#and now back to square one bc i started smth else

[nami-moittli]

Okay, since [3] people liked my post, here’s the charts for my

Though, I will admit, I feel like the shojou influence may lessen after the first group, but oh well. It’s the drama filled romance twst AU.

So, the freshman gang is the main one, along with the only one I bothered to add text in the image itself.

These guys are also the only ones who have any real semblance of a plot going on, and I imagine if this was an actual shojou romance anime, there’d be two seasons, so dynamics get changed and two more characters (Grim and Yuu!) get added into the mix. But I haven’t made that chart yet, so I won’t talk about it unless someone asks

Anyway, Ortho would be the main character here, as she was the reason why I decided to make this AU at all lol. (Btw, she’s 16 just like everyone else here, so don’t worry about it) Epel and her are best friends and as such I decided to give him his own side plot as well!

Since I wanted Ortho and Epel to already be established as best friends, I decided to mash their hometowns closer together, and I also wanted to make them know Vil for awhile too, so Idia, Ortho, Epel, Vil & Jack have all known each other since elementary. The others they only met in HS. Why? It’s probably a really prestigious one like in canon or smth, idk

Bc of this, Epel’s been crushing on Jack since, idk, elementary? Middle school? Awhile now, that’s for sure. Ortho’s been making fun of him for not being able to confess for years now, and he finally decided to ask him out in HS, but by the planned time comes, Oops! He likes Sebek now too! Ortho is understanding, but loves to make references to cringy manga and anime that have love triangles/harems in it. That is, until she falls for both Ace and Deuce, and suddenly Epel can have payback.

There’s definitely more to this, but that’s all I feel like writing about rn for them.

Onto the next ones!

Now this description will have less in it cause I definitely think of these guys the least, but I will say that one love square ends in two couples, and the other in polyamory, so,that’s fun!

Also, to balance out the gender ratio, Jade and Floyd are Jade and Floyd, Riddle, Kalim, Azul, Jamil & Ruggie are all girls. Silver can be the token guy. Or I could change my mind and make her a girl. Idk.

I do have a bit more to say about the juniors tho!

First off, I didn’t know where to fit in Cater & Trey, so they’re kinda just in the background. Maybe Trey & Vil had smth but now Trey and Cater are dating? Idk, but they’re here!

Anyway, back to the exes, yk how I said that Vil, Jack, Idia, Ortho & Epel all knew each other? Yeah, back in middle school, Idia and Vil dated for, around a (school) year (plus summer) I wanna say? Maybe a bit less than that. But in their freshman year they broke up, leaving them not really speaking, then about two weeks later Vil and Leona started dating, so that just kinda rubbed salt in the wound for Idia and he went back to staying in his room 24/7 again. Though he does show up at school more often than his canon counterpart does, I feel. Simply bc this is supposed to be a no magic AU, so flying tablets are a bit harder to get from class to class with lmao

Anyway, after who knows how long, maybe for like 6 months or so? Vil and Leona break up. Not sure how long after that, maybe a month, little more than that? Anyway, then Leona and Malleus date for like, a week? Idk, Leo & Mal remind me of two middle school boys who hate each other, so do with that as you will lol

Second year maybe you could fit in the Trey thing but idk. Anyway, Vil & Rook have been going strong since then, and Idia’s recently gained a crush on Malleus. Shenanigans ensue

The only other thing I’ll note is that Lilia doesn’t attend school with his kids, maybe he’s a teacher? Part-time substitute? Idk, but just like in canon he’s Mal & Silver’s dad (and Sebek’s too lol) and online friends with Idia. So that’s fun!

Anyway, that’s all for now, if anyone wants to know more, feel free to ask!

#twisted wonderland #twst #my art #not tagging everyone #twst shojou romance AU

[wikiangela]

time for Lone star 4x01!

spoilers under the cut!

(some episode thoughts that got too long lmao)

aww I missed them so much

I agree with Paul, olives do ruin everything (like, fr, every single time there are olives I try one as if suddenly they tasted better, and every single time I wanna throw up lmao)

they're looking for wedding venues aaa I can't wait haha

not to be that bitch, but... oh my god Rob Lowe looks so good, the hair looks fantastic (like oh my god his hair 😍), and on a motorcycle?? wow, Owen has never been so hot 🥵

loving Carlos hanging out with his mama, and tbh this season all I want is to learn more about Carlos and his life outside of TK and the 126 (like, I've been wondering since at least s2 - does he have any friends outside of the 126, or Michelle in s1? like, does he hang out with his work colleagues, anyone else? what did he do before everyone moved there, aside from hanging with Michelle?? 😂 give me something 😂)

and here's Carlos!! the man I've been dying to see a whole 6 minutes since the episode started lol they could give him every single second of screen time and I'd be loving it tbh

tell TK what?? I'm so nervous lol but it can't be that bad if Andrea knows and isn't freaking out right? 😂

GRACE!!!! 😍 😍 😍 I got so excited when I saw her I heard and saw her I had to pause lmao - I missed her so much 😍

raining frogs... what the fuck is happening 😂

what in the apocalypse is this episode 😂

Carlos being married to Iris... I guess it might be an interesting storyline? not sure I like it though, and it doesn't make much sense in the context of s1, at least as far as I can remember 😂 (it kinda feels like they wanted drama for the sake of drama but weren't sure what to do with tarlos bc they can't break them up again, so they were like, fuck it, it doesn't have to make any sense) but whatever, let's look past this 😂

the frog in the throat is making me so uncomfortable I can't 😩🤢

well, I guess I'm happy that TK isn't mad or anything 😂 still, this came out of nowhere and it kinda doesn't fit to what we know - then again, we don't know much about Carlos🤷🏻‍♀️

that dude in the porta potty had some serious bad luck lmao on top of everything to land squarely in the tank of water lol

pls tell me that this season continues s3's Owen being just hilarious 😂 because I really enjoyed him last season, and I can't stop laughing at him now 😂 (also, he just looks so good? I'm sure it's the hair, something's changed idk 😂)

Carlos in that shirt with the necklace hanging out - oh my good he looks hot 🥵 that color looks so good on him fr 🥵🥵🔥

am i sensing something brewing between Tommy and Amenadiel from Lucifer? 👀😂 does that mean he's gonna stay? I kinda figured he wouldn't be a one off character when I recognized him tbh 😂

Iris looks so familiar and I'm not sure if I've seen this actress before or if she just looks similar to someone

not sure how I feel about her character yet, imma need more time to get to know her

what the fuck has Owen gotten himself into 😂 jfc that was..... lmao

so Catherine's gone? 😭 nooo, I love Amy Acker, I hoped she'd be back 😭

FBI?? now that's interesting - and where do I know this chick from??

sooooo, was that 1 tarlos scene supposed to be the "new fan favorite" like Ronen said? I'm kinda underwhelmed ngl😂

It was a great first episode, the calls really were something, and the personal drama is delicious though also confusing, I'm still not sure if I like the whole Iris storyline (not bc of tarlos, obvi, just in general it doesn't seem.... good? idk, maybe they hyped up the secret too much or smth but it's kinda meh - I've been waiting for more Carlos and his backstory since s1 so I'm kinda disappointed rn) can't wait for the wedding tho!

I hope Tommy will actually find love and happiness, and I wonder how this whole pastor thing will unfold

the most intriguing thing is probably Owen's thing right now and so far I'm not even mad 😂

well, those are my thoughts as I was watching, can't wait for the next one!

#911 lone star #911 ls #911 lone star spoilers #911 ls spoilers #911 ls season 4 #911 ls 4x01 #thoughts while watching #bucky barnes #long post

[stardstgf]

every time i think i’ve committed to writing one fic my brain says no<3, i start another and that’s the story of how i have 25 wips rn!!

#writing #was so close w the amelink fic #SO close #and now back to square one bc i started smth else #</3 #chloe.txt

[teklarn]

𝔂𝓸𝓾'𝓻𝓮 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓶𝔂 𝓫𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 - 𝓴. 𝓫𝓪𝓴𝓾𝓰𝓸𝓾 (𝓹𝓽. 2)

 character(s): katsuki bakugou x gn!reader 

a/n: ok so i just started writing on tumblr and honestly in my opinion for my first time posting smth on this the first part did really well thank u for all the likes :) (told from second pov; e.g you, your) reblogs are greatly appreciated :))

summary: bakugou x gn!reader. they have feelings for one another but have no idea how to express them, however y/n has someone pining for their attention. 

genre: a lil bit angsty 

warnings: cursing, jealousy, mutual pining, slow burn romance, aged-up to third year, love triangle (square?), physical injuries, kirishima gets a little toxic, also shirtless bakugou (awooga), a crap ton of time skips bc i can’t write action scenes for shit, bakugou is a flirt (lowkey but yeah), mentions of blood 

word count: 2112

pt 1 , pt 3

- - - 

kirishima had broken the skin on his lower lip with how hard he was biting it. he stood in the bathroom, rinsing his mouth, ignoring the slight sting the water brought. 

y/n was currently being blasted by bakugou, and they were fighting back. 

jealousy panged in his chest. 

bakugou had never let him know about how he felt about you, however kirishima was sure he felt something for them. you and bakugou were both a jumble of prideful and longing stares towards each other from across every room. the tension was thick enough to slice through. and while kirishima would never make a move in fear of ruining the friendship between him and bakugou, as well as him and y/n, gosh it didn’t stop him from wanting to. 

he’d stood on the side, cheering you on to no end. the sports festival last year, the year before that, training exercises, he was always there. kirishima was always there. 

whenever you needed him, whenever you wanted his company. so what did bakugou have over him? sure, the blond was strong and had bigger goals than kirishima, but why should that matter? 

what did bakugou have? why would you want him more when he was never near you? never made an effort to see you to be there when you asked for help. 

it was popular belief that bakugou was a noisy idiot, but he was actually quite a quiet boy. he didn’t bother to raise his hand in class, however he always knew the answer. he spoke rarely and only made conversation with those he was close with if they were the ones to make the effort to converse with him first. 

jealousy, jealousy, jealousy. kirishima despised it. 

whenever did he begin wanting to beat bakugou at something? 

the cloud of guilt welling up in his chest was going to become unbearable, and soon everything he ever wanted to say was going to come up like word vomit at the worst possible time. 

- 

you swiped at your cheek, brushing off the crumbling dirt. your timing had been off, and their flip backwards had landed you in an awkward position. a vulnerable one. 

honestly, though, it wasn’t like it really mattered. bakugou was a bit transparent himself. he wore a smug look like a golden medal, and held back his power just enough to keep you on your feet. 

his cocky attitude was irritating and it drew you in like a moth drawn to a lamp. 

sweat was beading down your temple. the day was exceptionally hot, the sun beaming down on your back like a proud child. 

you and bakugou had been at it for a while. with anyone else, you would have quit by now. it’s not that you gave up easily. no, not ever. but fights could get boring, especially if you were just smashing away at them with your quirk and they were acting like they could take it. 

perhaps you were being cocky. 

this fight, though. this was interesting. not only because it was bakugou; also because you knew so little about him. 

it was likely he never shared anything important to anyone. he was quite introverted. 

it was interesting for another reason. 

it was hot, bakugou sweats a lot. gosh, he looked delicious without a shirt on. he had a built figure accompanied by strong arms and a broad chest. 

he’d filled out quite nicely the past few years. you hadn’t noticed until now how much he’d grown. 

“don’t get distracted.” 

your eyes snapped up from his chest to his eyes. bakugou became a blur, shooting himself off the ground and flipping once in the air before propelling himself back down. 

before you could do anything, bakugou had you pinned, one leg pinning yours, both his hands wrapped around your wrists. he’d ditched his gauntlets, leaving the metal assistants in the sweltering heat, claiming he wanted to give you an equal fight. 

he panted atop you, hands tightening. 

tokage didn’t bother to leave her dorm today, thank goodness. it had just been the three of you. you, bakugou, and kirishima. 

the red head had suspiciously vanished halfway through the fight, though.

bakugou’s crimson eyes bored into yours. neither of you blinked for a moment. perhaps just a small eternity each of you silently reveled in. 

his erratic breaths slowed, and so did yours, although you stayed the same. unmoving, faces neutral but eyes giving away long-held secrets. 

your ears flushed, and butterflies came rising up uncontrollably. you should have pushed him off. instead you gave him a wicked grin, which earned a look from him and you couldn’t tell if he was confused or annoyed. 

“your big ass forehead is blocking the bright-as-hell sun. stay like this,” you mocked, wrenching your wrists from his grasp and snaking your arms around his neck. 

his cheeks burned red. “w-what?” 

“you heard me.” 

he scoffed, tugging you off his neck and standing. “shut up, shitface. we aren’t even done yet.” he readied himself in a fighting stance once more. 

“i thought you said you wanted to stop when you won?” you brushed yourself off as you stood. 

“i know what i said. you probably weren’t even giving it your all.” 

“’course i was.” you cocked your head. “why wouldn’t i?” 

“you’re strong, damn idiot.” 

you feigned surprise, pressed a hand to your fluttering chest. “the bakugou, dynamight himself, complimenting a humble soul like me? oh, i really must be good, then.” 

“not as good as me.” his face dropped from a smile. bakugou never got enough training no matter how early or late he stayed up, or how many hours on the weekends were spent kicking a bag or sparring with friends. hard workers did all of the work there was a still wondered if they were doing enough. the number one spot wasn’t empty, but it was still reserved for dynamight. 

