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#and if they don't experience it they continue it
wasteddmoondust · 3 days
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teacher || james potter
pairing: james potter x reader 863 words, preschool teacher au, james is a single dad (not for long...?), kindergarten teacher!reader, gender neutral reader, harry is her student so you know how it goes a/n: sorry this took months i have been in the slumpiest slump ever. hope you enjoy :,) I'm not too sure about how preschools fair in other countries but this is mostly based on my own experiences!
"Mr Potter! Lovely to see you today."
James walks into your classroom, and it's humourous to see you seated in a chair and table meant for six-year-olds.
He smiles at you and waves. Unfortunately, you're swooning on the inside.
Yes, it's unprofessional to have a crush on a parent, let alone the parent of one of your beloved students. Very unprofessional, actually. But you can't help but be enamoured by his looks. He looks exactly like his son, Harry. Messy hair and gold-rimmed glasses.
Or maybe he's just one of the only few parents who are the same age as you. And it doesn't help when you know he's a single father and always strikes a conversation with you whenever he has the chance to. In your head, maybe it wouldn't hurt to make a move.
"Of course, I'm happy to be here today, though it's the last time," he says as he sits down in an identical tiny chair.
You know you have to push these thoughts aside, because this was the last parent-teacher meeting for your kindergarteners who will be graduating in a few weeks. No matter your feelings, your job was to tell parents how their child has faired so far in their education.
You take a deep breath and fix your hair. "Okay, let's get started."
You adore Harry, a joy to have in your class. He is very friendly and communicates very well with his peers and teachers. He actively participates in class. He is developing well in the different aspects. You explain everything in layman's terms so he can understand, and he nods along, listening.
"Needless to say, Harry's definitely ready for primary school. If you'd like, it would be great if you continued his learning at home as well, before he officially starts school." you finish, nodding at James. You unconsciously bite the inside of your cheek, knowing that it won't be long until you'll never see this man again.
"That's great," he says, looking up from Harry's portfolio from over the year. "Harry really appreciates you as a teacher, you know? He always loves coming to school."
You smile at that, it warms your heart. "I'm glad to hear that. I'll definitely miss him when he graduates."
There's an awkward silence between the both of you, not particularly knowing what to say. You both nod and look down. You know it's the end.
"Well..." you start. "If you don't have any more questions, that will be it. Thank you so much for joining us on this journey, Mr Potter."
"I do have- um- a question?" he says abruptly. He suddenly seems more fidgety and nervous, gripping the binder of Harry's portfolio.
"Um..." he scratches his head. You look at him expectantly. "I appreciate you as Harry's teacher, of course. He always says that you're very nice and pretty... I also think you're very nice and pretty..."
You nod along, trying to keep your cool by controlling your facial expressions.
He continues, his shoulders slowly rising in a shrug. "So if you'd let me, we can meet outside of school for once," he spits it out quickly like he's ripping a band-aid off.
Blinking slowly, you process what just happened. "Did you just ask me out?" you ask, eyes wide.
His eyes dart to the side and then back at you. "Yes," he says.
"Mr Potter-" you start.
"Please, you can call me James-"
"Your son is my student."
"He won't be by next week."
"It will be very unprofessional of me-"
"I don't hear a no, though..."
And you're both in silence again. You sigh and bring a hand to your face, resting your chin on your palm as you look away from him. You try to think of your next move.
Aside from all of the consequences that may occur, this is a golden opportunity. Your teacher life always gets so hectic and you barely have time to go out and meet people. If you miss this chance you may never get to have one like it again.
You bite your lip and accept whatever fate may come.
You speak in a hushed voice, willing that no one hears this conversation. "Fine, yes. I'll give you a chance. But if anything goes wrong, my priority is my job and yours is Harry. Got it?"
James let out a breath that almost sounded like a laugh. He looks up at you with sparkling eyes. "Yes, okay. I will-"
He's cut off by a knock at your door. Your colleague opens it and her head pokes into your classroom. "Hi, sorry to interrupt, but the next parent is waiting outside," she says. You nod at her and she leaves. You stand up, and James does too.
"Well, this is... unofficially goodbye, Mr Potter. It really has been a pleasure teaching Harry," you say, stretching your hand out for a shake. He takes it, and his hand is warm.
You mutter quickly to him, "My contact is in the binder."
He grins at you, childlike, and you watch him leave your classroom with a wave. You wave back, smiling.
You sincerely hope you won't regret this decision.
a/n: RRRAAHHH i really hope to make this a mini series of some kind because i have the softest spot for kids and i start being a real teacher in a month! asks are open if you have any thoughts <3 thanks for reading!
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shanastoryteller · 19 hours
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Happy birthday, Untamed Bruised fruit, please!
a continuation of 1 2 3 4 5
Wen Qing doesn't know why she bothers to doubt him, other than that if someone doesn't then he'll stop being at all tethered to reality.
Everyone else arrives, and seeing Nie Mingjue in her village is enough to send her blood pressure up, but Nie Huaisang seems to have leashed his brother for at least one evening, and is fluttering around everyone and loudly complimenting the architecture. Really, the only attendants besides Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan who don't get her hackles up are Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen, who who calls her niece with spark of humor she didn't know he had.
The Lan arrival sends everyone into a tizzy. A-Yuan attaches himself to Lan Wangji, who doesn't seem to mind, and he and Wuxian fall instantly into conversation, like they hadn't spent their teen years at each other's throats and most of the war not much better. Wuxian really can make friends with anyone.
Then, just as he predicted, the Jiang are the last to arrive.
Jiang Cheng appears up the lit path, what looks like almost the whole Jiang clan behind him and not doing a very good job to contain their excitement - even from here she can whispers about Senior Brother Wei, despite the very public break Wuxian was supposed to have from their clan.
Wuxian is holding Suyin when Jiang Chen storms up to him. Everyone goes quiet, watching, as lightning arcs up his hand and he sets his face into a scowl that had been the last thing a lot of people had seen on the battlefield.
Wuxian is so still, not even breathing, because Jiang Cheng has always been the one who could break him and the one he never thought would, but the war changed a lot of things.
"Well?" Jiang Cheng snaps.
Wuxian stares.
He holds out his impatiently, still what that same scowl.
Wuxian grins, carefully placing their daughter in Jiang Cheng hands, who holds her easily and competently, probably due to his experience with Jin Ling.
Jiang Cheng looks down at his niece and his face softens. When he looks back up at Wuxian, the sneer isn't nearly as believable. "Well, it looks like you finally managed to do something right."
"Hey!" Wuxian shouts, crossing his arms and pouting, and the rest of Jiang are surging forward, pushing forward to get a look at Suyin, and Wen Qing sighs and goes to find Jin Zixuan.
Maybe he has tips on dealing with in-laws.
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capellla · 1 day
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Your best version - Pac reading
Who is the best version of you? Let's meet that powerful person. Also I think everyone should read image 5 and 6 ♡
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Hermit rv | Page of wands | Seven of wands
The best version of you is someone who is not afraid to surprise people and break people out of their box with her/his wisdom and her presence. The depth of the ocean and the darkness she has to dive into no longer scare her. She has already faced her own darkness. She is now completely herself and has embraced that precious being inside her.She is one with people and approaches them at a necessary distance, without exceeding her own boundaries and the boundaries of others. She is not afraid to explore, she is not afraid to re-integrate with her childish and unique side, to fall again, to re-experience. She knows wisdom. She was completely washed in its waters and slid on its waves. She is not afraid to fight against life (to become one with its nature) and to absorb its warrior spirit. She is strong and healthy. She doesn't care how she looks on the outside and has already overcome a lot. She is a superior soul.
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7 Of cups | King of swords rv | Ace of swords
She/ he is royal. He knows exactly what he wants and what he will get. Complex roads and detours don't mean anything to him. Someone who can create his own path and break down walls. He has completely transcended the mind and its difficulties. He is someone who does not give in to mental challenges. A disease cannot destroy him. He knows what he wants. He's a problem solver. He can communicate with spirits because he knows that he is a spiritual being. He is smart and knows how to use information. Life's complex puzzles are an easy game for him. He is noble and maintains his integrity. It does not reduce its value to anyone. He has different abilities and can create something that never existed. This could be anything. He can see a color that doesn't exist at all. He can cook a dish he has never tasted before. He is a warrior of the mind. Distracting fogs do not scare him
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Wheel of fortune | Strenght | Hermit
She/he is a earth angel. He brings his power and might wherever he goes. He's not fragile. He's not afraid to cry. He brings luck to people and wherever he goes. He turns the wheels himself. He has love for helping people and adding a new color to their lives. He knows the wilderness well. He knows hurt people's egos. He knows this world we come from and its sharp rocks well. He follows God and the path opened by him. He brings his healing touch to the souls injured along the way. He then returns to himself and continues on his own selfless path. The best version of you is such an incredible person. He doesn't like to be in the spotlight and knows how superficial it is (and it's okay to be in the spotlight) that what matters most comes from within and happens sincerely. He knows that the most real thing is sincerity. He knows well the depth and power of that heart and love.
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6 of cups rv | 5 of cups rv | Ace of cups
He is someone freed from the shackles of the past. He knows that a new future is created by erasing the past. He is not afraid to go into his past and heal all his wounds by confronting them. He's strong and he's getting stronger. He is not stuck in that darkness and knows that what is best for him is not through revenge. He follows the path of love and puts his ego aside. He is a loving part of god/universe. She is strong and knows that god/universe knows what is best for her and will show her the way. He is taking his lessons and learning. When something happens to him again and again, he knows there is a lesson to learn from it. He is intelligent and learns from his mistakes and the mistakes of others without judging or condemning them. He gives love to those around him and is aware of the power of kindness, but he does not refrain from protecting and defending himself. He knows. Love is the greatest protection.
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Six of cups | 6 of wands | Queen of pentacles
The best version of you is your current version. The person who overcame all those difficulties in the past, the person who cried and laughed, the person who loved and hated, the person who created and destroyed, all the cells that make up you, all the air you breathe and everything that makes you who you are. Love him because he is the best you and that person will never be in this world like this again. You are the best version of yourself.
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Ace of cups
The best version of you is the person who gets up from bed every morning and combs her hair. The person who doesn't give up and is not afraid to look in the mirror. He has accepted even the smallest flaws and does not pay attention to anyone because he knows that everyone keeps and covers their own secrets. He is a person who works for his dreams and is not afraid to dream.The best version of you is the person who is human. Of course he is aware of his soul, but he is also aware of his flaws. A person who loves and respects animals and other living creatures. Person who opposes depression. A person who is afraid. Crying person. Jealous person. The person who hates. The person who laughs and feels.
