#and like my mom asked me why they didnt have any other songs to perform

[icecreamkink]

watched all of the untamed / cql in two weeks after my friend 1 told me abt mdzs a hundred years ago and my friends 2 and 3 tried to get me into cql for like two whole years and there are.

feelings.

very first scene is a very dramatic death in the middle of nightmare battle on sith planet land . i will forget abt it in the next tenish episodes and then will be very surprised when it becomes Extremely Painful

anyway magic flying gays and possession and human sacrifice! we are off to a great start

in retrospect, chaos goblin wei wuxian must have had a blast pretending to be so cRaZy and be as disruptive as he could as mo xuanyu lbr

listen. why is fire always evil coded. cant a magic clan wear red, black and orange and have flame motif while being wholesome?

For Legal Reasons These Are Not Zombies

i wish the politics of the sect were a bit clearer, especially at the beggining when the wen clan had sm power, was wen ruohan the chief cultivator? is that why they were so slow in responding to the attacks? im v confused by the pre yiling patriarch politics

fighting in the roof by the moonlight as way of flirtiiiiiiing. as i understand this is a wuxia/xianxia trope and honestly...... thank u for ur service

slight bullying and being a nuisance in general, as a way of flirting we love to see it

wwx: if i drink on the rooftop, thats not inside the cloud recesses! hmmm check and mate :D lwj: i will fuck u up so help me god   wwx: :0

i lov them

through hell or high water (quite literally) wei wuxian rem ains a trashfire gremlin till the end and i love him with my whole heart

in the pt subs wei wuxian calls jiang cheng a stubborn duck and i dearly wish that had come back

my opinions on almost every character goes from love to hate u - Hmm Me Like U - BABY. ILY. and i am Very Pleased w that. its been a while since i loved such a complete cast so much i think

no really. i WONT go into a detailed rant abt what i love about each of these characters and each of their relationships to each other. but i COULD. 

some lan disciples in the loudest whisper ever: YEAH THATS THE JIN BASTARD MENG YAO HEARD THE GOT SUPER HUMILIATED BY HIS DAD LOL SURE HOPE HE DOESNT TAKE SLIGHTS TO HIS CHARACTER TO HEART

lan xichen, immediately: i must Love him 

being into problematic ppl is in the Lan genetics, we come to realize

wen qing deserves so many awards for so many things but not snapping and just stabbing wen chao is at the top 

that scene at lan qirens class where wwx talks about using resentful energy to fight a violent spirit. exquisite.

 It establishes Good Student lan wangji, wei wuxian as curious and questioning and not afraid of taboo,  lwj sees that wwx is not, in fact, a dumb ass hes just a Dumbass,  shows us the audience (esp. a western audience) how shocking the idea of disrupting the dead/dying and controlling resentful energy actually is,  the theoretical foreshadow arguing, everyone else like ‘shUT UP’,  “and how could you ensure that the resentful energy would obey you and not hurt other?” “well i havent thought that far” and of course, lan qiren just straight up lobbing a hard object at wwx head,. chefs kiss

fellas is it gay to bother the hot rule obessessed nerd from ur school and make drawings of him with flowers in his hair and then hide gay porn in his book to antagonize him and ask him to hold ur hand and be ur friend and talk to him all the time and get him drunk and give him bunnies bc you know he likes them and give him a lantern and always want his attention and dedicate yourself to getting him to smile-

and after all of that wwx rly said oh i Admire him, aksd like yeah we all were there in high school buddy

i have Learned. caves = gay.

 accidental marriage +beint physically tied together with the sacred married ribbon+ gay panic+foreshadowing+bunnies! in the cave (1)

the story abt lan yi and baoshan sanren tho. i would like to see it

early days wen bros pull my heart strings like a guqin 

EVERYTHING about the lantern scene; disaster hets jiang yanli and jin zixuan; how wwx made lwj a bunny lantern. how soft and touched lwj was. wwx gleefully pointing out he was smiling and lwj IMMEDIATELY PULLING HIW SWORD ON HIM LMAO. tragically foreshadowy promises to do right by pepople, living without regrets. lwjs 'oh no do i love him??' face. just. all of it. 

i have it on good acc that in the novel lwj is explicitly Repressed Gay Panicked Big Horny which is delightful and rly Adds to the performance

 baby lwj is really just conceal dont feel dont let them know u have EMOTIONS (derogatory)

jiang cheng rly went "why dont.u go play with HIM if u like him so much"

jc and wwx have big BIG annoying sibling energy dont think too hard abt it or youll cry

lotus pier is soo pretty :((((((((((((((((

up until episode 13 you could think this could be a magical ancient chinese gays pride n prejudice w swords and shenanigans ................youre just not prepared for the game of thrones of it all

seriously ha ha ha i cried so much w this show my eyes genuinely swelled up . like. physically. fun timez fun timez

that being said, its hilarious that wen xu goes to cloud recesses like 'come out or ill kill all these hostages' and then DOESNT WAIT FOR AN ASWER AND KILLS THEM ALL IMMEDIATELY. do u know how blackmail works sir

 would like to make it recorded that from day one i was like 'CALL A GODDAMN CULTIVATION G20 THIS ASSHOLE SECT IS LITERALLY MASSACRING YALL!!' and it took them like 3 or 4 massacres to do anything and they STILL sent their heirs into their territory  LIKE

when wwx cites the gusu lan rules to wen chao tho. that rebel/attention whore/cutie pie 'look lan zhan i DID memorize the rules after all' ‘also a big fuck you to the wen sect :D :D’ sweet spot that scene achieves . delicious

all the cultivator young masters being petty af even though they are practically prisoners at the cave is hilarious and i love them

hurt and comfort + gay mistunderstandings + watsonian gay declaration music + accidental evil acquisition! at the cave (2)

its like where do i start? the fact theyre both trapped and kind of heavily injured inside an isolated cave with a murder turtle? wwx gay panicking lwj into coughing up bad blood? lwj being jealous as wwx babbles abt mianmian? telling him he shouldnt play with people and wwx saying he never played him? wwx going Oh. I See what is happening. YOU like mianmian, and lwj absolute done face ??? (iconic) wwx touching the sacred married ribbon Again? the telepathic communication? the sword? WEI WUXIAN ASKING LAN WANGJI TO SING TO HIM AS HE IS PASSING OUT AND LWJ SINGING HIM. THE SONG. HE WROTE. FOR WWX. AND THAT HE CALLED. THEIR SHIP NAME????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

they are SO insufferable pleeeeease

in the words of my friend 1 : “CQL is so gay we were all amazed how it got past the censors Ofc unfortunately it can't be novel level gay But they did their best And we love them for it”

in the theme of songs THIS OST. WUJI HAS BEEN LIVING IN MY MIND RENT FREE SINCE I FIRST HEARD IT the whole ost is so so sO beautiful.

 the costuming in this is also soooo exquisite. the embroidery? the fabrics? the details? how every sect and clan has a distinct style and architecture? (also ik they based each off of dif periods in chinese history which is REALLY fucking cool) just chefs kiss

the direction too!. i enjoy the unusual camera movements and i think they give it that Vibe, also their composition is PARTICULARLY good when it comes to telling the subtext through position of camera/position of character (like nhs off to the side in scenes he at first glance doesnt need to be/ how lwj is often centered when hes Jealous Yearning at wwx being affectionate w other ppl, wwx return from burial mounds etc)

ik madam yu is like Badass Milf Check and shes not getting any mom of the year awards but im delighted at how messy she is. IMAGINE that woman on tiktok

you better have enjoyed gay cave (2) bc its Just Pain from here on out! 

jiang fengmian and madame yu win the Most Dramatic Way to show they do care about each other, actually ..... ever :)

i thought jiang yanli jiang cheng and wei wuxian forcing themselves to escape yunmeng barely holding on after their parents are killed was going to be the height of pain in this show. ha. 

the family dynamics in general on this showwwww, both blood/ adopted/ found families, brotherly bonds and lifelong friendships just. rly. truly. fucked me up. theyre all so important and complicated and well rounded and beautiful and tragic

and beyond being a Win For the Gays im so glad the relationships w wwx and jiang yanli/ wen qing were NOT changed from platonic bc they are so much better like that imo. like maybe if we didnt Live In A Society it wouldnt be so, but the fact wwx and others can love and value them so much and theres nothing romantic or sexual abt it is like. so refreshing. especially @ jyl, with the way he and jc are overprotective of her and shes such a nurturing/care taker figure for them, it would just not vibe as well if they made it romantic

i love that this is a story abt Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Patriarch aka Actual Satan/Boogey Man/Village With/Public Enemy Number One , my dude is literally a necromancer who only dresses in black and has evil smokey black tendrils wafting out of him, but the really edgy one is still jiang cheng, pastel purple fashion icon

and speaking of best/worst siblings wei wuxian and jiang cheng *immediately starts crying* 

The Golden Core Transfer i just. no thots only tears 

wen qing and wen ning putting themselves in so much danger just.... to help them. wn saving jc from wen chao. wq finding a way to get wwx to transfer his core. like thinking about the monumental work these two did to help wwx and jyl and jc... jyl trying so fucking hard to be strong and keep on moving and giver her little brothers comfort after losing everything... jiang cheng. losing his parents and his home and his ability to do anything abt it and his complete desperation and lack of self worth and turning on them with agression  when he didnt realize all that they did for him ... hhhhhhhhhhhhh

me, pointing at the whole cast “i just LOVE them mom!!!”

its sad tho, that BARELY ANY of the women have like.... actual important conversations let alone relationships with each other at all in the story. and like wq and jyl have stayed at the same place for extended periods of time, where wq actively took care of her TWICE,  and still! not one measly convo, nothing! ................ .𝓌ₕᵧ

everyone in this show need a good sip of Self Worth and Stop Sacrificing Yourself juice 

ngl the sword flying looks very dumb 

“a-cheng, please bring a-xian back.” “i will, i promise.” ;-;

the whole calling each other by the More Intimate Version of the name, first as teasing and later as true intimacy. mmmhmmm yes

untamed where everythings the same but wwx evil flute song is eoeo

related that scene when wwx comes back from the burial mounds for the first time w demonic cultivation and he acts all formal and calls lwj hanguang-jun and keeps being evasive and distant and mean and soooooo................. facetious 

and how hes kind of desperately trying to keep intense lwj at bay (A FIRST) and avoiding actually talking to either of them and its all tension ughhh and then he MOCKS his and lwjs relationship, he jokes w him in this like... mean echo of their usual ~banter~ oof 

 and like!!! uncertain but so relieved jc who just HUGS him w no reservations for once and its not like he isnt just as worried as lwj abt wwx and what hes doing, but he chooses in that moment to enjoy getting him back first and mmhmMMMmMm yes (maybe my favorite scene in the whole show? MAYBE SO. ) 

highkey hurt me but also. i might be into mean wwx. i will take no criticism.

lan zhans sad eyes tho :((((((((( 

on one hand i wish we could have seen what happened at the burial mounds but on the other the timeskip adds so much flair to his return so im hnnn

also i love that hes been missing for 3 months reappears kinda melancholic and bloodthirsty and knowing malign tricks and jc is like 'so. are u sad bc of lan wangji'

when ur bae survived the war but he thinks ur evil/ might be evil so you cant kiss :///

hmmm talking at the rooftop under the moonlight not mentioning everything that stands between usssss

they are the two jades of lan and we’ll be the two heroes of yunmeng is the type of line u dont even need to know whats gonna happen to know thats gonna be sad

when they fight wen ruoshan at the nightless city i thought that was the battle we see at the first ep and its not and its so easy and theyre all like ‘yayy we won go wwx!’ i was just. SCREAMS WHAT is gonna HAPPEN

so like. post burial mounds/sunshot campaign pre yiling patriarch wwx is like. ultra arrogant, ultra mocking, peak lil shit and it gave me e v e r y t h i n g i wanted

even tho having the wen prisoners at the targets at phoenix mountain and still having wwx and jzx shooting the arrows was???? so.... tone deaf 

wwx: fucking w demonic energy   jyl: he has never done anything wrong in his life, ever <3 <3 (mood)

the parallels between meng yao/wei wuxian (and even xue yang a bit?) are Seen and they are Valid

wwx post burial mounds: can yall SHUT UP abt the goddamn sword (suibian left the chat)

LIKE truly, we talk abt the angst and yearning with wangxian. but what abt wwx and suibian. xianbian / xianqing angst and comfort 100k

take a shot everytime someone coughs up blood

zidian is simply the coolest spiritual weapon rip to suibian and chenqing and bichen and sendou and baixa........ but tis the truth 

cons: everyones families died in a nightmare war! everyones homes burned to the ground! everyone is traumatized! pros: everyone gets cooler clothes and weapons!!

wen ning and a-yuan and yanli bestest babes squad dont touch me rn

everyone: brooding and fighting                                                                wq and jyl: why dont you try some acupunture/drinking some soup and calm down huh? how abt that bitch?? 

showing the battle/massacre at the nightless city first was genius actually bc then everytime we have a cute scene w yunmeng bros and theyre like 'we'll be together forever! uwu' youre like oh. oh no. oh no no no. 

justice vs lawfulness vs means and ends 👁

jc: stay in the right path and practice the art of the sword                        wx: yeah thats not gonna happen chief

my reaction to wwx renouncing to the sect politics to help the wens was just that elmo burning gif in succession

the dramatic rain. wen qing desperately calling out to wen ning. the ghosts/puppets killing the guards. how terrifying wn actually was while wwx was controlling him :( lwj goeing after him to try and stop him and then he just; he Sees him and understands him even if he cant actually do anything about it other than let them go. 

“there must be somewhere in this earth we can go to :(((((((((”

"IF I HAVE TO FIGHT THEM, I'D RATHER IT BE YOU. DYING BY YOUR HANDS WOULD AT LEAST BE WORTH IT." oh my god oh my god oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddd

also lwjs umbrella is white w black smoke.. .  . nice

yiling patriarch / demonic farming burial mounds settlement is like one of my favorite concepts. they an "EVIL" FARMING COMMUNITY LED BY THE VILLAGE WITCH COME ON

they planted TURNIPS and LOTUS FLOWERS and ONE (1) baby and made lanterns and a common hall :(((((((

wen qing and wei wuxian, baddest bitches and genius science best friends i absolutely LOVED to see it. they rly went ‘is anyone gonna sibling/project partner that’ and didnt wait for an answer

both wwx and jyl getting lotus ponds at the burial mounds and in lanling bc they miss lotus pier ;;;;;;;w

;;;;; wish jyl had actually gone into the burial mounds. we were robbed of jyl and wq meeting again and jyl meeting a-yuan and seeing the settlement and the homes and all ;w; at least jc did go, stab wounds and broken arms and all

wwx like... having thrown his whole life away to help the wens (yeah the sect leaders and jin guangshan in particular wanting his stygian tiger amulet was an Element but still) and not.... necessarily regretting it, but grappling with all of the consequences of it... becoming moody and drepressed at times, missing his family and lotus pier and his friends and probably simply missing being around people and causing trouble, extrovert that he is, lashing out at the wens and at a-yuan, just in general the whole messiness of that experience

the way the resentful energy does affect his temperament is rly nice bc its not too in your face,(i mean outside of the Shaky Hands of Rage) but like he clearly has a much lesser control on his anger and impulsivity (tall order) than both before bm and after hes ressurected

on that note A-YUAN BABIEST BABY BOY BEST BOY

lan zhan being like oh hey there wei ying fancy meeting u and our son here. just passing by u know how it is hmmmmMm and then PLOT TWIST having defied orders to go see him and being punished for it. oof;;

 they habent seen each other in like? a year? and now theyre tgt 10 seconds and are already parenting a child together

also lwj rly kneels down in the snow way too much to be healthy

wwx: calm down guyssss i wont lose control of demonic cultivation omgggg  .   spoiler alert: he loses control of demonic cultivation

did u enjoy cute children? good bc now the Real Pain Begins

jiang yanli and jin zixuan rly out there APROPRIATING both disaster gays AND bury ur gays huh ;w;

i KNEW jin lings birthday was gonna fuck something up but the GASP that left my body when wwx lost control of wn and killed jin zixuan .. . . 

im sorry and thank you aaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAaAAAAA 

when wen ning and wen qing were telling wwx their plan i was saying NO NO NO NO NO NO out loud in despair 

also can we talk abt how wq is definetely talking about only the both of them surrending themselves but then? everyone else just surrenders w them? IT MAKES NO SENSE LIKE WHY WOULD THEY what would be the Point

 sometimes there are some pretty gaping jumps in logic and continuity that are just like                     ?          ?

wwx: oh so when you try to murder me its justified but when i survive through dark magic and murder all of you its a "war crime"

unsurprisingly, his most feral, most spiraling moment talking to the sect leaders on the roof and attacking them and even fighting lan zhan is among my favorite scenes... its like, so painful to watch but also   so       thrilling   (and maybe my wen bbs dying arose some resentful energy in me what can i say) 

and its JUST, all they ever wanted was to do good but then... war. and trauma. and hubris. 

jiang cheng on the ground clearly thorn between what to do and feel is a Mood, lets just say

i was already crying when jyl showed up, but if i wasnt-

 i suffered SO MUCH through this series trying to figure out WHY jc would kill wwx. and when i understood. its somehow not as bad as i thought and also MUCH MUCH WORSE

a look into my group chat during the last flashback episodes:

SO ANYWAY. after the BLOOD BATH and RIPPING YOUR HEART OUT and FEEDING IT TO YOU  the untamed goes ‘ayy back to the present!! tu du dud ud du’ 

literally it ends a quarter into an episode and then KEEPS GOING i had to pause and stare blankly at the ceiling for an hour

babie cultivators and detective soulmates . i do need some cute after All of That 

(not that the pain is over LOL)

lwj is significantly less emotionally repressed in the present and its delightful. hes just ALL IN with wwx. and not just in the ‘i would and have killed various men and risked my reputation for you’ but also ‘ur tired here have a drink i brought it up cause i know u like it and it want you to be happy, always’

“when everyone praised me and wanted my power, you were the only one that challenged me. now that everyone hates me and wants me dead, youre the only one that stands by my side.” hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

and just filling in the blanks how lan zhan searched for him. for all of those 16 years he searched for him and was punished for it and raised a-yuan, the only survivor of the burial mounds settlement, as his own in gusu......

and jiang cheng.  being the tough love uncle . having raised the yunmeng jiang clan from the rubble all alone, his whole family dead, some of it on the blame of his own brother, his siblings, his closest friends gone.......and only jin ling there needing his guidance. 

THE PARALLEL BETWEEN JIN LING BEING A LIFELINE FOR JIANG CHENG AND A-YUAN FOR LAN WANGJI AFTER THE BATTLE AT THE NIGHTLESS CITY  

great now i made myself sad

and like . the fact! that lwj and jc dislike each other!!. jc projects blame onto him for wwx both “leaving” him and indirectly causing their families deaths and when hes so consumed by it he makes wwx an enemy, lwj is there now? trying to protect him?? and lwj, who can never understand the pain that wwx , indirectly or not put jc through, but who was right there when jc tried to kill him and will never allow him to hurt wwx again. and how they like. in a way project blame of their tragedies onto each other while dealing with some type of survivor guilt and in their own way still loving wwx through it all???  amd in way its kind of fundamentally selfish but also tragically understandable? and like when u put it against the fact that after he disappears during the sunshot campaign they were looking for him together and fought together??

