#and it hits harder to home now because my grandma isn’t doing to well with her memory

[hausofmamadas]

| Always short to the gate |

⁂

Pairing: David Barrón & Enedina Arellano Félix

For my df, dear friend, and fellow writer @purplesong1028 - Candyhearts Exchange 2023

Word count: ≈ 7.8K

TWs: Canon-typical violence, descriptions of violence

✷Disclaimer - This is an AU version of Barron, to the point that mans is essentially my OC. So, for purposes of morality/sanity/all that is holy, we disregard Nmx - S3, ep8, Last Dance. For more details, refer -> here. On a similar note: if I have to say “not condoning/glorifying the real people” aka “I don’t sanction the real-life actions of drug cartels,” I implore thee, look where you are. You’re in the wrong place. Best take that elsewhere porque no hay bronca, for civility's sake, we will not be going there✷

Still, these were all things to wish for, not to have. What was left now? What if some things were better dreamt than done? David Barron is in love. He's in love and he does care who knows it. Particularly, if the brutal, savage cartel-boss brothers of the woman he loves, Enedina Arellano Felix, know it. But what’s he to do when he's taken by another powerful cartel leader, in retaliation for Dina's secret side-project moving coke across the Tijuana/San Ysidro border with fellow drug baroness, Isabella Bautista? In the face of a potentially more imminent death para su rayo de luna, can Dina afford to keep both him, and the business she built from the ground up, a secret?

⁂

So, this is it. I finally made it. Staring at the crowd, all the bigwigs laughing and clinking their champagne flutes, and now that I’m here, I can’t figure what all the fuss was about. Because in my whole damn life, I’ve never been to a party like this. Frankly, I’d sooner hit up a barbecue at Chato’s grandma’s trailer or a tailgate in Chicano Park, than show up willingly to a place like this.

The guest list is a family tree of Sinaloan-born narcos and an obnoxious who’s-who of Mexico City elites. Men come down from the ivory tower to grace all the thieves and plebes. Fat cats in pressed gray suits. Although, the champagne-glass pyramid is pretty cool. And somehow, this isn’t even as lavish as last year? At least according to Ramón. When we arrive, he explains that there was still all of well ... everything. But last year kicked off harder because Güero and Co rolled through with a life-size train and a tiger in a gilded cage. A fucking tiger.

“Pendejos only did it to kiss Miguel’s ass, que sean tan mamónes,” he growls, shooting a dead-eyed stare at Chapo across the lawn.

I laugh into the highball glass I’m sipping from. I don’t normally drink at events like this, and on the off chance I do, always a Corona with a lime ‘cause it reminds me of home. But thank you, no. I would not like to keep my tab open.

Except this time, the over-interested hostess practically forces a drink on me when we get there. No clue who she is either, except she must’ve been a high-roller herself or at least married to one, based on the obscene dress she’s wearing. Fuck if I know a thing about designer shit, but I can spot the difference between black-tie and fuck-you money. And I’m not in the habit of saying “no” to fuck-you money. Even if she is smiling and touching my shoulder too much.

My eyes wander, looking for Dina, brooding an invisible SOS into the night air, hoping she might swoop in and save me, but she’s nowhere in sight. Neither is Mín. I smack Ramón in the chest with the back of my hand. “Oye, dónde está tu hermana?” <'Hey, where is your sister?'>

He shakes his head.

The fuck did she go? The only reason I’m even at this glorified peacock-fest, and— oh wow, yeah, there are actual peacocks wandering around on the lawn by the lake. No tigers, but of course the night isn’t complete without some form of exploited wildlife. No, the only reason I’m here is because she asked me. Or rather, because of what came out when she asked me.

✺

Dina sat on Mín’s desk, legs dangled over the side, smoking a cigarette like always, and eyeing me slyly from across the room as I buttoned my shirt back up.

“Hasn’t anyone ever told you?” I asked, readjusting my collar.

“What?”

“That it’s rude to stare.”

She threw her head back, laughing.

“Yeah, they must’ve had some lesson at whatever charm school you probably went to.”

Her mouth dropped open in mock outrage, “Charm school? No me digas esas shingaderas, hombre. I wasn’t as poor as you but we didn’t have that kind of money.” <Charm school? Don't give me that bullshit, man. I wasn’t as poor as you but we didn’t have that kind of money.>

I clicked my tongue against the roof of my mouth, “Ah, tu lo sabes? Tienes razón. <Ah, you know what? You're right.> Because the working-class shit I’ve heard outta your mouth?” and shook my head. “They wouldn’t have let you in the building.”

She snapped her fingers. “Sí, David. Now he’s getting it.”

“Well, then that would explain it.”

“Explain what?”

“Why you don’t know it’s rude to stare at someone like that.”

Her voice shot up half an octave into the range of feigned innocence. “Like what?”

“Like they’re dessert.”

“Es solo porque eres tan dulce. <It's just because you're so sweet.> Maybe I just can’t get enough. Maybe I have no choice.”

I looked up at her, smiling wide, all love-struck-stupid ‘cause I couldn’t help myself. “‘Can’t get enough,’ like you didn’t just get a three course meal.”

She kicked her heels against the desk, then hopped off and strolled over. I made a face when she flicked her cigarette on the ground and stamped it out. “Your brother’s gonna hate that.”

“Ya lo sé, y no me importa ni una mierda.” <Oh, I know and I don't give a shit.>

“Oh, sí? Pues lo haría tampoco <Oh, yeah? Well, I wouldn't either> pero the second he sees it, he’ll think I did it.”

Voice dropping just above a whisper, she came closer, “If he does, he can take it up with me,” and slid her hands under my shirt. “It’s as much mine as it is his. Maybe more even.”

They felt cold through the thin, ribbed fabric of my undershirt, gliding around my waist, creeping around to brush my lower back with her fingertips. At first, I thought she was going for my pant pockets, until her thumb hooked around the handle of the gun in my waistband. It startled me in spite of myself.

She smirked, practically presenting it, barrel pointed up at the ceiling. “Sorry, were you gonna need this? Or can we remove the ‘fire’ hazard.”

Taking the gun and grumbling, “You know there’s a safety, right,” I leaned over and set it on the filing cabinet against the wall.

When I turned my attention back to her, she tightened her grip around my waist suddenly and backed me up against the door. She tried bracing with her other arm so I wouldn’t fall back too hard. It didn’t work. A second thud, my head smacking the door, followed the first of it slamming shut. Still, the though that counts, right? My pained smile complemented a look of amused pity on her face.

Laughing, she winced and mouthed, “Shit, sorry!”

“So, this is how you treat your employee—“ she cut me off with a few well-timed, remorseful kisses.

She pulled back breathlessly, grinning, almost electrified. “Yeah, why do you think I took your gun away?”

“Mmm, yeah, would’ve been a hazard.”

“That, yes. But mostly I didn’t want you to feel like you were on the clock,” she murmured against my mouth, “this isn’t meant to be company time,” then caught my lower lip gently with her teeth.

I sucked in a harsh breath, not a chance in hell of suppressing the feral rumble already escaping the back of my throat.

It might’ve been fine. I might’ve been able to tear myself away, because we’d already been there too long, nevermind it was never long enough.

Until her lashes brushed my cheek and I heard, “Ah, how I love to hear you, guapo.”

My heart bottomed out in my stomach. I got ahold of the collar of her jacket on both sides. Rocking her back, easy and gentle, I slid it slow off her shoulders. Goosebumps followed the path of my fingertips across her neck, collarbones, down the backs of her arms. The metal buttons clinked against the floor. A bell announcing another round.

And all of a sudden, I couldn’t get at her fast enough.

I swept my arm around her waist, hand sliding into the curve of the small of her back, the other palming the spot between her shoulder blades to flatten her against me. If I could just bring her close enough for us to melt together and into the wood grain of the door, the better to freebase the air she breathed, the smell of her hair, the blood rushing to her face.

How many nights had I spent awake, staring at the cracked plaster ceiling of my cell, dreaming of moments like this. I’d lost count a long time ago. And okay, maybe not exactly like this. The feeling. The wholeness to it. But not the details. Like I never could’ve predicted the boxy radio with the giant antenna that played from its sketchy spot on the window ledge, too close to the edge; day in and day out while we worked. Or the way the sun lit the dust in the air like the office was an attic in an old house that wasn’t ours. And Dina, all nimble fingers now, working my belt buckle. No way I could’ve dreamt her up. She was too complete for that.

Still, these were all things to wish for, not to have. What was left now? What if some things were better dreamt than done?

Suddenly self-aware, I wondered what it’d be like if just now, she could feel that inferno of memories at the tip of my tongue, burning through my lips to hers. If she could learn, inhaling every breath I took, things I’d share without saying a word. I wished she could. Maybe that’s why her kisses were so urgent now. Sharp, demanding, like she couldn’t get close enough. Like she’d occupy the exact same space if she could.

Don’t hide. Let me in. Anything. Tell me anything.

She was funny like that. Didn’t even know how far she’d gotten. So much further than most.

Lips still locked to mine like cross examining a witness, her hands grazed my jaw, my neck, practically mauling the collar of my shirt to get the buttons undone. I should’ve known not to bother earlier. This was the way it went with us. Part of the ritual, pretending we were done. Getting ready to leave, all raw nerves in the afterglow. Anxious awareness, never far behind not-near-enough satisfied. Because no matter how careful we were, there was a chance we’d be caught all the same. But we were never ready. Not really. So, we’d stall enough to justify starting up again. Living in each other as much as we could. Wringing out every last drop to bottle it up, a fail-safe supply for later. Another bump, another hit to tide us over. ‘Til next time. If we got one.

She’d only made it two buttons down when we both froze. A crashing sound, loud echoes of metallic clanging. Fuck. Someone on the main floor. We repelled to opposite sides of the room before we could think long enough to be disappointed.

I fixed my shirt, then grabbed Dina’s jacket from the floor and tossed it to her. “You said no one was supposed to be here till tonight?”

She caught it, draping it over one arm so she could get her cigarette holder out of one of the pockets. Trying her level best to look composed, she took one out and lit up. But I could see the tells; beads of sweat on her forehead; that too-quick rise and fall of her chest.

Eyes wide, she shrugged, at a loss. “They’re not. Pancho’s with Món at the racetrack. Apparently betting against some new horse Güero and Chapo brought up from Mazatlán. Mín’s taking Ruth to one of her appointments.”

I walked to the window and looked out onto the main floor. It was easy to make out a head of black hair bobbing just beyond the giant, industrial-sized forklift, partially blocking my view. My eyes followed it along the top of the forklift’s arm until Nestor came out from behind it, puttering around and practically strangled by a few long chains from one of the trucks. He swore, dropping them again. Poor guy. The links jittering against the cement floor filled the warehouse with what sounded like twisted, metallic laughter. Mocking him. Us.

“Who is it?” She asked it like she wasn’t looking out the same window.

Without a word, I turned and walked back toward the door. She followed, “Pinshe Nestor, este wey &lt;Nestor, this fuckin' guy>,” waving her hand dismissively at the window.

I couldn’t resist. “Mmm right? Fuck that guy. Yea, go yell at him, chew him out, tell him why you’re annoyed.”

She narrowed her eyes but in that way she did when she was stifling a smile. When she knew I was right.

“You know, it didn’t occur to me until this moment.” Sighing and cupping my chin gently, she turned my face from side-to-side to examine it. “But I think I just realized why you’re so quiet.”

My eyebrow shot up, not a clue where she was going with this.

“It’s this smart mouth of yours,” she mused, grazing my lip with her thumb, “gotten you into too much trouble.”

I brought her hand from my cheek to my lips and hummed into her palm, “Mm, mhmm,” before nibbling a few besitos across. “Funny coming from you, always trying to get me to talk. But only when you like what I have to say.”

“Ay chulito pues, I didn’t say I minded it,” she winked. “Just not when it’s used against me.”

“Mm yea, don’t play that way. I’m an equal opportunity offender.”

At that, she laughed, eyes closed, full-out, no doubt loud enough to be heard on the first floor. Remembering Nestor, I let her hand drop but held onto the tips of her fingers. I couldn’t be sure how long we stayed like that, twining and un-twining our fingers in silence; every once in a while pressing palms together; two kids in the sandbox, comparing to see whose were bigger. If we’d never stopped, I wouldn’t have cared a lick.

Something must’ve hit her though because her face fell. Serious. Troubled. Thoughts descended in real-time, only I couldn’t make out what they were.

Until she breathed out, “Oye.”

It wasn’t like her to retreat but when I looked up, she said nothing else. Just chewed ferociously on the inside of her cheek. I waited, eyes drifting back down to watch our fingers and knuckles, still rhythmically locking and unlocking.

Breaking the silence, she gave it another shot. “Miguel’s party is on Saturday.”

“Yeah.”

There it was again, another retreat. What the fuck was she gonna say that she was so nervous to say it?

“And?”

It came out soft like a secret. “Go with me?”

Huh. Whatever I thought she might say, it sure as shit wasn’t that. Not … asking me to the dance? Disbelief chipped away at my usual poker face and without thinking, I blurted, “What? Why?”

Zero-to-sixty in four seconds flat and now she was fuming.

“Why? What do you mean ‘why?’”

Senseless. I knew it then. Should’ve walked it back. Found a better way to ask. But still, it was the only thing that came out of my mouth and all too matter-of-fact.

“I mean like ... why.”

Her jaw cocked to one side. She looked like she wanted to slug me. Because despite the fact that I wasn’t family, had never even met Miguel, had no business being there, somehow it was the dumbest question in the world.

“There’s—” I fumbled for words, raking my hand up and down the back of my head. “I just— why would I be there? You don’t need security. He’s the main man. No doubt he’ll have his own.”

“Because.”

“Because,” I shot back flatly.

“Because.”

“Think your brother, my boss, is gonna need more than ‘because.’ Even from you.”

“You’d be surprised.” She cracked a smile.

That’s right. Stubborn. Impossible. And she knew it. Like a reflex or muscle memory, my face settled into that thousand yard stare, the one she and so many others felt the need to decode.

She conceded, “Because. Okay?” throwing her hands up and letting them fall. They smacked her hips on the way back down and the rest came out in practically one breath. “Because even though he’s a genius and he’s technically family, Miguel Ángel Félix Gallardo is the most insufferable man in all of Mexico. I can’t stand him and I can’t stand almost everyone else on that fucking guest list. Así qué quiero que estés allí porque ya todos los odio. Pero a ti te quiero. <So, maybe I want you there because I hate all of them. But I love you.>"

Wait, come again? She didn’t just— no, but she did.

Pero a ti te quiero.

“Oh.”

I turned around, fell against the door, pressing into it with my forehead, and didn’t say anything for a long time. Mind searching for an explanation: the timing, why now? What day was it? What date was it? What was different about now?

I’d woken up in the same bed in that cramped apartment just down the street from Parque Teniente, the first one I could find when I got to Tijuana months ago. Woken up the same damn person. As far as I knew, so had she. There was nothing especially extraordinary about today. If anything it was routine, sneaking into Mín’s office when we knew no one would be there, away from prying eyes: Alicia, Ruth, their mother, the gaggle of Arellano women who always seemed to be at the house. Away from Pancho, who’d made a habit of passing out, snoring until three in the afternoon, on the pull-out couch at my place.

In fact, the more I thought about it, the more it sank in how unremarkable the day was. Maybe something happened. Some earth-shattering event she hadn’t told me about yet, something that would explain the sentence that just left her lips and turned reality into something like the dimensions of a funhouse mirror.

Shit, how long had I been standing there with my head against the door? How long had she been waiting? No idea. Did it matter? Of course it did. This wasn’t something silence could solve. Or even put off. Not that there was anything to solve.

I turned back around to face her, half-wincing, anticipating her fury. A satisfied smirk had settled in the corners of her mouth. She wasn’t mad. Just leaned against the desk, puffing away, which was ... odd. I scanned her face for any indication, clenched jaw, flared nostrils, blazing brown eyes, some sign of impending apocalypse. But no, she looked serene. Smug even, tickled at how surprised I was. No, she wasn’t mad at all.

Oh.

And it hit me. I could see it so clearly now in the way she stood with her hip out and how she held her cigarette off to the side, wrist lax, nothing to worry about. Why she wasn’t mad. She knew there was nothing to worry about. This wasn’t a confession. No grade-school picking petals off flowers, ‘he loves me, he loves me not.’ She hadn’t said it in the hopes that in return, she’d hear the same. Because it was plain as day. Fucking obvious. Not a doubt in her mind.

It was funny too ‘cause that had been sealed away in a vault in some deep, dark corner of my mind, cordoned off by an electric fence, wrapped in several yards of barbed wire and caution tape. WARNING. POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS. I barely knew because I barely allowed myself to. That came easy as it always did. Or easier anyway than feeling and not knowing what to do, where to put it. So I barely knew. Maybe it was now that I only just realized it, in a fully-formed thought.

A ti te quiero también.

But it felt wrong, seemed to make the moment small somehow, if I were to say it out loud back to her. Forced for obligation, ceremony’s sake, and altogether pointless when she already knew.

So I just said, “Fine.”

Her eyes lit up, filled to the brim with, you really mean it?

“Yeah, fine, I’ll go.”

She beamed. My own personal sun.

“But you figure whatever fake reason to tell your brothers. I ain’t sayin’ shit.”

She squeezed my hand. Any tighter and it would’ve cut the circulation. Not quite the deliverance that launching at each other would’ve been, sweeping all the papers and supplies off of Mín’s desk, not giving a shit what broke as it hit the floor, buttons popping loose from my shirt and rolling on the ground as she tore it off, taking each other carnally hostage right there. But with Nestor still downstairs, it’d have to be enough.

✺

So here I am. And she’s missing in action.

A hand comes down on my shoulder. Ramón’s. “Mira nada más <Look what we have here>,” he chuckles pointing to Ms. Fuck-You-Money. “Esa chulita been eyeing you all night.”

I roll my eyes.

Món chokes out, laughing through a sip of champagne, “Ay qué duro, cabron. <Ey, tough fucker.> Good answer. Attention from a woman like that? That’ll get you killed, or worse.”

Lost, I shoot him a look of confusion.

“What’s the look for.”

“What’re you talking about?” I say shaking my head.

“Wait d— you don’t know who that is?”

I stare at him through half-lidded eyes.

He can barely contain his amusement and I could bust that Cheshire-cat smile wide open for it, the chistoso. See, ‘cause it’s something I’ll never understand but Ramón lives for shit like this. How many times I wished I felt the same or could at least access some similar well of couldn’t-give-a-fuck charisma that allowed the kid to cut loose, no matter where he went. Unless he was in one of his moods. Still, his glee is infectious if not foreign. So despite being miffed, I’m grateful he’s here.

“That’s— okay, that’s Miguel’s wife, Daniela.”

“Thought her name was like Marta? María? Something else?”

“Oh nooo, no, no, no.” Ramón jiggles his head back and forth. “That’s his first wife. This is his second.”

My eyebrows shoot up.

“Yeah, right?” Món shrugs. “Tío moves fast apparently. Upgraded to a new model already. Personally, I don’t get it. Should’ve stuck with the classic. And María,” he looks at me and whistles, “qué clásico.”

We both watch Miguel work a group of sleazy-looking politicians. I don’t need to be up close to imagine how badly they reek of too-expensive, tacky cologne, or how clammy their hands are, sweating because they’ve been mainlining too much sauce and blow. My eyes drift to Daniela who’s pointing around theatrically to the outdoor decor. Like her husband, she’s smooth-talking another group of guests.

That’s when it clicks. As she dances from a group of Senators, to a group of financial hacks, to a group of mid-level distributors, I can’t help but think how busy bees flit. Flower to flower, pollinating each one. Stroking the right egos, smiling, leaving a hand on a shoulder just long enough to make them think they might have a shot with the big man’s wife. From everything I’ve heard about Miguel, he might let them, for the right price. That fact fills me with equal measures of sadness and relief. Sad for her. Relief to know it’s a hustle, an award-winning performance. Though why she’s been wasting time on me, a friend of the Arellano family at best, low-level Arellano goon at worst, is anyone’s guess.

“Seems she’s like that with everyone.”

“Oh no, carnal. With you? That shit’s real. She knows you’re with us.” Ramón reaches for my face like he’s about to pinch my cheek. “Not some rich politician’s secret love child.”

“Ey, no mames, cabrón.” I swat it away with a smirk, so he knows we’re simpatico. “You and Pancho always fixin’ to get me in more trouble than I’m ever looking for.”

I think of Dina just then and how it’s possible for lies to lag like that sometimes. Feeling like truth ‘til the words are well outta your mouth.

As if anxiety’s summoned her to me, out of the corner of my eye, I catch Dina walking toward us. On her way over, she grabs a drink from a guy standing by the bar holding two champagne glasses, someone she mistakes for a waiter. Based on the beet red look on his face, he turns to be a guest. He flips out and at first, Dina looks ready to apologize and move on. No big deal.

It’s not until he starts pointing his finger in her face, “Qué verga, vieja? No soy un pinshe mesero <What the fuck, lady? I'm not a fuckin' waiter>,” that I glance at the ground to hide a smile. I know what’s coming but this poor bastard doesn’t. It’s always satisfying to watch Dina work, handling men who make mistakes like that. No doubt it’d be a scathing indictment but never done in the same way. Refreshing, that kind of variety. I always respected it.

She leans back, eyeing the guy up and down, then walks over, purposely slow, all the time in the world, to a real waiter holding a tray. Grabbing a new glass, she walks back and shoves it into the guy’s hand, taking extra care to make sure it spills on his jacket. Beads of sweat and outrage pour from him, as he looks down at his damp lapel in disgust.

She waves her index finger back and forth between them, “Listo, pues. Ya estamos? <Well, then. We good?>” and points at Ramón next to me. “Or shall I have my brother, Ramón—“ she waves, “Hi Món! Yeah, that one. The tall one over there. Shall I ask him to step in, help mediate the matter?”

Everyone’s eyes shoot straight to Món who, on cue, flashes a smile so diabolical, the devil himself would’ve tipped his hat in appreciation. Still fuming, the guy brushes the front of his jacket and straightens his collar but says nothing.

“Aye,” Dina punctuates with a dip of her head. “Eso es lo que pensaba. <Yeah, that's what I thought.>"

And that seems like the end of it until she a twenty out of her wallet in that impossibly tiny purse. “Ey, next party you go to, if you want to avoid being confused with the catering staff, maybe don’t wear a dinner jacket. It’s a nice house, sure. Not the fucking Met.”

The guy is mute, shocked as she slips the bill in his breast pocket and glides away. Even a few feet away, I can already see her rolling her eyes and giggling as she makes her way to us.

Ramón says, cackling, “I thought maybe you were going to ask for a bottle there, crack him over the head with it,” as she gives him a kiss on the cheek.

“No, no. We couldn’t embarrass our tío querido could we. Besides,” she gives a cavalier wave toward the guy, “Drastic measures like those are reserved for Chapo. Or Cochi.”

I look at the two of them standing with Güero on the other side of the DJ platform. They look like they’re enjoying themselves about as much as I am.

I make eye contact with Güero briefly before I feel another hand on my shoulder. Dina’s?

“What no hug for me?”

I catch her awkwardly with one arm, stiffening as she pulls me in too close and for too long.

“Woo,” Món hoots. ”Creo que Enedina ha tomado un poquito demasiado. <I think Enedina's had one too many.>"

She bats him in the arm. “Ay que no, if you’d had the conversation I just had with Mín, you’d be chugging this,” she knocks back the last few sips of champagne, then holds up the glass, “like water too.”

“Why? What happened?”

”Oh nothing, he just–“ she lets out a hefty sigh. “Just rolled over for Miguel like he always does.”

Before Món can ask anything else, Dina’s face lights up at someone behind him.

All drunk swagger, Pancho waltzes over, a drink in each hand, yelling, “Estos cabrooooones. I been looking all over for you.”

He sidles next to Ramón, who reaches for the other drink in his hand. He pulls back. “Qué shingadas? <What the fuck?> I didn’t bring this for you.”

Món pulls a face like Pancho just kicked over a sandcastle he spent hours building.

I hold my hands up in defeat, chuckling, “Ey I didn’t ask him to bring me anything. Knowing this pruno-king, I bet they’re both his.”

“Y esto? Esto es porque es mi compa. Él me conoce <And this? This is why he's my homie. He gets me>,” Pancho slurs, with a tipsy smile, eyes half shut.

“Qué pedo <What the hell>, is everyone drunk here besides me?” Món catches me smiling and rolls his eyes. “Tú no, rarito &lt;Not you, weirdo>. You don’t count.”

Glancing at the crowd around us, Pancho asks “Where’s Mín?” and stumbles back, nearly planting his ass on the lawn.

He grabs Món for support, who already looks startled as Dina shoves her empty glass at him. “Who cares? Yo quiero bailar,” she declares, grabbing my hand.

She yanks me with such force, I wonder if I look like one of those Loony Toons characters, a regular Beaky Buzzard swept offscreen by Bugs Bunny with a giant cane.

Behind us Pancho and Ramón are busting up laughing. “Panchito, I think she might be drunker than you are.”

Pancho holds up one of his drinks in salute. “Aaaaaayyy órale, mi brujita!”

My hand firmly in hers, Dina shimmies around the other couples on the dancefloor. When she finds a spot she deems satisfactory, she turns and snaps me towards her, gliding her hand up my right arm to my shoulder, and moving my left around her waist. I’m lost in static. My heart’s beating fast. Too fast, like a hummingbird caught all up in my chest and each beat of its wings jolts my rib cage, while it tries to jailbreak outta there.

And it’s not the proximity that’s got my blood up, really. It’s her. It’s rare to see Dina overflowing with this kind of reckless joy. So rare in fact, there’s a gravity to it, a pull magnified by irregularity, that makes it harder to resist. In tandem with the music, I’m goner, already falling into it. But what does any of it matter, when I know how she feels now. Just the same as me.

✺

We finish with a dip, and the blurry wall of lights and onlookers, among them the suspicious face of Mín, the curious face of Ramón, and the drunk glassy eyes of Pancho, become crystal clear again, as I bring Dina back up. The song changes and I let go, trying to put as much distance between us as possible. Making my way off the dancefloor, she follows close, reassuring in a low voice, “It’ll be fine, amor. They know I’m tipsy.”

“Yeah. And they know I’m not.”

Although— I look over at the bar. Fuck it, I could fix that now. Before we can reach Mín, Món, and Pancho, standing by the DJ booth, I tear through the crowd, right to the bar. Fuck any rules. This is Def Con One and that lapse in judgment could only be reasonably explained to the Arellano boys by both of us being shitfaced. I flag down a bartender.

“Shot of tequila.”

“What kind?”

I eye him coolly. “Whatever. Dealer’s choice.”

Willing myself not to be too twitchy, conspicuous, I glance around to make sure Benjamín hasn’t sicced Món on me. That look of disapproval on his face is going to be seared to the backs of my eyelids for days. Maybe weeks. Not a chance in hell that he’d overlook that display. As far as Ramón, who looked more intrigued than anything, jury’s still out. Might be he’d follow Mín’s lead. That is, unless Dina were to intervene, which– that’d be something she’d have to do. I’d never ask her. Not an option. That leaves Pancho who’s unlikely to give a shit. Or if he did, he’s too drunk now to make a show of it. But no, even sober, we’ve been homies through and through. He’d have my back. Maybe the only one.

I pinch the bridge of my nose. Christ, all of it, already a fucking mess. It hasn’t spilled out entirely from my head onto the world, but only a matter of time.

A whistle from someone a barstool away interrupts the game of 3D chess I’m playing with myself, trying to compute then varying combinations of factors and events that could end me. I’m so in it, it takes me a beat to even realize they’re whistling at me.

“Ey, dónde aprendiste a bailar como eso? <Hey, where did you learn how to dance like that?>” someone asks quietly, in familiar but strangely-accented Spanish.

I turn to shoot a fuck-off stare to whoever, but when I’m met with the sight of an odd-looking, half-bald, ginger dude in jeans, a denim jacket, and a pair of Jordans that probably cost more than my first car, I’m taken aback by the expression on his face. Strange-like, fondly admiring, but more like he’s observing a zoo animal, exotic as those peacocks waddling across the lawn, than a person.

“Viene de familia.” <Runs in the family.>

All the odd guy says is, “Ah,” and then proceeds to fiddle with the toothpick in his mouth and survey the crowd.

