#and its not like Sam can EVER talk about it or reveal it.

[espinosaurusrexex]

Congrats on 1k followers, you deserve it! I love your writing so much, I’d love to see you write a Bucky x Reader Mind Reader fic where enhanced!reader can read minds and knows that Bucky is pining after her.

THANK YOU! Part of that is because you keep supporting my work, and I love you so much for it 🥰💕💗 - seriously go check out M's page for some great fic recommendations!

Mind Reader (Bingo Game)

!BINGO ASKS CLOSED!

BuckyBarnes x Enhanced!Female!Reader

word count: 2.1k

warnings: pining, fluff, Bucky being very sweet but also self-sabotaging, language

It started off like a whisper. You weren’t used to whispers. Normally, people talked to themselves in moderate volumes. Who would be afraid of their own thoughts after all? But Bucky was different. He was so different, in fact, that you had mistaken his thoughts for something entirely else. 

You should go over to them, be part of the group. I can’t.

They were like conversations. But not like thoughts usually were. More like a constant...

No wonder nobody likes you. You’re a coward.

...fight.

Shut up.

You looked up at Bucky who was shaking his head with a frown over at the other end of the room. Wanda and Sam were standing by the window talking, laughing. Bucky was never part of it and it saddened you a little. Especially because he was actually very sweet. He just never showed it. But that’s why you liked to occasionally listen to his thoughts. 

That was very well said, Steve. Good job.

It made you smile. And even though you had promised the team not to do it, sometimes, you couldn’t help yourself. He was just...

I like that braid Natasha did today, maybe she can braid my hair like that too.

...so...

This is the best food I’ve ever tasted. Wow, Sam.

..cute.

And that’s why you did it occasionally.

You got up from your seat at the kitchen island and walked over to the sink. Bucky stepped aside to give you space. He was still a little timid around everyone. You talked to him frequently though, trying to include him in activities and general conversation to make sure he didn’t feel left out. And he appreciated it. 

“Thank you,” you whispered before passing him to leave the room.

Oh, wow. She smells very good. Don’t be a creep.

You bit back a smile before leaving, your heart skipping a small beat before settling in its pace again. Bucky was so endearing with his little compliments. But he would never dare say them out loud - not with that condescending voice he harbored as well.

You wanted to do something about it, but you also knew it would reveal your little secret of occasional drop-ins to his mind. And you were sure this was a boundary you couldn’t cross with Bucky yet. Steve? Sure, what was he going to do about it? Sam would probably close his ears to prevent you from listening to his thoughts - he didn’t think a lot of times... Nat would probably not mind at all, but Bucky? No, you didn’t know what it would do to him. 

So you restrained. But it became harder and harder with time as Bucky’s thoughts turned in a direction neither of you had expected. 

She looks so pretty today. 

He was subtle at first, surprised by his own mind but somehow content. Over time, you looked at him afterward, he smiled, a small blush creeping over his cheeks to his ears. It was adorable. 

He noticed things nobody else did. He had attention to detail, and he was so interested in the smallest of things you did. 

Did she put on eyeshadow? Her eyes are shining. Not for you.

But it was always there, at the end of each compliment - ready to destroy the little warmth he spread in your heart - that voice. That annoying, down-talking, and toxic voice his mind hosted and that was nothing like the Bucky he revealed to the outside. 

I wish I could hold her hand. She will run away from you.

Your heart clenched with every day his mind ruined the few soft moments Bucky allowed himself. You wanted to just grab him, squish him tight and tell that stupid voice to shut up. Because you did want to hold his hand during movie nights, or that day he noticed your new nail polish, or the time your fingers brushed against his when he handed you a mug. And it was killing you, tearing you apart from the constant tug of war his mind was playing. 

You wanted to hear the compliments he thought of but at the same time, the flip side of his thoughts became more painful every time. Still, you challenged him, walked past him closer, looked at him longer, talked to him more - just to feel the goosebumps building when his kind words reached your mind. Unfortunately... just for them to be destroyed right after.

Her lips look so soft. I bet she’s a good kisser. Fucking creep.

So, you eventually got so used to listening, it became more and more difficult to distinguish thought from spoken words with time. You couldn’t stop, though, it was too thrilling - too nice to be appreciated.

You found yourself lingering in spaces Bucky was more often. Not necessarily talking, just being in the same place, stealing glances, listening to his mind - finding calm in the soothing tone of his silent monologues... however condescending they ended up being. 

Right now, you were doing exactly that: Sitting in the common room, reading a magazine while Bucky sat across from you, mindlessly opening and closing his book, but you knew he wasn’t reading...

Imagine what it would be like to just be able to go over and sit next to her.

You smiled, biting your cheeks immediately.

Calling her my girl... Jesus, I don’t think I know how dating works anymore.

You stole a glance at him, but Bucky was looking down quickly, tracing the cover of his book with his index finger. 

You will never find love again... that’s ok, it’s too overwhelming anyway.

This time, you had to will yourself to keep your eyes on the page. They hadn’t moved over a single word for the entire time. You shook your head, took a deep breath, and tried to actually read. Bucky’s mind was silent for some time, and as much as you liked hearing him, it was nice to not experience his sad thoughts.

After a while, you began to actually read. The article was actually somewhat entertaining, you should have done it sooner. Your eyes flew over the page, eating up the meaning behind the latest internet trend, your fingers flipping to the next page.

That outfit looks so good on her. That’s her color. I wish I had a color.

“It’s cerulean,” you laughed absentmindedly, your eyes nearing the end of the page.

“What?” Oh my god.

Oh shit. Your head shot up immediately, sight panic surging up your spine. “The answer for my crossword.” Close call.

You’d think that after this accident, you had gotten more careful, maybe stopped reading his mind so much. But something always drew you towards him. When Bucky was in the room, even Peter's weird and random rabbit hole thoughts seemed to move in the background. 

You craved Bucky’s thoughts - they excited you, made you feel like no one else’s compliments ever did - so you didn't stop. But today, you actually wished you had...

Bucky’s mind was particularly gruesome today. He and Steve had just come back from a rather frustrating mission. Many pedestrians were injured, no targets contained - and it made the bad voice in his head take over. 

You’re such a failure, Steve risked his life to save you and for what? For you to fuck it all up again. 

The common room was empty when you heard it. You were the only one in the adjacent kitchen, Bucky’s thoughts preceding his entrance by a few seconds. When he entered, he stopped in his tracks, looked at you, and let a small “Hi.” Slip past his lips.

“Hey,” you responded sadly. There was no compliment today. His mind went back to his prior train of thought immediately. 

“How are you?” You carefully asked to loosen the awkwardness, but Bucky just turned to the fridge with a gruff mumble.

“Fine.”

It would have probably been better for everyone if Hydra just had had its ways with me. Had me die of all the torture eventually. Then all of this would have never happened. 

Tears sprung to your eyes at his thoughts. But it was even worse, you couldn’t help him - he had never really told you and it was eating you alive. 

Everyone is just better off without me...

And then a slight sniffle escaped you, the tears running freely as you imagined Bucky not being part of your life. It was so sad that he couldn’t see how important he was to all of you. You especially. He had made your life at the compound so much brighter, was a thing you always looked forward to as a part of your day.

"Are you okay?” Bucky turned immediately, his eyes going wide when he saw your distraught face. You fucking idiot, of course she’s not okay. It’s probably your fault, too. 

“Stop!”

“Stop what?” He moved closer. “Stop what?”

“The arguing, the- the constant downplay.” You wiped your tears but there was no use, fresh ones were already replacing them. 

“Doll, I don’t know what you-”

You shook his frame, your hands wrapping around his biceps. “I need you! Nobody would be happier if you were dead!”

It was dead silent for a moment. You could watch as the confusion shook from Bucky’s face with every jolt you were giving him. But you didn’t care. It was enough - he was enough. 

When your hands finally let go, Bucky cleared his throat, his eyes, however, never left yours.

"So you do read my thoughts.” 

“I-“ but your mouth was faster than your mind. You didn't know what to tell him. You had promised the team to never do it. You knew it was a breach of privacy, a breaking of trust. Your head hung low as you avoided Bucky’s eyes. They weren’t furious, or confused - really, nothing you had imagined them to be if he ever found out. He was kind of... calm. As if something had been lifted off his shoulders - it must have been the closure you provided him with. 

You dared to glance up again just to be met with that confusing look of his again, and the fact he wasn’t saying a thing made you panic. “I’m sorry, I was too curious. Because every time I...” You sighed, shoulders slumping in defeat. There was no use in defending your actions. “I’m sorry. I promised not to read your minds and I did it anyways. That’s not okay.”

But Bucky didn’t seem to listen to the words tumbling over your tongue in desperation. His brows were scrunched when his eyes flicked to the ceiling and then back to you. What the hell was this about?

“If you heard that... did you also hear my... you know...” Oh. Right. The compliments. How could you have forgotten? They were the very reason you were in this situation right now. 

You breathed in deeply. “Yeah.” And it felt a lot better now that it had all been said. 

“Oh.” Bucky’s cheeks tainted in pink when he turned in place awkwardly. But even though the kitchen was massive, there was no real hiding from you. 

You watched as he shuffled in front of you, shifted his weight from one foot to the other, and looked anywhere but at you. And it reminded you of the Bucky only you got to experience in secret. The one whose thoughts never left that brain of his and it warmed you from the inside out again. 

“Thank you,” you finally whispered, careful not to chase him away. Because it looked like he was about to bolt, though something was keeping him from doing so.

“For what?” Big blue orbs found yours again, intrigue and confusion weaving through his features - it was adorable.

You bit your lip. “All the compliments. You’re very charming, you know?” Part of you wondered if the old Bucky - 40s Bucky - was just like this. Innocently sweet, maybe with a hint of shameless flirting though. “You are such a great person, Bucky. If the others could hear how incredibly attentive you are. They would love to have you around more.”

Your hand reached out to touch his arm and the blush on his cheeks deepened.

“I’ll try,” he smiled, the tension from before seemingly forgotten in the vast kitchen.

You smiled as well, riding on a wave of confidence when you leaned forward to press a chaste kiss to his heated cheek.

Sweet Jesus, I think I’ll pass out. 

You just chuckled and left. The other conversation hanging in the room had to wait for now. First, you wanted to see Bucky mingle with the crowd, get comfortable, then, you’d work on finally making him yours. 

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[franklespine]

Something interesting about the rare occasions that Sam and Dean actually talk about their childhood or their parents that I've noticed is how it reveals really how little Sam knows about his own family. Like in s1 when they have to return to their childhood home after Sam has a vision he asks Dean how much he remembers of the night their mother died. Dean tells him he carried him out the house and Sam is shocked at this development; clearly this was a day that they haven't talked about at all. Despite that night being the foundation of what drove John and Dean to even start their relentless hunt in the first place, it was always this unsaid thing that Sam never understood to the same level as they did.

Later in the episode Dark Side of the Moon in s5 Sam is put in the position of a passive observer to Dean's memory of a moment with their mother. Even in this good memory Mary has an argument with John over the phone and Sam is suddenly struck with the realisation that their life pre-Mary's death wasn't this ideal picket-fence family dynamic he thought it was. John and Mary's relationship was strained and even before the age of four Dean was 'cleaning up' their father's 'messes' (as Sam calls it). To me its such an interesting concept because no wonder Sam felt like the odd one out in the family (and this is not considering the whole demon blood freak thing). He was constantly in the position of hovering on the cusp of understanding this unsaid past, which is the key to understanding Dean and John themselves. No wonder he wasn't inclined to be a hunter; to him Mary was was an absence of a mother, and yet to John and Dean it was at the very core driving them to relentlessly peruse this lifestyle.

And its frustrating because neither John or Dean seem to ever want to acknowledge of even try to understand this position Sam's in. Dean continues to berate him for 'abandoning his family', when really Sam was being suffocated under a lifestyle that had been forced upon him, forever unable to fully understand the all consuming grief that came from Mary's death like John and Dean did. To me this idea seems to culminate in Dark Side of the Moon, which is also an episode where Dean frustrated me the most. Because of course I understand why Sam's memories of running away from home and going to Stanford being considered as good memories would hurt Dean - family is everything to him. But it really shows how Dean just refuses to even try to understand Sam's perspective in this. These aren't good memories to Sam because he abandoned his family, they're good memories because they are the pockets of moments in his life where he has ever felt any agency over himself. Sam tries to explain himself to Dean but no it's about as good as justifying your actions to a wall and this is something that Dean has held over his head since the pilot. And then he's apparently so angry that he throws away the amulet Sam gave him?? My god, like I wasn't already screaming at my screen.

These complexities to their relationship really wouldn't bother me so much if every time these interpersonal issues were brought up they weren't resolved with Sam having to acknowledge that he was the one in the wrong. Like I get Flagstaff obviously dregs up some real bad memories for Dean of their father but come on, Stanford?? Surely after this many episodes we can understand that Sam was just perusing something he wanted to do for once. What's worse is that all Sam really wanted out of it from his family was for Dean and their father to be proud of him. He compares their situation to 'normal families' saying that most families would be overjoyed that their son got a full ride to Stanford. And that's really at the crux of all he ever wanted from them... Anyway sorry this is deeply unstructured I just have some Thoughts occasionally whilst watching Supernatural for the first time in 2023. Currently on the first chunk of s7 and jesus the whole shit with Amy is the other Dean thing that has made me yell at him in frustration but I won't open that can of worms. I swear I do love Dean and his messed up complexities... I just like Sam more and find him to be a more sympathetic character (which I am beginning to think is an unpopular perspective but what do I know; I've been watching this show for like a month).

#supernatural #spn #sam winchester #dean winchester #john winchester

[gretavangroupie]

Vigilance (Chapter 15)

Word count: 27.5k

Pairings: Jake x Reader, Sam x OC, Sam x Reader

Warnings: 18+ as always, drinking, smoking, language, fluff, angst, smut, talk of violence and abusive situations.

This story is a collaboration with my best pal @gretavanmoon.

NOVEMBER 2021

JAKE POV

You sit on the edge of her queen size bed, watching her throw the final items into her suitcase as she tries to decide which coat to bring. 

“Just pick one baby, they’re basically the same.” you say, leaning back onto your hands.

“They aren’t the same, one is a peacoat and one is a puffer! Not even close to the same!” she says laughing. 

“I don’t think it’s going to be that cold…” you reply. 

“Jacob, twenty-five degrees is pretty damn cold…” she says. 

You groan as you flop backwards onto her pillows. You turn your head into the soft fabric, inhaling the scent of her, suffocatingly strong on the pillowcase. You close your eyes as you rest your hands behind your head.

“Bring them both?” you offer.

“Ugh! I don’t have room for both…We have to leave here in like, ten minutes. Are you ready?” she asks, shoving the puffer jacket into the suitcase. 

“Yeah, when you’re done I'll take your bag down to the car.” you say, rolling to your side and sitting up. 

She starts to roll her suitcase out of her room and down the small hallway. You hear her rummaging around through her kitchen drawers looking for something as you stand up and close the blinds in her bedroom, scanning the road out front first. 

“Hey babe?” she calls through the apartment, her voice echoing through the tiny space.

“Mmmhm?” you answer.

“Can you look in my desk and see if you can find a brick thing for my phone charger?” she asks.

“Any particular drawer I should be looking in?” you ask, staring at the desk.

“Uh…check the one on the left side maybe?” she replies.

You slide the drawer out and move around a few papers and miscellaneous objects looking for the shiny white adapter. You pull the drawer out a little further but it catches in the back on a small black box. You stick your hand in to press it down so you can open the drawer further, revealing the item she requested. You move the box to the side and a flash of color catches your eye. A shock runs through you as you push the items around it out of the way to get a better look.

You bite your lips together and slowly nod your head. You send a quick look over your shoulder as you pluck the tiny piece of green plastic from the bottom of the drawer. She still has it. A flutter runs through your chest as you hold it in your fingers again. After all these years…

You think back to the day you taped the pick into the card, so nervous about giving it to her. Wondering if she would even remember it from that night in the garage. Wondering if she would even care. But of course she did. Your heart is pounding in your chest at the sight of it again, then wondering if she remembered it was even in the drawer. Grasping it tightly in your fist you closed the drawer, reaching into your back pocket and pulling your wallet out. 

As you slide the pick back into the same little slot it once sat, the indentation of its outline still rubbed into the worn leather. You weren’t sure why you decided to take it, but you couldn’t just leave it. Left and forgotten like it meant nothing. You carried that pick with you for years. It almost hurt to give it to her even then, not knowing if you’d ever see it again. Not knowing if it meant as much to her as it did to you. It was crazy, the significance a tiny piece of plastic could hold. How something so small and common could still affect you years later. You slid your wallet back into your pocket just as she popped her head around the door frame. 

“Did you find it?” she asks, holding her phone cord. 

You walked over to her, with the charging brick in hand and presented it to her. As she plucked it from your palm, you grabbed her waist and pulled her into you. You placed a kiss on her neck and pulled back from her as she giggled at the tickling feeling of your lips on her skin.

“Jake!” she laughed, tossing her head back further.

Her eyes met yours, sparkling and bright as she rested her hands on your forearms. 

“I never really lost you. Did I?” you ask quietly, eyes peering into hers.

“No.” she admits.

You smile and nod to yourself, before letting out the deep breath you were holding in. “You ready to go?” you ask.

Her fingers untwist your necklace, her soft fingertips gliding across your chest and down towards your hand as she tangles her fingers with yours, “Yeah. Let’s go home.”

—

“What gate are we again?” you ask, flipping through the paper tickets in your hands.

“B8…” she says, showing you the screen of her phone. 

“How do you do that, I need to know how to do that...” you say, folding the tickets and shoving them back into your pocket. “Or maybe I’ll just keep you around.” you wink.

“Oh that’s why you’ll keep me around?” she laughs.

You squeeze her hand in yours quickly before letting it fall back to her side as you step up to your gate. Much to your surprise you see Sam, Elle, Josh and Daniel already sitting there waiting. 

“Oh my god, Elle. You actually did it…” she says, walking up to the group.

“Ye of little faith…I’m scary when I need to be.” she laughs.

You send Sam a questioning look and he shrugs his shoulders, “Y/N put her in charge of getting us here on time.”

“And I did! Early actually!” she exclaims proudly. 

They all swat their hands at her, and you huff a laugh as you sit down across from them. 

You relax into the seat, crossing your legs. You only have about thirty minutes until the flight boards. You are anxious to get back home, for once. Looking back over to the group you put on a devious smirk, “Okay, so what’s the plan?” 

—

The flight was a little long but fairly easy. Y/N was finally starting to get more comfortable flying, and you were thankful for that. After waiting forty-five minutes to pick up your rental car, you were all finally stepping out the double doors into the frigid Michigan air. A stark contrast to the hot and muggy air you left in Nashville. It had been years since you’d been back in the winter, only returning for the first time this past summer while the air was warm. The air was cold and dry in your lungs and the chill of the wind brought a pink glow to everyone’s faces. 

You all piled into the shiny white Tahoe, everyone voting Daniel as driver since he had drank the least on the flight. Sam connected his phone to the bluetooth almost immediately, filling the car with whatever blues ballad he had been fixated on recently, as Daniel pulled out into traffic. 

Y/N gripped your hand tightly, clearly nervous about surprising your parents. You rubbed your thumb over her knuckles feeling every valley and peak along the way. “It will be fine. They are going to be so happy to see you. Don’t even worry about it okay?”

“I just feel bad. We didn’t even tell them. They aren’t expecting two extra people I–” she stammers.

“Baby, my parents cook enough to feed a small village. There’s no reason to feel bad.” you reply. “And what do you think they would do, turn us away?” 

She giggled, and leaned her head on your shoulder as she watched the familiar buildings start to pass by the windows. 

It’s not too much longer until the car is pulling into the driveway, and everyone is feeling a little anxious, ready to surprise your parents. 

“Alright, let's go in first, and come get our shit later.” Josh says, jumping out of the backseat.

Everyone agrees and gets out of the car. You all make your way up to the front porch, the cold air chilling your bones once again. Damn you missed this. 

You and Y/N stand to the side of the front porch, letting the guys all walk in and quietly shut the door behind them. It’s not too long before you hear the booming laughter and the roar of excited exclamations pouring through the wooden door. Y/N looks at you with a genuine smile, and you pull your hand from your pocket lacing your finger with hers. The excitement seems to die down a bit and you can tell that the moment is approaching. 

“Okay love, you ready?” you ask. She looks up at you, her nose pink from the cold. It was something you had completely forgotten about her. Something so small and so endearing. 

“I’m ready if you are.” she says, gripping your hand. 

“Okay, let’s go.” you reply, swallowing deeply as you let your free hand twist the door knob. 

As the two of you step through the threshold and into the warm and familiar space. You walk a little further in, and everyone’s heads snap to look at you as you stand proudly next to Y/N, hands still intertwined. 

You make eye contact with your mom who gasps at the sight of you. “Jacob Thomas!” she yells. “You! You–” she stammers, making her way over to you.

“Surprise…” you reply.

Y/N releases her grip on your hand allowing you to wrap your arms around your mom, who has taken you in a suffocating embrace. After a few seconds she pulls away and turns to Y/N.

“Oh honey! I am so happy to see you! Oh my gosh! I can’t believe my babies are all here. Y/N I just talked to you mom! She said you couldn’t come! Oh you two planned this!” she says in succession, pointing at the two of you.

She hugs your mom and you feel your heart swell seeing your two favorite people so close. Your mom pulls away from her and turns to head back, inviting the both of you in further to join the rest of the crew. 

“Come on, come on!” She swats her hand for you to follow as she frantically walks back to the living room area. “I need to see you all together!” 

“Oh, Karen! Please don’t tell my parents I’m here. I want to surprise them tomorrow!” she says excitedly. 

“My lips are sealed, honey. Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you’re all here. All of you, together! They are going to be so excited!” she smiles back. “Kelly! Look who I found!” 

She smiled as she sat, Sam sitting next to her on the couch. She grabbed his hand to hold in hers as she beamed at all of you. 

As you walk in, your dad stands slowly from his seat, his jaw dropping at the sight of you two. 

“Well now, what is this?! Look who it is!” He brought you in for a tight hug with heavy back pats. 

“Hey, Pops!” You said excitedly. When he released you, you both turned to Y/N as he grabbed her hands, absolutely over the moon to see her again. He hugged her tight, swaying from side to side for just a second. 

“Never thought I’d see the day!” He said as he pulled away from her. It hurt your heart, just a little. 

You and Y/N squeeze into the small love seat near the fireplace, and you instinctively throw your arm over her shoulder, pulling her into your side. 

Your mom watches as it happens with a smug grin on her face as she turns to your dad. 

“So….anything else…new?” she presses.

You roll your eyes and shake your head, as you sigh. “Well, clearly, since the last time you saw us things have changed a little bit.”

“They are in loooove mom.” Sam says playfully.

“Is that right?” your Dad says, a knowing look on his face. 

You shoot him a questioning look and are met with a shrug and a grin. Fucker always knew.

“Alright Kelly. Fine. You win...” your mom says, tossing him a playful smile.

“Wait, you were betting on this?” you ask, shocked. 

“Yeah! Since you were about, I don’t know, what do you think Kelly? Seventeen? Eighteen?” she asks, tapping her finger on her chin.

“Eighteen I think. I always knew. She doubted me.” he replied, pointing to her with his thumb. 

“Oh, very nice. Very nice. She hasn't been here for five minutes and you are already going to scare her away.” you say.

“Oh give them a break Jake, we knew since then too. We were just too stubborn to do anything about it.” she said, elbowing your side. 

You dig your fingers into her side tickling against her ribs, eliciting a shriek of laughter that rings through the small living room. 

“I’m going to go heat up the leftovers from dinner, I’m sure you’re all starving. Samuel I don’t want to hear a word about it, if you don’t like it you can look in the pantry.” she says getting up and walking off with a laugh. 

Sam groaned as he pulled himself up from the couch, doomed to rummage through the pantry until he could make it to a grocery store. Y/N and Josh struck up a conversation with your Dad and you sat in awe as you listened. How many years did you wish for this? Wished to be here, home with your family, and with her doing this exact thing? 

It felt good to be back. Home. This time it truly felt like it, because home was here, sitting next to you right now on this very couch.

—

HER POV

“Danny! Want another?” You yelled from across the room as you waltzed over to the old half-rusted fridge for another round. 

“Yes please!” You grabbed the drinks from the ripped box, and gently tossed them around the room. 

After sorting sleeping arrangements and a round of goodnights from Jake’s parents, the night had turned into a hazy concoction of mindless conversation around an old tattered poker table. The game hadn’t even started yet, and Jake and Sam had already started bickering. 

Josh sat at the corner of the table, an Uncle Sam hat perched on top of his curls, pink-lensed sunglasses sat low on his nose, and a fat cigar bitten between his teeth. He shuffled the cards between his hands with ease. 

“The game’s hold-em, ya see. Minimum bet twice the big blind. All bets are on, no flops on the river. No bluffs no bluffs, ya see.” He spoke between his teeth in his best old New York accent. 

“Josh, are you talking out of your ass?” You asked him, crossing your arms across your chest. 

“When am I ever NOT talking outa my ass, sweethaht?! Doesn’t change the fact that I can play the game. Bets on, bets on!” He said as he struck a match and lit the cigar. 

You glanced at Jake, who was sitting quietly and to himself, laughing and shaking his head at Josh’s display. 

“Can we play something else? There’s like, a million other card games. Or even like, a board game!” Sam whined. 

“Nobody wants to do puzzles, Sam.” Danny retorted. 

“Hey I love puzzles!” He replied. “But I meant like, Monopoly or Clue, so I can whip all your asses.” 

This felt so good. So familiar and so much like the home you always loved that it almost overwhelmed you. Tomorrow you were slated to surprise your parents; you’d made up an intricate lie about not being able to come home for Thanksgiving, and it hurt to lie to them, but the reward of seeing their faces would be all worth it. Especially when they saw you and Jake finally together. 

You watched as Elle rolled her eyes at Sam’s complaining, like always, and then proceeded to beat everyone at poker. 

“You owe me $11 Samuel and I expect it in my hand before sunrise!” She yelled at him. 

He reached in his back pocket, pulling a twenty out of his wallet. He walked over and held it between his two fingers up in the air, way above his head and out of her reach. 

“If you can reach it, you can have it. Jump high, shorty!” She began jumping in the air, reaching high for the bill. Finally she got it in her grasp, quickly folding it and sticking it in her bra. 

“Thanks babe. The extra $9 is a tip for me having to put up with your ass.” She said, taking her seat back at the table. Sam stood dumbfounded. You laughed, Sam truly had no clue how to handle this woman, but you knew that he absolutely loved doing it every day. 

Everyone had become sufficiently intoxicated, dancing around to the loud old rock coming through the speakers. Josh standing on the couch singing way too loud. Jake and Danny still very involved in a card game...You and Elle sitting together on the couch taking silly selfies… just like old times. 

The string of multicolored Christmas lights still hung around the perimeter of the basement. Tons of old photos hung off it, clothespinned and dusty. Old beer mirrors adorned the walls, along with a few concert posters from the 70’s hung framed and forgotten. A giant stand of old 45’s stood in the corner, still often played by Karen. The 80’s model television sat unwatched, and the black and white static fuzz across its screen reminded you of childhood. 

You spotted an old Greta Van Fleet poster hanging on the wall, one you’d never noticed before. You walked up to it, taking its design in. Suddenly you felt a warm and familiar presence at your side. 

“Mom finally got all these framed, I suppose. They’ve been sitting in the attic for years.” Jake had to lean in closely to speak over the music, the smell of his cologne suddenly enveloping your senses. 

You took a step back from the wall, noticing tons of them. Their old show posters all hung together. Colorful, vibrant designs, each one different than the last. Their young faces looking so youthful all over the pages, and their logo changing so much over time. 

“Did you design these?” You asked him, remembering how much he loved to draw back then. 