JUST. THE CHARACTERS. AND THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS. MAN. UGH. GOD. 

and like i think thats what makes it so good? its such a sad and painful and violent story, edgy even, but its compelling bc at the center of it there are all of these relationships and different types of love and hope and. :( i love it

enough crying lets talk abt wwx sleeping at the jingshi with lwj and wearing his under garment for a minute 🙏

 jin ling just has that Was Raised by JC energy tho lmao i love him

babie cultivator squad is the perfect ammount of cute and comedic relief while still bearing the weight? of the narrative in a way, both from sizhui and jin lings existences, and also. like. how do i put this. they feel hopeful? they were born after a war, they came of age at a time of relative peace, they dont hold on so closely to the resentments of their parents/father figures, they are specifically shown as more accepting and open minded. and its like.... Hope for the future  

one of the ?? things  i love the most is the fact that the main cast are often in situations where theyre hunted/running but they like. never wear disguises... just going around in their gorgeous expensive clan clothes and hair ornaments and distinctive spiritual weapons.... maybe w a straw hat on, just for kicks

wwx teacher 🥺🥺🥺

so this is why its called Yi City Misery huh

a-qing is such. an icon. im so sad. my girl even knew to leave xys dumb self rotting by the road but no one listens to her thats why theyre all dead or sad 

her and xue yang measuring each other up was so entertaining lmao

 its the funniest thing when hes like. HERES MY SAD STORY. FOR WHY IM A SADISTIC MURDERER. I BROKE MY HAND ONCE. 

like ok someone broke his hand in a horrible way, and like Poverty, i get it but also like.......... that lost the brunt of a proper sob story like, 50 sadistic murders ago bby

and i love that xingchen does not entertain that for a second hes like ‘not ?????? good enough???’ and the best thing is he wasnt even like 'u hadto be the bigger person' or sth but ' well then break that dudes hand back, rip his arm off for i care, what do the rest of us have to do w anything???” 

anjo sensato :(

xue yang is like..... the sexy sadistic evil version of a himbo..... a meanbo...

the fucked upness of xy’s feelings for xxc/ xxc and sl feelings for each other... like my dude literally gave his bf HIS EYES. and xy getting so attached to xxc .... the fucked up fake domesticity.... having him hurt sl..... then desperately trying to bring him back ...................... oof

song lan........... literally had his eyes AND tongue removed, his bfs eyes put in place, was almost killed, turned into a puppet by his bf unknowingly, manipulated by xy, sees his bf killing himself in despair.... and STILL finds the strenght to get up from there, and keep on traveling and helping people and attempting to fix xxcs soul.......... like, my man. damn. 

wangxian looking at songxiao and seeing an Actually more painful parallel for themselves. ft. that Color Coding. 

THE A-YUAN/SIZHUI REVEAL PUNCHED ME IN THE HEART but in a good way for a change

should have know that he would be the Best Boy the cute one w all the braincells

the butterfly AND the bunny lantern. i see how it is

u know is very convenient that no one can see the stark black veins on wen nings neck, ever 

BAT WEN NING 

wns face when lwj comes into wwx room like ‘:0 omg did u two finally get your shit together? good for you master wei good for u’ 

(they didnt) (yet)

DISASTER DRUNK LWJ. JUST. THRUST SOME CHICKENS TO SHOW UR RESSURECTED BAE THAT U LOVE THEM.

i have absolutely no idea WHY they gave lwj the same punishment for fighting his own sect/allies to protect the burial mounds as when they got drunk on cloud recess class days.... like? its such a ... emotional continuity error again

also is lwj gonna get an actual friend besides wwx , ever

mianmian marrying and having a family and a cute life after saying FUCK U AND UR SYSTEM TOO in a much less unhinged and dramatic way than wwx......... fills me w joy

also lol the idea that like. her husband not knowing that shes friends w satan/the boogey man/the village witch is hilarious

i love nie mingjue bc hes the resident Though Guy but also the most dramatic bitch in this show and thats Saying Something

jin ling cant have one uneventful relative can he

the fact that everyone present already knew “mo xuanyu” was wwx at the stairs is so funny, their faces are like ‘oh............ wow. that. sure is a development. shock” 

in the tradition of extremely loud whispers wwx tells lwj with twelve guards standing like one meter away from them: HEY PSH LAN ZHAN PRETEND IM FORCING YOU TO STAY W ME DO IT

oh my god oh my god

the absolute Yearning on his face when he leaves wwx and a-yuan at the burial mounds and refuses to stay for dinner was already Enough but the fact?? they brought it back?? to this declaration of love?? their expressions??????? strike me dead right now just go ahead

lFor Legal Reasons We Cant Kiss but we will have a very sappy declaration of love and trust and look at each other in way that is the actualization of 💞💘💗💖💓💘💞💗💖💘💗💖💕💞

also icb all the sect leaders and guards are standing there watching them say they like like each other with a dozen swords pointing at their neck

i enjoyed the depiction of the fickle public perception and how easily it can be used to scapegoat people. when the sect leaders turn on jgy and wwx knows thats its more for convenience than anything else...

poor lxc is literally like 'oh so when YOUR problematic boyfriend gets called evil its a misunderstanding but when its MY problematic bf-'

ok like i cant get over nmj let jgy play a song that messed with his temperament at all, like maN u KNEW he might be shady wth

wwx: “hey dont say anything bad abt lan zhan hes not an arrogant dick, thats just his face. 

ME ON THE OTHER HAND"

the cultivators as wwx is poking holes in their narrative is literally *nazaré meme*

"wei wuxian-!" "what did i break your leg, too?" not to be problematic but i laughed so hard

not as hard as "you dont have the rank to talk to me " tho

i Enjoy that, over the course of story, wwx sees that... theres nothing truly to Do, but move on. he saw how his arrogance and his mistakes hurt others, and hes trying to fix what he can, but he already did die for his mistakes and there are things he cant fix and that's. just how it is. even towards jgy, the narrative doesn't go gleefully and completely with "lets make THEM pay bc theyre the big bad" bc its not that simple, and it wouldn't lead anywhere but more pain...

re him and jiang cheng and the wens and kinda. isnt that what nhs did? scheming to displace jgy out of revenge more than any justice and doing so in the most painful way?

idk if that actually makes sense im truly just babbling

i thought the scene at the lotus pond would be CUTE but the context was PAIN again

jiang cheng finding out about his golden core and his conflict with wwx at the guanyin temple .... destroyed me but in a nice way kinda.... same way it destroys him look at his face oh god

and. the fact??? he sacrificed himself for wwx?? first?? and he'll probably never tell anyone much less wwx???? keeps me up at night

i havent decided if the neckbreak transition between jgy does sth super Evil or does he he does OR Does He yes he does O R does heeeee is sth i dislike or not

jin guangyao and wei wuxians most interesting parallel is that... theyve both seen 'hmm hey this system is fucked up' and wwx went 'so fuck it all i will renounce it and challenge it' and jgy went 'so fuck it i will use all of it to my advantage and manipulate it to my goals and whims'

the fact jgys mom was actually great and he loved her and his whole issue w it was more than simply being ashamed of being a bastard kinda got me ngl

never trust a dude with a fan.

nhs and jgy: the first rule to a convoluted and decades spanning violent revenge plot is to have fun and be yourself! 

when a-yuan finally FINALLY remembers ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; wen ning has someone in his family back and a-yuan has someone to talk abt his wen family and wwx has him back bc he survived and lwj raised him anD HES THEIR SON. THEYRE MARRIED AND HAVE A SON. UGH.

and theyre allowed to heal. everyone is allowed to try and recover and be happy

netflix put all of the 3 endings on top of each other and it looks kinda weird actually BUT I DONT EVEN MIND :’’’’’’’’’)

the gasp that left me when lwj says ‘wei ying’ and wwx turns.........

there was also a screen with ‘thank you mxtx for creating these characters, we hope their wishes come true’ and i might. have cried then too. maybe. 

that was . a ride. as is proven by this behemot of a ramble clearly i just really needed and Outlet. i am currently trying to convince dumb monkey brain to not consume the other medias of mdzs immediately bc i REALLY need to like. live. a life. and take care of real responsibilities.  *longest oh boi ever*

#m. #ANYWAY #ENOUGH TALKING #THIS IS SO LONG #LOL #but whatever this is MY performative journaling i do what i want #rambling impressions abt what i watch is a thing i do now? apparently?? #cql #untamed #the untamed #fun fact that chat is named 'k keeps on babbling abt the untamed' and it STILL wasnt enough #also it took me 15 episodes to realize lwj was yibo #IT WAS V SHOCKING #i did not recognize him at a l l #but in retrospect he WAS the perfect choice

[thesaunatest]

MY HUGE THEORY ON EL’S PLOTLINE IN S4

before you guys even start, YES I know that 99.9% of what I say is going to be wrong but this is literally just for fun.

its march 1986, middle of the school year and el HATES school

when we left her she was barely literate and had just started getting accostomed to speaking full sentences, NOWHERE NEAR a 9th grade level, so shes struggling in her classes to say the least

on top of that, she barely knows how to socialize with other people, so shes evidently getting picked on

with joyce and jonathan both working to keep the family afloat, will and el get left alone alot

but outside of the party, they socially have nothing in common

in fact, will is adapting to the new town a whole lot better than el. he fit right in with all the creative kids he met in class, but el didnt mesh with that crowd

anyway, our girl is sturggling

the only time she really has fun is when she visits hawkins, or when someone from the party visits them

which leads us to spring break

mike obviously comes to visit, and el doesnt want them to waste a single second so she begs mike and will to come explore the town with her

at this point joyce is already in her detective mode, hatching a rescue plan for hopper so she doesnt notice theyre gone

and jonathan is battling the heartbreak of nancy ghosting him when she was supposed to come visit

so the trio goes off on an adventure without anyone noticing.......... or so they think

because brenner is back, and he knows el is with the byers, but he cant go and snatch her because he doesnt have the resources all the way in california

in fact, he doesnt have the resources at all. his numbers experiment is seen as a catastrophic failure that lead to the deaths of hundreds of lab employees

the only way for him to redeem himself in the community, and gain his funding back is to present his peers with proof that the project can work, so he needs to get one of his numbers back

el is the only one he can track down, but he doesnt think he can do it himself. if she saw him, she could just kill him with her powers, he assumes because he doesnt know she lost them

so who does he employ to get el back to hawkins? lonnie byers

its almost too easy. it doesnt take much to bribe lonnie, and hey, its not like its his kid. so lonnie accepts the bribe, and goes all the way out to california to find el

he shows up at the byers house..... only to find it completely deserted. so he waits

and the trio finds him there after their day out (why are you here? what do you want? where are mom and jonathan?)

and lonnie, being as crafty as he is, comes up with a good excuse on the fly (hes craftier than i am because i genuinely have no idea what he would say)

anyway, he gets them in his car and on their way back to hawkins

jonathan shows up after theyve already left, and is too stoned tired to think anything of the empty house

and joyce is already halfway to russia

will knows his father. he knows that his father doesnt give a shit about him, the family, or anything about hawkins. he knows that his father wouldnt get involved in anything unless he had something to gain. so hes wraking his brain

maybe.... lonnie pulls over to take a suspicious phone call? maybe will figures out an inconsistency in his story? either way, the gang is onto lonnie and figures that they gotta get away from him and get back to joyce and jonathan

they tuck and roll out of the car. idk. all that matters is that they get out of there

as theyre rolling out of the car, el bonks her head a little and has a quick flashback to her time in the lab

since her intuition is always spot on, she takes this as a cue the breener is back and lonnie is working for him

she tells the boys it isnt safe to go back to california or hawkins, so they come up w an alternative plan, somewhere neither brenner nor lonnie would think to look for them

and while theyre on the road, they stop at a diner to eat (dont ask me where they got the money) and we get will leaving an emotional voicemail home, probably sobbing to jonathan about how much he means to will, which gives el an idea

because who has the resources to help her, as well as a desire for vengeance on brenner? kali

el uses her superb hitchiking skills to get them to chicago

maybe she just has some hints of her powers left, but it isnt too hard for el to find kali

she explains everything thats happened, and lets kali know that if she want revenge, the opportunity is hers

unfortunately, lonnie was hot on their trail, and called for reinforcements

theyre ambushed by the few employees brenner has working for him. initially, everyone is hiding, assisted by kali’s powers

but el knows they arent leaving empty handed, and would rather get taken away then have kali’s freedom taken from her

so el reveals herself, followed by mike because he wont leave her, followed by will because he wont leave mike

all three get taken away, back to hawkins lab, but now kali is even more motivated to bring down the lab once and for all

so kali and her gang get to hawkins, almost simultaniously with jonathan, who has been looking for his family in a frenzy since the morning he woke up to find eveyone gone, without even a note or a phone call, as well as argyle, who came along for the ride

the video store is being used as home base this season, so thats the first place they go, where they find steve, shortstaffed and not knowing whats going on because the whole team ditched him

they catch him up to speed on how EVERYONES GONE and steve catches them up to speed on how EVERYONE IS GETTING MURDERED

meanwhile, brenner has three predicaments

1) no matter what he does to el, what kind of torture he inflicts, she isnt using her powers because she doesnt have them. she tells him this several times. he refuses to believe it

2) lonnie byers is demanding his payment, which he didnt recieve because the deal was that he bring el to them, and he couldnt even do that

3) he has to find a way to dispose of mike and will, who he had no intention of bringing into the lab but theyre here and they know everything

and this is the moment where mike screws up by letting them know that people know theyre in the lab and people know about all the experiments and any second now, someones gonna come banging that door down to save us. nancy, jonathan, steve, robin max, lucas, dustin, kali-

and the second mike says her name he knows he screwed up

brenner decides in that moment that all he can do is round up everyone involved and get rid of them. conveniently, the string of murders occurring will serve as a good cover for what happened to them

and this is the part where joyce, murray, and hopper get back to hawkins

this is also the part where nancy and robin and the gang get back to hawkins

so nancy and robin immediately go to the video store armed with all the new information they learned from victor creel

..... and are met with jonathan, argyle, kali, and steve in pandemonium

they close the store for the day, and get ready to storm the lab

they realize that they need something from the school, so they head there to pick it up

and soon after arriving, theyre met with the all to familiar hawkins lab vans

they make a hasty escape, taking out some of the goons but they need to find a way to get the rest off their trail

they head for the woods, hoping to hide out in the cabin

meanwhile, the russia crew has taken the mostly demolished cabin as their haven to recover from whatever injuries they sustained

theyre all running through the woods, but they realize the people from the lab are closing in on them

and then nancy and jonathan pass a very familiar tree

they use whatever weapon they have on them to break through the bark, and head into the upside down

the lab people keep going into the woods, eventually finding hopper’s cabin

epic showdown between the russia crew and the lab people, joyce, murray and hopper win, they realize the lab is back, immediately head there realizing theyre gonna have to rescue someone

nancy and robin use the info they learned from victor creel to keep the gang alive in the upside down, max, argyle and eddie are freaking out because omg we’re in another dimention, we get some big reveal about the truth about the upside down and the gang makes their way out and head to the lab

and while this is all happening,we get some super emotional monologue between brenner and el (ala-the last 10 minutes of the truman show) and brenner realizes that el isnt going to be the naieve superweapn she used to be, and decides the best thing he can do with el is give her the standard punishment, time in the closet

and being in the closet triggers all sorts of flashbacks and emotions (mbb’s opportunity to show off her acting chops for an emmy)

joyce and hopper bust into the lab like they did in season 1, but this time they dont get caught

they decide to split up to cover more ground, and hopper finds el in the closet

and around the same time joyce finds mike and will and gets them out of there

here comes the REAL emotional performance

hopper sees her, we get a teary eyed “el!” “dad!”, and then hopper gets pulled away from el by lab workers

exactly the same way terry did

we’re watching this happen from el’s perspective, with a heart-wrenching “noooooooooo” from el, accompanied by cuts to every time el has had to be separated from someone she cares about (terry, the s1 ending, billy dying, her leaving kali in s2, saying goodbye to everyone on moving day, her being separated from mike and will when they got to the lab) accompanied by some terribly sad 80s song, then back to the present moment, she reaches her hand out and boom, the guards go flying. her powers are back

except she doesnt have control of them the way she did before, and now shes bringing the whole building down

her and hopper race to the the first floor, and meet joyce and the boys, they get out of the building at the very last second, and the whole thing collapses.

eventually they find the other group, the whole team is now together, they go and take down the big bad from the upside down, joyce almost KILLS lonnie

nancy and robin drop a huge bombshell that has to do with hawkins/the upside down, specifically pertaining to el, which they pieced together after talking to victor creel

we get a massive cliffhanger, season 5 starts like 10 minutes after the ending of season 4

#stranger things #yes i know half the stuff i said is going to be wrong #it would be really cool if it was tho #stranger things theory

[sp00kygrrrrl]

My Dahvie Vanity Story

So, everyone’s been sharing their stories so I thought I’d share mine here. How I met him: I met Dahvie Vanity at The Medic Droid concert when I was fourteen/fifteen years old. 

I attended the concert on my birthday. I didn’t know who BOTDF was, but I was a huge fan of The Medic Droid. The concert was at The Social mid 2008. (My birthday is 12/14). I went with my then boyfriend and my parents did not attend. The concert was great, pretty much until The Medic Droid came on. The lead singer was so coke’d up and drunk, he couldn’t perform. It was so embarrassing, pretty much everyone left the concert early. Dahvie jumped on stage and attempted to sing their songs and cover for him, but it was awkward and pretty terrible. However, I really liked The Medic Droid ( and I stayed to see them after the show (plus I needed to wait on my parents to come pick me up). (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcJJtbv4HIU) So, I sat with my then boyfriend and waited for someone to get us. It was a few minutes after the show when the lead singer of The Medic Droid came out, but I didn’t notice him. He walked up behind me, tapped on my shoulder, and (and I’m assuming thought I was older than I was) hit on me. He was very intoxicated and could barely stand. He was using me and the table I was at to hold himself up. My then boyfriend became angry and told him to leave and so he did. He attempted to walk past us at the bar and my then boyfriend tripped him.  And this is how Dahvie and I met. I was horrified that my boyfriend had possibly just assaulted the lead singer of the band I loved (and we could also possibly get in trouble with the law) and I immediately went to help him up. And so did Dahvie. I recognized him from his (shitty) performance as one of the opening bands and I helped Chris (the lead singer) to his feet and let Dahvie handle the rest. He complimented me on my shirt (A Beauty Killer shirt of Jeffree Star’s from Hot Topic) and asked my name and I said thanks and told him. He apologized on behalf of Chris who was pretty much comatose at this point and told me to check out his band. I just said yeah okay and then I left. The next day, I received a friend request from Dahvie, which really freaked me out. I never told him my last name and I also didnt have my last name listed on myspace. Which means, he went through the “who’s going” event page for the concert, looked through every single person, until he added me. (And now, I’m assuming any other underage girls that he had an interest in.)  This began a 10 year long relationship.

Incidents. 

