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rafeandonlyrafe · 3 days

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tee time

words: 1.5k

warnings: really really overly fluffy, lots of golf talk that idk if its correct yall im not a golfer, rafe squeezes her butt but its not a sexual fic :), lots of kisses omfgggggg these bitches in LOVE (this is a really boring fic im sorry)

“does this look golf-y enough?” you ask rafe as you pout in the mirror, adjusting your skirt again, feeling like your tennis shoes are out of place when you'd usually be wearing heels or sandals.

“baby, we are just playing for fun. you look cute.” rafe says, glancing at his watch.

“should i do my hair differently? pigtails maybe?” you question, twisting your ponytail around your hand.

“baby…” rafe sighs.

“okay, okay.” you raise your hands up. “im done. sorry.” you giggle as you turn to him, pressing a kiss to his lips, having to bend down to where he's sat on the edge of the bed.

“it's okay, you're excited.” rafe says softly, reaching around you to grab the back of your thighs, fingers moving up to your skirt, squeezing your ass.

“i am excited.” you gleam at him. “me and bianca went to putt putt the other day to practice.”

“you're gonna do great, baby.” rafe gives your ass another squeeze before standing, taking your hand in his and leading you towards the door.

you've been wanting rafe to take you golfing ever since you started your relationship, but usually he'd already have plans with topper or his other country club friends, and you didn't want to intrude.

when rafe offered the other day to let you putt for him, you jumped at the chance.

“im not gonna like, ruin your average right?” you ask as rafe pulls into a parking spot.

“no, baby.” rafe laughs softly. “don't worry.”

“okay.” you smile as he gets out of the truck, rounding it to open the door for you. nobody would ever guess that rafe would be a sweet and caring boyfriend, but he looks at you like you put the stars in the sky, and treats you better than you could have ever imagined.

he takes your hand in his as he leads you towards the golf cart, frowning when he realizes you're squinting in the sunlight.

“stay here.” rafe says, allowing you to sit down on his family cart, his clubs already loaded onto the back.

“okay.” you watch as he goes to the truck, jogging to get back to you as he hands you a pair of sunglasses.

“whose are these?” you ask. they look like your style, but you're certain this isn't a pair you own.

“i saw them one day at the mall and thought you'd like them so i bought them.” rafe shrugs. “figured i could keep them in the truck in case you ever forgot yours.”

“raaaafe.” you coo out, pulling him in for a kiss, which he happily accepts.

“ill let you drive once we get further out on the course.” rafe says, sliding into the driver's seat and turning the cart on before wrapping his arm around your shoulder, willing to drive with just one hand even though it was harder, needing you close to him as you press your side against his.

rafe pulls up to the first tee, waiting for a moment to feel the wind on his face before he turns to look at you, noting the way your ponytail is being blown slightly eastward.

“give me a good luck kiss for this drive, baby.” rafe says.

you pucker your lips and press a smack against his lips before he grabs a club.

you let out a cheer when rafe hits the ball, but honestly you lost sight of it in the air and even if you watched the whole way, you wouldn't have known if it was good or bad.

“yes.” rafe pumps his fist. “need you out here more often, my good luck charm.” rafe climbs back into the golf cart, taking off towards where his ball landed.

“gonna land this on the green for you, baby.” rafe says with a confident smile, and he does indeed get the ball pretty close to the hole.

you're not sure if cheering is generally accepted on the golf course, but you can't help but hype your man up.

“alright.” rafe pulls the cart to a stop near the ball. “it's on you, princess.”

you step out of the cart, looking at your options before grabbing what you assume is the putter, only because it looks similar to clubs used for mini golf.

“if you don't make it the first time, that's okay.” rafe says, removing the flag from the hole. “i won't be mad.”

“mkay.” you look at the distance to the hole, no silly obstacles in the way like there was in your practice.

you give it the ball a tap, frowning with disappointment when it stops rolling only a foot away from the hole.

“that was actually so good!” rafe says, a smile on his face. “just a little more power and it would have been in for sure.”

you nod, taking a breath before lining up your next shot, letting out a scream and jump in the air as the ball falls into the hole.

“that's par, baby!” rafe wraps his arms around your waist, twirling you around.

“oh my god, we crushed that!” you cheer.

rafe sets you down carefully, but not before pressing a kiss against your lips.

“wanna drive us to the next tee?” he asks, laughing when you enthusiastically nod. rafe drives you literally everywhere, so you haven't been behind the wheel of anything in months.

rafe retrieves the ball and places the flag back in the hole before getting into the passenger side, a smile on his face as you stick your tongue barely out between your lips in concentration.

rafe loves the look on your face so much that he insists you drive for the rest of the holes. you're tired by the time you reach the last hole, but don't wanna disappoint rafe by not putting.

