#and im saying it now so i actually do it. look deeper. theres so much there within all of these volleyboys

[grossditz]

dummification with jebewon? love ur works btw🫶

hello sweetie ! sorry this took a bit but i hope you enjoy <3

hanbin loves dumbing you down without laying a finger on you! his light touches are enough to make your head spin, already on your knees and listening to his every word. stroking your hair and smiling at you innocently while his intentions were far from that! he treats you like you're dumb :( "showing" you how to open your mouth but really he's forcing it open with his fingers and "showing" you how to make daddy feel good by forcing his big big cock in your mouth and using you :( grabbing fistfuls of your hair and pushing you farther down his cock! its so messy n wet you can only listen to him and let him guide you <3 you feel so stupid already having his creamy milk dripping down your throat and pooling out the sides :( hes so sweet though you can never tell if hes being nice or mean, saying things like, "stupid mutts always take any cock they see." and "my puppy is so pretty getting stuffed full.” or when youre dumbly looking up at him, face all messy he can't help but to force more cum into your mouth going, “stop staring before I cum all over your pathetic face.” T_T u just can never tell with hanbin but you know for sure you can't ever remember a single thing after hes done with you <3

jiwoong is so mean :( making you needy by teasing you all day and then making you do all the work later :( his hands gripped tightly onto your waist, guiding you on his cock going, “baby wanted to be split open all day long and now she can’t even do it herself can she?” hes so condescending n u cant even understand what he means bcs his tip is kissing your cervix so good n your head is cloudy. only thing you can get out is pleas for him to help you T_T but like i said hes so mean asking you “what are you begging for? you already have my cock stuffed in you, what more could you possibly want?” his words is so numbing, voice so deep you choke on whatever words you had gathered up :( calls you a dummy for forgetting so easily just bcs of his cock !!!!!!!!!!!

hao is so <333 never getting over him being a mean dom !!!!! hes just so ruthless. theres no other way to put it! he knows he can make you feel dumb just from his words and pairing that with his cock? hes so mean. slapping you around and going, "what? baby can't talk?" when you're stuttering over your sentences T_T and edging you so bad you genuinely can't force a response out without breaking down and begging for him incoherently! holding onto your hips while the tip of his cock is bullying your womb and telling you to say "you only need him" but everything is already fuzzy so you whimper and hold onto him :( thats never gonna be good enough for haohao so he's pulling his cock out and tapping it against your clit :( you nearly cum just from his heavy cock hitting just the right places! crying and trying to pull him back in but hes waiting for a actual response from you :( going "stupid pup, getting all dumb over a couple of thrusts." im so sorry but he so calls you a bitch sometimes too omg

i can't express enough how much matthew loves getting you soo cock drunk and feeling so stupid to the point you can't even try to comprehend a single thing coming out of his mouth :( only thing u can do is nod and claw at him for more :( and he knows you're out of it bcs your eyes r so watery staring back at him. its not his fault he just cant help pressing you deeper into the bed, going "s' okay baby. close your eyes. matts gonna take care of you." and it doesnt even matter bcs your eyes r already fluttering close and your mouth is wide open, and he loves it bcs he can do anything to you and you couldn't even fight him back :( pressing his tongue against yours and calling you his dumb dumb whore :(

i need to get this out im sorry but taerae probably makes you feel stupid just from his tongue :( he always has your thighs over his shoulders, sucking you all up! tongue fucks you too :( holding your hips down and tonguing at your rim, prodding and dipping in until you're babbling and arching up against him. just the way he sounds so obscene so messy, coating spit at your hole makes you whince. squirming around and whimpering bcs you desperately need more of him and his tongue is so far down your ass its too much but not enough!!!! and to add on he occasionally presses his nose against your clit, knowing it gets you sooo wet you start dripping liquid (im sorry piss again im obsessed) and he doesnt stop, only pulling away when he feels your body go limp and your eyes are all over the place. so mean :( pushing his fat tip at your entrance and going, "all dumb and helpless. can't ask taerae to fuck you can you baby?"

there is no way ricky ever treats you in a mean way unless you provoke him! he loves you too much to do anything other than treat you like a princess <3 and that follows into sex obviously!!! but hes so soft n never letting the night end until his princess cums more than 4 times :( its only normal you go absolutely stupid forgetting everything except his name and the feeling of his mouth, hands or cock. telling you how “you’ve been such a good girl for me lately.” and how you deserve to he treated extra special T^T pressing sweet kisses on your neck while his fingers violate your cunt. all of your words come out pleadingly :( you feel so full just with his fingers. the pad of his thumb moving to lazily rub circles into your clit simultaneously and it has you gasping in his arms and clamping around his fingers. tells you how you're the ”prettiest dummy" hes ever had the pleasure to use <33 and his voice vibrates against your skin, the praise goes straight to your core and makes your brain go haywire. you can’t help but let your brain turn to mush at his words and actions. mindlessly, attempting to fuck his hand. “don’t tell me you’ve already gone dumb on me, princess.” he speaks so slow so easy for you to grasp but you just cant :( humming and nodding your head when he speeds up :(

gyuvin taking out his frustration on you >>> already its so mind numbing! i know he is so brutal using you when hes upset for the day!!! so upset as soon as he gets home he's pushing you against the wall and pulling your panties down :( bruising clasp on your hips when he forces you to arch back for him :( his thrusts are hard and shallow, hitting every spot he needs to. you don't comprehend what's happening at all, his motions being too much you feel dizzy, mind buzzing while the knot builds up in your stomach. pulling on his wrists and asking him to slow down but he isn't even listening to you at this point :( he sees only red! n you cum all around him but hes not even close to being finished! but youre so sensitive and your words are garbled as you sob into your hands. gyuvin really doesnt realize that hes fucked you beyond limits :( smiling when you stop fighting bcs you're so stupid and all you can do is physically let him have his way </3

#hanbin ୨୧ #jiwoong ୨୧ #hao ୨୧ #matthew ୨୧ #taerae ୨୧ #ricky ୨୧ #gyuvin ୨୧ #zb1 smut #zerobaseone smut #zb1 hard hours #zerobaseone hard hours #zb1 hard thoughts #boys planet smut #sung hanbin smut #hanbin smut #kim jiwoong smut #jiwoong smut #zhanghao smut #matthew smut #seok matthew smut #kim taerae smut #taerae smut #ricky smut #kim gyuvin smut #gyuvin smut

[enzoarweq]

(im talking about the characters q!, not the cc!)

imo no one else seems to understand the landduo/foolhalo relationship is much much deeper than "he's a friend who annoys me and i love to annoy him" or "they are secretly in love" in fact i might be as bold as to say NO ONE does till this day. which is pretty funny how they understand and notice the littlest things about each other but no one can see their deep bond despite that... tho to be fair Bad has said multiple times that he praises Foolish till high heaven from his skills, smarts, to his good looks but he would never ever admit it or say it to his face. (he RARELY does actually so when it happens, we all cheer and die) same for foolish.

Jaiden, who is probably one of the closest to Foolish rn said recently no one else takes Foolish srsly or that they are like outcasts of the island or that no one cares for Leo (para). and im like um theres literally Bad who cares a lot for Foolish and Leo. and has said multiple times that he is much more intelligent than ppl have granted him to be (but ofc she doesn't know, she doesn't know the early moments where they would hang out together almost all the time, constant banter, she doesn't know of THE convo where Bad literally for his advice and was treating and talking to him like two gamemasters in equal footing talking about the games they will play, she doesn't know should anything happen to Bad, he left Dapper in Foolish's care, Foolish constantly leaves Leo in Bad's care, she doesn't know that Leo loves and adores his Tio Bad, she doesn't know a lot of their "true hidden" relationship/sides, she doesn't know how easy Foolish can read Bad like an open book like that mine roulette game which i think she participated but not when both bad and foolish were playing iirc etc etc) not to mention theres also Roier who cares a lot for Leo and vice versa and constantly thinks about her (but this post about foolhalo so i digress)

There was also that moment with Bagi and Tubbo where they were like go ahead and cage Foolish or smtg. like daring Bad to do it. Bad was like aww thats no fun, its boring (cuz yk theres no song and dance, theres no arguing back n forth, it was just that). so when foolish shows up and bad was like hey could u step in ig *shrugs* Foolish was like urgh ok ig. I still remember Bagi's and Tubbos reaction, they were like mildly surprised. like ok what now. Bagi then said to Foolish, hey Bad is insane. Foolish then replied, yeah i fcking knew that already (in a so what tone) and again, Bagi seemed slightly taken aback. Tubbo then went on a rant about them being in love or smtg idk.

or the time when Bad would make a torture chamber for Foolish which he willingly went along cuz why not. and ppl were making angst about it as if Foolish didn't just walk into the torture chamber willingly to play a fun torture game with Bad smh.

also the time when Foolish was hiding his hurt over Leo's absence but Bad knew deep inside he feels deeply. that time where Foolish will run away from everyone else when confronted about his feelings but finally stood silently besides Bad in comfort, instead of a hug. (wasn't Jaiden there for that?)

--

theres soooo many foolhalo landduo moments where so many fans just blatantly ignore, like they have selective memory. genuinely confuses me everytime, like are we even watching the same POV.

theres also a lot of moments where ppl were gen mad at bad for the pranks n shit, like its 2023 ppl, we've been thru with this already in dsmp, do better pls. (ik them be new fans but still urgh)

#qsmp #q!badboyhalo #q!foolish #landduo #foolhalo #rambling

[agirlwithglam]

how to develop self love and confidence

— a step by step guide by yours truly ♥

disclaimer!! for some people it can take a lot longer to love themselves than others, so don't be discouraged if it takes a bit longer. just remember that no matter what you think, you ARE WORTHY OF LOVE.

step 1: identifying the root cause

first you need to find WHY you dont love yourself. it usually comes down to these main reasons:

society

your looks

comparison

your abilities

childhood trauma

your current situations

it can be just one or more than one, and sometimes it may not be as simple as "my looks", sometimes you may have to dig deeper.

for me, it was because i thought i was "ugly"

step 2: once you know the WHY, research about the topic and try and solve it.

here ive broken down the 6 reasons to help you a bit: (but remember that this is just a small break down, if you want you can research more about the topic & try to battle it)

society: society has tricked us into believing that loving yourself is considered 'vain' or 'narcissistic'. let me tell you right now that THAT IS NOT TRUE. loving yourself is a basic necessity that everyone should have!!

your looks: this is something i struggled with for a loong time. remember that beauty is subjective!! bob could think that travis looks 'average' but Leo could think that travis looks absolutely gorgeous!! ☆ so how did i overcome this? i actually 'glowed up'. bc the main thing i didnt like was face- my teeth to be specific. so once i got braces, my teeth aligned and i started looking so much better. ☆ other struggles: ↴ for you if it may be acne, then you could start trying to take care of your skin better. or if its body image then if you reeeeally dont like it then literally just start working out. if you have the option to yet you still dont then dont complain. but remember that ALL BODIES ARE PERFECT. ★ another thing that helped me a lot was affirmations! i listened to a bunch of affirmations -> i used this video by thewizardliz and it did wonders! (you can also search up on yt self-love/ beauty affirmations)

comparison: for most people comparison comes from social media right? the simple solution to this would be unfollow accounts that dont serve you, or delete/ set a time limit on the social media platform "but what if i compare myself to people i meet in real life?" well we can't exactly unfollow or delete these people but what we can do is turn that jealousy (yes, jealousy) into inspiration! be inspired by the people with greater lives and use that to pull yourself forward! ☆ a quote that i read once (that may or may not help you) : "do not compare your chapter 1 to someone else's chapter 50." you never know what the other person has gone through or is going through that got them to this point!

your abilities: okay theres not much i can say here except that you can learn almost everything online nowadays. stop complaining and get off your lazy butt to prove to yourself just how much potential you have! (but don't beat yourself up for being a lazy butt, im one as well) here is a link to a TON of stuff you can learn online!

childhood trauma: this is a bit of a more delicate subject which i do not know a lot on, my best suggestion would be to just go to therapy (or use an online therapy app- betterhelp). - watching thewizardliz may help as well as she might know more about the topic.

your current situation: whether its trouble with friends, at school, at work, or with family i promise you that these things do not last forever. humans were not put on earth to be unhappy and miserable! (whats the point in that?) my advice is to learn more about the topic (for ex i was struggling with being left out w friends for a while and it did hurt a bit) and see what you can do to fix it or at least make the best out of it. + another reminder that you can use the law of assumption- in basic words the law states that whatever you desire, you have. all you need to do is accept that. heres a quote i read: "if you dont like where you are,, then move. you aint a tree." this is literally YOUR life. RESPECT yourself and dont let people treat you bad because that is disrespecting yourself!

step 3: focus on yourself!!

my favourite step!!

this is your sign to stop focussing on others' lives and start focussing on your own.

when you start to focus on yourself, up level yourself and try to become your best version of yourself, you actually end up falling in love with that version of yourself, and your current version!

ask yourself: is there even something to love?

ask yourself: would you want to date or be friends with someone like you? think actually deep about this; if your answer is no, then that obviously means that there is some work to do.

if you're constantly negative and complaining and rude all the time, trust me, literally no ones gonna want to hang out with you. and then you'll adopt that 'victim mindset' of "nobody likes me and i suck". instead of doing that, why dont you try to just suck a bit less? there isn't any pressure on you to become amazing the next day, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.

small things/habits to start:

gratitude

hydration

exercising

journalling

meditation

eating healthy

developing a skill

get enough sleep

take cold showers

taking care of your skin

invest in your appearance

focussing on school/ your grades

go outside! go for walks, be in nature!

changing what you consume (resources below)

some resources that helped me SO MUCH:

♡ thewizardliz

♡ tam kaur

♡ persephone's mind

and meditation! its so extremely underated but SO VALUABLE.

xoxo, vanilla

#agirlwithglam🎀✨ #it girl tips💗💋 #vanilla self improvement⭐️ #self love #it girl #girlblog #confidence #self improvement #self validation #self worth #self love guide #that girl #girlblogging #that girl tips #it girl tips #it girl energy #confidence guide #confidence tips

[what-reader-we-r-illiterate]

Cw: nsft, overstimulation, eating the hamato boys out, worth noting in all of these they can either be dubcon, or assume theres a safeword, or assume that the genetically engineered supersoldier killing machines arent throwing u across the room be they dont want to. Apologies for neglecting Donnie a bit I'll write about him more throughly in the future <3 my favs fluctuate depending on the day. Also pain/impact play on genitals bc :3. And crying. Mwah

Im just saying it would be fun to eat one of their plump tail slits out until they're sobbing and pushing you off and squirming to get away because it's too much they can't cum anymore

I feel like Donnie? Would put up a fight and try to brat probably smack you at least once before you smack his pretty cunt and shove him back down, he'd ultimately go nonverbal and let out those choked throaty moans and high pitched ah! He does, trying so hard to stay still, eventually breaking and arching his back, wrapping his thighs around you, tapping and signing 'too much no more please mama/daddy' or whatever he can think of to appease you. If you call him a good boy and praise him for being brave though he will try so, so hard to not struggle. He wants to be praised and good and has SUCH a huge mommy/daddy kink and praise kink because of yes. You can train him so easily with flattery and cooing over how beautiful and obedient he is, what a good job he's doing, how you're so proud of him for being so brave!