Meeting him: 

Shortly after he asked for my number and I gave it to him. He texted me, nothing weird, at first. He asked me to send photos but I declined. Then he asked to meet me at the Fashion Square Mall and I said yes, but only if I could bring a friend. My friend came with me and I met up there. He was all over me, but hadn’t touched me inappropriately yet. After our first meeting, he asked me via text message if I would be his girlfriend, and I said yes. He put me as his #1 on Myspace, which looking back, should’ve been a give away to how he was to others. He also commented on my wall with hearts and generally “lovey/boyfriend” type things. Nobody said a word.

Coming to my house in the middle of the night:

So, now that we’re dating, he wanted to see me. But, he didn’t want to meet my parents. I insisted he really should, but of course, he was scared. Instead, he asked me to sneak out onto my back patio and he’d meet me there so we could talk and see each other again. I did as he requested behind my parents backs. We made out and he touched me a little, but he did not assault me.

Break up: We “dated” for a week, in which, he was extremely clingy and demanding. He messaged me or texted me most of the day and would call to talk for hours. Eventually, I’d had enough as I had recently broken up with my boyfriend for the same behavior. I broke up with him after he blew up my phone while I was at universal. He became upset and angry and if I’m remembering right, he might’ve become hostile, but I’m not sure. However, we ended our relationship and he asked to remain friends. Which, we did. Fighting my sixteen year old boyfriend at the mall:

Shortly after this, I got a new boyfriend. I went on a date with him and during this date I received a message from Dahvie saying he was very upset. His friend had passed away and he’d just attended the funeral. I felt terrible and I asked him if he wanted to go on a double date with my boyfriend and my friend. He said yes. 

He showed up to the mall, all in black, so perhaps his friends death was true. He zeroed in on my boyfriend and his first words to me were “who the fuck is this?” I explained a double date is when two couples go to the movies together, but he was irate. He then attempted to fight my (very tall and very muscular) sixteen year old boyfriend, but my boyfriend managed to calm him down.  He left and began texting my friend.

Possibly drugging me at a Brokencyde concert:

I was messaged by Dahvie to come to his concert at The Social where he was the opener for Brokencyde. I asked him if my boyfriend could come, he said yes, and in fact, he’d give us VIP access. My boyfriend was a fan of Brokencyde, so I accepted. We showed up and immediately Dahvie is ushering us to VIP and buying us drinks (We are 15/16 and 17 at this point). My boyfriend is handed one type of shot and then I’m handed another. I take my shot. My boyfriend is acting weird and he’s not paying attention to his surroundings. I feel weird as well, and Dahvie moves me so that I’m sitting on his lap, but I’m finding it hard to resist. He tells me I should leave my boyfriend. I get up and go to the bathroom to vomit. I come back and almost vomit on the social floor. I ask my boyfriend to leave and he becomes angry and tells me to leave by myself. I go outside to call my mom and throw up again. Dahvie has followed me out to the curb and is consoling me. He tells me that he can take me to the hospital if my mom never picks up. My mom does pick up and my mad boyfriend and I leave. I end up in the hospital and Dahvie calls me to make sure I’m fine. I don’t tell the hospital I drank and they assume I’m having stomach problems from food. No drug test was done. Therefore, I do not know for sure if this was caused by the drinks.

Jail? Phone Call: Dahvie calls me frantically crying. He says he’s been accused of statutory rape, but the girl is just an obsessed fan. He says he’s at the police station and she’s refusing to do a rape kit test. I try to console him before he hangs up. I don’t know if this was after the fact or during. Garrett leaves BOTDF and sends me a message to not hang around Dahvie anymore. I tell him I appreciate the message, but I don’t stop talking to Dahvie. Going to Dahvie’s apartment behind Altamonte Mall:

My boyfriend breaks up with me and I’m a literal mess. I’ve quit going to school and have a hard time eating or not crying. Dahvie invites me over to his house to cheer me up. I ask two friends to come with me. One of them is the friend he’s been texting from the movie theater before. We go to his house. Jayy and Sally are there, and surprisingly, two other underaged girls. *I’ve met both Jayy and Sally before at a concert. I met Jayy when Garrett was still in BOTDF. Jayy used to do hulu hooping for his concerts. Sally was Jayy’s friend. I was under the impression Sally was dating Dahvie, so I ask him why the other girls? He responds they're pretending, and that these other girls, mean nothing. He again pulls me onto his lap and wants to take me to his room to show me his new music. I agree, though something in me tells me to be weary of him. He sits me again on his lap so that he can show me his new music on his Mac. The song he’s working on is the collab he did with Jeffree Star. He asks my opinion and then begins to kiss me. It becomes more desperate and he roughly pushes me back onto his bed. I’m pinned there as he again starts to kiss me and touch my breasts. I feel uncomfortable so I yell stop. Dahvie does stop and apologizes. He asks to take me out on a date. Stupidly, I say yes. The Date:

I’m sixteen. I tell Dahvie that if he wants to go on a date he needs to pick me up and meet my parents. My parents know about him and they believe he is 22. My parents don’t care about his age. He shows up in his Camry with flowers for me and meets my parents. I get in the car with him and he tells me that “my dad is big and looks like he could kick his ass” and I say “yeah, and he will.”  Dahvie asks to pick up my friend from the theater. I said sure why not? So, he goes to her house, and picks up her and her friend. We drive around for awhile and he parks his car near a popular spot for sailing, close to tinker field. He asks if someone will “give him head” of which does happen. He drops my friends off, but still wants to take me to a movie. I agree and we see a movie. He drops me back off at home. Underage drinking: My friends from the car invite me over to their house. They wish to drink and ask me to ask Dahvie to bring alcohol. I say sure and text him. He shows up and brings Vodka with no chaser. We end up drinking Vodka and Gatorade, which, I would not recommend. We do shots. My friend is giving us stick and poke tattoo’s and Dahvie says I should tattoo BOTDF on my ass. I say, hard pass. He gets us drunk and then (in bathing suits) we get in the large bathtub at her house together. Things get weird (they're making out) so I leave and go back to the bedroom alone. Dahvie leaves shortly after.  The fall out:

After the date, I stop hanging out with Dahvie. I start attending classes at Valencia (I’m still 16, but I never went back to high school after my breakup. I did dual enrollment homeschool) and begin hanging out with people around my age (16-18).  My eighteenth birthday:

Right before I turn eighteen, Dahvie reconnects with me. He asks me if I’d come to LA and try to date him again. I unintentionally lead him on for a few weeks, but ultimately, I tell him I can’t date him again. We lose touch. 2016: In 2016, I attend a Brokencyde/BOTDF concert. I see Dahvie for the first time in years. He looks the same, but I can tell he seems tired. He talks to me for awhile before his set and buys me a shot. As I go to leave the concert, he yells at me he loves me, and I walk away to my car. He messages me, but I don’t think I answered beyond “it was good to see you too.” 2018/2019: Dahvie tells me he’s met someone special who will be joining the band. He tells me he’s found his “puzzle piece.” (He used to say if he found the girl of his dreams he’d get a puzzle piece tattoo’d on him and the girl would get one to fit it.) He proposes to Fallon and I congratulate him.  Dahvie begins to get hate mail on instagram and twitter. I talk to him about it and he tells me that he’s grateful that I’m so “kind.”  2020: Dahvie has moved back to Orlando. He messages me on instagram asking if I’d like to catch up. I say that I’d be interested and he asks me out to Hardrock Cafe. I never try to make solid plans with him, but we message back and forth every so often. We’re not close, but there is correspondence.  Chris Hansen case:

The Chris Hansen case comes out where survivors tell their stories on Dahvie. I am horrified, but not shocked. A friend of mine comes forward and tells me that Dahvie assaulted her. I message Dahvie and express that I can no longer associate with him because of my friends claims of which I 10000000% believe are the truth. Dahvie says nothing in his defense and blocks me. This is probably 1/4 of what I can remember.  I’m very thankful I was never assaulted and my heart goes out to those he’s hurt. 

PROOF:

#dahvie vanity #dahvie #blood on the dancefloor #botdf #dahvie vanity case #chris hansen

[fanguuuhhhrl]

Im kinda obsessed with I-Land right now. I love 23 boys and if possible i would like them all to debut but the elimination is in 30 minutes so im going to post my top 12 picks before it airs (kind of in order, kind of not, im biased, this is based on an unsure mixture of skill and personality, could change but most likely not):

1. Sunoo- BITCH!!! WTH!!! I JUST LOOK AT HIM AND MY SEROTONIN LEVELS BURST THROUGH THE ROOF!! He is a puppy!! He is amazing. If you didnt know anyone yet and you put all 23 boys in a line up. He will draw your attention with his sunshine smile :)))) he is so heartwarming. Most people be like "i have no filter" but they just be mean, but this guy is different, he literally has no ability to hide what he thinks but it never comes off as anything negative. He says "Me! I can do it!" but it's just endearing and never comes across as trying to show off. He says "there was a little bit of friction" and when the members look at himshocked, he looks at them shocked too.... theres no dull moment when he's in frame. It's so amazing how pure a person can be. But know that i am not just rooting for personality but for talent. his voice... His Voice!!! Vocally geonu and heeseung really slayed the butterfly performance but if you ask me, "save me" had a more emotional attack. His facial expression is just brimming of feelings. His voice is so raw. Also You know that part in save me where he transitions from head voice into chest voice really smooth??? You'll know what im saying if you see it. thats so fucking satisfying that i had to replay it so much. I definitely replayed the save me performance more times honeslty. And the way he dances!!! It might not be That refined yet but that's the charm... it's so raw and full of emotions... so like him. I can see myself stanning this group long term if he debuts with them.

2. Jungwon- tf i love this boy so much. his visuals already stood out to me when they were entering i-land, then his voice stood out to me in the first challenge... he did that hard ass choreography without any audible changes to his voice that i had to rewind that multiple times (more than the editor already did) then the moment i saw him dance the center in episode 4??? BOY???? BOY!!!! that was my breaking point... i can't believe im saying this about men but i already knew i would die for him... plus he is so sweet :((( his eyes are just so naturally cute but i was so shocked in the last challenge when he was able to pull off that fierce ass look.... i am devastated... im about the same age but my parental instincts are at work here. plus SPOILER ALERT to those who plan to watch he won first place in both the first and last challenge can everybody say jungwon ace

3. Geonu- my feelings for him are much like jungwon :((( except theres more parental instincts... and i say this despite being younger than him but whatever age is just a vibe... HE IS SO LIDDOL :((( i want to be his mom :(( at first, personality wise, it's hard to notice him bc he's a little calm and laidback... but its the little things that draw you to him :((( his glasses and hoodies just seem a little bit big on him and that just makes me smile for some reason... he cries silently when people are sent to the ground and he gets along well with the people... i noticed him first together with jungwon in the first i land challenge because they had the most stable performance. but i've never been more attached to him than when he sang butterfly (favorite bts song anyone??)... i honestly thought they could debut then and there and i wouldnt bat an eye... also it's so funny that the one thing i identified him with during the early episodes was the fact that whenever the camera pans to him, he just has the dead eye stare and parted lips (think: pokerface but confused) especially with the huge ass glasses but in the end the poker face thing that stuck to me became the thing that worked against him i cri

4. Jay- hold on folks this is going to be a long one. Jay has such a powerful personality that at first made me hesitant about liking him... idk he just seemed like the guy i would not vibe with in real life, but the longer time passed, the more he became one of my favorites and i root for him now like crazy. at first it was funny when they kept rejecting him for the vocal parts, but the more it went on, i was so sure that if it was me, i would have cried and dropped then and there, but it was so amazing watching him push through that and he didnt even lie about how he felt. his unique determination is such a breath of fresh air, a little heartwarming and oh so inspiring. i honestly learned a lot from just watching him. the time he went to the ground was so crucial to his development as a person, leader and performer. it was so mindblowing when he became the leader at the ground and even adapted heeseung's teaching methods. you know that meme "improvise, adapt, overcome?" he is the exact personification of that. what i loved about him the most is that even with his steely determination, he didnt enforce or project that on the other grounders, he just shared it with them. he understands when they need rest, encouragement or massages. he was such a caring leader. Skill wise- i can't say anything. He already proved himself so many times. Great dancer and potential vocalist. The mnet specials also show how much sweeter he is than the show shows him to be. He takes care of everyone, and has more of mother duck than street gang vibes (and he knows how to cook!!). And at the end, while he seems to be mostly self- oriented about debuting, he ends up spending most of his time teaching others and helping them improve. I just love him. Debut Jay 2k20!!!

5. Sunghoon- tf this guy is so cool and laidback that i didnt even pay much attention to him during the early parts but he just keeps crawling into my heart because so many members love him so damn much??? and he just goes along with them?? they want me to do triple axel while average people can't even do a single axel on a trampoline?? ok imma give them a double axel tho. jake is challenging me to arm flexing? yeah why not? k wants me to dance?? yeah lemme just spin 50 times. jay wants to shower together?? weird but im not strongly against the idea. ej wants to scare people? count me in. someone needs a hand to hold?? ok here's my warm hand to the rescue... everyone just wants to be his friend that he birthed my favorite sunoo scene "im cuter than him [jake]" and he was just like "yeah ok i guess so" sksjsk sunoo is that how you ask someone to be your friend jshdk??? and can i just say? as a figure skating fan, he has automatic +52536 points... and when the judges said he's the most natural performer out of them??? i vibed with that hard.. he dances well so naturally and he takes your attention without even seeming like he's trying to. that dance performance with k and jungwon?? i thought at first that his energy wouldnt catch up but damn boy my eyes were just trackingnhim the entire time unintentionallu that i had to rewind and he was just as great as all of them... with the additional benefit of being a stunt boy!! and though it might seem effortless, we saw that he practiced so hard for it. overall a 100/100 boy with a naturally charismatic personality that bleeds into his performance... as a fellow 02 liner i would also like to apply as his bestfriend thank you

6. Heesung- what can i say except he's a perfect boy ok thats it why are you still reading... jk... ok lets talk about him... skill wise?? I cried during the butterfly performance. i marvel at his vocal stability. his voice is so crystal clear. his dancing is so clean. his skills are superb but most of all, theyre already so refined. there's nothing more i could ask for. personaloty wise... i also have a lot to say... despite his celebrity status, it's awesome how he can make the other trainees comfortable with him. he's kind and soft and lovely.

but because i am me, i have to overanalyze people so idk skip this if you dont like that. for someone who's experienced being an academic achiever... i sure do vibe with his personality a lot... you know when there's a group activity and you're so sure you can lead it well but you don't want to? half because you dont want to come off as a show off and half bc you genuinely still have self-doubts, and you're scared of falling short of expectations. Also, you feel that if it all fails, you'll be responsible so you have to feel that everyone approves you before you can take leadership and show your entire thing. And the moment you feel validated and take the reins, you start unconsciously projecting your perfectionist attitude on people??? yeah... i love that despite being an almost perfect person he still has issues most people can find relatable and that, in addition to the talent makes me want to root from him. (im also going to take a stab and guess that his mbti is probs ixxp) i'll be honest tho, because its like 100 percent sure now that he'll debut, im not super attached to him??? i love him tho but he's just not in any danger so i can just let my support for him chill. i think amidst this, bc most of the trainees depend a lot on him, i mostly hope for him to take care of his mental health

7. Daniel- awww danielll... i went into i-land not knowing anyone's ages so i had a brief whiplash feeling when someone said daniel is 15... it's because he's so emotionally mature?? like he's such a supportive and caring person that it barely struck me the that he might be the youngest?? he already caught my attention when they performed "any song" bc they just seemed like they were having fun and doing their best without the pressure of whether they would win ir not, and for me that attitude is something you'd see from more experienced performers. and during the second ep when he just felt the need to comfort everyone bc he's got such a high score?? i loved that an i was so bummed out when they eliminated him. the save me performance was definitely a cherry on top that i just had to love him more than i already do... he may be young but he's as ready to debut as everyone else.

8. Jake- jake is just one of the people who showcased so much growth between ep 1 and ep 2. he already had the right attitude when they performed crown and he just had to improve skills and stage presence, and improved he did. despite being one of the trainees with the shortest training time, he was the one teaching the others by the end it just supports my theory that he might have been an ace as well if he just had the same amount of training as everyone else. im also truly in love with his mischievous antics. he seemed like an introvert to me at first but he came out of his shell and i love that. also i just crave more moments of him and sunghoon's friendship (they both seemed like introverts who found someone they could be extroverts with in each other) i am 👌this close to storming i land and demand that they let me join their merry little band of 2002 children

9. Niki- dance skills= 100 he's just so good it's unreal... it's insane... everytime he's on screen i hear boss musicand i cant even imagine him being younger than anyone, let alone taki. i get why some people dislike him but honestly i think it's just because they don't see him as a child... but he is. i was honestly a bit mad for him when they kept guilt tripping him into leading all of them, and i understood his tjought process when he thought he just kept failing everyone and when he thought things just kept backfiring on him. he is held on such a high pedestal and i dont think he deserves that kind of burden. as for me, it would just be a waste of talent to let him go. his attitude could still improve, as we'd seen when he eventually volunteered to help everyone. i also felt bad when he said that he's scared he might not be voted bc some people dont base on skills and i love him and i just want him to kmow that he's loved

10. Taki- what the hell can i even say?? he's the kindest softest boy ever. he tries to see the good in people and is very hardworking... he listens to people well and actually follow them, so he improves a lot... he knows people think he's cute and he tries and tries and tries to look fierce if the song calls for it... he is amazing

11. K- i really can't say anything, he really stands out during performances. also very pro at dancing. his choreography??? *chef's kiss* and i think the younger trainees depend a lot on him, besides heesung and so he's good at keeping the team together.

12. EJ- im really hesitant about the last person to be the twelfth i lander because it could almost be anyone and i wouldnt be too bummed out bc theyre almost all equally talented... the thing with ej tho is he already gets along well with the i landers and has harmony with other members. (plus see above: im a sucker for the 2002 line) i think its a tiny bit unfair to base it on this bc the others didnt even get a chance to show what they can bring to the group so im torn.

bonus: i wouldnt feel too bad if it were jaebeom (he has great voice, the producers think he's not too stand out bc he's weak at dance, but the i land is already so full of people whose expertise is dancing, so i think there should be someone who's specialty is singing), kyungmin (i really appreciated how hard he worked during the last test and it actually paid off, i honestly noticed him there even if he was always at the back. i also loved his determination and i was so touched when he and jaebeom were talking and he said "there's really nothing to do but believe in the impossible right?" it's just that the i landers were already ahead of him in terms of skills so he failed the votings) and hanbin (i've watched his cover videos and he's really good at dancing and stage projection. like i was honestly wondering why it wasnt showing in the performances :((( and he hadnt even had too much screentime to actually See what he's capable of.

#idk anymore #do you have the same rankings and reasons as me?? #iland #lets talk #iland sunoo #iland jungwon #iland geonu #iland daniel #iland heeseung #iland sunghoon #iland jake #iland k #iland jay #iland niki #iland taki #iland ej

[dearsubconscious]

If you haven’t already, I highly recommend reading my very first post on this page before continuing. This story has themes of emotionsl/psychological/narcissistic abuse. This is my true story. Readers be advised.