“you okay, princess?” rafe asks, running his hand over your ponytail, smoothing it down comfortingly.

“mhm.” you nod, but rafe can see that you're getting sleepy, no doubt ready to go home and take a nap.

“how about we do this putt together, yeah?” he asks.

“yes, please.” you pout out your lower lip, rafe leaning forward to capture it between his teeth, tugging it gently before releasing and kissing you.

rafe stands, moving slowly as you get yourself in position before coming behind you, wrapping his arms around your body to grip onto the stick over your hands. he controls the swing and you watch, your back pressed up against his chest, as it falls into the hole.

“perfect job, baby.” rafe says, snuggling into your shoulder, giving your neck a quick kiss before allowing you to go back to sitting on the cart. you slide over to the passenger seat as rafe returns.

he chuckles gently before driving you back towards the clubhouse, thumb gently stroking against your upper arm as you lean against him, tucked into his side.

“someone is sleepy.” rafe says.

you let out a yawn. “it's not my fault you like to golf early in the day. why can't tee time be after like noon or something?”

“i usually golf at this time because you're still asleep and i don't like to be away from you.” rafe says, parking the cart and leaving it to be put properly away by the workers, needing to get you back home and in bed.

the sun has been covered by clouds, so when you climb back into rafes truck, you take your sunglasses off and place them in the center console for next time you forget yours.

you struggle to keep your eyes open for the short drive back to tanneyhill, not wanting to fall asleep in the truck. you know rafe will drive around aimlessly to not disturb your nap, even if he's tired himself. one time he drove around for an entire night just because he said you looked so peaceful sleeping he couldn't bare to move you.

“home, darling.” rafe says, yours eyes fluttering open, not having gone fully asleep yet but the soothing driving by rafe and hum of the engine had your eyelids drooping.

rafe carries you inside and up the stairs, getting out a pair of pajamas for you to change into despite it being midday.

“how long do you expect me to nap for?” you giggle, changing quickly with the last bit of energy you have left.

you sit down on the bed, knowing you should take your ponytail out and brush through your hair, but your arms don't feel like lifting.

you don't even need to ask rafe before he's moving, carefully taking out your elastic before grabbing the brush off your vanity that he set up in his room not long after you started dating.

he brushes gently through your hair, getting out any tangles that accumulated throughout the golf trip.

you crawl up the bed as rafe changes into a pair of sweatpants, going without a shirt as he sees your eyes closing, struggling to stay awake until he's in next to you.

you snuggle instantly into his chest the second hes underneath the covers, sighing happily when you feel his warmth.

“goodnight, princess.” rafe kisses the top of your head. “i love you.”

with your last waking moment, you manage to mutter those three words back to him.

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luvvsk2 · 5 hours

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helloo,

i wanted to request jjk headcanon , how do you think they would spend time with reader and what they enjoy together. also please make it fluff. thank you

OUU YESS !! thank you for your request !! 🤍🤞

how jjk men like to spend time with you ☄. *. ⋆ :

characters: gojo,geto,nanami,toji

gojo :

-going shopping !! - we all know Gojo is rich. so naturally he likes spending his money on you and bonding with you. -"what do you think of this" you said as you walked out the fitting room. "i really like it! let's buy it" he replied. "how much you asked to the worker "1250 dollars." "yeah sure!" gojo said "no gojo this is too much" you said not wanting to accept it. -another i think is simply going on walks. -we all know gojo is energetic so i think going on walks with you and talking about random ass things is fun to him

geto :

-listening to music with you -any music even if its one of those tiktok ones (fuck me like you mad at me baby, i need a freak to drive me crazy💀😭 pls tell me yk what im talking about) -going to coffee shops -when i look at geto i feel like he loves coffee, specially black coffee, espresso, lattes you know? -"lemme try yours" you asked geto he held his cup out to you, you took a sip instantly regretting it your face churns "its so bitter" "not that bitter, its black coffee what did you expect"he laughed

nanami :

-cooking with you. -nanami is a busy man lets be fair but, cooking i feel like is one of his passions and he enjoys it, he enjoys it even more when its with you. - "darling pass me the salt.", you passed it to him as he shook the salt ,the cap of the salt shaker came off and all the salt went into the food. you looked at him and started laughing. "kento omg" -talking about theoretical scenarios, because he's smart its even better. like "what would you do if there was a zombie apocalypse" shit like that.

toji :

-watching tv. -seems really simple right? well toji is a simple broke middle age guy, and just surfing channels on tv with you in his arms is fun for him. -going to the gym with you -toji's body amazing and working out is one of his passions, so he asks you to come along. "alright y/n try lifting my weights" he says while smirking, his weights are 200 kgs so thats a challenge, you were confident but as soon as you tried, you struggled, "toji! you're making me lift more than you did, i know you secretly put weights on it!" you face scrunching, he starts loosing it laughing, you ran after him trying to hit him.

