#and my grandpa only took his off when he had back surgery and I think one whole time when my dad was tiny

[chronicallymargaret]

the beginning

One morning in February of 2012, my mom had knocked on the door to wake me for breakfast and I told her I didn’t feel well. She went and grabbed the thermometer and it read 102℉. There was a sickness going around the high school at the time, so she told me to take some meds and rest. The next morning, my mom woke me up again to check my temperature and it had barely gone down. I stayed home again and followed the same regime. After my fever finally broke, my body didn’t feel right. I thought maybe I was just overly tired from being sick or maybe it was just the cold medicine wearing off. Eventually, I got to the point where I really didn’t think about the pain because I didn’t want to worry anyone. The family wounds were still healing from losing my first best friend, my grandpa, six years prior to cancer. Plus, I never liked people worrying about me because I knew that no matter what, I would always be okay - or so I thought.

High school was hard enough - let alone having a medical condition that not a single doctor in the tri-state area knew a single thing about. I kept my symptoms away from my parents for a very long time. Eventually, like most parents, they caught on that something wasn’t right with their kid. In December of 2012 along came the typical parental questions: “Margaret, are you doing drugs?” “Come on, kid, just tell me what’s going on with ya.” “Kiley Mae. Sit your ass down and start talking.” And then the never ending conversations and tears started to flow. I explained that, no - I was not doing drugs (I really was quite innocent here, Ma and Pops. Only a couple of times, I swear.). I finally broke down to my parents and told them the truth: Ever since that February morning in 2012, I’ve had a headache and chronic pain nearly every day.

Next thing I knew, my mom started researching and researching and more researching. She tried countless times to get clinics/doctors/specialists - you name it, she called them - to even listen to her. She called Mayo Clinic nearly EVERY DAY - practically begging on her hands and knees to fit me in to be seen by someone, anyone. She was my voice because no doctor or person took me seriously. I was “craving attention, a drama queen, drug addict/seeker, hypochondriac, lazy, not good enough, problematic, selfish, waste of money, time, and space.) I watched my dad’s hair slowly turn more and more gray as he worried about whether he should go to work to make money for the never-ending medical bills or go with his wife and daughter to find out the answers. (I hate how corporate America works. Since when has money become more important than one’s health? It’s disgusting and I wish we could change the system.) I watched my sister lack the attention from my parents that she deserved because they were constantly worried about me. (I am in no way, shape, or form calling out my parents. They have ALWAYS done their best in EVERY situation and that is why I am so proud to call them my parents - my heroes.) My high school friends secretively raised money to buy me a miniature pet pig to try to help make me feel better - my parents appreciated the kind gesture but said no because I needed to focus on my health. (I WILL own a pet pig one day - Dallas has already approved.

I have had a majority of my POTS symptoms under control over the last 10 years, but 2023 really screwed up my body. Due to all of the trauma and stress from not only everyday life, but miscarriages, surgeries, and mental health episodes as well - my body has been in FULL overdrive. I've been struggling trying to keep my life going and trying to ignore my health because I don’t want to give in to the fact that my POTS is getting WORSE and not better like I had been telling myself - and everyone I know - since the day I was diagnosed in July of 2012. Back then - yes, this was a frickin’ decade ago .. totally gross, I know. [“POTS was only seen in approximately 500,000 Americans. (https://www.aafp.org/pubs/afp/issues/2012/0901/p392.html)."] Imagine being 15 years old and you're a literal drop in the ocean of people who have something medically rare. What in the frick are the odds of that?

Flash forward to now, February 2024, I have nearly every symptom back plus new ones. My chronic symptoms are headaches - different intensities and locations, lightheadedness and dizziness, severe brain fog - I try not to drive on these days as I typically forget everything, insomnia, anxiety (omg .. I said the BIG “A” word), and depression (oooopps, I did it again bahaha). My new symptoms are: chronic abdominal pain - intensity and location has varied over approximately three months now, dry heaving, hot and cold intolerance (I told my work mom’s I feel like I’m going through menopause with how many hot flashes I have .. they giggled and said “Ohhh Kiley Mae, you have no idea what you’re in for - this is hardly nothing.” Also, can we talk about how important work relationships are? I love my work moms and work family - I’m very blessed on that front.), and vomiting.

The news that I learned today was that due to the dry heaving and vomiting, I now have a large hiatal hernia - part of my stomach is on top of my diaphragm. I’m currently waiting for a call to schedule a barium swallow test and I have a referral in with the University of Nebraska Medicine with a POTS specialist. I personally believe that I’m going to have chronic headaches and abdominal migraines - but I’m holding onto a little bit of hope that the doctor I currently have is going to confirm that the abdominal discomfort is from the hernia, not POTS. I plan on keeping this updated regularly because after I figure out what’s going on with me - I want to share my path of life so no one has to go through the medical trauma that I have.

Medical trauma is a huge part of not only who I am as a person but talking about it is the therapy that I am working through right now. I will eventually spill all of the emotions, but for today I’m going to talk about today. Because today was a very good day and I deserve to celebrate it.

My parents have become “snowbirds” and fly to southern Texas for the winter. Unfortunately, my endoscope ended up being scheduled while they were gone. I told my parents they didn’t have to come back home because it was a simple procedure, and everything was going to be okay. (Yes, I’m 27 and still take my parents to certain medical appointments because I’ve been hurt - I’m working on it.). I don’t know if it’s because I finally did it by myself or if the staff was told to be extra careful with me or what - but I had the most relaxing experience ever. No one looked at me like I was weird when I stated that I had POTS and would need an extra bag of saline. The first anesthetist actually shared with me that she also was diagnosed with POTS. I immediately got a smile on my face and asked if she was kidding. Coming from a small town, not very many people understood what my diagnosis is and again - I’ve been used to being a single drop in the ocean.

The anesthetist made sure to mark my charts and inform the rest of the care team my condition, what to expect, and what I would need after I woke back up. Anesthesia tends to send me into a flare up - especially with cutting off food and water after midnight. Once I got taken into the operating room, my actual anesthetist started asking me questions about POTS. He stated that he had heard of it, but only until recently. I started to explain how long I’ve had it. Then I just started word vomiting because this was a whole new experience for me - how I just want some answers but I’m sure they wouldn’t find anything. I had already come to terms with the abdominal migraines starting. He looked at me in the sincerest way and said, “Wow. You’re a strong woman. You’ve been through a lot but you’re so cool about it.” That statement right there hit me. I realized in that moment that, holy shit, I’ve persevered. I’ve climbed a huge hurdle today and I can’t wait to keep climbing.

If you've read this long - just know that I see you and I love you.

#chronic pain #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #chronic illness #mental health #medical trauma #ptsd #miscarriage

[findme-at1am]

Hahhhahhah context firstttt- My grandparents died two years ago, my grandmother first then a year and a couple days to be exact my grandfather followed. He took care of her in his last days, screaming at her and honestly verbally abusing her. As a teen I told my mother I couldn't stand to see it so my mother didn't force me. My aunt knew and did nothing, had ALL of his money and we're thinking near a million... Not a single nurse or even recommending one to papaw to at least scare him into acting right. She said and did nothing and never brought it up again, whenever it was brought up she'd act like it was a pain or bother and still post on Facebook how she's "putting her life on hold for both her parents 🙏" . Which she always went online to pat herself on the back or only associate with my family when my mother's health went down hill, then she was oh so humble /s "Thanks so much for giving my sister a second life 😇." Cool thanks for guilt tripping my mother while she was juggling kids, her own health, and her mother's health when you decided to guilt trip her over not visiting when she's getting dialysis, surgery, and medicine changes back to back and driving all the way to Ohio to do so (an 8hr drive all together to there and back home.)

My blood aunt, their oldest daughter, put herself over his will with no thought of my mother over ANY decision regarding the funeral, (not casket nothing.) didn't get either a live in aid/nurse, worked as an EMT at a tunnel full time (so well off AND no time to keep watch on my gmother who had dementia and was attempting to sneak out and gfather who had fell prior) and had ALL and I mean half a million put back from papaw's shit and she used it "all for the funeral..." And his house has the most thinnest walls, no wall separating the bathroom AND KITCHEN (at the time he was alive) AND A HOLE IN THE BATHROOM FLOOR LETTING AIR IN.. MY OLD GRANDPA KEPT A WHOLE JUMPSUIT ON 24/7 AND THE HEAT UP IN THE 80'S bro we suffocated and would always bring it up when we visited (for his sake obv.) and they both suffered living their last years here... And she let them while holding the money and saying "what else could I do."

Doing what's right would be a great start.

Of course after the funeral was done her car was paid off, her house completely paid off, retired early, got a boat and is having renovations done to her house as we speak and she does parties on her boat with a preacher who's church she pays the electric bills for... So where'd you get all that money when you said you've been "struggling" and "living off your taxes"...?

So now she recently found out she has cancer and was loopy due to the tumors pressing against vital organs for a week~ around her brain and lungs yet she has enough energy to guilt trip my family when they visit (I personally haven't bothered, I wanted to for a day then got a reality check that her actions weren't my fault and despite my feelings she didn't and never wanted a true relationship with me so). And roll her eyes when they actually act civil and WANT to see her.. My aunt's daughter doesn't want to tell my mother (her own sister..) anything regarding her health. Which is fine, but don't act like it's cause of my mother tho yours is just pure shit n rocks in a bag.

I'm tempted to post everything on Facebook and let her have it out in the open since she likes showing how good of a person she is and posting plates of food she brought papaw, right? 😊 You don't get a Cancer Get Out of Jail Free Card when you're being a cunt and every day I'm tempted closer and closer to making that side of the family mad and just making a PSA lmao 😊

#my familys gold diggers or money hungry and its so isolating cause honestly theyre not family #I have no close living relatives who dont act like that #its sad Ive never felt like I had an aunt except my great aunt #qvents #and its usually the 'christians' whos sits in church and doesnt hear a damn thing

[letsoulswander]

I always do this thing where I look at ace rings and go “aw :( those are cute :(” and then look at my own ring and sigh because mine is REALLY nice and I like it a lot, but it’s not that one

but I just realized that I wouldn’t be the first person to start a collection of jewelry for different occasions, so.... 👀

#improving #if I had like 4 or 5 ace rings that would be neat #and then I could have one that's just for like. doing work with my hands #and every day stuff #and for religious services or formal occasions #I know people who have different watches or wedding rings for different occasions #my grandma has a gold wedding band she still wears #but she also has a special occasion wedding band that has the stones from her first ring set in platinum #my grandfather's been dead for years so she doesn't wear the platinum ring on a daily basis #apparently my grandparents took their rings off so infrequently that my grandma wore through the band on her first two rings just. #wearing it every day till the gold wore away #and my grandpa only took his off when he had back surgery and I think one whole time when my dad was tiny #and it rolled on the floor while the kids were playing #I don't actually know that story but my point is #multiple ace rings #I don't have to not ever wear my favorite ones just because I have different ones #if I could find my LOTR ace ring I could wear that one sometimes too

[soh-da-meatball]

When did dad grow old?

I approached this comic with a much more simplistic lineart style, it's my first time attempting something like this (I think HAHA) and it was fun! it was really out of my comfort zone but I really liked it, I might try to approach more comics like this in the future!

Below the cut is a little open letter about why I drew this comic (cw: fear of losing parents, hospitals and general cheesiness!)

2 weeks ago, my dad was admitted into the hospital for chest pain. He had 2 clogged arteries in his heart and had to undergo surgery for it. 3 days later he was discharged and he’s now back to work. Just to not worry anyone, My dad is fine now, in fact it was almost like he never went to the hospital. He’s still lively and cracking jokes about his hospital stay, and we actually had a fight a week later over something silly, so he’s still got that spirit haha. I’m fine as well! I just needed to process some things through my art.

That morning when I received that slight frantic call from my mother regarding my father’s health, I had to stonewall my own emotions for the sake of my family to help each other pass this tough time with some stability. I didn’t want to admit to them that I was afraid, my father had undergo a similar surgery a couple years ago due to a heart attack, and this time the blockage was more severe.

In Chinese families, or at least in the traditional way that I was raised, emotions were shown through actions and not through words. My dad is very much like that, he’s a strong man that works hard behind the scenes for the sake putting food on the table, providing the clothes on our backs and making sure we received the best education we wanted. We didn’t have to worry about anything else but our studies and work, cause my pops took all the worry and stress and held it to himself, so that he could keep us safe and happy. Sometimes he would tell us that he cared, but it wasn’t often and it was only said during arguments.

My dad, to me is like the unwavering big tree in my life. He’s stable, he’s fun to play around, and you know he’s always there to provide shade whenever the sun got too hot or if you needed a place to rest, but he’ll never tell you how much his leaves could be wilting or what he could be going through. He’ll never tell me about all the health issues he has and he’ll always brush It off jokingly whenever I brought it up. And I always, naively assumed that my big tree will always be with me.

I was confronted with the mortality of my dad after that hospital admittance. Though it was always in the back of my head, it was brought to the forefront of my consciousness and I haven’t been able to stop viewing the days passing as one day less with my dad. I’m growing up, and my dad is growing old. I don’t want to imagine a time where I’d wake up and my big tree won’t be there anymore.

I wonder how does he feel when he sees me now, that I’m a working adult. It’s going to be 22 years he’s raised me, worked hard to make sure I never had to worry about anything I didn’t need to, and now I’m all grown up. I wonder what does he feel? Is he happy? Fulfilled? Proud?

I then continue to think, where has the time gone? Now I’m not saying I’m considered old by any means, but 22 years is a long time! I watch how my father interacts with my grandpa, how their dynamic certainly has shifted with age. My father would now be the one to take my grandpa to his doctors appointments, ask him about his health, or he’d bring up the idea of having my him move in with us so that he’d have someone to take care of him. I start to feel scared that one day this will be the dynamic my parents and I share as well. Of course, if and when that happens, I’ll gladly take care of them, but it’s just hard to think about, and watch your parents grow old.

I certainly feel powerless in the face of time, seeing it wear away at my parents and my old gramps, life is pretty uncertain and you never know what’s going to happen, and I don’t want them to know I’m already thinking about things like this, (it isn’t very auspicious!) but I can’t help it sometimes. Though there are times where I wish time wasn’t so slow, there are also times that I wished it could stay still all together, so I don’t have to say goodbye too soon.

This feeling is definitely not foreign to most of us, I drew this comic and projected my emotions onto our favourite Jellicles as a way to process these very upsetting thoughts, though it is difficult to think about, I also feel like it helps us shift things into perspective and see things in a bigger picture. It helps me appreciate all the memories, no matter big or small, that I share with the people I love.

Talking about this topic is difficult, I can’t get the words out without breaking down (embarrassingly, I almost did it on stream, thank you @mearchuimhne for putting up with me 💙), but hey if this topic makes you cry too, don’t worry, we can cry together, no one will know haha! Just like how no one will really know if I cried writing this or not ;’)

Thanks for staying till the end, the next post will be happier, I promise!

❤️ Soh

#rum tum tugger #old deuteronomy #cats the musical #cats musical #cats 1998 #cats 2019 #cats the movie #cats 2016 #cats broadway #tugger #deut #deuteronomy #my art #meatball art

[futurebicon]

Dusk Till Dawn

I was gonna post this later but I physically can not wait any longer.

Apologize in advance

CW- death, panic attack, screaming, crying, fighting, accidental slight domestic abuse, self-harm, depression, anxiety, mention of child abuse, food, suicide attempt, hospital, dissociation, grief, hurt, blood, overdose, surgery

Remus didn’t know what to do or how to help.

All he could do was hold Sirius as he kicked and screamed and cried and punched and gasped for air.

“I’m so sorry,” Remus whispered even though he knew his husband wasn’t processing what he was saying. “I’m so sorry.” Tears streamed down his face.

Remus didn’t know how much time had passed since they got the call.

Heart attack.

Overworked with physical activity.

Celeste had called them crying.

It was at least an hour later when Sirius collapsed against him, exhausted from the meltdown.

“It’s gonna be okay.” Remus kissed the top of his head.

“I can’t, Re. Please,” Sirius gasped out quietly. “I can’t.”

“Shh, I know. It’s gonna be okay.” Remus held him tighter.

“I don’t want. I don’t want to.” He sobbed.

Remus had nothing else to say until his phone rang.

“Hey, Logan.” He asked the call.

“Did Celeste tell you?” Logan’s voice was a broken sob.

“Yeah,”

“Okay, uh, is Sirius okay?” He asked.

“Not at all. Are you?”

“No.” He sobbed. “No.���

“Logan I’m so, so fucking sorry.”

Dumo had been a father to everyone on the team but it was different with Sirius and Logan. They had lived with him for years, had breakfast with him in the morning and dinner with him at night, watched TV together, talked to him about what was going on in their lives. He was truly their father.

Even more so for Sirius.

Sirius never understood what a father was supposed to be like until he met Dumo.

He knew they weren’t supposed to hit their kids but he didn’t know that they were supposed to love them.

Dumo was the first person to truly, truly care about him.

Yes, Regulus loved him and cared for him but that was different.

Sirius didn’t know what love was so he ran away from it. Not joining in on dinners, staying in his room, not speaking unless spoken to.

But Dumo never let him get too far. He didn’t push Sirius to join them or talk with him but he didn’t let him think he was alone.

Slowly Sirius stopped trying to escape it and instead started to welcome it.

It still took a while for him to truly open up, but Dumo was always there.

Dumo was always there.

He didn’t leave when Sirius would flinch away from his touch or fast movements or loud sounds.

He didn’t leave when he walked into Sirius’s room while the teenager was having a full-blown panic attack that left him paralyzed.

He didn’t leave when Sirius gave him a black eye because he was trying to wake him up from a nightmare.

He didn’t leave when he saw the bandages.

He never left.

Even when Sirius moved out he was still there.

Remus didn’t know who Sirius would call or what he would do without Dumo.

“Arthur’s gonna call us all in tomorrow and tell the rest of the team.” Logan pulled him back to reality.

“They don’t know?” “No, uh, Celeste only told me, you, and Arthur.”

“I’ll see how Sirius is but I doubt we’re going to be able to go” Remus looked down at Sirius, who had fallen asleep after exhausting himself.

“Yeah neither of us have to go. I still don’t know if I’m going to.”

“Let me know if you are.”

“I will,” Logan told him. “Alright, um, tell Sirius I’m here if he needs me.”

“I’ll tell him, but know that we’re here for you too.”

“I know.” Logan let out another sob he had been holding in and hung up quickly.

+++

Sirius and Remus stopped when they walked into the conference room.

“Hi,” Celeste sadly smiled at them, obviously exhausted.

“I did-didn’t know you were coming.” Remus stammered.

“I can’t stay long. I just had to come by and help write the statement to give to the league.” Celeste met Sirius’s eyes as she explained.

Sirius quickly looked down at the ground.

“Hey, Sirius.” She said softly.

“I can’t.” He looked up with tears streaming down his face. “Celeste I don’t know- I can’t.”

Celeste wrapped him in her arms as he fell into her sobbing.

“He loved you so much, Sirius. He was so, so proud of you.” Celeste told him as everyone left the room to give them time alone.

“I don’t know what to do.” He pulled away.

“Come talk,” she led him over to the table.

“I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to deal with me. You should be with your kids.” Sirius wiped his eyes but the tears were still falling.

“You’re my son just like Marc and Louis are. Now talk to me.”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel.” He admitted.

“What do you feel?”

“I don’t know. I can’t explain it. It’s like I can feel all the emotions but I’m also numb to them but not fully numb because they still hurt.” He sobbed. “Celeste it hurt. It hurts so fucking bad. It hurts.”

“I know it does sweetheart. I know.” She hugged him again.

“I don’t think I can do this.” He shook his head. “I can’t handle this feeling. I need it to stop.”

“Hey, none of that.” She cupped his cheek. “Adele and Katie and Marc and Louis already lost their father, they don’t want to lose their brother too.”

“I don’t want them to but I can’t take this.”

“You can Sirius. You’re strong. It’s going to get better. I know we’re all gonna miss him more than anything. But it will stop hurting so much.”

Sirius could only cling to her and sob.

++++

“Hi, baby.” Remus hugged Sirius as he walked out of the room with Celeste.

Sirius curled into his chest.

“I’m gonna head out,” Celeste told them with a sad smile. “The kids are with their grandparents and the team’s already here.”

They said their goodbyes and walked into the main lounge where half the team was already gathered.

“You okay?” James asked Sirius who could only shake his head and collapsed onto the couch, letting Remus pull him onto his lap.

The previously happy energy in the room dulled as they waited for the rest of the team to trickle in. The energy rose slightly as they cracked jokes to lighten the mood.

“Alright now that you’re all here-”

“Dumo’s not.” Nado pointed out.

“I know,” Arthur said sadly.

“Hey if he gets to skip why couldn’t we?” Kasey protested.

“Make him do extra laps tomorrow,” Thomas told Arthur.

All of their remarks stopped as they looked over at Sirius as he sobbed into Remus’s chest. Logan had his arms crossed on his knees and head buried in his arms his body shook as Leo and Finn rubbed his back.

“Coach why’s Dumo late?” James looked at Arthur. The coach had tears streaming down his face.

“Why is Dumo late?” Kasey asked through clenched teeth.

“Celeste called last night.” He started to explain. “He had a heart attack.”

“No” Thomas shook his head.

“Oh god,” Lily threw her hand over her mouth.

“They tried to bring him-”

“Stop.” James shook his head in shock.

“I’m so sorry.” his voice broke.

The room filled with silent sobs.

“The league’s going to release a statement tonight,” Arthur told them before falling silent, letting them all process the news in silence.

“Celeste wants us to clean out his locker.” He said a few minutes later. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, she just wants to get everything out of it so she can keep some things. She said you can have anything you want from it.”

The team stood up numbly and walked into the locker room.

“You sure?” Remus asked Sirius as he climbed off his lap. Sirius nodded and grabbed onto his hand.

It was only silent whispers and cries as the team pulled things from his locker and stall.

“Stop,” Remus’s loud voice cut through the silence. “Sirius stop.”

They watched as Sirius punched Remus’s arms that were wrapped tight around his waist to hold him back.

“Let me go.” Sirius snarled, getting lifted off the ground when he tried to kick Remus’s legs. “Let me go.”

“I’m not gonna let you go until you calm down.” Remus held him tight.

Sirius didn’t stop.

The team watched their captain in shock and overwhelming sadness.

“Sirius, you have to stop. You’re going to make yourself sick, baby.” Remus tried to calm him.

Then Sirius is screaming.

Just screams.

And screams and screams.

They’re terrifying sounds. Torturously filled with panic and grief and sadness and desperation and anger and pleas.

He screams until his voice wears out and he can’t fight anymore. He turns around in Remus’s arms and screams with what little voice he has left.

Remus was shaking with sobs as he held his broken husband. Wishing he could fix everything that broke him.

Remus picked Sirius up as his knees gave out and carried him out of the locker room. Leaving everyone in silence.

++++++

It didn’t truly hit Remus until the league released a statement.

Then it hit hard.

They had breaking news on all the sports channels to explain his death and what it meant for the team.

Once the tweets started he made sure Sirius was still asleep after exhausting himself from breakdowns last night and quietly left the bedroom.

