#and now we have to live in a world where grayson (2015) exists

[akocomyk]

Twenty-eight books read in 2019.  Sixteen longlisted books.  One person who wastes his time writing sh*t as if they really matter.

Here it is.  The best books I read in the past year.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

The unfortunate books that I had to let go since I only had ten spots to fill.

Turtles All the Way Down by John Green (2017)

Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie (1934)

History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera (2017)

The Murder of Roger Ackroyd by Agatha Christie (1926)

Bird by Bird by Anne Lammott (1994)

The Silkworm by Robert Galbraith (2014)

*Ratings range from 1 to 5, with 5 being the highest

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

10th Place

56 by Bob Ong (2018)

Rating: 4.300

Bob Ong makes a comeback on my list with his latest novel.  His other book, Si, ranked 10th last 2015.  This is the second time a Filipino book enters the list and is also the second nonfiction book ever—after Into the Wild last 2016.

In his latest release, Ong returns to the writing style that made him famous— reminiscent of his earlier books like ABNKKBSNPLAko.  56 is like a 300-page commentary or editorial about the issues of the present Filipino generation.

Other readers have found the book a little too preachy.  I find it enlightening as it serves as a wake-up call to the Filipinos who are turning their blindsides to the harsh realities of our nation.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

9th Place

Mga Kirot ng Kapalaran (Kikomachine Komix blg. 11) by Manix Abrera (2015)

Rating: 4.445

This is a long-overdue recognition to my favorite comic strip artist (Fun Fact: I met him quite a few times already).  For many years, I've ignored the chance to even put his works in the list of contenders.  I'm not throwing it away again.  Now, I have my first book to enter the top 10 classified under comics and graphic novels.

In this collection of strips by Manix Abrera, his work remains as humorous and as satirically laughable as the first time I saw his comic. Themes have changed to reflect the new trends and issues of our present society.

For as long as Manix draws and publishes his work, I will continue to read them as I know he gives an intellectual yet amusing input to our society's problems.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

8th Place

Mga Batang Poz by Segundo Matias, Jr. (2018)

Rating: 4.450

“Beautiful and relevant, but not flawless,” this is what I said on my review for this YA novel.

Mga Batang Poz is the third Filipino book on this list.  Having three books on the list is a first.  Furthermore, this is also the first time in four years that a Filipino book enters the list.

As previously mentioned, I have certain problems with regard to the overarching narrative of the novel.  I wish that Matias could’ve written something more elaborate or something that doesn’t feel forced.

Nevertheless, the book accomplishes its goal of being a story that advocates HIV awareness, especially towards the youth.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

7th Place

The One and Only Ivan by Katherine Applegate (2012)

Rating: 4.485

In this book, you'll see both the cruelty and the compassion of humanity through the eyes of a gorilla named Ivan who is the narrator of the story.

Ivan is based on a real-life gorilla who was being used as a live animal attraction in Zoo Atlanta.

It is quite obvious that the book is meant for a younger audience, but despite this, I know anyone of any age will be able to appreciate it.  Ivan is a gorilla after all, and I think the simplicity of how it was written suits his character, making the tone of the story more natural.

Overall, it was very touching.  Although it mirrors pretty much what happened to the real-life Ivan, it efficiently delivers its message for animal welfare.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

6th Place

And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie (1939)

Rating: 4.525

This is a mystery novel filled with suspense and everything that'll make you love and hate it at the same time.  The horror it gives chills you to the bone for every page you turn.

Agatha Christie is insane—and I mean that in a good way.  The plot was so well-thought out that even when nearing at the end, I had no clue who the culprit was.  When it was revealed to me, I was like, “Yeah.  That makes absolute f*cking sense.”

For a book that has ten major characters, it does well in handling them.  You know when a piece of literature is brilliantly made when even if its length isn’t considerably long, it doesn’t sacrifice the characters’ backgrounds and the narrative of the story.

Despite the novel’s inhumane and despicable acts, it also addresses issues about criminal injustices that are still prevalent today.  In our country alone, criminals—corrupt officials, master drug dealers, rapists, murderers—are still roaming around the streets, evading the consequences of their actions.   At times when the law is not enforced properly, people resort to their own type of justice.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

5th Place

Darius the Great Is Not Okay by Adib Khorram (2018)

Rating: 4.590

In this debut novel by Adib Khorram, the titular character Darius suffers from clinical depression.  Also, he's a Star Trek and Lord of the Rings fan.

This book demonstrates the fact that real depression is not simply cured by positive reinforcement and bible verses—as what most overly religious people think.

The novel highlights Darius' relationship with the other characters—most especially with Sohrab.  It shows how he copes up with them while he struggles with his mental disorder.

There are also subtle hints of homosexuality, which added to the overall tension of the story since the main characters are Muslims.  It wasn't blatant but it was obviously present—in the right and necessary amount.

To me, this is a spiritual brother of Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz—one of my favorite books.  It gave me the same feeling of awe, beautiful pain, and joyful nostalgia. There were parts that broke my heart—I was ugly crying while riding a bus—and by the end, I was a complete mess, although I'm utterly happy.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

4th Place

Moonrise by Sarah Crossan (2017)

Rating: 4.595

What I love most about this book is how it was written.  Instead of being in paragraphs, it was written in verses—like poetry.  I thought it was creative and oddly fitting for the story.

Even though there are more blank spaces on the pages than letters, those words are enough to draw me into the story.

The novel is about Ed whose brother was up on death row.  I found myself rooting for him, and I was hoping similarly to how he was hoping in the story.  When the end came, I couldn't help myself from closing my eyes.

The narrative was fairly simple, it matches the way it was written.  The characters—although few and also written with the utmost simplicity—feel so human and are not flat, cardboard cutouts.

In the light of all the flawed justice systems and abuses of law enforcers not just in America but everywhere else in the world, it's good to find a book that's bold enough to address such issues and an author who's brave enough to write them.

Lots of murderers are on the loose, yet there are innocent people being slaughtered for crimes they didn't commit.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

3rd Place

On the Come Up by Angie Thomas (2018)

Rating: 4.605

Just when you thought Angie Thomas couldn't write anything as good as The Hate U Give (THUG), she gives us this.  If it's not better, then it sure is as brilliant as her debut novel.

This is Thomas' second consecutive year in my list, with THUG bagging the top plum last year.

The novel is proof of Thomas’s writing prowess.  It successfully immersed me into the life of her protagonist, a life filled with hope, angst, and ambition.  And the dialogue… Especially the rap battles.  They were amazing.  Seeing as Thomas herself was a rapper, you can feel the ingenuity in her words.

Moreso, this is one book that we really need in our present times.  It reflects all of my sentiments regarding social media and how it can make or break a person.  And how much the oppressed and marginalized communities lack representation, and how they are still subject to much prejudice.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

2nd Place

A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini (2007)

Rating: 4.680

This beautiful novel demonstrates the horror of domestic violence towards women.  It also provides a glimpse of the people and culture of Afghanistan during the times of war.

I'm in love with how Khaled Hosseini's characters flesh out from the pages.  You'd love them.  You'd care for them.  Their agony becomes yours.  Their pain drips out from the corners of the books as your tears trail down your cheeks.

And on their sweet, small victories, you'd give a sigh of relief as the anxiety is slowly drained from your body.