“A good bit of them, yeah. The earlier ones. I used to hide in my room and draw these massive, intricate designs, but I never showed anybody until it was time to print them. After so long we were able to contract someone else to do them.” He replied, lightly touching his fingers to his old artwork. 

“Why didn’t you ever like to show anyone?” You pressed. 

He took a short breath. “Ah, I don’t know. Embarrassed, I guess. Never thought they were good enough.” He gave you a crooked smile. 

“Well, they’re amazing, Jake. Really. I’m– so sorry I never got to see them hanging up at your gigs…” you trailed off, the guilt of missed memories coming back again. 

“S’okay. They’re here framed for you to see now. I’m glad the pressure is off of me, actually.” He laughed, placing his arm around your shoulder. You could tell his words were slurring. 

“You should design some again!” You perked up. 

He shook his head quickly, sucking his tongue between his teeth. “The people we have making them now are amazing, truly talented artists. We’d rather outsource and showcase others’ art. A million times better than I could ever even think of being. Plus, we have a really cool idea for posters for this next leg of tour…” he said, his eyes traveling all over the wall. 

You laid your head on his shoulder. “Do you miss being creative like this?”

After a few seconds, he nodded. “Yeah, sometimes. Too busy to think about it now.”

“Well. Maybe one day we’ll set you up a little studio at home and you can do it whenever you like.” The words slipped from your mouth more quickly than you could think of them. You were damning yourself for your indulgence tonight. 

He pulled away and met your eyes, a huge grin forming on his face. “…Home?” 

Shit. You bit back your words. 

“Yeah... I– your house. You know? At your home.” You stammered. 

He said nothing, only looked at you like you were the only thing in the room. He took your chin in between his fingers, bringing his whiskey-soaked lips to yours, and pulling away slightly. 

“Home.”

——

The giant, oversized couch had become a second bed for you back in your high school days, passing out and waking up on it more times than you could count. And it looked as though tonight was going to be no different. 

Danny had already succumbed to his liquor, passed out with one foot on the floor and the other draped across the arm of the recliner, with his shoes still on. Elle had gone and gotten a giant blanket and tucked him in like a cocoon, only his eyes and his fluffy curls poked through. 

“Let’s get your shoes off, Danny boy…” she said, untying his shoestrings. Always the caretaker. Jake and Josh had sleepily gotten into songwriting, Jake’s acoustic draped across his lap while Josh dabbled away in his notebook. You knew it wouldn’t be much longer for the both of them, their eyes both blinking heavily while they strummed and hummed. 

“I’m going upstairs to bed. I’ll see you guys in the morning! Your mom wants us up early to start cooking, I’ll set an alarm.” Elle said, coming over to kiss Sam on the top of his head. 

“Night babe...love you.” Sam said. 

She turned as she ascended the stairs, waving sleepily. “Love you too, baby.” 

When she was out of sight, you turned and punched Sam hard in the arm, your mouth ajar. 

“Ow, fuck!! What the hell Y/N?!” He yelped. 

“Love?! LOVE? Since when, Samuel?!” You tried to whisper. You felt overjoyed. Your best friends telling each other ‘I love you’. 

His cheeks grew pink as he grinned from ear to ear. “Ahhh, at the observatory, a few weeks ago. Was…romantic... I guess?” 

“You guess?” You exclaimed. “What do you mean you guess?”

“I don’t...really wanna give any more details.” He winked at you, laughing and putting his head in his hands. 

“Okay, fine.” You said. “I’ll get the details out of her later.” 

His eyes grew wide. “Eh, suit yourself, if you wanna have that conversation with her.” 

You left it at that, wondering what exactly he meant. He tapped your arm, pointing over to the twins. Passed out side by side, Jake with his head on Josh’s shoulder, his guitar still on his lap. 

“How many times have we seen them like that?” He asked. 

“Too many to count. Look how cute they are. They don’t get to spend much time together like this anymore, I guess.” You said, taking in the scene. You and Sam tucked them in just like Elle did Danny, moving the guitar and covering them up with a thick blanket. 

“Go get your camera, Sam.”

He returned after a minute with his film camera hanging from his neck. You made sure the blanket was tucked around their identical but different faces, and Sam snapped the photo. You met eyes, and tried hard not to giggle too loudly. 

“Hey.” He said, grabbing your attention. “Look what I got.” He held out his hand, showing you a perfectly rolled joint. He moved his eyebrows up and down, and silently motioned his head for you to follow him upstairs. You looked back to Jake, and bent down and laid the tiniest peck to his nose before you snuck away up the steps. 

The night was very cold, but thankfully the wind died down. You grabbed your jacket that was hanging by the door and bundled yourself up. You sat down on the old wicker furniture next to Sam, the same spot that you and Jake shared so many special moments together. He lit the joint, taking the first hit. 

“Have you and Elle…talked?” He asked, passing the joint to you with his exhale. 

“Yeah! We talk all the time…” you paused. “Oh wait you mean…” you stuttered. 

He smiled. “Yeah. That’s what I mean.”

“Uh, no actually. We haven’t. I guess I haven’t really...found the right time.” You hit the joint, letting the smoke fill your lungs to their capacity without choking yourself. You needed it if you were going to have this conversation. 

Sam didn’t say anything, just stared off into the trees. 

“She acts like she’s okay with it though...she’s never showed me any type of strange reaction or attitude or anything. Things feel okay. Why? Has she...said she wanted to talk to me about it?” 

Sam slowly shook his head. “No, she hasn’t. That’s the weird thing. I mean, I know it’s just the kind of person she is. She’s so…mature.” He took the joint back from you, meeting your eyes. 

“But, if it were you, wouldn’t you feel like… a little bit weird? I mean, for her to have never felt like she needs to have the conversation with you…” he trailed off. You could tell where he was coming from. He wanted affirmation. He wanted you and Elle to be truly okay. 

You inhaled, feeling the marijuana hitting you in the face, bringing confusion and clarity all at once. 

“I’ll talk to her. Soon. Gauge her thoughts...make sure she is truly alright with us all being so close. Promise.” You said, winning a sweet nod from Sam. 

“Thanks, Y/N.” 

Your mind began racing. You thought things were normal with Elle, she had never once shown you strange behavior after she found out about you and Sam. You began to wonder if she knew the extent of your relationship...and how long things lasted. Your heart began to race thinking back on all the times with him, all the laughs, the closeness, the fun…all the while you were hurting the hell out of Jake, and you didn’t even realize it. Why did doing something so wrong feel so good at the time? You couldn’t even fathom hurting him like that again. 

“Let’s go inside, I’m freezing.” Sam said, grabbing his lighter from the table and sliding the glass door open. You felt the warmth of the dying fire still heating the room, and you breathed in the smell of the woodsmoke. You still didn’t feel tired. You plopped down on the old leather couch, bringing a blanket with you, and curled up in the corner. 

“You want another drink?” Sam asked, already heading to the kitchen. 

“Ah, sure. What’s one more?” You whispered loudly. 

He returned with two glasses in hand. You took a large swig, the thought that Elle might be holding resentment toward you still swirling in your brain. You stared into the fire, letting your mind take you to too many negative places, while unrelenting memories of your time with Sam were popping in and out of your head. The guilt was suddenly eating you alive again. 

You glanced over to Sam, finding him already looking at you. “What?” You asked him, smiling. 

“You’re thinking about something, aren’t you?” He responded. 

You paused and looked down into your drink. “Maybe.”

“Spill it, babe. Tell me all your wildest secrets.” He said animatedly, pulling his legs up underneath him. 

You laughed. “You already know them all, dummy.”

He swallowed some of his drink, wincing when he realized he may have made it a little too strong. 

“Yeah, I might. But it’s been a while since we really talked. Nothing new has come about?” He asked. 

“No, not really. Just, now I’m nervous that Elle might resent me.” You admitted cautiously. 

“Oh nonono, I didn’t mean to make you feel that way, Y/N. That’s not what I meant. I just…thought it was strange seeing as how close you two are. I just want everything to be A-OK, you know? It’s not up to me, it’s between you guys, but don’t feel pressured to talk to her. Please. If you feel okay, then she probably does too.” He rambled, sitting up and grabbing your hand with his, squeezing it when he realized he made you feel uneasy. 

The fire suddenly crackled behind him, reigniting itself like wind had blown right through it. Big and bright orange flames illuminated the space, making him look like a silhouette before your bleary eyes. 

You squeezed his hand back. “Thanks Sammy. Everything will be just fine. Don’t worry. I’ll talk to her soon.” 

He sat back on the couch again, the anxious feeling in the room subsiding. He pulled half of the blanket up over himself while you continued talking into the night, telling funny tour stories, talking about the new music and upcoming trips...all the things you didn’t get to talk about much anymore one-on-one. You had missed him, missed your best friend. The one who you could talk so freely to and never be judged for any of your weird thoughts. You realized you’d spent nearly every day together for the past few months, but things were so very different now. 

What you didn’t realize, though, was that Sam had never let go of your hand. 

—

JAKE POV

The snoring. God the snoring. You really were home. Your eyes popped open and you found yourself laying on Josh’s side, his freight train snoring waking everyone in a five mile radius you’re positive. 

You push the blanket off of yourself, looking next to you to take a peek at Y/N, only to find she isn't there. You sit up, and glance around the room, but all you find is Daniel passed out on the recliner. Where is she?

As you stand up from the couch you toss the blanket back on to Josh, and turn off the TV. You make your way up the stairs, thinking she must be curled up in your bed upstairs. The thought alone makes your chest grow warm, but as you reach the top of the steps you notice a light snore coming from the couch. 

As you round the corner you are taken aback. You see Sam and Y/N curled up together on the couch, fast asleep. 

You feel a flash of warmth come over your face, a feeling of either jealousy or even possessiveness? Maybe even nerves? You aren’t completely sure. You know that Y/N or even Sam for that matter would never do anything like that, but still you find yourself walking over to the two of them a little quicker than intended. 

Her head is resting on his shoulder, and his hand is laying across her thigh. Rubbing your hand over your face you grab his hand and gently move it from her thigh, careful not to wake him. You rub your thumb over her cheek, knowing it will rouse her awake, and sure enough her eyes flutter open slowly. 

“Hey baby…” you whisper. 

She pushes off Sam carefully, and looks around the room, shocked at the position she found herself in. Her eyes squint at the clock on the wall trying to make out the time. 

“It’s late, well, early really. Come on, let’s go get in bed. We only have a few more hours until we need to get up.” you say, offering her your hand. 

She places her hand in yours as you pull her up from the couch, and into your side to walk up the stairs. 

As you open the door to your bedroom, she walks in and kicks off her jeans, letting them fall to the floor. She pulls her shirt over her head and grabs a t-shirt from her suitcase as her bra hits the floor. She pulls the shirt on and slides into your bed in such a fluid motion, like she has done it a hundred times. 

As you undress yourself you think about seeing her with Sam, and ask yourself why you even thought for a second she would do that to you. Of course she wouldn’t. You slide into the bed next to her, wrapping her in your arms, and pulling her close. You lay a soft kiss on her neck as she positions herself onto her pillow. 

“I love you.” you breathe into her hair.

“I love you too. I’m glad we came.” she whispers, drifting back off into sleep as you hold her tight.

—

SAM POV

“Saaaaaammmyyy…” a soft voice echoes through your brain.

Your eyelids felt heavy, like they wouldn’t open on their own. 

“Saaammmm…. Time to wake up, love...” her voice sweet like honey. 

Finally they cracked open, blurry and hazy, to find Elle’s beautiful face lying right next to yours. 

“Good morning sunshine.” She said softly once she realized you were awake. You rolled to your back, feeling slightly confused at what you saw for just a second. Small bed, blue walls, dark curtains. Ah. Home. You rolled back over to smile at Elle, taking her face in your hands as she rolled herself on top of you. 

“Babe, my parents…” you choked out in your morning voice. 

“I locked the door. Don’t worry.” She said, laying her lips softly into yours. 

“If it was 10 years ago, I would have gotten grounded for locking my door. Guess it is cool being a grown-up…” You pulled her face closer, feeling all her weight shift to balance completely below your waist. She ground into you, feeling you already slightly hard below her. She kissed you hard, and you reciprocated. The very early morning light was sneaking its way through the cracks in your curtains, making you realize that you’d only gone to bed a few hours ago. 

Wait. Bed? 

No…you never came to bed…

You fell asleep with…

Suddenly, you shot up, pushing Elle away and looking around. 

“Whoa, what’s wrong baby?” She said, startled. 

“How did...how did I get here?” You asked. 

“Uhhh…what do you mean? We got here yesterday. Are you still asleep, Sam? We’re at your parents house..” Elle said, utterly confused at your display. 

“No I know. I thought I…fell asleep on the couch. I don’t remember coming in here.” You wiped your face hard. “I guess I came in here while I was still out of it. I’m sorry babe, I’m just...out of sorts...” 

Your mind began replaying everything from last night, you and Y/N smoking outside, talking by the fire, holding her hand and…touching her thigh? God, what were you thinking? You remember her drifting off with her head on your shoulder, you were so sleepy and so high…you didn’t even remember passing out.

“It’s okay, hun. Just, go take a shower or something. Wake yourself up. I’m going to go down and help in the kitchen.” Elle responded, kissing you on the cheek. “I didn’t mean to get you worked up.”

“No, I’m sorry Elle. I– just had too much to drink last night, that’s all. I’ll go get in the shower. I’ll see you down there in a minute.” You stammered out, pressing a quick kiss to her lips. 

You stepped into the steaming hot shower of your childhood home. It felt so small, now. Or you felt big, you didn’t know. You tried to shake off the thoughts of the past 6 hours. No big deal, right? Nothing out of the ordinary. Best friends catching up. Having good conversation again. Enjoying the fire and being home again. The holiday made you feel nostalgic. That was it. 

You’d tried to talk yourself out of any type of guilty feeling for the entirety of your shower, but it still nagged. Nothing happened. 

Was Y/N still on the couch? 

You stepped out and dried off, retreating back to your room for clean clothes. You combed through your wet hair, and tried to wipe the look of alcohol from your eyes. 

You looked in the mirror. Time to face whatever weirdness awaited you downstairs. Hopefully no one saw you on the couch. And if they did, who cares? Nothing happened. 

You needed coffee. 

HER POV

“Happy Thanksgiving!” Karen and Kelly sang out as you stepped off the staircase. You met them both with giant hugs and the biggest smiles. They were both beaming, so happy to see you in their house again. Have all their babies home and in one place. 

“Thanks for getting up early with us. There’s coffee started, and the turkey has already been in for a few hours.” Karen said, throwing her towel over her shoulder. 

“It’s no problem at all! Happy to help. Wait, you said the turkey’s already been in for a few hours?” You asked. 

“Yes! Kelly got up in the wee hours of the morning and went ahead and slipped it in the oven so we weren’t waiting on it all day.” Karen replied. 

Shit, a few hours ago? That must mean he would have seen you and Sam–

You glanced over at him from the corners of your eyes, feeling the pit of your stomach fall to the floor. He met your glance with a smug grin. “Coffee, honey?” 

Damnit. He did see. 

Should you feel awkward that your boyfriend’s dad caught you asleep on the couch with his other son? Maybe, a little. But Kelly knew how you were. He understood you and Sam’s relationship, minus the well, the more recent part, you hoped. You used to fall asleep on the couch as kids all the time. It was a long night. Nothing more, nothing less. 

“Yes please, thank you.” You said, snapping out of your train of thought. 

Everyone else began trickling into the kitchen one by one, Elle first, then Sam, then Danny. You knew Jake and Josh would probably sleep the morning away. Jake had become an early riser, but you had an inkling being back home like this might relax him a little bit more than usual. 

Elle greeted you, surprisingly, with a giant hug from behind as you poured creamer into your coffee. 

“Hey boo, got another mug for me?” She asked, unbothered and sleepy. Your eyes darted to Sam, who wore the same amount of shock on his face as you did. He shook his head so quickly you almost didn’t see it. 

“Yes, love. And it’s brewed strong, just like you like!” You answered her, pulling a mug from the shelf. 

“Perfect. Delicious.” She said, blowing on the hot liquid as she walked over to inspect her job for the morning. 

“I’m heading home to change, we’ll see you guys around 3?” Danny asked, grabbing his coat to head out the door. 

“Yes, honey!” Karen walked over to kiss his cheek goodbye. “Don’t forget to tell your mom the only thing she needs to bring is butter and wine. She knows what kind I like.” 

“Got it.” He smiled back. “See you all in a bit.” and with that he slipped out the door.

—

The morning cooking went on normally, you and Sam only sharing a few awkward interactions. Both of you tried to play it off each time, being overly apologetic and uncharacteristically nice. Why were you both acting like this? 

Jake and Josh finally arose a couple hours later, each of them dragging themselves into the kitchen.

Jake came over immediately, taking your waist in his arms, not caring who saw. It felt so nice to not have to hide here. “Why did you let me sleep in so late? You know I don’t do that anymore…” he growled in your ear. God, his morning voice was enough to make you weak in the knees. 

You smiled as you continued to open multiple cans of green beans. “Oh I just figured you could use a little extra sleep, didn’t want to disturb you. You looked so comfortable when I slipped out this morning.” 

“Hmm yeah, I was pretty comfortable. But not nearly as comfortable as you and Sam looked on the couch last night.” He said only loud enough for you to hear. 

You nearly dropped the can opener as you turned to look at him, popping walnuts into his mouth and winking at you as he walked away. 

What the fuck… 

——

Shit. Shit. Shit. Was he mad? He didn’t seem mad. There was nothing to be mad about. You just…fell asleep with Sam on the couch. By yourselves. Cuddling? Fuck. You didn’t know, you couldn’t even remember falling asleep. You barely even remember making it up to Jake’s room last night. Damnit.

You continued on with doing the little tasks that Karen gave you, mixing this, timing that. All the while your mind was racing. Why did you feel so...guilty? About something that was purely innocent…you would have to talk to everyone later, and get this resolved. 

You took a break to step outside for some air, finding Sam on the porch smoking a cigarette. 

“Hey, sorry. Just got a little hot in the kitchen.” You said. 

“All good. Uh, how’s it going in there? Need any help?” He asked, blowing out smoke. 

“No, actually almost done. Should be ready right on time.” You answered, watching his body language change. 

It was quiet for a beat, neither of you knowing exactly what to say. You cleared your throat to speak, but nothing came to mind. 

“I’m sorry I uh… I’m sorry we fell asleep like that last night. I didn’t mean to– I hope it didn’t cause any arguments or–” he stammered on, not quite knowing how to approach it. 

“Sam, it’s fine. No need to apologize. We just…did what we always used to do. Nothing...happened. Neither of us need to feel guilty about it.” You said, speaking it into the universe, while feeling an underlying horrible pang of guilt. “Jake did come upstairs in the middle of the night and find us, though.” 

His eyes grew ten sizes. “What? What did he say?”

“Last night? Not much. We just went to bed. But just now, he said we ‘looked comfortable on the couch last night’. But, he seemed fine. He didn’t act upset or anything. So, nothing to worry about I don’t think.”

“Right, yeah. Nothing at all to worry about.” He brushed his hand through his hair, an action that you learned over the years, he does when he’s anxious. 

“Apparently um, your dad might have seen too.” You said quietly. 

“Fuck, are you serious? That’s just great…” he said, putting his cigarette out in the small glass tray. 

He met your eyes, and came over closer, resting his hand on top of yours. He felt warm, sweet and familiar. He squeezed your hand again like he had last night, looking at you with his puppy dog eyes that you used to be a sucker for. “It was nice talking again, though. I really missed that.” And with one more squeeze, he went back inside. 

——

About an hour later, you found yourself alone in the kitchen with Karen. She was putting the finishing touches on her famous Granny Smith apple pie, and was going on and on about how good it felt having everyone home and a full house. 

“This house was never meant to be quiet, ya know? It’s always been filled with so much life and so much noise and sound. You remember.” She went on as you sat and sipped some sparkling grape juice. 

“Of course I remember.” You smiled at her. 

“And for the past few holidays, it’s been…well... kind of incomplete…” she said as she put the pie into the oven, counting on her fingers and setting the timer. You suddenly felt bad. Really, horribly bad. 

She walked over towards the island and leaned against the counter across from you, looking down at her fingers as she spoke. “He never wanted to come home. And I know you never knew that, honey. All those years you came hoping he would be here... I could tell you were upset. Every single year. The first year was the hardest. I remember you going up to his bedroom…I knew you needed that. That you just wanted to feel close to him. I held out hope every year that he would just show up...Not even for his dad and I, but for you.”

You felt the threat of tears stinging your eyes. 

“He always called, though, of course. Always told me he had something going on at the time but wished he could be here…In my heart I think I knew. Josh told me the truth though. Honey, I’m so so sorry...” she said. 

You’re not a crier. You’re not a crier. 

“You’re sorry? I’m sorry, Karen. God, I can’t even explain it to you…I truly had no clue he wasn’t coming home because it hurt him too bad to be here. I feel awful, all those times he missed out on spending time with you guys…just because of m–” a sob threatened your chest, but you chased it down. 

She walked over and took you in a warm embrace. Nothing like a mother’s hug. She let you relax into her, rubbing swift circles up and down your back. You wanted to smack Jake for missing out on time with his family because you were there. But you came anyway, taking up space in a home he inhabited first. Now, looking back, you felt intrusive. Barging into your old love’s home, enjoying his favorite surroundings while he sat alone in a cold apartment. What did he do on holidays by himself? Did he eat alone? His brothers were all here... 

You couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. You felt horrible. But, you had no idea. You thought you were family back then, your parents and his, and the Wagners...you wanted to be there. Even if it was painful for you, too. 

“It’s okay, sweetie. You’re here now. He’s here now! You’re both here together...I’m so excited for you, Kelly and I both. We’re over the moon for you two. And you working for them without even knowing it? What are the odds, honey? It’s like fate.” You let a singular tear fall down your cheek, letting it drip onto the floor behind her. “You’ve always been my favorite of his, anyway.” 

——

After Josh caught you and Karen in a teary embrace, and decided to join in even though he didn’t know what you were crying about, you felt a warmth in your heart that you truly needed right now. Reassuring words and a long hug from your second mom, and Josh bringing his loving energy to console the two of you, even if he didn’t know the reason. Family. 

Speaking of family… you jumped back from their arms, glancing at the clock. “Oh my gosh! My parents will be here soon, too!” you said, wiping your eyes. 

“Ohhh, yes they will! And they really don’t know you’re here?” Karen said, using her towel to dab her eyes. 

“No,” you responded. “And they don’t know about…” you trailed off, your face turning red. 

“Oh my god! You guys both didn’t tell your own parents?!” Josh yelled, his arms flailing around in the air. 

Sam, Danny, Elle, and Kelly made their way in too, joining in on the chaos. 

Jake slid in, and wrapped his arm around your torso. “What’s going on? Why are we yelling?” He looked at you, wiping stray hairs from your face. “Have you been crying, love?” 

“My parents should be here any minute…we get to tell them too!” You said, your eyes still lined with the remnants of tears. 

Jake’s face suddenly went flush, and he swallowed hard. “Shit, baby, I haven’t seen your parents since I was like, 21. I haven’t...even talked to your dad...” he trailed off; you could tell he hadn’t thought about this part of your relationship yet. 

You placed your hand on his chest, trying your best to center him. “It’s fine, no need to be anxious, my dad is the most laid back guy you’ll ever meet. They loved you the first time, and since we were kids. Don’t worry. He will be so happy. And so will Mom.” 

Just then, there was a knock at the door. Karen looked to all of you as she made her way to the door. Jake huffed a cleansing breath, preparing himself. 

You mom slid in first, carrying a baking dish of some sort, her features happy and pink from the cold air. “Ahh! Happy Thanksgiving! So wonderful to see you!” Karen took the dish and brought her in for a hug, the two of them embracing like the old friends that they were. Your dad filed in behind, his handsome and slightly aging face making your heart fill. 

The rest of the guys crowded around them, hugging and shaking hands, hiding you from their immediate view. You felt a pang of nervousness in your gut, from what you weren’t sure, but you were suddenly so, so excited to feel their protective arms around you again. 

Jake had stepped around to the other side of the table, wanting to fall back from being the center of attention. After about a minute of their hellos, they all stepped aside, revealing you to them. You stood up quickly, while your mom and dad both stood in pure shock at seeing your face. Your mom’s hands shot up to cover her mouth, while your dad’s jaw dropped to the floor. 

“Oh my god, my baby girl!” You ran straight to them, letting them lift you into their already tear-filled hugs. “Honey! You didn’t tell us, you’re so sneaky! We missed you so badly! What a perfect surprise!” They gushed on and on, your dad taking your face in his hands to look you over. “Sweetheart, we didn’t think we were going to get to see you. So happy you’re here!” 

“Surpriiiise!” You laughed. “We wanted it to be a secret until you got here! Now I’m so glad we pulled it off.” 

Everyone laughed and talked a little more informally as your parents hung their coats and hats on the tree by the door. 

“Mom, Dad...I have another surprise. I...kind of brought someone home with me...” you said shyly as everyone made their way further inside. 

“What, like a new boyfriend?” Your dad asked. 

“Well, not necessarily new…” you said.

Jake was already making his way toward you, placing his arm around your waist and stretching his arm out to shake your dad’s hand. 

“You’re kidding me...Jacob?!” Your mom pounced forward, wrapping both of her arms around his neck as his hand met your Dad’s. She nearly knocked him backwards. He laughed his sweet chuckle, and hugged her back. She pulled away, leaving her arms on his shoulders to take him in. 

“My goodness, it’s been years, honey! Look at you...I thought we’d never see you join us for a holiday again! My gosh, look at your hair! It’s so long!  Aren’t you just a handsome thing!” She brushed his shoulders and cupped his face, just like she would if he was her own child. You could feel the relief radiating from him. 

“Well, I had some convincing this year...” Jake responded, pulling you in again. 

Your mom covered her face again, the tears returning as she looked to your dad, who was beaming all the same. She pushed yours and Jake’s shoulders together, taking a good look at you standing side by side. “You kids finally found each other, huh? It’s about time...” 

Karen had popped the cork on a few bottles of wine, and everyone had gathered in the kitchen and common area, talking and reminiscing. 

“Karen, all of our kiddos home again, in one place. Did you ever think you’d see it?” Your mom said, sipping her glass of red. 

“They surprised me, too. All of them are so grown up and have their lives together. I’m so proud of them. All of them.” They both looked to you, giving you a warm feeling that you’d not felt in many years. Like everything was finally just the way it should be. 

JAKE POV

You stand back and watch her, wine in hand as she talks and laughs with her mom and Elle near the stairs. You lean against the couch, completely ignoring Josh and Sam talking your ear off at the current moment. It feels so surreal to be here after years of choosing to be absent. As you stood here, watching your family, watching your love, something clicked and you realized you’d never miss another. Never again. 

You were in this exact spot, the first time you really saw her. Huddled on the floor with Sam working on some project, her tongue between her lips as she concentrated on the book between the two of them. You remember not being able to take your eyes off of her, and even now all these years later, that was still true. Her eyes caught yours as she listened to Elle talk, and you nodded your head, silently asking her to follow you. You watched as she excused herself from her conversation and began to walk towards you. 

You walked towards the back door, grabbing your coat as you slipped out. A minute or two later you see her stepping out, coat in hand as she reaches you on the porch. You grab her coat from her, holding it up to help her slip into it one arm at a time. She spins to face you as you pull the zipper up, placing your hands on the collar and rubbing your hands down her arms until your fingers meet hers. 

“Wanna step back in time for a minute?” you ask, pulling her towards the garage.

A smile crosses her lips as she nods.

You walk to the tiny gravel path to the garage, twisting the handle to let the two of you inside.

You pull the string on the old fluorescent light, hearing it hum as it comes to life. You take a look around seeing it just how you left it. Not a single item out of place. Your crappy old amps still plugged into the wall, and the guitar stand sitting empty.  Boxes litter the space, full of items from your childhood, long forgotten. 