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fuctacles · 2 days
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A tale as old as time
For @subeddieweek Day 7 | M | 2696 | cw: age gap (about 25-30y difference, Eddie's age is not stated, Steve's aligns with canon) | camboy Eddie, transmasc Eddie, kinda sugar daddy Steve?, modern AU, simp Steve, virgin Eddie, chatfic, pre-anything, gray ace Eddie
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"Hawkins High '86? How old is this guy?" Eddie asks himself, his eyebrows raised. There is a letterman in front of him, a gift from one of his top subscribers. Hell, his top subscriber. His number-one fan, who was responsible for about half of his revenue.
He's opened a PO box recently, with no little amount of worry about what kind of stuff he might get. He only gave the address to his top subscribers but he knew that the ones with the most money were usually the most unhinged. He went to the post office with his heart in his throat but all he got was a set of lingerie, a toy, and the letterman he was now holding.
He tried not to think about what kind of people would pay for his content. As long as he was making money he didn't care. But now he got a piece of one of them in his hands. Staring back.
1986.
Meaning the guy must be nearing 60. Double Eddie's age. 
He tries to imagine that. An older guy, with wrinkles, maybe a beer belly, a gross old t-shirt, and his hand permanently in his sweats, beating it to his photos. 
It was gross. And in a way, alluring.
Though someone with so much money to spend on a camboy must have a well-paying job. Some rich asshole, exploiting others to do the work for him. That's a more likely scenario. He tries not to think about big, rough hands on him when he puts on the jacket and takes pics for Shar.
He edits them a bit before sending them, knowing the guy will get a kick from seeing him in his jacket. The appeal of wearing your boyfriend's letterman eluded him in high school, but being claimed like that gave him a heady feeling. The fact that the guy could be his father apparently worked for him too. 
He doesn't put his phone away fast enough and sees the message that pops up.
Shar: So hot. You look like every repressed teen jock's dream
Shar: Definitely like mine
Eddie thinks a moment about his response, channeling the persona he takes on for the camera. 
PuppetOfMasters: Would I be your dirty secret?
PuppetOfMasters: Would you fuck me in the locker room behind your girlfriend's back?
Shar: I'd make YOU my girlfriend
Shar: Wait no
Shar: NOT LIKE THAT
Shar: A girlfriend but in a manly way
Eddie snorts.
You're good, he types. I know what you mean, don't worry.
He wouldn't keep around someone who didn't respect him. Besides, he made it clear he's saving for a transition with his Only Fans.
Thank god, Shar types. I respect who you are 
Shar: In fact, I spend so much money on you because of it. 
Eddie rolls onto his other side, his mood souring. One of those trans fetishists, then. That's fine, as long as he's being respectful and paying... Even if it leaves an unpleasant taste in his mouth. 
Ah, a connoisseur! Well, I hope I'm your favorite tranny, then, he jokes. He waits for an answer, but it doesn't come for a long while, so he flips his phone screen down and turns away, hoping for sleep.
A response is waiting for him when he wakes up. 
Shar: I guess it sounded that way, but I'm not that kind of pervert. You're the only trans sex worker I follow, but not the only trans person I've sent money to.
Eddie sauntered to the bathroom, not taking his eyes off his phone. He wonders if continuing the conversation is even the right move. He's talked to one too many guys who thought sending him a dick pick was okay after ten minutes of small talk between a content creator and a fan.
But he's kind of curious. When he has money to spare, he sends some change to other trans folks to help out, because he knows how hard it is from his own experience. But why Shar, a seemingly loaded old guy, would spend his money on queers instead of, let's say, starving children?
PuppetOfMasters: So you're just an ally with cash? Or is there more to it? I'm curious.
He goes through his morning routine, washing his face, and brushing his teeth, not expecting Shar to get back to him any time soon. So he's surprised when he picks his phone back up and a response is waiting.
Shar: Long story short, I hope my father is rolling in his grave while I spend his inheritance on people he hated so much.
That's not what Eddie expected at all. 
PuppetOfMasters: So I'm a means of rebellion against your bigoted dead father? I'll take that. I hate rich assholes
Shar: Me too
They don't talk for the whole day after that, but when Eddie's done running errands and editing in the evening, he looks back at the letterman hanging on the door of his wardrobe. 
How is sending me your letterman an act of rebellion? he asks. Because he's a curious little shit. 
The response comes fast like the guy is glued to his Only Fans chat. Gross. Eddie wonders briefly if he's talking with other sex workers there.
Shar: A souvenir of his precious high school fetishized on a queer ssex worker? He'd die if he hadn't already
So it is a fetish thing! Eddie smiles triumphantly at his phone.
Shar: Okay, fine
Shar: Sticking it to my father is just a bonus for you being really hot. 
Shar: And I do love seeing you in my letterman, I've jerked off to it three times already
Shar: is that what you wanted to hear?
Eddie grins, rolling on his bed.
PuppetOfMasters: Yes 
Shar: So yeah, I'm an old man who peaked in high school, laugh it up
PuppetOfMasters: I'd rather you peaked in me
Shar: Insufferable
Shar: Menace
Shar: Yeah, I'd love that. A man can dream, right?
Eddie bites his lip. How far is too far? The guy seems genuine and after the amount of creeps that's been chatting him up, he thinks his creep radar is quite good. Tentatively, he starts typing.
PuppetOfMasters: I don't know. I think people would like seeing me get railed by an older guy
Shar: An old guy, you mean
Shar: You'd make a video with me?
PuppetOfMasters: I record most of the sex I have, yes
Shar: Huh. I've never seen one before, then
PuppetOfMasters: warm, warmer
Shar: ... There aren't any?
PuppetOfMasters: din ding ding! ya boy is a virgin
Shar: shit
Shar: fuck
Shar: that's so hot
Shar: you'd let me?
PuppetOfMasters: Would I let my best-paying subscriber be my first time on camera? Probably
Not necessarily to be released but he couldn't lose the possibility of such golden content in case it was watchable. 
Shar: I'd better keep my spot then. Just in case.
PuppetOfMasters: No worries, you seem the most trustworthy so far anyway.
But as he types it, a new notification appears. Shar sent him a hefty tip on one of his photos.
PuppetOfMasters: That's really not necessary
PuppetOfMasters: But I hope your father is kicking and screaming in his coffin
Shar: I fucking hope so
----
It takes Eddie another day to google Hawkins High's yearbook photos. He'd thought about it before but didn't want to break the bubble of anonymity between himself and his fan. But the thoughts of big hands on his hips, and beard rubbing against his neck, took root in his brain and were tainting his mind.
Not fully in tune with his body and distrustful of others, Eddie has been single for most of his life. And now his stupid horny brain was drooling at the thought of losing his virginity to a grandpa on the internet. 
Hoping it would help his thoughts calm down, he looks through the photos from the year 1986, in search of a Harrington. And he finds him.
Steve Harrington. Basketball captain and swim team co-captain. His hairdo was magnificent and his smile was self-confident. Eddie would hate him in high school. Should probably hate him now. So he expands his search further, beyond the Hawkins High memory lane.
He finds one single photo on a LinkedIn profile. 
The current Steve Harrington's hair is no less magnificent, just peppered with silver. He wears glasses now, which accentuate the line of his jaw and make his neatly trimmed facial hair pop out. He's wearing a yellow jacket and a white golf, which should be hideous but weirdly, works for him. Eddie doesn't get to see his eyes, unfortunately. The photo looks like a candid photo shoot take-out after someone told him a joke. His head is tilted down, eyes scrunched and lips pulled in a smile, as a bubbling laugh got immortalized on camera.
Eddie shouldn't be finding a sixty-year-old man this endearing. 
PuppetOfMasters: I like your LinkedIn photo
PuppetOfMasters: Well, I hope it's you. 
PuppetOfMasters: Steve, right?
He can't forget about this for the whole day, not as he budgets his income, and especially not when he records a short video jerking off in the shower. He tries not to look at his phone but it's his only one, so he does while trying to budget in a second one, just for sex work. Maybe then he wouldn't be feeling so insane about not getting a response from a stranger who is an old pervert spending loads of money on him. 
He tries to be normal when a chat notification finally pops up. 
Shar: If you saw the golf and yellow jacket photo, that's me
Shar: though please don't make me type my full name in here.
no worries, Eddie types back so fast he should be embarrassed. It's a good photo.
Shar: Thanks. My best friend took it 
PuppetOfMasters: Your friend has a good eye
Shar: I'll let her know
Shar: I'm surprised it took you this long to search me up
Eddie's surprised too. Usually, his curiosity would take over him sooner.
PuppetOfMasters: I tried not to pry. But I had to in case we were gonna meet up one day
Shar: So you were serious?
Shar: I've been wondering if you sweet-talk all your followers like that 
PuppetOfMasters: Only the ones that don't send me dick pics
Shar: I knew holding back would pay off
Eddie snorts at his phone. 
Though I might need one before we meet up, he types. Gotta know what I'm working with
Shar: Right. Of course
Shar: So how would that work?
Eddie hasn't thought about it this far.
PuppetOfMasters: I need to read about OF's policy on collabs. Never had to before, since I work solo. Would probably have to hire you, well, sign a commission/gig contract or something like that. So it's all legal and shit.
Shar, Steve, doesn't answer for a long while, and it might be the end of his devirginizing journey. Well, if the guy doesn't want to make this legal, put his name on some paperwork, then he isn't trustworthy, and that's the end of it.
It's half an hour later and Eddie's bitten all his nails off trying not to follow up with any messages and focus on anything else when an answer finally comes.
Shar: Sorry my friend was bothering me
Shar: this sounds more complicated than I anticipated. So I would be like, a co-creator, then?
PuppetOfMasters: Precisely
Shar: Holy shit okay
Shar: Thought I'd be you know, less involved
Though you could hit it and quit it, huh? Eddie scrunched his nose. What was he getting himself into? Gods.
Shar: If that's what you wanted I'd take it
Eddie shouldn't be blushing over this one. It's like he's throwing the man scraps and he's licking them up.
PuppetOfMasters: Simp
Shar: I am what I am
Shar: With that said, I'm willing to make it work. Do all the paperwork you need
PuppetOfMasters: Doing paperwork just to fuck me? so romantic
Shar: I suck at paperwork so my friend would be doing it anyway
Shar: If that's okay
PuppetOfMasters: I think it's best if someone looks it over, yeah
Eddie hesitates for a moment.
PuppetOfMasters: That friend doesn't happen to be your wife?
Fuck no, comes the immediate response
Shar: I'm perpetually single and she's as gay as they come. 
PuppetOfMasters: Good. Wouldn't want to be the other girl
Shar: If I had the chance you'd be the only one
PuppetOfMasters: Jesus.
Eddie squeezes his legs together unconsciously.
PuppetOfMasters: Stop sweet talking me, I've already agreed to fuck
Shar: But we haven't signed anything yet. Even then, I'll keep sweet-talking you. It's what you deserve. 
