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iwoulddieforienzo · 3 months

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Something that makes reading TOA so devastating is how fucking much Apollo feels about Everything. There’s so MUCH. Like I don’t even know how to describe it to you if you haven’t read the books yourself. He has so many complicated thoughts and emotions about just about everything and he cares about everything so much and there is just SO MUCH going on in his head. And yet none of it ever reaches his mouth!!

He almost never says what he’s feeling. What little comes out of his mouth about his thoughts barely even scratches the surface of what he actually means. Like he’ll be having a long ass monologue about how incredible someone is, showing a deep understanding of them as a person and empathizing with them so hard you’d almost think it’s projection but it’s not he’s legitimately just mind melding with this random person he met like a week ago and he’s thinking the softest, kindest thoughts about them like he knows they’re fucking incredible - and what comes out of his mouth is just like, “you’re a wonderful friend :)” AND ITS LIKE. THERES SO MUCH MORE UNDER THE SURFACE. the sheer admiration and adoration he has for everyone around him……… UGHHH!!! But he never VOICES ANY OF IT!!!!!! He never tells anyone about what Zeus did to him……. He never tells anyone except the reader about his realization that Zeus is abusive…. He never even tells commodus about how much he adored him, not then and not now… he refuses to tell anyone when he’s in pain or tries to justify the things he does when he actually had Decent Reasons for why he did something… I’m. I’M. AUGH. AHHHHH

HE DOESN’T EVEN TELL US ALL OF HIS THOUGHTS IS THE THING. THERES EVEN MORE THAT HE IS NOT TELLING US!!!!! THE FUCKING OCEAN OF FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS HE HAS ABOUT EVERYTHING IS THE CLIFF NOTES VERSION. I AM IN DISTRESS.

And YET…. Even what slips out of his mouth is so fucking devastating it is SO devastating. He’s so fucking kind and gentle with Harley and Meg and and other younger Demis and his kids… he’ll act like an obstinate idiot and then turn around say something that drags the core of the person he’s talking to into the light like nail on the fucking HEAD like he reached into their soul and gave them the words to express something that they were struggling to say aloud or that they didn’t even realize about themself. Around the 2nd book he starts putting voice to some of his feelings and thoughts about others and even that tiny fucking sliver is overwhelming to the people he’s talking to bc he’s SO. AUGHHHH

#this is why ‘reading the TOA books’ fics fucking slap btw. because as embarrassing as his thoughts can be #so many of them are just incoherent screaming about how he loves everyone around him. devastating #like imagine helping out ur loser deadbeat dad who you don’t really know much about bc he’s flighty and hard to read #and finding out ‘wow he cares about us a lot more than I thought’#bc he literally almost dies to save you/your siblings and keeps following you all around everywhere #but he’s still like. your weirdo absentee dad. u don’t know hardly anything new about him other than an apparent suicidal streak #and then u find out that the whole time he was whining about chicken nuggets or whatever he was internally sobbing abt how much he loves u #and every time u were nearby he was going ‘MY BEAUTIFUL PERFECT BABY… JUST AS INCREDIBLE AS THEIR MORTAL PARENT!!!! BEAUTIFUL LIKE THE SUN!#HOW DID I EVEN MAKE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PERFECT BABY. UNREAL. THEY CANT BE MINE!? BUT THEY ARE!!! LOOK AT THEMMM!!?!!! IM SO PROUD……#my beautiful perfect angels… all of their parents best traits and none of our worst…. I am Barely restraining myself from sobbing #i would give u the WORLD if my father wouldn’t kill me for it :(‘#and it’s like. wow. okay dad. um. would have been nice to know that when we were all dying in The War #Please Hug Me Though.#imagine being a Random Ass Demigod who didn’t go on a big special quest or something like you are literally just Some Guy #and finding out that this weirdo loser god u gave a sandwhich to or something thinks you are so fucking cool #your own parent doesn’t know ur name but Apollo knows u on sight and read ur soul within the 2 seconds yall talked and he thinks you rock #how are you supposed to respond to that.#snack time #toa #longpost

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ziptiesnfries · 2 years

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A Small Price to Pay

Content warnings: lab whump, syringes, restraints, forced sedation, vivisection, gore, graphic description of surgery, awake during surgery, vomiting

“You know, this is sort of ironic,” Villain’s Sidekick babbled nervously, tugging at the leather restraints strapping them to the table. “Because usually, it’s the villain that’s a mad scientist, and not the….” They trailed off as their captor, still wearing colorful spandex underneath her lab coat, turned to face them with a large syringe in her hand. “...the hero,” Sidekick finished weakly, the blood draining from their face.

