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#and my books thats the other half supporting my brain
greyeyedmonster-18 · 2 years
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hello dr. grey I would like to very anonymously request any and all of your thoughts about multicultural latinx wolfstar and raising harry <3
oh hello very anonymous anon who i might have a vague idea about who it is but really im not sure this could be anyone
-look, in this world, the potters get to be salvadoran and i think effie would teach sirius about salvadoran quesadillas y pupusas y panes con Pollo (because like hell was Walburga or Orion teaching sirius how to cook, so he may be a cuban ((also not mad at a Colombian Sirius or Brazilian Sirius) bebe but he definitely took all of the Potters traditions).
-remus would fuck hard with a salvadoran quesadilla (look they melt in your fucking mouth, with a little coffee in the morning, demanding that shit every day)
-so much shit talking in spanish, McGonagall can hear pendejo from a mile away and send them both to detention. remus more than sirius for sure. (HC that sirius didn't know remus spoke Spanish until sirius muttered something unkind under his breath first year and remus LAUGHED and cat was out of the bag.)
-oh. also. and i know HC's usually go...the other way (where Sirius's parent's would've been like English Proper), but i think sirius's parents would've been super proud of their culture, and only spoke Spanish in the home, refusing to answer their children if they spoke English etc etc or out in public (even though sirius and reg both knew english). so the first year of hogwarts, Sirius was there like reformatting his brain to answer in English (and James definitely translated; we stan a supportive best friend) and made all the blunders.
-also side bar-- spells in spanish??? like bet Latinx wizards just have a whole different book of spells (mayhaps that's what makes the Black's and Other Purebloods so "powerful")
-sirius goes over to Remus's house for the first time and flips a tortilla with his bare hands (because this babe cooked with hope, for fucking sure). Hope proceeds to lose her shit- ya te puedes casar; immediately turns on the most romantic record.
-bachata at the lupins.
-tiny little bilingual harry learning english and spanish at the same time. also that like, spanish is spoken a little bit differently everywhere? i can't explain this. and tiny harry is trying to make sense of all the words that mean the same things because Sirius says it one way and Remus says it another.
-summers at Number 12 would just be endless parties? endless. everyone at hogwarts begging harry for an invite and he's like "nah, i only want my two friends and my hot boyfriend there sorry" but sirius invites everyone he's ever met--goes to diagon alley, invites his seamstress.
-dksl;s;lfjdf latinx wolfstar wedding; alcohol and singing and dancing until 4am, half the wedding is passed out in the yard. two week long celebration bare minimum.
-look i know alot of these are about food. but uh...welcome to my latinx world that is largely centered around the kitchen and family. and i just think its really cute to think about Fridays in the Kitchen with Sirius. Like an all day affair making all the favorites.
thats it for now.
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corvidii · 3 years
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i am angrily stomping around my house now because i have just watched the trailer for shadow and bone and am mad that it won’t come out for another 25 days i am literally counting them 
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kicktwine · 3 years
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@renatogpadilla : What about baby Ven headcanons from the Age of Fairy Tales? Or current day Ven with Chirithy back and training with Kairi? I imagine having been a part of Sora for so long makes him want to protect Kairi like crazy, but it's VEN, so maybe it doesn't go that well... (Wether it's because the Daybreak Town issues hit them like a ton of Bricks or because Kairi legit wants her own adventure and accomplishments is anyone's guess... Regardless, Chirithy sus)
(vibrates) small ventus this got long my sincerest apolocheese
this goes hand in hand with my daybreak hcs so i think small ven has no concept of private gardens. Daybreak town had communal gardens/agriculture, and the LoD had their gardens and the market near town, and he barely went to the second one so if that boy sees a fruit tree. He's going to take one.
also my FAVOURITE HC thats now supported by khux is that ven Did not Learn how to Read Modern Script until about a year into staying with Eraqus. Ancient text he can read, but Xehanort didn't give him books, and hundreds of years have passed and language has evolved he has no idea what this sign says. Aqua gives him her YA fantasy novels like magic treehouse. vanitas can't read either
he was also just, Extremely nervous a lot... if we had anxiety medication in the age of fairytales he'd be on some. Not only as like, an insecurity thing (because this kid is the most insecure little man--) but also he startles easily and his brain often goes to the worst outcome. He's not necessarily a pessimist, he's very excited when things go right and when there's New Stuff to see!!!!! He often thinks the best of people he hasn't gotten to know!! but that also makes him think he's the one with issues, not someone that might be rude to him. the kid has inattentive adhd leave him be there are also no medications for that -- but he's doing better now that there are older kids who taught him coping methods that work.
He also Definitely played down how darn powerful he was because he didn't want to like, brag, or was afraid the other kids were obviously stronger than he was. The other dandies are STRONG, but Ven didn't have much going on socially, so training/missions was his go-to. khux ven wasn't allowed to be awake during th finale bc he would have gone ham
also wasn't allowed bc the Darkness he ate still had a sentience if not a heart and it hadn't gone thru time and gotten muddled yet so it would not have gone well
Ven Loves weather as a Thing that exists, he loves when it snows and rains and thunderstorms and he would and still does dash outside in that thunderstorm just to be in it. Ventus you will catch a cold. its worth it!!!
when he wakes up he sometimes has a hard time remembering when and where he is, or what he's doing. Sometimes his brain just says hey! We're back home ten years ago, go look for the master :] or hey we're supposed to be asleep go to sleep. it really messes with him he doesn't like it, he'd never experienced something like a sleep paralysis hallucination before and dislikes it Immensely
UM I THINK, I think actually that he and Kairi are buds and they totally see eye to eye! Both fulla light, kind of treated like glass by their best friends, both very interested in being part of something though while Ven is very into traveling and safeguarding the worlds Kairi is taking the Riku route and is into protection mostly for her close confidants. She doesn't care much about The Big Picture, she cares about her friends. They would hang out and like, shake hands and agree not to hold back on each other (well, mostly, Kairi is still learning and Ven is nearly at Mastery level) when sparring or just talking. I feel like if they had to be careful talking to other people, they wouldn't have to with each other. I just think they're fwends and they play extreme uno together... Ven has Huge protective instincts for Sora, like, fully big brother instincts him, but Kairi visited for a little bit a while ago and he kind of "watched over" her little sleeping heart during that time, knowing that Sora was keeping her safe just like he did for him. ventus loves sora to absolute death and sora doesnt even know the full extent of it
anyways yeah chirithy sus but i give it a kiss on the head just don't do anything drastic and i will still love u you sweet sweet kitty cat . how are u affecting your keybearer is he like, good, mentally, with you around,
i cannot Wait until this kid starts remembering things. I think Namine should help. I think that maybe he should realize half his memories are with Vanitas and hysterically try to find him to get them back
i also think ven has taller energy than the rest of the heart hotel. sora/vanitas/roxas/xion are 5'2" (CANONICALLY? YOURE SHORT?) (vanitas is 5'4" with the heels), ven is 5'5", Namine is 5'7". they r all still growing a little but their heights will remain in this order
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BESTIE HEAR ME OUT. inej soulmate au. thats it. LIKE the colour thing where everything is black and gray until you see your soulmate for the first time, having the same tatto, the first thing they are going to say to you written on your skin (my personal fav), ANYTHING. im a sucker for soulmate au i have so many ideas😫
Monsters- Inej Ghafa
Hi! I can absolutely write this one for you, as a matter of fact, I think it’s quite the adorable request and it just made my brain explode with ideas, so thank you! 
the gif in the fic has nothing to do with the fic, by the way, but I just love it, and I wanted to use it, so I did!
Also, I put a little bit of a spin on the quote: “When everyone knows you're a monster, you needn't waste time doing every monstrous thing.” from the first book, I believe? I can’t quite remember the page number but I’m fairly certain it’s in Six of Crows, if not it’s in Crooked Kingdom!
Fic type- fluff
warnings- mentions of blood, mentions of knives, mentions of guns and slight hinting toward a toxic relationship with your father
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It was rumored that everyone in the entire existence of the universe had a soulmate. That the saints at the beginning of the earth found one human too strong, too intimidating, too capable, and thus, split their heart in two, giving each soul a body with two arms, two legs, two eyes, ten fingers, ten toes and half of the soul that they used to have. 
Some called soulmates twin flames, some called them the Kerch, Ravkan or Fjerdan variations of the words, but Inej called them terrifying. The words etched like ink into her wrist, the first words her soulmate would ever say, were daunting ones. Scary ones, ones that made her wish she’d met her soulmate already, simply for the prospect of wrapping them up in a hug and just refusing to let them go. 
“They’re probably fine,” Jesper would assure when he’d catch Inej rubbing the skin on her wrist, tracing the words over and over almost methodically. “I mean, all things considered, they’re probably doing all right for themselves.” 
The words haunted her each and everyday; she’d go to sleep thinking of them, reading them over, wake up and instinctually repeat the process. She’d read them whenever her wrist was in her eyeline, praying to her saints that her soulmate was okay.
“If your soulmate is in any real danger, we’ve got Milo!” Jesper said. “I’m willing to share my emotional support animal.” She was the only one in their tight knit group who’d not found her soulmate yet. Jesper had Wylan, Nina had Matthias, and Kaz didn’t have a soulmark anywhere on his body, as far as anyone knew, at least. 
But one day, Kaz had walked in with someone new at his side. He took the time to introduce you by name as he got you set up alongside Jesper at one of the gambling tables, telling you to keep a watchful eye on the hyperactive crow whilst you played a couple rounds of Makkers Wheel, and you nodded, said you would.
But that was just the first interaction, and Inej hadn’t even introduced herself, didn’t feel like it, simply put, and there were many after. 
But the one that mattered most was when you were in the middle of a plan to rob a wealthy merchant of all that he had going for him, every bit of his money. This merchant happened to be your father, one who worked alongside Jan Van Eck, the very reason you knew Wylan and thus met Kaz and quickly eased into the trusted circle. 
“He’s not a monster,” he was. Inej knew it just as well as you did, knew that you were lying straight through your teeth. “He’s not a monster, Kaz. He’s not you.” There they were. The words inked onto Inejs wrist, the letters she’d traced over a million times before. 
“Monsters don’t always do monstrous things,” you realized it then, too, eyes flicking to your wrist in a quick, almost unnoticeable second. “Some of them look like princes or kings, but really, they’re law abiding criminals.” Ones that give their children gifts meant to belittle them, ones that shoot off backhanded compliments like bullets out of a gun, ones that do monstrous things that don’t seem so monstrous until they’re tallied up on a scoreboard. 
“So we take him down?” You asked. Kaz gave a simple, short nod.
“I’m assuming, since he’s your father and all, you’d like the final kill?” You nodded in turn, thinking it odd of Kaz’s courtesy. He liked getting his hands dirty, from what you knew, hence the nickname Dirtyhands, but you were grateful nonetheless. 
Inej grabbed at her belt. A moment later, she pulled a knife out, pressing it into your hand and offering a smile. “Sankta Lizabeta, for good luck.” You smiled, putting the knife into your coat pocket and bending slightly to give one last hug to Milo the goat--honorary member of The Dregs, per Jespers insistence-- before turning up, offering a smile to Jesper.
“Am I the only one who just witnessed that?” He questioned. Inej and you turned, at the same time, to Kaz, who had the ghost of a smile written on his normally intelligible face.
“You’ve got to go,” he dismissed. “Get the job done tonight, we’ll raid his house tomorrow, and take Inej with you. She makes for good protection.” He’d known the words on Inejs wrist just as well as she had, having watched her run her fingers over them many times over.
Hesitantly, you and Inej began moving slowly for the door, grimacing as you heard Jesper shout: “Speaking of protection, make sure to use it, you two!” followed immediately by the sounds of Nina and Wylan chastising him for the inappropriate comment.
The two of you made your way out of The Slat, slowly growing more comfortable with each other as the minutes drew past. “You’ve named all of your knives after saints,” you mumbled. “Sankta Lizabeta, Sankt Valdmir, Sankt Petyr, even Sankta Alina, and, from my recollection, she’s barely been considered a saint for two years.” Inej just nodded.
“I’m not a very religious person,” you warned. “I won’t go to church or worship anyone too strongly, but if you ask me to, I’ll do it.” 
“Do you name anything of yours?” she asked. “Your weapons?”
“I had a dagger I called Morozova,” you admitted. “I still have it somewhere, I’m sure, but that’s the only weapon I’ve ever named.”
“Ilya Morozova,” she murmured. “Wasn’t he a little insane?” You laughed, daring to reach over and intertwine your hands. Inej almost grew giddy, but contained it within herself by simply moving a fraction of an inch closer to you. 
“I mean, yeah, but don’t judge me! I was thirteen, the Fold was still around! I’d not even glimpsed his journals then!” In those moments, you felt safe and sure that Inej would always protect you, and you knew you always would her. 
