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#and my brain was like ‘but what if instead it was just sad’
gravedigginbbydoll · 2 days
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Hawkins University : The Munson Edition
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AN: Hey, y'all. So we're almost done! This is the last chapter before an epilogue! I'll be sad to see this one go but I'm glad that it happened. Pls remember that reblogs and comments are appreciated! Also feedback!
→ cliches: friends to lovers, heavy use of nicknames instead of Y/N, we're all just struggling college kids, Music Tutor! Eddie, Resident Assistant! Reader, good girl x bad boy, instant connections, 'I don't trust most people but I trust you', 'are we friends or more?', and 'I can't believe you're such a slut that you have a special dtf drawer...'
→ warnings: mature topics, insecurity, hurt and comfort, drinking and drug usage, strong language, bullying, mental health, discussion of suicide and self harm, mature thoughts, eventual smut, minors dni
→ pairing: modern!college!eddie x college!fem!reader
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Chapter 10
Eddie's POV
Eddie was on cloud nine. He had the girl of his dreams, was finally happy in his major and passing his classes, and Corroded Coffin was steadily on the rise. 
Steve wouldn’t let him live it down, teasing him about the lovesick grin he had and how he ‘felt’ in his gut that you and Eddie would get together. 
Eddie felt a bit saddened by the fact that you had gotten together before finals, so you weren’t able to sleep over as much or go on a date yet. Eddie couldn’t wait to take you out and treat you. You were his girl now. 
But he also couldn’t shake this feeling. You were texting him still, sure, but you had seemed to be avoiding him even after finals, claiming that your job had you absolutely booked. 
Eddie couldn’t help but feel like maybe you were avoiding him now after sleeping together. Maybe you regretted being with him. Maybe you faked it? He couldn’t stop anxiously questioning if you still wanted to be with him. 
Eddie would not admit it aloud, but he was slowly falling for you. 
He knew how you drank your coffee, or how you loved playing with his hair. He knew how nervous you got in new spaces, and how you laughed. He wanted to learn more. He wanted to carve memories of you into his brain, wanted to have the imprint of your figure in his mattress, have your touch burned into his skin. 
He kept pushing off the idea of falling for you. He knew he was on the edge of the cliff, teetering on letting go. But goddamnit, if he wasn’t afraid. Eddie knew himself. When he fell, it was hard and fast. 
It was fully consuming. 
He was scared to let go and have you disappear, just like so many people in his life. Or worse, have you become disgusted with the intricacies of him. You knew so much, but Eddie still guarded parts of his heart. 
Which was why he was staring at his phone, awaiting your text back, when he asked if you could head out to dinner after your shift. 
Your reply stung. 
Sorry, not this time Eds, I’ve got to help my coworker with her on-call. 
Eddie, in a flurry of hurt and bitterness, almost texted back ‘Then when?’. He stopped himself before. 
He’d somehow fucked it up. 
He knew it. 
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“Am I an idiot, Kurt?,” Eddie questioned the stray cat currently chowing down on his porch. Eddie had started feeding the cat when he noticed him digging through the apartment trash, feeling a tug at his heart. He’d always loved animals, knowing they wouldn’t judge him, even if he was a burnout. Kurt meowed at Eddie, chubby tomcat cheeks making Eddie chuckle a bit.  Eddie took a drag from his cigarette, careful to aim it away from Kurt, who resumed chowing down. He only looked up when he heard a commotion from the parking lot, seeing Robin and Steve scramble over to the porch, both of them calling Eddie’s name. 
“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Okay, okay…What’s the big deal, Beavis and Butthead?,” Eddie teased, still trying to calm his nerves. Steve and Robin as a pair usually were a bit over dramatic about things (even for Eddie, who often dramatized most things.) 
Robin stopped, her hands on her knees as she tried to regulate her breathing, wheezing. Steve was a bit better off, sighing before going into what was going on. 
