#and im feeling real guilty about it all

[velvetjune]

the chapter songs in Alan Wake 2,, flawless

#they deserve more love and discussion #saying this while also not knowing what to say other than they’re so fucking good #alan wake 2 #i think it’s partially because poets of the fall’s tracks are iconic so of course they’re in the spotlight (as deserved) #but also the CHAPTER SONGS. them being made for a given chatacter(s) with the help of Sam lakes poetry #the changes with ‘this road’ by Poe with every Alan chapter. becoming more distorted and revealing lyrics and the spiral #the scratch song being 1) hilarious and 2) similar to Zane’s poetry in the aw1 arg #the emotion in superhero when saga feels lost at the story making it so Logan was gone #the lines of her feeling like a ghost in this story forming around her.. how she feels guilty and absent for both what the story’s doing #and being away from Logan because of her job. ashdhhhhjhh my heart #AND. follow you into the dark HAS to be alice. which kills me because at for at I thought of Alan #but no. Alice jumped in the dark place after him. it’s so !!!!!!!!!!! #the rabbit hole line. Alice spiraling deeper and deeper into a dream—into wonderland #the Lost at Sea one is also good. intrigues me. the Bowie and Lynch references are blatantly aw2 Zane #but it’s so similar to diver Zane and the ‘originals’ death. being lost in the dark place with illusions of escape #and losing any sense of identity. whether he’s real at all or the monster of this sea or just a lost soul. #the soft and calm vocals / instrumental really makes the whole thing #NEED to stop typing more tags because this is a Lot. however. #‘no one left to love’ is also a phenomenal song and one of my favorites from the album. GORGEOUS vocals and how it all flows together. #such a powerful and beautiful way to end a chapter #anyway that’s all I had to say :) #god. I’ve started to watch a few playthroughs of the game and 90% of people have skipped the chapter songs and every time im #that’s fair but my brain and soul might implode if I don’t see anyone else talking about how good these songs are

[perilegs]

ok i might need to force myself to not romance astarion bc i don't want to know what it says about me to turn down karlach, the woman of my dreams, the character made to cater me personally, like, if she was real i'd bring the moon and stars down for the chance to see her smile, she's everything i've hoped for in a rpg companion, what does it say about me if i turn that down for someone like astarion

#ngl karlach would be too good for me and i wouldnt deserve it #shed probably ask me stuff like 'what do you want?' upon which i would be paralyzed with fear my mind completely blank unable #to process why i can't answer a simple question #and she's so up front with her emotions which i absolutely adore but i could not reciprocate that #wait am i actually for real avoiding the karlach romance bc i feel like this fictional character from a video game is too good for me #a real human being. like. i think i would feel guilty about romancing her #which makes no sense bc i romance characters too good for anyone all of the time. but idk #in those cases ive always had like a strong character i play as who is very divorced from who i am #but playing as durge there is no past so idk who my tav is yet so all i can do is project so he feels very. personal #im v sleepy and also ive had brain fog all day so yea idk #i mean i do genuinely like astarion and his character but in his case i dont feel guilty bc i feel like i #i have no idea how to finish that sentence without it sounding like 'i can fix him' #bc i dont want to fix him i want to show him compassion and respect him and his boundaries so he'll be able to reclaim tje feeling of #being in control of his life #so he'll stop putting people down to feel like hes on a pedestal #like i get him and why he is like that but i just feel like being kind and caring towards him would feel so good #it wouldnt fix him and thats a good thing bc i dont want him to change who he is but i do think he needs support #also hes hot im so mad at myself for being so atteacted to him #we wouldnt b here if i didnt have a thing for voices #besides thag back to the main point of astarion its like. ugh! im so frustrated rn bc i dont have the words #to express my emotions toward him bc everything ive said lacks the nuance that im feelikg but idk how to put it in words #i guess i want to protect him? that such a terrible sentence and still not what om going for