- 

y/n had collapsed on their bed. kirishima was itching to tell them how he felt, however he was stuck at the doorway. 

they weren’t even dressed for bed, nor were they showered. 

he settled with leaving his friend alone, and shut the door softly to find bakugou standing right behind him. 

kirishima jumped back, closing his eyes in relief. “bakugou. what the heck man?” 

“you’re creepy as shit.” 

“i- what? you were the one staring at me while i-” 

“while you peeped in on y/n?” 

“i wasn’t peeping. i walked them back after the fight and they just collapsed. you were off doing something else and you worked them too hard.” 

it wasn’t a shock that bakugou was still riled up from the duel. this boy had the energy of a mad man. 

when bakugou didn’t say anything, kirishima said once again, “you overworked them.” 

bakugou swat away the comment. “only because they’re not working hard enough.” 

kirishima raised an eyebrow. “they work hard. they’re perfectly fine.” 

“fine?” 

“they’re amazing.”

“i know that, shitty hair. you think i’m blind?” 

“everyone can make improvements at their own pace.” kirishima’s voice dropped. 

“you train with me.” 

“it’s an hour before curfew.” 

bakugou jut a thumb in the direction of the door. “so? maybe you need some more practice, too,” he joked. 

“you’re an ass, bakugou,” kirishima released a breathy chuckle. 

the two wandered off to one of the training grounds. it was open, a wide court where they’d both kicked someone else’s ass. 

the sun was just setting, a new cool breeze coming to fill the spot of the violent sun rays. 

it was routine to fight each other out of nowhere. kirishima was usually quite playful, spewing jokes once in a while and taunting his friend. 

this fight was different. his face was stone-cold. kirishima often took the defensive role, as his quirk didn’t allow him to project any direct attacks to bakugou.

it wasn’t like kirishima was angry at bakugou, but as soon as they started charging towards one another, he couldn’t hold back. his chest tightened, arms hardening and joints becoming strong and stiff. 

with one clean sweep of his arm, bakugou was backing away from kirishima, propelling himself to the edge of the arena with a small blast. he’d always been up for a challenge. kirishima was willing to give him one. 

his sudden competitive demeanor seemed to be egging on bakugou’s. the blond tongued the inside of his cheek, grunting as he shot forth, hair flying wildly. 

swiftly, kirishima dodged, just barely missing a blast. his torso wasn’t hardened, so if he’d dodged any later, his stomach would have been scorched. 

bakugou always took their fights seriously. he knew better than to underestimate the boy who had put together his very own rescue mission. 

kirishima’s opponent stumbled from the momentum. he took his chance and brought a hardened elbow down on bakugou’s back, hearing a satisfying crack. 

bakugou was crushed to the ground with the hit. his face smashed into the sandy ground. he coughed, turning over and spitting dirt to the side. 

it took a moment for him to register what he did, but kirishima was at bakugou’s side within seconds. the sun was nearly gone, a pale blue sky flickering with the first sights of stars. 

it was hard to make it out at first, but not impossible. kirishima saw the blood dripping and smeared just above bakugou’s lip. he groaned, cupping his face in both hands as he sat upright. 

“argh” bakugou gasped. “shit, kirishima. what the hell?” 

“i...i’m sorry dude, i didn’t mean to.” i wanted to, but i didn’t mean to. 

bakugou raised an eyebrow and let a smile seep through his pain. “you’re improving, though.” 

“are you alright?” kirishima traced the small cut on his lip from earlier with the tip of his tongue. 

“i’m fine, i’m fine.” bakugou swatted his hand away. he struggled to get up, refusing kirishima’s help. 

“we should head back before this gets any worse.” 

bakugou kept his large hands hovering under his chin to catch the dripping and occasional chunks of blood.  

although he wanted the duel to continue (it was finally interesting) bakugou wasn’t stubborn enough to keep going. so he nodded, once again denying kirishima’s efforts to help him out. 

- 

you were in the common area, fiddling with a rubik’s cube. it was just you, as everyone else was spending the night among each other. ashido had invited you to her dorm a while ago, but you’d denied, wanting to spend a few more giddy moments to yourself. 

the door rattled, and in came your two friends, one with furrowed brows and the other with blood drenching the front of his shirt. 

bakugou’s head was tilted up in an attempt to stop the blood from flowing down. his adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed the blood trailing down the back of his throat. 

“oh my gosh,” you gasped out, racing to the bathroom. you came back with sanitary wipes in one hand and tissue in the other. “what happened?” 

“we were training,” kirishima started, taking a few tissues from the box and handing them to his friend, “and i accidentally hit him too hard.” 

“you didn’t hit me that hard. you barely did any damage!” bakugou objected. you approached him, and through his fingers, bakugou peered down at you. 

you asked him with your eyes, and he gave you silent permission to pry his arms away from his face. “are you okay?” 

“i’m just dandy,” he scoffed. 

“dude, i’m really sorry—” 

“shut the hell up kirishima. i don’t want your pity. i swear this is the only time i’ll surrender to you, you asswipe.”

you didn’t laugh, not even a chuckle. “bakugou, you need to see recovery girl.” 

“what the hell? no way. all she’s gonna do is give me one of those shitty slobbery kisses and scold me for being careless.” 

“your nose is broken,” you said gently. 

“so? can’t you fix it?” 

you raised a questioning brow. “you want me to help you?” 

“can you or can you not?” 

“i can try to set it but you’re better off going to recovery girl instead of settling with―” 

“all i need is possible. i don’t want to deal with that old lady’s shit right now.” using the tissues kirishima had stuffed into his hand, he caught the remaining blood dripping down his nose. “let’s go.” 

you were more than unsure. he would end up with a crooked nose if you made any small mistake, but he didn’t think twice as he grabbed your shoulder and led you in the direction of your dorm. 

- 

kirishima wished he hadn’t broken bakugou’s nose. not because he felt bad, though. 

#bakugou #mha #xreader #yn #my hero academia #bnha #boku no hero bakugou #boku no hero academia #kirishima #eijirou kirishima #mina ashido #denki kaminari #kaminari #bakugou katsuki #anime #shounen #fanfiction #fanfic #izuku midoriya #deku #izuku #midoriya #hanta sero #bakugo #bakugou angst #bakugou fluff #you'renotmyboyfriendpt2 #bakugoufluff #bakugouangst

[yersina]

okay, hear me out: blacksmith!jaskier.

like, maybe he’s the owner of his own shop (smithy? forge?), maybe he’s apprenticed to someone else—either way, he works in a little town, proooobably somewhere close to kaer morhen?

(sina, you may be saying that this point, jaskier loves to travel! he likes to see new things and meet new people and cause trouble! how could he stand to stay in one place his whole life? not a problem! shopkeepers aren’t confined to their shops, are they? especially if he’s an apprentice. i propose that he takes semi-annual journeys to travel to more far away towns and sell his wares there and maybe chase a few skirts while he’s at it)

so anyway, blacksmith!jaskier. he’s actually more of a jeweler sort of person—he likes beauty, likes art, and while he can see and appreciate the skill it takes to create a sword or a kitchen knife, he doesn’t really find his calling in creating chamberpots. but alas, see: small town, so this is the best place for something approaching an apprenticeship that he can find.

one day, he’s minding his own business in the back of the shop (smithy??), re-sharpening a knife for a nice old lady who dropped it off a day or so ago, when the master blacksmith storms in and gestures for him to get out. jaskier has long since learned that the master blacksmith is a man of few words, so he troops out to the front with no small amount of exasperation and confusion.

and lo and behold, there stands a witcher in his entrance.

“fix it,” he grunts (bc jaskier is, of course, cursed to work only around people who can’t be bothered to string together more than five syllables at once) and drops the literally shattered remains of a sword on the counter.

jaskier stares. dented swords, he’s seen. they’re close enough to a big city that they’ve occasionally gotten the odd knight looking for a cheaper alternative to city-internal smithies. but shattered? and in so many pieces? “i’d really just advise you buy a new sword at this point, good sir,” jaskier says slowly. “i could use this as scrap metal and make you a new one, but it won’t be the same sword.”

the witcher grunts. jaskier waits expectantly for any more input, but only several seconds of silence follow. “great,” jaskier chirps, injecting as much false cheer into his voice as he can. “i’ll just... take that as a yes.”

so he gets the witcher a new sword (a softer alloy this time, and one that hopefully won’t shatter at low temperatures like this one did), deducts the price of the scrap metal from the asking price of the sword, and sees the witcher on his merry (sullen, silent) way.

except the witcher keeps coming back.

jaskier has no idea why—it’s not like they offer services that any other smithy doesnt. all he does is sell the witcher (geralt of rivia, he eventually learns from town gossip) swords, the witcher grunts through jaskier’s admittedly meaningless chatter, and then he leaves. occasionally, he shows up twice in one month (once before a hunt to get his sword repaired, and then once after for the same), and then he leaves.

it’s utterly baffling.

but then theodore moore, the cheapskate bandit who passes through twice a year in order to spend all of his illegitimate money, drowns in the river while he’s stumbling through the forest drunk.

and then people start disappearing.

it takes until the little girl from down the road disappears while she’s picking flowers in the forest for the townspeople to seriously consider the idea of hunkering down and waiting for someone to take care of the problem. jaskier even rides to the nearby city and posts a request for help. maybe geralt will see it.

they spend half a year avoiding the river like the plague, but then people start disappearing from the town square—next to the fountain. then there’s talk of killing the beast themselves, but none of them know what it’s weak to.

when geralt shows up in the smithy one afternoon, white hair brown with dirt and skin smeared with mud, jaskier nearly cries. “thank god you’re here,” he says, and he’d laugh at geralt’s look of confusion if it weren’t for the circumstances. “we have a job for you.”

if he’d thought geralt was a wall to talk to before, it’s nothing when compared to how quickly geralt stiffens and closes off. jaskier didn’t even know that geralt had been slowly relaxing around him until right then, and a pang of regret echoes through him. “what is it,” he says flatly.

“a man drowned in the river last year,” jaskier explains. “and now six people are dead.” when geralt turns around without another word, jaskier has to scramble around the counter and tug him back. “wait, you can’t just leave—people are dying.”

geralt stares at him, unimpressed. “do you want me to kill it from in here?”

oh. jaskier laughs weakly. “of course, how could i have doubted you, master witcher.”

geralt turns to leave again and actually looks a bit annoyed when jaskier holds him fast. “what is it now?”

“i’m coming with you,” jaskier says firmly.

at least geralt doesn’t laugh in his face. “no.”

“look,” jaskier begins, and swears that he sees geralt roll his eyes. “i’m not—trained in combat, per se, but i can strike a few blows. i work with swords for a living! i can be backup?”

“this isn’t a game.” the furrow between geralt’s eyebrows grows the slightest bit deeper, like the world’s tiniest frown. “you could die.”

“i’ll keep out of the way,” jaskier throws in cajolingly. he’s not sure why he’s fighting so hard to join in on an expedition that will very likely lead to his death, but now that he’s started, he may as well go all in.

geralt just grunts and pulls his arm out of jaskier’s grasp, but he doesn’t do anything to stop jaskier when he grabs a sword and a scabbard and follows on his heels.

(this is where geralt wows jaskier with his fancy silver sword, and jaskier hardly needs to do anything other than gape on the sidelines as geralt dispatches theodore moore—a drowner now, he reminds himself—with brutal efficiency)

jaskier ends up arguing for higher pay for geralt bc of course he does, and manages to get geralt to sit down for a pint of ale in the tavern. jaskier travels but he doesn’t travel, and although geralt isn’t the best conversationalist, he does have some tales.

this ends with jaskier puzzling his way around making a silver sword and maybe getting a mage to imbue it with some magical runes or whatever it is that they do in their ivory towers, and he presents it to geralt the next time he comes by. geralt, being geralt, doesn’t do much else than take it with him while he’s leaving, but jaskier sees it strapped to his back the next time he stops by in the town, and geralt actually asks him to repair it at some point (!!) which is not smth that he’s ever done before.

geralt also starts bringing jaskier things which jaskier is utterly delighted by because it means that geralt has been paying attention while jaskier rambles at him the few times that they manage to sit down in the tavern together. this continues on for years and years and jaskier steadily grows fonder and fonder until he has a Realization one day when he’s looking at a sunflower and thinking abt how it matches the color of geralt’s eyes that goddamn he’s in love with a witcher.

(my Actual Prose runs out here but i’m envisioning jaskier putting those jeweler skills to use in fashioning geralt useful but also pretty pieces of jewelry as courting gifts until one day jaskier is just like “god you’re so fucking dumb” and just kisses him happily ever after the end)

#the witcher #geraskier #geralt x jaskier #blacksmith!jaskier #i Want this now goddammit

[collisiondiscourse]

i have decided i am now going to blow up your inbox bc i csn i’m sorry codi focnnf

b u t!! anyway i’m going to rambling abt my new dad for all au [whixh was the au i sent you that ask abt]

alrighty so all might is now midoriya’s dad. that’s a thing. i like to think that inko and toshinori were high school sweethearts who broke up after graduation but met again when all might was called to recuse some hostages and inko was one of them!! anywho all might recuses her, they go on a coffee date, realize they’re still in love and start again

they get married and have izuku, who keeps inko’s maiden name [midoriya is now inko’s maiden name bc i do what i want]. he’s the cutest baby who has inko’s green hair, but has one blue and one green eye! [these are /important/] inko and all might talk abt maybe giving izuku all for one when he’s older, but they decide against it bc they don’t know if he’ll have a quirk or not

spoiler!! bitch baby has a quirk!! he gets a quirk that’s so much different than inko’s quirk and !!! ahhh!!! the basic explanation is that all might’s all of one genes mixed and then “corrupt” inko’s like 3 generation quirk-having genes or smth and izu has a very, very complex quirk now. it’s called astron, and astron allows him to fucking astral project into the center of the university and shit chxnc

astron works two different ways: using his blue eye he can project other people into his own personal astral plane and do whatever he wants. while the person’s physical body is still where it was, their mind is in the astral plane. if he uses his green eye, he can project himself to his astral plane and fuck around without consequences!!

