#and its just like.... i feel very celebrated ig

[bluest-planet]

Having emotions over the fact that Kingdom Hearts as a series is probably the closest thing in mainstream media (to me, there of course might be more out there but like it different because its a product of major IPs) to like, aromantic and asexual themes and queerness being so intertwined with its 'friendship prevails' and 'forging connections' messaging.

Like. Yeah, theres the disney couples, and whatever the hell might be implied between characters like Kairi and Sora or Namine and Riku, or even Riku and Sora. But that's the thing, its not confirmed.

Like, sure, its enough for normies to maybe connect the "boy and girl therefore couple" despite how little there is to fall in line with that expectation because it takes so little for allos to believe in romantic love, that just a girl and a boy who care about one another yet barely speak is enough to confirm it.

But theres also, so, so much evidence against it too, if you just look to the side for a second.

Like, there's no big confession, there's no kiss or proposal of some kind (i mean theres the paopu but, im pretty sure they both have two separate fruits rather than one,) they have more characters in their lives to care about then just themselves, and maybe its the aro in me but they have like. Barely any chemistry and feel more like far away friends, where they left impact on one another but have an awkwardness/unfamiliarity between them.

And like, yeah, I think reading Riku as gay on his own- or both he and Sora having romantic feelings for one another is totally valid, esp considering how much is centered between their relationship.

But... It also... Warms my heart to just know they love and care about one another... Intertwined... But it could be entirely platonic. Not strictly as Brothers or Lovers but something else, be it best friends or queerplatonic partners or something entirely else that drifts between all of those labels.

They just care. And that's enough, thats valid, and its celebrated.

But what gets me the most, even if its not explored a lot, is Sora and his connection with everyone and his other heartmates (Xion, Roxas, Vanitas, Ventus). He has cute friendships in every world! He's friends with so many different people who are always happy to see him and invite him to comeback, always happy to help him if he needs it while he visits so long as it was within their power (the various disney characters) as if he has a home everywhere he goes, he's not actually bound to any one place.

Which yeah, that might seem sad to people. The idea that Sora might not have a definitive home because hes been changed so much on his journey, so much hardship.

But that's kind of mean to think, isn't it? Sometimes people loose their childhood homes, but that doesn't mean you can't build an even better one elsewhere. That doesn't mean you should be bound to any one place, maybe his home is just his friends, any and all of them- wherever he is, so long as he's with anyone he cares about it'll be home. And if his friends aren't there?

He'll make more, not because he's replacing them, but because he just has so much space and so much love for the world around him. He's willing to keep expanding his horizons and making more connections, more homes so he'll never be homeless again. Does that make sense?

It might be hard in 4, whatever will happen to him in Quadratum, but thats what its about; how he'll recover in his darkest hour while relying on what he's learned and being himself but improved.

The fact that Sora has gone to so many worlds and made so many friends- something Ventus wanted to do so bad, and yet. He carried Ven and took him along for the ride while he was resting. To me its heartwarming, Ven may be asleep, but he's not being abandoned, he's right along with him enjoying it in his dreams. Sora's not alone with his companion even if he doesn't realize it.

I always define my gender as "We as in Me but upside down" or "the sum of conversations and experiences shared with others, including myself" because i usually use "we" to refer to myself (not here for simplicity's sake) I dont need romance or desire to be a person, or to enjoy life. I'm never alone, even if theres no one in the room. I get that from Sora, y'know?

How Xion and Roxas spawn from him, I'd wish we got more between them. But just knowing how much he wanted to save Roxas, Ventus, Aqua, Xion, Vanitas- he helps the people who both are and aren't him, or make up who he is or reflect- he care about them. And its because he cares about them, that he cares about the people they care about.

Sure, if he didn't have some connection to Ven and therefore Aqua- he'd still try and save her because that's just how he is. He cares. But at the same time, it means more because he knows how Ven feels, thats his friend, and therefore, Sora's friend. He doesn't care if he's ever met her he just jumps at the chance to save Aqua and hold onto the small thread tied between them. Same with Xion.

I'm sorry, I'm not making much sense, am I? I'm not good at articulating my thoughts. But the fact that he uses any small connection as an excuse to get closer to someone who means a lot to someone he cares a lot- it makes my heart flutter! I wished all the people i cared about got along and were friends with each other too. I wish I could visit and rely on people from all across the world too, because i would never want to settle in any one place if i realistic could. I'd keep my loved ones safe in my heart if they needed it, if i could, and carry them wherever I go, hoping to share all the same pleasant experiences. Or I'd be fine splitting pieces of myself, just to keep me company to know what I must look like outside of my own perspective, to know how else i could inevitably change into another person entirely to meet up and compare lives later, enjoying the differences.

I wish I could offer a chance at something better to the same face, to say; i see your anger and your path refuse to think its okay to be self-destructive, now come home. And my brighter, happier self, to get the happy ending i deserve by saving myself while also being a friend to myself. Waking up from the bad dream at last, to enjoy an awakened life full of connections.

But I cant, and thats okay, my life is one I enjoy regardless, but Kingdom Hearts... Is in many ways- the ultimate aromantic and asexual fantasy for me. And maybe even a few others.

#kh #kingdom hearts #asexuality #aromantic #kh sora #kh analysis #ig #blue speaks #is this anything? sorry im putting myself out there.... #of course being aroace is super varied and what im saying here doesn't apply to all aroaces #and hey id love to celebrate other aroace readings of kh! #ik mine is very heavily centered on what counts as the “self” and what i call “self company” #for a long time ive imagined not other people or personaities exactly.... #but closer to imaginary friends or facets of myself to talk to since ive been on my own a lot #its transformed as ive grown into a type of gender identity mixed with my aroace part #so the heart hotel is just such a lart of that #on that note. ik roxas and xion and ven and van are all their own people and that people find comfort knowing they're allowed to be #but when you have a gender like my own.... they're they're one people but they're also one... does that make sense? #if you could be friends with yourself. keep you safe. take care of you. have fun toegether.... and experience the same event differently... #idk theres feels about that #didn't get into it but yeah. sora leaves the islands that are his home and friends home in other people #and he wants to explore but it's different from why riku wants to leave #Riku leaves to explore learn and experience more things and discover the unknown #but Sora never 'leaves' the islands for good. He expands his definition of home. building a bigger house with materials he's given #idk if that makes ense again.... my bad LOL #edit: im tired and riddled with a shit tone of grammar and word mistakes about so excuse the incoherency lol

[weenhands]

#DOMT look at this im still documenting my process on being on the fence about possibly getting diagnosed for autism Dont look #just. realizing things #like. i know its fixations on celebrities but sometimes its people i know in person its not that i need to be with them 24/7 i just #i Have to collect information about a particular person at times #Actually. Now that we are on topic of this i remember having that feeling towards smaller internet celebrities on instagram and #smaller youtuberz #and actually going to very great lengths to research as much information on them as possible #plus mimicking their behavior alot. Hm ash i wonder why #DONT LOOOOK #look i used to be like Yea i dont really collect information about things im interested in 👍 #and sometimes its awkward when im in a space where autistic ppl r everywhere and tend to show that #they themselves collect lots of information on their interests (yes the mcr fandom) #but. i literally do have a history of this. two times it being internet celebrities/youtubers and once it being on haircare itself. #i remember telling myself i could probably do anyones hair. Anyone. because i know so much about it and the complexities #rn my special interest is makeup of course. but im studying how it can turn into info collecting + on people itself . #idk ldjsjdhdhdhduwodjsofiowdid i know i am hashtag confirmed autistic a year ago but i need a much more deeper understanding of myself ig

[a-kaash-me-outside]

˚₊‧ ᴡɪʟʟ ɪᴛ ʙᴇ ᴄᴀsᴜᴀʟ ɴᴏᴡ? ‧₊˚

♡ ft. geto, toji, gojo, higuruma, nanami ♡ total wc: 10.9k // nsfw minors dni! // ♡ contents: ౨ৎ 𝑎 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑢𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 ౨ৎ, afab reader she/her pronouns, no smut in gojos or tojis im sorry, emotionally stunted men kinda but they grow isnt that nice (not talking abt higuruma and nanami god no), the aftermath of fwb caught feelings, consolation, emotional aftercare ig, lotta domestic fluff for higuruma and nanami's!!!! (everyone say ty @noosayog for nanami's bc she is the only reason i wrote his) ♡ listen along: casual by chappell roan ♡

- ᡣ𐭩 time passes and people change, and just because you fell first doesn't mean you don't get a happy ending + bonus continuation of higuruma's and nanami's ᡣ𐭩 -

ᯓᡣ𐭩 ɢᴇᴛᴏ [ 3 ʏᴇᴀʀs ]

on the list of people that you thought you’d see tonight, geto isn’t even in the top 100, not because of probability or likelihood, but solely based on the fact that you have not thought about this man in years. if you were asked the question from your future self, “holy shit, guess who we saw tonight?” you would’ve listed old friends, distant relatives, exes, minor celebrities, other flings, teachers from high school, people from stories you’ve only heard of, and then geto. 

after that night, you really didn’t see barely any of him. a few posts on your feed: one 2 weeks after and another 2 months after that one when you remembered that you forgot to unfollow him. once on campus: him across a million tables getting lunch with some girl too long after your little thing for you to care about who she was to him at all. once at a mutual (though you didn’t know was mutual at the time) friend’s party close to graduation: you ran into him grabbing a drink from the cooler and neither of you said a single word to each other, just exchanged a very knowing glance.

fast forward a handful of years, with geto not on your mind during a single one of them, and you’re stunned, nearly speechless, as you recognize him across the bar. the track of which your mind is racing takes you stop after stop to thoughts and feelings you didn’t really ask to experience. they follow a curving roadmap in your mind of: why is he here? ↝ wow, he looks great ↝ does he live nearby still? ↝ that’s weird ↝ no, it isn’t weird, i still live here ↝ then what are the fucking chances that he’s here ↝ no, seriously he looks so good

he looks different though, you realize about 3 minutes into sneaking glances in his direction, in some way that you just can’t put your finger on right now. in your slightly tipsy state, you barely stop to ask yourself how you even clocked that it was him so quickly, how there was no hesitance in the recognition or questioning in the placing. he looks really fucking good.

in fact, now that all of the obligatory thoughts have come to a heed, that’s really the only thing that you can think about. how good he looks.

the events that happened that ended your situationship all of those years ago are nothing but outlines now; whatever you said or he said just sounds like underwater conversations. you can see the way that you left and you remember being dumbfounded, but everything else has lost its sting, like a story you’d recall to a friend of a friend in a setting much like the one you’re in. time has handled the memory the way that time does and as a result, when the two of you finally make eye contact after what feels like an hour of missed mutual glances, you offer a small wave. a wave that says, “i remember only knowing you in past tense. we are such different people now, i wonder what it would’ve been like if we met now instead.”

the wave was the first step, technically, sure, but he makes the literal first step. he departs from the conversation he’s been enthralled with for as long as you’ve been stealing glances and he weaves between people in the middle of their own stories before ending up in front of you. 

when he does, he asks, as if he’s just randomly bumped into you rather than intentionally coming over, “shit… is that you?” he puts his hand on the back of your chair, thumb brushing your shoulder.

the friend that you’re with cocks their head, furrows their eyebrows, has no idea who this is or their connection to you, the timelines of their interactions with you spaced too far apart for one to know the other. geto notices this look, addresses it. “we used to…,” he pauses, “see each other? for a little bit.”

you can’t help the laugh that bubbles up from your chest at the way he describes it. “yes, yes we did,” you nod. “back in college,” you explain a little further, “been a while.”

the interaction quiets, the two of you exchanging soft smiles instead of words, and your friend knows where this thing is going before either of you even do, so they bow their head, offer their seat to geto, and take their leave in the name of some bullshit excuse. he takes it without a second thought, asking you how you’ve been, laughing about the time that you saw each other at that party, and after an hour of just talking he says, “yeah, i actually thought about you the other day.”

you nearly choke on the drink he’s bought you. you rush to put it down. “you did?” you ask.

he nods. “i don’t even remember what prompted it. i think, maybe, i saw a photo of myself from college and how different i looked and how different i feel now and then just, out of nowhere, remembered how shitty i was to you.” 

you don’t say anything in return, running your finger around the lip of your glass as you stare at him. you don’t know how to say that you don’t care anymore, that you haven’t thought of those days in years, that the surprise that you displayed a few seconds ago was completely genuine, because you were so convinced that neither of you had. it comes out something like a shrug and, “we were practically kids.”

he answers so quickly, “well, kids or not, i’m sorry.”

you laugh, gently so he won’t think you’re laughing at his apology. really, you’re laughing at the notion of apologizing for an act that no longer warrants forgiveness. you laugh at the thought of giving it anyways. you place your hand on top of his on the edge of the bar. “thank you,” you nod. he nods back. 

when you let him take you back to his place for old times sake, you’re half-expecting the same person from the ghosts of memories from years ago, like all of the things he said at the bar were just a last ditch effort to usher the night in the exact direction that it’s heading in. 

but he’s different now, just like he said he was before he apologized, and you can feel it in his movements and his actions. more confident, more intentional. he kisses you first and it doesn’t taste selfish. it doesn’t feel rushed to get to the main event. he savors it, holds your head in his hands, and doesn’t touch a single other inch of your body until he’s found the right combination of fingertip pressure and tongue that has you melting into his palm.

your mind flickers to the notion that these actions might be pre planned because they feel so meticulous and thought out, but that impression quickly dissolves when he sinks inside of you, slowly, keeping his eyes locked on yours as he does, his hand reaching down to cup your cheek, fingers nearly trembling against your jaw when he presses his hips completely against the insides of your thighs. 

“shit,” he hisses, hands moving down to your waist, fingers light like feathers practically crawling against your skin, as if each print was so grateful it got to make contact with the softness below. when he grips into the fat of your hips, he’s careful, intentional or not, pressing his thumbs into the bone, but not letting his nails leave a single mark. it’s pressured, but comfortable. 

he holds you in place, slowly pulling his hips back and he can’t help but look down between your legs, watching himself disappear inside of you, a creamy mess at the base, shallow breaths recycled in his chest. 

“hey,” you say, eyes locked on the tenseness of his jaw and the way that he stops himself with sharp inhales. he finds your gaze in a second. “don’t hold out on me here.” you rest your arm on his bicep, fingers curling around wherever they can reach.

you can feel it under your palm, his muscle tensing as his pace picks up, rhythm consistent, but unrelenting. the breaths come out of you quickly and you’re unable to hold any sort of facade. “ah- shit, f-fuck,” you cry, “holy shit.” you squeeze your eyes shut, swallowing harshly as strangled noises leave you without vetting a single one.

“n-no,” you shake your head, regretting it instantly as he slows down in response. you shake your head harder, “no, don’t stop, but- ah,” you groan, “your- you were- i meant,” you exhale a laugh, “let me hear you.”

his eyes widen slightly as he processes what you want from him, and then he listens. he leans down to kiss your lips and then your cheek and then your jaw and then your ear. yes, he’s fucking you better than you’ve ever been fucked in your entire life, but that’s not what makes you crumble. no, it’s his grunts and pants and breathy groans pressed right up against your skin. 

you thread your fingers into his hair, twirling the ends of the locks between the tips, raking your nails down the base of his neck to the front, and then smoothing them down his chest. “more,” you mumble against him, and you’re not sure exactly what you mean, but he gives it to you, whatever it is. you’re certain he’d give you anything in the world right now if you just asked for it.

there’s a moment after when you’re lying there with him, shoulder pressed up against his, chest heaving, barely recovered, that you find yourself back in that college dorm. you don’t know why the tightness is rising in the hollow below your sternum, but it is. you remind yourself that you weren’t expecting anything from this anyway, so it doesn’t matter, but it does. you’re not sure if you just don’t want to be treated like that again or if it has something to do with geto being the one lying beside you. 

when you turn your head to face him, he’s already looking at you. he doesn’t shy away in embarrassment, like it’s wrong that he’d be gazing at you after all of that. his features are steady, confident, strong. he smiles softly, brings his hand up to cup your cheek. “should we get breakfast in the morning?”

in the morning, you repeat in your head. you wait a beat, trying to come up with something to say, to proceed with caution or to discern his intentions or to at least not sound desperate, but all that comes out is, “in the morning?” 

he nods, turning on his side so he can stare at you without his neck getting sore. he inches closer to you, kissing the top of your shoulder and then your temple. he drapes his arm over your stomach. “if that’s okay with you,” he says and then kisses you again.

“okay,” you nod back, lazy smile on your lips, eyelids heavy at the warmth surrounding you now as he pulls you closer to him. “yeah, sure,” you affirm, voice so soft and airy that the tightness in your chest is lifted away with the words, all that’s left is a hope you feel comfortable letting stick around.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 ᴛᴏᴊɪ [ 3 ᴍᴏɴᴛʜs ]

you are not expecting anyone. you have resigned yourself to a nice pair of pajamas and comfy socks and a warm cup of tea and a spot in the living room that you will only leave for a refill and bathroom breaks. you are tucked into the corner of your couch, back pressed up against the sturdy arm, legs crossed, and a throw blanket over your lap.

you are not expecting anyone, so the sound at the door should have felt a lot more jarring. well, it is jarring for a second, a few seconds actually, the echoing disruption bouncing off of the walls of your living room and back to you, but then the noises repeat themselves, like they’re on a looping track, and you realize that-

you know that knock. heavy-handed with a tight fist, back of the knuckles, not the tops. almost pittering out by the end of the three successions, like the first one is direct and assured, but the second and third don’t really bother keeping up. that knock almost makes you run to the door. if it were 3 months ago, you’d be skipping to the door. 

but you hesitate for a few reasons. firstly because when the connection hits that you know that knock very well, you remind yourself to proceed with caution. secondly because it sounds the same but with a difference as small as a hairline fracture. you heard that knock far too many times during the span of a year and a half, and this one sounds almost completely identical, but there’s a half second pause between the first knock and the second knock and the raps feel less impatient. 

you don’t have to look through the peephole to know who’s standing on the other side of the door, but you’re glad you do anyway. if for nothing else, it gives you a slight edge, you’re convinced, like you’ve seen him first, you have the upperhand now. at least, that’s what you tell yourself. 

toji hadn’t contacted you since he left that day. no texts. no calls. no showing up at your apartment at 3 am. nothing. you kept telling yourself that you’d hear from him. when that didn’t happen, you started telling yourself that you didn’t care if you heard from him. you’ve actually been waiting for this moment, replaying what it would look like if he came back, the things you’d say to him and how you’d say them.

now, looking out at him just standing there, you’re frozen. every scenario you’ve replayed in your head, all of the emotional venting and blow out screaming that you’ve rehearsed and you can’t recall a single scene. you think about leaving him out there, about telling him to go away through the door or just pretending like you’re not home.

