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#and now i'm getting ready to post it

(coughs)

#flick ticks, #i also wanna apologize for how angry i sounded w/ that first post lmao. i was definitely heated bc i was very ready to defend myself but, #now i'm calmed down & i realize that my attitude in that post was unsavory, #(i'm a lil proud of myself for acknowledging that what i said there kinda sucked bc i know that shit's been hard in the past lmao), #i'm getting better about controlling my emotions.......for the most part, #i do sometimes get R E A L L Y overwhelmed with negative emotions (see: how my brain was overloaded the other day with negative thoughts-, #(- so many that it gave me an actual headache) and i think? that's what fucks me over a lot is that i get rly overwhelmed by myself, #and i spiral. but i'm working on it!! i'll get there one day, #i also think again that it's how i grew up being attention-starved that i'm so desperate for attention that i'll do anything i can to get i, #see: me throwing tantrums when i feel ignored/unloved. is that behavior ok in the slightest? no! all i'm saying is there's explanations, #behind everything, #said it before & i'll say it again: everything i did to you was very shitty. but i don't think there was ever a time where i did it fully, #conscious if that makes sense? like. i would get so overwhelmed by everything happening in my head that i'd spiral and just. crumble, #i wouldn't be there 100% to calm myself down-- THATS ANOTHER THING- i never learned how to self soothe!! i should work on that actually-, #i'll try out some of my skills when i'm feeling ok to get a feel for them one of these days lmao. i'll actually utilize my skills!! anyways, #i am a work in progress. i'm still learning what's right and what's wrong. i'm going to fuck up sometimes but that doesn't make me a failur, #i just need to be ok w/ the fact that none of this shit is gonna happen overnight (no matter how badly i'd like it to lmao), #and i just gotta keep trying. i gotta keep fighting. and i will, #we'll see if this is the last one i post for today lmao. it probably is but we'll see dngjdbgks, #edit: once again this isn't me trying to have some 'holier than thou' attitude this is 100% what i think is the right thing to say lmao
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how’m i doing? oh, you know! dreading how deep fall and winter creep closer every day, which means itchy scalp and dry hands (when i’m nearly out of cream!) that i will almost inevitably decide “hm, let’s see how long it takes for them to get cracked and bloody and horrible” and subject myself to That, plus itchy eyelids and probably possibly neck too, not to mention chilly air that screws with my asthma or the fact that i despise being cold and winter is - surprise! - rife with frigid temperatures, or the fact that almost certainly one of the main things that will get me through these terrible months is the fact that they won’t last :)

but y’know. can’t think too hard on that or i’ll cry :)

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@mysteriousshopkeeper​ said:

I’m fairly certain Aizen cannot lie to the Hōgyoku. But enquiring minds want to know: can he lie to Kyōka Suigetsu? (It is my suspicion that he can, and does…)

[ Short answer: Yes, Aizen can lie to Kyōka Suigetsu.

The long answer is going to involve my own takes on the nature of Kyōka Suigetsu as well as her relationship with Aizen, so buckle up for the lengthy meta ahead~! 

(Also, please keep in mind that Kyōka Suigetsu shall be referred to using both she/her and it. She/her will be used when referring to the zanpakutō spirit while it will be used when talking about the blade itself.)

Before I get started, I’d like to put this quote from Aizen into focus, because it touches heavily on the rest of this post:

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Here we see Aizen’s take on essentially what it means to lie as well as what it means to be lied to. He does not separate truths and lies nor does he label information based upon perceived deception as an alternative form of communication that does not deserve to be considered, because he rationalizes it all as being simple facts that can be distorted in their interpretation, which he decides is the natural way of communication. 

This stems from his understanding that the world, or what is perceived of it, is based upon the different perspectives of others, who prefer to live by picking and choosing what’s convenient for them and taking them to be the truth. That reasoning, in turn, stems from his isolation, which prevents him from being properly interpreted and understood by others because the power that is woven into his existence makes others find him to be “inconvenient”, to say the least. When he says this quote, he is alluding to himself and how he feels his truth, as in the person he is at his core, was never understood despite it being true to him, thus leading to this perspective of his as well as his disconnect from others.

Instead of separating truths and lies, Aizen separates the real world and the perception of the world from one another, while believing that his perception of the world is the real world and not an illusion of it. However, note that he says “all beings who exist in this world” — he’s including himself and Kyōka Suigetsu.

For Aizen to lie to Kyōka Suigetsu, it would be just another natural exchange of communication to him. This is because, not only has he presented to her a piece of information that he believes is more convenient for her own self-affirmation, she has decided herself to take the information given to her and deem it to be true. 

However, you may be asking: What can Aizen lie to Kyōka Suigetsu about when they inhabit the same soul and thus undergo the same experiences? 

This goes back to the idea of the world being what is perceived instead of what it really is. While they simultaneously receive the exact same input, they do not interpret it the same because of their drastically separate perspectives and disconnect from one another. 

