#and now im actually writing it and it's... so wild

[sparring-spirals]

There is a universe in which i was caught up properly on CR whenever what the fuck went down and Imogen verbally and definitively declared that- after everything leading up to this and the back and forth and indecision- that she'd be willing to take down her mom if need be. and i would have been deeply insufferable and writing 20+ separate meta posts and liveblog yelling posts and shitposts. This is not that universe so instead we will put this post here where i can have wildly uninformed (aka 20 eps behind) Emotions about it until someday i actually catch up.

(I know. i accidentally wrote potentially wildly off base/deeply out of date meta again. what can i say. i like shaking the concept of An Imogen (even if it is Outdated Imogen) in a jar. sorry.)

Because i was watching long enough, I think, to see Imogen in the throes of the hope for something better, to understand that Imogen was viewing her mom was a figure and an idea and an answer, that would make things easier. Her mom was- gone, so early. And so her mom, in her mind, was not a person she was an idea, and there was so much hinged on that! Dogged determination and anger at her father and a deep seated dislike of the powers in her hands and head even as they gave her a guilty rush. There were promises there that maybe no one else had made, but Imogen believed. Things built up. Expectations made. Lore crafted, even unconsciously, around someone who was, yes, important to Imogen, but more importantly: Missing. Gone. A blank slate to be filled in. A promise of an answer guide to open questions.

And then she meets her mom, and Liliana Temult goes from a figure to a person- with all the bells and whistles and rough edges. She meets her mom and her mom turns her away. Tells her to run. Tells her she should go. Tells her to leave.

And Imogen doesn't. In the same way she kept visiting libraries, keps asking, kept pushing for answers when it was just about her magic and her headaches and the voices. Imogen always, always wants to know. She keeps digging, she keeps trying, she reaches out, over and over and keeps trying to touch this figure in mist until she's real under her hands, and. Evidence piles up- of deeds gone wrong, blood on her hands, a figure standing next to Otohan (her friends bodies scattered, lifeless, around Otohan). She keeps reaching out, keeps trying, and is rebuffed, over and over. Things get worse and the skies get redder and magic goes dead and she's still- unsure, because what if there's a better reason, what if there's a better way, there has to be a reason, why. There has to be, right- maybe if- maybe. Maybe-

Its just like- a person as an idea. As a symbol. As a promise. One you build yourself up around and towards. One you talk about, not talk to.

And then the fog clears, and they are a human.

(And she's your mom, and she's not what you imagined. She's done you wrong. She's done your loved ones wrong. She's hurt you. She's hurt others. She's going to keep hurting you. She is going to keep hurting everyone. She is too far gone to reason with. She is not listening to you. She is flawed. She is. dangerous. She looks so much like you. You look just like her. You are so similar. You have always known you were similar. You always hoped. You.

Are not her. You are not hers. She is not yours. She is not who you thought she was. She was always someone else. So are you.)

Imogen walks through the bases pretending to be her mother. Liliana is a known face- a powerful one, a figure people fear. A well known silhouette. Imogen slips into the shadows of it, sometimes, when it serves her, but we know- she knows- its all an act. All a lie.

Liliana, after all, is alive, and well, making choices that she believes in and fighting for things with a dogged determination maybe only matched by her daughter.

Imogen knows this. I think. There's a part of her that maybe wishes that wasn't the case.

"There is no loyalty with this blood." And after all- only living people bleed.

#im so sorry for yet again writing deeply uninformed. idk if this counts as meta. its more me going 'hey if this IS whats happening. WILD.' #critical role #cr spoilers #c3e88 #imogen temult #spar speaks #liliana temult #this is REALLY just a word vomit based on gut assumptions from what i actually watched. my vague knowledge from posts ive seen. and now thi #im functionally playing connect the dots here which is. Not How Meta Should Be Written so take this more as fun speculation prose i guess?? #no one take this too srs its mostly so if/when i finally watch everything i can reference how off my assumptions were #this is def based off where things were around when the solstice happened bc thats when i was last mostly caught up #so the odds of me fully MISSING some important imogen dev and character things since then are. actually its not odds. its like.definitive. #but maybe this is true for at least early campaign imogen to ep 50 imogen #and it would be VERY cool if it actually applied to her now #i kept saying 50 eps but looking at my last liveblogs it might he closer to 20-30. ... still.

