#and no fecking clue how to fix THAT issue

[not-easy-being-green-124]

OH.

It's the lack of kids.

I guess we all need to feel needed, I think that's how this goes. Or maybe I'm just selfish, idk.

But without my kids' faces lighting up every morning, without them coming up to ask for hugs, without them wandering over to tell some goofy story...I feel lost.

I feel unnecessary, extra, replaceable, expendable. It's easier to trick the depression brain when I see them every day, when I can put evidence right in front of it and say "look! You're lying!"

Now, without that evidence, I'm left adrift. I know the depression brain is lying, but I can't find the evidence. Because the truth is that I'm an introvert, a loner, independent. I've set myself up that way and usually its okay. I have friends who are there but who also respect my space and give me room and I love that. I truly do.

I think it's also a deeper need with my kids. They need an adult to listen to them. They need to see an adult be goofy. They need someone to tell them middle school sucks but you'll get through it. They need me.

My friends...yall like me. (Idk why sometimes but apparently you do. ❤) But no one needs me the way my kids do, and depression brain knows it.

Anyhow. I'm not expecting anyone to try and fix this. It's not your job. I'm just processing and I process best by writing it down. It's helpful to recognize it so I can try and combat it.

But like. I miss my kids. I miss being needed. I want...I wanna go back to school now.

#mental health ramblings #mental illness #teaching #apparently now ive fixed my worth on my kids #this is a problem #i have 0 self worth outside of the services i offer others #and no fecking clue how to fix THAT issue #*sigh* #im going back to bed

[stargate365]

[SG-1] 7.14: Fallout

JONAS!!.

But dear god, what is that haircut? He looks like a 00′s boyband member.

and… oh no. Langara is gonna go boom. Bastards deserve it.

okay, so i’m biased.

but for reals. if they’d stopped bitching sooner, and sued for peace then Daniel wouldn’t have been turned into an irradiated jellyfish.

and also, will never forgive them for being mean to Jonas.

okay. i have an idea. you’ve got two weeks before your planet implodes, so evacuate the goddamn place while you fix the issue. best case scenario, you know you can evacuate the planet. worst case, the planet goes boom but with minimal casualties.

but look, daniel has a brain! he agrees with me.

and all the ministers are fecking morons.

“Has no one explained this to you?”

I am dying. but srsly how do you not have a working concept of a nuclear winter?

Sam is adorable. I love sam. she has common sense… most of the times.

oh look! an earthquake. shake that thang~

now can we evacuate?

((on a side note, i slept through an earthquake once. a tiny one, but meh))

…when did Teal’c stop wearing his super sharp and on point eyeshadow?

Huh. I feel a wee bit vindicated now. At the very least they shot themselves in the foot when they killed Danny.

Hai jack! Jack is smart. He has common sense. 

why the fuck are they arguing over tiny things when people coulcd be #notdyingtoday #NOTTODAYSATAN

even Teal’c sees reason

oh dear, danny, darling, please stop pandering to the morons.

oh god… i have zero clue what Sam is on about?

what the fuck is that?

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

jeebus, it looks like a giant metal pencil on steroids.

i live near a pencil museum. i know what i am talking about.

ugh. imo, Jonas is wasted on this basthit insane government

…idk what to think about his new gf either. she’s just… eh. what happened to chatting up cute nurses.

i have an idea! lock people in the closet, and exacuate the planet, THEN solve the problem.

if the honduros episodes are “why Daniel Jackson should not be left unsupervised” then the grace nebula one is “why Sam Carter should not be allowed in space without Jack to hold her back” and this one is called “Jonas Quinn is not allowed to date!” Seriously guys! Who thought leaving nerds unsupervised was a good idea??

i’m beginning to see a pattern here. 

Daniel is left unattended, he gets shot. 

Sam without supervision, gets stuck in a giant, corrosive, living gas cloud. 

Jonas goes off on his own, winds up dating a goa’uld and gets into a planet-scale disaster.

Jack, what are you doing leaving your kids without their babysitter? Teal’c is the perfect babysitter. He can literally pick them up by the scruff of their necks and carry them home.

…Daniel has finally come to the conclusion that this is stupid…

Why does Jack have a plan?

I thought that Jack’s running plan was ‘don’t have a plan, make it up as I go along’.

wait… is he gonna phone Thor?

he’s gonna phone Thor!

…okay… he has not phoned Thor.

But I agree. The Madronans do not deserve to put up with the Langaran whining.

O-o. Squishy Jonas is Bossy.

Blah

Nobody died, so win.

But I still think Jonas is bugnuts for going back there.

I mean… Gating vs Meetings?

Boy is mental

#stargate #sg1 #stargate sg1 #stargate 365+1 #7x14 #sg1 7x14 #day 156 #fallout #sg1: fallout #gif: bluejelloh