Mikey would be giggly at first i fully believe that if he's approached by somebody unless he feels patronized he doesn't bother bratting or pushing them away, he's happy to take physical care and affection. He's letting out the sweetest little moans with his warm, raspy voice, making little jokes, playing with your hair. Then he cums.

And you don't stop.

So he's laughing and thanking you but saying that's enough, he's a bit sensitive now. You ignore him, burying your face deeper into his chubby slit, lapping up his slick like it's your favorite meal. It probably is. His hands tense, his fingers curl into your hair and he tries to tug you off. His laughter fades, replaced by his breath hitching, his pretty eyes tearing up, and he managed to stay pretty still for the first round but now he has all that pent up energy and is overstimulated so he's squirming under you, arching his back, crying out your name.

Your hands are going to leave marks from how tightly they're gripping his soft thighs, forcing them to stay open as he squeals and whimpers under you, his hands yank on your hair, pulling you closer in hopes the counterpressure will help. It doesn't. He sobs, tears running down his cheeks as he tries to look down at you and beg for mercy, before throwing his head back to cum a second time, a third. He probably sobs something about you being mean, how this is NOT nice. You take a break for a few seconds to ask if it feels good when you make him cum over and over. He glares down at you with all the spite in his adorable little self and says no. You inform him that you know he's lying, and good boys don't lie if they want to be listened to. Honestly, he should know better. Healthy open communication is important. You make him describe how it feels out loud as you make him cum four more times, biting or sucking just a bit too hard on his poor clit when his voice breaks and trails off into nonsensical moans. Eventually he slips up and calls you something embarrassing, something he's been holding back for months. You make him cum one last time, scoop him up into your arms, and carry him off for a bubble bath and lots of cuddles and hydration.

(I imagine he is SoooO stubborn about admitting he wants to call you any type of mommy daddy sir maam ect be if baby boy hates anything its being seen as just little and being patronized but he'll make an exception bc a: hot and b: if u actually respect him he'll let that guard down)

Leo has so many damn fronts he puts up he almost loses himself. As with everything regarding Leo, getting him to be vulnerable is so fucking difficult. You have to be open, let him in, be gentle, and when you do push him to be honest, don't let up. You need an answer out of him. It doesn't need to be the answer you want. But you need an answer.

He won't give it to you. He hums and jokes and dances around it. You eventually decide to just get it out of him. He's kicking his feet, reading a comic book on his bed when you pull his shorts down, nip at his tail, tease him for wagging it so hard already, flip him over, and start eating him out lazily.

He's happy to tease back at first, smug, bright cheery tone ringing out as he chatters endlessly, even as he gets close and cums he's talking. His moan is too much like a porn star, practiced. Performative. It sounds a bit different the second time.

Third time and he's laughing nervously, pushing you off as best he can. You grab his waist, pull him further into you. His quips fracture into whimpers and breath hitching.

You are goddamn determined to make him cry. You need an answer, sure, but he needs emotional release more. You let his thighs squeeze around your head, his hands are slapped when they try to pull you away, so he grabs the sheets and writhes under you, rutting his hips up into your mouth despite himself. It takes so long to get him to cry, cumming hurts at that point. Your face and the bed are drenched with his slick, your tongue shoved in as deep as it'll go as he actually moans, actually cries out, as tears finally make their way across his gorgeous crescent markings.

He went limp a few orgasms ago, now he just twitches under you, whimpering your name. You haven't asked in a week, but you get the answer you want. You eat him out awhile longer, just to make sure he gets enough emotional release, then sit up and pull him into your arms, kissing his markings and wiping his tears, pulling a blanket over both of you as you rock gently. The euphoria he feels after crying is more than worth it, he thanks you over and over before falling asleep in your arms.

(V self indulgent sorry all. Also leo walks in but it isnt test dw cuties i wont terrorize yall with that here)

Raph is amicable to whatever you want, very raised eyebrow, 'huh okay i'll try it' with a wry smile. He loves eating you out, fucking you, domming is kind of expected from the partner that's three times as big.

The first time you guide him to lie down on his back, he assumes you're going to have him drop so you can ride him, the (or if he's trans like yours truly, he's just confused, looking up at you with the sweetest puzzled smile, it's a weird angle to be eating you out but okay then.) He reaches to pick you up and help you sit on his face, excited to bury his snout in you, or reaches down to make himself drop. You kiss his hands, gently place one of them on the back of your head, and lick up his slit with your broad tongue, drawing a yelp out of him, before your bury your face in his cunt, soft thighs tensing around you already, he's scared of crushing you so he holds them open. You finally get to hear him whimper instead of grunt, the dirty talk and low voice he usually feels obligated to use is gone, high pitched whines taking it's place. He falls apart immediately, hands flitting between his thighs and your head, scared of hurting you, the fear leaves as you hum into him and he cums hard, forcing you deeper into him, thighs pressed against his hands as he rides out his orgasm. You have to check on him before continuing because he's sobbing so damn loud, it takes a minute to figure out he's saying "no, more please" as in 'no, i'm fine, please, please keep going.' You oblige, and no matter how much he wants it it's a lot, he's fighting the urge to push you away, squirming and panting under you no matter how slowly and gently you take it, poor sensitive boy. He's literally screaming by the fourth orgasm (Leo portals in, takes one look, snorts, portals right back out). Eventually he pulls you off, crying 'no more no more' then regretting it, you tell him he tastes so good, there's so much slick left dripping from his pretty cunt, can't you just clean it up? He holds his thighs open, trembling, soothed by your words as you take breaks to explain how this is so good for you, he's being such a good boy letting you be selfish and taste him as long as you want. Raph doesn't know what to do when you offer to do things for him, it feels weird, he doesn't like it. But he'll do anything for you. And if you making him cum until he screams makes you happy, and is actually for you, he'll let you do it forever. When he's a trembling mess, near passing out, you promise you'll be right back. You walk out and return with snacks, drinks, and a warm washcloth and towel. He's cleaned up, dried off, cooed over and brought his favorite plushies, you watch whatever he wants on his laptop under a million blankets and cover him in kisses and praise as his tail wags.

#rottmnt nsft #dubcon #rise donnie x reader #rise mikey x reader #rise raph x reader #rise leo x reader #chubby mikey #chubby raph #i die for them #overstim kink

[mugentakeda]

i just loveeeee the idea that there was a big gap of understanding between lu ten and iroh the same way theres a big gap of understanding between zuko and iroh. mistakes that iroh didnt realize he made with his son he then also made with his nephew and still not realizing it. a whole world of things about lu ten that iroh didnt know about, and will never know about. im gonna talk about it though because i am insane so look away from my cringe

lu ten had gone to his father with problems before, and iroh cant help but wonder, now, if his son had ever been trying to imply deeper things in between sugarcoated words because there were things you just didnt say in the palace, and irohs head had been so far up his ass he hadnt seen it. despite it being waved practically right in his face by his son, desperate for sound advice from his father, whos brain was too waterlogged by thoughts of how he was going to pull off his next bloody conquest. like how zuko was always howling for help, hurt and confused like a cornered animal, hidden deep under his fits of rage, and irohs head was Still so far up his ass that he kept meeting zukos silent begging for straightforward guidance with convoluted proverbs. he can sit here and bury his face in his hands in shame over the sheer amount of times hed failed his nephew without realizing, and how much convincing it'll take to get his nephew to understand that yes, iroh did fail him so many times, and he couldve prevented so much suffering simply by holding himself to the same standards he held his nephew to. all those times during those three years before the avatar returned that he couldve done something. sit here and think about how sad it is that he has to even try hard to convince his nephew such a thing, how sad it is that he finally got zuko to stop seeing ozai as some all-wise god that can do no error as a father, just for zuko to start seeing iroh as some all-wise god that has done no error as an uncle. but he can at least go and do something about it. he can never do something about what he did to his son. the things he knows he did, the things he doesnt know he did, and everything in between. he will never find out what lu ten truly thought about him. he will never have that reconciliation, that silent scream of relief and violent shiver in the crook of his neck that zuko gave when iroh yanked him in close after their separation, with his lu ten. he just has to hear about his own son through word of mouth and somehow be content with that. and worst of all, its all his own and his god damned family's fault. no amount of healing and learning by trying to do right by zuko and the world he helped nearly ruin not much more than a half decade ago can act as a balm for the agony that brings him. he knows healing his guilty conscience isnt supposed to even be a reason for why he helped the avatar, but god- it's when the rationality leaves him and he realizes that this is something he cant seem to make himself be the bigger person in. he knows its his own fault, that there are hundreds- thousands, maybe- of earth kingdom sons he personally stole from earth kingdom fathers, and only gave up on his siege when the consequences of his war came into his own backyard, but he cant help it. doesnt want to help it. hes still angry and hateful anyway. his son should still be here. his son should still be here. his son should still be here. and if he tells zuko about how much he still hates himself as both an uncle and a father, zuko will definitely rush to reassure him, all the while he is chained to his desk and meetings day in and day out, fixing this uncles mistakes best he can, losing sleep and forgetting to eat. none of it will mean anything to zuko, if it means he can make his uncle feel better. and if that happens, iroh might actually vomit in front of his nephew.

#i love when characters outright refuse to heal or move on!!!! yayyy!!!!!!!!! three cheers for bitterness and hate forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #making lu ten a personality and then remembering hes lit dead so so cool. Like hes just dead. he will never come back. No plot armor #sometimes... characters having unsatisfying unhappy ends.... is the best. #THIS NIGHT HAS OPENED MY EYES.... AND I WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN........................ #HE SAID HED CURE YOUR ILLS... BUT HE DIDNT AND HE NEVER WILL.................................... #(starts vomiting blood everywhere #i should tie this with my hcs about ursa and lu ten being close cus they were left alone together in the palace a lot #and how lu ten helped shoulder a kind of deranged amount from her by basically co parenting zuko and azula with her #meanwhile ursa was a grown adult and lu ten was like . 15 #oh the curses of being the eldest sibling oh the horrors #atla

[thebestofoneshots]

WHEN I TELL YOU I SCREAMED WHEN YOU SAID I WAS A SLY FOX!?!??? GOD I LOVE THIS STORY AND THAT JUST PROVES SO MUCH THAT I WAS THINKING ABOUT!!!! IM LITERALLY SCREAMING!!!! I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! AND THE COVER FOR THE BOOK?!?!? ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS!!! ITS SO PRETTY!!! BUT ALSO I DIVED DEEPER LIKE YOU SAID I NOTICED SOME HIDDEN CLUES!!!

ok so first of all right off the bat i noticed the little fox on the bottom! but also above that is “A labyrinth of lost souls” (now i know this might be reaching but idk!) so i looked up “a labyrinth of lost souls” and immediately got a bunch of links talking about assassins creed! and i quickly read over one of the links and saw that there’s a ring involved?!?!? and i immediately thought of the ring that y/n got from her mother! but i also saw there’s another game called wizardry: labyrinth of lost souls! so that could also be what you’re talking about!!! idk if either of those are relevant but for now this is just a quick rundown of what i can gather right now!

ok next are the the little moons in the top corners with the woman sitting in them! idk what meaning you have behind them rn but what i got from them is the fact that they are not full moons and she’s sitting inside of them while it kids looks like the moon is curving into her in a way? like trying to reach to her? idk again just the vibe i’m getting! ALSO THERES STARS IN THE MOON!!! WOLFSTAR!!! not only are there stars in the moon but there’s a single star outside of the moon but also in it? with the woman! it almost looks like the woman is sitting inside the moon admiring the star!!! idk!

MOVING ON BECAUSE THIS ISNT A DEEP DIVE JUST WHAT I CAN GATHER NOW!! I WILL DO A DEEP DIVE LATER!!! OK THE CONSTELLATIONS!!! I NOTICE THREE OF THEM AND I IMMEDIATELY LOOKED UP SIRIUS’ CONSTELLATION!!! AND WHAT DID I FIND?!?!??? THATS RIGHT CANIS MAJOR!!! THAT LOOKS LIKE A DOG!!! WHICH HAS SIRIUS’ CONSTELLATION IN IT!!! and where do i see a dog like constellation?!?!? ON THE LEFT OF THE COVER!!!

i believe the constellation in the middle is cassiopeia but i could be wrong. i don’t know for sure i looked up the story and don’t see how it fits in right now but maybe later in the story? hmmm

i can’t figure out what the one on the right is but hopefully i will find out soon!!! like i said this is just be briefly looking at the cover because i got so excited and couldn’t wait!!!

OK FOR NOW THATS ALL IM GONNA TALK ABOUT I WILL FIND MORE THINGS LATER!!! BUT OMG THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!!! TO LIKE LOOK FOR LITTLE DETAILS!!! ALSO THE WHOLE PRIZE THING?!?!??? I SCREAMED OMG!!! I WOULD ACTUALLY KILL TO BE A CHARACTER IN YOUR STORY!!! ITS LITERALLY AMAZING!!!! AND I HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO SAY BUT I NEED TO GET TO BED BUT JUST KNOW IM IN LOVE WITH YOUR WRITING AND EVERYTHING YOU DO ITS AMAZING!!!!

OK LOVE YA BYE!!!!

Tinny little fun fact so you don’t rack your brain over this one: Labyrinth of Souls was actually my second top option for naming Gilded Constellations, I wanted it to have a very David Bowie-esque vibe which is why Labyrinth (literally from the movie The Labyrinth, was just perfect, but I felt it was too corny (especially when the first iteration was Labyrinth of Hearts) that I went for Gilded Constellations instead.

Gilded being inspired by Golden Years from Bowie, and constellations because our babies are our moon and stars. In Spanish we have a word that’s “Astros” which roughly translates to “all the things in the sky” but there is no cool version of it in English so constellations it was in the end.

