#and it's just disheartening because sometimes we just think we'll instantly lose out even though English is technically our first language

[firewoodfigs]

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#😞😞😞 #this week has been such an oddity to navigate thru bcs like. we got out of pseudo lockdown and leapt back into it bcs cases started spiking #again #lmao I'm just so sick of living in this perpetual state of uncertainty and anxiety!!!! grRAAAAHHHH #anyway I'm getting my second dose of the vaccine tmr and I'm kinda nervous bcs I hate needles and also #I haven't fallen sick in a really long time so I've kinda forgotten how awful it feels LOL #my heart rate is picking up the more I think about it so I am trying to think about other things AHAHAHAHA #maybe tmr I will be like. hey can u give me a sec just lemme plug in a tswift song #personal #not fma #I really wanna get out of this country and find myself somewhere where I can lose myself in the woods #and write some sad tunes while sitting on a sturdy tree that won't betray me TTTTTT #also this is gonna be a long rant but the other day I had a really long heartfelt talk with one of my closest friends #who's in a band and does music for a living #and it's just. sometimes it feels like it's so difficult for non-white people like us to make it in a larger market #and it's just disheartening because sometimes we just think we'll instantly lose out even though English is technically our first language #because our diction is awful and our accent is foreign and etc etc #also I am grateful for many things in our homeland but the arts scene is def not one of them #gaaaaaAAaaAAAHHHH #many thoughts and existential crises but no solutions thus far #so I guess we'll just keep writing and trying and experimenting with different sounds and lyrics :') #I'm just happy that at least we've got each other's support along the way and I am so excited for her upcoming music video <3 #which I will absolutely link here because!!! the world deserves to hear her amazing voice #but yea. sometimes I just wish we had a better platform and overall better support #instead of people constantly dissing music as a backup plan for people who couldn't perform well in school #and/or a job with no future prospects #I sometimes wish I was born elsewhere with a better appreciation of literature and music and the arts in general but : ( #in the meantime I'll probably be stuck here for awhile until I save up enough and muster up the courage to move!!!!!!!! or smt LOL