#and my writing usually reflects that

[absolutely-not-my-main-blog]

I sincerely think if Dennis Reynolds and Jeff Winger were to makeout, it would benefit them both immensely, in fact, it’d be good for their health

#jeff winger #dennis reynolds #wait wait okay they run into each other because Jeff’s a student and Dennis is out looking for his usual college girl type he’s so set on #but like they both come to the realization that’s not what they want anymore/never what they wanted or what will make them happy #because they see reflections of themselves in each other #and after having a wild whirlwind affair or one night stand they part ways each changed by the experience #and Dennis comes home and tells Mac how he feels #and Jeff tentatively accepts the dean’s invite to a dinner or something #text #anmmbposts #and also the next time the gang needs a lawyer Dennis is like I know a guy so they don’t have to use uncle jack anymore #and Jeff takes The Lawyer completely off guard and absolutely destroys him #and Charlie gets to excitedly talk with him about bird law to which Jeff either tells him hey greendale actually has a class on that #or hey you could teach a class on that at greendale #ignore me writing my silly crossover fanfic in the tags I’m at work and the thoughts are suddenly vibing #and they become like amicable sorta exes and if they ever meet each other’s friends do you think Mac and Shirley would bond over religion? #do you think Britta and Dee would get along? #I think Charlie might have fun playing games or building forts with troy and abed they could play night crawlers together #help me my mind keeps going

[pizzaqueen]

Oh and I started writing the ace!Eddie fic I mentioned the other week. I have the first part drafted and it could stand on its own but it would be very bittersweet and that’s not entirely my jam, so I’ve planned a second part and need at least a third.

I’m just trying to reconcile how I usually write Steve with the Steve I want in this fic (sexual compatibility is very important to me so he’s not how I usually see Steve for that to work) and I’m not 100% I can make it feel right to me but fingers crossed!

#steddie #sorry I’m very chatty atm #the huge anxiety I’ve felt since the end of September has lifted and now I’m really chipper 🤣 #but yeah I personally just need fic about ace characters to be more reflective of my experience? #just because of my own hang ups I find it hard to read certain stuff in ace fic and I’m writing this to be self indulgent lol #I just don’t know if I can make this Steve feel like Steve if that makes sense #i know I never write smut but I still tend to imagine them both wanting and having sex #and usually once I latch onto a thing that’s it lmao #so this is kind of a challenge but yeah idk I don’t need to write all this lol #pizzaqueenwrites

[kelkilou]

It’s been forever...AGAIN...But Chapter 11 is now up for y’all~ With another poorly scrawled doodle on my tablet xox *Who could be in this chapter I wonder.*

Summary: Earth Sci-Fi movies leave Vye with uncertainty about her attempts to insert herself into human society. An unexpected guest pays Leonardo a visit.

Rating: Teen

A faint tutting whisped through Donatello’s teeth as he felt the need to twist his screwdriver even harder into the crevice holding his palm-top together. With everything that had happened over the past month, he hadn’t even noticed that his convenient hand-held device had stopped working, which certainly explained the lack of recent communication from Professor Honeycutt. He had some questions for the Professor regarding their recently acquainted shapeshifting friend, and typically now that he had the pressing desire to actually put the palm-top to use, he was having to fix it...

Read the full chapter:

FanFictionNet: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13626675/11/Homunculus

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24910252/chapters/138230638

DeviantArt: https://www.deviantart.com/kelkilou/art/TMNT-Homunculus-C11-E-T-V-1032651837

#tmnt fanfic #tmnt fanfiction #tmnt #tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2003 oc #tmnt 2003 fanfic #writing #fanfic #fanfiction #I will make better chapter covers one day I swear #it really doesn't reflect the quality of my usual tmnt art sob #idk why they're so sloppy

[words-after-midnight]

I think people writing self-inserts and self-indulgent pieces is awesome and a great way to create a story and explore writing. I don't think there's anything wrong with it whatsoever and I think people (especially young women) get way too much unwarranted shit for it. But discussions around so many posts about this topic so quickly turn into "when you really think about it every character is a self-insert" and/or "all writing is self-indulgent" and I'm just like... no... you had me, and now you've lost me.

