#and im worrying that i annoy people by worrying so i worry more

[luuuuucyscorner]

𝐂𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐞- 𝐀𝐧𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐲 𝐕𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐧

Info: Ant asks reader on a date

Tags: Kissing, fluff

word count: 9970

gif by me

“ Oi! You wait I gotta ask you something! ”

Ant calls out as you are about to leave SLTs since the class was over for today.

"sure Ant, whats up?" you turn and smile brightly at the erratic boy.

“You know I've wanted to talk to you for a while now, and uh… well, you have really nice soft-looking hair,” Ant nervously begins, fidgeting with his pencil. “I don’t know how to say this, but… do you want to hang out sometime? Maybe grab a coffee or something?” He tries to muster up the courage to ask you out, blushing slightly.

"Anthony Vaughn are you asking me out?" you ask teasingly.

“Err… yeah, umm, I guess that's what it is!” Ant responds, trying to hide his embarrassment with a laugh. “It's just that, I've seen you around, and well, you seem like a cool person to talk to. And besides, you're mesmerizing.” He takes a deep breath, attempting to gain some composure. “So, what do you say? Fancy getting some coffee together?”

"sure cutie, when and where?" you ask excitedly.

“Uh, wow, you actually said yes! I didn't think id get this far... How does tomorrow afternoon at, like, two o'clock sound?” Ant asks, clearly relieved and happy at your response. “We can meet at the Starbucks near school, okay?” he suggests shyly, he gives you a thumbs-up, trying to act casual but still beaming with joy inside.

"two? alright perfect ill see you there cutie" you smile at his jittery performance.

“Sure thing, then! Thanks for agreeing to this; I promise I won't annoy you too much,” Ant chuckles nervously, “See you tomorrow at two, and try not to be late or you'll hear it from me!” He playfully teases, grinning widely at the thought of spending time with you. “I better get going now, though. See ya!”

he runs off down the hall, bumping into people and as you watch Ant run away, you can't help but laugh at his adorable clumsiness. You gather your things and start walking home, feeling a mix of excitement and amusement about your upcoming coffee date.

...

the next day you call Amerie and Harper over to help you choose what to wear and to do your make up. Harper sits behind you, on hair duty and Amerie is lying on your bed sucking a lollipop and chattering about nonsense.

Amerie rolls her eyes at Harper's choice of eyeshadow, but she appreciates the effort. “No way, that shade doesn't suit you! You should go for something more natural, like this one.” She grabs another palette and starts applying it to you, giving you a reassuring smile. “Hey, so are you nervous about meeting Ant or just excited?” She inquires between bites of her lollipop.

Harper, meanwhile, is concentrating on styling your hair, trying different looks until she finds one that complements your outfit and makeup perfectly. “Almost got it! Just need to fix those flyaways,” she mumbles, using a comb to neaten up your locks.

As you chat and prepare for your date, you can't help but feel grateful for their company and support. The three of you share laughs and banter throughout the process, making the experience enjoyable despite the slight nerves.

"I'm sort of nervous, hes so sweet and i want it to go well. but im super excited!" you tell them.

“Oh, come on, you're gonna knock him off his feet, don't worry!” Amerie exclaims confidently, finishing up your makeup and stepping back to assess her work. “Look at you now, looking stunning and ready to conquer the world!” She giggles.

Harper nods in agreement, running her fingers through your locks one last time. “Definitely, you deserve someone who treats you well and adores you. And if anyone can handle Ant's quirks, it's you!” She grins, handing you a mirror to check your hair.

The trio high-fives each other, celebrating your new look and the anticipation of your date. As you head out the door, Amerie gives you a quick hug, telling you to have fun. Harper waves goodbye, wishing you luck with a thumbs-up.

...

On the bus ride to the coffee shop, you can't help but fidget with your clothing, ensuring everything is in place. As you glance around, you notice other students and adults going about their daily routines, which makes you feel even more self-conscious. Taking a deep breath, you remind yourself that Ant likes you for who you are and that you shouldn't let anxiety ruin the moment.

When you arrive at the Starbucks, you spot Ant standing near the entrance, waiting patiently with two cups of coffee in his hands. He smiles brightly when he sees you approach, waving hello.

you smile widely back "hey cutie! is that for me?" you motion to the cup in his hand

“Of course, it's for my gorgeous date!” Ant replies enthusiastically, handing you a cup. “I took the liberty of ordering our drinks already, hope you don't mind. It's a vanilla latte, your favorite, right?” He asks, hoping he remembered correctly. “Come on, we can find a table and get comfortable.”

you follow him to a secluded table outside, "you remembered my order? i mentioned it like, one time two terms ago" you say, surprised.