You walk over to the drum kit, and run your finger over the high-hat, a thick layer of dust collecting on your fingertip before making your way over to the old red couch.

“I was…right here.” she says, throwing herself into the couch. “...wait…was I? Or was I here?” she asks, switching seats. 

You place her back in her original position, and take a seat next to her. “You were there.” you smile, relaxing your head into the cushion.

“Feels like a long time ago.” she whispers meekly.

“A lifetime, really. I think that night, I kind of knew I was going to fall in love with you.” you say, staring off into the wooden beams of the ceiling.

“I think I did too. I fell asleep that night dreaming about you.” she says shyly.

“Do you remember what you said that night?” you ask.

“Which thing? I said a lot, I was so nervous.” she laughs.

“You said, you couldn’t wait to see us headlining in arenas someday.” you smiled. 

“Well I guess that came true, didn’t it?” she said, turning her head to face you. 

“Well, almost. This next leg of tour will be more like a true arena tour. You’ll see. It’s different from when we play festivals and amphitheaters.” you say. 

“I will try to come to as many shows as I can. I don’t know where my next contract will have me. I don’t even know who I will be working with yet.” she replies.

What?

You feel your heart sink in your chest, “What do you mean?” you ask.

“Well…babe… My contract ended with you guys after LA…I will be assigned to a new client any day now…” she answers.

Your brow furrows as you realize what she is saying. “So you won't be working with us anymore.” you say.

“No babe, and I don’t know where I will even be. For all I know I am going to Europe or something. But it will be okay, I will come see you every chance I get. We will make it work, right?” she says, a look of desperation in her eyes. 

You rub your thumb over her face, in an attempt to soothe her anxiety, “Of course we will. I don’t want anyone else, ever. I waited years for you, I can wait a few months.”

She nods her head in agreement.

“Although, who is going to fix my outfits?” you ask, playfully.

“The ones you would mess up on purpose?” she laughs.

“Exactly.” You say, twisting a piece of her hair between your fingers. “I just needed you to touch me so bad, it was the only way.”

“I probably would have found something wrong even if there wasn’t. Just so that I could touch you.” she smiles.

“I love you so much. You know that right?” you ask her. 

“I know you do and I love you the same.” she pauses,  “Get up. Go stand over there, like you did that night. Let me take a picture.” she says. 

You haul yourself up from the sunken in cushions, and find the worn in spot on the rug, where you used to practice for hours on end, standing there and letting your mind take you back.

“Turn a little towards me.” she says, before snapping the picture on her phone. 

“Perfect.” she says, smiling at her phone. 

“C’mere…” you say, waving her over. 

She stands up, walking over to meet you. You pull her back to your chest as you whisper into her ear, “Remember I showed you how to hold the guitar?” you ask, positioning her hands in the air around the invisible instrument. 

“Yeah, just like that.” You growl into her ear. 

“Do you know how hard it was for me not to kiss you that night? Pressed up against you, just like this.” you ask, watching her squirm under your hands as she pressed back into you. 

“Sam wanted you. I knew that. But I wanted you too. So I did what he couldn’t. Got you to come to me. Got to feel you. Touch you. Smell you. That’s all it took. I knew I would never stop chasing you. And I’d never let you go once I got you. Took everything in me to let you go that night.” you said, quickly spinning her around to face you. 

“But now…I never have to.” you say, taking her chin between your fingers. Her eyes flick between your lips and your eyes, trying to decide what she wants more.

“Listen to me. I don’t care if you are halfway around the world…” you say, placing her hand on your chest, “...This heart beats for you. It always has. A little distance isn’t going to change that.”

She brings her lips to yours, connecting the two of you in a moment fated for years. You slide your hands around her waist, pulling her closer to you as your lips tangle with hers before she gently pulls away. 

“I love you too Jake. You know I’ll always come home to you.” she says, twisting her fingers with yours. “Now, let’s go in before they come looking for us.” she smiles pulling the two of you towards the door.

—

You all stood around the kitchen island, patiently waiting as the ladies made their plates of food and sauntered off into the dining room. Your stomach was growling seeing all of your favorite things spread out across the countertops. How many years did you sit alone in your apartment wishing you had gone home to have some of your moms cooking? You thought about it every year, telling yourself ‘maybe next year’. Maybe next year it won't hurt so bad. Maybe next year things will be different. But last year as the thought entered your mind, you would have never thought it would actually be true. 

Now here you were, taking a heaping spoonful of green bean casserole that you watched being prepared this morning by the two hands you loved most in the world. Josh made small talk with you as you made your way down the line, filling your plate until it couldn’t hold any more. You had lost time to make up for, after all. Stepping into the dining room your eyes met hers, sparkling in the candle light scattered throughout the table. 

She tilted her head to the chair next to her, the one that has always been yours, but sat empty for years. You joined her, placing your plate next to hers and your napkin on your lap. 

“God, I hope the speeches are short this year. I….don’t know if I can wait much longer.” you laughed. 

“Missed your moms cooking?” she asks.

“You could say that.” you smile, watching your dad take his seat at the head of the table. 

“Alright, I’m going to keep this short and sweet. I am so happy we are all here all together again. Some of us in more ways than one. It’s nice to see the chairs filled, and even add a few more. ” he says looking to you, and to Sam. 

“I am thankful that you boys get to do what you love everyday, but more importantly, that you get to do it and share it with the people you love and people that love you. That’s what makes life worth living. Anyways, more later, let's eat.” he smiles, lifting his wine glass. 

A round of cheers goes around as everyone begins to dig into their plates. You take special care to pace yourself, not eating too quickly despite how delicious everything is. Lots of laughter is shared around the table as Josh tells jokes, Danny shares stories, and your parents reminisce on the old days together. 

Y/N’s hand slides its way onto your leg as she sips her wine, listening in on the story Sam is telling. 

Your stomach is so full you’re positive you couldn’t move if you tried. You can tell everyone is beginning the early stages of a food coma as the table begins to grow quiet. Your mom clears her throat as she begins to talk.

“You know, I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it but, I just can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am that you’re here Jake. It’s the first time in years I haven’t had to wonder where you were, and if you were alone. We always kept the table set just in case. We always hoped you’d come.” she says, and you feel your heart sink. You knew it hurt her every time you told her you weren’t coming. 

You look over at Y/N as she nods her head in reassurance. 

“I was just telling your dad the other day that maybe this year would be the year, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up. But then, you walked in. Together. It was like…my little prayer had been answered. And to see you happy, and smiling and… in love… I think this year we are all just really thankful that…you’re at the table. That you’re here. The both of you. The way it was always meant to be.” she says, smiling at you with a heartfelt smile. 

“Thanks mom. I am happy–we are happy. We were just talking about how good it felt to be home, together. We…don’t want it any other way, ever again. I don’t think you’ll have to miss us around the holidays anymore. Where she goes, I’ll go.” you reply as she leans into your shoulder. 

You see her eyes grow misty as she excuses herself from the table, “Well. Pie? Anyone want some pie? I’m gonna go get that…” she says, busying herself with a task to keep from crying. 

Everyone chimes in and Y/N pushes her chair out, removing her hand from yours, “I’m gonna go help her with the pie.” she smiles. 

“Hey…” you say, twisting your fingers with hers. She turns around, eyes still sparkling with the glossiness of her own fought off tears. 

“Yeah?” she breathes. 

You want to tell her you love her. You want to tell her that this is the life you want with her. A table full of your family. Your own kids. The house, the dog, all of it. But instead you just smile back at her, “Nothing…Sorry, go ahead.”

She blinks a few times as she stares at you, a sly grin on her lips. She’s trying to read your mind, and you wished she could, but you know deep in your heart, that she already knows what you’re thinking, because that’s exactly what she’s thinking too.

——

HER POV

The night was turning out to be a repeat of the night before, except tonight everyone had gathered outside the basement back door to share a few bowl packs.

Danny had brought his favorite trusty bowl “Roxanne”, as he named her, back with him from his parents house. 

“God, I haven’t seen that thing in years. I think that was the only bowl we had for a few years, wasn’t it?” Sam said, his breath floating into the cold night air as you all huddled around each other. 

“Yeah it was. I dug it out of that box in my closet at my mom’s earlier, I had to stop and think about where I used to hide it. And what do ya know? Right where I left her.” He replied. “And if I’m not mistaken… Jake, shine your phone light over here.” 

He reached behind an old flower planter on the windowsill, removing a small piece of broken brick from the corner. “Ah-ha! Still right where I left it!” He pulled out a flattened paperclip and a piece of screen he had hidden there so many years ago. 

“Holy shit, no way. I forgot we hid that there! Ha ha ha!” Sam laughed hard, shoving his hands in his pockets. 

“Why didn’t you guys just come ask to hide this stuff in our rooms?” Jake said. 

“It was more fun being sneaky, Jake.” Danny replied, motioning for him to bring his light over closer so he could pack Roxanne to perfection. 

Everybody had become fairly drunk and stoned, and all still full and sleepy from dinner. It was an earlier night, and you were thankful for it. For some reason, you felt exhausted. You sipped on a mimosa, which garnered strange looks from just about everyone. 

“Y/N, why the fuck are you drinking a mimosa right now? It’s nine o’clock at night.” Josh yelled over the loud music. 

You shrugged, raising your eyebrows to him. “I’m still full, and this is light. Plus, champagne drunk is one of the best drunks there is, duh.”

“I actually can’t argue with any of that.” He rolled his eyes in thought. “Where is the champagne?”

You laughed and pointed upstairs, and watched him dart straight up, skipping a step as he went. Josh was already just as intoxicated as he was last night, and it was showing in his energy. 

Danny was scrolling on his phone, with the most unamused look on his face. You hadn’t even thought about his situation with Heidi being on the fritz during the holidays. 

“Danny…” you got his attention, his eyes perking up. 

“You ok?” You mouthed, concern on your face. 

He shook his hand side to side. “Eh, ya know.”

“Heidi again?” You asked. 

“Yeah.” He scooted his way over to you. “She was supposed to come home with me for Thanksgiving. But she just, didn’t. Of course. I should have known she would bail.” He looked down, disappointment written all over him. 

“I’m sorry, Danny.” You offered, trying your best to be empathetic. You knew they used to be happy together, but Danny was truly coming out of his shell lately, developing into a man and into his personality, and this new leg of tour might really allow him to fly. 

“Yeah. She promised Christmas, so. We’ll see.”

You tried your best to be positive. “Yeah, she will make it then.” You smiled, lying your hand on his knee before leaning back to your spot on the corner of the couch. 

You looked over to Jake, sitting quietly on the recliner as he slowly and intricately changed the strings on his guitar. One by one, he stretched them across, tying them off and snipping the ends. He never noticed you watching him. He was so particular, and used so much care as he went through the process; it was like watching an artist  paint a mural. Each movement calculated, so sure and so steady. He’d done it a thousand times in his life, and it showed. 

When he was finally finished, he began to tune it. He pushed his hair over his shoulder, and leaned his head down close so he could hear. You knew you’d fallen into a trance watching him, his hands gliding slowly across the strings as his brow furrowed and his eyes closed, paying special attention to how his instrument sounded. He never once asked for anyone to turn the music down, and you wondered if it was because he had taught himself to tune it out. You were captivated by him, watching his hands perform a task he’d done so many times, completely in love with the way he moved. 

Suddenly, two fingers were snapping in front of your face. 

“Hey! Earth to Y/N! I know he’s cute and you’re in love and shit, but can you really not hear me?” Elle said, laughing as you snapped out of it. 

You pushed her aside, giggling as she fell onto the couch beside you. 

“I’m a little drunk, Y/N.” She said, letting her body go limp on the old cushions. She slapped her stomach with her hands. “And still so full. Why do we always eat so much at Thanksgiving? Eeeeeeevery single year. We know what’s gonna happen! Food and drink. Too much.” She hiccuped, and leaned her head on your shoulder. 

You cuddled in next to her. “You want me to take you to bed?” 

“Naaah, I’m okay. Thank you though, friend.” She said, her eyes slipping closed. 

“Can I take you outside for some air?” You tried again, not wanting her to pass out too early. 

She perked up. “Actually yeah, let’s go outside. Maybe a brisk smack in the face with cold air will wake me up.” 

You stood up, and put on your jackets, retreating out back and finding the old metal bench on the small porch unoccupied. 

“Why the hell would anybody ever wanna live in this cold-ass weather all the time? How do y’all do it? Back home, it’s heat almost all year round. And I loved it. Miss it, actually.” She actually sounded a bit more coherent already, the air really must have helped. 

The two of you sat down, close together to shield yourselves from the chilled breeze. You looked up to the clear sky, seeing the stars twinkling and the moon almost full. 

“I’ve never been to Georgia.” You confessed. 

She turned her head dramatically toward you. “What? Really?” 

You laughed. “Yeah, really. I mean I’ve passed through, but never really stopped or gotten to explore. I’ve always wanted to, though. What part are you from?” You realized you’d never asked her. 

She smiled hard. “I’m from Helen, have you ever heard of it?”

“No, I haven’t.” You answered. “What’s it like?”

She smiled again, looking back up at the sky. “Honestly?” She laughed. 

“…Yes.” you answered, confused. 

“Picture here. Picture the town of Frankenmuth. And you got it.” She said. 

“Uh, a German town?” You asked. 

“Yes. A German town. It’s literally almost the exact same as here, except in the mountains of Georgia. Down to the sidewalks and old building design and all. That’s why me and Sam connected so quickly. We met and started talking about our hometowns, and realized they were almost identical, just 700 miles apart.” She said, her words clearing up just a bit. 

“How did you guys meet, anyway?” You asked her. 

“I volunteered as clean-up crew for one of the venues they’d played. I was earning free tickets to a show that wasn’t even theirs, if I cleaned up after Greta. So funny. We ran into each other afterward, we were both throwing things into the recycling bin at the same time. I was filthy. Sweaty, gross, and wearing giant rubber gloves. He asked if I had watched their show. Said I caught the end of it.” She laughed again, remembering the memory. 

“He asked if I enjoyed it, and I told him it was alright. Think I pissed him off. In all reality, I was just trying to flirt. I watched him the entire show. Think I fell in love right then.” She went on. 

You burst out laughing, “So you guys met by a dumpster?!”

“A recycling bin, Y/N. Thank you very much. He asked for my number right then and there. It was like fate. If he thought I was pretty meeting me like that, I knew he’d like me once I got myself cleaned up.” She went on, laughing at herself. 

God, you loved this girl. Maybe as much as Sam loved her. You couldn’t help the smile that came across your face. “That’s so neat. You guys are made for each other. Take me one day? To your town?”  

“Absolutely. We’ll have us a girl’s trip.” She wrapped her arm around you. “I’m so glad you’re back, Y/N.”

“I’m so glad you’re back, Elle. You make Sam so happy. It’s insane. I’ve never seen him like this.” You said, speaking truthfully. The thought crossed your mind, of the promise you made Sam last night on the couch. Now or never. 

“Elle, are you sure you aren’t...weird about...” you couldn’t find the words. “You promise you’re not upset with me, with us...? After Sam told you...about while you were gone...” 

Elle looked back at you, her eyes full of sorrow. “No, babe. I promise. I’m not upset with either of you, at all. Was it a little strange to hear at first? Kinda, but I wasn’t here. I had broken up with him...I didn’t have a say in his life at all.” 

“You promise? Because you can tell me, if you need some...time. Some space? If you want Sam and I to take a step back from each other, I completely understand.” You pleaded. 

“I promise, hun. You’re my best friend. I trust him. And when you find people in your life who bring you joy, who bring out the absolute best in you, you keep them close. Treat them like family. Confide in them. I think that’s what Sam has in you, and what you have in him. I came in after you two had already established that. I can’t rip it out from underneath you.” She said. 

Wow. 

“Are you sure you weren’t a therapist in a past life?” You asked her. 

She smirked, looking surprised at your statement. “No, but it’s actually my dream to be one. One day.” 

“Plus, now we can make jokes about him. Because we’ve both…been there.” She continued, lightening the mood. 

You burst out laughing again. “ELLE! I’m embarrassed, you really want to discuss that?!” 

“Sure, why not? I’m not weird about that kind of stuff. You can tell me about all the rendezvous y’all had!” Maybe her alcohol was hanging around. 

You put an end to the conversation. “Let’s get you back inside. It’s getting colder.” You giggled as you stood up. 

Ahh, you and Sam...what rendezvous you had…

——

You made your way back inside, and everyone was still continuing to wind down the night. You and Elle found your places on the couch again, deciding you were done drinking for the day. 

She sighed heavily, twirling her hair between her fingers. “God, you know what? I’m so excited to go on tour again. I’m so glad you guys don’t think I’m annoying tagging along. I’m so anxious to travel again.”

“I’m actually ready, too.” Danny agreed. “I think a whole bunch of distractions will do me some good.”

“Ugh. You guys just promise me you’ll send me every photo imaginable, okay? I want to know every detail.” You said, dread filling your body at the thought of not being with them on their wildest adventure yet. 

“Wait, what? What do you mean? You’ll be with us...” Elle replied, confused. “Josh, didn’t you all re-sign her?!” 

“Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about, Y/N?” Josh spat, sitting up in his seat. 

You shook your head, looking to Jake. “My contract ended after Strange Horizons. I’m waiting to hear what my next assignment will be...” 

The room was silent for a second while they all processed what you said. Jake nodded quickly in agreement. 

“Your next assignment, Y/N, will be with us on Dreams in Gold…we signed the paperwork in LA...” Josh said, rage beginning to fill his voice. 

“Wait, what? We did?” Jake also sat back up. 

“Yes Jacob, do you ever read the fine print or do you just sign whatever is in front of you?” Josh said.

 “Either way, that was a while ago now. They should have already been in touch with you with details...it’s not that far off…” he shook his head in disbelief, and felt his pocket for his phone. He quickly remembered it was 10:00 pm on a holiday weekend, and changed his mind. 

“Well, they haven’t. I haven’t gotten the first email or phone call, nothing from Allison either...” you stammered. Come to think of it, you hadn’t had any contact with work in a few days, which was odd to say the least. 

“It will be fine. We’ll figure it out.” Jake said, resting a reassuring hand on your shoulder. 

“Yeah, I’ll call soon. All four of us signed that paper restating that we wanted you as coordinator.” Josh reiterated. 

“We did. I remember.” Sam chimed in. “Because I thought it was weird we had to do that. I kind of just…assumed you’d be there again.” 

“Maybe the paperwork is just backed up with the offices being closed. Don’t worry about it. We’ll get it straightened out.” Josh said, smiling his comforting smile. 

“Yeah, okay. It will be alright.” you said to yourself, looking to Jake. He offered you a tiny smile, putting positivity back into your bloodstream. It did make sense, the paperwork was probably sitting on someone’s desk, waiting to be emailed to you when the offices reopened. Maybe things would work out. 

——

Danny had long since gone home when you all decided to make a giant bed on the floor in between the couch and TV. You strung blankets and tons of pillows on the fluffy rug, piling onto each other like you did so many nights years ago. 

“Pick a movie, Sam. We probably won’t all make it too much longer, so don’t think on it too long.” Jake said, his voice getting sleepy. Josh and Elle had made themselves comfortable lying across the couch, so you and Jake cuddled up on the floor. 

“How about Terminator?” He asked, holding up the DVD. 

His request was met with grunts and ‘sures’...and he put the DVD in, grabbing the remote to hit the play button. 

“Looks like this is the only spot left in the house.” He said, taking the floor next to you. He sat down cross-legged, pulling his hair back into a bun at the back of his head. He laid back, pulling the shared blanket over top of him and making himself comfortable on the flat pillow. 

“Ahh, I’m a Kiszka sandwich. Just like old times.” You said, some of the alcohol still lingering in your brain. Everyone giggled lightly, the delirium setting in as the beginning credits played. It was only a minute before you heard Josh’s light snoring and Elle’s heavy breathing above you. Jake, half asleep, wrapped his arm around your waist, and cuddled his face into the back of your head. He was snoring immediately. Sam turned and watched him bury his face in your neck, a solemn look on his face.  

“What?” You asked, noticing him staring. 

“Nothin’, babe.” He said, returning his eyes to the movie. 

You and Sam. The last ones standing. Again. 

“Why is it always us last?” He whispered quietly after ten minutes or so. 

The colorful lights from the TV were bouncing off his perfectly toned skin, making you ever jealous of his unblemished complexion. 

“Because we’re the most badass, I guess.” You said quietly, rolling to your side to face him. Jake rolled over, his back facing you. Sam mirrored your action, turning himself sideways to face you, too. 

“I talked to Elle tonight.” You said finally, both of you now ignoring the movie. 

His eyes opened wide. “You did? And?” He asked. 

“Went perfect. She’s absolutely fine, Sam. She’s one in a million, I swear.” You answered, remembering your sweet conversation from earlier. 

His face fell. Not in a bad way, but in an accepting way. 

“Yeah, she really is.” His eyes bolted back up to you, staring those intense daggers directly into your soul. “Not another girl like her in the world.”

You felt your face go flush, and your stomach turn. Your faces were so close, his hand was brushing up against yours. It had been a long time since you were this close, since the day he played you Wonderful Tonight at sound check. 

His pinky began to brush your hand, tickling the inside of your wrist. 

“Remember that time we went shopping for clothes for that wedding, at that giant mall?” He asked. 

You nodded, bringing the memory back. 

“And we’d accidentally gotten drunk at lunch right before, so we…” he trailed off, scrunching his nose up. 

“…Snuck into a dressing room?” You finished the story for him. “Yeah, I remember that.” You grinned, feeling yourself blush at the memory. “God we were dumb! We could’ve gotten caught so easily.” 

He laughed quietly through his nose. “Yeah, it was dumb. But it was hot, you gotta agree...” 

You nodded. “Of course it was hot. Everything we did was hot.” 

Ah, watch your words, Y/N. Shhhh…

He beamed. “We were pretty hot, weren’t we?” You could tell you’d gotten his wheels turning. 

“Yeah, ha ha, we were. Years of pent-up frustration, I guess.” You said. “We had to let it out somehow.”

“Frustration? Like sexual frustration? I thought you didn’t ever think of me that way…” he was genuinely surprised. 

You brought your face closer to his, trying your hardest to speak as low as possible. You were glad the movie was still playing loudly. He was still tickling your wrist. 

“Of course I thought of you that way, Sam, way back at the very beginning. We went through puberty together, basically. You were the first boy I was ever attracted to, like that. I always thought you might…I dont know– But I just never had the same…feelings as you did for me. I mean, we hardly spoke until highschool.” You hoped your confession wasn’t going to make him feel weird. 

He took a second, his mouth falling open slightly. You could feel his breath on your face, a familiar feeling that you didn’t think you’d ever experience again. Especially not with Jake’s back still pressed against you. 

Sam glanced up onto the couch, making sure everyone was still sleeping soundly. His eyes bounced behind you to Jake, too. 

He laid his head back down, looking in your eyes again. “You wanted me to take your virginity, Y/N?” He asked, all seriousness in his voice. 

You nodded, thinking back on your past. You always trusted Sam the most, and you were attracted to him, most ways, but it was a strange time in life. You were very young, but you remembered, at one point, thinking about asking him. Just as friends. To learn together. But you’d changed your mind, you’d never be caught dead telling him that at such a young impressionable age. 

And then you got to know Jake. 

And then you met Andy. 

“Wow…” he rolled his head back to look at the ceiling, blinking rapidly. You felt your heart begin to thump. You weren’t sure you’d ever told anyone that. 

He rolled back over to face you, grabbing your hand with the tips of his fingers. “Why didn’t you ever tell me that? I could have– we could have been each other’s…”

He couldn’t finish. The unspoken regrets from both of you filled the air. You laid your free hand to his face, eliciting a small gasp from him. 

“Why didn’t you ever ask me to?” He said quietly. 

You thought for a second. 

“I was shy, didn’t want to ruin our friendship, I guess. That’s kind of a big thing to ask someone as young teenagers, you know?” You said, giving him a small smile. 

He was quiet for a minute. “I wanted to ask you, too. I always wanted it to be you, my first. I knew we’d both be clueless, so it would be comfortable. Probably would have laughed through the whole thing. But…I guess my brother caught your eye.” 

“He wasn’t my first either, Sam.” You admitted. 

His eyebrows shot up. “He wasn’t?” 

“No. Andy was.” You said, your eyes dropping. 

“Oh. Well.” He sighed hard. “I’m glad we got to experience each other, even if it was years too late.” He paused again, fully grabbing your hand. 

“I sometimes wish…” he bit the inside of his cheek. 

“Wish what, Sam?” You said, your breath hanging with the feeling of his on your lips. 

He paused and swallowed. “That I could’ve made it last just a little bit longer.”

You felt your heart fall. His face was hanging, he was biting his lips. His eyes flicked back and forth from your eyes to your lips, you quickly recognized the warmth between you, and you knew it all too well. 

“I didn't even know it was the last time… I would’ve–” he stopped as you interrupted him.

“It’s alright Sam, maybe it’s a good thing we didn’t keep things going. Things could have ended up very differently, if we did…” you let the words hang there. 

His eyes scanned yours, searching for an answer that wasn’t there. He brought his hand up to your cheek, too, his thumb rubbing tiny circles. 

“Right, things could have been so different…” 

——

SAM POV

You didn’t realize you’d drifted off until you felt a light tapping on your cheek, and fingers rustling your hair. 

“Sam, Sammy hey...” the tapping continued. You opened your eyes, finding yourself lying with Y/N in the same position still. Faces close, and your hand still cupping her face. You blinked a few times, checking your surroundings. Everyone was still sleeping. 

You looked at her, her eyes wide with want. “Let’s go upstairs.”

“What? Upstairs? Why?” You whispered, feeling out of sorts. 

“You know why...” She said. 

Suddenly you found yourself being whisked away from your bed on the floor, her pulling your hand to stand. You looked back to see everyone still in their places, pillows covering their faces from the light of the TV. 

Her hand was pulling you up the stairs, your legs tripping over themselves as you tried your best to keep up with her rushing you. What is she doing? Is this what I think it is?

You landed at the top of the stairs, and she was still yanking at your hand to follow. You quickly rounded the corners of the house, trying to be light on your feet so as not to wake anyone with a creak in the floor. Her hand was warm on yours, your fingers interlaced. Your heart began to pound as you entered your bedroom. 

She pulled you inside with force, letting you fall into your unmade bed. She closed the door behind you, and you heard the lock latch. 

“Y/N, what are you doing? What is this?” You asked, your voice stammering like you had a mouthful of peanut butter. 

“Sam, I want you. One more time. Just one more time…” her voice was low, almost a whisper, and you couldn’t see her face very well in the dark of the room. 

Suddenly she was straddling your lap, pulling herself onto you and pulling your hair from the bun you’d put it in. Her fingers intertwined in your hair, and you could feel the heat radiating from her body as she pressed against you. 

What the hell is going on? 

She leaned down, pressing her lips to yours in a heated and strangled kiss, like she was starving for you. For just a second, you let yourself feel it. Let yourself enjoy the taste of her again. It had taken you by surprise, but you welcomed it. It felt so good, so wrong…

“Wait. Wait wait, Y/N.” You pulled away. “This is wrong. We can’t do this.”

She pulled back too, looking deeply into your eyes. 

“…You and I both know you want this too, Sam. I see the way you look at me, still. We don’t have to tell anyone. Please…” she whines.

“What about Jake? And Elle?” you ask.

“They’re downstairs. Asleep. They’ll never even know, Sammy…Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want to fuck me one more time?” 

You met her eyes, blurry and zipping back and forth with unhinged passion. You did. You did want this. One more time. You couldn’t deny it, the fire inside you still raged for her, but you’d never admit it. Coming back home and being close with her again had begun to take a toll on you mentally...you found yourself being drawn to her again. All the while still falling deeply more in love with Elle. 

Her hands rustled into your hair, and the fiery attachment you learned that you shared with her came crashing back onto you like waves knocking you right off your feet. So wrong, so wrong. 