As soon as he stood in front of the sink he started shaking.

Moments later it all hit.

He sank against the wall with silent sobs.

He had lost people before, his grandpa, an uncle, but he wasn’t close with them.

He was close with Dumo.

Hell, he’s the reason he’s married to the love of his life.

His first thought when they got the call was Sirius.

And that’s who he had focused on since the call.

All the effort it took for him to try and be there for his husband, left little time to think about anything else.

But Sirius was asleep and all the tweets he was being tagged in that told him that they were sorry for his loss. Now he could process it.

He cried for Dumo, and Celeste, and Adele, Marc, Louis, Katie, the team, the fans, Logan, Sirius.

He cried for all of them.

He cried until he felt someone sit down beside him and pull him into their chest.

He was going to apologize for waking Sirius but his mind was racing too fast and all he could do was let Sirius hold him and cry.

+++3 Days Later+++

“Sirius?” Remus shot up as he felt the empty bed beside him. “Sirius?”

He ran out of the room calling his husband’s name with no response and, fuck, this wasn’t good.

“Sirius? Sirius.” Remus stopped as he looked into the ice rink in their basement.

Sirius was shooting pucks into the goal. Each shot more forceful and more powerful than the last.

“Baby,” Remus called out, getting his attention. But the black-haired man just shook his head after making eye contact. And went back to hit the black rubber.

“Baby.” He called out again. “Come back to bed. Please love?”

Sirius dropped his stick and stood in the center of the ice panting.

Remus could see the tears now that he was standing still. He was wearing simple grey sweatpants that he had stolen from Remus. But his heart jolted when he saw the hoodie.

It was Dumos lucky hoodie.

As much as the older man said superstitions were stupid, he never played a game without wearing it.

The once bright blue fabric was now a dull blue-grey color.

The red letters barely readable after too many washes.

The small New York Rangers logo was only noticeable if you knew it was there before.

The team always chirped at him for wearing it. “That’s betrayal, Dumo.”

Celeste had given it to Sirius earlier but he had refused to even touch it until now.

Sirius skated over to the side and took off his skates quickly before pushing past his husband.

“Sirius” Remus followed him up the stairs. “Hey, stop.” He grabbed his arm.

“Leave me alone.”

“Sirius calm down.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” Sirius seethed and hit his hand away.

“Calm down and I won’t have to tell you to.”

“I fucking hate you.” Sirius gritted his teeth and pushed Remus in the chest.

“Don’t push me,” Remus told him firmly.

“I don’t know why I married you.” He pushed him again, with more force as tears streamed down his face.

“Stop pushing me.”

“I hate you.” He pushed him hard, Remus’s back hitting the wall.

“Sirius don’t fucking push me.”

“I HATE YOU.” He screamed and raised his fist.

“Don’t you dare,” Remus grabbed his hand before it could connect with his face before grabbing the other and holding them in a restraint. “You can scream and cry and tell me you hate me or that you don’t love me all you want, I’m not gonna stop you.” He told him firmly. “But I am never going to let you hit me.”

Sirius seemed to snap out of his trance and collapsed into Remus. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. Please, I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He sobbed and screamed.

“I know. I know you’re sorry. I know you didn’t mean to but no matter how angry you are, you can’t physically hurt me, or someone else, or yourself.” Remus held him.

Sirius could only sob.

“This doesn’t mean you’re your parents, Sirius.” Remus could read his mind. “Your parents hit for no reason. You tried to hit me because you’re angry and scared and devastated and so many other emotions that you don’t know how to handle.”

“That doesn’t make it okay.”

“No, it doesn’t make it okay. But there was still an understandable reason for it, meaning you aren’t your parents.”

“I didn’t- know- I- was- do-doing-ing it,” He gasped. “I don-don-t know-why- I- di-did- i-i-it-t-it.” He was hyperventilating at this point. His knees gave out and dragged both of them to the floor.

“You need to take deep breaths for me, baby. You’re going to pass out if you don’t slow your breathing down.” He kissed his forehead. “Try and match your breathing with mine.” He put Sirius’s hand over his chest.

Sirius choked and gasped for a few minutes before sobbing. “I-I can’t.”

“I know it’s hard but you’ve got to try my love. Breath with me okay.” He inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. Repeating it until Sirius started to follow his rhythm.

“Good job baby.” He kissed his forehead again as his breathing slowed.

“I don’t know why I did it.” He hiccuped slightly.

“Baby you grew up in a world where abuse was a sign of emotion. If your parents were angry they hit. If they were disappointed they hit. If they were hurt they hit. You learned that if you’re hurting you make others hurt. Not verbally like some people do but physically. That’s what you had always known and accepted. And yes you aren’t controlled by their tactics anymore but your mind still remembers those lessons that you didn’t even know you learned.” Remus rubbed his back and rocked him slightly as he explained.

“Right now you are hurting more than you ever have before. And you are devastated and panicked and angry. And those are all normal and perfectly okay to feel. But your mind doesn’t know what to do with this level of emotions so it goes through everything that has happened when you felt these emotions until it thinks it’s found a way to get rid of them. In your mind anger had always and only meant pain and hurt. It’s not your fault baby. It’s not. But we’re gonna have to figure out a way to stop your mind from thinking that.”

“I’m still sorry.”

“I know you are. And just because it’s not your fault and that it’s not really you that’s doing it, does not mean I’m going to allow you to hurt yourself or someone else.”

“I’m so sorry.” Sirius sobbed again.

++++++++ 2 months later ++++++++

“And with 5 minutes left of practice, they come calling.” Arthur pulled out his ringing phone. “Hey, Loops.” He put the man on speaker. “Where are you?”

“The uh, um,” He sounded dazed and disoriented.

“Remus? Are you okay?” Arthur asked.

“Hospital. At the hospital.”

“What? Why?” James asked.

“Sirius, he, he, uh, ki- tried, cut. He tried to ki, ki-” He couldn’t finish the sentence.

“Oh god,” Leo breathed.

“Is he okay?” Logan asked.

“They pu-pumped his stomach.” He trailed off.

“Remus?” Arthur asked after a short stretch of silence.

“Sorry. He’s in surgery, on his, uhm, wrist. Was too deep.”

The team all stood in shock.

“Do you want us to be there?” Arthur asked him.

“Please.” Remus gasped.

“Okay. Yeah, we’ll be there soon. Do you need anything?”

“Clothes. There’s blood. Clothes?”

“Yeah someone will grab you a change of clothes.”

“In bag. Locker. Sirius’s. Clothes.” Remus seemed to be getting more and more disoriented.

“Alright, we’ll bring them,” Arthur told him as Finn dug through Sirius’s bag and pulled out a change of clothes.

“Okay.”

“We’ll be there soon.”

“Okay.” Remus hung up.

“Fuck” James collapsed into his best friend’s stall, sobbing.

+++++++

“Oh, shit” Kasey breathed when they turned the corner into the waiting room.

There was blood on Remus’s clothes.

Sirius’s blood was on Remus’s clothes.

“Hey, Loops.” Finn walked in and handed him the bag of spare clothes to change into.

“Hmm?” Remus blinked. “Oh, thank you.” He took the bag from him and stood up.

“Woah,” Finn caught him as he staggered. “You okay?”

“Fine.” Remus stood up and tripped out of the room on shaky legs.

He took one look in the mirror and ripped off his clothes, chucking them in the garbage. Quickly putting on the clean clothes that smelled like his lover, and started to wash the blood off his arms.

He scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed until he felt the faucet turn off and the soap taken out of his hands.

“It’s off, Fruit Loops,” Thomas told him softly.

“I’m gonna lose him. I’m gonna lose him.” Remus whispered around the sob stuck in his throat.

“No, you’re not. You’re not gonna lose him. We’re not gonna lose him.” Thomas said firmly. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Sorry.” He ran a hand through his hair.

“No need to apologize.”

“Um, thanks for, you know, coming to check on me.”

“I got your back Loop, we all do.” Thomas threw an arm around Remus, in support and to keep him upright, as they walked back to the waiting room.

“Remus.” Lily was there when they walked back in. “God I’m so sorry.”

Remus let her pull him into a hug and sobbed into her neck.

++++++++

Remus looked up when someone new walked into the waiting room.

“Hey,” He stood up as Celeste hugged him.

“How is he?” She asked when he pulled away, tears streamed down her face.

“I don’t know. Last thing they said was that he was in surgery.”

“What happened?” She asked softly as they sat down.

Remus let out a sob. “It’s my fault.”

“No, it’s not,” Celeste told him along with the rest of the team.

“It is. I knew something was off. I knew something was wrong.” Remus couldn’t hold back his sobs any longer.

“When he woke up he said he was going to get a drink but was going to come back to bed and I fell back asleep for a few minutes and he wasn’t back so I went to the bathroom cause the light was on but the door was locked and he wasn’t answering and I kicked down the door and he was pale and he wasn’t moving and the cuts kept bleeding and they wouldn’t stop. I tried to stop it but I couldn’t. They wouldn’t stop bleeding. There was so much blood and he wasn’t breathing. I couldn’t stop the bleeding.” He was hysterical by the end. Celeste pulled him into her arms and shushed him softly. “He had no pulse. He was dead. He kept dying in the ambulance. He wouldn’t stop dying.”

Celeste squeezed the distraught man until he calmed down.

“Fuck, sorry.” Remus pulled away and wiped his eyes. “I don’t know why I freaked out like that.”

“Remus, your husband is in the hospital. You’re allowed to freak out.” Arthur told him.

Everything stopped as the doctor walked in.

+++++

Remus’s breath hitched as he stood in the doorway of Sirius’s stale hospital room.

His husband looked up at the noise.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius gasped. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, my love.” Remus rushed over to Sirius and leaned his forehead against the others.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” The distraught man kept repeating as tears fell fast.

“I love you. It’s okay. I love you. It’s okay.” Remus cupped his cheek and cried along with him.

“I’m sorry.” Sirius couldn’t stop repeating.

“Shh, shh. Don’t apologize. Baby, please don’t apologize.” Remus pressed his lips to his husband’s forehead, letting his lips linger on the warm skin.

Sirius’s words slowly and quietly faded out until only sobs left his mouth.

Remus pulled away and sat on the edge of the bed. He took Sirius’s hand lightly and tried as hard as he could to ignore the white bandages wrapped around his wrists.

They sat in silence as Remus rubbed soothing circles on the back of his hand.

“Please say something,” Sirius pleaded.

“I thought I lost you,” Remus whispered.

“I'm sorry,” Sirius’s voice was worn out.

“I thought you died.” He gritted his teeth. “And I didn’t know what I was going to do. I didn’t know if I was going to live while you weren’t.”

“Please, please don’t say that,”

“It’s the truth, Sirius. You don’t want to live without Dumo and I don’t want to live without you,”

Sirius stayed silent.

“I have never felt so purely hopeless than I felt when I was in that bathroom. There was nothing I could do.”

“I’m so sorry I’m putting you through this.”

“Stop apologizing,” Remus begged.

“It was so stupid of me but I didn’t know what else to do.”

“I was two feet away. You promised you would come to me when you felt like this.”

“I didn’t want you to be mad at me.” Sirius wouldn’t meet his eye.

“What?” Remus breathed out. “Baby why would I be ma- have I done anything to make you think I would be mad?”

Sirius shook his head and stared down at his lap.

“Sirius, please. What did I do?”

“Nothing I promise that you didn’t do anything.” Sirius met his eye and looked back down.

“I will never. Ever. Be mad at you about something like this.”

“I’m sorry,” Sirius whispered. “I’m sorry.”

Remus pulled him into his arm, praying that he would never have to let go.

#I'm sorry #lumosinlove #sweater weather lumosinlove #coops #oknutzy #pascal dumais #celeste dumais #i cried #IM SORRY I WAS SAD AND THEN IT WOULDN"T LEAVE MY BRAIN

[procrastination-queenie]

Baby | JJK

Pairing: husband!au Jeon Jungkook x Wife!au reader.

Warning: c-section surgery, nothing too detailed. Baby fever. Very slight mention of smut. Fluff. The reader is a foreigner. Mentions of cultural differences.

The part written in italics is a flashback

Synopsis: You and Jungkook agreed not to have babies right away after your marriage, yet you find yourself witnessing a cute situation that leaves you thinking otherwise.

A/N: I am begging you guys for the gazillion time to please let me know what you think. Thanks in advance.😊

Word count: 4,178.

This part can be read as a continuation to Marry you.

Babies! Oh God! You cannot express how fed up you were because of that word. After you and Jungkook got married, your family members had nothing to talk about to you except babies. It's like they were pressuring you, well scratch that, they were, but unconsciously though. You couldn't blame them. You grew up in a culture that was not really open to the idea of "we are gonna wait a few years until we feel like we're ready."! Yeah, this ideology does not exist!

"Wait until when? I am not living more than I already am!" Your grandma would say, or "wait for what? Are you still getting to know each other after a five-year relationship?" Your grandpa would scoff, and your favourite one was "Hunny, are you kidding? You'll never be ready! No one is ever really ready! … You think me and my sister had you, kids, because we were ready?" Your auntie would say in disbelief laughing lightly at your logic with said sister, your mum, sitting next to her shaking her head in disappointment with a "can you believe her?" murmured in annoyance.

You didn't have the heart to blame your family that's how they were raised for generations, and for you to try and change their mind-set would be difficult, almost impossible. That is until you and Jungkook refused to talk upon the matter anymore saying that this is your life and you're free to do whatever you both agree on, only then did they stop nagging you; however, you knew they were not happy about it.

Jungkook on the other hand never really minded the idea of babies, in fact, if you told him that you were ready, he would gladly help you right away, if you know what I mean, but knowing your concerns, not only did he comfort you, but also respected that you were not there yet, mentally. You would always tell him "I sometimes think that I am still a baby, myself. How can I have one when I think like that!" He would chuckle, patting your head and cuddling you closely "Baby, it's okay. We don't need to have one right now! Why are you so worried about it?" He asked looking down at you since he was resting his chin on your head. "I mean, aren't you bothered about it? Don't you want to have your own child?" You pouted thinking that maybe you're holding one of Jungkook's wishes back which can make you feel that you're not good enough for him. "Well, baby, of course, I want a child, but I want to have it with you, and if you're not ready that's totally fine! I mean when I think about it, it is a huge deal, you're going to house a human being in your body for 9 long months, and your body would go through drastic changes, plus you'd have to not only take care of yourself but the baby growing inside you, as well!" Jungkook cradled you to his chest moving aside a lock of your hair behind your ear. "It's all amazing, but you're the one who's carrying a baby, I would never pressure you to do that if you're not ready!" He said looking into your eyes sincerely. "Oh, I love you so much!" You said giving him a few repetitive pecks on his lips. "How did I end up with such an amazing man!" Your lips barely meeting his, whispering before you closed the small gap between you, kissing him with all the passion and love you held for this wonderful husband of yours.

That all changed when one day you were at the hairdresser's getting a new hair cut. You were looking through your phone waiting for your turn until you noticed a woman entering the shop. She had this unusual aura to her, like something about her seemed to interest you, she walked around as if she had accomplished something amazing but wouldn't brag about it as if to let her accomplishment speak for itself. You understood why you felt that because minutes later, two identical accomplishments followed her suit. They were two identical boys who were probably 4 or 5 years of age. You were in awe when you saw them following their mummy, like lost puppies. They resembled her greatly, and behaved very well as if their mum promised to buy them Disneyland if they did. They stood next to her looking up at her as if she is their whole world.

For a moment you imagined that with Jungkook, and what would it feel like to have a baby in both of your lives. How would it feel to have a child of your own looking at you the way these boys looked at their mum.

For weeks to follow, you were almost obsessed with the twin boys you saw at the hair salon. How they dressed, how they behaved, how they sat obediently eating their sweets waiting for their mum to finish, how their mother would look at them through the mirror every once in a while to check on them, how they cutely complimented her saying that "mummy is the prettiest girl ever!" With wide eyes looking up in amazement and cute small sticky fingers from the sweets reaching up in the air in excitement. The whole thing kept repeating over and over in your head which led you to look up some photos of babies and reading more about them and what's new in the parenting world that parents try and apply with their kids. You even reached the point where you would stop at the babies section, racking through cute onesies, making Jungkook arch an eyebrow in amazement. "Are you pregnant or something?" He would ask eyeing your belly before looking up at your face trying to see what's going on inside your head. You would shake your head slightly before reluctantly letting go of the tiny baby clothes and taking Jungkook's hand to move to another department of the store.

Jungkook, too, could feel a change in your behaviour, like how you would gaze longingly at kids playing at the park when you had your picnics there, how you would pause to listen to a show that talks about babies and how to care for them, he even caught you reading a book about pregnancy. His heart skipped a beat when you went to visit your brother after his wife delivered a healthy baby girl; you kept holding her the whole time refusing to let anyone hold her unless it was your brother's wife because she needed to feed her. He even took a photo of you, you were looking at your niece so lovingly when you looked up at Jungkook smiling brightly as if she was your own. He put it as a background for his phone.

"Yaaah! If you want a baby that bad make one of your own!" Yoongi yelled playfully at Jungkook who wouldn't stop looking at the photo. "Ay! Don't pressure the kid." Namjoon said looking disappointedly at Yoongi for saying that. "Well, there's no pressure. It's just … I don't know y/n has been acting weird lately!" He took a last look at his phone's background before it displayed his worried features as he closed the screen. "What do you mean weird?" Jimin asked looking at Jungkook quizzically. "I don't know… it's… she'd stare at baby clothes when we go shopping even though there's no one we know who's going to give birth soon. I mean I could have brushed it off thinking that she wants to buy some as a gift or something, but no." Jungkook ruffled his black locks resting his elbows on his knees. "And you know she looks at them as if … as if she's imaging them on a certain baby, not the way she'd look at them as if inspecting the design or something, do you understand what I mean?" He looked up at his hyungs waiting for a confirmation that he's not imagining things. Namjoon nodded "you mean she inspecting the clothes as if she's buying it for her own baby, not just going through them?"

"YES!"Taehyung jumped at Jungkook's sudden outburst. "Sorry Hyung!" Jungkook muttered to Taehyung before focusing on Namjoon again. "Well, it's easy she wants a baby!" Hobi said shrugging and looking at Jungkook as if he's dumb and that this was as obvious as the sun. "No shit Sherlock! I know that. It's just she never said anything about it ." Jungkook was bewildered he didn't understand your sudden change of attitude, and if you had a change of heart about having a baby, then why didn't you tell him? "Just talk to her about it. See if she's ready or not, maybe she is, but something is holding her back, you never know!" Jin said patting Jungkook on the back. "we are definitely having a talk." Jungkook sighed lighting up his phone's screen to look lovingly at your photo holding your niece.

"Baby, you home?" Jungkook looked around the house for you while taking off his shoes and closing the door. "In here!" You answered from your bedroom. You heard his footsteps on the stairs knowing very well from the sound of it that he was skipping some. You rolled your eyes at your husband's child-like behaviour. "BABE!" He suddenly opened the door to your room, a huge smirk on his face as he stepped slowly towards you. "What? What's wrong? Why are you giving me that look?" You looked him up and down as if he's gone mental. Out of nowhere, he pounced on you like a cat making you put your book aside as you squirmed beneath him. "Oh my God, Kook get off. What's wrong with you!" You started laughing because he started leaving small pecks on your neck, and it was ticklish. "Tell me!" He suddenly stopped and looked into your eyes. "Tell you what?" You searched his face thinking that he might be drunk. "Tell me what you're not telling me!" He said, face getting closer to yours as you backed yours from his. "Are you drunk?" You said laughing, again. He was being unusual. "Nah, I am not. I just want to know what's wrong. Lately, you've been acting weird as if you're hiding something." He claimed as he sat beside you, taking you in his arms as your upper half laid on his bent knee; this was your position when you both had deep talks, he'd let you rest your back on his bent knee as he held you closely, usually playing with your hair locks. "You keep on checking baby clothes whenever we go shopping, you're reading a book about pregnancy and parenting, you listen to anything related to babies on the T.V. are you not telling me something?" He asked with concern filling his doe eyes as he caressed your cheek. "I … I've..." You sighed closing your eyes; words were not getting out of your mouth. "What? What is it baby? You can tell me." His thumb brushed your cheek in a soft motion encouraging you to speak up. "I … I want a baby." You said out of nowhere and looked at Jungkook to see his reaction. "Well, baby that's great. You know I don't mind, then what stopped you from telling me?" Jungkook flashed you his bunny smile, happy to know that you're ready to take this step with him. "It... It's just, you know I have been reading about it, pregnancy and stuff." He nodded, a sign for you to go on. "And it's all great and everything, but what if something went wrong?" You looked worriedly into your husband's confused eyes. "Like what if I have a miscarriage? What if something happens to the baby? Like what if …"

"Hold on, hold on … baby why are you trying to predict everything? Why can't you focus on the positive side?" He said trying to calm your raging thoughts. "What if my body is not strong enough to have a baby?"

"Baby,nooo!" Jungkook pulled you closer into his arms. "No, none of this is going to happen, we are going to keep checking up with a doctor, and everything will be fine. I'll always be by your side." He said pulling your head under his chin, then he pulled back to look you in the eyes, "and even if something happens, We will go through it together. I know it will be harder for you, but I swear that there's nothing in this life that could be offered to help you lessen your pain that I won't do it." He whispered sincerely, holding your face between his big warm hands. You hugged him tightly, "I love you so much, I don't even know what I did to deserve you!" You said crying over the fact that a man like Jungkook existed, a man who's willing to do anything for you. "Ah, baby I love you, too so much. I don't want you to doubt us or the future. You know why?" He chuckled feeling you shake your head. "Because the future is never guaranteed, but the only thing that is guaranteed is us, and I know that we're strong enough to face anything life throws at us, together." He said hugging you tighter. "Okay, baby?" He pulled back to look at you. You nodded as he wiped away your tears. "Now, about that baby..." He smirked as you laughed at his goofiness. He always knew how to make you laugh. Always.

Now fast forward a few years, you and Jungkook are parents now. It didn't take that long to get pregnant thanks to Jungkook's stamina. Your pregnancy went on smoothly and nothing bad happened. Just as Jungkook promised, he was always right there for you, for everything; from the moment you both found out, to birth-giving, till now. Speaking of which, the poor thing was so terrified when he knew that your doctor would perform a C-section and that you wouldn't be giving birth naturally.

"Is she supposed to be awake during the surgery?" Jungkook worriedly asked the doctor as he could see that the medication they have given you were not putting you to sleep. "Oh don't worry, Mr Jeon. She won't feel a thing, we drugged the part that we will be working on, and it's normal for her to be awake." Your Doctor smiled kindly at him knowing that this was his first time undergoing something like this. Jungkook was dressed in scrubs holding your hand to keep you from panicking, the doctor also hung up something like a sheet in front of you so you won't see them perform the surgery. "Are you okay?" Jungkook whispered, trying to make small conversation with you as you kept looking at him. You nodded still looking at him as he was getting more anxious by the minute because of your intense staring, "Jungkook why are you panicking, I am the one who's having her stomach open, not you." He laughed squeezing your hand, his nerves easing a bit. "How are you so cool with this?"

