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castle-dominion · 9 months

Text

6x1 valkyrie

It has been a while since I liveblogged. I want to finish watching castle before summer is over.

She got a job ok, they got engaged ok.

Lol love the yes/no/yes/no "most serious thing I've ever done"

RC: You do know how this works, right? his twelve hundred names lol (& yeah that is HUGE gem)

Ah NOW it has been two months no longer sayong "nypd" must have been a change.

I remember when I first saw this I thought "oh it must be this gif with the sexy bra" but it wasn't. & then she got hit so hard she fell back like that?

"or worse: me"

Ew she doesn't have her plans anymore?

I love the music dskljfsdlkfj "he's best with rhetorical questions"

Alexis is pretty. Oh yeah. Pi. I love him so much. Spelling is a construct anyway bro. RC: Uh … make sure you put some blankets out on the couch for Pi if he’s staying? (his meaning is not subtle) Want him to be comfortable. (his phone rings) And visible. I mean like yeah boy sleeps on the couch.

Meh won't clip

Poor them, not seeing each other.

Lol what are you smiling about to the castle cutout.

Is that still her mom's ring? How did Castle get here? You want me to leave? Immediately *starts kissing him*

Castle mr nosey man.

Wow they're good! she looks a lot like castle tbh CASTLE NO SHE'S LITERALLY NOT EVEN IN THE CAR YET YOU CAN CATCH HER

the baby sdkfljslkdjklj (clipping) Halo nights, new trivi fact "well since you offered"

could clip the part where ryan tosses the baby doll on esposito Yay Tory Ellis "isn't that beckett's backyard?" jf ey tunnel shdgy cal.l d*lat.er when i ^bet1er

*castle is already at the golf course*

"it better be on a book jacket" unless he is at home when you drop beckett off bro

"I didn't think I'd get caught"

Yes the old haunt! Mccord is also getting the same info I'm sure.

Oh no phtos of Castle.

Oh no r they tattling on becks?

Picked up a guy, talked in my sleep, let out info about Scoffield. What if you get the license plate when he opened his trunk? Really you have a match off of THAT?

Infiltration? Yeah this fellow def going into a building.

Her voice cracked hella when she said "clear" Also wow these folks are hot in their vests. Her phone is on ring mode? She just went into a building with guns, what if she got in trouble? What if they needed to be quiet?

"the kind that makes me feel all" *ooh*

RC: I have salmon that needs to be refrigerated He's so right RC: that's a read THAT'S A RED!

My man has been shot or smth.. At least castle grabbed the gun. "10 & 2, 10 & 2" XD

Castle getting checked for a concussion lmao *waves at her*

Castle say "I had salmon to refrigerate-- would I have bought that if I was planning on getting abducted?"

"Given your fiance's history.." yk what so valid bestie Her little "I'm sorry" through the screen.

Glad they are doing 70% match not more bc yeah, people can change what they look like.

KB: Maybe it’ll be better. This way when we come home at the end of each day we’ll have something to talk about like normal couples. RC: Only your day will be classified. Like that one physicist who insisted that his wife get classification access so that he could talk to her abou this work day & rubber duck to her. At least castle has the money to fly around visiting his wife all the time.

Pi my beloved. Isn't fruitarian like "I don't eat fruit unless it has fallen from the tree. Those carrots were brutally murdered."

My man lives in amsterdam? Pi has his sixth sense I love pi sm. "you're absolutely right" *walks away*

RmC: You want to talk about it? KB: No RmC: Good

of course she wasn't taking a direct route

Aww castle talking to rysposito about it

KR: You know, I don’t think Jenny and I have been apart for more than two days since we met. It’s gotta be rough. (HOLY CRAP WAIT WHAT?) RC: I just feel like we’re so out of sync I don’t know how to get back. I guess I was just … trying to make it feel like us again. JE: Yeah, by playing me and Ryan for chumps. (KR nods, but it’s not in anger) You should have known that we were going to figure out this case was real. RC: Well, you’ll be happy to know for my sins I was abducted by a maniac at gunpoint and nearly killed. But at least I didn’t get Beckett fired. [They’re both surprised.] JE: Whoa, whoa, abducted? (RC pauses) By who? RC: realizes he might have said too much and tries to evade. RC: Look guys, I really shouldn’t be talking about this. [They don’t let him off so easily.] KR: C’mon, Castle. It’s us. JE: And thanks to you, we’re already involved. KR: nods. RC: Okay, but this goes no further, all right? (at KR’S nod) So I’m walking down the street and this guy that they’re looking for grabs me, shoves me into a car, starts talking crazy, starts asking me all these questions. JE: What kind of questions? RC: Something about Valkyrie, how much the feds knew, and then I thought he was going to pass out, because he was talking about going off to dream world. (JE freezes & looks off with his eyes) But he didn’t pass out. He dropped dead. JE: Uh … this guy? Was he, uh, was he military?

RC: Why? Is Valkyrie a military term? JE: I don’t know about Valkyrie, but Dream World? It’s a highly classified special operations base in the Gulf. It’s a ghost base. The government’s never confirmed its existence, but I – I met a guy who knew a guy who was stationed there. (everyone knows someone who knows someone) RC: (intrigued) Where is it? JE: It’s – it’s a ghost base, Castle. You think it’s going to say where it is? KR and RC share a look, then look to JE. They both shake their head. JE: No. But I will tell you this, if Beckett’s case has anything to do with this base, well, then she’s into something way bigger than she realizes. (won't clip, not even the double shale heads of rystle)

Oh no they lost her, beckett's instincts screwed them up. Or not nvm. If you've never seen it then why were you running away with evasion tactics? Is this the same interrogation room as the precinct & they just dolled it up differently?

GOLF COURSE I expected rachel mccord to slam the table & yell "he's dead" to scare this jeanette girl into talking. KB: Well, people do crazy things when they’re in love. RmC: I've noticed

Well you have the encryption system so you don't need to find the Bad Guy. Stop looking for the thing they REALLY stole. Ah! Genetics lab, classified floor, etc. lmao you would SO get results for dreamworld, even if it is all BS.

Castle chill & cut pi some slack. But also alexis is so pretty really really pretty. RC: how would they know? MR: Richard, these federal agents are here for you...

Ah yes, the military Why would Jack Bronson die if they were trying to set him up? How badly was he exposed? A few days & castle is still mostly fine? ngl I expected it to be more like "a few months before it ruins your systems, but we have a few days to flush it from your system so that you can go back to living your normal life" or smth

Ok I got a few clips, I'm happy.

#castle 6x1 #castle 6x1 spoilers #castle 6x1 quote #the valkyrie/dreamworld episodes

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donutloverxo · 3 years

Note

Mobster Steve always ready to shut anyone up by his excessive pda in front of anyone and everyone .. cries .. a dream

Thanks for the request and sorry it took so long. I'm combining this and another anon who asked for a reader standing up for herself hopefully thats okay. Warnings - daddy kink, mob!Steve, misogyny. Dividers by @whimsicalrogers.

The yelling out 'daddy!' In public but was inspired by @cruelfvkingsummer s sugar daddy!August Walker.

Please note that my stories are not to be stolen or reposted on any other site. Reblogs and welcome and much appreciated. This blog and this story is 18+. Do not read, follow or interact if you are not 18+. Please🙏🙏

*gif is not mine*

"You're gonna have to make a decision someday, cap," Sam chimed in, reminding Steve of the time crunch.

He only hummed in return, having had about enough of working the whole damn week, what's worse was that he couldn't even spend the weekend with you.

His frown quickly softening and turning into a smile when he saw you come out of his car, "Daddy!" you squealed, jumping up and down in excitement as you ran to him and threw your arms around him.

He was taken aback a bit, stumbling back a few steps but he managed to catch you, burying his nose in your hair as you nuzzled your face in the crook of his neck.

"I missed you so so much!" you sighed, finally happy to be with him.

He tried to set you down to your feet, so he could get a good look at your face, but you refused to stop clinging to him,"How was your trip, princess?" he asked rubbing your back, which was exposed since you were wearing a flimsy backless dress, he didn't know how he felt about that.

"Oh my gosh!" you squealed again, standing ok your feet so you could look up at him, "We had so much fun! I bought so many new pretty things, hot some for you and your friends too," you blinked.

He hummed, pulling you into him and crashing his lips over yours, he had missed you, it had been less than a week and yet it felt like months. He was well aware of Sam, Bucky, Peter and his bodyguards eyes on you, some of them had the decency to avert their gaze while Sam and Bucky smiled and stared as if they were proud parents.

You giggled, your cheeks warm and head dizzy from the kiss as he let you go.

"Yeah, what'd you get us, princess?" Bucky teased.

Steve shot him a look, knowing that he was only joking but that pet name was reserved for him, only he got the privilege to call you that.

"Ooh! I got you some magnets to put on your fridge and a nice shirt."

"Alright, princess, let's get going or we'll be late," he urged you. Not ready to share your attention with his friends, not after having you back in his arms after so long, and dreading the party you were both going to.

"Did she give you any trouble?" he asked Peter. He had sent the boy with you and your friends to Milan to protect you and make sure that you stayed out of trouble.

"Uh... no, sir. But..." he hesitated, he thought of you as a big sister and would never want to rat you out or get you in trouble, but his loyalty lied with the mob boss, "She might've maxed out your platinum card..."

"Don't worry about that..." he chuckled and thanked him for taking care of you.

"Daddy," you whined, squirming against his side, you had been acting antsy ever since you got in the limo, pressing kisses to his neck and his collarbone, pulling at the collar of his dress shirt, "I missed you sooo much..."

"I missed you too, baby. But we need to talk," he propped your chin up so he could look into your beautiful eyes, "You'll need to be careful with the card from now on. You can't just blow money away just because we have a lot of it."

"Bu... but," your eyes tearing up and your bottom lip wobbling, "I thought what was yours was mine. You said so yourself..." you sniffled, trying to keep your tears at bay, he had told you that when he asked you to leave your shitty studio apartment and move into his brownstone in Brooklyn, he let you decorate the place however you liked and let you have access to his accounts so you let yourself think that what was his was truly yours. "My mom was right..."