[widevibratobitch]

my god. skinny people really just have like. No Idea huh just absolutely not a single clue lmao it's almost funny to watch fr but then id lie if i said i wouldn't fucking kill to be able to be that ignorant

#girl i am SO sorry people react with surprise when you say you're studying to be an opera singer because you're #*checks notes* skinny and attractive. so so sorry that must be literal hell for you huh how will you ever recover :(((( #no no please keep talking about how equally bad that is to the brutal fucking fatshaming and ED glorifying #in the industry that me and the only other fat girl in the room were talking about before you interrupted us <3 #anyway. we were talking about this one review of a quite famous professional music critic whose only comment about a fat mezzo in the cast #was 'miss xyz.... lose some weight'. not a single word about her singing/acting/whatever. but yeah no you're too sexy for an opera singer #and THAT is the real problem here girl i totally understand yeah <3 thoughts and prayers dearest. #earlier that same day this same girl was standing next to me in her bodycon dress and went #*pointing at her stomach that's so flat its almost concave* 'ughhhh what do i have to do to not look pregnant in this dress 😩😫' #and i said 'girl' and just looked at her and like the sudden horrified realisation on her face was lowkey hysterical #like omg you really did forget you're not talking to your other skinny friends with whom you can pat each other on the backs #and reassure each other that 'dw girl ur not fat at all ur so so sexy!' huh sjshsjshsjs #but yeah i dont like making people uncomfortable irl so i did reassure her she looks hot and pretty and skinny as all shit #let at least one of us have a nice evening and not feel Absolutely Fucking Disgusting ig <3 #and the day before that after i saw our (last ever btw never photographing myself with them ever again <3) picture and had a mini break down #the other even skinnier and smaller and petite-er crouched down next to me with the most guilty fucking expression and quietly asked me #if im alright and do i want her to delete those pictures (that she posted on two separate social media pages) and like #the look of immense fucking pity on her was even worse than seeing those pictures #like i know she meant well and was trying to be nice but my god. this really is how you all see me huh #like looking like me would be fate worse than death for yall #not even gonna mention the thing i just learned this friday that the retired ballerina who leads our ballet classes said about me #trying to cheer up the other fat girl who happened to have a bit of an emotional breakdown in the middle of the class :))))))) #like i am sooooooo so glad and honoured to be an inspiration to you. really. always happy to help. the exemplary Fat Girl Who Fucking Sucks #But Doesnt Let It Bother Her <333333 #like on one hand. yeah it really does make me wanna jump off a cliff. but on the other. its just hilarious sjdgsjsgsj #you sure are right miss ma'am. i sure don't let this bother me at all. i am famous for my uncanny ability to Not Be Bothered by all this <33 #but shes new. its ok. how could she know about the last two years when i was getting panic attacks and sobbing myself to sleep every tuesday #but yeah no. [lauren cooper voice] am i bovvered? am i bovvered tho? i aint even bovvered!

[bornunderpunchestheheatgoeson]

listen if youre online arguing about what "true punk' is youre already too far gone. ok now that being said i have a secret opinion to share ⬇️

#i know how lame it is to care about ''posers'' like literally who cares we're all adults just do yo thang #but.............. the more time i spend in my local scene(s) the more i become aware of ppl who are like aspirationally alternative #like you wanna be edgy bc you think its badass and counterculture #but you dont have the backbone to do anything for yourself without worrying about how others will see you #like youre so deadset on fitting in to this one subculture but you seemingly dont particularly like anything about it? #all you want is to look cool in front of your peers so you just absorb whatever is popular with them at the time. #opinions music attitude appearance all based on whatevers trendy. which we're all guilty of i know #but why try so hard to fit into this idealistic 'punk' label. it sucks and is so lame and everyone can tell how hard youre posturing #and not to throw stones in glass houses but these ppl r so awful to talk to #seemingly never attempted an original thought in their life. speaks exclusively in twitter/tiktok/tumblr memes or buzzwords #never really listens to you and only factors in your opinion after he's run it by the ppl he wants to fit in with #um i mean they 🧍 #could be thinking of a specific guy i know. maybe #anyways i think im discovering in real time what a ''poser'' is and its making me feel like a cranky old man #always have to remind myself to be empathetic and not judge too harshly bc literally who am i and who cares #but it still gets my goat occasionally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[burningboxes]

