#and it go boom. look. metaphors. guilt

[nuhuhwinniethepooh]

D-rink

I honestly just wrote whatever came to my mind 🥲 so please don't come after me if its inconsistent

Geto x Gn!reader

Trope: Lil' angst at the start then Boom! Fluff, Suguru can't skate ?¿

Preview : Holding your icy hands in his, the ice around his heart slowly starts to melt.

◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇

Geto was exhausted of everything.

The back-to-back missions, the disgusting taste of the curses he consumed still on his lips, the constant lack of sleep and the small but constant pull of darkness that came every now and then, had taken its toll on him. He could literally feel the mental and physical exhaustion build a protective, icy wall around his heart as if to numb him from the world.

With a long tired sigh, he drags his feet across the polished wooden floor in the students dorm towards his room, only to stop at the sight of you.

Geto watches you curiously, exhaustion currently forgotten, as he watches you shift your weight from each foot while bringing a raised hand towards the door before pulling it back again, hesitation on your face. "Y/n?"

You startle at the voice, quickly turning around to look and relaxing when you realize it was him. "Suguru, you scared me."

Suguru smiles," I didn't mean to, sorry. What are you doing here though?"

He curiously quirks his head to the side as he watches the metaphorical gears in your head turn to answer his question and he chuckles, his first real chuckle in a long time. You look up at the sound with a small smile on your face, gaining a little confidence with every passing second.

"I just wanted to ask if you wanted to hang out right now and go somewhere in the evening, there's an ice rink I know that has a 40% discount on drinks today. So are you free? You can decline if you want to!" you quickly say as you watch him contemplate between your offer and a few hours of proper sleep before sighing, a slight frown appearing on his face as he feels the small, familiar tug of darkness.

"Are you okay?," you ask, not missing the change of emotions in him. Suguru looks at your worried expressions and sighs, he couldn't do it after all, at least not with the state he was in right now.

Suguru flashes an apologetic smile," I'm sorry, but I think I'll have to decline. I really need to catch up on my sleep but you could go ask Satoru or Shoko though, I'm sure they'd love to tag along." You give a quiet nod before looking down, tugging a few guilt strings in Suguru but he pushes it down, he really couldn't be with you when he was so...unstable.

"Oh well, nothing we can about that! Goodnight then...just ring me up if you change your mind!," you say quickly, looking back up as you wave at him and start to walk towards the opposite direction from where he came from. Suguru holds the urge to call you back as he watches your silhouette vanish in the turning before sighing again, only to see your head suddenly pop back out from the turning.

"Dont forget to ring me up if you do change your mind, okay?!," You yell before vanishing again, leaving a startled Suguru standing in the hallway. A laugh bubbles from within him as he stands laughing by himself in the hallway, entering his room with a smile on his face. He tucks himself to bed still chuckling, finally falling asleep with a small smile gracing his face.

The alarm rings.

Suguru groans, as he shuts the alarm with a thud and opens an eye to look at the time, 5 : 38 in the evening....

He lies in bed, wide awake...with nothing to do... before he realizes his own thought process, Suguru reaches for his phone and calls you. Your voice muttering a muffled greeting breaking him from his reverie as he returns the greeting, quickly putting you on speaker.

"Suguru? What's up? Need something?"

"Just wanted to ask if the ice rink offer was still up or am I too late for that?"

"It's still up! Are you sure though? I thought you wanted to catch up on your sleep, it's only been a few hours."

"I'm sure, I've slept enough for the day. I don't think I could sleep more even if I tried, so what's the timing?"

"It's opens at 7! We have more than enough time!," You chirp back, excitement apparent even from the other side of the speaker. He softly laughs at your ensuing excitement," That's great, I'll come pick you up around 6 : 40, then. Is that fine?"

"Totally!"

"Well then, I guess I'll see you again at 6:40."

"Yup! See ya' at 6 : 40!"

The call ends and slowly Suguru sits up, small bursts of excitement growing in him at the thought of spending time with you, he looks at the time again.

5 : 43, he grins, he better start hurrying up.

At exactly 6 : 40, there's a knock on your door.

"Come in!" You yell towards the door as you bend down to hurriedly tie your shoelaces. The door swings open and all you see at first was a pair of shoes walking towards the bed, looking up only to see an Suguru's amused gaze meet your frustrated ones.

"Can't ties your own laces?" He asks teasingly as he watches you continue to struggle, you mumble incoherent words at him which earns you a small amused snort from his side.

"It's refusing to co-operate right now! I swear the laces in my shoes somehow grows longer only when I'm in a hurry!," You grumble under your breathe as you struggle to tie the extra-long laces on your shoe properly without it flopping around.

Sensing your growing frustration, Suguru smiles and bends down to push your hands away," Let me do it, the day would be over by the time you tie it," he teases as he gets to work.

You sit up with a huff," I do know how to tie my laces, it's just refusing to co-operate with me right now!" He chuckles at your words before tapping your knees as he points towards his handiwork," Tada! You're all ready now."

You gape at the way the laces was tied into a clover-like shape,"Suguru, you have to teach me how to do that!" He chuckles at your words before pointing at the alarm clock besides your bed,"Maybe next time, though. We're getting late as it is."

You look at the time before quickly scrambling on your feet as you grab Suguru's hand and pulls him hurriedly out of the door and out the school compound," You should've mentioned that earlier!"

Suguru bursts into laughter behind you, struggling to catch up with all the laughing he was doing as you drag him behind you towards the station.

30 minutes and a settled-down Suguru later, you reach the ice-rink area. Grinning at him, you pull him inside, sighing with relief as the cold air washes over the both of you from the closed doors. The registration process didn't take long and soon enough, the both of you had already taken your shoes off inexchange for ice-blades instead.

Puttin' your orders down, you drag Suguru into the rink with a smile.

Knees weak and tumbling over in laughter, you look at the pile in the floor trying to get up only to fall down with a loud oof! Yet again, causing your laughter to double down.

"Suguru-," you wheeze out, taking in large gulps of air as you watch him hold the edge of the rink to support himself. He mumbles something incorrigible as he tries standing, causing you to break into fits of laughs again as you slide over to him.

"Glad I've been making you laugh," he says sarcastically while gingerly walking with the blades.

"You should've told me you couldn't skate, I'd have asked you to go out somewhere else if you did!" you say laughter dying out as you grab him by the arm and pull at him.

"Wait!"

"Oh, don't be such a baby"

You grab his hands and slowly pulls him towards the middle. With him still struggling to stand straight, you release his hands and grab him by the arm while using your other hand to straighten his back with a grin.

"See, it's not that hard once you get used to it!" You exclaim, letting go of his back. He looks at you amazed, slowly removing your hand from his arm and replacing it with his hands. The two of you mindlessly glide along the smooth ice, giggling like idiots and ignoring everyone else, lost in your own world as time seemingly passes by.

The bubble pops as the both of you hear the speaker announce the closing of the rink. The both of you take note of that and slides towards the door to get out of the rink, taking off the ice-skates and putting on normal shoes as you pack your stuffs back in your bag.

"Thanks"

"What for?"

"Taking me out, worryin' about me, handling my mood swings and other things," he mumbles, scratching the back of his neck.

You smile," it was no problem at all, really. Don't mind it."

He smiles back," At least, let me repay you then," your smile grows wider at that.

"Are you sure?"

"Very sure"

"Then let's go get dinner, your treat!"

"Is that all? You don't want anything else?"

"Nuh-uh, just dinner."

He chuckles," Dinner it is."

He holds the door open for you, waiting for you to exit.

"So what do you want for dinner?"

"Steak, lots and lots of steak. I'm starving after all that skating, I do hope you bought enough cash with you cuz I'm gonna burn a hole through your wallet," you say with a chuckle, winking at him.

"I'm starting to regret my offer," Suguru fake groans, following behind you.

You chuckle at his reaction, halting your movements and holding out your hand for him to take," Well, let's hurry up! I'm so hungry I could eat a whole cow!"

He fastens his pace and takes your cold hands into his while chuckling," Sure. I don't want you of all people to starve." You laugh at that, your voice echoing in the deserted area and Suguru joins in, your laughter infectious as a warm feeling slowly envelops him despite the chilly night.

Holding your icy hands into his, the ice around his heart slowly starts to melt.

◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇

THIS WAS LONG BUT WORTH IT! TOOK ME A WHOLE WEEK TO WRITE THIS? I need a damn break (I'm kidding)

Masterlist

#nuhuhwinniepooh #jujutsu kaisen x reader #geto suguru #jujutsu geto #geto x reader #jjk geto #jjk x you #jjk x reader #geto x y/n #jjk suguru #suguru x reader #jjk fluff

[mochiwrites]

M O C H I I AM IN YOUR INBOX AND I AM HEAR TO SHOUT I HAVE THE CHAPTER PULLED UP I HAVE COFFEE I HAVE NOT MEDICATED AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Who gave you the RIGHT

That FRAME and CANVAS metaphor my HEART. How DARE. God. Giant hole where Grian is. I knew what was coming, sort of. I had a lot of suspicions confirmed. I AM SHAKING YOU. THE WAY YOU TWISTED THAT FAMILY FOLDER TOO???? That mumbo DIDNT click on it but Scar did only to have it be. MMMMMMMMMM WHAT I WAS??????? SHAKING YOU

The GB. The way they've infiltrated the town right under everyone's noses. Oh goddddddddddddddddd I am so FULL of dread. And then to introduce them through Martyn AND JIMMY AHHHH I KNEW IT AND also introduce the listeners in that way??? I am vibrating.

I have so many thoughts about Martyn, Grian, and Jimmy I'm. MMMMMMMM. The self-hatred of the fact that they blame themselves for Grian's disappearance where in reality they would have probably been taken too. Listening to the two of them be so full of guilt when Scar and Mumbo are feeling guilty for doing all of this behind Grian's back [THE PARALLELS]. The fact that Scott and Ren are also involved to varying degrees is driving me insane too like. Ren is mostly here because Martyn knows a lot but Scott is here because HE knows a lot and that being mirrored across the table onto Scar and Mumbo who have the closest connection to the watchers but the least amount of info IM

GOD 'You aren't genuine. No one ever is' AND NOW NO ONE CAN BE SURE IF GRIAN IS, INCLUDING GRIAN HIMSELF IM GONNA GO MAD. The way we're connecting back to something at the beginning of the story i am CHOMPING at the BIT

And I KNEW the second we saw Grian by himself nothing good was gonna be happening. This is why I sent 'biting you' btw. This whole scene with helen made the hair on the back of neck stand up. The way it has even Grian himself doubting himself is INSANE. AUGH. g o d I hope I can write like this some day.

And then to have him go home and Scar and Mumbo just got back from a meeting where they defended Grian and swore he couldn't possibly be WORKING with the watchers and he only JUST got pearl back and now NO ONE can know if Grian is actually working with them AND! AND!!!! THERE'S ALSO THE CHANCE THAT THEY'VE DONE THE SAME THING TO PEARL AGGGGGH. I am SCREAMING. GOD.

Well done. I am still shaking you.

EHEHEHEHE~ I’m using your ask as an excuse to ramble about certain things in the new fic ty <3

RIGHT SO. THE FRAME & CANVAS METAPHOR — I had so much fun writing that, esp because it works so well as a metaphor??? scar has just enough information for this bare bones skeleton of a theory. he doesn’t have all of the pieces together, but he’s trying so hard to create an image with the things he’s got (which isn’t a lot). so boom. the perfect metaphor <3

and ehehe, it was so funny seeing people freaking out over the folder — esp when I knew from the start what was going to be inside it :>

GOD MARTYN AND JIMMY. THEY. OKAY??? THEY MAKE ME SOOOOOOO. they knew the old grian. they’re the last pieces of grian’s past. they’ve been through fucking hell. they feel guilty. martyn even more so. he’s the oldest of the trio. he feels like he failed grian, as well as jimmy.

martyn looks at himself as the older brother. and yet he failed to protect both grian and jim. he feels like it’s his fault he and jimmy ended up with the listeners. and so when martyn spoke about them… it wasn’t just guilt for grian he was feeling.

and then enter ren and scott and… oof. scott was absolutely involved because he has information, but also he was there to be a rock for jimmy. as for ren… ren’s been involved since the very beginning. see, when the cops busted the listeners, jimmy had a family to come home to (lizzie). but martyn? he had no one.

the night the listeners were broken up, martyn found himself at a restaurant. and the owner of that restaurant became his world.

but it drives me insane, how close scar and mumbo are to the watchers because of their connection to grian. and yet… they know next to nothing. it’s almost kind of fun though. because you as the reader get to connect the pieces alongside them :>

as for that scene with grian, MAN was that a blast to write :D stel and I have had that one planned since like. June lmao. it was literally written in my notes “grian gets gaslit” but so!! that whole exchange took a bit of work to hit the way I wanted it to, esp with grian doubting himself as well. but that’s the thing about memories, yeah?

enough time goes by and well… the details start to seem a bit hazy :)

but that ending… I almost didn’t write it. I almost ended the one shot with helen’s little “we’ve got work to do” line. but then I thought against it and threw in that little thing at the end there.

so you get this like… almost tender moment between the three of them as their whole world starts to come crashing down around them.

anyways yeah !!! this one was a ton of fun to write :3 it was definitely a long time coming, and I hope the answers satisfied a lot of questions that crime enjoyers have had since the start <3

#mochi speaks #good crimes asks

[acroynon]

Punishments

Sitting upon his cold throne the overlord began to worry that he had created a paradise. There had been no visitors in days. No requests for anything. No discipline to dish out. Nothing. His throne room was empty. Concerningly quiet.

He thought back on the progress he had made in this town. Whipping everyone into shape, both literally and metaphorically. The punishments had been harsh, but the town had flourished under his leadership. The punishments were far more enjoyable than the rewards and requests anyway. Tailoring a specific punishment to an individual, discovering their fears and adapting. Everyone was a puzzle to be twisted and solved.

While he was reminiscing on some of his favourite punishments, one of his peons entered through the main door at the far side of the room. They looked like an ant from this distance, which made the overlord appear and feel even more powerful.

“My lord, I hate to intrude but we have a situation.” He mumbled. The overlord slumped in his chair. He appeared exasperated and annoyed at the intrusion. In truth, he was intrigued. Excited even.

“We caught this peasant farmer stealing from one of the market stales in town. Brought him here straight away.” With that a grubby farmer was shoved into the room and the guard stood up a little straighter, taking pride in his duty. Fantastic, the overload thought to himself. Time for some punishment.

“You stand here, charged with theft. How do you plead?” Announced the overload. His voice booming throughout the throne room.

“Guilty… Guilty, me lord.” He replied. The overlord had to think of a punishment and fast. They usually didn’t plead guilty so willingly. Thinking back through his years of rule he crossed off punishments in his head one by one. Too boring. Overdone. No watchable enjoyment. Ah, an idea.

“Very well. I shall grant you a choice. Your life or your families.”

“Me families!” He shouted, almost interrupting the overlord. Why had he chosen so quickly, had the overlord grown soft? Were his punishments not feared anymore? Maybe the simple-minded farmer just didn’t understand the situation.

“Are you sure? Whoever you choose will be punished for your actions dearly.”

“Me families.” He repeated. A smile appearing on his face. What was wrong with this man? Condemning his families lives without any apparent guilt or apprehension. He must know what is going to happen and the pain that he just simply passed on like it meant nothing.

“Fine. Guard, go fetch this man wife and children and whatever other relatives he has that reside this town.” This farmer will back down when the punishment starts. Begging for a change of decision. Pleading the overlord for forgiveness.

“Uhm… He has no family, My lord.” The guard’s voice was mouse quiet; his up-straight posture had slumped.

#short story #creative writing #original fiction #writing

[milfbosspsmp]

ok listen i just think wilbur & ghostbur should have a persona shadow type confrontation and talk things out . is that too much to ask

#dream smp #dsmp #dream smp fanart #wilbur soot #wilbur soot fanart #ghostbur #ghostbur fanart #tommyinnit #philza #theyre there for one panel but listen. let me have this #mcyt #i spent. 4 days on this #its supposed to be some fucked up limbo palace so thats why nothing makes sense and theyr ein like. OLD lmanberg #and it go boom. look. metaphors. guilt #good god someone get the meow meow some therapy #.sai #i got csp very recently and this is the result of me just messing around with it lots

[sweetrabbit]

i’ll always be on your side

pairings: Choi Nam Ra x welfie! gn reader

genre: angst, established-secretive relationship

summary: an already distressed y/n, afraid to lose their girlfriend, now was afraid their girlfriend would be afraid of them. was it na yeons eyes fooling her? or was it just to keep her pride up, to prove everyone she’s right, and y/n was really infected?

warning/s: blood, sort of canon character death (? i just switched it to y/n instead of gyeongsu im so sorry im so lazy 😭) sort of aouad spoilers?? some fighting ig

a/n: SORRY ITS SO LONG, I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO CUT OUT BC I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL IMPORTANT, i loved the idea of the losing dogs metaphor and i’ve been meaning to write for a fem character i, thank you sm for the request! I’M SOR TRY AGAIN IF ITS NOT HOW YOU WANTED IT TO BE OR IF IT WAS BORING

SORT OF inspired by ‘I Bet on Losing Dogs’ by Mitski!

under a tree, nearby Hyosan Highschool sat two juniors, Ms. Prez and her lover.

though it was labeled as a date, it felt more like nam ra studying and y/n keeping them company.

many thoughts ran through y/n’s head, they all consisted of doubt and fear. ‘why has nam ra been ignoring me? have i said something to anger her? maybe she just wants to focus on her studies, she does have high expectations. but what if she isn’t fond of me anymore?’ as the thoughts slowly accumulate to worse scenarios, nam ra catches y/n’s distressed state.

trying to comfort someone was foreign to her, she has never seen y/n so worried. “are you ok, dear?”

the nickname that was laced with a sweet tone brought y/n out of their thoughts. “mmhmm yeah, i think we should head back before we’re late for class.”

to that nam ra nods, grabbing y/n’s hand in the process.

but then all hell breaks loose. left and right, students are attacking one another, their eyes flair red, a monstrous emotion replaces their previous happy aspect.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

the once joyful class of 2-5, was now in fear. the stares that beat down y/n after lee na yeon had rudely accused them of being infected.

