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rin-and-jade · 1 month

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Arrays of Colored Jars: A Post about Holders

Well, yeah, jars. We all always keep something inside ourselves, be it memories, or feelings, or anything else,, they're categorized in a distinguished way that makes it pop out apart from all the mundane information that are accumulated for future prediction or for keepsakes.

But when we want to talk more about holders as jars, then they can even go further for things such as bearing charged events to keep the system stable and not get washed away by the sheer overwhelming somatic/emotional intensity, or, make it easier to manage symptoms that comes along with an event/cause/reason. These jars are not only meant to keep something passively, but serve a purpose.

Okay.. so what's a 'Jar' to you?

First let me pull out the general meaning for this word, it's like a usual part of my post now;

"a person who has the ownership, possession, or use of something." From dictionary.com

So if we use this meaning for the context of systems, is that the ownership, or possession, now turns to something that are more abstract such as memories, feelings, or anything else,, rather than holding actual water you know.

What classifies as one, though?

Lots of ways. Holders are very variable, they seem to align to it's own system for what must be contained, and what it is meant for, and why. Though there's a generic theme of classification which i will divide into three, and that all are still classified as holders;

Emotion Holder, Memory Holder, and Symptom Holder.

E Holder:

This type of holder contains a dominant or intensified level of a certain emotion. An example of this would be an anger holder, where it will be in a persistent state of anger and still can slide around the angry spectrum. It also has a possibility to feel other emotions, and/or can feel outside its dominant emotional state for a short period. E Holders may also retain related memories associated with their dominant emotion. These memories serve to reinforce the emotional experience, affecting intensity and persistence of the dominant emotion.

M Holder:

This type of holder is specialized in remembering an event that has happened where nobody could remember/recall collectively, it can vary from being vague to vivid. Sometimes will also carry charged emotions that goes along with the memory, which is tricky at first to check if its an E or a M holder.

The difference lies on which factor started it (is it the memory, or the feelings), M holders are more indirect so it means, X memory makes them express Y way, while E holders are more direct and overt because they express Y way and remember memory X which strengthens the intensity of Y.

This type of holder can also cause confusion in a chronological aspect, as if, it had time traveled back to when it knows being in, if cofronting/fronting. In conclusion they also hold the vibe, or the sense of time other than what had happened within the memory.

S Holder:

Have you noticed that some alters within the system may experience certain disorders or symptoms that primarily affect them, while rest of the collective remains minimally affected? Or have disorders that only affects itself? These holders are capable of containing disorders (like NPD, BPD) or singular/specific, like paranoia. it's to ensure that disruptive or distressing experiences are contained within specific alters rather than affecting everyone negatively. This also works with pain holders!

Uhuh.. but why many, how does that work??

Different jars different contents, you know these containers are very versatile and are used to keep tiny trinkets, liquids, and even bake dessert within it? They can even be used to store dry pasta or spices; the use is boundless.

Same goes with holders! Just like how roles can be given to a part and have responsibilities corresponding to it, everything that can be stored somatically, emotionally, or mentally are also possible.

Now, how do E holders work?

Let's start by understanding how we experience emotions. Emotions are triggered reactions to events or stimuli in our environment. For example, we might feel surprised when a friend throws an unexpected party in our living room, or scared when faced with something intimidating.

It's important to note that all emotions are temporary, typically lasting only for a short period, often around one minute. After experiencing an emotion, we usually return to a baseline. However, if we continue to dwell on the same event or stimulus that triggered the emotion, we can prolong its duration! This phenomenon is known as the Emotional Refractory Period.

Imagine hearing a funny joke that makes you laugh. As you continue to think about the joke, you may find yourself laughing again, even more intensely than before. This is because the emotional response becomes more easily aroused with frequency, requiring less effort to elicit the same or even stronger reactions. Even if an alter cannot recall a specific memory associated with an emotion, they may still experience and hold onto that emotion, amplifying its effects.

For M holders?

Someone must be associated with the certain memory, while the rest are detached/dissociated from the specific event. These holders can hold tactile, auditory, or visual information and can range from holding mundane to emotionally charged moments. This is different from suppression, since memory holders are the ones who can hold undesired/stressful memories that others couldn't, for the system to maintain functionality.

Memory holders can form from various reasons such as the inability of other alters to accept the truth of certain events, the dissociation of traumatic memories resulting in a fragment recording the event, or the necessity to split off overwhelming experiences as a coping mechanism.

Lastly, S holders?

Well, this is more tied to epigenetics and everything chemistry related. Though it is hard to fully convey what i mean, i will try my best;

Our states can affect whole bodily functions, just like how we know stress is proven to weaken the immune system, this is similar too! Some genes are predisposed to turn on and off depending on situation and stimulus, we have special cells equipped with sensors that are tasked to scan what is happening every second, and these collected data gets transferred for the dna and other cells responsible for tweaking functions. Fancy terms like methylation and demethylation which turns it on and off.

For disorder holders this is how it works: if this mechanism can influence the activation or suppression of certain genes added from internal factors, then it is possible to shape an individual's predisposition to various mental health conditions from biological processors such as neurotransmitter activity and hormonal fluctuations to the manifestation of different states and behaviors.

Many disorders are tied to varying levels of activity in different brain regions, so this can make sense why you are not as affected, or not at all, even if you are co-fronting! There even is a lag between parts who have the disorder, when switching with another part with a different predisposition,, because our chemical messages are constantly being fired off and it chemical works by watering down with newer, updated ones.

This statement don't apply best to other lesser symptoms or pain holders, since pain holders are related to different tolerances each parts have, while the other one works similar to an E/M holder.

Takeaway

That's all for today. What did you learn after reading? Do you guys have any theories to be proven or told? Also, the terms i had mentioned on my posts are public resources, feel free to learn about them as they also did a lot of research papers for these topics!

Let me know if we need a separate post on how to care/manage for different types of holders, and if you're a holder yourself, feel free to describe what your contents and its color would be if you were to be a jar, happy monday!

- j

#did #actually did #did community #did osdd #did system #dissociative identity disorder #sysblr #plural #system stuff #jeducates

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good-beanswrites · 6 months

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Hello! I'd like to request "There's an 80% chance of this working out" from List 5 with Mahiru and Mikoto! Horoscope Girl and Tarot Boy...what will they do...

Ooh this one was so fun, thank you!! It was really neat learning about tarot :0 (It'll take a bit longer, but I got carried away with the idea and also started writing something of Mikoto doing a reading for Fuuta hehe). It always makes me sad that Mahiru doesn’t trust Mikoto at first, so it was really fun to picture them bonding over things like this during T1! I never thought of them having that in common and my mind has been opened to this duo asdfsdfds

“Alright, I’m going to need you to manifest your energy as hard as you can.”