[there’s an untold third ability of astron using both of his eyes, but izuku tried doing that when he first got his quirk and immediately fell into a coma for like a month? it was bad and his mind couldn’t handle the stress and dipped lol]

ANYWAY, izuku grows up with a bomb ass quirk and still has his kacchan with him thru his childhood so things are a lot different than canon? the wonder duo are little shitheads together and i love them, they wreck havoc and i love them

i have more ideas for this story but this is all i have for now, codi this is so long i’m sorry i’m blowing up ur inbox 🥺😭

me opening my askbox and seeing the length of this au: holy shit

me reading the actual whole au: HOLY SHIT

AJ I LOVE THIS HIGHKEY!!! I LOVE THE IDEA OF OP DEKU W A FUCKED UP QUIRK JUST TERRIFYING EVERYONE HE COMES ACROSS!!!! heterochromia is SO so good as a character design element and i LOVE THE WAY THIS IS IMPLEMENTED YELLS. I WANNA DRAW THIS SO BAD!!! THIS LOOKS SO COOL

(serious writing/plot below - blood and vomit mention)

oh god and now im imagining deku like. being this extremely feral and annoying lil shit whos extremely powerful and now bakugous got someone on his level so hes a lot more humble as hes growing up but also him and deku are the?? BESTEST OF FRIENDS. and i imagine when bakugou is being a little shit deku just. astral projects him out of his body for a while and apologizes to whoever kacchan yelled at LMFAO---bakugou comes back to his body and is all like “....fucks sake stop doing that”

AND THEN omfgkjfds imagine morally grey deku who does whatever he can to win?? he knew he wouldnt get into UAs hero course fair and square (all might offered him a recommendation but he declined because he wanted to get there on his own with kacchan) because robots didnt have souls he could astral project so he practices his quirks limits like YEARS prior and he tells bakugou about it but never rlly shows him but on the day of the entrance exam?

he shows up. everything goes as normal and he finishes the written exams and then moves on to the practical exam (still seperated from kacchan like in canon) and like. Every one goes dashing forward and deku doesnt really try to beat anyone. He waits until theyre all in the center engaging with robots when he walks to the center of the room.

and he sees the zero pointer in the distance.

“THE ZERO-POINTER’S HERE!” He yells and points at the gigantic mech heading their way. All at once everyone’s heads whip up to catch sight of the robot, enraptured by its sheer size and power. 

As they all look to one direction, Deku makes eye contact with them and smiles.

All at once, every single participant in the area goes limp. Astron throws their souls into the astral plane with little fanfare and everyone watches in awe and annoyance as their bodies uselessly crumple to the ground from the outside. The green-haired boy is suddenly given free reigns of the arena and they seethe as one by one he deactivates or disables robots that were once under their purview.

(What some of the smarter ones notice however, is the way he seems to be leaving some stray 3 pointers untouched... almost as if he was doing the calculations in his head as he goes... on how to ensure the number one spot while others can still score points...?)

One by one however, they start struggling and reaching to reconnect with their bodies. Their gleaming bright souls bob up and down with frenzied energy and Deku feels it. He feels it like itches on his skin and goosebumps that turn into hills that dance up and down his back. He feels it like he feels his limit reaching.

Its still around 10 minutes though before he actually loses control and everyone comes back to their bodies. His quirk times out and almost like its angry, the astral plane takes his body in exchange for the dozens he kept in there. He gets sucked through and passes out while everyone else runs and destroys the remaining bots. It doesn’t matter though, because he knows he’s racked up enough points to stay on top. He lets himself rest and observes the blue-haired tall guy with engines who contemplates carrying Deku’s body to safety.

Until, he sees her.

Just under some rubble and very close to getting crushed by the Zero-Pointer’s foot, Deku spots a brown-haired young girl that he recalls has some kind of floating quirk. He sees as everyone runs past her, prioritizing their own safety instead of hers.

He makes a decision.

Quickly--recklessly, a familiar gruff voice says in his ear--he forces himself back into his body and looks around. He runs to the girl and attempts to dig her out from the rubble before she gets crushed. The robot comes ever closer.

Using the little strength and flexibility he’s learnt from years of sparring with Kacchan, Deku abandons her in favor of climbing up the broken concrete and metal to meet the robot’s visor. He knows he won’t save her by digging her out of there, but by god is he gonna let her get injured without a fight. These robots weren’t designed to kill, but they were designed to destroy.

Focus. Focus and listen to what’s around you, Izu-kun.

The world around him reduces to tunnel-vision and suddenly Deku is face to face with the Zero-Pointer. It stops, as if calculating how to discard of Deku without hurting him severely with its own strength.

Everything has life in it. You only need to focus and look for it.

Izuku Midoriya looks at the robot.

In a whirlwind of blue and green, he reaches inside of himself and searches for life. Cold steel and hard-wired code meet his gaze and he plunges even deeper. 

Focus.

Then all at once, everything in his visions snaps into sudden clarity, like he’s never seen before. He feels everything. Sees Everything. Smells, tastes, hears--and he hears how the metal beneath him bends and groans. He feels how it winces and shudders. He sees it as it opens its maw and its visor bends in a facsimile of eyes, pleading him as if asking how?

The robot beneath him comes to life and stumbles back.

Quickly, he scrambles to the nearest ledge which happens to be a broken support beam. Distantly, he thinks he feels his arm being sliced open on the edge of it and the warmth of blood streaming down his side as he nearly falls. 

“HEY! YOU WITH THE ENGINES!” He hoarsely screams to the still remaining, slack-jawed contestants. “I CAN’T KEEP THE ZERO POINTER DOWN FOR LONG! GO HELP THE GIRL AND TAKE HER TO SAFETY NOW!”

With a sudden burst of energy, the fellow participants start taking others out from the rubble while the blue-haired boy helps the brunette he was protecting earlier. As he watches them clear the rubble to drag her out, he feels a pang.

Who am I? a lost voice calls out. It’s raspy and almost-robotic sounding and only he can hear it. Where am I? What am I?

And Deku’s vision flickers.

In and out, he sees flashes through eyes that aren’t his. He hears voices that are simultaneously faraway and way too close for comfort. The world tugs at the sides of his perspective and a strain is pulling at the back of his head tearing his brain to shreds. He doesn’t know what he’s focusing or straining on, except that its working and keeping the zero-pointer down.

He grits his teeth. “Hurry the hell up! i can’t do this any longer--”

Bursts of pain appear behind his mismatched eyes and he wants to scream so bad and if he were looking any clearer he’d see the way that the zero-pointer thrashes on the ground in time with the pounding on his skull. Bile crawls up the back of his throat and Deku screams.

“SHE’S CLEAR! YOU CAN LET GO NOW, MIDORIYA-SAN.”

Izuku lets go and his vision goes black.

#ASKDZVJFXKS OK THIS TOOK. #A LOT LONGER THAN INTENDED #ok so gthis has plot now and now im thinking of. writing this actually #i love this au so much thank u aj i hOPE YOU DONT MIND THAT I WROTE FOR IT??? im sO SORRY?? #anyway have more of my writing its unedited and garbage\ #asks #yeets your boy #collisioncomrades #bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #deku #izuku midoriya #midoriya izuku #long post #cw long post #long post cw

[theamberwriter]

Hi!! The request about Aizawa x waifu reader ( with a bouncing baby) was so cute.... I had a dream about it I’m not joking 100% soft bc of it, I have 2 requests for you!! Can you do a scenario when midnight spilled the beans about reader liking Aizawa ( like you mentioned in the scenario, maybe when they are still on highschool like last year or smth?) and the second request is either a scenario or hcs (whatever u like!) with a their family finally adopting eri Chan?? Pls?? Thank you!

A/N: I’m so glad you liked it so much! Sorry, it took so long. Here’s the first part. I’ll post the headcanons separately, and link from this post!

Read the Series! [2] [3] [4]

Pairing: Shouta Aizawa x Fem!Reader

Word Count:  2219

Warnings: None

~*~

You’d done it, it was by the skin of your teeth, but you’d done it. You actually graduated UA. It might have been in general studies but, by God, you fucking did it. There was just one problem - Nemuri, aka Midnight. A long-time friend who was two years older than you.

You hung out with her and her two friends, Shouta Aizawa and Hizashi Yamada, frequently. And had developed quite the crush on the comparatively quiet Aizawa. Nemuri wanted to celebrate with drinks. But you’d been drinking with her before. It was a less than pleasurable experience. 

Nemuri had a way of spewing everything that was on her mind. The alcohol broke her common sense filter. Although even sober, she was so excited to find out about your crush that she nearly slipped. You’d been lucky up until now. But she wanted to go to a bar to celebrate. Even just the thought made your stomach twist you into sickening knots.

“Shouta’s not going to find out!” you told your reflection as you prepared yourself in the mirror. But you knew she’d catch the little things you did to try and make yourself more attention-grabbing. More appealing to his eye. The extra dab on perfume he’d complimented you on once. She would call you out for it. But you couldn’t help yourself.

You groaned into the mirror. “This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t told her. Or maybe I should’ve told him. I don’t know. - Gods save me.”

You checked the clock on the wall. You were going to have to leave soon. Whether you wanted to or not. You figured it was best to leave on your own before Nemuri dragged you out by your hair. 

“What’s the worst that could happen?” you uttered, locking up behind you. “I mean, he could just say he’s not into you. Right? Or he could laugh at you. Or he could never speak to you again, or - [Name], stop it. It’s only Shouta. And Nemuri won’t say anything…right?”

You knew that was a flat out, straight up lie. Nemuri was sure to do…something. You’d just have to deal with whatever happened. But you were praying that nothing did. 

“[Name], you’re finally here! Slowpoke!” Nemuri slurred the moment you walked into the bar. She stumbled over to you and dragged you over to a table. “Even the boys were here before you!”

“Hey, hey! It’s the lady of honor!” Hizashi announced loudly, standing to throw an arm over your shoulder. “Congrats on finally catching up with the rest of us!”

“Leave her be, Hizashi,” Shouta groaned, standing himself. Hizashi sat back in his seat. But Shouta nodded at you. “Congratulations. You’ve worked hard. You earned it.”

You tried to look him in the eye. But ended up staring off the side of him. You smiled, but it felt weird. “Thank you.”

“So what’ll you be having, pretty lady?” Nemuri flung an arm over your shoulder. “Mmm, is that perfume I smell -”

Your face felt hot. You excused yourself and pulled her over to a far wall. You tried to square her up as much as possible. But you could already see that she was out of it. She gave you a goofy, but ultimately knowing, grin.

“You all dressed up for Shouta?” she giggled, gesturing to the table.

You felt like you were gonna die when you followed her arm and caught his eye. You shoved her arm back to her side, shaking her by her shoulders. “Nemuri, promise me, you will not say anything about my crush. Okay?”

She pouted. “Aw, but you look so sexy dolled up. You’re sure to get his attention!”

“Nemuri, please,” you begged. “Let me do it.”

Nemuri groaned. “You need to loosen up. I’m gonna get you a drink.”

She slipped from your grasp before you could stop her. You just had to trust her. But, if you were being honest, you didn’t. Not in the least. Not when she had alcohol in her system, anyway. Any other time, you trusted her with your life. 

You went back to the table. Keeping a watchful eye on Midnight. She was laughing exuberantly with the bartender. Hard to tell what she was talking about. Probably something stupid.

“You look good, by the way,” Hizashi said excitedly, pulling you out of your stupor.

You looked down at your outfit. You hardly even wore this dress. But it was good for special occasions. You smiled as you looked back at him. “Thanks. I figured I’d dust it off for tonight." 

"Drinks up!” Nemuri’s voice came from behind you. She slid the guys their drinks. Then thrust one harshly into your hands, sloshing whatever it was all down you. You sucked in a sharp breath, it was ice cold. But at least the dress was black. 

“Oh shit,” she cursed. “Sorry.”

You put your cup down, ready to go hunt down some napkins. But Shouta beat you to it. He was handing them to you before you could take a step. He was standing a little closer than he usually would. Like he was ready to protect you from whatever stupid thing Nemuri did next. 

“Here,” he uttered. Then turned to your friend. “I think you have had enough.”

“Thanks,” you muttered your whole face feeling like an inferno. You blotted the front you, glaring at Nemuri when you heard her chuckle. “I’m going to the lady’s room, I’ll be back in a minute.”

“I’ll go with -” Nemuri started.

You sent her a sharp look. “No, you stay here.”

You groaned as you made your way to the bathroom. The night was already a disaster. You tried to dry off under the hand dryer as much as possible. You felt ridiculous. You could’ve cried. When you went back you sat opposite Nemuri, who of course forced you next to Shouta. She was honestly the worst. 

“Are you okay?” Shouta asked. You were still glaring the woman across from you down, but she was just smirking.

“A little embarrassed,” you noted, shrugging. Then you looked at him. “But I’ll live. - Are you okay?”

