#and now im empty and fucked up

[malo-mart]

Wind Waker has aged so magnificently because they filled that game with so much personality and life it's hard not to enjoy yourself the entire time

[doubledyke]

thinkin about edd today

#apparently im one of those fans that loves to torture edd #but it aint my fault his parents dont love him #i imagine eddy's mom knows hes alone a lot and invites him to join them for thanksgiving but he's like #“i have no idea what youre talking about mrs. mcgee my parents who definitely love me are home right now yes indeedy” #then he goes home to heat up his little free range turkey and whole wheat stuffing and eats alone at a big empty table #if he's feeling dangerous he might eat on the couch and watch PBS #after dinner he calls eddy who regales him with stories about fucked up relatives #and he almost considers himself lucky for not having a close-knit family #i kinda picture edd moving to pc from out of state so his extended family doesn't live close #of course his parents might get the occasional holiday off so im sure he's not alone every year but #idk i've embarrassed myself before by sharing my thoughts about edd's parents and i'm sure it won't be the last #i'd like to write a long overly dramatic fic about a day in his life that takes place in the timeline of the show #but im knee deep in angst as it is #text

[ocpdzim]

what you’ve got to understand about working conditions in education (and also other care-oriented careers) is that if they’re shit, two things are true at once:

that does not ever excuse being cruel to a kid, no matter what

until those conditions are fixed, education will continue to suck absolute shit

this is because when working conditions for teachers are really bad, many of the good teachers who recognize when they are reaching a point where they can no longer be the sort of teacher the kids deserve due to burnout WILL quit. they will do the responsible thing and go away for their own sake and the sake of the kids. and you end up stuck w a combination of new teachers who are trying their best but won’t last long, burnt out teachers who are trying their best but have nothing left to give and therefore aren’t very effective at actually teaching, and cockroach shitheads who take out their misery on the kids.

we have all had terrible experiences with bad teachers, many of them flat out traumatic, but for fuck’s sake please try to look at the systemic underpinnings of the problem for one minute. spitefully declaring that teachers don’t deserve good working conditions or even the right to complain about bad working conditions because ms. whoever in 5th grade was a bitch is only going to create more of her. if you want good teachers then we need an education system they can survive in

#i get so irritated w the post where like. #95% of it is a good post and then at the end op is like WAAAHHH teachers are complaining about burnout on my post about a bad teacher #like yeah no shit. if the field of education wasnt so hostile to everyone who works in it maybe they could have found a better teacher to #replace that motherfucker with. and then she would not be there to bother the kids any more. #as someone who Has had traumatic experiences w bad teachers. #its scary enough walking into a field i know is pretty much built to chew new teachers up and spit us out #hoping to be able to survive it long enough to do some good and be the kind of teacher i needed as a kid #without people acting as though it is some sort of crime for teachers to want. like. basic human dignity at work and enough money to survive #even people who are nominally pro-workers rights #you guys have no fucking idea how bad the situation is in schools right now #the reason bad teachers didnt get fired perhaps USED to be tenure #but nowadays its the fact that its rare for a school to be fully staffed *at all* bc so many teachers quit or died #so they'll hire and keep absolutely fucking anyone simply because the alternative is No Teacher. and an empty classroom #full of kids who wont learn anything except that the system doesnt even care about them enough to put a teacher in the room. #i have gotten job offers ON SIGHT from principals who know nothing about me and im literally not even legally qualified to teach yet #like before even telling them my name lmao #and im sure everyone else in town who expresses any interest in teaching whatsoever gets the same.

[beckyblah]

I spend like every day desperately daydreaming up ways to turn all of dsmp into my own OCs frfr

#when every day is missing cprimes fucked up dynamic but the irl guy makes u so annoyed and disgusted that making something that’s #even tangentially related to him is repulsive so you want to make OCs that fit that dynamic instead #except oops. now YOU gotta create the contents #and Im fucking HEAD EMPTY!!!!!!!!! #dies explodes shatters into a thousand pieces

[isogenderskitty]

tw suicide mention

this is extremely dark, but like... hear me out. what would steph even do with herself if she had ended up killing pete? she has no family to go home to, no clear aspirations... and i'm sure she doesn't even want to think about the possibility of someday getting over pete and finding someone else. i can't get the idea out of my head that she would've just... hung around long enough to see the lords in black make good on their end of the deal, and then... created a parallel to romeo & juliet, if you catch my drift.

