#and it's even more unhinged when you send them to my inbox i don't like that at all so stop doing that

[whoishotteranimepolls]

Poll analysis part 3

Well I haven't done one of these in a while because I've been focusing on the nicknames and funny tags post But we are definitely due for another one because I've definitely noticed a change and behavior. Plus we've had a lot more and fandoms requested so that might be a contributing factor.

Let's start with the unhinged trio. Think we're due for a lineup change there. It used to be JJK, Black Butler and Dorohedoro. However the latter two only go crazy over a certain character.

Jujutsu Kaisen definitely still deserves its spot There's a reason I picked them to be the first fandom to get a Nicknames and funny tags post in fact they need an update Desperately because you guys are still up to your same old unhinged antics. I've just been busy with other fandoms (one piece) that say even more outrageous crap in the comments

Now One Piece I think you guys took that nickname and funny tag post as a challenge to be as unhinged and creative with your tags as possible because every time I think you all can't possibly get any worse. Someone puts a tag that's even crazier and now I have to update that post with more tags and new characters again.

Now the third spot of the unhinged trio should probably go to Trigun because you guys can't stop talking about Wolfwood's slutty Catholic titties and Vash's snatched little slutty waist. Plus someone has sent a match up request of their weapons no less than three times even though the rules plainly state no weapons so I think we definitely qualify for unhedged trio territory.

My Hero Academia You guys only showed up for the bunny girl and I get it. She's hot. Or to crap on endeavor, that's about it.

Attack on Titan. I finally have found proof of life. The fandom might be in a coma, but at least there's a pulse I thought that fandom was dead but someone or group of people is sending in quite a few requests for that fandom.

And now on to Naruto my problem child fandom. I am not kidding You're the fandom that refuses us to send in photos, but will throw a tantrum if it's not the photo from the correct era of the anime even though I have no clue what you're talking about. Normally when people don't like the photo with any other fandom a dozen better photos of the character will randomly appear in my inbox. Not with the Naruto fandom. I get 10 hate messages saying it's from the wrong era of the anime and I should know that. But does anyone send me a better photo from the correct era of the anime? No. Well actually that's not entirely true the a few times this fandom has sent in replacement photos it's from when in the anime I know the characters are still 14 I've done way too much research into when in canon characters turn 16 and what particular character design/outfit marks that in the timeline for this particular show because of how much I feel like I can't trust this particular fandom as a whole to follow rules. So, remember people I can't read your mind and you are the only fandom that wants to throw a fit over photos like this. Plus the few times I have tried to address the issues with the photos and try to fix the problem you guys want to get combative and very aggressive in the comments. Plus I swear you all are allergic to rules because at least 70% to 80% of requests relating to your fandom have some sort of issue. Whether it's trying to bend the rules or just outright breaking them to massive formatting problems. No other fandom causes me this many headaches. So please for the sake of my sanity do better

Sorry about that. I needed to rant about my problem child fandom maybe now they will start behaving.

When it comes to formatting there is a group of about three people that made requests either everyday or every 2 to 3 days and it was the max amount of request/matchups they could do in a single day according to the rules. They did this the entire time the box was open so they had their formatting down to a science. So basically any fandom that these people requested a lot of had really good track records for formatting and not trying to blatantly break the rules. So One Piece, JoJo's, Attack on Titan and Avatar/Korra all have very good track records right now

But with most fandoms they do a pretty good job of following the rules. No one is as bad as Naruto. Now there are some common issues and major incidents I've had so I'll go ahead and list them below

The common issues are just forgetting to put the name of the show or spelling, but Google can normally figure that out so that's not a major problem or people submitting a character that is video game only and not part of the anime adaptation. Persona, pokémon and Tekken are The worst offenders when it comes to this. Other major issues that come up frequently are with character ages? But it's normally with characters that look like they're adults. So I really don't hold that against people. I'm just guessing that people didn't realize they're actually teenagers but hopefully that will not be as much of a problem but since I dropped the age down to 16.

Now recent issues I've had to address were formatting issues where it was bad enough that I couldn't make it out due to dyslexia. Trigun has tried to submit weapons no less than three times even though that is blatantly against the rules. Like I mentioned earlier Naruto likes to submit photos from when the characters are 12 to 14 that doesn't fit the rules especially when photos are available from the correct age range that do follow the rules. So those are the ones I use no matter how many times they throw temper tantrums. Dungeon Meshi has submitted a 14-year-old and Soul Eater submitted a 13-year-old and said they were 16 in the request. So they lied. Luckily someone told me so I was able to delete those polls quite quickly, but now I can't trust anyone. So if you ever wonder why it takes so long for me to empty out the request box this is why

Oh but good news, no one has submitted a request since I've closed the box I basically consider that a miracle because the last two times there have been people that have not cared that the box is closed. So let's keep it that way please. I don't mind questions, just no requests. The box is closed I still have like 150 more individual messages that have multiple poll requests on them to get through before I open it again

Well that's going to be all for this post again. And I hope at least someone found this entertaining or informative or at least something. There will probably be another one of these in the future

#poll analysis #fandom trends #not a poll

[lu-lus-duckies]

Hi, here's about me and some questions you might have!

Updated: april 24th 2024

MINORS DNI please

Important!! Please don't use real money to do things for me in any capacity. It makes me uneasy, uncomfortable and puts a lot of pressure on me. Thank you for your understanding <3

Who are you?

@ nunalastor's emotional support white boy™

People just call me lulu on here.

I'm 20 and go by any pronouns. AFAB (and cis). my gender is whatever makes you gay. somewhere on the ace spectrum.

Also CEO of forcing people to get some fucking sleep!

Important: I can not and will not take anything seriously, if you want to say something serious to me, send me a DM, I'm more likely to respond seriously there

tags (will not sort these out at all):

lulu is delulu - my posts

babygirl anon fest - asks specifically from babygirl

revoke lulu's art license - my art stuff

nunwhiskers - the ship of nunalastor x huskers-bar

lulu is feral - reblogs where I am feral

lulus nun reblogs - I just tend to reblog everything of nunalastors so it's a tag now

lulu reblogs - art/theories/incorrect quotes ect

lulu convos - me interracting with peeps here

lulu crooks - going into detail about things i shouldn't be going into detail of. (maybe infodumping)

cursed polycule - me and the 100+ husbands/wives interracting (xxx-angie list in their pinned)

lulu asks - me answering asks

this is a nunalastor simp blog - anytime I openly bark for nunalastor

lulu lore - me accidentally dropping irl lulu lore

lulu fun facts - exactly what it says

lulu polls - polls

lulu is a boomer - me not knowing basic pop culture things cuz I live under a rock

lulu loves nunalastorscursedkitten / and paincaat too / lulu loves paincaat / and nunalastorscursedkitten too - my interractions with @ paincaat / @ nunalastorscursedkitten

lulu loves getting called slurs - me getting called the f-word

lulu infodumps - infodumps about stuff that might not always be hazbin hotel

who is safe here?

everyone except minors. I don't judge. This is a safe space regardless of race, gender, sexuality or anything else. Be as cringe/not cringe as you want

What is this blog?

Used to be a hazbin blog, now turned to me simping for daddy nunalastor and interracting with the cursed polycule

What can I ask or share with you?

Literally anything you want to share, no limits. I respond to everything, even hate so if I haven't responded I'm either asleep or the message didn't appear in my inbox.

One thing I don't respond to is chain sends cuz I can't be bothered with that shit. Anything else is a yes

What's with the bad English?

English is my second language. I pride myself on being able to read it fluently, but I might have problems with talking in a way that flows naturally to native speakers. So sorry bout that

What time are you active?

Honestly, all over the place. Don't look too much into it, but I'm from the country of Georgia if that helps

Can I use your ideas?

Absolutely! You don't even need to ask. I won't say this is a necessity, but If you decide to use them, I'd love it if you'd tag me. I love seeing all kinds of things people make and I'd love to see yours too!

Why are you so unhinged and sexual? Aren't you ace?

Asexuals aren't all sex-repulssed and can enjoy it too. I am uncomfy with the act of sex but I love joking and shitting about it. Me saying something is hot/sexy/makes my dick hard is just me saying "I love this and i think it's cool" when that isn't enough to express my love. (I think I'm being funny)

Is the art on nunalastor's blog you sometimes repost yours?

Yes, the art posted on their asks by mylz-flick is by me. It's my primary blog and i don't use it for anything so all my asks are submitted through there

Why don't you post as often anymore?

Because all my posts go straight to nunalastor's blog. Go check them out, it's great

By nunalastor s request:

Who hurt you?

Nunalastor did when they rizzed up my mom

What's with the worms? That's disgusting

Well, nunalastor made this post and it turned me on a little ngl

What is the cursed polycule?

Well, I spontaneously decided that my go to funny (not funny) joke would be to start asking everyone who agreed with me or had similar tastes to kiss me. Long story short, now I'm a whore™ with 100+ husbands that I can't keep track of and that's the cursed polycule

Why do you keep calling nunalastor daddy?

Many reasons. First, Nunalastor saying they would fuck my mom in the DMs when I told them about her. So naturally, if my mom and nunalastor got married they would be the dad hence, daddy. Also, nunalastor is unapologetically my favourite blog on here and the title "daddy" is reserved for them. Also their word is law to me and they deserve the respectful title

The way you interract with minors is disgusting

I have minors please don't interract in my bio for a reason. I expect a decent human being to see that and kindly leave my blog. I don't check who I'm responding to most of the time so I probably didn't even notice it was a minor. I'm just trying to be fun.

If you are a minor and I responded/reblogged your art or post with some batshit crazy shenanigans like I do with everyone, send me a DM and I'll delete it. I'd rather it be in the DMs instead of out in public because out here I have people acting like they hate me and I don't want to accidentally take something that's meant to be a serious request to stop like a joke.

What's with that one pregnant anon stuff at nunalastors blog?

Listen, I don't care what shit people send me, but if you even dare harm, harass or just in general be an asshole to the ones I consider nice people, I will not take that lightly.

To everyone: if you get haters, tag me so I can draw them pregnant.

Is the cursed polycule an actual relationship or just a joke?

It's just a joke between us.

Can I join the polycule?

Daddy has revoked my marriage license so you'll have to consult with the other members. I take what daddy demands very seriously

You can however, talk to the other members of the polycule and join. We could also have a platonic relationship going on in the polycule if you want

What is up with you and pronouns?

Sorry, in my native language there are no gendered pronouns. We just have a singular he/she/they for everyone. I use he/him for me (despite being a woman) because it's what rolls off the tongue easier for me. For everyone else I use they/them because you can never go wrong with neutral.

Are you actually attracted to nunalastor?

Honestly, the only time I've experienced attraction (i think? Still unsure if it was that) was with one girl at my uni and the feeling I have for nunalastor is very similar. It's not the exact kinda feeling but I have a very strong desire to make them proud. Not sure exactly what it is but no, I don't want to actually fuck them and I don't want to kiss them either. That seems gross. I do however wanna hold their hand and recieve headpats from them. Idk just know me as the nunalastor simp, that's easier to explain.

(and yes both mods)

Why do you keep mentioning nunalastor calling you the f-word?

Because I genuinely /gen /srs loved it. This isn't a joke. It made me overstimmed and honestly was a little overwhelmed with giddiness. keep in mind though, that while I enjoy getting called the slur, I will not be calling anyone that because that makes me uncomfy.

#lulu is delulu #revoke lulu's art license #babygirl anon fest #lulu is feral #lulu reblogs #lulus nun reblogs #lulu convos #cursed polycule #lulu asks #this is a nunalastor simp blog #lulu lore #nunwhiskers #lulu crooks #lulu fun facts #lulu polls #lulu loves nunalastorscursedkitten #and paincaat too #lulu loves paincaat #and nunalastorscursedkitten too #lulu infodumps #lulu loves getting called slurs

[winterbonesthings]

Hey, I'm that keysmashing frothing at the mouth commenter from ao3... I just wanted to tell you again how amazing your works are. And I wanna give you a follow to see some more Winterbaron brainrot hopefully.

