#and it keeps me alive and i feel like if i ever take it for granted (even for a moment) it’s going to be lost forever

[emphistic]

𝐆𝐎𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊

𝐀/𝐍: thank you all for more than 505 followers (see what i did there with the song?) have this as a token of my gratitude (this is superr long overdue, mb you guys)

𝐖/𝐂: around 2500

“Why? Why, Sukuna? Why the hell did you not pull away?” You failed to keep your voice down.

“Baby, please. Trust me, she flung herself on me. I–”

“So you didn't push her off?”

Sukuna raked his fingers through his hair, clearly exasperated and struggling to find the words to answer you. “Look — the last time I did that I almost got arrested for assault. And guess what? You yelled at me for that, too. You said, ‘Why would you do that? You couldn't have just told her to get off?’ So really, what did you want me to do this time?”

You covered your mouth to stifle your sobs, at this point, your mascara was completely ruined, running down your cheeks. “Okay, okay, I get it. I'm wrong, you're right.”

But I crumble completely when you cry

Sukuna turned away from you, scratching his neck. Your mascara was smudged along your cheeks, your tears dampening your eyelashes. He couldn't bear seeing you like this, not when he was the cause. Was it cruel of him to say, to believe, to think, that you were most beautiful this way?

“That wasn't my point, and you know that. You know that damn well, sweetheart.” Sukuna said — after a moment of silence — and turned back to face you, albeit he hesitated before meeting your glossy eyes.

“Then what was it? What was it, Sukuna? Tell me. Enlighten me.” You frantically wiped away your tears as they fell, and though desperate as you were, you were still too slow.

“. . .” Sukuna stared down at you with a stoic expression painted on his face. His gaze remained unwavering, though yours flickered throughout the room, seemingly unable to face him properly. If he knew better, he would realize it was only because you would start bawling immediately after meeting his crimson eyes.

It seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye

“Fine!” You threw your arms up, utterly defeated. You had no time for Sukuna's games. “Be that way; go have fun with all your other girls!” You stomped away, but decided — in the moment — to turn around for a second just to flip the pink-haired man off. “Burn in Hell, Sukuna, for all I care. I don't want to see your stupid, stupid face ever again.”

Sukuna sighed, his eyes burned holes into the back of your dress as you left him standing there. Standing there with nothing but his thoughts, dreams, and regrets. Standing there in the club alleyway. The same club alleyway that you pulled him away to so you could yell at him.

But it didn't feel like the same club alleyway, because Something was missing. Something very dear to him — but he was no better than a man.

I'm always just about to go and spoil the surprise

He was no better than a man. He didn't have the courage. He didn't have the brains. He didn't have the wit. He didn't have the assets. He didn't have anything that he had had with you. Not anymore, at least.

Take my hands off of your eyes too soon

He didn't have anything, because you were his everything. You were his light. His match. His flame. He didn't know what his point was. He didn't know. He didn't know. Because alas, he was no better than just a man. A man helplessly in love — with you.

So what would a man — helplessly in love with you — do? Perhaps he would visit your favorite jewelry brand and buy you an exquisite necklace. Maybe he would stop by a florist's shop and get you flowers. Or he could get you a baked good from the local bakery you like so much. And so, Sukuna — possibly being the most indecisive man alive — did all three of those things.

He purchased you a glimmering diamond necklace, a bouquet made up of your favorite flowers, and a cake of your favorite flavor.

Now, Sukuna was never a nervous nor self-doubting man, that was until he met you. He gets butterflies at the thought of you, though he'd never admit that. What could he say? He loved your laugh, the way your eyes crinkle as you do, your smile, your habit of tucking your hair behind your ear, your meticulousness when choosing earrings to match your outfit, your eyes — especially when they appeared to almost be glittering, he loved everything about you. But most importantly. . . He loved you. And that is why he sits in the driver's seat of his car, with his head in his hands and his back hunched over in thought.

He messed up. He messed up bad. And now he had to clean up the mess.

Fifteen minutes prior, his younger twin brother — Yuuji — had given him a pep talk, hyping him up. Yuuji knew how much you had helped Sukuna. He remembered the way Sukuna appeared happier, as if 100 pounds had been lifted off his shoulders — not that he would have any trouble carrying that weight — when Sukuna came home from your first date together. Yuuji saw the difference in Sukuna from that day on. Yuuji saw, Yuuji heard, and Yuuji felt the difference.

Albeit the younger twin could be a bit . . . dull, at times, Yuuji knew that you were what Sukuna needed most. If you had affected Sukuna so greatly when you came into his life, just think about the effects that would take place if you two separated. Yuuji got chills just thinking of that, which was why he was so desperate for his older brother to just rip off the bandaid, set his ego aside, and make amends.

I'm going back to 505

Sukuna was going back. He was going back to you . . . even if it was the last thing he would do. He finally raised his head from his hands and started the car. He was going to see you, apologize and explain how stupid he was being, and he was going to give you all the gifts he purchased. If his words couldn't satisfy you, he was going to spend the rest of his life proving himself to you with his credit card.

If it's a seven hour flight or a forty-five minute drive

The drive to your apartment from his penthouse was only 3/4s of an hour, though it felt much longer as his dread grew and grew. It didn't matter how long, how far, how dangerous, the journey — he would always go back to his girl.

His girl.

That's what you were. That's what you are. That's what you will be — for as long as Sukuna lives. He would make sure of that.

The knife twists at the thought that I should fall short of the mark

But it didn't feel that way, certainly not when you opened the door with a frown on your face that only deepened as you immediately moved to close the door upon seeing the pink spikes of Sukuna’s hair. But he was already two steps ahead of you. He — already expecting that reaction — had quickly blocked you from closing the door by sticking his foot out between the door.

Frightened by the bite, though it's no harsher than the bark

“Sukuna. Didn't I tell you to never—!”

“Baby, please. Hear me out — for just a second.” Sukuna's lips were dry, his throat parched.

“Fine.” Your voice was barely above a whisper, he would've missed it if he was not as desperate as he was now.

Three days. It had been three days since you two had last spoken, in that damned alleyway. Three days of plain torture. Three days of sleepless nights. Three days without you. Three days of Hell.

God, he was so glad to hear your voice again; it was like music to his ears.

The middle of adventure, such a perfect place to start

You slowly pulled the door back and took a step backward, silently giving Sukuna your consent for him to enter. However, he didn't feel deserving of it, so he stayed in his position.

“Look, this is probably a waste of your time—”

“It is.”

He shoved the gifts into your hands.

“Oh? What's this?” You raised a brow, digging your hand through the bags to investigate, but Sukuna cleared his throat and you met his eyes.

“I want to apologize, for what I said and for how I acted. I'm really, really sorry. You know I'm not the best with these kinds of things, but, I really am. Believe me. And . . . I wasn't in the right state of mind, I was already a few drinks in — y’know that — and I know that's not an excuse but, I just. . . I'm sorry, okay? I haven't slept a wink since you left. And I was a fucking coward: I should've done this earlier but I didn't. So—please, forgive me.”

You didn't say anything, averting your gaze to the ground at your feet, and still processing his words. You mulled over what he had said in your head.

“Say something. Anything. Please.” Sukuna was so close to getting on his hands and knees that it was almost embarrassing.

“Sukuna, I don't know what to tell you. I believe you're sorry but I. . . I'm not ready to forgive you, not yet. It's just a lot, y’know? I mean, if you were in my shoes right now, you would feel the same way—”

“That's why I'm apologizing.” Sukuna cut you off, his desperation quickly turning into agitation.

“Yes, I get that, but . . . I'm just not ready to forgive you yet. I'm not ready to just push this aside and move on. I'm not . . . ready — for any of that.” Your eyes softened, as did your tone.

Despite his desperate pleads, you couldn't bring yourself to just forget the whole ordeal and why he was apologizing in the first place. But Sukuna was no better than a man. He had no clue why you felt this way. The only thing he's known in life was to move on. That's what he does and will do. That's why he is the way he is. That's why.

“Do you even want this relationship to last? Can't you see I'm trying to fix this problem?”

“I do, Sukuna. I really do. Couples fight and have arguments. It's normal. It's what we're doing right now. But just because it's normal doesn't mean I'm going to brush it aside as if it didn't happen.”

“Are you out of your—!? Do you have any idea how many girls would like to be in your spot right now? Do you have ANY idea?” By now, Sukuna had completely lost it. He was frustrated, so frustrated. He didn't understand what more you wanted from him.

“I—Sukuna, what?”

“Have you any idea? Any idea at all?”

You would be lying if you said you weren't scared, utterly afraid of the man standing before you right now. For you could see nothing past his eyes, no love, no care, nothing. Only the deep, rich crimson color that you once loved and held so dear to your heart.

“You know what? Good for you. Good for you that you have so many other better options but you chose me. Good. For. You. I guess you don't need me anymore. Goodbye, Sukuna.”

You slammed the door [shut] in Sukuna's face, falling with your back against it seconds later and bringing your knees to your chest. The waterworks started soon after and Sukuna could hear your quiet sobs from beyond the door.

He was dumbfounded, absolutely appalled. Did he really just say that to you? Sukuna knew he was not the brightest, but, damn, he's really done it this time.

Sukuna ran his fingers through his hair, now sitting in his car. He definitely did not mean to say what he said. In fact, he didn't even know how it slipped out. One second he was basically on his knees for you and the next, he . . . wasn't. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me? He thought. He continued to sit there, reflecting on his actions and words. But he still couldn't believe it. What the fuck just happened?

He came to your apartment hoping to salvage the remnants of your guys' relationship, but he ended up ruining it — forever. Sukuna was 100% sure this was the worst fuckup in the history of mankind.

But he couldn't just leave it like this. He could still fix this, right? Alas, Sukuna had lost all hope; he lost his mind; and he lost the love of his life.

“Shit,” Sukuna muttered. He had really lost it, he thought, as he walked back to your apartment door. He had really lost it, he thought, when he spared a glance at your apartment number.

I'm going back to 505

That was the whole point of this, right? He was going back — no matter what, right?

When you look at me like that, my darlin', what did you expect?

He had really lost it, he thought, when he saw your glossy — yet still absolutely mesmerizing eyes after reluctantly answering the door, waiting for Sukuna to say something, anything. Anything at all. But he didn't. He didn't say anything at all. He had really lost it, he thought, when he pulled you in for the most zealous kiss he had ever experienced that left you gasping for air. His lips slotted against yours, moving fervently simultaneously. Albeit, he pulled away rather quickly — afraid of what he had just done.

I'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck

Mere seconds after Sukuna pulled back, you moved your hand so quickly — that Sukuna didn't even notice at first — and slapped him. Hard. You slapped him hard as fuck. But then you did something that surprised the pink-haired man even more. You embraced him in a hug, and a tight one at that.

“Hug me back, dumbass.” You quipped.

Or I did last time I checked

“You just slapped me.” He hugged you back, nevertheless, wrapping his arms around your figure. Because, he had to admit, it was kinda hot [getting slapped].

“Duh. ‘Cause you're such a loser.”

A pause of silence occured, before Sukuna spoke up.

“I didn't mean what I said,” Sukuna murmured against your hair. He had longed for this moment. God, you made him so soft sometimes.

“I know.”

“I'm sorry.”

“I know.”

“I missed you.”

“You never stop talking, do you.”

“To you? Never.”

I'm going back to 505

If it's a seven hour flight or a forty-five minute drive

In my imagination, you're waitin' lyin' on your side

With your hands between your thighs and a smile

Taglist: @starlets-things @sad-darksoul @mochimoee @r0ckst4rjk @lillycore @deepchromatose @yinyinyinyinyinyin @fivehoneyharg @desihopelessromantic @lich1 @hannas16 @acroso @msvalsius

#sukuna x reader #ryomen x reader #sukuna x you #jjk x reader #jjk x you #sukuna fluff #sukuna angst #with a happy ending #sukuna #first time writing angst #pls dont flop

[trashart00]

Less than 12 hours until the release of “The Tortured Poets Department”!

Hence, I present to you, “The Tortured Catboy Department”

Track List:

SIDE A: Deux Semaines (feat Ladybug) / The Tortured Catboy Department / My Lady Abandons Only Her Favourite Partners / Down Bad

SIDE B: So Long, London / But Daddy I Love Her / Fresh Out the Slammer / Akuma !!! (feat Monarch)

SIDE C: Guilty As Sin? / Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me / Even Ladybug Can’t Fix This / loml

SIDE D: I Can Do It With a Broken Heart / The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived / The Cataclysm / Adrien Agreste

Bonus Tracks: The Black Cat / Solitude / Doppelgänger / Tell-Tail Heart

(Love how so many of the original track names still work)

My takes of what each song is about/inspired by under cut (but, if you feel like it, tell me yours :D)

I’m picturing all of these to be from Adrien’s perspective so they reflect mostly his version of the situations rather than the objective reality (especially the Laybug centered ones)

Deux Semaines (feat Ladybug): This one would focus on the sequence in Multiplication where Monarch doesn’t attack and how LadyNoir’s relationship recovers from the events of Season 4.

TTCD: Kept the “Catboy” singular because while there are multiple Catboy identities, there is only one boy underneath them all. Hence while I think it would be about him just stating his issues with everything, it would also focus on loneliness and how his department is understaffed :(

MLAOHFP: All of the Season 4 LadyNoir separation arc angst, with the “Favourite” being a callback to Risk (and kinda a jab at Rena because he thinks that she’s really her favourite, but y’ know, she didn’t abandon her so Rena can’t be her actual favourite)

Down Bad: Mainly about how Chat’s love for LB makes him excuse her behaviors, but also makes him act out (maybe a reference to Elation).

SL,L: About the whole arc of Gabriel sending Adrien to London and all of the memories he would have surrounding this ordeal - key point, not “So Long, Paris” because he didn’t want to leave, and in the end he comes back to a changed world.

BDILH: This one’s either about the Chat Blanc breakup or Gabriel’s dislike of Marinette in Season 5 (or both, with maybe a line about how he feels like this has happened before)

FOTS: Adrien realizing his father is a Bad Person.

Akuma !!! (feat Monarch): This one would be like a song about his daily life and then the chorus would start with a shout of “Akuma!!!” and it would switch to him as Chat Noir. I feel like it would start out with normal life being boring/hero life being fun but as it goes on he grows exhausted. Monarch has a rap verse.

Guilty As Sin?: Chat Blanc centeric - would ask who is to blame for the destruction of the world, like is it Chat because he lost control or Hawkmoth because he took advantage of his son’s emotion?

WAoLOM: Chat Blanc centric at first (like a villain song) but ends with Adrien reflecting on the events of Evolution-Destruction-Multiplication-PS night

ELCFT: I think it would be about his relaction ship with his father and how he wishes there was something he could do to go back to how they were when Emilie was alive but there’s no easy fix and his father keeps on getting worse and worse after any attempt.

loml: A song for Marinette with a bittersweet air - she’s the love of his life but he can’t tell her everything, and she can’t tell him everything either

ICDIWaBH: CatWalker centric - him going back to Ladybug in Kuroneko.