“i can see the shadow of your feet under the door,” toji calls out, muffled by the barrier between you guys, and yet it still rings out through your entire body. 

you slowly open the door. though, even if it took an entire hour to open the door, you’re not sure it would’ve mattered. you don’t think time is something that could’ve prepared you for seeing him. seeing him didn’t even prepare you for seeing him. you don’t know what to say, so you don’t say anything, folding your arms over your chest. you just wait. 

“i-,” he starts, but then immediately stops, half sighs/half scoffs as he leans his chest forward, eyes scanning the inside of your apartment, for what exactly you’re not sure. 

“what, toji?” you ask, voice stronger- and more annoyed- than you anticipate it being. you’re grateful for that. “why are you here?”

“shit, this is already hard enough for me t-,” he says, shaking his head, corner of his mouth tugging upward in frustration. 

you narrow your eyes, cutting him off, “sorry, this is hard for you?” you feel like laughing or strangling him more than you do crying, which is a desired outcome in this situation, you suppose. “you know that you haven’t talked to me in three months, right? you haven’t talked to me?” you ask, and you can feel your pulse in your wrist and your chest now, because the lines are coming back to you slowly, one by one, circling your brain, fueling your confidence. 

“yeah, no, of course i know that,” he combats, like you’re the one that’s being an asshole right now. 

you smooth your fingertips against your eyes, blocking the sight of him out for just a second before gesturing with your hand as you ask, “are you going to answer my question or…?”

“look, i said that this is hard enough as it is for me to just be here,” he snaps, and if you were a little less annoyed, if he hadn’t come at this whole thing exactly how he was, you might’ve clocked the desperation in his voice or the uncertainty in his pupils. 

“do you know how fucking stupid you sound right now?” you ask. it’s a rhetorical question. 

one week after he left, you were certain he was going to come back. you and toji had gone a week without seeing each other or even speaking. you had even gone two weeks. sure, the conversation felt much more serious and, sure, really deep down you knew this time was different, but still, you held out dumb hope. 

one month after he left and you realized this was not just him being weird and distant. this was something brand new that you had never had to deal with before. you were still trying to figure out how to navigate it when the two month realization hit: that maybe he wasn’t coming back at all, ever, maybe you had done something wrong. if he had shown back up on your doorstep during that time this conversation would’ve gone very differently you think. 

but he didn’t. he showed up at month three when your reaction to random memories of toji were no longer tears and guilt, but laughter and bitterness. there weren’t many things that toji could say right now that would warrant anything more than you standing in your doorway for 4 minutes or less. 

“i-,” he starts, but then sighs. he looks left, down the hallway of your building, eyes shifting from object to object out of your view. 

“please don’t waste anymore of my time,” you reply and it’s softer than you intend. you thought it’d come out angrier. that seems like a theme for you tonight: everything sounding different in your head. when he doesn’t reply, you start a countdown, promising yourself that when you make it to 15, you’ll close the door in his face. you only make it to 13.

“i’m not here to waste your time,” he says, with no air of disgust or annoyance, the first halfway decent thing he’s said to you tonight. “i-,” he huffs again, “i’m here to say sorry. and-,” he hesitates. 

you wait, just listening. the longer that he hesitates, the more time you have to think about what he might say and how you’re standing with your door open for the entire floor to hear your conversation. you’re not sure what’s worse, having this conversation in the confines of familiar grounds or the openness of neutrality.

“and ask… are you already seeing someone else?” he finishes. 

you’re dumbfounded, blinking at him slowly before responding in the only way you can think of right now, “goodnight, toji.” you shake your head, cursing yourself for expecting anything more.

“no,” he rushes to say and then stumbles over the rest, “i- i tried to see somebody else, quite a bit of other people actually…”

you scoff, squinting at him, saying more sternly this time, with an added attestation of closing the door in his face, “goodnight, toji.”

he reaches out with a quick reflex, grabbing the door before you’ve barely even moved it. “wait, no, i- fuck,” he mutters, scrambling, “can i just come in?”

“so that was your plan then?” you drop your hand from the door. “to come back here unannounced, be shitty to me, ask if i’m sleeping with anyone, tell me that you’ve slept with lots of people, and then ask if you can come inside?” you ask.

“i didn’t have a plan-,” he replies.

“clearly,” you interject.

“but i’m trying,” he finishes, and you’re waiting for there to be more, to explain exactly how this constitutes as trying, because you don’t really see that here.

“fucking christ, toji, you’re going to have to try harder than whatever the fuck this is,” you sneer. 

“we- we had a good thing,” he tries again. you don’t understand how every time he opens his mouth it gets worse and worse. why are you even entertaining this anymore?

“fuck you, man,” you scoff, and it feels like all of the anger has left your body, and in the void where it once was present is nothing but disinterest. 

“no, not like that,” he backpedals. maybe if he would say more than four words at a time, or four better words at a time, then you wouldn’t have to keep filling in the blanks or being pissed off or- “for the last six months of our relationship, i didn’t sleep with anyone else,” he admits like it’s the answer to all of your problems. the word relationship burns at the forefront of your mind so hard that you don’t realize what he’s said for 10 whole seconds.

“i, so what?” your voice is unconvincing even to your own ears. you had slept with other people even 2 months before that last day. that wasn’t the issue. you guys were allowed to sleep with other people. you had an explicit conversation about the fact that you could sleep with other people, something along the lines of, hey, we can see other people right? yeah, we’re not fucking dating. okay, just checking.

the so what, you had already answered for yourself, inner voice replying to your own question, screaming, you guys were exclusive, unknowingly to each other, for 2 whole months before you confessed and he left. 

his answer is much different. he says, “so nothing really. i just- i needed you to know that.”

“well, what the fuck do you want me to do with that?” you ask, and it comes out bitter and discouraged, but what you really mean is, please tell me what you want, please, can you just tell me that you missed me. 

“whatever you want,” he answers instead.

you take a deep breath, a million emotions coursing through your veins and up your throat. “you know what?” you say, and it doesn’t sound angry, it sounds playful, “no, seriously,” you smile and then you laugh, “fuck you, toji.” you close your mouth like you’re done talking, like that’s all you needed to say, but your heart disagrees, forces more words out into the air no matter how hard your jaw is clenched shut.

“you show up here and you’re an asshole and then you’re decent and then you say shit like that and then- then i ask you what you fucking want from this, what you’re trying to play at here and you tell me whatever i want?” you say, exasperated. 

“what i wanted was for you not to leave me three fucking months ago. that’s what i wanted,” you spit, “i wanted you to tell me this shit three fucking months ago before i sat alone, by myself, sad and then angry, and the entire time, fucking missing you, you fucking asshole. that’s what i wanted.”

and then it’s there, out in the open, airing for the two of you to witness and to face, and no matter what happens, you know you’ve done everything and said everything that you’ve needed to. he’s quiet for a few moments and you let him be, not tapping your foot or rolling your eyes or being pissed off, but just letting it play out. if this is the last time you ever see toji, why not just let it play out?

“okay,” he says, and it’s soft in a way you’ve only ever heard from him one time in your entire relationship. “i’m sorry.” he pauses. “i really don’t know how to do this,” he admits and you believe him. it feels different from when he told you something along those lines earlier, but you have a feeling that this is what he was trying to say all along. 

“do what?” you push, because your mind is making assumptions, but if he’s going to prove anything to you, he needs to start now. 

“ask for forgiveness?” he says, like he’s thinking out loud, “apologize? date someone?” you don’t say anything. you’re looking for something more concrete than that. it takes a handful of uncomfortable seconds before he says, “actually care about someone.”

“and do you?” you ask.

his lips press into a thin line, his eyes shift from left to right again. you can feel him getting antsy with the conversation and he’s barely said one vulnerable thing. you look at him, eyes soft and pleading, silently begging him that if he’s grown from this, you’ll let him back in, you swear, but you’ve been hurt before and you know what you’re worth, so you’re going to need some sort of evidence as collateral. “yeah,” he mumbles, but it’s audible. “you,” he says like it isn’t obvious, and it’s quiet and daunted, but you really appreciate the effort.

“okay,” you say, and that’s all you say.

“okay?” he questions, confused. “that’s it?” 

“yup,” you say, but your small smile and the fact that you’re not slamming the door in his face again gives away a bit more than that. 

“can i… come in?” he asks, hesitant, like he’s still being tested.

you shake your head, hand gripped onto the edge of the door. “no,” you say, scrunching up your nose and furrowing your eyebrows. “because if you come in here, we’re going to have sex,” you admit, half because it’s the truth and half just to see the look on his face. (it’s worth it.)

“wait,” he says, placing his palm flat against your door, but not moving it. his hand is now inside of your apartment, the only part of his body that’s made it past this invisible barrier of hallway and your place. “that sounds like a great thing. why am i not allowed in?”

“because this is me having self-control,” you explain, placing a hand on his shoulder and pushing the small portion of him that’s crossed the division back into the hallway. when you feel his skin against your pinky, soft fabric of that familiar shirt underneath your palm, you almost make a fool of yourself right after you say the word self-control, but you remind yourself what’s at stake here, what you really want. 

“i came all the way out here to see you-,” he starts, but he doesn’t make a move to replace his hand on your door, letting his arm fall back to his side. it’s for the better, too, because you’re not sure how much more self-control you have already, no matter how much you tell yourself about longevity and whatever. 

“if you really care,” you interrupt him, using his few vulnerable words against him, “and you weren't just trying to sleep with me tonight,” you pause, letting those words sink in, “you will go home and you will call me tomorrow morning and we will get breakfast- the least sexy meal of them all- and then maybe coffee if i enjoy hanging out with you outside of just having sex with you, and then we will go from there.”

“i-,” he starts to protest, but you cock your head. the truth is, if he said another word, reached out and touched your cheek or your hip or really anywhere on your body, if he kissed you, or just walked inside of your apartment and sat down on your couch, you wouldn’t have stopped him. you might even have gotten breakfast with him anyways. he doesn’t know that, you don’t think, but even if he does, he doesn’t act on it. he bows his head slightly, conceding, and says, “okay. i will just… talk to you… tomorrow… then.”

you nod. “goodnight, toji,” you say, hand on the door, closing it as slowly as you opened it. 

“uh, yea, night,” he says back. you won’t tell anyone, and neither will he, about the stupidest small smile you see on his lips as he leaves your apartment that night or the fact that he wakes up extra early the next morning, muttering under his breath about how ridiculous dating is before he calls you at 9:30 on the dot.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 ɢᴏᴊᴏ [ 3 ᴡᴇᴇᴋs ]

being away from ɢᴏᴊᴏ feels like detoxing. not from like hard drugs or alcohol, but… coffee. 

like you know it’s not necessarily good for you, drinking it every day, but it’s a habit you’ve had for a while now and you just can’t seem to break it. it’s not really hurting anything in your day-to-day and you’ve been doing it for so long that it’s probably fine to just keep doing it.

but out of nowhere it hits you that maybe drinking coffee as much as you do is a waste of money and even if you don’t feel the negative effects constantly in your daily routine, you remind yourself of the times where you could distinctly feel the thump of your heart and the unsteady of your hands. you recall the time that you stayed up all night for the promise of a cup of coffee to get you through the day. in every memory that you’ve ever had in your entire college career, you’re holding a cup of coffee.

so one day you make the choice to stop. you stop buying coffee from coffee shops and pods for your coffee maker and cups from diners and accepting free ones from friends. you don’t really need a good cup of coffee as badly as you think you do. and it’s stupid, you think, because it’s just coffee. it doesn’t mean anything. just because you’ve been drinking it consistently for quite awhile doesn’t mean it has any sort of hold over you. it’s just coffee. 

but then the headaches come and the irritation sets in and nights are hard, but for some reason mornings are unbearable, and you feel antsy all the time and you haven’t left your room in the past three days and the only thing you want is a cup of fucking coffee and you can’t relapse with coffee; it’s fucking coffee. 

yeah, being away from gojo feels a lot like detoxing from coffee. 

you try to just not see him. it’ll be easier for you if you just don’t see him, you tell yourself. you go out of your way to avoid his walking path on campus and you refuse to leave your dorm when you don’t absolutely need to in fear of bumping into him or worse, just seeing him from afar, and god forbid you even come within three streets of the corner where his apartment resides. you block his number and you delete social media off of your phone for the time being, too many mutual friends to make casualties, and you do not let yourself think about him. not falling asleep, not when you wake up, not while you’re doing homework, not in your dreams or in the shower, not when something reminds you of him, not when you see his favorite show on your recently watched, not when you really need a good cup of coffee. 

and it works for a while.

but not forever.

three weeks into your detox and you’re doing such a good job at not thinking about gojo that you mix up his monday schedule with his tuesday schedule and on your way back to your dorm, you see him. if you keep walking at the same pace that you’re walking, you will collide with him. if neither of you do anything, one of you will get hurt. 

you look down at your phone, hoping, in the forefront of your mind, that he didn’t see it was you. (in the back of your mind, you’re hoping that he’s the one to break the longest bout of silence the two of you have had since you met.) when you sneak a glance, he’s already almost reached you, jogging to catch up with you. “hey,” he calls out, just in case you haven’t seen him.

“hi,” you say, stopping in place and letting him approach you.

“i’ve been trying to get ahold of you,” he offers, like you wouldn’t have known that.

“oh, sorry, haven’t been on my phone,” you lie. he knows that you’re lying. he can tell that you’re lying, so you don’t really know why you lie in the first place. maybe to prove a point. maybe to make him feel bad.

“look, about…,” he trails off, trying to remember how long he’s been without you, “about that… day…,” he opts for instead. 

you put your hand up, waving the topic off. you mean to say something like, don’t worry about it, see you later, but it comes out like, “we don’t have to talk about that here.” here. fucking here. if you would’ve left those four letters out, it would’ve been a perfect line to walk away with, but you don’t. your stupid coffee-craving brain tacks it on, hopeful. 

“right,” he says, nodding, “should we get coffee maybe, then, or?”

it’s not out of the ordinary, or it didn’t used to be, but now it feels taboo. you want to snap and ask him if he’s sure, because coffee sounds a bit too much like a date for people that aren’t together, but you realize very quickly that the irritation from your coffee detox is maybe a little bit too much to hold in without any closure. “sure,” you agree, “i just got done with class so we cou-.”

“i know,” he says, because three weeks hasn’t erased your schedule from his brain either. 

you order an iced tea. you’re still convinced you’re done with coffee for good. he looks surprised at your choice, like he’s never seen you order an iced tea before, because he hasn’t, but he doesn’t say anything. you sip on it throughout unpleasant pleasantries and it’s refreshing, but it’s lacking something. in fact, the longer that you drink this stupid drink that has caffeine anyways and isn’t as good, the irritation bubbles higher and higher until- “can i start?” you ask, tapping your fingers against the table in rhythmic succession. 

“yeah, sure,” he says, bringing his coffee to his lips and taking a sip.

“if at any point in this conversation your answer to anything i have to say is that we weren’t together, i don’t think we should have this conversation,” you reason, and you mean it, but his reaction takes you aback. you notice the smallest flinch when you say weren’t.

“i wasn’t-,” he shakes his head, sighing, “no, i wasn’t going to say that.”

“okay,” you say, dragging your fingertips along the condensation on the side of your glass. “then what were you going to say?”

he thinks for a minute, like he didn’t assume that he’d get this far when he brought up the idea of coffee. “i wanted to stop you from leaving,” he says.

“but you didn’t,” you rebuttal.

“i didn’t,” he affirms. it’s quiet again. you can hear the scrape of the cups against the table as they’re picked up, drank from, and put back down. the chatter in the coffee shop drones over the sounds of hesitance and nerves. “i’m sorry,” he says after a while.

“so, do you think we were together?” you ask, “and be honest. i’ll know if you lie.” you search his face as he answers, and the only thing that comes up is another flinch when you talk in past tense again.

“yeah,” he says, honest. “being apart from you these past three weeks has been one of the shittiest things i’ve ever been through.”

“ever?” you ask, quirking your eyebrow, as if it isn’t somewhat true for you too. 

he nods in response, continuing, “it’s been hard.” he pauses. “i’m sorry i was so shitty.”

“pretty shitty, yeah,” you agree, but you can’t hide how nice it feels to just talk with him again, to call him shitty and to sit across from him at a coffee shop table. “i’m sorry i ghosted you these past few weeks,” because it deserves to be said too. 

“i really missed you,” he says, and he doesn’t hide from it. he looks you directly in your eyes and you can tell that he wants to reach across the table and hold your hand. you want that too. 

“me or just, like, sleeping with me?” you ask, somewhat terrified of the answer, scanning his face for the truth once again. 

he laughs softly and, try as you might, you can’t stop the fluttering in your stomach or the warmth in your cheeks hearing that for the first time in too long. “please, i haven’t thought about sleeping with you once,” he jokes.

