#and its so nice bc we all work from home rn
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having one one of those days where the least bizarre thing that happened to me was seeing josh peck
#nice dude no complaints about him#i feel bad bc it was hot as balls in my work today#then when i was about to leave work a girl broke her arm#so i had to stay and call security to bring emts and then call my manager who of course had left to go see his baby (mama 🙄)#which THATS a crazy ass story too#BUT ANYWAYS#i waited for him to get there…finally making my escape….almost to the parking lot bc bestie is driving me home….#i hear a voice say ‘emma?’#so i turn around and…ITS MY BEST FRIEND FROM THE FIFTH GRADE#who i haven’t seen in probably a decade or more????#she’s looking all cute of course (her family was v rich and didn’t particularly like me💀) meanwhile im like sweaty and disgusting#she told me she’s visiting her boyfriend they’re going to the movies im like…oh a girl just broke her arm at my work#which….a mistake bc ik she is literally becoming a rocket scientist rn im working my sad job in the mall#choosing to believe she thinks this is my side hustle and that im not a total loser lollllll#just insane like we went to school together in PENNSYLVANIA and then she went to a private school so we grew apart#so why is she in my fucking mall 😭😭😭
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#vent post lol ////////////#i NEED to quit my job its destroying my mental health my emotional stability amd its genuinely putting a lot of strain on my relationship#but. i make like 2k aud a week. and im not paying any rent or bills so most of that goes straight into savings#we're saving for a house we only have tp get through another year anyway and then our visas run out#and if we get through it we'll be able to put a massive downpayment on a house and have a really small mortgage and basically be#chill financially for the rest of our lives. (i hope). but we have to get through it first#idk idk idk like is it actually worth it? yes obviously its worth it we're gonna be able to buy a house#but is it worth it?#it genuinely might not be#but idek what we'll do for a living when we move to europe and idek if i want to live in the country we're planning to move to#so i should have as much money behind me as possible when i get to that point to make it easier#but its destroying me. i hate it i hate it i hate it#i work 10-12hr days 5-6 days a week. outdoors. manual labour#and the main reason we save so much is bc we choose to live year round in the onsite accomodation they have for seasonal workers#most ppl stay onsite a bit but have homes in the area they go back to at the weekend or if they arent working too far away#amd we move sites a lot so we only stay places for a couple months tops#its alright rn bc we're staying at a site we really like that does feel like home (even tho the accom is just as shitty and industrial as#the rest) (well not quite as shitty as some but still . shitty) and we're here alone just me and my fiance#but next week other ppl are gonna come stay here and we'll probably be sharing the hut with 1 of them. our best guess is itll be#this one dude who is like . nice and all but hes like 65 years old. and i dont want to share a house with anyone apart from my fiance#especially not a man!!!!! but this is the price to pay for no rent#no privacy no personal space no putting down roots no sense of home no sense of community. no decorating my fucking house#idfk what to do.#delete later
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and of course since hes acting like hes normal and nice and like nothing shitty happened between us- you know i guess its not so black and white where this person is bad or this person is entirely good but i guess to me he is mostly bad. even though its confusing to think about and look back upon but im having some thoughts rn and idk its confusing. To me he is not a good person bc how he was to me. he can be the nicest person to other people but to me he was abusive. and i feel bad a lot where idk if its me or if i made him that way toward me or its my bpds fault and whatnot but regardless you should not be fighting your partner and his decisions and actions to be deliberately physically aggressive w/ me are on him. i think thats how i feel about it atm or how im trying 2 make sense of it. like yeah im sure hes a great guy to other people to his family whatever but to me he was not and thats ok if other people dont know that or understand its just something i have 2 deal with and move on and i think i am moving on more bc i havent been nearly as angry anymore the past week compared to a month ago, compared to 2 weeks ago etc. but i get scared i'm absolving him or something. idk if it matters. i guess u just go through something shit and traumatic and have 2 move on and even though there are still moments where im angry or have a vindictive part of me that wishes people knew how shit he was idk thats not how it works and closure isnt real and abuse is complicated. i guess. but anyway i was going 2 say lol that shortly after the breakup he was saying he saw my tumblr blog still even tho i changed my url and i was really paranoid hed get angry w/ me for talking about the breakup and the stuff that was coming out for me mentally like the abuse i talked about it more on here after i was out and processing and things were coming back up that id locked away. and he was like yeah i can still see ur blog but idc what u post haha - acting like im being silly or paranoid and being nonchalant about it and even insinuating that my followers have a warped view of what happened or something based on what im saying but he doesnt care idk. some bs like that. anyway and it just made me mad at the time bc i remember back in May of last year i had posted vaguely about getting into a "physical altercation" and we were both home and he confronted m in person and was pretty pissed and talking about some of his mutuals from discord follow me on tumblr and snatched my phone out of my hand and deleted the post lol. so it made me mad how he decides to act all nonchalant and like oh ofc idc what u post and idk how to describe it. but yeah that makes me mad lol. and i was slowly dying in that relationship and i so badly tried to stick it out the end of november even though when i look back on my mental and emotional state i see so clearly i was getting boiled alive just dying and idk. the relationship was bad for many reasons many reasons im sure i contributed to and i have to admit i contributed to but the abuse and trauma i went through it was messed up and i still dont have the answers for how someone who supposedly loved me could treat me in so many horrible ways but i know thats not how love is supposed 2 be or a relationship. yipee
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oversharing on the internet again lol
i kinda think i should break up w my partner and im super sad and confused abt it bc like. i love him very much and he is an incredibly kind person and is rly funny and attractive and all of these things and yet. i still feel like something is missing. like i never felt a magnetism to him or butterflies or anything like that? i would get excited when he'd text me and i would look forward to seeing him but i think i just need someone who matches my energy more? i'm definitely more outgoing than he is which is ironic bc i'm really not extroverted in the traditional sense. like i can talk to ppl plenty once i'm comfortable but it takes me a bit to get there. and truthfully being the more outgoing one in a relationship is not really a pressure i can handle. i'm also like, the only one who ever suggests we go out and do stuff. i genuinely can't remember the last time or if he's ever suggested we go out on a date, ever, and ik he doesn't mostly because of money which i get, and also bc he's very much the type of person who any quality time is good quality time and doesn't need to go out on dates to know that but it's really important to me and i've told him that and he's never done anything abt it. also when we do go out i usually end up paying for the both of us bc he's a full time student rn and i was working full time for a while and could kind of afford it but also like, no i couldn't lol. that's not to say he doesn't do anything for me ever, quite the opposite, really. like i don't drive bc Trauma so he has to drive an hour just to see me and he does it gladly, he's also given me so many rides to work before too. not to say we've been too transactional bc for the most part we've been okay about it but at the end of the day i think i just feel love on like, a bigger scale than he does, or i want a love that feels bigger than this. i am definitely more of a romantic than i let myself admit and idk i am so scared that i would be settling if i stayed with him.