That caught him off guard. “What?”

“I see injuries, remember? Your nose is broken. What happened?”

“It’s not a big deal. I got hit during patrols a few days ago.” He crossed his arms.

You reached your hand towards him. Then pulled back. “I can fix it. If-If you want me to mean, you don’t have to -”

Shouta shrugged. “Why not?”

You let out a breath, then gently touched his cheek with your hand. You watched the bone go back into place, then heal right up. As if it had never been broken in the first place. You gave him a little smile. “There, all fixed.”

You pulled your hand away, and Shouta reached up to feel where it healed. “Thanks.”

“Yeah, whatever,” you muttered, grabbing your cup. “It’s no big deal. I have a dumb quirk, but it comes in handy.”

You guzzled down whatever was in it. Trying to keep yourself from saying anything else stupid. 

“So, you got any plans now you’re graduated?” Hizashi asked. He seemed to read the awkward aura from your side of the table.

You grinned. “I’m going to go to school to be a nurse.”

Things went a little smoother after that. You all talked about jobs and plans. The heroes talked about patrolling and the things they’d done. But Nemuri kept downing one drink after another. You were surprised she was still standing. But she’d been out to dance a few times already.

Hizashi had gotten louder. Joining the dance a couple times. Even going up to sing a few karaoke songs. This left you and Shouta to mindlessly small talk. You had a feeling those two were planning something.

“So, have you ever like -” Nemuri uttered, staring you down. Both of them were back in their seats across from you. “Thought about getting married? Or having babies?”

“Of course I have,” you chuckled, rolling your eyes. “Maybe, after I’m done school, I’ll find someone and settled down. Ya know?”

Nemuri blew air through her lips. “What if they were a hero? And they were always out and getting beat up?”

You quirked an eyebrow. “Well, I’d be the best wife to have, I guess. ‘Cause I could heal you right up -”

“Hear that, Shouta?!” Nemuri practically shouted, laughing at whatever was on her mind. “You’d have yourself a personal nurse! There are all sorts of fun things you could get up to.”

Your heart skipped a beat. “Nemuri -”

She groaned. “Whhaaaatttt?? I’m tired of keeping it a seecccrreeettt. Your crush on Shouta is so big, you’re basically in love with him already.”

You briefly glanced between the two before you shot out of your seat. “You are the worst.”

You made your way out of the bar into the warm summer air. You were dying inside. “God, I’m so stupid. Why did I tell her?! I knew this would happen!”

You stared out at the passing cars. Not expecting anyone to come after you. But a few minutes later, a throat cleared behind you. You were surprised when you looked over your shoulder.

“Hey, you alright?” Shouta asked, coming to stand beside you.

“Shouta, hi,” you breathed, looking up at him. “I, uh, yeah. I’m fine. Just incredibly embarrassed.”

He smiled a little. “You should know by now that she doesn’t keep secrets.”

“Yeah.” The two of you stood in silence a long moment. Just staring into the night. “Look, Shouta - if you just want to reject me now, I totally get it. I knew I never had a chance with you anyway.”

Shouta heaved a heavy sigh. But you were not prepared for the words that came next. “Your secret wasn’t the only one she outed tonight.”

“What?” You took a step back.

Shouta rolled his eyes. “You didn’t listen very well, did you?”

“I was more worried about her telling you -”

“Think about it.”

You thought for a good long minute. “The wife thing.”

He nodded. “I mentioned it in front of her once, by accident.”

Your heart fluttered so much it hurt. “Oh.”

You both were quiet for a long minute again.  

“So,” he started awkwardly. “Would you want to?”

“Would I what?” There was no way this was actually happening.

“Maybe, after nursing school, settle down. With me.”

You couldn’t help but laugh lightly. Stern faced Aizawa was standing next to you. Giving you the awkwardest confession ever. It was so cute, you just couldn’t help but chuckle.

“What?”

“Nothing,” you giggled. “But I’m pretty sure that the marriage proposal is supposed to come after we start dating.”

He looked down at the ground. “Right…”

Gently, you put a hand on his arm. “But I would love to if you want to.”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t serious.” He flicked your forehead lightly and gave you a little smile. “I have early patrols on a day coming up. Afterward, we should go out and do something.”

You nodded, unable to contain the smile on your face. “Yeah, sure, I’d like that.”

You weren’t really sure what to do. Hug him, kiss him, shake his hand. You went for the hug. Rambling quickly into his chest, “I was honestly more worried about how you react to the news than what you would say.”

You backed away, but he surprisingly kept a hand on your waist. “What was the worst that could happen?" 

You sighed. "I dunno. I thought you’d hate me. Or laugh me off. Or get up and leave. Or think my quirk was useless and not want to go out with me. - There’s a lot of things that could go wrong.”

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic. And you have a good quirk. There aren’t many people with healing abilities.”

You were silent again. Enjoying the warmth and static now between you. You were all warm and shaky. Overall excited that this was happening. You were on cloud nine.

“Think we should go back in?” you asked, nodding towards the door.

“Let’s go in separate,” Shout suggested. “It’ll drive those two insane.”

“Hizashi knows?” You quirked a brow.

He nodded. “He’s known longer than Nemuri. And she probably told him about you. Neither of them can keep a secret.”

You two walked in separately. And he was right, it did drive those two insane. They were trying to figure out what happened. If you two had gotten together.

“Gguuuuuyyyysss, are you mad at mmmeeeeeee?!” Nemuri whined. “I’m ssooorrrrrryyyy. You two are just too cute together! And you’re lucky I’ve kept your secrets this long!!”

“What’re you complaining about, yo?! I’ve known longer than you have!” Hizashi scoffed.

“Nnnooooooo, I’ve known about his crush for two years longer than I knew about [Name]’s crush!!”

“Well I’ve known since he met her!”

Nemuri stood, her face flush with alcohol. Her hand was on her sleeve. “I’ll put you to sleep, speaker boy!”

The two spent the rest of the night arguing. Trying to figure out timelines and markers to see who really knew the longest. You knew it’d come up inconclusive. But you and Shouta sat and watched the whole utterly amused. If only they’d paid attention. The entire time you two were sneakily holding hands under the table.

~*~

#aizawa x reader #the Amber writer #theamberwriter #amber asks #ask me stuff #ask amber #fan fic request #fan fiction #fanfiction #fan fic prompts #aizawa shouta/reader #aizawa #aizawa/reader #aizawa shouta #aizawa sensei #mr aizawa #aizawa shouta x reader #shouta aizawa #shouta aizawa x reader #bnha shouta aizawa #bnha fanfiction #bnha imagines #bnha headcanons #bnha x reader #bnha aizawa #mha x readr fanfiction #mha x reader #mha fanfiction #mha imagines #mha aizawa

[jo2ukes]

Hello! I’m hildahilda from tumblr and I saw you taking prompt requests for 50 ways to love your partner (which has become one of my fave dmileth fics). May I suggest... Dimitri and Byleth debating/arguing over political concerns or having long horse rides together? Just getting these ideas from their paired ending lol. Thank you!

HELLO LOVELY!!! Aaa your comments are always so sweet i always look forward to reading what you have to say slkdfjslkd  thank u for requesting smth ilysm~

I’m SO SORRY this took so long - I’ve been working on it off and on, but I slacked off too much at work last week so things kind of blew up and I’ve been living off of energy drinks. THAT BEING SAID, this is for YOU!!! I’m gonna upload to ao3 later as well, just not rn bc I’m at work lol :-)

spoilers for like. post game and blue lions stuff, though i tried to be pretty vague!

It was never typical for diplomatic meetings to go smoothly. Not that Dimitri is naïve enough to expect them to be easy. Even in times of peace, there are always areas for improvement. Dissatisfactions to be addressed. Relationships to maintain. Something about having his work cut out for him makes these meetings easier – though solving the issues are certainly more time consuming. Uniting Fódlan has been no small undertaking and he is grateful for all the assistance he receives from his friends. He is painfully aware that destruction is his forte – his hands and mind have only recently been converted to the goal of healing and restoration. To lead, you have to be able to both destroy and create, Byleth has told him. She’s right. United Fódlan and the relative peace they have now wouldn’t exist had he not destroyed Edelgarde and her dissenting Imperial forces. While the beast in him once relished in the idea of putting an end to El’s machinations, taking her life was one of the most painful trials he’s had to endure. The perspective motivates him. Encourages him to listen to his people and create a world where no destruction is needed, where no one is unjustly taken.

 He constantly reminds himself of this goal. It makes the sleepless nights worth it.

 The current roundtable has gone on for hours at least – Ferdinand, Lorenz, Byleth, Seteth and a handful of other nobles – mostly from former Faerghus territories – are in attendance. Unofficially, Ferdinand speaks for nobles of former Imperial territories, while Lorenz speaks for former Alliance territories. They’ve been instrumental in the restructuring efforts. While the three of them were not particularly close before, Dimitri counts them among his close friends now.

 “I hate to mention it on top of everything else,” Ferdinand bites his lip, “but there’s one last item I feel needs to be addressed before we adjourn. We’ve had trouble with the Western Church in the Aegir territory. We’ve repelled a few initial attacks. At first we thought it was bandits, but… well, we’ve confirmed the worst. Normally, my pride would never allow asking for assistance, but with our resources and attention spread out as it is, namely correcting my father’s corruption, I’m not sure this is a matter I can handle solely on my own. I don’t want to cause any more chaos in my territory than need be.”

 “You are correct to bring it up,” Dimitri says, furrowing his brow. “Aegir territory is a long way to go to cause trouble.”

 “If the Western Church is mobilizing again, it will certainly affect the trade routes we’ve established,” Lorenz observes. “The few merchants that can afford to travel certainly can’t afford losses to their inventory or company. Our trade routes are the most vulnerable. As former Imperial lands are in the most chaos, what with the complete restructuring needed post-war., it makes sense the Western Church, whatever their goals may be, would seek to cause disruptions there. If we truly seek to provide aid and maintain good relations with the nobles in the south, surely this conflict requires more attention. Wouldn’t you agree?” He looks back at Ferdinand.

 “Respectfully, yes,” Ferdinand nods solemnly. “Though, I understand the Central and Western Churches have their summit planned later this month, which surely makes matters precarious.”

 Eyes turn to Byleth and Seteth.

 “You are correct,” Seteth nods, addressing the nobles. “We are aware certain sects of the Western Church are mobilizing, though we had not heard of any activity in the Aegir territory. You can trust the matter will be dealt with. Her Grace has asked that I lead a fraction of the Knights of Seiros to investigate these disturbances while she attends the summit later this month. Ashe wrote to us several weeks ago, disclosing Western Church movements in the Gaspard territory once again. Since then, we’ve been keeping a watchful eye.”

 “How watchful, if they are mobilizing in areas you are not aware of?” Lorenz asks. “Your Grace, your Highness, I know the Church is quite busy with restructuring efforts, but perhaps it would be wise to focus more resources in this area.” He taps his upper lip thoughtfully. “Perhaps if we sent forces that were not affiliated with the Church it wouldn’t complicate things at the summit. The Western Church can feel safe in trusting the Central Church, and the people can feel safe that something is being done about these attacks.”

 “I agree,” Dimitri hums after a beat. “Very well. Seteth, I want you to take some of Fhirdiad’s knights with you. As things are a little more stable in the capital than anywhere else, it is less of a burden on our resources. Ingrid and her company should be available, I believe. I’ll send word they’re to accompany you back to the monastery. I’ll want to be kept in the loop, of course.”

 “With all due respect, your Majesty,” Byleth says, clearing her throat, and breaking her silence, “this is a Church affair. While I appreciate your offer for assistance, we must decline.”

 “On the contrary,” Dimitri shakes his head, “It stopped being a Church affair when it started threatening to plunge all of United Fódlan into another war, your Grace. These are not random attacks, they seem rather targeted.”

 “The Western Church simply does not have the resources or manpower to launch a full-scale war,” she shakes her head. “I do not believe that is their intention this time. They’re recovering just the same as the rest of Fódlan. If you’ll remember, the last time the Western Church created conflicts, there was a larger power at play. As relations with the Western Church are already delicate at best, I’d ask that you let us investigate internally first, at least until the summit has concluded. A month’s time, that’s all I’m asking.”

 “It is not that I distrust your ability to manage your own, I simply wish to prevent further harm to the already suffering villages.”

 “I understand your concern, your Highness. My wishes are the same,” she straightens her back, looking him square in the eye. She looks truly regal and imposing. For a moment Dimitri thinks it’s a shame the others get to observe her in her authoritative splendor, that it’s not a look only he can witness. But the thought only lasts a moment – he’s more than familiar with that determined glint in her eye. He’s in for a fight.

 “However,” she continues, “I cannot hope to restore faith in the Church if we are constantly shown to be unable to handle our own. Say what you will, but Edelgarde’s war has damaged the Church’s reputation, strengthened seeds of distrust. Whether that distrust was well-placed or not is of no consequence. The reputation of the Church must be restored. Through transparency, through rooting out corruption and self-serving officials, so be it, but it must be handled by the Church. We’ve only just concluded a war built on that same distrust – what message would it send if the King had to step in? How would that offer any reassurance to the people that things are different?”

 “You suggest, then, that the people will be more willing to accept the Church should be allowed to continue to govern its own?” he asks, folding his arms.

 “I’m suggesting we be given a chance to prove ourselves. If the leaders cannot trust the Church, the people cannot hope to hold the same faith.”