“Of course, I remember all the important details like that!” Ant responds proudly, pulling out a chair for you. “Plus, you know, I might have stalked your social media accounts a little…” He admits sheepishly, laughing nervously. “But seriously, I'm glad I could remember something you like. Settle in, and let's enjoy this beautiful day!” He motions to the sunny weather and cozy atmosphere around you.

"ever the charmer Ant" you giggle, taking a sip of your drink.

Sitting across from you, Ant watches you take a sip and seems pleased with your reaction. “So, what's been going on in your life lately? Any exciting news or plans?” He inquires, trying to strike up conversation and learn more about you. “And hey, don't worry about being perfect or anything. Just be yourself, because, well, I like you for who you are.” He adds genuinely, his eyes never leaving yours.

"i know ant, and same goes for you cutie" you tell him. then "and nah not too much going on recently, what about you?"

“Thanks, I appreciate that!” Ant replies warmly, smiling softly. “Well, I've been focusing on my studies lately. Trying to improve my grades so I can impress my parents, you know how it is.” He chuckles. “Besides that, I've been drawing comics in my free time, trying to turn it into something bigger someday.” He explains, feeling more relaxed discussing his passion. “What about you? Any big dreams?"

"god i dont know. make it out of highschool?" you laugh "id love to get into journalism maybe?"

“Journalism? That sounds amazing!” Ant comments, genuinely interested. He expresses his opinion, sipping his own drink thoughtfully. “If you ever need help with proof-reading or anything, just let me know. I'd be more than willing to assist.” His eyes light up, eager to show support. “What kind of music do you listen to?"

"oh well you know, a little bit of everything. i love some Indie stuff though, like Mac the Knife and Royel Otis" you tell him animatedly.

“Mac the Knife and Royel Otis?! Awesome taste, I'm impressed!” Ant cheers, raising his cup in approval. “I've heard of both artists, they're quite talented. There's something unique about Indie music that resonates with me too.” He shares his preference, leaning in a little closer. “Anyway, I'm glad we have something in common. Maybe we can exchange some songs later?” His smile widens, suggesting a future bonding opportunity. “So, any plans for the coming weekend?”

"sure id love that!" you say "and nah no plans, probably just going to see what Harper and Am are doing and go from there"

“Perfect, I'll send you a few tracks tonight then,” Ant promises, jotting down a mental note. “Ah, I see. Well, hopefully, you have a blast hanging out with your friends. What do they usually get up to on weekends?” He inquires curiously, wanting to understand your friend group dynamics better. “And after this date, maybe we can catch a movie or grab dinner? Just a friendly suggestion.” He adds, subtly extending an invitation for future plans.

you groan "as much as id love to, it'll have to be another time. my parents want me back before dark to go to some event" you roll your eyes.

“An event, huh? Sounds fancy,” Ant remarks, trying not to show disappointment. “Well, if it's important to your family, I totally understand. We can definitely plan something else soon, no pressure.” He offers, maintaining a positive attitude. “Maybe next weekend? that is if Harper and Amerie cant make it” He suggests, keeping his hopes alive. “Hope you enjoy the event though, even if it means cutting our time short.”

"next weekend is perfect cutie!" you confirm.

“Next weekend it is then!” Ant exclaims, visibly relieved and excited. “I'll make sure to plan something extra special for our second date. Just give me some time and I'll do my best.” He promises, eager to make it memorable. "

thanks for understanding about the event. Can't argue with family obligations, right?” you tell him.

 He chuckles, accepting the situation gracefully. “Alright, shall we finish our coffees and part ways then?”

"yeah! thank you for the fantastic afternoon ant" you say genuinely

“My pleasure, honestly. I had a great time too!” Ant replies earnestly, wiping away a stray crumb from your lip. “Remember, I'm here for you if you ever just need a friend or someone to talk to. And I'll see you next weekend” He confirms, offering a reassuring smile. “Take care, and have fun at the event tonight. Don't forget to text me pictures!” He playfully insists, enjoying the playful banter. “Safe journey home!”

you share a warm embrace and just as he pulls away, you press a kiss to his cheek "you too cutie" you tease

Caught off guard, Ant's face turns bright red, but his smile remains as wide as ever. “Wow, you're bold, huh?” He chuckles, playfully swatting your arm. “I'll see you soon, then. Take care and have a fabulous time at the event!” He repeats, still feeling the warmth of your lips on his cheek. “Goodbye, lovely!” And with that, Ant heads off, his heart pounding with excitement and anticipation for their next encounter.