TSMWEL: I actually have three for this one - 1. About Gabriel and his need to domineer because he feels small and powerless. 2. About Adrien feeling small and insignificant. 3.About Plagg because he’s a smol boi (it would be like a lighthearted, cheeky song, like when you sing to your pet about how adorable they are)

The Cataclysm: Literally about how he cataclysmed Monarch, but also about how the event impacted his perception of self.

Adrien Agreste: Ending the album with a song that’s his own name :o.

Now for the variants:

The Black Cat: This one has Chat on the cover and the song is mostly about his bad luck. ‘I Love You It’s Ruining My Life” works both directed at Ladybug and his father.

Solitude: With Chat Blanc on the cover, this one’s about his mother. I think the “You Don’t Get To Tell Me About Sad” is pretty self-explanatory.

Doppelgänger: CatWalker is on this one, his song would be about how he may literally be the same person but he doesn’t fully feel like himself. He had to repress a lot of himself to be CatWalker hence I thought “Am I Allowed To Cry?” fit him really well (especially with Plagg not giving him the time to fully recover before he had to jump back in). Please note the crossed out name (unlike Chat Blanc) because he’s reinventing himself.

Tell-Tail Heart: This one has Ladybug on the cover - wait she’s not a Catboy?? The song is titled “Tell-Tail Heart” as a reference to Edgar Allan Poe’s “Tell Tale Heart” and would explore Chat’s perspective of Ladybug’s guilt for keeping secrets, how any excuse she makes is ultimately unimportant because she would do it either way. The fact that this is the only song title with a pun references how Chat tries to lighten the mood and avoid serious conversations, and the “Tail” is supposed to refer to Rena Rouge. The flowers she’s holding are meant to be foxgloves which symbolise secrets and insincerity (they’re also poisonous and damage the heart :)). I also really liked the “Old Habits Die Screaming” for her as it could mean both Chat Noir’s love for her being an old habit that he cannot get rid of, but also her habit of keeping things from him (especially with how she does it again at the end of season 5) being something she can’t stop. It is also him being able to see that, despite what she tells him, her “Heart” is tells him otherwise.

(also would like to point out that he wouldn’t mention Rena by name, he’s upset, not evil)

#miraculous #miraculous ladybug #ml season 5 #adrien agreste #chat noir #chat blanc #cat walker #patte de velours #ml ladybug #taylor swift #the tortured poets department #ts ttpd #ml fanart #ok so at first I wanted to do these with maribug but then I started trying to come up with alternative names and it dawned on me #she’s still on the last cover though <3 #the tortured Catboy department #inspiration hit me like a truck like I can almost hear the songs

[auteurdelabre]

SO MUCH TO LOSE part 10 - dark!Joel x f!reader

rating: 18+

words: 7.5k

TW: HEAVY EMOTIONAL CHAPTER. MENTIONS OF TRAUMA. Allusions to oral sex, m receiving, allusions to f/m penetrative sex.

a/n: I told y'all this chapter's a doozy. Well it is, but maybe not for the reasons you think. . . To me its one of the most important chapters of this whole story.

series masterlist

REBLOGS, COMMENTS, ENGAGEMENT ARE WHAT KEEP US FIC WRITERS GOING. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT IF YOU ENJOYED THIS.

-----------------------------

SO MUCH TO LOSE CHAPTER 10

You visit Maria the following week with a plate of cookies in hand. She’s the one to answer the door and you are relieved when you see that she is showered and dressed. Things must be improving. She brings you into a tentative hug when you arrive, urging you inside out of the fresh dusting of snow.

“Tommy has Douglas out for a little walk. I’ll make you a coffee.”

“I’m fine,” you insist. “Just came to drop off some baking. I’m heading to Ellie’s later this week and needed to get some practice in. I haven’t done much baking lately and wanted to make sure I wasn’t rusty.”

You join her on the couch, watching as she wraps her hands tightly around her coffee mug. She takes tentative sips between munches of cookie. At the first bite she literally moans.

“This is so good.”

“Thanks. They were Charlotte’s favorite.”

Maria licks the crumbs from her lips before leaning back on the sofa. She’s always been slender and she looks almost as she did back before she gave birth, except for the small pouch at her lower belly. You think she looks better with it.

“Was Charlotte your daughter?”

“Oh no. I never had kids.”

“We’re you ever married?”

“Me?” you almost laugh. “No.”

“Oh,” Maria blinks and her mouth tugs to the side. “I thought you might be. You have a nurturing quality about you.”

 “I think you give me too much credit.”

Maria grins, taking another bite of cookie. The two of you chat amiably a bit about the changing weather, of the way the inhabitants of Jackson City get along so well. Of how she feels the pressure of being Jacksons’ ‘First Lady’. Of how the bandits that fuck with the dam that supports the city stresses her daily.

“It’s a fucking nightmare some days,” she cites with a grumble. “Thank goodness for Tommy.”

“He’s a good man,” you tell her.

“He is,” she smiles indulgently before shooting you a lingering look. “What do you think about Joel?”

“How do you mean?”

“You do patrols with him, right?” 

“Can’t say I was always his biggest fan,” she says, taking another sip from her mug. “But he’s grown on me.”

“Yeah.”

You hold in the scoff that’s already begun in your throat.

“My friend Jennifer seems to think he’s pretty wonderful,” you offer instead. “She was delighted to help him repair the window last week.”

“She the blonde one? Used to do textiles?” Maria knows everyone thanks to her position.

“Yeah.”

“Not his type,” Maria insists with a shy grin. “She’d eat him alive.”

Jennifer doesn’t seem like she would eat anyone alive.

“Joel is all harsh edges,” she explains when she sees your confusion. “He needs someone soft to balance him out. That Jennifer girl is hard.”

You don’t think that you would consider Jennifer hard and you don’t fight Maria on it because the conversation quickly turns to Jackson’s continued increase of population, the place swelling with new life.

“Plenty of single men,” Maria says with a quirked brow in your direction. You give a soft laugh.

“Not really interested.”

“Single women too.”

“No no,” you laugh again, cheeks pinking. “I like men, I just . . . I don’t think I’m the partnering type.”

You think of Luke and his sweet features and his muscled forearms. For him you could perhaps be the partnering type. Perhaps. The thought of romance appeals to you; it just doesn’t seem realistic at times. A crush feels fun and safe.

“You must have had your share of dates,” Maria insists. You can see her relaxing and you think she must be enjoying what she views as girl time. You think she must not have had much of it lately.

“Normal crushes and stuff,” you shrug. “But I was a late bloomer and then the outbreak started when I was a teenager so I didn’t have a chance for a lot of firsts back then.”

“Sex,” Maria nods.

“Uh yeah… that…” you say, trying to appear nonchalant. “And uh, kissing, dating, all that stuff.”

“But you did eventually,” Maria cites smiling.

“Sex? Oh yes,” you nod. You weren’t a monk or anything in your time before Jackson City.

“What was your first time like?” Maria settles back against a cushion, nibbling at her cookie looking at you eagerly. “I remember mine was all fumbling in the backseat of his truck before curfew.”

You laugh and think Maria must be starved for company to be intrigued by your limited romantic experience.

“Uh… fast,” you say with a laugh before allowing yourself to be transported back to that time. “He worked at one of the bakeries that I assisted in. I remember he had the longest eyelashes I’d ever seen on a man. They were so blond you could only see them if he turned at a certain angle. He made me laugh. One night he invited me back to his apartment and… that was that.”

“How old were you?”

“Uh, twenty two, twenty three?”

“And you didn’t date after?”

“Nah, my family left that QZ kinda in a hurry.”

You aren’t expecting your voice to hitch on that last sentence, but it does.  Maria grows somber, her dark eyes expressive.

“Can I ask why you left?”

You blink back the sheen of tears starting and gaze around the room, trying to land on something that will steel you. You find it in the small carving of a horse on the bookshelf nearby. You tell your story to that delicately made creature instead.

“We moved east through the QZ’s for about ten or eleven years. Stayed in a few of them before we’d pick up and keep moving to the next one. Hard to make connections and date with all that. I didn’t trust that I’d have the time.”

Maria looks like she wants to ask more when the door is opened and Tommy’s cheerful voice rings out announcing he and Douglas are home and ready for lunch.

“We have company!” Maria says cheerfully.

Tommy turns the corner to see you and he greets you. He wears Douglas strapped to him with fabric, snuggled under his large jacket. Jackson is sleeping soundly and barely notices when Tommy unwraps and hands him off to his mother.

Douglas squirms, his tiny head burrowing into Maria’s neck. She smiles and for the first time you’ve known her it looks sincere. There is a lightness in the house you realize, something that had been missing before.

“He enjoyed being out in the fresh air,” Tommy announces. “Everyone who saw him wanted to kiss him.”

“Tommy!” Maria looks horrified.

“But I didn’t let ‘em,” Tommy finishes, pressing a gentle kiss to his wife’s worried brow. “I’m gonna make some soup. You two want a bowl?”

“I’m alright,” you say. “I just brought by dessert. I’m actually heading over to Ellie’s to do some baking.”

“Joel’s letting you use his place to bake?”

You still, brows raised. “Uh… yeah. Is that… should I not be?”

“No, I’m just surprised,” Tommy admits after a pause. “I don’t think he’s ever let anyone in that house aside from me and Maria. Think the only reason he and Ellie don’t kill each other is ‘cuz she’s in the garage.”

“Oh.”

You don’t know what else to offer besides that.

Tommy nods and for a moment you see something in his expression, a pinched look when Maria looks away from him.  You realize that Tommy looks harried, running a hand through his glossy curls.

“What’s up?”

“Nothin’,” Tommy replies too quickly.

You see the panic in his eyes as his gaze darts from his wife back to you. You understand immediately. Maria is doing well, if there’s something stressful in Jackson City he doesn’t want to bother her with it.

“Thanks for the tea Maria, but I better head out,” you inform them both.

Maria wraps you into a side hug, one arm around your shoulders, the other holding her son. You run your knuckles down his spine gently.

“Come back soon,” she whispers.

“I promise.”

“I’ll walk you out,” Tommy says, feigning manners. The two of you walk to the front door around the corner. As you toe on your boots you look up at him expectantly.

“Well?”

Tommy looks over his shoulder anxiously before dropping his voice to a conspiratorial whisper only you can hear.

“Rumor is Raiders were spotted by A Patrol this week,” Tommy says with a sigh. “Up by the traps.”

“Fuck,” you breathe. “Really?”

“Not positive. A Patrol isn’t always the most reliable. They spook easy and are overly cautious. But I’d rather that than the alternative.”

“Of course.”

“Just make sure you and Joel are extra cautious,” Tommy says. “I know you’re both responsible but, you know…. Just be extra responsible.”

You nod, feeling your heart thrumming in your chest as you make your way to Rancher Street.

///

You didn't really want to go to Joel's house today. But Ellie had found you last night heading home from The Tipsy Bison and had guilted you into it when she told you that Joel had brought back all the supplies needed. 

You'd tried to sway her into baking at your place but only the burners on your oven work. You'd never really considered getting the main oven fixed, since you take most of your meals in the dining hall.

But in moments like this, you heavily regret that choice. 

You feel like even your footsteps sound timid as they make their way up the wood steps. 

Ellie is at the door, pulling it open before you can even knock. She must have been looking for you at the window, counting down the seconds until your arrival. The thought warms you. She gives you a broad smile that lights up her face.

"I got everything set up!"

She takes off down into the kitchen and you venture into the Miller home tentatively, still anxious about what happened last time.  

A sound to your right draws your attention and you take in the tall form of Joel coming into the room. He's dressed in jeans and a sweater, obviously feeling the chill despite the cheery fire that roars behind him. 

"Mornin'," he greets. 

"Morning." You lick your lips nervously. "Thanks for letting me bake with Ellie."

"'Course. She's been looking forward to it for weeks. Can't stop talkin' about it.'

Joel gives you a whisper of a smile but the thing that really throws you about this interaction is that he looks almost nervous. You've never seen Joel look nervous. 

He'd been so stiff after last patrol, not even saying goodbye to the group after you'd all disembarked off the horses. 

It had been embarrassing. Him storming off like you'd all done something wrong. Only Jennifer seemed to still be under Joel's spell citing that watching him hammer the window would fuel her fantasies for months to come.

You're still really irritated with him but it's lessened slightly because his greeting isn’t hostile. You could almost relax if it weren’t for the intense way he’s staring at you.  

You hear your name being called by Ellie in the next room so you toe off your shoes and head into the kitchen. She's got an apron on, borrowed from the kitchen or Joel because it's far too big for her small frame. 

"Alright," you give her a warm smile as you enter. "You got everything?"

"Yep."

You place the bag you brought on the counter. You remove your own apron, baby blue with ruffles on the end. A recent gift from Jennifer who told you “since you’re a real chef you need your own apron”. You tie it as you speak to Ellie.  

"So what I like to do is set up all my supplies on the counter just to double check I have everything. Nothing worse than being halfway through a recipe and finding out you you’re missing ingredients."

The sentence isn't even out of your mouth before Ellie’s opened up her cupboards and ice box and begun to take everything out. Flour, eggs, bowls, milk and more, all the items you gave Joel on the list. She places them on the counter before looking at you like a proud student. 

"You'll need measuring spoons."

The two of you turn at the same time to see Joel standing by the entrance to the kitchen, lingering. His hands are in his jean pockets, standing like a chastised student outside the classroom.

"I brought some," you inform him, trying to hold in your irritation. You pull them from your bag, putting them next to the eggs. 

You feel Joel's eyes on your back and you're sure he's silently judging you, eager to point out what you're doing wrong. You stiffen under the perceived scrutiny. Ellie must sense the change in the room because she whips around to shoot him a jeering look. 

"Joel you don't need to supervise," Ellie says rolling her eyes. "We won't break the damn stove." 

Joel looks at his feet mumbling something about needing to do stuff upstairs anyway before he's making his way out of the kitchen. 

You go back to your lesson with Ellie who turns out to be a very focused student. 

She asks smart questions, measures everything perfectly and takes her time. It's only when you put her in charge of cracking three eggs into the bowl that she gets frustrated. 

"Fuck, it cracked wrong. Shell got in."

Her fingers pinch into the egg bowl, trying to grasp the fallen eggshell. Of course the viscous nature of the raw egg makes it impossible and it’s not long before she pushes at the bowl angrily, her face is set into a deep frown.

“S’fucking bullshit.”

"Happens all the time," you tell her kindly. "Don't stress about it. I’ll show you a secret my mom taught me and my sister to get ‘em out."

Ellie watches as you take the empty shell half still in her hand. Her brows knit in confusion as you lower it into the bowl, using it as a scoop. Unlike with her fingers, the egg shell piece floats easily into the makeshift scoop. You pull the shell from the bowl, tossing the mess into the garbage.