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himbo-kuto · 4 years
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i saw this screencap from the manga and knew IMMEDIATELY that i would have to write a lil headcanon of aone and his turtle. he is literally the most precious person who deserves the whole entire world.
i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i did writing it!
genre: fluff, wholesomeness, a whole baked bean, college!au pairing: aone x gn!reader word count: 2k warning: language
okay so you ended up being roommates with aone, futakuchi, and mai when you ended up transferring colleges last minute and needed housing
you saw that they had an empty spot and with time not being on your side, you decided to take the opportunity!! apt 205 squad!!
at first you kind of felt left out since they all knew each other from date tech but you soon warmed up to futakuchi since you had a few classes with him and mai because well-- you guys shared a room
HOWEVER!! one person you couldn’t seem to get close to was a man by the name of takanobu aone-- lemme tell u sumn about this Baked Bean
whenever you tried to interact with him, all he would do is 👁 👄 👁  or just Grunt in response
you were a bit discouraged because you thought he didn’t like you so you shied away from talking to him again :(
but futakuchi was quick to ensure you that was just his way of communicating and that he was actually really engaged in the conversation 
“oh yeah, he’s a great listener-- i talk to him for hours and he just sits and listens”
“ok futakuchi-san, but have you considered that you talk Too much for your own good?”
he gave you the finger for that one
but omg the first time aone Spoke to you????? rocked ur mf world-- what the Heck!!
you were in the mood to bake some cookies and were looking for the big mixing bowls but you just remembered that futakuchi used it to try and make a baking soda volcano 
why??? who knows but all you do know is that he put it ALL the way on the top shelf-- and for what????
but u know-- bein dumb as dirt u tried to use a swivel chair to try and reach for them
and of course it was all the way in the back like wtf curse these tall men-- 
and so you got on your tippy toes and right as you were about to reach it, Of Course the chair decided to turn 
and u were 🤏🏼 this close to eating shit but thanks to the one-- the only-- tol angel baby aone, he stopped the chair dead in its tracks just in time for you to regain your balance
“are you okay?”
you were so shook (one from almost breaking your face and two-- AONE JUST SPOKE AND SAVED YOU!!!) 
at first you just stood there blinking down at him with the bowls in your arms like hinata season 4, episode 15 - 15:37
he held up his arms to you and you blushed so hard because was he really about to carry you down????
but before your mind had anytime to roam, he pointed to the bowls and you realized with your real eyes that you were not the one to whom he was referring to 
it wasn’t long until you got over your initial iron wall with aone (…. 😏)  and he actually ended up being someone you hung out with on a regular basis
mai was always out studying for her practicals in the library while futakuchi… well.. who even knows what the heck that man is up to..
but ANYWAYS!! you guys would hang out mostly in the living room to watch TV, do homework and eat meals-- he always helped you with your math homework and you helped him with his architecture models!! 
you didn’t really know what he liked to watch but he didn’t seem to oppose whatever you had on-- however, you Did notice that whenever you put on volleyball he stared very intensely at the TV only stopping when commercials came on
aone Always ate your home cooked meals without fail
literally such a sweet and appreciative boy as opposed to futakuchi who would complain but one time aone gave him That Look™️ and he shut right the fuck up
that day forward futakuchi ate all your meals like a good boy
aone has also become very protective of you-- in high school, he may have locked onto the aces of the other teams, but in college he locked onto his close friends to make sure they were safe
one time you guys got onto a cramped bus to go grocery shopping and all it took was this creepo man to just Look at you the wrong way for aone to stand right in front of you and shoot this man a death glare that said “if you even think about touching her i’ll put you into the ground” 
HE MAY HAVE A HEART OF GOLD BUT DONT MESS WITH THE PEOPLE HE CARES ABOUT OR ELSE IT’S HANDS 
but know this ladies, gents and my non-binary friends, we MOST DEFINITELY sit next to aone on the bus and engage in the best of conversations because tHATS WHAT THIS MAN DESERVES!!!!!!!!! 
not to mention all the times he has saved you due to your clumsiness and overall single brain cell fueled activities 
one fateful day you were sitting in the living room as you saw aone come home with a whole bag of groceries
he didn’t put them into the communal fridge so you were a bit confused as to why he took them straight into his room
you weren’t one to just bust in there to try and find out so later when you guys were eating dinner you asked him what he bought at the store
he listed off a bunch of produce and then said that they were for his turtle!!!!
you were all !!?!?!??? 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 TURTLE?????? WHERE??? HOW LONG HAVE THEY BEEN HERE??? CAN I SEE THEM?
he goes on to tell you that he’s had the turtle ever since they all moved in!! but it never came up in conversation so you never knew until now
him and futakuchi rescued the turtle but when they tried to let them go, they didn’t go anywhere so they kept them!! 
so after dinner you both quickly washed the dishes, and he brought you into their room to show you his turtle
you were honestly a bit nervous going into their room-- like what were you to expect??? was it going to be messy?? stinky?? clean??? were there any secrets????
but to your surprise it was fairly clean and simple-- even futakuchi’s side (which you assumed was aone’s doing)
you looked around his room to find all these old pictures of date tech on the wall, many of them with futakuchi and mai
there was even a photo of all the third years clinging to aone like koalas on a tree and though his expression was faint, you could tell that he was happy
it warmed your heart to see that he got along with his teammates and held these memories close to him-- they accepted him for who he was and that was more than enough for you
he also had plethora of architecture books on his shelves which made you wonder why he picked that major in the first place
but you shrugged it off as you looked over to his desk
there was a table next to it with an enclosure and a cute little turtle sunbathing underneath a lamp inside
you scurried over to the tank, getting down on your knees to get eye level with the animal while you slowly brought your face to the glass  
the turtle was half curled into its shell, looking up at you as he gave you a slow blink
you could’ve sworn you felt your heart explode and melt all at once in that Exact moment
you looked up at aone with 🥺 eyes before looking back to reptile to see them poking their head out to fully greet you 
you squealed internally as you wiggled your finger as your salutations
“do they have a name?” 🥺 
“ichigo-desu...” (strawberry)
you thought your heart exploded before?????????????
oh bitch you felt like you were about to go into full blown cARDIAC ARREST MY G O D!!!!!!
“did futakuchi name them?”
“no i did…”
you literally hunched over, and leaned onto the desk for support as your heart was filled with his soft boy energy because there was no wAY!!! DID AONE JUST NAME THIS TURTLE ICHHHIGOOOO BITCHHH AHHH
but lowkey aone was also being filled with your soft energy and got all blushy-- but thank god you were too occupied by his turtle to notice
“do you want to feed him a strawberry? it’s his dinner time too”
you could not have said yes faster to this man 
he went into his personal fridge and there you saw all the groceries he had earlier that day!! he pulled out a single strawberry before handing it over to you
he walked over to the tank and cautiously pulled out ichigo before placing them on the ground
HOWEVERRRRRR!! what came next you didn’t expect at all
he walked around so that he was behind you, gingerly reached for your hand and guided you to hold the strawberry out for ichigo 
ichigo craned their neck in the sight of the fruit and started chowing down
and by God you hoped that aone could not hear your loud ass heartbeat and see your red ass face-- (you were surprised that ichigo wasn’t going after you since your face might as well have been a strawberry)
you two sat in a comfortable silence as you watched the little reptile enjoy his dinner 
as ichigo drew closer to the leafy bit, you wanted to ask aone if he was allowed to eat that part 
so you turned your head to the side to speak but immediately closed your mouth as aone’s face was only centimeters away from yours 
you thought you were red back then???? bitch buckle up cause we’re reaching a new LEVEL of red
at that moment you were no think, no thought, head EMPTY as you just stared at his profile 
all of his features were strong... the bridge of his nose, his jawline, his expression-- he himself was a strong man and you just wondered how all this soft, fluffy, wholesomeness was packed into this 192cm man
and just as you relaxed into this position
FUTAKUCHI BUSTS THROUGH THE DOOR WITHOUT ANY KIND OF WARNING JUST TALKIN OUT OF HIS ASS 
at first he’s so absorbed into his own conversation that he doesn’t even notice you guys in that position
but when he does??? it’s like those moments in animes where you’re all chibitized and you just have circle eyes and a blank expression o_o
you IMMEDIATELY come to your senses, releasing the rest of the strawberry and aone’s hand
if you could peace fade in this moment, you would’ve definitely flashed futakuchi a duces
but alas, you could not..
so you scrambled to your feet-- but not before thanking aone for letting you meet his turtle-- and RAN out TF of that room heart a BEEATTINN
from that day on, you visited aone and his turtle a lot more-- even going so far as buying things for ichigo!!
“hey aone-san, did ichigo like the squash i cooked?”
“mm.”
“hey aone-san, does ichigo like the new hide?”
“mm.”
“look aone-san! he can’t grip onto the cherry tomato!! it keeps rolling around!”
“mm.”
many of your conversations went along like that and he always appreciated the amount of effort you put into them
he wasn’t a man of many words but did his best to make sure you knew that he was listening and engaged
at one point mai and futakuchi said that “he has spoken more words to you in these past few months than he has with us in 3 years”
you were surprised but also flattered by the fact that aone was comfortable enough to open up and have conversation with you 
although it was a bit of a rough patch in the beginning, you were glad that you became a part of the 205 squad! it was you, aone, futakuchi, mai and ichigo against the world!!
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dapandapod · 3 years
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Valdo the reluctant hero
So. Like the maniac I am I borrowed a prompt where our hero comes to the villain, hurt, drugged and lost, knocking on their door and passing out in their arms.  And this is what brain did. 
Please enjoy Valdo taking care of a hurt Jaskier (refered to as Julian because thats who they are to each other) and is very much a dramaqueen about it, and possibly a little secretly soft.
Prompt adopted from @endrega23 and it’s on Ao3 here!
Enjoy! <3
Someone knocks hard on his door.
It sounds more like desperate slapping, open palm against the wood. Valdo rolls his eyes, why the fuck would anybody come around at this hour?
He puts down his book and pulls his feet down from the stool he rested them on. Damn, this was supposed to be his night off.
More slapping on the door and an irritated sigh falls from his lips.
“Coming, I'm coming!” He shouts towards the door and slowly makes his way there.
He really doesn’t want to.
That kind of knocking doesn’t indicate a lady visit, or anything pleasurable at all.
Dragging his feet behind him he walks over the plush carpet. Ugh. So annoying. And it’s so late already. He just wants to sit alone, not talking to anybody, just he, himself and his hand.
He did not expect Julian Alfred Fucking Pankratz leaning against his doorframe.
Valdo feels his jaw drop somewhere around his knees, because what the actual fruit basket with onions inside is he doing here.
“What…?” is all that he manages to say before Julian looks up to him.
And Valdo actually takes a look at him.
Julians lip is bleeding, he is red and swollen just under his right eye and he is clutching a hand to his ribs. The eggshell colored tunic he is wearing is filthy, stained with mud and what looks like more blood. His eyes, normally so sharp and cutting, are dazed.
“Please.” Julian wheezes out. “I didn’t know where to go.”
There is a commotion somewhere in the city, shouting men and clamping feet.
Valdo doesn’t even think, he pulls Julian in by the elbow and closes the door. Locks it and pulls the curtains.
Then he whirls around and stares at the other bard.
“Why in Meliteles name are you here?!” He hisses at Julian, who only moved to lean against his wall. And no, that just won’t do. He is going to stain the wallpaper.
So Valdo grabs Julians elbow again, not braving to touch any other part of the filthy and possibly more hurt bard than necessary.
Valdo drags him deeper into his home, up the stairs to the second floor where he can put Julian in one of the guest rooms.
Yes, Valdo has guestrooms. He is a popular man, actually, thank you very much.
Only, halfway up the stairs, Julians knees buckle and Valdo have to put an arm under his shoulder so that he won’t fall all the way down again. Ugh, such a pain.
So he half drags, half shoves Julian up the stairs. His body is warm against his, too warm. Something is obviously not right here.
“What the hell did you do this time, Pankratz?”
And why did he come here? Out of all the places in Oxenfurt, why did he come here?
They are not friends? One might even go as far as to say they hate each other. A bit. Officially at least. Bitter rivals you know. It sells well.
“I’m not sure.” Julian mumbles against Valdos shoulder, head moving around with the motion, as if he can’t really control his muscles.
“Did they drug you?!” Valdo accuses, as if it was his fault. J
ulian just gives noncommittal hum, he has been spending far too much time with that witcher lately.
Valdo kicks open the door to the guest room and shoves Julian onto the bed.
In any other circumstance it would have been hot. Now Valdo is just royally pissed.
They better not find him here and drag Valdo into this mess, whatever it is.
As soon as Julian made contact with the mattress, he is out.
Valdo sighs and drags his fingers through his hair. This is not how he expected the night to go.
On the street outside, Valdo can hear the shouts and stomps of the men likely chasing Julian. They run right past his house, so either they don’t know that he lives her (insulting) or they know and deem it unlikely for Julian to seek shelter here.
Valdo gives the man on the bed another long, judging look and goes to fetch a basin of water.
Does he have any spare linen somewhere? Something to clean up that face with so that he doesn’t dirty the bed. Those bed covers were expensive.
When he returns Julian hasn't moved an inch. He lays on his back with one arm around his ribs, the other one flung to the side in a dramatic pose.
Valdo sits down next to him on the bed, awkwardly dabs his face with the rag he found.
There are no open wounds so it should be fine.
Softly he wash away the blood on Julians lip.
It is soft, red and swollen, a small line where the skin cracked.
Valdo doesn’t let himself look too closely, because he is a man of standards you know.
He has absolutely not spent any time what so ever thinking about that mouth or that sharp tongue with it.
Then he dabs at the cheek. It’s already darkening, angry red shifting into a darker purple just over his cheekbone. It looks painful, so he rinses the rag and tries to be as careful as possible.
Wait.
Why does it matter if he is careful or not? He doesn’t care!
So on the other (unhurt) cheek he simply rubs the rag around.
There. Perfect. Bed cover is safe. Somewhat.
But that tunic looks rather horrible.
No, this cannot stand. Putting water and rag aside, he shifts so that he can move Julians body around.
Gently he grips Julians hand that was against his ribs, and moves it so that he can unlace the tunic.
Wait.
No, Valdo doesn’t need to be gentle. It’s fine. This is not a friend. (But his hand was very warm and very soft. (Brain! Be quiet!!))
Unlacing tunics always was his favorite part when undressing a partner. There is something sensual in bit by bit revealing the skin hidden underneath. Half of Julian's hairy chest is revealed when Valdo catches himself smiling.
Ah. Fuck. Oh well.
If he is doing this, why not as well enjoy the show.
Julian, unlike many other bards at the university, hasn’t let himself go (yet) and his waist is slim and alluring. They both know he looks good, so what if he gets an eyeful as he does a good deed?
He coaxes Julians arms out of the tunic and tries to pull it from under his back when Julian makes a pained sound.
Oh, right. Maybe he hurt his ribs?
Valdo has no idea what to do with any other injury than a split lip or a scraped knee, but he should be able to tell if he needs to call a healer. So Valdo drags a fingertip over Jaskiers side, trying to get a sense of the ribs, if anything feels out of place.
It doesn’t, so that’s something, probably?
Next is the boots. The boots can under no circumstance get on that bed.
It is when Valdo is kneeling and is trying to pull of the second boot that Julian returns to the land of the living.
He grunts, puts an elbow under himself and looks around.
“Geralt?” he asks, voice hoarse.
“Just me, little lark.” Valdo says mockingly and pulls off the other boot. He tosses it towards the other one with a satisfying thunk.