#spencer white #spider white #spider heartbreak high #spencer 'spider' white #heartbreak high #hbh #ameria wadia #ayesha madon #asher yasbincek #bryn chapman parish #anthony “ant” vaughn #ant vaughn #anthony vaughn #darren rivers #harper mclean #smut #fanfic #spencer white x reader #spider x reader #luuuuucyscorner #anthony vaughn x reader

[citrusinicake]

Day 2 :: Zombie Apocalypse

full text below

do you have any idea how fucking hard it is to be a zombie in this economy? you just go out there trying to have a bite to eat so you go up to some randos and they just start SHOOTING YOU! like straight up just SHOOTING YOU! like what the hell man? i mean i know im trying to rip your brains out and shit but cant you let a guy just fucking eat???? speaking of, this guy's brain tastes weird like im pretty sure its at least fifty percent plastic, maybe even a hundred percent i don't know. was he your boyfriend or something? does this mean you're single? wanna go out sometime? you're annoying as shit but i like that in a man, keeps you on your toes y'know? keeps you humble as well like you just wake up in bed one day and go "oh god this is the guy im dating and i don't even want to break up with him or anything what the hell's wrong with me," which i think is a pretty important thing to have-- at least for me 'cause im awesome as shit and if i don't have that sort of anchor i'll probably lke turn into god or something and i dont wanna be god. not out of self-esteem issues or anything, just out of principle 'cause i think that everyone should have a fair chance at killing me which not gonna lie is pretty easy but that's besides the point, the point is that i think anyone who wants to be god is fucking stupid and should just fucking die. like, hello??? who the hell do you think you are rying to reign above other people? are you stupid? are you dumb? hello? anyways, if you wanna know more about what i think of this i post a lot on r/atheism, im user u/waffleontopp-- wait , do i have to explain reddit to you? 'cause you seem more like a tumblrina to me, honestly reddit's pretty similar to tumblr so you won't have a lot of trouble figuring it out on your own but don't be shocked ifbyou see cock and balls on there since porn isn't banned there unlike tumblr. how's that whole thing treating you by the way? must be tough not seeing some girl's boobs every once in a while-- wait are you gay or bi? must be tough not seeing some guy's boobs every once in a while, that won't be problem if you start dating me though. haha just kidding, my chest is basically concave now after a survivor beat me repeatedly with a baseball bat so ive got like negative double D's now. oh but i do know this one guygirlthing whose boobs are out basically 24/7 who likes to hang out with me and this other guy so maybe that'll make up for it. they're not zombies and im pretty sure they didnt get infected so you don't have to worry about that but they miiiight have rabies or something im not sure to be honest so maybe watch out for that instead. if youre wondering why two non-infected humans are hanging out with a zombie then we're in the same boat, might have something to do with the possible rabies i mentioned earlier. also if they tell you that im their pet zombie that is simply not true, if anything it's the other way around, they're my pet guard dogs and they do basically anything i say even if it kills them. or at least i wish it would kill them, they're way too hardy in my opinion, i need them to die so i can eat their brains-- oh but then i'll have to do manual labor. hmm, on second thought, they can stay actually i don't wanna deal with all that. normally i dont even do my own kills nowadays, i just leave a trap or get the other two to do it for me, you guys just caught me offguard which is lowkey embarassing but trust me i am a huge, like Huge alpha sigma gamma male and would totally dominate everyone else around me. but not in a god way of course, just in a lone sigma alpha gamma wolf kinda way like those anime wolf furry drawings. you know the ones. and like im not a furry but not gonna lie they totally popped off with those

#mine.art #baconswagweek2024 #baconswag

[yuri-is-online]

I hope im not the only one who finds it kinda annoying when people write mc/prefect as someone who doesn't have basic table manners just so they can be taught by riddle in riddle x readers, or if they're slovenly and ungraceful just so vil can chide and "fix" them in vil x readers, or any other incompetent reader/yuu x competent LI dynamics out there. I know readers are supposed to be "empty" and flexible for many kinds of readers, but it started to feel alot like self-depreciation for me.