“it’s nothing, didn’t you see su hyeok hit me with the end of the mop?” y/n walks casually but na yeon is quick to stop them “stay there, don’t come any closer.”

“i wasn’t bitten..” nervous sweat drizzles down their forehead, the blood that wasn’t wiped slowly touching their index finger, but a scratch catches na yeons eyesight.

“your hand! explain that.” her breath shudders, an annoyed look comes across “my hand scratched the broken glass.”

their angered voice booming through the room, their other classmates, including Ms. Park to backs up.

“all you do is lie and be in denial, like the welfie you are.”

but before y/n could attack na yeon, cheong san goes to check up the supposed ‘bite’

“it’s just a scratch, you can check if you want.” once cheong san confirms the theory, the others finally believe y/n’s protest.

“go apologize to y/n, they did nothing, c’mon end this already.” dae su speaks up for everyone else.

“no, i’m not, why should i? i saw that thing grab them, they have a open wound too, what if they got infected through that? i’m right aren’t i? gyeong su was there, you saw too, right?” the girl in a bright ping cardigan yells out.

“na yeon, enough.” Ms. Park cuts na yeon’s nonsense “wait, can touching one’s hand infect them?” cheong san points out, it wasn’t proven anyway, so how would na yeon know?

“i don’t know, but they might-“

“i held i sak’s hand when she fell. why is nothing happening to me?” on jo defends their friend, sadness and guilt growing inside her at the thought of i sak.

“because they have a cut, and since there’s a open wound, it’s probably gonna be different.”

the class fight’s back and forth. “for the sake of na yeon, i’ll just stay in the recording room for 30 minutes, you happy?” y/n shoves their classmates shoulder in the process of entering the petite room.

only nam ra notices na yeon’s gleam towards the blood covered stick.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

“it’s been over an hour and y/n still doesn’t wanna go out.” ji min whines. “they’re stubborn like that sometimes, i’ll go talk to them.” nam ra’s tone was soft, trying to grab the handle of the wooden door.

“why should you go? if anyone, it should be na yeon.” ji min cut in as everyone looks at the snob.

“why should i” a frustrated sigh runs through everyones lips. “they’re like this because of you!”

“everyone stop. na yeon, you promised to apologize to y/n after 30 minutes remember? it’s been 30 minutes.” na yeon hums before getting up.

her hands in her pockets as if she was hiding something. everyone was shocked at her sudden change of character, all but nam ra, something didn’t feel right about this, but she couldn’t put a finger on it.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

“oh my god, she’s touching them!” dae su chuckles, su hyeok giggling from behind.

nam ra stands abruptly, going to watch the scene unfold, afraid something might happen.

as she watches the dirty cloth touch her lovers hand, she can do nothing but watch, unsure if what she saw was true, she stood there in place, unable to move and too shocked, her mouth was agape watching the face of her beloved contort to discomfort.

“i suspected you because the situation called for it, and i was really mad earlier. i’m still mad at you. you know i’ve always looked down on you” a harsh glare setting down on her classmate, making them even more uncomfortable. “it’s fine, it’s all in the past. let’s just go.” y/n says, looking at nam ra for any sort of comfort.

“i’m not apologizing. you deserve to be looked down on. our complex banned you wefies, but you force your way in. and how dare you push me? you thought i’d apologize? everyone was taking your side, i was cornered because of a nobody like you, always hiding behind class prez like she could do anything. stay the full hour. i hope you never come back.” her confident smirk runs onto her features.

“you can talk about me all you want, but you keep nam ra out of this.” y/n pushes na yeon, causing her to stumble on a few recording equipment.

na yeon gets back on her two feet, walking away whispering a small “fucking welfie” everyone claps at the scene they thought they understood.

“YOU’RE A FUCKING CHEAT!” y/n repeats the sentence trying to get to the brat in-front of them but cheongsan, su hyeok and even Ms. Park stopped them.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

the boys, including nam ra are trying to calm y/n down, as Ms. Park and the girls scold na yeon.

“and what if i’m right? will you all finally admit i saved you all, huh? oh look.” na yeon looks at y/n, the blood running down their nose once again, fear running through everyone’s faces.

a confused look on y/n’s face, slowly feeling warm liquid on their face.

“hey, y/n, why don’t you just go back to the room ok? maybe we can figure this out.” Ms. Park says, everyone watching their classmate stare at their shaking hands.

“i hope you’re happy.” y/n stares at na yeon, and then back at the others. “thank you, thank you everyone, please go back home and be safe, okay?” a sad smile runs along their features.

nam ra tries to grab them “no, no maybe, maybe its just a normal nose bleed, hm? maybe its a misunderstanding, ok you aren’t one of them ok?”

“it’s ok, this is for the best, please stay back. i’d never forgive myself if i were to inflict pain onto you.” they slowly walk through the door.

“no please, you’re my baby ok? you aren’t one of them, you’re mine and no one could take you away from me, remember what you said? please say you’re still my baby..” tears run down both their faces “i will always be your baby, love.” they place a haste kiss on nam ra’s lips, making sure there was no infected blood on her “i love you.”

“thank you for everything, stay alive.”

their bones tick dramatically, before running out the door as fast as they can.

the once quiet girl now sobs loudly trying to get to the door, but su hyeok holds her back. “no please, please i have to go after them, they aren’t a zombie ok? i know i’ll just get them.” her voice shudders, the rest of the class heart breaks at the scene.

y/n outside listening to nam ra’s cries “you were never one to show emotions, but i’m glad i got to spend my last few minutes with you, darling.” their eyes shoot into the deep crimson, turning into the rest, running in a fast pace, desperate for food.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

“why did you have to turn?” gyeong su, dae su and woo jin all share a tissue.

“i told you all they were infected.” na yeon’s pride grows bigger. “well, are you happy now?” dae su stops to argue.

“you were all wrong. only i was right. what would you even do without me?” na yeon rolls her eyes, going back to stare at nothing. revising the scene in her mind as if it were to boost her ego, when only it made her feel guiltier knowing she killed someone’s significant other for the sake of her pride.

“hey, maybe you did it.” nam ra goes to avenge her lover, though it sounded more of a claim than a question.

the stare that she gave na yeon made the atmosphere of the room more tense. “i saw everything. na yeon…”

“what? what did you see?” the girl infront of nam ra grows impatient, scared that she’s been caught.

“you are the one who did it.” nam ras voice was low compared to na yeons crying.

“who did what? i didn’t do anything to y/n.”

“i didn’t say anything about y/n.” the thought of their significant other stung her, but she stayed strong. “while we were all watching y/n, you were in the back alone. “you wiped that blood with your handkerchief.” nam ra points at the now clean mop. “you wiped that on the scratches on y/n’s hand.”

and as much as na yeon tried to proclaim thag it wasn’t her, she knew deep down that if she kept up this act, everyone would catch on. “i did not.”

“it’s in your pocket.”

“so what?”

“take it out.”

“no”

“take it out.”

“i said no.” na yeon goes to slap nam ra’s “should i take it out?” the raven headed girl goes to grab the towel, only for her hand to be pulled aways.

“fuck you. who do you think you are? class president?” nam ra was quick to slap the remark off her mouth, a red hue growing onto her cheeks.

“you never treated me like president. only y/n ever showed me respect, always so sweet and nurturing to the others, why else do you think everyone sided with them and not you?”

“nam ra, enough. nam ra, you do realize what you’re saying right now? if thats true, then it means na yeon killed y/n.” Ms. Park stops the quarrel between the two girls.

“it’s true, na yeon did it. she killed them.”

“you fucking cunt.” na yeon throws the handkerchief at her face. “there, happy?”

“this is blood.” nam ra observes the dirty hanky. “i wiped y/n’s hand.”

“this is their blood? then put it on your wound. wipe yourself with it if you’re so confident.” nam ra hands the napkin back. “like their blood is so clean? they were a zombie.”

“they were just fine until you infected them with your handkerchief.” nam ra pokes at na yeons head “DAMN IT! IT WASN’T ME!” na yeon grabs the wipe from the ground, hesitating to place it onto her wound.

“don’t do it, stop it. let go. i said stop it, let go.” Ms. Park couldn’t bare to lose another student, they felt like her very own children.

“Leave me alone! Fuck! should i die too then, huh? that’s what you want isn’t it? why is y/n better than me? that filthy welfie pushed me.”

before Ms. Park could say anything, nam ra pushed na yeon to the ground “you have no right to call them that way after you killed them. you’re a murderer.” nam ra was furious, how could she ever say that?

na yeon looks up, teary eyed. so now she was playing the victim card after doing something unforgivable?

“i have no friends at all. i don’t need any of you. fuck you.” everyone looks down at her, as if she deserved their pity. she wasn’t entitled to say any of these things, so why?

she walked out, woo jin however trying to stop her, but Ms. Park got there first.

“listen.. no matter what happens, you stay alive. also, you must never take a life. if you cause someone else to die, life becomes completely meaningless. all right?”

her last lesson, her last smile at her beloved class. oh how she’d miss these wonderful children, never failing to bring a smile on her face everyday. going out the room was hard, but she had to do it to protect them from whatever was happening outside.

and hopefully, hopefully they’d all wake up from this terrible nightmare. tears and blood staining their face, including the uniform that once represented their school.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

after the city of Hyosan was bombed, nam ra decided to visit a area that meant a lot.

“i miss you everyday, y/n, and it hurts me all the time knowing i couldn’t protect you, but i’m glad you’re now safe up there.” nam ra places a few flowers, snacks and the pieces of papers they handed each other before the chaos onto the tree that represented their love for one another.

“i love you.”

-

taglist: @hhvghvgc @i2abella

#nam ra x reader #choi namra #namra #choi namra x reader #namra x reader #choi nam ra #all of us are dead #all of us are dead x reader #aouad #aouad x reader #aouad imagines #aouad fanfic #Spotify

[subwaysurf45]

Winter Makes Ice (Ep. 4)

Summary: you’re captured after a brawl at the Avengers building, Bucky and others must save you before Hydra makes a new Winter Soldier out of you, Bucky has given up that title.

Words: 4123

Episode: Four

Warning: violence, gore, description of violence, fighting

Masterlist! Winter Makes Ice Episode: Three

Time: 3:20am

Date: October 3rd 2024

Wakanda was always calm when Steve went, the people who lived there just seemed to understand the ways of life. There was never a catcall or fight in an alley, people greeted each other with kindness and a soft bow, Steve always copied but felt like he was too stiff when he did so. He found he walked with his back a little straighter and his chin a little higher, he felt unstoppable in the warm climate, filled with power and generosity. 

Natasha on the other hand hated Wakanda, not because of the people but for the same reason as Steve; it was too peaceful. She’d always get the dirtiest looks when trying to explain her case, no one seemed to understand the concept of ‘too much comfort is uncomfortable’. She ran to Bucky once after a moment and asked him why he liked it so much, she thought he off all people would hate comfort, he’d always be one to sleep on the floor because the mattress would feel like it was swallowing him. He just shook his head and shrugged, he’d never tell anyone why; Nat found out he never even told you. 

Natasha had been trained to trust no one other than yourself, but after escaping the Red Room she questioned the one in the mirror all too often. People would smile and while Steve smiled and waved Natasha thought of ulterior motives, why were they smiling to them and not the people slightly behind them? but then they’d smile to the people behind Natasha and she’d question if it was to cover themselves. The welcoming's to almost everywhere felt weird, she wanted to break in or have to fake her way to what she wanted, having doors opened for her felt like a slap in the face for all the things she’s done for those years before. 

“God, gives me the creeps,” Natasha faked a shiver, Steve just rolled his eyes. They were walking in the palace now, T’Challa would be waiting for them in Shuri’s tech room. 

Apparently Shuri had been wanting to try a new type of cuff, one made of- obviously -vibranium that tightens at a lie. There were little needles that poke into the culprit's nervous system, it picks up on someone’s sign that they are lying and tightens when the little pins are triggered. If someone's breath picked up or heart rate doubled, it would squeeze a little bit more until their hands were blue. Nat thought it was amazing when she heard it over the phone, her mind was picturing it the entire flight over. 

Steve had been thinking about Bucky, Steve was well aware of Bucky’s deep connection to you. You’d been dating for over a year and it was love at first sight (then Bucky quietly loving you from the other side of the room), Bucky was never one to fall for someone, he’d never have the confidence in himself that he’d be here for too long. But it was the little things Bucky began to do that made Steve appreciate you even more. He’d watch from his spot on the kitchen counter, quietly sipping coffee and reading the paper, which wasn’t actually paper because it was on his phone, while glancing over every so often to see you and Bucky in your own little world, both giggling at something. There's this moment for Bucky when he’d just look at you, Steve had seen it happen so often, like Bucky was taking a step back and realizing he had someone who loved him unconditionally. The laugh would die down and Bucky would whisper something, it would alway be along the lines of ‘thank you’ but it could change. He’d sometimes do it with Steve as well, both you and Steve would say the same thing, ‘no need to thank me, but you’re welcome’ because that’s what Bucky liked best. 

You were just an agent when you arrived, nothing more. Slowly you had gotten to know who everyone was by going out of your way to give out cookies to everyone who walked by you, it was a little thing Bucky seemed to really enjoy. After your talents were discovered from past jobs you were moved to a spy, you’d used to work for a private firm where they’d track down people who launder money, you’d have to get so much evidence it often led you to get jobs at mattress stores or random shops. With that and a lifeguard certification- that you got when you were a teen- under your belt you were perfect to be an agent, Fury introduced you to Bucky for combat training because Bucky needed to learn how to work with others; Steve actually told Fury to give Bucky the assignment. 

You’d spar everyday and the both of you would get into it. There would be times where you wouldn’t talk to each other for the rest of the day because the other cheated. Everyone would laugh but you’d take it very seriously, Bucky would always say you weren’t strong enough to go out into the field, so you lifted weights. He’d say you weren’t fast enough, then he’d see you sprinting on the treadmill a day later. 

Steve knew you were good for Bucky when you were about to start dating, it was at that part where you were going on dates but you weren’t dating. With all the things Bucky had criticized you on, you flipped it on him with one simple task: keep your fiddle-leaf fig plant alive. It would’ve taken Bucky one google search to find out that 61% of people can’t keep this house plant alive, it’s the hardest one to take care of. It was a metaphor of sorts, for you and for your relationship. 

It wasn’t a surprise to find it dead when you got home, Steve came to you with his shoulders slumped. Apparently Bucky had been crying for three days straight because he killed your plant and he thought you’d dump him because of it. It was the weird feelings when Steve saw you start to laugh, this was his best friend who was crying of guilt and you were laughing, he’d wanted to punch you square in the jaw. 

“What’s so funny?” he asked way too harshly. 

“Oh nothing…” you wiped the tear that had fallen. 

“Baby, I’m so sorry!” Bucky had left his room and came running to you, his face was red and his eyes were barely open from how puffy they were. He quickly pulled you in for a hug, “I messed up your plant, I’m sorry.”

Steve was getting redder and redder the more you laughed, “what’s so fucking funny, huh?” Steve boomed, he was getting protective. 

You had dropped the act then, both of them were very emotional at the moment and laughing wouldn’t be the best choice of action. “Don’t worry, Bucky,” you soothed him, “you weren’t supposed to keep alive.” 

“What?” he pulled away and sniffled, “but you asked me to-”

“To try,” you paused with emphasis, “and keep one of the hardest plants to keep alive, alive.” you smiled, “I was proud that I had kept it alive for as long as I did, but I needed to see what you would do with something like this.” 

“Why?” Steve asked for Bucky, still very protective. 

“Did you buy a new one and hope I didn’t notice?” You asked, Bucky shook his head no. “did you get mad at me because I gave you a stupid chore?” He also said no to that. “Did you make Wanda keep it alive with her powers?” all these options ran through Bucky’s head and he didn’t even think of them, “you put so much effort into this, and even if you did fail you still cared a lot, that’s all I ever want. I want this relationship to work and if you run at the first sign of adversity then this won’t work, but you buckle down and keep pushing, and if it doesn’t work? Then I know you actually cared, and you tried. That’s all.” 

“You’re a keeper.,” Steve said before walking away and giving them space to catch up. 

Nat waved a hand in front of Steve’s face, and it turns out he’d been staring at T’Challa for a while while he was talking. They had walked the entire way and Steve just stared at the ground with a blank expression, he needed to look out for you in order to keep Bucky sane. 