“Some account tried to follow Rob and I and we were like no, but we were curious because the account follows Corroded Coffin. And Robin and I were talking about how Bug has kinda been AWOL, and avoiding us. And so we were wondering if maybe there was something she wasn’t telling us about, so we went to look at the account, and it’s some troll posting super mean shit about Bug and calling her names just because she’s dating you, and-” 
Eddie saw red at the mention. If there was one thing the Munson boy had little to no patience for, it was bullies. He felt his stomach twist at the thought of you dealing with the hate all alone, trying to push people away so as to keep from bothering them. His jaw clenched, his fists flexing and clenching, trying to soothe the anger he felt. 
“What’s the account?,” Eddie asked calmly, controlling his tone and temper, jaw set. 
Steve blinked a bit, shocked by Eddie’s tone but also seeming a bit fearful. “Uh, it’s something like the exterminator? Here,” Steve handed over his phone, showing the Instagram account. 
Eddie scrolled through the account, the posts getting more aggressive as the account owner seemed to take candids of you, and post them. The words were cutting, and just…
Eddie felt his hands shake as he handed back the phone, anger running through him, a slow simmering boil. He walked inside, Steve and Robin following in confusion before Robin finally broke the tense silence. 
“Eddie, what’re you-” 
Eddie spun around, eyes rimmed red, hands shaking as he clenched his fists. “I’m fixing it.” 
Eddie pulled out his phone, calling the one person he knew could get down to the bottom of this. 
“Henderson…I need you to ask Susie for a favor.” 
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Eddie was lucky that Steve had introduced him to Dustin Henderson. Dustin looked up to Eddie, and his little group of friends had somehow stuck to Eddie like old gum on his shoe. But maybe a bit more endearing. 
Dustin’s girlfriend, Susie, was a tech nerd and genius, and somehow knew how to trace or hack most things. 
Which was exactly what she did. 
She traced the Instagram account down to an email, discovering what the email was a backup for, and informed Eddie. 
Tammy Dreser. A member of the Hawkins Cheer team, and a close friend to Chrissy Cunningham. Both of them were part of the same sorority. 
Which led Eddie here. In front of the sorority house on his bike, his face both angry and determined. He swung his leg off his bike, heading up to the door to knock loudly, met with Chrissy Cunningham’s surprised expression. 
“Eddie, what are you-” 
Eddie pushed past her into the house carefully, turning to her. 
“We need to talk.” 
Chrissy blinked a bit before closing the door, sighing. “Okay…What about?,” She questioned, crossing her arms, eyebrows furrowed. 
“This,” Eddie said pointedly, shoving a phone in Chrissy’s face, the device already showing the account, Chrissy squinting to see the account and frowning. 
“What? Eddie, I don’t know what this is.” 
“Tammy made it. I have…sources… who connected it to her email. And I don’t take kindly to people mistreating my girl,” Eddie stated, his tone teetering on a growl. 
Chrissy frowned, eyebrows furrowed. She bit her lip and gestured for Eddie to follow her to the kitchen, sitting down at the table. 
“Let me call Tammy. We can talk this out,” Chrissy sighed, dialing away on her phone. 
Eddie sat there, leg shaking in the hyper feminized kitchen, a frown practically etched on his face as Taffy entered, her blue eyes widening and cheeks turning red as she saw Eddie. She was quick to fix her hair and smile, putting out a perfectly manicured hand for him to shake. 
“Eddie, right? I’m Tammy,” She said, tone bubbly as ever. 
Eddie nodded, not returning the handshake. He was trying to keep his cool, and not explode on this petite brunette. 
Chrissy cleared her throat. “Well, Tammy, it seems there has been an acc-” 
Eddie can’t take tiptoeing around the subject, so he interjects. “I found an account cyberbullying my girlfriend. Connected to your email. Care to explain?,” Eddie grinned sarcastically, lifting his brows. 