In the two years that I've read a book by Hosseini, it didn't fail to shatter my heart. The Kite Runner ranked first in my 2017 list, and now this. If ever get to read another one of his books, I've no doubt it will also be a contender for that year's list.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

1st Place

Thunderhead by Neal Shusterman (2018)

Rating: 4.765

This book is also up on my shelf for the best sequels ever—be it for any medium.

I read this earlier this year and it remained unbeatable until 2019 ended.

This is the second book in Neal Shusterman's Arc of a Scythe trilogy, the sequel to Scythe—which placed 3rd in my 2017 list.

Growth and expansion. These are the things I love about the sequel.  Ronan and Citra, the two main protagonists of the trilogy, are older, wiser, and better people, despite the fact that they're teenagers.  You can feel their struggles with their respective endeavors.

Also, the universe is bigger.  The Arc of Scythe novels feature a world where death does not exist and everyone is biologically immortal.  In order to balance the earth’s population, there are these so-called Scythes whose life-long job is to assassinate anyone they choose.

In this sequel, you get to know more about the mechanisms of their world.  There’s a new main character, Grayson, who takes you deeper and gives you a view of what it's like to live as a normal human.

The book deals with the adverse effects of the ways power-hungry people want to achieve their ambitions.

But that's not why I went gaga after reading the book.

IT.  WAS.  EPIC.  The plot twists within the plot twists.  The narrative.  And the ending.  My god, that ending.  I COULD HEAR MY SILENT SCREAMS.  After the last page, the only thing I thought of was, "GIVE ME THE THIRD BOOK RIGHT NOW!"

Thunderhead isn’t flawless, but it’s a very fine piece of literature that I recommend to anyone who loves to read.

• • • • •

I hope I won't regret putting Thunderhead in first place after a few years.  I regret giving the top spot to I'll Give You the Sun last 2016.  After pondering about the books I've read in the past years, I've found that Anthony Doerr's All the Light We Cannot See is one remarkable and memorable book, and the one I should've given the highest honors.

Books with relevant themes dominated my shelf but the book that won my heart was the one with intricate plots and a phenomenal ending.  It feels weird but I hope for the best.

Happy New Year, everyone!

#Top10books

[the-schwayest-batman-around]

Opinions on Robin Beyond

So per some mild interest by some followers and my own interest in talking about it. In the effort of spoilers, I’ll be placing a read more for those interested. In addition, I’ll list the pros and the cons of the choices made so far. Finally, these are my opinions about the choices. If you agree or disagree, that’s completely understandable and I respect those opinions.

So let’s get going!

So while it’s been hinted at several times, Matt McGinnis, Terry’s younger brother, appears to be taking up the mantle of Robin. This is a huge shift in the Beyond dynamic as Terry McGinnis has never had a Robin despite several attempts as far back as the television show to give him one. In fact, the execs at Kids WB wanted Matt to be a larger focus and make him go on his own adventures that Terry wasn’t a part of (going as far as having a little motorcycle or Batmobile hidden behind a dumpster outside his window as an idea).

Pros:

A Brand New Dynamic: We’ve had several Robins and several different with dynamics with each of them. The most common is the father/son bond with Batman and Robin (Bruce and Dick/Jason/Tim/Damian being the most straightforward). There are exceptions, such as Stephanie, Duke and Carrie. However, this one is between two brothers. Once again, one can draw a comparison to Dick/Damian for a Batman and Robin that were brothers, yet Terry and Damian have known each other far longer. This is a unique approach to a Batman and Robin dynamic that (to my knowledge) has not been seen in other Batman media.

Character Development: This may seem surprising to have this big change only 14 issues into a series, but Matt’s evolution as a Robin candidate has actually been going on since the DCYou era of Batman Beyond (2015). Compared to the animated Matt McGinnis, who mostly served as a bratty little kid who would mess with Terry when he got home, this Matt was more active. When we were first introduced to him, he and several others were battling a Brother Eye controlled hellhound before saved by a time displaced alternate version of Tim Drake (it makes sense in context). Since his reintroduction, he has helped defend the city against an invasion of Brother Eye robots, helped rediscover and save the Justice League Beyond, made his way to Metropolis after it was highly dangerous and filled to the brim with Cuvier’s splicer army, was trained briefly by Tim Drake, saved his brother from Spellbinder’s mind control when Tim and Barbara couldn’t, repeatedly ran into Jokerz controlled territory to help his brother and several other things. In this arc alone, we’ve learned he’s been spending hours watching training videos on Damian (but likely the other Robins as well). For several years now, Matt has been grooming himself to become an ally to Terry. Going back to Tim, even he took a while to be groomed into his role as Robin.

Fan Favorite Choice: This may not be a surprise for most people, but fans have been using Matt as the ideal candidate for Terry’s Robin. Doing a quick image search on Google, Deviantart or even tumblr with Robin Beyond or Matt McGinnis Robin yields plenty of results and ideas of what Matt would be like. Fans have wanted Terry to have a Robin for some time and Matt has repeatedly been the main choice. There is a precedence and several fans may be excited to have this finally come true.

Effecting the Family: Matt’s introduction as Robin is going to yield a lot of big story potential. This has been hinted in the solicitations that there’s going to be several people unsure of letting Matt into this life is a wise choice. Whether or not the events of Return of the Joker occurred in this new DC Comics universe is up in the air (Terry and Matt’s parentage has changed according to current writer Dan Jurgens). However whether or not this is the case, how will Barbara, Damian, Dick and Tim, former sidekicks of Bruce, react to Terry finally getting a Robin? Will Bruce justify it? How will Terry react to finding out his flesh and blood brother wants to join in the battle? We saw a lot of push back from Terry when Max began to be a larger part of the Bat-family life. The Bat-Family in Beyond is growing and changing and this could lead to several conflicts and disagreements in the future.

New Audience Surrogate: In the 1940s, Dick Grayson (Age 12) was created to be Batman’s sidekick to attract new readers. In theory, Dick would serve as an audience surrogate to imagine life as fighting as Batman. Young boys who wanted to be Batman but were too young could suddenly put themselves in the pixie shoes of Dick and imagine themselves fighting crime against the Caped Crusader. This was a smash hit and a massive influx of child sidekicks flooded the market and are still around today. Matt may serve as a new audience surrogate. Terry, while originally a good audience surrogate when he started off, has now grown. He is out of school, living an apartment and has been Batman for several years. It may be seen as a way to bring new readers in to have Matt serve as this new window into the world of Batman Beyond. If it worked in 1940, it would suddenly work well in whatever year Batman Beyond takes place.

Cons:

Too Many Rookies: A draw for several people to Batman Beyond was a very unique pitch to the series. Terry, a young novice Batman, was trained by a much older, wiser Bruce Wayne. This was something very unique and Terry fit into an interesting in between. He was older than most of the Robins we had seen but still had the sass and charm of Dick, Jason and Tim. Yet he was what many little kids wanted to be: Batman. It’s been almost 20 years since the beginning of Batman Beyond, and we know several years since Terry has taken up the mantle of Batman. However compared to several of the Robins, it appears he’s still learning and refining himself. More than once, he has needed support from Bruce on the field (look no further than the previous arc where Terry had to be rescued from a smack down by Damian). Adding someone new to the table, someone who still needs to be trained, may make people uncomfortable.