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devourable · 1 day

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Requests are not being accepted, but I'm crazy about the evil princess and she hardly gets asked, I love her. I would like to see more of Althea and her fiancé (I don't know if you're making him masculine, if not it can just be gn) who isn't really committed to this whole "getting married and living together forever" thing that interests other people

sinceramente - W.V. 💖

allie is super slept on so i appreciate this ask 🫶 for future reference i exclusively write gn nondescript readers unless im commissioned to write ones with specific traits so people of all identities can still enjoy :p

👑 ;; althea x reader with commitment issues

· thats funny, you really think you have a choice in the matter?

· althea’s always dreamed of having a big flashy wedding between the two of you. something extravagant to show the world just how much you loved each other. she’s not giving you the chance or the right to take that away from her.

· if you start expressing some hesitance to marry her when she starts putting serious thought into it, she straight up ignores you. you can tell her to her face that you don’t think it’s a good idea and she’ll ask you what color dress you think she should wear. she’ll be well aware of your lack of desire to get hitched and she won’t even slightly care.

· she loves you, and you know it. she’s done so, so much for you. why can’t you just do this for her? it’s not like anything will change, you’ll just have to be loyal to her and do as she says and kiss her and love her and treat her like she’s your world. what’s so difficult about that?

· if she even suspects you won’t show up, she’ll have guards watch you 24/7 in the days leading up to the big event. don’t even think about trying to turn her down at the altar, either, she’s more than happy to remind you who’s in charge in front of everyone. you’re not getting out of this, and that’s the end of it.

· althea doesn’t care about how you feel if it doesn’t align with her interests. she loves you (in her own twisted way) and she doesn’t care if you don’t feel the same. she’ll be everything to you, whether if you want her to be or not.

#👑 althea c. ;; the princess #xxi ;; the world — asks #willvandomguardian #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere oc #yandere imagines #yandere headcanons #yandere girl #yandere girl x reader #yandere wlw #sapphic yandere

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softerhaze · 9 months

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idk if it was the venus retrograde or what, but july 2023 was quite literally the worst month i've ever experienced in my life like.....every single day? awful? worse than the last? it's more likely than u think

#u know sometimes you'll experience something bad in the moment and look back later like lol that was fine actually!#not july :) she was actually really bad :)#tmi but if u wanna know why i was gone lol #my partner of 6 years cheated on me in early may. on her birthday. at her party that i planned. with her coworker. and i saw it #on top of just being like. completely devastated? i was just so embarrassed? i hardly told anyone because it made me feel like #just SO worthless. and then i was embarrassed about feeling worthless and it was a whole thing #anyway they started dating in july and it was really tough for me #it was like every day i'd wake up and have to like grieve? and come to terms with reality? and accept that a lot of my future plans #were no longer going to happen - at least with her :/ it's a really tough thing to grapple with #esp since it felt like she wasn't nearly as sad as i was - which unfortunately makes sense but still sucks #ANYWAY im doing a lot better now lol i started telling people in my life and letting them be there for me and it's helped so much #it's still hard sometimes but i know now that i'm gonna be fine eventually #this is so dumb to post on my sims blog but it feels good to get it off my chest so SUE ME I GUESS

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petricorah · 2 months

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#i have two comics that are close to done and dont know which one to finish #ones oblivious pining and the others joking about dating the blue spirit #also i have tickets to see the ATLA concert tomorrow?!? im so excited #ahh i have so many zukka comics planned but im not sure which one to start on next #ones a longer post canon one about sokka drinking cactus juice and confessing and zuko doesnt know how to say he feels the same when sokka #puts his life on the line for him #another is the 'do you regret it' betrothal one thats not really angsty #one's a redo of my tea shop au with sokka being the college kid who comes in to work lte at night #ones a canon one about zuko getting sick and not knowing how to trust the gaang #i really like that one but its not really shippy #and then more. so. many more that i dont know which to start #hajsjdj #notmyart #CRAP I NEED TO SET UP MY STORE #i might just accept that maybe ill take a loss this first time and do it before i cant anymore. just do the easiest platform and just Go

