#and my grades sure as hell wont be improving
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This is probably one of my favorite chapters from my Draco Smut I’m writing. :))
I love the sound of the crunchy leaves under my feet. It's too bad it's been raining all day and those crunchy leaves have quickly turned into mush for slugs to hide under. I don't mind though. I love rain on Sunday mornings.
I'm on my way into the village to meet Harry, Hermione, Ron and Neville. Miss.Longbottom will be out of town this Halloween and of course Neville decided to throw another party. I'm meeting them to pick out costumes. I have my mind set on just getting vampire teeth and leaving it at that.
As I approach the seasonal store I see my friends laughing together. Harry is the first to wave at me. We've grown closer to each other as the days go on, being forced to only talk to each other in swim on the days that Neville was sick.
"Maisie, what’s your opinion on Neville being a cactus for Halloween." Harry says pushing me along into the group. Neville rolls his eyes at Harry and pouts.
"Luna is going to be a Oxalis triangularis. It's a matching costume." Neville states.
"Neville for the last time: you're the only one who knows with the hell that is." Ron says. Neville turns to the store door and swings it open letting the rest of the group inside.
"You'll get it on Friday when we win best costume at school and you're stuck in your bloody rat costume." Neville snaps.
"My mums making my costume." Ron mumbles. Everyone laughs as we pour into the shop going our separate ways. Hermione and I head to the women's costumes.
"What are you thinking ‘Mione?" I say rustling through a couple of costumes. Seeing all of the different costumes makes me want to reevaluate my vampire teeth plan. But I hate to spend money, especially with application season approaching. I've decided that Trinity is the school I want to go and that's going to take most of my savings for the next five years.
"Maybe I'll be Cormac's grades, that's scary enough." She huffs. " You know Neville asked him to come Friday."
I laugh at Hermione who's so flustered her face turns crimson.
"How's it going with Malfoy? You never really talk about it." Hermione adds. I bite the inside of my lips and try not the look her in the face. When it comes to tutoring Draco it's going great. His grades in English have improved drastically compared to last years. He doesn't have one missing assignment and his book is coming along, though it's as boring as can be. But in the other sense of what happened physically between Draco and me, we both agreed to start meeting in public spaces like the library after school. We didn't really discuss the whole make out session but surely chalked up as being high. I also blame the rain and the Bauhaus album in the background.
I shrug at Hermione. " He's smarter than one might think."
Hermione picks up and pointy hat from the top shelf and places it on her head. "Maybe I'll be a witch?" She says looking into the mirror.
"I'm starving" Ron grumbles. Ron and I waiting outside the sweets shop for rest of the group while Neville ordered jelly filled brains in bulk for Friday. I swears they're the best thing he's ever eaten.
"We're going to the pub right after this Ron." I say.
"Yeah, a shit pub." He adds.
"Why does it matter. You eat off the kids menus anyway..." I mutter. Ron laughs and looks up at me again. His smile fades into a serious stare.
"I think we should talk about the last Neville party..." Ron says. "You know, after our...uh, kiss. You ran off after and I just don't want to mess anything up. We were just starting to become friends and then I asked if you wanted to go in private....it was inappropriate. I'm just really sorry."
"Ron, I'm okay. It's okay." I say smiling. Suddenly from across the way theres a familiar loud high pitched laugh. It's Pansy Parkinson alone with Draco.
Though I try not to, I see Draco in a different way now. When I see him in the halls, I stare. Just hoping he'd do the same. Sometimes he does the same. I catch him at lunch staring at me and when I do he looks away almost immediately. When we have our tutoring sessions I'll look up from my books and see him staring and not just at my breast. Sometimes he stares at my thighs and at my neck, but mostly at my lips and eyes.
Pansy let's out another annoying squeal.
"You know, he's not that funny." I say to Ron as Pansy and Draco disappears into a bakery. "You know what... I'm in the mood for a lemon sponge." Before Ron can answer I'm pulling him across the street, into the small bakery. Draco and Pansy turns to look at us and I feel my face turns hot. What the hell was I thinking...what's my next move...think dammit.
"Look Draco its Fire Crotch and big-tits-magee" pansy squeals.
"Please Parkinson your laugh is far too annoying for this small space." Draco cringes. Pansy's face drops as she rolls her eyes. Draco searches my face before finding my eyes. He softens his face a little before looking at Ron and then back at me. His face nearly becomes stone. "Is it cold in here or are you just happy to see me Maisie?"
"Don't talk to her like that." Ron says. "Have some fucking respect Malfoy"
Draco looks over at me and smiles then back at Ron. "Who are you Weasley? Her fucking bodyguard? Oh, or are you her boyfriend?" Draco quips. Ron walks up trying to size up Draco but Ron's stature doesn't stand a chance to Draco's.
"You sound a little jealous Draco..." Ron jabbed.
"Oh, trust me, Weasley I have nothing to be jealous of." Spits Draco. Pansy grabs her treat off the counter and snakes her arm with Draco's. "See you Thursday night Maisie. How about we meet at my house this time." Draco smiles at Ron before pushing passed him and exiting the bakery.
"You don't have to take that Maisie.." Ron scoffs. "We can go straight to Snape and-"
"-Please Ron leave it!" I beg.
"What can I get for you?" The boy behind the counter ask.
I dig into my pocket to pull out my wallet. "Two lemon sponges please"
#draco smut#draco x reader#draco fanfiction#draco malfoy#draco#draco x y/n#harry potter#draco malfoy smut#draco lucius malfoy#slytherin#hogwarts#hp fandom
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2023 reflection (thank god its over)
A year finishes and another comes right around the corner, eh? No but seriously, 2023 was not a good year overall. I mean, sure, there were some wins here and there which im happy about but the circustances i found myself under throughout this year was just not it. I will say this tho: i am really proud of myself for surviving this hell of a year when i at many points in time didnt think i would. Its been a year where ive spent my times worrying, stressing, and feeling lonely in the hell place 2.0, but also a year of improvement where ive gone to college and met so many new lovely people. Its been a year of letting people who arent good for me go (and sure, i can get better at this) as well as reflecting and learning from past mistakes. Some wins from this year include: surviving hell place 2.0, getting into the college and courses I wanted, passing CAP 1s (plus, getting pretty decent grades as a starting point), and most recently; getting selected for a program and a free trip to Poland.
2024 is going to be one of the most important years of my life. This is the year that decides what uni I go to, and you better bet your last dollar ill be going to a damn good one! Im going to work my ass of like no tomorrow to make sure i get what i want. I havent done all ive done, and lost all ive lost, for nothing. Ill make every last sacrifice count. 2024 is the year I stop worrying about boys or drama. It doesnt serve me, and sure as hell wont give me the results I need for uni. Work hard now, play harder later. Im only here for less than two years before leaving, so the grades I leave with is what counts. Effort, self-improvement and Hope are the words which will describe 2024.
Happy new years! I look forward to updating you <3
Pssttt! I totally forgot to say this, but you remember those 2023 goals? yeah no, they didnt happen. Except for maybe the books (i read 35!) and the nails (at some point).
My 2024 goals are:
-Read at least 35 books, gain weight, clear my skin, study every chance I get (at least 3 hours a day), get a minimum of 1520 on my SAT, get predicted (minimum) A*A*A, workout once a week, and drink 2L of water a day.
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Head Canons: Jealous of their dance partner
Pairings: Akaashi x reader, Bokuto x reader, Kuroo x reader, Kenma x reader, Atsumu x reader, Oikawa x reader, Iwaizumi x reader
Fluff
A/N: So sorry that this is so late! I’ve never done headcanons before so i was really nervous to do these. I hope they meet your expectations! Some were really fun to do and others were a bit challenging because I didn’t want them to be similar to each other. I tried to keep each person’s unique. Also changed the prompt just a little! Maybe if this does well, I’ll do more headcanons? i’m not sure! Enjoy and happy reading!
Akaashi
Would be calm and collected on the outside but lets be honest, he’d be RAGING on the inside
I don’t know why, but his s/o doing ballet
So when he picks you up from practice one day, he sneaks a peak at your upcoming showcase performance
But… who the hell is this guy next to you?
And why is he touching your waist like that?!
Akaashi would be standing by the doorway, with his hands crossed, eyebrow twitching in annoyance
When practice is over, you skip into his arms
Of course you earn a loving smile in return but when your partner passes, best believe this boy is glaring at said man
Performance day comes and I can just imagine him snatching the best seats in house with a bouquet of your favorite flowers in hand
When you come on stage, you have his full attention
His eyes are shimmering with admiration and pride for you
But is quickly replaced with a scowl when he sees your partner
Cue twitching eyebrow
But OOF does this performance require close contact and almost kissing
Wtf, Akaashi doesn’t remember this when he watched your practice?!
Despite how monotone his expression is all the time, you can tell when somethings bothering him
So when you greet him after your performance, you see it right away that hes bothered by something and you already know why
“baaaabe, you know its not like that! It’s only dancing, nothing more” you reassured him
And he knows that
But that doesn’t stop him from staring down your partner as he passes
Bokuto
You already KNOW this man gets jealous and he shows it
That sad puppy face, those droopy eyes, and his deflated hair
Its cute but also sad at the same time
He wouldn’t know about your routine until the day of the performance because he wanted to be surprised
But as soon as he saw how close you and your partner had to be
His smile went from 😊 to 😐in a split second
I can already hear his friends laughing at him in the background
What’s even worse to him
Its not even that your close to your partner
Nope
It’s the fact that you look like your enjoying it
Hes squinting hard because did he see that right?
Hes so deep in his jealousy that he doesn’t even realize that youre only doing it to look believable to save your grade
You all know those type of teachers
When youre done with your performance, you go to find your boyfriend in the sea of people
You cant help but stifle a chuckle when you see his looking down
Youre fixing his hair, as one would do
But as soon as your dance partner comes into view, hes pulling you into his arms and you best believe you are staying there
Hes wants to make it crystal clear that you are taken
Youd have to spend the rest of the day cheering him up because his mind always goes back to your routine
Kuroo
Ahhhh this man
I am in love with this man
This man is the most supportive boyfriend
Right when you get on stage, he is screaming and I mean S C R E A M I N G your name
Everyone in the audience looks at him like
Who the fuck invited this man
He is so hype during your performance and is so proud of how much you improved throughout the semester
Everything is fine and dandy until he sees your dance partner pull you close to him and your faces almost touch
His heart dropped to his stomach
Like ouch
He wasn’t expecting that
hes the only one that’s allowed to have you that close but seeing that someone else that he doesn’t even know if basically flirting with you on stage in front of everyone has him seething
and he goes through the different stages of denial
the initial denial
like was that really you or did he mix you up with some other dancer
then hes basically ripping his hair out
and finally just sits there like, what is life?
Hes sulky, almost like Bokuto
Youre waiting for him to come pick you up but Kuroo takes a little detour to the mens dressing room
Remember that scene where Kuroo gets upset that they insulted his height and there was fire in the background?
Same energy
Hes letting your dance partner know that he is your boyfriend and if he ever touches you like that again, the only he’ll be touching is the ground when he crumbles him to pieces
And he’s bragging at how much of a better dance he is and could replace him as your dance partner if he really wanted to
…He cant fucking dance…
Empty threats but your dance partner doesn’t know that
He’s trembling in his shoes when Kuroo goes to congratulate you
Then its back home and he showing you who you belong to *wink wink*
Kenma
It takes a lot for you to get Kenma to come out to your debut showcase
Dancing isn’t his thing, but really, what is?
Your heart flutters as you peak behind the curtain and you see Kenma, all dressed up with a single flower in his hands, sitting straight dab in the middle
Of course Kuroo is with him because he needs someone to help him get out of his comfort zone
Kenma isn’t too impressed with the performance so far (only because you haven’t shown up yet)
When you do appear on stage, he is absolutely mesmerized
He never knew you could dance so well. If he knew, maybe he’d sneak at you more often
The moment male counterparts entered the stage, he already knew this something was fishy
In his mind, thoughts are racing 100000000x a second
Are they just backup dancers?
Why are they coming towards you?
Are you going to dance with them?
Who is that guy?
And as soon as one of the guys brings you close to him, Kenma is as stiff as a board
You know how a cat is when they get scared? That’s Kenma in his seat
Kuroo notices it right away and smirks
This is the first time he’s seen Kenma feel jealous, or feel any other emotion
When you ask Kenma what he thought of the performance, he was shy at first
Like, you did good. You were very pretty
Although small, you appreciated his compliments because it was hard to get them out of him
He’s shy at first, but then he’s quick to give his judgements about your dance partner
As if he couldn’t stop, he was complaining all night long that there should never be a man that close to you that’s not him
Atsumu
Not the jealous type
Sorry, but I just don’t see it
But you know what I do see?
That he likes to show you off
He’ll go to all of your dance practices and all of your performances because we love a supportive boyfriend
Even when he has volleyball practices, he’s going straight to your practice right after
And lets be honest, hes looking at your ass more than he is watching out for other guys
Hes confident about your relationship and that you wont leave him
Hes in the crowd screaming like Kuroo
YEAH THAT’S MY BABY!
THAT’S MY GIRLFRIEND WITH THE BIG ASS
Omg how embarrassing!!!!
Gosh, you could hear him from the stage and it took everything in your power to not laugh
After the show, you jump into his arms because awwww!
Hes complimenting the dance and how well you did
Hes giving out all these compliments to your other dance mates
But when it came to your male dance partner
He literally shoves his face out of the way like hes not even there
Like his massive hand just covers his entire face and is like nope, you’re not even there to me
Fine maybe he is a little jealous
Oikawa
Being the jealous type, he already knew everything about this little duet you were doing
Who your partner was
What class they were in
Does this person have a partner?
When were you were having practice?
Who else was going to be there? Because he sure as hell will make sure he’s there if its just you two
How close were you two getting?
Only because he forced you to tell him
He’s monitored your dance so well that he’s sure he could copy it
No he cant
Yeah it’s a little much, but hes the protective type! Hes just making sure that you’re safe and that your partner doesn’t try anything on you
But no matter how many times hes seen the dance
No matter how many times he knows that it means nothing
And no matter how much he braces himself for that part
A part of his stomach just tenses up
Its frustrating to see his s/o be that close to someone who isn’t him. And he cant help but be jealous, who wouldn’t?
