#and now i’ll never find a job

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

unpopular opinion maybe, but personally I think it is WAY past time for the Super Tight Butt Jeans thing to fade into obscurity.

#let’s just… let that one go now ok?? #you’ve got one skin. it’s not your jeans. let it do it’s job and let your jeans do their own different job. #let us girls with actual hips have a chance at wearing jeans without having to constantly feel like an 80s comic book character #drawn by a male artist for their overgrown fanboys who’ve never talked to a real actual human girl in their lives #sorry if this sounds bitter but like. I just think it’s kinda stupid?? how tight all the women’s jeans are rn???? #mom jeans are supposed to be the counter to this trend #and yet!! there’s Old Navy over there with their ‘’’’mom jeans’’’’ that have a super snug butt. like??! #could you miss the point any MORE???? #(anyway can anyone tell I’ve been trying to find clothes for summer and looking ahead to things I’ll need for college lately lollll :’) #gurt says stuff #womens fashion #fashion #vent post #ok to rb

[deus-ex-mona]

“a sicks’ dream come true; coming soon to fanfic channels near you”

#presenting my cursed sleep-deprived brainworm of the day: nagisa gets sold to ft4 for uni fees #or well. more like they’re looking for a live-in assistant dude. thing. or sth. idk #and papa shiranami just sells his son off bc ‘hey it’s literal free real estate!!! plus he’s gonna get paid for the entire deal so why not?’ #nagisa initially pitches a fit at his dad a la gamushara yelling scene bc ‘dad!!!!!! how could you just sell me off to some strangers?!!!!’ #‘shhhh son; think of the free housing. in ✨t o k y o✨. stuff’s expensive there yk’ ‘but still!!!!!’ #so nagi sulkily packs his bags and heads out; trying to motivate himself with thoughts of ‘hey at least i’ll get to see hiyori more often’ #then he arrives at the train station and sees our favourite 5-man non-idol gang… and promptly passes out #when he comes to… poor guy finds himself right smack in the middle of a hugeass canopy bed #with dai sitting smugly by the side like ‘the great me carried you back mans. you’re welcome ;)’ with a tip of his cool fedora #and that’s when nagi realises that 1) it’s not a dream and that he actually has to live with his oshis now. and 2) damnnnn this bed is soft #cohabitation shenanigans happen. as they would seeing as the entire gang + rio’s niece live together in this oddly huge megu-owned penthouse #plus free bi-weekly vacations to megu’s family villa bc they can never spend a waking moment without each other #and nagi finds it strange that the group is oddly accomodating of his uni schedule when it concerns his job tasks and such… #or that they collab with lxl (hi hiyori!!!) way more than they should typically be… #but he brushes it off when rio asks him to cook with him or sth idk i mean how often do you get to cook with your oshi???? #and idk eventually the jig is up and it’s revealed that hiyori was the one who was accidentally behind the whole thing #like a ‘sorry nagisa i told uchida that you’d be moving here too but lxl were there the entire time and they went and got ft4 to buy you’ #or something kinda thing. idk. bc everything has to be lxl’s fault; even when they’re just lurking in the bg #i’m def gonna regret this later lmao. it’s almost 2.30 in the am; i have not written in months; and i’ve never read a sold to 1.d. fic ev er #this is the kind of cosmic horror that only sleep-deprived brains can cook up ig…….. oh wells #it is suiyoubi my dudes #the dude from gamushara

[victory-cookies]

trying to branch out! trying to connect with others! I am not scared!

