#and making sure gansey could contact him if necessary

[itmakesyoulooklikealoser]

Letting Go and Moving Forward

[Day 1: Something Old/Something New/Something Borrowed]

Ronan walked through each room of the Barns one last time. He took his time as he walked through the old house, old memories dancing through his head. He walked up the stairs and down the hall stopping in front of his old bedroom. He opened the door, walked to the center of the room and looked around. All the furniture had already been loaded onto the moving truck, but the room still felt full.

The room was stuffed with memories, good and bad. This was the room that Ronan had found out he was a dreamer like his father. Ronan didn’t remember, but he knew that Matthew was brought into existence in this room. It was the room where he slept soundly while his father was murdered just feet away. It was also the room where he gathered his courage and kissed Adam Parrish for the first time. Ronan smiled at the memory and closed his eyes. He couldn’t believe that he was actually leaving the Barns—this time willingly.

Ronan startled as arms wrapped around his waist. Adam had come into the room without Ronan noticing and come up behind Ronan, wrapped his arms around him and put his chin on Ronan’s shoulder.

“You almost ready to go? The movers are getting restless, but I can tell them to go ahead without us if you need more time.” Adam spoke softly into his ear.

Ronan shook his head, “No, I think I’m ready.”

Adam twisted Ronan around and looked directly into his eyes. Ronan knew Adam felt guilty that he was the reason Ronan was giving up the Barns, the one thing Ronan had fought tooth and nail to get back from his old life. No matter how many times Ronan had told Adam that it was time to move on from the old and that he had come to terms with leaving Adam didn’t quite believe him.

He understood why Adam didn’t believe him fully. If Adam had come to him and told him that he was going to stay in Henrietta with Ronan and that he was completely okay with it Ronan wouldn’t have believed him either, no matter how many times Adam said it.

“Adam, I promise you I am ready and okay with all of this.”

Adam sighed and gave a sad smile to Ronan, “I just want to make sure that you aren’t going to regret this and become bitter towards me later down the road. I could not live with myself it that happened”

“When has anyone ever gotten me to do something that I didn’t want to do? You aren’t that fucking special, Parrish.” Ronan joked.

Adam rolled his eyes and his smile became more true. He shoved lightly at Ronan’s shoulder.

Ronan caught Adam’s hand in his.

“In all seriousness Adam, I want to do this with you. I knew before I kissed the first time that if we made it this far this would happen. I would never be bitter towards you and I would never hold you back.”

Ronan and Adam had come a long way in terms of communication. The first half of their relationship was them fumbling around each other, half communicating and half assuming the other knew what they were feeling. There had been fight after fight over assumptions made.

After one particularly nasty fight while Adam was away at college they both decided it was time to sit down and have a real conversation about feelings and where they were headed in their relationship. Ronan had hopped into the BMW and sped the entire way to Adam’s college arriving at 2 am. They had stayed up late into the early morning discussing the future. There had been tears and laughter, questions and answers, insecurities brought forward and addressed. It was an intense night, but ever since then they had been better, but still not perfect, about communicating with each other. They both were slower to anger with each other. It had been hard, but necessary if both of them wanted to stay together. Now Ronan was a lot better at communicating his feelings, at least to Adam. He still struggled when it came to other people.

Ronan dropped his hand, still tangled with Adam’s, and walked out of his bedroom and towards the front door. Once they were out and Ronan locked the door one last time he stepped back and admired the house. He had done a lot of work on it in order to get it ready to sell. He repainted the entire house inside and out, repaired broken banisters and porch railings, had carpets replaced and hardwood floors redone.

He had started on repairs and prepping well before Adam had started looking for a job in his last semester. He had told everyone at the time that he just wanted to refresh the place. Cover some of the bad memories so they could be replaced with new, better memories. He knew he couldn’t continue to live in the past. He had Adam now and he knew Adam would never be truly happy at the Barns.

They had been able to avoid the topic of what they would do after Adam graduated for a long time. After all, Adam would be in school for at least 7 years. Both knew it was a sensitive topic for both of them for very different reasons. They had vaguely talked about it a few times, skirting around real answers. Gansey, of course, had brought it up several times saying they need to plan for the future sooner rather than later. Each time he was met with glares from Adam and Ronan and a kick to the shin from Blue. After the first few times of that happening he asked less and less often.

Then Adam had started his last semester of Grad school and Ronan knew it couldn’t be avoided any longer. On one of Adam’s weekend trips back to the Barns Ronan had made a nice dinner and casually brought it up in the middle of dinner with a simple “I was thinking about where we were going to live once you graduated and found a job”. Adam had stilled with his fork halfway to his mouth and could barely make eye contact with Ronan.

Ronan knew that Adam had already started applying to jobs and had already had a few interviews. Adam had made a lot of connections during his time at school and he was the top of his class. There was no way Adam hadn’t already started the process. But it was one of the few things they hadn’t discussed in depth. Adam kept to himself about his interviews and job prospects. Ronan knew why Adam wasn’t open with him about this particular matter, but it still stung Ronan a little.

Adam cleared his throat, lowered his fork and finally made direct eye contact with Ronan, “Actually I’ve been meaning to bring that up.” He looked away from Ronan and was blushing slightly.

“Oh my fucking God, Adam!” Ronan’s voice raised more than he expected, “You got an offer already haven’t you!”