[corpsentry]

have you played the newest loz game?? your fics for the series are my favourite ever

so here's the deal. i bought totk the day it released. i got it. i started playing it but then we went on our long awaited planned it for 3 years 1 week vacation and less then 48 hours after i'd returned from that BAM, i was in australia. and what was there to do now? we played taiko, dog, so much taiko, we lived together, 3 college kids in an apartment with a balcony with a view of the city skyline. it was the craziest thing i'd ever done. i loved and cried and fought and learned and grew and got so mf good at taiko and learned that there was still more to do and cooked and cut onions and ate obscene amounts of yogurt and then when it was over it was already august and we were standing at the airport sobbing into each other's shirts not wanting to let go but eventually we did we got on our planes home and then, only then, did i find the space in my heart and schedule and hands to play totk. three weeks later, i was in america

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the real problem at the heart of this affair is that i still haven't found my motherfucking glider. where the fuck is it. i've combed the map north to south east to west i've found every goddamn character in the game but purah. purah you selfish selfish lady. where are you? where are you??????

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and so it was that they would not finish totk not for another several months not for possibly years. which is not to say that i don't want to, i miss writing fanfiction, i missed the drama and the scope of our ambitions and the burning need to write write write but i was also madly depressed and anxious and not doing well and that's where the writing came from, yknow dog? it existed because there was nothing else i could do. it saved my life. and now i am no longer in need of saving, now i've saved myself, i've been searching for years and years for the place where i can have my friends and lovers and stories and also have this. i still haven't found it. but i'll let you know when i do

#replies #it's a hard thing to juggle Life #you see. idk how the fuck people with jobs still hang out in fandom like that shit's wild to me #my farts are extra smelly today. i also go to one of those liberal arts schools where if you dont put in the work u actually do die #and i enjoy the work. and the taiko. god the taiko #guys i started playing taiko because of my ex and then i played more than her and got better and i love taiko so much #i want to do it for the rest of my life dude. that's where all my time went #instead of going home in the evening i go to the studio and we DON KON DOKO DON DOKONKO DOROTSUKU #and it's so good. i feel strong (will be stronger when i fix my health problems) and alive and good #and that's where the part of my heart i saved from writing fanfiction on the internet is right now i think #what can i say. it's fucking beautiful out here #im glad i wrote what i mustt admit is pretty damn good zelda fic. im glad im here right now #so it goes

[jabberwockprince]

since we're all having fun talking about theories and headcanons before the game drops. one thing that i do want for missing link, that is mostly wishful thinking on my part, is a reveal for kairi being a descendant of the player

this is based on their parallels of being shooting stars later found washed up on a beach from the new missing link trailer, plus that one moment from KH1 where kairi's grandma tells her about the age of the fairytales and nothing else lmfao

and i want that so badly because. it would be so fucking ironic and poetic to have kairi be a direct descendant of the one person that raised and cared so much for xehanort. the player, whose memories of ephemer and skuld and chirithy and everyone else influenced xehanort into starting his whole ass spiral and descent into darkness

only for her (and sora) to be the ones to get xehanort to stop in the end. ending a cycle of sorts. for her to be haunted by the memory of xehanort, the same way xehanort was "haunted" by the memory of the player's past life

PLUS. i want it to SPECIFICALLY recontextualize kairi's inheritance of the keyblade from BBS. because kairi's reason to wield a keyblade being nothing more than an "accident" feels like such a disservice to her AND aqua??