Your expression, your dance moves, the emotion you put into the dance – they were all so convincing. If no one knew you had a boyfriend, they would all think that you and your dance partner would be dating
He cant have that
After the showcase, he makes it really known that you are already taken
Given his extra ass, he’d be exaggerating soooo much and youd just roll your eyes at him
Iwaizumi
Jokes on you, he IS your dance partner
Yeah, he’s got other hobbies other than volleyball
And don’t’ judge! Dance is good for flexibility
Anyway
If your team needs any couple dances, its you and Iwa-chan
Buuuuut
There are times when your team separates you two
And when that happens, best BELIEVE he’s keeping an eye out
During practice, he’s always side glancing and huffs whenever you two laugh together
When your dance teacher suggests you and your partner do something a little sexual, Iwa sit here to immediately stop it
If you had to do anything of the sorts, you were doing it with him
NO IFS OR BUTS
Your teacher wouldn’t be too happy that he is ruining their vision
But he promises that you two will practice extra hard for those parts to make it perfect
Gulp
#haikyuu imagine#haikyuu headcanons#akaashi keji x reader#akaashi imagine#akaashi headcanons#bokuto x reader#bokuto imagine#bokuto headcanons#kuroo x reader#kuroo imagine#kuroo headcanons#kenma x reader#kenma imagine#kenma headcanons#atsumu x reader#atsumu imagine#atsumu headcanons#oikawa x reader#oikawa imagine#oikawa headcanons#iwaizumi x reader#iwaizumi imagine#iwaizumi headcanons
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Devenford Prep Part 35
A/N: Back by somewhat popular demand I give you an update for my Brett Talbot Devenford Prep series. I will say that depending on the amount of people who read this will potentially determine if I update again. Like I have said before I’m trying to close this fic up. Is this a perfect update? By all means no! Are there errors? Probably a lot of them. Are the tenses everywhere...you betcha. Was it fun to dive back into this world? Hell yeah! Please send me messages about what you think!
Parts 1-34
Face claims for characters other than Y/N
“A dead pool?” Erika practically shouts as she sits down at her desk. “Like an actual list someone threw together and is willing to give money to assassins to kill you and other freaky people?”
“Freaky people?” You scratch your head.
“And you’re worth how much?” She bolts her head up making her curls shake. Her eyes go wide.
“I already told you, $900,000,” You whisper through your teeth and close your eyes. “This really was a bad time to tell you, we’re about to take a test and all you’ll be thinking about is what I’ve been thinking about since last night.”
“I’m sure you were thinking about something else last night.”
“Excuse me?” You glare at her.
“But now I have to worry about you and Liam being potentially killed!” She raises her voice.
“What was that Erika?” The teacher asks walking to the front of the classroom with a stack of freshly printed tests. You could still smell the ink and heat of the paper.
“Nothing, it’s apart of this thing,” She starts to improv. “This thing…”
“This thing?” The teacher asks. “Does it have anything relevance to the test the class is about to take?”
“Halloween!” You shout. “It’s about Halloween, this thing…sorry for talking so loudly.”
“Y/N,” The teacher starts. “These conversations are for before or after class.”
“You’re completely right.” You nod.
The teacher passes the tests out and you stare blankly at the first page. Your eyes skim over the questions and start filling in answers as best as possible. You glance over at your finger tips every few seconds feeling the anxiety at the base of your wrist waiting to spring out your claws.
This made you curious about how Brett of all people had the time to study during the life he was living. Brett was able to maintain his muscly physique, be the captain of the lacrosse team, make out with Samatha, while flirting with all the girl in school and also had the time to pester you. Most of all he was a werewolf with werewolf parents and pack meetings. And now there was you. Had his grades fallen because of you?
We’ve got this, you hear Brett’s voice in your head, You’ll always have me. A smile spreads across your lips and you catch Erika shaking her head at you in your peripherals.
After class you rush out into the hallway.
“Oh no you don’t,” Erika shouts shoving through people in the hallway. “You’re going to admit this and you’re going to admit this now. I need to know everything.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You says turning around. Erika stops beside you and breaths in deeply.
“I’m your best friend, I’m supposed to be the first person to know,” She says. “Who knows who you like and I’m not stupid Y/N, and me and Liam need a double date to this damn dance.”
“What?” You shout.
“I saw you in class, you were thinking about him,” Erika says and winks. “That smile in class wasn't just a I’m happy smile, it was a I’m in love smile. It was an I’m in love with…smile.”
“I was just smiling,” You says griping the strap of your backpack. “I’m really sure Liam would love to double date with us…with Brett and who ever he takes.”
“You, he’s taking you,” Erika says. “Like who the hell else would he take Samantha is with his cousin now right?”
“That’s not Brett’s cousin,” You inform and chuckle. “Killian, the dark hair guy is in Brett’s pack.”
“Oh I should have connected the dots.”
“Who are you in love with Y/N?” Brett walks past a few peers with a furrowed brows.
“Both of you guys frustrate me,” Erika turns to Brett. “Brett it’s more than when you used to annoy the hell out of her and I would have to listen to her complain about it.”
Brett cranks his head back in confusion.
“I didn’t even realize how much you actually talk until last week,” Brett blurts out. “Erika you talk a lot and you’re really loud. And confusing.”
“Brett!” You turn your head and flash your wolf eyes at him. He rolls his eyes.
“You did not just…” He flashes his eyes at you and playfully shoves you.
“I saw that!” Erika shouts.
“You’ve got be quiet.” Brett says dropping his happy expression. He pinches the bride of his nose.
“And you’ve got to be a bit nicer,” You start to walk away from Brett and Erika. Erika trails behind you and makes it to your side. “Come on defend yourself against tall stuff over there because if you’re so keen with whatever you want us to do or become, you’re going to have to get used to that over there.”
“I’m used to him.”
“You’re used to one side of him, Talbot is a very confusing guy.”
“Get used to what?” Brett asks draping an arm across your shoulders. “Also I’m right here, not over there.”
“Yes you are.” You say taking in a deep breath, taking in the scent of his skin. He wasn’t wearing any cologne only a lightly scented deodorant. You take a quick glance as his neck with an urge to press your lips and nose against the delicate skin. Brett meets your eyes as you were turning your head back to the hallway.
“900,000 huh? Over heard some people talking about a strange conversation you had in class today Y/N,” Brett pauses and shoots a glare at your best friend. “And Erika!”
“Oh yeah,” Erika perks up. “That’s a lot. I’m sorry.”
“Can we not discuss dead pool information at school?” Brett asks. “Who knows who the hell is working for this benefactor guy. I mean a kid from the beacon hills lacrosse team tried to kill you and Liam. His girlfriend also got me good and damn you almost died.”
“Brett!” You elbow him in the side he jumps slightly. “I haven’t even talked to Erika about that yet!”
“Wait you and Liam almost died?” Erika asks stoping her slow pace walk. You can see her face searching for an emotion to portray. Her backpack falls to the floor with her heavy text books producing a loud thud. “When?”
“Several times.” Brett says, like it was casual.
“No wonder you were being so weird around me,” Erika places her hand over her mouth. “And I was such a..”
“I haven’t even told her the amount of time Brett! I don’t want her to freak out.”
“Well babe, it’s time to rip that bandaid off if she’s going to be stuck in this mess with us. And with Liam.”
“Well babe,” You say sliding out from beneath his shoulder. “We aren’t supposed to be discussing these things on campus aren’t we.”
“Aww you called him babe.” Erika says retrieving her smile.
“I’m leaving you both and Brett you can drive yourself to Scott’s tonight after the game! I need some space from you.”
“Hey now!” He shouts down the hallway. “You’ll wear my jersey wont you?”
“What?” You shout with confusion and look at Erika. She was raising her brows up and down over and over again.
“It’s the last game before the dance,” Brett pulls something out of his backpack and chucks it across the hall. You instantly catch it and hold it up. It was a dark green jersey with Brett’s Lacrosse number on the back of it. You could smell him on it which made your stomach flip. You wanted to press the fabric to your nose and even rub it all over your skin, but of course didn’t. What was about his scent that brought you comfort and made you so nervous at the same time? “You’ll wear it right?”
“Do I have a choice Talbot?”
“No,” He shouts laughing. Everyone in the hallway was staring. “No choice at all.”
Brett turns around and walks off. Erika snatches the jersey from your hands.
“You know what this means right?” Erika asks examining the fabric.
“It means two friends are going to a lacrosse game tonight?”
“It means two friends are going to a lacrosse game and one of those friends will be cheering on her boyfriend wearing his jersey. It’s like one of those teen movies you always watch.”
“Erika I’m completely confused about how you are supporting something like Brett and I dating.” You grab the jersey back before she held it for too long. You didn’t want her scent on it.
“So you are you two?” She asks.
“No, you would already know. Werewolves don’t date.”
“That’s a lie.”
“Well they aren’t right now. Since someone wants them all dead.”
“That’s not even funny!”
After school you walk upstairs and plop yourself onto your bed. Erika was sensing that you and Brett were something more than just strangers turned friends. But was it true? Did Brett think that way? You could smell the jersey Brett had given to you through the nasty sweaty clothes in your gym bag. You had tossed the jersey into the gym bag in hopes that it wouldn’t distract you for the remainder of the school day. Was your scent affecting Brett like his was affecting you?
You hop off of your bed and pull out the green top. You quickly glance at your bedroom door to make sure it was closed, it was. The fabric was pressed to your nose instantly and you fall down on your bed with a small bounce. You close your eyes and the familiar feeling that you woke up with that night you and Brett had found each other in the woods slithered across your stomach and over your core. You scrunch your body around the jersey and feel your body start to sweat and overheat.
“Maybe what I am feeling is more than I thought,” You say and stand up. You toss the shirt to your bed. “He wouldn’t ask me to wear his jersey just because we are friends right?”
Your phone buzzes and you pull it out of your bag. My parents will be at the game tonight along with my sister, Brett had text, they are excited to see you. You feel your body shiver and now your eyes were wolfing out. See them there, you respond then toss the phone next to the jersey.
“A cold shower it is,” You walk into your bathroom and turn the water on and step in with your clothes on. You let the cold water run over your hair and down your blazer. The clothes suction to your body. “What the hell?”
You and Erika arrive at the game and approach the bleachers. You could smell the Talbots in the crowd and it made your blood boil and nervous. Erika was looking at her phone texting Liam that she would see him after the game. You stretch your neck out looking for Brett in the crowd on the field and didn’t see him anywhere. You take a deep breath in taking his scent that lingered on the jersey in with it.
“This is such a bad idea,” You say after she presses send. “We shouldn’t even be out here, we should all be inside hiding or making sure we aren’t seen until we find a way to…kill those things.”
“There is no way anything will happen tonight in front of everyone. In fact this is probably the safest place to be,” Erika says and picks the green material of Brett’s Jersey you had layered over a long sleeve black shirt. “You look hot in his jersey. I mean no one at Devenford prep will ever mess with you ever again. He’s claimed you.”
“Ew, if you only knew how even more messed up that sounds with us being werewolves. This isn't some YA novel with a focus of werewolf mates. It doesn’t even work like that. I think.”
“I wasn’t even trying to go there,” Erika makes a disgusted face. “I was just saying that since he likes you no one will be able to make fun of you without answering to Brett.”
“No one will make fun of me without answering to this.” You fling out your claws.
“My boy better be keeping an eye on you.” A man say behind you and Erika interrupting your conversation.
“Mr. Talbot,” You say making an embarrassed expression as you turn around to meet the very tall parents of Brett Talbot. “Mrs. Talbot and Lori. Always nice to see you all again.”
“I hope you’ve been doing a bit better, Y/N,” Mrs. Talbot says with a warm smile. “You’ll have to come by for dinner again. Brett keeps us very informed about everything.”
“And this must be Erika?” Lori asks. “My brother told me all about how you freaked out the other night and how you’re dating one of us.”
“It was very much warranted,” Erika says. “Trust me. I’m not even ashamed about it. In fact I’m sort freaked out that well Brett and Y/N and you guys…”
“When Erika gets nervous,” You begin to say. “She-”
“She talks a lot,” Brett pops out in front of bleachers in only his lower half of his lacrosse uniform. You swallow hard and mouth goes dry after giving him a glance up and down. “Isn’t that right Erika? It’s only fitting that I tell my parents about it.”
“I guess?” Erika asks. “I’m still taking it all in.”
“My son better be keeping an eye on you too, Erika,” Brett’s dad says. You watch as he looks over toward your friend. “I told him anyone that is important to you, Y/N, should be looked after.”
“I…ugh…” Erika was speechless.
“Brett’s jersey sure looks better on you than on him,” Lorie says lifting her brows. “He also smells so strange right now. Go put a shirt on it’s gross!”
“I have to agree,” Brett says. He approaches you and pulls at the fabric. “Really it does and I like it when you smell like me.”
“Brett!” Mrs. Talbot practically scolds. “Son, don’t.”
“That’s gross.” Lori says again.
“Oh come on Lorie!” Brett shouts. “One day you’ll understand.”
“Well I think Erika and I are going to go find a seat. Good luck with the game Brett,” You awkwardly and playfully punch the tall boy’s bare arm. “I’m sure you’re going to crush it. Mr. and Mrs. Talbot nice talking to you guys and again I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”
You push Erika forward toward a section of bleachers that were far away from the Talbots. She looks back at you and you gently pushed her towards a spot.
“Shouldn’t we sit with the Talbots?” Erika asks.
“No I can’t I’m honestly losing it in this jersey right now,” You say grabbing a fist full of shirt. “I would be so uncomfortable.”
“What do you mean? It can’t be uncomfortable, it’s a loose fit on you.”
“His scent is driving me crazy,” You finally admit to Erika. “It’s like he’s slept in this shirt everyday for a week or a month. It’s so strong. And I’m burning up. I want to rip it off.”
“He did say he likes you smelling like him,” Erika leans in and takes a sniff. “It’s just weird because I can’t smell anything, but the perfume you’re wearing.”
“I had to take a 30 minute cold shower before I picked you up this afternoon. I practically bathed in perfume hoping it would distract me. Today I shoved it into my gym bag hoping my sweaty clothes would cover it up.”
“You did seem a little on edge today, but I thought it was because of the dead pool.”
“The dead pool isn’t helping. And all I want is to…” Brett meets your eyes across the field. “I just want press my face up against his neck and wrap my arms and legs around him. It’s like I practically want to eat him right now.”
“Whoah, um that’s a lot and very out of character for you,” Erika says cranking her head back. “I didn’t even know you were capable of feelings like that.”
“I’m a teenager!”
“Liam constantly wants to curl up with me and just lay there. He always wants to fall asleep on top of me..”
Brett’s eyes flash bright yellow.
“Oh god he heard me say that and I’m sure his parent’s did too,” You bring your knees up on the seat and you wrap your arms around her legs. “I should just go home. I need a distraction. This night can’t get any worse. The last person in this world who would ever want me is Brett and the last person I should want is Brett.”
“Wolf things,” Erika says grabbing your shoulders. “It’s just a wolf thing. It has to be. It’s making you feel these things.”
“I mean it could be, it’s never been this bad,” You turn your body towards Erika. “I’m finally admitting to you and only you Erika.”
“What exactly are you admitting?”
“I don’t know, but I think what I feel for Brett is more than just friends.”
Before the game starts Brett jogs over towards a bench and pulls on his lacrosse pads and Jersey. He walks over toward the bleachers where you were sitting and ascends up the steps.
“I’m happy you’re wearing my jersey,” He says with a warm smile. “I’m glad about what we have. Regardless of what we want to call it. We don’t have to question what it is.”