“oh, no? not at all?” you ask, scoffing lightly, a tiny smirk threatening to break.

he forces a thoughtful frown, shakes his head dramatically and says, “can’t say that i have.” you’re laughing now, but through smile-squinted eyes you can still tell that he’s actually being genuine. “not really,” he says. 

“so just me then?” you ask to make sure.

“just you,” he affirms. “a lot of just you.” you hum, content with his answer, but he gives you even more than thought he ever could, “i don’t want to just go back to the way things were. i don’t think that’s enough for me anymore.”

even though you’re sure a response like this would’ve sent waves of shock through your entire body, it doesn’t. it just feels right. you reply quickly, “good. i don’t think it’s enough for me either.” you reach across the table. the back of your hand brushes against his, and then past it. you wrap your fingers around the handle of his coffee cup and bring it to your lips. 

he doesn’t protest or snatch it away from you or make a snarky comment. he places his chin in the palm of his hand, elbow against the surface of the table, and smiles at you. you take a sip from his mug, warmth spreading through every bit of your body. 

why would you deprive yourself of coffee when it brings you so much comfort?

ᯓᡣ𐭩 ʙᴏɴᴜs! ʜɪɢᴜʀᴜᴍᴀ [ ɴ/ᴀ ]

you’re not exactly sure how many times something has to happen before it becomes a theme. 

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

“do you -huff- want to -huff- have kids someday?” higuruma asks from beneath you, palms resting on the tops of your knees, thumbs massaging up to the insides of your thighs. 

you slow your bounces and then you stop them completely. you blink at him once and then twice. “that is a really wild thing to ask while you’re inside of someone,” you scoff, searching his face for any kind of tone indicator. is he being serious? is he just saying something to get a rise out of you? is this a kink thing?

he smirks, placing his hands on your hips, coaxing you to continue your movements, and you do. you lift yourself off of him, slowly at first, but then picking up speed as you chase the feeling you lost when he asked the question. you’re breathless when he asks again, the repeated question no longer stilling you. the second time around it feels almost normal. “do you?” he asks on his exhale.

you shake your head and then tilt it side to side, closing your eyes so all of the conflicting fast paced movements don’t dizzy you. “i- don’t- know-,” you huff, “maybe- conversation- for- a- different- setting.” each word is punctuated by the slap of your thighs against his hips. he nods, completely okay with that answer, and then just drops it.

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

“shit,” you say in realization, hips circling, fingers combing through his hair. you pull your head away from his shoulder, pushing yourself up to look him in the eyes. “wait, how did your meeting go today?” you ask, and this time neither of you miss a beat. 

when he slows to think about it, you pick up his slack, rolling your hips, feeling the drag of him inside of you, a breathy moan floating up your chest. he answers over your noises, “really good actually.”

“everything as planned?” you ask further, genuinely just as invested in this as you are in the act. 

he nods, smiling. “yeah, to a t,” he says, wrapping his arms around your lower back and pulling you against his chest. he kisses the side of your temple, holding you in place with a tight grip as he lifts his hips off of the bed, thrusting into you. “surprised you didn’t ask as soon as i came through the door.”

you shake your head against his shoulder, placing a soft kiss against his collarbone. “was thinking about it all day,” you explain. he fucks into you faster in response and it feels like a reward for caring about the things that are important to him. “but when- shit- when you got home…,” you grunt, “it completely- ah, fuck- completely slipped my- ah- mind, s-sorry.”

“ts alright, pretty.” he nudges his nose against your cheek, peeling your attention to his face. your cheek rests against his shoulder and you blink at him, focus dipping from the topic at hand as you feel that familiar tightening in your core. he can see it written all over your face, so he drops his head to kiss you, silently communicating that you don’t have to worry about finishing the conversation right now. he’ll bring it up again in a bit.

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

“should we get married?” he asks, back up against the headboard, looking you directly in your eyes, gaze following yours as you rise and fall. 

“you are not proposing to me while i’m riding you,” you say, shaking your head, but you don’t still or slow. conversations like this in a setting like this just don’t phase you anymore. honestly, it wouldn’t surprise you if he did propose right now. you’re not even sure you’d say no.

the corner of his lip tugs upward and he exhales a laugh as he leans forward the smallest bit to kiss you. “i’m not, i’m not,” he assures, “why? would you say no?” 

you’re quiet for a minute, not because you don’t know the answer, but to keep him on his toes. you won’t lie to him, you don’t think, but you don’t want to come right out and say it. his questions are rhetorical anyways, half-jokes that he’s not expecting serious answers to; you’ve known higuruma well enough and long enough to be confident of that. you could’ve replied with an eye roll and a scoff and nothing else and he would’ve dropped it. instead, however, you answer, “course not. i’d say yes in a second.”

he nearly comes inside of you right there.

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

maybe it becomes a theme when someone points it out. 

you can’t tell if it’s intentional or not, the way that the two of you keep having these serious conversations during sex. you know that you don’t do it on purpose; things will just hit you during the repetitive motions and you worry you’ll forget them and you know that higuruma won’t judge you for just saying them, so you do. whether this is the case for him, you’re not sure. 

but the interruptions just keep getting more casual. it starts with big conversations: weddings and promotions and thoughtful decisions, and then it’s like you just start remembering things in this position: work drama and mundane did you knows. it’s almost as if starting with big topics just made it seem so easy to talk about anything like this. 

it didn’t help, you think, that it’s just always easy to talk about anything with higuruma. you guys have been together, officially together, for over four years now, and conversation, no matter the topic or severity or setting, is something you’ve never struggled with. you continue to not struggle with it, inside of the bedroom and out. 

you’re not sure what about the position and the moment makes you so susceptible to remembering little things that you want to tell higuruma when he’s not around, and vice versa. in fact, you’re not even convinced that it’s something about the action that jogs your memory anyway, it’s probably just a really weird and common coincidence.

and then one night you can’t find your keys. 

you’ve searched everywhere for them, in your car, in your bag, every nook of your room, the places where they normally are, higuruma’s coat pocket just in case, and then everywhere else in your guys’ apartment. they’re nowhere to be seen. 

when higuruma walks through the front door, even from where you’re searching in the kitchen, you hear him let out an elongated, “woah.”

you pop your head into the doorway, “don’t say anything about the mess.” you can see his eyes resting on the overturned couch cushions and then on the various opened drawers. “hey,” you warn, pointing towards him as you walk quickly into the living room. you throw your arms around him tightly and give him a small greeting peck. it’s routine at this point; if you don’t do it your whole night feels off. “i said don’t say anything.”

he lets you hang off of his neck as he puts both hands up in surrender. “i didn’t say shit,” he says, pressing a kiss into the side of your neck, then moving his hands to your waist, “the fuck happened here though?” he laughs against your skin and you can feel the vibrations travel to your fingers and toes. 

you pull away from him, shaking your head. now that you’re back in the living room, it’s like you have to start this room’s search over too. you start checking under the couch and in the hall closet. “lost my fucking keys,” you grumble, smoothing your palms over your face, “i swear i’ve looked everywhere. i just can’t remember where i left them when i got home.”

“did you check th-,” he asks, walking into the kitchen, grateful that you’re not in there with him or he knows you’d yell at him for the way his eyes go wide at the clutter and chaos everywhere. 

you cut him off, “wherever you’re about to say, probably yes, ughhh. i’ve retraced my steps, i’ve looked in places that are fucking stupid to look in like every pair of shoes we own and in the fucking guest bedroom pillowcases. i’ve looked everywhere.”

from where he’s stood in the kitchen now, he can see you scrambling as you vent. he leans against the wall, “well, not everywhere or you would’ve found it by now.”

“i’ll kill you,” you say, eyes snapping up to meet his to show how serious you are.

he just laughs, “i’ve got a pretty good lawyer, you might not want to do that.”

“good legal can’t help you when you’re dead,” you snap, almost completely joking. he meets you back in the living room, helping you check all the places you’ve already checked. 

15 minutes pass and then 35 and then he stops abruptly. “oh my god, i have an idea,” he says, and you look at him, hopeful. “you know when you usually remember things?” 

your first reaction is joking annoyance, picking up a throw pillow and sending it his way. he catches it and sets it back down on the couch. “i’m serious!” he yell-laughs. 

you throw another pillow at him as your second reaction sets in. “that’s not going to fucking work,” you say.

“how do you know?” he asks.

“because,” you say, trying to come up with a good answer other than just blind doubt, “because i don’t remember things while i’m riding you. it’s not a fucking superpower.”

“you don’t know that,” he jokes back and braces to be hit with another pillow. “okay, okay, but i’m being serious! besides, what’s the worst thing that can happen? you don’t remember and we’ve had sex, how horrible,” he reasons.

you let your arms fall, pillow in your hands resting against the tops of your thighs. you look at him, thinking, which, in hindsight, was a dumb thing to do, because higuruma can see the contemplation on your face. 

eight minutes later and he’s inside of you and you’re the most embarrassed you’ve ever been.

“this is so stupid,” you mumble. you haven’t moved an inch after slowly lowering yourself onto him. you’re fully seated against his hips, hands smoothing over your face and then lingering there, covering. 

he reaches up, fingers soft and kind as he wraps them around your wrists, pulling them away from your face. “ts not stupid,” he reassures, but you’re not convinced. you groan, turning to look away from him, but that just won’t do. he reaches up again, soft grip on your chin coaxing your gaze back to his. “hey,” he says softly, “just focus here, angel.”

you listen, somewhat, mind still flickering back to why you’re even riding him in the first place. “just enjoy yourself, okay,” he tries again, rolling his hips upwards, pressing himself inside of you as deep as he can. you close your eyes, and it’s quite easy to just focus on the feeling of being as full as you are right now. “good,” he whispers, “just like that.”

it doesn’t take long for you to lose yourself completely, moving on your own, letting the whimpers and whines take over any other thought you might think to say, chasing that feeling rather than worrying about whatever you’ve lost. 

it all kinda clicks at once: where your keys are and why you always remember shit when you’re like this.

in the midst of everyday noise, so many things get lost: important and unimportant thoughts alike. but now you’re not worried about anything else. you don’t care about anything else right now. you don’t have to. you don’t want to. and in this state of letting everything go, mindless and blissful, some things slip back through the cracks.

you collapse onto higuruma’s chest, spent and happily aware of this new revelation that you have not, for once, shared in the middle of sex, but kept quiet as a come down surprise. you hum softly as he rubs up and down your back, hum again as he presses a kiss into your forehead. “m sorry it didn’t work, angel,” he murmurs. 

you turn your head, ear pressed right against his heart as you gaze up at him. “i left them in the fridge,” you reveal, and he knits his eyebrows together. 

you assume that he’s going to say something about how did you leave them in the fridge? or why are they there? but instead he questions, “what? and you didn’t tell me until now?” like you’ve harbored a life long secret. you laugh softly, snaking your hands up and scratching your nails against his scalp, playing with the ends of his hair. “don’t think this is going to get you out of it,” he says, “‘ts my favorite thing when you just blurt shit while you’re on me.”

you can feel the warmth in your cheeks and your chest as you breathe a laugh. “you’ve never told me that before,” you murmur. 

“think it’s cute when you just can’t wait to tell me things,” he says, “feels more intimate than being inside of you.”

“ew,” you say, scrunching up your nose, even though you weirdly agree. 

he just laughs in response. a few seconds of quiet comfort pass before he backtracks, “wait, why the fuck are your keys in the fridge?” 

and you tell him all about it, about the day that you’ve had and how you remembered you hadn’t drank enough water so you were refilling your bottle from the pitcher in the fridge as soon as you got home from work, but your hands were full so you set your keys on top of the leftovers from yesterday, but then you had to go and set everything down and the fridge closed and by the time you left the kitchen you remembered you needed to do something else… and it just keeps going.

you tell him as you’re taking a shower and as you’re eating dinner together and as he’s brushing his teeth and you’re washing your face and laying in bed and setting your alarms. every room in the house is a mess, but you’ll deal with that later, you decide. you rest your chin on his shoulder. “and how was your day?” you ask, even though the clock reads much later than it should for how much sleep you both should get before you’re up early for work tomorrow. 

nevermind that, he decides, and tells you all about it anyways.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 ʙᴏɴᴜs! ɴᴀɴᴀᴍɪ [ ɴ/ᴀ ]

“can i ask you something and when i ask you, you’ll know i don’t mean anything bad by it at all because i love you more than everything in the world?” you ask, putting down your phone only after you’ve finished your sentence. 

you wait a few seconds for nanami to take in what you’ve asked. he reaches over to the night stand for his bookmark and sticks it between the pages. he shuts it with an audible shuffling of paper and a sharp thump. 

nanami has been with you long enough to not typically be surprised by your out of the blue… questions. (dronings? is there a word like droning but the connotation is more positive? like you talk at him a lot and he loves to hear the ramblings in your brain, but sometimes he is just trying to read his book before bed. whatever that word is.)

he places the book on his lap and then turns his chest towards you completely. you now have his full attention. “is that a yes?” you ask. 

he inhales deeply, “if i say no, will you still ask it?”

you think on the answer to that question, really mulling it over before shaking your head. “no, i don’t think so.”

“then yes,” he smirks, “i suppose i have to say yes then.”

“great,” you say, tossing your phone onto your bedside table with a clunk. you sit up straighter, rocking forward to fully adjust your position on your side of the bed. you put your hand on his thigh and cross your legs, letting your knee rest on the side of his comforter covered hip. “do you ever regret not dating more?”

it definitely takes him by surprise. he thought you might drop another weirdly specific hypothetical about would he love you if… or request a glass of water even though you already told him tonight when he was getting into bed and he asked if you wanted one, that you did not. 

now he’s the one mulling over your question and despite how nerve wracking it could be to wait for an answer to a what if that involves not you, you’re not anxious in the slightest. you’re quiet, just waiting for his answer, and when he finally speaks, you know exactly why you weren’t scared in the first place, “i’ve honestly never thought about it since i met you.”

“really?” you ask, and you’re mostly feeling very lucky that nanami is yours and you are his, but there is an underlying feeling of guilt that he’s unintentionally caused with this statement. 

he nods. “sounds like you have though,” he says, and it’s not even a little bit judgmental. it sounds like he’s imploring you to keep talking, like he wants to hear exactly what you’re thinking, why you brought it up in the first place.

“i wouldn’t trade this security, this love, exactly what we have, you for anything in the world,” you start to explain, and it’s nothing but the truth, “but sometimes i just think about that first night when we were in that bar. the flirting, the risks, that feeling of not knowing where the night is going to end up. sometimes i think about that a little bit.”

he hums, thinking about that night, and after a few seconds of silence, he speaks up again, “first date nerves,” he nods, “now that i think about it, i miss those.”

you cock your head at him. that’s a weird part of dating to miss, you think, but then he explains further, “like when we went out on our first date and i didn’t know what you were going to wear or if you liked the restaurant i picked or if you’d let me pay for your food.”

“or if i’d take you back to mine,” you joke, raising your eyebrows at him, but really you’re burning inside. your cheeks feel warm just hearing about these feelings he’s never mentioned to you before. 

“yeah, that too,” he laughs, getting back on track, “like, i’m still finding out new things about you all the time, but back then i was discovering who you were every second we were together, and that- that felt like…”

“like finding out soulmates were real?” you ask, because that’s what it felt like to you, that same exact phenomenon he’s describing. he smiles at you warmly, like you’ve just put to words what he felt he could only experience. “i know what you mean,” you smile. 

he leans forward, cupping your cheek with his hand and guiding you towards him. he kisses you softly, placing his other hand on your other cheek and kissing you harder. “should we go on a first date again?” he asks against your lips, barely pulling away to speak. 

you laugh, but when you pull away, you can tell he’s not joking. “what?” you ask, “what do you mean?” you’re already blushing though, already feeling the exact first date nerves he was just talking about. 

“let’s go on a first date,” he repeats himself. “i’ll pick you up at your front door and i’ll choose the restaurant and it’ll be a surprise and i’ll ask you questions that i’d ask you on a first date even if i know the answers to all of them and more at this point.”

you’re smiling so big that your cheeks are sore as you nod fervently at the concept. “okay, yeah,” you agree. 

“right, so we probably shouldn’t kiss or make out or sleep with each other until then to really play into the whole thing?” he teases, and you roll your eyes in response. 

“you’re very funny, kento,” you say, leaning in, brushing your nose against his. he doesn’t even last a second, closing the gap with a small peck and then another and then another and then a much longer one and then he’s putting the book on his nightstand so he can pull you into his lap. 

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

you get a text 5 minutes before 7 that nanami is going to be 3 minutes late picking you up. the text looks a little weird underneath a thread of:

>> nami <3 >> how’s work baby

<< read << if you love me you’ll come and pull the fire alarm to get me out of here early :) :) :)

>> nami <3 >> fine but that’s a class four felony in some cases. will you be providing legal assistance or should i look elsewhere????

<< read << how do u know that?? nerd!!!

>> nami <3 >> google tbh. 

<< read << wow. first i have to stay at work all day alone and sad and now i get to know my bf isn’t sexy and off the dome smart about everything. :(

>> nami <3 >> goodbye.

<< read << :(

>> nami <3 >> i love you

<< read << :)

you bite back the urge to reply with something you’d say to him after knowing him for years. rereading the text and thinking back to your first date, it makes you giggle. actually, it makes you kinda nervous. you text back a polite no worries! take your time! and he replies with a heart and you truly feel like you’re dating for the first time again. you feel honest to god giddy. 

arriving to the restaurant, you are genuinely surprised. you thought after knowing him as long as you have and having gone to as many restaurants with him as you have, you’d go back to somewhere nice you’ve already been. but that isn’t the case. 

he drives you to a pop-up restaurant 20 minutes out of town that you’ve never even heard of, but is the cutest place you’ve ever been, and the entire time he can’t stop sneaking respectful glances at you. he won’t stop telling you how nice you look. he even apologizes for it by the sixth time, pushing your chair in at the restaurant saying, “i know i keep mentioning it, and i’m sorry, but if i said it every time i thought it, it’d be a never ending string.”

if he keeps this up, you’re going to feel like you’re cheating. this seriously feels like a first date, like you’ve been in a relationship for over 5 years and you’re also going on a first date and it’s really messing with your head, but you never want it to stop. 

he stays true to his word, asking you questions he already knows the answers to, but hearing them again, they sound brand new. he doesn’t know if he’s just forgotten some of them or if the testaments of time have weathered your answers just enough to sound unfamiliar, but either way, he’s hanging on to every word. 

by the end of the night, you’ve truly convinced yourself that there are stakes to this date, like if you play your cards wrong, you won’t get to keep seeing this incredible guy. he pays the whole bill, even though you insist on getting your meal or at the very least dessert. he says, “you can try next time too.” and you can’t breathe, you feel so lucky. 