But you couldn’t stop yourself. She was here, she felt it too. You brought your lips to hers again, taking her in a heated and searing kiss, grabbing her ass and her tits, anywhere your hands would allow. 

You picked her up and flipped her over, lying her on her back. You pulled her sweatpants down quickly, taking her panties with them. She sat up on her elbows, watching you. You crouched to the floor and pushed her knees apart, revealing her beautiful core to you again after so long. You immediately attached your mouth to her, taking her sweet taste in, absolutely driving yourself wild with want for her. 

Her sounds were euphoric already as she whined as quietly as she could, her whimpers making you impossibly hard. Your tongue stretched deeply inside her as you savored her taste…your hands forcefully massaging her thighs. You worked her clit a little bit, swirling it around with the end of your tongue, then switching to flattening your tongue to collect all her wetness. Her legs squeezed around your head, and her body began to quiver. 

“Fuck, Sam. I missed you…keep going…don’t stop…” she breathed. 

But you did stop. You knew that you were going to make the next move, you were in far too deep to turn back now. You needed to feel her again, needed to feel her release around you. You were craving it. You knew your bed would make too much noise, so you took her hands and stood her up, pushing her backwards against the wall by your closet. 

She reached down and pulled your pants to the floor, letting you spring free. You stepped out of them, losing your balance for just a second. You regained your composure, and pulled her leg up to hitch around your hip…Just like you did in the hotel shower...This was one of her favorites…

“Are you gonna fuck me Sammy? Please? Can you make me feel good again?” She asked as you teased her entrance and buried your face in her neck. 

“Yes…” you breathed. “Only I can make you feel perfect, you know that, right? You never forgot? Tell me.” 

“I never forgot…I just need you, please Sammy…”

With that, you plunged into her, filling her all the way up as you pressed her hard against the wall. 

“Ahhh..fuck meee…god I missed you...” she let out. 

Feeling her tight around you again was like heaven on earth, she felt so perfect around you. Like a puzzle piece that was meant for you and you only. You drove into her with force, expletives falling from both of your lips. Your head was spinning, her scent overtaking your senses…it was euphoric. So carnal and so primal…she still brought out those feelings in you. She always had. Your sex lives together were one you’d never be able to emulate with anyone else. So right, so right. 

Why did you ever stop this? 

“Fuck Y/N…” you whined.

Her sounds were driving you mad, her hands were pulling at your body, gripping at your skin, her nails leaving her marks all over you. But you didn’t care. You attached your lips to hers again, letting her whimper into your mouth. You pulled away, bringing your mouth to her ear. 

“Stay quiet, baby girl. Just our little secret…Just us…”

You knew this was so wrong, but for some wild reason you let yourself do it. You let her do it. 

You felt her clenching around you, coming closer to her release. You continued to fuck her senseless..just like she asked you to the very first time you slept together. 

“Baby…I’m close...I’m coming…keep going...” she whispered just barely below speaking. 

“Let me have it, beautiful...fuck you’re so gorgeous, Y/N…” 

And she was coming undone around you, letting her knees buckle and her body go limp, but you held her steady with the wall at her back. Her sounds rang out like music flying through the air. You’d forgotten how melodic she sounded...how perfect and beautiful she was.

“Come for me now, baby…don’t hold back...” she said as you continued your assault on her. 

You felt your release drawing closer, the knot in your stomach pulling tightly and then releasing, pulsating in your stomach as your muscles began to tighten. 

“…come on…”  she pleaded, her voice like a siren in the ocean. 

No. 

No, no, no. Stop. 

You couldn’t. She wasn’t yours anymore. She was Jake’s. You couldn’t risk it. You pulled out, meeting her eyes once again, except this time they weren’t their normal color. They mirrored the glow of a fire, like they were filled with burning embers. They lit up the space between you, blazing and shining bright beams of light across your face. You had to shield your own eyes from hers, it felt like looking straight into the sun. You backed away, feeling terrified of what was in front of you. You fell back into your bed as the lights in her eyes grew brighter. 

“Bye, Sammy….” She spoke. 

Your eyes shot open as your breath caught in your throat. It was dry and hot, and you could hardly catch your breath. The layer of sweat that had covered your body was thick, almost dripping from your forehead. You looked around aimlessly, searching the room and feeling lost in your own mind. 

You looked across from you to find Y/N wrapped up in Jake’s arms, their bodies tangled together into one. Elle was still on the couch, laying perfectly still and angelic in her deep sleep. 

Fuck. A dream. 

A nightmare. 

You rubbed your eyes hard, lightly pounding your head with the heels of your hands. 

What the fuck, Sam?! What the hell was that about? You felt angry at yourself. So guilty for even thinking that your brain could cook something up like that. So vivid. And so realistic. You swore you could still feel the touch of her lips on yours. God, what an idiot. 

You sat up, deciding to retreat upstairs to your bed, feeling purely disgusted with yourself and your subconscious. Where did those thoughts even come from? 

These thoughts were not okay. Not okay in the least. 

—

The next morning, you were woken up to the smell of breakfast being cooked. It was tradition that your parents always cooked a giant breakfast the day after Thanksgiving, using as many leftovers as possible. Elle was curled up beside you; she must have come up to join you earlier this morning. 

Your head was pounding. Did you drink last night? No, not much. But you may as well have, with the way your mind was acting up. You covered your face with your hands, trying to physically wipe away the memory of the nightmare. Facing her today would be very weird. You already felt like you were outside of your own body, and you hadn’t even fully woken up yet. 

Make it through breakfast, go shopping, kiss your girlfriend...go with the motions…

You shook Elle awake, smiling when she swatted your hand away to let her sleep. She tossed and turned, grunting in aggravation as you kept shaking her. 

“There better be a good ass reason you’re waking me up like this.” She spoke through gritted teeth. 

You laughed. “How about my mom’s famous scrambled eggs and leftover honey ham?” 

She rolled back over, opening one eye to look at you. “Yeah, ok. Ok ok. I’ll get up for that.” 

You went to the bathroom to brush your teeth and calm your wild hair, and watched yourself in the mirror as you did so. You could hardly look at yourself. You felt so ashamed. You hadn’t done anything wrong...but your thoughts made you feel like absolute shit. You hadn’t thought about Y/N in that way in so long, it was almost foreign. 

But if it was so wrong, why did you enjoy it so much? You let out an audible cry of aggravation with yourself, damning every bad thought you’d had about her in the past few hours. You tried your hardest to shake it away, and put on a normal face. This was so stupid. You were happy with Elle. 

You joined everyone downstairs, the entire group actually awake at a decent hour. 

“Thanks for cooking again, Mom.” You said, putting your arm around her side as she stirred the eggs in the skillet. 

“Aw, of course my baby. I would cook every single meal for you all if it meant you’d be back home with me. Oh, and don’t forget I’m sending you back to Nashville with plenty of leftover pie, too. Don’t forget it.” She said, earning a chuckle from you. 

Y/N was brewing another pot of coffee when you caught her eyes, suddenly feeling the uneasiness creeping back in. She gave you her warmest smile, making your head spin. Fuck, look away. 

“Do you want coffee, Sammy?” She asked, holding up the fresh pot. Your name fell off her tongue like a perfect sonata. 

“Ah, no, I’m okay today. Thanks though.” You blurted out. Anything to get you away from her quicker. 

She gave you a strange look. “What? Are you sick?” Yeah, I think I am. 

“Nah, just. Gonna get some OJ instead.” You walked awkwardly over to the cabinet and pulled out a glass. Can you not act fucking normal around her? 

“…You hate orange juice...” she said, looking at you confused. 

“Welp, not anymore. Hey Ma, can I help set the table?” You’d say anything to get away from her chit chat right now. You had to keep your distance. Things just felt really freaking awkward. 

After sitting through the most uncomfortable breakfast you could have ever imagined, everyone made the decision of where they wanted to Christmas shop today. You’d all decided to keep it simple, and just visit the shops in town. 

“Let’s leave at noon?” Your mom said, making the executive decision. 

Elle came and kissed your cheek. “I’m gonna go shower and get dressed. I’ll see you in a bit, love.”

You decided to clean up the kitchen to distract yourself from your annoying thoughts. You were still having a hard time shaking them. Your whole body felt dirty, like you’d actually done what you dreamed about. You felt like you needed to punish yourself. So you made yourself work. Cleaning every inch of the kitchen and doing every dish, even going as far as wiping the refrigerator down and rearranging leftovers. 

“What the hell are you doing, Mr. Clean?” Josh asked, waltzing into the kitchen. 

“Just…trying to help mom out a little. Why do you care?” You replied, avoiding eye contact. 

“You’re scrubbing granite, Samuel.” He pointed to the now sparkling countertops, raising his eyebrows in question. 

You dropped your sponge dramatically, turning and leaning against the counter and crossing your arms. You knew what this was, he was about to lecture you about something. You could hear it in his voice. 

You lifted your two middle fingers to him, signaling for him to get on with whatever he had to say. He mirrored your stance on the opposite counter. 

“Have any wild dreams last night?” He asked quietly, looking over his shoulder. 

Oh fuck. 

“No, why?” You lied. 

He leaned in closely. “I heard you, dumbass. I got up to pee and you were making some god awful noises that I would rather not mimic.” 

You stared at him, unable to speak, feeling even more humiliated. You bit your tongue. 

He got even closer, bringing his voice to a whisper.  “Y/N, Sam? I heard you moaning her name…While you were laying right next to her, Jake and Elle?!” He shook his head in disappointment. 

He went on. “Listen to me right now, I don’t know what’s going on in your pretty little head, or between all you guys, but you need to dry it the fuck up, right now. Jake will fucking kill you this time. And I don’t mean that metaphorically. Do you hear me?” He growled, seething through his teeth. 

“It was a dream Josh, shit. I can’t control my dreams. I didn’t want it to happen either! Do you know how awkward I feel? And now even more awkward that you heard me? Damn!” You spat back, defending yourself. 

“All I’m saying is you seemed pretty involved in whatever you two were doing in your little dreamland…and you’d better not do anything to act on it. They just got back to being good again. We just got our Jake back. So don’t even think about it. Capiche?” He warned. 

“Are you fucking serious, Josh? Do you really think I’d act on it? Come on…” you responded, throwing your hands down in desperation. You were getting a little pissed. “I have Elle. We love each other. I can’t believe you’d ever even think…”

He stepped closer to your face again. 

“You acted on it before, Sam. In case you don’t remember. You took her away from him once already. Who’s to say you wouldn’t do it again? Do you not remember what you two put him through just a few months ago?! You tortured him…your own brother.” he was raising his voice a bit now, inches from your face. 

You bucked up to him, using your height as an advantage. Your blood was boiling at this point. 

“We have moved past that, Josh! The four of us. We cleared the air. Because we’re adults. Jake and I are fine. Plus it’s none of your fucking business, anyway!” You all but yelled in his face. 

His forehead was almost touching yours. 

“Anything that has to do with my twin, and my brother, and you two letting a girl come between you and the band, is ALL my business!” He shouted, still quietly enough so as not to draw attention. 

You couldn’t handle it. You put your hands to his shoulders, shoving him back with force. 

“She is not just a girl, Josh. How the fuck could you even say that? What you need to do is have more respect for your twin’s girlfriend than that. Jackass.” You seethed. You could feel your face getting hot. 

He laughed deviously, his tongue in his cheek. But absolutely nothing was funny. He was showing restraint, amused that you put your hands on him. 

“Who the fuck do you think worked so hard to get them back together, hm? Who orchestrated all of this? Made their dates happen, kept their secrets from management, cooled off the crew when they acted suspicious that their boss was flirting with a band member, hmm? Me. Did you ever stick up for them? Did you ever go to bat for them? No, I’m not sure that you did. And if you did, then call me crazy. But fuck you for assuming that I don’t have respect for her.” He said. 

A million words were threatening to spill from your mouth in retaliation, but all you could do was step back, and take a deep breath. He was right. Shit, he was right. 

Just then, you mom walked into the kitchen, catching the two of you amidst an impending brawl. 

“Boys! Is everything okay in here? Do I need to get your father?” She said, a truly heavy motherly warning in her voice. She had seen this many, many times before. And though you wanted to bash Josh’s head through the glass door, you’d thankfully grown up a bit. 

“No, Momma. Everything is peachy.” Josh said, smiling sarcastically as he was coming past you to leave the kitchen. He whispered to you again. “And don’t you ever fuckin’ put your hands on me like that again, little brother.” You rolled your eyes, shaking your head. 

“Let’s go shopping!” Josh said, gathering your mom up in his arms. 

You stood planted where you stood, feeling completely defeated, mad, embarrassed and confused. Why was she on your mind so much again? Elle was everything you could have ever wanted. You could feel the magnet pulling you toward Y/N again, sending you into her aura in a way that you couldn’t deny. You felt for her like you did when you were 15 again. All of it coming right back up to the surface out of nowhere. Except this time, all of it was completely forbidden. It was undeniable and unattainable.

You had to force these thoughts away. No matter what it took.  

JAKE POV

You tapped your fingers on the couch, staring out the living room window at the quiet street. The house however, was far from quiet. The sounds of everyone rushing around to get ready to leave, deciding on a day of shopping to burn off the extra indulgences from the night before. 

It took you about ten minutes to get ready; A quick shower and threw on whatever you put in your suitcase. You didn’t really understand why it took everyone else so long, but at least you had a little time to yourself while you waited. You began scrolling through social media, your foot tapping on the floor as you moved your fingers. It was almost second nature to move your foot in a rhythm, something you could never seem to turn off. 

As you scrolled you saw nothing of interest, pushing the phone back into your pocket with a sigh. You heard your dad in the kitchen, milling around to keep himself busy, so you decided to join him.

You perched yourself at one of the barstools, leaning your elbows onto the counter as you watched him arrange the dishes that were put away incorrectly. 

“You not joining us on this riveting outing?” you asked sarcastically. 

He turns to face you, “Pffft…not quite.”

“Lucky man…” you quip.

He places the mugs back into the cabinet as he turns to face you, “Seems I am not the only lucky man, lately.” he says, raising an eyebrow.

“Seems so. Didn’t see it coming. Glad it did.” you reply, not giving away too much. 

He nods his head as he leans onto the countertop, “You know…I met your mom when I was eighteen…”

“Is that right?” you ask.

“It is. We were young kids…didn’t know our asses from our elbows. But the one thing we did know is that we loved each other. That was enough for us. I could look at her and I knew. Same for her.” he said, staring off into the distance. 

“I see a lot of the same things with you and Y/N. See a lot of your mom and I. Just thought you should know I’m happy for you son. Just want you two to be happy.” he says, sending you a soft smile.

“How did you…” you stop, clearing your throat before starting again, “How did you know you were ready to… move forward?” you say, glancing over your shoulder. 

“Well, do you love her?” he asks.

“Since I was sixteen…” you answer. 

“I figured as much. Can you imagine your life without her?” he asks.

“No. Not anymore.” you answer truthfully.

“Do you see yourself…” he shrugs, “...you know…” he says gesturing to the house around you.

“What? Living with her?” you answer, confused.

“No. Well, yeah, living with her. I mean, do you see yourself years from now in your own home washing your own dishes as your kids get ready to leave you to go shopping?” he laughs.

“You know, when we first got together, before we ever really made it, yeah, I saw us together. Big house, kids, all that. But then she left and we started touring and I started living that musician dream I always had, and that all got kind of pushed to the backburner. It wasn’t…important, at least not without her. I dated a few people, but…I never saw it moving past anything other than casually dating. Then, she came back and my whole world got flipped upside down and shaken out in front of everyone. Everything exploded in my face. I got cheated on…She started seeing Sam for a bit.. and I was…so fucked up over it. Really….” you pause as he nods his head. 

“Yeah, I saw them on the couch the other night. Seemed friendly.” he says, cocking an eyebrow at you. 

“But see, that's the thing. That’s all they are to each other. She loves me, I love her. Sam knows that. Sam loves Elle, and he loves Y/N too, but in a different way than he loves Elle. They were best friends before I was ever… involved. I don’t know how to explain it, but they were just… there for each other while I figured my shit out. It sounds crazy and messed up, but it works for all of us. Somehow…”

“So, how did all of this come back together the way it did?” he asks, hanging the dish towel on the stove.

“Well, Josh brought her on to come work with us. She did our coordinating. Fucking killed it too, I have to say. Anyways, she came to work for us, and things were a little tense for a while. I wanted her, I knew she wanted me but wouldn’t let herself have it. I think we both kind of knew and were prolonging the inevitable and trying to fight it. The problem was that she signed a contract saying that she wouldn’t have relationships with anyone involved in the production, and that included me. She fought it for weeks. We were both miserable, I said some horrible shit to her…I was ready to give up. But, I think it was Chicago… I…played that song I wrote for her… She knew it was for her, I finally spoke to her in a way she could understand. We both couldn’t fight it anymore.” you said, rubbing your fingers over your chin. 

“But it was like the moment she came back into my life in that way, that backburner was flipped to high, and the pot started to boil over. All those feelings came rushing back, and had only been growing over time. Sitting here, in this house with her, where all of this started… I realized I do still want all of those things, but only with her. We’ve only really been together for about two months, but it just feels…so much longer than that. Partly because it has been longer. Years longer. Like I said, I have loved her–no, been in love with her since I was sixteen. No one else ever came close. No one else ever will.”  you say.

“So… you think she’s the one?” he asks, voice low.

“No. I know she is. If it’s not her, then it's no one.” you answer.

“I know how you feel son, it’s all too familiar to me.” he smiles.

“And I’m sorry I hurt you and mom all those years I didn’t come around. That was shitty of me. I was only thinking about me and my pain, and not the pain I was causing to others by removing myself.” you say finally. 

“I knew why. Your mom did too. Doesn’t mean we didn’t miss you. But, feels like we’ve got you back now. Hopefully for good. Haven’t seen your mom this happy in ages.” he smiles.

“Can’t get rid of me old man…” you smile back, hearing Sam’s loud footsteps thundering down the stairs.

“For what it’s worth, your mom and I couldn’t imagine you with anyone else. Even if we never said anything, we always hoped it would be her.” he says, patting you on the shoulder just as Sam walks into the kitchen.

—

Your dads words echoed through your head as you walked the strip of shops downtown. You walked with her, hand in hand, stopping here and there to take pictures and sign autographs, making a special stop in the tiny store that sold your merch, to sign vinyls and take a few photos. 

There were quite a few shops on this main strip, and since it was the day after Thanksgiving, people were out and about already beginning their Christmas shopping. It was a Christmas town after all. You hadn’t really put much thought into Christmas yet. You had something in mind for her, but first came her birthday in a few weeks.

“I love it here. It's so…charming!” Elle said cheerfully. “Oh! Y/N let’s go in here and see if they have anything for us!” she said, pulling Y/N from your grip and into the store with her. 

Sam follows them inside, leaving you, your mom and Josh to continue walking the path of stores. 

“Hey, I’m gonna pop in here for a minute. I’ll text you when I’m done.” Josh says, nodding his head to an all too familiar record shop. 

“Just you and me now, huh buddy?” your mom said, linking her arm with yours. 

“I’m going to stop in here for a minute, do you want to come in with me, or wait out here?” she asks.

“I’ll come in…” you reply, pulling the door open for her.

She walks to the back of the store, talking with the shop owner as you look around at the various racks of clothing and shoes. After a while your mom makes her selections and walks up to the register, and as you walk up to meet her you walk past a lit jewelry case, letting your eyes glance over the items inside.

You stop as something catches your eye, your heart beating a little faster at the sight of it. It’s perfect.

An employee walks over to you, with a friendly smile, “Anything I can get out for you?” she asks.

“Hey! Yeah, could you take out this one for me?” you ask, pointing through the glass.

“This one?” she asks.

“Yes! Please, I will take that.” you reply, pulling out your wallet.

“Oh, don’t you want to know how much it is first?” she asks.

“No. Thank you though.” you reply, sliding your card across the glass. The price didn’t matter. It never would. You’d pay any price to see the smile it was going to put on her face. 

“Okay, let me get it wrapped up for you, I’ll be right back!” she says. 

After a few minutes she comes back, and processes the purchase, handing you your card and the shiny black bag. “Thanks so much!” she smiles.

“Ah, thank you!” you reply, knowing that you just found the most perfect gift. Or, it found you.

Your mom makes her way over to you, smiling with bags in her hands, “Did you find something, honey?” she asks.

“I did. Just bought Y/N’s birthday present. She’s going to love it.” you smile.

“Oh, Jakey, I’m so happy you’re happy. I love you both so much. Makes me want to cry.” she laughs. 

You laugh with her, putting your arm around her shoulder as you walk back up the street, “Get what you wanted?” you ask.

“I did! But, where did your brother run off to?” she asks.

“Vinyl Bank, where else?” you laugh. “Want to grab a coffee while we wait for them?”

She nods her head leading the way to the little coffee house you used to frequent. After ordering your coffees, the two of you sat at the small tables outside sipping on the hot drinks, waiting to hear from the girls, Sam, or even Josh. 

You took in your surroundings, a place you once called home, and felt nostalgic about the time you used to spend here. As your eyes looked over the rim of your paper cup you spotted the place it all began. Just across the street sat Fischer Hall. The place that welcomed you and your little band, so many years ago, time and time again. You spent hours in that place, playing, wondering what it would be like to play on a stage bigger than that. In a venue that could hold thousands instead of a few hundred. 

You let out a deep breath as you stared at the building, remembering all the times you walked in and out of those doors, promising yourself you’d make it out of here. Make it out of this small town and show the world what you and your brothers could really do. Make an impact on people. Spread your message of love and unity. Provide hope to people who need it, the same way you did.

You wished you could go back and tell that version of yourself that you did it. You did make it out of here, you did show the world, and that you did get the girl in the end. 

You smile to yourself as a small bout of tears fill your eyes. You blink them away quickly and look over to your mom, knowing that none of this would have happened without her. 

“Hey Mom?” you ask, getting her attention.

“Yeah, honey?” she replies, looking at you concerned. 

“I love you. Thank you…for everything. You know we wouldn’t be where we are now without you supporting us in the beginning.” you said, still blinking back the tears welling in your eyes.

“Jakey…” she replies, grabbing your hand. “The greatest accomplishment of my life is watching my sons be able to live their dream.”

Just then, Josh walks up behind the two of you, and takes a seat. “Um… did I interrupt something?” he asks.

You both laugh as you sniffle away the tears, “No, no, we were just reminiscing on old times.”

“Ahh, You must have looked over and saw Fischer, huh?” he asks.

You nod with a smirk.

“Happened to me too the first time. We all feel that way brother. Always gotta remember your roots.” he smiles, patting you on the back. As the words sank in, it hit you.

“What if we went back to them?” you said, turning to face him, a serious look on your face.

“Our roots?” he asks, rubbing his fingers over his mouth.

“Yeah. Strip it down…Take it back a bit.” you answer, a smile threatening your lips.

His eyes squinted, before looking off into the distance and smiling as he nodded his head, “Yeah, what if…”

You both looked at each other and smiled, your next great idea was just born, on the very steps of where it all began.

—

A half hour later, you finally found Y/N, Sam, and Elle walking at a quick pace down the sidewalk toward you. When you finally met, you could tell something was off. 

“Hey! You guys ready to go? I think I have everything I need.” Y/N said, taking your hand. 

“Yeah, I think we’re ready to go…Hey, you okay?” You asked, pulling her back from the group and squeezing her hand. You pulled your sunglasses to sit on top of your head to look into her eyes. 

“Yeah yeah, I’m...fine. Just tired. You ready?” She pushed past you again…hurrying to catch up with the group. She was definitely not fine. 

The car ride home was full of your mom’s old stories about your dad’s shows at Fischer Hall, all when they first got married and she was going to watch him play. Never knowing that their kids would one day be doing the same thing. 

Y/N sat beside you, her knee bouncing as she started at the window, trying her best to stay involved with the conversation. 

You leaned over and whispered in her ear. “Babe, you’re acting like we’re about to get on a plane. Your nerves are making me nervous. You sure you’re okay?” 

She looked directly in your eyes finally, giving you a knowing look. She didn’t even have to speak, you knew from her expression that she’d talk about it later. So you left it at that. 

After lugging your bags and gifts upstairs to your bedroom with Y/N, you took off your coat and plopped down onto your bed. “Let’s take a nap.” You suggested. 

She sauntered over, laying down next to you and cuddling up underneath your arm. “Mmm, that sounds kind of nice actually.” 

A few moments passed as the two of you relaxed. “You feeling better now?” You tiptoed lightly, wanting to know why she was so bothered earlier, but also didn’t want to overstep. 

“Yes, better now that we’re here. That I’m safe with you.” She murmured. 

You furrowed your brow. “Safe with me? Why wouldn’t you be safe there-“

She sat up, leaning on one arm. “I- I think I saw Andy, Jake. In the shops…it was only for a split second, but I swear it was him. He looked different, but. I could tell.” 

You sat up, too. “What? Are you serious? Are you sure it was him?”

“No, I’m not 100% positive. It really looked like him, though. He made eye contact with me for just a second, too. So, if it was him, he saw me too. I haven’t seen him in so long…you know what I mean?” She rambled, becoming visibly more distraught. 

You brought her back down to lay beside you, curling her up underneath you. Fuck. You knew it was him. It had to have been. You never thought he would have followed her back home again, but then, he’s surprised you a few times now. You thought home was your safe space, but apparently not. You had to tell the guys to be on lookout. This was getting worse and worse as time went on. You felt your blood beginning to boil again. 

“I’m so sorry, love. Maybe it wasn’t him, you know? Maybe your eyes were playing tricks?” You played it off, as much as it hurt you to lie to her. 

“Maybe…I don’t know…” she went silent as you let her relax for just a little longer in your embrace. 

—

After a while, she sat back up again, rubbing her face with her hands. 

“I can’t sleep, my brain is running wild.” She said. 

She was still shaken, that much you could tell. You knew you had to get her out of the house while she processed her thoughts. You knew she wouldn’t want to talk about it around the others. She barely even talked to you about it, and you couldn’t risk one of the guys slipping up about what had been happening the past few months. 

“Let’s go for a drive.” You said, pulling her up from the bed with you. 

“Right now?” She asked, quickly sliding on her boots.

“Yeah, just us.” You said grabbing the keys and rushing her out the door. 

You shut the passenger door behind her, the nice weather giving way to a cloudy sky, gray and cold. You jumped into the driver's seat, turning the key in the ignition and pulling out of the driveway, with your hand draped over her headrest.

“Where are we going?” she asks.

“I don’t know, away from the house for a while…” you say, driving down the old backroads. 

You place your hand on her leg, letting your fingers trail over her jeans. The gray sky decides to give way, as tiny raindrops begin to litter the windshield. 

You look over to her, her head resting on the window as she gets lost in her own head. 

“Baby…” you say, grabbing her hand in yours. She looks over to you and pulls your intertwined hands up to her cheek, resting your warm hand on her face. She drops her hand leaving yours to rest on her cheek, letting your thumb rub over the prominent bone. 

“My love, what’s wrong? Talk to me.” you plead.

You see the sign for the turn off to head to the lake, and realize that is where you were already driving whether you knew it or not. It was the place you always went when you needed to clear your head. 

“I don’t know what to say Jake, I– I never thought I would see him again.” she said emotionlessly. 

“Are you positive it was him?” you question. 

“I…I think so? I don’t know. It’s been a long time. It was his eyes. I just…felt it, you know?” she says, searching her mind.

“Well, you’re safe with me. You know that right?” you ask, bringing her hand to your lips.

“I know. It just brought back that fight or flight feeling, and… every bad memory I fought off after everything.” she says, rubbing her thumb over your fingers.

You pull into the entrance for the lake, but instead of parking in the parking lot you drive a little further down, into the small patch of trees you used to park under years ago.

You turn the car off, letting the sound of the rain hitting the windshield bring you both into a more relaxed state. 

