#and it's bad when I'm feeling upset/worrying about something and they don't respond/can't give me an answer | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ddejavvu · 1 year

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could you do a spencer x daughter reader comfort for grade stress? my grades are a lot lower than normal and i feel awful :(

you’re an amazing writer much love <3

'$20 and a completely unabridged gossip session about my love life if you can hack into my school's system and change my grades...'

'Baby genius!' Penelope scolds, in response to what you personally believe was a very fair and enticing offer, 'I can't! I don't do bad hacking anymore, I only do the good kind :)'

'It would be good for me to not have these grades.' You type back, smearing an exasperated hand over your face. You swear you nearly drag your skin right off, and you consider attempting to do so, maybe you wouldn't have to go to school anymore if you were just a skeleton-face.

'I'm sure you're freaking out over nothing, wonder baby,' Penelope responds, full of all of her usual optimism that sickens you now, 'You of all people don't need to be worrying about your grades.'

She's wrong. Now you do, now your grades have inexplicably taken a nosedive, dropping into uncharted territory. With a father that attended college at the ripe age of twelve, you feel severely disappointing. You're not following in his footsteps, you've lost the outline of his sneakers and you're traipsing through mud trying to locate them aagin.

You don't bother responding; you're not even sure what you'd say. You don't even consider the ramifications of her saying no to your scheme, being that the world's biggest gossip knows you're upset about your grades and she's not bound to confidentiality by any suspicious illegal activity.

Which means that when your dad gets home, he heads straight for your room.

"Hi, angel," Spencer leans down to hug you over the back of your desk chair, dropping a kiss to the crown of your head. It's the same kiss he's planted on you every day since you came into the world, "Penelope said you're having school trouble?"

Your stomach drops and you groan, "That snitch."

"Hey!' Spencer scoffs, "She's the one that always spoils your birthday presents 'cause you give her puppy eyes. You use her poor secret-keeping abilities to your benefit just as much as the rest of us."

"It's nothing," You're still glancing blankly at your homework, keeping your eyes away from your dad so that you don't have to see his face. You try to brush him off before he directly asks what your grades are, "I'm just having a bad week or something."

"A bad week doesn't impact your grades that much," Spencer hums suspiciously, "And your teacher doesn't even put in grades until the week after you submit assignments, so this week being bad wouldn't have changed your grade yet. What's really going on?"

"I don't know," You confess, and you're glad he understands it's the truth and not another half-hearted excuse. He catches the wavering in your voice and knows you're being honest with him, and he can practically feel the cartoonish crack running down his heart, splitting it in two.

"Alright," He soothes, setting a hand on your shoulder and squeezing at its tense muscles lightly, "We'll figure it out. I'll help you, okay?"

"I don't want your help," You lament, tears stinging painfully at your eyes, "You- you know everything, and I don't want to hear how many times you have to correct me. I don't want to see what I should be while being reminded that I'm not."

There's a long bout of silence where your dad's hand lingers on your shoulder, the only reminder that he's still there. It's like he's stopped breathing altogether, air caught in his throat as his brain tries coming up with a solution.

"I don't want you to be like me." He confesses, and the tears stay in place at the corners of your eyes, waiting for a cue to fall.

"I'm... It was hard growing up and being different. It's hard now being different. Morgan still scoffs whenever I talk too much, and we've been friends for years. JJ cuts me off every time I go on a tangent. People aren't nice to anyone who's different."

"But that doesn't matter," You whimper, hands flying to your face to push against your eyelids like you could squeeze your tears back inside, "You aced classes, you got into college super young, you got a high profile job, you're successful, and-"

"-and if I had to choose one thing about my life to carry over into the next, none of those would be it." Your dad cuts you off, moving to pry your hands away from your eyes. He smooths his thumbs over your eyelids, softening the sting from your aggressive touches.

"Y/N," He starts, honey-colored eyes dripping with love as he stares at you from his spot perched on your bed, "All the knowledge in the world doesn't make you happy. Knowing what chemicals are attributed to love doesn't mean you feel it. Knowing what poets have written about love doesn't mean you get to experience it for yourself. I don't want you to know everything," He explains, drying a tear with the cuff of his shirt sleeve, "I want you to be happy, to be loved. And you are smart," He promises, "-just because you don't understand the material you're getting, or you aren't doing your homework, or you're overloaded with assignments so that your grades drop doesn't mean you're not smart."

"Dad," Your face crumples, your eyes squeezing shut tight as tears drip from their corners. He guides you into his embrace with a hand on the back of your head and you let him control where your weight lands, slumping into his stomach pitifully.

He rubs down your back with his free hand, letting the one shelter your face against his button-up.

"I love you," He murmurs, and you can feel the vibrations of his voice through his chest. You press your ear into it, so your brain soaks up the words, "Even if you're having trouble memorizing the..." He peers down at your paper, "-amendments to the Constitution. Okay, well, you really should know those. We'll work on it, honey."

"Okay," You can't help the weak laugh that shakes your shoulders at his reaction, and he smiles sweetly down at you when you break away, not an ounce of judgement in his eyes that are twinkling with fondness instead.

"Now," He pats your back, straightening up from where he'd been slightly hunched over to rub soothing circles into the fabric of your shirt, "Let's talk about how you're encouraging Penelope to commit cyber crimes for you."

"Uh," You grimace, glancing back quickly at your revision sheet, "I plead the... fifth?"

"That's-" Spencer looks away, biting his lip to conceal his laugh, "That's good. That's bad, don't do that. But that's good. You know number five. That's a start."

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angelsunoo · 8 months

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Can we get riki x reader argument with happy ending pls we love angst guys 😍

HI ANONNNNNN im currently on a break (or we could say inactive lolol) rn, but i could push this in!!!! I love angst too btw MY BIAS YALLLLL

+ school just started again sooo ive been really busy

ARGUMENT / n.rk.

PAIRINGS bf!riki x reader

GENRE requested, angst, fluff YUHHH

ABOUT you had an argument with your boyfriend.

WARNING swearing, argument. Reader is a bit possessive. All of these are a work of fiction. Ignore the cringe ass usernames in Twitter 😰

It was 7:30 pm. You were up scrolling thru twitter, frowning at every post that bitch made. Why the hell is she acting like Riki is her boyfriend?

You had a scowl on your face. 'Why are u so cute'.

They went on an arcade together. You audibly scoff. He declined your offer to go out with him just to be with that?

Honestly. That's ridiculous. Maybe I should unfollow her. She doesn't deserve my follow.

While you were thinking about ways to murder her, you were unaware that someone just arrived home.

"Hey, Y/N. " you jolt, nearly throwing your phone in the air.

"What the fuck.. " you curse out, placing your hand on your heaving chest. "Don't you know how to knock?" Your eyes widen. You didn't expect to sound so harsh.

"Oh, sorry if I surprised you." He rubs the nape of his neck. Your frown deepens. That's all he has to say? Ugh.

"You went to the arcade with Lei?" You crossed your arms, still with frown displaying your face.

He doesn't answer for a while, he was pulling out the tickets he earned from playing. He got a cute plushie too.

"Uh . Yeah." He casually says, still not giving you eye contact.

"Riki, look at me."

He looks at you with a confused look. "Why do you sound mad? Did I do something wrong?"

"Yeah. You did." You roll your eyes. Wow, does he really not see what's going on?

"What did I do?" He approaches you. He places his hands on your arms. In attempt to soothe you.

You backed away, causing him to let go of you, while your arms remained crossed. "You chose her over me."

"What do you mean?" He asks, with confusion. "Are you jealous I went out with her?" He shoots you a playfull grin, that was quickly removed by your hard glare.

"I'm not joking, riki." You cross your arms. Can't he read the room. You were genuinely upset, and it made you more upset that he failed to notice it. He doesn't respond, and stashed his tickets in a drawer.

"Hello???" You call out, peeking over to what he's doing. "Stop ignoring me asshole."

"What? I'm the asshole?" He glared back at you. Your eyes widen.

"Oh! So you're the one who's mad now." Your tone was a bit higher and harsh. He turns to you, mimicking your actions from earlier, crossing his arms.

"Literally, give me a break Y/N." He says, "She's just a friend. Why do you worry so much?"

"Excuse me? I'm no way near 'worried'." You retort, making air quotation marks with your fingers. "I'm just upset you declined my offer to go out!"

"Oh, then fucking swallow your pride and accept the fact I said no to you! You can't stand it it when someone refuses you, can you? You're being all bitchy to me this late at night." He raises his voice, his tone now also becoming harsher. "She's just a friend. Please don't make me say it again.." He walks away angrily. Leaving you in shock. You didn't mean it that way.

You're just....

"Riki! Come back here!" You shout. He doesn't reply and slams the door behind him. You feel water start to form around your eyes. You never seen him this furious to you.

Now you worry how you're going to sleep at night without his warmth radiating beside you on your bed.

You could barely sleep at night. Why?

Well...

1. You couldn't sleep without him

2. You feel guilty for being a total bitch last night.

3. You are worried of where he might have gone. Did he go to his friend's place? Where did he sleep?

4. Your worried on how your going to talk to him the next day.

This is bad.

Maybe I should text him?

You open your phone, a bit hesitant to text him. You were really ashamed of what you did last night.

Maybe I should just talk to him in school.

You arrived in school, nervously tapping your foot on the smooth marble floor.

Your eyes searched for him.

"Oh riki..." you whisper, your tone being impatient.

After a few minutes of waiting, you finally spotted him, walking with his older friend, Jungwon.

You suddenly feel shy to approach him, the image of his angry face still stuck in your mind made you feel so guilty and ashamed.

You realized your mistake. You shouldn't have been too dramatic yesterday. Riki can hangout with anyone he likes.

But to admit, his words kind of hit you too.