“i’m sorry if this seems forward, but i’d really like to keep seeing you tonight,” you say as the waiter takes away the paid bill, and your heart is thumping so violently against your chest, you swear he can feel it too. 

he shakes his head, “perfectly forward,” he smiles, “your place or mine?” you break character for the first time tonight, giggling at the reality of the question, hiding behind your hand as you do. “what’s so funny?” he asks, but he’s grinning just as big as you are. 

“just thinking about how dreary my life would be if i hadn’t gone on this first date,” you say, and it’s a little too meta, but he’ll let it slide, because he’s a bit flustered at the sentiment. “mine is great,” you answer, placing your hand on his, rubbing the tips of your fingers against his knuckles. 

everything about the rest of the night feels like a first too. it feels like your first kiss in front of your front door. it feels like he’s seeing “your” apartment for the first time. it feels like you’re making out on your couch for the first time. 

it feels like the first time he’s ever been inside of you. 

when he pushes deeper into you, eyes on yours shut tight, you tell yourself that you want to pretend you’re on a first date every single day of your life. you can’t stop whimpering, pleading for him to never stop fucking you ever, please don’t stop, please never fucking stop. 

you break character for the second time when you’re right on the edge. he keeps looking down at you with so much love in his eyes and his hands all over you feel like they know every inch of you, and you can’t stop yourself. you grab his face in your hands, “kento, baby, please, ‘m gonna- ‘m sorry, i- fuck, please. i love you, fuck,” you whine, and he can’t stop himself either, hips stuttering, head falling against your shoulder as he feels you clenching around him as he empties himself inside of you, murmuring how much he loves you right back. 

the way you’ve been feeling all night: blissful and coy, it’s not because it’s a first date, it’s because he’s nanami. it’s because he’s orchestrated the entire night and no matter how “new” everything feels, the underlying foundation of that newness, and the reason everything feels so good, is familiarity and safety. 

“i’m sorry that i-,” you breathe, but he stops you, reaching his hand up to drag his fingertips against your lips, and you laugh, pressing a soft kiss into them. “okay, okay,” you say, and he places his hand back down by his side. “done with the first date stuff, just want to be yours again,” you murmur. 

he scoffs, light, and you can hear his smile in it. he falls over onto his back, pulling you into his chest and kissing the top of your head. “never weren’t,” he mumbles against your hair. “always will be,” he mumbles again, holding you tighter. 

“good,” you say back, settling into his arms like that’s the only thing you know to be true in the entire world. you wouldn’t trade that truth for a million first dates. 

sure, holding your breath at quick witted flirts and stolen glances is nice, but it’s a lot nicer just knowing that you will never be loved better and you will never love harder. 

♡ ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢs ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴs ᴍᴇᴀɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ ♡ no bc the yelling really worked very well idk yell at me more to write a continuation for toji (maybe also gojo bc hes the only one i havent written even an inkling of smut for) idk i'm just thinking of so many scenes idk throw hcs at me in my inbox IDK! toji dating for the first time? got me fucked UP

ᡣ𐭩 ᴛᴀɢs ᡣ𐭩 @igocrazyeveryday @vernasce-blogs @minty86 @abrielletargaryen @pompompompompompompom @mysticrays @lilolpotato @thisisew @pnkoo @optimisticsandwichgladiator @ryumurin @cisseadven @multi-fandom-fanfic @noosayog @anxious-chick @mintleafwrites @(tried to tag some other folks but couldnt!!)

#jjk x reader #jjk smut #toji x reader #gojo x reader #geto x reader #geto smut #toji smut #gojo smut #nanami x reader #nanami smut #higuruma x reader #higuruma x reader smut #higuruma smut #nanami x reader smut #jjk x reader smut #actually not really tbh theres no smut in tojis or gojos cant even lie #toriwritesshit

[youremyheaven]

The Ugliness of Venus

every planet is associated with certain key themes but being under that planetary influence means to experience its very opposite. the extremes of anything is a meeting point for its opposite.

venus is the planet associated with love, beauty, harmony etc therefore it is unsurprising that venusian influence also subjects one to cruelty, ugliness, disharmony, violence and malevolence.

TW: this post will contain mentions of sexual harassment, rape, violence, murder, massacre, genocide, death, suicide among other things so please beware!!!

in my observations I have often found that Venusian natives are often cruel, callous, ugly (i mean this to refer to their actions/behaviour and not just unconventional appearance because "beauty" is a sum of appearance and traits- what we call Venusian refinement) hurtful, jealous and utterly lacking the charisma and hospitality for which Venus is known.

it is disturbing to think of how soooo many well known and notorious sex offenders have HEAVY Venusian influence in their charts. think of any celebrity who has had a sex scandal and they usually have Venusian placements. it's intriguing that no other planet shows up as much (in my personal observations).

Why is Venus so brutal, cruel and embracing of the darkness/ugliness of humanity?

All 3 Venus nakshatras, Bharani, Purvaphalguni & Purvashada are Ugra (meaning cruel or brutal, this is a 7 category classification in vedic astrology) nakshatras.

Ugra naks are known to be action-oriented go-getters and people who are very self-motivated and determined. Any quality can manifest in good or bad ways, so the shadow aspect of this determination and motivation is often ruthlessness, callousness, selfishness and arrogance.

This is also the reason why Venusian naks suffer. Venus seeks refinement, so an individual who does not filter out their own darkness but instead indulges in it, is inviting wrath. More than any other planet, Venus punishes its natives quite harshly and publicly. So many people who have been known to be horrible people, have been exposed, shamed and punished publicly have Venus influence.

Venus energy must be handled with care. Since Venus is love, it has a quality where it loves blindly, completely and without judgement but discretion and judgement are necessary in life. It is not good to be absolutely consumed by someone or something without considering the good and evil inherent in it. This makes Venus natives prone to evil simply because they don't see it as such. They think of it as the depths of their understanding of love, beauty and harmony. Beauty in its extreme however is grotesque, its ugliness, its frightening. Think of all those IG models who have the same face, there is a blandness to their cartoonish perfection to their proportions, it fails to evoke feeling, it fails to be memorable because true beauty is distinct and flawed, its intensity, depth and exaggerated proportions because Venus is not mild or lukewarm, it like to go overboard. Think of Angelina Jolie, her big forehead, large cheekbones, strong jaw, big protruding eyes, its a face that calls attention to itself, its not simple or readily accessible, its the opposite of the IG face where beauty is reduced to ordinary everyday blandness. True beauty is individuality.

Venusian natives are often preoccupied with good and evil, the holy and demonic, heaven and hell, this emanates from a deep understanding of contradictions and the need for their existence. Opposites are an illusion, everything is one. Goodness in its extreme is evil and the extremes of evil touches upon goodness.

So now I'll discuss certain specific examples:

Mao Zedong- Purvashada Rising

He was responsible for the deaths of close to 40 million people who died due to starvation, forced labour and others executed by the state due to their opposition of its policies.

Saddam Hussein- Bharani Sun, Venus in Revati (exalted)

Him and his party used violence, killing, torture, execution, arbitrary arrest, unlawful detention, enforced disappearance, and various forms of repression to control the population. Kurdish people were systematically persecuted and massacred using tear gas.

Hussein was publicly executed for committing crimes against humanity.

Hitler- Purvashada stellium (Moon, Jupiter and Ketu), Mercury and Venus in Bharani

I need not elaborate on who Hitler was and what he did bc we're all very familiar with him but yeah he was a Venusian. He died by suicide.

Stalin- Purvashada Mercury Amatyakaraka

I do not wish to elaborate on Soviet war crimes but Stalin had millions of people die, from starvation, torture, indentured labour etc

R Kelly- Purvashada Sun & Mercury

He is a pedophile and convicted sex offender

Marilyn Manson- Purvashada Sun

He's been accused of assault and rape on more than one occasion.

Idi Amin- Purvashada Sun

Idi Amin was popularly known as "The Butcher of Uganda." Amin overthrew an elected government in Uganda with a military coup, using lessons from the British colonial army. He declared himself president and ruled ruthlessly from 1971-1979. Once in power, Amin started mass executions of the Acholi and Lango tribes. In 1972 Amin forced 80,000 Asians to leave the country, which caused the economic collapse of the country since many were business owners. It’s estimated that through his rule, Amin killed at least 300,000 civilians.

Elon Musk- Purvaphalguni Moon

Sexual misconduct charges, labour law violations, treating his employees like trash and being an insufferable asshole on Twitter among other things. Nobody makes $100 billion without exploiting 100s of millions of people.

Jimmy Saville- Purvaphalguni Moon, Mars in Bharani amatyakaraka and Ketu in Purvashada

He was a pedophile who abused numerous children over the span of 50yrs

Peter Townshend- Purvaphalguni Jupiter & Rising, Ketu in Purvashada

He was found trying to access child porn sites

Chris Brown- Bharani Sun & Moon

He's abused several women, most famously, Rihanna

Here's some examples of people who have risen to prominence by playing ruthless people.

Kathy Bates- Mars in Purvaphalguni amatyakaraka

She is best remembered for playing the psychotic nurse in Misery

Anthony Hopkins- Purvashada Sun

He is best known for playing serial killer Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs

I know this is a very polarising topic and to any Venusians reading this, I sincerely do not wish to spread hate or cause harm, I am only trying to point out some of the things I have noticed. Does this mean every other Venusian you encounter is a serial killer in disguise? No Are all Venusians bad people? Also no. I thought it would be interesting to shed some light on the darker side of Venus which is seldom addressed if at all. Please do not take any of these observations too seriously and do not use astrology as a tool to propagate hatred towards yourself or others.

#venus #vedic astro notes #astrology observations #astrology notes #vedic astrology #astro notes #nakshatras #sidereal astrology #astro observations #astrology #astroblr

[azrielfiend]

HAPPY SONGKRAN DAY!!!

the people in the drawings (left to right)

1st image: me! @woopdeloopei @d3sp4ir-c0d3 @snarkybug kyoufu.garden on ig, supremecatart on ig, @konsugcartreal mozzarellastyxpizzeria on ig

2st image: @randomfates @semi-sentient @daytea @pansear-doodles @pookapufferfish @draagu @mintscampi @0303emily

3rd image: @dieselpvnk and me!

holyyy shit this took me so long LOL (3 ish days of continously working on this) some sonas included are probably not suited to play in a big waterfight like this but just use your imagination it can happen!! (songkran is on the 13th but im posting early shuush)

anyway, songkran is a festival where we celebrate thai new year! the waterfights are basically cleansing yourself to prepare for a new year, like taking a shower to get ready for the next day. its full of blessings and such! im not religious, im an ex buddhism but i still enjoy festivals like this since it makes me happy.

i wanted to do big drawings for songkran because the festival means a lot to me. i grew up with it, playing it every year that it happens. it feels nostalgic, homey and honestly? a part of me. we would get up on the back of a truck and just spray each other with water.

its a very VERY important thing in thailand! i hope you enjoy the drawing, idk why i spent so long on it ahaha... owuch my back... its fun!! im gonna go play tomorrow..

#my art #gift #others oc #sona fanart #songkran #thai culture #songkran day #thailand #digital art #digital artwork #thai new year

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

01/25/2024 OFMD Recap

TLDR; Cast & Crew Sightings; Queerties; How to Help; New Renewal Effort Resources; stats; gifs; petition status; morale boost ; self care pitstop; love notes; Rhys

== Cast & Crew Sightings ==

While not related to OFMD-- Leslie Jones has been nominated for Outstanding Performance Award from @naacp for "After the Cut" on The Daily Show! Just something to celebrate for our crew!

Nathan Foad, Samba Schutte, and Con O'Neill are obviously excited about OFMD coming to the UK! All seen on their instagram stories.

Next, Kristian Nairn answered some fans on the #WeeJohnDays Coming back. You can add to the thread here if you'd like.

== Queerties ==

If you're down, please vote for the Queerties each day! If you want to just vote for OFMD categories, feel free to visit: TV Comedy Best TV Performance

== How To Help ==

How To Help Save OFMD Task List - US How to Help Save OFMD Task List - Outside US

= New Renewal Campaign Resources =

Found some cool resources today if you're out campaigning on any of the platforms, feel free to use these, they're all tagged with sources. (These have been added to the Daily Recap Task Lists)

== Stats ==

Srcs (in order of appearance LTR): @lucyrosebutler , @bonnypitty @meowzawowza_ on Twitter

== Gif Resources ==

Our lovely @kiwistede made some gorgeous gifs that you can use on social media when you're @ing the networks.

==UK News==

@lamentus1 Gave us a brief update on the happenings in the UK:

Not much to report today, I’ve just been focused on promoting the show off the back of the UK talent, hoping to enlist new fans now that we have a date for season 2 on the BBC. The Guardian article was great, despite ending on a somewhat pessimistic note. It links to the petition though, which is amazing! The Guardian Article

==Articles==

We made it into the guardian! Holy Crap!

‘Unhinged – in a good way’: Our Flag Means Death was cancelled. Its fans are fighting back"

As @lamentus1 mentioned, yes, the last quote in it is very pessimistic, however I don't think that's the part we should focus on, instead we should focus on the fact the campaign got big enough to warrant getting picked up by The Guardian AND our petition was linked in it. Think of how many new folks will be clicking in?

The 20 best feel-good TV shows

Our Flag Means Death Season 2 Finally Confirms UK Release Date

‘Our Flag Means Death’ Season 2: Fans Petition To Save Beloved HBO Show (this last one has a weird date at the end, which @OFMDBingo42 on Twitter speculates coincides with the end of the Social Media Strike for Palestine, just fyi it was confusing many of us).

==Petition Status ==

Almost at 81K!

== Morale Boosts ==

Feeling low cause things have slowed down? A lot of crew have brought up some excellent points across the platforms as to why things aren't as down as they feel right now. Please check out: @PehmoKoira's Take on Tumblr

== Self Care Pitstop! ==

If you are feeling overwhelmed-- stop by @flowelineblog's post! It's quick, and efficient :)

== Love Notes ==

So while looking for cast and crew sightings I found this lovely message on @VicoOrtiz's IG Story, so I'm going to share it instead tonight by @thebehappyproject.

==========================================

Our Rhys picture tonight is courtesy of @rhysdarbinizedarby via a post about "The Jaquie Brown Diaries": Night on the Brown (2009)"

I couldn't get over the look, so now you have to see it. It's literally haunting my dreams and I haven't even fallen asleep yet.

Anyway, night lovelies, hope you all have a great day/night <3 Stay safe, hydrated, and keep being the ever wonderful yous <3

#ofmd daily recap #ofmd daily recaps #ofmd #our flag means death #renew as a crew #save ofmd #save our flag means death #hoist the ads #adopt our crew #rhys darby

[cmoundiamante]

WELCOME HOME ✦ S.JY

pairing non idol!jake x fem!reader

summary It was going to be your first birthday with Jake and Layla, and they managed to turn a regular day into a much better one.

genre fluff, established relationship, drabble.

warnings any ig

a/n hello everyone!! its rom again ^^ i didnt really like this drabble but i wanted to post something fluff anyway, lmk what do u think of it in the comments. i remind u, english is not my first language so pls be kind (: any correction will be considered, not only to improve reading but also for my learning ^^ enjoy it <3

wc +2k

You woke up with a bit of difficulty trying to fight with the warm blankets that didn't want to let you out of bed. The first thing you found when you opened your eyes was your boyfriend, still asleep and snoring. Your hand made contact with Jake's cheeks, you felt a temperature shock when the hand you pulled out from under the blankets made contact with your boyfriend's cheek. You felt a strange movement on the bed, when you raised your head a little you could see Layla, Jake's dog, she sensed at the moment you were awake. You saw Jake again and laughed when you saw how even though he is asleep he is pouting, so before you got out of bed you decided to give him a kiss.

You got up, and with your pajamas on, you left the room, careful not to make any noise so as not to wake your boyfriend. Instead of staying in bed with Jake, Layla decided to go out and accompany you.

When you first met Jake, it didn't take long for him to invite you to his home and introduce you to his faithful partner, so when they both made the decision to live together, Layla was included in the plan. At first you could tell how the dog had a certain distrust, but since you liked animals you were constantly trying to give her affection, which made her love you a little more every day.

You two went to the kitchen, the first thing you did was fill Layla's dog food bowl, then you started with your breakfast, being unsure of what you were going to do, so you decided to look at the fridge to give you some idea.

As you made breakfast, you remembered that tomorrow was your birthday. You weren't that excited, and it was customary since you always spent your birthdays the same way. The exception for this birthday was that it was the first time Jake was going to celebrate with you.

Because you were deep in thought, you didn't feel Layla's barking, nor the hands that held your waist. "Morning, love." You turned to look him in the eye and your lips met, creating a soft kiss. "Good morning, Jakey." "How did you wake up?" he pulled away from your waist and began to help prepare breakfast. He opened the refrigerator and took out four oranges.