“S-sorry, I zoned out.” Steve straightened his posture a bit, hands on hips and shoulders rolled back.

“No worries, captain Rogers.” T’Challa spoke calm as ever, “I have the criminals in the room, they have the new tech that’s already set up, my sister wanted to set it up.” T’Challa opened one arm and guided them to the secret room where two men sat with their hands cuffed and on their laps. “Neither of them have any record of being born, probably a fake identity.” The king linked arms with Shuri and walked out of the small room. 

Seeing how grand and futuristic Shuri’s lab was made it shocking to be in a normal interrogation cell, two rusty chairs that were occupied and no table. Steve looked to see the single light that hung from the ceiling, it wasn’t a soft yellow like the one’s at the Avenger building but purple, vibranium always casted a purple/blue hue. 

“Where are you from?” Steve asked. 

“Iceland.” the one on Steve’s left answered. 

“Is Hydra now stationed in Iceland?” Nat cut in and asked. 

“One station, there’s many.” The same man on the left kept talking, the other one had his head all the way down with his forehead touching his knees. 

Steve leaned up against the wall, “you attacked Princes Shuri, why?”

“Because she is the one that made us start from the very beginning, she's the one that erased the trigger words from your friend and our weapon.” He snarled, “She needed to pay for what she did, we should have known Wakanda was the hardest place to attack, we’d need a Winter Soldier for that.” A smirk grew from the right side of his mouth. 

“What are you smiling about?” Nat pressed, she walked closer.

“Oh, nothing- ow!” the handcuffs tightened, his breathing rate doubled as he tried to ride out the initial shock. 

“Tell us!” Steve smashed the wall, causing a dent to grow from it. 

“Fine…” the man adjusted, “once we found out we’d never get our Winter Soldier back we quickly moved on, no one can break Wakanda’s tech, it’s impossible.” The man sighed and looked off, “so we chose to start again, make a new way, create a new trial. It’s safe to say we did.” he took a deep breath and leaded back against his chair, his fingertips were beginning to turn purple, it was difficult to see with the purple hue of the room. “When we attacked your building we didn’t want Barnes, we wanted someone, anyone. This girl was the closest to us, and it seemed to be the closest to Barnes, am I right?” he quizzed, seemed to be genuinely wondering. “She’d wake up and forget where she is, normally she’d pat the ground beside her and call out for a man named Bucky, that’s Barnes. It was the perfect choice, completely on a whim.” He looked at Nat, “she got her confidence from you, the entire time we were slowly poisoning her she completely believed she was here for ransom, it was funny to see her face when he told her what we did to her, how we now control her. The look on her face when we asked who wiped Barnes’ trigger words… She spit them out but her face was full of fear, her voice and thoughts weren’t her own.” 

“Why would you tell us all of this?” Steve asked. 

“I know I will die,” the cuffs didn’t tighten, “and my friend is already dead, I’d like to go with a bullet and not torture.” He looked up to them. “I think my father has passed, he worked for Hydra and I’d like to see him, to ask for forgiveness.”

Natasha pushed back the other man who hadn’t spoken a word to find his hands blackened and completely dead, the tightness had cut off all circulation. Right near the edge of the cuff and on the man’s skin was starting to split, there was no blood to leak out of the cut because there wasn’t blood in the veins, it was slowly falling and peeling away. 

“You tortured my friend- two of them actually!” Steve screamed, “I hope to god you die slowly.” Steve lifted his gun to the man’s face, he closed his eyes. But Steve moved the aim to the thigh, you had told him that a shot to the femoral artery was fatel after ten seconds of bleeding, you had also told him that the femur- which was what the femoral artery is attached to -is the most painful break for bones. 

So Steve shot at the middle of the thigh, he and Nat watched without emotion as the man quickly bled out, the blood squirted in the air and rolled down his pants. Blood coming from an artery is bright red and tends to squirt, but from a vein makes the blood more slow and dark. When the final squirt of blood managed to hit the man’s face, Steve knew he hit right on target; and that you were right for all those things.

Time: 5:59am

Date: October 3rd 2024

Bucky and Wanda walked through the forest, most of the leaves had fallen off the trees due to the season so they could see further into the thick woods. Not a lot of talking was happening between the two of them, Bucky was way too focused on keeping his cool while Wanda used her powers to see if there was any form of life around. 

The wind blew softly and the leaves that held on for dear life were now getting pushed aside off the flimsy twigs, they would fall and join the other countless leaves that met the same fate. Wanda loved the fall, she’d jump into a pile of leaves any chance she got. Right now she was purposely stepping on the ones that looked the most dry which would give a good crunch. Her nose was a little red due to the cold but everywhere else she was yellow and happy, it seemed she gave off heat.

Bucky hated the fall, the sound of stepping on leaves sounded like someone was right behind him. If there was a Hydra agent out in these woods they would have heard them from a mile away with all of Wanda’s jumping and giggling. Bucky loved Wanda in a motherly kind of way, but sometimes she was just too...happy…

When everything seemed lost, Bucky and Wanda’s phones began to vibrate, Bucky was quick to pick up. Both Bucky and Wanda made their way to a tree stump to take a moment to listen. Wanda sat on the ground floor and picked at the tons of leaves that covered the ground, she’d pick and rip them apart one by one. 

“It’s Steve,” Bucky whispered before picking up, “Steve?”

“Buck, you have to listen to me,” his voice was shaken and distraught, “I’ve sent the coordinates, she’s there but I don’t know how much of her is left.” 

“What does that mean?” Bucky asked as he looked over to see Wanda looking at the coordinates on her phone. 

“I don’t know how much has happened to her, they’ve brainwashed her.” Steve took a deep breath, Bucky could hear Nat in the background, “we have to act fast, we’re on our way, do not wait for us.” he commanded and Bucky nodded but he knew Steve couldn't see, there was a type of mind reading between the two of them that really came in handy for times like these. 

“Roger that.” Bucky hung up and began to move again, Wanda had read the location and it turned out they weren’t that far away, at the final stretch they saw the building through the empty trees. 

The forest had been cleared around the building, the grass seems healthy but it was starting to brown with the changing weather. The building itself was very small for it to be the most dangerous Hydra facility, it was only one story. There were no windows and the outer wall was all one grey colour, no symbols or tanks ready to fire; there wasn’t even a guard around the building. It seemed too vacant for it to be true, the wind seemed to stop as they got closer into the open field, it was completely still and almost dead. 

Bucky or Wanda actually had a plan, everything had been so fast there wasn’t anything drawn out or spoken about at some meeting, this was all instinct. Though there were no windows and security cameras they both knew something had to be watching the outside, they were low to the ground in the open field but the grass was way too short to cover them. Bucky had his gun ready while Wanda’s hands were in a position to create a shield for the both of them, at the sound of a vibration Wanda checked her phone. 

“Steve and Nat have landed, they are five minuets out,” she whispered. 

“Copy.” was all Bucky could think to say. 

Both of their backs smashed against the wall, with their final moments of bliss before fighting a couple deep breaths were taken and eyes remained shut. Bucky’s finger fiddled on the trigger of the gun, Imagining what it would look like to blow the man who hurt you to oblivion. Bucky moved further and farther away from his Winter Soldier thoughts, the mass murder and robotic revenge. But when it came to someone hurting you, he’d even put the mask back on.

On the count of three the door was bursted open, and right away agents on the inside began to fire. Wanda and Bucky took them down their own way. 

One agent was still alive, Bucky ran up and gripped his throat. “Where is she!” he screamed. 

“You’ll never know-”

A gun was placed to his head. 

“-Alright! Alright!” The man shrieked, “third door on the left, please don’t kill me!” the man cried. 

“I won’t kill you,” Bucky lowered his gun but the grip on his neck tightened, “I’ll torture you slowly before.'' His left hand gripped so tight around the agent’s neck he could hear the bone shattering, clear fluid from the agent’s spine leaked from his eye and ear before blood followed. Bucky watched emotionlessly as the agent’s face turned blue and almost popped like a balloon. “Wanda, get them all outside.” 

“Yes, sergeant!” Wanda yelled, she was fighting off everyone else. 

Bucky blew by everyone as they ran to see the commotion, so ran right by Bucky without thinking he was the threat. Wanda was now outside and in a matter of seconds the eeriness of the outside matched the inside, the air was still and stuffy, it smelt like the beginning of decomposing. Bucky had his gun ready but it seemed no one was in here, his only threat was you. 

Bucky took note of the stone grey floors, and stone grey walls, and stone grey ceilings. HYDRA didn’t put much money into design like the Avenger’s did, all the funds they collected went straight into the tech they made and Bucky was sure that’s why they were still around, they had so much money saved that they could pay people to turn their cheek and walk the other way. 

As Bucky scanned for something to give away where all the scientists were, his eye met another door in the very corner of the room, it was exactly the same colour of the stone grey walls but the brass door knob caught his eye. All you could hear was the boot of Bucky’s combat boots on the floor, his breath was even scaring him. His hand reached out for the door and when he opened it he found what he was worrying about. 

A cell. More specifically: an empty cell. 

There were chains hanging from the ceiling, one large cuff, one for what seemed to be used for a neck and then four cuffs for wrists and ankles. Bucky completely forgot where he was, he didn’t remember there was an entire lab behind him, all his mind was throwing at his memories of a cell just like this. 

Bucky didn’t remember much about cells in the early days fighting against HYDRA in a cell, in the 40’s. He did, however, remember what it was like to come out of ice when he was needed. The concept of life didn’t exist when he was frozen, it felt like a long blink, it didn’t seem like he’d been asleep for years.

He’d wake up and for a second he was still normal. He’d think it’s cold because it was winter and his house back in the 40’s didn’t have any type of heating system except for a small fireplace, his boots and pants were still on because he got hammered the night before- also explaining the headache -and just fell into bed. All his convincing would go away when his brain would fog again, and he’d look down and catch the shine of his left arm, all at once he’d fall back into place. The dissociating happens after dreams but it came from waking up and not really knowing who he was, as he’d walk to whatever commander was in charge that year he’d ask himself what he was, all the memories and answers in his brain would seem to pull further away, like a word in the tip of his tongue. 

He was ripped from his thoughts manually, he thought of you. He thought he was hypnotizing himself when he looked in there at first, too triggered by what he saw to think straight, but he took another moment to look, he saw the chains swinging back and forth ever so slightly.

His stomach dropped, he knew you were still in the room. “Sweetheart?” he called like he always did, “it’s Bucky, we’re gonna get you out of here, come out, baby.” he tried to sound as soothing as possible, he looked under every lab table and every chair. 

He flipped through pages on his desk, reading the details of what they did to you. “What is I.C.E.?” Bucky asked himself. 

“Injected Complying Enhancement.” 

Bucky turned as fast as he could to see you behind him. You were completely naked, body covered in dirt and grime, your hair was hacked and it seemed to have been pulled. Bucky just looked at your body, words were carved into your skin, every single one of them were infected, puss bubbles around the angry red scars. As his eyes trailed up he saw blue on your finger tips, then he reached your face to see a sunken cheekbone and massive cut on your forehead, but nothing compared to a generous piece of your nose hanging on by a thread, the tip was black. 

“Baby, do you know me?” Bucky asked through heavy tears, this wasn’t what he was expecting. 

You scanned over him, “Sergeant, James Buchanan Barnes, 32557038.” 

Right at that moment, he knew you were gone.

Winter Makes Ice tag list: @small-death-and-codeine​ @commonintrest​ @buckyys-doll​  @lil-baby-nor​

let me know if you want a tag!

#winter soldier fic #winter soldier oneshot #wintersoldier #winter soldier #sebastian stan #sebastian stan fluff #bucky barnes #bucky #barnes #bucky barns imagine #bucky series #bucky barnes series #bucky fluff #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #bucky angst #bucky love

[useyernamesteven]

(Needed some goofy fluff to distract myself from the angst im writing so buckle up, its long. Based on that one post I cannot find so if anyone can help a homie out, much appreciated)

Raya/Namaari Accidental Marriage Proposal

Its not a far stretch to assume that the different tribes have different practices and rituals. And given the 500 year gap in communication its also easy enough to assume that the tribes don't know about each others differing customs.

For example: marriage proposals. In Tail its as cut-and-dry as asking. Talon people propose with rings and jade coin. When you propose in Spine you chop down a tree to show your commitment and strength.

The Fang propose with blades. Fang people love their knives, daggers, spears, and other pointy weapons, so if you want to ask someone to marry you, you do it with a blade.

I like to imagine it'd be because offering a blade to someone- who isn't family -is the equivalent of trusting your life to that person. I like to think the Fang value not only a person's strength and honour, but their ability to care and protect their people. So giving a blade to your chosen love is like saying, "I'm giving you this weapon because I trust you with my heart, literally and metaphorically".

But again, 500 year old divide means others have no clue what giving a knife to someone from Fang entails...

So maybe its been a few months or so after the Druun have been vanquished. Raya is still re-learning how to be a 'princess' while playing liaison between the tribes, with Sisu as her partner in crime. She likes it because she still gets to travel and she gets to see her new friends from the other tribes: Boun's business is booming, Noi has started talking, and Tong has become the new Chief of Spine.

Then there's Namaari.

Six years of playing cat-and-mouse together (or rather angry kitten and homeless puppy) can be hard to overcome. At first it was a struggle. And incredibly awkward. Namaari, too guilt ridden over what she'd done, and Raya, still angry and socially stunted, could barely hold a conversation together.

Eventually Raya, fed up with the weird awkward talk, dragged Namaari to Fang's training grounds and challenged her to a sparring match. And only when it was over, the both of them exhausted and laying on the ground, did they start talking, actually talking. About what happened with the gem, with Sisu, what they can't let go of, not yet, but what they hope they can move past one day.

It made things after easier because it was familiar ground for them, but it also opened up new paths too. Now in the months since they saved the world and having spent that time working together, Raya would like to consider Namaari a close friend.

Which is probably why she's so surprised when Namaari off-handedly mentions her birthday is next week. Namaari, who's less than thrilled about her mother's plans for a big celebration, doesn't even notice how much Raya's caught off guard. Namaari doesn't really care for her birthday, much less when her mother makes a big deal about it, but she still brushes her hair behind her ear when she asks Raya if she's going to attend.

Raya recovers, nudging Namaari saying that she's obviously going, and boasting about the amazing gift she's going to bring.

Which then leads to her dragging Sisu to Talon in search of the perfect gift (Sisu being the only 'person' she knows who can help being that she's a master gift giver... Sisu's words, not Raya's, but still). They run around Talon for ages, with Sisu practically buying everything in sight (with the Heart Palace Credit of course) but Raya can't find a single thing she thinks Namaari would actually like.

And then she spots a Fang vendor selling blades.

The woman is nice and she asks Raya if she's looking for something in particular. Raya says she wants to get a dagger for 'someone special' from Fang (not wanting to rack up the price if the woman knew who it was for, but also completely unaware to what she's just implied).

The vendor seems a little surprised but she easily walks Raya through picking out the perfect dagger for her 'someone special'. Raya ends up buying a pretty, yet functional dagger with a dragon engraved in the blade and an ornate box to keep it in. As Raya's leaving the woman gives her a pat on the shoulder and says, "All the best for the both of you and I'm sure she'll say yes," which Raya can't really make sense of so she shrugs and leaves to go find Sisu and her mountain of trinkets.

So now its the party, and when Namaari said Virana was making a big deal about it, she really meant it. People from all the tribes are attending and Sisu's brought her brothers and sisters and there's music and food and fireworks...

And Namaari stands beside her mother in a beautiful dress that makes Raya's heart thud erratically (it's totally platonic). Her and her Ba walk up to them and start making small talk before her Ba and Virana break off to chat with other dignitaries, leaving Raya and Namaari together.

Raya likes how Namaari relaxes around her when its just them, despite the room full of people. They talk and banter and tease and laugh, but more than anything Raya just likes being with Namaari. And when Namaari mentions how much she hates formal wear, how dresses don't suit her, Raya makes it a game to see how many times she can mention how beautiful Namaari looks while they're talking, just because it makes Namaari flush and do the hair thing she does when she's shy. No other heart-related reason.

Its not until much later when Raya suddenly remembers the gift she brought and she runs off to fetch it. When she returns she hands Namaari the sleek box with a smile and a sheepish "Happy Birthday dep'la".

And Namaari's blushing and smiling as she takes the box, telling Raya she didn't have to as she opens the box-

And immediately slams it shut. Her face turns bright red and she whorls on Raya with wide eyes and a panicked, hissed "whatareyoudoing?!" And poor Raya's totally thrown, so sure she'd picked out the perfect gift. "You don't like it?" But Namaari shoves the box back into her hands, with another frenzied whisper "thatsnotit!"

Well now Raya's a little miffed because "You didn't even look at it" and before Namaari can stop her she's pulling the dagger from the box and offering it back to Namaari.

Meanwhile the room goes incredibly quiet as everyone from Fang suddenly notices what's happening between the princesses. Virana nearly spits out her drink. Everyone else carries on like normal, but a few people watch their new Fang friends with curious looks, completely out of the loop.

So now Raya's essentially down on one knee without realizing it, Namaari's about to have a heart attack, everyone from Fang is on the edge of their seat, and the dragons are having a rousing drinking contest with people from Spine.

