#and it’s disordered eating portrayal

[sulevinen]

”The clasps don’t get tighter than this.”

Thorn exhaled slowly and yanked the shoulder clasp one more time before giving up and circling around Fox, who was staring at the ground his eyes almost closed. His brother was barely holding himself up, the armor was probably the only structure supporting his weight.

Not that there was much of it anyway.

Thorn’s heart ached as he looked at his Commander, so thin by the arms and legs, the belt on the last possible clasp and the chestplate hovering inches away from his undersuit, when it should have been skintight.

The bags under Fox’s eyes had grown from the last time Thorn had seen him without his helmet: when he had fleetingly come to the messhall by Thorn’s request, had one spoonful of soup and a piece of bread Stone had managed to get somewhere. Then Fox had ran to the bathroom and spent the last five minutes of his break by vomiting his guts out.

His hair was completely matted on top of his head, falling on his eyes and hiding a small scar above his right eyebrow. There were so many new scars and bruises on his cheeks and temples that Thorn couldn’t believe him anymore when he said that they were from Senatorial missions and breaking off street-fights.

No. He had been melting down more than usual.

”Have you slept recently?”, Thorn asked, to which Fox gave him a slow nod, a small motion that shook his whole body like he was seizuring. Thorn looked at Fox’s trembling legs with concern and decided to sit him down on his couch.

Fox let out a small whine of protest, but sunk on the soft cushions as soon as his knees gave out. He let out a small sigh and stared at the ceiling.

”I don’t look so good, do I.”

Thorn shook his head, and Fox side-eyed him with a tired smirk.

”But I have never looked better.”

To that, Thorn could nod.

#star wars #sw #the clone wars #tcw #swtcw #coruscant guard #commander fox #cc 1010 #commander thorn #commander stone #star wars fanfic #fanfic #commander fox fanfic #sulevofics #tw eating disorder #tw portrayal of eating disorder #early snippets of tbhs

[luckless-bitch]

i've watched to the bone because i have a restrictive eating disorder and an internet connection, and, though i've expressed criticisms toward the movie in this app before, i would be able to ignore most of my problems with it if they hadn't managed to come up with THE most annoying character of all time. you're trying to tell me a straight white twink with boundary issues is opposite to lily collins and i'm supposed to root for them??????? AND HE'S BRITISH TO TOP IT ALL OF??????????????? be fucking for real.

#they was too afraid of making her gay because god forbid #we get a portrayal of a person with an ed that isn't a yt cishet girl #and they couldn't give us a masculine dude because eds are for girls and gays obviously #except he ain't gay #which idk if I find funny or disturbing #the only person of color in that entire movie is a girlie with binge eating disorder #and though we need more bed rep desperately #maybe oh idk #portray how prevalent eds are for black girlies growing up in yt communities #or with latinas that were sexually abused #or how gigantic eds are within East Asian groups #ANYTHING #stuff that's actually realistic and true to real life #not only about suburban upper middle class Americans come on #to the bone #4n4mi4 #4n4r3x14 #4n0r3×14 #4na thoughts #4n4m1a

[straightfromthetorturedpoetsdept]

i kinda regret being so honest about my eating disorder on here. yall are so insecure with yourselves it makes any sort of productive discussion about the harm of fatphobia on everyone (not just fat people) kinda impossible.

#idk how to explain to tumblr anons that if you see someone praising a celebrity for their honest portrayal of their ED #and thanking them for helping them to accept that its okay to being their normal size and get frothing mad over that #its a you problem babes #personal #eating disorders

[yououghtaknow]

the thing about skam is when it’s good it’s life-altering and when it’s bad it’s also life-altering. for the worse.

#this post is SPECIFICALLY about skam's portrayal of eating disorders vs their portrayal of chris and fatness in general

[pathetic-crybaby]

Impurities

I hate how I look. Everything about the way I look disgusts me.

I love kneeling in front of the toilet, worshipping what it can give me-- a place to dispose of all of the impurities of my body, all of the worst aspect of my soul, a solace to the horrible conditions my body has undergone.

I love how pretty I feel crying and breathing heavily against the bowl of the toilet. I love how pure I feel once I am only throwing up the water I had just drank, completely empty of that disgusting.

I refuse to give my body what it wants because I can't get what I want. If I can't have it, then why should my body? 

Disgusting and useless and vulnerable to the flesh as the lord once said. The many days of no food with the temptation of the devil lingering constantly over my shoulder, keeping food on a leash knowing I will risk my salvation for a taste, a bite, a swallow of something so unnecessary to me. 

I don't need it. Neither do you. I like the control when I restrict myself. I hate when the scale doesn’t drop instantly.

