#and no one needs me dumping my white guilt on them

[waxingrunes]

I understand if you’re too busy to answer this or don’t want to, but i was wondering if you wouldn’t mind telling us some of your non-explicit headcanons or just some traits you think wolfstar have in general? Your explicit ones are sososo hot but today I'm feeling low and need some comforting. Yiur blog is just a safe space for me but I totally understand if not! I love your work <3 all my love x

There are so many nondescript hc’s I have that this has the potential to turn into a formal essay with cited sources, so I’ll go for more of a generalised dump of info I have for each in a hope that it lifts some of your fog Anon. Maybe bullet pointed because it’ll be easier to read than my usual untidy form of communication. Hope you feel lighter soon.

Sirius

• will lick a yoghurt pot if there’s no clean spoons. There’s the option to go for fruit instead, but he wants the yoghurt and by god he will get his yoghurt

• is a fucking terrible driver, gives Remus and any passenger white knuckles due to speed issues and not using a lower gear when taking corners

• is however, in complete control when on a motorcycle; very hot, very controlled and will take his passenger’s safety very seriously

• professionally trained in ballroom and ballet, the latter which he is sometimes mocked in jest for, even by Remus, until he one time caught him stretching elegantly on the floor one morning with his upper body laid flat between long, toned, wide spread legs, ‘morning moony’, a healthy blush on his cheeks

• private crier, doesn’t cry easily

• goes quiet when angry as an initial defence but it doesn’t take long for him to start dropping breadcrumbs of sarcastic comments; can also be snobby and bratty, perhaps sometimes will get nasty and direct (bringing up things he shouldn’t to score points in the heat of the moment)

• suffers immeasurable guilt (helped by the point above) but is always masking a weighted feeling of guilt no matter what he’s doing, so much so it’s manifested into quite a serious anxiety problem in the wrong crowds

• he fidgets a lot, not in a chaotic way, just always has to have his fingers busy with something

• likes the smell of gasoline

• once had to talk himself down from throwing a child in a dustbin

• loves the colour red; blood red and cherry red to be precise but secretly loves dark blue even more because it’s what looks most handsome on Remus despite him not wearing it often

• sighs a lot

• pretended he couldn’t speak English to get away with jumping a queue

• hates the smell and taste of liquorice (unless heavily strawberry/cherry/raspberry flavoured)

• on one particular messy night out he got so impatient waiting at the bar, he reached over and grabbed a discarded bottle of alcohol the server had left open and swigged it

• digs his nails into his skin when anxious and is often reminded to relax the tension in his joints

• stargazes often

• once linked his pinky finger with Remus and asked him to pinky promise not to tell anyone what he was about to tell him, since which a tradition of trust was born where Remus will offer his pinky or the last two fingers for Sirius to hold or squeeze when he’s feeling unsure in public, or in any situation where verbal reassurance isn’t appropriate

• gets a weird thrill at the sound of cork popping from a bottle

Remus

• collects beer mats and keeps them in a drawer, thinks about making them into a display

• got tired of kids playing ball against the wall of his place (after repeat offences and him asking very nicely for them to stop) one day so went out, retrieved the ball and threw it so hard against of the cars it set the alarm off

• owner of said car came running out the house and Remus blamed it on the children. Never had the same issue again

• has a wildly sweet tooth and will always drop one or two packets of sugar into any warm beverage

• stares into space and gets involuntarily caught on someone’s face one too many times which makes them uncomfortable from the ‘Death Stare’ phenomenon when in reality, he’s lost in lala land

• can cook, is actually a proficient cook, but will not cook for anyone but Sirius, James or Lily

• will crack his knuckles, wrists and neck absentmindedly, all of which makes his company squirm because it’s often very loud and ‘pop-py’ but Sirius fucking loves it

• stays very calm during an argument but can shout louder than most and when he does, ears ring from the silence that follows

• prefers tea over coffee

• will eat liquorice any time he wants to piss Sirius off

• cries more than Sirius, but still a private crier

• always has to be the old boot in Monopoly

• loves words that are vowel heavy or double voweled because those are the ones where the scraps of Sirius’ lost French accent surface the most

• has a gentle touch, is aware of his size and nature of his lycanthropy, therefore always somewhat reserved

• loves socks, has a collection of ‘dad socks’

• has the messiest writing out of all the Marauders but loves handwritten things, owns three very different fountain pens for very different purposes

• is polite, but as he’s aged doesn’t tend to ‘fake smile’ a lot, feeling no need to fill uncomfortable silences for the sake of others

• has a chair he favours and often dozes off in it. Most of the time waking up to Sirius on top of him

#ask #wolfstar #might tag this properly #remus lupin #sirius black #remus #sirius

[faggot-vampire-dies-epicly]

Under the flashing lights

Summary: You return to your hometown for the holidays and reconnect with Vanessa. | Words: 4.361K

Warnings: Fluff, references of abandonment, some daddy issues, kissing, anxiety, insecurities, a bad break up, miscommunication, guilt. Fem!Reader.

A/N: This was supposed to be short. I'll be honest, I don't like this, I don't think it's good. I'm so sorry this took so fucking long, I'm never writing a holiday themed fic again; this was way too silly to be this hard to write. Sorry for the fuckass quality on the header, lmao.

Main Masterlist | Vanessa Masterlist | AO3

You stepped outside the station, feeling the cold, crisp air fill your lungs. It had been a while since you'd been in your hometown, and you didn't remember it being this cold in December.

You sighed, your breath turning into white mist. It was freezing, snow coating the streets. You cursed quietly, you had told your mom you didn't need a ride.

It was strange, really. How you had let your mother convince you of visiting her and your step-dad for the holidays. You normally would have refused in any way you could, but something was different this year.

It had been a long, tiring year. Your long term girlfriend had dumped you after you had lost your job. Then your cat had died, and you were feeling more lost than ever.

When your mother reached out to you to invite you to spend the holidays with them, you hesitated for the first time in years. 

The relationship between you and your mom had always been sort of difficult, and the fact that she remarried almost immediately after your dad left was something you weren't willing to forgive just yet.

But you were exhausted after everything. Something inside you told you that maybe this time spending the holidays with them was worth it.

You shivered, wrapping your coat tightly around your body. The town was like you always remembered it. Dull, gray and frankly, odd. Growing up here was the least exciting part of your life.

You stood outside the station waiting for a taxi to come by, but with no avail. It seemed like the streets were empty aside from the families who were waiting for their loved ones inside the station, their cars parked outside.

You considered asking for a ride when you heard a sweet, almost familiar voice behind you.

“Everything okay?” You turned around, finding a police officer standing right there.

Blonde hair tied in a ponytail, green eyes and a tiny, polite smile on her lips. She was wearing a green wool trucker jacket over her police uniform.

“Oh,” you breathed out, feeling your cheeks heat up. She was really, really pretty. 

“I, um. I was hoping to take a taxi,” you said awkwardly, fiddling with the pockets of your jacket. The police officer hummed, looking thoughtful.

“No, that won't do,” she murmured. Your eyes widened. 

“Excuse me?”

“There aren't many taxis here, I'm sure you have noticed by now,” she chuckled and you frowned.

“Great,” you murmured. “There's always something with this stupid town.”

The officer raised her eyebrows, “local?”

You remain silent for a moment. “Something like that. I grew up here.”

She nodded, eyeing you curiously. She looked like she wanted to say something but wasn’t sure how to go about it. Ultimately, she smiled at you and put her hands into the pockets of her jacket. “Well, you need a ride… and I can give you one. Where are you headed?”

You tensed up, turning to face the officer. “Sorry?”

She laughs, “I said, where are you headed? My shift is almost over and it looks like it’s gonna storm.” You gazed at the sky for a moment, she was right.

“You’re offering me a ride?” You asked, confused. She seemed amused at your confusion. 

“Yes, miss, I’m offering you a ride.” 

You licked your lips. The wind was getting stronger, and you could feel the chill penetrating through your coat. The station seemed to have emptied, and the few people that remained were starting to leave with their families. On one hand, you could always wait under the cold and hope that a taxi showed up, you could also walk, but the snow was already making things slick and the taxi situation didn’t seem to be improving. You took a look at the officer, who gave you a small smile, and you sighed. She seemed trustworthy enough.

Knowing that she was probably your best bet, you sighed. “Alright, I’ll take it.”

She nodded politely, smiling still. “Come, my car is this way.” 

She guided you through the parking lot, opening the door for you when you reached her patrol car. Before you could say anything, a gust of icy wind hit you and you shivered. She gave you an understanding look, “We better get going before the weather gets too bad,” she said with a hint of sympathy in her tone. 

You grumbled in embarrassment, climbing on the car. She positioned herself behind the wheel, the car rumbling to life with a steady hum.

You gave her your home address, and she pulled onto the road ahead. You sat there in silence, contemplating what you were doing in a stranger’s car.

“You look awfully familiar,” she said, and you snapped out of your thoughts. She stopped at a red light, waiting for it to turn green.

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean that I think I’ve seen you before…” She said thoughtfully, eyes focusing on your features. You felt your cheeks heat up at her staring. She looked at you for a moment longer before focusing back on the road. 

"Really now?" You asked after taking a deep breath, you were getting curious. 

You couldn't quite put your finger on it, but there was something about her that seemed familiar, too.

A few seconds of silence passed, the car still weaving its way through traffic, the engine humming in a steady, quiet rhythm.

"Wait a minute..." She said suddenly, a look of realization appearing on her face. "Wow, how could I forget!”

You stared at her, mildly confused. “You are Y/N! We went to the same English class in high school. You were always talking about Lord of the Rings.” She said, grinning.

You blushed in embarrassment, “ah, yeah. I… eventually grew out of it.” 

She eyed you expectantly as you tried to remember who this woman could be. 

She chuckled. “You don't remember me, huh?” 

She had said it in an amused tone, but you could see a little flicker of disappointment in her eyes. You tried harder, closing your eyes. Then it hit you, she was the pretty blonde girl who always sat near the window, the one who made you realize you were attracted to girls.

“You're… Vanessa,” you opened your eyes, slightly surprised. “You used to sit by the window. Always wearing a green flannel.” 

She smiled brightly. “Yes, yes! That was me!”

You huffed a laugh, it was incredible. You had run into your gay awakening, and she was giving you a ride home. Fifteen-year-old you would have gone into shock.

“I can't believe you remember the color of my flannel,” she said in a teasing tone. You hummed, blushing slightly.

“Well, I can't believe you remember my obsession with Lord of the Rings,” you chuckled.

Her eyes widened a little, her mouth slightly agape. After a moment of hesitation and gesturing awkwardly, she finally managed to say something. "Well, you always stood out to me." Her voice carried a hint of nervousness, a soft pink tint on her cheeks.

You were left stunned for a moment. She had noticed you back then.

“Oh,” you breathed out. 

“Sorry, too weird?” She asked, with an awkward chuckle. You were quick to reassure her. 

“Oh, no, not at all. I… I noticed you too.” She gave you a gentle smile, almost shyly, before stopping the car. 

“Well… we’re here.” Your gaze drifted from her to the window. It was true, you were parked outside your house, you sighed. While you silently removed the seat belt, you could feel Vanessa’s gaze on you. You fought off a smile as you exited the car.

Vanessa lowered the window and asked, "Is there a chance we might run into each other again?" A beat passed in silence, and you finally spoke, your voice soft and your smile sincere. "Probably," you replied, hoping that you were right. "Hopefully," you added, making her smile in response.

“Thanks for the ride.” She nodded and then licked her lips. “No problem, I like doing favors for pretty girls like you.” 

You looked away, feeling your cheeks heat up from the compliment. “You’re not so bad yourself,” you flirted back and she scowled playfully, blushing. “Maybe you could give me your number, so I can thank you later?” You leaned against the car.

Vanessa giggled softly, her scowl breaking into a shy smile. “Oh, I’d love to.” 

You entered your parent’s house after parting ways with Vanessa.  You answered your mother's questions with monosyllables, a small smile playing on your lips. She had asked, of course, but you weren't about to tell her that you had run into your high school crush and she had given you a ride home and also her number. Instead, you just brushed it off as being happy to visit her and your stepdad, nothing more. As you went up to your room, your smile only grew wider. It had been ages since you had felt this way, and you were sure the feeling wouldn’t go away soon.

“Time flies when you’re having fun.” That’s what people always said, you just rolled your eyes whenever you heard it, unable to understand how that could be true.

Until you experienced it yourself.

Vanessa had called, inviting you for lunch and of course you accepted. You didn’t expect to be returning home past midnight. Your mother had asked you to return home early so you could help plan the upcoming Christmas Eve party, but time had slipped away and now you were late, too late. This had been happening since you had arrived in town. She called and you always went. You couldn’t get enough.

You unlocked the door as silently as you could and tiptoed all the way to your room, but before you could enter the safe space, someone touched your shoulder.

You swallowed a scream and quickly turned around. It was your stepdad. You sighed, unsure if it was out of relief or annoyance. He raised his eyebrows expectantly.

“My bad, I wasn’t planning on being this late,” you muttered, he just nodded. After a while he spoke up. 

“What’s going on?” You tried not to blush.

“I was with, uh… someone,” you explained, a little embarrassed. 

His eyes widened slightly. You had expressed a disdain for dating and seeing other people after your ex had left you. “Oh, uhm…” He scratched his head awkwardly. “Okay.” 

He turned around and went to his room. You stood there, cursing under your breath. The interaction had made you second guess everything. Were you genuinely ready to start seeing people again? 

Next morning, you leaned against the kitchen counter as your mom scolded you for your late arrival, you just remained silent.

“I had to organize the entire thing myself! Could you at least help me decorate the house?” 

You hummed in agreement, watching as she stressfully scrambled the eggs. 

“Can… Can I invite someone?” Your mom snapped her head in your direction, and you could feel your stepdad lift his gaze from the paperwork, his eyes now drilling into the back of your neck. You shifted your feet nervously, and it took all your willpower not to bolt back into your room.

In the end they agreed, and you had immediately texted Vanessa to invite her. She happily accepted, and you knew you had to give all you had to decorate that damn house.

Christmas Eve finally arrived. The guests started arriving and you had to receive them. You had to hug people you hadn’t seen in literal years.

As hours passed, your excitement to see Vanessa dimed. She hadn’t answered your texts, and she didn’t seem to have any intentions in coming to the party. You quietly opened the front door and slipped out onto the porch, making sure not to attract your mom's attention.

You sighed, resting your forehead on one of the porch’s pillars, the soft murmur of “Last Christmas” filling your eyes. It was cold, too cold for your liking. You considered going back inside and enduring all the loud noises and flashy lights.

“Not a fan of parties?” Vanessa’s voice startled you, and you turned around. Her hair was down, and she was wearing her wool trucker jacket over a beige sweater. You sighed, closing the distance with a hug which she quickly reciprocated. 

“I thought you weren’t going to come,” you pulled away slightly to look at her.

She chuckled softly, “Are you kidding? Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” You nuzzled your head onto the crook of her neck.

You hummed, staying silent for a moment. “Good,” you murmured against her neck as her soft hair brushed onto your face. “Because I don’t think I would survive this party without you being here with me.”

You heard the way Vanessa’s breath caught and smiled. 

“Sorry for being late,” she said softly. “I got called in for an emergency. Some moron was drunk driving, crashed into a light pole, and then invaded a family's house to avoid getting arrested.”

You winced softly at Vanessa’s explanation. "Some nights are just like that," you replied softly, leaning your head against hers, taking in the scent of her shampoo.

"Did they catch him?" you asked as you pulled away from her body and looked into her eyes. They glistened under the Christmas lights, and your heart skipped a beat.

Vanessa's cheeks reddened slightly as you leaned closer to her, and she pulled away slightly to look at you better. She gave you a sheepish smile and you couldn’t help but notice how cute she looked when she blushed.

She softly brushed the back of her hand against your cheek, feeling the heat that had spread across your skin. She stared at you for a moment, a soft look in her eyes.

“Don’t worry,” she spoke softly as she ran her down slowly from your face to your neck. “They caught him before I even arrived at the scene. One of the kids inside the house threw cold water at him, hopefully that’ll teach him a lesson.”

You chuckled, shaking your head. Vanessa grinned.

You stayed in a comfortable silence for a couple of minutes, just enjoying each other's presence. The voices inside the house got louder, and you checked your watch. 

“It’s Christmas,” you said. She looked back at the house, where the sounds of music and laughter filled the air. She smiled, and turned back to look at you. “It’s Christmas,” she repeated softly, eyes lingering on yours.

She grabbed your hands softly and pulled you closer to the entrance door. It was closed, you had made sure of it when you retreated from the party. You frowned slightly, a little confused and she chuckled at your expression.

She gave you an amused look as she pointed up. You lifted your gaze, realizing that hanging from the top part of the door frame was a small sprig of mistletoe. You felt your cheeks flush deeply, all the cold you had felt before disappearing instantly. You shifted your feet, unsure of what to do or say. It wasn’t that you didn’t want, but you felt that sting of insecurity from the previous days return. Were you really ready for this? The last time you had dated someone it hadn’t ended well.

