#and if u care abt this community

[obihoe]

i think it is also rlly interesting the way madara always projects his rage only onto hashirama ... like when izuna dies. and the clans meet on the battlefield again. madara goes apeshit but NOT at tobirama. his rage is very pointedly directed at hashirama .. even tho tobirama before asks him abt what has happened to izuna. madara says that he died from his injuries and then fires up his susanoo and attacks hashirama .. while screaming his name. like ... something something violence is an outlet for him and a way for him to make his feelings be heard and understood by the other party. and he wants hashirama to understand him. whether tobirama understands him or gets what is coming to him or whatever for killing his brother doesnt matter at all. all he wants is for hashirama to see his rage and his grief .. and understand what he feels

#also when tbrm makes an attempt to stab him after he's lost the battle #and is on the ground defenseless and hsrm stops tbrm from killing him #he doesnt say 'oh whatever let him go thru w it' #since he's very obviously ready to die here no he says 'hsrm just get it over with. if u are the one who kills me. i can go in peace' .... #something something he feels so connected to him and has only eyes for him and wants to communicate abt everything ONLY w him #tbrm is literally in-fucking-visible here sdgdfdgdgs even tho He killed his brother #the only time tbrm gains any relevance for him. is when he realizes that he poses a threat to his clan #later after they've founded the village #before he does NOT care lol #hashirama #madara #posts #hsmd

[ridl]

I love ganqing bc it's just two normal, mature women. Even if Ganyu is more withdrawn, Keqing wouldn't be able to stand the hesitation and inaction for too long, so if she wants to confess she's just gonna do it. No stupid, endless, mind games and bullshit <3

Dense Keqing is also good i think, bc Ganyu wouldn't be that smug annoying asshole who berates the other for "being dense and not asking them out" while putting no effort into it themselves, she'd just find it endearing and try to communicate better until it works. She's patient. And it's also interesting to think abt Ganyu taking a leaf out of Keqing's book, and finding the boldness to just confess herself despite her quiet, withdrawn nature. If clear and straightforward is what Keqing likes best, then Ganyu could perhaps do it like that for her

#ganqing #ganyu #keqing #genshin impact #gq thoughts on the brain bc they're the best and i love them immensely and they're so interesting to me and aaaaughghghh [affectionate] #the ''dense character'' in ships can be such a hit or miss trope. u can prolly tell what i consider a big miss after this post lol #i like when it's abt them both orbiting each other while having feelings and not knowing how to meet in the middle just yet lol #dense character often isn't stupid. they just care abt the other person and their boundaries. and they need clearer communication #which i think would fit keqing rlly well considering her personality #i could talk more abt this and how tired i am of ppl's perception and treatment of such characters but maybe another time lol

[scamoosh]

this is gonna sound whiny but nonbinary ppl can immediately tell when u just see them as their agab jsyk👍 its just frustrating 2 b surrounded by other queer ppl and even in those communities without fail if i make any comment abt period cramps or having worked in childcare or shit like that theres an Immediate shift to like oh okay ur actually a Girl got it . like . there was anothr nonbinary person i used 2 kno who had zero problem using the right pronouns for me until they heard how high my voice was on a call once ☠️

#this isnt targeted its just a vent #idk its just annoying. like i can get away w painting my nails but i feel like thats bc #its trendy in niche communities now for cis boys to do it #and i hate feeling like my masculinity is constantly being stacked next to like . the pillars of cis man and cis woman #like . idk im probably not articulating this v well #like . especially as somebody who thinks of themselves as transmasc but doesnt want top surgery its annoying bc that alone #means i lose legitimacy 2 some of the queer ppl i try 2 talk 2 abt gender stuff with #and beyond that #the stupidass responses ive gotten to telling ppl i dont ever rlly plan on coming out to my family #like girl.... i cannot be the first person uve met who doesnt have a safe or comfortable environment to be transgender jn???? #and beyond that i dont think its that big a deal that i dont ever come out like . officially #the ppl i care abt know and they see me the way i want so thats enough for me #but in like . largely lgbt online spaces thats where it gets frustrating #like we r supposed 2 b beyond defining gender solely on stereotypes and tit size #tw transphobia #like not rlly but jic it makes anybody uncomfy #thank u that is all #SORRY FOR BEIN CRANKY FIRST THING IN THE MORNING 😵😵 love and light etc #its not like a huge deal either its just smth that gets frustrating specifically in spaces full of ppl that u have some expectations #of understanding from #sorry if this is like complete nonsense LOL