but also generally i'm in an odd place w my life. i'm living at home again and i'm putting off my student teaching again so i can save up money and get my breast reduction and all that and i went through a whole career crisis bc graduating college in 2020 and starting grad school immediately that fall fucking sucked and i had wicked bad burn out that i'm still recovering from and i really struggled with whether or not with my love for music and if i still wanted to teach it. im finally in a place where i know its what i love and it's what i want to do, though, which is nice. i also need to restart therapy (doing so at the end of the month) and work thru my trauma so i can get my license bc oh man is it catching up to me and dealing w the guilt of ppl having to drive me places is slowly driving me nuts. so part of me is like idk maybe its not him maybe its everything else. or maybe its all of it. but it just feel like my life right now is so crowded and i just cant handle it all and my gut is saying i need space from him. but i'll miss him so much, too. fuck this fucking sucks lmao
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Hi!
I love your writing so very much but I have to go anon cause I’m shy hehe.
Would you be open to writing something about a superchub!Bucky and his doting bf Steve playing around with immobility kink?
Steve spending a day stuffing Bucky until he can’t stand up from the couch, getting everything for him so he never get up for the whole of it, taunting Bucky a little bit that if he keeps this up he’ll be too big to do anything for himself but eat (they’re both a little turned on by imagining it).
Idk if that is anything you might like, but I wanted to ask bc again I love your content!
Hey!
Thank you!! 🥰
And what else is the anon function on Tumblr for? Lol sometimes you gotta peak out between your fingers while sending someone your thots, I get it!
Would you be open to writing something about a superchub!Bucky and his doting bf Steve playing around with immobility kink?
One word: YES.
But also many more words than just one-
Warning for unbeta'd stucky belly kink with fantasy and real immobility kink, stuffing, weight gain, etc.
I love love love the idea of Bucky sitting and being doted on the entire day, getting fuller and fuller, packed tighter and tighter, belly getting rounder and rounder under that thick layer of fat 😳
However, you know what this made me think of??
It made me a think of a feedism post I saw forever ago and can't track down rn but it amounted to: wouldn't it be great if for a weekend we pretend I'm immobile? You bring me food. You feed me. You fuck me and do all the work. It's fun. It's hot. It becomes an every weekend activity. And then a vacation activity, a stay-cation in our house except... after it keeps happening, our role played immobility, eventually, I really become immobile. It takes a while for us to notice though. Because weren't still playing. So lost in the game. Until- it's not a game anymore 😳
Like, imagine that happening with this huge Bucky and Steve-? 🥴🥴🥴
It starts years back when Bucky just first gets a little, erm, husky from bulking at the gym. For this bulk he ends up not going to workout as much as he planned to because he gets super busy with work or whatever, but in his mind, he’s still bulking, so he eats like he really was bulking until… oops… he's gained like 15, maybe 20 lbs? Getting some nice fluff on top of his muscles and, oh, Bucky really likes the way it feels.
The way it feels being bigger.
The way it feels when Steve feeds him.
And he really likes this new kink he’s found on the internet while trying to figure out just how weird he was for liking those two things. Turns out... he's not all that weird. Theres a community of people around it, actually.
He introduces the kink to Steve and they dive into it fast. Steve remains a gym rat as they both were when they began dating, but he comes home and feeds Bucky until Bucky feels like he can’t move. Steve teases Bucky that he’s eating everything Steve craves but can’t have (that’s not really what’s going on, but the role-play of it gets them both hot so… what does it matter, whether its true or not?). And eventually, Steve teases Bucky that if he keeps stuffing himself, he won’t be able to move when he used to go to the gym twice a day. What a change. Bucky likes the change. He likes the idea of being pinned to one spot by his changes. He likes the contrast between all his soft, round fat and Steve's cut, hard muscles. Steve's fitness versus Bucky's fatness.
Bucky begs Steve to stuff him until he can’t move, he's so desperate to feel more of those feelings he's having surrounding his (sort of) new kink. His new body.
He begs and begs and begs.
And eats and eats and eats because Steve can’t resist his begging or his puppy dog eyes or his pouting.
With all that intense feeding, both stuffing on junk food and the red meat (for Steve's muscle/gains) and boost/gainer shakes, Bucky piles on weight criminally easy until he really is on the cusp of immobility because it takes so much effort to move. He’s so heavy.
And it's all Bucky wants for Steve to keep him as his pet glutton, unable to move and doted on by his ridiculously fit, strong, and capable boyfriend. All he wants to get larger and larger, fatter and fatter while Steve gets more fit- he's training for a marathon right now. The contrast between their bodies is endlessly sexy to them both...
They play with immobility a lot. It’s easier to play the closer it gets too.
So, playing, the most Bucky moves for a while is between the couch and the bed, heavy, plodding steps that take forever, winding Bucky while his boyfriend is right next to him, light on his feet and only breathing heavily because he’s turned on. Turned on by this because Bucky is turned on by it too; it being the heavy jiggle of all his fat as he shuffles from the bed to the couch, stuffed from breakfast in bed and now holding what part of his stomach that he can actually reach. Trying to hold himself together practically. He’s so round. He’s so stuffed but you can’t tell because his packed hard stomach is buried under all that blubber. And by the time he gets to the couch, he’s had to stop several times, pausing to gather his strength to get there.