Brett approaches you and you start to feel dizzy. He tilts his head and extends a hand to a section of hair that had fallen over your eyes. Gently he places it behind your ear. He really shouldn’t have done that.
“Do you recall when you told me I might be bad luck for your games?” You ask as you stand. “I hope that me wearing your jersey doesn’t give you bad luck tonight.”
“I just said that to you to get you all riled up. You’ll never be bad luck for me,” He says with a wink. “But I need you cheer me on as loudly as you can, scream my name for me babe.”
“Don’t call me babe!” You snapped. “I’ve told you that.”
Brett winks at you and jogs down the steps towards the field.
“I’m going to pass out.” You say. Your legs go weak and you fall back down to your seat.
“Scream his name for him?” Erika says fanning her face with her hand. “This is getting out of hand.”
“The game needs to start and I need to go for a run.”
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exam season
the last 2 weeks have been exam season. leading up to exams i ran week-long blocks of distracting websites on my mac, so I haven’t been able to get on tumblr.... so finally updating now: (more like ranting.)
one math exam left, on thursday morning
exams so far have been.... okay. none of them i feel particularly good about, but overall i think i managed to deal with the stress/anxiety better this semester than last, just a little bit
some nice things that happened before exams:
100% in Chinese speaking mock exam, listening and writing section of written mock exam. i didn’t really realise it until i looked back on my old posts and read how i felt after first set of exams just now, but i have come ... maybe not a long way, but some kind of way :] at the time i was very insecure about just myself and barely believed i could improve on my own; yet i did to a standard i never could’ve dreamed even start of this year.
somehow obtained 90% in an oral presentation i made about The Crucible by Arthur Miller. i still don’t know how I did it, but I’m glad i improved from the 60s i got last semester in presentations. public speaking still felt like hell though
top female scorer in my state for some maths competition. also have no idea how i did this, i thought i would get distinction at best.
changed piano teachers (previous teacher recommended the new one)
dress for year 12 ball next year arrived. it’s a soft grey pretty thing
my birthday was during exam season :/
also first set of my own prayer beads arrived. have been using them daily since
reflecting on each subject: (so I can read back on this after i get my marks back and be like haha.... you fool.)
Literature: better than last time is all i can say... it was okay (still felt like hell during the exam because it’s Literature) managed time during exam slightly better, I didn’t panic as much, but that’s about it lmao i’m crossing my fingers for a low 70s and double crossing for an A. i wasn’t able to or simply didn’t contribute much effort/time to literature this semester, so a B wouldn’t really be a fuck-i-tried-so-hard-why-did-i-get-this-grade kind of punch in the gut, but it would be really nice to not break an all A streak... but I highly suspect I will get a B
Methods (maths): exam was harder than i expected. hoping for a 90s though, a mark that wont bring my average down. i think i was best prepared for methods compared to other subjects, emphasis on COMPARED to other subjects. -_-
Physics: ahh physics. a whole debacle happened during the exam, please see below. other than that the exam was... kind of expected difficulty? which is difficult, but it wasn’t terrible-terrible. i’m hoping for an 80s. i really can’t hope for much, i was probably delirious half the time. i did manage to ‘finish’ (attempt every question) though i wish i got more time... i couldn’t double check many questions and there was this one question i wanted to spend more time on but oh well...
summary: i threw up once before the exam, twice during.
ate a blueberry bagel with cream cheese, with some salmon on top for breakfast. looking back, it was probably the salmon.
didn’t feel good after. got to school feeling pretty sick in the stomach and a pretty bad headache.... which escalated to one of the worst headaches ive had in the last 3 years in 20 minutes
at this point i could tell something was wrong and that i was about to throw up
went to the toilet, tried to throw up whatever was causing pain to my body, but couldn’t. only ended up scaring away some poor kid in the next cubicle
FIRST TIME: left toilet. sit still for 10 minutes outside, feeling progressively worse. go back to the toilet, then throw up a lot. gargle, wash face, go back to find everyone filing into the exam room.
feeling slightly better at this point since ive thrown up (i thought i had emptied most of my stomach by then. spoiler alert: no) and decide internally to just do the exam. (if i don’t, then i would have to fill out some form, probably do the exam way later. too annoying)
SECOND TIME: so i sit the exam. 5-6 minutes into reading time, i feel another wave of throwing up coming. i raise my hand, i’m at the very back of the hall, so examiner takes a bit to notice. my brainwashed ass brain thinks i can’t stand up and leave without the examiners spoken permission, so i persist in sitting in my seat for around 10 seconds until she’s there, i’m already throwing up in my mouth at this point. finally something snaps and i make a break for the toilet, but it’s too late and i throw up all over the floor. in the exam hall. Fuck. i immediately apologise on the spot.
examiner leads me to toilet. i throw up some more. gargle, wash face. she asks me to step outside for a couple of minutes for fresh air and i do. 5 minutes later she comes back and asks me if i want to continue the exam. i say yes. we go back in, the vomit is gone from the floor. she moves my seat closer to the exit, and tells me i can bolt out whenever i need to throw up. i sit the exam.
some time after this, the other examiner leaves a vomit bag next to me just in case
THIRD TIME: an hour in? i feel another wave coming. i grab the vomit bag, make a dash for the toilets but the stupid old door won’t open properly. the examiner helps me open the door and i throw up in the toilets, in the vomit bag this time. it’s not as much as the previous two times. tie up the bag, throw it in the bin, gargle, wash face.
instinctively i feel that this is the last time i’ll throw up, that i’ve truly emptied everything from my stomach this time. headache is way weaker at this point.
go back in and examiner asks me if i’m really sure i want to continue the exam, whether or not if i want to fill in a form excusing myself from the exam. i say no.
about an hour left in the exam, which i sit in utter peace
didn’t get any extra time.
apologised to some people around me after the exam while filing out of the hall... i suffered but they did too.
went home and drank some stomach soothing tea. slept
ate porridge for the next 2 days.
Chemistry: it was.... okay. i did finish and attempt every question. there were a couple of questions in multiple choice i was iffy about and a question in short answer i was like um... what? to, but other than that it was.... eh. i didn’t study much for it, so whatever mark i get i deserve. if i do defend myself it was 3 days after the shit show that was the physics exam, and i felt sick for at least a day after.... but yeah. should’ve tried more.
during reading time, the examiner who saved my life put the vomit bag on my desk in the physics exam came and asked me if i was feeling better
i said i’m feeling good thanks : )
like an hour later? i feel sickness coming. not stomach this time, just general sickness. somehow i get a fever and subsequently, the FLU in the middle of the chem exam-
i highly suspect i got it from the examiner
come back home to find out that i really do have a fever
this was yesterday. yes i’m sick now. like, more sick.
Chinese: this was today. i’m still kind of too traumatised to reflect on it properly. Chinese is the only subject that ive studied the yr 12 course for this year, so this exam really counts. like 35% of my final grade counts kind of counts. and i did pretty bad. like pretty bad. it was definitely more difficult than the mock exams, and the recordings in listening section were quicker than previous years. the writing section was... traumatising while writing i kind of had a wave of anxiety/panic hit me? i could feel my heartbeat my face was burning and i started sweating ;-; and even the reading section, which is usually okay, was a bit hard. i’ll get the marks back and my final grade for this subject in December - we’ll see until then. got a slightly overdue birthday present before the exam tho :)
So yup. that’s my exam season. i’m typing this instead of studying for my maths exam day after tomorrow but hey, i’m sick and need rest, right?
overall, these exams i managed to keep control of my stress a bit better, i wasn’t so overwhelmed like last time. last semester i could barely live, literally. this time i made the habit of living at the library which i found really helpful and comparatively productive, i’ll definitely be using that strategy more often. i’m just glad i managed to study SOMETHING or prepare for exams explicitly this time, because i was simply too overwhelmed to do that last time. i improved. maybe not by much, maybe it doesn’t seem like much, but it’s better than none...
i’m not saying i don’t have regrets or shortcomings in these exams. i definitely do. DeFinITEly. but doesn’t mean i didn’t improve. i did improve. just, maybe not as much as i wanted.
i really learned to the bone this time that learning during the semester is so, so important. i think that’s just a wisdom i’ll have to carry through the rest of my academic career.
wish me luck for my maths exam on Thursday
my friends and ive already planned an outing for after the exams :)
also getting overdue birthday presents next monday! :D
#exam#high school#student#exam season#exams#study#studying#studyblr#chinese#sick#mental health#stress#overwhelmed#anxiety
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hi, im 18 and i am about to start the uni on five moths, i feel like i can’t handle school anymore and i am so afraid to fail, i am not good at maths and i am afraid of not getting good grades for uni plus i’m scared cause i don’t have experience with working, i’m living my life without being planned because i never imagined myself reaching this age and i want to die i’m afraid of not being someone and i feel like crying all the time
hey dude. i’m really sorry to hear that. it must be so hard for you at the moment, and i understand where you’re coming from a lot. take a deep breath. it’s going to be okay, even if that feels impossible to believe right now. this is the exact time in your life that you’re supposed to be afraid and uncertain and upset, it’s completely natural. a lot of people our age are dealing with the exact same thing, which doesn’t make it any less painful, but knowing it’s not something you should be ashamed of can really help. fear of failure, of the future, of change - it’s to be expected. it’d be weird if you didn’t feel that way, to be honest. so begin with processing those emotions as healthily as you can. you dont have to try to push them away, you can let them wash over you instead. allow yourself to cry about it, to talk about it, to write about it. trying your best to cope with your emotions like that will stop them from overwhelming you. accept the anxieties, but dont let them trick you. just let everything be what it is, for a while. and then look for tangible, realistic ways to calm yourself down. you’re only afraid of everything because it hasn’t happened yet. life only makes sense backwards, right? so give yourself a chance to live all of the solutions to your problems before you make any permanent decisions/choices. you’re supposed to be confused, to have no idea what to do. that’s a part of become an adult.
for every scared, irrational thought you experience there is always a rational, more accurate counter argument. these are the ideas that are actually based in reality, the ones you can actually trust. for example, i’m not good at maths either, and i know it’s annoying because it seems like it’s going to hold you back a lot in life (i’ve been trying to get a better grade since i left school two years ago lmao and i’ve only marginally succeeded), but there are steps you can take to ensure that your skills gradually improve over time. even if you dont get the grade you need immediately, the opportunity to keep trying will always be there. every day is a new chance. i know people who are 40 years old and they’re just getting their maths GCSE now. it’s not a race, and you don’t have to achieve everything on a linear timeline, okay? but try to control what you can - try to get into the routine of studying every night, or look into hiring a tutor/taking extra maths classes. if you’re trying, you are doing more than good enough. i promise. your brain will often try to make you feel otherwise, will try to convince you that you’re a failure or whatever, but that’s just the panic talking - it’s not the truth. no matter how certain your self hatred feels, it’s a liar. it’s trying to sabotage you, and you don’t have to lean into it. you’re doing what you can with what you’ve been given, and that’s more than most people manage to achieve. and of course you don’t have any working experience, you’re 18. it’s the exact same for me. and i know it makes it harder to get a job, but employers understand and eventually there will be somewhere that will give you a chance. it just takes a moment, and that’s alright. building up your resume takes time, basically your entire early adult life. so slow down, you’re fine. focus on one moment and one thing at a time.
the bottom line is that you’re worrying about your future to this extent because you care about it so much, and that’s a really good thing. it means that even if you often feeling like giving up, some part of you wants to shape your life, wants to stick around because it knows that it’ll be worth it. look, when you’re depressed or anxious or just generally afraid, it’s easy to believe very overgeneralized statements such as ‘i want to die’ or ‘i’m not going to be anyone’ - those thoughts are, once again, likely produced by stress or maybe a chemical imbalance or low self esteem. but please believe me when i say that they’re not tangible or real or trustworthy. they’re just fleeting feelings/impulses, and they will pass if you give them the chance to. it sounds like bullshit, and i dont blame you for not buying it at the moment, but once you’re able to think about it all objectively - without being blinded by emotional turmoil or low self confidence - then you’ll see what i mean. above all, the most important thing to take away from the situation, is the knowledge that you don’t have to deal with this all on your own. if you take anything i say seriously, please make sure it’s this: there are LOT of resources and services available to help you learn how to deal with this sort of thing. whatever it is, whatever the cause of your sadness is - whether it’s just because you’re under a lot of pressure right now, or because of something deeper than that - there are people out there who will support you through it. where you’re at right now is definitely not where you’ll always be, please keep that in mind. i really think it could be a good idea for you to talk to someone about what’s going on in your head - whether it’s your parents, a hotline, a doctor, or even a counselor at the uni once you start. please, please don’t allow your brain to simply brush the idea off. because getting it all off your chest, and listening to a professionals advice/using their recommended coping mechanisms, could really change your perspective. talking through your worries and actively working with a trained professional to find realistic solutions will make a difference. they may even refer you to a psychologist who will be able to actually explain to you why you’re feeling this way, whether or not there’s any sort of official diagnosis that needs to be made. suicidal thoughts are somewhat common but they’re not normal, not something you should just have to put up with. your mental health is honestly just as important as your physical health, and there’s nothing wrong with seeking medical guidance. it’s actually very necessary. look, i’m not saying it’ll be a quick or easy process, i’m not saying some days wont be completely exhausting, but i’m saying that reaching out if the first step towards learning how to control those negative feelings/thoughts when they do arise. it’s ok to be scared, and to not want to open up, but just cause you dont want to doesn’t mean you don’t need to.
if i’m being straight up, the truth is that the rest of your life doesn’t depend on how well you do in school. your future happiness isn’t dictated by ‘being someone’ in the eyes of the world, it’s dictated by taking care of yourself and allowing yourself to experience this lifetime for what it is, and finding fulfillment through love and curiosity. that’s all. you’re doing so much better than you think you are, and i’m genuinely very proud of you, man. this is just a blip in the very long and very happy story of your life. you’re still young as hell. well, you’re the same age as me, and i totally get how stressful it is to turn 18, but you have so much time. theres so much for you to see, so many people for you to meet, and just because it’s daunting doesn’t mean it’s a burden. everythings going to work out the way it was always supposed to. for now, just take it one day at a time. focus on what’s in your control in the present moment/foreseeable future - such as studying and talking to someone about what’s going on - instead of fixating on things that are completely out of your hands. the future doesn’t even exist yet. you’ve got this. i’ll be rooting for you. sending all my love your way. let me know if you need a friend or if you need to talk about this properly, i’ll be here. you’re not alone.