#bulimima #bingepurge #body negativity #vomit mention #almost religious portrayal of ed #disordered eating thoughts #eating disoder trigger warning

[crystalcunningham]

crystal   '   chrissy   '   cunningham   is   eighteen   ,   born   by   surrogate   to   laura   and   philip   cunningham   after   years   of   failure   having   a   child   on   their   own   .   her   childhood   was   pretty   normal   ,   a   treehouse   outside   her   dad   built   and   family   trips   ;   they   doted   on   their   miracle   ,   never   taking   for   granted   the   little   girl   they'd   longed   for   .   .   .   at   least   ,   not   until   six   years   later   ,   when   laura   discovered   she   was   pregnant   with   a   little   boy   to   be   named   carter   .   

with   the   arrival   of   her   brother   ,   her   mother's   favoritsm   became   obvious   ,   treating   carter   like   the   golden   child   that   chrissy   had   been   at   one   point   ;   all   because   he   was   actually   theirs   .   laura   began   distancing   herself   from   her   daughter   ,   and   the   further   she   tried   to   get   ,   the   more   chrissy   pushed   for   that   relationship   they   once   had   .   a   relationship   that   hadn't   actually   lasted   eighteen   years   at   all   ,   but   in   actuality   ,   only   one   .   

she   joined   cheer   to   make   her   mom   proud   ,   since   laura   had   been   a   cheerleader   in   her   days   ,   but   all   it   led   to   was   pushing   chrissy   to   be   head   cheerleader   like   she   had   been   .   .   .   no   matter   what   it   cost   .   in   chrissy's   case   ,   it   happened   to   be   an   eating   disorder   ,   and   dating   jason   carver   (   captain   of   the   basketball   team   )   .   whenever   it   seemed   chrissy was   faltering   ,   her   mom   took   it   upon   herself   to   change   this   ,   not   only   through   verbal   abuse   but   also   physical   .   

desperate   for   her   mom's   approval   and   love   again   ,   she   did   whatever   was   told   of   her   ,   never   speaking   any   of   it   aloud   to   her   brother   or   her   father   .   after   all   ,   a   mother   is   god   in   the   eyes   of   a   child   .

the   life   of   chrissy   cunningham   was   curated   by   a   higher   power   ,   unbeknownst   to   everyone   .   she   arrived   to   her   '   parents   '   an   eighteen   -   year   -   old   one   day   ,   childhood   vivid   ;   except   none   of   it   ever   happened   .   similar   to   dawn   summers   in   bu.ffy   ,   where   she   suddenly   appeared   one   day   and   nobody   recalled   otherwise   ,   believing   her   to   be   around   all   along   .   to   accompany   chrissy   with   these   memories   of   a   phony   life   ,   she's   been   plagued   with   ugly   '   visions   ' and nightmares of   past   assignments   she   had   once   as   an   angel   ;   people   in   turmoil   she   assisted   and   guided   , along with her own troubles in the mix .   her   mind   has   kept   the   horrors   from   her   for   the   most   part   ,   burying   them   so   as   not   to   break   the   sweet   girl   ,   but   they've   started   to   become   more   frequent   .   

#quick little about for my portrayal #& info . #eating disorder // #abuse // #& headcanon .

[brain-rot-central]

ok so has anyone made a list of things that Astarion said that had a different meaning than first thought?

For example, if you tell Astarion when you first meet that you’re Baldurian as well, he says they must not be in the same social circle. With the way he talks and dresses it seems like he’s implying you’re lower class, but later it becomes clear you’re not those petty criminals or brothel goers that he targets. (And there’s the separate “of course it’ll turn me into a monster” line that becomes obvious later.)

He reveals he fears breaking his nail to the dryad, and it seems shallow but we learn he’s traumatized by digging himself out of his coffin, and the year he endured being trapped inside a coffin and desperately scratching and breaking his nails off as punishment, which is also why he refuses to dig anyone out like Nere.

Also, he mentioned he targeted brothel visitors, and at first it sounds like he just waited outside those establishments for victims, but then if you visit the drow twins he mentions he never thought he’d be on the paying end, plus if you choose one of the twins then Astarion says you have a type for elven prostitutes. And if you really think about it, considering how Petras’ lines are similar to Astarion’s, it wouldn’t be weird to imagine Cazador forcing them to work at a brothel for a few years as training…

Some of Astarion’s lines have a lot to unpack

Many things Astarion says are doublespeak. It's a common coping mechanism used by trauma survivors to "make peace," in a way with what they went through. It's not until you've played through his whole story that you understand that, and honestly it breaks my heart. He has a lot of self-depreciating language. Little quips here and there where you realize he's not only commenting on the current situation but himself, as well.

The monster line in the beginning gets me the most, because he follows it up with, "What did I expect?" For the first time in 200 years, he's able to stand in the sun without burning. He's grappling with that entire realization while also readjusting to there being light and color in the world, and probably was looking at the whole Nautiloid experience as something slightly positive... only to learn that no, this is not something positive. In fact, it's horrendous, because if it's not rectified, he'll become a grotesque monster, worse than he already is. And idk, that guts me. He has this small glimmer of hope for the first time in two centuries, all to realize that it's a giant farce.

But, Astarion is also stubborn, so he holds onto this small glimmer of hope to see if there's a way he can work the tadpole to his advantage. So that he can continue to walk in the sun. Once he realizes that Cazador's compulsion has been interrupted due to the tadpole, he doubles down on wanting to keep the tadpole and control it.

Astarion's story is such a beautiful portrayal of what being in survival mode feels and is like. You're so entirely desperate to make it out of your current situation that you would quite literally give anything and everything to obtain it, even if it means burning the entire world down around you.

The elven prostitute line made me laugh when I first heard it; I knew he was referring to himself and trying to make some light humor about his past, but it's also heartbreaking to realize he sees himself as one. He hasn't yet taken the grace with himself to distinguish between being forced into that line of work vs who he actually is. The lines are still blurred.