Mahiru squeezed her eyes shut. Her face scrunched up in concentration. She let out a little hum of effort as she poured all her emotions into the card deck under her fingertips.

“Uh… maybe not that hard, Mappi.”

She looked up with a giggle. “Right, right! I’m just so curious!” Well, she was curious about how a tarot reading itself would go, not about what it would tell her. Mahiru was fairly confident of her upcoming verdict, and the cards would only confirm it. So far only one prisoner had been named guilty, and everyone could see he was just a bully. Mahiru was nothing like him. She would be forgiven. She just knew it.

Mikoto started shuffling the cards. “Are you ready?”

“Oh, yes!”

To be honest, she’d had her suspicions about Mikoto for a while. His smile was too perfect at all hours of the day. (Even someone as cheery as her knew a smile like that couldn’t be consistently real.) She’d seen enough cheaters who chatted as easily as he could with everyone here. His nicknaming habit was a cute one, but she was keeping her eye on how informally he acted with little basis for friendship. She knew for sure he was a dangerous flirt when he’d grabbed her palm to read her fortune, launching into talk of life and love lines. However, none of that meant he was lying about his tarot expertise -- so who was she to refuse his offer to read her cards?

Her eyes glimmered as she watched Mikoto lay out three cards before her. Though he used the same theatrics he had for the others, she was just as entranced. It was just so magical, she thought.

Mikoto circled his palms over the cards. “We’re going to begin by looking at the past and present to get a bit of perspective before we move on to what your future will hold, alright?” He’d already explained that the cards couldn’t read one’s future as much as they offered self-awareness. He said it was all about being in tune with oneself, and the world. She was sure someone like him was already perfectly aligned within himself, but she could admit her heart carried her away at times…

Mahiru held her breath as he flipped the first card. She studied his face for any trace of negativity. Seeing her worry, he slipped back into his usual smile. “For the past, we have the Reversed Page of Cups,” he said. “This suit deals with emotions and intuition.”

Mahiru nodded, excited at the accuracy. Her past certainly had its share of intense feelings.

“This card in particular may mean emotional insecurity, or immaturity. It could also point to an avoidance of reality, something that’s not being faced head-on.”

She nodded, with a little less excitement this time.

“It also represents a specific person who influences you.” His face lit up, recalling Mahiru’s favorite topic. “Pages can represent a companion! Is there a romantic someone in your life who may have been causing some emotional insecurity?”

Picking up on the way her face paled, he said quickly, “or maybe not! They could be a messenger, or a childlike figure, or…” He reached for the next card. “Moving on, uh, to the present. Ah! This is a really good sign.”

She perked up.

“Here’s Justice. It’s fairly self-explanatory, representing the consequences that follow your actions. It’s about cause and effect, and accountability. It means things are happening according to karma, which is natural.”

He turned over the last card. “And finally, when looking to the future, we’ve got the Two of Swords. Swords deal with the mind -- conflict and communication. That’s… interesting.”

Mahiru’s eyes grew round. “What’s interesting?” She slid the card closer to herself, studying the picture. A blindfolded woman with two swords. There was water, and the moon. Was that bad? Was the woman unhappy? She was all alone. What did that mean?

“Don’t worry,” Mikoto soothed. “It just means you’ll make a big choice. Well, actually, it means you’ll get stuck, so you need to make a choice. I just thought it was funny, we’re here wondering about Es’ decision, but it turns out you’re the one who needs to make a decision.”

“Ah,” she breathed a sigh of relief.

“Now we can look at the big picture. It seems like some of your past problems may have come from emotional issues, so you’ll want to keep an eye on your emotions going forward.” Mahiru shifted. “The fact that we pulled Justice should reassure you about being here. I’ve heard some of the others complain that they don’t belong here, or it’s all a mistake, but this card is showing you that it’s just cause and effect. The events of your life are running their natural course.”

It was true, even she had been unhappy that her actions were being labeled that of a murderer. After all, those were an entirely different breed of people, right? Someone like Fuuta, who was guilty. People like her and Mikoto could never raise a hand to another. It was good to know, then, that this was all meant to be.

“And going forward, you’re gonna want to make sure you’re being decisive. Face your problems head-on, and communicate. If you can do that, things will be alright.” He folded his hands on the table, finished his reading.

Mahiru thought for a moment. A smile crept onto her face, growing larger and brighter by the second. She clasped her hands together. “That’s wonderful! Thank you so much for doing this. It’s told me everything I need to know.”

“Yeah?” He picked the cards up, shuffling them back into the deck. She pulled a slip of paper from her pocket, pointing to some lines scribbled down.

“Yes. I’ve been jotting down some birthdays, see? I’ve had to make a few guesses until I get more information, but if Es is either a Scorpio or a Virgo… as a Capricorn myself… we’re very compatible, look! Capricorns have excellent communication with both of those signs, and you said that’s what I’ll need to get through this tough decision.” She turned the paper over to reveal more notes. “On top of that, my extraction is scheduled right before my birthday, during Capricorn’s governing period. At that time, things will be aligned more in my favor.”

Mikoto’s eyebrows raised at her notes, impressed. “Wow! You have this all worked out, huh? If that’s the case, you seem very prepared to have a successful interrogation.”

She steepled her fingers. “I’d say there’s an 80% chance of this working out!”

“Definitely!”

He returned her beaming smile. Things would be perfect. Nothing to worry about.

#milgram #mikoto kayano #mahiru shiina #*narrator voice* and then she didnt communicate or face her conflict head-on.#it was too late to switch pov but im obsessed with how many tarot resources talk about being in tune with yourself and your identity #being secure and aware of your own mind #and just how clever it is that the symbol was chosen for mikoto...#tihtbilwy released just a few days before her birthday - thats so cute!#featuring @snakes-and-fluff's hc that mikoto can do palm reading and other things! i really loved that #there must have been such a crazy atmosphere in the prison during mahirus interrogation/verdict #halfway through all interrogations and only one person voted guilty - and hes the most obviously brash and loud one #i feel like everyone would be feeling really safe -- an then someone as sweet as mahiru gets her verdict. everyone would start to worry #if anyone who knows more about tarot/astrology sees any glaring flaws let me know lmao -- i did my best looking things up 👍#thank you so much for the request!! it was such a blast #(though also im yelling at you for sending it because ive been roped into reading my partners grandmothers cards possibly daily after #she caught me looking stuff up 😂😂😂)#drabbles

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muffinrecord · 10 months

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I keep reading that Himena is mentally ill, but I don’t know enough about her to actually see that. How does… her mental thing come across like that? I don’t know how to ask this.

I don't know enough about Himena to really give an answer on this-- I have a basic, broad understanding but not enough to go into true depth.

