#and if you want you can also just msg me and be like: 'pls don't tag me in stuff like this'
girl at home | mat barzal | part 5
pairing: mat barzal x fem!reader
summary: you’re eighteen when you find yourself pregnant after Mat leaves for hockey. nearly eight years later, Mat finds out about your daughter and you have to deal with the consequences of not telling him about her.
warnings: swearing, angst, food, fluff, not edited
word count: 2.3k
authors note: it's my bday tmw and i am going out of town for the weekend so i wanted to get this posted!! also, i have no idea how pr management works so i def got everything wrong so pls don't yell at me lol
i feel like this chapter is just like a roller-coaster that went off the tracks and blew up and someones trying to put it back together with tape from the dollar store so im sorry but i hope yall like it anyway and don't hate me pls <3
send your thoughts or come yell at me about this story bc I LOVE hearing from you guys!! It feeds my writing soul. thank u all for the love on this story so far and lmk if you wanna be added to my taglist. also thinking about doing some smau for this fic and wondering if you guys have any ideas or suggestions?
if you asked to be added to the taglist and didn't get tagged it's cause you didn't show up when i searched for you! so shoot me a msg and we can figure it out. also if you want to be added or taken off the taglist please let me know <3
requests are open. masterpost masterlist taglist form ask box
You didn’t think the situation with Mat’s statement could get any worse. You were already being pestered by your mom, your friends and even other parents at the day camps Nora attended. Mostly everyone knew that it was true that Mat was her father at that point so the statement caused questions to rise. Ignoring everybody’s opinions about it was easy but six simple words from Nora were what broke you.
“I thought Mat was my daddy,” she said softly while eating breakfast one morning. She had been quiet since the day before but it continued when she woke up the next morning. You thought maybe she was just moody and tired but it ended up being much more than that.
It took you a minute to answer, trying to figure out where she might have heard or been told that. It wasn’t that surprising that she might have gotten the impression that he was her dad considering how much time Mat had been spending with the two of you or she overheard a conversation. Kids are very perceptive but you couldn’t see how anyone would directly tell her about the public statement and you had been very careful about what you said around Nora and told everyone else to do the same.
Apparently someone didn’t get the memo.
You had two options. You could lie to Nora about what was going on or you could explain it in the best way you could to her. Lying to your daughter was the last thing you wanted to do but figuring out the easiest way to explain it so she would understand was hard. How were you supposed to explain that yes, Mat is her daddy but he was a fucking idiot and told the world that she’s not even though he said he wanted to be in her life. It would have been so simple to take the easy way out but it wouldn’t have been fair to Nora so after she finished her breakfast, you sat her down.
“You’re feeling a little confused, huh?” you asked, watching her fiddle with a loose string on her sweater.
She nodded, still not looking up at you and not offering her thoughts. It was a bit alarming because she was usually a chatterbox, even when she was upset about something. She would let you know exactly what was wrong.
“Who told you Mat was your daddy?”
She finally looked up at you, and the tears threatening to spill from her eyes made you both angry and upset. You were ready to find whoever told her and scream at them but her answer stunned you.
“I heard you talking to Jaxy,” she whispered. “I wasn’t trying to listen but I was coming out to get some water and you said that you were mad at Mat.”
She didn’t elaborate on what else she may have heard which was unnerving because you probably said a lot of things about Mat that night when Jax came over to talk to you about it. You hoped she didn’t stay long enough for your breakdown where you had cried for thirty straight minutes.
She sniffled, wiping a couple tears away. “I don’t understand.”
Your heart broke but you still struggled with how to explain everything to her. Telling her in the beginning was probably a better idea but you were so caught up in your own thoughts and feelings, you ignored the person who should have been your number one priority the entire time.
“Mat is your daddy, baby,” you said. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
I’m sorry I kept you a secret.
“How come everyone is saying he’s not?”
Mat should have been the one to answer this question because it was his doing, but you hadn’t spoken to him since the night he was at your apartment and the two of you argued. He had texted you the day after but you ignored it because you didn’t know what you would say when given the chance.
“Well, sometimes people make mistakes and Mat said something he shouldn’t have,” you explained, hoping it was enough and it seemed to be enough at first but then she hugged you tightly.
“I love you mama,” she said and before you could reply, she quietly asked, “Do you think Mat loves me?”
“I’m sure he does,” you told her and it took everything in you not to cry.
. . .
Liana: dinner at our place @ 6. bring nora and don’t be late!!!
You’re tempted to decline the request and just stay home but you’ve been promising Liana and Nadia that you would actually visit instead of dropping Nora off and leaving like you’ve been doing. Avoiding Mat is becoming increasingly difficult. It’s been two weeks since he released the statement and a week since your conversion with Nora. She’s been asking a lot of questions, ones that you didn’t plan on having to answer so soon. You expected her to be angry with you for not telling her but she took your confirmation that Mat’s her dad with ease.
So it didn’t come as a surprise when her first question was whether Mat would be at the Barzal household for this dinner. You hadn’t bothered to ask Liana, mainly because you knew it would definitely impact your decision to agree to go.
“Did you know that Zoe’s mom and dad aren’t together either?” She says during the drive to the Barzal’s.
You do know this but you humor her. “Really?”
“Yup. Zoe said she spends weekends with her dad and stays with her mommy during the week,” she explains and then moves on to a different topic. You’re a little curious why she would talk about her friends’ living arrangements but when you finally pull into the driveway, your question is answered.
“Do I have to stay at Mat’s on the weekend?” She asks and if you hadn’t already parked the car, you would have hit the brakes.
“No,” you say a little too quickly and sharply because she frowns.
“How come?”
You don’t answer her question right away, getting out of the car and walking around to the other side. She’s already unbuckling her seatbelt by the time you open the door and she’s still frowning.
“Just no, Nora.”
“But Zoe does!”
You can’t explain custody agreements to a seven-year-old so you say the first excuse you can think of.
“He doesn’t live here,” you say, taking her hand and begin walking towards the house. She’s dragging her feet, clearly not happy with your response.
