#and only if it wants to

[fandomsandfeminism]

Yall wanna hear a kinda funny, kinda sad story about my grandmother and hetero-normativity?

Ok, so... when my grandmother was in her 50s (I was an infant), she met a woman at the Unitarian Church. And, as can happen when you meet your soul mate, this event made it impossible for her to deny parts of herself that she had fiercely hidden her whole life.

All the drama- their affair being found out, the divorce with my grandfather, the court battle over who got the house, happened while I was a baby. Even in my earliest memories, it's just Mama Jo and Oma, and my grandfather lived elsewhere (first his own apartment, then a nursing home, then with us.)

But here's the thing- no one ever explained any of this to me. No one ever sat down and was like "hey, Rosie, so do you know what a lesbian is?" It was the 90s. It was Texas. I think my mom was still kinda processing all this, and just assumed that like... I was gonna figure it out. Don't mention it, let it just be normal. Like I think my mom thought that if she explained the situation, she would be making it weird? I dunno.

But like. In the 90s, in all the movies I had seen and books I had read, do you know how many same sex couples I had seen? Like. 0. Do you know how many "platonic best friend/roommates" I had seen? A lot. I had no context, is what I'm saying.

I literally thought this was a Golden Girls, roommates, besties situation until I was like...I dunno, 11? 12?

It was actually their parrot, an African Grey named Spike, imitating my grandmothers voice saying "Johanna, honey, it's getting late", that triggered the MIND BLOWN moment as I realized that *there's only one master bedroom and it only has 1 waterbed* when all the pieces finally clicked.

Anyway. I think it's a real important thing for kids to know queer people exist, for a lot of reasons, but also because kids can be clueless and it's embarrassing to have your grandmother be outted by a parrot because everyone just thought you'd figure it out on your own.

Anyway, here is my grandma and her wife, my Oma, after they moved to Albuquerque to be artsy gay cowboys and live their best life. They helped run a "Lesbian Dude Ranch" out there (basically just with funding and financial support. As Oma has explained "traditionally, most lesbians don't have a lot of money" so they wrote the checks and let the younger ladies actually run the ranch.)

#this is the grandmother who passed away unexpectedly earlier this month #she was so cool yall #and so weird #they got married twice by the way once when Massachusetts legalized it and once when New Mexico did #they hiked the grand canyon together #they had a european river cruise planned for this fall #she was 89 and she wanted to see the whole world with her wife #and they were working on it #literally i thought they were roommates #and there was only one bed

[wewontbesleeping]

the weirdest fucking thing to me is how men will be like "it's so hard being a man. no one cares that i'm sad. the loneliness we experience could NEVER be understood by a woman" and then also be like "btw i never talk to my friends and i don't know their names and i love hanging out with men because they don't talk about their stupid emotions all the time. women could never understand a bond like this." like ???

#this thread was so rancid lmfao #my favorite was 'we don't care if someone wants to relax on the couch!!! STOP NAGGING US!!!' like ???? #go take care of your kids you deadbeat???? #also SO many guys complaining that no one compliments them #ok so compliment another man..... #oh no you only want a woman to compliment you? ok. #women compliment each other that's why we get compliments lol #we do not want men to 'compliment' us hope this helps

[lazylittledragon]

made a sticker for anyone to slap onto their work if they need to

#ramble #i've only interacted with tiktok via osmosis #but something is eating their brain matter and it makes me sad #it's fine if you only want to read light things (all power to you) but don't whine at me because i write about bad people sometimes #i'm so tired

[cottonspotten]

*person has consented to being eaten; they’ve donated their body. they died without suffering. you can cook the meat. you will not get sick from the meat.

bonus: explain why!

#reblog for sample size etc etc #personally i would absolutely try human meat if given the chance #poll #polls #cannibalism #cottons thoughts #pinned #<- insane first post to read if youve only just discovered my blog but i want results!!! i want numbers and sample!! #cannibalism tw

[scramratz]

Missouri is hell

#posted it at like 4am but wanted to clean it up #my only option at this point #dyke #transmasc #top surgery #trans

[mebssann]

can't keep her warm, but they cling to each other anyway

#i only want a simon marcy spin off is that too much to ask! #i know there's already a dedicated ep for them #but I want to see their everyday lives during the apocalypse there's so much still left out :(( #adventure time #simon petrikov #marceline abadeer #fanart #digital art #my art

[spearxwind]

I think it's sad that most people always think of bottlenoses as the "classic dolphin" since its the one that's always used for shows, and always think of dolphins as just straight grey when in reality there's so many varieties with so many different amazing patterns

Look at the common dolphin! They have a gorgeous X pattern and even some dull yellow/gold!!

Hourglass dolphins have gorgeous white streaks

Spinner dolphins have really pretty banding as well, AND they have a really sleek cute silhouette!

The atlantic spotted dolphin!!! Theyre spotted!!!!!!

and the pantropical spotted too!!

Dusky dolphins have a gorgeous airbrush look going on like straight out of a 2000s fantasy illustration

Striped dolphins sure have stripes!! How cool!!