I can't point to a specific mental illness or even confirm that she actually has one, but I think one can absolutely read her as having one the same way you can for someone like Juri.

Her thing is that her boyfriend, Hiko, committed suicide after intense bullying-- it was partially based on their relationship because the two were so different (it was like a Romeo and Juliet thing, sort of?). If I recall correctly, Hiko did not want to be saved. Himena therefor made this her wish after his death: “Make it so that Hiko and I can be together within me.”

Now Hiko lives inside her head as a voice that only she can hear. It's confirmed through Kanagi (again, if I recall this correctly) that he does actually exist in there.

Of course, this means that very few people who aren't magical girls with knowledge of wishes and magic are not going to believe her. And this really frustrates and hurts Himena in return. Her reality is questioned and disbelieved. People don't try to understand her. She feels like her love is not allowed and she wants to change that. She also wants to support her new friends that seem to be suffering quite a bit.

Just based on the little I've seen of her, I do wonder if she has something else going on beyond the possible symbolism of having a dead boyfriend's voice inside her head. She takes rejection very personally and seems to be hurt by it more deeply than others, she seems to swing between emotions quickly, and she's got some interesting internal logic going on regarding morality and such.

How much of that is thanks to the trauma of her boyfriend committing suicide and then the subsequent consequence of having him inside her head, her age, and to an actual mental illness is up for debate. Also, I'm not sure what kind of guy Hiko was/is. It's possible he's a negative influence in there just as much as he can be a comforting one.

The way that Himena reacts to people around her, particularly her mom, can also feel very real and symbolic in terms of mental illness. I think it can be absolutely argued that one reason she takes some of her worst actions is a lack of support and love around her. Obviously the bullying was bad, but the lack of attempt at understanding and compassion hurt her too. "Hurt people hurt people" and all that.

As for how it comes across... this is arguable, but this is my personal opinion for what little I know. I don't think that Himena is a bad person or portrayed as such (VERY DEBATEABLE IN THE FANDOM). I think she went through something horribly traumatic and then found support in a very bad way-- I'm not just talking about Hiko living in her head rent-free, but also her new "friends" (aka Neo-Magius) that give her motivation to push herself to massive extremes. It's notable that Himena is only fourteen years old too. I think a lot of her actions can be explained as a consequence of giving a young teenager too much power, too much responsibility, and not reconciling their traumas-- couple that with no oversight and I'm not surprised that things ended up as bad as they did.

Again, I don't know too much about her beyond vague summaries and what I've seen in events. So take it all with a grain of salt.

(Neo-magius isn't really my thing, they're easily my least favorite faction, so them and their characters aren't my wheelhouse.)

Other folks, please feel free to correct me if I got something wrong, or chime in with your own opinion!

#Magia Record #Himena Aika #cw: sucide #Ask Muffin

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winn-schott-throughtheheart · 1 year

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hello, all. I present to you a long list of why Winn Schott is Autistic as Hell:

• academically gifted

• stims- hand flappies, plays with his shirt, fidget spinner, lots of trinkets to play with, fidgets a lot, scratching/rubbing the back of his neck, playing with his tie, etc

• star wars special interest- frequently makes references, talks about it a lot, 2x01, 3x09, etc

• also superman special interest or old hyperfixation perhaps: strong long term memory, able to recall exact details of past fights

• doctor who/orphan black, etc, scifi in general also - comfort and routine in fictional worlds

• Genius™- picks up on info that trained agents couldn't after spending an hour at the DEO 1x13, makes Superman's new suit 2x01/2 (?), wrote the code that made literally everything after 5x11 possible, etc

• overwhelmed at lots of voices and shouting 2x11 - noise complexity issues

• that technically wasn't winn but since the Martian took all his memories/thoughts/mannerisms im going to count it as him

• complains that today's music is too loud 1x16

• wears headphones at both places of employment, 1x05, 2x05- noise processing issues again

• can easily go hours without taking a break if he's In The Zone, 1x15, 3x20

• bad social cues 1x13, 1x07, 3x02, 3x09, 2x16 etc etc

• learns a new alien coding language in less than 45 minutes

• learned kryptonian because he was bored

• hyperfocussss

• prefers to be alone- doesn't talk to anybody besides his friends much

• poor self esteem

• over analytical

• time blindness - "How is it still night time? it feels like it's been one week." 2x11

• sensory issues- certain smells - teak wood and tobacco, frequently wears headphones, scrunching his face up at having to wear rubber gloves

• frequently drinks soft drinks- sensory with the bubbles maybe??

• frequently eats more unhealthy things: more predictable in taste and texture than fruits/veg/organic foods.

• very expressive with his hands when talking

• hyper empathy- 3x02, training room scene

• bad at lying

• never noticed how bad his home life was

• awkward with emotions/bad at dealing with emotions 1x10, 1x20, 3x14, 5x12

• easily gives in to peer pressure

• panics under pressure

• routines- it takes a while for him to get used to Guardianing and Supering

• sensitive to temperature

• missing social cues when being questioned by Maggie, 2x16

• stimming - spinning on the stool 3x13

• special interests in techy stuff

• repetetive tasks?? likes taking stuff apart and putting it back together again

• awkward with hugs?? 3x18 at least

• shifting his weight when standing

• face rubbing/touching stim

• "if they like someone romantically, they can be extremely, noticeably awkward in attempts to let them know."

• difficulty making friends/approaching new people

• taking things literally?/ difficulty reading between the lines. "oh, things are not chill." social cues again 3x20

• prefers meaningful conversation over small talk

• ooh routine mayhaps might have been a part of 2x09

• daydreamer/deep thinker, e.g 3x14

• alexythemia - trouble identifying/describing their own/others emotions.

• see e.g- "oh, so I'm supposed to be feeling something? well I don't feel.... anything... I don't think..."

• typical gifted kid- "I always knew he was brilliant and capable-" at ten years old

• difficulty managing intense emotions- could also be PTSD. e.g, 1x10, 3x14, 1x11

• negative beliefs of self, again linked to PTSD

• intense connection to fictional worlds

• engaging in special interests very intently - 1x15, 3x20

• RSD maybe????

• strong long term memory

• pattern spotting/attention to detail, 2x14

• hyperfocus, again 3x20

• low trust in himself

• stimming by pacing, and also humming/singing, 2x16, 3x22, 2x20 (superfriends)

• could be echolalia after Kara maybe explained it cause he literally wasn't there

• clumsy - fine motor skills go brr

• "doesn't really do holidays," perhaps sensory overloads/sensory difficulties??

• or maybe thats just trauma

• or both

• quick/blunt remarks that could come off as rude

• 't-rex' arms

• sticking to the same clothing??