Sifting Through the Memories: Part One

Dear Subconscious,

6 years. It took you 6 years to tell me the truth. I don’t think you understand how impactful that actually is. Maybe you thought that you were helping me. Maybe you thought that the walls of ignorance that you had built were keeping me safe. I don’t think I will ever really know. However, those 6 years managed to do just as much damage to my life, if not more that the years prior, all because I didn’t understand.

Those 6 years were so confusing. I found the courage to leave her in fall of 2013, senior year of high school, but you waited until 2019 to explain what really happened during that 5-year-long relationship during my most vulnerable years. In the process of waiting all of that time, I had no real understanding of why I had these horrible habits or these self-destructive tendencies that ruined nearly all aspects of my life.

I knew and understood a lot about depression from middle school and high school; from class discussions on the topic; from the people I was close to at the time that suffered greatly from it; from the people that I helped through the dark via deep and open conversations late into the night over text; from the people I care about most struggling through it; perhaps most of all, from my own struggles with it.

I wasn’t really sure at the time why I was depressed, however. I tried to pin it on my apathy for school, which caused my bad grades. Deep down, I always knew that was actually a consequence of my depression, among other reasons, not a cause. I thought maybe it was because of my family situation at home that had been ever changing from around 4th grade on: parent divorces and marriages, arguments, moving houses and changing schools, new step siblings (I was an only child), destructive, alcoholic step parents. These things may have initiated some depression early on, and they may have been contributing factors over time, but I never really felt that any of these events were ultimately what led to my darkest moments in life. I always knew people my age going through worse things than I was, and they seemed to be keeping themselves together better than I was. So why was I having such a difficult time in life? Why couldn’t I keep up with everyone else? Why was my self esteem so low? My parents were always good at supporting me and giving me love and attention, so how could I feel so low? I just never actually knew until recently. Until it was beyond too late.

I was always taught to try to reach out and always be there to help those in need when they need it most and be a helping hand. It could save a life. And I know that I helped save some of my friends lives. I wasn’t looking for praise or to be a hero. I just wanted to make sure that everyone around me was okay. Maybe I was always hopeful that the favor would be returned should I ever need it. I still hold these values today, as I know that so many people just need to be heard to be saved.

Just like me.

Most of my friends knew that I didnt sleep well in high school. I didn’t know it at the time, but it turns out that was a symptom of my body and mind being in fight-or-flight mode at all times. I was too afraid to sleep for fear of making my girlfriend mad. This still affects my sleep habits to this day. More on that later. This, however, meant that all of my friends also knew that they could text me at just about any time, 24 hours a day, and I would most likely respond. For much of high school, it definitely seemed like I was talking to someone every night, helping them sort their thoughts out and generally letting them vent or open up about their emotions. These talks also, occasionally, had me talking people “back from the ledge” when things got really bad for several of my deeply depressed friends. I always remained anonymous about it for their sake, but I was always glad that I could be there to help in the middle of the night when they were at their darkest. I distinctly remember, in one week, for some reason, three of my friends from three different “walks of life,” unrelated from one another, had all gone through deeply traumatic events and I found myself texting and calling them late through the nights to keep them from making the ultimate decision. All of these years later and I am happy to say that nobody that I knew in high school has taken their own life to this day. It definitely feels a bit miraculous, since I know that my younger step siblings have each lost several friends to suicide during their high school years.

Being young an naive and constantly empathetic toward everyone around me meant that I also left myself very vulnerable and very easy to push around. I never saw it that way at the time, though. Again, naive. I left my empathetic ways open to be used. I didn’t think that anybody could use my kindness against me with malicious intent. Why would they? How could they? I was just being nice.

I suppose that should lead us back to 7th grade, where the real story began. In theater class, an elective I enjoyed in high school, I got to know people better that I hadn’t known before. I had started at a new school where I knew virtually nobody in 6th grade, and the experience of 6th grade didn’t leave much time to get to know anybody yet (though I did meet my best friend in 6th grade). The 7th grade schedule allowed us more time to meet and learn about people in our classes, and theater in particular was a class all about getting to know people so that you could perform characters well together.

This was where I really met her.

We had one other class together, French, but that class had a very strict teacher that allows no time for talking amongst ourselves, so seeing each other’s personalities in theater class meant much more. I remember she always wore the same sweater jacket everyday, just like me. She was small, shy and quiet and she tended to use the sleeves on her jacket to cover her hands. She would wrap her fingers over the ends of the sleeves, gripping tight as if it was protecting her, like some kind of shield. We had to present mini performances often in that class and I could tell that she was very nervous for one of her first ones. She was trying hard to recall her lines and was gripping hard and fidgeting with her sleeve trying to protect herself. I saw a lot of myself in her at the time and I had a lot of empathy for her in that moment. I tried to motion to her to let go of her sleeves so that she could appear more confident. She noticed my sitting in the back motioning, but I think I just looked crazy to her at the time. My use of empathy here should have been the first sign that I was approaching this relationship all wrong. I saw her as someone I could help because I could relate well to.

We started talking a bit in that class. Eventually I managed to convince her to chat with me on yahoo messenger after school so that we could talk more. Our phone plan at the time did not include texting or data, so I was stuck with using yahoo messenger at home on my desktop. We made this work though. I found out quickly that her mom had just gotten married without telling her to a man she didn’t like with two daughters that she did not get along well with. While I don’t entirely blame her for those feelings, even now, her deep apathy for this still probably should have been a red flag at the time, but I was too young and naive to see it at the time. Plus, I was going through something very similar at the time so we had a lot of connection through that. Our conversations were long and we learned a lot about each other. We would trade off asking each other simple questions, like what our favorite song was, or who our favorite family member was. I think this made us feel closer than we were, and at the time we didn’t feel so alone in a strange and lonely life.

She started venting to me about the, supposedly, traumatizing things that she had been going through with her moms marriage and the new people in her house. I should her a lot of sympathy during that time. This probably made her feel like she had someone that would listen to her deepest problems, but it was also the start of her use of my own empathy against me. She would start to use it to trap me in a conversation. Making me feel a little guilty if had to leave for dinner or homework. She didn’t really get angry, but I would always apologize a lot for leaving so she started to get annoyed with the frequency of my interruptions. At the time I thought absolutely nothing about this.

A short time later, I had decided that I definitely liked her because she would connect with and listen to me. I had gotten to know a few of her friends and I had even passed a note to one of her friends that I was thinking about asking her out. Her friend was immediately all over this and wanted me to do it soon. So, one day we were out in groups in theater class, and I remember eaves dropping in her group nearby where her friend was asking her if she likes me. She nodded yes and they discussed a bit. It was a bit of a blur from there, but one way or another I ended up asking her out by the end of that class and she agreed. I was giddy with excitement for weeks, of course. I felt like I couldn’t have asked for things to go better. Puppy love (a term I have come to loath as we called each other puppies for the entirety of the time that we dated. I realized later how she used it as a name to belittle me most of the time). That said, our actual relationship, behaviors and conversations did not change basically at all once we were dating.

Her family was a strict catholic family that taught her to be very uptight about relationships (or so she told me), so we didn’t even hold hands for months. It didn’t even seem like we were in a relationship at all. We were very young anyway, so nobody was really surprised. Summer quickly came around and I was off to see my family in Europe for a month. There was no way for me to communicate with her during that time. With the state of our relationship, that was actually okay. When I returned from that trip, I saw her within the following days and she seemed a bit distant. I asked if we were still together and she agreed, but she seemed a bit apathetic. Our conversations started again on yahoo messenger in the evenings and all seemed normal again.

School soon started again, 8th grade. We only had French class together and we just didn’t seem as connected. I could tell that she was putting some distance on me. I was developing new friends and I became caught up with them more often. Soon (around mid September), she told me that she thought that we should call it off. She felt that we were better off as friends. With the way things were and the fact that we never became very close, I agreed, but it still hurt a little. I had felt good about what we did have at the time, but I couldn’t blame her. I hadn’t helped to close the distance in the weeks before that.

I know, this seems inconsequential on my life up to this point and this clearly wasn’t 5 years, so what really happened. Well, it got a lot more complicated very quickly.

Up to this point, I don’t think that you were blocking much or trying to hide any pain. Not much of the damage had been done yet. You couldn’t have seen what was coming next, so how could I blame you. You didn’t do much to keep me from being very vulnerable around that time, though. You were probably sending up red flags that I didn’t understand because my conscious brain was blind and full of emotions that were blocking you out. I was a teenage boy after all.

To be continued.

Thank you for reading. I only write these when I am going through the low days, often after a PTSD trigger, when I have some sleepless time. It helps me collect myself. Updates to this will not be regular, but I hope that you can follow along. Most of all, I hope that sharing my story can help others that are in or have been in similar situations. This situation has had me feeling incredibly lonely for years. I don’t wish this pain on anyone and I hope that you can keep moving forward like I am. We are stronger together and most importantly: you. are. not. alone.

#abuse #emotions #story #memories #memory #hurt #pain #writing #aesthetic #my story #emotional abuse #narcissistic abuse #psychological abuse #thoughts #long reads #reading #middle school #depression #sorry for being depressing #depressing shit #high school

[magiccallie]

So I wrote down my thoughts as i watched through most of Season 2 of Scooby Doo Mystery Inc, and would like to share them, major spoilers below cut

Notes of Season 2 of Scooby Mystery Inc Shout out to this jock bully(?) who upon encountering a monster threatening a girl, did no hesitate to take on said monster, recuse said girl, and protect her as they escape Fred really needs to talk to someone about his new parents, who are now living in his house with him???? The house of the man who took him from them?????? Bronson might not be exactly straight looking at how he acted around the old mayor vs the new one, but *shrugs* Jock Strikes again, is this gunna be the twist? That''s a really douchy twist to pull a stunt like this Love how-I mean this is just the plan. He wanted girls too so he set up the same scenario. Is this extra set up by the parents to get him to trust them that is some next level douchery/ Scratch that on Bronson, omg Oh shit starting with a furry attack this is going to be a weird episode the gang's meta knowledge coupled with their sure willingness to go along with tropes and shit makes for great dialogue oh *oh* this is the episode where we get a peak to see just how big the picture is, love the lore building. knew this episode was gunna be good is that a demon? the furry isnt the mosnter??? ummm...weve been getting hints, are things getting real? so we've established motive for why someone whould want this plavce closed, but actually tangent but dont a lot of these monsters that they encounter seem like, weirdly powerful and mobile for costumes oh there's the furry that red aura is a...the things that happen around it are something deeper it seems. fascinating. is the red just representative of fire hallucinations? those seemed a bit real in effect for hallucinations... this guy, like my manager, needs to hire a little more staff occult magic book falls from the library to gang, and no one is as concerned as they should be nazi robot nazi robot get BJ on the phone Cassidy is the kinda retired PC that the players can strive to be Shit is getting real quick isnt it. Wait is that a seal. does Cassidy die? I know about a certain other death that makes me sad, but i dont want Cassidy to die too this episode is a rollercoaster of odd events weird hologram disguise for Paraclese is nifty Seeing the tragic fate of past groups is...well obviously sad oh dear, she does die huh its super low key, but it plays at the terrifying corrupting ordeal of the eldritchstuff really well with the lore notes bear troubles oh that badge...is that where they buried him? that's...kinda grim they have stealth suits and killer nazi robots? why have the evil guys not won yet? there is a bomb and they are not evacuating. There is a BOMB and they are not evacuating oh the bear can talk, how dare i assume that a bear is incapable of speech the bear is a twunk, scratch that, still a bear, is...he doing a christiphor walkin impersonation? aaand that’s enough for tonight, starting fresh later We're back, 13 more episodes oh so were getting into why i don’t like astrology Enigma machine omg. sorry, im a sucker for bits like that i wanna have long white hair too, i could rock that look How does Paraclese still have an accent after all these years? It is like destiny's Rasputin and just a stubborn superiority complex? something about visiting villains you can talk to in a prison is-ohp thats just all of um huh, cameo episode- err, anyways, it just paints a delightful scene about the relationship of the protags and antags and villainy as a whole in the world well this is horrific, throw some brownish red stuff around and it would be a silent hill scene update: still gay Thirteen more episodes and they have the disk...that does not bode well for what is going to happen the writer's willingness to reference other hannah barbara characters/shows is great oooo anticaptilism, BF is scoring points excuse me???? cyborg dragon girl???? he cant even call her by her name through most of the episode wtf??????? see now im at the point i gotta ask, is this a real ghost thing, or a fake ghost thing? ah i understand now youd think he would be more willing to explain to th-there we go so the animal companians are more suceptible, but they all have the risk Paraclese talking about these cattle is every gm talking about their homebrew monsters omg writers wth was that conclusion for the cattle im dying sk-ska zombies. ska. zombies. i can pick it up oh like the dancing plauge but worse, nifty these ghosts are rude boys, like, thats actually one of their names. And just caught that it the band name is skatastic oh they mentioned the dancing plauge, thank you wtf 101 the 'lighthearted' tone of this episode speaks dark tidings about the horrors to come aaah, hex girls, omg oh damn, update again: still hella gay bards duels be like, but for real loving this more and more young me is crazy about having the hex girls interact with a magicy thing like the disks, the rest of me is concerned at the events that are taking place scooby agrees, and his dog girl friend...well that was something Ricky displaying increasing regrets is not going to do good things for his lifeespectancy ohp then he drags in the other two well, i didnt see that coming for the criminal identity this little girl just had her mom ditch her for a stranger that robbed them, the heck i should probably eat dinner at some point, or like, anything at somepoint... calling it now, this guy is a circus performer/stunt driver, and if he is the random hired british poolboy it is a fake accent he's lureing women away with emotional intemacy. thats funny in itself, btu that they accept so readily still isnt normal oh and apparently kinks, lured with kinks so hes going to be the librarian dude then?? maybe? k, so at least i got that o.o O.O, well, that was quite the lead up and explanation food on plate, depresso in heart, ready to continue so they have to know right? like, this is a planned trap since Fred is 'the only one who knows where it is' doesnt explain Fred though, or how the fake acts "jeepies you found my scarf" oh there it is, they are after the info from him and its all fake, not some hell vision to show why he has to suceed Fred knew first? good on him plastic surgery, holy crap, next level villainy here holy shit they're all in puragoty thanks to the corrpution?????? Going back to early about the horrifying nature of all this. it is just so immensly sad watching them go through these bits. Cool, but sad. Velma demonstrating why thinking and understanding are not always good in eldritch horror games so he's got a guilt complex? heart felt talk with Mayor Dad awwww, poor Velma doesnt think she's pretty guessing...well id say the wife of Enrique but that seems too easy some how, stiill shes the only offered suspect beside Enrique himself thus far *deep sigh* i will never guess any culprit i bother to write down correctly would be a real move of the writers to Uzumaki the town two day deadline given, props to velma for having the foresight to model the disks in a digital format incase theyre lost mad max mystery machine sounds like a doom metal synth wave fusion song things are going too well... How many giant evil doors will this lair have? alchemy. of course. should have guessed. is...is this the episode where Marcie...oh no oh at least shes trying good on her, she's going down in style and flame... oh. ya know, even knowing it was coming and talking it up a sentence before, not a happy event this is a nifty dungeon last episode, hell of an opening/recap wh-what fghaseguk this went batshit didnt it. i wish i had the willingness to write at unhinged as these writers one more media that i am surpised didnt end in a poly relationship this climax is eerily familiar to the live action movies at times and then they all died and went to heaven aww Rickee and Cassidy *and* Velma and Marcie, aww, my heart will heart to think about that one for long, but awwwww Miskatonik University, or however the heck it is said. i thought it was going to be a one off joke but wasn't expecting that.

#scooby doo #scooby doo mystery inc #scooby doo mystery incorperated #mystery inc #mystery incorporated #scooby doo mystery incorporated

[madiiko12]

new york’s very own madison ‘madi’ ko was spotted on broadway street in chanel sneakers . your resemblance to kim chungha is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty-first birthday bash . while living in nyc , you’ve been labeled as being obsessive , but also ambitious . i guess being a virgo explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be glittery eyes, dangling earrings, & chanel draped in pearls.  ( cisfemale & she/her) + ( kale, 20 , she/her , est. )

hi honeybuns !! im back and with child. there is a brief mention of an ed under the cut but i block it off with a tw start & end.    if you’d like to plot pls leave a like and i can dm you or hit you up on discord !! my discord is kale#3079  

BACKSTORY

haneul madison ko was born september 18, 1999 to two immigrant parents from S.K. her birth name is haneul, but she went by the name madison since it was easier to pronounce + madi began to almost detest her culture??

it was just that growing up she would sometimes get bullied for looking different at her school, for the way her packed lunches smelled/looked, the way people would stare if she spoke korean to her parents, how other kids would make fun of her english since she didn’t pick up on vocab/grammar as quickly since she didn’t practice at home with her parents. she just became SO insecure about it that she rejected her culture. she wouldn’t bring her mom’s food to school, if her mom ever forced her to take it she’d throw it away  and choose to starve instead. she wouldn’t speak korean back to her parents in public, barely even in private (which reeaaallly upset her parents). this also REALLY destroyed her korean language skills. she can understand still, but she can barely hold a basic conversation anymore.

as she grew up, and continued this sense of distancing herself from her culture, she ultimately distanced herself from her family. which left her feeling -  - alone often, even though it was all due to her own choices. in this loneliness, she found her escape in music. she would wear headphones constantly through the halls, in car rides, in her room when her parents yelled at her to turn the music down. she just loved music. she saved up the money her parents gave her whenever she worked at the nail salon (her parents owned it!!) to thrift an old keyboard. she became self-taught by trying to copy melodies of songs she’d listen to, thrifting piano lesson books, staying after school with the music teacher learning to play. sometimes she’d even skip lunch to sit in the chorus room with her choir director and play.

it’s not that she had a LACK of friends growing up, maybe just that she lacked a best friend. she had a lot of friends, but no one that she felt so connected to in the way she felt connected to music. perhaps, she was addicted to her loneliness.

she spent a lot of time playing the piano and dabbling in writing music that her grades started to fall (not that she was ever the BEST student) and her parents literally took away her piano. they said it was a waste of time because they wanted her to focus on doing well, so she could get into a good university, and then live a good life. music was just a distraction

but that didnt work

she would sneak out into the city to go to concerts and poetry readings. she’d sneak out and go to indie songwriters scenes while her parents thought she was at the library with one of her school friends

This underground scene had her full heart!! she was surrounded by likeminded people who just lived for music. she was hearing all of these incredible people who were all looking for their start. maybe not looking for anything at than just to sing their songs. tbh i think this was the point she was happiest. she was completely enveloped in music, just for the sake of music. There wasn’t any pressure, just music. Just the songs. she was wide eyed looking at this whole underground scene of artists. So maybe some plots from these underground charas?!

she’d perform some songs at karaoke nights and the indie sessions, and a producer took a keen interest in one of her songs. basically im kind of stealing halsey’s career start, but she posted a song Came in Close on SoundCloud and just blew up overnight. in the morning, she woke up to a record label asking her to fly to LA for a meeting.

and thus, Madison Ko began a career as Madi Ko where she’d release her debut album, Honey, a few months later. (DISCOGRAPHY HERE). her music is very 80s synth inspired!

new album that is most definitely CRJ’S EMOTION is coming soon...