“Holy shit that actually worked.” Ellie smiles at this and it transforms her pale pinched features into that of a warm, approachable teenager. 

You smile, feeling strangely proud. You’ve never baked with anyone else before, aside from the kitchen. But that was following the same boring recipes given by the head chef. You were usually boiling rice, cutting onions or apples. Baking is a different beast, a calmer, more relaxing one.  

After that hiccup Ellie is more patient with herself. She's keen to learn about baking but she's very eager to talk to you about you. When you pop the formed pastries into the oven and set the timer she decides that now is the time to chat. 

"What kind of music did you used to listen to before?"

Memories of Joel’s warning float in your mind. The reminder not to tell her too much. To make her long for a life that he can’t give her.

"Enough about me,” you deflect. “I want to know about you."

At this Ellie balks slightly, the smile wavering just a fraction before the mask is replaced and she nods. Her mixing increases but now her eyes are on the batter.

"Whadda you wanna know?"

"What was your life like before Jackson?"

"I was in the QZ back in Boston,” she says slowly, as if she's trying to make sure she doesn't give too much away. "Hated it."

"Parents?"

"Never met 'em."

"What brought you to Jackson City?"

"Joel."

She doesn't offer you more or less than that. You understand it, you don't push it.

"How'd you end up here?" She asks, mixing the dry ingredients.  

You realize the stupidity of you asking her those questions. How easily you opened them to be doubled back on yourself. 

"You asked me what kind of music I listened to before?" You smile, hoping that this will distract her. "I remember I saw Chicago about a billion times," you laugh. "I was obsessed. I listened to the soundtrack over and over."

"Chicago," Ellie says slowly as if trying to recall before a light seems to go on. "Oh, I've heard of Chicago. Joel likes ‘em."

Them?

It takes you a minute to understand what she's talking about. You finally answer giggling. 

"Chicago the musical, not the band. The musical had great songs. And dancing." 

"Do you dance?"

"Not very well." 

Your dual laughter combines and you can't help but enjoy the sound. Ellie really does make you laugh. She reminds you of how life was before. When everything seemed new. 

You can tell Ellie wants to know everything about your life before the outbreak. And you want to indulge her but Joel's words rub their imprint on your the inside of your skull.

"Hey I promised your D- Joel that I wouldn't keep talking about this stuff with you," you explain quietly. "He's worried it makes you want stuff you can't have."

"Jesus," Ellie says rolling her eyes. “Overprotective much?” 

"No he's right," you insist truthfully. "I mean, I get where he's coming from. He doesn't wanna keep disappointing you."

"Joel could never disappoint me."

The timer goes off and you peer into the oven. The pastries are a golden brown. You smile before taking them out with the oven mitt. Ellie closes her eyes, inhaling.

"They smell so good."

"Just wait until you put icing on them," you encourage with a grin. "Delicious." 

The two of you get to work making the icing while the pastries cool. 

"It's gonna snow," Ellie comments out of nowhere as she peers out the window, mixing idly. 

"Hate to break it to you, El, it's already snowing."

Ellie gives you a smirk along with her side eye. You don't know if it's from your sarcastic comment or the fact that you called her El. 

"I mean I think it’s gonna snow a lot." She explains. "I heard some of the other kids talking about it at school."

"Huh," you offer noncommittal as you look at the consistency of the icing. "Wonder how they can tell."

"They said they could smell it," Ellie says with a grin, pushing up the sleeve of her shirt so that it doesn't drip into the icing bowl. "They said tha-"

You can't hear anything she's saying after that. All you can focus on is her now bared arm and the ugly bite mark. Blood rushes in your ears and you cry out before giving a blood curdling shriek. 

“No!”

Ellie jumps, startled at your sudden screams. She throws herself back against the wall, eyes wide and glancing around as if she expects hordes of infected to come streaming in. 

"What? What is it?"

You know she's never seen you be loud, never seen you scream and the sight must terrify her. 

But all you can focus on is the clear outline of bite marks on her forearm visible after she rolled up her sleeves. The clear sign of an infected’s mark. She’s going to turn into a clicker before your eyes. She’s going to become soulless and inhuman and you need to go. You need to get somewhere safe.

Joel. He’ll be so devastated.

You can hear the heavy footsteps of Joel approaching the kitchen but all you can think of is escaping and getting yourself safe. You have to warn the town. You run towards the front door, your socks slipping over the smooth floor. 

You're still screaming incoherently, your voice cracking as you lunge for the doorknob, tears in your eyes. Your hand closes around the brass knob just as two muscled arms go around your waist, pulling you back harshly. A hand covers your mouth and a deep voice is at your ear. 

"Quit," he repeats, shaking you slightly in his arms. "Stop screamin'."

There's an increasingly paranoid thought that believes this was all a trap. A way for Joel to get his daughter fed. You feel it, Joel's arms wrapped around your entire body, pinning your arms to your sides. His body is warm and solid behind you, terrifying in its strength. It takes you to a time you've tried to forget. 

"Get the fuck off of me!" You shriek against his palm, trying to wriggle out of his grip but he holds firm. You're screaming expletives, trying to kick out. You shake his hand off your mouth. "She's bit, Joel! I saw it!"

Ellie hasn't moved from where she stands cowering in the corner of the kitchen. But you can only imagine how soon it will be before she turns. You can't be here for that. You can’t watch that sweet girl turn into one of them.

"I know," Joel rumbles against your temple, hands still gripping you tightly. 

"You know," you repeat and now a dread begins in your feet and floods the rest of you. 

Joel knows she is bit. Joel welcomed you into his home knowing she was bit. 

You are going to die. 

"Let me go!"

High on fearful adrenaline you give a frantic kick backwards, elbowing into Joel's abdomen at the same time you thrust the ball of your foot onto his socked toes. Joel gives a strangled grunt and his arms loosen in pain momentarily allowing you a chance to break free from him. 

You tug open the door and speed out without your boots. You feel the snow on the porch under your feet, freezing your toes immediately. You throw yourself down the porch stairs, feet slapping the wood as you hold back sobs. The street is deserted; the houses all empty as they usually are on bright Saturday afternoons. You go to cry out for someone, anyone, when Joel's arm bands around your waist.

You give a devastated howl of defeat before Joel is dragging your struggling frame back into the house, telling you to calm down. 

Ellie is by the sink, her eyes on the ground. 

But you still struggle, trying to get away from this house. Joel gives a frustrated growl before he pushes you up against the wall, pinning you there with his hips. His hands hold your wrists on either side of your head, pressing them into the wall. 

"Stop fuckin' strugglin'," Joel seethes when you jerk against him, his chest pressing you so tightly to the wall you can't breathe. 

"Please let me go," you beg brokenly as you continue to struggle in his arms. "Please I just-“

"She's immune," he rasps in your ear. "She's fucking immune! Stop!"

Immune. Immune. 

"What?" You stop your screaming just long enough to twist your head to face him. "Immune? That's not possible." 

But you’ve stopped struggling as hard.

You take a closer look at Ellie’s arm from where you stand, noticing that it doesn’t look particularly fresh. In fact it looks scarred. And yet something in you is still terrified. So terrified that you yelp when you feel Joel's wide hands go to either side of your face, forcing your face up and eyes to his. 

"Everything is okay," Joel tells you in a husky rasp. "You're safe, I promise. I've got you. You're safe." 

His eyes are locked with yours as he says this and you don't know how those words work their way into your body, but they do. The same way they wind around you as you allow yourself to get lost on patrols with your mouth on him. That sense that someone else is in charge, someone else is protecting you.

You're safe.

Your entire frame goes boneless in his arms and when he finally releases your face your head drops to your chest. He continues to press you gently against the wall with one heavy hand holding you there.

"What if it's slow acting or -" you whisper quietly, "or what if you can still pass it on with saliva or-"

"The dogs don't detect it," Joel tells you, his hold on you not lessening. "Ellie and I've shared drinks plenty a' times. She's immune."

You stare at the girl at the table, her entire countenance shifted. You can see the devastation, the fear and anger floods out of you immediately, like a deep sigh. You sag in Joel's arms, feeling as he slowly loosens you. 

"She's had it for months," Joel tells you, no longer pinning you to the wall. 

"Months?" 

You're still stunned by the developments but it doesn't stop your eyes from traveling over to Ellie. You see now that tears are slipping off the end of her nose as she silently cries. She’s pulled her sleeve back down, covering the scar.

Your heart immediately breaks because it's you who did this to her. This girl who trusts so few. You treated her like she was a monster. 

"Ellie I'm sorry, I just..." You trail off, your heart still beating wildly. 

But Ellie has tears in her eyes, her neck blotchy. She's raced to the garage, slamming the door after her. You flinch at the sound of it. 

Then it’s just you and Joel in the quiet kitchen.

"How long have you known?"

"Since I met her," Joel explains quietly. "Was bringing her to the fireflies with a friend in exchange for a battery. Rumor was there was a cure."

"Guess not if you're both here," you say absently, missing the pain in his dark eyes when you say it. 

"Not a lot of people know about it. We'd like to keep it that way."

You nod, your mind whirring. You realize you've never seen Ellie in anything but long sleeves. Never seen her wearing bracelets or anything that would draw her attention to her arms. She’s been hiding in plain sight. You think of the friendships she hasn’t made, the way she keeps to herself, the hostile way she is with most and it all clicks into place.

"We were thinking of gettin' her a tattoo to cover it up,” Joel continues. “Haven't found anyone to do it yet." 

You nod again, eyes falling on the pastries now lying squashed on the floor, the warm berries oozing out onto the wood.

“I’ll take care of this stuff,” Joel mutters, dropping to his knees and starting to pick up the supplies you brought. You think of how excited Ellie had been to recreate the pop tarts, how devastated she’ll be when she realizes they’re all ruined.

"I- I think I should go talk to Ellie."

"She doesn't wanna talk. Trust me."

"Just lemme try."

Joel looks as if he's about to protest but you're already walking quickly until you've reached the door to the garage. You knock gently.

"Ellie? It's me. Please don't be upset ... I was just startled."

There's a pause, then a sniffle that makes your heart lurch. 

"Can we talk? Please, Ellie?" 

You hear shuffling and then finally the door to the garage is opened a crack and you see Ellie peering through. Her eyes are swollen and red, the end of her nose pink. She glares at you through the small slit in the door. 

"Fuck off."

"I just want to explain. Just let me explain and then I promise I'll leave."

She doesn't move, doesn't attempt to close or open the door. She just stands there like some sentry. 

“Five minutes. That’s all I need.”

"You think I'm a freak."

"I don't," you insist, palm on the door as if you could transfer your emotions by osmosis to her. "Ellie I was having fun right before all this. I really was. Can we talk? Please? I want to explain properly." 

Ellie’s glossy eyes scan your body and with a labored sigh she steps back, opening the door and allowing you entrance. 

"Come in."

You follow her into the warm space, watching as she drops onto her made bed. Ellie hugs her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them as you look at her. Ellie's eyes drag from the floor up to your face and you see her chin trembling as she holds in tears. 

“Can I sit?” you ask motioning to beside her on the bed. She nods, shuffling to give you room to perch there.

“I know you’re not gonna come back after this,” Ellie says, eyes wide with a quiet pleading as you look over at her.

“Of course I am.”

“No you’re not,” Ellie says shaking her head and rubbing angrily at her eyes. “You’ve seen my arm. You think I’m a fucking freak.”

"Ellie I swear I don't think you're a freak," you emphasize as you shuffle on the edge of her bed. "I was just... That bite took me back to a really scary time."

"Yeah," Ellie says with her chin balanced on her kneecap. "No one wants to think about... All that stuff." 

You see the desolation there in her eyes. She's hurt and even though you didn't mean to do it you did. You feel responsible for her sadness. Your eyes go to her closed door, wanting to make sure you have privacy before you turn back to her.

"Ellie, can I share some stuff with you?"

"Yeah.”

"It's not happy stuff," you tell her. 

"Figured." Ellie shrugs again like it doesn't matter. Like she's seen it all. Maybe she has, but you doubt it. She doesn’t make eye contact with you.

“It’s just. . . I’ve never told anyone this stuff before. Ever.”

Ellie’s eyes go to your face now. She can see how serious you are and she straightens slightly. She goes from being hunched and holding her legs to sitting cross legged across from you on the bed.

"Okay..." You take a sharp inhale. “So, I was about your age when Outbreak Day happened. I was with my Dad and my sister. My mom was visiting my Aunt in Wyoming-“

“How come?”

“Ellie you gotta let me get this all out quick okay?” you say gently. “No interruptions.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” you breathe deeply again. “She was visiting my aunt because my aunt was getting a divorce and my mom wanted to support her. Anyway, about ten years ago my dad and my little sister and I were travelling between QZ’s. We were looking for my Mom because my Dad was convinced she was still alive and she’d be out in this direction.”

You swallow; hating talking about this but knowing that Ellie deserves this truth. So far she looks intrigued, her eyes wide.

“So one night we were exhausted. We’d been travelling for days and we were low on food and water. We see this old cabin and it looks like it’s abandoned. We figure it’s a good spot to hunker down and get some energy before we keep going.” You exhale a shuddering breath.

“Except it wasn’t abandoned. It was a trap set up by this group of Raiders. I called them The Group. They killed my dad and they were gonna kill me and my sister when one of the guys had the bright idea that they could use us as bait.”

"Bait?"

 Ellie seems to remember she’s not supposed to say anything because she ducks her head slightly.

"Yeah. they made us go into new places first," you explain detached, as if you’re talking about another woman in another life. "So if there was anything dangerous it would get us in enough time to give The Group a chance to escape.”

Ellie is staring at you wide-eyed, all her teenage ambivalence lost as you detail the most terrifying years of your life. You omit lots of the more gruesome details and you definitely don’t tell her about Rock River.  

"Once they hung me from a tree," you tell her, trying not to sound emotional. It's not hard. Years of hiding how that part of your life affects you makes you good at it. "They tied me to a rope and hung me on a branch to attract clickers."

"Jesus."

"Yeah," you nod. "It worked really well. There was a big group and they piled underneath me, trying to grab at me, their mouths all black and their teeth gnashing and...” you stop yourself when you see Ellie’s eyes widening. “Anyway, The Group got ‘em all and managed to get some good supplies in the town because of it. I just... It just left me kind of..."

You wince when you realize you’ve trailed off, your focus blurred.

"The point is that when I saw your arm it just all came flooding back and I reacted out of instinct. Not because I think you're a freak. I could never think that about you.”

Ellie is quiet, digesting all that you've told her. You think you hear a creaking outside her door, but you're not sure. Your attention is drawn back to the girl who’s eyes hold such a myriad of emotions; pain, empathy, fear, anger.

"How did you end up here?" 

You think about not telling her. But it feels so good to be getting some of this information out, like you’re coughing up a thick black piece of flesh that’s been festering in your lungs for years, making it so you can now finally breathe.