 “It is a risk,” Ferdinand interjects, “but I believe Her Grace has a point. Restoring faith in the Church should be a priority, and that task begins with our actions here.”

 Lorenz and Seteth both begin to speak, but whatever they start to say is lost to Dimitri and he focuses on his wife’s voice, rising above the others. When she and Dimitri disagree on topics, the others in the room cease to exist to the two of them. While they do not always agree, he trusts her above all else. He respects and values her opinion, as she has led him down the right path time and time again.

 “Rather than bandaging a severed limb,” Byleth continues, “We should treat the root of the problem. I believe this is not the Western Church, but some unnamed force. Without revealing too much of my own hand, I have reason to believe Edelgarde’s… unsavory allies may have resurfaced.”

 “Is this truly information that should be held by the Church alone?”

 “For the time being, yes,” Byleth nods. “As you said, we do not want to cause further damage to those that are already suffering. Mobilizing too early may do just that. Again, a month is all I ask.”

 “If Ingrid and her company were instead mobilized to the Aegir territory to assist in repelling potential attacks in the meantime, would that be sufficient?” Dimitri asks. It’s more of a thought than a command. He’s willing to let Byleth win this round as he can’t begin to fathom some of the complications that come with running the Church. He takes an interest, supporting her how he can. In private, she tells him of her duties and concerns – an odd topic of conversation for pillow talk, but he likes that she trusts him with some of her burdens and worries, as she’s helped him shoulder his own for so long.

 His main goal is to protect the people. Byleth has always been better at keeping her attention toward the future, while his attention is usually focused on the short term. Perhaps it’s one of the reasons their compromises work so well. Sending troops to assist Ferdinand would fulfill his intention of keeping the villagers safe, at least until the end of the summit. Not to mention, the increase in feelings of unity.

“I have no qualms with that solution,” Byleth says, a smile forming at the corners of her mouth.

 “We would be grateful for your assistance,” Ferdinand addresses Dimitri, giving a slight bow of his head. “I’m humbled, your Majesty.”

 “It’s settled then. I will pass word along to Ingrid,” he scribbles a note for himself. “In the meantime, perhaps we should adjourn for the evening?”

 A collective sigh of relief seems to spread throughout the hall. The various lords stand, bowing to Dimitri before exiting, ready to rest and enjoy the few hours of downtime they have before meetings resume again the next morning, servants coming to escort them to their various rooms. Ferdinand and Lorenz excuse themselves as well, familiar enough with the castle they feel comfortable roaming the halls without guidance.

 Once the room is empty, Dimitri turns to his wife who stands behind him.

 “I thought that went rather well,” he says, offering his hand. She takes it. “Though the Archbishop seems quite determined to give me a hard time,” he jokes. She squeezes his hand gently.

 “You’ll have to forgive her, your Majesty. I hear she’s rather stubborn,” she smiles up at him before standing on her tiptoes and placing a kiss on his cheek.

 “If that is official guidance from my Queen, I suppose I shall take it under advisement,” he laughs. The two of them walk hand in hand through the corridors. “You’re sure the investigation into the Western Church won’t be difficult for you, beloved? I worry about your safety.”

 “I can’t promise the investigation won’t come without dangers,” she replies truthfully, “but I will exercise caution. I have Seteth watching out for me.” She sighs, her mood immediately lightening, “At any rate, that’s enough talk of politics and official business. I asked Cyril to saddle the horses before sundown. If I haven’t been too stubborn, perhaps you’d like to join me?”

 “I’m quite fond of your stubbornness, you know,” he smiles, letting her lead the way to the stables.

 “I know,” she laughs.

#anyways hildahilda i hope u kno i would die for u #ask #writing tag #fe blogging #fire emblem three houses #fe 16 #dimileth

[demiebby]

when you flirt with no:el in front of the guys and they won't let him live

Pairing: Reader x No:el (Jang Yong Jun)

A/N: im not too famliar with the indigo rappers so i will try my best to depict them all neutrally.

so you are friends with indigo music

you met them through jvcki who is like your best friend, your ride or die.

she introduced you to swings, kid milli, justhis, noel, and young b.

at first young b and milli wasn't feeling you bc like they didnt particularly like having new ppl with their crew you know what im sayin?

but eventually you grew onto them so now they arent even complaining

plus jvcki will cut their throats if they didnt want to hang with them (okno-)

ANYWAYS BACK TO WHAT WE'RE HERE FOR.

little baby noel.

unlike the others you call noel by his real name yong jun.

he blushes whenever you call him that.

when he's in the recording booth

you: you're doing great yong junnie!

him: adjdjdkskkdfl

he has a lowkey (highkey) crush on you

but he's too shy to admit it

you know he does

so does everyone else

except HE doesn't know that YOU know

one night you're eating dinner at a restaurant with indigo artists

you're all slurping on yall ddeokbokkis, noodles, all of that good shit

when all of a sudden you start to flirt with noel

"yong junnie have you've been using a new facial cleanser?"

"w-what? oh no i havent why?" *blushes*

"you look really handsome today"

cue everyone smirking and jvcki sipping on her drink

you do it again towards the end of the dinner

"yong junnie try this" *you hold up a piece of meat with chopsticks*

he opens his mouth and some of the sauce ends up on the corner of his lip

you use your thumb to wipe it off-

GIRL you're about to kill this boy if u keep on going

his face is so red and he's like fumbling with his chopsticks

the dinner ends and the guys "unexpectedly" leave u alone with noel

you dont mind

but he does

"w-wait where are you guys going?"

"we have other things to do hang out with y/n"

this is the perfect opportunity for you to tell him

you're walking on the sidewalk and its dark out

neither of u have a car bc its at the studio which is like just two blocks away (how convenient)

so you do the unexpected and grab onto his arm

"im cold and you're warm is this okay yong junnie?"

"yeah its okay" *clears throat*

you're smirking

when u two get to the building you hold his hand and look at him square in the eye.

"i know your secret."

"what secret?"

"you know what im talking about so address it and u tell me."

"i-i dont know what you're talking about"

"omfg yong jun!! i know you have a crush on me!"

boy about to faint on the spot

he thought he kept it lowkey and on the dl

nahh boy u didnt

you give him this look that says "you better tell me right now or so help me-"

"yes! i like you! i have for a while now... agh i just didnt know how to tell you!! i thought you were gonna reject me.. are you gonna reject me?"

you sigh

"yong jun i wouldnt be flirting with you, for two weeks and yea i counted, if i wasnt interested."

"so y-youre interested?"

"yes!"

"are you sure?"

"yes! do i have to prove it to you?"

he gulps

shit just got real.

you grab him by his chin and plant a good one on his lips. the kiss was sly and short but he could feel his heart pound and stomach flutter

man you are smth else

"wow... woah..."

is all he says when u pull away

"so. i expect a date sometime soon what do you think?"

he's still processing

"what was ur question?"

"omfg date yong jun when should we date?"

"oh! um, well, i could pick u up and we could see a movie?"

you agree to that and you guys set up a time and pick up place.

before u leave you kiss him again and leave him breathless.

damn.

you're a real catch

A/N: i hope this wasnt too cringy or bad!! i tried my best!!

#indigo music #khh #korean hip hop #khiphop #jung yong jun #noel #jvcki wai #kid milli #swings #justhis #fanfic #my writing

[heydocpotts]

And just finally, again if the ask in itself came out as insensitive , I am really sorry but if you don't mind just let me what was wrong and where should I change. Or just anything wrong with this ask, please just let me know in kind words.

i read ur other asks too & lowkey thats a lot to unpack but lemme see. i dont think it was insensitive?? i get u were drawing a parallel & i probably wouldve laughed given the context. rdj clearly talked abt that in a comical light, & compared to his other stints, i doubt its the worst thing he remembers when he gets introspective in the shower u get me? he joked abt it himself too so i wouldnt have felt any type of way i think. if its smth private he admitted but was still a sensitive topic, i'd be upset so ur good. (i also made that post abt the panic attack at Disneyworld bc now that i can look back i think thats super fucking funny lmao)

u asked for tips on helping ppl w panic attacks right so- being removed from the situation is big important. i dont rlly feel this way anymore bc im not v introverted anymore but being in large crowds made me feel overwhelmed & trapped.

sometimes i didnt want to be talked to so touch was ok if the person asked first. petting my hair or rubbing my back or smth was rhythmic & helped me calm down. if i wanted to be talked to, things like "hey ur ok, ur good. everyones safe, ur safe too" helped. words like "ur being too emotional" or "calm down" are Bad personally.

help them slow their breathing down- theres a method for breathing where u picture a square in ur head right, & u start at one corner & take a breath & hold it. when u get to the next corner u let it out & so on until u stop hyperventaliting. it works for me so if someone says like "hey take a breath, square method" that helped

always ask before u touch someone. ask if they want to be alone, ask if its ok if u stay or if they need someone else. if theyre ok being verbal, ask what they need. if they dont know, pick smth but ask permission before going through. never baby someone- theyre not kids, theyre just going thru shit. remind them ur there for them. dont make them feel weird, let it pass & move on.

(long answer srry but this is i guess whats good)

#thats rlly cool of u to be considerate enough of other ppls feelings & mine #to be careful & ask for tips on how to improve on what u say #Big Respect b #the consideration 👌👌👌👌 #this is long & its early (for me) so idk if this makes ang sense rn im tired

[skizmin]

minghao!soulmate au

prompt: if someone touches you, your soulmate feels warm where you’ve been touched and can sense how you feel about the contact (uncomfortable, calm etc;)

genre: fluff soooo much fluff, soulmates!au, very very brief and vague ment of sexual harassment its tiny pls dont be put off, college!au

a/n: hey minghao, i miss you, please rest lots and become healthy for seventeens next comeback!!

okay so

throughout your younger years youve never really paid much attention to your soulmate, ofc your parents told you when you were about four that the weird warm things you were feeling was your “one true love that you’ll meet later” and whatnot

i mean of course youd chuckle sometimes when your cheeks got all warm and an annoyed feeling fleetingly passed through you knowing your soulmate must be being coddled by one of his aunts or smth 

but other than that

you just went on with your life

it wasnt until you were sixteen did you start paying more attention to it

sometimes youd get a bit worried when youd feel a warm spot on your arm and a surge of slight anger in your heart but it was always quickly replaced by happiness

you knew it was his friends hitting him by then so you just chilled tf

even when you felt your ass became VERY warm, you felt the same anger/happiness flow through your body so you just shook the fact that your soulmates ass just got BEAt off and continued what you were doing. 

youll have junhui to thank for that later

so by the time you were going into university you had become very aware of the fact that your soulmate was barely ever getting hugs anymore

and you just :^((( poor bby

and an idea popped into your head like !!!

my soulmate feels warm when i get hugged akdfksjla

instantly you were like IM GONNA HUG EVERYONE!!!!! EVEN IF ITS AWKWARD

so like, first day on campus housing grounds you found your dorm house and with that your RA housemate

she was cool and you where like hhhhhhh

i barely know you but

i have this duty of care for my soulmate so im just gonna

and you hugged her rly big and you felt uncomfortable at first but also so proud of yourself like wow

get you a girl like me ;^))

anyway your housemate is like “oooooookay, this is your room here and its just us and three others who’re already here”

youre awkwardly like cool okay see u later

amd ur blushing rly hard but hey at least you did it

anyway fast forward a couple weeks and youre like hugging all your new friends everytime you see them and theyre like wow shes clingy but they still luv you

and youre!!

so!!

comfortable!!

abt doing it now like “hey hugs????? hugs are my shit.” ya feel?

cut over to minghao whos going to the same university as you with junhui

they both moved from china and minghao misses his fam so much :^(((

particuarly his mums hugs which he got all the time and sometimes he thought it was annoying but now hes like hhhh

MUM BRING ME BACK

minghaos mum was also rly open about haos soulmate and loved hearing about her

like one day hao came home (age 18???) fuming bc he felt his chest get warm in class and then his butt and a really strong feeling of fear and uncomfort and disgust filled him and he immediately knew what happened but he didnt feel anything else after that and he was so glad but still and his mum was like hao that happens to girls :^((( im sorry your soulmate must feel awful rn 

and hao felt sick in his stomach and he was like “im gonna kill anyone that does that to my soulmate again mum !!!!!!!!

and his mum was so proud

anyway hes almost fluent in korean by now and luckily junhui is good at making friends and found some that speak madarin and korean too so!!

their new friend jackson and some others are constantly with hao and hui being like “no that means square, this is how you say suspense” n shit

and hao learnt rly easily!! so did hui!! anyway

lately hao has been feeling his soulmate hug a lot of people lately and hed be rly happy except hes sorta 

“is my soulmate dating someone rn?? :^((” 

and hed remind himself you can date whoever you want before you meet him 

but hed still be all emo bc he wants love too and he misses his family and hes in a foreign country and hes failing one of his subjects bc how is he supposed to know all the non latin korean terms for all the flowers and plants they get pop quizzes on

and he just wants to hurry up and meet you bc hes all 

“everythings gonna be fine when i meet my soulmate!!!!!! theyre gonna make everything perfect for me!!!!!”

like, hao sweetie

calm down

but he’d be so determined like legit whenever junhui was with him and they were around people he’d be like JUNHUI TOUCH MY ARM

and he’d look around frantically for someone being like “tf my arm is warm gosh dang wonder what my soulmates up to lol” but he’d be a bit disappointed every time.