“Do I have to call him dad?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Just ‘cause,” you say, stopping at the door and turning to her. Her arms are crossed and she’s giving you the look that says she won’t let up until you give her an answer she wants.
“Do you want to call him dad?”
She pauses, looking down at the ground and frowning. After a moment she shakes her head.
“No, but Miss. Jones says you’re not supposed to call your mommy and daddy by their first names ‘cause it’s disrespectful.”
“It’s not up to Miss. Jones,” you say gently. “This is new, and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”
After a moment, she mutters a quiet “okay,” and then: “do you think Nadia has ice-cream for dessert?”
“Guess we’ll have to go inside and ask,” you reply and raise your fist to knock on the door but it swings open before you can. Liana is waiting on the other side with a big smile on her face. Nora runs straight to her and giggles when the older girl picks her up and swings her around.
“C’mon in,” Liana says, ushering you inside. So far there’s no sign of Mat so some of the tension leaves your body. After putting both yours and Nora’s shoes aside, you make your way to the kitchen. Nadia is puttering around, juggling a million things but she still smiles softly when she sees you.
“Can I help with anything?”
“You can keep me company,” she says and points to a chair. “Sit down and update me on what you’ve been up to.”
You know that you can’t argue with her so you sit and chat idly with her. She doesn’t bring up anything to do with Mat and you’re not sure what to think about it. You almost slip up and ask if he’s going to be here for dinner but decide not to. You haven’t seen him around since you arrived, so he’s probably out. Maybe with a girl.
Not that you care, obviously.
Mike eventually pokes his head in the kitchen to greet you and ask how you’ve been. He offers to set the table but Nadia shoos him out of the kitchen, rolling her eyes fondly.
“Don’t get married, they’re nothing but trouble,” she jokes but there’s a smile on her face that lingers even after her husband leaves. You always admired their relationship, and were certain that you and Mat would be like it some day but it wasn’t in the cards.
Soon, Nadia calls everyone to dinner. Nora immediately asks why Mat isn’t here and there’s an awkward silence until Liana breaks it.
“He’s busy,” she tells Nora and that must be enough because she just nods and starts eating dinner. Nothing else is said about Mat but just as you’re all finishing dessert, you hear the door open and close and there’s only one person you figure it will be.
Mat walks into the dining room, clearly caught off guard by your presence. Nora hops off her chair and darts over to him, wrapping her arms around his legs and starts chatting excitedly. He’s trying to give her all his attention but his eyes keep flickering to you.
When Nadia and Mike get up to start clearing the table and Liana asks Nora if she wants to go watch a movie, you realize that the three of them planned this. It’s almost like you’re kids again, fighting about something stupid and needing his parents to help fix the problem.
Mat looks at you a little helplessly when the room clears and it’s just the two of you. There’s no way you can yell at him with his family and Nora in the next room and you realize that was also probably planned.
“Can we talk?” he asks and you really don’t want to, but you realize that eventually you’re going to have to talk to him so you nod. You follow him out the back door and the two of you sit on the porch steps in silence until you finally break it.
“Why didn’t you come to me about what PR wanted to do? We could have figured out something together.”
He shrugs, looking at the ground. “I didn’t think to ask you about it. I just wanted to fix everything before it got complicated. I wasn’t thinking.”
“Yeah, no shit,” you mutter. “That’s something you’re great at. You don’t think before you do anything.”
You jump when he stands up suddenly and turns to face you. He’s angry but so are you.
“No, fuck that. You can’t just expect me to do everything right, when a month ago, all I had to worry about was hockey. I can’t be number one dad overnight! You didn’t even tell me about her for six years!”
You’re a bit taken off guard by his sudden outburst but you can do anger too.
“That is the exact reason I didn’t tell you about her, Mat. Hockey is always going to come first in your life,” you snap. “And I didn’t ask you to be a number one dad, all I asked was that you be sure you wanted to be in her life before you committed to anything because this is exactly what I was worried about.”
He falters a little, probably not expecting you to return the anger.
“I didn’t want to post what they asked me to,” he says, sounding defeated. “But I didn’t know how to say no. When PR tells you to jump, you jump.”
You’ve no idea how public relations in hockey works, it’s possible that they would have posted the statement without asking Mat but you’re so damn angry. You’re angry but you don’t know who you’re even supposed to be mad at now.
“You should have come to me,” you say again. “That’s how co-parenting works, you know.”
His mouth twitches. “That’s what we were doing?”
You can feel the anger slowly dissipating. Mat’s shoulders aren’t as tense and he plops back down on the steps so you sit next to him, letting your shoulders and knees knock against his.
“Well, you are her dad,” you admit. “And she is very concerned about her future living arrangements.”
He looks at you a little confused but there’s a small smile spreading across his face.
“Does she know?”
“Yeah,” you tell him. “She’s smarter than you expect sometimes.”
“She gets that from you,” he says, poking your arm.
You roll your eyes fondly. “Well she had to get her brains from someone.”
He huffs but it sounds more like a laugh. You watch him look at the ground, brows furrowed and deep in thought.
“I fucked up, didn’t I?”
Here’s the thing that a lot of people don’t know about Mat: he doesn’t forgive himself easily. It’s something you learned the hard way when you were younger and dating.
So you know he will beat himself up over this until you forgive him.
“Yeah, but we both did.” You bump your knee against his until he looks up at you. “We can fix it, but we have to do it together.”
He holds out his pinky finger. ”Co-parenting, right?”
You hook your finger around his and nod, letting yourself relax for the first time in weeks. It’s going to take time, hard work, and you’re both going to have to learn how to trust and communicate better again but you're sure you’ll get there.