if they could recontextualize xehanort into whole new depths in dark road, i dont see why they couldn't reframe that moment as kairi reclaiming a dormant power, her own heritage that her bloodline forgot for centuries, since knowledge about keyblades and wielders began to fade out over time to the point where people who KNEW about them thought they were evil. makes sense that as the age of fairytales is left FORGOTTEN, no one can remember how to summon a keyblade, let alone the knowledge to create one from someone's heart. but having a strong heart (one of the requisites for bequeathing ceremonies) and being in direct contact with a keyblade, could just. help jog the memory a bit

and show that yeah. kairi deserves to wield a keyblade because she has a strong heart, and because this was her heritage that was taken away from her when the worlds began to drift away from each other and so on. not because of an accident

everytime chance, fate and destiny are brought up in the saga to explain why something. happened the way it did. it carries so much weight and so many events that led to That Point. but kairi's inheritance as of right now was just. yeah, an accident. no ceremony at all AND I JUST THINK SHE DESERVES RLLY COOL THINGS OKAY

#khml #DONT GET ME WRONG. THE THEORY AND HC ABOUT #RIKI BEING THE ONE COMING FROM A PRESTIGIOUS BLOODLINE OF POWERFUL WIELDERS #IS ALSO SUPER GOOD #BUT I THINK KAIRI DESERVES SMTH TOO OTHER THAN THE WRITING USING HER JUST TO ELEVATE SORA #their dynamics mean so much to me #some fucking guy named sora and his very cool anime protagonist best friends who actually think HES the coolest protagonist in the world #kairi being stubborn refusing to let go of sora. the same way the player is stubborn in refusing to let their friends die #to the point where they both can just cheat at death many times thanks to their connections with other people #since MOST ppl who came back to life in the saga. they do it by cheating time. or sheer force of will. but rarely thru. friendship and love #looks at luxu. some even refuse to die. kinda wild #YES im delusional #look at me in the fucking eyes right now #sora as a character who keeps being shattered. due to the pressure of his role. things he never asked for and keep happening to him #riki as a character who bends and breaks over and over. as punishment and rebellion. because he doesnt know where he fits in all of this #kairi as a character who keeps vanishing. who continues to have the places and people she loves taken away. and she keeps being left behind

[mywaywardcupcake]

So I have my ideas fairly settled on Pegasus, Ryou Bakura, and somewhat on Honda. I have how I want Keith to look but haven't settled on what role I want him in my au yet. So they will probably be next to be posted!

#wild west au #I havent drawn pegasus before so this should be fun #I really should probably actually write this au #but im having fun just designing them right now

[bmpmp3]

i do think its kinda funny when i see someone in the year of our lord 2024 talk about vocal synth music like its all gone downhill since like 2010 because like dont get me wrong i love a good niconicodouga-ass 2008 ass vocaloid joint BUT also like. the past couple years have had the most fascinatingly creative and expressive uses of vocal synthesizers ive ever heard in my life DJFSKHJDFS dont write it all off just yet!!