Tammy turned white as a ghost and started laughing, shaking her head. “I don’t…What? I don’t know-” 
Eddie laughed humorlessly and shook his head. “Don’t bullshit me. Fess up, Tammy,” He said her name like an insult, making her cheeks flush red. He stared at her, her eyes wide and her shoulders caving in under his gaze. Eddie counted almost 5 minutes before she finally gave in. 
“Fine! I made it. I was angry that Chrissy hooked up with you when I had a crush on you, and I wanted to make it look like she made the account,” She confessed, flustered and upset. 
Chrissy’s brow furrowed and she appeared hurt, mumbling to herself.
"You're the one who hacked my Instagram...I kept wondering why I couldn't log in and why my account seemed to be following more people."
Eddie's heart panged a little bit for the blonde, who despite her best intentions, had horrible friends and a tendency to be naive or absent minded. But he'd worry about it later. Eddie was too focused on Tammy. “Take. Down. The. Damn. Account,” He gritted out, every word making Tammy sink further into her chair as she nodded, appearing annoyed and embarrassed. 
“Fine, Fine! I will!” 
Eddie stood up and nodded at the two, heading to the door as he heard hushed arguing and felt waves of hurt come from the room. 
“You deserve better friends, Cunningham,” Eddie called out as he left, too focused on his mission. 
He had to get to you. 
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Eddie came into the building, making a beeline for your dorm. He knocked on your door frantically, hearing you scramble and run to the door, opening it a bit, just enough for you to poke your head out, your eyes rimmed red. Your brows furrowed as you looked up, a bit confused. 
“Eds? What’re you doing-” 
Eddie pushed himself inside the room, gentle but firm. You felt anxiety swirl in your belly at the disarrayed state of your room, the way you hadn’t had a good shower, stewing in your depression. Eddie’s stomach dropped as his heart ached. 
You had been going through this alone?
Eddie frowned, his voice soft. “Baby…why didn’t you tell me?”
You felt your lip begin to tremble as your eyes stung, the sensation alerting you of the oncoming tears. You swallowed, trying to calm your shaking. 
“I just…I didn’t want to bother you during finals, and honestly it wasn’t a big deal, I just-” 
You felt your voice tremble, your vision beginning to blur. You shook a bit, feeling Eddie embrace you. You smelled his green apple shampoo and body wash, his warm vanilla and spice cologne…all below a soft lingering scent of cigarettes. You melted into his arms, sighing, tears still flowing. 
Eddie sat you down on your bed, his heart squeezed at the sight of you so broken, and so lost. He kicked himself for not being able to see through your walls through text, and held you close. You sobbed into his shirt, shaking. Eddie rubbed your back, pressing his lips to your forehead, murmuring reassurances of ‘it’s okay’ and ‘i’ve got you’. 
When your tears had stopped flowing, Eddie continued to hold you, rubbing your back softly. He felt the urge to talk to you, so he let himself speak without thinking. 
“When I was in high school…I was extremely bullied. I was called a freak, viewed as an outcast. My mom had died and my dad was in prison. People knew Uncle Wayne and I lived in a trailer, and they didn’t let me live it down. When I came here, I thought I finally escaped it…Except… I didn’t. Jason was here. He was one of the people who bullied me extensively back home. He made my life a living hell. He posted shit about me, made flyers claiming I was a psychopath… it was…hell.” 
Eddie swallowed, avoiding your gaze, trying to continue despite the sour memories. 
“I was in a really dark place. I started doing harder drugs, drinking, and just…self harming any way I could. I was flunking, and lonely, as I was 20 years old and a freshman. I…I didn’t tell Steve about it. But he kind of…knew. And right as I was starting to get even worse, right as I considered ending it…Steve reached out. He supported me. He stood up for me while Jason was being a dick. And…a big part of me knows, if he never reached out…I wouldn’t be here.” 
Eddie's throat felt thick, his hands shaking as he looked down at you, your red rimmed eyes looking at him in sorrow and worry. He grabbed your face, leaning his head down to press his forehead against yours. 
