#and my brain..my heart..is failing me

[ruporas]

only human

[ID: Two page comic in color of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. The first page has a black background and the upper half, behind the panels, is splattered with stylized red blood, scattered bullets, and lifeless hands. In the first panel, it focuses on Vash's boots, showing him stepping through the panel and into the bloody scene. The second panel shows his bloody footprints and the third panel shows his face, his down-turned eyes looking downwards. It's a neutral, vague expression with confliction. At the bottom of the page, the back of Wolfwood's head and shoulder is seen, blood dirtying the white color of his shirt and side of his face. Vash's hand reaches out to him from the right side of the page.

The second page shows the entire scene in full, half the page in light and the other in solid black. At the center, Vash leans down onto his knees as he wraps his arms around Wolfwood's shoulders into a hug. Wolfwood's back is turned away from the viewer, his left arm holds onto his bloodied punisher and his right hand sits on his lap. Light casts from the left side of the page, showing the bloodied surrounding, but the held up punisher casts a shadow on the both of them, shielding them from the light. END ID]

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #tw blood #<-- should i add that to the original post... if it's effective? #anyway this was a direct sequel to the previous post... i had a lot of thoughts when i drew it but my brain is failing me rn #something something about being granted that bit of mundanity and then running into some situation that whiplashes u back into the identity #u were built and trained to be. that at the end of the day its not possible to just be without dirtying your hands again #he's used to it but ww will forever be someone too kind too tender hearted to really be eased out of the cold lifestyle he's forced to live #and i personally dont think trimax vash could look at wolfwood with disdain or disappointment when catching him after the fact #he knows where wolfwood's heart lies he's seen the way wolfwood killed to protect and he thanked him for it too. i think him understanding #ww deeper in that way would just make his heart wretch so all he can offer is a comfort and arms to return to. #to reassure that he can still be loved even with the blood on his hands #i also think i drew an illustration when i first got into trigun depicting this same ish message.... #i'm just very particular about this Subject. i need ww to be loved i need him to be reassured even if he'll still refuse to believe he's #worthy of it like AUGHHH. ok. #ruporas art

[pinksilvace]

Some eternally unfinished painting practice with a sketch from a few weeks back that accidentally turned into a fabric study

#my art #fernart #this one goes out to varja for reminding me how much I missed drawing that old man #this was fun. it's been a while since I've tried painting with this particular process #don't think I'll be maintagging this one. however: #philip wittebane #I've been staring at this for too long. hopefully the colors still look okay in the morning lol #FABRIC STUDY I say as if there was any reference used. oh my dear brain don't fail me now #yes stuff disappears yes some lighting is off it's fine it's whatever #know that in my heart of hearts if I ever finished this he'd be much wrinklier

[lunarharp]

qifrey's birthday and silly stuff

#witch hat tag #orufrey #excerpt is from my 30k failing eye fic (link in pinned) which has a birthday scene. i revisited and edited it again and it is now 30k :) #kerplunk thing is because of a mysterious game that shirahama has drawn orufrey playing before and to me it looks like Kerplunk. #a kids' game from this 'Real World' which we live in. card game is Cheat from neopets. but it's a real game. i want to play it for real.... #you lie and cheat in it..hence the name..and 'branston the eyrie you are a bold one' classic neopets tumblr post...no....ok then..... #'hey qif i know we're obsessed with witches' kerplunk but we used to play cheat all the time what happened to that??' #'oh. i just..don't like lying to you. i don't like how it feels.' 'oh haha i guess that's a good thing. ok let's play kerplunk instead ^_^' #'mm. *dying inside crying in the rain in my soul*' #i dislike trying to illustrate my writing. i resent myself for having described oru's captivating mysterious smile so perfectly #i can't draw that. i know what it looks like perfectly in my mind and i am right there on that roof but i can't draw it satisfyingly enough #writing comes from a different part of my brain. there's different things in there. i'm glad i wrote out some of what i can't draw. #then there are things that i don't write or draw but which are still a crucial ongoing facet of my orufrey mindscape. #the Written orufrey the Drawn orufrey and the Unspoken orufrey... three faces of a beautiful irreplaceable jewel in my heart... #could a depressed person do THAT.