• talking to himself/thinking out loud

• takes his tablet almost everywhere- comfort item??

• stimming- moving his fingers idk like flapping/moving them up and down

• heightened sense of smell - "Oh, God, is that smell you?" like a second after bumping into Kara 1x02

• Kara knows about his Maxwell Lord obsession- hyperfixation/infodumping mayhaps??

• very very t-rex arms Jesus

• I'd make a compilation but God he's doing it in literally every scene I swear

• mumbles when writing code - idk if that's a thing it just seems very neurodivergent

• echolalia- repeats "turbulence" after Brainy in 3x11

• literal - 2x02, "actually, he said he would try."

• uses diagrams and drawings as a means to get points across - 3x22

• highly intelligent but can sometimes be slow to comprehend due to sensory and social difficulties

• stims to soothe when sad or agitated - face rubbing/touching, finger/foot tapping, etc

• similar when happy - jumping, dancing, singing, 2x09, 2x16

• anxiety and fear are prominent emotions

• proud of himself when he can distinguish tones - "Oh, I know that tone, that's a bad news tone" 2x09

• sitting on desks and tables

• sits weird - 2x14

• literally in the middle of an alien invasion and runs back to get his tablet

• genuine 'yep?' after cats sarcastic 'oh, Winslow,' when asked if she's ready 2x21

• prepares for the worst, always

• tapping his fingers 1x10 balcony scene

• tablet is a definite comfort/security item because it's been seen since 1x01. So.

• pacing to self soothe, 1x10, 2x09, 3x14, 5x11 etc

• unique thought process (voyager 3x11, satellites 1x13)

• finger wiggles!!! 3x09

• literally memorises a futuristic maths system to fix a futuristic ship better than the ships owner (someone from the future)

• sensory overload/overstimulation in 3x20 with ruby (coming off as easily irritated etc)

• has a fucking dirt collection

• which Mon-El of all people knows about, so he's either infodumped a whole bunch or they have sleepovers

• always making references

• keeps random shit in his desk?? why does he need a whole toolbox in his desk at catco

• overclarifies himself ("that's like, that's like really fast"); struggles with understanding things sometimes so when he's explaining stuff he explains in more detail the stuff that normally he wouldn't understand.

• relieved hand flappies after stopping indigos missile 1x15

• disinterest in sports/physical activity

• " I was a theatre kid, not a track star!"

• "youthful" for his age: in dresses, activities, tastes, etc

• fictional worlds as a retreat/safe space/coping mechanism

• "may have a strong interest in computers, games, science, graphic design, inventing, things of a technological and visual nature"

• emotionally sensitive

• hates injustice/being misunderstood

• words and actions are often misunderstood by others

• doesn't go out much: only really shown 'out' with his friends/'safe' people (barring that one time in 2x20)

• actually having said that he was probably only in the marketplace because he knew James was going to be there

• when he was at the bar alone in 2x13

• difficulty regulating voice volume - "too loud." "I'm sorry-" 2x14

• "high and to the.. left?" - struggles with fine motor skills and lefts/rights 2x07

• "head north. or, wait, more helpfully.... left."

• stimming with his mask in 3x16

• memory again: remembers where he was told his mum and dad met from over twenty years ago in 3x14, immediate correction "I thought you two met in Ivy Town?"

• fine motor skills again when he breaks the thing in the bathroom on the legion ship 3x17 (?)

• also "I broke something" in 1x07

• wears "restrictively tight" cardigans - comforted by deep pressure therapy

• chicken wings as a safe food

• he also immediately knows what's so important about flight 237 in 3x04- remembers exact details about Supergirl much like he does with Superman

• awkward gait

#winn schott #protects the stars #autism #supergirl crack #crack?#evidence #he is autistic and you can fight me #autistic winn schott #supergirl

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amysubmits · 1 year

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Immediate Communication

“You don’t like me today?” he asks.

Somehow “do you like me?” became our way of communicating that our connection is ‘off’. Sometimes we literally aren’t sure if the other is having negative feelings towords us...but more often, it’s our way of asking what’s going on in the other persons head. They’re quiet or grumpy or otherwise “off” so we ask if they like us to ask what’s up, basically.

For a long time (a couple of years?) when CD would ask me this I’d almost always say I liked him, and I was fine. I would continue to try to act fine for a while. I wasn’t trying to shut him out. I was trying to reassure him, but also protect him from whatever was bothering me, trying to protect myself from risking intense vulnerability, and I was trying to protect us both from conflict if there was something going on between us. This didn’t usually work out well. He knew me too well, and bottling things up never works well in the long-run. Most of the time he’d remained worried as he knew something was up, and whatever I was struggling with would bubble up later. I think the reason that happened for so long, was because delaying conversations made them feel safer to me, somehow. I was never conscious of it, but I think I was unconsciously afraid that having “real time” conversations would mean our emotions would be heightened. I think I thought that talking about things later let emotions simmer and kept things safer.

That delay in conversation mostly doesn’t happen anymore. We’ve reached a place where we manage “real time” conversations. They are just as safe as our delayed conversations were, and it just works better. They work better because we don’t have to try to recall things after the fact, our memories are fresh...and we don’t have to let the anxiety simmer, we don’t have to live in this “we’re a bit disconnected” space for a day. We can just address the situation, and feel reconnected right away.

So when he asked me if I didn’t like him, I told him I did like him, but I was worried. And I told him why I was worried, and he gave me reassurance. It’s really very simple. So simple that it doesn’t seem like I should just be discovering it in my 30s. Trauma has a way of delaying development, and making accomplishments harder to reach. So, I’ll choose not to linger on how long it took to sort through my issues, and instead just be proud that we got here.

#writing #d/s #communication

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bnuuywol · 4 months

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Hi there! Its your Secret Starlight gifter! I started going through all the info you've provided (which is much more concise than I could manage) and Firstly Silas concepts is super cool! and secondly!

Are there more specific moments in Elpis that effect Phoenyx more than others? and do you headcanon being there for a single day or longer?

Also please tell me you let him and Thanny have some nice calm times after Endwalker. Any places they go together or plans they had?

Thank you!

Hey there!! Thank you!

I headcanon him being in Elpis for maybe like 2-3 days. A moment that sticks out for me is when Meteion has him change the color of the flower for Hermes and how intensely negative a color he manages to make it. He has a lot of pain inside him and recalling it on purpose for Hermes was difficult for him. Another moment is when he's cornered into telling the truth by Venat. He has so much anxiety about changing the future, his present. Elidibus warned him to make sure he doesn't erase the future he came from and when they begin to see if they can prevent the Final Days from ever happening in their time, it makes his heart race with dread and anxiety. But one of the scenes I've had in my head about his time in Elpis for the longest time is, as he's returning to the present, he's struck with an Echo containing his unsundered self's memories, Prometheus's memories, of the Final Days. Feeling all of Azem's pain and anger and helplessness as if it were his own, then being left with those emotions on top of the terrible emptiness of knowing nothing else about his life before. It leaves him sobbing on the floor of the Ocular alone for a while before he can pull himself back together.