[spacelazarwolf]

I think there’s a significant conversation about how religion and queer ppl intersect but I’m tired of only seeing Christianity talked about as if it’s the only homophobic religion ever. Yeah there are queer Jewish people, there are queer everything people. But how is there a reconciliation between a religion with branches of extreme conservatism and lots of heteronormative writings. Overall I would like to see a lot more criticism of deeply conservative religions that aren’t just Christians. Yes criticism of conservative Christians, especially Christian nationalists since they hold a lot of political power, but overall all conservatism in religion needs to be deconstructed. And people never acknowledge harm that can be done by conservative people in other religions, especially since the specific Hasidic community I live next to has been increasingly hostile to me, especially when presenting as “visibly queer”

BRO SHUT UP!!!!! IT HAS BEEN HOURS!!!!!! GET A HOBBY THAT DOESNT INCLUDE HARASSING RANDOM JEWS ONLINE!!!!!

#ask avishai #also ngl i straight up do not believe u abt the hasidic community being ‘increasingly hostile’ #hasidic jews are incredibly insular #unless you’re interacting with them extensively every single day i highly doubt they care

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its so weird. i feel like march 5th went on for more than a day somehow. i guess that's just bc we were awake for just abt all of it #my dad wanted to start doing things immediately so he was calling and scheduling all day. we went to the funeral home we went to the store #and it was weird bc as we were moving around it was like wow we r a 4 person family now. this is it. and theres so much to do after a person #dies. or at least there is when they were loved so much and jesus christ my mom was one of the best ppl a LOT of ppl knew. she did so much #for so so many ppl. and with her childhood she had every reason to b a fuck up but no she was kind and selfless and amazing. her mother is #trying to bask in the attention of her death when its like: truely go fuck urself. her being such a good person has nothing to do with u. u #treated her appallingly. fuck off. and fucking everyone knows it. god. she is a product of her grandparents kindness. and it sounds like her #dad was amazing like her. but he tragically died in a car wreck when she was 3. she was in the car. no one in my mums family believes in a #god now. too many bad things happened to the shining gems in a collection of wild alcoholics. but its not all bad. my family's staying close #my dad is taking it hard bc this means hes alone now and my mum took care of so many things bc she was so smart and he feels so dumb. he #feels he didnt deserve her. hes working on giving more hugs now. and hes using us to anxiously talk things out the way he did with mom #which is good. i cant imagine if this happened when we werent 3 adults and he was windowed with 3 kids to raise himself. and its funny. were #saying things we never would have told her. we looked thru pictures of her and she was so so beautiful. a total smoke show. my parents were #a cute couple who produced cute kids. and my mom had trouble communicating and being affectionate tho we knew she loved us there was #distance. theres a pic of my dad pulling her close and shes being tippef towarf her while standing away and thats indicitive of their #relationship. they were 2 partners who lived together independently and that worked but its sad bc my mum couldnt b vulnerable in her #expression. ppl r being so kind tho. ill be in ohio now for like 2.5 more weeks as the funeral stuff shakes out. we have to have 2 bc she #grew up away from her and so many ppl loved her in both locations. she was a popular lady. its so weird to b here on pause. but i feel clear #in my head. i think this will change a lot of my outlook on life. its nice to focus on the person she was and not the horrible 12hrs where i #saw her half dead. i cant imagine how awful it was for my sisters and dad to see her downslide into death. she didnt expect this to b The #Fever that killed her but it did and now she'll never finish a million things. and the house is full of pill bottles and all her junk and #unopened amazon packages and a truck with the fuel left on empty. bc she was an absent minded goofball. ay. well miss her so much #unrelated

[silenthillbunni]

maybe if we lived in a society that valued individual needs and nurtured and cared for ppl who are different i wouldnt "wish" death upon ppl ._.