#just dmed a coworker bc he posted on his insta story about wanting to play dnd but never having a dm #and so he was like ‘bro if someone wants to rn a campaign Sunday or Monday evening?’ #and I was like no way in hell could I dm bc I have not played nearly enough #but like. he’s really chill and like. if he needs other players??? #idk I feel bad bc I wasn’t like. dming him to offer to dm (direct messaging as the former dungeon master as the latter. for clarification) #but also if he’s trying to get a group together? I’m free those days we’re close in age and share some interests #and we get along well at work #so like I feel like I wouldn’t stand out too much in a group of people he knows #he’s gay and trans too so like. you know the group would be queer #maybe I’ll try to convince him to start a work campaign. maybe someone on staff would want to dm #I wish I wasn’t so busy and such a stressed person and had more experience #bc if I felt like I could dm and could really do a good job of it I would offer! #but I just don’t think I would #idk now I’m just rambling #I feel stressed but I also don’t do anything besides school and work so I need to find smth to do

[pissjesus]

Repeating the mantra “for every ‘it’s so over’ there is an equal ‘we’re so back’” every time it’s 1am and I finish a drawing and lament that I’m deeply uninspired and I’m losing the one thing I’ve always enjoyed. When inevitably a few days later I’ll come up with something. Repeat cycle

#combination of realizing I have no idea what to get/make *anyone* for Christmas #knowing I will have no money by the end of the month cuz my jobs are fake and I don’t get pto #and the ever increasing realization I am mad at a lot of things #I miss having constant ideas and being inspired by everything. now I’m just like god damnit I have to find something to gnaw on #to distract from the Sisyphusian boredom of making money just to buy groceries and pay rent and barely have fun #or I started my period and it’s 1am and I’ll feel like I’ve never had a problem in my life in 2 days

[yuribalisms]

Essentially what it is all boiling down to is I have fully realized I am bad at being a person, that will always be true, and I don’t know how to handle that

#I’m going to be depressing and self depreciating in the tags so. fair warning to anyone who reads them #I’ve known for a while now that I don’t know what to do with my life. I’ve thought of a few ideas but none of them seem to be working. and I #think a good chunk of what it’s boiling down to is that I am quite literally just stupid when it comes to an actual useful real life skills. #and it’s frustrating because I can’t even talk to ppl I know and confide in them that I feel dumb and stupid without them being like ‘nooooo #don’t say that! you’re not stupid! you were top of your class in hs!’ (that is their favorite thing to fall back on) but like. the thing is #I wasn’t even smart in hs. sure I did good but that’s because I cheated my way through and got lucky a lot. I never actually learned anythin #I never understood what I was being taught or how to apply it. I was good at English and art classes and that was it those were the only one #I truly felt I knew what I was doing in and grasped the subject matter well. I know I’m good at those two things and smart when it comes to #those subjects. but the thing is. in real life. both of those are useless skills. I can’t make money with them and it is highly unlikely #that will ever change. and yes I know not being able to make money with it doesn’t mean it’s useless but like it kinda does. capitalism #sucks. I know that. we all do. but that doesn’t change that we live in a capitalist society and it’s unlikely to actual change in my lifetim #so I’m stuck to try and figure out how to live in it. but I have no skills I can make money with so I will live my entire life poor and #miserable and working dead end jobs that make me want to kill myself. I’m not good at socialization I’m so fucking bad at it so I can’t work #any kind of job that hinges on networking or sales or human interaction which is MOST JOBS but I’m also too stupid for anything related to #STEM. I tried two different stem degrees and flunked out of both of them because I am a FUCKING IDIOT and I know there’s no point in trying #to go back to school for another one. but no degree in anything I naturally have a knack for will help me find a decent well paying job. ill #just be wasting my money to go to school for something like that. and then like. I don’t even think I’ll ever get married and I def won’t #ever have kids. so I can’t even put any hopeful stock in just being happy with a family one day. I know a lot of ppl who don’t like their #careers but they’re fine with that because they’re happy with their family but like I don’t even have that and I won’t ever have that. I #have NOTHING to strive for and NOTHING I am good at that’s meaningful I’m going to fail at having a career and a family and I know that #doesn’t mean I won’t be happy in theory but by societal standards I am and always will be a fucking failure of a person and since I do live #in this society yeah. it’s kinda fucking true. and I don’t know what to do about that. I’m just tired. I’m tired of being afraid and #struggling and going through patches of wanting to kill myself because of this because like what’s the point. I’ll never have anything #better so what in the actual hell is the point of me existing. and I know I’m being ridiculous and my brain is eating itself and none of #this is probably even true but that doesn’t change that it FEELS like it is a lot of times and esp right now and I don’t know what to do #to anyone who reads this I’ll be fine tbh prob as soon as tomorrow like dw about it I just need to get it out so I stop stewing in it. #I’m just. yeah. not having a great time rn but I left work so I’m gonna cry and then maybe sleep for a bit and hope that helps #kaz rambles