Based on how he’s dressed, it’s clear this dude isn’t a regular guest. If I had to put my money on anything? Sicario. No question. Because even though he doesn’t have the trademark hyper-vigilance, coiled up tight, a piston ready to pop, the strange little homie does have a cracked look I recognize. Like he doesn’t need to be on-guard because he’s past the point of feeling much beyond general amusement.

I’d come up with a couple guys like this back home. Met even more of them in prison. You could tell who they were because they didn’t pretend to be concrete copies of themselves. Already born steel people, they never needed to bother with the mandatory, self-imposed identity mutilation necessary to survive in the Petri dish of the California Department of Corrections. But the most interesting thing about them? Scary as they could be, they’re also some of the more honest criminals I’ve dealt with. At least, those who’re murder-for-hire, not murder-for-fun.

Spotting the shiny, engraved handle of a pistol in his waistband, I whistle, “Nice, .357?”

He doesn’t take it out to show it off, just flashes a slinky, joker smile. “You got a good eye.”

“Likewise. Dope piece.”

Yeah, definitely more than your average muscle. The real pros don’t tend much to show and tell. But who the guy works for, I can’t figure exactly. Given that I had to give up my own weapon before we came through, I’m guessing he’s Miguel’s muscle. Looking over at a doorway filled with the broad shoulders and Fabio-like hair of Miguel’s top security guy, Tony, I try picturing these two working together and have to stifle a laugh.

“What’s so funny?”

“Eh, it’s too hard— it’s nothin’.”

The strange homie responds with an amused snort but doesn’t press further. We go back to our mutual but silent surveillance. I can’t see the Arellanos anywhere, but I do spot the Sinaloa crew making their way to the exit by the bar. The weird little guy waves at them like they’re the oldest of friends. I nearly give myself whiplash, looking back and forth from Strange Homie to Güero and Cochi’s pained smiles and an outright look of disgust from Chapo.

“Those are the guys who brought the tiger last year,” Strange Homie helpfully explains, still waving.

“Man, everyone keeps telling me about that tiger. Guess I missed out.”

“You weren’t here last year?”

Still looking around for Ramón, I shake my head, stating absentmindedly, “Haven’t been to any kinda shit like this in my life.”

If Benjamín hadn’t already put him up to cutting me into little pieces, I would’ve at least expected Món to be hot on the heels of the Sinaloa crew, if only to berate, and harass, and swear at them as they’re leaving. And yet, he’s nowhere. Shoot, maybe Mín decided not to even bother chasing me down, and they just bounced. Left me there. Dina would be pissed but all things considered, I’d be getting off lightly. Compared to other possibilities. Could I be so lucky?

I turn my attention back to Strange Homie.

A jackal-like grin brightens his whole face. “Yeah, you did miss out. I got to feed it.”

“Big animal fan, huh?”

Strange Homie considers the question seriously as though it requires an answer, deep or existential in some way. But what he comes back with is relatively simple. “I guess, apex predators, yeah.”

“Easiest to relate to?” I joke.

The jackal smile back again as he exclaims, “Exacto!” Only this time, it bears sincerity that makes it more endearing than unsettling.

I raise my shot glass, saluting, “Makes sense to me.” An implied given what I know about you, unsaid in the air as I knock the shot back. Strange Homie likely knows, has probably been profiling my own profiling this whole time.

“So, you are not from around here?” Strange Homie ventures, as I catch the bartender’s attention to order another shot.

“From Guadalajara?”

Strange Homie shrugs and nods.

“Nah. You?”

He says with a knowing smirk, “Do I sound like I’m from Guadalajara?”

I shake my head, chuckling to myself. The bartender brings another shot and I put it away, perfunctory, then bite into the lime. It’s so sour, I feel shooting pangs in the sides of my mouth and tongue. The sensation of pain, concrete and tangible enough to focus on, brings me back to me.

I wipe my mouth and clear my throat. “You don’t sound like you’re from Guadalajara, but I got a few camaradas back home who sound kinda like you. Colombianos.”

“Good eye. Good ear,” Strange Homie notes, a hint of approval in his voice.

“The melting pot of America.”

“Ah, entonces eres un gringo?” <Oh, you're a gringo then?>

“Te has visto, hombre? De donde vengo, eres más gringo que yo.” <Have you seen yourself, man? Where I'm from, you're more gringo than me.>

I half-expect Strange Homie to be offended but he just snickers and nods in agreement. “Pues, tal vez tengas razón. Supongo que quiero decir que eres un gabacho.” <Well, maybe you're right. I guess I mean to say, you're a foreigner.">

“Close enough.”

“Well gabacho, un placer. Yo soy Navegante.” He reaches out to shake hands.

I extend mine tentatively, “David Barrón.”

As we stand there, forearms bobbing up and down slowly, a look of calculation and sorrow fills Strange Homie’s eyes. Something about it, and the way he says, “You seem like a cool guy. I wish we hadn’t talked so much.” I can’t quite put my finger on why it makes my stomach drop.

Fuck. Dina. Where are they. The Arellanos. Makes no sense. Been nowhere this whole time. Fuck. The empty spot where my gun usually sat in my waistband screams at me like a phantom limb. I try freeing my hand from Navegante’s, who holds on like a vice and laments, “I am glad you got those shots of tequila in though. Since we both know how bad this will hurt.”

My teeth grind into my lower lip so hard, I taste blood. And yet, it still does fucking nothing to ease the sting of surprise as the knife sinks into my stomach.

✺

Everything after that happens in slow motion. He must’ve carried me out at some point and anyone who saw me doing shots at the bar just assumed I was wasted. I don’t know how much blood I’ve lost. Enough that it feels like I’m moving through molasses when they chuck me in the backseat of that town car. Or is it a limo? The seats are facing each other like in a limo. Or maybe I’m molasses because of the booze. If not the booze exclusively, it definitely isn’t helping, blood thinning as it is. Fucking stupid. So stupid. In my life, had I ever been so stupid?

Although, I have to give it to Strange Homie— what was his name again? Navegante? — it’s been ages since someone got the jump on me like that. Since I was a kid probably. He’d been decent enough about it too, although I could’ve done without the stick in the gut. A few inches higher, he might’ve fractured a rib, but I might have more my full faculties. But no, this guy knew what he was doing. It’d landed exactly where he’d wanted it to.

Fingers wrestle with the tie at my neck, ripping it off, and it’s not until I bring it down to put pressure on the wound in my stomach that I realize those fingers are mine. The other courtesy Navegante had done? Strange Homie left the knife in. Although, whether that’s so I wouldn’t bleed out as fast or if it’s so he could further torture me by twisting it, is unclear. So much of it is unclear. I try going back, retracing every step leading up to the point I’d been stabbed but my brain’s stuck in quicksand. If I live to see tomorrow, I’ll have to take some kind of blood oath to never touch another drop of alcohol again. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Dina. Where is she. The Arellanos. They’d disappeared. Where the fuck was Dina. The panic, the cortisol, like a defibrillator at my chest, shocking me more awake, as I pack the fabric of my tie around the knife to soak up the blood. Forgetting myself, I reach behind for my gun and grumble at the empty spot where it normally is. Should be. Stupid. So. fucking. stupid.

I hear voices outside the car. No gun, no way out, no idea where anyone else is, where I am now, no choice but to accept it. So I just lean back against the seat, keeping pressure on my stomach and wait patiently for what’s to come.

When the door finally opens, I expect to be met with Strange Homie, Navegante’s jackal grin but instead it’s a taller man, a lot more normal looking, with dark eyes and a full head of hair. No one I recognize though and he’s someone I’d remember, considering he’s one of the most sharply dressed motherfuckers I’ve seen outside a movie. He slides in to sit across from me and grabs a file that had been laying on the seat next to him.

He reads from it calmly, soothingly business-as-usual. “I do apologize for the harsh introduction, Señor Barrón Corona. Navegante said you were nothing but gentlemanly prior to his stabbing you.”

I shift uncomfortably in my seat and on reflex, the muscles in my stomach clench around the blade. Like I’ve stepped onto the worst elevator ride, my throat feels like it’s in my head. Just blistering, white-hot agony. A jagged inhale drags down the back of my throat and I try not to pass out. “S’funny,” I cough out, “was just thinking the same thing.”

“Please know, this isn’t personal. Or rather, not for me. I suspect it’s very personal for your employer.” He looked up from the file, smirking. “Or I suppose, that’s the idea.”

My employer? The fuck was Benjamín going to be upset about? Me with a knife in my gut in the backseat of whatever big-shot, cartel guy’s car?

“Banking on the wrong strategy there,” I hiss through gritted teeth.

The man looks up from the file again, waiting for me to explain further.

“No love lost between my employer and me.”

“Hmm. Is that so?”

He says this with such assurance, it becomes apparent that this whole scheme, whatever it is, whatever game this guy’s playing, this shit is well above my pay grade. No point trying to outmaneuver when my head’s still in quicksand and I don’t even have the fucking rulebook.

“But you answer to the whole family, no?”

I roll my eyes and slump my shoulders, too tired to summon a real response.

“David Barrón Corona. From Logan Heights, San Diego, California. Says here you were born in Tijuana, but your parents are naturalized citizens. Which would give you—” he licks his forefinger and flips a page. “Ah yes, dual Mexican-American citizenship. Oh, your father was in the navy? Why does it seem the best sicarios come from military families. Someone should do a study.”

“Eh, eres un soldado either way.” <Eh, you're a soldier either way.>

The man smirks and continues reading. “Two brothers, one older Mateo Barrón Corona, deceased. And one younger, Alexander Barrón Corona, incarcerated, life no parole. And your mother— hmm, we don’t have much on her.”

I clench my teeth so hard, it feels like I have a charlie horse in my jaw. Willing my stomach muscles to relax, I ease off the middle console with my elbow to lean against the window and breathe out a, “Wow.”

The man takes out a cigarette and pops it between his lips, mumbling, “Qué?” as he lights up.

“Just— I dunno. Seems a lotta paperwork for somebody who’s nobody. Whose asset are you, DoD, CIA?”

The man shakes out his match and cracks a window on his side to toss it out. “Ah, see, but that’s the thing, David— may I call you David?”

I nod listlessly.

“David, do I seem to you like someone who’d waste so much time, go to all this trouble if you were a complete nobody?”

“Can’t say. We just met.” We’re well past politeness. I’m already bleeding all over this guy’s Oxford leather seats.

But instead of insulting him, he cuts up, laughing deep and full. “Funny, discerning—tonight’s little encounter notwithstanding. And from what I hear, an excellent shot, a competent sicario.”

I snort loud enough that he pauses to say, “What is that? False modesty? Don’t bore me before we’ve gotten started.”

“No. I am as good as you’ve heard probably. But that’s not the point.”

Dragging slowly from his cigarette, he brushes a bit of ash that’s fallen on his pant leg, then looks up, fixes his eyes on me, and says, “Enlighten me, then.” He’s the cat. I’m the ball of yarn. It doesn’t even matter.

“Any sicario worth a shit knows it doesn’t matter how good you get.“

“Why’s that?”

A gotcha-type smile spreads across my face for the first time in what feels like ages. “’Cause however good I may be, I’ll always be expendable. Guys like me are always short to the gate.”

And just when I think I’ve got him, for some reason, that warms up those cold brown eyes of his, as though I’ve proven his point more than my own. He bobs his head toward the window where Navegante stood guarding the car. “Well, that may be true of most in your line of work. But I asked my man out there, and he seems to think you’re good people. I’m putting together the picture of you, beginning to understand the appeal, what she sees in you.”

“Why. You hiring?”

“Oh no, no,” he chuckles lightly, “you’re of no use to me that way. No, the fact of the matter is,” then clicks his tongue against the inside of his cheek, “you’re right. Some are more expendable than others. But at the finish line, when death comes to collect, really, we’re all expendable.”

If this guy doesn’t reach some point, some punchline soon, I swear I’m gonna yank this knife out myself, happily bleed out all over the place just to reach some definitive conclusion.

”But here and now? To one with a little power and something I need? You David, are much less expendable than you think.”

The hell is he even talki— oh, fuck.

What she sees in you.

It echoes in my ears until it detonates, like pulling the pin on a grenade in my head, shrapnel ricocheting on the inner walls of my skull, just as I’m trying to piece it together.

My boss. Personal. Dina. You answer to the whole family, no? The guy’s practically been explaining it from the beginning. I’ve just been too dead in the head to make sense of it.

“Ah yes, there it is. And now that you’re caught up with the rest of the class, allow me to formally introduce myself.” The man places his hand on his chest, bowing his head. “I’m Pacho Herrera.”

Yup. This is above my pay grade. Way, way, way the fuck above my pay grade.

#narcos mexico #narcos mexico fanfic #enedina arellano felix x david barron #dinarron #enedina arellano felix #david barron #timeline divergence #also this is separate from my dinarron russian novel #but this place has everything #angst so mild a white man could handle it #smooching #stabbing #with KNIVES #forbidden love/secret relationship #seeeeeeeeeecrets #Dina - a woman who will actually pay to step on you #Barron - a man being accidentally hot at every turn for no good reason #Pacho - a sly and suave and snappily dressed mf with a plan #the most bizarre buddy-cop duo we didn't know we needed #like shit you not it makes no actual sense but somehow works?? #there's also dancing #during which you should bust out Spotify or Youtube or wherever tf #and put on a little ditty called 'Guajira del Mar' #to set the mood #to get the feel #to establish the Vibe #also to that one anon who likes dinarron stuff - here's a new thingy to feast on #until i get my shit together with the asslong novel i've been working on for them sksksjflkdajlsdkj

[sleepyowlwrites]

find the word tag CCCXXI

a bit upset because instead of sleeping during the day yesterday, I just was awake until 9pm, and then slept VERY WELL in 4 hour bursts until 6am today, but that means that I'll have to work to convince myself to get any sleep before the overnight tonight. I also don't know if I need to be awake at a certain time for my grandma to come home. eep. @zmwrites @diphthongsfordays

heat (the sleepy stash, 2020)

"And if I don't come back?" Era whispered.

"I'll remember." She gripped Era's hand harder. "And you will live. Because you'll be alive."

Era realized what she was doing but fought back a second too late. Her body was shoved backward and the heat of the gate surrounded her.

"I'll remember, so just live!"

She heard Lin's voice as though underwater, the mists sinking through Era's skin and filling up her lungs and suffocating her and-

Sunlight hit her eyelids and she opened them to see a blue sky.

hand (apocalypse story)

Ty lifts Ben’s chin with his own slender fingers. His eyes are still steel but Ben feels less afraid. He doesn’t know what he was scared of to begin with. His shoulders are shaking, shivering. Ty slides his thumb over Ben’s jaw a couple of times, the movement incredibly gentle. Ben hasn’t known Ty that long, and he barely know anything about him, but he knows that Ty Carrow is all the things he wishes he could be: strong, resilient, quick-witted and closed off. A protector instead of someone who needs protecting.

Ben believes that Ty could tear open the world if he set his mind to it. Ty - the idea - is terrifying. But here is Ty - the person - crouched before him, one hand tracing circles on Ben’s skin with callused fingers, and Ben is not afraid.

hesitate (dirt in the doing)

“I am very capable of taking care of myself,” Rune finally says, staring at her cider instead of any of her audience. “It’s been two years and Max hasn’t been able to catch me. And if he did, it doesn’t matter.”

She shuts her eyes for a moment before locking eyes with Jet. “I know what to do. I won’t hesitate. I’ll hurt him before he can hurt me.”

hold (dirt in the doing)

“What did happen, though?” Yarrow asks, knocking his head against Shadow’s when he leans forward like he’s about to hear a secret.

“I startled someone,” Rune says flatly, stuffing her mouth with food.

Jet glances around to see that the gang is still waiting for her to swallow and finish this story like it’s much more thrilling than it is. Or maybe they just like having Rune’s attention. She is never afraid to give it, to make her listener feel special, like they are much more important that anything else she has going on. Jet tries to to be affected by this aura.

“And they reacted in such a way that the fingers on my right hand got bent backward.” Rune holds out her right hand and traces over the back of it with her other index finger. "I felt something in here, and I could barely move them and couldn’t hold any weight with them. I taped two of them together and tried to manage the best I could.”

rough (beating hearts, 2021)

“Careful,” Pangzi says, teasing again, his tone rough and warm like he’s talking to a friend. It sits at the edge of his hearing as a comforting sound, something much nicer than the roar reaching up from under the stone.

Liu Sang clings onto that anchor as he rights himself and then, after a meaningful pause, rids himself of Pangzi’s hand. He doesn’t glare while he does it, just nods a little to let the other know he’s alright.

Pangzi lets him, and merely trudges forward without another word to allow Liu Sang some space where there isn’t much to be found. It’s incredibly thoughtful. And too much, it’s too much for Liu Sang to deal with right now. Emotions are precious and he can rarely afford them, and exploring a potentially dangerous tomb with his hearing already at a likelihood of being compromised is no time to indulge in them.

idiot (dirt in the doing)

Jet has just enough room in his apartment for one other person to stay over, and that’s stretching it, because all he really has is a bed that technically fits two people.

When Hawk stayed over during that first week of their extremely strained acquaintanceship, Jet had made him sleep on the couch. The second night, Hawk rolled off and made such a big deal out of the bruises that Jet gave in and let him sleep on the bed. That is, Jet just about shoved a spoon through Hawk’s eyeball, complained about it to Moss like an idiot, and was soft-glared into allowing the second occupant.

Jet has just enough room in his apartment for a second person, and maybe a third if someone else wants to chance the couch, but he doesn’t think he could withstand knowing that three people are sharing his place. If Copper is sleeping over, that leaves no emotional space for anyone else.

Even, or perhaps especially, if for some reason there’s an exhausted Rune standing in front of him at eleven o’clock at night, and Copper is indeed already asleep on Jet’s bed.

gold (the sleepy stash, 2021)

she dressed herself in midnight with a sparrow on her arm. she wore shoes of ice and rings of light and perfumed herself in charm. she smiled with teeth of gold and with every petaled word did harm. she strangled the moon with shadows. she never could get warm.

whole (dirt in the doing)

Jet thinks for a moment. “Would you rather be alone tonight?”

“I’d never rather be alone,” and this time her laughter sounds even more strained, even more like a slight breeze. “But I’m getting used to you.”

“I said you could,” Jet huffs, annoyed that they’re back at this. “I know we’re not very good at the whole trust thing, but I- whatever, you know, I trust you. Clearly, you also trust me, in some capacity.”

Rune wraps her arms around herself, not looking at him. “In some capacity, yeah.”

“So, then, stop being so weird and stupid, and rely on me where I’m giving you reasons, okay? I offer, you accept. You don’t have to ask.”

tired, tear, three, tease. BONUS: thread, temper. @indecentpause @lanawritesalittle @oh-no-another-idea @phantomofthewriting @splashinkling @talesfromgringolandia @wherearetheplants @writer-on-time OR ANYBODY

#find the word tag #searching circle #alliteration agency

[jaejoongs-nipple-piercing]

I’m writing this a day early because I’ll be too much of a mess tomorrow. This is a split post: half for Kim Jonghyun and half for my grandma.

For Jonghyun: I wish I would have tried harder in 2016 to go to your fanmeet in Dallas. I know it’s too far away and I would have had to take a plane to get there but I wanted to meet you so bad. I wanted to give you a hug, I wish I could have told you how well you were doing and that you have since inspired me to attempt one of my dreams of writing again. I’m not in the best place mentally the last few years and I’ve been crying more than I’ll ever admit but your songs as 5 help me get through things. In fact, I listened to your cover of Y Si Fuera Ella again yesterday on the way back home from my walk, and as soon as the instruments started my tears just fell out. Luckily I’ve been walking these roads since I was 5-6 so I know what I’m doing. Anyway, even though I never got to meet you I do still miss you. And it’s harder than ever this year because you left on my grandmas birthday and now she’s gone too. So as strange as it sounds, if there’s any way at all that you see this Jonghyun, can you please watch over an 88 year old woman named Marjorie for me? I miss her a lot too.

Grandma: I hate that you had to go through so much pain the last few years. I hate that in the process of going through the chemo and radiation that it ruined your lungs. I hate that someone decided to take you away from me, from us when you weren’t supposed to go yet. You wanted to have a big celebration on your 90th birthday so in honor of you I will celebrate the way you wanted. And if I have to take that day off from work then I will. I know we weren’t very close like we were when I was a kid and I feel bad about it. I’m so sorry. I wanted to visit more but I had to work. And you know you weren’t supposed to be driving, that’s why I didn’t want you to take me up to work. It wasn’t because I didn’t love you anymore, it was for your safety.

I miss helping you with sewing projects. I miss making sun dried raisins with you. I miss picking blackberries over the summer in the back yard. I miss the fun sleepovers, the Christmas decorations you always had out. Your cute sleeping Santa that I would stare at for hours after we finished eating because I was so sure he would wake up at some point. I miss playing with your Barbie’s as a kid and you telling me they can’t be nude “you have to put clothes on the babies” you would say. We would stay up late and watch movies and eat popcorn way past our bedtime.

Your house isn’t the same anymore. There’s a ramp outside. Everyone is always gone. And Ethan has your phone now. They don’t want us to call your house your house anymore. But I promise you, it will always be Grandmas’ House. I hate the things that took you away and though it didn’t hit me at first it really has the last few months. And I honestly might never open the gift you got me for my birthday but if I do, then that’s it. No more presents from grandma and I don’t want that so I’m putting it off as long as I can. And I don’t have a safe place in my room to put it right now.

Thank you for teaching me how to embroider, I use some of the basic stitches to sew up my clothes so I don’t have to buy more. Thank you for letting us eat raw cookie dough even though it’s bad for us. Thank you for letting me sleep with you in your bed when I was little and scared. Thank you for the black and white striped dress you made me in 5th grade and for all the pajamas you made for me and the rest of us. Thank you for letting us hide in your house for 6 long months in 2015, I know that was hard on you but it really helped us. Thank you for the horse quilt you made me for my 13th birthday and the Quillow you and mom made me with shoes and Betty Boop. Thank you for all the sheets and pillowcases you made and embroidered for me over the years, I still have them all. Thank you for the shoe-shaped ring holder and the necklaces with the interchangeable watch kit. Thank you for letting me pick through your American Girl books and take the ones I wanted. Thank you for letting me play in your kitten heels that you always kept hidden under your bed. Thank you for making us waffles the morning after the slumber parties. Thank you for taking me to that fair where I got my cute little beaded cat necklace, I wear it almost every Halloween. And for the little fuchsia and teal striped plush fish.

I miss all of that, and I miss you.

#Jonghyun #shinee Jonghyun #grandma #my grandma

[ilsangdo]

WELCOME TO YOUR HOME AWAY FROM HOME!

beyond the sandy shores there’s a storm brewing, and LEE JIHYUN (she/her), a twenty-three year old NURSE has walked right into it. perhaps they aren’t aware of it now, but the CHOI YEWON ‘arin’ ( oh my girl ) look-alike is in for quite the memorable experience. will our beloved TOWNIE be able to enjoy their stay?

be careful where you step LEE JIHYUN, for HUMANS seem to be a little less welcomed here. and remember, here at ilsang, things aren’t always what they seem.

Life is full of lessons:

LESSON #1: THERE’S AN ORDER TO THINGS.

Birth, life, death & all that’s in-between— there’s a certain sequence to things in the in-betweens.

4 legs in the morning, 2 in the afternoon, and 3 in the evening. Kindergarten, elementary, middle, high school and university. Date for a respectable amount of time, get married, have kids and work until you can’t.

That’s just how it’s done, isn’t it?

That’s how Jihyun’s parents try to do it, anyway. Register their marriage at the courthouse, before Seona starts to show, and Gihoon makes a respectable(-ish) woman out of her and keeps the neighbourhood aunties’ gossip to a minimum. Mind, they still talk— of course they do!— but their families are slightly less embarrassed.

It could be worse. At least they’re both adults and can raise a baby.

LESSON #2: JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN, DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD.

Just because you can fit your entire fist into your mouth, doesn’t mean you should. (Wise words from Han Seona, as she sits with a wailing Jihyun in Choi’s Clinic and Pharmacy. Mother knows best.)

Just because you can get divorced easily in the 21st century, doesn’t mean you should. (Mother doesn’t always know best, Jihyun realises. She used to hate when Grandma nagged Mom for it, but honestly? Grandma’s right. She gets older and realises that her parents were just as stupid in their 20s as she currently is. She watches her parents as a teenager, and swears to never turn out as stupidly prideful as they both are. She realises, at 24, she’s worse.)

Just because you can hit Chang Seojun in the face for flipping up your skirt, doesn’t mean you should. (Girls are not ‘supposed’ to be violent.)

LESSON #3: BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD.

Fuck Chang Seojun, that fucking bastard with nothing between his ears.

Your only regret is not hitting him with a thicker workbook.

LESSON #4: GIVE IT YOUR ALL, SO YOU DON’T HAVE ANY REGRETS.

You live your life well enough.

You study hard & get grades good enough you can go to Seoul for uni.

You party hard, and study even harder.

You work really fucking hard in the few months you spend in Seoul, because you’re on-track to living the life you want! Your Switzerland savings account is 3/4s full, and you’re going to ask for your paid 2 weeks off in August.

LESSON #5: SHIT DOESN’T ALWAYS WORK OUT.

Come August, you’re back in Ilsangdo.

Dad’s Stage 2. Mom says you don’t have to move back— “It’s only Stage 2, Jihyun! Korea’s got the best treatment for stomach cancer! Really, you’re overreacting.”

You do, anyway.

Get a job at the local clinic, and tag-team with Mom when driving him to appointments in Seoul. Move back into your childhood bedroom, and wait for your apartment to be completed.

Wake up. Work. Eat. Work. Home. Sleep.

Rinse, repeat.

LESSON #0: ALL OF THE ABOVE REALLY MEANS FUCK ALL.

#ilsfollow #ils:sunflower

[acciomalfoy]

What a beautiful wedding (Fred Weasley x Reader)

Summary: While attending Bill and Fleur’s reception, certain secrets are forced to be revealed.

-

“Isn’t she beautiful?” I whispered in awe as I watched Fleur, the absolute goddess, walk down the aisle. She was breathtaking, and if she wasn’t about to get married maybe I could’ve convinced her to marry me. Fred nudged me.

“Come on, L/n. Don’t tell me you’re the type to go soft over a wedding.” I ignored him in favour of smiling at Fleur, who beamed back.

Fred was on one side of me with George on the other, and bridesmaids and groomsmen were scattered across in front of the guests, while Fleur eventually reached the front. Charlie hastily pulled out her ring and presented it to Bill, who looked like he was on the verge of tears. I would have been too, with a bride like that.

“Be honest. Do you think I could seduce Fleur and convince her to elope with me?” I whispered, and George coughed to disguise his laughter.

“I think you could do anything.” Fred whispered back, and the vows began.

“With this hand I will lift your sorrows. Your cup will never be empty, for I will be your wine. With this candle, I will light your way into darkness. With this ring I ask you to be mine.” At this point I was seriously beginning to question my sexuality. That was, until I saw the smile on Fred’s face. Then Bill said his vows.

“It was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were truly supposed to be together, and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched you. It was like coming home, only to no home I’d ever known. I was just taking your hand to help you out of a carriage and I knew. It was the most pure form of magic that I’ve ever known.” Everyone, every single witch and wizard in attendance cooed, the witches tearing up and the wizards focussing on doing just the opposite.

“You may now kiss the witch.” The officiant said, and Bill did just that. We began cheering and screaming, and there wasn’t a couple quite as beautiful as this one.

The bridesmaids and groomsmen followed the newlyweds in a seperate carriage, and as I was squished between Ginny and George, I realised that life possibly couldn’t get any better. Ginny kept looking meaningfully between George and I, making me laugh harder and harder each time. She couldn’t have gotten it more wrong.

“I see you flirting.” She whispered in my ear, and I sniggered, patting George on the head.

“I don’t think so, Gin.” She narrowed her eyes and looked pointedly away, and that was just fine by me. Soon enough we reached the reception, Fred falling into step beside me.

“So, my dear Y/n. Were you ever planning on telling me that you want to snog my brothers tonsils out?” I shrieked with laughter, and Fred scowled.

“I’d sooner play tonsil hockey with Malfoy!” I cried out, and George punched my shoulder.

“Bloody tosser.” He mumbled, but his smile afterwards showed me there was no hard feelings.  

When we walked into the tent the sheer size of it shocked me; but then again, there were quite a lot of guests coming to reception that weren’t at the ceremony. Shortly everyone had arrived, and after introducing the bride and groom we took out seats. It was almost instantaneous - as soon as everyone was seated small pieces of paper appeared in front of each person. It seemed to be a checklist.

