#and im just rly upset about that

[chibi-scone]

Still can’t wrap my head around how Izzy shooting Ed was supposed to symbolize him “breaking up with Blackbeard” and have them go through that whole thing at the beginning of the season, to have Izzy be the one who tells Ed to follow what makes him happy, and have Izzy’s whole arc be about who he is without Blackbeard just for the finale to turn around and say that Izzy had to die because he was half of Blackbeard and that Ed couldn’t fully let go of Blackbeard otherwise.

#by all accounts it doesn't make sense #Izzy stopped caring about Blackbeard when he stopped following Ed’s orders and started going with the crew #when he told Ed he wouldn’t kill him #he had his figurative death when he tried to shoot himself and Blackbeard had his literal death when the crew killed him #when he’s fucking doing his whole speech saying that piracy isn’t about glory or fame it’s about the community it’s about the crew #the fact that they said that they just didn’t know what else to do with Izzy’s arc so dying was the best conclusion is INSANE to me #like im so hung up on this #blackbeard WAS us #YEAH WAS #dont get me started on how izzy used his fk dying breath to take the blame for everything just protecting others til the very end uh #izzy hands #him telling ed that the crew loves him and then he just....leaves #bitch the crew LOVED YOU #the whole “blackbeard was us i needed him” does gut me a little bit tho ngl like oof can yall stop being tragic for 2secs 😔 #anywayyyyy sorry if im being rly negative i dont want to be truly im just upset #it’s like I understand what they were going for but when you put it next to everything that’s happened it’s like ….idk #“izzy keeps the story of Blackbeard alive by being alive!!” and ed doesnt ??? #hes literally the face of Blackbeard #so he gets to change and grow and become something else and live as that but izzy cant? #you cannot kill a whole by just getting rid of half #izzy was moving past Blackbeard i just what the fuck is UP #“its cause ed is the mc and izzy is just the side character there to be a device for his growth” #ok well then dont have that characters whole motivation be about actualizing himself as his own person for a whole season #ofmd critical #ofmd

[jinstronaut]

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

#and i might do it again bc its just #a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc #which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow #it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag #people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just #so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what #like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao #and it never ever used to #but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly #or whatever the make believe rules are idk #this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus #bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community #and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit #bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were #i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year #but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad #once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care #ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control #i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile #and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be #a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion #so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao #why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things???? #i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just #ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand #so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time #but yeah anyways idk ! #be nice its so easy ! #tbd

[ghosttotheparty]

ok i wasn’t gonna say anything but this has been itching me; i was on ops side until they said steddie writers that write fem steve are just writing self inserts and i’m just…

if i wanted to write a self insert, i would write a self insert. but i’m not. i project onto some characters yes, but no fem character is rly anything like me because i’m trans masc, and tend to not relate to fem characters in regards to their femininity. when i write fem characters, they are *characters* that i’m writing.

also a queer man being feminine is not heteronormative. because no matter how feminine he is, he is still a queer man. his femininity does not take away from his queerness, and it is offensive and harmful to say it does. and even if in some fics hes written as a woman, whether cis or trans, it doesn’t fucking matter. if it bothers you, don’t read it. ao3 has a lovely tagging system to avoid what you don’t like, and you are responsible for the content you consume. don’t make it our fucking problem.

#i usually am not one to get involved in discourse (and i don’t think i’m rly involved now im just talking to the void honestly) #but oh my god #i have been so upset about this #might delete later #also might write steve as a woman when my hiatus is over just out of spite #just me talking

[redstrewn]

Part of me is team "leander is like that to everyone" bc he also plans to recruit MC into his Bloodhounds in the future ("not yet"). Despite knowing the Bloodhounds for years he isn't close to them. Makes me think he ups the charm and seduction to anyone who may be of use to him to get them to pledge their allegiance.

#his jealousy could be because he wants this power to be something he owns and not be taken away by anyone else #the emotional exclusivity (from touch) is a bonus to his egotistical nature #but idk...who knows..... #it just doesnt make sense for me that he instantly holds genuine affection just because of touch. because what about all #the other people he knows aside from the other LIs who have left him? why would MC be special other than what their power could #do for him and how their touch boosts his ego? #love at first sight doesnt exist in a world like this. but maybe obsession is. #redstrewn leandering #youre telling me not ONE person has been tender with him in all these years? while he acts like THAT??? #i dont believe it #“love will never end” in the audio files is the only thing that is standing in the way of this theory of mine. but maybe it's one-sided. #if this is too upsetting feel free to ignore me im just projecting my emotional defense pessimism onto this character #it simply makes no sense to me that being the one exclusively touched is what makes him genuinely in love #it simply makes no sense to me that this is the first time hes been treated tenderly #i have met too many ppl like him #they make u feel sooo special and then SIKE it never rly mattered who u are. just what u could do for them #the difference is hes hot and big and buff and has no regard for the laws of his universe and will inevitably eat shit #ofc im hooked. i wanna see him eat shit. also kiss him #ofc this is a ROMANCE game and hes still a love interest. but i think his true romantic feelings might come later

[dreamlogic]

quietly getting more & more annoyed at my housemate & her bf as the evening goes on. thought they were at his house this weekend but they showed up unexpectedly to have loud sex here, left for a little bit, came back in the middle of a fight, and are now watching tv really loudly in between continuing to totally-not-fight-everything's-FINE.