#tw suicide #PLEASE dont reblog this without some kind of tw thank you #honestly? it's fucked up but... part of me would rather she got to be with pete on the other side than see her go home to that empty house #just devoid of any hopes or dreams #and try and find Something to cling to #the worst part is that i can't even really think of anything on her behalf #the press would probably not help either. they'd swarm her for information on her dad's disappearance #they'd make up insane rumour after insane rumour #what does she have to move on to???? #hatchetfield #npmd #stephanie lauter #steph lauter #lautski #... kinda sorta. sorry #god this sucks but i cant get it out of my head now #i mean yes given enough time her grief would fade and she could find Something to work towards im sure #but how long would that take and who would even be there to help her?? grace?? she isnt gonna listen to grace for anything ever again #my real hope would be that she somehow ends up at miss retros and miss holloway can help her i guess. #i like the idea of people ending up there in times of crisis #like it's a little oasis in hatchetfield

[phantomrose96]

So I know this isn't anything that like actually needs an apology but it'll make me feel a bit better to say it. Oof whoops this ABoT chapter is super late. Timing kinda sucks since I wanted to have some updates out while s3 was airing but

Been kinda mega busy and stressed since October with the whole condo buying thing which rolled right into immediate day 0 plumbing and boiler issues I had to get fixed and general moving hassle and financial commitment stress and I kinda just fried myself hard. Plus then acclimating to a new place without my familiar street or familiar grocery store or familiar room or any of that. Like there's no "just go home and take your mind off it" to this cuz home is the "it". So I'm just kinda enduring until I can calm the hell down.

And anyway I definitely have progress on ch47, like 7000-ish words of it, but it's the kind of like "there is writing there" and hasn't exactly hit the "there is substance there" that I want ABoT chapters to be. Like this in particular is a chapter I want to be good, not just be done. So it's taking time to get my brain somewhere that can do that.

#anyway #i mean just in case anyone was like wondering if its discontinued to anything #its still going i just can't make it Good quite yet #(plus i need to get furniture cuz as it stands the place is really quite empty and bare except for like my room and the kitchen) #(also the bank had my address wrong so they havent been able to send me any of the mortgage information which was technically due already) #(ive been in contact with them but it's a whole thing) #(plus im still not quite finished with all the utility switching. i still need to get water in my name) #(and the boiler issue fucked up my gas bill so now ive got a crazy high gas bill i just need to... pay) #(i have actually started seeing a therapist but thats a whole other Thing now figuring out insurance and deductables and using my HSA #account and just... it's a lot) #(oh also my homeowner's insurance policy number doesn't actually work for getting me into the online portal. and the geico guy said he was #looking into it but I havent heard anything in a while) #(its a lot im just gonna melt for a while i guess) #(plus all the upfront stress has made it really hard to associate the new place as 'home' instead of 'place of great many plumbing evils') #(i sat on like 4 million couches this week and the only one i really really like probably doesn't quite fit in my living room) #(the downstairs neighbors tv is too loud and i need to talk to her about it in a way which isn't 'hey im holding on by a thread and this #one small inconvenience is the thing which is making me turn into ash') #(oh thats right i have to go pay my january HOA dues...) #(oh also I need to file for the owner-occupied tax exemption thing now that its 2023) #anyway......... ill be normal eventually. im just not normal right now. #chrissy speaks

[sukugo]

So as a fellow sukugo shrine sweeper, I feel like I have to share this with you first:

That's it. It was over. They all watched as Gojo fell to the rubble beneath his feet. Shallow, raspy breaths and the gurgling of blood would only be poetic in a moment such as this.

"You fought well, my sorcerer." Sukuna's words weren't a verbal sneer. He stated it as fact, therefore it was so. He walked to the highest pile of former buildings and sat down. "I will give you a choice, Satoru Gojo. You die here and now, or you can crawl to me. After all, it would be a shame to lose you. You've taught me something that no one else could."