#writing #ofc every creation reflects its creator in some way #but it's not always *direct* if that makes sense #i always give my characters specific (usually minor) traits that I share with them but none of them are self-inserts #i usually create or develop characters based on specific roles i want them to play #a lot of research goes into it #also my work is almost never self-indulgent (other than my poetry) it's usually about situations or questions or themes i want to explore #i just think it's useful to keep in mind that almost everything involved in writing is an individual process to an extent #like there are no universal truths in creation #different people do things differently like anything else

[goldkirk]

as I'm going back over my past history and items and journals and years, I come across all sorts of things, like the pencil I saved from that so-precious memory from second grade, and a pair of flip flops I've been missing for two years, and (tw for murder/crime/killings) the modern-high-school-AU-kidnapped-by-a-serial-killer story I wrote in late high school jdfsjdfsjkjlksfd

#i can't wait to find out what red flags I didn't see in my own self back when I last read this thing in 2015 hfdhfdhjsfd #also. there's gonna be like a good sentence here and there and then CRINGE. the whole rest of everything is just me still trying to copy th #breathing pace (essentially) and ways-of-describing-things of mainstream authors like I thought I was supposed to #so this'll be somewhat painful but also god what a joy and a gift and an honor and a delight to get to hold this close to my heart #and witness it with understanding and empathy and slow reflection and care like my past younger self deserves #i'm so lucky i'm alive to be here and do this #i'm so grateful i'm headed towards welcoming back and embracing the last little girl i was that still felt a lot of things #so excited for her focus and precision and tenacity and constant curious joy and movement to be back someday #i'm afraid people won't like the me i was before rule after rule and then dangers #but my god it'll feel so good to be the fully-flowing energy machine and dance and conduit again how will I have enough bother to care? #people who are good to each others' nervous systems cumulatively feel better and better #if i'm not good for you and yours then you really truly SHOULD go elsewhere and find someone who makes YOUR self feel right and light + war #anyway now that i wrote an essay in the tags as usual [nervous laughter] #personal #add to journal #words n rhythm #WHY DID I FEEL CAPABLE OF UNDERTAKING A STORY LIKE THIS #cradling my past self gently but also BANGING my HEAD against the WALL lmao #i'm proud of myself for writing and sharing this and its creative ideas. even if i don't like it now or feel ashamed or see mistakes. #anything. it mattered that it came to me and it mattered that i explored it and it mattered that i poured myself through it to help shape i #and it mattered that I left it on the internet so that now it still exists. i'm going to honor this story no matter what current me would #objectively think about it if it was written by anyone else. #this is a gift i give myself now. #this is a lot of what I learn and learn to do #trauma evolution #mosswrites

[cptnbeefheart]

kind of pathetic and gross that the apocalypse in tlou is an allegory for fascism's destruction of humanity and failure to ever rebuild a civilization, especially not one that provides necessary resources for its people. and then game 2 is all about how ellies revenge destroys her life. destroys and ends the lives of anyone who so much as looks in the general direction of her cruel vengeance, and her journey of recognizing hypocrisy in the logic she practices. how suffering does not make you a better person. one of the exact lessons to be learned from wwii survivors going on to colonize and genocide the nation of palestine during the nakba. and yet neil druckmann is posting this pro israel shit LATER BACKTRACKING IT TRYING TO BE “BIPARTISAN” like do u know what ur game is about . sorry im just taking it really fucking personal because it’s actually so fucking gross

#idk theres something weird about the way resistance groups in tlou are written. its like they conquer and massacre everyone inevitably #and yet in the hbo adaptation it is explicitly stated that jackson is a commune #i know he's usually credited with way too much for the plot so who knows maybe this isnt a reflection of his writing specifically but i do #think that it casts a new light or as least makes the flaws in logic more evident; knowing that druckmann is a zionist. #im not sure if its confirmed hes a zionist but he was posting some vague pro israel shit a week ago so he's definitely drinking the kool ai #d. anyway Tlou2 is my little autism thang i cant helpy