[yellobb]

So uhhhhhh if you were me a week ago, and you were packing your antidepressants, where would you put them? 😅 it’s been a few days since I ran out and I don’t have the energy to keep unpacking to find the refill I’d already picked up. My bins are as follows: miscellaneous, miscellaneous + desk stuff, and miscellaneous

#m rambles #so glad I know how to organize #I feel like total shit right now #and I really hate myself #because I’m a selfish bitch who doesn’t put forth any effort #and I’m a burden to everyone around me #and I’ll never hold down a job because I’m a lazy pos with an avoidance complex #it’s funny how medication helps when you actually take it huh #so it would be awesome if I could FUCKING FIND IT

[arthur-r]

need to poll my friends, does anybody drink black coffee like just coffee from inside of a coffee pot and you don’t put anything in it?

#haven’t tried black coffee since i was like ten and i hated it then and now i have mixed feelings #the biggest problem was that it is way too warm i am all burnt up now #that’s what milk is for really is just to drown out the heat turn it into a regular temperature beverage #anyway it tastes well enough and i guess the point of black coffee is it gets the job done #that being said caffeine usually makes me feel unwell so don’t ask me why i went for it today #pro tip if you don’t want to aggravate somebody’s heart problems don’t pour coffee near them when they’re sleeping #(‘‘sleeping’’ what i mean is eyes closed head on desk still perceiving things. not strong enough to wake me up from a dream or anything) #anyway if you pour coffee near me and i’m currently tired out of my mind i’m gonna ask to have some there’s no way around it #so um not my fault i was aided and abetted and i play no role in my own destruction #anyway i’m also feeling entirely fine shdhdf i’m nearly convinced it’s been a chocolate allergy this whole time #and if i stop drinking mochas then i’ll stop reacting cause it’s not the caffeine that’s the problem. we’ll find out soon #anyway who drinks this. do my friends drink this?? do my friends have tips on how to drink this #for example how do you make it not be warm but also not be filled up with milk #do you just blow on it. like an old man in a fable about a satyr who thinks humans are the strangest creatures #the taste is kind of epic honestly like it’s not good but it’s kind of good #at the very least it makes me feel like an old academic #anyway hi it’s senior skip day and i’m playing the system by showing up at the school building and skipping from here #shdhdf i’m gonna go to class from here on out though. just had to skip physics cause i never did the essay and i’m afraid of confrontation #that’s also not my fault because who assigns an essay in physics class???? i dont know this stuff well enough to write about it?? #although of course that’s the point of assigning an essay is to see if we know everything well enough to write about it shdhdf #so anyway i’m here to ask my friends who drink black coffee (if there are any) what do you do to help it cross the line to just being good? #cause right now it’s like good in several ways but it’s too warm and it tastes a little bit silly. i need pro tips for college #cause honestly i love the taste of coffee and like i said the chocolate might be the problem so i’m turning away from mochas #probably they’re both a problem. but let’s say i start drinking decaf black coffee. what do i do to make it incredible. please and thanks #shdhdf mostly i’m just checking in though. how is everybody? i really hope you are doing well!!!! #i’ll be around for a bit then heading to humanities class eventually i can’t skip on the teacher who invited me to her book club #also like. lunch. and like i said i have integrity now. gonna go to the rest of my classes #but so anyway i hope everybody is doing well!!!! let me know if you need anything!! listen to corrections by poolboy if you feel like it!! #me. my post. mine. #alright this is my last tag but i’ll be around. hope you are well and let me know!!