"One guy, Chiyo, he joined up with our group a few years after I was taken. He owned a shooting range before everything.... You know…. Well, he'd broken his ankle in a recent raid and couldn’t really move much. If we hadn't come upon him when we did he probably would have been killed by another group of raiders. But as it was he had this giant stash of weapons and The Groups ranks were thinning so..."

You trail off, thinking of how you'd come upon him first when you and The Group got to town. How the leader you thought of as Red due to his hair (you never learned their real names), shoved you brutally by the shoulder.

Always the bait.

But after what had happened only the week before you didn’t care anymore. Red pushed you and you entered willingly, your feet not even dragging as you walked. It was either be shot by one of The Group attempting to escape, or see what resided inside the shop with the boarded up windows.

Chiyo’s gun was trained on you the second you walked in. The way you held your hands at your eye level when he told you he was going to shoot.

“I’m gonna blow your head clean off if you take another step.”

And suddenly you’d decided that you were done. You were so tired. And at least this way it would be quick and it would be away from The Group. And so you’d taken another step towards Chiyo, hands still raised.

You can still recall the furrowing of his thick brows and the lowering of his weapon as he stared at you.

"You want to die?"

You hadn't answered him but that had been answer enough for Chiyo. He'd hobbled over to you, dragging his lame leg, dark eyes fixed on your face. 

"I'm not gonna hurt you."

And when he'd said it, you'd believed him.

You remember the way you'd convinced the rest of The Group they needed someone like him. A crack shot, you told them. You'd had no idea of knowing if it was true. But there had been warmth in Chiyo's eyes that was missing from the rest of The Groups. Something that you clinged to in the coming months.

"Thankfully he was a really good shot,” you explain. “He joined up and we stripped his shop of his guns and eventually his ankle healed thanks to the medic in The Group and he was suddenly part of the team.”

“Was he nice to you?”

“Yeah. He was really kind. Whenever they used me as bait he insisted on going with. He said it was so we could save me for really bad missions, but I knew it was to protect me. They let him get away with it because he was such a good shot, I think.  Everyone liked him. When the rest of The Group was asleep we'd talk by the fire. Chiyo was afraid of horses," you tell Ellie with a small smile. “Was about the only thing he was afraid of.”

You don't tell her everything. You don't tell of the tender way he fucked you in the wee hours of the morning before The Group rose most mornings. How he whispered that he missed his dead wife and would never dishonor her memory by kissing you. But you hadn’t minded, you understood and you’d both been gentle with each other.

You’d enjoyed getting lost in the sensation of him. Of his cock in your mouth, of your cunt stuffed full of him. The rhythmic sensation of sex that took you out of your body and away from your every day horrors.

You remember how he would hold you, tears sliding onto your collar as he spilled himself onto your belly whimpering his dead wife’s name. How he would thank you over and over with your hand at the base of his skull, mouth against his shoulder while you quietly sobbed your own gratitude.

"After a few months he told me he was escaping. He'd heard about Jackson City and that's where he was headed. He wanted to bring me to see if we could find my Mom."

"Holy shit,” Ellie breathes. “Where is he now?"

"He didn't make it," you tell her tightly.

And now the shield is back in your voice and eyes and she must sense it. Ellie doesn’t press this, seems to understand that there is more there. With a teenagers’ sensibilities and a teenager’s romanticism she asks you her next question.

"Were you in love with him?"

Chiyo is a faint memory, a watercolor blur if you think about him in too much detail. When you try to recall things like the scar over his left eyebrow or the dragon tattoo on his inner thigh. But these are just pieces of him. They aren't him. 

When you think of Chiyo there is a warmth. But it's the warmth that comes from having a benevolent savior. One who never told you that you were in his debt. Yes, you cared for him. Of course you did. He was gentle and he was kind and his heart was soft.

"No," you say firmly. "He was nice though and I cared about him. Probably as close to love as I'll ever get." 

You and Ellie are quiet for a long time.

“I tried saving a bit boy once,” she finally offers. “His name was Sam. Tried rubbing my blood on him. Thought it would save him. It didn’t. He turned and his brother had to kill him before he killed himself.”

You don’t allow yourself to cry. You know that isn’t what Ellie needs right now.

“I’m the reason so many people are dead,” Ellie explains when you say nothing in return. “My Mom died having me. Riley… Tess… Sam…Henry... Ellie’s voice is doing that same detached thing yours does. “Sometimes I honestly think it would be better if I was never born.”

You can’t help the way your arms leap out in front of you to gather the girl into your arms. She tries to fight you on it, flinching from the contact before your unrelenting arms pull her into a tight squeeze, tugging her into your lap. Angry tears slip down her red cheeks, her cries breaking free as you wrestle her into a bear hug.

“I’m so glad you exist, Ellie.”

And then all the fight is gone from her body and she’s sobbing quietly into your shoulder, her tiny frame shaking. You hold her against you, wanting your adoration and affection to move through your body into hers so she knows how much she’s wanted.

“The world would be so much worse without you in it,” you assure her honestly. “You’re special, Ellie. And not because you’re immune. Because you’re smart and brave and funny and you make people like me feel like we’re worth something.”

Her arms wrap around your neck, face in your shoulder and she allows you to continue holding her, rocking her gently in your lap as if she were your own teenage daughter.

“And yes you’re stubborn and you can be annoying,” you add, trying to lighten the mood. “But there’s no one I like talking to as much as I like talking to you. You made me look forward to breakfasts in the dining hall because it meant I got to speak to you.”

“You’re just saying that,” she sniffles, arms loosely circling your neck.

“You don’t like liars, right?” You remind her. “Well I’m not lying. Plus, I know Joel loves you and he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy that loves many people so you must be pretty great.”

Ellie gives a shallow huff of amusement in your shoulder.

“And I know Maria and Tommy adore you just as much if not more than I do. And if you opened up a little more with the kids around here I know they’d love you just as much as we do because you’re a wonderful person. The world would be so much worse without your light, Ellie. You bring light to the darkness.”

You continue rocking her for several moments, waiting until her sobs turn into hiccups and then gentle swallows. Finally she pulls back from you, almost embarrassed at the emotional display. She shuffles back onto the bed, picking at the loose string hanging from her pillow.

“I think I’m cursed.”

“Hey now that’s not true,” you insist. “I’m here aren’t I? How is that a curse? If anything it’s a blessing.”

She gives you a weak smile that you return.

“C’mon, let’s go and finish the pop tarts.”

“We’ll have to start all over again,” Ellie almost whines.

“Then I guess I’ll be staying here a little longer.”

Ellie wipes at her blotchy face, running her hands down her cheeks before nodding and standing abruptly.  You two make it back into the kitchen, surprised to see Joel standing there. His broad shoulders ripple as he works on something in front of him, his back to you.

Ellie sails over to him, her eyes wide when she sees what he’s done. “Wait are those the pop tarts?”

“Yep.”

“I thought they were ruined.”

“Yours were,” Joel shrugs, spreading icing onto one of the homemade pop tarts. “Mine went okay.”

You feel as if you’ve been physically pushed.

Joel baked?

Ellie snags one of the still warm pastries from the plate as Joel starts running the cloth over the counter and wiping the crumbs into the sink. You look at the joy on Ellie’s face as she takes a bite.

“Holy shit, Joel, these are so fucking good.”

“Language,” Joel admonishes over his shoulder, though there’s nothing harsh in it. He turns around, hip resting against the counter.

“I’m gonna have you do all my baking,” Ellie continues as if she hasn’t heard him.  “I’ll just be your taste tester.”

You want to grin at this but all you can do is stare at Joel and the soft way he’s smiling down at Ellie. This open look of adoration you so rarely see. Like there’s this secret Joel inside the mean Joel shell that the privileged few witness.

Joel could never disappoint me.

Joel seems to feel your eyes on him because he blinks over at you, dark eyes darting around your face. His expression is unreadable, but there’s nothing cruel or cold in it. He’s just looking at you, almost as if he’s trying to figure you out as well.  

“Well looks like we’re all set here so I should go,” you start awkwardly, suddenly feeling strangely light headed. Joel steps towards you, brows rising.

“You could stay for a dr-“ Joel begins, but you’ve already made your way to the front door, pulling on your boots and jacket.

Your hands are trembling for some reason and you think it must be all this emotional turmoil you’ve shared with Ellie. It has you feeling vulnerable and exposed and you want to escape home to the safety of your bed, away from soulful brown eyes and soft smiles.

“Ellie you wanna grab breakfast before patrols?”  you ask, studiously ignoring Joel who stands next to her looking at you. You don’t want her to think you’re rushing off and forgetting about her.

“Sure,” Ellie says brightly before motioning to the plate of pastries. “You want any of these to go?”

“Nah, you enjoy them,” you insist with a flash of a smile. “You worked hard.”

You don’t look backwards as you rush out the door of their home and down the sidewalk of Rancher Street, convinced you can feel Joel’s dark gaze on you the entire way.

-----------------------------

secondary a/n: The other parts I wanted to include in this chapter were gonna bloat this installment into over 10k and I wasn't even finished so I had to break it up!

CHAPTER 11 SPOILERS BELOW THE JOEL

in chapter eleven there be smut.

TAGLIST:

@casssiopeia

@getitoutofmymind

@joeldjarin

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#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #smut #joel miller #pedro pascal #dad joel miller #fanfiction #fanfic #dark!joel x reader #dark!joel miller #dark!joel #mean!joel #joel miller the last of us #joel miller x f!reader #joel the last of us #joel miller fic #the last of us fic #tlou fic #the last of us fanfiction #tlou fanfiction #joel miller tlou #joel x reader #joel x you

[c00kieguy]

𝙳𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝙴𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚜 [Ch.3]

relationships: Aventurine x GN!Reader summary: Despite his fears and worries, Aventurine finally tells you about his past. Read more here cw: 2.1 quest SPOILERS, fluff, comfort, a bit of humor. a/n: not proofread unfortunately [The series is done!] Good luck on your Aventurine pulls! wc: 1.5k Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 (this one) masterlist

Before long, the next day emerged. It was Sunday now and you only had today to spend with your beloved boyfriend before you were back to working your regular shifts. It seemed the dishes had other plans however, having forgotten to wash them yesterday you had no choice but to get at them today. 

Unbeknownst to you, your boyfriend approaches you from behind. You feel his gentle touch as he wraps his arms around your waist and rests his head on you, his soft breath tickling your back. You take comfort in his presence but pay him no mind as you continue doing the dishes.

“Can we talk?” He suddenly asks. His quiet tone concerns you so you immediately stop what you’re doing to face him.

“What’s wrong?” You gently cup his face in your hand in worry. The sudden question had you run a million worst case scenarios in your head already.

“Nothing, don’t worry.” He places his hands over yours and gives you a careful smile. “I just have a few things to share, if you have the time?” 

You don’t even hesitate before dropping everything to accompany him to your room. Lying down on your shared bed you face each other. Kakavasha has his head on your chest while you rest yours on his hair. Normally your presence alone would be enough to calm his nerves, but today it had the opposite effect on him. 

Eventually you hear a quiet voice come from under you. “I…used to work for the IPC…” The IPC?

“Is that all?” You laugh a little. “Well, surprise! Me too.” Was this all? What a simple matter.

“You did?” He’s a little taken back at your confession and looks up at you for an explanation.

“It was just contract work, so not exactly working with them, but it’s basically the same isn’t it?” You say with a laugh. “Was this your big secret? That’s all?” He goes quiet at this. Here you were giving him your full attention and he couldn’t even muster up enough courage to spill the truth. He half wanted to just go along with it and live out his life with you in peace. ‘Yep that’s it haha’ and he could go on pretending like the former part of his life didn’t exist, but that would be unfair to you. More importantly, it would be unfair to his loved ones. 

He wanted you to know of his past, of his parents, his sister. He wanted to share with you the joyful and sorrowful parts of his past. He wanted you to know everything about him, but that’s the thing about being honest, he had to talk about it. Oh how he wished he could just airdrop his memories into your brain, maybe if he didn’t have to verbally state it, it won’t hurt as much.

You keep your eyes trained on him, waiting for him to continue, not rushing him. Your boyfriend simply tucks his head back under your chin, unable to look at you anymore. His ever growing anxiety makes him want to bury himself alive. There’s a long pause before he speaks again.

“Aventurine…” It’s soft, so soft you almost miss it. “That’s what I used to go by.” His voice slightly cracks at the end and he hopes you don’t notice.

“The stoneheart?” You can’t help your accusing tone. He couldn't be one of them…right? You’ve always been vocal about your dislike for the IPC, so to think your boyfriend was once an integral part of them left a pit in your stomach. Is this why he was so hesitant to share his past with you? Did he think you’d hate him?

“I’m sorry…” His voice only comes off as a whisper. He’s not sure if he wants to hold onto you tighter or if you’d prefer if he stops touching you altogether. Clenching his fist he really hopes it’s the former, he’ll allow himself that much hope at least.

“No, don’t apologize. I’m not mad at you, just a little shocked.” You quickly try to salvage the situation. To think the whole time you were the problem and not him, you couldn’t forgive yourself enough. “I should be apologizing. I’d never hate you, I could never do such a thing Kakavasha.” You allow yourself to rest your forehead on his, hoping he learns to trust you again, but he already does, he always did. “Should I call you Aventurine now?” He’s quick to shoot you down with a frantic look in his eyes.

“No, that was just a title. I…” He looks at you with such desperation in his eyes. “I love the way you say my name, so please, don’t ever stop using it.” Then that’s exactly what you’ll do.

Ah, wait. Amidst all your feelings you seemed to have brushed aside a crucial detail.

“What do you mean ‘used to’, you’re not a stoneheart anymore? What happened?” He sighs and looks away with an uninterested look. 

“I…left.” He says slowly. “I’ve fully repaid my debt to the IPC, so I just left.” He looks back at you, this time with a more certain look in his eyes. “I made sure they won’t have a reason to come find me again, and since they haven’t hunted me down yet, my plan must’ve worked.” He ends with a dry laugh. Anyone could tell he didn’t want to talk about it so you decide to change the topic to something a little more lighthearted.

“So, your friends. I’m guessing there’s more to them.” You found it cute how his face instantly lit up.

“Haha yea. The businesswoman I mentioned? She’s Topaz, a senior manager of the Strategic Investment Department.” It almost felt like he was bragging, 

“Another stoneheart…of course.” Your boyfriend misunderstands you and gives you a worried look so you immediately correct yourself. “Sorry it’s just. I thought you ran away from home, or maybe you were divorced with kids or something. Not…not this.” You say with an exaggerated sigh. You hope a small joke like this will lift the mood a little.

“Divorced with kids? Do I really look that old to you?” He laughs at your attempt at lightening the mood and you can’t help just join him. 