Vanessa noticed your mood change, and her eyes softened. “It’s only a mistletoe,” she said as she brushed your chin with her fingers. “You don’t have to take the kiss if you don’t want to.”

"It's not that, I…" You sighed, looking away from her in shame. "The last relationship I had… Well, the break up was messy." She remained silent, waiting for you to continue. "I don't feel like I'm ready to kiss you just yet.”

Vanessa nodded slowly, her fingers softly tracing your jawline. “That’s alright,” she said softly, hiding the disappointment in her voice the best she could. “I won’t push you to do anything you’re not ready for. We can keep things at your pace.”

Before you could answer, the door opened and your mother came into view. It seemed like she wanted to say something but the words got stuck in her mouth. You felt a shiver of embarrassment run down your spine and you pulled away from Vanessa’s warmth. 

“Mom…” You said, sounding exasperated. She mumbled a quick apology, and then introduced herself to Vanessa. You stood there awkwardly while they talked. Vanessa smiled politely at your mom, side-eyeing you from time to time. When your mom offered her to come into the party, she declined gently. 

“I have to go home and rest anyway; I have an early shift,” she shrugged, turning her head to face you.

You felt like she was giving you the chance to say something else, but you just nodded, uncomfortable. 

She waved you and your mom goodbye and disappeared into the cold night.

"Why didn't you introduce us to your new girlfriend?" your mom asked a little accusingly. "She's not my girlfriend," you said, quickly brushing past her and making your way to your room. You heard her sigh loudly but you didn’t care, there was a lump forming on your throat.

As you collapsed on your bed, you started to wonder if it wouldn't have been better to just have kissed Vanessa instead of letting your insecurities win.

You didn’t hear from Vanessa until a couple of days later. You were lying in bed, ruminating on your poor decision-making when she sent you a message. 

‘Sorry for bailing on you.’

You jumped out of your bed, grabbing your phone to confirm that you weren't hallucinating. You read the message one, twice, thrice, and let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. You hadn’t ruined everything after all.

You quickly texted her back and everything went back to how it was before.

You were still worried of saying or doing something that could push Vanessa away again. Not because she gave signs that it could happen, but because you were afraid that something like what happened with your ex could occur again.

Vanessa was way different from your last relationship. She was more accepting of your personality, your desires, your likes and dislikes, and most importantly, she was patient with you. So long as you didn't do something drastic, you believed that she would accept you. But that "something drastic" was always within the realm of possibility, wasn't it? That nagging thought loomed over you like a dark cloud waiting to rain down on your happiness.

Days passed, the insecurity of ruining things was still very present in your mind, even when you were hanging with Vanessa.

Vanessa could feel something was wrong. You seemed distracted and worried, but she couldn't pinpoint what exactly. She knew that your last relationship had been disastrous, but she had tried everything in her power to make you comfortable.

You couldn't help it. You were paranoid that one mistake could ruin everything. Vanessa's patience was thinning, she wanted to continue with whatever was going on between you she couldn't understand why you were still so reluctant. Maybe it was time to have a conversation. Vanessa knew you well, she knew you had a hard time expressing your feelings. But she also knew how important talking about this for the both of you.

She decided to make a last effort, and invite you to spend New Years Eve with her.

You accepted immediately.

She picked you up at your house, and you knew your mom would make embarrassing comments later with the way she looked at you before you closed the door.

You wouldn’t say it out loud, but you were glad Vanessa had thought you were worthy of spending the night with her. You smiled softly when you got in the car, and Vanessa’s eyes sparked with delight at the sight of you.

“So, where are we going?” You asked while you fastened your seat belt.

“It’s a surprise,” she chuckled, steering the car towards the main street.

She took you to a nice restaurant for dinner, and afterward, you both headed to the town center together.

She took you for a stroll in the park, where you walked in a tree-lined avenue.

You could feel her gaze on you, but you didn’t dare to meet her eyes. “Something is going on with you,” she said, and you took a deep breath.

“What makes you say that?”

Vanessa stopped on her tracks, and you did too. “What makes me say it?” She said, baffled. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the fact that you’ve been acting like you need to be walking on eggshells everytime we see each other!”

You winced and looked away. She was right, and you knew it. The past days had been an emotional rollercoaster for the both of you. You couldn’t deny her logic, and you realized she was probably frustrated by your change of behavior.

"I just… I don’t want to make the same mistake again,” you whispered, gaze fixated on your shoes.

Her face softened.

"Sweetheart, there was never a mistake to begin with.”

Her words took you by surprise. She was so nonchalant about the worries that you’d been harboring that you felt like some of that weight was lifted off your shoulders. But not all of it.

“You don’t understand,” you said, a hint of desperation in your voice. “My last relationship– It ended so suddenly. She left, and I couldn’t do anything.” You let out a huge breath and closed your eyes. “I failed.” 

Vanessa reached out to you, taking your hands in hers. You opened your eyes, but still looked away. “You didn’t fail,” she said softly. 

“It takes two to make a relationship work, it’s not your fault.” 

She knew that you thought the way your former relationship ended was all your fault. That you somehow fucked up and that had driven your ex away, but she also hoped that you would see things differently through her eyes. 

“You don’t need to be perfect all the time, it’s okay to be yourself. It’s okay to let go.” She tried to convey in her voice her understanding. She knew the guilt and pain you were going through, and she wanted to help you let go of it. 

Vanessa’s words felt warm, comforting. Her voice was so soft and soothing. But deep down, you really couldn’t let go of the thought that this could end up just like your last relationship. 

But Vanessa was different, wasn’t she? You knew she actually liked you, with flaws, insecurities and all. The pain of being left behind left a deep wound on you, but with Vanessa the pain had started to fade away. 

“Are you sure?” You asked, finally meeting her gaze after what had felt like ages. 

She smiled at you, squeezing your hands. “Of course. Absolutely.” She licked her lips, thinking for a moment before speaking again. “You don’t need to worry about making some big mistake that will ruin what we have, I swear. You can be yourself around me. You deserve it.”

Her eyes sparkled with warmth, and love and the sudden surge of overwhelming relief was too much. You sighed, and leaned on her, burying your face against her shoulder. Vanessa chuckled as she wrapped her arms around you. It felt like the dark cloud hanging above your head was finally parting after the huge storm.

“So, what do you say?” She spoke softly. “Do you want to officially go on a date with me?”

She pulled away to look at you, “Maybe tomorrow, at that café down the street from your parent’s house?”

You smiled, “why not count this as a date?” You offered, and she beamed. 

“I’d love that.”

She brushed a strand of loose hair behind your ear and your heart skipped a beat. She glanced at your lips while licking hers, and finally asked. “Can I kiss you?”

You gave her a nervous smile, and nodded.

It was gentle, but firm, like she wanted to make sure it felt good, that it felt right. It lingered, maybe for a few seconds more than necessary, but you understood. She had been yearning for you for a while, and it felt amazing to be that close to her.

“I assume I can keep kissing you after this?” She whispered against your mouth and you laughed, shoving her playfully.

“You most definitely can,” you answered, rolling your eyes.

She bit her lip, and took your hand. “Come, people are starting to gather in the town’s square.” 

“The town’s square? Is that the surprise?” 

“Yep,” she gave you a cocky smile and you felt like kissing her off of her face.

You followed her giddily through the crowd. A lot of people were already gathered there. “What is this? New York?” You murmured and that drew a laugh out of Vanessa. 

“You’ll see,” she said, squeezing your hand. 

You two finally arrived at the front of the crowd, to what appeared to be a huge tripod made of wood, holding a bell.

“A bell?” You asked, incredulously. 

“They make the bell ring twelve times when midnight arrives,” she explained as you frowned.

“This didn’t happen when we were younger,” and she shook her hear. “It’s a new thing,” she chuckled. “It’s supposed to attract more tourists.” 

You scratched your head, “is it working?” 

She turned to face you, giving you a huge grin. “Nope!”

You laughed, leaning onto her shoulder. The square began to get incredibly crowded, so you held Vanessa’s hand more tightly.

The noise and the cheers were starting to get louder as midnight approached, and you both gazed up to the contraption. 

Maybe this wasn’t some extravagant New Year celebration like in the city where you lived, but being next to Vanessa, surrounded by her warmth definitely made it feel special. And when midnight struck and they rang the bell, you stood on your tiptoes to kiss her again. 

Maybe this year would be better.

A/N: Reblogs are appreciated. Btw I really had a hard time writing this, so I would really appreciate some feedback because I feel like I did really bad on this one lmao.

#fnaf #vanessa shelly #fnaf movie #vanessa shelly x reader #elizabeth lail

[hillbillyoracle]

Fuck Goals, Fuck Vision Boards

Task Management for Planning Averse

AKA Even People with Zero Direction in Life Deserve Nice Things

So if you don’t already follow Dana K. White on YouTube, you should. She’s the author of the blog A Slob Comes Clean and several books. What I’m going to talk about below is heavily inspired by her work which is why I wanted to cite her upfront but also seriously go check her videos out if you’re trying to declutter and get organized. 

Right now I’m mostly using her videos and it’s genuinely the only decluttering method that has ever worked for me. And one of the reasons it works for me where others haven’t is that it is a system that doesn’t rely on feelings or valuation. 

I realized that as I’ve gotten better at task management in my life - though lord knows the move has made that more complicated - I realized that not using feelings or judgement based questions is what really helped me. I also realized that I had 100% completely given up on goals. I had neglected to set goals for a couple years now and weirdly I got more productive, not less. What gives? 

Step 0: Give Up on Goals and the Fantasy Self

What I realized is that goals were really just a product of what a lot of decluttering folks call my “fantasy self”. My fantasy self woke up at 5am and did little work out videos but trying to leap to become that fantasy self fucking sucked. It was not enjoyable once the novelty wore off and it largely didn’t present enough benefit to justify doing it. 

Which meant I would stop and then I would feel bad about myself and I’d pick up bad habits to cope with the feeling and then I was worse off than before. 

So when I stopped setting goals, I stopped declining at least because there wasn’t that rebound effect where I self soothed using way too much ice cream and binge watching whatever I could find. I hit a baseline that wasn’t amazing but the stability was helpful. Only when I gave up on the fantasy life did my actual life get better.

Capitalism loves the fantasy self. People spend so much money to try to become their fantasy self and often don’t even benefit that much from it. Then the guilt of seeing that stuff around can lead folks to by more stuff to cope with the guilt. The only people winning are the companies who you buy from. 

Also, folks with executive dysfunction have a very hard time picturing what done looks like. So trying to picture your “ideal day” is low key a nightmare experience for someone like me. Mission Statements can be real intimidating when you’re not totally sure what those words will mean for the decisions you make. Vision boards...I’m sorry I know some folks love them but I really do not enjoy them. They’re a sensory overload of an experience to me from the crafting to taking them in. I’ve never made a vision board that really did much for me. 

I’ve also recently learned about The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin and I am definitely a Rebel. So too much pressure internal or external and I will find the quickest exit possible. Rebels are a small but sizeable portion of folks according to the authors research. Which means there are likely other people out there who also find goals to be way too much fucking pressure. 

This is all to say - fuck goals. But you’ve still got a life to live so how do you move the needle in the positive direction? 

Step 1: Initial Brain Dump

People would always tell me to brain dump but never really explained how. They were like “Yeah just get all this stuff in your head out on paper” and I’m like...I don’t even know what’s in my head unless I go looking for it. 

So I offer you two questions and two methods of gathering answers. 

When trying to brain dump, ask yourself: 

What do I spend a lot of time thinking about? 

What are the specific tasks associated with these subjects? 

If you can’t think of next specific tasks associated with those subjects, it does necessarily mean you need to strike it off you list, it’ll just be a little tougher to know where it fits. 

Sometimes I’m able to sit down and answer these questions all in one go. And sometimes it’s much easier to keep a running list in my phone and when I realize I’ve been thinking a lot about something I add it to the list. Then later I can sit down and come up with specific tasks or process it in step 2. 

Step 2: Task Punnett 

In step 2 I look at my list and ask myself two questions:

Do I already spend time doing this? 

Will I face a negative result if I don’t do this? 

This gives four categories a list item can be sorted into. 

Yes/Yes

The goal here is to prevent burnout so you don’t stop spending time doing these. Common ones are cooking, cleaning, or seeing friends. So it’s important to look at each of these and make sure they’re as easy and enjoyable as possible. 

It also helps to know what your minimum is for each so that if you’re burning out you can scale back to your minimum effective dose is that allows you to avoid the material harm but give you a break - like getting take out or having freezer meals on hand, knowing what the most important cleaning tasks are and only doing those, and at least sending texts or voice memos to friends to connect.

Yes/No

The goal here is to protect this time as much as possible. It’s what tends to go when Yes/Yes and No/Yes tasks start to get out of hand. That will look different for different people but it almost always involves capping Yes/Yes and No/Yes time and not allowing yourself to go over. As you might have guess most hobbies go here. 

Some people will need other people to help encourage them to keep doing it. Some people will need flexibility so it feels like they’re truly choosing it. Some people will need to refresh their memory that these kinds of activities are just as necessary as other types of tasks. 

Guilt and shame is a big one that keeps people from having many things going in this box but it can also be a lack of self knowledge too. We’re not exactly encouraged to explore what we truly deeply love. Mental illness can also make this box tricky as anhedonia can make everything feel bleh. 

In all of these cases, I really suggest making some sort of reflective practice something you try to keep in this box so you can notice what triggers guilt, what sparks joy, and what just isn’t working after a while. Doesn’t have to be journaling in the traditional sense. I used to turn on my computer cam and just talk but now that I need more audio privacy, this has been really helping me.  

No/Yes

I fucking hate this box in all honesty. It’s the one that drains me and makes me feel like shit to look at this list but also I feel the most badass when I actually complete something off of it. 

The goal with this box is to figure out what’s blocking you from this being a Yes/Yes. Basically finish the sentence “I don’t really want to do this because...” and you’re on your way. Most barriers can be dealt with. I used to not believe this but I promise it’s true. 

This is where having a therapist, good friend, or community where you can bounce ideas off of can really make all the difference. A reflection practice can also really help get a different perspective too.  Sometimes the barriers loom so large in our mind that adaptation seems ridiculous or impossible. Take advantage of different perspectives. 

Automation, delegation, and congregation (body double or a group) are incredibly useful tools here. Don’t do more here than you need to. 

What’s key in the second question for this section is that this is something you have the power to impact the outcome of. If you don’t have the power to change the outcome or you’ve done all you can, then the task is bracing, mitigating, and accepting, not dealing with the topic/task head on. 

No/No

There are 2 main things I find in this category - shit I agreed to because I felt obligated and someday maybe projects. For shit I agreed to, the only remedy is to just get out of it, to bail in the most graceful way possible. I also try to prevent stuff from winding up here to begin with (no more event planning for me for a while). 

For someday maybe projects, I like to keep a space - usually Notion - where I can collect my thoughts on it, projects, and pain a picture of what it would take to make it a Yes/No task someday in the future - always keeping in mind what I could do with the materials and time I have available right now. I’ve picked a quite a few of my No/No tasks this way and made them things I do regularly because I left myself those breadcrumbs for later. 

Step 3: Prioritizing without Feelings

So now you have your tasks organized into these buckets and know what to keep in mind with each. So...what do you do with them? 

A lot of people will tell you to prioritize and do the hardest first while your willpower is strong but I say fuck that my willpower is never strong so we’re going to do easiest first to build up some confidence. 

No/No - For obligations that no longer serve me, I bail. For someday maybe projects, I write up some quick notes in my little system in Notion.

Yes/No - gather and prep materials, block out time, ask someone to do it with you or find a group if needed

Yes/Yes - gather and prep materials, if burning out, switch to minimum viable

No/Yes - figure out the barriers, automate, delegate, congregate, list next steps

Stuck Tasks - Too much to go into here but this video is helpful.

Sometimes I bounce around a bit - dealing with a Yes/Yes task will suddenly give me the guts to deal with a stuck task, getting out of a No/No obligation will make a No/Yes task look easier. So I don’t limit myself to this. But when I’m having trouble I go back to the list and just trust. 

If I have avoided doing a No/Yes task for anywhere from several days to several weeks - it’s official a stuck task and I bounce it there while I work through other No/Yes tasks to deal with later. 

Sometimes time pressures will dictate that things need to be handled before others - that’s fine. But usually a crunch will either show you that you will not in fact face a negative consequence after all or give you a motivation boost to carry you through some of the difficult tasks. 

Step 4: Doing it again

So when do you do it again? 

I do my brain dumps on Sundays and sort them into area of life lists so I can work on them by theme or focus but honestly whenever. When I was really in the throws of some bad mood shit I’d only do it every few weeks or so. Any amount of doing this generally had lead to a better life though. 

What about stuff I’m not thinking a lot about? 