#ctxt #shit chat #they're both rly nice people who genuinely love each other a lot & have been together like 7 years #but in the time i've known them they just keep playing out the same maladaptive patterns together and it's painful to watch #one of them will be irritable for some reason and snap at the other; other responds by airing a deep-seated grievance they've been sittin on #and instead of just. having a conflict about it to its conclusion to resolve the issue they just both fall over themselves apologizing #and spend several hours being really touchy & reactive to little things but overwhelmingly gentle/reassuring/affectionate #person A: *snaps* im sorry baby i didn't mean it i'm just stressed i love you so much can i do anything for you? #person B: no no my love you're fine i'm not mad i understand can i do anything for YOU you're so special i care about you so much #*make out in the kitchen about it a bit. swap roles rinse & repeat* #like i know turning towards a loved one after conflict instead of giving them the cold shoulder is a sign of emotional maturity #and is generally a healthy communication habit #but like. you gotta actually HAVE the conflict first instead of glossing over it the minute difficult emotions come up??? #and when they get in these loops i really think they should just. agree on a mutual time out to do their own thing for a day #calm down sort themselves out and then come back together to mend things #instead of just reflexively drawing closer together immediately to try and smother discontent #which just results in them still being upset and now tripping over each other bumping elbows exacerbating things #while being obnoxiously saccharine to cover it up #i mean. 7 yrs is nothing to sneeze at but imo this is. not a sustainable way of relating & building a life together #and it sucks to watch it play out. reminds me of my parents who were blissfully incompatible in a similar way for like 30 years #before it finally blew up spectacularly with a lot of collateral damage earlier this year.

[leecherish]

whatever, can everyone go and be all niceys to me please

#cw alcohol #sad bc had to leave friend's bday party early due to Getting So Drunk #so now im hungover n feeling all sad and volatile and also tummy hurts and am anxious about skipping todays lectures #also i got upset bc a person ive never met (but is friends with the afforementioned friend and is in their discord) was mean to me #but apparently he wasnt even mean im just insecure and way too sensitive and misinterpret the tone bc of an emoji. #i fucking hate my life!!!! why did i have to drink that much!!!! #im 25 this isnt fun anymore!!! #i could have stayed and watched lord of the rings with them but nooo i had to leave #and to top it all off. Other Problems that are Bothering me and am going to therapy about #could it been the reason ive lost control to begin with? Maybe! No Idea! #shit sucks man. it rly does #tbd

[applejongho]

between a suspected comeback and jongho still being on hiatus and all of the bullshit going on w my life rn it's just so hard to exist rn lmao

#im sure all ribos feel this way but i miss him so badly and the cb annoucement rly does feel like a slap in the face to me #i dont know how people are normal w it. it upsets me so much #do u not miss him. i dont get it #do u not care about all of their health. i just want someone to explain it to me bc it's mind boggling #apple lady words #i dont rly talk about it here but it is extremely hard to watch atz content with seven. maybe that is selfish but it is just so hard #they are eight. it is painful to see one gone. and it has been more than a month of him gone. and i thought the pain would have subsided #with time #and it hasnt #and the cb is ripping off the bandaid and salting the wound #like maybe i should take a hiatus who knows

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

i feel like i'm always in a constant battle between not being obsessed enough to be taken srsly on tumblr and being too obsessed to function with irls fa;lskdjf

#im obviously talking about levi LMAO #not rly upset or anything just annoyed #kat rambles

[kasandor]

genevieve o’reilly outstanding lead actress in a drama series. to me.

#her stellan diego andy all of them #but i see no one talking about genevieve’s literally insane performace #it is so interesting to me that #all of her scenes take place in her home her car the antique store or the senate #vs cassian who is literally going back and forth between planets every few days #idk mon might be considered a supporting character here #which isnt really the point o’reilly deserves an acting nom #BUT. my point is. mon mothma is trapped #every day that goes by her ability to keep her facade up and the truth hidden gets a little harder #the conflict & tension & fear that is thinly veiled behind poise and practiced charm #and being able to portray BOTH as an actor #to be able to get that across to an audience!!???? #she is so. #ugh anyway no point being upset at the emmys lmao #i could go on about the other deserves acting noms but. we all know. #im rly rly so glad for the 8 noms they Did get #one way out for best writing yeah. yeah. #and mr. brittell. doing insane things as always #truly am just happy andor got the best drama series nom #andor #star wars #emmys 2023 #m

[piplupod]

head in my hands. i promise i am not a scary unhinged person fdsgjkl, and none of my silly happy posting is fake, i am just very good at repressing and partitioning things. i can be having the worst day of my life and still enjoy jokes and be genuinely having a good time with my silly little characters and stories i come up with. this brain LOVES to section off shit that is genuinely unbearable (because how else do you live with that? if not putting it in a place where you cannot feel it?) so that i can cope and find joy in life still fsdjkl i simply love having a good time too much to ever make it up