And these I've shown you aren't even all of them at all, there are so many of them:

There's so so so many different types of dolphins people dont know about this isnt even all of them and some are SO gorgeous and underrated because people just dont know they exist so I'm here to fix that

#ocean #dolphins #cetaceans #long post #thunderclap #I WANTED TO MAKE THIS POST FOR A WHILE I FINALLY GOT AROUND TO IT #YOU WILL KNOW ABOUT THE WORLDS DOLPHINS!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!! #Everyone loves dolphins but everyone also always thinks of bottlenoses only #and i love bottlenoses BUT THERES SO MANY MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #best of #wow this took off

[six-tooth]

this is canon in my heart

#my art #fanart #the amazing digital circus #tadc #pomni #caine #I had the idea for this one since a long time ago #but only wanted to give it a try once pomni's room was revealed lmao

[wasyago]

quiet hours

closeups under the cut :]

i really like these

#was possessed by a random urge to draw an interior. so post office it is #very happy with how it turned out. the colors the details its so fun uwu a bit messy in places but i do NOT want to render this #also looks a bit like an anime screenshot bc only the characters have line. and i think it's cool #hermitcraft #pearlescentmoon #ethoslab #tangotek #my art #yago but better

[refugeed-kim]

YES YES I NEED THIS SIGN IN EVERY SINGLE PARK PLEASE

This is my daily struggle, I had so many arguments with people with off-leash dogs (in a mandatory leash area!!!). Thanks to this behavior I'm struggling with Kim being anxious/aggressive with other females as she often gets involved in unpleased interactions with free females while on leash. And every single time that I ask for the dog to be at least recalled, I'm being called names and insulted of course.

Also 9 out of 10 their dog isn't really that friendly at all.

#dogblr #dog #dog training #petblr #the most unpleasant part of owning a dog is having to deal with awful dog owners... #the richer the neighbourhood the worst are the owners #but of course the only park that isn't a hour-long drive from home it's full of this kind of people #I want to live in a city where there is enough space to actually walk without meeting anyone if we don't feel like it

[july-19th-club]

seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything

#i personally like to not be doing things constantly at all times. it stresses me out #i know there are ppl who thrive on cosntant activity #but me i like to chill out. #and the problem then becomes that i only ACTIVELY remember to do work and Find More Work To Do when im stressed #at the thought that others might want to see me working #if im ever relaxed i just dont look for stuff to do #catch 22 of modern work culture which permeates even ostensibly noncapitalist structures like public libraries #for instance: will it really kill anybody if the books get shelved by me now after a very busy day? #or shelved tomorrow morning by. well probably me since i'll be the one at the desk #not in the slightest #but it was work that wasnt being immediately done by me. therefore it was incorrect behavior #that i failed to identify because my instinct is to relax when not immediately presented with a Situation #this got me labeled as 'having no initiative' by my dad from a very early age #and even as an adult i still feel like im a child with no initiative

[general-illyrin]

#I thought it would be interesting to see an average of the number of total side blogs each user has. #(And am I the only one who uses private side blogs to organize my likes or posts I want to save by topic?)

[inkskinned]

you're in the habit of denying yourself things.

if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.

but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?

what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.

and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.

you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.

so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.

it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.

sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.

oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.

#warm up #this isn't good #writeblr #this is complicated by the fact i can't stand up too long or i fuckken pass out and <3 hit my damn head <3 #but i did take a deep breath and buy myself the stupid rice cooker #and!!! a very cheap sushi kit!!! i have been wanting to try making sushi for literally YEARS #the kit was only like 15 dollars!!!! and i haven't purchased it bc?!!??!?!?!?!!? #..... i didn't get the mixer tho that felt. like a lot. like too much. #on my list is a kitchenaid. one day when i get a check and i have paid off my student debt #and medical debt #i will put that first little bit of cash #into a kitchenaid 5qt stand mixer (with attachments) #i really do just go into their refurbished section and stare lustily at each option #but yeah i feel guilty about the rice cooker even tho i know for a fact this damn thing is gonna be a lifesaver #oh shit also fuck i forgot to mention . poached eggs

[alexanderpearce]

whag if i want to (macquarie harbour july 23)

eta the maugean skate is extremely endangered and facing immediate extinction and the government is the damn fucking liberals and they will not do anything about it. idk what any random people from across the world can do about it but im screaming crying sobbing begging for help

#whag if i want to #tjhe way they literally ONLY live in this one harbour... like whatever it is on that one rock #my photos #maugean skate #sea animals #endangered animals #tasmania #lutruwita #popular #i knew you people would love this #greatest hits #extinction studies

[uncanny-tranny]

I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

#mental health #mental health support #positivity #if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them! #i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all.. #...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in... #...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air... #...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life... #...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with... #...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it... #...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it #i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive #unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better

[lesvegas]

"Bethesda/Todd Howard doesn't actually hate FNV 🙄"

They have stated the show is apparently 100% canon and they're using it to retcon the only good Fallout game to come out in decades. It wasn't even enough to ruin West Coast lore post-FNV, they're literally saying FNV never happened.

No wonder Pete Hines resigned back in October; even he thought this was stupid.

Bethesda haters stay correct. Anyone who somehow still had hope for this franchise despite the last ten years, now you can finally let go.

#i said i was only gonna make the one post but i woke up to this so. how could i not #i just wanted definitive proof that bethesda is stil ashamed after all these years on my blog #fallout show #fallout tv show #fnv #fallout prime #fonv #bethesda