Everything was shaking. It was too much but nothing at all. Gojo could only cling to the voice in front of him, to the eyes of the god before him. Crawl, Sukuna had said. What did he have to lose? The world was fucked either way, and he had caused so much destruction.

The refuge in his audacity had run out.

The refuge ahead was still here. Just a few steps away.

Stumbling was something he didn't think was possible when crawling. He never had to worry about it before.

A clawed hand raked through his blood crusted hair. If he wasn't using the king of curses as a bedrock for his sanity, he might have been startled.

"There we are, Satoru. I'm glad you made the right decision. Come here, and I will tell you what you taught me." He pulled Gojo between his legs and the sorcerer laid his head on the other's leg. He felt Sukuna healing his wounds right under his fingertips, and gasped as it overflowed into his bones.

Not quite healing, but more a brand. A mark of victory, pouring into his cracked cup of a body. He felt Sukuna filling every empty space, not just his mind, but his physical form as well.

He didn't know when his eyes had closed, but Malevolent Shrine was kinda hard to miss.

"Why so quiet all of a sudden?"

"It's not empty anymore. It's quiet." Was it always this dark?

"Your six eyes caused that void. I removed the problem. Made you whole. You were born rare, but also broken. Empty. I suspected that was what was wrong with you, but... you don't have to worry about that now."

"Explains why everything is so fucking dark."

A barking laugh came from above him.

"A small price for me filling your void."

"Careful now, I'm already on my knees." Gojo wise cracked. "But what did I teach you?"

"Love." That's... not what he was expecting. " You and I are very similar. That is the reason why our fight was as fulfilling as it was destructive. We fill and heal the void that makes us restless... but only you can give that to me. Just as I will be the only one for you."

The curse lifted him up onto his lap, and Gojo gently examined his remains of his eyes. Gone.

"When they regenerate, they will be no different than normal eyes, little sorcerer."

"When??"

"I would prefer if my love could see me." Gojo parted his lips to speak, but an insistent press of lips took the words from him.

When they parted, Gojo could only formulate one solid question:

"What would I see, Sukuna?"

The god holding him, his grin unseen, leaned back into his throne.

"That I alone...

...am the exalted one."

Sorry if this is really long or seem ooc, I was vibing to Neoni and things happened. I hope you enjoy though!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHFHJASHDKJASHJDSHGKLFHGLKSDHFKLDHGLKHGSDKLHFASKLJFKLHSKDFJAKLJASKLDJGLSHDLFJAJFASKFA

sorry i just. i need a fucking moment. IAUGHKDGAJFHKJLJASDLAJFKADKASÑ IM SCREAMING

THANK U SO SOSOSOOSOS MUCH FOR SHARING THIS IT'S SO GOOD AND IM NOT OKAY FUCK

#f.ask #jjk #sukugo #i cried. im crying right now. #how do i even. #im in love. im in love with them. #there's sososos many things. #SUKUNA SUKUNA SUKUNA. HE'S SO. #him referring to gojo as 'my sorcerer' and 'little sorcerer' OTL #'The refuge in his audacity had run out. The refuge ahead was still here' FUCK #just. the tenderness!!!! they're equals. they're meant for each other!!!!!!! no one else can give them that which they can give each other. #and the love that runs through them bc of this #felt through sukuna running his hands on gojo's hair. the laugh. the gently picking up satoru. the KISS. OUFGGHDHDGDJGA #'Not quite healing but more a brand. A mark of victory pouring into his cracked cup of a body. He felt Sukuna filling every empty space not #just his mind but his physical form as well.' oh FUCK im insane #'I would prefer if my love could see me.' SCREAMING CRYING #The god holding him his grin unseen leaned back into his throne. 'That I alone......am the exalted one.' FDHDJSHDHDBDHD SCREAAAAAMM #like. yeah. yeah. YEAH. #need to breathe. #and like. not to mention ur writing style is so lovelyyyyyyyyyyyy 💖💖💖💖 #OTL im cannot #like aaaaahhhhh this is such an amazing thing to get in ur askbox im so so so 🥰🥰🥰🥰😭😭😭😭💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 #like. fuck. fr overjoyed that u shared this with me thank u so MUCH!!!!!!! #i appreciate it a lot a lot. i enjoyed this immensel. it wasn't too long or ooc. ily. giving u a KISS <33333