#usually i only see that from people who havent actually listened to any vsynth music from the past 15 years so i understand why they got to #that conclusion. and also usually theyre people who didnt listen to much vsynth music in the first place LOL they just dont know #but it is still a little funny. brother there are things beyond your wildest dreams if u just look #like some personal highlights: the stuff by rinri - particularly their use of the meika girlies #dont carry our memories away is LIFECHANGING the whispers. the spoken parts. the BELTS #plus the haunting and unrelenting instrumentation. fantastic song #and naisho no pierced's propose + birthday + gift sort of trilogy of songs. gift especially has been unreal #again the dynamics of soft intimate whispers to belts but also those fuller high notes with edges of growlyness. #plus the songs just generally rock. and those LYRICS. absolutely intense like physically painful and frightening like #yearning and codependency and possession. and the tuning and production just amps it up more #OH and slave.v.v.r has been doing crazy things for even longer but i only started getting into his stuff recently and holy shit #love eater is like. the scariest vocaloid song ive ever heard not because of the lyrics. but because of the tuning #im like. scared. i cant stop listening to it. the heavy synthesized breathy main vocals and whispered harmonies plus the VOCAL FRY #i didnt realized vocaloid5? i think? has a vocal fry option built in i heard? thats crazy #but specifically in love eater the fry and growl is amped up so deep and loud and clear compared to everything else it like #emphasizes the artificiality of the voice while also amping up the expressiveness #its awesome. and on the older slave.v.v.r songs i heard i will hit you 8759632145 times with this piano. also so fucking cool #addicted to that song. 1) its a great jazzy rocky piano tune with this piano flourish at the end of each phrase that sounds fantastic #but also 2) the lyrics are insane. using kanji to write english?????? #people are doing wild ass things with vocal synths rn you guys #this isnt even getting into some of the really unique synths themselves too. adachi rei is awesome i love that shes just like #the perfect inbetween of sample based and reconstruction based vocals. shes a sample based synth #but her samples were drawn by hand LOL shes like dectalks granddaughter to me..... #a really good use of adachi rei is iyowa's heat abnormal/heat anomaly/whatever its called ITS AWESOME thats what it is hjrkfdgfd #i think the fact that vocal synths can be so realistic and clean and noiseless out the gate now has made people really stop worrying #about like. realism all together and looking more into expressiveness. omg vocal synth modernist movement

[gio-cosmo]

I’m taking some community college courses soon and istg if someone doesn’t see the fandom related stickers on my laptop and immediately become my lifelong bff I’m dropping all classes idgaf

#LMFAOOO IM JOKING OBV #likeeee persona fans flock to me please #persona fans out in the wild pls be my friend 😕 #“out in the wild’’ I say in reference to the college campus 💀 I’m cooked #my honest reaction as I register for college after years of claiming I’ll never go to college 🤯 #LMAOOO #I woke up last month with the random realization that writing is my lifelong passion that I’ve been avoiding fully delving into— #out of fear of failure #so this is what we’re doing now ig! #“Gio what about coding and game development?’’ #well unfortunately coding makes me enter a state of misery every time I attempt it #so I’m putting that on the back burner for now #I’m not giving up on it by any means!! but I enjoy writing so much that it seems more sensible for me to pursue that at the moment #ANYWAYS #sorry for always rambling on here 😭 lol #my laptop is actually coveredddd in persona / chainsaw man / genshin impact stickers I’m lowkey embarrassed #I also have an Ib sticker but I’ve never seen like anyone talk about Ib unfortunately 💔 #Ib fans where are youuuu #is it unprofessional to have ur laptop covered in stickers am I cooked 😕 idk how college works like at all #I’m so fucked oh my god. LMFAOOO #mfw I lack basic knowledge #I’m trying my best over here fr 😞😞 #I ALSO HAVE MIKU STICKERS #can’t forget the miku stickers ofcccc #I’m sure you’re all really invested and interested in what stickers I have on my laptop #I mean this is world altering info. really crazy stuff #💀 #someone take the tag feature away from me at this point

[unkillobel]

i need to bitch about my job for a minute in the tags

#ok so a senior role was made available in my team that i could’ve applied for #and there’s two of us in the team so. yknow pretty certain that one of us would get it #it was sort of replacing someone who left who handled a fucktonne of work across two other teams i work with #and ultimately i decided not to apply for the job because 1. the other guy on my team has been there two years longer than i have #and 2. my health is fucking precarious #mental and physical. i already work slightly reduced hours to try and manage my chronic fatigue but even then i have frequent crashes #and whenever my workload gets too much i just shut down. like the worst stress response ever #so my coworker got the job and a hefty pay rise and im like good for him :) #and then he went on leave for 6 weeks so i got handed 60% of his workload #and when you get handed people’s projects you get a good insight into how they work and how they coordinate shit/write documents etc #and not only are these projects a piece of piss compared to the aid programme stuff i’ve been doing #his actual work is like?? not great #i know i’m a perfectionist and i put way too much effort into my documents and reports but #there’s no way this guy is being paid $30k more for this!! #so now i’m like why didn’t i fucking interview for the senior role!! #i have this terrible impostor syndrome even though i’ve been there a year and get good feedback on my projects #part of it because i’m 22 and i am constantly like how the fuck am i here with an arts degree. i don’t know Anything #but shit man. if this guy’s mediocre work is worth a senior role #i have had a couple of job offers with a decent pay bump which is still wild to me. you want to pay me WHAT #<- well aware this is a great ‘problem’ to have #anyway i think i need a pay rise. we’ve just had a mass exodus from our team. i reckon if i threatened to leave they would lift my salary? #but i don’t know if i want to blackmail my manager lmao