[cryingforcrocodiles]

got tagged by my great friend, @licharlo this tag ting. thank you for it!!!

rules: share the first lines of your ten most recent fanfics and tag ten people. if you have written less than ten, don’t be shy and share anyways.

yall got ten recent fics? .... bless. i write something once and never touch it again. speaking of those im gonna... try n finish fr sojdkdjdr. i got 3!

[1: labios rotos – lichantony but it's chapter 2. it's lowercase bc i write in lowercase b4 editing 🙏🏿]

"i'm never letting you drink like that again." which is licha for i'm never letting you pick what we drink ever again.

antony gives a quick thumbs up before he's back to hurling into the toilet bowl, head bowing inside the toilet. it makes licha grimace.

“damn,” licha hisses, moving from his eariler position of leaning on the doorframe to the floor where antony is pathetically retching his heart out. “fuckin' nasty.” despite his words, his hand comes to lay on the curve of antony's back, his palm rubbing gently back and forth until antony stops puking.

[2: seal them up with care – gimbappe but it's another chapter 2 i refuse to touch]

Halftime is busy. The locker room busier. Everyone buzzes around like polluted bees, twitchy, thrilled, and eager. You can assume Olivier is the most thrilled by the amount of social acrobatics he's currently performing. He thinks he's touched every wall in some capacity since he busted his way in. He was spreading his infectious enthusiasm and pride through contact. He feels like praying, dropping to his knees right on this cold floor and rejoicing, damn it. His teammates certainly are as he got spun around twice, maybe three times in the last 12 seconds. He even animatedly strategized with Deschamps (who was rubbing the bridge of his nose harshly enough to bruise the entire time). That didn't dampen his mood in the slightest, in fact, fueled it.

Without realizing it, he's picking up his water bottle and draining it. The water tastes awful. He chokes more so than swallows. Some sputter out of his mouth as he's touched by passing team members.

[3: darts of pleasure or auf achse. can't decide – lichantony (oh again haiii) once again lowercase bc i haven't edited it all. n it seems like. suggestive. n it kinda is. definitely is but its ... anyways!]

"hey– hey," came the reprimand. rough, bandaged fingers press down along his jawline, its pressure forcing antony to snap his head up, make eye contact. maybe it's the heat inside the locker room but antony burns. his neck and cheeks flushing out as the pressure loosens on his jaw. licha alternates to little circles, like he's apologizing for the spook. antony only shakily breathes, dumbfounded and unmoving as he all he can do is listen and look.

"are you listening?" licha looks straight into his soul, like he's so tough and not standing half naked between his legs.

---

annnd that's it. thank you. thank god. mwah. good days.

i don't have many writers friends left to tag but @0alanasworld0 (if ur still writing in-between time), @buttergirlepic (PLS DANI.), uhhh @kylianmbappeh, @gracelsalvatore, and @pablitogavii <3 love u guys take care. feel free to ignore <3

#phew writing sure is difficult huh <- hasnt written since april #but nonetheless #thank u for the tag nikka i forget that i am technically a writer so ty for reminding me n making myself feel better ☠️🙏🏿 #tagged games #friends #gen.txt #this can make me reflect on how i open my fics. usually with speech or a sound. i love myself

[phoenixtakaramono]

Writing Pattern Game

Thanks for the tag, @deliciouskeys (♛) and @plasticfangtastic (♛).

Rules: Share the first line of your last ten published works or as many as you are able and see if there are any patterns!