Balancing Failure: Dovetailing off the previous point, a new balance will need to be established and figured out with Matt. As Matt is likely becoming a brand new Robin, he will be judged by his lack of failures or amount of failures. To refresh people, Terry has failed several times and needed help in his time as Batman and has struggled. Some people found it frustrating to see a Batman struggle while others found it sympathetic. The problem with Matt is there hasn’t been many noticeable consequences for his actions. In fact, several times he hasn’t had many failures, instead being rewarded for his actions since the start of his comic appearances. He may end up in a tough situation (captured by the Beast Men, dive into the middle of a battle with Spellbinder, running into Jokerz territory) and end up fine or saved by someone else (saved by Jon Kent Superman, snaps Terry out of his illusion, is unscathed by the end of the story and never captured despite Terry and Dana being discovered and captured).

Wandering Focus: In this 2017 run of Batman Beyond, the Bat-family has actually grown quite a bit. While we’re unsure about the canon of Beyond Dick Grayson and Tim Drake, we have gained Mayor Luke Fox, League of Assassins Leader Damian Wayne and the return of fan favorite Nissa aka Batgirl. This is on top of pre-existing Batman Beyond supporting characters Bruce Wayne, Max Gibson, Melanie Walker, and Barbara Gordon. These are 7 characters and not much time has been spent on some of these characters. With the addition of Matt and his subsequent training will take away from focus on the other characters. For an example, we were introduced to a character that was initially pushed in the first two arcs of the DCYou. Nora Boxer, Matt’s caretaker in the apocalypse and a possible nod to Kamandi at Earth’s End character Ben Boxer, vanished very quickly with the return of Terry McGinnis with no mention or nod to the character. The question remains just how much focus other characters will get with Matt now taking a larger role as Robin.

The Loss of Personal Life: Matt slowly entering this role as Robin is a step towards something that has been growing increasingly rare: Terry’s life outside of Batman. While his animated life got the most attention to Terry going through High School, seeing friends, we still saw snippets of it in the other comics. Several of the original comics had Terry going on dates with Dana, camping trips with Howard, Max and Dana, a field trip and more. Adam Beechen’s run had Terry spend time with his Mom and Dana with integration between the two intersecting. Kyle Higgins run showed Terry going through college and nods of trying to deal with a roommate, classes and being a superhero. However with the Dan Jurgens run, there has been barely any focus on a lot of life outside of being Batman. Dana and Matt served as two bastions of a life outside of superheroics. With Terry’s mother absent, no school and the only interactions he seems to have being Dana, Max and the Bat-family, it appears that Terry’s life may be nothing but Batman. This may again, turn people away from the story, as several people enjoyed Terry’s cast, friends and exploring Neo-Gotham outside of just the lens of a superhero.

My Personal Opinions:

I make it no secret that I am a vocal minority being against Matt becoming Robin. I feel with after the events of Return of the Joker, Old Wounds, and if you want to count them as canon, Killing Joke and Death in the Family, Terry would likely not want to have a kid sidekick of his own, let alone a sidekick on the field. We also saw in the comics the last partner he had, Vigilante, did not go well. While I’m not opposed to giving Terry an eventual partner with proper character development, I felt this would be better suited years after college and distance from the events of Batman Beyond 2.0. In addition, he would likely not follow the same formula as Bruce had and pick a sidekick that was not a child, let alone his brother.

However, I will admit I can see a lot of good story potential with Matt as Robin. Matt can make a very unique Robin and really force Terry and the Bat-family to adapt. Matt is hardly a carbon copy to any of the allies trained by Bruce, especially any of the Robins. He could bring a lot to the table and change the story for Terry in a big way, maybe a good way.

Dan Jurgens writing has been a tough egg to crack for me. There’s several ideas and moments that I feel are perfect. Several of the interactions between Terry, Bruce and Matt have felt on point. Plots and some writing have been very questionable though. The man can be a great writer when he really cares for a project (look no further than his Rebirth run on Action Comics or older examples being his Tangent Universe imprint). I want to hope that these stories are going to get really good because I did enjoy the first arc of Rebirth and several ideas of his second arc (and while not written by him, Nissa’s issue was awesome). So let’s keep our fingers crossed for the future of the Batman and soon to be Robin of Tomorrow.

#personal opinion #Robin #terry mcginnis #Robin Beyond #Batman Beyond #OOC

[spiffydolan]

Choose You Twice (Ethan Dolan)

Summary: It’s a special day for Ethan and me. I’ve had a few flashbacks to some huge moments in our life together that brought us to where we are now. 

Warning: You may want to grab a tish, because this is really cute. 

Word count: 1.5k+

This is completely inspired by the song Choose You Twice. by Ben Zaidi. It is one of the most beautiful songs I have heard, but it’s kind of sad. Don’t worry tho... I took out the sad parts for this story :’) Only happy tears are allowed.

A/N: I’d like to say a huuuuge thanks to @coconutethan for helping me figure out where to start. I have wanted to write something inspired by this song for the longest time, but I couldn’t figure out how to make it a happy story. Johanna hooked me up 💙 (Also, I only proofread once... so there is likely a few errors. Please excuse them... it’s so late, and I’m tired.)

I hope you enjoy :’) Please let me know what you think! 😊💙

October 8, 2017

I can’t believe this day has finally come. I turned and looked into the mirror. Staring back at me was the person I had always dreamed of becoming. He made me the best person I could be. He made me whole.

— Flashback to August 9, 2015

Ethan and I have only been on 4 dates; but when I looked into his eyes, I could picture the rest of our lives being spent together.

After each date, I thought there was no way he could top that. However, he always found a way — from my favorite flowers to the sweetest notes he’d slip into my bag for me to find the next day.

He was driving me back to my house while we listened to some of our favorite songs. As we pulled into my driveway, he grabbed my hand making me turn towards him a little. I couldn’t help smile at the way he looked at me. He looked so content and happy.

“I’ve been trying to find the perfect words to tell you how I feel. Every time I try to explain, I get so lost in your eyes, so captivated by your beauty, so intrigued by all the things I continue to learn about you.” He paused, looking down. I noticed his cheeks turning a rosy shade.

He continued, “I’d like to ask you to be my girlfriend.”

I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. I leaned forward, giving him a quick kiss. “I’d love to be your girlfriend.” He pulled me closer with a deeper kiss.

— end of flashback.

I smiled at the memory of when everything started. I always knew the future would be good, but I never imagined life could be this good.

In just a few minutes, I would be agreeing to spend the rest of my life with my best friend.

— Flashback to September 17, 2015

Ethan and I had been “official” for about a month, and things couldn’t be any better. Ethan told me he had the perfect night planned for me, but it all had to be a surprise.

After picking me up, we drove for about an hour to the first location. There was this elegant Italian restaurant I had read so many amazing reviews about. I’d been in Ethan’s ear for two weeks about going there, but I was still shocked when we pulled into its parking lot.

“Oh my God, Ethan!!! You didn’t really do this,” I exclaimed. Reservations had to be made weeks in advance... I couldn’t believe he did this.

“This is only the beginning,” Ethan said with a wink and exited the car. He ran around to the passenger side, opening the door for me. “You are stunning, Y/N.”

“You clean up pretty nice yourself, babe.”

After dinner, we drove to the beach. We stepped out of the car and he grabbed a quilt, bottle of wine, and two glasses. Then he grabbed my hand, and we walked closer to the crashing waves.