[littencloud9]

kunichuu is SO marina coded btw

#bsd #kunichuu #they say im a control freak driven by a greed to suceed #one track mind one track heart if i fail ill fall apart #<- knkd songs #i am not my body not my mind not my brain. not my thoughts or feelings i am not my DNA #instead of being 16 and burning up a bible feeling super super super suicidal. the wasted years the wasted youth #<- chuuya songs #and ofc bbg bitch is the kunichuu anthem to me #and also primadonna #AND BUY THE STARS

[hauntingblue]

I have connected two dots... yamato kaido and momo (and kinda shirahoshi with her top) have clouds above their shoulders... and luffy in gear fourth has them also.... I can see the signs

#momo must be so emotionally confused omg poor child. this guy says he is my father and treats me like his son and also this samurai who has #been acting like my father just died. and now i turned 28 and a dragon and i need to save this island or my shougnate will die. jesus #FUCKING ROB RUCCI!!! I SURE HOPE NOT ONE STRAY ATTACK REACHES THE ROOM FULL OF CP0 AGENTS!!! #now the government is going to invade wano AND TAKE ROBIN!!!!! ROB LUCCI DIEEEE!!!!! AND YOU WILL FAIL AGAIN!!! #now how tf did the heart pirates get there... who can fly on there or did they just tag along on momos tail #the dinosaur head snake???? hello?? qjdhakshsk and it worked.... sanji... 'thats what a brachiosaurus is!' well i do not think so.... #wtf sanji.... so much of that wiggly dance he does with the heart eyes has brought him here... #talking tag #watching one piece #episode 1053 #poor killer man.... why doesnt he cut off the arm kid doesnt have... that should do it right??? #jesus.... goodbye kid and law.... hawkins just hitting his head to a wall.... CUT OFF HIS ARM!!! oh no..... another self sacrificing mate.. #YEAAHHH THE ARM!!!!! is he gonna take it and give it to kid akdjsksj OH HE TOOK THE STRAW DOLL!!! killer your brain is so huge.. #the death card looking JUST like killer.... that was such a slay... they had this one thought out for a while..... #THE MUSIC!!! GOODBYE HAWKINS!!! KILLER OUTSERVED!!!! whats with the cutting of arms this arc.... kid now its your turn to slay (big mom) #episode 1054 #sanji having an existential crisis and queen just: WELCOME TO THIS MOMSTER WORLD #having issues with his body transforming doesnt help with the transfem allegations #APOO IS STILL ALIVE???? CUT OFF HIS HEAD!!!! #i was gonna say KINEMON!!! BUT I KNOW ITS THAT FUCKING KANJURO!!!!!! nami drawing the moon on his asscheek akdjsksj #KIKU AND KINEMON ARE ALIVE??? I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS THIS IS A TRAP!!! DON'T GIVE ME HOPE!!! #NOOOOOO THE CP0 IS IN ACTION TOO NOOOOOOOOO #they are breathing.... omg.... kiku..... ORICHI DIEEEE!!!!! i knew this couldn't end like this for her... i have been completely bamboozled #kinemon appearing like the first time... just legs.... amazing #how does big mom ikoku inside the castle are we insane... yamato can you like bite off kanjuros head off or smth... finish him off PLEASE #why do they have steel beams in kaido's castle. everything else is wood and stone. who designed this. #bepo being in law's mid episode animation akdjaksns.... thats really his beffo (bff) bepo #big mom being crushed by some beams doesn't sound right... kid should turn into magneto and start bloodbending... or repel her into the sea #episode 1055 #episode 1056

[elegyofthemoon]

