (which. Even if they for some inexplicable reason didn’t I’m going down with this ship.), I’m sure they’re putting a lot of thought into the story, because the last bit of Nade Nade directly parallels the misunderstanding that arose from Fuuma mishearing the Kazuki and Yui. Fuuma is resolved to support Kazuki in any area he’s given the chance, and that explicitly includes if Kazuki had some girl he liked, which is what he assumes is going on. The fact that they tied this back around in the form of a misunderstanding was really really smart and Honeyworks is always so good at parallels and references back to their older songs, but for some reason I didn’t expect this. I don’t know how to say why, but the fact that the song that started it all, kicked off both Dolce and Kazufuuma, was directly referenced both visually in the MV with a cameo at the start and narratively despite the central dynamic being predominantly explored in this story in particular was that of Fuuma and another potential love interest and involves said potential love interest for some reason makes me think that (sorry Yui) this is all planned out for Kazufuuma in the grand scheme of things. That being said, I don’t know if me thinking it was planned all along is just me with shipper goggles, but the idea it’s come full circle nearly 3 years later is not shipper goggles and a very very well done parallel in my opinion, whether this trajectory was their plan for Kazufuuma from the beginning or not. Just wanted to gush about that some more. 
There’s more I could go into especially if I went into specific details about interactions or specific implications established in Honeyworks' Dolce content about different characters that would be fascinating to explore in relation to and under the lens of Kazufuuma, but I think this is uh...plenty long enough. Plus, I doubt you'll stop seeing Kazufuuma posts from me so those ideas will probably just be miniposts or somethin.
Back to the overarching point of this segment, idk what they’ll do with this story in the end, but do I think Kazufuuma will canon? I’m used to looking at ships that aren’t explicitly apparent with a sliver of skepticism, but all things considered (as I stated before) yeah. I don’t see reason why they wouldn’t now that they’ve explicitly identified there is a romantic dimension to it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Like to me, the setup isn’t something that would be written off as unrequited? And this doesn’t have to play into why I don’t think it will canon, my personal opinion on the Fuuyui relationship (again albeit through the lens of a hard Kazufuuma shipper lmao) has it’s own merits and is really cute, I find it cute in the way I found Koyuhina cute. I personally never really shipped Koyuhina, and especially since they slipped Kotarou into Ima Suki Ni Naru I was more curious about who this kid was and how he played into things I didn’t really see Koyuhina as something that would come to fruition. Similarly, there’s more importance in the overall sense on Kazuki than there is Yui (considering he’s one of the 5 original and focal members of this generation of idols, this would be natural), as well as the fact there’s just way more foundation and exploration in Fuuma and Kazuki’s relationship than there is Fuuma and Yui. As for how much of a balance there is inside the LN itself, the fact that they seem to have spent a substantial amount relaying the foundation of Fuuma and Kazuki’s relationship and re-exploring it (at least in Kazuki’s perspective) at all on top of how much content there is covering their relationship prior to the LN ever since Dolce’s origin just feels like that relationship holds more weight. Pretty much Kazufuuma feels more established as a priority in general. The way I personally hope Fuuyui plays out is whether they wind up holding mutual feelings or not or whether Fuuma doesn’t feel that way towards Yui is they get a relationship akin to Kotarou and Arisa. Albeit, Kotarou and Arisa never viewed each other in a romantic light, but they had mutual respect and solidarity. That’s the type of friendship I hope comes out of Fuyui. And considering there hasn’t been a break-up in any Honeyworks’ canon relationships (nor do I expect there to be… they’re all perfect for each other LMAO) it would actually be interesting if Fuuyui get together but don’t endgame and Kazufuuma is established as the inseparable endgame after some realization or another, though I don’t expect them to go that route nor do I know if that’d be the best way to go about it anyway. Also final point, Honeyworks seems to have a thing for childhood friends trope anyway soooooo owo All in all, don’t know where they’re taking it, just excited to see where it goes. 