"I don't think me panicking right now, would do us any good, you know." Jungkook chuckled then kissed your forehead.

An hour has already passed by when they informed you that you delivered and that the surgery was almost over, they needed to stitch you up. "Jungkook go with the nurse!" You said urgently turning to look at him. "No baby, it's okay, your mum and my mum are waiting outside, I'll wait with you here." He said calming you down, he promised that he won't leave your side until you both get out of the surgery's room together. "But, this means that they'll know!" Jungkook chuckled at your worried expression. "It's okay baby, let them know." He said kissing your forehead. "You did great, and I am so proud of you!" He was tearing up because he could not understand how women could go through all of this, he was truly amazed. "I love you." You said looking into his teary eyes, "I love you, too baby so much!" He pecked your lips before the doctor announced that you were good to go.

It definitely wasn't easy, but with Jungkook there, everything was better.

Right now, you and Jungkook were asleep in each other's arms, appreciating the few hours of silence before everything turns back to its chaotic state in the morning. Since you've given birth, you could swear that you became a light sleeper. Your mum brushed off your marvellous discovery with a laugh claiming that it's normal for most mums to become light sleepers because you're always worried.

Just like now, your ears perked as you felt tiny footsteps softly padding towards your bedroom. And you were right, as you slowly turned in Jungkook's arms, so not to wake him up, you found your 3-year-old, Haneul, standing quietly by the door, sucking on his thumb and trying to search for you in the dark. "Haneul, baby I am here." You whispered and got up to see what's wrong. He padded softly towards you in his Stitch Kigurumi onesies that he insisted you buy from your last trip to Disneyland because that's his favourite character. "Oh baby what's wrong." You picked him up and held him in your arms cradling him as if to protect him from all the world's evil. You already knew what's wrong, he needed to change his diaper. "Come on baby, let's go to your room, daddy's still asleep." You left the room quietly hoping not to wake Jungkook up.

Haneul whimpered lightly in your arms seeing that he was irritated because of his diaper and he was still super sleepy. "Okay baby I'll change it for you, just please be quiet, your brother is still sleeping!" You prayed than Haneul won't throw a fit and wake up his twin, Hyun, from his sleep. It was too early to wake up the whole household right now.

"There, all done!" You whispered enthusiastically as he flashed a bunny-like grin at you just like his father. "Thanks, mummy." He grinned shaking his body cutely from side to side still laying on the changing table. "Anything for you baby!" You dived your head to his stomach attacking him with kisses as he squirmed beneath you. "Come on let's get you back to bed." You said putting him back in his crib and giving him a goodnight kiss. Before you could shut the door to the boys' room, you saw Haneul still standing in his crib giving you puppy eyes as he whimpered. You heart squeezed in your chest at the sight of your baby in discomfort. He wanted to sleep with you and Jungkook, but you can't let them get used to it. "Mummy!" Haneul whimpered reaching his tiny arms out for you. You sighed, your heart was too weak to leave him alone in the dark, you just couldn't do it. His eyes were starting to tear up as you went up to him. "God, you guys are my weakness." You muttered to yourself. As you were about to pick Haneul up, Hyun started to turn in his sleep, slowly waking up. Another pair of doe eyes slowly opened up, fluttering due to the dark smooth locks that were getting in its way. "Mummy!" You sighed great now both of them are awake and they will refuse to go back to sleep in their cribs.

Jungkook woke up to an empty bed, he jolted awake thinking you must be with the kids and that you might need his help, but didn't wake him up. He walked to the kids' bedroom to see you holding Haneul in your arms with him sucking on his thumb, drowsy eyes fighting sleep as you looked at Hyun who was carefully climbing out of his bed. "Careful baby!" You seemed to be fine, but your voice told otherwise, it was laced with worry, fearing that his leg might slip and he would get hurt. Hyun climbed down carefully then went up to you tugging on your nightdress and whimpering grumpily. Jungkook entered the room, "come here, buddy." He said scooping Hyun in his arms. "Baby, you woke up!" You frowned not liking the idea of him getting up so early. Since giving birth to your beautiful baby boys, Jungkook has put you and the boys as his top priority, and he was always there making sure you don't need anything. You didn't want him to wake up so early for once so that he could enjoy his sleep before going to the studio. "I didn't find you in my arms, so I got up to look for you." He said gazing at you lovingly. You kissed him on the cheek, he smiled and told you to go to bed with Haneul "I'll change Hyun's diaper and come right behind you." He said planting a kiss on your forehead. "Okay, baby." You said pulling Haneul closer to your chest.

A few minutes later, Jungkook and Hyun joined you and Haneul in bed. Haneul was fast asleep with his head resting on your chest, and Hyun was still awake looking up at Jungkook. "Come on buddy, go to sleep," Jungkook whispered running his fingers through Hyun's black locks that he inherited from his dad. "Appa!" Jungkook hummed softly in response. "Sing to me." Hyun traced his small fingers over Jungkook's cheek. Jungkook smiled closing his eyes for a few seconds enjoying the feeling as he started singing softly and quietly so that Hyun would go back to sleep.

You smiled, recalling all the things you've been through up until this moment. You remembered how you both were shocked when you found out you were having twins. That day was the best day of your life, you cried in happiness so much that Jungkook thought it was your hormones getting the best of you. "No... I'm just … I'm so happy." You said whipping your tears. That night you sat on the bed with Jungkook holding you in the same position that he would hold you when you're both having a deep conversation. You told him about the twins you saw that day, and how you were so fascinated by them and how they interacted with their mum. Jungkook smiled softly at you as he rubbed your belly. You both decided that you wouldn't tell anyone that you were having twins, and that it would be a surprise to your family and friends. The shock on their faces when they entered the room to congratulate you to find each of you holding a baby was priceless.

"Oh my God, are...are... You gave birth to twins!" Your grandma said in tears astonished by the surprise. "Oh, my dear bless you." She cried as you nodded with a big smile on your face. Your mum and Jungkook's mum were the ones who were in great shock because they were the ones who were waiting in the waiting room to suddenly find two nurses coming out with two babies. "How could you not tell us something like that?" Your mum asked whipping her tears as she looked at Haneul who was sleeping soundly in Jungkook's arms. "We wanted to surprise you." Jungkook replied as your dad smiled with tears in his eyes as he kept looking between you and Jungkook. "Congratulations sweetheart!" He planted a kiss on your forehead, proud of you. "Thanks, dad."

To say that the boys were shocked is an understatement. Poor Hobi kept looking left and right at each baby. "What the … twins?" Jimin burst in excitement as Yoongi grinned down at Haneul and Namjoon patting Jungkook's back smiling at Haneul, too. "They're so cute!" Jimin said excitedly as you handed him Hyun. "Careful, hyung!" Jungkook said worriedly, eyes watching Jimin like a hawk. "Look at our Jungkookie being a protective father," Jin said laughing with Taehyung bursting in laughter.

The boys kept pampering your kids to no end. Jin and Jungkook would even make sure that you and Lilly, Jin's wife, have play dates for the kids, seeing that Jin and Jungkook are the only fathers in the group. Life was treating you good with everyone surrounding you with love and care.

"What are you thinking?" Jungkook whispered. You looked at Hyun to find him fast asleep. "Nothing I was just remembering the day the boys blessed us with their existence." You smiled patting Hyun's back as you lifted the blanket to his shoulder. Jungkook's eyes gleamed at you as he smiled, probably remembering that day, too. Having kids is a huge deal to any couple but with Jungkook being there as he promised, you felt that everything is alright, and you didn't have anything to worry about. You and Jungkook fell into a deep sleep holding each other's hands as both Haneul and Hyun slept soundly between the two of you.

A/N:

Haneul means heavenly 🌌

Hyun means bright or intelligent.🤓

#bts #bts scenarios #jungkook x reader #bts jeon jungkook #bts jungkook #jungkook #jungkook imagine #jeon jungkook scenarios #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x you #jungkook x you #jungkook scenarios #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x oc #jungkookie #bts jeongkook #jeon jungkook imagine #jeon jungkook fluff #jungkook fluff #jeon jungkook x y/n #jungkook fiction #jungkook fanfic #jeon jungkook fanfic #jeon jungkook fic #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #park jimin #kim taehyung

[crystal-moon-101]

Managed to do another redesign with rewrite notes, this time my second favourite character in Ben 10, Azmuth The First Thinker. And just like Ben, he's canon self is such a mess that I wish to fix in my own way. The other Galvans in this picture are his family, with his father from the movie "Destroy All Aliens", his nephews mentioned by DJW, and their mother who is Azmuth's twin sister. So let me get into the notes and rewrite ideas of mine!

-Retaliator-

Yes, I am aware that this is most likely not his name, but I could not be bothered to make up my own at this point, and I also find it funny to have a Galvan dad called this, so I'm sticking with it. So Retaliator is the father of both Azmuth and Divi, a very humble and calm old galvan, who has seen a lot through his years, now retired and mostly just trying to keep the family together through small things.

Retaliator has the rare gene of having aqua/turquoise eyes, a recessive trait in galvans, similar to human with the red hair gene.

Retaliator looks younger than he should be, and that's because he is, in a way. You see, right before Azmuth vanished to start working on the watch, Retaliator fell ill to an disease with no known cure, and this caused the family to...kind of break down. A lot had happen up to this point (Things that will be noted throughout this), and none of them wanted things to end like this. So Azmuth did something he know he shouldn't have, as such a thing takes so much time and resource, and generally frowned upon, and ended up creating a new young clone body for his father's brains to be transferred too. By the time Retaliator woke up from surgery, his son was already gone, off in hiding. It this was event that really made Retaliator realize he may not have been the best father for a long time...

While he is retired now, Retaliator use to do work based around energy stuff.

Since he's family's back together, he likes to host game or movie nights, or even little dinners and get togethers.

He adores his grandsons, and loves to share stories from his past to them, and he's one of the few people they calm down around.

He will admit that he did...go a bit wild when he thought Azmuth died, fighting Ben in the Galvanic Mechamorph suit, but him and Ben have since made up, and the old galvan likes talking to the young lad often.

He has most defiantly embarrassed both of his kids by showing off baby photos of them.

He met his wife through work, like most galvans, with her being a much higher up worker. Surprisingly, despite their statuses, it was his wife who asked him out first, having found him very charming.

Retaliator can never thank Ben enough for convincing his son to come home, and despite their bickering, he enjoys seeing Azmuth's bond with Ben, as the two have a way of balancing each other out.

While he may be in a younger body, his mind is certainly still that of an old galvan, and can often act like his body is older than it really is due to the mental age of his brain.

-Azmuth-

Ahhhh, dear old Azmuth, how I love your character concept, and yet get so frustrated with your actual canon self...There is a lot I have changed in terms of his placement and behavior on the show, and while I can't note all of them down there, the major theme behind them is that he is not a complete jerk in them. Don't get me wrong, Azmuth would still have flaws and issues with his off-standing nature, but he would act in a way that feels more natural, showing his growth and change while mentoring Ben. He genuinely wants to help and is a good person, it's just...he still has a lot to work through. In terms of his slight redesign, I'll like to mention that if you look closely, his outfit is a mixture of his first original outside, crossed with his UAF outfit.

I did mention that I couldn't note all changes of him in series plots, since most boil down to be him being nicer and more realistic, but I will note one change because it's big enough to mention. For the Diagon/Forever Knight Arc, Azmuth did not create Ascalon, because I while I get he's smart and created things like the Omnitrix, I don't think he should be such a big source of dangerous artifacts in the series so often, especially ones that cause trouble. So instead, Ascalon was a weapon crafted in Ledgerdomain, to help fight Diagon who orientated there, and at the time had been trying to conquer earth, and Zenith leaving Azmuth happened because of miscommunication and issues between them instead.

That being said, Azmuth does get involved in the Ultimate Alien Diagon arc when Ben himself calls Azmuth over, needing his help knowing he can better understand Ascalon, and eventually entrusted Azmuth and the Galvans to keep it and the trapped Diagon safe.

Azmuth and his sister had a very rebellious phase as teenagers/young adults, this being the age that Azmuth said he was a lot like Ben, though admittedly, Azmuth was slightly more of an ass than Ben ever was. They were going through a tough time, and Azmuth reacted negatively too it all. Funnily enough, the one thing that seems to make him doo a 180 degrees in personality was his massive swooning crush over Zenith.

He won't ever admit out loud, but he does find Ben's trait of nicknaming his aliens kind of funny...

He shares a mentoring role towards Ben with Grandpa Max and Tetrax, with Max handling the more emotional and human side of Ben's problems, Tetrax handling the physical training and teachings, and Azmuth handling the more logical steps and hard truth Ben needs to hear. He's one of the few people to give Ben the smack of reality he needs from time to time.

That being said, Ben is also one of the few people able to handle Azmuth right back, and give him needed talkings to when the man is losing himself to a bad habit.

Mostly due to the fact that Tennysons seem to have a habit of making people very close to them like family, E.g with Ben seeing Kevin and Rook like brother figures at times, there seems to be subtle hints between Azmuth and Ben that there might be parent and child like moments between them, though both would deny it if brought up.

It doesn't help that Azmuth ends up taking it upon himself on making sure Ben is healthy and happy, based on scans from the Omnitrix he reads daily. Of course, he'll just say he doesn't want the boy he entrusted his watch with to die in a stupid way, but people close to either of them know that Azmuth really does care deep down.

He has said both "I'm too old for this" and "I'm too young for this" many times.

Azmuth has admitted that he's nervous around the Omnitrix, and doesn't like putting it on. He's not good at handling the idea of becoming something he's not...

The Malware arc for Azmuth was...a lot more complicated than canon. Azmuth really did try to fix Malware, but for some reason he couldn't, and it scared him that one, this might be the first problem he can't find a solution too, and second, he just came back from hiding and had been wanting to make changes in his life, so to fail and hurt someone already? He didn't know what to think. It didn't help when Malware started refusing his help and ended up endangering the lives of others, including galvans and Azmuth's own family. And despite it all, Azmuth kept trying over and over again to let him help Malware, but the villain always refused, until Azmuth eventually had to accept that he couldn't do anything. When Malware was finally killed, Azmuth went quiet for a good while, and needed time to recover from his mistake.

Due to some past issues, Azmuth mostly refers to his father by his real name, and only calls him dad or father during emotional or quiet moments.

Whenever they're hanging out, Ben likes to bring him and Azmuth cricket smoothies to drink together.

Despite how they seem to bicker often, Myaxx and him play off each other rather well, able to dry wit each other every day.

Azmuth and Albedo's relationship is also very complicated. Before Azmuth returned, Albedo was an outstanding Galvan and protégé, being praised every single day. This, unfortunately, made Albedo develop a prideful nature and his close minded views on the galaxy, as he rarely was ever put down or critiqued. His ego also got a bit of a boost when the great Azmuth took notice of him, and made him his assistant, and while he loved it at first, some issues started to arise when Azmuth wasn't like the other Galvans who praised Albedo to no end. That isn't to say Azmuth never complimented him and liked his work, but he was an honest man who knew no one was perfect, and especially wasn't going to worship someone, knowing what kind of ego that could make in someone. It doesn't help that Albedo just can't understand what Azmuth sees in Ben, and how the two bond, despite Ben's young careless nature, and being human. It ends up making Albedo want a lot more from Azmuth, the man he looks up too, and when he's denied that he eventually turns his back on the First Thinker. Azmuth can only hope that being able to turn into other aliens, and being stuck as human, will teach Albedo that Galvans, including himself, aren't what make the galaxy function.

Azmuth is typically one of the must unfazed people you'll ever meet.

Given most Galvans have an issue of seeing themselves as the top race, Azmuth is kind of fond of Blukic and Driba for being very open and helpful to outsiders, and was even the one to suggest them to join the Plumbers.

Zenith and Azmuth too meet up again eventually, and while they don't get back together, they do make amends.

Azmuth was fairly small for a Galvan for a long time, until he finally hit his growth spurt late into his teen years, something his sister use to tease him over.

Greymatter's DNA mostly comes from Azmuth, meaning Ben actually looks like a Azmuth when he was young, his family having made comments about Ben being his "Clone".

-Divi-

Here we have the twin sister of Azmuth, Divi. A dry wit, no nonsense, sarcastic and feisty single mother of her three chaotic sons. Unlike Azmuth's father and nephews, she was something I had to completely make up from the spot, since Azmuth was said to have nephews, that meant he had to have a sibling, so it was fun to create someone with an interesting dynamic with Azmuth. She is, after all, one of the few people to exhibit some of those petty family squabbles out of him. So I hope you enjoy her and her sons.

As mentioned before, Azmuth and her went through rebellious phases after some downfall in their family life, with Divi jumping around jobs and never settling for one, and even dating another Galvan that neither Azmuth or Retaliator approved off. When Azmuth first left Galvan Prime to go into hiding, Divi and her boyfriend had still been dating. However, when he finally came home, he found the boyfriend to be gone, and Divi now a single mother to three sons. Azmuth never got a clear story what happened to the boyfriend, but he knows that the break up was nasty, and that the boyfriend isn't on Galvan Prime anymore.

Sometime after Divi had her children, she eventually settled for a job in the nursery/incubation centre on Galvan Prime, looking after eggs and newly hatched tadpoles before they go home with their parents.

Divi is quite a blunt and honest woman, who has no time for dragging things on, and while she may sound harsh, she ends up just wanting the best for people. In fact her open nature of speech is how she gets people to listen and see reason.

Her and Azmuth had a...bit of a dysfunctional relationship growing up. Azmuth was actually a slow learning when he was young, and Divi had a habit of picking on him. They did eventually mallow out, until tragedy struck their family and they entered their rebel phases, and the bickering and arguing come from both sides. They have made up since Azmuth returned, but the two have their squabbles here and there, but they're mostly just playful banter or family habits.

Her and Myaxx get along quite well, and the two like hanging out with each other.

She's also fond of Ben since meeting him, and the two like chatting whenever he plays with her sons, he's even babysat for her a few times.

She has no interest in dating again anytime soon, and is proud to be a single mother.

She's the one who points out Azmuth and Ben's family like roles to each other often, mostly due to the fact that she understands what a paternal feeling is like, and because she's blunt about it.

She got her wisdom feet first out of her and Azmuth growing up.

While Azmuth was off in hiding, Divi reconnected with his father when looking after to him after surgery. So, unlike Azmuth, she mostly just calls him father and dad.

-Trapez, Cieven & Aegls-

The three mischievous nephews, sons and grandsons of the family. Left to right, Trapez, Cieven & Aegls, who are the triplets of Divi. The three are like glue, and are often playing or up to little tricks, creating chaos around Galvan Prime. While they mostly look the same and are all tricksters, they do have personality differences. Trapez is the best when it comes to emotions and the phycology behind it, something most Galvans struggle with, and can come across as the kindest of the three. Cieven has a lot of traits from Divi and Azmuth, being fairly intelligent and wanting to be a lot like his uncle someday, though does have some of their sarcastic nature as well. Aegls is the most energetic of the three, hype up often and quick with crafting and thinking of ideas. When you combine all three together, you get a force of endless chaos.

Their mother has been honest to them about who their father is, and why he isn't around, but the three have grown up fine without him, and will forever be grateful for the work their mother put into caring for them.

They were born while Azmuth was away, and so have been building up hype about their missing uncle for most of their lives, enough so that when Azmuth did come back, they all tackled hugged him while he was still understanding the idea that he was now in fact an uncle.

They love Ben and the Omnitrix, roping Ben into some of their pranks and shenanigans, and while Ben mostly tries to stare them into the right direction, he can't help himself half the time and joins in on the chaos, much to Azmuth and Divi's dismay.

They do become a part of my Ben 10 Next Gen Series, given Galvans take forever to age, and will finally be young tweens when the Next Gen takes place.

The three each have different dream jobs for the future. Trapez wants to be a psychiatrist or doctor, Cieven wants to be an inventor, and Aegls was to deal with energy based matters like his grandfather once did.

Never give these kids sugar or coffee, it will end badly.

The three...had a bad encounter with Malware during his rampage, and for a while were scared around Galvanic Mechamorphs...They get over it eventually, but Malware does haunt them for a long while.

They once picked up some colourful language from Azmuth and Myaxx when overhearing them once. You can imagine how Divi took that.

-The First Thinker Family-

The traumatic event that struck the family was in fact the death of Azmuth and Divi's mother, who was killed by someone who was after Galvan Tech. The family fell apart after that, with Retaliator falling into a deep depression and being distant from his kids, and Azmuth and Divi going wild in their teen/young adult years to distract themselves from the grief. They've all come together now and have been taking the proper sets to honor her memory, and become a family again.

While no one has outright said it, Ben has kind of become part of this little family in a few ways, and after a while Azmuth stops being survived when the boy shows up for family dinners or game nights.

They all live on Galvan Prime, though Retaliator is known to take trips here and there around the galaxy, wanting to see more of it during his retirement.

On the outside, many Galvans treat the family as there wise people, who have sage advice. And while that isn't wrong, once you get to know them they're a very chaotic family...

#Hope you enjoy what I've done with Azmuth's character and his family #I just really want to get across how I think he should have gone #Ben 10 #ben 10 omniverse #ben 10 ultimate alien #ben 10 alien force #Azmuth #Ben 10 Azmuth #Ben 10 OCs #Ben 10 Destroy All Aliens #My art #Ben 10 Rewrite #ben 10 redesign

[fandom-blackhole]

SINFUL SUNDAY

AN: So there are only two thots this week, unfortunately I have been a little busy with getting things ready for school next fall, as well as the new job I got for this summer. But I hope you like what I do have!

Sinful Sunday Masterlist

Pairings: Ezra (Prospect) x Reader, Captain Rex (Rebels) x Reader

Ezra (Prospect) x Reader

We got another Ezra thot this week, because this man live in my head rent free, and because I've been thinking waaaaaayyyyy too much about this senerio......

When Ezra and Cee got off the Green they were both rushed to the medical wing of the station based off of the injuries of Ezra alone. Cee had been cleared of serious injuries but had been given plenty of fluids and food as she was dehydrated and very clearly hungry as well as sent to spend at least a single night in the room that was pumped with the cleanest air on the station to help cleanse her lungs from being down on the poisonous moon. Ezra on the other hand had been rushed to surgery for both his arm, or the lack of, and the wound in his stomach. The medical staff worked on him for hours cleaning his wounds and suturing him up correctly. He also was stuck into the room with Cee because it was obvious his lungs were riddled with spores from the moon. The staff had also decided that a medically induced coma would be best for Ezra’s recovery, and they would bring him out of it once he was doing better. Cee stuck by Ezra’s side, always quiet and only giving short answers when asked question. Ezra stayed in the coma for about a month before they gradually started waking him up. That is when you had been assigned to help. You were sort of a care taker, physical therapist, and regular therapist rolled in one, it was your job to help those who had been injured terribly get back on to their feet.

You had started by coming into the room one day and introducing yourself to the pair. Ezra who was still woozy from the sleep he had just woken from, but he still managed to give, what you soon found to be his signature smirk that made him look like he held everything you ever wanted or ever would want. That smirk also made his eyes gleam with a certain deviousness that never failed to make you feel as if he was planning something nefarious. Cee had taken a bit to warm up to you, but once she did you were immediately endeared to the girl, who very obviously had a rough childhood. You watched over the two for about a month before the hospital made the decision to release the two to be watched over planet side.