>be me

>get new follower

>hellyes.wav

>look at their profile

>they're very obviously an antishipper

feelsbadman

#not fandom #boxes full of rambles #proship #anti-anti #proshippers please interact #this is about my sideblog but still #do you ever just look at someone's profile and INSTANTLY know whether or not they'd attempt to grievously harm you over fanfic #the fucking mile long dni list usually tips me off #like. im sorry but if you have a giant laundry list of people you hate on your profile i probably won't be comfortable around you #having boundaries is cool and all but like.. please define what you mean by ''basic dni criteria'' or ''no weirdos pls'' #do you mean actual sex offenders or people who like fanfiction that you don't #do you mean people who have done real harm or people you disagree with regarding censorship #i hate blocking people who like my content but if i feel like i'm at risk of being harmed then imma do it #better to dodge a bullet and (worst case scenario) accidentally block someone for no real reason #than to make myself uncomfortable to avoid upsetting strangers on the internet #sorry i went on such a long tangent LOL i just needed to get this out of my system so that i dont feel guilty for no reason

[buginateacup]

I'm starting a support group for longfic writers (both wordcount and long gaps between posting) who have seen names disappear from their comments and are left forever wondering where those readers have gone and why engagement is disappearing

#writer problems #this is NO shade on ANY of my readers #life happens #i get it #im guilty of it myself #but its this unspoken thing #because we all feel very BUT COMMENTS! #and trying not to sound like 36 presents? but last year i had 37! #its not about the comments per day #its about the community #kudos are great #but they only tell someone you liked a story ONCE #a comment tells us you're still on this journey #fic writing #comments #and commenting culture #niche problems #what did i do to chase you away? #comment drop is real #and it hurts #and it feels stupid to hurt #but it DOES

[transsextual]

why does my rejection sensitivity go crazy after I reasonably cancel plans with my little brother WHO I LIVE WITH

#i feel so bad for disappointing him and going back and forth on a plan he was really excited about. #and i had a similar incident w my dad the other day but it was totally on me . and there's something going on every fucking day this week. #im so TIRED i came home to rest not to feel like im a fuckup and be overwhelmed all the fucking time #coming back is so nice at first but then i remember i wanted to leave because all i feel when im in this house #-even if there's no real reason to feel it- #is stressed and guilty. all the time.

[gregmarriage]

the weird faceless ableist talking in my head being like ‘you’re lazy. just move. just walk!’ when i physically can’t do either of those things. like i would loveeeeeee to walk to the bathroom without fear i’m going to fall and injure myself. i would love to move even two inches without injuring myself. but okay <3

#pulled a muscle just moving slightly in bed this morning #that shit hurted #and yeah my legs will fully give way from under me sometimes #my cane helps but also it doesn’t #also the lack of energy is REAL #i don’t shower for a while and feel guilty about it #but like i always get around to it i just have to wait for a good time and a good bit of energy and sometimes that takes a while jeez #explaining myself to MYSELF is bizarre #but honestly sometimes i have to do it to other people too so ya know good practice or whatever #i’ve also fallen behind on my exercises bc i got ill and my brain is super spacey and im having an insomnia ep so 🤷🏻‍♀️ #idk feelin guilty is boring we’ve been over this #but it’s not my brain can just shut those thoughts down itself i manually have to do that shit #sometimes i’m just like ‘IT’S FINE!’ bc i can’t be bothered to think about it and just want to move on #idk ppl probably think i don’t need my cane when they see me with it #but like i know i need it so fuck you #that’s all that matters #gwen rambles #gwenposting