TL;DR of this *counts* 7 page essay, stan Kazufuuma. Not gonna proof this. Maybe I’ll edit and repost but yall are getting a confusing clusterfuck of ramblings over 2-3 hr periods of me writing across 3 different days at around 5am each day. Uh. If you got this far like and subscribe and-- jk plz reply to this mammoth anywhere you see fit or tell me if you have stuffs to add or counter or whatnot I like hearing people talk about Kazufuuma ;w; I am Kazuki and Kazufuuma brainrot can you tell after reading this? No? Lemme just remind you I’m K--
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lollytea · 3 years
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Fearless (part 1/3)
(Ty/Louie fairytale au fic. i am simply a bitch writing about my au and my oc so it is all very catered to me personally and im aware not a lot of ppl will read it. but if you DO read it, i love u so much. i guess tw for blood/serious injuries relating to teen characters. nothing too graphic but be warned. Also if you’re curious, info on the au here, here and here.)
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[OCTOBER 22ND, 6:19PM] The sky was bleeding pink and orange and Louie tried to focus on it. Didn't take much brainpower to appreciate a sunset. He clung to the sight with desperation, muttering the simplest thoughts under his breath like a mantra.
It was pretty. He liked sunsets. He liked pink. He liked orange. The distraction wasn't working. The unpleasantness that was already writhing in his stomach churned. His finger was on his temple, idly tracing delicate circles against the tightly wrapped bandage. His head hurt. The point where his shoulder met his upper arm was also dressed. The stitching still had to heal up. That hurt too. Louie was pretty stupid. Which was not something he usually thought. But it was a real kick in the confidence when someone sharp-witted did something stupid. And it was a real kick in the heart when someone who didn't wanna hurt anybody ended up hurting somebody. This was stupid. He had already tried reading as a means of distraction. Too hard. Too many words. Way too much of a strain on his mild concussion. This was so, so stupid. Sitting by his windowsill, he hoped this dumb bandage would be gone soon. His forehead felt sticky and damp with sweat. He was stupid. He wished Webby were here. If she were, she'd be in the courtyard below his window sparring with Dewey. At least then, Louie could watch and keep his mind occupied. No. No, that wasn't right. If Webby were here, she would've attached herself to Louie by now, hugging him tight until his injury healed. If it had been any other incident, Louie would let her, crumbling into her arms and whimpering about the pain as his amazing, magical sister made it all ebb away. But this wasn't any other incident. If Webby were here, he wouldn't be able to accept her hugs. The very idea rubbed him the wrong way. If anyone was entitled to healing hugs, it wasn't Louie, it was--.... His face twisted up. Webby wasn't here. She was off on some quest with Lena. Probably wouldn't be back for days. So there was no point in dwelling over hypotheticals. Louie would heal on his own. They were both gonna have to heal on their own. The sunset was fading.
It was pretty. Pink... Orange.... He couldn't do this. 
Why was he doing this?! Louie always knew himself to be a coward but this was to a pathetic extent. Depraved even. He felt sick. 
He couldn't. He just couldn't. Every additional second he spent hiding in his room was weighing him down. It was suffocating. But he couldn't leave. He was too scared.
Freezing up just like always. Just stop being so fucking scared! He would have to confront what he did eventually. There was no way around it. So, why couldn't he just go now? Louie had far worse things in his life to be dreading. Far worse. A ticking clock of trepidation was seated deep inside him. A predestined future he couldn't rewrite which, on all accounts, should render him paralyzed. But he wasn't. This was the sort of thing to demolish him. Apparently. Stupid. This shouldn't be overdriving his other senses. This shouldn't be flooding his mind. He shouldn't be drowning right now. This shouldn't have his hands shaking. This shouldn't have him pacing the length of his room. This shouldn't be stealing the oxygen from his lungs. His brain was pounding against his skull, protesting his rapid back-and-forth movement. He was dizzy. He shouldn't be crying. Fuck it! He was always crying, who cares about that?! Just stop panicking, just stop crying, just stop being so selfish for once and just own up. Louie's back crashed against his door, gasping for breath. Stars were blotting his vision and he couldn't breathe and it was the end of the world. Okay. Okay. He was spiraling again. That was all it was, it would be okay. It would be okay. The prince's bed chambers, alive with the choking sound of contained distress, subsided to complete silence for just a moment. Inhale. Exhale. And then all to be heard was a small, crackling voice straining