Because of the severity of Ezra’s injuries, the three if you were sent to the nearest planet to a house where the two could get better. You of course were given your own apartment to sleep in, but it was on the completely opposite side of the town you all had been sent to. The first weeks of being there, you came and went from your apartment at odd hours, usually murderous early in the mornings and nauseous late at night. Ezra constantly apologized for his odd sleeping habits, but you always just smiled and told him it was nothing you were worried about, and that it was your job. And you did enjoy spending time with Ezra, he could be morose sometimes, but for the most part he always managed to make you smile with his words or stories. Not to mention watching him and Cee interact always warmed your heart as well as give you a few laughs.

But eventually the odd hours started getting to you and Ezra was keen to notice the dark circles forming under your eyes and the many yawns you had throughout the day. What finally broke Ezra was when one day, while he had his daily reading time in the afternoon, he had been shaken from his flow because of your head falling to his shoulder and feeling your soft breaths. He turned to find you asleep peacefully on his shoulder. When you had woken up hours later you had tried to apologize, but Ezra only hushed you and told you to move in with the two of them. You tried to protest saying it was unprofessional, but Ezra wouldn't have any of it.

After you moved in with them things both became easier and harder for you. Easier in the sense that you got more sleep and it improved your overall mood, but worse because the small feelings you had developed for Ezra has completely taken over your thoughts. And you weren't completely sure it was just you feeling these things. You often would feel Ezra’s eyes follow you, only to find him turning away when you glanced towards him. The tension continued to grow a mind grow until one night it boiled over.

It was late and Cee had been in bed for a couple of hours. The two of you had just been talking about this and that and slowly you found yourself moving closer and closer to Ezra, and then slowly the conversation trailed off, and the two of you just stared at eachother. You weren't sure who moved first but you soon found yourself caught in a sweet kiss with Ezra as he cradled your face in his hand.

You weren't sure how but that night you both ended up falling asleep on the couch, you cuddled into Ezra’s lap with your heads buried in eachother's neck.

Rebels!Captain Rex x Reader

Call me whatever you want but Grandpa Rex still owns my heart and thots so, here's this.....

When you reunited with Rex it was when the Rebels had all settled down together and made a base on Chopper Base. You hadn't seen him since the end of clone cars, and had always assumed the worst. But the second you rounded a corner and saw the blue and white armor and helmet under his arm, you knew this was Rex. He may have been missing his blond buzzcut and be thicker around the edges, but he was still handsome and perfect. With tears in your eyes you took off running towards where he was having a conversation with Hera. Though the second you yelled his name, he had whipped around to see you not slowing down for anything. He braced himself and when you got close enough you jumped into his arms and buried your face in his neck with a sob. The two of you held eachother tightly, before Rex pulled back to look at you. The two of you watched eachother for a few minutes before Rex spoke up, "You're still as beautiful as you were during the war." You felt his hand raise to cup your face and as you leaned into it, you told him, "And you, Rex, have aged like the finest whiskey." Rex only chuckled and shook his head before leaning down and giving you a sweet kiss. Then you both heard a small cough and turned to find a very amused Hera. Rex blushed and apologized, but Hera just shook her head and told Rex to take the rest of the day to spend time with you. You smiled and thanked her, before she turned and left.

The two of you spent the rest of the evening talking about what had happened after the war, all the while holding each other close and tightly like if they let go, then the other might disappear. The kisses were also frequent, and often interrupted whoever was talking. You weren't sure how late it was, but the two of you had some how ended up in Rex's room, cuddled up on his bed. Rex had your hand and was playing with your fingers as you talked, but you found yourself trailing off and scooting closer to Rex. He looked at you with a smile as you leaned in for another kiss, but this kiss got deeper and more passionate than the others had been. And by the time you pulled away for air, You were straddling Rex's lap. He cautiously put his hands on your hips. You looked into his eyes at his hesitation to find him just staring straight forward before he spoke up quietly, "I, um, cyare, I don't look the way I used to...... so I-" "Do you not want to have sex with me Rex?" His eyes jumped up to yours shocked before he rushed out, "Of course I do, I have never wanting anything than to be with you again in this moment." "Then whats the problem? Because from what I can see right now you are still as sexy as the first time I laid eyes on you." Rex only blushes again and looks down, before you grab the sides of his face and force him to look into your eyes as you smile deviously and ask innocently,"Or is it because a certain part of you doesn't work quite right anymore?" Rex's demeanor changed instantly and he growled flipping you over face down onto the bed and pinned your hands down as he ground his hips into yours and you could only moan at the very prominent buldge, as Rex mutter, "I'll show you just how well it still works, cyare." He managed to strip you both down in record time, before you felt the head of his cock nudge that your entrance and you could only moan and try and push back onto him. Rex grabbed your hips to steady them before he pushed in as slowly as he possibly could, savoring the feeling of your walls gripping him tightly again after all these years. When he bottomed out, both of you moaned and you couldn't help but clench around him at how full you felt, and wiggle your ass trying to get him to move. After a few seconds he did, pulling out slowly before slamming back into you and immediately hitting that spot inside of you that only he could ever reach. Rex repeated this over and over until you were a whiny mess and you were begging him to go faster. But rather than change his pace, Rex only pulled you up so your back was to his chest and as his pace stayed the same he reached around and pressed against your throbbing clit telling you, "Come one baby, I need you to cum around my cock..... I, kriff, I wanna feel yo-ou cum around me before I let go...Kri-iff please baby I'm so close." You could only roll yours eyes back as the pleasure of your orgasm instantly hit you as you heard Rex beg for you to cum. Only then did Rex curse and speed up his pace to something quicker and sloppy, and his pace did nothing but my your oversensitive walls hug his cock tighter, before with a low grunt Rex buried himself completely inside of you and you felt his cum fill you more than you already were.

After catching his breath, Rex pulled out and laid onto the bed pulling you on to his chest. You both laid there for a few minutes, you tracing you finger on his chest as you listened to his hear beat. Then you felt his cum start to seep out of you and you cringed and started to get up, only to be stopped by Rex's arms pulling you back down. "Where are you going cyare?" "I was just gonna get something to clean myself up with. I'll be right back i promise." This time as you started to move, Rex flipped you onto your back and said, "Who said we were done? I have lost time to make up for, cyare..." And when you felt his fully hard cock press into you again, you knew you were in for a L O N G but pleasure filled night.

#my thots #sinful sunday #ezra prospect x reader #ezra x reader #captain rex x reader #rex x reader

[it-was-all-a-beautiful-dream]

Going, Going, Gone (Spencer Reid x Reader) Chapter 5

Warnings: Mentions of death and injury/much angst

Word Count: 2k

----------------------------------------------------------------------

-Spencers POV-

His heart stopped. There she was. Right there, if only he could climb through the screen and grab her, shielding her from further harm. He was angry, she looked so small, from what he could make out on the screen you were tied to a bed, bound by chains, blood and wounds scattered in different shapes and sizes over your almost naked body.

Spencer heard a gasp from behind him, turning he noticed JJ staring at the screen seeing exactly what he was. He didn’t have time to deal with peoples feelings, he just needed to figure out where his girl was and quickly. Emily had joined him back at the laptop.

“Oh my god.” Her voice was full of panic and hate. Then her eyes went wide when she heard Rossi’s voice travelling up the attic stairs.

“Spencer, did you find anything yet.” Spence turned to look at the man and then back at the screen, angling his body so it was in front of Rossi’s line of sight. Emily was trying to get him to go back down stairs but he was having none of it, pushing passed her to get to the source of the commotion. Spencer couldn’t bare to listen to the angry cries of his colleague, the angry, broken cries of a father. He was too focused on taking in everything he could, trying to look passed your broken and beaten down, still breathing body, to figure out if there was anything to lead them to you.

Spencer hit a button on his mobile, a direct line to Garcia who was anxiously waiting for anything back at her cyber lab.

“Go boy wonder what have you got for me.” Penelope’s joking voice faltered when Spencer informed her of their findings. He sent the video clip of Y/N over to Penelope to analyse further. Her voice quivering as she promised Spencer she’d be found.

Spencer took a look at the screen again, noticing marks up the algae covered walls. They were water marks, which told you how high the water sometimes flooded inside the building. He let Garcia know so she could narrow her search to a building that would be underground near water and it took her mere seconds to come back with a location.

“It’s an old underground bunker, the Unsubs father was some kind of doomsday preparation nut, it’s next to the Teal River, i’ve sent the exact location to your phones.” The team were out the door in seconds, hoping and praying that this is where they would find you alive. They needed to find you alive.

“Were coming for you sweetheart just hold on, were coming.” In that moment Spencer did something he never did, he prayed.

-Un-Subs POV-

“It’s almost time. Almost time to get rid of the girl. She put up a bigger fight than I thought she would. A few more stab wounds and cuts aught to do the trick, let her die slowly in her cell, die slowly just like my girl did. They will pay, they will all pay.”

-Your POV-

You coughed. You could hear that your breathing was getting worse and it felt like the air was slowly being sucked out of you. You knew you didn’t have long left. You would have liked to cry, feel sorry for yourself, for the fact that you’d never have a future with Spence, never see your father again and never see the team you called family again, but you were too dehydrated and your body couldn’t even function enough to produce a single drop. You slumped against the sticky cold wall, dry blood smeared across your face and in your hair. Your leg was still bleeding but you’d managed to stop it slightly by using some dirty cloth from the mattress you were sitting on. An infected leg was better than bleeding out.

Your eyes closed and you thought about Spencer. How his mind would be working over time trying to piece together the clues and find you before you met your demise. You wanted to believe they would find you in time but your hope was slowly fading away with your consciousness.

You thought about your father and how he’d been in the BAU for so long, founded it with your godfather Gideon, how it was basically his whole life, as well as you. You hoped that when you were gone he’d be able to move on, that he wouldn’t hurt for too long and hopefully one day he’d re-marry, god knows he could use a strong woman in his life after your mum died.

You thought about your friends.. family at the BAU. Your best friend Luke Alvez who treated you more like a little sister, always taking you under his wing and giving you advice even when you didn’t need it. You hoped he’d stay at the BAU, that if you died, it wouldn’t effect him too much and he’d be able to get back to some kind of normal life. You wish there was a way to tell him he could have your baseball card collection, he’d always wanted it. You laughed a little, a sad laugh, already grieving for the people you were going to lose. Thinking about all the things you still wanted to do in life. They say that when you die you life flashes before your eyes, they were wrong. It’s before that, it plays through your head like a movie, going over all the things you’d never get to see.

In your mind you pictured what your wedding day would be like. Spencer would want a small wedding full of close family and friends and you’d agree. The perfect setting your fathers large back garden, flowers everywhere, surrounded by the people you love. The gentle exchanging of rings and the kiss he would give you that would still make your toes curl even when you were old and grey.

Children. You wanted at least 4. You wanted so many children with Spencer because you knew he’d make the most amazing father, even if he’d be scared they’d carry the gene for schizophrenia. They’d have his curly hair and your eye colour, his calmness and his smarts while they had your artistic nature and kindness. They’d love to stay with Grandpa, who would tell them all kinds of stories of his time in the FBI, obviously leaving out the heavy stuff. Your friends would come over and you’d always have big dinners and get togethers, BBQ’s in the summer, your lives full of life and laughter and there would always be him. Right by your side. Your Spencer. You’d grow old together, still love each other as hard as you do now. Until your last breath. You pictured going out like the scene in the notebook, old and in each others arms. The world would always be right, if you had your Spencer Reid.

You could feel your breathing slowing, the sound of heavy footsteps running down the echoing corridor. It was too late. You were sure the Un-sub was coming to finish you off once and for all, leave you somewhere for your family to find, another body in another case the BAU would eventually solve. But it was too late for you. The door swung open and your eyes closed. The pain was gone and so were the chances of seeing your Spence one last time.

-Spencers POV-

The SUV’s came to a screeching halt outside the bunker. There was a gravelled path that lead towards the doors that were hidden behind shrubs. It was one of those lucky by chance things, the team arrived and the Un-sub was outside, about to go into the bunker. While Prentiss and JJ read him his rights and stuck him in the back of the car, Spencer, Rossi and Luke threw open the metal doors and made their way inside cautiously. Spencer wanted to throw all caution to the wind. Guaranteed the two other men he was with wanted to as well. All they wanted to do was get their girl back. But sometimes looks could be deceiving and more danger could be lurking up ahead. In this case, there wasn’t.

Spencer ran down the long echoing corridor, medics behind him. The cells were empty apart from one.

“Y/N! Y/N! Can you hear me? Were here Darling just hold on okay, i’m here baby i’m here.” Spencers voice was full of panic as the three men used all their strength to open the tightly sealed bunker door. Spencer could faintly see through the porthole door, the grime and condensation obstructing his view slightly. You weren’t moving. He started to panic even more and when the door hissed and flung open it was if the world was moving in slow motion.

You were pale, eyes closed, dry blood across your practically naked body. Dirty cloth wrapped around your blood soaked thigh and cuts littered your body in all shapes and sizes. One of your hands was handcuffed to a railing next to the rusty spring covered bed and you looked smaller than you’d ever looked before. Spencer was on you in seconds. Luke had bolt cutters and had snipped the handcuff from the railing. Rossi was frozen in his spot, his daughter lifeless in front of him. Spencer lifted you carefully in his arms laying you on the ground.

“She has no pulse! She’s not breathing! She’s not breathing!” He started pumping your chest, 1,2,3,4…. check, no sign of breathing. He held your nose and blew into your mouth twice, Luke took over chest compressions as the paramedics set up the defibrillator. More Paramedics arrived, pushing the two FbI Agents away so they could work on you more thoroughly. Some tended to your still bleeding cute, needles attached to you for IV bags and then.

“Everyone clear!” The defibrillator sounded up. The shocking noise and the thud your body made against the cold floor seemed to echo all around. They shocked you a total of four times before they managed to get a weak pulse.

The ambulance ride wasn’t long, especially now that you had a police escort and most of the flashing lights in the city. You died and came back 3 times in the ambulance. Spencer hadn’t stopped crying since he found you bleeding and lifeless.

On arrival to the hospital you were instantly taken to surgery, some of the stab wounds too severe to be treated normally. The BAU occupied the waiting room, Rossi sat numbly staring at the floor, Spencer paced back and fourth, Luke kept on asking the Dr for updates every ten minutes and the rest of the team just waited for any news at all.

——————————————————————————————————

-Your POV-

You hadn’t remembered your cell being this bright. Maybe your captor had taken you outside. Maybe you hadn’t died in time to be spared of the cruel torture that was about to follow. What was that dreadful beeping sound? You blinked, your eyes taking their time to adjust to your surroundings. You were defiantly somewhere else and you started to panic, the beeping got louder and faster. You tried to sit up.

“Spencer! Spencer! Wake up she’s awake!” You couldn’t make out the voice clearly, it sounded like… your dad? But how? Were you dreaming. Maybe this was your body in its final stages playing a cruel trick on your subconscious.

You tried to talk, but your throat was dry and you were hit with a wave of pain. Someone pressed ice chips to your lips, slowly but surely you accepted them, the coolness coating your vocal cords.

“Please, please tell m-me this isn’t a d-dream.” A tear leaked from the corner of your eye and rolled down your cheek only to be kissed away by… your Spencer.

“Baby, it’s not a dream, I found you, we found you. You’re safe now and I’m never letting you go again.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Welp, There we go. The final chapter! I hope you liked this mini series! If you like Criminal minds or want me to write for anyone else.. maybe Luke Alvez... let me knowwww i'll consider it ;) Please Reblog/follow/like <3333

Tag List:

@waddles03

@nocturnalherb16

@reidscardigan

#criminal minds #spencer reid #david rossi #emily prentiss #jennifer jareau #derek morgan #aaron hotchner #luke alvez #penelope Garcia #criminal minds garcia #criminal minds fandom #criminal minds imagine #angst #fluff #crime #series #fanfic #spencer reid x reader #spencerreid #reid

[dreams-of-emerald]

The blaring sound of the alarm clock enveloped the once quiet room. It continued for a few more seconds before it was turned off.

The first one to open their eyes was the female in bed, despite not being the one who reached out for the alarm clock. She smiled as she gazed upon her husband who seemed to have gone back to dreamland.

“I’ll make breakfast, love.” She said and kissed his temples before getting up.

She slipped on her slippers, grabbed her hair tie before proceeding to their kitchen.

Like always, she would tie her long blonde hair in a messy bun as she hates to have it getting in the way of her cooking.

She washed her hand before touching any ingredients that she set up, as a doctor, and ever since she was a kid she had always been wary of germs.

“What to make?” She whispered to herself. Her blue eyes landed on a loaf of brioche bread before an idea came to mind.

While she was busy cooking. She finally heard the showers turned on which could only mean that her husband had finally gotten up.

They had been married for 5 years now.

Their story was your typical romance tale. They had been childhood sweethearts, met at summer camp became friends, and turned into lovers. They were together for 4 years before he proposed. She had to finish her studies in the medical field before they got married.

Nina, her name, or what at least the closest people call her. She filled her cup with coffee and she did the same for her husband. She set up the sandwiches that she made on separate plates and sat down.

She was staring into thin air and thinking about the past when she felt her husband kiss the top of her head.

“Seem to be in deep thoughts.” Her husband said before he took the seat in front of her. “Yeah, just thinking about when we first met.

A grin spread on the man in front of him. “The time when I fell from the tree trying to impress you?” He took a sip of his coffee.

She rolled her eyes. “You said you were trying to get a better view of the camp.”

“And you believed me?” His tone sounded amused.

“Well, I pretended to.” She smirked and gave a wink which made him chuckle in return.

“So, what do we have here?” He looked at the sandwich on his plate.

“They call that egg drop sandwich in Korea. Made my version.”

He nodded before taking a bite. “Hmmm.”

“Do you like it?”

“I always like what you make-but this is amazing.”

“Glad you approve.”

“What are those? Extras?”

“For you and Lucas. You two should stop skipping meals. You’re police, it would be embarrassing to die from hunger.”

Lucas was his partner cop, they’ve been colleagues since he started his career. Though Lucas was older than him, they seemed to hit it off.

“We won’t.”

Yes, Henrik Berg, her husband is part of the law enforcement. While he was busy protecting the city, she was busy saving lives. That’s how their team work.

She went back to her coffee. “I was thinking.”

“Hmmm?”

“Well I read a book that there are two realities, hypothetically thinking- if there is, I wonder what you’d look like? What your career is?”

Ever since he was young, Henrik always wanted to be a police officer like his grandpa. He loved hearing how his grandpa was able to help out with cases. He caught bad guys. It intensified when he saw DC heroes and Marvel. Sure, he can’t be batman but the closes to becoming a superhero is by being a cop.

“What do you think?” He asked trying to humor his wife.

“You know, I didn’t notice this until now. But if you grow your hair long.”

“I can’t, love.”

“I know, but if you did, you’ll look like Thor!”

He thought for a while. “I don’t think so, hun.”

“Then maybe you had long hair on the alternate universe.”

“Lucas is rubbing his geekiness on you.”

“We’ll you gotta hand it to the guy. He knows how to make a conversation. The problem is when he would stop.” She said then took a bite on her sandwich.

Henrik chuckled as he waited for her to swallow her food.

“Oh! but love, It would be amazing if your skills were that of spiderman.”

“A face like Thor and spiderman skills?”

She sips on her coffee. “Yeah, like a climbing instructor or something.”

Henrik shook his head. “And what would you be?”

“I’d still be hot.”

Henrik laughed nearly choking on his last bite. “Well you are, babe but your job?”

“I dunno, something that I haven’t had the courage to do like vlogging?”

“Don’t you want to start doing it?”

“And what would be my content? Surgeries?” She raises her eyebrow. “Hi everyone! Welcome to my channel! For today, I’m gonna show you how to remove a tumor.” she said in a chirpy voice.

Henrik laughed once more.

“I’m sure as hell that my video would be removed before I could even get a view.”

Henrik shook his head before raising his hands in defeat.

“So, I’ll leave the vlogging to my other self.”

“What if she’s not a vlogger.”

“Then she’d be a pop star.”

“If she isn’t?”

“I dunno, a student? Working community service? Why are you ruining my jobs?”

“You’re a surgeon, love. No one can top that.”

“Um… Taylor Swift?” She shook her head. “That’s not the point, can we leave my occupation to vlogging?”

Henrik nodded with an amused expression as he took another sip from his cup. “So how’d we meet?”


“I dunno if we’d even meet.”

“If we don’t… this discussion is over.”

“You’re no fun.” Nina pouted. “Well, we could meet like how modern humans meet.”

“Dating app?”

“Let's make it interesting. Like a dating show where one gets dump if we fail to get a couple.”

“Okay, and how would that work?”

“And we’d only be living in one villa or something to establish a connection.”

“For a minute you sounded like Lucas.”

“Love, please?”

“Alright continue.”

“And the setting should be a tropical Island. Like we’d be wearing swimwear throughout the day.

“No way! No deal! No one is eyeing on you-“

“Babe it’s just a thought and we’re already married.”

“Yes, we are. So leave our alternate selves and let them live their lives please.”

Nina laughed. “Alright alright.”

“Where do you get these weird ideas anyway?”

“You know what?” His wife looked at him. “I wish your alternate self would be the spontaneous and creative one in their ralationship.”
“That would be a totally different me.”

“That’s the point, love.” She grinned. “Anyway, now that my thoughts are out. You should go to work. I hear a car pulling over.”

“Alright. Thanks for breakfast.” Henrik got up and grabbed th food that his wife packed.

He kissed her forehead before leaving. “Enjoy your rest day, love. I’ll see you later.”

“Okay, take care and comeback alive.”

“Will do.”

With that he went out and closed the door.

“Alright! Now, to do the chores.”

And this is how Nina Berg spends her rest day.

_______ M E A N W H I L E_______

In another part of the world-

A blonde haired woman with the same features and name was seen getting up early. She tried to enjoy the morning sunshine. The cool, morning air carried the sound of the gentle melodies of the birds.

Just then, a splash could be heard coming from the pool. Her eyes scanned the pool area and found two boys sitting with their feet in water. The blond one was dripping wet

She could hear him say “I can’t believe we’re really here.” As a grin spread on his lips.

“Tell me about it! I can’t wait to meet the girls.” She almost didn’t caught what the black hair lad said.

But definitely, this was the start of an amazing summer.

——END——-

So, I was watching the Good doctor and put that aside for Hawaii five 0 and I got hooked. Then I saw Fear street all 4 of ‘em so my mind went crazy with a lot of thoughts popping here and there as a result. — this short fic.