I can't say I've seen too many fics with this specific set up, but there's a pretty good chance I ignored and forgot about them. I am more familiar with the Vil concept though, at least I think? But either way I think the issue you might be finding with these things is that they focus on Yuu's incompetence/inability to function as opposed to the potential for intimacy the scenario could create σ(￣、￣=)

This sort of feels like a weird point to bring up, but table etiquette and basic manners can sort of mean two different things. The type of manners you could argue Riddle would want to see expressed at tea/at an unbirthday party could be much more formal than Yuu is used to, which could make for a cute set up for a fic! Picture Riddle trying his best to teach Yuu about etiquette and finding himself having trouble keeping proper decorum, he wants to hold Yuu's hand so badly, he finds himself letting his finger brush up against the back of Yuu's hand while he tries to guide them through what fork to use... or Riddle trying to teach Yuu to dance and getting too caught up in how excited he is to touch them that he forgets to speak (,,>﹏<,,)

And with Vil, I think people like the concept of having someone dote on them and dress them up in expensive things, but there is also a fundamental misunderstanding of Vil's character that a lot of people have where they think he would see someone in basic sweats and assume they need to be "fixed." The main thing Vil desires is for people to work on self improvement and accept nothing less than the best version of themselves. He's not a Kardashian who wants everything airbrushed and the same, he even admits to being privileged in his upbringing and not understanding Neige's struggles in book 6, he's such a well rounded character, maybe the best in the entire game but back to the topic I am actually on-

Walking someone through a skin care routine or washing their hair, especially if they are having a hard time taking care of themselves due to injury or mental distress is something that can be so painfully intimate. People have different ways of caring for themselves and the VOLUMES it speaks to have someone learn and know your language of self love is sosososo important. Makeup is something Vil loves to express himself with, watching him pick out things to use on Yuu so he can express his love through his work shouldn't be about how he is "fixing" Yuu because that's not how Vil would see it. He is speaking to the beauty he already sees and enhancing it with his own, picture him slowly, deliberately, tracing a lip stain onto Yuu's lips and drawing out the process so he can experience what it is like to kiss them without breaching the delicate line his contract has forced him to walk. How he watches Yuu lick their lips later in the night and swears he can feels it; Yuu worries that they're doing something wrong when Vil keeps insisting on doing their make up because he's always so slow about it but really he just wants to place his claim on them in as subtle and intimate a way as possible.

or something i dunno this was just where my mind went

#<3 asks #twisted wonderland

[nanitecitys]

imo it will always be a million times more cringe and insufferable to be an adult who actively makes fun of people who have harmless interests than it is to be an adult who is just really into cartoons or something idk

#like at what point does someone realize theyre a miserable person #and like i get that some people can be annoying but you don't have to be a dick to ppl just trying to have fun or enjoy something yknow? #and i've seen this dip its toes into 'we Should be bullying autistic people actually' territory and i gotta say im not a fan ! #anyways point is be fucking nice to people im so sick of negativity surrounding adults who happen to like kids shows or games or movies #like i promise there are more important things to worry about #okay end rant lol #nanite.txt #ok to rb btw

[opera-ghost]

me laughing at the same jokes i’ve heard 1000 times every time i listen to/watch a recording of phantom

#and i swear it gets funnier every time! #was dying while listening to an audio today #(it was specifically nehal joshi during the il muto ballet) #(i could not stop laughing and i couldn’t even SEE him it was just his delivery) #(ugh he’s so funny i love him) #poto shitpost #also side note im about to go on a tangent #but my phantom hyperfixation runs so deep and i have so many thoughts about it #i have at least 100 posts in my drafts about it and i’m not exaggerating #they’re mostly silly memes but it’s still like an overload of posts about phantom #and i’m like. insecure about how much i think about it???? and how much of my headspace i dedicate to it???? #so i keep the bulk of the memes/random posts in my drafts because i just feel weird about posting so much #i really could post about it 24/7 if i didn’t have to be a Person with Tasks #and idk i think im just hyper-aware of how i present my interests in daily life while offline #i am someone who hyperfixates and obsesses and while i could talk about phantom for years i am terrified of annoying people with my interest #i’m worried about being perceived as weird so i kind of flatten myself to make myself more palatable for others #which has me being insecure about the things i’m passionate about and how deep that passion runs #and these feelings have bled online to the specific space i have created as an outlet for my passion #like it’s my blog i shouldn’t be censoring my love for a thing that brings me joy #but my fear of being othered is like. overtaking me. because there are many things that i can’t change about myself #that categorize me as an ‘other’ (sexuality identity mental health etc) #and this is something i can control. i can control how i portray my personality #so i flatten my personality to compensate for the other (perceived) weird things that can’t be changed #idk i just shouldn’t feel the need to do that here bc pretty much everyone on here is super passionate about something #like obsessive about it #and that’s what i love about this site with all its faults. like this is a space for people to come and Be Weird and Act Strange #and everyone just accepts it #and also the phantom community in general #why should i water down my love for phantom in the one place where people can understand it and relate to it??? #hit the tag limit but i’ve come to multiple revelations while typing this lmao

[snixx]

actually so glad I learnt morse because now I have a stimming outlet that is NOT subconsciously singing in class and throughout the breaks all day lmfao