“Together,” you agree.
tag list: @literatureluster @dasiysthings @barzyblogbabe @diary-of-jj @heatherawoowoo @fallinallincurls @topguncultleader @shadowsndaisies @lovinbarzal @whatthepuckisgoingon @alilstressyandlotdepressy @teapartydreams @keiva1000
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Pls may we have the soup recipe 🛐
lol yes!
ingredients
6 red bell peppers
6 tomatoes
1 white onion
5 cloves garlic
Olive oil
msg, pepper, basil, red pepper flakes, rosemary (about 1 teaspoon each, the rosemary u should be VERY light handed with use less than a teaspoon, it's a pungent herb and can easily ruin dishes if u use too much)
8 cups stock
1 and a half bags cheese tortellini
Heavy cream for drizzle
Instructions
Rough chop your veggies and spread them all out on a baking pan, drizzle with oil, sprinkle your seasonings and mix with your hands until everything is nice and coated but make sure to spread it all out in an even layer when you're finished mixing
Roast at 400 degrees until they're slightly brown, you don't need them crispy or too browned/burnt (about 10 ish minutes make sure you're checking them tho for a golden color, it's one of those when you see it you'll know things)
Take the pan out and transfer everything into a blender, blend until smooth. This is the base of your soup (it's also good to remember you can do this with a lot of meals esp if you're a picky eater/have picky eaters in ur family but want to make sure veggies are being eaten. blending them up smooth can help with trying new things a lot, it makes it much less intimidating). Scoop that shit out into a large soup pot and add in your stock, I used chicken stock for a little more flavor but veggie stock works just fine for this too. Add in a lil extra seasoning, you wanna remember to taste while you cook it's one of the most important things in cooking so if the base is a little lacking in flavor sprinkle in some extra now
Let it simmer on medium heat about 15 minutes, make sure you're watching it and stirring consistently every few minutes you don't want it burning to the bottom. After 15 minutes add your tortellini, if you're using frozen ones make sure they've been thawing on the counter for a bit otherwise adding frozen ones straight in will mean a much longer wait time to make sure they're thawing and cooking through completely (plus the excess water from the freezing can throw off the soup base). Let it continue to simmer for another 10-15 minutes
Once everything is nicely cooked through you can kill the heat and serve, the heavy cream is for an optional drizzle in the soup it's not a necessary ingredient just if you're feeling fancy with your presentation. This goes best with a crusty bread, im someone who craves texture in meals and soups can be tricky since there's very little texture variety so bread is always a good thing to have with these dishes if ur also a texture freak like me
but tada now you have a nice tortellini soup!
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heey! please dont take this the wrong way but im genuinely curious why do you feel so empty on tumblr🥺 i mean your stories have more than a thousand likes and theres so many people who are clearly huge fans of your work… whatever the reason is, i really hope you stay on tumblr for a long time because you are really the sweetest:) (not pressuring you though, you do whats best for you!) 🥰
hi, my love!! i didn't take it the wrong way <3 i can explain what i mean.. so, this time it's not as much about interaction bc everyone's been very sweet and talks to me despite holiday season! i still have more msgs than i can answer (keep it all coming tho pls hehe :P), so the issue this time is more just.. how empty tumblr is. i scroll through my dash once and am already at a post that was posted/rbd an hour ago bc nobody's around (ccs and readers alike!!).
so many of my mutuals have left tumblr and so many readers have, too (i miss you all sm btw sigh) and watching tumblr die has been so disheartening. it's gotten very dry? and then, and that's a me problem, i also get so damn insecure all the time. i keep feeling like im unwanted here and get vv scared talking to people, bc there was so much negativity and hate on here for the past year that i constantly think twice before approaching someone. i just hate overthinking like, "does xy hate me? should i rather not interact" lol which sucks bc i like talking to people so much and used to be the most social butterfly.
so the loneliness just comes from the overall desert-like feeling on here combined with my own fears that tumblr's better off without me. it's stupid 😞
also! idc about notes tbh! e.g. i enjoyed dropping cmi11 more bc it got more love than idk cmi9.5 despite getting less likes. sometimes the 'getting thousands of likes' is super cool but also the problem bc of the lack of reblogs etc. (like there's a big difference between e.g. cmi9 and cmi11, even in the comment section). the only thing i wanna say about interaction, though, is: whenever i do attendance checks before posting a chapter, a lot of ppl (and new names) comment that they're excited — id absolutely love it if you reacted to the actual drop, too bc that's often met by silence by those who are super thrilled at first 🥺 and taglist readers!! where are you guysss lol lmk if you read, too!! writing is such a difficult hobby to indulge in, so writers just want to feel like people see it and that their effort is appreciated, even if thousands of words meet just a paragraph of feedback — we still love it 🥺 that's all. atm i don't have more to say about interaction bc everyone's been the sweetest.
hope that clears things up... thank you for reaching out and telling me you want me around 🥺 you're so sweet, as well 🤍
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I FEEL SO INCLUDED <3
I was tagged by @chaotic-on-main uwu
relationship status: married
my favourite colours: pastel purples, rose gold although you can never tell that irl bc i literally just wear black tshirts and leggings
song stuck in my head: don't have one right now, but the most common one that I can't stop humming is the theme that plays in the Maw in World of Warcraft lol
last song I listened to: Call of Silence from the AOT soundtrack because it helped me write angsty stuff
my 3 favourite foods: similar to Sky I ALSO have ADHD and thus my cravings change like whiplash but right now I am enjoying those chocolate-dipped ice cream cones, strawberry ice cream mochi, and match tea lattes w/coconut milk if that counts
last thing i googled: "sob emoji" lMAO because i'm on my computer and didn't know how to emote
dream trip: into a fictional universe so i dont have to deal with real life. airplanes scare me because TSA is scary so I usually don't travel unless I have my husband with me
Tagging: @romantichomicide95, @levis-squishy-cheeks, @luvjiro, @lovolee3
I'm sorry if I didn't tag any mutual that wanted to be tagged! I'm still shy af and have no idea who wants to or does not want to be tagged ;-; pls send me a msg if you want to be added on or taken off!