And yea, they do get a lot of softness and time together post-Endwalker! I haven't thought of much of anything specific they've done, but they make their way around the map, hunting stray blasphemies, lending a helping hand where needed, looking into ruins and other such places they've never been before. As well as going on dates, being very physically intimate with one another every night. There's definitely some time in Costa Del Sol at Thancred's behest to show Phoenyx the fireworks off the coast. There's a lot Phoenyx hasn't seen or done and Thancred wants to be there to show it to him :)

Sorry for the wall of text, I just love my boy 🥹❤️

#ffxiv #phoenyx eldritch #i'm very excited to see who this is and what ya do!!

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skylaryozora · 2 years

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Random thoughts: Winx Club S2 part 1

This season is way better than S1.

Will I be a bad person if I say that Bloom is still boring and oftentimes just USELESS? I can recall several cool moves/scenes of other Winx girls throughout this season, while Bloom only discovers she has healing powers because why not (later this season Faragonda tells Flora she also has those bcos she's the nature fairy... k, whatever). Also, ofc Bloom was sent on the pixie rescue mission as she possesses the AlMiGhTy AnD mOsT pOwErFuL dRaGoN fLaMe... But imho Stella and Aisha were much more useful there, Bloom didn't do anything impressive. Besides, I enjoy watching Winx girls in action when Bloom's not around, sorry not sorry XD

Aisha and Musa's friendship is pure gold. I really don't understand why Tecna is considered Musa's best friend, like how? The connection between Aisha and Musa is as strong as the bond of Bloom and Stella, maybe even stronger. Iirc Musa was one of the first to cuddle Aisha on her arrival to Alfea, Aisha keeps repeating Musa's name on many occasions, Musa smiles when Aisha borrows Timmy's hover bike and joins the guys racing above a lake (okay, this may not be so relevant, but I found it adorable), they dance together, Musa rushes to comfor Aisha when she felt left out, they were there for each other in the clash with Earth club thugs, during the drama with Musa's dad, and the concert in RF. Not to mention the moment when Aisha pushed Riven to dance with Musa. If that's not bestie's goals, then I don't know what is.

My fav episodes are 13 (girls skip school to visit Earth), 14 (Musa fights Stormy with incantations while Sky, Brandon, Flora, and Bloom rescue Diaspro), 15 (Musa's concert) + Wildlands (really eventful, skills of many characters shine through and inspire others which is heartwarming and engaging).

Musa has some really badass spells: the stamping to make the monster bounce in E11, the handclap to turn up the music and to stun a thug with a sound wave in self-defence in E13, and the incantation to chase the stormy clouds off in E14.

Episode 13 reminded me that Aisha has mastered royal etiquette which gives such a nice balance to her love of freedom of sports.

S2 Riven is just fantastic. I love his development, how he made use of his skills, and that he was the first to confess to Musa.

Rivusa relationship progression is "chef's kiss" - romantic attraction slowly builds up through single moments, and the intense and dramatic first kiss is the cherry at the top (the angle could have been executed better tho).

1st question: Why do we learn about Stella's singing skills so late? And if she can sing, why isn't she the one singing instead of Bloom in S4 and onward, for heaven's sake...

2nd question: In Rai, I don't really get how Musa's father and Riven met before the concert - Hoe Boe already has a negative opinion on him, but Musa wasn't dating Riven yet so???

3rd question: What is Musa's mother's name? Matlin? Maitlyn? Wa-Nin? I thought I heard something like Gua Ning, but idk anymore.

Charmix is a cool first step in fairy evolution, not a full-fledged transformation but something in between. They could have done without the bags but these custom brooches are lovely. I also low-key prefer the way they earned those over the way they earned Enchantix.

Tecna's pun is present only in English dubs, and I'm glad the dub writers saw the occasion and used it. One person pointed out it's actually foreshadowing that Tecna will learn how to communicate her human emotions and sound less like a robot.

Too much of evil laugh, perhaps it was the Trix and Darkar's way to forcefully manifest their victory or something, but guess what, didn't work.

I watch Rai dub, but Musa's concert is better in 4kids. However, Musa's 4kids voice is too shrill for my taste while Tecna sounds like an elderly posh lady XD.

#winx club #winx season 2 #winx #winx commentary #winx bloom #winx musa #winx riven #winx rivusa #winx aisha #aisha and musa are bffs change my mind #and rivusa is precious #charmix #winx rai dub #winx 4kids

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schizosupport · 10 months

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Do you maybe have some pointers or search term for the following? Thanks!

I met someone over easter, we spend a lot of time together on a boardgame retreat(idk how to call it) and even flirted a bit. We chatted a bit and a week after easter we talked on the phone for 3h. Now, barely another week later, he barely feels real. If I hadnt booked train tickets to visit him in June, Id be fine with never having contact to him again and probably would rarely think about him.

Doesnt help that we are usually both pretty busy people but Im currently between jobs and enjoy my freetime mostly at home alone.

This is just one illustrating situation. Everything seems to fade much more quickly than its supposed to, unless I make a huge effort to keep people in my mind and meet them regularly.

Also, the memories of that weekend are already dulled and I knew I enjoyed it but cant really recall the joy. Its like I remember more facts than emotions.

Hmm I'm not sure if I can think of something specific at this moment (to be fair I'm procrastinating from sleeping in the middle of the night after taking my sleepy drugs so that's not too say that there isn't a good term out there).

But I kind of feel you on this, and I think many people do. Like there can be these relatively intense encounters that exist in a certain time and space. And in the moment you may have every intention and feeling due to the current intensity of connection, that it needs to last. I think unless you are feeling lonely, it doesn't need to be a bad tendency.

I do think it can be worth it to reiterate to yourself stuff like "no i really did have fun at the event" and "i really did enjoy connecting with that person". Bc when you operate in this way, at least for me, it can become very hard to motivate myself to go anywhere and do anything. Bc I don't remember that it was fun or joyful.

I'm not sure about terms - I'm thinking that with depression for example it's been proven that clinical depression is associated with a marked tendency to remember mostly negative events strongly, and for memories of good times to fade quicker. So there could be a bunch of cognitive biases involved, especially so if you find that the tendency to fade is stronger whenever it's about something actually nice.

I can't think of a good term because it might not be a 'psychiatric symptom' and might be more of a psychological tendency that can't be easily encompassed by one word, but which it might be helpful to explore in therapy if given the chance.