"Alright, baby. It's pretty cold outside, I think you need to bundle up," you said, seeing that he was ready to go to work. He was wearing a shirt with the first two buttons unbuttoned and jeans close to the body, the whole outfit was black. Sometimes you wondered to yourself how such a handsome man could have come into your life. "I know, don't worry." He grabbed a knife to halve the oranges and then put them in the juicer. "You look very handsome today, love."

"Just today?" he raised an eyebrow and you rolled your eyes. “Everyday.” The toast was ready to automatically come out of the toaster, you put it down on a plate and then you walked up to Jake, grabbed his half-open shirt and pulled him closer to you for a kiss, he laughed generating a vibration on your lips. A bark came into the scene, you looked back and saw Layla, wagging her tail as she looked at the two of you. "She's getting jealous"

"Come here, Girl." It wasn't necessary for Jake to bend down to pet his dog, she stuck out her tongue showing that she enjoyed her owner's caresses. You bend down and start petting her too. "Who wanna go for a walk?" Layla, hearing that keyword come out of your mouth, began to spin, you laughed at the sight of its enthusiasm. "Okay, girl, we'll go after breakfast."

"Babe," Jake said. "Hmm?" you hummed. "I'm afraid I'll leave work a little later, I don't know if I'll make it to dinner." You looked at him trying to hide the sadness you had when you heard that, you kept caressing Layla while thinking about what to answer. "What time will you come, love?" he looked at his watch, it was almost time to leave. "At 11 P.M." he turned to look at the table again, grabbed two glasses from one of the cupboards and poured the orange juice he had prepared, he makes bottoms up to drink it, as he had little time left. You saw him with some sadness, knowing that he was being held to a great deal in his work. "Do you have to go now?"

"Yes love." when you stood up he took the opportunity to take your chin and again, give you another of those sweet kisses typical of him, which even if he is not very present always make you start the day well. "I. Love you. So. Much. Do you know that?" he said between kisses. Seriously, you could never get tired of this guy. "I love you too." As you pulled away from the kiss, with the same hand that held your chin he began to caress your cheek, you felt how little by little you melted under his gaze. "I bet you will miss me," he said jokingly. "Oh, believe me I'll do." Although he get away from you, you followed him to the exit door. You looked at him from the time he started getting ready to go out, until he said "I love you beautiful, see you later."

You went back to the kitchen and saw the glass with the juice that Jake had prepared, then you saw the other end of the counter and there were the two pieces of toast, so starting to feel the loneliness, you decided to set the table for breakfast alone. You sat down and started spreading the strawberry jam on top of the toast, at the same time as you bit into it you felt a ball of hair brush against your bare leg, it was clearly Layla, making you understand that she wanted some food. "You can't eat this, Lay." his face begged you to give him some of what you were, yet you knew what it could cause. "When we go to the pet shop I'll buy you some snacks, right?" you took another bite of the toast and looked at Layla again to see if she had any reaction to what you said, but no, she only understands key words. "Wanna go for a walk?"

11:30 P.M. And Jake still hadn't arrived. You were in bed reading a book, accompanied by Layla, who was resting next to you because she was so tired after being outside all day walking with you. However, you were not aware of what time it was, you completely forgot about the issues around you that you only paid attention to the plot of the story.

Instead, Jake, he lied to you, he wasn't at work. Even though he had spent weeks hiding your gift, he still needed to buy a couple of things to complete what he had in mind. Chocolates, flowers, some products that he knew had caught your attention, and of course, the box that brought a gift that you would never have imagined. He had everything ready in his car, but he was calm knowing that he was going to get home at 0 A.M. o’clock.

When he got home, and saw that you weren't downstairs, he took advantage and tried to be as quiet as possible to prepare your presents on the sofa.

When he finished, Jake looked at his watch, it was 11:59 P.M. He slowly went upstairs to go look for you, opened the door to his room and quietly spied on you to see what you were doing, you were still reading the book he had given you a few months ago. He opened the door a little more, enough for you to see him out of the side of your eyes. You were a little startled, as you hadn't even heard him coming. "How are the two girls of my life?" he said, referring to you and Layla. You jumped out of bed to meet your boyfriend, throwing the book to God knows where. You hugged him and started kissing him all over his face. "I missed you so much." Since Layla always senses movement, she didn't hesitate to throw herself on top of Jake as well. "We missed you so much."

Jake's watch vibrated, clearly indicating that the day had come. Without warning, he lifted your legs, taking advantage of the fact that you had your arms around his neck to carry you downstairs. "Hey, what are you doing?" He didn't answer you, he just giggled as he went downstairs. When you guys reached the floor downstairs he let go of you and with his hands covered your eyes, helping you walk to the living room. You stood still for a few seconds, until you heard your boyfriend's voice hit your ear. "Are you ready?" you nodded, already knowing what Jake was planning. Your eyes were freed, and you couldn't refrain from opening your mouth.

There were multiple bags from different shops, such as Prada, Dior, some MAC makeup, Kylie Cosmetics, he had also bought books that you had told him you wanted to read, and your favorite candys, what caught the most attention was the biggest box in the middle. The floor was decorated with fake petals, there were also some above the gifts to give it a more romantic touch. "You're gonna catch flies."

"Jake, this is too much." He was still behind you, holding your waist while his chin rested on your shoulder. "It's what you deserve, now, open your presents," he blurted out, excited to see how you would react. "Leave the bigger box for last."

You listened to him, starting to open the gift bags that were on the sides of the box that captures your attention the most. When you opened each gift you couldn't help but thank Jake, you couldn't imagine all the money he spent on you, nor did you understand how he had paid so much attention to particularly buy you things you needed or wanted. You finished opening all the presents, at this point you were so grateful that all you did was cry with emotion, but there was something pending, the biggest box. You paid more attention to it and noticed that it had some holes, with uncertainty you opened the box and found something that you were very excited to have, however you had never talked about it with Jake.

You picked her up slowly with your hands trying not to wake her up, she was asleep. "A dog?" It was a newborn Jack Russell. "It's a girl." You rested the still sleeping puppy on your chest. "But Jake, why?" "I thought it would be a good idea to expand the family." Jake came up to you and started petting the dog, on the other side of your shoulder you felt Layla, who when she saw that you had the dog in your arms sniffed it. "Also, I've seen how you treat Layla, noticed that you like animals, so I wanted to give you one."

The puppy started rubbing on your chest, you brought your face closer to hers and you saw how little by little she opened her eyes. "Hi, baby." you brushed your nose against the dog's, in a form of affection she stuck out her tongue to give you some kisses, you giggled at this while you felt Jake's intense gaze enjoy that tender moment.

Jake caressed your thigh as you began to think about the question you usually have long in advance, what will be her name? You didn't plan on having children at the moment, but you were always looking for inspiration or jotting down names that seemed meaningful or beautiful to you. One came to your head, which for some reason you felt matched the dog a lot.

"Welcome home, Cora."

#enhypen #enhypen fic #jake enhypen #jake #jake x reader #jake sim #jake fluff #enhypen fluff #enhypen x reader #enhypen jake

[orshii]

bitter and sweet

Author: orshii

Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x female reader

Warnings: Use of word "fuck", smoking, alcohol consumption

Word count: 2k

Summary: When you finally quit your job, you need a distraction. Hongjoong happens to be that.

A/N: Am- hi? This is totally new to me, and I would've never uploaded this story, if it weren't for my bestie @bvidzsoo (ly). She kept saying, how good this story was, so Ig I'm here? I really hope you will enjoy it, as much as I did when I wrote this little drabble. Recently I am very whipped for Hongjoong, so yeah...I just had to write this. Anyways, have fun. xoxo orshii

After a whole month of living like a robot: starting work early in the morning, when the sun wasn't even up yet, until when it hid behind again the buildings of our little town; I slowly started to feel like I was losing my mind. The feeling was similar to when your days are just as monotone as the clock on your wall, never changing its course the opposite way. You become one with your regular human life, which is always clouded, always grey just like the clouds above you; there are no colors.

It started becoming overwhelming, I started getting tired of this feeling of emptiness; I felt the void spread through my body every single fucking day. That's when I decided to quit my job, which wasn't even my dream job. I have been working at a fucking bakery as a cashier, of course it wasn't my dream job, whose would it be…

It was a Friday when I quit, so, as I was an unemployed nobody, the best idea was to celebrate that, wasn’t it? My friends were excited to hear my sudden proposal of going to a party, which was held by the town’s biggest brat, Jung Wooyoung; but I didn't care, I needed to get laid as soon as possible. I just wanted an escape from this shit reality, and not to think about what was going to happen in the future now that I was without a job.

 We decided to dress up pretty and sexy for the night with the girls. I was wearing black ripped jeans with fishnets underneath, and a black crop top with some cuts on it here and there, accompanied with my black boots and some accessories.

As we arrived in front of the house of said brat, Wooyoung, we went inside deep into the crowd of swaying bodies, which were flowing with the music. The music was so loud that we couldn't even hear our own voice, the beat punching our chests harshly. The first thing we had to do was to drink, of course, so we headed to the kitchen. We could barely see the furniture inside the kitchen due to the smog filling the air, coming from the people smoking this and that. Finally, somehow we found our love, the meaning of our night:  alcohol. We started to take some tequilas shots, and anything else we found, honestly. We just wanted to get drunk. Me, at least.

Eventually, I somehow found myself around the swaying bodies in the living room, but my friends were nowhere to be found.

I started to dance following the flow of the music; I felt like I could finally breathe, my latest months were hard and I just needed to forget all of the shit that’s happened.

At some point, I felt like somebody was watching me, I don't know how, I’d call it perhaps intuition.

When my eyes finally found the owner of two staring lustful eyes, my breath hitched. I have never seen this man in my entire life before, but as I watched him, my heart just started to race like it never has. My heart didn't even race like this when a fucking bear started to chase me, and that’s no fun.

I felt dizzy, maybe because of the influence of the alcohol or I didn’t know, but the sudden emotions started hitting me like I was a fucking punch bag.

The man was sitting on the couch, he was a bit far, but I could see his devilish smile from where I stood. It’s not supposed to be a joke; but with the red lights of the party, he looked like the fucking devil himself. His raven-black hair fell on his forehead, reaching his eyes, making his glare even more intense as he held a can of beer, leaning over his knees.

I haven't moved since my eyes landed on him but somebody, suddenly, bumped into me, and if I remember the guy's name correctly, it’s San. But I was glad, because I somehow found myself back to reality again, as if the last few minutes were in slow-motion.

I tried not to look at the stranger again, since my friends finally found me and we started to dance together, laughing and goofing around. I would be lying if I said my eyes never searched for the stranger again as he had moved from the couch. I felt a bit disappointed that I might never see him again.

And there was a chance that I actually might see him, and after a while, I suddenly felt two warm hands around my waist. I don't know how, don't ask, but I just knew it was the stunning stranger guy from the couch, with whom I had a staring contest like half an hour ago.

We just weirdly danced to the music, feeling the rhythm as it led our bodies in synchrony. It was weird because he was a total stranger but, somehow, I felt safe in his warm arms. I slowly turned around to finally look at the owner of the warm hands, and I was fucking right. I felt like I was going to melt right then and there like ice cubes on a hot summer day.

Why? Because he was the hottest guy I have ever seen in my life, and I'm not joking, I would never joke about things like that. He looked ethereal, and I don't know what led him to me, but I thank God for it, because it was worth every moment. I looked into his eyes as he was glaring at me sharply. I couldn't read his expression, but I saw a small smirk slip onto his slim lips, so, I reached my arms around his neck. Yes, I felt comfortable like this, after all, he was still holding my waist.

“Hi.” I spoke suddenly. Don't even ask me why I had the courage to even say something to him. That night, my soul has left my body surely.

“Hey.” He said with a low tone, leaning close to my ear so I could hear him. I felt shivers running through my body.

“Wanna smoke?” I asked him with questioning eyes.

He smiled, “Yeah, of course.”

And then, he grabbed my hands and pulled me towards the backyard.

I looked back at my friends, but they were just laughing and shouted, “Go get him!”

It made me laugh as I followed the stranger.

As we finally arrived outside, I felt relieved. The weather was nice, I finally could hear my own voice and I got to inhale some fresh air.

We stopped at the terrace of the house, and I leaned my back against one of the pillars as the stranger across from me did the same thing.

We were quiet for a bit as I enjoyed the fresh air, and I felt him watching me. It wasn't an awkward quiet, it was a comfortable one. I stared back at him, taking in the sight of him as his outfit screamed elegance, but at the same time it was casual; he was wearing all black.

“Aren't you going to smoke?” He asked suddenly, breaking the quiet.

“Nah, I don't smoke.” I said with a serious face.

The stranger looked at me, his eyebrows scrunching together in confusion.

“Then why did you want to come out to—smoke?”

I just shrugged, “I just needed some fresh air, but to not disappoint you—” I started to search for something in my pocket, “I have this.”

I showed him the colorful elf bar, raising it up to his face.

He started to laugh loudly; it was low toned and the sound tingled through my whole body. I loved his laugh.

“Okay.” He nodded, “Then I’m going to smoke a real cigarette.”

He spoke while still smiling as he reached for his cigarettes in his pocket. Damn, he was actually smoking smoking; that’s a red flag, but I like it.

He slowly pulled out a cigarette from the package, and took it in between his parted thin lips, his gaze never leaving mine, only when he lit it up.

I decided to smoke the elf bar which was in my hands. It tasted like a tangle of freshly picked raspberries and blueberries from the wild fields, accompanied with the taste of dark red cherries. I loved the sweet taste as it slowly went down into my lungs, spreading the sweetness everywhere, and then, I exhaled it slowly out into the clear air.

The guy in front of me was staring at my lips as the sweet fog came out from my parted lips.

“Is it good?” He asked, gazing at me.

“It is. It’s sweet, unlike yours.” I said pointing at the cigarette in his hands.

He looked down at it.

“It's not that bad—wanna taste it?” He asked me frowning with a smirk on his lips.

And the look he was giving me sent me to Hell, just for me to return as Lucifer. That's why I was suddenly so bold, out of my mind.

“Do you want to taste this?” I pointed at my elf bar, avoiding his question on purpose.

“Yeah, why not?” He said, stepping closer to me.

I stared at him as an idea came to my mind.

“Wanna double shotgun?” I asked pointing at my elf bar and his cigarette, watching him with inviting eyes.

Just the idea of it was already so exciting, now imagine actually doing it…with a stranger, whom, despite having just met, it felt like I have known him my whole life.

“Hell, yes.” He said in a low tone, it was almost like a thunder. He stepped closer to me, our bodies almost touching, but it seemed like he didn't want to overstep some unsaid boundaries.

And so, I slowly inhaled from the elf bar, inhaling it deep down into my lungs as he did the same with his cigarette, burning the end of it with his inhale.

As we both were ready, we leaned into each other’s bodies, our lips almost touching. We exhaled the smoke at the same time as it tumbled through our parted lips, just to meet with the other's soft lips, inhaling the other's taste. I breathed him in, held it in my lungs, wanting to keep it there forever.

“It's so bitter.” I whispered still leaning close, slowly exhaling the smoke of his cigarette.

“It's so sweet.” He whispered back to me, leaning even closer in, gazing at me with dark eyes, which were telling me so much yet nothing at the same time.

“Wanna taste it on your sweet lips.” He said, reaching out his thumb to brush it against my lower lip.

“Then what are you waiting for?” I whispered against his bitter lips, closing my eyes slowly.

He slowly grabbed my chin and tilted it upwards, and then leaned in to brush his lips against mine. I could taste the bitterness of his cigarette on his lips, blending with the sweet taste of my own lips, which the elf bar has left behind.

Sweet and bitter collided, it was like our own two worlds colliding: he tasted bitter, but somehow, he brought some sweetness into my grey world, painting it slowly full with colors as he brushed his lips against mine.

“You haven’t told me your name.” I said after our lips separated from each other, desiring for more. I wanted to taste him forever.

“Hongjoong.” He whispered, our lips almost touching, “And what's your name, pretty?”

“Y/N” I said, and he smiled at me sweetly as our lips collided again, never wanting to separate.

He filled me up with passion. He made me want to finally step out of my monotone life. I felt like I was alive again. He made my grey life colorful again.

Later on, we were passed out in the back of his car…how’d we let it get this far, I don’t know.

#orshii #hongjoong x reader #kim hongjoong #hongjoong oneshot #kim hongjoong oneshot #hongjoong fluff #kim hongjoong fluff #hongjoong angst #hongjoong smut #kim hongjoong smut #hongjoong ateez #ateez x reader #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez smut #ateez oneshot #ateez fanfic #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #kim hogjoong you are killing me

[yonpote]

Honestly so relieved with the charity they picked. As an adult I spent a lot of time trying to not seek out validation for my political/social opinions from celebrities but I am so glad they're doing this. I don't mind him being apolitical online but it's nice to see he's doing this because it's important

yeah i think phil has always been good about this even tho sure hes not as vocal about his politics as dan can be. i was talking to some friends and i misremembered phil posting a black square on ig during the BLM protests for george floyd (which if u dont remember was just the absolute laziest form of performative activism) but they quickly corrected me that he actually posted a graphic that said Black lives matter and had a handful of resources in support of the movement and didnt tag it was blacksquare or anything like that and imo very clearly wasnt doing that for clout

i'll be real i was growing a little frustrated hearing about people who were really begging them to speak up about this, and i can understand feeling disappointed when your favs dont speak up about something important but ultimately sometimes thats a thing you just have to let go. and like this point is moot now because they are speaking up and supporting the pcrf and everything! i remember when people hounded dan for tweeting about a ceasefire? as in pro-palestine ppl getting angry with the way he worded his tweet? and like. idk i get it sometimes dan doesnt perfectly phrase things but like WE KNOW he has his heart in the right place so like what's the point in getting upset about the particulars of his choice of words.in general internet culture is so much about semantics and wording things rather than about actions and intent and impact on the world.

and its also very much a parasocial thing to where like, i think for ME bc ive figured out a healthier way to interact with my favs. i know how to separate them from me as a person so like, dnp's actions and statements don't say anything about me as a person or any of their fans. and i mean that's been proven with like, on twitter theres like all these fanartists doing incentives for ppl to donate for fanart and thats like so cool and like didnt need to be sanctioned by dnp or anything it was just something a bunch of people decided together ykwim?