Once on the couch, Steve brings him a gainer shake not unlike the protein shakes he makes for himself before he goes to the gym (but with about double the calories and more sugar) to “keep up his fluids”. Bucky guzzles it down like nothing. Like it's water. He’s still hot and sweaty from walking. Hot as in temperature and hot as in turned on... Steve is gonna have to use that gym-honed strength to lift his heavy, heavy tummy and fat pad up out of the way to get to his dick before long 🥵 Then, he can use his hands or put his mouth on him while Bucky rubs his upset, full tummy and contemplates how he could possibly get himself fuller. 🥴🥴 Ever hungry for the perfect feeling of being pushed all the way to his limits- about to burst he’s so bloated and full and heavy with it. Getting heavier the more he eats. The more he stuffs into his fat face.
But that’s the thing.
Bucky stays on the couch for the rest of the day- eating. He has snacks while sitting on the couch. He has lunch while sitting on the couch. He has more snacks while sitting on the couch. He has dinner while sitting on the couch. He has dessert while sitting on the couch. He… he tries to get up to follow Steve to the bedroom so they can sleep together, Steve cuddling as close as he possibly can to his big, fat, fucking huge boyfriend who's body is a pillow all over, soft, but-
Oh, shit.
Bucky moans. He can’t get up.
It’s not the first time he’s eaten himself into the inability to get up off the couch, so they camp out in the living room all night. However, it is the first time he’s done it by accident. Usually, when he can’t move from the couch to the bed it’s pretend, more of that role-play, or it’s planned in the day's events… an all-day stuffing that leaves him unable to move under the weight of all those calories. Now he just can’t move from a normal day of eating.
God.
That shouldn’t make him as hot as it does but… here he is. And Steve has to go and find his cock where it’s buried under all his blubber again.
...
In the morning - when he’s the lightest and his stomach is the least round it’ll be all day, not yet stuffed full - Bucky tries again. He grunts and then moans.
He can’t get up. 🥵😫
He can’t-
Fuck.
It’s all his fantasies (all the realistic ones) come true.
He’s eaten himself so big he can’t get off his huge, fat ass. He’s too fucking fat. So big. So large that Steve has to stretch himself out to straddle one of his huge thighs. So massive that he can’t touch the roundest part of his stomach, it’s grown out so big, so round. So vast that he’s got more than a double chin- three or four instead. So mammoth that he’s stuck in place, overwhelmed by his own body.
Steve is overwhelmed by his body too.
Sure, they could ease up and not stuff Bucky every hour (probably more like every half hour at this point) and he would drop enough weight quickly, it’s not like he’ll starve, that he could get mobility back in the snap of someone’s fingers but… this is too good. It's too good to be stuck on his huge ass with his only job to eat. It's not even his own job to rub his unbelievably massive stomach anymore. He can't reach all of it. So he can't do a good job of it. Steve has to do that instead. Bucky just gets to stuff his face and grow.
I went off-script from your prompt but I hope you still enjoyed it 🥰
#ask#belly kink#text#stuffing#weight gain#immobility#stucky#bucky barnes#steve rogers#chubby bucky#fat bucky#mylevisdontfitanymore
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Blue Beatle x y/n
Btw- y/n will be half Mexican and half European in this not that it matters but idk lol anyways but I just wanted to put European in there bc I’m 80% and I like to think I feel close to it 😭❤️ anyways here is a new story
also I wanted to say that im getting inspired by the stuff bc it’s SLAYINGGG FRRR
y/n pov
Huh…. I slowly open my eyes ugh I say as I realize it’s morning.. Y/N WAKE UP I hear my mom yell I groan as I roll out of bed and make my way to my closet, today is a big day my papa is coming back to see us he was out of the country for work I do wish sometimes he wouldn’t go out so far but he need to pay for the home it’s getting stressful for my mama and papa I can tell papa is rlly never home but- “Y/N COME ON WE NEED TO GO” I’m cut off by my mom “OK JUST GETTING READY “ I yell back I take a deep breath and sign.. ok here we go.. I look in my closet trying to find something acceptable, look good but comfortable I end of finding a cue blue dress that hugs my body perfectly
-(if y wanna see it it will be down at the end and if it’s not there that means I can’t find a way to put the pic there😭)-
it’s baby blue with little bots of white, I look at my self in the mirror and think perfect, I run down stairs to find my mom waiting for me with a face of only what ppl can say… excitement and disappointment but soon turns into a one of love and happiness “ oh my god y/n u look Beautiful..” I brush “ty mama” as I say that I smile softly “we will be going out to eat with papa soon after we meet him at the airport, but if u wanna fun and get a snack rn u can” moms says. I start to think and I will eat with them as a famliy “nah mom it’s all good” I say she smiles and grins and says ok let’s go we don’t want to keep him waiting” I grin and laugh and say “ok mama let’s go” we get into the car and start to drive to the airport mom starts to talk
“Yk that boy from down the street? What’s his name hmmm um Jaime? Is it?” She’s says
“yes mama what abt him?” I say
“well he went to college”mama say’s excited ! It’s crazy how big he has gotten I remember when he was just a little boy he’s has grown into his looks” I brush “mommmm “i say brushing “what its true u should two should start talking he’s handsome and nice she says” “what-“ I say “ok okkk ok I will stop now” mom says grinning we drive into the airport parking lot we park and get out of the car we start walking to the doors I’m so excited to see my papa it’s been so long 1 year feels so long to be without a parent his work has been hard he works a lot just to pass by and we love him and appreciate him for it.. I hear my mom gasps and I see my papa we both run to his and give him a big hug! Hi papa I say” hello my pretty daughter “ he says oh that’s a Beautiful dress” he says “ty papa I smile i turn around and I see- it’s Jamie going down the escalator wait what- my mom sees him to and says that “he is getting back from college and that we should go over and say hi” I brush “okkk” I say and we walk over to them “ hello Rocio it’s so nice to see u guys again” mom smiles softly “oh my goodness mary sits so good to see u again says Rocio” they hugs and start to talk abt Jamie and my dad starts talking to Jamie’s dad, I look at Jamie and he looked back and I rlly get to look at him… his hair is longer, he’s teller ofc.. and prettier to.. I didn’t realize I was staring until my mom says “y/n…?” I can hear her grin I mentally groan “yes mom?” I say mom says “I think maybe we should have a dinner with Rocios famliy don’t u think? “ “yeah sure “ I say i look at jamie and he says “ u look good” I brush and say “ty jamie”
YALL I GTG it’s 12:29 😍☝🏻 it’s tiring writing bc I’m list and it’s hard idk how y’all do it but ty and I will undate soon slayyy
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ummmmm guys. i have had a day let me tell you. super long diary like entry lol
i had to get up early to go see my papa and help him move some furniture, and although i was running on a total of 2 1/2 hours of sleep i was excited. he lives out in the city and its about an hour and a half drive but the highway is completely surrounded by trees so that was a fun ride. listened to lots of music and talked about barbies with my dad. we counted 21 total yard sales on the trip.