PERSONALITY

right off the bat, madi is an absolute firecracker!! she’s loud, bursting with personality, has a lack of inhibitions that CHAOTICALLY mixes with her spontaneity

part of this is projecting her insecurities. she felt lonely as a child but doesn’t want to be seen as that to the world. it’s not so much a persona but an exaggeration of who she was. 

she likes to show off her glam bc it, once again, hides her insecurities. 

she just kind of is dramatic anymore

like everything about her

her persona as Madi Ko, upcoming popstar underdog, is like DUNKED in glitter, over the top stages and sets, draped in couture. basically her stages/outfits/dances/mvs are like Chungha’s but with Pale Waves and Carly Rae Jepsen VC. ex: 1, 2, 3, 4

also bc im obsessed with chungha’s famous diamond wink, IT’S GONNA BE MADI’S THING TOO. so basically madi has trended on twt a few times bc of her signature diamond wink bc she effing glues rhinestones and glitter under her eyes for performances !! she said fuck corneas !! ex: 1, 2, 3      ....god chungha is magical

so while madi is like a brand hypebeast n never shuts up, she can also get,,, easily annoyed. and heavily perceives ppl on first impressions despite that being the reason she felt misunderstood a lot growing up. 

definitely argumentative!!! will blow up arguments for no reason n then later questions why she made it such a big deal but cant own up to her mistakes

when she decides she doesnt like you, SHE DOESNT LIKE YOU. it’s done. bridge is burned, she’s not keen on second chances

fame has definitely given her a bit of an ego problem --- she’s a bit more aggressive, self-obsessed while intrinsically insecure, is too busy flaunting her material possessions and trendy life that she can...lose touch of reality. basically most of her high school friends cant stand her. HC that her high school bf broke up with her bc she was no longer was the madison ko he knew!!! so if anyone wants to be that ex lmk !!! she’s written songs about them!!!

definitely the type of girl who is so hype at a party, dancing in fallen confetti, standing on the fireplace mantle, but then midway realizes she’s lonely. sad at a party. 

ED TW STARTS!!!!!

....

she kind of always had body image issues growing up, but it was very off and on, but once she got signed and being by surrounded by cameras became normal she formed a full fledged ED. she’s passed out at concerts a few times bc of her ED, but they always brush it off as “not enough rest” or “she wasnt feeling well that day but pushed to perform anyway as to not disappoint the fans”

so feel free for ur muses to point it out !! she’ll get really defensive like “i eat i just work out a lot” and yeah it’s true she works out a lot but she...doesn’t really eat

it’s also one of the causes of her irritability ...

.....

END ED TW!!!!

idk why this is so long

always up for mischief! 

does love a good prank. asks weird hypotheticals 

is not scared of an ouija board

will get wasted off a few shots and drunk madi is UNSTOPPABLE 

one time drunk madi cried bc her siamese cat (MOCHI !!!) wouldn’t ever get to go to school and would never know chemistry..... the dramatics.....

she is sensitive and despises it. she does everything she can to not come across as sensitive

however, she’s so obsessive. so deep in feeling. when she feels something she FEELS it. when she is mad it boils through her. when she is in love it is all she knows. when she is sad it covers her like sweaters and blankets on rainy days. she doesn’t know how to half-feel. everything she feels stops her in her tracks.

HOWEVER she’s the most obsessive with her own insecurities — so in relationships she’s kind of known for tapping out early. she just gets scared and the fleetingness of her career and that she’s at her very core, lonely and disappointed in herself, makes her want to run away thinking that letting down her walls and being vulnerable could only be disappointing for her SO. so maybe she ghosted ur chara or gave some lame excuse

Kind of obsessed with how she’s perceived

terrified that at any moment her career could be thrown away, her deemed irrelevant, and she goes back to being Madison Ko, daughter of nail techs in Koreatown. and then her parents would have been right all along, music was a waste of time.

she’s just my little fallen angel who flew to the sun (fame) and it constantly eats away at her girlhood, at her heart.

anyways this is all i got rn <3 come love me sorry i kind of didn’t shut up this is long

WANTED CONNECTIONS

an ex from before she was famous who broke up with her because of how she changed!! PLEASE i have ideas for this. plus,,, you get a lot of songs about ur chara!!! could be from high school, maybe someone in the music scene she frequented before she was signed, anything!!

anothr ex/fwb/undefined relationship i’d love is one when she was first famous who just introduced her to everything. something like a whirlwind that was exciting and magical. she’s written songs about this person.

exes in general. 

hookups/fwb

romantic plots. pls i have songs who need meaning. friends to lovers, one sided (either way), slowburn, ANYTHING. love cruel summer plots, anything lover by tswift

PR relationships -- would LOVE one where she falls in love with the other despite how clearly defined they made their relationship

love triangles in general just get me going

best friend!!!! the one’s who know how the other feels just by looking at each other. they have countless sleepovers. tell each other everything. cry together on bathroom floors. pregame together. 

ex friends. for whatever reason -- maybe madi did smth shitty, maybe they did. maybe there was backstabbing, maybe madi sacrificed friendship for a career, maybe she made moves on their romantic partner/interest despite being fully aware. idk. gimme

People she knew from the underground/indie scene before they were famous!! they’d have bonded over their love for music, little indie dreams kind of vibe. just imagine a group of dreamers !! Would love if they made some kind of pact!!!

party friends

collabs !!

pranks. mischief. gimme

enemies. gotta cook up some drama, yknow

GIRL GANG. god i just want this so bad like make a girls dream come true

#wealthyhq:intro #zoo wee mama #pls love me honeybunnies #tw ed

[theenchantedgalleryofstories]

Title: Boston Meets Country Pairing: Chris Evan x OFC (Evangeline Blackwood) Summary: Scott is a little shit of a brother.  Warning: Fluff Beta: @themusicplayedherlife and @shellbilee Thank you ladies for betaing my stories and making them 10x times better. Notes: So I didnt think I was going to get more than drabbles or mood boards out of this but here we are. 

Scott pulls up to Chris’ house and turns off the ignition, glancing out of the window before getting out of the car. He heads up the steps and pulls the key Chris gave him from his pocket, opens the door and lets himself inside. The house is quiet when he enters; Master and pet are nowhere to be found. As if on cue Scott hears the sound of Dodgers nails against the floor. He sees Chris walk around the corner clutching a bowl of cereal, still dressed in his sweats and a t-shirt. 

“You’re not dressed yet?” Scott practically yells, startling Chris in the hallway. 

“Jesus Christ, Scott!” Chris responds in a fright, clutching his hand to his chest and trying to balance the almost dropped bowl of cereal in his hands. "Where did you come from?"

“Mom,” Scott says sarcastically, raising an eyebrow at his brother. “Why aren’t you dressed yet?”

“Because I am not going,” Chris replies flatly, annoyed at his brother's intrusion. “I thought we already had this discussion.”

Chris shakes his head and turns to make his way into the living room. Scott steps in front of him, blocking Chris' path. 

“Actually, you never gave me an official answer. And since you never gave me an official answer, I've decided to answer for you: you're going.” Chris glares at his younger brother, frowning as he watches Scott point to the stairs. "Get your ass upstairs, shower and get dressed, so we can go.” 

With a grumble and a few choice words, Chris heads upstairs to get cleaned up. 20 minutes later he is back downstairs and looking better. “How do I look?” 

“Much better. Thank you. Can we go now?” Scott asks curtly. 

“Yes,” Chris says through a sigh. “Wait! No. Let me take Dodger out first.”

“Already done. Do you have any other excuses or can we leave now?” Scott inquires sarcastically, tilting his head and smiling sweetly at Chris. 

Chris looks back at his brother flatly, “I guess not. You took them all. Lead the way, oh annoying one.” Scott rolls his eyes and Chris gives him a brotherly shove towards the door, grabbing his phone, wallet and keys from the side table before shutting the front door behind him. 

Chris runs his fingers through his hair and looks over at Scott as they drive towards the arena. “Remind me again why I'm going to a country concert?” 

“Because you've been holed up in your house for far too long,” Scott argues, glancing over at his brother in the passenger seat. “It's time to get out. Do something. Meet a hot country singer. Take her on date.” 

“I have not been held up in my house!” Chris answers defensively, frowning and crossing his arms. “I've been trying to enjoy time away from the public eye. You brought me out here to set me up on a date.”

“You’ve been hermitting.” Scott retorts quickly, looking over at Chris and then back at the road. “Come on. It’ll be fun. You’ll get to hear some music and drink some beer. And you never know, maybe you won’t hit it off and then you won’t have to take her out.” 

“I hope you’re right," Chris replies with a sigh, still unable to believe he'd let Scott talk him into this. "How did you get tickets to the show anyway? I heard it was sold out.” 

“I may have bribed someone,” Scott answers nonchalantly. Chris looks at him skeptically.  “Ok, I might know the drummer. And I might have mentioned that I have a lonely brother who could use a date with a girl who is semi-normal. And he agreed that his little country singer could use a night out as well.”

Chris rolled his eyes. “And how are country singers semi-normal?”

“How often do you see a country singer in the tabloids? I mean think about it really," Scott explains, gesturing with his hands. "They record. They go on tour and show up at award shows. Then, they go home. They have a knack for staying out of the public eye for the most part. Doesn’t that sound nice for once?”

Chris shrugged his shoulders and turned to look out the window, unable to deny the truth in his brother's words. For once, it would be nice to date someone who isn’t constantly in the public eye as much as he is. But how long would that last?

“Just meet her. If you don’t hit if off, then fine. But at least you tried," Scott reasons, glancing in the rearview mirror before he merged into the next lane. "And maybe you even get a friend out of the deal. What's the worst that could happen, really?"

Eventually Scott and Chris arrive at TD Garden. Chris' eyes widen when he sees the lines of people wrapped around the arena. “Please tell me we don’t have to wait in all of that?” Chris asks nervously, turning in his seat to look at Scott. 

“Of course not,” Scott scoffs with a loud laugh. “What do I look like? A crazy person? Do you think I've learned nothing from all these years of having a celebrity brother?” Chris feels himself relax as Scott pulls the car to the back of the complex, rolls his window down to speak to a security guard. They're let through in a matter of seconds.. 

After pulling into a spot, Scott and Chris head for the VIP door, where a guard gives them passes and lets them know an assistant will be with them shortly to escort them to their seats. They are taken to their seats moments later, the assistant smiling and asking if they'd like any drinks to be brought out to them, adding that they can call at any time should they require anything throughout the show. They order two beers and the assistant says she'll have them brought out in a moment. Chris and Scott lean back in their seats as the stadium begins to fill up. 

Chris watches as crowds of fans pour into their seats from all sides, unable to remember a time where he'd seen the TD Garden so packed. 

Eventually, the lights come down and the crowd begins to cheer, roaring and clapping as they wait eagerly for the show to begin. A guitar riff plays and the crowd grows even louder. A lone figure steps out onto the empty stage underneath the lights. 

“Hello, Boston. How y’all doin’ tonight?” Rebel Queen asks into the microphone, her voice echoing throughout the stadium as the crowd cheers in front of her. Her delighted laugh fills the crowded space. “That’s good to hear! Are you ready to get this party started?” she asks with a mischievous grin, winking at her audience before launching into her first song of the show.

Chris is completely memorized. Rebel Queen is not at all what he pictured for a country singer. Dark hair, tank top, short shorts, tattoos and a voice that would make you sign a deal with the Devil just so you could keep listening to her voice forever. Her energy is incredible, owning the entire stage as she dances and sings her way from one end to the other. She keeps the crowd on their feet with her rowdy country rock hits and stage diving into the audience. The roaring sound of her fans only seem to get louder as her show goes on. 

How someone so small could possess so much energy is beyond Chris. His eyes are glued to Rebel Queen as she belts out her lyrics and sings her heart out to the crowd. Even when she slows for her soulful ballads she keeps the audience engaged, pulling fans up onto stage to sing along with her. 

As the concert begins to wind down, one of the security guards stops by the VIP box to let Scott know he is ready to escort them backstage. Still completely enthralled by Rebel Queen's performance, Chris jumps when Scott touches his shoulder to let him know it's time to head backstage. Chris stands up from his seat and follows Scott and the guard out of the box, walking behind the stage to find an utter mess of chaos. People are running back and forth in every single direction, shouting and barking orders as Chris and Scott snake their way through the hustle and bustle. When they finally reach the VIP room, the guard tells them that the band and Rebel Queen should be off in about 15 minutes, inviting them to help themselves to refreshments. 

“So, what did you think,” Scott asks, looking over at his brother as he flops down onto one of the couches. 

“That was country? That's not at all what I thought country would sound like or look like,” Chris replied with a shrug, making himself comfortable on the couch beside Scott. “I couldn’t decide if she was the devil or an angel.”

Scott chuckles and flashes his brother a wicked grin. “Well, there’s a reason why they call her the Rebel Queen of Country. She's a bit more on the edge between rock and country. Says she likes it that way. Keeps everyone on their toes.” 

They hear the sounds of the show coming to a close and the band heading backstage to pack up for the night. The door to the VIP room opens and Scott gets up from the couch with a grin. 

“Scott!” Rebel Queen squeals, running forward and jumping into his arms with an enormous smile on her face. Scott laughs and spins her around, eyeing his old friend. “I didn’t know you were going to be here. Why didn’t Tommy tell me?” 

“We wanted it to be a surprise, country girl,” Scott answers with a cheeky grin, putting her down and beaming at her. “Awesome show tonight too, you were incredible!” 

“Thank you! I see you brought a guest with you. Are you going to introduce us?” Rebel Qqueen  asks, looking over Scott's shoulder to where Chris is standing up from the couch.

Chris is in a daze, eyes glued to Rebel Queen. She iswas even more beautiful in person, his mind momentarily blanking as he takes in her gorgeous smile and bright violet eyes. Scott clears his throat and Chris shakes himself free from his thoughts, stepping forward to stand next to his brother. 

“Chris, I would like for you to meet Evangeline Blackwood, the Rebel Queen of Country. Evie, this is my brother Chris,” Scott introduces them proudly, watching Chris with a smile. 

“Hi,” Chris says, his voice squeaking as he offers his hand. He clears his throat and smiles as he takes her hand in his. “Hi, it's nice to meet you Evangeline.”  

“My friends call me Evie,” Rebel Queen replies with a soft smile, shaking his hand and looking back at him shyly. 

“I think I like Evangeline better,” Chris says, still holding her hand, grinning when she lets out a demure chuckle in response. 

Scott watches the two of them together and high fives Tommy in the background, unable to help the grin plastered to his face. 

“So, Evie,” Scott interrupts, clapping his hands and causing Chris and Evie to break apart. “How long are you going to be in Boston?”

She turns back to Scott and shrugs. “I'm not sure. Tonight was the last night of the tour. So I’d have to check and make sure nothing is scheduled. Why? Are you up to something?” 

“What? No!! Not at all. Why would I be up to something?,” Scott defends quickly. Chris raises his eyebrow at his brother. Scott is up to something, and Chris knows what it is in an instant. “I just thought if there was nothing scheduled you might want to stick around. See the sights from a true Bostonian.” 

Evie tilts her head and smiles at Scott. “A true Bostonian, huh? And who might be this true Bostonian be? You?”

“Sadly, no. I have to head back to LA. Chris, on the other hand, is planning to stick around for awhile. I just know he'd love to show you around Boston. Right, Chris?” Scott says looking over at Chris, a Cheshire cat grin on his face.

If looks could kill, Scott would be dead right now. “Um, sure. I mean, if you want to stick around that is. I would love to show you around Boston,” Chris replies rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “Maybe we could start with breakfast tomorrow morning if you aren’t too tired.” 

“Mmm, that might be possible but let's make it brunch instead. I tend to sleep like the dead after a tour ends," Evie says with a chuckle. “Can I see your cell phone?” Chris hands Evie his cell so she can put in her number in, sending herself a text and handing the phone back to Chris. “I'll text you in the morning when I wake up.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Chris replies with a grin, trying to ignore the excited feeling in his stomach.  

Scott and Tommy are celebrating behind them when Evie turns around, the two quickly freeze and act they hadn't just been jumping around like idiots. Innocent, they are not.

“We should probably start packing up. I'm sure there are others wanting to go home after a long tour and we are keeping them waiting,” Evie says with a small yawn, turning to look at Scott.. “Scott it was so great seeing you again! I wish you were going to be around longer.” She grins and she pulls him in for a hug, the two embracing for a quick moment.

“I wouldn’t worry. I'm sure we will be seeing a lot more of each other,” Scott replies when he unwraps himself from Evie, smiling down at her and turning to face his brother. Chris and Scott give her a kiss on the cheek and congratulate her on her performance once again, bidding her goodnight before heading out the door. 

As they head back to the car, Scott jumps up and down excitedly. “Oh, man, you should have seen your face! I’m not sure when the last time you looked at woman like that was.”

“Oh, shut up, Scott," Chris says defensively, shaking his head at his brother. She’s beautiful, talented, and seems really sweet. "Who wouldn’t have been in awe of her?”

“Uh- huh. Sure,” Scott teases, raising an eyebrow and grinning as they both climb into the car.

Chris's phone suddenly buzzes; he reaches into his pocket to retrieve it and his eyes widen when he sees the name of the message sender on the screen. Evangeline. 

I can’t wait for brunch tomorrow. See you soon.

Chris' face lights up, his stomach flip flopping at the thought of seeing Evie in the morning. He buckles his seatbelt as Scott switches on the ignition and pulls out of the parking lot, unable to help his smile as he thinks about what tomorrow will bring.

Tags: @tilltheendwilliwrite @theycallmebecca @whiskey-cokenfanfic @thegirlwithpaperheart @mrsgoodnight @givemethatgold @patzammit @ari-levinson @anyoneforteaus @nishanki1 @wordywarriorwrites @thinkxlovexloud @its-forevermore @jewels2876 @nomadicpixel @sian22redux @girl-next-door-writes @captain-rogers-beard @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @averyrogers83 

#Chris Evans #Chris Evan x reader #Chris evans x ofc #Chris evan fanfiction #Rebel Queen #Evangeline Blackwood

[ceffythesquirrel]

Millionaire!Virgil AU

So this idea came into my head early this morning and I love it! So let me set it up for you in bullet points. ((Also charachter death by murder, but none of the sides die.))

First thing you should know is that Virgil's parents were well-off, but not exactly rich, the millionaire status came from Virgil's career as a well known musician.

He had gigs everywhere! Around the world, Hollywood, he was just that good. Everyone wanted him and he played/even acted in movies. It didnt mean he didnt have anxiety after years of public performance he just dealt with it.

He kept up his emo facad and ditched the people who wanted him to be professional. He hated suits and ties.

Well...because Virgil is bisexual in this AU he met his future wife who was the vocalist for a band that was climbing in ranks and popularity quite high! She had a similar style and attitude to Virgil's and they got along really well.

The band she sang for really liked Virgil too and so they decided to tour together which grew the popularity of both musical artists to the number one spot for top song.

At the end of the tour they both realized that they really liked each other and wanted to settle down and have a family.

So they bought a mansion together along the Florida coast and used that as their home.

They already had their first kid, Patton, by the time they wed and she was pregnant with her second. They still toured the country and were just as famous.

The couple was really big in magazines as fans fawned over them.

But it all changed when Roman was born.