“I’m just…glad. That you feel comfortable enough sharing this with me.” You give him a warm smile. “I’m glad you trust me, Kakavasha.” You really did. You trusted him so wholly, and to have that trust given back to you felt wonderful. “Oh! What about the guy from Veritas Prime? I’m guessing he doesn’t actually go there?”

“Oh, he does. He’s not a student though, he’s a lecturer there.” He says nonchalantly. “Have you heard of Dr. Veritas Ratio?”

“Veritas Ratio? You’re friends with Veritas Ratio?!” You ask in exasperation. “I mean, who am I kidding, of course you are!” Being so high up in the IPC must give him unique privileges after all.

“You look a lot more shocked about this than Topaz haha. Why’s that?” He’s clearly amused by your reaction.

“I’ve always wanted to go there, but I could never pass the entrance exam.” You reply sheepishly. “The curriculum was way too packed and I realized I preferred something more down to earth anyway.” Reaching out for his face you gently tuck a strand of hair behind his ears. “And I’m happy I became a baker, after all, I wouldn't have met you otherwise.” Kakavasha gives you a small smile with his cheeks a slight tint of pink.

“So…any other strange friends you’re not telling me about?” He takes his time to think about it before replying.

“Well, there is one other. I’d like to think we’re friends but I’m not sure if she would agree.” He sounds melancholic at the thought. “She really helped a lot. There was a point in my life where…everything seemed meaningless. I wasn’t sure I was going to make it.” It must have been rough, being all alone, but you were glad there was at least someone there for him. “She was there to help me, a little. Something about an Emanator of Nihility telling you that there’s meaning to life is really encouraging I suppose.”

“AN EMENATOR??” You practically scream at him. 

“Yes, an Emenator.” How did he manage to get himself involved with an emenator? And not just any emenator, but one of Nihility?

“Incredible, your life is a million times more interesting than mine.” You say in defeat. He truly was amazing, and his circle of friends are as unique as one could get. Part of you felt a pang of jealousy, why couldn’t your life be even a fraction as interesting as his? You couldn’t help but want to know more. “How did you manage to escape? If you don’t mind telling me, I’m just a little curious.” 

“It’s a very long story.” He chuckles.

“I’m willing to listen.” You place a small kiss on his forehead. “If you’re willing to share.”

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 (this one) masterlist

© c00kieguy ➼ do not repost/copy/translate (without my permission) or claim any of my works as your own. Reblogs are appreciated ❣

#hsr aventurine #aventurine x reader #aventurine x you #aventurine x y/n #aventurine x gn reader #hsr x reader #hsr x you #hsr x y/n #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail x you #star rail aventurine #hsr x gender neutral reader #hsr x gn reader #gender neutral reader #hsr fluff #hsr fanfic #honkai aventurine #honkai star rail #c00kie.writes

[mikobeautifulheart]

Hiii, can I request a fic of nanami(established relationship) if he caught to in the act of trying to kill yourself. I get it if you won't do it though..❤

There is like nothing I won't write for I'm that desperate. Plus I have so many ideas.

Tw: self harm, destructive tendencies and depression (angst to ig)

They say you can tell when someone is going to commit. Obviously it isn't true.

You were the brightest person in the room, every morning when you were all getting assigned missions you would smile and greet everybody.

Nanami didn't know how you did it, always smiling when your job puts you to the dirtiest work of the world. Hell the day you stopped smiling was the day the world ended.

Maybe that's why he was so in love with you, you had so much affection to give him as he had for you, you could always smile brighter for him, laugh louder for him, all you ever did was make him happy.

"Y/n?" He said knocking on the bathroom door.

"Are you okay in there?" he said with little to no concern.

He had come home an hour ago and thought you must have still been on your mission because of how quiet the house was. That was until he heard noises in the bathroom.

"Mmmm" he heard muffled mumbles through the door, not even close to a proper response.

"Y/n i'm coming in okay?" He turns the handle but the door wont budge.

Another sound came from the other side of the door but it was louder like glass smashing on the tile floors.

"Stay away from the door, Do you hear me y/n? I'm going to knock it down"

He wastes no time before he takes a step back before kicking it the first time.

The door makes a splitting sound but dosen't open.

Second Kick.

Again, its more likely he's going to put a hole in the door before he breaks it down.

This time he slams his shoulder into it ripping the hinges off the wall and finally making the door weak enough to rip off the frame.

He pulls the door toward him so he dosen't hit you, and looks into the bathroom to see you on the floor, red around your torso, hair in your face.

He nearly took a step back in shock to see the horror infront of him. Still he went in and lifted your upper half off the ground to see where the blood was coming from.

As his eyes scanned you body you let out a groan.

"Sorry..." You said before quickly shutting your eyes in pain when he touched your arm.

"I didn't want you to be the one who found me..." You said before your mind gave out and your body went limp.

"Y/n? You have to keep your eyes open okay, can you hear me, Y/N" The longer he stayed the more of his composure he lost.

There it was, two long lines of red down both your arms. He rolled your sleeves up to get a better look.

"I'm going to get you to Shoko okay? Just hold out for me, please." He said scattering things all over the floor and pulling out things from the draws until he found bandages, if he didn't stop the bleeding now you would get to Shoko dead.

Carefully he starts wrapping your arms tightly, becoming worried but relived when you hissed in pain. He hated to see you in pain but at least he knew you were alive, alive enough to feel.

When the bandages were secure he carried you down to his car where he dialed Shoko right as he placed you along the passenger seats in the back. Even though it was late at night he knew Shoko would come in and save you.

He rushed you in watching to see if you were still breathing before laying you down in Shoko's clinic.

He waited out side and next to your bed all night, playing with the ring on your left hand.

As the sun came up the warm beams of light made your eyes open slowly.

''Morning" He said.

Nanami did'nt really know how to approach this, dose he ask questions now? Comfort you? Pretend it didn't even happen?

"Kento..." You said, voice groggy.

"Yes"

You reached your arm up to caress his face, a shooting pain ran down your arm and you gasped slightly before feeling tears prick the corner of your eyes.

THANK YOU FOR READING ♡

"You shouldn't really use your arms right now" He said holding your hand to his face.

"Ken...I'm sorry I didn't want you to find me like that, I never wanted tou to suffer because of me I-im so sorry." You said letting the tears go.

"Shhh, you don't have to think about that right now, your being put on a break. No working for 2 weeks, then we can talk okay?"

You nodded trying to hold back your tears as he pressed a kiss you your cheek.

But really he felt more insecure. Was he not enough? No. He just kept taking. Your smile, your laughter and your happiness.

From this day on he would give you everything he could, anything for your happiness.

AUTHOURS NOTE: If you don't like he ending that's cool because I have a similar fic here with a sadder ending, it's appart of my 5 stages of greife series.

#jujutsu nanami #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen x you #nanami x reader #jjk nanami #nanami kento #jjk angst

[theebubblegumbitch]

Innocence is Gone~

virgin!Ethan Landry x fem!ghostface!Reader

Synopsis: It all started with a passing comment about poor Ethan dying a virgin... Lucky for him, you weren't gonna let that happen.

Warnings: ghostface!fem!reader, sub!virgin!ethan landry, unprotected penetrative sex (wrap it tf up), overstim if you squint, death/murder mentions, knife mention/use for intimidation

⚠️You are responsible for your own media consumption. Please read responsibly. 18+ viewer discretion is advised.⚠️

"Am I gonna die a virgin?" was the question Ethan had openly posed towards the group during a discussion about the most recent Ghostface killings. Everyone else had shrugged it off as a funny joke, just awkward Ethan being himself, awkward. But you had thought he actually sounded legitimately concerned for that possible fate. You thought it would be best to try and offer some reassurance to the boy, to ease some of the tension and fear, and also to get any potential suspicious persons off your tail. "None of us are going to die Ethan, at least not for many, many years so don't even worry about that okay?" He looked at you for a second before nodding, still slightly anxious at the possibility of death, or maybe at the eye contact the two of you made for a fraction of a second. However, no matter the cause, it did make you feel slightly bad for lying to him.

It was now about a week after that little interaction, and you were quickly approaching Ethan's dorm, with ghostface costume fully adorned. You had tucked a knife into the waistband of your pants, although you didn't plan on using it for more than intimidation. You had planned to kill Ethan at first as he seemed like easy prey to you, but now you thought it best to keep him alive for now. After all, you could still have some fun with him.

You had now made your way through an open window, both cursing and praising Ethan in your head for this helpful but incredibly stupid action. You were in his bathroom now, the fresh smell of his shampoo still lingering along with the steam on the mirror. "He must've just finished showering." You thought to yourself as you examined the empty room, making your way to the door. You went to twist the nob as slowly as possible so as to not alert the man of your presence yet. Upon opening the door just a crack, you saw Ethan standing next to his bed shirtless, luckily for you with his back towards the door.

You slowly opened it more until you could slip through, now taking the time to remove the knife from your waistband. You quickly made your way across the room and subdued the man, holding his hands behind his back, knife pressing ever so gently against his throat. "Good evening Ethan, would you like to play a little game..." Your modulated voice asked as you felt him slightly tremble in your grasp. "Oh my god please don't kill me! I don't wanna die I'll do anything you ask please just please..." He was begging you to spare his life incessantly, voice wavering as he spoke. "Oh no Ethan, honey, I'm not here to kill you. I'm here to help you with your little...problem." You whispered that last bit in his ear as you dragged the blunt edge of the knife along it.

He shivered. "W-what problem are you talking about? And you're holding a knife against my face so it sure feels like you want to kill me!" He was rambling like crazy, and you would be lying if you said it didn't slightly turn you on. Well, maybe more than slightly... "I can do away with the knife if you promise to be good. Can you do that for me Ethan? Can you promise?" You lifted the knife from his skin ever so slightly to show you were serious. "Yes, yes I'll be good I promise you, just please put the knife away!" He was almost whimpering now, and it made you comply to his request even quicker, swiftly tucking the weapon back into your waistband. “The knife’s away now pretty boy.” You whispered in his ear once again, using your other free hand to trace simple shapes onto his arm.

“O-okay now, who are you! And if you don’t want to kill me then, what are you here to help me with?!” He had eased up a little once he realized the knife wasn’t in your hand anymore, but he was still shaking, obviously very afraid. “Do you really wanna know what I’m here for Ethan?” You asked in your normal volume. “Y-yes I do.” That was enough for you as you clutched at your mask, slowly removing it. “I’m here…” You threw the mask down on the bed in front of him. “…to help you…” You let go of his arms and placed a hand on his waist. “…with your little…” You spun him around to face you as you pushed him down onto the bed. “…virginity problem.” He was gawking at you now, completely slack jawed. “Y/N? You’re Ghostface?? And you want to have sex with me?” Both of those things were true, but you couldn’t let him know about the first one. At least not yet. “No of course I’m not actually Ghostface! You can get this costume pretty much anywhere online.” You said as you messed with the long black fabric. You couldn’t wait to take it off for him.

“But…” you paused for a second to straddle his lap, watching him inhale sharply. “…I do want to fuck you pretty boy.” You leaned in and went to suck a mark into his neck before stopping yourself. “Are you okay with that Ethan?” You gazed into his eyes as he started at you blankly, slowing nodding. “I need you to say it Eth.” You placed your hands on his shoulders, ready to move off of him if he didn’t comply. “Y-yes please I want you.” Finally, you could have some actual fun with him. You placed a kiss on his cheek before removing your ghostface robe, leaving you completely bare except for you red lace underwear.

“H- holy shit…” Ethan gasped out as his eyes trailed your chest. He looked fidgety, and you felt his dick strain under your lap. He was what you can only assume to be painfully hard. You decided to lightly brush down on him with your core as a simple, but effective gesture to let him know you knew how needy he was. “Wow that was fast, do I really turn you on that much Eth?” You asked the flustered boy as you sucked dark purple marks into his neck, watching them bloom like bloody flowers. “Y-yea you do. I think you’re so hot y/n really I do, I’ve wanted you so bad for so long…” He started whining a little the more he rambled on. You wouldn’t tell him this, but it made you embarrassingly wet. “Holy fuck you’re so wet I can feel it…” Ethan had panted out as he experimented with grabbing your breasts. Well so much for him not knowing his pathetic-ness turns me on You thought as you felt his shy, shaky hands grow a bit more bold.

“Can I put it in now? Please y/n? You need it too I can tell just p-please I’ll be good!” The curly haired boy begged you as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. He was right, if you wanted him before, want couldn’t even describe what you felt now. “Yea pretty boy I’ll put it in, I’ll make you feel good.” You stumbled out your words as you hastily pulled the drawstrings of his pants, not even bothering to pull down his boxers before pulling out his achy cock. “Impressive Landry…” You purred in his ear. Maybe you should fuck econ nerds more often… You pumped him a few times in your hand before properly positioning yourself to allow him to slip in, a task made incredibly easy by your impressive arousal. You slowly eased down, the pair of you sharing a gasp as you hit the hilt. He was as deep as he could possibly be in this position and he loved it.

“O-oh my god… You’re so warm a-and wet and fuck!” You had started to move during his praises, gaining a slow and steady rhythm, but you were pent up, and it wasn’t enough. “Eth I know it’s your first time and all, but i’m about to fuck the ever-loving shit out of you. Kay pretty boy?” You panted out at him as you picked up the pace. You could tell you probably had him thoroughly fucked out already judging by just how awestruck he look. So much that he could only nod.

And that was all you needed. You picked up the pace more and more, hearing Ethan get louder and louder under you. “Nghh- Ah- FUCK y/n please you have to get off i’m gonna cum please.” You knew he was worried about the lack of protection, you also knew that you couldn’t care less. You were so close to orgasm that there was no way you were stopping now. “It’s okay cum in me don’t worry it’s okay hon.” You breathed out as fast as humanly possible, your mouth desperate to match the speed of your body. Not long at all after, you felt Ethan buck his hips up harshly into you, and you were filled with a sudden warmth, one you’ve never felt before.

Ethan was the first guy to come inside of you, and the thought of that alone led you to your peak. Strings of moans and curses flowed from your lips like silk as you slowed down before eventually going limp over him. You felt his hands snake around your waist and grip you tight, and you knew you got exactly what you wanted.

“Now you can help me kill Tara.”

Author’s Note: IT’S FINALLY OUT!! my premiere Ethan Landry fic!! I hope you all enjoyed it cause I had sooo much fun writing it! I’d like to give a shoutout to some people who pushed me to get this one finished so without further adieu…

MANY THANKS TO: @taylormarieee @ivorysfilms @ethanlandrysrightballsack and @stickbodybighead !!! They were so supportive and kind and they are overall lovely people!!!

©️theebubblegumbitch| All rights reserved. Do not repost, re-upload, translate, modify, or claim my work as your own without permission.

#~grace writes! #smut #ethan landry x reader #ethan landry smut #ethan landry #scream 6 #scream #ghostface #ethan landry fanfiction #ethan landry x fem!reader #ghostface reader

[ask-funnybunnydoll]

Hi!