You gave up the idea of talking to him. You feel to ashamed to face him.

Riki on the other hand, is dying to see you again. He misses your embrace and your kisses.

He felt really bad for what he said and he wanted to apologize. He saw you earlier, you looked somewhat nervous? He was going to approach you but you just suddenly left. He thought you didn't want to see his face.

"Yo Riki!" He turns to see who called him, it was jake.

"Oh hey hyung." He said. Jake raises his brow, a bit confused with riki's unusual attitude.

"Hey, what happened?" Jake asked, caressing riki's back slowly.

"I.. I had a fight with Y/N. I said really mean things to her and now I don't think she wants to talk to me," riki says so nonchalantly, but in actuality, he wanted to scream and cry right on the spot.

"Well, you should talk to her," jake says, and riki rolls his eyes.

"Are you serious? I literally told you she didn't wanna talk to me."

"Nuh-uh! You said 'I think'. So means you're not sure if she wants to talk to you or not."

"It's just that... It could've gone a different way. Maybe If i didn't scream at her then maybe she wouldn't be mad at me?" He says unsurely, not knowing what to do. He misses you so much and just wished he was hugging you right now.

It was lunchtime, you said to your friend that you can eat alone. You placed your food tray with a heavy heart.

Sigh.

"Gosh, this day can't get any worse." You mumble, feeling no apetite to eat your food.

While you were busy playing with your food, you didn't know that someone sat infront of you.

"Hey, y/n. " you removed your gaze from your food to look who just sat infront you.

"O-oh! Riki..what you doing here?" You say trying to act casual, but he was able to see right through you.

"Why? Can't I sit with my girlfriend?" He playfully smirks at you, once he saw your red and flustered face.

God, y/n. Why are blushing at that?

"You've been playing with your food," he points out, "why don't I feed you, hm?"

You knew by his tone that he was teasing, and decided to play along.

Finally, he's yours again— I mean-! He has always been.

The end

#enhypen x reader #enhypen angst #enhypen scenarios #enhypen #enhypen fluff #riki nishimura x reader #niki imagines #nishimura riki #i love angst too 😔

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fatuismooches · 7 months

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SMOOCHES!!! Hii darling !! ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა

ohmigosh i swear whenever you respond to my asks, my brain exploded with ideas its crazy and i love u sm for it <33 but anyways this kinda tied down to my recent brainrot b4 this, so since fragile!reader was in a coma for hundreds of years, the first time they probably tried getting out of bed and walking on their own two feet was probably an absolute failure 😭 fragile!raedrr probably looked like a baby deer learning how to walk for the first time. to say it was cute but also embarrassing is an understatement. also THATS SO TRUE! reader would literally beg Zandik and every single clone to go outside to see Snezhnaya, but since their health is so fragile it’s such a huge risk that they can’t take :(( so they’re usually just looking out the window to see if they can even catch a glimpse of Snezhnaya’s city. also adding onto Zandik being more mature and different from the Akademiya, reader probs has so so many questions on what happened while they slept, like what do you mean he has power that can match even the gods?! fragile!raeder would probably be so amazed but also scared that their own lover, THE Zandik, the outcast from Sumeru, turned to become the 2nd Harbinger, and have so much strength. ALSOOOO lifting up his mask and seeing the new scars littered on his face </3 reader would probably be so worried and ask “does it still hurt?” AHHHH it’s past 12 AM but this man has had such a grip on me the whole day. Currently sick rn, hopefully I’ll get better. But ANYWAYS I love you so so much smooches make sure you take breaks and stay healthy in college I know it must be really stressful. Just know I’ll be giving you a bunch of chu chus. <33

-from your dear boo boo bear 🎐 anon ౨ৎ

HI 🎐 ANON!! <33 I'm so glad I inspired you wabdbedbdw that's so cute ily more ❤️❤️ And RELATABLE 🎐 ANON i can't go a day without thinking of this crazy doctor man smh,, and omg i hope you feel better 😭 i'm responding a bit late but hopefully you feel better by now!! Make sure to rest a lot and don't push yourself okay? Staying up until 12 AM isn't good for you!! 😤🥺 Thank you luckily I've been coping well in college, it's just that is SO!! hot and walking to class has me sweating hard unfortunately 😅 Anyway- MOVING ON TO DOTTORE!!

I didn't even think about that- poor fragile reader would have to relearn SO many basic things. At first you'd be stubborn about accepting help - because well... obviously you feel embarrassed and upset that you need help doing something that should be easy to you, from a man as powerful as Dottore nonetheless - but... eventually you have to. At least baby Zandy holds your hand the whole time to steady you ❤️

YEAAA the clones and Dot probably can guess what you are about to say with EASE when you come up to them with a pleading "🥺" expression. They really do feel bad about rejecting you, especially when your shoulders droop and you let out that little dejected sigh that they've gotten used to hearing... You just want to know about the world outside, to explore just like how you once used to in the Akademiya... to venture into the unknown with your beloved. At least there are some really pretty picture books of Snezhnaya, and they always bring you souvenirs from their expeditions <33

Reader would be literally bouncing off the walls in excitement when they hear all of the stories Zandik has to tell 🥺 They want EVERY piece of the story down to the most minuscule detail. I mean, how could you not want the whole story when he went from this random guy in the Akademiya to a HARBINGER? In the Fatui? Those same people who used to watch y'all in the desert and forest?? 😨 And now you're saying this whole lab and space belongs to you too? Zandik, we have hundreds of years of catching up to do and you're not letting him go until he recounts everything <33

OH MY GOD THE SCARS😭😭 TEARSSS I didn't think about how he'd get the scars after you fell asleep- you would be wondering why he wears that mask nonstop until he finally relents and lets you take it off... :( your heart would just break as you softly kiss the scarred skin and trace it with your fingers. It probably doesn't hurt anymore but it aches when you touch it so tenderly...

#smooches talks #🎐 anon #fragile reader <3 #dottore love notes <3 #the scarssss i cant😭#reader kisses them every time they cuddle fr

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avatarrecom · 7 months

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Your headcannons give me life! I’m sorry if I bug you too much though! I have one more that’s been at the forefront of my mind and I promise I’ll stop asking every few days. How would the recoms react if they accidentally hurt a human reader? Either something bad like breaking an arm or something simple like a bruise or knocking them down?

They accidentally hurt you

Pairing: Poly!recoms x Human!reader

Word count: 1306

A/N: Thank you so much nonnie !<3 and don't worry, you don't bug me at all! And please don't stop asking every few days, I love getting requests! (I'm pretty sure not a lot of different people send me asks, so please continue!) I've been really in the mood to write lately (especially one-shots) but sometimes I don't really have a idea's for a plot, so let me know if you have any more ideas!

🌍 Recom Miles Quaritch He would feel so guilty and blame himself so much. How could he have been so careless to the point of hurting you? When he sees your tears, it's almost impossible for him to control his anger — he promised himself he would never hurt you, but here we are. It's honestly a scary sight; you know he's not angry at you, but he's so angry at himself that you don't even dare to say anything. Instead, you go find Ja. Once he's calmed down, he'll come to see you and make sure you're feeling better. He'll apologize over and over again, and he'll be extra affectionate to make up for what happened.

😈 Recom Lyle Wainfleet You wouldn't lie - you were fully aware of the risks when you started dating those ten 9 ft tall aliens. Maybe Lyle was too, but that didn't stop him from feeling absolutely terrible when his tail accidentally pushed you, causing you to crash into the wall. The impact against the wall made you cry out in pain, and Lyle was immediately by your side, apologizing profusely. The bump on your head wasn't too serious, but it still hurt. You reassured Lyle that everything was alright and that you weren't angry, it was just an unfortunate accident. After making sure you would be okay for a moment, he goes looking for Ja, while screaming bloody murder.

🍬 Recom Z-dog At first, she can't believe it. She never intended to hurt you so badly that you passed out. She becomes extremely angry with herself and starts yelling for you to wake up, but you don't respond. If you're curious about Z-dog's weakness, well, congratulations - you've found it. She sits by your bedside until the moment you finally wake up. She asks everyone else to leave the room, so it's just the two of you, and she genuinely looks upset for once. She knows she went too far, even for herself, so she tells you that she wouldn't blame you if you decided to break up with her. But of course, you don't, because the damage isn't permanent and accidents happen, right? She's there for you so much in the following weeks, not caring if it makes her appear weak or if people tease her (they'll get punched if they do). She just wants to make it up to you because she hates the fact that she hurt you, and she'll do anything to make it right.

🥽 Recom Walker When she realizes that it was her fault you got hurt, she'll quickly bring you back to Ja to get you fixed up. If he's not available, she'll take care of you herself. She'll feel terrible because she loves you and her role is to keep you safe, not cause you harm. You mean the world to her and she's afraid that you might lose trust in her, but that's not true at all.

😎 Recom Mansk Instant panic. He never wanted to hurt you, and it was a shock to see you hurt. He knew he had to take care of you and make it right. You tried to calm him down, but he was really upset. You knew he would never hurt you, but it was sweet to see him rushing to get the first aid kit. He patched you up and you could see how sorry he was. You gave him a kiss and told him it was okay. He hugged you tight and you felt so loved. The next day, your room was filled with your favorite things - flowers, chocolates, and new jewelry. He really knows how to make it up to you!

🧯 Recom Prager He's absolutely horrified. His biggest fear is making a mistake and causing you to be frightened of him. As soon as he realizes he's hurt you, he becomes completely frozen until he comes back to his senses. Then, he'll quickly come to where you are, embracing you tightly and apologizing sincerely. He'll hurry to take you to Ja to get you properly bandaged. You understand his fears and reassure him that you will never be scared of him, and that what happened was just a small mistake.