Aaaalso, theories are so freaking fun, I thought I’d let you guys run with them, so I’m helping you recruit some of my other readers, especially the ones that always approach me with theories since I feel like you could have lots of fun together theorizing over the cover: @moonyunebi @starchaser-lily @blacksgarden @loving-and-dreaming @imdoingbetternow (no pressure btw)

Lovelies, this is a follow up to this post, and I’m also adding the cover here again for your convenience ♡

But in short, I was telling Comet that I had designed this cover and that is just as filled with easter eggs, foreshadowing and secrets, as the story itself… So you may or may not find clues for the story here ☆

Also taking this chance to invite everyone who has not sent questions for the future Q&A, to send as many as you want ૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡

Lastly, there will be a mini contest later on, so Comet will not be the only one receiving a price, stay tuned, and send in all your theories…

Ps, That’s not Cassiopeia, perhaps you should look closer to where the swans swim…

Ps2, thanks for the rose and love kit, you’re lovely ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱₊˚⊹

#one shot #imagine #oneshot #moony #marauders x reader #sirius black #sirius x reader #padfoot #marauders x you #the marauders x y/n #gilded constellations #wolfstar x you #wolfstar x reader #wolfstar x y/n #moony x y/n #moony x you #moony x reader #sirius x you #sirius x y/n #sirius black fluff #remus lupin fluff

[thesoftestcowboy]

thoughts on the colors red, blue, green, and yellow? any comments on the shapes triangle, square, or circle?? rhombus

first of all i gotta tell you that im enjoying this ask twice as much cause i got multiple spam asks since yesterday and did not expect an actual question... anyway. im gonna answer this 200% in earnest, as it should be, obviously (yes i actually did write this out, strap in ig)

red: listen i know everyones favorite color seems to be blue for some reason but red is RIGHT THERE. i heard somewhere that not all languages differentiate the same colors as english (and other european languages), but the first color after light/dark there will be a word for is usually red. idk if thats true but seems plausible, cause yknow whats red? fuckin berries to eat, also blood (either concerning or also to eat, ig). cavepeople knew red was important business. also its pretty and you use it to make pink.

blue: not to imply that blue isnt also good. its got a range. looks very fresh. i do like a teal-ish blue but others are cool also. its really rare in nature ig? but if it does occur its looks rly good! (im saying this rn cause my desktop wallpaper has blue flowers lmao) also if i had a cent for every time i had dreams with intense, seemingly really significant blue night skies, i'd have 2 cents, which isnt much but weird etc etc.

green: ok i like green but, unpopular opinion time, i want neither a green couch nor a green kitchen. i want a pink couch and a blue kitchen. that being said green fucks and is part of some iconic things, such as HES GEEN, and also my favorite song green soop by dooboo, which references the fact that soups can be green (@geminyde)

yellow: finally yellow is super underappreciated. im kinda mad that yellow doesnt suit me super well in clothes cause theres so many cool yellow things id want on a shirt. people only ever think of bright neon yellow but it also had SHADES.

now, the shapes. people at art school will try to convince you that these have some deeper meaning and even a gender (??) cause some guy whose name i forgot claimed they do and thats bs. heres the actual truth about them. triangle pointy. also an instrument! theyre really flexible cause they can have wildly different angles and like?? thats different from squares, which are literally all the same, except for size ig? but thats nice it gives them a sense of stability. theyre ol reliable. ever wonder why they had town squares but never town triangles? well,

anyway the circle is most definitely the princess of shapes. you might think its really basic compared to like uhh a trapezoid or whatever cause you learn about it in kindergarten, but its so fucked up it has ZERO angles?? but then if you wanna render it its got a huge amount of angles/into infinity instead? you can calculate any shapes area with basic maths basically but ohh noo not the circle. its soo special. we love that for him but you gotta be honest.

ngl i had to look up what a rhombus is and its just idk a Raute ig. its a rectangle who wants to be special. which is fine we all need some attention sometime but like, its a rectangle on its side. its doing its own thing. i think it should have a different english name tho tbh. rhombus reminds me of the name rhonda and that has a different vibe. idk if that one was also a question or just an addition tbh but there u go

so thats it thanks for asking like comment subscribe

#please no one ask why #reply #txt #doppelnatur

[suffarustuffaru]

why heinkel hates reinhard but still replaces reinhard with schult: speculation + analysis

i may have written too many words of anime fanfic about them but im gonna talk about this completely unprompted anyway. 👍 i was in an essay writing mood again.

so. basically. we all know heinkel hates reinhard’s guts and is overall an abusive father. but heinkel STILL replaces reinhard with schult. why would he do that if he hates reinhard so much, given how similar schult is both visually and personality-wise to reinhard? and when you pair it with the fact that heinkel USED to love reinhard, it gets more complicated. of course theres the fact that theresias death and wilhelm deciding to blame reinhard for it caused this landslide effect when it comes to heinkel and reinhard’s relationship, but we ALSO know heinkel actually defended reinhard at first. heinkel DEFENDED reinhard from wilhelm when wilhelm blamed reinhard for theresia’s death. but of course, we all know how well heinkel and reinhard’s relationship turns out later. but why? we know the core trauma that triggered it all (theresia’s death and wilhelm’s response to it) but it still doesn’t entirely explain everything until you look deeper.

i think the answer is actually that heinkel separates reinhard into two parts—reinhard the person, and reinhard the sword saint.

reinhard the sword saint becoming the sword saint helped caused theresia’s death. reinhard the sword saint killed theresia. reinhard the sword saint publicly defeated heinkel in a duel (we dont know the specific circumstances of this duel but we do know that public perception of heinkel was ALREADY bad even before the present day and losing a duel to your five year old son does not help matters). reinhard the sword saint saves the day, is regaled as a hero with the van Astrea name, while all these rumors going around about heinkel crushes him on top of the fact that his only support system (his wife) is gone with no cure for her condition in sight. along with the fact that his son Seemingly killed his mother. and this is AFTER the fact that heinkel begs theresia to go on the white whale mission in his stead. meaning that heinkel ALSO helped theresia to her death. and then reinhard the sword saint swoops in to be the kingdom’s beloved hero while failing to fix Any of these issues. reinhard the sword saint is a monster to heinkel, especially when you remember that reinhard kills theresia Again in front of heinkel at the end of arc 5.

reinhard the person, however, is different. reinhard the person is the son that heinkel knew—the son he loved dearly. thats why schult as a replacement is the perfect choice. schult’s a young kid with a resemblance to a younger reinhard and a similar timid personality. on top of that, schult is normal. schult doesnt have any world-ending, mind-bending superpowers that affect Everything about him. schult is everything that heinkel missed about reinhard Without any of the baggage. Without anything that makes reinhard difficult to love now. heinkel even says it himself:

kids should stick to being kids, instead of going off and becoming a hero that betrays you. because i think that heinkel thinks that being the sword saint warped reinhard. why wouldnt it, when the whole situation where reinhard Gained the sword saint dp is theresia’s death? the innocent little kid that he had as a son is gone in his eyes. and it’s just a monster that’s left. he Misses reinhard the person—reinhard, his son—but he loathes reinhard the sword saint, who seemingly destroyed everything they had. and i think this especially shows when you remember that heinkel 99% of the time says the sword saint instead of reinhard’s name.

this division that heinkel likely has about Past Reinhard and Present Reinhard also has to be what caused heinkel to go from a very loving father to a very abusive one. why is it now easy for him to be so cruel to someone he doted on whenever he could? it’s because to him, that person became a Monster. reinhard betrayed him, from his point of view, over and over again. theresia’s first death. the duel he and reinhard had. and then theresia’s second death. theres a chance even, that heinkel’s anger towards present reinhard may also partially be because present reinhard stole past reinhard from him. to heinkel, the only thing of reinhard left is the sword saint.

and schult being heinkel’s replacement for reinhard does show that heinkel misses reinhard. you wouldnt need a Replacement for someone unless theres a void that needs to be filled. and heinkel’s choice of replacement specifically says a lot about him and his relationship with reinhard.

wilhelm’s choice of replacement also says a lot about him. but that’s for another essay akdndndn

#rezero #heinkel astrea #reinhard van astrea #once again talking about them. cries. i remembered this bit of analysis i did in my head about their relationship and rhen decided to write #it down. in something that isnt just ao3 fanfic. cries. #its just so. interesting. how heinkel loathes reinhard and fhen turns around and gets out schult widnsndnd #like MY DUDE UR SONS RIGHT THERE 😭😭😭😭 U FUCKING IDIOT 😭😭😭😭 #sigh. i will write that ‘why wilhelm uses subaru as a replacement’ essay soon i have some thoughts.

[iwilllearntowrite]

I am deeply terrified of being an evil person, unknowingly or without being able to fully face it.

Not just becoming evil, but simply being a fundamentally bad person. That my intentions are wrong and I am actually lying to myself. That I have manipulated myself and everyone around me into believing I am a kind person. That my existence in itself has a bad impact on others because it is inevitable for me to do harm just like any human at some point in their life maybe ? Because its impossible not to ? No, this is me trying to normalize sick behavior actually.

I often feel like I am imposing, like people are simply tolerating me, and when they try to reassure me I feel even worse because what if I manipulated them ? And it leads me to think I am even worse than I could picture. I interpret everything as proof that I am deeply terrible, including my loved ones trying to tell me the opposite, to the point where I am not only lying to myself but manipulating everything and everyone around me so I never have to face the truth. And if at any point I let myself believe my intentions are true and I listen to the side of me that doesn’t align with those thoughts, it feels like I would be loosening my control and enabling my deeper “evil” intentions, letting them slip.

Its like I have a phobia of my own intentions. I’ve been looking into it and everything is leading me to OCD related articles, its a disorder that was brought up to me when I was in therapy and also when I was seeing my psychiatrist but that never really got dug into because ultimately when they asked me a few questions about it I didn’t have clear “rituals” and struggled to keep track with everything in my life… I am putting this in the OCD tag to know if anybody else has had thoughts like these ? If any of what Im saying even makes sense… And if so Im curious if theres somewhere I can read about it ? I dont mean to intrude as I have not been diagnosed, but I feel like this is where I could find people who also struggle with intrusive thoughts as well as maybe something like this ?

There’s a part of me that knows. That recognizes the absurdity. That finds it almost laughable. But still beyond wanting to know wether it is true or not, I want to understand this belief better. Is it my inability to face my failures ? An irrational fear of doing harm ? Of becoming like those who hurt me ? They couldn’t face their abuse so how could I ? I have noticed most people who do harm aren’t aware of it, even the people who abused me through my life were pretty much oblivious. And if they were, what’s stopping me from being as oblivious as they are ? But could it be I’m just afraid I can’t trust myself ? What made me feel like I cant trust myself and when ? Because I almost always have… One thing I’d always been in tune with was my gut. I recognize now I haven’t been able to trust my own thoughts and memories since I was gaslit by my ex through last summer. Maybe there’s a correlation.

I really want to be careful, though, with the terms I am using. I am so sorry if what I have said seems offensive or hyperbolic, I tried not to write mindfully but I understand it could be beyond me and something only others will see. I am open to feedback and discussion and sincerely hope I didn’t trigger anyone with my words.

#text #digital diary #ramblings #text post #ocd #tw ocd #actually obsessive #obsessive thoughts #intrusive thoughts #am i evil? #phobia #abuse mention #am i the asshole #am i wrong #questions #please help #pls help #recovering perfectionist #perfectionism

[xiaoluclair]

hello okay i've seen you reblog 4433 posts so this is my invite for you to go fully incoherent rambling about why you love 4433 pretty please?

okay so i sure as hell ain't a vet but i Am intrigued invested enamored hopelessly sinking and it goes like This:

ONE. racer4racer ruthless4ruthless champion4champion. yall heard lewis talk about booing?? it just fuels me 💪💪. yall heard max? i'll just take my trophy home and they can have a nice evening ☺️. the objective energies are a SPECTRUM apart. but then you look a little deeper and Yeah, that's. thats a champion there and champion there.

alexa play monza 2021 silverstone 2021 jeddah 2021 interlagos 2022. in other words: racing other people?? yeah, fine. Can Do, no Problemo. racing each other? explosion Noises.

i.e. u know the phrase Opposites Attract? well. Yeah . onto

TWO. Opposites! e.g. Agendas (for lack of a better word.) max will kneel, will speak when spoken to. but give that kid the choice and he aint sayin a word. he is there to Race and have Laffs why u askin me about my political stance on cheese 🙄😒. lewis on the other more vocal hand Will Speak Out. prbly maybe it traces back to their childhoods, but im not getting into that Particular thing bc its too heavy for this and im not about to make it into a joke, So. yeah, the way they view their own Purpose within fame, the way max Wouldnt bc he thinks hes too small, insignificant in worldwide change, doesnt believe he can do Much for those larger social issues, then lewis doing so many things bc he might not alter the globe singlehandedly but he wants to be part of that smth Bigger. and no that is Not me saying max doesnt have a heart or doesnt want to help bc we've seen him raise donations and be Kind and condemn people for their shitiness. i just think, Opposites.

keeping with the seriousness: yall ever seen max wear smth not white and jeaned other than his racesuit and swim trunks?? MAYBE i can give him the singular fucking bowtie. lewis? ur catchin him suckin of the w14 before u catch him in that shit (Affectionate).

and to their hearts: both of them, who race to win, to be the fastest, to take home the trophy, to feed that fire as it burns on the track, to make their fathers proud. and then: lewis, who lives with faith, who races with God, who want to break records. max, who lives against superstition, who races with gut, who wants to rest. so Yeah. Opposites.

nYway,

THREE. i realize i havent actually touched much on their actual Dynamic HEE, so like. theyre fukin . miscroscope-worthy. in that they should be Studied. intently. i Cant with the whole, the whole Thing they have like. yeah no theyre not Best Buds or anythin but they Have been amicable. acquaintances. Rivals. and there is no fucking way im feeling Nuthin about two men racing with the Sole Focus of beating the other. first, thats 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈YYY!!! second, that is Everything. who tf is feeling what either of them are feeling going into abu dhabi 21. who Else is putting down his visor knowing its Make or Break. who else is sinking into their cockpit pulling up at the starting line exhaling into their helmet as they watch the lights go out knowing its Now. its there, for Me or Him. its pinned in the center of Us right in the middle, could tip either way. who else, if not each other???? who ELSE I ASK!! also when tf did it happen before that two f1 title rivals went into the final race on equal points??? once?? idk but the Point is, theres two fuckin people (or close to) in the entire World who've been There, only one person who knows how you couldve truly Felt in ur Soul, hands on the steering wheel foot on the gas, has felt it too and hes sitting to ur left, takin a fuckin selfie of u both like sum social media Diva. smfh.

FOUR! they Actually get along???? like ik to some poople theyre tryna Kill each other 25/8 but dawg i think about tom sharing that lil story abt max asking lewis about his hair all the fucking Time its so Unhealthy i need More. n less often but still deserves Stage Time: lewis saying This Guy, this Fucking guy, and max calling him out on it right there on the podium. lewis showing max shit on his phone, makin him goddamn Giggle. the two of them just Joking Around, idk i think its Sweet. that they Can be okay, yknow, even with all the head to head (head 👀) shit they drove each other to in 21.