#pippen needs 2nd breakfast #i want to make friends and be a pleasant person to be around so badly but fhdsjkl then . this household hurts me as it is wont to do #and i have a small breakdown here bc it all feels so awful and i feel like if i keep it locked inside and hidden i will actually CrackTM #and then i feel like that is . well. understandably! a lot! for other ppl to see #and it is very upsetting and scary and awful to read. i know. im so well aware fjdskl #but also augh. augh augh augh. i try very hard to not post abt things as much as i humanly can avoid doing so #but i am very silly and fuck up my own rules for myself when i have a particularly bad experience w mother o' mine #i am worried that if i say anything to the effect of ''life is terrible and i am straight up not having a good time'' #then it makes all my other posting look disingenuous or smth. i am literally just posting what is on my brain currently when i post stuff #and oftentimes my brain is like... a silly little swirl-patterned rubber bouncy ball with a happy face on it HDSGJKL #that is like... a lot of my whole deal as a part of the brain fsdfjkl #even with all the grief and upset i can still have a good time bc we stay silly !!!! by god we stay silly through it all !!! #i will shrug my shoulders and say ''ah well what can ya do!'' after getting screamed at or told i'm a disappointment to the family lmfao #because honestly... what can you do dsfkl it is what it is and theres rly nothing i can do about this all #anyways i am talking toooooo much sorry fdsjgkl once again i will delete all this later so i dont upset ppl too much dsjkl augh augh sorry

[undefeatablesin]

Have this wip panel from page 9 of Altar because I just love Arianna to pieces and can't control my urge to talk about her all the time lol ✨️

#sin scribbles #(cries screams throws up blood etc just girly things) #(she is so special...i get genuinely upset now whenever i play bb bc i know i cant save her and it makes me SICK!!!) #(but thats what my copium aus are for dont u kno) #(decided i dont care anymore and will embrace my pencil sketches bc no matter how hard i try my lined stuff gives me frenzy buildup) #(embrace the cronch) #(hemmmmmgh pomcil) #(god.....it feels so good to work on this comic again!!!!!!!) #(i mean i say that like its been 5000 years. its been 3 weeks 😂) #(artblock + adhd just be like that tho) #(everyone on discord has probably fucken had it with me and my ability to talk for 5000000000000 days about her. sorry. not rly) #(look. is it MY fault. that she is so lovely. no ✨️) #(i am also having an immensely good time writing her for In The Reeds. im obsessed frankly.) #(well tbf enjoying writing everyone in that fic 😂) #(dont expect consistency from me when it comes to rendering/art style bc i also dont know what im doing tbh lol 💙)

[kirexa]

There's a lot of things that if you guys knew you would probably yell at me abt

#not in a mental health related way just generally #i sat through one of my finals doing absolutely nothing the whole time because i had no idea what i was supposed to do and was too #embarrassed to ask.. i genuinely listened and really tried to figure out what i was supposed to to but the intructions just made no sense in #my mind. and everyone else just knew what we were supposed to do so i didnt ask and tried to figure it out but there was no online instructi #ons at all #......this was in the class i had a 0 in #i try i just dont understand anything and its rly upsetting #im so worried about how this will effect me in the future..... #im getting taken out of that class thank fuck but. i really am worried. #and to get taken out of that class one of my classes need to be moved and its the only class i share with any of my friends and i dont want #to have no friends in any of my classes #....the problem here probly lies in the fact that i only have 2 people i would really call friends in the same grade and not class structure #ive been trying to make friends since the start of school but im too scared to and everyone already seems to know someone else and i dont #know how to make more friends... #im not shy with absolute strangers rhat i have no intentions to interact with again so why am i so scared to make friends #sorry this got really venty #vent #kirexa vents

[heartual]

ogh.

#🍄.txt #this is so dumb but am i being too sensitive about someone forgetting my birthday #like someone being my best friend of ten years where this is out of the norm for her #she’s texting me like normal now and im so confused #i rly need to stop placing so much importance on birthdays because i feel like i just set myself up for disappointment but alas #like i don’t even wanna bring it up because it was yesterday #i’m worried it’ll just come off like im only bringing it up to guilt trip her or something #but like im also upset about it because my birthday is….. a little important to me i must admit #this is saur dumb. like is she gonna be upset i didn’t say anything if she realizes? i have a headache #me vs not being overly sensitive about everything ever #23 is already weird i need to go back 👈🏻 #at my big age. ogh

[rowanhoney]

Nearly finished watching Gilmore girls. Logan is making paella . I wanna scream at him to stop stirring the paella!!!!!

#let it sit broooooo ur gonna ruin it #I’ve actually had a few Spaniards make me bad paella #my abuela got rly upset when her nephew came over from Andorra #cos his girlfriend kept stirring the paella #also added too much water #I had some can confirm it was not good #Im glad that our family recipe is a good one that’s all I can say #oh no #rory just said in paella there’s chicken sausage and shrimp #no there’s not😭😭😭😭😭 #sorry im very particular about paella and I will get mad #I only eat paella marinera but my tío kept rabbits. like. as livestock. for paella #so i will absolutely be mad if it’s wrong