#and no not every single child did this

[b4kuch1n]

crumbs in your bed

transcript

#bakuspecial #comic #horror #cw: child abuse #cw: body horror #ask to tag #hi! hello. this is basically just a goosebump story I think. or a scary stories to tell in the dark entry #that's kinda what I aim for? along with the good ol vibe of fuan no tane #and also the like. Thing in east asian art where they make the main character a generic white person and then #every other thing about the setting is deeply recogniseably common asian shit lmao #that's entertainment for me. this came about extremely haphazardly... its why the first two pages look nothing like #the rest of it fsdjfhdsjhf. I slammed those out at a cafe like two days ago #went into this one no plan outside of a general sense of direction #I dont think Ive ever actually designed a single character in any of the short horror comics I did. like either its me or #I made someone up as I went. genuinely didnt know what the character'd look like until I sketched em #and then I kept referencing previous panels to draw em. dont know if I recommend this method #mmmm on reread not super sure if the sound effect of the bed leaving the room is clear enough... oh well there are other comics #been writing a lot about food and places recently Ive found out. oh yeah dyou know whats funny #I watched a wayner highlight vid of the kingdom heart charity stream today (I do not know anything about kingdom heart) and realized #how much of kingdom heart (at least the first one) is about like. places. #which is like. good job baku great deep read there isn't kingdom heart literally behind a door. arent there doors all over the place. #isnt the biggest symbol from that game taht EVERYONE knows about the KEYblade. for locks on door #fskdjfhdj but yeah its just. very cool to me that that game really does have iconic recogniseable sites. like the scenes are all tied to #where they happen at. and the climactic battle happens in a black void around a door. its good #good story about leaving ur home after ur friends aren't there anymore and being changed so much by what you go through that #you can no longer call where you started at home anymore. I am being conned by the music #anyways. yeah I go sleep now. powered thru the last 4 pages of this so its done and out there. hope my bed will not do this #have a good night lads! be careful of bugs

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

Growing up in an extremely ultra religious, cult-like family was a mindfuck for multiple reasons but that doesn't stop unfortunately, even when you escape. For example, see: The overwhelming feeling of boiling hatred and shame for who you used to be.

The angry hatred for the past person I used to be, the version of myself that mindlessly parroted my family's beliefs and listened to their every command, constantly simmered under my skin and invaded my every thought. I was embarrassed of what I used to be- even as I made friends of different ethnicities and faiths, as I listened and explored new ideas and worlds that I never knew existed, as I started the first LGBTQ+ club at my school and volunteered with kids who deserved so much more- there was always a little voice in the back of my head.

"They would hate you if they knew what you were. They would hate the horrendous teachings that were seared into your mind, the things that you used to say and believe. You are nothing but a pretender."

And it is true that my beliefs were bigoted in all the worst ways. It is true that I believed truly heart-wrenching things without a second thought and judged others in such harsh and unfair ways. I told myself that there was no coming back from that, not really. There was nothing I could do to ever make up for it.

Then I remembered that the person who said those things wore velcro light up sneakers and collected finger puppets that the librarians handed out as awards for reading picture books. The person that held signs at pro-life rallies and anti-LGBTQ+ protests had a cherished sticker book and hunted minnows in the creek after school and adored their puffle on club penguin and was really into greek mythology and had skinned knees from climbing trees at recess and knew every Disney song by heart and was absolutely terrified of the dark.

That person was a child.

I was a child.

It took a really long time. Years and years of reflection and distance, but I've decided that I can't hate the past version of myself anymore. I feel pity and remorse, I feel anger- I feel so much fury and violent rage- at what my childhood was and I grieve what could- no, should- have been, but I no longer resent who I was.

I'm not ashamed.

I am so, so, so unbelievably proud of that little kid. For being brave enough to leave the comfort and safety of what I was told was right. For not being afraid to be wrong. For seeking out information and knowledge in a culture that praised ignorance. For questioning everything, relentlessly.

I am by no means a perfect person, I never have been and I never will, but I am proud of myself in every iteration that has ever existed because I know that I have never stopped trying to understand and learn and grow, and I never will.

If you have ever been in a similar situation and feel similar things, first of all: My condolences on your lost childhood. Second of all: Please be nice to that past version of yourself and recognize all the hard work they did to make you who you are today. That person was a survivor and an inspiration. They deserve nothing but love.