She turns in her seat to face you, and you look at her, taking a deep breath before you speak. 

“I know you have a hard time talking about that part of your life. I don’t expect you to share any of it with me, if that’s not something you want to do. I know it’s painful and you do your best to forget about it. But, we never really talked about it after you had your nightmare back in LA, and again, if you don’t want to, we don’t have to. I just…want to be able to help you the best way I can if it happens again. I want you to feel safe, and protected. You never really told me the extent of what he did to you back then, but from what I’ve gathered, it’s enough to turn my stomach.” you trail off. 

She swallows hard as she turns her gaze to the raindrops pelting the windshield through the trees. 

“It was a memory.” she whispers. 

“What?” you ask, playing with her fingertips.

“The nightmare. It was a memory.” she breathes. 

You nod your head, “Are they all…memories?” you ask.

She stares off into space, her expression sullen. “Usually. Mostly.”

“Was he hurting you?” you ask, nervously.

“He was trying to. I was fighting him off. It was a normal occurrence, but it got out of hand that night.” she remembers. 

You brought your fingertips to your lips, pressing them together softly as she continued. 

“It was his birthday. I thought it would be nice to surprise him, cook him dinner, hangout, just have a little date night in. I had a key to his apartment, and I let myself in and started cooking, and cleaning up a little while I waited for him to come home. He did eventually come home, I could tell he had been drinking already. I could smell it on him. I knew I needed to tread lightly.” she pauses, swallowing back the lump in her throat. 

“Baby, you don’t have to tell me, it’s okay rea–” you start, but she interrupts you. 

“No, you need to know. You deserve to know. I love you and I want you to know about the shit that haunts me. If… you want to know about it.” she says nervously. 

“Of course I do. I want to know every single thing there is to know about you.” you answer. 

She nods her head and continues, “So he came in guns blazing about ‘springing plans on him’ when I supposedly knew he was going drinking with his friends that night. Made a big deal about me ruining his night. I felt horrible. Like everything I did meant nothing. I told him I was sorry, and that it must have slipped my mind. Then came the name calling. Of course I was upset, which made him even more mad. I wanted to leave, but after a while he cooled off. Said he was sorry, and wanted to eat with me. So we did. I thought things were fine, and that maybe I had just overreacted. After we ate, he told me he was just going to go out and have a few drinks with his friends and he would be back in an hour or two. So he left, and I stayed, and cleaned up everything.” she says, with a sigh. 

You knew this story was about to take a turn, and you were already gripping her hand tightly as she told it. 

“It had been hours. I waited up for him. It was stupid of me, really. I knew he wouldn't be home until three in the morning. It would be no different than any other night. I must have dozed off waiting, because I woke up to the sound of him drunkenly barrelling through his living room and into his bedroom. He walked with two bottles of beer in his hand, and used the other to  rip the blankets off the bed, saying he was ‘glad I was awake’. I could tell he was completely gone. Completely belligerent. I sat up in the bed and asked him why he was gone so long. He asked me ‘if I really thought he would want to spend his birthday with me at home.’ That hurt pretty bad, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I knew it would set him off, so I choked them down.” she says, her voice starting to grow shaky. 

You knew she needed to get this out. Part of you thought maybe it would help her let it go, but your blood was boiling, and you knew you would never forget it, regardless if she did or not. You shook your head, thinking how you’d do anything to spend a birthday alone at home with her.

“He grabbed my legs and pulled me down the bed telling me that he was going to ‘fuck me as his birthday gift to himself’. Told me ‘I was his favorite place to put his cock, at least tonight’. I told him no, and kicked off of him. I didn’t want him anywhere near me. But he didn’t like that answer. He grabbed at me more forcefully, and told me that ‘it wasn’t up to me’. I kept kicking at him, and that only pissed him off more. My foot connected with one of the beer bottles in his hand, spilling it all over him, which in turn made him let go of me, long enough for me to sprint into his bathroom and lock the door.”

“Fuck babe…you were kicking in your sleep. That’s what woke me up.” you say, rubbing your hand over your face. 

“The dreams feel so real. Feels like I am right back in the moment…I hate it. I don’t even know what brings them on.” she says with a sigh. 

“Anyways, so–” she stops as you cut her off. 

“Wait there’s more?!” you ask.

“Yeah, there's…more.” she pauses. “So I am in the bathroom, panicking. I’m essentially trapped in there. I didn’t have my phone or anything. He is just pounding on the door. It was so loud, he had to have woken every neighbor he had. I was finally alone, and the tears were flowing. I couldn’t stop them if I tried. I huddled on the bathroom floor with my hands over my ears, trying to tune out his screaming, but it was no use. He started throwing his body against the door, trying to break it down. I knew he would. I knew I just had to open the door and let him do whatever he was going to do. I knew that the sooner I let him, the sooner he would pass out and it would all be over.” she said, eyes welling with tears. 

“So I stood up, and tried my best to pull myself together, and that's when he started throwing things at the door. I don’t know what it was, but it was glass. The beer bottles he was holding… whatever he could find really. It stopped for a second, and I opened the door to see him starting to swing his broken bottle against the door. I threw my hand up to try and catch his arm before the jagged glass hit my face, but in his drunken state his reaction time was delayed and he sliced my hand. I pushed him back away from the door, blood pouring from the top of my palm.” she says, extending her right hand towards you.

She flips her hand in yours to rest it palm up, maneuvering her fingers in the light to reveal her still pink scar. Your heart dropped into your stomach at the thought of her trying to fight him off. You had first hand knowledge of how he liked to fight. You were seething, trying your best to contain your emotions as she continued telling you this story.

“I was bleeding everywhere, I tried to hold pressure on it, but he still hadn’t even noticed it had happened. He was still trying to drag me to the bed. I screamed at him, told him I was bleeding, and that he cut me. To stop touching me. He finally saw, and his entire demeanor changed. It was like a light switch flipped. He panicked and spent an hour trying to bandage me up the best he could, even completely intoxicated. He knew I was upset, and said everything he possibly could to try and make up for it. Told me he loved me and he didn’t mean what he said earlier in the night. I know now that he was gaslighting me into staying with him. Telling me what I wanted to hear to save face…” she trails off. 

“...In the end he did get what he wanted that night. He did fuck me, just like he wanted and I laid there and took it like I had no choice. He told me he loved me after all…Made me say it back, even though I knew it wasn’t true. It hurt and I hated every miserable second of it, but I knew it was the only way the night was going to end. To finally be over. He passed out afterwards, but I didn’t. I laid there still shaking from the shock of everything, thinking of any and everything else to get my mind off of it. I cried as quietly as I could, wishing things were different. Wishing I never met him. Wondering how I was going to get out of the situation I found myself in. I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone. I knew how it would make me look, staying with someone who treated me like that, but I was scared of what would happen if I left.”

She grabbed your hand and ran her fingers around your palm, a single tear slipping from her lashes. “I fell asleep that night thinking about you. Wondering what you were doing. If you were awake, or asleep. If you were alone or with someone. Wishing I could just call you up and talk to you about anything you wanted until we both fell asleep. I didn’t know that a few weeks later you’d be falling asleep next to me. I wish I would have known. I think it would have made that night a little more bearable.” she finishes. 

It’s silent in the car for what seems like ten minutes as the two of you just stare off into the distance, the view of the lake blurry and obstructed by the continuously falling rain. Her hand, still gripped in yours, was growing cold. Your thoughts were swirling around in your head so quickly you could hardly catch one to make a coherent thought out of it. You were mad. No, furious that not only had he hurt her mentally, and emotionally, he hurt her physically. He drew blood. You kissed her cold hand, holding it to your lips as you memorized the feeling of her skin on yours. 

“I will never, ever, let him near you again, Y/N. Never. He will have to go through me to get to you.” you promised. 

“I know, Jake. I think that’s why I never told you all the things that he did back then. I was afraid if you knew the extent of it, you’d do something drastic. I couldn’t risk you losing everything you worked for. It was part of the reason I left.” she admits. 

“You’re right. Back then…I probably would have killed him. I should have done worse that night at the bar.” you say, shaking your head. “But I get it. You couldn’t live with that guilt. I understand why you didn’t tell me, or anyone for that matter. I wish you would have though. You shouldn’t have had to endure that.” you reply.

She nods her head in agreement. The past is the past, and there's nothing you could do but move forward. Move forward with the small increments of this part of her that she was willing to share. You knew that she felt like it made her look weak, but you knew that wasn’t true. In fact, you never saw her stronger than she was right now. Sharing something painful with you in hopes you would understand. Opening up to you little by little. Baring her soul to you, in hopes you’d still love it the same. And you did. You loved her more, even.

“I love you Y/N.” you whisper. 

She swallows the lump in her throat as her eyes meet yours, “I love you too Jake. I really do.”

The two of you sat, saying nothing for a while, just being there with each other. The rain pattered across the windows, as the sky started to grow dark. You turned the car on, letting the heat blow into the now chilly cabin, rubbing her leg with your hand to warm her up. 

She smiled over at you, and you watched her expression change to one of fondness. 

“Do you remember that time we came out here…right before you guys left to write the first album?” she asks.

You smile, covering your mouth with your fingers, as you bashfully look down at the steering wheel. “Yeah. Yeah, after our date.” you reply. Knowing exactly which memory she is pulling from, completely unknowing that it is one of your favorites.

“God, I was so sad... I didn’t want you to leave. I wanted to stay in that backseat with you for the rest of the summer.” she smiled. 

“I didn’t want to leave either, love. If I would have known what was going to happen when I got back, I probably would have. Do you remember what you told me that night?” you asked, wondering if she would remember it as clearly as you do.

She smiles playfully, “Hmmm….what did I say…Let me think…” she says, tapping her finger to her chin. 

“Wasn’t it something along the lines of, ‘I’ll love you forever Jacob Kiszka’…” she says, tilting her head to the side. 

You laugh, as your eyes meet hers. “Yeah, that was exactly it. Do you know how many times I replayed that memory in my head? Just wishing I could hear you say it one more time?” you say.

“Probably as many times as I did. Thought of that night all the time. I knew you loved me. I could feel it in the way you touched me. I knew no one else could love me like that. I was right.” she smiled, running her hand down your leg. 

“Will you? Love me… like that again?” she asks, nervously.

You tilt your head to the side and smirk, “Are you asking me to take you back to the backseat?” you laugh.

“Yeah… Like old times.” she says innocently. 

You purse your lips together, stifling back a smile as you open your car door and walk around to hers, quickly shuffling her from the front seat to the back seat through the pouring rain. 

You join her in the backseat, dripping wet, and giggling. You find the lever to lay down the seats, and let them fall until the backseat is now flat. You grab her feet and pull off her boots one by one, before removing your own. It had been a while since you’d done anything in a car, the space was cramped and unfamiliar, but there was a certain nostalgia swirling in the air around you and you let it guide your every move.

You slipped her arms out of her coat, throwing it over the front seat as she pushed back further into the car. “You know, we haven’t really touched each other in a few days…” she says, pulling her shirt over her head. 

“Kind of hard when you’re in a house full of people who are also your family.” you laugh.

“I know, I just…miss you. Miss your touch.” she says, laying back onto the black seats. 

“Everyday has been a struggle. Believe me.” you laugh, pulling your own shirt over your head. “Thought I was going to have to wait until we got home.” 

She laughs and pulls your neck down towards her face, connecting your lips in the kiss you’ve been thinking about all day. The rain is pouring down onto the car, the hum filling the air around you in a continuous buzz. 

You pull away from her just enough to speak, “Baby?” you ask, feeling your lips moving against hers. 

“Yeah?” she breathes.

“You know if you ever… don’t want to…we don’t have to right?” you ask, hoping that she does in fact, know that.

“Of course, Jake. I know you would never…” she says, eyes piercing into yours. “But right now… I do.”

You connect your lips with hers, cupping her cheek in your hand as you rest your weight on your arm, over her. 

Her fingers find the button of your jeans, pushing them down your body as she fumbles with her own. Your free hand leaves her cheek and pulls down her jeans, giving her the freedom to kick them off into the floorboard. 

Your eyes catch her tattoo, your fingers running over the darkened skin. “Do you ever regret it?” you ask.

“At one point I did, a little, but only because it hurt so bad to think that it was all I had left of you.” she pauses. “But now, I couldn’t imagine it not being there.” she says, pulling you back down towards her. 

Your hand slides down between the two of you and over the top of her lacy panties, feeling the warmth settling between her legs. Your fingers hook into the blue fabric, pulling them to the side as you let your fingers slide through her center. A satisfied hum leaves her lips, as you let your fingers dance delicately over her clit. 

It's evident to you just how many days you’d gone without being intimate in some way, when you feel your dick start to pulse between the two of you. Your fingers slide up her stomach and to her tits, scooping your fingers into the cups of her bra, pulling the fabric down enough to let them both spill over. You lower yourself to your elbows as you let your lips connect to one of her nipples, basking in the taste of her skin. You feel her hand reach between the two of you, wrapping around your length, stroking it a few times to let you know she is ready. 

You push up onto your knees, inching your way forward to align yourself with her opening. Pulling her panties to the side, you press forward into her, inhaling deeply until you feel yourself fully seated inside of her. You rest on the palms of your hands, feeling her hands wrapped around your back. 

You let her adjust to you, her eyes never breaking contact with yours as you feel her start to squirm underneath you. You begin to slowly roll your hips into her, making sure to hit that special place deep inside of her with every fluid movement. Breathy moans fill the car, and the windows begin to fog, the heat radiating from your bodies, causing both of you to sweat. You wrap her leg around your waist as you quicken your pace, watching her tits bounce with each thrust. You knew you could never live without her. Never live without this. You didn’t want to, and neither did she. 

Your name fell from her lips as she came the first time, tight and perfect around you. You continued to work her, greedy for another orgasm by your own doing, watching her writhe around you as you snapped your hips into her time and time again. 

As you looked down at her, you were transported back to that day in the backseat, this same look on her face. Happy, satisfied, full of love. You’d never grow tired of seeing her this way. The way only you could make her feel. 

“Can you do it baby? Can you give me one more?” you ask, pressing further into her. 

“I think so. Just don’t stop. Please don’t stop…” she begs.

“I’m not going to stop. I’ll never stop. Never stop giving you what you want.” you pant, snapping your hips into her furiously.

“Jake…” she says, her eyes clamping shut. You know she’s close, you can feel her walls fluttering around you, causing you to twitch inside of her. 

“I feel you, baby. I fuckin’ feel you pulling me in. Want me to fill you up, baby? Fill you up just like you like?” you ask, knowing you’re both seconds away.

Her leg wraps around you pulling you in tighter, “Please. All of it. I want all of it.” she whines. Her lips connect to your ear, biting down gently on your earlobe as you feel her release wash over you. A moan leaves her mouth as she shakes with pleasure. 

“Yeah, that's it… Just like that…” you hiss, feeling her tighten around you.

With a strangled moan you fuck into her one last time, painting her insides with the evidence of your release, her name falling from your lips as you come down from your high. She pulls you on top of her, forcing you to rest your full body weight on her as you feel yourself beginning to soften inside of her. The two of you lay there for a minute, hearing the rain finally begin to let up as you catch your breath.

“I swear, with everything I have, that I will love you forever Jacob Kiszka.” she says, pressing a kiss to your lips. 

And just like that a new memory became your favorite. 

After redressing and making your way back to the front of the car, the two of you sat for a while longer, talking about your plans to return for Christmas, and even a brief mention of her birthday. You smiled to yourself as she talked about it. You couldn’t wait to give her the gift you bought her. 

The sky had grown dark, and you both had to pee, so as you began to back out of the tree covered hiding spot, you spun in your seat, suddenly feeling your phone buzz in your pocket. You pulled it out and handed it to Y/N, letting her read the message aloud to you as you drove the two of you home. 

Josh

7:24pm: I know you two snuck off. Dinner is almost ready and mom is looking for you.

You both laughed, knowing you definitely should have told someone where you were going. But you were pretty sure he already knew exactly where you were, and exactly what you were doing.

“Just text him back that we’re on the way. He isn’t dumb.” You laughed as she typed the words, and handed your phone back to you. 

You held your phone so that you could watch both the road and the screen, while also keeping it shielded from her. You opened the band group text. 

You

7:28pm: 911 

Almost immediately, Josh responded. 

Josh

7:28pm: Here?? 

You

7:29pm: Looks that way. Keep an eye out & make sure dad locks the doors tonight. 

You slipped your phone under your leg, and took her hand in yours as you drove.  You refocused on the road and getting back to the safety of your house as soon as possible. 

—

HER POV

Everyone gathered around the table one last time for a meal together, everyone reassuring the parents that you would be back next month to celebrate Christmas together. Danny and his family had joined, as well as your parents, too. One big happy family. 

You felt content, much better than you did earlier in the day. Jake had a way of bringing you back down to earth every time you flew too high, and though you had built up so many walls around yourself, he continued to vigilantly break them down, piece by piece. You knew in your heart he would never stop. And you’d never let him. 

He met your gaze across the table over the candlelight as he lifted his glass of wine to his lips, his dark eyes glittering in the ambient glow. His little peach fuzz of a mustache was prominent in the dim light; he hadn’t been bothered to keep up his clean shaven face while you’d been here. And you had to admit, it suited him. 

He looked grown for some reason, tonight. He had on his casual suit jacket that fit him just right. He seemed to stand a little taller, sit with a little more poise. You saw him so often that sometimes you forgot to look at him. And right now you were looking. He looked mature, so sure of himself. Like a man. And you were undeniably and deeply in love with him. He sent you a wink over his glass, licking his lips as he did so. What a flirt. 

Sam, on the other hand, hadn’t spoken much to you all day. You thought back, and he actually hadn’t spoken much to you since you fell asleep on the floor last night. You knew your conversation had been touchy…reminiscing on the time you spent together wasn’t something you’d brought back into general conversation yet. You didn’t feel strange about it, though. You wondered if you had overstepped any boundaries. 

After a delicious dessert and a few more bottles of wine, everyone decided to go to bed early, as your flight was leaving at 7am. You gave your parents a long genuine hug, not wanting to let them go as they put on their coats to leave. 

“I love you guys. Hopefully we will be here for longer during Christmas, and we can have a few days together. Just us three.” You smiled at them, knowing that some time in your true home might do you some good. They were overjoyed at the idea. 

“We love you, sweetheart. And we’re so proud of you. And happy for you and Jake…it’s been so wonderful seeing all of you together again.” You mom gushed as your dad kissed the top of your head. 

“Don’t forget to text me when you land back at home, okay?” Your dad said. “I mean it, young lady.” 

You laughed. “I promise, dad. I love you guys too. Drive safe.” With waves and kisses blown, you closed the door behind them. 

You laid down in bed with Jake a while later, feeling sleepy enough to pass right out. You let yourself relax into his comfortable, worn-in mattress that you had come to love so much. 

You turned on your side to face him, laying with his hands over his head, “Goodnight, baby. I love you so much. I had lots of fun this weekend.” You said as you kissed him right on the lips, not lingering too long, so as not to let it turn into something neither of you could stop. 

“Night, darlin’. I love you too. Can’t wait to get back to my bed though, so we don’t have to sneak around anymore…Make lots of noise…Gonna love you so good and so hard when we get back home…” he mumbled, falling asleep as his words trailed away. 

Back home. 

———

JAKE POV

It was just after 11:00 am when you pulled into the driveway of your house. The warmth of Nashville greeting you promptly as you sloughed your coats into the back seat. As much as you both loved going home to Michigan, you had grown to love Tennessee too. It was your new home, and after traveling the world time and time again, you truly couldn’t picture yourself anywhere else. 

It didn’t take much convincing to get her to come back home with you for the night, but truthfully she had spent most nights with you since Chicago. Neither of you really wanting to be apart from each other longer than you had to. The nights you were apart, were spent making plans for the following day. 

You opened the trunk of your car, pulling out both suitcases, and rolling them up to the front door. It had been a long day, waking at 5:00am to make it to the airport, then the long anxiety filled flight home for her… The both of you were ready for a nap, and that was just what you intended to do after things were settled. 

You unlocked your front door, as she joined you on the porch. You let the door swing open, and quickly typed in the code for the security system, as she shuffled in behind you with the suitcases. You took them from her, rolling them into your bedroom, as she followed behind and flopped down onto the fluffy bedding. 

“Glad to be home?” you ask, from your spot on the floor. You unzip the metal suitcase, and begin to pull your items from inside. 

“Happy to be vertical.” she laughs. 

“I know baby, let me get these bags unpacked real quick, and then we can take a nap, yeah?” you offer. 

“Okay…” she groans, flipping to her stomach to watch you over the edge of the bed. 

You begin to sort your clothes into piles of clean and dirty, putting away the clean items as you came across them. You grabbed your toiletries and made your way to the bathroom, putting each item where it belonged before stowing your bag away for another few weeks. 

When you returned to the room, she was scrolling through her phone as she twirled her finger through the ends of her hair. You smiled to yourself at the sight of her lounging so comfortably in your bed. 

You unzipped her suitcase and were met with far more color than you were used to seeing when you opened up a suitcase. Unpacking the clothing, you threw the items you knew were dirty into the pile with yours, and folded the clean items on the floor next to you. When everything was sorted you pulled the clean items into your arms, and made your way to your dresser, stashing them in a newly empty drawer. You wondered if she would notice, completely enthralled with her phone at the moment. 

You grabbed the pile of dirty clothes and walked down the hall before depositing them into the washing machine, and starting the load. As you walked back into your bedroom you glanced to see if she was watching you at all, and she wasn’t. Completely zoned in on her phone. You bent over, scooping up her myriad of bathroom products and placed them in the bathroom next to yours. 

As you placed each bottle and container, you felt your chest grow warm at the shared counter space. You didn’t want it any other way. Neither of you had talked about it, but consider this your test run. You smiled to yourself as you dropped her toothbrush into the cup with yours and made your way back to the bedroom. You rolled the two suitcases into the hallway, locked your front door, and turned off the lights before returning to the bedroom.

You pulled the curtains shut, effectively darkening the room and causing you to yawn. You tugged your shirt over your head, and kicked your jeans off, before pulling back the duvet. She jumped up out of the bed, walking to the center of the room, looking around for her suitcase. 

“Wait, where did mine go?” she asks.

“Oh, I just unpacked it. Did you miss all that?” you laugh. 

“I guess so, I was just catching up on work emails to see what I missed while we were gone.” she says. “Wait, so where did you put it all?” she asks.

You slide into the cold sheets, resting on your elbows as you point to the old antique dresser in the corner of the room. “Third one down.”

Her face blushes a shade of pink as she makes her way over to the dresser, pulling the drawer open slowly and looking inside. 

“This isn’t all of it?” she says, holding up a few items. 

You laugh through a smile, “I know. The other stuff is in the washer. I’ll switch it over to the dyer when we wake up.”

“You’re washing my clothes? How– how did you know what was clean or dirty?” she asks.

“I don’t know, intuition I guess. Tried to remember if I saw you wear it or not.” you answer. “I probably should have asked, I just thought…”  

“No, no, it’s fine…thank you babe…I just…don’t know how I missed all of that. I was really out of it I guess. I didn’t even see you clear out this drawer. I feel bad. Where did you put all of your stuff? I can just keep my stuff in my suitcase until I go home... You didn’t have to do all of this…” she stammers on. 

“Hey…” you say, connecting with her eyes. “I cleaned out that drawer weeks ago…you just never left anything for me to put in it. I don’t want you to live out of your suitcase when you’re here, or even a bag for that matter. I want your things to go in there. To live there. I want to see your perfume on my bathroom counter as I rush out the door. I want to see your toothbrush sitting next to mine when I grab for it in the morning. I want to search the house for your missing sock that somehow didn’t make it into the dryer. I want my sheets to smell like you because you steal them in the middle of the night. I want to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at midnight in front of the fireplace because I know they are your favorite. I want you here if you want to be here. Because to me, it doesn’t feel like home when you’re not here...” you trail off. 

She pulled a t-shirt from the drawer, and pushed it shut slowly before returning to stand at the edge of the bed. You could see the wheels spinning in her head, as she shed her clothes, and pulled the t-shirt over her head. 

“I’m not asking for all the time. I’m just asking for sometimes. Just a few things here to make your life easier. I know you need your own space and so do I. I just… like seeing your things around, is all.” you offer.

She pulls back the sheets and climbs in next to you, instantly sliding into your arms. She snakes her arm around your stomach, and hitches her leg over yours, letting out a deep sigh against your chest. 

“Okay…” she breathes, almost a whisper. 

“Okay?” you repeat.

“Just a few things.” she says, and you can feel her smile on your chest. 

You kiss her head, and squeeze her tight, a silent thank you. Your heart swells in your chest at the thought of her things mixed with your things, and you wonder to yourself when those things would make the switch to ‘our’ things.

Her phone buzzing on the nightstand has both of you turning to look at it. She rolls off of your chest and grabs her phone, sitting up as she reads the message with a furrowed brow.

“All good?” you ask, noticing her hesitancy. 

“I don’t know…It’s a message from an unknown number.” she says, showing you the screen. 

You blink a few times to adjust to the brightness of her screen, as you read the message. 

Unknown

11:43 am: A Michigan girl at heart, but Tennessee seems to suit you. And what a lovely home…

You feel your breath catch in your throat as you read. “Do you know who that is? One of your friends get a new number, maybe?” you ask, swallowing nervously. 

“No. I don’t think so. What does that even mean? A lovely home?” she asks, confused by the intent of the message. 

“You know what, it’s probably one of our fans who did some weird shit and found your number. Wouldn’t be the first time this has happened to one of us. Just block the number, love.” you say, trying to remain calm. 

You roll over to your nightstand, grabbing your phone and setting your security system. You hit Arm, and rolled over back to her, watching her block the number as the security system beeped in the distance. Thankfully she seemed to be significantly less concerned about this text than you were, so you stayed cool and let your fingers rub her back as she cuddled back into your side. 

You stared at the ceiling watching the fan spin around in circles as you listened to her fall asleep on your chest. From the outside all was well, but inside your head, every warning bell and whistle was going off on full blast. Things had just progressed to the next level. Contact had been made. You knew it wasn’t just a friend with a new number, and you knew it wasn’t a crazed fan. 

It was Andy. 

And from the sound of it, he knew exactly where she was.

.

.

.

.

.

.

. 

Chapter 16

Taglist:

@gretavansara@jordie-gvf-admin@starshine-wagner @eyelinerjake@gretavanfvckface@gretavanmoon@misshunnybeebee@fretaganvleet@gvfpal@joshkiszkas@ascendingtostardust@raviolilegs@sammysprincess@gvfpal@objectsinspvce@lallisonl@gvfpal@raviolilegs@jaketlover@ascendingtostardust @indigostreakmorgan@jakemarrymeibeg@fakeplastiqtree@radmads-gvf @fwzco @katelynn-gvf @writingcold @jakesgrapejuice @jakekiszkasbabymama @emsfallingsky @gretavanbear @ejoygvf @beebloopbleep @mackalah @weneedsomehealing123 @reesetrippingthelight @lightmylove-gvf @wetkleenex-gvf@fulltimecynical@ageofbajabule@ageofsinners@indigostreakslut @profitofthedune @katelynn-gvf @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @joshskittytickler21 @mp0801@starcatcherry @samsbirks @darianh07 @cassiesgreta

#greta van fleet #greta van fleet fan fiction #greta van fleet smut #greta van smut #greta van fic #danny wagner #sam kiszka #jake kiszka #jacob thomas kiszka #daniel robert wagner #samuel francis kiszka #greta van fluff #gvf smut #gvf fic #gvf series #jake gvf #sam kiszka gvf #gvf #josh gvf #sam gvf #gvf danny #jacob kiszka #gretavangroupie #Samuel kiszka #jtk x reader #sfk x reader #sammy gvf #gretavanfluff #greta van angst #vigilance

[beary-rambles]

Ok so if you watched scream 4 Jill manipulates charlie into being with her and thinking he's her partner in crime then she kills him. So imagine that with Ethan you join him and date him you actually start to like him but kill and betray him in the end and get away or you can have reader die too if you wanna be extra angsty

Whatever it takes

Summary | You loved your boyfriend you really did, but did you love him enough?