#my proposal is: #communities specifically made for noise sensitive ppl #like apartment building made w materials that isolate noise #and where for example on some floors kids arent allowed to live. some floors arent allowed to take in dogs etc etc #no loud music is allowed to be played #and outside of the buildings loud noise isnt allowed such as no playgrounds or dog parks etc etc #and this housing area could be fenced so it's rlly just the ppl who have chosen to live there that can be there #then ONLY ppl who wanted peace and quiet could live here and have a safe haven in the world #if u choose to live there then u will want and choose to respect the rules and be mindful abt others and be quiet #and if u want a 'normal' living situation u choose to NOT live there #if things like this existed i'd be so fkn happy #we all should be able to CHOOSE how we want to live #there are other groups of ppl who want to live in other ways and they should also be able to choose #there r many of us who are different but we are still a minority #and we are forced to live in a wild messy jungle that we arent naturals in. we survive not thrive #we are forced to be in mental agaony every day bc we dont fit into society's regulations and boxes #no one should live like that. society should be built for ALL of us and all out different special needs #but the thing is that ok even if society doesnt care and give us it for free or without fight #ppl actively work to HINDER and prohibit ppl to create new ways of living #when ppl try to make new exclusive spaces that fit their own needs #here comes a sudden influx of normal ppl being angry and upset that theyre excluded from smth #if i tried to suggest building these communities and even succeeded in gathering support for it #ppl in the state and normal ppl in society would be AGAINST me #theyd be angry that i wanted to create a space that excluded them #why cant i live there??????? I ME ME ME ME who is normal is all that matters #everything should aaaaaalways be made for normal people #if any other of us who wants to make their own space dares to even suggest it normies get mad #hell if ppl w wheelchairs wanted to create a walled community where only they were allowed i'd be supporting them #bc i think every single one of us deserves to live in a safe space that calms us #and it isnt your right to encroach on someone else's safe space. everyone are entitled to safe spaces no matter who that excludes

[rollercoasterwords]

(this is from marxismlupinism btw just sending an anon cause still shadowbanned + dont want my r/s blog tied to my main blog anyway)

lmao if only my followers were your followers literally idk why my anons r so mad im just stating the established party line of the blog they chose to follow...

literally every online community ive been in youve been able to say you think the community has XYZ problem and people could discuss the problem and suggest solutions honestly baffling that peoples response to someone saying the hp fandom is transphobic is to go "no it's not" instead of, idk, either trying to make it less transphobic if you think it's salvageable or leaving it if you think it's unsalvageable. the only communities ik that would respond to an accusation of transphobia w denial rather than taking trans people's concerns seriously are, well, actually overtly explicitly transphobic communities lol... and the people claiming they "engage critically" are very clearly not if their response to criticism of the hp fandom is to be defensive—if you engage critically with something that means taking seriously good faith criticism of the thing you engage critically with. like i "engaged critically" w hp/rs for the past 2.5 years and i have never ever gotten defensive at someone criticising hp or its fandom (esp since like... almost all the people criticising hp or its fandom are trans and im not gonna go harass another trans person for being understandably upset at ppl engaging w transphobic media lol).

hp fans (including tme trans hp fans—and, btw, we're well aware there are some transmasculine hp fans, the rest of the trans community just think they suck and are losers lol and i can't imagine that the transmasc hp fans aren't aware of this fact unless they just dont interact w other trans people outside the hp fandom at all) will criticise hp and jkr while believing that the hp fandom itself is above criticism. this does the dual work of distancing themselves from harry potter/jkr, which even they cannot defend/pretend is not bad, while also absolving themselves of all responsibility for any transphobia & transmisogyny they perpetuate or engage in. it's honestly a deeply immature way of engaging with media as well as one that logically falls apart under any scrutiny—firstly, if you accept that hp and its author are deeply bigoted, isn't it just logical that its fanbase would share the politics of the source media? secondly, this is just empirically false lol. there didnt always used to be basically no trans women in the hp fandom—i myself used to be friends with several back in the old days—but most transfems left the fandom in 2020–2021 bc of jkr's increasing transmisogyny. and speak to any of the transfems who did leave at that time and they can tell you their firsthand experiences. like, i really dunno how you can claim the hp fandom isnt transmisogynistic without just outright saying that you think most trans women are crazy and making shit up when they say they dont want anything to do with hp or its fans.