[iagreewithlilithsrightsnwrongs]

smth that ive thought abt n that i dont think ive ever seen touched upon is how similar bea n lilith should be in terms of life experience. like we know canonically that bea never drank. probs never went to a party, or rave or anything like that. didnt have partners most likely, probs never had her first kiss before ava n stuff. theres a lot of first times that beatrice probably experiences cuz of ava in s2, a lot of just. normal regular first times, things teenagers or young adults do, maybe college students, whatever. the most freedom she had was when she was younger, when she "was stepping out of line" as she said, probs doing child things n being dumb, ofc.

lilith is probably the same, except even worse. because i think she was taught to be the warrior nun as soon as possible. bea was actively repressing herself; lilith doesnt even acknowledge theres anything to repress. shes just the future warrior nun, not a mere 12 year old. shes a sister warrior, not just your average 16 year old. as long as her parents were there to watch, she is nothing but a legacy. and i do think lilith had her rebellious phase, ofc. but i dont think it was while she was living with her parents, or even when she was a minor. she knew to make all those obedient, nice years count and as soon as she left for good, she declared she was a new girl, n she would now do things she wanted to do. except... she cant.

she still has to train to be a warrior nun. sure she read books, non religion books. but the guilt of not upholding her end of the bargain of being born in her family as the next in line warrior nun would soon overcome her, n she would drop it. "i'll read it in the future" "i'll try that when im older n independent" its smth all teens, especially teen girls think. when im older, i'll be free. but lilith is not allowed that at all. she knows she likes things... but can she even allow herself the time to enjoy them?? can she watch movies in peace? can she go out, maybe make friends, go on cafe dates, go to the cinema, go shopping? without thinking abt her destiny? can she??? is she allowed peace???

lilith wanted to be free, cuz she thought it was only her parents holding her down. little did she know, while her parents built her cage, she was painting it finished. with how she was raised, lilith was never thought to feel *her* emotions as lilith, but only as warrior nun. n even if her parents ever allowed her peace, she wouldnt have taken it. shes going to be the warrior nun. she has to be. what else is she, but that?

#warrior nun #sister lilith #oh hey im writing #sister beatrice #what i wanted to say is that lilith looks cool but is an actual loser #never got drunk. never went to the cinema with friends. never fangirled over some band #she was never allowed normal. n when she got her freedom she didnt seek it out. just accepted *her* normal #probs felt comfort abt it. im not like other girls. i have a world saving duty. im smart n capable n strong #but she looks at her sister warriors trading inside jokes. or talking abt the new movie that came out. #or talking abt their middle school crushes n their embarassing haircuts n their emo phases. #mary smoking n drinking freely. beatrice starting the whole cruella de jesus thing. shannon n her pranks #she was their friend ofc. but she also felt weirdly left out. like she wasnt completely whole or just unfinished #but knowing that the path of the warrior nun is singular n straightforward. so much comfort in that. so simple n right n easy #n still she yearns. shes always been greedy n ambitious. she just wants more but doesnt know how to make the first step #i do think when she got to the ocs she started to find herself. mary definitely helped. #but those 2 months we didnt see?? now THATS the lilith i wanna meet. she was uncontained. but also ruined. so whats the point?? #why still be perfect n right when she is already wrong?? why not just go yolo n try all new things?? why not???? #so yh ava bea n lilith had some wild 2 months let me tell ya