got home and ate lunch after unloading some beds. my papa wanted some old twin beds out of his house so we took them home. i have a new mattress now!! which hopefully means far less daily back pain!!
after lunch we decided to go to a few of the yard sales we passed by. and let me tell you i got a HAUL. i got a pair of really nice pajama pants that have little skulls on them, then at the next one they had SO MUCH STUFF!!! like guys.. i got a sweater for 25 cents.. GUYS. i got a little black sweater, a flowy black summer top, a fucking black velvet CAPELET, and the most gorgeous black 80s prom dress; although sadly it does not zip and needs alterations but its WORTH IT!!! it has really big poof sleeves and a massive flower sash omg guys its AWSOME. at the same place i also got a little fake ivy for my kitchen :D it desperately needed a little life, a big ass puzzle to work on with my brothers, and they had MOUNDS of vhs tapes... for FREE. soooo uh yeah. may or may not have come home with like twenty new tapes. oh yeah did i metion that i only paid like a total of six dollars so far?? i made out like a Bandit. final yard sale and the woman was like 'uhhhh $1.25.'. so for a $1.25 i got a peanuts drinking glass (i think from mcdonalds..), the entirety of firefly on dvd, and a ceramic angel. normally i do not go for religious imagery in my decor, but. it was like 102F.. i hadnt slept since my two hour night.. i was severely dehydrated.. heat exhaustion was setting in a little bit.. and i dunno, she just called to me. she reminded me of laura palmer.
okay, so i get home and unload all my of goodies, then i start cleaning my room. i have to disassemble my old bed frame and clean under my bed and shit. i already have a pounding headache at this point but i have schedule to keep. beds gotta be moved b4 tmrrw. so i am FIGHTING trying to get the frame apart, i'm all sweaty and gross and i finally get it!! :D i feel some stuff falling over behind me and b4 i can even look up i get whacked right upside my head loony tunes style with a huge metal beam :( i start feeling kinda funny and i vaguely remember talking to my brother who told me to lie down. i pass out cold and hard on the couch for about an hour. vague memories of seeing something in the room with me. not really important i just think you should know.
wake up to my brothers shaking me to make sure i havent DIED. i lived! yayyy!! ate dinner, and then it was time. i have been looking at this online auction for over a week now and it was ending in a matter of minutes. i did when some some stuff! i got the directors cut of JTHM, revenge of the filler rabbit, and some other comic which i cannot remember rn.. but anyways it was 5 bucks! and then i bought a snoopy wallet for a few dollars. although i did miss out on a clear phone.. so sad. but overall i had a very good shopping day today idk why. everything just like fell into my lap at affordable prices... like wow..
after the auction i still had not moved my new bend in (ya know.. bonk on da head) so i fight forever to get it put together. but yippeee!!! its al here! and i was given a new blanket to put on it which is very soft :3
anyways now im here after showing and watching x files for a bit.
if you read all of that.... wow. ily <3. i normally dont like to just like info dump about my irl daily stuff, but today was just so like action packed it was kinda bonkers. anyways i have to go to bed bc i have more stuff going on tmrrw.... and i honestly might just cancel them.. i am TIRED.
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HI SOL!! it's me 🎶 anon hehe (⌒▽⌒)♡ I'M FINALLY OUT OF THE SHADOWS‼️‼️💗 you can call me lavender or lav/ven for short^^ this is my primary blog but my side blog is @/lavendarl-ing where i'm gonna write 🫶
just wanna take this opportunity to thank you for all your encouragement and kindness 🫶🫶🫶 i admire you and your work so all your words really meant a lot to me!! hope you know that your blog is a huge source of comfort to a lot of people, including me 🫰🥹
and just an update—i'm slowly but SURELY getting over my seatmate bc my friends are literally godsent they're always finding ways to distract me by sitting near/beside me or getting me to sit with them instead (i'm so glad the senior high faculty is very lenient and let us defy official seating arrangements 😭) but also thinking about it if i didn't get heartbroken over him i wouldn't have impulsively thought of starting a blog so HDJSHDKSJK??? life has its silly little ways i guess (・_・;)
i'm so sorry you had to go through such struggles especially as the year just started but i'm glad you're staying strong!!! 🥹 and you're very right, i'm sure i can get through it and i believe you can too 💗 ofc you stay safe too 💗💗💗
here's home by reese lansangan hehehe
omgggggg hiiiiiii 🥹🥹💗💗 lavender is such a pretty name/alias and the blogs look super cute btw!!!!!! lemme follow rn hehe 🫶🏻
thank you so much for your v sweet words c’: definitely needed to hear something nice lately bc things are kinda </3 lately 🤧🤧 i can’t wait to see your blog grow <33 you’re an incredibly lovely person and i have no doubts that your blog will also be a huge comfort to others 🫶🏻🫶🏻
and i’m so happy to hear that your friends are doing their best to distract you from your seatmate 🥹 my final year of secondary school my teacher also let us pick whoever we wanted to sit next to and my best friend and i got up to so many (harmless) antics 😭😭 (mainly secretly breaking our school’s no-food-in-classrooms rule JWJSJS) but those are stories for another day hehe
sending just as much love back to you 💗💗 will definitely listen to your song rec when i’m home later hehe stay safe mwahhh and welcome to caratblr!!!!!!