Ah…. *side-eyes my total AO3 WIPs and Twitter threadfics* I can scrounge up 10. My “writing style” tends to reflect whose character’s POV it is and the atmosphere/ setting of the writing itself. Looking at these listed below from an objective standpoint, I think my pattern is the typical writing strategy us writers try to use to hook readers in. 🤔 I’dunno if it comes off that way on your guys’ side when you read through my stories. But I usually view the first paragraph as a window of opportunity to grab the reader's attention and have that hopefully stir enough interest to lead them right into the story. It is your first impression after all. :) I’ll show the first sentence to abide by the rules of this game (hehe)—but then strikethrough the following sentences after that, if it’s in the same paragraph, so you can see the following context.

(Symbol Key: ♛ - direct links you can click)

AO3 Stories

The Name of the Game (♛)

The Boys: Billy Butcher/The Homelander | John

Fine coils of gray smoke spiraled from the end of a dying cigarette, the ember buffeted from the winds by a black leather gloved hand. In the frigid overcast sky, the little ember sparked across half of the person’s sharply defined features. Rooted in place, this man was a sculpture hewn from rugged granite and adolescent dreams.

Truce (♛)

The Boys: Billy Butcher/The Homelander | John

When Homelander had first heard the news, he’d laughed. When no one joined in, his smile dulled. Looking Ashley Barrett in the eyes, he’d said, “You’ve got to be f*cking kidding me.”

The Untold Tale (♛)

SVSSS: Original Luò Bīnghé/Shěn Yuán | Shěn Qīngqiū

Let it not be said that Shen Yuan didn’t know how to be an accomplished—arguably better—writer than his nemesis Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky.

A Prince and His Baron (♛)

Helluva Boss: Blitzo/Stolas Goetia

It was undeniable that there was an upcoming new threat in Hell, rivaling some of the realm’s most ancient fiends in ruthlessness despite his pedigree. Like a chaotic storm, his killing efficiency—a startling track record of a hundred percent hits and zero failures—made waves in demon society. His calling card was left behind at every crime scene: a business card or a horned smiley face doodled with the victim’s blood on the corpse. With the amount of dark energy consumed and the carnage wreaked and demonic pacts made, they cemented his candidacy as a new, potential Overlord of Hell.

Green and Gold (♛)

HP, InuYasha: Harry Potter/Sesshomaru

"We've arrived at the Higurashi Shrine, Pottā-sama," the Asian wizard moonlighting as a Muggle taxi driver said respectfully, pulling the car to a smooth stop along the curb. The stars stood out among the dark night sky, beautiful in this wondrous occasion. Dark eyes surveyed the still figure in the back seat, said infamous wizard who had his eyes closed throughout the long drive from the Apparition Point in the Narita Airport. With an awed smile, the young man lowered his gaze reverently from the Boy-Who-Lived. Turning the ignition off, he added, "I shall accompany you to the spiritual grounds as per Shacklebolt-san's request."

Finders Keepers (♛)

Borderlands, TFTBL: Handsome Jack/Rhys (Borderlands)

The storm of profanities died on his lips as Handsome Jack immediately performed a double-take at the man he’d nearly tripped over on his way to Hyperion’s artificial intelligence branch. The ECHO devices he’d been carrying were strewn all over the floor, with the bright light of personnel photos and the information he’d been reading now glaring up at the ceiling of the space station.

Twitter Threadfics

M3GAN AU (♛)

The Boys: Billy Butcher/The Homelander | John

One day, CIA agent Billy sees a life-sized male android from the company Becca works at. It’s handsome, it’s blond, and Billy’s creeped out that it’s in his girlfriend’s flat.

Fix-It AU (♛)

The Boys: Billy Butcher/The Homelander | John

The first time Homelander met William “Billy” J. Butcher isn’t the romantic spy thriller the media thinks it is. It’s not what his now-fiancé thinks either.

Sugar Baby AU (♛)

The Boys: Billy Butcher/The Homelander | John

It’s months in, and Homelander’s discovered the pleasure of being catered to by a handsome British expatriate whose c*ck is worth $7K per night.

Vampire & Lycan Hunter AU (♛)

The Boys: Billy Butcher/The Homelander | John

Chains rattle when Billy hears the screeches. Dark hair and loose articles are sent flying as a maelstrom of golden bats eclipses the balcony view.