“I don’t ever want you to feel that way, baby. Okay? I lo-, Eddie cuts himself off, swallowing, the word getting stuck in his throat. 
“I care about you.” 
You look up, sighing shakily and nodding, melting into his arms. 
“I care about you too. I’m sorry.” 
Eddie kissed you, trying to pour all of his feelings into the exchange, holding your face like you were fragile glass. He pulled away slowly, tugging you into his arms and just holding you that night, letting you melt into him. 
He’d tell you soon.
But for that night...he just would be there for you.
Taglist: @josephquinnsfreckles @corrodedcoffincumslut @kirisuteg0men @bebe07011 @amira0303 @vintagehellfire @lottie-90 @animechick555
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drawnfamiliarfaces · 3 months
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;3
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wildstar25 · 3 months
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G'raha looked so serious while he pleaded his case to venture into the World of Darkness with the Warrior of Light. The sudden conviction in his tone had Arsay at a loss for words. Still, she did not hesitate to meet his request with an accepting nod. He was an important friend and in the passing moons that they'd come to know each other, a strong fondness for him had taken hold of her. The prospect of helping G'raha find the truth behind his mysterious inheritance made Arsay's heart pound. It was the perfect venture for them to embark on. The first of many, she hoped. The two turned towards the impossibly tall spire that dared to pierce the heavens above. Arsay's resolve strengthened in its presence. When they next find themselves gazing at the tower -with their quest completed and the world no longer under threat of total destruction- she'll properly ask G'raha to be a companion in her travels. A grin crept its way onto her face as her gaze shifted to him. If Arsay could find it within herself to bare her heart to others so readily just as he does… perhaps their future adventures will find them together, hand in hand.
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thatrandombystander · 2 years
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Remember how Suzaku and Lelouch were such a power duo that the writers needed to do everything they could to stop them from teaming up, because the moment they did they successfully achieved world domination in like 2 episodes
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lemony-snickers · 7 months
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dear body: when I complained about being So Very Tired for no reason, what I meant was that I wanted to wake feeling rested after a long night’s sleep, not that I wanted you to wake me up at 2:30 am and keep me awake.
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vvitchering · 4 months
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What is it about being awake past 9 pm that summons The Horrors lately like damn
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hundredowls · 3 months
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silly oc doodle..... ballroom yuri
#ocs#ok so im gonna ramble/complain in the tags for a bit bc i love to complain its mostly not even gonna be relevant to the ocs but anyway ok#yknow that diagram abt art skills thats like ability to see/ability to draw#im at the BAD PART OF IT RN#i wanna draw fanart so bad but then i get annoyed bc the fanart doesnt look as good as the source material GHRG which is a totally#unreasonable thing to think bc source material is drawn by Professionals but you know how it is. Art Hard etc etc complain etc etc#need to do more studies etc etc#i wanna be able to draw really good so i can draw the things i love!!!!! even if its hard and tedious i wanna practise!!!! i love art!!!!!!#dont think about whats easy think about whats fun - bokuto koutarou etc#anyway everyday i am sad i have to sit in front of a desk for 8 hours instead of practising drawing :( i wanna table at a con this year....#but is there even time.....#ANYWAY this is somewhat relevant bc in an effort to be less hard on myself mayhaps i will try draw more oc things so i dont feel pressure#(self imposed)#to make it perfect kjskjkd#or at least not as much#and hopefully get over my brain's tendency to Compare Everything#i have like 3 vague sets of ocs (one less vague than the others ive posted one of the characters from that on my main art blog before sjdks#these two are from the next less vague set there is a plot premise and some side characters too. shdks#i thought abt them a couple months ago but then i watched strictly ballroom w sophie n i was reminded of them again#anyway im not good at coming up w fully fleshed out stories i just like to doodle ppl n think of random connected scenarios sometimes sdjk#i did a mini free online life drawing course in the break n i tried to apply what i learnt here.... i will keep practising when i can.....#well. if u read all the way to the end. hello :) KJASKA#im going to shower....