For the first time, Eddie thinks he might not survive their meeting. And not because of the possible killer scenario. Thankfully, Steve gets back to business talk.
Shar: How would this work, legal stuff aside? Do you script this?
PuppetOfMasters: Do I look like I script shit?
Shar: I'm not the one with Only Fans
PuppetOfMasters: Fair. I think we could just set up cameras and do whatever we feel like. Then decide together if the footage will be released or not. 
Shar: Sounds reasonable
Shar:When would you want to do this?
When?
Eddie hasn't thought that far. In fact, he felt like he hadn't been thinking for the past couple of days. 
I'm the sole god of my schedule so I'm open to anything, he types evasively.
Shar: I have some time off next month, could fly to wherever you need me
Next month seemed close. Extremely close. Or maybe it wasn't? He never worked with anyone before. Hell, he didn't even have that many friends to meet up with. 
Next month works I guess, he answers despite his nerves.
Shar: Wanna face time before we start the legal work?
His nerves escalate, making his mouth dry. He reminds himself he's done this before, he's on camera all the time. 
PuppetOfMasters: Like, right now?
Shar: Yeah?
PuppetOfMasters: Ok, give me five minutes.
Eddie shoots up, checks himself in the mirror, and finds a good angle for his phone to set up. He lowkey hopes Steve picks up with his dick in the frame so Eddie can block him with a clear conscience and forget about the whole thing. When six minutes from his last message pass, he hits 'call'.
"Hi," Eddie squeaks when the video connects. Steve Harrington's arms are in the frame, crossed on the desk, and toned where he's leaning on them.
"Hi," he greets him with a dazzling smile. 
It is the guy from the photo, so at least he's not being catfished. And he has none of the creepy simp energy Eddie feared. He's just... a guy. It's both a relief and a disappointment. 
"Well?" the guy asks.
"Well, what?" Eddie frowns. 
"Are you disappointed? Am I too old?"
Eddie looks at him properly. His hair is lighter on the sides, but not grey yet, and the video quality doesn't make any wrinkles stand out to him. Maybe some worry lines, crow's feet if he squints. He looks like he keeps in shape, too. Eddie wouldn't call him old. Mature, maybe. A DILF slowly transforming into a Silver Fox. 
"You look fine. Good. You look good. Attractive," Eddie fumbles with his words and barely stops himself from facepalming. This is why he mostly texts.
Steve smirks at him. And holy shit, a dude twice his age smirking at him shouldn't be doing things to his body.
"You sure? You're not gonna block me after we hang up, are you?"
Eddie shakes his head.
"I stand by our plans. You're passing my creep radar so far, but uh..." He scratches his cheek nervously. "I'd like to keep in touch in case, you know. A red flag pops up. I hope you get it."
Steve nods, his expression growing serious.
"Absolutely. We're strangers, after all."
"Yeah." Eddie nods, relieved. It would give him ample time and opportunities to back out.
On the screen, Steve leans more on his arms, closer to the camera. 
"So I think dick assessment is next on the checklist?"
Eddie might not even survive video calls with this guy, after all. 
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evilsanlang · 9 hours
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happy lesbian visibility week. remember that, even in countries were femicide is acknowledged, lesbophobic hate crimes are lumped in with barely a word of note. remember that most people shy away from the word lesbian as if it's a dirty thing, and that it's not interchangeable with the sanitized term of the week. remember that lesbianism is not "restrictive", and that realizing you aren't attracted to men in a world that tells you that is not a possibility is more freeing than you could ever imagine. remember that transness isn't anthetical to lesbianism, but an integral part of it. remember that we're not the mean girl cardboard cutouts that exist in your head but people with varied life experiences and backgrounds just like you. remember to love lesbians even when we're the mean hairy man-hating dykes you hear so much about. remember that our relationships are more than soft kissing hand-holding lukewarmth and deserve to be taken seriously in all their depth. remember that we don't exist for anyone's pleasure but our own. remember that we exist even when you think we don't, or wish we didn't. remember that we'll continue to exist, everywhere, always.
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bountydroid · 10 hours
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Darlin' pt 4
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pt 1 / pt 2 / pt 3 / pt 5
Cooper Howard/The Ghoul x f!reader (Slowburn romance)
Description: Reader realizes her growing feelings for her traveling companion in Filly.
Notes: Okay, so I am SO proud of this part. Please let me know what you guys think. 
TW: Kinda angsty at the end.
"Find somethin' to do," Cooper says as he makes himself comfortable on a chair, watching the store across from him carefully. 
I huffed and crossed my arms before looking around. "A new shirt would be nice." I thought to myself as I looked down at my mud-covered clothing.
"You got any extra caps?" I asked, leaning up against the side of his chair.
"No." He responds shortly. 
I hummed in response. Just as I started to walk away I felt him grab my wrist, "Don't get into any trouble darlin'." He said, smirking, "Wouldn't want a repeat of last time. You'll scare away my target." 
Embarrassment crept up into my cheeks, "I'll be good." I mumbled. I was not sure If I was telling that to myself or him. Probably both to be honest, but it seemed to satisfy him as he let go of my arm. The last thing I wanted to do was mess up this job for him. He was finally warming up to me, and the idea of ruining that ate at the back of my mind.
Filly was an interesting town. It was packed to the brim with fiends and travelers alike. I couldn't help the nervousness that settled in my stomach as I got farther and farther away from my newfound companion. I felt safe with him, safer than I have ever felt in my life. Most people would think that strange. Safe with a ghoul? I thought back to the man who called me a freak for being with the ghoul as I blushed. He thought we were together. A couple. Butterflies found their way into my stomach as I thought about the possibility. Romance was something that I never thought I would experience beyond the tattered books my brother got me from a wandering trader.
"Stop being stupid, Y/n. He doesn't want you." I thought to myself.
Without any caps, I decided to find a place to sit and lay low. I was determined to stay out of trouble, so I found a nice tree to sit up against while I watched all the people go by. I found watching all the different kinds of people walk through extremely interesting. All different types of hair colors, hairstyles, clothing, and weapons. Not to mention odd couples, siblings, and partners. All the new experiences were overwhelming. I found myself sitting there watching for longer than expected. After I had my fill, I got up from the tree and started heading back to Cooper. 
"Right where I left you," I said to myself as his sitting form became clear. He had his hat covering most of his face, I assumed it was to avoid detection. The last town made it very clear that ghouls were not welcome.
As I made my over to him I saw his head tilt and his eyes peer up at me from under his hat. I smiled at him, "No trouble here."
He snorted in response as his eyes flickered over to the men wrestling each other across the way. "You might be the only one darlin'."
I leaned up against his chair again, letting some weight off of my feet. "My feet are-" I start to say before a person caught my eye. Her unique outfit and soft hair made her stand out from the rest of the crowd. 
"A vaultie," Cooper responds, anticipating my question before it even forms.
"Those are real?" I gasp before leaning forward, wanting to get closer to her. 
"Yeah, they are real." Cooper sighed as his hand shot back up to my arm. "Don't talk to her."
I frown but I keep quiet as I continue to watch her. He then kicked my foot gently to draw my attention back to him. "I mean it, darlin'."
"Fine," I say sighing as she disappears into the shop across the way. I felt sadness creep into my stomach as his hand dropped down to his lap and went back to fiddling with an empty Radaway bottle. The butterflies from earlier returned as I thought about his touch. I bit my lip as I stared up at the sky.
"What has gotten into me?" I thought to myself.
We stayed there in silence for some time before a man and a dog came into town, making his way to the same shop the vaultie was in. I recognized him from the drawing. It was the bounty. I shifted in anticipation as he started making conversation with the vaultie at the front door.
"So now what?" I whispered, excitement laced in my voice. 
"Now... you find somewhere to hide," Cooper said back. "And you don't come out till' I say so, got it?"
I frowned, confused. "Hide?" 
"They ain't gonna let me just take him, darlin'." He responded, shifting in his seat as he readied for action.
The implication was clear. There was going to be another shootout. Not only was I unarmed, but I was unfamiliar with weapons altogether. Hiding was definitely the best course of action for me. 
"Right," I said as I looked around before making my way behind one of the buildings.
Once I was finally out of view I heard Cooper's familiar voice, "Whilzig!" He shouted.
I peeked around the corner to see him walking up to the bounty. At this point, they were too far away for me to hear. I could tell that the people of the town now saw him for what he was as all eyes were on him, a ghoul. "That is a lot of people." I thought to myself. I was starting to worry.
"Now last night a bounty came in through all six agencies!" He shouted again. 
I whipped back around and pressed myself to the building taking deep breaths as I tried to tamp down the panic in my chest. Once the first gunshot rang out I could hear the townspeople scrambling. "Maybe no one will give him any trouble?" I thought to myself. I was being naive again, but I didn't care.
"I got a thousand bottle caps for whoever kills that fucker!" I heard a woman scream out. "But you don't get shit if I kill him first."
"Shit," I whispered. I took one last deep breath before I peeked back around the building. I watched as Cooper moved in a circle, taking count of all the men lining up to fight for those caps. Our eyes met for a moment. While my eyes were filled with fear, his eyes were filled with confidence. He gave me a small smirk before continuing to circle around, waiting for someone to be brave enough to take a shot. 
Once the shots started, all hell broke loose. I could hear wood breaking and bodies being thrown. Some of the ammunition even made its way through the buildings and out the other side. 
In defense, I curled up in a ball on the ground. I was so worried about him that I didn't even realize that I could be shot too.
When there was a brief pause in gunfire, I fought the temptation to look out again. "Don't come out till I say so." His words echoed in my head.
As the shots started up again, I felt something pierce my arm. I fought the urge to shout in pain as tears started to run down my face. One of the men's shots went through the building and into my arm. I look down to see a nail and some wood splinters sticking out of me. 
"Fuck." I whimpered as I cradled the wound trying to take deep breaths.
As I did my best to steady my breathing I heard a robotic voice say, "She said stand down ghoul."
I look around the corner to see a knight making his way towards Cooper, "Knight Titus of the Brotherhood of Steel. Stand down, or be cut down."
I couldn't hear Cooper's response, but I saw a look of disbelief and amusement on his face. 
"Just do what he says, please," I whisper to myself. "Cooper." Just as I finish saying his name he lifts his gun at the girl and the knight makes a run towards her, jumping in front of her to take the bullet. 
I squeeze my teary eyes together as I turn back around. If Cooper was going to be killed by this knight. I didn't want to see it. 
Gunshots rang out again, this time it was just Cooper and the knight. To distract myself I looked back down at my arm, still bleeding. I had no idea what to do so I decided to pull the nail out. I took a deep breath in anticipation before giving it a good, hard yank. I couldn't help the loud cry that escaped my mouth. At the same time, I heard a body fly into some wood nearby. "It's not Cooper, it's not Cooper," I repeated over and over again as I fussed over my arm. 