#started anti depressants recently. kinda had an epiphany. i can't hate who i was. if i met me now i wouldn't blame that tiny child #for their rancid beliefs or for being dragged to protests. because thats a CHILD. i HAVE met kids in that position and i feel nothing but #pity and anger on their behalf. so why am i holding that version of myself to a higher standard? #i could not have known what i know now at 6 or 8 or 10. the same way that i could not have written a college level essay at that age #but i did what i could. in my own 8 y/o way. i believed in love and humanity and happiness. i was just misguided in the 'hows' of it all #and i am so so so so so proud. of every single microscopic step that i took. every question i asked. every thought that i hid and protected #and pondered secretly at night until new ideas and doubts bloomed like a dandelion through the pavement #and I'm so proud that i chased that doubt. that i asked why why why why until their ears bled and their voices were raw #until their answers stopped adding up. until i sought knowledge elsewhere with a mind dehydrated and malnourished and begging for knowledge #in any form i could get. i just. if i could hug that kid? if i could right now reach out and give that terrified and lonely child a hug? #i would. a million times over. #anyway sorry for the intense personal rant I'm just going through it rn and I'm like.... actually feeling alright #its wild. did you guys know about this??? anti depressants make you NOT depressed??? shits insane fam #irl #personal

[reel-fear]

MIKE BLOCKED ME ON TWITTER FOR ROASTING HIS DUMBASS RESPONSE TO THE GRAPHIC NOVEL STUFF!!

grown ass man scared of the 19-year-old queer being mean to him over his public meltdown more at 8.

#ramblez #little white boy sad? U sad bc nobody likes you? Bc u constantly make a fool of urself and show off ur distaste for ur fans? lmao #this is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me imagine how mad he'll be when he finds out the fangame Im making has queers in it #hes gonna have a whole other white boy meltdown on main KJSNFDGKJHFGKJHGKJHSDFGSD #hes so fucking sensitive maybe just get off of social media Mike this never ends well for you #batim #batdr #bendy and the ink machine #bendy and the dark revival #and look Im joking around about this but it really is sad that the bendy devs cant handle this kind of critique towards their decisions #it seems despite the backlash once again they are choosing to ignore their fans which is yknow upsetting #But hey ig if the devs being awful was a dealbreaker for this fandom I wouldve left a long time ago and I havent #dw Im not going anywhere <3 #also if anyone else here was also criticizing Mike maybe check his acct to make sure ur not blocked now since apparently #old habits die hard and this is certainly a pattern with him KJHDSFKGJHSDKFGJHDFGSD #also look before anyone asks yes I was kinda mean to him over this but to put bluntly if hes gonna be this dismissive to his fans concerns #he deserves it. Theres this persistent attitude esp in bendy fanspaces of being defensive of the devs #and I dont know why they have been extremely horrible people every single chance they get #and its very hurtful to see how many people would rather tell me to be kinder to the people who broke the heart of a child me when they #dismissed any ideas of putting queers like me in their stories than to realize Mike n Meatly bring this bad attention to themselves #to put bluntly I dont owe them kindness not until they at least apologize for the shit they did which they still havent #mike hasnt even addressed his vent poem in the code of BATDR let alone the other shit he said n did #so no I will not be kind to him ever hope this helps!

[joelletwo]

oh yeah its also sadies bday :)) i forgot she was a surprise bday gift

#^ irresponsible unless ur me child who wanted us to adopt every single stray dog. which we often did lol. safe bet id love her #she was a pound dog tho!!!!!! beautiful little anxious excited girl that greeted me when i got picked up after school #she is........ redoes the math again..... at least 16-17?

[iknaenmal]

drop your address i just want to talk

#“a kid whove been shown as not having any real connections to anyone” ??? did oyu forget about gon . did he cease to exist suddenly #killua is more than capable of caring abt people he just hasnt had the chance to !! #“[her] personality is obnoxious” if you mean that shes like childish then yeah you dont say. shes a child #also i dont think she has had a proper environment to like grow up and such #she has been isolated from the outside world for god knows how long!! #ALSO YOURE MISGENDERING HER. that automatically makes every single one of your arguments invalid #ikna talks

[runawaycarouselhorse]

"Why does autism seem more common in males?

Being female does appear to protect the brain from many developmental disabilities, not just autism. There is emerging evidence that girls with autism need more extreme genetic mutations than boys to develop autism.