[yappacadaver]

two separate endings where raymond's like 'lol glad it was you not me' just straight up to your face, he's the worst, i desire him carnally

#tbf in one of those endings he immediately becomes meatball so #but seriously i need to keep that energy when im writing him he is such a DICK #genuinely strikes me as a result of his maladjustment and not any actual desire to put rebecca down #like he doesn't laugh it doesn't get played like a joke and in ending 2 he says it so??? gently??? #like in the tone of voice you'd use to ask a sick person how their night went like maybe that's what he was going for? #and it came out like THAT?? #it's so good though esp in ending 3 where he kinda sounds proud like yes i DID just trap this woman in the mortuary and she is alive #on the floor #like honest to god i know im reaching real hard especially for a man who is such a jerk #but i think what he was going for was something along the lines of #'i've been doing this for years im exhausted do you understand me a little better now?' #which even on it's own is a WILD first thought to have upon discovering someone just coming back to consciousness but likeee #bbgirl is soooo pathetically lonely it's all he can FUCKING think about

[shattered-sky-trials]

MY OPINIONS ON THE RABBITS THUS FAR

#001

THE COWBOY. HES DUMBER THAN A ROCK IN A LOT OF AREAS, BUT NOT THE DUMBEST. OH SO HEARTWARMING MOTIVES. IVE STOLEN SOME OF THE PLANTS HE GROWS 🍃

#002

#006'S NICKNAMES FOR HIM ARE FUNNY AS SHIT. "SLAYBRIEL." HAH. OTHER THAN THAT HES GOT A GIANT STICK UP HIS ASS LMAO.

#003

IF SHE MAKES THE RIGHT CHOICES, SHE COULD MAKE IT PRETTY FAR. EITHER THAT, OR SHE WILL DIE FAST TRYING TO SAVE HER FRIEND(S). REMEMBER: ALLIES ARE HELPFUL, BUT HAVING FRIENDS IN A PLACE LIKE THIS WILL KILL YOU- OR THEM.

#004

ACTIVE AS HELL, BUT I GENUINELY CANT REMEMBER A THING SHE SAYS HALF THE TIME. THOUGH SHE HAS OFFERED A PEER TO STAY WITH HER WHILE XE GET XER BEARINGS.

#005

I GAVE THEM A PLACE TO STAY, AND THEY HAVE GROWN A GROUP OF CROWS. THAT COULD BE USEFUL, SO TO SPEAK.

#006

STUBBORN. A COMPULSIVE LIAR WHO HAS PUT ON SO MANY FACES AND PERSONALITIES THAT XEY HAVE LOST TRACK OF WHO XEY WERE IN THE FIRST PLACE. ITS ALMOST SAD ENOUGH TO MAKE ME CRY- NOT. THE FIRST TO GIVE ME THEIR NAMES.

#007

THE DAD OF FOUR, THE BIG TEDDY BEAR OF THE GROUP. EXCEPT HES STATED TO HATE HIS KIDS ENTIRELY. BEST BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY, LEST YOUR MOST HATED THINGS BE TAKEN AWAY.

#008

YOU HAVE NOT SAID MORE THAN A COUPLE MESSAGES. IF YOU DONT START SHOWIN' UP TO CLASS, YOURE GONNA GET EXPELLED. OR IN THIS CASE, ELIMINATED. BE ACTIVE OR DIE.

#009

SEEMS LIKE AN OPTIMISTIC PERSON. BY THE LOOKS OF THINGS, THIS ONE DOESNT SEEM TO REALIZE WHAT SHIT THEYVE GOTTEN INTO.

#010

THE RABBIT WHO MADE AN ENEMY OF EVERYONE WITHIN FIVE MINUTES. WE PLAYED HIDE AND SEEK, AND MY TEAM WON WITH ONE MINUTE TO SPARE. AS A CONSEQUENCE, THEY LOST TWO OF THEIR FINGERS. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE, BUT THEY DID JUST JOIN.