#don't worry i was pretty quiet i only got heard by people around me a couple times throughout middle and high school #but it was still mortifying lol #the only problem with morse is it's more distracting and less intuitive so it makes me lose focus lol #girlblogging.pdf #but yeah one thing about me is i cannot stop singing. it's annoying asf but i don't even realize im doing it its been a thing forever #it used to help me cope with my loneliness in seventh grade and then it just became a habit ig #and with anxiety and panic attacks and restlessness #but yeah yay morse #god people used to think i was such a weirdo in school. do NOT miss it

[greencarnation]

Being annoying is free and all of you should be so much more annoying. Call your representatives again even if you've already called five times today and spam your instagram stories and never shut up about it to your friends and families even if they don't give two shits

#i cant tell you how many people ive dragged along willingly or unwillingly to events this month just by being really fucking annoying abt it #listen i watched a child die a minute ago the last thing i care about is being perceived as obnoxious #nothing could matter less #be more fucking annoying #if your mp still hasn't answered and you've emailed every day email again #bring it up in class at work everywhere you can #so many of y'all are scared of coming off annoying or being judged and im begging you to realise that thats the least of your worries #palestine #gaza #israel #free palestine

[cephalonheadquarters]

Damn. I'm free

#I know i stated a lot before that im not involved with fandoms anymore but like. it just hit me randomly. Im Free #I still absolutely have interests. This is very obvious. But i have no desire of trying to make stuff for others anymore #(except fir my friends hehah) #When i was in the ttcc & pikmin fandoms that was the WORST. Very anxiety inducing year for me because i kept worrying about other people #and what they thought of me and my art #Also those fandoms were just really annoying lol. Toontown more than annoying i cant say anything about it here iuhhh there was #an insane amount of insane things happening with that community its.still happening actualky LOL. I hear about stuff from my friends #But anyways. I just feel so disconnected from everything in a good way if that makes sense #i already got friends and im finally feeling like this blog is mine yaaay #Who gaf about fandoms #Be free..... #This might be because all i care about is my ocs now (& its late and i have a huge burst of energy right now for some reason) #Yes i am very afraid that the focus on them will end but i really dont know what else there is for me to become attached to anymore #Splatoon is my life babeyyy at least it has been for almost 6 years #ill always come back to splatoon❤️ #Touhou and woy are the 2nd and 3rd most thought about interests for me #I dont post about them often as in like. make my own art that much. But i think about them almost as much as splatoon #Grahhh

[martyrbat]

so many of you talk about the cruel adults in your childhood that negatively effected you and caused lifelong insecurity yet you're still perfectly fine with being that mean stranger to any kid that has the misfortune of existing around you and thats just really gross !!!

#like i get kids can be overwhelming for a various amount of reasons but its not going to kill you to treat children with basic human decency #adults can be just as overwhelming or annoying—if not more. yet if you talked to an another adult the same way you do to a kid #then ppl would fucking hate you and not want to be around you because youre not being cool and witty—youre just mean!!! #everyone has experienced the frustration of being a kid being mistreated by an adult. some more than others #rather its ignoring your bodily autonomy (from sa and assault to hugging you when you don't want to be touched to not letting you #make your own harmless choices like a haircut or whatever). everyone has been talked down to or had their opinion treated like its nothing #or that their thoughts or input doesn't matter. everyone has a childhood experience with a mean or judgemental adult #yet over and over ppl are fine just repeating that cycle of abuse and hatred #like youre a young adult and youre still getting treated like shit by older ones. but youre able to have a drink or you graduated or smthn #so now you feel like you earned that right to be judgemental & angry & mean to a group of people that didnt fucking do anything to you #anyways. this is because im sick and had to go to the store to get groceries and meds #so its a 20 minute walk to the nearest store in 108 degrees bc i dont have gas money and then in the store im ofc using a face mask #like im sweaty and feel disgusting and like shit but this kid was SO fucking excited about his spiderman toy and wanted to talk and #his mom said ‘i told you no one wants to hear about that crap leave her alone’ and like?? no fuck off let a kid be happy?? hes not fucking #doing anything wrong?? so we talked and he showed me the little tiy that lights up and asked if i saw the new spiderverse movie #and i told him i havent! so he asked why so i explained i have photosensitivity and what that means and why i cant see it #(‘even though i heard its super cool!’) and HE WAS SO SWEET... like immediately hid the toy because oh! flashing lights can hurt me! #and then immediately said dont worry because he'll tell me about it so its like i saw it instead! #and like. guys imma be honest with you. i stilm got no fucking idea what this movie's plot is. #but you bet your fucking ass i was pretending like i was following along & was going ‘no way!’ ‘so it's a parallel universe...?’ ‘oh wow!’ #like yea its unnecessary. i felt oike i was gonna collapse and im still struggling to breathe at home now. but also i been the kid #who just wanted to talk about my interests and no one wanted to or was dismissing it. #i know it's not a end of the world deal but i also know that crushing feeling. you gotta be the kindness you want to see in the world yknow #anyways. be nice to kids or im not going to be nice to you. they're one of the most vulnerable members of our society and deserves kindness

[c1nn4-bunny]

Woagh what? Biblically accurate Cecil?