[c1nn4-bunny]

OOOOOooOoOOOOooo you will be so interested in my vampire silly OOooOooOOOOoooooo

OOOooOOOOOOOOO you'll let me be super autistic about them OoooOoooOOOoOOO

#Eryn my beloved you and your partner live in my head rent free <3 #you are so so precioussssssssss #im sorry that you have to be traumatised in canon i really am you don't deserve it dear but it's for the story :( #i promise im giving you the happiest endings possible in alternate realities all the sweet little what if stories you could want #you and Vix can live safely and away from harm i promise nothing bad will ever happen to you again ; ; #i promise i promise i promise i know the way your story ends is scary but im holding you gently to the other side dear ; ; #nothing bad will ever happen again. #ooooouuugghhh i need to draw comfort art #I feel so fuckinf bad about all of Lumine and what these two have to go through... they don't deserve that... they've done nothing wrong #my autism makes me feel incredibly guilty over the things i put my own characters through because i get so attached to them <3 #i am a horrible person and i know they'd hate me if they were real and knew i wrote them into these things <3 i wouldn't blame them #literally i avoid touching canon Lumine stuff out of guilt. we deal in fluff aus of our own stories here thanks ; ; #im tired and just. I'm so sorry Eryn would you ever even forgive me if you knew my poor darling ; ; #oc: Eryn #c1nn4bunny.mpd

[slutdge]

#state of my mental health rn #i gotta keep it real with yall!!!! im tired of grieving and being abused and wanting to die all the time in isolation #i really cant articukate it anymore lmao i am completely hopeless and on my own at this point #i feel like theres nothing left i can do #i know all i do is bitch and complain go away then im not holding a gun to your head lmao #i feel like my bodies just gonna fucking explode lmao #im too tired to find the words that really give it justice how much i wish i was dead anymore #its too much all the time lmao!!!! im tired its too much and im a pussy i cant take it!!!!! #and i dont think im crazy for being this tired given the circumstances #i talk about how bad and unsafe im feeling and im a manipulator #i internalize it all and feel like i dont deserve it and should be treated better and with urgency of my situation and im a narcissist #i cant win with emotions i cant win with other people like. my entire life is a series of games i cant win #i feel guilty because of everything so does it really even matter lmao #ill never feel absolved

[astrxealis]

okay i'll seriously stop now (just a maybe) anyways please get into milgram listen the songs watch the mvs and all! <3

but just to ramble a bit: fuuta really is. so similar to the viewers/es

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #⋯ ꒰ა milgram ໒꒱ *·˚ #he's a twt user and kinda chronically online LMAOOO okay but to be serious. he doesn't really realize the #real world consequences of his actions until it's too late. and in the mv he so obviously shows regret and all #there's a scene where he's looking at his self from before doing the spraypaint again and tbh yeah dudes sadistic w that kinda thing #sadistic but in sort of a good way in a sense that he wants to deliver justice. but then things escalate too far as well #<- probably starts calling out people for the smallest things. not anymore about justice #or it still is about justice but even in the littlest of things... anyways yeah he likely starts it but then the others r the ones #who put more flame to the fire. i think he has problems w attention too so this kinda yk. makes him feel seen... or idk how to phrase it #bcs dude spends most of his time online right? the whole gaming thing might be an escape from reality in that he #likely doesn't have much friends if any at all (he also doesn't really get along w anyone in the prison. but i think he is a good person bc #he cares for haruka bcs hes younger). hmm. fuuta knows what's the deal with milgram #anyways yeah i think it is all just so interesting. he's definitely regretful and feels guilty and also... he's hinted at stuff #uhm. worrying. stuff. if yeah? idk how to phrase it but i think it is safest to really vote him innocent (also he deserves it imo) #he still needs to improve w some stuff but then again i dont think we should be Extremely Harsh #yk scruntinizing everything. voting him guilty again for a 'small' yk. not that what hes doing is negligible but i mean that he's #starting to improve (even if his... mental state is getting worse it seems) and it feels wrong and is exactly what he calls out #es/the viewers for if we vote him guilty for the smallest of mistakes/injustices even when he's yk. getting 'better' #sorry for terrible explanations here i hope it makes sense oml #i dont think fuuta meant anything bad fr. and then the drama audio w es like... agh wait im putting that aside for now bcs goddamn #i think there's smth to do w. Pressure. ofc. duh. LMFAO. maybe peer pressure to join in the cyberbullying #he likely didnt mean for it to escalate but maybe he started losing himself in it all w a sort of hero complex #ahhh trying to tie together stuff from the 1st trial and 2nd trial is complicated bcs the two have similar but different themes