⚕️ Recom Ja When Ja saw the wound, he stayed calm and immediately apologized. "I'm so sorry, my love," he said before going to grab his first aid kit. Meanwhile, you stayed in the kitchen, holding your arm. Since Ja is a medic, it came as no surprise that he efficiently stitched up the wound. "All done," he announced, gently placing a bandage on it and giving it a kiss. "I really am sorry, love." For the next few days, Ja followed you around, constantly checking up on you. He even growled at anyone who got too close to you, and he made sure to remind your other partners to be extra careful, especially with their tails.

🧢 Recom Brown From the very beginning, he feels incredibly guilty. He jumps right in and does everything he can to assist. Even though it was simply an accident, he takes it to heart and is quite tough on himself. It truly saddens you because afterwards, he becomes afraid to even touch you. He believes you're scared of him and you have to reassure him that you would never be scared of him. It takes some time for the tension to ease, but once it does, he becomes even more careful and considerate around you.

📿 Recom Lopez He stood frozen in place, unsure of what to do. But then, when he heard you make a noise of pain, he sprang into action. He quickly picked you up as you applied more pressure to the wound on your lower arm, and swiftly carried you back to the med bay. He started moving everything out of his way, searching for the medical kit. Finally, he found the kit, but realized he had no idea how to help. He was more accustomed to causing harm than healing. "I got it," you said, taking the kit from his hand and starting to treat yourself. He felt awful, absolutely terrible. He just stood there, watching you, wanting to learn how to fix injuries so he could help you if it happened again. "It's okay, Lopez. You didn't hear me. I should have called out or something. It was my fault," you reassured him, even though deep down he knew it wasn't true. He shouldn't have been holding a dagger when you were the only one around. Once your arm was taken care of, you moved to hug him, and he hugged you back tightly, as a way of apologizing.

⛓️ Recom Fike After he hurts you, you feel like he needs to be the one being comforted. The moment you catch a glimpse of his pained and horrified expression, all the pain you were feeling instantly fades away. Without hesitation, you rush over to him, gently pulling him down to his knees and placing a reassuring hand on his face. You let him know that you're okay and there's absolutely no reason for him to blame himself. He's there for you, helping you clean up and making sure you're alright. From that moment on, he becomes incredibly cautious and careful around you, always mindful of your well-being. If you kindly ask him not to bother Ja to check up on you because you're perfectly fine, he'll respect your wishes. However, as time goes by, his anxiety starts to get the best of him and he can't help but seek out Ja. He confides in him, explaining what happened and requesting that he checks up on you. It's important for him to hear multiple times, from both you and your other partners, that he shouldn't blame himself for what happened.

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joonsytip · 10 months

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Lean On || Lee Seokmin

Pairings: Seokmin x Fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Hurt, Comfort, Established Relationship au

Synopsis: On rough days when you have nothing but tears to offer, Seokmin always provides his shoulders to lean on and it reminds you of everything his love language entails of.

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: nothing heavy, toxic workplace, reader is sad, mentions of migraine, THE ENDING IS CRACK.

This is an impromptu post because this 4 month old blog has hit 500+ followers. Thanks to all whom have showed loved, interacted, have been silently supporting me, I love y'all.

Thanks to @hoeforhao for planting this idea in my brain and also for this beautiful banner (i look at it and feel better instantly) <3

Permanent taglist: @kimmych @imsjane @novalpha @hiimhappysblog @fiantomartell (sorry if I missed anyone, please lmk)

Please send an ask to get added to my permanent taglist.

Please heart, comment and reblog, it would really help to keep me going <3

[ SVT Masterlist ] [ SVT Flick - Fic Masterlist ]

The raindrops splatter against the window panes and Seokmin drawls out a restrained breath when his slumber stirs. He checks the time with teary eyes as his head still throbs, cursing himself out for not being able to pick you from work because of the killer headache which forced him to take early leave from office and return home.

He hears the doorknob making a sound and perks up in relief just because he'd be finally able to see you, feel your touch after spending hours apart because of work.

When you take slight longer than usual to cross the hallway and reach the couch where he's seated, Seokmin thinks he can't bear another moment of not seeing you. He rushes to the hallway and is about to call out your name but stills.

Your mind is anywhere and everywhere but to notice your boyfriend's presence. You know how easily he gets worried, so you take deep breaths in hopes that those tears would stop falling, hands frantically rubbing over eyes and cheeks to wipe off any hints of them. While your back still faced him, Seokmin knows you too well to catch onto your actions and even though his heart breaks he quietly goes back to take his previous position on the couch.

"Hey baby, did your headache...", it's happening again. Whenever you're upset your brain decides to stop giving out the words and you're always failing to complete the sentences or make any sense out of it for anyone. You pray that Seokmin doesn't notice, albeit of him being aware of this habit of yours.

"It's better.", Seokmin lies inspite of the way there's a rapid pounding in his head. He pats the space beside him and you're occupy it with hesitancy.

"I tried to...", you regret two things. One, meeting his gaze because your eyes are bloodshot and two, opening your mouth because the words won't come out, "I tried to..", your hands gesture inwards and Seokmin smiles.

"Work is busy, I know baby, it's not easy to leave at your will.", He responds as if he's cutting you off and pats on your head gently, "Go get changed, I'll make us something."

"No, I'm not letting you.", you protest sternly, "You're having headaches from....", you fist your hands determined to get out the word this time, "from... m-migraine", you sigh in relief and look around, "and by the way the only the dim lights are on, I can sense the intensity already. We're ordering take out."

The idea doesn't settle well with Seokmin, "Baby, it's raining outside. It's gonna be a bother to the delivery persons", his eyes go round in concern, "what if the delivery person gets into an accident just because they want to deliver in time, you know how bad the roads will be."

A smile grows on your lips, "Lee Seokmin, you got to worry about the whole world, don't you? And surely we won't be the only one ordering, there are lots of people who are, will gonna do that. But since you don't want to, let me freshen up and I'll make your favourite chicken soup."

"Okay, then I'll make your favourite mashed potato puffs.", he says and ceases every chance of protest from you by sending you into your shared bedroom.

Once you're into the bathroom, you ponder how Seokmin could make you forget about the world instantly when you're with him. But now that you're alone again, your mood sours. The hollowness returns as you shred your clothes and let the warm water wash you thorough.

Seokmin feels he could faint any moment because of the constant throbbing. It's one of those days where medicines does nothing to dull the pain. But he coaxes himself to get through because today you need him. He'd do anything to be your support, to be your anchor, to never let you go to bed upset.

He thanks heaven as he almost finishes making the puffs while waiting for you to join him. He counts sheeps, hums his favourite melodies, tries to think about something funny but nothing diverts him from the splitting headache which he feels keeps on increasing as moments pass by.

He prays he doesn't faint, he doesn't want you to worry more.

"Are you already done?", the smell floods your senses making you hungry instantly as soon as you step into the kitchen.

"Almost.", Seokmin tries to get up but tumbles on his steps and you run to hold him.

You eye him in concern as he seats on the chair. You hand him a glass of water asking, "How bad is it?"

You're met by silence and that's what you needed from him, an honest answer. Next you're running into your room to grab your scarf and purse.

"We're going to the hospital now.", you tell him, looking around for the car keys.

What Seokmin dreaded the most is happening, "Baby, it's not that bad. Plus it's raining outside, I won't let you drive, it's dangerous. I'll be okay in sometime."

You scoff as your angry gaze directs at him, "Your eyes are red, Min. You couldn't even stand properly."

Seokmin tries to open his mouth but you're cutting him off, "No more excuses. We're going to the hospital."

The temperature treatment and medicines did work some sort of magic because Seokmin feels a lot better and by the time you both are out of the hospital, the rain has also stopped.

Seokmin wants to drive, wants to tell you to take rest but with his current plight he wouldn't take the risk of doing so.

"Baby, could you please drive us to the riverside.", he asks and though you eye him questioningly, you don't say a word.

Throughout the ride his hand rests on your thigh, giving gentle caresses. It's oddly comforting you think. He hums soft melodies, adjusts the window glasses rolling them all up when he feels you shiver, rolling them down when it feels stuffy.

When you reach the riverside, Seokmin gets out urging you to stop the car at a spot and you decide to follow him after parking the car.

There's a designated bench for you two, it's your regular spot. You couldn't pinpoint why but that particular area beside the riverside had always enchanted you, during daytime it's filled with people and glee, at nighttime it's dimly lit. But today it's mostly dark maybe because of rain. That's the exact place where you met him for the first time, the memory is silly, it's beautiful and everything you'd be grateful for. Taking seat, while you wait for Seokmin your mind squares back to the incidents in the office and once again the tears start to pool in the corner of your eyes.

Those tears are now streaming down your face as you sob loudly. You don't care to hide it from your boyfriend because you know he already knows that something's off and it's a matter of time he asks you about it.

"Oh baby", you hear your boyfriend's voice and next you're being embraced by him while he sits beside you. You fist your hands on his jacket and some moments later he's loosening your grip on him just to make you look at him.

He wipes your tears and pecks on your forehead, "Wanna let it out?"

You nod like an eager child as if you were waiting for him to ask.

"I had told you about the...", It comes again, with waves of sadness, your brain not giving oult the words, "about the...", you whimper in frustration.

Seokmin knows it's something related to work so he turns the gear in his head and ask, "Project?"

You shake head.

"New team member?"

Again a no.

"Deadline?"

Still no.

He feels like ripping his hair apart and suddenly everything clicks, he thinks he knows what must have happened. With hesitancy he asks, "Promotion?"

You nod, your eyes becoming teary just at the mention, "I've been eyeing that position for a long time. My performance rating has been the best among the peer group so I was sure that I was gonna get promoted. But it was given to Jooseok, we all know he's a...", you look at him expectantly when you get stuck again.

Seokmin knowing in and outs about your workplace quickly adds, "He's a distant relative of the senior project manager."