“Marx.” Julian says, and from the look upon his face Valdo would bet his hat that memories are flooding back. “Oh.”
“In the flesh.” Valdo stands up and makes a small bow. “Welcome to my humble home. Now, take those horrid trousers off, if you please. I don’t want to dirty the bed any further.”
At any other time, Julian would have made a dirty joke about it.
Something is absolutely wrong, because without further ado he wiggles out of his trousers. Valdo turns his back on him to give some privacy.
There is only so much one man should share with another when they are mortal enemies and all that.
“Would you mind telling me what made you seek out my fine company this evening?” Valdo asks the wall, listening to the rustling of fabric and movement.
“Someone broke into my room in the university.” Julian replies, his words still a little slurred. “I think they drugged my wine. And when they came in they….”
There is a silence, and Valdo risks a look over his shoulder.
Julian is sitting against the wall and has pulled up the blanket around his hips. He stares at his hands, gripping at the soft fabric, his brows furrowed.
Valdo turns around fully and sits at the end of the bed, putting a hand on Julians ankle in support.
“It’s a little fuzzy. But I remember being shoved out, punched to the ground. And then I ran, and they laughed.”
Julian looks up at him then, with his startlingly blue eyes.
“Thank you for opening the door.” Julian looks so sincere when he says it that Valdo thinks back on his reluctance with a hint of shame.
“Of course.” He says anyway.
“You were the only one who did.”
Oh. Oh shit.
“Don’t worry about it.” Valdo waves it away, but it sits heavy in his gut.
Either Valdo was the only one with a night off and bad enough sense to open the door at this hour, or the others saw him coming and decided not to open anyway.
“I’ll go fetch you something to drink. You can spend the night here, but I don’t want any trouble.”
Julian gives him a weak smile, and Valdo is struck with the urge to grab a pen and write.
“I’ll be gone as soon as I’m able.”
It turns out ‘as soon as I’m able’ is two days later.
A fever sets in when morning comes, and Valdo does his best, muttering all the while what a good person he is and what a bad person Julian is for putting him through this, and by the next midnight it has passed. Luckily.
He lends Julian one of his older tunics and pretends it doesn’t do things to him. They spend hours bickering back and forth, but Julian keeps smiling at him. It’s unnerving.
When the third morning comes, Julian is well enough to limp home. Valdo follows him there, he insists there is no point in his generosity if Julian gets attacked immediately again. Another terrible smile later, another scribbled page with secret words, and they are off.
All is fine and things return to normal. They meet in the halls of nobility, they throw sharp words at each other. But every now and then, Julian sends a smile, and the ground Valdo have been standing so firmly on is slowly crumbling.
Valdo is never saving Julian ever again.
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old-daemon-farts · 3 years
Text
Daemonism Survey
I wanted to see if I could summarize my experience. I know I have long winded thoughts on many of these subjects. Figured others may enjoy reading my answers. Survey found at the bottom.
What is a dæmon to you? The subconscious speaking through inner monologues.
What makes a dæmon, a dæmon? A daemon provides a positive change in their person while also intrinsically being a part of who they are and their identity. You cannot have one without the other. I feel this being needs to be tied to the subconscious (or soul) and will use our inner monologue to communicate.
I am of the belief many different beings can play the role of a daemon. Tulpa, alters, other headmates, and spirits can match these qualifications. "Daemon" has always felt more like a job title or other very personal labels like pronouns or familial titles like "daughter" or "father". I think daemons can stem from too many things and how they connect within the mind to say for sure what is and is not a daemon.
What does dæmonism mean to you? Daemonism is cultivating our inner-self to be a companion who supports us, and in doing so we are learning how to support ourselves.
What is the purpose of dæmonism? To provide a healthy mindset. Can be focused on mental health or cognitive thinking. A healthy mindset for one may be self-improvement; for another it may be companionship and self-compassion; or perhaps they just need someone to help recall information. What daemonism is varies from person to person but to me the base line is you get into daemonism seeking something you feel is going to improve something about your life.
What is/are your dæmon(s) like? What is your dæmon's personality like? What are their likes and dislikes? This is the space for anything you want to share about how your dæmon behaves, thinks and feels! Thats a lot to put. So I will place what may make them different from other daemons. They are very self-focused on me. No matter their personality its always focused around what is best for me. What needs to be done for me. Their world revolves around me and they do not question nor hate it.
How did you meet your dæmon(s)? Inspired by His Dark Materials. Finished the 3rd book, tried to see my daemon, he laughed and the rest is history. I thought we were the only human/daemon pair at the time.
What is/are your dæmon(s)? Dæmons can be many things; a gateway to the subconscious, a personification of your conscience, the other half of your internal dialogue, a spiritual entity, or many other things besides. What is the nature of your dæmon? They are me. They are how I connect to my inner self/subconscious. At the moment they are a gateway rather than the full personification of my subconscious. Please see the answer for "how they are connected to me" for more examples.
What is/are your dæmon's gender(s), and how do they relate to and differ from your own? Mostly female. I use to think my daemons gender was my opposite, then I though I was the outcome of their genders, then I thought their gender supported my own. Now I think it just is another outcome of what my brain needed to be happy and healthy, and while my daemons genders never change future daemons may be influenced by the same factors.
How autonomous is/are your dæmon(s)? How independent and free-thinking is your dæmon; how much do they rely on you in order to exist and function? Autonomy is an illusion. Myself and my daemons will always be influenced by my subconscious and factors surrounding us. Their identities rely on my focus but who they are at the core and how they function is thoughtless. I can personify my heart and it can grow independent but as soon as I stop talking to my heart it doesn't stop beating. It just returns to what it was prior and continues its constant task of keeping the body going without needing any thought on the matter.
How is/are your dæmon(s) connected to you? Subconscious, inner monologues, and even intrusive thoughts. Anima/animus. ID/Ego/Super Ego/ Shadow, split-brain ... Basically if there is a term for connecting with any inner part of yourself or piece of our mind my daemons encompass or build upon that.
How do your dæmon(s) differ from you? They are very goal oriented and driven involving my life and health.
What are the similarities between you and your dæmon(s)? They reflect key parts of myself (good, bad, and desired). We all like and dislike similar things, look for similar things in life and friendship, share taste in fashion, food, and entertainment. Only time things vary are when my daemons reflect an extreme. Like Tess who loves physical activity. I'm not a fan of exercise or sports but I wish I was and so does my body and mind. So her favorite activities are not mine by choice but I know on a subconscious level I need to enjoy these more. There is always a connection so there will always be similarities.
How have your dæmon(s) changed since you first met them? They have changed as much as myself, as they grow the very same as I do effected by my surroundings and experiences. Cayde started just as childlike as myself and grew into an adult. My more recent daemons started based around emotions or specific traits and then grew to be far more complex. This is the nature of living, remaining static is nearly impossible.
Can your dæmon(s) front? Fronting: taking primary control of the physical body. I believe with practice they can but since they have very strong opinions about fronting will refrain from doing so. We have co-fronted to allow my daemon to speak louder and to use "mind-over-matter" to stop pain. But during co-fronting there is no physical control. It is only causing a shift in where my daemon lies on my consciousness.
What are your dæmon form(s)? They have many. Both animal and human.
What do your dæmon form(s) mean to you? Some represent who I am on a subconscious level, a deeply analyzed level, and a more surface level.
How did you find your dæmon form(s)? Some through created systems, others through daemon's choice, and one picked completely out of my or my daemon's control.
What do your dæmon form(s) say about your personality, if anything? One describes my behavior and how I interact with others. The other portrays how I am seen and my narrative in life.
How does your dæmon feel about their form(s)? They love all of them and the more meaning behind a form the prouder they are taking it.
What does it mean for a dæmon's form to be settled? Represents who I (or they) are for a set moment in time. Finding and being content with who we are and our identity.
What kind of forms has your dæmon taken in the past? A variety, mostly animals.
How did your dæmon(s) get their name(s)? Chosen together or they picked one they liked.
What do your dæmon(s) names mean to you? Not much. One of my daemons shares my name which is pretty cool but there is little meaning behind everyone's name.
Has your dæmon's name ever changed? If so, feel free to elaborate! Yes! My first daemon has gone through 3 name changed. First one didn't fit right, second lasted years but he got tired of seeing other people with it, so now he's on his third.
How did you first learn about dæmonism? I learned about daemons through His Dark Materials and daemonism through The Daemon Page.
What motivated you to try dæmonism? Loved the companionship daemons gave in the books
Has your experience of dæmonism changed since you first discovered it? If so, how? I take it far more seriously now as a tool for mental health and self-awareness. I just wanted a unique friend that was a talking animal in the beginning.  
How do your dæmon(s) affect and influence your everyday life? Hm, its so hard to say after living over half my life with one. But I'd say they influence my day just by helping me process everything?
How has dæmonism helped you? My daemons have taught me self-love, self-worth, pride, and acceptance.
What does the dæmian community mean to you? They are my home. Sometimes you leave home, and sometimes family upsets you, but you still feel drawn back no matter where you wander. The community is a family I have chosen and I will always feel a part of.
The survey this came from can be found here “ Daemon Survey “. If you are interested in sharing your thoughts please consider completing it, I know the creator would greatly appreciate it.
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meetthemoosemonster · 3 years
Link
Summary:
AU where Ranboo goes to Sam and asks him to Lock him up in the prison to stop himself from doing what ever hes doing when hes sleep walking. AKA Ranboo tries to make a self destructive decision, and Sam is a Responsible Adult, and offers him support. Also, Sam has four arms because I think thats perfect for his character, fight me.
Note: If any of the creators mentioned in this state that they are uncomfortable with this fic, or the topics in this fic being written about them, I will take it down as soon as I know. Also, this is based off the characters, and not the actual content creators.
CW: Panic attacks Mild injury Mentions of prison Manipulation(but just c!Dream being himself) If I missed one please tell me so I can fix it!
Enjoy the fic!
Fic under cut for anyone who doesn't want to leave tumblr.
And remember, reblogs fuel the writing braincell!
The ding of someone joining a voice call echoed in Ranboos ears
"s- Sam?" The enderboys hand shook over the button that summoned the Warden to the entrance of Pandora's Vault. He was hyper aware of the buzzing purple particles that surrounded his lanky form, and the uncontrollable vwoops and crackles that came from his mouth.
"Ranboo? I told you you weren't allowed to visit the prison anymore. You need to leave. Now." Sam's voice was hard, the voice of a Warden. Ranboo felt a year streak down his face as he choked back a sob. For once his mind was silent.
"I-" Ranboo took a shaky breath. "I don't want to visit, Sam."
"Then why are you here?" Concern glinted through Sam's warden persona, his voice softening ever so slightly. "I know you said you couldn't tell me what's up with you, but I can help Ranboo. It's ok if you need help." Another vwoop mixed with a sob escaped Ranboos throat, and he sunk to the ground in front of the nether portal. 
"I- I-" Ranboo couldn't continue, and just squeezed his eyes shut, hoping to stop the tears that boiled his skin as they ran down his face.
"Ok, I'm coming out ok? I'll be there in a second." The boy curled up on the blackstone floor didn't say anything Sam could decipher, but the four armed man vaguely recognized that Ranboo had mumbled something in void. The sound of the nether portal geared up, and Sam walked out of the purple swirls to see the enderman hybrid curled up on the floor vibrating, his jaw slightly unhinged.
"Ranboo? Ranboo, what happened? Why are you here?" The Warden voice was gone now, and Sam could only stare down at the black and white form of a shaking child, concern furrowing his brow. 
Ranboo looked up, a scared, no, terrified look etched in his face. Ranboo tried to wipe his tears away, flinching at the pain. 
"I-" Ranboo could barely stay sitting up with how hard his body was violently shaking. "I ne- eed to y- you to l- lo- lock me up- p, p- please." More tears spilled out of his eyes, and Sam immediately dropped to the ground at those shaky words. Sam carefully put 2 of his arms behind the shaking figure next to him, trying to offer support. Ranboo flinched at first, not comprehending what Sam was doing. But then he fell back into the arms, letting them hold him up.
"Why would I lock you up? What ever happened with the books you signed doesn't warrant being put in the prison?" Ranboo tensed at the words, but Sam couldn't tell if it was the mention of the books, or the prison that caused Ranboos reaction. "Ranboo, seriously, what's wrong? I promise I won't be upset if something happened." Ranboo just shook his head repeatedly, and pulled his knees closer to his chest. 
"You k- know how I have a r- really bad me- memo- memory?" Sam slowly nodded, and Ranboo continued. "Well, I've been hav- having these l- long periods of t- time that I don't remember anything, and and and," Ranboo paused, and took a deep breath. "And my tools have been used, and things are missing, and I don't have anything wr- written down in my memory book." Ranboo looked cautiously at Sam, how nodded gently as if to say 'go on'. Ranboo swallowed. 
"A-and I'm, I- I think I've been helping D- Dr- Dream when I'm like that…'' More choked sobs mixed with enderman sounds echoed on the walls, and the vibrating particles buzzed like angry bees in Sam's ears. He could hear his heart beating louder in his chest at Ranboos fearful confession. But Sam pushed down the shock, and tried to comfortingly shush the boy. 
"Shhh, Shhhh, it's gonna be ok Ranboo. You obviously didn't want to h-"
"I blew up the community house Sam." Ranboos' voice sounded resigned now, his body and brain exhausted from the panic that still coursed through the kid's body. Sam didn't know what to say, he looked stunned. Sam had been on the server for a long time, longer than most of the people who now inhabited this world. He had memories of the community house, before all the wars, all the chaos and pain and violence that plagued the Dream SMP. When he'd seen it had been blown up, he had to mourn for a bit, mourn the symbol of a more peaceful past.
"And Dream gave me one of Tommy's disks. At- At least that's what Dream told me. Or his voice. I- I don't know what's real anymore anyway." Ranboo said the last sentence in Void, too tired to even notice that he was slipping into his native tongue. Sam retracted his arms, still shocked. Ranboo noticed the loss of support and just laid his head on his knees and closed his eyes, not really caring what happened next.
"Ranboo…" Sam trailed off and they just sat in a tense silence. After a couple seconds Sam shook his head to clear it. "Ranboo, what do you mean Dream's voice?"