Not that it was Roman's fault, it was the amount of work he was as a child.

They had to cut the amount of time they would spend on their jobs and work solely at home. They would take turns going and performing before coming home to take care of the kids.

That's when another next door hotshot neighbor who also was a Nascar driver (Remy), advised them to get a Butler.

Virgil was absolutely against it. He didnt want a person they hired to watch his kids, even though his wife told him it was like a longterm babysitter.

After some talking though, she was able to convince him.

So they hired a butler who doesn't need a name because as you will soon see he is an asshole.

They trusted the butler with the kids and at first he was fine!

Did everything he needed to, handled Roman like a champ so it seemed okay.

Up until Virgil left his wife and kids with him.

((DEATH WARNING!))

He got a call from the house and it was Patton crying.

He abandoned his show that night to fly home as fast as he could. He didn't know what was going on, but he knew it wasnt good.

He comes home to catch the butler hauling off the evidence of his wife's murder in a bodysack. He calls the police and tries to fight the guy off.

Police arrive extremely fast, and are able to arrest the guy and question him.

Virgil is livid, but is relieved to see his kids are unharmed. They told the story of how they saw their mom die in front of their faces and clung to Virgil like he was their only lifeline.

Appariently the butler only wanted to get rich, and he figured killing them off one by one and blaming it on an accident would have the most benefit.

Virgil actually laughed at his dimwittedness at that. You can imagine how much grief he has, as he feels he's going insane.

This also caused Remy and Virgil to have a strained relationship. In reality, Remy actually blamed himself for Virgil's wife's death.

So his wife's funeral went viral and when the world heard about the news everyone was sad. They were such an inseparable pair.

He spoke some and their kids came too. And Patton...sweet Patton..."Don't worry daddy! Mommy's right here!" Pointing to his heart and then point's to Virgil's heart. "Right here too!" The poor guy lost it on stage and he stated right there and then he was gonna retire, even though he was only in his late 20's. He had so much grief to struggle through and he didnt wanna be one second away from his kids.

It was sad that Roman seemed the most oblivious, he was four when his mom passed away, but still didn't understand his mom was gone.

He understood six months after her passing and just wailed in bed, Virgil and Patton laid with him and he cuddled with his sons until they all fell asleep together.

He kept getting call after call to do music, but he kept turning it down. He was enjoying his time with his kids and loving on them the best way he could.

Several agencies came to his door, asking if he needed any help in raising his kids and he closed the door on them before they could say anything after 'child'.

As they grew a little bit older, he was having trouble raising them on his own.

That's when Patton came to his father one day. "Dad? I...I think you need some help." He said it in the most loving way he could.

Virgil just pushed his anger down and said no, but Patton came back a few days later and told him the same thing.

It was then he realized doing all of this full time was too much for him. He couldnt even adequately teach his kids.

Roman couldnt read yet and he was almost 8.

That's when Remy finally talked to him again, and suggested a private tutor.

Virgil had the money, but still said no. Though as he thought about it, it appealed to him. The tutor would only be here for a couple hours, then leave.

Virgil and Remy had gotten to a better standing at this point after finding out he's been shooing child protective agencies off of his property for a couple years now, and decided to give it a shot.

Lo and behold, here comes Logan, 29-year-old tutor who Patton takes a liking to immediatly. "He has glasses!" He was excited to see someone else in the house that wore spectacles too, since he was the only one who did for awhile.

Logan is surprised to see this 10-year-old now hugging his legs, but he smiles and returns it.

Logan looks up to see Virgil, one of his favorite musicians ever. He didn't know he was gonna be teaching his kids. He gulps, knowing the story too well and also the fact that Virgil probably didnt trust anyone outside of his nextdoor neighbor and his kids. It would be a rough first couple weeks.

Virgil lets him inside and talks to him about the state of his kid's education. Thankfully, Logan was able to keep the fanboy inside as they talked.

As he began school the next day, Patton learned exceptionally fast. He was almost to the level other kids were at his age.

Roman on the other hand was a handful. The kid hated school and it took a couple days before Logan found away to get Roman to sit still. Roman loved fantasy, dragons, and fairytales, so he decided to base his curriculum of that which he loved.

"How many dragons do you see here Roman?" "Three!" "Good...and if one were to fly away, how many would there be?" "Two!" "Good job!" And it worked like magic.

Virgil finally trusted Logan enough to be away a little bit in different parts of the house to pay bills, do taxes and housework, but the skepticism would never fully go away and Logan understood why.

((Honestly this is all I have. I hope you all enjoy this weird idea or whatever! You decide if it should be Analogical!))

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #tw death mention #tw minor character death #hcs #au #ts sides #ts roman #ts virgil #ts patton #ts logan

[beesmygod]

this is what riverdale is about (part 4)

part 1

part 2

part 3

i’m back, to continue from where we left off. obnoxiously, i’m going to take a minute to plug my patreon, which is primarily for my webcomic but i also do movie reviews and talk about bad books i find so if you like these posts, you’ll probably like those as well. all i ask....is one dollar a month.

anyway fuck that let’s get back into this.

images are from the riverdale wiki

SEASON ONE (PART 2):

the last picture show: immediately this show reveals that our beloved jughead has been living in a nearly abandoned drive-in that he also works at. too bad for him, because it’s closing down. hilariously, literally nobody in his circle of friends cares and call his make-shift house a crack den. owned. its revealed an anonymous buyer purchased it from the town and the mayor decided to sell it to whoever.

archie brings flowers to his teacher-girlfriend’s recital and when he and grundy (and his dad) head to pop’s for a good ol malt or whatever, betty confronts him about his relationship. betty is hurt when he says grundy believed in him when no one else did and goes home with renewed purpose: take grundy down.

veronica’s mom is caught having a heated argument with a member of the southside serpents gang next to a dumpster by cheryl who, as she delights in misery and disaster, captures it all on camera. she shows veronica, who confronts her mother who brushes her off.

betty lures grundy into a fake interview for her school paper instead of going to the police. betty seems to be determining all of this based on the fact that she didnt have any social media until a year ago, which really makes me question betty’s journalistic bonefides. its framed like this means she didn’t exist before she got a twitter or whatever. its really weird. more relevant is that the only record of a geraldine grundy.....WAS AN OLD WOMAN WHO DIED 7 YEARS AGO!!!!! she takes this information to archie as well, who doesn’t care at all. he’s way too horny to care.

betty breaks into grundy’s vw bug and finds a gun and her real i.d. with her real name. archie is still too horny to care, even though betty (again, really overstepping her journalistic bounds) says that grundy might have killed jason (BASED ON THE EXISTENCE OF A GUN BETTY!!! COME ON). archie finally asks grundy straight up what the fuck is going on and she cops to trying to escape from an abusive husband, hence the gun and fake names.

jughead finds out that archie’s dad’s construction company won the bid to destroy the drive-in. its a bad time to be jughead. he tries to ask archie’s dad not to tear down the drive-in. through this convo we learn that jughead’s dad was fired from andrews construction several years ago for theft. a scene after this reveals that veronica’s mom is facilitating the purchase of the drive-in with the mayor pn behalf of her incarcerated husband.

i’m so glad the wiki reminded me of this line, word for word: everyone (and i mean literally everyone in town) goes to the drive-in for one last hurrah, where the southside serpents are guffawing up a storm. veronica somehow silences them by saying “You know what happens to a snake when a Louboutin heel steps on it? Shut the hell up or you’ll find out.“ it sucks so bad. veronica then witnesses her mother having an encounter with the same gang member who she is revealed to be paying to drive down the value of the drive-in property so hiram lodge can buy it for cheap.

archie and grundy are caught in a passionate embrace after betty’s mom reads her diary and goes on the warpath, rightfully telling her to get the fuck out of town or she’ll reveal her to be a child molester. grundy agrees to leave and archie is heartbroken. the last show of geraldine this season is her ogling two teen boys. horrible. leave, woman.

jughead leaves his shitty home and on his way out is accosted by the same gang member who was talking to hermoine lodge and is revealed to be....JUGHEADS DAD!!!!!!!!!! whatever.

heart of darkness: the town is abuzz with jason’s upcoming funeral and the teens of riverdale are fighting over who gets to take the dead kids spot as captain of the football team in a really normal and not at all super ghoulish way. archie is working his heart out now that his favorite teacher/pedophile has fled town. he has his time wasted by a member of the pussycats, valerie, who nets him a meeting with a music songwriter who tells archie he doesn’t have time for his shit. its a weird and totally pointless scene in the long run. it doesnt matter because archie’s music thing never comes to anything. the guy tells archie later, when he returns with sheet music, that his songs suck shit and he hates his music and to get out of his office.

jason and polly’s (betty’s sister) relationship seems to be at the center of whatever happened to jason, so betty starts asking around town about her sister, by using dates as a cover to ask probing questions to members of the football team. she also tries asking her father, who explains that polly and jason had a fight, polly tried to kill herself and so was shipped off to a mental institution. learning about jason’s death fucked her up again so they shan’t be exposing her to more sordid info about the events. the only information they get is that jason was selling drugs to raise money to leave town.

betty and jughead trace this thread to find out why jason would want to leave town but veronica is already finding out firsthand after she is invited to the blossom mansion for the world’s worst sleepover before the memorial (cool timing): the blossoms are all insane. they make their money on maple syrup, using the funds to build riverdale as we know it. veronica and cheryl bond over their awful parents and versonic encourages cheryl to act out at jason’s memorial FOR SOME REASON. KNOWING FULL WELL WHO CHERYL IS.

demonstrating extremely normal judgement, betty and jughead plan to raid jason’s room during the memorial to find clues. cheryl goes full hamlet, throwing herself on the coffin and weeping during her eulogy. they use this as cover to sneak away and go commit the worst social faux-pax you truly can do. however, they are interrupted by cherly’s senile grandmother, nana rose, who mistakes her for polly and reveals polly and jason were engaged. 

betty takes this information to her father who reveals he already knows but forbid the arrangement because the blossoms and the coopers have been trying to kill each other for decades over the whole maple syrup empire thing. betty and jughead later suspect her dad broke into the sheriff's office to steal his files related to uhhh everything i guess; a hunch which turns out to be correct.

meanwhile veronica’s mom is sent a live snake by the serpent gang, calls big strong fred andrews to come save her and then asks him for a job.

faster pussycats! kill! kill!: first of all fuck, the name of this ep.

archie, for some reason because i guess he doesn’t know what embarrassment is, decides he’s going to play an original song he wrote for the school talent show. he immediately gets stage fright at the try-outs and wusses out. veronica goes behind his back to sign him up anyway. thanks, asshole!

valerie, from the last ep, quits the pussycats because josie is slightly more stressed than usual about uhhh the talent show. also because she has a crush on archie for some reason.

hermoine, while acting as fred andrews’ new secretary, realizes he’s fucking BROKE. why’d he hire her? who knows. too late now. she suggests firing some people (for example............her, maybe, fred) but fred cant bear it...and is hoping to be saved by the newest construction job he doesn’t know that hermoine is manipulating under the table. much like his son, fred is now too horny to care and they make out while veronica watches awkwardly.

the remaining pussycats try to figure out what to do about their missing member problem. josie’s mom helpfully lays out that they need a strong woman of color, but not one prettier or more talented than josie. enter...VERONICA!!! who is miffed because archie replaced her with valerie in the talent show duet. veronica is now scientifically less pretty and talented than josie by show standards, which just rules because i love thinking that there are teen power rankings in riverdale.

betty and jughead make their way to visit polly at The Sisters Of Quiet Mercy which is literally the best name for a goth cover band in the world. surprise! polly is pregnant with jason’s baby. polly reveals she and jason planned to run away together, but she was caught by her parents and sent away. she then awkwardly asks how jason is and someone has to break the news to her.

josie’s dad makes a brief appearance, which i absolutely do not remember at all. i thought he only showed up in season 3 which makes mayor mccoys character arc way more awkward. anyway, the mccoy family, the andrews and the lodges all have dinner together to discuss business and its awkward as all hell. no one at the table likes the andrews.

betty straight up asks her dad if he killed jason and her mom laughs her ass off at the idea of betty’s soft white suburban ham shank looking dad being able to kill a weed much less a human. keep that in mind.

veronica’s mom forges veronica signature on a form allowing andrews construction to move ahead with the job.

jughead and betty kiss after talking about how they arent their parents. keep that in mind. anyway, betty takes jughead to a car polly mentioned that full of EVIDENCE. they take picture of it and leave the car to go tell the sheriff because i guess suddenly no one has cellphones.  jughead and betty return with the sheriff later to find the car has been light up by an unknown person. almost immediately after, bughead tries to rescue polly at the institution only to find she’s already bailed. welp.

josie and valerie make up and all four pussycats perform. josie’s dad walks out on her performance? harsh. cool dad moves.

archie sings and the crowd loves it. who gives a shit.

a kid died, guys. come on.

#riverdale

[istgimamess]

Label: JYP entertainment

Stage name: Song Ha Rin [Ha means great or talented, Rin means unicorn; so yeah, I picked this name for you because you're a great, talented unicorn and you should be protected at all cost, duhh]

Debut year: 2016 (3 years active)

Debut concept: electric pop, upbeat, cute and girly, sassy girl power, dance and vocal heavy

Number of members: 5

Group name: HolyElectric

Fandom name: Sparks

Position: main dancer, vocal line, the mom of the group [because you're super protective, patient and caring]

Male bestie: Choi Minho (SHINee)

How you meet: he's your protector but also your tormentor, if you're being honest! Your first meeting was a bit of a shit show, one minute you're practicing some basic dance moves for a live broadcast and the next you're hanging off the side of the stage in a mess of limbs and covered in water. His necklace tangled in your hair, your heel caught in his belt loop; the both of you soaked beyond repair, an empty water pitcher laying hazardously at the bottom of the stairs. "Umm, you think you can tell your pants to let go of my shoe!?" "Yeah, as soon as your hair releases my necklace.." He pushes at your forehead, palm covering your face completely, nothing happens. You knee at his torso and hip, nothing happens; you both try again. "Ouch! Watch yourself, King Kong! I cant breath!" "Okay, let's not panic! It'll just leave me pantsless and you bald!" After that it was like you were inseparable, quickly becoming friends through the shared experience of that tragic, embarrassing event. Turns out you have a lot in common, personality wise! You're both really sarcastic and just plain goofy; (you have this game, always competing to see who can make the funniest, goofiest faces) so, obviously, you make eachother laugh alot but you're also very protective over one another. "Hey, Minho! HolyElectric's Harin is your best friend, right?" "Yeah, she is! Why?" "Shall we send her a little video!? Quickly do something to make her laugh!" "Harin, I miss you!...(^ gif ^)..."

Female bestie: Tiffany Young (SNSD)

How you meet: you take singing very serious! You're always working on your vocals, trying out new techniques, experimenting with your range; you're very hardworking and your dedication to getting better is something everyone seems to notice about you, right off the bat. So you're always down for vocal classes and one on one's with your vocal coach, always excited to learn something new! And that's how you meet Tiffany, through a friend of a friend of a friend of your vocal coach! You were doing your warm ups, waiting on your teacher to arrive when Tiffany stuck her head in the room to compliment you on your vibrato! You tend to come off as a bit rude, because of how shy you are, so at first it didn't really go well! "Wow, you sound so good! Those runs were amazing!" "Umm, I know..no, I-..I mean, it's not like I think I'm super good or anything..I-..sorry." She ended up laughing your response off and joining you in the room! You quickly became really good friends, constantly listening to music and practicing together; going out for lunch and meeting up on the weekends for some quality shopping time! "Who would you say your best friend is?!" "Oh, she is also a singer! Her name is Harin and she's in the girl group HolyElectric! We hang out together probably every week!" "Oh really!? What are your favorite things to do together!?" "We are both shopoholics, so we're constantly shopping! And afterwards I always drag her out for ice cream because..(^gif^).." Your friendship is so cute!

Group bestie: NCT

How you meet: this is probably the most unconventional way you've ever made a group of friends but it worked, whether you wanted it to or not. There are probably a hand full of things that you absolutely hate in life: people who lie, crabs and bugs are just a few! When faced with any of these, more specifically crabs and/or bugs, you tend to run the opposite way, screaming at the top of your lungs, arms flailing! It's your natural reaction! So when you find yourself being used as a human shield between a grown ass man-child and bugzilla, you're forced to square up and save the man child! "OH MY GOD SAVE ME IT'S GOING TO EAT ME AHHHH EOMMA!!" You're being pulled close, your body picked up and thrown around by the trembling boy! You feel like you might actually vomit but also, oddly enough, you feel really protective; the mom in you suddenly coming out: throwing your fists up in a fighting manner, kicking your feet and swatting the sky in defense. "NOT TODAY, SATAN!!" Eventually the bug gives up on it's hostile takeover, there are about 3 seconds worth of calm and suddenly you're surrounded. "Taeyong! What happened!?" "Yeah, we heard screaming!" "I was attacked!! I thought I was going to die!" "What!? What happened!? Attacked by who!? Are you o-" "Yeah, sorry to interrupt, but are we going to actually sit here and pretend like we don't see the girl Taeyong-hyung is holding up off of the ground like a teddy bear?! We just ignoring that!?" "Haechan, dont be rude!" "How am I being rude!?" "You're always-" "Sorry, can you put me down, my legs are going numb.." And it was all down hill from there! They wouldn't leave you alone, following you around like a group of sassy, over-dramatic puppies! But you don't really mind! They're your biggest supporters, always streaming your music and cheering you on during award season! They also send you little video messages to congratulate you on your wins! "...(^gif^)..." "Wait, are you recording?!" "Yeah, Harin is about to perform so we need to send the message fast!" "But not everybody's here yet!" "Well, tell them to hurry!" They're truly adorable!

Boyfriend: Shin Hoseok/Wonho (Monsta X)

Ship name(s): Ha-Ho, Wonha, Ho-Rin

How you meet: you love, love, love traveling and you get the opportunity to travel a lot, with your job; but that's really not enough to satisfy you! So, whenever you have a day off, you like to travel! Nowhere too far, since you only really have the one day, usually to Japan, or China, any place near by! That's where you meet Wonho, in the airport; one second you're grabbing your baggage, minding your own business and the next you're face-full of chest! "Oooff, I'm so sorry-" "It's okay! It's not everyday cute girls use their face to assault my chest!" He's very sure of himself, very honest and openly flirty and it doesn't take long before his assertiveness pulls you out of your shy shell! You spend the day together, grab some coffee and then hit up the local ramen shop! It doesn't take long for you to become official: redcheeks and sweaty palms, shy confessions underneath the bus station hanger. He's the best boyfriend you could ask for, he's practically whipped! And his group members never let him live it down! "Hey, Wonho! Harin stayed the night last night, didnt she!? But you guys were soooo quiet, in your room! What were you doing!? Quickly, tell the camera!" "...(^gif^)..." They make him suffer, you find it hilarious!

Your biggest fan: Kim Yeri (Red Velvet) is probably your biggest fan! She is constantly making dance covers to your songs, streaming your music and watching your v-lives! "I'm a huge fan of HolyElectric! My favorite is Harin! She's such a good dancer and her vocals are always on point!" She's very vocal about how much she loves you and your music; so much, that even her fans are trying to make it so that she has the opportunity to meet you! "Yeri-unnie! Harin-unnie is your girl crush, right!?" " Yes~...(^gif^)..." "Hopefully you can meet her soon!" It's ridiculously cute!