In any case I hope this answer finds you well!

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songmingisthighs · 10 months

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✨me✨

Is it wrong I want San to have an intense nightmare where he recalls the initial incident where he almost killed her and then the mug one but his nightmare twists it so he actually did do it and he recognizes his genuine true feelings for her through the horror that the nightmare inflicts upon him and wakes up in true fear and screaming alone in his apartment crying and realizes he does still love her but he can’t be with her until he actually works on himself first through therapy and then trying to stabilize his moods or find some outlet for his negative emotions (besides Y/N’s “outlet”) before he can even bring himself to go near her and try to win her back. Idk about apologizing tho bc you can do that anywhere as long as ya mean it but like damn, is it possible for this group as a whole to get a discount for their company to get help?

👁👄👁

that's... dark. but i love it lmao subconscious torture to haunt his stupid decision making ass until he fucking repents or make things right with (y/n)

and miss maam the furries need to take a looooooong vacation. at a psych ward bc i don't think their stupidity is mere MALE stupidity, it's probably a form of mass hysteria but for stupidity bc good god wtf were they thinking

#smt answer #✨️ anon ✨️ ask

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 1 year

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TW for repressed memories, CSA (not graphic), self harm mention

Mostly looking for reassurance/validation, advice also would be nice.

After wondering for a few years if I have repressed childhood trauma and sometimes getting hyperfixated on the subject and doing a lot of research and asking for advice, I think I'm finally starting to accept the reality that it's... very likely I do have repressed trauma. I don't have anyone to talk to about this, at least no one who really gets it, and can't afford professional help at the moment so I just wanted to vent a little. I'm still struggling with a lot of self doubt because I've been manipulated a lot in life and I guess I see myself as "easily manipulated" so I keep thinking, what if I just tricked my own brain into feeling very bad about a part of my childhood that I have no memory of just because I was sick a few times and that's all I remember, and I subconsciously feel like the other traumatizing stuff I went through in life "wasn't enough"? But then like, if I was making it up why would I keep coming back to this subject? Can you really trick yourself into having such intense feelings? There are lots of other little signs too.

And I'm angry my parents never noticed. At first my parents not knowing I was being abused in daycare was a big factor that made me doubt my repressed memories. I thought there was no way they really just didn't know. But then again, they clearly thought there was something wrong with me because they were convinced I had autism based on how I acted as a child and as a teenager (I don't have autism, I'm just really quiet around them because they're emotionally abusive and they don't get that lol). They never knew I was depressed as a teenager or that I self harmed. They missed so many things about me. They put so much faith in anyone who is religious, of course they wouldn't doubt a religious daycare worker. And I'm almost certain if I tried to tell them now about my repressed memories, they wouldn't believe me.

I'm angry that I had my childhood stolen from me. I mourn the person I could've been. I'm so sad for my child self for having to grow up with disturbing thoughts and symptoms but unable to talk to anyone about it because of shame, because I didn't want to be a bad Christian.

I don't know what to do now. I've been told the first step is to just allow myself to feel these emotions instead of suppressing them out of fear I'm just making it all up, so I'm trying my best to do that now. I wish I could afford therapy, but then again knowing myself, I would be scared to open up to a therapist about this anyway. It's so much easier to just vent about it online.

If you could, do you have any free online resources that could help me? I'm not sure where to go from here, but I want to heal. It's taken me 21 years to figure this out. I know trying to recall repressed memories on your own can be dangerous so I'm not doing that, but I'd appreciate any advice on how to deal with everything after figuring out you have repressed memories because it all just feels like so much right now.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through.

First of all, please know you're not alone in the way you feel towards your potentially repressed memories. I've seen various asks of other people questioning the validity of their repressed memories.

A sign of repressed memories is an intense negative emotion, such as disgust, grief, fear, anger, sadness, etc. Something you may find helpful is to ask yourself, if you think you're making it up, what purpose is it serving then? What would you be getting out of making it up that you couldn't get otherwise? The thing is that "making it up" is an active choice, and so, if you're unsure, then it's likely that you're not making it up. I can definitely see how your experience with manipulation may be influencing your doubts.

To speak to feeling like what you've been through "wasn't enough", trauma is not necessarily defined by what happened, instead it is defined by whether or not you deemed it traumatic. This is largely because people are so different (environment, genetics, resilience, other factors) that one particular event could be traumatizing for one person but not for the other, meaning that there is no objective measurement of what is traumatic enough. If it was traumatizing for you, then it's trauma.

Your anger is justified, both towards your parents and towards how your childhood felt stolen from you. I can see how your parents' obliviousness to what was happening at daycare shaped how you perceive your own experiences there. I also hear how your parents seemed to miss a lot of red flags or misattribute them to autism. I can also see how being raised Christian made you feel isolated in terms of verbalizing what you were going through.

I think allowing yourself to feel your emotions without judgment is important, but I don't know that it's the first step necessarily. I've been healing from my trauma for about 8 years now and I've only just begun allowing myself to feel my emotions. I think the steps can be a little different for everyone, but I also think that it can be dangerous to your mental health to fully feel intense emotions related to your trauma without the mediation of a mental health professional.

I would say that the first step is to acknowledge what happened, but I also want to emphasize that there is no rush. Just ride out the stages of grief, and move past each stage at your own pace. You have more time to heal than you may think. Allowing yourself to take the next step when you're ready to do so is paramount.

This article says that some things you could try is journaling, meditation, art, yoga, or therapy (although I know that's not really an option for you right now), but other somatic modalities.

Ultimately, it's important to be gentile and patient with yourself as you process these experiences and heal. Be sure to practice self care, whether that's taking care of your hygiene or treating yourself.

If anyone else has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#trauma talks #mod bun #tw abuse #tw child abuse #tw sh #tw self harm #tw emotional abuse #tw csa #tw sa #tw religious abuse

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leweebdepoche · 2 years

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ONE PIECE FILM: RED (Action/Comedy/Fantasy/Adventure/Musical anime) 2022 - Film

Goro Taniguchi/Kuroiwa Tsutomu

Rating: 1/10

To all those who are hesitating to go and see One Piece Film: Red, I hope this review can help you. Unfortunately, I don't have much to say about this deeply disappointing film. If like me, you were expecting a movie that would stay in the fiber of the series as we know it with everything that makes One Piece such a great anime, I strongly recommend not to go see this movie...

It is with such sadness that I write this review because as a fan of the anime, it is with great hope that I went to see One Piece Film: Red, and it is with the feeling of having spent my money for nothing that I came out of the theatre. From the story to the animation to the direction, there is nothing in this film that I can't criticize. Between too many flashbacks from which we don't expect anything more than what we already know or guess, a sometimes disjointed and globally poorly constructed story, but above all highly predictable from beginning to end as well as a chaotic animation, mixing completely different styles, One Piece Film: Red gives the impression of a sour mix between Belle and Naruto which we could have done without.