I think I have to move on.

You may have noticed that all of a sudden my posts have become less and less frequent. That's not on purpose I simply don't have the motivation to keep this ask blog going. I made this blog at the peak of my TADC hyperfixation because I knew it would give me the boost to work. At the start I made like, what? 2 a day, wowzas! Then it became like every other day posts. It's not that I don't enjoy the blog, the ship, the asks. Hell, the asks were the best part of this, I love just seeing what you guys come up with for these three and I get to do the even more fun part of drawing the answer.

But I still have no motivation to keep this going. And I have fixated on something else if you follow my main.

So, thank you for being here and still liking my posts even if I hadn't posted often. This was the most fun I've had and being my first ask blog I ever created just makes it more important to me.

I probably won't ever revive this blog but I'll keep it open for you. And if you want to see what the story I originally planned out was gonna be then check below the cut! Or if you wanna stay curious and theorize then just scroll by. Thank you again, hope ya have a great day and year. I hope my shit was at least okay to you.

I'm not gonna lie. Most of the stuff was just created along the way of drawing. I was like, huh this would be cool let's add that in. And ofc I didn't get to any juicy lore in this but it would've been rushed because I didn't plan beforehand... which you probably could tell xd

For Pomni, here's the plot twist: she's dead and her conscience was updated into the game to keep her somewhat alive. She worked in the place that created the game, she even took part in putting people in there. The entire game was just an expirement to test if immortality was possible, but of course.. everyone goes insane in there so they have to keep on and keep on trying with more and more people to get anywhere. They wait until someone goes to edge of absolute insanity and that's when they take them out of the game, their bodies are still kept alive and they go back to normal. They forget everything that happened while in the game. For Pomni she died just after her conscience was converted to the game, for others they were forced to go while alive. Who killed Pomni? Well, her boss, the head of the experimentation. Why? Idk 😭

For Jax, I gave him a dark story. He was isolated in his home and kept away from the outside world, which is why he lacks empathy, because he simply doesn't know how to feel that way when he never really had knowledge of emotions outside or even inside his home. His father was emotionally and physically ab4sive so.. that didn't help. He latched onto his mother the most but they never saw eachother often. That's all I had for him in mind.

For Ragatha, she lived in the country on her own land with her husband. Yup! She had a husband and a daughter too. Husband was a total jerk and she couldn't leave because she didn't want their kid to experience separated parents. She's a doll in the game because it resembles the doll she made for her daughter.

I also had some plot that I made up in my mind. Like.... Pomni at the end would be the last one alone in the digital circus. That being since she's dead she would just be yknow. Dead if she left the game. Jax and Ragatha leave but only because Pomni forces them. Again don't know how, I probably would have made it up while I went along with the story. So, Pomni is just there alone, with Caine. And she lives like that for eternity. She doesn't go insane anymore and it isn't as lonely as it used to feel like. It would feel like home kind of. But she would be there, longing for her partners forever unless she decides one day to just. Yknow, die..

Also since Jax and Ragatha would forget everything after they leave the game, they just don't remember they were in a relationship and would live their lives like before. Sad and lonely.

Goodness, I forget I make the most sad stories ever sometimes 😭

#thank you #anyway who wants to go get angel food cake 😍😍

[kangaracha]

skz + losing 3racha

(this is actually written by @keepswingin, who found out i was saving this for a nevermore oneshot and said 'not if i write it first' and kicked me out of my own house)

---

The door creaks as he pushes it open, the room beyond dark and unwelcoming in a way it's never been before. Minho's not used to this - the quiet, the lack of unopened snacks sprawled throughout the room, the absence of clothes, of beanies, of half-finished verses scribbled hastily on scraps of paper or napkin or an old thank you card from a sponsor. 

The room used to be alive with his memory. Now it just sits, a void of their own making, because attempting to do anything otherwise was something Minho couldn't bring himself to do. Not then, not after, and certainly not now, even if it was the company forcing him to be in here after threatening of doing it themselves. And Minho would never let them do something like this themselves. Not now, not ever, not when it was something that concerned Jisung of all people. 

"Is this it?" she asks, attempting to peer over his shoulder. She's a ball of energy wrapped with anxiety, he could tell from the moment he met her, and he had hated it. Hated how it reminded him of Jisung, hated how it reminded him that the world around him would keep spinning even if his own had stopped still. 

"Yes," he whispers, willing his voice to stay steady. 

He takes a step inside, and can't stop his chest from hitching, the soft exhale that leaves him breathless. The bed is made, stripped of old sheets. The shelves are empty, the desk pushed into the biggest corner wiped clean and prepared with a brand new laptop sitting on top. 

She brushes past him gently and comes to a stop in the middle of the room, eyes flickering across what awaits her. Her hands squeeze into fists beside her, and Minho hears her chest hitch too, but when she turns to him, there is nothing but excitement glittering in her eyes. 

"Thank you," she says, even taking the time to bow. Minho can't bring himself to react, at least not when he's frozen like this, unable to form anything close to words as the odd feeling in his chest tightens more. "I'm so grateful your company is providing me with this opportunity, and that you guys are being so welcoming." 

She watches him for a long moment, and if she's waiting for Minho to say something, he can't, he can't, not when he's in Jisung's room with someone else and Jisung hasn't been here in months, and the last thing Minho ever said to him was something he never should have said at all, and then he was gone, they were all gone, and Minho and the rest of them were - 

"Minho-ssi?"

- left behind.

Minho blinks. He feels like he wants to scream, or cry, or not speak for a long while. "I'm sorry," he whispers, turning towards the door. "Please let us know if you need anything." He closes the door behind him just breathes a for a moment, before pressing his forehead to the wood and closing his eyes. 

He can pretend that it's Jisung shuffling around inside if he closes his eyes.

o

The room is a mess of wires and cameras as he sits off to the side in a lonesome chair, allowing a crew member of the channel they're interviewing for to clip a microphone onto the collar of his shirt. The man doesn't say much as he does, and Minho doesn't really pay attention as he leaves, his mind beginning to drift as he watches someone else struggle with fixing Seungmin's shirt in front of him.

He gets lost in a mind a lot these days, and sometimes he doesn't even realize he's lost until one of the members is gently tugging his attention back to the present, a soft look here, a gentle touch there. Too nice, for someone like Minho, who is the barbed wire thrown over a fence long forgotten. Sharp edges and a sharper tounge, once upon a time. Now, he feels like something lost in the wind, far from home. 

"Okay, we're ready to start!" The director announces, walking into the middle of the set and clapping his hands together. "I'd like to go over a few things before we begin." 

And then he waits, eyes scanning the room, like he's looking for someone in particular. He is, because he wants the leader of the group, the one in charge of Stray Kids as a whole, and Minho doesn't realize that he's talking about him until Hyunjin is beside him and gently tugging him up from the chair. 

Minho turns to him, something hot prickling in his throat. He would spit an insult, before. Now, he simply presses his lips together and allows Hyunjin to walk him over to the director with a stiff smile. 

The director waits patiently as Hyunjin apologizes on Minho's behalf, and then the older man launches into what he expects from the shoot, among some other things. Minho doesn't really listen, simply nodding his head when needed. 

He forgets to speak up, sometimes. When they're filming or out at an event that is mostly spoken in a different language he doesn't care about enough to learn. But he's had to learn, and he's had to lead, and none of it ever makes sense in his head because all he wants to do is lock himself in Jisung's room and never come back out. 

Sometimes he even goes as far as pretending that Chan is still around, only for that cavern in his chest to grow wider when he turns and finds he was never there to begin with. 

"What do you think?" the director asks, curious tone cutting through Minho's thoughts. "You know your group best." 

This isn't my group, he nearly corrects, mouth forming Chan's name like second nature. But Chan isn't here, and Chan isn't the leader of Stray Kids anymore. Lee Minho is the one in charge of the five original members, and the three new ones. 

("To keep the name relevant," a higher up had said to Minho as soon as he had asked about two girls joining with only one new boy, instead of keeping them as an all boy group. "Sales are down, and the media has finally stopped talking about the other three. We need to send a positive message of acceptance in these trying times.")

There's a rope cutting into his chest. He can't breathe. Hyunjin squeezes his shoulder, thumb pressing against his skin hard enough to hurt. It keeps him from crying. He's thankful he doesn't cry. He's not supposed to cry. 

Chan was never supposed to leave. 

"Whatever you think works best."

o

The studio is cold and bare of the energy it used to have when Changbin would be there alongside the other two, spitting curses or lyrics or swatting at whoever had decided to make fun of him in the moment. Now it's home to a revolving door of producers that Minho never likes. 

Some bring lyrics that are too disconnected for singles. Others merely want to pander to the girls, offering them notes that Seungmin and Jeongin were more than capable of nailing themselves. The b-sides don't flow like they used to, and far too many of them are disjointed and heavy in rapping that's too heavy for songs meant to be light. 

The chorography is the only thing that stays the same after all this time, the one thing Minho can still throw himself into without having to think. He's given Hyunjin and Felix more work to do in having to train two girls with left feet, though the new guy wasn't too bad, but they never complained. 

"Good," this producer tells him, waving a hand with a small smile. "That's all your lines." 

Minho wants to say something, anything. He wants to record the whole thing, strain his letters less, hit that note like how he should be able to. But the words well up in his throat, and nothing comes out. 

He nods, and murmurs his thanks as he pulls the headset off. 

The booth is too quiet. The producer is too quiet. 

Everything is too quiet without a voice to tie all of it together. 

o

He stands on the bridge and watches the boats as they pass underneath him, the wind stinging at his cheeks. Every breath fills his chest with cold air, and it keeps him here, and awake, and alive, as he watches the lights of the city blink and flicker in the distance. 

Minho had brought Jisung here, years ago. They had talked for hours, standing on the edge of the universe, even if it was nothing more than the pathway of a bridge. He had smiled so much that his cheeks had hurt, and Jisung's laughter had been the sweetest thing he had ever heard. Minho had hugged him - pulled him close and buried his face in the crook of his neck, stayed there until forever was something he thought possible. 

"I'll never forget you," he whispers against the next breeze, hoping it will carry his words to wherever they were, wherever Jisung was. "I don't think I ever could." An exhale that rattles his bones. "I don't want to." 

He closes his eyes. Listens to the wind, and the waves, and the beat of his own heart. 

Something warm wraps around him, squeezing him tight. It feels like someone he knows. He doesn't open his eyes, afraid to shatter whatever illusion his mind has created this time. And then a hitch of breath, and a small, raspy voice, whispering close to his ear. 

"You don't have to." 

#stray kids #skz #lee know #minho #lee minho #skz imagine #stray kids imagine #lee know imagine #minho imagine #lee minho imagine #skz imagines #stray kids imagines #lee know imagines #minho imagines #lee minho imagines #roo writes #the urge to make this a full smau #someone hold me back tie me to a chair #queenmaker but make it DEVASTATING THE WHOLE TIME #like seriously this has brainworms in it #i had to call keeps a genius and i don't like it #i'm the only one allowed to have good ideas on this blog #but you know SOME people can't be controlled #anyway just fucking #imagine #this #fic #as an #smau #gen fic?

[name-6775]

I started rereading the kotlc books some while ago and I have been writing down all the quotes that I have been able to find and that I have liked from each book, so now that the kotlc quote bracket is finished I wanted to share a part of my list:

Keeper of the lost cities:

“Okay,” she agreed. If he refused to be serious, so would she. “Fine. I’m an elf. Am I supposed to help Frodo destroy the ring and save Middle-earth? Or do I have to make toys in the North Pole?” - Sophie

“There’s no reason to worry” - Alden

“I have a feeling you can do pretty much anything you put your mind to. So stop doubting yourself and go prove me right” - Keefe

“I’d rather be punished for making the right decision than live with the guilt of making the wrong one for the rest of my life.” - Sophie

Keeper of the lost cities - Exile:

“Sparkles make everything better” - Biana

‘Those who wander are not lost’

‘Let the past be your guide’

“Follow the pretty bird across the sky” - Jolie / Prentice

“While I’m not the one who cast the first sparks, I am willing to help keep the flames alive” - Fintan

“Remember, if you fall apart, then all of this was a waste. Breaking Prentice led us to you—and my dad always believed you were the key to everything. It’s why he worked so hard to find you. So if you let the guilt break you, then everything he did was for nothing” - Alvar

“You’d be surprised at how powerful hope can be” - Terik

“I know I crack a lot of jokes, Sophie, but . . . that’s just because it’s easier, you know? It’s how I deal. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care. I do. A lot” - Keefe

“We could all use a little more weird in our lives” - Fitz

Keeper of the lost cities - Everblaze:

“There’s no reason to worry too much” - Alden

“I’ve realized now that our world doesn’t define us. We define our world” - Grady

“Right. Because our family doesn’t decide who we are. We decide who we are. Believe me, it drives my parents crazy. And sometimes that’s the only thought that gets me through the day” - Keefe

“The right road is rarely the easy road. And no war was ever fought without casualties” - Mr. Forkle

“There will always be people who disappoint us, and it’s up to us to decide when to forgive, and when to walk away” - Edaline

“Hindsight is a dangerous game to play” - Edaline

“And if whatever you’re chasing starts to catch up with you—run, don’t walk away” - Edaline

“It takes a special person to see darkness inside of someone and not condemn them” - Bronte

“Because of one simple fact: I knew it was right” - Alden

“It reminds us just how small we really are, and how big the rest of the world is by comparison. One person is not the source of anything—it’s millions of pieces all working together. And it shows us that there’s always hope—always light. No matter how much darkness we might be facing” - Edaline

#kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #kotlc sophie #kotlc fandom #kotlc quotes #kotlc everblaze #kotlc exile

[munchmemes]

taylor swift lyrics, the tortured poets department edition, part two

guilty as sin?

▸ my boredom's bone-deep. ▸ am i allowed to cry? ▸ i'm seeing visions, am i bad? or mad? or wise? ▸ one slip and i'm falling back into the hedge maze. ▸ oh, what a way to die. ▸ i keep recalling things we never did. ▸ how i long for our trysts. ▸ how can i be guilty as sin? ▸ i keep these longings locked inside a vault. ▸ someone told me there's no such things as bad thoughts, only your actions talk. ▸ they're gonna crucify me anway. ▸ what if they way you hold me is actually what's holy? ▸ i choose you and me religiously.

who's afraid of little old me?