to sing himself a quiet little lullaby. ___________ [OCTOBER 22ND, 10:07AM] "Your highness, don't be an idiot. You can't just---Hey! Wait up!" "H'oh boy..." Louie's eyes flicked to the high heavens. Right now he felt like he was tasked with personally escorting this goddamn boy across this goddamn forest by the goddamn ankles. He whirled around impatiently, crossing his arms with a flourish. "Pick up the pace, Tiberius. We don't have all day." "Can you maybe not be a huge pain for like... I dunno, five minutes?" Snapped Ty, his dearly devoted retainer and most notorious pain-in-the-tail. "Can you maybe loosen up? Y'know it's a real mood killer when there's a paranoid guy on my case all the time, insisting that the whole world is out to get me. Being constantly reminded of my fragile mortality? Woo, talk about fun times." Scowling, Ty stumbled his way over a protruding tree root. "You've got a bad habit of attracting danger, you know that, right? I'm pretty sure it's a Duck thing." The remark slapped the annoyed expression right off Louie's face. Ty quirked an eyebrow. "What's that look for?" Before he could further analyse, Louie sharply turned on his heel and strode on. "It's a Duck thing." He said, keeping his tone even. Both of them knew it was a Duck thing. Ty just didn't know the half of it. "Your highness," He heard Ty gripe. "You know this is a bad idea. A prince shouldn't be out in the open like this without proper protection. And I'm unprepared right now. I can't--" If Ty weren't yakking so much, Louie wouldn't know if he was still there. He wasn't wearing his armor for once so the familiar clank and clatter of metal was nonexistent. "You got your sword, right? You can do a lot of damage with that thing." "Yeah but no juice. And I need juice. See, 'cause what if we get in a tight spot and you--?" "What do you think is gonna happen, Ty?! For the love of all that is gold, It's just a party." "It's never just anything." He grumbled. Ty jogged ahead a little, matching his pace to Louie's. His footsteps alongside him were purposefully heavy So, he was stomping now. Real mature. Louie rolled his eyes. He was fully aware Ty was pissed, he didn't have to go above and beyond to make his anger known. "You really think I'm an idiot who doesn't take safety precautions? I'll have you know keeping Prince Louie alive isn't just your problem. Prince Louie is pretty serious about that too." He gestured to himself. "If you haven't noticed, I'm incognito today. I've got no crown, no mantle, no status whatsoever. And look at these ugly peasant threads," Louie pointed out, tugging at the hem of his dull green tunic. "It's actually kinda depressing how drab I look. I'm never gonna do this again actually. But! See how committed I am right now? Who's gonna recognize me? As we're all aware, I'm pretty well known for my pizzazz." "Just 'cause you stop being a prince doesn't mean danger stops existing." "No but it makes you way less of a target. Now, are you really gonna spend your whole day off bitching at me?" 
The glare Ty shot him was petulant at best. "Well, I didn't wanna. But I got dragged along on this little adventure so guess I gotta." Louie pursed his beak, irritated. He did not drag Ty along anywhere. 
"Come to think of it, I don't remember saying you had to follow me." Well, that came out as harsher than intended. Ty didn't seem hurt. At least, there was no sign that he was. No expression cracked his stone mask. "I've got a duty." Louie scoffed. Ty and his stupid duty. It was really starting to wear on his nerves. But not today, absolutely not today. On this fine, glorious day, Louie was intent on having fun. He would show up at this little forest shindig and he would drink and dance and schmooze and whatever else any carefree person at a party would do. He would forget about everything that was eating at him. He wasn't gonna let it consume him, he wasn't. He was gonna live. While he still could. His sixteenth birthday loomed closer. Six months left. "Sorry." Said Ty, unprompted. The shadows festering in Louie's head cleared out as he snapped back to the present. Ty had his eyes firmly downcast, a noticeable slump to his posture. "It's not like I wanna be running around killing the fun all the time. I really don't. But I gotta." Louie said nothing. His eyebrows rose in quiet astonishment as he studied Ty's side profile. He remembered when Ty first came into his life. Twelve years old, brandishing a sword too big for his body and grinning lopsidedly in an unmistakably trouble seeking sorta way. A real firecracker of a boy, loud and bright. Hungry for adventure and excited to throw himself head first into the action. He remembered one of Ty's earliest and most confident statements. When he lowered himself to bow to Louie in his uncle's throne room and declared that the prince would never fear for his life again. Because Ty would protect him and Ty was fearless. Louie believed him. Make no mistake, Ty had plenty of bite back then too. He had disliked Louie and the feeling had been mutual. But he never doubted that Ty had spoken the truth with his entire heart. Ty was fearless. When Louie was with Ty, he was safe. He believed that and he always had. Despite how they clicked as well as a dagger and a keyhole. Despite Ty being annoying. So annoying. He was still annoying. But it was different now. Louie couldn't pinpoint when that permanent glowing smile of his had dwindled and a thin frown had become Ty's default expression. His sword, something he always used to proudly haul around over his shoulder, now unceremoniously sheathed against his belt. Although Louie had noticed that his right hand never strayed too far from the hilt.   