Hello Jon. Apologies for the deception: I'm not actually a rabbit/deer void thing.

Doing a teeny tiny little... thing (not really a study, just a test) on. My actual appearance because. Idk, I've been liking it a lot more recently. (<- got called sir on the bus twice today. felt good.)

Also yes that IS meant to be a wolf shirt, I bought it when I was 13 okay, let a tboy live— (the fact it still fits is proof I haven't grown at all)

And now for the list of every character/person my girlfriend says my average white boy ass looks like /hj

Secondary piece for reference

Cashew (Blush Blush): Yeah I can't deny this one. I'm a standard average sized blondish-brunette white boy, it's unfortunately uncanny... and also the college thing too I guess.

Kim (Omori): ... I don't get this one. I really don't. Maybe hoodie era? Otherwise it's just the glasses.

Wheatley (Portal): No Comment.

Martin (TMA): But I apparently also sound like Jon? [confused cryptid radio show host noises]

Whatever THESE mean

No seriously what do these mean—

Mari wants me to add this one: "you look like a youth pastor."

anyway feel free to add onto this list (/J)

#c1nn4bunny.png #i have no tags to add to this since its just. me #not even my sona just me. #absolutely earth shattering that im NOT an shapeshifting void roseboy irl right? sorry u _ u #my hair is sunbleached so uh. thats why its darker towards the roots #havent died it in a while. #last time was entirely blue ... the dark ages /j #on a note: drawing my gap has honestly made me a lot more comfortable with it #its not like I hated it. i was entirely neutral and if anything annoyed at people trying to get me to do cosmetic procedures to 'fix' it #(spoiler: they wouldn't anyway) but like. normalising it for myself. its cute and adds a bit of uniqueness to me I think. :] #already draw my random scars and specific darker freckles so why not the gap too y'know? #helps to feel comfier in my own skin :3 #also this was colour picked EXACTLY from a pic I took of myself specifically for this. same pose too. #anyway back to drawing myself as a silly bunny thang in every other context specificallyselfshippingiamsosorrymybrainisinfestedrn #lmao wait also elaborating on the 'looks constantly worried' point #I was on the bus a month ago and this guy asked if I was alright. I apparently look constantly on the verge of a panic attack. wonderful. #rbf? no no. i have rff (resting fear face) #there's one other guy I could add a 'oh shit I kinda look like him oh no thats awkward' to but I'd have to change the image for wheatley— #*dyed. im. tired okay

[lvnarsapphic]

and wrt to the my previous post - I'm not even trying to hide the gross kinks I'm into, i just don't openly refer to them on here, my main blog, cause i got other places and people who i do talk to about it where it's more fun and engaging, or it's on a website that i don't care if people see it cause if you're looking for it there, you'll find it fairly easily and i trust the people who are looking for it are mature enough to understand the separation ...though, really, they kind of are already on here, just more subtly because i have no real interest in being all that open about it on my main blog, but not cause im ashamed of it or am scared of it being "found out," i just don't feel like it tbh, cause like if i did decide the space I have created on here should include it, i would, but i don't feel the need to do that cause i don't feel like curating it in the same way i do with the rest of my blog

#lunar lectures #some meta-blogging for those who care #its similar to that ask from a couple months ago about how i find people to follow #and what i do to find those blogs and how i curate my blog in general #also despite my blogs semi-decent following #im more than sure that post wont get shared too far #so i dont need to worry about it breaching containment #and having to deal with annoying people #like the people i follow who do engage in it know that im active on their blogs #and the people who follow me who post that stuff #I'm not exactly trying to hide it from them

[dirt-str1der]

Yaoi has poisoned all of your fucking brains !!