Find someone who’s patronus is an otter.

Find someone who’s painted their fingernails green.

Find someone who’s older than eighty.

Find someone who took more than four minutes to be sorted into their school house.

Find someone who was retrieved in the triwizards tournament.

Convince someone to confess to their soulmate and the spell they created.

I almost dropped the paper when I saw the last one. A soulmate spell? Those were incredibly tricky to cast, let alone invent.

“Fred! What’d you get?” We compared lists, and he laughed at mine.

“Look, one of yours has already been ticked off!” He said, and I got a horrible flashback to the tri-wizards tournament. Lucky Cedric had saved me relatively quickly, since my claustrophobia had already begun to set in.

“I wonder where Ced’s sitting.” I pondered, and George made a face.

“Why? You don’t like him, do you?” He asked, and I shrugged.

“No, not really. He’s fucking gorgeous, you’d have to be blind to not notice that, but I think he’s gay.” I whispered the last part, just in case the older brunette was somewhere behind me.

“I have to say, I agree.” Fred said gravely, and George rolled his eyes.

“Sometimes I think you’re gay, you dickhead.” Fred clutched his heart and I laughed at the twins - they really were the best.

“Anyway, Bill said that each list is charmed to cater to the person. So the answers to your list are the people you have the most in common with. Apparently you can’t leave until you’ve checked everything off AND you’ve checked what you can for other people. Take Hermione, for instance. She’s obviously the only one with an otter, so she can’t leave until she talks to everyone with that challenge.”

“I think I need a drink.” Fred said, and I agreed.

The night didn’t exactly fly by. Those with difficult lists were all too aware of how long it was taking them, and the only challenge I had left was the last one. I was on the verge of tears, and a drunken Fred was too. I didn’t know what challenge he had left, but the issue still remained. We were stuck here. There was maybe twenty people left, and the groom was one of them.

“Don’t fucking talk to me. I’m ready to throttle my lovely wife for the idea.” Bill warned as I approached him, and I groaned.

“Bill, I just want to go to bed! I’m begging you!” Bill only shook his head.

“I have absolutely zero power over it. I think a divorce is on the cards.” I brightened up at that, until I realised I would be stuck at the reception for the rest of life and wouldn’t be able to elope with the bride.

“What’s yours anyway?” I finally asked, and Bill glared at me.

“Watch someone fall in love. I know. Seriously, even if one person falls in love I have to fucking find them just before they do.” I had a good laugh at that. Bill seemed to be in a slightly worse position than I was, even though I was still fucked. I decided to take action, and stood on a chair before clinking a glass.

“Attention, ladies and gentlemen. If you or someone you know has invented a soulmate tracker spell then please, I beg you, hit me the fuck up and we can have a talk.” I stepped down and almost stumbled. Maybe I shouldn’t have done those fire-whisky shots. When in Rome, however. Mental note: you absolutely cannot keep up with Charlie Weasley when it comes to alcohol. I made my way over to Bill, who had placed an incredibly drunk Fred into a chair and was patting his head. It would have been nice if it wasn’t just weird.

“Hope I’m not interrupting anything.” I said breezily, and Fred grabbed my hand.

“Of course you’re not, sweet cheeks.” Godric Gryffindor, I tried not to blush. I knew he was only saying it because he was drunk, and because he didn’t have a filter, but it still made me smile.

“Control your brother, Bill. Oh! Cedric’s still here!” I let go of Fred’s hand and tried to walk away, but to my dismay Fred yanked me backwards and pulled me onto his lap.

“Look’s like he’s your problem now.” Bill said. “I’ll go see how Cedric’s doing, shall I?” Bill was off without another word, and Fred pulled me even closer.

“Why do you like Cedric so much?” He murmured into my ear, and I involuntarily shivered.

“He’s my best friend, you oaf. Now let me go!” I struggled against his grip, but I just couldn’t escape.

“I thought I was your best friend.” He said, and I gave up trying.

“You are. I can have more than best friend, you realise that right?” Fred shook his head.

“No you can’t. I’m not letting you go until you say I’m your bestest friend ever.” He clutched me tighter than ever, and I tried in vain to get Bill’s attention.

“You’re a child. An actual child, Fred.” When there was no response, I sighed. “Fine. You’re my bestest friend ever.” I said, and Fred cheered, letting go of me. I stood up quickly, and Bill came back with Cedric in tow.

“Look who’s left. How are ya, Fred?” Cedric sat besides Fred, and I leaned on Bill’s shoulder.

“Fucking hell, I might fall asleep standing up.” I murmured, and Bill patted my head in a similar manner to what he had done to Fred.

“I’ll join you. Who do you reckon’s the most likely person to fall in love out of everyone in this room?” Bill asked, and I snorted.

“It’s got to be your grandma, doesn’t it?“ Bill scoffed and rolled his eyes at my laughter.

“Har har. You’re so funny, Y/n. I might just die of laughter.” He said, and I let my gaze wander around the room. I wondered who was going to fall in love tonight.

“Ced! What do you have left?” I asked, and Cedric looked up.

“I’ve got fall in love. I know, and there’s no way it’s with Grandma Weasley, I can tell you that.” He said, and I laughed. A lot. I clutched my stomach as I laughed, and really, it wasn’t even that funny. It was just the thought of Grandma Weasley walking down the aisle to meet Cedric took me out completely. With a soft pop, I watched Cedric and Bill disappear.

“What just happened?” Fred asked slowly, and I wasn’t in the state of mind to know.

“They popped. They’re going to bed now, maybe we should too. We can sleep on the floor.” I sat down on the floor and it was horribly uncomfortable.

“What do you have left?” I asked with a yawn, and Fred sighed heavily.

“I’ve done my challenges.” He said, and I remembered he was the key to someone else’s puzzle.

“That sucks then. Maybe you should try and talk to people and figure out what it is.” I said, and he looked at me sadly.

“I know what it is.” The silence stretched out for a long time.

“Well?” I asked, and he laughed without a trace of humour.

“You really don’t know?” He questioned, and I shook my head.

“Unfortunately my dear, I’m the answer to yours.” I blinked slowly. My crush and best friend of five years had invented a soulmate spell and hadn’t thought to tell me.

“Fred, come on. Just confess to her and we can leave this prison.” I pleaded with him, but the man was being unreasonable.

“Absolutely not. We can live here for the rest of our lives.” Fred smiled award winningly, and I found that I couldn’t smile back.

“At least tell me who she is. Maybe I can try and see if she likes you.” I fiddled with the hem of my dress, and it was hard to look Fred in the eye knowing he belonged to someone else.

“I don’t think so, pretty girl. I don’t think she will be too thrilled to see who she’s mated to.” Fred confessed, and I rolled my eyes.

“Any girl with a heartbeat would kill to be soulmates with you, Fred. Why can’t you see that?”

“Any girl?” He whispered.

“Any girl.” I confirmed. Fred took a deep breath.

“You’re my soulmate.” Fred said eventually, and before I could blink we were standing in the burrow.

I looked at Fred, his brown eyes ever beautiful, and made a split-second decision. I flung myself into his arms, and he caught me with ease.

“You’re a tosser,” I murmured into his ear. “-You should have told me as soon as you knew.” I hugged him tightly, and his grip on me tightened.

“I didn’t know how you’d react.” He confessed, and I pulled my head off his shoulder. Godric, he was beautiful.

“Still.” I leaned in and our lips met, moving in perfect sync. His hair was softer than what I had always thought it would be, and it was perfect.

#fred weasley x reader #fred weasley #george weasley #bill weasley #fleur delacour #ginny weasley

[cedriccullen00]

it’s not like that.

-your jaspers mate

-he gets jealous as he hears mike flirt with you

-lots of fluff

I let a chuckle escape through my lips as I walked beside Bella and Edward down the hall. “C’mon Y/N, you know it’s true.” Bella said elbowing me in the ribs lightly. “S’not true. He wasn’t drooling. He was just... shocked?” I said making her and myself laugh. “You don’t want to know what he was thinking.” Edward said smirking as he looked at me. “Oh shut up Edward, you disgusting perv.” I said with a smile, Bella wiped her eyes that got wet from laughing so hard. “Look all I’m saying is that he was imagining you ti-,” he started and I threw my hand over his mouth. “Okay, okay, enough.” I groaned and he took my my wrist to remove my hand from his mouth. “It doesn’t take a mind reader to know what he was imaging.” Bella said from the other side of Edward. “And to believe you are my best friend Swan.” I said shaking my head and she rolled her eyes playfully. “Look it’s your class, so go.” Edward said pushing me a little towards the Math room. “Fine. Bye Bells, bye perv.” I said smirking and Edward took his hand and pushed my head in a sibling manor while Bella waved at me. “See you at lunch Mrs.Newton.” she teased and I made a gagging noise as I stuck my finger at my mouth, her and Edward laughed before they walked away. I turned around and huffed, I hated math.“You’re late Ms.Cullen.” the teacher said as I walked through the door. “Should I apologize?” I asked smiling at her and she frowned. “I thought your mother would’ve raised you better than that.” she murmured. “And I thought going to college and getting a degree made you smart. Guess we’re both wrong.” I said with a shrug and I heard Emmett give a low chuckle. “Take your seat. Now.” she snapped and I saluted her before walking to the empty seat beside Emmett. “You are such an asshole.” he whispered to me with a wide smile on his face as I slid into the seat. “I’ve had 78 years to learn from the best.” I said looking at him and he grabbed his notebook and hit me on the head. The sound was not loud but the people near us probably thought he just smashed a pan on my head. “Bitch.” I grumbled at him and he winked at me. “Cullens! Get yourselfs together or I’m calling your father! You two know he’d be very disappointed.” the teacher snapped again from the front of the room. “If you want to call him I can give you my phone.” Emmett said from beside me. “Or you can use mine! It’s red and has a cute little ringtone.” I said after him darting my eyes at the teacher. “Out of my class both of you!” she screeched. Emmett and I stood up slinging our bags over our shoulders. “Bye teach. See ya Monday.” I said as I strode by her. “Or not.” Emmett added behind me winking at the teacher. As soon as we were in the hallway he gave turned to me smiling. “Sweet.” he said raising his fist for a fist bump. “Right? Hope she doesn’t call Carlisle though, that’s the 5th time we’ve pulled a stunt like that this month.” I said smiling at my big brother as we started to walk down the hall. “Who cares, we’ve been taking classes like that for 50 years.Let’s go relax before lunch.” he said and I nodded. “Your smart.” I murmured and he chuckled. “Why thank you.” he responded.

“There they are.” Alice said looking up as Emmett and I walked closer to the table. “I don’t like the way you said that.” I said to my sister as I sat next to Jasper, my mate. “You’re in big trouble darlin’.” he said as I rested my head on his shoulder. “Oh yeah? And why’s that cowboy?” I asked and he chuckled. “We heard your smart remarks towards the teacher.” he said and I sighed. “Not just mine, you heard Emmetts too.” I commented looking at my brother. “Oh of course we did, but you’re going to get in more trouble with Carlisle than Emmett is.” Alice said smirking and I groaned. “How bad?” I asked and Edward smirked. “We’re talking 4 lectures at once bad.” he said and I groaned again. “Please, please, please tell me he isn’t making me-,” I started but Rosalie finished. “Apologize to the teacher and by her a bouquet of flowers. Yep, he is.” she said and I nuzzled my head into Jaspers neck. “Take me to the Volturi.” I muttered and they all laughed. “I want to know how bad Emmetts getting it.” Bella said laying her head in the palm of her hand. “Yeah I’m with her! Take the steam off me!” I exclaimed taking my head off of Jasper looking up with a smile. “He’s only getting one lecture and he has to simply apologize.” Jasper said and I huffed. “I don’t the vibes here even though I’m next to Jasper so I’m excusing myself to go... I don’t know to the car I guess.” I said with a shrug. I got up and Jasper did too, I looked at him with furrowed brows and he laughed. “What? It’s not like I’m going to eat anything.” he said smiling. Bella have a small giggle along with Alice as he grabbed my hand softly and lead me out of the cafeteria. “You have to admit some of remarks were funny.” I said with a shrug and he laughed quietly. “Yes I will admit one of them had me laughing during my history test. But was it worth it?” he asked looking down at me and I nodded. “Obviously, c’mon I’ve dealt with angry Carlisle before. Remember?” I asked and he nodded. “How could I not darlin’? It was the highlight of my 1947.” he said smirking and I punched him lightly, well as lightly as a vampire with non-human strength could. “It was hilarious. You jumped from the stands onto the Yankees baseball field screaming, ‘Let me pitch! Let me pitch!’ and ‘C’mon my grandma can hit the ball better than you!’” he said mimicking my voice, his accent poking through at points. “Hey, I was just telling the truth.” I said with a shrug and a giggle. “Carlisle was so mad, you know he still refuses to ever go to New York again? He says he’ll never do it. He even stopped watching the Yankees!” Jasper exclaimed and I started laughing really hard. “He did... didn’t...he.” I said in between laughs while Jasper laughed with me. After a second out laughter settled and I sighed shaking my head. “What if this was the last straw? What if he kicks me out of the coven?” I asked suddenly getting worried, I’m not necessarily bad I just like making jokes and teasing people, Carlisle knew that. “He would never do that.” Jasper whispered as we walked hand in hand in the opposite direction of the jeep. “Jasper you don’t know that. He may think I’ve gone reckless. Oh god what if he sends me to Tanya?!” I asked, my left hand rising to my mouth. “He knows you don’t get along with her, he’d rather send you to the Irish coven.” he said smirking and I frowned. “He wouldn’t do that sweetheart, if he did he’d be losing me too.” he whispered softly and I looked up at him. “Really?” I asked and he nodded bending down to plant a soft cool kiss to my lips. “Of course.” he murmured, leaning back. I smiled at him as he started to lead us to the library after our sudden stop for the kiss.

“I’m not interested Mike.” I said in a sing song voice as I walked out of the school, Mike Newton on my tail. “Oh c’mon Cullen, leave your creepy blonde for one evening and I’ll my you fall for me.” he said as I walked to Bella’s car, I didn’t want to lead Mike to Jasper. “Sorry all my evenings are booked.” I said with a shrug and he huffed. “Have you always played hard to get?” he asked and I came to a stop and turned sharply to him. “I’m not playing hard to get. I have a boyfriend and you need to respect that.” I snapped and he smirked. “She’s feisty.” he said and I bawled my hands into fists. “And he’s an ass.” I growled and he chuckled. “I’d like to see that ass.” he said and I raised my hand up. Before my hand could make contact with his face strong arms were around me. “Shhh stand down.” Edward whispered softly. “What did you say to my little sister?” Emmett asked as he softly pushed Edward and I aside. “N-nothing.” Mike stuttered looking up at my older brother and frowned. “Oh I think you did. Come with me pretty boy.” he growled before taking Mike by the arm and dragging him away. “And you come with me.” Jasper grumbled taking my hand and yanking me from Edwards grip. He lead me across the parking lot and to Emmetts jeep, he was so angry you didn’t need his power to tell. He let go of my hand and climbed into the driver seat as I walked to the passenger side. “Jasper...” I whispered and he shook his head. “Maybe he was right! Maybe you should leave your creepy blonde boyfriend...or husband I should say!” he shouted as he started the vehicle and angrily pulled out of the parking space. “I’m sorry but do you hear yourself?! You sound insane!” I shouted and he scoffed. “Do I sound insane or do I sound smart!? Maybe you should go home and destroy your wedding ring, then call up ol’ buddy back there!” he spat and I shook my head and crossed my arms. “You really think I’d leave you. I expected you to think higher of me.” I growled and he pushed harder on the gas pedal. “Maybe you should leave, you obviously deserve better. Maybe not Newton but better.” he growled and that was all it took. “Stop the car.” I ordered but he didn’t listen. “No.” he shot back. “STOP THE DAMN CAR JASPER!” I shouted and he slowed to a stop pulling to the side of the road. “What?” he growled. “I’m not having this pointless fight with you. I don’t know who screwed with your damn mind but Id rather turn myself into the Volturi and have them murder me than be with anyone else.” I said quickly. “But-,” he started but I shook my head. “You listen here cowboy, I didn’t sign up for you putting yourself down. You are the best man I’ve ever came across us and I’ll be damned if I let some white washed Forks boy change your mind! I love you Jasper, I always will! There won’t be a second that goes by that I don’t love you! So I’m not going to sit here and have this stupid fight with you because you think I don’t love you! I love you like a human likes air, like a bear likes honey, like... like Alice likes shopping. Okay, so get that through your thick skull!” I said looking him dead in the eyes. He let a strangled sigh leave his lips and he nodded. “You’re right. Love, I’m sorry I got that way you didn’t deserve it. I love you more than anything and I just didn’t like seeing someone else try to match their love of you to mine. Please forgive me.” he whispered lookingat me with his round honey orbs. “Of course I forgive you. Now come here.” I said opening my arms and he hugged me across the console. “I love you.” I whispered kissing the side of his head. “I love you too angle.” he whispered rubbing my back. We never fought, but when we did it always ended with us in each other’s arms, and honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way.

#jasper hale x reader #jasper hale x y/n #jasper cullen #jasper hale #twilight one shot #twilight #team edward

[batcathuntress]

an unfortunate obsession

set in: season 10 

pairing: aaron hotchner x daughter!reader 

summary: you have a creepy stalker, reader is 17

tw: mention of dead people, stalker and that’s about it 

__________ 

you wanted to be a profiler when you grew up, not at all surprising considering your dad’s one and when he told you he was so excited because well you are basically a little him and that’s why the team mostly refer to you as baby Hotchner and Aaron would have stopped them if he didn’t secretly think it was adorable but with being a profiler comes the daily violence and endless pile of bodies from the people they couldn’t save and knowing what it’s done to him and the team he secretly at times wished that you would change your mind, that you could stay innocent from the horrors forever but life never seemed to favour Aaron so when you entered this horrific side of his life earlier than expected he found himself having a hard time handling it lord knows it made your life harder too

you rushed out of the elevator of the BAU on an already gloomy Monday afternoon and shakily dropped the box you were carrying onto the closest desk which happened to be Kate Callahan’s the bang got the attention of the rest of the team

“y/n, sweetie what’s wrong?” you heard JJ ask and you pointed at the box trying to get the words out but every time you opened your mouth you felt like you were going to be sick, Morgan walked around you and carefully opened the box before slightly jumping back when he saw what was inside, everyone gathered around and covered their noses because the smell of dead flesh was starting to surround the area. you’d been sent a heart in a box made out of someones skin and now you needed the teams help to find out who sent it before they came for you

you all sat in the briefing room as your dad walked back and fourth reading the letter you got over and over, “so this was in your locker?” Kate asked

“yep and the letter as attached to it”

“well i have some news, the little box is made out of Cynthia Brogans she was a teacher at y/n’s school and she was reported missing last night by her husband, the um heart is not human though i’m guessing maybe a deer but i’m still waiting on the official report” Penelope said rushing in drawing everyone’s attention 

“i knew ms Brogans she was a science teacher, i was never in her classes though”

“so what’s the link between you two or did the unsub just grab her out of convenience” JJ said looking around 

“well whatever this is we have the case right?” Derek said looking at Penelope 

“ugh, yeah i just got off the phone with local law enforcement they actually want us on the case” 

_______________

you currently sat in the police precinct whilst your dad talked to some of the officers about the case, he didn’t want to leave you alone and since you are the key to this case you were forced to stay with him and Kate whilst the rest of the team went to your school to interview the staff 

“how are you holding up?” you looked up to see agent Callahan looking at you concerned, she’d only recently joined the team but you liked her, she had a sweet motherly vibe to her 

“um, i’m okay i guess, can’t say the same for the poor woman who was killed because of me.”

“don’t do that to yourself, her death wasn’t your fault”

“sure feels like it” you said sniffling as she put her hand on your shoulder 

“you can’t ever blame yourself for what other people do, you’re a victim too”

“we think the unsub may be a teenager is there anyone in school who has expressed extreme interest in you recently?” your dad said joining you and Kate 

“uh, i guess there’s a few but none stick out, the box in my locker and the heart seems like his way of asking me out, i wouldn’t be surprised if i haven’t even spoken to this person” 

“i think she’s right, this unsub doesn’t know how to express himself in a normal way he’s most likely too shy to approach her”

“agents, a body’s been found close to the school” the lead detective said reaching your group 

“the teacher?” Kate asked 

“no, this ones male.” 

________________

when the team was giving the profile something clicked in your brain and you remembered a kid named Matt in your year that sounded a lot like who they were describing 

“dad, i think i know who it is” you said walking into the briefing room “there’s this guy i have a few classes with him but we never talk because he’s super creepy, oh and his name is Matt”

“did you get that Garcia” your dad asked 

“yes sir i did and i am currently searching for all the Matt’s in y/n’s year, i’ll hit you up when i find something” she said before hanging up 

“i’m so stupid, i should have figured this out before and maybe coach would still be alive, or if i just talked to him ms Brogans wouldn’t have been killed” you said sitting down at the table 

“kid, you can’t seriously be blaming yourself right now” Morgan said 

“what happened isn’t your fault y/n/n and chances are if you talked to him he would have hurt you” your dad said with hurt in his eyes and you smiled sadly at the two of them still feeling guilty 

_______________

“okay so our unsub is one Matthew Jacobs and grab your tissues because this is a sad one, when he was 8 years old his parents died like murder suicide style the dad killed the mom and then himself and poor Matt was locked in the house with their bodies for 3 days before a neighbour came around to check on them, he then moved in with his grandparents, granpa died when he was 13 and get this he was sent to the er for a broken arm but it was written off as a biking accident but i highly doubt it considering the granpa was a known drunk by the neighbourhood, he was then raised by his grandma until she died last week” 

“that must have been the stressor” JJ said 

“Garcia how did the grandfather die?” Moragn asked

“oh he drank himself to death, wife called it in but he died in the hospital the same night”

“send me an address Garcia” your dad said standing up

“already done sir” she said hanging up 

______________

“we have a full confession sweetie, don’t worry he is going away for a long time” Kate said sitting next to you 

“why did he kill those people?”

“in his mind they got in the way of your love” you looked at her confused 

“how?” 

“well they found images of you in his locker and threatened to call the police which he saw as a threat so he killed them”

“what kind of images?”

“pictures of you around school, but like i said he can’t get to you anymore” she offered you a war smile which you then returned 

_____________

“everyone head home it’s been a long day.” you heard your dad say and saw the relief wash over everyone’s faces when they realise they can have a relaxing evening tonight, on their way out they said bye to you and the girls hung back to make sure you were okay before you reassured them that you would be fine and that they should head home and get some rest.

“Jack is with Jess for the night” you turned to see your dad 

“cool, again i’m so sorry for today”

“when will you stop apologising for this, baby none of this was your fault” he said cupping your face “since Jack’s away do you want to eat out, we could get Chinese i know that’s your favourite” he said trying to cheer you up 

“yes please” you said hugging him, which he returned gently rubbing your arm 

it all seemed to end happily but you couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt for those people that died because of you

______________________________________

send in requests please, especially hotch x daughter!reader because they’re a fun dynamic to write about 

#hotchner #hotch #aaron hotchner #Agent Hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner fluff #aaron hotchner x daughter!reader #Criminal Minds #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #criminal minds imagine #bau x reader #bau imagine

[evolmaze]

truth or drink

summary -  truth or dare never works out, but when you add drinking things just get worse

paring - han x reader ft. twice, the rest of stray kids, bts, and blackpink

genre - fluff, angst, comfort | friends to potential-lovers!au, nonidol!au

word count - 4.6k words

warnings - slight harassment and bullying by O.C. against reader, drinking, very minimal slut shaming of O.C., swearing

 masterlist

“I don’t even wanna go tonight,” Dahyun said, laying on your bed. “Who’s even going to be there?”

“The usual crowd I think, us girls, Han and his friends, Tae and his friends, and I think Jennie and Lisa are coming too,” you conclude, putting the finishing touches on your makeup.

“Ooh, I haven’t seen Jennie in ages,” Dahyun commented, suddenly sitting up. “I suppose I can make an appearance.”

“That’s more like it,” you laughed, turning around. “How do I look?”

“Absolutely stunning!” she cooed, “Han isn’t gonna know what he’s missing.”

You scoffed, “I’m not doing this for him, I’m doing this for myself.”

“Sure, sure, and you’re absolutely not wearing that blue sweater because he told you it looked nice on you last week?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Absolutely not,” you declared, though a slight red hue appeared on your face. “Come one we gotta go soon anyway. Party starts in 20 minutes.”

“No one ever shows up right away, Mina and Jihyo said they aren’t coming till closer to eight.” Dahyun whined, going into the closer to change.

“Yeah, but I promised Bang Chan and Felix I’d help set up, so unless you wanna find your own way there, you’re stuck with me,” you laughed, grabbing your jacket off your desk. Dahyun groaned, but reappeared minutes later, ready to go.

“Alrighty, let’s get this show on the road, shall we?”

______

“y/n, Dahyun, so glad you could be here to help!” Felix said as he opened the door, quick to grab a couple of bags from you and Dahyun. “Please, please come on in!”

“Thanks, Lix,” you said, closing the door behind. “Any word on when people are planning to show up?”

“It varies really, Tae and his friends said sometime around eight-ish, Changbin and Minho said they’d be here around 7:30, I’m assuming the girls will be here around then as well?”

“Yeah, Sana just texted me now, said they’ll be here in about 20,” Dahyun said, as she started taking bottles out of her backpack and adding them to the drink table.

“Oh that’s awesome, I’m so excited to see them!” you cheered, going over to help her. 

“Excited as you are to see Han?” she teased, nudging your shoulder as she poured a bottle of vodka into a giant container you had bought specifically for wop. Across the room, Felix chuckled as he untangled some cords for the sound system. 

“Oh my god, please shut up,” you plead, your face a slight hue of red as you unscrewed your own bottle. “It’s really not that big of a deal.”

“Sure, sure. Felix did you know that she literally hasn’t stopped talking about this party all week, seems a little coincidental that this also happens to be the first party Han has been able to come to since he left to go visit his parents,”

“I’m actually going to kill you,” you muttered, unable to keep a straight face as the two of them laughed. Dahyun may have had a point, Han had left two weeks ago to visit his parents, which meant you hadn’t seem him for a couple weeks due to conflicting schedules. You missed him, missed his jokes, his vibrant personality. You guys had met about six months ago when Dahyun invited you to a party at her place, and ever since then you guys had hit it off.

“Oh leave the poor girl alone won’t you?” Chan said as he entered the room, laptop in hand. “So she has a thing for the kid, it’s not like you two haven’t ever had a crush.”

“Yeah,” you chimed in, gracious for Chan’s appearance. “If I remember correctly Lix you had quite the infatuation for a certain barista down at Two Rivers, right?” You grinned at his red face, and inability to rebuttal, “and Dahyun,” you said, facing her. “Don’t make me bring up the infamous crush you had last fall-”

“Okay!” Dahyun said suddenly, smacking a hand over your mouth. “Point taken! Sorry y/n, you know I think it’s cute that you like him, I think y’all would be cute together! I’ll shut up now.”

You laughed, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, “Apology accepted, sorry for bringing up your past, I promise not to do it again, unless circumstances call for it.” you grinned, running away from her as she chased you with an empty bottle.

______

Music blared from the speakers in the backyard as you sat with Felix and Sana, currently exchanging your thoughts on the latest season of stranger things. “There’s no way Hopper’s actually dead,” you argued, taking a drink. “Why else would they include that clip of him in the promo?”

“I agree!” Sana said, “Plus that’d be so cruel for them to kill him off like that just as he and El were developing a real relationship!”

“Right, and I’d rather die than not see Hopper and Joyce get together, literally made for each other!” Felix agreed, the three of you laughed at his sudden outburst, but sudden stopped as Sana whispered.

“Who invited them here?” you turned towards the entrance of the house, and spotted exactly who she was talking about. Currently talking to Chan and Jennie were two girls who you had briefly met your freshmen year, they were awful; mean and cruel just for their own enjoyment. Unfortunately, at a school so small, circles overlapped, and somehow they ended up at this party.

“God, I hate them,” you muttered, taking another sip of your drink. You turned back around. “Think they’ll stay long?”

“Well Aria has a huge crush on Chan I think,” Felix said thoughtfully, “So yeah unfortunately.”