well. i finished ch 17 of hi3. but at what cost

#avil plays hi3 #tbf majority of me playing through hi3 just looks like This. #yes the acheron trailer made me get up and finish ch 17 #i. :( #the fight between kiana and mei was so painful :( #ok also i suck ass in the combat and i was so scared of having to restart #BUT I THINK I HURT MORE THE FACT THAT KIANA JUST REFUSED TO GIVE UP ON MEI #BUT MEIS ALSO DOING THIS BECAUSE SHES TRYING TO SAVE KIANA #AND THEY WERE BOTH FIGHTING TO STOP AND TRY TO SAVE EACH OTHER #MEI YOU SAVED KIANA BUT LIKE..... DONT YOU WANT TO LIVE ALONGSIDE HER.... MEI PLEASE #tbh. the way i was going through ch 17 for hi3. #kiana and mei remind me a lot of oz and gil's relationship back in pandora hearts but #now it makes me want to hit my head on a brick wall because #'wow. i really just gravitate tO THE SAME FUCKING MEDIA EVERY DAMN TIME AVIL STOP IT FFS' #also idk i was thinking about it too #mei tried earlier to use the herrschers powers to try and protect kiana but it wasnt enough. she failed that time #and with no other option to save her she just HAD to and it makes me HURT that this was her only option #IN HER HEAD. I BELIEVE IN YOU MEI I THINK THERE COULDVE BEEN ANOTHER OPTION HERE (IDK WHAT BUT I AM SOBBING) #sprawls on the ground #at least i can have an emotional break for a little bit.... hsr update so i can chill w that #and then when i finish catching up w that. then i go back to being hi3's punching bag #can i get off this train now? why'd i sign myself up for this (welt yang doomed me and then i got fucked over by everything else) #idk also the way that both mei AND kiana resorted to using their herrscher powers to stop the other. two stubborn people.... #but its done because they just... they just care so much and want to save the other #okay yeah we did beat each other up about it bUT STILL #MEI I BELIEVE IN YOU YOU CAN TURN THIS AROUND 😭😭😭😭😭 #anyways. glad i did. i have the worst stomach ache rn so i was Going through it #but my brain hit a reset so i feel normal now. save for the crying

[talentforlying]

the mermaid: do you think ever really loved me? constantine: ah, now. listen, you can go back and forth about what's genuine, what's lies. none of it matters. you take it from me ... all love's magic. and all magic has a price.

behold: a guy who has been so starved of affection and approval and visible love his whole life that he takes whatever he can get when the opportunity presents itself to be loved, regardless of what it will cost him. who loves unapologetically and hard and without regret, regardless of whether it's good for him.

#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS. #i've resorted to analyzing the 2019 run to keep my sanity bc this latest issue made me BERSERK #but i think about this panel all the fucking time #i know i have true detective on the brain but i do feel like john's an optimist/romantic much in the way that rust cohle is #with a deep & painful knowledge of self and an understanding that he will inevitably close his eyes to that self if it means being loved #knowing that there is enough to love in the world to make loving worth the risk. even if you Are one of the risks #i just think. empathy and compassion in situations where you have every right to be hard and cold instead is at the heart of hellblazer #and we see some of that again in this latest issue #and yes he can be selfish and a bastard and cruel. but he tries to choose not to be and the trying is the point. #sometimes he'll fail. sometimes he won't. it's the TRYING. it's the trying even when you're scared to #am i being normal today? probably not #( character study. ) A WALKING PLAGUE OF A MAN.

[captainswan618]

it feels weird to identify so strongly with a song that's ostensibly about Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. but like...if they didn't want neurodivergent people to identify with it they shouldn't have written this FUCKING CHORUS

I want a new brain, I want a new heart I'm sick of feeling, failing, and falling apart I want the courage to make a new start Time after time, I flip from fine to failing and falling apart

#like i AM sick of feeling failing and falling apart actually. #i DO want a new brain and a new heart. fuck #it just. the executive dysfunction leading to failing at things. the emotional dysregulation. the rsd. the INCONSISTENCY of it all. yeah #fuckin...summed up my experience with adhd. in a song about feeling like you're going crazy after returning from a fantastical realm. #rude #I just found this song like. last night. but it is DOING things to me #music #i fight dragons #canon eyes #a new brain #captainswan618 talks too much #Spotify

[dirgeforthedead]

" Look at me, My Dearest. "

You told her she could do anything and, for you, all she wanted to do... was be kind.