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theflyingfeeling · 6 months
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was supposed to write the advent calendar fics, ended up writing an extra scene for let me down slowly. woops. anyway! I hope you like it, it's Olli's POV, titled let go of my tears and you can read it on AO3 🖤
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paradife-loft · 11 months
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Knight Artorias continues to be one of my absolute favorite boss fights
"victim of the Abyss" is the sexiest description one can read on a soul in this entire game by far
decided midway through fighting him that I wanted to go for a no-healing kill, mostly to prolong the experience and see if I could, and: success!! I can and did!
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flickeringflame216 · 6 days
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and if all the people who told you one day it won't hurt all the time and there will be a sunny day and you will be able to notice how beautiful it is were right. what then.
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slippery-minghus · 5 months
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i want to paint, but autism is hungry and needs to be fed 8hrs of skyrim a day
#i'm trying to set up to paint bc i want to!! but every bone in my body says no#i'm gonna feel sad and disappointed in myself if i don't paint because i want to actually *do* something#and not spend this whole weekend having barely even scraped the surface of what i truly genuinely wanted to do#and instead just burn away the time looking at skyrim#i'm not even really having all that much fun playing it!!! but i can't break away from it#which isn't always a bad thing especially on week days but? on a long weekend where i want to enjoy myself??#and i can't because my brain won't let me??? not fun!!!#painting is so boring and understimulating and my brain is way too foggy right now to think about mixing colors and layering#(secretly i don't even want to paint i just want to feel satisfied at creating a thing!!) (my brain is too fried to hold a thought long#enough to do the physical action of painting! it sounds wayyyy too daunting and taxing right now!!)#but if i spend this whole weekend having sat on my ass doing nothing will i feel rested? no!!!#but if i spend all my energy doing A Hobby will i feel rested? also no!!! but then i'll at least have something to show for it#i'm riling myself up and i feel like i ALMOST could make myself paint right now#but as soon as i think of what it will feel like to sit here and focus and move my hands to do the painting my brain screams NO#and sure i can argue i'll feel better if i do it i'll be glad if i do it and it'll be easier once i start#but this isn't the walk i took yesterday (that i was glad i took but still felt like garbage after)#i WANTED to take a walk. i was just struggling with the level of exertion i could manage (walk my neighborhood or drive 30min to the park?)#my brain is latching on to 8hrs a day of skyrim bc that's all i have the energy for#work has been killing me#and it's so painfully bright in my apartment but i can't close the curtains bc i need all the sunlight i can get#i WANT to have the energy to paint and enjoy it but i just don't.... (but i feel like if i Give In to the exhaustion then i'm#no better than my mom who just sits around all day refusing to live her life bc she refuses to take care of herself.#and calls sitting perfectly still—instead of actuvely managing her condition—'not letting her disability win')#(so i don't want to be that. i don't want to waste away like my mom bemoaning how i Just Can't when i totally can!!!#i could push through this exhaustion and hype myself up but the only thing i'm going to be thinking about is Am I Done Yet? Can I Rest Now?)#and i can't convince myself that 'just paint for 30min' is worth it bc mixing paint and setting up is Just So Much#enough that 'just 30min' is a lie and not a legitimate out if i need it to be#i need to commit or not do it. and i just can't......... my eyes hurt and i'm tured and i just wanna play my game#and all this indecision and feeling like i'm wasting time is just making me want to cry. im gonna close the curtains and boot up the xbox;(#personal
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girlwithfish · 24 days
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idk i hate thinking abt childhood and then also like 18-20 and then also 20-22 . so all of my life :)
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skunkg1rll · 25 days
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i cant stop thinking abt him... have been doing that all daynd i feel so sad nd my heart hurtsso bad nd i long for him sm it's just a bad day :((