Warnings | Carpenter!reader (tara’s twin), murder, angst, 1.6k wc, heavily jill coded reader

a/n | i loved writing this request !! i hope you like it sorry for the wait 😭

“You're an asshole!” Tara spits at ethan as he laughs, “I know!”

He turns to the other ghostface standing next to him with a smile, “Come on baby lets do this.” 

“Baby?” sam mumbles. The ghostface rips off the mask to reveal you. “y/n?” tara says in shock. “Hi tara.”

Ethan laughs, “God look at their reactions this is gold.” 

Your sisters watch in horror as ethan moves over to you and give you a deep kiss to which you smile when you pull back. “Its better than i could have imagined.”

You had always fallen into the shadows with your other sisters, Sam obviously had a mass amount of attention due to the Woodsboro attack, you would watch as people would come up and talk to her and scroll through hundreds of social media posts about her. 

You cant forget about tara. Who could? she wasnt internet popular like sam was but she was definitely popular amongst the people you knew. Everyone liked tara, of course they did she was funny and super pretty, basically everyone you knew has or had some sort of crush on her at some point and time like wes, amber, even chad. 

Then there was you. Tara’s twin sister. Nobody ever remembered you, there was sam, tara and, the other sister. You were fine with it at first but over time you grew to hate it, and hate them. Nobody ever seemed to notice you or even paid attention to you, not until him. 

You met Ethan early into your time at Blackmore University. You sat next to him during econ. You could see him stare at you out of the corner of your eye which got you thinking. When you turned to him with sweet eyes and sweetly asking if you could borrow a pen he melted and stuttered before giving you a pen and you gave him a sickly sweet smile to which he looked down and meekly smiled, he was so shy and sweet. He was perfect, exactly what you needed.

You two quickly became friends and soon enough started dating. When you two started dating your friends were happy for you, it was an easy transition since ethan was already friends with chad since they were roommates so he easily made his was into the friend group.

Ethan was quick to follow along with you. He had a troubled home life, never being shown any sort of love and affection as a kid and when he met you who showed him what it felt like to be loved it was easy to get him to do anything you watched him to just do he could please you.

You quickly learned ethan had very…. violent tendencies. He was more than eager to dawn the ghostface mask and begin to brutally, yes brutally kill the people he once called his friends. Anika, mindy, chad. It was easy to him, once he found out you hated them he began to hate them too. 

He was the perfect partner, doing all the heavy lifting because he didn't want you to hurt yourself which made you smile. 

You didn't truly like him. did you? you did. you found yourself having a warm feeling in your chest whenever he smiled at you, you would find yourself smiling and laughing after hearing his contagious laugh. it was dangerous. you never intended to actually begin to love him like he loved you when it got closer and closer to the time where you would end this you grew more and more upset. You hated it.

Before your sisters had even arrived, you had given ethan a big long hug, one he did not reject. He squeezes you tight like he always did as you bury your face in his neck, taking him in.”i love you ethan.” you can feel him laugh. “I love you too baby.” You pull back and kiss him deeply, he hums into the kiss and smiles, “i cant wait to celebrate with you afterwards.” You almost frown but nod your head leading him to give you a toothy grin.  

Sam watches in horror as ethan brutally stabs tara over and over infront of her, tears running down her face while shes sceaming for him to stop. Looking over at you her face grows angry, “Why are you doing this y/n please stop this.” 

You scoff youre growing more and more annoyed, “oh shut up itll be your turn soon.”

Ethan seems to be done having his fun with tara and he stands up turns back to you with a smile. “Fuck it felt good to kill her.” 

You barely take a glance at her dead body bleeding out with what must be twenty stab wound all over her. You smile and laugh at her empty and soulless eyes as sam hysterically continues to scream and cry.

Ethan turns to her and rolls his eyes, “god shut up.”

He turns back to you and smiles, “Your turn.”

You had told him he could deal with tara, he had his own aggression towards tara since she was always the one to pick on him so he wanted to be the one to kill her while you got to take care of sam. 

You give him your own smile and walk over to wear sam is sitting tied up and kick her in the stomach.

“You wanna know why im doing all this? why ive taken everything from you?” You run your knife along her cheek barely caring if she was actually listening to you over her tears. 

“because you took everything from ME.” you slash her arm and she cries out looking at you, “what are you talking about?” 

You scoff, “Its always been, oh sam and tara oh sam and tara but what about me! i have always been left behind, forgotten, left for last. Even my own friends i had made nyself chose you guys over me and im sick of it!” Another cut hits her along her stomach and she cries out in pain again. “once i slit your throat and watch you bleed out the news will think it was your fault, you went crazy and killed your best friends. But who will live to tell the tale y/n? im sure youre wondering. Me.”

Ethan thinks nothing if your words, glaring at sam as you make your way towards him and wipe a piece of dried blood off his cheek leading him to smile at you. Your hands shake and the grip you have on your knife grows tighter, “i have always lived in your shadow. in her shadow.” you point your knife now turned towards her dead body, “its my turn to be in the limelight and it would finally be my turn.”

You admire ethan for a moment, your eye's almost water as you stare at him, “and i cant share it. with anyone.”

The knife plunges into the side of his neck and his eyes widen as he stumbles back falling to the floor, blood pours out of his mouth and you move to stand above him.

“im sorry.” you crouch down and run your thumb along his cheek, he struggles below you, grabbing your elbows and staring at you with confused eyes which water. 

“im sorry baby, but i cant share my fame with anyone not even you. Im sorry.” 

You continue to watch and a tear falls down your cheek at his painful face, “i love you, I really do baby. forgive me.” 

With the last of his strength he reaches his hand up and cups your cheek, wiping the tear off your face before his hand falls and the light draining from his eyes. 

You frown, he was taking care of you and he did it until the very end. You rub your sleeves on your eyes wiping away any tears you had and stand up. Theres no time to mourn now. You had a job to do.

You turn over to sam, a new agression filling you body as you stalk over to sam. the knife covered in ethans blood tight in your hand.

It was her fault, everything was her fault none of this would have had to happen if it werent for her.

You lift the knife high and stare down at her ignoring any words she was saying or the tears running down his face as you slammed the knife down, hard, over and over and over and over and over. 

Admiring your handy work you check her pulse, feeling nothing you smile. it was over. but you cant celebrate yet, you make your way over to ethan trying not to look at his bloody face as you rip the ghostface suit off his body and throwing it into one of the empty trashcans and setting it on fire. 

You rushed around, you know somebody had called the police so you had to hurry, taking off your own outfit and putting it onto sams body, you had untied her and put the knives near her but not before stabbing yourself twice, “fuck” it hurt of course it did. it did make you smile, knowing that you were the one that caused sam to feel what you just felt but much worse.

You painfully drag sams body closer to where ethan was and take a minute to take a breath. 

You mess up your hair and slice at your arms leaving a couple of times hissing each time.

You can hear police sirens outside so falling to your knees and lay down on the ground, facing ethan. you smile, knowing he would be happy you had succeeded. 

#ethan landry #ethan landry x reader #ethan landry x you #ethan landry drabble #ethan landry oneshot #ethan landry imagine #ethan landry x y/n #scream vi #scream six #scream #jack champion #jack champion x y/n #jack champion x reader

[luvforemikai]

Meant to be

synopsis ~ paul and y/n have been together for some time now. making commitments most people dont. but those commitments might end up being too dangerous in the end when y/n's life is on the line.

warnings ~ pregnancy, death, blood (i think thats it. lmk if there's more)

-----------------------------------------

Y/N and Paul Lahote were seen as twin flames. Inseparable. Destined to be together. You both knew this too and never doubted it.

2 years into the relationship y/n had just found out you were expecting. This was a special moment for you because you'd always talk about how you wanted kids with paul. It seemed a little rushed to have kids at the young ages you were so both of you decided to wait. Now was the time. One pregnancy test changed your lives forever.

About one month in, y/n and paul were beyond excited to they started talking about baby names right away. "How about.. Lily for girl or Liam for boy.." Paul said. He wanted something simple. Basic. Easy to pronounce so there would be no problems down the road. "Mm no, i was thinking something more different. Like.. Natalina for girl or Hasini for boy" Y/n wanted something special. Unique. Rare. Known between only them. You didnt care about pronunciation. There was no problem with correcting people if they ever got it wrong. After all this was your first child together. Y/n wanted it to be special. Paul may have had a few objections with the name y/n chose. Something cultural so their child can always remember where they come from. Paul wanted short and simple names like Diamond or Rose. Either way, you still had 8 months to firgure it out so there was no need to rush.

"Paul! Lets go, we're gonna be late!"......"I'm coming! Do you really think I'd miss my babies ultrasound and gender reveal?" You both pecked eachother on the lips and head out the door, excited to find out the gender of your baby... "It looks like you two are having.. a girl!! Congratulations!" Said the nurse. We both were beyond excited. Paul kissed y/n on the forehead.

9 months into the pregnancy, y/n and paul were overly excited. Sadly sam had to pull paul for some patrolling. You didnt mind much, sam was really generous towards the two of you the entire pregnancy. Emily coming over helping you with the basics that you couldnt get done because of your swollen pregnant belly. It was a nice gesture. But that day you had to get out of the house. You were craving food badly. You asked Emily to leave so you could get yourself something to eat. "You go easy on yourself y/n. That baby will be coming any day now. Rest." Emily said concerned. "I will Em. Thank you, now please go, you've taken really good care of me". You two hugged and Emily headed out the door. You had a tough time slipping your shoes on but you finally did it. Heading out the door you got bad contractions that stopped you in your tracks. You decided to sit this one out and wouldnt risk it.

Sitting down watching tv, you get a text. You look at it and its paul.

P - "I'm gonna be coming home late baby, there's some rogue vampires in the area that we have to keep an eye on. I'll be home soon, hopefully. Keep the doors locked, and call me if you need help. I'll come as fast as i can. I love you."

This scared you considering paul was killable. Especially when it comes to vampires. But you remained calm and rubbed your swollen belly, smiling.

A few hours pass and you're in extreme pain. Contractions are closing in. You didnt think much of it, thinking it was simple braxton hicks. Up until your water broke. You called paul a dozen times but he wouldnt pick up. Afriad for you and mostly your baby, you called an ambulance, not caring about vampires. While medics were getting you on a gurnee, you grabbed a folded piece of paper on your nightstand, putting it in your pocket.

Here you were at the hospital, giving birth to your baby girl. Paul no where in sight. You're alone and surrounded by nurses. The last push and you finally see your baby girl. She had brown eyes and a ton of hair. She was sat on your chest when suddenly you felt a wave of drowsiness. Your lips started to turn pale and your eyes were rolling. The nurses called a code blue and brought in defibrillators to wake your heart. But it was too late.. the nurse took the baby to the nursery.

Paul is in the woods and shifts back into a human with the rest of the pack. They make their way to Emily's. When they arrive emily is there and she looks defeated. "Hey Em. Weren't you supposed to be with Y/n today?" Paul asks. There's silence between everyone and Paul's heart drops. "Whats wrong." "Is it y/n?" "Did something happen?" The pack members bombard emily with questions. "I got a call. Y/n was rushed to the hospital, something was wrong". Paul freaks and pulls out his phone. Seeing the dozen missed calls from y/n..

Paul storms into the hospital asking nurses and doctors where you are. "Are you paul lahote?" A nurse asks and she gives him a sad look. "Y/n had her baby but... she died of complications im sorry". Paul looks purely shocked. "What?" He asks. "I can show you to her if you'd like" the nurse says. Guiding him to your room. You lay there lifeless and paul breaks down. The nurse attempts to leave. "Wait. Is the baby fine, where is she" paul asks with tears rolling down his cheeks. The nurse guides him to a separate room where she then brings the baby in. She hands paul your child while he smiles. She then pulls out a folded piece of paper. "Y/n had this in her pocket when she was picked up in the ambulance. She made it known that we had to give this to you.". She gives him the paper and quietly leaves.

"Dear paul, the love of my life. If you're reading this, then things didn't go as planned. I was undecided on making this but if something happened to me i didn't wanna leave you alone and confused. You already know this but my mom died during my birth and the pain my father felt was too much to bear so he took it out on me. I dont want you to become that pain and sorrow my father was. So this note is your closure. If i dont make it please protect our baby girl like you once did with me. I want her to have a stable and loving family. Something i did not have. I trust that you'll be there for her through everything. Birthdays, boyfriends, marriage. Everything that i wont see. Please live your life knowing i died loving you with everything in me. Every date, every hug. Every kiss, has meant more to me than anything. You've made my life a thousand times better. And for that i would never forget you nor die without you on my mind and in my heart. I always knew we were meant to be, even in death. Now please. Be happy and dont hold yourself back. And tell our daughter, RoseEmika Lahote that her mommy died loving the very best of her."

Paul wiped a tear from his wet cheeks and smiled. Holding our daughter, he told her "Meant to be".

-----------------------------------------

Maybe i cried during this, maybe i didnt. Im pretty proud of this. Considering its my first fanfic and all

#paul lahote #paul lahote x y/n #paul lahote x reader #paul lahote x you #twilight #twilight fandom #sam uley #wolf pack #twilight pack #pregnant reader

[wnchester67]

S1E1

Q: What makes this episode so fuckin good?

Well, kind of everything.

As any good narrative should, this episode sets up (even if briefly) a normal, apple pie life, and then disrupts that normalcy in a big way. There’s this sense of dramatic irony as the viewer catches on to the foreboding feeling the show is doling out (flickering lights, the MUSIC, etc) and the characters remain unaware until it’s too late. Then, the best moment of the introductory scene, “Take your brother outside as fast as you can.” I really feel like this sets up the entire premise of the show, a thematic motif if you will, wherein Dean is his brother’s keeper (KIN).

The next segment of the episode sort of repeats the disruption of normalcy, settling the viewer into Sam’s life at school while creating this intrigue by setting him up as the estranged golden child. Then we get Dean’s introduction (which is the best fucking character intro possibly ever), aka the disruption of normalcy. I could talk about this for literally ever, but for now I wanna focus on one thing in particular: the dialogue. The writer's are presented with these complex characters and history and have like one scene to start revealing the important shit that sets up the rest of the episode, and they do that via clever, efficient dialogue between Sam and Dean. Most everything they say to one another either reveals plot or characterization, and does so in a way that feels really natural. My personal favorite thing about the dialogue is how it sets up this recurring theme of the struggle between wanting a normal, 'apple pie' life, and being unable to have it (and each brother's feelings on the subject, which makes me crazy). The dialogue for the rest of the episode is equally good at revealing who each of the brothers are, and how they were raised.

Now I'm gonna fast forward to the end of the episode, not because the rest of the episode isn't great (it's really great), but because the way the episode ends is a big part of what makes it stand out so much to me. Jess's death is the perfect example of a character death being necessary to move the plot forward. The show would not proceed the same way at all without her death happening when it does and the way it does, and the way it brings the episode full circle is just... as a writer I could actually piss my pants thinking about it.

In my opinion, while the middle bits of the episode are really good, its truly the beginning and end that make the episode such a stand out. It's the perfect introduction to the series, laying out enough information to let you know what's going on while still keeping a few cards close to the chest to keep you intrigued. I've already watched the whole series more than once, and every time I come back to this episode it's just really, really fucking good.

#i would love to hear other people's thoughts on the episode! #i'm gonna make a separate post on things i noticed about the boys and consequent headcanons and such #apologies ahead of time for the extremely unequal distribution of thoughts #sorry sammy... #the winchesters #supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #mary winchester #spn #castiel #john winchester #s1e1 #evie talks

[scarletsaphire]

This is the first @phandomholidaytruce I've done, and I got @darthfrodophantom! They gave some incredible prompts, with this one being for: "After a reveal goes poorly with his parents, Danny can't hide out with Tucker or Sam because they'd find him. He finds refuge from an unlikely source (surprise me on who that is!)" I hope you like who I chose! (Also there is something else for you in the end notes. Just something else I wanted to say. So. Be aware of that.)

Danny's life could be a lot worse. After all, he was still somewhat alive. Sure, he couldn't leave the house, and his parents were keeping a close eye on him after… what had happened. But it was fine. He was fine. He just needed to sleep it off.

It could be worse. That had been Danny's silent mantra for the past three years now, even if it didn't help much. If nothing else, it was always proved true. After the accident, it had been followed by "At least I'm not dead!" and then they figured out that no, he very much was dead, if not completely. That revelation had come along with the ghost attacks, where the mantra was completed with "At least no one's getting hurt!" Sam promptly got kidnapped by the Lunch Lady. She may have made it out largely unscathed, but that didn't mean it didn't count. Then the saying moved to "at least its only other ghosts I have to worry about." Then "at least its people who can defend themselves." Then "at least most people are supporting me." Then... well. It didn't stay on one concluding phrase for long.

Right now, Danny repeated the new phrase in his head, just like he'd been doing for the better part of a week. "It could be worse. At least they noticed my heart was still beating. At least they stopped cutting before they could stop it. At least they haven't turned me in."

It was true. Danny was sitting at the table in Fentonworks, with a spoon gripped in one hand and a bowl of cereal in front of him. His mother was by the counter, pouring herself a bowl. His father was at the couch behind him. They only looked at him when they thought he wasn't looking, with hands resting a bit too close to holsters to be natural. They talked at him, not to him, and it was always stilted half baked conversations, the things they felt they were supposed to say.

None of them had talked about it. Danny was beginning to doubt that they ever would.

It could have been worse. At least Danny still had a place to stay, even if he couldn't stop his eyes from wandering to the basement stairs every time he could see them, couldn't stop the feeling of his skin crawling along the lines where it had been peeled back and pinned down. He was still here, and he had to stay here, no matter how much his stomach churned just being inside these walls. It wasn't like he had anywhere else to go.

He couldn't leave Amity Park. He'd figured that out ages ago, had come to terms with it through many unwilling discussions with Jazz. It was too dangerous for him to leave while the portal still stood, and the portal wasn't going to close. Probably ever, if he understood the science correctly. He wasn't old enough to move out yet, and even if he was, he didn't have the money or time to be able to support him with. Mr. and Mrs. Foley might let him stay for a little while, but they wouldn't be able to accommodate him forever, and while Sam's parents could accommodate him, they would leave him on the streets the moment they thought Sam wasn't looking. Or maybe sooner.

Danny had no where else to go. But that was fine because he didn't need anywhere else to go. He was allowed to stay here, and he was fine with staying here, and-

There was a flash of metal in Maddie's hand. A scalpel, pristine and sharpened, glinting in the lights of the operating table. He couldn't see her face, hidden under a medical mask and the goggles she always wore, a face so alien that he couldn't quite compute that it was his mother slicing him open, his mother peeling his skin back, his mother removing his innards, his mother-

His mother dropped the spoon into her bowl of cereal and turned to face him. She wasn't wearing a mask, or goggles, and the hood of her jumpsuit was pulled down. She was getting breakfast. Danny was eating breakfast.

Or he was. The spoon he'd been holding was crushed in his hand, a mangled mass of unidentifiable metal. Danny shoved it in his pocket before either of his parents could notice.

Standing up was a painful endeavor. You didn't need to be a doctor to know that standing uses a lot of muscles in the stomach, and while Danny's stomach was no longer gaping open, it was being held together by sloppy stitches he'd done himself. It took every ounce of strength to pull himself up without crying, and the shambled half steps he started taking to the stairs brought tears to his eyes.

He mumbled something unintelligible. He knew by now that his parents wouldn't listen to him, but him saying something had them take their hands off of their blasters. Danny could feel their eyes burning into the back of his skull as he shambled to the stairs. They made no sounds of concern, no moves to help him.

A week ago, he would've described climbing the stairs as hell. He could feel his skin puckering as the stitches holding him together tore. He wouldn't call it hell now. Hell was the table in the basement. This wasn't even close.

Danny collapsed into his bed, trying to gulp down air without moving. It didn't work. It never worked. He tried anyway.

The handful of minutes it took for Danny's torso to go from burning, pulsating agony to only just below unbearable seemed to stretch out for hours. He didn't dare move, couldn't even think through the haze of pain clouding his mind. When it cleared enough for him to hear his own thoughts, they carried nothing good.

He wasn't getting any better. It wasn't surprising; he hadn't done anything to get better. He couldn't. He needed food and rest and ectoplasm, and he couldn't get any of that without giving up something of the other. Maybe if Jazz was still home, he'd be able to get her to cover for him. She'd always brought him the supplies he needed, no complaining or questions. At least, not until after he'd felt better.

Jazz wasn't here anymore. She was off in some other state, living her dreams of becoming a psychologists, and Danny was left here, with his parents, who wouldn't let him within 10 feet of the basement door, meaning he didn't have access to ectoplasm like he normally did. They wouldn't bring food to him, or even let him bring food to his room despite never caring before, meaning he needed to go up and down the stairs to eat anything. They would wake him up and insist on him coming down to eat three times a day, meaning he couldn't even lay there in misery. 

Sam and Tucker had noticed his radio silence a few days ago. Sam had snuck in through his bedroom window to check on him. Danny had barely been able to get a word out, hadn't been able to decide whether he wanted to show her what had happened or not, before his parents were in the room.

"Danny's just feeling a little under the weather the past few days," his mom had said with a smile. It felt more like she was baring her teeth.

"I'm sure he'll be right as rain soon enough kiddo!" his dad had said. He wrapped his arms around Sam's shoulders and guided her out of the room. She'd wanted to argue. Danny saw it on her face. Danny also saw how Jack's hand tightened just enough to draw her gaze back to him, just enough that even Sam bit her tongue.

At least they weren't making him go to school. He didn't think he'd make it five steps out the door before collapsing. Maybe that was why they weren't making him; it would raise too many red flags.

Danny was trying very hard to not think of himself as a prisoner. He wasn't a prisoner. His parents were just concerned, and showing it in a... less than ideal way. It was fine. Everything was fine. He wasn't trapped. Even though he couldn't leave, and could barely move, he wasn't trapped. He'd spent his whole life in this house, he couldn't be trapped.

Danny pushed the train of thought to the side, just like he'd done the other dozens of times he'd started to think that. It wasn't any good to dwell on things that weren't real. He needed to focus on doing something to help, which in this case meant getting better. He just needed to sleep.

That was easier said than done. The pain was still terrible, and the incision on his chest meant that he only had one option to try and get comfortable in. It didn't help that he already knew what was awaiting for him when he finally got tired or bored enough to fall asleep. He didn't think it was fair that he had already lived through that once, and his prize was getting to live through it over and over again every time he closed his eyes.

He didn't bother keeping track of how long passed before he slipped into sleep, but he knew instantly when he did. That was odd. Most of the time, he wasn't able to figure out he was dreaming until he was sitting upright, panting and grasping at torn stitches in a mixture of pain and desperation to feel his own, still beating heart. This time however, he knew he was dreaming immediately.

He wasn't on the operating table either, like he had been at the start of all of his other dreams. He wouldn't really describe himself as being anywhere, actually; he was surrounded by nothing but blackness.

Danny pushed himself up with his arms, and the world shifted with him. It was as if he hadn't moved it all, but the world had moved to make it seem like he had, interspersing spots of white that seemed to come out from behind nothing. It made his stomach churn and his head spin, and he brought one free arm to rub at his now aching temples.

"It seems as if I was correct. It is the little hero that needs saving this time." The voice was horribly familiar, and seemed to come from every direction at once. He should've known this was Nocturne's doing; the entire ordeal was covered in signs. 

Danny stood to his feet in a flash whirling around to try and find where exactly this other ghost was, but he was only met with more of the void around him, shifting in that same unfamiliar way. He pushed the nausea down further; he couldn't worry about that now. "What do you want, Nocturne?" He called into the abyss. "I've beaten you once and I will do it again."

"You have," the voice focused on the spot in front of him, and the abyss seemed to gather in front of Danny, coming together to form Nocturne. "That is part of the reason why I'm here."

"Why, you looking for a rematch? Needed to wait until the odds were stacked in your favorite?" Danny spit out. He didn't bother trying to transform, or to fight Nocturne as he was; it wouldn't do him much good. Instead, he focused all his energy on waking up.

Nocturne floated closer, clicking his tongue in disappointment. "You will not wake up until I let you. It's a waste of energy to try."

"I've done it before," Danny pointed out.

"When I was busy with the rest of your town, yes," Nocturne agreed. "I am not spread so thin this time."

Danny knew he was telling the truth. He could feel the power threading through the air, reinforcing the barriers of the dream even as he strained against it. It was comforting, in a weird way. At least now Danny knew that, when he did wake up, he wouldn't be met with a city wide sleep epidemic. Again. It didn't bode well for him right now though. "So you're what, trapping me here?"

"No," Nocturne replied. "Nor am I looking for a fight. I am here to offer you a deal, nothing more. Once I receive my answer, you will be free to go, if you wish."

Danny set his jaw and crossed his arms. "Fine. But if you don't let me out after, I’ll kick your ass here, and then I’ll kick you ass when I wake up too.”

“I suppose that is a fair trade,” Nocturne replied. “You are not safe in your home. You have not felt safe in your home for years.”

“Hey, that’s not-“ Danny protested.

“You cannot lie to me here, child.” Nocturne shut him down immediately. “Even if you can lie to yourself.”

Danny snapped his mouth shut.

“I have come with an option. A way for you to turn back the clock on your... situation and return to the way things were before. Or better, if that is what you'd wish.”

"...how would you do that?" Danny asked, narrowing his eyes.

"I will create it for you. Your town, your friends, your family. Whatever it is you wish, in your own world. You wouldn't even be able to tell the difference."

Danny rolled his eyes and snorted. "Yeah, cause that's not something I've heard before. Lock me in some imperfectly perfect make believe so you can take over the world or whatever, or so I can waste away without even realizing. No thanks."

Nocturne moved closer, the surrounding starscape moving with him. "Your town would be safe from me, and while I will be the first to admit I can do nothing for your body, I'd have hoped that by now you would have realized that you are far more than just the skin you wear. I am promising you more than just a reprieve from your current predicament. I am offering you an eternity with those you love, where you are certain to keep them safe and protected. The real them, tied to the same dream as you, in the same way. That is not the kind of safety you will ever be able to offer on your own. Is that not what you desire?"

Danny hated just how right Nocturne was. He hated how tempting the offer was even more. He'd be lying to himself if he said he hadn't worried about the state of his friends once they'd moved away from Amity, that he hadn't paced his room worried about Jazz when she'd moved away to college, forcing himself to not run to the phone and try to call her again.

He shook his head anyway. "I can't just leave everyone else. I can't just live in a fantasy while who knows who does who knows what to Amity Park. I need to keep it safe, not whatever replica you're promising."

Nocturne floated closer, until he was barely a foot away from Danny, and lowered his mask to look Danny in the eyes. Nocturne's expression did not change. "You are a fascinating creature," he said, before pulling away.

"You're going to let me go now, right?" Danny asked, as Nocturne pulled away. "You said-"

"I am aware, child," Nocturne interrupted. "And I will keep my word. But I have something else to offer you, though this will require something from you in return."

"Why?" Danny asked. "Why do you care so much?"

"As I said, you are a fascinating creature," Nocturne said. Danny didn't like the way he said it. It made him feel like an insect to be studied. 

He decided that thought was better left unsaid. "Well, if you're just going to try and trap me in some other dream, I'm going to pass."

Nocturne pulled away, moving around Danny in a slow circle. "It will be nothing of that sort. You have made your stance on that clear, and I respect your wishes. But my powers can extend to the waking world. I can help you protect your little town far better than you are able to now."

That had Danny's interest, and his suspicion. He narrowed his eyes, rotating to keep Nocturne in his sights. "And how would you do that?"

"I can make the... recent events the dream, in your mind and your parents."