That usually means either you’ve got such a good system for it that it’s running on autopilot so why mess with success, the possible reward is not appealing enough, or the possible consequences don’t freak you out enough. 

This isn’t really a system I use for creating like...a good life by a neurotypical standard. It’s what I use to manage the stress, concern, and daydreams I’m having right now, to get things off of my plate and grow my confidence. 

So will this mean everything gets managed? No. But it does mean the stuff most likely to keep you up at night does. Which is a huge fucking boon. 

Conclusion

There’s some more intricacies in this too like moving No/No projects to Yes/No and No/Yes projects to Yes/Yes - it’s not the same strategies in my experience - but this is already running long. 

Hope this helps someone else out too! 

#studyblr #adhd #autism #planning #fuck goals

[asha-mage]

DELICIOUS LEWS THERIN AND ISHY SCENE

"I know how much you hate being alive. But I don't want to do this again." WOOF

Fascinating that this was apparently a targeted strike at the different Forsaken, probably picking them off before the strike against The Pit of Doom.

INTRO RETURNS AW YEAH

A part of me was kinda hoping for a new season 2 one with the Heroes of the Horn, but Spoilers probably meant it couldn;t be. Maybe next time. (Also the Aes Sedai one slaps anyways)

I will NEVER be able to forgive them for making so many hateable men so god damn hot, Bornhold topping the list. And by 'never be able to forgive' I mean 'never be able to thank enough'. (see also: Masema)

28 feels like to small a number of damane for the Seanchan to have in Falme, but I suppose it's a rough estimate and also not including those still in 'training'

The Watches Over the Waves have always been one of those loose threads that never really got touched on. Glad their getting a glancing shot here.

"Prophecies are just the lies of long dead witches" intereeeesting. Not a shocking take for the Whitecloaks to have.

AW YEAH THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE ROAD TRIP EVER

Dang Lanfear cold blooded still.

Perrin and Avi! Aw yeah again!

......Interesting. What is that mist I wonder?

I continue to be so happy they nailed the Aiel so right.

Man Lanfear and Ishamael really sound like they ARE trying to seduce Rand to be their third.

FUCK that's clever (re: The Whitecloak smoke trick)

Their changing the framing of the Egwene rescue a bit, but their keeping Nynaeve's half of it pretty the same, so I'm hoping it will play out like in the books. Still one of my favorite scenes in the series.

Of course Ishamael steps out of that room and IMMEDIATELY knows that Lanfear is trying to play him

Mat! And Padan Fain! Surprised we aren't getting more of a reaction to Padan Fain is A Darkfriend from Mat, but that is a reveal that's pretty old to the audience at this point.

Moiraine and Lan! Platonic marriage re-established!

I like that they gave this speech to Loial re: heroes of a new age. It's very fitting for his character.

Offff. At least it's white cloaks so Egwene isn't going to have nearly as much guilt for slaughtering them.

FUCK

RANDA AL'THOR YOU ARE THE FUNnIEST PERSON ON THE PLANET

on the one hand i've always loved the Turak vs Rand duel, on the other....yeah probably does not have the sword trainining needed to do that this time round.

By Turak! At least you got to take Suroth down a peg this time!

Glad they kept the ritual suicide of the So'jhin re: Turak's death. It's one of those moments for hitting home just how fucked the Seanchan culture is.

.....Interesting choice to cut Ingtar's confession, especially after making a point to show the Shienar falcon early in the season. By Ingtar!

Oh hey Domon! You took Moiraine's advice I see.

'Take them to the deepest part of the ocean and dump them' Pffffffft. Peak Lanfear

MAY MAKING A NAGINTA WITH THE DAGGER IS SO A?UAHGAUSDUGHASUDGHASDGAUHSDGASUHFADSUHFASDFUH?ASDFASDFASDFAS

[It was at this point that I lost all coherence and stopped being able to liveblog effectively so here are some of my assorted post credits thoughts]

MOIRAINE AND LAN KILLING IT ONCE MORE

I have conflicted feelings about Egwene actually killing Renna, related mostly to the scene from the books being so important to the under laying themes of justice and fate, but I also can't deny that with it's shifted framing, it makes complete sense for the characters, and it heightens the ongoing theme of 'The Forsaken where to Lews what the EF5 where to Rand'.

I also have conflicted feelings about Nynaeve not being the one to heal Rand's wound, but I understand the logic of the choice, even if I don't agree with it.

On the other hand it is BRILLIANT AND INCREDIBLY SMART CHOICE to have Bornhold Senior be the one to kill Hopper, and Perrin to kill him in revenge. It's going to make the Two Rivers stuff A Lot More. It will also make Perrin's conviction to give himself up to the Whitecloaks make a lot more sense.

MAT BEING A HERO OF THE HORN IS INTERESTING BECAUSE MAT SPECIFICALLY WASN'T IN THE BOOKS- HE REFUSED REPEATEDLY THROUGH MANY LIVES. This lends credence to the 'future turning of the wheel' credence of the show which I've always favored anyways.

The scene where all these pivotal character moments are happening while Mat blows the horn, all these different arcs turning on their head, is SO FUCKING BRILLIANT

ALSO CONGRATS ON THE PROMOTION TO HERO OF THE HORN UNO

They don't specifically name drop any heroes in the scene, and I'll have to go back with X Ray to see if any are named, but THEIR SURE IS A BLONDE ARCHER LADY IN THAT SHOW SO FOR NOW HIGH BIRGITTE

ALSO HIGH ARTUR HAWKWING I ASSUME on the one hand it feels weird for your line to be directed at Mat instead of Rand. On the other your part in this scene originally was really just to drive home beyond any shadow of doubt, any ability of Rand to deny it to himself for a reason beyond stubbornness, that he was the Dragon. Rand's already accepted that here so you're not strictly speaking necessary for that, but still.

The shot where everyone is standing united against Ishamael is SO FUCKING GOOD.

Also by Ishamael! We'll see you in a few seasons in your newer, hotter, twinkier body!

(I don't envy the actor that has to live up to Fares Fares, it's going to be no easy task).

ALSO ENTER: THE OTHER FORSAKEN, dun dun dun!

Moggy fucking with Lanfear is so fucking good. FEED IT TO ME SLOWLY WITH GRAPES

GIRL SET HER TRAP AND WAITED FOR LANFEAR TO WALK INTO IT JUST SO SHE COULD GET THE UPPER HAND AND GLOAT IN AN OVERWHELMINGLY LESBIAN WAY WHAT AN ICON

Oh man I am going to rewatch and binge this entire season like FORTY TIMES.

#WoT #WoT on PRime #Wheel of Time #Wheel of Time On Prime #WoT Book Spoilers #ACOS Spoilers #*deep breath* #rand al'thor #ishamael #perrin aybara #loial #Mat cauthon #Egwene al'vere #moiraine damodred #nynaeve al'meara #lan mandragoran #elayne trakand #lanfear #turak aladon #Ingtar #Padan Fain #Suroth Sabelle Meldarath #Renna emain #still surprised she eventually got a last name in World Of #dain bornhald #masema dagar #this probably as good as it's gonna get for right now #more thoughts to come as I managed to form them out of the mass of BRAIN JUICE #WoT S2 e8 #almost forgot that one

[timotey]

Ficlet: Like Back Then Again

The Sign. Yai & Tharn. Missing scene from ep 6. Discussion of deep depression. Unbeta'd.

Yai just knows that there's something going on.

(I loved the little details about Tharn that ep 6 revealed. Ergo, a fic happened. Tadaaaa! 👐🏻)

***

“Yai?” Tharn blinks, all puzzled, when he opens the door of his condo and finds his childhood friend standing there, a box full of beer in one hand.

Without waiting for an invitation, Yai barges in. “My wife is out on the town with her posse, most likely doing things that I don't want to know or think about. So, it’s your duty as my bro to entertain me.” He dumps the box on the kitchen counter, the bottles rattle loudly, and grabbing one, he sprawls on the couch comfortably.

Tharn blinks again, puzzled by this logic. “O-kay?” he rather asks than says and closes the door softly.

“Have one!” Yai invites him, opening his bottle with a pop and taking a swig.

Tharn obliges, though he doesn’t really feel like drinking, and sits down on the other end of the couch, pressing himself into the corner and pulling his knees to his chest. He doesn’t open his bottle, just rolls it in his hand, studying its colorful label without truly seeing it. He looks very tired.

Yai watches him with narrowed eyes for a moment, then, after another swig of beer, he says briskly, “Okay, brother, what’s going on? Spill. For days now, you’ve been really… weird. I mean, weirder than usual, you know?”

Tharn glances at him sideways, then starts peeling the label off the bottle, bit by bit, pretending to fully focus on this task. “I have no idea what you mean,” he mumbles.

Yai rolls his eyes. “Dude! It’s me.” He jabs himself in the chest with his thumb. “If you can’t talk to me, then to who? Did something happen? With Phaya? Or?” he presses on relentlessly because he knows, he just knows, that there’s something going on. And it’s not nosy curiosity driving him on but genuine concern for his best friend.

For a moment it seems like Tharn won’t answer. But then the label on his bottle rips and a crack in the wall that he surrounded himself with appears. “I hit him,” Tharn whispers, gripping the bottle with both of his hands and smoothing down the damaged label with his thumbs.

Yai frowns. “Who?”

Tharn swallows. “I hit Phaya. He had a row with the Doc and he kept pushing and pushing and I-I… I hit him.” His voice cracks a little and he swallows.

Silence. Yai just stares. Then, leaning forward, he sets his half-empty bottle down on the coffee table and turns to Tharn. Very softly, very gently he asks, “Tharn, what’s going on? Something’s the matter, I know it. Because you don’t go around punching people, not anyone, let alone the guy you have feelings for.”

Tharn keeps staring down at the unopened bottle in his hands, knees pulled up defensively. He’s not answering, not even to claim having no feelings for Phaya, but Yai’s determined to wait him out.

Swallowing hard again, Tharn tries to speak and fails, tries again and this time, “It’s… it’s starting to feel like back then… again. Things… and all.”

Back then. Tharn doesn’t need to elaborate. Yai still remembers ‘back then’, vividly so. Back then when Tharn’s love died, unexpectedly and nonsensically, and Tharn was swallowed by a pit of depression so deep and dark that Yai feared he would never find his way out again.

Taking a deep breath, Yai clenches his hands tight, so tight that his knuckles turn white, but his voice is calm when he asks, “How bad?”

Tharn still doesn’t look at him. “Not as bad, I can manage,” he mutters lamely.

But Yai frowns. “No, Tharn, you don’t ‘manage’ this, not this,” he says kindly but firmly. “You gave me your word back then that if you ever started feeling like that again, you would seek help. And I am holding you to that promise, brother.”

Tharn hunches his shoulders a little as if guilt rested heavily on them.

But Yai won’t back down, not on this. Because he doesn’t want to see Tharn suffer like that again, he doesn’t want to go to bed every night, fearing that Tharn won’t be there anymore when he wakes up. Those memories still give him the chills.

“Maybe it would be a good idea to go back to therapy,” Yai suggests. “You know that Doc Chalothon would make time for you, always, for you.”

Tharn cringes a little. “I’m not so sure it would be such a good idea. To have him as my therapist again, considering…” He doesn’t finish the sentence.

Yai does it for him. “Considering your crush hates his guts for some unfathomable reason?”

Tharn waves his hand a little instead of answering but it’s an answer in itself.

“Fine,” Yai says. “Then find another therapist.”

Frowning, Tharn protests, “But that would probably hurt Doctor Chalothon’s feelings and–”

But Yai cuts him off, “Fuck him.” 

This time Tharn does look at him, startled.

“You heard me,” Yai says. “I like the Doc, he’s done marvels for you back then and I will be forever grateful to him for that. But fuck him. And fuck Phaya, too, even though I am convinced he would be good for you, that he would make you really happy. But fuck him too. This isn’t about them. It’s about you. What you need.”

“It’s not that simple…” Tharn whispers, looking at him with eyes that seem way too dull and lifeless.

“Yeah, yeah it is!” Yai snaps harshly. “You want to go back to therapy with the Doc? Then go for it. You want to find someone else? Then do. I will help you. We can look up someone right now.”

Tharn lowers his eyes again. Something in Yai’s chest hitches. He and Tharn are almost the same height yet Tharn’s always felt somehow smaller to him. But right now, right now he feels almost insubstantial to Yai, like he’s fading, and it’s scaring the shit out of Yai.

He scoots closer on the couch. “Look, if you feel put under pressure, I’ll run interference for you,” Yai offers, leaning down to catch Tharn’s eyes. “I’ll go to the Doc and explain the situation to him. Hell, I’ll talk to Phaya for you and tell him to back the fuck off for a while. Anything, Tharn, you know that.”

Tharn finally looks up again, smiles a little. “Yeah, I do.”

Yai relaxes just a fraction. He reaches out and pulls Tharn into an one-armed hug. Tharn lets him, leaning heavily against Yai who can almost feel Tharn’s bone-deep exhaustion now. It breaks his heart a little.

“It’s just all too much,” Tharn admits quietly, closing his eyes.

Yai hugs him tight, wrapping both arms around Tharn. “It’s going to be alright, brother,” he says. “We will deal with this. I know that. Just lean on me and we will kick this thing in the ass.”

Releasing a deep, shuddery breath, Tharn allows himself to relax, pent-up tension flowing out of his body, leaving him feeling all boneless and loose. “Okay,” he says. “Alright, we can do that.”

And Yai nods fiercely. “Of course we can. Trust me!”

#the sign #the sign the series #my fics #my the sign fics #mé

[the-savage-garden]

Nitpicking ACOWAR Ch 17

It's a real struggle to motivate myself in reading this book, like, I have to remind myself I'm doing this to become a better writer but that doesn't mean it's not frustrating. There's quite a bit of more info-dumping and repeating information, a lot of characters feel more like set pieces than anything. And weird dialogue. Sorry if this seems long, a lot of this is more for me so it's messy. Since there's a lot of repeats I might be able to cut things down eventually but I have no idea what to expect in future chapters.

Chapter 17

-Cassian carries Feyre back to the House 2 hours later, he admits it’s so he can strengthen his wings

-They apparently stopped debating 30 minutes ago because Mor was hungry.

-”We’d spent our time weighing the merits of where to meet, who to bring along to the meeting with the High Lords.” It bothers me that this happened off-page, the previous chapter with most of the info-dumping could’ve been cut so that it could include the planning of the meeting instead.

-”Invitations would go out tomorrow—but not specify the meeting place. There was no point in selecting one, Rhys said, when the High Lords would no doubt refuse our initial selection and counter with their own choice of where to gather.” This is dumb, I’m pretty sure this isn’t how you conduct a meeting. Why would the other High Lords refuse the NC’s choice of location when the NC are the one giving out the invitations in the 1st place?

-They detoured to the townhouse for a quick change of clothes, Feyre was met with the smiles of Cerridwen and Nuala there.

-”I’d snapped at him. In Amren’s apartment. He hadn’t seemed angry, and yet … I’d felt him carefully watching me these past few hours. It’d made it … strange to look at him. Strange enough that the appetite I’d been steadily building had gone a bit queasy. I’d challenged him before, but … not as High Lady. Not with the … tone.” This is written so messily that I’m not even sure what the point of this was.

-”...Nuala and Cerridwen helped me dress […] Not that there was much finery to bother with. I’d opted for my Illyrian leather pants and a loose, white shirt—and a pair of embroidered slippers […]” Why would there be a need for a servant's help in getting dressed when you have such simple fashion for royalty?

-Cassian makes fun of Feyre’s choice in footwear, he also brings up Nesta during their petty arguing.

-“Would you use her to see if she can somehow fix the wall?” [Feyre asks Cassian] Why does Feyre talk about her sister like this? 

-“Yes. Not only for our sakes, but … she needs to get out of the House. She needs to …” [...] “She’ll destroy herself if she stays cooped up in there.” Why are they treating Nesta like she’s a child? She went through something traumatic so she’s going to react to it differently. How does Cassian even know what she needs? He doesn’t even know her!

-Feyre and Cassian continue to talk about how Nesta has “changed” and how it’s like “looking at a house cat and suddenly finding a panther standing there instead.”

-[“Why?” They’d always been at each other’s throats, but this … yes, the dynamic between them had been different earlier. Sharper.] SJM seems to think the dynamics between Nesta and Cassian are different but I find them to be the same.

-Cassian seems to be going through survivor’s guilt about what happened to Nesta and Elain, at least I think that’s what it’s supposed to be. Feyre points out that Cassian couldn’t do anything because his wings were shredded at the time. Cassian had made a promise to Nesta and feels bad that he couldn’t keep it.

-”I still dreamed of him trying to crawl toward her, reaching for her even in the semi-unconscious state the pain and blood loss had thrown him into. As Rhysand had once done for me during those last moments with Amarantha.” Keeping note of this.

-“Why do you bother, Cassian?” It is SO obvious that Cassian and Nesta are mates, how has no one noticed this?