The cold sand on my feet, the sound of the ocean, the clinking of glasses, the star gazing, and the best part - the beautiful boy I got to spend this intimate time with – all made for a night I would never forget.

We talked about our lives before we knew each other, what the future holds, and everything in between.

“I don’t know why I’ve waited so long to say this, because I knew it the first day I met you. I love you, Y/N. I’m in love with you. You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, and I can’t figure out for the life of me what I did to deserve you,” Ethan said, as my eyes filled with tears. “No, no Y/N. Please don’t cry. I’m not pressuring you to say i…” I cut him off immediately.

“Ethan, I love you too. These are happy tears,” I said smiling, pulling him closer to me. He kissed me, and I felt a jolt of electricity rush through my body. I felt more alive and electrified than ever.

He pulled away, leaving me wanting more, and said, “If we had one more life, I’d be spending it by your side. I wouldn’t have waited 23 years to find you. I’d choose you twice.”

— end of flashback

I imagined I would feel nervous about this moment, but I had no doubt in my mind that we were doing the right thing. I felt peace and contentment. I heard the music begin playing, fixed my veil, and remembered the moment that brought us to where we are now.

— Flashback to September 17, 2016

Ethan and I had the busiest day doing all of the things we loved most. He made me breakfast in bed and bought the most beautiful bouquet of white roses. He told me he had an entire day of fun planned, and boy... he was not kidding. As I was getting ready for the day, I caught him watching me and smiling several times. He’s just too cute; I still don’t understand how I got so lucky.

We went to our favorite café by the pier for lunch and then to our go-to ice cream shop. We went to the skate park as he continued to teach me how to skateboard. Even though I failed miserably every time I hopped on it, I still loved this time with him, watching him do something he loves.

The sun was beginning to set, and Ethan grabbed my hand and began running towards the car. “We have to hurry to our last location!! You’re going to love this one the most.”

As we pulled into the parking lot, I remembered this is where Ethan told me he loved me. We actually hadn’t been back since that night. All of those feelings from that wonderful night came rushing back.

We watched the sunset on the beach, again talking about the future. I wasn’t sure what the future held, but I knew he was going to be in it.

“Y/N, I’d choose you twice. I’d choose you over and over and over again. I will choose you everyday, for the rest of my life. I never knew the kind of love we share even existed, until now,” Ethan spoke over the crashing waves. He grabbed my hands, and we stood up together.

He kissed me briefly, and then pulled away. He reached into his pocket, and proceeded to kneel in front of me. I knew him so well, and yet he continued to surprise me at every single moment.

“You’re the only one I want now and forever. Nobody could ever take your place. Will you marry me, Y/N?” Ethan said with glossy eyes.

— end of flashback

The doors opened up in front of me, everyone stood to their feet, and Ethan looked up, immediately in tears. Grayson rubbed his shoulders from behind, but Ethan was unaffected. Ethan and I had locked eyes, and suddenly everything else disappeared. It was just him and me in the chapel. I can’t believe this is happening; I can’t believe he chose me.

It came time for me to recite my vows:

“Ethan - my love, my world, my life, my everything. You said, ‘Baby, I’d choose you twice. If we had one more life, I’d be spending it by your side.’ I promise to love you, care for you, and be compassionate, patient, and kind with you. I promise to be your lover, companion, and friend. I promise to live in truth, devotion, and honor. I promise to never let you forget why you’d choose me twice. I am truly blessed to be a part of your life, which from this day forward becomes our life together.”

We were both in tears, but Ethan still had to recite his vows:

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you, Y/N. I don’t deserve you. You have shown me what it means to love unconditionally and without bound. You brought me out of my pain and darkness, and I promise to spend the rest of my life finding a way to repay you. I promise to never let you feel unloved, unwanted, or empty again. I promise to never let you forget your worth and your beauty. I promise to laugh with you and cry with you. I promise to take care of you and support you. I promise to walk with you and build a life with you. I promise to show you the unconditional love you have taught me. I promise to choose you not only twice, but over and over and over again. I promise to choose you every single day for the rest of our lives.”

We placed the rings that would bound us together forever on each other’s hand and waited for the words we have wanted to hear our whole lives.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride,” the pastor spoke towards Ethan.

The entire chapel was filled cheering and clapping, celebrating Ethan and me. After our kiss, which of course was not long enough, we joined hands and headed towards the doors.

Friends and family congratulated us and called us “Mr. and Mrs. Dolan” for the first time.

I still couldn’t believe this was real. I just married my best friend, and now I get to spend every waking moment with him.

Out of all the blessings in my life, Ethan was the greatest one.

#ethan dolan #ethan dolan x reader #ethan dolan imagine #ethan dolan image #grayson dolan #dolan twins #grayson dolan imagine #grayson dolan image #grayson dolan x reader #dolan twins x reader #dolan twins imagine #dolan twins image #dolan #twins #dolans #grayson #ethan #grethan #ethan and grayson #ethan and grayson dolan #grayson and ethan dolan #grayson and ethan #fanfic #youtube

[newyorktheater]

Bobby Steggert LMSW

Bobby Steggert, actor headshot

Ragtime, 2009 in his Tony-nominated performance as Mother’s Younger Brother

Ivan Hernandez and Bobby Steggert in Yank, 2010.

Big Love, 2015

Bobby Steggert, Frederick Weller, Grayson Taylor and Tyne Daly in Mothers and Sons, 2014

Two years ago, Bobby Steggert, a Tony-nominated actor with extensive credits on and Off Broadway (Ragtime, Big Fish, Yank! etc) , surprised the theater community by announcing that he had switched careers. In an article on Medium, he explained that he was in the middle of getting a degree in social work from Columbia University. “My master’s degree will be a piece of paper, but my life as an artist will make me a great social worker, this I know.” Since July of 2019, Bobby Steggert LMSW has been serving as a psychotherapist in private practice and a staff therapist at the Institute for Human Identity Therapy Center,. Three-fourths of his clients, he tells me, are “actors, singers, dancers, directors, writers, or designers,” and (his staff biography says) he comes to the therapy relationship with “warmth, humor, and a solution-focused approach.” He seemed the right person to ask about the specific mental health needs of theater artists during this stressful period, and he readily agreed to speak with me.

Have you had any new thoughts about your switching careers since you wrote that piece in Medium in 2018?

Time and retrospection have been even more clarifying. I think that what I struggled with most of all near the end of my performance life was a lack of meaningful purpose when not employed. This is obviously part and parcel of any freelance career, but a lot of that sense of purposelessness was within me, and in my inability or unwillingness to find sustainable and grounding purpose in other parts of my life. As a result, I focus quite a bit on finding purpose with clients, and how they can foster these essential elements of a satisfying life, even within the extreme limitations of a time like today.

Based on your own experience as a therapist, and that of your therapeutic colleagues, has there been a general uptick of mental health issues over the past few months?  

Most definitely. I think that we are in a time of great anxiety as a culture and so of course that trickles down to individual experiences. There are a lot of people who are experiencing heightened anxiety and depression, and, as a result of that, dealing with an increase in substance abuse and also relationship issues and, of course, issues with unemployment and loss of income.

My colleagues and I have gotten quite a few inquiries from people who want to enter therapy. I am at capacity so I try to find other therapists for people who call me in order to get them treatment as soon as possible.

People are struggling pervasively because we have been challenged with unbelievable limitations. When you don’t have community and you don’t have a sense of purpose and you don’t have a source of income, those are definite recipes for mental health struggles.