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Hi Jude! I'm so anxious about my first appointment... stuff came up and I had to change locations and providers (still informed consent but not planned parenthood anymore). But! Otherwise I'm really very excited.
Your drink sounds really good. I love lavender in all forms but I've never drank it :0! I wish there was a cafe close to me! Alas. Country boy pretty much right now.
Has your day been good? I hit post limit? How are classes? (I assume they've started back up for everyone by now?) Find any new music? I found a song byyy The Ooze(s)? I think. It's short but SO good and loud and I could play it on repeat for HOURS!!!
Hi elias!! i saw u hit post limit, i admire ur devotion to #cecilsweep but you have killed my dash today oh my god 😔 /j (ily keep doin what ur doing, but holy shit dude) im so excited for you to start t! im sorry about the rearranging, it was the same way when i started- its always difficult to set stuff up at first!
I adore lavender in pretty much anything. My family are absolute freaks when it comes to how much tea we consume so we order several flowers and herbs in bulk, lavender being one of them and i make lavender syrup all the time when im home. It’s rlly tasty in coffee, but has a reputation of its own for being the east coast gay drink lmao, and is often overpriced. i live within walking disatance from four local coffee shops so im a bit spoiled lmao!!
my day’s been good, i woke up at like noon as most weekends start for me, i have some observation hw to start on (i have plenty of time tho.) but im pretty excited since i adore the professor im taking observation II from and he is nice enough to allow me to use color in all my assignments <3 Usually ur supposed to just do b/w charcoal but thats so fucking boring oh my god and this professor is a huge fan of my color work so he knows how much a chore b/w is for me. I’m thinkin of maybe drawing my hrt? idk i have to think abt it but i thought it would be fun.
as for music, on my way up to college on tuesday dad and i listened to the one pansy division cd we have like 3 times in a row and i havent rlly gotten over it yet and have been listening to their cover of liz phair’s ‘flower’ on repeat ever since. im honestly surpised we dont own more pansy division, my dad’s seen them a few times and theyre on one of his fave labels (lookout!) so it’s kinda odd we only have the one cd. but yknow, streaming is a thing, im just a snob and like physicals a bit more. I’ve been scouring bandcamp as usual for more twee and have been rlly digging a band called the harriets from osaka i believe, who have all of three songs out but i really like. I also bought a few of the max levine ensamble’s albums on bandcamp, theyre available on streaming but bandcamp doesnt have the sound limits other streaming services have and that band is best heard LOUD thru headphones. (i think some bands sound better when u can barely discern the sound LMAO) Theyre a pop punk band from dc that i started listening too exclusivly bc one of their members (spoonboy) is genderqueer and i wanted to hear more genderfuck type music. (tho pansy division is fufilling my every need for more songs abt gay male femmes rn oh my god. Listen 2 their cover of femme fatele, it makes me grin so hard. ) I’m on an honest search for queercore thats not like. how do i describe it? like neo-hardcore? like yknow, the very harsh and almost electronic hardcore thats popular rn but doesnt totally resemble older hardcore. I found a few bands i liked (DUMP HIM is pretty good, i also like yonic boom, which i searched for hours to make sure they weren’t terfs and can confirm they have at least one trans member if that helps a little👍) i also have learned that trying to find music that isnt hyperpop or death metal in the transcore tags on bandcamp is pretty impossible, tho i keep trying! what can i say, im a dude driven by horrible production quality, lts wild to me how polished some hardcore sounds nowadays when the main reason i like it is bc its grainy and harsh and hard to listen to. My love for twee but disdain for modern indie follows suit with that, if it doesnt sound like it was recorded on a budget of one dollar i dont want it!!! (with a few exceptions, i still cant shake my power pop infused childhood.) oh god that last paragraph is probably unreadable but yknow. autism
thanks for sending me an ask ily💖💖💖💖
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BELLEEEEEEE MY BELOVED HOW HAVE YOU BEEN I HAVE MISSED U SO MUCH I AM NOT KIDDING I HAVE UPDATES W MY LIFE SO PLEASE UPDATE ME TOO <33
warning very long rant upcoming mentions mental health issues kissing relationships being high (jokig manner being high on adrenaline) eating and idk what else
1 mental health has been going down hill its so bad i have gone back to my old habits of studying for 4 hrs ish????? and crying for like a 6.3 out of 7 very very bad
2 im SEEING SOMEONE RN⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ HELLO AURI LOVER ERA SLAYYYYYY but yeah i like him 😿😿😿 a lot 😿 hes so nice super funny and makes me really happy he makes me forget ab my problems and those things are super important to me in a relationship ALSO HE LIKED ME FIRST???? like we were coming back from ene (i will explain later in the "update letter?? " what is ene) aND WE WERE 7 PEOPLE IN 1 CAR 😭😭😭 so there was 5 persons on the back thats like designed for 3 people😭 we left one friend at the school bc her mom was picking them up so we were 4 left in the back seats i sat beside him and because we were super high on adrenaline and a little 🤏 tight we moved a lot and so he kept putting his hand on my lower back??? AND WE ENDED UP HOLDING HANDS OUT OF NOWHERE and he carressed my hand a lot and did like patterns😿😿😿 SAOUR CUTE WTF bit we another friend and ( context we already dropped off the other two so its only 3 of us left plus the teacher even more context he is a year older than us im in 9th grade and hes in 10th but we were both born in 2007 if that makes sense??? ) ok so w that friend we were like anoying him like WHO DO U LIKE?? dont u trust us you dont like us anymore?? ( we were so high on adrenaline and also our relationship is like that extremly playful and not serious amongst friends) so we started are they from our class??? and he went yes?? maybe and then my friend lets call her rachel bc im tired of saying my friend, rachel went aura.... the other aura (there are 2 aura's in our class ) he went no???? rachel: this aura ( me) him :idk maybe AND W THAT SHE WAS SCREAMING I DIDN'T PROCESS SHIT AND HE WAS EMBARRASSED so rachel goes : aura did y process what just happened me: 😭no😭 so