-”[...] especially not when Rhys gracefully landed beside us and strode in ahead with a wink.” I hate the shameless winking everyone keeps doing in this book.

-”[...] Lucien [...] was wearing a fine green jacket embroidered with gold, his cream-colored pants showing off muscled thighs, and his knee-high black boots polished enough that the chandeliers of faelight reflected off them.” Continuing to note outfits. Also why does faelight seem no different to lightbulbs?

-[“What is the dress code?” I shrugged, passing him the glass of wine I’d brought over. “It’s … whatever we feel like.”] This is stupid. The start of this conversation means nothing.

-[“What did you do with yourself this afternoon?” “Slept,” he said. “Washed. Sat on my ass.”] It annoys me that in both ACOMAF and ACOWAR it keeps insisting that Lucien “sat around” when he helped Feyre a lot, the one thing he didn’t do was take Feyre away from Tamlin but apparently that’s enough to say he didn’t do anything. This could’ve been written better.

-Feyre offers Lucien a tour of Velaris to prove to him how much she cares for this place. Lucien tells her not to bother and understands that Spring was small and isolated to Feyre. This bothers me, Spring and the other courts were constantly under attack from Amarantha, but Velaris never suffered under her so of course it’s going to be idyllic compared to everywhere else, that’s an unfair comparison.

-[“Who could compare?” I almost said Don’t you mean what could compare? but held my tongue.] What was the point of this?

-So, Feyre earlier mentions that Nesta surprised everyone by showing up for dinner and after the conversation with Lucien she repeats that Nesta showed again.

-Repeating how beautiful Nesta has become now that she’s High Fae.

-”And in a long-sleeved, dark blue gown that clung to her curves before falling gracefully to the ground in a spill of fabric …” […] “ [...] the faelight shimmering along the silver combs in her upswept hair.”  More notes on outfits.

-[“Where did that dress come from?” Mor said, red gown flowing behind her as she breezed toward Nesta. My sister drew up short, shoulders tensing, readying to— But Mor was already there, fingering the heavy blue fabric, surveying every stitch. “I want one,” she pouted. Her attempt, no doubt, to segue into an invitation to shop for a larger wardrobe with me. As High Lady, I’d need clothes—fancier ones. Especially for this meeting. My sisters, too.] Why does this read like Nesta is being used as a prop in this conversation?

-”Mor’s brown eyes flicked to mine, and I had to fight the crushing gratitude that threatened to make my own burn as I approached them.“ What? How does this relate to the previous one? I’m confused why Feyre feels gratitude to the idea of shopping?

-Rhys, Az, and Cassian listen in on the boring conversation. Feyre mind-speaks and calls them busybodies to Rhys, he laughs in response in her mind.

-Mor says something about Rhys having beautiful women’s outfits lying around somewhere, he also won’t tell Mor where he got Feyre’s Starfall dress. I’m just going to assume Rhys is a secret cross-dresser.

-Cassian is fixed on what Mor and Nesta are doing.

-[Mor only examined the silver combs in Nesta’s hair. “It’s a good thing we’re not the same size— or else I might be tempted to steal that dress.” “Likely right off her,” Cassian muttered. Mor’s answering smirk wasn’t reassuring.] Wait, is Mor flirting with Nesta? What exactly did SJM want the reader to take away from this?

-”She looked Mor up and down—noting the dress that exposed much of her midriff, back, and chest, then the flowing skirts with sheer panels that revealed glimpses of her legs. Scandalous, by human fashions.” I still don’t know what human fashion is supposed to be in this world.

-[“Fortunately for you,” Nesta said flatly, “I don’t return the sentiment.”] This reads more like Nesta isn’t interested in taking Mor’s clothes off, but the book makes it seem like an insult instead? I guess it’s supposed to be Nesta not liking Mor’s dress.

-Azriel coughs into his wine, Nesta sits down at the table, and Mor says they need more wine. Nesta overhears the wine comment and stiffens. Cassian leaves to get more wine which upsets Nesta even more.

-[Teasing my sister, poking fun at her … I snatched a seat at Nesta’s side and murmured, “They mean well.” Nesta just ran a finger over her ivory-and-obsidian place setting, examining the silverware with vines of night-blooming jasmine engraved around the hilts. “I don’t care.”] So far Nesta is interesting.

-Amren talks to Nesta next. Cassian returns with bottles of wine in each hand and “cringed”. Nesta asks Amren why her eyes glow, apparently this means Nesta has no fear. Amren claims the “busybodies” have never asked her that. Everyone else is concerned about this conversation.

-Amren explains her eyes glow because the containment spell on her couldn’t hide what’s beneath her. Nesta asks what’s beneath her. Everyone gets scared and Lucien “had turned the color of fresh paper.” Amren says no one’s asked her that either. Nesta asks why again but without a question mark. Amren says it’s not polite to ask and because they’re afraid.

-Amren claims that Nesta and her are the same. Everyone else is dramatically reacting to them still.

-[“Not in flesh, not in the thing that prowls beneath our skin and bones …” Amren’s remarkable eyes narrowed. “But … I see the kernel, girl.” Amren nodded, more to herself than anyone. “You did not fit—the mold that they shoved you into. The path you were born upon and forced to walk. You tried, and yet you did not, could not, fit. And then the path changed.” A little nod. “I know—what it is to be that way. I remember it, long ago as it was.”] I was going to summarize this but found it easier to copy-paste it to look back on.

-Nesta has apparently mastered the Fae’s preternatural stillness faster than Feyre. Nesta tells Amren that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

-[Amren’s red lips parted in a wide, serpentine smile. “When you erupt, girl, make sure it is felt across worlds.”] Giving me deja vu, it’s similar to a quote about Katniss from The Hunger Games I think.

-Rhys derails the conversation and thinks that Amren has been taking drama lessons from the theater across the street from her place. Amren glares at him and says she’s being serious. Rhys says he wants to eat before Amren makes everyone lose their appetite. Rhys gives Feyre a reassuring squeeze, I find it funny how Rhys has badly treated Feyre but then you get moments like this, what a mess.

-”Cassian took the seat on Amren’s left, Azriel beside him, Mor grabbing the seat opposite him, leaving Lucien …” Keeping note so I know where everyone is, I’m sure it’ll change knowing this book.

-[Lucien frowned at the remaining place setting at the head of the table, then at the blank, barren spot across from Nesta. “I—shouldn’t you sit at the head?”] I think Lucien says this because his father probably drilled it in his head about where his place is but I’m sure the book will somewhere blame Tamlin on it instead.

-[Rhys raised an eyebrow. “I don’t care where you sit. I only care about eating something right”—he snapped his fingers—“now.”] The way this is written makes me think that Rhys is just being childish honestly.

-”The food, prepared by cooks I made a point to go meet in the belly of the House, appeared across the table in platters and spreads and bowls. Roast meats, various sauces and gravies, rice and bread, steamed vegetables fresh from the surrounding farms … I nearly sighed at the smells curling around me.” I remember back in ACOMAF when Feyre thought that the Night Court has better food than Spring, but this is the same type of food both Courts have and I find that funny.

-Feyre tells Lucien that he’ll get used to the informality. This whole plot point will forever bother me.

-[“Honestly,” I said to Lucien, who wordlessly stacked a pile of buttery green beans onto his plate but didn’t touch it, perhaps marveling at the simple fare, so at odds with the overwrought dishes of Spring, “Azriel is the only polite one.”] The food comparisons of Night and Spring are so confusing to me.

-Mor and Cassian are pretending to feel offended by Feyre’s comment about Az being the only polite one. Mor doesn’t want to sound like a heathen but Rhys thought she’d find it to be a compliment. Nesta watches the exchange like it’s a “sporting match” and Feyre starts to pile food on Nesta’s plate. While Feyre moves on to get her own food Nesta notes that she understands what Feyre had meant about the food.

-”It took me a moment to recall—to remember that particular conversation back at our father’s estate, when she and I had been at each other’s throats over the differences between human and Fae food.” Using this to cross-reference with ACOMAF.

-Feyre wonders if Nesta was giving a compliment but her sister doesn’t answer and goes to eat instead.

-Feyre then jarringly shifts the conversation to ask Cassian about when they can start training tomorrow. Cassian answers that he’ll let Feyre sleep in and start training at 7 instead of at dawn.

-[“I’d hardly call that sleeping in,” I said. “For an Illyrian, it is,” Mor muttered. Cassian’s wings rustled. “Daylight is a precious resource.” “We live in the Night Court,” Mor countered.] In ACOMAF it’s explained that the Night Court isn’t even in permanent night so I don’t know why Mor made that comeback, it doesn’t make sense.

-[Cassian only grimaced at Rhys and Azriel. “I told you that the moment we started letting females into our group, they’d be nothing but trouble.”] Gross. Also confusing that this is the response to the previous one.

-The sexist conversation continues. I’m not summarizing it.

-”Cassian gave her a vulgar gesture that made Lucien choke on his green beans.” I don’t know why Lucien reacts to this?

-Cassian says that Az said a similar thing about wanting to look at pretty faces, Mor said he didn’t. They act childish to each other, Amren tells Rhys not to bring them to the High Lord meeting. Feyre glances at Lucien who's surprised to hear about the meeting and then to Nesta who’s ignoring them.

-Rhys tells Lucien about the meeting.

-”Lucien looked at him then, the curiosity in that one eye unmistakable.” I know that Lucien has a fake eye but I’m confused why Feyre only notes the emotions of his real eye instead. Why not just write that his face was lit up with curiosity instead?

-Lucien asks Rhys if he’s going to keep Feyre’s powers secret from the other High Lords. Rhys says it’s between him and Feyre to decide. Lucien also tells Feyre that his father would kill her if it meant that he would get back his powers from her and work with Hybern. Rhys snarls from that because he’s an asshole. Then Lucien tells Azriel he should try to find out if Beron and his brothers know about Feyre’s powers and plan the meeting from there.

-[Mor said, “Eris might keep that information to himself and convince the others to as well, if he thinks it’ll be more useful that way.” I wondered if Mor looked at that red hair, the golden-brown skin that was a few shades darker than his brothers’, and still saw Eris.] I’m a little confused how Mor knows that Eris would do that, I don’t remember her saying she knew him that well. Also since when has Lucien had a darker complexion than his brothers?

-Lucien reiterates what he just said again. Also brings up that if his family had the information about Feyre they might use it to control the meeting somehow, or they’ll skip the meeting and just go to Hybern instead. Rhys tells Lucien to talk to Azriel about the details tomorrow.

-”None of us were dumb enough to ask if he’d be willing to reveal details on the Spring Court. If he thought that Tamlin would arrive. That was perhaps a conversation best left for another time. With just him and me.” So… is Lucien still friends with Tamlin since this is brought up?

-”For whatever he was about to reveal, whatever plans he had decided not to reveal until now. And even as my stomach tightened, some sort of thrill went through me at it—at that clever mind at work.” Feyre still thinks Rhys is clever. Hilarious.

-[Until Rhys said, “There is another meeting that needs to be had—and soon.”] Ugh, another one?

#anti sjm #anti acowar

[jjtheresidentbaby]

Ok I’m back, same anon as last.

Emily and Hotch have a rule about no drinking around a regressed JJ because of one night during a team dinner, JJ snuck into it when they weren’t watching and then proceeded to dump the bottle all over Rossi’s carpet. It ended with JJ crying thinking everyone was mad at her but Hotch just carried her to another room and rocked her to sleep.

No Tears | Aaron Hotchner x Jennifer Jareau

a/n: this whole idea makes me sob so hard, rossi would be such a good uncle telling Jj he can just buy a new carpet (also I know you said Cg hotchniss but I kinda forgot to add Emily in so I’m tagging it as just Hotch and Jj)

warnings: crying, uncle!rossi, dada!hotch (Ive been in such a Cg rossi mood recently my god)

───°˖✧✿✧˖° ───

-

Even with Hotch and Rossi both assuring Jj that it’s okay and it was just an accident, she can’t seem to calm down, not only from the guilt of knocking a bottle of red wine across Rossi’s white carpet, but also the noise of the bottle smashing that alerted all the adults in the house that something was wrong.

“Baby I swear it’s okay, uncle rossi isn’t upset with you.” It doesn’t do anything to calm down the crying blonde that only seems to become more worked up as this goes on. Hotch notes the time, close to Jj’s bedtime on a normal night, it’s no wonder she’s so fussy.

“Come here sweet girl, it’s okay, dadas right here.” Thankfully Jj listens and throws herself into Hotchs arms, laying her head against his shoulder while he starts to bounce them in place, hopefully it’ll help the tears to stop.

“That’s it sweetheart, it’s all okay.” He murmurs while glancing over to where Garcia and Derek pick up shards of glass from the carpet and Rossi stands behind them looking worriedly at Hotch and Jj.

“I think Rossi’s worried about you.” Aaron whispers to Jj, her crying has become sniffles, she pulls off him at the words and turns to look at Rossi, making grabby hands for the man that all but runs over.

“I hate seeing you cry little lady, there’s no reason for tears in this house.” Rossi assures, lifting Jj from Hotchs hip to place her on his own, the blonde goes with a little giggle at Rossi’s uncoordinated stumble of getting her fitted comfortably to his side.

“That’s much better, no tears, only smiles and laughs.” Aaron chimes in, rubbing his hand at Jj’s back while she tiredly leans into Rossi.

“I think someone’s tired, you care if I-?” Hotch doesn’t even have to finish his sentence before Rossi cuts him off and nods.

“Take whatever room you need Aaron.” He gives a smile then hands Jj off so she’s able to put down in one of the many bedrooms that take up Rossi’s mansion.

#jj writes #criminal minds agere #little!jj #caregiver!hotch #aaron hotchner #jennifer jareau #jj x hotch

[blackholelynn]

His Salvation - Part Seven

<- Read Part Six

Summary: You have left your old life behind and started over with Dean, but you soon realize that you know almost nothing about the hunter you now live with.

Pairings: Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: Nightmares, aftermath of grief/loss, description of suffocation, swearing - these warnings are for the series of parts as a whole, so while some of these warnings may not apply on this part, they will apply for future parts.

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: It's finally finished! I'm not going to pretend that I have any excuse for not posting the final part of this, but it's done! Not exactly a happy ending, but who knows?