"What, so I won't remember it?" Danny asked. "That's not going to do anyone any good when I have this mess to deal with." Danny gestured to his chest.

"Tell me, child. How does 'that mess,' as you so eloquently put it, feel?"

It took Danny a second to figure out what exactly Nocturne meant. And then it dawned on him; it took him a second to figure out how the wound felt. He'd been hyper aware of it for a week now, constantly in pain, constantly tiptoeing around it. He'd spent every moment, awake and asleep, trying to do whatever he could to make it better. Now, he could barely feel it.

He still could. It still hurt. But it was a dull throb, the kind of pain he'd learned to push aside and ignore with years of practice.

"You will feel like this once you wake up. You will be able to return to your place as protector of your town. The wound will not be healed. You will still need to tend to it. But it will not interfere, and you should heal."

"And... my parents?" Danny asked.

"Their memories of the event, and yours will grow distant. You will all know that it happened, but become difficult to recall."

"Like trying to remember a dream?" Danny asked.

Nocturne tilted his head in affirmative, and raised his hand out towards Danny. "So tell me, little dreamer. Do we have a deal?"

Danny stared down at it. "You said there would be a price," Danny said slowly. "I'm not agreeing to anything until I've heard this price."

"Does it matter?" Nocturne's mask didn't move, just as static as it had been the whole time, but Danny couldn't help but feel like the smile was mocking him now. "If I was to tell you that the price was to serve me for an eternity, after you have no town left to protect, would you say no? If I gave you the ability to keep fighting, is there any price you wouldn't be willing to pay?"

Danny's breath caught in his throat. He wanted to say no. He wanted to deny it. But he couldn't. It was true. Nocturne didn't wait for his answer. Danny couldn't shake the feeling that it was because he already knew. 

"I have no interest in any of that." Nocturne pulled away, and Danny could breathe again. "All I am interested in is another set of hands with a brain attached. My sleepwalkers are helpful, but they cannot do much with my more delicate work."

"And... and you won't make me leave?"

Nocturne tilted his head. "I am more than capable of collecting your side of the bargain while you sleep."

Danny hesitated for only a moment. He knew he couldn't be locked inside as he had been for much longer; he refused to leave the town in Valerie's hands alone. He just couldn't.

Danny tried to shake Nocturne's hand, but when he tried to tighten his grip, he met no resistance. It felt like he had plunged his hand into a jar of jello straight out of the fridge, with nothing underneath it. He tried to pull his hand away, only to find that it was stuck. He watched as the tar continued to move past his wrist, and then up his arm.

He looked up at Nocturne in horror. He was still smiling. Of course he was. "What's happening?"

Nocturne tilted his head. "You truly are a fascinating creature." His voice was distorted, as if Danny was underwater. "Even I cannot keep the nightmares from finding you."

—

Danny awoke gasping for air, sitting up in bed suddenly. Despite his rude awakening, he felt... good. Better than he had in the past week, for certain. He wouldn’t quite describe himself as well rested, but he was certainly less tired that he was before. He glanced at the clock on his bedside table and blinked in surprise. It was late afternoon. He'd slept for six hours. A full six hours of mostly uninterrupted sleep. That was more than Danny could ask on any regular day.

The fact that he was sitting up took a moment to dawn on him, and then hit him all at once. His hand went to his chest. His pajama shirt was damp, though he wasn't sure if it was from blood or sweat. Despite this, he didn't hurt; at least, not as much as he should. There was still a dull throb through his abdomen, like he was pressing on a bruise, but no where near the pain it had been only a few hours previously.

The dream came rushing back to Danny all at once, bringing with it a sense of relief. He hadn't trusted Nocturne at any point in the dream. The fact that he was awake at all was surprising, but the fact that Nocturne had actually withheld his part of the bargain was even more so. Hopefully that meant that Danny could get back to his "normal" half-life quickly.

He reached over and switched on his bedside lamp. The dampness had been a mixture of both sweat and blood, which was better than just blood but still meant he had yet another shirt to burn. He changed quickly, faster than he had since everything had happened, and went downstairs.

Danny could hear the sound of his parents in the lab. He remembered how his heart would race when he would hear that, or even so much as look at the door. Now, he felt... maybe a little nervous, distantly, but nothing like the sheer, gripping panic he'd had to fight off before.

Going down the stairs was harder, but he needed to do it. He needed to prove to himself that Nocturne had followed through on every part of the bargain, not just where Danny was concerned. The metal was cold underneath his feet, a familiar feeling that helped to ground him. He peaked his head around the corner, taking in the lab.

His mother was standing at one of the workbenches, hammering away at a lump of something that Danny couldn't identify. His father sat at one of the desks, squinting at a piece of paper and mumbling to himself. They were working on normal projects, just like they always did. Danny cleared his throat to get their attention.

"Oh, there you are Danny boy!" Jack said, looking up from his papers with a wide smile. "We were beginning to get worried about you! Feeling any better, son?"

"Uh, yea, Dad," Danny said, fumbling over his words.

"Oh, that's wonderful!" Maddie said. "If you're hungry, there's some cans of soup in the cupboard, or you can order yourself takeout. You know how. Hopefully, you'll be feeling good enough to go to school tomorrow. Don't want you to fall any further behind, isn't that right young man?" Her tone was playful. Teasing. Something she hadn't done since figuring it out.

Danny stifled his sigh of relief, and shot her a smile, though she hadn't turned around from the table she was working at. "Thanks mom. I hope so too."

He turned around and made his way out of the basement slowly. Clearly, Nocturne had followed through on his deal, just like he said he would.

Let's just hope Danny didn't regret it when he had to do the same.

---

I am now talking directly to darthfrodophantom. Hello, I hope you enjoyed it, when I said you gave some really good prompts, I meant it. Your prompts have inspired me with two other fics that I would like to do at some point down the line, both gray ghost, one of them being a multichapter thing. If you are interested in me tagging you and saying "hey this was inspired by their truce prompts!" I can, if not, they'll be getting written anyway. I just wanted to make you aware of that fact.

#danny phantom #danny phantom fanfiction #danny fenton #nocturne dp #dp nocturne #starry eyed dreamer #tw dissection #tw gore #tw manipulation #phandom holiday truce 2023

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Do you mind if I ask your top 5 (or top 7) favorite BL and your top 3 (or top 5) favorite GL? And why do you love them? It can be from any media : books, manga, anime, manhwa, tv series or movies.....

Hard question again! I'm going to do 7 for GL and 7 for BL, again under the cut!

In no particular order:

GL:

Revolutionary Girl Utena - is including it on this list cheating since it's not primarily GL? I don't care, it's too good to not recommend. A teenage tomboy fencer gets 'engaged' to a mysterious girl by winning a duel, many more duels happen alongside symbolism, feminist messages and a really mature handling of topics like depression and abuse. REALLY dark though, but worth it! Deserves its place as one of the classic anime.

Bloom into you - incredible handling of internalised homophobia, first love, high school relationships both in the platonic and romantic sense and golden child syndrome. A heartwarming but occasionally heartwrenching story that felt very real. Bonus points for the author actually being a sapphic woman.

The Handmaiden - sapphic thriller from Korea set in the early 1900's! Dark but incredibly engaging, surprisingly happy and hopeful despite how much the girls have to suffer to get their happily ever after. The book it's based on, The Fingersmith, was also great!

GAP - Thailand's first GL series and got so popular there are now multiple other projects coming this & next year! The protagonist is a uni graduate hired in her idol's company only to discover the lady is both meaner and hotter than she thought. Lesbian crisis and full-on romcom shenanigans follow, though the series also comments on traditional family values in Thailand acting as an excuse for homophobia (the idol, Sam, is in an arranged engagement to a man as ordered by her grandma). Don't worry though, the show is mostly very fun and light & ends very very happily for the ladies.

Whisper Me a Love Song - look, as a former band kid I can't not mention the band lesbians manga. It's a highschool romance full of miscommunication and funny/cute shenanigans with occasional sadness to balance it all out. Very relaxing. It's getting an anime adaptation next year so looking forward to that!

Riddle Story of Devil - as an action series fan this was pretty incredible. A school full of assasins, everyone is sapphic and they're all badasses? High school me was obsessed and I still am. The manga is much better though, the anime is both way less gay and develops the characters much less due to the story being compressed into 12 episodes.

Legend of Yunqian - short fantasy drama from a small Chinese studio, it's about a regular young lady going back in time via a magic fan and falling for a magical warrior woman. Lovely and available on Youtube for free!

Honorary mentions: Flip Flappers (anime), Clear and muddy loss of love (novel), She likes to cook and she likes to eat (manga & TV series)

BL:

Heaven Official's Blessing - come on, it's incredible. Dark fantasy with immortal love that breaks even the most powerful curses, a complex and deeply human protagonist, a lot of emotional moments and incredible use of flashbacks to slowly reveal his backstory to the readers- what's not to love? Just a warning, when I say it's dark fantasy I'm not kidding. The series has funny and light moments but when shit gets real, it gets REAL.

No.6 - just like RGU isn't technically GL, this isn't technically BL but I am gonna talk about anyway, it's incredible. It's a dystopian sci-fi story about Shion, a teenager who discovers a government conspiracy and works to stop it alongside his new friend/love interest Nezumi. It treats the gay relationship super casually, there's no sexuality angst or anything, it was super refreshing! Read the novels though, the anime compressed the story a lot.

The Untamed/Mo Dao Zu Shi - love the intrigue, love the main romance, love the fantasy elements! My first Chinese series and one I hold dear for introducing me to the wuxia (Chinese fantasy) genre. Any version of the story is great but I'd recommend to start with the series and then read the books.

Kinnporsche - it's deeply insane and I love it for that. Everyone is gay, everyone commits crimes (they're in the mafia, so. Yeah) and it makes for a really entertaining show even if its darker elements aren't always super well handled.

Not me the series - Motorcycle gang of young anarchists against corruption! Very radical and critical of capitalism and the police system, engaging and fast paced. The director/showrunner is a trans activist/filmmaker so it's not like she doesn't know what she's talking about. It's very universal so I'd recommend it even to people who normally don't watch BL. One minus point for minor queerbaiting with 2 side characters, nothing major but it did bother me a bit + felt unnecessary in a series full of queer characters.

Cherry magic - queer office romance + mind reading! If that combination sounds interesting please do check it out, it was super cute. Bonus for very realistically human protags and an explicitly aroace side character.

Semantic error - opposites attract-type romance between an introverted, collected STEM prodigy and an extroverted art student partnered together for a project. The protagonist is autistic and written pretty well so I latched onto the show immediately, bonus points for side queer representation (bi character who's a super cool and pretty lady, love her).

Honorary mentions: Word of Honor (series), Yuri on ice (anime, only homoerotic sports anime to make the gay explicit, iconic), Nobleman Ryu's wedding (series, short but v heartwarming!)

#bqcb asks #mod speaks #mod's favourites tag #(tag for questions like these)

[nescaveckwriter]

Stethoscopes & Triangles - Chapter One ❤️‍🩹

Sam Winchester x Reader (Aka - Amy Summers)

A/N: Heya bugsie 🐞, here is another fanfic, about Sam & Dean, was requested by a beautiful anon 💕 (I hope you like it darling)

Side Note: Thank You Bugsies for the love and support, I'm open to take more requests, as writing is one of my favourite things to do

Warnings: Death, Swearing, Angst, Hospital Scenes, Fluff

Code Blue!!! Code Blue!!!!

"Dammit!!! The kid keeps coding, come on buddy, pull through for me" she whispers while standing over him, giving him chest compressions.

"Doctor Summers, its no use, its been more than 15 minutes, he's gone!" The male nurse exclaims.

Her eyes throwing darts, "Dammit Jeremy! The kid is only five, we owe him, we have to try just once more."

Shaking his head in disbelief, agitated he says, "fine do what you want!"

The sweat on her forehead is visible, determination evident, "1...2...." Counting the chest compressions underneath her breath.

Standing back, while they place the defibrillator once again! Seeing the little boy's body jolting up and then down towards the bed again, is just one to much.

"Stop! Just stop it! He's gone, there's nothing we can do now!" Her voice stern and emotionless.

Calling the time, while removing her cloves, and letting it fall to the ground, walking out of the emergency room! Walking towards the parents, ''Mr. and Mrs. Rogers, I'm so sorry but unfortunately your son didn't make it'' her voice disinterested. Walking away till the sobbing off the parents becomes more, and more distant.

''Dr. Summers is truly a very cold person, don't you think Judy?'' his voice bitter.

Scornful she replies ''Jeremy, we are not suppose to talk about other people that way, especially not Dr. Summers, she is absolutely amazing at her work'' 

''Just because she's great doesn't mean she needs to be such a jerk'' he mumbled bitterly.

🐞°•🐞°•🐞°•🐞°•🐞°•🐞🐞°•🐞°•🐞°•🐞°•🐞°•🐞🐞°•🐞°•🐞°•🐞

Staring at herself in the bathroom mirror, her bangs  still clinging to her sweaty face, her ocean blue eyes now, a distant grey, looking tired, trying to fight back the tears, cursing herself mentally for failing the little boy, recalling the crushed look on his parents face. Biting her tongue, the taste of blood, awakening her senses. Cupping her hands, bringing some water to her mouth, swooshing it around, then spitting the slightly red-pinkish water into the basin. ''Man Up Amy! Stop being a failure, you're such a disappointment to me'' hearing her father's gravelling voice in her head. 

Hearing the chatter of nurses coming closer, locking herself in one of the bathroom stalls, their voices fruity, but hushed ''That Dr. Summers is real something, she's so cold, how that hot hunky boyfriend can actually love her, blows my mind'' 

''Tell me about it Claire, what he sees in her, I have no idea, yes she has beautiful long black hair, and those blue eyes, and quite a fit physique as well, but her personality is so cold and distant.''

''Oooh I'll take that gorgeous looking man any day'' 

''Oh yeah, we'll be a better fit anyway, our personalities is warm and friendly, not like hers.''

''They don't call her doctor cold for nothing'' laughing as they walk away.

    Tears staining her velvety cheeks. ''Get yourself together Dr. Cold'' mocking herself. Unlocking the door, walking to the basin to wash her face. Dabbing the paper towel over her face, her mouth curved into a smile, revealing the dimples, Sam, amazingly handsome Sam, he always had a way of making her knees weak, ever since they met in college, they disliked each other at first, her nature hard and cold, and his soft, empathetic and so gentle, they'll clash about every little thing. They lived opposite from each other, but it changed one night, getting a 'D' in chemistry, and freaking out about it, she sat on the stairs at three in the morning, knowing her father is most probably going to kill her, she felt a big gentle hand on her shoulder, his smoky voice, full of empathy, ''whatever it is, its going to be okay.''

The two of them sat till the sun came up, shared stories about their father's and how if affected them. He asked her out two days after that, revealing he had felt this way for the longest time, and they've been going strong for a little over seven years. Moving in together was the next logical step after college, building a life together while she was busy with her residency and Sam serving articles for his clerkship, didn't come without challenges, but they made it, both of them have their dream jobs, and their good at what they do, even if it interferes with their social lives and especially their relationship, but their still holding on and going strong. The pager alerting her, there's yet another emergency, breaks her thoughts. Tossing the paper towel in the dustbin, she runs off to the ER.

🐞°•🐞°•🐞°•🐞°•🐞°•🐞🐞°•🐞°•🐞°•🐞°•🐞°•🐞🐞°•🐞°•🐞°•🐞

Unlocking the door with its detailed appearance, he walks in. Peeking in to the kitchen, then to  the living room, shaking his head at the sight of her sneakers laying upside down at the armchair. ''Babe, were are you at?'' hearing her mumbling something that's she's in the bathtub. Peeping inside, the bathroom smells like lavender, the fragmented candles reflecting the glow on her fair skin, her long hair, tied up in a messy bun, her body drenched under the hot water and the white soapy bubbles, creeping up to her collar bone. ''Damn your beautiful'' his voice smoky and slight breathy.

''Hey babe, thank you, I missed you today!'' her voice tired. 

Knowing her like the back of his hand, ''Sweetie, hard day at work?''

Tilting her head towards Sam, revealing her greyish blue orbs. ''I lost a five year old boy today, due to a damn drunken driver.'' her voice heavy with emotion.

Concerned look on his face, his brows furrowed, ''Love I'm so sorry'' walking closer, landing a kiss on the crown of her head. Placing himself down on the floor next to the bathtub, taking her hand, stroking her lean fingers. His voice low, ''What can I do?'' 

''There's nothing you can do, babe, you being here is enough'' revealing the pain in her voice.

Looking up at her, stroking the tears off her dewy cheeks, knowing, that she's a strong women, but not really the cold person, she makes out to be. He whispers,  ''I'm here for you baby'' while kissing her softly. 

''Thank you love, I don't know what I will do without you.'' replying breathy.

A corner of his mouth lifted, ''Probably pass out due to hunger'' trying to lighten the mood, he suggests he'll make some dinner, while she relaxes a little more, and when she's ready, then the the food will be plated, and they'll binge, one of those home renovation shows she likes so much. 

''Sounds perfect thanks babe'' a soft giggle escapes her full lips.

Giving her a small kiss he walks towards the kitchen, wondering if she knows how much he loves and adores her, no one get's him like she does, that's probably why he is planning to ask the big question, once he's done working this big case.

🐞°•🐞°•🐞°•🐞°•🐞°•🐞🐞°•🐞°•🐞°•🐞°•🐞°•🐞🐞°•🐞°•🐞°•🐞°•🐞

Chapter Two Here :)

#spotify #sam winchester x reader #sam and dean #sam winchester #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #jared padalecki #jensen ackles x reader #benny lafitte #castiel spn #dean winchester imagine #eileen leahy

[maximumwobblerbanditdonut]

What to Do When SH Doesn’t Remember Details?

Men in Kilt season 2 was filmed in New Zealand 🇳🇿 between January and February 2022, and in Sam's memories of “Waypoints”, months later same year, he supposedly “wrote” the book (or was its ghostwriter 🤔 ) Sam mentioned his father, saying, “I have few memories of my dad, he left when I was 18 months old. I didn’t connect with him again until I was an adult.” Well, it’s not typical for people to have clear and detailed memories as early as 18 months.

But now, in Men in Kilt 2 this season, Sam is seen exploring New Zealand culture and in episode two, he learns about Māori tattoos and even has one drawn by the artist who created the design, which is supposed to represent his life in Sam's arm, he spoke on his father repeatedly with a different version Sam says: “My dad left when I was very young. Three years old. So, I didn't know him at all”

In "Waypoints," he described his father's absence and then how he got to know him much later. A turn of events after Heughan and her brother met his father in 2013, her father was ill with leukaemia and passed away from the disease. Sam and his brother were not present at his father's funeral. Sam was in his mid-thirties and didn't meet his father when he was in his mid-twenties, as he says.

This shows that challenging him to walk the West Highland Way for his book 📕 “Waypoints” didn't help him accept himself. This is important to mention, he not only can't clearly remember what he said before, but his few memories of him are like traces in the recycle bin that are restored when he wants to tell us another story, a way of not dealing with anxiety or pressure to perform. We'll wait for the sequel to his Clanlands New Zealand book and find the wee lads photo when he admitted that he “didn't know" his father's name growing up.

But, the proof that he knew his father’s name is on his birth certificate. If the natural parents are married or in a civil union, both must have their names registered. And Sam carries his father’s name. He may be confused and want to say that his father's name was not mentioned when he was growing up, which was not necessary, due to the circumstances, but it is different to say that he did not know his father’s name growing up because that detail would be incorrect.

Perhaps he had a trauma growing up without a father? But millions of children live without a father at home. He would not be the first nor the last. If he had a traumatic childhood, he needs professional help (not from his fans or his friends in the entertainment media) and does not change a private and personal part of his memory every time, wanting pity.

Some people who suffer from (C) PTSD or dissociative disorders (all from trauma) want your sympathy or pampering, special treatment, fear of being 'ignored', or “isolated”. But SH must stop turning a delicate and intimate situation in his life in front of the cameras into a drama that inspires pity, as a way of supporting him.

People confuse, this is not surprising, he already did it in a public forum when he promoted his book, it is not courage or vulnerability to talk about his most intimate things before the camera, he decided to speak without discretion, and it is not innermost because his beliefs and convictions change according to the moment.

Have you ever wondered how his elder brother feels if he also grew up without his father?

#MiK2 #Waypoints #MeninKilts #Starz

@shinycomputerqueen @scdenmark Yeah! Sam has been telling different versions since Clanlands 1. He also mentioned that he sparked an emotional reunion with his estranged father when revealed that he first met his father as an adult while he was on his deathbed. How can anyone explain this unique version? This was published in Scotland.

At its essence, this saying tells us it's alright to lie, omit the facts, or twist the plot for the sake of a good story. This is definitely an appropriate quote for SH.

@supermassivetragedy Regarding your observations, you hear him say... “three years” (not a few years) He is an inconsistent, unpredictable man, he does not behave in the same way every time a similar situation occurs. Regardless of the reason, it can be frustrating to hear the same stories with different, inconsistent movements. SH is a narcissist supported by fans and friends, who think he is “special” and try to make him superior and he buys it. However, there may be other underlying psychological factors that contribute to this behaviour, such as a need for validation or a desire to establish a sense of identity or belonging.

Parents do not abandon their children. Here the father left for some reason unknown to us and apparently also for SH. There can be many reasons why a parent left, but I doubt it’s because of the child. (he or his brother)

In your observation ..” perhaps his mother didn’t want her children to know their father”… I can understand that the mother does not want her husband in her life perhaps the partner never kept his promises or fulfilled their part of the deal, who knows? but these are not valid situations for a mother to remove a child from his father’s life.

It’s not about the birth certificate. It’s about a child who didn’t have help at home to recognise and remember the name of his father. Sam frequented primary school when was a child. In Scotland when you send your child to school you need the original birth certificate to enrol your child in a nursery or school. The school knew his father’s name, and They didn't have to hide that from a child, that's natural.

@shoutlandish As a fan, you are emotional and that affects your logical reasoning: the evidence is in front of you, and you can't admit that he has a problem. I don't know which celebrity you mean. SH is not considered a celebrity, that's for his fan club and friends. He is not a so-called “A-list” celebrity. I consider you to be mistaken. Few things in life cannot be taken lightly because there are no small accomplishments, and making mistakes can be expensive.

He can't bring up a situation he wrote about before and then change the facts. He has memory lapses in which he cannot recall certain events or information about himself. This was a situation part of his personal life history, not an illusion of his life choices, these are not stories from a storyteller that fans feel they should treat with humour, like everything related to SH.

As you said, the image of Sam does not fit, because he has not convinced or persuaded everyone, and what he says after this, nobody will care. That's sad, Thank you for visiting my blog 💙

@marglyns People have different opinions. The point is that differences of opinion don't always lead to fruitful discussions with SH fans. This often leads to heated one-sided arguments and results in difficult emotions, which I don't have towards SH. They are not the same. People have the right to have opinions and thoughts of their own without eagerly waiting for the approval of anyone from the SH fan club.

Opinions are not altered or painted, just to console some and not upset them, because his obsessive fans don't accept that he makes mistakes. He does good things but tarnishes them with his mistakes because he never received the proper training.

If you don't accept feedback, that's your problem, not mine. Just don't suffocate or force them to accept their inconsistencies. You have the right to disagree, just as I have the right to express mine on my blog. As I said before My blog my rules, Thanks for your visit 💙

[whereonceiwasfire]

Drabble prompt: Danny wakes up one day and everything is normal. Until someone asks what’s up with his teeth

Oh haha, this was a fun one! (I took a few liberties with it, I hope that's okay). Thanks for the request :)

Danny is fine. Danny is ok. Sure, maybe he just about died in his parents' ghost portal last night, but so far there don’t seem to be any adverse effects to getting nuked like a freezer-burnt Hot Pocket, which. Yay for him. And, besides, nobody was around, nobody actually knows that he accidentally turned the portal on with himself inside of it, so...no harm no foul. 

That’s how that works, right?

Still, he’s jumpy, uncomfortable at school this morning. He doesn’t know what he’s expecting—Sam to turn around in her desk, her arm thrown over the back of her chair, her features turned on a knowing smile as she asks him, “so, Danny. Have any near-death experiences over the weekend?”  

Well. On second thought, that wouldn’t be the weirdest question she’s ever posed to him out of the blue. Maybe he’s right to be concerned. 

“Hey, Fenton.” 

The whispered words come with a gentle tap on his shoulder, and Danny lets out a startled shout, slapping his hands over his mouth as half the class turns to look at him with lifted brows and bemused frowns. Lancer gives him about fifteen seconds of attention before giving his patented I-should-have-been-an-account sigh, and turning back to the board to continue writing his list of hyperbole examples.    

It’s only then Danny twists a hesitant glance over his shoulder where the petition came from. Valerie is pursing her lips together as if to smother her laughter.

“Did you, ah, need something?” he asks through a cough, scrubbing the back of his neck. 

“I was just going to ask to borrow a pencil. Though you’re obviously going through it, so don’t worry about it,” she says, tucking a dark ringlet back into her headband and scribbling circles in the corner of her notebook, trying to get her pen to do more than leave empty gouges against the page. 

“No, that’s okay, I can lend you a pencil!” he basically shouts the words, fumbling with his pencil case and spilling his crap all over the floor with an enormous clatter.

The class just ignores him this time. 

With an awkward laugh, he stoops out of his seat to grab an extra pencil off the grimy linoleum—gives a broken smile, caught somewhere between a nervous grin and a pained grimace, as he hands it back to Val.    

“What is up with your teeth, Fenton?” she asks, a horrified crease at the corner of her eyes.

“What?” 

She arches a brow, wordlessly slides an orange compact across her desk to him. He accepts it, fumbling with the catch a second before it pops open, revealing the mirror inside. He turns back around in his seat, ducks his head, shields his face with a hand, and bares his teeth in the glass. 

What the heck? He has fangs. Since when did he have fangs? 

Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap. Could this be related to the portal thing? 

He gives a near hysteric burble of laughter as he slaps the compact shut and rapidly twists around to thrust the mirror back at Valerie. 

“Oh that,” he says, though the way his words pitch up in the middle makes it sound less casual and dismissive than he was hoping. He has no idea how he’s going to dig himself out of this, no idea how he’s supposed to evade suspicion, no idea what’s even going on with him. He just starts talking, hoping something helpful somehow finds its way out of his mouth. “My teeth have always been like that. I don’t even really know what you’re talking about. Fangs? Who said fangs? That’s ridiculous. They’re for a costume thing. I sharpened them. I’m a vampire buff? I mean. Teeth are so weird anyway, amiright? They’re bones outside your body? Like. Ew. Did you know that mosquitos have 47 teeth? Now that’s weird. Okay, you can keep the pencil, bye.” 

He turns abruptly forward in his seat, spine straight, chin high, gaze lazor focused on the board—lets out a breath and pretends to jot a few notes like nothing is even remotely wrong.  

Phew. That was close.

Good thing he totally nailed it.

#drabble requests #phanfic #no one knows AU sort of #danny phantom #danny fenton #valerie grey #mr lancer #im a classic overwriter i apologize #curious-crossover-questions #thanks for the request!

[piratespencil]

Elizaveeeeeth

My girl Veeeeeth!!!

First impression: The first time I watched an animatic with Veth in it I was smitten. Her voice? Her chaotic vibes? Instant favourite.

Impression now: Veth is my number one favourite CR character of all time. I've talked about her a lot on my blog lol but I just absolutely adore the way Sam plays her. She's hilarious. She has so much depth. She's a mom, she's a best friend, she's barely twenty years old. She's married, she's horny, she doesn't know how to choose between the life of an adventurer and the life of a housewife. She's in love with her best friend. She's in love with her husband. She's a little goblin girl. She's a halfling woman. She makes explosives. She's a proud member of the Chaos Crew. She's an alcoholic. She's scared. She would die to protect the people she loves. She loves children. She killed a baby manticore to get its mother's attention. She invented the Fluffernutter. She's so smart. She thinks she's ugly and not brave. She's learning how to love herself. She's my everything.