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asks <33
misc stuff that piled up overnight
BRO YOUR VOICE??? SOOTHING!!!! CALMS RUSHING RIVERS!!! YOUR VOICE IS IMMACULATE now i want a series of rhi reading snippets of your works KSHGLS
🥺🥺🥺
rhi!! i haven’t told you in a hot minute but i hope you know how loved you are 🥺💛
ILY TOO!! nonnie pls <33
me, Hatori: there’s three things that can hold his attention for hours at a time; the construction site across the street back home, the volleyball Tooru had given him on his first birthday, and the sound of RHI’S MF VOICE!1!1!1
you’re so sexy… and for WHY? -🐦
bby hfdjhvfjdkJSKFHDJK 🥺 you're gonna make me blush.
omg hi lovely c:
idk if u remember meee but i was that one anon before who mentioned oika being in disguise for literally all other charas and that when it doubt its oika c:
y do i feel like ive heard ur voice b4 KSNMDMDND LIKE NO WEIRDNESS BUT IDK — ngl its expected but also kinda not???
idk to throw it back from the other anon, it was scary to msg u the first time - IDK IF ITS LIKE ANXIETY, NERVES OR LIKE THE VIBES BUT IT FEELS INTIMIDATING.
but ily lots anyway, bc aussie + oikawa = me and like we’re now besties for life just from these two simple facts. and yes u have a say - yes or yes c:
TAKE CARE LOVE 💕✨
(and oikawa is still always the answer, no seijoh until nxt yr? hahaha i cant read my eyes r closed i cannot c - ok jks aside, imagine jan 1 hits and its just all seijoh 🤧🤧)
you're very cute nonnie hehe. yes ofc we can be besties <33 and who knows, maybe it will be a very seijoh new year ;)
Rhi you do not sound at all like I thought you would 😦😦
Idk how to explain it but you sound a lot younger than I thought you would????But your voice is very relaxing
maybe you should read out one of your favourite fics for us
Jkjk
Unless.... 👀👀
Also I don't think you come off as mean or rude at all??
I think you're sweet and very funny (especially your responses)Then again we're all internet strangers so take every opinion with a grain of salt - @artemis32
<33 i will take 'younger' and 'relaxing' ghfjdkvbfjdk
and thank you bby!! ilysm 💕 also i would not hold your breath for the full fic, trying to record less than a minute nearly killed me hahaha
I don’t think you’re cold and mean at all lol (tho idk how much that’s worth coming from a stranger on the internet)
You set clear boundaries with anons and don’t take shit which I think is very valid ✨
thank you, i try to be nice on here!!!
no that’s definitely australian,, nsw or vic by the patterns involved
i will neither confirm nor deny this. very sus. fghrejksdjhfjk
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Quill :(( I'm so sorry to hear that you haven't been feeling well since the beginning of the year. Please don't push yourself too hard. I forgot where I picked up this mindset from, but I like to think that maybe you're just getting rid of all the bad stuff, so you get to enjoy the rest of the year >:)
Regardless!! I hope that you feel better soon and that things start looking up. If u need anything u can always hmu mwah
-Sher
sherry my love !!!! ( @souglias ) this is such a sweet msg, tysm for taking the time to send me this 🥺💗 i rlly appreciate it <3 and yes omg i totally agree w this !! i've been thinking along the lines of 'oh for every bad thing that happens that just means something good will happen to balance it out' smth like karma? HAHA idk it's probs just my copium 🥲 and thank u so much for the offer omg i def will!! ofc it's back at you too, pls feel free 2 hmu if you ever need anything or even if u just wanna chat (tho i will admit i am ass at replying fast HAHA) ily hope you're doing well bby!! pls take care, hope 2023 has been treating you well so far <3
also i sent u an ask for new year's but i'm not sure if tumblr ate it 😭 (i don't mean to pressure u to reply at all!! i just was worried that u might think i didn't want to wish u or anything KDSKD if it did get eaten by tumblr it's totally fine at least i have an excuse to drop by your ask box more LOL)
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hello!! ♡
you can refer to me namewise as figs/figsy!
twenty yrs old
queer/polyam
she/they/he
more information on my actual tumblr
pls don't dm me! i'm not a conversationalist! i will not respond! this is aimed at the creepy men tryna hit my line! stop that! im also just bad at responding to msgs even if youre not a creep
OTHER INFORMATION:
this is a personal acc, i'll post both nsfw and sfw interests. it's my blog, i'll do what i want. may contain hard kinks/tw content.
LOLITA IS A SFW INTEREST. it is not a kink or a fetish. i do not reblog it for ddlg purposes. people who do that are lowkey weird :)
i try to keep this blog seperate from my main internet persona. if youve found out my identity, keep it to yourself. i dont want it shared.
i have a fanfic account where you can watch me horny post full fledged fantasies in real time (thisfanisgonesorry)
♡ DO NOT INTERACT ♡
racists, sexists, transphobes, homophobes, the general dni stuff.
abdl, nontrauma ageplay, "sissy" fetishes, hardcore inc#st/p#do kinks, ED kink accounts, nontrans-detrans, that sorta stuff
anti-slasher fuckers / irl serial killer fuckers (esp the school shooter fuckers. respect victims u weirdos)
cishet middle aged white men that reblog stolen porn and don't make their own posts. yall are dime a dozen. dont speak to me.
anyone asking me to be their dom/sub. i am not interested in any type of relationship, especially not one from tumblr.
anyone whos gonna be a dick abt my religion. you wouldnt treat a typical religion like this. respect me and my gods.