Series Tag List: @leigh70

Dean Winchester/Jensen Ackles Tag List: @siospins2

Supernatural Tag List: @hobby27

Also cross-posted on my AO3 account, you can read it here!

~~~

Dean woke up with his entire body screaming in pain, which wasn't unfamiliar to him. What did surprise him was the white and slightly scratchy hospital linens clinging to him. In his haze, he felt the irritation of the IV in his left arm and moved to promptly remove it, not thinking of the aftermath.

A gentle hand rested over his, one he recognized and trusted, and immediately he stopped what he was doing. "You need to leave that in. You lost a lot of blood."

"You're still here," Dean said, more to himself than to you. His jaw was slack in awe, and the relief was making his eyes glassy.

You squirmed under his gaze, ducking your head to avoid it. "I wasn't going to dump you at a hospital without making sure you were okay. Not when it was my fault you got hurt."

"Sweetheart, you're why Sammy isn't preparing a hunter's funeral for me." His hand reached for you, and you didn't shy away from his touch for the first time in a while. You weren't sure who needed it more – you or him. He cupped your cheek, running his thumb along your cheekbone. "You did good."

You leaned into his touch, feeling a few errant tears escape. "No. I didn't. I froze, and you nearly died because of it.”

“But I didn’t.”

Even though he was right, Dean’s words didn’t soothe the guilt that was starting to fester deep inside you. Would any of this have even happened if you hadn’t left the bunker? If you hadn’t gone with them in the first place? The thought of the alternatives terrified you more than anything, and you stood up from the chair by Dean’s bedside, pacing to release some of the anxiety.

“But you might next time. I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can,” Dean insisted earnestly. He sat up in bed, grimacing with the effort, and looked at you imploringly. “Look, you were right. I shouldn’t have been treating you like a kid. We can start going on hunts together, and Sammy and I will show you the ropes. Trust me–”

Tears started to stream down your cheeks as you crossed your arms, shrinking in on yourself. “Dean, I don’t even know what I want anymore! I mean, I ran off with you without a second thought, like I was some…some Disney princess! Like you were my prince charming that would make all the pain disappear, but that’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works, and I can’t stay.”

“What are you saying?” His voice broke, a vulnerability that was rare for him to show. It broke your heart, but you knew what you needed.

“I’m saying I stayed to make sure you were okay, but I’m leaving. I have no idea who the hell I am anymore, and until I figure that out, this isn’t going to work.”

And then you turned and left the room in a rush. He called out something after you, but all of your senses were completely wrecked as you scurried away from yet another problem. A contentious voice inside you scolded you for not being able to have a conversation – the adult conversation that needed to be had – but it wasn’t something you were capable of at that moment. You felt like you were crawling out of your skin.

Sam was pensively sitting in the hallway, and when he saw you leave the room, he quickly stood in your way to try and talk to you. “He’s awake?”

“Yeah,” you answered simply, trying to go around him.

But he stopped you by gingerly grabbing your arm. “Woah, what’s going on? Did something happen in there?”

“I just…” Your brain stuttered, trying to find the words to explain what had just happened, but it couldn’t put anything together. The only thing you could do was look up at Sam in sad confusion, starting to cry even harder. You desperately wiped at the tears running down your cheeks in an attempt to stay somewhat composed, but it was an exercise in futility.

“Okay, let’s just take a moment,” Sam offered, guiding you to one of the chairs in the hallway. He sat beside you and attempted to comfort you as you cried, one hand on your back to try and ground you. Once it seemed like you’d be able to speak again, he asked, “Is everything okay?”

You quickly nodded as you pulled yourself back together again. “Yeah, I’ll be okay. I have a favor that I need to ask you, though, Sam.”

“Of course. Anything.”

“Take care of Dean for me?” When you saw the confused expression on Sam’s face, you added, “I’m not going back to the bunker.”

Sam stilled for a second, processed what you said, and offered a small and understanding smile. “Okay. Do you mind if I ask you one question first?”

“Shoot.”

“I’m not asking this to try and convince you to stay. I just want to know: are you sure?”

It was the first time someone had asked you that question, and it hadn’t been accusatory. Just a genuine question coming from a place of concern. So you thought about it.

The last few months you had spent with Dean crossed your mind. All the good memories came first, like the movies you had watched, the nights you had shared, and the few times you had left the bunker to have “proper” dates. But those times weren’t the only ones. The nights you had shared were soured by the constant nightmares. All the times you spent with him in the bunker were plagued by the grief that followed you like a dark shadow. You remembered those few dates fondly, but you also recognized the terror of being outside those concrete walls.

You returned Sam’s smile, although yours was more forced. “Yeah, I’m sure. I’ve got a lot to work through, and I need to do it on my own. I don’t know how yet or what I’m going to do, but I know that’s where my focus needs to be.”

“Alright,” Sam conceded, standing up from the chair. “Then I’m guessing this is goodbye?”

“Yeah,” you answered as you stood. “I’m sure I’ll see you guys again, though, so don’t forget about me.”

Sam chuckled at your teasing tone and pulled you into a small hug. “Never. You’re welcome anytime.”

It was a warm moment that broke up some of the despair of the most recent events, but as always, those moments come to an end. You returned the hug briefly and, after that, left the hospital. You didn’t turn back, tried not to even think about turning back, because you knew that your resolve wasn’t strong enough to go through with it if you didn’t go all in.

Sam stayed in the hospital and entered Dean’s hospital room to evaluate the aftermath. He only found his older brother staring off into space, looking lost. It was clear that the loss Dean had been so afraid of had just occurred, and to make matters worse, he was part of the reason it had happened.

The younger Winchester took your place at Dean’s bedside, clearing his throat to get his older brother’s attention. “She just told me.”

“She’s gone.” It was a resigned statement, not a question. Dean finally came out of his stupor as he met Sam’s eyes. “Did she say where she was going?”

“No, she didn’t. I don’t think she wants us to know, and you know what, I think that’s for the best. You’ve gotta let her go.”

Normally Sam would expect a fight from Dean after he said that, a barbed remark meant to make Sam back down, but all he got was Dean limply lying back in the hospital bed, staring up at the ceiling. He was resigned more than anything, and that was almost worse. There was no further discussion of the issue. Not when he was discharged from the hospital, not when they arrived back at the bunker. The remnants of your stay in the bunker lingered for a long time, only serving as a reminder of the forbidden topic.

“I told you to make sure she wasn’t in the room when Urdr got there,” Naomi chastised, standing up from her desk chair.

Castiel stood in front of her desk, but it was clear that he was somewhere else – practically a shell of his former self. “I was unaware that she would be there so quickly.”

“That is unacceptable!” Naomi snapped. When she realized how emotional she was becoming, she straightened her blazer and rolled back her shoulders, letting out a deep exhale. “This was the only way we could get the Norns on our side, and after making a deal with us, we got one of their sisters killed. You can see how this is an issue, correct?”

“Yes.” Castiel’s response was robotic. He had been conditioned in every way to obey Naomi, and she couldn’t have been happier with her handiwork. A grisly means to an end.

Naomi sat back down and smoothed her hands over the clear top of her desk. “Then I will have to think of alternative methods to secure our position. I just have one thing to say before I dismiss you.”

“Of course.”

“Keep an eye on our ‘bait’ to make sure she doesn’t ruin another one of our plans. I’d hate to have you dispose of her.”

Castiel’s brow twitched. It went unnoticed by Naomi, but surely if she had seen it, he would’ve been kept for more conditioning. Instead, once she saw him nod his head, he was whisked back to Earth with no memory of the encounter in the first place.

Without knowing why he was drawn to go look for you, and when he found you, he only felt his guilt return. You were curled up in the back seat of yet another stolen car, holding a flannel to your chest as you cried. Yet again, another of his friends was in anguish, and while he wanted to comfort you, something told him he shouldn’t.

So he did nothing but watch as you processed all of the feelings you had been running from. And it hurt.

#spn #supernatural #multipart story #multipart fic #fanfic #fanfiction #fan fic #fan fiction #dean winchester x you #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x y/n #dean winchester #dean winchester angst #dean winchester hurt #pov second person #no y/n #hurt #angst #reader insert #lynn writes

[kuronanox]

Her troubles - Ukitake Jushiro

(Authors note: is it me? Am I the drama? LMAO Iykyk but this starts out a little angsty but I swear there is a happy ending, my bby deserves it)

(Your Name) was a troubled child, she was young and wild. She often got caught into fights that got her in big trouble. She was super insecure and like to act as if she was strong when everyday she lived with guilt.

"What are you looking at dumbass!" She yelled at one of the shinigami that was curious of this little girl that was in their barrack.

"(Your Name)!" Rukia yelled and smacked the back of her head before continuing to walk ahead. "Ow! Hey!! They were looking at me weird!" She defended rubbing her hair and pouting but obediently followed.

"Your brother must hated me to transfer me into your squad." (Your Name) grumbled, walking with her hands crossed and a bit hunched. "Where are we going anyways?" She rolled her eyes as she missed the presences of the sixth squad.

Rukia sighed and took (Your Name) hands before squeezing them. "Niisama sees a lot of potential in you but I think sometimes it gives him a headache so he thought sending you here to calm down a bit would help."

(Your Name) looked into Rukia eyes and looked down in defeat. "He's just trying to get rid of me. He threw me out like trash......I miss bullying Renji."

As they walked down the hall most of her new comrades stared in curiosity. It was weird but she was infamously known for being rude, loud and a bit troubled.

"I'm not a kid anymore Rukia."

"No, but you are quite younger than most."

She was curious to how Ukitake Taicho was as a person, apparently he was gentle and kind soul. That was to generic to her, she wanted someone with some spice that would give her life an adventure.

Rukia knocked on the door and it opened, the tall white haired man welcomed them with a large smile. "I'll see you (Your Name), try not to cause any trouble here." Rukia plead and walked off leaving her and Ukitake alone.

She kept a scowl on her face and took a seat. He was still smiling and arranging some papers on his desk. It was too quiet for her and he was taking his sweet time when she could be training right now.

(Your Name) tapped her foot very loudly trying to distract herself.

"(First and last name)." Ukitake finally speaks and took a seat, offering her a cup of tea.

"That would be me."

"I welcome you into our squad, I hope you find this place as home and make many friends. There are a few papers you need to sign since you are being transferred under my directory." His smooth voice says in ease as he looked into her eyes.

Her heart stopped beating for a few seconds, did the sixth squad really give up on her? When she finally found a home to call forever she was being moved to somewhere new like she was an orphan. Sighing she roughly grabbed the papers scribbling her name and slamming it on the desk. Before getting up and opening the door.

"I already hate it here." She said coldly to him and walked out.

"She's kinda a bitch."

"No I'm just trying to protect myself." She thought defending herself.

"She has no respect for anyone."

"But I care and don't want anyone to hate me." She screamed into her mind.

"No wonder Kuchiki Taicho dumped her onto our squad."

"Kuchiki Taicho would never, he wanted me to calm myself." She convinced herself.

(Your Name) heard people talk behind her back the whole time. When eating or practicing she was alone and no one dared to approached her. "I feel abandon again." She sadly thought to herself and left towards her room alone isolated from the others.

Ukitake found her a bit amusing, she was a grown women acting like a disobedient teenager, it made his days more interesting when he wasn't sick in bed.

Since she came off so stubborn and strong willed, Ukitake would have to deal with her when it came to training and everything else she caused problems too. Although he didn't mind, he never did.

She was cold to Ukitake, she hated how nice he was and how he was super patient even when she would cross the line and say stuff to hurt his feelings. She refuse to believe this was her captain.

The older man could see something was troubling (Your Name), there was a scowl everywhere she went and the only time she smiled is when she was doing mischievous things to other people.

He had got a report that (Your Name) was causing a rukus in one of the training rooms and needed to be restrained.

(Your Name) was furious how this low life shinigami dug a memory so far below she wanted to forget, a past she hid away. It hurt her heart to think of it and she admit it's the reason she was the way she was today.

"You're a monster! I remember when the village heard you murdered your father! And your mother went crazy and killed herself!" The shinigami yelled as they fought with their katana. The other members gasped in shock as (Your Name) clicked her teeth and jumped onto her follow squad member. She didn't want the others to think she was murderer when she was trying to defend herself.

"Take that back! You don't know Jack shit!" She screamed wrapping her hands around the neck of her opponent.

The shinigami was gasping for air as she used all her strength to choke all the air out of them. "Apologize and I'll let go." She said in a dark voice. Refusing to let the shinigami win, she held back on actually committing a crime.

The shinigami was tapping on the floor as she gripped harder gritting her teeth.

"(Your Name)!" Ukitake shouted and pulled her off the shinigami.

"Get off me old man!" She screamed and tried to escape his grip. "Everyone out the room now! Get this person to the medic now!" Ukitake ordered as they all scrambled out the room.

She grunted and tried to pull her arm away from his hard grip. "Let me go!" (Your Name) screamed angrily out of breath.

"(Your Name)." Ukitake says softly as she ignored him and looked away trying to pry away.

"(Your Name)!" He shouted to her as she looked up to him with fear and sadness, her eyes widening refusing to blink so she wouldn't drop a tear in front of him.

He finally let her go as she ran out the room. He watched her little figure run for her life and out of his sight. He knitted his brow and replayed what the other shinigami said about her past. He could see why she was a bit troubled because of how she grew up. There was something off about it though and he wanted to know.

"What pleasure do I owe you Ukitake Taicho?" Byakuya asks knowing why the older man came to visit.

"I'm sure everyone heard now." He said as Byakuya sighed, he knew (Your Name) enjoyed being in the sixth squad but she was tarnishing the reputation he worked so hard for. Even though it hurt to let go of (Your Name) who obediently listened to the nobleman and looked up to him. He had to let her go. He didn't know how to help her, or what troubled her.

"She had a tantrum again?" Byakuya asked curiously as Ukitake shook his head.

"Yes, but I actually came to ask about where she grew up."

Renji was sitting next to them with concern, the lieutenant missed (Your Name). She was rude but after warming up to the sixth squad they became close, it sadden him to see her leave. They would train together and pig out in dinner, he felt like he could act like a guy in front of her and she wouldn't be grossed out.

"I do not know, there's rumors going around saying shes a suspect of murder." Byakuya says and Renji looked down to his hands and clenched them.

"No." The lieutenant then says and looked to Ukitake.

"She didn't murder her father. She told me... the whole story.

Byakuya then looks to Renji as he gave his approval to tell the story.

He hesitated a bit and wonder if it was okay to share her personal information but the red head knew that (Your Name) was a bit angry at herself and that's why she caused so much trouble. Renji wanted to clear her name.

"They were a family of three. Mom, dad and her, of course they were poor and tried to make ends to survive. She told me her mother never loved her because it took the fathers attention away from the mom. One day her and the father were playing in the open field when a hollow came and tried to attack them. She told me her dad always carried a sword with him just in case. They were attacked and the father got a large wound to the abdomen and was losing blood really fast. She took the sword and fought the hollow but it escape before it could get injured. The mother found them. (Your Name) was holding the father in her arms crying with the sword next to her. She took a guess that her mother didn't believe her. The next few days after the incident her mother killed herself in their home and she had to escape the village and attended the academy."

Byakuya and Ukitake held their breath and felt a heavy sympathy to why she was so sour about everything. She had a rough up bringing of her mother not loving her and her father murder in front of her eyes. And the guilt of her mother taking her life.

Renji explained that (Your Name) was happy in the sixth squad and hated to be alone, abandon. He explained to his Captain that transferring her to a different squad really effected her because she felt this place as home and that she was homeless again.

Byakuya face was unreadable as Ukitake sighed and stood up to take his leave. "Thank you Abarai Fukutaicho. I'll be off Byakuya." He says.

"(Your Name) you are loved." Her father said as he laid in her arms with a smile as she gasped and tried to shake him awake. "No! Wake up! Wake up!" She screamed and held pressure on the wound.

A ruffle in the woods came to show her mom standing on the field with a shock expression. "Mom!" She yelled but her mother wasn't looking at her but at her dead husband laying on the ground.

"You killed him." She stutters with fear in her eyes. Her mom ran and pushed (Your Name) away wrapping her body around her husband.

"How could you do something so cruel! I knew it from the start! You wanted him all for yourself!"

(Your Name) shook her head and fell onto her knees. "No! No mom a hollow tried to-"

"Leave now! Or else I'll make sure you don't return!" Her mother said with malice in her voice before taking the sword and swinging it at her.

"Mom." (Your Name) called out as her voice broke. "Mom don't."

"Go away! You already caused enough damage!" She yelled thrusting the sword onto her daughter as she caught it with her hands. They were dripping with blood as she cried and ran away from the village.

(Your Name) gasped for air as she woke up during the night, her body was reacting from the past as tears slipped through her eyes. She coughed a bit and turned on her lights. The moon was still shining high.

"(Your Name)?" Ukitake calls out from behind her door. His voice was soft and forgiving.

"Come in." She says lightly and tucked herself into her bed again. The older man sat beside her as she looked up to the ceiling.

"You don't have to feel alone." He said slowly examining her face but, she laid emotionless. "I know it's not my place to say anything but I believe your story, (Your Name) you were just a kid, the past wounds will heal."

She turned her head to face Ukitake, there was a certain look she had on her face as she reached her hand out to his.

He hesitated to hold her small ones, he had never seen her be so gentle until tonight. Ukitake grasps her hand as she swiftly pulled him into bed and cradled herself in his arms as she hid her face from him.

He blushed slightly as it felt inappropriate and felt his body go tense. She was so fragile in his arms right now, it was a side she rarely showed anyone. It had been a long time since Ukitake had received such physical touch, he didn't know how to react.