"Well, I'd say come up here and get me, but it's hard to walk upstairs while wearing a 12-piece cast-iron skillet set." Cooper chuckled.
Relief flooded my body when I heard his voice. The sudden sounds of bullets, explosions, and crashing filled my ears. I closed my eyes tight as I waited for it all to stop.
Eventually, I heard the knight flying overheard, clearly having lost control of his suit. It was over. 
"Y/n?" I heard Cooper yell out. 
I unsteadily got up on my feet and shuffled out from behind the building, still cradling my arm. "I am here."
As his eyes raked me over and stopped at my arm a look of concern washed over his face. He jogged over to take a closer look.
"I'm okay." I try and convince him as he gently touches my wound. 
"Those crocodile tears suggest otherwise, sugar." Cooper responds, giving me a small smile. "Let's find you a stimpack."
I nod my head as he wraps his arm protectively around me and guides me towards the shop. He only lets go when we reach the dog, wounded and whining on the ground. He gently picks it up and brings it into the shop with us. After putting the dog down on the table, he starts to rummage through the junk in the shop. 
"There's gotta be one around here somewhere." He mumbles. 
Between sniffles I say, "When you find one, give it to the dog."
He lets out a small chuckle as he finally finds what he's looking for. "Well lucky for us I found two."
"And the bounty?" I ask as he makes his way towards me.
"Ah, I'll get him," Cooper says, brushing off my concerns before he quickly stabs me with the needle.
"Ouch!" I whine as he rubs my arm while shushing me.
"You are okay, Darlin'." He coos.
"The dog-" I start.
"I got the dog." Cooper interrupts before giving the dog the other stimpack, petting his head gently. A smile erupts across his face as the dog pops up, immediately feeling better. "There."
I smile wide as I watch him with the dog. "You like dogs."
He looks over at me still smiling as his eyes flicker over to my arm. The wound was healed and I am no longer cradling it, the pain completely gone. "Feelin' better?" He asked, already knowing the answer.
All the feelings I had experienced during the shootout came flooding back to me as my smile faded. I felt overwhelmed with sadness, fear, and relief. "I-" I started as tears filled my eyes. 
"I was so worried about you!" I cried out as I ran towards him and wrapped my arms around him. 
Faster than it took to wrap my arms around him, I felt him rip me off. He dug his fingers into my shoulders as he held me at arm's length, shaking me gently. "Don't." He said sternly.
Embarrassment washed over me as I stared down at my feet. "I-"
"Just, don't." He interrupted, sighing before releasing me. "We will wait here until nightfall and then we'll follow Whilzig's trail. See if you can find anything useful around here while we wait."
"Okay," I whispered in response before shuffling to the other end of the store. The rejection stung so deeply that I could barely focus on what I was looking at. Right when he started to warm up to me, I ruined it.
tag list: @msrawog @valdemarismynonbinarylove @topiramateagreeable @whizbang-cap @sitkafay
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zoeykallus · 12 hours
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Hello there!
Would you mind giving us something angsty? Like, Reader confesses her love to the batchers (and maybe Rex and Mayday?). They do feel the same, but they react in the wrong way somehow, so that reader gets hurt, but in the end there is something like a happy end? Like separate little short fics or one-shots.
I know that's probably a lot of work, so please don't feel pressured to do this.
Aloha! Yeah, I think I can do that 😊
The Bad Batch/ Mayday/Rex x Reader Prompts – Confessions
Part 1/7 - Tech
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Warnnings: Love Confessions/Angst/Hurt/Comfort/Fluff
Masterlist Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)
AC: I tried to tackle this one with the thought in mind that Tech is/might be in some autistic spectrum. Now please don't throw any stones at me, I have no real life experience on that subject, so I kinda wrote this one the way I feel Tech after almost three season.
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You've had feelings for him for a while now. Your heart beats faster, you feel warm when he approaches you and your eyes meet. You could listen to him day and night, no matter what he talks about. You think a part of him knows this, must know it, because when he discovers something new and wants to tell someone about it, he usually comes to you automatically. Because you listen to him attentively, every time. Your feelings go beyond friendship, you long to be close to him, you miss him every second he's not around. But you know Tech is somehow different. Sometimes he's very forthcoming, seems to enjoy being around you, but other times, he's more distant, almost as if he's trying to keep you at arm's length, as if he can't handle your presence right now. You have no idea how exactly to assess this behavior, it often feels like a roller coaster ride. It's not always easy to deal with and adjust to. But you want to do the right thing, so you don't push him when you realize he's pulling away, even if it hurts.
But one day, you summon up all your courage. Tech and you are working on damage to the outer hull of the Marauder. Until just now, he was telling you about his idea to improve the alloy for the metal of the outer hull and how he plans to make certain modifications to the ship in the future. Now, however, there is a brief pause, and you continue to work in silence. Your gaze wanders thoughtfully from his helmet, which is resting on a toolbox behind him, back to him Your heart is pounding in your throat, your hands are even shaking a little as you decide to finally tell him, to tell him how you feel about him. "Tech?" His name comes over your lips, almost like a whisper. He heard you, though. Normally he would answer you and listen without looking up from his work, but something about the way you say his name catches his attention this time. He pauses, turns his head in your direction and looks at you, his eyes widening a little. "What's wrong?"
His gaze, those beautiful eyes, like dark brown amber. Your knees go weak. You try to hold his gaze, but every now and then, you blink and look to the side before looking at him again as you speak. "There's something I need to tell you" His brows move up questioningly. "Is it something important?" You hesitate for a second before saying, "I guess it's a matter of opinion. It's very important to me" Surprised, you watch as Tech puts down his tools and turns to you. "Then let me hear it," he says promptly. Now you have his undivided attention. Your stomach is tingling, your heart is doing wild tricks in your chest. Your mouth goes dry, and you hastily reach for the water bottle to take a few sips. As you put the bottle down, your hand trembles so much that you can barely put the bottle down properly. Tech doesn't miss this, of course, his brows draw together in concern, but he waits silently for you to tell him. "I have feelings for you," you suddenly say so quickly, with a look on your face as if you were ripping off a band-aid. Then you smile nervously, inwardly cursing at yourself.
He stands there, motionless, and looks at you. Occasionally he blinks. You don't know what you were expecting, but some kind of reaction would have been nice. You nervously hold your breath.
"Romantic?" he finally asks after what feels like an eternity.
You finally dare to breathe again. He sounds thoughtful, confused, maybe even overwhelmed, but you can't quite put your finger on it right now, your own thoughts and your heartbeat are so incredibly loud.
"Yes, Tech. You know, accelerated pulse when you're near me, tingly feeling in my stomach, the need to be close to you, to want to please you. Bittersweet nervousness..."
For a moment, he looks at you as if you have a rare disease that might be contagious, and your stomach tightens at the sight. You regret saying a single word. "I'm not sure how to deal with this," he says thoughtfully, averting his eyes, "I can't... process" You can't help but stare at him helplessly. You feel the blood drain from your face, and your whole body suddenly seems to become much heavier. You swallow and say in a helpless attempt to pretend everything is okay, "It's okay, Tech, we don't have to talk about it" You turn back to your work, avert your gaze, and you miss Tech's confused, questioning look as he asks, "Don't we have to? You said it's important to you" "No," you say and put the tool to work, "We don't have to, everything can just stay the way it was before" He looks at you silently for a while longer, lost in his thoughts, before resuming his work. _______ Over the next few days, you hardly speak a word, in fact you avoid him. You feel like an idiot, hurt and exposed. The thought that Tech knows about your feelings makes you feel like you're walking around naked and every one of his questioning, scrutinizing glances weighs heavily on you.
One evening, as you sit alone in the cockpit, you hear someone walk toward you, and by now you can already tell that Tech is approaching by the sound of his footsteps. You shrink into the co-pilot's seat and focus obsessively on the datapad in your hands. As he says your name, your shoulders shrink down, you try to make yourself even smaller, you don't look up as you answer, "Yes?" His voice sounds soft, but still in his very own matter-of-fact way, as he says, "A few days ago, when you told me about your feelings, you said we didn't have to talk about it and everything could be the same. But it's not. You're avoiding me, avoiding eye contact. I realized that my first reaction made you feel insecure, probably even gave you the wrong impression. I've come to the conclusion that nothing is the same as before and that there is a real need to talk about it" You sigh softly and ask, "Is there something on your mind?" Instead of answering, Tech leans down towards you. Surprised and a little startled, your eyes do wander in his direction. He kisses your cheek gently and chastely, then sits down in the pilot's seat.
Your fingers automatically move to the spot where his lips touched your cheek, leaving a soft, tingling sensation. You feel warm, but at the same time you are confused and can't help but stare at him questioningly. "After some time to process what I've heard, said and felt, I've realized that these feelings are apparently mutual. I hope that's not a problem" You blink several times and straighten up a little in your seat. A soft smile at the corners of your mouth. "That's not a problem, Tech, not at all" He nods, smiling. "Good, so we can explore this new territory together, right?" You resist the urge to fall around his neck, you know that Tech processes things differently, especially in the interpersonal sphere, that he takes longer and values physical contact very differently. You nod, your smile a little wider. "I'd love to, Tech," you say softly. Your heart almost leaps out of your chest with joy as he reaches for your hand, tentatively at first, but eventually with gentle determination. With a cautious smile, he says, "I hope you'll be patient with me" You laugh softly, gently, and beam at him as you reply, "I have all the time in the world for you, Tech"
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salbei-141 · 1 day
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My girl (Wanda x reader)
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Masterlist
word count: 1.2k
warnings: 18+, fluff, comfort, friends to lovers, trauma, death, love confession, etc.
a/n: woah, first post of the year...almost 5 months into the year...wbk a schedule doesn't exist here.
So, there were a few things that made me realise I was bi and Elizabeth Olsen was one of them - can you blame me? So I propose this!
Also, y'all please if I get any lore incorrect do not come for me, I haven't watched Marvel in a while, and nor can I be bothered to rewatch them either, SUE ME.
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You and Wanda were best friends and had grown up together in Sokovia - your home country destroyed by the supposed American hero Tony Stark himself. You remember it as clear as day - being huddled between Wanda and Pietro. None of you moved, still as day, and terrified - it was a kind of fear you'd hope you'd never have to experience again. You remember the cries of Wanda as you held onto each other - you were just children at the time, it was a diabolical event to be forced to endure.
To this day you were unsure of what happened to your parents - you could only assume the same had happened to them as had happened to the Maximoff's parents, but you couldn't say for definite, and it weirdly gave you some sort of peace not knowing the brutality of how they had died - although you'd hoped it was quick and succinct in nature.