You nod and continue, "And when I tried to talk to my manager he totally shut me out saying I shouldn't be petty about something I don't deserve in first place."

Seokmin feels unfair because he knows how diligent you are, he has seen how dedicated you are to your work. He remembers how your eyes glinted every time the topic of promotion was brought upon.

"Am I really being petty, Min?"

Vigorously shaking his head Seokmin answers, "Baby, I need you to know that you deserved it more than anyone else. I have known how many all nighters you've pulled to fill in for your incompetent teammates, to help new team members. You're so sincere and reliable, the type project leads would always want to have in their team."

Relief washes over you and you pour out more, "It's not even about the promotion, it's okay, opportunities would come more but what hurts the most is I never get credited for all the work I've put through. They always disregard everything and they're rude.", a pout settles on your lips.

"They need to be taught a lesson.", Seokmin quips because he already has ideas in his head, "Weren't you saying you had a meeting with the clients this week? When is that scheduled?"

"This Thursday.", you say unsuspectingly.

Seokmin grins big when he says, "When you go home you're gonna apply emergency leave for the remaining week. Let's see how things roll without you."

Your eyes go wide in shock, "I can't do that! Plus my manager won't approve it."

"They're called emergency leaves for a reason. And what's your manager gonna do about it? The most he can do is run his filthy mouth.", Seokmin reasons and you're laughing at how he's making questionable faces whenever your manager comes up in the conversation.

"Next you're gonna start applying for new jobs. Your workplace is toxic and sorry if I sound rude or demanding or controlling but I won't let you work somewhere where it costs you your mental health. You deserve to be appreciated for the efforts you're putting through, you deserve a better working environment."

You know what your boyfriend's suggesting is actually a real deal, not that you haven't pondered over this before. Having endured the dirty politics of the office for long actually fuels up in making up your mind.

"I think I'm gonna start applying for jobs.", you acknowledge and Seokmin hugs you in delight. When he does so you wonder where you'd belong if it's not to him.

"You don't even have to work through the notice period, you know I can provide for both of us unless you get another job.", he says and pinches the bridge of your nose, "But I also know your conscience won't allow you to do so, you won't leave that abruptly."

"Thanks Min. What would I do without you?",you whisper giving him a knowing smile. He pecks your lips before asking to wait as he runs off to somewhere.

Some moments later the area suddenly lights dimly in various colours making your eyes wonder in search of not anything in particular. Then falls a spotlight on the empty space to your front. You watch as your boyfriend walks in taking place into the circle of the light holding a what you assume to be a water bottle along with that a gas balloon, the thread tied on his wrist.

He looks at you, when your gazes meet his smiles ear to ear which turns out to be contagious because you're smiling wide too.

The characteristic goofy smile that he gives you tugs on your heart and when he's holding the bottle as a makeshift mic you're already laughing out loud.

"Silly", you call him out.

He points at you before he starts to sing.

And when he starts to sing, your eyes almost fall off the sockets because he's singing what you had never anticipated.

"Dogs goes woof, Cat goes meow...", he starts to sing so soulfully that if you didn't know the lyrics and the song you'd mistake it for some melody, "Bird goes tweet and mouse goes squeek…"

He's jumping around, hoping from one place to another, hitting notes effortlessly with such parodical expressions that you're sliding down the bench, holding your cheeks that are aching from all the laughing.

And when he goes quiet all of sudden, you squint eyes at him. He closes up to you and sings again, "But there's one sound, that no one knows......."

He hold the bottle to your mouth, urging you to continue and you're choking and bubbling out giggles when you manage to say, "What does the fox say?"

You are wrong to think this couldn't get funnier, your boyfriend couldn't get funnier. Because he's know holding the balloon and untying the thread. Next he's inhaling the gas which you're sure now that it's helium.

And that's it, that's what made you goner.

With his husky voice turning shrillest he winks at you and aggressively does the did, sings the catch part of the song.

"Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!"

You're rolling on the ground, kicking legs in the air, clutching your stomach in case it bursts open from excessive laughing.

"M-Min, please stop or I'll really combust.", your strained voice is pleading, "This is ridiculous, what are you?"

Seokmin gets the scare of his life as he takes the literal meaning of your words and stops instantly. And you regret taking a look at his expression because it's so funny that you're laying down again just to laugh.

"Are you done?", Seokmin tugs on your sleeves, "This wasn't supposed to be that funny. Why are still laughing? Do I look funny?"

You know he's sulking and teasing simultaneously so you're grabbing his face and pulling him down so that you could kiss him and gleefully he obliges.

"Idiot", you mumble against his lips once they part, "You're inhaling Helium and doing all sorts of hyping with this massive headache. It's gonna be worse."

"Anything to make you feel better.", he pecks your lips once again and says, "I'm so proud of you, Y/N. Never doubt your worth. I love you."

"And you're the best thing that happened to me. You should also be knowing how your presence itself can heal anyone around you. Love you too baby, thanks for being mine, for being with me.", You confess, honestly, feeling his face, asserting assurance.

He gets up and helps you to do so, "We'll pick up dinner from that takeaway truck on our way home."

"Fine, since it's late. I'll make you chicken soup tomorrow.", You say, "Let's go, I need to apply for leave and prepare the seperation papers as well."

"Sounds like a plan, but first let's return the bottle to aunt, her stall is still open. She must be waiting for us and also, gotta tell her to switch off the lights."

Aunt has been integral part of your journey with Seokmin. She runs a stall by the riverside and you had met her through Seokmin, the old woman is quirky, funny and an absolute lovebug. She loves you both as her own and you both reciprocate the same.

As Seokmin skips all the way ahead of you, calling your name to show random things he sees on the ground, your heart swells in your chest. You thank heavens for letting you have Seokmin to lean on.

→ Do not copy, re-post, translate, or share any of my works on other platforms! All stories are copyrighted, joonsytip. ©️

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cummin-n-cryin · 1 year

Note

May I request poly vil and idia with a gender neutral reader, with maybe either body disphoria, or just in general feeling not good enough?

It can be sfw or not, whichever you feel more up to!

~Thank you for your request!

You're Good Enough

Vil + Idia x gn!reader (polyamory)

Tw: lil bit of angst

Wordcount: 900

Side Note: oooh been a while since I've gotten an angsty request! I'm leaning more towards just in general not feeling good enough as body dysphoria can get a bit complicated. Being in a poly relationship with Vil and Idia is an interesting combination! Sry if the beginning seems a bit rushed but I hope this is okay!

Idia is the first to find you. Stumbling upon your hunched over form sitting on a bench in the courtyard. He grew worried seeing your downcast expression. So, awkwardly shuffling back and forth, he invites you to come to his bedroom to play video games with him. Maybe playing for a bit will help distract your mind from whatever is bothering you?

You agree to his offer and take his hand as you both walk to the Ignihyde dorm together. Once you reach his bedroom, he offers you snacks as he sets up everything.

Ortho eventually walks in. He's excited to see you here. Though, when Idia whispers to Ortho about how you seem to be feeling down, Ortho makes it his mission to try and at least make you laugh a little bit.

Trying his best to cheer you up, he tells you of cool or funny things that he saw the other students doing. He also tries showing you videos of animals doing silly things. People like to watch cute animals when they're feeling sad, right?

However, Ortho doesn't stay too long, as much as he'd like to hang out with you and his older brother, he has a whole dorm to patrol! So with a quick goodbye, Ortho leaves to go back on his walk.

You and Idia go back to playing games, though he can't help but be curious as to what made you feel upset. So, he asks. Albeit he's very awkward about it, looking off to the side. For a minute you're quiet, before telling him that you just don't feel like you're good enough.

Idia doesn't respond immediately, instead he pulls you into a hug. He takes a moment before whispering, "You're way more than good enough, you're amazing. I should be the one feeling like I'm not good enough." He lets out a small, almost sad laugh as he pulls away from you.

He then continues, "Seriously though, you really are amazing and I couldn't have wished for a better person to be my love interest. I'm sure Vil would agree with me too." He then quickly looks away, "Sorry if that was weird or something. I'm pretty bad at these kinds of things..." He rubs the back of his neck as he clears his throat.

The moment is then interrupted by Ortho bursting through the door. Idia lets out a high pitched scream before trying to cover it up with a cough. It seems Ortho is not alone however, as none other than Vil walks inside the bedroom just behind Ortho.

"I've been looking for you." Vil says, giving you a pointed look. "I texted you multiple times and yet I've received no answer. What's going on?" Vil places his hands on his hips as he looks down at both you and Idia.

"I was playing games with Idia. I must have gotten distracted." You awkwardly laugh. Idia then speaks after you, "They were feeling down so I invited them to come game with me for a bit."

Vil sighs, "Y/n, can you walk with me?" You nod. As you get up you give Idia a kiss on the cheek. Idia quickly looks away with a blush, his hair tinted pink to match. Vil smirks at the sight. You then proceed to follow Vil out of the bedroom, waving goodbye to Idia and Ortho as you do so.

As you two leave the Ignihyde dorm, Vil is quiet for a while. It isn't until you've fully left the dorm that he speaks, "I hope you don't mind me asking but, what had upset you?" Vil quickly adds, "Don't feel pressured to tell me if you don't want to. You shouldn't feel forced to answer."

You look at the ground for a moment, taking a breath you then tell Vil that you just feel like you're not good enough.

Vil's expression turns stern, "Did someone do something to make you feel like this? If someone has then I'll be sure to talk to them." You quickly shake your head, "No, it's just personal stuff I guess..." You mumble as you kick at the ground a bit.

Vil reaches over and lightly grasps your chin, moving your head to look at him. "Y/n. You are good enough and you will always be good enough. And as long as we're together, I'll make sure to remind you of that. It also seems you need to be taught how to respect yourself more. I won't stand here and let you treat yourself so terribly. Both you and I know you deserve more than that."