He cleared his throat and relaxed a bit until he found a more comfortable position to hold (Your Name) in his arms.

"I also lost someone important from a hollow attack." He began quietly as she rubbed her face into his chest for comfort. "It was many years ago but I still remember it clear as day. I felt totally helpless that day."

"Taicho?" She says and looked up to him. "You don't have to tell me anything that is painful for you."

He gently smiled at her and laughed a bit, he really liked this soft side of her.

"I'm sorry for how cold I've been to you. I have abandonment issues." She admits shyly and looked away from his soft gaze.

"I've been alive for hundreds of years (Your Name) I know you don't really mean anything harmful towards other. Sometimes someone just needs a bit of reassurance and a another chance to be alive again."

She softly smiles and rest her head against his chest.

"Byakuya was going to let you enter his squad again... if you like. He felt bad for not being knowledge about your.... Um issues I should say." Ukitake continues saying as (Your Name) closed her eyes and laughed out loud, she felt relief and safe in his arms.

"I think I already found my home, right here, right now." She confessed to Ukitake without any shame even if she was going to get rejected from her own Captain.

The older man blushed furiously as she gave him a small kiss on his cheek.

After a few small exchanges she fell asleep without letting him go as he laid next to her comfortably.

#bleach #tite kubo #bleach x reader #bleach imagines #bleach oneshot #bleach oneshots #bleach ukitake #jushiro ukitake #ukitake x reader

[licncourt]

This might sound stupid, but as someone who watched the episode in what I could only extrapolate was a early morning no sleep haze, what was your feelings on the episode as whole days after?

Sorry if that is overly familiar, your post about it just made me laugh. 

Ahfsjhfklj by all means, be overly familiar in my inbox!! We are besties having a sleepover! I think I'll start tagging my episode thoughts as "#flora reviews".

Here are my (spoilery!) takes on ep 1 in no particular order, sober, rested, and having watched it a second time now:

I LOVE that they seem to going the route of bi Lestat and gay Louis. That's always how I've read them and definitely the storyline that rings most true for me in regards to Louis. I'm so thrilled to see that on screen. Anyone who's followed me for a while knows how much gay Louis means to me

I'm sorry but I like this Daniel. He's very different from the book, but I think this is a fun take on the character. I always enjoy Louis getting called on his bullshit. (AGAIN, this is an adaptation, not gospel. I'm reviewing this as a singular interpretation of the story, NOT a replacement for established canon).

That first kiss was MAGNIFICENT. It really blew me away more than I even anticipated. I love that Louis was the one to initiate the kiss (especially after starting to lose control earlier and reining it back in). I think JA did a great job of showing Louis' repression and then the unsettling beauty of that resolve finally snapping

Overall loved cinematography of the levitating scene!! It was beautiful and a perfect blend of bloodlust with erotic lust. (And SR has that white boy dump truck. Good for him)

I'm VERY sad that Lily died! I liked her character and Louis needs friends :(((

Sam Reid REALLY captured the Lestat that I wanted to see. He's so earnest and charming and almost boyish, but there's an intensity to him that wavers back and forth between sinister and passionate

The emotion JA showed when describing his turning to Daniel really got me. I love that breach of emotion through his very jaded apathy

When I read the script leaks months ago, I was unsure about the scene of Paul's death. It seemed very abrupt and anti-climatic, but after seeing it on screen and talking with friends, I'm coming around to it. The fact that they DIDN'T argue beforehand is a different kind of tragedy, making Louis live with the guilt of wondering where he went wrong or if he could've done more rather than the book where he wonders if he caused it.

"French white" was very funny, it's exactly the kind of inane Louis hypocrisy I love

On the other hand, "ass before absolution" was Too Much. Louis would never

I also found the thing about the opera to be a bit strange character-wise, but that's pretty inconsequential, as are most of my little Louis stan nitpicks. That's not the focus here so I digress

I think JA did a great job with hitting the emotional beats of the high-emotion scenes, especially the confession. I'm happy to see this side of Louis on screen, the one that beats up and murders priests and gets in drunken brawls and is so angry at the world. I'm looking forward to seeing more of his softer side too as we progress

I've always headcanoned Louis and his sister being very close, and I liked that the show went that direction!

SR nailed those heart eyes!! I can totall6 see why he was able to seduce someone as lonely and repressed and sorrowful as Louis with that kind of obvious devotion

The turning scene was a delight to watch!! It was so incredibly passionate and really showed their desperation, the ways it's the same and the ways that it's different. It was beautifully done and I loved the nods to the movie (which I am still a big fan of)

If I think of more to say later, I'll reblog with add-ons!!

#i intended to watch it that way the first time but it dropped too unexpectedly #i was unprepared #answered #vc #amc iwtv spoilers #vampire chronicles #vctv #flora reviews #interview with the vampire

[do-angels-dream-of-starry-seas]

As someone who did one long fic and promised to never do it again, here's my ofmd role reversal au with a moderate dose of oc's

So it all starts with their childhoods, as the literal reverse happens:

Ed doesn't kill his dad

And Stede accidentally paperweights Nigel

For Stede, he runs away obviously, and finds his way as a sailor with some captain

Works his way up to having his own ship and crew, with most of our beloved crewmates onboard

He gains a reputation as The Gentleman Pirate, his eccentric ways of piracy making him legend-like

He also has quite the body count, which no one really knows how he kills off his victims

(Just incredibly ridiculous coincidences so he kinda-but-not-really kills them)

Yes he loves the freedom, but he can't help but be reminded of what he left behind... of what he did...

Ed meanwhile, since he didn't kill his dad, instead convinces his mom to leave him while he's gone

But since society ain't kind to a poor single mom of color, they live like shit

Ed thus takes on as the breadwinner of the family, working harder than his mom has to

Mostly odds and ends until he gets a gig as a blacksmith apprentice, eventually opening a shop of his own. Finally, him and his mom are in a good place financially and stability wise

But it's all so fucking boring: he has all these clients needing swords and gun pieces for the navy and shit

- some bit of assholes really, like this one dude Chauncey -

while he wants more than anything to use them himself, and go on his own adventure

So using his saved up money, he buys a ship and tries to pass it off as a gift using a mini model of it

His mom however, doesn't like the ocean, and knows how sad his son is with their lives - we only have this one life, let's make the most of it

So he sets off in the middle of the night, leaving all his money he earned to her and tries to be a pirate... his mom's words ringing in his ears

Alright, we got our set-up, let's talk about our side characters:

On Stede's crew, we got Jim, Buttons, Swede, Roach, Lucius, Wee John... and Mary Read

(When a Sir Godfrey Thornrose attended a party, he ended up getting found out by Mary - but impressed by her idea to swindle the guests, he convinces her to join his crew as they depart a flaming ship full of rich people at each other's throats, after a game The Gentleman Pirate was fond of played)

Mary becomes First Mate, so she and Stede have a Izzy/Ed dynamic going on, but a little less toxic and sexually charged (it makes sense, trust me)

Ed's ship has Izzy, Oluwande, Frenchie, Gentle Pete, Calico Jack and Anne Bonny

(But he doesn't start with them as his crew - instead they're crewmates serving under a Captain Hornigold)

Since Stede becomes captain earlier on, Jim kills Spanish Jackie's husband earlier on, so Olu doesn't think to run away with them cause he's a loveable dumbass, only leaving when Jackie gets suspicious of him

Gentle Pete is always going on about serving on The Gentlebeard Pirate's ship, how he looks like a white ghost with fabric for skin

in my OC world (made a Anne and Mary post bout this), Anne and Mary dump Jack before he enters ofmd ep 8, so this takes place in an alternate world where Anne and Jack met and married but they never met Mary

And so... the plot!!

Ed and crew are under Hornigold, and Ed finds himself as First Mate, despite everyone thinking he's incompetent

He does however end up convincing them there's another way to piracy (probably cause of Black Pete's Gentleman Pirate stories) and so they plan to mutiny

They end up running into a navy ship, and the crew's pissed off at Hornigold disguising themselves and refusing to fight, so nows the best time

Ed only planned on going into the cabin and tying him up, but in some crazy level of shenanigans, Hornigold ends up choking on rope, so Ed technically "kills" him

Although Hornigold was an abusive bitch who reminded Ed of his dad so whatevs (totally whatevs haha no guilt at all!)

Izzy, surprised but impressed by how smart Ed can be in his lutacrisy, convinces him to tell the crew he meant to kill him

And so Ed becomes Captain of The Queen Anne, and takes on Blackbeard as his moniker from Hornigold

Totally not haunted by the illusion of Hornigold with rope around his neck hahahah

Ep 2 and 3 happens the same way but with Blackbeard and crew: ship aground, hostages (two navy soldiers and their captain, called Chauncey Badminton ok yes i was that blacksmith you bullied but now im blackbeard so who got the last laugh now), and meeting someone named Lucius, who despite his lack of - well anything that makes him look intimidating - ends up taking a hostage from them and intimidating Ed, Olu and Pete with the help of Wee John... and Jim

Olu and Jim are surprised to see each other again but Jim leaves with their crew, Olu still whipped after all these years

Up to ep 3 now, Mary comes along after Lucius' recalling of the events to scare Ed in Spanish Jackie's bar, but is amused by Ed telling her the captain can fuck off

Izzy however was not here in this moment, so Ed learns from him oh - that was the first mate of The Gentleman Pirate! Ok!!

Anne is just like "don't worry captain, I can seduce her" "No, Bonbon, there's no need to do that" "You sure?"

All leads up to the Spanish ship, almost about to be killed by the Spanish, when a certain former aristocrat swings in to save the day

Stede: Blackbeard, I presume?

Ed, bleeding out and almost hung: the angel heard of me?

Stede: hardly an angel, but thank you :)

And so the show continues as normal, with some changes according to whatever you want to see happen

Lucius being the relationship counselor

"~ Stab me ~"

The bathtub, which could really be either one of them

Speaking of which, would Stede have an equivalent to a red silk 👁

So yes, everything follows the same storylines in ep 4, 5, and 6

up until the end of ep 6 ...

But with some notable differences:

Anne: Well, if it needs to be done -

Ed: You don't need to seduce the First Mate

Anne: It's OK Cap, I can take it

Jack is also here, hi. He's a bit of an ass, so like our shows Izzy

Izzy meanwhile is not like, soooo bad, cause in this au he hasn't had the years under Blackbeard to see him as a great pirate so he's fully aware he's in the Muppet genre

He's still not happy about it

Olu and Jim have a little bit more of a slow burn (but like og show blackbonnet's slowburn)

Lucius, I'm sorry I really am, is a bitch in this au (probably cause of his status as Gentleman Pirate's Scribe) and so him and Pete don't get along

Initially ;)

Anne is off seducing Mary, which in this au, since Mary didn't have that positive influence in Anne to tell her she's beautiful despite her past, is very cold, so it takes a bit

But not that long, Anne's a very smooth talker

Stede and Ed meanwhile are interesting:

Stede has his years as a confident pirate on a sex positive ship - Ed has his history as a man with a sex drive

So Stede's pulling out all the gentleman techniques like Ed stabbing him with a sword, and Ed is over here freaking out like "this must be just how he is... but what if it isn't... but what if it is... but what if it"

Fucking cranking up the sexual tension to a hundred!!!!

Now HERE'S the rub

Cause of the changes in the timeline, characters react differently to situations

Which means Izzy never challenges Stede at the end of ep 6 - what, he's the fucking Gentleman Pirate, he's not gonna get himself killed cause of Bonnet corrupting his Captain's (which he totally doesn't have a crush it must be envy) brain

But after a fatal accident with a whip, Stede has enough and tells Jack to get off his ship. Now.

So if we rewind the story for a little bit, just to fill in the gaps:

There's this lady named Spanish Jackie who's pissed off at this Pubic hairbeard breaking her nose jar

And this navy captain who has survived his kidnapping, heard rumors the blacksmith is prancing around with the pirate he swore killed his brother

And THEN this schmuck who's drunk 25/8 stumbles in saying he knows where both of them are

So now let's take a break, and talk about Ed:

Ed, who while "defeating" the ghost of Hornigold, is still haunted by the choice he made to leave his mother. He's sure she's alright, but he promised to protect her, to be the man in the house he dad never was!

So now we got ep 7, Stede this time trying to impress Ed

Ed, confused, finally learns from Lucius "Oh my god this is happening", and so they have their little moment

It's literally "what makes Ed happy" but with Stede and two episodes earlier

But yay they kiss!!!

However, ep 8 happens exactly as it does

I hate Izzy, so I think he finds out about CJ and the plan and let's it happen

So Jack leaves and gets Ed to leave, who is guilty as fuck about leaving his mom

In this universe, Stede would not be mopey and staring at them through a telescope -

- so he leaves with all the crew and ship

Our Ep 10

It's the reverse:

Stede is in the blanket fort, sad and wrapped up in his little robe and writing sad songs

Ed leaves Jack to go back to Bristol and be with his mom

So it follows the same beats, which of course includes...

Izzy probably says some bullshit about Ed leaving, after what this ponce managed to do to the great Gentleman Pirate, who's somehow more soft than what the pirates made him out to be, with how he pines for his boyfrie -

Which is when fucking Chauncey comes in

Stede, pissed as fuck and no longer feeling safe as he let down his Gentleman Pirate facade only for his heart to get broken and being reminded of his place as a outcast among piracy, a plague, not a human...

"ok then, I'm the bad guy. Also you should never turn your back while holding a sword."

and paperweights Chauncey

Bye bye navy ship and crew, probably burnt alive!

Bye bye Lucius and Izzy's toe!

And bye bye happy couples, gotta separate you by marooning half of you!

So now Mary, Izzy, Frenchie and Jim are part of the new Revenge crew

With their new Gentleman Pirate captain, with an all-black ensemble, white gloves and a hat with white lace hanging around his head like a veil

Back on Ed's side of things:

His mom is actually doing really well! She took over the blacksmith business and even got herself a boyfriend Jason Mamoa

Though because Ed comes back in unannounced after thinking he was dead ("Eddie, you said you were leaving to be a pirate"), there's tension between them

Ed is all talk of the town as Blackbeard, but he's clearly not happy with being back in his old life, even if Jack's here to get his mind off things

But him and his mom talk, and she tells him she just wants what's best for her son, and seeing him finally find somewhere he belongs is all she ever wanted for him

"Hey mum... I think I found my fine thing"

And so mother and son plan to fake son's death together, only for Ed to find out about CJ betrayal

Luckily the fake death goes off without a hitch and he manages to leave with just a dinghy and a red piece of silk, going to find his love <3

#ofmd #our flag means death #stede bonnet #edward teach #ofmd au #role reversal au #blackbonnet #gentlebeard #crew of the revenge #it ends happily dont worry #riiiight s2? #riiiiiiiight? #(also this has been sitting in drafts #until i figured out the ending for it just now) #let.me.dream.with.ofmd

[outpost-31]

wow atlas posting ocs? that's rare

it's hot as balls outside and I'm dying so take some jojos ocs. part 5. ask me things about them, mutuals. I love them. please. please. (chanting)

this is a thick packed-full post so it's under the cut. no art though sorry I just need to write them down somewhere

Just a group of losers that's It. Not called on often, but they deal with situations regarding debts/negotiations in certain cities. Several also work as paid mercenaries or informants for missions regarding Passione's members and their personal grudges. it has nothing to do with the boss, its not an order (and possibly not allowed), they're just in it for cash and reputation.

I like making lists. this isnt even adequate writing about them theyre interesting i promise ihave so much stuff but im just trying to dump the basics as a collective so i dont forget

_______

Malvolio " Attore " Di Maggio

- 20, 6'1" (185 cm). Afro-Latino (Venezuelan)

- Agender (He/They) + Bi and Demiromantic

- Aloof, very blunt when he speaks. Honestly, kind of an asshole. Not even in an edgy bad boy way, hes just a cunt. He does it on purpose to drive people off, because he's horrible at getting close to people and doesn't want them hurt.

- His only role on his team is as a hired mercenary; he refuses to help with anything else due to personal goal, and the fact he joined the team for something " peaceful. " The only other people he'll go on assignments with are Breve and, reluctantly, Maledetta. He also refuses to accept the term ' assassin.'

- Smoker.

- Saddled with so much regret it could kill just about 5 grown men. In desperate need of counseling.

- exploding everybody who interacts with him in his mind constantly

- Tends to go off on his own. Absent from collective meetings often, takes lone jobs constantly, etc etc. He cares about everybody else, but he doesn't consider himself one of them and isolates on instinct (get therapy)

- Surprisingly great with kids. Breve is the only one he speaks more than a few sparse sentences to, and is actually kind with them. The mandated babysitter

- Ruthless in battle. Lacks any sympathy for just about anybody he faces off against, which enables his stand to be so horrifying without any guilt. He also carries eternal grudges. But, he's not an extremely violent person- in that aspect he's actually pretty average. More bark than bite apart from his vendetta.

- His stand, My Fairy King (after the Queen song), is.. Interesting, to say the least. much like Moody Blues, it's a manifestation of his crippling guilt. However, it's in a much more offensive way than the passive effect of that stand. Its power enables him to (metaphorically) enter your head and abuse your greatest fears, warping them into debilitating flashbacks and spectres that are near indistinguishable from reality. This makes fighting him quite difficult, though it is combatable. The drawback, however, is that using it can start to affect him too- triggering him into his own flashbacks if he isn't careful. Typically, with several opponents or overuse

Personality Muse: Yotsuyu Yagiyama, Oyecomova, Risotto Nero (jesus christ, man )

Playlist

_______

Raffaela " Felice " Gelli:

- 22, 5'10" (177 cm). White Italian.

- Cis Woman (She/Her) + Lesbian

- Deaf

- Very dependable and laid-back. Chill, fun, non-judgmental- etc. etc. She tries her Damnedest to not adhere to strict rules (tending to include the law itself) and promotes a very carefree attitude, making her excellent with most people. Even Attore. Her leadership skills are just awful, though, so she more tags along on assignments than accepts them on her own.

- That doesn't mean she isn't incredibly dangerous. She just masks it under layers of serenity.

- Works mostly as an informant, since the job is at her comfort level. She's beyond capable of other tasks, and has even tagged along with Ruscello on a few jobs, but its because of preference over ability. Plus, she's probably the most capable.

- The information she can dig up because of her childhood is unbelievable. She could doxx your entire extended family and your dog within the hour.

- Incapable of cooking. You know the Dubious Food from botw. yeah

- Has never sent a formal email in her life.