You were all in your 20s now, and yet not a year had gone by since that day where you'd forgotten the trauma of it all - it weighed upon your shoulders day in and day out like a parasite. What followed the bombing wasn't any better…you were mutants - or at least that's how some people had described you. You felt stronger now though - it felt freeing almost, there was little to fear now. However, nothing could save you from the memories…you, Wanda and Pietro still fell victim to your childhood trauma - especially Wanda.
"Wanda?" you walked into her room tentatively after hearing the soft sounds of her cries - it tore your heart into two, knowing the pain she was in, and more so that she was enduring it alone was hurting you in an indescribable manner that you always felt upon seeing her in any severity of distress.
She was led on her bed curled up like a child clutching onto a teddy you'd got for her Christmas several years ago - it warmed your heart that she still held it so closely and for comfort. You watched as her head turned slightly - her eyes were red and slightly puffy, but she said nothing to you as you stood at the door.
You closed her door silently and moved towards her tentatively as you sat on the side of her bed staring down at her with soft eyes. Moving your hand, you gently carded your fingers through her auburn locks, watching as tears silently rolled down her reddened cheeks.
You remained sat at the edge of her bed, and gently beckoned her into your arms, "Come here, I got you". Instead, she pulled you further onto her bed, so the both of you could get comfortable before she then sunk into the comfort of your arms as she continued to cry into your chest. You moved slightly to adjust to a more comfortable position with her in your arms, and felt as her grip tightened, "I'm not going anywhere…I'll never leave you Wanda". She looked up at you with desperate eyes, "Never?". "Never", you confirmed and kissed her on the forehead as you pulled her against your chest again, holding her with a conviction that you'd only ever designate to her.
You don't know how long had gone by, but Wanda still lay in your arms, having calmed down now. You had been gently running your fingers through her hair, massaging her scalp, feeling as she'd occasionally shiver from your touch.
"Y/N?"
She looked up from your chest with those round, soft eyes that made you cave to her every request.
"Hm?"
You looked back down meeting her gaze, watching as she searched your eyes.
"Thank you."
Tucking a strand of her hair that had fallen across her face back behind her ear, you smiled softly, speaking in a whisper almost, "I'd do anything for you".
"I know", and she stared at you just adoringly as you had been staring at her - neither of you quite aware of the emotions that had transgressed the platonic relationship you both maintained - fearful of losing one another over the looming prospect of an unrequited love. How naive you both were.
You let your hand linger on the side of her face - never having drawn back once her hair had been tucked. Your fingers delicately caressed her cheek - feeling the way it warmed under your touch.
You watched intently as her eyes flickered between your eyes and lips. Should you? You didn't know, scared to ruin things and lose your best friend, but she was also the woman you'd grown to love - she was more than your friend, and she knew that too - you'd both been yearning for this for years – too naïve to notice one another’s loving gazes.
"please", her voice was quiet, meek almost, but you could hear the plead in her voice.
Her eyes looked into your own – begging for your attention, and that's when you'd had enough, you leaned forward – teasingly stopping just before her lips.
“Promise me…promise me we won’t go back to just friends after this…please Wanda”, you searched her eyes for any doubt, and you couldn’t identify anything – her pupils were dilated as she stared into your eyes.
Wanda closed the gap between the both of you, catching you off guard while you’d awaited an answer, but this was the best way she could’ve answered you. Her lips were soft and you were quick to respond to her. You could still taste the remnants of salt from her tears, which had been long forgotten as the both of you were entrenched in one another.
It was euphoric - the way her lips moved along with yours - it was better than any dream you'd ever had about her; the days you’d deafly listen to her as she’d speak in front of you, only for you to have been too busy watching the way her lips moved as she spoke, before turning into a grin as she’d realise you’d been in a word of your own.
You let your hand drift from her face down her arm – feeling the way her skin goose-bumped as your supple touch passed over the exposed skin of her arm until you rested it on her waist as she kept herself steady with her hands wrapped in your shirt.
A soft moan reverberated in her throat as you lightly gripped her waist more – a smirk plastering your face as you continued kissing her.
The both of you slowly pulled away fluttering yours open. Nothing was said as you both smiled at each other before falling into a fit of giggles as she buried her face in your chest and you in the nape of her neck.
“We’re idiots”, she mumbled against you, as she gently lifted her face to meet yours again – both laying against her pillows with little space separating you.
“I love you”, you couldn’t hold it in any longer as it blurted out of you. She knew you meant it – you’d never looked so serious about anything as you did now.
She leaned forward pressing her lips to yours again, “I love you too…I love you so much Y/N”.
You both stared into each other’s eyes – soft gazes lingering as you gently stroked her waist with your thumb.
“Now you can really never leave me”, she smiled at you – referencing your earlier comment back to you.
“I never planned on it anyway”, you pressed a kiss to her forehead, bringing her close to your chest as her arms wrapped around you. "My girl", you whispered into her ear hearing her hum in content as you proceeded to lay in each other’s hold in silence with the occasional kiss – the reality a surreal eutopia that you’d both thought unlikely.
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kaledya · 2 days
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How does Adam and Lute view Charlie?
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I'm still planning this AU, so what I'm saying is not certain and I am someone with really bad writing skills, but I will try to briefly explain what happened in this AU. Here's what happens. In the 1st episode when Charlie meets with Adam, the events do not develop as in the series, in general,
Adam has a serious attitude towards charlie, after charlie tells him the plans in a serious and detailed way, Adam briefly tells her that sinners can never experience redemption, that people who have made simple mistakes cannot be in hell, that people who are in hell deserve this pain and that they will continue to burn in hell unless they take back their sins. He also says that the real reason for the extermination in this AU is overpopulation and because of that,
Adam tells Charlie that if they don't do their job and the extermination ends, hell will be in a much bigger chaos than the chaos it is in now. He also tells Charlie that even if he and Lute accept the idea of redemption, it won't change anything, They can't decide what will happend, and then he says that there is nothing more to discuss and asks Charlie to leave.
(in this AU, Adam and Lute despise sinners and think Charlie's plan is illogical, but even though their attitude towards Charlie is cold and serious, they do not hate or insult her, they think it is unnecessary to insult someone who is trying to correct their father's mistake)
(In this AU, Adam and Lute are not evil, they are gray characters and their evilness depends on the point of view. Lute is an angel created for this job and he was raised to believe that what she did all her life was justice, so there is no reason for her to feel pity for the sinner. Except for his behavior in hell, Lute is really respected and loved by the other soldiers. Adam is a man who regrets the man he used to be, a man who has been changed in 10,000 years by the events with Lilith, and during this time he never pitied the sinner, because according to him, they were sent to hell by God's judgment).
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ladiemars · 3 days
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Bee gee 3 hot take incoming:
I don’t think Wyll is a virgin. I don’t think he has a ton of “experience” because he’s young and when he got banished he was even younger but still. It kind of drives me nuts when people talk about him like he’s a “uwu so innocent and so shy and so new to it all <3”
i 100% agree with you. he is so suave and spent the last seven years traveling the sword coast, probably staying at seedy inns and saving (extremely grateful 😏) locals. he fucks.
to be fair to people who believe he's a virgin, he does say "i still keep faith in the old tales of love, the once-upon-a-times and the happily-ever-afters." i can totally see how they might think he's saving himself for marriage. but i think they're wrong. (sorry!)
my interpretation of this line is different. "keep faith" means to believe in something even when it's difficult to do so. i imagine his relationships over the past seven years, if they can even be called that, have been fast and furtive. he was never able to have the true love he yearned for, but he continued to believe it was out there despite that because he's an innate optimist.
now that he's found love with tav, he wants to properly woo them. i don't think that makes him virginal or inexperienced. actually, he kind of reminds me of when people in their 20s or 30s leave hookup culture and start looking for a marriage partner. they know their exact wants and needs, and they don't fear commitment because they've already done everything.
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manheeiim · 1 day
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controlling? - rafe cameron
summary: ex-pogue!reader x kook!rafe - arguing with rafe over your pogue friends | warnings: toxic relationship, manipulation, drugs, rafe harshly grabs y/n's hand | genre: established relationship, angst | word count: approximately 1130
Rafe slammed the car door as he left me alone in the car, storming inside. He was pissed, really pissed, at me. We'd gotten into a big argument over my friends, whom were pogues. He hated me hanging out with them when I knew he hated them. I thought it wasn't fair since I was a pogue myself, originally at least, and since they were my friends.
I got out of the car, shutting it behind me as I trudged my way towards the house. I walked inside, looking for Rafe. I knew how he could get when he was angry but I just wanted to talk to him, even though I knew it'd probably end up in another fight. That's just how it was with Rafe.
I made my way down the hall, hearing some noises, and I saw Rafe, bent down in front of the counter, where some cocaine was poured on it in a line.
"Alright, alright. Just one." I could hear him whisper to himself.
I hated when he did drugs. I really did. I had enough bad experiences in my life with drugs, my family members overdosing and all of that, I didn't need that happening to him. That was my biggest fear.
"Rafe.." I quietly said as I hesitantly walked in. I walked over to him, "Please don't." I said as I walked closer to him.
"Y/n," Rafe looked up at me, looking annoyed. "Don't." He said, sniffing some of the cocaine.
I looked over and grabbed the small bag that had the remaining cocaine in it. He groaned as he got up, walking over to me, "What are you doing? Give it back to me." Rafe said.
"No." I told him, holding it away from him.
"Give it back." He then said before grabbing my hand harshly and forcing the small bag out of my hand. Rafe let go of me and walked a few steps away, pacing a little as he looked at me. "You know why I'm so upset right now?" Rafe then asked. I stayed silent. "Huh?" He said, wanting me to acknowledge him.
"What is it, Rafe?" I asked, letting out a sigh.
"You don't know how to listen to me." Rafe said and I just stood there, not really knowing what to say. "I tell you to not hang out with those dirty pogues, but you do it anyways." He then tells me.
"Don't say that." I said, hating when he called them "dirty pogues" since I was a pogue once too, and technically, I still am.
"No, I'm going to say whatever the fuck I want about them." Rafe harshly told me. "You go hang out with those people and look what happened, the cops got called to their little party, and I had to come get you." He scolded me as he continued to pace around.
"I'm sorry, Rafe." I said, letting out a small sigh.
"No, don't start with that shit, Y/n." Rafe said, walking closer to me. "I already have enough shit going on with the cops. My family has enough shit going on with the cops. I don't need you getting in trouble too. You got that?" He then asked. I stayed silent for a few moments, I understood where he was coming from. "You got that?" Rafe then asked again when I didn't answer him.
"Yeah." I said.
"Good." He sighed, going back to the table and kneeling down in front of it.
"I don't like you calling them "dirty pogues"." I blurted out and Rafe looked up at me.
"What?" He asked.
"I don't like you calling them "dirty pogues"." I repeated.