Protecting royalty with your entire being was an all-consuming duty and it seemed, at some point, the reality of such an allegiance had slapped Ty across the face. He had this distinct way of holding himself now. Always stood straight and rigid, coiled up with agitation. He was prepared to fight at a moment's notice but it was clear the thrill of doing so had been long since drained out of him. He still smiled. He still laughed. But only sometimes. Ty was annoying because he was paranoid. Because he was snarky. Because he was too stiff, too protective. And man, what Louie wouldn't give to have Ty's former brand of annoying back. At least never made him feel sorry for the guy. "Can I ask you a favor?" Louie finally spoke, pushing back a drooping tree branch so they could walk below it "You can try." Ty shrugged, his gaze still fixed ahead. "What if we just turn off this whole 'Prince and Retainer' thing today. Whadd'ya think?" He turned to him blankly, complete with a slight tilt of the head that made Louie a tiny bit weak. "Wha....?" Ty was simply not computing. He looked as though Louie was throwing out algebra equations and he was supposed to solve them right on the spot. And he was not a math guy by any means. The cute clueless expression was making it a little hard to focus. Louie swallowed. "Listen." He began, his thumb dragging itself across his sweaty palm as he struggled with how to phrase this. Louie had a way with words, always had. But he had a tendency to trip over his own tongue when Ty was involved. Especially when Ty was staring at him with his soft cande-light eyes and doing that stupid adorable head tilting thing and-- "You need a break." Louie blurted out. "You're stressed like constantly and it's getting kinda insufferable and I think your Dad would sick a dragon on me if his barely fifteen year old son suddenly kicked it 'cause of a paranoia overload so I think you should just forget about being my big strong hero for today and come hang out with me at this stupid peasant party and we can just be two regular kids instead of a royal and his bodyguard do you think you could give me that Tiberius?" It was only in the following beat of silence that Louie realized how fast he spat that all out. He struggled to catch his breath. One second. Ty blinked. Two seconds. A flicker of vacant eyes and then a rush of realization. And then disbelief. And then-- Three seconds. His brow scrunched together and a snarl crinkled his muzzle. His eyes flared. Oh, he was mad.... "Are you crazy?!" Ty shouted. He was beside himself with a malfunctioning mix of fury and incredulity that had him stammering his words. "You-You can't just--.....D-do you even-- you don't...do you realize how disrespectful that is? For you to say it? For-For me to do it?! I was given this duty by the King! The fucking King! To just suddenly "turn it off" would be--....I can't--!" Maybe "mad" was an understatement. "Ty--" Louie tried. He was cutting across Louie, treading back and forth on their forest path,. Not going further, not going back. Just walking to nowhere for the sake of being too scandalized to possibly stand still. Louie was attempting to get Ty's attention by grabbing his tunic but he kept shaking him off. "I'd be a disgrace! An embarrassment! I'm trusted by the royal family to keep--...to keep you safe! I-I can't just walk around with my liege like I'm on vacation and not be on guard! You don't even get it, you--" "Ty!" Louie said loudly."You wanna maybe listen for a sec?!" Frankly, he was surprised Ty halted his tirade. His eyes were blown wide, stunned and Louie wasn't quite sure why until he followed Ty's look, snapping down. Seems in his effort to get a hold of the guy, he had instinctively reached out and snatched Ty's wrist. They stood frozen for a moment, each set of eyes boring into the touch that tied them together. Louie's fingers began to uncurl. Then he decided no. His grip on Ty tightened with a purposeful squeeze. Ty met his gaze, looking....panicked? Confused? Didn't matter. He could besottedly dissect his unreadable facial expressions later. Louie inhaled, deciding to shoulder his dignity for just a second. No safety rails of snark this time. Ty might make fun of him for being sincere later but this was important. "Don't you miss being a kid with nothing to worry about?" Louie implored. "Because if we're being real, I don't think we're ever gonna