#Yakuza HATEblog #i dont want to hear about the new yakuza trailer where kiryu proposed to soemone he wouldnnever do that thats so scary #also they refered to sayama as the cop lady like please show some respect to her she didnt be annoying for you to forget her #ive become homophobic now because i hated seeing a particular post so much like that will never happen you are crazy #like no this isnt how kzmj can win they have never even once considered a future together because kiryus foreplanning ended when he lost #his brother and majima has spent half her life waiting for saejima to come back like they have more important things to worry about #and kiryu is not able to share his kids with anybody he cant simultaneously raise haruka with someone he has to either be a single dad or an #absent dad no in between and sometimes haruka is left parentless in the middle of that mess but its not kiryus problem hes driving cars amd #beating people up .... well he does care sorry for insinuating he doesnt ... he thinks about his kids every day #but i guarantee you he does not think about majima every day i swear it to you he does not care about her that much !!! i have to forever #stress this doesnt mean that he hates majima but it simply means that shes not his priority AND SHE WILL NEVER BE !!! kiryu will never #risk it all just for a suckle on that majiwilly like he doesnt like her that much ... if kiryu didnt even give majima so much as a phonecall #when he was ignoring her the entirety of y3 AFTER tossing her back to the wolves just so he can play house at okinawa.. hes not going to #suddenly realise that he wants to spend the rest of his life with majima hes going to be pondering how miserable he is while beating the #fuck out of people because sorry i didnt actually pay attention to the gaiden stuff is kiryu a hitman now or some sort of mercenary either #way its so hot that hes paralleled by y0 majima because hes so depressed and wants to kill himself and forced to wear a nice suit and do #things he doesnt want to while being kept on a tight leash like hohooho ... have sex with me ...!!! #im going to kill him myself to put him out of his misery if i have to ... just let kiryu run off to america and join the cia im kidding but #wait i just thought of him actually running off and sayama pulling some strings in the force to keep people from looking for him because #shes like a bigshot cop now ... i think she should be able to cradle him gently and keep him like a show cat #a shivering wet penis in the rain and she takes him in and gives him a loving home ... i feel a little embarrassed talking about hetships #but the concept of kiryu just being in her house and living with her is making me laugh like wow ... hes straight now.... like obviously hes #still not going to be like lets get married 🥰 but sayama would want to... i believe that she could forge their documents so kiryu isnt an #illegal immigrant anymore and she gives him an american name so john yakuza can become real ... its like a fake dating au but they really #arent dating theyre just having sex and acting out scenes from a kdrama but eventually kiryu will have to go back because hes so sad #without his kids and he needs to see them one last time to pass away peacefully. sorry i just remembered how much older kiryu was than #sayama like thats a bit funny ... like i still think kiryu should be into older guys or girls but like we cant always have that happen #like how majimas options for getting fucked by creepy old guys are getting lesser year by year because those old geezers keep dying and hes #old now too ... like theyre so old thats fucked. i know ive been saying how kzmj can never win but i do think majima should breastfeed kiryu

[skrunksthatwunk]

found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?

#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now #sigh.. i dont know. i dont know. #at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him #no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow? #it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my #best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker. #i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time. #but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh #he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him. #im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to #say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more? #just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am #and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him #and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him. #she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on. #she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken #but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him #and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not #like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him? #so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her #and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all #the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess #like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea. #but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#so i survived my 1st week as a phd student. it's interesting. im not sure how i feel #the negatives are that i forgot how much stress being around people causes me. as a research assistant i was able to be on my own schedule #and go into the lab at odd hours so i never had to see anyone. but now im in classes and teaching and have a shared office #classes are tolerable stress wise so long as im sitting on an edge. i only feel a lil like im dying. teaching makes nauseous beforehand. #which is odd bc im not really worried while im doing it or before im doing it. i thibk its just that i have to interact ans i kno im a #mediocre teacher bc id rather die than do the back and forth of asking questions and u should teach interactively #i like to break down complex idea and help people with problems but i was not build to teach in classrooms. i get knocked off points when #i give class presentations bc i cant make eye contact lol. so that'll b annoying this semester. and its just so hard to function in an #office space. idk its weird like i dont even feel it that much while im there its just like a flashing *i need to leave* alarm. and then #when im alone its like a physical weight off of me. and i cant tell if thats what's draining my energy or if ive just cycled into a low #energy lul bc im just like. i wanna sleep. and for me thats always a sign that somethings wrong. i dont feel that bad mood wise but its #like there's a rock weighing me down as im trying to tread water. so those r the big negatives. the positives r that #i do enjoy being back in school. i love the structure of it. but im also self destructive abt structure so well see how it goes. but my #lab mates seem nice as does my advisor. i feel a bit bad bc ill have to learn genome stuff from the ground up. and today i was trying to #convey ideas to him like an insane person. bc i dont have enough background to talk fluidly abt my prospective project and i have a picture #of what i mean but not all the details. hopefully i made some sense. i think the idea is cool. and thats the other really positive thing. #the papers i have to read associated with this project r waaaaaaaaaay more interesting than anything i ever had to read for my masters. like #they're the types of papers i would force other ppl to read for lab meetings. so im optimistic abt not hating it by the end haha #yay for being excited abt science. but i guess thats the other thing i feel bad abt. like im interested but haven't read a lot to prep bc #i cant express how difficult dyslexia makes things but also i cant control how interested in things i get so i bassically banned myself #from reading papers im actually interested in like 3 years ago bc in retrospect i was prob going thru a hypomanic episode #and i was like reading papers abt microbes in Antarctica all day and not working on my stuff. and i just remember walking into the lab at #like 5am to trasfer alage with tears streaming down my face bc i was just like. i cant have this nice thing and b functional. it has to stop #so i just created this weird barrier in my mind where im not allowed to read fun papers. so its odd to b reading them now for work. its odd #also i was walking to my office worring abt things and then i saw some moss growinf around the edge of the sidewalk and it made me wanna cry #bc i am an extremely normal individual. i have normal feelings abt photosynthesis. but anyway yeah. its been interesting #hopefully ill stay optimistic. next week we have a orientation for new grad students. and i might have to drive like an hr away. hate that #the driving i mean. not the orientation. that should b fun #unrelated