anyway tho so jackson invites him and junhui to his friend jaes party after teaching them all the korean slang shit

legit hes like

“guys. i think youre ready for your first party”

junhui nearly cries

little does he know youre??? invited to the same one by your housemate jimin (jyp gang here we go)

anyway you go to the party and are determined like legit hugging everyone you meet and jimins next to you like

im rly sorry about her dont ask

and minghaos in the kitchen like!!!! wth my soulmate keeps hugging people junhui smh smh 

he’s slightly buzzed and hella jealous

anyway he goes to the loungeroom for a sec to find his friend sicheng who just messaged that he was here 

and wow best luck ever you walk up to junhui and jae and meet them both!! youre all 

JAEE THANKS FOR HAVING THIS PARTY IM Y/N and you give him the biggest hug and then you turn to junhui whos all

hi im junhui

and smiling awkwardly and youre like

NICE TO MEET YOU!!!!!

and give him an even bigger hug than you gave jae and jae and jimin are watching you like wtf and junhuis like awkwardly patting your back and IN COMES MINGHAO WHOS GETTING SICHENG A DRINK

hes like jeSuS chRiSt how many time does she have to hug her s/o in the span of an hour!!!!!!!!

and he feels random extra warmth spurt on his back and hes like what sort bf/gf pats their s/os back lmao and then he seens you hugging junhui and he like

pauses for a second 

then hes like haha gtta be a coincidence that i can see a georgeous random stranger hugging my best friend in the same way i can feel my soulmate hugging someone rn

amd junui sees hao and a wave of relief passes over him and he grabs your shoulders and pushes you away like

MINGHAO HEY!!

and you turn around as junhuis like “this is y/n, friend of a friend of jacksons ad jaes”

and minghaos like HOLY SHIT I FELT THAT MY SHOULDERS JUST GREW WARM

and then you meet eyes with the most goRGEOUS boy youve ever seen like HOW can someone look like that

and as soon as you meet eyes your body just gets soWARM and your heart like

fuckin swells and shit

and youre like ohmygodohmygod whats happening

and hes looking at you with the widest eyes ever and everyones like “wow they must find each other pretty hot theyre just staring at each other”

and suddenly minghao grabs sichengs hand and just places it on his chest and sichengs like wtf no homo

and you feel warmth on your chest and a surge of shock, excitement and hopefulness rush through your blood but the first thing you say is

WTF YOU PERV as youre grabbing your chest and junhui finally catches on and walks up and pokes you in the stomach and you yelp and minghao just touches the warm spot on his stomach and smiles SO wide

he legit runs up to you like OHMYGOD YOURE MY SOULMATE TELL ME EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IVE DREAMT OF MEETING YOU MY WHOLE LIFE 

and he goes to hug you but stops himself

by now everyones gone to give you some privacy 

and youre like wot!!!!! hug me!!!!!!

but he just says “dont you have a partner?? im not doing anything with you until you and them break up” he ain no homewrecker sweeties no cheating in this household

and youre just like

????????? what ?????????

“youre always hugging your partner!! its hard not t notice, youre so proud after too :^(((”

and you start laughing

hes just pouting at you like whattttttttttttt

you say in between laughs

im hugging people for you!!! you havent been getting hugs lately, and i like it when you get hugs i love the feeling so i thought id hug a bunch of people so you could feel warm anf fuzzy inside!!!

he looks at you like,,,,,, oh,,,,,,

and then he swoops you into the biggest bear hug ever and you feel warm and fuzzy except its not the same. it feels so

so real??????

you almost start crying and then he pulls away looking teary eyed too

“y/n was it??? im minghao. and im looking forward to hugging you and being with you for the rest of my life.”

youve never smiled wider as you jumped into him and gave him your first kiss while thinking of how great your future was gonna be.

fin.

hope yall liked that shit!!!!!!

#minghao #xu minghao #the8 #seventeen #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen aus #minghao scenarios #minghao imagines #the8 scenarios #the8 imagines #minghao fluff #minghao soulmate au #the8 fluff #the8 soulmate au #seventeen fluff #mingyu fluff #bts fluff #astro fluff #exo fluff #got7 fluff #jackson fluff #jimin fluff #jackson scenario #monsta x fluff #masterlist

[bnha-hcs]

.:Soul Bond:. - Chapter 1

Alasjlka I meant to write this a long ass time ago but a few things popped up and I got busy rip,,, alskm Anyways this is the beginning to the series I was talking about doing!! It’s a crossover with an old rpg game that I really loved. I kept the name of the village elder bc I couldn’t think if anyone who could fit in her place for now. I might go back and change it once I’m not sleep deprived and up at 2:30 in the morning :’) Tell me what you guys think!

I also have an Ao3 now!! I’ll be posting stuff for other fandoms so if you wanna request a one shot or smth from another fandom shoot me an ask on here or on my ao3!! -----> Here!!

You wake up, eyes fluttering open and staring blankly at the ceiling. A groan escapes your lips as you roll over and take the pillow behind your head, shoving it over your head in an attempt to keep out the light of the morning sun. In the distance, you recall with a grimace, is the sound of the tower bell, signalling you to rise. But, gods, you really don’t have the energy to get up after yesterday’s training with your friend. She really was insistent when it came to training with you. Even though you had beat her countless amounts of times, she still insisted you were the weaker of the two of you. And so she drove you to train with her endlessly, and when you were summoned to do other village duties it was a blessing really. You loved her to death but, man, she just really took the energy outta you sometimes.

“Hey, are you still sleeping?” You heard a familiar voice blare, causing you to groan and curl up in a ball. “How many times do I have to wake you up myself??”

The door was already open and you lazily tried to fend off your friend with a few swipes of your hand. She clearly wasn’t amused as you swatted at her and opted to yank the bedsheets off of you completely. You slumped on the bed in defeat while she grabbed your ankles and started to drag you out of the bed. She whined at you for being so heavy to which you snorted at.

“Come ooon!” She drawled in aggravation, “The village elder already summoned us! What if we’re finally going to be made guards just like we’ve been hoping?”

Ah, that’s right, you thought. It was for the past few months that the two of you had finally made it to the age that most others are when they begin their village guardianship. She had been nagging you about it between meals and duties around the village. The elder had repeatedly refused the two of you whenever you pressed the matter however, only going to anger the latter. You were fine with waiting if that’s what was needed, but someone else wasn’t as sold on the idea. Though, you had to admit, it was getting a little tiring being kept like a beauty in a gilded cage in this secret hidden village. Visitors here were few and far between and if rumors were true, the outside world was in peril of falling apart and decaying into nothing.

Your friend had given up on you by now as you lethargically got up to get ready. As you tugged on a usual shirt you felt the ache in your muscles while your mind wandered to the past few days. Nothing had stood out to you besides the village elder acting a bit distant. The look in her old eyes grew distant, cold even as she bid you farewell after every meeting. You shrugged it off. Maybe she was just getting sentimental about the two of your growing up? Having practically raised the two of you, maybe it was time she thought about letting you two grow up a little. Either way, it wasn’t your place to press about it, and even when your friend complained about the unfairness of being denied guard status, you were ready to remind her that the village elder was only doing what she thought best.

“Ochako,” You spoke quietly. The quick tilt of your head gave heed to what you meant. Being more of a soft spoken, quiet sort of person, only a few words got the point across most of the time. You found your friend being so outspoken was good, mostly because you wouldn’t have to explain so much, especially when you got a little flustered trying to explain things.

“It’s a about time.” She huffed in mock annoyance. You followed her down the hall and out into the main area, a small cave dug out with pillars of light filtering in from the ceiling. They shown onto the crystaline water flowing from the small fountain in the center, the cave made out of an almost quartz like material. If you hadn’t lived here the past 16 years you would’ve thought this place were some sort of ethereal plane of existence. But now it was just the same old area you passed through time and time again.

As soon as you reached the chamber in which your village elder dwelled, you kneeled until she bid you to rise. Ochako was trying her best not to blurt out the same question she had been asking the past months. You eyed her wordlessly before glancing back at the village elder, her eyes betraying something you weren’t sure you wanted to know about. It gave you an odd feeling, but you had no idea how to express it, so you kept it to yourself as you waited.

“It’s occured to me that I’ve been a bit, stingy with the two of you.” She began, the words flowing out, slow like molasses, “I believe it’s time.”

“W-w-wait… R-really?” The girl beside you choked out, looking like a fish with such a gaping look. ‘’Do you really mean it, Lady Layna?”

The old lady only chuckled at this, an raspy but hearty sort of sound. She held out a staff, pointing it squarely at Ochako, before an assortment of weapons appeared on the ground in front of her. The younger girl went bug eyed at the choice of brilliant looking weapons, but she was quick to gravitate towards the weapon she had been talking about since she was little.

“The choice it yours,” Layna spoke, “But choose wisely, for the weapon you choose will reflect your hero’s soul.”

“Hmm- These!” Ochako suddenly spoke, grabbing the emerald looking pair of short sickles. They shown in the gleaming light, and it was almost a divine win had sprung from her touch.

“Those blades will make sure your strikes are as light and quick as the wind, while your heart stays just as true. A truly fitting pick for you.”

You gawked a bit at the weapons but before you could step over to see what you could pick, they vanished. With a start you darted your gaze back over to Layna, catching a glimpse of a grimace on her face. You internally panicked, but you didn’t let it show much. With another swirl of her staff, another weapon was held before you.

“And for you,” She paused, putting her staff down and holding onto it with a grip tight enough to see her knuckles whiten. “I have only this.”

You gulped, unsure if you should even touch this thing. It was a black, onyx sword, the blade looking downright malicious as a set of red gems gleamed like eyes peering into your soul. It was unsettling and you weren’t sure if you could even refuse at this point. You glanced over at Ochako, whom of which seemed to be mirroring your concern. You looked back at the blade and swallowed hard. With a pit in your stomach you reached out, hands brushing over the handle before you grasped the blade fully. And oh boy, you really wished you hadn’t.

In an instant a wave of darkness sprang from it and engulfed you fully. Your hair whipped back from your face from the sheer force and at this point you were holding on for dear life. The waves of darkness continued to pour from the blade endlessly. Red and black mingled together like paint on a canvas. Swirling and mixing together as it leaked out into the room.

“(Y/n)!” You heard Ochako exclaim.

As soon as you looked over to her your vision clouded and you saw only darkness. A tingling sensation shot through your body, and you suddenly felt like you were floating. When you found yourself trying to look around however, you noticed that you couldn’t look at your own body. Slowly, a figure came into view in the darkness, the shadows giving way to a red hue. You saw, floating in the ethereal darkness, a boy with spiky ash blond hair, wearing a loose black tunic and gray pants. His hands were shoved in his pockets and his eyes were staring right through. A wicked looking smirk was plastered across his face. It wasn't long before you heard a rough voice yell out into a devilish laugh.

“It’s about damn time you shitty hag!” You heard him exclaim, though it felt like it was coming from you. “It’s been hundreds of years since I’ve gotten to stretch my legs!”

“W-What’s going on??” You heard Ochako stammer through the darkness.

“And from the looks of it, you chose a pretty good one, too!” The voice boomed in your ears. “Cozy even, I could get used to this.”

Your face flushed at this and you weren’t sure how to respond to this. Was he inside you? How was he in the sword? What the actual fuck was going on?? You spaced out, thinking at a rate of about a thousand miles an hour. It wasn’t until you heard someone screaming at you to listen did you finally snap back into reality, if this even was reality at this point.

“Hey are you even listening to me?” You heard him again. “The names Katsuki, baddest of the bad, maddest of the mad, killer of kings and destroyer of worlds!”

You rolled your eyes, but he didn’t seem to notice or care. In fact, now that you got a good look at him in this small void place you were dwelling away from the others, it looked like her had these weird floating things draped around his shoulders. Just what the hell was he?

“I’m what you call a Master of Death.” He said, as if he were reading your mind, and you panicked for a good second. “Now give me dominion over your body.”

Wait. W h a t.

“Excuse me?” You asked, “What are you going to do with it if I do?”

“Why I’m going to blow up this whole fucking world of course!” He gloated, a laugh ripping through his chest, almost like a mighty howl.

“Then no.” You said simply. “Why would I even let you do that?”

“Hey hey hey, don’t be selfish! I’ve been kept in that stupid sword for so long!” He whined, “Can’t you help a guy out?”

“No.” You said flatly, crossing your arms mentally.

There was a long and loud groan before your vision was no longer clouded in darkness and you were on the ground, hands still held fast around the handle of the blade. You groggily got up, holding the blade in one hand now. Layna looked at you warily but you weren’t sure what to even say to her.

“You sure picked a stubborn one,” You heard the voice again, “She didn’t even fucking budge!”

“Then I was right to put my faith in (Y/n).” Layna sighed, relief setting into her features.

“Wait, what the hell just happened??”

------

Layne had explained everything to you, about how she had fought Katsuki over a millenia ago and sealed him into the blade, and how she had been looking for someone she thought could handle the power of keeping the Master of Death sealed within their body. That person happened to be you this time and you shuddered to think of what would’ve happened if your body had given out like the ones before you. Ochako was not impressed or remotely okay with this fact and refused to acknowledge Katsuki despite him now constantly insulting her from within you. Her first instinct was to call him a demon, and was convinced you were possessed. But Layna had assured her that you were in fact, still you.

Although you know had a duty to perform now. You were not to be a guard of the village, but you were to go out into the world and hopefully do something about what was called a ‘World Eater’ that was the cause of the earth tremors growing more and more violent in your village. What that meant for Ochako you had no idea. But it was hard to say no to Layna after what all had just happened. You couldn’t even remember half the details she had told you. Everything was foggy and your muscles still ached from the hordes of training the past few days.