#011

THIS ONE IS WORTH KEEPING AN EYE ON. PROBABLY BETTER TO HAVE THEM ON YOUR SIDE, INSTEAD OF AGAINST, WHO KNOWS?

#012

TO BE HONEST. IM NOT SURE. THIS ONE SEEMS ODD, I GUESS.

#013

LUCKY NUMBER THIRTEEN USES SOME HORRIFYING EMOJIS, AND HE SEEMS TO LIVE AND BREATHE FOR HIS DARLING WIFE. ITS RATHER SWEET, MOSTLY.

#014

THIS ONE ACTS TOO NICE FOR HER OWN GOOD... POSSIBLY ANOTHER ONE TO KEEP AN EYE ON. SHE HAS A VERY STRANGE FEAR, TOO.

#015

THE PLACE IS TAKEN, BUT THEY HAVE YET TO SEAL THE DEAL. HIS FORM SEEMS INTERESTING ENOUGH.

#ooc tags ahead #i swear i was so faded writing this that it felt like i was actually being possessed by this purple bastard #it was WILD #so apologies if it sounds or looks weird #i did some editing of it just now bc im not in the clouds anymore #but still #emh fantrials #habit emh #seven trials of habit #7 trials of habit #habit everymanhybrid #emh #horror roleplay #roleplay #creepypasta #everymanhybrid #7trials

[steampoweredskeleton]

Tomorrow I am going to buy baldurs gate as soon as I've finished work and I am BUZZING WITH EXCITEMENT

#delete later #good luck to me sleeping tonight #and i gotta write my report tomorrow but ive finished the coding part of the project #im excited #im so happy work is nearly finished for a week #and im staying home!!! im gonna eat good food and play fun games and make chainmail! #Christmas makes me so much happier when i just ignore most of it. its too overwhelming otherwise #ill probably watch the muppets christmas carol bc i love the Muppets but otherwise i honestly like treating it so casually #i think i just find big holidays so overwhelming that i need to keep things level. same as my birthday. i dread it every year #but this year it was relaxing and nice and we did one thing and otherwise it was a normal day just with gifts #living with autism is wild and learning that sticking to my routine and other regulating things even on days when #youre supposed to be spontaneous and busy is very good. it helps. and staying regulated is a high priority now that i can #actually do it and have control over my life #ANYWAY im so excited for baldurs gate 3. my flatmate has told me the things that will frustrate me which is actually very #helpful in preparing me so that i dont immediately get frustrated and upset. very excited

[darkforestwarriors]

having conniptions at 3am as I realize that my only fully finished and realized fanfics are a one shot warrior cats vampire AU and a long ass one piece self insert shipfic that no one other than me will ever lay eyes on (probably?)

why am I like this help

#useless text post #I find myself writing almost exclusively self insert actually which I don't care if people find cringe but even so I find myself unable to #release them into the wilds #I have a couple non self insert-y ideas but its so hard to get. into the headspace to write them #or maybe I take them more seriously? #but then again I took my two longest self insert fics pretty seriously too so idk I guess i'm stuck unable to pass the embarrassment barrie #the embarrier as you will #secretly part of me does want to go ahead and post them now that I have an AO3 account but also the worries #what if peopel see them? #but even worse I think somehow is if I knew lots of people did see them and just ignored them I would fucking die #But like ...my tastes. are very formulaic and also specific #what if they bore people? On the other hand: What if they're exactly what someone has been looking for #im overthinking all this LMAO #I don't think im brave enough to do it tonight but maybe. maybe one day I'll be bold I'll be brave etc etc. #cringe on main blah blah #no one will read my inane word vomit tags anyways what am I worried for #(pleas validate me)

[mejomonster]

Persona 2 is so Bi

SO BI

anyway thanks for that choice. To make the main protagonist bi. His childhood best friend who loves him gay, also ur enemy, also ur team member and best friend again when he rejoins u, also u love him back