Favorite moment: Truly how can I choose just one... An early moment that has always stuck with me is when they're in Zadash and Nott turns herself in a halfling to just go to a cafe alone and have lunch and "be a normal girl". With the context of her backstory... ouch. Also Edith where is my son. And Your people did this to my people. All of the Nott-backstory-reveal stuff hits sooooo hard.

Idea for a story: I have sooo many but I'd love to write something about Veth watching Luc grow up over the years... Also something about Veth and Yeza's relationship, maybe the arc from their early romance to their relationship post-campaign in little snapshots.

Unpopular opinion: This isn't technically an opinion, but I feel like a lot of people forget how young Veth is? Like yes she has a husband and a child but she's like... mid-twenties? One of the youngest members of the Nein, actually. When people call her the team mom I'm like... she's a baby!!

Favorite relationship: I mean, Caleb and Veth. Of course. Their dynamic is everything. Truly one of the most interesting relationships I've ever seen played out in a ttrpg. I'm obsessed. (Second place goes to Veth and Jester, absolutely love their friendship.)

Favorite headcanon: I guess this is technically a Yeza headcanon, but I like to think that Yeza collected like... rocks and chemicals and science-y things as a kid, and he thought it was really cool that Veth had all of her little collections, too, and that's something they bonded over when they were young. :) Being the weird kids together.

(Feel free to send me more characters for this ask meme!)

#i assume elizaveth means veth lolol #anyways can you tell i love her sooooo much #critical role #cr2 #veth brenatto #nott the brave #kk talks about stuff #kk watches cr2 #ask meme

[kingcbras]

" get a grip on yourself , sensei. " part 2

Note: Daniel isn't in this part, its Miguel's and johnny's turn to have angst.

A week had passed since the tense encounter between Johnny Lawrence and Daniel LaRusso. The valley remained divided, tension simmering just below the surface. Miguel had grown increasingly restless, torn between his loyalty to Johnny and his growing admiration for the principles of Miyagi-Do.

One evening, after another exhausting training session at Miyagi-Do, Miguel found himself standing outside Johnny's apartment. He hesitated before knocking on the door, his heart pounding in his chest. The door swung open, revealing Johnny's weary expression

-

"Miguel? What are you doing here?"

-

Miguel swallowed nervously, his determination bolstering his resolve. He always hated him and sensei LaRusso continuously fighting, arguing what ever they did. It was time Miguel stood up and said something about it, Sam and Miguel planned this after the whole thing with the fight.

-

"Uh, Hey. Can we talk? I know you probably don't want to but this is . . . important. "

-

Johnny motioned for him to enter with his head , Miguel would walk in closing the door behind him and they settled into the living room. The silence hung heavy between them until Miguel broke it with shrugging his arms creating a slap when he puts it down from the air.

-

"S - Sensei , I know you don't trust Daniel. But I've been training with him, and he's - He's not like Kreese okay? . . . He genuinely wants to end this rivalry and help you become better person overall."

-

Johnny would chuckle, a small smile appeared but it was completely fake. His thoughts of Miguel leaving him from his rival haunted him all day long and now that Miguel said that he doesn't know how to feel. Miguel would wait for a response, Sighing softly and quietly knowing what his response might been since he knows johnny as well and a little more than Daniel because johnny told him A lot of stuff over the years.

-

"You're buying into his Miyagi-Do mumbo jumbo, huh? I thought you were smarter than that Diaz. Seriously, I told you ALL the stories and how I feel about him and his stupid karate. I'm surprised you even think its badass.''

-

Miguel met Johnny's gaze, his brown eyes sincere and unwavering.

- - -

"I get it, Sensei. I'm not asking you to forget the past. But holding onto that anger... it's only hurting us."

- - -

Johnny's jaw tightened, his emotions visibly battling within him. He took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as he leaned back against the couch.

-

"You've always got a way of Seein' things, Miguel . . . But this isn't some karate match. It's my life., and you don't know half the stuff of what is going on with me and him lately. It's best if you leave."

-

Miguel's voice remained steady, his eyes shining with emotion. A tear welled up, and he quickly wiped it away with the back of his hand. He met Johnny's gaze once more, his vulnerability laid bare.

-

"Get a grip on yourself, Sensei. You've changed, and - and ! you've changed my life. Please... consider what I'm saying.."

-

Johnny's gaze flickered back to Miguel, a complex swirl of emotions crossing his features. Miguel's unwavering belief, the sincerity in his voice, and the tear he had wiped away – they all struck a chord within Johnny, unraveling layers of stubborn resistance. Miguel stood up, his eyes locking onto Johnny's.

-

"Think about it, Johnny. For me. For us."

-

As Miguel turned and left the apartment, the room felt both emptier and fuller than before. The echoes of their conversation reverberated in Johnny's mind, stirring a mix of introspection and turmoil.

Johnny sat on the couch for a long moment, his gaze distant as he replayed their conversation in his mind. Slowly, he got up, his head still heavy with conflicting thoughts. He stepped outside, walking to the nearby store, his steps a little unsteady. He purchased a pack of Coors, his fingers tightening around the cold bottles.

Sitting on the curb, he opened a bottle and took a long swig. Memories, regrets, and hopes swirled in his mind as he stared at the darkening sky. He finished one bottle and then another, the alcohol providing a temporary escape from the storm within him.

The night air was cool, and the quiet of the moment gave Johnny a space to think. His head leaned back on the couch, his gaze fixated on the stars above. It was as if the universe held the answers he was seeking.

And then, as the echoes of Miguel's words resonated in his mind, a new determination flickered in Johnny's eyes. He crushed the empty bottles and got up, his steps steadier now. The weight of the decision he was about to make felt both daunting and liberating.

He also taught of what Miguel said about Daniel, but he tried to forget about what Daniel was talking about to Miguel and still tried to keep the hatred for him up with kreese. It was around 9pm now, 4 Hours has past after he said that, Johnny decides to run the streets under the influence breaking the law for the 100th time. He decided he would go to his apartment now and watch Rocky I. The anger he felt was clouded by the alcohol now but will soon be reflooded by the time he would wake up the next day for his training with his cobra students and Kreese the next day.

(this one was shorter because its 9pm almost 10pm TOMORROW IT WILL BE SUPER LONGER! will be on ao3 soon.)

SONG FOR THIS FIC PROMPT:

#lawrusso #fic prompt #angst #ao3 fanfic #johnny lawrence #miguel diaz #cobra kai #william zabka #ralph macchio #daniel larusso #miguel cobra kai #my fic #fiction #fic progress #fic promo

[watchingspnagain]

Rewatching Lucifer Rising

Welcome to “Dean Is a Cat and We Want Cheeseburgers: A Supernatural Rewatch Blog” with Lor and Mace!

Up today, s4e22: Lucifer Rising.

The cold open shows Azazel possessing a priest in 1972 and doing a ritual to speak to Lucifer. Luci tells him that he needs Lilith to break the seals that imprison him and that Azazel should look for a special boy. In the present, Sam and Ruby are after one of Lilith’s minions, planning to extract info from her and then have Sam drink up so he will be powerful enough to kill Lilith. Meanwhile, Dean is grump about Sam, and Bobby rips him a new one over it. Dean is then mysteriously zapped to a luxurious “Green Room,” where Zach and Cas explain that they’re keeping him safe because it’s inevitable that the last seal with be broken. Dean calls Sam and leaves a voicemail apologizing for being a dick, but the message Sam receives has been altered into an abusive rejection, which spurs Sam on in his plan. Back in the GR, Zach explains that heaven *wants* the apocalypse so they can bring about heaven on earth—and drops the fact that Dean is destined to kill Lucifer. Dean then argues with Cas that the angel *knows* that letting so many people die in an apocalypse is wrong, and Cas eventually comes round, in a bit of business that is approximately a floppitygillion times more homoerotic than it needed to be (we’re good with it). Cas banishes Zach with a sigil, tells Dean that *killing* Lilith is the final seal, and takes them to Chuck the Prophet to find out where Sam is. An archangel shows up to stop this, Cas stays to hold him off (die), and Dean goes after Sam. He’s too late, though. Sam kills Lilith, her blood flows through a weird spiral whoozit, and Ruby reveals that she’s been working with Lilith all along to bring this about. Sam holds Ruby, Dean stabs her with the demon knife, Lilith’s blood completes its journey through the spiral, and FADE TO WHITE.

Below is a log of our real-time reactions as we watched. Remember that there may be spoilers for any part of SPN’s 15-season run here. Note also that the nature of our conversation is adult and thus it may contain adult language and themes.

[and we begin:]

Mace:

oooh yeah the song

Lor:

YEP

Mace:

priests outfits are ridiculous sometimes

Lor:

RIGHT?

Mace:

i mean, if they want to wear dresses, just do it, man. no judgement. or at least much less than touching boys

Lor:

RIGHT?!

Lor:

this is why you put devil's traps in churches

Mace:

ha!

Lor:

their own fault really

Mace:

i’m not buying that these nuns are scared. they’d more likely be like, “Right, let’s gang up on this a-hole and do some EXORCISING”

Lor:

YAAAAAAS

Mace:

oh sweet BEAN

Lor:

especially the handful of older ones

Mace:

YES

Lor:

aw his FACE

Lor:

you better go hug him

Mace:

YES

Mace:

YAS

Mace:

maybe also a little light petting

Lor:

sure sure, just a little light petting

Mace:

he’s so SAD

Lor:

don't distract him TOO much he has a season to finish

Mace:

snork

Lor:

and it's his turn to be a mess, so

Mace:

Dean’s upset, his collar is extra popped to indicate

Lor:

"don't make me get my gun, boy." Bobby. He doesn't need shot he needs kicked up the patootie

Mace:

it IS his turn

Lor:

LOLOLOLOL

Mace:

HAHAHA

Lor:

look, Dean. eat a cookie, go to therapy, and put on your hunter panties

Mace:

YAS

Mace:

give him that tough love

Lor:

YAAAAS BOBBY

Mace:

HAHAHA BOBBY

Lor:

"you stupid STUPID son of a bitch"

Mace:

I was talking to Lor, but okay

Mace:

YES

Lor:

LOL

Lor:

"no. you sound like your DAD"

Mace:

“you sound like your dad” OFFSIDES

Lor:

GET HIM BOBBY

Lor:

LOLOLOL

Lor:

"you are a better man than your daddy ever was" AAAAAAAAAA

Mace:

YAS

Lor:

CAS

Lor:

time for what? smooches?

Mace:

HAHAHAHA

Mace:

MMM burgers

Lor:

what is that on the table? a lure Holy Grail? like in Indiana Jones?

Lor:

yeah but it's the "uh oh something's wrong" beer

Mace:

HAHAHA

Lor:

"you're looking fit" PISS OFF, ZACHARIAH

Mace:

omg SUITE LIFE

Lor:

YES

Lor:

"tempting. weird"

Mace:

HAHAHA

Lor:

"bail on the holodeck" I love him, the little nerd

Mace:

from a kid’s show to ST. wow. impressive

Lor:

he has range

Mace:

he really does

Lor:

"well work harder"

Mace:

so bossy

Lor:

Iiiii'm okay with it

Mace:

Cas isn’t. that’s his job

Lor:

until Cas is ready to step in. he can stand in for now

Lor:

LOLOLOL

Mace:

HAHAHAHA

Mace:

ooo the stutter. sweet DeanDean

Lor:

YES

Mace:

aw, he listened to Bobby

Mace:

good boy

Lor:

"I'm not Dad" you take that talk from Bobby to heart, Dean

Lor:

YES

Mace:

oh Sammy

Lor:

right?

Lor:

poor dude

Mace:

GET THIS

Lor:

well, demon, the editing suggests Sam

Lor:

YAS

Mace:

HAHAHAHA

Lor:

oh Sam

Mace:

right?

Lor:

LOLOLOL DEAN OMG

Mace:

omg DEAN IS A CAT

Lor:

YES HE IS

Mace:

Cas is looking particularly prickly and gorgeous today

Lor:

HE IS

Lor:

"fine. I'll go with you" sigh

Lor:

he will say that so many times and it will get more and more devoted each time and I LOVE IT

Mace:

YES

Lor:

Dean was right, Sam. he was just a monumental jerk about it

Mace:

HA

Lor:

lol the way he checks the wall to be sure

Mace:

HOWLER MONKEY

Lor:

LOL

Lor:

"you don't want to stop it, do you" and it aaaaaall suddenly makes sense

Mace:

this guy is so good

Lor:

oooo I hate Zach and the actor is so good

Lor:

HA! YES

Lor:

oh Dean. he's so worried

Mace:

is that a painting of Michael between them in the background

Lor:

I think so (ED: unless it’s Lucifer? *shrug*)

Mace:

that’s fabulous

Lor:

and it might even be on purpose this time

Lor:

ah

Lor:

"where's god in all this?" ooof, Dean

Mace:

yeah

Lor:

I love the little wing sounds when Cas shows up

Mace:

YES

Lor:

"he's gonna do it to himself" GAH

Mace:

ooof

Lor:

"WE’VE BEEN THROUGH MUCH TOGETHER YOU AND I" my A03 handle!

Mace:

HAHAHAHA

Lor:

LOL the punch

Mace:

YES

Lor:

"you know what's real? people. families" oooooo I never realized that much much later when Dean asks what's real and Cas says "we are" it parallels this

Mace:

oooo NICE

Lor:

you tell him, Dean

Mace:

YES

Lor:

he just wants to give you whatever your little heart wants, Dean, keep trying

Mace:

YESYESYES

Mace:

they stand so close to each other I LOVE IT

Lor:

RIGHT?!

Lor:

*kisses whoever blocked this on the top of the head*

Mace:

“we’re done” but then when he looks back and sees Cas is gone, he’s so heartbroken

Mace:

GAH

Mace:

BOYS

Lor:

YES

Lor:

OMG NO

Mace:

RIGHT?!

Lor:

I FORGOT ABOUT THE FAKE VOICEMAIL

Mace:

STUPID ANGEL ASSHOLES

Mace:

GOD I WANT A CHEESEBURGER

Lor:

oooof and it being what Dean said that made him pause and then what he thinks Dean said pushing him over the edge

Mace:

omg Cas pushing Dean against the wall NNNNGGGG

Lor:

I'm sorry what? my brain went offline when Cas pushed Dean against the wall covering his mouth

Lor:

YAS

Mace:

HAHAHAHA

Lor:

YES CAS

Mace:

HOW do people deny Destiel exists after a scene like that?!?!

Mace:

willful ignorance, clearly

Lor:

I genuinely have no idea

Lor:

blindness? homophobia?

Mace:

HA

Lor:

like, these two start eyefucking the first time they're on screen and never stop?

Mace:

RIGHT?!?!

Mace:

homophobia and dipshittery

Lor:

"we're making it up as we go" AND DEAN'S FACE

Lor:

YEP

Mace:

YES

Lor:

I feel like maybe they should have read? something about all these seals?

Mace:

right?!

Mace:

poor Sammy

Mace:

fell for the honeypot

Lor:

he really really did

Mace:

he needs comforting, but after he gets a good slap upside

Lor:

yeah

Mace:

omg the Dumbo reference is perfect

Lor:

"you had it in you the whole time, Dumbo"

Lor:

YES

Lor:

"I don't care"

Mace:

YAS

Mace:

Sammy’s FACE

Lor:

i mean, she should have known that big brother Dean was gonna kill her for what she did to Sammy. pay attention, Ruby

Lor:

YES

Mace:

yep

Lor:

and his VOICE when he says "I'm sorry"

Mace:

Sammy has SUCH a good little brother face here

Lor:

YES

Lor:

omg I LOVE that it fades to white

Mace:

YES

#watchingspnagain #watchingspnagain 4x22 #spn #supernatura #spn meta #spn spoilers #spn 4x22 #watchingspnagain angels #watchingspnagain cold open #watchingspnagain consent #watchingspnagain editorial asides #watchingspnagain sam's blood drinking #watchingspnagain season finale

[camels-pen]

ride to the end

Summary: The kids are taking a school trip out of state. They try to pass time on the early morning train.

based on @summerssixecho's prompt "Oh, no, I thought you meant the red vial." and @ave-aria's prompt "Post Reveal: Team Phantom plays Never Have I Ever with the A-Listers. Things get out of hand very quickly. (Bonus: can include Valerie)"

Ao3 Link

An early morning train ride in the middle of November—where it’s dark outside the window and you can only vaguely see the outlines for things thanks to streetlights dotted here and there when you pass over a bridge, near a street, or through a train stop—is pretty peaceful, all things considered.

The passengers are quiet, getting an extra few hours rest before they reach their stop and the trip can begin. Most passengers anyway. 

Sam and Tucker sit across from you, a deck of cards on the table. Valerie sits next to you, taking the last empty seat at your booth and flipping through one of the books assigned for English. The people in the booth across from you sound awake too, but your eyes are drawn to the glass.

You want to talk about how you could only really see your surroundings if you allow your eyes to fall out of focus. How the more you try to pay attention—the more you try to squint—the less you could see the outdoors. How you could only see your reflection in the window, otherwise.

You want to talk about how nice the world is, out of focus. How looking out, but not looking too hard, would let you experience it in a way that seemed never ending. How the continuous visuals of vague outlines of trees, rivers, and changing landscapes could make you think there was no final stop. That you could stay on and ride until you were ready to leave it behind. Ready to take the next step on your journey, wherever that may be.

You want to, but you don’t want to sound weird.

So until you reach your stop—the real one that you are, in fact, headed towards—you huddle further into your thick sweater, tuck your hands deeper into your pocket, and listen to the rumbling chink cha-chink of the train running along the tracks beneath you. 

The smell of hot food makes your stomach rumble. Your attention draws to the aisle. A woman offers boxes of breakfast made fresh in the kitchen car not long ago. You and your friends take some. The group across from you—the A-listers, surprisingly—take some too.

The woman leaves. Everyone starts to eat. There’s more than one person complaining about the choice of food and portions. 

“Shoulda had more meat,” Tucker mumbles, digging into the sausages.

“Should’ve had a vegan option,” Sam says, peeling open a package of apple slices.

“Or display all the food as a buffet,” Paulina says quietly, stifling a yawn as she pokes at her meal. “It would literally solve everything.”

Everyone else mumbles some kind of agreement. You and Tucker both hand Sam your fruit cups and hash browns. Valerie does the same.

“‘M not gonna finish all this. And I really hate how these taste.” Sam used her fork to nudge away the fruit cups. 

“Trade?” Kwan asked, holding a bag of baby carrots. At you and your friends’ staring, he shrugs. “Mom always makes me bring a healthy snack.”

Sam agrees. And like they were all waiting for permission, each of them starts to toss food back and forth, you included. You are one of the first to stop. They continue on. You start on your meal. While you chew, you try to look at the others the way you did the passing scenery, but it doesn’t work as well. The outside world was nicer, out of focus, but the inside world had its charm in the details.

Valerie’s scattered papers on the table, each with her name messily written at the top. Tucker’s PDA and stylus, speckled with bits of scrambled eggs despite how careful he tries to be. Sam’s palms, smudged with what was almost certainly soil from her garden. Each one of the A-listers’ tired faces. The different bedheads they all—minus Paulina—are sporting. You drink it all in. You find comfort in it. Your friends are relaxed and the trip out of state would mean they would stay that way for the rest of the week, no worry of ghosts coming to interrupt them. And you find comfort in the details of the others, too. That despite how high and mighty they like to seem, despite how carefully they craft their images, they are human. Just like you.

Long after your plate was clean, you continued to enjoy it. And it was all well and good until everyone else had finished their breakfasts and you all were left with a pile of fruit cups that no one wanted to eat.

The thought of wasting food doesn’t sit right with Sam and Kwan, and after seeing—and starting—one too many food fights, Dash is certain Lancer would yell at them for it. None of them wanted to deal with that and neither did you; it wouldn’t be a good way to start the trip.

So, they plot. 

Dash suggests pelting some of the other students with them, so they get caught with the food instead of us. Tucker says he just wants to hit unsuspecting nerds with it and he doesn’t deny it.

Kwan, with Sam’s approval, suggests putting them away in their bags to take home with them or eventually give them to someone who does want to eat it. Valerie rejects it and says something about not wanting her homework to get all sticky.

Star asks why they can’t just return the fruit cups to the kitchen car, since they’re still sealed. Paulina says it would be rude to just return the food, and besides she’s got a better idea.

You watch quietly as Paulina passes out one fruit cup to everyone. She sticks her straw through the lid of her own. “Never Have I Ever. Instead of taking a shot, you drink a sip of the juice in the cup.”

You feel a hint of disgust just thinking about it. The others look to feel the same. “I’m in,” you say.

The A-listers, either emboldened by your choice or bored out of their minds, are soon to agree. Tucker shrugs and agrees as well. Valerie, when prompted, gives her own distracted agreement, nose buried back between the pages of Lord of the Flies.

Sam groans. “I’m really gonna hate this.” She agrees anyway.

The minutes tick by. You become a little more awake while playing the game, laughing at specific scenarios meant to target friends. You try to do the same with Tucker and get more than a little offended when he turns the tables on you.

“Never Have I Ever been turned into a half-ghost!” he whisper-shouts.

You grumble and try to take a sip, but you’re sucking on air. You smirk. “It’s a shame, but I’m out.” You hold up your cup and shake it a little. Tucker squints at it. “Guess, we’ll have to end it there.”

“Nuh uh, not how it works, Fenton,” Dash says. “You gotta drink first. Anyone got some fruit juice left?”

There was a chorus of “no”s and with the light from the sun quickly peeking up over the horizon, you’re sure you’re gonna be home free. Dash tries shaking everyone’s cups just in case and you turn back to the window, wanting to savour the scenery again, now that it is easier to see. You miss the near pitch black of the early morning, but this—this was good too.

Dash makes a sound of triumph. Valerie makes a sound of protest. In his hands is a clear plastic bag with two vials. 

Valerie doesn’t want to lose her energy drink experiments to a dumb game. Dash says she can make more later, but that you need to drink one now to “preserve the sanctity of Never Have I Ever”. 

You didn’t even know Dash knew what the word “sanctity” meant. Honestly, you think he still might not. 

Valerie sighs. Rubs the bridge of her nose. “Fine, just give him the skinny vial.”

Dash hands you a vial. You’re hesitant to pop the cork.

“Aww don’t be a wuss. Where’s all that courage you have as Phantom, when you’re beating up ghosts twice your size?” You think he makes a good point, sort of. You still don’t want to drink it. “Just slam it back quick and you won’t even taste it.”

“Isn’t tasting it the whole point?” Star mumbles.

“You don’t… have to.” You look at Sam. She looks worried. “We won’t think less of you or anything.”

“Speak for yourself,” Tucker said. He raised a fist in the air. “Slam it home, Danny!”

“Slam it home, Fenton!” Dash and Kwan say.

And. Well. You can’t just not drink it now. 

So, you pull off the cork, ignore the upsetting smell, and chug it in one go. Dash, Kwan, and Tucker cheer you on.

It tastes. Bad. Worse than your mom’s ectowieners. You didn’t think that was possible.

It burns. Going down. A pain that spreads through your mouth, your throat, and—and your stomach. Ancients, your stomach. 

You don’t notice much else other than the acid-like burning. You clutch at your stomach. Someone shakes your shoulder. You can’t quite hear what they say to you. It comes out distorted and practically inaudible.

Somehow, this was worse than being surrounded by blood blossoms during your trip through time. You didn’t think that was possible.

Your vision starts to fall out of focus. You start to feel slower, too. One moment, you’re slumped on the table. The next, you’re laying sideways on the bench and someone’s hand is pressed against your forehead. 

“You gave him the blue vial, right?” Valerie’s fuzzy voice says above him.

Everything looks fuzzy. 

Dash answers, “Oh, no, I thought you meant the red vial.”

You think you don’t like the world losing focus like this.

#Danny phantom #phic #phic phight #phic phight 2023 #nemo the writing ho

[rubyarrows]

Promises of the Night

I had just returned home after a much-needed night out with Sam and Deeks at the bar down the road from the boat house. It had been a while since we all got out and didn’t worry what the case that was going to file in would be. A night filled with nothing but laughter, drinks, and a few dart games throughout the night. The worry of the day had melted off my shoulders throughout the night. But as I entered our bedroom, the sight that greeted me shifted my mood from relaxation to concern.  

YN was sitting on our bed, surrounded by her brother's case files and photographs. Papers were spread out haphazardly, and the dim glow of the desk lamp revealed the weariness etched into her features. She had fallen asleep sitting up, elbow resting on my pillow and her head being held up on her hand, her other hand clutching a photograph of her brother.  

I sighed softly, my heart aching for her. Dawson's unsolved case had become an obsession for her, a relentless pursuit of justice that often kept her awake into the early hours of the morning. She was bound and determined to find to S.O.B. that had killed her brother. Did I blame her? No of course not. He was an amazing brother-in-law and an even brother. But it had almost been 2 years since he was murdered, and we still had nothing to go on. I can understand the feeling all too well though.  

Gently, I began to collect the scattered documents and photos, carefully placing them back into their respective folders. Having done this many times before now, I know exactly what goes where to keep everything in order. It gives her the sense of having the smallest bit of control she needs to get through the day. As I moved the papers and photos off the bed and parts of her body, YNN began to stir awake.  

"G?" she mumbled; her voice heavy with sleep.  

I knelt beside her after placing everything in my hand back in its box, my fingers brushing a strand of hair away from her face. "Hey, honey."  

She blinked up at me, confusion giving way to recognition as she looked at the clock. "I didn't realize how late it had gotten."  

I continued to collect the scattered papers, my voice gentle. "Looks like you’ve been at this for hours, babe. Don’t you think it’s time to give it a rest for a while?"  

Her eyes welled up with frustration, her voice trembling with emotion. "I just can't let it go, G. Almost two years and we’re no closer than we were on day one. I have racked my brain on every possible person that I knew of in his life that he was close with and cross referenced everything that I had ever known Dawson to do or thought he would do. I can’t figure out a single detail we might have missed. On top of that, Dad has been constantly asking about it. I give him the same old, ‘Daddy, you know I can’t really talk about,’ but that only deters him for so long before he’s asking again. Mama can’t sleep at night. I just feel like I'm letting them down... letting Dawson down."  

I understood her pain, her need for closure. But I also knew that this relentless pursuit was taking a toll on her, physically and emotionally. Seeing my wife go through something I have gone through myself was never an easy feat, but she was there through all of it for me and I was going to be there for her in return.  

"YN," I said, my tone reassuring, "I promise you; we will find the person who killed your brother. But for now, you need to rest. You don’t have to do this alone; the rest of our team and I are here to help you. We’ve all been through something of a similar matter, and you were there for us. Let us be there for you. As your team member, it’s my job to watch your back. As your husband it's my job to watch out for your wellbeing. Let it rest just a few hours so you can sleep, eat, do the things you normally do. It can all wait till morning."  

Tears filled her eyes, a mixture of exhaustion and gratitude. "I don't know what I'd do without you, G."  

I took her hand in mine, my thumb gently caressing her knuckles. "You'll never have to find out, YNN. You're stuck with me till the end of time."  

YN let out a small giggle and I could see the exhaustion written on her face. “I would say something smartass-y but I'm too grateful at the moment to do so.  

As I helped her lie down, I could see the weight of her brother's case finally begin to lift from her shoulders, if only for a brief moment. I settled beside her, my arm wrapped around her, and as we drifted off to sleep, I held onto the promise I had made—to stand by her side, to support her in her quest for justice, and to provide the love and comfort she so desperately needed.  

#ruby arrows #ruby arrows imagines #ncis #ncis la #ncis x reader #ncis imagine #ncis fanfiction #ncis la x reader #ncis la imagine #ncis la imagines #ncis la fanfiction #g callen #g callen x reader #g callen imagine #g callen imagines #g callen fanfiction