anyway ill stop writing essays in ur inbox now rae xoxo love ya have a nice day!

hi laura <3 yeah truly i think it is so weird that someone would choose 2 follow a blog on tumblr.com which clearly states "i don't like hp/hp fandom" and then get mad when that blog makes a post saying. "i don't like hp/hp fandom." babe why r u at the criticizing hp fandom store if u don't want hp fandom criticism....

and yeah i've talked before on my blog abt how like. i do not think we can "separate" fandom from jkr + the inherent shittiness of hp + my personal stance is that i think if u are engaging with hp fandom in 2023 u should at least be prepared to acknowledge + address the fact that u are engaging w a fundamentally conservative piece of media that is rooted in horrible politics, bc if u don't fully understand how jkr's politics are steeped throughout the franchise then it is much more likely that u will just be. absorbing + perpetuating them.

i think something that gets left out of a lot of conversations abt jkr even when discussing how shitty she is within hp fandom is the fact that like. yeah she's broadly transphobic, but she is specifically transmisogynistic, and the politics + policies she endorses are most targeted + harmful towards trans women. in my personal experience thus far in hp fandom i've encountered a lot of tme trans people, and i think there can be this tendency to go "well i'm trans and i know so many trans people who have carved out a space in this fandom that is super affirming + positive for ourselves, so obviously there is no transphobia here" and like. bc of the strong emotional connection to what people view as a safe queer space it can feel like an attack or whatever when someone goes "ok but. have u considered transmisogyny." or just whenever someone is like. rude/mean/cunty in their criticism of hp--but like. tbh as tme trans people i just think it's more important to recognize that many other trans people (and especially tma trans people) have a reason for being rude/mean/cunty in their criticism of hp and even if it hurts ur feelings it's more important to actually think about where that critique is coming from then to get upset bc u feel like it wasn't phrased nicely. at the end of the day just bc a space feels safe 2 u does not mean it is going 2 feel safe 2 everyone!!

#have seen people get offended when criticism isn't worded nicely enough bc they feel like it's...idk. #ungrateful? to like. the good parts of the fandom ig. #but personally i just feel like. my community + friends in this space already know i value them. #+ honestly being critical abt hp + hp fandom is part of that lmao #if i don't care abt my community then i'm more likely 2 be like ah fuck it let it rot #but if i DO care abt my community then. i'm gonna be like hey let's listen 2 criticism + try 2 learn from it......like. #that just seems obvious 2 me #but yeah i think a lot of hp fans have the view that fandom is like. completely separate. #and well. i do not agree! so u will not find that view supported on this blog lmao #anyway. laura u are welcome 2 write essays in my inbox anytime <3 #ask #ranting and raving

[oatbugs]

hi! this is unrelated to the situationship but i’ve been going through a crisis about whether i’m bi or a lesbian for like six months now lmao and iirc i think you went through something similar once, so i was just wondering if you had any tips or advice about how you figured it out? tysm!

hiii i did ! i went thru this crisis like 3 times b4 i figured out i was bi, it can genuinely rly be difficult to figure it out it :)

i'd say keep in mind that it's not important to have a label rn - just keep urself open to exploring new feelings ! but also if u want to figure it out faster, spending more time w both men and women - esp those u think you might find more attractive - might help ! for me it was having guy friends, going to clubs, dating, etc, but it can truly be anything :) since starting a hinge profile i've been seeing quite a few men that i found super pretty which confirmed things even further for me (if you go down this route remember that dating app algorithms take a while to adjust)

also remember that ur standards for men may be different, and you may have an intense preference for women which wouldn't make you any less bi ! similarly, if you genuinely cannot imagine a future or conceive of any romantic/sexual attraction between u and a man, then you may be a lesbian ! the point is that u can date ppl and find out !! ♡ also labels can change as u learn abt urself over time so it's all good if you can't land on one definitive label rn forever, it takes time and life reveals new things to us all the time 🩷

while i like knowing that men are like...within my dating pool now, since realising i'm bi basically nothing has changed for me bc i still find women so so much more attractive, so it's good to remember there truly is no rush ! take ur time experiment have fun x