[kyeomyun]

and if I speak about ateez coachella performance.

just know I am beyond, OVERLY, proud...

they went from debuting with Pirate King in the Sahara desert to performing on a BIG FUCKING STAGE IN THE SAHARA. LET THAT SINK IN.

#{🍵} — jada’s tea time :3 #im not gonna say a word #just know they fucking made history right there #{the camera work was ass but dude... when i tell you i went through every emotion #good and bad #i cried 3 times and got up to dance as if i didnt almost have a breakdown #now i feel empty

[opens-up-4-nobody]

The way that the sun hits leaves and clouds. I feel like I could watch the colors change forever. If I could slow down for that long.

#i keep forgetting a have a deck now. i can go outside and sit there #im doing that now. sitting in the corner of a deck full of empty chairs. staring up at a big pine tree where the sun is striking it gold #at the top. i like how thr light hits the needles. if the sky was black it would look like its on fire #theres a tree outside my bedroom window too. in the morning. after the sunrises it catches thr light and refelcts the most perfect shade #of green. the kind of green that flutters translucent like youre looking up from the bottom of a pool. the light the light its all about #the sun. everything everything is about the sun. when i start my project I'll be focused on understanding how organisms catch the light bc #its so incredible and complicated it would make my chest swell to bursting if there wasnt an empty bleeding wound in my gut. a #metaphorical wound of course. i dunno. its just difficult bc right now my mood is inflated by hormones. not even that much i think I'm #just at what shoulf be a normal level of happiness so i can be slow for a minute. but just a minute bc i kno it won't last long #sorry i cant shut the fuck up when im like this but i dunno i just feel like i havr to document these ephemeral moments before they're gone #its just difficult when you kno the world is so full of beautiful things but 95% of the time your eyes are too clouded to see it #everyone tells me i work too much but i feel like im just staring off into space being miserable 60% of the time. ive just done so much #damage over the past few years im coming into a new lab as damaged goods. ive got an albatross around my neck in thr form of data i #collected so self destructively that the idea of having anything to do with its publication makes me hate myself. everytime someone tells #me good job on collecting so so so much data it feels like they're congratulating me for breaking something within myself. like i slit my #wrists and bled out on a lab bench and theyre saying good job and theyre excited for me and i have to grin and bear it and pretend im #excited too. but im not bc ive burned everything inside me to ash. so when im elevated enough to be distracted by the clouds and trees it #feels like healing. like seeing angels. beautiful ephemeral beams of light. i wish i could slow down enough to watch them. but now thr sun #is hitting the horizon and the sky is going gradually dark and i should go inside. bc i have many things to do in the morning. so that's #what ill do. and ill try to get more thsn 6hrs of sleep but its hard when your body is vibrating over with energy #but at least i dont feel tired in the morning. something in my head must be on fire #unrelated #hm i should maybe add a tw to this #tw self injury #but its the kind thst makes u good at ur Job. its the kind ppl reward. so they don't understand when u say its destroying ur life #but im trying to get better. i say as i gear up for an insane semester lol but i do mean it

[rivilu]

Haven't had the chance to play actual dnd in real life, but In this run I get the sense that bg3 perfectly captures the "party progresses in a weird sideways way that bypasses tons of the dm's prepared lore, so the dm takes revenge by dropping a near impossible encounter on them" vibe I hear so much about