"I hear his voice in my head s-sometimes. He usually tells me what I did, where I hid evidence, what I'm doing wr- wrong." Ranboos body was still tense, but he was eerily still and quiet in contrast to how he was a few minutes ago. Then Sam felt Ranboos red and green gaze meet his, urgency in his eyes." Sam, you need to lock me up, I can't be allowed to do anymore harm. I'm too dangerous. Please Sam, please, you have to, it's the only way. I can't stop it on my own, I don't know how." Ranboo was crying again, his face tightening in pain. "...please…" Ranboos' voice cracked, and he hung his head again, not even reacting when Sam carefully wrapped all 4 of his arms protectively around the half enderman.
"I'm not gonna put you in the prison, Ranboo. You're a kid." Sam's voice was tight with anger at Dream, at the server that had told these children that it was somehow their fault, and that their slip ups were worse than all the adults' slip ups.
"But I can't be trusted, I'm going to hurt someone, I can't hurt anyone." Ranboo leaned against Sam anyway, yearning for comfort, even if he thought it was gonna the last time he'd get it.
"There are other ways to make sure you don't do something bad when you black out. We'll figure it out, but I'm not letting you in that prison. You're just a kid." Sam reached around Ranboo and got out his comms. "Is there anyone I can ask to watch you to make sure you don't run off until we figure out a better system? If not I can stay with you for a bit." He looked down at Ranboos split colored hair, the boy curled up in his embrace.
"I don't know, I- I don't want to bother anyone." 
"Ok. But you're not bothering anyone, you're asking for help. How about this, you're staying with Techno and Phil in the snow biome right now, right?" Ranboo nodded hesitantly. "I'm going to message them telling them that you're with me, and you might need someone to watch over you for a couple days. We'll figure it out from there, ok?" Ranboo stirred slightly. a soft him of agreement came from the boy, and Sam smiled slightly as he typed out the message to Technoblade and Philza. "You're going to be ok, I'm gonna to help you. You're safe now." Slowly Ranboo dozed off in Sam's arms. After a bit Techno showed up at the prison, looking concerned, even though he still stood with the confidence of a man who could blow up nations without a second thought. The Blades face softened when he saw Ranboo sleeping peacefully in Sam's arms. Sam looked up and smiled.
"Good, you're here, my arms were going numb." Sam joked quietly, then he carefully stood up softly shook the enderboys shoulder to wake him up. Ranboo blinked as he tried to wake up, but he was still exhausted and sleepy. 
"Sam? What's happening?" Sam smiled.
"Technos here to take you home, is that ok? Ranboo nodded, and stumbled over to Techno, and leaned his tall frame against the pigmans slightly shorter one. 
"Keep an eye on him, ok? Things just got more complicated, and he doesn't deserve to be put through anymore then he already has." Sam looked worriedly at Ranboo, who was already falling asleep on Technos shoulder.
"Uhh, ok?" Techno looked confused, but carefully lead Ranboo away from the prison to the nether portal that's would take them home. Sam watched them go, then turned around and re-entered the prison, his face hardening as he made his way to the center of the prison. He needed to have another chat with Dream.
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troop52 · 3 years
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do u !!! have any character theme songs for the troop boys? Like any songs you think really fits them (and why u think it fits)?
THATS A GREAT QUESTION!!
Before I get into it Im going to plug this collaborative Troop Playlist on Spotify, feel free to add onto it!! Continuing with my picks
I think a lot of the songs I associate with The Troop in general are just because I happened to listen to them around the same time I got into the book in the first place (So they could only be tangentially related BUT only if you squint hard) Example: Drunk by The Living Tombstone, cant really tie it into the story but in my mind its linked Some better, more fitting songs under the cut (Side note its LONGGG IM SORRY... Also its all YouTube links because some of these arent on Spotify :'^()
Disclaimer -Like 95% of my choices arent really a "These lyrics match up exactly 1 to 1" but more of an overall "the vibe/general idea its trying to capture lines up" type thing. If that makes sense.
Its Alright by Jack Stauber: Kind of self explanatory, I think its a perfect song for these guys. From "It's alright, I'm here, Everything's alright, Feels weird but calm, I wanna hear It's alright" to the whole sound of it- its all great. Equal parts distressing and sad with an almost eerie calmness to it. Despite it all theyre gonna be alright, right?
The Second Little Piggy by Worthikids: Another one that I think is sort of self explanatory- at least with the chorus. "If my brain turns to mush, If the shit hits the fan, Will you be my friend?" Kind of the falling apart of everything, specifically their relationships, in light of the incident.
Poor George by James Supercave: Another case of "listened to at the same time I read the book" BUT I was actually making a Troop PMV script with that song. I never finished it but maybe Ill revisit it... just for you
Cold Summer by Le Matos ft Computer Magic: I dont even think this takes place in the summer but the VIBES and also it came from Summer of 84, which is another good piece of murder boy media.
Treehouse by Alex G ft Emily Yacina: This is a Eef and Max type of song because they are bffs and thats final. Basic song because Im not creative, but I think its a nice heart to heart theyd have (with Eef doing the talking)
Fifteen Minuets by Nick Krol: On the flipside heres a song that goes with Eef and Maxs friendship fracturing, once again more from Eefs side than Maxs. THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGGG
As far as songs for the boys as individuals hmmm thats a good one that I havent thought about as much...
MAX + The Ghosts by The Real Tuesday Weld: That survivors guilt... lyrics arent like a perfect match but I think it gets that sort of hollow feeling across. Hes haunted man... + Final Girl by Electric Youth: Ok its a little funny because har har Final Girl Trope but I mean HE IS ONE. ANd dont look at me its a nice song- "Others were gone, and you kept going on, You know they never really noticed, you were always different, One by one, They're all done, And you're the last one standing" + Going Grazy by Lonesome Wyatt and the Holy Spooks: HONESTLY this could go for all the characters but Im tagging it onto Max because hes the one who has to deal with the aftermath of losing everyone (sorry survivors guilt Max again </3) "Everyone's saying my mind is unsound, 'Cause I always see you when you aren't around" "They're gonna wrap me in a jacket of white, And lock me away in a room without light" is what cements it as a Max song for me
EEF + The Existential Threat by Sparks: Once again starting sad, I link this one specifically to his paranoia about the worms- especially with lines like "Can't they see the existential threat is on its way". Kind of exasperated no one else can see the danger (he thinks) hes in. + Wrecking Ball by Mother Mother: I know I know its basic but I cant help it!!! Eef anger issues arc we are shaking hands me too + Haunted by Laura Les: Eef struggles with people seeing him as "just like his father" and I think we can get some good angst out of this track if we keep that in mind. Especially the back half of the song with lyrics like "Do you think I'm frightening?" and "Mirrors shatter when I'm passing, broken glass and crashing" since he is just a reflection of his dad (to others at least). Also song good.
KENT + Goodbye Mr A by The Hoosiers: Mfw the disillusionment with authority sets in. I think the vibe fits when he had that little epiphany about how adults are fucked- not perfect but it gets the idea across me thinks. + I'm Gonna Win by Rob Cantor: Ties into his need to "win" aka be the best at everything, be in charge, all that jazz! Hell do whatever it takes to be successful, even if it hurts. That was a little emo + Toba the Tura by Forgive Durden ft Chris Conley: Not to be emo again but "They say you're gifted, well I just see a scared kid. They must have flipped it, your skills are latent. O, you snuffed the glow. Replaced it with coals. Threw away the throne... This mess that you've made, it's a six-foot grave. It's a home for your lonesome bones that remain. We'll disappear, but you'll stay here to rot" AND SO ON AND SO FOURTH representing his fall after it was revealed he was sick. He was referred to as "the uncrowned king" and was on top of the world but then POOF that all crumbled and it was made out that he basically deserved what happened to him. It would be fun to make a pmv of him with this song (Simplifying my thoughts a bit because Ive already written a LOT)
NEWT + I Earn My Life by Lemon Demon: Ok a little Kentcore but Im actually having a hard time coming up with songs for Newton so here we are, they can share. Newt existential crisis moment time I guess + Know How by The Crane Wives: POV Newt struggles with going through with the plans he makes to keep everyone safe (stopping Max from touching Kent, going back into the cabin, etc) "I am not brave, I am not brave, I keep my focus on what is safe, You drew a line, made up your mind, And now I'm struggling to realize" And also maybe struggling with his place in the group and as a person in general- all that living through his cousin thing. "I gotta wrap my head around, What my heart is telling me, I've been trying to drown it out, Just because I know what I am, I am supposed to do now, Doesn't mean I know, Doesn't mean I know how" + On The Outside by Oingo Boingo: Idk man. Hes on the outside lookin in!! Loner nerd!! Its ok though, we still love him
SHEL + Bad Blood by Creature Feature: The lyrics speak for themselves: "I can guarantee I will do evil things, The only way that you can stop me now, Is if you put me in the ground, Somewhere I'll never be found" + Frontier Psychologist by The Avalanches: Hinges on the fact that the principal or whoever was like "Your sons a freak" and Shels mom was like "HES PERFECTLY FINE" while Shelley was like dismembering an animal or something + Johnny by American Murder Song: The songs good but theres this ONE LYRIC that sucks so the link provided is an edited version and also a lovely Warriors oc video I think you should all enjoy and support <3 Anyway Shel would be Johnny I could see this song being a scene in the book. Field trip to Shels house and they find his murder garden
If anyone wants more for Im not opposed to making another post :^)
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twtangel-arts · 3 years
Text
POG HEADCANNON FOR TUBBOS PERSONALITY???!!!
How come I don’t see that Much talk about Tubbos personality? Like.... they all must know each other right?! SO MUCH POTENTIAL!!! 
Before I go and talk about the headcanons. I would like to thank my good friend @peak-wilbur-dumbass for helping me create most of these “big brain” headcannon! Half are what we created, I created, and what she created :3
But I be talking about:
Big Law
Big Crime
Dr.TB (Dr. Theropiest-bo)
Tubbox
and TOOB
the others were either hard to come up with or little was know of them (or we got lazy shsgsghssh)
Now on to the headcannon! It’s going to be a long one boys :3 so click “read more” to read it!!
Enjoy :)
We All know Tubbos personality right?
Well if you don’t
have the links to the Dream SMP wiki fandom about Tubbo!! :3
The reason why me and friend couldn’t create other headcannon for the Tubbos personality its because they had too little detail about them.
Hohoohoh! But is it the same with Tubbox? He has small details about him to!
Just wait :)
Now that you got some knowledge of the personality I will now start the Headcannon
NUMBER 1: BIG LAW
He’s the first Tubbo Ego. So he’s technically the oldest of all the Tubbos Personality
He monotone, and he really doesn’t show that much emotion. He’s all serious and shit
Speaking of that, he only shows a bit of emotion towards some he loves (like his personality brothers)
Now he LOVES to read the law. he has books on laws, on the judgment system. Government, crime solving, being a lawyer and other lawyery book stuff.
That fucker probably has a secret stash of Domino’s cookies and won’t share them 🙄🙄
He’s also the ‘heaviest’ out of the Tubbo because he eats those cookies DGZGSGSHX
Rights?! who needs them? YOU DONT ALLOW SHIT BITCH!
THE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE PERSONALITY?!??!?!11
TOOB: he doesn’t like him that much. Even tho TOOB doesn’t bother him that much, He still claims TOOB annoys him way to much. But he still likes his dumb bro (3/10)
DR.TB: mmm it’s a neutral, they can vibe. Tho Big Law doesn’t like when hes steals is cookies to make some ‘flavors’ (5/10)
Big Crime: (-10/10) do I need to say more? Big Crime DOSE CRIME!! Big law DOES LAW!!! Smh🙄🙄 But for real tho, they care for each other, love-hate brother hood lmao (4/10)
Tubbox: Big law LOVES him! Why? HES IN A BOX BEING HAPPY OK?! HE BOUNCES UP AND DOWN IN A BOX!!!! Tho... he can get to hyper for big law....a box huh? He likes to see him again (8/10)
NUMBER 2: BIG CRIME
The second oldest of the personality :3
*pats his head* this boi can fit so much emotion
HES A CRIME B O Y!!! A DIRTY LITTLE CRIME B O Y
He’s quite strong,,,, a bit stronger then Tubbo too! The strongest out of all the personality
He’s a hothead and short tempered like....don’t pisss him off.... please don’t-
He can get overprotective with his brothers. He will kill a bitch for them... and that bitch is Techno
so yeah... he like...vary emotional :3
THE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE PERSONALITY 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO
TOOB: he’s annoying as hell, He hates him, he want to snap his neck, DUDE STFU AND GET AWAY FROM ME.. but he will still die for him uwu (4/10)
Dr. TB: he’s a good theropiest! Normally Big crime would go to him >or been forced by him shshsh< When he need something to calm his nerves or just wants to talk....tho their relationship has grown a bit distant after the incident that happened months ago (7/10)
Big Crime: (-10/10) AGAIN!!! HE DOES CRIME, THE OTHER DOSE THE LAW!!. But to be honest with y’all, Big Crime makes fun of Big law when ever he shows emotion. Ex:
“I thought you were all serious and shit?”
“I am tho?”
“Nah, I just saw you crying back there because you dropped your cookie on the floor”
“SHUT UP!!! IT WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT I HAVE LEFT-“
Anyway yeah, love-hate relationship 🥰🥰 (4/10)
4. Tubbox: he will protect him in all costs, he makes him smile The most. You could say Tubbox is his favorite personality brother.... now he’s just angry. He wants to see him one more time. (10/10)
NUMBER 3: DR. THEROPIEST-BO (DR. TB)
He’s the best theropiest out there :D
I feel like he know what he’s doing, even tho it may not look like it.
He the family therapist....lul
He like...still in the world of headcannon
He knows what he’s doing guys, believe me
RELATIONSHIP TIME BITCH!!!