#myrambles #anyway point is i agree im very happy they are doing this!

[lukall705]

Young Love [Chapter 2]

I forgot to add TW's on the last chapter but i don't think it needs any

TW: Smut, my horibble writen smut, alcohol??, idk tell me if i need to add more ig

You can read all the chapters i've made so far on my wattpad

https://www.wattpad.com/1378942229-young-love-chuuya-x-reader-x-dazai-chapter-2

______________________________________________________________

Y/N's POV:

After a few hours i finish unpacking my stuff and check the clock on my phone. "its only 16:34?" i say to myself 'might as well go buy myself some food since i don't wanna eat chuuya's or dazai's food' 

When i walk out of my room is see chuuya and dazai have changed their outfits 'are they going on a date or something?' "where are you two going?" i ask them.

"Oh! Hey Y/N, me and Chuuya are going on a date so we will be gone for a few hour!" Dazai says happily. "oh nice, i was just about to go get some food for myself" i say and start to put on my shoes. 

For some reason when i bend down i feel like someone is watching me from behind but i don't think much of it.

A few hours later

I'm just laying in my bed and listening to music while pretending to be in edits and also singing along to some songs.

When ever my favorite songs come on i start dancing or just walking around in my room. "Bernadette, You are my liberty. I celebrate the day, That you changed my history. Oh, life and death. Will always lead you into love and regret. But you have answers, And I have the key For the door to Bernadette~" i sing praying to god that Chuuya and Dazai aren't home yet, because 1, that would be embarrassing and 2, i don't have the prettiest singing voice in the world.

After the song ends i lay back down in my bed waiting for the next song to come on, but realize that my headphone are dead "aw man.." i say and start looking for the changer to the headphones.

Dazai POV: (3rd person)

Dazai and Chuuya are sitting at a bar drinking. (its around 23:00pm btw) 

"Chuuya~ you really shouldn't be drinking this much~ you know you can handle your liquor~" Dazai teases him. "Shut up! i can handle my alcohol very well!"  Chuuya says and chugs down a glass of wine. "oh lord" Dazai says and sees that hes starting to get drunk. 

Suddenly Chuuya gets up and goes over to the karaoke area of the bar, picks up the microphone and starts singing his heart out.

Dazai is giggling and recording the whole thing for later blackmail.

After a while everyone starts leaving because the bar is closing. "Chuuya, baby its time to get you home" Dazai says and picks up the drunk Chuuya.

Y/N's POV:

When i walk back into my room after getting myself some water from the sink i hear Rasputin playing and a young man yelling "COME ON FYODOR, YOU CAN DO IT!!" from the dorm next mine. 'i guess someone's having fun' i think and chuckle to myself. 

I put my glass of water on my bedside table and sit down on my bed and look out the window.

(this what the room looks like with a bigger window and more room + some of you're own thing)

While looking out at the dark street, i see Dazai and Chuuya walking back, or more like Dazai is carrying Chuuya on his shoulders. "he's probably drunk or something" i say to myself.

I put on my headphones and start watching something on my computer.

after sometime i go to the kitchen to get water but stop as my jaw drops 'WHAT. THE. FUCK!?' i think as i see Dazai and Chuuya making out in the kitchen. I almost drop my glass "okay i think its time for me to go to bed, i can't deal with this anymore" i say as i walk back to my room, praying they didn't notice me.

As i walk into my room i turn of the lights and start taking of my clothes, going to bed in only my bra and panties. 

As i try to sleep i hear Dazai and Chuuya going into their bedroom to probably have sex or something, i feel myself start to get pretty horny from just listening to them. 

I just lay there listening to them. I feel myself get flustered hearing what i believe is Dazai's cute moans and whimpers as Chuuya fucks him.

Dazai POV:  

"AH~ hm~ chuuya!~" i moan like a slut as is Chuuya fucks me from behind, and choking me. "fuck, such a slutty boy you are~" Chuuya says in my ear as i cry from the pleasure. 

"please~ i'm a good boy!~ please be gentle~" i plead as the pleasure becomes to much to bare "please let me cum..!~ i'm so close chuuya~" i cry into my pillow.

"No~ not yet, little slut~" Chuuya's thrusts get much faster and rougher, and it's hard for me to not cum right then and there. "p-please!~ Chuuya..!~" i cry and feel his teeth bite my neck.

"cum." Chuuya says in a commanding voice and i cum all over the bed. " good boy~" Chuuya says and kisses my forehead. "you did so well little slut~" he whispers "but its not over yet~" 

Y/N's POV:  

After what feels like forever they finally stop whatever they were doing. I check my phone and see its 5:23 am. "four hours!? damn they are like bunnies in heat.." i say as i try to sleep again.

Next morning: (Y/N POV) 

The next morning i come out of my room looking like shit. when i walk into the kitchen i see Dazai hugging Chuuya from behind while he cooks.

"Next time try to not wake up the whole campus with all of your noises" i say to them in a pissed voice while i make myself some coffee. They both turn to look at me in surprise. "what..?" Chuuya says while nervelessly laughing. "if you're gonna have sex don't be so fucking loud" i walk back to my room while they just look at me in shock, they both must have forgot i was in the apartment and didn't think to try to be quiet. 

After drinking my coffee i start to put on my clothes. 

'looks nice' i smile while looking at myself in the mirror. I'm wearing a white dress shirt, a black jean skirt that goes to my ankles with a slit at the bottom reveling my legs(it can be pants to if you want) a  black west with white stripes and black leggings with small heart on them.

When i walk out of my room i see Dazai and Chuuya eating breakfast, 'that looks kinda good' i think to myself as i put my shoes on.

"aren't you gonna eat something before you leave?" i flinch as i hear Dazai talk to me. "a-ah, no i don't eat breakfast, it makes me want to throw up" Dazai looks at me "okay.." he says as i walk out of the dorm. 'phew' i think as i walk down the hall.

"COME ON FYODOR! CAN WE PLEASE GET ANOTHER RAT?! RATATOUILLE NEEDS A FRIEND!" I hear the same young man from last night yell again. 'isn't that the one who yelled "you can do this fyodor!!" last night?' i think. 

When i turn a corner i see a tall man with white long hair in a pig tail and a scar on one of his eyes, a man with pale skin and black hair to his shoulders and a man with a Christmas tree looking hairstyle and his hair being half white, half purple. 'What the actual fuck is that hairstyle' i think as i look at the poor man. 

All three of them notice that i'm looking at them and the white haired speaks "Oh, hey! you must be new here!" he says and runs up to me "uh.. yeah i am.." i say. "i'm Nikolai, Nikolai gogol!" the white haired man says. "this here is Fyodor, my dear friend!" he says and points at the black haired man. 'the way he said dear seems like they are more then friends' 

"and this one here is Sigma!" Nikolai points at the white and purple haired man. 'there's no fucking way is his name Sigma'. "uh.. i'm Y/N" i say. "hello Y/N, its nice to meet you" Fyodor says in a thick Russian accent and shakes my hand with his cold one. "its nice to meet you too" i smile "i think i heard you guys last night, you guys were playing Rasputin" i laugh.

"OH! yeah we were playing just dance!" Nikolai says happily. I look at Sigma who looks a bit nervous. "uhh.. sorry if we bothered you last night.!" he says. 'poor man' i think 'he probably lost a bet to that Nikolai guy and had to get that haircut'. 

"Oh, no i didn't bother me at all, it made me happy to know someone was having fun" i smile at him. "oh.. okay" he smiles back.

Nikolai goes back to begging Fyodor to get another rat and i walk up to Sigma. "Y/N" i reach out my hand for him to shake "Sigma" he says while shaking my hand. "not to be rude or anything, but is Sigma your real name? isn't it a Greek letter?" i ask "..its not actually my real name.. i have amnesia and forgot my real name.. so i just use that.." he says while scratching the back of his head. "oh i'm so sorry! that must have sounded rude!" i say while panicking a bit "no! its okay! really, a lot of people ask me that, so i don't find it rude anymore" he says trying to reassure me.

'phew' i think. "uhh.. do you want to be friends or something..? i don't really have any friends at the moment.." i ask him "sure" he smiles at me.''

"so.. how long have you been friends with Nikolai and Fyodor?" i ask "about 3 years" he says. i smile at him. "oh, can i have your phone number? you don't have to if you don't want to!" he says "yeah, here its xxxxxxxx" i smile at him. "thanks mine is xxxxxxxx" he says.

"ooo~ is Sigma getting himself a partner?~ its about time~" Nikolai teases him. "WHAT!? NO! WE ARE JUST FRIENDS!" Sigma starts blushing and he feels embarrassed. "Sure~" Nikolai teases him more. "uhh.." i feel a bit uncomfortable, since i'm not really looking to be in a relationship. All of the past relationships i've been have quite toxic or abusive, so i don't really trust anyone anymore. 

"Are you okay Y/N..? you look a bit uncomfortable.. did what Nikolai say make you uncomfortable..?" Sigma asks me "huh? oh, no! not at all! its just that its weird for me to be teased! thats all!" i lie. 

"oh okay.." Sigma says and we start walking somewhere. "so do you want to go somewhere today to get to know each other better?" Sigma asks "sure" i smile.

(i hope yall liked this chapter👉👈 i didn't really have any ideas for this chapter lol. also please give me some ideas for the next chapter, idk what to write in it)

#bsd #dazai osamu #dazai x reader #bungo stray dogs #chuuya #chuuya nakahara #dazai smut #chuuya x reader #bsd sigma #bsd nikolai #bsd fyodor #chuuya x dazai #chuuya smut #bsd x reader smut #dazai x reader smut #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #bsd x reader

[gh0ulkisser]

who's he?` hobie brown

warnings cats??, i didn't proofread so there's probably some mistakes lol, the n word is used once....twice... maybe three times, sexual tenison ig, shit talking ab white people LOL & that should be it... enjoy! also i don't know how british people talk soo he's american in this either hate it or love it. this is my first time writing after a while so feedback would be really appreciated.

based on the song "that's the way love goes" to some extent. was listening to it on repeat & got inspired.

and happy juneteenth to my fellow african americans!

★★★★★★★★★★★★

it's a beautiful monday afternoon. the blazing sun hitting my chocolate skin, the cool breeze kissing my cheeks making me feel relaxed. me and my friend grace decided to have picnic crowded park to celebrate juneteenth, something simple something cute.

"and my mom made these sandwiches for us." grace face lit up with a bright smile showing off the sandwiches that are wrapped in wax paper. "what kind of sandwiches are they?" i asked taking one from her hand.

"some vegetarian sandwich, my mom is on her healthy shit." she unwrapped the wax paper biting the sandwich immediately. "so what's going on with you? i haven't seen you in a while miss thing."

grace looks at me with engaging eyes. "nothing, i've been chilling that's all." i said lightly breaking eye contact. "nigga stop lying." grace yelled making people turn their heads to stare. "who's the boy?"

"there's no boy. i promi-" i got cut off by my phone ringing. me and grace both look at the contact name.

"hobie🫶"

"bitch who the fuck is hobie? and why did you put that emoji?" grace stares at the phone with a shocked face. "why are you assuming its a boy first of all, second of all i use the emoji for everyone i cherish."

"you don't have that emoji for me." i rolled my eyes. "it's not that big of deal i promise. he's just a friend." i grabbed my phone putting it on dnd. "bitch you fucking annoying." grace murmured.

"can you at least tell me about him? likeeee what does he look like.... how do you meet him?" grace asks. i shook my head. "nigga why not?" you can talk to me about anything else but this is where you draw the line?" i nodded taking a bite of my sandwich.

"oh my god! did you fuck him?" grace questions. my mouth open in shocked. "no i didn't fuck him! i literally just met him. grace please!" i unlocked my phone going straight to my camera roll to pull up a picture of him. "this is him." i said passing my phone to grace.

it was a picture of hobie and me at a cat café. his beautiful smile showing his pearly whites, the silver piercings making his face even more sexier and his thick stunning wicks.

★★★★★★★★★★★★

the four-legged animal purred underneath my hand as i softly pet it. "i want to adopt a cat so badly." i said breaking the silence between me and hobie. he looks at me and then the cat. "why? cats are evil."

"if cats are evil why did you agree on coming to a cat café with me?" i lifted an eyebrow looking at him. he smirks. "i needed an excuse to hang out with you." i blushed breaking eye contact.

"i don't know if this is a weird thing to say." i looked up at him admiring his face. so damn attractive...the things this man can do to me. "but white people are so fucking weird." he said snapping me out of thoughts.

silence...

we just looked at each other.

i busted out laughing scaring the poor innocent cat. "what made you say some shit like that hobie?" i asked and he just shrugged. "there was this white girl in my class that had the same last name as me." i paused to pet the cat calming it down. "and i just thought about her ancestors enslaving my people."

"is that a fucked up thing to think about?" i asked him as i played with the cat's tail. "yes." he said nonchalantly. we sat in silence but the silence was soothing and very comfortable.

the purring of the cat and the chatter of the customers filled in the silence. i felt him stare at me. making my heart start to pound against my chest. i then felt this hand start to stroke my thigh.

i looked at his hand then i looked at him.

"you good?" he asked in a mocking way. "mhmm." he smirked knowing i was in fact not good. "you wanna go to my place?" he squeezed my thigh. his cold rings leaving a mark on my thigh.

★★★★★★★★★★★★

"he's cute." grace said grinning. "yea i know." i finished eating my sandwich wiping the crumbs off my mouth. "so he's not your boyfriend?" grace gave you back your phone. you shook your head.

"we are only friends."

#hobie brown x reader #hobie brown x black reader #hobie brown #fuckkk #hope y'all like it

[rainbowdaisy13]

Just watched Miss Americana for the first time after learning the lore around the 2019 coming out plans and it’s so much more heartbreaking with that in mind. At the beginning where she says she didn’t have anyone to celebrate the success of 1989 with, like ‘shouldn’t there be someone standing next to me?’ I can’t help but think the reveal was meant to be that that person was always standing in the shadows because she couldn’t be up there with her. And the old diaries and her saying that she always just wanted to be a good girl and will take whatever amount of success until society won’t tolerate her being successful anymore… she seemed so scared there. At the end when she’s asked what it feels like to not be silent anymore, she’s just so elated when she says ‘fucking awesome’. To think she thought she’d be out when people see this 😭😭😭

And all those cute home videos where you never see the other person… it feels so heavily edited it makes me so sad :( Motion capture paint me in a bad light indeed… I need her next film to be more truthful!

Yeah Miss Americana was such a mindfuck as someone who was in the Kaylor/Gaylor space prior to its release. I was convinced (maybe naively) that this was the Coming Out. The whole documentary turns out to be a big nothing burger—like when we really think about it, a rich famous white woman making an entire documentary about how she finally felt brave enough to make a IG post saying she’s democrat…..it very much gives “people are dying Kim”

I’m still of the belief that Miss Americana was always meant to be a two parter—with “The Heartbreak Prince” being Part 2. When in life has Taylor ever used half of a song title without there being a specific reason?

We may never know for sure if the whole doc was 180-ed to be about “politics” instead of her coming out, but what was released definitely felt off and not genuine like we were told it was gonna be

[hooked-on-elvis]

AND THEN, ELVIS MAGIC STRIKES ME... AGAIN ✨

... ON MY BIRTHDAY! 🎂

Okay, so... Sometimes special things cross our ways unexpectedly. I feel we gotta keep ourselves sensitive enough so we can catch the drift or special things can go unnoticed.

I'm gonna share something that just happened to me, so it has nothing biographical about Elvis here -- but in a way it has everything to do with him and his magic pouring onto his fans when we less expect it. ✨

It all started with:

I have a huge Jensen Ackles crush aside from my Elvis Presley burning passion. A few minutes ago I was peeping Jensen's Instagram profile and his last post was one congratulating his wife, Danneel Ackles for her birthday, which is one day previous to mine (March 18) ♥ -- Yes, today, March 19, is my birthday. Okay, very cute but so what?

Then I went to Danneel's Instagram , just because I was already there. Scrolling through her feed, I crossed a funny video of Danneel and Jensen reproducing the video clip of "You Can Call Me Al" by Paul Simon. It was a celebration for their 10th wedding anniversary. 🥹

Danneel and Jensen Ackles video, shared on her Instagram account:

Official music video:

Cute, isn't it? I love those the Ackles, oh god. They are such a match! 🥹🩷

Okay, since I've never heard the song before, and I loved it very much, I decided adding it to my Spotify's playlists (yes, to some of them, not just one... it's a real good track this one!). But... talk about how surprised I was when I learned the title of the album that song was released in is "GRACELAND".

Isn't this odd? I know, some people just don't believe in nothing like magic... to some folks everything is just coincidence but I can't help but think this... this album getting to me today, and the way it happened, was kinda a gift from EP to me, on my birthday. 🥹

It's nothing related to his own work or anything but I'm a huge music lover, huge, and I love discovering new songs, specially if they are from the past. I think somehow, someway, this was kinda a gift to me. "Oh, just because the title of the album?" -- Sure but also the way that album crossed my way so randomly like that.

I gotta say I haven't checked on Jensen Ackles' instagram profile in a long while -- no kidding -- let alone his wife's IG! I'm actually not checking anything on Instagram for some months now. So why today? Why clicking on THIS specific video on Danneel's IG? Why visiting her IG, by the way?

You can say all you want as think as you'd like... call me silly, it's fine... but I'll take it as a special gift from Elvis to me. Songs I didn't know before, an entire new album for me to appreciate on my birthday and forever on. ♥

One can spend its life thinking such thing as magic is BS, that it doesn't exist. One can chose to spend its live life in such uninspired, cold, lame way, sure, but... appreciating the little things and believing every little thing is a miracle and a gift to make me smile a little more it's the way I chose to spend MY life -- I feel it's not even a choice, actually. It's just who I am.