Thoughts: Comparing the two categories above, I tend to get straight to the point for my threadfics—since I’m constrained by the wordcount—whereas for my AO3 stories I like to tease my readers in (hopefully hook you in and guide your eyes to the second paragraph and so on). At the very least, my sentences tend to be descriptive (lol, my word salads, haha) so I think I tend to describe the main character, give the first insight into the main character(s)’ personality you’ll be reading about, or tease the worldbuilding/ setting/ premise. I do see it as the introduction into the story so my thought process essentially goes: 1) it’s gotta be intriguing, 2) it gives the reader the general gist of what you’re probably getting yourself into, or 3) it ironically foreshadows a big narrative device later so if you wanna see how we get there, ✨you should follow along and read the story✨ hint hint nudge nudge.

I tag: @fuckingpajamas, @kosmochlor, @tzeentchs-secretary-tea-time, @officially-tilly, and feel free for anyone who wants to do this!╰(*´︶`*)╯♡ Only if you wanna!

#writing meme #writing #my writing #writing pattern game #ask #deliciouskeys #phoenix talks #I notice I have a lot more butchlander fics in my portfolio than in any other fandom I’ve written for *amused* #my brief impromptu vacation in the rarepair hotel somehow extended into what it is today haha #if you wanna see how I handle purple prose TUT is the golden child in my AO3 portfolio #after that is G&G (which is essentially a crackship that we treat seriously; it’s the reason why I made an AO3 & was my 1st popular fic) #TNotG is how I handle purple prose through a Western style & not the stylistic Chinese light novel style in TUT #G&G reflects modern juxtaposed against Japanese feudal fantasy #FK is my attempt at sci-fi #the threadfics are just how I usually write—but pared down to fit the twitter wordcount

[torchickentacos]

Literary devices, how I adore you... allusion, colloquialism, alliteration, metaphor, simile, juxtaposition (!!!!!!!), anntithesis, foreshadowing, imagery, symbolism, personification, irony, hyperbole???? All amazing.

#juxtaposition is my favorite child #and antithesis. they're similar #I ADORE working with them #or like. if I'm going to be using imagery. choosing it in a way that isn't as common #say i wanted to represent happiness or sadness with weather and seasons. usually summer is happy and winter is sad #OR INSTEAD #it's looming summer thunderstorms and heavy air versus the sunlight reflecting off of snow with a warm coffee mug in your hands #imploring more people to mess with and learn about literary devices #ALLITERATION TOO. I LOVE IT #idk maybe that's an unpopular opinion but I like alliteration sparingly #it can add a really nice rhythm and emphasis in a sentence #something i really like to do is adding a lot of more complex words in clusters for emphasis #it forces the reader to slow down and really SIT in the scene as they. not decode but just understand it #fall out boy is really fun to look at through a literary lens btw. they do a LOT of fun wordplay constantly #ts and marianas trench too. though ts is sometimes a bit on the nose about it #marianas trench has some really nice lyricism actually. idk why they never took off as much as other bands of the era #I could definitely write an essay on marianas trench's lyricism #mitski is good at imagery #i should have been an english major. this is entertainment to me

[you-should-take-her-to-big-sur]

hey guys quick question, am I in love with my best friend

#i wrote this very subpar song about her while i was high on gummies last night #it's very much plagiarism of 'you are in love' #i keep saying that we just have a very profound friendship but idk how far i can stretch that logic anymore #also this is NOT reflective of the usual quality of my work .. i usually write a lot better than this #i was just high when i wrote this so it's kinda shit #but also #has me wondering about my feelings #did i make shit up bc i was high or am i just repressing it #pls read and review pls

[imminent-danger-came]

Do you think the Demon Bull Family will enter the plot again? I think a lot of parallels between MK and Red Son have come around this season and it'd be interesting to explore

Oh please share your Red Son and MK related thoughts with me! I'm not quite sure what you're talking about specifically, but of course the DBK - Wukong / Red Son - MK parallel is always fun.