TOOB: he doesn’t like him that much, one time TOOB decided to mess around with his ‘Flavors’.... yeahhh he wasn’t to happy about that (4/10)
Big Law: they have a neutral type of relationship, they barely get in to any fights. He’s actually the only person that Dr.TB can fully understand/work with! (7/10)
Big Crime: now.... he used to be the person that Big crime will go to when he starts to act up.... but, they barely talk anymore dude. After what happened to Tobbox? Yeah, let’s just say Dr.TB was at the verge to end his whole Theropey job because of Big Crime :/ (4/10)
Tubbox: he loves him, he misses him, he hates Techno. He tried to be there for everyone when they lost him.... He wants to see Tubbox. His life was cut to short. Anyways... he was a bit difficult to work with for theropey (9/10)
NUMBER 4: Tubbox
So.... do you understand why I put him here despite him having little information known about him?
THATS RIGHT!!
ITS LINKED TO THE INCIDENT THAT HAPPENED TO TUBBO BY TECHNOBLADE >:D
but how? Well, he realized that Tubbo was in a box. He thought
“Tubbo in box? I’m Tubbox! I liked Boxes :D time to take over and be in a box- o h”
-
Yeahhh....not the box you want to be in pal... with that, Tubbox died with Tuboo. Obviously, Tubbo responded back to life.... but Tubbox didn’t....he’s dead.....
A N Y W A Y S
He’s a mute!!! He can only speak in Sign language:D!!
So with that... every single Tubbos personality knows how to do sign language and read sign language!
They like to speak sign language for he can feel a bit included :3
He likes it when he makes his personality brothers smile, it’s just give him a lot of joy
Stimming? A stimming boy? He likes to flap his hands up and down🥺
HES JUST FILLED WITH JOY MAN!!
What were the relationship that he had with the others?
TOOB: He love his! He doesn’t understand why people think he’s annoying?! Like... he thinks it’s funny how he speaks in 3rd and 1st person!! Tho.... I think there’s this one time where he invaded his personal space while in the box.(9/10)
DR.TB: AGAIN!!! HE LOVES HIM!!! He loves it when he sees him at work! He keeps him Company!! (10/10)
Big Law: LOVES HIM!! HES THE ONLY PERSON THAT MAKES BIG LAW SHOW A BIT MORE EMOTION!!! And big law might say it’s annoying and he hates it... but Tubbox knows he secretly love it uwu (10/10)
BIG Crime: do I need to say more? Tubbox LOVES big Crime! he wants to see him smile more!! He wants him to be happy! So... he hangs out with Big Crime more then the other personality. (20/10)
(The last one) Number 5: TOOB
Yes
TOOB good guy
TOOB little annoying? No BIG annoying!
He likes to mess around with his brothers lol
He understand that he’s annoying once awhile, but that just because he finds it funny
I LIKE THE LORD-
Did I forget to mention that TOOB has the little brother vibes? Like... he’s the annoying little brother that he’s hated but at the same time he’s also loved (considering he is the youngest out of all the personalities dddjtdjtdjt)
So yeah... Stan TOOB lmao
THE RELATIONSHIP TIME IS HERE FOR ONE LAST TIME!!
Dr. TB: he likes him, he enjoys messing around with his flavors, heehhehehe Angry doctor go brrrr (7/10)
Big Law: he doesn’t bother him that much, he’s all serious and shit, no big reaction. TOOB sad, but he can still annoy him while he being a lawyer >:3 (5/10)
Big Crime: HOHOHO HE LOVES TO ANNOY HIM!! HE HAS THE BEST REACTION TOWARDS HIM!! One time he mad Big crime squeal at a high pitch then normal....let’s just say things got UGLY!!! (20/10)
Tubbox: he misses him, he’s kinda the only personality that gives him the respect he wants.... he wants his box bro back :( TOOB sad now.... (10/10)
——————————————
THAT WAS A LONG ONE HUH CHAT?!
Once again i would like to thank my good friend Ally ( @peak-wilbur-dumbass ) for helping me create half of these Headcannons for the Tubbos personality! Give her some support lul :3
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iconsumeheadcanons · 4 years
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persona characters autism headcanons!
hi im autistic and i started my day with sun so now im !!!!!!!!! some of these headcanons are from elsewhere on tumbr, but i dont know where :(((  so i am hoping someone out there knows that n that everybody knows that i love them <3
(also go check out mollypaup and i think hypeswap if you havent already! they post some good stuff autism+adhd hc too!!! i think.. oh! and thieves-in-the-palace!!!)
P5
Joker
there was some artwork from someone on tublr..where they pointed out that he doesnt really talk outside the metaverse so--hes hyperverbal as joker and just near nonverbal as akiren
he stims ALL THE TIME. that phone thing, the pencil thing, the little tappy tap of his foot, pulling at his bangs when hes embarrassed/smug. someone get him a fidget spinner. he’ll prob learn to do tricks with it
he probably sucks at focusing in class, like i know its just the game design but hes always surprised out of his daily “star out the window at the nearby office building” when his teachers ask him questions
mona mentions when the pt is at Wilton for the first time (after they run into shido) that joker eats like shit, and that could have multiple causes at the start of the story of course, but when i first played i thought that joker was a picky eater and that the variety (and amount of food) at the buffet would be an Ordeal...
tho mona makes that comment bc joker looked pale after having a little ptsd moment from shidos voice, but i didnt know that the first time i played
maybe when joker makes a face at ryuji putting so much ginger in his gyudon? joker probably does not like pickled ginger lol
his favortive foods are all spicy, which is why the curry he makes for his friends is always ‘overly spicy’, and why kasumi makes him a curry bento and joker kept going “...?” .... “....?!”
overly reflective glasses have been a great plus for him bc now he never has to make real eye contact every again!
mona Soft. play with Ann hair. maybe Braid. nice
puns (Gorou the Goroumet)
he has so many options to be straight up rude sometimes in game. he probably no clue on his own, which is why he defaults to Not Talking. people probably mention his constant scary face, which is just him being nonexpressive, squinting at all the fucking bright lights, and Tired
executive function who? we do everything last minute folks
high pain tolerance, which is why he was the kid that was always climbing trees in elementary school to get basketballs unstuck from the branches
his sixth sense lets him see treasure and possible places to climb/crawl bc 1. Shiny? Steal it. Steal it Now. and 2. Could i fit in that? Time to Find Out
probalby a bit of a klepto too oops. he’ll return it tho!! but he has to do it dramatically or he’ll die
cant sit properly to save his life
smells and touch are Great, they can keep him grounded when his brain goes off to police or dead rivals or guilt or
if a friend hung out with him and gave him total reigns of the agenda, he would choose to nap on the floor while his friend does something off to the side quietly
hyperfocuses on handy tasks (i.e. lockpicks, coffee brewing, cleaning, his part time jobs) and some things like movies and books. everything else is a tossup
his (normal) navigation app is his most used app bc he still doesnt know where hes going, even though he only goes to the same few places in the city
hates being sweaty, literally cannot stand it. probably double exhausted during the summer
but Needs Compression so hes often Struggling
Futaba
paraphrase from p5d “i have no motor skills so i cant play rhythm games :(” need i say more? (i will regardless)
echolalia all the time, from anime, memes, the PT
those headphones she wears all the time? noise cancelling ear protectors babey
only talks about her interests, “normal” talking is Not Easy, but she is still communicative w others despite her worries. shes not “hard to understand” at all but she feels the anxiety nonetheless
only talks informally, cannot talk ‘politely’ with out imitating someone around her
shes had meltdowns and anxiety attacks in game :( i relate so hard
Technology. thats it
def had an egypt phase that pops up every few months. probably came from yu-gi-oh
has Immune to Bright Lights buff.  joker is very jealous
“Time to make like a tree and leave!” and 30 other iterations
video game metaphors are the only ones that makes sense to her
probably relates hard to robot characters in anime for their general androgyny and confusion about human emotions and connections
probably gets told that shes “too smart to be on the spectrum” by teachers >:( she fails their classes on purpose
wakaba’s autistic too that just how it is
the Connection that she establishes with Joker is so Warm. my life goals include adopting an older brother like futaba has lsdkfjslkfj
also eater of 5 foods only, i mean, she brings cup ramen to the beach. i just really admire her...
hides in small spaces for comfort
doesnt she have like uhhhhh hyperthymesia or something like that?
Yusuke
art
his entire social link is learning how humans work, which i relate
talks seriously all the time
“sarcasm? who is that? are you saying I was sarcastic?...how?”
cant remember to take care of his body, and madarame did not help with that either
lot of uncomfortable staring, hes overdoing the eye contact thingy
infodumps all the time, doesnt know hes doing it
needs a lot of support even if he doesnt think he deserves it. no one ever complains about helping him out tho
visual stims my friends
he didnt know that you could look up pictures on the internet but he does know you can stream live videos of waterfalls and fluffy animales!!
I am certainly in the mood
for something salty today.
he and joker are scared of math. numbers do not interact
Yusuke, futaba, and akiren are a trio and i know this bc their first day of non-thievery interacts is Akiren clearing Futabas room w/o permission, futaba hyperfocusing on destroying medjed, and yusuke rearranging futabas figurines so they are more visually appealing
morgana is a support friend for all of them bc igor knows they need it
P4
Souji/Yu
yes, he mostly wears gray semi formal clothes bc parents tell him to, no, he will not changes this
Schedule or Death
“sorry, could you repeat that?” “huh? oh yeah, i was saying that--” “yeah that’d be cool.”
cats, fishing, he just likes to be quiet. you can literally spend a day at the beach just to think if you want, and that is what yu want
has a lot of scripts for things (of which he shares with nanako!) but if he runs out he just stops talking..
inaba is a godsend bc its so fucking quiet and warm
he Yearns to hold his friends hands, but he shies away from a lot of touch (excepting yosuke, teddie, and nanako)
Cooking and Cleaning makes the world better. he and joker vibe together with this
unlike akiren, he strong arms any executive dysfunction into Be Productive or Else. his punishment is feeling the pure anxiety of having to make up for ‘lost time’. (another symptom of his workaholic parents)
writes everything down, notes are very neat, has pages dedicated for bad doodles when hes not feeling his usual Super Classroom Focus
Cannot handle secondhand embarrassment (most often caused by yosuke) and will quietly slip away to random cats or origami folding
hungry, crunch crunch folks. probably needs chewelry bc he used to chew on his shirt collars when he was younger.
cleans up after everyone in the food court, constantly worries about them accidently hurting themselves. likely spends half of group conversations watching peoples hands
he canonically eats expired food, nanako plz help your brother
really clumsy, but people only notice after they decide that he is a cool person
video games are too chaotic for him
exhausted every night from the pure amount of masking he does, if a friend spends the night (or is like yosuke) they will know his more comfortable weirdo self (tho everyone knows hes a weirdo eventually)
hyperempathetic, sometimes just understands animals and children better than peeople his age or older
Yukiko
her jokes
she and souji get in ‘trouble’ together, she and joker commit crimes together
she and chie have to coordinate outfits, its important
actually understands metaphors, but does not understand people
like me, had no clue that creepy kid was flirting with her
she is very angry when she has meltdowns that might involve slamming doors and shouting. her parents call these ‘tantrums’ and ‘unfitting for a polite daughter’ but really thats because her meltdowns tend to be caused by arguments w her family after a long day of school and TV world traipsing
the metronome meme, except hers goes between Loudest Person in the Room to Quietest Pin Drop in the Planet. she is completely unaware of this
her atmosphere brightens when chie appears. that is not only the lesbian energy within her, but also because chie is like her Favorite Person
Cannot wear Pants. No (tho she wants to try it! but she puts them on and her soul instantly squashes)
happy flappy lesbian! watch out!
Naoto
the pouty face. all the time lskdfjlasdkf
hes really snappy sometimes and i love that for him. he and akechi should fight just to see what would happen (please read Bang Bang Shoot Shoot on AO3)
“do not touch me or my hat, thank you”
no one has ever seen him shutdown and no one ever will (except for his grandpa)(and kanji)(and rise)
probably likes certain food textures and will stand for nothing less, probably feels embarrassed about his preferences with friends
constantly jumps between ‘everybody hates me so i should act like them so they dont hate me’ to ‘i refuse to be anything but very comfortable as myself, and i dont care that im making you upset sir’
he and souji are the king and queen of subtle stims, but for unhappy reasons :(
does not make jokes. cannot joke around. understand? yes, do? no.
loose clothes are the only good clothes, but all tags and obtrusive seams will be obliterated by kanji tatsumi
not very empathetic so he probably comes off as an asshole to strangers (like when he throws away his classmates confession letters without reading them) but he tries so hard to sound comforting when his buds are struggling.
his understanding of others emotions/reactions come from his learning as a detective, which seems cold+clinical to others, especially compared to souji, whos completely unexpressive but very introverted people person
P3
Hamuko/Minako/Kotone
big personality!! very people-oriented!! koromaru and her are buddies!! when shes having a real bad time, shes very quiet and expressions turn off
interrupts herself in the middle of conversations all the time. no one knows where shes coming from. her brains is thousands of km ahead of her body
bouncey legs, swingin arms, twirlly skirt, little somersaults! when will she stop? never!
very obvious music stims with her hands and arms! people are like “oh there she goes! happy as usual!” shes listening to minatos heavy metal playlist
switches from exhausted to excited within milliseconds. no one can predict, not even her
SEES has to ask her for context all the time cuz she’ll just continue shit from 2 weeks ago without warning
professionals will assume shes very childish bc of how chipper she is, but she is beyond mature for her age and only feels comfortable enough to have serious conversations if a person has proved themself able to handle it
collects every little thing. her room is a mess and she has to get rid of most of it every time she moves :(
hates cleaning! smells bad, feels bad hhhhhgggg
dont let mitsuru-senpai see her bedroom
gets lost in the middle of conversations with others bc shes thinking about a story connected to one(1) word that was said earlier
 no sense of time and place, she just sees her friends and goes “ah, this is the right place, then” but junpei and akihiko are also lost so now theyre all screwed
Minato/Makoto/Sakuya
no talkies, no walkies
his story in the movies is him literally learning how to function around people he cares for
doesnt get jokes, expressions, body language, empathy, subtlety, metaphors, physical contact, or eye contact. aigis is probably the only person he truly understands right away
he is still nice to people because he doesnt see a reason not to be, but also he has very limited energy so only his senpai and old people get his most polite-kindnesses
cannot describe feelings for the life of him. the team wont know hes injured or sick until hes passed out
everything is too loud, time to drown it out with my loud ass music
rocking and chewing stims, ryoji is the first person to point him out for these subtle stims (not accusingly of course, just general pure curiosity and love for the uniqueness of humanity)
likes to cover his face with whatever is available, lives like a bat in a dark dry cave
will wear anything that has pockets and his blue/gray/black palette
sleepy at all times bc he never has much energy
when he was younger he probably needed a lot of support, especially after his parents died, because he wouldnt communicate like a neurotypical and would shutdown for hours in the middle of school without warning. probably missed a lot of lessons and field trips out of pure overstimulation
eating at all times. no preference, just whatevers closest
his meltdowns probalby include humming whining noises and curling up in a ball, which makes people want to touch him, but that is the LAST thing he wants. put a blanket on him! play some music! do not talk and do not expect him to speak
aigis is the only person who can touch him normally bc her hands are cold and he likes cold
never nude, feels mmmmmmmmm without clothes and probalby wears a full robe in the hotsprings
will not do things that take more than one step w/o someone else walking him thru it, which Same
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b0ttl3d-up-st4rs · 3 years
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Well I'm gonna do what I do best and self reflect to an insane amount. This is probably gonna be a long post so buckle up.