" I tolerated Orin. But I liked you. "

" I think... I always liked you, too. "

@dirgeforthedead & @banefulbenevolence

#|| ' for what i have done and failed to do — i am sorry . ' || { about // dirge } #|| one man's monster is another's beloved ; the wise know that || { dirge & enver // banefulbenevolence } #|| ' he is my heart ; i did not have one before him ' || { re ; enver // banefulbenevolence } #|| ' forgive me father ; for i cannot help but admire the chosen of your sworn foe … ' || { re ; enver gortash } #|| could be something or nothing || { my art } #|| out of control || { ooc } #// Just a compilation of Them™️ brought over from my art blog #// Because they are living in my brain 24/7 #// Especially after Patch 6 #// They are so SOF but only for each other and I LOVE #// Will I ever clean up and pretty up any of these? #// At this point #// I think my art style is just 'Messy Sketches' 😂

[nemo-legrande]

#housamo #tokyo afterschool summoners #housamo heracles #let me tell ya #when i stumbled upon this #my heart stopped and almost failed to beat again #this is so fucking cute #i'll die to protect heracles' smile #this fully rewired my brain ngl

[chiropteracupola]

Sutcliffian scribblings in 'Steady Steady' + 'Wanderlust'; Eagle lads if you've met them yet or Frontier Wolf fellows if you haven't!

'a wolf amid the dog-pack'

#em draws stuff #the eagle of the ninth #slightly belated summer of sutcliff #HI I know this isn't precisely who you asked for but I have spent the last several weeks Trying And Failing My Best #at drawing marcus and esca and alexios #just can't make their faces look right which is terrible because I love them very dearly and need to art about it #so today you get what you get and what you get is guern #in my heart he is also a lad #also couldn't decide on one of the two palettes so I used Both! #this was a very nice and relaxing drawing to my surprise #just about half an hour of painting all on one layer... very much not my norm but pleasant all the same! #aaaaaaanyway I read some fun discussion recently about the line I've paraphrased here and oh how the brain goes brrrr #thank you for this one because painting it legitimately did help me resettle inside my skin a little bit #had an incident yesterday where I was made to question if I have every made any legitimately Meaningful Art ever in my life #and after a bit of reckoning the answer to that is No #but that doesn't have to be what I'm doing right now and sometimes you can just paint some dogs and be okay #and that is what I will do for the time being

[perelka-l]

Hokage and his bodyguard uwu

#shimura danzou #shimura danzo #Uchiha Shisui #Danshisu #Sometimes I thinj about Shisui being taller than danzo and my Brain goes hdjsjdhd #Also fifth hokage of my heart uwu #watch me and my fail art #Yeee #Also I am slowly getting better and gouaches yeee

[laesas]

Reading VegasPete as a br*tish person is Something Else. Vegas will say some shit like "You're so good to me, pet" and it's meant to be sweet or sexy but without fail I will immediately hear it spoken in the voice of a kindly yorkshirewoman

#vegaspete #vegas theerapanyakul #pete saengtham #kinnporsche the series #listen #absolutely not a criticism its just the funniest most jarring experience 😂 #pet as a nickname does NOT translate across the atlantic 😂😂😂 #i had a motherly su-chef at my first job that called everyone pet or petal or flower and it warmed my heart every time lol #but its very funny when my brain reads all the dialogue in something similar to bibles voice but sees 'pet' and switches without fail #anyway please someone tell me that I am at least not alone in this 😂

[anonbinaryweirdo]

my tummy feels really upset this isnt so pinkalicious and peterrific

#im gonna sobbb take me homee #dont listen what your girlfriend says #she reads those magazines #that say you fail the test #you dont have what she needs #i slither like a viper #and get you by the neck #i know a thousand ways to help you forget about herr #that bitch can eat her heart outtttt #looooovee biiiiiites but so do iiii #so do iiiiiiii #sorry halestorm is in my brain #oli rambles

[simuran]

Aaaaand we back again into the "well if I don't pass this exam I can always kill myself ig" territory :/

Twice a year like a clock, not even moving to a country where you don't get expelled for failing changes anything 🙄🙄🙄

#Like obvsly I'm not gonna do anything I have enough failed exams under my belt to say that for sure #It's just something that my brain keeps throwing at me #At this point I'm not even mad I'm just disappointed #WHY BRAIN WHY #Posts by me #studying #orcaless #It's the unwillingless to imagine that all the preparations will have to be done again ig. In my heart of hearts I am very lazy hahah

[mt07131]

Get a d&d group that will treat you this well <33333 @sparrow-in-boots @cerbin-aen-feainn love u smooches besties

#I am. Inconsolable #these two without fail absolutely come for my heart and just YANK it out of my chest #blorbos from our brains fucking STABBING me