Hero tapped the syringe, watching air bubbles rise to the top. “Well, in my opinion,” she said cheerfully, “there should be more hero scientists. After all, what’s more heroic than scientific advancement?” She smiled as she approached the table. “And now that Villain has been arrested, and I’ve got my hands on you”—they flinched as she tapped them on the nose—“I’m going to get so much more work done!”

Villain’s Sidekick drew in a shaky breath, eyeing the syringe. “You—you don’t have to do this.”

Hero laid the syringe down on a metal cart lined with sharp, shiny tools. Sidekick tried not to look at it. She turned back to them, her eyes glittering with excitement. “Oh, but I do. Do you know how rare your regenerative abilities are? Do you know how many people would kill to study you? I’ve had my eye on you for a long time now.”

Sidekick bit their lip. They were well aware of how rare their powers were—which was why they’d always tried to keep it hidden. It didn’t matter, of course. People found out, and used Sidekick and discarded them as necessary.

Villain was never like that. He took them in, gave them the means to protect themself. He’d never taken advantage of their powers.

But now Villain was locked in a cell somewhere, and Sidekick hadn’t done so well at evading capture, either.

“Oh, I can hardly even decide where to begin,” Hero murmured to herself, her eyes scanning their splayed-out form. “I suppose a vivisection would be best for getting a range of samples, and I’ll definitely need all those eventually….”

A bead of sweat slid down Sidekick’s temple. “Please,” they said, their voice wobbling. “Please don’t—”

“Oh, hush. I’ve seen you get much worse injuries in battle, and you’ve always recovered from those.” A gloved finger ran down the length of their torso, making them shudder. “And hardly a scar on you, either. Fascinating!” Hero turned away. “I’ll get ready for the procedure.”

Sidekick swallowed down the bile rising in their throat as their eyes followed Hero, hurrying around her lab to gather supplies. It was true that they’d been injured in battle many times, and they often sustained wounds that would kill an average person. But this—this was a far cry from being wounded in battle. This was torture.

Hero hummed thoughtfully as she deposited her supplies on a nearby table. “You can’t get infections with your regenerative abilities, can you? I was going to sterilize the area, but if it won’t get infected anyway…”

Tears threatened to spill from Sidekick’s eyes, and they blinked them away. “I don’t think so, but please, listen—”

She seemed to come to a decision and shrugged. “Well, it’s good practice regardless, I suppose.”

She began to wipe down their torso, and they whimpered, shivering at the sudden cold. They made eye contact with her. “Hero, please—”

She put a hand on her hip. “Are you going to be like this the whole time, or do I need to sedate you?”

“I’ll answer any questions you have,” Sidekick babbled desperately, their heart pounding, “I’ll do anything, just please don’t cut me open!”

Hero met their gaze for a long moment, and they held their breath. Finally she turned to her tray of tools. “Sedation it is, then.”

“No!” They thrashed in their restraints, but they were helpless to stop it as Hero plunged the needle into their arm. They watched the syringe empty, watched the bead of blood well up as Hero pulled the needle out. She didn’t even bother to wipe it away.

“Now, I don’t have a good handle on your physiology yet,” Hero said as she disposed of the syringe in a biohazard container, “so this might not put you under all the way. Still, it should be enough for me to get my work done.”

Sidekick choked back a sob. Their chest heaved as Hero drew a dotted line down the center, all the way down their stomach. But their breathing was already starting to slow. Damn their fast metabolism—they doubted the drug would even last through the whole procedure. Still, they couldn’t muster up the strength to tell her that. Their limbs grew heavy as tears spilled down their cheeks.

They flinched as she touched the back of their hand, as though she was trying to reassure them. As though anything could reassure them right now. “It’ll be over before you know it,” she said, her voice already sounding far-away.