I can't think about the intricacies of his background/personality too long, because it all feels way too familiar to me. To know even a smidge of the despair he probably felt for years and the constant mental and physical struggle he endured (there's even disordered eating/food insecurity in his back story too and no one really talks much about it; Cazador purposely kept all the spawn near-starving as a form of control).

Our boy was severely abused and neglected and I really just want to give him a fucking hug.

#astarion #trauma tw #i mean i totally get why he burns down the palace post game #i probably would too #like how could you not want to do that #neech's speeches #answered

[gay-spock]

here’s a compilation of why rick berman of star trek fame could have ruined the franchise with his bigotry, thanks to @/thisismewhatevs on twitter:

- rick berman is usually cited by writers as the main reason gay characters were not allowed on screen in TNG/VOY/DS9/ENT even though gene roddenberry specifically wanted gay representation in the 1980s

- notably, he is responsible for demanding female actors be "sexed up" in various ways including jeri ryan's catsuit and padding terry farell's breasts

- when terry farell asked for a reduced contract similar to those of her male costars, she was fired, leading to the sudden death of jadzia dax

- with seven of nine's catsuit, not only was it berman's idea to make her "born sexy yesterday" her original costume pinched her neck so much she kept passing out. rather than change it, berman brought in nurses to administer oxygen between takes

- berman would continually comment on the appearance of female actors to the point that marina sirtis developed an eating disorder. sirtis also mentions how tight her corset and how large her breast padding was under her "uniform"

- berman was left in charge of trek because he was in the right place when roddenberry got sick. He had no experience with scifi previously and didn't really believe in roddenberry's vision of the future:

- In addition to being a dick to denise crosby after pushing her out, he's also the reason for wil wheaton was kicked out for similar contact negotiation as terry farrell

- harry kim was never promoted from ensign since berman hated his actor, garrett wang, according to him

- enterprise was a step backwards in a lot of ways because berman had far more creative control (seasons 1-3) and took a much more hands on writing role. here's t'pol actor jolene blalock discussing his sexualization of her

- as DS9 went on, garak and bashir spent less time together and garak was given zyial as an incredibly gross love interest because andy robinson's portrayal as queer coded made berman uncomfortable

- despite the "equality" promoted on the show, berman hired very few female writers, with less than 30% of episodes having even one female writer during his time

- “Rick Berman is not the only asshole to have worked on Star Trek and he is not the reason for every bad choice from TNG-ENT. However HE WAS the executive producers and show runner in charge of production so much of the sins of that time lie at his feet. When people get confused about how some people seem to "misunderstand" the point of Star Trek and don't know how they can watch/enjoy the "progressive" nature of the show and be such vile sexists and racists, this is how. They let a sexist asshole run the show for three decades. On screen representation is important. It's amazing for people to see themselves in such a hopeful future, but the behind the scenes matters just as much if not more than who is in front of the camera. Representation without responsible storytelling is a tragedy.“ -Deep Space Fine on twitter

this is not to say that TNG/DS9/VOY/ENT are bad shows, or that they shouldn’t be watched, or anything else; but that understanding why these awful choices were made behind the scenes in depicting a “progressive” future. rick berman didn’t agree with this future because he didn’t want others who weren’t white, cis, straight men like him to benefit in the ways he did.

#i wanted this info to be easier to find all-together on tumblr #star trek #rick berman #the next generation #deep space 9 #voyager #enterprise #star trek meta

[mitziholder]

Can you talk more about my lesbian experience with loneliness pretty please

ok. It’s dog shit written as the salve of a deranged narcissist’s ego.

I am sick of things being lauded as revolutionary and important just because they’re Real - Real and Honest. honest does not mean good. memoirs are works like any other. they have their biases and a point to make and goals to achieve. I can read into their content and criticize their handling of it and the goals and motivations of the “characters” therein. and, believe it or not, I am not in the business of clapping for wannabe rapists just because they were so far gone they thought that hiring a prostitute was an essential expression of their adult autonomy and independence (and Female Power and Sexuality blah blah blah blah blah)

boo-hoo. poor me. I had anxiety and depression and an eating disorder and I self-harmed and and and I was the most pathetic sad little worm on the planet. I was so sad and so lonely. and now I have put it out there into the world - seeking absolution from an army of people who think that what I did was fine because I put it all on display - and you can’t criticize it because it is so real. if you criticize it, you’re afraid of dark and uncomfortable subject matter. if you criticize it, you just didn’t get it. (on that note, I would say that I got it better than the author. the portrayal of that prostitute really says it all. lol. lmao.)

really, why should I give a shit about the pity party therapy session of a woman who used her own pain as a justification for exploiting another human being, who contributed to the sex industry, whose only fear was of disappointing her parents and only shame was the fact that she was too inhibited to really enjoy the experience? why should I support and uphold the work of a person who did that and then profited off of it? why should I appreciate the cultural contributions of someone whose perspective on Lesbianism is a purely self-indulgent affirmation of what people already imagine to be true: that we’re mentally unstable, dysfunctional sex perverts?

I wouldn’t clap for Jimmy Swaggart, either.

I am not going to say that I hope she dies but I’m ending the sentence there.