So the party is going great.

Raya (oblivious to the world save for Namaari) is giving Namaari her strongest puppy dog eyes because she'd spent so long looking for the perfect gift dep'la, and "You're pretty special Namaari, special to me, and you deserve it."

Namaari, as red faced as she is, softens at Raya's admission, smiling a little to herself before she takes the dagger from Raya with a soft "it's lovely dep'la".

And suddenly the room's loud again as people from Fang start clapping and whistling. Everyone else is lost but soon they join in as well, despite having no clue as to what they're cheering for. Namaari's back to being flustered and she grabs Raya's hand and hauls her toward Virana and Benja. Raya, finally taking in the room around them, is confused as to why people are congratulating her and Namaari.

Virana has recovered by the time the two approach and if no one knew better it might've also appeared she was trying hard not to smile. Namaari hisses something to her mother Raya doesn't hear, and she shoots her Ba a questioning look. Benja looks a little pensive but he's got a quirk in his lips that Raya knows means mischief.

Virana gently pats her daughter's shoulder before turning to address the room, excusing the four of them. They turn to leave but not before Virana calls out to the crowd, "And it goes without saying you're all invited to the wedding as well," and then ushers her horrified daughter, her baffled betrothed, and Benja out the door.

Instantly Namaari's in hysterics, asking her mother why she'd say that when Raya obviously didn't know what she was doing. Virana, quite obviously playing ignorance, asks why Namaari accepted the blade if she knew what she was doing. And poor Namaari can only gape, red faced and no come back.

Raya has finally caught on to what she's done and yeah, okay now it all makes sense. The vendor, Namaari's (gay) panic, the congratulations... she just proposed to Namaari. She just proposed to Namaari. In front of most of Kumandra. Oh toi!

Benja, still smirking to himself, ruffles Raya's hair before turning to Namaari and Virana and saying, "To be fair... Namaari did propose first."

Marriage proposals in Heart are an exchange of necklaces. So when Namaari had given Raya the Sisu pendant back when they were kids, they'd essentially gotten engaged and since Raya kept it, they've technically been engaged for the past six years.

(Too) Long story short, Raya and Namaari get engaged, get married, fall in love, and live sapphically ever after.

End.

(Okay, I'm done. Back to angst.)

#raya and the last dragon #ratld #rayaari #rayamaari #raya and namaari #oof i lost steam halfway through this #sorry its so terrible #i just didnt really feel like actually writing it out

[mrsabednadir]

Savior

Summary: A bullet brings you closer to Spencer than you ever thought possible.

Warnings: gun violence, hospitals, self-loathing (Spencer), very mild cursing (like one F bomb) -- please let me know if I missed anything! // angst, fluff, but a definite happy ending

Pairing: Spencer Reid x GN Reader (they/them pronouns)

WC: 1.7k

A/N: I am not a doctor at all, so I have no idea if these injuries or the reader’s recovery are consistent or even possible LOL anyways enjoy! woohoo for second fics :D

Pablo Neruda once wrote, “if nothing saves us from death, at least love should save us from life.”

And how true his words were. Because as I stared down the barrel of a pistol, I felt elated, not scared.

I reminisced on the displays of love that saved me from life: Penelope showing up at my apartment completely unannounced with two trays of cupcakes after I got chewed out by Strauss; Rossi inviting the team to make carbonara whenever a case hit particularly hard; Emily’s checkups, calls, and texts whenever she noticed a metaphorical cloud hanging over me; Hotch’s stoic but reassuring presence that conveyed compassion without words; and Spencer — Spencer’s existence was a paragon of humanity.

It was Spencer who always asked for my opinion on cases when I was a rookie overcome by uncertainty and shyness, Spencer who brought me coffee every day, just the way I liked it, Spencer who always offered to take a couple of my cases from the endless stack of reports so I wouldn’t have to stay late. (although, in his own words, he found bureaucratic paperwork “mediative”...)

I didn’t even hear the gun go off nor the agonizing screams of the people I cared most about as metal cracked thunderously against my skull. Love was all I knew before nothingness mercifully embraced me like an old friend.

---

“Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it, we go nowhere.” That was Carl Sagan, Cosmos, chapter 1, page 9. That was easy to know and to remember. It was something I wanted to remember. But it’s a pitfall of an eidetic memory, the dichotomy between what one knows and what one happens to know.

For instance, I happen to know the unimaginable terror, overwhelming grief, and suffocating guilt of watching someone you love cling to life. I happen to know the horrible darkness consuming you like a cancer from the inside out as you watch pure evil empty a cartridge into the person you swore to protect. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get the image of him pointing the pistol to Y/N’s head, Y/N lurching forward, the 140-decibel boom of burning propellant, the blinding light of the muzzle flash, him crumpling to the ground as government bullets riddled his body…

Now, as I sat in the waiting room, my brain was swimming in thoughts. It was like Raskolnikov in Crime and Punishment: “scraps and shreds of thoughts were swarming in his brain, but he could not rest on one.” But was I guilty of murder? Did I get Y/N killed? Was I no good as a frenzied axeman?

And very suddenly, the harsh, unforgiving hospital lights seemed to morph into a single beam, focused on me. It was the light of an interrogation room, demanding answers. But I had none. I couldn’t give a good explanation as to why I agreed to split up with Y/N, why my geographic profile failed, why I failed...I kept my head down, but I could still almost feel seven pairs of eyes blaming me. They didn’t say anything, but they didn’t have to.

I might as well have fired the bullet into Y/N’s brain myself.

Just then, I heard someone calling me from far away, as I desperately tried to escape to a distant land where Y/N wasn’t lingering between life and death.

“Reid?” It was Morgan.

I looked up towards him. He nudged me to where a tired doctor stood, ready to address us. This was it, this was the moment I would either come to remember with bliss or sorrow.

“The bullet,” she explained, “just grazed the back of the head. It passed through the occipital lobe and made a clean exit on the other side.

“Moreover, the trauma sustained was severe: multiple broken ribs, a partially-collapsed lung, as well as innumerable bruises, cuts, and hairline fractures. There also appeared to be an onset of hemorrhagic hypovolem-”

I was growing more impatient--and scared--with each additional injury. Hotch felt the same way apparently, as he asked, “Doctor?” With one word, and a plea in his eyes for the truth, she understood.

“Yes.”

I felt like I could cry right then and there. I was crying. For the past few days, I was Atlas, but the world had finally been lifted off my shoulders. There was no solace as sweet as this. I was worlds away, to the land where Y/N would be okay, except this was no fantasy — it was real.

-- -

When I finally woke up, I was no longer strapped to a chair in a dilapidated, forgotten factory. My fingers felt the scratchy but reassuring presence of hospital linens, my eyes fought to adjust to the light, my ears registered the monotone beeping of the vital signs monitor.

I was alive. Love kept me alive.

“Oh my god!”

I grinned; I could recognize Penelope’s voice anywhere.

“You’re awake! You’re actually awake! How are you feeling?,” she exclaimed as she rushed over to hug me.

“It’s great to see you too,” I smiled, ignoring the slight discomfort in my sides.

“Reid’s gonna be so mad he missed this!”

“Where is he?” There was probably no one else I wanted to see more right now. There were so many things I had to tell him: “I’m okay,” “it’s not your fault,” “I love you”....

“He said he’d be getting jello from the cafeteria. Y/N, he’s been here every single day since you were admitted. You know what that means? I mean, I’m no profiler, but it sounds like the BAU has two new lovebirds!” she teased.

“Thank you, Penelope, for that wonderful analysis,” I laughed and jokingly rolled my eyes. “But maybe he was just a concerned citizen. He is a doctor, you know.”

“You and I both know that Dr. Spencer Reid has a particular fondness for-”

Speak of the devil. He just had to come back now.

“Who knows that I have a particular fondness for what?” he asked. His eyebrows endearingly furrowed in confusion, and I felt a new wave of affection crash down all over me.

But when he turned and saw me, I knew what it was like to truly love. It was like nothing I ever felt before, but it was everything I hoped it could be. It was the glimpse of sunshine aching to escape from clouds; it was the song of morning birds commemorating a new beginning; it was the snow melting to make way for the spring; it was the blossom of every flower on Earth all at once.

There was a tenderness in his expression that seemed to emerge from deep within his heart. It was in his softened eyes, his widened smile, his flushed cheeks. He had never looked more beautiful.

“You’re okay,” he whispered so quietly that I almost missed it.

“Of course I am — you saved me.”

Penelope cleared her throat. “I think I’ll leave you two to catch up,” she winked before shuffling out.

The room was almost completely silent, aside from Penelope’s departing heels and the ever-steady chatter of hospital machinery.

“Spencer?”

He looked up. I extended my hand to him, and he grasped it like a lifeline.

“I already know what you’re thinking,” I continued. “None of this is your fault.”

He moved as if about to object, but I waved him off.

“We both made the decision to split up back there. And as a matter of fact, you were the one to rescue me.”

“No, t-that was the whole team,” he stammered. “Y/N — God, I’m so unbelievably fucking sorry. A-and I should never have let you have gone off by yourself, I should have been more careful with the geo-profile, I should have-”

I shook my head. With every disparaging remark about himself, my heart threatened to fracture.

“Spencer, listen to me. Do you know how I got through that week? Of course I kept clinging on to hope that the team would never stop searching. But more than anything, I thought of you. You were my end goal, Spencer. I fought every day to see your smile again, to hear your laugh. Do you get what I’m saying?”

He met my eyes but said nothing. There was something completely unreadable in his face, like he was holding something back.

“Spencer,” I heard my voice shaking. How do you tell someone that whenever you look at the stars, you find comfort in knowing that you share the same night sky?

“Spencer, I-I love you. You don’t have to say it back, not now or ever. But you need to know that you saved my life so many times, in more ways than one. I’ve known for a long time that I’ve loved you. And now you do too.”

His hand was still on mine, and I wondered if he could feel the longing that emanated from me. For a moment, I worried that I had come on too strong too soon. But the smile that emerged on his face put all my worries to rest.

“I’m glad I didn’t have to say it first,” he laughed. “Y/N, I’ve loved you probably ever since you walked into the bullpen six years, eight months, twelve days ago. The only reason I say ‘probably’ is because…” he paused, as if searching for both the right thing to say and courage. “‘I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.’”

I couldn’t help but smile at the reference. “You know what? I don’t care if they’re the greatest love story of all time. I definitely love you more than Elizabeth loves Darcy.”

He laughed. “I could definitely say the same.”

And that was what I remembered before I drifted to sleep, warm and content, with Spencer’s hand in mine — proof of the love that saved me from life.

#criminal minds #criminal minds fic #spencer reid fic #spencer reid angst #spencer reid x gn!reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #dr spencer reid #spencer reid #fbi bau #bau x reader #birdiewrites

[bloodycassian]

Little bit smutty! Part 2ish of hellish Reader x cassian

You stared at him. He stared back. And the rest of them stared at both of you.  His eyes did not leave yours for an instant. Even when the door slammed shut from a cold wind. Shapes moved in the corner of your vision, but you stayed locked with Cassian. Your shared link was currently a courting battle. A dance of thoughts and feelings, mixed emotions and fear. The fear mainly from your side. And he was trying to comfort you.

"What's going on?" Someone whispered. A small voice, but concerned.  A huff of breath, and they were shuffling out of the room. Leaving you and the war lord alone. You could still hear them from the kitchen, but you let it fade. You let yourself be drawn back on that platform where his presence waited for you. You closed your eyes.

"Where are you from?" He asked, too casual to be normal. His mind was protected, but he had opened that connection just enough to be able to ask you questions. "You think I'm going to answer that after your friend nearly killing me?" You said, dancing your essence around him in a tickling way.

He rumbled, that earthy tone of his presence was warm. Welcoming, as if he was made just for you to come home to. "If I had known-" He began, but you cut him off with a sharp shove of force. "You would have what? Not almost killed him?" 

He sighed, exasperated. Shame roiled in his gut, but he knew what had to be said. He pushed down the feelings of guilt for what he had done to his brother.  "Brother?" You inquired, surprised. "You look nothing alike." Which was neither a good or bad thing. They were both some of the most gorgeous males you'd ever seen. Much better looking than the warriors at home who only worked on the muscles visible. You could tell he was built, a lithe warrior through and through. You tried not to imagine him shirtless. A booming heat raced down the line, and you tried your best to get away from those thoughts. He shifted on the couch.

"Metaphor. Tell me how we can help you." He was upfront, straight to the point and you appreciated it. However, you weren't going to give up your assignment just because you'd met a male that happened to be your mate. The Witches would burn you alive. Or turn you into a wicked monster for the rest of eternity. You shivered at the ideas that they could draw to life.

You scowled, "You mean how I can help your court, right?"

"You tell me. You seem pretty freaked out about whoever you're doing this for." He said with a sly tone. You felt yourself burn, rage and embarrassment lurching forward. A quiver of humor ran down the line that connected you. You tried to shut it out, to somehow cut off that connection.

"Sorry honey, we're stuck with this now." He said aloud, breaking you away from that dark bridge. You cracked your eyes slowly, wishing it was all a dream. His cocky expression made your heart soar, and your muscles burn with the urge to hit him. 

+  

It was a struggle for Cassian to leave you. Especially to leave you with Amren. He warned her that if anything happened there would be helll to pay. She merely waved a hand and told him to piss off. He was fighting himself and everyone else, it seemed. 

"We cannot have them here with so little knowledge of-" Azriel stopped when Cassian entered, his boots thudding against the familiar wooden floor. He looked away, ashamed. Rhys was trying his best to keep himself under control and consider the mating bond. Tried to make himself think back to the first weeks of his and Feyre's taking place. The possessiveness, the hunger. He looked at his brother in a new light, being able to control his urges was a battle even Rhys hand't won. "Az, I'm sorry." Cassian said through his teeth. He was tired of the guilt, of the way Azriel dared not speak around him. "Can you please just-"

"Not until we have your bond...figured out." Rhys interrupted. He looked Cassian up and down in a way that made Cas feel dirty. 

"Theres nothing to figure out, Rhys. My mate is just an assassin sent to kill my own brother, and now we dont know if there's a scouting party out for us or not." "I know Cassian, it's not about the threat. It's about you." Rhys met his brothers eyes, saw the smoldering there. Azriel only glanced to Rhys, then wrapped those shadows around himself and left. He ascended the stairs slowly, not daring a glance in your direction. You could see the shadows crawling after him like a loyal pet. 

It gave you goosebumps to watch. You stared at the small female that was assigned to watch over you. She sipped from a paper cup like it was salvation. "Good wine?" You asked, nodding to her hand. 

She glanced between it and you, then trilled a long laugh.

+ Cassian knocked on your window that night. Rhys had refused to allow you to sleep in the same house together, especially since you were locked up. He feared Cassian would break down the entire house trying to get to you if he had any...urges. 

Your heart raced when your eyes met his through the glass. His smile was bright against the dark sky. "What do you want?" You hissed, trying to make sure he heard the quiet rage in your voice. 

"Come on, I wont tell." He gripped the windowsill, and held a hand out for you. He reached down that bond and caressed your spirit with a warm, golden light. Hope, and joy. Your stomach flipped. And without thinking, you let him take you into the night. You found flying with him exhilitarting, and relaxing. The soft sway that carried you nearly put you to sleep. The mind bridge was silent, as if it was waiting for something. His siphons glowed a happy amber that lit up the water when he coasted over a small lake. Then he landed, the rocks on the bank making nearly zero noise. 

And the breath was knocked from you. The tall mountain eclipsing the stars themselves was reflected in the lake in perfect clarity. The stars shimmered around it, framing the snow capped peaks. There was a brush of cold wind that made you wrap your arms around yourself. Then, Cassian was there. "May I?" He asked, holding a long sleeved tunic up. You hadn't noticed the bag he packed before. You nodded, and let him guide the sleeves over your arms. 

He brushed your hair off of your neck and you felt it then. The hot rush that snapped in your core. He stilled completely, that bridge alight with heat that was never there before. Your neck tingled, practically begging for him to touch you again. Your skin was too hot. 

His words began tumbling out before he could think. "I'm sorry I-" Nerves pricked at his stomach, making him nearly nauseous with disgust at himself. Stupid. Stupid male taken over by instinct and nothing else. He was risking his entire court for one person. His mate, though. He tried to shake the reasoning away, but it was undeniable.

"Touch me." You managed to whisper. Your eyes wide, you dared not look at him. If you did you feared you would be the one taking him instead of the other way around. You stared out toward the icy peaks. 

He hesitated long enough for your eyes to dart to his, to see the full blown pupils there. His siphons flared, and you couldn't hold back the flare of desire any longer. He met you half way, lips crashing into yours. It was a competition, who could get the other to moan first. You were determined to win.

He flicked his tongue over your lip. You growled and ripped his tunic off, exposing the muscled torso underneath. You pulled away, wanting to taste him everywhere, anywhere. He kept you at bay, watching you for only a second before a wicked grin appeared. "My turn." He growled, his voice deep and husky. 

He pulled off your shirt and traced a long line down your side, earning a hiss from you. Then, he stopped. Suddenly, coldly.  "You're-" His mouth fell open at the tattoo on your sternum. The sigil that marked you with what you were. You had forgotten completely. You rushed a hand to his hair, pulling back sharply. "Shut up and fuck me." You demanded. Despite his unease, he obliged with a cocky grin.