I don't think the Demon Bull Family will ever be shoved out of the plot entirely, at the VERY least we'll get something like how they were integrated in s4, but with Wukong, Macaque, and DBK all being previous members of the brotherhood I hope we get to explore their relationship a bit more!

I hold onto my crumbs, and so I remember Wukong's little "I've honestly missed that guy" from Revenge of the Spider Queen, and maybe deep down I want that to be explored. It seems like we're going to get into why Wukong stayed up on flower fruit mountain for all that time, and part of that might involve why he sealed DBK away/his feelings on that whole situation. And honestly if DBK is involved, then Red Son is involved. Red Son's admiration for his father is very similar to the admiration MK has for Monkey King, so maybe there's something to be explored there!

#god I should get into fic writing #I've started doing a lot of new things in the lmk fandom so maybe I add that to my list! #Like before this year I hadn't ever written a theory post or any form of meta or done gif making or even edited a video #But now I've tried all those things and I'm having fun! #I haven't written a single fanfic in my life but I have done rp. So maybe I give it a shot! #A convo of Red Son sharing his experiences with his father and MK reflecting on his experiences with Monkey King would be. #So spicy like I'm into that #I think anything I'd write would be very different from what the lmk fandom usually sees and a lot more like the fic from the tdp fandom #but that's just this whole blog asfadsf #look someone out there had to catalog all of the insane writing they shove into this stupid lego show. And after all why not? #Why shouldn't I spend way too much of my free-time doing exactly that? #Why shouldn't I throw all of my crack ideas out there? #asks #lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk analysis #lmk speculation #ummm yeah sure #idk what to tag this post

[ithriel]

I am disabled.(..)

[pt: I am disabled.(..) :end pt]

I am disabled. Despite the very apparent truth in that statement, it is one I have been agonizing over for the past few moons. After receiving an informal autism diagnosis in June, this notion that I am disabled–that I have been disabled my whole life–has been floating in and out of my mind. I considered myself disabled before, of course. My GAD and MDD are certainly disabling. But what has been holding me back from fully embracing this identity?

I suppose it was internalized ableism. Psychiatric disabilities are real, but society treats them as less disabling than physical disabilities, rather than simply differently disabling. I knew I had conditions that were sometimes considered disabling, but in the back of my mind, I didn’t believe they “counted.” Of course, the entire notion of what “counts” as a disability is inherently ableist, racist, sexist, and of course capitalistic. I believe that this type of validity is a scam, so then why do I give it so much thought? The answer: I clearly have work to do to unpack my internalized ableism. 

Outside of a capitalistic worldview, what does it mean to be disabled? Disabled means not abled. I am certainly not abled in the sense that I am able to participate fully in my own life. Not without accommodations or aids, at least. My anxiety took me out of in person school. My depression took my extracurriculars and almost took my life. My autism has made it near impossible for me to form connections with my peers and to properly advocate for myself. Both my anxiety and depression have caused physical symptoms including pain and fatigue. 

I’ve already made some accommodations for myself. I’ve made my life easier, created options and plans for low energy and bad mental health days. I now have a 504, and I spent the last semester in online school. I’m in therapy and am on new meds for my anxiety, depression, and pain. I practice self compassion and understanding. I acknowledge when I need to rest. Most of the time I follow through. 

I am disabled. This I know, this I believe, this I affirm. Nothing is ever easy, and accepting my disability certainly will not be as easy as simply writing a few paragraphs. It will take time. It will exist in fluidity and often liminality. I think I’m ready to intentionally begin that journey.

#ithriel writes ; disability #i've decided to spend this disabilty pride month reflecting and writing about my ongoing journey with accepting my disabilities #this is mostly because i am afraid of being vulnerable so i need to practice #usually i would not share my own writing but 'tis the season for growth (solstice season babyyy) #okay that's enough procrastinating time to post this

[ziskandra]

No-pressure writing ask: what's a line or a scene you've written that you still think about because it makes you happy?