#ask

[simplepotatofarmer]

Fandom: Dream SMP Rating: Teen & Up Warnings: Graphic Descriptions of Violence Characters: Technoblade, Dream, Philza, Quackity, Awesamdude, Niki, Ranboo, Michael the Piglin Status: in-progress Additional Tags: hurt/comfort, fluff, aftermath of torture, graphic descriptions of torture, dissociation, panic attacks, portrayal of cptsd, not canon compliant, disordered eating, angst with a happy ending, amputation, platonic affection, animal abuse, rivals duo centric

Summary: techno has always been a soft touch when it comes to stray animals. he has an entire menagerie to back that claim up and so when he finds a rabbit in the woods on the brink of death, he brings it home and tends to it.

but there's something about the rabbit that's familiar and now techno has to figure out what exactly his act of kindness has gotten him into.

link to fic

#dream smp #dsmp fanfic #technoblade #dreamwastaken #rivals duo #rivalsblr #philza #first three chapters are up #there'll be more soon

[kindnessoverperfection]

Feel free to ignore this, but I'm a disabled writer who tends to focus on representation in my works, and I came across your posts about having npd while doing research for a side character in a story of mine. I really appreciate you taking the time to write out a description of npd that shows the roots of the issues and the way they affect the people who have it rather than how outsiders perceive it. I just wanted to ask if there were any traits of npd that you personally would like to see in npd representation/ if you have any thoughts on how you'd like to see characters with npd represented in media? I know at current there's basically no positive npd rep, which sucks for sure, but in a hypothetical situation where there was a character with npd who wasn't villianized for it, what sort of aspects of npd would be comforting for you to see reflected in a story?

Once again, feel free to ignore this ask if I'm overstepping at all, and I hope you have a wonderful day <3

Hi!! ♡ Apologies for the late reply, I wasn't on tumblr for a few days, then my alter was out for the next couple days and I wanted to be the one to respond-

I really appreciate that you're taking the time to research and create thoughtful representation, and I'm glad my posts could offer some help with that!

My first two thoughts are:

Characters whose symptoms present differently than the common portrayal of NPD

It's super common for people to not recognize NPD because they have this very limited view of what it is and how it can present - so it would be nice to see representation that shows variety in the way it can manifest.

For example, it's actually very common for someone with the disorder to primarily "lash in" rather than "lash out", but I never see that represented (intentionally, at least).

There's also a very limited perception of narcissistic characters being blatantly arrogant, grandiose, braggy, selfish, power-hungry, etc. But really, there's an unlimited number of ways someone can present outwardly, because the only thing that's crucial to the diagnosis is the internal experience - how if affects the person who has it. How they appear outwardly to others can vary wildly.

(I'll admit, some of these "stereotypical NPD" characters feel very relatable due to shared symptoms and vibes and power fantasies. To the extent that I have one of them as my pfp on some accounts lol. But if you met me IRL, my vibes are just "confident and bubbly, polite, quiet and distant, fashion-oriented, straight A student, cutesy, braggy, adventurous", and I always make the effort to be kind to people even though I can be somewhat distant and goal-oriented.)

It's also common to think of someone "flying into a rage" when they feel criticized - but anger (whether external or internal) isn't an inherent part of it. The issue is that someone perceives criticism as a threat, so their fight/flight/freeze/fawn response kicks in, and there's a large multitude of ways that can show up.

(Personally, I go into either fight or fawn mode. But the vast majority of the anger I've felt has been entirely self-directed, manifesting in the form of self-criticism, self-hatred, self-destruction, overworking, eating disorders, etc. I will occasionally feel outwards anger, but when I do, I give myself time and space to process it by myself so that I don't upset anyone. And even for those who feel external anger much more often than I do, it doesn't mean they'll express it in an aggressive or harmful way.)

tldr; I'd love to see a variety of outwards presentations, with the NPD being shown via their internal experience, rather than only displayed through stereotypical external behaviors.

2. Humanization for characters with NPD who make mistakes

People with NPD are human just like everyone else, which means that mistakes happen. Everyone accidentally fucks up, hurts someone, lacks self-awareness in certain areas, etc.

The level and type of interpersonal struggles, and the reasons behind these struggles, are all across the board. That's understood with any other disorder (or any sort of identity), but there's so much extra baggage and stigma applied when NPD is involved for some reason.

So for characters with NPD with higher interpersonal conflict, I'd want them to be humanized in the same way that anyone else with any other identity would be humanized. And I'd also want it shown that characters who don't have NPD can have high interpersonal conflict as well, that it's not limited to this disorder.

"what sort of aspects of npd would be comforting for you to see reflected in a story?"

In terms of specific aspects-

Personally, I'd love to see a character who like... tries to be perfect. Is externally very put-together in some way - maybe they're very kind and soft-spoken and sweet, or they're silly and happy and energetic, or they're quiet and serious and protective, or calm and mysterious and self-assured, doesn't matter. But everything seems okay on the surface.

But internally, they put so much pressure on themself. They hold themself to impossible standards, and feel like they HAVE to be seen a certain way and never show weakness. They have to handle everything perfectly. Just... so many symptoms and struggles that are hurting them internally, and overtime it ends up bubbling out in small ways, or like. Tbh I'd love it if someone would just... notice.

Notice the perfect bubbly happy straight-A student who's always kind and never shares their own opinions. Notice the quiet, highly-skilled protector of the group who somehow always knows the right thing to say and the right way to act.

And give them permission to be imperfect. To be human. Show them that they aren't their reputation or their skills or how impressive they are, they're so much more than that.