[possiblytracker]

got dragged to a pub quiz with some of my housemates buddies and was fully convinced i was not really gonna have a good time and itd probably be too loud and i wouldnt be much help etc etc etc bc my mood is still not great but i forgot im a competitive motherfucker when it comes down to it and the sheer rush of euphoria that comes from knowing a few more obscure answers that had the rest of the room hemming and hawing is gonna carry me through the next week probably

#when nobody else in the wetherspoons in rural wales knows what the capital of florida is or what you call a female swan #the big ass grin spreading across my face and sheer rush of Power listening to 2 people the next table over arguing over whether #its jacksonville or miami. you Fools. you absolute buffoons. i know more than you/j/j/j/j #i am so exhausted now and the 'yea this is Over you are enjoying urself too late' sadness is creeping back in but it was worth it #we came 3rd...... the prize was a whole pitcher of some cocktail for the group but i do not drink so i just went home to bed #a female swan is called a pen btw i knew that six month long job spouting swan facts at 8 year olds would come in handy someday #IDK i still have a lot to work through but i feel like i should make a slightly less depressing post today skdfjh;; #shoutout to my housemate for always somehow noticing when i have just not left my room in a day and coming to drag me out of it #i was so close to just not eating again (which tbf. i didnt. until like 6pm whoops) #but now i have done that AND touched grass AND socialised AND feel good abt myself a bit.. so..... #i worry a lot that people dont really. notice or care that much when im struggling/when they do that its annoying or a burden so #im very grateful to have people who care about me enough to try and pull me out of it. i hope wherever i end up after this #that i can surround myself with more people like that #man this feels pretty bittersweet to think about as well but in more of a cathartic kinda way. i guess #trying to think abt things slightly more positively so i dont turn into a festering black pit of bad vibes for the next few weeks #and my blog still inexplicably feels like the nicest place to sort through this kinda thing

[dawnedon]

ive posted abt my goals for dawn for 2024 but my personal goals (for tumblr at least) is to try to be around a little bit more, be a little bit more active and involved and such which is like! easier said than done! last year was just such a rough time emotionally and i had a tough time in the rpc but im hopeful things will be better this year. i need to try letting go of some of that brutal anxiety otherwise im bound to feel stagnant bc of my own self/actions :') ik this is probably Relatable but i cant help but irrationally think that like. sending people asks/interacting with people's posts only makes them annoyed/think im annoying in the sense of like. 'OMG its her again can she just leave me alone!!' which in my heart i know isnt true because, if it was then like... why would i be mutuals with as many people as i am you know! just stupid brain moment, and an issue that i can only tackle by just ignoring those thoughts and putting such things into practice.....

that being said though. from jan 17th - jan 22nd ill be out of town bc me and my bf are going to vegas and im SO excited for it bc ive never been there!! and i havent left the state in general since like!!! 2018!!!!!!!

#👻 ooc. #ive started taking some vitamins in hopes that helps and honestly? it really kind of has #ive always been extremely worried about medicating myself outside of vitamins. and i didnt want to jump to that immediately so #im glad i found something that actually feels like its been beneficial to me personally. i think ill always have my issues of course #but im starting to learn how to handle it more in a way that works for me. and i cant help but feel proud in a way of myself for it #ANYWAYS. mid morning (positive) spiral but yeah!! biggest goal for 2024 is to get over my hangup of being perceived as 'annoying' #even though that more than likely is Not True and its just. years of self inflicted behavior/how i think people see me #hard behavior to unlearn but we're gonna try!