FIVE: the misc things! i.e. theyre no1s theyve both fucking Dominated the field. who else has on the current grid, i hear? No Fucking one. only Them. i.e. i think there is so much Potential. ik theyre so Different almost polar arctic antarctic north south but it warms my heart sm when theyre together Because of that. i.e. ik this post doesnt read quite so Shippy as it couldve but idk they make me feel More than that in a way bc theyre just so. Apart. and when they come together, it feels Monumental. plus the absolute Dawg the Cunt the 🧎🧎🧎 they can fit into a single photo:

.

Yeah .

#if u had ur head in the gutter with one of those last sentences get it Out #xiao: waffle #waffle: mv1.lh44 #zhalia my beloved #3344 #4433 #Anyway . time to go Life #theres prbly More btw but i just #haha cant Think

[japeneselunchtimerush]

Ship tier for Murasakibara? :)

Lovers: I have to admit I don't really think about MuraHimu a lot(it should be obvious who is on my mind 99% of the time) however I really like the fact that it's so much more than what it seems. You can take it at surface level and say that Himuro is nice to him and kinda acts like his big bro/mom but it's so much deeper than that?

Like their relationship is great because they are so different. Murasakibara is a player made from talent, its even been confirmed that until high school he was pretty much relying on instinct to play while Himuro is nothing but hard work. Its not just in basketball either but also in academic areas. Himuro resents murasakibara's talent and murasakibara doesn't get why he even cares and even though they are so different they do love each other a lot and that's very cool.(This became very long sorry)

SS+: Because I already talked way too much in the other one I'll keep this one as short as possible. I love how Akashi spoils him so much(giving him snacks he won at the festival, giving him his popsicle so that he doesn't but more etc) but also cares about his health its really cute. Also the scene in last game where mura helps akashi(bokushi) up is very heartwarming and its a very touching parallel to teiko. I think they're very cute.

I shipped it as a joke but I dont think its a joke anymore: Okay yeah at first I shipped MuraMido because lmao but then I started looking into it and now I can actually see it. Despite their differences and how much they bicker(let's be real bickering is its own love language) they are still pretty good friends actually. Midorima lends Murasakibara books quite often according to the psp game and Murasakibara compliments midorima quite a lot there too. When Midorims was complaining about wearing a women's kimono Murasakibara intersects with a "But you looked good in it though" his words not mind. And this was not in a mocking way btw.

Brothers in Spirit: I don't know what I mean by the tier name honestly but it works ig. Kuroko and Murasakibara have very different ideals and also disagree a lot but the love is there. I really do see them as siblings tbh. I can see Mura lying down after practice and Kuroko collapsing on top of him and then they just lay there together until someone(Akashi) tells them to get up.

I read one polyam fic with MuraHimu: Yeah I actually did read a couple of drabbles with MuraHanaHimu and they're all actually very sweet. Still don't know my opinion about this ship though but Im open to it.

They eat together: Honestly MuraKaga just seems so funny to me. Like all these two would do is eat then bicker then eat then bicker then eat again theres a touch if basketball in there somewhere too dont worry. The eating periods are like temporary truces until Murasakibara reaches over and grabs one of Kagami's burgers and then all hell breaks loose. And Himuro is between them trying to keep the peace and failing spectacularly.

Cute but not my thing: Idk Im not into this ship purely because the KiyoHyuuRiko is too strong within me.

#murasakibara atsushi #sorry for the late replie😔😔 #But i had tons of fun thinking about it #murahimu #muraaka #muramido #murahanahimu #murakuro #murakaga #murakiyo??

[alienaiver]

Chapter 3: Collision [FINAL]

Chapter summary: You're traveling to the duchy where the root of the issues might be. The bond with your advisor deepens and truths are unconvered, in every sense of the word.

Warnings for this chapter: someone gets stabbed in this, and another get an arrow to the head so uh. warnings for that? theres also some in-fighting but its not like, dramatic overkill!

Wordcount: 12k [...hehe]

Chapter content: fluff, sfw, fantasy AU, royalty AU, MEDIUM!!! angst, genderneutral reader, poc and bodytype!friendly reader, no use of y/n, more ‘your majesty‘, im bullshitting my astrology knowledge i apologize to ppl who actually knows shit, happy ending, kissing is minor but THERE IS KISSING, THERES STABBING AND BLOOD HERE THO, descriptions of fights/battles but im not very sufficient in them so it  stays light LMFAO,

notes: i APOLOGIZE MY ASS OFF FOR THE DELAY. i got hit by an intense ass flu, so i could barely text normally the past week!! BUT HERE IT IS.... my god. this world. i have so much more information and world building that will never see the light of day. i wanted to still keep the focus on suga and reader, so i apologize if some of my world building has felt like it falls short now that its done. it was mostly just to show there was more, without diving deeper. i also have intricate backstories for everyone involved and love charts LMFAAAAAO. the economic history has been worked on as well even tho no economy is shown here LMFAO MY DUMBASS  DOING MATH. if youd like me to expand on other characters or other parts, i might be feeling up to it heheeh<33333 ENJOY!!! im gonna go treat myself to my friend’s ice cream in my freezer JFESKJFSK

ALSO in tryibg to fix the spaces between paragraphs, but tumblr's new psot editor is messing w me. so please bear w me! 🧡 (if youd like to avoid the spacing issue until im able to fix it, theres no issues in ao3! the link to the story is on the series masterlist!) ✨

previous ┋ series masterlist ┋ first chapter

Sugawara’s sitting in the servant’s kitchens, drinking ale with Sawamura and Azumane.

Or more truthfully put, Sawamura and Azumane are drinking ale. Sugawara’s fighting to stay awake and stay part of their current subject. They’re talking animatedly in front of him but he can’t for the life of him follow suit. You’re currently eating a leisurely lunch with Bokuto and his fiancé, Akaashi Keiji, in the gardens before they’re taking their leave tomorrow and travel back to the empire.

You’ve given Sugawara time off but he hardly knows how to pass such hours anymore. There’s always something to do – so when both Azumane and Sawamura was off as well, they all decided to eat lunch together.

“You need to work less, Suga.” Sawamura scolds, his hand pushing at Sugawara’s plate as to regain his attention. He brushes him off as he stifles a yawn, “thanks for the encouragement Daichi, but it’s just sleep that’s the issue, is all.”

Azumane frowns in concern but isn’t sure how to convince Sugawara either, “we never see you around anymore,” he tries and Sugawara smiles, “I appreciate your concern Asahi, however, to support my crown I will do what it takes.”

They both shake their heads and Sugawara sighs as he leans his head in his palm, “I like what I do, you know? It enriches me. When I look at them, all I see is the bright future that shines on Karasuno. They just need a push, is all.”

They nod in unison, “yeah, there’s something to agree on. They have the proper air around them, too.” Sawamura sighs as he crosses his arms, a satisfactory smile on his lips. Azumane smiles too as he takes a sip of his ale, “they’ve come so far. Nothing has brought me greater joy than supporting them through it all.”

Sugawara sends Azumane a beaming smile, “exactly! You spend just as much time with the crown as I do – so there’s no problem, right?”

They laugh and shake their heads at him, “there’s nothing we can say to make you change trajectory anyways, Suga. But please remember to rest.”

The talk branches off to different subjects – mainly Sawamura’s complaints about the new troublemakers in his personnel. They’re talented with weapons and hard-working, but the barracks has never been as chaotic as they are right now. It’s giving Sawamura new wrinkles to worry about.

Sugawara zones out of the conversation as he thinks back to late last night. He’d found you in the map room – the room that had unofficially become your meeting place – exhausted. The bags under your eyes were hardly possible to hide on top of the greying of your skin. After that afternoon where he’d helped you sleep some moons ago, there’d been no repeats and he wasn’t so arrogant to suggest his help himself to the crown. He might’ve even done it wrong for all he knows.

You’d sat with your head resting in your hands, looking pointedly at documents in front of you but Sugawara had a feeling you weren’t looking at anything of this world.

He’d been right.

You hadn’t registered his appearing and the moment he cleared his throat you’d jumped up from the chair with fear and panic in your widened eyes. His arms had shot up to show he meant no harm and as you’d registered his face, you’d become visibly calmer.

Sugawara had ended up going to the guard’s kitchens to grab a bowl of the hot porridge always freshly served for any guards on night duty and spoon-feeding it to you. He’s sure it had been awkward for you, even if you were the one who suggested that he did so, but for him it was an entirely different experience. He’d felt your breath on his hand when it came close to your face and he swore he had almost felt your heart beating, that’s how close he’d been.

He can’t possibly tell of this to Sawamura and Azumane – the teasing would be relentless.

Midday turns to late afternoon and as the sun is slowly setting behind the mountains, Sugawara is called upon by a maid. You’re in his study and require him to attend you.

When he reaches the door left ajar, he sneaks a peek before announcing himself. You’re standing by his window, your hand outreached towards the stained glass, admiring the light’s reflection onto your palm. the sun bounces off of you and leaves you in an ethereal glow. You remind him of the bright guiding star on the night sky.

This is when you’re the most beautiful, Sugawara thinks and holds his breath.

You retract your arm from the sun’s rays and drag your fingers over some of the books on his shelves. It’s the fictional section and he feels a touch of embarrassment at your possible scrutiny. He hears a low chuckle leave you as stop by a small row with a few children’s books. They’re worn out – mostly because he’s used them when telling stories and teaching children how to use letters, but also simply from age. They’re the first gift from his mentor and he holds them close in his heart.

To Sugawara’s surprise, you turn around and look directly at him. Then, you let out a surprised yelp when you see him. Your hand travels to your chest, “oh, I apologize Sugawara, I neither saw nor heard you.” you laugh and he shakes his head and bows lightly, “no the fault is mine, your majesty. I apologize for startling you.”

You laugh it off and sit yourself down by his desk, “the lunch with Bokuto went well, I take it?” he asks as he rounds the armchair to sit down, keeping his gaze on you. You hum out a reply as you settle better into his chair, dragging your open palms over his desk, “I’ll miss him and Akaashi when they leave. You’re joining us for supper, correct? It won’t be for the full court, for the sake of privacy.” Sugawara raises his eyebrows but keeps his stare level, “pardon?” he asks and you chuckle, “I’d like you to be there. The chefs are making your favorite.”

His favorite?

The chefs – who cook for the royal court – is making his favorite meal from his hometown? A nervous laugh escapes him, “your majesty, are you serving spiced tofu to your royal visitors?”

A smile as mischievous as your personality graces your features as you nod, “I’m sure Bokuto and Akaashi will enjoy it as well! And I’m curious about it too. It’s been on my mind since you told me about it.”

Maybe he shouldn’t have, he thinks for a short panicked moment.

He’s not sure how highly spiced the chefs will prepare it – hopes it won’t be – but he can’t be certain. His dream isn’t to offend the royal tastebuds of his crown and other royal entities. You bark out a laugh, one that comes deep within your stomach and sound off of the room, “you seem perplexed, Sugawara.”

Sugawara nods, “do you enjoy spiced food, your majesty?”

You smile, big and proud, “I can take anything.”

You couldn’t.

Since you’d been so wise to ask the chefs to create it as true to its original form, the spice level had been nothing to scoff at. In your defense, Sugawara thinks you’re holding out really well, considering.

Bokuto’s handling it worse than you, constantly scarfing down the offered milk while Akaashi enjoys it in silence. Sugawara’s not sure whether or not that’s positive, but decides to take it as a win either way. The dinner drags on with the minstrel playing for them struggling to keep a neutral face. Sugawara’s not sure telling Azumane and Sawamura about this spectacle in front of him would count as treason against the crown.

“You’re in love with them, aren’t you?”

Sugawara’s chokes on his own spit at Akaashi’s blunt question during the final evening walk of the gardens. It’s become a habit during their stay, and you and Bokuto are currently walking further ahead, opting for conversational privacy for a few short moments. Sugawara hadn’t expected Akaashi to speak much to him, let alone confront him like this. Akaashi smiles and looks up at the sky, “the night sky’s so beautiful out here. It reminds me of the place where Bokuto proposed to me.”

Sugawara nods, confusion evident on his face, “that does indeed sound romantic, your majesty.”

Akaashi nods his head towards you, “they like the stars too, don’t they? You should take advantage of that knowledge.”

Before Sugawara can ask him to elaborate, Bokuto calls on them both and he gives Sugawara a court smile, “I think the chances align in your favor, dear advisor.” And with that, he walks up to Bokuto and kisses him on the cheek.

It takes Sugawara a few short moments to restart his mind, being called out of his stupor by you, asking if he’d like to retreat for the night. There’s a question for concern hidden in the syllables and the gentleness of your gaze that makes his palms sweat.

                                                          ///    

Bokuto and Akaashi departs your kingdom without further incident, and Sugawara feels like he can finally relax in several days. The moment Bokuto and his entourage has left the courtyard, Sugawara notices how your shoulders slump slightly as well. It must’ve been more draining for you than he can even imagine. While you and Bokuto are on much more even ground, he’s sure the need to pose correctly still lingers at all times.

“Sugawara, what does the court say about my marriage opportunities?”

He tries to keep his face as neutral as possible, to hide the surprise from the sudden question in the middle of your lunch in the map room. You haven’t been in here for longer than small moments while Bokuto had been visiting, so it’s nice to finally sit in here again, just the two of you. To gain a moment where he can gather himself, Sugawara takes a bite of his bread and hums, signaling that he needs to finish chewing. You wait patiently with a neutral expression.

He then brushes his palms against each other to get rid of any loose breadcrumbs, “there currently aren’t any official suitors, if that’s what you’re asking.”

You smile and take a sip of your tea, placing it down gently, “my question pertained more in regard to our laws. With whom can I marry? What are my restrictions?”

Sugawara swallows thickly again, letting his mind stay close to simple facts and not emotions, “well there’s quite a bit of history there. In the olden days, the crown was allowed to appoint anyone – although most of the weddings still related mostly to those of royal blood, your great-great-grandmother married a commoner – to which her son was so enraged that the bloodline was sullied,” you both make a grimace at this part of the story, “that he forbade such matrimonies when he ascended the throne.”

You sigh and deflate down into the chair, “what an unsettling man.” Sugawara nods in agreement and gently folds his napkin over the plate to signal that he finished eating, “a lot of laws were created during his reign that most don’t agree with.”

”I can’t imagine he was very popular.”

Sugawara tuts at you, “now, now, your majesty. You mustn’t speak ill of the dead.”

You sigh and give him a look – one that signals that it may not matter as much to you. Sugawara then clears his throat and with a voice pitched higher than he’d have liked, asks, “a-anyways, what brought this on, your majesty? If I may be so presumptuous to ask.”