They can see the pain they're in, and instead of treating them as this untouchable perfect being, they treat them in a human way.

The super bubbly character seems completely unaffected by recent tragedy? Okay. Their friend doesn't ignore that. They don't push and prod, but they don't ignore it. They sit with them, spend time with them, hold them, they know it affected them.

I'm imagining a scene where the character w/NPD fucks up somehow, and they seem fine, but someone close to them suddenly Realizes and they just. Go to find them. And they're just having a massive breakdown, but the moment they see their friend, they quickly try and shove everything under the surface and act cool and unaffected and "normal", but their friend goes over and just holds them and. Ungh. 10/10

Couple months ago I did actually see an episode of a show like that, and both times I watched it, I bawled my fuckin eyes out lol.

Different people may have different answers in terms of what they'd feel most comforted by, but for me personally, I'd love this so much, because this is how I present and I desperately want to be Seen and Loved and have someone see my self-worth as being inherent and not tied into how "perfect" I am.

Closing thoughts:

Personally, there's not much that I'd feel offended by. To be honest, in addition to characters who fit the above points (various presentations, average-level interpersonal conflict, etc.), I also write characters who have that "stereotypical" presentation. I don't think there's anything wrong with it as long as it's not done maliciously, especially if there's other types of characters shown. (Similar to having both gay villains and gay protagonists or side characters, y'know)

The only thing I'd dislike / that would hurt my feelings is like... seeing a character be heavily demonized for their traits*, or the only characters with NPD being horribly abusive, or the usage of stigmatizing language (aka, if the character is spoken about the way buzzfeed articles speak about us).

*aka, demonized for the symptoms. Totally fine if someone does something shitty and it's pointed out as being shitty / if people dislike them for that lol.

Hopefully this isn't getting too long, but to give an example of what I mean, something I saw that did hurt my feelings was like-

There was an episode of a show where a character got super braggy and confident, and was relishing in the praise and admiration she was getting. Hinging her self-worth on that recognition and success. And her friends got annoyed and pissed off, simply because she was braggy. There were a couple of things here and there she did that were kind of insensitive, but that was never really pointed out or seen as the main issue, it was only her bragging that was being demonized for some reason.

And then her friends all ganged up behind her back and did something to intentionally trigger a crash and make her feel insecure and terrible about herself, all to "knock her down a peg". And the narrative framed that as being justified, framed her friends as being correct in this situation. They never once showed concern for her mental health or the fact that she was hinging her self-worth on other people's opinions of her, they tore her down for her bragging instead of either a) supporting and uplifting her, or b) showing concern for unhealthy mindsets, and they never even tried to approach her or communicate with her about the things she was doing that actually were insensitive.

Hopefully that wasn't too much of a tangent lol, but that's the type of thing I mean by "being demonized for their traits". Hate when all a character is doing is bragging and feeling good about themself and the narrative frames them in an extremely negative light for it :(

Okay I will wrap up the post here as it's already pretty long, but hopefully this helped a bit!! Thank you for the question, and good luck with your writing! ^^

#actuallynpd #writing #npd representation

[elevator-to-mars]

how i view the choir/my rtc headcanons (it's pretty clear who's my favourite tbh)

ocean

I mainly see her as tiffany tatreau's portrayal

she/her, cis, aroace

doesn't really get the concept of being trans, was only introduced to it when ricky joined the choir

ocd, asthma

2nd shortest in choir, 5'4

has never had a haircut

the only time she got into trouble at school was when she and noel were arguing. she cried until she threw up after that. it was the first day of senior year.

says she's a polyglot but she's nowhere near fluent in the languages she claims to speak

hates theatre :(

texts with proper grammer

listens solely to up with people

noel

i mainly see him as james ragen's portrayal (trinity theatre actor)

he/they/she, nonbinary, gay

jean valjean from les mis was his gay awakening

speaks french

autism, bipolar disorder

unironically says slay, pop off, queen, etc.

instead of saying "who in gods name" he says "who in jean genet's name"

can't cook or spell for the life of him

has ocean saved in his phone as "the lion, the witch, the audacity of this bitch"

types only in lowercase with no punctuation

does ricky’s french homework

5'8

listens to french music and mitski (once ocean walked in on him belting a taylor swift song. that was never spoken about again)

has a crush on mischa. cried when mischa and ricky got together.

he has a boyfriend...! he just... goes to a different school... in a different timezone... in a different country...!

permanent teen angst phase

mischa

i see him as a mix of adam stanley and chaz duffy's portrayals

he/him (doesn't mind they though), trans, bi, poly

dating ricky and talia

has invited noel to the polycule before but they prefer to live in tradgedy

adhd, ptsd

once he forgot how to breathe

learnt spanish for ricky and his family

hates duolingo

polyglot

fluent in multiple types of sign too

when ricky came out as trans (while they were in a relationship with eachother) he posted a video to his youtube talking about trans rights and changed every video with ricky's deadname in it <333

once his "friends" (the people that mischa hangs around with to keep his persona strong but in reality despises them) made fun of ricky, safe to say ricky isn't a very safe candidate to mock for them now

usually types all in uppercase but does relax it sometimes

the human embodiment of a golden retriever around people he likes

listens to maklemore and eminem but is willing to listen to music that talia & ricky like

him, talia and ricky all have promise rings

loves sharks

when talia comes to canada, she agreed to go to a planetarium with ricky and teach him some ukrainian