“Fantastic,” you muttered again, annoyed that you even had to be in the same room as them. It wasn’t that Aria and her friend Soon were ever mean to you directly. In fact, you even used to be friends with Soon a couple years ago, but times change, and so do people. While you had learned more about yourself and learned from your wrongdoings, Soon found Aria and together they adhered to this “preppy-high-school-mean-girl” bullshit attitude that never really wore off. 

“Oh don’t be sad, y/n! Look who just showed up,” Dahyun said suddenly as she appeared behind you, wiggling her eyebrows. You rolled your eyes at her as she sat down beside you, but turned around anyway, already knowing who had shown up.

Han Jisung walked through the doors and you hated to admit it, but your heart leaped out of your chest. It had been so long since you had seen him, and not to be cliché, but he was literally glowing. He looked amazing, his hair was still that same raven color you loved. You remembered when he had first dyed it two months ago, he was nervous to go back to a dark color after being blonde for so long, but you had assured him he looked good in any hair color.

“y/n, earth or y/n, hello?” Felix said, waving his hand in front of your face, you jumped, not realizing you had zoned out. Sana and Dahyun laughed as you blushed. “Sorry what?”

“I asked if you wanted to go grab a new drink?” Dahyun laughed, and you look down at your drink.

‘Yeah sure,” you agreed, laughing at yourself as you folllowed her back inside. You crossed the yard, mentally preparing youself to walk by Han, it was dumb, really. He was your friend, there was nothing to be personal about, but you’d be lying if you said he didn’t make you nervous. It wasn’t till a weeks ago that you had even developed these feelings for him, and if it wasn’t for a drunken night at Chan’s, no one would have even known you had felt that way, but when you’re drunk, your filter leaves you, and that night you spilled the beans to Dahyun, Sana, Felix, and Chan over a game of truth or dare. You tried to keep it lowkey, you did, but as you got to know him better, it was becoming harder and harder to avoid it.

Dahyun passed Han and Changbin as they talked on the porch, as you did the same someone grabbed your wrist, “y/n!” Han said, grinning from ear to ear. “Don’t think you could pass me and not say anything!”

You laughed, and looked at Dahyun who wiggled her eyebrows. “Changbin,” she said, looking past you. “Wanna help me grab some drinks?”

“Sure,” he agreed, brushing past you. “Nice to see you, y/n.”

“You too,” you said, taking his seat next to Han. “So, how was home?”

“It was great,” he said. ‘It was nice to see family and celebrate my grandma’s birthday, but I’m glad to be back.”

“I’m glad you’re back too,” you agreed. “Someone needs to be the life of the party.”

“Oh, you don’t think that Jin already has that handled?” he asked, and you both looked into the house, where he was currently, furiously rapping some song on the karaoke machine.

You laughed, “I’ll admit that he’s pretty chaotic when he wants to be, but there’s only one person I know who enjoys starting conga lines at the most random of times. Remember when you started one when we walked to the grocery store? People were so confused!” you said, and he laughed. 

“Well I’m glad someone appreciates my antics,” he grinned, taking a sip of his own drink. “What have you been up to since I last saw you?”

“Nothing too exciting, just the usual.”

“Bullshit, I follow your photography page, that place you went last week looked incredible, you’ll have to take me sometime,” he said, nudging your shoulder.

You blushed, “Ahh thanks, it was so pretty, a super nice hike too, you’d love it. The sunset there was incredible!”

“Well we’ll have to make sure we go at night then,” he mused, and you grinned.

“Oh absolutely, when are you free next week?” you asked, hoping to set something up, hanging out with Han one-on-one was a rare and fun occasion.

“Let me check,” he said, pulling out his phone. About to pull yours out, you suddenly hear the music cut out. A chorus of boos and cheers resounded throughout the party.

“Sorry everyone!” Chan said, mic in hand. “Aria and Soon here wanted me to let everyone know, that if you’re interested, there’s a game of truth or dare happening over here.”

You rolled your eyes, poor Chan, you looked over at Han. “Should we go save Chan from an evening of Aria’s torment and neverending questions?”

“Good idea,” he agreed, standing. “Ayo Seungmin, I.N., you guys wanna go play a couple rounds of truth or dare.”

“Why not?” Seungmin said, standing up, with I.N. following suite. Changbin and Dahyun appeared next to you, with a handful of drinks.

“So true or dare, huh?” Dahyun said. “Classic Aria.”

“It truly is her signature,” you agreed, grabbing two drinks from her and handing one to Han. “Let’s get this over with, yeah?”

You made your way over to the firepit where Aria and Chan sat, surround by some others. Jennie and Lisa sat to the left of Chan, while Seungmin and I.N. sat next to them. Soon was next to Aria, and Mina, Jihyo and Sana were next to her. You took a seat in between Dahyun and Han, and Changbin in between you three and Felix. The group waited as a few more people piled in, Jimin and Jungkook taking sets behind Changbin on the brick wall, and Hoseok and Tae taking up seats on the wall as well behind Chan.

‘“Let’s get started, shall we?” Aria said, scanning the group. “Felix, truth or dare?”

______

Numerous rounds had passed since you first sat down, and the rules were simple. If you didn’t want to answer a truth or do a dare, you had to take a shot, but the catch was you only got three shots per game. So far people had jumped into the pool while fully clothed, made out with random party goers, and made prank calls to people who weren’t at the party. So far, you had told everyone which professor you would sleep with if given the chance, called your good friend Solar to tell her her cat had ran away, and told everyone about your most embarrassing moment from 5th grade.

Currently, Tae was attempted to walk along the entire edge of the pool without falling in. “You got this, Tae!” Jimin cheered, getting everyone to start a chant of encouragement. You did your best ro hold in your laughter as Tae slipped at the last second and fell into the pool. A chorus of laughs resounded, and the game continued on.

By now, some people had left to get drinks or eat food, so the only people left were you, Han, Dahyun, Chan, Aria, Soon, Felix, Sana, Seungmin, and I.N.

“Aria, truth or dare?” Soon asked, taking a sip of her drink.

“Dare, obviously.” Aria said, a tone of cockiness in her voice. “Truth’s are loser who enjoy being an open book,” she commented, glancing in your direction. You rolled your eyes, taking another sip of your drink.

“Takes one to know one,” you muttered under your breath, across the fire, Chan chuckled, amused at your lack of filter coming out.

“What was that?” Aria said, obviously irritated that Chan had laughed at your retort.

“Oh, nothing.” you said, looking up at her as she glared daggers into your eyes. “Soon what’s her dare?”

“Aria, I dare you to make out with Chan!” she said excitedly, and the rest of the group, minus Aria, groaned.

“Shocker,” Dahyun said, and you looked over at Chan who looked less than thrilled to be in this position. 

“Hey don’t make him do something he doesn’t want to do,” you chimed in, worried about Aria’s influence over your friend.

“It’s okay, y/n.” Chan said, taking a quick shot. “I can handle her.”

You sighed, and took a long sip of your drink as the two of them made out for the next 15 seconds or so, as they pulled apart Aria looked at you. “Yeah, y/n, Channie’s a big boy, he can handle himself. Plus he’d probably prefer a girl with experience anyway, unlike you.”

You rolled your eyes for what seemed to be the millionth time that night, “Sorry Chan, just looking out for you, didn’t want you to get an STD or something.”

Alcohol had this affect on you that sometimes you didn’t realize what you were saying until you had said it, as the words left your mouth, you instantly regretted them due to the way Aria started you down, a look of hatred in her eyes. Around you, everyone lost their minds at your reply, some congratulating you on your comeback, others looking shocked the words even came out of your mouth. You weren’t sure how to feel, on one hand Aria deserved a taste of her own medicine for how she belittled every person she ever met that didn’t meet her standards, but also you were never one to slut-shame, so who knows what came over you. Beside you, Dahyun was laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes, and Han looked so shocked you weren’t sure whether it was a good thing or bad thing.

Aria narrowed her eyes at you, unsure of what had come over you, but sure of what her next move was going to be, ”y/n, truth or dare?”

“Uh-” you started. 

“Don’t bother answering, I’ll pick for you since I already know the answer: truth. y/n, tell me, what’s it like to be a lonely virgin, with no romantics pursuits besides having a crush on a close friend who doesn’t even think of you that way?”

The group quieted down pretty quick after that, you stiffened, shocked she had said that, confused how she even knew that, but mostly concerned of where this was going to go. You were sure that if someone took a photo of you now, you would look like a ghost. Aria cocked an eyebrow at you, “Oh y/n,” she feigned concerned. “Cat got your tongue? Need some help with that? Must be tough to like someone who doesn’t even think of you that way, right? Who goes away for weeks and doesn’t even text you? Let alone think of you in any other way besides a friend. You can call me a slut all you want, but at least I get the things I want, I don’t sit around and wait for them to happen like some stupid hopeless romantic. At least boys answer my texts, what do you get? A pity reply to one of your numerous attempts at a real relationship with him?”

“Aria, shut the fuck up.” Dahyun said beside you, you were frozen in spot, so utterly humiliated, but also amazed at her level of intel, how the hell did she find out?

“Why?” Aria asked. “It’s okay for y/n to blatantly slut-shame me in front of my crush, that I can’t expose her in front of hers?”

“That’s not the point-’” Dahyun said, anger seething from her body. You put a hand on your shoulder.

“It’s fine,” you said, trying you best to remain calm. “I mean she right, right? What I did was a low-bow, and I’m truly sorry, Aria.” you said, trying to look as sincere as possible despite your mental stability rapidly declining. “It’s only fair you attack right back, but if you don’t mind, I think we’re pretty even now; I think I’ve heard enough.” You finished, your voicing cracking slightly at the end. You quickly got up, and made your way inside the house, ignoring the calls from the rest of the group.

As you entered the house, you got some looks from everyone you passed. Some concerned, some confused, and some just straight up lost as to why you were running through the house crying.

It was your own fault this had happened, you knew Aria was the type to have dirt on everyone, so why didn’t you think about the fact that’d she have dirt on you? You shouldn’t have even responded to her, no matter how much she got under your skin, Aria always won every battle she started, but you never expected her to rebuttal with things so cruel and close to your heart. You just hoped people were too distracted to piece together the underlying meaning.

Your phone buzzed rapidly in your pocket, a call from Dahyun on the screen. You sighed, and picked up the call. “Hey-”

“Are you okay? I swear to god I’ll kill her for saying those things about you! That was so fucked up, you made one comment and she spilled your entire load of dirty laundry for everyone to hear. Where are you? We should go home, forget-”

“Dahyun, slow down.” you laughed, feeling a little less awful than you did before. “I’m in the bathroom, I’ll be back out in a little bit, no need to have Aria ruin this whole party for us.”

“Oh that’s good, I’m glad your okay,” she said. “Aria’s gone anyway, after her little performance, Soon and Chan convinced her to go home for the night. The bitch was too intoxicated to form a coherent thought after she used them all on you.”

You laughed at that, “Serves her right, I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Sounds good, bye!” she agreed, hanging up the phone. You looked in the mirror, wiping off your mascara that had run onto your face. You pondered how the rest of the night would go, everyone had heard the embarrassing details of your life, but on the other hand, fuck Aria and fuck her for trying to ruin a perfectly good night. Yeah she every right to be upset at you, but unlike her, you could bounce back from this, you determined. How would things go with Han? You had no idea, you suppose it depending on his ability to read between the lines, and whether or not he was too intoxicated to do that or not. 

“It was what it is at this point, I guess.” you said to yourself, accepting your fate, whatever it may be. It was odd, you had always imagined that your crush finding out you like them would be mortifying, but you felt oddly calm, maybe it’s because you knew thing would be okay. You had great friends, supportive friends who would stand by you no matter what, and even if Han did know, you knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t be mean about it, maybe weirded out, but that was only temporary, cause at least then you’d have closure and could move on. 

You exited the bathroom, ready to get another drink and hang with Dahyun and Felix, and everyone else if they were still around.

“y/n!” Sana yelled from the end of the hallway, running up to you. “Are you okay? God I can’t believe Aria did that, she’s awful, I’m so sorry.”

“I’m fine, really.” you assured her. “Aria’s a bitch, but it’s not like I didn’t have it coming with what I had said to her.”

“I guess, but she said some really personal things that weren’t her business at all. Everyone knows that she gets around here and there, she even admitted it! You weren’t saying things we didn’t already know,” she said, looking annoyed. “But if you’re fine, then so am I. Wanna grab another drink?” 

“Yes, please.” you laughed, following her into the living room. As you were there getting drinks, you assured many people that were at the fire that you were okay, and you didn’t need them to kill Aria for you.

“y/n!” you stopped talking to Sana and Changbin, and turned around to see Chan, he looked frazzled, a look of worry on his face. “Can we talk?” he asked, you bid your goodbyes to Sana and Changbin, and followed Chan back outside.

“What’s up?” you asked.

“First I wanna say I’m so sorry for Aria’s behavior, I know it doesn’t mean much, but she was pretty drunk, but I’m not sorry that I didn’t do anything to stop it. I’m the reason she was even here, and it’s not cool that she did that to you.”

“Chan, Chan, it’s fine, really. Aria isn’t your responsibility, you’re not her dad or boyfriend, so you couldn’t have predicted she would have done that. I accept your apology, but there’s no need for it, truly.” you assured him, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

“Okay, good. The other reason I wanted to talk to you was because of that,” he said, gesturing over his shoulder to the fire. At the fire was Han, Felix and Dahyun sat with him, but he looked distant. It didn’t seem like he was paying them any attention. 

“Is he okay?” you asked. You felt bad, this was your fault.

“Dahyun, Felix, and I have been trying to talk to him, get him to come inside, but he isn’t really speaking to anyone. We all figured he might talk to you; but only if you’re comfortable doing so.” Chan explained, you nodded. “Of course, he’s still my friend.”

Chan and you walked over to the fire, and as soon as Felix and Dahyun saw you were with him, they stood up, leaving with Chan. As Dahyun passed you, she whispered in your ear. “I think he’s just confused is all.” You nodded, understanding.

Han didn’t look up as you sat down, just kept staring into the fire. You weren’t sure what to do, it wasn’t as if you had done any malicious to him in any way, but you’d also understand if he didn’t want anything to do with you. 

“I’m sorry,” you said, breaking the silence; he didn’t look up. You sighed, “I know you must feel really weird with everything that Aria had said, I swear I didn’t know she was going to say that stuff at all; I honestly don’t know how she found out, but I’m sorry that that indirectly put you in a weird position.”

“Why are you sorry?” he muttered. “It’s not like you asked her to do it.”

“No I didn’t, but what she said involved you, and that’s something you should have heard from me, privately, not in front of all our friends at a bonfire,” you reasoned, nervously chuckling at the hilarity of it all. Who would have thought this was how you night would end? “So, I’m sorry.”

Han put his head in hands, running his fingers through his hair. He sighed, “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“I-uh, I don't know,” you stuttered, unsure of what to say. “I didn’t want to make things weird, change our friendship in any way. I like being your friend, and we hadn’t been friends for that long when I first realized, so I choose not to say anything in order to keep being your friend. If I’m honest, I thought I’d get over it by now.”

“You thought something like that would end our friendship?” he asked, looking up at you. “y/n, that’s crazy.”

“Well, I don't know!” you exclaimed, “How could I be sure how you’d react? We aren’t exactly best friends, and I hadn’t seen you in awhile, so it felt awkward to hang around after she had said that. Figured it would be easier to leave so you wouldn’t be obligated to talk about it if you didn’t want to. I’m sorry if I hurt you, or made things confusing, that wasn’t my intention, I just didn't know what to do.”

“It’s okay,” he said. “I get it, feelings are weird, and you can never be sure how things will turn out, but I still wish you would have said something, don’t you trust me?”

“Han, we may be friends, and I do trust you, but this is probably the one thing I wouldn’t have told you about.” you laughed awkwardly. “Usually people don’t tell their crushes they like them till they’re sure their crush feels the same.”

He blushed, “Ah yeah, that’s a good point, but hey! Who’s to say I don’t feel the same.”

You paused, “You like me?” What was happening right now?

“Well maybe, I don’t know!” he laughed nervously turning an even darker shade of red, and you chuckled. “I feel like we’ve become better friends lately, and I like having you around, like spending time with you. I don’t wanna rush into anything, but I would be down to start hanging out more one on one.”

You smiled, “I feel the same. I don’t want to rush things either, and I’d rather us both be on the same page about it if this does become something in the future.”

“Well I hope it at least means we’ll become better friends,” he said hopefully. 

“Me too,” you agreed, feeling a weight being lifted off you shoulders.

“But I could be okay with us being in a relationship too, I suppose.” he mused, pretending to look thoughtful. You laughed, and lightly kicked his foot.

“I suppose I could be okay with that too,” you joked, and he grinned. “Well if you’re up for it, the offer to go hiking still stands.”

“Let’s do it!” he said excitedly. “We can take some sick pics at the top too!”

“Oh absolutely,” you grinned. “I’d love nothing more.” Han smiled at you, a glint of something promising in his eyes. Everything was going to be fine, you could feel it.

______

a/n: hope y’all like this one, it took a different turn than I thought it was going to, but I still like how it turned out!

#han jisung #skz #skz han jisung #kim dahyun #dahyun #sana #changbin #bang chan #seungmin #i.n stray kids #stray kids #stray kids fluff #stray kids angst #stray kids comfort #stray kids han jisung #stray kids lee minho #stray kids kim seungmin #stray kids i.n. #stray kids seo changbin #stray kids felix #twice sana #twice dahyun #bts #bts imagines #skz imagines #twice imagines #stray kids imagines #han imagines #friends to lovers #friends to lovers imagines

[ladycatofwinterfell]

Dealing with the consequences, part 2

Summary: One day, six months after they move into their new house, Ned and Cat wake up to an unfortunate surprise. This small and seemingly insignificant event sets things into motion, and they try their best to repair what they can despite that they have messed up before. Because maybe, just maybe, they can do things a little bit better that time around. And you know what they say, third time’s the charm.

Consequences

This chapter will be entirely from Cat's POV, and I plan to make the next one all about Ned, but we'll see about that. Anyway, hope you like it <3

“Hello, Ned” Minisa said when Ned came inside.

 Catelyn was glad for that only her mother had come. It would have been a lot harder if she had brought Dad as well. He and Ned didn’t really get along. He didn’t know everything and had therefore immediately jumped to the conclusion that it was Ned that had wronged his daughter in some way, and not the other way around. Mom was kinder and for that Catelyn was immensely grateful. She loved her father but sometimes he made things a lot harder than they had to be. 

 “Hello, Minisa.”

 Minisa had Sansa on her lap and was gently bouncing the overjoyed baby up and down. Sansa had previously spent ten minutes trying to eat her grandma’s hair.

 “Is it okay if we eat?” Catelyn asked. “I’m quite hungry.”

 “I’m gonna leave soon, I just wanted to see how you’re doing.”

 For just a second Catelyn got eye contact with Ned over her Mom’s shoulder as he walked into the kitchen to get plates for them. The scent of something that smelled much like her favorite pasta was filling the room and she had to hold back a smile. He knew just what she liked.

 “We’re doing fine” she assured her mother. 

 They were doing fine. A bit of uncertainty, a dash of conflicted feelings, a few unsolved problems. But fine. Maybe no more than fine, but definitely fine. They did their things, raised their kids, lived their lives. 

 “Except for the kitchen, of course” she added.

 They were definitely not doing fine on that point. 

 “Yes, what is your plan for that?”

 “I’ve been looking at some options today while Ned was at work, but we’re gonna talk more about it.”

 It had been deadly dull and she wasn’t looking forward to sitting down with Ned and look into it more, but it would probably be a little more bearable than doing it alone. Sansa really hadn’t been of much help. 

 “Would you like any help with that?” Minisa asked and smiled.

 She smiled like Catelyn was a child who had no idea of that she was doing. Sure, she had no idea at all of what she was doing sometimes, but she was an adult and could figure it out. 

 “No, we have this.”

 The last thing they needed was family members coming with more or less, most often less, helpful advice. It would only stress them. The only one she took advice from was Cersei, which was strange considering where that had taken her. But at least Cersei didn’t pretend that her advice was great advice and that she always knew best... Who was Catelyn trying to fool, she definitely did that. Maybe she was just supposed to stop taking advice.

 “Okay.”

 That smile didn’t go away. 

 “Don’t look at me like that” Catelyn said firmly.

 Perhaps a little bit firmer than intended, but that pitiful gaze was driving her nuts. 

 “I’m not looking at you in any particular way” Minisa said, raising her eyebrows. 

 “But you are” Catelyn sighed. “And I know all of you doubt everything I do, and that you have done so since I had Robb, but can you please not? Because I’m sick of it.”

 It wasn’t doing any damage to anyone. Her son was a happy child, her daughter would be as well because no matter what she would be loved and cared for. And she knew what her situation must have looked like from the outside, but she was so goddamn tired of people judging without knowing a damn thing. 

 “Oh Cat, we don’t doubt you. We know you always try to do the right thing and that you’re doing your best, as we all are...” she paused, waved a hand through the air, and when she spoke again she had lowered her voice. “But are you really fine? Are you happy?”

 Catelyn had to keep in a number of angry responses. She couldn't really be angry because of course her mother would be worried. That was what mothers did, they worried. Catelyn worried for Robb, she worried for Sansa, she understood. But the small difference was that her kids were still kids, while she herself was a grown woman.

 “I am” she said. “My kids are happy pills and I have the luck to live with a man who is probably a better person to live with than most. And I have a good job, and friends, so I don’t have much to complain about.”

 She definitely wasn’t unhappy. Of course everything didn’t feel great all the time, but she was building with what she had. And that was fine. Not fantastic, but fine. She had a few things to complain about, but not enough for there to be a serious problem. Okay, there was a pretty serious problem, but she couldn't acknowledge that without Ned and he pretty much refused to acknowledge that.

 “Okay.”

 Her mother was smiling again. But it wasn’t the same smile as before, and that was a relief.

 “I think I should get home to your father now, but it was nice to see you and little Sansa again.”

 “It was nice seeing you too” Catelyn said.

 Seeing her family was always nice, her mother’s timing just hadn’t been ideal. There was a lot of feelings going on. 

 “You don’t need to hide anymore, she’s gone!” she shouted at Ned once the door had closed behind Minisa.

 He had been in the kitvhen for much longer than necessary and she knew perfectly well why.

 “Oh thank the gods!”

 She had to laugh at that. 

They discussed what she had been looking at during the day while they ate. She had been right about the pasta, and it was just as amazing as usual. They got somewhere with what they were going to do an everything felt a little better when they agreed about it. She wished that could have applied to other discussions as well, but she had to do with what she got. At least the kitchen would be fixed.

 “We’ll have to take everything out tomorrow or Sunday if they’re gonna be here Monday” Ned said.

 “We should turn off the electricity in the kitchen as soon as possible, so I think we should do it tomorrow” Catelyn responded through a mouthful of pasta. 

 “We’ll have to move the fridge and the freezer out here.”

 “Ah, damnit, as if the table wasn’t enough.”

 After dinner she handed their daughter to Ned and then she had a shower. She had been longing for that shower all day, there hadn’t really been time for it and Sansa was never too happy when Catelyn showered. 

She came down the stairs half an hour later to a sight so perfect that she had to stop for a moment. It really was a dangerous thing, living together. Because then she could see stuff like that and be hit straight in the face with the desire to have it like that always. They were a family, that was true, but she wished it could have been full circle. She wished she could have looked at the man lying on the couch with their baby and think “that’s my husband and our baby”. Instead it was just “that’s the man I have a messed up relationship with and our baby”. She wished they could have been something to each other as well, she wished things had been different. 

 “Say whatever you want about the mess we created, but we do make cute babies” Ned said, looking at the small bundle sleeping on his chest. 

 When they had been together long ago he had never expressed a wish to have children. He had actually seemed quite opposed to it. That had been one of the reasons for why she had done as she did. But just that second she couldn’t understand how she had ever thought that, because the way he looked at their daughter was so soft and loving. He was a great father. What she was looking at was the way it was supposed to be.

 “Yeah. We do.”

 The knowledge of that they could make good things as well, that not everything they did together ended up being terrible, made her happy. They had made Sansa. And Robb, but Robb was different. Robb was hers. Sansa was theirs. And she was perfect, Catelyn could look at her for hours. She had looked at Robb that way when he was a baby as well. 

 “I’m a bit amazed by it” she added. “That we created her.”

 “I’d love to take some credit for this lovely little thing, but it was mostly you.”

 “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

 He had given her Sansa, and he had been with her through almost everything despite that he had been very angry at her. And she most likely wouldn’t have been able to take care of another baby completely on her own, no matter what she had thought in the beginning. Or, well, she would have been able to do it, the question was about whether or not she would have been fine while doing it.

Catelyn sat on the edge of the couch and laid a hand on Sansa’s back. She was so tiny. Robb had been much bigger. 

 “I had almost forgotten what it feels like to have a small baby” Ned said. 

 “Me too. She’s entirely dependent on us. We are necessary for her survival.”

 “That’s crazy.”

 She looked at him. He turned his eyes from Sansa and to her. But that thing in his eyes, the one she associated with how he watched her daughter, the one she associated with love, that thing was still there. 

 “It’s nice though, isn’t it?” Catelyn said softly. “Being that important to someone.”

 “It is.”

 She couldn’t help but smile, and when he smiled as well she had to look away. Damnit. What was she playing at, what was she trying to do? What was he trying to do?

 “I should put her to bed.”

 When she reached for Sansa he took one of her hands and held it. She met his eyes once more.

 “Ned. We really shouldn’t...”

 “I know, I know.”

 She carefully took their daughter and held the still sleeping baby to her chest. She could feel how Sansa breathed steadily. It was always calming to feel that since she was still in the phase when she was constantly terrified of that her baby would just stop breathing and die. 

Ned sat up. That brought him much closer to her, she could almost feel the heat radiating from his body. 

 “Why do you want to?” she asked, keeping her gaze on Sansa. “You haven’t forgiven me, we haven’t fixed anything, why do you want to?”

 He was quiet and Catelyn was just about to leave the couch and take Sansa upstairs when he answered. 

 “I don’t know. Why do you want to?”

 She could answer that question in a heartbeat. 

 “Because I miss you.”

 She did. She missed him. He was right there, but not like he had been before. And that was her own fault. Everyone could have been happy if it had not been for what she did. 

 “I miss you too.”

 Why had he said that? Anything else would have been better, anything else would have made it easier to stay away. 

 “How can you do that when you hate me?” she asked. 

 “I don’t hate you. I hate what you did, I’m angry and I won’t forgive you, but I don’t hate you.”

 “It sure as hell would have been easier if you did.”

 He chuckled at that. But it wasn’t a happy sound. 

 “I don’t know if I’m able to. Sometimes I wish that I could, but I can’t. You did something to me that hurt me and still I can’t hate you. Maybe that is the reason for why I want to.”

 That made no sense at all. But nothing ever really made sense. Or maybe it did and she just couldn’t understand it. At least she wasn’t alone in that, she had a strong feeling of that he probably understood nothing as well. 

 “Because you can’t hate me?”

 “Clearly there is something about you that stops me from that, no matter if I like it or not.”

 Despite that everything in her screamed at her not to do it, she leaned a bit closer to him. She couldn’t do that, she couldn’t, but she wanted to. It felt like she had never wanted something more.

 “I can’t” she forced out. “This won’t make anything better.” 

 If anything it could make everything worse. 

 “No, but what can make things better?” he sighed.

 She had asked herself that question a million times. What could make it better? She didn’t know. He almost refused to talk about it, gave her nothing on what she was supposed to do. It felt like she was walking in a dark room with no way of knowing where the light switch was. What she did know was that she was incredibly tired of it. It was draining. She was the one who had turned off the lights, but she was still tired of it. 

She moved away from him again. 

 “Am I supposed to answer that? I’m not the one who won’t talk.”

 And suddenly his face was no longer soft, but hard and cold as the northern winter. 

 “Have you considered that maybe trusting you is a bit hard after you kept a child secret?”

 “I’m not asking you to trust me, I’m asking you to talk to me. This is the closest we have been to a meaningful conversation in more than a year. I just want to know what you want me to do.”

 “I don’t want you to do anything. You have messed up enough as it is.”

 All that worked as quite a reminder of why she had not said anything about that earlier. They wouldn’t get anywhere with that, there was no point in trying. And she didn’t want to fight, she didn’t have the energy for that, so she simply stood up and took Sansa upstairs to her crib. 

Catelyn stayed in her room for the remainder of that evening. It was better than risking anything. He didn’t want to fight either, she was well aware of that. But it was hard, and multiple times she found herself almost going to him. To apologize, or try to talk again, or anything, really. She didn’t know what she wanted to do, but she wanted to do something. The fact that she had no idea about what to do ached in her. She hated not having a grip of the situation. 