You tense up suddenly, clearing your own throat and hastily gathering your cutlery on your plate, clearing your throat a second time before you answer, “oh! Oh, well. Akaashi’s a commoner and it just… it got me thinking, you know?” your hand travels to the back of your neck to scratch while you let out a soft laugh. Sugawara smiles gently at you, happy to hear you might’ve found someone – even if he thinks you should focus on your duties for an extended period of time before marrying (that’s what he tells himself is the reason, at least, when he’s back in his own sleeping chambers that night). You don’t bring up the subject again, and Sugawara tells himself he shouldn’t pry.

                                                          ///    

Sawamura walks around the map room, his armor newly polished and shiny. You’re sitting upright in a chair with Sugawara standing next to you, arms on his back. Azumane’s there too, sitting on a stool to the right of the table. Sawamura’s waiting for his underlings to arrive, his eyebrows getting more and more furrowed with every moment they’re leaving him waiting. The mood is tense in the room and you’re afraid of making small-talk – you can’t stifle the yawn that threatens to spill and look at Azumane, who you inevitably infect with the need as well. He gives you a reassuring smile and just then you hear the sounds of someone yelling as the sound of their armor indicates that they’re running in your direction.

Sawamura hurries to the door and lets out a hushed but no less powerful, “hey!” which makes Hinata and Kageyama halt in their movements. He ushers them inside and sigh deeply, “your behavior could cost a life on a battlefield,” he scolds and you hurry to get up with a kind smile, “luckily it wasn’t on the battlefield, Sawamura, let us excuse this honest blunder and get started, shall we?” you send Hinata and Kageyama a look that you hope shows them you won’t bail them out of a scolding a second time.

It’s past 3AM and the moon’s high in the sky. You’ve all rendezvoused in the map room to plan what you hope will stay a secret plan until you’ve left the keep in a few days.

The information that Bokuto offered you has meant tremendously in the investigation and yesterday you finally convinced Sugawara to let you go with them as they’re traveling to the Hiashi duchy to figure it all out once for and for all. There are gaps in the knowledge that the kingdom pertains and what seems to be the actual reality.

You’d like the arrival to the duchy to be as quiet as possible, gaining momentum before a possible uprising will occur if the news reach them before their arrival. Sawamura originally wanted two other guards with him, more seasoned ones he knows and trusts well, but Hinata is from the area that you’re going to, and Sugawara convinced Sawamura of the importance of someone they already trust as a local.

Sawamura goes over your travel route, of the places and areas where you’ll be resting. There’ll be tent-sleeping and as little contact to the people of the kingdom as possible. Your face is already known and he won’t risk this information breaching containment. His guards are well underway packing all of your needs and supplies – you will all travel as light as possible, meaning everyone will have to carry their weight. As he says this, he gives you an apologetic look that makes you snort out loud, “I am fully capable, sir. There shan’t be any complaints from my shoulders.”

You miss the proud gleam from your advisor as Azumane reaches for your shoulder to give it a reassuring squeeze.

The plan is simple, really. For you, it feels like an adventurous and exciting quest but you know, based on Sawamura’s tight demeanor, that there’ll be dangers lurking. He wouldn’t bring in so many neutral guards to travel in the radius around you if it wasn’t – not to mention his loud protests when you demanded to join him.

Sugawara had to calm him down after that and it wasn’t until that moment you realized the weight you’ve put on his shoulders by joining this mission – he’d already lost your father to a faceless enemy. One he’s hopefully going to face again if the outcome of this hunt goes right. What if he isn’t strong enough to protect you as well?

                                                          ///    

It turns out there wasn’t much for him to worry about, as you’re at the end of the first week of traveling with no issues. The fears Sawamura conjured in all of your minds on the night you left seems so far away now, with the quiet travels you’ve experienced. You’re in one of the middle duchies, Kogeno, and the weather tonight is clear and fresh. Spring is nearing and the tips of the mountains aren’t all white anymore.

Yesterday, Sugawara showed you one of the spring flowers in bloom. Kageyama accidentally trampled it down with the mule shortly after.

You’ve taken a liking to the night shifts. You’re traveling with two tents, one for you and one for the rest of them – you’ve tried protesting this multiple times, seeing no need to carry both when there’d be room for you in theirs. None of them has accepted that, though, fiercely arguing about your title as crown and theirs as commoners. You aren’t sure how to tell them it’s lonely without sounding too much like a child. Azumane sometimes comes in and holds your hand, but you know he leaves your tent shortly after you’ve dozed off.

Night shifts are less lonely since no one takes them alone. You’ve gotten closer to Hinata, learning about his hometown and his dream of becoming a knight. How no one believed him and he was ridiculed for such a dream due to his short stature. He’d proudly puffed out his chest the night you’d told him that you’d appoint him a title after the travels were over, “I’ll even send home an official letter to your family.” You’d added with a wink, and his eyes had turned bigger than you thought possible.

The day after, Sugawara had scolded you that you mustn’t make such promises to such a young guard. You’d dismissed him.

Tonight, you and Sugawara has the shift together. You take a sip of your tea and sigh, “it sure is quaint out here,” you muse and Sugawara chuckles, “you seem to have fallen quite in love with the countryside.”

You look at him longingly and smile, “well, it’s quite the view.”

He doesn’t notice how your gaze lingers on him and just smiles into the distance, “it is. I haven’t ever been this far south.”

You wrap yourself up more in the blanket that Sugawara draped over you earlier, when your watch started. You then gather the courage to ask him, “are you happy with your work?”

You’re not sure if he turns his head to look at you or not, your eyes fixated on a rock further ahead in your line of vision, afraid that his answer might not be what you’re looking for. You spent so many years admiring the relationship between your father and his advisor, counting down the days until you’d be the one bound in an oath like that. You’re not sure it is what you expected.

You’re not sure you’re supposed to look at his lips so much.

Sugawara sighs and stretches his arms, “it sure is work, your majesty.”

It takes a moment for you to register his joke, to understand that he’s making fun of you, your expression not as schooled as you’d like it to be. You kick his shin and he chuckles before taking a sip of his own tea. It’s elfbark, harvested a few days prior when he took you foraging – he’d even held your hand as you went over a creek.

“There’s no greater thing for me to do, your majesty. I told you, remember? That I dreamt of grandness, to help the Karasuno Kingdom reclaim its former glory before the Third Age.”

You hum out a reply and look into the fire in front of you, “do you think I shall be able to achieve that? Continue my father’s work?”

Sugawara puts down his cup and leans closer to you, his brown boot lightly touching yours. A way to make a connection. You notice the dirt on the leather. You think this may be the first time you’ve ever had boots this dirty outside of the keep. Sugawara points up at the night sky,

“You remind me of the guiding star, your majesty. Your glow is magnificent and empowering, you’ll lead this country to greatness. Do you not trust the Farseers?”

You huff out a laugh, trying to hide the flustered expression on your face by looking back at the tents, avoiding his intense gaze, “it is not that I do not trust them, Sugawara, but being called the ‘Bringer of Serenity’ feels like a title meant for someone else.” you admit, for the first time out loud to anyone ever since the premonition was brought to you by the Farseer clan when you were just short of 14. You’re not sure when you started to feel like an impostor. It’s been a while since those thoughts journeyed your mind last.

You haven’t had such thoughts since Sugawara came into your life.

“You’re my earth, Sugawara.”

You blurt it out before you can stop yourself – before you can think through the heaviness of the words. Spiraling in your mind, you don’t notice the way Sugawara’s breath hitches or the way his eyes widen, his mouth hanging open. There’s a silence stretching between you until Sugawara manages to close his mouth and bite his lip.

“Pardon, your majesty?”

You can’t retract it now – you might as well be honest. Didn’t your father always tell you to never hide any parts of yourself for your advisor?

You heave in a big breath, “you ground me. I may be a star to you, up in the sky where nothing can reach me. But I get to admire you, look at you. To be reminded of who I’m shining for. A constant reassurance that you’ll always be there.”

Sugawara doesn’t reply to you immediately and you cough into your sleeve to hide your face, not able to look him in the eye just yet.

As the silence stretches out you whine and give in and look up at him. Sugawara’s simply looking at you with the warm smile that makes your insides melt. If it weren’t for the darkness of the night, you’d know that his lash line is wet, but he gets to keep that information to himself. You raise an eyebrow, “’cause you will always be here…. Right?”

His warm and affectionate smile turns into a face splitting grin, the gooey mess in your stomach suddenly sprouting wings and flying rapidly, desperately around inside you, “of course, your majesty.”

A few more days pass in peace, the setting up of tents your biggest worry. There are two mules with you, ones that Kageyama and Hinata takes care of. It’s not until you’re at the borders between Kogeno and Hiashi that trouble arise. There’re scouts positioned in a two-and-a-half-mile radius traveling alongside you, even if you’d insisted there was no need. Sawamura hadn’t budged on the subject and the hardened look he’d given you made you shrink in on yourself, remembering the burden you’ve put on him.

Some scouts didn’t report back to Sawamura and some went missing. Sawamura’s sitting by the fire with Sugawara, a tense silence draped over them. “I think it’d be safer to return with the crown.” Sawamura says, his eyebrows furrowed. Sugawara hums, “I’m not sure they’ll do that. They’re just as determined as you are, if not more.”

Sawamura heaves a big sigh as he straightens his back, lifts his arms above his head and gain a satisfying pop of joints. Sugawara scrunches his nose up at the noise – he’ll never be one to enjoy that sound.

“Won’t they listen to you?”

Sugawara scoffs out a laugh as he takes a sip of his mug of ale, “as capable as they recognize me to be, if their heart is set on something, none of my academic words will matter.”

You’re all out in the woods with no one around you, so everyone lets their guard down. There’s quiet, only the sounds of critters. Sawamura flinches a few times but Sugawara doesn’t notice.

The mules, which are tied up next to your tent, start whinnying and moving restlessly, and that’s when Sugawara notices.

There’s a fire at the side of your tent.

He flies up, his mug thrown to the ground as he runs towards the entrance, glad to see the fire’s still small. “Daichi!” he calls as he hurls open the latch of the cotton door. Sawamura yells in the distance and out of his peripheral vision he sees Kageyama and Hinata jump out of their tent.

You’re asleep. He flies to his knees in front of your bedding, “your majesty!” he calls and you open your eyes, confused and disoriented, “we have to get out!” is all Sugawara says before he pulls you against him and out of the tent. You both land on the ground outside, coughing.

There are other people now. Sugawara belatedly hears the clashing of swords, commands and running. It takes him a moment to orient himself, shielding you underneath him on the ground. You start to claw at his arms, “I can fight too!” you yell, and he hushes you, “we’re not sure what our enemy is here,” he half-whispers as he makes a headcount. He’s not sure if they’ve noticed you’re out of your tent, alive. You grab on to the ground underneath you and manage to crawl free of Sugawara’s grasp, running to your sword placed by the supplies, ready to grab and defend with if needed.

There’s more yelling, and you manage to land a hit on someone using an axe. Commands of killing the crown are shouted all around you and Sawamura’s back hits yours, “your majesty, please escape.” He says and you let out a hysterical scoff, “I’m not”- you land a hit on the hip of the enemy in front of you- “leaving you all behind!” you finish, shouting as you kick the person away. They fall to the ground, weapon lost on the way down. The fire from your tent lights up the place in an almost magnificent glow.

Someone shouts something about daggers, you think it might be Hinata. You turn your head, and then you see it.

The dagger hurled toward you makes your eyes widen in fear, freezing you into place. You want to dodge – knows how to, yet you’re unable. You hear the shouting of your men from all around you, amplified by the sound of weapons continually clashing. You’re able to filter out Sugawara’s voice in all the noise as he calls your name – your name. It’s the first time you hear him use it and you almost want to scoff at how the mind processes all of this in such short moments. This must be what it feels like to know you’ll die. An image of your father appears in your mind.

And then you’re roughly pushed to the ground, exclaiming a groan at the impact with another human, hearing his cry into your shoulder as you both crash onto the ground. All sounds are now muffled and you feel intensely the pressure on your ribs from the weight of the other, the pebbles digging into your hip from the ground and then, then you feel a warm liquid trickle down over your collarbone and jaw. You briefly wonder if it’s yours but can, in those short seconds, locate no penetrated part of you that’d make you bleed, heaving in a deep breath filled with the dust of the ground.

Your eyes travel to the tuft of grey hair tickling your cheek and it’s then the bubble that had closed your ears pop sharply, making every sound all too loud and all too much again. On top of you, Sugawara is groaning in pain before he rolls off to the ground next to you, apologizing in a strained voice for getting blood on you.

The dagger, meant for your heart, is lodged into his shoulder and he’s bent awkwardly in an attempt to hide it from you with his left arm. You desperately pull his other arm away to assess the damage and there’s more than just one scolding going through your mind as you see how much blood is running down over his arm and chest, though no constructive words are able to pass your lips, only panicked one-syllable words. Sugawara’s already heavily damaged, not one used to fighting like this. There’s already bruising forming on his face, his brow split and bleeding. He’s groaning in obvious agony.

Words are being shouted around you and one repeats itself continuously, “run, your majesty!”

It’s not a demand, it’s a plead. Sawamura’s voice sounds desperate and coarse as he fights off another attacker with his sword. The meaning behind the words has changed since he started shouting them at the beginning of the ambush and for the first time since drawing out your sword, you decide to heed his words. You send him a determined nod and his gratitude gives him new power to charge an enemy.

“I’m sorry, Koushi, please hold on,” you whisper and Sugawara starts whining and trashing as you try to carry him off of the ground. His voice is garbled as the four words departs him, “leave me. Hide.”

You laugh, almost hysterically as you get his arm over your shoulders, “you can make this easier for me or not, I won’t leave you.”

The fear of losing Sugawara gives you new strength and while limping on your right leg, you manage to carry the both of you into the nearby bushes off of the road. You have half a mind to look back and check if anyone’s following you, but it’ll slow you down to turn your head, so you decide to trust Sawamura and his men. You know more arrived shortly after the ambush, the back-up guards Sawamura has had stationed in a radius around you ever since you left Karasu Keep. You’re not sure how many successfully fell to the ground up until this point, but hope you’ve outnumbered them by now.

The shouting becomes quieter, the throbbing of your head becoming louder. Out here there’s no light, the bushes and trees blocking off the light from the fire in the camp. Blearily, you locate a bigger bush and decides to push yourself and Sugawara inside of it to hide. He groans loudly at the impact, and as you crawl in next to him, you realize it’s a hawthorn bush. You roll your eyes; it’ll have to do.

You feel the thorns digging into your exposed skin as you try to get on your knees and pull Sugawara’s upper body to your lap gently, trying not to make the damage worse. Judging by his groans and whines, you’re not doing a very good job at it. You feel after the wound and hiss when you realize it’s still bleeding. You’re afraid to pull out the dagger, fearing it’ll make it worse. You’re also afraid it might be poisoned – would these attackers rely on simple luck that it’d pierce either your head or your heart? A dagger to the arm or leg isn’t necessarily fatal.