once he forgot a word in ukrainian and look horrified

6'9

ricky

i see him as yannick-robin eike mirko's portrayal... like only their portrayal... godamn you, autism (although i do have multiple versions of him in my mind)

he/they/it/xe/nameself prns, trans, boyflux, pansexual, poly

dating mischa and talia

autism, adhd, degenerative disease, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, asthma, maladaptive daydreaming

always looses his inhaler

speaks spanish, german and korean as well as three types of sign (and english ofc)

puerto rican

moved to canada at 14

he’s 16 (technically canon)

his parents are really religious

when he learnt what sex was, zolar became his horny place as well as his escape

emoticon user

once ate a bauble because xey were bored

does noel’s spanish homework

used to unironically watch the emoji movie and liked it...

does write music, prefers to keep it a secret because ocean WILL use his music for choir songs

listens to glam rock in general with a few musicals mixed in there

randomly has allergic reactions

paints his nails

knows everyones secrets :)

writes fanfiction

HATES THE TAMBOURINE.

tries to hum along to the music at rehersal

has his text size at the biggest possible one

has glasses, whenever he adjusts them ocean thinks he's trying to correct her

won't eat the school lunches

constantly sleep deprived

does not know how to kiss

5’1

okay i don't want this to entirely be ricky... so lets move on

jane | penny

i see her mainly as em flosi's portrayal

they/it/she, agender, aroace

autism, drdp

carried her doll everywhere

speaks latin

joined choir because her social worker made it

doesn’t really listen to music, but when she does they listens to old music

has their parents old jewlery

spends most of their time in the library

6’2

constance

i mainly see her as princess victomé and tiffany polite's portrayal

she/they, demigirl, pansexual, asexual

depression, social anxiety

had a crush on ricky for a while

haitian

loves to bake

brings brownies, cookies, cakes etc to choir rehersals

brings extra food for kids that don’t have any

usually runs the café on weekends

her brother is called xavier

okay that’s it. this took me >2 hours to write so erm…

#ride the cyclone #headcanon #rtc #save ricky potts #ocean o'connell rosenberg #noel gruber #mischa bachinski #ricky potts #jane doe rtc #penny lamb #constance blackwood #they’re gay your honour

[dmbakura]

Tell me more about your neurodivergent Vergil headcanons? 👀 If you want to, I mean.

these are just my own views ofc but to me he feels very autistic, almost to a comical extent (i dont believe it was intentional on capcom's part at all but idk) and the portrayal of his trauma/ptsd is one of my absolute favourites in media. i think he's just so sensitively handled and with so much nuance, which is shocking for a high action series like this.

just, the fuckin... the fuckin concentration gauge. weaponized sensory disorder. he literally cant function and gets debuffed if he isn't exerting complete control over his actions/starts taking in unwanted stimuli. his playstyle rewards precision, repetition and patience. he just like me fr

his general social mannerisms and the way he carries the yamato, dare i say stimming with the yamato, feel very much to me like someone who NEEDS order- which is a good contrast to dante (who i see adhd hcs for which is also pog) and definitely part of why vergil gets so fucking pissed at him.

onto the V side of things, there's that special interest in poetry, again weaponizing a sensory comfort/hobby as a game mechanic which is just. SO fucking cool to me. he powers up by reading poetry. i also love his complete inconsistency with tactile sensations. in the VoV manga, V constantly gets covered head to toe in demon gunk without it bothering him, but when he goes to eat a burger he has no idea how to without getting sauce on his fingers, which he cannot STAND. griffon even calls him out on this and V says he doesn't know why but he just hates that feeling in particular. again, just like me fr

about his trauma... man just the entirety of dmc5 + VoV being about vergil's literal deconstruction and journey back to himself, reclaiming the entirety of his identity, even the parts he found undesirable, is just so powerful to me. it's more lowkey in dmc5 itself, but in VoV there are very clear moments of V experiencing flashbacks/panic attacks/etc and the manga takes a more direct approach with his mental state. it's handled really well and never feels like it infantilizes or demonizes him in any way

eugh this got long enough im cutting it off here lol

#dmc5 #vergil #vergil meta #i guess lol

[caspers-delusions]

Psych Whump Masterlist

💉💉💉

This is going to be my go-to list every time I find something with medical or psych whump in it that I want to remember. I'll reblog it frequently and try to keep it updated but it's going to start small because good psych whump is so hard to find. (This in no way endorses medical abuse, I'm a mentally ill individual but I love consuming psych whump in media. Just about everything in these movies, books, etc are at the very least morally gray so consume at your own risk. Also, I only enjoy these things in fiction. Irl it makes me sick to my stomach, I know bc I've experienced some of this.) I'll try to add trigger warnings for each one but I might miss some so I apologize in advance. If you have any recommendations please message me! I'm scouring the internet for good psych whump but medical/sickfic whump is also wanted.

Movies:

A Cure For Wellness: Guy gets tricked into becoming a patient at a "resort" that's really a mental hospital in disguise that uses its patients for nefarious means. CW: incest, medical abuse, teeth falling out, sexual assault, some weird eel shit ^^There's probably more but I haven't watched the film in a while.