#litg2 #litg henrik #love island the game #alternate universe #fluff #fanfiction #fanfic

[thevividgreenmoss]

My grandfather was awake and lucid for a longish while between late Friday night and Saturday morning apparently first time since this past Sunday when we all thought that was It and crammed ourselves seven people in one sedan that got a flat on the way over of course (as we were leaving the handle of the screen door came off in my hand as I was closing it behind me so the vibe was very on the nose things farcically falling apart that whole goddamn day lol) but then when we made it he was smiling and laughing and talking to and teasing everyone that was there, albeit with much more effort than it would have taken him even just a week earlier when he was already in a really frail state because of his hip surgery. My sister happened to be up later than she usually ever is and got to video call and chat with him for a bit I wanted terribly for my cousin in Colorado to be able to also but by the time he could get through my grandpa's blood pressure had suddenly spiked or something and he'd drifted back into that borderline unconscious state so they didn't get a chance to talk which makes me want to claw my fucking skin off of my face but who knows maybe another opportunity will present itself hopefully it does like he suddenly became really talkative and energized the other day after not having said more than maybe a couple sentences over the few previous days like I was there with him for several hours on Thursday and the entire time he didn't say a word and only opened his eyes once for like half a second and even that I might have been imagining after sitting there sleep-deprived and holding his hand trying not to cry because then my mom would start crying and then my aunt and on and on and if he's conscious at that point he'll start to get worried and his heart rate will destabilize but after that for this one stretch without anyone expecting it he was really talkative and alert and joking around with the nurses and doctors and all that for a while but then later yesterday afternoon he started to get disoriented and drift in and out of the present in between dreaming and waking again at one point apparently he kept saying 'look at my shoes' to my mom and her sisters and they thought it was just just the medication/pain-induced delirium talking but he kept insisting and eventually said 'you're not taking me seriously' and I guess gave up? Or said it a few more times I'm not clear on the course of events I only heard all this secondhand when my younger aunt, who also got diagnosed with cancer late last year but thankfully is more or less in the clear now, got back home last night and she and I went into his room and took all the shoes out of the cabinet he keeps them in and like looked inside and turned over and examined the soles of every pair, took the cushion insert things out of the ones that had them, checked for scooby doo-esque hidden doors, all that but there was nothing there just shoes. Her kids flew back out yesterday morning, the older one's tentatively returning to Toronto in the next week or so she had a painfully rough time in some ways her first couple of years and then abruptly had to be uprooted and leave because of covid then everything with her mom and in time honored eldest daughter tradition bearing the brunt of the familial frustration and insanity associated with that and now everything with our grandpa I really really want her senior year to go smoothly and be enjoyable and memorable in a manner opposite to how this past year+ has been I'm so worried about her and her little sister's starting freshman year there in the fall and I'm terribly worried about her in a whole different way like she's still really attached to her parents in this innocent way that still strongly resembles like a baby's adoring my mom hung the moon type attachment and it can be especially hard being away for the first time ever when that's the case...like she's hyper hypersensitive even by my family's standards lmao but she does have this sort of self-possession and inner groundedness that no one can quite pin down but it's

definitely there and maybe that

could carry her through I really hope so...they were saying to come up to visit them in the fall hopefully I can find a job soon after returning to Texas and like be able to afford to do that and also like keep paying the bills and shit lol in either case I hope so so badly that they'll be okay like I think they will be the women in my family are all really strong but they've also had to be because of various fucked circumstances and I don't want that to keep having to be the case...my grandpa's a Strong Woman in a certain way also honestly lmao like my mom's aunts have always been like your father raised you in a way beyond even most mothers which like who fucking receives let alone genuinely deserves that kind of praise from their in-laws lmao let alone a man from a notoriously patriarchal culture of a generation when fathers from any culture barely had any involvement in their children's upbringing at all which I mean most still don't but even more so back then and like literally everyone we've been hearing from or seeing drop by at the hospital has a story of how at one point or another my grandpa was there for them when no one else was like distant cousins variously removed and loose family friends all with something about how he comforted me when no one else could, I remember word for word what he said to me when I suffered some loss of my own, he's the strongest man in our family, the best times we ever had were when he was near us, when he'd take us out, his youngest brother's children saying he cared for and spoiled them as if their were his own after their dad died suddenly when they were just kids, my mom's third cousin whose own father was with her till a late age saying that he was even more of a father to me than my own father, his other brother's son who was ostracized for decades by his immediate family on some straight up racist ass bullshit on the part of his mom and older brother because he married a black woman but my grandpa stayed in touch and made sure my mom and uncle did as well and made sure we all got together when he'd came to the states, like even now lying there on what very well might be his literal deathbed when he can barely talk he was telling my uncle he's worried about him and he needs to go home and rest, asking who's taking care of the house, are the kids all okay even at this point his thoughts are for others. After I put his shoes back in the cabinet I closed it and opened the one beside just in case I guess just in case what I don't know but it was just like standard cabinet stuff clothes a shaving kit and a couple of what I assume are photo albums that I didn't feel like I should open for some reason and a few old books, a collection of Ghalib's which I can't really read very easily if at all because it's in Urdu lol, a history of government college of Lahore where his father was teaching at the time of his death and the two philosophy textbooks my great grandfather had written himself, Inductive & Deductive Reasoning, and inside the latter I found a handful of yellowed pages torn out of an old notebook upon which mostly seem to be translations of french poems and I think maybe a song or two? I guess old coursework or just for funsies I'm not sure whether written by my grandfather or his own father. My khala was mentioning just the other day that she'd kept one of my grandpa's old notebooks marked as having been designated for biology but inside it were no actual notes just urdu poetry which she wasn't sure whether it was his own original tossed off work or something the lifelong frustrated creative transcribed while bored in class. The night I got here I was looking through his bookshelves after everyone had gone to bed and then a couple of weeks ago I was sitting in the living room by myself watching archer when my cousin came and sat down next to me upset and unable to sleep on her own first night here and I held her and tried not to cry and then went through the same bookshelves again, this time with my cousin who we came to Pakistan for the first time after moving to the US

to see being born who turned three

the day we arrived on what until this current trip was the last time I was here her little sister having just been born earlier that same year (whose life I may or may not have saved when I caught her after she was dropped by the person holding her (the fact that (parentheticals within parentheticals!) I may or may not have been the one who dropped her in the first place is immaterial imo not that I'm the one on trial here but what's important is that I caught her and if anything this would be an even more athletically impressive and frankly heroic incident if I'd been the one that was holding her to begin with since I was 8/9 years old at the time and there wasn't much of a distance for her to fall and yet I kept her from hitting the ground like talk about reflexes like that's what's important and what's more important than even that @ my year older cousin (whose younger sister was the first baby in the family after myself whose arrival in this world when I was three had me positively giddy in the way that young children get when witnessing the miracle of even younger children, who's the only other one of the cousins that's been here during all this, just me and the three I got to see as darling little babies) who was the only other person in the room with me at the time, is that we take this to our fucking graves no one can hear a word of this least of all any adults in the house who like not that they're the ones on trial here either but like who allowed for this scenario to transpire in the first place where two children and an infant are in a room by themselves unsupervised in retrospect that's somewhat irresponsible not that I'd ever hold it against them or even mention it because then they might get mad and not let me hold my little cousin anymore and I do love holding my little baby cousin and carrying her around everywhere, mostly without incident)) neither of whom I'd see in person again until we visited them in Canada the summer after I graduated college the trip during which I finished the last of the Neapolitan novels the day after landing and turned 22 the day after their mother, my younger khala, turned 43, looking through my nana's bookshelves with my baby cousin no longer a baby but a U of T classics major entering her senior year, noting the overlaps with our own, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, George Eliot, the same exact copies of Cheever and Kafka's collected shorts, Umberto Eco, Proust, wondering what the various titles meant to him or what they might say about him, wondering how much of even the version of him that can be hypothesized based off his library I'm missing now that I'm limited to the much reduced version of what had been in his old home in Lahore (when he visited us after my junior year of hs and my mom was trying to convince him to downsize and move in with my other aunt with whom he's been living the past several years, the one who most resembles my grandfather the only one that has his cheekbones my khala whose eyes have sunken all the way into her skull before my eyes with exhaustion and grief over the past two weeks, when my mom was like what's the point of just hanging onto a bunch of books that you've already read: I look at them [dramatic pause], and I feel happy [my mom sighing equally dramatically in.exasperation, me cracking up in the background]) the city I was born in the house where I spent the first almost five years of my life before we moved to the US to join my dad who'd moved back shortly after my mom became pregnant with what turned out to be me, abu nana's house with the garden we'd walk through every morning holding his hand and following along as he puttered around with his plants in the garden in the house in the city he had to leave to move into my khala's house in Islamabad where I've been the past almost a month now where two weeks ago he suddenly came down with pneumonia and had to be dragged to a hospital in Rawalpindi where he's been since, not in his house, my nana's house, with the garden in the city I haven't seen since the last time I was in this country the

summer I

turned nine the day after my khala turned 30 the day before my other khala turned 32(?) the summer I first remember obsessive compulsive disorder becoming an overwhelming aspect of my consciousness although it was there before, the first summer of the Iraq war and being terrified watching the Iraq war unfold on the BBC evening news my nana would turn on

at dinner time and hearing for the first time or maybe just the first time I remember the night we left the phrase 'the rich will get richer and the poor will get poorer' from my younger khala talking to her sisters and some family friends that had come over to see us off feeling terrified and cold then embarrassed because she noticed my face visibly fall from across the room and told my mom and I was like godammit everyone knows I'm scared now smhead then crying the entire flight back home because I missed everyone and maybe had a little kid premonition that I wouldn't return to my nana's house and I would be years and years till I saw any of them again some I still haven't or maybe there was nothing premonitory about it but in either case that's the way it turned out. I do feel grateful I got to see him again at all, when he last came to the US late 2016-early 2017 I was sure it would be the last time we would be in the same room. I'd make breakfast for us every morning and we'd eat together and the entire day I'd sit next to him inhaling secondhand smoke and talking and reading. I was in the midst of my initial aborted attempt to read Swann's way when he arrived. I'd gotten to Guermantes way last summer but I couldn't find a secondhand copy so I had to read it via ebook and that didn't feel right so I abandoned it until now I've been reading a copy pulled from his bookshelf. Last he visited was the first time I learned we were both Garcia Marquez-heads which I'd kind of assumed before and I showed him Mad Men which he heavily fucked with and also every John Le Carre adaptation I could track down online. From the first time I read one hundred years of solitude the summer after freshman year of college the passage describing Colonel Aureliano Buendia's death already absolutely and unbearably heartwrenching enough immediately brought thoughts of my grandfather, aching aching sorrow over the solitude that he himself existed within in all the fucking pain his life has been inordinately filled with grief over the knowledge of this inevitable final separation from him after so many years and so much distance already having separated him from the people he loved and cared for and he loved and cared for so many people so deeply with such sincerity and beauty and endless endless warmth and compassion and humor when Gabo wrote of the colonel trying to reach back through to his memories and being unable to after previously recalling that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice even years later, as he faced the firing squad, at the moment of his death like a 'baby chick' my poor frail beautiful grandfather appearing exactly the same way when he'd take off his dentures and curl over to the side to sleep, then when awake but still half asleep hearing your voice having brought his apple cider vinegar and garlic concoction or a cup of tea or just coming by to hold his hand or play with his beard the way all of his grandchildren have at one point or another and smiling with his eyes still closed smiling bright and wide the expression of a precious little cat purring as you scratch under its chin always the most beautiful smile and even as his hair turned white and his body withered and wrinkled and shrunk his cheekbones while still not bad long ago ceased being the way they were in that picture from his wedding day back when he he looked like young Robert De Niro's much much prettier Kashmiri cousin from then until now always that same radiance and those same quick-witted and kind and bright bright bright sparkling eyes. The past month and a half I've been feeling like I'm seeing my own mother dying before my eyes along with her father, my adorable beloved abu nana, I can't even begin to comprehend how she must be feeling right now I feel like I'm witnessing her death in advance through all of this and losing the part of her that is him even though I know that's not actually the case. Things have been so fucking painful and complicated between us but the one thing we've shared that's never

been painful is our love for him. When he left after his last visit four years ago I spent the next two days barely able to even talk. Compliments or like any positive comments directed in my directions have almost always caused me this reflexive discomfort and uneasiness but whenever he or anyone else would say that I'm his favorite grandchild I'd want to hold on to that as closely as i possibly can. I don't want him to leave us and more than that I want for whatever happens to at least happen with him back at home but neither of those things seem likely right now although who the fuck knows. I hope his last thoughts can be of flowers, like Kafka's, and Lispector's, or of love, wherever he is I hope it's not asking too much to hope for that at least. For someone that spent his life so deeply immersed within that Garciamarquesian solitude he never made those around him feel any way other than at home, safe and warm and loved and adored and adorable and lovable and at home not because of a place not even the garden at the house in Lahore but with him always always I've never felt more at home than during the times I spent near him, and his love and his flowers

[froegs]

My Stardew OC’s!

long post, but feel free to read up if u wanna ask questions or request to see more of them!!

Ivy Sodbuster!

Quick Facts about Ivy:

She worked in customer service @ joja for 6 years

She was a dedicated scene kid 8th grade and all through high school, unfortunately she had to trash (almost) all her clothes and redye her hair bc of joja 😞

She only wore business casual bc she would go and work for seven hours and come home, sleep, repeat. When she started working on the farm she was broke as hell so she had to rip the sleeves off her shirts and cut her jeans into jorts so she could have work clothes

Emily was her first friend in town bc she saw ivys busted ass and said..... let me help you

She became friends with Sam second just because. He was around.

She inherited grandpa’s farm with her cousin, Oakley (my friends oc, once she finalizes a design I’ll draw them more).

Oakley’s more “mature” (bc shes 30) but she just is really anxious. Ivy tries to set her up with Leah but they don’t click,,, Oakley ends up falling for chicken man.

Sam introduces Ivy to Seb and instead of Farmer falling for NPC its the other way around Fr.

Seb crushes on Ivy immediately

His first attempt at flirting was like “hey ivy...... wanna see me beat Sam at 8pool for 3 hrs straight?” And Ivy immediately joined Sam’s side and demolished Seb in 8ball.

Ivy ended up hanging out with the ASS trio on a daily.

Seb and Ivy started dating Fall 1 of year 1 after they confessed their feelings for each other during the dance of the moonlight jellies festival

They moved in together 3 days after Seb’s bday

And were married Summer 10

They fast burned this bitch but they are so stupidly in love

In Year 3 Spring Ivy’s other cousin on her moms side became pregnant and chose to give it up for adoption, but beforehand she asked everyone in the family if they wanted a baby

Ivy looked at Seb like 👀

So on Year 3 Winter 1 they brought home their son, Finn

I think this is a classic trope for all Sebastian lovers but he def dresses Finn up in a frog onesie and calls him tadpole !!

Her favorite activity is fishing, that’s how’d she find excuses to hang out with Seb by the lake

She loves making artisan items, especially truffle oil. Oakley prefers large crops and agricultural designing and ivys like fuck yeah mushroom >:D

Milo NoLastName!

Quick Facts About Milo:

Milo was smuggled into Pelican Town by the Traveling Merchant when he was 6 and was taken in by Gil and Marlon.

Gil was 55 and Marlon was 46 when they “adopted” Milo

Gil took the most care of him and Marlon kind of had the attitude of like... a dad when your family pressures him to get a dog. First week their like FINE I GUESS we have to TAKE CARE of HIM. Next week: me and the bestie!

Milo looks up to Gil so much. His favorite brown jacket was Gil’s old one.

Marlon took Milo into the mines when he turned ten as a sort of “coming of age” trip and.... a bat nipped a part of his ear off.

Marlon said it’ll build character

But he was freaking out about it

Gil was upset but got it patched up.

I head canon that Evelyn taught the kids in town before they went off to high school, so four times a week (he’d usually stay home Friday to reset and relax or help out his dads) he’d have to socialize with the others

But he was always a few years older than them so he felt kind of distant

The others in question were Alex, Penny, Sam, Abigail, Sebastian, and Maru

Once he graduated middle school he convinced Gil to let him homeschool so he could find geodes and sell them during most the day.

When he was 17 he finally reached floor 120 of the mines, but on his way climbing back up he got attacked by three squid kids and void spirits, lost his left ear, and blacked out

He was rescued by Marlon, who rushed him home and took care of him

Because Pelican Town didn’t have a doctor at that time, the bus was broken down, all Marlon could do was try and clean up his ear and give him antibiotics and make sure it didn’t become infected

He lost his hearing in that ear

That was the biggest injury he’s gotten so far, but he was grateful when Harvey moved to town

Harvey opened his clinic, fresh faced (ish) at 26 and immediately some scruffed up 24 year old saunters in like “thank GOD ur here dude, here’s fourteen years worth of problems. Good luck.”

It didn’t actually go like that

But

Basically

Milo’s not really a social person, at 25 he discovered he could easily buy a car and drive out to the desert to try his hand at skull cavern. He came prepared but ended up needing emergency surgery that night anyway

He slowly but surely became friends with Sandy and the desert trader. He liked the trader for her prices and Sandy for her kindness.

He also fell in love with....... HARVEY!! (shocker)

Harvey actually fell in love with him first :))

Idiots to lovers slow burn

Hell they’re not even together by the time ivy rolls around and they met like.... 6 years ago??? My god these bitches.....

Pheobe Dy

Quick facts about Pheobe:

Pheobe actually grew up closer to the desert than Zuzu City or pelican town!

Her parents own a decent sized cacti farm and she’d bus into town for school where she met Sandy and Emily!!

I like to believe there’s another town (not as small as Pelican) but close knit in the desert. I hc that Sandy’s shop, skull caverns, and the trader are just like the entry road to a nice desert town

Anyway

She got into fashion and design when Emily pulled her and Sandy into it in sophomore year of high school

Sandy didn’t like it that much and would usually hit glue or staple pieces bc she’d procrastinate the whole time lol

But Pheobe and Em where DEDICATED

they’d hang out after school to design clothing and critique each other’s work (with love, of course)

Pheobe went to college for clothing design with her backup being IT and computer work (another passion of hers)

She started dating Sebastian when she met him during a trip to a small computer repair store in ZuZu city

He thought she was cute so he gave her his number and they met at Stardrop Saloon

She felt a need to like him, not because she was actually attracted to him in any way, but because she was a ~closeted lesbian~

So that relationship didn’t last too long

Ok maybe a little

2 years

But she’s bad at cutting off things, ok?

That’s when she realized she liked her best friends... Sandy and Emily

Emily and Sandy were already in a pretty open relationship by the time Pheobe came around, but it still took her some courage to admit her feelings to them.

They started dating when all three of them were around 26.

Emily moved with her sister Haley to pelican town a year into their relationship, and Sandy and Pheobe followed.

They bought a car so Sandy could maintain her shop in the desert

There is now a house where that garden that Harvey stands in 25/8 is. And Sandy and Pheobe live there. I don’t make the rules.

Pheobe and Emily work together on a small clothing company, they design the clothes together, Emily makes them, Pheobe made a website and uploads them there, and Sandy sells some at her shop :D

The three of them would like to tie the knot one day, but right now they’re super content on where they are, so sometime in the future :)

#long post #stardew valley #stardew valley oc #sodbuster farms #farmer ivy #sdv art #sdv ocs #anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk #Pheobe sdv #Milo sdv #that’s all folks

[starrynite7114]

Anesthesia

A/N: So, I watched that video of the husband coming out of surgery and he was all amazed by his wife, shocked as heck they’re married. I decided to do a one shot that is loosely based on that video. It’s fluffy and I hope you all enjoy!

Masterlist

Tagged list: @iambabyharry​ ; @justahopelessssromantic​ ; @carlaangel86​

Angel chuckled as he assisted you out of the dental office. You just had your wisdom teeth removed and the anesthesia was still in full effect. 

“Who are you?” You questioned him, your voice muffled due to the cotton in your mouth to absorb the blood. 

“My name’s Angel,” Angel looked over at you and you were just staring up at him in awe. “I’m your husband.” 

“My husband?!” Your outburst caused the gauze in your mouth to come out. 

Angel chuckled, leaning you against his truck. He took gauze out from the bag the dental assistant had given him. “Open your mouth baby,” Angel requested. 

“Ah!” You opened your mouth and Angel chuckled once again, amused at the site of you. “Is that cotton candy?” You began to chew and Angel shook his head. 

“Baby, don’t chew, it’s not cotton candy.” Angel opened the door for you, assisting you inside. Once you were situated, he closed the door and walked over to the driver’s side. Sliding in, you had successfully put on your seatbelt and leaned back. “You ready querida?”

“Are you really my husband?” You slightly turned your body so that the side of your head was on the headrest and your eyes on Angel. You couldn’t believe he was your husband, this man was too damn good looking to be tied down. 

“Yes,” Angel laughed, shaking his head. Taking his phone out, he placed it on the holder, facing it towards you so he could record you. “Why do you keep asking?”

“What’s that?” You tilted your head, giggling. “It’s cause you’re so fucking hot.”

“So are you baby girl,” he winked at you, making you giggle more.

Angel pulled out of his parking spot and made his way to your home. Your dentist was an hour out of Santo Padre so this next hour was going to be interesting. 

Looking at the back, you noticed the car seat and looked back at Angel. “You have kids?”

“We have a son,” Angel corrected. 

“We have a kid?” You said in awe. You began crying, immediately alerting Angel.

“Why are you crying?” He reached for your hand, making circular motions with his thumb on the back of your hand, trying to soothe you.

“Cause we have a kid, oh my god,” you sobbed harder. “That’s so beautiful.”

Angel wasn’t sure if he should laugh or be concerned. The dental assistant did warn him that you would be loopy due to the side effects of anesthesia, but this was something else. Angel was definitely enjoying it.

“That’s so amazing, we have a son.” You squeezed his hand, placing it on your cheek, rubbing her cheek against it. “You must be an amazing father, you just look so warm.”

Angel smiled then. He didn’t think he was a good father, but it was a trial and error. Angel tried his best and with you beside him, there was just so much fucking up he could do.

“We make a great team, mi vida.” 

“Your life?” You cried out. “Are you really my husband? You’re so sweet.”

“Yes, baby, look,” he held up his left hand that was on the wheel. His left ring finger had the black band you got him for your fourth wedding anniversary last year. He then held up your left hand, which had a matching band. “We got matching bands.”

“That’s so fucking cheesy,” you giggled. “But that’s so cute. How old’s our son?”

“He’s three, looks just like papi.” Your son was Angel’s pride and joy. He was a mama’s boy, but he adored his father.

“Aw, that’s so cute.” You took out your phone, letting go of Angel’s hand. Your face unlocked the phone and the first picture that greeted you was a picture of you, Angel and your son. It was in front of a Christmas tree, with Angel holding your son and his other arm wrapped around you. Your son was smiling brightly, you all were. “Our son is so cute.” Your eyes began to water again.

“Of course baby, have you fucking seen us?” He smugly pointed out.

“You are fucking hot,” you agreed, biting your lip. “You want to pull over so we can make another kid?”

Angel looked over at you, and he could never deny you. He would tease you as of late since every chance you got, you cornered him and you two had sex. He wasn’t complaining, but he wondered why you were so handsy lately.

“I don’t think so baby, you just had your wisdom teeth removed.” 

“But why did we have it removed?” You pouted, giving him those puppy dog eyes. 

Angel internally groaned. He hated it when you did that, he became putty and he couldn’t win. But he had to win this time, he was certain you wouldn’t push it. 