She flicked on a bright light, and Sidekick squeezed their eyes shut. Her voice grew fuzzier and fuzzier as she kept talking—maybe to a tape recorder, they thought blearily. For one peaceful moment, it almost felt like they were floating.

Then pain sliced through their consciousness, sharp and clear. They gasped, their eyes flying open. They couldn’t see anything except bright light above them, and they couldn’t move their head with it strapped down. But they felt pain down their torso, and something warm dripping down their skin, pooling underneath them. They whimpered.

A gloved hand pressed on their shoulder—to comfort them or pin them down, Sidekick wasn’t sure. “Shh, hold still,” Hero murmured.

Sidekick could only sob and writhe as the pain spread. They heard an irritated sigh. “I suppose I’ll need more sedatives for this.” A metallic clink sounded off to their side, and their eyes darted over to see a bloody scalpel on the metal cart. They swallowed down a wave of nausea, looking away.

Hero appeared above them a moment later. She looked blurry, but Sidekick could still see the syringe in her hand. They didn’t have the strength to resist this time as she jabbed them. “Let’s try this again,” she muttered.

Sidekick’s eyes fell shut again, so heavy that they didn’t think they’d be able to open them if they tried. But pain still radiated from their torso, as sharp as ever.

“There we go!” Hero’s voice sounded more muffled than before. “Back to work.”

Sidekick could barely do more than shudder and flinch, letting out soft cries. But they felt every moment of it—Hero peeling back their skin, pinning them open, her gloved fingers probing at their organs. Her hands were ever so careful as she explored places that were never meant to be touched, slicing off tiny pieces to examine later.

Of course, her gentleness did nothing to lessen the pain.

After a while, it all blurred together. Sidekick was surprised when they finally registered the tug of a needle through their flesh. Some part of them felt relieved, recognizing that it was over.

Another part of them whispered that this was just the beginning.

It felt like ages before Sidekick could wiggle their toes, move their fingers. In the background, they heard clinking metal and running water—Hero was cleaning up.

It was even longer before Sidekick realized the restraints were gone, but it didn’t motivate them to move. The pain was still ever-present, throbbing. They stayed on their back, staring at the ceiling, thinking, processing. The fog slowly cleared from their head.

Oh, god.

They just barely had time to turn onto their side as bile rose up in their throat, and they leaned over the side of the table as they retched and coughed, one hand curled protectively around their stitched-up stomach. The heaving only made the pain worse, but they couldn’t stop, and as the contents of their stomach emptied, the retching gave way to sobs. They collapsed, curling in on themself as they trembled.

They flinched as they felt a hand on their shoulder. “Shh, calm down,” said Hero.

“You—you—” Sidekick stammered, sucking in short, quick breaths. “You’re a monster.”

She rubbed their back. They were too exhausted to pull away from her, but the gesture was hardly comforting when Sidekick’s skin was still sticky with blood. “This research is going to save so many lives—so many more lives than I’ve saved already. I’m a hero. Besides, you’re being dramatic.” They stiffened, listening to her walk away. “You’ll be healed by tomorrow.”

“I felt it!” Sidekick screamed, their voice echoing in Hero’s lab. Her footsteps stopped. They took another ragged breath. “I felt all of that,” they said, much more softly this time. Their voice cracked. “It—it fucking hurts.”

Hero’s footsteps resumed. “Well, the suffering of one is a small price to pay to ease the suffering of many.”

A small, almost hysterical laugh escaped as Sidekick pressed their forehead against the metal table. Of course. They didn’t matter—not in the grand scheme of things, and not to Hero. They were just… a lab rat. A tool for someone else to use.

Hero returned with a damp cloth. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up a little. Then you can lie down.”

Sidekick took a deep, shuddering breath and nodded, painstakingly pushing themself up to a sitting position. They heard Hero sigh as she started gently wiping the blood away. “You’re going to help so many people.”

Sidekick could only laugh hollowly, a tear slipping down their cheek.

#whump writing #whump #lab whump #medical whump #ask to tag #heroes and villains #vivisection tw #blood tw #needles tw #restrained #forced sedation #gore tw #emetophobia tw #vomiting tw #i hope it was clear enough that it was Villain's Sidekick #i just didn't wanna write that whole phrase every time lmao #zipwrites

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