at this point we were in front of my house and i go: we are going to have this conversation tomorrow fast forward to today lmao my school is in the neighborhood i live in so i go home walking so we have a group of friends that live on the neighborhood and go home together me him and rachel are on that "group" but rachel didn't come home walking idk why and the two friends i told u ab last time (the one that i liked and my best friend update they are now dating and are aDORABLE i am the bridesmaid they both agreed on it) so we were walkinf home 4 of us plus my sister and another friend when we get to my house its the 4 of us plus my sister my 2 friends who are datinf buy icecream ( my family has a small ice cream bussiness the ice cream my mom makes is indeed bussing) and he my sister and i were left in my house so i go : you know we gotta talk and he goes : wdm🤨 i i say : mom im going outside for a bit and we go to the park in front of my house (like 4 meters from my house) and we sit on the bench and talk...... alot from 3:40 ish?? till 5:10 😭 we were holding handa hi put an arm around my waist put his head on my shoulder i put mine on his saour cute im telling u 😿 and the he had to leave for basketball practice and i had a road trip ( im on the car rn 😭) and he gave me a little kiss before he left ($? $! $? #;! $;$! #(_) () #) #/! _ WTF ⁉️⁉️⁉️ AAAA im dead my spirit is typing this but i friendzoned very had at the start of our friendship 😭 it was so bad so i felt kinda guilty but its all ok now
3 iM NOW WORKINF ON ENE ene is an experience of a whole weekend with students planning every thing its very magical and amazing so its a surprise so you first have to live ene and then you work ene ( you plan and make other people live the experience) its like scout?? but in chile its more much different you do dinamicas (dynamics??) so you stand in the center of a circle and you scream like a funny song w funny dance moves and the people in the circle repeat (its very weird explained) but im working ene and it gives me so much happiness its super super tiring but its so worth it
HOW DID UR INTERSHIP GO?? PLS TELL ME AB IT IM DYING TOKNOW JAYBAL🙏🙏
thanks for reading my rant belle
a very tired auri on a road trip
AURI OMG HI HI HOW ARE YOU 👋
i love very long rants omg i’m happy to listen please rant away any time 😌
i’m so sorry to hear that your mental health has been in a rough place recently!! i totally know what you mean, i was on that grind this summer and it was low-key unhealthy for a while. please take lots of breaks and take care of your beautiful brain and body too 🌸
OMG AURI YOU’RE LITERALLY IN YOUR ROMANCE ERA WHAAAAT I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! he sounds so cute and sweet i’m literally getting a cavity. ALSO IT HITS SO HARD WHEN HE LIKES YOU FIRST ASHFKGL I’M GIDDY FOR YOU 🥰🥰🥰🥰
"we were so high on adrenaline" girl valid lmaoooo loving this story so much
that job sounds so fun and exciting actually??? how long is this job, is it for the summer or are you doing it part-time for a while?
my internship went so well!! turns out i love academic research lmao it was a blast and it was so exciting and cool to study activism and successful allyship within academia, i love learning about how to be a good ally and finding out what makes people hesitate to be allies it’s literally so fascinating.
TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR BOYFIE THOUGH I NEED TO KNOW!!! you guys are so sweet the early stages of relationships are crazy cute omg you’re making me nostalgic for when i first started dating my boyfriend 🥹💗
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Im gonna try to say this as kind as i can, but i dont understand what the deal is with suddenly with bringing Katrina around for all these investigations and for everything. Its like she is suddenly glued to Sam, cant stay home or do anything not involving them, and Her being Sams gf isn’t justifiable when this was never her niche to begin with, she always said she hated it, and would get super scared. Now suddenly she has no real content so she joins them, and “gets sick” every time? Does lives and hints of nexts trips which then turn out to be filming locations. You can say there havent been that many vids with her in them but thats not what i mean, i mean shes always there even when they’re doing things for work when before she wasnt like that at all. She lost her content house and now all she has is him and his content to use… idk do i make sense? Does anyone else see it? Even in her latest live she was restless because he was working, couldnt find what to do with herself so she decided to take a shot for every sub. I feel if you need his attention ALL the time thats not exactly healthy. Theres no separation between work and relationship between him and her or him and Colby except with Colby they’re actual business partners required to do stuff together.
Another thing, i dont get what she finds cute about giving Colby a death flare or attitude all the time, people call it “sibling energy” and its not. That would be a pretty toxic sibling if thats what your relationship surrounds. Its not only when Colby catches her either, ive seen others film her from far away like Javi, and while panning the room like Mitch and shes always giving Colby a glare… in his story she stuck out and Kris didnt even look at her when she switched it up.
i think it's a mix of both snc like having kat around in their videos and she likes being with her boyfriend. also, i think as time has gone on, she's grown to like ghost hunting. and i don't think there's anything wrong with that.
it would be nice if she didn't come on every investigation, but at the same time, she really hasn't come on that many. if we think about it, going all the way back to even before snc started ghost hunting, sam would disappear from her life like once or twice a month and then come back for that short period of time. and then when they started ghost hunting, it was basically a continuous thing too. so for years, he would leave and she wouldn't get to see him as often as she would have liked to. so, i think maybe in a way she's making up for lost time. and again like i mentioned, i think she's grown to like ghost hunting.
i think it would be good for her to have a separate thing from him, but idk if that will ever happen, or happen anytime soon. i guess her music, which she is working on rn, is separated from him. that's about it.
and as for her and colby, her glaring at him is definitely a joke and not her actually glaring at him bc he pisses her off all the time. they definitely are like siblings. they are very playful and goofy with one another.