#it's bc i saw that he#uploaded his background which was just nothing. and said that he feels empty#and a couple of months ago before i ruined it all#he said that he had me as his background#so now i feel so fkn sad#i dont know why im like this but i feel so crazy about him i wanna die#i think about him constantly and i'venever ever wanted to be with or know someone this badly#and to know that he sees me as a disappointment... and not good enough for him... and that he doesnt love me enough to wanna fix it#or even have a 'it' with me#hurts so bad#so now im just in an awful headspace...#i hate myself so much#i wish i could go back and not do what i did#i did it bc i thought it'd bring me closer to him#but i was wrong and i didnt understand that until now#and instead it caused him to think im not what he thought i was or what he wants me to be#and no matter how much i try to explain i realize thatonly i understand#bcmy brains broken and no one could ever understand why i do what i do#i am alone. always and forever i will never know closeness or intimacy#the thing is thatbefore i met him i was fine w that#i kinda longed for it but i had resigned myself to a life without it#then i met him nd it felt real nd like it could bereal for me#plus i genuinely like him sm i feel sm for him so i desperately want it w him#but then..... it turned out that im not good enough for him#it just rlly hurts that the ONLY time i've ever wanted someone#and it started w them wanting me back#who i am was a disappointment nd i fucked it up bc of a misunderstanding#that i cant clear up bc i cant make anyone understand my fucked up broken reasoning#i will bealone forever and i just wanna die
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pepperpixel · 10 months
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More!!!! More!!!!! More bird art!!!!! So much fucking bird art!!!! I actually had variants of those chibi pics I wanted to post as well that I actually can’t because I have!! too much bird art!!!! And, a lot of these are actually pretty old tbh? I just never got around to fully finishing them. I have now tho! So yeah!!! Finally! I can post birds!!
#aphr#ares#ocs#original character#original characters#doodles#ghasts ocs#the alternate vers of the chibis were just gonna be them without all the filters and stuff. and I might still post those to my twitter!#we shall see#but yes!! have birds!#first pic actually aphr is not a bird… it’s her like humanized.. still a wings tho ghgh-#at the time of drawing these I was v happy cuz I felt I was finally getting the hang of drawing ares#but it’s been a few months now and I can confirm my brain has immediately LOST the hang of it gghg-#he looks so nice here…. why can’t I draw him looking nice… I could before what happened ghgh-#my fave pic in this photoset is probs the last one..#I feel a lil sad that the leash aphr is holding is kinda crooked ghgh. she’s supposed to be holding it taught. so it should be straight#but!!! other then that one thing. I love that pic. I think it’s very cool… the pose. there expressions. the collars#the fact that they’re BOTH wearing collars and holding each others leashes. because they’re BOTH manipulating each other#the way that ares is staring transfixed at aphr. like in awe. while she instead looks coyly to the audience#aphr needing more than just ares. needing everyone’s love. while she’s obsessed with just having hers… it’s GOOD. IM PROUD OF THAT PIC#I had a concept and I think I executed it well and it conveys there shit good ghgh-#ok anyway… I hope u all like the art lol#*while HES obsessed w just having hers#it’s like 8 am as I’m writing these tags ghghg my brain fucked up sorry lol#also.. for the chibi aphr pic. I’ve changed my mind on simplifying her red chest feathers as a heart shape..#I actually think a diamond shape would work a lot better!#ok anyway!!! enjoy fucked up codependent birds!!
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findusinaweek · 1 year
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watching playthrough of Amphipolis and Brasidas’ death for.... research....reasons....and whoever played this had Alexios and Brasidas at odds with each other. Arguing about loyalty before the battle. I cannot see this as them not just fighting about loyalty to Sparta, but some slight between each other. I want to shove them in a room and give them the time to talk things out.
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defiant-firefly · 8 months
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Wait if I'm nonbinary/genderqueer and the words don't taste good to me, despite the fact they match me and I identity as them, what if I just start using the word trans because that doesn't have that weird feeling when I say it
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