It would be good if the negative points stopped there but unfortunately, they continue to accumulate throughout the film. The characters have become bland because they have lost their substance, the osts don't go well with the numerous music and the different action scenes, a lack of depth in a plot that is neither surprising nor interesting... We are even surprised that the result is so bad!

The only positive thing we can take from it is the very good music, the excellent action scenes, and the cool outfits, but you have to keep up with it because you get bored between each fight! I don't recall One Piece being a bad shonen which only interest lies in its fight scenes... And that's the main point of my review. We love One Piece for its originality, wisdom, its extreme action and comedy but above all for the condensed and very intense emotions that the anime makes us feel. But in One Piece Film: Red, the only moment I slightly felt something (Spoiler alert!) is the short passage in which Shanks opposes the Marine to keep Uta with him. That's far too little for an anime of its caliber!

One Piece lovers, a piece of advice: continue the series, but don't waste your time with One Piece Film: Red. The disappointment is far too great compared to the expectations.

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jesuis-melodrama · 2 years

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Regarding Akumas –

I don't think it's fair to claim that Marinette holds just as much responsibility as Chloé and Lila in terms of causing them.

The big difference is attitude.

In the events of Miraculous, the two years they're experiencing are apparently the first time Paris has faced any kind of supernatural, magical threat, with Ladybug and Chat Noir being their first superheroes.

While Chloé is definitely aware that her bullying could cause enough emotional disarray in her victims, enough that they'll attract Le Papillon's attention and manifest into Akumas, I can't really recall a single episode where Chloé has done this intentionally (although, please feel free to correct me).

In Le Dislocoeur, she deliberately humiliates Kim for believing he could even be worthy of bagging Chloé as a Valentine's date, and she used Sabrina as an outlet for her own humiliation in Antibug, but she evidently does not intend for them to become Akumas. It is simply what she has already always done, even before being aware that Le Papillon's dark presence over the city could be used as a form of weapon.

This notion is proved by how many of the Akumas she 'caused': Le Dislocoeur, L'Invisible, Coeur de Pierre, and Le Dessinateur ends up hunting her down, much to Chloé physical and verbal displeasure, and she often mocks them for becoming Akumas afterwards, renewing her vengeance towards those victims, calling them 'monsters' (S1E26).

I can even make the argument that for the first time, Chloé is experiencing consequences of her bullying, although it is a lesson she has consistently failed to learn.

But even so, although the intent of creation is not there, Chloé's attitude is obvious. She neither cares that she has 'caused' Akumas, nor does she feel any empathy or remorse.

Lila is partially of the same calibre.

In one of Season 3's most intense moments, Caméléon shows Marinette, Ladybug, Heroine of the City herself, nearly Akumatised 2 times as a direct cause of Lila's conduct.

While Lila is not aware of this (Marinette herself isn't even aware of the first attempted Akumatisation), there is no doubt that she would not feel regret, nor empathy, nor make any attempts of correcting her behaviour if she does learn of this fact.

Like Chloé with her victims, Marinette becoming an Akuma would only be a source of detriment to Lila, provide no benefit, unless she could turn the tide on Marinette, marking her as an unreasonable aggressor, painting herself as a saintly, undeserving victim (which, I cannot predict if possible, as Lila is a very skilled manipulator, but Princesse Justice's power should be centralised on revealing the truth, which will be difficult for Lila to overcome if affected, but then again, she doesn't need to challenge what she'll be forced to reveal, she just need to convince her classmates that the 'truth' is not what it seems), but only when she puts herself in danger first.

And, as shown in Oni-Chan, Lila is deathly afraid of vengeful Akumas, and overtly concerned with her own wellbeing. She'll back out of the situation if it is beyond her control.

Marinette does feel regret, she does feel remorse, and she is negatively impacted, not only because most of her 'caused' Akumas come after her, but because she has to be the one to risk her life and health to Purify them. Like to Chloé and Lila, unless she is the Akuma herself, she experience no benefits.

The argument of 'acting as she always did', similar to Chloé, could also be applied to Marinette.

This argument needs to be adjusted for two points: 1) Marinette has become more confident in the visible Miraculous timeline compared to her past self, and; 2) Marinette never had the intention of slighting others, she is focused on what she can be achieving.

In assertion of Point 1, in Season 1, Episode 25: Marinette and Sabine exchanges this conversation:

Marinette: I bet you anything Chloé will be in my class again. Sabine: Four years in a row, is that possible? Marinette: Definitely. Lucky me! Sabine: Oh, don't say that! It's the start of a new year - I'm sure everything will be just fine!

Which implies that if Marinette and Chloé did not know each other out of school, then Chloé has been bullying Marinette in class for at least four years.

And – seeing that Chloé has never expressively received any consequences for her tyranny at school at this point, this kind of relentless abuse would be a blow to any child's self-esteem and confidence.

Marinette is introduced as a passionate, quirky, and positive girl, but the audience can almost immediately see her defensiveness, resignation, and exasperation when dealing with Chloé in regards to her tone, speech, and body language.

Marinette has difficulty challenging Chloé, and although she does not give up immediately, most of her bravado is for show, she does not win many of her fights against her bully. In Ladybug et Chat Noir (Origines - Partie 1), the earliest episode in the timeline, Marinette makes sure that Chloé is at least aware of her indignation and stance if she is not going to respect it. And in Le Bulleur, Chloé's first chronicled appearance in the episodes listing, Marinette does not relent speaking to Adrien, even though Chloé made her impatience evident, Chloé had to physically shove Marinette away to have her turn.

But Ladybug et Chat Noir (Origines - Partie 1) also introduced two new elements that Marinette never had the advantage of before: the Ladybug Miraculous in her grasp, and the new student Alya Césaire as her unchallengeable best friend.

Both the Ladybug Earrings and Alya awards Marinette something she is in lack of: confidence.

Seeing a dear friend in trouble, and having the power to do something about it (the car that crushes Alya in Cœur de Pierre (Origines - Partie 2)) shocks Marinette into action, and fills her with an unprecedented determination and steely demeanour.

This event is what introduces Ladybug's stern, confident, no-nonsense image.

It makes one wonder what would happen to Marinette's story, would she always remain the timid, passive girl of her former self if she had never come into contact with Tikki or Alya? And how different would she be if she only have possession of one party and not the other?

But that's an analysis for another day.

The success of Point 1 is ultimately proven in Maledikteur in how Marinette reacts to Chloé's flimsy machismo and insults.