And when she heard him come up the stairs she just couldn’t stop herself. She opened the door, but he walked right past her. 

 “I would take it back if I could” she said, leaning against the doorframe. “And I’m sorry.”

 Ned stopped. He didn’t turn to look at her, but he sighed. 

 “I know you are because I know you’re not a bad person. You never meant to hurt anyone, but here we are.”

 It was slowly killing her to see him hurt so. It hurt in her as well. Because she loved him. She had denied it for quite some time, but she did love him. Otherwise it wouldn’t have hurt so much. Otherwise the guilt wouldn’t have been eating her up from the inside. 

 “Here we are” she mumbled and once again wondered where they would have been if it had been different.

 “Loving you is undoubtedly the hardest thing I have ever done.”

 She could say the same. Loving him was the hardest thing she had ever done. But she loved him all the same. 

 “Don’t you mean it was? It should be past tense.”

 “No.”

 That didn’t make any– oh. Oh. 

 “Ned.”

 He loved her. And she loved him. Catelyn had never experienced a stranger emotion than the mix of joy and sorrow that filled her at that realization. It was supposed to be a good thing, and to some extent it was, but at the same time it kept them from going forward. 

Ned just continued to his room, not looking back at her. That time she didn’t hesitate before following him, she couldn’t leave it there. 

 “Ned” she repeated, laying a hand on his shoulder to stop him. 

 “Cat” he responded.

 When he turned around he was so close to her that she could almost feel his breath on her face. 

 “I’m sorry” she whispered and turned her gaze to the floor. “I’m so sorry.”

 She didn’t know what she was apologizing for. For keeping the secret for so long, for showing up at his house one day without a warning, for partaking in the affair, for that he still loved her. Maybe it was all of it. Maybe it was something entirely different. 

He leaned his forehead against hers and she could feel the tears in her eyes. Why did it have to be so hard? Why couldn’t it be easy? She was exhausted. 

 “I love you, and I miss you” Ned said. “That is why.”

 The only thing Catelyn could do in response to that was kiss him. It wasn’t accidental, it wasn’t something she did in confusion, she did it because she wanted to. Because she believed he wanted to as well. And it felt just as good as she had imagined when he pulled her closer to him and deepened the kiss. 

 ~*~

 She had not meant to fall asleep afterwards. She had meant to go to her room and sleep there. But still she woke to the sound of Sansa’s cries and did not realize where she was at first. It took her a moment to understand to who that warm arm around her belonged to.

Ned stirred when she moved away from him and climbed off the bed. She began gathering up her clothes from the floor. It definitely was time to move back to her bedroom and she might just as well do it when she had to go to Sansa.

 “I can take her” Ned offered.

 “No” Catelyn said, perhaps a bit too quickly. “I’ll do it. I should get back to my room anyway.”

 She left before he had time to say anything else. The night before she had been too caught up in the moment to feel ashamed about it. But after that sated bliss had left her she could look at it in another light. Last time things had ended so terribly bad. And the circumstances were very different that time around, sure, but still something tightened in her chest. How would he feel about it? Would he regret it? Would he regret sleeping with her again after what she had done? She didn't want to go back to how it had been between them mere months earlier.

She held Sansa in her arms and kissed the top of her little head. She wasn’t hungry and was quite quickly soothed back to sleep. But Catelyn wasn’t quick to put her down. 

She half expected Ned to come after her. Or maybe she just wished he would. She didn’t know. But he never came and in the end she put Sansa down and crawled into her own bed. And she couldn’t help but thinking of that morning in the kitchen when he had made her pancakes. It had been more than a year since that. And a lot had happened. But she felt the same as she had felt then. She wanted to be with him. All of him. They were living together, she had been in his bed just minutes earlier. It was more than she had had back then, before Sansa. But she still didn’t have every part of him. And she was very sure of that he would never give it all to her. She understood that, and she was aware of that she had fucked up badly. But it still hurt. 

 Catelyn had slept little when morning came, Sansa had refused to sleep longer than an hour at a time, which was unusual. But Catelyn still wasn’t that tired. And she heard when Ned passed her door and walked down the stairs. Always the early riser. Even up earlier than the baby. 

She wanted to stay in bed longer. Because she had no idea about what to do or say when she saw him. It had been fine. Why had they decided to throw sex into the mix as well and shake everything up? She didn’t know. But it had felt so damn good that she was almost ready to take every consequence there was just for more of it. And they loved each other. 

After a while Sansa decided that it was time to get up for them too. So Catelyn fed her and then took her downstairs. 

 “Mornin’” Ned said when she came downstairs. 

 He didn’t look up from the newspaper he was reading. Was he as stressed about all of it as she was? Or was he as calm as he seemed? She genuinely had no idea. Lately it had been very hard to understand his feelings and what he wanted. She just didn't want them to hurt each other because of it.

 “Good morning” she responded as she put Sansa in her chair. 

 It felt a bit weird to have the kitchen table in the living room, but they would have all of their kitchen in the living room in a day when they started renovating the kitchen. 

Ned put away his newspaper and directed his attention towards Sansa instead. He was great at keeping her in a good mood. 

The morning slowly passed. They did some cleaning, which was a hundred times easier when Robb and Jon weren’t home. Lovely lads, but terrible at putting things away. And Catelyn had not even reflected over that they had baby stuff literally everywhere, but she did when she was picking it all up. She could only imagine what it would be like once Sansa learned to walk. 

It was actually quite nice. They didn’t talk much, but it didn’t feel bad at all. He even smiled at her occasionally so he couldn’t hate it too much, right? It could go well. 

After lunch they took boxes down from the attic and began packing down things they had in the kitchen. Catelyn was surprised by how many things they had after only having lived there for half a year. They were just taking a break when she got a messege

 haven't seen you in a while, wanna take a walk or something?

 The timing for that couldn't have been better and an hour later Catelyn found herself walking towards the little coffee shop a few blocks from their house so that she could get some desperately needed coffee before meeting up with Cersei. Ned had happily taken Sansa for an hour so that she could go out for a walk, he was probably glad to be rid of her for a while. He probably needed some time to reflect, just as she did. It had been hard to do so while being just a few meters apart.

 “Well, don’t you look miserable?” was the first thing Cersei said. “Baby keeping you awake?”

 “Among other things” Catelyn responded and took a sip of her coffee.

 She regretted it when she burned her tongue and pulled a face. She should have known that she had to wait until it cooled down a bit. But she should have known that last night as well. And that hadn’t exactly stopped her. 

 “And your kitchen flooded. You’re really living the dream life.”

 Catelyn had to smile. She was living quite the opposite of the dream life. 

 “Fucked up relationship, flooded kitchen, kids that won’t sleep, people wish they were me.”

 Cersei snorted. 

 “You still call that a relationship?”

 She hesitated for a moment. Was it a good idea to tell Cersei about it? She didn’t want to keep it to herself, but it was still so new, she didn’t know what to do with it. But what would change if she told Cersei? Nothing. So she decided to go for it.

 “I don’t know what else to call it.”

 “Have you considered dating or seeing someone else?”

 She had absolutely not considered that. Who would have wanted her anyway? She was living with an ex and three children between the ages of ten and five months. So even if she had been interested in that the situation really wasn’t ideal for it.

 “No. And he told me he loves me last night. I don’t know what that makes it, but it sure is something.”

 She had expected some sort of reaction from Cersei, but the blonde only shrugged. 

 “Huh, I thought it would take longer.”

 And what exactly did Cersei mean by that?

 “What?”

 “I knew it would come sooner or later, but not this soon. Ned’s a stubborn son of a bitch.”

 Catelyn had to stop and look at her. That it would come sooner or later? Had she not listened when Catelyn told her about what had happened before? Ned had barely spoken to her for weeks, had refused to meet her eyes. There had been no sign of love, no sign of that they could ever be what they had been before. How could she have expected that?

 “How could you have known that?” she exclaimed. 

 “Because I’ve been observing this relationship for years now, darling” Cersei laughed. “And no matter what happens you two always manage to snake your way back to each other. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or not, I’m just saying that’s how it is.”

 It would have felt better if she could dismiss that as something that wasn’t true, but Catelyn knew it was. Nothing had ever stopped them before so she probably should have expected it to happen. She should have been ready. She hadn’t been ready. Not for him telling her that he loved her. 

 “I don’t know if it’s a good thing either” she sighed. “It just feels like we’re digging through rock bottom together.”

 “That’s not great.”

 “No. I thought that maybe it was about to get better now, that maybe we could finally move forward, but instead we just fell down the hole. Again. And I can’t even be mad about it because I love him.”

 She didn’t want to feel that way, but she did. It should have been a good thing, love was a good thing, and how many nights had she not dreamt of them being happy with each other again? But that was the thing, she had dreamt of happiness. And at the moment their love didn’t make any of them happy. At least Ned wasn’t happy. And how could he ever be? When he loved the woman who had wronged him so terribly. It would have been a lot more welcome if they had talked more first, and actually started fixing their relationship.

 “Maybe admitting that you love each other is what it takes for you to start digging upwards instead of downwards” Cersei said, sounding way too optimistic for Catelyn’s liking. 

 She couldn’t escape the feeling of that his feelings for her made him unhappy. That he disliked it. And it was hard to blame him for it. She just didn't want to hurt him more. She couldn't stand the thought of making things worse for him.

 “I guess you could fix this if you want to. But the question is whether or not it’s a good idea.”

 Catelyn had to believe it was a good idea. For the sake of her children. And for hers and Ned's sake. She wanted it to work so badly that it ached in her. And if they fucked up yet another time she would never forgive herself. 

 “I don’t know if he wants to. We’re in the same house because of the kids, not because he wants a relationship.”

 It was fully possible that it had made him realize that he didn't want it at all and that he didn't want it to be more than a thing that happened once. She didn't want to dive right into it if he was going to back out as soon as it was brought up again.

 “You haven’t talked to him?” Cersei asked, seemingly surprised.

 “No. We tried to talk, got irritated with each other, I apologized and he told me he loves me and then–“ she stopped herself from finishing that sentence. 

 Cersei laughed again.

 “I knew it!”

 “Oh shut up, that’s really not important.”

 The important part was literally everything but that. But she would have to talk to Ned about everything, she understood that. He understood it as well. Because they couldn’t just leave it there. Some things they just had to deal with as soon as possible. 

They should have had that conversation the first thing that morning, but they hadn’t. They had had a good time instead. 

 “The mood was good this morning though, so maybe I shouldn’t be so pessimistic” she added. “I don’t know, I’m not brave enough to hope for anything because if I get my hopes up and it falls apart yet another time I’m gonna lose my mind.”

 “I believe you shouldn’t think too much on it before you have actually talked about it with him. Because worrying isn’t doing anything good for you.”

 “You’re probably right. I just don’t want us to go into it too fast and end up messing things up for ourselves and our kids.”

 “I get that, Cat. But you really should talk to each other. I’m definitely no relationship expert, I have my fair share of mistakes regarding that, but even I can see that you two fucking suck at talking.”

 "Oh believe me, I know."

 But she was going to talk to him because walking around and being uncertain was quickly becoming unbearable.

#catelyn stark #catelyn tully #ned stark #ned x cat #minisa tully #cersei lannister #sansa stark #consequences #dealing with the consequences #i was planning to post earlier but i got distracted by a friend so im sorry about that but here's the chapter

[robinofinashiro]

- request: this was written for a friend on twitter. don’t worry, I will get to everyones request as soon as possible! just wanted to get this out because she had asked a few days before most requests came in and I’ve made her wait long enough for it. sorry for the wait Kiaria and I hope you like it! 

- pairing: kuroo testurou x fem! reader

- request status: closed 

“If I fail science, just tell my mom that she has every right to bury me in the backyard,” Kuroo rolled his eyes before flashing that sly smirk of his, “you can’t tell me anything because you’re a fucking science whiz. you’re not the one failing chemistry with a 59%.”

you rolled your head back against the wooden chair, groaning as if you were in pain. Kuroo looked over the table to see the failed exam sitting on top of your Chemistry book. 

“stop being dramatic, let me look at your exam,” before you could even protest, Kuroo reached over to snatch it. you sat in the chair, pouting as he scanned it, “well a lot of your mistakes came from the final step in most of the equations, that’s why your answer came out wrong.”

grabbing a red marker from the side of his backpack, Kuroo circled the mistakes, “you keep repeating the same step twice! now this is how you do it,” as Kuroo went into full detail, you tried to focus in on what he was telling you but most of the explanation went through one ear and out the other. 

you sighed, not bothering to even pay attention anymore. you knew the more Kuroo explained it to you, the more you would become distracted. being that you and him were in the same class, the two of you became friends since the beginning of your first year. 

on some occasions, Kuroo would ask you to come to one of his games, playfully begging you to wear his jersey. other times, he made you become the teams unofficial manager because no one ever took the position to become their permanent one. 

you spent a lot of time with Kuroo which only intensified your crush on him. you had no idea if he even returned the feelings for you but considering he hardly let you out of his sight on his down time, you only hoped he did. 

“you’re making it even harder to study, you ass!” you exclaimed, shoving him. well, you weren’t wrong. being with Kuroo made it hard to do anything, especially studying, “oh yeah, how?” he asked lowly. 

you were stuck between words, not wanting to tell him the real reason. 

Kuroo chuckled, “listen, we don’t have practice the next few weeks. the season came to an end and they’re giving us the next two weeks to relax before continuing. how about every Tuesday and Thursday until your next Chemistry exam, you can come over to study?” he asked, kicking his legs on top of his grandmas table. 

you thought for a moment as you took a sip of your coffee, “and what do I get as compensation for being with you every Tuesday and Thursday for the next two weeks?” you replied with a cocky tone. 

Kuroo thought for a moment before snapping his fingers in realization. 

“I’ll take you out on a date for ice cream when the results of your exam come back,” your heart instantly dropped as you tried to cover your flustered expression, “come on, you know you’d die for a date with me!” 

you chucked him a scrap piece of paper before agreeing, “and if I fail, just know you owe me two weeks compensation for having to be around you so much,” you said jokingly, “oh yeah, what is the compensation?” he asked. 

you quickly thought. 

“your friend Bokuto’s number,” you said slyly. Kuroo’s face dropped for half a second which he hoped you didn’t notice, “okay, deal. if you pass, I’ll take you out on the date and if you don’t, I’ll tell Bokuto that I gave you his number,” the two of you shook hands, Kuroo squeezing it a bit too hard for your liking. 

“that hurt you ass!” you yelled, “hey, not my fault you’re a weakling.” 

+

first day of studying:  

“okay, lets get this cramming session started!” Kuroo exclaimed as he took out his various notes, “are you kidding me? it’s a chapter exam, not a fucking midterm!” you yelled, staring down at the highlighted notes. 

Kuroo chuckled as he looked over your notes, wanting nothing more than to gag at the way you wrote them, “and you have the nerve to make fun of me when your notes look like Kindergarten scribbles?” he stated. 

you gave him the finger, snatching your notes back from him, “we came here to STUDY! not make fun of my note writing,” you hit him in the arm with your notebook, “so, how do you plan on helping me study?” you asked. 

Kuroo threw your notebook away and handing you a fresh one, “you’re going to highlight everything in bold and all of the example equations are going to be in pen. it’s always better to write important things down in different colors because it’s easier to understand,” Kuroo informed. 

you nodded as you took out your red pen and wrote down the equations he had told you to write down. Kuroo was being abnormally quiet considering you expected the study session to be a complete mess. 

“do you think you understand the first half of the equations?” he asked. you looked down to your notes before shrugging, “I mean I think? I can try to see if I understood,” you whispered, playing with your lip. 

Kuroo chuckled before handing you a blank paper with equations written down, “here, I asked our teacher for practice worksheets. if you get at least 80% percent of them right, that means you’ve started to grasp the concepts.”

he placed the paper in front of you as you looked down at it. you immediately felt your heart race. it felt as though you were looking down at Kindergarten work and started to fill out the worksheet with ease. 

Kuroo smiled as he watched you write down the correct answers. he knew you weren’t struggling as much as you said you were, you were just lazy and didn’t bother to study correctly. 

“here professor,” you joked, handing him the worksheet back. Kuroo grabbed your red pen and scanned the worksheet for a few minutes. you picked at your nails nervously, hoping that you at least got a few of them right. 

“see, I told you!” he exclaimed as he wrote down a 100%, “really?” you yelled happily as you took the worksheet back. 

you jumped in your seat in excitement as you slammed your notebook shut, “so Thursday?” you asked. Kuroo nodded as he helped you pack your things into your bag. 

“I’ll walk you home.” 

+

last day of studying: 

“well, tomorrow is the big day, if I fail, Bokuto’s number will be sitting promptly in my phone.” 

you giggled as Kuroo rolled his eyes, a bit too seriously. he knew his hard work was going to pay off and if he got lucky, Bokuto would be no where near you or text messages. 

“so what do you have planned for me?” you asked taking out your notebooks, “nothing,” your eyebrows fluttered in confusion at his answer. 

“what do you mean nothing? I don’t think I’ll pass if we don’t study the day before the exam!” you yelled with nervousness hinting at your voice, “you worry too much. listen, we’re going to study but not like we have been.” 

Kuroo stood up and went to his fridge, “we’re gonna have dinner and relax because you’ve been cramming way too much and overloading your brain with equations will have you blank minded once you take the exam. we’re going to eat, review for a bit, and then I’ll walk you home,” he stated taking out a few things to make dinner. 

you nodded, not fully understanding what he was even implying. regardless, you sat on the counter as Kuroo mentioned he was cooking the two of you some soup his grandmother made him from time to time. 

“so, have you actually even told Bokuto that you were planning on giving his number to me?” Bokuto couldn’t help laugh, “no because I know you won’t get it,” he joked. 

you raised your eyebrow at him, “ah, so you’re just mister confident, aren’t you?” you asked as you ate a piece of cooked chicken he had left on the side. 

“I am because I know I’m a great tutor and you’ll be passing that exam tomorrow,” he stated confidently. “oh yeah, what if I intentionally fail?” you mocked. 

Kuroo gave your a smirk before grabbing your sides and tickling them playfully, “if you fail on purpose, you’re going to be Nekoma’s permanent manager until we graduate,” he said as you gasped for air. 

“okay, okay! I won’t fail!” you yelled a bit loudly. you immediately covered your mouth, hoping you hadn’t woken up Kuroo’s grandmother with your screams, “oh my god, if I woke your grandmother, tell her I’m so sorry,” you murmured as he waved you off. 

“she isn’t home. she goes out on Thursday’s nights with a few of our neighbors to watch people sing downtown,” he mentioned, taking two bowls out, “well, lets eat. I know you skip lunch all the time so you can take a nap!” he said as he swatted you with a hand towel. 

+

you sat sat on your desk Monday morning, nervously chewing on your nails as you anxiously waited your Chemistry exam results. your teacher had a tendency to put the five highest grades on the board with the names underneath as way to congratulate the students. 

you looked at Kuroo and gave him a nervous smile as your teacher took her sweet time writing everything down. you felt your phone buzz as you knew it must’ve been Kuroo telling you to relax.

finally the teacher wrote down the names underneath the scores and your name appeared right next to Kuroo’s. you immediately whipped your head to look over at him and gave him a soft but bright smile. 

“everyone who failed, take notes, the next exam will be almost identical to this one and for those who passed, congratulations.” 

you couldn’t help but feel butterflies in your stomach as waited for the day to end. you knew that your informal date with Kuroo was now officially happening and a part of you was beyond happy but another part of you felt sad. 

you still had no idea if he even seen you in the same light you saw him but if he was taking you out for ice cream, that means he must’ve, right? 

the final bell rang as you packed your things into your bag. Kuroo had told you he was running to the bathroom before the two of you could get going. you had texted your mom that you were planning on going out for a few hours to celebrate your exam score but it wasn’t until you walked out of the classroom to overhear the conversation Kuroo and a few of his volleyball mates were having with him. 

“so, are you finally asking her out?” Lev asked a bit excitedly. Kuroo tried to get him to quiet down but it was Kenma who spoke up this time, “just rip it off like a band-aid. you get nothing from hiding your feelings from her,” he said in that monotone voice of his. 

your heart leaped as you felt your hands get clammy. you quickly fixed your hair before walking up behind Kuroo. his friends eyes widened as you waved at them nervously, “ready?” you asked. 

Kuroo nodded as you told his friends a quick hello before heading out. the two of you walked to the nearest ice cream shop, the air a bit awkward as Kuroo hoped that you hadn’t overheard the conversation he was having with Lev and Kenma. 

“so,” you said quietly as the two of you sat down on the bench, eating the ice cream quietly, “I guess our hangouts are going to cease to exist,” you playfully said. 

Kuroo gave you a mocking gasp, “I’m offended, here I thought you enjoyed our study sessions,” you rolled your eyes, not bothering to take your eyes off the small pond in front of you.

Kuroo knew it was now or never. with graduation creeping up and the two of you going to separate universities, he knew today was his only chance to ask you out before it was too late. 

after he finished his ice cream, he tossed it in the nearby trash bin and sat back down next to you. his hand sat on his side before creeping itself to hold yours. your face went warm instantly as you felt your heart stop for a few moments. 

you gave Kuroo a look as his eyes said it all. you gave him a slight nod before taking a hold of his hand a little tighter. the two of you sat in comfortable silence as the birds chirped and the sun was beginning to set. 

with Kuroo’s loud mouth, you knew him asking you out wouldn’t be the most ordinary thing in the world. Kuroo was someone who said things through his actions, not words and him asking you out didn’t need to be some grand gesture. 

his confession fit the two of you perfectly. 

#haikyuu imagine #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x reader #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo tetsuro imagine #kuroo testsuro x you #nekoma imagine #kyoutani kentarou x you #anime imagine #anime x reader #anime x you #sport anime

[vanchlo]

The Partner / Chapter Ten, "The After"

Word Count: 6.3k /  Story Masterlist /  Read The Assistant /  Read on Wattpad / Song: / Small Bump by Ed Sheeran (click to listen) / Warning: Sensitive and upsetting topics, such as death and miscarriage

"Life is never fair. I’m sure you’re well aware of that."

- Death Parade デス・パレード

Barely could I catch the thoughts that whirred through my skull, one after the other. Neither could I with my breath because with each one, the pain inside of my head grew. It couldn’t compare to what I felt when I turned my head to find the room empty. Becks was gone, somewhere else in this hospital having . . Shaking my head tersely, I let it fall into my hands as my hands shook.

“Get ahold of yourself, Harry,” despite the state of my throat and trembling lips, the muttering comes. The first words I’ve spoken in who knows how long. Yet, they always feel like my last, because this feels never ending, all of this.

I tried it for the third time now, breathing slowly in and out. It doesn’t work any better this time compared to the hundred other attempts. No matter what, I can’t feel better. Cursing, I shoot upright in the chair and fling my head back, staring at the ceiling for yet another few seconds. No, not that either, I think quietly before my eyes fall on it again. It had stared back at me this entire time of waiting, taunting me. Not only did it not seem real, but with each time I found myself looking at, it shouted at me to believe. There, her name sat on the whiteboard clear as day and a whole allotment of other things, but worst of all was The Plan. D&C Surgery at 11:30. I’d already known what it meant, hearing the risks and benefits of the surgery along with Becks earlier from the doctor.

Huffing, I sat forward, resting my elbows on my legs. They fought to stay there as my right leg bounced up and down impatiently. Checking my watch, I swear under my breath, wondering how it’s only been ten minutes. They likely haven’t even started the surgery yet and I’m already wild with worry, and with missing her. Whimpering, my fingers slide back through my hair and root themselves there, my scalp singing with pain as does my heart. For the hundredth time, I think no, this isn’t how it should be. We shouldn’t be here. No, not now. Not for another five months to bring our baby home, but now, we’ll be going home . . empty.

Through a thickness of tears, I watch myself dial the number, blinking the haze away once I press it to my ear. It rings as my heart beats on, aching and dancing against my chest. Words climb up my throat, but I can’t distinguish the right from the wrong, or find the energy to ever say any of them. Yet, I know that I have to and that I need to.

“Hare, hey. I can’t talk long, I’m on recess, but do you have an update on Becky? What’s going on up there?”

“I’m so sorry I had to leave My,” is all that I can manage.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ve got it covered. Please, just tell me that you’re okay.”

Despite his well intentions, it hits me in the gut. It gets me good and sucking in a breath is harder than before. I try to fight it, but it drapes over me like a blanket that I can’t remove, because I can’t.

“No, My . . I’m not okay. W-We . . . ,” time to work there, lungs. I need you now, do you hear me? One breath. Two breaths. Okay, maybe I can do this. Just maybe. “We lost the baby,” I confess, pinching the bridge of my nose as the sound of cries finds a way past my lips. His silence is replaced by the choked sounds that I make, ones that I let lose to the air. To him.

“Oh, Hare,” he sighs, my heart cracking a little more at his voice. What I hear in it. “I can’t say h-how sorry I am, to you or Becky . . . I-Is there anything I can do?” a pause falls between his words, found in the breath I hear him take to settle himself. It’s the one that I can’t find.

“N-No, if there was I don’t know what it is. Just- I can’t even think about . . about going back to work anytime soon o-or for Becky. She- I don’t know how we’re going to do this, something like this h-has never happened. I-,” my footing is lost and the words fall haphazardly around me, no thought as to how to arrange them.

“Don’t even think about work, okay? Rose and I will take care of it, you don’t have anything to worry about, Hare. J-Just take care of yourself and Becky, and take all of the time the both of you need. I’ll figure out unemployment or something- it’ll be fine, okay?”

“Thanks, My.”

“No need,” he murmurs, words skidding to a stop. “Are you still at the hospital then?” not many other people could tell it, but behind the tears coating my cheeks, I can hear the ones in his voice.

“Yeah, probably for the good part of the day. S-She’s in surgery to . . “

“I’ve heard of the different um, treatments. Jeanie’s sister w-went through the same thing. It’s terrible. Fuck, I’m just- I’m so sorry, Hare,” some divine power breaks his voice on the curse, and if I weren’t sobbing, perhaps I’d find it in me to laugh. “Tell her I’m thinking of her, will you?”

“Of course.”

I wasn’t sure if silence was my friend right now, leaving me to the turbulence of my thoughts, until he interrupted it again. “Have you told anybody else, Hare? I know you, you shouldn’t be alone there, sitting in your thoughts.”

“My mom’s on her way, she w-was in town, so it’s only a matter of time,” I continue, pressing my thumbs against my closed eyes when the next thought arrives. “We . . . We were going to name the baby after her and Becky’s grandma, My. A-Annie. H-How am I going to tell her that?” I nod along with his coming words, my lips pressed together tightly, not letting any words slip past. Tears run over them, tasting of salt and something bitter. Loss. I’m not sure how long I sat there like that after he had to get back to arguing our case, leaving me in my whirlwind of thoughts.

It was all I could do, think. Well, that was before my legs kept me busy and I was walking circles around the room, trying and failing not to do the other thing. A silence had crept into the room long ago and refused to leave, even with the hum of the heating challenging it. I couldn’t count the number of times I’d fallen back onto the chair and gotten up again, fearing I’d never be able to get back up one of these times. No, I knew that I’d fallen off that chair somewhere in my head and didn’t even care to get back on. How could I? I was to become a dad. It was all that I could think about for the last nearly four months, and now- God. Now, I couldn’t stop thinking about how that had been stolen away from me in just a few moments. I woke up this morning, like any other recently, counting down the days to meeting our baby. I never would now.

I was long gone by the time there was a knock on the door, seizing my attention and any last whole piece of my heart that was left. Because when she walked through it, the only other person in the entire world who could make it all better was there.

“Honey, I can’t tell you how sorry I am that . . that t-this is happening,” my mom sobbed, pressing a hand against her mouth after the door closed behind her. I barely blinked and found myself standing, hiding in her welcoming arms.

If my heart hadn’t already fallen through my stomach and to the floor, it did when she brought my head to her chest, muffling my wailing. There was just something about crying on your mom’s shoulder that could never be rivaled, and if I couldn’t be with my Becks, this is where I wanted to be. I didn’t want it, any of this, but it’s like I was three again with an owie, and her hugs made it all better. Except, this time, the relief came and then it trickled away. It didn’t feel . . real, and through my tears, I cried harder, wanting for this one thing to feel real out of it all. But as her blouse grew wet under my cheek, it never came and very swiftly, I gave up on it ever arriving at all.