get to live like that again." Ty muttered something to himself, shaking his head a little. "But listen," Louie continued, taking a step into Ty's personal bubble. Ty took an automatic step back. But since he was still holding his hand, Louie was led a step forward. It was difficult to tell with the pink fur but he could've sworn Ty reddened. "Look I know it's weird for me to be asking but....can't we just take a risk today? It's just a party in the woods. Literally the least likely place to find any danger in the whole kingdom." "We shouldn't--" "Ty, please." Honestly, Louie was a little surprised at himself. He hadn't even planned for Ty to accompany him anyway. But in the heat of the moment, everything had shifted upside-down. Turns out there was something inside him willing to beg. Something that wanted more than anything, for Ty come along. He just wanted a simple memory of just killing time with Ty. Separated from the castle and everything that reminded him of his fate. He would like to smile without a hint of dread for once this year. So, he said just that. "I'm not just trying to make you come along 'cause I'm stuck with you. That's not it." He swallowed. "You're--....you're cool. You're fun. I wanna have you around. You know, when you're not so worked up and you're just being yourself, I like hanging out with you." He tugged Ty's hand a little. Further from his sword and closer to Louie. "I want you to come with me. And I want you to try having fun too." He may as well just tell the idiot he thought about him every time he saw a sunset. The hand he was grasping flexed its fingers. Ty abruptly broke eye contact and glanced to the side, his tongue poking out to pierce the tip of his jagged tooth. His indecisive face. "I just--.....I dunno...." He muttered. "If something happened to you--" "Nothing's gonna happen to me." Said Louie immediately. "I've got a good feeling about this. And c'mon Ty, that coming from a coward?" "You're not a coward." He said, barely a whisper. He was now staring at the ground. "I promise." "Huh?" Louie smiled tightly as Ty looked to him questionably. "I promise nothing is gonna happen. I'm gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine. Now, can you do me this favor and maybe, I dunno, trust me?" The look Ty gave him was a little sad, but it was soft. And then with only a tiny twitch, it shifted into something else entirely. It was trust. Blind trust. Maybe stupid trust. A minuscule pang of guilt jabbed at Louie. Of course he wanted Ty to trust him. He needed him to if there was any hope of achieving his goal here. But objectively, he really shouldn't. Louie was hiding way too much from him. It wasn't fair. Then Ty broke the world, shattered orbit and played around with reality itself by cracking a smile and Louie forgot every coherent thought he ever possessed. He would never put on record just how long he spent pre-preparing jokes, gunning to get the corner of Ty's lips to flick upwards. Made him seem kinda desperate. Which he was not. Ty had that oh, so stereotypical "cute boy" smile. It was crooked, cocky, it was utterly obnoxious. Louie hated it. And worst of all, it was like a little spell to kick Louie's heart into high speed. Sometimes it dazed and confused him like a blinding light flash. But other times, it was warm and if he stared long enough, he'd fall asleep. Louie loved Ty's smile. Every time he tried to convince himself he didn't, he ended up dwelling on it too much and the way his mouth would quirk up would play in his mind on a maddening loop and then it would be too much to handle and the truth that he loved it would always overpower him. So, whenever that happened (like right this second.) he gave up and admitted it. To himself, anyway. He loved Ty's smile. He loved Ty. ......Wait. That last part was new, hold up. Rewind. But he didn't get the chance because Ty was talking now. Still a little dazzled, Louie didn't catch what he said but he figured it was good since he was still smiling. And then that smile broke into a huge grin, his eyes flashed with trouble and his hands were on Louie's shoulders and-- "Race ya!" Ty cried. With a light push, Louie was stumbling backwards and Ty kicked off into a sprint. For a brief moment, Louie could only gaze after him, stupefied. Love, huh? Like the real deal? That was crazy. But then he snapped out of as he recalled the audacity of this bastard. "You just pushed your liege!" He shrieked, receiving a loud "WOO!" from Ty as a response. And then Louie was grinning. He was giddy. He didn't quite know if he forgot about love in that instance or if it was the force powering him but he was tearing off after Ty, yelling about the latter's totally unfair head start. In hindsight, he should've figured it was love a long time ago. Who else would get him to run for no reason?
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officialleotolstoy · 3 years
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Oh Natasha/Andrei brainrot we’re really in it now, aka Natasha/Andrei playlist annotations!