I understand that every person is individual, but are there issues specific to (common in) theater artists during this time of pandemic and unemployment, or ways in which theater artists feel these stresses in a different way?

The most devastating thing about this crisis for theater makers is that there is really nowhere to turn for alternative employment in live performance. Theater artists are singularly gifted in creating work that is shared and felt in one communal, physical space, and in this moment, it’s practically an impossibility. We are all making major sacrifices right now, but theater artists have their hands tied in a way that is unique, and any adjustment to other work is felt as a true loss to one’s core sense of contribution.

What advice or words of comfort have you been giving to artists — or could you give to artists now?

The irony is that so many artists buy the line that they have “no real world skills” and yet they are the most creative, adaptive, and flexible people around. They are made for shifting and unexpected circumstances. They understand the vicissitudes of a highly inconsistent industry, which uniquely prepares them for a highly inconsistent time. I try to remind my clients that their fantastic relationship and communication skills alone make them highly qualified for any temporary adjustments to employment or living situations that are required of them right now. I also like to remind my clients that they are excellent at making meaning – that’s what artists do – and one major thing we have control over now is to make conscious, growth-oriented meaning out of our experiences, even when they’re terrible. And while many can’t make meaning through work right now, they can make it through their relationships, parts of their identities outside of the profession, their bodies through health and self-care, and their creative voices, whether broadcast to the world or quietly to themselves.

What about theatergoers rather than theater makers? Are you aware of ways in which the lack of live in-person theater has had a tangible, diagnosable effect?

I am not sure if I could call it diagnosable but I do think that humans benefit greatly from gathering in groups and physical spaces and in experiencing collective energy together. I think that is why theater is so special. That’s a huge reason why people, for example, attend church. Without that live shared energy, I think that is why people are suffering from loneliness even when staying connected to fiends and family through the Internet.

So what can people do about this?

I think it depends on people’s risk level and how far they are willing to go to be in contact with other humans, but I have suggested to my clients to find as many opportunities as possible to meet friends in the park or to be around other people in outdoor settings as a way to feel more physically connected to other humans.

It’s interesting that you talked earlier about finding purpose, because that of course is the main characteristic of your Tony-nominated role as Mother’s Younger Brother in “Ragtime.” Is that just a coincidence?

In retrospect, I think that as an actor the roles you play can teach you about yourself, and I do attribute that experience to be the seed of an investigation for myself as to how I could find more sustainable purpose than I was able to find as an actor who too often has to wait around for invitations to participate n what they do. Another role really taught me something — Will in “Mothers and Sons.” He was a young man who was so integrated into himself as a gay person. That character taught me that I needed to do more work to embrace the fullness of my own sexual identity.

So you’re saying that your roles helped shaped you as a person?

Very much so. When you inhabit them you take on their energy and you take on their psychology and if you are open to it , that character can teach you new things about yourself.

I admired your performances, and was struck by how much vulnerability you allowed your characters. Feel free to disagree with my premise, but, if you agree, was that vulnerability deliberate, a reflection of your own nature, or just a result of the roles for which you were cast? And is that quality a help or a hindrance or irrelevant to  your new career?

I do agree with the premise. The purpose I did find as an actor was to expose the complexities of the human condition in a way that was raw and that was vulnerable. I think that is because I am naturally a more emotional and more vulnerable person. I think that quality inspires others to be more vulnerable, and so I find it very helpful as a therapist. I’m asking others to become more vulnerable and through that vulnerability to understand themselves and to experience life more deeply.

But do people seeking therapy want vulnerability, or rather somebody who seems confident and authoritative?

I think that the most important quality in a therapist is that the person feel safe with them. That sense of safety can help them to open up and to be braver in their own introspection. [My vulnerability] changes shape because as a therapist there are certainly boundaries, but at the same time I try to exist in a therapeutic relationship with total openness and with a certain kind of vulnerability that I hope can inspire others to be the same.

Where can people go for help?

I have two layers of an answers to that question. Specifically for theater people who are looking for mental health help, I think that the Institute for Human Identity is a great option because they have a lot of availability for therapists who are in the arts or who understand what it is to be in the arts. Another resource is the Actors Fund, which has a wonderful list of therapists who are also in some way connected to the arts. Those are the two places I would send theater people if they are looking to talk to someone.

On another layer, I think the best way to deal with stress especially under these circumstances is to find a physical practice, because being connected a one’s body is sometimes the best option. So I am finding that people are turning to yoga or exercise or mindful meditation.

But what if the theater person doesn’t have any money? As you said, most are unemployed now.

That is really rough. The Actors Fund also provides grants to people who are unemployed. There are also much more affordable options, such as a therapeutic apps called TalkSpace.

Is there anything about theater that you’ve used to help your clients – or yourself – cope with the stresses of the current situation? 

I find it oddly comforting to think about Shakespeare’s time, in which London theaters closed several times due to the plague. He mentions the plague in several of his plays, including The Tempest and King Lear. And during the two year period between 1592-1594 when he couldn’t write plays, he turned to poetry. He adapted just like we all must.

If possible for us to telescope out of this very moment, and while acknowledging all of the suffering and hardship we are enduring, we can be reminded that human history is full of enormous disruptions to life as usual, and yet we keep moving forward, because we have to. Live theater will never leave us – and we will inevitably return to the day when we gather again to take in stories in ways that no other storytelling can replicate.

  Centers for Disease Control: Coping with Stress

Bobby Steggart, Actor Turned Therapist Q & A: Theater Artists Are Suffering Two years ago, Bobby Steggert, a Tony-nominated actor with extensive credits on and Off Broadway (Ragtime, Big Fish, Yank!

[abohemianinthewood]

A UnaRobby Manifesto

the UnaRobby

that is I

the Loner

the Una-Robby Manifesto

on Hypocrisy & Pain

     Since I know a little about alot,this will no doubt be alot about a little.

But before all that follows, this happened:

 There & back again(with apologies to Tolkien)

I was 19 in the summer of '74.

My girlfriend had gone to work with a traveling carnival.

I was unhappy with where my band (Columbus) was at and life in New Oxford in general.

I had been to visit friends in West Lake (Charles),Louisiana in the past and knew that there was access to cheap pot,psilocybin mushrooms,and possible work on the shrimp boats.

One sunny afternoon,in June or July,while Mom worked in her garden unaware of my intent,I packed my knapsack,strapped my sleeping bag to same,took the short walk thru the Wood to Rt 15 and stuck out my thumb.

I was on my way to the adventure of my lifetime,and,I found out in my 30's ,in Mom's eyes,running away from home!

I caught the Lincoln Highway,headed West and got picked up by a friend from New Oxford who was riding with a girl I did not know who later became the mother of my children and they carried me to the other side of Gettysburg.

All along this journey I got picked up by a multitude of different types,from old ladies to young kids to business men.

I shall relate the ones that have stuck in my mind.

Outside of D.C.,probably in Virginia,a long-hair in a VW micro-bus headed for Florida picked me up and took me almost to Jacksonville where I planned on getting Rt 10 to West Lake. He stopped to visit his sister in backwoods Florida.She lived in a Spanish Moss covered area and treated me to tea and energy bars for the next leg of my trip.