"Right about what?"

"She told me never to move in with a guy until I'm engaged. I'm just like... a kept woman for you..."

"No...no...no, honey," he sighed, stroking your cheek, "It is yours. Everything that is mine is yours. Even my heart," he said putting your hand over his heart, "my soul, it's all yours. More than it is mine really."

"And... I'm just looking for a ring, baby. You know I'd be an idiot not to give you my name and make you my wife. But we need to be cautious, what if we spend all our money and don't have any in case of an emergency?"

"All right, that makes sense. I'm sorry, daddy, I promise I'll be careful."

"I know you will, baby. You're my good girl right?"

"Yes," you nodded, clenching your thighs together.

"Are you wet, honey?" he smiled.

"Yes," you giggled. "Will you fuck me right now, please?" pulling your doe eyes so he absolutely won't be able to resist you.

"Not in a moving car, honey," he said, pulling on your bottom lip with his thumb before pushing it in your warm mouth, "I want to take my time with you. I haven't had my most favorite meal in days, so I'll have to do that first, for at least an hour, and then you are good and show me that you deserve it, I'll let you ride my cock."

His words sent shivers up your spine, you gulped, you were bound to be sore tonight. But there was still the matter of your needy pussy, and you weren't patient like your daddy.

"Can I at least suck daddy's cock then?" you requested.

He chuckled, "You just never take no for an answer do you, baby," as you shook your head. He unzipped his pants, pulling his hardening cock out of his pants.

"I'll mess up your hair," he said as you got down to your knees, between his legs, "I don't mind. I want my cummies," you excitedly wrapped your hand around his length, wrapping your lips around his tip.

He pushed your head down, making you gag, "We have to hurry, baby, we'll be there soon..." he moaned as he threw his head back.

He kept fucking his cock into your face, trying not to mess with your pretty hair which was your done up, your makeup was already ruined though, "Here it comes, baby," he warned you before releasing in your mouth.

You swallowed all of out, so that you could impress him and show him that you were his good girl, and because you were looking forward to the, hopefully huge, diamond he was going to buy you.

You were never a huge fan of parties like these, bored out of your mind, you couldn't even talk to anyone, Sam and Bucky seem to have wandered off somewhere while Steve was too busy making small talk that would literally put you to sleep.

"I'm bored," you told him for the tenth time, you would've even stomped your feet and thrown a full blown tantrum if you weren't aware of everyone's eyes on you, "And my feet hurt from these heels."

"I told you to wear something sensible, doll," he sighed. "Just an hour or so more and then I'll give you a foot massage, okay?"

You only huffed, four inches were more than sensible, you were going to wear the killer eight inch stilletos you bought in Italy with your friends but didn't knowing he'll scold you for it.

"Whatever," you mumbled.

Walking towards a group of women, who looked like they were mob wives and mob mistresses, you could talk to them to kill time.

'She's such a gold digger, I've heard Rogers has a lot of money.' You stopped in your tracks as you heard one of them say.

'You have to be hot to be a gold digger,' another voice snickered.

"Oh shit, I think she heard us..." she whispered as they both looked at you.

"Hello," you gave them a sweet smile, "were you both talking about me?"

"Yeah..." the blonde girl, Stacey you recalled her name was, "It's only the truth," she shrugged. "Nothing wrong with it, go get that money, girl!" She tried to salvage it but the damage was done.

"I think you're mistaken," you said as you propped your hand on your hip, "I'm not a gold digger. I love Steve and I do like how rich he is, but I'd love him even if he didn't have the money. Is it possible that you were projecting your own Insecurities on me? You're the one who wishes your man would leave his wife for you, not me. I'm going to be Mrs Steve Rogers. So you should watch how you speak about me if you know what's good for you."

She was about to quip back but then you felt his arm around you, "Good evening, ladies," he said to the small group of women, "Mind if I steal my fiance for a second?" he asked.

They all stared dumbfounded as he whisked you away.

"Not gonna lie, I would've loved to rescue you and be your knight," he told you as you both walked towards your limo, ready to end the night. "But I'm still so proud of you. You're my sweet strong girl."

"You'll always be my hero, daddy. No matter what."

#berry answers #steve rogers #chris evans x reader #steve x reader #captain america x reader #steve rogers x you #avengers x reader #marvel x reader #chris evans x you #steve rogers x reader #chris evans x y/n #mob!steve rogers x reader

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justlookfrightened · 4 years

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If you're still taking them... would you mind doing random 8?

Prompt is from this list. Random 8: “Can you please…? Hmmm, I don’t know. Maybe put a shirt on?!”

“So you’re okay with it?” Bitty asked.

Jack stood up after rummaging in the fridge and coming up with a protein drink.

“Sure,” he said. “If you are. They’re your family.”

Bitty snorted.

“My relatives, sure,” Bitty said. “But it means they’ll be here when you get back from your first roadie this season. You’re you wouldn’t rather have your home to yourself?”

“Your home, too,” Jack said. “And you’ll be here, right? So as long you don’t mind, why not?”

“Why would I mind?”

“Just … do you like these cousins?” Jack asked. “I mean, you don’t think they’re just using you?”

“Using me? You mean besides asking to stay here? How?”

“You know,” Jack said. “For your connections, money …”

“Jack, I hate to break this to you now, but I don’t have any money,” Bitty said. “It’s like the Samwell financial aid office knew how much money I had -- to the penny -- and made sure they got every last cent of it. I am bringing no money into this household.”

Jack shrugged.

“What’s mine is yours,” he said. “So yes, you have money. And you are a big name at every college in New England, even the ones that aren’t into hockey, because of --”

“The first out captain thing?”

“I was going to say winning the Frozen Four,” Jack said. “But probably both.”

“Anyway, no, the girls have always been fine,” Bitty said. “I mean, they’re five years younger so I don’t know them that well. They were 13 when I went to Samwell. I guess I’m more surprised that Aunt Connie and Uncle Bubba would let them stay with us since we’re living in sin.”

“Uncle Bubba?” Jack asked. “Never mind. They’re both looking at colleges in Boston?”

“Yeah,” Bitty said. “They’re twins, and they’ve always been in the same school. A lot of the time the same classes, because they’re both smart. So they decided they wanted to go to different colleges but try to be in the same city.”

“And Boston has plenty of options,” Jack said.

“Yup,” Bitty said. “I mean, Atlanta has options too, but if they want to get out of Georgia, good for them.”

By the time Jack left on his roadie, Bitty was glad to have his cousins’ visit to prepare for. He made sure the linens in the guest bedroom and bathroom were fresh, he bought flowers (at the supermarket, but still), laid in a supply of Coca-Cola, and and baked cookies before they arrived.

That helped take his mind off Jack being gone for three nights … which was fine, really. Last season, they almost never got to spend three nights in a row together at all. Bitty had been spoiled by spending the whole summer with Jack, and now he had to get used to having Jack gone almost as much as he was home. Maybe Bitty would spend a lot of time at the Haus 2.0.

But for now, he had Missy and Ellie coming for two nights and four college tours. Northeastern, Tufts, Boston University and Boston College. It was going to be exhausting, but at least Bitty knew his way around and was used to driving in Boston. Although it might make more sense to do the city ones on the T, and more fun for the girls.

They arrived at Logan decked out in jeans and hoodies, with jackets over their arms, despite beautiful October weather. Bitty clucked to himself, but remembered how cold sixty degrees felt his first year in Massachusetts.

“What do y’all want to do besides visit the schools?” Bitty said. “Although I think that will take most of our time. And you know I live like an hour away from here, right?”

“We know, Di -- Eric,” Missy said. “Sorry. Aunt Suzanne said no one here calls you Dicky. I figured you might not like it anymore.”

“Anymore?” Ellie snorted. “Did he ever?”

“It’s fine,” Eric said. “I guess if I had my choice, you could call me Eric. Or Bitty. That’s what most people here call me.”

“You don’t mind that?” Missy asked.

“No,” Bitty said. “It was what my team called me, and what Jack’s whole team calls me.”

“Speaking of,” Ellie said. “Any chance we’ll meet any hockey players?”

“Not Falconers,” Bitty said. “They’re on the road this week. Jack’ll be back very early Saturday, but of course you’ve met him.”

He led the way to the car and headed for a public lot halfway between Northeastern and Boston University.

“Is the traffic always like this?” Missy asked.

“What do you mean?” Bitty said. “It’s not as bad as Atlanta.”

“Maybe not as many cars,” Ellie said. “But they go every which way.”

After an introductory talk and a tour, Bitty took them to Amelia’s for Mexican food for lunch before repeating the routine at BU. Bitty found himself wondering what it would have been like to go to school in the middle of the city instead of in a college town like Samwell. Until now, all he’d seen of the campuses were their ice rinks.

He made them dinner at home, and enjoyed the cooking and washing up and listening to the girls chatter and gossip. It also gave him time to make a couple of pies for the following night.

The next day started with Tufts and ended at Boston College. Dinner was actually at Haus 2.0, where Ransom, Holster, Lardo and Shitty regaled Missy and Ellie with tales of Bitty’s misadventures as a frog.

“Pies just appear?” Missy said. “I know that feeling, around you and Aunt Suzanne. Somehow the baking bug missed Mom.”

“If you guys end up here, I’m sure Bits will deliver,” Holster said. “Having him around was half the reason we decided to stay in Boston. Another beer, Rans?”

Bitty, of course, was not drinking, since he was not only chaperoning his cousins but also driving. This would make three each for Ransom and Holster, which was … probably not good for their long-term health if they were doing it every day, but also not enough to get either of them drunk. Lardo had a beer with dinner, and Shitty disappeared onto the balcony and came back smelling of marihuana.

“Eric?” Ellie asked when they got in the car. “Did your friend go outside to smoke weed?”

“Uh … yes,” Bitty said. “Which is legal here, if you buy it from a dispensary and are over 21. Just so you know, it’ll still get you in trouble if not expelled from college.”

“No duh,” Missy said. “It’s not like we’ve never been around anyone who smoked weed before. I just didn’t expect you to hang around with potheads.”