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Rant
I hate schools. No it's not the fact they make us get up at ungodly hours, even though that is the part of the rant I'm about to go on. I hate it because of what it does. The system is flawed. Children are destined to fail if they don’t shape their thoughts to the systems. The teachers aren’t really there to do anything except be warm bodies, and most take that role without complaint. Others stay up slaving for minimum wage. That's a different rant though. They cause children to have anxiety, depression, and they don’t pause to think maybe their doing this wrong. They keep going. If your feeling depressed, they say to 'just talk about it' but then what? Bullied? They don’t do anything and then they become surprised when school shootings happen or kids kill them self. They don’t care. Students are profit, and that's it. They even neglect scientific studies on how it could help if they changed their ways, but who cares right? Were just kids, we cant have- god forbid, OPINIONS OF OUR OWN? They tell us to stay fit, but then load us with hours of homework and make us sit still all day. They tell us to focus, but make every day a repeat. They tell us to follow our dreams, then make it seem like they're impossible and do nothing to improve them. Of course, no one will care, right? Were just money. Can can solve the question yet? Stop the rope from hanging him by his neck? Hm school? Why don’t you grow up and see that we aren’t machines made for money. We're people. Complex creatures who feel. You can't expect us to keep up, we're CHILDREN. Stop making us machines. Stop shaping our beliefs. Stop making us feel as if we don’t have opinions. Stop making us hate what we are. Kids. "Oh but kids need education!" Yes because I'll need to know how the periodic table if I want to be a carpenter, lawyer, doctor, vet- oh wait.. I wont! Oh and don’t get me STARTED on the standards and grades. You spend pre-k learning ABC's and how to use scissors, kindergarten for 1st grade 1st for second, so on. What happened to learning ABC's and how to spell your sight words in kindergarten? And people complain this generation is growing up to fast. Maybe if you wouldn’t make us KAREN we wouldn’t!
But what would I know? I'm just a kid! We don’t have correct opinions! We don’t know facts! I'm just a stupid kid. Aren’t we all? It's not like I care now
"This part of me who wants a simple right or wrong." What, right or wrong? That's all were conditioned to know. There is no in between. Your either right or wrong.
"I feel that everything I choose will always be false." We're taught 'simple' things. What then? We get told.. Wrong. And you cant go up and just ASK for help- psh. And get taunted about not knowing the easy stuff? It's better to just cheat. No need to ruin your reputation.
"So today, this homework, about me, a blank sheet.." What about me? You don’t seem to care about my personality. My likes and dislikes. I don’t have time to do hobbies with all you put on me. I cant write a paper about myself, the only reason I have hobbies is because of Corona. I could usually only write a SENTENCE summing me up. Or a repetitive paragraph.
"Saying how were sad, saying how were lonely." We do talk to people, but they don’t do anything to help. Then they act so surprised when we kill ourselves.
"Can you even read the blackboard written as clear as can be? Can you even read his mind see that kids lost fantasy? Can you even find the one dyed his red heart to black?" Woo this is getting long.. Kids aren’t always complicated. You can read us pretty well. So why not use that? Why not make sure that one kid who looks confused in the back understands, or the one who is always sitting alone is alright? You destroy our fantasies, and cause us to be something we aren’t. It's not us.
"Can you even stop rope from hanging him by his neck?" 'Can you even stop the kids from wanting to die?'
"Did we really choose it right saying were okay this way?" Did we really choose it right saying that the system is right and isn’t corrupt? My view is fairly obvious.
"Its not like I care now" Why would we care? We aren’t engaged.
"Behind the power and guards I put up. I hide. Knowing they had long died." Behind the smiles, and friends I have I hide, knowing they will all die. the fake smiles to let people know your alright, and the friends who help each other out.
"Saying let me just leave, saying someone kill me!" Let me just leave the school, let me just stop existing. It’ll be better that way, I wont be stressed, anxious, depressed.. No more wrong answers.
"Can you even scream the dreams you swore would never go out" Can you even bring back the dreams school killed in you?
"Who was the one who let my hopes just curl up die?" It was the system. Hopes don’t exist in it.
"Why don’t you grow up and see?!" According to elder-people, we ever grow up. So, I cant grow up in your eyes, but I do see. You just don’t listen.
"What the hell is growing up and tell me when will I be?!" What do we classify growing up anymore? Getting older or maturing?
"Can a SINGLE person out there just EXPLAIN it to me?!" Can someone please explain to me WHY THE SYSTEM is this way? A single person? I'd be willing to debate it. Please explain. We can discuss it in a civil manner and have a good ol debate, but I want to understand why.
This concludes my Ted talk.
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Code Name: Confession
Universe: 616
Title: Truth In Your Eyes
Rating: G
Word Count: 2566
A/N: Based on my loose knowledge of the comics. I may have taken some liberties with the intention of the art, but I really love the concept of “Steve doesn’t know Tony Stark = Iron Man” so I ran with secret identities.
“I can’t do the equation unless I have all the variables, that’s what you said.” Steve threw Tony’s own words in his face.
“It was just a debrief, Rogers, he misses them all the time.”
Tony had been sitting in the living room when Steve had stormed in. Yesterday’s battle had been anything but smooth. Natasha had her arm in a cast, Bruce was requesting a two-week sabbatical to who knows where in India, and Thor was so emotionally entangled with their villain that he had personally taken the spoils of their fight back to Asgard. If Tony was being honest, he actually didn’t hate Loki that much – the guy could actually be fun when he wasn’t be a megalomaniac – but he really hated magic.
“Stark, he was injured. I understand that he has a job to do, but he should have gone to medical. He may be your bodyguard but he’s also his own person.”
“I needed him.”
“You can’t actually be that heartless, can you?”
Tony let out a bitter laugh, but didn’t look up from the tablet in his lap. “Is that a challenge?”
Steve sighed and took a seat in the armchair to Mr. Stark’s left. “I don’t need to know everything about him, I don’t even need his name. But I deserve to know who I’m fighting with, need to know if he has anything we have to work around.”
“Like Barton and the snake thing?”
“Yes like Barton and the snake thing. If I had known he would – how did Iron Man phrase it, pull an Indiana Jones? – I wouldn’t have let Shield send him on that mission alone. The point is,” Steve leaned forward. His voice was so earnest, Tony actually glanced away from his screen to meet his eyes. “I would like to meet Iron Man outside of a mission. Call me old fashion, but I’d like to look into the eyes of my teammates when the world is crashing down around us.”
Tony knew it wasn’t Steve’s fault. The solider was made of curiosity and stubbornness. Great qualities for truth and justice, but not so great when trying to keep a secret. The rest of the world was already in a frenzy over who Iron Man was, especially after theories of an automated suit were dispelled after one of the early battle of the newly formed Avengers just half a year ago. The armor had taken a pretty nasty beating from whatever the hell those space whale nightmares had been, and one of the gauntlets had been ripped clean off to expose not wires and gears, but very human flesh and bone. Steve’s reaction was probably worse than any of the crazed press. Now every time Iron Man went down, he wanted the helmet off, wanted to “know if you’re okay in there, Shellhead.”
Every time the Captain asked, Iron Man’s excuse got a little less coherent. “Yeah Cap, I’m okay, Mr. Stark has to repair the armor.” “Yes Cap, I’m okay, gotta report back to my day job.” “Tis but a scratch, but my paint job’ll really need work.” Iron Man figured if his one liners weren’t as polished, it was surely because of his injury, and not the way the arc reactor spit out a few extra gigawatts at the nickname Steve had given him.
“Look into his eyes.” Tony broke their shared gaze, typing something quickly on his StarkPad. “Didn’t know you were a poet on top of being an artist, Rogers.”
“Mr. Stark, at least let him join us for movie night or something. You don’t own him.”
The tablet screen clicked off and Tony stood. “If I’m so heartless, maybe I do.”
“That’s not what I meant –“
“Iron Man’s identity is above your pay grad, Spangles.” The elevator doors opened long before Tony had crossed the room, but the closed behind him the moment he stepped in. Steve could almost mouth the words along with the billionaire – this conversation ended the same way every time.
None of the Avengers saw their wealthy patron or the armored teammate for several days until Shield called in for a mission. Something about an abandoned college building and a magical energy signature. Steve probably should have read the report more carefully, but any planning was hard to focus on seeing who was being sent on the mission with him.
It made sense, they didn’t actually need the whole team for what seemed like a recon mission, but Steve was almost never alone on missions with Iron Man. Maybe Shield didn’t want the two lead Avengers out of the tower at the same time unless the fight was big enough, but Steve was pretty sure Mr. Stark had his way into the servers and changed mission assignments. The both knew what would happen if Steve had free time with Iron Man.
“This building is really incredible.” Steve started as they started on the thirteenth floor. “You know, when I came up from the ice, Mr. Stark told me all about New York’s improved school system. Are all NYU buildings like this?”
“What makes you think I’m from New York?”
“You’re not?”
“I’m afraid that answer is above your pay grade.” Even with the mechanical suit’s voice filter, Steve could hear the smile hidden behind the mask.
“He doesn’t make you say that, does he?”
Iron Man’s laughter was strange, robotic yet so so human. “He might program the suit, but he doesn’t program me.”
“It is your decision though, right?” Steve pushed, “To keep your identity a secret from us?”
“Keeping my identity a secret is for the best.” Iron Man opened one of the classroom doors, doing a scan and shutting it. “This room’s secure.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“We’re on a mission, Cap. You’re the one always telling me to cut the chatter.” His tone was light, but the words ended the discussion the same way as always. If they were on a mission, Iron Man didn’t reveal any personal details.
“What if you joined us outside of a mission? Maybe for movie night?”
“Is Captain America asking me out? Must be my lucky day.” Iron Man stopped, turning to look at Steve. “A blush looks good on you, Stevie.”
The glowing blue ‘eyes’ of the suit weren’t really eyes to make proper contact with, but Steve kept his vision on the floor just in case. “Is that a yes?”
“Well I’ll have to ask my heartless boss and see what he thinks.”
Steve grinned, daring to look up. Even if he never saw underneath the Iron Man armor, he knew who Iron Man was. It’d be strange, but the team would make room for the metal suit on the couch. Before his mind could wonder further down imagining movie night together, the building shook. “What was that?”
“Epicenter is coming from a floor above us.” The teasing tone was gone, replaced with the cold steel Iron Man brought to battle. He engaged the suit’s thrusters, speeding to the stairwell as Captain American ran to follow. The armor HUD gave a layout of the building, which Iron Man pinged to the holo-shield bracer on Steve’s arm, tracking the power surge to a bathroom.
“You see anything?” Cap asked, activating the bracer, shield at the ready.
“Negative. But Shield told us the incident seemed magic related and Mr. Stark can’t seem to figure out scanners to pick up on that stuff.” The thrusters deactivated, landing with a thud yet keeping the tile floor intact. “So much for my boss being a genius. I hate magic.”
Steve laughed even as he scoped out the small room. “That is one thing I know about you.”
“That’s one thing you know about everyone. Come on, any sensible person hates magic. That doesn’t count.”
“Don’t worry, I wont tell Mr. Stark.” The shaking had stopped and the room seemed secure, but the mirror on the wall caught Steve’s attention.
The reflected image appeared normal at first, Iron Man gleaming in the florescent lights as Captain America stood behind him. Then, the surface of the glass seemed to ripple. The lights in the bathroom flickered. Steve had taken his cowl off somewhere around the fourth floor, pleasantly surprised to think that this might be one recon mission that wouldn’t turn into a fight. Now he wished he kept it on, watching as blonde hair turned gray and wrinkles bloomed around his face.
“Iron Man, are you seeing this?”
“See what – oh.” He turned, finally looking in the mirror. “Cap, it’s not real, I can see you and –” The sound of servos straining echoed in small room. “What the hell? Mirror mirror on the wall, I already know I’m the fairest of all?”
“I got that reference.” Steve chuckled, but his voice was all wrong. He lifted a hand to his face, feeling that the aged texture of his skin to prove it wasn’t just a reflective illusion. It was as though time had it’s hooks in him and was finally dragging him through the years he missed under the ice.
“Fuck, okay I can’t move but you can.” The servos continued to whine, and under the frantic tone of Iron Man’s voice, Steve could practically hear the gears whirling in his mind. “Look at me! Steve, don’t look in the mirror, look at me!”
The servos stopped moving. The sudden silence was deafening for a second, before a hissing noise filled the room.
“Okay, maybe don’t look at me.”
Steve turned his head anyway, the bones protesting as they aged. The armor was melting off, solid metal turning to liquid mesh of silver and gold components. Brown eyes were the first thing to come through.
“Steve please.” Iron Man’s voice wasn’t modulated anymore. “I know I’m sort of sending mixed signals here, but please don’t look. You want to know who I am but –“
“Okay.”
“What?”
“Iron Man, I know who you are.”
“You do?” The voice squeaked. Steve almost thought he could place it, but he’d need to hear the armored Avenger say something not in a panic.
“You’re my friend. And if you need this secret, I wont take it from you.”
Iron Man seemed to visibly relax, shoulders sagging as the metal pooled off him to reveal a glowing blue light in his chest. The arc reactor was in him? Steve just thought it powered the suit. He had a thousand more questions, but forced himself to turn his back to the cursed mirror.
“I need to apologize to your boss.” Steve said, the non sequitur making Iron Man tense up again.
“Why?”
“He suggested Alien for movie night last month and this would be a lot stranger if he didn’t.”
The last of the armor fell off of him and the person behind Iron Man collapsed to the floor, twisting to see the source of a strange clicking sound that had grown louder behind them. “Oh, yeah that’s a pretty good comparison.” He sounded shell shocked – still too abnormal for Steve to properly compare with. Even if he could compare, his brain was a little distracted by the metal reptilian that had grown in front of them. It growled, voice modulated with the pieces of the armor, still clicking as the waxy metal forged teeth where an elongated mouth was being built.
“I’m calling the team.”
“No!” Iron Man shouted and Steve had to fight the urge to turn around, just to finally have a face.
“I know you don’t want anyone to see you, but this really isn’t the time!” The creature roared behind them, newly solidified exo-armor scraping agains the floor. “Aged and no armor? We can’t fight this thing.”
“Yes, we can.” There was the cock of a gun and a round of bullets were fired into the creature. It reeled back, it’s shriek more terrible than the echo of the close range gunshots. Holes cut through the thin parts of the exo-skeleton, still dripping before they had solidified. So Iron Man was a great shot without the armor. Did he always carry an extra weapon under the suit? For every answer Steve got about Iron Man’s identity, he found ten more questions. But there was no time to ponder them, the liquid metal filled the cracks, healing the creature.
“Well, you can. I built a back up armor in your holo-shield bracer. It’s not perfect, but if you fight with it, it’ll buy me enough time to kill this thing.”
“Hold on, if you build the armor, why do you always run back to Mr. Stark after a fight?”
“Did I say build? I meant, uh, help build – watched? Whatever, I don’t have time to lie to you right now.”
“You’ve been lying to me?”
“Not the time, Rogers!” Iron Man snapped as the creature swiped a still forming claw at them. “Hit the two side buttons on the bracer, open the panel and press the blue button. You don’t need to be an engineer to know how it works.”
Steve clicked the buttons as the creature roared again. Plates of metal rolled out of the bracer, covering his body. Despite the ache in his bones, Steve felt strong. The holo-shield followed his arm as he bashed down into the creature’s skull. It roared as the metal dented, taking another swipe at the Captain. The American armor was knocked down, but Steve hardly felt the fall.