[fuckrealityfictionisbetter]

I wish I was a tv executive so I could make a British Criminal minds - mainly just so I could make a televised fan fic without people being mad it’s just a televised fan fic

#criminal minds #for starters reid would keep all his background but he actually has a drug problem for more then 5 eps and we see him struggling at crime #scenes that involve drugs #move up the dating his therapist but make it so people in his life are actually concerned that he’s dating his therapist when they find out! #either make it the same but he tries to help her or make is so she never dumped her Fiancé and he kidnaps abs kills her for the affair #move prison to like s7 and have it planned by scratch but when cat finds out she orchestrates it so that some of the womens prison has #to be moved to a unused wing of the mens and makes a riot so that her and spencer meet up and she gets actual preggas #I do want him to date a women who also has a kid from a serial killer yes I want that to be Ainsley from prodigal son but I’ll his that rip #off #next to Morgan my love #have him show more emotions in child related cases #he’s a player who falls in love with a women even though he’s not ready for commitment and when he finally gets his shit together it’s too #late/the job/timing just made them incompatible for rn #thinking a Buck 911 growth kinda thing though I know dereks nothing like buck1.0 #keep a similar SL to the one with that little girl but make her not so… defo gonna grow up to be an unsub u know #he feels he needs to protect the kid maybe they went through something like he did but he knows to save them he needs to let them go to a #good home because he’s on the road so much but he still visits and the kid wants to be an FBI agent because of him #Emily is a Lesbian so help me god #she adopts a little girl with her wife!!!! #she is happy and doesn’t have relationship drama just oops so I have to fake my own death now drama #more practicality added to that SL as well no grenades in cars #and more visits from the other agents she knows from previous jobs #I think hotch having more too do with his own divorce would be good #like it kinda seemed like it had nothing to do with him and it was just a work problem but like idk I’d probabs change that #I like everyone else’s story’s basically just a little change her and there #I wouldn’t wanna make it just a character drama these SL’s are already in the show or would replace others #like the ooo reid had a ✨vision✨ SL will go #oh wait I want reid to be a women #2 Reid’s!!! #or if double lesbian related pregnancy is viable by this poin 1 reid!

[pepprs]

literally the only reason i am not in as bad a mental health place as i was in in december is bc i’m done w school now and i never have to go back or deal with being a student again if i don’t want to and also bc i know there is a high likelihood that there are some big important helpful highly desired changes on my horizon in the next few months and years. but i am really not doing good right now

#purrs #scotus leaked draft + buffalo shooting + dallas shooting + uvalde shooting + monkeypox + covid cases rising + losing my last 3 weeks of #college and graduation + losing my freedom for who knows how long and moving back home + friends and family getting covid + pushing myself #to the limit finishing my capstone + watching my loved ones suffer with the situations in their own lives = is it ethical to bring children #into this world is it reasonable to think that i will one day live with autonomy again and find a romantic partner and have a pet and enjoy #my life and see all the people i love doing the same. all ive been able to do this week outside of finishing school my job application etc #is doomscroll about the shootings and covid and monkeypox when i really should be doomscrollimg through my fucking save tag that i curated #specifically to counteract these situations and give me reasons to find hope but i don’t have the strength or see the point bc im only gonn #lose the hope again. but i know there’s a point but i can’t get myself to see it and maybe it’s bc km just so exhausted but idk. and one of #the WORST parts of this is that if the job works out i am going to have to understand that people will look at me differently part of which #means that people — STUDENTS like i just was 2 days ago!!! — will look to me expecting that i have answers or at the very least hope and i #literally do not have hope right now and after national events this month i don’t know if i’ll ever feel hope again. so it’s like fuck i #wont be able to do my fucking job that i feel called to do and want to do more than anything lol. but i already won’t be able to do it bc t #the chances that i can go to [insert convferwrnce] when it involves being on a plane and navigating people who won’t wear masks are so low #and * already snarked about it to me yesterday which really hurt my feelings like i don’t think she was trying to be mean but it’s like yes #the fuck i can hide in the van forever i do NOT want to get covid. but i also do not want to miss [conference] and it’s just so stupid that #im going to have to keep making these choices because this nightmare country has decided covid doesn’t exist anymore. idk lol #i know everything in my life could be a lot worse and also that it is objectively WORLDS better than it was very recently bc i graduated an #im done now. but this month has sucked so unbelievably bad and June is also going to be hard and im just scared i will never be happy or #hopeful again or that every time i am something new will knock it down (which is a given living in the usa lol) and that it would be #unethical to try to do the BASIC bare minimum things i have always wanted to do in my life. lole #negative tw #ask to tag #abortion tw #shooting tw #mass shooting tw #monkeypox tw