However, there is a growing body of work that indicates that autism just presents differently in girls and therefore often goes unrecognised, especially in verbally fluent girls with normal intelligence. Girls with autism also appear to be better at ‘camouflaging’ their symptoms in order to fit in.

With the diagnostic criteria for ASD based largely in how autism presents in males, girls can often ‘slip under the radar’ or get misdiagnosed. Girls with ASD seem to have less restricted and repetitive behaviours than boys, but it’s also possible that some of these behaviours go unrecognised — for example, an obsessive interest in collecting dolls may be misinterpreted as pretend play.

What does autism look like in girls?

Although every child with autism is different, here are some common characteristics in girls with autism:

A special interest in animals, music, art, and literature

A strong imagination (might escape into the worlds of nature or fiction)

A desire to arrange and organise objects

Not wanting to play cooperatively with female peers (for example, wanting to dictate the rules of play or preferring to play alone to maintain control)

A tendency to ‘mimic’ others in social situations in order to blend in

An ability to hold their emotions in check at school, but be prone to meltdowns or explosive behaviour at home

Strong sensory sensitivities, especially to sounds and touch (for example; clothing tags, socks or even deodorant).

For autistic girls to thrive, it’s important they have access to a timely and accurate diagnosis, and the informed supports that come with it. A delayed or missed diagnosis can impede their education and development, as well as their social and community participation.

While boys with autism are more likely to have outwardly challenging behaviours, (indicating underlying issues, such as anxiety) girls with autism are more vulnerable to internalising problems.

As our understanding of how autism affects females is still emerging, it is important parents and professionals alike stay updated on the best ways to specifically support girls and women on the spectrum."

#autism #special interests #masking #actuallyautistic #my first special interest was Ariel The Little Mermaid and mermaids in general #I presently love dolls although I didn't as a very tomboyish child who loved to play in dirt and draw and learn about animals #I still feel calmest outside or even just watching the sky and birds and exploring gardens or flowers (weeds) breaking through concrete #my special interest then became the Pokemon anime and Team Rocket trio and Rocketshipping for years... #then finally Shootie (Trip) from the Pokemon anime too and this last one definitely puts people off because they don't understand it #I only used to one repetitive imaginative play and it was one plush dying while another plush or my single doll back then wept over it ^^;; #not social play generally... I played alone and mostly only very carefully collected toys #kept them clean wouldn't touch them except with clean hands wouldn't sleep cuddling them so they don't get sweat on them #didn't get the concept of a well-loved toy because my love was keeping them in as perfect condition as possible #(I have some toys I did play with especially now that I love to do toy photography) #carrying plushies around and stuff can get them a bit stressed looking... ^^;;; #but I still try to keep them as neat as possible #and mostly just collect and keep them around #I used to draw every single day of my life #if I just wait for something slow to load I'd open Paint and doodle #I thought I'd be dead before I could let a day pass without drawing UNTIL I tried to stop myself from ever drawing Trip #inspiration went DEAD AND DRY days without drawing anything #so weird..... not healthy for me #drawing was how I expressed my emotions even when I had no one to talk to or who would listen #also I hate perfume so much PFFT there are very very few light scents I like #long post #if somebody is going to be a moron like the the two in the replies please read that for proof my being very visibly not neurotypical nearly #cost my career twice and led to bullying even as an adult #and discrimination #and my sensory issues while beneficial for hearing say heart murmurs #also led to bullies trying to expose me because how ableist and

[hella1975]

are you guys thinking about touya todoroki today because i am

#what if he just wanted to be good what if he burned up and out waiting for his parent to look at him and just LOVE HIM #what if all he ever wanted was that positive affirmation what if he just needed to be treated kindly and was instead #offered only cruelty what if he was a child who didn't need to be strong he just needed to be held #what if raising children to be soldiers regardless of good intention is still a fucked up thing to do #because they're CHILDREN they just want you to be nice to them they don't care about being the strongest #and why does being the strongest matter more than anything else? is that really worth doing all this damage? #is it really worth being so mean? you're supposed to love them why won't you show it #and it haunts him so much he literally BURNS HIMSELF ALIVE OVER IT and no one even comes to watch #and when the rejection finally FINALLY gets through his head and he's forced to accept that he's never gonna get that love #and acknowledgement that he needs so much he doesnt heal from it and choose to be the bigger person #he instead becomes something ugly and mean and messy and awful and he's a sum of all the acts made against him #because he's ANGRY and he doesn't care that he's angry he's shameless and embracing of that rage #because it covers up the hurt and if he has to hurt people in order to avoid his own pain then that's what he'll do #and to the very end he's shouting every bad thing that happened to him refusing to go down quietly about it #refusing to be a good little victim that shakes and cries in a corner and lets things sort themselves out because it NEVER DOES #NO ONE EVER SAVES HIM. NO ONE EVER PROTECTS HIM. WHY WON'T THEY PROTECT HIM #and not a single person acknowledges him. not a single person looks on him with pity #there's no one there to say 'that was shit and you deserved better'. no one. and what did he honestly do that was so bad as to deserve this #he was a child who wanted to be loved. to be good. that's all #touya todoroki #literally feels like his character was created to make me specifically want to blow my brains out el oh el <3