That leg was arduous! Long,endless,hot tar,road construction,endless heat exhausting.A young girl in a small car is in my memory from this part.She had the vehicle jam-packed with plants(South American,I believe) which had something to do with her botanical studies in University.She also had a small dog.He had been on the passenger seat until I got in,when she put him on the floor at her feet.He kept sitting on the brake pedal:)

It was night and I was tired,riding in some businessman's car as we crossed over New Orleans . The closest I ever got to that magical city was eyeing it's lights from a car seat on a bridge.

I landed at the foot of the Huey Long bridge,on a beach,early morning of the third day of my trip.I remember a few people cavorting in the water and a bench that looked comfortable,finding a phone booth and calling home to let Mom know where I was.She said,"I figured that's where you went".

I looked up my friends,one of which was living in a tent in a local store's clerk's yard.I moved in with him.We snuck into the house with the air-conditioning whenever Gloria,the clerk, felt kind-hearted.

I signed up for the shrimpers and while waiting to hear back drank a lot of wine and beer and hung out in bars with dirt floors where we were the only whiteboys and fancy discos with sassy high school girls from Lake Charles("Oh,but yes!")

Near the end of August I was tired of waiting to work (and actually not feeling like it),so I repacked my sack,was given a bag of peanut butter sandwiches for the road and headed West on my thumb again.

Somewhere around Houston a strange fellow with a colonoscopy bag and a desire to re-establish himself,gave me a ride all the way to Colorado Springs where my sister was living  with her future husband and attending college. Along the way,he picked up two college students who let us stay in their dorm overnite where we drank beer and ate pizza.The driver tried to get them to let him stay there.He did the same in Colorado Springs and my future lawyer frankly told him "no".

I believe I stayed there two days.They lived at foot of Pike's Peak and Ric took me for a drive along the old mountain trails.I had spent the only money I had on a bottle of whiskey,so Barbe lent me $10 to get me home.

She went to school in Denver so she took me  there to catch Rt 70 East  and homeward.

i passed by the Gateway Arch  on foot,in the rain at night.There was also some major ball game nearby at the time.

A carful of Stoners from Weirton,WVa,had been to Indianapolis to pick up a friend and take her home.Somewhere in Indiana they gave me a ride.Her name was Charley and we crashed at her house,they treated me to beers at a local smokey bar and then headed for Three Rivers Stadium to see Suzi Quatro in a daytime concert. i'm quessing they paid my way, cuz I roamed the park area smoking with the crowd and scoring joints to take back as payment to my new-found friends. They then arraigned for a van full of their friends to put me as close to the PA turnpike as possible.

It was raining as i approached the Harrisburg exit.My current ride was traveling on thru so he let me off along the pike and I scaled the fence to get past the toll booths.

i found a phone booth and called home.

Mom came and got me.

i found out later that the Shrimpboats had called for me the day after I left.

And then all this...

http://lonersbloggenses.blogspot.com/2020/07/a-bohemian-in-suburbia.html

Prelude:FEB 28,2009

I’ve been back on ‘theFarm’ for ten years!

I came here to live with Dad in my old Dodge pick-up with a daughter,two cats,Dusky & Grayson,& Lena.The cats died or wandered off,Leenie is buried,Robyn grew up and moved to Boston and I watched my Dad die of cancer.

So,now it’s just me & Japhy and I’m lettin’ him take it easy in his old age.

It’s funny,as a twelve year old boy roaming thru these woods and fields,I never pictured a greying,old man with arthritic hands and a bad back,but today,all I could see was that twelve year old drivin’ a tractor,plantin’ corn,balin’ hay and haulin’ rocks off the fields to pave the back path to the hay fields( which now is beyond gettin back to usefulness,short of gettin a dozer)…and the damn kid is bitchin’ ‘bout the hard work!

Why couldn’t he see what he had?

                                                        2011 & on until morning:

I am a solitary man.I have spent my life putting others at arm’s length and reveling in the fact that I am a Loner. This makes me alone.

While keeping that mind-set,I yearn for the companionship of others,yet cringe at the aspect of going out into the real world and being amongst them.

I am the Father of daughters,the son of a Mother,a brother of sisters and hold the role of the Feminine in the highest regard while also feeling the camaraderie of my fellow males in the degradation of that gender.

I am a child of the ‘60’s,a young man of the ‘70’s,a responsible man of the ‘80’s,a falling and re-discovering man of the ‘90’s and an aging man in this Millennium.

I am sure of myself and I am confused.

I hold dear the radicalism of my youth,yet feel that nothing has changed and i have not been the change i wished to see.

I am a patriot who hates my country.

I am a Socialist and a Communist who holds no regard for those countries existing under said ideologies.

I am an arthritic old man who wants to quit,but can’t.

I worship my body and i abuse it,

i love Nature and I abuse it.

i believe in a work ethic,but i am lazy.

i believe in Solidarity,but prefer Solitude.

I am a Bohemian in the Wood.

4/4/15

a puppy grew up just the other day

and he looked at me,eyes wide,as if to say

I know that it’s a holiday

but if it’s OK with you I’d like to go out and play

cuz there’s squirrels and birds and rabbits and stuff

and laying on this couch ain’t enuf,dad

you know I’d rather be out there

cuz there’s cats in the barn and deer in  the woods

little tennis balls and poop that tastes good

I’ll be playin’ hard and you know that I should

and I’d sure like ya out here with me,dad

ya know I want to be with you…

KIKI

the year was 2005.

my dad died that summer.

my daughter informed me that when she went back to school she was getting an apartment and staying in Boston.

I noticed a sign on my way home from work one day.

it was a board advertising low-priced massages from therapy students at a school in the basement of my bank.

seeing it everyday got me thinking that that would be a nice treat for myself .

every Friday morning after work,what a great way to start the weekend!

I never took the first steps and probably never would have,but,I mentioned my thoughts to my daughters and that Christmas,received a gift certificate to said place!

that lead me to getting a weekly therapeutic massage,every Friday ,after work,with a nice woman,close to my age.

turned out the school owner was a distant relative.

I became a regular in a friendly and relaxing environment.

that summer my regular girl graduated and took work in Maryland (a long drive away)

I had several fill-ins and then was introduced to a young girl who became my new regular.

she was as old as my youngest daughter.

a new mom

black earrings and hair and eye-liner.gothic/emo/punk

very quiet,but,as weeks went by,we began talking,getting to know a bit about each other and her skills impressed and relaxed me as she learned and became proficient at her chosen art.

she graduated and started work at a spa.

I followed her there.

we got to know each other even better.

several years later,she became pregnant with her second child and left the profession to concentrate on her family.

we remained in contact,as I continued therapy with other people at the spa.

one day she asked if I wanted to come to her home as a client,as her daughter was getting to need less constant care and her husband was available to watch the kids while I received my massage.

that was one of the happiest messages I ever got!

I continued my therapy with her.

i got to know her family and our friendship blossomed until one day she stated that she considered me to be her best friend.

incredible!

so,that day that my daughters bought me a gift certificate for a free therapeutic massage,they got me much more.

they gave me a friend.  

7/24/2015

I try so hard to, not be a part of, that it hurts

8/21/16-thoughts after a tourista wknd…sometimes, I suppose, one needs to get out amongst the masses in order to remember why we retreat from them.

10/15/16-the Ides of October

fellow employee:“why don’t you work overtime?”

me:”why should I?”

fellow employee:”to make more money”…

and there-in lies the problem with Society as a whole.The making of money.The desire for more, more, more.