Scandle: you're a dancer, that's what you truly want to be known as! You've been dancing since you could stand up straight and you've been like a spunge ever since; always trying to gain as much knowledge over the art, as you can! You take extra classes, make covers, mimic other great dancers, you're constantly in the practice room! So, yeah, you dance more than you breathe, this is not a secret! You've also known EXO's Kim Jongin for years, again, not a secret! He was one of the only idols to really reach out and interact with you in your trainee days; always offering to answer any "idol" questions you may have, offering to practice with you, teaching you new dance moves, critiquing your performances before every evaluation! He quickly ended up becoming your greatest teacher, an even greater friend, almost like a brother! So it's no shocker you're photographed together, a lot: Jongin entering your apartment building, Jongin picking you up and taking you out for dinner, you entering Jongin's apartment building etc. What is a bit shocking? The headlines that come with those photos, when Dispatch drops them. 'Neitizens get a HolyElectric shock when EXO's Kai takes new girl friend!' and 'HolyElectric's Harin sparks new dating rumors! Could EXO's Kim Jongin be the one?!' It was a bit confusing! "What the?! 'Could EXO's Kim Jongin be the one?!' What Disney movie is this!?" "The good kind, one with a great soundtrack and a beautiful dance number! You should feel lucky!" "I just threw up a little bit.." It's really cruel how much Jongin's enjoying your discomfort!

Other activities: obviously you're a great dancer, singer and all around performer but sometimes you really just want to be challenged! So when you're management team signs you up for a spot in 'The King of Mask Singer' singing competition, you're both super excited and super nervous! It ends up going well and you gain a ton of new friends and even more fans from the experience! "It was so fun! I didnt know singing could be so exhilarating!" "So what?! You want to give up dance and become the next Mariah Carey?! Good choice! Less competition for me~" "Jongin, I will cut you.." What a massive dork!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@bbwonho here is your private idol life ship! I hope you like it~ Let me know what you think! 😌

#thanks for your patience #lol **sob #im sorry i suck #choi minho #shinee #shinee minho #tiffany young #snsd tiffany #nct #nct wayv #nct u #nct 127 #nct dream #nct 2018 #shin wonho #monsta x wonho #monsta x #shin hoseok #kim yerim #red velvet yeri #yeri #kim jongin #kim kai #exo jongin #idol life ships #moodboard ships #selca ships #im suffering writers block #so again...sorry 😰

[crystalmaezing]

My wavemate, My crush pt. 1

“It started on our first day of work”

I’ve always been a  hopeless romantic ever since i had a crush back in my elementary days. Whenever i have a crush, i am always trying hard to let them know that i have a crush on them by looking at them always. I am swinging both ways, i tend to like boys and lesbians or bisexual girls (my mom do know that i had a crush on lesbians back then).

So going back to the present, I was hired in this company where my college friends are working, they told me to go there because i just resigned on my previous company which is a BPO as well. During our first day of work, i had my eyes on this someone which until now i still have a crush. She’s a lesbian.

At first i was actually a bit hesitant because it might be just a crush at first sight but the feelings went deeper than i expected. I was planning to forget about here until one day (December 16 to be exact), she actually pmed me on messenger saying that she wants to talk to me via call which is absurd. We never talked in person since i am awkward at her, just her in our wave.

At first, i actually told her that i don’t have any earphone working so i cant talk to her via call, just so you know, i hate talking on phone not using earphones, it sucks. But she keep on insisting that it’ll just take a few minutes. So i decided to allow her even if i don’t have earphones with me.

During the first topic of our call, she asked me where i was staying and such thing. The conversation goes like this (well not all is accurate though because that was like a few weeks ago)

Her: Where do you go home?

Me: *gives the train station that i always drop to*

Her: Where exactly is that, i didn’t know there is such station.

Me: *insists that it exist*

Her: Who are you with right now?

Me: My dad, my mom went to province.

Her: Tell your dad to drink medicine for cough (because she heard my dad coughing on the background)

And it goes on. She kept on asking me who is my crush and i replied to her jokingly “you”. At first she just laugh so i thought that i’ll just tell it to her jokingly even if it’s the truth.Sadly, someone arrives at home that i needed to hang up our call. Our call ended after 14 minutes. That Saturday, the day i decided to forget about her and decided to still have a crush on her right after our call. Even her laugh that night still lingers in my ears.

Monday came, I went to work and saw her. Just like the same old days, we didn’t talked to each other. It was weird because i thought she will talk to me because we sound so close to me that night. I awkwardly talked to her because she is quite close to one of my friend. She told me that she’s very drunk that night and she didn’t remember what we talked about.

That hit me like a lightning.

To me it was very meaningful but to her, it’s just a thing that she did while she’s drunk.

By the way, she have a crush at one of our wavemates, at first i thought it was me though, i’m such a hopeless romantic, i know. Because there are things that made me point at my fingers.

First, when i was busy writing the late on our wavemates. I heard her saying that her crush is busy, it turned out that i am busy and her real crush is busy talking to someone on phone. Another thing is when we’re on our way to the terminal, my friend asked her who her crush is and she said “I’m not gonna tell, she might be here”. Third one is i’m the only one she doesn’t talk much with. I know, i expected so much, i got disappointed big time.

Okay going back....Days passed by, we only talk on messenger like we’re really close but not talking personally in our office. We tend to have deep talks and such.

One time, i told her that my real crush is her because she kept on insisting. She keeps on commenting on my repost about my crush so i decided to tell her.

One time on December 18, we and some of my wavemates are having fun and then she suddenly called me and told me that someone is having a crush on me, i disregarded it.

Since i am used to us talking on messenger, i kept on waiting for her reply and decided to fake that i accidentally clicked the like button and she replied. We even talked about her family and mine. We have a lot of things that we talked about.

There was one time that she told me that she’s living alone and her mom lives at the province, i pitied her so i decided to cook something and bring more for her. I even jokingly told her that i’ll put some love potions on it and she said “Sure”. I gave her the food because she is eating with her crush. After that day, i bring more food so i can share with her. We ate together that day because her crush isn’t there.

I even saw her posting on myday a photo of her and her crush (now the girlfriend) and with a heart. Same with her girlfriend she posted one, it made me jealous one time big time.

December 23, i decided to get my hair done and i changed the color into red, i decided to do it to move on from her.

December 24, we have a morning shift so we wont have a hard time going home for Christmas even. I came inside our room with my earphones on, i am so awkward because i really told her that i have a crush on her. The sound of my earphone is really loud so i cant hear any of them inside the room, but i know she, her crush and her crush’ friend is there at the back of our room. When the song i am listening to ended, i heard her crush’ friend saying “There’s someone who have a crush on you in our wave right?” the moment i heard that, i knew that she told them that i have a crush on her, i felt betrayed.

I just let it flow. Ignoring her, she didn’t even talk to me that much. And i can see that she and her crush is already together because of their clingy-ness and sweetness on each other. It’s unofficial, i just expected it to be like that but i never heard it from anyone. It was actually sad for me but i kept on fighting it. There are times i am not even in the mood to eat.

December 24, Christmas eve, i was singing with my brothers and decided to post it on messenger, she just keep on seeing the videos and such but not talking to me. I chatted her to ask if she’s dating with her crush already but i’ve got no answer. 11 pm strikes and i decided to send her a long ass message. She just reacted an emoji with a heart and no response. She response to me in the morning saying she fell asleep already.

December 25th, i’ve got a greetings from her and nothing else. It getting more awkward already but i am still expecting that she will at least talk to me, but no.

During one of our chats, she asked me to have a drink with her and a friend, i said yes but when i sent her that long ass message, it got awkward. She doesn’t talk to me that much so i thought that maybe the invitation would be disregarded already.

Our salary day came, she asked me if i will still go but my friends already decided to eat on a buffet so i told her i cant go. It’s for my own anyway, i don’t wanna bond with her that much because i want my feelings to fade away.

December 29. She left on our gc, i was hella curious so decided to pm her. She told me that she fought and broke up with her girlfriend. I was more than happy but then, not really. She sounds so frustrated because her girlfriend did something that is really absurd. She even told me that they’re dating since December 22. I was in full shock because i even sent her a message during the 25th like whut.

She asked me to have a drink with her but it’s raining that time so i refused to go which is until now, i am sorry for myself. She even told me that she wont go to work anymore so i did everything to stop he from doing that. I  told her that i’ll give a gift or i’ll perform during our year end party but she refused to accept. She got quite busy during the night and i even asked her if she’s free on the next day but she said nope.

On Sunday, i talked to her again and asked if it’s a final decision, i even told her jokingly that she wont be able to see me perform. She said that she’ll go to work because she wants to watch me, i am really happy because i feel special. But it turned out that they got back together, i am stupid right?

December 31, our year end party. When i came in, she’s still not there but her girlfriend is so i thought, maybe they’re still not getting back together. She arrives and keeps on saying to her friend “Where’s the gift you promised me?” which is actually for me because i promised her. I was with my friend when she asked me to have a photo with her. I was actually surprised because we never had a photo together yet. She took it, her hand is actually trembling which is funny so i told her i’ll take it for her, but I AM TREMBLING AS WELL.

She were in front of me when i told my friend to take a photo together but she went to us saying that she wants to join so i took a photo of the three of us. I was really happy that time but that ended real quick when her girlfriend performed and she said “I’m so embarrassed for you”. I was like “They got back together”.

It even gets sadder when we’re about to eat, they went to get the food together, eating beside each other and they even took a photo together. For short, they’re very sweet to one another.

Our party ended, i was frowning the whole time, each and everyone is greeting one another and hugging each other. She was in front of me and i jokingly told her “Happy new year” and i even leaned a bit but we’re on our way out so i just went out of the room. She called me and said “Okay let’s hug”. I was about to hugged her but we both leaned on the same direction which made us almost kissed. I was embarrassed big time, even some of our wavemates saw it as well as her girlfriend. But we still hugged of course. Both of us were actually speechless after that.

Why is it whenever i am deciding to forget about her, she’s doing something that will make me fall for her more?

#hopelessromantic hopeless romantic crush wavemate

[sinfulcries2]

milkshake boy ; cai xukun

hello everyone! its my first REAL post sooo ive been watching idol producer lately and i fell inlove with cai xukun omg he is more beautiful than me anyways i hope you enjoy!

after a long day at school, you decide to get a milkshake and meet your future boyfriend

GENRE: fluff

WARNINGS: uhmm... sudden heart attack ^__^;

okay lets us prepare our hearts for this xukun imagines hdjwxbcje.

you were just a normal college student who took the course of performing arts and yOU WERE REALLY GOOD AT IT.

some companies scouted you but you rejected them all because you knew that you wouldnt have time for training because of school

if that aint me lmAO

anYWAYS

so one day your dance teacher taught a few moves that were new to you and your classmates so you had difficulties learning them.

whats worse is that your teacher assigned all of you and your classmates to create a dance with those moves in it.

and you were like ‘bITCH WTF ARE YOU SERIOUS MS.ZHOU??’

and it was like she read your mind and said “oH YES”

so you were determined to make the most creative and unique dance

class originally ended at 3:30 p.m but you stayed at the practice room dancing until 8:55 p.m

hOW HARDWORKING I CAN NEVER RELATE-

so you danced, and danced until you got the move right 

but like you kept messing up at one particular part.

at the middle of dancing, ms.zhou did a check on why the hell there was music coming from the practice room sO LATE AT NIGHT

to her surprise she saw you there working yourself out to the bone.

so she ran up to you and stopped you from dancing further.

“you need some rest y/n!!”

“no need-”

“yOU NEED REsT gO bAcK hOMe aNd sLeEp”

“yES MAAM’

so while you were walking home

and by walking i mean literally dragging yourself along the street with your school bag by your shoulder

you saw a milkshake shop not so far from where you were

and since you didnt have any water in your jug left, you decided why not buy some water from there.

so you walked and walked until you reached the shop

you entered the shop to get greeted by this hELLA ATTRACTIVE BOY

and you were like ‘omg i smell like sweat what do i do omg can i just shoot me he looks like full course meal iN a good way-’

and he shot you a bright smile

you swore your heart was beating 173600237 times per second

aND HE WAS THERE SMILING LIKE HE WAS ENJOYING YOUR PAIN

so you walked up to the counter

and he gave you a warm greeting

“hI WELCOME TO CHINLI’S”

im joking

“Hi welcome to idol projuicer, my name is xukun! what can i get for you?”

and you being distracted by his ethereal beauty you blurted out

“o-one strawberry milkshake”

because that was your favorite flavor

but you remembered that you had to buy water

tOO LATE THE RECIPT IS BEING PRINTED OUT 

so you pay for your drink and find a seat in the shop

after you find a seat you take a seat and scroll on your phone for a bit

sUDDENLY YOU HEAR A VOICE BEHIND YOU

“miss here is your strawberry milkshake”

and turns out its xukun dude who is also your waiter!

he flashes you a smile and puts the shake on your table

but you noticed he put chocolate ice cream on top with chocolate syrup!

so basically its now strawberry and chocolate

wHICH IS LIKE YOUR SECOND FAVORITE SHAKE FLAVOR

im sorry if it isnt omg 

so you unintentionally smiled and drank your shake happily.

xukun caught you smiling and he smiled too

he also swore his heart started beating 30572921637 times per second

see how theres more numbers

anyways the next day after school, you decided to go to that milkshake shop again

because of xukun and his shakes

mainly because of xukun

but anyways everytime you visited he would put some more add-ons on every shake you order.

the two of you got closer in just the span of a week

how?

one day you were craving his amazing milkshakes so you went there

and then while you were drinking, xukun walked up to you and built up a conversation

and the two of you cLICKED

why did he strike a convo?

he likes you mwahahaha

anyways aside from that in the span of two weeks

he gave you the nickname ‘beautiful loyal customer’

the owner of the shop, Mr.Zhang started to treat you as if you were his own daughter lol

the other staff, ziyi, justin, chengcheng, treated you as if you were their sister.

and best of all, xukun!gave!you!his!number!

and you became a squeeling dolphin when you got home

to the point your mom thought you were secretly a dolphin hybrid

one day while you and xukun were having a dinner date at the shop,

you remembered the dance you had to do

and the fact it was two days away made you scared af

so you excused yourself

sO LIKE YOU KNOW THAT DRAMATIC KDRAMA HAND GRAB?

THAT HAPPENED

he asked why you were leaving so early because it was unusual of you

so you told him “dance.learn.2 days”

he seemed to understand and he smiled at you

“i will help you”

and it was unusual because he didnt tell you he was also a dancer??

but you agreed anyways

so when the two of you reached the studio,

you played the music and started to dance to the song

xukun had heart eyes while watching you but also seemed to learn the moves quickly just by looking at it

so he noticed the moves you were messing up at and he taught you a few techniques and shit that would make you remember it and do it properly.

so after a while of teaching, he asked you to dance again but this time to apply the stuff he taught you

so you danced with the stuff he taught you

and when the song ended you heard xukun clap like a proud mom seal hybrid

and you also couldnt believe it because when you looked at your phone the song was done playing!

cONGRATS

so you ran up to xukun and hugged him tightly

and xukun was sHOOK  and you realized what you did and you pulled away awkwardly the two of yoiu being tomatoes.

but he broke the awkwardness and pulled out a mango milkshake out from his bag.

“yOU DID IT BEAUTIFUL LOYalL Y/N!!”

and the two of you would end up being a giggling mess

fastforward to the day of your presentation....

you got the second highest grade

zhengting being the first

but you were happy with your grade

soo when you went out of your school you saw xukun there waiting for you.

and you were like wtf why is he here

but he smiles only

“y/NNN i wANNA TAKE YOU TO THE MILKSHAKE SHOP AGAIN TO CELEBRATE!!”

and you giggled at his cuteness

so while the two of you were walking there and the two of you talking about life

he would lace his hand with yours

and you would be a CHERRY BOMB

and he would be there smiling widely while admiring your beautiful, flustered face

so once the two of you arrive at the shop

you would see that it was closed, but there were flower petals everywhere you would be so dumbfounded when you hear the song with the lyrics only being ‘balance’

and you hear someone with the voice of Mr.Zhang mutter a loud “cRAP WRONG SONG”

and after that a ballad love song would play

xukun would whisper a short ‘aish, mr.zhang’ but you would only giggle 

sooooo xukun would face you again and grab the both of your hands gently

he would be so nervous and shy omg pls save him

and he would blurt out

“uHMM Y/N IVE LIKED YOU FOR A LONG TIME NOW PLS DONT REJECT ME OMG IF YOU DONT LIKE ME BACK AT LEAST KISS ME OR SOMETHING IDK”

and you would only giggle and peck him on the lips

“ i like you too, my milkshake boy” you say and hug him tightly

he would grab your waist and kiss you LONGER

the two of you smiling into the kiss

when the two of you pulled away

xukun would give you a strawberry chocolate milkshake like when you first met each other

you would smile remembering the both of your first encounters and chuckle slightly.

xukun’s heart would go dugeun dugeun dugeun seeing your smile

and he would ask.......

“would you be my girlfriend?”

“yes of course”

“oUR MILKSHAKE BOY HAS FOUND HIS MILKSHAKE GIRL”

thats probably ziyi

everyone would cheer

and suddenly justin comes out of nowhere and plays careless whisper

while the two of you hold hands enjoying each others pressence

OMG IM DONE THIS TOOK ME 4 HOURS TO MAKE OML ANYWAYS HOPED YOU ENJOYED LOVELIES!

#cai xukun #idol producer #scenario #idol producer scenarios #cai xukun imagines #cai xukun scenarios

[meadow-dusk]

LONG LONG LONG

a music survey from livejournal days…

- TO TAKE THIS SURVEY, SIMPLY PUT YOUR MUSIC PLAYER ON SHUFFLE AND ANSWER THE QUESTIONS WITH THE TITLE OF THE SONG THAT COMES ON - [it’s better if you don’t cheat and don’t skip any songs.]