“And don’t turn around!”
“Not the time to worry about your secrets, Shellhead.” Cap threw back as he activated the boot thrusters, flying about the creature.
“No, the mirror. That’s how the creature took my armor and your serum. If you look again it’ll – Well it’s magic I don’t really know what it’ll do. Just keep distracting it.”
Every hit Steve managed to land, the creature healed. The holo-shield flickered, a warning about power levels flickered over the HUD. “How much longer, Iron Man?”
“Well I’m more of a rocket science guys, so this chemistry is sort of new for me.”
“You know chemistry?”
A soap dispenser flew past the corner of Steve’s vision, glass shattering on the creature and a dark orange liquid spilling over it. It howled, metal fizzing and melting. It lacked the wax like grace from when it had fallen from Iron Man, now it fell like twisted stained glass from a burned church.
“I do now.”
The last of the metal fizzled against the tile, burning through that and falling down another floor. The emergency armor gave one last warning before retracting from Steve. His hand seemed sturdy once again, and his face felt free of wrinkles. Before he could celebrate, another crash of glass came from behind him and he turned around before he could think twice. “Iron Man, are you okay?”
The short man held a broken off piece faucet, with the shattered remains of the mirror scattered about his feet. He turned, familiar brown eyes meeting Steve’s own blue ones. It was his first time seeing Iron Man’s face, and yet they’d done this a thousand time before. None other than Tony Stark was looking back at him. He looked nothing like the ‘Mr. Stark’ Steve had grown used to, dressed in ripped jeans and a faded t-shirt instead of a suit and tie. But the eyes, the eyes were unmistakable. “Yeah Steve, I’m okay. Surprise?”
Steve chuckled. “Not really. Only Mr. Stark calls me Rogers. Iron Man usually calls me Cap.”
Tony gave a small smile. Now that was a face Steve had never seen before. He could get used to that smile. “How about we meet in the middle and I call you Steve?”
#capimtrb2017#secret identity#avengers#stony if you squint#steve/tony#Steve Rogers#Tony Stark#round 1#I hate the title but whatever message me if you have a better idea
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Some advice for sorting out your priorities and how to not get lost in studyblr aesthetic, I guess?
Before I begin, I apologise for my english, it’s not my first language. Forgive me for typos and grammar mistakes.
Also, before you start reading, keep in mind that I have nothing against studyblr community or people who are trying hard to make their blogs look aesthetic and pretty. This is mainly aimed at people who simply can’t do that and feel bad about themeselves because of that. But, there will also be some (well, a lot of actually) advice that can apply to anyone, so feel free to dig in!
I’ve been seeing many useful posts here, in studyblr community, about studying and organising, how to not stress yourself out, what to do before an exam, what to do when you’re starting an UNI or a college.
A lot of stuff I am reblogging can’t be applied to me because:
a) I’m still in high school and a lot of these posts are for college folks even if I try hard to find posts that can apply to everyone
b) I live in a dormitory in a small, cramped room where I have little to no personal space and/or time
I am pretty sure there are other folks like me who don’t have time, personal space, money, internet etc., and you’re frustrated because you can’t make your blog look pretty and aesthetic, you can’t organise your own studying space because you don’t have one, your schedule is barelly giving you some free time, really, I can continue forever like this.
Don’t forget that the main point of studyblr is not to make things look pretty and cute. It’s to give and get advice on how to study properly and how to improve.
If you don’t have time to make everything look pretty, then don’t. Don’t sacrifice your study time just because you want to post a good looking picture on tumblr.
If you have to study and you have an urge to take a picture of your books and notebooks, go ahead, do it, but you don’t have to post right away. Put your phone away and continue with your work, the picture will still be there and you can post it while you’re taking a break or when you’re finished.
SCHOOL SUPPLIES
If you don’t have any money or you have to save your money, don’t spend it on new notebooks, markers, highlighters and pens that you don’t need. Control yourself. I know there are a lot memes and jokes about people who constantly hoard school supplies, and yes, they are funny, and yes, I’m guilty of doing this myself. But behind every joke there is a little bit of truth. Some stuff you’re never going to use and it is just going to take up space on your desk and in your drawers.
“But I need that stuff!”
That is okay, buddy. If you need something new because you’re running out of supplies, go ahead and buy it. But I’m sure as hell that you don’t need five markers, two sets of colouring pencils and ten pens just a week after you have bought new ones!
Make a list before you go to a shop and don’t just make a mental list, you can’t rely on your brain when you already have a problem with hoarding, it will trick you into thinking you need more than you actually need. Take a minute to write it down on a piece of paper or your phone. That way you will know exactly what you need, you will stop yourself from buying too much and you won’t forget anything you actually need. I know this is the most cliché advice ever and that you’re probably rolling your eyes at this, but it doesn’t mean it is not important!
Don’t feel silly to just turn around and put back on the shelf something you realised you don’t need, there is no shame in that. I was doing this, am doing this, and I probably will continue doing this. If you really need, run away from that aisle. Only important thing is that that something doesn’t exit the shop with you.
When should I buy supplies?
That is easy! When you need them.
You’re probably thinking: ‘Well duh. I know that I need to buy them when I need them, but when exactly should I buy them?’.
What I’m trying to say is, you shouldn’t make big supply runs just because it’s ‘that time of the year’. Yes, it can make you feel better because it is sort of a fresh start, and I completly understand it, sometimes it is okay, but ask yourself if you really need it and most important, if you can afford it.
When you need to make a bigger supply run, list everything you already have, I can’t stress enough how important this is! A lot of people buy stuff they already have and didn’t use at all, just beacuse it’s time to buy something new. Don’t. Do. This.
BUY WHAT YOU NEED THE MOST FIRST!!! Start with the most basic things. Buy stuff you use all the time and you are 100% you will have to use it right away. My advice is to firstly buy notebooks and pencils or pencil leads if you use a mechanical pencil (you can never have enough of those!). That is the most important for me, but again, it depends on your school, your college, your program, your subjects, your classes, and your preferences of course. Sit down and ponder a little before you start buying supplies, you probably won’t need everything you thought you needed. Your wallet will be grateful for this.
Okay, but what about my work space?
Listen, we are all human beings. We make mess often. I know that you can feel under pressure to have everything tidy and sort out at all times when you see your favourite studyblr blog and how pretty and clean their desk and work space looks. But they probably don’t have everything clean all the time either!
People mostly post on the internet only the best of what they do, it doesn’t mean that everything is perfect when they don’t have to take pictures.
Don’t let that get to you, and don’t ever let poeple convince you (explicitly or not) that their lifes are perfect or better. They’re not.
Make sure that your stuff is organised. Not organised because you think it looks pretty or you have seen someone else doing it like that. Sure, you can have candles and plants on your desk, but if you then don’t have space to do actual work, what’s the point?
Organise your work space so you can easily find all your stuff and have an easy access to everything you need. Don’t feel bad if it doesn’t look exactly like what you had hoped it would look like. Everyone is unique, everybody has their own way of doing stuff and as long as it works for you, you’re the real winner here!
If you can’t commit enough time for decorating, leave it for when you don’t have to work. Once again, don’t let your grades suffer because you wanted a pretty picture! It’s not worth it, I’m telling you from experience.
Don’t stress if your desk is not clean 24/7, sometimes you just wont have time to clean up and that is okay. Earth won’t stop spinning.
What should I do with my studyblr then?
You want me to make it simple? You do whatever you want.
Your blog is your blog. Nobody can tell you how should your blog look or how frequently you should post. I can’t tell you what to do.
Everything that I have said so far is just my suggestions, you’re not obligated to listen to them.
And also don’t fell obligated to post all the time just because someone else is. Find your own pace that doesn’t stress you out and doesn’t get in the way of your duties. It’s kinda contra-productive when, because of the studyblr, you don’t have time to do some actual studying.
Just don’t let your blog be higher on your priority list than school and studying.
Sorry because this is all kinda jumbled. I didn’t have an actual plan when I started writing this post and this is not even remotely close to everything I wanted to write, but it took me three hours to type this out and I just want to get it away from me.
I hope I helped someone, and feel free to add any advice you think it is important!
#studyblr#advice#this is a long one#it took me three hours to write this i want to slam my head into the wall
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riverdale ep 1-3
these twins always make me >___>
oh yeah i knew jason was gonna die
this is very artsy
i thought he was murdered
oh
tragedy
oh......a mom for veronica
what is a...chocolate shoppe? and why? does it sell? burgers?
is veronica the new kid
OH KEVIN
the gay kid gweiopubgoewgnew
the acting in this is terrible
the archie actor is clearly not a real ginger so i approve of this casting lmao
“to pass time i started composing poems in my head” shut up archie
archie: says anything
betty: amazing!
lmao
betty: ive been thinking about us-
archie: is that a hot bitch i see
“we do, both of us, together”
omg
GNOIWPEGWE BETTY’S FACE IS KILLING ME
awkward
oh....archies dad
thats not archies dad
archies dad got that fat gut
“im a sophomore’ BITCH NO UR NOT
SHES GOTTA BE LIKE 25 LMAAAOO whaaatt
im still dying theyre supposed to be 15 gwenpiubgewo;gwe
“gay, thank god, lets be best friends” im gonna piss and die
wow
love these pussycats
“ive had every flavor of boy except orange” its better that
waywiongubwepogn;wegew
ARCHIE AND GRUNDY IM DYING!!!!
IM GONNA FUCKINGGG DIIEEEE
GRUNDYINOGEW;EWL
im pissing im
DYING
shes the music teacher
why wouldnt they just make up a new teacherniogwepng;ew WHY IS SHE MS GRUNDY!!!
oh
archies dad/veronicas mom have a....history
“chose the rich kid”
wow
so many divorced parents
outdoor cafeteria
when will i see a high school that has one of these forreal
i assume its a west coast or south us thing
kevin: refers to cheryl as a widow
me: i called the JOKES
“is cheerleading still a thing?” “is being the gay best friend still a thing”
the dialogue in this show is terrible its so funny
im glad betty/ronnie is a good ship
grundy is all turned on by archies music
this is so gross and im DYING
“i dont think thats a good idea” cuz u fucked a 15 year old bitch
oh
theyre not talking about the fucking
did cheryl murder her brother
why doesnt just one of them say it and not mention the other
bitch ur the only one who’d get in trouble ur an ADULT
that was so lackluster
wow
GNIWEUPGEW;OGWE
CHERYL’S FACEGNIEW;GEW
like yeah....not the kind of heat i meant :\
oh
im glad cheryls the villain i always hated her
wow
veronica: i know who u are [has known her for 2 minutes]
this dialogue is so unnatural and bad its cracking me tf up
get WRECKED cheryl
veronica: betty and i come as a matching set
i bet u do
time for football
“what you got something better to do” dont be rude
awww
“why did you defend me” just accept the kindness u fool
man
i like mr lodge
this is very awkward
was polly a character in the comics i dont remember her
WOW
“both of us” gewinouogbewgew
im DYING
in the headspace
“archiekins” gweinouobgweo;ngew
wow
“cheryl blossoms cheerleading squad.......”
bettys mom is so annoying
she sounds familiar
oh
mr lodge just sent a lotta money their way
why did the coach call his dad
he said hed give him a day
impatient ass
archies dad is just like :\
:/
:\
:/
these actors dont look related at all
which is funny to me
oh good its the pill in ibiza song
omg
i love that veronica is the speech giver in this show
moose/kevin gwiuebogiwgew
where is REGGIE
my SON
wow
openly talking about the illegal secrets at a big party
i just realized reggie is the asian guy
i didnt hear his name and couldnt figure out who tf that was gweopiubgwe;ngwe
im a fool
whered ronnie go
dancing with the gay guy, god
“i have this fantasy of us as a power couple” who asks someone out like that
STOP STARING AT GRUNDY
this is super awkward
cheryl is gonna murder...everyone
they could just
chill
“cheryl blossom truly is...the antichrist” just all her a bitch like a normal person
“we’re not just friends we’re best friends” shut up archie
wOW
hes NEVER FELT for betty
if these two make out i s2g
once they kiss cheryls gonna open the door
foolish children
ronnie dont DO IT
foolish
sighs
boring
what how tf would she know they made out
did they not come out at exactly 7 minutes
ok but wheres betty
oh hey jughead
i like jugheads not-crown
oh
now shes goin straight for love
“of course i love you” hes being so...obtuse
annoying
oh
ok now its about not being good enough
sure
did they find jayjay
and look at that
he got shot in the head
probably by his sister
ok
its obvious cheryl did it
im sure theyll switch it up like somehow it was secretly jughead
but it was cheryl
ok ep 2
fgewgw
why were they even fuckin at 6 am
cant believe they made moose gay
i forgot his gf’s name in the comicsniguwebgew
god
the actor that played jason was so uggo
GEWNIOG;EW SHARING A SHAKE WITH HIS TWIN SISTER!!!
maybe someone shot him for being so openly incestuous with his creepy sister
i know its like plagueing archie now but i feel like this should help him
“are you up?” “no” “youre killing your mother”
he went to grundys house
weird
and hes shirtless
“you could be expelled” “we could go to jail” NEITHER OF THOSE THINGS WOULD HAPPEN TO HIM!!!
pedophilia is not a two way street
oh
bettys mom is...the worst
betty plz dont talk to your bitch mother about your life
i love archies eyebrows
i hope this is the end of archie/betty forever
wow
“sardonic humor”
oh
bye jughead
oh
is kevin not out to his dad
“the yellows for friendship” sure
veronica is so aggressively into this friendship
YAYYY
the otp stays together
wow
betty u are a fool
that is your future WIFE
oh
hi mr weatherbee
cheryl is wearing a spider pin gewoinubgewlngkew
CHERYL
archie and mr weatherbee just gonna
make eyes
jughead: archie you KILLED him
fewijohuog
HE THINKS ARCHIE DID IT
no jughead i was just fucking the hot prof
jughead: ew
fewiougobewgno;ewlgew
kevin moose is your new bf
“fate throws us together” ok
wow
why is he rejecting moose
because hes in the closet???
hes clearly trying to come out cmon
oh
everyones terrified of cheryl now so thats good
oh
bettys mom
“i ship it” why
“moose has an official girlfriend...mitch” i feel like i heard this line wrong
oh, betty
dont cry sweetums
“im supposed to say yes” THE DIALOGUE
ronnie is trying so hard with these dramatic white ppl
really
they couldnt even keep weatherbee fat
is this channel afraid of fat ppl
wow
does this bitch just sit in her empty ass music room all day
is she not really even a teacher
DONT TALK ABOUT FEELINGS
YALL ARE GROSS!!!!
disgusting
bitch get a dog and leave teenagers alone
WOW
WOW LMAAAAOOOOOOOO
AAAAAAA
JUGHEAD: WHAT!! GROSS!!! WTF!!!
this is not high school cheerleading
one of the girls here actually looks like a high schooler
cheryl just called herself exoticgewiongewiogew; CUZ YOURE A GINGER? BITCH
i die
oh
betty why
wOW
betty dont do this
cheryls a crazy ho
i know theyll make up by the end of the ep but still
“like we were meant to be best friends” gweniguebwg
2nd grade tutor
gewinogubwegw
“oh, little archie-” little archiewgn;klew I DIE
references are what i live for
i cant believe betty let cheryl into her house
wheres her mom to scream and chase her out
welp
there goes that
betty dont let her into ur HOME
oh
whats betty doing
“BEFORE I KILL YOU” BETTY
terrible thing to say
are they not friends because archie stood him up
cougarngiewgew
SHES A PEDOPHILE
awkward
i guess bettys mom coulda killed jason
“sometimes a friend is better than a boyfriend” actually, always, not sometimes
oh reggies finally doin something
gonna keep up the reggie/jughead rivalry
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
ok
“you wanna d the right thing” the way archie said that made it sound like he wants to fuck her and she doesnt want to
but whatever
so does jughead and bettys friendship not exist in this universe
nod like douches and mutually suppress our emotions
wow
this dialogue is still awful its so funny
i hope it never improves purely for my amusement
out door pep rally...