Anyway... I know it's a silly, small little thing but this was so random it surprised me greatly.

The song "Graceland" doesn't directly mentions Elvis by name, but ya' know... Elvis and Graceland are a single thing. Anyway... I just felt like sharing this here because:

1. It really impressed me how randomly this thing happened.

2. The album is amazing, so I recommend you to listen to it.

Listen "Graceland" (1986) by Paul Simon on Spotify:

I have felt Elvis Magic in some occasions before, but today it was so special. I feel he's just being a friend and giving me a record for me to enjoy my day. Awwww. I'll never forget this. 🩷✨🎂🥹

#elvis magic #thank you el #I know it's you #✨ #birthday vibes #birthday girl #turning 29 and still keeping that child innocent in my heart #thank you very much #paul simon #graceland #1986 #Instagram #Youtube

[miakate-writes]

HIHIHIHI. this isn’t a prompt ig BUT IT KINDA IS. im wondering about love story prompts but YOUR love story 😭. i love hearing abt people’s crushes and tea in general 💀.

you mentioned you had a bf(ITHINK) SO LIKE DROP THE LOVE STORY???? if you’re comfortable in saying ofcofc and it doesnt have to have that much details if you’re not comfortable in sharing it..

GIRLLLL U ARE NOT READY (also tysm for this ask, any opportunity to talk about him 🫶🏻)

also idk how i want to lay this out so i’m just gonna tell u some deets bc i love him sm :)

so basically i’ve liked him since october 2022 and we started dating on april 24th 2023 (the day before my birthday if anyone cares)

defo a “she fell first, he fell harder”

after talking for a painful month (i think it was a month but i’m not really sure bc i didnt even know what a talking stage was or how to know when ur in one), i asked him out

now, the asking him out process was a very stressful one - i had to go downstairs from my bedroom and make myself a VERY strong coffee to get me through it and after screaming a lot, jumping up and down a lot, and my mum and brother crossing their fingers for me, i managed to send that hella risky text and *boom* he felt the same way

the week of our photography exam (we shared a class which is how we got to spend so much time together during secondary school) he bought a flask of coffee into school and we shared it and i got all excited bc it was an "indirect kiss"

our first kiss was on 22nd June, i had been building up to kissing him for like a month and i even started to get my friend to hint to him that he should kiss me - but i beat him to it and kissed him before he left my house that day, then went and celebrated with my mum <3

we went to prom together in July after we had been dating for a while and he said "i love you" while we were dancing - not to slow music bc prom was shit and they only played disco music - and he now will never let it go that he beat me to saying "i love you" even though i asked him out and i kissed him first

he's been the literal best person ever in terms of helping me through all my mental health shenanigans (there's so much going on guys) and i love him so much for it

its been 8 months and 3 days now and i've literally never been happier and i have a small feeling that he feels the same

yea guys we're gonna get married and have 2 kids, 2 dogs and a cat

(might do a part two to this of like stupid quotes that we've said bc this is so fun el oh el)

#asks #asks answered #anon asks #romance #romance prompts #my love life #my love story #i love my boyfriend #i love him #moots #anon ask #send anons #mia kate’s asks #dialogue prompts #bookblr #friends to lovers #she fell first he fell harder #friends to lovers trope #high school romance #teen romance #writerblr #mutuals #lets be moots #moots pls

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

02/10/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; Long Post is Long. Cast & Crew Sightings; David Jenkins; Matt Maher; Clowning; Rhys Darby; Rosie; Samba; Max Trolling Reminder; Coyote Vs Acme Cont'd / Articles; Watch Party Reminders for Feb 11; SafeSpaceShip; Art Director's Guild Nominee; We Need to Be a Lighthouse! Game; AdoptOurCrew Choose Your Own Adventure; Love Notes; Daily Darby / Today's Taika;

= Cast & Crew Sightings =

Well as you can imagine, the David Jenkins IG is the big news of today. The clowning forecast has gone up significantly. Dad posted one of the late-blooming SaveOFMD banners in NY and attached Elton John - Candle In The Wind to the post. This song has some very specific significance to our fandom.

Apparently back when we lost Lucius in Season 1, Chaos Dad posted this song to Nathan Foad. Src @cptn_brightsky's Twitter Post

Now ADD to that... David Jenkins ALSO added this picture of Matthew Maher standing in front of a saveOFMD flyer found out on the street.

NOW OF COURSE, we are all clowning, but I think as usual Chaos Dad is trying to give us info without giving us info since the fandom pays so much attention to every little detail.

@saltpepperbeard has a theory that I'm down to clown with until I turn blue in the face. Src.

So yeah, as always take the clowning how you will, but I'll be honest, this looks like great news to me. It really does. CLOWN ON MY FRIENDS.

= Other Cast & Crew Sightings =

Rhys Darby's going to be at The Bourbon Room Hollywood next Friday, 2/16 at 8 PM PT.

== Rosie ==

Since doing cute stuff just doesn't stop in the Darby houshold, tonight I wanted to make a special shout out to Rosie Carnahan Darby, Rhys' Wife who has been active the last couple days. First and foremost, she knit a little blanket and hat for Samba's baby!

Second apparently she's restocked the Awesomeness Comedy website with more Buttons McGinty books and Comedy Special DVD's in case you're interested.

Oh and by the way, Samba loves the blanket:

= Vico Ortiz =

Tonight Vico was out performing with Them Fatale Drag Kings at their last night at their home bar Redline! Just some shots from their IG stories, feel free to check out more.

== Max Trolling ==

Gentle reminder luvs, if you're going to IG, or Twitter to troll Max posts, let's try to remember not to post OFMD/Negative comments on any posts that are celebrating underrepresented groups. We want to support those groups. Please note however, if you'd done it previously and didn't know, don't beat yourself up! We all make mistakes, just please try to keep it in mind going forward! (If you can delete your previous posts, great, if not, again not the end of the world).

== Coyote Vs Acme Cont'd / Articles ==

Why Deleting and Destroying Finished Movies Like Coyote vs Acme Should Be a Crime

This article is from yesterday but this blurb was pretty damn specific so I wanted to make sure if you missed it you got to see some of the reasons why Max did cancel OFMD.

"Some of the company’s tactics post-merger were garden-variety ruthless, like eliminating 87 series from its streaming platform Max, so that they won’t have to pay union-mandated residuals to the talent that created already-existing programs or pony up funds to produce more seasons of existing ones (such as “Our Flag Means Death,” one of the company’s most popular and critically acclaimed comedies—canceled after just two seasons)."

= Watch Party / Event Reminders =

Feb 11: Q+ and AdoptOurCrew Season 2 Live-Rewatch Party

Times: 2PM GMT, 9 AM EST, 6 AM PST

Watch Party Hashtags:

#OurFlagMeansBBC 

#OurFlagMeansRewatch

#SaveOFMD 

#AdoptOurCrew

= Feb 11: Relax I'm From the Future Watch Party! =

Sunday February 11th, 1 PM PT. 4 PM ET, 9PM GMT

Watch Party Hashtags:

#PiratesFromTheFuture

#SaveOFMD

#AdoptOurCrew

== In Person Events: San Diego CA ==

February 11, 2024 at 4 PM at Maritime Museum of San Diego

Costumes & Cosplay Encouraged! Location: Maritime Museum of San Diego 1492 North Harbor Drive San Diego, CA 92101

Hashtags:

#SafeSpaceShip

#SaveOFMD

#AdoptOurCrew

= Art Director's Guild Award Nominee! =

Sorry, I forgot to add this one yesterday!

Ra Vincent - Nominee for Half-Hour Single - Camera Series. Src: @AdoptOurCrew and ADG

Check out the Design Presentation: OFMD_s2_art.pdf

== We Need To Be A LightHouse! ==

Have YOU heard of this awesome new Monkey Island Inspired Point and Click Adventure Game by @blueberreads and @eldawee? They've been working on it for months and it's FINALLLLLLLY HEEEERE!

These folks are so incredibly talented! Please go check it out here! https://dawee.itch.io/lighthouse If you're using a MAC OS you'll most likely need to download an executable at the bottom of the main page. Just FYI! If it prompts you with the "you downloaded this from the internet" error just click OK. I already started playing with it and I'm in love.

I pushed Ed and he asked if I wanna do something weird xD Okay no more spoilers, GO CHECK IT OUT!

== AdoptOurCrew Choose Your Own Adventure Game!==

In honor of the s2 watch party with Q! tomorrow, @adoptourcrew did a really adorable choose your own adventure game on twitter today! They did polls and let the majority pick which direction they wanted the story to go!

Since it was a lot of pictures I made a separate post so you can see the whole story: @adoptourcrew Choose Your Own Adventure here on tumblr. Please check it out!

== Love Notes ==

Alrighty lovelies. It's been another busy day. Lots of clowning, lots of hope, lots of emotional roller coasters. I hope you had a good time and generally it was more positive than negative. I have a lot I want to say, but my brain is still pretty foggy. So I'll make this short.

Sometimes when things go well, our brain gets excited and then they overcompensate when we calm down. It starts to think a lot more negatively because it had so much extra dopamine for a time. When that happens, little things can be really devastating. I just want you to remember that we all make mistakes and YOU, you beautiful imperfect being are not your mistakes. They hurt, and we learn from them, but they don't define us. Try not to listen to your brain if it's telling you otherwise. You are so very wonderful.

Anyway, I hope that makes sense.

Here's a picture I found today I thought really applied to all you wonderful people. Thank you to all the folks who reached out to me and checked in and sent me love when you knew I was struggling (there are too many to list and I don't know if you want to be tagged so please just know how much I appreciate you). I love you all so much, and I'm so lucky to how found people who make me feel like it's ok to be me.

== Daily Darby / Today's Taika ==

Tonight is once again animal themed. I wish I'd made that Taika gif last night for the lovebirds theme, but here we are.

#daily ofmd recap #daily ofmd recaps #ofmd daily recap #ofmd daily recaps #our flag means death #ofmd #save ofmd #rhys darby #save our flag means death #taika waititi #david jenkins #chaos dad #daddy jenkins #matt maher #samba schutte #rosie carnahan darby #vico ortiz #watch party #relax im from the future #be a lighthouse #clowning

[just-some-random-blogger]

Hello! I feel un gran oso (shame, cringe, etc) for this, but I wanted to request a morpheus one shot hehe. I just NEED this situation to be written or something cause in my opinión its ✨✨

Based on the song Ballroom of Romance of Celtic Woman, where the reader is a human that somehow fell into morpheus grace, and as such she can enter the Dreaming every time she wants through a earring that morpheus crafted, and she wants to celebrate the Day of the Book or the day of the Librarian in honor to Lucienne, and for unknown reasons she gets permission to make a ballroom and well, a lot of dancing and a beautiful dress and Morpheus from his throne like: 🙂 (💓💓💓)

Mutual pining of course ✨

Thank you very much, have a nice day/noon/night!

Here's the song;

😊

Granny's Superstitions

Dream of the Endless x College Student!Reader

Summary: Your grandmother told you stories of how her grandmother was friends with the King of Dreams. You didn't think much of it, not even when you inherited your great-great grandmother's earrings on your 18th birthday. I mean, why would you? They did not correlate. And yet, your granny should have told you it did, so you weren't so surprised when you found yourself in the halls of the Dreaming.

Word Count: 5k+

Warnings: Dark post capture!Dream, fem!reader, themes of misogyny, exasperated college student!reader, reader has a potty mouth, angst, enemies to lovers(?), typos, etc.

A/N: this was an exciting request! I love that you even added a song <3 I enjoyed it very much!! The syncopation in the chorus, its UGH SAUR GOOD. Because of this, I made reader a music major, like me HIHI. I will say, this became quite a dark and angsty fic and for that 😅 im sorry ig. ALSO I CHANGED SO MUCH ABOUT YOUR PROMPT I- ASODHASFOIAHFAHSF:HASF I do hope you still enjoy it my dear T_T [CRIES] IDK WHY I DID THIS TO YOUR REQUEST AND MYSELF IT WAS THE EARRINGS I HYPERFIXATED ON IT AND EVERYTHING JUST WENT BOOM T_T this is literally escapism PS the character Tim Henson in this fic is real, he's from a band called polyphia, which I love, and you don't have to imagine him as Tim, but I sure did LOL

I was effectively buzzed by the alcohol in my blood stream, and yet no amount of booze would make the unwanted stares from my classmates ever palatable.

Had I known making an effort in dressing up would merit the reaction I got for attending this party I didn't even want to attend in the first place, then they should all be glad that I wasn't in fashion department but in music.

Yet another rando turned to me and smiled, complimenting my outfit, to which I forced out a chuckling thank you.

I don't know why they're so upset that the guy they liked thought I was hot! It's not like it's my fault I got attention I didn't want.

I huffed as I pushed the restroom door open. I wash my hands as I stare at my face in the mirror. I behold the efforts I put on painting my face, on doing and redoing my liner, on perfecting the color on my lips.

I clench my jaw tightly at the feel of tears pricking from my eyes.

I thought they were my friends, finally I had friends, and yet all it took was one guy to ruin all that.

I close the faucet and lean on sink, releasing a sigh. I look at my reflection, watching the sapphire earrings dangle by my jaw.

I scoff at myself. I wore my heirlooms for them?

"Gosh, I miss home," I say, screwing my eyes shut as I straighten myself up. I begin to fidget with the small jewels on my lobes and head for the door. "Who cares if I leave early," I pull the door open, "no one's gonna-"

My ghost leaves me and I still when I see the dark expanse of the hall. There was no way this was the room I just exited, no way it was a dark, high-fricking-ceiling hall with marble floors, and massive stained glass windows that were broken. There was no way because there was not a single piece of furniture or intoxicated student in sight, only debris.

From my frozen stance, I push my hand behind me in an attempt to catch the knob I just let go. When I turn, my heart drops when I am faced with the fact I was in the middle of an empty hall with no door in sight.

Did they drug me?

I begin to pant as I do a 360 of the area.

I choke on my spit and go reeling back when I see a dark face in front of me. I am not nearly fast enough in my movements as the man's large strides allow him to quickly catches me in his tight grip.

"How have you come here, intruder?"

His voice is impossibly loud and deep that it seemed it was spoken by the very room itself. My hands dart up to cover my ears, but his grip on my biceps prevented that.

I open my mouth to speak, but the furrow of his brows and the tension of his jaw bring render me mute.

His darkened blue eyes widen a fraction. He scoffs, "I see. You are a thief."

My brows knit at the accusation.

He steps closer, fingers digging into my flesh, "what did you wish to achieve with those earrings?"

A shiver runs down my spine and I begin to stutter.

"What did you do to its owner?" his voice demands, going an octave lower. My eyes widen when his form begins to grow larger and the room begins to darken, "did you hurt her?"

My sight begins to blur with fearful tears when his pale skin disappears into nothingness, "I never met my her! She was dead before my mother was even born!"

"What?!" his voice echoes, seemingly endlessly.

"I NEVER MET GRANNY JOSEPHINE!" I scream, "I just inherited the earrings, I swear!"

When his form begins to revert, I decide it was do or die. I break away from his grip and manage free. However, when I pull away from him, I fall on my butt and freeze at the pain. I crawl away from him as far and as fast as I can, but as much as I didn't want to, I halt when pain shoots up from my palm. I pull my hand toward me and find blood on it.

"You are her progeny," he says.

When my eyes dart back to him, he is just a man in with black hair and a trench coat.

My pulse quickens when he walks over to me.

In an act of self preservation, I grab a concrete rock nearby and throw it to him as hard and best as I can. I goes right through his form and my eyes blow wider than they already are.

I push myself back, through the pain and blood on my palms, "STAY AWAY FROM ME! I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT BUT-"

"I apologize," his voice mutters, silencing me in pure bewilderment.

I look up to the man and examine his face and his outstretched hand.

He cannot possibly believe I would take that.

I prefer the pain of pushing myself up and make sure not to break eye contact with him as I do. Once I am back to my feet, the man looks at me then the blood dripping from my fingers.

"What the fuck are you?" I shudder out, slowly backing away from him.

His eyes lift back to me and he raises his nose, "I am the King of Dreams."

My body trembles at his words. My hands shake as I chuckle in disbelief, "no way- no fucking way. My grandmother- those bedtime stories- you're-"

"Real?" he finishes for me, "as real as your blood staining my floors."

My eye twitches at his remark. I scoff, still on edge, and yet I cannot withhold the retort in the back of my throat, "you're annoyed by my blood dripping when your your filthy floor?"

The Dream king seems not to enjoy that comment and yet I could not help myself, "my blood is the least of your problems, don't you think?"

I grip my injured hand.

"Leaving unwanted traced of yourself is not good for my domain."

I raise my brows at that, "well if you didn't shapeshift and scare the living shit out of me, then maybe I wouldn't have had to crawl away from you."

"I thought you were an intruder."

"But aren't you all knowing, or some shit," I heave, "so much for a king."

"You dare insult me in my own abode right after I've scared you out of your wits?"

I dare a step forward, "well to be humbled, your majesty, for bringing me here just to intimidate me-"

"I did not bring you here," he cuts me off, diminishing the space between us.

And though my pulse was loud in my ears, I remained steadfast in my place.

His hot breath hits my face as he speaks, "you thought of the Dreaming and travelled here yourself."

I pull my face back as it contorts, "I did not think of this hellhole. I thought of home."

"Yes, and this place is a home for all who are weary."

I hum, "you mean before it crumbled to the ground."

My breath hitches at the sound of his growl, "you inherited not an ounce of congeniality from your great-great grandmother."

The way he knows how far off granny Josephine was to me really struck a chord in me. I press my lips together, "well, I'm glad to have disappointed you so soon so that you wouldn't expect anything from me."