So after a long ass day and ordeal you decided to take a bath, forgetting you were in the presence of a certain Master of Death. Just as you had begun to strip you heard a whistle of approval from somewhere. Whipping around you saw no one, before the realization sunk in and you groaned while sliding down the wall of the bathroom.

“I see everything you see you know.” He cackled, already amused by your response. “Don’t worry though, if you close your eyes I won't be able to see anything as long as you don’t open them.”

You simply kicked off your socks and slid into the tub fully clothed, earning a disappointed whine from the stupid Master of Death residing in your body. You began to scrub on whatever exposed skin you had, but you weren’t sure if you could ever feel clean with this asshole lurking inside you.

“You’re bathing in your clothes?” Katsuki whined, “You’re no fun.”

You didn’t respond, not really wanting to, but you figured you’d have to get used to eventually whether you liked it or not. It was going to be hell from here on out.

“Don’t worry, soon I’ll know all your dirty secrets.” He taunted as you sat in the tub sulking.

“Lady Layna, I kind of hate you.”

#bnha imagines #bnha #bakugou katsuki #bakugou x reader #mha #crossover #I'm changing things as I go but also I'm tired rip

[archiveofolives]

Ring of Keys and Other Stories VI

A/N/SUMMARY fun fact: i finished the first draft of soulmate/soulbond in a day. which should tell you that i feel very nice about this fic and it’s my favorite bc of that. set in yavin 4 between eadu and scarif in the canon timeline. inspiration also comes from one of my most favorite films and love stories of all the love eterne (whose influence is also in the last fic if you know where to look)

RATING/WARNINGS pg or smth idk/n/a

WORD COUNT 3,484

AO3 here

—

The hangar bay was empty. There were no technicians, no rebels, no ragtag crew standing around, screaming and shouting at each other near the cargo shuttle they’d commandeered from Eadu. After the long journey from Jedha, after the life and death situations they’d put themselves through, there being no other path to take, the silence and the emptiness were suddenly so jarring. That was the point that Baze realized that an empty hangar bay with an empty cargo ship with no soul to speak of was the picture definition of depressing.

How apt that he should choose this point in his life to philosophize when he’d pretty much lost what was equivalent to everything. His past, his home. About the only reasons why he was still standing on his own two feet were Chirrut Imwe and the rebel crew they were suddenly a part of. So did that make those idiots his friends?

Baze chuckled suddenly, but they weren’t as bad as they looked; the captain turned out to be competent, his droid the same, the girl managed to earn his respect and even the pilot hid a little fire in himself. People like that, he could learn to appreciate.

Besides, Chirrut seemed to like this dysfunctional group. People Chirrut liked, Baze could learn to like, as well. Where was Chirrut, anyway? Alliance Intelligence—or whoever it was who debriefed them—couldn’t be all that interested in the life of a blind man, could they? Unless they’d made the mistake of asking Chirrut about the Force.

The thought almost made Baze want to laugh if he just didn’t feel so stupid doing it alone where no one else could hear. He decided to wait for Chirrut outside in the hangar bay, exploring its high walls, the panels and screens, and the toys—parts, really, and tools and equipment—lying around, out in the open where they could kill a person, safety warnings be damned. When he’d run out of pipes and plates to knock his fist on, he decided to move onto the open cargo shuttle and tour himself. He was familiar with its interior of course from the days he was away from Jedha. The layout and terminals were all pretty much standard issue (he realized then that the Empire, for all its invasiveness, didn’t quite bother personalizing all their possessions) that he didn’t need more than 10 minutes to reacquaint himself to the ship.

He stepped out. Still no Chirrut. Which volume of the journals was he at now? A deep sigh escaped Baze as he wandered over to a heavy turbine on its side that must be about his height, propped atop two ridged transformers that must be big enough to contain a child each. He sat down on one of them where he could best keep an eye on the entrance to the bay. Folded himself forward to get comfortable, praying hands finding his nose and his mouth.

Before he could stop himself, he closed his eyes and started to breathe deeply. In spite of his divorce with the faith, meditation was still a large part of his life. It was a difficult habit to break, having been a part of his daily routine in the days of the Temple, and even as a skeptic, he could find some nugget of peace with himself in it. His red armor wrapped around his collar made it a little difficult to focus, but it could be managed.

Could be forgotten with the rest of the gray hangar, the echoes of footsteps, of distant commands, the fragrance of leaves, of the strange forests that surrounded them, that seemed inescapable. But there he was, floating in the void of his own emptiness, away from the world and alone…

He heard him first before he saw him, as always—like a drop of water that sent a ripple all across his senses and roused him from his deep trance. Baze felt like a statue coming to life after a long century of slumber. His eyes opened to the sound of his steps and the tip of his staff—and true enough, when he turned, he was there, smiling as he would, a female pilot at his side, all but ready to lead this blind man by the hand. Little wonder then that Chirrut should look quite happy and amused. He felt the familiar tugs of his own smile knocking on his cheeks but self-consciousness squashed that like a bug. The flush of relief was an entirely different species, though, and he permitted himself that much.

He folded his arms on his lap while he watched his friend’s progress. The woman caught sight of him, then.

“Oh your friend’s here,” she announced. She was young, idealistic by the tone of her voice.

“I know,” Chirrut assured her. Then with a theatrical whisper that was meant to be carried out to the audience, he leaned to the pilot and explained, “I can smell him from here.”

“I heard that!” Baze snapped.

The pilot looked like she was caught between laughing and blushing but she powered through. “Can you find your way from here? He’s just straight ahead.” She even pointed to Baze on the occasion that the blind man could see her.

“I can do straight ahead,” Chirrut assured her pleasantly. “Thank you, Shara.”

She waved to the sightless man and then to Baze who lifted his brow. While she hurried back the way they came, Chirrut started forward with his uneti staff held away at an angle, one end at the ground. Snakes of cables and discarded canisters and valves littered his path but he kicked away those he could and hopped over those he couldn’t. Baze watched with no expression.

Once Chirrut arrived, he stretched out a leg to mark his finish line. The younger man didn’t stop walking until it hit his tummy. A hand wrapped itself around his ankle on instinct lest he overbalanced. Chirrut’s fat cheeks restrained a laughter from within.

“You want to sit? What took you so long?” Baze asked with a frown, shifting aside while Chirrut tested the side of the transformer with one foot, and then the turbine’s frame next to it.

With hardly a breath of warning, he flew in two kicks, turned in the air and landed quite impressively on his ass. “I got lost along the way,” Chirrut answered cheerfully, staff meeting the ground with a sound tap. “It’s a big place and I took the wrong turn.”

“Mhm.”

“Did you see the giant water fountain in the middle of this base? It’s so huge, it’s big enough to fit a full-grown Hutt!”

“I’m sure.”

Chirrut clicked his tongue and frowned. “You’re no fun.”  

Well, Baze was also sure of that.

He clipped Chirrut’s ear between his fingers and yanked it down. Chirrut yelped, catching his ear before it fell off. He started laughing again.

Baze shook his head, smiling slightly at the blind man. “What sort of questions did they ask you?”

“I think they were mostly concerned about whether or not I was a Jedi,” Chirrut said. He frowned after, tilting his head to one side, brows knotted in deep conversation. “Now I wonder if I should have just said yes. I think they were looking to hire me. That would have made a good income.”

“What use is a good income if you’re going to be dead before you spend it?” Baze asked, one brow up again.

Chirrut turned to return to him the same expression. “I guess you haven’t figured that out yet, have you?” Baze responded by jabbing the side of his head with a strong finger. Chirrut grinned impishly. He knew he got him there. “Well, what did they ask you?”

“They were interested about my cannons.”

“Were they looking to hire you for that?”

Baze frowned, the corners of his lips pulled low. He shrugged and said, “Who knows?”

“Well, it’s definitely not for your winning personality.”

Definitely not. Baze smirked and nudged the man beside him. “You know I’m expensive.”

“Sounds just like the thing a jobless man would say.”

This time he snickered with his cheeky partner. When he shoved him sideways next, it was with the fullest preparation of meeting Chirrut’s blocking forearm, which felt not unlike slamming into a wall, even as Chirrut was shaking with laughter. It felt good to be talking like this again—as if the entire galaxy wasn’t about to come down on them, as if they hadn’t been quite literally chased out of their own home. A home they no longer had.

It hit him then that this was the second time they’d lost a home. He couldn’t say which was worse, though. The first time had been harder, but this time, there was nothing and nowhere they could go back to. No street, no rubble, not even a piece of carpet on which to sleep.

He didn’t even know what was going to happen to them from here on out. A leaf in a storm would probably be a good analogy to their present situation. They’d survived Saw’s rebels, they’d survived the Death Star—one of the few who could say that—and they’d survived the Empire and the Alliance on Eadu. Now they were stuck here in Yavin 4 for no other reason than that they were dragged along. They had no choice. It was run or die, sink or swim.

Baze wasn’t one to panic—that had always been one of his greatest strengths even when the galaxy was already giving him every reason to tear his hair off, screaming. But he wasn’t young anymore and he wasn’t getting any younger either. This life of constantly fighting for food, shelter, survival, day in and day out…it wasn’t meant to go on forever. Just when he thought he’d finally figured it out for Chirrut and himself, here comes a death ray destroying everything they’d built. And then they were back to square one again.

He heaved out a great sigh, staring into nothingness. “How did we get here?” he asked, wearily.

He wasn’t really expecting any answer, but apparently questions were part of Chirrut’s expertise. Bless the man really for still finding reason to smile in spite of their circumstances. Head tilted a little towards his partner, he said, “It’s the consequence of being alive.”

That was true, and Baze was glad for it. Being alive meant more days of worrying and fighting but it was far better than being dead and non-existent. In fact, death and non-existence would be far worse. Baze could never do that to Chirrut—leave him alone again to fend for himself in this vast galaxy, just because this time he’d been too slow, too weak, too stupid. Just because he’d failed. Jedha had already given him too many names to pray for, sagging him under their weight. He’d heard him muttering them even in his sleep, on the flight to Eadu from the ruins of Jedha. That was enough.

“What do you think happens now?” Baze asked.

Chirrut shrugged. “Who knows? No one can tell the will of the Force, we can only follow it. The Force led us to the Holy Quarter to rescue Jyn. It brought us to Eadu for the same reason. Now we’re here.”

“So you think we’re all here just to,” Baze was the one who shrugged this time, “protect Jyn?” He nodded to the entrance to the hangar. “She looks like she gets into too much trouble for her own good, but not someone who needs a sitter. Much less two.” Besides, he was already looking after one fool who liked to fling himself headlong into battle. He wasn’t sure he needed another.

“I think we’re here for another reason,” Chirrut said, furrowing his brows, looking like he was inspecting his dangling feet. “The Force brought us to these people for a reason.”

“You saying the Force wants us to join the Alliance?” Baze’s brows flew.

“Not the Alliance,” Chirrut explained quietly. “But the rebellion.”

His meaning was plain to Baze, but the man still found enough reason to pretend that it wasn’t. In all the time they were running and fighting, he never felt that cold hand of dread wrapping itself around his heart. Funny that it should come now, when they were supposed to be safe among friends. Besides, wasn’t this what he’d been dreaming of in the past? A chance to finally bring revenge to the Empire’s doorstep.

“You think…Jyn is going to keep fighting? No matter what the council says?”

Chirrut raised his eyes to look blindly ahead of him. “I know she will.” He had seen through her heart of Kyber.

Well, that was it, wasn’t it? The truth as plain as day. Whatever it entailed, he didn’t know—but Baze knew for sure that he could finally breathe in relief. The uncertainty had lifted, and the inevitable has come. Now he knew what they were going to do. And what he was going to do.

Whatever gave him the idea, he couldn’t say. Probably some childhood tale from all those old holocrons, during the days they were still learning verses. But whatever it was, it made him glad that he kept a piece of blade in one of his many pockets, and that they’d gotten into the habit of salvaging whatever could be reused and repurposed while they still had the chance.

Baze reached back to his wavy, oily locks and carefully snipped off a finger’s width. The crisp sound drew Chirrut’s attention towards him, like a bird turning so suddenly. “What’s that?” he asked, curious.

“None of your business yet,” Baze muttered, looking for something to pin his hair in.

Chirrut nudged him with a toothy grin. “You’re my business.”

Baze eyed him incredulously. “Are you trying to look cute?” he asked. “Now’s an inappropriate time!”

“I wasn’t saying anything like that,” Chirrut said, sulking like a boy and doing well at it. He was always so good at impressions. He made a bed for his chin with his two hands on his staff and pouted at an unseen object.

Baze snorted, shaking his head and smiling slightly. Eventually, he managed to produce a synthetic red cord from one of his other pockets which he tied around one end of his lock of hair, making it easier to knot the rest in a nice and tight braid. Chirrut started humming a song soon after, tapping the heels of his shoes to the transformer in different configurations to provide the beat to his rhythm. Baze always thought that he had a good singing voice, that he could carry a tune.

He was in the middle of a second repeat of the song when Baze finally jumped off to his feet and told him, “Give me your hand.”

“In marriage?” Chirrut asked, jesting. Excitement filled his smile at the opening Baze had walked right into. He sighed, but that only caused Chirrut to grin wider. Baze couldn’t say if the blind fool would ever get tired of these jokes. He didn’t think he ought to, of course. “We’ve been through this a number of times, Baze.”