#hellish #cassian x reader

[dainty-fingertips]

hail 2 u! ||polnareff x fem! reader

HEY HI so im just kinda dumping stuff from google docs onto here to kind of establish myself so anyway heres my french bb wjhged;; also minor spoilers if you haven’t finished stardust crusaders!!

word count: 2449

summary: you and polnareff were teamed by dio himself and saved by jotaro in hong kong. polnareff is hit with a wave of guilt as you and the crusaders reach what joseph has said to be avdol’s father’s island. you follow him out onto the beach to try and comfort him, and while it seems to work, the enemy stand hiding nearby inside an old middle-eastern kerosene lamp has no intention of giving you both time alone. that is, until the frenchman makes a certain wish.

trigger warnings: none :)

||

          He sat down on the chopped stump of a palm tree, his head in the palm of his hand. She had followed after him when he walked away, she knew he wouldn’t stop blaming himself for the death of Avdol. She approached him from behind with a worried look on her face. “Polnareff…” She said, softly. He turned around. “Oh, [y,n].” He said. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be with Mr Joestar and the others?” She stayed silent. She calmly walked toward the Frenchman and rested on a large rock to his right. “I couldn’t just let you go on your own.” She muttered, her face growing warm. “You know what happens when you’re left by yourself, anyway.” She smiled somberly, trying to lighten the mood.

          He chuckled dryly. “Yeah, yeah.” He turned toward her a bit. Thankfully her weak attempt at humor had worked, as his expression seemed less dull. The wind picked up a bit, causing the afternoon sun to beam down a bit more harshly on the beach. He turned his head, and she followed suit. He squinted his eyes. “Hey, is that…?” She tilted her head. “It looks like…” He stood up and approached the shiny object, a dull gold hue peppering through a barnacle clad shell. She raised herself off of the rock and took a few steps forward, glancing around his side. “It’s pretty.” He said, his eyebrows raised.

          He picked it up and examined it. “I wonder if it came from a shipwreck. Look at all of those barnacles.” She added, moving around and picking at it with her fingernails. “Hey, hey! Careful! You might scratch the gold underneath!” He said, holding it above his head and significantly out of her reach. “H-Hey! No fair, Pol!” She cried with furrowed eyebrows. He laughed at her futile attempts. “Yeah, right!” The two of them went through a solid minute of teasing, insulting, jumping, and punching (Three of those four were brought upon by [y,n], that is), it seemed that the strange object had been rubbing around in his hand quite a bit.

          A sudden burst of blinding light beamed out through what was left of the barnacles and caused Polnareff and [y,n] both to panic, and him to drop it. They both stepped back, [y,n] opposite to him. An odd smoke rose out of the tip of what was now seen to be a kerosene lamp of sorts; similar to the one from Aladdin. Though, the smoke disappeared just as quickly as it had come, causing the two of them to look around confused. The light and smoke both were gone, but the lamp remained. Polnareff sighed after a moment. “Man! That was weird. Must’ve been pressurized air from inside.” He said, a hand on his forehead. [y,n] nodded looking to the left. “Would’ve been cooler if there were a genie, but, you’re right. Probably just gas.”

          When she looked back, however, she panicked and pointed behind him. “P-Polnareff, look out! A Stand!” He jumped, his eyes widening. He took long strides toward her and whipped his head around. “What the hell?!” A peculiar looking Stand, one which appeared to be more industrial than some of the previous that the group had encountered. “Three wishes!” The Stand called, holding up an arm-like appendage; though it had only three fingers on each hand. “I will grant you three wishes! Whatever you wish is my command, master!” The Stand was gigantic, standing a solid 10 feet tall. “My name is Cameo. Thank you for letting me out of my lamp.” [y,n] glanced around, sweat sliding down her cheek. “Uhh, n-no problem.”

          Though, it didn’t seem that Polnareff was ready to initiate conversation with the entity. “Another Stand user! [y,n], back me up!” She looked at him and nodded her head. Blossom Samurai and Silver Chariot, both sword wielding Stands, got into a sort of formation, with Samurai behind Chariot. They battered Cameo with their swords, but they barely did any damage. Chariots rapier was too weak, and Blossom’s attacks were only a mere second too slow causing Cameo to dodge with ease. “Son of a…” Breathed them both in unison. “You’re pretty strong!” Said Polnareff. “Your user must be close. Where is he?” Cameo crossed its arms. “Again, I’m here only to grant wishes. Do you want your first wish to be a lame one like that?” He groaned.

          Polnareff granted. “Yeah, yeah, what is it with you and wishes, huh? Are you saying you can make me rich right now?” Cameo’s voice was unwavering. “Is that your first wish?” Polnareff relaxed a small bit, but was still on edge. “You know what? Sure, dumbo. Let’s see you put your money where your mouth is.” Cameo’s arms uncrossed. [y,n] squinted. “Fine, then. Your wish shall be granted.” The two of them raised their eyebrows. “Huh?” Mumbled [y,n]. Cameo put its arms in an odd position, like a puppeteer would do, and raised its voice. “Hail 2 U!” 

          It immediately disappeared, causing them to blink a few times and watch the leftover smoke dissipate. Polnareff reached down and pulled the half buried lamp from the sand. Night had nearly fallen by now, but it was still visible. “What was all that about?” Polnareff asked in a confused tone. He sighed. “So…” she muttered. “What was that thing? Was it a Stand, or wasn’t it?” He shrugged. “If it is, what a weird Stand to send after someone.” He noted with a chuckle. She nodded her head. Damn these Stand users; she just wanted a chance to be with Polnareff. She excused the thought from her head with a bite of her lip. “Do you think maybe it’s got something to do with Avdol’s dad?” He shrugged his shoulders, the sunlight caressing his face in a way that would make anyone melt. 

          Her face got hot again. This stupid Frenchman has no idea what he’s doing, sending soft gazes her way. Every time he laughed, she felt like melting butter. She couldn’t help but look away from him with a coy grin. Polnareff chuckled. “Hey, what’s that look for? Come on, you don’t have to force yourself to look away. I know you think I’m hot.” He teased nonchalantly. She rolled her eyes and laughed. “Hah! As if, stupid.” She sent him a playful grin and stuck her tongue out. She was really hoping he didn’t actually know.

          It was then in that moment, both of them smiling goofily at each other, that a noise was heard. “Hey, what was that?” He asked, turning around. “Sounded like metal.” She said, walking in the direction of the noise. It was near; maybe just in the grass 6 feet away. Polnareff followed suit, and lo and behold. “W-Whoa!” She cried, leaning in. “No way!” He yelled afterward. The two of them crowded around what appeared to be a half buried chest of doubloons, jewelry, and bejeweled goldware. “T-That’s real buried treasure!” He called, scooping a few coins out. “But how?” She asked, tuning her fingers through it. “Hell if I know! But this is all mine!” He laughed chaotically. 

          “You little—! I helped you find this, I get half! 50/50!” He snorted. “As if, stupid!” He retorted, mocking her previous statement. “Ooooh, I’m gonna kick your--!” Directly before she went for his money, Cameo’s booming voice echoed from above. “Now, what is your second wish? I shall grant it.” The two of them shot their gazes up to the Stand. Polnareff freaked and dropped the coins, to which [y,n] then picked up and stuffed in her pocket. “Y-You! Why are you doing this?! Whatever you have up your sleeve, I’m not falling for it!” He yelled up at the genie, perched in a palm tree. “I am keeping the gold though.” He added shortly after.

          Cameo stayed silent for a moment. The only sound that could be heard was the wind blowing and the ocean rocking. “Is the answer to that question your second wish? As thanks for my freedom, I’ll give you anything,  including such a stupid answer.” [y,n] huffed and nudged Polnareff. He looked down at her and his expression softened. “F-Fine, then.” He closed his eyes and sighed. “I want to be a comic artist!” He exclaimed. The answer threw [y,n] for a loop completely. A comic artist? She had never known he was interested in art. In fact, the only interest he’d shown was when he’d watch her draw.

          “I’ve always wanted to be one! And not just some starving artist, either! I want to be more popular than Walt Disney!” She furrowed her eyebrows with a stunned expression. “Huh?” She whispered. “Pol, I don’t think—“ he cut her off. “I want to create Polnareff Land!” He stood with his arms out in a comically dramatic stance, [y,n] in a stunned (and slightly embarrassed) silence at his side. “... Is this your wish?” Polnareff lowered his arms. “Actually, no, wait,” Oh thank God. She wiped metaphorical sweat from her forehead. Maybe he’d think of something more rational.

          “I want a girlfriend!”

          The phrase made her freeze in place. Her eyes were wide and her throat closed. He wanted a girlfriend, did he? He really must have just thought of her as a friend, then. She kept her mouth shut and kept her eyes on Cameo. What was she supposed to say to that? The words echoed in her mind. She wanted to love him like that so badly, but Polnareff seemed to feel otherwise. “Love is better than money or fame.” He said with a grin. At least he was sincere about that, she could tell. “She’s got to be really cute. I want a girl who’s my perfect match! Our pinkies entwined with the red string of love!” He held up his right pinkie finger for emphasis. 

          Polnareff had never made her feel so conflicted before. Her insecurities began to softly gnaw at her. Was she not cute enough? She felt like they were perfect for each other. She’d liked him since Hong Kong. Was this really happening? She simply kept her gaze on Cameo. She stared at it. What was it going to do? She thought genies couldn’t make people fall in love. “You want me to find the perfect match for you?” It asked him. “Yeah! Try that, bastard!” Cameo sat still for a moment. As she was staring, she noticed it turn its head slightly in her direction. It was looking at her.

          She inhaled sharply. What was it doing? Cameo was completely silent for several seconds until it finally decided to pipe up. “Very well.” It turned its head back to Polnareff slowly. “Hail 2 U!” The Stand once again dissolved into smoke. Polnareff looked at his finger expectantly, and sure enough, there it was. She saw it too. The red string of fate. He grinned. “Oh, wow! I finally get to have my perfect girl!” He beamed. She stayed silent. He looked down at her curiously. “Hey, you okay? You’d usually have made fun of me or something by now.” She looked ahead and nodded. “Yeah! Yeah, I’m good. I’m happy for you, man.” Though she never once looked at him. Polnareff sighed. “Thanks, I’m glad too! Let’s see, where does it lead?” He held the string and noticed it went to his right. He looked in growing surprise to see [y,n] standing there, staring into the ocean with the most flat look he’d seen her sport, and a growing lump in her throat. Was she about to cry?

          He wasn’t really sure what prompted him to do it. What made him want to look down first before pressing her on how she felt. Though he was sure glad he did; in fact, it was arguably the best decision he made during that 50 day trip. If he hadn’t taken a mere half second to glance down below her waist, Polnareff wouldn’t have caught the crimson string tied around her finger until a much later, possibly much more awkward time during their interaction. He felt his heart swell inside of his chest, sheer ecstasy causing blood to rush to his cheeks and make his face burn as if he himself were a bonfire of sheer emotion.

          “H-Hey…” he began, reaching out with a shaky left hand. “Hm?” She looked over. She hoped the darkness of night would hide the tear that had dropped from her right eye and down her cheek. “[y,n], you, uh… your hand.” She slowly held up her left hand and stared in shock at the string around her pinkie. “That’s— that’s the-“ she quickly turned to look at his hand. Sure enough, the two were bound. Polnareff soon grew a stupid grin. “Well, well. Look at that.” The utter euphoria she experienced in that moment went unmatched with anything else she’d ever felt. “We-“ she choked back another sob as more tears fell. She covered her mouth and shut her eyes. 

          Polnareff freaked out. “H-Hey!! You okay? [y,n], c’mon! I’m not that bad!” He joked. “You idiot!” She called, throwing her arms around him. “You scared me!” She heaved into his shoulder. “I thought- I thought you didn’t—“ she shakily said. He chuckled. “Hey, hey! Calm down! If you’re wondering if I didn’t like you, you’re not just wrong. You’re stupid.” He grinned softly. She giggled like a little kid on Christmas. “I was so afraid when you said you wanted a girlfriend.” She said, pulling away. Polnareff put his arms around her waist. 

          “I thought I wasn’t good enough.” She laughed awkwardly. “I only said it because I thought you didn’t like me.” She noticed a glimmer in Polnareff’s eye; he was crying too. “O-Oh, Pol, you-“ before she could say another word he pressed his full lips against hers in a brief kiss. “Shut up.” He laughed, tears smeared on her face. She snorted and wiped his cheek. “I’ve liked you for so long. Ever since Hong Kong.” He scoffed playfully. “Ever since Dio paired us, you little snail. Did you just ignore all my little attempts to go on dates with you?” She giggled. “I didn’t wanna take it the wrong way. You never actually asked, idiot.” 

“Well, how about this.” He cleared his throat and laughed again. “Do you want to go on a date with me?” She nodded with a dumb grin. “Yes, yes, of course, dumbass.” She leaned up for a kiss and he returned the gesture. “Let’s beat the hell outta this guy and regroup, okay?” He smiled. “My pleasure.”

#jojo's bizarre adventure #jjba x reader #jjba sdc #stardust crusaders #jean pierre polnareff #polnareff jojo #jean pierre polnareff x reader #polnareff x reader #jjba part three #jotaro kujo #muhammed avdol #joseph joestar #noriaki kakyoin #iggy jjba #jjba fanfic #this is old but idc #i think its cute so HAH #x reader #anime x reader

[feralphoenix]

NO ONE IS HAPPY WITH THIS: Leitmotif & Sound Palette In “Sealed Vessel”

whats UP hk fandom i am back with—“more picante takes?” WOW YES HOW DID YOU KNOW!!!

CONTENT WARNING FOR TONIGHTS PROGRAM: today we are discussing the hollow knight boss fight, and all that entails for all the characters involved. relatedly this post does not have anything nice to say about the pale king, so if you’re very protective of his character, you may want to skip it.

FURTHERMORE, i would like to iterate that this essay is working from a place of compassion for ghost, hollow, radiance, AND hornet, because every single one of them is miserable at this point in the game and doesn’t want the events of this boss fight to be happening at all. this post is not an appropriate place to dunk on ANY of them. if you want to do that, please do it elsewhere.

thanks for your understanding.

ALSO, AS USUAL: if youre from a christian cultural upbringing (whether currently practicing, agnostic/secular, or atheist now), understand that some of what i’m discussing here may challenge you. if thinking thru the implications of radiance and the moth tribe’s backstory is distressing for you, PLEASE only approach this essay when youre in a safe mindset & open to listening, and ask the help of a therapist or anti-racism teacher/mentor to help you process your thoughts & feelings. just like keep in mind that youre listening to an ethnoreligiously marginalized person and please be respectful here or wherever else youre discussing this dang essay, ty

NO ONE IS HAPPY WITH THIS: Leitmotif & Sound Palette In “Sealed Vessel”

A while back @grimmradiance​ made a lovely essay about comparing and contrasting Hollow’s moveset in their Hollow Knight and Pure Vessel boss fights and using what can be gleaned from the differences to speculate about their psychology. (This essay is currently their pinned, but I’ll attach a link in a reblog.) It is extremely good, and it made me want to look at the Hollow Knight boss fight my own self through one of my own areas of expertise, meaning music!

As we are all well aware, Christopher Larkin's soundtrack to Hollow Knight rules ass. There are two specific ways in which it rules ass that are relevant to this essay: Leitmotif, and sound palette.

Quick rundown for folks who aren’t familiar with these terms: A leitmotif is a melody associated with a character or event or mood that's incorporated into songs in different ways based on what's happening in the story. Undertale is an example of a game with an incredibly strong use of leitmotif that’s really only possible because Toby Fox is both the composer and the game creator, so he can synchronize the subtleties of the writing with music and scene scripting too.

The phrase “sound palette” can have a lot of meanings, but in this case I’m using it to refer to specific instruments or groups of instruments that are associated with certain characters. If you’ve watched Steven Universe and seen interviews/production commentary by its composer team Aivi & Surasshu, you’ll hear them talking about part of their approach to scoring episodes being how each main character is represented by certain instruments: Steven with the triangle wave, Pearl with jazz piano, and so on.

Hollow Knight is a small team project rather than a one-person show, so Christopher Larkin can’t go quite AS over-the-top with leitmotif integration as Toby Fox can on simple virtue of Team Cherry having to communicate what they want to him. But Larkin is Hollow Knight's sound designer as well as its composer, so he folds leitmotif and character sound palette together with striking use of stems to create a very immersive and cinematic musical experience that enhances HK’s story and gameplay.

This brings us back to the track Sealed Vessel, which has EXTREMELY tight and cinematic sound design and uses leitmotif and sound palette to not just sock players in the feelings during a charged and dramatic boss fight, but also tell us a lot about what Hollow and Radiance are experiencing emotionally, especially with the gameplay in mind.

So, let’s play the soundtrack version of Sealed Vessel (and some other stuff) and talk about what’s going on in the game during it!

You may want to get out your copy of the OST or visit Christopher Larkin’s Bandcamp page so that you can listen along.

LEITMOTIF & SOUND PALETTE

Before we actually get into analyzing Sealed Vessel, let’s talk about the involved characters’ leitmotifs/sound palettes so we know what we’re listening for.