You apologize to Sugawara in bated breaths as you try to get a grip of your shirt’s side, ripping off as much fabric as you’re able, all the way to your back, where it’s hard to reach. You then lift his arm to wrap it around.

“Remove”-Sugawara coughs and curls in on himself – “the dagger.” He finished and you whine at his command, “what if you’ll bleed more?” and he wheezes out a laugh, “I’m bleeding either way, aren’t I?”

You want to punch him, but decide to do as he says, “here, bite down on this. I don’t want them to hear us,” you rip off the fabric of your sleeve and he bites down onto it, “I’m not sure if I’m supposed to do it quickly or slowly,” you admit and he groans. You apologize again, “I’ll do it quickly, in one”- you put your hands around the handle – “two… and three!”

Sugawara passes out after that.

                                                          ///    

Sugawara’s eyes are heavy as he tries to open them, coated with blood and tears. He hears Sawamura calling out, “Suga! Are you here? Your majesty!” and as he manages to open his right eye, is immediately blinded by the bright light coming in through the branches he’s surrounded by. He feels a weight on top of him and feels arms wrapped tightly around him, almost caging him in. He hears your soft breathing and sees you asleep on top of him.

Your face, beautiful and kind is layered in caked blood and dirt, your lip swollen. His name is called again and as he opens his mouth to reply, he realizes how dry and big his tongue feels. He tries to lick his lips, gather saliva but coughs instead, “in… here,” he manages to croak out but it’s barely even a whisper, his voice strained and hoarser than he’s tried before. He takes in a deep breath, “Daichi!”

Footsteps near them in a fast pace, “bushes,” he manages to wheeze out and that’s when you steer over him, “Sugawara!” you plead as he coughs from the strain, and then Sawamura is standing next to the bushes, “we’ll help you out, don’t worry your majesty, Suga.”

Sugawara’s eyes fall shut again.

He wakes up more comfortable this time, wrapped in blankets and with a pillow underneath his head. He’s back by the camp, and everyone is gathered, in various stages of bruised and hurt – but alive.  

He sighs as he falls back onto the pillow, which makes Daichi look down at him, a gentle expression on his face, “you’re awake.”

Next to him, you’re stirring something together in a cup, blending them as you wait for the kettle to finish boiling – you’re preparing medicine, he realizes. You’re doing it meticulously and with your tongue sticking out in concentration.

Sawamura fills him in on what happened, “it’s the same men as the attack on the former crown,” he clears his throat and takes in a deep breath, “fewer this time. We managed to fight them off, but a few of them escaped – probably to report back to whoever’s behind this.”

You fill in the cup with the water, trying to pour it in the swirling motion that your father taught you, so that the medicine blends better. You haven’t spoken a word to Sugawara yet. He pouts, “that decides this. The crown’s going back.”

He’s never seen you turn your head so fast, “I am most definitely not!”

Sugawara tries to sit up but feel the strain it gives his body, wheezing out a cough. You instinctively reach out to help him, but recoil at the last minute as you see the hardened look he gives you, “there’s no discussion to be had about this. You’re going back to Karasu Keep where you’ll be safe – and alive!”

You scoff at him and get up, “who’s the hurt one here? I can walk and run just fine!” you yell, and everyone at the camp is holding their breath, shifting their gazes between the two of you. Sugawara groans out loud to make a point and sits up higher, “who says you’ll survive the nex-“

“I do! I’ll survive jus-!”

“There’s no heir!”

Everyone freezes. You look at Sugawara with a mixed gaze, surprise and … is it hurt he sees there? He looks pointedly at the ground as he sighs, “Karasuno is teetering on the edge as it is. Losing one crown to an assassination was a hard blow – but losing the next one too? You’re unmarried, you’re childless. Whose head will the crown fall upon? Someone with the kingdom’s interests at heart?”

You slump and almost stagger but stand your ground as much as you’re able. You look him directly into his eyes, and he swallows thickly at the emotions swirling so obviously there, “I’ll survive.” You grit it out, like it’s hard to speak, and he fears it might be for you. He knows his words have hurt you – but he’d rather have you hurt and alive. He’ll gladly become a villain in your mind to keep you in this world. He grits his teeth,

“Take Hinata and go back.”

You laugh and throw your arms in the air, “we’re almost there. Who says I won’t be attacked on the way home, then? Will I be safer with more guards or simply one? And we only have pack-mules and very little supplies. I’ll hardly survive the trip home without making it known that I left!”

Sawamura gets up then and gives Sugawara an apologetic look, “they’re right. It’s safer to keep them with us.”

“Daichi!”

Sawamura sends him a pleading look, begging for him to cooperate, “keeping the crown safe is my priority and responsibility. I cannot guarantee such protection if they’re to stray from my side.”

Sugawara puffs up his cheeks, “you wanted to send them home a few days ago!” he yells, his anger redirected to his best friend. Sawamura lets out an exasperated sigh, “the situation’s changed.”

Sugawara looks around. Azumane, Hinata and Kageyama are all avoiding his gaze. “You can’t be serious!” he yells before he falls back on the makeshift bed and turns to lie on his left side, his back turned to everyone. He has to squeeze his eyes shut to prevent tears from falling.

Kageyama’s standing by the mules, feeding them stray grass he’s found from the side of the road. You come up to him and stand in silence. You’re not sure how to talk to him, though you wish you could. His entire arm is brushed and bandaged and he’s limping just a little bit more than you are.

You sigh as you pet the side of the mule’s head. It leans happily towards you, enjoying the attention. “Should I go back?”

Kageyama whips his head so fast towards you that it surprises you. His face is as hard to read as ever before he pouts, “I’ve never wanted to follow a weak leader,” he gets out and you raise your eyebrows, awaiting his continuation. “I don’t think Suga meant it the way you took it.”

You nod as he bites the inside of his cheek, “I’ll always follow you, your majesty, and I believe you capable of making the right choices.”

There’s silence between you again, only the sounds of the mules’ hooves and breaths – it’s comfortable. Behind you, you can hear the movements and low talks of your other travel buddies. Azumane has clung to you since you came back and this is the first time you’re walking away from the make-shift seatings and he didn’t follow you.

“I think Suga simply wants you to survive, is all, your majesty.”

It’s your turn to bite the inside of the cheek at the statement.

Evening has arrived at your little camp and while everyone’s settled in a sort of comfortable gratitude about being alive and well, the tension between you and Sugawara is still pulled taut. Hinata is currently singing a few songs by the fire while Kageyama fills up the waterskins for tomorrow’s continued travels.

“Sugawara, a moment if you will.”

Sugawara puts the ladle back down into the pot of porridge with gracious speed compared to the damage of his injury before he straightens his back and replies to you, just as coldly as you had to him, “of course, your majesty. How may I assist you?”

Azumane and Sawamura can scarcely keep the smiles off of their faces at the display in front of them, entirely too childish and immature – not befitting of the crown and their advisor at all. Not to mention the way they’re all unceremoniously huddled under blankets around the fire, their ruler in the same, commoner survival gear as them. You look nothing like royalty after last night’s attack, so your speech mannerisms seem almost out of character. Sawamura’s just glad they brought a few extra uniforms with them since everything in your tent turned to ashes.

You pull out a map and beckon him closer. Sawamura doesn’t miss the way Sugawara rolls his eyes ever so slightly yet gets up from his crouched position to be by your side at your request. Your quarrel today is still heavy in the air and Azumane fears for the night shift the two of you are supposed to have at nightfall. He knows how you both can be stubborn and volatile and he’s not sure he’ll be able to sleep soundly.

Your talk remains civil as you go through the final stretch of your journey on the map, talking strategies. Sawamura altered the route earlier today to shake off possible attackers in case there’d been a mole in his scouting groups. He’d also sent one back to the keep requesting back up – he’s not sure they’ll get there in time, even if their travels won’t be on foot.

The night shift is entirely quiet. Sugawara’s stiff through the first few hours, waiting for you to yell at him, chide him, anything. But you stay silent, only occasionally getting up to fetch fresh water from the kettle by the fire. He thinks he’d rather want a scolding at this point.

You then gasp out loud and his fight or flight reacts immediately, his body tensing, ready to jump up at any given demand. He may be hurt, but he’s sure he’d still be able to defend you – at least until Sawamura woke up. He then looks to you, and your eyes are fixated on the sky above you. There’s a shimmer reflected in your eyes that makes his pose relax, the half-smile you’re adorning that makes him unclench his fists.

“There was a shooting star,” you explain and keep your gaze fixed up. Sugawara looks up at the immense horizon, the stars illuminating the pitch-black darkness. “Right there,” you point up even if the action is meaningless since your perspective is different from his, “right by Orion.”

That doesn’t help him, so he just stares up at the sky, “I think Cygnus is visible on the sky tonight as well.” You bite your underlip in concentration as your eyes flicker around and Sugawara finds himself looking more intently at you than at the heavens. A triumphant smile appears on your face, “yep, it’s right there north of the guiding star!” you say and Sugawara hangs his head low as he admits his biggest academic flaw to date, “I can’t navigate the stars.”

There’s silence from you and he finally gathers the courage to look up at you. The moment your eyes meet his apologetic ones, you can’t stop yourself from bursting out into a laugh. He seems genuinely sorry that he’s unable to locate a constellation and the blanket of tension between you dissipates immediately at his confession. You wipe a stray tear from your lash line as Sugawara pouts next to you, “it’s okay,” you manage to say between laughs as you start to quiet down again, “I can show you.”

You shuffle closer to Sugawara – closer than he thinks you’ve been before and he swallows thickly – and put your head by his shoulder. Sugawara holds his breath. You raise your arm to point, “do you see the bright star there? It’s Deneb, there’s three stars aligning with it horizontally,” you say and Sugawara thinks he knows where you’re talking about. You sigh before you continue, “the star directly next to Deneb, there’s stars that go vertically,” you point your finger a little higher slowly as you count, “one a little distance away and then,” you lick your lips subconsciously, “two, three and four.”

Sugawara’s getting cross-eyed by the closeness but wills his mind to focus entirely on your hand and the stars above. He sees the pattern you’re mentioning, “Cygnus means swan, right?” he asks and you nod. In nodding, your head touches his shoulder – you decide to lean into that with a sigh, “yeah, it’s the swan constellation. It means summer’s coming.”

Sugawara dares not move, lest you pull back from him. Only once has he felt your weight like this on him, and he never imagined himself lucky enough to experience it twice. He can feel your body temperature mingle with his own and when he exhales slowly, he can actually see his breath. He notices your slight shiver. It’s unseasonably cold for this time of year, “it’s the clear skies. There’s nothing to tie down the heat.” you say while stifling a yawn.

Did Sugawara speak out loud? He simply nods, unable to form the proper words he wants to articulate. All these years reading books and learning about the human mind and he can’t even hold a conversation with you. He wants to lean onto you as well, but he doesn’t.

You climb out of the tent bright and early, stretching your limbs. You enjoy sleeping in but admittedly sleeping next to three grown and snoring men made it easier to get up with the sun. Azumane greets you from the fireplace and hands you a cup of tea as you settle down.

Today, Hinata is leaving ahead of you to see if he can either gain information or trust. He’s from the duchy – even if he grew up on the borders of it, on the other side of the mountain, it might help that a local arrives. He’s preparing a packing mule for traveling together with Sawamura, trying to make it appear that he’s been traveling alone. You’re lucky he didn’t get visibly hurt during the assault.

When he’s packed and ready to leave, you approach him, “thank you, Hinata, for doing this,” you say with a gentle smile that makes Hinata tense up in excitement from your acknowledgement. He then salutes you, “of course, your majesty! I shall do my utmost to help.”

He sounds knightly and ready, if it weren’t for the rumbling of his stomach a few short moments after his declaration. He curls in on himself with an apology dripping from his mouth. You notice the signs in him as the signs you had back when you became Crown-in-Waiting. You bend down to lock eyes with him, “you’re going to do great, no matter the outcome.” You hope you give a sufficient enough smile as you rest a hand on his shoulder, “we’ll arrive after nightfall as well, so it won’t be long before we’re united again, okay?”

He inhales slowly, holds it, and while straightening his back, exhales slowly again. He seems more determined as he gives you a big smile, “thank you, your majesty.” he says as he gets ready to leave you.

After Hinata’s left, you’re all by the campfire, eating a small provisional breakfast. Kageyama’s trying to sleep a few hours before you leave after having the final part of the night shift. Sawamura scratches at his ever-growing beard and you smile, “it’s really grown out these days, huh.” You say and he laughs. One of those deep ones that rumbles from his stomach, “I admit I have forgotten to pack a proper looking glass and blade.”

You smile and take a bite out from the small bowl on your lap, “it suits you. Beards are very handsome.”

Next to you, Sugawara chokes on a piece of bread. With a worried look you turn to him, leaning in to see if he’s alright. You pat his back and he raises an arm, “I’m okay, your majesty,” he manages to wheeze out and you smile, “you have to be careful.”

Sugawara nods as he wipes off his mouth with his sleeve. He freezes when he feels the pad of your fingers against his cheek, “you haven’t grown out much hair,” you absentmindedly state, eyes locked on his lips, the valley of his cupids bow as you feel the softness of his skin. You’re pulled out of your daze by the roaring laughter around you. You look to Sawamura and Azumane who’s both wheezing out, Sawamura hitting his thigh too in order to control his laughter. Sugawara pouts and scolds them, “shut up you two!” he tries, but they hardly listen.

You laugh at the antics in front of you, “did I say something amiss?” you ask and Azumane heaves in a breath, “Suga’s never been able to grow a beard, it’s his insecurity, your majesty.”

“Hey!” Sugawara yells and your eyes trace back to him, he’s pointing at Azumane with his butter knife, “stop telling people about that!” he side-eyes you for a second and then, in a frustrated whisper adds, “especially them!” as if you wouldn’t be able to hear him.

Sawamura laughs, “when we were little, Suga drew a picture of us grown up, and he had this big beard on the drawing – so you can imagine his disappointment,” he jokes and you laugh. Sugawara mumbles out unintelligible yet clearly annoyed words.

“Yeah, in front of the castle, right?” Sawamura asks and Azumane confirms, “yeah, he drew it shortly before I left as my parting gift. I still have it in my chambers.”

You look around at the three men in front of you with slight confusion, “you grew up together?”

They all return your confused look, staring at you as if you’d just grown three heads and not simply asked an innocent question. Azumane smiles, “did I fail to mention so, your majesty? We’re all from the same hometown.”