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fourteenthz · 1 month

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LOVE AND PEACE ON FUCKING PLANET EARTH

#kelly plays ykz #yakuza 0 spoilers #I'm stopping now its like 7am I prefer to believe they are going to have a dinner and plan a trip to Europe and never come back actually #IM SO OBSESSES WITH THEM IT'S MAKING ME SICK IN THE HEAD #i didn't start this game expecting anything other than brother^tm but you know what. IF #they every single one of majima's old boss can say tell this guy has feelings maybe i can too. yeah. YEAH.#OBSESSED SO BAD with chapter 16 first cutscene... he has absolutely NO hesitation in running up to her.#and the second she goes past him he immediately refuses to let her go.#ITS SO INSANE how he has been so lifeless the last chapter and accepting his fate as a pawn for the next one #to show that fucking face he makes while looking at her. ITS SO WEIRD IN A FANTASTIC WAY my man is having too many feelings he can't #she** can't even see it and it KILLS ME bc he is making the world's puppiest eyes at her IM SO AUAAGAHHAHH SLAMMING MY HEAD ON THE TABLE #I NEED THEM. TO BE. SO NORMAL RN. I NEED THEM TO HAVE SUCH NORMAL DINNER RN.#I'm stopping playing bc i'm not sure that's going to happen so enough tears for today but I JUST. REALLY NEED THEM.#TO HAVE DINNER. HOLDING HANDS. AND THAT'S IS. CAN SOMEONE HEAR ME.#she really is like my top3 favorite characters in this damn game I adore this woman to death.#feeling so majima by his sigh in realief as soon as she stopped walking away when she tripped. the way his damn face changes from pained to #'IDEA!' and imediatelly offers to take her out........................... i'm so unwell at this momento.#I thought if they met again I wouldn't be able to trust majima bc he was so set in being a damn pawn in the previous chapter but man.....#the amount of thoughts behind his eye everytime he looked at her. if they end up playing that as him bring in pain #bc he has to win her over im going to kll a guy. there's no way NO WAY U HEARD ME #thry are literally my everything. there is NO way she is going to survive this game and I'm trying sk damn hard to get #used to that idea but it just sucks i love her so much. and thw worst part i have no idea what's up with majima on the other games #is her dying being his villain storie??? his hero redemption? HELL IF I KNOW. IS SHE EVEN DYING FR??#i truly think they could get away wih shipping her to another country. and it would make sense for majima to insist her to go.#but oh I doubt so hard they are giving me anything but pain with my favorite relationships in this game. i really do.#until then..... lying down in bed.... thoughts abt majima soft expression at her.... abt the weight her voice #carries rn.... abt the way he said 'hey' and she said 'you think I'm emotional because I'm hungry again'..... they. are. so.#the way they dont even give a choice to walk faster when she is accompanying majima.#I have such low standards at this point. if they don't at least hold hands again i will cry.#he doesn't need to guide her around anymore so... u see my vision? him asking for her hand bc he wants to... hello?

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silenthillbunni · 2 months

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📓🖊️

#maybe maybe one day i'll be ok??#maybe i'll manage to get my high school diploma #maybe i'll get a student housing apartment in another city. maybe i can study to become a pre school teacher...#(not my dream job but the only job that seems possible for me)#maybe i'll be able to work on my anxiety and avpd and become more calm #maybe i'll be able to exercise the way i want nd become physically strong #maybe i'll be brave enough to try apps to make girl friends i can hang out with???#maybe i'll get back into writing nd posting it. maybe i'llhave more fun w insta and taking photos again??#maybe i'll fix my relationship w my sisters nd talk to them again??#maybe if im lucky i'll meet someone who i fall in love w who falls for me too? maybe someone will one day choose to be with me??#maybe i can get a real apartment nd have a job? maybe i can even live w a partner one day? and maybe i'll have friends?#maybe i wont be all alone forever?? maybe i wont feel this alienated nd isolated for my entire life??#maybe maybe maybe my life can be alright....? can it really be?#i dont have much hope. but maybe??? plz plz plz let it be so let it be so #and maybe for now.. as im lower than i've ever been before..#maybe i just need to be able to eat more normally again. then i can have my coffe chocolate moments w youtube #and i can watch kdramas nd have dinner. which are two moments that make me feel ok nd calm #<<< i feel ashamed abt it but comforting eating is a thing for me. im gnna be alone 4ever anyway so might aswell just accept thats how i am #so yeah maybe maybe i'll start feel a bit better when i can disconnect from everything nd just get immersed in a kdrama nd have dinner lmao #idk. i just dont feel like i'll ever have a real life. i'll never have what i dream abt (which isnt even much. just love.. just love lmao)#so then i can daydream nd live by reading books nd watching kdramas nd tv shows nd also write a lot #but ofc in my freetime bc i need a job w a stable income nd my own apartment. even if i dont love my job i need one that i can be ok with