Both of these things are easiest to identify when characters have a distinct theme song. Ghost does not. However, the main theme of Hollow Knight (see: the title track, Hollow Knight) is used as a leitmotif for the vessels as a whole. Most pieces involved with a vessel character include this leitmotif somewhere. For instance, you can find this leitmotif and variations on it in Broken Vessel’s boss theme. The Vessel leitmotif is led by a cello solo here, so we can identify that the cello is the central part of Broken Vessel’s personal sound palette.

When the Vessel theme is associated with Ghost in specific, it tends to be performed by viola and/or piano, as it is on the title track and in other places like the opening cinematic.

Moving on to Hollow, their specific sound palette is established not in Sealed Vessel but in Pure Vessel, their pantheon boss theme. (Sealed Vessel was composed first, since the Godmaster DLC didn’t drop until over a year after HK’s initial release, meaning Pure Vessel was reverse-engineered/extrapolated from relevant parts of Sealed Vessel. But we’ll get into that later!)

The major instrumental fixtures in Pure Vessel are choir and tubular bells (i.e., those dramatic vertical fellas that sound like church bells or a carillon), with some soft background instrumentation: bass drum, woodwinds (appropriately led by flute in the main melody’s “falling motion” - flute is the centerpiece of TPK’s sound palette), strings, and high/mid brass. Hollow’s overall sound palette has a very Christian choir-esque sound (in the Pure Vessel theme this is very idealized and saintly: soft and slow and tragic) and the beginning of their leitmotif has a very distinctive climbing melody that mirrors their ascent from the Abyss. The Unbearable Vesselness Of Being leitmotif is absent from the Pure Vessel track.

Meanwhile, Radiance’s boss theme is a very fun expression of her character upon which Larkin evidently went ham. Her sound palette is expressed through full orchestra (plus choir and pipe organ) that has a special emphasis on the bass part of the brass section, which does not see much use in the HK soundtrack. Her leitmotif has also got cute and distinctive touches: It’s full of triplets to match her tiara-looking antennae, and also has a repeated “fluttery” pattern of background sixteenth notes as countermelody, often spiraling downwards.

The majority of the piece is loud and bombastic and in a minor key to play up the “resplendent and terrible” wrathful aspect of herself Radi is pushing during this section of gameplay, a very quintessentially moth intimidation tactic: Try to look as scary as possible to keep your enemies from messing with you, since you’re not built for fighting. These blasts of intensity from the brass section match Radiance’s strategy of Overwhelm You With Bullet Hell Spam To Make Up For Lack Of Battle Experience/Poor Aim. But in between said intensity spikes you can hear traces of softer instrumentation and major key, little glimpses of a gentle warmth we can otherwise only infer from her backstory and the implications of Moth Tribe lore.

0:00 - 0:41 - OPENING AMBIANCE

The Sealed Vessel track begins with the ambiance of the Black Egg Temple’s interior: The faint tones of the glowing seals we hear when we pass by them, the only light in a pitch-black world besides the floor lighting up under Ghost’s feet.

Then a slow string tremolo fades in, slowly growing louder. In the track new notes join the tremolo progressively, while in-game a violin joins the anticipatory chord every time you snap one of Hollow’s chains. Which, may I say: A+++++++ sound design!!!!!! Rules ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The tremolo reaches a peak in dynamics - all three characters present are extremely tense - and then cuts off to allow for Hollow’s boss battle opening, i.e. Radiance screaming. Team Cherry kindly demarcates each phase of the battle with a Radi yell.

0:43 - 1:39 - PHASE 1: HOLLOW ON AUTOPILOT

Phase 1 opens immediately with Hollow’s leitmotif in bells, but with brass, piano, and percussion backing them up; grand and tragic. In the background the bass section of the orchestra's strings flutter in a repetitive pattern of 16th notes, i.e. Panicky Radi Noises. The violins harmonize with Hollow's leitmotif as it climbs, but then join the rest of the string section in fluttering 16th notes, transmuting what in Pure Vessel is the flute leading Hollow back down (8th notes) to a slightly louder “a” from the backseat.

In actual gameplay, the only attacks Hollow uses are their basic nail skills. Building on grimmradiance’s analysis of the window their attacks provide to their psychology, and pairing that with the Pure Vessel leitmotif booming over the metaphorical loudspeakers, we can tell that this is Hollow reacting automatically to a threat the way that their father trained them to. Their conscious mind might still be making dialup noises at Ghost’s sudden reappearance jumpscaring them with murky childhood guilt and trauma, but that’s only let muscle memory take over. Slash, parry, charge and thrust. Their time spent at bee bootcamp (which we can assume because Hornet was trained at the Hive and Hollow’s form while nail fighting is identical to hers on their shared moves) has served them well.

Radiance, meanwhile, has frozen completely for this combat phase, and contributes nothing here except the anxiety of the string section.

As the strings continue to go “a” the piano (Ghost) and woodwinds harmonize on something between Hollow’s personal leitmotif and the Vessel leitmotif in the backdrop.

However at around 1:29ish, the key changes, building into an overall color change for the Sealed Vessel piece.

1:39 - 2:15 - PHASE 2: SHE’S AS SCARED OF YOU AS YOU ARE OF HER

In actual gameplay, the part of Sealed Vessel used for phases 1 and 2 of the Hollow Knight fight is the Entirety of 0:43 - 2:15, possibly because there’s no easy transition spot like there is between phase 2 and phase 3. But the changes to Hollow’s moveset are clearly tied to this specific part of the piece.

Phase 2 is where Radiance pushes herself past her freeze response and starts trying to hit Ghost. Hollow gains two attacks here, which we can tell are Radi because they’re often accompanied by her crying (a softer and more abbreviated sound than her full scream): These two attacks are the Infection blob blast and the Light/Void pillar attack that hits for a full 2 masks damage (which appear to be Radi’s take on Hollow’s Pure Vessel-exclusive moves, their grabby tentacles & silver knife pillars respectively).

In the Sealed Vessel track, this part of the piece is almost entirely Radiance’s fluttering. The strings start by following the descending motion of Hollow’s leitmotif but in 16th notes, then ratchet up to start spiraling down again while straying further from Hollow’s leitmotif. This section ends in a back and forth between hard blasts in a one-two-(rest)-one-two-three pattern and gasps of fluttering between, with piano and low brass building behind it. Eventually the nervous fluttering of the strings becomes less frequent between the blasts: Radiance is inexperienced with fighting and very very afraid, but she’s also FUCKING PISSED and prepared to defend herself.

The OST version of the piece punctuates the break between the first half of the piece and the second with Radiance’s scream.

2:16 - 4:04 - PHASE 3: “I’M HELPING! :)” SAID HOLLOW; “HOLY SHIT PLEASE DON’T,” SAID LITERALLY EVERYONE

Phase 3 opens with Hollow stabbing themself repeatedly, a movement pattern they repeat throughout the phase. It is shocking the first time you see it, and never stops being horrible and sad no matter how many times you do this part of the fight.

Here, Hollow’s mind has finally come back online after their own freeze response, and they choose to destroy themself and bequeath the duty of sealing Radiance to Ghost. Even if they can’t be the one to make their father proud, they can still make sure their directive gets carried out.

Radiance knows exactly what they’re up to and why, and she reacts to this by completely losing her head and mashing buttons in a panic. This is something we see out of her at the ends of her boss fights too, where she’s feeling too threatened and afraid to do anything but spam optic blasts. In the Hollow Knight boss fight this manifests in two horrifying-looking but easy-to-avoid new attacks: The Infection blob sprinkler and the ragdoll.

Ghost does not react visibly because we're in gameplay, but their horror and grief at their sibling’s choice is echoed in the BGM. The Sealed Vessel piece goes soft and sad, with Ghost’s associated viola leading the bass strings in the Unbearable Vesselness of Being leitmotif. At 2:51 the violin comes in with Hollow’s leitmotif, and gradually the choir appears in the backdrop. The ensemble’s overall dynamics build in a slow crescendo, and at the very end of this segment the other instruments begin to join in.

This segment of the piece is also used in phase 4, which occurs if you don't have Hornet’s help or miss your cue to Dream Nail Hollow. Phase 3 ends when Hollow reaches 0 HP; in phase 4 they are for all purposes already dead. But Radiance manifests an extra 250 HP out of terrified, unadulterated FUCK YOU FUCK THIS!!! even though all she can do is get Hollow to fall on their face trying to slash and ragdoll them around. The BGM continues to play as Ghost absorbs Radiance from Hollow and Hollow’s body loses its shape and dissolves into liquid Void.

And there’s one other place in gameplay Sealed Vessel (Unbearable Vesselness of Being) is used: The Path of Pain, the completely evil kaizo-level obstacle course which presumably featured in Hollow’s childhood training, and behind which the Pale King has hidden his last and most terrible secret—that he had realized on some level that Hollow was a kid with feelings who loved him and wanted to make him proud, and condemned them to death despite it all by using them to imprison and torture Radiance as he’d always planned.

The OST version of Sealed Vessel includes the music for both normal ending cinematics, so we’ll be looking at them too.

4:05 - 4:35: ENDINGS 1/2: NO ONE IS HAPPY WITH THIS

In the BGM for The Hollow Knight and Sealed Siblings endings, the Vessel leitmotif is played by violin, viola, and choir while the cellos and contrabasses—and then the brass bass section too—play a slower version of Radiance’s downward spiral. But once Ghost is pierced by the Black Egg’s chains and Radiance’s struggle to free herself ends in failure, the soprano and bass sections harmonize. The animation zooms out of the temple and the seal reforms. They are stuck together now until the end of Ghost’s life. Hooray.

The OST version of the track immediately segues into the BGM for Dream No More.

4:36 - 5:45: ENDING 3: THANKS, I HATE IT

Here, Hornet’s associated instrument, the violin, plays one long sustained note with a few notes of Ghost’s piano alongside as she wakes up.

TPK’s goddamn flute comes in at 5:00 with his leitmotif overpowering the backdrop Vessel leitmotif on piano while Hornet surveys the carnage: The temple has been destroyed, Radiance is dead, and what’s left of Ghost’s corpse is smeared across the floor. The Void may have taken umbrage with his horseshit and unceremoniously vored him, but the motherfucker still got what he wanted in the end; the Pale King has ended the Infection by completing his genocide of the moths, using the children he abused and abandoned as his proxies, and wasting two of their lives. Can I get a hearty THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in the chat.

Given that Hornet herself is canonically unsure if bringing the fight to Radiance is really a just course of action, one can only imagine how she must feel when she sees the cost of that decision.

Our only real moment of catharsis is in this shit situation comes in at 5:13, where the flute gives way to a solo from Ghost’s associated viola, playing the Vessel leitmotif as the Siblings curl up and sink back into the mountain of their corpses. Goodnight, kiddos. You deserved better, and so did literally everyone involved in this whole stupid boss fight.

This is where the OST version of Sealed Vessel ends. Even without the gameplay and story context it slaps, but now that we’ve taken a look at how this 5:45 piece is wall to wall misery and fear on the part of literally every involved character, hopefully it will have even more impact!

#hollow knight #sealed vessel #the hollow knight #the radiance #hk radiance #ghost hollow knight #hk ghost #hornet hollow knight #hk hornet #essay #hollow knight meta

[goffilolo]

Revival of Midoriya Izuku: Chapter 4 "My depression may be chronic, but my ass is iconic"

I bet you didn't think you were ever gonna see an update. well neither did I. What can I say? writing with a broken hand is a struggle.

Link to the fic on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16929483/chapters/81090403

Izuku’s first day of high school was interesting, to say the least, or it would’ve been if he actually went to school instead of spreading mayhem amongst UA’s first years. Shinjuku Metropolitan has been rather lenient in regards to his attendance or lack of thereof, thanks to whatever bullshit Shin wrote to the school on his behalf to ensure that the faculty would accommodate his ‘condition’. Which is just fancy wording for ‘I got a get out of school card’. Truth be told, this is probably the best thing that the doctor has ever done for him since Izuku was nowhere near ready to return to mainstream education, not after everything that has happened in middle school. The last thing he needed were looks of pity and guilt-induced niceties from people who otherwise had no problem laughing at his misfortune.

So instead Izuku has decided to spend his time productively - if you could count tormenting your ex-childhood friend and having an accidental family reunion as such.

Uncle Shouta always had a bit of a mean streak to him, although it never really felt as such when Izuku himself interacted with him. From what little of his childhood he could remember that didn’t involve trauma and discrimination, his uncle was a somewhat kind, but grumpy man. He believed in a brand of tough love - that somehow did not correspond with the way his mother raised him in the slightest and went above and beyond for things and people he held close to his heart. Sure they haven’t seen each other since Izuku was 4, but if his uncle’s empty threats from today’s Quirk Apprehension Test are anything to go by, not much has changed.

Which brings him back to now; sitting in an empty classroom that he does not belong to - a school that he does not belong to, writing down his ever-so-detailed notes about the quirks he will only be able to admire from afar. Not much has changed , indeed.

It almost feels like a betrayal. Almost , being the operative word, because he has no reason to cling onto the things that he no longer cares about - should no longer care about, for they had died along with him that day on the roof, and were properly buried within the four walls that Izuku called his own during his stay in the hospital.

But well...looks like today Izuku is in a mood to dig up old corpses.

Metaphorically, that is.

“God, you’re still here!”

“Kacchan we’ve talked about this” he replied, rather dramatically “God is dead and all that’s left is me”

Kacchan clearly did not appreciate his superior sense of humour, if the lack of response is anything to go by. “No seriously, why are you still here?”

“I could ask you the same”

“I actually study here you fuckwit!” the blond exclaimed in his ever explosive fashion “Besides I had to come back and get my change of clothes since that demonic pet of yours was sitting on them when we were all leaving for the test”

“Huh, that actually reminds me...where’s Bandit?”

“Oi, don’t change the subject you shitty Deku” replied Bakugou, as he kicked one of the chairs over towards the desk that was currently occupied by Izuku and slumped down in it in a way that would perhaps appear as non-caring to absolutely no one “I didn’t know your uncle was a pro-hero.”

Ah, so that’s what he was bothered about.

“That makes the two of us”

“Wait, really?!”

“Honestly Kacchan! Did you really think that IF I knew my uncle was a pro-hero that I would be able to ever shut up about it?”

“No way in hell!”

“Exactly!”

Well, now that the topic of his uncle has been cleared up, there wasn’t much else to talk about, at least not much that wouldn’t result in collateral damage or a Bakugou shitshow 2.0. Both of the boys were well aware of it of course, but let it never be said that either of them could be stopped by things like common sense, especially when it came to avoiding conversational land mines.

“So...what are you scribbling over here?” asked Bakugou in a rather poor and possibly the most awkward attempt at establishing small talk that has ever been known to man and sheep kind alike.

“Ok, no! That is not happening” snapped Izuku, who very much saw where this was going and was having none of it “We are NOT having a civil conversation!”

“Why the fuck not?!” replied the blond, his anger as booming and apparent as his quirk.

“Because that is not something we DO Kacchan!” shouted the teen, banging his hands against the desk, his notebook long forgotten.

“Well, maybe we should?!” exclaimed Bakugou, who was quick to anger, yet quicker to notice his ex-friend’s unusual mood as he tried to make an effort to de-escalate the situation.

“Oh? Should we really? !” sneered Izuku, feeling the kind of anger and disdain he hasn’t felt in a long time, not since that fateful day in the ward.

“That’s rich coming from you” he continued as he stood up form the chair, unable to keep still in his fury as he circled the classroom “All you ever did was shout at me, insult me and throw baseless accusations at me left and right for god knows how long, but suddenly YOU want to have a conversation with me? Isn’t it enough that we kinda talked about our feelings that one time when I was still stuck in the psych ward?!”

Honestly, what do you expect Kacchan?” asked Izuku, feeling raw and hysteric and all kinds of wrong, spilling his metaphorical guts to his ex-bully/friend “That we will just start having normal conversations like nothing ever happened, act like we’re friends or some shit? Because let’s be honest, we haven’t been friends for a very long time, that ship has sunk long before I even attempted suicide! ”

“Don’t you think I know that?!” screamed Bakugou, feeling equally angry, but mostly out of his depth in the situation. He expected Deku to possibly mock him for his awkward attempts at small talk. What the blond didn’t expect was for him to snap, in a way that was somewhat familiar but not quite, as even the few times they’ve spoken back when Izuku was in the hospital or when he got released, his tempter felt controlled in a way it was not at the moment. Katsuki wasn’t sure what exactly triggered such a strong response, but he was not looking forward to having another fight, at least not one initiated by him.

“I’m not trying to pretend it didn’t happen” he explained “I just want to move forward. I’m not the same asshole I was last year and neither are you, so I don’t want to be stuck on how things used to be ! It makes me feel like I’m going nowhere.”

“Ok! Fine! You wanna talk?! Then let me fuckin TELL you something! You asked me what I was ‘scribbling’ over here?” exclaims Izuku, as he stomps his way back towards the desk and snatches his notebook, waving it aggressively in front of Bakugou “IT’S THE SAME STUFF I’VE BEEN SCRIBBLING THE ENTIRE GODDAMN TIME!” he screamed “Those quirk analysis notebooks you used to mock me for? It’s another one of those because as it turns out  I still AM the same asshole I was last year! Now then, can YOU tell ME how many of those I’ve had?”