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everythings really scary.. im trying to quell my anxiety but idk. but then i think how nice it will feel to not have to go to an eight hour long work seminar bullshit thing i have tmrw and also more and more brutal nine hr work days in a stressful overworked workplace. but i also feel bad quitting really abruptly it feels almost illegal lol. and i will be hoeing over my coworkers a little bc theyll have to figure out how to cover for me since having one teacher gone is a big deal but thats the directors' issue not mine right? i just feel like i cant do two more weeks of this. we have parent teacher conferences coming up plus the stupid seminar tmrw so it feels pointless to even be attending that since i wont be there for long. and i feel like they will treat me bad if i put my two weeks in maybe im crazy but i dont even want to face my boss bc shes annoying me and maybe im crazy but also giving me a lot of attitude and being rude and i feel if im there for two more weeks w everyone knowing im quitting its not gonna be a pleasant two weeks idk. Lol. and also all the other implications its just really scaring me. it wasnt a great job but at least it offered some stability financially and just routinely and i will miss the kids a lot thats the only thing im really sad about. and societal implications ig like im trying to not beat myself down over this bc i basically feel like im giving up and im failing myself and im gonna be broke again and i have the privilege of being able to not work for a little i have another paycheck coming in i think itll be my last paycheck and my mother is willing to help me out since she saw me have like three breakdowns last weekend and saw how ill i am which is really nice but i feel eternally bad bc i feel like im failing for not being a normal functioning capable adult but idk i just need a different better job and i can look for one and rn im just gonna rest and work on scheduling appointments for my mental wellbeing and i really hope it helps and i really hope being home for a little helps and im trying to get over the guilt of that and i guess its ok bpd is kicking my ass rn i just need more help and working a 9-6 job that i hate and treats its employees bad has been preventing me from getting the help and care i need and that should be my priority rn bc its unsustainable for me living like this and im trying to tell myself theres no honor or reward or anything for suffering. its just unnecessary and i want to get better..its ok to be mentally ill x lol
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hello howl! so uh,, im lowkey shy to say this as i reblog that one work of yours— and honestly, you may or may not find out who am i at the end of this ask :')
idk why im shy all of the sudden,, maybe bcs it's so not me to express my genuine feelings and if you were to openly see who i am (bcs of my username), i'll be shyly panicking idk why im sorry 😭 so im gonna let out everything that i've got in my heart here— psst, it's 3:30am here rn and i've got school at 7:20am but lets not mind that shall we
so like, that work of yours, i dont exactly remember its title but its context is s/o asking them for a hug and ended up crying in their embrace. yeah that one. i extremely love it— and is attached to it. idk why either, it's just lovely and perfect. whenever i feel like wanting comfort, from a certain character actually, i'll reread that one specific work. believe me when i say i've read it for so many times. it does comfort me, it did bring out tears too– like, i got so immersed everytime, it's easy to self indulge myself in your writings and those characters giving comfort feels so real. just then i realise that, i should be thanking you really <3
you are the one who wrote it, who actually, unconsciously comforting me. so thank you really, thank you so much howl! millions and millions of thanks. when that 'time' hits, i'll search for your username then went to your masterlist and find it. as im reading it, i'll cry. after that im fine. see, it's the magic of your comfort :D i do love all of your works, but that one has a special place in my heart (pls this is so weird for me to say but its the truth JSKNSKANW bye)
so yeahh :] thats it i guess?? this is my first time interacting with you so i hope i didn't weirded you out. im awfully sorry if i did without realising it. and i honesty dont know which one should i give so i'll just give all. thank you once again, im very much appreciating your existence. have a nice day, howl!
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anon, you really don't know what impact you just did to me. truthfully, i don't consider myself as a good writer when it comes to comfort fics or in any general aspect but hearing from someone like you that i unconsciously helped you when that 'time' hits you again, makes my heart genuinely swell
it makes me happy to know that i was able to comfort and encourage a person like you through my writing—and please do believe me when i said that your ask had wholeheartedly and unintenionally gave me more motivation to continue writing and to give love and comfort to the people who could only find it in the internet
at first, i actually didn't expect that my writing could be the source of someone's crying shoulder but you had proved me wrong with that opinion, you made me realize that even in the smallest things i could be able to help people even if it could be done as the bare minimum, and i'm happy that i was able to help you even though were nothing more than strangers
believe it or not, your last sentence hits too close to home, maybe it just feels weird (in a good way) for someone to tell me that they appreciate my existence— or maybe because those were the words that i've been yearning for all this time, but never had the chance to be aware about it. knowing that someone like you out there appreciates my existence, gives me the temporary peace that i'm looking for and i would like to thank you for that <33
it's a great pleasure to interact with you!! please do not think that i will be weirded out by this kind of ask, as this type of interactions never fails to make me smile. in the future, i hope i can continue to give you the comfort that you need, and know that you're not enduring it alone if that 'time' comes back again 💗
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SO uh hi mirai,, IM SO SORRY FOR BEING IA june has not been nice to me aha
I FEEL SO ASHAMED DISAPPEARING SO SUDDENLY i have been meaning to tell you this for a while but i never got the time to, ive been working as a vet assistant for my sisters friend because im pursuing to become a vet myself and everytime i get home from work i just pass out on my bed right away BUUT theres been less work recently so the doc gave me the week off
the only thing ive been caught up is enhypens comeback, the reason i open socmed at all is to check out their updates and thats basically it
how about you? update me on life lately i missed you sm :(( also what kind of career do you wanna have soon? if thats okay for me to ask ILY IMY MWA<3
SUNA BABYYY hiiii it has been so long huhu i missed you presence but I completely understand so THERES NO NEED TO FEEL ASHAMED OFOKWD I feel like you've told me before that you're a vet hmmm am I mistaken IDR PLEASE SPARE ME HUHU also how's the work been?? is it fun despite being so busy and tiring??