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #fun fact i killed minthara by dropping her down a hole #somehow didn't get the achievement for it though #smh smh jdjsjd #but yeah. ill talk spoilers in the next few tags so be warned #first it was the goblin camp where instead of even trying to talk to anyone i just went up to the hobgoblin at the very back and attacked #took a LOT of tries to beat that encounter #slowly cleared the camp from the inside out without even seeing a cutscene with minthara or anything nxnd rip queen or whatever #then you had the duergar camp or whatever that area was called #where i didn't even realise what the deal with the drow was im just like. oh im freeing those fucking gnomes. wait we're on time limit? #can't long rest? run out of short rests? damn guess it's a challenge run #so emptied that room of all of them before blowing up the rubble. then killed the guy inside without talking to him for more than two lines #lmao #THEN THAT GODDAMN FUCKIN ENCOUNTER IN THE CURSED AREA #which was glitched 4 me until i equipped torches and deactivated turn based mode for the curse before it started #now im over the area where that gold encrusted toll collector (?) is #which apparently has more health than Grym so uhhhhhhh #maybe need to level up before tackling that #long story short im making bad decisions <3 gods bless easy mode

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

i like how lighthearted im saying that as if it isn't something that fucks with me constantly lol

#me when i cant think so i cant contribute anything meaningful to what im doing or whatever #i just #i know its 9pm rn so like obviously but im so tired. constantly. #i feel so empty like someone poked a hole in my head and squeezed all of me out like a juicebox #and like i wish i could think and have ideas and just say anything mildly interesting or even correct #but all i can do is just point at shit and hope someone else picks it up for me #and like god i know being a teenager just sucks and this too shall pass #but does it have to fucking go on so long #swearing cw #cw vent #aethers rants #personal posts and stuff idk #sorry im normal now i probably just need some sleep

[frecklystars]

sorry for the long ass post but this has always my favorite scene in the entire film - for obvious reasons - and im so glad greta talked about it and the way she worded it made me laugh so hard i had tears in my eyes. haha... god. my boyfriend sobbing his eyes out over the metaphorical crusts on his patriarchy sandwich......

#i dont think ill ever love anybody quite the same way that i love Ken #because he came into my life during a time when i was like. dying. not in a haha millennial way. i was genuinely fucking dying. #he is so. special. to me. he is so... everything to me and i truly mean it every time that i say it #i miss and love him so deeply so WHOLEHEARTEDLY *EVERY* single day #and i didn't used to be able to do that anymore! but he!! HE made me feel SAFE again and thats INSANE #because i was SO UNSAFE for SO goddamn long! and the feeling of safety is STILL unfamiliar to me and foreign and horrifying #but he's constantly such a Safe character. Barbie too even moreso. and it's so refreshing after feeling Unsafe for so. long. #i spent over a year feeling like my whole world had ended and i was destined to die but then he! shows up! in my life! #and no other character was able to spark life back into my heart the way he did #AND I HAD *TRIED* I had tried so hard to get into old special interests and find new ones but NOTHING worked #i was just an empty husk. just a shell of a person having flashbacks *constantly* #feeling unsafe *constantly* suffering *constantly* every single second i was awake i was in so much pain #and then every time i'd sleep i'd have the goriest nightmares about all the abuse i was put through and all the F/Os i'd lost #but then Ken Carson plucked a star out of the sky and said 'hey sweet girl you don't know me but i miss you and love you' #'and barbie is here and im here and allan is here and everyone loves you already. we're so happy to meet you' #'and everything is gonna be okay because we've got you! we came for you! and we will fight for you!!' #and then hearing greta comment abt this scene made me laugh so hard and then it hits me. i laugh now. #i laugh so often because of This Dude. i didnt used to be able to laugh before but now i laugh like i used to #i used to say all the time about my past main F/O i had lost from abuse from an IRL person 'i will never love anyone more' #and true i will never love anyone more than i loved my starlight. but here is the thing #i will never love anyone the way i love Barbie. i will never love anyone the way i love Ken Carson #because it was IMPOSSIBLE for me to feel joy for so long and it was. THIS MOVIE that brought me back #when this movie is so full of the most specific triggers. colors. clothes. yet i push thru it every time #and its because these characters make me feel THAT safe!!!! like if i see a trigger i tell myself that's BARBIE'S Thing. and Barbie is safe #ive never ever once had a flashback during the barbie movie NOT even once even tho logically i Should. but i dont. #because these F/Os are like!!! sweet girl!!! we've got you!!! and i'm like yeah you sure do now don't ever let me go #god i cry my eyes out every single time i think about this i need to sleep LMFAO SORRY FOR THE LONG RANT #love notes #💕 I'll fight for you!! - ̗̀🐎🏖️✨ ̖́-