I was born into and manage to exist in a capitalist World,that sees the acquirement of money as the end goal.

The acquisition of money leads to crime,imprisonment,poverty,war and all the plagues of man.

I need to make money to supply myself with basic needs and I keep my wants to a minimum.

Why would anyone need to float on the oceans with access to a ferris wheel and a waterslide!

why would anyone need a home that has gold walls!

why do towers need to reach to the sky!

a roof, food and modest entertainment and I am satisfied.

OH! and trees.

Dec 10th,2016

Several friends have been posting pix of their younger years and that has tended to make me feel nostalgic.

I have few regrets in my Life,so far, and I come here to mention only one of those.

I do have many ‘what ifs’…. What if I had opted for college rather than the Work Force?

What if I never tried drugs? What if I had spent that summer in the Village instead of West Lake ? What if my hands had slipped under those railroad bridges or on that hair trigger?…

But,I digress.

The regret that I have of my wild, irresponsible, late teen-early twenties is that there was no Chronicler.

No one carried cameras!

I would love to see pictures of Jeff and Dan of my first work crew. Are there pix of the rock band,Columbus and when we jammed at Joe’s garage? Hell,I don’t even have any of my Ludwigs :(

What about congregations on the square,Mandy, the inside of the house I shared with Denny and Gilbert and the freaky flock of friends who frequented same?

The apartment I moved into with my first serious girlfriend,Andy & Bev,Bear,the ‘great whiskey and mescaline party’.

Those two trailers, the keggers, the shooting galleries, hardwood floors,poopy sheepdogs,marijuana window boxes and gardens.

Lep’s hearse,Tim’s John Deere Harley,the VW station wagon, my ’64 Valiant.

Terry Lee,Betty pregnant…

But,nobody carried cameras, so I must hope that the images in brain suffice.

8/27/17

I have been retired since Nov.18th of last year and I am diggin’ it!

More on this later☺

12/9/2017

Definition of isolate: to set apart from others;

Definition of solitude: the quality or state of being alone or remote from society

A difference in terms.

I do not live my Life set apart from others as I am more-so in seclusion.

I am and Live alone.

I enjoy my Solitude. In fact revel in it.

I do not feel set apart from others, merely living apart from them.

I reach out to and interact with others and am happy in doing so, yet do not need them to make me feel complete.

I function quite well on my own.

Alone

Not lonely.

I cannot say that I do not need human contact.

I just am not consumed by that need.

Perhaps, I come across as elitist or misanthropic.However,

My Life is not better than any other’s and I do not hate them for how they live.

I can just find contentment on my own.

This past year I have had moments which can only be described as pure Bliss caused only by my contact with Nature around me.

2/24/18

Thoughts on a dreary day.

I have noticed a movement amongst Boomers to not be called Senior citizens.

They see the word senior as denoting age and deprecation.

Fact: with age comes a certain amount of deprecation. We can’t escape that.

We can ,however embrace the dictionary definition of the word senior that says “1 of or for older or more experienced people;2 holding a high and authoritative position”

The important word here is experience.

We have been around longer and seen the consequences of actions.

We have seen friends die from making poor decisions.

We have come to realize that recklessness  can lead to ruin.

We also must remember what it was like to be young and reckless and feeling like we were superhuman and nothing could hurt us and there was no consequence to our actions and give the younger generations a break.

I remember when bomb scares were common in schools in the past.

I didn’t see the despair that could come from that action carried out as we have witnessed over and over today.

I saw it as funny and a reason to get out of school and a revolutionary action.

I venerated the SDS and the Weathermen and often think had I gone to college I probably would have blown myself up in one of those dorm-room bomb factories.

But,I digress.

Back then I hadn’t raised children and sent them off to public school and witnessed their angst and worried about their safety and loved them unconditionally.

I’ve had that Life experience and it has made me wiser.

Societies have used the term Elder to denote those who are wiser. Those who have had Life experience.Those who are sought out for their ideas and input.

I embrace the term .

I also realize that not all my peers can claim the same. There are ones who are still reckless and careless and uncaring for the human condition, but on the other hand there are members of the younger generations who are wise beyond their years ,not like their peers,and perhaps(let’s Hope) they will take the reins that someday we will be dropping.

Wednesday July 11th 2018

Summer twilite

crosslegged wigwam

cedar and sage

silent meditation

wind rustles leaves

fireflies flight faerie's lite

a hawk soars by

2020 Wondering

65 (very) odd years I’ve spent on this speck in Time.

All as an American citizen.

All as a resident of Pennsylvania.

In that time I have seen many changes.

I have seen laws enacted.

I have heard (and have made) grumblings about them.

“No shoes, No shirts, No service”-no enraged citizenry storming retail establishments in their boot-less feet!

“Click it or Ticket” It was a long time before I started obeying this one but still, no open defiance, no demanding our right to decide if we want to or not on the steps of the capital buildings after the fact.

In complete reversal of that idea we voted to allow motorcyclists the right to decide if they wished to risk head injury or not (Hurray for individual freedom! It got my backing)

We used to be able to drive a vehicle un-insured. Where are the patriots in riot gear goaded on by militant religious-fanatical congresspeople forcing the Governor to mandate that insurance providers stop charging us because there may be lawbreakers?

Where were these same militia when the Feds started limiting airplane freedoms? (“Hell no I won’t take off my shoes!!!”)

I think they may have been cheering on the Patriot Act because, well, they are Patriots( and it wasn’t revoked just recently so those freedoms being taken don’t count)

Copyright laws come to mind. Designed to protect intellectual property unless the care-less want to use them for their own agenda.(I’ve taken my share of “free” music.never used it to get you to like me)

How many more?

A lot,I’m sure.

Now, however, when we are asked (or forced) to be thoughtful as to the well being of our fellow beings a vast multitude feel it’s okay to be rude?

I mean, okay,  a great amount of people  are rude and they have the right to be but a great many laws are enacted not only to protect their right to be but also as a response to the fact that people just won’t be caring and thoughtful on their own.

In conclusion. I don’t get out much on purpose.

Corona didn’t change that.

But when I do, please don’t cough on me, wipe your nose on stuff I may touch or otherwise act like a jerk.

Remember also, jobs have been affected by the government mandates.Don’t be the one who makes it Hell for those who are complying with their employers’ wishes.( we still have to address just how some employers treat their employees. That’s on-going and a slightly different topic [cough…Union} )

[novapopstar]

Let me tell a story about true love and loss.