“Shitty a pothead?” Bitty was indignant. Shitty did smoke pretty regularly, but he also was pulling top marks at Harvard Law, and Bitty rarely saw him too stoned to function responsibly. “I don’t think I’d use that word. He’s one of the smartest people I know, and if that’s how he relaxes, I’m not going to judge him.”

“Did you ever smoke weed?” Missy asked.

“I’m not gonna answer that,” Bitty said.

“Pretty sure that is an answer,” Missy said.

“But don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone,” Ellie said. “What’s the deal with Ransom and Holster? Are they together? I couldn’t tell. Or are they available?”

“Not to you,” Bitty said. “You’re seventeen. They’re grown adults.”

“But they’re not together?” Missy persisted.

Bitty shrugged.

“I suppose it means what you mean by together,” he said. “They lived together the whole time I new them, got jobs together and moved in together after college, so I’d say their relationship is primary to both of them. But they also both date. One of the things I learned in college is that nothing is as black-and-white as lots of people seem to think. But those are lessons you’ll learn with people your own age.”

The girls fell quiet, and Bitty wondered if he’d been too harsh.

“Sorry,” he said. “It’s not for me to tell you what to do when you get to college. But for now, I have to keep an eye out for you. And if you want a long lecture on power dynamics in relationships, I can set something up with Shitty.”

By the time Bitty went to bed that night, he was glad his cousins came, and even happier that he would be taking them back to the airport to head home tomorrow. It might be nice if they ended up in Bostpn for school, but if that happened, they’d be busy with their own friends and lives, and he could just drop in with pie and sympathy from time to time. Teenagers were exhausting.

Bitty woke up when Jack came in, probably somewhere around 3 a.m., and promptly followed Jack’s instructions to go back to sleep. He slept better than he had since Jack left, cocooned in the warm bed with his warmer fiance.

He didn’t even wake up when Jack, who by rights should be more exhausted than he was, got up in the morning. Or at least it appeared that way, when he rolled over to snuggle into Jack’s said and found only cool sheets.

It was clearly full daylight, so Bitty checked his phone. It was only 8:30, but probably time to get up if he was going to get the girls to the airport in time for their 12:30 flight. There should still be time for pancakes if he could get them up soon.

He washed up and headed for the kitchen, drawn by the sound of giggles, a little surprised that they were already up.

He almost couldn’t believe the sight that met his eyes: Ellie and Missy, attempting to cook (French toast, maybe?) in his kitchen, but overcome with laughter as Jack, clearly just returned from a run, tried to figure out who was who. He wasn’t helped by the way they kept switching names on him just to make it worse.

Bitty stepped into the kitchen and removed the smoking, empty skillet from the burner.

“Ellie,” he said, pointing, “and Missy, didn’t your mother tell you not to leave a pan on a hot burner unattended?”

“We’re right here,” Ellie said.

“And yet the pan was smoking,” Bitty said. “You also should ask before cooking in someone else’s kitchen.”

“We just wanted to make breakfast to thank you for letting us stay,” Missy said. “Mom said we should.”

“She said you should start cooking in my kitchen without asking?” Bitty asked, because Aunt Connie set the standard for possessiveness over her kitchen. Which, come to think of it, might be why Ellie and Missy didn’t have any kitchen sense.

“She just said we should do something,” Missy said.

“Well, I’ll consider myself thanked, and you two can go pack your things,” Bitty said. “Breakfast in twenty minutes.”

“Are you sure we can’t stay and help?” Ellie said. “We’re mostly packed.”

“Maybe you could teach us,” Missy said.

It was her eyes straying away to Jack that gave her away.

“If you want,” Bitty said sweetly. “Jack can help, too.”

“Me?” said Jack, putting his water glassin the sink. “What do you need, bud?”

“Can you please…? Hmmm, I don’t know. Maybe put a shirt on?” Bitty asked. “You know, for kitchen safety and all that.”

#omgcheckplease #omg check please #zimbits #my fic #prompt fill

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disisphlebotinum · 2 years

Text

Meryem - Episode 6

angry face. sad face. angry face. angrier face. middle finger.

We left off a few seconds ago.

I wish Savas could just take Meryem away with him.

Baba and Darin trying to out villain each other for a moment. That was cute in a wasting my time kind of way.

Wasn’t this supposed to be what Douchebag was using Meryem for? Please just let him fall off the planet now!

Can we also kill Selma’s husband!!!!!!!!!

This Selma stuff hurts. Everything else is stupid.

I’m so bored.

I want Savas out of jail.

Douchebag ignored Meryem’s calls for half an episode but has a tantrum when she doesn’t immediately respond to him at every damn moment. Okay.

I don’t have time for Douchebag’s family.

I think I might have mistaken Selma for a different prison chick last episode. She seems like someone who has actually listened when Meryem spoke.

Does Savas’s money show up and fix everyone’s problems?

I appreciate that Douchebag’s excuses are wearing thin for Meryem. The dude never fucking runs out of them!

I don’t need more forced Darin and Baba time. It’s weird for me to miss Tulin when I literally forget her existence most of the time.

I still don’t entirely understand what they arrested Savas for.

That dude didn’t spend enough time yelling at Douchebag.

Savas just dropped some major big dick energy when he was like, “they’re recording, lets talk about Meryem’s case instead”

The way they are not cutting the recording!

Yell it louder sir. “YOU ARE NOTHING”

Anne is the sweetest.

Savas clocking the undercover cop.

Selma’s husband is fucking with the wrong Anne. This chick got sons dude. This is a whole mistake on his part.

I really don’t need Douchebag and Baba dragging stuff out.

I really didn’t expect Savas to just call Darin out on lying to him like that.

TURN AROUND SAVAS!

Damn it.

I told you Anne has sons!

I hate how smug Douchebag has been this episode. It started out so promising with all his shit starting to fall apart.

Husband is already doing so much Husband-ing.

Because Meryem can’t spend more than 20 minutes an episode not being in danger.

Right so Meryem is being terrorized by the dudes and I’m being terrorized by Douchebag and Beliz.

I might rewatch the scene of Savas showing up and kicking ass over and over and over again.

Why did he run away?!

Savas is literally keeping watch over her! What the fuck!

I’m guessing that Meryem is assuming that Savas is going to fix the bakery and then sell it? I completely forgot that Savas bought it so he could burn it down.

Oh, demolishing it.

Meryem looked pissed when she learned it wasn’t the bank.

I feel like someone has been stalking someone else at least once in every episode so far.

For someone who not a single person can think of being fair to, everyone sure is interested in Meryem this episode.

I hate that Douchebag’s mom has been the single person Meryem has stuck up for herself to, but I love seeing her stand for herself about something to someone.

Well fuck.

The way Meryem didn’t call security.

Well fuck.

The cash just spilling out like Douchebag’s lies.

Well fuck.

I think there is a part of Douchebag who really thinks all his bad decisions are everyone else’s fault.

Do they usually bring in a bunch of material to demolish a place?

I’m glad her picture is still here. She needs to actually take it with her.

I feel like we’ve taken a new step in our chemistry. We’re no longer under the shadow of the fact that his fiance was killed like 5 episodes ago, and they’re starting to let the characters move forward. I like it.

Ayca’s eyes kill me.

THE HUSBANDING TOUGH!

It feels like Abi, Anne, and Savas have started their own little Meryem Defense Squad. I love it.

Beliz needs to call Meryem. Let that bitterness just fill her heart and shove that truth out in the open. Plus, Douchebag doesn’t deserve sex so I would like him to stop getting any.

I blinked or something and missed so much. But also don’t care enough to go back. None of it actually involved Meryem or Douchebag dying.

There is so much Baba stuff I do not care about right now.

Darin needs some actual help. Like some actual therapy.

Savas and Guclu are so smart. Why can’t they be real men I have access to?

Why is anyone bothering Anne?

Uncle laying down his suspicions about Douchebag.

What is going on?

Beliz should not be saving Douchebag. I really hope she is playing him. In my wildest dreams she is setting him up.

What even is the point of these lies? There is so many.

I hate everything.

Let the dude go jail.

If I have to watch him marry Darin and no one gave me a trigger warning, I’m quitting the show.

#Meryem #dizi #turkish dizi

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angstew · 3 years

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How to have a baby during COVID-19 pt 2-The roller coaster of pregnancy

And so it began. The roller coaster of pregnancy. The first & only pregnancy I’ve experienced. In the middle of a pandemic. While barely sober enough to be done detox. What a combo. But I was determined to break the stereotype. I would not endanger my unborn child, I would not resort to my selfish & reckless ways. I would do something different. And then reality hit, and I felt the whole emotional rainbow at once, and then felt guilty for some of the ways I felt, shameful, like I didn’t deserve to have a child with the thoughts I was having. In case you’re not familiar with addiction & recovery, there is no cure. I know it’s a controversial subject(my favorite kind) but in my experiences it is NOT a choice, it is NOT curable, and the biggest argument starter it seems, I was born this way. Example, when I was younger & I discovered skinny jeans, I bought every different color of the same pair....when I found a song or a band I liked, that’s all I listened too until my mom finally had enough. You get the idea. Anyway, so that being said, some of the thoughts that swirled around my head in the early stages of the pregnancy included “just do one” “noone would know” “the baby will be fine just once” “I wont be a good mom anyway so why not just do what everyone expects” I am proud to say, that I did not use during my pregnancy, and still haven’t to this day but I do not judge women that do, it’s heartbreaking how sad but real that struggle is. And I was so embarrassed to share those thoughts, because I felt like I shouldn’t be having them. More about that later...