He bellows, "mortality never loses its audacity," he brings his face down to me, making my skin rise with gooseflesh, "I would withdraw the earrings you clearly do not deserve, but out of respect to Josephine, I shall allow you to keep it," he seethes, "but for your insolence you will know how much of a king I really am."

BUZZ.

BUZZ.

BUZZ.

BUZZ.

BUZZ.

BUZZ.

BUZZ.

BUZZ.

I slam my hand on my alarm and rip my heavy lids open.

I groggily groan as I struggle out of bed.

Ten days it's been since the last time I slept properly. If falling asleep wasn't the problem, then it was trying to wakeup from the horrible nightmares that plagued me.

I slam my books on my desk, making my seatmate turn to me and watch as I sit down next to him.

"Well, good morning to you too, zombie girl," Tim greets with a shit eating grin.

"I am not in the mood, you ass," I grunt, crossing my arms as I lean back on my chair.

"You haven't been in the mood for two weeks," he says, "Don't you think you should do something about it?" he leans on the table and knits his brows in concern.

I wipe my face and give an annoyed chuckle, "what can I do when I'm literally beefing with the king of dreams," I carefully word, "and nightmares."

"Poetic," he rests his hands on the back of his tattooed hand, "a true sign of insanity."

"Go fucking annoy someone else, you rat."

"Nah, if I do, you'll be lonelier than you are."

I shoot him a dirty look as he then places something in front of me.

I look at the grey packet as he explains, "sleeping pills."

I turn back to him and push the medicine away, "don't work. I've tried."

He raises a brow, "without prescription?"

"There is such a thing a over the counter drugs, Tim."

"Spoken like a true druggie."

I scoff.

He continues, "this was why I told you not to attend that snobby party. You ever noticed that ever since then, you've gotten fucked up in the brain. It's no coincidence."

"Again, thank you captain obvious," I slam my hands on the table and turn to him, feeling my head pulse in exhaustion, "and so sorry that not everyone can be a cool and popular as you."

"Why'd you even wanna make friends with them when you-"

"SHUT UP!" I scream, making the entire class turn to me. I feel embarrassment rise up my neck, and was only lucky that our teacher wasn't here yet. I sink down into my arms and bury my face as I mutter, "Enough. Enough! I get it, Tim. 'I told you so.' Geez, just get off my ass."

He calls my name, making me groan, "I'll do something about my insomnia! Just please, shut the fuck up."

"You better," he scoffs, "or else I'll plant a pea shooter in your lawn."

And so later that day, I did what I perhaps I should have the very moment after I met the Dream King.

I called my grandmother.

"Hi, granny," I smiled, holding my phone up to my face as I waved at the harshly zoomed face of my grandmother on the screen.

"How are you there?" she excitedly answers, "I'm so glad you thought to call."

I nod and chuckle, "me too, granny."

She takes a moment before responding, "you look tired. Have you been sleeping and eating well."

"Yeah, about that..."

After explaining everything to her, her voice grills the audio of my device because of how loud it is, "HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO DREAM OF THE ENDLESS?!"

"Granny, that-"

"YOU MUST APOLOGIZE TO HIM AT ONCE-"

"I think we're past apologies. I have to do something more to make it up to him if I'm to ever sleep well again."

"Darn straight," she mutters in agreement, "now, oh goodness, let's see..." she sighs and wipes her face, "PIE!"

I raise a brow, "pie?!"

"My grandmother absolutely loved baking and everyone who ate her apple crumble pie adored-"

"Hello," a voice calls, making me turn to whom spoke. I see a woman with glasses walking over to me and I give an awkward smile as I raise the tray in my hand, "hi... is Dream here?" Once she is before me, she takes in my appearance then raises a finger, "ah, you're the one who inherited the Sapphire Dream Walk." "... do you mean my earrings?" "Yes. I-" "What are you doing here, girl?" I look over my shoulder and see the annoyed expression on the Dream of the Endless, as my grandmother put. "A peace offering," I release a sigh and hand him the tray, "my grandmother said that granny Josephine made you pie and you so enjoyed." The two of them only stare at me. "It's most definitely not as good-" "Lucienne, I don't have time for this," he says, turning to the woman who greeted me. Dream turns about and debris from the room begins to float up. Lucienne places a hand on my arm then gratefully accepts the tray from me, "I thank you on behalf of my master for your most generous gift."

"Yeah, that's not gonna work," I sigh, running my hands through my hair, "I did not inherit any homemaker skills."

My grandmother says my name gravely.

"What? It's true!" I shake my head, "if I did, then I would have been better off marrying a rich man," I dryly joke.

My grandmother ignores this as she suddenly says, "if your baking skills are that bad, perhaps just make an effort to eat with him every lunch."

I make a twisted face, "you want me to waste my precious free time on that emo prick-"

"Hi," I raise a hand, making Dream and Lucienne, who seemed to be getting into a heated argument, halt and turn to me. Dream scoffs, "you again." I awkwardly chuckle and rub my arm. "What? No bribe this time?" he narrows his eyes at me as he walks over. I purse my lips and twist to reveal my backpack, "I bought lunch for all of us..." There is a sound of thunder from the outside. I look away from the stalking man, finding there was even less debris now compared to yesterday, "it seems your efforts to liven up the place are-" "Silence."

"Oh, so you have a better idea?!" my grandmother quips.

"Granny, I can already imagine-"

"You said," I grip my earlobes tightly in my fingers, "you wouldn't take my earring back for the sake of Josephine." "But that was before," he presses close to me that our bodies were nearly touching, "you were turned out to be a meddlesome insect." "How is being friendly to someone who clearly needs friends meddlesome?" "Friends?" his deep voice darkly chuckles, "it is you who needs friends," his voice echoes, "you think I did not sift through your memories to verify your words? I know well the day you came here you were at a party on the pretense of making companionship," he leans in that his nose nearly touches mine, "but they turned you away, did they not?" My eyes glass at his words and my breathing grows jagged at the words he next spoke. "If your fellow mortals do not want you, what makes you think that I would?" "My lord!" Lucienne calls. I do not grant him the satisfaction of another moment of my time and will myself back to my room.

"-how bad it'll be-"

I hold up a cupcake in a plastic container to the man who was reading on his throne. "Your insolence knows no bounds, girl." "Actually, it's chocolate chip cheesecake." He eyes me darkly, slamming his book closed, "you think you can win me over with food?" "I can tr-" "It is by my own power than I am sustained," he stands and swats my cupcake away, "and by my mercy that you have not slipped into madness." I gulp as he adds, "not yet."

"-if I force myself-"

I try to contain my giggles as Lucienne and I sit on a picnic blanket I bought for today. "It's so weird to know that without him, Bach would've never finished his most famous piece, which is so gentle and sweet and-" I finish with a whisper, "unlike your boss." She sighs as her lips press into a soft smile, "you know... he's not actually that bad. He's just... going through something." I roll my eyes, "what puberty?" Lucienne shakes her head "he has been hurting for a long time." "Just because you've hurt doesn't justify the hurt you inflict on others," I mutter, "you don't have to keep defending your petty king." Dream, who had just finally fixed and tidied the last of the rubble, speaks up "you are aware there is no such thing as hushed whispers in my realm?" He turns to us and walks over with a storm cloud over his head, "every crude remark you've uttered as you stuff your face with your cheap, store bought snacks has echoed in my ears." I look up at him, opening my mouth, but Lucienne's hand grabbing mine silences me. "If you wish to insult me as retribution, then perhaps I should darken your mind more than I already have." "Dream! She has not-" "I've had enough of you as well, Lucienne," he quips, "you tell her things that is not yours to tell." "But you have withheld rest from her, my lord!" she says as she stands, "and for what? Because she told you the realm was in shambles, when it clearly was?!" "I shall heed none of your flippant words and continue to do so as I see fit."

"-to hang around him when he clearly doesn't like me!" I exclaim, already frustrated by the idea.

"Then, do something you like... together."

I release a sigh.

"Perform for him, you are a musician after all, and he is every musician's muse."

Lucienne claps as I release a sigh and allow my guitar to rest on my shoulder on its strap. "A splendid performance indeed," she smiles at me. I awkwardly thank her and turn to Dream beside her. "Pitiful that talents are wasted on a girl as unsavory as she." I shake my head and release a scoff, "aren't you tired of being an asshole?" His lips curl in disgust, "perhaps nightmares aren't enough. Maybe taking your voice-" "You think just because you're powerful and fucking old, all your actions are justified?" I remove the guitar strap and begin to put it back in its case, "I just want to sleep! And I've been making an effort to pacify you, but you're acting like a child." "I'm acting like a-" "THEN I'M ACTING LIKE A CHILD, DAMMIT," I heave, "and you are the perfect Dream of the Endless!" I get on my knees and bow to him mockingly, "none could defy his will."

"Granny, that's-"

"Oh! I've got it. I've got it! I remember. The king is absolutely fond of ballroom dances. Perhaps you can convince him to allow you to plan a dance for him."

"Granny, where would I even plan such a thing?"

"The dreaming of course," I press my lips into a smile, watching Dream's dark face eye me impatiently. "I've had quite enough of your games, girl," he snips, "first you bribe me with food, now you're trying to fool me into dancing with you." "What-" I whine, "is it going to take-" I huff, "for your petty ass to forgive me." He scoffs, "well perhaps you could start by dropping the unnece-" "But I have! I did! I tried being nice, but you do nothing but attack me." He scoffs, "and if that were true then you would not be sufferings still." "I JUST WANT TO SLEEP!" I scream, lunging at him as I grab his stupid collar, "you have NO idea what it feels like to be so tired but restless." "I think I would know-" "BUT YOU DON'T! Because you don't need sleep, or food, or anything! You are just an all powerful monster, devoid of emotions and any sense of compassion." He shoves my hands off him and I pull back as I heave. Dream tilts his head at my tear stained face with disdain. "Lucienne told me you were captured-" "It was not her place to tell you anything." "You would know what it feels like to be trapped!" I release a shudder, "or perhaps you are so caught up in your own self-pity that you will never believe anyone else can suffer, at your cruel hands, no less."

I slam my head on the cafeteria table repeatedly until I feel my forehead sting. I feel tears prick my eyes in frustration.

I just want to sleep.

"I just wanna sleep, you royal douche bag-" I whimper, "can you fucking hEAR ME-"

"Hey!" someone catches my forehead, mid head bang, and I crane my neck up to see the worries and breathless face of my classmate, "where have you been? I haven't seen you at lunch in forever."

I groan and straighten up, just to slump down on my chair and rub my eyes in frustration. "I'm so fucking tired, Tim."

"Yeah, no shit," he says, right as the sound of a chair being dragged back fills my ears, "you look like shit."

I let out a whimper, unable to withhold the tears from my eyes, "you think I don't fucking know that?"

I break down against my palms, incapable of keeping my emotions in anymore. Tim stiffens at the sight and lets out a string of curses before placing a hand on my shoulder, "I didn't mean to-"

"Look, if you're here to annoy me too, just leave, Tim."

"What?"

I rip my hands away and look at him with my wet eyes, "I don't know why you're here, but just leave!"

He scoffs, "you don't know why I'm here?" He crosses his arms, "well maybe because I'm worried about you?! Because we're friends?!"

"..."

His brows furrow, "how's that, asshole?"

"... we're... friends?"

Tim's face twists, "are you fucking stupid for real?"

I don't get to reply as my name is suddenly called. I turn to my side and feel my blood still at the face before me.

"You called me," Dream says, turning from me to Tim, "are you in trouble?"

I still and turn between the two, as an incredulous chuckle leaves my throat, "now hold on," I scoff, "hold on just a damn second."

Dream turns back to me and I peer up at him, "are you trying to tell me that you came here because you thought I called you and that I was in some sort of trouble."

"You did call me," he mutters, completely ignoring the rest of what I just said, "I am not one to lie."

Tim turns to me as I laugh. His face is warry as when I stand from my seat. The serious expression Dream's face disturbs me and I chuckle yet again.

"I'm so sorry," I place a hand on my chest, "where are my manners? I should introduce you two first: Tim, Dream, Dream, Tim," I turn to the latter, "you wanna know where I go at lunch? This is the Dream Lord I've been duking it out with every time."

Tim rises from his seat, grabbing my arm.

It seems, Dream does not take kindly to this and shows it by stepping close to the man. As Tim turns to the glaring Dream, I scoff and push the Endless to face me, "you're insane. Aren't you?"

Tim speaks my name softly.

"No," I turn to Tim, "he's the reason why I can't sleep because I questioned his kingliness or some shit-" I snap back to Dream, "in fact I'm so fucking tired I don't remember why you've been giving me nightmares in the first place."

"Okay, calm down," Tim tugs me towards him as he repeats my name, "we should just go to my place now and have lunch there."

"And who are you to take her anywhere?" Dream demands, making Tim's face contort in anger.

"I'm her actual friend, dipshit."

"Except she doesn't have any friends."

Tim snorts in annoyance, "as I'm sure you've been gaslighting her to believe."

With that, we walk away from Dream, even though I was so ready to lunge at him. Tim gave me an absolute earful about something, not that I actually listened. But still, even as his words entered one ear and out the other, I still cringed at the severity of his harsh but concerned tone.

Out of spite of myself, I told him I would skip the rest of my classes and sleep the entire day. After arguing about it, Tim eventually walked me back to my home and I punished myself by actually trying to go to sleep.

You have no idea how shocked I was when it worked.

I didn't realize I was sleeping because I was suddenly in a glimmering black dress.

Lucienne came running over to me with a wide smile, "You did it! You did it, dear, you did it!"

"What?"

"You've put sense into that old fool's head," she grabs my face, "and convinced him to throw a ball in honor of the reconstruction of the Dreaming."

"Wait," I shake my head, "so I'm-" I grip my earlobes and find only the smoothness of my skin, "dreaming?"

Lucienne beams at me as tears glass my eyes.

"Now, is not the time for sadness," she sighs, grabbing my hands, "today we celebrate!"

Seeing all sorts of beings dancing and making merry in the grand halls with such festive and upbeat music made it hard to resist. Of course I was reluctant and in denial. It was all happening so quickly, But when I was drawn into the middle of the room by Lucienne, who linked her arm in mine, and started spinning around, I couldn't help but laugh and dance with her.

My spirit is livened by the sound of the fiddles and the sweet voice singing to the music.

By the time the chorus comes along, I am relaxed and try to hum along with the music as Lucienne and I giggle at how poorly we were dancing.

I am promptly halted when the arm linked in mine pulls away and I slam into a firm dark chest.

I grip on a pair of biceps and tilt my head up. Dream he looks down at me with an expression I have never seen before.

I pull away quickly, but he catches my wrist, "it was your idea to have a dance," he leads me back near to him, "might you share one with me?"

I'm surprised he actually waits for my response. And so I reluctantly nod my head.

The moment I do, he does the weirdest thing. His lips curve upwards and he spins me to the beat of the music.

All the stiffness and unwillingness begins to melt away as Dream leads me to the music. Though his gaze on me is heavy and scrutinizing, I cannot bring myself to look away.

"It really took a man showing his concern for me for you to finally change your mind," I mutter.

"No," he readily denies, "it was you who made me change my mind."

I roll my eyes, "but it took Tim to set the wheels in motion."

He shakes his head, "you truly could not be farther from your great-great grandmother."

I huff, unable to understand him, "she must have meant a lot to you."

"She did," he pauses for a moment, "she was the gentleness to my indifference."

"So, what? Is this the part where you tell me you're my great-great-granddaddy?"

He spins me around and presses his chest against my back, "if Josephine were here, she would be horrified to know how filthy her daughter's lips are."

"I'm not her daughter..." I mumble, feeling my pulse rise at our proximity, "I'm her great-great-"

Dream spinning me cuts me off. When he retrieves me by my waist, he softly tells, "you were right. I have been cruel and devoid of emotion."

Our dancing comes into a stop as he willingly admits this.

"My own hurt and the unjust expectations I had of you to act like someone you are clearly not is what lead me to be so," he mutters with a solemn expression, "it does not make it right, and it is not an excuse, but I wanted to tell you this."

My brows furrow tightly at his words. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"I apologize for my wrongdoings. I do not enjoy what I have become, and I know I am disgracing the memory of my friend for being so brutal to her child."

I feel a shiver run down my spine. In pure disbelief, I grab his face, "are you seriously Dream of the Endless?"

His teary eyes crinkle in amusement and it causes me further bewilderment, "I am."

When he places hands on my wrists so gently, I feel goosebumps form on my arms.

"You are so familiar yet so foreign to me all at once."

I pull away from him, not knowing what to say.

Just then, the music ends and everyone but us breaks into applause.

When another song plays, I press my lips and extend my hand out to him, "how about another dance?"

Tim was lying on the other side of a cafeteria table, while I was sat opposite to him as I typed away on my laptop. He was playing on his electric guitar connected to his tiny, rechargeable amp, which was propped on the table. His nonchalance while expertly riffing made passersby stop, watch, and swoon. Typical Tim. He sits up just as I turn back when I hear my name get called. A small smile finds my lips as I greet my caller, "Dream. What are you doing here?" "It's lunch time and you have not come to the Dreaming yet." Dream catches the fact that I was not wearing my earrings, just as I chuckle, "and why would I go to the Dreaming?" Tim had already straightened up and stopped playing at this point. I shake my head and shrug, "I'm not going to pretend like I didn't go to you to convince you to stop my nightmares. And now you've gotten rid of them, I won't bother you." I examine Dream's expression, but there was nothing to examine, he was as still as a statue. "You don't have to worry about me. You can do your work in peace now," I nod and turn back to my laptop. Tim's eyes widen at what he hears and he decides to just lie back down and play again. I stop myself in the middle of typing to steal a look behind me in case Dream was still there. When I found no one, I pushed the thought of him away and finished my homework.

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