#also looking at pretty men on pinterest did it for me somehow like 😭 its rare that i find myself attracted to a man #but once in a blue moon . yeahhh #one of the reasons why i wanted to figure out a label faster was bc i felt bad not being in either community decisively #after talking to bi ppl and lesbians from diff walks of life i can confidently say like 90% of ppl do not care #if you might only be attracted to women and call yourself bi for the convenice while figuring it out its rly not harming anyone #ppl telling me to read the lesbian manifesto when i was younger halted the speed at which i figured stuff out sm #i would not recommend . but i do suggest reading up on comphet and considering whether ur experiencing it!! #the best way to know though imo is to go thru the mortifying ordeal of talking to more men #also if sex is a part of it for u dont be afraid of exploring the topic more! reading or talking abt it can be super helpful !! #like for me i have a very strong genital preference against male genetalia and it felt rly weird to talk abt it but actually like #sitting w my mostly bi friends and actually talking abt it and doing more research into it made me feel more #secure abt how i felt :) online communities can be rly good for this actually ! #also thank u for sending this i enjoyed not thinking abt the situationship 😭 #hope u figure stuff out anon! and if not i hope u have lots of fun!!! ♡ #asks #anon

[gralixe]

One Piece has so much gall giving so much screen time to characters I truly do not give a fuck about

#my thots #one piece #sorry wano #ur amazing except for all the parts that suck #sorry carrot I just don’t wanna see ur lame fight I never cared abt Pedro anyway lmao 😭 #I do fuck w Marco tho he can stay #law and kid u are in. drake and apoo sashay away #odens entire backstory was a FUCKING CHORE #I would love oden a lot more if I wasn’t forced to watch all that lmfao #do u think oda knows that story events can be communicated without literally showing it fully and completely #through like clever dialogue and environmental storytelling and LIMITED backstory #anyway wano is still s tier #this is how u kno op fans r fucking cooked 😭 #I’ll be like yeah 30 hours of this arc were unwatchable. amazing tho #Sanji getting kidnapped by sexy ladies (again) was whatever. I am so so sick of his I’ll never hit a woman thing I’m sorry #bro some women r evil and literally fighting u…. u have 2 fight them back babes….. #however him calling for help? S TIER #FINALLY #LOVED #made it worth it to me #Robin said I love having friends 😘 #they save me I save them #now for oda to have Zoro need savings #put that man into some situations #make him more pathetic. do it u won’t #idk when this turned into my ranking rant #anyway #wano #wano spoilers

[ethereiling]

i have many issues with things like cottagecore and similar ~aesthetics~ that other people have summarized better and more succinctly but something that continuously bothers me is how it ties into the Rich White Person With A Lot Of Free Time vibe and how much that conflicts with the things i do that would align with certain aesthetics

like im not making stuff for followers or for a pristine Country Vibe that doesnt actually involve hard work im doing it because im poor and dont have the money to buy it, generally. im painting cans to plant green onions in because i dont have spare money for pots. i want to learn to make paper because my apartment doesnt have recycling and i dont want my scrap paper to go to waste. im sewing fringe on a thrift store jacket so i can make a pretty outfit for a wedding without having to buy formal attire new. idk i just think that too much of instagram aesthetics are centered around leisure and money that often dont exist in the people those aesthetics are trying to emulate

#avpswjy #ignore meee its just smth ive been thinking abt #i love crafting stuff! i love being creative! and theres nothing wrong with putting a lot of money into these hobbies #but it is strange seeing the disconnect between the cottagecore aesthetic and like. actual rural folks lmao #and theres just a lot i do that would fall under the cottagecore aesthetic that i dont do for a vibe #i do it bc its cheap but i still care abt things looking nice #somethin abt those aesthetics being all about emulating something that you dont reflect in your actual actions ig #and how everything that Should exist in a country aesthetic centers around ingenuity and community #and often the instagram white girl cottagecore aesthetic is completely divorced from that #and just centered around like. going to hobby lobby and buying jars to make cutesy #idk!!! its hard for me to articulate and im not trying to shit on ppl who like a certain vibe #but it does bother me how it seems to be about marketability and not just. making stuff bc u like it #this is also from me who often likes a very vintage and country inspired vibe lmao #i just dont like cottagecore as a term because of the specific associations it brings to me