AAAAAAAAA! I legit squealed seeing your ask in my inbox! Hello! I adore you already, you've been absolutely fantastic!

Thank you so much for coming to visit my blog! It's really about nothing at all, and every little passing whim that goes through my head in queue, lol.

You'll also always find my latest work pinned at the top of my page, like the one I posted just past midnight last night. I usually post around midnight to 4 am, then schedule it to reblog at 3, 6, 9, noon, then 3, 6, 9, midnight that day. #Hi, and #I'm the problem it's me, are my personal and writing tags, because Taylor Swift's album Midnights was just right for what I've been posting.

Winterbaron and pictures of Frank Grillo are my current brainrot, and I've been considering submitting myself to the mortifying ordeal of being known by actually posting some of my own random thoughts on topics, but mostly my brainrot is limited to tags currently, when I remember to add them.

(I'm shy in general so it's hard for me to say all the unhinged things I think, even online.)

@zsparz, and @six-demon-bag are two fun and friendly folks that I can remember off the top of my head who share the brainrot, and @emptymidnight does amazing art!

As for HTP flavors and folks who have Frank Grillo/Rumlow on the mind, may I introduce you to @ex0rin, who is absolutely the reason I got my own ao3, @5ummit, who has amazing metas and gifs, and @the-ravening who is very kind!

Always feel free to send me asks or message me privately. I've been wanting someone to talk about my stories with, and I'm more willing to do that here, because I won't be spoiling anything for folks who don't want spoilers like I would be in the comments of the fics themselves.

AAAAAAAAA! I'm so excited you're here!!

#hi #i'm the problem it's me #im gonna shut up now #before i talk in circles and this becomes something i have to put under a readmore #winterbones #winterbaron #tumblr mutuals and friends #my asks

[sorcerous-caress]

I'm glad you liked the voice claim! I'm tied on making another with Issal with her more unhinged tones and writing more of her lore down. (Did my first ask send about her come through correctly, or did tumblr eat it? It's been happening to me after I updated the mobile app.)

You are good at finding voices that match characters! You even picked Sol's voice for me and I'm grateful bc I don't think I would've found a fitting one.

And hell yeah, do tell me more about Isaal and her voice claims. I am curious about her interactions with Khal'ian too!

Thankfully, it didn't get eaten, I've just only reached it now - ngl dude, my inbox is a mess at times. No matter how many asks I reply to per day, I always end up with more than I started with. So it takes a while for me to eventually answer them, it's random at times.

Tho don't think if this as discouragement to send stuff! I can manage my time well and I like when people send me stuff. It will just take a while to answer them all.

#♡Githzerai anon

[hopeswriting]

hi, byakuwan here (again) - have you ever thought about an arcobaleno/vongola guardians roleswap AU?

hey there! (oh don't even worry about it, you can drop in my inbox as often as you want. 🥰)

i can’t say i have! i wrote a post once about the arco as tsuna’s guardians, and i have a role swap au wip, but this specific role swap never crossed my mind before. i think it’s a super fun one tho!

so like, do we swap everything? including their ages? because the idea of kid!arco--middle schoolers!arco is really sending me lmao. it’s like, the absolute mayhem that is sure to come with that, you know? just eight unhinged, feral little menaces of gremlins children, running around and causing problems to everyone but them wherever they go, and never feeling sorry or doing anything about it. AND killing people, we can’t forget the killing.

because they’d be all mafia too, right? WAIT NO them being civilians too at first, and still already being little menaces à la hibari would make this so much funnier actually. and THEN when the mafia stuff comes around they like, Do Not blink at it. are on board with it instantly. and not even because they get to kill people, tho they definitely thought about killing people before, but like. GUNS. cool suits. cool rings. MONEY. being above the law. RAINBOW COLORED MAGICAL FLAMES. and getting to rule over the mafia worldwide too they guess.

(they absolutely Do Not realize what they’re getting into when they instantly agree to it, but do they care? they don’t.)

on that note i think they’d totally be on board with inheriting vongola too. except, like. they’d want to, but wouldn’t actually be interested in it, if you know what i mean. like, they couldn’t care less about ruling, but you goddamn bet they do want to be rulers, and, of course, they make it vongola’s problems entirely lol.

AND THE WHOLE VARIA ARC DEBACLE OMG ZSFDGBDSDF!!! okay listen, listen, they’d cheat right back so blatantly and unapologetically, and without an ounce of shame. they’d just play so dirty too, they wouldn’t give a shit about the rules or cervello or whatnot. and like, these middle schoolers? i can believe they win against an elite team of hitmen without undermining said elite team of hitmen’s skills.

AND NOT NONO SURVIVING THE WHOLE THING WITHIN AN INCH OF HIS LIFE IN THIS AU LMAO. and the arco still cannot make themselves care about it. skull just wants his cool robot to work again so he can keep tearing into it. xanxus regrets all of his life choices. NONO regrets all of his life choices. the arco are having so much fun, hell yes.

but ahem, yeah, so that was about guardians!arco lol. arco!10th gen is just as much fun to think about tho!

like, how does it work? does the whole curse thing goes smoother or worse? do they fall apart after the curse too, were they closer before it happened? how do they cope with it, if at all? oh yeah and also! what are they even the strongest/greatest of?

okay but about them coping (or not) with the curse tho. idk why but i feel like they’d generally be better at it than the canon!arco. tsuna tho? he just snaps. and i’m not sure why i’m so certain about it, but he definitely Does Not take the curse well. at all. he’s so angry about it, it’s just the last straw, and then his lack of coping afterwards is ugly and ruthless. i really don’t know why, but i just feel like tsuna would be mammon in this scenario, just relentlessly doing everything he can to free himself from the curse.

but on a more lighthearted note, i feel like tsuna at the very least wouldn’t have purposefully tried to become one of the strongest, you know? honestly he couldn’t care less about it, but it just still kind of happens entirely despite his best efforts to keep living a quiet and peaceful life, and THEN he gets fucking cursed because of it?? i just think it’s hilarious that even with this role swap, tsuna still Did Not Want, Did Not Fucking Ask and is So Fucking Done with everything that’s happening to him lmao.

and then he hunts kawahira down for sports, as a treat.

(okay but also, who do you think become vongola decimo and the arco tutor in this scenario??)

#katekyo hitman reborn #khr #khr asks #khr arcobaleno #vongola tenth gen #sawada tsunayoshi #khr au #role swap au #Anonymous #byakuwan

[the-doomed-witch]

7h30?? I sent this.. like.. 01h30 for you or something :o. I think. I don't know. Hahaha

So, maybe I was a little grogue from my migraine pill when I wrote 🐰🐈, it was definitely between allucination and just a random pair. 😬

I think normal people write like you do 😅. I write stories that I have been daydreaming for a few days and need to take it out of my brain before I lose my mind due to overfixation - therapist's suggestion. I don't write just because is a good plot.

When I have this good ideas, I usually sent a anon ask for some real writer I like :x. Like I did you 🤭.

Yeah! I am just waiting for some opportunities at work. I think next year I am gonna be able to do it: a teacher is moving out of the city, so there is a spot left and I am the first one in the line up.. (I might have a few witchcraft candles light for it)🤭

Butterflies kisses are like... the epitome of Fluff. I am very much a sucker for it and actively ask my special someone for it without shame 😌

Let's get a smutty anatomical prompt this time, tho.... uhmm 🤔 *pretends to be thinking*

This one is a little bigger. Please Google " anterior superior iliac spine surface anatomy" and now let's place a hickey 1 cm inwards ***teaser heaven***

. . 🪶 (Fanning herself two dots)

(This one I sent 7h51 pm for you)

all i know is india is 8.5 hours ahead of brazil😭

PLEASE I’M STILL WHEEZING 😭😭 bunny and french cat sounds legit cute tho

that’s very interesting. i daydream a lot but it’s too crazy and unhinged and dirty to be written and read by lots of people on a platform lmao 😭🫣 well honestly speaking your ideas are really good, plus there’s the anatomical knowledge as an advantage for you 😙

GOOD LUCK ON GETTING THE JOB! i hope you get it *lights up a few more witchcraft candles* 🖤🖤

oooooo that’s so cute 🥺😩 for me the most extreme fluffy thing someone could do for me would be hands on my cheeks or cheek kisses. i love giving them too! 🥺🥺🥺 cries in touch starved and awfully single

okay i just googled that and ohmygosh anon don’t do this to me rn. screaming crying punching the walls laying down on the floor pulling my hair etc 😭😭 i’m a little insecure when it comes to my thighs but to have someone who makes me feel comfortable about them and- i need to stop hdjgshgsj

that’s very close !!!! it was sent at about 7:21PM (and i KNOW i’m answering 24h later but i’ll elaborate in a minute)

so this is what happens :

i see your ask early in the morning (no matter when somebody sends it, i usually see my inbox like a newsletter😭) by early morning i mean as early as 6:30AM.

i sit down to answer it at about 10:30AM (because i’m busy till like 10:00AM) and as soon as i do so, somehow my parents manage to call me for some work.

i keep the half answered ask as a draft and it never crosses my mind till the evening or the next morning (because ✨ADHD✨)

so that’s that. *in tony stark’s voice* it’s the goddamn mental illness again!

#skye answers #anon ★ #. . anon <3

[piqued-curiosity]

Not the same anon, but -

Do you even know these women? Or are you just doubling down to defend lesbians you don't even know, because you're certain that by mere virtue of being lesbians they're morally superior and worthy of compassion than any "semen-brained parasites"? Isn't that just biphobia? Are you, despite evidence of their behavior even within just today, just assuming they've got good amazing reasons, and that their bisexual targets just deserve it? If your reaction to their behavior tonight is just compassion and doubling down on supporting them despite "disagreeing" with them...

It's been alluded to several times tonight - by them bragging about it - but several of those women have been involved in a harassment campaign in sending me taunts, accusations that I'm lying, and suicide bait about my CSA since fucking January. They're harassed several of my friends, often sending them sexually charged messages. Are you really saying this is compassion-worthy behavior on their part and just "harmless hurt feelings" on ours? You don't think it's a large part of a culture that devalues bi rape victims? If you can't even condemn people that willingly go through with this sort of absolutely off-the wall unhinged behavior then... I really just don't know. Literally how is this compassion-worthy behavior?

FWIW I don't think anyone wants anything from you except maybe a direct "Hey - that's actually super misogynistic and fucked up, and I'm not going to let you use me and my posts so spread disgusting things like that around" addressed to some of these people in the future. A simple declaration that they've crossed a line and you won't abide that behavior on moral grounds. Coz... if you just say you disagree with someone but that you'll still support them no matter what and that the bihets need to get over their hurt feefees... you're actually just encouraging them lol.

I won't message you again, promise, since it looks like you're flustered about this many messages. But again please don't think we don't receive our inboxes getting blown up; like the other anon said, just because you don't see it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Again FWIW I hope people don't send you too much more since you're not even the one saying this stuff. I just thought if you're going to double down on how compassion-worthy they are you should actually know some of their past behavior :\

I only know one or two who I’ve briefly spoken with about these things.

It seems like you’re assuming I’m treating lesbians like perfect morally righteous angels, instead of actually reading what I’m saying. Which is that lesbians are fucking exhausted from the homophobia we’ve received from the bi community, especially in recent years, that has caused real damage to our community. So I understand that some lesbians have decided to express their anger at this in unfavourable ways.

Never have I said that the targets of these comments deserve it. I don’t believe that.

I have not been following the comments that closely… I’ve just been taking glances and answering asks when I’m procrastinating throughout the day. I was not aware of everything you’ve just mentioned, and don’t want it to seem as though I was defending that. And I’m sorry that you had to go through all of it.

I will keep that in mind for the future. Right now, I think it’s useless to go through the reblogs and tell these women they’ve crossed a line because I know most have seen my responses to these asks. They know where I stand and I think reblogging those posts to restate what I’ve already said would just look performative.