[doctorwhoisadhd]

i still cant believe no one else in my family liked everything everywhere all at once all that much. like they all thought it was good but like. i was sitting there feeling like my ribs had been peeled open to expose every soft vulnerable organ in my body

#would it shock you if i said im the only one out of the four of us who has severe ADHD. or even a diagnosis really #ari opinion hour #my mom (least ADHD woman on the planet) thought it was just okay and i dont understand that for a second #like hi its me your child. i have been sitting there next to you for this entire film and the state it has left me in is comparable to #being pinned to a corkboard like an insect and disemboweled of all of my psychological issues #all my organs have been pulled out of my abdomen and strung up around me like red string connecting every single thing thats wrong with me #even my dad didnt like. Get It the way i did and he probs has ADHD. like dude where have you been your whole life?? #because i dont think it's where ive been

[thewynne]

thinking about Them (duchesnay & duchesnay 1990 world's free program 'missing')

#ice dance #hot take this might be my favorite figure skating program of all time??? #which child me who was obsessed w/ michelle kwan & women's singles would not have thought #but it never gets old! every time i watch it it's just as mesmerizing! i love the SHAPES #i know torvill & dean are the Grandmasters but even tho he choreographed it when they did it it just wasnt WEIRD enough yanno?? #also you should check out the ballet it's based on #ghost dances by christopher bruce #Youtube

[thecruellestmonth]

Normal Batman fans: I don't want to engage with parts of canon in which my fave is an abusive asshole. I choose to engage with other stories instead, and I ignore stories that I dislike.

Nasty toxic Batman fans: Ooh, Bruce is being totally gross again, don't mind if I do~

Good Dad Bruce™ stans: Yes, I fully acknowledge that every single one of Bruce's kids is deeply—at times suicidally—traumatized by his parenting failures in canon, but he is NOT a bad parent! Bruce LOVES his family. Sometimes COMPLICATED PARENTS make their children feel WORTHLESS and ISOLATED, and then don't do anything to fix it! It's totally NATURAL, Bruce is just a COMPLICATED parent! He's COMPLICATED! Bruce LOVES his family. COMPLICATED, I say! NOT ABUSIVE! Would an abusive parent put a hand on his child's shoulder in a vague display of warmth once every few years??? Hm??? Yeah, I DIDN'T THINK SO, YOU STUPID ABUSE VICTIMS!! Bruce LOVES his family. He does nice things—why are you ignoring all the nice things that he's done? He is just an IMPERFECT person, he has made some teeny tiny mistakes repeatedly with 5+ separately acquired children over a twenty-year period. Bruce is just a regular IMPERFECT human being—which means that you critics are the UNREASONABLE MONSTERS imposing PERFECTIONIST standards on a poor innocent middle-aged baby adult man! Bruce LOVES his family. How could we expect exceptionally privileged hyperintelligent parents NOT to regularly use their position of power to make 4-6 children feel inadequate, unsafe, and alone?? What ridiculously high standards! Bruce LOVES his family.