Okay, so now I’m pregnant, my fiance & I live in a recovery house, we were both just laid off of work, and I mean within 1.5 months of finding out, we were both jobless, and I was absolutely petrified. This may be TMI, but I have always been afraid of the dentist & the OBGYN, so getting poked, prodded, and having a human being come out of there mortified me. So, I did what anyone in this society does-google. I downloaded every single pregnancy app, I googled every single movement, feeling, question & thought I could think of. I was determined to be good to this baby, to undo all the wrong I had done through my life. My fiance turned into the baby whisperer, talking to my stomach before this baby was even the size of a kidney bean. It was beautiful. Thank GOD for the PUA money, because without that we probably would’ve had this baby in a recovery house....just kidding, but seriously we would’ve been living with family & not able to bond as a little unit. While I was out of work though, I tried to use the time to read, learn & eat as much as possible. The first 4 months all the baby wanted was nachos, until one long awful night filled with vomit, diarrhea & lots of tears, I didn’t go near Mexican again. After that, it was hot wings. I started eating mayo on sandwiches (which I HATED), ate eggs every morning(also wasn’t a big fan), whatever that baby wanted to eat he got, my fiance made sure of it. And I can’t forget the famous pregnancy pillows. A true must have. My fiance’s dad got me a C shaped pillow & my fiance became as obsessed with it as I was. I would fold this thing up in it’s little portable bag & drag it back & forth between my house & my fiance’s just to get some comfort...& so my fiance could get a little snuggle with it here & there. So as soon as I started getting used to being pregnant, and started to embrace all the changes, I became a house manager for 10 women, which means a glorified babysitter- giving drug tests, monitoring chores, enforcing rules, which would be fine if people want to get sober, but this particular group wasn’t there. So it was very difficult, and honestly, I didn’t give as much attention & effort as I should have, but I was determined to try and help as much as I could, while juggling all of my own things. Needless to say, around 7 months pregnant I had to step down. The drama, the running back & forth between spending time with my fiance & having to deal with house shit became too much. All I wanted to do was be with the father of my child & experience every little thing with him.

Okay, so I know I’m jumping around, and for that I apologize, pregnancy brain is a real thing & 7 months postpartum it’s still alive and well. So, I finally got the courage to tell my mom about the baby. She was the last one I told, and the one I was most afraid to tell. My mom & I have always been incredibly close, she’s been the most amazing support that I could ask for. But I knew before telling her what she’d say...”are you crazy” “this is NOT the time to have a baby” “you are being so irresponsible” and it actually ended up going WORSE than I imagined. We barely spoke for months, and when we did, there was so much tension, so many things unsaid & so many unshared feelings you could literally FEEL it in the air. It was absolutely terrible. It was the hardest part about the pregnancy for the most part. She finally started to come around right before we moved into our apartment, because I think she realized she didn’t want to lose out on her daughter & her life. I was moving into my first apartment, yes at 27, finally moving into my first apartment, I was getting bigger & more exciting things were happening with the baby, I was finally growing up & starting this beautiful life & I think my mom realized she would miss out if she didn’t put aside her feelings and just be my mom. I still am so grateful for the moment she came around, because I didn’t really have anyone to talk too, woman wise. Sure, I could ask the older women at the house, or people I knew, but it’s not the same as MY mom. I wanted to be able to ask her the gross, embarrassing questions I didn’t even want to acknowledge were happening to me. “What do I do about the horrible acne I have?” “What makes this gas go away?” “Will I poop on the delivery table?!” “What happens if the baby comes out & I’m not ready to be a mom yet?” Questions only a mom can answer. Thank God for moms.

So as I said earlier, at about 7 months, we finally were able to move into our own apartment, and I was ecstatic. I could sleep with my fiance AND my pregnancy pillow at the same time. I could fill my refrigerator with whatever me & my fiance(AKA my fiance & the baby) wanted, and most importantly, we could start getting ready for this baby. We could give him a HOME. Decorate the different rooms, get the nursery ready, we could settle down, relax & wait for this baby to make his grand appearance. It was just one less thing to be stressed about, we had somewhere to bring this new little guy too, we could be together & we could pack for the hospital...something I waited until about 8 months 1 week to do....

After we finally settled into our new place, I noticed the famous swelling of the hands & feet, only this was not normal. And unfortunately, the hospital that I was going too for prenatal care was ALWAYS slammed, it was during COVID so the doctors wanted to be in & out, it was someone different every time & I felt like nothing I said was heard or more importantly, taken seriously. So when I started complaining about the swelling, without even looking at it, it was dismissed as normal swelling, and I was told I was fine. I was starting to go for weekly stress tests as well after my appointments and THERE was when the preeclampsia was discovered. Not at my OB appointment, where they’re supposed to be physically checking me and making sure I’m okay. Where I complained of swelling, headaches, fatigue, which are all red flags. Anyway, at 8 months 2 weeks, I went for an OB & stress test appointment. As usual the OB said everything looked great, HA. I went down for my stress test, found out my BP was 145/90, after taking it 4 times it was determined I had preeclampsia & would be admitted immediately for delivery. It was hands down the most terrifying thing in my life(at that moment, because it got much scarier in the next few days) Because of COVID, my fiance wasn’t allowed in the appointments with me, so when I found out I was staying, I called him in a meltdown, while begging the nurses to let him come up. And so began the most traumatic, excruciating, beautiful, breathtaking week of my life...the induction of Oliver. (yeah, you read that correctly, a WEEK)

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gongju-juice · 4 years

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7. Once Upon a Southern Night

Still Stuck in 1863

Warnings: Language, Mentions of a miscarriage, all of the usual

That night, you had the strangest, most desirable nightmare of your entire life.

You were barefoot, laying in a bed of flowers wearing a long black dress and white apron. By your side, he was there. But instead of his brilliant red eyes, they were the peaceful color of a bluish gray. On his stomach rested his top hat and he was dressed in the finest clothes; clothes no regular person should have been lounging around in.

“P-Preston?”

He turned on his side and looked up at you, his hand absentmindedly rubbing circles on your flat middle. Bending down, he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Yes, dear. I’m here.”

“I. . .” you looked around the clearing. It was early in the afternoon, the golden rays peeking through the oak trees above you. In the distance, rows of cotton stood out against the brown field. “Is this. . .a dream. . .or a memory?”

“Neither,” he murmured. “This is a vision. We are talking together in real-time while you are asleep. Everything around us is what home used to look like.”

“How. . .is this possible?”

He caressed your face with his other hand, gazing into your eyes like he was a moth drawn to a light.

“This is what life should’ve been like. Your mom and the aunties should have been making clothes for the baby, and I should’ve been preparing our home in Pensacola. Instead, I was dragged out to war for what would be the final time I’d ever see you.”

You shook your head, sitting up in the bed of dandelions. “Home? I would be a slave if that would’ve come to fruition. You would’ve married Abigail, and I’d be your negro mistress sleeping in the shack outside with our biracial children.”

He grimaced at his former fiance’s name. No matter what he said, the truth would always be the same. Your love was never equal, he owned you. His family owned you from the moment you were born. You were not his lover. You were his slave.

“I would’ve bought your freedom. Mother could not really force me to marry that woman. I wouldn’t have put up with it—not in a million years. I wanted to dress you in the finest clothes, drape you in jewels. At one time, you wouldn’t have hesitated to believe me.”

He gently pushed you back down to the earth and hovered over your middle before placing a series of kisses on your covered navel.

“We were going to name her Sarah,” he said with a sad note of laughter. “If she was a girl. And if he was a boy—”

“Clyde,” you whispered. “Oh, Preston—Preston, I remember it all. Everything!”

He took you in his heart, and you heard his wild heartbeat clear and strong. The flood of memories was overwhelming, and all you could do was sob in his chest. You remembered catching lightning bugs in the twilight, him secretly teaching you how to read under the stairs. You remembered making love in his bedroom—how the other slaves on the plantation resented his favoritism.

You remembered missing your periods three consecutive months in a row. You remembered his face as you told him, how he lifted you in his arms. You remembered when Major Whitlock arrived and took him away, how he left you with only a little picture of him in a tiny locket.

You remembered his furious mother, and how she incurred her wrath on you any chance she got. You remembered when she knocked you unconscious, blood spilling between your legs when she told you her plans. You remembered your mother’s cold hands and the pain—

How you cried. How you wished for him to come and take your pain away. And your vengeful mother. She spoke nonsense in your ear as you were dying on her straw mattress. She chanted in the candle dim light of your cabin, and the next thing you knew—

You were being tickled in your adopted mother’s arms.

“Do you know?” you choked. “Do you know what your mother did to me?”

His eyes lowered, hands falling to clasp your wrists. “I didn’t find out until twenty years later. . .when I could finally stand to be near a human without wanting to rip their throat out.”

“Did you know. . .that she killed our baby? That she wanted to send me up to Charleston so Abigail and her folks wouldn’t know?”

Tears threatened to spill from his eyes as he turned away. As he did, a butterfly rose from a lonesome bluebell.

“If I would have been there, I wouldn’t have let that happen,” he growled. “And it’s all Jasper Whitlock’s fault. If he wouldn’t have dragged me out to—”

“No,” you said, “you wanted to go to war. You wanted to bring honor to your family and keep slaves from being free so you could bathe in your money. Don’t act like the victim, Preston. Don’t act like I don’t remember how cruel you were when the abolitionists showed up in Mobile.”

He shook his head, whirling back around to face your tear-stained face. “It was a different time, Y/N, Why does that excuse work for Jasper and not for me? It was my right—”

“And you still think it is!” you snapped. “You think you’re entitled to me because of the past, because of a flawed love we used to share. Jasper has acknowledged things have changed, and he’s changed with time. But you—you’re still stuck in 1863.”

“No!” he shouted ferociously, and suddenly his eyes flickered from river blue to blazing red. “I lost the life I should’ve had! He stole that from me! He deserves to pay, to feel every ounce of suffering I felt all those years.”

“Has he not suffered as I have?” you cried. “He was a slave to Maria, just like I was a slave to you!”

His eyes closed, and he struggled to regain his composure. You saw through the illusion quickly. He must’ve enlisted the powers of a witch to fabricate this false reality. Your love for Preston was real, but your fear of him was even stronger. You gave yourself to him out of necessity. To refuse your master. . .it was not something a black woman did and got away to tell the story.

“It doesn’t matter how you feel,” he said after a while. “I will make you love me again as you did once before. You’ll see—once I destroy Jasper and all of his family, you will have nobody else but me.”

The dream evaporated and suddenly you were in the middle of the living room, your family and guests all standing over you as she gasped violently.

“Y/N!” Jasper called, holding you in your arms as you came to. Your mother was about to inject an IV needle into your vein while Carlisle tried to determine the cause of your sudden collapse.