- Her stand, Rain Dogs (after the Tom Waits song) reflects her carefree ideology and urge to bring that freedom to others by being an essential support stand; with touch, it is able to manipulate near any chemical in the human body- though, at different levels, and depending entirely on emotional strength. She can't heal wounds, exactly, but her stand has a habit of clinging to shoulders during fights and pumping endorphins. It can also be incredibly dangerous, if used correctly, since an overload of anything can be deadly. The drawback is its fragility.

- (Not a unique concept, by any stretch, but one that reflects her well. Is it similar to even atleast 1 semi-canon stand? yes? thats intentional. )

Personality Muse: Gyro Zeppeli, Karera Sakunami, Guido Mista

Playlist

_______

Chisaka " Breve " Hiraoka

- 14, 4'8" (142 cm). Japanese-Indian

- Genderfluid (any pronouns) + Unlabeled

- The only natural-born stand user in the group, Breve manifested their stand before ever joining Passione. As such, they've had quite a bit of time to harness and refine its ability, despite being so young

- Selective mute and a pit of repressed emotions. This child is a ticking time bomb. They're very polite in interactions and resilient despite their situation, but due to their upbringing, tend to be incapable of letting themself show any sign of emotion without guilt. Their eyes and face are constantly devoid of emotion to a worrying degree.

- They work mostly as a debt collector and assassin alongside Attore, as he's the only person in the group they feel genuinely comfortable around. Like an older sibling, as they never had one.

- If you read their mind it would be this specific scream as loud as possible near constantly. Their face is calm but their mind is sobbing and punching holes in walls

- Very knowledgeable about illegal dealings, their workings, and the art of blackmail/manipulation due to being born in a family that was.. Well-versed in that knowledge.. If they hadn't been shipped off to Italy, they'd be considered an heir

- Their stand, Dear Prudence (after the Siouxsie and the Banshees version specifically), is honed and refined to a deadly perfection. While bound to their body, and meant for defense, they have manipulated it into something more dangerous with their creativity. They're able to cloak themselves with layers of invisible shields, radiating outward from their body much like a suit or bubble. They arent indestructible, but become stronger with environmental conditions such as heat- allowing them to tank atleast one harsh blow and retaliate. They repair themselves quite quickly, though not instantaneously- and, can be used to inflict extreme damage with physical blows. If one were to strike and shatter on your jaw, it wouldn't be pretty

- While this means that for function, their stand requires knowledge of hand-to-hand combat, that isnt any problem for them. Getting your shit rocked by a 14 year old would be humiliating, but it's about fate for anybody who crosses them. Not to say they're invincible, but they're.. Definitely a small target

Personality Muse: doesn't really have one. Kei Nijimura, outwardly, if anything.

Playlist

_______

Tederich " Pallottola " Altomare

- 30, 5'11" (180 cm). German-Mexican

- Trans Man (He/Him) + Gay and Asexual

- Literally just some guy

- Collects framed insects. He seems especially fond of moths and mantises.

- Very serious and maybe even a bit dull, but he's quite caring. He is incredibly strict with himself and takes his role very seriously- he's highly protective of those around him, with a surprising tolerance for extremely debilitating and stressful situations. His climb into this position wasn't exactly merciful, though. His eyes are too full of sorrow to look at for long

- Designated leader and mentor of the team. Like Maledetta, he is quite adaptable, and takes on any available role- usually as a guide for others present. He prefers to be an informant.

- His Stand, Bullet With Butterfly Wings (after the Smashing Pumpkins song) is an object that takes the form of a small, red-tinted glass vial. Small enough to comfortably hide in your palm. The dark liquid inside seems to regenerate infinitely on a timed cycle- this liquid can be applied onto anything via any method (ingesting, splashing..), and will immediately harden into a tough crystalline substance when it latches onto a person or object.

It has to be solid, however. in liquids it remains suspended.

In this instant, it is able to immediately affect the stability of anything; person, or object. Physical or even mental, and it's effect will last until it is scraped from your body or the affected area

- While this doesn't exactly seem special, it can turn battles in his favor, even if a bit dangerous. Crumbling buildings allowing for escape and cover, immediately unbalanced or distressed enemies giving him an edge in combat, etc.. It doesn't seem like much, but his potential for creativity is.. Unmatched. He's previously used it in ways comparable to a poison, hiding the substance in drinks and simply allowing those he wants gone to succumb to asphyxiation from the sudden cluster of crystals forming on the inside of their throat blocking their airway.

Personality Muse: Weather Report, (part 4) Jotaro Kujo, Bruno Bucciarati. Due to about one trait each, but it's not nothing. he's barely like them, actually.

Playlist

_______

Thorello " Ruscello " Abadie

- 20, 5'8" ( 172 cm).... French

- Cis Man (He/Him) + Bi

- So debilitatingly anxious and paranoid that he's constantly checking behind him and scanning his surroundings. Alone, in public, with friends..

- His upbringing was essentially in a horror movie " suspicious sheltered town with ominous spooky things going on. " Residual panic from that and the town's beliefs. He thinks they're hunting him. Whether or not they are is up for debate

- Nail-Biter

- Only wears tight clothing because it makes him feel.. safe. The compression is comforting for him

- Debt-Collector. His stand can be. Surprisingly good for torture?

- His stand, Sex & Candy (after the Marcy Playground song), is automatic, ranged, and highly protective. Like most automatic stands, it is fairly simple, but ruthless. If anything the user considers a threat enters within 10 meters, Sex & Candy will activate and automatically begin to home in on them- though, slowly. While it has no strength to speak of, forcing Ruscello to defend himself, once it touches you.. It's not exactly a problem. It turns any being it comes in contact with incorporeal, unable to interact with anything or anyone but the stand itself, and this effect remains for as long as you remain in range- and, if you remain within that range while incoporeal for too long, it will begin to permanently dematerialize your body: beginning with fingers and toes. However, this process is slow (but painful) and takes atleast 5 minutes of exposure to the 10- meter span. This makes fighting him require alot of creativity, or a long-ranged power of your own.

Personality Muse: Pannacotta Fugo, Rykiel. I don't know, man

Playlist

_______

Xaviera " Maledetta " Cavalli

- 23, 5'6" (167 cm). White Italian

- Cis Woman (She/Her) + Lesbian

- Used to be a serial robber (and more! alot more!)

- " Oh she's a little bit fucked up actually. "

- Crazed. Obsessed. The whole deal. She's awful at getting along with people, and simply joined the team for sanctuary from the consequences of her.. Horrible horrible actions

- The most diverse of the team when it comes down to jobs. She takes on nearly every role depending on what they need, and takes a strange joy in seeing the cash it brings in even if the task involves the harm of others (which, it usually does).

- Her stand, Everlong (after the Foo Fighters Song), is long-range and is another with a humanoid appearance. It's abilities vary, but all seem to revolve around inflicting harm- in increasingly worse ways. Its physical power isn't too impressive, but if it manages to land a hit, it can become devastating quickly. While this doesn't apply to wounds from its fists, if the stand manages to cut you with any of the sharp barbs on its body, the wound begins to slowly spread outward from the source. This keeps it from closing, and can be especially dangerous due to these barbs also inflicting an anticoagulant affect on the victim. With no blood clotting, and a quickly spreading wound.. Defeating her or exiting her range, or simply lasting the time before it wears off, causes the anticoagulant to wear off. The wounds stay

- Uncommonly, her stand is one with its own sentience; and, thankfully, it seems kinder than Maledetta herself- almost pitying those she fights. Stupidly, the 2 get into frequent arguments. It's clearly anoyed by her arrogance, but follows orders regardless

Personality Muse: Yukako Yamagishi, Gwess, Terunosuke Miyamoto (yikes. not because of teru though.)

Playlist

#WOW thats alot #mutuals please ask me about them im begging you. i have way more ocs but i think about this group the most. i need to talk about them #also for them i refused to go with the part 5 food names im sorry. they go by alias(s) though which is close enough #no art to go with this because i cant get their designs to look right rn. tripping and falling #jjba ocs #rambles #also here this is how I'm posting the playlists #I PROMISE THEYRE MORE INTERESTING AND IN DEPTH THAN THEY LOOK ITS JUST BASIC INFORMATION

[corisanna]

an entry for @catboy-von-seckendorff's Domestic Witches AU

Junko and Oktavia talk about her parents

this takes place two years before the run-in with the parents from the previous story; Anthony hasn't been "born" and Oktavia hasn't reflected on her parents much

borrowing the OCs I made for Sayaka's parents from my main fic

like the last one with Oktavia/Sayaka's parents, this assumes the girls left Sayaka's body to be found so her family could have a funeral instead of Oktavia getting rid of it herself; I didn't know the canon at the time oops

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Junko and Tomohisa had a moral dilemma.

Finding out that Sayaka-- Oktavia was alive in some form had overjoyed them. It was like their honorary niece had been resurrected and returned to them. They had done a lot of crying even after the initial revelation. It was a miracle to be cherished.

The problem arose from knowing that Oktavia still existed when her own parents did not. Her parents who Junko and Tomohisa knew. Her mother who Junko was still in contact with on social media. Just the occasional word on the old pictures of Sayaka that Kotone still posted at random times and on the annual posts for Sayaka's birth and death days, but within easy touch. Junko and Tomohisa's grief had been assuaged but not Kotone and Minoru's. As far as they knew, their daughter had run away or been kidnapped and died or been dumped in a seedy hotel room full of trash after a week of God only knew what. That was what Junko had thought, too. Sayaka wasn't even technically her own child and it had gutted her.

What had really happened to Sayaka had been different but just as horrific as anything they had imagined for her. Knowing that hurt deeply. But she was alive and returned to them as Oktavia. She had been so hesitant and afraid of how they'd react to her changed existence at first, but they seemed to have proven themselves because she had opened up. They were even having happy times again.

But the knowledge of Oktavia's continued existence burned and made Junko sick at times. She had doomscrolled to backread a lot of Kotone's posts and seen the mother's enduring grief and felt guilt eat at her. If Junko had thought Madoka dead and found out someone close knew she was alive and hadn't told her... the fury and betrayal would be world-destroying.

Junko had thought long and hard about that. Had spoken with Tomohisa about that. They had reluctantly come around to the black-and-white options of betraying Kotone and Minoru by not telling or betraying Oktavia by telling. And Oktavia was the one who needed them.

Still.

Junko felt like she owed it to Kotone and Minoru to at least talk to Oktavia about them. It would probably be a tense conversation given Sayaka's difficult relationship with her parents before everything went wrong, but she had to try. If she couldn't get Oktavia to tell them, Junko at least wanted to let her know how deeply they loved her.

So one day a couple months after being reunited with Oktavia, Junko asked her to sit down with her for a serious conversation. Oktavia had looked wary, but agreed. So Junko sat at the dining table alone with Oktavia and prepared herself for what might turn into an argument.

Junko folded her hands together on the table and took a deep breath. "I will only bring this up once, then leave the topic alone if that's what you want. Have you considered telling your parents?"

Oktavia's face immediately fell into a scowl. "No."

"They would be overjoyed to know you're alive."

Oktavia firmed her face, but stumbled mid-sentence. "Sayaka Miki is... is dead."

Junko stared at her quietly, then said, "I'm not so sure about that."

Oktavia averted her eyes and paused in silence before stepping around that other powder keg topic and arguing, "They would want Sayaka. Not Oktavia. If they even wanted me at all. They sure didn't act like it."

"They do want you. And I don't think they'd care what you are now as long as they had you back."

"You don't know that."

"Speaking as a mother, I would say they'd want their daughter back no matter what or how. I know I would."

Oktavia looked at the table and muttered, "You're speaking as a better mother than Sayaka Miki's mother. At least you make it obvious you want your daughter."

Junko thinks of the agony she has seen in Kotone over the years since her daughter died and knows that Oktavia's words would kill her.

Oktavia looked Junko in the eyes and stubbornly said, "I'm not telling them. I didn't even want to tell you."

Junko raised a brow. "Did we react how you thought we would?"

Silence.

"Did you fear we'd reject you as a monster?"

A flinch. Silence.

"But we didn't."

Oktavia dipped her chin and looked up at Junko through her bangs, face stony. "You never cared about appearances like they did. You didn't care if I wasn't ladylike. I was never a disappointment to you for stupid things like not making the cut for the piano solo in orchestra. I won't fit their standards as a monster. That's way beyond any of the flaws they didn't like in me." She raised her head and looked at Junko with serious appreciation. "You never cared about me being flawed. You gave a damn about me beyond that. And you were actually there for me when I had problems and stuff. I could go to you for help. They were too busy to care. I hardly even saw them most of the time at the end. When they were home, they just kept working or didn't want me to bother them. But you and Uncle Tomo were there and cared. So it makes sense to me now that you didn't flip out. I should have known I could trust you to take it well, Auntie." She closed her eyes and shook her head slowly. "I can't trust them like I trust you. Just let them keep thinking their mediocre daughter isn't around to bother them anymore so they can get back to work."

Junko swallowed hard. She thought of Minoru and Kotone's years of self-flagellation over their parenting and now knew that their worst fears for what their daughter may have thought about them were valid. She had thought perhaps they were making things worse in their heads than reality but no, they were right. They had hurt Sayaka even more deeply than Junko had understood. Their long, honest look at themselves and the consequences of their behavior was right.

If only that awareness hadn't come too late.

How was she supposed to go on from here? Perhaps it was wisest to let the matter drop. But Junko wondered if knowing that her parents were aware of how deeply they had fucked up and that they did love her could help her in some way. Even if she didn't tell them, Junko didn't want to let Oktavia keep thinking she was unloved by them. Not when she knew how very untrue that was.

Junko was silent for a while before trying to proceed. "Even if you don't tell them, I want you to know they love you. Your parents were deeply flawed, but they love you very much," she said gently. "They've come to realize their flaws and regret them."

Oktavia rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Sure they do."

Junko debated her course, then said, "You know, I still follow your mother on social media."

Oktavia gave her a weird look. "Why?" she asked, mystified.

"At first, to support her. As the mother of my daughter's best friend and honorary niece. To grieve you with her. Well, still to grieve you with her. She still posts pictures of you sometimes. From early on then more when she started going to therapy, she'd talk about you and reflect on how she parented you. She showed more and more regret as time went on. More and more wishes that she had shown you her love better. Wishes that you were still with her to be loved now."

Oktavia looked away uncomfortably. "That's what a mother is supposed to do when their kid dies. To look good. I doubt it was real."

Junko didn't think Oktavia really believed that. She was getting defensive. Protecting herself from really thinking about her parents. It was easier to leave things as they were. It probably seemed less painful than opening the wounds. It was heartbreaking that she would even say it, though. Junko wanted to reach into the past and shake Oktavia's parents before everything went wrong. They beat themselves up enough now, but too late.

Junko pursed her lips. "Do you really think your mother could fool me after spotting her shortcomings with you and trying to fill in the gaps myself?"

Silence.

"I'm an expert at spotting her flaws. And your father's. And they have seemed genuine from the day they think you died."

Oktavia frowned with something near a pout and mulishly said, "Sayaka did die."

Junko sighed. Oktavia's identity problems were an obstacle to some things. Junko tried again. "Their love for you is so obvious now. Four years later and they still talk about you and their love for you. Their regrets and wishes for you. They would love to have you back in their lives. They--"

"They didn't talk about their love for me before. And they didn't act like they wanted me in their lives before. So why should I want them in mine now?" She was speaking assertively, but her eyes were tearing up.

Junko's face softened in sympathy. "Oktavia--"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," she said shakily. "I'm not telling them. And don't you dare tell them yourself. It's my life and I get to say who's in it."

Her shoulders hitched as she possibly neared crying outright. She stood up abruptly, scrubbed her eyes with her sleeve, and hurried out of the room. Junko heard the front door open and shut. A minute later, Madoka came to the doorway, looking concerned.

"What happened, Mama?"

Junko sighed. "We had a very hard talk and it got to be too much for her."

Madoka's worry deepened. "What about?"

"Something very personal," Junko said solemnly. "It's up to her to talk if she wants. Don't push her."

Madoka wavered for a moment then nodded and left. Junko stared sightlessly at the dining room table. Her heart was broken in one way for Oktavia and in another way for her parents. She thought of a switch in positions, of Madoka having such thoughts about her and Tomohisa. It would destroy her.

Junko hoped that she had poked at the topic in such a way that Oktavia had to consciously think about it. She had acted adamant but kept slipping up slightly. Junko thought she still did love her parents and want them like any child would, but those feelings were buried under hurt. Oktavia was right about it being her life and controlling who was in it. She was under no obligation to forgive her parents for how they had behaved. It was just a tragedy that lack of forgiveness was such a strong and justified possibility.

Junko would keep her mouth shut for Oktavia's sake. She was not going to give her more pain by bringing in people who could hurt her. But she knew she was going to be feeling something like grief for the relationship. Guilt for Kotone and Minoru's continuing suffering. But Oktavia came first.

She sighed and prepared to tell Tomohisa that they were going to continue to be traitors to Oktavia's grieving parents. This was not the outcome they had hoped for, but one they had half-expected. They needed to hold onto the strength of will to adhere to Oktavia's current wishes. Junko knew she could do it, but was going to hate it.

A tragedy.

#Domestic Witches AU #my writing #gift story #if I stare at this piece any longer I will go cross-eyed and never post it

[noobdls]

a really long and slightly unhinged thoughts and feelings dump about tales of vesperia: first strike 

love these frames a lot actually bc you can immediately see the tone being set for both of their characters. flynn being extremely serious and determined and yuri just looking bored, straight away showing how being here isnt really for him. even down to the little detail of his collar being unbuttoned, he does not belong here. 