Honestly the age gap is so inherently uncomfortable it’s difficult for me to really ship this but I think in terms of the REALLY low bar of W&P marriages/almost-marriages, it’s one of the better ones because they at least mutually care about each other. It’s also just devastating on principle!
There are several distinct sections of song on here, this is one of the few I’ve actually put in a significant order, so I’m going to break it down into that.
Part 1: Initial Meeting/Falling In Love The First Time/General
Absolutely Smitten - dodie
“She wants to dance around the room, kiss you until her lips turn blue”
This song really reminds me of their first meeting when they’re both like 👀 at each other. I like how it captures the excitement but also nerves of the girl, which I feel like is an important feature of Natasha’s part of the relationship.
Helpless - Philippa Soo
“Tryin' to catch your eye from the side of the ballroom”
Sorry to all the ex-Hamilton stans I jumpscared with this, but it’s about the Philippa Soo Singing About Falling In Love vibe. Also the quoted lyric reminds me of their iconic dance scene, or at least the bits leading up to that.
To Noise Making (Sing) - Hozier
“Honey, the look of it was as sweet as the sound; Your head tilt back, your funny mouth to the clouds”
This reminds me of the scene where she sings for him and he’s like WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH im in love! I paraphrase, but you get the idea.
Golden Years - David Bowie
“Look at that sky, life's begun”
This is objectively the stupidest song on here. It’s here because I think it’s funny to imagine the iconic Natasha/Andrei dance just being the Golden Years dance from A Knight’s Tale, HOWEVER the quoted lyric is in fact Andreicore.
Stop The World I Wanna Get Off With You - The Arctic Monkeys
“And I know we got places to go, we got people to see/Think we both oughta put 'em on hold”
‘Wren there are several songs that are on this playlist AND your Andrei/Pierre playlist’ Thank you for noticing it’s because if Tolstoy can recycle the same lines of dialogue for these relationships I can recycle the same songs! This song is just. I Hate Everyone Except You :) which is deeply Andrei @ both of them. But also like wanting life to stop so you can just hang out with Your People.
Strawberry Blond - Mitski
“I love everybody because I love you”
I’m pretty sure someone once pointed out how this lyric fit Andrei/Natasha once in a post and I cannot for the life of me remember who but that made an impression on me. Mystery person, thanks <3 Also I forgot this was a Mitski song??
The Anchor - Bastille
“Bring me some hope by wandering into my mind”
One of Thee things about their relationship that sticks out to me is how Natasha is so lifelike and her very existence gives Andrei hope for the world. It’s so. It’s so much!
Something After All - Starry
“You’ve turned my world around”
Like I said above, falling in love with Natasha really changes Andrei’s entire worldview! I also think “I've spent years building up walls” is very Andrei, and Natasha kind of brought them down, like what happens in the song.
Cosmic Love - Florence + The Machine
“A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes”
IT’S ABOUT THE SPACE METAPHORS FOR LOVE. THIS IS NO ONE ELSE FROM GREAT COMET’S FAULT.
Cold Cold Man - Saint Motel
“I know I am a cold cold man: quite slow to pay you compliments or public displayed affections”
It’s about being generally not very emotional or expressive but being devoted to the person anyway...very Andrei-ish.
Ophelia - The Lumineers
“I don't feel nothing at all and you can't feel nothing small”
The quoted lyric just seems like a really good summary of their dynamic, but I also think “Heaven help a fool who falls in love” works well for bitter post-elopement vibes, so this song was difficult to place.
Part 2: Andrei Leaving For Abroad
Misbehavin’ - Pentatonix
For some reason this is on both the Nat/Andrei and Natasha playlists and I’m too lazy to change it. Just go look at those annotations.
No One Else - Great Comet
Duh
To a Poet - First Aid Kit
“I got on a plane and flew far away from you, though unwillingly I left”
This song makes me think of Andrei abroad missing Natasha :( Honey you’ve got a big storm coming
Part 3: Post-Elopement Breakup Songs
I Hope Your Husband Dies - Amigo The Devil
“All the distance that we've spent apart will never have to mean a thing”
This song is VERY much Andrei about Anatole. “Now you're with this asshole, you expect me to believe it's going to last” really works because her relationship with Anatole was never going to last, whether or not she knew that. And “I'm not so much afraid of being alone, just kind of feel I've had enough/And time and time again, time reminds me you'll never be my own/We'll never have a house to decorate, a place that we can call our home” as an Andrei thing makes me very sad!!!