TV Shows:

Moon Knight: Whole season of psych whump, the main character has DID and loads of past trauma. Has a huge ancient Egypt theme and the MC gets (kind of) forced to accept psychiatric care. CW: lots of ableism, mental break, psychotic episodes, forced institutionalisation, child abuse, restraints

Gute Zeiten, schlechte Zeiten: German soap that's been running since 1992. The specific episodes that have good psych whump are from 26.5.2017 to 01.06.2017. Extremely hard to find online, only some clips/gifs exist as of now that are easily viewable.

Perception: Schizophrenic professor who teaches at a university spirals and gets put in a mental hospital. He has a caretaker friend who helps him and the professor also sees hallucinations of an ex-girlfriend who helps him solves mysteries. CW: extremely inaccurate portrayal of schizophrenia, delusions, paranoia, and really any mental illness for that matter; lots of ableism, I think I remember one character calling the professor a freak, people treat him really badly

Books:

House of Leaves: This book is a fever trip but the MC (kind of?? The book has multiple authors, it's honestly very confusing but it's great) suffers from declining mental health and spirals hard. CW: child abuse, lots of sexual content, mentions of a caretaker beating a child, mentions/delusions of sexual assault, death of a dog (it was brutal, huge warning), mentions/descriptions of suicide and attempted murder

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest: This is chock-full of psych and medical whump, it all takes place in a psychiatric hospital (I've actually been to the one in the film! -Not as a patient) CW: huge amounts of abuse from staff, doctors, nurses, there's also a scene where SA is implied on a patient, the MC is there after being convicted of SA'ing a minor and he's pretty unremorseful (the MC is a dick though anyways), racism, ableism

OG Works (not mine):

Redwood Psychiatric Insitute: Forced institutionalization, great read and it has just about every trope I look for in fics all packed into one series. Please give it a read, it's fantastic. Source - https://www.tumblr.com/only-shadows-dwell-where-we-are/706656298337435648/redwood-psychiatric-institute-masterlist?source=share by @only-shadows-dwell-where-we-are

Fanfiction:

Into Your Arms: This is a Star Trek fanfic that follows a girl who has a severe eating disorder and mental illness. It's not the normal kind of sickfic or psych whump I go for but the aftercare in this is topnotch. Source - https://archiveofourown.org/works/15185897 by moose-misses-sweets on ao3 CW: suicide attempt, severe eating disorder, abusive partner, cutting/self harm

Summarized List

Movies: 1. A Cure For Wellness TV Shows: 1. Moon Knight 2. Gute Zeiten, schlechte Zeiten 3. Perception Books: 1. House of Leaves 2. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest OG Works (not mine): 1. Redwood Psychiatric Institute Fanfics: 1. Into Your Arms

Note: If something you made is on this list and you want me to remove it, please message me and I will. I don't check messages very often but it doesn't mean I'm ignoring you, I just forget I have a tumblr sometimes.) *Extra note: this was originally posted on my side blog @ennead-of-whump but I'm slowly integrating that blog into this one. I'm now only going to be using my main blog @caspers-delusions which means I'm only going to update this masterlist post from now on.

#whump #psych whump #medical whump #psychiatric whump #recs #mental illness #masterlist #list #recommendations #moon knight #perception #into your arms #redwood psychiatric hospital #one flew over the cuckoos nest #house of leaves #a cure for wellness #new blog same person #gute zeiten schlechte zeiten

[bonefall]

howdy!! i was wonderin’ if you could list all the cats that are neurodivergent or have a mental disorder, and specifically what conditions? i was also hopin’ if you could expand upon how they present as well, but you don’t have to do all of them! you can pick and choose. or none at all if you’re tired! idm ‘:3

warriors and psychiatry are two of my SIs so i just wanna gobble up all of this information LOL

Sure! Though, I want to preface by saying that I try to make sure I'm very well acquainted with the neurodivergence I plan to add before adding it. I've always had a, "try not to overextend" sort of philosophy, trying to make sure each portrayal is going to be treated well in the narrative before promising it publicly

SO what that means is that this list is incomplete and I plan to add more, as I learn more about how to accurately portray something. Especially important with the more stigmatized disorders on this list-- for example I plan to add NPD once I have a better idea for how to feature it.

C-PTSD

Life in the Clans is VIOLENT. Most, or many, characters are going to end up with symptoms of PTSD, especially the cats who lived through the Plague, TigerClan, the entire Mothermouth Moorland War, and the destruction of the White Hart Woods in particular.

But C-PTSD is something I'm choosing more carefully, if that makes sense, so that it's something I write with 'higher priority' when approaching that particular character.

Birchfall (Human activity and child starvation are his triggers, also visibly unsettled by falling trees)

Brightheart (Dogs and dishonor titles, has recurring nightmares, self-harms through overexertion; refuses to take breaks to punish herself)

Stormfur (Severe trust issues, self-destructs relationships)

Lilyheart (Can't deal with water because she watched a sibling die instead of her)

Harrybrook ("big mood lilyheart")

There will also be some cats in WindClan who aren't able to eat rabbit, because it triggers memories of poison and causes them to wretch. This causes serious issues for them, because rabbit is the majority of the WindClan diet, especially in winter.

Epilepsy

Sorreltail (Absence seizures caused by brain damage from nightshade poisoning)

Shadowsight (Severe clonic-tonic seizures, Tawnypelt brings him to the Tribe to seek a very special treatment for him)

I reaaaaally need to add more here tbh

Autism

Mumblefoot (I know he's not a major character lmao but he was Pinestar's first deputy, and had dyspraxia.)