You nod as you piece together the childhood stories you’ve gotten before from both Azumane and Sugawara. Like a painting receiving it’s finer lines, you start to visualize who was with them in the stories they’ve told. You raise a hand to your mouth as you bark out a laugh, “I didn’t realize! But I can see how it makes sense…”

You sigh, “…must be nice, to stay so close after so many years.”

They all nod, solemnly, and the rest of the breakfast is finished in silence. It’s comfortable, but there’s a fog around you that Sugawara can’t seem to see through. He’s not sure how to give you any reassuring words.

                                                          ///    

When you arrive at the outskirts of town, there’s quiet. You can see the light from the houses littering the scenery and nothing seems amiss. There’re still a few miles to the center of the town, so you stretch your arms over your head as you straighten your back. Sawamura is by your side instantly, “do you need a break, your majesty?” he asks and you smile at him as you shake your head, “I’m fine, Sawamura. Thank you, though.”

Sugawara and Kageyama are walking behind with the remaining mule and Azumane’s walking a few steps ahead. Sawamura paces his walking to yours, and a comfortable silence settles over you as you take in your surroundings.

You heave in a breath to gather courage and clench your fists at your sides, then you turn to Sawamura, “ho- “your voice is higher pitched than you’d like, so you steel yourself again, “how was Sugawara as a child?”

Sawamura looks at you, startled to begin with but loosens up with a sort of fatherly smile. He looks up at the sky as you continue walking side by side, “Suga? He’s not much different now, I’d say. He’s mischievous when he wants to be, but other than that he’s got a stout heart – he doesn’t sway easily.”

You nod, playing with your fingers to alleviate your own nervousness. Sawamura sighs, “he’s always there for the people he cares about. He picked a fight with some older guys when we were kids, because they picked on his brother.” Sawamura chuckles at the memory.

“He’s a romantic, too.” Sawamura adds and it sounds much like an afterthought to you, but if Sugawara had heard him say those words to you, he’d scolded him. You feel your pulse quicken from something other than the brisk pace you’re walking as you hurry to avert your eyes to the ground. You’re about to say something when you’re abruptly interrupted, “psst!”

You all turn your heads to the hedge you’re walking next to, Sawamura already holding onto the handle of his sword, ready to fight if necessary. It’s an elderly lady in a cloak looking directly at you. She’s so small that her head is barely above the hedge’s edge. “Who walks there?” Sawamura demands, all loud and imposing but she hurries to hush him, “quiet! Come in quickly, before everyone knows you’ve arrived.”

She motions for you all to come in through the gates to the modest house. Inside, there’s lights in one of the rooms and you can see someone else walking around.

“Daichi.” Sugawara says from behind you, his voice level and even. You can hear the coldness to it, his message clear that he does not trust this lady. You smile gently at her as she tries to make you hurry, “if they spot you there’ll be trouble, so please, your majesty.”

That makes all of you tense up and Sawamura hurries to drag out his sword, pointing it towards her. He asks you to stand back but you walk closer to the gate, and lower Sawamura’s sword with your hand as you pass him, “I believe we can trust her.”

You’re not sure why. You have no recollection of meeting this woman, but you feel safe when you lock eyes with her. She bows slightly and opens the gates for you, “the mule can grass behind the house, just hurry.”

When you’re inside, you’re seated by a table. Sawamura and Sugawara’s standing by the entrance with their arms crossed, not happy with your decision to come inside and they’re not afraid to make it known. Azumane’s sitting with you, profusely apologizing for your company’s manners. You’re all waiting in awkward silence for Kageyama to walk in through the door after securing the mule to a post.

There’s another woman humming as she’s preparing a kettle of water. You can’t determine her age, but she isn’t much younger than the other one. You faintly recognize the melody she’s humming, but you cannot place it. When you finally ask her where the melody is from, she chuckles as she answers you, “it’s my own. I sang it for my son when he was just a babe.” She hands you a steaming hot cup of tea and you bow to her as you hurry to thank her – both for the cup of tea but certainly also for the hospitality – even if the circumstances seem dubious to your traveling company.

The door from the gardens open and Kageyama treads in with the elderly lady in hand, helping her up the heightened steps. “Oh, your majesty, I’m so delighted you’ve been tended to,” the elderly lady exclaims happily, excusing herself as she walks past Sawamura and Sugawara, who both declined any refreshments.

“I believe an introduction’s in order.” She says nonchalantly, seating herself next to you, “I’m Takeda Airi,” she bows to you unceremoniously before she grabs one of the pastries from the center of the table. Both you and Sugawara perk up and take a look at each other, recognizing the name immediately.

She lets out a shrill laugh, “you two can’t be fooled, I take it.” She notices, and you smile sheepishly, “am I wrong to assume Takeda Ittetsu is a family member of yours?” you ask, putting down your cup on the table. Airi hands you a pastry without asking if you wanted any, and the other woman scolds her, “mother! Don’t force feed the crown!”

She waves her off, “Ittetsu told me that the crown loves sweet things. Which is why I had you baking!”

You can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation. You’d never known your tutoring scribe’s family history or ever imagined yourself in his family’s home. Airi seems special and almost familiar to you, now that you can take a better look at her. Her nose is rounded and flat, while her eyes are still big and all-seeing. When she catches you staring, you straighten your back. She smiles knowingly, “you’ve realized we’ve met before.” She states, and Sugawara walks over to stand by your side. You’re not sure of his intentions.

You’re about to ask her to make sense of this feeling in you when she claps her hands together, “we don’t have time for the past! Your majesty, you must leave.”

“Leave?” you exclaim, not able to hold back a grimace. She nods, “this duchy does not see you in a very good light. Your very life is in danger just by being here.”

Your throat feels dry but your mouth waters in anxiety. You try to gulp but feel unable to. Sugawara puts a hand on your shoulder, “with all due respect, we came to figure out why.”

Airi nods before giving Sugawara a grim look, “you have been doing a poor job, advisor. Letting your crown come so far into a lion’s den.” Everyone tenses, Sawamura and Kageyama take another battle stance at her comment. She then lets out another shrill laugh, “oh I don’t mean me, obviously! The town! The duchy!” she raises her arms to further her point, “the duke is not to be trusted.”

The other woman sighs, “mother, you’re confusing them,” she then turns to you all with a warm smile, “I’m Hina. Ittetsu’s mother.”

You take a bite of the pastry shoved in your hands earlier. She then sighs and look out the window, clenching her fists by her chest, “Duke Takashi killed your father.”

The air gets hard to breathe. It’s like there isn’t any air in the air you were breathing, your throat feeling tight; mouth numb. The ringing in your ears become distinctly louder and your blood feels heavy, rushing through you. In a far corner of your sense of self, you feel the hand on your shoulder tighten. You think the pastry in your hand might’ve fallen to the ground. The sweet aftertaste of cinnamon lingers on your tastebuds, suffocating you.

You register the raised voices around you, but none of the words gets processed. Your eyes are open but they’re looking inwards. There’s a burning wire of fire in your heart, ablaze and uncontrollable. You think you hear your father’s voice somewhere, repeating your name. As the voice gets clearer and clearer, the sound of your name gets more and more distorted.

You heave in a desperate breath as you’re pulled back to reality. Airi’s hand is touching yours, her ring cold on your skin. You recognize it immediately, the Black wings of the Crow crafted into a ring instead of a pin. You look at her with questioning eyes and she smiles gently, “one thing at a time, my dearest. Now, take a deep breath for me.”

She takes deep breaths to instruct you and you seem to follow them with ease. Sugawara tries to relax next to you, but he can’t deny the bizarreness of this entire situation. He holds his breath until yours is back under control.

Hina asks Sawamura and Kageyama to sit down as well as she starts explaining. Duke Takashi came into his dukedom shortly before the drought, known locally as the power-hungry, youngest son of the Takashi family. His older brother tragically died in a housefire shortly before ascending his duty and therefor Takashi stood to inherit it all.

There was a big change of staff when he entered his role, new rules bestowed upon the duchy.

“After the drought, he held an assembly to tell us of the kingdom’s decision of abandonment.”

Sugawara raises an eyebrow. No such decision was ever made – or even discussed. Hina smiles patiently, “you all looked confused. See, Duke Takashi is good at many things. Manipulating and isolating his duchy is undoubtedly his strongest suit.”

Airi scoffs and interrupts, “that snake.”

Hina nods, agreeing with her mother, “the treaty with Fukurodani Empire was still new at the time and he used it to his advantage. Made us believe that the crown was trying to give us up, abandon us.”

You suck in your teeth, fear gripping at your heart as you try to steady the beating. Hina continues, “your father did a lot of good things for the duchy during the crisis. He even came here, in this very kitchen, with food to help sustain us – and a lot of other homes.”

Airi sighs, “but time does as time does best. If it is not taken care of, it forgets. It leaves behind knowledge.”

“But what does that have to do with Duke Takashi?” Sugawara asks, though he thinks he might’ve pieced it together by now. He doesn’t like where it’s going.

Airi’s about to open her mouth and speak more when Hina hisses, “they’re here.”

You whip your head to the window and through the darkness of the outside, you make out a few torches and movement. More detailed it won’t become, so long as there’s light in the house.

“Hide, upstairs!” Airi says as she pulls you up from your chair with surprising strength. Sugawara grabs your hand and leads you first towards the stairs he noticed at the back of the hallway when they arrived. He hears the others are right behind the two of you.

You take a look back and see Airi smile gently at you, tapping her ring finger with her other hand. You know it means her allegiance lies with you, though fear still has a wholesome grip around your throat. You’re not sure what’s going to happen, but you know nothing must happen to her.

You’re huddled in the back with Azumane and Sugawara hovering over you, arms around you protectively, as Sawamura and Kageyama stand ready with weapons in case anyone will show up.

You hear the muffled noise of knocking on the door and Airi tiredly yelling she’s on her way when the knocking becomes more aggressive. You strain your eyes to listen to the words spoken but can only make out the hostility of the voice speaking, not the words. The voices raise and you hear something being thrown, which makes your body react before you can really think your actions through.

You jump up from your bent position, passing Sawamura and Kageyama before they can even react to your actions, jumping – and almost falling – down the stairs, a determined glare in your eyes. You see Airi on the floor next to the stool she’d been pushed towards and Hina crouched by her, holding up her head. Airi looks at you and yells out a “no!” but you only have eyes for the man who still has his arm raised from the push.

Duke Takashi.

When he sees you, a sinister grin appears on his face. He pulls back his arm and readjusts his sleeve, as if the wrinkles he’d gotten from his violence was more revolting than the action itself.

“Oh, your majesty, what brings you here? What a pleasant surprise.”

You scoff, “surprise?”

You hear the others hurry down the stairs to you but before they can round the corner, Takashi’s already jumped into action, pulling your back close to him with a knife to your throat. Involuntarily, you let out a whine from the impact as you try to scratch at his arms, kick his legs, anything.

But he doesn’t budge. He merely kicks at Airi as if your struggle was a daytime breeze.

“Get Airi and Hina away from here!” you choke out between labored breaths, and Sawamura orders Kageyama help them get up and behind them.

“Let them go, Duke Takashi and you shan’t be punished.”

Takashi laughs again as he starts walking backwards and out of the house with you in tow, “oh I don’t believe that at all, you simple knights have no honor left.”

Outside, a mob has gathered. It’s the people of the town, and they’re all making way for Takashi to hold you in the center, demanding their attention.

“Everyone! We have them in our grasp!” he starts, toying with the knife close to your throat, laughing triumphantly.

“Our plans had setbacks, sure, but now we can reclaim the full prize. There is simply no heir to take the throne and what will happen when they tragically pass due to a group of bandits? I, Duke Takashi, will of course lend my aid to the kingdom.”

Sugawara clenches his fists, “there’ll be no place for you on the throne!” he yells, and one of Takashi’s guardsmen takes a hold of him. “Let me go!” he yells, but it’s futile. His shoulder’s acting up and the fatigue from the other bruises that he’d hidden well from you, is catching up to him. He’s powerless. He sends Sawamura a pleading look, but his look is steeled entirely on you, sword raised as he tries to figure out what to do. How to get you back safe.

“Won’t there? You’re the advisor, Sugawara, so tell me. What happens if there’s no one to ascend the throne? Hm? That’s right, the dukes are put to a vote to become stewards of the kingdom.”

“As if they’d vote for you!” Sugawara spits back and the guard tightens his grip on Sugawara’s arms, making him kneel. You whine at seeing him being hurt.

“Oh, so you think I’ve been snoozing the past five or so years? You haven’t noticed the good relations I’ve been making with the other duchies? The aid I’ve provided them?”

Sugawara’s eyes widen. The lowered tax – Sugawara had assumed that Takashi had kept the money to himself instead of giving it to his duchy, that he’d hoarded wealth for his own gain – but the plot had been much bigger than Sugawara had caught on to. This was more than just stealing money from his own duchy.

It’s a coup d’état.

A carefully planned one at that.

You scratch at his arms and he groans, “stop moving, your majesty, I’ll finish this soon enough.” He says your title mockingly. You hear the sound of crows cawing somewhere in the distance.

“You stole your people’s money!” you manage to yell out as you kick his knee. Takashi yells out as he hits your head with the blunt end of the blade, making you disoriented.

The guard holding Sugawara tightly suddenly loosens his grip – not enough to be visible to anyone else, but certainly felt by Sugawara. Sugawara notices some of the guards looking around at each other, their angry and victorious faces going pale, confused, questioning.

Sugawara takes his chances, “you stole the much-needed money from a hurt duchy and redistributed it to other well-functioning duchies, didn’t you? The crown lowered the taxes to help the people here, but you didn’t lower their payments!”

More confusion, more questions.

Sawamura smiles confidently but with reprehension still as he quietly says, “these people are helping you on false pretenses, aren’t they? Do they know the truth?”

Takashi starts backing away more, tightening his grip on your throat. You try to resist, but he’s strong – and the knife is lodged so close, that you can feel the sting of the blade. Your head pounds, making your vision blurry. You feel blood tickle down your brow. You have to trust your men.

You detect panic in his voice as he frantically starts explaining to his men how they’d get in on his success, too. How he’d share the riches of the kingdom with them. One yells back, “there was riches! But you took them!”

“My daughter passed away because you said we couldn’t afford to pay the local doctor to stay in town!” another yells, anguished.

Words like worthy sacrifice, small evils needed and desperate attempts to convince them of his righteousness is thrown around, but he’s frantically grasping at straws now that he’s been exposed.

He pushes the blade enough to break skin. Sugawara calls your name again and you almost smile. You must be delirious from the pain because somehow you feel happy that he called your name again. You never thought you’d hear it again, much less this soon. He calls it with a hoarser voice and as the guard lets go of him, you can see he intends to run to you. Sawamura stops him with an arm and the yelling is now directed at him instead.

Sugawara can’t see what you can from your perspective on the other side of the hedge, and you know Sawamura’s taking a gamble based on his hearing only.