Vil releases your face and puts his hand on his hip. "But, that can wait. For now, let's get you back to your dorm. It's getting late." Grasping your hand within his, he walks you back to your room.

Arriving at your bedroom, Vil waits at the door as you walk inside. "Goodnight Y/n, we can discuss this more tomorrow. If you'd like to, of course."

However, before Vil leaves he then says, "Oh, do try to not tell Rook of this, unless you want him to sing you poems of your beauty outside your window at the dead of night. I warn you because I won't be there to help you." Vil gives a small laugh and with a final goodnight, closes the door.

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #vil schoenheit #vil schoenheit x reader #idia shroud #idia shroud x reader #tw angst

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neomujinjja · 5 months

Text

XO, Love You (2)

Pairing: Seunghan x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Enemies(?) to lovers

Warning: not edited, some ooc-ness, some XO, Kitty influences

Synopsis: You and Seunghan don't get along despite running in similar circles. But after events pushing the two of together, there might be romantic feelings growing.

Part 1 Part 3 Part 4

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

"Y/N" your dance teacher calls for you as the class begins to pack up. You walk up to their desk, trying to keep a calm demeanor. "I'd like for you to participate in the upcoming ceremony. You're free to pick your partner or to say no; just let me know your decision." He informed you.

"Thank you, sir. I'll let you know my decision soon" you told him before leaving the room. You make your way to the cafeteria, already texting in your group chat with Shotaro and Wonbin.

"So, why did we have to hurry over here?" Shotaro asks, there is a tinge of worry in his voice. Wonbin hands over the drink, he bought as the duo sit at the table.

"I got ask to be apart of the upcoming ceremony." You say as you push the trays with their food towards them. "And the teacher mentioned a partner so, my lovely best friends," you continued, bringing up the topic and asking them if they wanted to join.

"Me and Wonbin were already planning on doing something. Sorry Y/N" Shotaro told you. At his sentence, you visibly shrunk with an upset expression.

"But I know someone who is available" Wonbin spoke up after finishing his mouth. You perked up once again, interested in who it could be. "I'll text them and set up a date for you two to meet." He continued as he pulled his phone out. You thanked the male repeatedly, holding his hand.

"I owe you"

'I take it back. I will not forget this betrayal Wonbin' You texted the male upon seeing who walked into the studio.

You gathered your stuff and moved to the door to leave.

"Where are you going?" Seunghan asked as he stepped in front of you to stop you.

"I don't want to perform with you. I'll tell my teacher that I can't do it anymore." You say pushing past the male. He grabs your arm to stop you.

"Are you really going to give up this opportunity because of your dislike towards me?" he says with a serious tone. You avoid his gaze as you think about it. "Why not try working with me and if you still can't perform then you can quit. I'm not as bad as you make me out to be." Seunghan continues when you don't respond in any form.

"Fine."

"Fine,"

"Amazing."

"Perfect. So let's stop messing around and get to work,"

#kpop x gender neutral reader #kpop x poc reader #kpop #kpop x reader #kpop imagines #kpop fluff #riize #riize seunghan #riize fluff #riize imagines #seunghan #seunghan x reader #riize seunghan x reader #seunghan fluff #riize x reader #enemies to lovers #xo kitty #hong seunghan #xo kitty inspired

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tamashiiraiden · 1 year

Text

FACELESS LEADER

ARATAKI ITTO X RAIDEN! READER

In which the puppet of Raiden Ei receives a secret admirer all around Inazuma. But, this admirer seems to be scared to show himself. What happens if they cross paths? The faceless puppet y/n is, decides to look for him without Hiding her face

DEFINITIONS BEFORE YOU READ

(ARCHON NAMES)

archon name examples; (Morax, Barbatos, Beelzebub, Baal, Buer)

"Lady Y/n it seems that you get many gifts in Valentines day more than in your own Birthday? how ironic." Yae miko, the spoiled yokai she is compliments

"At least I actually get something."

"oh, giving me the cold shoulders I see?" she smirks as she drinks her macha tea specially made for her.

'in total of all these its 126 gifts.' I think to myself but finally I came down to see a Letter with a beetle sticker on it.

FOR MY BELOVED FUTURE ARCHON WIFE

I'm so sorry for the scribbles! don't mind them, but ..I just want to say to you Y/n Raiden, that you are so amazing let alone a puppet. You have survived countless wars during Inazuma's hardest times. Especially for the Oni's ! Though I did not give this to you with pride I'm glad you are able to read this and rather than ripping it into shreads.

I..I Love you Lady Y/n, In the shadows. I have always admired you but. I'm no Shrek and your no Princess Fiona, Who would look at me and consider me as a human? I'm just an Oni living in a Demigod's shadow knowing that your feelings would never return, all I can ever do is Give up.

But I'll say this one more time.

I LOVE YOU

-Love the one and Oni.

I was suprised, No man has ever dedicated their lives for me and.. he is an oni?

" " "

Lately, Sara has been dealing with some oni business so I quickly went to the training grounds where she always trains.

"pardon me Sara,'' I come up to her as she stopped to look at me and bowed in respect ''Lady Y/n! I am glad to see you in good condition, what is the issue?'' she asks and I sigh and responded

''do you know anyone who claims to go by 'the one and oni?" she quickly reacted and her face looked upset

"did he do anything bad to you?!" she yelled a bit but I shook my head signing a 'no' and It made her calm down a bit

"that guy is a jerk of a delinquent. He doesn't like defeat,a total idiot and a fucking oni!'' she yelled she seemed annoyed

''whatever you want to ask me, his name is Arataki Itto, a crimson oni, a gang leader, has a geo vision. one thing you have to know is that I'm on bad terms with him and I can't wait to arrest him again."

I was more shocked, I didn't expect a Delinquent to be attracted by me and did she say Itto ..? If I could remember it, He was the boy I always played with as a kid alongside some children. Nobody even knew I was the Puppet of Beelzebub.

" " "

I was currently walking around all alone, I sneaked out of the Shogunate Palace to find this Itto guy I know I should've at least informed someone,

but guards would be by my side by now. It's funny how I'm literally stronger than Sara, and I'm still being pampered like a fragile puppet. Well I was but that was when I still had ball joints, and to my luck. It disappeared on its own.

It was a cold night and no human in Inazuma has ever seen my face before, take Morax as an example (before he became Zhongli) no one had ever seen his face as the Geo Archon, nor' he'd ever did.

people has seen me but not without the cloth I was wearing I think only Ayato and mom have been the only people who saw me without it.

'cold .. its cold..'

" " "

'ahh shit .. it's too cold..' I thought to myself but then I spotted men coming in my way so I quickly prepared for battle.

"who's there?"

I had no cloth in me to Identify as Y/n the next Electro Archon.

"don't worry ma'am I won't harm you a green haired youth showed herself in the shadows "who are you?" I asked suspicous about her I mean her face is literally covered.

"I am Kuki Shinobu, May I help you? you seem lost. Do you seek shelter? I know a place'' She responded

I NEEDED TO LIE.

"Yes I need shelter real fast but.. do you happen to recognize a guy named, Arataki Itto..? m-my lady Y/n sent me off to find them, all she said was that she received a letter to him and told me to look for him.." the girl who is identified as Shinobu looked surprised and suddenly

"WHAT? THE GREAT LADY Y/N RESPONDED TO BOSS' LOVE CONFESSION?" Some random dude came out and yelled behind the bushes where Shinobu came out.

"y-yes..'' I faked stuttered

"let us take you to him then.'' Shinobu said as we left off to go to their meeting area

" " "

I was currently talking to one of the members of Itto's gang, it seems that he was on a meeting and we were planning to surprise him. I didn't care about it I'm already 500 years old, we were planning to tell it to him when he's finally annoyed.

he was reportedly the one who annoys everyone and everywhere, he was always around their necks. "I want him to taste his own medicine." Shinobu looked awfully annoyed by him

"we finally arrived"

I was getting stares by the delinquents, trying to terrify me? funny. "where's boss?'' Shinobu asked one of them "in a meeting with the entire Oni Gangs, he's fucking busy."

I could feel this scent everywhere I decided to follow it, it led me to a room and a bunch of men arguing

"WE GOTTA ATTACK THE TENRYOU COMISSION!" One yelled

"YOU TRYNA DIE BITCH? GO TO HELL YOU STUPID ONI"

I decided to knock the door but this time I quickly put on a cloth I saw near me

a gentleman/butler answered "hello?- LADY Y/N?"

"Hello."

ARATAKI ITTO'S POINT OF VIEW

All of us Oni leaders were arguing about attacking the Tenryou Comission because of the vision hunt decree, of course I was against the decree but attacking them is just too much for me and the gang.

''WE GOTTA ATTACK THE TENRYOU COMISSION!" The lavender Oni yelled

I respond "YOU TRYNA DIE BITCH? GO TO HELL YOU STUPID ONI" But then someone knocked the door and the butler of the blue Oni opened it and he suddenly yelled

"hello?- LADY Y/N?" he yelled and made us look at him in shock as he back away.

"Hello."

I looked at her in shock and so was the other Oni's

'' good evening to you too all Oni's but I'm afraid you're not nice to my friends? do I serve my stand?"

everyone was silent Until the Lavender Oni responded an anxious response "I- Uh .. Lady Y/n.. we can explain.."

'' and I thought our clans were friends lavender Oni you have failed me and the entire government attorneys.''

''But I'm not looking forward to fight Oni's today I just want to take you're little Crimson Oni" she said as everyone looked at me dead serious like

'you better fucking go you stupid idiot.'

"y-yea sure.. my lady ..'' I stood up from my desk and walked up to her I was indeed turning as red as my old skin.