This is one of my favorite stories to tell. And at the same time, its one of the hardest. You don't really get second chances. But if you were able to take that second chance in something you horribly screwed up on, you would take it, wouldn't you? This is gonna sound exactly like those very cliche white boy romance movies that try to be kinda edgy, i know it does in the beginning. Ive lived long enough to know that. But she... She was everything to me. Ive lived so long feeling nothing. She brought a spark to my dead soulless empty life. She was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Its the reason i took that second chance. She can never know i exist. It was the beginning of summer of 2015. The final day of high school. I finished the exam at least an hour and a half early. And as most 18 year olds do, i put my earbuds in at full blast and passed out at my desk without a care in the world. Im awoken by an earthquake. The worst earthquake imaginable. My name is being screeched by what i can only describe is a Pterodactyl. I pull my headphones out of my ears. "What, Kamyrn?" I am not a happy boy. "The bell rang like 15 minutes ago." Are you serious? "You...didnt wake me up sooner?" The pterodactyl shrugs. "Didnt seem like i needed to just yet." I shouldve punched him right through his ginger face. He had a pale complexion, although more color than mine, freckles on his nose and cheeks, bright green eyes and the most irish looking red hair youve ever seen. Hes actually Italian. Hes basically what you call a cinnamon roll in meme terms. "So theres a music venue happening tonig-" "Nope." I stand up quickly, fix my bangs, and throw my hood up. I tried to bee line for the door but the fucker is always faster. I do NOT do social gatherings. Hes lucky i even talked to him. "Cmon, Tyyyyy! I want you to meet my friends. Theyre playing tonight!" "You know i dont like social events. I cant handle them. Besides i have to get home an-" He grabs my arms and pleads with his eyes. "Just this once? Pleaaaase?" I sigh. I hated it when he did that. I loved him so much i could hardly say no to him most of the time. "Fine. When do we go?" "We can start heading over right now. Theyre setting up and we can watch them warm up!" "You actually seem more cheery than normal. Anything special happening tonight?" "The Goddess, Tyler!!" Of course. "The Goddess" was a girl named Diana. The love of his life. She was literally too perfect. Beautiful black flowing hair, the deepest of blue eyes, beautifully pale skin, the most perfect smile. The sight caused Kamryn to become speechless. Especially since her father was there at the venue. The venue was basically as normal as you can get i guess. Smelled of sweat and heartbreak. The colors were a mix of greys and more greys. It was a really spacious area with some dining tables and chairs. I believe there was a bar at one end of the room. And right in the back was a big stage where they kept all the equipment for the bands. Big speakers lined the sides of the stage including the top of walls for surround sound in the building. This....this was the place i met her. Kamyrn was being interrogated by Dianas father, Marcus. Kamyrn sweating profusely. I mean, i dont blame him. Marcus was ripped and that rugged look and deep voice of his was something to feel threatened about. If you can picture what a roman soldier looked like, ya got Marcus. Diana was giggling and watching Kamyrn squirm the whole time. My senses were broken when the lights dimmed down and the first show was about to start. And as if an Angel has glided across the stage, she appeared. She was the most stunning thing i had ever laid eyes one. Shoulder length chestnut hair, from afar youd think they were green but she actually had hazel eyes, she had the sweetest smile, and i cant forget the red streaks in her hair. Her voice was something of an angel. And i caught myself staring. Ive never been a believer in love at first sight, but, damn... There was no mistaking it. I had slowly began to fall for her that night. But of course, i always have something come up to ruin my moments of bliss. Heres the part where things get complicated as all hell. I finished that graduation exam an hour and a half early because, ive taken it at least 25 times by now. At least at that school. I passed with flying colors because i know all the answers a little too well. The reason is the dumbest reason you have ever heard of. Im an 182 year old, as of 2015, vampire with the body of an 18 year old. All my features resemble a scrawny emo kid. Right down to the black nails, the black eyeliner, and the black emo hair. My purple eyes are natural however. Right now im having what is called Cravings. Now listen, i do not love being a vampire. Ive been running from that life for years. So i cringe at the thought of feeding off a humans. But at this moment in time, i am in need NOW. Therefore i cannot just waltz over to the nearest bloodbank and "charm speak" my way into dinner. I had to do my best to leave the venue without causing suspicion. I keep my eyes closed as i turn to Kam, holding a hand to my head. "Kam, dude im really sorry. The whole social thing is really getting to me. I really have to head out. I do not feel well." "Im really glad you tried to make it though, Ty. Ill check in on you later okay?" I nod and make the horrible mistake of opening my eyes. Kamryn wasnt looking however. But someone else did. My eyes tend to change color depending on the need. Right now theyre clearly gold. Gold for hunger. I quickly make my way out into the alley way. I hate every second of this. The alley smells like rotting shit and cat piss. Its the least of my worries. But its all i can smell. I need that trace of blood. Now. This isnt fun for me. I hate having to walk up to an unsuspecting human and trick them into letting me feed. This woman didnt deserve it. But they dont know what theyre doing when the "charm speak" is involved. Im able to pin her to the wall at this point, shes moaning in pleasure very loudy as i sink my teeth into her neck. I want to vomit. But i swallow and keep it down. She slumps down the wall unconscious. I didnt bleed her out, i never drink enough for that to happen. I fix her body in a way that when she wakes up, she'll think she just passed out from intoxication. Poor girl.. "A vampire? Never wouldve thought." I spin around, blood sorta dripping from my chin. I had made sure i was alone. It was just Marcus. But i didnt know why Marcus would have known. "Clean yourself, boy." I dont even blink as i wipe my chin furiously. "W-why did you follow me?" "I know the actions of a vampire when they need to feed. You showed clear signs back at the venue. I also saw those eyes of yours." "Well, what do you want from me?" He smiled wide. "Youre obviously no threat if youve been living the human world for so long. You nearly looked like death feeding off that woman." I looked defeated. "I didnt have the time to make it to a bloodbank, sir." Needless to say, i was taken back to venue after it was all cleared out. Kamryn looked worried as hell when i got back. "Dude, are you okay? I thought you were going home?" I smiled weakly. "I just needed to take a walk. Marcus found me to tell me to come back so i could meet your friends." Kam flashed a big smile. "Well the only one thats still here is-" "Emma." The Angel had spoken. Kam decided that was good enough and had walked over to flirt with his goddess. "So, a vampire huh?" I blinked. "Im sorry..?" She pointed to the shoulder area of my jacket. The fact Kam never noticed still annoys me. She laughs. "Thats not really the reason. I just know." She smirked. "Ive seen a few in my day. None looked like you though. Why are you trying so hard to seem human?" I felt it was pointless at this point. "I despise vampires." "So you despise yourself?" "Precisely." "Does Kamryn know?" "He can never know." She nods in understanding. "So yeah, im Emma Grayson." She extends her arm and i shake it nervously. Her hands were always so soft. Not to mention calloused. But the best hands ive ever held. "Tyler Deravious." This Tyler didnt realize what he was getting himself into. How this meeting would change his life for the worst. You dont get a third chance. If i could turn back, i would. I cannot begin to tell you the regret i feel writing this all down. I ended up leaving my apartment that i had been illegally living in for years now and i moved into the mansion that i never knew existed in chicago. This mansion housed demon slayers. An immortal roman soldier demon slayer and his adopted daughter. I had chosen to slay demons as well. Including my kind. Things only get more complicated from here. ------------- So im thinking about writing a story out that ive had in my mind since 2015. Im not the best at writing but maybe i can get better along the way if i stick with it. I dont have a name for it yet, but heres the prototype Prologue for my most favorite story ive thought of. This story is an emotional rollercoaster. But it follows the life of Tyler Deravious, a Rogue Vampire who hates the thought of being a vampire. He becomes a demon slayer and learns what its like to have a family after so many years. Falls in love. Learns to be less awkward and more brave. He has to help defeat a great evil that threatens to destroy Chicago, and maybe the world if hes not careful. It might just turn out too much for him. Im really hoping i can do something with this. Its all original! So take my shitty prologue and give me some critiques.

#vampire #original story #no title yet #demon slayers #demon hunting #angst #prologue #rough draft #prototype #romance #action #tyler deravious #emma grayson #kamryn steelwater #marcus #loss #pain #critique me