“Mom? Jas? I—” you tried to sit up but you were promptly held in place.

“Just breathe, darlin’,” Jasper instructed. “I’ll move you in a minute. It’s okay, I got you.”

You attempted to weakly lift up your hand to his cold face. And that’s when you knew. Nothing or no one could ever separate you from him. Jasper was the only man you loved; the only man you needed. If he was the light, you were his shadow. If you were the night, he was the star that made it brighter.

“Y/N, this is really important,” your sister said, bending down on her knees to get closer to you. “What happened while you were gone?” Behind her Zacarias stood looking very concerned, his hand on her shoulder.

You shook your head, trying to find a way to say the words. “It was him, and we were. . .back in the past.”

Jasper’s jaw clenched and he looked towards the ceiling. If he were human, you could tell he would be crying by now.

“He’s got a witch on his side,” Zacarias confirmed, crossing his arms. “And whoever it is, they must be good. It’s hard to make telepathic communications for more than a few moments at a time, especially from such a far distance.”

“Then what can we do?” Peter asked, looking at the Cullens in desperation. “These witches. . .we’ve never faced anything like them before. And the newborn armies will still be coming on top of that.”

Ava massaged the palm of your hand comfortingly, slowly, your energy began to come back. But Jasper still would not let you move.

“Witches are not infallible. It looks like he’s only got one on his side—maybe two if he’s lucky. As long as they’re at a far enough distance, well protected by the armies, they can do much damage to any specific target. The concentration that’s needed for combat is ridiculously difficult, and they can only focus on a few people at once. But that’s why Zach and I are here. We can hold off their attacks while you guys take care of the armies.”

Jasper finally spoke up, shifting you so that you were held firmly in his embrace. “We’ve got just a week-and-a-half to get in tip-top shape and make things right. I don’t care what I have to do, Ava, I won’t let Y/N get hurt. I would die if it meant her freedom, and if it that’s what it takes to end this all, then don’t hesitate to sacrifice me for the greatest cause—”

“No!” you objected. “If you die, I’m dying with you! I don’t want to be in this world without you, Jasper. It wouldn’t even be a life anymore! Please don’t say that, please don’t leave me alone!”

Carlisle kindly ushered the guests to the door, and left the two of you alone in the house.

“Your happiness is my only priority. And if you want to be with him. . .then you should,” he whispered painfully. “I deserve to pay for the suffering and heart I’ve caused others. I could’ve sent Preston away with the others when we were leaving that fateful night. He didn’t have to die, as I did.”

“You didn’t die,” you insisted. “It was the first stage of your metamorphosis. He died that night. He could never get over what he’d lost then and even now. That’s not your fault. He could choose to be happy, but yet he only desires the suffering over others. He told me he didn’t care about my happiness but you—”

You didn’t have to finish your statement, the both of you knew in your hearts.

“I love you so much, baby!” you sobbed, clinging onto his shirt desperately. “I don’t want him, or any of the life we had before. You are my now, and you are my future.”

He buried his face into your shoulder, rocking you on the cold living room floor.

“And I love you too, darlin’. I love you so much.”

The truth is guys, I haven’t posted in a while because I’ve been so depressed lately. This world is so evil, and I just feel like how can I post when they are literally people protesting in the streets, people dying, and the world in chaos??

Anyway, fanfiction is an escape these days. It always had been, now moreso than ever. I know I’m just an amateur, but if I can make someone forget their worries for even five minutes, I’m honored.

Stay safe, mah bois.

Part Five Part Six Part Eight

#jasper hale #jasper hale imagines #jasper hale x reader #twilight x reader #twilight #twilight imagines #twilight scenarios #carlisle cullen #edward cullen #emmett cullen #esme cullen #alice cullen #rosalie cullen #stay safe

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xxgoblin-dumplingxx · 4 years

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Just Say the Word: Seventeen

In the aftermath of Winifred’s revelation, Colin was silent for a long time. Calling on years of training. Grappling with everything he knew about dealing with a crisis.

But it was different when it was your life up ended. Your house on fire. Your Fiance in mortal peril. He took in the woman in front of him. Middle age. Maybe 50′s. Maybe a decade older than him. Steel Gray hair. Piercing blue eyes. Red cardigan with patches at the elbows and tortoise shell buttons. She looked formidable really. Even though Colin knew he was at least a foot taller than her and was 50 pound heavier, at least.

But something about her was comforting. In ways his mom never was, with her whispy voice and careful coiffiture that mustn’t be mussed. Not one hair out of place. Never dirty. Never tired. Never harsh. More illusion and vodka than mother.

“So, Natasha sent my competition’s mom?” he said smiling wryly, but stepping aside to let her inside.

“Looks that way,” she said, exhaling slowly, “She also thought you might need a nurse.”

At Colin’s look of surprise, she smiled, “Coming up on 25 years at county general but I cut my teeth at the old psych hospital in Georgette.”

“Impressive,” he said, “Tea?”

“Thank you.”

Colin nodded and lead her down the hall to the kitchen. Or started to. Her quiet, efficient, footfalls stopped in front of the wall. The impromptu Gallery Colin had set up, putting your paintings up where guests could admire them. And he watched out of the corner of his eye as she reached out, almost like she wanted to touch them. A mix of emotions on her face.

He stayed quiet, at least for a while. filling the kettle and getting down your favorite red teapot. And just watched.

This woman knew you. A different version of you. And as hesitant as Colin was to give her anything Bucky might be able to use to steal you. She. Knew. You. Things about you that he’d never known. And never would know if he didn’t ask.

“Sorry,” Winnifred said, taking a seat at the table, “I haven’t seen any of her new work.”

“New?”

She nodded, “Y/N used to make extra scratch doing commissions for people,” she explained, “That’s part of how Bucky bought his first bar. She did a mural for the city hall and took the money and gave it to him for a down payment.”

Colin nodded, digesting that information and poured boiling water into the kettle, “She must have really believed in him,” he said after a moment.

“He made her a lot of promises,” Winnifred said nodding, watching Colin set out the tea things that you had insisted he buy.

“And I take it he didn’t keep them?”

Winnifred sighed, “Not all of them.”

Colin took a seat, admiring the tea set. At the time, he’d bought it for you to indulge your whim. You’d seen it in a little boutique that solid hand made, artisan things. You’d looked at it with this look of just abject admiration. And longing. Then taken a shy glance at the price tag and... it had actually hurt when the light left your face. He’d wanted to indulge you. Give it to you as a gift. He’d have liked your first little gift to be jewelry. Or a pair of red bottoms. Something that said luxury. But he knew, as soon as you took the ribbon from the box. The second he came home to you curled in your chair with a cup of tea and a new book, that he’d made the right choice.

As the silence stretches out, the tea steeps. And Colin can feel the questions multiplying. Racing around in his brain.

“Who has her?” Colin asked. One question. A start.

“I don’t know,” Winnifred admitted, “Bucky tends to keep information on a need to know basis.”

“Do we know how bad her injuries might be?”

“Bad enough that I was told to bring medical supplies but... If It gets too bad, we’re calling an ambulance, orders be damned.” Winnifred said

“Orders?”

“In the gang,” Winnifred explained, “Bucky is top dog. Everyone answers to Bucky.”

“Except you?”

“And Y/N, once upon a time,” she said nodding.

“What about now?” Colin asked, pouring a cup of tea.

Winnifred took the cup he offered with a smile of thanks and gave him a look he thought might have been pity, “Darlin’ with or without Bucky, her word is as good as law... Not much is ever going to change that.”

Colin sighed, “I’m never going to be able to keep her, am I?”

Winnifred patted his hand, “Give yourself some credit,” she said bracingly, “All Bucky got was a make out. It was your house she told the cab to take her to.”

He took a sip of his tea and nodded, absorbing that. He had no idea why his romantic rivals mother would take the time to comfort him. But, he appreciated it. The nerves that had tied his insides into Jacob’s ladders unsnarled just a fraction.

“Tell me about her?” he murmured.

Winnifred cocked her head and Colin exhaled slowly, “I want to know who she is when she’s not being who she thinks I want her to be. Who is she when she’s home?”

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randoblog101 · 4 years

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Dont tell me "she's your mom, she loves you".

Dont tell me "but she's your mom".

Dont tell me "she's your mom, you only have one".

Just dont. You dont understand and you never fucking will. Maybe she does fucking love me. But she sure in hell has a shit way of showing. She has oppressed me. She has made me feel worthless and useless. She has used me so many times for money, for people to feel sorry for her, to get out of work, for her own mental health while she made mine go further into shit.

"She just doesnt know how to help you."

Really? She hasn't even tried. Forced me on medication without even getting me officially diagnosed by a doctor with what is wrong with me. Never once talked to me about anything involving my mental health. Made me stay home alone nights on end. Stay in home with no food because her drugs were more important. She constantly broke promises to me, and then made me feel like it was my fault. I had to talk her out of suicide at the age of 9 years old, and I have done it a hand full of times after that growing up. She has abandoned me for drugs. Abandoned me for men. I ask for anything at all, which is once in a blue moon, and I made to feel like a spoiled little brat who always asks for things constantly. Blames me for when she is broke. Makes me feel like her shitty life is my fault. I try to talk to her about anything, she does nothing but pushes me until I get pissed about something or someone and I fuck it up. She never listens. I constantly took care of her, when she was depressed, when she was too high to get out of bed, when she was too exhausted from days on end staying wake because of "work". I constantly cleaned and tried to cook dinners when I could. Not once did I get a thank you. When I'd ask for one she would tear me down and make me feel so stupid because to her she either already thanked me or goes on about all the shit she does that never get thanked. Like okay? You want me to thank you for working a job so you can have a roof over your head? You want me to thank you for working, when I was 14 and wasnt able to get a job? You wanted a thank you for the shit you do when you barely do anything more than what you have to? You want me to thank you for buying groceries that you also fucking need? You want me to thank you for the times I paid the bills and bought groceries with my own birthday money that you swore youd pay me back for? You want me to thank you for all the times you got me to take pills I didnt want because I was having a panic attack or I was in a little bit of pain? You want me to thank you for giving birth to me? You want me to thank you for getting many many people to hate me? You want me to thank you for manipulating and emotionally/mentally abuse me for my entire life?