[pollen]

i can’t wait to be settled. to have all of the questions dominating my life answered. it really could be taken care of so soon and i have to believe that it will be. i have the promise of my family, the promise of the love of my life, and the promise of my own work ethic, experience, and intellect and it’ll turn out just fine!!! it will!

#i gotta find a new job i can’t work at this agency anymore they’re awful to me omg #but i wanna stick it out for a full year yknow. in december i can get a new job #for now i’m just thinking of my resume :| god i’m so sad i can’t use any of my content or brand work in my portfolio i’ve done some really #stellar stuff that i can’t take credit for #i’m so so proud of the work i did for one brand in particular that i’ll just never get to claim 😔

[insomnia-productions]

.

#not to dot post but #why is that. at any given moment. almost all of the time. my mind is actively searching for reasons to hate myself #im not sure how long it’s been like this but. long. #i’ll go over the same things over and over again. thought spirals that i have memorized by now #and the second one starts to recede i will find another - new or old - to take its place #why do i hate myself so much? why do i seek out reasons to hate myself? why can i never stop my mind from doing it? #im so tired of having spirals. or else spending huge amounts of energy trying to avoid or preempt them #i thought i was getting better #there was like a month this semester. month and a half maybe. i was doing okay #but if i trace it back to at least my earliest memory of this - in the grand scheme of things it’s only getting worse #im worse #i can’t even tell if im being irrational or if i really should hate myself #part of me wants to go to therapy. although i can’t yet - not until September. i don’t have time this summer for it #but then most of me thinks i have no valid reason to go #not to be all ‘i dont deserve to go to therapy’ but like. literally. i don’t. #so now it’s midnight the night before i start my internship. my first paid job #and im still awake. down another thought spiral because i so stupidly decided not to put on my usual distraction video essays #to fall asleep to #and naturally i immediately managed to descend into an hour long spiral #so too late to use my distractions now. #gotta be up at 6:30 and im willing to bet my actual limbs that i won’t fall asleep before 2

[songsonlyweknow]

.

#i’ve been so gone lately but i put my resignation in yesterday and now my whole team knows and i feel like so much weight has been lifted #like my mental health has been absolute Trash since august bc of this job #(bc of the company/work not the people i’ll miss them) #and to know i have 3 weeks and i’m free? liberating as hell #not everything is like perfect or anything (moving back in with my parents until i find a new job) but like i was actually worried i wasn’t #going to be making it to 27 so cheers babes here’s to ✨ doing it scared so we can do it alive ✨ #anyway super glad my lease ends at the beginning of april and i get to go back to ohio (midwestern ass sentence) #just kinda word vomitting here but yeah never thought my parents would be proud of me for quitting a job

[linuxealcipher]