[dances]
fewiulgbew
AHH HONEY HONEY
YOU ARE MY
CAAAANDY GIIIIIIRL
good shit
oh
cheryls having a Time
god the kid that plays jason is so uggo
oh
bye cheryl
finally getting a genuine emotional response from her
were they gonna fake his death for attention but then he was actually dead
yayyy
make up
veronica is over here like “betty and i were destined to be friends” and betty is like “im sure we wont know each other in a week”
aww archie and jughead back 2gedda
does jughead know betty or not
wheres the jughead/betty brotp of my past
veronica and jughead: interact
me: yes...
im glad that, unlike in the comics, archie is not dating both girls at once and then also every other girl he meets
where ya goin weatherbee
wha
A CHALKBOARD LOL
i doubt a school like this would have a chalkboard instead of a smartboard
oh
did she do it
gasp
im sticking with my fake death for the attention theory
OK LAST EP
im enjoying this show
but i dont think i could take multiple Dramatic Teen Shows
how could cheryl be wearing that skirt in public school
“the plan was bananas”
oh
jason just wanted.....to leave
thats fine
oh
who got shot
gwneio;glkwe
in my neighborhood it wouldve just been the hunters
is archie gonna have a shiner for the rest of the show
oh
is betty not poor as shit in this universe?
i shouldve guessed from her moms outfits
“a lois lane type like you” nice and ronnie can be clark kent
omg leave grundy alone so she can die in hell
wha
why didnt you just say that you were alone
oh
dog
ok
a date....
oh
hes hot
good call, ronnie
CHUCK CLAYTON
“hes kind of a player” dont be racist, betty
he is hot as hell tho
awww “juggie”
finally jughead and betty are 2gedda
jughead you need shit for your college applications
oh right, dilton
what
“im not ten years old” but you are 15 which is not very different
so if chuck is in the show is nancy gonna be around too
ronnie/chuck is a good ship
“to OUR relationship” shut the fuck you youre a pedophile
wow
the sticky maple....
wow
chuck was cute
ronnie is gonna tear him apart
man
why does chuck have to be a dick!!! chuck was always a nice guy
fewionpgnew
betty: [COVERS FACE]
destroy him
PUNCH HIM
why is chuck a villain im bothered but also hes the worst destroy him
this terrible au version of chuck is terrible
“nothing is off the table...except for my body” weiugblewnkg
i love the pussycats
is this every other girl chuck did this to
oh
its ethel
hi cheryl
go away
lmao
whose this kid
wow
ok jughead
dont steal his ice cream
oh
dilton shot a gun gwoinegbpweo;nglwe
survivalist?!?! DILTON
IM DYING
HES A TECHNOLOGY OBSESSED NERD
why do the pussycats roll their eyes at josie
“a bnd with b&v”
did they find...ze book
so the football players dont even fuck the girls its just about getting a date and a selfie???
oh
cheryl, doubting her brother
what
just take the book
why not...just take the book
powerful
bettys rly lucky her mom isnt violent
(for now)
oh
she looks super awkward in that
omg
the sound of bettys lil demons in her head
“and a hot tub....”
this is such an awkward conversation
just imagining this with real 15 year olds is ridiculous
oh hey ronnie
chuck youre so fucking stupid
shes wearing a swimsuit and heels this is CLEARLY A TRAP
GWENOIGO;NEW
BETTY
black is not a good hair color
ronnie: im so turned on
GEWNIOG;EWG
SLAP!!!!
i just realized why archies dad is so familiar
he was on generator rex AND clone high
love it
part of me always liked archie/josie
15 is not late wtf
“slut shaming...its what they call it when sluts get shamed” wow
when does bettys mom get murdered
um
are they gonna burn him
UM
um
betty
LMAO
shes fine shes just pissed
awww
dads gonna support u now
must be NICE
gweoniugbweo;gew bettys face when ronnie said she called chuck “jason” was so funny
are they gonna do some she went off her meDS OO---OOOHHHA AAAHHH TERRIBLE BEAST
#burn it
cheryl tryin to make up for ze past
i still hate her idc
omg when does grundy get murdered too im done with this pedophilia subplot
STAY AWAY
FROM THE CHILD!!!
-___-
dilton you fool
im happy juggie and betty are hanging out
oh
dont mention ms grundys car
NO
YOU
FOOL!!!!
im tired of this pedophile plz shoot her next
ok im all caught up
whens the next episode
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Hey, I have a question regarding test anxiety. I'm a junior in high school right now (11th grade) and I was diagnosed with GAD in 9th grade. But I'll admit that I was a mess in 9th grade - I didn't do my work, it was always rushed, my depression was terrible, I never focused and my GPA was in the gutter. But last year, in 10th grade, I improved a lot. I improved my work habits, I focused, I did everything I possibly could. And I actually did well. I managed to pull a 3.78. Not too shabby. +
(cont) + and this year I’m continuing my work habits. I’m in the IB Diploma programme so the courses are a lot harder but I swear to god I’m trying. But my GPA dropped to a 3.6 and I promised myself I would bring it up. And I studied so goddamn hard for my exams, I swear I did, but I got a C on my business exam. And my grade dropped, and my GPA dropped. I review a lot, I swear. I had a study session with one of the smartest people in my biology class and we went over everything. She told me not +
+ but I can really see that I need the help. My thoughts are drifting toward suicide, and as much as I know that I SHOULD ask for help, I don’t WANT to. My GPA dropped to a 3.4 today. I was at a friend’s house when I found out and I just went to the toilet and cried. All my life (before 9th grade) I was a straight A student. I got awards, I was athletic, I was an all-rounder. But now? I’m stupid, I’m fat, I’m ugly. I can’t do anything right. +
+ I feel like I’m constantly cheating people? I don’t think that makes sense. By people call me smart because I understand the material and I can easily explain it to them, but they don’t know that I don’t do well on tests. And I feel like I’m cheating them and hiding who I truly am. A couple of my friends know, but they don’t really help me out. I mean, yes, they’re there for me. But it’s not directly helping with my anxiety. ++ and I’m sorry for this long message. I don’t know why I sent it on anon to you, because you can’t help me from behind a computer screen, and that’s perfectly okay. I get it. It’s okay, really. But I think I just needed to vent. I need some sort of validation that I’ll do okay in life and I won’t flunk out of high school. I’m just…I’m tired. All the trying and still failing is frustrating me so much. I’m about to just quit trying at all. Why bother? +
+ I’ve tried everything - breathing slowly, reviewing more, clenching and relaxing my muscles, everything. But nothing seems to help me and I just get more and more nervous. Anyway, I’m sorry for this rant. I just really needed to let all this out somewhere. Thank you.
Hi anon,
Thank you for yourmessage. Thank you for having the courage to share this with me and forreaching out - everyone needs a space to vent and I'm glad that I could helpyou in that regard.
My answer is noreplacement for medical advice, which I actively encourage you to seek ifnecessary. However, from the tone of your message it sounds like you want afriend, someone to listen to you as opposed to medical advice that you'vepreviously sought.
I'm no doctor, but Ican be a friend.
On working hard and not receiving the grade you want
From your academichistory it sounds like you're a very capable student. I do not doubt for asecond that you've studied hard, dedicated yourself to your studies, andstepped up to meet the challenges of the IB Diploma. Just because your academicresults do not reflect that effort, doesn't mean that it was all done in vain,or that it was a waste of time. Just because you didn't get an A, doesn't meanyou didn't try.
I was raised on thephilosophy that "if I didn't achieve the best result, obviously I didn'ttry hard enough, and therefore I need to work harder." But life doesn'twork that way. The academic system does not work that way. You can try hard and still fail. Becausethere's a thousand and one factors that are beyond your control, no matter howhard you've tried to control them, or mitigate their adverse effects. Success is not a reward that youautomatically are entitled to just because you've worked hard.
The grade youreceive will never ever be an accurate reflection of the effort or thesacrifice that you put in. It only accounts for your performance in that tinysnapshot of time - at that exam hall, in that hour, of that one day of yourlife. That's it. It doesn't tell me whether you're a good person, doesn't tellme anything about your sense of humour, what tv shows you like, what songs youlike to sing in the shower, what your favourite flavour of ice cream is. Itdoesn't tell me whether you're a morning person or a night owl.
What hurts is whenwe fail to meet our own expectations. And how we deal with them. I've writtensome posts addressing those points here and here.
On practical advice re: test anxiety
Once again, ifyou've found that seeking professional medical help has assisted in the past, Ihighly recommend that you seek it out.
Personally, when Ireceive a grade that I'm disappointed in I try to frame it this way: "Itwasn't because I didn't put in enough effort - it was because I was directingmy efforts in the wrong direction."
Its not about howmany hours you study - its about whether your studying habits are addressingthe assessment criteria.
This requires you totailor your studying habits to your curriculum and assessment style.
Don't learn thingsyou won't be assessed on. Prioritise the topics you need to learn by referenceto how much time your teacher spent on it during class, the proportion of thecourse the topic took up in your semester, and whether or not you've been assessedon the topic prior to the exam or not. Ask your teachers. Alternatively, deducewhat your exam will be like by looking at the format of past exams.
Find some time toreplicate exam conditions - for example, doing practice exam questions, workingunder time pressure. Set up familiarpatterns of behaviour you can replicate in the exam hall - for example, I wouldalways have my watch on the top right hand side of the table and place my sparepens right under, with my waterbottle on the floor. Going through the samesequence of events when I entered the exam hall helped me "get into themindset" and calm me down.
Whilst nothingreally ever compared to the 'exam' hall for me, I found that being 'familiar'with what to expect made me feel much more prepared when I sat the exam. Sure,my hands still shook when I entered the exam room, and I still felt like Iwanted to hurl, but due to conditioning, my mind adapted to working under thatkind of pressure. And whilst I wasn't performing as well as I would be had Itaken the same question home and "studied" it; at least I wasperforming in an exam environment.
And in the end, that's what it boils down to: it doesn't really matter whetheror not you're performing at 100% in the exam hall - as long as you're puttingsomething on the page, you will be ok. It wont be perfect, but you're gettingthe fuck through it.
And yes, all the"general" tips apply. However, if you're finding that they're nothelping, be brave and seek advice from elsewhere - whether that be medicalhelp, online, journaling, or having an activity outside of the hectic hell holethat is high school.
On getting help
"Knowing"and "accepting" something are two very, very different things.Knowing that you need help doesn't mean you accept that you need it. Acceptingthat you need help does not automatically mean you will get help. And that'sok. Give yourself time to assess your options. Don't feel like it's a "race" to get help - no one should beforcing you to 'get help' nor judging whether or not you do. It's yourrecovery.
But give yourself awarning flag - a threshold that, once breached, will be a sign for you tore-evaluate your options.
Friends are friends.And good intentions are just that - intentions. They don't magically translateto a cure. And its great that they're there for you. But support, whilstuseful, doesn't mean that things will automatically be ok.
Because in the end,its something for you to accomplish.
I think of it as aship. My friends are my crew - they row the boat with me, we share funnystories about what we see on the sea, we swear and curse and cry and love.They'll support me through thick and thin. But in the end I'm the captain of myship, I need to steer the ship in the right course. I still need to call theshots. So we can all get there together.
On imposter's syndrome
Anon, I feel thisall too keenly.
As someone who has'held themselves out' to be studious, or to be smart, or who completed an 'advanced degree so oh my god you must besmart', when I don't meet those supposed expectations, I feel like I am animposter. Like somehow, I've "talked to talk" but failed to"walk the walk"
I feel like I don'tdeserve my achievements.
That some day,someone is going to see me for who I am and take all those achievements awayfrom me.
But it boils down tothis: I feel like I needed to 'prove' myself to people.
But why? You don't need to be perfect, you don't needto be "the smartest person" just because you've been labelled as"smart". You're human - which means you can be a duality of things.You can be study-smart, but street stupid. You can be street smart but studystupid. You can excel in practical application but be at a loss when it comesto theoretical application.
You don't need to beperfect to be "genuine".
You're human. You'reallowed to make mistakes. You are more than this stupid arbitrary box that thepeople around you have chosen to define you by.
And you are morethan your academics. Just because your ability to explain things verbally isn'treflected in your written grades doesn't mean you're "dumb" orcheating, or hiding who you truly are. It probably attests to how you're averbal communicator. And in the end that's only one very small piece of thepuzzle. Who you are doesn't stop at that first sentence.
I'm a law graduate.I'm smart. I also procrastinate the shit out of everything and regularly pullall nighters, drink too much, stay in bed all day, cry and feel lost.
All those sentencesare accurate. Who I am doesn't stop at the first full stop.
You're not hiding who you truly are. They're just notgiving you a chance to elaborate on that picture.
On how you are going to get through this
You will get throughthis. You've picked yourself up before and pushed through. You don't need to bethat "all rounder" - you just need to be the version of you who you'dlike to be at this point, at this time. It'll come in small steps, your smallvictories of the day - but define them and celebrate them.
Remember life is not a collection of binary outcomes.Just because you didn't get an "A" does not mean that you've failed.Just because you're not "athletic" doesn't mean you're"fat". There's so many shades of grey in between. It's not one or theother; its just a work in progress.
Keep working on it.
Its easy for me tosay because I've completed high school, university, all that jazz. Hindsightand all that. But you will get through this - tooth and nail. And when you comeout on the other side, you'll be able to help others to get through too. Find somethingthat will get you through - heck it doesn't need to be some "life longpassion or dream" that every movie and studyblr talks about - it justneeds to be something small, something that will get you out of bed, somethingthat will help you be kinder to yourself.
And when its doneand dusted, I can't promise you that life will be perfect, or that you'll havethe life you're dreaming of, but I can promise you that it'll be different towhere you are now.
And sometimes, thehope of change is all we need to get through.