"I brought you into this world, I can take you out."

Fuck you. Using threats and making me feel completely worthless and like a fuck up when I did something wrong. Like children do. Making me grow up fast as hell because you actually had no fucking clue how to raise a kid. Constantly telling me everything that makes me me is all coming from you through genetics; so I constantly fel as though I was nothing or no body. I'm sick and tired of people telling me I should keep her in my life because she is my mother.

Do you know how many actual memories I have of my mother before the age of 6? None. But I sure in hell have a shit tom of other memories of other people tho. Do you know how many memories I have of my mother from my childhood that are actually pretty fucked up and sad? Every single one of them.

How come everyone is telling me to keep this woman in life because she is my mother; but when it comes to the man who is suppose to be my father everyone is cool with me kicking him out of my life? They are both said to be my parents, so why is it okay for one to be gone but the other I made to feel like I'm nothing unless I have her in my life? Why? Because she gave birth to me?

Kids who get adopted have a mother who gave birth to them but no one expects them to stay in each others life once they are grown.

I may not be legally an orphan, but I was made to feel that way everyday my whole life. So why should it change now because I want out? SHE HASNT EVEN SAID SORRY FOR ANYTHING! Not a sorry for kicking us out. Not a sorry for thinking about making us homeless. Not a sorry for abusing my fiance and me while we lived under her roof. Not a sorry for all the times she fucked up my life growing up. Not sorry for the way she missed treated me. Not even a sympathetic sorry for any of the times her "sister" screamed at us, threatened us, and completely made us feel like complete scum of the earth for literally nothing, no reason. Not a sympathetic sorry for when she found out I was forced to live with my aunt and uncle. She could've went to court then and got me to live with her, like she claimed my whole life is what she wanted for me; but she didnt. No she waited until my father dragged me back to his house, banning me from seeing anyone in his family, then getting tired of me, is when she swooped in and took me to live with her.

I have alters because of her, and she doesnt even want to acknowledge I battle with depression and anxiety unless she can use it to her advantage, let alone believe I have had so much trauma that she has played a hand in that has caused me to have people live in my head that come out and deal with shit too. One loves her more than I ever did, and she treats me as though he is dust in the wind. But it's okay, because she is my mother right? That gives her every-fucking-reason to abuse me, manipulate me, to abandon me and come back like nothing happened, use me, throw me away like I'm nothing, mistreat everyone I have ever cared about let get close to me and my so called family.

It is fucking obvious that my life is better without her in it and yet everyone wants me to let her back in.

I'm still dealing with pain, trauma, anger, sadness, that was caused from her. And you want me to brush it off like its sand on my clothes? Why because she is my mother? Right.....

#mother rant #abuse #trauma #toxic parents #toxic father #toxic mother #personal #corey #jaxon #stop telling people that they should have toxic abusive people in their lives because they are a blood relative #stop telling people to have toxic and abuse people in their lives because its their parent #stop

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swiftiemcdibbles · 4 years

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Where have I been?

Hey guys! I know it's been a while since I've made, posted anything on here. ((I did FINALLY start a @taylorswift fan based Instagram, it's the same handle, SwiftieMcDibbles, but even that was very recent)) So, not like anyone cares, here's a life update I guess.

I DID have to end up selling my Lover Fest West tickets, and cried about it in the dark for a couple of nights. I feel like I broke a promise to my son, I did explain why to him and since he is the most understanding, sweet boy he was a little disappointed but understood. I have full faith I will take him to see her live one day. It is crushing though to know that because of financial problems I couldn't deliver, I knew we couldn't afford a trip from South Carolina to California, with hotel costs, food, etc. So I had to do it. And that's that. And no, I did not make any money off of them, I sold them at the price I bought them, I can't believe people think its normal to buy tickets for a couple hundred dollars and then re-sell them for THOUSANDS literally, it's kind of gross so just don't do it.

So when my fiance was deployed, about 4 months in we decided for me to stop working. I've gone back to school to become a lawyer and between that and suddenly being a "single mom", while he was gone, was just too much. I have, yes I've been diagnosed for years now, Socialized Anxiety Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder and Bipolar 1(which is WAY different than Bipolar that people think they know). On top of that, my other illness is also an invisible one and that is Rhuematoid Arthritis, which is an autoimmune disease/deficiency. So A LOT of my days are filled with pain and worry and panic. I take my medications as well as natural remedies but it can only do so much, there is no cure. As I've gotten older, I'm 33, the Rhuematoid keeps getting worse. I'm quarantined now, because my immune system is at risk with the Coronavirus. So, since mid March, I've been at home with a Kindergartner, trying to home school and stay healthy. I'm extremely concerned about Coronavirus, and that people are not taking this seriously. I wish it would not be compared to other viruses or illnesses, but it is. Please, I beg you stay home. If you stay home, you're not spreading it. And you could save lives.

The real kicker in this too, is RIGHT before this pandemic, back in February it became apparent I needed to go back to work. My fiance made more while overseas, which is why I stopped working. And it was always just until he got home and settled. I was AGGRESSIVELY looking for a job in my field, then started looking for any job. It then became clear that COVID-19 was more serious than initially thought so guess what? No one is hiring. Bills are piling up, and accounts are dwindling. I've had to ask my parents for help a lot and they have when they could but they are feeling this economy as well.

So now, I'm cleaning houses when I can and doing anything to get through. Probably start selling some stuff soon. It's really rough right now, but we will pull through. All of us will. My son's birthday was March 26th and thank God we bought stuff for him over time so that we weren't having to spend money we don't have for him to have a good birthday. However, his party was set for tomorrow. At a local lake that has a big park and two big docks to fish off of, because he wanted a Marvel vs. DC fishing party(the mind of a then 5 year old boy is always wonderous). So yet again, he had to be told something we planned for was either postponed or not gonna happen. Once again, he's fine, so resilient. I hope it's just postponed because its paid for and with all the parks closed I can't get in contact with anyone there to see what the deal is. We could use that money!

So yeah, life is rough. I'm homeschooling my son while taking courses online myself. I'm going stir crazy, my depression is pretty bad at the moment. I just feel like I'm not holding up my side of things. All the financial burden is on my fiance and I feel terrible for that. He's considering selling his truck, that he JUST got in January because he NEEDED a new car, well it's a 2012 but new to us. I will literally die before I let him do that, this man works so hard. He's National Guard so he works a civilian job and then has to drill. The way his schedule works is he is LUCKY to get 2 SATURDAYS a month off, and that's it. So of course, I feel worthless which makes all the mental health issues I have way worse.

So yup, that's where I've been. In a dark place I'm really hoping will lighten up soon.

I truly hope everyone is doing ok. I know times are scary and hard but just be patient and do what your leaders are telling you to do as far as the Coronavirus is concerned. Love you guys! If you get too down, just throw on a Taylor album and escape for a minute, it's what has helped me.

@taylorswift you are an inspiration right now, and all the time. What you're doing to help those in need is remarkable and you have stayed the epitome of class throughout the entire past 4 years when basically half the world thought you were a liar. And instead of rejoicing in your victory, you took the spotlight away from that call and put in on The World Health Organization. Way to go! Hope your anxieties are not too bad right now, hope your Mom is doing well, everyone else too. Ok, I'm done now lol.

#taylor swift #swifties #taylurking #swiftie4life #swiftie4ever #taylornation #taylorlurking #lover #coronavirus #quarantined #immune deficiency #rhuematoidarthritis #national guard #support the troops #taylor was telling the truth #we stand with taylor #taylor was right all along #life update

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anonymous-wolf22 · 4 years

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Fuck Yeah

1: Name Kai

2: Age 22

3: 3 Fears Fiance leaving me, never meeting him face-to-face, being alone with my thoughts

4: 3 things I love My fiance, food/desserts, and animals ^^

5: 4 turns on Hell, anything my fiance says to me, forced to submit, pain, and just looking at my fiance

6: 4 turns off Talking bout my parents, my current life situation, thinking about a certain asshole, and my depressing thoughts seeping through

7: My best friend That one’s hard.... It’s a tie between David and Kiana, though I’m leaning more towards David

8: Sexual orientation Bi-sexual <3

9: My best first date What first date?

10: How tall am I 5.1 ft :’(

11: What do I miss Triple Chocolate Fudge Cake

12: What time were I born 1:03 pm

13: Favorite color Black, Red, Purple, and Blue

14: Do I have a crush Yep :)

15: Favorite quote I got lots

“It’s funny how someone can break your heart and you still love them with all the tiny pieces”

“I choose you. And I’ll choose you, over and over. Without pause, without a doubt, in a heartbeat. I’ll keep choosing you”

“The demons are back and stronger than ever. They are looking for a fight, looking to win, and this time, I might just let them.....”

16: Favorite place Does in my fiances arms count if I haven’t been there yet?

17: Favorite food They are all number 1 <3

18: Do I use sarcasm Sometimes

19: What am I listening to right now Criminal by Britney Spears

20: First thing I notice in new person Hmm, the way they act, their personality~

21: Shoe size Fuck, idk lmao

22: Eye color Blue

23: Hair color Dirty-Blonde (Wish it was black)

24: Favorite style of clothing I don’t know, I guess loose and comfy

25: Ever done a prank call? Can’t remember

27: Meaning behind my URL Don’t have one

28: Favorite movie Fuck, uhhhh..... Deadpool 1&2 for now~

29: Favorite song Lot’s, Baby Don’t Cut - Bmike, Anxiety - Blackbear, Hold On - Chord Overstreet, and more fucking depressing songs <3

30: Favorite band Hmmm.... Ramstein

31: How I feel right now Eh, depressed, loved, horny, sad, upset, happy, it’s all jumbled up

32: Someone I love My fiance~

33: My current relationship status Engaged <3 <3

34: My relationship with my parents I wouldn’t care if they died, not going to lie, I would do it if there were no consequences

35: Favorite holiday Halloween ;o

36: Tattoos and piercing i have Sadly, no tats yet. Only piercings I have so far, are my ears

37: Tattoos and piercing i want Tattoo: A knife going through a skull with chains loosely wrapped around it Piercing: The tip of my ears

38: The reason I joined Tumblr My fiance told me about it, and it was an easier way for us to chat with each other and send each other all of the dirty little naughty things we want~

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? I don’t know if he hates me, but I don’t know if I hate him, I’m just fucked up and confused

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? Sometimes

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? Nope, but I hope to soon~

42: When did I last hold hands? Hold hands? I think that was in 8th grade when my friend Kiana was dragging me away from the bullies

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? Like 5-10 minutes

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? Yep

45: Where am I right now? In my cursed room

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? Depends, where am I? In England, my fiance. Here? I don’t know, Kiana

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Depends on the type of music playing, and also what it’s playing from, like headphones.