What is your name?: Moby Dick • Led Zep

How is your life going?: Get on the Right Thing • Paul McCartney

What is your nickname?: The Day the World Gets ‘Round • George Harrison

What is your theme song?: Little Games • The Yardbirds

What is your best friend’s theme song?: Wait • The Beatles

How is your life going to turn out?: Communication Breakdown • Led Zeppelin

Will you get married?: Four Sticks • Led Zeppelin

Will you have kids?: For What It’s Worth • Haley Reinhart

What will your job be?: Rattled • Traveling Wilburys

Did you/will you finish school?: Good Times, Bad Times • Led Zeppelin

Who is your best friend?: Behind that Locked Door • George Harrison

Who is or will be your significant other?: Think Pink! • Beyond Pink

Who do you like?: We’re All in This Together • High School Musical Cast

How will you die?: Stairway to Heaven • Led Zeppelin (YAAAAAS)

How do you feel right now?: Sentimental Journey • Ringo Starr

What is your favorite song?: Matilda Mother • Pink Floyd

How could you describe your parents?: Pilate and Christ • Jesus Christ Superstar (you can’t make this stuff up yall)

Your best friend[s]?: Postcards from Paradise • Ringo Starr

Your teachers?: She’s Not There • The Zombies

Your significant other [or crush…]?: Riding on a Bus • The Beatles (an interview)

Yourself?: Brian Bathtubes • The Beatles (taking requests)

What is your best feature?: The Riddle • Five for Fighting

What will you be/should you be, profession-wise?: Desire • U2

How could you describe this survey?: I Told You So • Randy Travis

What makes you angry?: Moanin’ • Chris Farlowe ft. Jimmy Page and a random sitarist (this song is so interesting)

What makes you sad?: Everything I Know • Mandy Gonzalez 

What makes you happy?: One • Bee Gees

What makes you dance?: I Still • Backstreet Boys

What is your favorite color?: Sundown • Gordon Lightfoot

How would you describe yourself?: Heart Attack • One Direction

Who is your worst enemy?: Little Soldier Boy • The Yardbirds

Who do you hate?: No Me Diga • In the Heights

Who do you love?: I Started a Joke • Bee Gees

Who do you lust after?: What Do You Want? • The Yardbirds Finish the Sentence I wish: Rainy Day Women #12 and 35 • Bob Dylan I want to: We’re on the Road Again • Ringo Starr I want to kill:. Money • The Beatles I want to eat: Spring Musical Medley • HSM3 yall with Kryan duet to open My head: Sometimes I’ll Be There • Naked Brothers Band (accurate) I am: Movin On • Rascal Flatts My best feature is: The Sad Bells of Rhymney • Fifth Avenue My eyes are: Safest Place to Hide • Backstreet Boys My hair is: Who Can See It • George Harrison My face is: Baby Come on Home • Led Zeppelin You should: Not This Time • 3Lw

Random Words of advice: And Here We Are Again • The Beatles  How do others see me?: Rhythm of Love • Plain White T’s How do I see myself?: Knowing Me, Knowing You • ABBA *** For this first section, put down the first ten songs that play, and then rate them on a scale of 1 - 5 (5 being the best) in the next column. 1. I Have a Dream •  Abba 2/5 2. Sounds of Silence • Simon and Garfunkel 5/5 3. In The Flesh • Pink Floyd 4/5  4. Ya-Ya •  John Lennon (ft. Julian on drums) 4/5  5. Magic Bus • The Who Live at the Isle of Wright 4/5 6. Stomp • Steps 2/5 7. KICK DA DUST UP • Luke Bryan 4/5 8. Your Mother Should Know • The Beatles 5/5 9. Photograph • Ringo (2017) 3/5 he sounds great but it isn’t exciting also who’s the chick I didnt sign up for this 10. Piggies • The Beatles 5/5 good one George Now for a little fortune telling… 1. Who am I?: Tug of War • Paul McCartney 2. Why am I here?: Bet On It • Zac Efron (skittles and steak) 3. What’s my theme song?: American Beauty/American Psycho • Fall Out Boy 4. How’s tomorrow gonna be?: Behind Blue Eyes • The Who 5. What does ______ really think of me?: Let’s Go to Vegas • Faith Hill 6. What’s this school year going to be about?: Man on Fire • Andy Gibb 7. Is something bad going to happen in the near future?: Little Bitty • Alan Jackson 8. What’s the government going to do next?: Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band/The End • Paul McCartney Live at Citi Field 9. What’s my best friend doing right now?: Inutil • Carlos Gomez 10. What does my iPod/MP3 think about me?: American Girl • Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers Last section! These next questions are all about music 1. I absolutely LOVE this song!: The Look of Love • ABC Comments: This was in Start the Commotion and there was a clip art of eyes as the O’s in look 2. I have no clue why this song is still on my music player: Steppin’ Out • John Mayall and the Bluesbreakers Comments: It’s saved because I occasionally really try to get into Clapton 3. This song has AMAZING lyrics: Love Will Find a Way • Pablo Cruise Comments: I remembered his initials but not his name

4. The band that does this song is one of my favorites: Most Peculiar Man • Simon and Garfunkel Comments: I would not say favorites but I give them their due 5. My dad loves this song: Songs About Rain • Gary Allan Comments: he bought the CD and took it on road trips so probs 6. My mom can’t stand this song: The Hook (All My Love) • Led Zeppelin Comments: she probably can stand it more than me 7. I have a sibling who enjoys listening to songs by this band: When You See a Chance • Steve Winwood Comments: fair to say that cause once she asked me what the name of Valerie was 8. One of my best friends hates the band that does this song: Like Nobody’s Around • Big Time Rush Comments: NO FRIEND OF MINE! 9. I got this song off a mix CD: Got My Mind Set On You • George Harrison Comments: I learned how to do the mashed potato to this song 10. This song is on a movie soundtrack: The Freedom Song • Jason Mraz Comments: could definitely be but don’t hold this one down

11. Share a memory involving this song in comments: Friday On My Mind • The Easybeats Comments: running to it - how was there this much good music at one time 12. I’ve played this song on repeat before: You’re My Number One • S Club 7 Comments: Try this ALBUM back when we used to play S Club and have choreography 13. This song is on the band’s Greatest Hit’s CD: Ramblin’ Man • Allman Brothers Band Comments: if it isn’t they screwed up 14. I love dancing to this song!: If You Wanna Do a Dance • The Spinners Comments: seems like that was the idea 15. This song gets me every time I hear it: Bathroom Sound (Out on the Tiles early take) • Led Zeppelin Comments: I prefer the final version with vocals and silly quips but this version does just as well for Bonzo Appreciation Time 16. This song is great to listen to when you’re angry: Farmer Refuted (Instrumental) • Hamilton  Comments: OH MY GOD tear this dude apart 17. I love the music video for this song: I’m Just a Singer (In a Rock and Roll Band) • Moody Blues Comments: if there is one it’s probably psychedelic so I’d dig it I bet 18. I’ve seen the band that performs this song live: The Boxer • Simon and Garfunkel Comments: I have not.  This song is beautiful.  19. Is this song better to listen to at night, in the morning, or in the afternoon?: Let’s Get Rocked • Def Leppard Comments: morning, running. 20. I haven’t listened to this song in so long!: That’s the Way (Live Paris 1971) • Led Zeppelin Comments: not true it came on on the way to the gym barely a few weeks ago *** What were the first words to Abe Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address?: What ya gonna do when it’s cold outside? (Keep It Hid • Robert Plant) What did Martin Luther King have a dream about, anyways?: You’ve got a cute way of talking, you got the better of me! (You Make Me Feel Like Dancin’ • Leo Sayer)  Tomorrow’s newspapers will all have the major headline of: Out in the Rain Looking for Sunshine (Permanent Stain • Backstreet Boys) If someone offered you some free drugs, how would you respond?: Lord almighty, feel my temperature risin’...(Burning Love • Elvis) What kind of higher power do you believe in?: You need coolin, baby I’ ain’t foolin (Whole Lotta Love • Led Zeppelin) What do people really notice about you?: There’s a girl I know who makes me feel so good (Valleri • The Monkees) What do you notice first in the preferred sex of your choice?: Hey fellas, have ya heard the news you know that Annie’s back in town (Heartbreaker • Led Zeppelin) What do you look for in reading books?: They say that Richard Cory owns one half of this whole town, with political connections to spread his wealth around (Richard Cory • Wings) What’s a must-have quality in a friend for you?: Meeting people along my way, seemingly I’ve known one day (Happenings Ten Years Time Ago • The Yardbirds) What scares the shit out of you?: Gat Kirwani • George Harrison (this has no words it’s just a sitar jam) How do you laugh?: Anna, you come and ask me, girl, to set you free girl? (Anna (Go To Him) • The Beatles)  Why do you do these surveys?: When the night returns just like a friend, when the evening comes to set me free  (If You Know What I Mean • Neil Diamond) Do you have anything you’d like to confess?: I can see you in the window waiting for my call (Untouchable • Big Time Rush) How do you feel about the person you cannot stand the most?: If ever you’ve got rain in your heart, someone has hurt you and torn you apart, am I unwise to open up your eyes to love me (Run To Me • Bee Gees)  The best date ever, in your book, would consist of…: Dear Theodosia, what to say to you?(Dear Theodosia • Leslie Odom Jr. & Lin-Manuel Miranda) If you sent a random Hallmark card to a friend, you would write to them: Are we growing up or just going down? It's just a matter of time until we're all found out. (Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year • Fallout Boy) If you had the chance to speak to (a) God, what would you say?: Every time I see her, she don’t even look my way (Just My Style • Gary Lewis and the Playboys) Finish the sentence: “When the going gets tough…”: My friend came to me with sadness in his eyes and told me that he wanted help before his country dies (Bangla Desh • George Harrison)  How do you deal with your stress?: I can almost remember their funny faces (Jet • Paul McCartney) What is your biggest burden in life?: Somebody’s knocking at the door, somebody’s ringing the bell (Let Em In • Wings) What’s the coolest thing about your best friend?: Hands, put your empty hands in mine (Stand By You • Rachel Platten) Why do you love the one you do?: Sweet, wonderful you.  You make me happy with the things you do (You Make Loving Fun • Fleetwood Mac) If a friend broke their arm and got a cast, what would you write on it?: Gonna build myself a castle high up in the clouds (Dance the Night Away • Cream)  You see a stick and wet cement. What do you write?:  It feels so right now hold me tight (Hold Me Tight • The Beatles) A guy just stole your (purse, car, etc)! What do you yell at him?: Welcome to the camp, I guess you all know why you’re here (We’re Not Gonna Take It • The Who) You pass a crack addict on the corner one day. Solemnly he tells you: Well now we’re respected in society, we don’t worry bout the things that we used to be, we’re talkin heroin with the president (Respectable • The Rolling Stones) What will your baby’s first words be?:  He knows about you in every way, he's memorized every part of your face (Does He Know • One Direction) You are at your wit’s end, and decide to write a suicide note. It begins: The pound is sinking, the peso’s falling, the lira’s reeling and feeling quite appalling (The Pound is Sinking • Paul McCartney) Why can’t there be peace in the world?: Let’s talk about one, bay-bay, ya gotta hear me out (Get Another Boyfriend • Backstreet Boys)

How do you think people see you?: I walked in the band just started, the singer couldn't carry a tune in a bucket (Ten Rounds with Jose Cuervo • Tracy Byrd) Inside, though, what kind of person are you really?: well the rain was a-fallin’ and the ground turned to mud, I was watchin’ all the people running from the flood (Deliver Your Children • Wings) If you wanted to comfort a friend, you’d say: Anytime, any day you can hear the people say that love is blind, well I don’t know but I say love is kind (Listen to What the Man Said • Wings) When you want to cheer someone up, you say: *I just make series of nonsense sounds* (Pow R. Toc H. • Pink Floyd) You’re unbelievably depressed because your friend just told you…: people say we’ve got it made, don’t they know we’re so afraid? (Isolation • John Lennon)

When you are incredibly bored, you start thinking about…?: I drive all alone, at night, I drive all alone, don’t know what I’m headed for. (Dead End Friends • Them Crooked Vultures) You’re a classy person, so instead of cursing when you’re mad, you yell…?: I met a gin-soaked, bar-room queen in Memphis (Honky Tonk Women • The Rolling Stones)   you’re writing a love letter, but what are you going to begin it with?: The theater’s so obsessed with drama so depressed, it’s hard to sell a ticket on broadway! (Keep It Gay • The Producers)  If you were to write a letter to the President of the USA, it would say…?: It’s a boy, Mrs. Walker, it’s a boy (It’s a Boy • The Who) What would someone have to tell you to make you really angry?: No no no no, don’t phunk with mah haaahrt (Don’t Phunk with My Heart • Black-Eyed Peas) …To make you really depressed?:  Cars and girls are easy to come by in this day and age, laughing joking drinking smoking til I spend my wage (Over Under Sideways Down • The Yardbirds) ...To make you sexually aroused?: Catch a star if you can, wish for something special (Are You Ready for Love • The Spinners) Your first thoughts waking up were…: Life is just a bowl of All-Bran, you wake up every morning and it’s there (Happydaystoytown • The Small Faces)  Your last words before falling asleep will be…: the sun is shining in the sky, there ain’t a cloud in sight (Mr. Blue Sky • Electric Light Orchestra)

#music survey #wow that only took me half a month #kari

[omgchickmik]

story

My story. 

one of my earliest memories was playing with my favorite toy horses. Big Girl, Joe, Jane and Jim. I was playing them with my sister and I think my grandma had gotten me them. There was just something about horses that I absolutely had to have. Growing up was spent in the pool, riding bikes with my best friend Niki, swimming at grandma and grandpa’s, tree house adventues with my sister Kristi and Niki and playing and playing with Barbies, Maple Town and of course horses. 

I was a bit of a stinker if I didn’t want to do something, I DID NOT WANT TO DO SOMETHING. Like dance. Fuck dance. So I would sneak over to grandma’s house (mom and dad would freak like you would wtf is my child!?) and I would be at grandma’s and be like grandma will tell you that dance sucks and I shouldn’t do it. Grandma and grandpa always had my back. 

The biggest best thing evvver was taking horse back riding lessons. I started when I was in pre school and it was the best thing evvver. I would watch any tv show, westerns, Mr. Ed anything that had horses in it just to watch horses. My sister took lessons with me but soon it was just me taking lessons. 

I remember the first time I fell off, I was cantering and froze when the trainer asked to slow the horse down. around and around i went faster and faster then the horse cut down the middle I fell but my leg was still in the striupp so i got dragged a little bit till the horse came to the trainer and stopped. My mom flipped. but i was like ok, i get back on now. That’s what jim from man from snowy river said. not shaken up at all. 

I wondered why there was a blimp in my mom taking me to lessons and my grandparents. Bc apparently after that my mom was like i am not taking you riding anymore and of course in came grandma and grandpa to take me to lessons. I remember i would blow kisses to them everytime i passed them by in the ring :). 

All i wanted was a horse. my mom said when i was 10 i could get one. so when i turned 10 and didnt have a horse of my own i was a bit upset. and durning this time my family decided to move to west palm beach, about an hour away from where i was. but all my best friends were there and grandma and grandpa i coulnd’t believe this shit! and no one asked me! sooo i hid, threw out checks i thought were going to the house, what a brat i was. and made a fuss when it came to moving. 

we did move and i found a best friend there, jackie, she had not 1 horse but 3!! the coolest person ever. we hung out all the time, playing barbies, horses, pretending to be horses, being tom boys, swimming having the best time. then i started taking riding lessons and the cooolest thing i started showing horses! my dream come true! and so was jackie! 

soon we got a call from her mom i wanna say who said go to this barn and try out this horse. so we did. his name is sinful and we became bessst friends. first we leased him and showed him then turning 11 my dad, grandpa and a neighbor built me a barn! and sinful came to stay at our house i had a horse!! We did all the compeitions and won so many as well. we did western, english, jumping but i would say our favorite was trail rides and trail rides with jackie. 

in middle school jackie and i had different classes and i didn’t have that many friends. i took to another favorite thing of mine. movies. i would watch, the lion king, twister and the cable guy. enter jim carrey. i wanted to be jim carrey., i would dress up like ace ventura nearly every friday for ace ventura fridays. i was not cool but jackie accepted this and contuned being my best friend.

in high school i took drama and was introduced agaikn to chorus something i did in elementary school. and the chorus kids took me in and introduced me to broadway. 

i thought broadway was trash but they took me to see rent and i reconsidered. i was then deciding i wanted to be maureen in rent and needed to go to nyc stat!

i got accepted into amda and as my parents tried to convince me not to go i went and made some incredible friends and actually learned how to dance. all the while i was there i was still missing sinful and horses. so when i came home to go to fau - i was not happy about - i made a point to get back into horses and started competing in the jumpers with alfonso. 

the coolest horse show is called wef. and i wanted more than anything to ride in wef. i got a job to pay for lessons and by the 4 years i finally got to show in jumpers at wef! while at fau i met some amazing people and roomed with one my best friends smisek who introduced me to alternative music and a person who just loves music and i wanted to love music as much as she did. 

so we went to some shows together and saw eric hucthinson. during this time my sister was making a album of her own and performing something i never thought one could just do. and while at amda i started making up songs for people but didn’t think anything of it. till i saw eric and he was funny and also made up songs. so smiske and i went to open mics and as a grad present my dad got me a keyboard that i took to nyc. 

moving back to nyc i went to auditions for theater but didn’t care and came home and said i was going to pursue a career in songwriting and they were actually excited, which surprised me. 

i went to see eric play and asked him after hwo to get a start as a songwriter and he suggested, playing open mics. so i did. 

i met a boy who turned out to be  a shit and wrote songs about him, then met a very nice producer and he recorded and helped me put together my songs. and i finally had something to offer and started playing out. 

my mom says you never know if you dont ask. so i asked this one artist if i could open for them. they said yes. then i wrote to eric asking the same thing. then i saw him in person randomly at a bar and talked to him and after that he wrote me back saying to look out for dates. i did. and then he reached out to me to open for him.

i did a fucking great job on that show! and he asked me to open for him again. during this time i was working at a riding barn in the bronx and had to yell to talk to students and compete with all the other trainers talking, so my voice was upset. needless to say at the next show my voice bombed and cracked in multiple spots and i felt like a complete failiure. 

i went home and decieded to change my voice teacher and found ron. and i decided to leave my teaching job and try to get a job at soulcycle. 

while working at soulcycle i was working with ron on finding my voice. i got signed to this silly college label and released my first full length album with dave and did a kickstarter to help get a little bit more money to finish it. 

playing a show for one of the pre kickstarter shows i met brian. i wasn;t that into him at first, as his friends introduced him as a douche. but when he came to another show, brought people and hung out at karaoke later i began to get into him. 

we started dating and then we fell in love! 

i got to open for dweezil zappa bc my dad had entered me into this submission to open for him. after soundcheck he asked if i would be interested in joining his band and going on tour. i thought he was crazy. but he was serisous. 

he sent me about 40 songs to learn and i went to la to rehearse, ron and i worked over time. i got to go on my first tour! it was so cool! i had a bottom bunk and would make sure i prioritixed my voice when it came to the tour and go lots of sleep. we played amazing places like red rocks and also got to to europe for the first time and went to finland and even norway! the band is incredible and made me feel so good and happy to be with them. i wanted to be able to pursue my own music so i didn’t continue in their band but i hope one day they ask me to sing with them again. 

back in nyc i was at soulcycle and they were kind of poops to me. but i started a musical sketch team called misc. filled with amazing funny peoeple and we make up funny sketches with music and my good friend pete plays all the music for us! but that started bc the magnet theater would never let me into their musucial improv teams so i created my own. 

brian and i got married on a rooftop in bk and it was amazing! so perfect! we did so many of the crafts and all of the flowers. we got this cute dog finn and cat hiccup!

i then thought it would be fun to move down to nc to be and spend time with my family and sinful! so we moved here last oct and have been since. its been fun to have a yard, dishwasher, dryer and washer! I now teach my own spin classes and i get to see sinful everyday and try to make him the happiest pony ever! finn loves going to the barn too! and it’s been fun spending time with my nephews and niece. i hope i help them feel better about somethings like school they don’t really like. i also helped kim move out of mom and dads house and into her own and aj into his apt which was so cute. and now i am finally learning and developing the business side of my music and all my little side hustles. i feel really happy and grateful.