To be honest my behavior for nearly the past year now is concerning to say the least. There's this little voice in my head that just desperately wants to get more and more hurt, more and more traumatized. Why is that? At first glance the negative approach could be to say its some sort of masochistic behavior and any negative repercussions as a result of this behavior is deserved, but I don't really think thats the case.
Self sabotage is a characteristic that can be exhibited in many mentally ill people and I am no exception. I think this behavior, of seeking to be hurt by grown men on the internet is partially self sabotage.
And I remember when I first started this shit show, I just wanted attention. Sounds mean to say, but craving attention is something the human soul desperately wants. And I was starting to feel some sense of self beauty but I didn't feel as though anyone around me was appreciating it so I tried to get attention from grown men because being showered in compliments and attention felt so good when my whole life I've never gotten any of that.
I think there's more too it, though. Looking back my whole life it's almost as if I've wanted to get hurt. In books I liked to sit around with the pain the characters felt. And its almost like I wanted to get traumatized. I've heard that people with trauma that they don't acknowledge is trauma or think its bad enough to be traumatizing seek put worse forms of trauma, in order to feel that pain is valid. And I think that's part of my issue too.
I do have unaddressed and repressed childhood trauma. I was given unrestricted internet at a young age and was exposed to the horrors of the internet. Nothing like straight up porn, but a lot of suggestive content. And in general being exposed to that caused me a lot of catholic guilt as I was raised catholic. I remember feeling like knowing these things were my fault. Many days I felt so guilty that I would pray to god to let me not wake up in the morning.
As a child I also questioned my religion a lot, which i think was traumatic in itself. Religion is a big thing. And as a kid I had a big issue knowing reality from fiction. Heck I still do. I remember as a kid my friend telling me that we were all demigods and one day we were going to run away to camp half blood. That the percy jackson books were real. It sounds stupid now, but I processed that as real and it was so stressful for me.
And I remember being 12 coming out as trans and as a part of the lgbtq community to my parents. They didnt react well. They said I was confused. My mom said I was both too young and too old to know. I fought a lot with my mom. And in general have a lot of unhappy memories from then. I was outed multiple times in my life.
My relationship with my parents still isnt good. My mom has a tendency to be toxic. I hate that I have to stay in the closet around my family its so painful. Like a month ago I mentioned the lgbtq community for the first time in years, asking my mom her opinions on it and if it changed since 2017, and it turned into her yelling at me and making herself a victim. It really hurt. I forgot how much it hurt.
I don't really have much of a relationship with my dad. We barely talk. Hes very emotionally distant. When I'm at my dad's house I sort of fend for myself. Its the exact opposite at my moms house. She's overbearing and never leaves you alone. It's like going between to extremes.
And honestly I can't wait to move out. My mom and I have arguments a lot. But hey at least I have some relationship with her, I don't really have a relationship with my dad.
I remember one time this year, I was during the end of a school semester. I needed to catch up on work because after talking to my abuser for like 5 months and then unlocking him I was left in shambles and fell into a really bad depression to where my motivation for school just disapeared. Im still dealing with that tbh. Anyways I had to go to a online meeting to choose my classes and I didn't get to choose the classes I thought I would be able to, and that made me really upset. But after the meeting I had to go to do am act of kindness (I chose picking up litter at a graveyard cause i like graveyards) for my school project but I was still distraught. If I was given some time to myself I probably wouldve been able to go without issue, but my mom wanted to go immediately. We argued. And when I got there I refused to leave the car because I felt so much like shit. We argued more. It was the worst argument I ever had. She even swore at me. Which she's never done before. And she ended up playing victim again. She does that a lot I guess. And doesn't really listen to my feelings. Whenever I try to communicate about my feelings with her it turns into an argument and she makes it about herself. So yeah our relationship isn't the greatest. And I think having mommy and daddy issues is a trauma in itself. Ppl deserve to have happy healthy supportive families.
Oh right and another trauma I completely forgot (funny how that happens) is when I was 14 and admitted to a mental hospital because I tried to off myself. It was so surreal and they forced me to learn how to make eye contact with people cause apparently thats "how they know im doing ok". Which is kinda fucked considering the fact I recently realized I might be autistic. And eye contact is literally so painful for me. It especially was back then. Anyways the place itself wasnt too bad but the feeling of being trapped overall sucks and being disconnected from the rest of the world isnt fun either. Also I dissociate all the time but I especially dissociated hard thru the whole experience. And sort of made myself into the perfect patient, repeating all their bs and literally lying to myself to convince myself that I was ok so they would let me go. So that was kind of weird.
Anyways I know I have it better than others. And honestly sometimes it's hard to tell what exactly was traumatic in my childhood. I probably forgot and repressed other parts of it too and am forgetting things. But needless to say these unaddressed traumas didn't help my mental state. And i do think that's a big part of the voice in my head begging me to just get hurt more.
Overall my mental state is fucked, It's been really hard for me not to be taken advantage of by another internet pedo. Heck the only reason that isn't happening rn is because no ones dmed me yet. Also I unblocked my old abuser and we are talking again now so thats fun. It definitely doesnt help the cognitive dissonance in my brain of him being actually a nice and supportive dude. I think thats also a part of me wanting to get more traumatized. Since my abuser is a nice person that should counteract all the fucked up sexual things he said to me in the past right? I mean others have it worse, had worse abusers that were actively cruel. That's part of the bitch in my subconscious brain talking. It sucks tbh.
Anyways yeah I probably need therapy but I don't feel comfortable talking about this to my current counselor and honestly its really hard to say out loud. I can talk forever about it by writing it down but the moment I speak words from my dumbass mouth I break down in tears and can't do it. Plus idk, I'm scared if I say anything she'll have to tell my parents and that my phone might be taken away or I'll have less privacy and for a closeted queer where my only current life line is the internet and my online friends: that is a terrifying idea. Idk. I'm fucked basically.
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wenightmareyou · 3 years
Text
movie post for AR @alien-romantic !! ✨
okay i feel like my movie taste really does come down to what did i see in theaters that made me define my personality around them for the rest of the week, and i usually have Allergic to Watching Old Movies Disease so most of these are p recent! my movie taste is Also defined by what i saw enough on tumblr that eventually i broke down and watched it and it was actually amazing lol
✨favorite horror movies✨
Jennifer’s Body: THEE movie of all time, it literally has anything i could ever want in a movie: excessively campy dialogue, a plot around making a deal with the devil, a town that’s slightly fucked up, extended metaphors about gender violence but in a palatable PG-13 non-graphic format, Megan Fox going feral and eating boys, a homoerotic friendship where they also kinda hate each other but its mostly bc neither of them can deal with their feelings in the world they were brought up in, and a soundtrack that slaps. Seriously i could probably quote this movie word for word at this point, and like technically its horror but its also really funny and theres not really any jumpscares or anything. Im gonna stop talking about this one bc if i keep going i could write a whole essay but its so good (also i wont elaborate but Jennifers Body and Heathers are sisters, spiritually)
Us: hhhhhhhh this is so good, ik Jordan Peele’s only directed two movies so far but he never misses, like this was genuinely terrifying for me but also raises a lot of Questions and made me think about the implications of it for weeks afterward. It’s about this family vacationing in Santa Cruz, CA at the same time that there’s this planned uprising of doppelgängers all around the US (i cant remember if its the world or just the US? But it makes a lot of commentary about the US in particular so im guessing its just the US). I’ve still only seen it once but the aesthetics are so good, its definitely more on the violent side than Get Out was, but its not too bad (like idk if you’ve seen Midsommar but like. its nowhere near as gory as that lol). I swear i didnt have a fear of doppelgängers before this but between this and tma i sure do now
It (chapter 1): this one is so close to my heart omg 🥺 i associate it super strongly with watching it with friends so thats at least half the reason its a favorite. Also i love horror-comedies so much as a genre, mostly bc i scare easily so its nice to have jokes in between to break the tension and this movie’s hilarious
Cabin in the Woods: i cant say what this one’s about without spoiling it but i’ll say it definitely goes under the same category as It for me, in terms of horror-comedy. Its such a fun deconstruction of horror movie tropes and it gets so insane at the end, like when you watch it you can *tell* it was made in 2011 but like in a good way
Also honorable mention to The Love Witch for sending me into a spiral about what truly is the female gaze/if there can be one definition of that/the relationship between love and violence etc etc basically it’s Extremely Gender. Also not v bloody and doesnt have any jumpscares, and its an aesthetic masterpiece omg
✨favorite comfort movies/romcoms✨
Juno: i dont normally have favorite actors but Elliot Page is my emotional support favorite actor, like idk how to explain it but all of his characters just scream comfort character somehow. Juno has the same screenwriter as Jennifer’s Body so it has a really similar sense of humor, but altogether v wholesome plot about a pregnant teenager and her bff, michael cera. Also highly quotable, and i dont think ive ever watched this without crying, like this is one of those movies where im like love is real actually 🥺💕
Easy A: this movieee!!! Oh my god this movie, its so intensely californian and thats def part of why i like it. Also realizing now a major factor in movies i like is how quotable they are bc this is another one i feel like i quote all the time. Plus theres something so fun about baby Emma Stone living her 80s movie protagonist dream AND doing the “you think i’m a villain? I’ll show you a villain!” trope bc thats always fun
All of twilight but especially the first one: i mean idk what to say, i got brainworms when i was 11 and made twilight my whole personality for like 3 years, then grew out of it, then the twilight renaissance happened and im Back on My Bullshit 😂 i also just like having a purpose for me memorizing everything possible about twilight in middle school so like.... if you ever want any fun twilight facts hit me up (this goes to AR but if you’re not AR and reading this too this also applies lmao im down to talk about twilight any time)
And honorable mention to Scott Pilgrim (okay not a romcom but def a comfort movie), to be fair i havent seen this one all the way through in a looong time but i go back to the most iconic parts a lot
also okay theres def more in this category that i like but my brain is turned off now so i cant remember them 😂
✨ and the best category: movies i hate ❤️ ✨
i feel like i tend not to like movies that feel like they’re trying too hard? Like if i watch something and *instantly* know its trying to be Oscar bait, or if its trying to be camp but like,,., pretentious high end camp. Like anything by Wes Anderson is a hard nope for me, also i saw Gravity in theatres on a whim whenever that came out and it just didnt click for me at all. (Also okay The Love Witch kiiiind of checks the boxes for this but its still a fave)
Also okay this movie isnt any of those things but i still dont like it: It Chapter 2! I feel so bad cause It chapter 1 was so good and created this huge hype for the sequel for me, but the plot just went off the fucking rails. Sure we got bill hader being in love with his childhood best friend which spawned the whole Reddie craze on here for awhile..... but that came at the price of naked old ladies being used for shock value and whatever the hell was going on with Pennywise being an alien/god/something??? Like if the book is like this i know i couldn’t get through it, i was laughing my way through the whole movie but like, laughing (derogatory)
I feel like this section just became a reason to dunk on It Ch 2 but honestly the only other sequel i can think of that betrayed me like that was Endgame 😂
Also unrelated but while im still on the topic of movies i dont like/my hot takes: 10 Things I Hate About You was too sexist for me enjoy, i see it hyped on here a lot and im like ??? yall that did not age well 😭 but tbf i still like Mean Girls so we all have our things 😂
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sukirichi · 3 years
Note
read the new chapters and aAAACKKKKK BESTIE???
y/n - ‘I was born to make everyone’s life a living hell’ maam this LINE?! JAW DROPPED, TIME STOPPED being insecure all her life and wanting to live up to the expectations to her dad just to have that sliver of attention from him, that sentence gives us a glimpse on how little she felt despite being accomplished, rather successful actually because she always cleans her boss’ mess have a lot of baggage to unpack. and when the secret was confirmed, her anger rejects all of the entity that ties with her past because both her parents deprived her for the things she was supposed to have– becoming greedy to fulfill those. then eventually, somehow, going back to her roots aka being humble after having the talk with her dad. As most of her insecurity started because of him and how she had to be the bigger person for his other family, clearing out the misunderstanding between them brought a sense of peace  while she’s settling in the restless turn of events.