Adam looked like he was ready to defend himself when Ronan realized he sounded angry, when in reality he was thrilled. He wanted nothing more than for Adam to get a job he would love.

“Wait, no. I’m not angry. I’m fucking ecstatic. Well actually, I am a little angry. But only because you didn’t tell me sooner! How long have you known?” Ronan interrupted before Adam could say anything.

“I haven’t accepted yet, I’m not sure I’m going to. It’s really far from here and I don’t want to be apart now that I am done with school. I have some applications in closer….”

“Adam Parrish. I swear to God if you turn down that offer I will kick your ass.” Ronan interjected.

“Ronan. Let’s be reasonable. The job is all the way across the country. I’m not moving across the country if it means being separated from you.”

“Who said anything about being separated?” Ronan asked.

“Ronan,” Adam started cautiously, “I know you want to stay at the Barns. You love the Barns.”

“Yes, but I love you more. And I am not letting you turn down your dream job just because of me. Hell, I’ve already got the place mostly prepped to sell. I just have a few more things to do. I already have a realtor lined up to sell the place and…”

Adam bolted up from his seat and kissed Ronan hard and fierce.

Adam had accepted the job immediately and Ronan went into overdrive to get the Barns ready to sell. When Ronan told Gansey that he was selling the Barns and moving to California once Adam graduated Gansey almost had a heart attack. Gansey expressed his pleasure in Ronan letting go of the past and moving forward with his life with Adam. He had exclaimed “Excelsior!” as he departed.

————

Ronan and Adam had opted to drive the entire way to San Francisco. They took the few weeks before Adam’s job officially started to spend some time together exploring every tourist trap from Henrietta to San Francisco.

They arrived in San Francisco a week and a half before Adam’s job started so they could properly move in to their new house and get settled in. As they pulled into the driveway to their new house Ronan was pleasantly surprised. He had told Adam to pick a place for them and he trusted his judgement. Really, he had just wanted Adam to finally have the home he had always dreamed of and deserved. Ronan didn’t really care what the new house was like as long as Adam was there with him and happy.

They were just outside of San Francisco in a suburb and looking at a beautiful house. It was a one story house sitting back from the road. The front yard was fairly large. Ronan was surprised that Adam had picked this house. It wasn’t super modern like Adam had always talked about wanting. It had a country feel to it while still being modern. Ronan could see Adam out of the corner of his eye glancing from Ronan to the house trying to gauge his reaction.

Ronan got out of the car and walked to the front door. Adam followed behind and opened the front door. They both walked in and Ronan’s jaw dropped. The house was gorgeous. It was slick and modern while still feeling homey. From the front door you could see the living room, dining area and kitchen without having take a step inward. The movers had arrived a few days ago and moved the furniture in so that the necessities would be there when they arrived.

Ronan looked around the living space and wanted to cry. On one of the walls was a painting that Ronan had found tucked away in Noah’s room when he had helped Gansey move out of Monmouth. It was so Noah that Ronan had kept it. It was a painting of the Gang hanging out at Nino’s shortly after having met Blue. The boys were all shoved in the small booth with Blue leaning over the edge of the table to look at one of Gansey’s books. In the painting Ronan was looking at Adam with longing. Adam was laughing at something Noah had said. Gansey was captivated with Blue. It was so spot on their group dynamic. The part that made it so Noah was that all the paints had been mixed with glitter so the entire painting sparkled. He hadn’t even seen the whole house and he was getting emotional.

Adam took him on a tour of the rest of the house. There were 4 bedrooms, 3 full bathrooms, an office space for Adam and a surprisingly large yard with a studio for Ronan to do whatever he pleased in the corner. Every room they walked through had a mix of old and new stuff. They had opted to purchase most of their main furniture new to cut out a lot of the hassle with moving big stuff. They had kept a few things from the Barns that Ronan was attached to and Adam didn’t have anything to bring along. Ronan had of course left the choosing of the new furniture to Adam since he hadn’t seen the house before now. Adam had done an amazing job of making the house feel like a home.

Ronan had trusted Adam to make a good decision on their new home of course, but he had not expected this. For starters, Ronan had expected Adam to rent out a studio apartment or something more inexpensive. Ronan had told Adam that he had full access to his bank account and to do what he saw fit. So he had expected Adam’s pride to get in the way and not splurge on what he really wanted because he was using Ronan’s money. Second, Ronan wasn’t sure what to expect when it came to a yard in a big city like San Francisco so he had accepted that they wouldn’t have one. This house had a huge yard with plenty of space for Ronan start a small garden. He wasn’t sure on the laws on farm animals yet, but he fully intended to find out. There was enough room for a few animals if he wanted them.

Ronan could not believe that Adam had purchased this beautiful house. It was so perfect. It fit both of their personalities perfectly. Adam had definitely bought a home instead of a house.

Ronan turned to tell Adam what an amazing job he had done on picking out a home for them only to find Adam down on one knee with a ring box open in his hands. Ronan felt faint. They had discussed the possibility of getting married a few times but had never really settled on anything. As long as they were together they would be happy. But now that he saw Adam down on one knee he knew he wanted nothing more than to marry the man before him.

#pynchweek17 #pynchweek #this is 100% unedited #sorry if there is anything crazy wrong with it #trc fic #TRC #Ronan lynch #adam parrish #the dreamer & the magician #pynch #my writing #pynch fic