#asks #anon

[klirk-hammurton]

Holy Shit ya'll......159 followers in just a few months???? I am genuinely honored by this. You have no idea. There are so many great and amazing people/bloggers I have met here and became friends with so I would like to give them all a shout out.

@thayerslayer you were one of the first KISS blogs I came across and ever interacted with. Kat, you're so sweet and amazing and I would give you the world my friend.

@ericcarrwhatafox I remember when you very first embraced me into the KISSblr community. You've always been so sweet and kind, Becc. The interactions between you and Kat always melted my heart.

@kissmaidens-blog Kylie my dear, I am so happy we've become friends and mutuals. Seeing you pop up in my notifs always makes my day. You're always so sweet and kind to me and others.

@to-the-stars-and-forward BESTIE!!!!!!! To think.....Gene Simmons is what brought us together. Rabs, I don't know what I would do without you. Your content in the KISScord server always kills me, but it always makes me smile.

@you-were-just-a-dream MY OTHER BESTIE!!!!! Saturn....oh my lord how I love you my dear. I'm so happy to call you bestie as well as friend. You've been so kind to me since day 1 on here.

@doodoostinky Sloane, we really should interact more ❤❤❤ I love your content AND YOURE SO FREAKING TALENTED WITH A PEN!!!!! You're sweet, kind, and so generous. I'm more than proud to call you my friend.

@your-local-rockstar-simp Ava!!! I absolutely adore our friendship. Your requests never cease to amuse me, but I live for them. The thirst between us is utterly hilarious, but I love it. You're also incredibly sweet and kind beyond words. I'm so glad we're friends

@blutandbone we really should interact more!!!! But you've always been very nice to me and others.

@its-forks I'm so glad you started the KISScord server as well as pioneered the #KISSblr tag. I hope we get to interact more together my friend

@miasmatically @kisspits I enjoy the interactions we have and look forward to plenty more to come. My inbox and ask box are always open.

@jack-spawn you are so sweet and absolutely awesome! I love the interactions we have, especially so that you have exposed me to new music. I think it's really cool. You're also so kind and thoughtful as well.

@vinces-live-wire Kayla, omg where do I start? It was an instant connection between us and I cherish it so. You're sweet, kind, funny. Your posts always bring a smile to my face and seeing you in my notifs makes me smile even more. You're an awesome person and om glad to call you my friend

@katiegameplays though we're still getting to know each other, I wanted to say I enjoy our interactions thus far. You are such an amazing friend, especially to Kayla. You two are tow peas in a pod and ya'll both always make me smile.

@wonhakwoon though we may be on completely different sides of the globe, I'm honored to call you my friend. You're a really awesome person with an awesome taste in music. Our interactions together always make me laugh and giggle and I love it. You're never completely alone in this mess of a world ❤

@songbirds-sweet Cassie, you are so genuine and sweet. I know i probably flood your notifs a lot, but that's what happens when you become friends with me 😅😅😅 I become your hype man. I will tag you weirdest and funniest shit. I'm happy to be your friend and look forward to so many years to come of our friendship.

@kirk-dammnitt Sophia, oh my god. Our degenerate and unhinged thirsting we share is priceless. You were so shy to be blunt and open and it was the funniest and sweetest thing. Now look at us 😂😂😂 you're so kind and sweet, but your degenerate and unhinged side is a hot mess that I live for. You always know how to make my day and I always seem to send you thrust material at the worst possible time.

@thatnerdwriter @dedicatedtopapahet even though we are still getting acquainted with each other, I'm happy to have you as a mutual and a friend, Kate. I'm looking forward to see where time takes us and our friendship.

If I didn't tag you, it's nothing personal. There's just so many amazing people I have come across and befriended that it's sometimes hard to keep track of everyone. I am eternally grateful to each and wvery single one of you. You have no idea how precious our friendships are to me. I enjoy every moment we have on here and our discord communities. You all have become family no matter how close or how far we may be, we are still family.

#guys....I'm genuinely emotional and touched #i NEVER expected to get this level of love and support #my demon layer blog all started out as a joke and hyperfixation i thought would die out but here i am all these months later #im still a thirsty ass demon entertaining you all with my shenanigans #i want to give each and every one of you the biggest hug