"l-look, if it's about the letter thing I gave you yesterday- please just tell it to me straight in my face..''

at a sudden, she started taking off her cloth

"do you not recognize me, Itto ..?'' she looks up at me as I admired her beauty, she was so beautiful. I don't think any man wouldn't admit it,

"n-no.. who are you- well.. who were you?.." I asked as I peck her chin

"don't you remember?"

FLASHBACK

NO ONE'S POV

a young crimson Oni was running around to get the Onikabuto but he suddenly tripped and bleed severely. It seems like the boy had tripped in an Oni trap filled with different types of beans, he was screaming in utter pain and kept crying as hives started to show in his beautiful red skin

"HAHAHAHHA what a loser!" a human boy came out ''fortune in Oni out! fortune in Oni out!"

"FORTUNE IN ONI OUT!"

they kept repeating that stupid chant.. until..

"oi! leave him alone!"

the boy couldn't take the pain any longer. And he passed out in severe pain.

The boy suddenly felt warm liquid being pressed into his bruise he finally squinted his eyes and saw the same exact girl that defended him, he reacted and backed away, not until a tree hit his weak back as he groaned in pain and possibly had cried a bit

"don't come near me!" he covered himself as he tears up and sobs unbelievable ugly cries

''AW come on! I defended you with my kind and this is what you react to me? that's frustrating!" he finally looked at her and saw her beautiful lilac orbs and dark purple hair those looks gave him a feeling..

"eh.. uhm.. why do you look like the Shogunate?"

the girl flinched at his words "eh.. uh..''

'' I suppose, People can get lucky..?" '' not when they are from Inazuma.."

"but here, let me help you..'' she soon became emotionless and treated my wounds

"t-thank you.. uh.."

'' call me (archon name)"

"Wow your parents really picked that out for you huh"

"you?"

"Oh! It's Arataki Itto!"

END OF FLASHBACK

''W-Wait.. that was you..?'' Itto blushed as you nodded

"what made you come up with (Archon name)? pretty weird yk.." ''uhm.. that's my name as an Archon you know.. something like Morax or Barbatos?"

"o-oh! I'm sorry hahaha I'm not used to calling people by their god names." he lightly chuckled

"but lets get to the point.." she responded as his face become serious

"Itto, do you still love me?" she looks at him straight in his face he swore his horns were melting

"n.."

It was a quiet silence for the two

'' yes.. yes my lady.. even after all those things I had gone through, My eyes were onto you the whole entire time.." he held her hand tightly

"all I want to know.. is that do you love me back?"

,,,

''..Yes, I love you back. Ever since we were still young"

,,,

A bird started to fly away from It's tree

as the bird flew it landed to it's owners hand

"oh? I see she is safe," the woman talked

"huh? with the Arataki gang leader? loving eachother? saving him from an Oni trap at a young age?"

"I see,"

"She'll be talking to me when she gets back."

Raiden Ei looks at the sky as she is ready to talk with her last puppet.

TO BE CONTINUED

#arataki itto #genshin fanfic #genshin impact #arataki gang #arataki x you #itto x reader #itto x y/n #arataki itto x reader #genshin impact raiden #tamashiiraiden

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seidooreiki · 8 months

Text

--- SPOILER ALERT OF THE FIRST RESPONDERS SEASON 2 EPISODE 3 ---

I want to be diligent and put screencaps in this post but when I think about it again, I don't think I can so here we go.

Dojin's sudden death is such a big plot twist that I never think will happen-- now I'm kind of mad, I will prefer the cheesy and useless love triangle rather than his tragic death.

But at the same time, I'm kind of impressed.

I do think the script writer has planned it from the first season. It isn't the big plot twist just for the sake of it, but Dojin is destinied to die (for the sake of the plot). It left a big impact, it made me love and hate the script writer for doing it to me.

What you can say? I love angst. It hurts so good. It destroyed me in the worst way possible, I hate it but I love it.

I do love how the director directed this drama. The episode 3 is so... darn painful but very beautiful done, even though I'm reluctant to admit it.

Dojin's death is tragic, but at least, not stupid.

It is very Dojin like.

A noble death, kind of.

I cried my eyes off for the entire episode. It was unfolded in a neat way. In a memorable way.

And here, in the first season, I thought Doujin will get into the trope of nice guy second male lead who will get a heartbreak but find a new love in the second season. I thought for sure Sol will choose Detective Jin, because his trope as the loner and suicidal bad boy MC is too fatal. But, I never thought their love triangle will end in this way.

Not with how Dojin confessed his love in the 'afterlife'. Not with how Detective Jin, secretly, took away the ring from Dojin's finger and put it on Sol, because he just knows.

Not with how after Sol woke up from her comatose state, the first thing Detective Jin did was telling her about Dojin's death. Not with how Detective Jin accompanied her to Dojin's grave because she missed the funeral.

It is like how Dojin knows how Sol has a soft spot for Detective Jin, but Dojin never acted childish about it. Instead, he respects her feeling, and focusing at how he can win her heart without slandering Detective Jin. Detective Jin also knows how Dojin loves her and how Sol regards Dojin as an important person.

The triangle love turned tragic but wholesome, it was so far away from a cliche and toxic triangle love story in most kdrama.

Heck, in alternate story, I won't mind for them to be in a polyamory relationship because those three are wholesome together.

And beside the tragic love triangle.

I'm saddened of how Detective Jin missed his chance to have a good friendship with Dojin. Well, their friendship has improved a lot, but not enough, for me. Detective Jin is so broken and he functions solely on negative feelings, it was almost hard to see. The ones who noticed it the most are Sol and Dojin.

Sol is healing him with her kindness and love,

And Dojin is giving him a strange but understanding friendship, where Dojin can perfectly follow Detective Jin's crazy thought.

For someone as broken as Detective Jin, I can tell how Dojin's death broke something inside Detective Jin more. He didn't show it because he can't show it unless the case is solved. But Detective Jin was very shaken up.

And it was sad.

He is an inch away to have a better friendship with Dojin, in the first and second episodes, they become quite close.

The episode 3 is such a wild ride because it is shown how everyone suffered with Dojin's death. He is an amazing person and he left a big impact for so many people.

The coroner who has a crush to Dojin.

I cried so hard when she cried.

I felt her. She maintained her professionalism to the end and finally shed tears when no one watching. Similar with the comannder of the fire fighter.

The episode 2 is about how people are worrying about Sol, so Dojin's death flew under their radar, well, our radar. It was beautifully planned by the director and the script writer. I'm upset but impressed.

Still, now that Dojin isn't there with them, this drama won't ever be the same. Now instead of trio, it only become duo... and more romantic (but also very painful)? I don't know honestly.

And here I hope the drama will end with Detective Jin healing with Sol's help and Dojin become his best friend that he doesn't know he needed.

I don't think I can ever rewatch this drama again because then I will cry everytime I see Dojin on screen.

He is one of the best second male lead I have ever seen. His death broke my heart to pieces.

And even though it will be hard to watch this drama to the end, probably I will still will. Because I know Dojin will still appear in flash back or hallucination later. But only for this second season.

If this drama continues into more seasons like the rumors said, I don't think I can watch more of this. Especially if Dojin's role is replaced by someone else, I can't bear to see it.

This is such an underrated drama, but I think not everyone can stomach how the second male lead died before the season 2 reach the climax so yeah...

Maybe I will write a fanfic about this drama, about Dojin, later. But now, I need to heal because Dojin's death give me such a trauma now.

F*ck u with love, script writer

#the first responders #kdrama #korean drama #the second season killed me in the worst way possible #spoiler alert #major character death #just a ramble #because it is my favorite character that died #I love but hate how they died

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funkymbtifiction · 2 years

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How to be faster and more efficient as Ne-Ti?

Wing it with with Ne? Ne works pretty fast on its own, but it will lack structure without a judging function being involved. As far as coming up with instant ideas, though, or alternatives, it can't be beat.

I feel like you are stressing as a 9 and moving into 6, and second-guessing and thinking you have to cover all bases or you're going to let people down and get fired... when in reality, you are probably fine and being appreciated for your contributions by your coworkers. :)

It has been troubling me a while now. But I have a feeling Ti is slowing me down a lot. Like, people around me are mostly Te-doms or ESFPs. They can respond to troubles or come up with structure on the fly.

If your coworkers are good at this, it means this doesn't have to be something you are good at / it's not necessary to burden yourself with it. Focus on the things you can do that aren't being covered by the ETJs / ESFPs in your life (long-term thinking, strategizing, seeing the big picture rather than just the here and now) and bring that to the table.

Like, we had a meeting with our clients, they can come up with adequate plans on spot. My ESTJ boss mentioned something like 'just responds to problems'. It's amazing how quickly Te-doms can find solutions (and make plans) to just about any problems so quickly.

Yeah, they're bad-asses. That's WHY they are the boss. ;)

Thing is, he expects me to be as natural at this as he does.

Is that what he told you, or are you burdening yourself with this expectation or leaping to unfounded assumptions?

I'm a good problem solver and logistician, mind you. But I can't come up with solid plans on the fly like he does. He built a plan (and budget) on spot. I have to talk through it and explore it to find the 'right' way to make it. It's kinda like everything has to fit and cogs run smoothly. It works but I feel like I can't keep up with Te-doms around me. It could also be argued that they are all more experienced than me (10+ years in this field ...) but still. I think I could do better.

Yeah, 10+ years doing this is giving them an edge. You're a beginner. Cut yourself some slack. You've written to me several times about this job, about being stressed, about trying to out-perform everyone else, and you are still taking on too much that is not yours to do in an effort to compete with people who are more experienced. It's unnecessary. Learn from them instead. Learn at the pace that feels the most natural. Outsource things to people who are good at them and allow that to be their contribution, rather than trying to master every single thing about your job all at once. You are over-estimating yourself with Ne, under-estimating how much time, effort, and experience is worth in terms of improvement (it takes 10,000 dedicated hours to become an expert at something) with Si, and so desperate to please that you're worried about things that probably are significantly less important to everyone around you than to you. Can you do better? Sure. But 110% more work to achieve 7% "better" is not a good use of your time, mental energy, or resources. Do your best and let that be good enough.