followed by a montage of essentially, yuri just following flynn. its such a simple narrative device but it works so great to displace him. always a step behind flynn, really demonstrating how right now he isnt following his own path but is instead being led along. 

i think the movie very blatantly sets up how it will be a journey of both of them growing up. i actually really love how it manages to place yuri as a clear protagonist yet manages to be pretty equally about him and flynn with an overarching arch about the greater world story. 

very soon thereafter yuri is practically thrown into a position where he has to grow up. forced to kill off a shell of his comrade and also live with that guilt as he now has to repent and take responsibility. his attitude towards repede changes from seeing him as a nuisance to actively caring for him, checking up on him in the middle of the night, and overfeeding him to fill the hole in his heart (lmao) 

this part gets to me because up until now we have mostly just seen them bicker and argue and i think here this was yuri genuinely trying to reach out and seek support but instead ends up being faced with hostility which leads to their major clash. which btw is my fav part of the movie. i think this escalation works really well for them 

and to be exact this is probably my favourite line of the movie. yuri deliberately provoking flynn to get him to be fucking real and stop pretending. kinda raw imo. like he’d rather get the shit beaten out of him and it be genuine than have to watch flynn try to upkeep his little fake persona 

that being said i dont think his persona is fully just him being fake. i think he’s carrying a lot of baggage and trauma throughout this movie. all the repressed anger and desire to uphold ideals. be the perfect knight follow the orders, thats right. straying from orders and acting on your own gets you killed. its an internal struggle. a desire for things to be simple, black and white, etc

i think this is one of the reasons why i ended up liking the movie so much, i just feel like it adds a lot of depth to flynn’s character. in the game story line he’s fairly put together - neat and proper. but in fs he’s just oh so god damn angry and immature, as expected of a growing up storyline. but nonetheless, i just love seeing him in this conflicted enraged state. and i think it adds more gravitas to his character in the game as we now know composure doesnt come naturally to him and he had his own issues to resolve and grapple with before he could become this reliable ‘boring’ character he is in the game 

meanwhile yuri receives a somewhat contrasting lesson. if you want to protect things dear to you, you need to take matters into your own hands. he’s learnt this first hand and it is now being reaffirmed, it could be argued that repede is the first thing he has wanted to protect

this i include because i thin its a very clear signifier to the change in his character. yuri at the start of this movie is very laid back, goofy, playful doesnt really wanna be there. but now he is forced to grapple with the concept of morality, sacrifice and choice. he becomes an active participant in the knight’s mission, really pushing for it and supporting the cause. he joins the knights because he has ‘nothing better to do’ but now he is learning about the importance of protecting others, and treasuring those dear to you. 

and then he loses another friend. although this sacrifice is not in vain as it is for the good of the people, he’s still forced into a position where he in essence has to let someone dear to him die. this film is extremely brutal in showing yuri how unfair the world is, and forces him to make a lot of tough choices. which i think very clearly then reflect in the game story line, these choices he’s being forced to make here reflect the ones he makes in the game

in his own way flynn is also learning about sacrifice, and how it isnt always meaningless. he is first hand seeing how fredrock’s actions have impacted the common people. because he took a risk, these people now live. its a bittersweet lesson but i think her flynn can finally let go of some of the baggage he has been holding onto in regards to his dad. it teaches him the kind of knight he wants to be and reinforces what matters the most - people. 

finally, in juxtaposition with their arguing and bickering at the start of the movie they are finally able to look at each other earnestly, and be honest with one another. they finally grew up and can acknowledge their own strengths, and take their own paths knowing that each is searching for his own way to make the world better. they are forever bonded by their experiences.  

in contrast to the opening montage, by the end of the movie yuri walks past flynn not even looking back. finally ready to take his own path 

some closing thoughts mostly shippy thoughts:

i think what i really liked about the movie is that prior to it i had a fairly two dimensional headcanon of their relationship, with flynn just being a simp for yuri, and yuri just being an easy going guy and accepting that love. (again this is just a headcanon i built in my head). a very giver receiver type deal. but in the movie i feel like flynn is just so angry?? he’s just so mad at the world and doesnt know how to navigate his emotions. and while they clearly have a history they almost dont get along? or more like, they know each other incredibly well but they’re not really understanding each other 

so while at first my head canon for them was pretty unbalanced i think the movie essentially just added depth to them as characters and balanced out their dynamic for me. knowing yuri had to deal with this angry bratty flynn puts them on a more equal footing for me when flynn has to deal with all of yuri’s bs 

because i think it’s true of real relationships that at different times different parties will be more on the giver or receiver end, meeting each other’s needs and being there for each other. so when i didn’t have this backstory for yuri really coming through for flynn (like, sticking with him and helping him understand his dads death wasnt in vain ultimately helping him overcome his trauma). before this the relationship in my head almost felt one sided or as if one liked the other a lot more. but yeah i think yuris words and actions in first strike really demonstrate the depth of their relationship and how much he really does care for flynn

and now i just find it interesting navigating their relationship with all this prior knowledge because i think a lot of depth can be now added to small actions and situations. navigating this push and pull and thinking about how their relationship would organically develop. because i think it’s not until the end of the movie where they sort of end up on the same page again and can move forward, but then how do they go from that to a romantic/ sexual relationship etc

#this was a whole ass ride #i rewatched the movie on a coach then started typing this #spread across like 7h of travelling #u probs shouldnt read this if u have any sanity left inu #tales of vesperia

[extremebooty]

dump of odd seo website pickup lines

Atheist

Did it hurt when you fell from non existent heaven? Because you look like an angel. Not the religious kind, but the kind I can get drunk enough to

Did it hurt when you were ripped from the cold bosom of oblivon and given conscious thought?

Religious

If it means anything, my mind has no religious viruses.

Lets compare stories of religious guilt trauma over Corned Beed and Kashmiri chai

"Dark Humor"

It's getting dark...

Wanna read?

Hello, my name is Endo...

I just wrote about you in my dark emotional journal

Tell me you are a banana because I find you peeling. Smell this rag! I’m sure you can inhale the chloroform. You have the most beautiful states I have ever seen. Can I be reincarnated as your child? I would like to suck on them till I am old and graying. 

If I could choose a place around you to live, I will choose your socks. I want to be with you only every damn step of the journey. Just say yes now, and I won’t have to spike your drink You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can breastfeed by you until I’m 20. If I could be anything, I’d love to be your bathwater. 

On the off chance that you become mixed up amidst murkiness

Hello infant, need to see a combination between my white Dragon and your Dark Hole? (dark humor pick up lines )

I just expounded on you in my dim passionate diary. Wanna read? Hello child, would you say you are comprised of dull matter? Since you’re incredible. You should be Catwoman cause the Dark Knight Rises.

Did it hurt

Hey babe did it hurt when you had that gross tracking worm thing ripped out of your bellybutton? Because I’m nervous…

Did it hurt? When you clawed your way out of your grave?

Twilight

Have you ever wondered what started my scarf collection? Would you like to find out?

Robert Pattinson in Twilight

Game [of] Thrones

Want to come back to my house to watch Game of Bones? Err… Thrones! I meant ~Thrones~.

Baby! You know nothing. Want to learn something new?

Breaking Bad

Do you wanna come back to my place and see my Jesse Pinkman?

Boxer or briefs? Whitey. Tighties.

Move on over, Walter. I think Malcom wants to be in the middle.

Gay & Lesbian (most of these are actually Canada themed)

I’m a man who drinks beer from an Awesome Land. Need I say more?

Girl, you’re such a Banff (i.e., a Bad Ass, Nice, And Fascinating Female).

Gun

Take me to bed or lose me forever. from “Top Gun”

Hey sergent i want to empty my gun magazine in you.

Skeleton

Bone up.

I understand you better than you understand your skeleton. They are the cutest thing I want to have in my grave yard. 

Your skeleton with be better next to my bed.

And I don’t just mean my skeleton.

Medical

Another Doctor Is Required Because You Were Not Charged For Dating The Patient.

I need a life. Please lower your standards and go out with me.

Depression

Gracious you discouraged?

Young lady, when you don’t message me back, I at times go into a tropical depression.

“It is safe to say that you are the methods for creation? ‘Cause I truly wanna hold onto you. *Death. I need to hold onto demise.”

I don’t think a lot about depression, however, I’m quite incredible.

You appear to be discouraged. We should blast the depression out of one another!

Damn Girl, you’re adorable, allowed me to get your email address.

Hello, there sailor? Wanna… assess mama’s gills?

I’ve been somewhat discouraged since the time of my vasectomy.

#seo #so many of these were just slightly reworded #“hello infant” #long post

[renatedagmarmilada]

I did actually know one Psychologist, a lovely man called Heimler.  He had been in Auschwitz..he was a man with understanding not hatred in his heart.

My daughter, deputy head now, was a theology-philosophy student at England’s only Catholic University..for my birthday she bought me a ticket to a series of talks by the Rabbis of England at ‘The Manor’ in North London. She was a wonderfully thoughtful girl, knew my interests and bought me tickets to exhibitions in London and such though we were both students, cheerful as I used to be before years of endless terrorization by this group and deserves her success.  Her father wanted her to be a nurse, ‘all my family are nurses so it is good enough for her,’ he said. She got many nursing positions but in the end could not give up her goal to go to University. She had five pounds and went to London to the University which had given her the place. She had a terrible struggle but got where she wanted to be. My eldest son had the same problem, his father also refused to let him go. My son complained that he was doing the work of the engineers at his work site. Eventually at twenty-one, he left home and went to study. He now fixes the London Underground. Same with me, wouldn’t let me work at my previous job (newspaper), only as dinner lady or such, so when I went back to Art College, he promptly left us. He had not been to University.

A psychologist, who called himself Meyer, of these mad people at Human Research hammered at me with  the same, that ‘I must leave University,’ I must be a housewife…(my children were growing by this time, I did stay at home with them till the youngest was eight) so they asked to have my marks lowered..which was done. What they do is: over the tv they give me the real marks but the vice chairman or other top person of each company they use is asked to comply with their wish, lowering marks, putting fail, taking money from banks, making fantastically high bills when we take great care to use nothing. They did the same with Banks, the electricity board, gas board, councils etc and tell them it is experimenatation. Everywhere where they cheated us, asked the people not to listen to any complaints we made, just to cheat as they instructed. I think they call that english fairplay! They starve you out, then if you go to another country, destroy your reputation there, by telling them you are a patient and a bunch of lies, keeping the remote laser going the whole while.

The Course at the Manor was for a week.  It was a lovely place, and a whole mix of interesting people and Rabbis attended, some went for something to do and some like me, to learn. I had been attending once a week at Leeds Roman Road Reform Synagogue to learn.  I really liked the Rabbi Rothschild and his family, and the Israeli who drove us there, the community were an interesting lot like our east european people not like the disapproving english I had lived with for twenty five years of my marriage, but the lab used sound waves on the journey to Leeds from Sheffield and I used to arrive shocked and white from their none stop accusations.  You may not have heard of this but it has been used for a long, long time, then once at the Synagogue they messed about, just as they did at the Islamic Study classes at Sheffield University I attended, and at Churches, whatever denomination. It is called ‘degradation therapy’. They pestered me so much, that slowly I withdrew and stopped going anywhere at all. But this trip was to deepen my knowledge.  We all have too much nostalgia built into us by good film makers and people filled with guilt, and need to read and learn a lot to get to any kind of truth.

The Manor was also the work place of the above mentioned psychologist Heimler..As my husband had dumped us all,never to reappear, even to visit the children and in my past it appeared everytime anyone didn’t want us, it was the same story..deported from my country at less than one year old, left by mother so she could come to England, instead of the Australia we were ear marked for and yes, I know she hated it in Germany and so on.

I decided to see Professor Heimler, maybe he could shed light on what was so horrible and terrible about me and my children that no one wanted us anywhere. I am mild, well spoken person, if trilingual, rarely argue, try to be understanding, ok the lab wives called that ‘bland’, not causing anyone any bother. In the event I found out later that one of the Psychologists at the lab had a very fat ginger wife and wanted freedom. He then transferred this wish to my ex, not having checked how Irishmen function and how I had learnt to live and cope with his ways. If the lab had not interferred, after a while he would have accepted his children back, it was just annoyance that none of his family were University people and all of mine were. Later he always felt guilt and regretted his actions. They tuned him to leave and literally disappear just after we had moved.

We got over that, but the lab would not leave us alone, indeed are still destroying and pestering us to this day.

So I did talk to Prof. Heimler.  He was a genial gentleman, as I would have hoped my grandfather to have been ..the one who gave the family’s ration cards to his jewish friends, causing the family to lose everything later on, because he found Hitler so despicable and a lot of other reasons. I told him where I came from, a brief description of why I was beginning to wonder if I was worthy of life at all…I have never been pessimistic, and always look to the next day, but at that stage it seemed everyone was against lone women and children even being alive..for instance,these lab maniacs caused my purse to be stolen just before Christmas ‘as an experiment’ with three weeks saved dole in it, and put on the tv at midnight, ’’I stole your purse’’ and consistantly destroyed every thing I tried to do to rebuild. It is indescribable, even down to a ’’death’’ message on the tv screen one Friday as I was on my way to the Synagogue, which they said was from Muslims but turned out to be from a Jewess on the lab who was jealous of all none jewish women, one of their traits, ‘our men are ours!’ (keep them). It would take a book to describe the horror they inclicted on me..as they watched us and frightening what they are doing to me now.  As they know I am a quiet sort of person, and we had no support, their sadistic tendencies must have taken over.

Prof Heimler, after listening said this, ’’you have two healthy arms, legs, a good head, intelligence and talent,(all of which the lab is now in the process of destroying) go away and use them and never mind about all this business of where you belong or who you are (there wasn’t time to tell the whole story)..why you would want to consider becoming jewish I can’t imagine (I didn’t tell him that I had been pushed to every where imaginable and my mother had said that we probably were mixed anyway, because in our part fifty percent of the people were)..go learn your prayers.

I can’t say it helped much, the harder I worked the more those Human Research lab people destroyed everything I worked at, regardless of what it was and then in 1991 decided to ’’phase us out’’. That’s the american and english equivalent to concentration camp. Their Tory put over the sound waves 1999: Consider every shop, every church, every house, every place in this country as your Auschwitz.  We are too small to have concentration camps like in your country (I didn’t think we had had any actually?) but for you, the whole of this country is your concentration camp. I honestly can say I still don’t know why.  I havn’t a clue. Not even the Russians had hurt us..

I AM NOW A PROGRAMME, they say they ceased considering us as a human beings a long time ago. Before I had made them laugh (??) They ring round, as this is forbidden anywhere. All Human Research students come to the lab to learn how to torture on my body. IT IS TRUE. IT IS REAL. They book and get one or two spaces to come and try out all possible REMOTE tortures on me, which are not legal.  And the lab spend their time making up more weird tortures and stories as they go as they continue to use my work.  Why, because with their other ‘victims’, of which there were many, they…........I don’t know, another story, because their wives used my work I think. Blaire gives them carte blanche.. They had put their illegal, secret filming on a satelite during the rein of several Prime Ministers ago, tv over write: he said she had to live with it. Oh yes, why did I begin this. They are now putting what Professor Heimler said to me onto that file of work they give to their sponsored writers and everything anyone has ever said in ‘my time’ which they have on their machine, since 1986 day by day, night by night. The next part of the programme is shock.  They are going to put shock over on laser and see how it works. Their bent quack says, ’’if you die you die, not the first in our hands.’

At present their Muslims are doing the nightly sensing torture they say on microsound, because they are scared of getting caught, incase I talk and tell what they have done… They employed uneducated Muslim Health Workers to run the most sophisticated machine in the world when the world is splitting into factions.

The only trouble is, we just don’t know why? My children have absolutely no idea at all, and I go over and over it in my head and just cannot find a reason…oh, and the Jews of Germany were at least given some warning!

How did it happen?  I went to the doctors with a persistant stress headache.  I rarely got headaches.  The doctor, a little fat man named Leech, one of those who think if you get cold you are not having enough sex, told me ’’I should go out and enjoy myself, he often felt like this (?) and knew the magic I was making’(eh?)’’ then according to the lab, as I did not return anymore, gave my name to the lab, who then put a satelite into our home and have sat on us ever since. They say, ‘we don’t normally get people like you, so we are not going to let go.’

Incidentally, the deputy head of the Grimsby art school, told me I would become one of the minor artists of England, and only minor because I had started so late. When I moved to Sheffield, the lab decided to fail me, to bring me to my senses and pushed my lecturer to suicide the same week and a whole stack more of interventions like that which is another whole book. Everywhere I have gone they have repeated this pattern.

Professor Heimler has since passed away, so they have no fear of using him too. They are infact unbelievable cowards. Their friend the L.A. man was scared of being caught.