He let out a sigh as he got up again, coming over to me, standing directly in front of me as he looked down at me. "Yeah, well what else would they be?" Rafe asked.
"Good people. My friends." I said.
Rafe inhaled in frustration as he slowly blinked, "Yeah, and I hate that, you know that. They're always getting you in situations that you shouldn't be in." He told me.
"I know that they make bad choices sometimes, I do, but they're my friends, Rafe." I said. "Don't forget, that I knew them before I knew you. I was a pogue before I met you." I then told him.
Rafe closed his eyes for a second, taking a breath. I could tell he was really holding back. "You may have been." Rafe said. "But you're nothing like them. Especially not now." He sternly said, almost like he was trying to get me to believe that.
I don't say anything as I look away, he walks away, kneeling down by the counter again and sniffing some of the cocaine. I stay silent as I look down at my feet. I let out a shaky breath.
"You know what I don't like?" Rafe asked and I looked over at him, waiting for him to tell me. "I don't like you going around and doing whatever you want, completely disregarding me, your boyfriend, who's trying to do what's best for you." He told me.
"I'm sorry, Rafe. I know." I softly said, feeling bad. "I just.. why do you have to be so controlling?" I asked really quietly, hoping he didn't hear what I just said.
Rafe slammed his hands on the table, making me flinch as he stood up straight again. He walked over to me. "Controlling?" He repeated as he walked a few steps away, sniffing as he paced around the room. "Controlling?" He repeated, yelling this time, making me flinch. "I'm controlling for looking out for you?" He asked in a raised voice as he motioned towards himself. "All I do is make sure your safe, that you're healthy, that you're not being stupid and getting yourself into trouble, but all you do is defy me." Rafe scolded me as he walked over to me.
"I- I-" I didn't know what to say.
"Yeah, don't know what to say, huh?" Rafe stood in front of me. He looked at me for a few moments before sighing. "I do this because I love you. You know that, right?" Rafe asked and I nodded. "You know I'll take care of you. Alright?" He then asked and I just looked at him. "You don't need them. You have me." He said.
I looked at him for a few moments before I hugged him, wrapping my arms around his muscular torso and burying my face against his chest. His arms came around me as one wrapped around my torso and the other came up to my head, combing his fingers through my hair as he placed a kiss to my forehead.
I loved him, even if he wasn't good for me.
-- link to my masterlist
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catmelonwriting · 2 days
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the fic of aku and chuuya where the reader has bulimia was so good omg :,)
as someone who also suffers from bulimia i found it so so comforting
if possible could i please request another one with dazai, nikolai and poe <333
please remember to take care of yourself!! <3
More BSD Men with a bulimic! Reader
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Warnings: Bulimia, vomit type purging, Nikolai is ignorant, Nikolai spoon feeds you, Nikolai in general, I really fucking hate Dazai so I'm a little mean in his part, reader is not underweight b/c this is based on my experiences
Characters: Dazai, Nikolai, Poe
A/N: this is my first time ever writing for poe and I do not think I nailed his character but yk it's chill.. also I don't really like this I think the only one I really did good was Chuuya in pt 1
Part one here
Nikolai
- I'm so sorry 4 this but he probably thinks ur pathetic..
- Thinks bulimia is gross IM SORRY
- He won't try and stop u till his DUMBASS is informed by Fyodor that Bulimia, especially vomit + laxative purge types are very very very dangerous!!
- A sick part of him wants to encourage you to continue so if you die he'd feel free but ofc he pushes that away and won't encourage you
Oneshot
Catching you purge
You two had just finished eating dinner on your couch when you promptly excused yourself to the bathroom. He looks up at your standing form with suspicious eyes, but doesn't say anything and lets you wander off towards the bathroom.. just until he hears choking and coughing coming from your shared restroom.
You let out a gasp of surprise as you hear the bathroom door open with a loud bang. Fuck, did you really forget to lock it? You pull the end of your toothbrush out the back of your throat and turn around to face your loving boyfriend with tears in your eyes, who had a look of pity on his face.
He groans in exasperation, "Dove.. didn't I tell you to stop doing that?" He asks, his time filled with faux sympathy as he picks the toothbrush out of your hand, placing it back in the holder. All you can do is sigh.. he just didn't get it. "Kolya, I wish it was that easy, but it's not. It's really, really not."
"Oh please, excuses excuses." He mutters, pulling you to your feet before closing the toilet lid and flushing your dinner down the drain. "C'mon, let's get you some more food." Pulling you out of the bathroom by the arm, he drags you to the kitchen and sits you down on the floor.
"Kolya.. no.. I don't need anything else. I don't want anything else." You grumble while he digs in the fridge and pantries. "Well, you just threw up all the nutrients I gave you.. so we gotta get at least a little bit more in you." He smiles, sitting down in front of you with his legs crossed. He placed a bowl of applesauce in front of you, lifting up the spoon to your mouth. "Say aahh.." he giggles, and you begrudgingly open your mouth.
Once the bowl is finished, he places it in your sink and looks down at you with a serious edge in his eyes. "Now.. bathroom is off limits for.. let's say an hour. Cmon, I'll tuck you in."
Poe
- such a sweetheart omg :(
- holds you in his lap with his arms everytime you try and scurry off to your bathroom after a meal
- unlike nikolai he WILL stop you before you even get the chance to throw up
Oneshot
Stopping you from b/p
He had just finished cooking dinner and had placed your portion in front of you, before sitting across from you and staring down at his own meal. Poe had never eaten much himself.. but tried to start eating more to be a good example when you told him about your 'mia.
You wanted to cry. You knew you were either going to shove this all down your throat in five minutes or you weren't going to eat any of it, and you knew he knew. "My love.." He starts, his voice soft. "Can you try? Just a small bite?" He mumbles, reaching across the table and piercing a piece of broccoli on your fork, holding it up to you.
You took a deep breath, and took the fork from him, placing the food in your mouth. You tried, so, so hard. You placed the dirk down while you were chewing, making sure to go slow and take your time tasting the food.
Slowly, with his help, you finished your meal in what you two would call a normal length, around fifteen minutes, but everything inside of you told you to runaway towards the bathroom, stick the back of a toothbrush down your throat and rid yourself of all these calories. "I'll be right back, Ed." Clearing your throat, you stand up and walk towards the restroom.
You heard him sigh and his hand caught your arm, causing you to turn around and face him. You let out a huff as he pulls you down onto his lap, his arms wrapping around your waist and keeping you there "I know what you're going to do." His voice was soft, and gentle, you hated & loved it at the same time. It comforted you but it also made you feel so.. small, like you can't take care of yourself.
All you could find yourself able to do was lean into his touch, muttering a thank you while you rest your head on his chest.
Dazai
I fucking hate him so much I want him dead I hope the next attempt works Dazai
- Another IGNORANT man although this time he'll probably try and act like he cares
- bro probably threatens to tie you to the bed to stop you from binging
- "You can't ruin your perfect physique by binging, 'donna." Little does he know that does NOT help
- He'll say similar things about purging though too so it's fine
- "Shouldn't purge either. You're gonna screw up that pretty little throat and then I can't use it for .. other things."
Oneshot
Catching you binge
You were on the kitchen floor, stuffing your face with the pan of brownies you had made last night. You had already downed a bottle of milk, a loaf of plain bread, dry oats shoved into your mouth by the handful, anything you could think of. You wanted, no, needed, as much as you could get.
You jump as you hear a key turn in the front door, followed by the door opening and closing before Dazai stood above you, a look of disappointment on his face, and was that.. disgust? You knew people thought bulimia was disgusting, but him? Really? Your loving boyfriend?
"Okay, bella. Let's get this cleaned up." He sighs, pulling you to your feet. You were frozen, you just stood there as tears welled in your eyes from the humiliation and guilt. You needed the throw up. You pushed past him and sprinted towards the bathroom, only to be caught by the waist halfway there.
"No, no, no." He tuts, pulling your back against his chest. "There's no need for that. Remember what I said about needing that throat to be ready? Yeah, it's not gonna be if you're vomiting." He looks at you with a sickly sweet smile and all you wanted to do was collapse on the floor and sob but his arms kept you there.
Eventually, he pulled you down onto the floor with him so you sat on his lap as he whispered sweet nothing's in your ear, while you cried wishing you could just vanish.
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(Translation) Gilbert's Beast Manual His POV Story
The final installment in Gilbert's current party event.
Spoilers. I'm not a translator, I just throw stuff into online translators, so expect errors. Case 1 | Case 2 | Case 3 (I recommend you read these beforehand for the full experience.)
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Please be aware that this installment contains some heavier emotional content as well as sexual content later on—MDNI. As a final note, I recommend you have read Gilbert's proposal event beforehand. Just in case. (Technically I'd also recommend you have read his physical exam event too, but not to the same degree.)
I couldn't tell the little rabbit the real reason I had her accompany me on official business.
I'd most certainly earn a scolding and remonstration if I did.
I felt like I wanted to be scolded at least once though, since the little rabbit was the only one who could truly rebuke the conquering beast. However...
"I want the little rabbit to be able to survive in Obsidian even if by some chance I were no longer here."
Those were not words I could simply tell her, because I knew just how devastating they would be for her.
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(That being said, today's been worse than ever.)
Crimes of the older generations continuing to go unchecked, signs of rampant bribery within the military...
The little rabbit's beautiful eyes were exposed to so many of these things.
(What is it about this country that when one rotten thing disappears, three more take its place?)
(Maybe everyone's got a death-wish. Yet they still beg for their lives once they're weeded out.)
(...It's incomprehensible to me. If only they'd all just die to save me the trouble.)
Emma: Gil, are we done with official business for the day?
My darkening thoughts must have breached containment; as the little rabbit walked beside me she entwined her fingers with mine.
Her warm hand permeated the cruelty staining across my heart.
Gilbert: I don't have any plans, but is there anything you'd like to do?
Emma: Is it alright if I come to your room? I feel like your bookshelves are calling for me.
Gilbert: Of course it's alright.
(...You probably have a lot to think over.)
Her face only spelled out joy. There was no deceit to be found.
She didn't change her usual demeanor, not even when faced with an irritable beast.
(I've known Walter and Roderic for a long time and even they're prone to checking my complexion on days like this.)
Of course that certainly didn't mean she hadn't noticed a thing.
In fact, the little rabbit, with her keen insight into other people's emotions, should have already pinpointed mine.
[flashback to Case 1]
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Gilbert: Anyhow... was it written on my face?
Emma: ...Yeah, it was.
Gilbert: Hehe, well that's no good.
Emma: Isn't that what I'm here for?
Emma: To help give you even a little peace of mind?
[end flashback]
(That's what you said this morning, right?)
(...Truly, you're so gallant for a baby rabbit.)
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The little rabbit immediately leapt at the books once she arrived in my room.