Do you have any advice (from Te perspective) to streamline my process?

Not really. Just do your best and learn from their many years of doing this. Ask questions to figure out why they use certain tactics. Do what tasks are given to you and one or two more things (if you care about earning promotions), but don't do other people's jobs for them or assume you have to be as good at their job as they are.

My dad just told me today that I'm reaching too high. I'm stressed out and I'm angry at myself. But he said I'm just reaching too high right now and should cut myself some slack.

He's right. You take on too much, don't do great at it because you're under-qualified or inexperienced, then get upset with yourself and assume you should be better at this than you are, which causes self-hatred in a never-ending loop. Recognize that this is a pattern and figure out how to stop it. Turn off that ruthlessly critical "you could do better" 1 wing. Notice when your expectations are unrealistic for yourself (Ne + 1) and come back down to earth. Recognize that not everything is yours to do (battle that super-ego self-criticism). Etc.

Also he told me I should assert myself more. Like, if I don't know something. Instead of just struggle myself, it's okay to ask people who know (i.e, my boss and seniors). He asked me why do I always take the 'hard path' when I can just ... well, ask. What do you think about this? Is it really okay to ask? Or it's actually true that people are expected to figure things out themselves?

Try to figure it out for yourself and if you can't, ask. If time is of the essence, immediately ask for help. There's no shame in it.

#question #mbti #entp

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fixxofvixx · 2 years

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Bloodright - Vampire Jaehwan AU - Chapter 13

Hello! I'm so sorry I didn't update a Chapter yesterday. I felt so sick all night and most of the day today. I really wanted to keep on schedule but I couldn't wrap my head around it yesterday. I still have two stories to update (TEACHING VIXX and hybrid hongbin). I will try my utmost best to post those both tomorrow. If not, I will upload one tomorrow and another the day after.

Otherwise I hope you enjoy this chapter. Let me know what you think!

🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️

You were in the middle of finishing off your plate of food when you heard voices. A cold chill settled in your body as you knew the other vampires had arrived.

You heard them complaining to Jaehwan about various things and your immediate response was to defend him but your fear of strangers, especially of the vampiric nature, cemented you to your chair.

You looked over to Rina and she motioned for you to follow her. With a guilty feeling, you left your plate on the small table and vowed to make it up to whoever had to clean it up.

Rina led you to the back of the house and out through the path leading to the garden. Jaehwan had mentioned that the other vampires wouldn't wander around the estate and they were not allowed in private areas like the garden and the 2nd floor. You half considered going to the cottages on the other side of the estate with the others but you wanted to be around Jaehwan…..just in case.

Rina took you to the large gazebo in the center of the garden and you sat down on one of the chairs.

"I figured you would be more comfortable here. His Highness will give them a tour of the allowable areas and the kitchen is one of them since it's on the first floor."

"I appreciate that. I'm not good in social situations and I don't want to make things difficult for Jaehwan."

"He would understand. But I think he would be more at ease knowing you were here."

—--------------

"I've heard the young prince has secured his donor."

"Ah, yes, that is correct. I have heard that as well."

Jaehwan tensed when the others began asking about you. He was hoping to avoid the subject but he should have known that they would latch on to the gossip and run with it.

"Do you care to offer us an introduction? I would very much like to meet her."

"Yes, we should make sure that the donor is compatible with our prince. I would hate to think she was plotting against you this whole time. We've had to remove donors before, you know. Terrible situation, really."

Jaehwan's insides were on fire. He wanted to tear all of them to pieces.

"Unfortunately, you will not get the chance to make that decision. She is resting and will not be taking visitors."

"Your Highness, you can't take chances like that! What if something happens? How would we be able to protect you if there is danger in your own home?”

“Do you think I am not capable of taking care of myself? You underestimate my abilities.” Jaehwan was so livid and his guests had only been there for less than an hour.

“Min, show our guests to their rooms while I make sure that the kitchen staff is prepared for dinner.” Jaehwan didn’t wait for Min or the guests to respond and walked away.

Jaehwan walked as fast as he could to the kitchen because he knew that was where he’d left you. He was supposed to have given a tour of the grounds and informed the guests of where they could go but with all the mentions of you already, he needed to make sure you were alright.

He entered the kitchen but only saw a few workers completing various tasks. Worried, he sped up to your room to see if you had retreated there.

—--------------------------------

You sat at the bench watching the birds play in the birdbath while Rina left to prepare some tea and snacks. You didn’t finish your meal earlier and she felt bad, insisting that you needed to eat or Jaehwan would be upset.

You smiled thinking about the little family you had discovered here. You wouldn’t trade it for the world, you knew that much. Your time in your home was still etched onto your brain. You assumed it would take years for that to fade. But, living here with Jaehwan made forgetting all that much easier.

You stood up and wandered out of the gazebo, intent on picking some flowers to put in your room. You had almost hesitated and wanted to ask permission but you didn’t want to bother Jaehwan. You assumed he would allow it anyway. If he minded then you would promise to plant some more flowers in their stead. You needed something to do.

In no time at all, you had a fistfull of daisies and zinnias. Their colorful blooms made your heart light. Deciding that this would be a nice way to spend your time every few days made you giggle.

"Y/N." You jumped when you heard Jaehwan's voice. You stopped picking flowers and looked around trying to find him.

"Up here." You looked up and smiled. Jaehwan was leaning out of the hall window that sat across from your room. Had he been looking for you?

Your eyebrows furrowed when you were able to see the usual smile on his face gone. The guests must have upset him or…was he upset about you picking flowers.

"Y/N?" You turned to the side of the house when you heard someone else speak your name.

The wind rushed out of your lungs when you realized that your brother was standing there before you. You backed up quickly and gasped.

His eyes were red.

Jaehwan must have seen your distress and jumped from the window. He landed easily beside you and gently encircled your wrist with his hand.

"What the hell are you doing back here? You know this section is off-limits."

"I came to speak with my sister."

#vixx #vixx fic #vampire jaehwan #vampire vixx #jaehwan fic

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iamnot-theboynextdoor · 1 year

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i never know how to respond when people (especially receptionists or nurses), in trying to make idle smalltalk, say something like "your name is arin? that's an unusual name for a girl!" or "is aaron with an i the girl spelling?" or (once, horrifyingly) "it must be such a shame for you, being stuck with a boy's name"

and i just go "haha yeah"

like, is it even worth correcting someone over a five second interaction? i don't want them to think i'm Offended or Upset or being passive-aggressive or, god forbid, being a special snowflake/triggered tranny/"did you just assume my gender??1!?!?!?" (i know this one is paranoia on my part, but i don't want to be, like, The Only Trans Person someone has met and give into negative stereotypes).

and it always happens when i start to feel okay about my appearance. i wear the most Just Some Guy clothes i have to appointments like this, i talk in a lower register, i have a flat chest now, but none of it is ever enough. and i know there's nothing i can really do about that, i accept that i'm 5'3" and curvy and have a round face; and on their own, none of those things bother me. just when i get misgendered i'm like "ahh fuck thatse right i look like a cross-dressing hobbit".

and it's not the other person's fault at all, and i'm not upset with them! i just feel like any response i give would be very awkward and would surely make at least one of us feel bad, and if that's the case, i'd rather it be me.

what would i even say? i don't want to OVER-explain, like i usually do (like i am doing). "i'm actually a guy" sounds so unnatural, and my imposter syndrome/"you don't pass"/"they will think you are delusional" kicks in, and i freeze up.

do i say "i'm a guy, but i was born a girl so i get the confusion, no worries" or is that Too Much Information?

i sometimes make the mistake of saying "yeah i spelled it weird when i changed my name," because that has led to people asking "oh, why did you change your name? what was your name before?" which i know is just smalltalk and them being polite and vaguely curious, but then i'm like "oh fuck the only thing i can think to say is to mention to this Total Stranger that i am trans, but what if that would make them feel bad, or be inappropriate, or maybe they will be judgemental" and i freeze up again.

it always gives me what i can only call a Dysphoria Flashback. it makes me think about about how shitty getting misgendered felt when i first came out and was super emotional and raw and self-loathing, and even though i was pre-everything and knew it was illogical to expect any different, it hurt a lot. and if i showed any of that hurt, my mum would say "you just have to put up with it! don't correct people, don't make a fuss!" (i never corrected anyone or said anything, my reaction was limited to Looking Uncomfortable and maybe crying in my room, but that was enough to make my mum start telling me off).

in the last year i recognise things have changed for my mum (i started medically transitioning, she joined a Parents Of Trans Kids facebook group), and she's been way more supportive, and i appreciate that. nowadays, she says stuff like "can't you just tell them briefly?" and i know it's unfair of me to keep thinking stuff like "but you told me i just have to put up with it and never get upset?"

all this to say that i just wish i was braver. i wish i wouldn't freeze up, that instead of just going "haha yeah" i could just say "i'm a guy, but don't worry about it" and laugh it off.