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [okay so we said that JJ have gone to get the PE shit and are casually having a 🚬 and the teacher is like go see what the hold up is and Ella volunteers cos 1000% that bitch and she of course starts a vague rumour about them being saucy with it] Janis: are the boys saying shit Jimmy: what kind of question's that? Janis: fuck's sake Janis: right, how do you wanna deal from your end Janis: 'cos you can say shit or you can slag me off like you'd never, either way, your move, new boy Jimmy: how do you want me to? Jimmy: I could give a shit what gets said about me Janis: alright, just say nothing then Janis: I'll deck her Jimmy: 👍 Janis: hardly Jimmy: nowt close to a challenge my end Jimmy: and it ain't like you'll have one flooring her Janis: still can't get her to take it back Janis: have to force feed her or some shit for that Jimmy: and what? you've got a missus waiting at home that'll be 💔 you were at it with someone else in the sport's cupboard? Janis: Fuck off Janis: if I've got to explain sexism to you then cba Janis: no one's chatting shit on your name like they are mine Jimmy: I bet lasses are, 'cause I shouldn't have touched you with a barge pole or some bollocks Jimmy: hang on, I'll check Jimmy: [DMs] Janis: and what? Janis: I didn't start it, take it up with Blondie Jimmy: I don't care what any dickhead in this shithole reckons, it's your problem if you do Jimmy: that's what Janis: Don't need your groundbreaking hot take to know that, tah Jimmy: stop whinging at me then, tah Janis: I ain't, do one Janis: I was checking you weren't making it worse for me, that's it Jimmy: job done Jimmy: and there'll be a new #scandal tomorrow so no need to check in with me again Janis: you reckon, new boy? Janis: you'll be lucky if another kid joins before you leave yourself Jimmy: I'll be leaving myself soon as Jimmy: you'll be lucky if it ain't you and 👑💀 stuck doing the project Janis: mistaking me for the bitch that cares about her A Jimmy: nah, I weren't Jimmy: the 😎 ain't prescription Janis: i'd get her to spread that it is Janis: don't wanna shout about how that look is a choice Jimmy: you ain't that bad that I feel the need, looks wise at least Janis: great Jimmy: any road, my brother's deaf, if I start spreading that shit about they'll be asking my sister if she's got a fake leg or some bollocks Jimmy: be a bit rude to her Janis: I'm not gonna chat shit on your unfortunate genetics, don't worry Janis: can't rival mine anyway Jimmy: @iantaylor8 if you wanna have a go Janis: unless he has his own law firm, I'm not bothered Jimmy: 💔 for him Janis: obviously, we had a great time amongst the unwashed bibs and muddy footballs Jimmy: surprised she could get the door open Jimmy: 💀💪 Janis: got that burst of adrenaline knowing she'd get extra treats from her master for it Janis: could've been in there alone, obviously helps other people give more of a fuck that it was you Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: so yeah, it is your fault, cheers Jimmy: didn't send myself or force you to have that 🚬 off me, mate Janis: not my go-to defense story Janis: crying rape might seem kinda cute but I'm alright Jimmy: funny Jimmy: you ain't that cute I NEED to fuck you mid P.E Janis: oh no Janis: let me go cry into the nearest 🏀 Jimmy: the mats would be a better shout, they've managed all that 💦 Janis: oh yeah, bring up the mats Janis: not heard enough about what a romantic setting they are Jimmy: soz, next time I'll assault you in the 🚽 Janis: even better Janis: I'll just stay in there and set up shop Jimmy: 💕 Janis: should've picked an option with a racket Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: work too, fair heft behind that Jimmy: bit of class an' all Jimmy: rich girl won't have nowt to whinge about Janis: 'cos I've proved well classy Jimmy: will do with a full orchestra behind your rampage Janis: I'll find a music nerd in these DMs Jimmy: 🥇💡 Janis: beats Mia suing me 'cos I killed her girlfriend Jimmy: another'd spawn from Mia's rib or some bollocks Jimmy: she'd be alright Jimmy: if she don't regurgitate one like a 🐍 jaw unhinged Janis: 🐑 don't baa on the way out, new boy Janis: ask my sister Jimmy: You're alright, I'd rather not talk to her Janis: wow Janis: same Jimmy: 😱😱😱 OMG Jimmy: no wonder every dickhead thinks we're love's young dream Janis: yeah, she's SUCH a delight, everyone else 💘s her Jimmy: obvs Janis: you're new, so I'll let you off for not being up enough on the gossip this once Jimmy: tah Jimmy: so generous, you Janis: apparently so Jimmy: go on, what do you want me to do Janis: ? Jimmy: you're that 💔 Janis: you can't do fuck all Janis: even if I were Jimmy: Why can't I? Janis: what's to do Janis: they chat shit 'cos they got none of their own Janis: none as interesting as what they wanna gob off about anyway Jimmy: I dunno, that's why I asked Jimmy: but alright Janis: just forget about it 'til they do, like you said Jimmy: nowt to bother remembering Janis: not a diss, just factual so Janis: yeah Jimmy: bet Ella counts her 🚬 Janis: easier habit to hide when you have to brush your teeth at least ten times a day Jimmy: got something else to blame when they go yellow and fall out an' all Janis: set of falsies is the way to go Janis: off and on again whenever you need to purge Janis: I'll float it Jimmy: shame she don't do lads Jimmy: that's a kink right there Janis: she definitely does Janis: that's why this is bullshit Janis: does whatever 💀👑 needs her to Jimmy: I'll live without hearing about them threesomes Janis: grim Jimmy: they still ain't welcome up north Janis: 💔 how will they cope Jimmy: idk idc obvs babes Janis: 🤮🤮🤮 Jimmy: go ahead and spread that about as your official ™ reaction to my 😘 Janis: no one cares if you were good, new boy Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: that'll be why my inbox is full Janis: your inbox is full because a. people think you're good as is b. they wanna know if I am Jimmy: if they reckon I'm good they care enough to have thought about it Janis: alright, they're well concerned Janis: if you need 'em to be Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: you ain't concerned about what I do or don't need Janis: nah, I'm not Janis: just a weird hill to live and die on Jimmy: would be if it were the one I were on Janis: 👍 Janis: just saying, no one is concerning themselves if I had a good time or not Jimmy: I heard you Janis: alright Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: later Janis: [actually later, like a lesson or so whatever] Janis: do you know George Daley? Jimmy: Why? Janis: 'cos I wanna know if he's telling the truth or not Jimmy: about what? Janis: apparently you told him loads of extra details he was loudly telling his mates Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: new boy, remember Janis: he's not also saying you're best friends Jimmy: I'm saying I've said nowt Jimmy: piss off Janis: okay Janis: you're marginally more plausible than him so take your word Jimmy: I'll take my 🏆 soon as you've engraved it Janis: don't get ahead of yourself Janis: either your imagination is lacking or it's his Janis: and I know you're WELL artistic so Jimmy: alright, stop flirting with me Janis: how many more girls need to tell you that's disgusting Jimmy: how many lasses are in this school? Janis: ha Janis: know they don't do royalty in the north, even they ain't that thick Janis: come up with a new bit probably Jimmy: 👌 Janis: send you his socials if you wanna smack him down Jimmy: go on then Janis: [does] Janis: he's the least attractive one in the groupshot, go figure Jimmy: the 🦐 looking twat? Jimmy: alright Janis: 😂 Janis: good shout Janis: fits with your fish kink Jimmy: What lesson you in? Janis: Physics Jimmy: that's [a classroom/ lab number situ, don't get lost boy] ? Janis: next one along Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [shows up and decks this boy so that all kicks off] Janis: [dramaaaaaaa] Jimmy: [enjoy the show bitches] Janis: [what are you gonna make of that, ladies, when it looks like you're defending her honour instead of your own] Jimmy: [when you lowkey are though, we see you boy] Janis: [we all do, not her though so it's fine] Jimmy: [literally been here no time Jimothy, casual crush at first sight okay then] Janis: [we know you're both hot no hiding from that] Janis: how much trouble you get in? Jimmy: You've been here longer than me, have a guess Janis: 🤔🤔 Janis: depends how much of a good mood the head was in 🥴 Jimmy: ☕ were half full Jimmy: might be 🥃🥃 or 🥃🥃🥃 depending on his measures Janis: either way, bet you have to write him an apology Janis: always make you do that Jimmy: [shows her his 🦐 doodles all over said apology] Jimmy: ✔ Janis: 😏 sincere Jimmy: Am I supposed to invite him out for a 🦐🍛 or what? Janis: no Janis: he'll 😢 and with his eye how it is now, might explode from the pressure Jimmy: can either handle a #ladsnightout or you can't Janis: poor shrimpy Janis: he looks better for the swelling, honestly Jimmy: might write me a thank you note Jimmy: been after a pen pal Jimmy: 💕 Janis: figures Jimmy: ? Janis: artistic Janis: prefer 🖋 over 🗣 Jimmy: nah, just northern Jimmy: can barely write and I need the practice Janis: tell the head that, she can tell her bosses, and they'll get you out of detention Jimmy: 👍 Janis: success story ⭐ Jimmy: my dad will be dead proud Janis: buzzing Jimmy: what am I missing then? Janis: a sense of purpose? Janis: your keys? Janis: what? Jimmy: what 🗨 dickhead Janis: oh, what shrimpdick said? Janis: just more bollocks than I'd heard already Janis: if it were bad before, it's 💘 now Jimmy: you could've said 💀👑 were in there Janis: how was I supposed to know you'd show up Jimmy: what did you think I were gonna do? Janis: well, see him after school sounds a bit gay but Janis: not barge in to a lesson, obviously Jimmy: yeah I asked you for directions I weren't gonna use Janis: I thought you were bullshitting Jimmy: you're alright, there's nobody about to see me 😭 Janis: probably work in our favour once everyone else calms down Janis: reckons we're both gay so Janis: let her do the work with the 🗨 Jimmy: what were it you said? buzzing Jimmy: that'll be me Janis: 👍 Janis: you didn't get in proper shit, did you Jimmy: What's proper shit? Janis: like excluded level Janis: anything below that, not saying sorry for your 😭 Jimmy: weren't after a sorry off you any road Janis: 💔 Jimmy: and I never hit him that hard Janis: I know Janis: but he's being a right tart about it Janis: make more sense if he was good looking to start with Jimmy: 🦐💔 Jimmy: you a vegetarian or what? Janis: hilarious 🙄 Jimmy: 🤡 me Jimmy: it were you who said it Janis: 'cos my taste borders outside aquatic, I'm gay now, alright Jimmy: nowt to do with me Jimmy: literally Janis: you asked Jimmy: nah Janis: you just curious about my dietary needs Jimmy: if that's a crime, give Mia's dad a bell Janis: 🤞💘 Janis: they're well pissed off rn, nothing else Jimmy: sod catholic school, don't even need it Jimmy: about to get into heaven off the back of that Janis: told 'em it weren't me that was getting #saved Jimmy: you wanna piss 'em off a bit more? Janis: obviously? Jimmy: Alright, what would? Jimmy: I'm here, you're there and we're 💕 Janis: you said no one's about? Jimmy: I did do Janis: a teachers showed? Jimmy: nah but that means they could in a bit Janis: fuck it Janis: hang on then Jimmy: 🤞💘 Janis: [ask for a pissbreak, go to whatever room this is and take a #goals selfie for the first time] Jimmy: [love that because it makes the fake dating less out of the blue as a request so well done lads] Janis: [you're welcome] Janis: get more ❤s than her she'll 💥 Jimmy: I'd say challenge accepted but it ain't one Janis: 🥺 when your boyfriend isn't as fit as you thought Jimmy: if you're doing that face since you've been back, you'll really sell the starcrossed lovers angle Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: 😒 translate just as well Jimmy: I get it, there's no oscar in your future Janis: fuck off Janis: it ain't hard Jimmy: couldn't hack the proposition of being in my ad, you Janis: that's different Janis: besides, tell me it won't be funnier to make her do it Jimmy: might be for the first 10 takes Janis: she gets to roleplay with daddy to rehearse she'll be 🏆 Jimmy: SUCH a romantic, you Janis: just want her to be happy, like Jimmy: fuck her, I'm giving you the 🏆 Janis: #blessed Jimmy: that's me, obvs Janis: no, you're #saved Janis: don't hog them all Jimmy: one #'s worth fuck all Jimmy: every dickhead knows you need to flood it Jimmy: bit biblical an' all, that Janis: you get sent her to get turned? Janis: hardcore conversion therapy Janis: here* Jimmy: not gay, just fit and mysterious Janis: 👌 Jimmy: gone right off 🐙🦑🦐🦞🦀🐡🐠🐟 but I don't reckon we can call that hardcore Jimmy: or much of a turn Janis: aren't supposed to eat shellfish actually, so God should be made up Jimmy: success story ⭐ Jimmy: like you said Janis: can go back to where you came from now Janis: in the nicest, non-racist way possible Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: 🙏* Jimmy: tah my dear Janis: not 👠👠 but you get what you pay for Jimmy: ain't my fault the tip jar's got nowt in Jimmy: @💀👑 Janis: I remember Jimmy: she ain't changed her ways or owt recently, funny that Janis: she needs the #bornagain Janis: thank fuck she ain't got a dog Jimmy: Oi, what's El if not a service 🐕? Janis: she walks herself enough though Jimmy: she does do laps round the table before she gets her ☕ Janis: not surprised Janis: beyond surprised she can still manage it without the heart attack, obvs Jimmy: 🙏* Janis: deal with the 😈 Janis: gotcha Jimmy: if you can say fuck it today, why not, like? Janis: decent tagline Janis: I'll put it on the site Jimmy: good shout Jimmy: I were gonna say if you need 📸 for it, give me a shout an' all Janis: like IOU one 💘 selfie? Jimmy: sir ain't getting my nudes that easy Janis: gutted Jimmy: 🎻💔😭 Jimmy: call it another deal with the 😈 if you want, mate, but I were being serious Jimmy: bagsied the 🎨 ages ago Janis: alright Jimmy: alright Janis: was thinking, how do we piss her off more with this project Janis: without it being dead obvious that that's what we're doing Jimmy: Depends Janis: on? Jimmy: do you mean us or the #content? Janis: both Jimmy: what thoughts did you have? Janis: well, obviously we can't put in anything that she can run to sir with Janis: but, like the ad, you can edit it to be like one of those no win no fee things like you said Janis: shit like that Jimmy: Do you know what her dad actually looks like? Janis: hold on Janis: [finds his linkedin or whatever 'cos that bitch] Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: you reckon we could use his shit Janis: he has a website as well, can take bits of that as #inspiration Jimmy: few edits so it ain't LITERALLY his, bit of a parody, OMG she'll be fuming Janis: right, that's the VIBE Janis: could use his face but distort it, shadow it, put a bag over Janis: you know she'd know still Jimmy: I've been pissing about with hers an' all Jimmy: [shows her what he's been up to because he didn't have her father's deets] Janis: that's good Janis: on the same page on this one Janis: make 'em victims of medical negligence or something Janis: botched hair transplant Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: dickheads sometimes put a 👍 review of their website, happy clients that sort of bollocks Janis: right Janis: and if we make her the lawyer she wants to be Janis: can't really complain Jimmy: she can't but not to sir Jimmy: can* Janis: that's all I care about Janis: she ain't gonna stop COMING for me 😭 Jimmy: or her man for me 😱😱 Janis: soz I don't know what classes he takes so you can smack him and all Jimmy: he'll find me, unless they're both all mouth Janis: 🤷 Jimmy: *🤞 Janis: least the muscles are purely for show Jimmy: 💪🏆 me Janis: mhmm Jimmy: so complimentary, you Jimmy: I get why your inbox is full Janis: don't need to be Janis: I'm the 🏆 Jimmy: I'm taking back the one I gave you a bit ago for generosity or whatever bollocks it were Janis: I'll survive, mate Jimmy: 👌 dry your eyes and crack on Janis: enjoy your DMs Jimmy: Oi I'm illiterate remember, and there's no need to rub it in, Janet Janis: there'll be lots of pictures for you, no doubt Janis: get the gist real easy Jimmy: 🤤🤤😍😍 Jimmy: might be right about me being saved Janis: 😷 GROSS Jimmy: we'll both live Jimmy: 💔🎻 Janis: real tragedy that Jimmy: give it a few years to get on the English curriculum Janis: not that you'll ever know Jimmy: might still be trying to pass it Janis: awh Jimmy: *🤷 Janis: i'm well concerned about your education Jimmy: HANG ON, is this NERD FLIRTING?!! 💕🤓 Jimmy: I'd heard loads about it Janis: have to see what 💀👑 reckons Jimmy: I'll @ her Janis: she'll love that Jimmy: [does obviously and sends her whatever response] Janis: good to know she's SO on board with this 💘 Janis: have to keep it up if she's gonna be so 😭 😤 Jimmy: if she can't have us, next best, obvs Janis: now she knows how poor Ella feels Jimmy: what the fuck is going on there? Janis: if she ain't in love with her idk Janis: she don't need her to buy her shit Jimmy: I'll have to @ her an' all Janis: fill your boots sherlock Janis: 🤞 it's a death cult naturally, so they take my sister with 'em Jimmy: sounds like a bit of me, that Jimmy: gutted I pissed off their leader Janis: well, you want a new 👜 she'll take you in and make you pay with  🩸🥵😭 Jimmy: if it can start a gay teletubby scandal, might do something for me Janis: better rep than 💫💘 Janis: probably Jimmy: what ain't? Janis: cheer Janis: s Janis: not the only one with an inbox full of hilarious 'better' offers Jimmy: you wanna go from 😍😍 to 💀💀💀 in 3 days that's your shout Jimmy: be a record around here at any rate Janis: I'll just do one when you get mixed messages and top yourself Jimmy: take it up with the 'better' offers, more of 'em you can take out, the 'better' this shithole would be Janis: no shit, like Janis: not that much of a slag, sadly Jimmy: you called me Sherlock, pointing out the bloody obvious is my job done Janis: go shoot up and go to your mind palace, like Jimmy: not that much of a druggie, sadly Janis: letdown Janis: said you were 😎 Jimmy: 😎 by 💀👑 standards is bound to be a letdown by yours, Jules Janis: understatement Jimmy: alright, bighead Janis: coming from you, that's almost a compliment Jimmy: I know Jimmy: you can stop fishing now Janis: piss off Jimmy: 😏 Janis: 🖕🖕🖕 NEW BOY Jimmy: 💕 Janis: anything that reminds you of our glorious leader 😍 Jimmy: this teacher's ☕ breath is really doing it for me Janis: cruel and unusual punishment that Janis: tell socials you're being tortured Jimmy: start me a # Janis: #justiceforjimmy is catchy but you don't have a name so won't help Jimmy: @ Mia's dad for legal words beginning with n Jimmy: 🤞 he's got that far in the alphabet or you're on your own, girl Janis: I'll have to go for the cryptic #whereisnewboy Janis: not having 👀 on you must be well distressing for them anyway Jimmy: steady on though, sounds a bit like I've already ghosted you Jimmy: not very #goals that Janis: oh yeah Janis: 🐇🐇🐇 Jimmy: 🐇 on the boil or nowt Jimmy: 💀👑 rule 1 Janis: I'll think on it then 👻 boy Jimmy: 👍 Janis: #getghostboyout Janis: how long did you actually get in there? Jimmy: #bustoutghostboy Janis: lowkey suggestive Jimmy: 👻👻👻👻👻👻👻 Jimmy: right, they'll LOVE that Janis: [pisstakey socials] Jimmy: [replies that are lowkey suggestive because we know we've started something] Janis: [when you don't even know what you're doing but you're doing IT] Jimmy: [god bless you both]