An example of this would be their viewpoints regarding the Hōgyoku. While Aizen views the Hōgyoku as a means of furthering his own ambition and existence, Kyōka Suigetsu sees the Hōgyoku as a threat to her own existence. They are both taking for themselves the truth that they find most convenient to them, while deciding not to acknowledge the other’s truth. The lying in question is both a refusal to accept the other’s perspective as well as an attempt to manipulate their own perception, very much like how Kyōka Suigetsu’s illusionary abilities work. 

Hence, Aizen can lie to Kyōka Suigetsu, just as Kyōka Suigetsu lies to Aizen. However, because they are both skeptical and selective in their natures when it comes to accepting and not just acknowledging the truths of another being, efforts they make to connect with one another oftentimes results in miscommunication and thus lying, if that makes sense. 

Example: Aizen can lie to Kyōka Suigetsu and say that the Hogyoku will benefit the both of them, and Kyōka Suigetsu will refuse it, even if it is true to Aizen. Similarly, Aizen can lie to Kyōka Suigetsu by saying that he’s fond of her and her power, and Kyōka Suigetsu will accept it, even if it is not true to Aizen.

I equate their relationship as being very abnormal in that it is a strained power struggle between wielder and zanpakutō instead of them working together as they should, which ultimately results in the feeling of isolation being felt by not only Aizen but by Kyōka Suigetsu as well. Both are impacted by it.

Of course, that prompts the question: How was Aizen able to achieve shikai and bankai if they did not work together like a traditional shinigami would work together with their zanpakutō?

Think about it: We’ve witnessed the relationship between Ichigo and Zangetsu, the drift that existed between them, and, despite that drift, Ichigo was able to, well, be Ichigo and transcend the boundaries of his existence. This parallels Aizen and Kyōka Suigetsu.

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During the final battle between Aizen and Ichigo, Ichigo says in the above panel that he was able to sense isolation coming from the blade of Kyōka Suigetsu, who is a raw reflection of Aizen. In his defeat, Aizen sees Kyōka Suigetsu crumble and takes it that the Hōgyoku has decided he does not need her anymore. 

From this perception that he develops from witnessing the Hōgyoku’s actions, we can see that Aizen either is: 

  1. A) unaware of the true extent of her powerful emotions of loneliness that were able to reach Zangetsu and thus Ichigo
  2. B) rejects it because it does not fit his truth of being a god when he has a zanpakutō spirit reflecting his suppressed emotions of loneliness
  3. C) Both.

Of course, the Hōgyoku picks up on that loneliness, the truth of it, and the desire it births, which is that Aizen condemns his own power because it makes the truth of him inconvenient to others and causes them to reject him when he wishes for understanding and acceptance. HOWEVER, Kyōka Suigetsu is part of his power. Imagine how she feels, having the truth and essence of her rejected by him and his truth despite her best attempts to serve him as a normal zanpakutō spirit.

Below is evidence of Aizen’s rejection of Kyōka Suigetsu.

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In this panel, we see a younger Aizen’s hand in close proximity with his zanpakutō. The initial interpretation of this is that he is reaching for it. However, when you apply the context of the speech bubbles surrounding it, doesn’t it seem like he is letting go of the blade? The depiction of Aizen physically relinquishing his zanpakutō represents how he condemns his power and wants to lose it, which serves to show the distance between him and Kyōka Suigetsu.

If this panel was too ambiguous, then the next panel on the following page should accurately convey that distance between them:

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Here we see a young Aizen standing alone and, while we do not see his hands wielding his zanpakutō and thus cannot confirm if he was reaching for it or letting it go, we do see the sheath of it by his side. However, this image is surrounded by Ichigo’s theory that Aizen was searching for someone who shared the same perspective and thus the same truths as him, and had given up on that endeavor, which causes him to reject his power and desire to be “a normal shinigami.”

The implication of this panel is that Aizen, despite having Kyōka Suigetsu at his side, still felt isolation. That indicates that Kyōka Suigetsu did not share the same perspectives as Aizen, resulting in both of them being isolated from one another despite sharing the same soul. They mutually do not comprehend and accept the perspectives and truths of the other and ultimately reject one another in that failure to understand. 

With that in mind, let’s move onto thisHow do Kyōka Suigetsu’s emotions regarding Aizen’s rejection manifest?

We learn more about the weaknesses of the blade of Kyōka Suigetsu in Bleach: Can’t Fear Your Own World as well as discover that it arguably has the most weaknesses out of all the zanpakutō. Here are the weaknesses that are the most relevant in regards to this conversation:

  1. Touching Kyōka Suigetsu before complete hypnosis is activated negates it.
  2. Using Kyōka Suigetsu drains your reiatsu immensely.
  3. Using Kyōka Suigetsu requires absolute concentration: The wielder MUST be aware at all times as to what the target is experiencing in the illusion for it to be perfect. Even the slightest slip can end the hypnosis.
  4. Kyōka Suigetsu cannot affect reiatsu sense. 