“Cause it was gonna push your teeth and it would have misaligned your teeth.”

You nodded. “I must like you a lot.”

“Why is that?”

“My heart is beating fast and the butterflies in my tummy goes crazy whenever you look at me.” 

Angel smiled. “Must be why you married me.”

“How long have we been married?” You couldn’t look away from Angel, it was like he would disappear if you did. 

“Four and a half years, we’ve been together for seven years in total.” Angel proudly told you. You were one of the things in his life he never fucked up on. Whenever he would even be close to possibly ruining your relationship, you somehow salvage it. He wasn’t an innocent man and has done things that upset you, but due to his persistence and wallowing, you would take him back. It only happened once because you told him if he even strayed one more time, it was a done deal. 

“I hit the jackpot with you.” 

“It’s the other way around.” He looked over at you and your eyes began closing then, fluttering. “Go to sleep baby.”

“No, you’re going to disappear if I do,” you frowned trying to keep your eyes open.

“Baby, I’m not going to disappear.” He chuckled. “You can’t get rid of me even if you wanted to do so.” 

“I want another baby.”

It’s not like you two haven’t been trying, but your son was a miracle on his own. He was hopeful that you two would be blessed with another child, but he was happy with your little family now. 

“Me too, mi amor, but I’m happy with our family.”

“Can you hold my hand?”

Angel intertwined his hand with yours, resting it on your lap. 

“Anything for you.”

=================

When he arrived home, he carried you out of the car, not wanting to wake you. He locked the car and made his way inside the house. Once inside, he locked the door and brought you to the couch and laid you there. The dentist had advised that soup would be the best thing for you to eat so he had his father cook you some soup, which EZ dropped off. Your son was having a sleepover with grandpa and uncle EZ so that Angel could take care of you after your surgery. 

As he turned on the stove to heat up the soup, he heard you groan.

Walking over to you, he found you sitting up with your right side leaning on the couch. You had the couch that was L-shaped on one side. You had your legs stretched out and tried to get comfortable.

“You okay mi amor?” 

“Baby, it hurts,” you frowned, extending your hand towards Angel. “Hold me.”

“Let me just heat up your soup and I’ll come hold you.”

“‘M not hungry, I just want you to hold me.”

Angel chuckled. He turned off the stove and made his way back over to you. He took off his shoes before he sat beside you, wrapping his arms around you. Resting your head on his chest, he kissed the top of your head. He turned on the television and you two sat in silence with Angel just holding you.

It was his favorite thing to do. You both were very affectionate people. As soon as he was home, he basically did not leave your side and it was the same thing in public. Angel was always draped over you. And you were always wrapped around him. You two would always get teased about how you two always had to be within a few feet from one another, but you couldn’t explain it. You just gravitate towards one another.

“I don’t remember anything after the surgery.”

Angel laughed. “Don’t worry baby, I have it all recorded.”

#angel reyes #angelreyes #angel reyes fanfiction #angel reyes fic #angel reyes imagine #angel reyes fanfic #mayans mc imagine #mayans mc fanfic

[dalamjisung]

messing with my head ❀ im jaebeom

word count: 6515

genre: hospital!au, fluff

pairing: neurosurgeon!jaebeom x baker!reader

description: he always care for everyone, but no once cares for him. until you show up. 

It’s a condition in which there is an over-accumulation of fluid in the brain… surgery for a shunt… potential brain damage… some complications can occur… if not, he’ll live a normal, happy life… timely surgery… fatal. 

                                                                ————————

The day your little brother was born was the happiest day of your life. Eight years ago, little Taehyung gave you a sense of purpose. You were now a big sister– you had someone to love and protect. You had someone to teach, and someone to learn from. As a daughter, you might not have been the best; you rebelled and partied for a while; insisted on bad decision; hung out with the wrong people. But that all changed once you turned 16, and Taehyung turned one. You still remember the moment that the change happened. It was his birthday, and he looked as tiny as ever in his little overalls and fuzzy socks. Just as you were about to blow out the candles for him, he giggles and points his chubby finger at you.

“Y/N!” He screeches, laughter following. “Y/N! Y/N!”

Your mother looks at you, eyes wide and tearful. “That’s right, Taehyung-ie, that’s your noona, Y/N.”

“Y/N!” He screams again and wiggles out of your father’s grasp, crawling to you. 

You pick him up, hugging your little brother close. Tears fall on his head and you let out a gurgled laugh, allowing your parents to hug their children. After that day– the day that Taehyung’s first word was you,– you promised to be better. For your parents, for Taehyung, for yourself. It was time for improvement. You started looking for part-time jobs, stopped hanging out with those bad people, and only attended parties every once in a while. You were lucky your grades never slipped, so you kept up with your studies easily. 

One day, after school, you were walking back home with a friend when you passed by a small, white bakery. No name, no advertisement, nothing but a small we sell delicious baked goods! on the window.

“You go ahead,” You tell your friend as you walk to the bakery. “I’m gonna check this out.”

“I’ll go with you,” Hyejin says, smiling. “Moral support and all.”

Out of all your friends, Hyejin is the only one you knew to be real– she was unforgivingly herself, and you admired that a lot. She’s always been by your side, supporting you and calling you out on your shit. Her friendship is one you’ll never give up on. 

You two walk in, arm in arm, and initially you see no one, but then you hear a pained grunting from behind the counter and you lean over, looking at an elderly woman trying to carry a box that was visibly too have for her. 

“Let me help you, ma’am,” You smile, walking around the counter and easily picking the box up. “Where shall I put this?”

“Ah, thank you so much,” She says smiling, and once you notice how her eyes almost disappear under such bright and wide smile, you feel something inside of you telling that you belong in that place. “I’m getting too old for this…”

“Not at all,” You joke. “I just eat a lot, so I’m freakishly strong.”

She laughs at that and you already feel oddly fond of that woman. 

“You remind me a lot of my grandson, young lady,” She says and start moving around, grabbing things; first a plate, then a cup. “Sit over there, sweetie, I’ll get you and your friend something to eat.”

“Oh, you don’t have to,” Hyejin says, smiling kindly. 

“Please, let me do at least that,” She says, and you two sit down, keeping an eye in case she needed any more help. She brings you two pieces of cake and iced tea, and you are sure you saw stars when you took the first bite, humming in appreciation. “Ah, I’m going to miss this– the look on your faces just made my day…”

“Are you leaving, ma’am?” You ask frowning in disappointment. You had just found out about this place…

“Unfortunately, I might have to close the bakery,” She sighs, looking down at her feet. “I’ve been running this place for almost forty years, with some help here and there, but now I’m old, and I can’t do the things as fast and efficiently as I used to.”

“Have you been working here by yourself, ma’am?” Hyejin frowns.

“My grandson used to help me when he was in high school,” She smiles proudly. “I had to practically kick him out of here so that he’d go to college… but ever since, it’s been just me.” “Let me work here.”

The request comes out fast and strong and you think that’s what makes the owner consider, looking you up and down.

“And why would a young, beautiful girl like you want to work with an old woman like me?” She laughs, dusting her hands in her dress. “You should be enjoying your youth, little girl.”

“Done that already,” You smile, following after her with your used plates and cups. “I want to help my parents. I want to be a good daughter. And I want to be happy while doing so. Let me work here… please.”

“What makes you think you’ll be happy here? Look around you, sweetheart; this place is run down. Customers barely come, anymore, and all I have left are my recipes and good memories. I can’t pay you much, and it’s a very time consuming job, I don’t thi–”

“I don’t care about the pay,” You smile, leaning over the counter. “Ma’am, this place is incredible. My mother’s been backing ever since I was born, so I know a thing or two. I see how happy she is when she’s baking and I see how happy you look in here… I’m sorry if I sound crazy, but please. Let me work here. I can come everyday after school, and even before if you need help prepping ingredients and–”

She raises her hand, silencing you in the process. She has a stern face, observing you. Your smile falters.

“I’m sorry,” You mumble, suddenly embarrassed. “I didn’t mean to press you or disrespect you.”

“Crazy,” She says, squinting. “Might just be what I need… can you start tomorrow?”

And that’s how it all begun. 

                                                               ————————

Seven years after that, you now manage Sweet Dreams alongside Ms. Im. At first, your parents were a little unsure about you working at the bakery, afraid that you’d not handle the weight of school and work very well, but you proved them wrong with each day that passed, improving not only your grades, but also helping out at the house. They refuse to let you help with expanses and told you to put all your paychecks in a saving account, so that you could go to college comfortably. You are now 23 and although you have plans for college one day, you just can’t seem to leave Ms. Im and the bakery behind. The amount of work you put into the place made it your home; you named it, painted it, fixed some of it. Ms. Im has been your mentor ever since you were sixteen and leaving her behind would be like leaving family– and you’d never leave your family. 

Especially not right now.

“How’s the little guy?” Ms. Im asks as you arrive, the sky outside still dark. You had to start prepping the ingredients and baked goods early in the morning, waking up before the sun and observing as it rises along with your cakes. 

“Sleeping a lot still,” You mumble, sounding as worried as you feel. “He complains about headaches all the time and he’s always sick… I’m really worried about him.”

“Are your parents working today?” Ms. Im asks just as you are about to put your apron on. 

“Yeah,” You sigh, suddenly getting a headache yourself. “He’s with grandpa right now, and we think that Advil has been helping, but we can’t keep pushing it much further… it’s been four days already.”

“Take that apron off,” Ms. Im demands and you do it without questioning. “We’re not opening the shop today.”

“What?” You shriek. “But Friday is one of our busiest days!”

“And one of the mellow days at the hospital,” She winks. “Let’s go, I’m driving you.”

“Ms. Im,” You follow her outside, shivering as you haven’t had the time to even put your jacket on. “I can take Taehyung myself, you don’t have to bother, really!”

“You walked into my shop seven years ago begging for a job,” Ms. Im says as she starts driving to your house. “Not only I gained a reliable worker, but I gained a daughter. Now stop complaining; Taehyung can’t see his sister freaking out like that.”

“Thank you,” You smile, wiping a few stray tears away. “Thank you so much.”

“No problem, dear,” She chuckles. “I promise it will be quick– if I’m not wrong, he’s still at the hospital doing an early shift.”

“Who?” You ask.

“My grandson.”

In seven years of working for Ms. Im, you are pretty sure you’ve heard about her grandson at least twice a day. She is incredibly proud of him; he went from a trouble maker to a very successful doctor, it’s all you remember. You are not sure what he does exactly, but you always noticed the tinge of sadness in her voice when she talked about him. In seven year, you heard about him everyday; but in seven years, you’ve never seen him at the shop. 

“Go get the kid,” Ms. Im says pulling up to your house. “I’ll wait here.”

You manage to not wake up you grandfather in the process, but you make sure to leave a note in the fridge telling him that you’re taking your brother to the hospital. 

“Where are we going?” Taehyung asks, groaning as you pick him up from his bed.

“Where going to the hospital, baby,” You say soothingly. “Remember how I went to see a nice doctor when I was in pain and then I felt good? I’m going to take you to see a nice doctor, too.”

“Okay,” Taehyung says and lays his head on your shoulder, drifting back to sleep. 

You text your parents from the car and you promise to keep them updated in case they have to go to the hospital too. Ms. Im parks the car and guides you through the maze that is the hospital, walking as if she owned the place. Some doctors stopped to say hello but she’d keep walking, marching with a purpose, almost. 

“Ms. Im,” You plead, looking around nervously. “We have to get in line, or maybe talk to a nurse, I don’t think we–“

“Ya!” She shouts, waving her small arms above her head and getting everyone’s attention. “Yugyeom!”

If you could hide, you would; but at the same time, you’d never been more thankful towards her, who’s done so much for you as it is. A tall doctor looks around, looking for the source of the ruckus, and he smiles widely when he sees her, jogging his way over. 

“Halmoni!” He shouts and hugs her tightly.

So this is him?, you think to yourself, holding Taehyung tightly against yourself. Is this the famous grandson?

“Y/N,” Ms. Im calls. “This is Yugyeom. Or Dr. Kim, as he is known around here. He is one of the best pediatricians in the city, so I am sure he can help. He’s friends with my boy.”

“Hello, it’s nice to meet you,” He smiles gently. “Who’s that little guy?”

“Oh!” As if you have just awaken from a trance, you bow to him as best as you can while holding your brother. “It’s nice to meet you too; I’m sorry for the sudden visit, Doctor, but–“

“Will the nice doctor help me?” Taehyung asks, looking at the tall man. 

“Yes, I will,” Yugyeom smiles. “What’s your name?”

“Taehyung,” He yawns, and then raises both his hands, putting down both his thumbs. “And I’m eight.”

“Ah, you’re a big guy already,” Dr. Kim says. “Follow me, please. We can talk better in my office.”

While Taehyung played with an alien stuffed doll, you explained the situation to Dr. Kim Yugyeom; your brother has been sleeping a lot these days, and complaining of headaches and dizziness. He’s been sick and crying and you are desperate. 

“Ah,” Dr. Kim’s face changes and he looks almost in pain. His brows are furrowed and he looks at Taehyung with worry. “Would you mind if I called a colleague here? I want a second opinion on something and he might have a better understanding of it than me…”

“Oh, yes, of course,” You mumble, hands fidgeting. 

Ms. Im stands by your side, and she puts a hand on top of yours, silently promising support. She’s been there for your first heartbreak; she’s been by your side through arguments, and fights, and birthdays, and celebrations. The fact that she is with you in that moment made things less hard; it made you believe that everything would be okay. 

“Excuse me,” Someone calls from the door. “Hello, I’m Dr. I–“

“Ya, Im Jaebeom, you ungrateful child!” Ms. Im shouts and you jump from your seat a little, surprised with the outburst. “Do I have to come all the way over here and bother your friends to finally see you?”

Ah, you think, holding a chuckle back. This is him. 

The man blinks, lost and confused, before smiling wide. That was the confirmation you needed– the way his eyes disappear under his wide smile was exactly the same as Ms. Im.

“Grandma!” He hugs her tight. “I’m sorry, halmoni, things have been crazy here in the hospital…”

“You could’ve called,” She pouts and hugs him back. “But we’ll talk about that another time. Dr. Kim called you here for another reason.”

“Is everything okay?” He asks, looking at his grandmother. “Are you eating properly? Do you have any joint pain? Backache?”

“I’m strong as a bull, child,” She laughs. “It’s Y/N that needs your help.”

You respectfully bow to him. “Nice to meet you, Dr. Im. I’m Y/N, and this is Taehyung.”

He looks at you and bows back. Dr. Im Jaebeom looks a little taken aback and you move uncomfortably under his gaze, bringing your brother closer. 

“So you are the crazy girl that my grandmother talks so much about,” He says, and there is a certain something in his voice that you just can’t seem to grasp– an edge that made you shiver. “What can I help you with?”

“It’s the boy,” Dr. Kim says in a soft voice. “He’s only eight and he’s been experiencing strong headaches. He sleeps a lot and is always dizzy and sick… all symptoms seem to add to hydrocephalus, but I wanted to consult with you before diagnosing him. Can you take a look?”

“Of course,” Dr. Im moves quickly and efficiently, crouching in front of Taehyung. “Hi there, buddy– would you mind if I touched your head really quick?”

The consultation goes by quick and you don’t understand any of it; they talk in medical terms and when they finally take the time to talk to you, your brother is already being admitted to the hospital. You numbly sign all the necessary paperwork and when you come back to your senses, you are standing outside of Taehyung’s room, and Dr. Im is moving his lips, but you can’t hear a thing.

“I’m sorry,” You sigh, frustrated. “Can you repeat that? I don’t know what happened, I just– I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

He frowns and you feel like hiding again. His gaze is burning on your skin and can only wonder how dumb he must think you are.

“Sure,” He clears hi throat. “Taehyung-ie has a condition called hydrocephalus, in which the over-accumulation of cerebrospinal fluid inside the skull causes pressure on the brain. This is why he is having headaches and dizziness. When did this start?”

“Around four days ago,” You choke on your words. “Is it dangerous? Can you treat him?”

“All conditions have potential to be dangerous, but you did good in bringing him here as early as you could,” Dr. Im says, nodding to himself. “Unfortunately, this is not something that just goes away with time, nor something that can be medicated. The only solution is surgery.”

“Surgery?” You whimper, letting your shoulders fall in defeat. “What is the success rates of this surgery, Doctor?”

“The shunt surgery has a higher success rate for children,” He explain carefully. “But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have risks. Because we will insert a shunt inside of him to help with the circulation of the fluid accumulated in his head, things like shunt failure or infection can happen, but that’s why we’ll keep him in the hospital for an observation period.”

You nod, processing everything he’s telling you. 

“Alright,” You whisper. “Okay. What are the next steps?”

“You’ll have to go to the Financial office to talk about the expenses,” As he talked, you could only fixate your eyes on the embroidery of his coat. Im Jaebeom. “We’ll schedule the surgery for tomorrow. The sooner we do this, the better. We only need his mother to sign the consent form.”

He extends some papers and a pen towards you and you look back at him, suddenly at a loss of words. 

“I… uh, I-I’m not his mother,” You smile tightly. “I’m him older sister.”

“Oh, I apologize, I assumed that–“

“Haven’t I raised you right, Im Jaebeom?” Ms. Im asks, coming with two cups of coffee in hand, and you frown alongside her grandson. “Never assume… tsk, for a doctor he is really stupid, isn’t he, Y/N?”

You chuckle. “You must think we’re all idiots here if you intend on drinking that coffee, Ms. Im. You know it’s not good for you!”

She laughs. “This is for you two,” She gives one to Jaebeom and the other to you. “To keep up the energy.”

“When my parents arrive I’ll ask my mother to sign the papers,” You turn to the doctor, still too intimidated to look him in the eyes. “They should be here soon, so you can schedule the surgery for tomorrow.”

You don’t even see him leaving, allowing your body to fall on a waiting chair. You are not sure if you fell asleep or simply gave up, but when you open your eyes again, you are on the couch inside your brother’s room.

                                                               ————————

Taehyung was prepped for surgery and you couldn’t even look. You held his tiny hand, but your eyes were fixated on Dr. Im Jaebeom’s. He looked at you as intensely as you looked at him, and although you had a weird feeling that this man hated you, his piercing eyes on yours were the only thing holding you together. You couldn’t cry in front of Taehyung, and you couldn’t cry in front of Dr. Im. Simple as that. 

“We’ll take him now,” One of the nurses tell you and you nod, walking behind them and behind Ms. Im and her grandson. You feel alone at that moment, with your parents supporting each other, with the Im’s chatting together, and with your little man going into surgery. He’s the one that walks with you, and you feel as if you failed him. 

Dr. Im turns around and looks at you. “The surgery will last from about an hour to two hours. If it takes a bit longer, don’t worry, it just means that we’re doing our best to make everything right. I prefer to take my time and have a successful surgery than to rush things. A nurse will keep you updated so that you are aware of everything that’s happening in there.”

“Take care of him,” You say, voice strong, surprising everyone. “Or I will kill you.”

And for the first time, you’ve seen Im Jaebeom smile at you. You mother slaps your shoulder, but you ignore the sting, maintaining eye contact.

“We’ll do our best,” He says chuckling. “That is all I can promise you.”

“That’s all I need,” You say and nod at him. “Thank you, Doctor.”

You are not sure what happens in between, but Dr. Im comes out through the doors and in your head only thirty minutes passed; instantly you are washed with dread. You try to stand up but your legs give out and you’d be on the floor if not for his reflexes.

“My brother,” You breath out, frantically looking into his eyes as he tries to talk to you. “Taehyung-ie– is he okay? That was too fast, it was too quick– what happened? Dr. Im–“

“The surgery took two hours and he’s perfectly fine,” Dr. Im says, frowning deeply. Is he always frowning?, you wonder as he drags you to the nearest chair. “Taehyung is doing fine; he’s still asleep because of the anesthesia, but he’s under observation and he’s safe.”

“Thank you,” You whisper, starting to cry. You slouch your shoulders forward and burry your face on your hands. “Thank you so much, oh my god, thank you Dr. Im.”

“Y/N,” He calls, pulling your face up. He looks at your eyes, puts a hand on your forehead, and frowns even more. “Are you feeling okay? You look like you’ve been in and out of reality for the past two days… you feel warm.”

“I’m good,” You smile. “Just haven’t eaten in a while. I’ll do it as soon as I see my brother.”

“No, stay here for a second,” He says and leaves with long strides.

He’s okay, you think to yourself, trying to stop the tears. Taehyung is okay. Pull yourself together, Y/N.

“Drink this,” Dr. Im puts a cup on your hand and gives you an energy bar. “And eat this.”

“What about you?” 

His eyes widened. “I-I’ll eat something later…”

Is he embarrassed?

“You have to eat, too, Doctor, you look worn out,” You smile. “You care about everyone, but yourself, huh?”

“Yah,” He laughs, and you chuckle with him, suddenly feeling your energy coming back although you didn’t eat yet. “You sound just like my grandmother.”

“Well, she did mentor me for seven years,” You shrug your shoulders, with a fond look on your face. “Your grandmother means a lot to me…”

“The fact that you took care of her all these years means a lot to me,” He admits, looking slightly guilty. “After I left to go to medical school, I couldn’t come back and check on her as often as I wanted. Then one day she called me, and she told me about this crazy, beautiful girl, who begged her for a job in her run down bakery and… well, I worried for a while, because she did say the girl was crazy, but then she tells me how good this girl is, how kind, and I know I can stop worrying all the time. I know she’s not alone… I might have been jealous, sometimes, I’ll admit, but thank you, Y/N. For everything you’ve done for my halmoni.”

You are at a loss of words. For someone who looks so cold and collected to sound so emotional and true was a shock. 

“I am the one that should be thanking you,” You chuckle incredulously. “You saved my brother’s live.”

“But that’s my job,” He smiles, looking to the floor and then looking back at you. It is almost as if all the air in your lungs disappeared, and you suddenly don’t know how to breath. “Taking care of my grandmother is not your job.”

Before you can say something his phone beeps and he gets up.

“Taehyung is awake,” He smiles and did he always have those moles under his eyebrow? “Let’s go.”

You let him guide you through the halls and you wonder if anyone cares for this doctor that cares for everyone else but him. 

                                                               ————————

“You should go home,” Dr. Im says. It’s been two days since the surgery and you were the only one that hasn’t left the hospital yet. One of the nurses was kind enough to let you shower in their bathroom, but had to admit, just showering wasn’t doing much. You’ve been wearing the same clothes and even your parents went home to sleep, but you refused to leave once they got back to the hospital. 

“I don’t want to leave without him,” You mumble, caressing Taehyung’s hand as he sleeps. “I promised I wouldn’t.”

He nods. “Follow me, then,” And leaves.

You have to jog a bit to catch up to him, but soon enough you are in his office, and from behind his desk, he produces a duffle bag. Grabbing a few things, he gives them to you and tells you to go take a long, relaxing shower. Doing as he says, you take your time, asking a few nurses if it’s okay to take a shower since they are only starting their shifts and won’t need the shower for a while. You’ve become acquainted with a few of them and they all give you the okay. The sweatpants and t-shirt he gave you are obviously too large for you, but you like the way it looks anyways. Smiling at yourself, and at how stupid you must look, you stop by the vending machine to get a snack. You get two energy bars, knowing that Dr. Im will be with Taehyung when you get back. Said and done; Jaebeom is laughing at something that your brother is doing and you wonder if one day you’ll get to call him Jaebeom out loud. 