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: Just had to suffer my sister at her worst but also think she won't talk to me or you now so Janis: 👍🤞 Jimmy: 🎻 Jimmy: Tah though baby 👍 Janis: 🖕 You have no idea dickhead Janis: owe me for how much she blames me 'cos of course Jimmy: we can plan our first date Jimmy: shout you drinks when it happens & work out how most to piss her off 'til then Janis: Decent Janis: have to make it last longer than a few days so she can eat shit/her words Janis: not the date, she ain't that demanding I hope Jimmy: 'ave til school starts, that should be long enough? Jimmy: what sorta dates are #goals for her & her mates Janis: Fine by me, probs a record for that lot honestly Janis: Eurgh, hold on Janis: lemme get into the headspace of a basic bitch Jimmy: & i can serve a record number of frappes to 'em in that time, less time all 'round when it ain't hols no more Jimmy: 👌😂 Jimmy: needs to be bearable for us too Janis: Wasn't betting on it with you for company, babe Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: You love me now, remember Janis: Shh, the more you talk the harder this is Janis: I dunno, every cliche in the book probably, like can't actually just go down the pub, that is not a thotsquad approved #goal Jimmy: hang on, in my house we don't play charades or owt but I'll 'ave a go... 🖕 Jimmy: where did her last bae take your sister? Janis: How many syllables? Jimmy: as many as dickhead has Jimmy: flicks? then we don't have to talk Janis: Tap 'em out, come on Janis: it's two, just so you know Janis: Yeah, that'd work Janis: are you going to make me see something pretentious and artsy or what though Jimmy: you wouldn't like that, smart girl? Jimmy: gotta be a horror film, don't it? That's the cliche Janis: 'course, nothing like a heavy dose of fear to get a girl in the mood Janis: how could I forget Jimmy: food & drinks before or after? since you eat, unlike your sister Janis: After, means there was a chance we got off on the backrow 'fore tucking in to all the garlic or whatever posh food always has in it Jimmy: I can't be back too late though for real Janis: Alright Janis: post it after Janis: doubt our classmates are gonna be hanging 'bout any food place that ain't nandos or maccas so Jimmy: It's your turn on the 'gram, sweetheart Janis: Great 🙄 Jimmy: Fake more enthusiasm when you type out the #s Jimmy: if your sister's likely to be about I'll pick you up Jimmy: say when Janis: 'course Janis: when more's at stake than just your ego darling 😘 Janis: when do you need to be back for real Janis: it doesn't matter to me Jimmy: 9ish at latest Jimmy: but if anyone asks we were out 'til whenever Jimmy: my sister ain't gonna dob us in as liars Janis: Shit man, wha'd'ya do? Janis: 'course though Janis: mine happily would but she ain't that bright, and easily avoided so it's cool Jimmy: nowt like what you're thinking Janis: coulda gone with that Janis: actually sound impressive Jimmy: why? Jimmy: you getting bored of me already, Jessica? Jimmy: 💔 Janis: just saying, bit of inspiration wouldn't go amiss if you want this post to be 🔥 Janis: but don't worry, I'm a pro even if you're not bringing your A game Jimmy: if you need it when the bar's this low, we are doomed Jimmy: got weeks of this yet, girl Janis: shut up, misery Janis: just worried you can't keep up Jimmy: 💔🎻💔 Jimmy: a well deep wound Janis: You want 'em to piss off or nah, boy Jimmy: save your nagging 'til you next visit me at work Jimmy: the audience will lap it up Janis: Yeah yeah, you just wanna fully appreciate in person don't lie Jimmy: rumbled 😍 Janis: Hm, know your type, mate Janis: probably tell me your shifts so I can drop in casual Janis: not dedicated enough to work it out like they have, soz Jimmy: [sends his work schedule] Jimmy: get in before I get sacked 🙄 Janis: are you only the best barista in looks then? 💔 Jimmy: don't be a dickhead Jimmy: you tasted that smoothie Jimmy: but your sister's head bitch is here with her latest male victim Jimmy: I can only be so 😁 Janis: do the world, him and me a favour and poison hers, like 😒 Janis: your manager will understand Jimmy: Is she not immune to most? Jimmy: Looks like she's about to swallow this lad 🐍 Janis: 😷 Janis: Throw water at her, cool her down and she'll melt Jimmy: deal Janis: knew you had your uses Jimmy: she keeps looking at me Jimmy: waiting for my invite to sit down and join in Janis: probably Janis: or she's trying to turn you into stone, run away then, boy 🙄 Jimmy: if she can get anyone hard with one of them looks I despair at Leprechaun country more than I had done Janis: 😏 Janis: Actually funny, give you that Janis: she reckons Jimmy: Funny enough to come save me? Janis: Hmm Janis: How scared are you? Gotta let it get high enough, most hero points Jimmy: I'll let you know when she unhinges her jaw fully Janis: 👍 Janis: quite the party trick Jimmy: go on, I'll ramp up the 😍 Jimmy: make her think you're really irresistible Janis: Think? Janis: Bitch, she knows Jimmy: She fancies you? Jimmy: That explains a lot Janis: I don't know what her actual damage is Janis: would explain the over-the-top homophobia, like Jimmy: I'll show her what she's missing then Jimmy: work appropriate PDA Janis: 😍 when you put it like that Jimmy: gotta pay up Jimmy: like you said, I owe you for Grace Jimmy: how far do you want me to go? Janis: Oh 'scuse me whilst I take a moment to swoon Janis: 😂 Jimmy: Don't take too long if you don't want her to leave Jimmy: which I know you don't Jimmy: she's been chatting shit loudly about you, for my benefit, since she got here Janis: 😒 Glad to know she's as much a cunt behind my back as she is to my face Janis: true friend 💕 Janis: Reckon we can manage to show you're actually interested in ME and not just getting off with any bitch or too pie in the sky Jimmy: Easy Jimmy: Put your hair up so I can take it down that's the most cliche thing I can think of Janis: Sorted Janis: it's up anyway, had to go to the gym after that delightful convo with Gracie Jimmy: If you can keep your sick in your mouth & not over me, I'll remember your name, just for this Jimmy: Jennifer, right? Janis: I know you can read Janis: not that Northern Jimmy: Do you? Jimmy: I might be faking that too Janis: You running every message by your colleague first then? Janis: I should get off with him too, only fair Jimmy: wait til Mona's gone probably Jimmy: what do you wanna drink/eat? I'll pretend it's spontaneous 'cause I can read you so well 💕 Janis: She'd respect it, slutbag Janis: the others would defs not though so I'll be sly with it, don't worry Janis: Clearly a non-shit smoothie is our thing, babe 💕 Janis: and anything with protein, not fussy Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: Take some selfies with me, we'll work out who's gonna post what later Janis: Gotta give the fans what they want Jimmy: gotta give the #haters what they don't Janis: You know it Janis: by the time School rolls back 'round, you're gonna be so forgettable Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: No wishing 'bout it, boy Janis: I get shit done 💪 Jimmy: Don't make me like you Jimmy: Not what we're here for Janis: 🙄 Don't be soft Jimmy: Do your job & I won't be, will I? Jimmy: 😍 remember Janis: Yeah 😏 Do your best to look dead blue ball'd in these selfies Janis: what could be more #goals than a boy not instantly going off you when you don't spread 'em on first sight, appaz Janis: and our bar is low yeah Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: It's been a while, I can do that Janis: 🎻 Janis: Bollocks has it Jimmy: Hard to believe 'cause you want me so bad but actually has Janis: 🖕 Janis: if you have as many fans as you claiming, they ain't all so unbearable you ain't gone there Jimmy: yeah they are Janis: ⬆ standards, is it Jimmy: standards Jimmy: any Janis: Admirable Jimmy: Piss off Janis: Deadly serious Jimmy: nah you're not Janis: Giving you a few months 'fore you're one of 'em Janis: that's all Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: back to being brutal now then Janis: You want saving from this whole town, that'd cost more than you'd be willing to give, boy Janis: get you eventually Jimmy: I'll be gone before that happens Janis: Yeah? Jimmy: I didn't wanna come here in the first place, I'm not making it my shamrock patch to die in Janis: Me either, mate Jimmy: You better shut up and get a move on before we find owt else we've got in common Janis: 'Less you want me to show up all sweaty and have it be known that's what you're into you'll calm the fuck down and lemme finish Jimmy: If I cared that much what people thought I was into have dressed you before you first showed up here Janis: Cunt Janis: if I wanted unwarranted fashion advice, I'd have stayed home and alked to my sister some more Jimmy: Can't seduce a girl without a leather jacket, by your own reckoning Jimmy: So you're wrong or I don't care, do I? Janis: I'm right, you just like complaining Janis: it ain't like you've been catfished here Jimmy: you've been whinging since you got in my inbox, Jolene Janis: You're the one who's shit scared of falling so you keep 🤐 anything else Jimmy: You don't know me Jimmy: guess again Janis: I'm good Janis: only need to know the fake you tso this isn't a waste of time Jimmy: 💔 Janis: but give me the basic rundown over dinner, yeah Janis: just in case anyone asks when your birthday is or some shit Jimmy: chatting something useful? Who are you? Jimmy: Top one, Julie Janis: Funny Janis: I'll be fucking fuming if it's soon, I ain't getting you anything Jimmy: We'll be over before then Jimmy: When's yours? Janis: 13th October, so same Jimmy: Gutted I can't make Grace share with me as well Janis: 😒 Don't even Janis: basically have to leave the country to get away, no joke how serious she takes it Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎸🎺🎻 Jimmy: you get the whole orchestra for that one, baby Janis: I'll let her know you want the joint party, see how musical you feeling then Jimmy: I've already told you, you ain't breaking my heart Jimmy: do your worst Janis: hour 3 of picking out fucking Janis: napkin colours Janis: and she will Jimmy: nah don't have to listen Jimmy: she don't want any real input Janis: i know you've heard how loud she is Janis: there's no option Jimmy: bollocks Janis: I'm telling you, take my place Jimmy: I'm telling you, customer service has trained me Jimmy: Challenge accepted Janis: Have fun Janis: Imma do one with your fit workmate ✌ Jimmy: You'd have to find one first Janis: Easy Jimmy: if that's your type, sweetheart Janis: Not an amateur like the bitches who concern themselves with you, I've scoped the joint once, I'm good to go Janis: Don't be jealous, you asked for this Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: It's pity not jealousy Jimmy: if you think any of 'em are fit you need your eyes checked at least and at worst, like....scrapping Janis: I didn't know you'd ranked 'em all outta 10 already, my bad Janis: if you got claims, just say, girl code Jimmy: what the fuck is girl code? Janis: Fucked if I know but unsurprised I'm apparently in violation 'cos Gracie ain't getting exactly what she wants 🤷 Janis: ask if you can get a word in Jimmy: tah, mate Janis: I know, she's scary Janis: save your streetcred and keep it hush Jimmy: what street cred? I'm dating you Janis: Actually do one Jimmy: you don't feel no different about me Jimmy: we ain't pretending here Janis: I've had enough of it for one day though so you'll have to have a go tomorrow, like Jimmy: alright, white flag Jimmy: relax, Janis Janis: Whatever, yeah Janis: omw Jimmy: I'll get the smoothie ready so you don't have to wait Jimmy: it's the little things that are #goals yeah? Janis: 💕 Janis: so sweet Jimmy: save it Jimmy: we've got a show to put on Jimmy: Myrtle's really stepped hers up, on the hate & the love Janis: Least she's coming up for air Janis: What's she saying then? Jimmy: not worth repeating when we can just shut it down Janis: I just feel sorry for the lad Janis: his idea of a hot date probably isn't a bitching sesh Jimmy: he looks like he's enjoying himself Janis: 😷 the casualties of the job they didn't warn you about, yeah Jimmy: if you want any food you're braver than me Janis: Given but Janis: ew Jimmy: don't be a dickhead after the white flag's gone up Janis: awh babes Janis: don't you wanna play dirty? Jimmy: like I said, save it, babes Janis: 😏 fine Janis: dry