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Unfortunately

49: Am I excited for anything? 2024 :3

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Yep

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Honestly? 97% of the time

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? I don’t know, uhmmm..... think it was in 11th grade

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? Well, that’s a hard one, cause I have yet to kiss anyone. But, say if it was my fiance, I would slap the shit out of whoever he is kissing, and probably shove a stick up their @$$

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? ....

55: What is something I disliked about today? No chocolate

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? My fiance, I just want him in front of me and to hug him and never let go~

57: What do I think about most? 2024, Desserts, Fiance, Music, Pets, unfortunately, John

58: What’s my strangest talent? Uhhh.... Don’t really have any, I guess hiding how I truly feel inside

59: Do I have any strange phobias? Is being deathly afraid of ants a strange phobia?

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind, 100%

61: What was the last lie I told? That I was fine

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? I don’t know, they both seem a bit weird to me

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Ghosts, yes. Aliens? I don’t know

64: Do I believe in magic? Who knows

65: Do I believe in luck? Sometimes

66: What’s the weather like right now? Clear

67: What was the last book I’ve read? A fan-fiction of RWBY

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? Yesssss

69: Do I have any nicknames? K

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? My arm twisting completely around

71: Do I spend money or save it? Save

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? Nope :(

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? Eww, fuck noooo

74: Favorite animal? Entire Cat family and wolves

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? Watching “Love 020″ on Netflix

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? Hmmm.... I have no clue, never really thought about it

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Lots, but, definitely this one: Dream of You - Camila Cabello and Battle Scars - Lupe Fiasco

78: How can you win my heart? Be mindful of how I truly feel, care for me like no one ever has, be a dominant

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? "I had so many battle scars from my war, but my love healed them away~”

80: What is my favorite word? Chocolate

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr @thelonewolf84 @we-are-beautiful-s0uls @britishdom

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? I don’t give a fuck what you think about who I love

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Yeah, my bio-father

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Invisibility

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? What my thoughts are about my ex or how I feel towards him or what I would say if I was allowed the chance to ask him 1 thing

86: What is my current desktop picture? I have it on shuffle, but currently it’s on a picture of an anime boy playing the piano in the rain

87: Had sex? Not yet ;)

88: Bought condoms? Nope

89: Gotten pregnant? Do I seriously need to answer that?

90: Failed a class? Yes.... I think

91: Kissed a boy? Not yet ;)

92: Kissed a girl? Nope

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Haven’t kissed anyone!!! Omg

94: Had job? Not yet

95: Left the house without my wallet? What wallet?

96: Bullied someone on the internet? Fuck no!

97: Had sex in public? -sigh-

98: Played on a sports team? Yep, soccer and baseball when I was 8-11

99: Smoked weed? Nope

100: Did drugs? Nope

101: Smoked cigarettes? Almost

102: Drank alcohol? Mhm

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? Fuck no! I want my bacon and kielbasa!!!

104: Been overweight? Nope

105: Been underweight? Currently am

106: Been to a wedding? Yep, my aunts

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Yes lol, longer

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Yes lol, longer

109: Been outside my home country? Not yet

110: Gotten my heart broken? ....yes.....

111: Been to a professional sports game? I...think so....?

112: Broken a bone? Many, many times. I was very clumsy in my teens, I still am but have yet to break any bones so far

113: Cut myself? Yes and yes, to both ways

114: Been to prom? No, skipped it

115: Been in airplane? -shivers- Too scared to be in one, but I will have to when I go to England

116: Fly by helicopter? Nope

117: What concerts have I been to? None

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? Yep

119: Learned another language? Mhm, spanish

120: Wore make up? No

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? Still a virgin.....

122: Had oral sex? Nope

123: Dyed my hair? Want to

124: Voted in a presidential election? Nope, fuck politics

125: Rode in an ambulance? Yep

126: Had a surgery? Mhm

127: Met someone famous? Nope

128: Stalked someone on a social network? Hehe....yeah lol

129: Peed outside? I don’t remember if I have or have not

130: Been fishing? Yes... My instructor ate the worms ;-;

131: Helped with charity? Yep ^^

132: Been rejected by a crush? Yep

133: Broken a mirror? Yeah

134: What do I want for birthday? Depends, which birthday? This year, Triple Chocolate Fudge cake. 2024, to be in my fiance’s arms~

#took to long #it was awesome though #love surveys #and my fiance #more of me #surveys #depressed #i got insomnia #love yall

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little-dragon-stories · 5 years

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Before I leave Part 10

Don’t touch my neck

A fake Text and scenarios serie featuring Kwon Jiyong himself.

After your sister died, you decided to move in Korea to get close to your niece and nephew. That’s where you meet Kwon Jiyong, get to work for him and start to believe hapiness is possible again…

Warning: nothing so bad in this part... except endless pain!

W/C 2690

You have agreed to go shopping only to buy an evening gown since there will be a chic evening, that’s all you ever agreed for. You still don’t understand how you ended up in your hotel room, bed covered by the most beautiful dresses and clothing you have ever had in your life. How much money did he spend on you? You have no idea and you feel dizzy just thinking about it.

After the saleswoman took your measurements he was choosing dresses, clothes and accessories for you.

«Jiyong, I don’t need new pants, you don’t have to buy me any, I have pants»

«I know but I want to treat you, all the woman I know loves to have new clothes, don’t you?»

«That’s beside the point, I don’t want you to spend your money on me. Please oppa, stop it»

«If you don’t want me to spent too much money, you better choose between what I am showing you, otherwise, I will buy them all and you will have to chose at home… Then I will have spend too much money for no reason»

He was unstoppable.

«Look at that dress, it will suits you so well. Oh, those sportswear will be perfect to go for a little walk in the mountain. This bathing suit will be perfect on you. See that skirt? Will match perfectly the shirt we just bought.».

You have to say, everything he was personally choosing for you ended up being perfect for your silhouette. A little voice in your head was telling you that maybe he is buying all this so he won’t be ashamed to present you to his family. That’s why you let him win. He never implied this in any way though, but that doesn’t mean he think any less.

While you were shopping, Jiyong has announced you that the weekend would start thursday night (the day after) until sunday in the evening, that there will be a chic dinner on friday night followed by a dancing evening. For the rest, just quality time with his enlarge family until sunday.

Since you are in an hotel room for a few days, he even brought everything in is house and washed it for you (probably made somebody do it) and just brought it back to you a few hours later, clean and smelling like Jiyong’s clothes.

«Coming to get you tomorrow morning, we’ll eat something on the road. See you tomorrow baby» he said winking and he kissed your cheeks before he leaved.

You hit the road the day after as he told you. He wanted to drive himself to Jeju so together, you crossed Korea from north to south, stopping to eat and rest for time to time. You sang along with him in the car, you had nice and long talk about his and your family, friends and work, he talked a lot about his fans and the way he compose his songs, what influence his music. You were having such a good time, before you could realise it, you were on the boat for the island. After a few hours of traveling, here you are in Jejudo, apparently his favorite place on earth.

The moment you entered in the lobby the hotel run by his parents, you can feel Jiyong’s body tensing. He looked at you and you could see in his eyes he was nervous.

You came close to his ear so nobody could hear you say:

“Jiyong oppa, are you scare they won’t believe us, it’s ok Ji, we will make it work”

“No, that’s not it y/n. I am scare that from now on, you might look at me differently and see me through my mom’s eyes”

You didn’t had the time to asked him what he mean by that, a mature woman was coming your way with a fake smile on her face. You don’t know her, you never saw her in your life but first time your eyes met, you considered her hypocrite and fake.

“Hello my son, you finally came to visit your mother again. That’s a very good thing, I was about to sent you an official invitation”

“Mother” and he bows to her. You follow his gestured and bow yourself.

“Oh, a westerner with manners, I never thought that day would come”

She laughed as she made the most funny joke in the entire universe. You really don’t know how to react in front of her so by reflex, you turned around to see how Jiyong were reacting.

“Mother, my fiance. Y/n, my mom”

Fiance? He never said anything about being fiance.

“I am glad to meet you” you said, bowing again.

“The pleasure is mine young lady. I hope you won’t mind if I don’t get to know you better before a few months, my son had a lot of girlfriends and if I would have lost my time on all of them, we could count in years the time I lost»

“Mother, y/n is the first girlfriend I introduced you to»

“I know, that’s what I am saying. I don’t want to lose my time on them, they come and go, this one will disappear as well, fiance or not”.

You hate this woman with all the cells in your body. To show your support to Jiyong, so he can understand you don’t think a word that she is saying to be true, you get closer to him and took his hand in yours before saying:

“That’s all right. We might wait a year or two, I won’t be insulted, don’t worry”.

She didn’t even took the time to answer you and turned towards Jiyong.

«Son, thanks for covering the tattoos on your arms with longs sleeves. You might also wear a turtleneck tonight, at the table so you can cover that horrible angel on your neck».

«I will consider your opinion mother, y/n come with me, we will go settle down in our room».

Our room.

Of course, you will have to sleep in the same room than him, even though you secretly hoped that his parents will be old-fashioned and forbid you to do so.

As you were about to leave the lobby and go, a smiling old lady and a beautiful young woman who stand arm in arm came to Jiyong and you smiling brightly:

«Halmoeni»

Jiyong take her in his arms as she smiles even brighter as they stayed in each other’s arms for a few moments.

«My favorite grandson, you are so beautiful» she says, cupping Jiyong’s cheeks.