[1o1percentmilk]

enshittification real

#thats kinda all ill say #i mean #i guess it was coming #i think it might be good to jump ship actually.. thats how it kinda was before tech giants entered the scrne? #it just sucks bc i have nowhere to go thats really like tumblr #i dont want to check out cohost or anything before they have like an eatablished community #umm... i guess you can find me on like.. linkedin.. (joke) #i dont want to use discord for everything bc thats a chat app #uh wordpress or smth maybe and ill set up an rss feed for everyone i care abt #i have reeder 5 so its ez #friends lmk if u jump ship anywhere i might not follow u but i will keep watching if u want #sighh #yap

[reneesbooks]

@lena-rambles u bet ur butt i'm willing to share my unnecessarily elaborate calendar that nearly broke my brain

So Raedora's calendar is based on the cycle of the silver moon, which is one of three moons in their world. In the Raedoran belief system, the three moons are three deity-like beings who make sure the world runs smoothly while the gods deal with the affairs of mortals. The silver moon controls magic, the blue moon controls skill, and the red moon controls compassion. There's a lot of other cultural significance to the moons which is why my brain would not let me continue working on the actual story until i had hammered out the calendar

unnecessary additional worldbuilding fact--in neighboring Fierodia, the moons are believed to be the three eyes of their god instead

there are 336 days in the Raedoran year, 7 months of 48 days each that follow the cycle of the silver moon. the seven months are named after seven of the Raedoran gods. in order, they are Talamh (goddess of the earth), Seisyll (god of the home), Hyklios (god of education), Tidon (god of judgement), Isena (goddess of agriculture), Cadeyrn (god of war), and Ailis (goddess of health). Winters are very short in Raedora and occur during the month of Cadeyrn and the majority of Ailis. Spring occurs from Talamh to Seisyll, summer is from Hyklios to about halfway through Tidon (reaching its peak at the beginning of the month bc the people who made this calendar had a sense of humor) and the rest of Tidon and Isena make up the harvest season/fall. there are more gods in the Raedoran pantheon than just these seven but that's its own separate post

there are 6 days in a Raedoran week, with 2-day weekends and 8-week months. The silver moon is full halfway through the month, so it isn't uncommon for each month to be broken into "waxing" and "waning" periods to make timekeeping easier. The weekends are also based on the phases of the silver moon--they take place after a major phase (full, new, half, etc.) and were traditionally time for witches to rest after performing major spells with the silver moon's power. As magic became less common in Raedoran society over time, this slowly faded into a general cultural attitude towards rest on those two days.

here's where it gets complicated: the three moons are never full on the same night, but once every 110 years or so, they are all new on the same night. it's known as a triple new moon and is considered very bad juju. there's a character in lacuna that we haven't met yet who was born on the triple new moon and as a result was left in the street to die as a baby. lot of superstitions around that night. the math was figuring out how that would happen and how often it would happen. but once i had that date set I could calculate out the phases of the other two moons, which have 31- and 25-day cycles (red and blue respectively) so that I could figure out when they would be full/new/half/etc. (non-sponsored recommending campfire writing for this bc it saves you the math. did not discover this until too late) and then I could easily reference the calendar to make sure that the moon phases and the plot events were lining up since i went and tied my entire magic system to the complicated moon cycles

all of this to say that jack's birthday is actually the most important date on the raedoran calendar bc without it i would have no idea when anything happens. thanks street rat king <3

#i will talk abt jack and arthur later bc they will be in lacuna technically #but how they end up in it is a bit of a spoiler so for now all u need to know is that he is a problematic bisexual like everybody else #but specifically the slutty pathetic pining kind who also steals for a living. arthur is just a ball of anxiety who is good at picking lock #i remember i asked my brother for help with this bc i'm not good at math and he started to explain how a triple new moon is physically #impossible and i had to stop him and be like 'i don't care abt the astrophysics they're magic space rocks. just tell me if math works' #this got a bit long sorry lol #lacuna #worldbuilding #fantasy worldbuilding #fantasy novel #indie author #dark fantasy #original fiction #writeblr community #replies #writeblr #rb original