[elvain]

tired of always feeling guilty bc i get good grades but my peers do not get the ones they wanted and therefore start throwing tantrums... what do you want me to do about it bruv get a grip youre 30

#mk.post #dni bc this is personal #but like for real everyone around me is always moping and whining about how hard a class is #or how bad their mark is and it makes me feel so ashamed for my good marks #or how easy i find a class or how comfortable i am with the materail #and i swear i just want this feeling to go away bc im confident and i like my field #but some people just make me feel SO inexplicably guilty #like first of all i know its no ones fault that i do well bc i work hard even tho i complain too etc etc #but i am a smart person and i always have been #and i hate that i dont have the space to feel good or to celebrate myself and my achievements #because people are so concerned with doing “badly” #and fyi a 77 or a B+ is not a bad grade lmao thats the majority of my transcript #feels like this person is just taking it out on me #she is also assuming i got the same ish grade as her but i got a 92 and an A+ and a personal email about how well i did #and im like oh yeah... yeah that sucks... ahha... #maybe dont assume i did as “bad” as you did? if you think your grade is so shitty why are you assuming i got it too #cannot explain it anymore im just tired and now i feel like shit

[strawberriandromeda]

so funny how half of my messages are ppl asking for donations and for some reason i click on their blog its from a deleted really makes you think huh

#i actually used to feel guilty about scrolling past dono posts or blacklisting words like paypal #but now im just tired #i fell for this once and felt terrible bc that was money i stupidly gave up for a complete stranger online #now i will never donate money for online strangers i dont care if theyre dying for reals because im not doing so hot either #i feel like all my compassion for others has been zapped out of my body and i dont even mind

[theamazingannie]

Half of people say that kids these days are too sensitive and half of them say they’re too apathetic which in itself seems like a contradiction but I feel like it’s just half of young people have had to shut down their emotions because it is so easy to learn about tragedy these days. I’ve been awake for a half hour and already I’ve learned about a teenager who was killed at his homecoming game last night, a young girl who died from cancer recently, and had a reminder of the school shooting where a bunch of kids died. It’s impossible to not be beat down by all of this and there are really only two results: becoming over sensitive to it all as everything gets piled on, or to turn it off

#sorry Im just so tired #i feel guilty for getting mad about learning about all these tragedies #but the fact is that I shouldn’t have to #there was a time when the only things you learned about were things that affected you personally #or major news like wars #you didn’t have to learn about every single tragedy that affects every single person all over the world #i saw someone on Twitter saying at least we didn’t have to live through the Cold War #and It’s just like #yeah you had to hear about Russian conspiracies and do the occasional hypothetical bomb drill #meanwhile we have actual factual knowledge of climate change and natural disasters getting worse and worse #and school shootings and wars all over the world #and kids with cancer in Kentucky and car accidents in California and homelessness in England #and our drills aren’t hypothetical they’re a very real possibility #because school shootings happen every fucking week #and It’s exhausting #and If you haven’t shut down yet it’s pretty damn tempting to #so I think being sensitive isn’t the problem these older generations think it is #because It’s pretty damn strong to not let yourself shut down after everything we have to go through