“Hello there,” You say lightly, blushing a little at the way Jaebeom looks at you in his clothes. “Thank you for the clothes, doctor.”

“No problem, Y/N,” He smiles, and you don’t fail to notice the redness in his cheeks. 

“I got you this,” You say giving him one of the energy bars, and putting the other in his pocket. “You need to eat to take care of other people.”

He laughs and one of his hands fly to push his hair back and grab at the back of his neck, a habit you notice he does whenever he’s embarrassed. “Thank you.”

“Eat it,” You squint at him playfully. “Right now.”

“I have to check on a patient,” He says taking a huge bite, finishing it almost in one go. “I’ll be back to check on you, okay?”

“Alright,” You smile, and you don’t call attention to the fact that he said he’d be checking on you. You like it. “See you later."

You don’t– see him later, that is. You are not sure what happens but Dr. Im doesn’t come around anymore; another day goes by and even Taehyung notices the change, asking for his doctor to the nurses. She all just say he’s busy taking care of other people, but there’s something off about them, too. One of them, Nurse Lee, asks you to follow her to the counter where you can sign the discharge papers so that you can finally take your brother home, and you hear a couple of other doctors talking.

“…yeah, they died,” A shiver runs through your spine with those words and you take a deep breath and focus on reading the papers in your hand. “Jaebeom did his best, but not everyone can be saved.”

“You know how he is though,” The other doctor sighs. “Is he alright?”

“No,” They shake their heads. “Definitely not.”

Signing everything, you tell the nurses you’ll be right back, and you run to the office you’ve gotten to know so well. During your brother’s recovery, Dr. Im has been you friend, you dare to say. You’ve silently eaten with him in his office as he did some work and you read a book; you’ve talked to him about his grandmother; you’ve taken snacks to his office late at night. It was your way to repay him, after everything he’s done for you and your family. You went from thinking he hated you, to understanding how hard his job is on him. And right now, it was exactly one of those moments, in which the harshness of his reality is laid upon him, and you can’t do anything but knock on his door and pray that he’ll open. 

“Yes?” 

His voice sounds harsh and used out. His eyes find yours instantly and they turn back into those scrutinizing eyes you first met.

“Hi,” You say, suddenly uncomfortable. “You didn’t come by yesterday and today and I–“

“I am too busy to attend just to you and your brother,” He snaps. “I have a whole lot of people needing me, too, you know?”

The coldness from his voice reminds you of the first time you met him, when you stood under his scrutinizing gaze. 

“Or do you think I have nothing better to do than to have to waste all of my time–“

“With me?” You interrupt him. “Just so you know, you didn’t have to spend your time with me, but I guess I should thank you, since you did, right?”

“Wha-“

“You don’t have to worry anymore, doctor,” You sneer. “We leave tonight. Here, this is a small thank you gift for wasting time with me.”

You give him the plastic bag with all snacks from the vending machine– literally all of them. It wasn’t much, but it would last him a few shifts, at least. All you wanted was for him to get better too; you weren’t dumb, you could easily see the suffering in his eyes, even at that moment– specially at that moment,– but you couldn’t just let him walk all over you like that. You had to stand your ground, like you did ever since you met him. 

“Whatever happened,” You say through gritted teeth. “It’s not your fault. Nor mine. Remember that.”

You leave him and you go back to Taehyung. 

Fuck Dr. Im, you think, furiously wiping a tear. It seems as if all you do is cry, and you are tired of it. I have Taehyung, alive and well. That should be enough.

                                                               ————————

Your days are back to normal– you wake up, check on Taehyung, and go to work, where you’ll spend hours and hours until you don’t have to spend any more time in there but you do still, baking a fresh batch of a different good every night, before calling the delivery man to take it away. 

Today, you make chocolate scones, using Ms. Im’s recipe just how she taught you years ago.

“Still baking?” She asks. “Is something wrong?”

“Not at all,” You smile, and put a scone in a take away box. “Here, for the trip.”

“Thank you, dear,” She smiles. “These used to be Jaebeom’s favorite.”

You smile and wave her goodbye, promising to close the store and go home soon. You do whatever task you have to keep you busy– cleaning the tables, wiping the floor, washing the dishes, freezing the dough. Anything to keep you from thinking about him. But it’s impossible. You think about him even more now, having a face to the name. Im Jaebeom. Ms. Im still talks about him every day and there’s nothing you can say or do that would justify the reason you want her to stop. 

He saved my brother’s life, and in the process he saved mine, too. He is kind and selfless and honest, but he is also tired and confused and overwhelmed. I want to care for him like he cared for me. Is this love?

No, you couldn’t say that to her. Much less to him.

“Excuse me, are you still open? I heard you guys had chocolate scones and I just had to come get one.” 

You freeze, body already stiff from work now barely being able to move.

“We’re closed,” You mumble, not looking at him. “But I can get you some scones to go.”

“If I take them to go,” He asks and you can see his feet, clad in black sneakers and tapping nervously on the floor. “Will you come with me?”

“Is this a pick up line?” You scoff.

“No, I just want to have these with you,” He chuckles and you can’t help yourself, you look at him, craving to see his eyes disappear when he smiles. “A thank you for all the food you’ve been sending to the hospital every night…”

“I’m glad,” You smile tightly, taking the apron off and hanging it on the wall. You push the cardboard box towards him. “Here you go. Have a goodnight.”

His smile is gone in a second. “Y/N…”

“You were very clear, Jaebeom,” You say sternly. “I’ll call you Jaebeom now, since we’re not in the hospital– you were very clear, Jaebeom. You are wasting your time with me; patients are waiting for you, families, friends. I’m just the girl that works with your grandmother… You have nothing to worry about, I won’t tell her anything, but it’s best if we stop this here.”

“Stop?” He asks, eyes wide. “I don’t think it’s that easy, Y/N. I missed you– did you know that? Of course you didn’t, but I’m here telling you: I missed you, goddammit. I’m a doctor, and I’m always frustrated about something, and stressed, and tired, but for the week you spent there, I felt completely okay, because I knew that in the end of the day, I’d have a constant thing in my life; Taehyung-ie and you, waiting for me with snacks. Asking me about my day. Asking me if I’m okay. People don’t do that, in the hospital– they have their own problems, and every day is a different surprise, but it felt good to have a constant, even for a little while.”

You say nothing, taking your time to process everything he’s saying.

“I’m sorry for being an asshole,” He chuckle. “I had just lost a patient; there were complications with his condition before surgery but we couldn’t wait and I lost him… But you were right, it’s not my fault, and it’s not yours. You shouldn’t have to put up with my anger, but I really, really hope you chose to put up with me despite my anger. I won’t lie, this happens a lot– the angry part. It comes with the job, even though we try our hardest to hide, but I promise to try my best to never let it all out on you ever again… please forgive me.”

You sigh, walking to him. He was wearing casual clothes and he finally looked his age, the gray hoodie and blue jeans bringing out the youth in him.

“You haven’t been eating regularly, have you?” You frown, hands holding his face. Your thumb brushes his cheekbones and his eyes are shining with something unknown to you– want, maybe. “I send you freshly baked goods everyday and you still look like you’ve lost weight…”

“What are you doing to me?” He mumbles, nuzzling his face in your hand and pulling you closer by the waist, resting his forehead on yours. “You’re messing with my head, Y/N…”

“Nah,” You chuckle, kissing his nose. “That’s your job.”

“That is possibly the lamest joke someone ever made about my job,” He laughs, and ah! there it is– cute little slits. The reason you love that so much is that it makes you all warm inside to know you can make him smile so hard that his eyes disappear. “But I love it anyways.”

“Does that mean I can make more of those?” You ask animatedly, pulling away slightly. “Cause I have a bunch of neurosurgery jokes I can ma–“

He shuts you up with a kiss and you instantly know he ate your scones before coming over, tasting the sugar and the chocolate in his mouth. It lasts long, and you prefer it that way– you want to take your timing discovering everything about Jaebeom. From the way his mouth drags over yours, chapped lips kissing you softly, to the way his hands find their way to your hair, your jawline, your waist. He pulls you closer, hugging you to him, and just as he is pressing you against the counter, you feel a vibration coming from his pocket. 

“Please tell me that your phone,” You snort a little, trying to hold your laughter in.

“Hilarious,” He says, rolling his eyes but smiling nonetheless.

“Do you have to go back?”

He nods. “Yeah, one of the patients needs surgery sooner than we thought… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t ever apologize for saving lives,” You frown, pecking his lips. “Text me when you get home?”

“Absolutely,” He kisses you deeply. “I’ll see you soon.”

He sees you sooner than he thought he would. The next day, when he texts you his shift is over in thirty, you go over to the hospital, with croissants and tea. When he sees you waiting by the main entrance, he can’t help but laugh out loud.

“You said that having a constant was nice,” You shrug as he kisses your face allover. “I’ll be your constant from now on.”

“I’d love that,” He says. “Love you.”

“Love you, too,” You smile. “I think.”

“You think?” He shrieks, pulling you to his car by the hand. 

“Yeah… can you take a look inside and find out for me?” You say tapping your head. 

He just looks at you, no emotion.

“If I ever get a song stuck in my mind,” You say, buckling up when Jaebeom starts the car. “Can you get it out for me?”

“Oh my god,” He lets his head fall on the wheel. “Is this what I signed up for?”

“Absolutely,” You giggle, and he turns to look at you. “Regret it yet?”

“No, but I’m sure you’ll get me there by the end of the night.”

“Yah!”

“I told you,” He grabs your hand, laughing. “You mess with my head. Crazy girl… tsk, gonna me crazy too.”

“By the way,” You start. “How will we break it to your grandmother?”

“What do you mean,” Jaebeom laughs. “She knows. She’s known for about seven years, now.”

“What?” You shout, head turning to look at him. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know about you,” He shrugs. “But she’d talk about you a lot. Good things only– such a pretty girl, so kind, so nice. Ah, Jaebeom-ah, you remind me of Y/N… you two would get along so well. I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you before even knowing you.”

“Oh my god,” You gasp. “Ms. Im is a love genius.”

“I had to take after someone, you know?” Jaebeom brags.

For the rest of the night, you two bicker, laughing and kissing in between, and even though you promised to be his constant, barely did he know he’d be yours. 

---------------------

hello lovelies! I decided that I will now post a new part of the General Hospital series every weekend, so here it is Jaebeom’s story! He is my ult bias and I love him so much so i really hope you all enjoy it ❤️ please leave a comment and share it if you like the story! It really means the world for us writers when we get feedback :P Love you all and thank you for your endless support💕

#imagine #i cry every single time #imagines #got7 #igot7 #got7imagine #got7 imagines #got7 imagine #got7 jackson #Im Jaebeom #mark tuan #park jinyoung #jackson wang #choi youngjae #bambam #kim yugyeom #kpop #kpop icons #kpop scenarios #one shot #scenario #fanfic

[tiramisiyu]

【未定事件簿】 Tears of Themis: 【倾落心扉】 Xia Yan | Falling into the Heart Date Translation

Translation Masterlist | Xia Yan Masterlist

Video

Another date from early on in the timeline (seems like it happens right after MC and Xia Yan’s reunion in Chapter 1).

All Xia Yan dates have now been translated!

--

PART 1

Home

Recently, it’s been raining nonstop for the past few days. It finally cleared up when weekend arrived.

I pulled open the curtains. Just when I was pondering about where to go walk around, my phone on the table vibrated. It was Xia Yan.

Xia Yan: MC, do you have time today?

MC: Mhmm, what’s up? Got something that you need my help for?

Xia Yan: You can count it as help. I just received a very interesting multinational commission and wanted to find you to go together.

MC: Multinational…?

Xia Yan: Yeah, the client settled outside the country a long time ago and requested that I get something from his old house. It’s rare for the weather to be this good, so how about it – are you coming?

MC: (Looks like you calling me out to help is just an act, and you actually just want to relieve boredom…)

MC: Okay, where are we meeting?

Xia Yan: Heh heh, I’m just downstairs at your place. Hurry!

MC: Downstairs?!

As soon as I got downstairs, I saw a taxi stopped at the roadside. Xia Yan stuck out his head from the taxi window, smiling as he waved at me. Seeing him look full of vivacity, I also couldn’t resist waving at him and rushing over.

-

Taxi

As soon as I got on the car, I heard Xia Yan urge the taxi driver to immediately set out.

MC: You’re in this much of a rush? Where are we going?

Xia Yan: We’re going to a suburban villa area. The thing we need to get is placed in an old house there.

MC: For a matter as simple as “helping get and deliver”, does it really need one to specifically seek a detective?

Xia Yan: I often receive commissions about extraction of material evidence. It’s just that this time is somewhat special. My client is old and needs to take care of her severely ill husband and can’t personally return right now. She only found me after inquiring in many places.

MC: She specifically sought you?

Xia Yan: Naturally. I’m different from other detectives!

Different? Speaking of the largest difference between him and other detectives…

MC: I remember that you opened an antiques shop… could it be that the client wants you to find something old?

Xia Yan: That’s right! The old thing we’re looking for is a vintage magnetic tape.

Vintage tapes sounded right off the bat like an item with an extreme feeling of age. Update speeds to current recording equipment were becoming faster and faster, and magnetic tapes already had been submerged in the currents of history – they were rarely mentioned.

MC: (She specifically sought out a detective to get a magnetic tape… could there be something very important in it?)

Xia Yan: Are you curious about what important things are in the tape?

Was it because he saw me not speak for too long? Xia Yan suddenly said what I was thinking.

MC: Mm… ah! If the client requires you to keep it secret, then don’t say it…

Xia Yan: You’re my assistant, so of course you can ask. Plus, I trust you.

Xia Yan: Although the taxi can only stop near the villa area. We still have to walk for a while to get to our target destination, so let’s save our energy. I’ll tell you about it slowly when we get to our destination.

MC: Mm!

--

Outside Suburban Villas

MC: We finally made it!

The route to the villa area was complicated, just like a maze. Our trip was full of circles and turns, and we finally arrived at our destination.

Xia Yan: I originally just wanted to take you out for a breath of fresh air and to get some exercise on the side. Didn’t think that your stamina would be so good. If I take you mountain-climbing, you probably would be fine, right?

MC: That’s for sure! Got a new level of respect for me this time?

Xia Yan: During this period of time, have the times that I’ve gotten a new level of respect for you been few, great-law-yer?

MC: Your praise is too much, alright? Great-detec-tive!

MC: The client probably gave you keys, right? You should hurry and open the door.

Xia Yan took a key out from his jacket and carefully opened the main door. When he pushed the door, the particular scent of wooden furniture blew in our faces.

 --

Old Western House

Time had eroded at the old house’s surface bricks and tiles, but they had never truly been stepped on. Refined and stylish wooden furniture, indigo porcelain flower vases, and crystal chandeliers that were dark, but sparkled under the sunlight… In the silence of time, it told of a secret that was only theirs.

MC: Whoa… I feel like the two people who lived here originally have got a pretty good taste in life.  

Xia Yan: Based on the materials they provided, this house’s owner was an intellectual with an affluent family background.

MC: Is that so - no wonder I see so many books and scrolls.

MC: Oh right, you haven’t told me about the magnetic tape.

Xia Yan: … Actually, the client isn’t clear on exactly what is in the tape.

PART 2

Xia Yan: … Actually, the client isn’t clear on exactly what is in the tape.

MC: Eh? Then she’s searching for this…

Xia Yan: To help her severely-ill husband recover his memories.

MC: Recover his memories?

Xia Yan: Mm, this is also one of the most important reasons why I took this commission.

Xia Yan: The client is an old grandma of over 60 years old. The grandma’s husband got into an accident over ten years ago, and after surgery, got retrograde amnesia. Typical patients won’t be able to recall certain segments of memories from before the accident, but the grandpa’s situation is extremely severe. He’s basically completely forgotten all past matters…

MC: Then the grandma must be very sad…

Xia Yan: Though she’s sad, the grandma has never given up. She’s kept searching for a way to recover the grandpa’s memories. This year, the grandpa suddenly kept repeating about the tape. The grandma was seriously happy and looked all over the house, but didn’t find the tape that the grandpa was talking about.

MC: So the grandma thought, could the thing be left in the old house from before leaving the country?

Xia Yan: Bingo!

Smiling, Xia Yan winked at me.

MC: Something that can help him remember things must be very important to him.

I originally thought that this was a simple trip to search for something. I never would’ve thought that this kind of story was behind it… I silently made up my mind that I wouldn’t give up before upturning the house upside down!

MC: Then let’s start searching now!

I rolled up my sleeves, preparing to start my so-called “carpet-style” search, when Xia Yan tugged at my arm.

Xia Yan: You aren’t planning to start searching like this, right?

MC: Like this…? Like what? Is something wrong?

Xia Yan: Wait a bit.

Xia Yan pulled out two pairs of gloves from his pocket.

Xia Yan: There’s a layer of dust all over the place here. I brought gloves – stick out your hands, I’ll put them on for you. After all, it’s better to be a little careful when rummaging through things everywhere.

I stuck out my hands, and Xia Yan put the gloves on me.

MC: Thank you… I was just rushing to search and didn’t pay attention to that…

Xia Yan: No big deal. When you’re searching in a moment, remember to watch out for if there’s a safe anywhere.

MC: Aren’t we looking for the tape? Why are we also looking for the safe?

Xia Yan: Apparently, before the grandpa moved, he specifically bought a safe, saying that he wanted to put something in it. The grandma didn’t pay much attention to it back then, as she thought that it was for stuff like real estate documents. Later, when she was looking for things, she noticed that these documents were all nearby. Only then did she feel that something was off. So she suggested to us that, if we can’t find the tape anywhere, it might be in that safe.

MC: I understand. But if we really find the safe, did she tell you the passcode—

Hearing me ask about the passcode, Xia Yan heaved a heavy sigh.

MC: …I forgot that he forgot.

Why does that sound a bit like a tongue-twister…

Xia Yan: The grandma also did her best to ask, but unfortunately, she got nothing. But she did provide us with a clue. She said that in the past, the grandpa loved making sudoku puzzles to work on with her. Maybe this time, it also…

Making sudoku puzzles for the grandma? I remembered that in the past, Xia Yan loved to have me solve his math competition questions, waiting for me to beg him after I couldn’t solve them…

MC: The grandpa must have been a science student…

Xia Yan: Wrong, the grandpa comes from humanities studies. The grandma’s the one in science.

MC: Eh? So he was just flexing his slight skill to an expert when he made those puzzles for the grandma…

Xia Yan: About this…

Xia Yan showed a meaningful smile, deliberately dragging out the last word.

MC: If you’ve got something to say, then say it. Don’t keep me in suspense!

Xia Yan: I was just about to say it!

Xia Yan: When the grandma was recalling it, she remembered when the grandpa confessed to her at the beginning, he sent her a confession sudoku.

MC: … The grandpa really was serious.

Xia Yan: Yeah. It’s just a pity that it’s been too long and the grandma can’t find that sudoku anymore.

Xia Yan: Although this is only our guess. If they really didn’t leave any way to crack the code, I can only…

Only do what…? Could he have brought a tool that can crack open safes?

Xia Yan: Find a lock-opening company after reporting it to my client…

MC: I thought that you were going to take out another high-tech tool.

Xia Yan: Even if I did have one, we still have to go through authorized processes.

MC: I’m joking – could you actually have that kind of tool?

Xia Yan: Of course!

Xia Yan: Alright. The house is so big, so let’s divide and conquer – you take the left and I’ll take the right to save time.

MC: Okay.

Xia Yan I split up, using the bookshelf in the middle of the house as the boundary. The junk room, kitchen, cloakroom. I searched each room one by one, and all were completely empty. No point bringing up the tape and the safe… I didn’t even have the chance to rummage through the cabinets a few more times…

MC: They were way too thorough when moving houses… aside from books, there are only books. Was it because they were too heavy and couldn’t be moved over? There’s only this bookroom left… finally, I can see some other –

Just when I walked in, I saw a magnetic tape player placed on the book table.

MC: Could it be in the tape player?!

PART 3

MC: Could it be in the tape player?!

I expectantly opened the case slot of the tape player on the table. It was still as empty as everything before. After closing the tape player, I turned around, seeing Xia Yan walk into the book room. The gloves he’d originally been wearing had already been taken off.

MC: You’re also done searching? How’s the situation?

Xia Yan: I haven’t gotten anything for now on that side. What about you?

MC: Same here… it’s empty everywhere.

MC: But there are a lot of things in the book room, and there’s also an empty magnetic tape player on the table.

Xia Yan: The grandpa probably listened to the tape often in the book room, so he placed it here. If so, the tape won’t be placed somewhere very far from the tape player. It must be inside the book room.

MC: If the grandpa really did put the tape in the safe, then the safe should also been in the book room.

Xia Yan: That’s right! Let’s search together!

We rummaged through every corner of the bookroom, but we still didn’t find any traces of the tape or the safe.

MC: Ugh, there’s only this bookshelf left…

A large, tall bookshelf was placed on the left side of the book room. There were cabinets that could be pulled open at the bottom, and there were rows of shelves stuffed with books at the top.

MC: There are a lot of things on here…

Xia Yan: This bookshelf is too high, so I’ll search it. You haven’t rested yet, so do you want to sit for a moment?

MC: I’m fine. The great detective hasn’t rested, so how could the assistant that I am also take a rest? You search the top and I’ll search the bottom – we’ll still divide the work!

Xia Yan: As you wish, master assistant!

Even Xia Yan couldn’t completely reach the topmost level of this bookshelf. I was just about to suggest bringing in a chair to boost him up when I saw him carrying in a step stool inside. After setting up the step stool, Xia Yan mibly stepped on. I hurriedly reached out to support the edge of the step stool for him to maintain its balance.

Xia Yan: Don’t worry. I just tried it – this step stool is very secure.

MC: That’s good, but it looks like it’s swaying a little to me – be careful.

I crouched down and opened the bookshelf’s lowermost cabinet. It was piled full with all sorts of book collections inside, and I didn’t notice anything aside from that. I closed the cabinet, stood up, and tilted my head up to look towards the upper shelves. All sorts of books were placed on the shelves; with one glance, I saw—

MC: Sudoku practice question collection?

Remembering the guess that the grandma had said before, I took out that practice question collection. After casually flipping through a few pages, I saw that all the problems had been completed.

MC: (It seems like… there isn’t anything special… in here…)

I held up the practice question collection, wanting to hand it to Xia Yan. I didn’t realize that a little paper slip would fall out from between the pages.

MC: !!!

There was a sudoku problem on the paper. On the problem, there were 16 empty circles, forming a heart shape. There were also pen marks at the top of the problem!

MC: “The world decodes the language of flowers. Only you decode my heart.”

MC: (2… 1… 4… no matter how you look at it, these three numbers in the middle are like that of a confession…)

--

[Flashback]

Xia Yan: When the grandma was recalling it, she remembered when the grandpa confessed to her at the beginning, he sent her a confession sudoku.