i know minors will always consume porn when they're not meant to but please don't directly interact with me inappropriately
please respect my boundaries and if you don't, you're getting blocked!^^ <3
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this is so random and lowkey weird LMAO but like. i genuinely don't remember why i follow you but i'm really glad i do because you are a very entertaining person to have on my dash i just hop on tumblr and i'm like sICK it's yeonjuins and i don't know why i haven't tried to become moots earlier bc you feel really approachable but at the same time not because i find you really cool?? but also like. you are so real for everything you say on this app lmao aNYWAYS you also just seem like a genuinely nice person sO HI IM MARIA AND I THINK WE SHOULD BE FRIENDS :) and then also i get scared that i actually do know you and i've forgotten and then i'd terribly offend you by introducing myself like this BUT I DONT KNOW WHERE THAT THOUGHT COMES FROM BC YOU DONT KNOW WHO I AM SDJFLS anyways hope you're having a great day/night it's very cute and sweet of you to ask about peoples comfort idols btw skjSJFK i have not felt this awkward on tumblr in a long time someone collect me or something what am i rn like currently struggling to hit the ask button and i do not know why aNYWAYS FR FR BYE BUT HI AT THE SAME TIME IG??? HELP LMAO
HELLO MY LOVE tysm for dropping by my inbox i woke up to ur msg and i was </3 "sick its yeonjuins!" MY HEART PLSS i never knew ppl acc . acknowledge my blog LMFAO i feel like a one man show w a one man audience (me) half the time PAHAHAHA
omg i've been making more mutuals lately and they all said how they were intimidated to interact w me but guys !!!!!! as everyone says- i am all bark no bite 🙄
"you are so real for anything you say on this app" PLEASE ALL I SAY IS ME WANTING TO FIST FIGHT EVERYONE SOCKWKDKD this geniuenly made me laugh because im out here every day just denying bias allegations SOSOSDOS
i'm so honoured you think i'm cool ): your ask was so adorable pls </3 tysm for dropping by- we def can be mutuals my love there's no need to be scared PAHAHAHA welcome to my little side of tumblr <3
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aw bab re: anon msg about england being a shitshow, it wasn't a complaint about ur posting at alllllll 😭😭 of course you can complain on your blog!! omg im sorry that wasn't clear 😭 was just sharing how im privately wishing you the best whenever you're being espec chatty about how depressed you are, and then after finding out the other day thay you live in england, realizing "christ that's bare morbs, i'd still be suicidal if i lived there too." 💀 like you can't be sincere or openly feel like shit in england, it's always ironic or it's seen as repulsive.... and then yes exactly like you said, the tory overlords compound the problem by keeping everyone destitute and miserable. so dw, weren't being down on you, just extending my sympathy for how much harder it is to survive in england. nowhere trying harder to kill the english than england! 🔪🔪 honestly, it's a miracle you've survived this long. anyway you don't have to reply to this public obvs, just a little clarification and reassurance for you personally 💕. love u bab take care xx
OMG honestly it was my bad i think i misread the tone or something but i just wanted to make sure i don't bother you and that i'd understand if i did!! honestly your message was such a relief to read like i feel like ppl do not understand how grim it can be to live in the north of england lmfao. its been on its last legs since thatcher with grey weather n grey people and fuck all saving it. no wonder we've got a drug and alcohol problem bc ppl only express themselves genuinely when they're shitfaced 😭 obligatory second disclaimer that i know im extremely privileged to be born in england and it is by far not the worst country in the world to live in. but i can't exactly say my mental health is thriving on this tiny dumb little island with tory cunts dragging us all further and further into hell with each passing year lmfao. thank you v much angel 💘 you feel like such a mate. also im just now reading the part where you said i don't have to reply to this but ykw let me show you some love in return mwah mwah adore you and pls take care of yourself!! Xx
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answering earlier than expected bc of a random burst of energy? couldn’t be me 🤭 nah but i actually feel kinda sad™️ rn and u make me feel better so here i am 🤞but OMGKEJFJWBFHE WHERE DO I EVEN BEGINNNNN
youcore fr bc you’re so smart and cool bae ugh your mind is everything OMGMGMGMM you got me wanting to jump through the screen to gently hold shin but also gently hold you bc KDNSJDDKDN the storyline fits so well and like,,,, suits him if that makes sense???? i’m absolutely HERE for this letter writing arc and im so fuckin excited you have no idea <3 <3 <3 (might inspire to make more playlists too, just for u <3) even despite all this, I can still feel his dorky and soft self and I JUST
there’s this cute comic from @/loweater of toshi using asl w bakugou and eri and if i can find it i’ll tag you :) OH and his dad being his therapist and all the other details about his family wE LOVE TO SEE IT 🗣🗣🗣 (this moreso relates back to the blog which we’re gonna get into- but i remember you writing abt his (3?)pet cats so just a little idea there for u :>)
last thing darling!! please please please don’t feel pressured to reopen that blog or talk to me constantly. getting a little more personal in 3, 2, 1~ for the longest time when u took your hiatus, i felt so bad and guilty bc I thought I was the reason and I took so much of your time and energy and I admit and apologize for being way more emotionally dependent than I should’ve been. things have changed now and im doing a lot better! i love and care for u vv much so pls don’t beat yourself up over it ok <3
wait no sorry THIS is the last thing I swear 😭 i was actually gonna msg u a couple days ago bc i actually had a dream abt the voicemail thing- long story short,,,,, i think i called shin back the next day, we said hello and i unexpectedly (to him anyway) asked him a question abt his new pet fish…??? OK before u think i’m crazy;;; i think it was smth that he had rambled abt in the voicemail and i was asking abt it just to talk and exist freely before getting into the Other Much Needed To Be Discussed Topics.