I couldn’t remember the last word that had passed between us, because all I could hear was the way her thumb drew waves on the back of my hand. All I could see was the hand on the clock ticking slowly with each passing second, and never quickly enough. A blaring of sorts went off in my head when the secondhand fell onto the 6, announcing 12:30. It had been an hour and still, nobody had come.

My Becks hadn’t come back, and neither had the tears. Somehow, they had come and gone with a ferocity that I’d hardly known. No, except for when it was her that I’d almost lost. This time, we actually had suffered a loss, and I wasn’t sure where to begin to process it. I’d lost my grandfather shortly after we’d reconnected and hers passed within a few weeks of knowing each other. Lola had gone in her sleep not long after, but that was the worst of it, if you could even say that. No, I hadn’t lost a parent or came close to it, like she had, but I’d still lost my best friends. I’d almost lost her, and she me, but was there ever anything that leaked similarity to that of losing a child? I couldn’t think of one, and I hadn’t known anybody who’d lost a baby before, I thought as the scribbled words on the whiteboard grew incoherent in front of my eyes.

A pang hit low in my chest when my thoughts dragged me back to that rainy day in February, just right after our first date. Skye had called and my entire world had came crashing down, and the same thing had happened to her not even six months ago. The calendar had only just turned to November then, and I’d only just flipped it to March yesterday. I’d seen it when I’d done it, the small handwriting of my own on next week’s date. ‘4 months w Baby P.’ It came after the stretch of days I’d marked for this case, and if my head wasn’t already in my hands at that, it is now.

I’d asked her, time and time again, if I should take this case, seeing as how I had to leave town to argue it. It’s only a few days and I’ll be fine, Harry, she had insisted, like she always had. She was a stubborn one from the very first day I’d met her, and it had never waned. I’d taken the case and she had helped me on it before leaving to assist Rose with hers, a criminal case that Becks had been interested in. Her and her curiosity of serial murders, but she’d only helped with research after we’d agreed on no high profile cases since . . since we’d found out about the baby. Exhaling, the sensation of pain comes to the front of my mind. Looking down, shocks of scarlet half moons look back at me when I turn over my palm. Gulping, I stretch out my hand before curling my fingers back in, ignoring the chorus of stinging now radicating my palm.

I shouldn’t have taken it, I knew it then and I knew it now. Something had told me not to. No, not with her pregnant. What if something had happened to me again, or to her while I was away? And it did. But I’d brushed the worrisome thoughts away, crediting them to irrational fear that didn’t deserve my time. Now, as I sit here, leaning forward with my elbows on my thighs, I curse myself for not being there. I should have, there’s no question about it. A new warmth gathers in my chest sourly as I imagine, for perhaps the fortieth time, her waking up alone to a nightmare. Blood pooling around her bottom and pain racking her insides as our baby died inside of her. Had it been this morning, last night, or days ago? I had kept wondering about it when Dr. Baker explained that they could have passed within the last few weeks and there was no way to know until her body recognized it, and . . began the process. If I were her, I’d be mad at me for not being there in the bed beside her when she woke. For not being there to drive her to the hospital, but instead, waking up in a bed two hundred miles away, unbeknownst to the storm today would bring. I could have-

“Honey, you have to stop thinking about what you can’t change,” somebody murmurs, weeding their way into my inner monologue. I don’t need to think for a second before knowing who it is, and that of course, they know.

“I’m not thinking about-.”

“Yes, you are. I’ve known you for the last thirty two years, I know how your mind works. How you work, Harry. You’re my baby, I-,” there, her voice breaks as if it’s a thread pulled too tightly, snapping. Something within me does the same, and I feel another chunk of my heart break apart. “I’m sorry, I know how that sounded. I didn’t mean-.”

“I know you didn’t, Mom, but I just- I can’t . . do that word right now,” I retort, pulling away from her touch, soon finding myself staring out the window onto the tops of houses for miles. Her sigh inches in through one of the dozen holes inside of me, taking hold as a rain droplet races down the window. A similar one runs the same race down my cheek. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to snap at you. It’s not you I’m angry at, I could never be. But, I just-,” cutting myself off, her eyes are already waiting on me when I turn around. As always, they’re soft as can be, and forgiving too.

“It’s okay, Harry, you don’t have to apologize to me.”

“I just don’t understand w-why this happened to us, Mom,” I whimper, words shaken by the persistent trembling of my lips. “What did we do to deserve this? Did I do something wrong? Because Becks didn’t. I know I shouldn’t have taken this case- or maybe, this is a punishment for the asshole I used to be. To everybody at work, even to her. I never should have treated her that way. I don’t even deserve her, and maybe I don’t deserve to be a father, either. I’d probably just fuck up their lives like my dad did to me. I-.”

“Harry Styles, you stop talking like that right now,” her voice is firm, something it rarely is. Her voice echoes around the room with its fervor and volume, as does the look in her eyes. “You did nothing to deserve this and neither did Becky. This is none of your fault or hers, it could never be. It’s not because you took a case out of town, or because you mistreated her in the past. That was all so long ago and you have to stop beating yourself up about it, you know that she would tell you the same exact thing . . Honey, you don’t deserve this, either of you. It wasn’t the baby’s fault either, and sadly, there’s nothing you could’ve done to stop it or to know it would’ve happened. You have to stop blaming yourself,” she finishes, rainboots stopping in front of me. I almost want to laugh at the pink butterflies covering them and the squelching sounds they make, but it’s far away now.

What isn’t far away is the warmth in her eyes and how it tries to thaw me from the inside out. The very thing that Becky had done to me all of those years ago, changing me from the icicle I was to the person I am now. Somebody that I hated I ever was to her with the things I said and did.

“How am I supposed to tell her that wh-when I don’t even believe it myself, Mom?” I whisper, feeling the weight pull at my words. “Sh-She’s going to blame herself, I know she already does. She thinks she did something wrong o-or that she didn’t love them enough. H-How . . How do I fix her, Mom?”

Shaking her head, for the first time, my mother doesn’t have a word of wisdom to feed me. Standing there, a storm paving its path outside and one having its way with my insides, I try to think of my mom never not having an answer for me. Until now.

“I’ve never suffered a miscarriage, honey . . but I’m not sure how you can fix her. I don’t think that you can or that you should try to. That’s something that she has to do on her own. When your dad and I divorced, it was one of the worst times of my life. Not even right afterwards, but for years before that, knowing what was happening to us . . You just- you have to be there for her, give her space when she wants it, and take care of yourself too. Sometimes, you have to be there when she doesn’t want you to be- I know it’s confusing, but you just have to do your best, honey. You will be okay, maybe not today or next month, but you will find it one day . . I’ll always miss my father and the family that I’ve lost, even my marriage to your father, but I still can find happiness. Everybody grieves differently and in their own way, and it’s okay however you may feel. That’s what matters, to feel it. Don’t hide in your work, Harry, . . or alcohol . . I know you’ve done that before with losing Becky the first time and then, your grandfather. Focus on the things that bring you happiness and take the time you need to heal. You’re going to want to ignore it and not feel it, but you need to . . A-And I don’t know how to say this without sounding insensitive, because nothing could ever replace this baby, but when you’re both ready, you can . . . you know what I mean.”

Pools of tears had collected on the front of my button down long ago, and they only grew wetter now. Heavier. Blinking, I secretly longed for sleep as I ruminate on her words, knowing that she always had an answer for everything. Her own kind of answer. Licking my lips, I part them to speak an answer, but another sound beats me to it. All words are lost when I hear the knock on the door and its opening creak.

“Harry? It’s Dr. Baker,” a voice says. It’s as if a switch was flipped inside of me, and all I can think about is her again. Becks.

“H-Hi. Did everything go alright?” I stammer, turning my body to face the doctor who walks in wearing the same scrubs, a blue cap now fastened around her hair.

“Yes,” she smiles, clutching a clipboard to her chest, making me wonder. “Becky’s out of surgery and everything went just as planned. She’s been in recovery for a while now as she comes out of anesthesia. I suspect she’ll be waking up soon and I think that you should be there when she does. She’s still going to be pretty groggy, but I can take you there now, if you’d like.”

“Y-Yes, of course. Please, I’ve been worried sick about her,” I express, swiping at my cheeks hastily. Remembering my mom, I turn back to her and hug her quickly, hearing her encouraging words in my ear as I follow the doctor to the door.

There I stop when she turns around, a misty look in her eye, “I can’t remember if I’ve said it, but I can’t say how sorry I am to you and Becky, Harry. It’s been such a joy to be with you both on this journey. It’s always my favorite to work with new parents, and to see their excitement . . I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s never easy when one of my patients loses a baby,” Dr. Baker says, forcing a smile as she blinks away the tears filling her eyes.

“Wow, um- thank you so much, from both Becky and I,” is all that I can find to say, especially when I find her hugging me. It’s brief but it knocks the wind out of me, for the hundredth time today. No, I’d never found my way back to breathing safely ever since that phone call. As I stare back at her, both of us lost for words, a few of mine creep out. “How are we supposed to do this? I never imagined this would happen . . I’ve always wanted to make her happy, and now . . I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know how we’ll get past this, especially her.”

Nodding, she remains silent save for the way she pats my shoulder, “You’re already doing a great job, a much better one than some of the partners I’ve seen this happen to. You two have something special and that’s what gets you through terrible things like this. You’ll be okay. It may not be for a long time, and I’ll tell you the truth, you’ll always miss them, but you’ll be okay.”

I’m unsure of what else to do but nod my head and follow her out of the room. We turn right and find an elevator, and the moment’s lost. As the numbers fall a few and an electronic beeping fills the small space, she begins to read from her chart. They pass through one ear and out the other, her words about care. It’s only when we’re walking off the elevator and I know that I’m nearing Becks, do the words register with me. I’ll get to take her home later today, once everything is looking good. She’s blunt at times and I think I appreciate it. She’s going to be in some pain, but she’ll prescribe medication and the like to keep Becky comfortable, and it makes me feel like just maybe I can breathe again. It only lasts until she’s honest that she needs to rest as much as possible, and that depression is a danger after something like this. This will all be written down and sent home with us she says, but that for right now, I should go and be with my fiance, she says when we stop in front of a closed door. One that I know Becks is behind this very moment, waiting for me. I won’t keep her any longer, I’ve done it too many times to count now.

I’m not sure which hurt worse, that first time seeing her clinging to life after her accident, or finding her peacefully asleep knowing what had just happened. No, they each hurt in their own unique way, different than the next. I could hardly think about then, knowing the misery that overtook me, and a similar one now as I realized again what we’d lost. We’d lost our child, our baby. In a way, it still didn’t seem real, even as I sat beside her and took her hand in mine. Tears had already begun to paint my face and my lip quivered quicker at the thought of falling back into that hole. This time, there wouldn’t be a ‘phew, that was close’ moment. No, I’d missed that entirely. It had never been a possibility that things would be okay. I’d known it somehow from the second she called me sobbing, because she knew too. Our baby was already gone.

As I tried and failed to swallow past the unmoving lump in my throat, everything was difficult. Seeing clearly was and even when I did, I wasn’t sure I wanted to, just like before. I couldn’t rub the top of her hand with my thumb, because the IV and its tape were in the way. Her rings were gone, and it was unsettling for me, seeing her without her grandma’s two rings, and her engagement ring. The labored sound of her breathing was what occupied my ears, that is if the turning wheel of thoughts wasn’t already.

It went on and on as I watched her sleep, chest rising and falling with each breath assisted by the nasal cannula. It wasn’t long before my fingers were caught in her hair and I was just grateful that she was still here. I sat there, trying to be grateful but it was something I could hardly manage. Of course, I was more than happy that she was still here, but this isn’t how any of it was supposed to go. I was supposed to be a few hours north arguing and winning a case with Myles. She was supposed to spend the day with my sister and her kids, painting nails and making cookies with Harper. Now, what was going to happen? I had no idea at all and there was no pretending that it didn’t absolutely terrify me.

A few minutes later, my heart squeezed when she stirred and her eyes fluttered open, searching the room until they found me. It crumpled when a lazy smile came to her lips and she yawned.

“Hi, Harry.”

“Hi, buggie. How are you feeling?” I murmured, brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes.

“I’m so tired. Mmmmm,” she sighed. A heaviness clung to her eyes and I knew it wouldn’t be long before she succumbed to it. I wished for it, almost.

“You in any pain, bug?”

“No, why would I be?” she almost giggled, letting her eyes fall shut. The doctor had warned me about this before I walked in, saying she may be a little loopy from the anesthesia. I welcomed it now, dreading the return to reality and all that it would bring. The heartache, something I didn’t want her to experience. “I’m going back to sleep. You’re boring.”

“Sweet dreams, Becks,” I whispered, pressing a kiss to her head as the smile faded on her lips. Sniffling, a tear collected at the point of my nose, knowing that the next time she woke up, it would be real again for her. An ache began in my chest just at the thought, knowing what was to come. God, how are we going to do this, I wondered silently and yet ever so loudly as I put my head in my hands, sure there wasn’t a God at all.

I wasn’t certain what it was that I noticed when I first woke up. Was it the electronic beeping that I know too well? My own labored breathing? The odd smell of the place around me? Or was it the warmth around my hand, the only of its kind as a coldness covered the rest of me? The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was him, and the way he brightened. There wasn’t any pause from reality or waiting for it to hit me, because it already had. The look on his face said it for me, if I didn’t already know. No, the moment I woke up I did.

“Hi, buggie. How are you feeling?” Harry murmurs, cupping my cheek with his hand. It looks as if he’d just woken up from a nap himself, but it’s hard to tell for long as he grows blurry in front of me. “Oh, Becks honey.”

“No,” the word repeats from my lips, the weirdest of tastes in my mouth, but it doesn’t compare to the rest of me. More emptiness greets me when my hand darts to my stomach, and I know. “I was supposed to wake up . . . this was all supposed to be a nightmare, and I’d wake up and . . and it’d all be okay. The baby- would be okay,” I wail, overcome by the shaking of my chest as words fight their way out. He’s a blur of movements in front of me, and I don’t know what he’s doing until I feel him beside me.

“I’m here, Becks. I’m here. I’m so sorry, honey,” his voice breaks, and it only makes my hand press harder to my stomach, knowing what isn’t there anymore. Who. “I wish you would have woken up from this nightmare too, that we both could have. It shouldn’t be like this, any of it, and I’m so sorry.”

“I-It’s not your fault,” I whisper, feeling the assault of my tears already coat his neck where I hide my face. He’s careful, moving around the tubing and managing to wrap himself around me in this small bed.

“And it’s not yours, either, bug.”

“It feels l-like it, Harry,” I confess, my hands beginning to cramp at the way I ball his shirt up in my hands. “I should’ve known something might happen . . my feeling. I-It’s my own body, how did I not know something was wrong?”

“It’s not your fault, you couldn’t have known, Becks. The doctor said so. You did everything right - you took all the vitamins, ate good, exercised- you did nothing wrong.”

I try to listen and soak up his words like a sponge, but I don’t feel like one for that. It’s as if I’m a mirror instead, reflecting what he says without taking it in. Shaking my head back and forth, I fight for breath as everything comes back to me. Waking up from the pain and feeling the wetness between- squeezing my eyes shut tightly, I try to forget but I can’t. Nor can I push away the silence when the doctor pressed the ultrasound wand to my abdomen, even though I knew it. I had been hoping I’d be wrong, that my feeling was incorrect for once, but it wasn’t. It never is.

“It’s not your fault, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s nobody’s fault. Not yours, not mine, not . . not the baby’s. We can’t blame ourselves, Becks,” his insisting words dance across my head and into my eyes, but I can’t believe them. I wish that I could, lying there feeling like an empty shell, unable to take my hand away from my stomach. But I do, I want to say and yet, I can’t find my voice. It’s somewhere hiding in my loud cries against his shoulder.

Until, my cries took the time to fall silent, and I’m not. Instead, I’m staring into the darkness hiding in the place where his neck and shoulder meet. The faintest of light lives there and if I could see the pattern to his shirt or the bedsheets, I don’t. Nor can I hear the song he sings to me. I can, but not the words soft from his lips, or the sweet things he assures me with. A never ending stream still leaves my eyes, but the ferocity of them has left, and I’ve never felt this empty.

He still whimpered above me when he turned on the tv and I heard the familiar voices of the Friends. I fought between hearing them and Harry’s singing, unable to move from where I was, even when the doctor came in after a while. A different softness had arrived in her voice, but I still refused to move from my favorite hiding place. It was everything I expected to hear, and yet, as I thought about how this was never how today was supposed to go, it wasn’t. He was the first one to break down when she announced she’d found out the gender from some kind of tests I didn’t understand. I remained quiet, and it grew deeper as he sobbed louder when she revealed if we had lost a son or daughter. I couldn’t decide, lying there motionless in his arms, if I had wanted to know. I already did in a way, but when she said it, something resonated inside of me as his heart broke inside of him. Again.

I hadn’t realized that she’d left or that he was talking to me, so removed from this world and in one entirely my own. Why should I return to that one, a world that had hurt me too many times for me to ever count? It had taken away the love of my life on several accounts, and tried to do so permanently. It had pitted us against each other day after day, and now, it had . . it had made our child die inside of me. I couldn’t come back to it but as the sound of his cries found purchase on something inside of me, they grew louder.

“A d-daughter, Becks. We were supposed to have a little girl,” his voice trembled, harder than ocean waves crashing against rocks. Somehow, my own voice was completely still- no, it was absent altogether. It took a walk down that same beach tens of minutes ago, and I was unsure of when it’d come back.

His body shook against my rigid one, and as he took the turn to drench my neck with tears, I lifted my head for the first time from his neck. Opening my eyes was something I didn’t think I could do ten minutes ago or even one, but I did and pointed them at the tv. Harry’s sobs filled my ears and so did the Friends’ voices. Relaxing my hands against his back, a tiredness had taken hold of me long ago. Now, I watched as their story unfolded beside ours as he buried his face in my hair, sobbing for our daughter. Something that I suddenly couldn’t do, and I didn’t even know why.

I despised it, the stillness that had surrounded us and refused to leave. It sat there, even as Harry’s snores threatened it, but it had already claimed me. It found it way inside of me, lying there in that hospital bed beside him, hooked up to beeping machines. Remain it did, when I pretended to listen to the care instructions of the doctor when she returned yet again. It consumed the space between us in the car, even with my hand tucked into his for the entirety of the ride home.

I couldn’t decide if stillness was my friend or my foe as I lay in the downstairs guest bedroom beside him later that night. The sounds of him sleeping had begun long ago, after showers for the both of us and a takeaway dinner I’d hardly eaten. I barely tasted the potatoes and beef of the pot roast meal, or felt the hot water kiss my body. The numbness that had filled my bones when the tears had stopped melts away, thawing into wetness that glides down my cheek. The clock reading midnight stared back at me as my throat tightened, my heart jumping back up it, as I gasped for air. It had been twelve hours since . . since we’d lost our baby. Next, it would be a day, and then . . Curling up into a ball, at last the stillness vanished as every part of me shook with feeling. Every ounce of it returned to me, overdue from the parts of today that I didn’t feel.

His own stillness frightened me, because I couldn’t feel this alone, and as much as I hated to wake him from his ignorant dreams, I had to. Sobbing his name, I scooched across the foreign bed until I was forcing my way into his arms. His snoring halted and then came a sigh.

“Becks,” he murmured, voice drenched with sleep. He moaned while stirring, opening his arms for me. A quietness came to him as my sobs grew in volume, soon finding a place against his chest. “I’m here, buggie. I’m here.”

“But our baby’s not. Wh-Why?” I weeped, feeling the warm metal of his necklace against my cheek. He held me against him, arms snug around me as every bit of stillness left my body. “They’re gone. I just shut down and- our daughter’s gone.”

“I know, honey. I know,” sorrow weighed down on every one of his words. My lips stung from pressing them together so tightly, singing from relief when I chased breaths.

“She’s g-gone . . Why can’t I wake up from this nightmare? I-It’s not fair, Harry, it’s not fair. We don’t deserve this,” every word wicked more strength from me. At last, I relaxed pliantly against him, giving up. “I wanted s-so badly to be her mom, it’s not fair. It’s not fair.”

“It’s not, Becks. It’s not fair at all . . I wish I could fix it all for you, honey. I’ve never not been able to, but please, don’t disappear from me like that again. You wouldn’t hardly talk to me or look at me. I- I can’t lose you too, buggie,” he cried, sniffles adorning his words as tears filled them.

“I’ll try. I don’t know where I went. It’s like I went somewhere else, because . . because I don’t want to do this. Any of it. I can’t,” they’re the last words that I speak, muffled against his bare chest.

He fell back asleep first, his hand slowly dancing along my back until it stopped, but still I laid there, thinking. It was a long while until I joined him, hoping I’d get to dream about our daughter again, knowing that’s the only place I’d see her.

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #harry styles writing #harry styles wattpad #one direction #one direction wattpad #one direction fanfiction #one direction fanfic #one direction fic #boss!harry #ceo!harry #lawyer!harry #boyfriend!harry #fiance!harry #dad!draco #lawyer romance #office romance #enemies to lovers #friends to lovers #coworkers to lovers #vanchlo writes #the assistant series #hecky #harry x becks

[padfootagain]

Hello everyone! I'm so happy to host a new event for my blog! It has been a while since I made one of these writing events, and I hope you will enjoy it! I've organized it to celebrate my blog hitting 4.7k followers!!! This is unbelievable, tbh, I have no idea what you guys are doing around here, but thank you so much for it anyway!!

So, for the coming weeks, I'll be writing your requests, that you can send me using the prompts I'm proposing in this post, under the cut! I hope you'll have fun!

 Carole, what is going on now?

 For this event, I'll be answering some prompts! The idea is simple: you choose one of the characters I write for and a few prompts, and I will write a one-shot for the character you have chosen, using the prompts you have chosen. You can also indicate more details that you would like to be included in your request (a specific AU or situation… ). It's super easy, and it makes you choose what I'll write for the next 2 or 3 weeks!

 How do we request something?

 In order to send a request, all you have to do is send me an ask through my inbox (please, do not use the dms, it is much harder to manage for me and I will probably forget about your request…). You can choose between 1 and 5 prompts amongst the prompts listed below the cut. The prompts are pieces of dialogue, and it will be my job to imagine a scenario where the characters use these lines. Choose also a character. It has to be a character in my masterlist (at the exception of Billy Russo and Regulus Black, their requests are closed). If you're a little shy, don't hesitate to switch on the anon function, I will still accept your request! Please, only ask for one request, because I want to write for as many people as possible.

And that's it! Super easy, isn't it?

 A sum up?

 In order to get a one-shot:

-Choose a character in my masterlist (except for Billy Russo and Regulus Black, their requests are closed)

-Choose between 1 and 5 prompts that you would like to see appear in your one-shot. There are 100 of them, and they are all gathered below the cut! No need to send me the whole prompt, just send me the number corresponding to your prompts!

-Send me a message through my inbox (no private messages)

-You can only make one request, so choose wisely ;)

-You can ask as an anon if you're a little shy

-I'll be working hard on your request, so a little nice message or at least a 'hello' would be lovely :)

 The requests will be open for 48 hours (September 8 – September 10 2020), and they are open beginning… right now! The duration for the opened requests for the event might change, depending on how many requests I receive.

Please, be understanding that there is no way for me to judge if this event will be popular or not. If I receive too many requests, I won't be able to write all of them. I'm sorry if I don't have time to go to your request, please, be understanding if that happens. But maybe I'll have time to write all of them! It is hard for me to judge beforehand.

I hope you have fun with this event, and thank you all again for your support!

The prompts for the event are listed below. For a few of them, they might include several lines. All prompts are given a number, all you have to do is send me the number corresponding to the prompts you want, no need to type the whole thing in the ask.

Have fun!

NB: I have no idea why so many of those give off some serious idiots in love and idiots to lovers energy, but… it happened…

 1."KISSES!"

 2. "You are too far away."

"I am literally on the couch with you..."

"But are you in my arms? No. See? Too far away."

 3. "If you weren't so cute, I would break your legs right now."

 4. "Wait… are you jealous?"

 5. "Stars and tequila. It's perfect."

"No. Stars, tequila and you. That it perfect."

 6."I think I've made a mistake. Very big mistake. The kind that makes me wonder if I should escape to another country..."

 7. "I WANT MY COOKIES!!"

 8. "Maybe I love you a little too much, and that's why it hurts sometimes."

 9. "Does it hurt?"

"Not that... OUCH!"

 10. "I can't believe you got punched in the face."

"For you. I got punched in the face for you."

 11. "It's dark, and it's late, and I'm cold and I'm drenched with this freaking rain and yet all I can think about is that I love you."

 12. "I know you don't love me. It's okay. I will be whatever you want me to be."

 13. "You don't need to love me for me to love you, you know? That's not how loving works. It would save us all from a lot of pain if it did."

 14. "What do you mean you have a date?"

 15. "I propose that we get excessively drunk and then ruin our lives as a consequence. Sounds good?"

 16. "I'll always be here for you. Don't you know that by now? That I'll never leave?"

 17. "I think we need... to make something explode."

 18. "I'm pretty stupid, aren't I?"

 19. "Huh... is that my shirt you're wearing?"

 20. "I miss you. I hate it. I hate you. I love you."

 21. "I'm proud to be with you."

 22. "So... huh... are we gonna mention that you've just snogged me or...?"

 23. "What do you mean lying to your family about us? What do you mean you need a 'plus one'?"

 24. "I have only one thing to say: that is the stupidest idea I've ever heard. Let's do it."

 25. "Huh... were you going to... propose?!"

 26. "Will you marry me?"

 27. "Look... I don't mean to be blunt but... you and me, it's a forever kind of thing. And there's no escape from that."

 28. "Fate? Me loving you, you think it's fate? Nah, it's not fate. It's a choice. I choose to love you and to give you everything I own and everything I am every single day. And that's why what we have is true love."

 29. "Do you have ANY idea of how worried I was about you?"

 30. "I think you've just… puked on my shoes."

 31. "I swear, if you die, I'm going to kill you."

 32. "You're perfect."

 33. "I love you. Do you think you could ever love me too?"

 34. "Cuddles, cuddles, cuddles!"

 35. "I'm sorry. For everything. I'm not going to ask you to forgive me though, cause I know that I don't deserve it."

 36. "Just… shut up and kiss me."

 37. "Please… stay."

 38. "But if you leave now, what am I going to do with the rest of my life?"

 39. "I don't want anything but you."

 40. "You deserve so much more than what I can give you."

 41. "I wish I did, but I don't deserve you."

 42. "You make me so happy, it hurts a little."

 43. "What if we don't make it?"

 44. "Are you… are you bleeding?"

 45. "I… I'm begging you… if you must kill someone, then kill me. But please, please… let him/her go."

 46. "I can't lose you."

 47. "What do you mean… you're pregnant?"

 48. "You are so annoying…"

 49. "You're an idiot. I love you."

 50. "Don't leave me. Don't ever leave me…"

 51. "Well… that was hot."

 52. "So… good morning?"

"We're in the same bed. What the fuck are we doing in the same bed?!"

 53. "I mean, we don't have a choice… there's only one bed. And I am not sleeping on that dirty carpet."

 54. "Us being together, it's a terrible idea."

 55. "LOOK! IT'S SNOWING!"

 56. "This is the worst Halloween costume I have ever seen."

 57. "Promise you'll always love me."

 58. "I need your word. Promise me that you'll come back to me."

 59. "So… does that mean… farewell?"

 60. "I think we’re excellent at making memories.”

 61. "Did you… did you sleep with him/her?"

 62. "Where are you?"

 63. "BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!"

 64. "Dear God… I'm surrounded by idiots…"

 65. "I don't want you to go with him/her. I want you to choose me instead."

 66. "What if we stayed in bed all day?"

 67. "You fool! Fear my wrath!"

"Babe, you're threatening me with a broccoli, it is not very convincing."

 68. "Karaoke night!"

 69. "I am full of surprises!”

“Sadly, yes, you are...”

 70. "Dance with me. Please?"

 71. "I would do anything to convince you to give me a chance."

 72. "I know it's hard. I know that life keeps on getting in the way. But I love you. I love you with my entire being, and I'm willing to fight for you. I'm willing to fight to keep you."

 73. "Are you… are you crying?"

 74. "Stop stealing my blanket!"

 75. "Happy New Year!"

 76. "Merry Christmas!"

 77. "Is that for me?"

 78. "Happy birthday!"

 79. "So… is that… a date?"