MC: … The grandpa really was serious.

Xia Yan: Yeah. It’s just a pity that it’s been too long, and the grandma can’t find that sudoku anymore.

[Flashback end]

--

MC: Could it be…

I rushed to pick up that sheet of paper and called Xia Yan’s name.

MC: Xia Yan! I’ve noticed something major!!!

Xia Yan: What did you notice?

Hearing my shouts, Xia Yan rushed to jump down from the step stool.

MC: Guess!

I hid the paper behind my body, wanting to tease him.

Xia Yan: Did you find the sudoku problem that’s suspected to be the passcode?

MC: I guess so… although how did you know that it was a sudoku?

Xia Yan: I noticed a safe behind the pile of books on the uppermost shelf of the bookshelf. Not to mention, you’re holding a sudoku practice question collection – I just needed to link them up to guess it.

MC: I just thought that I noticed that confession sudoku that the grandma couldn’t find. So there really was a safe.

MC: Look.

I handed the sheet I was holding over to Xia Yan.

Xia Yan: !!!

MC: What’s the matter? You seem really surprised…?

Xia Yan: I-it’s nothing… I just happened to have seen this problem before…

How could Xia Yan have seen this problem before… could he have specifically investigated after hearing about the grandma’s memories?

MC: What a coincidence! Do you still remember the answer?

Xia Yan: I remember, I remember! Even if I never saw this before, I could still solve it!

Xia Yan: The way to solve this problem is very easy. Under sudoku’s general rules, the 16 empty circles must be filled with even numbers. Fill in the odd numbers of each 3 x 3 area first, and the answer in the circles will naturally be solved. Wanna try?

PART 4

Xia Yan: Wanna try?

MC: Me? Sure!

I sat beside the table, and Xia Yan handed me a pen.

MC: In the upper left corner, aside from the two circles, the remaining three squares should be filled in with 1, 3, and 9 individually… The first column already has 1 and 9, so the upper left corner should be filled with 3… If the middle square is filled with 9, then the rightmost square in the second row should be filled with one, but that column already has a 1…

MC: So it should be filled with 1, and the remaining square should be filled with 9!

Xia Yan: That’s right. Even though we only filled in three numbers, we can use this to derive the numbers in the other squares.

Xia Yan: Come on, let’s keep going with the next!

Under Xia Yan’s patient guidance, I finally finished solving this sudoku.

MC: 16 circles – a typical person wouldn’t set up such a long passcode…

Xia Yan: Ah… I forgot to tell you that the safe that I noticed only has a three-digit password.

MC: This problem just happens to have three empty circles. But three numbers can be ordered in six ways.

MC: A typical safe only allows you to enter the wrong code three times, and we don’t have other clues…

Xia Yan: Looks like we can only hope to get lucky.

MC: Then do you want to try?

Xia Yan stepped on the step stool again.

Xia Yan: 2, 4, 6…

Beep beep—

The passcode lock was opened.

Xia Yan: We got it this easily – it opened on our first try!

MC: See if the tape is in the box!

Xia Yan: Let me see…

Both of Xia Yan’s hands felt inside. I noticed that the newspaper beside his hand seemed to be about to slip off…

MC: Xia Yan, be careful about the newspaper beside your hand.

Xia Yan: I know. There’s something in the box, so I’ll get it out first.

MC: Okay…

I tilted my head up, looking at Xia Yan. He turned around, handing the thing he had found to me, with his left hand stably holding onto those old newspapers that were about to fall. The dust covering the top was stirred by his movements, floating slowly in the air, drawing out subtle marks. An orangey light shone on his body, covering him in a sweet, honey-like colour.

>Select: Leg

MC: Sit down a bit – I feel like your sitting position right now is a bit dangerous…

Xia Yan: Don’t worry – my sense of balance is very good, and I won’t fall down.

>Select: Leg (2)

Xia Yan: W-what are you doing…

MC: Some… some dust fell there! So I…

>Select: Leg (3)

MC: (I’m really jealous of guys with long legs…)

>Select: Stool

MC: I’ve wanted to ask from the start – where did you find this ladder?

Xia Yan: I saw it earlier when we passed by the stairs – back then, I felt a strong premonition. Sure enough, it came in handy!

>Select: Stool (2)

MC: (The ladder is a triangular structure… it should be very stable.)

>Select: Stool (3)

MC: (Though it’s very stable, it’s still better to not bump into it for Xia Yan’s safety…)

>Select: File

MC: (So it was a leather file envelope after all…)

>Select: File (2)

MC: (It doesn’t look like it has a magnetic tape inside…)

>Select: File (3)

MC: (Whatever – without X-ray vision, I won’t be able to see anything just from looking…)

>Select: Ellipses

Xia Yan waved the hand holding the leather file envelope in front of me, calling me back to reality.

MC: What?

Xia Yan: No wonder you didn’t pay any attention to me no matter how I called at you. Turns out you were zoning out. Quick, take the file envelope – I’m still holding up the newspapers on top, and I don’t have hands to spare for now.

MC: Mm, sure!

MC: Wait… a-achoo!

The pretty dust under the light had now found its way into my nose. I hadn’t taken the file envelope when I sneezed in Xia Yan’s direction.

His seating position was unstable, and only after some messy movements did he manage to maintain his bit of balance on the stool supporting him.

MC: …

Xia Yan: Q-quick, back up a bit!

Seeing Xia Yan look so panicked on the ladder, I hurriedly retreated by a few steps.

MC: S-sorry, the dust…

Xia Yan: I’m not blaming you – I’m just afraid that you won’t be able to dodge if I really do fall.

So Xia Yan’s panicked look just now was out of worry for me…

MC: I’m fine – you should hurry down from the ladder.

Xia Yan: Sure.

Xia Yan handed the file envelope to me. I was just about to take it, when the dust scattered by the old newspapers made him sneeze successively, multiple times.

Xia Yan: A-achoo--!

Xia Yan retracted his left hand slightly, and the newspapers on the bookshelf suddenly fell down in a pile!

Xia Yan: Ah! Careful--!

With my attention previously fixed on the file envelope, I couldn’t duck away at all!

Amidst the panic, I unconsciously closed my eyes.

  PART 5

I heard the heavy sound of the ladder toppling down, but the pain I was expecting never struck. Xia Yan’s warm hand protected my head from behind, serving as the cushion between me and the floorboards.

I opened my eyes. Xia Yan’s and my faces were very close.

MC: …?

After my thoughts stagnated for a few seconds, I gradually came to from my surprise.

MC: Xia Yan? Are you alright?

Xia Yan: Huh?!

It seemed like he hadn’t recovered from this accident yet. His wide-open eyes stared right at me.

The distance between him and me was way too close – only then did I notice that I had never clearly seen his eyes. That beautiful coral colour made me unable to resist recalling the fairytale I read when I was little – the skirt of Princess Aurora.* Because we were so close, I could even clearly see me, at an utter loss, in his eyes.

MC: The things that fell just now crashed into your head – lower it and let me see…

Xia Yan remained frozen still in his original place, staring straight at me.

Xia Yan: Your eyes…

MC: Hm?

Xia Yan: Are really beautiful…

Xia Yan: They look like... a sky full of stars are hidden in them…

Xia Yan lowered his body, and the distance between him and I gradually—

Ding—

A crisp sound echoed in the quiet room. That key that Xia Yan always wore on his neck clinked lightly against the decoration on my blouse’s collar.

I suddenly regained my wits and immediately felt the heat on my cheeks.

MC: !!

Xia Yan: !!!

Xia Yan pulled away, fast as lightning, and awkwardly moved his gaze elsewhere. Those scattered, old newspapers covered his body, scattering innumerable particles into the air. The moment he moved his gaze from me, I saw that his cheeks and ears had been dyed with a distinct pink colour. Right when I was also somewhat unsure of what to do, I saw the file envelope that had fallen on the side from the corner of my eye—

MC: W-where’s the file envelope you were holding…

Xia Yan: Ah… ah! I’ll get up now and grab it!

As if he’d just woken up, Xia Yan straightened his body in front of me, bringing the sunshine scent he had that I’d smelled from a slight breeze. His slightly rapid breathing revealed his inner panic – he looked basically like a different person from the normal him.

Xia Yan: Does it hurt from the fall?!

MC: … No.

He shifted his gaze away again, turning his head and picking up the leather envelope on the ground. His embarrassed expression still did not fade away. I patted my chest, grateful that he had pulled away after getting up – otherwise, he would definitely hear my over-the-top heartbeat.

MC & Xia Yan: I…

…

MC: Hurry, open and see what’s inside…

Xia Yan: Mhmm…

Xia Yan rapidly untied the string loop at the back of the envelope.

Xia Yan: As expected, it was the tape! Now the commission’s been smoothly completed!

Xia Yan: … Speaking of which, aren’t you curious?

MC: Curious about what? The things in the tape?

Xia Yan nodded.

MC: I keep feeling like it’ll have something to do with the grandma…

He looked at me, seeming to smile yet also seeming to not smile. Only after a while did he say a few carefree words.

Xia Yan: That’s also what I think.

The moment his and my eyes met, my heartbeat suspiciously accelerated a bit.

MC: Could it be for the same reason as me?

Xia Yan: … I was just kind of thinking from another position.

MC: Hm?

Xia Yan: If it were me, what I least want to forget… is definitely you.

Xia Yan: Wait no – no matter what happens, I will definitely, definitely not forget you.

Xia Yan’s tone was incomparably solemn, leaving me at somewhat of a loss.

MC: Why did you suddenly…

Xia Yan: Those precious memories with you – if they were just words on a journal or the sounds on a tape… that would be too much of a waste!

He looked at me, showing his typical smile again. The orange light smoothed the curve of his mouth until it was just right. I felt like, no matter who it was, anyone would be infected by his warmth.

MC: I… there’s dust on your face – I’ll wipe it for you…

I didn’t know what to say, and when I saw the dust on the side of his face, I hurried to take out a handkerchief and wipe it for him. When the dust had been wiped, I looked back at Xia Yan… his face… was really red…

>Is it because it’s hot? >Embarrassed until his face got red?

MC: Xia Yan… your face is really red… Are you too tired from running up and down just now?

Xia Yan: Ah… yeah! It must be because it’s been too long since I worked out! Starting from tomorrow, I’ll double my original workout plan and make up for it!

MC: Is that needed…

  >Is it because it’s hot? >Embarrassed until his face got red?

MC: I’m just helping you wipe it – why is your face as red as an apple? When we were little, you’d go out and run all over the place and return completely dirty, and I also helped you wipe your face like this…

Xia Yan: Haha, don’t bring up the embarrassing things from when we were small – back then, I didn’t know anything. But after splitting apart for so long… there are some things… that I inevitably learned.

MC: …

 --

Xia Yan: Aiya, the floor’s a mess – I’ll clean up.

MC: I’ll help!

After finding the tape, Xia Yan and I returned the papers and books that had fallen on the floor back to their original places.

Xia Yan: Let’s go – we’re done cleaning up, so let’s go home!

MC: Mhmm.

Under Xia Yan’s urging, we left this remote mansion with the tape we had found.

  TL Note: 

*Not sure if this is referring to Sleeping Beauty? I don’t remember pretty eyes and skirts being major points in her story though…

  PART 6

TL Note: Italicized content (except for locations) were originally written in English in the game, not Chinese.

Antiques Shop

After getting back to the antiques shop, Xia Yan took out an audio reader from who-knows-where.

MC: With this, you’re planning to…?

Xia Yan: Oh, if I didn’t get my client’s approval, I wouldn’t randomly mess with it. The client this time specifically hoped that I could transfer the contents of the tape into an audio recording file and send it to her.

MC: That’s true. Very few families these days would have this kind of old-fashioned tape player.

Xia Yan placed the tape into the audio reader, connecting the recoding wire to the audio reader’s terminal.

Xia Yan: Alright! We can start.

Xia Yan pressed the play button. An inexperienced, youthful sound flowed out from the speaker.

Young Girl: “That…”

The owner of the voice was a very brisk girl.

Young Girl: “I’m too direct when I speak. I know you also like… uh… no! I found out from your friend that you like to listen to music. If you can understand this song… Do your best to not make me, a girl, take the initiative to confess! Dummy!”

After a short pause, the clear sound of the girl’s singing rung out…

Young Girl: “Wouldn’t it be nice if we were older…”

She had clearly been so straightforward when she spoke, but when she sang, it was extremely gentle. A girl wearing earbuds, swaying gently with the music seemed to appear before my eyes… She used her own gentle voice, eyes, and movements… doing all within her ability to express her most sincere love to the recipient.

MC: What song is this? It sounds really good.

Xia Yan: I’ll check… “Wouldn’t It Be Nice”, an old song from 60 years ago.

The melodious song echoed in the antiques shop, every note reverberating in the bottom of the heart.

MC: No wonder the grandpa was so concerned about this tape… this was probably sung by the grandma for him when they were young.

Xia Yan: It’s impossible to not feel moved from receiving a confession like this.

MC: True, even I’m moved!

Xia Yan: Do you like this song a lot?

MC: I do… but no matter how good a song sounds, it’s only when the singer expresses emotions that they’ll be able to touch people’s hearts the most.

MC: I really want to have the grandpa listen to it fast!

After the sound of the music dissipated, Xia Yan took out the tape.

Xia Yan: Transferring the audio recording file is actually really quick, but I still need the next week to clean it up and make the sounds clearer.

MC: Great! That…

Xia Yan: What’s the matter?

MC: I want to listen to it for a moment more – can you play the original song?

Xia Yan: And here I thought you wanted to hear me sing.

MC: Could you? I remember that you just searched up the song name.

Xia Yan: I can learn if I don’t know how to – my learning ability is really strong.

MC: Okay, then I’ll invite great singing god Xia Yan to sing once!

 The sky grew gradually dimmer. Xia Yan sent me home, half humming and half singing the whole way. The night wind blew past, and the brisk melody rode on the wind, echoing at the end of the road.

 Home

MC: Download complete!

After getting home, I opened the music app I often used, search up this song, and downloaded it.

MC: Eh, this song was even the theme song of a movie? “50 First Dates”… First Love 50 Times? It’s a pretty interesting name. How about I call up Xia Yan next time to watch this movie?

Just when I was searching up resources on this movie, Xia Yan called.

MC: Have you gotten home?

Xia Yan: Mhmm, I did! I just received my client’s reply…

MC: So fast?

Xia Yan: It’s the time difference – she just happened to be online. What we found really was the confession tape that the grandma gave to the grandpa back then.

Xia Yan: Back then she wasn’t sure that it would be a success, so she placed the confession tap in a pile of music tapes and sent them over. But the grandpa didn’t react at all, so she thought that he didn’t hear it at all or lost it. Plus, afterwards, the grandpa didn’t continue to buy new tapes.

MC: Then in the end, they…

Xia Yan: About this…

Xia Yan’s tone was full of smiles.

Xia Yan: The grandma said, she originally thought that being just friends was also fine. After, it was the grandpa who took the initiative to chase her and confess.

MC: Wait, could it be with that confession sudoku?

Xia Yan: That’s right! The grandma was very reclusive back then, so as she lived on her own, she’d often make questions for fun.

MC: I never would’ve thought that the grandpa was faking a calm, collected demeanor, while actually being elated for sure internally…

Xia Yan: Yeah, the grandma also said that, no wonder he would often sneak into the book room in the past, staying there for a long time when he did.

MC: What the grandpa remembered at the end wasn’t the name of the song – instead, it was the tape. This means that what he loves isn’t this song – it’s the grandma.

Xia Yan: So she decided that she would sing for him in the future, regardless if he remembers it again or doesn’t.

Xia Yan: I wanted to tell you earlier so you would be happier.

Xia Yan: It’s pretty late now – sleep early. Goodnight!

MC: Goodnight!

Only after hanging up did I remember that I hadn’t told him about the movie.  

MC: Oh well… I’ll send him a message later.

--

Antiques Shop

Xia Yan sat before the table. The song was still playing on the terminal.

He hummed and sang quietly.

Xia Yan: When we can say goodnight and stay together. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could wake up… In the morning when the day is new.

If we could say goodnight to each other and nestle together, if we could open our eyes together, welcoming each new morning, wouldn’t that be nice.

Xia Yan: I trust that, the precondition “if” doesn’t exist between me and you…

Xia Yan: I will definitely make all of this true.

-END-

#tears of themis #tears of themis translations #xia yan #weiding shijian bu #未定事件簿 #夏彦 #tot translation #finally caught up on all the major xia yan content!!! #anything that i haven't translated (one date and two calls) that relate to his cards have been translated by others #this date is pretty early on in the timeline #feeling lost now that i have no major xia yan content to work on #i could work on main story ch.6 #but everything after part 6-1 doesn't have the slightest bit of xia yan in it #very sad #so it might take a while

[saharamae21]

The Long Goodbye - JJ Imagine

Author: sguymon21

Word Count - 1.5K

Warnings: Mentions of Death

________________________________________

You wanted to be put together enough for JJ. It was his day, not yours and you couldn’t make it about yourself. You sat at the beach with your friends. You noticed Sarah looking at you. She was the only one who knew that your grandpa had passed away this morning. Your families were close, so the news traveled quickly. Papa Joe had been in and out of heart surgery for the past year and there is only so much it can do. It couldn’t make his heart work for him. I took a sip of my beer and stared out over the ocean. You didn’t feel like being there, but JJ was one of the most important people to you and you couldn’t bail on his birthday.

“How’re you doin’? Sarah asked, taking a seat next to me. I shushed her and felt my shoulders drop. “I just knew how close you two were.”

I nodded and kept my head down. I didn’t want anyone to see the tears in my eyes. Papa Joe and I did everything together when I was younger. He taught me cards and watched sports with me. He was one of my best friends. When he first got sick, I visited him every week, but lately he was getting better and JJ wanted me around. I wished I hadn’t skipped your pinochle sessions. Guilt overwhelmed me as I sat there on the beach.

I tried to put on my best smile while we surfed. I blamed my lack of aggression on cramps. It was unlike me to skip out on good ways. Eventually I called it a day and went back to sit on the beach and watch. I just wasn’t in the mood. I laid down and closed my eyes, trying to take in the sun and get a little bit of a tan. I felt the presence of someone next to me and looked up to see Kiara. She gave me a sad look and I immediately knew that Sarah had blabbed about my situation.

“How many of you know?” I asked. She looked at me and gave me a shrug. That meant everyone. “Ugh, JJ doesn’t know though, right?”

“He doesn’t, but I think you should tell him,” she said. I shook my head no. I told her I would tell him tomorrow. Today was his day. I sat up and she rubbed my back for a second. I gave her a fake smile and told her I would be fine. She nodded, knowing that I was strong. She knew the more people babied me, the more it would hurt me. I needed a sense of normality.

The rest of the day seemed to drag on. We sat by the bonfire. I dug in the sand a bit while we all gave JJ his gifts. It was things like more bracelets and beer. I had went a step further though. J was the most important person in my life and I wanted him to know it. I had saved up for months in order to get him something nice. I wanted him to finally be able to relax away from the banks. I had planned a fun vacation for us and I was truly excited. Maybe there I would finally tell him I was in love with him, maybe not. I held the envelop in my hand as I waited to give my gift. As everyone else went, I found myself zoning out. I was consumed with guilt and it was something I couldn’t control. “What’s with you today, y/n?” JJ asked, clearly annoyed. My head turned to look at him. “It looks like you want to be anywhere, but here. What’s your problem?”

“JJ…” Kie warned. He told her no and asked me where I would rather be. He asked me what was more important. I couldn’t figure out why he was lashing out so much. Maybe it was because he had had a lot to drink. Maybe it was because I was MIA all day. Either way, it didn’t make me feel any better. He kept asking where I would rather be and what I would rather be doing.

“My grandpa died today!” I yelled at him. I could feel my tears spilling down my face.

“Didn’t we figure it was coming anyways?” he asked, showing no sympathy. The tears that were falling turned into waterworks as he said that to me. I threw the stupid envelop at him and stormed away. How could he be so insensitive to me. I listened to Sarah and Kie yell at him as I ran away.

My bed was soft and comforting. It was exactly where I wanted to be all day, but instead I was trying to impress someone who clearly didn’t care about my feelings in the slightest. I felt like an idiot. I skipped seeing Papa Joe because of that idiot. I felt tears stream down my face as I realized that he was gone. I heard a knock on the door and told my parents I didn’t want to talk to them right now. I hugged onto my Winnie the Pooh blanket and buried my face into it. The door clicked open and I felt someone sit on the edge of my bed.

“I’m so sorry, baby girl,” JJ voice said. It was painful and quiet. I didn’t uncover my face and I didn’t say anything. I just wept into my blanket. “I-I was upset and I didn’t even process what you had said or what I had said until it was too late. I-I hate myself for it, princess, so please just talk to me.”

“Go away, JJ,” I said, voice shaking. He told me no and placed his hand on my back. I could feel his cold rings rubbing my back in a circular motion. I knew I had made him feel bad enough, but I still didn’t want to see him.

“Y/n, I’m sorry,” he said. I looked up at him and seeing the tears in his eyes were enough to make me cave. I reached my arms out to him and he pulled me into him. I cried into his chest and he just held me tightly.

“I-I miss him,” I said as I cried pools into his shirt. “I never said goodbye!”

“I know, baby girl,” he said, doing everything in his power to make me feel better. I had officially ruined his birthday. Instead of on the beach with his friends, he was here with me while I cried my eyes out. I mumbled apology after apology. He told me everything was okay and that I had nothing to be sorry about.

“I ruined your birthday,” I cried. He wiped tears from my eyes and held my face, making me look at him.

“You could never ruin my birthday, plus you got me literally the most amazing gift ever,” he said. “We're going to surf and eat crab all day, that’s a promise.”

“You should take John B,” I said. “I’m going to be too sad to have fun.” “It will take your mind off of things,” he reminded me. “And I wouldn’t want to go with anyone else.”

He said it so nonchalantly. He said it like it was the most natural thing in the world. He had no idea how much hearing that affected me. I stared at him for a second. I sniffled and tried to read his expression, but I couldn’t. He just stared at me and assured me that it was him and I, like always. I smiled a little bit and asked him to lay with me for a little bit. He cuddled into me and held me, letting me cry for my grandpa a little more. “He’s proud of you, you know that right?” he asked me. “You didn’t have to see him every week. He knew you loved him and he loved you. He will always love you, y/n.”

“I know…” I muttered. I wiped my eyes and clung to him carefully.

“You know I love you too right?” he asked nervously.

“Yeah, I know, J,” I said. We always said I love you to each other, so why was he asking now?

“No,” he said. “I’m like in love with you, y/n. I’ve been in love with you for a while now and I didn’t want things to be weird, but that’s why I’m so jealous when you zone out or hang out with the others. I just want you to myself.”

“I love you too,” I said, tears refilling my eyes. He placed a kiss on my forehead and laid with me. The rest of the night was spent watching my favorite movies and cuddling. He was going to do everything in his power to make sure I was going to be fine. Grandpa would be proud that I had someone like him...

_______________________________________________

Dedicated to my Papa Joe. I love you now and forever 🥺💜

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