Jimmy: I get it, you want me Jimmy: you can regret that it's fake later Janis: Yeah, be one for the deathbed, that 🙄 Jimmy: I'll bring the orchestra in Janis: you'll be long gone Janis: 💔 can kill, you know Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: alright, Juliet, steady on Janis: 🥊 ain't pulling no Janis: you shoulda done more research, boyo Jimmy: Minerva's meant to be drinking the poison not you, love Jimmy: & absolutely not me Janis: ahh so it's true Janis: you DO pull that stunt on all the girls 😏 amateur Jimmy: call me an amateur after if you still think so Janis: happily Jimmy: Love you too, baby Janis: 🤢 Janis: blow your load that quick we're in real trouble Jimmy: what are you wearing today? Jimmy: 'cause unless you've got the leathers out Janis: 😂 kicking it old school sex hotline okay Janis: gym things, obviously Janis: men, never listen 😏 Jimmy: we're in no danger then Janis: 💔 Jimmy: 🎻 Janis: rude when i'm blowing off the gym juice boy for you Jimmy: if you want to bring him to CG to dangle in front of your enemy, go on Janis: Poor boy Janis: she has enough playthings without my help Jimmy: they'll both be gutted Jimmy: learn to share, Joni Janis: fuck off Janis: had a lifetime as is Jimmy: I ain't an only child Jimmy: you don't get no violin Janis: how many you got, 1, 2 Janis: and you ain't twins with the most annoying bitch in ireland, possibly the world Jimmy: take it up with your Irish catholic parents or whatever Jimmy: probably the pope Janis: how irish catholic do i look boy Jimmy: your ma looks it Jimmy: that'll do Janis: send her to the fucking laundries and bury us all in the mass grave Janis: good luck n all da Jimmy: cheery today you Janis: ain't my fault fallen women don't get you going Janis: what's wrong with you man Jimmy: if that's your #goal we are proper doomed Jimmy: couldn't be more turned off if I tried Janis: tell you ain't catholic Janis: love to hate the sin hatefuck the sinner baby, that's how we're rolling Jimmy: I'm not C of E never mind that Jimmy: there's no god under my roof, girl Jimmy: never been Janis: Lucky you Janis: we're not all #blessed Jimmy: 🎻 Jimmy: my dad will love to hear that we are, tah Janis: welcome Janis: way too soon to attempt impressing parents but clearly that overachiever Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: bring that enthusiasm to my counter, babe Janis: hot Jimmy: like you said, bar's low Janis: low enough you reckon i'm hopping my arse up on it for you, apparently Jimmy: why not? Janis: depends Janis: is it a challenge Jimmy: You gonna accept it if it is? Janis: Obviously Janis: 🥇 Jimmy: Go on then, thrill me, Justine Janis: Easy Jimmy: Easy for you to say now, yeah Janis: Easy for you to chat back now too Jimmy: I'll pretend to like it, difficult as that'll be Jimmy: So doesn't matter Janis: you need me, remember that Jimmy: I've not forgotten Jimmy: don't need to kiss your arse before you get here though Janis: no one's asking you to go that far, tah Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: well you never answered how far you DO want me to Janis: Don't be stupid Jimmy: Not #goals if you slap me in front of Mia, is it? Janis: Not for you anyway Jimmy: Draw me the line Jimmy: I won't cross it Jimmy: Not hard Janis: You're not thick, no sense doing anything more than what's appropriate for the audience, like Janis: why do I have to spell it out Jimmy: 'Cause you hate her Jimmy: So how much do you? Janis: How much do I hate her? Janis: That's a question and then some, like Jimmy: I can make it as hot and her as jealous as you want Jimmy: Like you said, not thick Janis: Yeah? Jimmy: Do the same for me if I ask Jimmy: & yeah Janis: Alright Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I'm here Janis: be hot Jimmy: 🔥🎆🚒 Janis: Oh my God, you actual loser 😏 Jimmy: don't call me a loser when I'm about to help you win Janis: okay okay, teamwork, yeah? Jimmy: I've been putting in work you ain't even asked for being 😍 at my phone this whole time so she knows its you Jimmy: pull your weight, dickhead Janis: admire the dedication Jimmy: match it then Janis: oi 💪 always Jimmy: 🥇 yeah? Janis: Too right Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [After] Janis: Is your phone blowing up too or am I just the un🍀 one? Jimmy: my co-workers are Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: you could be in with some of 'em now for real Janis: Good stuff, secondary goal achieved too Janis: Go us Jimmy: Mia's not gonna put us on blast like a new wave gossip girl, is she? Jimmy: Do without my sister seeing any of that Janis: I don't reckon she would, she shouldn't seem as invested as she is, not cool Janis: she's just shown her little mates, Grace included Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: keep your win without me whinging then Janis: Just get her done for making material with minors in if she does, problem solved 🤷 Janis: not taking my 🥇 Jimmy: we gonna cool things off for not looking to keen or go all in with first date bollocks? Janis: I mean, probably occupy their tiny minds for a bit but leave it too long and I go back to looking #desperate so Janis: still up for going ahead whenever you are Jimmy: day or two? Jimmy: made me want you for a bit but not too long Janis: Cool Janis: I'd buy it Jimmy: more like two and you can act like I'm blowing your phone up Jimmy: tilt your screen 🙄 Janis: For sure Janis: hmu with those 'wyd' texts Jimmy: & impressive selfies Jimmy: you ain't the only one capable Janis: mhmm show me what i'm missing 😏 Jimmy: 🤤 Jimmy: you ran off so quick we didn't take any coupley ones #rookie mistake Jimmy: remind me next time Janis: you know, own personal photographer and hater in one with mia Janis: even if she ain't thinking of my angles Jimmy: she didn't get mine either Jimmy: 💔 Janis: honestly, talk about distracted on the job Jimmy: some people, mate Jimmy: have you looked though? did the job for us Jimmy: & livened up her story Janis: Welcome, if I had to see another generic selfie from her 🔫 Janis: Who knew I was so popular? Jimmy: Me, that's why we're 💕 Janis: All part of the masterplan Janis: I'll skillfully ignore these DM requests, like Jimmy: we've made our point Jimmy: slide into as many DMs as you like, darling Janis: 👍 tah Janis: least let you get a date in, kinda the point Jimmy: point is, you're not gay & I'm not interested in what Mia & co are offering Jimmy: but I won't deprive you of a date now, that'd be so snide Janis: 🙄 gracious Jimmy: we don't have to sit through a whole shit film, do we? Jimmy: as long as we check in & our audience know we're there Janis: you gotta be home by 9 anyway so Jimmy: Mia's not gonna like turn up in shades to watch us in the back row now she'd had a glimpse Jimmy: 'Cause I wanna just eat Janis: Got enough wank bank material keep her going Janis: let's just eat then, I don't care, never nothing good on anyway Jimmy: where's good grub wise? I ain't been nowhere yet Janis: I know places, I'll pick somewhere actually decent, not just #goals Janis: just don't tell my Dad Jimmy: 😍😍😍 tah bae Jimmy: what's your dad gonna do if I chat to him about decent food? Janis: chat how his is better and no one needs a first date at their own dad's restaurant Janis: never mind a fake one Jimmy: 💔 gutted Jimmy: I could've made a 🔥 first impression for you, girl Janis: 😂 gone to your head, lad Janis: don't need to impress him, or any of 'em Jimmy: could though Jimmy: multi talented Jimmy joined the chat 7 hours ago Janis: and the oscar goes to Janis: keep your talents away from my fam, tah Jimmy: Alright, Jackie, you've got a deal Janis: careful, make a habit of it Jimmy: gotta for as long as you need me Janis: 💕 Jimmy: then I'll bin school off & go hollywood 😎 Janis: See no flaws in the plan Janis: big enough town I can go too and blank ya or? Janis: any out, like Jimmy: I'm no expert but I'd guess yeah Janis: Did you just admit you don't know everything? Janis: Omg, definitely isn't you Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: You're the one who tries to chat that you do Janis: I don't try, I just do, babe Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: We were having a moment plotting our new life & you had to be a dickhead Jimmy: ruin everything you Janis: You have to warn me when we're having moments Janis: I wasn't on, God Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: Used it all up for Mia Janis: real love of my life, naturally 😒 Jimmy: You crush me, Josie Janis: I know, I know Janis: I did warn you Jimmy: Make it up to me by naming a decent pub Jimmy: I need somewhere to go after work Janis: Whelan's is a decent shout Jimmy: 👍 Janis: for your vibe Janis: lots of leather, lots of indie but the craic is actually decent and it ain't tourist hell so Jimmy: I'll let you know if you're right Jimmy: know you can't wait to find out Janis: Hanging on the phone, like 🖕 Jimmy: If I find any girls irresistible I'll keep it off the 'gram, don't worry Janis: 👍 Jimmy: this shift is dragging after Mia gate Jimmy: if I text her will she come back? Janis: You mean they're ripping the piss too hard Janis: Obviously she would but can you not Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: I've handled worse from you Janis: Brave boy Jimmy: Don't join in Jimmy: not an invite Janis: alright alright Janis: is the fit one invited whelan's with you or nah? i need to know if he's got enough bants or what Jimmy: weren't planning on inviting any of 'em soz to 💔 Janis: least i know he's free Jimmy: keep winning today Jimmy: you're welcome, babe Janis: You know Janis: couldn't have done it without you Jimmy: coulda asked your fave barista Jimmy: next time he'll be well ready to take you up on it Janis: not got a dealwith him, have i Jimmy: wouldn't be hard to make one Jimmy: you've got his attention & I can give you his details Janis: don't be a dick Jimmy: What? Janis: Not fir hire Janis: I'm helping you out because you're helping me out, that's it Janis: it ain't that Jimmy: If you like him, get with him Janis: Maybe I will but don't concern yourself with the set-up Jimmy: I'm helping you out 'cause you helped me out, that's it Janis: Well don't Jimmy: Alright Janis: Have a good night 👍 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: [sends restaurant deets] Janis: shall I book this or not? Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: I'm working 'til 6 but I'll get ready here & come straight to get you Janis: K Janis: See you then then, just bring your selfie A game Jimmy: just get my good side Janis: 📸 or 👊? Jimmy: depends what mood you're in, Jill Jimmy: guess we'll find out Janis: depends on how much of a pain in my are you plan on being Jimmy: depends what kind of day I've had Jimmy: & how much of a dickhead you plan on being Janis: isn't that just my natural state of being Jimmy: when you're chatting yeah Janis: Backatcha Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: better at not Jimmy: but don't need to tell you that after earlier Janis: shame, really Jimmy: why? Janis: That we have to talk to make this thing believable Janis: trust, I'd rather just the other too Jimmy: I can piss off Jimmy: it's believable now Jimmy: don't have to keep chatting away Janis: You said you'd make me look good, and I so do not right now, so you can't get out of it yet Jimmy: I made you look great Jimmy: rewatch the story Jimmy: & what I'm chatting is, some couples barely do, so we don't have to Janis: other lads who want the same, i grant you but you miss all the comments calling me a slag or what Janis: obvs, i ain't trying to keep you Jimmy: I'll follow through, we've got a deal Jimmy: but you don't have to have me as your specialist subject on a quiz show Janis: piss off Janis: i ain't them or tryna be so don't play like i am Jimmy: Ask me what you need & then we don't have to talk for ages Jimmy: job done Janis: I have, where's the bit where I'm asking you 'bout the weather? Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: Jesus Jimmy: he don't exist to me, remember? Jimmy: you gotta listen if you wanna keep this believable, girl Janis: not my specialist  subject, babe Jimmy: 💔 Janis: 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕 Jimmy: lovely you are Jimmy: remind me to take you home to meet the parents ASAP Janis: yeah thank fuck it ain't real, right Jimmy: if it were I wouldn't offer Janis: if you're trying to put me off, I already know you're a dick Janis: it's not necessary Jimmy: trying to put them off Jimmy: one dinner with you & I wouldn't have to be at the next however many Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 💔 too bad that ain't part of the deal then Jimmy: could be? Jimmy: You agreed to go all in for me when I asked Jimmy: like I did for you with Mia Janis: Ha, you wanna live to regret it just name the time, mate Jimmy: I'll let you know when the next family dinner is Jimmy: My dad's due a new girlfriend about now Janis: I'll do my best not to seduce her Jimmy: Don't let me stop you Jimmy: 'ave your fun while you can, he don't keep 'em long Janis: Gutting, no doubt Jimmy: for who? Jimmy: don't reckon anyone's 💔 Janis: Yeah, I gathered Janis: well not really a sloppy seconds kinda girl but if there's no love lost and that's what you want, like Janis: done is done Jimmy: 💕 last great romantic you Janis: Let it be known Jimmy: hang on, I'll tweet it Janis: 😏 as far as subtweets go, I'm getting worse, babe Jimmy: 🎻 Janis: Just saying, up your game, boy Jimmy: What you want me to do, tweet you a nude? Jimmy: Calm down, Jen Janis: I know even you ain't that cocky, no pun intended, new boy Jimmy: Nah? Janis: Nah, all chat Janis: like I said, sad, really 😥 Jimmy: Hold on, the lighting in here is shit Janis: 😂 #priorities Jimmy: [tweets it 'cos I'll never actually find one] Janis: as if you actually did that Jimmy: when I get snatched by a man with a van full of sweets, on your head Janis: 💔 i'll use that picture on the posters, like Jimmy: edit the lighting tah Jimmy: still shit Janis: you tryna be an insta model or what, mate Jimmy: could be Jimmy: you ain't paying me for my time, rich girl Janis: those skinny tea #ads will be coming in no time Jimmy: 💔 locked out of my account so I'll never know what my Juliet tweeted me back Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: not a nude back so you ain't missing anything good Jimmy: course of true love & all that Jimmy: still gutted Janis: I'll compile screenshots of the most blatant thirsty hoes, can go over 'em on our date Janis: don't say I never do nothing for you Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: making me fall hard for you, babe Janis: I know, gift and a curse, truly Jimmy: its the gym clothes Jimmy: could've warned me Janis: 😏 you never seen a bitch in a sports bra Jimmy: nah Jimmy: its too cold up north for owt like that Janis: 😂 running in all your layers Jimmy: spot on Janis: know it's grim but the sweat would be no joke Janis: dirrrrrty Jimmy: I ain't a runner & I don't know any Jimmy: take your word, mate Jimmy: kills me getting the dog out Janis: all them 🚬 Janis: not a stalker, 'fore you start Janis: tasted 'em second-hand, bit rude Jimmy: 💀💀💀💀 Jimmy: if you get cancer of the 👅 bill me for your medical Janis: 💕 true love Janis: resisted the urge to tell a rich bitch to pay for her own if she hates dying so much and everything, so proud Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: one make out sesh & I'm a changed man, baby #your influence Janis: so gonna quote that on twitter, really shame you now you ain't about to stop me 😈 Jimmy: 'ave at it Jimmy: gimme more warning next time & 🚭 for real though Janis: Better than teacher coffee breath, which is what I was mentally preparing for tbh Jimmy: brutal Jimmy: actually 💔 me now Janis: It's good Janis: you ain't as much of a filthy hipster as I reckoned Jimmy: On the level, Janet, I don't like coffee Jimmy: just need it sometimes 😫 Jimmy: kinda like you & I Janis: No judgment, boy Janis: all got our vices but at the price CG is selling, you'd be better off getting proper amphetamines Jimmy: staff discount is mint Jimmy: but tah for the concern Janis: that's me Janis: lovely Jimmy: had 'em as a kid anyway before I outgrew it Jimmy: nowt to shout 'bout Janis: Good to know you ain't that kinda #cringe Jimmy: what kind? Janis: the 'thinks getting off his face is a personality trait' kind Janis: do what you gotta but don't be tryna act like it should wow me, you know Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: my ex was a bit of that, in the end Janis: yeah, lots are, all fun and games 'til it ain't then it's like a constant fucking comedown or they can't hack it Jimmy: nothing close to fun & games up north, mate, only grim, remember? 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: anyway she's got a kid now so clean up or fuck up Janis: 😬 Oosh Janis: you're not a runaway baby daddy, are you Jimmy: nah Janis: 🍀 Jimmy: friend of her dad's, I think Janis: Nice Janis: not gross at all, sir Jimmy: Like I said, grim Janis: not any better here let's be real Janis: not all little gingers and pots of gold Jimmy: don't tell my dad he moved us here 🤞 Jimmy: and so I wouldn't gatecrash her wedding & offer to raise her kid but neither here nor there Janis: 🤐 Janis: gutting, i doubt her dad's mate is minted or hot Jimmy: he ain't Jimmy: he's 45, works in a factory, smokes more and gyms less than me Jimmy: but my dad is 'bout a year behind the times Jimmy: too late for my objections 💔 Janis: oh girl, no Janis: tragedy all 'round Jimmy: she's on my friend's list if you wanna give her the orchestra Janis: don't worry, entertained enough by my fans rn Janis: don't need to passive-aggressively ruin the poor bitch for the lols Jimmy: so sad to be missing out Janis: you're sorely missed, i promise you Janis: not by me, obvs but you know Jimmy: who by? Jimmy: can't fake it forever, can I? Jimmy: gotta get a real girl one day Janis: You can't wait 'til the date for the list I ALREADY promised yas? Jimmy: I told you this shift is dragging it's arse, Judith Janis: you got tinder downloaded? no doubt sly bitches are swarming already Jimmy: nah but probably should Jimmy: if its that or tell you more of my origin story Janis: I ain't asking, batman, chill out Jimmy: but I'm chatting Jimmy: fuck knows why I've said what I've already said Janis: don't matter, who am I telling? Jimmy: twitter for all I know Janis: nah Janis: give me some credit Janis: not funny, for starters, like Jimmy: story of my life Jimmy: there's a joke in there somewhere Janis: 🎻 Janis: they ain't ready for the inside joke that is Jimmy: I'm still not inviting any other dickheads but come for a drink tonight if you want Janis: Alright Janis: devvo all my besties ain't gona be there but you'll do Jimmy: you can bring whoever I'm just saying I ain't Janis: I'm good Janis: not dealing with the disappointment when he realizes it ain't a threesome with ya Jimmy: #my influence Janis: Truly, babe Janis: with bad lighting and all 🔥 Jimmy: I could've done better but you put me on the spot Janis: 😂 it's alright, couldn't see it, you don't have to hit me with performance excuses yet Jimmy: or ever Jimmy: you're faking it & telling me you are Jimmy: #goals Janis: so much easier Jimmy: so convincing earlier I'm wondering if my ex ever wanted to kiss me 💔🎻💔 Janis: leave it a few 'til you ring her asking Janis: least you can be/pretend to be pissed Jimmy: don't wanna know Janis: unless her type is exclusively really undesirable old blokes Janis: you're fine Jimmy: maybe it is & you're being catfished Jimmy: look like a teen, am in my 40s Janis: I mean, I'm good, I'll call the garda and get mad sympathy and compensation Janis: can't lose, baby Jimmy: stick with me, Janine Janis: why not Jimmy: you don't even have to kiss me tonight Jimmy: wins keep coming Janis: 🍀 Janis: born with it Jimmy: maybe its leprechauns Janis: 😂 Jimmy: if you're Irish why are you so tall? Jimmy: shatters my illusions Janis: Half Brazilian too, and quarter plain old English scum Jimmy: you're a smoothie of a girl Jimmy: lovely Janis: Steady on 😬 call me exotic and stick me on the menu whilst you're at it Jimmy: be better than what's on Jimmy: you taste better than you chat Janis: ha Janis: dread to think how we're representing english in a smoothie...like, blended fry-up or what? Jimmy: tea? Janis: You know I'm actually Scouse with it so maybe you just wanna chop me up and use my blood, like Janis: 😬 #awks Jimmy: Yeah? Jimmy: must be why we have such an affinity Janis: that what we're calling it? 😏 Jimmy: what do you wanna label it? Jimmy: fake chemistry? Janis: Famistry sounds ridiculous Janis: serious suggestions only please Jimmy: sounds like we're gonna do blood tests & tell people their family trees Janis: 💸 Janis: only if i can tell people they're adopted or their uncle is their dad Janis: spice things up Jimmy: only if I can make a smoothie to represent them at the end Janis: 🎨 #artiste Jimmy: fuck mia, if I text you will you come back Jimmy: bored Janis: really? you let me get home before deciding this? 🙄 Janis: and you've sent me/twitter the nude already, how mind-blowing is this text gonna be, like 😏 Jimmy: is that a challenge or a flat out nah Janis: When you working 'til, like 6? Jimmy: Yep Janis: if we're going pub after anyway, guess I could come that bit earlier, what's it matter, like Janis: go forth and text impress, boy Jimmy: walk me, you romantic Jimmy: 💕 Janis: real old school Janis: you want flowers so you can really make all the other lads jealous or what Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: with this hayfever? you're alright Janis: 😍 sexy Janis: can't hack a bit of pollen, love that for you Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😂 Janis: poor boy, stick to getting the pints in, yeah? Jimmy: it's my #excuse for the fans for why you ain't getting no 🎕 Jimmy: & yeah Janis: literally what are you meant to do with 'em anyway Janis: waste Jimmy: watch 'em die Jimmy: like the feelings you caught for the wrong bae Janis: deep 🚬 Jimmy: gonna be a twitter poet if I ever get my account back Janis: i can see it Janis: gonna have to chuck you before then Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: [okay but sends her a really hot sext cos challenge accepted from a moment ago but I can't write it cos I'm me, myself & I so imagine] Jimmy: Screenshot that for me 'til then Janis: 😳 Janis: You want me to get suspended for your filth too? Jimmy: censor it if you must Janis: you can't censor #art babe Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Done Jimmy: with me or my artistic flair? Janis: I screenshotted it Jimmy: I wasn't serious Jimmy: but join me on the ban list I guess Janis: I'll delete it Janis: I did some generous cropping anyway Jimmy: leave it Jimmy: don't wanna look like you regret your choices Jimmy: not #goals Janis: soz Jimmy: nah you're not Janis: i mean, again warn a bitch when it's a joke, yeah Jimmy: I sound good what do I care? Janis: exactly, nothing but favours Jimmy: for you too Jimmy: not gonna look desperate waiting on that date now, are you? Janis: you want a thank you or? Jimmy: I want a fucking drink but I'm too keen Jimmy: not time yet Janis: 'less you're buzzing for another smoothie Jimmy: tasted enough of yours tah Janis: no room to complain Janis: you made it, ash tray Jimmy: I wasn't Jimmy: calm down, rich girl, you're supposed to be nice to your servers now Janis: You reckon I ain't been nice enough to you for one day? Jimmy: depends Jimmy: If I say nah are you gonna be nicer or meaner? Janis: See how I'm feeling, I guess Janis: and how much of a dickhead you're being 😜 Jimmy: 💔 deep wounds Jimmy: you've got the wrong fake boyfriend 'cause I would obviously not act like that towards you, Judy Janis: 😏 my mistake Janis: jog my memory, which one are you then? Jimmy: northern prince charming 💕 Jimmy: gets banned from twitter for you, makes you personalised drinks, hates the same people you hate Janis: Ahh, him Jimmy: what do you drink anyway? feel like I should know even if this round's off the 'gram Janis: Have whatever you're having Janis: not tryna be that easy but I don't drink often enough to be arsed Janis: don't feel special, like Jimmy: Actually so romantic though 😍 Janis: 🖕 shh Jimmy: it's pints either lager, ales or snakebite/snakebite & black Jimmy: I'll let you pick 'cause I am too Janis: twitter feed been knew and blessed, babe Janis: go 🐍 Janis: seems fitting Jimmy: how did you guess I saved the best for last? Janis: The affinity, obviously Jimmy: don't feel special but you're less of a dickhead today Janis: This is like the second time you've spoke to me, judgy cunt 😂 Jimmy: I've had a month of silent judgement going Janis: Well, how can I not feel special now, eh Jimmy: on everyone not just you Jimmy: but yeah if I'd known all I had to do was stage an elaborate fake kiss to make you specifically less annoying then Janis: spoilsport Janis: 😑 Jimmy: I know 💔 Janis: Something like that Janis: twat Jimmy: What? Jimmy: I was giving you a real compliment Janis: Yeah yeah Janis: save it for the 'gram lover boy Jimmy: 😭 Janis: need a drink in you immediately Janis: soft cunt Jimmy: immediately after I get changed out of this uniform 💔 for you Janis: i ain't complaining Janis: EXACTLY what we mean when we say love a man in uniform, right ladies 😍 Jimmy: it gets you going, I felt it Jimmy: or you wanna admit to that just being me? 