#i'm not Offended it's just awkward #hashtag i have no social skills #personal post #for my therapist

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noxiatoxia · 2 years

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hi its me the dead anon and i would like to share that maybe 2 nights ago i was up rlly late. and i was figuring out what i was going to write back to ur last response to my other ask when i got really tired

in my strange sleep deprived state i was hit with 'inspiration' and opened google docs. within a matter of a couple hours, from 1-2 am, i wrote a pages long fic where kaoru kills himself and hikaru was so upset and made myself cry so hard i passed out.

when i woke up i looked at it and it really wasn't that good?? but at the same time it was and it made me cry again so. theres that. if you were wondering what ive been doing instead of responding

anyway very sorry about dying. ive really wanted to send u asks but ive been stressed out so im not great at coming up with hcs. very uninspired (besides my weird kaoru suicide fic but. yk)

maybe this says something about my current mental state. maybe not. idk

NOOOOOOOOO HAHSJSOKDFJ I SHOULDNT LAUGH BUT THE IDEA YOU WOKE UP FROM A HALF AWAKE DAZE AND WERE LIKE "FUCK I GOTTA WRITE KAORU KILLING HIMSELF" CRIED, THEN PASSED OUT IS SUCH A FUNNY MENTAL IMAGE.

But like I GET IT!!! same shit happens to me. I'm about to sleep but inspo STRIKES and I HAVE to get it on paper. It actually happened last night... Idk if I'll turn the idea into a full fic I'll post but it was a comedic concept nonetheless

The idea of one of the twins dying always kills me bc it's like... SO fucking sad.... the heartbreak is too much for me... i like happy endings... But like, I get it. Sometimes you just gotta write super depressing stuff. I have before.

The idea tho of one of the twins having a nightmare abt the other dying... Oughh. Like some super vivid nighmare that has one of them bolting up in bed panting on the verge of tears, immediately seeking the other twin and hurriedly waking them up to make sure they're still alive.

Like for example, maybe Hikaru waking up a month after Kaoru had his really bad depressive episode that scared the shit out of him. In his nightmare though...things don't have such a happy ending. And Kaoru does what he worried so much about every night in that dream, and he loses his little brother, and it feels so real.

Hikaru wakes up with a really startled jolt and is on the verge of a panic attack. His first immediate course of action is to turn around and nearly shake Kaoru off the bed, panickedly saying his name.

Kaoru of course wakes up sleepy and confused, barely awake as Hikaru begins to squeeze the air out of him with a bear hug. He's mumbling some things Kaoru can't piece together in his tired state, but Kaoru can tell he's really upset...so he just holds Hikaru and sleepily mumbles some reassuring things to him, and it does make Hikaru feel better, just to hear him alive and well...

Also since I'm a sucker for close physical affection between the twins I like to think Hikaru sometimes kisses Kaoru on the cheek. He did it more when they were younger, but he still does it I think under special occasions. I think this would be one of them... He was just so broken up in his dream and it scared him so so badly, so as Kaoru is stroking his hair lazily and sleepily murmuring reassurances to him, Hikaru sniffling as he's trying NOT to burst into tears, he kisses Kaoru on the cheek. Kaoru makes a small confused noise because he isn't expecting it, but he gives Hikaru a kiss back. He basically ends up passing out after that bc he's barely awake as is but Hikaru stays up long after that, holding Kaoru and just listening to his steady, deep breaths and resting heartbeat. Just taking in the fact his brother is still here and alive.

He eventually falls asleep once dawn begins to filter through the curtains.

Also it's okay for not sending asks!!! Life is tough and busy. Your health & happiness is far more important!!! I really love your hikakao and ouran asks in general they are my day's highlight. But I'm here if you just want to send general asks about whatever :) DMs are always open too!

#ILL GET TO UR OTHER ASK A LITTLE LATER I HAVE THOUGHTS ON IT... MUCH TO SAY...#hikakao #ohshc #;noxiatalks2ya

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bunbunsa · 27 days

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Do not worry about the feeling of getting old! Your soul is still young and ready to thrive and enjoy many new things, so go party and have fun. 😉 When it comes to career-related matters—I believe that you ought to give it some time. Don't be impatient. Make sure that you're working towards a change, be it a promotion or a better job, and think about all of the differences it’ll bring into your life. Or you could think of it like a teenager in high school (who do you want to be when you grow up?) and work on your goal with that in mind. We can still have what we want, no matter how pessimistic we may be. It's better to transform this pessimism into realism to help us see what we can start with and how it will go. Now is the best time to plan and prepare for these things. If you believe that your life purpose is different, try new experiences and see what you'll end up with. Take the risk of feeling uncertain for a second. If you’re afraid of it, then start slow. Do everything gradually until you're satisfied. There's no need to rush.

Hello Val, it's me the anon who forgot to leave my nickname xD Thank you for respond me regardless 🤍

You have such a beautiful positivity, I swear I wanna see my life with your eyes or through this perspective... Recently, I felt like some negativity left my soul so I feel more light and it's like most of the heaviness in my heart went away, even if I get sad or too exhausted of life i'm not feeling bad like before. I don't know what is going on lol

You're absolutely right. Thank you for your warm words, i'm tearing up because it's so heart warming 🥺 Like a hug. I can't say I won't worry about this anymore because it's hard for me to not get upset and disappointed about this (career related) but I'll try my best. About my age, I won't be focusing on that either because it bothers me a lot too. So I just have to thank you for understanding how I feel and for welcoming me to your blog. May your life be very blessed, thank you from the bottom of my heart 💜

I'm glad I could do something. That's one of the reasons why I made this account.

I know that I'm young, but I do feel like everything is gone sometimes because I can't go back to when I was younger and start over to do things I dreamed of. I just try to stay positive when things are not as I want them to be and remind myself that there are ways to actually achieve my dreams even now because there are people who did it. I genuinely don't ever want to lose hope.

Thank you for reaching out to me. I hope all will be well for you. 🤍

#feedback

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talesofateenagedramaqueen · 2 months

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feb. 23, 2024

okay I had to ask for the date, that's the only reason it's accurate this time. "oh, why don't you just look at your phone?" because I never think to. maybe its weaponized incompetence idk, but I'm not a 30 man baby married to a woman who might as well be his mommy so is that a legitimate worry to have? I'm a shitty writer but no one is reading this except me. Dammit, why do I have a perfectionist streak if I can't even make it work for me.

my neuroses have neuroses.

it's never going to be my year. sometimes I don't think I can even make something my day. maybe I just gotta....live in the moment. damn cliches, most of them wind up being true. it's so cheesy! but the time of person I am, I'm going to worry about something and then become so worried that I my fight or flight instinct comes in (which is so totally unfair because my trauma is like, as mundane as it can get, and I don't mean that in a self depreciative sort of way, it's very true) and I either choose flight or freeze. the only people I fight with are usually people who don't even deserve it.

I'm a little lost puppy and I feel older in a jaded way but I also feel younger than my peers. but most of my peers aren't even living lives that I feel jealous of so WHY DO I CARE. I care abbot things that don't matter and then that leaves no space for things that actually do.

I need to move out and start over. get away from living with my parents in this same old town, because I feel so much better when I'm away from it all.

though, it doesn't count...if I'm with my family... it's not entirely their fault but dammit, its not entirely mine either. I'm not a bad person I'm just also not a very good one. to quote my own mother, "I suck at life." to quote myself, I'm just "a bit unfortunate."

I need to stop explaining myself to people. and myself. I actually have no clue why I do it in the first place. maybe the insatiable need to be liked? I am a Leo after all. but I'm also unique and hyper independent. do I be myself all the time? kind of. we should all strive to be ourselves, but a better version. what does the better version of myself look like?

hah, look at me, using a Tumblr blog as a journal, trying to be "cool" instead of "edgy and unique". I'm holding too tightly to the past but I don't NEED to let it go. just, allow more space for the present and future.

okay, here comes the really fun part: the venting. love this for me, I'm letting the anger flow in and then flow out again. I'm a fire sign, and more importantly, I'm a miller. the anger comes in quick bursts of flames and then dies down. I don't want to be the type of person to hold onto grudges and bottle everything up. there has to be an appropriate outlet for it. well, journaling of course. maybe angry music? do I write it myself? sing it out loud? I guess all of the above works.

(btw, what's the word limit on this? I've been going on for like, a while. if it cuts me off I'll be so upset. and then ill remember that I refuse to read this back anyways so its like, actually not a big deal. how do I validate other people's emotions when they like, trigger me? man, maybe I just have to step away from the moderator role. seriously, when has it done me any good? I value loyalty more, but I also value kindness. ugh, everything requires balance and my whole being like, physically and spiritually rejects it.)

like sorry g but I'm not a shit talker and its unfair that u expect me to be. it's unfair of me to invalidate ur feelings, but does that count for every time? u take it as me being holier than thou and invalidating but not every person u shit talk has actually wronged you. tho, I suppose its on me to know the difference and respond accordingly. I refuse to feel guilty anymore, living in the moment you know? next time I'll take a minute and think. I may not be good at it at first but I'll make a effort and that has to be enough bc its all I have to give.

and why was last night so awkward! I guess she gave me the same energy I give her but she's the one with that problem! I don't care that she was more subdued but apparently she hates it when its her which means...she hates it when I do it. but I don't mind either way! like sorry, but my depression isn't about you and your depression isn't about me. I at least realize that. and god fucking dammit but I wish everyone would realize that I'm sad and I'm fucking trying, I try so hard every day. living as I am is the most uncomfortable feeling. like a constant headache, or persistent nausea. you know when you're having a really bad day? well every god damn day is a bad day for me. I don't get good ones, only good moments and then the rest suck. "your mental illness is your own problem to deal with" yeah and I don't make it anyone else's problem except my own! and my parents... but come the fuck on, no I don't want to go to the bars. I don't want to do anything, you're so right, its bc I'm SAD!!!! depression makes you a buzzkill, who would have thought. be grateful I'm still kicking, bc if I had the capacity to Kermit I would have ages ago! I wish I had to guts to sometimes. I don't, probably never will, and its kind of fucked up that if I were sadder part of me would feel better. what if I just gave up entirely? I'm capable of giving up even more, I assure you.

ugh, this is mentally exhausting. I think that's enough for one day.

peace out <3

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