“We’ve been through this a number of times!” Baze echoed him to agree although their contexts were definitely different from each other. Chirrut held out his left hand anyway, the one without the impeller gauntlet, and Baze draped the length of his braided lock over the back of his wrist. He made a few measurements and a few quick adjustments with the cord and the end knot.

It didn’t take him long to finish the bracelet after, wrapped loosely around Chirrut’s pulse. It was his hair woven and stitched with the cord, locked with a complicated knot he’d learned from the streets. “There,” Baze said, wiping his hands on his suit and putting away the blade and the little that was left of the cord. “Now you can look.”

Look, of course, was a subjective command here. Chirrut’s idea of looking was running his finger down the plaited locks and testing its width. His brows met in intrigue. “This is…” He brought the bracelet to his nose and sniffed the familiar smell. “Your hair!”

“Mhm.”

“This means ‘til death do us part.” The gravity of which was not lost on Chirrut, who stared perfectly straight at Baze in surprise, as if his milky blue eyes had been suddenly cured.

Baze gave him a small smile. “It seems that you know what’s going to happen now, and I think I do, too—but I’m not the one who’s attuned to the Force here.”

“Baze…”

Baze scratched his head briefly, feeling the part where he’d taken his hair. “The point is,” he continued, “and I know this is a redundant symbol, but whatever happens now, what’s important to me is that you’ll always have a part of me with you.” He slid his hands onto Chirrut’s palms and let the man hold him.

Looking at his blind eyes, he said, “I just can’t bear the thought of you alone without me.”

He always loved the kind of smile that Chirrut put on every time he bared his soul and opened up his weakness. It was at once shy, at once comforting, but the entirety of it was drawn by a deity of love. “Stop being silly,” he chided him softly. “When you left, you came back—because there’s no world that can exist without you beside me. The Force brought us together. And what the Force brought together, no creature, no worldly thing can separate.”

He raised a hand and laid it lightly on the side of Baze’s face, stroking his tired skin. Baze wanted to close his eyes and pour himself into the softness but he wanted to look at Chirrut’s face, too. “Where would I be without you? Nowhere. It’s a fallacy, Baze. It simply won’t work.” His smile stretched out wider, and Baze grinned back.

They kissed, Baze pulling his chin towards him, Chirrut’s breath shuddering under his mouth, eager to pour out the same love through his lips. It was mind blowing, an embarrassment towards them, how little they’d shared a kiss since they escaped Jedha. It was no wonder they were constantly so starved for each other whenever they were alone, no matter how long they spent together or how hard they kissed. Damn the Death Star if it thought it could get in the way of all that was good to them. It may take away their home, their family and friends and past—but they would kill it first before they let it separate them permanently.

Baze pulled free with a wet smack and a heavy breath pouring out of his mouth. Chirrut was catching his own heart even as they connected their foreheads to each other.

“No matter what happens,” Baze growled, looking closely at his love, “I’ll never leave you. I promise.”

“You can’t!” Chirrut reminded him, laughing. They kissed again, hands on their cheeks, lips in perfect unity. They kissed sweetly with the bliss of a reunion after such a long parting. Nothing mattered in their little pocket of the galaxy. Not the heat, not the scent of fuel or of alien trees in the forests.

Not the hurrying footsteps and the excitable, “Mr. Malbus, Mr. Imwe!” Sadly, the shouting was an entirely different story altogether.

The end to such a perfect kiss came abruptly, flesh torn so rudely without the last negotiations for more. “I’m sorry! I didn’t know, I didn’t see!” the visitor cried.

It was a rebel at the entrance to the hangar bay, waving his hands to the Guardians while he averted his eyes, as well. Baze looked at him with immense disappointment while Chirrut sighed, head bowed low. “Y, you can forget I’m here,” he insisted stubbornly. “I, I was just looking for the captain—!”

“Didn’t your mother ever teach you how to knock?” Chirrut demanded sharply, using the voice of an angry parent. The rebel started to stammer again but that was only because he couldn’t hear Chirrut gasping for breath and see his cheeks aching from grinning. Baze groaned, ducking under a hand to hide his own mirth from the poor flustered man.

“I, I said I didn’t see it, okay? I didn’t see it!!” Which made Baze wonder what he thought he was seeing. Well, too late for that, Chirrut was already laughing uncontrollably. What a shame. And that had been a very good kiss. Probably the last they’d have in a while.

They’ll get another chance after all this is over. He swore that on all the stars above them.

“A, anyway!” The rebel persisted stubbornly, even though he was blushing like the lavas of Mustafar. “Where’s Captain Andor! They said he was looking for volunteers.”

#spiritassassin week #spiritassassin #rogue one #chirrut imwe #baze malbus #liv does sa week #seaofolives original #sa fic

[archieism]

good morning i am tired of the human experience

#more specifically my experience #i know there are beautiful parts of being alive i know it #but it's hard to find them #not just bc of a pandemic but like at all #like i know i'm only 20yo but it feels like i have no traction to get out of this #like i need money to move away from the middle of nowhere #but it's hard to make money. when you're in the middle of fucking nowhere #and have the shittiest resume. from growing up in the middle of fucking nowhere #so then i just end up waiting for something to happen instead of feeling like i can make the difference myself #and i'm just so tired of waiting #i don't know how to make my life get any better #i don't know and i'm tired of limbo but idk what to do abt it so 🤷‍♀️ #i just kinda wanna die lol #which is super disappointing bc i was starting to do so much better the latter half of 2019 #and now it feels like i'm back to square one #and idk how to get what i had back cause idk what caused it #it couldve been these vitamins i was taking that supposedly helped with stuff like depression #but im kind of hoping it was smth else cause that costs more money than i or my mom can pay for #regularly at least #but if it was smth free lmao & i can figure out how to replicate it maybe i can. fix this #idfk #i don't have the energy to think abt this at 7am i woke up too early lol #i'm going back to sleep maybe my depressive episide will be over by then x #personal

[wdfa]

coming back from winter break like HELLO NAUGHTY CHILDREN ITS RELAPSE TIME

warning for... um. lots of stuff. a loooot of self hate/negative self talk. internalized transphobia/cissexism. discussions of sexual experiences (not in detail). menstruation mention. depression and symptoms.

im struggling so hard rn ugh so many Symptoms.. especially with feelings of worthlessness!!!!!!! like i just feel like im annoying ppl with just my existence!!!! UGH like i know it’s irrational bc so many ppl love and care about me and they have voiced these facts as well as affirmed them through actions! and they continue to do so! it kinda has a lot to do with my dysphoria? im not sure how to like. explain it??? because there is Context.

last saturday my frat had a brothers-only party and it was fun and cute and i had Such a Good Time because i love my brothers! some alumni came too like i got to see my grandbig again and my 2 adopted grandbigs LMAO... one is dating my gbig so she’s step-gbig i guess not adopted? but the other one is in my family line, and he has 2 “real” grandlittles but he adopted me and one of my fifth (?) cousins. ANYWAYS it was really tender because that literally happened that night, he said “as far as im concerned, i have 4 grandlittles... plates, kali, billy, and u” and im not kidding i almost cried it touched my salty ass heart. and that was pretty much the theme of the night, just me loving on everyone and everyone loving on me! 

i was kind of worried about that tbh because i was wearing one of those douchey ridiculously large arm-hole tshirts and my scars were pretty visible,,,, but like everyone was really cool about them like i got some compliments actually haha mostly they were just like “aw im so happy for u/proud of u” but one of my older bros (who happens to also be a bass!!) said smth like “yo those are really cool thats so hardcore!” which pleasantly surprised me because he’s a very aloof and sarcastic kind of person, so getting something genuine was really neat. and so much good happened that night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was great!!!!!!!!!! but also like. ugh. i guess more context needed. 

in my pledge class of 7 only 2 of us were virgins and im one of them. like ive literally never had any Sexual experience, and it was always because i was never comfortable enough with my own body due to dysphoria. even when u get past that my high school was fucking tiny so who was going to love my fat trans ass 8^) and my pbro’s situation was a little different, but he’s gay and his high school was similar so he never had the option to explore anything either. and we were like. together on that u know? i had kind of accepted that it wasnt realistic for me to want things like that, and while that realization hurt, i knew that i had someone in the same boat. but then he goes and loses his virginity!!!!! and this is where i get MESSY LMAO IM NOT READY FOR THIS BUT HERE GOES

first of all i want to say that i am 100% happy for him because he’s my friend i will support him until the end of time and he told us it was important for him finally being able to celebrate himself and grow up and operate with sexual/personal autonomy and live his own DAMN LIFE and im so so SO proud of him for that!! and i HATE myself so FUCKING MUCH for being selfish and feeling this way and taking something so important to someone i love and making it about myself, but. now its like im left behind. i hate this feeling so fucking much i hate being left behind/forgotten about/ignored/excluded from anything and everything. and now this is something that everyone has gone through but me. and it fucking sucks even more because i know the main reason that i havent done this is because im trans!!!! like i didnt ask to be this way!!!!!!!! trust me! its so fucking difficult!!!!!!!! i hate being different sometimes, i literally just want to be like everyone else, i want to be fucking normal for once. like i know that ‘normal’ doesn’t actually exist but im tired of having to struggle through things that other people dont. and ive really just been dwelling on this and extrapolating like “welp no one will ever wanna hook up with me or date me or love me and im gonna die alone like the piece of shit i am” and it’s just opened up soooooo many Bad Feels that i either havent thought about before or did a really good job at repressing! literally just shitty Dysphoria garbage!!! 

and now its like. “ok well u dont want to be a virgin anymore then go out and have sex” WELP it doesnt really work that way!!! i’m very masculine in appearance (or at least i try to be) and the people who are attracted to me expect me to be a Cis Male, because unfortunately we assume everyone is cis until proven otherwise. bottom line is theyre gonna expect me to have a dick! but i dont! what happens when im into someone and theyre not aware of this fact? what if we Get Going and start Doing the Do but theyre like EW GROSS DIE??????? i just keep thinking about this!!!!!!!!! its in my head and i cant get it out!!!!!!!!!! like i Did Not go to bed on sunday night because i just keep dwelling!!!! i went to therapy on tuesday and told all this to my psychologist and usually that gets it out of my system but no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she’s usually really helpful because she approaches things logically rather than emotionally but that didnt work in this case i guess!!

i told my pbros about some of these feelings and they said the shit your friends are supposed to say to make u feel better and it was reassuring that they loved me at the time but like. i guess it didnt stick lol because im still convinced that im unlovable even though mccoy sat on my lap half the night and david let me casually touch him (he does not like physicality so that was kind of a Bigger deal) and ben laid on top of us and we were all so tender but i literally cant translate that into permanence i guess!!!!! but also bad things happened at meeting that kind of validated my fears bc me n a few bros were talking, i think it was me and a gay guy and a girl who thought she was straight but shes questioning if shes bi and i cant remember who else because i was Turnt but these two were like the main source of conversation. the guy was like “im definitely gay like i know i dont like girls because vaginas are just gross” and the girl was like “yeah i dont know, im attracted to hot girls but idk if i could ever fuck w/ a girl because ew vagina” LIKE im.... ... standing............ right .... here...................... and i said something! like “thats transphobic not everyone w a vagina is a girl” and i cant remember exactly but they totally like. brushed me off. i initially have all of these doubts, then my bros are like “yooo that’s irrational, everyone loves u” which makes me feel better and kind of makes the doubts get less awful BUT THEN this happens and we’re back to square one SO.

it doesnt help that i fucking started my period on monday. i havent had it in over a year. but i had to skip a dose of T before my surgery and my ADHD ass forgets everything so i ended up skipping like 3 so apparently this is what happens when you stop taking it :) im really hoping that this is the reason im so emo about everything right now UGH.

all of these feelings are just taking such a toll on me its like im weighed down,,, i was supposed to do some studying today and take some notes but instead i stayed in bed and played games on my phone lol!!!!!! i didnt even do anything fun!!!!!!!!!! and now im alone on a friday night doing NOTHING just like i did fucking NOTHING all day today!!

what sucks about this is that im alone because i feel sad.... but being alone makes me feel even MORE sad........... like im happy when im with my friends, im happy when im with my brothers, im happy when im at the house! but for some reason i cant just text a bro at random whenever im feeling down. like if i did, i know that no matter who it was theyd give me the support i need/the support id get at the house with everyone there. but i cant make that move, i cant take that risk, because i must Avoid.... like i know talking to ppl and being around them makes me happier, and i know if i did gather the ‘courage’ or w/e to do that then the odds of getting a positive response would be 99% but i just. Cannot initiate. because that 1% chance of rejection is just too much. im terrified of it. even if i did take that chance i dont even know what i’d say??? “hey lol im kinda craving death because im a worthless abomination haha wyd” ????? im still not comfortable w talking about being trans. like i am a bit but only with certain people. definitely not with the brotherhood. maybe my big? but she just got a new girlfriend so i dont want to bother her. honestly i dont want to bother anybody!!!!!!!!!! which is Wrong because i tell ppl all the time that their emotions are valid and theyre not bothering people who care but HERE WE FUCKING ARE KIDS!

ok i think im done now i just. really had to get that out. replies and likes and asks are welcome but the other thing is not allowed. the thing with two arrows that kind of go in a circle. none of that.

#trumpet hate #personal #wow this was..... so much.......... #literally no one is gonna read this but it was mostly for me anyways so [shrug emoji] #caps / #negative / #self hate / #transphobia / #cissexism / #menstruation mention // #the experience #ask to tag