Although she'd probably learned by now that concentrating on the books alone would make this troublesome beast very jealous.
So she picked out only one before walking over to the bed and sitting down beside that beast.
Gilbert: ...What's this? Political science?
Emma: I felt like doing some studying today.
(Oh, I see...)
(Someone with a truly pure heart doesn't get tainted after experiencing filth. But rather, they lament their own helplessness.)
(...That's just so like the old me.)
A young boy who'd once learned about corruption and then tried desperately to change the status quo.
And after he'd finished reading all the books available within the country, he'd asked a book dealer to regularly procure ones from other places so he could vigilantly instill the knowledge into himself.
That was back when I'd still foolishly believed that no matter how corrupt a person was, there was an alternative to killing them as long as you engaged with them sincerely.
(Things didn't work out so nicely in the real world though.)
(...But I want the little rabbit to stay like this, just as she is.)
Gilbert: [smiling as he watches her read] ...
Emma: ...
Gilbert: ......
Emma: ......Gil.
The little rabbit looked up from her book, appearing as though she might cry.
Emma: Are there any easier political science books?
Gilbert: Ahaha... I knew it.
Gilbert: The book you're holding is so philosophical that even I found it difficult to understand.
Gilbert: Would you like me to recommend something aimed at beginners?
Emma: Yes, please, if you wouldn't mind!
Gilbert: And what should you do when begging me?
Without hesitation, the little rabbit placed her hands my shoulders and kissed my cheek.
Emma: ...Please, Gil.
Gilbert: It's boring if you do the same thing you always do.
Emma: Then how about...
When I sensed her trying to bite my ear, I pulled back.
Gilbert: Really now... So that's what you're gonna do.
Emma: Aren't you always biting my ear? It's a show of my affection.
Gilbert: But you're already aware though, of how sensitive my ears are?
Emma: ...
Gilbert: Oh, I almost forgot. I still have to discipline you.
Emma: ...W-what are you talking about?
Gilbert: Are you playing innocent? You still haven't made up for sneaking medicine into my food during lunch.
Emma: Um, I did make up for it!? Didn't you have your fun teasing me for it?
Gilbert: That was just a bit of playing around. You see, my real punishment—
I grabbed the little rabbit's hand as she tried to run and forced her onto the bed in a roll.
Just like that I gathered her wrists above her head and bound them with a nearby cloth.
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(I hadn't really planned to do something like this...)
(But the little rabbit's been a bad girl, so I've got no choice.)
Emma: I was... going to study...
Gilbert: I'll have a beginner's book picked out for you by tomorrow.
Gilbert: Or rather, if you're interested, I can teach you myself? After all, training people is my forte.
I undid the collar of her dress and ran my fingers directly over her bare skin.
The little rabbit's cheeks turned as red as the sunset when I placed my hand over her breasts.
Emma: But don't you have things to do, Gil?
Gilbert: It's up to me how I choose to use my limited time.
Gilbert: You really don't have to be so overly anxious. If I can't manage, I'll say so.
(Although there's nothing that should be getting higher priority over the little rabbit's requests.)
The little rabbit started rubbing her legs together as I caressed her over and over again.
Purposely ignoring her mounting frustration was, of course, all part of the plan.
Emma: In that case... Thank you, Gil.
Gilbert: You've certainly got funny tastes to be saying thank you at a time like this.
Emma: That's not what I mean... mn... ah...
She suddenly let out a lewd cry when I lightly poked the hardened tip of her breast.
Emma: This afternoon, too, you...
Gilbert: I let you have your release right away this afternoon, didn't I? I wouldn't call that a punishment.
Emma: ...
Gilbert: It's no use being wistful either.
When I turned up the hem of her dress, I didn't even have to touch her to uncover the stain on her underwear.
Just a light swipe up the thin fabric and my fingertips came away damp.
Gilbert: Now then, you're going to have to suffer a lot.
Emma: ...At least... let me take my clothing off please.
Emma: I can't bear to... ruin the dress you made for me.
(Jeez, you truly are...)
Gilbert: I'm not listening to you.
Emma: Ah...
I thrust my fingers into her wetness as if I was trying to scrape out every last drop of nectar.
The dress pinned underneath her quickly became sullied.
Emma: Gil... mn...
Gilbert: If the dress gets dirty, you'll be just be reminded of something embarrassing whenever you put it on, won't you?
Gilbert: This is punishment, so you've got to resign yourself and accept it.
Emma: .......You're so mean.
Gilbert: And who exactly do you think I am?
(For the world's greatest villain to let you off with meanness and nothing else... that just means you're special.)
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After the punishment, the little rabbit, thoroughly sullied, headed for the bath.
I honestly wanted to chase after her, but there was still work to be done today.
Roderic: Pardon me, sir.
Gilbert: I figured you'd come.
When I got to my office desk, Roderic immediately selected a document from the stack and handed it to me.
Roderic: ...I thought I might be turned away.
Gilbert: I'm in a good mood right now so I'll forgive you.
Roderic: That's surprising. I thought a storm would have been raging these past few days.
Gilbert: Ahaha, everyone has the little rabbit to thank for that.
Roderic: ...They can't thank her enough.
Gilbert: Neither can I.
I briefly glanced over the document before picking up my quill.
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[I'm not gonna paste all the cutaways from the CG like I did in Case 3]
Gilbert: I see. So they've already completed their draft. Excellent, excellent.
Roderic: It seems experiencing your wrath this morning made them respond accordingly.
Gilbert: I'd like for them to submit the draft before it ever gets to that point next time.
Roderic: It's only because nobody can come up with out-of-the-box ideas like you.
Gilbert: They're all conclusions one can arrive at rationally. It's not like I'm making unreasonable demands of anyone.
(We're in trouble if they can't grow to the point where they can keep the older generations in check even without me.)
While talking, I read through the document and noted down points of concern.
Gilbert: ...Also, the draft was poorly-constructed. With this there's too gaps for us to drive that old man into a corner.
Roderic: Then I'll have it returned to you in such a way that we can.
Gilbert: I only appreciate haste. You help them too, Roderic. I'd like to have the contents finalized before our next regular meeting.
Gilbert: If we leave that old man unchecked, he may soon start a losing battle against neighboring countries.
(Up until now I'd left him to go and self-destruct on his own but... it was a promise to the little rabbit.)
Roderic: ...Understood, sir.
After completing my review, I handed it back to Roderic.
Gilbert: What's the next document?
Roderic: It's here, sir.
Gilbert: ...I know I keep asking, but is there more still?
Roderic: There's a mountain of things I'd like you to look over.
Gilbert: I thought I'd delegated my authority out.
(And it's not like they're even required to check in with me before proceeding.)
Roderic: This just means that Obsidian needs you.
Gilbert: That's certainly a problem.
Roderic: No, sir, it's not.
(I've got no intention of dying now that I've decided to live, but...)
(The everyday life that's persisted until today may not necessarily continue on tomorrow.)
(Because of the position I'm in, I have to assume the worst and act accordingly.)
Gilbert: ...[sigh] Unless we can get everyone past the idea that failure is some sort of capital crime, won't it be difficult for you and I to manage all this work on our own?
Gilbert: It seems like my presence is a hindrance after all.
Roderic: Please don't say that!
Gilbert: Fine, fine. If you don't like it, then go give out this PSA.
Gilbert: "As long as there's no fraud or corruption at work, I won't kill you over a simple failure. So please rely on your own judgement more."
Roderic: ...Very well, sir.
(Even so...)
I'd felt someone's passionate gaze trained on me even while we were talking.
The person in question may have believed they were well-hidden.
But I couldn't help but notice the hem of her negligee flickering from her hiding spot.
Roderic: ...Sir, let's deal with the rest of this tomorrow.
Roderic may have noticed as well since he was giving up on the rest of the documents.
Gilbert: Hey. You definitely didn't see anything, right?
Roderic: I saw nothing and I noticed nothing.
Gilbert: Is that so? That's fine, then. Thank you for your hard work.
(Narrowly escaped death, didn't you...?)
The door closed behind Roderic and I stretched out my arms as though to relax.
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Gilbert: Now, then, little rabbit.
Emma: ...So you'd noticed me after all.
Gilbert: Well that's a given.
Once I beckoned, the little rabbit understood my request exactly and climbed onto my lap.
Gilbert: You were throwing Roderic such a passionate look.
Emma: I was looking at you!?
Gilbert: He was positioned in the same line of sight.
Gilbert: As you know, you have a very troublesome man on your hands. So you're aware of what you should do at a time like this, right...?
Emma: ......
The punishment from earlier seemed to have taken effect as the little rabbit kissed my lips instead of my ear.
I lightly bit her lip on her way out, imparting a bit of pain.
But rather than get angry, the little rabbit's eyes only seemed to soften with joy.
(Looks like I was able to soothe you after all.)
Emma: ...Did I interfere with your official duties?
Gilbert: [pouts] Roderic's the one who interfered. Showing up at this hour with documents for review.
Emma: That's probably because you were busy during the day.
Gilbert: [grins] Hehe... I showed you a lot of things I don't like about Obsidian today.
Emma: ...And I want to know about even more of those things from now on.
Emma: Because I'd like to be able to assist you as well.
Gilbert: Ahaha, that's reassuring.
(...Hm?)
The little rabbit had begun to frown as she spoke.
(Have I said something wrong?)
I hadn't the faintest idea what it could be, so I settled on comforting her for the time being by stroking her cheek, still warm from her bath.
Gilbert: You're pulling such a long face even though your words are so reassuring,
Emma: ...I wasn't lying.
Gilbert: I know that. So what's eating at you?
Emma: ...I can't really put it to words.
Emma: It's just... I'm envious of Roderic.
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(......)
Emma: He's able to assist you more than me, and he knows everything...
(...So that's what was on your mind while you were eavesdropping.)
(The little rabbit is jealous of Roderic.)
(The sweet little rabbit of all people.)
Gilbert: Wow... I'll have to give Roderic a bonus.
There's no way I wouldn't be happy to be shown such love to the point of jealousy.
This was an event that completely overturned all the depressing stuff from today.
It was practically a miracle.
Emma: ...I get it now. So this is what you've been feeling all this time.
Emma: Hehe... What do I do? I'm really jealous here.
Jealousy was supposed to be a negative emotion by nature yet the little rabbit took it in as though it were a good thing.
I felt like she'd gotten a glimpse of how this beast dealt with his jealousy on a daily basis.
Gilbert: Serious jealousy is nothing like this though, you know?
Emma: Are you saying there's more to come?
Gilbert: Yeah. Your jealousy's in the early chapters.
Gilbert: The more and more you come to love me, the less you'll be able to contain that kind of adorable jealousy.
Emma: I'll work diligently then.
Gilbert: Hehe... I can't believe you've cheered up this much just from turning into a jealousy fiend.