girl... the cb photos I CANT SOSNXOWKS I WANNA SOB THEY ALL LOOK SO GOOD and idk if its sure but there's a rumour that enhy is coming here in October or smth????? IDK ITS NOT CONFIRMED YET BUT I STILL WANNA BE READY (financially) IF EVER ITS TRUE cause I so BADLY want to go😭😭 OKG MAYBE WE CAN GO TOGETHER IF EVER???????? dkdmwodke
OFC ITS OKAY TO ASK THAT??? hmmm I'm still torn between being a psychologist and a flight attendant. I'm studying psychology rn bcs it can lead to both the career paths I want to take although there is a part of me that wants to just chill and become an accountant or smth >.<
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TALK ABOUT YOUR DAY PLS
anon if u want to talk to me u can hit my dms:3
anyway ummm i woke up a little bit late (6:40am) & went to work (almost finshed my 2nd week! still dont know shit tho) and its so so so funnnn i love having little tasks to do.. all my coworkers are 40+yo women and theyre all so nice to me ahshsjdjjd today i was in a call with one of them while she was showing me stuff (bc we can also work from home) and we talked briefly about her daughter and her dog:-) then i meet up with my new ..... friend?...... (the one who has a cat that he takes out outside for walks) who takes the same tram as me and it was so surreal bc im not sure if hes hitting on me or is he just peculiar. hoping that hes peculiar bc otherwise it'll be sooo awkward...... i dont like men ..... hes in the grey area rn it all depends on his next move. im visiting my grandparents tommorrow and i cant wait bc i havent seen them for over a month!! also watched a few eps of house md (hatecrimes md) and made a rlly great curry because thursdays are for curry. the weather was nice it finally stopped raining<3 hehe. also saw a squirrel who was carrying a nut!!!! and a girl with a fox on the leash in the park!! the fox was white with black spots i was unaware that you can legally keep foxes in poland rlly fun experience
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so i had such a day today omggggggg
so got up early as hell to go see saw which was at 12:15pm. theaters a ways away and we wanted to go to the flea market.
at the flea market i saw this cute halloween tin and was like oooOOOooo !! but i picked it up and it rattled, and was full of halloween JEWELRY!!! sooo i obviously got it, bc it was only $1(usd)
keep walking and a very big lamp catches my eye, idk why but i HAD to go look at this lamp. so i mosey on over take a look at the lamp and hidden under a pile of stuff next to the lamp is a little woodstock figure!! hes in a valentines heart chocolate box and i literally was like YIPPEEE!!! so i got him for a dollar and put hm in my little halloween bucket.
keep walking and my brother stops to search a toy bin for go bots, and i find a SNOOPY!! hes a 2018 mcdonalds toy and hes sitting on a cloud holding woodstock and when you roll him is EARS SPIN. literally the coolest thing evr def screetched a lil dont even worry abt that. hes now also in my bucket.
so we move on and this booth has some really nice halloween stuff set out so i go over to look. and the older lady who owned it saw my halloween bucket and was 'that is so cute!!' and i was like 'right?? it was only a dollar and it had jewelry!!' so i open it to show her and she sees my snoopy and woodstock and is like 'HOW CUTE COME LOOK AT MY BOBBLE HEAD' and pulls me over to look at the snoopy bobble head she had as decoration. and ofc im like 'OMG HOW FUCKING CUTE' and we chit chat and then shes like hey i think youd like this, and then pulls me over to a glass case with a DRACULA TROLLS DOLL IN IT. and ofc im FREAKING OUT BC HOLY SHIT ITS A DRACULA TROLLS DOLL. anyways i did not have $25 to spare today :<
so we leave the flea market and go get movie snacks to smuggle in (im so poor btw), get to the theater and buy tickets. the worker is like 'yep saw x, youll be in theater 8' so me and my brother walk in and sit down just to be greeted by paul dano in a santa hat staring straight at us telling us about the stock market and nfts. we are like ????? check the tickets. they moved the time from 12:15pm to 1:50pm.... we have made a terrible blunder. we debate what to do b4 walking out of the theater and going up to the front like 'heyyyyyyy so we totally got the wrong time, can we come back later with the tickets or do we have to stay here?' and she was like 'yeah totally. i noticed u walked into dumb money a few minutes ago and was like hmmmm i wonder if they noticed.' SHE WAS GONNA JUST LEAVE US IN THERE. that is so fucking funny to me.
we go kill time at a thrift store, my younger brother buys a vial of holy water.
we come back, still terribly early but whtvr. me and my older brother play the worst game of pocket tanks this world has ever seen. my younger brother texts to let me know he stopped at a different thrift store on the way home and got me AN X FILES VHS FOR FIFTY FUCKING CENTS !!!!!! YIPPPEEEEEE!!!
we watch saw. very bad movie omg. come home, breath once then right back out the door for my older brothers band to practice and then a boring ass social event. there were burgers there tho,, damn fine food.
thats all the interesting stuff but im already here typing and your already here reading. i had a fight with my printer trying to print the notes i needed for rehearsals tmrrw (i waited last minute whoops). my cat did the most rancid thing i've ever seen. she propped her hind leg on the rim of the water bowl to lick her tosies.... i cannot even describe.. maybe i'll draw it later if i have the time. i set up my new figures on my desk (its so crowded lol) and i worked a little on the sculpture im making. yesterday my brother accidentally yanked my arm weird. he kinda pulled on the elbow i have previously fractured and it hurt but was fine, then tonight i was saying bye to my friend and he also yanked it. ouch. wearing a brace rn bc woof. i finished up some of the choreography i was working on for my next show, although i have no idea if it will actually work bc i did it alone in my room and not with like the 7 other ppl. i had a stange fruity drink, didnt taste good. my best friend texted me panicking bc she took smth WILD and was off her gourd. (shes on a business trip btw). i also did the laundry.
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