 80. "What do you mean it was a date? It wasn't a date!"

"Of course, it was a date!"

 81. "Well… that… was a good kiss…"

 82. "I'm a complete moron! I'm an idiot! I am the epitome of stupidity! It took me forever to realize it, but now I see it, and I'll be damned if I let you walk away. Because it took me all that time to realize it, but I love you. I love you so much. It's always been you."

 83. "Are you drinking my cocoa?"

 84. "Please, just… hold me. Please, hold me close."

 85. "I'm cold."

"I'll keep you warm."

"Nice try!"

 86. "It hasn't stopped snowing. We're stuck. We're gonna die."

 87. "I AM NOT DYING HERE! IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE! WITH YOU!"

"I know that the important information here is that we're gonna die, but I'm very upset that you don't want to do it specifically with me. Why not? I'm a dream!"

 88. "Can I try some of your food?"

 89. "I should have told you long ago."

"Tell me what?"

"That I love you."

 90. "I am not going through a thirty-hours drive with you. There is absolutely no way."

 91. "I used to hate you. Then, I simply disliked you. Now, I hate you all over again."

"Well, the feeling is mutual. But maybe it'll change."

 92. "I really like you."

"I love you."

 93. "Well, if you really were that clever, then you would know that I love you!"

 94. "You have fever, you need to drink this. Come on, now."

 95. "I just… I feel like I'm truly myself when I'm with you. I want to be myself when I'm with you. So now, if you're scared, don't call it love yet. But whatever you want to call it, it's incredible, and I'm not going to give up on this. I'm not going to give up on us."

 96. "You're my home."

 97. "Why is summer so hot?! I'm melting!"

 98. "Have you ever felt like… memories get attached to a word and they almost change their meanings? Like… whenever someone says 'apple' I think of my grandma's pies, to the point that I almost forget that they're talking about the fruit. Well… your name… it's the same for love. When I think of love, I think of you."

 99. "What wish did you make?”

“To spend the rest of my life with you.”

 100. "If you only let me spend the rest of my life with you, I'd be happy with that. I don't ask for anything else, really. My life is complete as long as you're in it."

#event #4700 followers #writing prompts #prompts

[bumbershots]

A CERTAIN ROMANCE

CHAPTER TWO: MONDAY THROUGH FRIDAY

Author’s note: Hello! Thanks a lot to everyone for reading this, I’m over the moon with the messages you sent after posting the first chapter. Keep them coming, and enjoy! ~ Alex

Story Masterlist ** Word count 2.3K ** 

If she was prettier and a bit smarter. If she were special, like the Instagram models that Teen Vogue features in their cover nowadays. She would have the guts to take three steps towards him and ask if he is who she thinks he is.

Harry is standing once again across from her, and she doesn't even know that he is wearing his beloved woolly jumper that has a picture of the planet Saturn on it, just for her. The girl wonders if they've heard of Styles on that planet, too. Of course they have, she scolds herself looking away from him at last, not believing her luck. For the third time on a Thursday, at half past three, he's jumping in the train right after her. The first time could've been luck, second one was a lovely coincidence but a third time? It's a charm. That's what her grandma would say.

But she isn't brave enough to walk up to him, not because of who he is, but the pressure and build up around the entire situation. What if he's a dickhead? She frowns at the thought, knowing it can't be true, not when his eyes, the so-called windows of the soul, are that nice.

They're both in a corner of the train this time, conversations start to sputter around as people try to keep their own talk ticking along on autopilot. He seems to be busy, reading Keith Richards' autobiography, she wants to talk to him about it, it's been a while since she read it though she still remembers it clear as day. The next one is his stop, she sighs in defeat at her own cowardly nature and takes out her mobile only to look busy.

Harry wants to talk to her, this is the third Thursday in a row, he's afraid there won't be a fourth one. He's back from his last meeting with Jack and Fernando, everything is set to start the renovation. He won't be taking this route anymore, it's now or never. But it's harder than he thought, to approach her and that's it, he doesn't know what he's supposed to do once he stands before her.

The speaker announces his stop, but instead of leaning away from the wall and walking out of the train, he flips the page of his book, letting the doors close and stays on the carriage for the next station. He is so nervous, a bit scared of his bold choice to stay on the line without a well defined plan. He's never been this nervous about talking to someone, the butterflies on his tummy at the mere sight of her are restless. Maybe if he scoots closer, little by little, he can nudge her side and mouth her a polite "hello," a warm smile afterwards so she doesn't think it's a come on. Except it is.

Harry closes his book, deciding that it's stupid and honesty is the best way to anything. He will just greet her and ask if he can buy her a cup of coffee someday, easy, breezy like Jack says. His green eyes follow her out of the train, they just reach Colindale station, before he can process what is going on or even move, the doors close and the vehicle is moving back to the tunnel. Away from her and his last chance. His mouth is dry and it's like he stuffed it to the brim with cotton.

He got off on Burnt Oak and switched direction, he was so mad at himself, the deep frown on his face said it all. This was supposed to be his chick flick moment and he ruined it by not doing anything at all. He keeps his face glued to the door closest to him, waiting for her to come up and smile at him in that knowing way. Perhaps then he would stand tall, mention that cup of coffee after introductions are made and she will agree. But she doesn't come back on the next station, or the three following ones. Harry gets off the train with a cloud looming above him, the wind is blowing in that nasty way that announces a storm following suit. The singer hurries to his home, trying to beat it.

The rain comes out of nowhere in full force just as Harry walks through his front gate, dashing to the inside of his house. He decides to fix himself a light lunch to keep his mind from wondering if she made it to her destination before the rain caught up with her. A text message from Jack does the trick, he sent him the address for Freddie's birthday. Harry can't believe that's tonight.

"Hello stranger," Gemma's voice greets the musician after the second ring. "All right?"

"All right, just forgot about plans I had for the evening," he hated to cancel dinner with his sister, "come with me?" Harry's tone is hopeful, she can almost picture his adorable cherub face, eyes sparkling.

"Is it with your teenage friends?" He hums trying to come up with a lie, "Harry we can have our dinner tomorrow night instead, I don't mind." As much as she loves her brother, that doesn't extend to that certain group of acquaintances.

"They're not that bad!"

"Baby brother, have fun with the lads, I'll see you tomorrow, pick me up at eight o'clock." She states before ending the call. Harry huffs before finishing his veggie wrap and jumps in the shower.

Perhaps he should've told Gemma that his mood tonight wasn't the best, that although he wanted to go out and about, he didn't want to do it alone. But her reasons to avoid his less mature group of mates are valid so he grabs his parka and his phone and, a little stooped, heads for the flat where the party is held.

A few years ago, he set himself three tasks: prioritise friends, learn how to be an adult, achieve a proper balance between the big and the small. Harry genuinely loves the fittings of his outfits before tour, playing his music for thousands. But he realised, as well, that the coolest things are not always the cool things. Tonight he's hearing anecdotes of how his friends sold almost everything they owned, to be able to afford a trip to the World Cup in Russia the year before. He knows that England almost made it to the final, but to see the agony and pain reflected on Freddie's eyes as he tells the story is truly humbling and heartbreaking.

"They had to escort me out, an hour after the match ended." The birthday lad finishes with glossy eyes. "I've never felt so powerless in my life, the world just seemed so unfair from then on, you know?" Harry doesn't, but he nods and finishes his drink. "But enough about good old me, what about you?"

"Same old, touring for a while, back in British soil before I take off again." He doesn't like giving rehearsed answers to his friends, but they're surrounded by at least a dozen people carrying out their own conversations while straining to hear what Styles says.

"Thinking about the next album already?" His friend's amazement is genuine, "can't believe what you'll hit me with next!" Freddie was his rocker friend. The one with an expensive vinyl collection, the one to never miss a Rolling Stones show, the one that religiously attended Glastonbury every year. Remembering this, Harry relaxed and decided to share with him a topic that left him vulnerable.

"You can expect a lot of break up songs that's for sure," he tries to joke but Freddie's smile falters a bit.

"How long has it been?"

"It'll be a year next month." He can't believe it still feels so recent and not at the same time. "I'm getting used to it." Freddie sighs and nods in understanding.

"I'm sorry you have to go through a shit thing like that, you're one of the good ones H," the green eyed musician is blushing, waving his hand at his companion in an attempt to dismiss his words. "It's the truth I mean... look around us, Jack has been on and off with Alexis for years," the two men observe the couple they're discussing, nothing seems wrong with them but Freddie's words are true, Jack has a habit of calling it quits with the redhead once she brings up marriage. "Kiera and Mosas cheat on each other all the time, we're not even sure if they're still together at this point... last but not least you have Alf, Christophe, Ruben and myself, four emotionally unavailable men who can't commit because they can't get their shit together." Silence takes over the two friends, it's deafening even though the background music can be heard loud and clear.

"I made some shitty decisions too, that's what drove her away," Harry wants to continue, the tequila shots seemed to have loosened his tongue.

"No, no, no you listen to me," Freddie's hands hold his younger friend's face carefully. "I know you're not a dishonest scummy man, you're allowed to make mistakes in a relationship and learn from them... don't be like Alf," he lets Harry's face go and nods towards the tallest guy in the room, "he had a brief relationship with a Portuguese girl, charmed her socks off and when she planned to move here guess what he did?"

"What?" Harry knew the answer, but he wanted to give his friend the benefit of the doubt.

"He cuts her off! Ghosting is what they call it nowadays. Just like that... and you think he learned, except that he doesn't!" His friend is now sounding too frustrated. "I saw him do the same thing to Al, perhaps it was a bit different she already lived here but she wanted more and just—" he can't finish his thought and Harry feels for his friend. "We all do that, it's a trend."

"Must be something in the water." The curly one tries to joke and he earns a soft smile from the birthday guy, along with a heartwarming hug. "You can always ring me Freddie, to chat and if I'm home see each other." Harry knows this is something new in their friendship, but he feels it necessary, after so many years of knowing each other. He can tell that Freddie is trying to find his way into adulthood, something that Harry had to experience at a much younger age due to his career.

"Thanks mate, I would really like that." Harry is about to ask Freddie about his family's well-being when a figure entering the room caught his eye, she was wearing the burgundy coat like that first Thursday he was lucky enough to lay eyes on her, high-waisted trousers. The newsboy cap was missing though, but he was glad because it gave her curly hair the freedom it lacked before.

Of all the places where he thought they might meet again, his friend's birthday party was certainly not on the list. She was here, greeting Jack and the others, pulling her sleeve to show how uncomfortable she was at making small talk with Alexis and Keira. She has to crane her neck up a bit when talking to, well pretty much anyone in the room.

This is the miracle he's been waiting for, he thinks just as the song changes to The Beach Boys' and a small smirk threatens to expand on Harry's lips, he does want to ask her if she wants to dance like the sixties tune suggested.

"Harry it's nice to see you again!" Fernando stands in the way blocking the view between the musician and the tube girl. He cringes a bit at the nickname and makes a mental note to learn her name, the sooner the better.

"Fer, I have missed you since we last saw each other earlier today," the architect laughs and so does Freddie. "Would you like a beer?" Forever polite Harry asks.

"No, I'm driving tonight but I'll fetch one for my sister," he says stepping around the bar where Harry and Freddie have been leaning against for the past hour, "I'm starving though, do you mind if I order something Fred?"

"I have some pizza in the fridge man, help yourself." Fernando thanks him before nodding to the person standing behind Harry.

"This beer alright?" Harry turns around just in time to meet a pair of chocolate eyes staring at the guy behind the bar and nod in acceptance. "You already know Freddie and this is Harry," the curly guy is speechless, now up close she seems prettier than before and real. "Harry this is my sister Alma." She smiles in a sweet way that makes the pop star wonder if he's about to go into cardiac arrest.

"I saw you in the tube, Hampstead station guy!" Her voice was nothing like he had imagined, it was raspy and a hint of an accent he couldn't quite put his finger on was swimming through her words.

"That's me..." he admitted, the pink blush from his cheekbones migrating to his ears. Alma thought he looked adorable.

"Do you wanna dance?" She asked after a big gulp of her beer. All star by Smash Mouth just started playing, that was definitely not what Harry wanted to dance with her. Not that he had a secret plan to woo her with his moves, he wasn't the best dancer.

But he took her hand and let her lead the way to the unofficial dance floor, that on a regular day was the dining room. Oblivious to all the eyes focusing on them, Harry allowed himself to enjoy the unexpected turn of events, he had already wasted precious time not talking to this marvellous woman. Like Freddie said, he had to learn from his mistakes, instead of repeating them.

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[quicksilversquared]

The Substitute Ladybug: Chapter 7

After Lila takes things too far and Marinette ends up with a broken leg, Paris is going to have to deal with a different superhero arrangement for a bit. Having to share her superhero identity with her parents before Hawkmoth can be defeated isn’t something that Marinette had planned on doing, but- well, it might end up being a bit of a blessing in disguise.

links in the reblog

Three and a half weeks into her time on crutches, an akuma attack struck when Marinette was halfway across Paris, in the middle of a crowd and with nowhere she could go to transform and then Portal her way back to her bedroom.

She shouldn't have accepted Alya's invitation to go out with her and the other girls for ice cream, but Marinette had just been so tired of not being able to go on outings because her crutches made things difficult. Besides, her physical therapist had encouraged the exercise, because otherwise she was going to lose a lot of muscle tone. So Marinette went, and- well, things had gone relatively well. They couldn't walk and eat their ice cream like usual, but it was fun to get to hang out with her friends outside of school.

And then the akuma showed up, and how was Marinette supposed to safely navigate the fleeing crowds and the akuma's zapping power on crutches? It was impossible, there were no stores nearby that weren't already packed with people, and if she didn't get injured in the stampede- well, then she'd end up as an akuma's zombie, wouldn't she?

Marinette didn't want that to happen. It didn't sound fun, obviously, and also- well, as much as she trusted her mom and Chat Noir, Marinette liked being in control. She liked being involved with the attack and the plan. Part of it was just that she was used to it, as Ladybug, but part...

Well, no one really liked feeling like they were at the mercy of an akuma attack, did they? There had been people who had left Paris and good jobs because they hated it so much.

Regardless of how pointless it was, Marinette propelled herself as fast as she could on her crutches. There was always the off chance that there would be a spot where she could duck in and transform, even if it wasn't likely. Her breath was coming in pants as she pushed herself along, and Marinette gritted her teeth as she got jostled by a couple fleeing people. One particularly hard hit sent her stumbling, cringing as weight landed on her broken leg. With a cry, Marinette fell to the pavement. Behind her, she could hear the akuma's cackling growing closer.

There was no way out now. No way, no way-

And suddenly, Marinette found herself in the air.

"Gotcha, Princess," Chat Noir said cheerfully, leaping over another building. "Unfortunately I couldn't grab your crutches, but with any luck, maybe the Cure will get them back to you. If not, this cat can play fetch."

"Are you sure you're not part-dog?" Marinette teased, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. Chat Noir sent her a frankly offended look before grinning.

"You know that some cats fetch, right? Maybe I'm just that kind."

"Ha ha," Marinette deadpanned, then had to resist the urge to hold on tighter during a slightly harder landing. As much as she hated to admit it- she was a superhero, darn it, and even if she wasn't transformed, she had been carried like this before- having one leg not at 100% made her feel a lot less secure. "Thanks for the save, by the way. I've been lucky enough before to not be out in public when akumas hit."

"It probably helps that there's been fewer attacks, huh?" Chat Noir adjusted his path suddenly, and Marinette looked away from him and out across the rooftops. Several blocks away, she could see Coccinelle approaching. "This'll just take a minute. I want to check in with Coccinelle so that she knows that I'll be running a few minutes late."

Marinette could only nod before Chat Noir was off again, racing across the rooftops. Coccinelle had spotted him coming and paused on a rooftop, watching curiously as they approached. As soon as she recognized Marinette in Chat Noir's arms, her eyebrows crawled into her hairline.

"I'm bringing Marinette back home," Chat Noir told Coccinelle, lifting Marinette slightly as if to show her off. "She was in the crowds near the akuma, and- well, they weren't being very careful if they just knocked over someone on crutches. I just want to make sure that she's safe before I go out."

"Good idea," Coccinelle agreed after a pause. "I'll- well, I might drop into an alleyway for a few minutes and try to get an eye on the situation like Vipera does, with tapping into security cameras. She's not online yet, so it might help to get a jumpstart on the situation."

Chat Noir tensed up, frowning. "I hope she's okay. We have a mind-control akuma on our hands this time, and if she's been hit..."

"I have a feeling that she's fine." Coccinelle's smile got a little wider. "Now, we should probably hurry, dear."

"Right!" Chat Noir straightened, making Marinette yelp as she was jostled. "Sorry, sorry- okay, I'll be right back! Hold on, Marinette!"

With that, they were off again. It took no time at all to reach Marinette's balcony, but much to her surprise, Chat Noir didn't just put her down there. Instead, he carried her inside, all the way down to the kitchen, before settling her down on the couch carefully.

"Stay safe," Chat Noir instructed sternly, glancing around as if to make sure that nothing was going to jump at her from behind the cupboards before patting her shoulder and stepping back. "I'll stop by later to make sure that you get your crutches back, okay?"

Marinette nodded, and Chat Noir was off like a shot.

"Helpful boy," Sass commented, floating out of Marinette's purse at last. "It's convenient that he grabbed you! There was no way that you would have dodged the akuma otherwise."

"Yeah," Marinette agreed. Her heart was still racing because of that. She took a deep breath- being all pumped up on adrenaline and buzzy wasn't going to work very well with the Snake- and let it out slowly, then nodded to herself. "Okay. Sass, transform me!"

  "I almost had a heart attack when I saw that the akuma was over where I knew you and the girls were getting ice cream," Mrs. Cheng told Marinette once the battle had finished and she had returned to the house. "I mean, I'm sure that Chat Noir and I could have managed, but it's just that we've gotten so used to you helping out and being our failsafe that the prospect of having to go without just felt unsafe." She sent a sly smile in Marinette's direction. "That was nice of Chat Noir to bring you home, though, wasn't it? He really went out of his way for it."

Marinette tried (and failed, probably) not to turn red at the teasing hint in her mom's voice. "I was really glad when he showed up. Someone had knocked me over when they were running away from the akuma. I was a bit worried that I would get trampled, and I bet he was, too. That's why he grabbed me."

Mrs. Cheng was smiling. "And carried you across the city... and to our house... and down to the living room..."

Marinette didn't have an answer for that. Usually when she and Chat Noir saved civilians- which wasn't regularly, by now they figured that most people knew to get out of the way on their own or knew the risks of staying close by and besides, they had to focus on the akuma and trying to save everyone individually was impractical- it was because the person in question was getting targeted specifically and they didn't usually go further than they needed to. Her mom was right- going to such measures to help what appeared to be a random civilian was a little odd.

But she was on crutches, and- well, she wasn't exactly random, was she? Even if she ignored the whole Ladybug and Guardian thing, Marinette had interacted with Chat Noir before. She had helped out with Evillustrator, and then there was the whole brunch fiasco. He had saved her when her grandma turned into Befana. He knew her on a more personal level, and that combined with seeing her struggling on her crutches (which hadn't been returned by the Miraculous Cure, unfortunately) had probably been enough to warrant the Gold Star treatment.

"That close call didn't seem to throw you off at all, though," Mrs. Cheng commented after a minute. She poured herself a cup of tea, giving it a gentle swirl before trying a sip. "I was worried that it might, but that was a very smooth fight. It helped that there was just an akuma, of course, and not the full supervillain force, but it still went quite well. I think Chat Noir is enjoying being able to hang around a little at the end of the attacks." She sent a smile Marinette's way. "Not that he won't enjoy having you back more, of course. He keeps asking how much longer you're going to be on crutches and then pouting when the answer isn't oh, she'll be back tomorrow."

Marinette had to smile at that. That sounded very much like Chat Noir.

"Sometime he acts like it's been a year since he had seen or heard from you last," her mom added with a small laugh. "Instead of just under a month since he's seen you in person. The way he carries on sometime, you would think that it's been absolutely forever."

"It feels like forever!" Marinette complained, slumping in her seat. "I knew when I got the cast put on that it would be a while before I could do things normally again, but this is ridiculous. I just want to get back out and running around again."

"You have to be patient, or you could run the risk of re-injuring yourself," Mrs. Cheng reminded her. She smiled. "Chat Noir and I are getting along fine. And I'll even have him turned into a perfect gentleman by the time you're returned."

Marinette's frown deepened and she straightened abruptly, giving her mom a dismayed look. "Wait, what do you mean, turning him into a gentleman? Chat Noir is great already! I don't need him to be opening doors for me, or carrying my things, or- or-"

"No- oh, that came out wrong," Mrs. Cheng exclaimed. "And maybe gentleman is the wrong thing to call it. It comes with behavior implications, I suppose. It's just- well, it's just like when you were younger and acted up sometimes, and I would talk to you about it. Or about any concerns I had, really, it didn't have to be just misbehaving."

Marinette sighed and drooped again. "Oh. You're mothering him."

"You say that like it's a bad thing!" Mrs. Cheng protested. "Or like he doesn't like it. He appreciates it, he really does."

Marinette hummed, not entirely convinced. Chat Noir was a teenage boy, and what teenage boy appreciated being told off or talked to about the stuff they were doing by someone who wasn't even their parent? None of them, probably. It was one thing to give him advice when he asked for it, but parental scolding was completely different.

If that was what was going on, that was. Though Marinette really couldn't think of what her mom could possibly be scolding Chat Noir about. Their battles were short and focused all the time now- with Vipera giving out all of the instructions, battle time banter had been cut down to a minimum so that they didn't get distracted- and there really wasn't anything that could go that wrong during their twice-a-week patrols.

Maybe- maybe it was all Chat Noir asking questions and her mom just wasn't communicating that very well?

"I promise, I'm not trying to change who he is at heart," Mrs. Cheng promised. "I'm not trying to make him act in a really specific way or anything. I wouldn't do that."

Marinette nodded at last, deciding to take her mom at her word, at least for now. Maybe she could call up Chat Noir some other time as Vipera and make sure that Coccinelle wasn't stepping over any lines, but that could wait for a bit.

On the counter, her mom's phone buzzed with a message. Mrs. Cheng picked it up, then made a slight face. "Ah, Tom wants some help with prepping dough for tomorrow. Will you be all right up here?" She glanced over at Marinette, her frown deepening when she noticed the lack of crutches. "Except you don't have your crutches- did they get left near the akuma site? I don't want you to be stranded in one place because you can't get around." Mrs. Cheng glanced from her phone to the clock to Marinette, concern growing on her face. "I want to go get them now, but..."

"Chat Noir said that he would bring my crutches back after the battle," Marinette assured her hastily. "If the Cure didn't bring them back, that is. So I bet that he's recharging and then he'll bring them over. I'll be fine."

"And if Marinette wants to move, she can just transform," Sass piped up from where he was munching on a small snack on the table. "I can add a pair of crutches to the transformation and she can just use those! We'd just have to be careful to not still be transformed when Chat Noir comes over."

Mrs. Cheng laughed at that, then covered her mouth. "Oh, I shouldn't find that funny, because I know that you've said that you aren't ready to do a reveal yet, but I was just imagining the look on Chat Noir's face if he came over with Marinette's crutches, only to find Vipera in our living room and figure out that he had, by complete chance, saved Ladybug from the akuma. You'd be able to knock him over with a feather, I just know it."

Marinette grinned at the mental image. As much as they weren't ready for a reveal- yeah, it would be a pretty funny reaction. "I think I'll leave the transformation option for a last resort, if I need to use the bathroom or something. Otherwise, I can just wait for Chat Noir to come. Unless something comes up, I doubt that he'll take long."

"If you're sure." Mrs. Cheng glanced around, making sure that she hadn't forgotten anything, and then with one last smile, headed back down to the bakery. Marinette settled herself on the couch, picking up her phone as she did. It was flashing with messages, and she opened them to find Alya and her other friends being super worried about where she had gone. She shot back a quick message assuring them that she was safe and Chat Noir had brought her home so that she would be out of harm's way- hopefully they wouldn't read into that and decide that Chat Noir had a crush on her or something ridiculous like that- and then flipped through her phone some more, idly browsing the Ladyblog and the superheroes' tag online. Once again, people were praising Coccinelle and Chat Noir for the short fight, gushing over their teamwork. Marinette wrinkled her nose when she spotted a couple comments about how 'clearly Coccinelle and Chat Noir make a better team', but she wasn't going to let it bother her, not anymore.

It was only going to be a couple weeks more before they made an announcement that would shed a little- but hopefully not too much- light on how much Ladybug was helping behind the scenes. They would see what the people dissing the normal superhero partnership thought about it then.

Only a minute later, there was a soft thump from upstairs. Marinette put her phone away, glancing upwards, and Sass quickly vanished under the counter before the trapdoor opened and Chat Noir appeared. He had her crutches tucked neatly under one arm as he trotted down the stairs and directly to her.

"I hope I didn't keep you waiting long," Chat Noir told her, presenting her crutches grandly before leaning them up against the side of the couch, well within her reach. "And that even if the Cure didn't bring your crutches back, it at least dealt with whatever bruising you might have gotten from getting knocked over."

"It did," Marinette assured him hastily. "It was hurting, but the Cure came by and fixed me right back up. Or back to where I had been, at least."

"Yeah, it's unfortunate that it can't heal your leg entirely. At least I'm assuming it can't, at least." Chat Noir stepped closer, seeming to hesitate for a moment before taking a seat on the couch next to her. "Is there anything else I can do to help? I can do something while I'm here, if you need. If there's anything from your room- I'm assuming that you're sleeping somewhere else? It looked a bit more unused that I'm used to."

Marinette couldn't help but smile. This was classic Chat Noir, always helpful. Though- well, that than I'm used to was a bit odd, wasn't it? He had only been in her room a couple times, and mostly when there were akumas to focus on. Noticing that it wasn't getting used was normal enough- after all, all of her bedding was gone- but surely he hadn't actually remembered her room well enough from those few times to be used to what it looked like. "That's sweet of you to offer, but I think I'm good. And yeah, my parents have a guest room that I'm using, so that I wouldn't have to deal with two more flights of stairs."

"That's nice that you have that option," Chat Noir commented. "Crutches and stairs- yeah, it's not the best combination, is it?"

"Oh, not at all." Marinette made a face. She had been trying to learn how to go up stairs on her crutches- short flights only, and only when she didn't have another option- but it was hard. There were just too many moving parts, and too many things that could snag on the stairs and too many shifts in balance to keep track of. "I'm lucky that we got to have stair lifts put in the house. If I had to be restricted to just one level unless someone else was around to move me up and down the stairs, or if I had to just, like, sit on the stairs to go up or down..."

It wouldn't be any fun at all, and the whole six weeks on crutches would drag out even more than it already was. And considering that she still had two and a half weeks to go...

Well, it really would feel like eternity then. She would probably end up abusing the Horse's powers just a little bit, just to be able to not have to always be on the same floor.

"Ooh, yeah, having everything on one floor would be a lot better," Chat Noir agreed. "Which your place...does not. At all."

That was an understatement.

"Anyway, I guess if you're all set... I should probably go." Chat Noir glanced around, then got up. "See you around?"

Marinette glanced up at him. Chat Noir was acting twitchy, like he did on evenings when rain threatened to cancel their patrols but he really didn't want to go home. She had never asked why, but it was easy enough to guess that he was probably pretty ignored and lonely. She was ahead on her schoolwork, so it wasn't like there was anything that she needed to be doing right now. "Actually... would you like to play a couple rounds of Mecha Strike before you go?"

The way Chat Noir perked up was all the answer she needed.

  It ended up being way more than 'a couple rounds' before Chat Noir finally noticed the time and took off, hastily thanking Marinette for the game before he fled out the kitchen balcony. Marinette giggled as she watched him go, frantically pumping his arms and legs as though that was going to help him go any faster.

"I should check and see if Mama and Papa need any help," Marinette told Sass once Chat Noir had jumped out of view. She pushed herself up, reaching for her crutches. "They don't normally take this long to do next-day dough prep. I wonder if something broke?"

"It would be nice to be able to move around a little," Sass agreed, flying over to perch on Marinette's shoulder. "I know you didn't mean to, but you've been sitting a lot today. It's probably a good idea to get up."

"I've not been sitting any more than I normally would on a school day!" Marinette protested, but she could see where Sass was making a point. She had been sitting pretty much since Chat Noir snatched her off of the ground, hours earlier, and at school she was at least getting up between classes and moving around for a few minutes.