[deimostes]

save it all with your devotion

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic #sth #sonic fanart #sonic cd #<-i fucking GUESS. it's modern sonic so im thinking of the crush 40 vs cash cash version of the song #digital #caption is like. a line i came up with that i think would sound good as an extra lyric in the chorus of sonic boom #hence the rhyme of 'motion' and 'devotion.' the last bit of the chorus sounds empty to me now since i came up with it #new years piece :) i started this on the 30th thinking it'd be done the next day. it nearly was but then i got busy. #happy 2024! #fanart

[greensaplinggrace]

thinking now about minimalism angst... how did it come to this

#anyways baghra's obsession with humility and repression and minimalism... #like i love the idea of aleksander getting free of her and indulging in things as he kind of does in canon #even though we still know he's repressed i mean lets be real #but now im thinking about him just.. not having anything not indulging in anything not allowing himself to think about anything #anyways malarklina prompt fresh in my mind where mal and alina enter his apartment for the first time and it's fucking EMPTY #and they're like girl wth #and then they slowly like brighten it up and fill it with things and give him gifts and stuff... #thinking #shadow and bone #sab #grishaverse #aleksander morozova #the darkling #myramblings

[onlyfangz]

when i say im an insomniac, i dont mean i fall asleep at 2am and feel a bit run down the next day. when i say im an insomniac, i mean once when unmedicated, i didnt sleep for three days, hallucinated, and was hospitalised, and when i am medicated, it takes 10mg of melatonin before my body decides it might fall asleep before 7am, so i hope yous can understand my frustration that "i overslept" isnt an acceptable excuse.

#charlie.txt #my entire life has just been a massive cesspit of sleep deprivation #i feel like insomnia is seen as this kind of normalised thing that everyone deals with #and whilst its like #im not trying to say people with regular insomnia dont struggle or have it bad #i have never met anyone in my entire life who has such trouble sleeping as i do #ive been like this since i was a baby #an actual baby who couldnt even hold his own head up #right through my entire childhood #teen years #and then up to now #theres never been a single period in my life where ive known what its like to sleep well #im constantly running on near empty and yet society expects me to give up more than i have for it #and its like. im not trying to be condescending here. but my issues with sleeping have made me suicidal in the past. #ive just wanted to end it all so i can get a moments fucking rest #and it feels diminishing when someone tells me they stayed up til 3am last night so they get where my frustrations lie

[jirai-kei-freak]

why does it have to be this way

#Why #I was doing so good this past year #There were times I was literally crying tears of joy because I haven’t felt as happy as I was in years #Now shit’s coming back and I don’t like it #Every fucking time man #“Well life is supposed to have its ups and downs” HAVE YOUVE WENT THROUGH WHAT I WENT THROUGH #summer through all the way to the end of 2023 was one of two of the most miserable times I ever went through #I was almost never happy #Had cheap laughs for like 20 minutes then back to misery #There wasn’t a single day were I didn’t wish i was dead #Literally I would wake up and i immediately wanted to start crying #Thats how bad things were #You could see it in my face how lonely and miserable i was #I hadnt felt that empty for like a good few years since then #It was to the point where I thought there was never going to be light in my life ever again #I went through some fucked up shit and now im traumatized 10x more then i was before #The first day of school was a weak after some extremely traumatic stuff happened man #Then the new year started and everything was starting to get better #I started taking medication #I was much more happier #My self esteem boosted up #I started working on myself and became a better person #I dont think i ever had a period of my life where i felt THAT BETTER #Like I said i was crying because I had felt a massive weight lifted off my shoulders #It literally felt like i saw the light #I legitimately thought things were getting truly getting better #It’s just gonna be the same damn cycle over and over again huh? #For several months I feel depressed as shit #Then for a few months things start to clear up #Then suddenly and abruptly things go back to the shit