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lesbianwithchainsaws · 3 months

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One of the most frustrating things about being queer and living and growing up in a country that's not very accepting of queer people is that at some point you have to make a choice between trying to leave your country and living in one that's more accepting of you, and where you have more rights, and more of a chance of being able to openly be yourself, or stay home, the place that has your favourite food that you've loved since you were young that you can't find elsewhere, and the place where all your memories lay, and the only place you can visit your relatives that have passed and meet your friends who want to stay. I know there's ways to meet people from your home country living in other countries, but it's not really the same. I can talk to them in my native language, and we can participate in our shared culture, but I will still be walking streets foreign to me. And so I must choose whether to stay or to go elsewhere. I have to choose between acceptance and home. And I once thought that acceptance was the clear, easy winner, but now that I'm away from home, I can't even begin to describe how many things I miss about home

#and i know that maybe eventually the other place i live will start feeling like home but no matter how much time passes;#it will never be home in the same way as the home i grew up in #sorry im just really unsure of what to do. I've moved out of my home country but i find myself really missing home lately #i wish home was more accepting so I'd feel more comfortable staying there #maybe I'd still move eventually but i wish i could make that decision based on more than just wanting to feel accepted #because i think maybe i might've moved away before i was fully ready. and now I'm in a dilemma on what to do #or maybe its because its 1am and im overthinking things. idk. i just wish i could have both yknow #i hate that i cant have both #personal post

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jils-things · 3 months

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since i have laras permission to post shit he made heres another favorite old art done by her ☝️☝️

this literally summarizes everything there is to know about these guys

#love this art too hard because like #1) stevaide kisses (which is something im so shy to do)#2) gold and ruby are there #3) gold is angry and ruby's innocence is protected /jjjj #4) oc friend is present (pokelara) (he's babysitting them I think HAJAAJSJSHSJJ #im not sure why but i just felt compelled to make gold this opposing force to not like stevaide at first #i like to think gold thinks people like him are stinky bleghhh and definitely thought steven was a team rocket mf (they all wear black)#so he was immediately against this #he didnt care when jaide (hypothetically) went uhm so there's this guy (i dont think she'd talk like that BUT HYPOTHETICALLY!!!)#but when he saw the pretty boy it was so joever for mister St.even Stone #but eventually he accepts him and they have a funny dynamic going on (where steven tries to make gold like him)#gold actually does start to like him because he actually feels relevant. we all know how the hgss arc went down #still i think gold is still too high and mighty to kinda cave in and go yeah i love my brother in law but he really does appreciate him #and of course - to see someone love jaide. he's happy for her (and like how jaide is happy that gold has his own circle of friends AAACCKC)#WHY AM I SUDDENLY TALKING TO DEEP ABOUT THIS IM #FUCK IT IM STILL TALKING #ruby probably doesnt mind the pda (because he adores them and doesnt feel embarrassed about it) until franticshipping confession happens #because I fucking love the idea of ruby watching his mom just gently mwa his dad and then hes like OH GOD WHY AM K THINKING OF SAPPHIRE EW #(hes in denial ok how long did this boy take to be fucking HONEST WHILE SAPPHIRE TRIED HER HARDESTTO CONFESS MF)#HE WOULD FIX HIS GLASSES AND TURN AWAY. OR COUGH. AHEM. MOM PASS THE DRINK PLEASE (gettin them to stop fucking sweet talking at the TABLE)#SHSBDBBSSJDJSHS OH MANN SEE THAGS HOW MUCJ I ADORE THIS ART BECAUSE YOU CAN GET AN IDEA OF JOW EVERYONE IS HERE SKSJDHHSEJS #💚 for me #lara tag #ruby.fam #gold.fam #stone family tag

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leecherish · 7 months

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#so. the choir is over #the choir i was the member of since 2016 #the conductor wrote us a letter about the reasons why. and i have many complex feelings about it #most if not all of them are negative #rly the only positive thing is that if i get accepted into the uni choir (audition on the 3rd of october) i wont have to balance rehearshals #everything else is just. sadness. anger. betrayal #it really started hitting today that damn its all real like im grieving for it #a song from our repertoire got stuck in my head but i didn't remember how it went exactly so i got my folder filled with sheets out #and it just. hurt. it hurt to be turning the pages of my concert folder #it all hurts so much.#our would-be last concerts were all cancelled and we did not even know they would be the last one #i wish i could sing with them one last time #we probably will organize a meeting or smth. but right now its still very sudden and fresh and painful #sigh. if you somehow read this all: thank you #for sitting with me for a while.#txt #tbd