My family stop making life hard impossible challenge

#hugeggggggggggg I will never have a place to go where I’m not being pushied or charged money #I mean yeah sure paying rent is understandable but they are still making life awful #I work for my stepmom and I feel like if I try to find another job they will raise my rent #not only that they are trying to get me to take out a lone in my name so they can buy stuff. I’m spineless and have to get my friends #to convince me not to #god I just want out #I want to not be living in an abusive environment for once. I know I’ll be free soon enough #but it feels like it’s so far away and I’m not sure if I’ll be completely ok until then. #god and the fucking eye of Sauron that is my boss watching and criticizing everyone’s moves at work #I will never be enough for my family #they are just going to keep pushishing me for not being perfect #I want out. I want out now #tw vent #personal vent #vent #god i’m so tired #the only thing keeping me going is knowing I’ll be able to move out latter this ear #year.

[yoohyeontual]

Saw that the Tumblr icon on my iPad changed so I went to see what’s up and WE FINALLY CAN REPLY WITH THE BLOG WE WANT !!! THANK YOU !!! Now staff make it so when you block someone it’s block on all sb too thanks I’m tired of blocking 3 times

#I’m tired of forgetting to add this is blah blah main when someone somment something on my sideblog 😭 #my phone is sadly too full for the update but at least my iPad is ! I’ll answer on it when someone comment ckdnjdnd #now I’m leaving again ! #oh I should update that my mom recognized she fucked up (will she learn a lesson though? only time we’ll tell us) #so she apologize my dad didn’t care but he went to get her at work today and they’ve been talking like nothing happen #since they had to go grocery shopping cause the fridge was empty #idk if they talked or they just decided it was better to not say anything and fight again #so I’m happy again don’t wanna d*e anymore until I look for job at least fkdndjdn #which is what I should do but I’m ignoring my problems reading ncjdndjnd #i waited at least today see if my parents were still on the verge of divorcing or not and they seem okay so I guess i’ll check 🙄 #pray that I found something nice 😭 #I’m tempted to find something that maybe I could work 4 days a week and not 5 but I’ll never find that #cause honestly I only pay for my phone and Sowon food + litter (and vet if needed) I don’t need that much #I did promise them I would pay for Puppy’s pills if I work though cause it’s like 200$ maybe less maybe more even I can’t remember a month #my mom is struggling bad since he got those pills it’s a lot for her small salary #I’m so lucky that my parents let me be even if they struggle but I feel so bad I need to get diagnose soon cause I’m difinetely anxious #and it’s ruining my life #also had to get check for ADHD and Autism words from my doctor for the ladder I’m personally not sure ? everyone tells me no #but those people knows nothing about autism they only person that says there’s ‘’high chance’ #is bestie and she study in psychology a little for her field so I trust her judgement way more ! but maybe it’s just a mix of the other 2 #that make it seem like I may who knows one day we’ll have the answers #okay I’m talking to much now I’ll go don’t know if I’ll come back soon but at least I wanted to tell you I felt better ! #we are back at the normal worries only 🤪 #alex.txt

[dandan-theberserker]

.

#The thing that scares me about how important networking apparently is to finding a job is that it’s so easy to fuck up #I’m just so scared I’ll accidentally commit some social faux pas #or accidentally seem like an asshole #and fuck up my chances forever #Like how fucked up is that???? #People talk and I don’t wanna be memorable for the wrong reason #I don’t want to mess up #So it scares me into not doing anything #I tried participating at an event today and I just never got called on even though I was right in front of the speaker #in the lecture hall it was a classroom setting #And one other person got called on thrice #Like???? #I’ve participated twice during the course did I piss them off??? #Was I annoying???? #I haven’t cared about being annoying since high school what is this #I can’t ruin my chances now pls not now #I’ve done so much #I’ve gotten this far #I don’t know what I’m doing wrong

[cetoddle]

i think if i get this job i’m gonna treat myself to a new figure the question is just which one

#u can never go wrong with more mikus #but i’ll do a little browsing this weekend #watch i find one i wanna get and end up not getting the job 💀 #whatever #i’ve wanted to get another one and continue my collection for a while now but i’ve been holding off since i don’t have an income rn #snow.txt