‘Happy’ isn’t my usual writing forte, but when I sat down to think for something that actually elicited some of that vibe instead of just like, a passage I was particularly proud of…

… and I immediately thought of this scene near the end of To Find a Cure, an Anora/f!Cousland epistolary fic I wrote a few years ago which takes place during the events of Inquisition!

A flash of hot panic runs through Elissa’s belly. Her hands shift to grasp Anora’s shoulders. “Anora. Anora. Listen to me.”

Anora stares back at Elissa, intently hanging onto her every word. Is this really it? Their final goodbye? There are no words that can truly capture the magnitude of the moment.

Elissa wets her lips. “Anora. When I die…” She takes a deep ragged breath, stopping short. She’d never actually confronted her inevitable death before, like it was something that was absolutely going to happen instead of something she was desperate to prevent.

She’d never been the type for wills or testimonies or succession planning. That had been her wife’s forte. She doesn’t know what to say.

She goes with her gut.

“When I die,” she finally continues, blood roaring in her ears, “I don’t want another fucking statue.”

Cauthrien laughs before Anora even has a chance to process what Elissa's said. There's a moment where they're all laughing, the three of them, and even Dog seems to be joining in.

#my endings are usually more bitter than sweet so I like how this fic is more sweet than bitter!! #elissa and anora are in LOVE!!! #anyway #anora mac tir x cousland #anora mac tir #asha answers #thank you for the fun ask friend! it gave me a good opportunity to reflect on my preferred writing beats #mxanigel

[juniperhillpatient]

for a girl who hates change I sure am allergic to stability

#not me scheduling another job interview & getting weirdly hopeful as if I didn’t just start a job I’m hopeful about #my problem is I have NO idea what I want in life at all #no wonder azula & Katara’s arc in happenstance was about accepting instability & uncertainty about the future lmao #I usually refute the idea that my writing reflects my real life but sometimes it’s a little hard to deny #rose.txt

[babyblueetbaemonster]

Tesinktober 2022 Day 23 --- Darkness

"The Grove of Reflection can show men who they truly are. Only after facing the truth will the Tree of Shades give up its branches to you." --- Dyus.

What if the shade we fought in the grove is our Shadow...

I'm not a professional in Psychology, but basically: The Shadow personifies everything that one refuses to acknowledge about themselves. The part they repressed.

(long post, 600 words to against town)

Deep in Milchar, Acelta carefully approached the Standing Stone. The still water around it seemed strangely dark. Green writing on the obelisk shined brighter responding to his presence.

He thought back on what Dyus said, "the tree will not surrender its secrets to one who has not earned them". Acelta knew he had to prove himself to the Tree, but felt anxious for the unknown trial he's about to face.

Magical green light flew out of the stone, landed on the dark water, spawning a thick cloud of black smoke. Acelta noticed the ripples under the smoke. Then he saw a humanoid figure.

That shadow figure stepped out of the smoke, walked toward him. Acelta immediately stepped back. To his surprise, he saw himself. The shade raised from the dark water almost looked identical to himself, except for the black color they possessed.

The shadow clone kept getting closer. Acelta backed away, readied his spell, and waited for the other to make the first strike. Instead of fighting, the shadow started to whisper.

Acelta froze.

The shadow used Acelta's own voice to whisper his dark secrets. Hurtful feelings he tried to forget. Destructive thoughts he tried to ignore. Painful guilt he tried to repress.

Before Acelta came to the Shivering Isles, he used to be called a hero. The truth is, he never felt worthy of that title. People thanked him for closing the gate, yet he counted every life he failed to save. Martin sacrificed himself so he could live, yet he couldn't stand to live in the world without him in it. What kind of hero, what kind of FRIEND he was? Tried to start a new life in the plane of Oblivion. Forgot everything triggered his painful memories. Pretended there was nothing for him back in Nirn. Ungrateful for everything Martin saved with his own life. How dare him…

The shade walked closer and closer. The whispers reopened all his unhealed trauma. Acelta was overwhelmed and collapsed onto the dark water. The shade stopped in front of him. The world seemed to get darker and darker. The shadow towered over him. The darkness consumed him.