▸ the "who's who?`" of "who's that?" is poised for the attack. ▸ you don't get to tell me about 'sad'. ▸ if you wanted me dead, you should've just said. nothing makes me feel more alive. ▸ who's afraid of little old me? you should be. ▸ the scandal was contained, the bullet had just grazed. ▸ at all costs, keep your good name. ▸ you don't get to tell me you feel bad. ▸ is it a wonder i broke? ▸ let's hear one more joke. then we could all just laugh until i cry. ▸ i was tame, i was gentle till the circus life made me mean. ▸ they say they didn't do it to hurt me but what if they did? ▸ i want to snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me. ▸ you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me. ▸ isn't that what they all said? that i'm fearsome and i'm wretched and i'm wrong. ▸ you lured me and you hurt me and you taught me. ▸ you caged me and then you called me crazy. ▸ i am what i am 'cause you trained me.

i can fix him (no really i can)

▸ the jokes that [you/they] told across the bar were revolting and far too loud. ▸ they shake their heads, saying "god help [them]" when i tell 'em you're the one. ▸ i can fix him, no really i can. and only i can. ▸ i could see it from a mile away. ▸ you had a halo of the highest grade, you just hadn't met met yet. ▸ come close, i'll show you heaven if you'll be an angel all night. ▸ trust me, i can handle me a dangerous [man/woman].

loml

▸ we were just kids, babe. ▸ i don't mind, it takes time. ▸ i thought i was better safe than starry-eyed. ▸ i felt aglow like this. never before and never since. ▸ you and i went from one kiss to getting married. ▸ you said i'm the love of your life about a million times. ▸ a conman sells a fool a get-love-quick scheme. ▸ i felt a hole like this never before and ever since. ▸ what we thought was for all time was momentary. ▸ i wish i could un-recall how we almost had it all. ▸ the coward claimed he was a lion. ▸ i'll still see it until i die. you're the loss of my life.

i can do it with a broken heart

▸ i can show you lies. ▸ i'm a real tough kid, i can handle my shit. ▸ they said 'you gotta fake it 'til you make it' and i did. ▸ you said you'd love me all your life but that life was too short. ▸ i can do it with a broken heart. ▸ i'm so depressed, i act like it's my birthday every day. ▸ i cry a lot but i am so productive, it's an art. ▸ you know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart. ▸ i can hold my breath, i've been doing it since [you/they] left. ▸ i'm miserable and nobody even knows!

the smallest man who ever lived

▸ was any of it true? ▸ now you know what it feels like. ▸ i don't miss what we had. ▸ in public, you showed me off then sank in stoned oblivion. ▸ you didn't measure up in any measure of a man. ▸ were you sent by someone who wanted me dead? ▸ good riddance 'cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden. ▸ i would've died for your sins. instead i just died inside. ▸ in plain sight you hid but you are what you did. ▸ i'll forget you but i'll never forgive.

the alchemy

▸ this happens once every few lifetimes. ▸ these chemicals hit me like white wine. ▸ what if i told you i'm back? ▸ the hospital was a drag. worst sleep i ever had. ▸ ditch the clowns, get the crown. ▸ what if i told you we're cool? ▸ honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy? ▸ where's the trophy?

clara bow

▸ all your life, did you know you'd be picked like a rose? ▸ i'm not trying to exaggerate but i think i might die. ▸ this town is fake but you're the real thing. ▸ take the glory, give everything. ▸ promise to be dazzling. ▸ you're the new god we're worshipping. ▸ beauty is a beast that roars down on all fours, demanding more. ▸ it's hell on earth to be heavenly. ▸ them's the breaks, they don't come gently.

#rp meme #rp starters #sentence starters #lyrics rp starters #lyrics starters #roleplay meme #lyrics rp meme #lyrics meme #taylor swift lyrics rp meme

[who-knew-a-sheep-can-write]

hey there! you’re like the one of few blogs that still write for bigby! you’re single handedly keeping my obsession alive with him. do you have just any random head cannons about him that you can share!

I'm doing it just for you pookies >:) Ima give you some romance headcanons

If Telltale won't give me more Bigby, I will always deliver

Also FUCK i missed doing headcanons, please send in some ideas

🌙This man is fucking dedicated to you and only you. As much as he hates the jokes about being a loyal dog or even a lap dog, it's kind of true when you both get serious.

🌙He cuts down on his smoking as much as he can. Bigby often smokes to dull his supernatural senses just to avoid sensory overload. However, when you both got together, Bigby noticed something worked even better than Huff n' Puffs: Your scent. What's the point of smoking upwards of almost two packs a day when he can inhale that sweet sweet scent of yours?

🌙Bigby tries to make himself more presentable at first. He feels like he has to make a good impression despite you both knowing each other for centuries. He shaves more to keep his ever-growing stubble at bay, he keeps himself groomed and washed, he starts to use his cologne more, he even puts more effort into his laundry to get the ash and whiskey stains out of his shirts and pants.

🌙He is a sucker for kisses on his cheek. Whether you have to stand on your toes or bend down, you can find him faintly blushing and looking away sheepishly from the act of romance. If you kiss him on the cheek while he's smoking, the poor cigarette would burn up fast and Bigby would almost choke on the smoke.

🌙Bigby's love language is definitely acts of service. Bigby loves doing things for you, especially the little things that really drive it into him how much he craves a domestic life. Unfortunately, Bigby is sometimes too busy to be there for it to be quality time - but fuck if he doesn't absolutely love every minute he spends with you. He isn't good with words at times which has lead to very awkward moments and even funnier ones. Bigby never had an eye for gifts and has little experience with them, but he fucking loves whatever you get him even if it's a new tie.

🌙Bigby loves dates where it takes place in nature, especially at night when there are less people out and about. Walks through Central Park, night treks through botanical gardens, going down the boardwalks in Staten Island, resting on the cold sand of the beaches. There was one date you both went on at the beach at night where it was just the two of you along the balmly coast. You and Bigby were messing around near the waves when you both somehow ended up knee-deep in the waves. Bigby had you in his strong arms, holding you close as you both laughed and kissed before you playfully splashed water on him. It was safe to say you both ended up at his apartment soggy.

🌙If you ever wanna make this man blush heavily: Compliment him. And do not let up. Bigby likes the act annoyed at first, hiding his face by turning away and playfully scoffing only for him to break and flush at your sweet words. He loves it especially if you compliment him on the things that normally make people uneasy. His gaze, his strength, his wolf.

🌙Bigby, at first, was uneasy turning with you around. He was worried that you would be terrified of him, and that was something he couldn't handle at the time. Despite the fact that you knew what he was before and now after the Homelands and even seeing all of him, he still wasn't excited to show them at first.

🌙You're the only one who can say things that someone would say to their pet pooch, but only to a limit. Saying stuff like 'Good boy' however is a good way to rile him up, especially if you say it all sultry.

🌙When you hang around his office, he likes it when you put on a true crime podcast for Mundies. He had somehow crammed a couch into his office for you to lounge on as you both listened to how fucking crazy those Mundies could be, especially from the state of Florida. Some of the stories you both listened to were so outrageous, that Bigby stopped what he was doing and completely forgot about it because he couldn't believe what he heard as you cackled at his expression.

🌙Ever since you two started dating, Bigby finally started to use his bed again. His poor chair was left abandoned at night when you both would go to bed unless Colin passed out on it. There were times where you would pop in and see Bigby passed the fuck out on it still. He definitely sleeps like a victorian boy with the plague.

🌙Bigby loves going over to your apartment just to drown in your scent. He often doesn't want to leave your bed at times just so he can bury his head in your neck or in your pillow if you had gotten up. If he could, he would want to spend all day in the sheets just lying with you.

🌙Another one of your favorite dates to do if the weather is shitty out is snuggling up together on your couch and watch Mundy cop shows, especially the ones with bad acting and writing. You like to ask him what he would do in the cases shown and Bigby's usual answers have to do with punching the crook or sarcasm.

🌙If Bigby wolfmans out, he loves it when you stroke his fur and scratch at the raw skin beneath, especially around his neck. He can't really speak like this but he's sure to groan and growl in pleasure. He loves how your hands roam freely, without a trace of fear, around his hulking body. He loves it when you compare the size of your hand to his clawed one.

🌙When it's a full moon, Bigby gets a little weird. He's not forced to turn thanks to whatever spells the witches on the thirteenth floor put on him, but he does act differently. He needs to be around you, needs to have you in his sights and he needs to smell you or else he feels the beast inside of him go crazy. Don't be surprised if Bigby gets excited that night.

🌙He loves it when you look into his eyes when they're all wolfy and yellow. He can see the faint glow reflecting off of your eyes and it makes his chest feel so warm and fuzzy inside.

🌙If you're a fable that can change forms, you both often turn behind closed doors and drawn curtains for both fun and comfort. Sometimes keeping the beast pent up for too long can drive Bigby crazy and he knows it's the same for you. There have been times where you both would wrestle for fun.

🌙There have been times where Bigby would come home bloodied and bruised. He hates seeing you so worried for him and he hates it even more that you always clean and patch him up. You shouldn't have to do this, you shouldn't have to take care of him like this but you do. Bigby would sit on the toilet seat silently and watched as you worried over him. He hates making you worry.

🌙Bigby sometimes gets into these moods where he feels like you could do so much better than him. He doesn't even tell you at first when you gently ask him if he was alright, but he eventually breaks. He feels like you shouldn't be with a monster like him. You get shit for being with him and he hates that. His thoughts get shut down quickly by you pressing a firm kiss to his cheek and tell him how much you love him and how you'll always love him.

🌙Bigby loves it when you compliment his strength. He never thought about it before until he had to hoist up a truck to help Flycatcher with no problem. Just hearing you compliment his strength made him almost drop the truck on the poor frog prince below. Ever since then, Bigby likes to show off here and there just for you to coo and oogle over him.

🌙When you both sit together on the couch, he loves it when you either sit in his lap or have your legs stretch over his own with his hands stroking them. If you're in his chair, he loves it when you straddle him, pinning him back against his chair with the tv forgotten about behind you.

🌙Play with his hair. Play with his hair. Just do it, trust me. He will be putty in your hands if you play with his hair, especially as you're kissing. Scratch your nails gently against his scalp, twist his thick locks between your fingers, tug on it. You won't be sorry.

🌙Bigby loves it when you wear his clothing, especially his button-ups even if they don't close up. It started one fall when the temperature dipped below what was originally forecasted. Bigby saw you shiver once from a gust of wind and off came his coat. And that's when it started. He claims it's another scent thing, but just seeing you wearing his clothes really stirs something inside of him.

🌙When you two kiss, he loves it when your hands paw at his body. He loves it when they travel along his brawny limbs and dance across his broad chest and shoulders and crawling down his trim stomach. It drives him crazy as he snarls into the kiss. Oh, and if you sink your nails into his skin? Nip at his bottom lip? You're tipping him over the edge.

🌙He rests so much easier now with you by his side. He's never felt like this before with anyone, his little crush on Snow doesn't even come close to the love this man feels for you. The ring hidden away in his desk was proof of that.

#the wolf among us #twau #bigby wolf #bigby x reader #bigby wolf x reader

[crystal-cliffs]

Okay so I slept on it and uhm

I still don’t know what to say about this animated short. Crucabena, the clash, Scaramouche in his oversized jacket

But I think I’ll do the things that definitely stuck out to me and probably seeing things that aren’t there.

1. Crucabena and the Lumidouce Bells

So, when Arlecchino confronts Crucabena she’s in front of two dead or dying Lumidouce bells. She says she should’ve pruned the flower long ago instead of waiting for it to already show signs of decay before finally pruning it. When your prune your flowers you’re trying to control their size and shape, optimize its blooms, and to get rid of any diseased, dead, or dying parts that can’t be saved. However, her plant is already beyond saving since whatever she should’ve pruned to keep the flower alive has already taken over the rest of the flower. So of course these flowers probably represent Arlecchino. How Crucabena should’ve reigned in her child long before she finally rebelled. The choice of flower though is fun, we’ve been told time and time again that this flower is supposed to represent parting and the wish for reunion. This could represent their inevitable parting, but I’m more partial to the idea that the two blooms represent Peruere and Clervie. I mean two Lumidoce bells both dying, flowers that represent parting and the wish for reunion. The 4.6 preview page with her on it, the 4.6 trailer saying Father is looking for someone. Yeah…

2. The implication of ‘Father’ as a title.

So… using a title that contradicts someone who has caused pain your life because you don’t want to be associated with them ever again and you strive to be better than they ever were. Yeah…

Being serious though, other than the fact that she might not want to be associated with someone like Crucabena, the title Father we already know comes with very different implications, and now that we know Crucabena was called Mother I think I can safely come to the conclusion that the term Father also represents an entirely different role, not just the same role under a different name. After all, in the very end Arlecchino uses the terms ‘strict’ and ‘unfeeling’. Which whilst we know Crucabena was brutal, in the beginning she’s reading them a story book and is overall showing happiness, contentment, and then ‘concern’ over where Peruere was. Her role whilst being someone we should stomp into the dirt was filled with emotion, but that emotion and care is fake. It was only used as a weapon against her, and a weapon against her family. So now, as Father she is hiding whatever she feels probably because she thinks showing how much she cares would only hurt the orphans under her care, especially since if this is the case her feelings and her actions would directly contradict each other and would only confuse the children.

You care about them but you make them do all these horrible things? It’s probably the same dilemma Peruere went through, you care and yet here I am experiencing pain that you caused. On this note, something a little smaller…

3. Peruere becoming Arlecchino.

This will be shorter as there’s not much to say, but she was arrested clearly when they found out she killed Crucabena, a harbinger. However then the Tsaritsa pardons her crimes and takes her into the Fatui. Now, this is important to me because I think we can conclude that Peruere didn’t want to become a harbinger, that wasn’t her goal, she didn’t want to become the exact same person Crucabena was and now here she is getting bestowed her title and I can only assume her name too. Just as Pierro says “This title and its legacy of bloodshed are now yours to bear, my poor, mad, cursed Knave.” The only thing I can say is this was certainly the beginning of the end for our poor Knave.

I have more but I lost most of it

Either way I hope Freminet calls Arlecchino out on how she’s starting to behave like Crucabena in a few ways. Let my man scream, he deserves it bro.

#Arlecchino #Arlecchino Genshin impact #genshin impact #˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊crystal talks

[swiftieblyth]

Troublesome Twin:

Warning list-

hunger games warning, abusive family, mother died in childbirth with the twins, Arachne, Coriolanus Snow, Dr. Gaul, violence, and murder.

I think that’s all, let me know if there’s more!

Word count- 1075

Coryo and Y/N got out of the car to Dr. Gaul’s office. Y/N was struggling to stay awake from the dagger in her leg and the blood seeping out. 

“We’re here, love.” Coryo whispered, picking her up bridal style and carrying her to Dr. Gaul’s office. 

“Snow stormed down, down on his head.” Dr. Gaul let out. “It stormed down on his head, and now the boy is…” Dr. Gaul laughed then sighed when she didn’t get the response she wanted. (She hasn’t seen Y/N’s leg yet. Don’t worry she’s not ignoring her injured god-daughter. I’m not that mean) “You’ve had enough of the Games tonight, I see. Come, sit. I’ll stitch you up.”

“Take care of Y/N first.” Coryo ordered, walking over to Dr. Gaul.

“Y/N?” Dr. Gaul asked. “What happened to her?”