💕 Janis: nah Janis: 100% the apron and promise of the decent discount Jimmy: Knew it Janis: should be glad, like Jimmy: why? Janis: don't want me falling for you, nightmare Jimmy: better than your sister Jimmy: marginally Jimmy: or are you an entirely different girl when it's real 💘? Janis: fuck you fucking marginally, you can say no tah without associating me with her Janis: guess we'll never know Janis: 💔 tragedy Jimmy: not directly Jimmy: I'm sure I'll see it on the 'gram when you're doing this all for real Janis: knew it Janis: #stalkeebecomesthestalker Jimmy: it's my destiny Jimmy: obsessed with you, Juliet Janis: One fake kiss and it's a done deal Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: gift and curse Janis: will be more careful next time i fake date, tah for the experience, like Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Apparently they're having an emergency sleepover at ours tonight... Janis: my sister fully wants me dead, bye 😂 Jimmy: do you have somewhere else you can sleep or is it a one eye open job? Janis: I'll go to my Grandparents Janis: don't need to wake up to them in my face ready to sacrifice me or whatever nah Jimmy: We could say we're having our own emergency sleepover Jimmy: really put the nail in your coffin Janis: 😂 Janis: amazing Jimmy: what's more goals than sleeping with you and still taking you out to dinner, yeah? Jimmy: You're a really good lay, have a steak 😍 you know Janis: you've got a point Janis: beats a text back, like Jimmy: I often do, dickhead, catch up Jimmy: you can stay here if you think it'll get back to the oracle that you weren't Jimmy: here being my house not this 2nd home, don't sleep at the CG, I would be sacked Janis: 🖕 Firstly Janis: Secondly, probably for the best or we'll have start faking the noises and I don't trust them to not wanna go whole hog and watch Janis: the one with the bog eye gonna put me off Janis: soz hun Janis: lastly it's really fucked with my fantasy that you don't tbh, least keep the little hat on Jimmy: my room's a box, that gonna be a problem for you, rich girl? Janis: I'm an actual basement dweller, it's fine Jimmy: My dad is Jimmy: you'll get on like a house on 🔥 Janis: do my best to avoid him even if the walk of shame is fake, he's not gonna know that Jimmy: might fall for him, have a baby & get married Jimmy: happens more than you'd reckon Janis: 🤢 Janis: not my speed Janis: no offense old man Jimmy: for the best, I look nothing like him Jimmy: & I'm your type so Janis: Obviously Jimmy: I'll be in with my brother, knock on the wall if you need owt Jimmy: another fake kiss, a twitter ban, whatever Janis: 🙄 Clearly you don't me but I trust you to control yourself, you know Janis: don't need to exile yourself on my behalf, like Jimmy: If I don't it'll be three in a bed Jimmy: you don't want that Janis: Ah right, fair play Janis: thought the poor bastard might be like 12 or whatever and like piss off jim Jimmy: my sister is Jimmy: ignore her, she'll fuck you up 🥊 Janis: Noted 😏 Jimmy: could be gay & fall in love with you Jimmy: #awkward Janis: I'll calm down how hot I am Janis: apart from that, just a rabid dog too, yeah? Jimmy: It'd be a way to find out 'cause she's never said but probably best if you look as ugly as possible Jimmy: for all our sakes Jimmy: & its only a puppy, you'll survive Janis: Outing your sister is deffo not part of the deal, no Janis: I'm great with dogs Jimmy: Yeah? Take it with you Jimmy: None of us want it Janis: Awh don't be horrible Jimmy: I'm not Jimmy: we don't Janis: um why'd you get it Jimmy: guilt gift for moving to a new country when its not even the start of the school year Jimmy: we weren't asked, I'd have voted for a better telly or summat Janis: ahh, the infinite wisdom of parents Janis: what you need is more pressure and responsibility at a time like that, for sure Jimmy: probably ask my sister if you're taking it & not her off into the sunset too Jimmy: she hates it least Janis: I would but we're not allowed dogs Janis: Mum's a mad cat lady Janis: probably just needs a bit of training, that's all, it'll be more bearable then Jimmy: 💔 gutted for myself more than you Janis: I'll show you how it's done Janis: My Grandparents have a dog and it was lowkey feral before I started Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: before or after you fake seduce me Janis: Hmm, it's hardly foreplay but the first thing I wanna do after a ride is not go to the park, like Janis: save it for another day, boy Janis: so keen Jimmy: busy night this Jimmy: all I'm thinking Janis: 😏 If you can't keep up say now baby Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😂 disappoint me later, fine Jimmy: fake disappointment won't hurt Janis: had worse Jimmy: me too Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: duet Janis: lovely Jimmy: this might be too much to ask but as far as my sister goes, we're dating for real, alright Jimmy: my brother too if he speaks to you but unlikely Janis: yeah, 'course, I get it Janis: they don't need to know and you don't want them too Janis: if mine knew any boundaries I'd be the same Jimmy: tah Jimmy: they should be asleep when we get back from the pub 🤞 Jimmy: but I know better Janis: 👍 Janis: capable of not being a dick when required, honest Jimmy: disappoint me later, fine 😂 Janis: cheek Janis: i can be a dick to you all i like Janis: not actual innocent children Jimmy: You can be a dick to my dad too, as much as you like Jimmy: I encourage it Janis: Good to know Janis: like you reckoned, doubt I'm a parent pleaser Jimmy: He won't be nice to you so don't be 💔 'bout not winning him 'round Janis: s'alright, even if you gotta tell your sister we're actually dating, not like I expect your Da to buy it Jimmy: it's 'cause he'll buy it that he won't Jimmy: He's the only one allowed to look for happiness in the arms of whoever Janis: I feel you Janis: and I'm offering neither, such a shame, coulda been such good mates Jimmy: gotta get this orchestra on wheels Jimmy: me arms are tired from the in & out Janis: 😒 stamina who Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: so worried 'bout my fake stamina Jimmy: I can go all night when I'm pretending, babe Janis: 😂 whatta claim Jimmy: how do you wanna out us to the world though? Jimmy: play coy like we were pretending we didn't but still got caught or be brazen about me fake rocking your world? Janis: I don't think coy is gonna look very real after all this Janis: not saying we need to announce it to the whole world but you know Jimmy: so pub pics & morning after? Jimmy: let them do the work Janis: Exactly Jimmy: walk this fucking dog with me Jimmy: if that ain't #goals it should be so I don't have to do it Janis: it's a puppy, bitches loves puppies Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: don't know if she'd fit in a handbag Janis: do I look like I'm bringing a handbag Jimmy: just saying fuck knows if she's #goals Jimmy: too late to swap her if she ain't Janis: send me a pic Janis: you must have one Jimmy: on my phone Jimmy: why? Jimmy: hang on, maybe if one of us is also in it Janis: 💔🐶 Jimmy: [sends a pic of Twix and Bobby 'cause it'd show how old he is & how that don't add up to his behavior as has been mentioned so Janis like hmmm] Janis: Adorable Janis: Can work with that Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you want me to come in or meet you there Janis: just got into town Jimmy: meet me there, your fave barista's gone home already Janis: you don't even know which one I think is fit Janis: shameless Jimmy: Yeah I do Janis: if you say you I swear down Jimmy: 😂 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: for real though Jimmy: its Pete Janis: Which one is that? I've not read all your nametags and you swap 'em anyways #bants Jimmy: not knowing names is my thing Jimmy: try again Janis: 😒 really Jimmy: Am I right or not? Jimmy: nowt hard about the question Janis: Why's it even matter Janis: shut up Jimmy: if it don't, answer it Jimmy: you're making it more of a thing Janis: you're the one banging on about it still Jimmy: come on, Janis Janis: Fine, it's him Janis: not like that's a declaration of love Jimmy: you're not the only one who can screenshot Jimmy: can be if needs Janis: die literally Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: love you too Janis: 🖕 Janis: what was i meant to do whilst i was hanging around the other day, like Janis: rank the shitty drinks or what Jimmy: lust after pete was the only idea that landed 👌 Janis: actual idiot Jimmy: now I know I can be more like him, make things easier for you to fake Jimmy: actual idiot is top one Janis: remind me never to tell you anything ever again 😑 Jimmy: bit snide when you know loads bout me now but alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: If you wanna know anything actual, just ask Janis: you coming out with bait questions like which barista is the least offensive on the eyes so Jimmy: whatever, I don't Janis: 👍 Jimmy: Just be better at my angles than Mia Jimmy: 'cause I'm on route Janis: like it's hard Jimmy: after that 🥇 all times you Jimmy: I remember Janis: ain't offering a reminder, so good Jimmy: 💔💔💔💔 Jimmy: don't change your mind when you see how I look #awks Janis: 🙄 Please Jimmy: #pete who Janis: 💀kill me now Jimmy: if you die now you can't go to heaven by calling me pete when we fake fuck? 🎻 hang on in there, baby Janis: Literally gonna leave if you don't shut it Jimmy: tragedy Jimmy: I'm not gonna keep you against your will, not what this is Janis: getting a round out of you first, you invited me Jimmy: you can uninvite me or yourself any time Janis: behave Jimmy: 💔 too late Janis: Come on Jimmy: I don't run, I told you Jimmy: going as fast as I can Janis: the real tragedy Jimmy: not gonna make me learn the violin for real but 👌 Janis: least you don't need lungs for it Janis: fucked if you were planning to take up the sax Jimmy: #savage Janis: true though Janis: deal with it, baby Jimmy: funnily enough my life aint destroyed by a lack of sax Jimmy: change a letter & maybe Janis: alright, dad Janis: such jokes Jimmy: 😎 Jimmy: get what you pay for, rich girl Jimmy: this is my lowest tier banter like Janis: feel sorry for the poor bitches doing it just 'cos then Janis: fuck me Jimmy: start a # Jimmy: you love 'em Janis: obvs Janis: any cause Jimmy: raise enough, rehome my dog Janis: actually gonna have to call animal welfare ain't I Jimmy: yeah go on Janis: don't be heartless Janis: could get given to someone worse Jimmy: 😂 Janis: 💔 Jimmy: could get eaten by leprechauns Jimmy: cheer up, Jasmine Janis: say you love her, like Janis: go on Jimmy: why do you want me to lie to you? Jimmy: we at that stage already? Janis: yeah Janis: clearly Janis: make me feel so much better and really what's important here? Jimmy: I 💘🐶 Jimmy: screenshot it if you want Janis: Good enough Janis: and not gonna make a habit of it Jimmy: which bit, asking me to lie or taking screenshots? Janis: I meant the screenshots but I'll think about the lying Janis: Hmm Jimmy: I'm not really gonna dob you into Pete Janis: Duh, you've got nothing to say Jimmy: Bollocks Jimmy: but I don't wanna talk to him Jimmy: keep your sacred tools Janis: Me either Janis: shatter the illusion Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: I know what you wanna do Janis: ew Janis: i said he was fit not that Jimmy: ⬆ standards, right Janis: fuck off Jimmy: alright Jimmy: not through the doors yet so easy Janis: don't be dramatic Janis: just stop talking about him i ain't interested Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: what Jimmy: nowt Janis: alright Jimmy: 🚬 Jimmy: you coming out or staying in? Janis: gonna twos it Jimmy: is that a question or #couple goals Janis: a question, i don't think anyone's glamourized smoking in about 100 years Jimmy: I can Jimmy: If you want Janis: Yeah Janis: Go on then Jimmy: 👍