and with our main man gojo, this guy, it is not wise to- 😤😤 how can you say you’re engaged after doing the body tango huh? esp when you said you want y/n to be your wife? oh gee and the revelation of his past relationship with mia and how he sees her in y/n is so fucked up. can’t help but think that satoru wanting to marry and be this lovey-dovey with y/n is just him reliving the moments that mia never gave him in the past. and y/n accepting that their current relationship is based on how they’re filling up the cracks in their needs and settling for the sake of familiarity. imagine how deep in love our girl is to keep satoru in her life 💔 im still in it for the second lead agenda
needless to say, everyone here needs a therapy so they can get their shit straight together 🤧🤧 (ノ•̀ o •́ )ノ ~ ┻━┻
BUT i know you mentioned this many times but laywer! naoya all poised and in his best behavior while helping y/n in her new situation has my heart go💕💕 winning lots of cases and is known in his field, he proved that he is both beauty and brains. and the pen spin??? man be pulling those fast spins either to distract or impress the person he is talking to flashing those perfect white pearls wtf now i can’t get that out of my head naoya brain rot 🥵🥵 also celebrity chef! sukuna in charge of all those delicious, exquisite cuisines? imma make myself broke just to taste his masterpiece🥲 ooh but how about him being a michelin star chef and owning a michelin-starred resto?! no doubt, left and right you see this man appearing on some high food magazine on the cover 😊😊 oh oh i also saw that supermodel! choso?? also his face is plastered on magazines AND luxurious advertisements ex. shibuya crossing! where most people be drenched in his glorious presence yea weird shibuya arc ref pls kill me and everyone talks how handsome and intimidating he is while he just have a rbf and only the closest people in his life get to see him drop that front 😌😌
with that in mind, imagine supermodel! choso being a godfather to the baby of y/n?? he would go soft immediately at the sight of the child and would probably love giving lots of branded clothes it will be good enough for more than a year ☺️🥲😭
oh and there is this one scene in chp7 that reminded me of the recent korean movie i watched i dont wanna say it in case you wanna check it out its called sweet and sour and oh god idk why but watching it, mind keeps on prompting your fics 😬😬 maybe bcos i some of your fic always had med related topics and the main actress role there is a nurse. i remember that you’re on your clinic training so maybe thats why 😳oohh pls don’t forget to take breaks and be safe heart and oh ur a psych major too? oh wow hi ig in relation to one actress in the sweet and sour fic, she was also in a kdrama the heirs- which was popular at the time with it being packed with some solid household actors and actresses. sky castle tho, ig it relates to the theme of reckless more because its mostly how parents from the upper class will mindlessly destroy someone’s life to attain their materialistic desires  🤧🙂
this fic, easily in my top 3 ‘heart belongs to who it dictates’ so many twists, so much drama and ANGST! YES BESTIE GIMME THOSE ANGST 🥲😌
i hope you’re doing well nowadays :’)) we need to find gege the best chiropractor to take care of his back, so good that it’ll make naoya respawn to life 🙂 suki i don’t think i’ll get tired of saying how much i love your work that it feels illegal im reading it for free 💔. i don’t really have much to offer, but im wishing you good health and success in your life :’)) aah i’ve mentioned this already but take care always 💕💖😊🥰
- 🍳
read the new chapters and aAAACKKKKK BESTIE???
y/n - ‘I was born to make everyone’s life a living hell’ maam this LINE?! JAW DROPPED, TIME STOPPED being insecure all her life and wanting to live up to the expectations to her dad just to have that sliver of attention from him, that sentence gives us a glimpse on how little she felt despite being accomplished, rather successful actually because she always cleans her boss’ mess have a lot of baggage to unpack. and when the secret was confirmed, her anger rejects all of the entity that ties with her past because both her parents deprived her for the things she was supposed to have– becoming greedy to fulfill those. then eventually, somehow, going back to her roots aka being humble after having the talk with her dad. As most of her insecurity started because of him and how she had to be the bigger person for his other family, clearing out the misunderstanding between them brought a sense of peace  while she’s settling in the restless turn of events.
and with our main man gojo, this guy, it is not wise to- 😤😤 how can you say you’re engaged after doing the body tango huh? esp when you said you want y/n to be your wife? oh gee and the revelation of his past relationship with mia and how he sees her in y/n is so fucked up. can’t help but think that satoru wanting to marry and be this lovey-dovey with y/n is just him reliving the moments that mia never gave him in the past. and y/n accepting that their current relationship is based on how they’re filling up the cracks in their needs and settling for the sake of familiarity. imagine how deep in love our girl is to keep satoru in her life 💔 im still in it for the second lead agenda
needless to say, everyone here needs a therapy so they can get their shit straight together 🤧🤧 (ノ•̀ o •́ )ノ ~ ┻━┻
BUT i know you mentioned this many times but laywer! naoya all poised and in his best behavior while helping y/n in her new situation has my heart go💕💕 winning lots of cases and is known in his field, he proved that he is both beauty and brains. and the pen spin??? man be pulling those fast spins either to distract or impress the person he is talking to flashing those perfect white pearls wtf now i can’t get that out of my head naoya brain rot 🥵🥵 also celebrity chef! sukuna in charge of all those delicious, exquisite cuisines? imma make myself broke just to taste his masterpiece🥲 ooh but how about him being a michelin star chef and owning a michelin-starred resto?! no doubt, left and right you see this man appearing on some high food magazine on the cover 😊😊 oh oh i also saw that supermodel! choso?? also his face is plastered on magazines AND luxurious advertisements ex. shibuya crossing! where most people be drenched in his glorious presence yea weird shibuya arc ref pls kill me and everyone talks how handsome and intimidating he is while he just have a rbf and only the closest people in his life get to see him drop that front 😌😌
with that in mind, imagine supermodel! choso being a godfather to the baby of y/n?? he would go soft immediately at the sight of the child and would probably love giving lots of branded clothes it will be good enough for more than a year ☺️🥲😭
oh and there is this one scene in chp7 that reminded me of the recent korean movie i watched i dont wanna say it in case you wanna check it out its called sweet and sour and oh god idk why but watching it, mind keeps on prompting your fics 😬😬 maybe bcos i some of your fic always had med related topics and the main actress role there is a nurse. i remember that you’re on your clinic training so maybe thats why 😳oohh pls don’t forget to take breaks and be safe heart and oh ur a psych major too? oh wow hi ig in relation to one actress in the sweet and sour fic, she was also in a kdrama the heirs- which was popular at the time with it being packed with some solid household actors and actresses. sky castle tho, ig it relates to the theme of reckless more because its mostly how parents from the upper class will mindlessly destroy someone’s life to attain their materialistic desires  🤧🙂
this fic, easily in my top 3 ‘heart belongs to who it dictates’ so many twists, so much drama and ANGST! YES BESTIE GIMME THOSE ANGST 🥲😌
i hope you’re doing well nowadays :’)) we need to find gege the best chiropractor to take care of his back, so good that it’ll make naoya respawn to life 🙂 suki i don’t think i’ll get tired of saying how much i love your work that it feels illegal im reading it for free 💔. i don’t really have much to offer, but im wishing you good health and success in your life :’)) aah i’ve mentioned this already but take care always 💕💖😊🥰
- 🍳
y/n becomes a real baddie when she’s pissed off 😫
hmm y/n wasn’t really working hard for her dad’s attention, it was more like she felt so left out and unwanted (she feels unwanted wherever she goes) that she just decided to pack up and support them from afar bcos to her, she’s so alienated in her dad’s family that she felt like she had to work hard to earn a spot in their table. she knows she’s the outsider but she wants to feel like she can be part of them, that she is also a child deserving of love and care, but becos her stepmom focused more on her actual kids and her own dad was too busy with his new family now, it made y/n feel that she had to do something to be worthy of that.
that’s why most of the money she made working in tokyo was still wired to her family; she put her brothers in school and supported them, all because she hoped it would make them accept her more. now, things are different because she finally found her biological family, but even if valeria and co. still don’t want her, y/n is now more focusing on building something that’s truly hers that no one can take away. yes yes, she did become greedy, but more for power than of acceptance. she got to a point she doesn’t care as much vying for her parents’ approval and now thinks her luxury gives her comfort; only because at least she has that much. like she said in the latest chapter, happiness was not what she needed, it was stability and money - all things she lacked before.
and yea she did go back to her roots! all of her issues started with her dad anyway but that part is slowly patching up 🩹💔 oooh actually your theory is right bestie 🧐 gojo found y/n interesting bcos she reminded him of mia, so the more she pushed him away, the more he’s like wait, i’ve been here before, let’s not repeat past mistakes but i can do better now. on the part where gojo talked to mia while she was asleep, notice how he said he’s given a second chance to do better now, all because he couldn’t do them with mia but he could with y/n.
ohhh actually y/n was the one who established that ‘fulfilling mutual need and settling for familiarity instead of being lonely’ type of relationship. gojo avoided her for weeks and he’s pretty settled in keeping his distance, but she was the one who sought him out. deep down, y/n is afraid if she doesn’t at least use him as an anchor to her more humble roots, then she might spiral out of control and end up like valeria, thus using him as a ‘distraction’ but in reality, she needs his comfort to be grounded.
SECOND LEAD AGENDA OMG LETS GOOO 🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️ geto the fine fine option.
NO BESTIE MOMENT U MENTIONED LAWYER NAOYA I JUST KNEW I WAS GONNA SCREAM. okay but lawyer! naoya is so fine, i love his character so much bcos he’s a pure bean. originally, i was gonna make him an antagonist but i found he had more potential as a good, supportive character. HIS PEN SPIN HELPPP WHY COULDN’T HE JUST BEEN OUR BABY DADDY 😫 he pulls them fast spins bcos he’s nervous btw HAHAHAHA y/n can be quite intimidating and lawyer! naoya is sometimes too precious.
celebrity chef! sukuna is MEAN! he was pictured after gordon ramsay so lmao. omgggg sukuna being famous not only for his food but also his handsomeness 😳 he gets so cocky over how no one can get in his level while popping a battle of champagne, listening to ‘careless whisper’ while dancing to his reflection in the mirror 😤
also yoo supermodel! choso is THE hot shit 🥵 he’s so famous his schedule is packed for an entire year and a half and those are just for very selected brands and designers! ugh imagine going to work on the subway when you see supermodel! choso with rbf posing sexily and you swoon because he’s so sexy. plot twist that choso doesn’t know how to drive bcos as a kamo family member, they grew up with drivers taking them to and fro, so when his driver got sick and everyone else was busy, supermodel choso takes the subway himself and hides behind a face mask and cap while still wearing extravagant clothes that makes him stand out more. he does not have ‘subtle’ on his book at all.
and yeah people say he’s intimidating but its more his height and build + rbf! in reality, he’s just as soft and sweet as naoya, but both of them go into protective mode when someone they care about is being crapped on. and boy when they DO get into “what did you just say?” mode, better run away 🏃🏻‍♀️ supermodel! choso is also an heir to the kamo empire though not after the business, but he still has enough power to take you down in a second.
meanwhile, lawyer! naoya didn’t become this successful without being so savage yet composed he makes you question your entire existence before he drags you to court. lawyer! naoya is so scarily convincing that he can make you plead guilty even tho you did nothing wrong 💀
aaaah omg supermodel! choso LOVES babies actually! as the eldest child who looked after his brothers bcos the kamo parents are always away for work, being a father figure is so natural to him. i can picture him being the one who cries harder than gojo if the baby is born bcos he’s so excited, then reads poems to the baby before sighing that childbirth is such a beautiful thing 🥺
omg i know sweet n sour, the actresses are one of my faves tho i haven’t watched it yet! oooh they’re a nurse? i didn’t know that 🧐 i actually finish my short training in a week so i’ll be heading on to heavy majoring in psychology! wait bestie are YOU also a psych major 😳💕 oh and i see i see, sky castle *jots that down for future references* reckless actually has lots of significance in terms of the parents’ roles so i’m excited to see that! and aww thank you so much, can’t believe i made it in someone’s top three 🥺💕
HELP AHSKWKW i’m gonna call the best chiropractor in the world and send them gege’s way, i’ll cry a river if that’s what it takes to bring my boo back to life 😭 and noo baby the support already means a lot to me, i’m just happy to indulge in my hobbies and share it wih you all so thank you very much for everything 🥺 please take care of yourself too n have a nice day!! kith MWAH 💕
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laurajameskinney · 4 years
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Okay so. You just caught all my fun arthur facts. So I own a lot of the mythos and such and the issue is that it was being written about by other nation's people. Thats why it progressed from being about a Welsh king fighting again fae and I believe it was vikings or something. I dont think viking is right but I can't get to my books rn. But a few of the most read iterations of the stories- like where lancelot and the holy grail and such came from although it wasn't holy when first introduced- was a French version of the myths! Thats why its associated with England instead of Wales because when adapting, people knew more of England than Wales
no yeah dude i know i know. also it was anglo-saxons, who were basically vikings (they even came from jutland, aka denmark lite), and also the guys the english are (mostly) descended from. i think the og popular writing about arthur that WASNT historium brittanium (highly fictionalized history of ‘england’ c. 800s) was written shortly post-norman invasion and was basically propaganda in favour of a unified state, with i think one of the themes being “hey look we both hate the anglo saxons how about you [the welsh/britons] join up with us or at least support us! we got the backing of Your Man King Arthur!” 
obviously as a propaganda piece it didn’t reallyyyyy work, but it did get some french guy interested and he made lancelot. and then a ton of english guys argued for about 200 years about camelot being real. and then they realized the only source even claiming to be historical that talks at length about king arthur, the historium britanum (which i’m misspelling but idgaf) was written by a guy who literally made half that shit up, and, oh yeah, wrote it THREE HUNDRED PLUS YEARS AFTER KING ARTHUR FUCKING DIED AND SO WOULD BE DUBIOUS AT BEST EVEN WITHOUT THE SHITTY TRACK RECORD. ahem.
source on the viking thing: Bede (author of HB) specifically says that Hengist and Horsa, the leaders of the Saxons, invaded in 449 AD, worked with Uther Pendragon or a contemporary, and then betrayed him. arthur is born within the next few years, or few months, idk, point is he probably became king around like....460, in the ballpark of, and is said to have died in....510ish? oh wow that’s a long reign. point is, anglo saxon invasion - started 449, king arthur, r 460-510 (KEEP IN MIND AT THIS POINT I AM RECITING WHAT I REMEMBER OF AN EVEN THEN PROBABLY MOSTLY FICTIONAL NARRATIVE. KING ARTHUR, AS A POST ROMAN WELSH WARLORD WHO FOUGHT THE SAXONS, PROBABLY DID EXIST, AND THAT DOES MATCH UP WITH THESE DATES)
the only part of that you needed to remember was that he died in 510, give or take a few years, because the viking age started in 793, well over 200 years later. you may be getting the viking thing from King Alfred or his grandson, Æthelsomething the unready, who both fought vikings and are famous for it. i have heard that arthur was based on them, which i think is bullshit, because they’re the most famous early rulers from the SAXON LINE of england, and were, you guessed it, saxons!
ok i’ll step off my soapbox now but just reminder that i’m american and am also just citing this from my brain, so i could be misremembering! i might dig up sources for this later. uhh if any welsh people wanna add in their two cents that’d be neat, or anyone that knows shit about king arthur. the english are rudely asked to refrain from commenting 💔 unless ur polly, bc ily, or anon, who’s nationality i don’t know. 
i’m not doing a tldr read my infodump cowards
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wakandascrystal · 4 years
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BET. II
Erik x BlackReader
Summary: Erik and his friends place a bet to get with you little does he know who you and family are.