“She has a dagger stuck in her leg.” Coryo explained.

“Oh dear. Come on.” Dr. Gaul ordered, walking to a lab table. “Lay her down.”

Coryo did as he was told and carefully put Y/N down on the table.

“Coryo…” Y/N slurred.

“Shh, it’s okay baby.” He cooed, brushing some hair out of her face. “Dr. Gaul is going to help you.”

“What about you?”

“She’ll help me after you.”

“Alright my dear,” Dr. Gaul gently let out, putting gloves on. “This is going to hurt, but I need you to stay awake. Hold Mr. Snow’s hand.”

“O–okay.”

Dr. Gaul started to remove the dagger and Y/N started to cry in pain, holding tighter onto Coryo. “Stop! Please stop!” She begged.

“I’m sorry my dear. I’m almost done.” Dr. Gaul explained. “Just let me do one more pull and then I’ll stitch you up.”

“Hey, it’s okay, love.” Coryo cut in. “Once it’s out it’s going to feel better, and it will start to heal.”

“And you can get fixed.”

“Yeah. Once you’re taken care of Dr. Gaul will help take care of me.”

“Okay.” Y/N breathed.

Dr. Gaul was able to take out the dagger and stitch her leg up. Y/N was now laid down on the ground head resting on Coryo’s legs as she slept.

He moved his fingers around her hair as Dr. Gaul started to stitch his shoulder. 

“Who could imagine Crassus Snow’s baby boy fighting for his life in the arena one day? What happened in there, that’s humanity undressed. Fueled with the terror of becoming prey, see how quickly we become predator. See how quickly civilization disappears.”

“Those tributes don’t have a choice.” Coryo let out, looking at Y/N.

“I was talking about you.” Gaul explained. “All your fine manners, education, background, stripped away in the blink of an eye, leaving a boy with a club who beats another boy to death to stay alive.”

“He tried to kill my girlfriend.” Coryo breathed, feeling the tears form as he watched Y/N sleep peacefully on his legs.

“You wanna protect people, Mr. Snow? To govern them like your father?”

“I want to keep Y/N safe.”

“Then it’s essential you accept what human beings are and what it takes to control them.”

Y/N woke up as Coryo got onto the elevator up to the penthouse, head leaning on his chest as he cradled her.

“Hey, love.” Coryo smiled.

“Hi,” Y/N mumbled. “Are we almost home?”

“Yeah. We’re in the elevator.”

“How’s your shoulder?”

“It’s fine, my love,” Coryo let out, kissing her head. “I’ve got you. Once we get home we can go to bed.”

“Okay,” Y/N sighed, resting her head more onto his chest, letting a tear fall as she sniffled.

“What is it, my love?” Coryo asked, looking down at her.

“I was so scared.”

“I know.” Coryo cooed. The elevator stopped and Coryo walked out but stopped right outside the door to their penthouse. “But I’ve got you. I’ve always got you.”

“I thought I was going to die.” Y/N struggled through a strangled sob. “I– I couldn’t breathe. An–and–and then he—he tried to kill me, Coryo.”

“I know, I know.” Coryo cooed, holding her tighter to his chest, resting his chin on her head. “But he didn’t. I’m never going to let anyone ever hurt you again. I promise.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Why are you sorry my love, none of this is your fault.”

“You told me to wait, but I didn’t.”

“Hey, hey, look at me. That doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you're safe.”

“I should’ve just listened to you.”

“Hey, you’re okay. It’s okay. We’re okay. But please never put yourself in danger again. I can’t take it, darling. I need to know you’re okay.”

“I promise.” Y/N sighed. “Can we go to bed now?”

“Of course.”

Coryo opened the door, and softly closed it behind him as Tigris rushed in, feet all over her face.

“They sent us into the arena tonight, Tigris.” Coryo explained, as Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck tighter.

“What?” Tigris gasped, looking between her cousin and his girlfriend.

“To get Sejanus out,” Y/N let out, looking at Tigris.

“What happened? Are you two okay?”

“I killed someone,” Coryo breathed, tears forming in his eyes. “A boy.”

“That must have been awful,” Tigris let out, twisting Y/N’a hair gently in her fingers.

“It was,” Coryo let out, looking down at Y/N’s weak and scared figure as she cried in his arms. “But he was trying to kill Y/N. Then it felt… powerful.”

“Coryo,” Tigris breathed, trying to hide her fear. “I know you want to be like your father but what I remember the most about him was that in his eyes, it was just hate. You don’t have to pay the same price just to survive. People can be good. You can be good. You are good. Just believe in that.”

“Coryo,” Y/N let out, cuddling into his chest as he held one arm around her waist, and the other carefully holding her leg up on his for comfort on the injured leg. 

“What is it, my love?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Killing him for me. He was going to kill me if you hadn’t.”

“I know, baby. But I’ve got you, yeah? I’ve always got you. I’ll kill everyone in order to keep you safe.”

“Thank you.” Y/N breathed. “I love you so much.”

“I love you more darling. Now get some rest. You need it.”

tag list here

Tag list: @uglyfish3rman, @Edb954, @joyfulyouthlover,

#tom blyth fluff #tom blyth fanfiction #tom blyth imagine #tom blyth x reader #tom blyth x you #tom blyth x fem!reader #tom blyth #corio snow #coriolanus fanfiction #coriolanus imagine #coriolanus snow fanfic #coriolanus snow #coriolanus snow fanfiction #coriolanus snow fluff #coriolanus snow imagine #coriolanus snow x reader #coriolanus snow x wife #coriolanus snow x you #coriolanus x reader #coriolanus x you #corionalus snow #coryo #coryo snow #coryo x reader #suzanne collins #young coriolanus snow #coryo x you #president snow #the hunger games #the ballad of songbirds and snakes

[hopeswriting]

was thinking about takeshi and how he's my favorite brand of unconditional devotion btw. the utter and absolute and all-consuming kind that runs so deep to the very core and is so intrinsic and fundamental to it, it can only express itself in the most casual and natural and certain way. without second thoughts, without any room for doubts or for any moral dilemma to be had over it, because of course he ought to always be breathing and living for his chosen person first and foremost. of course he ought to hang on their every word and make them true no matter what, no matter what he has to do to make it happen, no matter what he has to do to other people to make it happen, and no matter what it might turn him into in the process. because it's obviously the way the world should be for his chosen person. at their feet, ready to bend over backwards and break and build itself again to better answer to all their needs even if they don't ask it for it. it's the only right way it should be for them, and of course takeshi's going to do his utmost at all times to make it a reality as much as possible.

and his devotion comes out as naturally as breathing, comes out lighthearted and nonchalant like he might as well be talking about the weather, but it's not unaware of itself. it's not that takeshi doesn't know it's unhealthy and wrong and that he's willing to go entirely too far in its name for anyone's good. it's not that he wouldn't hear you out if you were to sit him down and explain to him just why he needs to tone it down a little (a lot). logically, he'd agree with you and know you're right. and then he'd tell you he's still not going to do anything whatsoever about it. that he's not bothered by it and doesn't feel the need to change anything to his attitude. makes it a point to never let anyone or anything sway him even an inch in the stand he took when it comes to that, no matter how many thousand of times you might go over the subject with him.

because the morality of his devotion isn't the point at all. is entirely irrelevant to it and doesn't affect the way he expresses it all. it's not the metric with which he draws a line in the sand to hold it accountable to. because the thing is, takeshi's entire world revolves around tsuna--tsuna is his entire world altogether, and it's just a matter of fact, that simple. to him it's a truth as unchanging as the sky being blue, and so being the way he is according to that truth is the only way he can imagine being that'd feel right to him. and so the actual and only metric that matters here is "would tsuna be happier if i were to do this?" and/or "is this something tsuna needs me to do?"

and like. i don't think takeshi ever stops being a kind person capable of compassion and understanding and mercy and forgiveness even ten years later once they became mafia through and through. and i don't think either he grows up to be feared and called a monster per se despite the things they inevitably had to do during those ten years (and the things they'll inevitably keep having to do as long as they keep being mafia), at least not in the way, for example, they'll never stop fearing and calling mukuro one. but i do think that among the tenth gen, he ends up being the one with the most ruthless, merciless and horrific blood on his hands of that particular and distinct loving kind. you know the one i mean, right? he comes to be the one most expected and the one first expected to be willing and to take it upon himself to go through with it when the need arises. and to think little of it after, if anything at all. all in the name of making tsuna's reign as easy on him as possible.

and it's to the point where it's the kind of blood that makes even mukuro pause at times. or, when takeshi is the one coming up with solutions himself during meetings, makes even reborn blink. not because it's unjustified or wouldn't be safe or efficient or anything of the sort, but because it is unwarrantedly thorough in its retaliation. and sometimes, at times like this, he's the one tsuna needs to step in for the most, because he's the only one who can reason with him that "yes, this would work in getting rid of our problem" but "no, please, don't do that takeshi". because if tsuna is the only thing that infers on just how much and in what ways he'll let himself be devoted to him, then of course, he's also the only one takeshi's willing to reign himself in for without second thoughts. because he'd hate to ever do something tsuna would disapprove of or wouldn't want him to do. or do something that'd make tsuna see him differently or love him back less even in the slightest.

and it's also like. his devotion isn't an undisciplined one. it's not one he doesn't have control over, the very opposite. it's a very purposeful and conscious choice he chooses to keep making over and over again every step of the way, and he taught himself to have control over it, to know when it's needed and/or wanted, and how much and in which ways it is when it happens, and to keep it down otherwise. and, yes, to also reign it back in at tsuna's request at times when it still slips past his control. because it's all about making tsuna's happiness easier and secure and long-lasting, and never about burdening him with just how committed he is to do that.

so it comes down to this: takeshi willing to go above and beyond and more for tsuna unless tsuna explicitly asks him not to. and to tsuna needing to ask him not to every now and then. and to other people pointing out to him how too many times tsuna's already needed to stop him, and that maybe there's a hint for him to take there. and to takeshi seeing the hint, looking it straight in the eye and recognizing it for what it is and just. deciding it doesn't apply to him because it's all perfectly normal behavior to him. because it's the only kind of behavior that makes sense to him and feels right.

and so—to circle back to my first point—he can only express his devotion as naturally as breathing, so casually, almost like it's something inconsequential and not worth talking about despite how unmistakably it couldn't be further away from being the truth. it's the only way he could have always known how to express it, because, after all, who has ever taken time to ponder about the details and the hows of the way they breathe?

and i, for one, absolutely eat that shit up every time, thanks for coming to my ted talk <3

#katekyo hitman reborn #khr #khr meta #can i even call this one?? well i'm going to anyway lol #yamamoto takeshi #sawada tsunayoshi #i've never been normal about devotion in stories and characters and won't ever be so sorry if this doesn't make sense #also this is not to say the 10th gen loves tsuna any less unconditionally this isn't a competition #it's just me saying the particularities and specificities of the way takeshi specifically does it appeal to me the most #which is one of the reasons why i have such a big soft spot for 8027 #and it's not a problem in their relationship either btw that's also not what i'm saying #like tsuna doesn't mind it and absolutely /does/ reciprocate it 100% #he's just careful to keep an eye out so none of them will lose themselves along the way #also this is within the context of me shifting canon slightly to the left in the way where the 10th gen loves tsuna /so much/ #they could just as well actually and properly worship him as a god and it still wouldn't make a single difference #and me liking to lean into that fully and taking it to extremes and it inevitably becoming some extent of dark #because considering the environment canon makes them express it (the mafia) it's like. well how else are they meant to keep it alive #and make sure it survives through it without giving it sharp teeth and claws and jagged edges of its own you know? #so if you feel like this is some kind of ooc-ness you're not wrong #but also consider: i'm not wrong either <3 #anyway consider also: unconditional devotion running /so/ deep down to your marrow and to your very essence #even in the face of the whole world telling you how wrong it is and how insane and unhinged you are for it and condemning you for it #it still wouldn't so much as make you consider the thought they might have a point #and i genuinely EAT that shit up every time i love to see it <3

[age-of-moonknight]

“Soldier,” Vengeance of the Moon Knight (Vol. 2/2024), #3.

Writer: Jed MacKay; Penciler and Inker: Alessandro Cappuccio; Colorist: Rachelle Rosenberg; Letterer: Cory Petit

#Marvel #Marvel comics #Marvel 616 #Vengeance of the Moon Knight #Vengeance of the Moon Knight 2024 #Vengeance of the Moon Knight vol. 3 #latest release #Moon Knight #Soldier #that opening page is breath-taking (and perhaps in a literal sense for that dude getting whaled on) #/almost/ succeeded in distracting me from Soldier’s raging survivor’s guilt #but…oof #what really gets me about this issue (and I guess Soldier’s character in general) is how adamant he is about his willingness to die #and yet he continues to live #he didn’t get blown up in his introductory issue he got turned into a vampire and now he’s seemingly outlived Marc #it seems to be asking the question «yeah sure you’ll die for me but will you keep on living to continue my mission?» #which already gets me in the gut but also seems particularly impactful when it’s coming from Marc #considering how much he consistently felt like a dead man walking haunted by his past and alive only to somehow atone for that past #and I very much look forward to coming back to this issue if it’s ever revealed if this new Moon Knight is really Marc come back wrong #because Soldier spends so much of this issue insisting that the Moon Knight he would die for is dead #and it would make that first page wonderfully/terribly ironic #just the concept of the man you feel you should have died for still living but twisted into something unrecognizably despicable #maybe to the point where the man he was is functionally dead #that would be wild

[halogalopaghost]

#IM SO STRESSED IM SO STRESSED #I feel like I'm not handling ANYTHING well rn #so many people have symptoms that are WAAAAAAY fucking worse and they're like. working full time jobs and being a parent and shit and #I'm like waaah oh no I have body aches and chronic fatigue looks like I'll have to be unemployed and never do anything ever 💀 #how am I gonna live?? like. my parents are taking care of me and I'm so fucking glad but #SOMEDAY THEY WONT BE AROUND and that stresses me out so bad #I'm 25 years old and I NEED my mom every day if not physically then emotionally because I'm a little bitch baby that can't do anything for #herself. im having a hard time feeding myself I'm having a hard time keeping my living space clean #I'm not taking care of anything except the dogs sometimes and my lizard and she's not getting as much attention as she used to #I need a job and I need to be able to suck it up and DO THINGS but I feel like I'm not the person u was anymore #I was strong and I could push thru things and make myself do things and now I can't???? I just lay on the fucking couch!! and feel bad abtit #is it the tism. is it the ADHD. what about the chronic depression. how bout the fibromyalgia? #and the thing is that ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE MILD #I don't have severe pain (yet). #I just can't handle it I don't WANT to handle it #so. shoutout to my mom I guess because if it wasn't for her I simply wouldn't be alive #I feel like I've never been happy!! why can't I just be content and be happy!!!! #I have no fucking reason to be unhappy!!!!!!