And finally, on how its really, really, really ok to send melong messages
I can't stress toyou how much I admire your bravery for sharing your experiences with me. I'mnot confident that this message will change anything, or fix anything. But Ihope, at the very least, its helped you feel less alone.
For a moment.
Because messageslike yours are the only reason why I continue to run this shitshow of a blog.
So thank you.
All the best anon.I'm rooting for you.
#test anxiety#studyblr#exam#study#high school#failure#fs: replies#look this is a rambly reply and I'm sorry its so late#but sometimes a conversation needs to be had#and the only way i can do so is via essay#when in reality I want to give you a huge hug#so consider this a hug of words#anonymous#because its hitting like fucking 5am here and I wrote this for you
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My First (and hopefully last) soapbox post
Disclaimer: this is a rant, if you aren’t into that sort of thing then by all means, pass this by and enjoy other folks’ posts. Normally, I wouldn't add to the vast number of these already drifting around the web as I usually just shout these things over a nearby cliff when I’m in the mood. Tonight however, my neighbors are home and they, unlike all of you, cannot simply scroll past my shouting. Before you read this I would also like it to be known that just because I’m ranting does not mean I don’t think i’m fortunate or that I’m not thankful for what I have or what people have done for me. On the contrary, much of what I’ll be ranting about makes me relieved that I don’t have more serious problems to deal with like starvation or having to provide for a family. On occasion I just get fed up and need to vent a bit, even if it means setting my opinions adrift into the vast uncaring sea of memes, misinformation, porn, and cat videos that is the internet. Lastly, I’m going to apologize in advance for the atrocious grammar your about to see, I’m tired, a bit out of practice with my writing, and honestly, wont be bothered to go through this whole damn thing when i’m done to make sure all the I’s are dotted and all the T’s are crossed. I also get a bit wordy with my writing when I’m angry, just to warn you. So without further adue, I’ll begin:
I am, like many others I suppose, frustrated and frankly a little pissed off with my current state of affairs. Though this frustration has been brought to new heights by the recent onset of the corona virus, it has its source awhile back. From about the age of eleven, I’ve had a kind of foggy, but constant, Idea of what I wanted out of life: a small house far enough out in the country that I wont have to see my neighbors on any given day if I want to but close enough to civilization that I would have to go on a quest every time I needed milk and eggs. this house would preferably back up onto a stream or creek and have a garage for me to work in. I also always wanted to have a job that would allow me to study history, help people in some way, and would either allow or require me to travel a bit. Finally, if I got over my shyness and was fortunate enough, I hoped I’d find a partner to share all of that with, unlikely as it is that I could find someone patient or crazy enough to put up with me (no kids though, I doubt I’d make much of a father). When I was younger, and more naive, I would mention some or all of these things to people I looked up to, like my father, my teacher or my uncles. Though their responses varied a little, they all carried the same basic advice: work hard, be honest, do well in school/college and with the exception of love, you can have what you’ve dreamed of.
So, I followed their advice: I got through grade school with flying colors though my reading disability made it a bit difficult, got through college with a 3.6 G.P.A, presented a senior thesis to the history department, and worked whenever and however I was needed on family’s various home repair, boat repair, and farm duties, all the while holding out for the metaphorical light at the end of the tunnel. Towards the end of my senior year I began to look for work for history majors but, like so many other ill-prepared liberal arts majors before me, couldn't find a job that didn’t require prior experience. graduation came and went, I kept looking and found nothing. my friend-group split up and went our separate ways, I kept looking and found nothing. The first of many student loan payments started showing up in the mail, I kept looking and, well, at this point I’ll wager you know where this is going.
Now, I live at home and work in a wholesale department of a greenhouse. my days usually consist of loading and unloading trucks, working on a planting line (think assembly line but for flowers) and packaging thousands of plants for shipping. its hard work, but the wage is decent for the job (12$per hour) and my coworkers are nice, most of them are recent immigrants from El Salvador so my practical Spanish has improved alot over the last year and a half. And to top it of most of the time my foreman doesn't usually mind if I’m five or ten minutes late to work.
However, sometimes, when I’ve been on the planting line for so long that my vision blurs a little and my shoulders ache from being in the same position for too long, or when one of my coworkers tells the same joke about testicles for the fourteenth time that day when it was only a little funny the first time, I cant help but ask myself: I can do better than this, can’t I? This isn't to say that I think that I’m better than the people I work with, many of them have endured hardships and supported their families despite the odds in a way that I think, demands anyone’s respect. But often I look at where I am in life and think: did I really just spend all that time and effort and take out all those loans just to end up in a worse position than where I started? Did all those people who advised me in the past lie to me, or were they just misinformed? Is there really any way I can still achieve that dream of mine or should I just accept that with the way things are in America right now, I probably wont find a history job or own land, and perhaps I should just come to terms with that.
For a little while, I stubbornly resisted accepting this. I looked for volunteer opportunities figuring that I could work part time and that maybe volunteering would eventually lead to a job. I also kept looking for a different job, if not history, then perhaps something that would require me to do research or write reports. Hell, anything that let me use more of my head than just my brain stem would have been a welcome sight. but now, with this whole covid-19 thing, alot of people have been telling me that I “should be grateful to still have any job” and while I can see where they’re coming from, I also cant help but despair and be a bit angry, not at them you understand, but at the general state of things: Is it reasonable that after all I’ve done that I should not just settle for the life I have now, but be grateful to stay in it? am I being ungrateful? perhaps I’m just not looking at this from the right angle? I bare my situation to your judgement good people of the internet, wise or foolish as it may be.
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I dont wanna clog up anyones dash so... i put it under read more
So my bff said her mom is left handed but was forced to write with her right and later switched back to left.
And she remembers it pretty well
I dont remember jack shit about elementary beside me crying about 1st grade math, writing everything backwards, crying even more, having shitty handwriting always, my hand hurting and crying even more.
Mom said I was supposed to learn how to write a 2 and i spend an hour on my desk crying and refusing to even pick up a pen.
But maybe thats just because I am stupid as shit.
Then later in Realschule when we had to write essays and all I know I had So Many ideas on what to write and instead of writing it in pencil first as a draft and then with ink like we were supposed to do i later skipped the draft because writing HURTS.
How does no one notice how much writing hurts?
So yeah because every letter is pain i started to learn how to write as fast and precise as possible so I need as few words as possible. And also because I would always forget everything i wanted to write and I didnt do the draft so there wasnt even a “backup” for my memory.
Also my handwriting never improved much its still “Barely readable”. At school it was like “I need to remember what i wrote because I sure as hell wont be able to read it later.”
And still.. what are numbers?
Someone says 42.. in english no problem but in german its Zweiunvierzig so I put the 2 first and then get confused.
Also.. lines? In my notebook? They might be they might as well not be there because my hand doesnt give a shit and writes wherever the fuck it wants to.
So all i remember from school is me crying about shit, crying about being bullied, constantly forgetting everything and being frustrated as shit because I cant write what I wanted to write and draw what I planned on drawing because neither hand nor brain cooperate with me.
And then more crying.
And also me not doing homework because WRITING HURTS!!!! (How can anyone write with a pencil?? Are you masochists? It HURTS)
So as a result i had to copy pages upon pages from my schoolbooks by hand as a punishment.
So congrats me...
But Im probably just fucking stupid and thats the only root of my problems
I diagnose myself with fucking stupid.
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Happy New Year everyone!! Its been a while since I’ve written and it’s simply or rather not simply been because the latter half of 2017 was whirlwind. It happens. I helped plan our high schools 20th reunion this past September, Kiddo was struggling with turning in his work on time and grades were suffering because 13 year olds…amirite? And then the holidays of course. I ended up having emergency surgery in December to remove the LapBand that I only had for 18 months. The good thing was I had lost 100 lbs, the sad thing was it almost killed me by slipping, and even worse I still owe $7,000 on that surgery and lord knows what the bill for this will be. I didn’t eat for 10 days and well the icing on the cake was a tree hit my house on New Years Eve. Clearly in a past life i angered the gods and apparently their time to shine was fourth quarter of 2017. It wasn’t all bad here’s a trip down memory lane for the year before i get to the reason for my post.
January: My first visit to Chicago!
January: Stood up to the Patriarchy and marched for Human/Womens Rights
February: Finally saved up enough money to paint my house. Now its not thescary house on the hill!
March: The Harlem Globetrotters ❤
March: The Harlem Globetrotters come to Mics school to help stand up to bullies
April: We scored tickets to the Playoffs
May: Taught myself how to install a light
June: Got to see my grandpa
June: Family Reunions Cousins
July: Lost a childhood friend. Honor the Moon
August: Fake Bachlorette Party- Level Epic
September: Niceville 20th Class Reunion
October: Happy Halloween!
November: Freedom is a beautiful thing, Welcome home Pat!
December: Finally! 100 lbs!
December: Part 2 emergency Surgery
December Part 3- The damn Tree
So now that that is out-of-the-way onto the Getting Rid of 100 Things. When I saw my friend on Facebook post it, i had to pause and i thought hmm how would i do this. The woman who posted it is full of wisdom and always inspires me to think so i knew not to take this lightly. Sure we can look at it physically throw away 100 items. Easy. But I thought I could mix it up to just try to improve my life in general. Yes, there will be a physical purge at some point but i thought it only right that my first thing to “Get Ride Of” is UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS.
It’s a new year. If you haven’t been constantly reminded of it by all the New Year New Me posts on Facebook then you’re lucky. I don’t normally make resolutions because I have a hard time committing to anything. Hell, I’m surprised me and my shadow still hang out. But I bit into the hype as one does and mixed in with having my LapBand removed and the fear of gaining weight i decided to sign up for a Women’s Half Marathon in November and that I was going to go on a low carb diet to get these last chunk of lbs off. I figured that i would lose 23 lbs in a month (WTF) AND RUN. Can I tell you that a week in I was sticking to the diet, worked out but jumped on the scale and i was 15 lbs heavier. Now before you oooh and gasp I need to remind you that prior to this I had emergency surgery, had not eaten for 10 days and then was on a liquid diet for a week so in that time I lost 25 lbs. Its only natural to gain it back for the health of your body as nourishment comes back to sustain you.
But I wasn’t reminding myself of that. I had failed. I gained weight back (which after weight loss surgery, it becomes your biggest fear) i had jumped into bad habits of thinking negatively, I stopped telling myself nice things in the mirror, I criticized my body who really did work very hard this year. I ate sad high protein food and punished myself when I didn’t lose 5 lbs overnight. I found myself crying and depressed and basically had resigned myself to dying alone, undiscovered for years on my couch. Yes I have a flair for the dramatic and it gets the best of me from time to time.
When I saw my friend post the #GetRidOf100Things i sat and thought and came to the idea that my first trash out for the new year was to get rid of the negativity. And that meant, for me. to Get Rid of Unrealistic Expectations. Not only as it pertained to my health, but overall when interacting with people. So ill break it down in the areas where I think this could benefit.
UNREALISTIC BODY EXPECTATIONS: Yes run that half marathon, do it for fun for camaraderie, do it for the adventure. Do not get mad if you don’t finish by a certain time, half to walk a little or are the last one to finish. Do not feed yourself sad food that makes you feel even sadder. Yes make better food choices, portion control, but if you want a piece of pie eat the damn pie. There’s no such thing as bad food enjoy the moment in moderation. Understand that a 23 lbs weight loss in a month isn’t healthy. When I had the LapBand I lost up to 1-1 1/2 lbs a week and i was ok with that. Eventually it got me to a 100 lbs weight loss (OK 85 now that I’m eating again) but if I was happy with a lb then, why all of a sudden is anything less than 7 lbs a week unacceptable?! Who wants to live like that. Stop setting myself up for failure of the heart and mind, I’m not going to win Miss Hawaiian Tropic and I’m OK with that.
UNREALISTIC RELATIONSHIPS: Honey if he’s just not that into you, there is nothing you can do to salvage that. This year I held onto, clawed and grabbed and tried to feed an unhealthy relationship because we had been friends for 15 years. I figured if the moon aligned right, i won the lottery, dressed pretty, was agreeable and the moon rose over Capricorn (whatever the eff that means) that it would just come together and guess what? all the sweetness in the world couldn’t make that work. In the end this person couldn’t even call me on my birthday and refused to sit with me in the hospital while i was waiting emergency surgery. Lesson here: You can’t get blood from a turnip. And I’m done trying to sell myself the story that i can. Next time ill read the room early and leave in time to enjoy the day.
UNREALISTIC TIME CONSTRAINTS: If I can do it I will, if i cant oh well. It is what it is
UNREALISTIC FUTURES: I have a vivid imagination. Oftentimes it gets the best of me and I go dark. Like real dark. I tend to think about the things that i don’t have and spiral down from there. Well circle back to me dying on the couch. In this scenario, I’m 38 years old, I’m unmarried and a single mom of one child, a dog and a cat. Often i think about how my son is almost a grown adult and will be going away soon to college or start his life. I imagine he wont call or come home often (even though he’s been raised better) and my married friends and family are all far away. I’m too old to date (nonsense) and I’m going to end up old and alone and no one is going to hold my hand as i leave this good earth. What the actual macabre shit brain!? So I’m going to try my best to not doom and gloom myself to the point of insanity. The next time I’m home on a Saturday watching TV and the cat is in my lap and my kid is upstairs ignoring me it’s just what it is. It’s not an indicator of what is to come and i will not in fact die on the recliner alone with the cat eating my face……you see what i did there? this ones gonna take work 😉
UNREALISTIC COMPARISONS: I will refuse to compare my journey with others. I will not look at Facebook pictures and get sad because my life isn’t like XYZ or that I cant buy a car like XYZ or that i wish i could buy those expensive xyz like XYZ. Not gonna do it. Its poison and leads to ungratefulness.
And that’s it. For my first throw away I am going to choose better health and get rid of Unrealistic expectations. What 100 things can you get rid of? I’d love to hear!
Get Rid of 100 Things: Chapter 1 Happy New Year everyone!! Its been a while since I've written and it's simply or rather not simply been because the latter half of 2017 was whirlwind.