(It's just like Roderich was saying. I definitely shouldn't have been able to show any kindness toward my surroundings these past few days)
And yet, what occupies my heart now at the end of the day is pure happiness.
(The reason I had Emma accompany me on official business was in preparation for a day that might possibly come...)
(At least that's what I'd thought, but perhaps in reality I'd only wanted to be healed.)
(...Nothing in this rotten world can change a thing about the beautiful world that Emma brings.)
(Maybe I'm just spoiled by the comfort in that.)
(...I may be a lot more dependent on Emma than I realize.)
When I laughed despite myself, Emma began to gently stroke my hair.
Gilbert: Taming the conquering beast is difficult, isn't it? But it might be easy for you.
Gilbert: Because I'm so madly in love with you.
(I'm sure I could cherish you endlessly.)
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(That's why... I wish this daily life could go on forever.)
----------
Translation references: 無理矢理 1 | かと 1 2 | 感謝してもしきれません 1 | あなたなら 1
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AITA for continuing a romantic relationship despite being aromantic?
I have been in a relationship for 2 and a half years, ages and gender aren't really relevant. I have been honest since the beginning about questioning my romantic identity, but have recently become more sure about my feelings (or lack thereof).
We've already talked and decided to stay together, without any changes to our relationship. A QPR would really just be an adjustment of how we refer to each other. The relationship would fundamentally stay the same, especially where the government is concerned. So ultimately, a QPR just feels like more work to explain to people who don't understand them.
I have some concerns that I might be leading them on, and hurting them more in the process, however, as I know they do experience romantic feelings towards me. I worry that they might be hanging on just because they don't want the hurt of a break-up. Ultimately, I do trust their word (aside from the anxiety), but I'm curious what other people think.
So, AITA for continuing this relationship with my partner despite being aromantic?
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sad avery head canons
@ariscats requested this in a comment under my sad grayson hcs, and i'm more than happy to do it for my fav girl avery. trigger warning for self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. pls don't read if this might trigger you, and if you ever need help, there are helplines you can contact for free. family and friends are obviously also an option (if you'd rather talk to a stranger, you can always dm me (or whoever you feel comfortable with) <3). sorry if some of this doesn't make sense. i wrote this at 1 am. hope you enjoy<3.
avery used to pull out a guitar (cause i hc she can play the guitar) and sing songs for her mom when she was on her death bed
she now visits her mom's grave and does the same thing. she sings her mom's favorite songs on the verge of tears (if she isn't already crying).
avery used to wear an elastic band around her wrist and would snap it repeatedly until her wrist became sore and red (it didn't always make her stop though) when she was feeling overwhelmed or did smth she deemed wrong.
whenever avery would drive across bridges or anything really high up, she would think about jumping off of it.
she used to get her mom or libby to help her bake cookies that she would bring to school to try to get people to become her friend (it never worked)
she used to eat lunch in the back of the courtyard in a secluded place most of the time bc no one wanted to eat with her (until she met max obviously)
i'm currently rereading tig and i can't help but notice how uncomfortable she becomes when someone touches her so i hc drake or some other random creep sexually assaulted her once (or multiple times) and that's the reason why she seems so uncomfortable with physical touch.
she used to cry in her mom's arms wondering why she wasn't good enough for people to want to be her friend
when her and libby were struggling to get by and couldn't afford food, she would save the food for libby and not eat (she would tell her she ate at the diner she worked at but didn't)
when she realized, at the age of six, that her father was a piece of shit who didn't actually want her, she started trying to find faults in her to explain why this might be (she thought that if she could 'fix' herself, her father might want her)
she sometimes purposely gives herself papercuts when she feels really numb just to make herself feel something
when she would live in her car, she would sometimes continuously bash her head on the steering wheel wishing her life could be different.
when she was younger, to get people to like her, she would give them everything she had. she would do their homework for them, would cover for them when they wanted to cause trouble in the school, etc, but, in the end, it was always temporary
whenever she comes across someone who looks like sheffield grayson she freezes up in fear/shock. a little voice in her head tells her she's in danger and they'll hurt her.
after all of the almost-death experiences she's been through, she developed a panic disorder (this is already sort of confirmed) that she has to treat with pills.
she sometimes takes the haters' comments to heart (the comments about her weight, etc). she would start telling herself that skipping one meal wouldn't hurt. jameson noticed really early on though and stopped her before it became too severe.
she's convinced people would be better off without her and that she only causes pain and destruction everywhere she goes (bc of what happened with toby)
she actually hates getting drunk because it reminds her too much of her father. jameson started to notice that she would get really uncomfortable whenever he got drunk so he started to drink less. when he did drink though, he made sure it wasn't enough to get drunk.
because of everyone comparing her to emily, she's convinced herself that she's just jamie's second option and she'll never measure up (personality wise, looks wise, everything). jamie and her talked about it a lot and she's now less insecure.
she gets terrified when she hears noises at night bc she's convinces someone's there to hurt her
she forgives people so easily bc she desperately wants people to actually like her.
in the books she says she doesn't allow herself to want to want things bc it could potentially distract her/hurt her. i also think she doesn't allow herself to want things bc she doesn't think she deserves to want anything.
when she's in a stressful situation or she's having a panic attack, she'll start scratching her arms really roughly until they start to bleed to get herself to focus on anything other than the stress/panic.
the scratches on her arms became too obvious so she started scratching her sides instead.
she can't watch any tv shows with violence/war bc the loud sounds remind her too much of the shooting.
one of the reasons why she realized her father was a piece of shit was bc, once, he got way too drunk and slapped her. that was sort of like the catalyst for her.
bc she grew up so isolated, she's afraid of emotional and physical intimacy. she's afraid she'll start liking feeling loved/close to someone too much since she believes it'll never last (jamie showed her she was wrong)
i'm an averyjameson stan so don't take this the wrong way but avery was affected by jamie thinking of her as only a game way more than she lets on. even after they got together, she was paranoid that he had ulterior motives.
she blames herself whenever something goes wrong in the foundation or hawthorne house even when she had nothing to do with the problem.
she's extremely paranoid when it comes to locking her bedroom door and stuff like that bc of how often her privacy is invaded.
i said this in another post but, especially before she inherited the money, she would sometimes smoke weed to lessen the stress she felt for a little while.
she hates going to sleep bc her sleep is always invaded by horrendous nightmares. it became so bad she ended up in the hospital (jamie was absolutely terrified and made her promise to talk to him more).
she has this one stuffed animal that her mom gave her not long before she passed that she cries into whenever she feels like her life is going to shit.
before she inherited the money, she was actually near her breaking point. she was seriously considering if staying alive was actually worth it.
before she inherited the money, she used to count on her fingers how many people would miss her when she died to convince herself to stay alive (the number was never more than three). the fact that the number was so low made her feel even shittier and made her spiral.
her grief for her mom is so intense sometimes she can't get out of bed. she doesn't eat, sleep, drink water, etc. alisa had to contact a therapist/psychiatrist to help avery get out of bed.
to end on a brighter note, here's a happy avery head canon:
she used to dance all the time when she was younger. she would pull out her mom's phone, start playing some music, and jump around waving her tiny little arms everywhere whilst singing along. she would pretend she was a popstar. her mom would film her and send the videos to libby. the brothers have seen all of them bc libby showed them.
not proof read so i apologize for any spelling mistakes<3. again, pls contact someone/helpline if you ever need help. speaking from experience, things tend to get better. sending everyone lots of love (and my girl avery).
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dust-and-grave · 3 days
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hng, i am so frustrated by this whole watcher tv situation. i've been chewing on it ever since i watched their announcement video yesterday + i've been looking around online at other fan reactions. i'm having a lot of thoughts so i guess i want to throw my two cents in + hope it'll make me feel better to talk about it a little.
i think we all agree that creators should be paid fairly for their work; however, not all work is created equal, right? if i commission an experienced (and thus high-demand) artist to do an oil painting of my cat, they might quote me $500+ to do that + it would be fair. if an artist with substantially less experience (and thus in lower demand) spends 30 seconds on a crayon rendition of my cat, should they also received $500+ for their work? i think most people would agree that would be ridiculous.
in some ways, this is what it feels like the watcher team is doing to us right now, imo. we know that shows like ghost files or puppet history are expensive to make because travel costs (in the case of ghost files) + production costs, but we can see the effort put into the work. we feel that what we give for the show, whether that's turning off ad blocker while watching or buying show merch or supporting via patreon, is going toward making the product that we are asking for. these shows are the oil painting in the metaphor.
i don't agree with how mean + rude some people are being about steven lim rn, but frankly, his shows are the 30 second crayon drawing of the watcher channel. anyone can look at the view count on their channel + see that his shows consistently have performed worse than shane + ryan's shows. additionally, we can see that he blows huge amounts of money on his shows ("$913 seafood tower", "$1027 fried chicken") that may leave a lot of viewers feeling as if they're aren't getting as much bang for their buck.
frankly, i think people are valid for being upset that they're expected to directly foot the bill for steven's "i fly all over the world + eat expensive food while you watch" project. while youtube has a shit ton of problems (like, say, not paying their creators enough), one of the cool things about it is that you can gauge directly the amount of the interest in a project (and how many resources you should dedicate to said project) by how many eyes are on it. unfortunately for him (i guess), steven's shows just don't garner enough attention to justify the expense of making them.
which is why i see this shift to watcher tv as such a problem. this feels very much like using shane + ryan's success on the channel to force fans to fuel steven's pursuit of his glory days on worth it. it feels even more strange when they say that they're making the switch because the company isn't currently sustainable, but steven has just hired his friends from buzzfeed + continues to push his series that just don't seem to be making back the cost of production.
to be totally fair, shane + ryan don't get out of this clean either. some of their shows don't deserve to be behind a paywall either. too many spirits is filmed in ryan's parent's backyard with content submitted by their viewers. are you scared is just ryan reading creepypastas/fan submitted content on a minimal set. survival mode is just them playing games like any other streamer or gaming youtuber does. i love all of these shows, but are they on par with puppet history or ghost files? absolutely not.
this is where i think the disconnect is coming from. they're taking everything including the lower production shows to a streaming service where you have to fund them directly (rather than indirectly through ad revenue). they're forcing funding into steven's projects despite them just not doing well enough to justify the cost. they're coming across as disingenuous with their reasoning because their stated reasons for doing this don't align with their actions rn.
i feel like it would've made so much more sense to crowdfund new seasons of shows (which gives them feedback from the fans about what they want too) or put higher cost shows like ghost files or puppet history on patreon or channel membership. i would gladly fund mystery files, weird wonderful world, ghost files, puppet history, etc. with my own money, but i'm one of the ones who isn't really interested in funding steven's quest to eat all of the gold-plated kobe beef when i'll never be able to afford to eat at a restaurant that even serves it.
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