“Thirteen…” mutters Bakugou, feeling like he’s walking into a proverbial trap.

“Good boy, you can count! Now, can you tell me what number does it say on this one?” sneers Izuku sarcastically as he points once again at the notebook in question.

“Is this a trick question? There’s fuckin nothing on it”

“EXACTLY! And you want to know why?” screamed the distressed teen, no longer feeling angry, but tired and vulnerable, unable to stop himself from having a conversation he didn’t even want to be a part of “Because these notes used to serve a purpose, a purpose I no longer have. Hero Analysis for the Future , to be exact. But guess what Kacchan…” he whispered, no longer looking at the red eyes that used to bring him so much pain “...I no longer have a future…”

The blond hung his head in shame as he listened to his childhood friend break down in tears while hiding his face behind the very notebook that started their argument, all the while Trash Bandit who woke up due to their screaming was trying to get his owner’s attention with pathetically quiet ‘baaah’s.

“You have the right to be angry with me, after all this shit I put you through” stated Bakugou after what felt like an endless silence broken only by Izuku’s stuttering sobs. He never thought of himself as a coward, but at this moment he could not find enough bravery to sit face to face with the crying teen.

“I KNOW that you shithead-” replied Izuku as he shakily tried to take a breath in between the sobs “-but what good is that gonna do?! You’ve actually admitted that the way you treated me was wrong, hell you even voluntarily went to therapy! You’re basically going through a whole-ass redemption arc and what do I do? * sob * I’m still stuck in the past and I can’t let go of my grudges, which isn’t doing me or you any favours. I’ve told you to get your shit together, and this is exactly what you’re trying to do and instead of being h-* hic *- happy for you I’m mad-”

His rant broke off as he took another breath with tears still rolling down the freckled cheeks despite the boy’s best efforts. Izuku slumped down in his seat and with shaking hands he took out a cigarette and lighter from his backpack that was still hanging by the hook on the side of the desk. And although putting the cigarette in his mouth was relatively easy, lighting it was another matter. As Izuku grew more frustrated with the quiver in his hands, so did Bakugou. The blond became impatient as he grumbled “give it here damn it” much more quietly and gently than he normally would’ve done as he leaned forward, all the while grabbing the other teen by his shoulder with one hand, as he used to the other to quickly light the cigarette with a small explosion. Izuku’s flinch at the sudden but familiar noise and heat did not go unnoticed.

To say that Izuku was shocked by his ex-friend’s action would’ve been an understatement, but he was pleased nonetheless. If anything it proved his point that Kacchan was trying to be nicer to him, even if the attempts were somewhat awkward. The freckled teen, feeling only marginally better, leaned back in his chair facing the ceiling as he continued to blow circles of smoke up into the air, trying to regain his original train of thought.

“You’d think they would have a fire alarm in here or something” mused Bakugou as he stared at the disappearing circles.

“Hmm” replied Izuku, absentmindedly “You’d think”

The silence has once again stretched between the 2 boys, although this time it felt less oppressive in its need to be filled. Bakugou was happy to wait for Deku to finish what he started, it was the least the blond could do seeing as he was at fault for the current state of things between them.

“I’m so fuckin angry...” stated Izuku as he crashed the burnt out cigarette against the desk, which Bakugou conviniently ignored seeing as the desk was his. “I’m so fuckin angry-” he repeated despite his tone and words not matching at all “-because this proves that you could’ve gotten your shit together this whole time” he continues while gesturing vaguely between the two of them.

“You could’ve stopped this bullshit and apologised to me!” exclaims Izuku in a tone that is half resigned and half accusing “You could’ve spared me the misery, and yet you didn’t. I feel like I’ve suffered for nothing-”

“You did!” interrupted the blond.

“What?”

“You’ve suffered for nothing” clarified Bakugou “There’s literally NO good reason for you to have gone through even half the shit you did”

“I dunno about that Kacchan” teased Izuku “I’m pretty sure the reason is sitting right in front of me”

“I said no good reason damn it, don’t go around twisting my words you fuckin Deku!”

And Izuku couldn’t help but break out in laughter, because he was pretty sure that this was the first time ever that Bakugou had made a joke at his own expense and this moment was going to live in his brain rent free from now on.

“Oh God, Kacchan-” he wheezed, trying to stop himself from laughing “You were right, you really aren't the same asshole that you were last year!”

“I sure fuckin hope not” replied Bakgou who was just as close to laughing “Otherwise I would’ve had to demand refund for all of those shitty therapy sessions”

“Look at us Kacchan” said Izuku, his laugh now subdued “We’re still a fuckin mess”

“I guess we are” agreed the blond as he stared down at his friend’s notebook in a thoughtful expression.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

After the truthfully embarrassing heart-to-heart with Kacchan, Izuku wanted to do nothing more than sink into the void for the next eternity, or at least until he gets his reminder text that he’s running late for yet another therapy session. Unfortunately neither of these options were viable seeing as he was on a self-appointed mission to catch up to his uncle. The boy hoped that uncle Shouta would still be somewhere on the premises seeing as his ugly-ass sleeping bag was still in the classroom. Izuku used that to his advantage as he gave the sleeping bag to Bandit who promptly sniffed it and began to follow the scent of a premature-midlife-crisis. Who knew that sheep could make such good hounds?

Bandit had dutifully led their owner through an ever inconvenient maze of corridors, which eventually ended with the two entering the teacher’s lounge like they had every right to be there (which they kinda did, shoutout to Nedzu!). As expected, Izuku’s uncle was in the lounge, surrounded by fellow members of staff as they tried (unsuccessfully, at least by Izuku’s standards) to get any information out of him regarding his class this year. Uncle Shouta for the most part looked like he’d rather be doing anything else and so Izuku has made an executive decision to insert himself obnoxiously into the situation.

“In my humble opinion-” he said, as he sat down next to his uncle, while Bandit jumped up on his lap “that Mineta kid should’ve been expelled. Like, we get it uncle, he has potential ” continued Izuku, as he spat the word distastefully “But how far is that potential gonna get him when all he does is harass the entire female population, like every other mediocre straight guy with self awareness of a sea cucumber?”

“A sea cucumber? Really?” asked uncle Shouta, sounding like the unimpressed bitch that he is.

“I mean don’t get me wrong” he continues, completely ignoring the unnecessary commentary “Straight people are already embarrassing as they are, but this guy is on another level, the kinda level that usually leads to a straight jacket, am I right?! Hah- I just made a pun!”

“The little listener does have a point, Shouta” replied Present Mic.

“Also, did he just say uncle ? Shouta, is there anything you’d like to tell us?” asked Midnight, you know, like a traitor.

“No”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

It wasn’t until they walked past the gates of the school that his uncle finally stopped in his tracks to voice at least a portion of the questions that have been bubbling in his mind since the impromptu family reunion with his nephew.

“Izuku” says Shouta, with as much concern as an uncle-who-you-haven’t-seen-in-almost-a-decade is allowed to voice “What the fuck?”

“Look, I heard that question far too often in my lifetime, mostly from my therapist, so you’re gonna have to be a bit more specific” replies Izuku sounding like the unimpressed bitch that he hopes to evolve into through the sheer power of genetics and generational trauma.

“Look kid-” says the hobo looking man that has the privilege of being related to Izuku as he puts his hands together, takes a deep breath and prays to whichever God he believes is not yet dead for some guidance on how to handle this “-as much as I’d love to elaborate on the sheer amount of confusion I am experiencing right now due to your questionable way of life, I do actually have to go on a patrol so this conversation is gonna have to be postponed. In the meanwhile give your mother my regards, and I’ll hopefully see you in the near future when you decide once again to wreak havoc in my classroom.”

“No” replies the freckled teen in a total disregard for other people’s prior engagements, thus truly earning his title of a problem child.

“What do you mean no ? Izuku, I have a job to do!”

Instead of replying, Izuku has decided to simply pull a pro-gamer move, by quickly taking out a familiar pair of handcuffs from the side pocket of his backpack, cuffing one side to his uncle’s hand and the other to his own. That on its own is probably not particularly impressive, however it is the speed of the action that has earned it the title of a pro-gamer move, which Izuku is quite proud of. His uncle on the other hand is definitely less so, looking at his cuffed wrist like it has somewhat betrayed him.

“Please tell me you did not just do that”

“I did not just do that”

After wasting about 10 minutes of his life on fruitless struggle of trying to get the handcuffs off like an untrained dog trying to chew off its own leash, Aizawa Shouta; the underground hero Eraserhead, the infamous Erasure Hero has slumped in defeat, internally swearing to himself to one day get revenge on his unruly nephew.

“God, I am so going to have a talk with my sister about this” he says, as if a threat of authority had any meaning to the green headed teen.

“Yeah, no shit, that’s the whole point, we’re going to my house now” replies the teen, completely disregarding any attempt at ‘ an adult asserting their authority ’ over him.

“I still have to go on a patrol tonight” repeats Shouta, as if it was somewhat relevant.

“That sounds like a you problem”

#demise!au #bnha #revival of midoriya izuku #fanfic

[corvixa]

I am alive! Long, rambly post ahead.

So. I did a thing. After 2 or 3 years on a waiting list of therapy, I got it. Good right? Ahuh...

A weekly appointment at 10.30 am is apparently my kryptonite.

It was fine at first, but I got utterly sidelined with the cumulative effect and the fact I wasn't able to reset my energy. But, I was determined like, I'd breakthrough.

Uh. That did not happen. All I could do was attend that appointment. For the first time since I started writing again post house explosion, I couldn't even write. I managed to not some ideas down. Carry on a few plots in my head. Still, even with my insomnia, I was stuck with my facemask on, desperately trying to get enough energy to eat, and occasionally failing even that.

After I had to take a break for a few weeks running for dental appointments and Covid Vaccines, I gained enough energy back to do that look around and reflect thing.

Hell, I might not have been perfect before this, but I enjoyed things. I chatted with friends. I lurked in the Stark Tower discord plotting new ideas. I got to write. I got to do real-world hobbies. I got to spend time awake with my partners!

So, after my vaccine and several days with a very high fever, I kind of decided. Fuck it. This isn't worth it. I have clawed my little part of this world out, and I am not going to lose it.

Sometimes you have to weigh up the cost-benefit analysis. What good may come from these 16 appointments was utterly stopper by the bomb dropped on my life. So I came out of my fever cave of blankets, had an incredibly hot bath and decided this wasn't working.

The early appointment alone was killing me; I am crepuscular by nature. Not being sarcastic there; this is how I have dealt with severe levels of insomnia since age 12. I tried being an average human that wakes up in the morning and goes to bed at night for decades, and it didn't work. I am most active after 11 pm, and I nap during the day. It's not a perfect fix; if it were, the Gold series would literally not exist as that is my Insomnia in a cape. However, sleeping at least once in a 24 hour period nearly every day is THE WIN. Being not awake at 10.30 am, but already at an appointment, where I was expected to be coherent? Weekly? With no variable illnesses? Even the stint in hospital I had was around me making these appointments... Not getting better from fall.

Honestly, I have no idea what past me was thinking, but after they went to 2 or 3 appointments and didn't feel too bad, they committed hard to this course of action. That was a mistake that I thought I had learned a long time ago, that assessing the work-life balance is critical. This might not be work, but it was the same thing.

So, How am I doing? Better. Not aces, but the Covid fever of doom made me miss last weeks appointment. The week before, it was the Covid.2 Jab and today I had the dentist.

And this morning, before my dental appointment, I started writing. My partners were over the moon. I am not back on full capacitor yet, but I am clawing my way back. Heck, I felt alive enough to prat about in the garden as my partner wanted to take a few pics of me given my pairing of BRIGHT TOXIC GREEN tights and lace trousers. I realised I hadn't set foot in the garden since this therapy thing started. My dog, Loki, was bouncing around like a loon bringing me every stashed ball he could find.

If anything gives you clarity, it's the excitement of a collie confronted with man balls, your partner's joy at you starting something you love again and actually feeling like a human being.

Ness is calling the therapy people when she gets the social confidence points required to deal with bombing me out of this whilst being my stalwart wall, so I don't get bullied onto the phone (hello, Hemiplegic Migraine) or guilted back into just trying a few more sessions.

It's not like my therapist was bad. He was cool. He dealt with this ADHD, Autistic, Severe Insomniac, Asexual weirdo and never once questioned any of these identifiers. I just don't have the energy to do anything back to back, week after week, at 10.30 am—even fun things.

So, I am probably going to sleep a lot. I am not back to my previous form yet; my Hubs is saying I made it out of the cave, but I still have Palladium Poisoning because apparently, I have infected his brain to think of things in Iron Man metaphors.

This is a bit all over, but I felt like I wanted to get it down. Especially for anyone worried about my sudden absence.

TLDR, the road to hell is lined with good intentions; sometimes the good thing becomes the bad thing, sometimes you lose yourself trying to do things the right way, and everything ends up wrong. Sometimes the right thing is the thing people see as wrong. All I know is that I wrote something for the first time this morning because of insomnia, and I couldn't be happier. My mind is starting to pick up speed again, this dense dog of confusion, exhaustion and pain is clearing, and I have goals.

Which I think is what really matters, right?

Oh, side note, some things did get done whilst I was busy being a zombie. After nearly 3 decades of waiting, at 33 (yeah, I've wanted to change my name a long ass time.) I got my name changed! So I can sign this off in a way that makes me smile. I dropped my old first name, and took my first middle name as my new forname. (I was, and still am, one of those ginormous name people.) I also went back in history and timestoned my surname. (So, I was named utterly after my dad. Literally, I have the female version of his name >.< but I wanted to keep that connection to my genealogy whilst not having my dads name.) Boom.

Enjoy the earlier mentioned pictures of me pratting about in the garden. I am a photographer. I do not know how to pose. What you are seeing is sarcasm 😅. (If you want to know where the fabulous tights came from, Google Snag Tights. They are truly a miracle and a gift from the Gods. They have actual sizes and don't tear after one wear, even if you are more leg than human. So you stretch and destroy tights by walking.)

- Morgan / M-Mac-C

#easily excitable autistic woman #i am so tired #therapy #life kicked my ass #sleeping all the time is lonely as feck #name change #MMacC is the new me

[danteinthedevildom]

Ngl I’ve been thinkin over the brother’s fears stuff from the most recent (?) lessons (bc I’m a dirty cheat and saw spoilers so ofc I went and looked up as much shit as I could) and like,

Ok shovin thots under the cut bc it got long oop. Also bc spoilers but y’know.

1 - Lucifer thinkin the “light” (which is ofc God lbr) was his fear despite not fearin it at all is p. weird. Like there was no hesitation, no fear. He just looked at it and went “ew it’s you never thot I’d see you again” and killed it. So clearly that’s NOT his actual fear. Def. Simeon’s I think, like he says a lil later.

So either Lucifer knew it was Simeon’s and “claimed” it to save Simeon’s feelins or smthn or he legit figured it was his fear bc the only thing he could think to be scared of is the guy who threw him out. 

Which like. Is such a fuckin non-answer re: his actual fear (tho he did say once goin back to the Celestial Realm was his “greatest fear” or smthn so maybe that’s still true so they didn’t figure that bringin it up again’d be that fun), but is interestin bc it says a lot abt how he sees God. 

Like. He got beat and kicked out and had his sister (almost) killed, but he’s still got 0 goddamn fear of his dad. Literal creator of everything God with a capital G don’t scare him. I figure bc he already did the worst thing he could’a done, and he survived that, so what else’s there to fear?

Tho it bein Simeon’s fear is... hm. Def. makes it sound like Simeon’s fearin seein God again. Either bc that’s just smthn any angel’d fear - maybe they only see God one-on-one if they’ve done smthn wrong so that’d be like seein your headteacher pop up outta nowhere, knowin he only comes outta the teacher’s room when you done fucked up - or bc he’s hidin smthn that makes seein God a really Bad Thing. Guilt or worries over some kinda sin? 

I mean duh. He’s in love with MC. That ain’t a hidden thing anymore. He’s kissed MC plenty times and I think even said the L-word once or twice. That’s def. grounds to get murderised (as we know, RIP Lilith). 

Also hella interestin in a metaphorical sense tho. Like, God’s a light. Simeon’s scared of somethin comin to light. Da-dum-tss, but what a hella cool way of showin that it’s a (technical) secret that’s got him all wound up.

2 - Mammon and Levi both fearin demon-form Lucifer is... understandable, but also kinda sad. Like, legit sad, not “wow ur so sad lol”. 

Levi’s way of sayin it makes sense tho. Lucifer only goes full demon form when he’s hella pissed, or outta control. He’s so damn powerful he don’t need to go into that form often, bc he can handle p. much anythin without it - plus he’s just got a p. good control on himself, so no accidental demon-form slips.

Unless ofc he’s so fuckin angry that it just leaps out. We’ve seen it. He gets murderous, and boom - form’s out. Or, situation’s so damn dire it’s got him on edge, and boom - form’s out. Him bein in demon form’s never good.

But him bein in demon form and after them is even worse.

Makes me wonder tho. If it’d just been angry Lucifer, why’d Levi specify it as his demon form’s anger? He gets angry at them hella often, and Mams esp. is strung up p. much daily, so clearly they’re not scared of him bein angry at them. 