Then like. Also the lead girl Maya and her friends are arguably bi as hell in the sequel but like I am aware that's not As Intensely explicit canon as the other protagonist situation. Still. I love thst like. I get to play a bi boy, hear about the track girl lesbian drama of the school (a side plot), see my old best friend now enemy future lover running around committing crimes and taunting me like a very bitter ex, my new potential crush and this awkward girl who likes me I keep friendzoning both at my side

Then we get to the sequel and I get to be Maya and flirt with her two girl best friends as the same gay plot shit happens but I'm in a different pov now, with more weirdos to befriend on my team, and also I'm an adult now thank goodness

Like. Fun fun thank u whoever made these decisions

#persona 2 #rant #and on a related note its WILD to me how much altas regressed in terms of casual acceptance of queer characters like #in persona 2 theres bi protag i literally dont know whar to tell u like top that. i need that in more things NOW #let alone Then. then theres also a bunch of canon queer side characters living their lives. and a bunch of subtext queer shit #u can enjoy if u want. then like. persona 3 #no more queer main cast but. there are visible lesbians in the school so like at least the world #acknolwedges gay ppl exist. then persona 4 and... #they write and record a whole ass gay main story so ur protag is bi and friend is gay #then remove it completely like cowards. and now ur friend #is just a homophobe straught dude who maybe subtextually likes u #like. atlas really regressed a lotttt #anyway AS a bi perso #persona 2 is like. really fun. just cause like idk. its nice not feeling im forced in a straight mold storyline #which is always nice to not be stuck in #it just Hits diffetent when a protag is Actually written bi u know how it is

[humanmorph]

At work yesterday I watched a trailer for an upcoming horror movie (elevator game) and was pretty unimpressed with the monster design. You'd think they'd come up with something else for 'scary ghost woman' after all this time but nah it's still long black hair, long limbs (in this case fingers?) and like, contortion. also, you know, facial disfigurement! of course! it literally doesn't matter how many times disability advocates or disabled people themselves talk about how horror uses certain kinds of bodies as a template for monster designs or 'body horror'. it suuuuucks

#generally the movie just looks kind of bland but like. i couldve put it on the in the bg or something whatever #kind of bland horror movies are good for that. but i wont #someone says 'we need go to the police!' In the trailer & theres a snarky 'cant call the cops on a ghost!' reply which is sooo. #i guess that is a line that has to be there. #theres so many scare shots in this trailer and none of them work for me its wild #i also wish trailers but horror movie trailers specifically would stop making like... a highlight reel of the best moments #(for horror movies usually scares) it lessens the effect for the actual movie #rosa rambles #i was writing this earlier before i had to leave for art class. ive resumed my bitching. done now #im not even keeping up with movie releases horror or not (havent been in a horror mood) i just saw this by chance. #man there are a good amount of haters in the yt comments. the writer is replying to some. well sorry your movie looks mid

[gibbearish]

security breach ruin spoilers in tags

#heres some random tags to hopefully hide them under the see more thing #if not oh well anyone whos trying to avoid em can simply avert thine eyes or will simply have the tag #security breach ruin spoilers #filtered so all shall be well with the world #ANYWAYS im watching a video about the good endings right now and i want to put my guess down in writing before i see it #i think the second gregory voice that directs you in escaping the mimic and then kills you in the elevator is also fake #cassie leaves the other walkie talkie with the mimic and theres no explanation for why this gregory knows cassie was there #mostly because i feel like making the ten year old protagonist of your video game murder another child in an #elevator is a wild character choice if that is actually what happens kenfksnfksbfksbdk #anyways will check back in after i finish the video

[sourdough-morbread]

i was going through an old fic of mine on ao3 and yeah its nice to see how my writing style has grown and changed.

#past me was like dialogue tags? never heard of her. especially for this fic. #i haven't read through some of my old stuff in years probably #my old laptop also stopped charging so i don't actually have access to them other than ao3 #it was wild not having the option to read them even though i hadn't even wanted to for so long #so now im reading them #read your old fics guys #remember the baby writer in you doing the best writing you could at the time