In the darkness, Acelta saw the shadow's tears.

He thought back to everything the shade said to themselves. That is to say, everything he said to himself.

Throughout his life, Acelta could empathize with people's feelings when they're hurt. He'd tried everything he could to heal their pain. He never realized his blind spot. Only when he saw himself from the outside point did he finally understand. It's not fair for him to do this to himself. No one deserves this cruelness.

"I'm… hurting myself." Acelta's tears fell down his face. Those destructive thoughts he said were self-sabotage. "I'm sorry." He reached out to hold the shadow in his arms. "I'm sorry I didn't take care of myself." To his surprise the shadow returned the hug. Despite all the darkness, the shadow is part of himself. They both tighten their embrace and wept in silence.

Acelta pulled back a little, looked them in the eyes and whispered: "I deserve love, too." He said this both to the shade, and to himself. Maybe his vision was blurred by his tears. The shade didn't look that black anymore. The darkness around them faded away without his notice.

The shade looked up abruptly. Acelta followed their gaze. A branch fell down from the Tree of Shades. In his panic Acelta missed the branch. The shade caught it, and handed it to him. They looked at each other for a moment, then the shade returned to the water.

The water still looked strangely dark, but… clearer.

#tesinktober2022 #tesinktober #tes #oblivion #shivering isles #shivering isles dlc #Symbols of Office #The Grove of Reflection #hero of kvatch #hok #tes oc #oc: acelta #how did i finished every prompts last year aaahh #this is my last inktober haha i'm way too busy than i wanted #took me a few days to edit so yeeeeaaaaaah late as usual haha #i've never wrote this much english words before let me know if i made any grammar mistake :P #i wasn't going to write a fic for this i only wanted to explain a little backstory about acelta #aaaand i happened to look up something about shadow(psychology). trauma. self-sabotage. self-hatred. self-care. healing and stuff #every backstory i give acelta is him dealing with his trauma (which is dark but feels like free therapy for me) #i wasn't plan for acelta to become sheo #but everyone talked about martin after mq so i escape to somewhere no one know me or martin #so they won't remind me my now sad memories with him :(

[merevide]

it’s one of those nights.

#ok i’m gonna ramble a bit because it’s all hitting me like rn #first of all. i hate this song. but i also love this song. #and my birthday is tomorrow and i’ve felt soooo fucking ill about it like more i’ll than usual #n this song has haunted me all year like every time i listen to it i gotta reflect that wow i haven’t done anything with my life i’m #practically friendless and hobbyless and don’t really enjoy doing anything #AND I’VE ALSO BEEN SPENDING IT literally wishing that i wasn’t alive #or hating myself or hurting myself or sabotaging myself #or straight up not remembering anything because apparently that’s a side effect. a symptom #and i gotta rely on myself more than ever like to be more of an emotional rock than i already have to myself #and so many people who are in my age range are actually doing something or living their lives and i have it pointed out to me all the time #and it feels like it’s all hitting me at once. while i also feel like i still wanna sabotage or hurt #n then i remember that all i’ve really known about myself was the hurt and the concern #n it’s like wow. i really hate myself! i’m not doing shit! #but there are good parts so that’s what matters. and i try and focus on those good parts and then something hits me and then nothing matters #so i really hate this song bc it makes me think. but also i’m not gonna miss this year i almost got put in a psych unit i’m not even joking #anyway. i feel like this will all break me and the pressure will get to me and i’ll be on the floor crying again but also i really should’ve #died when i was born but i didn’t! so that means! something! #so yay 🎉 i’m alive. i should write this all down in a journal #my text #marina atd #she should i release this song bc it’s really that good i can’t take it #Spotify