«Halmoni, Noona, I want to present you somebody very precious to me. Here’s y/n, the love of my life, y/n my grand-mother and my sister».

You understood very quickly that with his grandmother and probably with the rest of the family, the conversation will have to be in korean. Gathering your courage, you came close to her and said:

«It’s an honor to meet you, Jiyong talked a lot about the both of you»

«The honor is mine, this is the first time ever my Jiyong brings a girl at home, except for that girl on second grade».

His grandmother took you in her arms and you could see why Ji loves her so much. She is a loveable person, she is welcoming and most of all, when she looks at Jiyong and his sister, there is a lot of love in her eyes, she is proud of them. From your point of view, she is the complete opposite than Jiyong’s mother.

«Halmoeni, we will go settle down in the room and come back to talk to you a little later, there is a lot of things we need to talk about»

«Yes my beautiful Jiyong, let me an hour or two, I need to take a nap. Then I will be all yours for the rest of the day»

He kissed his grand mother and sister on the cheeks, grabbed your hand softly and brought you to your shared room.

You did not imagine anything about this room to be honest. The only thing you know is that this room is intended for its exclusive use but you could tell the second you entered it, he didn’t decorated himself. Everything was pretty, chic and luxurious. It was an amazing room but it was not his signature.

“Jiyong, can you please tell me what’s going on in your mom’s mind? Is she always like that?”

“I am sorry y/n, I had no idea she would be so unpleasant to you»

“God, I understand why you never introduced your girlfriends to her, she could have destroyed your girls in a blink of an eye with her mean words”.

“The truth is, I never loved anybody enough to bring her here, it was not because of my mom. I didn’t want to share this intimacy with anyone before”.

“Ji, you don’t have to act, we are alone here”

“I know we are. But we are friends remember? I am happy to share that intimacy with you. My members came also, they had a lot fun with halmoeni”

“She is loveable. I can see she loves you and your sister so much. If you are such an affectionate person, I think it’s because of her, you certainly didn’t get it from your mom”

“You are right, I had a lot of love by my grandmother and my noona. They were taking care of me more than my own mom”.

“Ji, I am glad you brought me here. Not only because I had nothing better to do but also, because I will get to know you better. But I have to tell you… I am really scared to spend 3 nights in the same bed thanyou. I am petrified”.

“I appreciate your honesty. What is scaring you? You are not scare of me, are you”?

“I… well… it’s….Ji! I don’t really know! Now that I am here facing the bed, I don’t know if I can do it anymore”.

He came closer to you and gently placed his hands on your shoulders caressing your neck with his thumbs.

“Y/n, you know I will never do anything to hurt you, of course you know that, otherwise you wouldn’t be here”

With both of your hands, you abruptly took his hands off of you.

“Jiyong, please, don’t touch my neck. I can’t breath when people touch my neck.”

He looked at you with a concerned face.

“Is this related to the forbidden subject?”

You don’t want to lie to him so you just nod silently, not giving him any more detail.

“Y/n, I know you trust me, I have nothing to do with the man who hurts you. May I run a little test? May I try something?”

“I am not sure, what’s on your mind?”

“What part of your neck do you hate the most when people touch”

“Throat, my throat, nobody touches it, I don’t want you to touch it either”

“I promise you that from now on, I will never touch it without permission. Pinky promise”

You smiled at his words.

“What about the side of your neck? Or the back?”

“Ji, just spit it please….”

“I want to touch you there, on the back of your neck. There is nothing dangerous in the back, right? I can’t strangle you or anything… Can you please let me demonstrate something to you? The second you say stop, I will freeze!”

You are being curious of his idea to be honest. Jiyong is so kind, you really doubt he could hurt you, at least physically.

“Ok, but if I say stop, you stop”

“Pinky promess”

You are curious of what is on his mind. But also petrified even though you trust him.

“Y/n, I want you to close your eyes, and tell me when you are ready”

“Ji, I won’t be able to close my eyes if I know you want to touch my neck. Do you understand I almost died for real last time somebody touched it? I am too scared to close my eyes”.

«Nobody touched you there since then? What about your ex-boyfriend?»

«I just said nobody touched my neck in years, I didn’t let anybody do it. Emma and Leo, they wanted to put their little arms around it but I didn’t let them».

“Very good, now that I think about it, it’s even better if you keep your eyes open. You will look at me in the eyes, so that way, you will associate the sensation with me. Ready?”

You answered yes but at the same time you took a step back. He smiled at your hesitation and filled the void between you, reaching his hands out to place his fingers flat on the skin behind your neck, not moving them at all.

“Y/n, it’ me. Look into my eyes, it’s me. You are safe, nobody will hurt you here. See, the touch is not dangerous itself, it’s not hurting you, i am sure it will actually be a nice and sweet caress”

Saying that, he brushes his fingertips, one at the time on your skin, leaving you with a delightful sensation.

“I won’t touch you anywhere else, you don’t have to be scared of me at all. You are safe. How is that? How do you feel?”

You don’t know how you feel to be honest. You are still nervous and uncomfortable but at the same time, you like the sensation on your skin. It’s a new sensation and if you really think about it , it’s one of the most soothing sensation you ever felted. As usual, when you are looking for an answer, you closed your eyes to be able to concentrate on the physical sensation only. You don’t even noticed that you closed your eyes but Jiyong did and he felt like he had won the most prestigious price on earth: your trust.

“I don’t know Ji, I am discovering new sensations.”

“But it’s not uncomfortable or hurting you”?

You smiled and told him no.

“You want me to go a little more on the side now? Maybe behind or under your ears”?

You opened your eyes and nod silently.

He brought his hands on the side of your head but you panicked and asked him to stop right away. He froze instantly when you asked him, taking his hands off your neck to take yours and tighten them.

“I am so proud of you”

«Kwon Jiyong, please don’t talk to me like that, I am not 2 years old you know»

You are so ashamed of yourself… so ashamed that you cannot be like anybody else. Ashamed that you are incapable to act normally, even just pretend to be normal.

“Ji, I am sorry I snapped at you. It’s just, I know I am not an easy person to be with. I am ashamed of myself. I sometimes wish I had died that day, at least I would have stopped suffering right away. Why do I have to be hurted like this, years later oppa? Why?”

You can’t help it, you started to cry and Jiyong made a move to take you in his arms but you stopped him.

«Ji, don’t touch me please. Just don’t. I need to be alone a litte. May I use the bathroom, I might need a shower to calm down»

At this point of your relation, Jiyong knows you enough to know you really mean it when you said you need to be alone. He doesn’t want to leave you like that but he knows it’s the only way for you to calm down.

«Of course, take all the time you need. You want me to get out of the room?»

You can see, he is panicking.

«To be honest, it would be better, but I can’t ask you this…»

«It’s ok, I will go talk with Noona, I will come back in an hour or so. Ok love? You will be ok?»

After you assure him you would be, he went out of the room and you collapse in a corner of the room, crying with your head in your hands.

#gdragon fake texts #gdragon #gdragon x reader #gdragon serie #gdragon scenario #kwon jiyong #kwon jiyong angst #kwon leader #kwon jiyong fluff

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bluedoodles · 5 years

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If its important to you then don't let anyone stop you

I just felt I should tell a little about myself and what I've found out recently.

(Warning: long post)

Growing up my life has always been work. I lived on a farm so it's no surprise, my dad and my step mom were trying to get their business going and we had a lot of hard times. With not a lot of money they couldn't afford to hire others and definitely couldn't do it all their selves. That's where my step sister and I came in.

They understood we were kids and had school and other things to worry about so that came first. But we worked almost every day. Not anything hard, but it was time consuming and didn't leave much time to do anything else.

I love art. If you couldn't tell by my blog its something I greatly enjoy. But with how busy I always was I never got much time to do it. It's not that they didn't support it, my dad even bought me my first drawing tablet, but i always felt like he thought it was a waste of time. You can't make a career out of art, it doesn't make good money. Unless you're really good that is.

I was always afraid I would get yelled at for drawing because there were other things that needed to be done. More productive things. Instead of sitting on my computer all day doodling, I could be doing chores early or working.

It wasn't until I started doing commissions that I felt proud of my art. I would tell him "hey I got a $20 commission! " and he seemed like "wow cool art isnt as useless as I thought" but never seemed overly proud.

Years have gone on and my art has had its ups and downs and all this time I have been working as much as I can with art on the side. I'm engaged and my fiance supports my passion. I want to get better. I want to learn more and continue to do commissions. But I get so worn out between work and life that art doesn't happen often.

I want a change. My fiance and I have decided to move to Oregon near my mom and sister (that's where I get my skills from, everyone on that side of the family has some sort of artistic skill. Whether it be dance, painting, designing, ect) and focus more on art. I know my family down there would more than support it and I want to have that opportunity.

Well I was afraid to tell my dad. I've lived with him 90% of my life and he is always there for me. He even bought me an $800 wacom cintiq pro for Christmas. After working up the courage I told him our plans and I could tell he was sad but proud.

He didn't want to see me leave, especially when its 6 hours away for him to see me. But seeing that I'm trying to be independent and taking control of my life is enough to make him be okay with it.

I found out that he is very happy with my art skills. He brags to people that I sell my art and is very proud. He even told my fiance that he knows he doesn't say it enough to me but he truly is proud of what I do.

I love my dad and I would do anything for him. I hope to one day take over the family business that I've worked for all my life. But I need a break. I need time to follow my passion for art and for once in my life not be consumed by work.

The point to me telling this story is if you are someone who has a passion that you feel doesn't matter to others, dont stop doing it. Not everyone will understand the importance it has to you. This doesn't mean to move to Oregon and stop working like I am lol my fiance will be enough to support us so I have time to do this.

But stop thinking it's a waste of time. Stop seeing it as a 'hobby' because one day it may just be your career. Or maybe not. Maybe you'll find yourself doing something else for work but can come home and have time to do that thing you love.

Just keep doing what you love. No matter what others think

#bluetalks #sorry its so long #but i needed to share #finding out how my dad actually feels about it #has changed my views a lot #all this time #i thought it was useless #just a hobby #never dreamed of making a job out of it #but now #thats what i want

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