[britneyshakespeare]

i was hanging out today w a friend i hadn't seen in awhile and kaily and i were catching up on all the drama involving him (my controlling manipulative and abusive ex-friend) and how he keeps going out of his way to ask ppl about where we are and find us and how the only reason i think i get out of it is bc i don't go to the same college as him anymore, i hardly ever leave the house socially and the few ppl i do see all have no connection w him anymore, and i don't work at some place where he can just show up. i work in pre-k-to-12 public schools. my schedule in terms of days/location is irregular anyway, but if some strange adult man shows up for no particular reason and seeks out a female employee, you do not just get let in. that is how you have the cops called on you. but he does know where i live and i have been paranoid about him finding some excuse to show up at my house. i've had legitimate nightmares about that. i never stopped having nightmares about him i'd say at least once every other week and i haven't talked to him in almost six months.

i don't like at all how i don't feel safe in a way that means i have faith that the issue is over; the person is out of my life; our communication will not be renewed against my will once again. bc all of those things have been attempted. i feel safe in a way that means he happens, by circumstance, not to be able to access me in any convenient way to him. any way he could find me (the only way to feasibly do that would be work/home) would be a justification for calling the police. but i don't have any faith that he wouldn't try, because he has shown himself as being capable of being that low. and if i switch jobs or transfer schools finally and he finds out about it, he can just make it an issue there if he so feels like it, and i'm sure he will. he's a monster. he gets some sort of thrill out of making other ppl feel unsafe and having all the control in the situation

#tales from diana #it was very validating to talk to her bc she never really liked him #in fact i used to be so humiliated when i'd bring him to hang out w my older friends #bc he'd go oooon and on and on about how nobody listens to him nobody understands him nobody cares about or appreciates him #and then i'd be like 'oh my friends are good ppl! ill introduce u' and i did. i made the effort to bring him to them a LOT #(and he would make me feel like he envied me for my oh-so-superior life which i most definitely do not have) #but then he would not listen to her not understand her not care about her and not appreciate her #nor any of my friends for that matter. but he was SO disinterested in her in particular in a way that was just sooo disrespectful #he wouldnt let me hold a conversation w her. or let me bring her into a conversation w him. he'd DOMINATE #in general he didn't like me talking to anybody else or anyone talking to anyone else or anyone else talking #ive never seen a man who cared so little about somebody else getting to finish a sentence. #and like there's a lot of adhd in our friend group. we all (myself especially) have our spirited interjections #and occasionally interrupt but we realize when we're doing it and then pull back & let the other person finish #we try to keep other ppl on track w what they were saying when they go on a tangent #you know. we try and communicate effectively #even tho we r not naturally perfect at it lol. #we're adults who respect each other it's almost like! #but yeah. he was only interested in impressing the couple of men in my friend group essentially #he'd talk abt how my two guy friends r cool & how he wants to be closer to them #and i'd stick up for this woman i hung out w today & he had just absolutely no interest in her #she never liked him anyway which was so baller of her. good on her. she detected his rudeness #and that rudeness used to vex me so much. i suppose bc i couldnt bear to see him treat other ppl how he treated me #altho to a much lesser extent w the overt lovebombing he did to me and the traumadumping and intense reliance upon me #he seriously needed my attention 24/7 it didn't matter if i was studying or working or in bed sick for two weeks #literally he and his vapid fucking needs came before everything in my life according to him. always. crazy #the entitlement of that man is ridiculous. so of course he thinks there's nothing wrong w seeking me out #of course. #i wouldnt care if he died