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pepprs · 5 months

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my depression is getting really really bad. like it’s been bad before but this is like… consistently really bad. like a long unending stretch for several weeks (and tbh months) now. to the point where no inoculation actually sticks (and im isolating myself from most of my inoculations anyway and feel unable to stop doing it even though i know it’s self destructive). im either helplessly unbearably miserable or numbing out on video games. i just don’t feel like it’s going to get better for me and i KNOW that is factually untrue but the feeling is louder than the knowledge and it’s just utterly immobilizing. ive been sinking in quicksand for 2 years.

#purrs #longer than that too ofc but i think ever since i moved to campus in 2021 and shit started hitting the fan my life just started snowballing #and picked up speed majorly when i moved back home and ive been stuck in this horrible limbo ever since. like im scaring myself with how #deeply profoundly unhappy and unwell i am. i am just detached and scattered and bewildered by everything. and the only way to break free is #to fight it but i don’t even have the strength. like in order to fight it i have to have the strength and it s exactly the thing that is #being stolen from me. and i work really really hard to suppress it when im around people so no one can tell but on the inside im being eaten #alive and every day that goes on the pain gets harder to bear except im numb most of the time so i can’t tell except for when i can #one of the things that makes me saddest is ive pushed everyone away either by ghosting them or scaring them. when what i want and need the #most is love and comfort. but then when i get it it isn’t enough. idk. im not explaining it well i just feel like. horrible. unbearably #i think i need to go on meds like i truly cannot go on like this not even in a s*i cidal way it’s like i just can’t take living like this #delete later #i know im causing the people who love me pain by being unable to accept that they do love me and that’s the worst fucking part. is hurting #people by being like this. scaring people by being like this. and being so disconnected from myself #and feeling completely and utterly beyond help like nothing ive tried has fixed it but also there are a lot of things i haven’t tried but i #feel so terrible or my freedom is limited so i can’t. idk.#also the crushing knowledge / sense that i have lost the most precious important years of my life both bc of the lockdown and bc of mental #illness lol. except that’s not true bc of all the stuff abt how your best years are always ahead of you and you can make them. but it doesnt #feel like it for me and then i beat myself up bc my job is literally to exude that belief and help other ppl feel it and i increasingly cant #i remember in high school having the thought that one day i could be depressed and being conscious that i wasn’t and now i look back on that #and am like… how. and will i ever not be. i don’t think so. it just feels unending

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the-yearning-astronaut · 5 months

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#tbd #☉#lemme start by prefacing this with I KNOW there's no real normal way to be human #ok i get that #but fucking HELL I wish i was normal #i wish my health was normal for my age #i wish i wasn't fucking. neurodivergent #im fine with being queer but ffs why am i in between normal queer and accepted Aroace-ness #why am i abnormal in that regard too #i wish I didn't alienate people i wish i didn't have to explain why im extra quiet and moody and minutes from a meltdown #i wish my hands and feet wouldn't swell up and hurt and burn and I wish i could take a fucking shower without feeling dread #because i had the water temp set to hot and now im dizzy and my heart is racing and im overheating -- alternatively I wish #i didn't feel so self conscious because i DONT shower every day or even every other day like i dont like when my hair goes limp either!#and i use deodorant everyday and wipe off when i can but i have fuckin Let's Sweat Buckets For No Reason Disorder so i always look and feel #like a drowned rat. im tired of being tired but not being able to sleep. im tired of not being able to explain that yes its really not you #its me. me wanting to be alone has nothing to do with you ok its my brain deciding to fuckin shut down because everything is too much rn #& idk how to tell you that im at my wits end but if you treat me with kidd gloves i WILL go off like a fuckin bomb. just treat me NORMAL ffs #just treat me normal 😭 i just want to be normal. i want to be able to sit down and just do my application stuff instead of #staring at a blank document for weeks and then wanting to throw things as the deadline approaches (#its due friday and i have absolutely nothing written lmao) and idk if its executive dysfunction or anxiety or my tendancey to self sabotage #but either way im so fuckin fucked. im NOT in the headspace rn for writing a graduate school application letter.#trying hard not to cry rn bcs my friend and her parents are sleeping already bcs they have a 9-5 sleeping schedule to fit their 9-5 jobs #like i dont even have a normal sleeping schedule lmao mine's 2-10. i just don't understand why im so broken or whatever. not normal.#& i feel bad for bitching about it all bcs objectively i have a pretty decent life. i have a home i have food i have a family that loves me #im just back to feeling like im too much and also not enough and im so fuckin lonely. im tired of feeling lonely. and i think #ive got a platonic crush or two. or something. and idk how to handle that anymore. if i ever did.#idk idk i feel like im back to looking at the world and passersby through frosted glass again.