That prompts the question: Why is it so difficult for Aizen to use Kyōka Suigetsu’s shikai abilities? 

It goes back to the strained bond that the two possess. Because of the extent of the divide between them, it takes a physical and mental toll for Aizen to use his zanpakutō, evidenced by how doing so drains him and demands his entire focus. 

These weaknesses also explain how Kyōka Suigetsu is able to use her illusions on Aizen. Because of their psychological distance, he is not touching her despite sharing the same soul and is thus impacted by her complete hypnosis whenever she decides to activate it on him, even if he is aware that he is under the spell. In a similar vein, Aizen himself must experience the illusions he inflicts while he is subjecting his target to them in order to ensure the illusions do not shatter, thus further proving that he is very much susceptible to Kyōka Suigetsu’s abilities. 

However, in turn, it shows how Kyōka Suigetsu is unable to fully influence Aizen as well in terms of not being able to manipulate reiatsu sense, because they share the same soul and thus all that composes it, so she cannot manipulate his perception in that regard just as she cannot manipulate the essence of his soul. This also adds to the notion that Aizen has, as fitting to his character, a very isolated and egocentric zanpakutō — in that the abilities it has and its effects on others are heavily based on the relationship between Aizen and Kyōka Suigetsu themselves.

All these drawbacks with his shikai and yet we still ask why we’ve never seen his bankai. With all the prices Aizen must pay with just the shikai, could you imagine the toll of Kyōka Suigetsu’s bankai on him? 

Another thing to note: Ichigo, before accepting Zangetsu, was able to be physically hurt by him and thus affected by his power, as seen in Zangetsu’s first appearance. When undergoing training to learn the Final Getsuga Tensho prior to battling Aizen, Ichigo finally accepts Zangetsu as his power, so he is not harmed when stabbed by him in his inner world. 

Bearing that in mind, while also considering that Aizen is impacted by his own shikai even when simply using it, really puts into perspective just how inherently damaged his relationship with Kyōka Suigetsu is, doesn’t it?

With a bond like that, it’s no wonder Aizen is capable of lying to Kyōka Suigetsu.

SUMMARY: 

Aizen can lie to Kyōka Suigetsu, just as she can lie to him. 

However, because of their respective isolated and egocentric personalities and the strained relationship between the two of them that existed before, and was exacerbated because of, the Hōgyoku’s involvement due to Aizen’s subconscious rejection of his own power because it was a factor that contributed to his solitude, even attempts to tell the other the truth can be misinterpreted and misconstrued into lies.

This leads to the loneliness felt by both Aizen and Kyōka Suigetsu despite them having each other, Aizen’s perspective on individuals perceiving what is most convenient as the truth and what is inconvenient as lies, the heavy tolls of using Kyōka Suigetsu’s abilities on Aizen, and the manifestation of Kyōka Suigetsu’s abilities being in relation to her relationship with Aizen and Aizen himself. ]

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I’ve got a bunch of drafts trying to explain how Chuubo’s structures story arcs and how that plays into my Chowder’s Marvelous Wish-Granting Engine AU but I’ve decided that the best way is just to show you with Check Please! canon.

I decided to focus on the hockey part of the story for this example. You could construct something similar showing Bitty’s growth socially in relation to the team, and I might do that later!

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Admin:

I’m surprised that I have to say this.

There’s a tag on my posts, and that tag that means something is queued. I’ve done these in advance so that my account has things to post at random hours.

That tag for Belphies-corner is;

‘Sleeping: Don’t bother me’

And while we’re at it, since some of you don’t seem to understand that. It’s the same thing for my Beel acc @taco-beel and his tag is;

'Queue: In line at taco bell’

Maybe that tag is a bit more obvious. I am taking a break right now, work has been absolutely insane and I’ve been working 11-14 hour days. As someone who doesn’t typically work those kind of hours, I’m fucking exhusted.

Sometimes I get on Tumblr for a couple of minutes and throw some shit in there. I’m not obligated to respond to all messages / asks I receive.

You guys have got to remember that I’m a person too, not a demon as much as you’d like to believe.

If you’re that impatient or so obsessed with me that you can’t give me space, then please unfollow me.

Thanks.

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so like lowkey i’m working on a webcomic rn and every time i make even a tiny bit of progress on it i get this burst of “holy shit it’s happening i can’t believe this is real” and it’s blowing my mind how excited i am to get this finished and posted

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I tried to do some cosplay today, first Patton because I got really bored and I found a blue shirt and fake glasses, then I spent like, 2+ hours straight doing makeup for Janus, I think it turned out pretty good (especially considering I only used eyeshadow and I’m not good at makeup). I am also may be wearing a blazer and bowler hat hehheh (I also failed at tying a bowtie, but ignore that)

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