#blog#dad#daughters#depression#google#life#mothers#sisters#action#awesome#community#compassion#DATING#GetRidOf100Things#holidays#inspiration#kids#lapband#lonely#newyear#parents#weightloss
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I aint got time for playing games just that chick who sets my heart aflame it aint no mystery what happened with her and me/ how it wasn't meant to be/ how we fell apart like the little statuette I made of my art group leader in his honour cos it wasn't properly prepared for the kiln/ am I ready to endure that blazing tongue licking trial and torture/ don't kick me when I'm down cos you will teach me nothing you will just breed little beasties of resentment in me/ which wrap themselves around my neck and strangle the living daylights out of me/ in Jah I delight if you didn't know already/ rocking steady to this beat/ the music that's playing in my head when I write this/ I wont be defeated by my pitiful circumstances/ they say time heals all wounds but I've still got scabs cos I keep picking them open every time they start to recover/ breaking the bars of my skin cells cracking them open like fortune cookies/ fresh blood flows out my flesh/ I look like a wookie when folks give me stress/ I'm so blessed/ not oppressed by demons any longer/ though you might think otherwise if you saw the way I treat those pretty witty butterflies that come into my net/ live my love life with no regret/ you can make me soaking wet like the sea/ but I crave a deeper intimacy than the kind that your mind could ever possibly provide/ and its deeper than just bumping and grinding for me/ I want that church and steeple kind of love/ I want that sunday morning you in that white wedding dress kind of love/ I want the whole world knowing about us kind of love/ I don't like doing things in the secret chambers of a garden dark/ hey why should we hide our affection from the world we have been doing that for far too long and you wonder why I snapped my link with you/ don't expect to be respected if you aint prepared to show it shorty/ I aint hating on you I still love you but we can never be together again you already know that/ I know you harbour no illusions about the potential of the two of us to be together/ I'm desperately scribbling like an idiot jailbird chewing his last meal to avoid the temptation of another live video broadcast I shouldn't be watching streaming from the lounge room of some cutie I probably shouldn't be friends with but my love for God is endless/ so can I extend a benevolent hand without my motives being twisted all out of shape like pipe cleaners/ some say I'm a dreamer cos I spit that utopian paradise concept I utilize these skills not to pay the bills just to entertain the masses/ some may say I'm classist nah I'm just a classic/ like retro reebok or Adidas sneaks/ I do speak my mind in volumes copious compendiums of the freedom I've been extended by Jesus/ I won't end up like my grandfolks did/ going to hell in a handbasket/ unless they truly turned around on their deathbeds/ I've got to hope what they confessed to my moms n pops was genuine/ cos id sure hate not to see their lovely faces in heaven/ its pretty tricky yo when youre the second generation/ passing on the truth you learned from your ancestors/ I can relate to that indigenous struggle to maintain cultural heritage/ keep the language alive/ keep our songs and dances going/ put our art on blast/ cos we don't want our past to always remain our past sometimes we want it present in our future also/ only the bits that can potentially be redeemed for Jesus/ some say I'm an also ran/ but I aint gonna freeze up just because hate and criticism be on the increase/ shorty knows ive got it locked with Jesus He causes the evil to decrease in me/ less of me and more of you Lord this is my plea/ I know I cheat cos I don't flow to the beat/ just the music drumming in between my own ears/ perfect love casts out all fear/ you can tell I'm sloppy with my rhyme schemes panting for Christs living water like a thirsty deer/ unlike my homegirl channy I don't flow properly/ I do it sloppily but I'm still Gods property/ I dig this rap game ever since I was knee high to a grasshopper/ ive been that wannabe rhyme dropper/ homies hate on the skills got me wondering why don't they go ahead and do it themselves if they want to hear something slightly more endearing/ I would be cheering/ I aint hating for the sake of hating/ big up my homies I be celebrating/ not denigrating/ this is more than a recreational pursuit for me/ I would do it for a full time job but noones dangling golden cash carrots under me/ little wonder cos my thunder got stolen by way too many broken hearts and the molten lava I fell in/ cos my ego got in the way of my progress/ little girls calling me their idol/ people comparing me to my heroes/ as if I could ever be considered their peers and equals/ my head got big and swelled/ I could barely hold it up it was so bursting with pride/ yet when I chose to walk by the side of the lion of zion I realized how little I was without His help/ and what wee amounts of change I could accomplish stranded on my own on a lonely island/ selfishness just gets you nowhere fast/ ive got regrets for the way I used to live/ that die is cast but I broke the mould/ still haven't got a woman to have and hold/ for the rest of my life though when I do I'm gonna treat her like purest gold/ a diamond that's been cut innumerable times made more beautiful by her scars/ she will forever own my heart/ I hate the fact that I cant be with her right now/ I hate the fact that God said no to one girl but He might say yes to another/ plenty fish in the sea for this brother/ I know its a tired stale old cliché but I believe that I don't have to settle for a life of permanent bachelorhood/ and if youre a chick youre a spinster/ don't let them stick that bachelorette trash labelling on you/ whats in a name/ identity distinction/ you aint one of the bros you're your own person/ I give up on myself too soon just like I did with you/ strap me to a billion black balloons let them weigh down this sad faced clown/ fill them up with concrete when its still dripping liquid/ if that's even possible/ descriptive of the way I feel/ like I'm sweating bullets and lead/ scared of the future without a bae to call my own/ unlike that game show I don't aim to claim the throne/ I'm just happy playing follow the leader/ not straying from Jahs calling rounding up those stubborn ones I'm that sheep dog/ prodding cattle to get moving on a journey of self improvement/ no one knows the troubles ive seen or where ive been/ or the times when ive come in between a rock and a hard place/ or husbands and wives/ gossip separates friends/ and causes you to use kitchen knives/ for something other than slicing up animal meat/ I don't want any more blood flowing down our streets/ we already got robbed once I would be a dunce if I ever put myself in a position to allow that to happen again/ now God provided the money so we can claim back on insurance all that got jacked from us/ and so we could tighten our security/ Lord I wanna live a life of purity but you know what these two eyes see/ pretty young things find their way to me when I aint even looking for them/ so ive gotta be extra careful do that dip and bounce with my eyeballs/ when other dudes in seventh grade were making collages of busty babes I was pasting tiny babies snaps to my page/ we didn't even get to use a pen til then/ maybe it was freshman year/ can we live our lives without causing each others eyes to drip rivers of tears/ all of these days weeks months I wasted/ all of the blood on my lips I tasted/ only from my own d n a far as I could tell/ though some share the same as me/ in some small way linked by code of genetics to all of humanity/ its pathetic how we start race wars and act sexist/ all because were stubborn and pigheaded/ tell ourselves we can't forgive the wrongs of the past but that's a lie of the enemy/ crazy talk like suddenly sprouting legs and trotting round if you're a sea anemone/ I aint a portugese man of war I wonder what I'm fighting for/ instead of delighting in you Lord igniting that holy fire in me/ I'm frightened for what the future has in store/ I don't wanna be the same old me anymore/ but I find myself in wrestling matches with angels / like Jacob pretty soon I'm gonna wind up missing hip bones/ could you change my name to Israel/ so I know God will prevail evey time someone calls my name/ seeing myself as His success upon each occasion when they point out my failures/ and they will know us by the trail of the dead skin cells attached to bloody bandages we leave behind us when we go strolling down the gardens of the ghettos we all know and love/ I've still gotta live with the consequences of my actions this side of heaven/ I'm so dense and intense most cant handle me so they sit on the fence and observe the way my candles lit/ while I collect my dollars and cents and just smile cos Gods a genius/ cracking me up cos suckers and liars said I could never make any money outta this biz/ guess what I proved them wrong even though that wasn't the motivating factor/ saving souls and taking care of my future family was the only reason why I ever wanted to get cashed up/ I talked way too much trash for my own good/ folks misunderstood the way I acted in my neighbourhood/ losers calling themselves outlaws/ if they got locked up in jail how would they feel for real/ bush rangers strangers highway men by way men/ you aint going my way men so I can relax/ and even if you did pull me over to one side and told this kid to give his money cough that cash give it up quick smart like pash rash or risk losing his life you think i'd care to open my wallet for such deviants/ losing my life means nothing to me cos its in the hands of Jesus stupid/ so I aint fretting if you pull a gun on me and stick it to my head tell me that youre gonna pull the trigger on my skull and blast it to smithereens/ cos I know who my king is/ and I know where my future is/ lying beyond the stars/ they treat me like a spider from mars sipping cider from a glass/ eyeball with a hole where the pupil should be/ I'm like john lennon legend and tupac I wrestle with my own vanity/ that's insanity/ but one out of three found Jesus in the end/ at least that's the truth of which I'm convinced my friend/ some say I'm gonna deal with my sorrow tomorrow then they don't live another day there has to be a better way/ homies who consider themselves sold out for Jesus still watch movies with cussing does that even bear discussing/ why the shortie of my dreams watching scream queens better yet what I'm doing in that haunted house I should ask myself/ why the ski mask or hockey like Jason why I'm chasing that dragon why I'm facing these giants why I see myself as a dwarf but my God towers over my oppressors/ why I love the fact that He forgives me despite my constant messing round with transgressions and gressors/ how am I supposed to address this/ so much we don't talk about for the sake of love/ like I quit paying out on atheists/ cos I knew that wasn't winning souls for His kingdom/ it wasn't Christs mindset/ even though I don't believe that atheists truly exist theyre such an easy target/ I close my eyes and try to forget/ about all the blood sweat and tears it took to get my homegirl to where she is today/ thank you Lord for all the change you have brought to her life that death for life exchange/ I had to force myself to slow down cos I wasn't getting anywhere speeding too fast through life/ is it cos I drink too much coffee that I'm mentally rushing through this cconversation already thinking of what I'm gonna do with my day once you're up and gone/ why can't I just chill with it and enjoy the moment/ I don't have a remote control button to freeze the sun and keep you here with me shortie so I've gotta lap up the milk of time you're giving me like a happy cat and don't complain/ cos I cant prolong your stay for any longer than you wanna be here/ I'm sincere in my apology for trying to express my love for you in a physical way before you were ready/ I should have stuck with emotional expressions of the deep impression you carved into my heart right from the very start/ I guess I should have been more careful the kind of pics I was allowing my eyes to look at less than an hour before meeting you/ now I'm entreating you have mercy on me/ give me date number two/ or call it business meet/ cos I mix business with pleasure when the two of us are standing on the same street/ I'm demanding your attention never commanding it/ you could conquer the world if you quit hanging with twits/ do I include myself in that category/ guaranteed you could win a game of scattergories/ look at me I'm an allegory/ for what could happen if you trust in Jesus with your whole heart/ quit playing church and pushing HIm to the furthest branch of your birch/ I know sometimes life situations have got you out on a limb/ and I can't even imagine what you went through having to endure refugee camp/ dealing with that cramped space/ though I can relate to starting over in a brand new country where no one knows your name or face/ or the beauty of your personality/ I know it was hard for your folks cos they probably started at the top in your country then slid back to the bottom in ours/ having to begin all over again/ I remember how excited you were on the advent of becoming a citizen/ we've been through some happy times together/ getting higher than Everest/ stoked off that moment enthralled by your cleverness/ when you got into uni and excelled at those good grades/ when I saw you shining like constellations up on stage/ such a sensation I'm amazed/ you were on the line up for a folk festival I only visited as a paying guest/ is it only in my fantasies you lay your head down on my chest in wedded bliss/ baby let me comb your hair/ I love you in everything you wear/ can you do a fashion show for me when you select what you determine to be the best dress for that particular occasion/ you don't need any make up to look gorgeous/ I could wake up next to you every morning and fall asleep with my head besides yours on the pillow every evening/ you got me weeping like a willow cos I only share this double bed with ghosts and memories/ they say the rap game is a widow maker/ cos cats be onto you pouncing when you shake your money maker and bouncing round the house like that/ every dog on the block wants to chat with you/ wants to lock you in chains make a hood rat out of you/ but you aint going for their smooth talk/ cos your eyes are on your heavenly prize/ not just like some souls whose only goal is to see themselves blaze bright and all the rest of the world can just burn up like a pile of garbage you discarded in your yard cos you couldn't stand the sight of carnage/ they feed people to pigs in my country no really/ they got mafia operating in my local area maybe/ living next door to a bikie gang affiliated lady/ still she can't use her shotgun to make a hole in the foot of an intruder/ its crazy how our laws sometimes protects criminal elements more than it does those who are innocent victims/ I'm sick of chewing humble crow pie eating it just cos evil minded fools won't let sleeping dogs lie and give me peace/ as much as I care about the cause you're fighting for I can do it my own way without your help/ although you asked for mine you didn't want it in the way I was offering/ so I withdraw my assistance/ and I say forget about our friendship if you can't treat me right/ i'm not the scum between your toes/ i'm not a handkerchief you can wipe your bloody nose with/ i'm not that goober dripping from your snoz gonzo/ you think you're the fonz but you're barely fuzzy bear yet alone tonto/ Jah come to my aid pronto get this hate off my mind/ help me stop thinking about the friendships which I'm forced to leave behind/ should have drowned his companionship when my homegirl left me/ romantically though I was the one who hopped on that plane/ I didn't get why wendy Matthews song was sad cos I associated blue skies with gladness even though billy was right they do bring tears/ yet they can also fill you up with cheer/ when you know theres sunshine for days so yall can come out and play/ and I struggle to relate to songs about the sun which stays bright until late in the evening like those catastrophic gothic trolls panicking at the disco / cos I operate under a different hemisphere but I'm more concerned about concentrating on what unites us instead of what divides/ believe it or not/ I'm ripley praying for those victims of homicide regicide and suicide/ suckers talked about killing God yet He still lives/ despite all of our obnoxiousness such snotty nosed punks He still forgives/ some get drunk off their own pretentions of genius/ yet they forget God is the one who gives their clogs their cleverness and their pants their smartness/ I wont be a bossy boots if you don't shoot the messenger/ did I forget Jesus is in the drivers seat/ I permanently play the role of passenger/ who paid for my passage Yah/ I aint saying things just to massage your ego/ I don't care if the truth is offensive to people/ though I try to speak it in love I don't shove folks in boxes/ without my spirit finding its home in Christ I'm a vagrant with no fixed address having no place to rest like He spoke of Himself in unfavourable comparison to vixens and foxes ❤ 🙂
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from the looks of things no way in hell should you rely on your school to follow that rule about them not being allowed to tell parents stuff that could result in harm for the child unless you have another teacher reinforcing that rule with regards to your particular case. even then theres no guarantee that one wont be an evil asshole but its much less likely if they know they cant use "i didnt know" as an excuse.
to be fair, the time i had big problems because of a teacher calling my parents, she just told my mum that i was failing her class. which i guess isn’t seen as a “thing that could harm the child” but obviously she wasn’t aware how how severely and badly my parents were going to react (also she never told ME that i was failing which was a problem too)
but i don’t think she could have realized what was gonna go down. Bc i think teachers are like “oh i call their parents they might get grounded until they improve their grade” not all the shit that happened because she couldn’t have known that because my parents aren’t reasonable people.
I think it’s more realistic in the view of teachers that kids get kicked out for being gay and trans and that’s like a really obvious thing.
I’m sure if i explicitly state “i’m here because i can’t tell my parents i disagree with them it would cause problems in my family” it implies enough that they know they shouldn’t tell my parents but it’s vague enough so no one tries calling cas.
But of course im sure there’s straight up asshole teachers who will pretend they didn’t know. I’m also gonna talk to my school social worker who will most likely be able to straight up tell the teacher supervisor they can’t call my parents and tell the principal and people at the board if necessary. Like if just so they know if they do call there’s back up and people know that they knew they couldn’t call?
im really actually hoping i can just sneak away because then i can hang out with @hospice-hound which would be really cool and exciting and fucking punk as shit lmao (’:
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