okay i went like way overboard im sorry 💀 ily forever my darling mwah <3
I NEVER GOT THE NOTIFICATION FOR THIS IM SO SAD :(
UHM 1) i hope you're ok w me answering this publicly w the more personal info shared, if not lemme know and i will, idk delete this post? that being said! between my own terrible unmotivation and personal issues, plus yes maybe a little bit with the emotional dependence, it just felt hard to keep up with the blog. but you were never, ever ever ever, a Big Bad in my life, never. overwhelming sometimes, yeah(BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR IT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW, OUR FLAWS MAKE OUR RELATIONSHIP STRONGER). but when i made the decision to close the blog it was not "riri makes things hard :(" it was, "things are hard and i gotta focus on myself :(". i appreciate and abs accept your apology though you are so cool and i am so so happy knowing that you're doing better <3
a bit of an extension on that;; i'm still deciding whether i wanna reopen the blog tbh. i've got a couple wips on there that i meant to finish but never did, plus small storylines i wanted to pursue thru shin's blogs that i can't exactly emulate thru I Am An Author Writing a Thing when it should be This Is A Guy Writing Stuff On His Tumblr Blog. plus publicly posting my writing is so rewarding to me :}
2) PLEASE DO JUMP THRU THE SCREEN and gently hold me n shin - woahoah we would both love that methinks. grrrr. i love you so much riri. no amount of poetic words can convey how much i love and adore you TRULY. you are a light in my life, i am happy and ready to have room in my life for you again :) <3
3) YOU DREAMED ABT IT AJFNNE. shin getting a fish... that would def clash with his, yes, 3 kitty cats. but also a calm pet that doesn't require love and affection? holy crap i shoulda considered it, that'd be way fitting for them,,, if not for the fact that fish are Slimy and shin likes Fluffy. in an alternate world where cats hadn't already stolen their heart, i can easily imagine shin getting into fish and maybe even lizards. he's got the range~
idk if i'm exactly gonna write what was said in the voicemail cos i wanted to leave that up to your interpretation, and tbh i'm GLAD for that cos your interpretation is great. muahaha
ilyilyily going to check out the mecore link now muah <3
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Hi there, im really sorry. I know its kinda inappropriate to ask for a favor like this but I just wanted to ask if you could possibly share or boost the post I pinned for my cat. We're in desperate need of help right now. I hope youd consider, if not I understand dont worry. Be safe always! Pls do send me a msg or answer this ask privately if possible <33 Happy Valentines Day!
Hey guys! Welcome to my Speedrun of recognizing scammers.
First tip! Do not automatically trust, there's no rush. You can wait hours or days before handling an ask. In general, people who are trying to get you to act quickly (minus like, emergencies that are Happening) are trying to get you to act thoughtlessly.
Okay here's how to scam hunt:
1. This ask. People don't generally send asks like this in genuine ways. It's also a copypaste, and mentions valentine's despite it being Feb 18th today.
2.
Reblogs are done direct from OP! With recommended posts and other site changes we can no longer assume a blog with varied content is safe. Where previously it would all be content from one tag, now it's from several trending topics. Cecilsweep, puss n boots, if you're terminally online like I am you know those were trending 5 days ago.
3)
This is the oldest post they have! It's, again, direct from OP. It's also posted recently (a sign that it would have been top of the tags) and OC content (is it bad to assume you have to follow an artist to get into their OCs?). Also, if the oldest post is 5 days old, this blog is a baby and should not be trusted to hold your money.
4.
Good old fashioned searching their name on Tumblr. This is having to take the place of reverse Google image search, for me, since like many users I'm an app user and Google lens has me trapped in an unrelenting hell of 'nice top want to buy it' and 'i found the Latin name for that animal :)'. This is a good way to quickly check if someone is being spoken of, though, of course, still think critically because people can lie online about anything including call-out posts.
Thus concludes our lesson Speedrun mlg pro gaming! Please stay safe and don't engage with scammers or mormons
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hiii
im thinking,,, not much has happened since i last posted... i know i said i'd post every day but that feels like i'm pressuring myself and i don't want to make myself do things if i don't want to. so yeah...hm let's see... i finished my hero it was rlly good i rlly liked it. i accidentally spoiled some stuff for myself and i told my friend about it and he got mad that i did but i didn't know it wasn't said yet in the anime. so yea i got a manga spoiler. honestly, i feel like now that i know it's like not obvious but it's like wooowwww... also kurogiri being aizawa and mic's friend?????!!!! wild. oop there's mha spoilers here forgot to say. oh yea i wanted to post about working which i think i did before. i think i said on here before that i quit my job bc i wanted to learn about myself and i did. and i'm applying for jobs but i'm scared to be honest. like every time i work, it's either work until i'm burnt out or mask that everything is okay when it's not. and i don't want to struggle with that again. i feel like i've always struggled with handling my mental illness and working and i don't want to. i feel good. well as good as i can be but you know. there's good days and not good days but it's okay cos i'm still here!!! and i feel the pressure from my dad bc he constantly asks if i've applied to places and i have! only one has reached out and they wanted to do an interview today but i seen too late and then I panicked and lied saying I have covid. which it's not good to lie i know it's gonna bite me in the ass later. but i'm not sure if i feel mentally prepared to work again. like it'd be nice to have some money, but like at the cost of my mental health?? i just want to take it easy. i wish in this life we could choose to not work but no bc of capitalism we have to. i wish everyone could have a life where they don't have to choose between their mental health and keeping a roof over their head. it's sick and twisted. uh but yeah this is the end of my little rant i think,,,, so if you read this thanks for reading!!!! pls msg me i want to build a community of friends here!!! also idk if i said before but i have adhd and most likely autism so yea.. neurodivergent folks hmu pls!! have a great day!!!! love u!!!!!!!! <3
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tagged by @meichenxi, thank you!! i started this and then promptly left it in my drafts for over a week, so this is! outdated! (but i am loath to change most portions of this)
Rules: tag 9 people you’d like to get to know better! (my anxiety will not allow me to do this and in fact i received a spam email with the subject line: “Do not contact me I am not interested” immediately after i first saved this as a draft which felt like the universe communicating directly with me)
Last Song: 寒鴉少年/Jackdaw Boy, by 华晨宇/Hua Chenyu
Listen, this is an absolute banger of a theme and I watched the entirety of 斗破苍穹/Dou Po Cang Qiong just to figure out when they played it (alright no I also watched it because Xiao Zhan is styled in a waist-length braid and I am w e a k); it’s credited as the OPENING THEME on Wikipedia but it fucking is NOT and in FACT they only used it ONCE during a training montage VERY early on in the show which is WILD. If I were a cdrama, I would NOT shut up about this song.
you can listen to it here! i’m linking a live performance instead of the music video (even though the piano in the studio version is more... aurally satisfying? like when i first heard it and the first notes came in, i sat UP and took notice) because hua chenyu is such an interesting and committed performer, i could never get tired of him. anyway, i can no longer say 走吧 in a normal way, i must simply scream it like in the chorus
Last Movie: Yellow Rose! I have many thoughts on this film that I am still unable to articulate - all I can so far say is that I cried, very hard, and very often.