Ruins - First Aid Kit
“Ruins, all the things we built assured that they would last”
I think you can safely say their relationship was in ruins after the elopement attempt. I also think “I lost you, didn't I? First I think I lost myself” is something Natasha would think about the whole scenario
Half of My Heart - John Mayer
“Half of my heart's got the right mind to tell you that I can't keep loving you with half of my heart”
I think this is supposed to be more of an “I don’t love you anymore and that’s on me” song, but I like to mentally frame it in the context of Andrei after the elopement refusing to take back Natasha. I also think all the bits about the singer’s love interest changing the singer’s outlook on life before really fits, like “Lonely was the song I sang 'til the day you came, showing me another way”
Love Like Ghosts - Lord Huron
“You don't want me baby please don't lie/Oh but if you're leaving, I gotta know why”
It’s all about the singer being haunted by a love that doesn’t necessarily reciprocate on the same level, and I think that really fits Andrei’s mindset. It breaks my heart to think about him trying to figure out what he did wrong, why he wasn’t enough for Natasha, and so that quoted lyric really makes me just. :(
Cold Day In Heaven - Delta Rae
“Keep thinking bout when we started, so innocent/Your heart was a mess and I was lost in it”
This whole song is so good for them, it’s essentially just a couple being disappointed that their relationship didn’t work out well. The quoted lyric is so. AAAAHHH. because both of their hearts were messes but for different reasons, Andrei was so hopeless and bleak but Natasha was so naive and not ready for it and it’s so. It’s so Much. Also “We watched, the stars fell, and oh you know we let them/We said it’ll never happen, we said it’ll never happen to us/But it’s a cold day in heaven my love” gets me because 1) star/sky references :( and 2) Natasha especially did say it’d never happen to them, she was adamant that she’d love Andrei forever and that uh. I think we all know how well that worked out!
2 Months. - Zach Adkins
Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi
“I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug”
This is kind of a generic betrayal/breakup/I-miss-you song, but I think it works. Especially with “I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain” and the focus on the singer’s lover getting them through difficult times and then abandoning them.
The Night We Met - Lord Huron
“Take me back to the night we met”
I think people are legally obligated to have this song on any playlist for a couple that doesn’t end well. It’s generic but it’s good! The entire Strange Trails album my BELOVED!
Careless Whisper - George Michael
“I should have known better than to cheat a friend and waste a chance that I'd been given, so I'm never gonna dance again the way I danced with you”
UNIRONICALLY THIS SONG. I think it’s the focus on dancing as like a significant marker of the relationship for me, especially given how heavily adaptations focus on their dance at that ball. The quoted lyric reminds me of Natasha’s mindset after all of this. Also “We could have been so good together, we could have lived this dance forever, but now, who's gonna dance with me? Please stay” reminds me of Natasha asking him to forgive her. Not to actually get sad over Careless Whisper but. :,(
With Or Without You - U2
“And you give yourself away”
The quoted lyric is in reference to the elopement in my head, and “I can’t live with or without you” is like. Andrei can’t continue on and let her back into his life, he admits that he can’t forgive her, but he also has no real will to live after she betrays him and goes off to die in war.
Atlantis - Seafret
“We've built this town on shaky ground”
“This town” is in reference to their relationship, and I like the acknowledgment that there was never a great foundation to begin with. And “maybe I’m not built for love” as an Andrei lyric is a little heartbreaking! Other than that it’s just a Breakup Song.
I Don’t Wanna See You Cryin’ Anymore - Adam Melchor
“I don't wanna be the reason you can't trust me like before/My head's in my hands as I'm shaking on the bathroom floor”
This reminds me of Natasha’s deep guilt over her betrayal of Andrei. The implication that Andrei would ever let anyone see him cry is a bit much for me, just ignore that HFJAHDHSH
Part 4: Reconciling While Andrei ✨Dies✨
Fake It - Bastille
“We can never go back, we can only do our best to recreate”
This whole is song is about trying to move forward from bad things in the past with your lover which is the whole vibe! But I also think it shows some reluctance on the part of the singer to forget, and a bit of a desperation to be able to leave the mistakes in the past. “Help me turn a blind eye” really captures that. I like this as the early stages of them reconnecting, because I think it’s realistic to have Andrei especially be wary but wanting it to get better.