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ok. this is the fucking bullshit thing abt grad school. u go to fucking grad school bc u r a fucking tryhard nerd freak #who is either naturally very smart or ur so fucking anxious u r incapable of allowing urself to get a bad grad #and then u go to fucking grad school and everyone's like: man fuck ur classes. if youre getting streight As then u aren't focusing on ur #research. and theyre right. but u still cant fucking let go of the idea that if u get a bad grad the world is gonna fucking end and u r a #bad person. u didnt try hard enough. all this to say i have a final project that i put way too much energy into and not even in a good way #i would just open the document. start sobbing. and then close it and spiral abt how i didn't want to work on it. so its bullshit #i mean. its a good project idea ans i probably sound like i kno wtf im talking abt bc i do. i worked on that topic for 4 years but like #i could make it wayyyyy better. its bullshit. i didnt even number the citations to give more page space. i made section headers. i didnt #wrap text. i could add like 4 more lines of text if i wanted but i think im not gotta bc fuck it. ugh. i dont even. i fucking avoide #stochastic stuff altogether which i kno im gonna have to fight abt but like fuck it who cares abt randomness. i just wanna focus on the #predictably aspect of community composition. fuck u. i shouldnt have picked this topic. i mean. i had to bc its like the one microbe thing #i could do but its also like the exact topic that makes me wanna rip my hair out and start screaming. like jesus christ who tf cares? ugh. #i think id give myself a B if it was an undergrad class. but the standard is higher in an all grad class. ugh. i hate this. i should just #send it abd be done. i dont even kno when its due tomorrow. before class i guess. idk i felt like garbage today. fucking vertigo bby. i feel #ok now tho. so maybe the allergic reacting is over???? fingers r still arthritisy tho. jesus. im falling apart #ive got a pretty good sounding excuse for being lazy tho: owo i had an allergic reaction to my antidepressants 🥳 but nah no excuses we run #this body into the ground. like the good old days. #unrelated

[starberry-skies]

followed like four people with unclear dnis let's see who blocks me and who sends me hate anons

#chirping #this isn't rlly related but it makes me chuckle whenever someone just has 'bi lesbians dni' in their bio like. ok guess i can interact then #what abt bi gay men huh? can they interact? or did u just hop on the exclusionist bandwagon without a second thought? #like just say u want to divide up the lesbian community and u don't care abt men. just say ur drinkin the [redacted] koolaid #also wb pan lesbians. wb omni. wb ply. wb etc etc etc

[homingpigecns]

"people can't talk about feminism in any significant way without being accused of being a r*dfem" is very annoying to see on my dash when people Still put r*dfem takes on my dash without even thinking about it. you need to change your circles and the people you engage with b/c this is not universal, i see people talk abt misogyny and the patriarchy every day and they don't get accused of being t*rfs or r*dfems and pretending this is universal is gonna make everyone who rbed the thing that was like "being a young girl is curling up into a ball and wishing so deeply that you were a boy so you could feel like a human instead of always feeling pain" be like oh shit i was right lol like those posts ALREADY circulate uncriticized stop acting like trans people begging you to stop drinking r*dfem koolaid for a SECOND are ~ruining feminism~

#i will defend your right to say 'i hate men'. i will NOT defend ur right to say.this?????? #this is not a problem that has been solved yet and in fact r*dfems and gnder crits are GAINING power #thru people falling for their special brand of feminism #so i am so so so sorry there are people who are cautious about r*dfem rhetoric. i am So goddamn sorry #did u know theyre criminalizing minors transitioning. did you know an entire state made it illegal for ONE trans girl to play a sport #do you know so much of this is from t*rfs and r*dfems gaining ground in the west #can you find another goddamn boogeyman people dont even care abt trans issues and im NOT sayi g you have to #frankly i am used to literally everyone not giving a fuck. BUT can you NOT talk abt how being cautious abt #radical f*minism is RUINING feminism. im so. #like u wanna leave trans ppl alone on one thing im jsut asking bc we are ALREADY going thru it #brandon oscillates #negative #discourse #also i wanna reiterate feminism and feminist circles untouched by transphobia literally exist #i listen to them. i talk to them. it is an important cause #the same person on twitter who was indepth covering the misogyny surround the heard/depp case #ALSO covers trans issues. and no one accused them of being a r*dfem. #like stop making it trans ppl's problem u cant find ur community. #'we're letting r*dfems win by letting them take over the conversation on feminism' #this is not happening but u sure r invalidating a trans issue #but also like out of anything u r NOT going to make me see this post on fucking tumblr dot com. fucking r*dfem paradise. #twitter does not make me see these takes just so you know. literally just this website