Currently Watching: making my way downtown through 有翡/Legend of Fei, which is unfortunately very slow going as I’ve yet to really connect with it. I have maybe been rewatching The Good Place and Galavant instead.
Currently Reading: Tackling three (!) books rn, which I haven’t done since I was a kid and used to leave books like a trail of breadcrumbs all along the house.
1) The first two volumes of David Hawkes’ translation of 紅樓夢/Red Chamber Dream just arrived this week last week. This is out of filial duty (my mom will not stop telling me to read this) but also like a desire to reconnect with my heritage hurghsdf
2) The Discworld books, shoutout to Ash! I am likewise going in publication order and beginning with The Colour of Magic, although a lot of people seem to warn against it (including Neil Gaiman??), but even with the very little progress I’ve made, I know that I will love this. This writing feels like home.
3) Finally diving into The Song of Achilles, shoutout to Melissa, because I kept seeing your tags on cql gifsets with tsoa quotes and I knew I had to read it.
tagging: @deer-earthworks @sandayuoda @benevolent-fairy-queen-squirrel @faeofthewood @ravenstag @clydetheshamelessdiva
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hi :) i apologize in advance to a) anyone on mobile or b) anyone Tired but like. something recently happened that upset a number of people. and. there definitely needs to be some clarification. speaking of: this whole blurb is specifically about ~fandom things.~ there are spaces where this is wrong or some things don’t apply. don’t reach.
and anyone who knows me knows i really truly don’t like public debate-y stuff especially in this fandom but on this one i gotta make a post because i’ve seen a few comments that are gaining popularity but are... well. they’re wrong. so. without further ado.
// this is about people ‘ruining’ other people’s posts- or, really, the impossibility of that happening.
hot take that isn’t really a ‘take’ because it’s just. how tumblr works: you can’t control what people add to your post. intent does not grant the right to any intended effect. granted, you control the original post. it’s your intellectual property- that’s why reposting is an issue. but you cannot control replies, comments, reblogs, any of that. it’s in tumblr’s terms of service.
when you make a tumblr account, you agree to the terms of service. this means when you post any content to tumblr, you’re giving the platform’s other users the right to reblog it and add anything they want that doesn’t violate any further policies. so someone reblogging your post and adding a reply that involves, say, a fraudulent link that’ll give you malware? that violates community guidelines and will be taken down. someone from another corner of the internet making your post relatable to their interests? that’s allowed. so if you make a post about Prince Harry and the Harry Potter fandom takes it over, sorry, there’s nothing you can do.
//also the reverse totally applies: if you see a post about Prince Harry, and you think “...hey, that could be about Harry Potter!” guess what dude? you are 100% completely and totally allowed to reblog that post and make it about Harry Potter.//
//also (so sorry), an important distinction: if that prince harry post says ‘HP fans don’t interact...’ can you, i dunno, respect that blogger and not make their post about harry potter? absolutely. don’t be an asshole. but this is more about being op than reblogging, so i digress.//
“but I hate all the notifications i’m getting about HP blogs adding to my post!! they’re making it into something i didn’t want it to be!!” welp. i’m sorry, but you cannot stop them from doing that. this is per the guidelines. they aren’t violating any terms of service. are they specifically targeting you with harassment about it? because that’s a different matter entirely. or are they simply doing something you didn’t want? unfortunately, you can’t keep that from happening. you can reblog your original version without their replies and try to make it more popular, but that’s about it.
it’s important to note that these people, in doing so, are probably not doing it out of spite. and even if it is, guess what? they get to be spiteful little nerds. sorry lads. they’re not forcing you into an argument about it, either. and you don’t get to tell them what they can or can’t do on your post. you can, however, choose to continue to be bothered by it, or to ignore it.
“but fam i really hate these notifications. i have a horrible fear of ron weasley and every time he’s mentioned it freaks me out, and every time anyone reblogs my post the activity feed blares directly in front of my face and i can’t look away.” see but here’s the Cool Part: if you don’t want to get notifications on a post you made, then you can delete a post from your blog. of course, by doing this you are not deleting all reblogs of the post. but what it will do is take any more reblogs, replies, comments, likes, etc. out of your activity feed. the post will still exist in many forms. but you won’t be updated on it anymore!! you won’t see it again!!
“but i am seeing it! some of my friends i follow are in the HP fandom!!!” okay well. good thing there are lots of ways to get around this one!! and xkit has even more!!
1. filtering tags!!
2. unfollowing users!!
3. blocking users!!
4. logging off!!!!!!!
...and this is where we run out of rope.
anyways. long story short, tumblr is made to curate your personal experience. you do not have any control over what other people do, short of reporting things that violate the guidelines. i’m sorry your post didn’t elicit the intended response. i’m sorry your activity feed got blown up by HP fans. but there’s nothing you can do to HP fans about it. if you choose to call them out, to reply to each HP fan and go “no, you’re wrong, this is a Prince Harry post, you can’t say that,” that is on you. you have the right to reply to them saying that... but are you correct in saying there is only one way to interpret something? do you have the authority to control someone else’s fandom experience?
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Hey gang!
I’m Jamie, you can call me J, Egg or Eggu.
they/he (bạn/anh for Viet folks)
English is my second language - please excuse my mistakes.
Just a lot of Star Wars stuff here
You can find more of my original art on my Instagram.
※ Portfolio ※ Instagram ※ Twitter ※ Side blog
※ Commissions ※ Ko-fi ※ INPRNT ※ Redbubble
Please read the FAQ before you unleash an ask 👇
FAQ
What do you use to draw?
At the moment, mostly CSP and my trusty Wacom Cintiq 16’.
For my brushes, pls check the #art stuff tag.
Can I use your art for an icon/sidebar/banner/etc?
Sure! As long as you credit me.
Can I repost your art of my account with full credit?