Part 1
......................................
“Ahh Ray Charles.. Ray Sings, Basie Swings. How did you know? I’m going to enjoy this..“ Your father held the vinyl closely reading all the fine print on the back of the casing.
“How could I not? Ray was all you listened to back then. Your one and only obsession.“ You smiled fondly at the older man. He seemed to be really happy about the gift. That made you feel good. Job well done.
He called one of the four men that stood guard around his office. Dressed in black suits with black earpieces. One hurried towards him. With quickness he took the vinyl from his hands and pulled out the vinyl to insert it into the gramophone.
He dropped the needle and Oh, What A Beautiful Morning started playing. Ray Charles voice filling the wide space. Your father's office was the backdrop of your childhood when you were still innocent and hopeful. You used to run between the wooden chairs and hide behind the large curtains. Minding your blissful business.You missed these days but thinking about the past did nothing but let pain into your heart. Now you were back years later, a grown women. Wiser, intelligent and sometimes harsh.
 Your father's smile took you out of your train of thought. He seemed happy these days. You didn't live with him so seeing him was a treat. You would told anyone this but you were much closer to him the your mother. There were reasons for that, none that made your mother seem unfit but you felt more willing to share your woes and problems with your father. It just felt right.
Next moment the guards left, moving swiftly and closed the door behind them. Offering much needed privacy. While they left he poured himself a glass of whiskey. 
“Thats is not true, Ray is not my only obsession...speaking of..how is your Mother doing?“ He carried on the conversation as if nothing had happened.
“For a divorced couple you both do sure ask about each other a lot.“ You placed your bag on his wooden table and sat down on the leather chairs. Your large dreadlocks laid down the sides of your body. 
“She is the Mother of my beautiful children how could I not care about her well being Y/N?“ He was being sarcastic to cover up his true feelings. He felt bad that you had figured him out already. He sometimes forgets how in ture you are with people's motives and emotions.if only he knew that you didn't judge him one bit. You loved that he wanted her back but you couldn't make your mom fall for him. Not after what happened. 
“I guess, but I know you miss her ...and not in that way in the other way...in the making a 4th child way.“ You took a sip of his whiskey since you already decided to be cheeky with him.
“Y/N!! I am your father!!“ He gently reminds you.  
“And I am your daughter, who can see through your bullshit....I have a good idea! Marry her again!!“
“Y/N!“
“Okay I'm sorry about swearing but you know i'm right.“ You cross your legs and arms.
He leaned back and siped what was left of his whisky. A coy smile on his face thinking about his ex wife.
“How are the twins by the way?” 
“They are fine. Somewhere in Spain, partying. They are young, Dad. Let them live okay. Don't do what you did with me.  Look, now i'm a introverted bitch who cares more about her hair care collection than a real relationship. Call them ...ask how they are doing...show them ...that you care even if it looks small. We love affection.“
“Okay I won't be strict on the boys and ill send them love letters every 2 seconds”
You rolled your eyes
“- But your mother will defendant be strict with them. I can't help you there. Speaking about relationships..you still up on my offer?”
You let out a sigh thinking about his offer. 
“No..I love you dad but i have to decline.I appreciate it I really do but..but you know I'm not a fan of your line of work... and I know what your gonna say. The money raised us, yes and it came when we really needed it. It's a double standard but I can't have someone with such a risky ...lifestyle. I worry about you and Uncle Ronny too much already. Just for my piece of mind I can't go out with the men you have in mind.“ 
“Don't worry sweetheart. Your old man understands.“
“I mean do you know any teachers, bus drivers, an IT guy...hell you know any barrestas.“ He laughed and your sense of humour.
He was glad you were very open with him. Unlike your younger brothers you had reached maturity that surprised him but sometimes you being alone with no one did worry him. 
“Dad Im happy. Don't worry. I really dont need a man. I'm good.“ You tried to convince him.
“I wouldn't be this...concerned if ...if you were active.“ 
“No! I'm not having this conversation with you.“  You were shocked. He had due restriction when it came to your sex life.
“Baby listen you can't be ...scared your whole life. I know what happened when you were young and I know how damaging that experience was to you. You were so young and brave-.“
You cut him off.
“Brave? I wasn't brave dad. I just.....I just layed there and he-” Your voice cracked. You squeezed your thighs remembering the pain “..I Know I can't think like that, that a man who wants me will treat me that way but ...it's so hard. The thought of opening up to a stranger ..it's bit crazy.” 
You wanted him to knew you were afraid but at the say time you didn't. You wanted to live up to this strong daughter image but you had your moments of weakness. Bearing them deep in your soul was better than reliving them. 
“You forgave him, made some calls and you took care of him.”
“Is that what we calling murder now.“ You pushed your hair back.
“You know you didn't have to do it.“ He leaned back into his chair. The smirk on your face worried him.
“I'm glad I did.“
“but... you became stronger. I dont think you should let that event lead you stray from love..potential love. You are-”
“Putting a bullet through his head was never going to take the pain away.“ You whispered
“Does it make me a bad person that I loved the sound of his ...agony... The scream he let out when Uncle Ronnie started cutting off his fingers. Does that make me a bad person?” You voice was soft and dry.
“You wanted revenge....Anyone would have. You a good girl Y/N. You deserve to be happy, I'll make sure of it. If anyone tries anything. I mean anything with you. They so much as move a hair out of place. Call me and they will wish they were never born.“
You wink at him trying to lighten the heavy mood
“Speaking of that..... I did met someone!“ You looked down fearing his reaction. It was bad timing but you wanted him to know 
“Really now?“ he looked surprised.
“Yes..and I have his number. He seemed kind and he said he came out of a bad break up about a year ago. I'm not sure about him but he..he made feel comfortable.“
”Well I’m very happy to hear that. When are you planning to meet the young man.“
“I’m not sure maybe tomorrow maybe next week, maybe never.“ 
“Okay then. Tell me when you or if you do meet him. But I do need to leave unfortunately. I'm leaving the country for a bit. Business of course but please do get comfortably. I will see you in 4 days.“
You got up from your chair and gave your father a hug. He was warm and large just how you liked. Your face rested on his chest. Hearing his calm heart beat.
“Thank you for being understanding, for being patient with me and supportive. Please stay safe and come back in one piece.“
“Always. Now please. Get some rest. Eat something.” He gave you a kiss on the cheek and you left his office.
You strolled making your way to your ride. You instructed Frank, your driver to take you to the Hilton hotel. You had been living there since you arrived. The suite you booked was beautiful and you wish you could live there forever. There were no memory, no stress, no anxiety, no fears. when you layed in your bubble bath in the lavish hotel room you at peace. Milky bubble bath sat still around your curvy brown form, hair up away from the fragranced  soapy water. 
You remember telling your father you didn't need a man. That was true you didn't need one but having someone would be nice. The gilded hotel rooms, marble floors and first class flights to any country. They would be so much better with someone. Someone who cared and loved you. Maybe giving Someone a chance would a right start but you really didn't want to date. The process seemed tedious and time consuming. 
But Erik seemed....different. Well that's what you thought. He was a gorgeous black man, there was question about that but beautiful men are everywhere. Your priority was finding someone with a good heart, maybe some who is simple. No flashy lifestyle. Someone would have patience and be slow with you.
Taking a chance climbed out of the warm tub heading to get your phone on the messy bed...Wrapped in a towel you decided to call him.
***************************
“You are a punk, look hoe I'm beating your ass.“ Erik shouted
They were in a heated basketball video game. The guys had brought drinks, weed and snacks to Coles place. It was a friday so they wanted to unwind. 
“Trey, I will body you next round I swear. How could you let this fool win.”  Jadyn complained 
“...And you put money on this nigga.“ Trey called Cole out.
“”What? I thought I could win...I really did have it..“
“Don't lie! You never had it.“ Erik mocked him.
“Ahh I wouldn't be talking if I was you ...shawty still hasn't texted your ass..“ Cole gave back the same energy.
“..She will ..just give her time.“ Erik really didn't expect you to take time long to text him. It pissed him off. He underestimated your thirst.
Any girl with half a brain would have texted him by now.  He was used to that. There was no instant gratification with you. He felt ashamed a bit that you didn't fall to his feet and he tried to avoid talking about the bet.
“..Stop all that..just reload the next game..i'm going to the bathroom... “
He up and left. Minutes later he heard Cole telling him he had a phone call from an unknown number.
“Let it ring...“ He shouted back as he dried his hands
“So E who’s calling you so late. Its almost 11. Early booty call.“
Erik made his way back to the living room.
“Nah all my booty calls are saved. I have Friday Linda big Titties, double cheek up Nikki, Lisa Titties could be bigger ....and my absolute favorite.....Nasty Keke. Now that bitch is crazy. “
“Call it back maybe it's an important call from the hospital or something.“ He stopped playing the game.
“Man why would you say that...playing with my guilty conscious and shit.“
He dialed up the number and called it.
It would be an understatement to say he did not expect your voice. It was sweet with just enough of nervousness to make it sound more attractive.
“Hey“ Erik’s voice involentarly went high as well and all the 3 men in the room with him looked at him. 
“Are you alone?“ You asked. Erik signaled them to turn of the games and stay quiet then proceed to put the call on speaker.
“Yeah It's just me. I..I didn't expect you to call.“ 
“Oh ...Im sorry. Its just I feel like calling is better? Don't you think?“ You waited for him to answer. Tip toeing around your room. 
“Don't apologise...I mean..Yeah..Calls are more personal. Makes the person in the other end feel..... real.“ 
All 3 men knew Erik was talking shit but for a small moment Erik forgot about the Bet. It was actually nice to have a female call him like this. It had never happened before. They always just texted him. Texted him where to pick them up and when to. They never really wanted to get to know him. 
“Did your father like the gift?“ He asked 
“Yes, he did. He’s a big fan of Ray.“ You hated how nervous you were. It really annoyed you. You didn't understand because you weren't this emotional when you meet him back at the music store. Why did you feel like this now. You liked how deep his voice was, You tried not to be affected by its smoothness.
“ - and hows that heart of yours?“ Erik remembered the lie he had told before.
“His doing much better now that you called. You made a brother wait 2 weeks.”  You let out a playful laugh
“Believe or not but I have other things to deal with...but you're very corny Sir. Do you know that?“
“Yes. I'm just trying to be myself. Corny all day. How was your day Y/N?“
“Well, I facetimed my brothers, Dwayne and Dean. They on vacation right now. Then I visited my dad. I actually gave him the ...gift today. Now i'm at home...its a hotel but still.. Nothing much really and you? A handsome man like you surely has tons of women -“
Erik knew that in order to gain your trust he had to destroy any doubt you might have about him. That yeah, a tall, handsome man could be available like that.
“Its 11: 20 and Im on the phone with you ..what women?”
The line went silent for too long. You didn't know what say. Erik and his friends could hear your soft breaths. You were lying face up on the bed now.
“You still there“ he asked.
“There’s a Japanes restaurant downtown... Nine o'clock sharp. Tomorrow.“ You hold your breath.
Erik stood up and did a victory dab and the men smiled
“Let me pick you up, Where do you live?“
“No you dont have to...you know what yes“ Erik thought your outburst was strange but he didn't dwell to much on it.
But that would be hard to explain. Why you had a 6.2ft armed guard following you at all times ....at any given moment he was always next to you. You didn't want him to see that. It would be too early to explain to him. Joe, your bodyguard didn't like leaving you alone. He would meet your father's wrath if anything happen to you. So you would have to talk to him and make sure he stays low.
You would just cross that bridge when you got there.
 “......Yeah. I'm excited.“
You regretted saying that. It just came out to fast. You really didn't want Erik to think you were forward.
“Me too.“ Your heart melted a little. For some reason you thought he would make fun of you.
“Have a nice night Erik. I'm going to bed now."
"Okay goodnight Princess."
You bit you lip and hung up before you moaned out loud. Rolling around in bed you giggled from the adrenaline from the pet name paired up with his voice. You couldn't believe what you just did. You felt a sense of victory. You felt proud of yourself. You hoped Erik felt the same.
**************
He hung up and the boys went wild with excitement.
" fuck that....I'm not letting you anywhere near my girl no more. You too smooth nigga." Trey said laughing with excitement.
"She eat that shit up like breakfast. I hope yall have got my cash ready."Erik said 
“You better send us some evidence though.“ Trey reminded him
“Yeah whatever. I need to leave anyway get ready for my date and shit. I think i'll stop by Tati’s house first. That girl knows how to throw it back. I'm out.“ He got his belongings and left. Meanwhile you left to call Joe. He had rather stand guard outside the hotel door then inside. He liked to give you your private space. You called him. 
“Joe could you come in for a bit i need to talk to you.“
“Sure.“ By the time you had slipped into pjs he was standing in the living room area.
“Joe...Please take a seat. There is something i need to tell you....“
“Yes “ the incredibly large man sat down legs wide on the soft couch.
“I'm going on a date tomorrow.“ You would be lying if you said you didn't expect his reaction to the new.
“..and who the fuck is that punk.“
Joe had watched you grow up in front of his eyes. he was assigned to you when you were 12. He knew you better than most people in your life so he cared for you a lot and he had his own way of showing it.
“Joe please. He’s nice. And he's taking me out tomorrow.“
“Is he that nigga that was bugging you at that music shop. Him and his friends were acting too fresh for my liking. Eyeing you like a piece of meat. “
“okay i get it men are weird but the reason i called you in ..was to ask you ...to not come.“
“Forget it. If something happens to you ..your father will kill me.“
“I know...Its just i dont want him to know. Can you at least just keep a low profile.“
“Okay. I'll try...but if he so much as hurts you ill...“ You covered his mouth quickly.
“I think you forgetting that i can take care of myself.“
***********************************
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