Takashi laughs manically, hysterically, shrill in your ear as he presses the knife, getting ready to slice. You try to mouth ‘it’s okay’ to Sugawara but it seems to make his anger rise even more.

Takashi raises the knife again and lifts it high to get ready to end your life. A mocking salute is heard from him.

And that’s when you hear the sound of an arrow pass cleanly by your head.

The sound and feel of blood gushing out will probably be forever ingrained in your memory. You look to the side to see one of Sawamura’s guards with a bow. Behind him is one with a shield and a sword, together with Hinata. You smile at them before your legs give in underneath you.

You expect to hit the ground, given that Takashi’s body is pulling you down with him.

Sugawara scrapes his knees as he tries to run to you so fast that he stumbles. The last few steps are crawled but he reaches you before your upper body falls further down, grabbing a hold of your shoulders.

Panicked, one-syllable words are thrown at you, his behavior mirroring yours when he was stabbed. You almost laugh. His hands search your face and wipes your tears and drags stray hairs away from your face. You’re about to open your mouth and make a mother hen joke when his lips are colliding onto yours.

You’re rigid at first before you relax your mouth and mold your lips to fit his. Right as you’re starting to enjoy the feeling, he pulls away, apologies thick on his tongue, panic laced in his voice. He hasn’t gotten very far away from you before you lean forward to kiss him back.

You’re rougher, and your teeth clash, the kiss much more undignified than when he initiated it, but it’s no less perfect to you. When he pulls away, slower this time, you let him, searching his eyes. He still looks terrified and his breathing is still panicked, “I thought I’d lost you.” he admits. You smile and kiss him again, this time short and sweet, “oh, you won’t get rid of me that easily.”

Behind you, you hear the bellowing laugh of the guard who shot the arrow. You think his name might be Nishinoya. Sawamura walks up to them – he puts a hand on your shoulder on the way and smiles at you.

“Nishinoya.” Sawamura then says gratefully, and you make a mental note of giving that man a title as well. Nishinoya yells, “I told you guys I’d always have your back as the Guardian Deity!” you hear Hinata’s excitement too as you laugh and rest your head on Sugawara’s shoulder. Then, a stray tear slips past your defenses, “is it over?” you croak out, almost too afraid to ask. Sugawara laughs airily, like he can’t believe it either, but he rests his head on yours, “yes, your majesty.”

You’re glad to have found the truth, relieved that you can now let your father go knowing what has happened. The steps in front of you are also now clear, like he’s paved them for you before he left.

You smile into Sugawara’s shoulder and close your eyes. It’ll be okay.

My cat’s final contribution. He thanks you for reading his words and for your kind feedback in earlier chapters. He knows his words are superior to mine and CLEARLY is what’s made you all come back to this work:

nnnnnnnnnmmm,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

hggggggggggggggggggggggggggghjnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

#haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #sugawara koushi x reader #sugawara x reader #hq x you #haikyuu x you #nohr.writing #whew i really hope yall like it [pleading emoji] [profusely sweating] #i feel so bad abt the delay which in turn makes me feel like it has to be BETTER bcos u waited so long which is. a viscious cycle #I ALSO HAVE SO MCUH LORE FOR AIRI!!!!! U WONT FUCKING BELIEVE LMFAO

[sentientgopro]

Alright, later today will be the one week mark since cracking, and its wild how much has changed and how much has stayed the same. Sure, I still can't actually transition for quite a long time, but just the realisations and understanding this has brought me has been life changing. To focus less on the trans part for a second, Its fucking shocking how much having something to look forward to has affected me. I never noticed how bad shit was before until its gotten better. To see the extent to which a lack of positive reasons to Carry On actually affected me on a day to day basis. But I don't wanna dwell on that, Im getting shit done and am catching up with where I should be academically. Reaching Uni keeps looking easier and easier. And yes, I still have times where I feel how I felt before. i make a small mistake, get berated for it, and wonder why I fuckin bother Carrying On. But even at that time, I know its temporary, I know itll pass, and it does. That wasn't happening before, it just stuck.

As I uncover more about myself, Im noticing more and more dysphoria, beit feelings I didnt notice before or things I did notice and found other explanations for. I know this is gonna get worse, but fuck it, I can actually recover from things now. Ill manage. Things aren't actually changing right now, I cant safely transition yet, but as I said, things also have changed.

So far this has primarily been a wider reflection on the past week but I do have something new to add. Ive noticed that, at times, I have felt like being masc is right, that having a deeper voice is right, etc. And I wondered, is it some kinda fluidity? NB? Its only certain situations, most of the time I do feel fem, so what's up with that?

And then I think about a show I'm watching right now, Gen V, and it all makes sense.

Jordan Li's powers aren't exactly clearly defined, but basically, they switch between a man and woman at will (Its not full shapeshifting, the power is binary), as well as having other general superpowers depending on which they are, making for some cool fight scenes. But outside of the fight scenes, the way the show explores which they choose is interesting (and the show DOES explicitly state what Im about to say.)

Its made clear that Jordan is more comfortable as a girl, which their parents hate. Theres a decent chunk of one episode clearly about "HES our little boy, what happened to HIM" while Jordan, originally a guy in this scene, switches infront of their parents to be more comfortable.

So why, outside of combat, do they choose to be masc?

They do it when they try to make a point. Appear authoratative and/or respectable. When interacting with people who they don't think would like them as a girl (e.g their girlfriend, Marie the protagonist, who isn't explicity bi, atleast not yet, and Jordan says they would rather be comfortable as a girl with Marie but they don't know if shes okay with it.)

And I can't help but think that makes TOTAL sense. I feel more masc at work when I want to appear strong, capable, and, dare I say it, "cool". When I'm talking to people I wish respected me more. When I'm with friends, people I know are allies and some queer, I feel more fem. I don't think I'm fluid, I think this I feel the same kinda way as Jordan.

The key takeaway from this for me is that genuinely, representation, especially in the most random places, is so good. Its interesting watching it with my parents because its a world where superpowers are very real, and this person CAN switch at will on every level. And they have to drop the "not a real man/woman" argument and struggle to find a different reason to hate what they see. The representation characters like Jordan provide says "Okay, if we play by your rules and portray what a """real man/ woman""" looks like, this is the REAL situations queer people face and the way they are treated. And you still agree with the people treating them that way. Your problem is NOT how much they are actually like their chosen gender." And its good being in something unexpected. My parents would not watch your standard kinda "queer media", yknow, stuff like heartstopper or whatever (idk, I dont either so idk what Im talking abt.) But putting good, well written rep in a spin off of a show where a dude in a trench coat shoves a bomb up an invisible dudes ass and he says cunt alot exposes them to things they would not otherwise be exposed to.

And thats only talking about the minimal effect this rep has on people who disagree with it. Much more important is the exposure for queer people who don't know it yet, or don't know how they feel, and it provides understanding, something to look at and say "thats me". Honestly, Im gettin a little tired of writing this rn, anything I could say about that aspect of representation has been said a million times already, So Ill leave it there.

So, to conclude, with the absolute hardest line ever said in a show, from Jordan Li:

"Tag team cocksplosion."

Okay maybe not the best choice.

#196 #transgender #transfem #lgbt representation #queer representation #personal logs

[thoughts-and-gayers]

ive been thinking about civil rights recently, specifically trans rights, as thats a marginalized group im a part of thats actively being hurt. i see people talking about the awful things done to trans people, the hate speech, the bills signed into law that make it dangerous for us to even exist. its terrifying to me, to think that im going to be leaving high school and entering a world that actively wants to kill me.

i just watched jessie gender's multi-hour video on jk rowling, and it articulated so many of my thoughts about transness in our. current society that i had no idea how to say. one thing she emphasized was how talking about these specific people, these little one-off incidents, is counterproductive. obviously things like hogwarts legacy and "what is a woman" matter, but should we really be talking about them as much as we are when anti-trans bills are passed faster than we can keep track of?

the way our society is right now, short and snappy thoughts about those tiny 24 hour stories are the only thing that gets attention. when you talk about trans rights, youre saying "dont support harry potter", youre not saying "stop the us government from actively hurting trans people".

but people dont listen when you talk about the big stuff. talking about the latest drama is much more entertaining than talking about the actual horrors that people are facing. we're at a point where we can call pointing and laughing at bigots a form of activism.

its so much easier not to learn about the deeper issues. for non-marginalized folk especially, supporting the marginalized celebrity is a lot easier than addressing systematic issues. but we dont get that privilege. we have to go to bat for the big shit, with or without allies. we dont get the luxury, the privilege, of not taking the time to understand and address bigotry and its sources.

im so tired. its exhausting even just learning about everything thats happening. and im not out of high school yet, so theres not a lot i can actually do out there. im trying to learn everything i can about everything thats happening, and its just so exhausting, all the time. on top of that, i also spend my energy on educating other people, trying to get them to understand what's taken me hours of work to get to myself.

and as a white person, i cant even imagine how much harder it must be for POC, especially when they exist at intersections of queerness, womanhood, disability, and/or more. im trying my best to learn about specific struggles that don't necessarily apply to me, but theres so much that a lot of the time i dont even know where to start.

cis, straight, male, white, abled, allo; people who fall under these dont have an obligation to learn about any marginalized group theyre not a part of, especially if theyre not a part of any of them. but they can still go online and say "fuck celebrity x" and get lauded as the pinnacle of allyship. they can make short, snappy, performative displays of their helpfulness without putting in any of the work to actually help. they have the privilege to do so. i as a white person have the privilege to do so, even if i try not to.

im so scared to go out into the world after i graduate and face all these inequalities, to try and deal with the horrors that high school and the internet have only been a small taste of. the most i can do is learn as much as i can before then, but i lose the motivation to every day when theres so little i can do to help; when the people who can help choose to do nothing anyway.

and this post, the closest thing my hungover ass can get to an in-depth analysis, likely wont get any attention at all. its not short, its not snappy, its not entertaining. its just a teenage nonbinary lesbian ranting about existential dread for way longer than he probably should have. and no, this isnt me begging for a reblog otherwise youre a bad person. saying stuff like that doesnt help anyway, since people would just snuff it out of spite instead of looking at the overall message. its just the way things are, not just here but everywhere.

im just so scared, and tired, and sad, and angry, all the fucking time.

#marie long posts #trans rights #civil rights #activism #queer rights #trans #hogwarts legacy #jessie gender #transphobia #bigotry

[fuckyeahdindjarin]

Rereading Greys beacuseI I'm obsessed with the very quick switch of teasing Frankie with joking about gossip of being big boy morales, to washing his hair and being like "oh lord don't look stop this jesus how many pants does he need to replace soley beacuse his massive dick must wear the fabric out quickly dont get attracted to him theres no way hed return that shit"

And then also cut to you very innocently enjoying doing his hair and making innocent comments about like how handsome this can help show off about him, and Frankies like "am i getting turned on by this popes doing this certainly never turned me on is it just her doing it turning me on specifically- oh lord deeper? Harder? Jesus christ think about anything but how much youre gonna try to not get off later to your voice saying that so naively in my ear fuck it im kissing her cheek thats a whole other moment im going to inevitably jack off to guiltily later"

These two were just total disasters the second you actually started to run your hands through his hair.

Ok Anon I am obsessed with this ask. You’re absolutely correct about the timing of the shift of their dynamics, and you’ve nailed the inner monologues for both of them, I’m grinning so hard right now!

I nearly choked at the ‘Pope doing this certainly never turned me on’ part and ‘fuck I’m kissing her cheek’ 😂

And Frankie thinking about Shiv while jacking off? Please, I’m 🫠

Thank you for sending this in lovely, you made my day!

#fuckyeahasks #fuckyeahgrays

[randombubblegum]

i have so much to say about parx and fuck about it and i’m sorry but i’m unloading it on to you. so unfortunately:( i do like it. and even bigger unfortunately i think i’m really gonna like parx5. not in like a twitter stan awsten can do no wrong way but in a way that some of these lyrics are hitting for me the way they used to. i know a lot of them are like REALLY BAD but some of them are really tapping into the “unhealthy relationship all about sex” part of my life that has me Feeling It. and because of that fuck about it literally made me unhinged. because it’s SO different from how awsten used to write. and 90% of me knows it’s because he’s trying to reach this tik tok kind of clout where you have one Zinger of a line that goes viral and yadda yadda yadda. it’s the same thing he did for GH. he’s trying so hard to be down with the kids. but that other 10% of me really thinks this kind of writing (mainly in FAB and brainwashed) but this like overly sexual kind of writing really just shows how different he sees these girls than he did ciara. like DD and Ent had so many metaphors for sex that were coded in love that you wouldn’t catch it if you didn’t know. (also where i think the “awsten is a virgin” joke started) but it was because he loved her so much and so differently that sex wasn’t all there was. but with dog girl and song girl that’s really all they have. and the lyrics are a lot more explicit “i am having sex” because he doesn’t care about them beyond that. i mean “give me 3 days, 3 days alone” is a loooong way from “who needs space from across the country” and anyway i like to shit on the new music as much as the next person and i think his song writing has really gone downhill but every now and then there are still parts of that good shit in there, it’s just different because HE is different.

i am so sorry for this long as message but no one will discuss parx with me so alas, here i am. 😔💚

ok i gotta admit i was bristling by the middle of this ask but i think you make some good points actually LOL. points that make awsten look like a fucking douchebag asshole, but points none the less.

ent and dd DID have coded lyrics for sex in then!!! a lot of little lyrical nods up until fandom actually, and i think thats very natural for awsten to write. like That is how he chooses to write about sex, when he does at all. and in the relationships and feelings he was in at the time (ciara, but also the gr*ce breakup… and you know who was involved with that one…?) there WAS more than sex to make them emotionally impactful for him!!!! theres songs about the longing and chasing and aching and hurting and gutting and joy and anger about ciara over THREE albums!!!!!!!!

in contrast we know for a fact he never gave even half a shit about dog girl emotionally. its clear not only in his lyrics but in how he acted to her and what she said about him. truly i cannot imagine he feels anything deeper for song girl besides “shes hot, i bagged her like im supposed to, this is what men do, im performing heterosexuality correctly” and a dash of intense codependence on her end lol

BUT, and this is a huge but, this is giving him a LOT of credit that hes not just shitting ~toxic edgy~ lyrics out for tiktok, bc thats what tiktok likes. these lyrics and ways of writing are SO hateful to the actual girls hes talking about and SO unlike his literal entire personality up until now that its baffling. it doesnt feel like hes genuinely writing from his own experiences.

i can understand and sympathize with you liking these lyrics bc theyre personally relatable to you at this chaotic self destructive time in your life but that truly does not make them good or deep no matter how much benefit we give him by trying to assign them deeper meaning

#mail time! #neg #long post