Yes and no. If your are on the same platform as me, please share/reblog/retweet my work instead. If you want to share a piece that i never post on that platform, please give full credit and tag me, and please ask me first before you do it. I’m on Tumblr/Instagram/Twitter using the same handle @eggdrawsthings.
Do you take commissions?
Yeh, I do! Please check my bio and the link above for the commission status and details.
What about requests?
No, I do not take requests. Sometimes I'll do a quick doodle if an ask piques my interest, but most of the time I'm pretty busy. If you sent me a request and I never reply to you, please don't take it personally..
Any other ways for me to support you?
You can send me tips or buy stuff from my shops👆 . Thank you so much for your support!
Why haven’t you answered my ask/inbox msg?
Normally I post and ghost. I'm not a sociable person and things get awkward real fast. Or it could just be one of these things:
Many of the messages I get are from people sending me compliments and love. I tend to keep my blog art-focused mainly, so if you don't see me publish your ask, please understand that I read all of them and I really really appreciated your kindness!!
It's about a problematic character/actor/stuff I don't wanna talk about.
It's an art request, please see the previous question.
I probably alr answered that, please check the tag #thoughts in space to see if I ever talked about it before.
I'm in that period of "not wanting to reply to ppl even if they r my best friends". It's hard to explain, but sometimes it be like that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Other tidbits:
Currently obsessed with: Star Wars (Mando and Rogue One/Andor mainly), HBO's TLOU, Blue Eye Samurai
I read all of your tags and replies and I want to like everything but Tumblr is annoying so even if I don't reply to you, please know that I love you sm, and thank you for the kind responses 😔✋
Please don't be weird in my notes. Keep your horny thoughts to yourself I do not wish to hear them, thanks!
I tend to delete old asks to keep my blog uncluttered, also I like to delete old drawings if I don't like them anymore, so don't be surprised if suddenly you see some posts disappear.
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aaaa i love how even tho white has to keep up the act and be cold towards sean you can just see in his eyes how worried he was when sean was having a nightmare like you can hear it in his voice too gun portrayed it so well !! btw do you think white is sometimes going overdoing the asshole act ? telling sean he would leave him to die was kindaaa 😬 i cannot imagine how confused sean must be with his feelings tho:( also i kinda feel bad for gram bcs white has NO IDEA about gramblack and now this dummy gon think gram and gene got smth going on...my poor meow meow gram...black please wake up!!! the whole eugene thing is a trainwreck too white just keept making the situation worse (under todd's influence too umm sus) like imagine pretending to be your twin brother and getting back together with his ex gf that he dumped not only putting you in an awkward situation but also giving her hope 😬 it looks like she's maybe gonna catch on soon tho ? I HOPE SO andddd yok is just so gay and in love i just know he's planning a danyok wedding in his mind i got no words for this idiot (,,kinda long msg sorry)
Yesss I love the contrast between White's harsh act and his genuine concern for Sean. Like I've said it before but it bears reiterating- Sean and White are just naturally drawn to each other, it's just how they are. So it makes sense that even though White has been led to distrust Sean and suspect him of hurting Black and hence has to be harsh to him, it's clear he doesn't really want to. Sean is not the type of person White can ignore or hate. The more White gets to know Sean the more noble Sean seems. Even when he disagrees with their methods, White can no longer pretend he hates them for what they're doing. Because all of this matters, because it is helping people. I think at this point the only reason White is continuing to distrust the gang is bc of Todd leading him astray. If it weren't for White's blind faith in Todd he'd have realised the gang couldn't possibly be responsible by now. I really love how Gun portrays White's internal dilemma so clearly without really voicing it at all. It's just like P'Nuchie said, for this show the acting is all about the eyes.
Oooh. No. I don't think he's overdoing it at all, quite the opposite actually. I felt ep4 was when he finally STARTED nailing Black's intensity. Is it really fucking cruel to say he would abandon Sean in real life? Hell yeah. But that's exactly what Black would say. Now don't get me wrong, for all his rage and murderous tendencies I don't believe Black would just let one of his friends- or frenemies in Sean's case -die like that. But I know for a fact he would say it. The thing about Black is that he's a very complex individual. He has all this trauma and anger and unlike Sean who doesn't let his anger get in the way of his human relationships, Black does. Black is someone who is very intense about everything, when he truly loves and cares for someone he would go to insane extremes for them. If he let himself actually care about everyone around him it would consume him. So he shuts most people out. It also doesn't help how similar Sean and Black are, and that similarity is what creates so much friction between them. Both too angry, too petty, too stubborn to really find a way to get along peacefully.
I always feel so sad for Gram too bc he's the one person who just genuinely loves and cares for Black, without any negative emotions tainting their relationship. It really sucks that he can't be there for Black when he's so hurt. Like it's bad enough already that he doesn't know the man he loves is fighting to stay alive but now he's going to be accused of stealing said guy's girl too like that's so undeserved. Gram is a Good Boi! He would never! Even if Gram wasn't so clearly in love with Black he's just not the kind of person who can betray someone like that. It's honestly so sad that anyone would actually believe GRAM could do something like that. Pls ik he looks like a hunk but he's really the baby of the gang 😭
As for Eugene, I don't think she's gonna catch on but I do think she's gonna be hurt by whatever goes down next. And I don't like it. If this was Yujin like the book I wouldn't care but Eugene in the show is clearly a good person who doesn't deserve to be caught up in this mess. I think Black was right to break things off with her right before Shit Went Down bc it separated her from the mess he'd gotten into. Now White has unwittingly dragged her back in and I don't see it ending well.
Yok! Is so smitten! It's so funny I love it. He totally is planning the wedding in his head, that idiot. I can't wait to see him and Dan finally have a proper meeting next week it's gonna be great! Also can't wait to finally get confirmation of whether Dan is fully hearing or not bc it's been driving me insane how we haven't seen him actively register or respond to auditory stimuli for FOUR WHOLE EPISODES!?! That can't not be deliberate right!?!?
(Dw about long messages I don't mind at all! And wow this turned into a long post huh...)
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