#I hope you impressionable youngsters are learning the warning signs of abusive families and cults during your time in this fandom. #Bruce Wayne hate club #COMPLICATED PARENT BRUCE WAYNE #You know I personally like my own cobbled version of Bruce Wayne too. I like to ignore canon as I please. #But some of you stans work overtime to come up with the cruelest most hurtful insensitive and vomit-inducing IGNORANT opinions about abuse. #So eager to sanitize decades of a grown rich white male hero living his power fantasy on the backs of vulnerable and traumatized kids #--in your zeal to make sure that the world's most popular superhero doesn't suffer a whisper of criticism-- #you choose to echo the excuses given to powerful people who use their power to hurt and control smaller people. #'He is complicated—' His behavior is abusive. #'He didn't intend to—' He did something abusive. #'But he LOVES his family!' He is an abusive piece of shit and he needs to do better. #'Well he is just an imperfect human—' Nobody is asking him to be perfect. Not everyone perpetuates abuse and refuses to change. #'But you have to understand that he had a very terrible childhood.' Every single one of his kids has had an inarguably worse childhood. #'Hm. That version of Bruce really is an abusive asshole. My homebrew isn't and he wouldn't do that.' DING DING DING! WINNER WINNER! 🥳👑👑👑 #'Bruce is an abusive asshole. He is the perfect meow meow for my fiction about toxic families and dark themes.' YES. YOU WIN. 💗👏👏👏😘😘😘 #IMPERFECT PARENT BRUCE WAYNE #negativity #fandom discourse #anti Bruce Wayne #child abuse mention cw #The funny thing is that this blog discusses Jason Todd the most but I'd say he probably suffered the least abuse. #At least he's a villain. What is Bruce's excuse for the way he mistreats and neglects the others?

[canni-killer]

finish drawing. feel proud! see three pieces of art. i want to kill myself.

#ive been drawing for years why am i so bad #inconsistent also #bad AND inconsistent #anyways did anyone see the pic i drew haha its good right #who am i fucking kidding its awful #everything i make art writing knitting sewing etc its all terrible #no matter how much i practice i never improve #i cant write either my writing is terrible #and ive p much abandoned knitting #i occasionally sew holes in clothes but im bad at it #i have no fuckng skills #i should be good at this stuff its all stuff ive been doing sonce i was a fucking child #why is my baby cousin better at knitting than mr #why is my cousin so much better at art when were the same age and ive been drawing longer #i cant act either. or sing. i used to want to do musical theater but yknow #i cant bring myself to pick up my guitar cuz i know ill never be good at it. it frirates me to practice. #i played trombone for 2 ½ years and never got any better #i couldn't even read a single scale and my playing was quiet and bad #fuck #fuck fuck fuck #ill mever be good at anything #im a hack. talentless. unskilled. in every way possible. #can i find one fucking thing that im good at #“do it for yourself!” I CANT I FUCKING CANT if no one else likes it then its not good #and if its not good theres no point to it #becuz its just another way in which ive failed #i hate myself. im a disgusting failure #and im too cowardly to even kill myself #“im living for so and so :3” LIES LIES ITS ALL LIES IM ALIVE BECUZ IM A COWARD #everyone else will be fine without me. maybe happier even. i just cant do it cuz im fucking scared. another gd thing im a failure at.

[panharmonium]

i’m re-watching house md right now and i can’t stop thinking about how glad i am that i originally watched it fifteen years ago when fandom still lived on lj, because if it were airing nowadays in this particular fandom culture i don’t think i would survive the experience

#can you imagine #every single character would be put on trial for war crimes every week #like #remember when wilson and cuddy lied to house about him curing that guy bc he had no medical reason to do what he did and #they were afraid he was going to kill someone next time #or when house dosed wilson with amphetamines to prove wilson was taking antidepressants #or secretly deleted the voicemail about wilson's new apartment offer because he didn't want wilson to move out #OR WHEN CHASE GAVE THAT DYING CHILD A CHASTE KISS BC SHE WANTED TO KISS A BOY BEFORE SHE DIED #lmao i just #i'm trying to think about which characters fandom would assign to be the 'abusers' and which ones would be the 'victims' and it's just #really highlights what a useless lens that is for experiencing a story #(not like lj didn't have its own bonkers nonsense going on but god. imagine. if house were airing today) #(the psychic damage i would be taking) #house md

[furiousgoldfish]

seeking advice about a persecutor alter: I want them to stop hating me

#systems #did #osdd #i'm desperate i cant hadle it anymore #i've tried being nice and acknowledging them and validating their entire experience and all the help they've given me #but i can't with the insults it hurts #i'm so tired of enduring it #every single day they're so angry at me for being weak and pathetic #and i can't stand up to them because they can destroy me they know my weak spots #but the alter is also a child and i can't stand up to children anyway #this child detests me and i know its self hatred #but i don't hate myself or them #i just want us both to be okay