It’s him bein angry at them while enraged. So either they’ve both pissed him off before bad enough that he’s gone full demon form, and whatever happened then was so fuckin terrifyin they’ve never recovered from it, 

Or they know that demon form Lucifer is scary shit, and even tho he’s not gone for them like that before, it’s smthn they’re terrified of in principle. Like, you’ve seen your dad mad on the phone before, and he’s never yelled at you like that, but you know he’s capable of it and that’s terrifyin as shit bc what if you do smthn that pisses him off enough to yell at you like that?

A lil part of me leans towards the latter bc tho they were scared it wasn’t smthn Levi said as tho it’d happened. More like smthn he’s hypothetically scared of. Plus idk what times Lucifer’d be so pissed he goes full rage at them? His demon form’s only really come out when the family’s in danger. Even shit like Lotan bein summoned don’t usually end in a demon form Lucifer (I’m p. sure anyway).

3 - Ok so like who was surprised by this. Asmo’s beauty is p. integral to who he is. He’s nothin if he’s not beautiful, and that’s what I think scares him. Not the bein ugly, but that bein ugly means he’s not Asmo.

Means he can’t get the attention he needs, can’t be loved by ppl, won’t get all the adoration and affection - he won’t be popular. And Asmo hella needs to be reassured that he’s pretty and loved. It’s who he is and what his identity is based on. 

Plus we’ve seen I’m p. sure a couple scenes where he’s been a lil worried/nervous abt if MC likes him for him. Beyond the beauty. He legit don’t think there’s anythin worth lovin if he’s not pretty, so ofc him bein ugly’s gonna be his biggest fear. Bc who’s gonna love him then. 

4 - Also smthn no-one’s gonna be surprised by. It’s his whole sense of identity. That’s not gonna go away for him overnight, y’know? The fact that it was angel Lucifer, tho - not just, like, normal Lucifer - was a p. cool touch.

That’s his roots. Not Lucifer the demon - Lucifer the angel. That’s what he’s based on. Smthn he never was but was always part of. 

He’s legit just the Lil Hal-Dirk connundrum which jfc that’s showin my fandoms huh. Is smthn that comes from smthn else its own unique person, or is it just a copy that’s always gonna get drawn back to what it was? How can it be original when everythin it is came from smthn else? 

That’s a hell of an identity crisis. Even bein Wrath and bein p. physically different and even likin different shit’s not enough to stop that feelin of ig imposter syndrome? Or of just bein a fragment of smthn else. Esp. when you know everyone else’s their own damn being. No one can understand where he’s comin from bc his “birth” was totally unique. He’s not just, like, Lucifer’s son or whatever - he’s legit a part of Lucifer’s emotions that just got plopped out one day. 

(Except ofc he’s not bc Lucifer knew he was different and felt him like a different presence for a while before the Fall but Satan’s got his memories and that’s kinda like bein someone anyway, ain’t it?)

So yeah, not surprisin, but also? I rlly hope he gets confident in who he is one day. Legit the idea that he’s still sittin there goin “who am I?” just hurts. 

5 - This bitch got trauma. Lbr it was either gonna be Belphie or it was gonna be Lilith and we all knew that was comin. Beel’s still not over the death of Lilith and his “role” in it (bc survivor’s guilt is a bitch and he’s still thinkin “not being able to save two ppl in two different places at the same time” is a sin), so losin anyone else is gonna hurt him.

But bein the reason he lost them? Oh that’s gonna hurt him even more. Esp. with the blame he’s still puttin on himself. It’s one thing to be like the passive cause that someone died but bein the active cause? Even by accident? Poor Beel. 

I don’t think anythin could’a been worse for him. That ain’t just a fear, that’s outright smthn he’s still strugglin with PTSD over. Like hell no shit he almost/did break down over it, that’s just shovin a trigger right in his face. 

6 - Bein alone, bein abandoned, not bein able to find anyone in pure darkness. That’s... damn. Either that’s lingerin trauma from bein locked up in the attic, knowin that no one was gonna find him or could hear him (which, fuck, how much did he try’n call for his brothers to come get him only to realise no one was gonna come?), or smthn set up that fear before the attic and the attic just made it hells of worse.

Like that wasn’t just “bein in a room apart from ppl”, it was outright “not knowin where anyone is, or seein/hearin/feelin them”. Total sensory deprivation. 

Oh. His worst fear’s not feelin anythin. That’s. Y’all. 

Idk how to end this now I’m just big hurty thinkin abt the last two jfc. No wonder Belphie’s always wantin to be asleep next to smthn. “He sleeps better with someone there” no sir you just hella fear sleepin bc your sin’s legit exactly what you’re terrified of and havin smthn there’s the best way to fix it. 

#obey me #danteintherambles #idk what to tag this as I got distracted like half way through lmao #Writin out this instead of figurin out homeschoolin stuff y'all know how it is

[loxxxlay]

Can we get the rest of the ball destroying story?

This is a very long and probably anticlimactic story about how I destroyed an attorney's metaphorical balls by not letting him get away with being a toxic pile of shit. I hope you enjoy.

So, the first thing you need to know is that my old boss (whom I will call M) is a real fucking asshole. 1, he voted for trump; 2, he's a creep; 3, most obnoxiously, he treated his previous lead paralegal like a freaking wife.... or actually worse than a wife really... like an object. like a trophy wife. When the lead paralegal left, he basically treated her like she was divorcing him, as if she was an object of his possession. And he was like "you'll NEVER have it better than you have here, and i'll never let you come back." (Funny story: i am one of 5 paralegals there who put in their 2 week notice during June, and they were so panicked that they called this exact former lead paralegal and asked her to come back. -_-)

Okay so anyway, let's cut the story back to about 2 months ago. I have been M's lead paralegal for about 8 months now since the previous one left, and I'm hating it. I'm actively job hunting because M is becoming toxic to me the same way he was to the last paralegal. I needed references, so I asked another attorney who also worked there to be my reference. We will call him T. So T is my favorite attorney. T is the first person I came out to as having a girlfriend at the firm, and he never once betrayed me. He is everything that M is not. He gives positive feedback like he gives out candy, but he's also honest and real in a way that not a lot of ppl are.

So anyway I secretly ask him to be a reference on my resume, and T is like "sure! but well funnily enough, I'm actually leaving the firm in 2 weeks. I can't ethically recruit people while I'm here, so I'm going to end this conversation here, but.... wink wink, nudge nudge, call me in 2 weeks." So I'm like COOL COOL. And we don't speak of it again.

So 2 weeks pass, I continue job hunting, T leaves the firm. He calls me literally the next day, and he immediately is like "I wanna hire you" and I'm like "okay cool, I wanna be hired." So boom I got a new job. Ethically. (I'm serious though, T is a very ethical guy and he did nothing wrong.) So anyway, T is okay with me waiting until my NYU program in June is over, so my start date is July 1. 1 month from then. T also asks me very politely not to tell M where I'm going because it would sour their "friendship" (a.k.a. the attorney world in utah is a small world and he doesn't want M to get his feelings hurt). And I want to be clear, T did not pressure me at all - he asked for a favor, and I decided to do it for him, because I care about him, that's it. If at any point it became a burden for me, I would have changed my mind, and T would have understood.

So, I wait a week until I'm in New York to tell M i'm leaving him. I come up with a brilliant excuse for why I don't want to tell him where I'm going - "I have a few offers and I don't want to talk about it while I'm still deciding" (which wasn't even really a lie). So I call my boss and I tell him I'm putting in my two weeks. And he treats me like he always treats people - he interrogates me. Except this time, he's shocked and upset, so he SUPER interrogates me. It's super inappropriate questions like "why are you quitting???" and "is it because of money???" and "this is SUCH bad timing" - but it's frustrating because he's an attorney and he knows how to dress up these rude questions with politeness. In a way that if I call him out on it, I'll be the one who looks inappropriate. :( It sucked. But luckily I had spent 3 days researching how to approach this, and.... I gave him nothing. He was desperate for fuel to try to convince me to stay or guilt-trip me into working overtime, and I just didn't give him any because I was prepared, and also.... I'm good at this. My mom says I've been good at this since I was 3-years-old lol.

Anyway so unfortunately during the conversation, he asked the question "Where are you going?" and I immediately gave him my excuse. And I expected that to be done and over with. Idk why I thought it'd be that easy... He immediately started trying to guess where I was going. And at what point, he said "are you going to work for T????" and..... honestly guys... I panicked. I lied. I said, "uh, no." flat out lmao. Like, I was just so shocked that he was asking me in the first place. :( But weirdly, he believed me and that was that (or maybe he filed away the lie for later use as you'll see). I also want to make it clear here that I, at first, wasn't telling M where I was going because T had asked me to... but at this point, with how nosy and inappropriate M was asking, I didn't want to tell M anymore either. It wasn't for T that I was hiding it; it was for me. Like, no M, I don't want you to have any personal details. You're being 150% more of a creep than usual which is impressive considering.

Anyway so I never tell anyone where I'm going except 2 ppl whom I trust on my last day (and yes, one of them betrayed me, which kinda sucks D:). I told T that I had lied to M, and T was like "it's okay, if he finds out, I'll have ur back" and also... I told T I go by Echo instead of my legal name/dead name, so I'm fine with the lie because M will probably never find out anyway. and T was delighted and super supportive of my enby identity. ^_^ It's cute because he never called me by name, but now all of his texts and statements deliberately start out with my name as if to remind me that he supports it lol.

Anyway so flash forward to my new day at the job. It's going great. I love it there. And then I check my phone and I see this fucking text:

M: "I hear you work for T now. I wish you the best, but I specifically remember asking you if that's where you would be working, and you said no."

Like.... what the actual fuck? He never texts me, and also I've been gone from his firm for like a day.. max... have some chill, lmfao. like. At first, I was REALLY upset. Not in a "i feel bad for lying" kind of way. I couldn't care less about that. More in a "i feel like i'm being stalked, one of two close friends betrayed me, and also what the fuck, why are you texting me this??" #yikes. But then that night, I was talking to my dad about it. And I became super amused? Like. What is he going for here? What does he want me to say? What response does he hope that I'll give that will make him feel better? Does he want me to call him crying and begging for forgiveness and for my job back? Like? I genuinely sincerely want to know what the fuck he was expecting me to say. I want to understand what was going through his head lol.

And of course, because I am a passive aggressive bitch, I immediately catch on to the fact that he is Butthurt (shocking, I know). His feelings are hurt. An object of his, his very own lead paralegal, lied to him outright and he didn't see it coming! How dare she! He wants to make me feel hurt like he feels hurt, and he's a lawyer, he knows how to interrogate people and manipulate people and get them to suck his dick, idk. So he should be able to use those skills to make me feel bad for lying. He wants to one-up me. But see, what he didn't realize is that....

1, I don't feel guilty for lying to him... at all... like, it took me a couple hours to realize this, but the only negative emotion it made me feel was discomfort and fear. not guilt. the same way i feel when a strange man asks me for a hug, and i feel like refusing would look "rude." Like, there's nothing guilty about that. So yeah. His goal is to expose my guilt to make himself feel better, but... my guilt doesn't exist, so good luck

2, um, like I said earlier, I've been a passive aggressive bitch since the day I was born, unlike this bitch who had to go to college to learn how to do it, and not only that - I'm better at it than him. lmfao. His pride is gonna take a hit.

so I toy with the idea of ignoring him because I know that will really fuck him up and make him constantly think about it and check his texts to see if I've responded. But then T tells me that it's probably better to not burn a bridge because again.... super small world here.

So anyway lol, my response ends up being pretty simple but painstakingly constructed:

"Thank you! :) It wasn't an option at the time - it was a new development after you and I had already talked. I wish you the best as well."

The "Thank you! :)" to seem like I am utterly oblivious to the hidden accusation and passive aggressiveness. The middle sentence to be like "uh, are you really accusing me of lying right now?" and the last sentence, my favorite, to shut down the conversation forever. Now, if he responds, he already lost. Because there's no way to continue this conversation without exposing the fact that his "I wish you the best" was completely insincere. I've stripped away his ability to respond fake-politely (which is his modus operandi), and I've forced the last word on him.

Also, even better... (and no one has any way of proving this, least of all him, but) that statement (the "it wasn't an option at the time - it was a new development after you and i had already talked") is completely a lie on my part, and he knows it. T offered me the job the Monday after he left. There's no way he doesn't know that. So not only did I show obliviousness and not only did I shut the conversation down, I outright stonecold lied a second time. And there's no way for him to call me out on it. Like what could he even do? Send me a screenshot of my hire date? Send me a screenshot of an email I sent to a coworker? If he tries that, he's already lost again because like ... obviously super immature... it would be so easy to crush him with niceness like "Wow, I can tell this has really bothered you!" hahahhaha. Sadly he's smart enough not to do that, but it must be infuriating to know I'm lying and not be able to accuse me.

As an attorney whose literal job it is to catch & expose people lying, he literally watched me flat out lie to his face. Twice. And I didn't feel bad about it. And there was nothing he could do about it either time. He went to law school for this shit, and he still can't out-passive-aggressive me, the classic bitch.

Anyway so T apparently he showed his wife M's message, and she was like "oh my god what an asshole!!!" which I must admit was extremely validating!! And then he showed his wife my message, and she made a shocked face and said "wow she's good." And I always thought T was kinda just flattering me to be nice when he complimented my use of words in defusing angry clients and conveying info about a sensitive subject... but apparently his wife thinks so too, so I guess he's been more serious than I thought. I feel so.... complimented.... it's weird.... but I"m very happy and squeeing.

It's been like almost 24 hours and M has yet to respond to me, and if he does, he's already lost. I'll eviscerate him.

So like I know this story is probably disappointing and might not seem like I shanked his balls, but ... take my word for it because if u knew what a chaotic insecure pathetic mess he was and how he desperately claws for control by trying to intimidate and upset all of his employees (and pretty much always succeeds), then you'd understand that he's NEVER encountered something like this before. Someone literally just not giving a shit what he thinks about them. And from what I know of him, I promise you that this has certainly fucked him up for a good long while. And that makes me happy :')

#lox replies #tismannyv14

[tothedarkdarkseas]

I wonder why people don't think of a vampire 2doc au, with Stu being the vampire.

I mean, come on now... He's the pale, tall, strange acting one... And Murdoc would be basically throwing himself into those fangs.

If Stu really didn't want to bite anyone, but Murdoc begged for it, how long do you think Stu could stand his ground for?

It is interesting how the 2doc fandom in particular really went through an "AU boom" wherein the tag and AO3 were both full of different fans presenting different AU ideas; it's not surprising that supernatural elements were pretty popular, but it's interesting to note just how often it was indeed Stuart who was the creature despite Murdoc being, er, maybe more immediately ghoulish. I have some theories about certain trends/patterns of years past, but it's a lot less relevant now and probably not worth getting into, haha. (Meaning I just spent too long getting into it and had to backtrack on the rambling.)

Anyway, vampires are the main exception to this it seems! I can definitely see the groundwork for a good story in either direction. As Jamie's recent artwork shows there's definitely something fun and campy about Nosferatu-style vamp Murdoc, but let's be honest, Stu certainly pulls off the romantic vampire better, if that's your thing. It's not even that he's particularly good at it, he's frankly laughable and Murdoc would rip the piss if he wasn't so desperately attracted to his dumb brooding eternal-prettyboy schtick. Stu looking like something genuinely ethereal and harrowing in the night but then crumpling up on himself at daybreak and going "bloody fuckin' hell, ah, sorry, I've gotta-- I've got a thing, yeah, cheers" and muttering "fuck off, fuck off" to the sun as he stumbles away and seems to grow gaunter and older by the second. Actually, just Stu still having his horrible mockney accent as a vampire, very good.

That's a good question, how long could Stu stand on his principles against drinking blood when Murdoc is so beyond willing? This conundrum is actually fairly unique to each pairing, I don't think it's the same problem or plot point when the roles reverse. In the reverse scenario, Stu may be deeply conflicted and resentful but, whether he openly acknowledges this or not, may not ultimately dislike being a vampire; he may find elements that cater to his ego and latent belief that he deserves the best without working for it, but he never asked for that. I think no matter how he revels in the perks there would always be contention in Murdoc making that decision for him and "ruining" him, in a mirror to their existing car crash conflict. But in this scenario, Murdoc has absolutely no reservations against leaving his life behind, against undoing everything that Murdoc Niccals was, and even against being literally or metaphorically under Stuart; it is a win-win-win and I'd imagine he'll fight tooth and nail to make it happen. Stuart already has a stronger sense of morality than Murdoc, but his frequent failure to follow through on difficult undertakings like veganism and generally wishy-washy attitude toward adopting spiritualism or ethical causes when it best suits him and as long as it suits him is also a defining characteristic, IMO. I think Stu would actually feel a truly compounding sense of ethical obligation and guilt once he's been cornered and shamed about feeding after his first few months of unchecked bloodlust... but I also think he's typically weak-willed, has poor impulse control when he's upset, and tends to act first and overthink after. Hard to say how long this would go on, but much like our timeline I think Murdoc would probably have more success blending the carnal enticement of blood with the animal-brained trigger to attack and shut Murdoc up.

My main question, though... do the fangs come in around the giant gap where his front teeth would be, or do the fangs replace his missing front teeth? Like...

Sorry for this.

#long post #headcanon posts