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cosmicrhetoric · 2 months

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the sheer amount of manga I read in middle school is rearing back up to haunt me. like the amount of truly awful illiad length shonen/martial arts manga i not only read but was caught up with was sooooo egregious brother i was reading weekly updates of fairy tail at like 13 why was i doing that

#and that thing was NOT GOOD #i remember catching up with IPPO and being like actually proud but then i fell off immediately cause its a million chapters long #ippo wasnt awful i kinda stand by ippo. kenichi was awful though and i still read 500 chapters of that #but around where i caught up was when it really started sucking/feeling pointless so it was easy to fall off #and thats just the shounen i read waves upon waves of magical girl manga. pretty much everything except utena #which came to me later in life when i was more ready to accept it #i was caught up on my hero before it got really big too but i was def in high school for that #but yeah idk ive been thinking abt how i only really consume anime instead which doesnt make sense cause reading all the shit that im doing #like. well. one piece. would be so much faster if i just read it

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kaeyachi · 1 year

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gonna talk about kaveh thru the tags in case people dont wanna get spoiled

#also not tagging the kaveh tag in case someone forgot to block the tag due to spoilers #kaeyachi randoms #so anyway here we go #wtf is that back story why is it so painful #its incredibly realistic as well coz that can happen irl #also since we are going to fontaine i genuinely wonder if kaveh has a half-sibling there that will become a playable character someday #imagine the angst hnghh #loathe his mother so much sorry shes depressed but that has never been an excuse to be a POS #i have the same opinion about huffman btw like yes life is tough but who tf leaves a kid alone to do all the housework while u drink #even his specialty food has a backstory can yall believe it?#someone really enjoyed writing kaveh. good for him #now i have 2 depressed alcoholic babygirls who have a hard time accepting love and affection because they dont think it will last #what does that say about me when i kin them? who knows. im just a random internet person with specific tastes apparently #kaeya and kaveh meet and just start supporting eachother pls #they would be besties fr coz they would know how to ease eachothers troubles #kaeya and kaveh: no home? same. cheers to that mate #kaeyas bio dad and kavehs bio mom sweating as they feel kaeya and kaveh fans curse them to hell and back

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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#if u r curious abt following the saga that is my life:#i did finally accept an official offer from a school this afternoon. which is a huge relief and really exciting #and for once i think i did something that will b good for me in mind and body lol bc i think i could b happy with any of the places i #applied to but this program is most geared to my interests and its in a place where i think i can have fun due to the accessibility #of nature and the mountains haha. like at rutgers i think i could have got a good education and had a lot of opportunities but i think it #would have crushed my soul a lil bc it would b more high pressure and in the city. ya kno? so i hopefully i dont regret the choice lol #i still have to wait on the offical acceptance stuff but now at least i can allow myself to get excited abt the potential project and start #researching. which i mean ill have 5yrs of a phd for that but idk im excited and my life feels so empty and meaningless rn ive gotta take #the excitement where i can haha #anyway housing is gonna b a bitch bc there arent a lot of places available in grad student price ranges in the city to the point where they #said so in the official offer rip. and i have to decide when im leaving the southwest bc i could stay til August or leave in july and take #like a whole almost 2 months to just not b doing anything for a sec. and my dad was like !!! u could go to the crazy state parks #or drive out to the pacific northwest! and that would b amazing but also that sounds so scary to do on my own lol #like i dont wanna b missing and murdered as a youngish non guy traveling alone #but i could do it if i tried im sure. anyway i just wanted to let yall kno #bc im so doom and gloom on here all the time but a transition period is looming so im only stuck here for a few more months #and hopefully itll b a page turn into a happier place haha #watch out yellowstone cyanobacteria. im coming for u >:-]#knock on wood. ya kno. just in case #hhhh at least i can breathe a lil better now i have a direction #unrelated