Yellowfang (It's super prevalent in her entire familial line)

Rowanberry

Stumptail

Brokenstar

Littlecloud

Rowanstar

Leafpool

Honestly I'm so autistic I kinda end up putting a little bit of autism in everyone. I feel like I can detect autism in every one of my little favorites. Spottedleaf, Speckletail, Dustpelt, etc

Borderline Personality Disorder

Cinderheart

Breezepelt

Squirrelflight

Etc/There's one cat who has it and I need to add more

Bumble, Blossom, and Briar have a lot of baggage from their parents' treatment, Bumble and Bloss are glass children.

Alderheart has anxiety

Carpwhisker might also have anxiety, she's really bad at standing up for herself

Poppyfrost is severely avoidant

Sparkpelt and Palebird both had postpartum depression

Dovewing has burnout and gets stressed out when her biofamily is around; not sure how to describe this.

Squirrelflight also has ADHD, this is kind of like Autism because I also have ADHD and it's difficult for me to imagine other 'ways' people think. like what do you MEAN, you have ONE train of thought??

#Neurodivergence #neurodiversity #better bones au

[reasonablysurmised]

on "desexualization" in Heartstopper

Okay, I am posting this mostly just to get these frustrations out of my head--acknowledging that venting on the internet is a perilous venture.

I've seen some (not much! to be fair!) chatter about Heartstopper being "sanitized" or "desexualized" for mainstream, presumed-straight audiences--essentially presenting it as fundamentally assimilationist, instead of just not everyone's cup of tea. If you are in the "enh, high school coming-of-age and/or cute/tame/wholesome stories are just not my cup of tea" crowd, rest assured that this frustration is not directed at you!

But for anyone who genuinely believes that telling a story like Heartstopper IS an expression of assimilationism, of sanitizing and desexualizing the One True Existence of queer people: I am breathing through my urge to scream. I am quietly sitting you down at a table with an offering of tea or coffee or whatever you like in the Fun Mugs. I am asking you, as nicely as I can, to understand: queer people who not only like these stories but who ARE these stories exist. They are queer, even if their queerness doesn't look a lot like yours. They are not LESS queer than you, and their existences are not a lesser version of queerness than yours for not including sex at 16. They would not be less queer than you if they did not include sex at later ages, or ever (also: an eating disorder and a habit of getting drunk to cope with your verbally abusive mother is not "sanitized" portrayal of teenage lives just for lacking teenage sex, but I digress).

Their existence is not "sanitized," it is not "desexualized;" it's just their existence, no less or more interesting, no less or more queer, than yours.

If you WERE a queer person, of any kind, having sex at 16: you did nothing wrong, and of course you're queer too. I really do want to make sure that my stance on that clear, though hopefully you already know and don't need that validation from me or anyone else. Exploring and depicting sexuality--not as in orientation but as in sex--is important to a lot of queer people, and for some it is doubly important in a world that says that queer sex (among many other aspects of queerness) is wrong. I absolutely understand that. And it makes sense to want stories that represent what you experienced (in my opinion, depictions of queer teenage sexuality DO exist out there, but their resonance may vary by person--it is fair if you still feel like they're not telling your story or not telling it well).

But it is NOT reasonable to insist that the ONLY depictions of queerness allowed are those that represent what you went through, or a life that most reminds you of yours now. The existence of a comic or TV series that shows something that doesn't remind you of you is not a judgement of you, and it is not an insistence that YOU are not queer: it's just a different story. If you're looking, and not only looking for one thing, it might in fact be pieces of your story as well; that's up to you. But we're on the same damn team; we're in this together. I am asking you to remember that queer people very much like Nick, Charlie, Elle, Tao, Darcy, Tara, Isaac, are at this table WITH you, even though they're listening to you denounce their existences as not queer enough because they didn't include the right ingredients.

I am also, a little bit, asking you to acknowledge that Alice Oseman has stated publicly that she is aro-ace, that she IS queer, and that she nonetheless prioritized telling gay, lesbian, bi, and trans queer stories via the Heartstopper comics several years before she wrote a story (Loveless) actually centering an aro-ace character.

I am also, a little bit, asking you to acknowledge that as an Elder Aro-Ace I have been able to access at least some media and literature--good, bad, problematic, sensationalized, groundbreaking, disappointing, too-tragic, too-cutesy, featuring sex, not featuring sex--about gay, sometimes lesbian, sometimes bisexual lives for the last two decades, since I was the age of the characters in Heartstopper, as long as I did a bit of looking. I have not been able to access media about people like me--at all--until the past couple of years.

That's not your fault. But your seeming assumption that sex and sexuality are an inviolable ingredient of queerness and that anything less is kowtowing to the straight masses has definitely not eased that absence (I cannot emphasize enough that those straight masses did not have much room for me either).

I am just...asking you to remember that the best part of queerness is that it SEARCHES for things that are different (yes, even different types of different!) on purpose, and tells them they're worthwhile, despite. It's a big table, with lots of Fun Mugs, we've got room.

#rant over! it is really not as dramatic as all that but there were queer discourse BEES. in my BONNET. and it had to be done. sorry. #heartstopper #hearstopper season 2 #alice oseman #queer #lgbtqia #aro ace #asexual