Bad Blood - Bastille
“All this bad blood here, won’t you let it dry?”
Letting go of a grudge and trying to move on vibes!
Let It All Go - Birdy, Alvaro Soler
“We’re strong enough to let it go”
All their hurt surrounding the elopement is the Thing they’re letting go of in this case.
Flaws - Bastille
“You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve and I have always buried them deep beneath the ground”
The quoted lyric just feels like their general dynamic to me. Natasha is so open about everything and does indeed wear her heart on her sleeve whereas Andrei represses every emotion he’s ever felt. I think this is a post-elopement song because of “Dig them up; let’s finish what we started”. That feels like them reexamining their relationship and what went wrong and trying again.
Moscow - Autoheart
“All I need’s a fraction of your happy heart”
This song is so 🥺. “We both know what we’ve got to do: head back to where the magic grew” reminds me of them accepting their reconnection and moving on and trying to rekindle whatever was between them. And “Let’s get a dog, an Irish red setter, it’s all we need to get better” feels emblematic of them looking forward to domestic happiness as the solution. And the quoted lyric screams Andrei about Natasha.
The Heart Is A Muscle - Gang of Youths
“I will look at love as more than just an instrument of pain”
Not to be off topic but this whole album is so good every single song makes me feel SHRIMP EMOTIONS god. Also the whole thing is very Andreicore and I had to stop myself from adding every song to his playlist. But I digress. This song is all about having been hurt by love in the past (“I let bad love betray me once”) but deciding to open your heart again which is very them! “I haven't had enough and I wanna love someone” AAAAHHHH. “I am human now and terrified, but want it all the same” Mr. GangOfYouths im going INSANE! “I just ask you to be patient if you’ll have me still” HELLO? Not to quote the whole song but “I wanna be loved, I wanna be whole again, so tuck my hair behind my ears and touch my soul again” as an Andrei/Natasha lyric...I need to sit down. Can you all tell this song makes me go all kinds of crazy. And this isn’t even my favorite song off the album!
Shrike - Hozier
“I couldn’t utter my love when it counted, ah but I’m flying like a bird to you now”
This song feels very “we tried to have a relationship a while ago and it didn’t work out that well but I still love you we could try again” to me which fits this time very well!
Part 5: Andrei Goes Splat :( [And The Aftermath]
Work Song - Hozier
“No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her”
I can’t say what it is exactly, but something about persistent love framed around the death motif works for me here.
Dancing After Death - Matt Maeson
“As the sun waits to eclipse and the taste teases my lips, I'm too tired to wrestle with it”
The quoted lyric reminds me of Andrei giving up and shutting down when he realizes he’s gonna die :( oh ALSO my brain always mentally fills in “and no one else” after the “you and I” that ends the chorus which does NOT help with my depression!
One Last Time - Jaymes Young
“Could I feel your skin on mine before I have to say goodbye?”
SCREAMS SO LOUDLY. The whole song is like. Someone dying and wanting to see their person one last time and AAAAAAAAAAA. I am a little incoherent maybe. “I'm leavin' this cold world of mine, no pleadin' is gonna turn back time” really Gets Me in the context of Andrei accepting his own death and withdrawing and it’s so. Anyway.
Oblivion - Bastille
“When oblivion is calling out your name, you always take it further than I ever can”
I don’t think this is exactly what the song is talking about, but the quoted lyric in the context of Andrei dying and Natasha watching him fade and withdraw...good Lord. I need emotional support.
Haunt - Bastille
“I’ll come back to haunt you/Memories will taunt you”
Natasha being haunted by the memory of Andrei!!! Help me!!!! Also “I will try to love you/It’s not like I’m above you” as a callback to Andrei’s feelings for Natasha when they start to reconnect is so mental illness inducing. OOOH and “Questioning why as you look to the sky that is cloudless up above our heads and thoughts come to mind that our short little lives haven't left the path that they will tread” any lyric ever about looking at the sky is Andrei’s now.
Without You - for KING & COUNTRY
“What do you do when you don't get better/Strong arms get too, get too weak to hold her”
:( :( :( :( :( Also “I’m not ready to live without you” I am so sad.
Good Grief - Bastille
“Every minute and every hour I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more”
Pain! Agony, even!
I made myself SO sad writing the entire last half of these annotations geez
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