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homophyte · 1 year

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it is interesting to me that ive seen lately (n yknow this is subjective and likely not any real social force just what ive seen) many queer people simultaneously talking about taking back and embodying unpalatable and ‘unmarketable’ queerness (the recent return to the terms faggot and transsexual come to mind) which i think is pretty evidently shaped by the conservative moment were in of demonizing queer ppl and especially gnc and trans people as predators--it reads as a return to queer isolationism in the face of external hostility, imo--while at the same time ive seen a lot of rallying around the “original” 6 stripe rainbow flag as opposed to any of the purportedly ‘factional’ flags of different queer identities, with the assumption being different identity flags divide us while the rainbow flag encompasses everyone and its kinda fascinating to me bc the rainbow flag is probably the single most marketable and palatable and uncontroversial symbols of queerness which has been seamlessly uptaken by those who wish to sell it back to us as gets pointed out every pride month with all the cringey pride merch.... i dunno you could maybe take that as a point of hypocrisy and claim the queer community is itself in a conservative moment rn where its returning to a sense of history and historical continuity (perhaps even out of that sense of external threat) or even that the queer community has for some time been in a conservative moment given the like, decade of identity discourse and lashing out at any people deemed to not have a sufficiently established history or however we should categorize the bihets/ace discourse/transtrender-tucute discourse/pan discourse/bi lesbians discourse (because lets be frank its essentially all the same discourse just keeping up its momentum by leapfroging from one target to the next) which i think is, like, SOMEWHAT true but not entirely? its more interesting to me, in any case, as an expression of a conflict the queer community is facing given that current state of affairs RE antitransness and that very recent history. like, the simultaneous need to retreat to a safe sense of community which is welcoming to the very things the outer world is demonizing ie mutable gender, complex or contradictory experiences of gender, gender expression which is hostile to the cis binary, but also the ways in which it has to grapple with those discourses which have largely defined the community infighting for again the past decade. its queer people begging the question ‘how can we make the queer community welcoming to the girlfags and genderfucks and tboys who are being threatened when we have spent so much time making the queer community a hostile place for anyone with a non-conventional or not easily (or even just palatably) sortable sense of queer identity’. and the answer it seems to be grappling with at the moment is like, welcoming all that diversity of experience but being absolutely averse to naming it. yes we love all the fuckery with gender and sexuality never be marketable but like, ew, why are you calling yourself [insert microlabel here]. you can be genderweird but you cant call yourself genderweird. you can only exist as queer in the broadest possible way (the all-inclusive gay pride flag!) but if you try to name the specifics or use those identity labels weve been fighting over for years youre doing it wrong (the progress pride flag is now ugly and cringey and ‘too much’). i think theres something also to the way (at least on this site) transmisogynistic discourses have really taken hold as legitimate (though yknow i wont downplay how much a problem transmisogyny has like. always been in queer spaces no matter what) in the name of protecting n defending trans people. like its just regurgitated transmisogyny but its being mobilized supposedly in the service of helping trans people. idk its definitely getting a little late for me to string this together fully coherently but theres a throughline there, in the ways certain ideas are being consolidated and reified as ‘yes were more progressive now!’ when i think theres definitely something to question there in terms of like...are we? are we actually? are we doing better by the people were trying to help or are we setting strict standards and forcing ppl to adhere to them again?

#myposts #this is long and honestly probably Nothing #i dont even really have a way of proving its the same group of people saying both things except fro anecdotally seeing it #and even thats not proof either is a real social force with like power. i could be entirely wrong on every count here #but i do think theres something to the idea that like #as ive seen said #yknow 'ace discourse never ended you all just accepted ace people didnt deserve support and then moved on w those views internalized'#i think thats more broadly true for like. all those discourses i mentioned. and for the transmisogyny i alluded to #but honestly i dont even want to name the specific phenomenon im talking abt there bc those people. scare me.#but yknow ill say it ive felt way more pressure lately to not call myself pan than i did at the height of pan discourse #before it became cringe to care about it and instead of actively shitting on pan ppl we moved on to passively doing it #ive largely started just. calling myself bi to avoid the arguement. which i predicted i would have to do years ago #and now look at me doing it! not really a fluke that its happening now. i think #which isnt to say were moving 'backwards' per se but that these ideas are not now and never have been really challenged #so weve just internalized their logics--reactionary logics--and its having an interesting effect now that we need a progressive community #for our safety.#now we cant say anything about it because to bring it up is jeopardizing everything weve built and the people were keeping safe!#cause we dont count as people deserving of safety were disruptors who only belong when we dont make noise. idk. or thats how i feel #again i dont really know if this is true at all im more just...thinking through it i think #basically like what im seeing--i think--comes from simultaneously that need to be unmarketable in the face of hostility #coming into conflict with a decade of momentum to make queers solely marketable. and i think thats producing some interesting--but sucky #--discourses in the current moment #last disclaimer that i might and am likely totally wrong! okay lauren out. post send *nervous sweating*

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