It didn't take long for Marinette to hop her way over to her chair lift and start downstairs. Her parents were nowhere to be seen in the front of the bakery- which made sense, since it was closed for the day and most of their equipment was in back anyway- so Marinette headed for the main kitchens instead, starting to push open the kitchen door and then pausing when she heard her name mentioned.

"- so I just want to make sure that Chat Noir knows how to pick up on it and figure out what he can do."

"Has he responded well to it?" Mr. Dupain asked over the clatter of dishes dropping into the sink. "Can you tell?"

"Of course he has, he only wants to be able to help her. And he hadn't realized how much different the levels of stress are, literally all the time. He's picked up when it's gotten really bad, of course, but not realized that it's a constant thing." Mrs. Cheng paused, and Marinette could hear the sound of dough being kneaded against the table. "So I've been working with him on patrols to pick up on more subtle signs of stress and to be able to recognize when it's a good time to joke around and when it would just be an unwelcome distraction, and how to differentiate playful flirting and pushing boundaries. He's been lovely about it. He hadn't realized- it's poor teaching from his parents rearing its head up again."

"I mean, it's a best case scenario, isn't it?" Mr. Dupain turned on the dishwasher, raising his voice a bit to be heard over the rush of water. "He just didn't realize, instead of being at least partially aware and not bothering to adjust what he was doing."

"Exactly. He's a sweet boy, and while it may take a little for him to really learn how to recognize the more hidden signs of stress, he's willing to learn." There was a smile in Mrs. Cheng's voice. "And he's been asking for ideas on how to help out to keep stress from becoming an issue and coming up with his own ideas to run by me. We've definitely talked about how he can help out more, and brainstormed ways for him to take on a bit more responsibility, both during battles and outside of them. It's- well, it's a little difficult to start implementing right away, of course, since Vipera changes battles so much, but we can talk over scenarios during patrols."

"The only problem with that, of course, is that he's not getting in practice with his changed behavior, so it might be really easy for him to fall back into old habits once Ladybug returns," Mr. Dupain commented. There was the hum of another machine now, and Marinette recognized it as the dough roller. They were working on croissants now, probably, which meant that they were really behind schedule. "But then he should hopefully just need a reminder or two to realize when he's slipped. The problem, I think, would just be the question of how to remind him, since he can't know who we are." A pause. "Or who you are, more specifically. Since he's only really met me the once."

"I'm sure I could figure something out. And- Tom, the roller is freezing up again. I really think we need to call for someone to come in and look at it first thing tomorrow morning, we can't be babysitting it all the time to get it to work."

"Of course! And- hmm. Can you unplug the machine? I'll just finish up this batch by hand."

Marinette carefully closed the door silently as the topic of conversation shifted back to regular bakery business, then pivoted herself around to head back upstairs. She couldn't exactly be of any help with the croissants- Marinette didn't know enough about the machines to be able to pick out any problems and fix them, and actually rolling out the dough took a lot of arm strength and weight. Her parents probably didn't want her eavesdropping anyway, and she could maybe start on some dinner prep while they wrestled the last of the Sunday evening preparations together.

"So that's what your mom meant when she was talking about making Chat Noir a gentleman," Sass commented as Marinette's chair lift hummed back up the stairs again. "That's not bad, is it? She's working to help improve your teamwork."

Marinette nodded, ducking her head to hide her smile. "Yeah. It's really nice."

"And it's helping you two move closer to being able to do a reveal!" Tikki piped up, appearing in front of Marinette and making her jump enough that she very nearly toppled out of the lift. "Which is very good!"

"You- you can't just pop out of nowhere like that, Tikki!" Marinette exclaimed, one hand pressed to her chest and the other clutching the lift's armrest tight enough that her knuckles turned white. "You scared me!"

Tikki giggled. "Sorry! But I sensed you listening in, and I wanted to come check in on you and make sure that you weren't seeing your mom as interfering when she's really helping."

"I know she's helping, it's really nice that she's talking to him about that stuff- wait!" Marinette cut herself off, the other part of what Tikki had said sinking in. She frowned. "I thought that we couldn't do a reveal unless something went wrong or Hawkmoth got defeated, Tikki! It's what you've drilled into my head from the start. And what- what about the consequences? Last time Chat Noir knew who I was- well, Chat Blanc happened, didn't it?"

"There are consequences if you reveal too soon and aren't ready for it," Tikki corrected her, floating down to land on her lap. "And while there are dangers no matter what when more people know your identity... well, if you know each other outside of the mask, then you can support each other all the time. You can know where the other person is when an akuma attacks. You can talk about Guardian information in a place that isn't open rooftops. But reveals do change things, and that's why we always start off recommending that you keep your identity secret!"

"Change things how-" Marinette started, and then paused, frowning. "Actually, I think I know what you mean. It could throw off the dynamic, and- well, we don't exactly have the time or the wriggle room to fix our dynamic if we really screw it up, not with Hawkmoth hovering around the corner all the time."

Tikki nodded proudly. "Exactly! You've always known each other as superheroes, and that shapes your perception, even if you know that under that mask, there's a normal civilian like you. But once the masks come off and you get to know each other as civilians- well, depending on if you know them and how well, your perception of what they're able to do might change. Even though you know better! But if you two are ready for a reveal- well, the concerns don't vanish, but they do go down a bit. Like, instead of taking twenty fights to get your perceptions back to pretty much where they had been, it'll just take two, and it shouldn't start out as bad."

"So even though we haven't been seeing each other in person, we're getting closer?" Marinette checked. "That- I mean, I understand how that's happening, it just seems counterintuitive."

Tikki nodded. "I'm not surprised! But sometimes you need to shake up the status quo for maturation to really get going again, and this whole situation- no matter how unfortunate it's been- has forced both of you out of your comfort zones. You've had to adjust to different roles within your team, and now you have another long-term team member, one who is bringing different life experience to your team. Having your parents knowing about you means that you can go to them for advice, instead of muddling through strictly on your own. Not that muddling is bad!" Tikki added hastily. "It's a good thing, to a point. Being able to be independent and solve your own problems is great, but it's also nice to talk to others and see how they might have approached it. Sometimes it turns out that your own approach was better, for whatever reason- maybe because you know your relationship with Chat Noir better, or there were other factors that your parents don't know about but you do, whether consciously or not- but sometimes talking it over can give you more ideas for in the future."

"Right," Marinette said at once. That was easy enough to understand, actually. She had done something similar before, going through comments on the Ladyblog when she had the time and reading over what some of the commenters thought that she and Chat Noir should have done instead to see if there was anything that she hadn't thought of any might be able to incorporate in the future. Most were fairly useless as far as suggestions went, or completely impractical, but occasionally there was a useful comment.

(Unsurprisingly enough, those kinds of comments were usually framed less as 'they should have done thing x' and more as 'I wonder if thing x would have worked?' instead.)

"But that applies for both battle things and personal things," Tikki added. "And then- well, your relationship can grow that way. And you two will have to do most of the work. But I think that this is going to help a lot! Most teenaged holders take years to really grow to fit together seamlessly enough that they would be able to do a reveal in these conditions."

"Tikki!" Mrs. Cheng called up the stairs. "Would you mind flying into the machine for a moment? Tom thinks he's found the jam, we just can't see for sure."

"Coming!" Tikki called, then turned back to Marinette. "Don't be worried about the reveal, Marinette, or try to force yourself into growth early. I just wanted to let you know about it with plenty of time so that you have some time to adjust to the idea before it become reality."

With that, she zipped off. Marinette watched her go for a moment, then pushed herself to her feet to head to the next leg of the lift.

She hadn't really given much thought to a reveal with her partner, ever since she had revealed to her parents. The emergency had been dealt with, and so it meant that things could continue as usual with her relationship with her partner- or as close to usual as they could get until she could return to the battlefield, at least. They had always planned on doing a reveal if they could after Hawkmoth had been dealt with, but that- well, it seemed like a years away sort of thing. Not because they thought that they couldn't beat him now, just...

Well, sometimes it felt like they were running in place, struggling to keep up with the new things that Hawkmoth threw at them and the losses of their allies.

But now Tikki was saying that it might happen sooner. That they might not have to wait. That sometime in the not-so-distant future, she and Chat Noir might be able to know each other outside of the masks, and not have it have the terrible repercussions that she so feared. That it could help her get more support- and help her support Chat Noir- instead.

As far as silver linings for bad situations went... well, that was pretty good.

#Miraculous Ladybug #My writing #The Substitute Ladybug #marinette dupain cheng

[sundaywonder]

the lost song : yoonmin

Getting ready to start fresh in life, physical education professor Park Jimin is just waiting to migrate to Australia with his daughter and girlfriend. Everything gets topsy-turvy when world-class music producer Min Yoongi—and also his secret ex-boyfriend—comes back home to South Korea to marry his it-girl fiancé. If that wasn’t bad enough for Jimin, Yoongi invites him to the wedding. It gets worse; it leaves him no choice but accept it to avoid spilling the beans.

Although the worst happened back then, it’s not enough for their forsaken what-ifs and unsaid feelings from making itself clear. The situation makes Jimin realize how jaded he was without Yoongi all the years they were apart—and vice versa. As they slowly pick up the broken pieces of the past, reality hits hard back at them again. There are two choices: to give up on love and live in the present or to run away and never look back.

Genre: Romance, Adult Fiction, Melodrama, Erotica

Fandom: BTS, BLACKPINK, Red Velvet, IU

Pairing: Suga & Jimin, Jimin & Rosé, Suga & Jennie, IU & Jungkook, Wendy & j-hope

Rating: M or R-18 — contains sensitive themes, strong language and graphic depiction of sexual activity

Status: Ongoing — 6/12

Link: Wattpad, ao3

Excerpt: The Flower Bloomed — 10 Years Ago

Yoongi, 20

I hurriedly go down the stairs while vigorously drying my head with a towel. I knew I would oversleep. Aside from being a deep sleeper, I’m also not used to waking up as early as 7 a.m. Nine is still pretty early if you’d ask me. The cool air last night made everything even worse. I shouldn’t have opened the windows.

Good thing my grandma heard Aunt Hyeja yelling outside our house. If she didn’t, I wouldn’t have even noticed that her and our other neighbors’ missed calls and text messages.

“Make sure none of the kids get injured, okay? We don’t have money for their hospital bills if ever,” reminds grandma as she followed me down. I don’t hear and comprehend what she said until five seconds later.

“Got it. Bye.” When I get out of our gate, I immediately see Aunt Hyeja who was waiting for me outside.

“We’ll get going, Auntie Dooshim!” exclaims Aunt Hyeja.

“Alright, have a safe trip!”

“I’m so sorry, Auntie. I really am.” She walks so briskly that I have a hard time catching up with her. Regardless, I feel like that’s how should it be; I must walk maybe two or three steps behind her after what I’ve done.

“Don’t think about it anymore. The kids are already in there. You know our numbers so contact us immediately if anything goes wrong. There’s a ton of food on the table so feed yourselves when you get hungry. Don’t leave at least one of them unattended. Never attend to the gate if it’s a stranger and refrain from telling them that an adult is not present—oh, how old are you again?”

“Twenty.”

“My bad. It slipped my mind that you’re already an adult. Anyway, did you understand everything clearly?” I just nod. Aunt Hyeja doesn’t seem to be mad but it’s fairly obvious that she’s already dying to leave. I discreetly peek at her watch which says 7:15 a.m. I can’t help but shake my head. I reminded myself endless times to do well in this babysitting gig but I still ended up ruining the first thing about it. There must be something really wrong with me.

After arriving in front of the home of my best friends, brothers Seokjin and Taehyung, she tells me, “Also, your Aunt Misun told me that Jimin won’t be able to attend the excursion because he’s sick. He’s going to be home alone today so I told him that he can contact you if he needs anything.”

I gulped as soon as I heard Jimin’s name and forced myself to act nonchalant. “W-what happened to him?” It was definitely hard to do so.

“He has fever,” she replied. “Don’t you guys get more written projects in lieu of not attending out-of-the-classroom activities?”

“Yes.”

“So, does it mean you like completing paperworks instead of attending trips and such?” I just let out a fake chuckle and nodded. I’m sure it wouldn’t sit with her when I say that I don’t like socializing and going to places with a lot of people. Aunt Hyeja is a social butterfly and—I don’t want to sound like I’m judging her (but maybe I am)—she’s not exactly the type of person to bother understand things deeper if it doesn’t concern her. Besides, it’s lengthy and we’re not that close for me to open up to her. An awkward giggle is probably better than an explanation.

The Kims already left when I entered and all the four kids were sleeping on the sofa in the living room, not even noticing my entrance. I decide to just sit on the floor and watch TV in low volume. My body is asking for me to sleep so badly that pinching myself isn’t working anymore. A faint regret is starting to form in my chest but I cut it out immediately.

After getting bored of the morning makjang drama that I forced myself to watch, I turn around to check on them. Jingoo—a cousin of Seokjin and Taehyung, as well as Namjoon who is also a cousin of the two—is already up but still lying on his stomach while silently watching the drama with me. Our eyes meet but he doesn’t say a word and just shifts his eyes back at the screen.

“Have you eaten breakfast yet?” I ask. Jingoo just nods. “What did you eat?”

“Seaweed rice balls and jeon.”

“Tell me when you’re hungry.” He just nods once again.

Our conversation awakens Taejoon, Chanbin and Yeongyu. Unlike Jingoo, they wanted to eat so I prepared the food that was left for us. Being alone with these kids who I barely know suddenly makes me feel weird for some reason. It’s probably because I don’t have any experience in babysitting. So far, it’s an alright deal. The money is good and you practically get paid to stay at home.

I leave them and go back to the living room, sitting beside Jingoo’s feet who hasn’t moved an inch ever since he woke up. “Where did they go?” He asks, not moving his eyes from the screen.

“A trip.”

“Event aunt and uncle? I thought it was a school trip.”

I let out a sigh and close my eyes. Some sort of hot energy constantly forms in my head the longer I talk to this kid.  “I don’t know why. Ask them when they come back later.”

It got rowdy when they started to play. This is way worse than I imagined. Toy cars and guns are all over the place and I need to remind them every two to three minutes that they shouldn’t be shooting bullets on the TV screen, as well as the vases and figurines. None of my words seem to get to their tiny heads.

I take back what I said. I don’t want to this ever again. I wasn’t like this when I was a kid. Even my friends. We weren’t anything like this. Not even close. We were well-liked by the neighborhood in general because of that.

Out of the blue, my phone suddenly vibrated. My heart almost dropped on the floor when I read Jimin’s name on the screen.

[JIMIN :)

1 NEW MESSAGE]

All of a sudden, my heart started to pound like it wanted to get out of my chest. I took a deep breath before flipping my phone and pressing View.

[JIMIN :)

Hey, can I go there? It’s getting a little boring here.]

[ME (draft)

Of course! Bring what you need!]

I delete it before I could even think twice. I cringed at what I just typed.

[ME (draft)

Okay, but it’s a little loud here]

Maybe not. He might end up not going if I say that.

[ME

Sure]

[JIMIN :)

I’ll bring ramen]

[ME (draft)

Okay]

I press the end call button and just fold my phone instead. I immediately go to the bathroom and wash my face with soap and water. I run my wet hands through my hair as well. Just as I got out, someone knocked on the door.

“Don’t shoot on anything!” I yell before walking out the door.

“Hey,” greets Jimin as soon as I open the gate. Unlike his usual self, the gloomy aura surrounding him can be clearly felt. His face and shoulders seem wretched as well.

“Are you alright? You look so pale.”

“Trying to be.”

“Stay in Seokjin’s or Taehyung’s room if you want to get some rest. It’s a little rowdy in the living room.”

“Thanks. I’ll go text him.”

As soon as I hear Seokjin’s bedroom door close, I make an announcement to the kids. “Jimin’s sick. Don’t make any loud noises from now on.” It did subside but only for a short while. “You kids, anyone who makes loud noises will not get to eat lunch.” They stop playing tok look at me with a weird expression on their faces, as if they’ve never heard someone say such a thing to them before. A hint of fear can also be seen. I fucked up again, didn’t I?

Unlike what I said, I started to prepare lunch when the clock hit noon. The kids gathered at the table and chowed down as soon as the food was ready. Meanwhile, I got my own food and ate in the living room.

[ME (draft)

Hey, lunch is ready. Can you go down here?]

[ME

Lunch is ready, feel free to eat here.]

[JIMIN :)

What’s for lunch?]

[ME

Pork belly, barbecue, dumplings, rice and kimchi]

[JIMIN :)

Damn, will go there ASAP]

I wipe the droplets of sweat on my forehead. My breath keeps on running as if they are trying to get away from something… or someone. I don’t know. I don’t even want to think about this. It only makes me go crazier and crazier. Even my well-trained emotional suppression skills are barely working. Helpless, hopeless—that’s what I am.

“Hey!”

“Shit!” I hold to my chest in shock and turn around. “I-it’s you.”

“Yes, it’s me. You okay? You’re deep in your thoughts that you didn’t even notice me pass in front of you,” asks Jimin.

I shake my head. “I just zoned out.”

“Shit!” Taejoon mimicks while the other three laugh.

“Shit!” Chanbin and Yeongyu repeat in unison which makes them laugh even harder.

“Are you kids an adult to say that?” I ask.

“Shit!” The three exclaim, not even bothering to answer me.

Suddenly, I hear Jimin giggle softly—making me look back at him. “So, you can already laugh. Feeling better now?”

He just nods with a faint smile and takes a spoonful of kimchi stew. “Mmm, delicious. Did you cook?”

“Nope, one their parents probably.”

Neither of us talked after that; I just pretended the focus on my food while his eyes wandered around the place. Even though it feels like I need to say something, not a single word’s coming to my mind. My mouth is left agape from the urge to speak but not knowing what to say. For some reason, it seems to me that he’s feeling the same way. But how can I know for sure?

The kids come back to the living room not long after they have finished eating. I couldn’t thank the heavens enough; this is the only time today that I’ve actually become happy about their presence. Before they can even settle on their seats, I stand up to play the first Disney DVD my hand landed on: The Incredibles.

Jimin passes behind me so I look at him. He’s bringing my dirty plate with him to the kitchen. “Hey, s-sorry. You didn’t have to.”

He looks back and says, “Huh?”

“The plate.”

“Psh. It’s nothing.”

I follow him to the sink where he’s silently washing the dishes. He almost looks like he’s zoned out and submerged in his deep thoughts.

“Hey!” I jokingly yell from his back.

“Sh—!” He accidentally loses his grip on the plate he’s holding. It falls back to the sink, causing a small chip on the edge. “Oh, no…”

“I’m so sorry,” I say as I try to catch my breath. The plate looks expensive with all those blue Chinese prints. It most definitely came from an expensive dinnerware collection and Mrs. Kim would kill me if she sees this. I might have to babysit for nine or ten more times just to pay for the damage.

“Don’t worry about it. It was an accident.”

“But it looks expensive!”

“I was the one who lost grip on it, what are you being so worried about?” Jimin says with a faint giggle. I’m not buying it; he doesn’t sound amused at all. “Also, wanna watch?” He nonchalantly asks.

“This?” I ask back, pointing at the TV.

He just shakes his head. “Seokjin has a big collection up there.” I just looked blankly at him, deliberately making it obvious that I need more details to get what he’s saying. “Sola Aoi, Asami Yuma, Haruna Hana and so much more. We have everything we need up there!” I feel my whole body suddenly heat up upon hearing what he just said and my legs seem like they want to give up on me. “Hey, you okay?”

“Th-the kids…”

He takes a peek at them. “They’re already asleep.”

I look back at the kids and close my eyes in panic. Images of him being half-naked while beating off instantly flash in my mind. I vigorously shake my head along those thoughts. I can’t count how many times I saw him naked in the past. We even used to take a bath together along with the other guys when were younger. But this time everything’s different, especially to me, and it sucks big time. “Okay, then…”

He opens the dish dryer and puts all the now-squeaky clean plates, glasses, spoons and forks. “Don’t be so nervous. They’ll probably stay asleep until twilight or something.”

“Maybe,” I replied to him even if his words just seemed to bounce against my head. Naked. Naked. Naked. My mind just doesn’t seem to get tired about this goddamn word and keeps asking for more. Now, even the way he looks and smiles at me is starting to mean something else.

Jimin grabs my arm and pulls me until we reach Seokjin’s room. Before I could even react, the door was already locked and his pants and underwear were on the floor. My manhood starts to throb and harden as soon as my eyes lands on his half-naked body. He’s grown much bigger and thicker ever since I last saw him. That was a few years ago—same situation as now but with Hoseok and Taehyung, minus the feelings. To stop myself from completely breaking down out of panic and ruining everything for good, including our friendship, I just turn my head at a random teddy bear on Seokjin’s bed.

I sit beside him on the carpet and before also taking off my short pants and underwear. A strange kind of electricity seemed to charge on my body when I saw him look at my manhood. His mouth slightly gaped but he immediately closed it and focused on operating the DVD player. Since the tapes weren’t labeled, we don’t know what those contained. Jimin chooses just whatever. The video begins, and we see Sola Aoi who was wearing a provocative nurse uniform enter the hospital room where the middle-aged male patient was in.

I lean on the bed to relax and force myself to focus on the film. Jimin’s already starting to touch himself. He looks back at me with an unexplainable expression in his eyes. It’s been a while since I did this with them but I’m sure we didn’t look at each other while beating off, or maybe I’m just forcing weird meanings. At this point, I can’t even trust myself anymore.

I couldn’t help but start to actually beat off as soon as Sola started to moan. All of us in our group likes her the most for how irresistible she sounds when she’s getting fucked. It makes the film feel like 5D.

The film already ended but neither of us reached climax yet. When I was almost there, I stopped. I don’t know why but I felt like I needed to do so. As I try to catch my breath, I watch him while he did his business.

To my surprise, Jimin also stops and joins me in leaning on the bed, panting hard. He looked at me straight in the eyes, then his gaze dropped on my lips. “They look dry…”

Before I even knew it, our lips were all over each other and his tongue has successfully penetrated my mouth. Jimin’s hands start to explore inside my shirt before pulling it off of me. He removes his own next. My hands are frozen on his groin in disbelief. Everything seems like a dream but all of these are a hundred percent real.

“Jimin…” I mindlessly say.

“Do whatever you want to do to me.” He grabs my hand and places it on top of his manhood. “Don’t hold back.”

I pull his head and kiss him hard before pushing him down. Only God and I know how much he looks good with nothing on but his golden rolo chain necklace. “As long as you let me, I won’t.”

—

If you’re reading until here, thank you so much! The Wattpad and ao3 links where you can read the whole story are available above.

#yoonmin #yoongi #jimin #bts fic #bts smut #professor!jimin #producer!yoongi #yoonmin fic #btspink #btsvelvet #iukook #wenhope #jirose #yoonnie #blackpink #red velvet #model!jennie #artist!rose #namjoon #j-hope #hoseok #rm #suga #v #taehyung #jin #seokjin #jungkook #lee jieun #bts fanfic

[fyexo]

(TRANS) 200211 zkdlin comment replies [part 2]

Fan: what is our raennie doing right now Kai: raennie got a nosebleed bc it’s (the weather) dryㅠㅜ cries my heart is torn Fan: Oppa, what kind of anime are you watching? Kai: Manhwa? The most recent .. Yowamushi Pedal (겁쟁이 페달) Fan: E(xo) kAi,, Kim Jongin,, X(aranghae),, O(ppa) 🐻 Berlin🇩🇪 Deadly (=KAI) capital city of German Kai : reminds me of Buddy Buddy Fan: jongin-ie are you looking at the comments one by one? Very cute, really! Kai: That's right!! Fan: I can’t speak korean, i love exo, *jon-ginnie is so sweet ** Kai: *jon-ginnie ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ (*typo) Ravi: Should I reply here? Kai: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋboss? Fan: Im a 3rd year senior high school student, I am laughing while reading the comments, Jongin oppa i love you..😭 Kai: Me too Hwaiting ㅎㅎ Fan: sleep well and don’t forget to eat oppa ♡♡ Kai: why am i eaten ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ Fan: jongin ah i wanna get off work.. Kai: i know that feeling too well.. Fan: Ukrainian EXO-Ls love you. Kai, thank you for everything. Please come to Ukraine Kai: I want to go! Fan: Oppa, i've tried my best...please tell me to go studyㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ Kai: ..why are you alone!! Fan: jongin-ah im not too late right? Kai: join us ㅎㅎ Fan: you are a cute man Kai: that’s right, more than I thought Fan: i rushed to be here after hearing jongin's replies news while playing maplestory Kai: the one who got killed by ballock while going to maple orbis is me, the one who quit after got killed while going down from the orbis tower and locked up in omega sector is me Fan: Oppa was so cool that i hit my forehead Kai: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋHow much do you hitㅋㅋㅋㅋ Fan: Oppa, was the bread and pasta you ate earlier tasty? Kai: I ate to live Kai: my battery is at 8% if it dies I have to sleep Fan: Oppa, please ask me to study Kai: You need to do what's rightㅎㅎ Fan: Im attacked by jongin's replies so i can't study, love them and going crazy.. i have no idea why i'm a 12th grader, jongin you're my answer, i love you Kai: how could one study all day long right? Fan: jongin ah let’s approve cherry now 🍒🍒🍒 Kai: I can’t approve Fan: no, i really love you a bit ㅋ Kai: I’m disappointed if it’s only a bit, love me a lot Fan: I heard really nice words so I want to share it with Jongin too. If I write on the comment section, a lot of EXO-L will see it too right? Event if it's tough, don't compare yourself to others, instead only think about the fact that you're doing your best now!!! Let's not have regrets later thinking we should've worked harder!!! Let's be an honorable person for you future self~~ ❤️❤️ love you Kai: me too ❤️ Fan: im late for school Kai: Noㅜ Fan: Jongin-ah help me, pepperoni or potato pizza? It's a concern Kai: these days it’s about going half and half Fan: isn’t Tweety also attractive? Kai: it’s not bad Fan: eariler during the live, you only pretended to eat the pasta right? Kai: i got caught..!! Fan: Jongin, i really like you..ah..eventhough my profile is chanyeol, i really like jongin~❤️❤️ Kai: it doesn't matter ❤️❤️ Fan: please give me strength on this bad day 😢😢 Kai: i'm here now Fan: oppa what’s the last movie you watched? Hehe Kai: I watched Veronica and am thinking of watching The Visit Fan: Jongin-ah the shoelaces always keep coming off Kai: it’s a problem... a big problem Fan: kim jongin, right now feels like the world is yours right? think about it because the whole universe is yours Kai: i’m not sure about that but you are mine Fan: oppa when you watch horror movie, doesn’t that make you not able to sleep alone at night? Kai: it’s a lullaby i sleep very well Fan: im so bored. recommend a movie please!! Kai: go watch The Visit. It's a healing movie where cute kids visited their grandma's house and have fun. Fan: jongin ah, please stay still. Don’t run around in my head Kai: but I am lying down right now though.. Fan: i’ll hold my breath until jongin replies to my comment Kai: is this person alive? Fan: jongin ah if you reply to me I will do forward n backward roll 100 times, dance to obsession for an hour with handstand Kai: i’ll sulk for real if you don’t do it jongin i never thought to myself i should live earnestly work hard but when i see you i think often what it'd be like to live that earnestly and made me feel like i want to try that out too Kai: but i live earnestly from seeing you guys too Fan: is that really human's face **Dim Jongin are you an angel or a human or a prince...ㅠㅠ Kai: **Dim Jongin isn't sure either (*typo) Kai: my battery is long lasting! Fan: i unchangingly love you who never changes jongin ㅠ it reminds me of 'from exo' days and 😭 Kai: heard from exo will disappear? ㅜ Fan: im attacked by jongin's replies so i can't study, love them and going crazy.. i have no idea why i'm a 12th grader, jongin you're my answer, i love you Kai: how could one study all day long right Fan: instagram, this jerk, did they block me Kai: insta doesn’t really work that hard Fan: I'm late...jongin oppa...where are you...come back...oppa.....i am turning 30 this year......😏😭 Kai: im..!! here!! (*he added -yo at the end to make it polite lol) Fan: jongin-ah it's a secret but i've loved you since 2011 dec 30th Kai: it's not a secret now? Fan: oppa~~ where are you~~ are you home?~~~ come out of you're not busy~~~ Kai: i'm busy.. Fan: ipjunghae igeo spoiler Kai: hana dul ssik Kai: i'll go now let's play again later heheh (source: here88_k)

#exo #kai #t: instagam #ig: kai