Chloé: Ugh, you're all a bunch of losers! (looks at Adrien) Except you, Adrikins. None of you deserve to see the rest of my documentary! Marinette: (rolls her eyes) Oh, what a shame. (eyes widens when she realises what she said, covering her mouth)

Apart from the astonishing fact that Madame Bustier's class has grown immune to Chloé's sharp tongue and self-appointed superiority, Marinette seems to have completely lost all her fear of Chloé.

She seems to find her former bully as an irritation and bother now, rather than an intimidating and threatening figure.

When she covers her mouth in shock at procession of her own words, Marinette does not seem afraid of Chloé, how Chloé might react and retaliate towards her. More so, it appears that Marinette is just embarrassed and alarmed at how she accidentally vocalised one of her inside thoughts.

Which, apart from representing how little she thinks of Chloé now, demonstrates the incredible notion that Chloé is only insulting Marinette now because Marinette allows it, and is not bothered to correct Chloé, simply letting her former bully run around and mouths off because she knows that Chloé will not listen to her, and reprimanding her each time is only going to bring her more work than achievement.

It's an inspiration, how far Marinette has come.

She was always a treasured and core part of her friends-group and class, but I don't think it'll be an exaggeration to claim that Marinette is the true Queen Bee of Madame Bustier's homeroom network now, not only the actual déléguée de classe, but an unofficial leader everyone looks up to.

It's not mentioned in canon, but I imagine Marinette will be the girl everyone wants at their informal gatherings, to the extremes that they'll change the date if she could not make it, the top name on the list when sending invitations for movie dates or picnics, and the connoisseur everyone turns to when they need advice and help regarding everything from fashion to school projects to romance (Marinette is actually quite good at romantic insight and orchestrating getaways and dates, when it doesn't involve Adrien, she helped Mylène and Ivan get together, fixed misunderstandings between Nathaniel and Marc, and inadvertently jumpstarted Alya and Nino's relationship).

In regards to Point 2, Chloé and Lila are as 'cruel' as always (in dubious state concerning Lila, because there is no information on the personality she had before coming to Paris), and Marinette is simply a little too self-focused and single-minded at times.

I'll like to bring forth to the table, Episode 15 of Season 1: Le Gamer.

The contention regarding not only Marinette's but other character's behaviour in the episode is some of the strangest I've seen out of any Miraculous discourse.

There isn't a specific idea that I'm challenging, as my memory is rather hazy regarding this discussion, but I do not believe that Max is sexist. It seems to be a very unprompted and rather self-projected idea, from the theorists' own experiences with misogyny in the video-game community.

I always believed that Max was simply devastatingly crushed, not only to be defeated so easily, but by someone he has always dismissed as inexperienced and awkward in video games, so it is not only a blow to his confidence in his abilities, but to his intelligence as well, that he had let such a genius go unnoticed even when he hangs around her almost every day in class.

And Marinette's own actions – I don't think it's fair to call her malicious for wiping the floor with Max simply because she had the intention of getting closer with Adrien rather than competing in the Ultimate Mecha Strike III tournament as a serious player.

It could be a little disrespectful to the sport, but competitive gaming doesn't admit players based on passion, it tests based on skill, and Marinette did not cheat, she was simply better than Max.

Unlike Chloé and Lila, when facing many of their victims, even though they did not intend for the outcome to be Akumatisation, they did mean to deliberately antagonise them. Chloé means to make her classmates feel small and humiliated, and Lila did mean for Marinette to feel inadequate and ostracised.

But when Marinette defeated Max, she wasn't thinking about how the situation could ruin him, she was thinking about what she could gain if she wins.

Turning Max into an Akuma was not anywhere near her list of goals. Canonically, getting into a team with Adrien was her primary objective.

In Audimatrix, Ladybug reacted calmly and with dignity, elegantly removing herself from the presence of a relentless and impolite journalist, whose sensationalising manner not only makes Ladybug uncomfortable, but serves to intimidate the heroine for her own benefit. Turning into an Akuma is only a result of Nadja Chamack's own high expectations and demanding behaviour.

In Papa Garou, that situation was out of everyone's control but Tom's. Sabine could see he was going too far and is unsuccessful in reining him down, Chat Noir was told a untruth that he awkwardly tried to overcome, having never been in such a situation before, and Marinette, although she did lie to Chat Noir, she never said anything of the sort to Tom, who simply overheard and jumped to conclusions.

In Antibug, Ladybug bears a little more responsibility as a hero. She did treat Chloé with animosity, strange enough from her usual attitude, that even Chat Noir noticed the difference. If Chloé is a regular overbearing fan (which I'm sure Ladybug had plenty of contact with), Ladybug would not be as annoyed and dismissive as she was of her. She would've heeded Chloé's words a little more, taken her histrionic advice instead of completely disregarding her. But even when Ladybug knows Chloé, actively feels disgust of having to tolerate and endure the affections of her bully, Ladybug is still professional and appropriately distant, reprimanding her several times for interfering in dangerous situations, and it is ultimately Chloé's own disappointment in not being adored by her hero (and, also eavesdropping on her conversations) that spurred her Akumatization.

Even without the comparison to Chloé and Lila, our villains of the Miraculous storyline, Marinette, independently, cannot be reasonably accused of causing ire.

Many of her actions only caused devastation because it is Le Papillon taking advantage of emotional Parisians, and not because Marinette intends to cause harm, or intends to antagonise her 'victims'.

If simply defending herself or acting for her own benefits or being in the temperamental deportment of a normal teenager is enough to discredit Marinette to the point of challenging her status as a hero, or colour her as a villain, then there is not much hope for any Miraculous character when the same logic is utilised on them.

There is nothing wrong with Marinette being focused on her own goals, or disregarding others especially if she dislikes them, or if they have deliberate intentions of causing harm to her person and reputation for their own benefits.

And at the end of it all, unlike any other Miraculous character, Marinette does not only suffer consequences, she is tasked with the primary burden of fixing the situation, usually to her own detriment, because she has to make space in her life for these constant, life-threatening events, lose career and social opportunities for the responsibility, and even worse, lie, the thing she hates to do most of all, to her beloved friends and family, digging a personal reprimand worse than any wound she could've gained.

Marinette doesn't cause Akumas, they may have inadvertently stemmed from her actions, but she is simply living her life, and should not have to endure responsibility when the man making the Akumas takes advantage of the simplest emotions of anger and sadness and regret, for his own perverted, selfish purposes.

Even Chloé and Lila could not be blamed, because neither of them holds to power to create Akuma, and the full-grown man who can is not compelled by them to do so.

He chooses to, and that's the worst evil of all.

#miraculous #marinette dupain-cheng #ladybug #analysis

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